A huge thank you to this guy for taking pictures of Roger beaming after the crowd vociferously cheered for him
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I Want You to Stay (13) | JJK
Pairing:Â Jungkook x (f.) Reader
Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut
Chapter Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption; arts, business/property devt, and book publishing talk thatâs probably inaccurate; mentions of injury, trauma; family drama; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; they're still idiots;  explicit sexual content (making out, oral (m & f receiving), body praise, mutual masturbation, protected sex)  (18+)
Chapter Word count:Â 29k
Series Masterlist
Status:Â Ongoing
Series summary: Working for Jungkook isnât the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesnât smile, he doesnât appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesnât help that heâs incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. Youâve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.
Playlist đ¶: on the way home
A/N: It's here! This is a long one so I hope you enjoy and savour it all. We're close to the end! So thank you so much for all the support and love for this story đ€đ€
And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight đ„°
You take up Yoongiâs offer of a listening ear on Saturday, the day after your last day at the company. You spent last night wallowing in sadness over not being able to see Jungkook during your farewell dinner and in regret for not telling him what you wanted to say - that you were thankful, that you wished the Arts Center would be everything he imagined it would be, and that hopefully, youâll see him again.Â
Maybe if he showed up, you wouldâve said more - that youâre terrified of everything he makes you feel, that youâre too burdened by your past, and that you want him even if you donât know if youâre ready to be with him.
You spent much of today convincing yourself that it was better that you didnât see him, even if you kept imagining his shy smile and the feel of his lips against yours, and then you got frustrated all over again.Â
With all thatâs going on in your head, you figured that spending dinner on your own today would make you feel more sorry for yourself, so youâre currently seated in front of Yoongi with your wonton soup barely touched while heâs just slurped the remaining noodles of his.Â
âYour soupâs getting cold,â he nudges your foot as you mindlessly gaze at your bowl. âItâs not gonna eat itself.â
âApparently, I donât eat much when Iâm sad,â you sigh, turning to him.Â
âWell, that sucks. Itâs really good soup,â he hums.Â
Yoongi looks at you patiently just as he has for the past half hour. You told him you wanted to eat out, and he agreed immediately, even offering to drive you home after. But you havenât said much since you arrived at the restaurant and he hasnât forced you to say anything either.
âIâm sorry for not being a fun dinner partner tonight,â you say.Â
âItâs okay. When I told you the other week to call me if you wanted to talk, I didnât expect you to actually talk,â he chuckles. âI know sometimes you just need someone to be with. And thereâs nothing wrong with that. You donât have to say anything if you donât want to.â
âItâs not that I donât want to. Like I said, itâs complicated,â you reply. âI can't even figure myself out.â
âItâs only complicated if you make it,â he counters. âHuman beings are complex, yes. But feelings of desire arenât. Theyâre quite straightforward. You want something and that should tell you everything. Itâs pride and fear that complicate things. If you set those aside, then youâll be able to figure out what you really feel.â
âWhat if they contradict each other?â
âThe push and pull isnât always equal though. One overpowers the other in some way. So youâre either more happy about leaving or more sad about it. And then ask yourself why.â
âIâm sad about leaving Jungkook,â you admit. âI donât regret my decision but it doesnât make me happy right now.â
âAnd why doesnât it make you happy?â
âBecause it hurt him. And then it hurt me.â
âWhy did it hurt the both of you?â
âI donât know about him,â you pout.
âThen what about you? Why did it hurt you?â
âBecause he kept his distance - he replaced me, shut me out. And then he didnât show up to my farewell dinner.â
âSo whatâs painful about that?â Yoongi pushes, wanting to help you make sense of things.
âBecause I want him close to me,â you say quietly, letting the words sink in. Youâve always known this, but saying it to someone else somehow makes it feel more real this time. âI want him⊠with me.â
âTold you it was simple,â Yoongi shrugs.
âBut it isnât,â you argue.
Yoongi is a straightforward man, and you suppose the only way for him to understand is for you to tell him the truth, so thatâs what you do.Â
You tell him about your ties to the Jeon family, why you stayed in the company for as long as you did, all the attempts at leaving, and the plan of doing so after the Arts Center opening. You share about your life in the process - your childhood of staying at the library and your coping mechanisms, your life in Busan, going back to Daegu then leaving for Seoul, working to repay a debt, and then losing yourself because of it. You talk about the closeness you developed with Jungkook, all the times that he was there for you, the kiss and the aftermath, why you pushed him away and why you also feel bad about how he reacted. You say a bit about the things that scare you - getting hurt being one of them - and why staying for Jungkook would be difficult, and why leaving him would be the same.Â
Yoongi looks at you earnestly. Heâs always known about you being guarded, keeping parts of yourself that you donât really share with others. This is the farthest youâve let him into your world, and he sees so much of Jungkook in you. Thereâs that fear of not being wanted but also of being wanted; youâre scared of not being enough to be loved but also of not loving the other person enough. Youâre unable to express how you feel because you donât know if the person will respond with the same vulnerability and honesty, and you donât like baring yourself with no one there to tell you itâs alright. Â
All of it feels like how his friend is. Heâs seen it since the moment Jungkook stepped foot into the office a year ago; heâs seen it everytime Jungkook disengages from you or gets mad at you; heâs seen it even when youâve started to become comfortable with each other, and Yoongi has seen it these past weeks of Jungkook dealing with your departure, especially recently.Â
âSo after all that, you mean to tell me that you didnât actually tell him how you feel?â Yoongi points out. âThat he just overheard you say that you like him but you didnât actually tell him? Not your feelings nor your fears, not your contradicting emotions, nor the fact that you want to be with him? Because Iâm hearing you, ___. And all I hear is that youâve found someone youâre willing to give your heart to but youâre too afraid to do anything about it. Even after heâs told you how he feels, because you donât think that he would be open and honest enough to you to mean them.â
You let out a breath and pout, Yoongiâs words making it seem simpler than it actually is. In hindsight, maybe it is, because after everything that you shared, the first thing he points out is how, despite the obvious reciprocated feelings, youâre the one whoâs afraid to give in.
âYou talked about how Jungkook made you feel braver during the times you were scared and alone and hurt,â Yoongi says, seething at your experiences that made you look towards Jungkook for strength. âWhy canât you be brave enough for him? I mean, I get it that you want to leave the company, no one questions why you would. He did but heâs accepted it because he understands, but why do you have to let him go? Is it just because of the ties to his family? Or is it because youâre afraid of what he feels for you that isnât tied to you being his assistant?â
His last question causes your face to fall, and Yoongi knows heâs hit a nerve.
âYouâve been living your life trying to prove that youâre more than your past, that youâre capable and that you deserve all that you have now,â he adds. âThis job was your life. You told me before that you donât know if youâd like yourself outside of it, and maybe youâre thinking that Jungkook wouldnât, either.â
âI⊠donât think Iâm that great, Yoongi,â you confess. âI mean, just think about what the guys I dated said about me.â
âThose donât count because theyâre absolute jerks.â
âEven then, I⊠Iâm terrible at a lot of things. I pull away, I get scared, I⊠I donât know how to be someoneâs anything. I donât know if I want to be. I donât know if I can, or what that even means,â you stammer. âFor a second there, I let my guard down for Jungkook andââ
âHe did the same and that terrifies you,â Yoongi finishes. âBeing wanted back terrifies you. Itâs why you feel confused and conflicted, ___. You have the chance to have something youâve been yearning for andââ
âIâm scared Iâd lose it,â you interject. âAnd I wonât if I donât have it. Iâm scared of heartbreak, Yoongi. I gave in when it came to Jungkook but I saw the possibilities with him and heartbreak was one of them. This is why I donât give in to anything. I mean, itâs why I didnât give in to you. I⊠I was scared weâd hurt each other and that Iâd lose you and⊠Iâm sorry Iâm bringing this up now.â
âItâs good that you are,â he assures you. âBecause do you see the difference? You didnât give in to me but you did to him. You never know if the person is worth the pain until itâs there but you at least know that heâs worth a try. I wasnât, and I donât take offense, but thatâs the point. Heâs the guy you try for, ___. Heâs the one you climb out your walls for. So donât cower inside. Be brave for him this time.â
Itâs a while before youâre able to say anything. The background chatter in the noodle house fades away in your mind as you take in Yoongiâs words. And heâs not wrong.Â
You never told Jungkook what you felt; you didnât know how to. You kissed him to express that, but you pushed him away just as quickly, but you never got to say anything else, especially after. And now youâre left to wonder - what was the fear really about? And what was the need to let go of him because of it?
Youâre scared of a lot of things; youâre scared of every single thing you want to have. You learned some time ago that Jungkook was the same, but you think that youâre probably more terrified than he is.Â
Youâre a walking contradiction, too - you want to cut ties with him because it reminds you of a past you donât want to be defined by, but in doing so, youâre cutting yourself off as what you started as - his assistant, and youâre scared to be anything else but that. You were good at it - you were competent, capable; you managed his life and the team well. But being with him means you have to be someone else for him - his partner, his companion, his lover, and you donât know how to be those things for him. You donât know if youâd like yourself, and so you donât know if heâd like you if you tried. And that scares you.
But like Yoongi said, you thought Jungkook was at least worth it; you wouldnât have kissed him if you didnât, even if you thought it was a moment of weakness. You just have to follow through with that belief this time, and be brave enough to not just want him because you do; you have to be brave enough to let him want you back. You have to be brave enough to believe that heâll stay.Â
âHow⊠how do I do that? How do you become brave for someone?â You finally ask.Â
Yoongi relaxes in his seat, his eyes the most comforting theyâve ever been.Â
âYou just tell them how you feel,â he says. âYou face it head on because you know that thereâs something more important than a possible heartbreak, and thatâs losing on the possibility of happiness with them.â
You let out a breath. You know Yoongiâs right. Youâd said that you want to know how itâs like to be truly happy with Jungkook, and itâs this paralyzing fear and stubbornness thatâs keeping you from finding out. But you suppose that when youâve gotten used to keeping a lot of things in, just telling someone how you feel isnât that easy.
âItâs hard for you, I know,â he continues, reading your mind. âBut how would you learn what your heart is capable of if you donât follow it?â
âThen youâll just risk it getting broken,â you argue.
âYou do,â he hums. âHearts break. But itâs not the only thing they do.â
The words are simple, just as the thought is. You almost feel embarrassed that Yoongi has to remind you of these things, about the inevitability of pain and loss and how it should be worth it in the end. But the fear comes from somewhere, from a heart thatâs close to your own that shattered so many times, you wondered at one point if it was still capable of loving.Â
âI told you that I never met my dad, right?â You share, willing to bare a bit more of yourself to him. âHe left before I was born because he wasnât ready. But mom⊠Mom loved him deeply. I found a photo of them under her pillow one time and I asked her about it, and she had me lay my head on her lap while she told me about him. I was around 6 years old and probably didnât understand much but I felt her tears drop on my cheek, and then everyday for weeks, Iâd hear her cry, all alone in her room. And somehow, she just cried harder every time I hugged her.â
You remember those days. You learned what it felt like to have your heart broken at that age, and it was because of seeing your mom try to smile through glassy eyes; it was hearing her tell you that she loved you, even if the other half of you was the reason why she was hurting in the first place.
âEventually a man came along and he made her laugh until he stopped,â you continue. âUntil all he could do was hurt her. And that⊠that felt worse. Sheâd just learned to share herself again but then he just broke her. And I⊠I felt that, too. I felt it every time she hugged me, kissed me, covered my ears to drown out his yelling⊠I felt it every time I had my head on her lap so I wouldnât see her break down.â
Your eyes wander into the streets outside, recalling those difficult years when your mother protected you, even as she was in pain herself.
âThey say that a parent feels the pain their child is feeling,â you say. âI guess itâs true for children, too. I felt her pain, I felt her heart break. Her heart was my heart. And I guess ever since then Iâve just been scared for it to happen to me, knowing how much it hurts. It took years before she could recover. That was hard, too.â
âHow long did it take her to give Min-woo a chance?â
âYears,â you shake your head. âShe was so cautious. But he stuck around, and she realized he was worth it all. And she gained two other daughters who adore her in the process.â
âHer heart was your heart,â Yoongi repeats your words. âAnd all she did was love. That means your heart is capable of just as much. Itâs just as strong, too.â
Youâve never thought about it that way. You've always believed that the one thing you took from your mother was her grace. Perhaps if you tried, youâd learn that you took her strength, too. Maybe her unyielding ability to care. Perhaps itâs her faith in what she was capable of no matter how broken she may be.Â
âI⊠I needed this,â you tell Yoongi, your eyes misty at his words. âItâs been hard understanding myself lately. And you, you just know me. You know what to say all the time.â
âItâs because I risked something, too, when I told you how I felt about you all those years ago,â he replies, the reminder of his unrequited feelings no longer awkward for either of you. âAnd at the end of it, I learned how I could care for you, and that I could care for you much better as a friend.â
âAnd well, youâve been an amazing one to me, especially this past year.â
âGood, so for my sake, especially since you and Jungkook give me so much headache,â Yoongi laughs, âremember everything I said, okay? Your heart is capable of so much. So please give it a try and follow it. I doubt it will be broken this time around.â
You spend the entirety of Sunday at home, cleaning up the place and tending to your growing collection of plants. It was a cool enough day for you to walk up the neighborhood to buy some things from the store, and as Yoongiâs words from the night before ring in your head, you find yourself hurting more at the absence of Jungkook in your life.Â
Thereâs a new recipe for fried rice that you saw online, and he was your first thought because you think heâd like it. You read an article about Lee Jaemin in the morning where she mentioned the Arts Center, and you wanted to share it with him and gush over her words. His favorite Japanese chef has opened a new restaurant in Insadong and you wonder if heâs already tried it. The playground at the park is closed because theyâre doing repairs after you told the council about how rusted the swings have become at Jungkookâs suggestion.Â
Theyâre little things, really, and you realize even more just how much of yourself youâve shared with him, and how much of himself heâs shared as well. Whatever lines that were drawn up due to your respective positions were crossed long ago, even before that kiss. It started when you both started to care for each other, and when you both started to wish for the otherâs happiness and healing. On your end, youâd hoped youâd be a part of that and that heâd be a part of yours. You donât think that has changed though.
There are still many things you want to share with him, you realize again, especially on that Monday afternoon when you find yourself at Rkive Publishing for your contract signing that has you looking at Namjoon in question.Â
âAre⊠are you sure?â you ask him, as you read through the document.Â
Heâd sent a version of this for your review a few days ago and youâd given your verbal confirmation. You expected to come today to just sign the contract, but he asked you to review it again since he made a few changes. The salary is one of them.Â
âAre you asking me if Iâm sure of offering you a higher compensation package?â Namjoon raises an eyebrow, clearly amused.Â
âY-yes?â You say. âI mean, not that I donât prefer it but⊠why?âÂ
You knew that working for a smaller organization, and for a publishing company at that, despite having a higher position and more responsibilities meant that your pay wouldnât be significantly different from what you were getting at the Jeon Corporation. Youâd accepted that, and it was something youâd talked about with Namjoon. But still, this little bit of increase is something you hadnât expected.
âWeâll, letâs just say that weâve had many applicants in the past who oversold themselves. You did the opposite,â he responds. âYou impressed me and the panel enough with your resume and interview and we thought you were a good fit but that recommendation letter from your companyâs President showed us just how qualified you were, and that thereâs so much potential there. I was also able to speak with your most recent boss.â
âVP Jeon?â
âYes, I was on a call with him last Friday. He elaborated on the strengths youâd mentioned and that Mr. Jung had noted,â Namjoon responds. âTheyâre top executives of a well-known company who have worked closely with you, who saw your growth, and can attest to your potential. Given all those qualities, we thought it was just fair that we increase your compensation. Weâve learned itâs important to trust and be committed to our staff, and this is how we show that.â
âThis⊠this is deeply appreciated,â you manage to say, not realizing just how valuable the references were. You check to see that your responsibilities didnât change much, so you know that this is really them, believing in your worth.
âWeâre looking to expand in the next few years and are working towards establishing our position in the industry,â he adds. âWe donât just need competent individuals - we need leaders, we need people of good character who can embody all the things that we stand for. Weâre trying to build something here and someone like you would be a wonderful asset. You can help us grow, ___. And I, well,â he continues, shyly smiling. âI just really wanted to make sure that we got a good start. Your role is critical. Itâs also one of the toughest ones out there and I wanna show you that we want you here. I mean, I was sure a lot of companies were trying to get you and weâd have to compete for you.â
âI was already convinced early on, Namjoon,â you assure him. âTo be honest, meeting you at the bookstore that day felt like some sign from the universe that it was time for me to carve my own path. I guess I didnât just need a new environment, I needed a blank slate, too, where I could start over and feel like I was really doing this for myself, that I wasnât trying to prove anything to anyone else, not even to me.â
âGlad I took a chance on talking to you, then, even if I sort of freaked you out,â he chuckles. âIâm still sorry about that.â
âIt was fine,â you laugh. âIn hindsight, Iâm also glad you did. I told you, it was a moment that stuck with me. Itâs what pushed me to learn about what youâre all doing here, to learn about you. I⊠I do well when Iâm surrounded by good people, by those who believe in their work, and those who believe in others. I know it wonât be easy but I already know Iâll thrive here. So thank you for giving me this chance, too.â
You and Namjoon talk some more and then lock in a date for your first day. You agree to start in three weeks - that gives you enough time to properly rest and mentally prepare yourself for this new phase. Youâll still be in a fast-paced and high-stress environment, but youâll control your time and directly manage a team. Everythingâs going to be new, and you want to be ready when it all happens, which is also why youâll be doing your onboarding a few days before.Â
âI wanted to give this to you,â he says, handing you a book as he walks you out the door. âI always give one to new staff as a form of welcome because books are our heart and soul, you know?â
âThis is lovely, Namjoon,â you smile at him. âThis will definitely be my companion for the next few weeks.â
âGood. Itâs always meaningful to have something tangible like this,â he smiles back.Â
Thereâs warmth in the way he does it, as if every time he talks about books, it elicits special memories. You think being around someone like that will be good for you, as you try to hold onto good memories yourself despite the sadness you still feel.
âI hope you like it,â he says before bidding you goodbye.Â
You walk through the neighborhood and picture yourself going through this route everyday. Itâs definitely nothing like the busy streets that youâre used to. There are more trees and quaint cafes and boutique stores here, and even just this change is already making you feel lighter; you can imagine getting over your stress with surroundings like this. You suppose thatâs how Namjoon remains as calm and hopeful as he is despite his responsibilities - thereâs so much energy you get just being outdoors, and itâs something you decide youâll do today.Â
You have all the time in the world now, so you grab coffee then head to a park to enjoy the early summer cool air.Â
The book that Namjoon gave you is a novel published five years ago about a woman who quit her job in search of herself. You donât think itâs a coincidence, as in such a short time, you've come to know him as a thoughtful man whoâs very assuring, and you suppose this is his way of telling you that everything will be okay as you take on this new journey alongside him. The bright color palette of the design seems to reflect the hopeful subject of the book, and right as youâre about to start reading, the sound of children laughing catches your attention.
Thereâs a playground nearby, and your mind immediately goes to Jungkook. Thereâs an image of him looking happy and safe in a place that made him feel those things that you keep in your heart. You donât know how he looks like as a child but you can somehow imagine a little boy riding the swing and coming down the slide with the softest smile and thinking that he can do and be anything he wants, that he feels capable enough for it, and that heâs able to share that joy with whoever whoâs with him.
You think about earlier when Namjoon was talking about your capabilities and how you were able to see yourself the way Jungkook and Hoseok see you as a professional. You think about how it felt being supported that way, how their trust and confidence in you made you trust and be confident in yourself, too. Thereâs this pride you feel at being able to make that much of an impression on your new boss early on and thereâs no stress, thereâs no pressure.Â
Sure, you want to show that all those arenât empty words, but thereâs no urge to prove yourself that you earned your spot unlike how youâve been these past nine years. Thereâs just this desire to live - work is a part of it but so is reading stories, meeting people and learning about them, walking through quiet streets and appreciating the sunlight peeking through the trees. Thereâs this yearning to experience the day and not just survive it.Â
You look at the book in your hands and know that someday, youâll be holding one that you had a hand in creating. And it would be something that you poured your heart and soul into, one that you experienced in its entirety, and it would make you so happy knowing that you could touch it, that you can hear it, that you can see the story come to life in your mind.
You trace your fingers down the front cover and realize that this beautiful thing is tangible. And then you realize another thing - happiness is tangible, too. Youâd felt it, youâd heard it. Youâd seen it smile at you. Youâd felt its lips against yours, too, but then you pulled away and became too afraid to take it back. Happiness was so close - it breathed you in, it held you close; it wanted you, and you were too scared to let it stay.
You spent so many years chasing it. Youâd found it in your friends and your new family, but there was always something more that you wanted, one that you couldnât find. Until him. And youâre slowly learning just how painful it is to let it slip away.
Jungkook stays in your mind for the rest of the evening, and you find yourself wanting to share about your day.Â
You want to tell him that you felt a little shy when Namjoon was praising you but that you felt proud of yourself. And that you wanted to thank him.Â
You want to tell Jungkook that your new work environment is quite charming, that the surrounding areas are inspiring, and that you might just start spending time outdoors from now on. And that you wish you get to explore it with him.Â
You want to tell him that youâre excited to start your new job and that youâll maybe start reading books because youâll have a hand in creating the finished products. And that you want to share that with him, maybe make him read it, too.
You want to tell him that youâre sorry. That you shouldnât have doubted what he felt, that you should've stood by your feelings regardless and fought for them. You want to tell him that you donât regret quitting, but that you regret losing him in the process. That no matter how hard you try, heâs still the one you look for, the one you want to talk about your day with, the one you want to share your dream and hopes to.Â
Jungkook has made you feel free in a way that you hadnât before - an irony, considering that working for his family made you feel constricted, burdened, stagnant. But there are so many possibilities with him, so many reasons - to smile, to be brave, to hope, to yearn for more, to believe that you deserve good things that you can touch. And you want to know what those are like; you donât want to lose out on that chance and lose him completely.Â
Perhaps all you had to do was free your heart so it could feel what itâs supposed to. Like what Yoongi said, maybe you just had to follow it to know what it could do.Â
Itâs why on Thursday of that week, you find yourself inside his office with an envelope in hand, as you hope that actually freeing your heart and following it isnât too late.Â
You were scheduled to come today so you could get your final pay and sign some documents with HR. You arrived mid-morning and got to those right away. It didnât take long, which is why you were able to pass by Hoseokâs office to update him about your new job and thank him for the recommendation. You headed to the support teamâs office after, and they were quick to make lunch plans with you. Jungkookâs at the Arts Center, they said, so they can take their break in half an hour, but they canât be out long. There are lots of things they have to do with the opening happening on Friday of the next week.
Lucas told you that heâd found some of your supplies that youâd left and theyâre in a drawer in his desk, and you told him that you could get them yourself. They were easy to find, and you took the time to leave little notes for him in between folders and files; you figured that finding them on days when he doesnât expect them could give him encouragement somehow.Â
Jungkookâs door was slightly opened, and you took the chance to enter and take in a piece of him. The last time you were here, it felt like there was so much you still couldnât say, there were feelings you were too afraid to face and words you werenât sure he wanted to hear. Being back here, you feel a lot braver, and you know it matters that now, youâre trying to be brave for him.Â
You stand in front of his desk, almost cradling the letter youâd written last night. Youâve spent the past days outdoors, finding cafes and quaint spots in areas that youâve never explored before. Youâve been reading the book, too, and the more time you spent by yourself - not being tired, not being stressed, not feeling lost or burdened - the more you realized just how much youâve been missing and yearning for things. And that you deserved whatever it was you wanted, and that included Jungkook.Â
The life youâd started to live without him convinced you that the intimacy and connection youâve been desiring is something you can find with him. You want to know what thatâs like; you want to know how happy you could be with him, and youâll only know it if you express it to him this time. You owe it to him to do that; youâre scared that any more time apart will push both of you farther away, too far to pull the other back because the anchor wasnât set securely in the first place. You donât want him to be your what if; you donât want him to be your biggest regret.
Telling him how you felt was another thing, though, and writing a letter took you longer than expected. You donât know how heâll take it, but you could only hope heâll see your sincerity through it, and that heâll still want you, even if it took you quite a while to accept what he felt, too.
His desk isnât as organized as it usually is, but you place the envelope on top of a folder of blueprints that you know heâs going to get to soon. You know how he is - he always likes his things in their proper place. The center is the urgent pile so you know heâs gonna find this once he gets back and that maybe, heâll go to you right after, hopefully to tell you that he still wants you, that he still wants to be with you, and that like heâd asked before, youâll figure things out together.Â
Thereâs fear just as thereâs excitement. You hope at the end of all this, youâll find yourself in his arms - everything forgiven, with nothing but more good memories youâll create.Â
You head out to lunch with the team shortly after and hold off on asking how Jungkookâs doing or about the changes in the Arts Center. Everyone looks tired enough as it is and you donât want them thinking about work during their break, so you settle on talking about your new job and how excited you are. Theyâll be supporting the books, they say; you canât help but think again about how much you want to share them with Jungkook, too.Â
You spend the rest of the day at home, waiting for that phone call from him or perhaps, his knock on your door. Youâre unsure if heâll come today; you donât want to think that he wouldnât, even if he has reasons not to want to see you anymore after what youâve done.Â
But the hope lives, as you convince yourself in the evening that maybe he got back to the office late and hadnât seen your letter.Â
You do the same thing the next day - you stay at home, hesitant to leave in case he comes, and then tell yourself that thereâs a reason why he hasnât shown up at your door yet.Â
You do it again the day after, then the next, and then again.
The hope remained but it has now withered away. Itâs Tuesday afternoon, and he still hasnât come.
Jungkook sinks in the seat of his desk, breathing heavily as he tries to catch a break. Itâs not much, but itâs the only moment he has of complete silence where he forces himself to not do or think about anything. He gives himself only ten minutes each day for this, other than when heâs sleeping. He does it only between meetings or calls or visits to the Arts Center, which he fits all in one day.Â
Itâs only 2PM on Thursday but it might as well be late on a Friday evening. Heâs exhausted, as if he hasnât rested for days, as if he hasnât been sleeping properly, and as if he hasnât stopped working. And all of those are true.Â
Ever since heâd decided on making changes in the Arts Center, heâs been going nonstop. From drawing up the design, purchasing materials, to constructing the room, Jungkook has been doing it all, on top of managing the rest of the work being done. Heâs employed the help of Yoongi and a project manager to help him, but Jungkook has been the one making all the decisions, and that definitely didnât go well with his father.Â
He caught the ire of the old man right away, with the CEO scolding him for doing this weeks before the opening and for going over budget, which is why Jungkook stays in the Arts Center most of the day, going in the afternoon and then staying or returning at night, doing the manual labor himself so he doesnât have to pay more for the workers. He paints the walls as well as some of the furniture, and thatâs taken so much of him these past weeks, especially his time, time that heâd taken away from seeing you.Â
He wasnât really present during your last days at the company. He approved all your leaves and he was sincere about having you take them, but during the days when you were in the office, he was barely there. He was either physically at the Center or his mind was.Â
Other times, he was performing his executive functions, with Hoseok reminding him of his Vice President duties. Jungkook had neglected some of them, as evidenced by his messy desk thatâs giving him a headache. Heâs always been organized with his things but not recently, not when all heâs been doing is working himself to the bone like what heâs used to. But this has more at stake for him; this isnât just some structure or room heâs building. Itâs so much more.
One other thing heâs been doing is regretting that he wasnât there during your last day to bid you goodbye and to see you for the last time, it seemed like. He wished you well and thanked you, even if there was more he wanted to say. He knew he wouldnât be able to, and he wouldnât have handled lingering, too, if that would give you a chance to say something more to him that would make him express what heâs really feeling, and heâs scared that would push you further away.Â
He was never good at that. The one time he told you what he wanted and felt, things didnât go right - the timing was off, you doubted his sincerity, and there was so much you kept hidden from him. He hasnât known what to do nor say since then, which is why heâs doing what heâs doing for you. Itâs more than the words he doesnât know how to say; itâs something he wonât regret as it expresses everything thatâs been in his heart, and itâs lasting, itâs constant, itâs comforting; itâs everything he wants to be for you.Â
But then again, all this work kept him from seeing you for the last time, and itâs a reminder again of how heâs been living his life - diverting his attention to other things instead of facing whatâs important.Â
Thereâs not much he can do now, though. Everything has been completed. All the certifications have been secured, all the invitations are out, the promotion for the opening is all over social media, and the support team is on top of everything thatâll take place tomorrow. With the end of it just within reach, heâs able to take a breath, and itâs why heâs able to extend his short break to 15 minutes.Â
The Arts Center is being cleaned and security checked, so he has no choice but to stay away from it until it opens tomorrow. So right now, he has the time to work on his other responsibilities, such as draft plans for a project that Hoseokâs working on that heâd asked Jungkook to review.Â
âI had Lucas leave the blueprints on your desk last week,â the older man says over the phone after being asked if the files are still with him. âYou should see it right away. It was urgent so I told him to put it at the center.â
âWell, thatâs one of many thatâs apparently urgent,â Jungkook sighs as he sees the pile of documents in front of him. It seems like heâs neglected a lot of other things this past week. âWhen did you say you left them?â
âThursday morning,â Hoseok responds. âYou wouldâve seen them immediately.â
âI wouldâve⊠except I havenât really been at my desk in days.â
Which is the truth. Jungkook has been sitting on his desk only to go through his emails and then signing documents that Lucas gives him before heading to meetings and the Arts Center. Itâs been his schedule this entire week, which is why he hadnât seen the designs that Hoseokâs talking about. And as Jungkook goes through the pile - of memos for checking, of studies from Yoongi - he sees something else that makes his heart drop.
The last time he found an envelope on his desk with your handwriting on it, his world took a complete turn. He remembers reading that resignation letter and thinking that heâd really screwed things up, that life wasnât going to be the same without you next to him everyday, and that there was no way he could have you again after how things turned out.Â
He doesnât know what to expect with this, not when he hasnât seen you in days, and not when he doesnât know how youâre doing right now.
âKook?â Hoseok says on the other end after the prolonged silence. âAre you still there?â
âDid ___ come to the office this week?âÂ
âShe was here last Thursday. She signed some HR stuff and dropped by my room. Why?â
âShe⊠she left a letter on my desk.â
âOh⊠What does it say?â
âI⊠I havenât opened it. Iâm not sure Iâm ready to know whatâs inside,â Jungkook says, his hands trembling as he places it back down.
âIt could be many things but you wonât know unless you read it,â Hoseok responds. âBoth of you have been keeping your feelings to each other from each other, Kook. This⊠this might be something that changes that.â
âDid⊠did she say anything to you when she visited?â
âJust about her job. She seems content and excited. Whatever else she feels, Iâm pretty sure itâs in there. So read it, and donât worry about the designs. Those can wait.â
Jungkook drops the call, noting that heâll thank his cousin later on. This letter is the most important thing right now, even if heâs nervous about whatâs written on it.Â
He finally opens the envelope and the first thing he sees are pictures - one of an empty playground, and another one of you on the swing, smiling. Itâs been weeks without your smile, and remembering how much comfort itâs given him is what makes him calm down; itâs what makes him have the courage to read through the letter.
Jungkook,
I took the photo of the playground during my birthday trip using the gift you got me. We passed by a park on the way to one of the towns and we stayed there for a while. It was so beautiful, so peaceful. I felt a kind of comfort Iâve never felt before, and it made me think of how I feel when Iâm around you.Â
I was thinking of you, too, when Soomin took my photo. I seem to do that a lot, Iâve learned. I think of you and smile, and thereâs this unfamiliar feeling of joy. Thereâs this yearning to feel it everyday, and that scares me. We kissed and the desire for you scared me even more. So did the thought that I canât be what you need me to be despite what we feel, and that there's a possibility Iâd get hurt along the way.Â
But I learned that what scares me the most is losing you.
I donât regret leaving, but I regret how I did it, and Iâm so sorry for everything. I wish I got to tell you what I really felt, and I wish I realized much sooner that the happiness Iâve been looking for is one I can find with you.Â
Iâm scared of many things, Jungkook, but you make me braver. This is me being brave for you. Please come and find me. I hope itâs not too late.Â
XX
Jungkook reads the letter one more time. Itâs nothing like he imagined but everything he hoped. Youâve wanted him all this time; you still want him after everything. He senses the sadness and the hope in your words, and theyâre things he feels, too.Â
You want him to find you. And just like you, he hopes itâs not too late.Â
He rushes out of his room and instructs Lucas to cancel all his meetings for the day. Jungkook heads to the support teamâs office to tell Mr. Ri that thereâs somewhere important they need to go.Â
âWhere to?â The older man asks once they get inside the car.
â___âs place,â Jungkook pants. âGet there as fast as you can.â
Mr. Ri doesnât ask any more questions. He drives off and merely glances at the rear view mirror.Â
âWeâll get to her,â he says. âOne way or another, weâll get to her.â
Jungkook could only hope, but when he gets to your apartment and finds it empty, that hope slowly fades. Heâd call you but thatâs not how he wants to fix things, he thinks. Thatâs not how he wants to ask you to be with him. He probably wonât even be able to say what he really means. So he tries one more, knocking and calling out your name, but no one comes.
âSheâs not here,â someone calls out. âIs there anything I can help you with?â
Jungkook turns around and finds your elderly neighbor, a woman heâd seen that one day he visited you after you got injured. Youâve mentioned her a few times and how she sends over food on some nights and invites you for tea on some weekends. She looks kind and warm, and definitely curious.
âShe⊠she asked me to find her,â he says dejectedly. âBut I didnât know she wanted me to. I didnât see her letter right away and now⊠now itâs too late.â
âYouâre the man she was waiting for,â she hums, walking closer. âSheâs right, youâre very handsome.â
âShe⊠she talked about me?â
âA few times. I asked about how she got home when she hurt her ankle and she said you helped her,â the woman smiles. âI donât see anybody visit her other than her friends. And Iâve known her for years; I havenât seen any other man sheâs allowed in her home in all that time, nor has she talked about one. I knew then you meant a lot to her. But she said things were too complicated and that always held her back.â
âThat always held me back, too,â he responds. Heâd smile at the thought that youâve talked about him, but it doesnât change the fact that youâre gone. Thereâs a reason why you stopped waiting. âHas she been well?â
âShe has. She seems to have more life in her now. I always felt like her old job tired her out so much,â she says. âSheâs excited to start fresh, and Iâm proud of her. Oftentimes we stay in one place for too long and we just lose ourselves in it, you know? We lose sight of the things that make us happy and it was really brave of her to leave behind everything sheâs known.â
âIt was. I know that now,â Jungkook sighs. âDid she say if she found it? What makes her happy?â
âShe did. She said she found you.â
The words hit him, as he knows itâs the same for him. You may have found each other in the place youâve both been in for so long, but itâs losing each other that perhaps made you both realize what it was you couldnât live without. Letting each other go showed what happiness actually looked like, and that neither of you wanted to be without it anymore.
âI found her too late, I think.â
âThatâs for her to decide, though. You wonât know unless you look for her,â she hints.Â
âWhen did she leave?â
âTuesday afternoon. That was just two days ago. I doubt sheâs changed her mind,â she smiles again. âWell, Iâd love to stay here and chat but I have some grandchildren to pick up. And I believe you have someone to find.â
âI think I do,â he responds, the nervousness evident in his voice. âThank you, maâam.â
âYouâre welcome,â she hums. âGet to her, okay? She deserves someone who wonât give up on her.â
You donât, Jungkook agrees, as he nods in goodbye and heads back to the car. Thatâs not something he will do this time. All heâs done was let his fears and worries speak for him these past months and he doesnât want to do that anymore, not when thereâs more of you that heâll lose.Â
âSheâs not home,â Jungkook responds to Mr. Riâs questioning look. âI⊠I didnât get to her in time.â
âWhere to, then?â
Jungkook breaks as he imagines you in your apartment, waiting for him, wondering when heâd call or knock on your door. He canât imagine you still doing that after he made you wait, but the one thing heâll do this time is go to where you are and tell you everything he needs to.Â
After the heartbreak he caused, he assumes youâd go to either your family or your friends. He remembers the way youâd talked about your mom in the past, and how her comfort was always the one you sought.
âDo you mind driving to Daegu?â Jungkook asks.Â
âNot at all,â Mr. Ri smiles. âI figure sheâll be there, too.â
The long drive feels that much longer with Jungkook in the passenger seat, just looking out the window and watching the buildings and houses pass him by. He turns to the man next to him every once in a while, asking about how you were during your last weeks in the office.
âShe was trying her best, making sure she had everything organized. She spent a lot of time with the team, too, and I think that lessened her guilt, because she felt that,â Mr. Ri shares. âShe hated that she had to leave at this time, but I knew it meant a lot to her that she was finally doing it.â
Jungkook hums, thankful that the team assured you that it was all okay. But still, he wondered some more, and the look on his face is something that the older man reads.Â
âShe hated that she had to leave you, too,â Mr. Ri adds. âI think it mattered to her that she didnât feel tied to your family through you, even if she was always going to be. It mattered that she made that choice to leave you, that she came to terms with who she is and her past and decided that it didnât matter, that she still wanted you despite all of that.â
âYou sound hopeful,â Jungkook laughs dryly. âThat makes one of us.â
âYou can tell how much someone cares by how they hurt, Jungkook. And during her farewell dinner when you didnât show up, she⊠she was hurt,â Mr. Ri says. âI had to wipe her tears that night. I think thatâs also when she realized how much she really felt for you, when she saw what life could be like without you and knew it wouldnât make her happy.â
Knowing he made you cry again when he wasnât there on your last day frustrates Jungkook. He held himself back that time, thinking that a short goodbye would be better for both of you. Then he spent the rest of the day at the Arts Center and heâd completely forgotten about the dinner. In his mind, he already let you go; seeing you another time would pain him again. But thatâs what hurt you in return.Â
âWhy are you going after her now?â Mr. Ri bursts through his thoughts. âAfter all these weeks of avoiding her, of convincing yourself that letting her go was the right decision, why now?â
âIt hurts so much without her. I guess itâs how I know.â
The older man gives a satisfied smile. He always knew that only both of you could decide for yourselves when the pain was too much because only both of you would really know what to do about it. You've done your part and now itâs Jungkookâs turn.
They make it to your neighborhood in over three hours, with only one stop over at a service center. Itâs the house in the corner, Mr. Ri says, and realizing that youâre so close again, Jungkook starts getting anxious. He doesnât exactly know what to say. He supposes that coming out here to see you on a work day is enough of a statement, and maybe youâll both just take it from there.
The car stops and he looks at the man to his left, as if pleading to take the lead for now.Â
âAish,â Mr. Ri huffs. âAre you really gonna make me ring the doorbell and ask for her after driving you all the way here?â
âYes,â Jungkook pouts. âI⊠I donât know what to say. What if she doesnât wanna see me because I made her wait too long? What if sheâs angry? What if she realized while waiting for me that she made a mistake?â
âOver three hours sitting in the car and thatâs what you came up with? That sheâs angry?â Mr. Ri scowls. âDonât make me think youâre hopeless.â
âPlease?âÂ
The older man sighs, thinking that Jungkook just needs time to pull himself together before facing you.Â
They both get out of the car, with Jungkook standing on the side of the entryway, hiding behind the shrubs just in case you answer the door.Â
Mr. Ri rings the doorbell and not long after, the gate opens. And for all the years that Jungkook has known the older man - with his firm and often stoic disposition - this is the first time that heâs ever seen his face soften, the gentle smile appearing and lingering. Thereâs a beat of silence, a moment of appreciation it seems, before he says anything.
âHye-soo. Itâs so nice to see you again.â
âByung-hun,â the woman greets. âItâs been so long. When was the last time we saw each other? Was it ___âs 25th birthday?â
âI think it was. That was a really great day. Your house looked much different back then.â
âWho knew an old house needed repairs and renovations to stay up,â she laughs. âBut it all worked out. Weâve got more space now.â
âSpace enough for Yoon-chae and Yeo-jin to run about?â Mr. Ri chuckles. âI remember their tag game then. They complained how it always ended so fast. But ___ also told me theyâve grown up so much now. And that they adore you. Howâs it like raising teenagers at this time?â
âAh, difficult,â she chuckles. âBut itâs wonderful. They⊠they truly see me as their mother and I⊠I get to do things right this time.â
âHey, you always did,â he comforts, having seen her do everything she could for you. âNo one couldâve raised and loved ___ better than you. You got through the toughest times because of that.â
âWith a little help, of course,â she smiles. âYou know I couldnât have done it without you. And years later, youâre still looking out for her. That means the world to me.â
Sheâs where all my love goes to, Mr. Ri doesnât say. He knew early on that the only way to not lose himself in losing her is to care for the one person she loves the most - you.
âAnd you? Have you been well?â Hye-soo asks.Â
âAs well as I could be,â he hums. âThe stress isnât the same as when I was working next to Jae-sung but he still tasked me to babysit his son; that in itself is a bit tough.â
âAnd why is that?â Hye-soo giggles, knowing thereâs affection in his words.
âHeâs a bit of a hard-head, you know? Pretty stubborn, too, just like his father,â Mr. Ri laments, disregarding the scrunched eyebrows of the man just meters away from him. âAnd he makes me drive all the way out here, only to be scared to face the woman heâs been looking for.â
âIs that so?â Hye-soo asks, picking up on the man in front of him gesturing towards the side. âI hope he knows that he has nothing to be afraid of.â
Mr. Ri finally turns to Jungkook, motioning for him to get out of hiding and do what he came here for. Jungkook sighs in his place, thinking that this is the first time heâs meeting your mother, and itâs after heâd made you wait and think that he doesnât feel the same way. With his head bowed down, he walks towards the gate.Â
Thereâs a softness on his face when he looks up, and Hye-soo beams in delight at how the man she hasnât seen in over 20 years looks very much like the 10-year old boy who used to quietly draw cars and houses on the Jeon mansion living room floor. Itâs that same shyness and those same wide and curious eyes that made her have a soft spot for the younger son. They reminded her so much of you.Â
âJungkook,â she says with such warmth. âYouâve grown up so well. Itâs nice to see you after all these years.â
She definitely has your smile. Itâs welcoming and assuring and perhaps the one thing he didnât know he needed before seeing you. Thereâs so much comfort in her eyes, and thereâs this subtle strength that she exudes, one thatâs oddly giving him the courage to face you.Â
âMrs. Cho,â he bows. âItâs nice to finally meet you. I wish it was because of other reasons, though.â
âWhatâs wrong about the reason you have today?â She wonders.Â
âA lot of things,â he sighs.
âNonsense. Youâre here. Thatâs all that matters,â she smiles. âWould you like to come in?â
âThat would be great.â
Jungkook follows inside while Mr. Ri opts to stay behind.Â
Thereâs something special about entering someoneâs house. People spend time and energy to make it feel like home, to make it be a place of safety and warmth. Itâs a place filled with all the things they care about, of all the things they love.Â
Jungkook never designed the places heâs lived in; an irony, considering his profession. But his residences have always been a place for him to just move into, to just sleep and eat and work at. Theyâve always been⊠empty - grand, expensive, well-designed, but empty. Theyâre superficial, he would say, a reflection of what heâs always felt. Which is also why he never really welcomes anyone other than his friends. The women he used to bring home donât count - heâd let them in and make them leave; he never makes them stay long enough to be comfortable, to feel like they belong there. Sometimes he doesnât feel like he belongs there, either, as if itâs a place reserved just for him to feel alone in.Â
And so being welcomed in someone elseâs home feels different. Youâd done it to him, and being in your apartment both times made him feel at ease and familiar. Now, your mother welcomes him to the place where you grew up and it feels the same - thereâs that comfort, that sense of nostalgia, even if he knows heâs never been here before.
âWelcome to our humble mansion,â your mother says. âPlease, feel at home. Would you like some tea?â
âUh, yes. Tea is fine,â he bows.
She heads to the kitchen and Jungkook is left to look around. Itâs not a small house but itâs not large, either. Heâs in the middle of a spacious living room, with shelves lining up the walls - one has family pictures in it, the other one has books and small framed paintings. The dining and kitchen are to the right; on the left is a hallway that seems to lead towards the bedrooms. Thereâs a screened door that also leads out the backyard.Â
The entire space is airy, with lots of natural light coming through the windows. He spots some renovations done over time, as thereâs some mismatch of materials, something only trained eyes could see. But theyâre done well, and he could see the love that created this home for all of you.Â
Your mother returns with two cups and places them on the table. She asks him to sit down, and Jungkook makes himself comfortable, facing the door as he gazes out at the sky and admires the beautiful changing of the colors. He knows youâd probably admire how it looks, too.
She observes him - nervous as he meets her eyes, a kind of desperation and fear evident as he constantly shifts on his seat. Heâs grown up so much, but heâs still that shy little boy she remembers meeting all those years ago. She used to regularly go to the Jeon estate for some private events, and she wonât forget how Jungkook was the son who always kept to himself, content with a sketchpad and some crayons or riding the swing in his custom-built playground.Â
âDo you remember me at all?â She wonders.Â
âNo,â he shakes his head. âDid I see you often?â
âA handful of times,â she responds. âYour father introduced me to you and your brother when I first started and Iâd see you whenever I had to go to your house. But you were always so shy.â
âI was, but I⊠I wasnât really good at paying attention. And I guess, there were a lot of things from when I was younger that I donât remember,â he explains.Â
The faraway look in his eyes says that thereâs more to that, that they arenât just things he doesnât remember but theyâre memories he tries not to, that he blocks out.Â
âIâm sorry about what you had to go through as a child,â your mother says, having wanted to express her apology for years, knowing how much the experience haunted him. âI involved your parents in a very personal matter and that deeply affected your family. It affected you.â
âIt wasnât your fault. And I know it wasnât my parentsâ, either,â he sighs, feeling regret over the resentment he felt and the distance he created.Â
âThey were just trying to protect you. I hope you know that now.â
âI do,â he hums. âDo you⊠do you know what happened that night? In the woods?â
âByung-hun told me,â she nods. âIâve never seen him so broken over not finding you sooner. He carried that guilt with him, too, that he didnât look out for you the way he shouldâve.â
âI⊠I didnât know that.â
âThat man feels a lot even if he doesnât show it. Heâs got the biggest heart that I know and he cares for you so much,â she smiles. âA lot of people do. That includes my daughter.â
At the mention of you, Jungkookâs eyes perk up, the softness mixed with sadness evident once more.
âShe and I didnât want our ties to your family to be known,â she explains. âIt was a way for us to move on from all that happened. But in no way did she mean to deceive you. She⊠she would talk about you with such admiration and fondness. And you showed her that it was okay to let people in, that it could be worth it to follow her heart. Sheâd hoped that you could see past her decisions and know that she was sincere about everything. That she was sincere about what she felt for you.â
âI⊠I know that now.â
âAnd I suppose thatâs why youâre here?â
âIt is,â he sighs, wanting so badly to see you, even if he doesnât know how to say everything he wants to. âIs she around?â
Thereâs a prolonged silence after his question, and your motherâs eyes flit to the far end of the house before they return to him.Â
âShe, uh, she picked up the girls from school and decided to have dinner out and watch the movies,â she excuses. âIâm not quite sure what time theyâll arrive. And itâs a shame that you came all the way here. Is there anything you want me to tell her?â
Jungkook debates whether he should wait to say all this to you, perhaps when youâre ready and able to see him, or to say what he can now, knowing itâs important that he gets to express whatever he can at this moment, knowing it will get to you somehow.Â
But he also doesnât know how much longer he can hold everything in. All the emotions he feels for you - the regret, the yearning, the desire to have you next to him - have been festering and he just needs to say them. Maybe doing so in front of your mother might be a bit of pressure, but if thereâs anyone who can relay all this to you, it would be her.
âThereâs a lot of things Iâm not good at, Mrs. Cho. Opening myself up is one of them,â he starts. âBut your daughter, she⊠she showed me that it wasnât so bad. That itâs something Iâm capable of doing, and that itâs safe to do that with her. Even when I distanced myself, she didnât go anywhere, and that does a lot for a person.â
âSheâs quite stubborn, isnât she?â Your mother laughs, remembering those hard times when sheâd tell you to get ready for bed, with you disobeying her because you wanted to hold her hand while she cried.
âShe is,â he echoes. âItâs one of the reasons why I like her. One of many, actually. Sheâs also so patient and gentle and understanding⊠everything Iâm not but⊠all the things I want to be for her. And I wish Iâd told her all this when I had the chance but I was so blinded by my own needs that I⊠I eventually pushed her away. But she was still the one to reach out. She left that letter but I only saw it today and IâŠâ
âCame all the way here to see her,â she finishes.Â
âIs it too late, do you think?â
âBetween the both of us, not at all,â your mother smiles. âSheâs all those things you said but sheâs human, Jungkook. She gets scared, too, and hard-headed and tired and upset because she feels so much when she allows herself to do that. And sometimes she needs someone to just show her that itâs worth it, that having fears is valid but that theyâre not the only things out there. And you being here⊠I think itâs what she needs.â
She pauses so he could process her words, meeting his eyes so he could feel them even more.Â
âYouâre all she thinks about, you know? She likes being home with us and sheâs excited for her new job but I can tell that thereâs something missing. And I know that's you.â
âSheâs all I think about, too,â he expresses, feeling more at ease now. âIt doesnât matter what Iâm doing or where I am, I just always think about being with her. And I know that made her doubt, too. Iâve gotten so used to her presence but thatâs not out of necessity. Iâm not⊠a boss when Iâm with her. Iâm just⊠me. Because she made me see myself as someone beyond all that I do, someone worthy, and itâs that person who wants her, who needs her.â
Jungkook bows his head, angry at himself as all the words come out now, at a time when youâre not in front of him to hear them, to see that he means all of them. For weeks, all the things you said rang in his mind and every time you were in front of him, there were so many things he wanted to say but he never could, afraid of your rejection, of losing you for good. Now theyâre out in the open, but somehow the words donât seem enough. He realizes that when it comes to what he feels for you, nothing is.Â
âThese are the things I shouldâve said to her but I just got overwhelmed at the thought of losing her,â he continues. âI donât want that, Mrs. Cho. I donât want to lose your daughter. I want to be with her and tell her that she doesnât have to be scared anymore, that I want to protect her and take care of her. I want to make her happy.â
Itâs the most heâs said about how he feels for you, and he feels quite overwhelmed about expressing them. But he has to say them. You have to know, even if youâre not the one in front of him. Theyâll get to you, heâs sure of it.
âI know she wants that, too, Jungkook. And seeing you now, I just know youâll find your way to each other again, and youâll both be free from whatever it was that was holding you back,â she assures. âBut if itâs not too much, do you mind being a little patient with her this time?â
âOf course,â he nods, knowing that everything thatâs happened could make you a bit cautious again, and thatâs not something he could blame you for. Heâll give you as much time as you need, and youâll be the one to find him once youâre ready. âIâll just be where I always am. And uh, the Arts Center opens tomorrow. It would be great if she could come.â
âSheâll know where to find you,â she smiles.Â
He feels that heâs said all that he could, so he finishes his tea and stands up. He remembers that he bought something for you, initially hoping that it would make you smile once he gave them.Â
âCould you, uh, could you give this to her?â He asks, handing your mother a plastic bag, somehow feeling ashamed that this is all he got as a peace offering.Â
She peeks inside, her eyes widening in delight.
âChocopie?âÂ
âYeah,â he smiles shyly. âI wouldâve given her flowers but I just thought this would make her happier. ___ told me that itâs her favorite because youâd give it to her as a treat while she waited for you to get off work at the school. She said it always made her day.â
âThis was your favorite, too, wasnât it?â Your mother asks.Â
âIt was. My mother said I always hoarded the ones sheâd bring home and wouldnât share it with anyone,â Jungkook chuckles, recalling those days of stacking them in his room and quietly eating them while he drew houses on his drawing pad.Â
âYou shared it to ___, though,â she says.
It catches him by surprise. Heâs never done that, as far as he knows. This is the first time heâs even getting it for you.Â
âThat night those years ago, after I told your father what was happening, he offered us to stay at the staff house of your familyâs estate until Iâve sorted things out,â she recalls. âWe were in the living room while your parents talked to me and there was little ___, hiding behind my legs. I noticed her let go for a bit and thatâs when I saw you, handing her some chocopie. She was always a shy kid but she took what you were giving, and I remember the smile on her face. Everything was new and scary for her and that⊠that was the first time she smiled that day. And Iâll never forget it.â
Jungkook stands in silence, as much of his memories from those years have been buried deep in his mind. He remembers hiding away whenever there were visitors at home but perhaps he looked on, curious about the girl who seemed scared and maybe something prompted him to share the treat with you, and something pushed you to take it.Â
âI thought she was just being nice,â your mother continues. âShe didnât really like sweets then but she ate the ones you gave her. And when Iâd take her to the convenience store after that, itâs what she always picked out. Iâve just been getting it for her since then, and thatâs probably what she remembers but it was you, Jungkook. Youâre why I bought it for her every time.â
âWeâve⊠weâve met before. And I didnât even know,â he manages to say, thinking now about the familiarity of your presence and the need to always look out for you.Â
Itâs something he always wondered about, how someone could just pull him in and make him feel things heâd never felt before - that comfort, that warmth, that desire to be good for someone else. It turns out, heâd felt those long before he knew much about the world. And while so many things happened that got both of you here, thereâs still something serendipitous about not realizing you met as kids, and then finding each other decades later. Thereâs all this pain and sadness between the both of you, much of them intertwined, but at the end of it, you heal each other, you make each other stronger, braver.Â
âShe didnât know, either,â your mother hums. âAnd this just means that she always kept something of you from that day. Without realizing it, you were always a good memory that she kept; you let her forget the bad things even though she'd forgotten about you, too. Itâs how I know that even if sheâs not the one in front of you right now, her heart will always search for you.â
Your motherâs smile is reassuring, as if she knows that itâs what he needs. Heâd meant to find you today and tell you everything he feels, but somehow he believes it wouldâve been hard for him to do that, and so expressing it is all he could do. He feels like heâs gotten so much despite not seeing you though. Learning that missing part of his childhood that had you in it is overwhelming enough, but perhaps it reinforces what heâs known all along - that his heart will also always search for you, itâll always find you, and it will always be what he wants to hold close to him.
âThank you for welcoming me to your home, Mrs. Cho,â he says as he bows another time and heads out to leave. âIt means a lot meeting you today.â
âIt does for me, too,â she states, leading him towards the door and out to the street where Mr. Ri waits. âAnd thank you for being good to my daughter. Sheâll find you. You have to trust that she will.â
He nods, knowing heâll just have to have faith in what you feel for him. And he hopes that as he walks away and gives you the space you need, youâll trust in what he feels for you, too.
Your mother bids you and Mr. Ri goodbye, the longing look between friends hitting Jungkook deeply. Theyâre each otherâs what ifâs, and while one was able to live out another love, the other kept living out the one he let go of. Itâs painful, and Jungkook now canât imagine making that choice of letting you go completely.Â
Love is a big word. Itâs something heâs forgotten how to feel. He knows thereâs still so much more to experience with you and love could be one thing, and thatâs a possibility heâs sure he wants to live out one day.
He enters the car and sighs as he sinks in his seat. Itâs been a long day and an even longer trip back home, but Mr. Ri insists that they take it.
The older man starts the car and looks dejectedly to his side. âSo, she wasnât there, huh?â
It takes a while but Jungkook answers. âShe was.â
Itâs a wild guess, but somehow he knew you were there, probably inside one of the opened rooms or in the hallway, just meters away from him but still so far away. Your mother had said you were out, but the way her eyes constantly flitted elsewhere, the way she gave him the time and space to just talk and express his feelings, and the fact that sheâd shared that story about both of you meeting as children as if she meant to say it to you, too, all told him that you were right there.Â
Maybe you hadnât expected him to come. Maybe you didnât know what to say this time. Or maybe you thought that seeing you would leave him tongue-tied again, unable to express everything he means, and you wouldnât be wrong. He just focused on what he felt and not the right things to say or how youâd react at that moment, and he supposes that allowed him to be vulnerable, too.Â
âAnd youâre not there with her because?â Mr. Ri wonders.Â
âBecause she needs time,â Jungkook states. âAnd itâs the least I could give her. And Iâll wait until sheâs ready. Weâve spent all these months avoiding each other, thinking that letting each other go is the way to move forward but I⊠I know thatâs not what I want. She is. And Iâll show her I mean it.â
âWell, you went to her. And thatâs not all youâre doing.â
âIâm not good with words, you know that,â Jungkook shakes his head.
âI do. She knows that, too. So when she sees everything that youâve done⊠sheâll know you mean it.â
It's the assurance that Jungkook needs, and heâll hold onto that, too, until the time you find him again. Right now, heâll focus on the Arts Center - he owes it to you to make sure that all the work you put into it is worth it. He knows youâll want that, too.Â
The long drive to Daegu had him think about how much of yourself youâve given to the project that means the world to him. You may have done so because it was your job, but he canât help but think that in the midst of it, you saw what he was yearning for, what he was trying to attain for himself, and that it mattered to you that he did.Â
Jungkook and Mr. Ri go to a restaurant for dinner on the way back to Seoul, and the serious expression on the older manâs face has returned. This is his default state, but his soft, longing look is something that Jungkook wonât forget soon.
âHow was it like seeing her after all these years?â Jungkook wonders. âDoes⊠does it still hurt, knowing what could have been and the life she lives now?â
It takes a while but Mr. Ri finally replies. âIn an alternate universe, Hye-soo and I are living with our family on some farm. We talked about that a few times, about wanting to grow old in a place thatâs peaceful,â he recalls, all those long drives and hectic days becoming worth it whenever he shared them with her. âBut this is the universe and lifetime Iâm living now. The decisions I made brought me here, but they also set her free. Youâve met her, youâve seen her home. Sheâs happy where she is and even if itâs not next to me, thatâs the life I always wish sheâd have.â
Jungkook hums, unable to fully comprehend the heartbreak of letting someone go like that, and then seeing them live a life that he couldâve shared with them. Thinking about meeting you at a park or something years from now, perhaps with a husband or children, and then wondering what wouldâve happened if he didnât let you go plagues him. Thatâs not the life he wants. Itâs not a decision he wants to make, and he could only hope that neither do you.Â
He looks across at the man in front of him with all that love for the woman he canât have, and Jungkook wonders where all of that goes, recalling a conversation from not long ago, when Mr. Ri first revealed about a woman heâs held onto for years.Â
âDoes it all go to ___, then? All that love?âÂ
âIt does,â Mr. Ri hums. âIt also goes to your family, Jungkook. It goes to you. Those have kept me going all these years and they always will, so seeing you and ___ care for each other means a lot to me, too.â
Itâs a comforting thought, knowing that at the end of everything, Mr. Ri still finds happiness in others, that he hasnât allowed himself to fall into a kind of despair that paralyzes him. Jungkook recalls growing up and seeing the older man always by his fatherâs side, joining him on his trips and then coming back with some treats that he gives to Jungkook and his brother. When he was in Singapore, Mr. Ri visited often, showing up whenever he had a project launch. Jungkook also knows that he stayed in Canada for a few months, helping Jeong-sik recover after an accident left him with broken limbs.Â
And there was that incident that Jungkook carries with him, how he was powerless and alone under the rain but it was Mr. Ri who searched for him, who didnât give up, who dealt with that guilt for years. And Jungkook doesnât know if heâs ever thanked the man for all heâs done.Â
They engage in light talk for the rest of dinner. Jungkook offers to drive the rest of the way home, insisting that itâs a way for him to preoccupy himself instead of thinking about you. They spend it recalling his growing up years, how he slowly isolated himself, and then how he gradually opened up again. The older man expresses how proud he is, that regardless of what happens after all this, Jungkook pursued his happiness, and thatâs what matters.
âThank you, for uh, for everything,â Jungkook says as he exits the car, hoping that his simple words would convey all his emotions.Â
Thereâs a softness on Mr. Riâs face this time, one that Jungkook has seen only twice in his lifetime, both of which were today. It speaks of care and warmth; he knows now that it also speaks of love.
You lay on your motherâs lap, needing the comfort you always felt whenever she held you close and ran her fingers through your hair. Itâs something she always did when you were a child, and she knows that despite having grown up, you need it now just as much as you did before. She doesnât say much, letting the silence of your bedroom envelope the both of you this Thursday evening.Â
Itâs been a roller coaster of emotions this past week, and today pretty much took you on a deep plunge that has you holding onto your chest and wanting the stability of being on the ground. After you left that letter on Jungkookâs desk last Thursday, you stayed in your apartment and waited for days.Â
In hindsight, maybe it was silly that you stayed put when you couldâve called or gone back to his office in an attempt to talk to him. But you werenât sure what he was feeling, if he was harboring resentment for how you chose to leave, or if he was too busy with the Arts Center opening to even think about you. He kept himself busy during your last weeks after all, and he missed your farewell dinner, too.Â
That letter was your way of expressing yourself without the fear of outright rejection. And giving him that decision to find you was your way of telling him that it was his call, that if he still wanted you, youâd be waiting for him. And thatâs what you did, day in and day out - you waited for that knock on the door or for the ring of your phone.Â
It drove you crazy, thinking that you could be with him already, but the possibility of him also deciding that thatâs no longer what he wanted plagued your mind; itâs what kept you from making that call or paying him a visit. There was that part of you that couldnât help but think that he mightâve wanted things to just remain as they are. It made you realize that despite taking that step of being brave, there was still fear within you that held you back.
The hope dwindled by the weekend despite the comforting conversation you had with your neighbor, and on Tuesday afternoon, the sadness took over. You packed your bags and decided that if you were to get over this, being with your family is where you need to be. You knew your mother would convince you to wait for Jungkook a little longer. Sheâd be the reasonable one and say that maybe heâd missed the letter. And she may be right, but if you were to pursue him again, you knew you needed to be around people you loved to give you back that strength and confidence.
It turns out, your mother was right. Jungkook did miss the letter. It took him days to see it, and he didnât waste his time and went to find you right away. Perhaps that certainty that youâve been needing is what turns out to be the one that overwhelms you in the end. You walked out of your room to find him in your living room, and you froze. You stayed rooted in that hallway, listening to him talk about what he felt for you, and all you could do was hug your knees as you sat on the floor, taking his words in, hoping theyâd heal your heart as quickly as his silence broke it.
âDo you think he knew I was there?â You look up to your mother in question.Â
âI think he did,â she hums. âI doubt he wouldâve said as much as he did to me, someone heâs just met, unless he knew you could hear him. He had this look on his eyes - it was sad and sincere, full of regret but also of hope. And it just felt like was baring himself right there, hoping youâd know exactly what he felt.â
You think about it. Knowing Jungkook, he wouldnât have let himself be that vulnerable to someone that easily, even if it was in front of your mother. Heâs not always able to express himself to you, and maybe thatâs why. Maybe like you, he loses his words and caves in in front of the person he wants. Itâs happened so many times to you, and itâs one reason you chose a letter to express your feelings; saying it to him directly with all the uncertainties just terrified you.Â
But heâd been bold, heâd been honest. And you got to hear his every word, and you believed all of it.
âWhy didnât you want to see him?â she asks, given that youâd shaken your head when she looked at you after heâd asked if you were around. âWhat were you so afraid of?â
âI donât know,â you sigh. âIt felt so long being without him, and I was holding onto this hope after leaving that letter and then the wait just⊠it discouraged me. Somehow seeing him there paralyzed me a little,â you explain. âSuddenly I wasnât ready. I had all these feelings that were hanging in the air and to hear that he returned all those was just⊠I⊠I was overwhelmed because he was finally within reach.â
âBoth of you are in this constant push and pull thatâs keeping you from each other,â she points out. âAt some point, youâll have to just get over the fear and meet him where he is and heâll have to do the same. No one wins in fear, darling. Werenât you the one who told me I owed it to myself to give Min-woo a chance? Youâre the one who said it was better to be scared with him next to me than to be scared alone.â
âEasy to say that when Iâm on the outside, it seems,â you chuckle. âI get what you were feeling then, mom, and I understand now how hard it mustâve been.â
âThatâs true, so youâre gonna have to trust me that what you said was true - it was better that I was scared with him next to me than if I was alone,â she repeats. âBut I made that choice and it was the best one, because I canât be any happier than I am now because I let him love me, and I allowed myself to love him. You and Jungkook could do that. You just have to trust that itâs all worth it.â
You nod. At the end of the day, you know it makes a difference that itâs your mother reminding you all of this. Itâs her pain that you carried, itâs why you were always scared of opening up and sharing your whole self to another person. And itâs also why it matters that itâs her happiness that she reminds you of that pushes you to get over your fear, or at least, to choose to be with Jungkook in spite of it.Â
She tucks you in bed and tells you to get some sleep now. Itâll be a busy day tomorrow, she says, as you have to make that long trip back to Seoul in time for the Arts Center opening.Â
âAs your mother, Iâm kicking you out of my house,â she teases. âYou are to head out there and tell that man how you really feel, okay? I wonât allow you back here until heâs with you.â
âThatâs unfair,â you pout.
âIt is, but so is keeping yourself away from him,â she shakes her head. âYou take after me so much. Stop being stubborn.â
You laugh this time, knowing that while itâs that stubbornness that pushed Jungkook to open up to you, itâs that same trait thatâs keeping you away from him.
âI will. And Iâll head out tomorrow,â you promise. âIâm so tired of being sad.â
âGood. No one gets tired from being happy, so thatâs what you should try to be.â
Jungkook stares at himself in the mirror, tightening his necktie and then spending half a minute to determine if itâs aligned or not.Â
Itâs something heâs started doing. Itâs been weeks since you left and stopped doing it for him, and even if Lucas has pointed out a few times that it was crooked, the younger man never really attempted to fix it. Jungkook didnât really have a choice but to learn how to do it himself. For an architect with trained eyes, heâs ironically terrible at assessing something as simple as this. He never knows if heâs done it right, and heâll always be amazed at how you do it.Â
He finally decides heâs done it correctly, and he takes his coat to complete his look for the biggest day of his professional life. He opts for the classic suit this time, needing that refinement and elegance that a Kim Taehyung tailored outfit gives. Despite his best friendâs suggestions of trying something a little different, Jungkook insisted that simple is what he wants - the attention shouldnât be on him, adamant that a textured charcoal ensemble would do its job. The pattern differentiates it from an ordinary suit so he at least doesnât blend in too much and itâs a good compromise. You agreed with him on this months ago, and hearing you assure him that it looks good on him is something heâs missing.
He shakes his head at the thought. Here he is again, his mind going to you. Perhaps itâs his bodyâs way of dealing with the nerves; somehow thinking of you calms him down even if youâre not around. Youâve always had that effect on him, and with the unveiling of most important project of his life as the companyâs Vice President, that composure and confidence is what he needs.Â
It doesnât stop him from wishing that youâd taken to heart what he said yesterday, not just about what he feels but about finding him. You know most of the details of todayâs opening, and if you wanted to, youâd come to show your support even if he kept you in the dark during your last weeks. And if you really wanted to, youâd come to tell him that you want to be with him, and that youâre not going to walk away this time.Â
Itâs difficult to have today, of all days, be somewhat of a determinant of how things are going to go for both of you. Heâll definitely wait for as long as he needs to until youâre ready to face him again, but if itâs not today, heâs afraid thereâs more thatâs holding you back, and that not getting to you early on mustâve really hurt you.Â
But heâll keep on, as so much has happened for this day to be as successful as he hopes it to be. Hoseok constantly reminds him of the entire teamâs hard work and that itâs what will pull him through. But beyond the expectations from his parents and the Board and past the importance for the artists involved, this was Jungkookâs dream as a professional, and he made it happen. Heâll hold out hope until the last moment that heâll see you there, though, but if he doesnât, heâll just have to deal with your absence like heâs been doing these past weeks.
Jungkook exits his bedroom and gets approving looks from his best friends whoâll be his support system for today. Heâd gone to the Arts Center early in the morning despite last nightâs long trip back to Seoul, wanting to make sure that everything was okay. It took some reprimanding from his father to finally go home to fix up, the older man claiming that Jungkook will need to collect himself before all the activities in the afternoon.Â
Thereâs an interview with the Culture Minister, a press conference right after, and an afternoon tea spread in the nearby hotel for all the artists whose work will be exhibited for the opening - all before the ceremony scheduled for 5PM. Itâs a big day and an even bigger evening, and heâll have to preserve his energy and learn to manage, and itâs the first big event without you. He knows itâll be hard, so do his friends, which is why they're here to show their support and lend their energy when needed.
âYou look like the star of the show,â Seokjin praises. âItâs a really good suit.â
âThe stars of the show are the artists, actually,â Jungkook corrects. âAnd the public. It isnât me.â
âToo bad. Itâs a simple suit but youâre styled to still get attention so own it,â Taehyung states. âYou look really good, Kook. So chin up, okay? Itâs all gonna be fine.â
Jungkook tries to smile, hoping that faking it would eventually make it look real.
âWe know itâs tough and you wish you could share it with ___, but just think that sheâd want you to enjoy this either way,â Seokjin comforts. âYou also owe it to her to give it your best today.â
He knows his friends are right. So many things had to come together for today to happen. Everyone involved did their parts. He heard that thereâs so much buzz on social media about the Arts Center and the registration that opened to the public exceeded expectations, and thatâs only the beginning. Thinking of all the possibilities excites him, and heâll hold onto that to get him through the day. Or the week and even beyond that, if needed.Â
Jungkook nods and thanks his friends, saying that it means a lot that theyâre there for him. It catches them by surprise because heâs not one to easily express gratitude or any level of sentimentality. They suppose itâs what having you around had done for him, and maybe losing you also reminded him of the importance of being vulnerable.Â
They head to the hotel thatâs one block away from the Arts Center. Jungkook goes through the interview with ease, and with the support of his father, Hoseok, Ji-woo, and Lucas, he manages the press conference, too. He takes some time to collect himself after all that engagement, then he proceeds to the event hall to meet with the artists, curators, and craftspeople and show his appreciation.Â
He feels a sense of accomplishment already just knowing that theyâre as excited as he is. The inaugural exhibitions feature their work, and the products created to commemorate them are all beautiful. Itâs truly come together, he thinks, and he allows himself to feel pride for the first time, knowing that more than the structure, itâs the connections and the art that theyâre all celebrating, and itâs what he always hoped to achieve with this project.
Itâs not long after when he finds himself in the Arts Center, first doing the customary ribbon cutting with his father and the Culture Minister before entering the lobby where heâll give the formal welcome and signal the official opening of the center.Â
It feels different with so many people present, all awaiting to see how the structure was renovated and what new features theyâll look forward to. Thereâs a buzz of excitement that Jungkook internalizes, as he sits on a chair by the stage. He watches on as his father and cousins go around to meet the guests, opting to save his energy for his speech. Itâs the feel of his motherâs touch that makes him realize heâs shaking, and he turns to her and is met with her warm smile. Itâs been a while since he allowed that to comfort him, and at this moment, itâs what he needs.Â
âIt already looks gorgeous, son,â she assures him. âAnd youâre going to do amazing up there. People listen when you talk, and they believe in what you say. Iâve seen it. So just trust in yourself, okay? At the end of the day, the structure speaks for itself, and thatâs what the people will remember.â
âThank you, mother,â Jungkook smiles back. âAnd thank you for staying here with me. And uh, for all the other project launches that you attended.â
âOf course, Jungkook. Iâll always be there to support you,â she says. âAnything that makes you happy makes me happy. Anything that you work on will be something Iâm proud of. Never forget that.â
He nods, feeling a little lighter the more he accepts the love and support of those around him. He never really knew what that felt like, and he knows thatâs all on him. Heâll try to change that now, and he supposes that expressing and receiving gratitude is one thing that he took from you. He just hopes he gets to have an opportunity to thank you again - he wouldnât have done any of this without you.
Chin-sun approaches him to say that theyâll begin shortly, and Jungkook looks at the growing crowd one last time, that sliver of hope that heâll see you keeping him going. There are so many moving parts to this entire project, but he knows heâs not alone. After tonight, he can breathe easy and look back at the year thatâs passed and know that he put his all into this, and that it turned out to be exactly how he imagined it to be.Â
Itâs not long after when the program begins. CEO Jeon gives his opening remarks, followed by the Culture Minister, before Jungkook takes the stage. Itâs a much longer speech he gives this time, as he wants to make sure that he gets to thoughtfully express his hope and purpose for the Arts Center. He talks briefly about its conception and then delves into the ideas of connection and intimacy, how he wants art to be experienced by people as both spectators and creators, and that he wants this to be a hub for people to create meaning, all while celebrating Korean culture in an environment that reflects the merging of tradition and modernism.Â
He keeps his eye contact with the audience, and he sees their warm reception to his words. A video plays to introduce the artists and craftspeople who are featured, and then he ends with thanking everyone who was involved in the process - from the laborers, suppliers, and contractors, to the Board, the investors, and the executive team. He gives a special message to his project team and management support team, asking them to join him on stage because they deserve all the praise for how the Center turned out.Â
Thereâs a resounding applause, and once thatâs settled, he finally asks for all the doors to be opened.Â
âThere are so many things to explore here,â he says. âPlease savor every space you enter and take your time. The meaning of art is something only you could define but the beauty is in the experience, and the experience is even more fulfilling when it is shared. Thank you very much and have a good evening.â
He watches the crowd disperse and he releases a breath. The night is far from over and the toughest part for him is just about to start, and thatâs going around to see how everything is being received. His mother greets him after, congratulating him again. Hoseok and Ji-woo tell him how proud they are, and his father gives him that assuring nod, with words expressing pride and encouragement accompanying it.Â
Jungkook quickly meets the team and gives instructions on how to divide and conquer before he heads to one of the performance halls. He sees Yoongi hanging around and thereâs a warm smile on his friendâs face, a rarity because itâs not usually directed at him.
âYouâre getting the hang of these speeches,â Yoongi hums. â___ would be proud.â
âOnly if sheâd heard it,â Jungkook sighs. âI looked around but I didnât see her. Do you⊠do you know if sheâs here?â
Yoongi shakes his head. âI havenât heard from her. Iâm sorry.â
Jungkook nods, knowing heâll slowly have to accept that maybe youâre not ready yet, or that asking you to find him here at a time when there are so many people might have been too much. Thereâs hope that youâll give him a call or maybe meet him at another time. He understands what you mustâve felt while you waited for him, and he hates himself for making you go through that. Itâs excruciating being on the receiving end of it, and itâs only been a few hours.Â
âLet me know if you see her,â Jungkook instructs. âIâll just beâŠâ
âAround,â Yoongi chuckles. âI will. But your job continues, so go out there and find out what people are saying. Iâll be on the lookout for her.â
Jungkook thanks him and continues visiting the different halls, engaging with the artists and Board members and some other visitors along the way. He searches for your face in every space he enters, exiting them in disappointment when he doesnât find you there. His heart slowly breaks, and he hangs on for a little longer until he starts to feel too much, with the tiredness from being on the go the entire day getting to him.Â
Itâs a hard call but he decides to leave. Hoseok assures him that itâs okay; heâs talked to every important person already and thatâs enough. People will explore for as long as the Center is open, and heâs got the project and support teams to hold the fort for him. Thereâs not much else he needs to do anyway; their subsidiary company tasked to manage the operations has already taken over, and Jungkookâs main tasks have been fulfilled. It eases him, knowing that heâs not abandoning anyone by deciding to step out.Â
As the hours go by with no sight of you, the heavier he feels. He needs time alone, not just because his batteryâs gone out but also to just wallow in the sadness. Itâs pitiful but it seems better than constantly hoping heâd see you here while being surrounded by so many people.
He goes to one final area before heading out. Itâs the most special one, the one he dedicates to you, the one he hopes youâd one day see and know that he thought of you everyday, even during the days when it didnât seem like it. He wonders if youâll like it, if it would remind you of what you grew up with, and if it would be a place for you to feel safe and free and happy in, all the things heâd wished youâd feel with him.
One last look and thereâs still no sign of you. He calls Mr. Ri and asks to be dropped off at the office. It seems like a better place to be in when heâs sad and upset.Â
The building is empty on a Friday night. Everyoneâs either at the Arts Center or gone home and heâs ironically the one craving for the loneliness of this place. Heâs committed himself to his job for a decade and doesnât know much of who he is outside of it. He learned a bit of that in the midst of the biggest change heâs experienced and the most challenging year heâs had, and it was through you.Â
He learned that heâs actually quite caring, that thereâs a protective side to him, that he steps up and shows up when heâs needed, and that he finds joy and peace in the outdoors. Heâs passionate and a perfectionist but he wants to be a bit spontaneous, too. He makes mistakes and can apologize for them. Heâs capable of kindness and in some instances, enjoys the company of other people with whom he can observe and laugh with. Being alone often made him feel lonely, and he realized that heâs someone who craves companionship, who wants intimacy, and that heâs someone willing to be vulnerable and share himself with the right person. And while he tends to be impatient most times, with you, heâs willing to wait. And for you, heâll try to be better.
He enters his office and lets the silence envelope him. The city looks alive from his window but thereâs dullness from within. Heâll get over it, he thinks, but until then, that sadness will remain for as long as youâre not in his life, for as long as youâre not next to him.
You look at yourself in the mirror, the elegance of your rose-colored midi dress a contrast to the stress painted all over your face. You give yourself only a few seconds to admire how you look - thereâs a bit of that sexiness from the v-neckline and front slit, and the flutter sleeves and other vintage details lend to a classic look. Your hair isnât as fixed as you want and your makeup is too pale for your liking, but with time no longer on your side, those are the least of your problems.Â
You couldnât sleep last night despite your mother insisting that you get some rest. The image of Jungkook leaving your house plagued your mind. You shouldâve ran after him and told him that you were sorry, that it doesnât matter anymore if you waited, for as long as he found you. You shouldâve stopped him to say that you wanted to be with him, that you were done with running away from what you really wanted, and that youâre willing to always be brave for as long as he held your hand and eased your worries. You shouldâve gone back to Seoul with him, but youâd been too overwhelmed to move, to speak, to chase after what youâve been yearning for.Â
Deciding to come to the Arts Center opening wasnât always certain. You knew you were going to visit one day. You worked hard on it, too, and you wanted to show your support even if Jungkook would never know. But when he asked you to find him there, you knew you had to go right away. You imagined him making that speech that you helped him draft months ago, donned in the gray outfit that Taehyung was proud to make for him. You envisioned the smile heâd have on as he looked around to see all his plans come to life and the visitors taking it all in.Â
You just didnât expect to sleep through your alarm and then miss the train by a minute. The travel wasnât bad. The chocopies that Jungkook got you kept you satisfied the entire trip, but it was halfway back to Seoul when you realized that you didnât have anything nice enough to wear. The ones you have are either too formal, too casual, or meant for a night out.Â
Taehyung had designed a dress for you but you said it was no longer necessary after you resigned; it was fortunate that he hadnât started making it yet, and so the guilt wasnât too much. You didnât want to go to the opening in just anything. While it mattered to get there, you didnât want to get any attention, and so dressing appropriately was your plan. Everything else in your closet would make you look underdressed, and you made the quick decision to pass by a store and grab the first nice dress you could find and then head home.Â
The clock was ticking, and it didnât help that you got stuck in traffic on the way to your apartment, and that a vehicular accident at the intersection outside your village forced the cab driver to take a longer route to the Arts Center. Before you knew it, the sun had set, and the program was over, and Jungkook would probably now be in the midst of engaging with so many important people and you donât want any of the attention that your arrival might bring.Â
You finally make it though, and while minutes ago you were stressed and just desperate to make it to the Arts Center, now that youâre here, youâre quite nervous. Youâll face him again after so long, and the fact that happiness would be within reach brings about an unfamiliar feeling. But you also canât wait to experience it. Itâs a kind of joy and contentment youâve only dreamt about, and youâll finally know what itâs like.
Exiting the cab, you look around in awe. From this view, you could imagine the sunset framing the main building so beautifully. You enter the lobby and itâs even more spacious than you remember. Perhaps itâs the absence of all the laborers and materials on the floor. Now, itâs just this open space with art pieces placed around. The floor-to-ceiling windows would bring so much light in. It was one of the big changes to the old structure, and with the moonlight shining through, it feels as if thereâs a natural spotlight on the art pieces.Â
Youâre enamored by the grandness of it all. Even more by the many people around, perhaps taking their time in exploring all that the Center has to offer. Itâs such a massive space that itâs impossible to absorb everything after one go around, and you already canât wait to take it all in the next time you visit.
Itâs tempting to get lost in it but right now, your priority is finding Jungkook, but as youâre about to head to the second floor, Do-hyunâs whisper-yelling of your name catches your attention. She gives you a tight hug and thereâs suddenly an air of sentimentality as the old team is together once again. It was just a year ago when you all took on the biggest project together and after all the highs and lows, itâs finally here. And while you missed out on the final weeks of preparations, they assure you that youâre just as much a part of those as they are.Â
âYou had to deal with the last minute changes, though,â you insist. âThat mustâve been hard.â
âOnly at the beginning,â Chin-sun says. âWe were barely involved. We just helped with procurement but Mr. Jeon was the one who worked tirelessly on it. He had just two other people help him construct it and I guess thatâs why he spent so much time there. But it turned out beautifully, and you wouldnât have known it was only an addition.â
âWha-what is it?â You ask, the curiousity taking a front seat for now.Â
âItâsââ
âItâs something you need to see for yourself,â a familiar voice says.Â
You all turn around and bow at the sight of CEO Jeon. He looks at you and smiles, gesturing towards one of the doors. You excuse yourself from the team and follow the older man, walking next to him in silence.Â
âI was worried you werenât going to come tonight,â he says. âI think that so was Jungkook.â
âI⊠I tried to come earlier but there was all this traffic and⊠I, uh, how did he do?â You ask.Â
âGreat, as always,â CEO Jeon answers. âHe had everything under control and managed all the socializing impressively. Heâs come a long way, hasnât he?â
âHe has,â you smile, recalling the anxiousness that he used to feel at just remembering names and keeping up with peopleâs energy.Â
âHeâs come a long way in other aspects, too. Smiling, believing in himself, being kinder to himself⊠itâs great to witness,â the older man continues. âAnd standing by and caring for someone the way he did with you, that was⊠that was new, too.â
âI didnât intend on feeling this way for him, sir,â you say, recalling that the last time you spoke, you werenât ready to talk about it. âAnd I tried to suppress it, and that pushed him away but I guess, sometimes we lose people for a reason; we find them again for a reason, too.â Itâs a statement that CEO Jeon had told you the last time you talked, and itâs one that stuck with you. âIâm here to find him again.â
âGood. I was hoping you would, so at least Iâd know that all this wasnât in vain,â he chuckles. âAnd I really do hope you see his heart with this, ___. He takes after me, and I didnât realize just how much until he came up with this plan.â
You lose him for a bit, suddenly unsure of what he means. CEO Jeon notices, so he gestures towards his right and you follow his lead, and thatâs when you see it. Your eyes widen in shock, and you canât help but gasp at the space before you.
âHeâs not always good with words but he tries. And this is how he does it.â
You noted entering the grand library as he spoke. The walls and design were familiar, as youâd gone in here during your last few visits. But this area that you walk into is new. Itâs not a large space but it feels like it now. It used to be a section of historical books and archived materials that were put on display, almost like a museum of literary artifacts that a historian had sold off. But itâs nothing like that now.
The glass enclosures have been replaced by shelves and bookcases, all easily accessible and reachable by anyone. The framed walls are no more - instead, there are reading nooks and character murals painted artistically, bringing them to life outside of the books they only lived in. The lights are not blinding; theyâre warm and inviting, illuminating a space that makes you want to just sit or even lie in, especially with the large stuffed animals spread across. The chairs arenât the same, too; there are couches all around, all soft and comfortable, decorated with knitted dolls and colorful pillows.Â
You walk further, mouth agape as you take in every inch of the space that brings back so many memories from your childhood. This place is new but familiar. It looks nothing but everything like that neighborhood-run library that your mom used to take you to. Towards the back is a little activity area, with a large, leveled table and a row of shelves filled with coloring books and paper dolls.Â
You feel chills as you realize what this place is supposed to be, and who this was meant for.Â
You remember the first time you told Jungkook about this. It was after that incident at the restaurant. He took you to a park and told you how the playground was his favorite place, how it made him feel free and safe, how it allowed him to just be himself and imagine doing and being everything he wanted. You shared a piece of your childhood, too, and described that library you frequented, how you felt sad that you didnât get to say goodbye to it, and that you hadnât seen a place like that again.
But now you have. That last minute change that he made⊠It was this.Â
You turn towards CEO Jeon and try to find the words to say but nothing comes out. Youâre overwhelmed by what you see, by the memories they elicit, and by all the emotions overtaking you all at once.Â
âJungkook called me one evening and said that he was going to re-do the archive section in the library,â the older man says. âHe wasnât asking for my approval because it was his project, heâd said, but he just wanted to let me know. He made all the decisions and most of the design. He painted the walls and some of the furniture, too. He spent every afternoon here and stayed until the evening. He barely rested. He just⊠he just wanted this done. It was so important to him.â
âI⊠I told him about a place like this, that I used to go to,â you manage to find your voice now. âHe never saw it but it⊠it looks like this.â
âMaybe you described it really well,â CEO Jeon smiles. âItâs how heâs always been. Just a few words and then it comes alive in his mind.â
âThatâs why this Center is as beautiful as it is,â you hum. âHeâs good at that, bringing to life everything that he envisions.â
âItâs his way of saying the things he canât say, too. Itâs something he got from me, I think. Iâm not good with words either,â he admits. âSo when Byung-hun told me that your mother used to spend her lunch breaks taking you to a library when you were younger, I knew this was Jungkook expressing everything he feels for you.â
âItâs a bit grand, donât you think?â You say shyly. âBuilding something for someone is⊠so personal, soââ
âSincere,â he finishes for you. âAnd intimate, Iâd say. But my son, he feels a lot. Which is why I think he tries not to, and why he distances himself from others. He felt like heâd lost you, ___, even before he had you and that⊠messed with him. He needed to do this for you, but I think he also needed to do it for himself. If at the end of the day, youâll no longer be a part of his life, this would remind him that you were.â
You blink away the tears that you quickly wipe off as you look away. If at the end of the day, heâs no longer a part of your life, this would also remind you that he was. But you donât want that, because you want him in your life, you want every part of him that heâs willing to show, and you want to hold every bit of that in your arms, care for it, and never let it go.
The time you spent with so little of him in your life made you feel his absence, and that allowed you to recognize the pockets of joy you had with him. It gave you something to look forward to, to connect with, and to treasure. The first step was resigning, and that itself felt like freedom. You get to pursue that connection and deep desire by choosing him this time. Knowing yourself means knowing how your heart heals and loves, and you want him to be at the receiving end of that.Â
âI⊠I need to see him,â you say, not wanting him to spend another minute without knowing how you feel.Â
âYou should,â CEO Jeon nods and motions towards the door. âIâm sure heâs wondering where you are.â
Thereâs a soft smile on his face and you mirror it, as if to tell each other that all has been forgiven, that everything has been accepted, that thereâs no more blame or burden to carry anymore.Â
You rush out, wondering where to start looking for Jungkook. Turning to the left, you see Yoongi, who quickly rushes to you.
âWhat do you think?â He asks, gesturing towards the library where youâd just come from. âIs it close to the one you used to go to?â
âYes,â you respond. âDid you help him with it?â
âKinda had no choice,â he chuckles. âWe were working on it while everything else was being completed. He didnât want anyone else to know, especially you. I didnât even know why he wanted to build a children's library all of a sudden when it wasnât in the plans until that night you told me about your childhood. It clicked then.â
âHe was already dealing with so much but he still had time for this?â You say, still in shock that Jungkook pushed through with this despite everything.
âHe had a lot to say to you but he didnât know how to. And I guess working on this was a way for him to deal with losing you,â Yoongi answers. âYou mean a lot to him, ___. He was a mess without you.â
You think back at the times you felt that he was quickly replacing you, that he was distancing himself, that he was probably upset because youâd messed up his plans, and that he just wanted to move on from you. All this time, he was working on something that he could leave you with, all because he knew how much it meant for you to have a place like this.
âNow I just have to find him,â you say. âHave you seen him?â
âNot in the past half hour. Heâs just been going around but I did tell him Iâd let him know if you came. You should call him.â
âI wouldnât be able to say anything if I did,â you sigh, knowing that itâs probably the same reason why he didnât call you after not finding you in your apartment yesterday.Â
Thereâs too much to say that canât be said over the phone. Youâll probably be tongue tied once he picks up.Â
You decide to call Mr. Ri, the possibility of Jungkook having left swimming in your mind after thinking of how long he wouldâve been socializing. Itâs been hours since the opening; itâs possible that heâs gotten tired from it all.
â___? Everything okay?â
âDo you know where he is?â You ask, desperate now. âIs he still inââ
âI just dropped him off at the office,â the older man answers. âI donât know why he wanted to be there but Iâm on the way back to the Arts Center. Do you want me to pick you up somewhere?â
âIâm here right now and I just saw what he made. I need to see him.â
âYou can wait for me andââ
âItâs okay. Iâll find my way there. Thank you.â
You drop the call and start heading towards the exit, with Yoongi on your tails, offering to drive you.
âYouâve done so much already. And youâre needed here,â you say. âItâs okay.â
âTrue, I have. It sucked witnessing you two constantly going in circles when you both clearly canât get enough of each other,â he chuckles. âSo go, find him. You can both stop being such idiots now.â
âRude,â you laugh. âBut thank you, Yoongi.â
He smiles, and itâs a sight thatâs gotten you through some of the toughest days. He tells you again to leave now, and you rush out as you book a cab, slowly getting impatient as you want nothing more than to be with Jungkook already.Â
You get inside the car and watch the city pass you by. So many nights youâd done this, wondering about your life and where it was headed, hoping that one day youâd find the strength within you to go for what youâve always wanted, whatever it was. A smile paints your face as you do it again now. One day is today, and with another act of bravery, youâre heading towards that other piece of happiness, and youâre finally claiming it for yourself.Â
The office isnât far, and with the traffic having eased despite the hour, you make it to the building in no time.Â
Youâre suddenly nervous once you enter the lobby. Youâre used to late nights but itâs different this time. The security personnel assigned tonight still remembers you, and he doesnât ask questions when you say you want to head to the VPâs floor.Â
Itâs a little nostalgic walking down the hallway, even if you were here just last week. Itâs knowing that youâll be seeing Jungkook at the end of it that makes you emotional, your heart beating fast as the seconds tick by. You quietly make it to his room, and with the door opened, you wonder if he expected you to be here.
You stand at the entrance and see him standing by the window, looking out into the city below. His sleeves are rolled up, and he has one hand in his pocket and the other holding a glass of whiskey. You spot the bottle on the edge of the table and not far from it, the mess of folders and blueprints piled on the desk.Â
âWhy are you out here celebrating on your own?â You say, your voice soft despite the yearning youâre feeling.Â
He hears you though, as the swirling of his drink stops and he slowly turns around to look at you. He looks tired, but you donât miss the way his eyes light up. You wish he notices the way yours do, too.
âThe Arts Center is beautiful, Jungkook. You should be enjoying it with everyone else.â
âIt didnât feel right without you,â he answers, walking towards his table where he places the glass next to the bottle. âIt felt incomplete without you around. You⊠you were a big part of that.â
âWhy did you leave, then? Thatâs where you said Iâd find you.â
âIs that what your mother said?âÂ
âItâs what I heard,â you say. He doesnât look surprised, and maybe a part of you knew that he knew you were there, but still, he asks.
âWhy didnât you see me? Why didnât you want to talk to me?â
You start to walk closer and see the sadness in his eyes. It brings you back to this room weeks ago, how those same eyes looked at you in dejection, in guilt. You hate hurting him, and you donât ever want to do that again.Â
âI realized that I easily accept it when Iâm told that Iâm being selfish and that I donât deserve happiness. But when it comes to someoneâs genuine feelings, I cower,â you respond. âYour sincerity scared me and maybe thatâs why I doubted it the first time and Iâm sorry that I did.âÂ
Your voice starts to shake now as the emotions intensify with every word you say, and with every inch of distance you eliminate.Â
âIâm sorry that I pushed you away, that I left, that I kept my past from you. Iâm sorry that I was so scared about everything, especially about the way I felt, only because it was all so new. It was all so much; wanting you became too much, I didnât know how to stop. But IâŠâ you blink away the tears, not realizing theyâve been waiting to fall. âI realized I was more scared to lose you. I was foolish to think that I could just move on and forget about what I feel for you. I thought itâs what you wanted to do, too, andââ
He shakes his head, and itâs the most reaction youâve gotten since you started speaking.
âAll Iâve done since that night you left me here was think about you,â he says, now able to say what heâs been meaning to. âI didnât know how to stop that either. Wanting you was no longer enough and I wanted to be with you but I didnât think I could, not when I thought you didnât want me. You left and I⊠I didnât know what to do.â
âI knew itâs what I needed,â you admit. âI⊠I reached a point where if you asked me to stay, I probably would and I didnât want to. I wanted to know myself outside of all this and I didnât want you to be the reason why Iâd stop myself from doing that, from searching for whatever would make me happy but I realized that itâs you.â
You take another step, your body aching for him as your heart beats faster. âI felt free but it didnât feel like I thought it would be. I didnât want to be here but I wanted to be with you. And Iâm sorry it took so long.â
âI didnât find you right away,â he whispers, as if he still carries that guilt with him. âI was so caught up with everything else, with dealing with the fact that I lost you.â
âThe library,â you say. âYou were caught up creating something for me.â
âI⊠uh, I didnât know how to say everything that I wanted to say,â he sighs. âAnd Iâll probably always struggle with that but⊠I just thought that as you go about your new life, I could build you a place where youâll always feel safe and free, and that if I canât be that person to comfort you, youâll have a place that can do that. Selfishly, I didnât want you to forget me. But I also just wanted you to know that I was always going to think about you.â
âDoesnât it feel a bit grand?â You ask now, inching closer once again as he takes another step forward. âBuilding a library for someone is a pretty big deal.â
âYou wouldâve been my biggest what if. I probably deserve something grand to remind me of how stupid I was that I let you go.â
âYouâre not gonna do that again, are you?â You teasingly smile. âBecause I wonât.â
âNo,â he says a little seriously. âI put you through so much, ___. I just⊠I just want to be someone who would care for you and would make you happy.â
His words are simple but they carry so much. You suppose at one point, thatâs all whatâs started to matter. All he wants is to be part of that happiness youâve been searching for. Maybe itâs whatâs been missing in his life, too, and all you want now is to be a part of it.
Another tear falls down your cheek, and you appease the worried look on his face by saying that itâs a happy tear.
He softly smiles, wiping it off with his thumb before cupping your face in his hand. Heâs gentle as he caresses you, and you learn everyday just how capable he is of giving warmth, that thereâs such tenderness within him that heâs unable to fully show.Â
âIâve always wanted to do this,â he admits. âSo many times that Iâve seen you cry and Iâve just been⊠so powerless to do anything.â
âNow you arenât,â you breathe out as you eye his lips, knowing theyâre what you need at this moment. âNow you canââ
His proximity stops you, as he bends down and closes the distance. His mouth presses against yours, the hint of alcohol intoxicating you a little but itâs the feel of him that makes your mind hazy. With his hand still cupping your cheek, he pulls you towards him, his tongue merely licking your own when he slides inside as if to tease.Â
âDo that,â he finishes, pulling away only a little bit to allow you to answer. Â
âYes,â you heave, wanting so much more now that youâve had a taste of him again. âI wonât stop you this time.â
âGood,â he pants, grazing the tip of his nose on yours. âI donât plan to.â
Youâre unable to take a breath before his mouth crashes against yours, but you donât mind, not when you immediately lose yourself to the way he feels. The kiss is desperate, with his tongue seeking entrance right away and then entangling with yours. Yet it still feels gentle with how he holds you, as his one hand continues to caress your face while the other glides down your side torso, settling on your hip to pull you closer.Â
Your fingers grip his dress shirt, needing that anchor to ground you as you feel yourself drifting, getting lost in what youâre feeling - pure desire, an insatiable need, a sense of relief that thereâs finally nothing holding you back. He angles your head, allowing him to go even deeper, and you let him take control, you let him breathe you in, let his tongue explore your depths before he pulls back and nibbles your lower lip.Â
But he doesnât stop just like he said, as he makes his way to your neck. You moan once you feel him lick the shell of your ear, the sound urging him to do more. He finds spots that have you grunting in pleasure, sucking and licking and pressing soft kisses on them, leaving you a pleading mess. You chant his name, grind against him for that friction you badly need, and pull on his shirt, as if wanting that barrier gone.Â
âFuck,â he groans, meeting your hips. âFuck, you sound good.â
Jungkook feels the shiver of your skin, as his mouth slides up and down your neck while he grabs your waist. He loses himself in the sounds of your moans - constant and yearning - just as heavenly as he remembers. Youâre pliant, moving your head to give him access, letting him explore whateverâs exposed for him to do as he pleases, to taste whatever you can offer right now.Â
He pulls you for a kiss once again, and there seems to be more desperation now, as you try to dominate, to taste him, to keep him there. Your hand finds his, guiding it to map your body, to let him know where you want him, to tell him where he can go. He curses under his breath when he feels your breast, fondling it for the brief moment itâs there before you direct it further down. You know exactly what you want and heâll give it to you.Â
The front slit of your dress makes it easy, and when his finger grazes your clothed cunt, you let out a sound that rings in his ear, and he wants more of it.Â
âYou like that?â He huffs in your ear. âYou want me to touch you like that?â
âYeâyes,â you mumble, unable to say anything more.
Jungkook hears your desire. He feels it, too, but he teases a little, gliding down the wet patch before slowly pressing on your clit. You jerk a little, briefly pulling away from him so you can take in a long breath. You bite your lip and he knows that youâre holding yourself back.
But he wants more and he can tell that so do you. He doesnât care where you are right now; all he wants is to taste you, to feel you pulsate against his tongue, to make you feel good and let you know what he can give.
He looks down where his fingers have slipped past your underwear then back at you, the lick of his lips his way of seeking permission. You seem to know what he means, and you nod, granting it to him. He pulls you again for a kiss, much rougher this time, before he pushes you against the desk and lifts you so you could sit on the edge, just like that first time. But like you said, you wonât stop him anymore. And he truly doesnât have an intention to.
His mouth moves down actively, kissing every clothed and exposed part of you it passes while slowly lifting up your dress. He kneels on the floor and spreads your legs open, aching to taste even more of you. But he glances up and sees the anticipation on your face, his mind hypnotized even with just this view alone.
Holding your gaze, he teases, with his tongue merely grazing your throbbing cunt.
You tense up but itâs what gets you pleading.
âPlease,â you whimper, the sight of him from below leaving you in a daze. âJungâwantâpleaâIââ
Youâre unable to form proper words so he finally gives in, pulling your underwear to the side. He grunts, as the sight of your wet lips has his dick getting even harder. Your desire matches his, and all he wants is to fulfill your need.
With the barrier gone, he presses his tongue flatly over your clit, warming it up first before he starts moving around. He alternates fervent licks on it with slow movements everywhere else - on your lips, on the sides of your thighs, and inside your hole. Itâs messy and absolutely mind numbing, as your scent and and the way you taste divine have him burying himself even deeper into you, losing himself even more when he feels your hand in his hair, pushing him towards you as if you donât want him to go anywhere. And he wouldnât mind. Heâd live here if he could.
You start to give in, your legs slowly closing on him but he pushes them apart, keeping them open so he could do more. With his movements, he pulls you closer to the edge - of the table, of your orgasm - and he buries his face there again, licking and sucking and moaning like a man starved.Â
The sounds you make drive him crazy, and that's with you still holding back. Youâre still in his office, doing something you both definitely shouldnât, and he supposes you donât want your obscene sounds to echo throughout the floor despite it being empty. He canât wait to hear you without anything stopping you.Â
You start to shake and thatâs how he knows youâre close. He feels your uneven breathing, hears your broken chants of his name, and sees your grip on the table getting tighter. He wants to take you there, and with one final nip of your clit, you crash, the low, long-winded sound satisfying his need to pleasure you.
You try to catch your breath while he laps up your juices. Youâre still sensitive, as your legs jerk with every movement of his. He takes a peak and sees your half-lidded eyes and parted mouth, but you eventually return to your senses and meet his gaze. Youïżœïżœve had enough, it seems, as you pull him up and meet his lips.Â
Jungkook tastes of you, and you kiss him languidly, still out of breath and definitely in a daze. You want more of him, though; you want to bury yourself in him and elicit hypnotizing sounds thatâll have him chant your name, too, so you start to palm his hard length in return. But he goes soft on you, taking your arms and wrapping them around his waist before he cups your cheeks again while he returns your kisses.
âThis feels quite familiar,â you hum against his lips.
âReally? I donât remember you pushing my head between your thighs the last time,â he teases.
âOh, shush,â you frown, quickly realizing exactly what youâd done. âI canât believe I had you eat me out on your desk. In your office. On a work night, too. And while you have an event going on. Your father will be so angry.â
âGood thing he wonât know,â Jungkook shrugs, clearly unbothered.Â
But you arenât, so you pout at him. âWhat was I thinking?â
âMaybe you missed me too much, and I canât blame you, since you know, I did, too,â he reasons, his shy smile turning cheeky in a second. âOr maybe you wanted to leave me with a gift or something,â he smirks.Â
âTrue. When youâre stressed at work you can just remember what you did to me here and then youâll feel better, I guess.â
âActually, thatâll probably frustrate me,â he chuckles, pulling you closer again and wrapping his arms around you. âThinking about how good you sound and how amazing you taste without you around⊠Yeah, Iâd be angry.â
His praise flusters you, and you briefly turn away. But he assures you again that his father wonât know, and that youâre in the clear despite the indecency you both committed.Â
âAnd it doesnât matter,â he continues. âThat is worth whatever trouble Iâll be in, if it happens. I⊠I couldnât wait any longer. I just wanted you right away.â
The heat rushes to your cheeks again, and you giggle and bury your face in his neck. Itâs comforting, the way he giggles back but hugs you tighter. He smells just as you remember, and you think that this is how you want your days to go from now on - flushed against his chest, cradled in his arms, with his soft lips giving you shivers as he kisses your forehead.Â
Itâs just your joint breaths that you hear now, and you turn to him, your soft smile making his heart skip a beat, and he knows that this is how he wants his days to go from now on - safe in your embrace, with your soft lips tracing his jaw and leaving teasing pecks on his cheeks. He captures them in his, basking in the taste of you, and itâs not long after when the kiss intensifies, leaving him wanting more again.
But just as you return his desire, itâs at that moment when the phone rings, catching both of you off guard and in surprise. He appeases you, as your eyes look at him in worry. He picks up the call, and he hums in confirmation before putting the phone down.
âThe building is scheduled for sanitation in half an hour,â he says. âWe have to go.â
âOh right. I remember putting that in our calendars,â you hum, getting off the table and feeling the dampness of your underwear.
You fix your dress, trying to make it less uncomfortable. You turn to him who looks at you shyly.
âCan I take you home with me?â He asks. âMaybe we could, uh, continue this and you know, make up for the time we spent apart?â
âYes,â you respond, feeling your heart race at the possibilities of tonight. âIâd like that.â
He nods, unable to control his own smile. He motions towards the door and you walk out side-by-side, knowing enough that there are security cameras around. Thereâs at least that unspoken agreement that neither of you want the attention that could come from having this exposed, whatever this is. But you suppose you have time to figure it out. Youâve both expressed enough that you want each other; youâll just have to talk about how to move forward and make up for all thatâs happened.Â
Itâs cheeky glances from the elevator down to the car. But once he drives out of the building, he takes your hand and intertwines his fingers with yours. He smiles when you tighten your hold, as if to say that you donât want to let go of him, too.Â
You explain that you woke up late and had to buy a dress thatâs why you didnât get to him earlier. You share how you met the team and then his father, and the anticipation you felt on the way to the office to see him.Â
Jungkook narrates how his day went, saying that the interview and press conference were successful, and that he received so much praise from the artists for how the Arts Center turned out. You compliment him, too, saying how everything looks grand but that each individual space feels intimate, personal, and that you canât wait to explore it further.Â
The conversation is a good distraction, as the moment from earlier still has you reeling internally. His taste is addictive, and thereâs just so much more of him you want to see, to feel, to immerse yourself in. He seems a bit impatient, too. Heâs driving close to the speed limit, perhaps wanting to get to his place as soon as he can to continue what you both started. With everything thatâs happened, you wouldnât mind doing it all night.Â
You finally make it to his building, and he constantly pulls you close as you make your way up, with his hand snaking around your waist while you smile at him. But when he opens his door and you enter his penthouse, he keeps his distance, letting you walk through his hallway and into his kitchen as he looks on.
He walks slowly towards you and his heart starts to beat faster, knowing heâs got you alone now, and that thereâs no limit to what both of you could do. But though he wants to just take you in his arms, feel you against him again, and kiss you until you both run out of air, he decides to savor this first - the sight of you back in his apartment.Â
Itâs been so long. And with you looking as beautiful as you do in your pink dress, he wants to ingrain this image of you in his mind - happy and content, with a tender smile thatâs already healing the parts of him that once hurt.Â
âYour place looks the same as the last time I was here,â you say, looking around.
âWell, I havenât really been spending time here,â he shrugs. âI was too busy being an idiot and making this childrenâs library for this girl that Iâm really, really into to make up for it. And well, sheâs here with me now. I feel like this place is going to start feeling like home.â
âPlants would help. And maybe some personal photos,â you tease, but you reach out your hand that he takes and you pull him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck and grazing your nose against his. âBut Iâm also here. And Iâm not going anywhere, Jungkook. I just happen to really, really be into you, too.â
He laughs, and itâs a sound you once said you want to hear all the time. You think from now on, you will.Â
âGood. Iâd like to keep you for as long as I can.â
His eyes turn serious and it makes you feel hot all over. Itâs hard not to use his playboy lifestyle as a basis for how heâd be, and you canât help but think just how good heâs going to make you feel. Thereâs always been so much tension with him that in hindsight, youâve always tried to quell or overlook, but thereâs no need for that anymore. Youâll let your desire take over, release all that lust and yearning until he knows just how much you want him in ways words could never express.Â
But just as he closes the distance between you, the doorbell rings, and his groan of frustration makes you laugh. Itâs as if the universe is edging both of you with these distractions.Â
Jungkook looks at you in apology and agony. âThat might be Mr. Ri. Or Lucas,â he says, remembering that theyâd said that theyâll drop off some of the gifts he received in celebration of today. If he doesnât answer, theyâll probably enter on their own, since heâs given them permission to.
So he lets you go and heads towards the door while you scurry to the left towards the hallway.Â
You doubt whoever it is would come all the way inside so you donât really attempt to hide, but you do lean by the wall and listen in. Youâre appeased to know itâs Mr. Ri, as you see him enter with several gifts and packages.Â
âThese are from the artists and the Board. There are art pieces in the cart outside so just bring them in,â he instructs, oblivious to you standing not far away. âThey gave you lots of alcohol, too. I thought to bring them here already for whatever reason you might need them.âÂ
The older man chuckles and finally looks up and sees you.
âAnd I assume that reason is to celebrate,â he smiles now, and you donât miss the smug look on his face that makes you feel flustered. âI was just gonna say that ___ was looking for you,â he turns to Jungkook. âLooks like sheâs found you.â
âShe⊠she did,â Jungkook smiles back.Â
âGood. Itâs about time you kids made up,â he teasingly rolls his eyes. Heavens know how much he had to deal with, with you and Jungkook being such hard-headed idiots.
âWe were in the middle of it but then we got disrupted,â Jungkook frowns, to the amusement of the older man.
âOh, I wonder who did that,â Mr. Ri teases. âI better get going then.â
He sets aside the boxes and turns to both of you.Â
âBut before I leave, I just⊠I just want to congratulate you, Jungkook. The Arts Center is a beautiful piece of artwork. And that⊠that last-minute thing you did⊠Iâm telling you now that it drove your father crazy. But he⊠he told me how proud he is of you,â he continues, his look softening as he recalls their recent conversations, including the one just before he drove here. âTo do all that for someone you care about, that takes a lot of heart. I think that you, finding it and using it is what heâs happiest about.â
His words are followed by Jungkookâs nod, perhaps in appreciation, and silence, as youâre unsure what else could be said after that. Mr. Ri excuses himself after bringing in the last set of gifts and thereâs still that soft smile on his face before he leaves.Â
Itâs happening, he thinks, and despite all the time it took for you and Jungkook to get here, he supposes it was the only way. It wouldâve been easier if he or even Yoongi or Hoseok went ahead and spoke to both of you, perhaps to say it was all a misunderstanding or that there was nothing to be afraid of, not when you both undeniably felt the same way.Â
But he also knew that you both had to come to that realization on your own, that life without each other isnât something neither of you wanted. You also had to make that decision for yourselves - to be vulnerable, to be brave, to take risks, and to find out that it would all be worth it if youâre just honest about how you feel. It seems youâve both figured it out now, and he can finally feel at ease that two of the most important people in his life can now take care of each other, and that the love he gave helped both of you to get here.
Jungkook leads him out the door then returns to you, and as he walks to where you are, youâre finally able to appreciate how he looks. Itâs just like the other times when he had an event to go to - hair slicked back, long sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his dress shirt accentuating his toned chest, and the fit of his trousers showing off the rest of his figure. You eye him up and down and he smirks at you in response.
âSo⊠you exposed yourself, Mr. Jeon,â you say, pulling the neck of his tie to bring him closer to you. âWho taught you how to use your heart like that?â
âWho knew I even had one in the first place?âÂ
âI did.â
âNot at the start though,â he says, with a hint of guilt in his eyes.
âIt was there, you were just hiding it. But I saw it. And I got used to it. Then I couldnât get enough of it, of you,â you say, meeting his eyes. âAnd now I just⊠I want more of it, Jungkook. I want all of you.â
Having you be so bold about what you want does something to him. It already got him weak in the knees when you directed his hand where you wanted it earlier and when you looked at him to grant permission about having a taste of you. Hearing you say you want all of him causes his mind to short circuit, but he recovers quickly, as he nods and releases a breath before cupping your face in his hands then crashing his mouth into yours again.Â
Itâs sloppier this time, as you both try to take in as much of each other as you can. Your tongues battle for dominance, you nibble and lick each otherâs lips, and you moan with every breath as heâs got you caged against the wall, your hands gripping on his shirt to pull him even closer.
You feel Jungkookâs length hardening as heâs flushed against you, and you grind against him, needing that friction badly. He meets your hips and releases your face from his hold, supporting your back that now arches as you chase him, as he finds purchase on your neck, licking and sucking to elicit the most obscene sounds from you. He kneads your ass while you moan his name and plead for more, and you donât think youâve ever felt this much pleasure with just this, and you canât wait for what comes after.
âPlease,â you beg, as you feel your cunt throb in pain. Â
Jungkook doesnât need you to say anything else, as he has the same desire to feel your body. Thereâs so much he wants to do to you, so much more he wants to touch and feel. He wants to know how else you sound like, what makes you lose your breath, what makes you quiver and shake. He wants to know how else his mouth could make you come and how his fingers can drive you wild. He wants to know how your mouth feels wrapped around his cock, how much of him you can take, and how itâs like to be buried deep inside your warm walls as your essence coats him.Â
He wants you right now, so he heads towards the closest room, guiding you backwards as he unzips your dress and removes your bra. His hands immediately map your bare body, feeling the shiver in your skin with every movement. You whimper when he fondles your breast, and the thought of you being sensitive to his touch makes him even harder.
The back of your knees hit the edge of the bed and he guides you to lie down. He trails downward, nibbling as he goes and memorizing your body this way. His mouth reaches your waist, and from here, he finds himself intoxicated from your scent. He slowly removes your soaked underwear and the sight of your went cunt makes him throb in pain.
Youâre so fucking beautiful, he thinks to himself. He canât believe he waited so long to have you like this.
He thumbs your clit, and your continuous moans and calls of his name make him give in. He stands up and smirks at you and, taking your hand, he replaces his fingers with yours, his eyes ordering you to touch yourself.
You follow, and though it doesnât feel as good as how he does it, the pleasure hits differently when you watch him loosen his tie and unbutton his shirt. All those months of doing your morning routine comes back to you - now you get to see all thatâs underneath the clothes you prepare, and when he pulls down his trousers, your mouth drops the same time it does. Heâs thick and veiny, and you canât wait to feel him inside you.Â
His eyes are on your sopping cunt while yours are on his fingers as they stroke his length, getting himself ready for you. He opens the drawer and pulls out a condom, and while thereâs the tiniest bit of disappointment, you donât mind. Itâs something youâll eventually talk about. Right now, you just want him inside of you and you call out for him another time, prompting him to smirk once again and walk towards you.
He replaces your hand with his fingers this time, and when he returns to touching you, he climbs on the bed and hovers over you, lowering himself for a searing kiss.
âGood girl,â he hums against your lips.
You lose it, as if you hadnât lost yourself already, but his deep voice and the way he grunts against your skin do something to you. You feel his cock not long after, and no amount of yearning for him could prepare you for how good he feels. He fills you up just right, and the gradual way he enters you while his eyes bore into yours has your stomach in knots and your heart beating out of your chest.Â
âFuck, fuck,â he mouths as he goes deeper. âFuck, baby, you feel so, so good.â
He hits the edge and he settles for a while, letting you get used to the feel of him, but when you start to grind against him, he decides to do the same. Â
He moves his hips, pushing then pulling out then pushing harder. He raises himself and intently watches your face distort in pleasure - your breath hitching, your lips parting, your eyes half-lidded as you moan his name, as if itâs the only word youâll remember after all this. He starts to increase the pace, loving the way your breasts bounce in response. Then he slows down, only so he could capture one of them in his mouth to suck and the other, in his hand to touch.Â
The feeling of ecstasy overtakes you. He doesnât go rough all the way, as you initially expected he would. Instead, he paces himself, going fast for a period of time and then slowing down to let both of you bask in the feel of each other. He doesnât seem to want either of you to come right away, you can tell, by the way he moves and the way he looks at you - with a kind of longing and desire that feels so intimate.
He gets back on his knees after and spreads your legs, giving him more space to pound into you, and with his hands gripping your hips, he pulls it towards him to meet his. You feel him deeper inside, and it has you holding onto your breasts, pleasuring yourself there, too, as he starts fondling your clit once again.Â
Youâre feeling everything everywhere, and your mind starts to go hazy when he lifts your leg and places it over his shoulder, allowing him to enter you from an angle that has you mewling in intense pleasure. You feel your eyes rolling out, but somehow they land on him, and the way his head tilts back while he grunts in pleasure as he caresses your thigh is a sight that you want to keep seeing. That image of his clenched jaw and strained neck will be ingrained in your mind from now on.
You continue with this pace for a while until he lowers himself and kisses you, hard and deep the same way he thrusts into your hole. With his chest flushed against yours, his mouth sucking and licking your neck, and his hand flicking your pert nipples, you come, the deep inhale and the exhale of moans echoing inside the bedroom.Â
Jungkook feels your essence despite the barrier, and itâs a kind of euphoria that pushes him to reach his peak. He hovers over you again, pinning your hands to your side for that anchor he needs. He meets your tongue with his, and then he pounds hard, wanting that high as you come down from yours. But you donât hold back, as you meet his hips and curse and tell him how good he feelsÂ
âFuck, Jungkook,â you seethe. âYou fuck me so good. Fuck, fuck, yes. Keep going, please baby. Keep going.â
Your words push him over the edge, and he crashes before he knows it. He grunts as he catches a breath, a way to express the intense pleasure he just experienced. But he sees you still panting. You may have already come but another one wonât hurt, so he nibbles on your breasts again, knowing it wonât take long. Youâre already close, and with a few more flicks of his fingers on your clit, he feels you quiver again.Â
âCome for me again, baby,â he mumbles. âI wanna hear your pretty sounds again.â
It doesnât take long. Thereâs a tone of your moan that lets him know youâve reached your peak, and he keeps that in mind for everyday that he plans on doing this to you.
You catch your breath, feeling as if youâre in a daze with what you just experienced. As you come down again, you meet his eyes. They were intense and lustful earlier but theyâre soft now, just as his smile is. Thereâs contentment on his face and adoration. He kisses your lips, and thatâs soft, too, before he turns to your side and lies on his back.Â
Jungkook feels the exhilaration from that ride with you, and he definitely wants to do it again. But he knows heâll have to recover. He turns to you and thinks that youâll need some time, too, but he canât help himself. He presses soft kisses on your torso, up until he reaches your cheek, and that causes you to smile.
He finally stands up and tells you heâll clean up, and you nod, somehow needing a moment alone to wrap your mind around what just happened.Â
Itâs different, you think, when sex is with someone you actually feel really strongly for. All the ones before donât compare. Sure, you were attracted to the men you dated, but they never made you feel anything close to this. Perhaps itâs Jungkook, but maybe itâs also you - for the first time, youâre giving more than just your time and your energy. For the first time, youâre giving your heart, too. All of it.
The thought makes you giddy. It also makes you shy because it all feels new. And it suddenly makes you hyper aware of where you are.Â
You look around. This is a new room. Other than Jungkookâs bedroom, youâve only been to his study; this door was always closed and you never had a reason to see whatâs behind it. You know he doesnât really have people over but you assume an extra bedroom is always good to have.
You start to feel cold without Jungkookâs warmth, so you shift on the end and pull the covers, burying yourself under it. You donât remember where your dress is, and youâre suddenly too shy to just head out the room and get it. Itâs at the same time that Jungkook exits the bathroom with his boxers on, and even that has you feeling all kinds of things.Â
âHey,â he says, sitting on the edge of the bed. âAre you cold?â
âA bit,â you respond.
He looks around and spots his dress shirt on the foot of the bed. He takes it and pulls away the blanket so he can make you wear it. He buttons it and fixes your hair, parting the damp strands and tucking them behind your ear. He helps you stand then you scurry towards the bathroom to clean yourself up.Â
You donât take long as you donât want to make him wait, and when you open the door, you see him with his trousers back on, fixing the bed. On top of it are your folded dress and underwear. Between that and the shirt youâre wearing, something inside you stirs as youâre reminded again of how thoughtful Jungkook is. You like him for so many reasons, and now that you get to be with him like this, youâll get to know him even more.
You donât realize youâre staring at him as he moves about until he starts walking towards you.Â
âIâll get your clothes dry cleaned. Is that okay?â
You nod, giddy again and unable to speak.Â
âI was also, uh, thinking. Do you want to spend the night with me? And maybe the one after, too?â He asks.
âIâd like that,â you smile.Â
âGood,â he smiles back, kissing you deeply. âI was really hoping we get to do more of that.â
You laugh in response even if deep inside, youâre screaming in excitement. Youâre still overwhelmed by all this, but you know that spending the evening and then waking up next to him will let you ease into this new life that you have.Â
He laughs, too, when your stomach grumbles, and you realize you havenât eaten anything since you left your motherâs house, and that was almost 12 hours ago.
âI actually donât have anything in my fridge so letâs just order out.â
You nod, and shortly after, you find yourself sitting on the couch with him, your legs laying over his lap while his fingers caress your thigh. Heâs got his arm around you and you sit there, just talking, while you wait for your dinner to arrive.Â
You stay on the dining table when it does, and you remain there after youâve both wiped out all the food. You both clean up, liking the domesticity that feels more real now, even more when he takes your hand and leads you to his bedroom.Â
âI donât have any makeup remover or anything like that,â he says from inside his bathroom. âJust cleanser. Is that okay?â
âUh, yeah, that should be fine,â you say, following him inside.Â
He places some skincare items on the counter and says that heâll buy your brand this weekend. He grabs a towel and places it on the stool next to the shower before he turns to you.Â
Thereâs a look of desire in your eyes, and though heâd initially thought that maybe youâd want to wash up on your own, the way youâre biting your lips makes him think that maybe you donât.
He walks towards you and, with his fingers fiddling with the buttons of his shirt you have on, he looks at you in question as a way to seek permission. You nod, and itâs his confirmation. Thereâs something about you speaking to him with your eyes that has him nervous, but every approval you give stirs something in him. Thereâs your shyness but thereâs also that desire to have him close.
He undoes the shirt, and though heâs already seen your bare body earlier, it still takes his breath away, as if itâs the first time heâs being graced with this, only because heâs been craving it for weeks.
Not much is said when he undresses after you, but you donât really need words. Right as he turns on the warm shower, your lips are already on his. Itâs sensual this time, as you both seem to want to savor this now that you have more time to spare. Thereâs still so much he wants to know and to feel, and he supposes thereâll be more days to learn all that.Â
But then again, that could also be today, as you kneel on the floor and take his hardening dick in your mouth. Youâre just as heavenly as he imagined, even more when you let him come on your chest and heâs dazed with how turned on you look. He finishes you off with you caged against the wall, your breasts in his mouth and his fingers inside your hole. Itâs more languid kisses once you decide to actually take a shower, and going slow as you caress each otherâs bodies is another feeling that he wants to keep having.
He gives you one of his shirts to wear before you both head to his bed. Itâs past midnight and the day has started to catch up to him. Heâs been tired since midday, and he wouldâve crashed on his couch after finishing a bottle of whiskey if you hadnât come.Â
But you did, and the past few hours have been nothing short of amazing, as if itâs a dream he doesnât believe is really happening. You lay next to his side, looking warm and comfortable with the softest smile on your face, a contrast to how you looked when you took him so deep in your mouth and moaned curses while you pulled on his hair as you came on his fingers.Â
âWhat are you thinking about?â You ask him.
âA lot of things. Also nothing,â he says. âSo much has happened today and I just⊠I just wanna sleep but I also want to stay awake with you a bit longer.â
âWeâll have more time together though,â you assure him. âWe can talk about them tomorrow.â
He hums, knowing that his weekends from now on will no longer be boring like they used to be.Â
âWhat about you, what are you thinking about?âÂ
âThat your bed is so soft and your pillows smell so nice,â you respond, earning you a laugh. âBetter than the one earlier. Although come to think of it, I didnât even know you had a guest room.â
âItâs, well, uh⊠I wouldnât really call it a guest room. I donât really make people sleep there. Unless, they, uh, stay the night even if I told them not to.â
With his embarrassed face, the thought dawns on you.Â
âYou have a room specifically for your hookups?â You gasp. âYou fucked me in your hookup room!â
You donât seem angry but still, he supposes it doesnât sound good when you say it like that.
âThat⊠that was the closest room with something to lie on and I just wanted you so badly,â he explains, truly looking like he feels bad about it. âI only have that because I donât let people in my room and well, youâre here now, arenât you? I donât like people being inside my space but you⊠I want you here. Iâm sorry.â
He looks at you with apologetic eyes and you suddenly feel bad for reacting the way you did. Itâs not a big deal. Maybe it isnât ideal when you look back on it but then again, he fucked you so good, it doesnât really matter. It also doesnât matter where he does it. But maybe claiming other parts of his penthouse isnât so bad.
âItâs okay, you made up for it,â you say, kissing his pouty lips to let him know itâs fine.Â
Thereâs really nothing you can complain about, not when youâre next to him and feeling the safety and warmth of being by his side. Thereâs that comfort of being able to say and do what you want to, including expressing your desire without holding back anymore. That itself feels like freedom, and you get to live that out with him.
âWe should probably skip that room for next time,â you add. âI mean, you have a nice bathtub and a spacious closet and a large couch and a wide dining table.., you have a study, a gymâŠâ you smirk, something he does, too. âWe have so many options.â
âWe do,â he laughs, leaning in to kiss you now. âWe also have my bed, in case you forgot.â
âI was just about to say,â you giggle, sitting up and motioning for him to lie on his back. His smile is replaced with a lustful look once you start grinding against his clothed dick. âSo, uhm, shall we?â
He grabs your hips and aids your movements, immediately feeling pleasure that he fortunately isnât too tired to build on. He sits up and catches your lips in his.Â
âI can do this all night,â he whispers.
And with languid kisses and curious hands mapping each otherâs bodies, you feel the beginnings of learning what your heart could do. Right now, itâs racing, as it feels the desire to be one with him, to share in intimacy and vulnerability as you bare parts of yourself to him with no reservations.Â
You know that starting today, thereâll be more that your heart will learn to do, like understand and forgive. One day, it will heal. And as it soars and finds a home in Jungkookâs arms, you know that one day, it will learn how to love, too.
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à©â©â§âË EVERYBODY TALKS (LN4)
pairing: lando norris x f!reader
summary: lando eventually lands the girl of his dreams. he also finds out just how fast news travels
a/n: this was one of my wips i posted foREVER ago so enjoy the full one shot whilst i finish off some written stuff. based on everybody talks by neon treesđââïžđ€
*faceclaim (but imagine as you see her fit) is millie hannah
landonorris just posted a photo à©â©â§âË
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landonorris booâs birthday
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alex_albon hereâs a thought stop calling her your boo and actually make her your boo
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user did anyone else see that comment or am i making things up
user bro just ask her out i swear to god
user last photo is feeling very intimate mr. norris
alex_albon happy birthday y/n/n, please donât get me super drunk tomorrow
user i saw that last comment mr ur not slick
yourusername no promises albono i intend to do a lot of shots
texts between lando and friends à©â©â§âË
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yourusername y/nâs big birthday bashđȘ©
đ€ tagged landonorris, friend1 and 6 others
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landonorris did u run to the bathrooms just to post on instagram
yourusername stfu and order me shots
user is anyone else now thinking about how often y/n probably sees lando shirtlessđïžđđïž
user iâve been thinking about it since she first posted that photo of him in the gym showing his abs
user @/user TAG ME IN THAT WTF
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yourusername đ
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user MAâAM YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLY ATTRACTIVE
lilymhe is that the lip combo i suggested because GIRL IT SUITS YOU
user lando MOVE i want her too
landonorris pretty
landonorris where are you off to?
yourusername meeting that friend i told you about on my bday!
y/nâs texts with lando à©â©â§âË
landonorris just posted stories à©â©â§âË
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yourusername race days
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maxverstappen1 youâre a jinx. never come again
maxverstappen1 (it was lovely to see you)
yourusername hope you enjoyed your time in the garageđ„°đ„°
user come to every race youâre good luck
user personally if my best friend was super hot and came to cheer me on looking that good iâd cuff her but maybe landoâs different
yourusername nah heâs just oblivious
landonorris @/yourusername HUH
yourusername @/landonorris i said what i said
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texts between lando and friends à©â©â§âË
landonorris just tweeted à©â©â§âË
yourusername responded: yes, literally everyone.
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landonorris lando: 1, friendzone: 0
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user FUCKIN FINALLY.
user @/yourusername i could treat you better
alex_albon youâre not really winning if youâve been pining over her for two years mate
landonorris shut the fuck up before she sees this
yourusername @/landonorris TWO YEARS??? TWO YEARS AND YOU SAID NOTHING????
user uh oh. landoâs in trouble
ââââ
a/n: this was⊠weak i apologise im still settling inđ just wanted to put something out whilst i finish my charles/seb/lando written one shots eek!
as always any reblogs and whatnot appreciated. big love xx
- giselle
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Keep Moving Forward
Pairing: König x Reader
Summary: You're determined to find out why everyone thinks König is so scary, afterall he's just some guy that's taller than most people right? He's probably harmless! Well, he's a little scary, but you still like him anyway.
(No use of y/n or mention of gender/race)
AN: Just want to say a massive thank you for everyones lovely comments on the last part, I can't believe how many notes that has now đ± I've got a taglist so if you want to be added or removed (I just stuck down everyone that commented or reblogged the last one with tags/comments) lemme know! Also I've got my own version of what König looks like and I've been including details so hopefully you like my thoughts on him đ„°
Part 2 of A Rocky Start - Full Masterlist Here
-â ïž-
A forbidden crush, a whole unit of men watching out for any missteps and a job that required you to be on your A game - it all sounded a bit like a bonkers netflix plot, but no this was your life now. You were desperately trying to hide your little (massive) König crush, while trying to get through your days and it was going horribly. The universe was working against you.Â
König kept appearing for one. Now that he knew you werenât talking to him just to fuck with him, youâd been meeting more and more and talking for longer each time. In fact, youâd come to learn a lot about the man in the short amount of time youâd spent together and unfortunately for you, nothing about any of it turned you off. In fact, you were only falling harder for him.Â
Every touch, every grazed hand when you were reaching for mugs and brushed sides when you sat together on the couch - they were driving you crazy. Not to mention catching little details about him here and there, painting a mental picture that rivalled the mona lisa.Â
Youâd caught a glimpse of a scar that snaked up from his lip and a few that marred his hands and arms, youâd noted bruises that carried back from missions and most of all you couldnât help but think of the little birthmark on his left hip that heâd exposed when heâd been reaching for tea. You thought about running your fingers along them often, kissing them all better.Â
Youâd learned that it was pretty much pointless to make movie references to König because he barely took time to watch them. He was much more of a doer, he didnât like to sit still for long and most film runtimes were over an hour and a half, which was no good for him. And so youâd slowly gotten a peek into his more active hobbies. Hiking, rock climbing and skiing, only to name a few. The man was an athlete that rivalled most of the soldiers you knew. Â
âAnd this was the view from top!â heâd proudly said after he showed you another picture from one of his hikes.
âWoah, no wonder your legs are like tree trunks,â youâd murmured, raking your eyes over his thick thighs.
âWhat was that?â
âOh! Just- you must get a good workout climbing all those hills.â
Just one of the many times youâd let your appreciation for him slip. You could barely help it most of the time, he had your words fizzling out like some kind of mentos and coke explosion. The highly trained soldier in you died the minute you were in a room with him.Â
It was when he grabbed you that you finally went stupid for him. König was - as Captain Price had described him - a mammoth in many regards. Youâd already taken note of his verging on monstrous height, but youâd come to learn a lot more about his strength. He could lift you like you were little more than a lap dog.
How had you come to find this out? Well -
âWatch out!â
Your head had been completely in the clouds, busy catching up with messages from your family, when suddenly you were in the air. You gasped as you felt a pair of hulking arms pick you like an apple from a low hanging branch and squeaked when you looked down and came to notice the pile of vomit that lurked below your flailing feet. Gross.Â
Then youâd come to the slow realisation of exactly whose arms were wrapped around you. Suddenly the rising feeling of nausea was replaced by hordes of stirred up butterflies.
âAre you ok?âÂ
You blinked, still shocked that König was holding you like you were nothing.
âUh- ah- yeah! Yup! All good, big guy!â
Youâd hurried out your reply, sputtering out your words like a leaky tap. You felt like an idiot. Then the feeling intensified when he put you down and turned you to face him. In fact, you felt like someone had placed a heat pad to your face after running a marathon.
If he could lift you that easy when you were limp, imagine how easy he could lift you up against the wall and-
âAre you sure youâre ok? You lookâŠnot so good?.â
You gulped and offered him what you hoped was a reassuring smile and then - to make matters worse - a double thumbs up (who did that???). You silently cursed in your mind, but covered up your embarrassment by staring back at the sick pile for a second and then facing König again.
âEwâŠthanks for saving me from that! I wouldâve been throwing up as well if Iâd had to clean that outta my shoes.â
âAny time, friend!â
Friend.
It stung a little, but then you had to remind yourself you were both supposed to be acting professionally, this was a base afterall, and quickly righted yourself. Friend would do fine in a setting where Price would have your head for even looking at König a little flirtily. Especially when the resident gossips had continued to grass you in for any interactions they caught.Â
-â ïž-
âThat was some amount of whitey those new recruits left all over the hallways yesterday,â Soap had remarked after finishing a set of pull ups.Â
You hummed in agreement, remembering back to being lifted and growing quiet as you thought about Königs bulging arms. It had been a recurring thought for the whole twenty two hours since it had happened. Not that you were counting or anything, especially not being obsessive by any means. It was just that the electricity that had been sparked by that touch had been racing around your body and now you were stuck replaying the scene over and over in your head like an accursed rerun.Â
âEnglish, Soap,â Ghost grunted, from a nearby bench.Â
âThere was a lot of puke all over the place yesterday,â Soap sighed, rolling his eyes at the Lieutenant.Â
âOh yeah, I heard about that. Did you hear sneaky almost stepped in it?â
âOoft, thatâd be a shite shift cleaning that off.â
âI know. Luckily little sneak got airlifted to safety,â Ghost said slyly, giving you a pointed look. âGot snatched away by a certain giant before they stepped right in it.â
You froze in your spot, just about to curl a weight upwards before letting it crash out of your hands and onto the floor. That fucking, no good old dear prick! How had he heard about that? You hadnât thought anyone else had been around when it had happened.Â
âCareful, sneak. The Germanâs not here to stop that from stubbing your toe,â Ghost chuckled.
âHeâs Austrian actuallyâŠAnd how did you know about that?â
âOooh! Austrian,â Soap snickered.
âWell I do apologise. You should know by now that I hear about everything when it comes to our unit, sweetheart.â
You hated that. Whenever Ghost patronisingly called you sweetheart it made your blood boil and clouded your thoughts like a thick red mist. Though, there was nothing you could do about it. He wasnât someone you could wage revenge on without being thoroughly outgunned in all respects. Plus, it would only make you look more guilty.Â
âWell, you didnât even know what nationality König was so you donât know everything,â you muttered.
âWell, now that youâve filled me in, I can go tell Price you were getting lifted up by the big Austrian cunt that he told you to stay away from,â he countered smugly.Â
âWhat! I canât help who snatches me out of the air from nowhere,â you hissed. âHave you seen the size of him? I canât exactly stop him.â
He tisked.Â
âWell then, soldier. Sounds like you need more training. Câmere, weâll practise getting out of holds!â
You yelped as Ghost had come crashing toward you and dove out of the way just in time to miss his outstretched arms. Even if he was smaller than your new companion, Ghost was still built like a tank - and he would pin you down like a mouse under the wheel of a 4x4 if he caught you.Â
âStay away from me!â youâd squealed, running away from the gym.Â
âOh now youâre suddenly averse to getting grabbed!â
-â ïž-
Essentially, you were discovering a new level of hell every day. Your entire unit had cottoned on to your little thing with König and now there was no escape from the jokes they made. Well that is until Price came along and no one was quite enough of an asshole to mention your activities to him. You all knew the consequences of getting his back up and it wasnât worth the stress for anyone.Â
Though, not everyone was aware of that - König himself for one. Unluckily for you, youâd found yourself in the kitchen with Price and Soap and just as the kettle was put to the boil, who should walk in but the Austrian giant himself.Â
âEvening,â he murmured, barely loud enough to be heard over the kettle.Â
Soap looked up from his phone as he noticed König and widened his eyes before searching you out and giving you a sly smile. Oh lord. You knew he was going to love watching you squirm.Â
Suddenly your heart was thudding like a samba drum and your mind was racing to find your self restraint. Donât let Price see you turn into a nervous fucking wreck! You repeated that over and over like a mantra, turning it over in the sands of your mind as if you might find some calm that way.Â
âEveninââ you smiled, feeling your voice lilt.
Oh god.Â
You smiled at König as he approached the counter and promptly scampered away to the table, hoping that by keeping some distance you wouldnât be so transparent. Fat chance considering the stupid smirk that was all over Soapâs face as he pretended to batter his eye lashes behind Priceâs back. Asshole!
You knew you looked guilty as hell, even if you were walking away from König. However, any chance of not being caught ogling by Price was worth taking. So you figured youâd stare at your phone instead and prayed to all the gods you knew of that König was busy and heâd have to leave again after getting himself something to drink.Â
Why didnât he ever go out for food? There was a perfectly nice pub just over the road and he could easily go there instead of looking over you all the time - putting you in grievous danger of toilet duty. Youâd have to tell him about it sometime, and hope that heâd ask to go with you.Â
âAnyone else want a brew?â Price offered, in the midst of pouring his own cup.Â
You looked up from your phone screen, darting your eyes over to the captain. Answer him! Speak normally!
âOh! Yes, me please.â
Maybe that was a little more polite and nicey-nice than usual, but at least you were coherent. That was something, a small victory.
âCoffee for me, Price,â Soap grinned.Â
You breathed out a small sigh now that Price was distracted by Soap and let your eyes wander over to König, resting your chin in your hand. He was so big, he towered over the two other men by a few heads at least. He could pin you down like a lion and thereâd be nothing you could do about it, nothing youâd want to do about it.Â
âThatâs the wrong one.â
You jumped as Königâs accented voice interrupted the thankful silence and widened your eyes as you watched him turn to Price. What was he doing? You sucked in a breath and watched as the two men became locked into an exchange and silently hoped a rogue sniper might take you out.Â
âSorry, what was that?â Price asked, frowning deeply as he stared at the masked man.
âThatâs the wrong tea,â König supplied helpfully. âSneaky likes this one.â
As if correcting Price on his choice of tea wasnât enough, König went to the lengths of picking a bag of your herbal stuff out. He dropped it into the mug and stuck the other bag back in the back, tilting his head as Price stared at him with a raised eyebrow.Â
âWell thenâŠthanks for the advice,â he finally said, turning to stare you down. âItâs never nice when you expect one thing and get the other.â
You were in deep shit.Â
He was giving you the âIâve killed before and Iâll do it againâ look. You gulped and slumped in your chair, feeling like a tiny child that was about to get reprimanded. Price was going to learn all about your involvement with König soon, the game was up.Â
âOh yeah, no problem!â König said, sounding like he was smiling under his mask.Â
That idiot!Â
Though, in fairness to him he knew nothing about the toilet duty thing. He didnât even have any idea that you werenât supposed to be interacting with him, especially when youâd gone so out of your way to do it over the past month. It wasnât his fault, but at the same time you could strangle his beautiful massive neck for what heâd done.Â
âSneak, would you mind coming with me for a moment? I think we should have a little chat,â Price smiled. âIâll bring your tea.â
He was probably omitting that he was going to dump it over your stupid head, you thought worriedly. This wasnât good at all.Â
You gulped and nodded at him, slinking out of your chair like a dog about to take a beating. Though, you continued to follow behind him just as dutifully - Ignoring Soap as he gave you a little wave off and a snarky smile. You knew as soon as youâd left that he was messaging the group chat right then, and the whole 141 would know that you were getting pulled up for speaking to König.Â
He lead you down the hall and into an empty meeting room, setting the two mugs down on the table, they hit the wood like death knells, and pointed to the chair in front of him. It all felt very formal, like this was going to be one of the worst telling offs of your life.Â
âDonât look so scared, kid.â
You bit your tongue and chanced a look in his eyes, seeing the glint that lingered within them. He didnât look furious, but he didnât look like he was going to offer you a cuddle and kind words either. It made you sweat a little less, but you werenât dumb enough to completely untense your body yet.Â
âY-youâre not annoyed that Iâve been speaking to König?â You asked, chancing your luck.
âOh, Iâm annoyed, but Iâm not going to kill you for it,â he laughed humorlessly, leaning back in his chair. âYou look like youâre going to shit yourself.â
âI think I might,â you said, biting your lip and fastening your shaky hands around your warm tea cup.Â
âSee, thatâs why Iâm concerned about thisâŠrelationship youâre building with König. I worry about you.â
You frowned, thoroughly surprised by his reaction. He was being a damn sight more sympathetic than you were expecting. This wasnât a bollocking, this was an intervention.Â
âYou donât have to worry. Weâre just friends - strictly platonic! We talk and have tea together, nothing more than that,â you explain breathily, hoping itâll appease the captain.
He strokes a hand through his beard and eyes you warily. Heâs clearly unconvinced. His jaw is set into a worried line.Â
âHmm.â
He doesnât give much away.Â
âReally, Iâm not trying to take things f-further.â
You stutter like a liar. Really, that is what youâre doing if youâre honest with yourself. You might not be asking König out on dates and braiding flowers into his gear, but you have been shamelessly flirting with him and getting into close proximity with him at the slightest chance. Plus, Price practically knows you better than your own parents, heâd be able to tell when you were acting differently, like you were in terminal stages of puppy love.Â
âLook, heâs not part of our unit, so really itâs none of my business, I canât actually do anything about it - as much as Iâd like to,â he says, glowering for a moment. âI just think that heâs dangerous and I donât like the thought of you getting close to him. For all I know, heâs nice enough to you, but when heâs on the field that manâs an animal. Thereâs something wrong with him.âÂ
You gasp a little as he says it, shocked that heâd say something like that to you. What did he mean there was something wrong with König? Sure, you thought, he was quiet and intimidating but he was so polite and cheerful when youâd gotten to know him more. Itâs not like most people were their best selves on a battlefield - it was in your training to leave all that behind. It was hypocritical to judge Königs actions given your experience with the 141 out on missions.Â
âWhat do you mean thereâs something wrong with him?â You finally asked, curious to know just what Price meant.Â
âHe takes too much pleasure in the work he does. Heâs sick when heâs out there- like letting a rabid dog out of its cage. I worry about you getting involved with him and being at the mercy of a man like that. You wouldnât have any chance against him, Sneak. Iâve seen him crush bones like theyâre twigs, heâd snap you like a toothpick.â
You can feel your pulse in your ears, can hear it working away like a jackhammer. You donât know how to respond. The fact that Price is this worried for you really does concern you, but on the other hand König has never given you any reason to be scared of him beyond that first encounter youâd had with him. Then again, you reasoned that that surely wasnât the real him - that was guarded walled up version of him. Right?Â
âI see,â you sighed, not able to come out with more.Â
âI know you wonât want to take my word for it, and youâre going to keep doing whatever it is you're actually doing. I just want to know that youâve been warned and youâre going to be careful.â
You took a breath and looked away, roving your eyes over the assortment of chairs on the other side of the room. Sure, you could take his warning on. Though, it didnât feel like it was going to stick, not when you thought back to his arms wrapped around you and making you feel like a precious gem.Â
âIâll keep what youâve said in mind,â you acquiesced.Â
âGood soldier,â Price smiled, leaning over and patting your shoulder.
You swallowed thickly and stood up, feeling your breathing return back to normal. Well that was it then. You werenât going to be killed on sight and you didnât have to worry about staring down the bowl of a toilet for the rest of your miserable life.Â
You both stepped out the doorway and into the light of the hall. You felt dizzy on your feet, but relieved that you were getting away without any punishment. Well, other than the fact that König might be someone to worry about rattling around in the back of your mind, that is. Then again, you had a sneaking suspicion that youâd forget all about it as soon as you were in his company againâŠ
âRemember what I said, Sneaky! Otherwise Iâll let you think about it some more while youâre on your knees scrubbing toilets,â Price said over his shoulder, taking an indulgent sip of his coffee afterwards.Â
You stopped in your tracks and shared a look with Soap, whoâd poked his head out of the kitchen to check on you. Well, maybe you werenât going to completely forget Priceâs warning. His lingering threat would keep you on your toes.Â
-â ïž-
âIt seems a little late for you to be out walking,â you noted.
You watched as König whirled around, and went wide eyed when he looked like he might hit you. His fist was drawn back and just when it looked like he was about to swing it - he stopped and let it fall flatly to his side. As soon as heâd scanned his eyes over your shrinking form he went limp immediately.Â
âScheiĂe! Where the hell did you come from?â he cursed.
You took a moment to recover but eventually found your heartbeat returning to its regular rhythm and swallowed, relaxing your shoulders soon after. That was close. You assumed heâd have known you were sitting there on the wall, he always seemed to have a hyper awareness of you as if he was some kind of bat. Though his echolocation must have failed for once, youâd been too obscured by the untrimmed tree branches that had surrounded you, most likely. Â
âI-I come out and sit here sometimes, its nice to look at the stars.â
König regarded the wall you were sitting on, just a low down thing made of worn stone and his head followed where it stretched down the road. It cut off the pavement from the small scatty park inside. Then when he looked back at you with his twinkling azure eyes, those eyes that had you forgetting all about the near miss that just happened, you finally got to take him in properly. You watched him as he settled next to you on your makeshift seat.Â
Two things struck you all at once. Firstly, König was wearing a neck warmer instead of his usual sniper hood, probably so he wouldnât scare any civilians more than a hulking giant like himself normally would, it was drawn way up to the bridge of his nose, but nevertheless you knew it was him under there. And next - the mess of shaggy dirty-blonde hair on top of his head. You had to fight the urge not to ask if you could run your hands through it. It was like putting a moth in front of a thousand watt bulb. You ached to feel the fuzz of his faded sides and get to rearrange the chaotic locks above that sprawled in every direction.
âYouâre staring.â
You bit your lip as he said it, and looked away guiltily. Oh fuck. Itâs not like it could be helped though, this was the most youâd gotten to see of him. He was always so covered up and burdened by gear you could barely make out the man from the material - and now you were getting to see what was basically a visual buffet of König. It wasnât fair. You could look at every inch of him that heâd let you see all day.Â
âSorry,â you finally breathed out. âI just- uh was surprised is all.â
âWhy?â he smirked, eyes crinkling as he stared right back.Â
âDidnât think youâd be blonde,â you say, thinking blessedly quickly.Â
âWhat is it they say? Blondes have more fun?â he chuckled, coming to sit on the wall next to you.Â
You snorted and looked away from him again. Even though youâd been talking for a while now, his silly humour could still surprise you, especially when you recalled the way everyone acted around him, as if heâd bite them if they got too close. It was like getting to see a tiger roll onto his stomach when no one else was around.Â
âHow come you donât wear that around the base?â you asked, tilting your head at him.
âWhy would I? I can wear my hood there without getting questioned about it.â
âBut isnât it less stuffy with the neck warmer?â You ask, crinkling your nose at the thought of being trapped under that heavy material all day.Â
âYes, but itâs as though I can physically feel people's eyes cutting into me when I wear this - or nothing. The staring is too much.âÂ
You pause for a second and laugh at yourself, feeling a little more embarrassed.
â...Like I was just doing to you there.â
König laughs a little with you, but after a second he shakes his head and breaths out into the frigid night air. The skies had been dark for a little while by that point and the light of the moon was bright and shiny, reflecting in Königâs eyes like a gleaming pearl. It was probably the first time you ever recalled admiring the moon that much.Â
âI didn't feel like I was being dissected by you, no.â
You felt a little tingle run rogue down your arm. So he didnât mind you looking at him? You smiled a little wider to yourself and tried to conceal it with a scratch of your cheek.Â
âReally? Whyâs that?â You asked, feeling a little brave.Â
âYou stare at me all the time, Iâm used to it.â
Instantly it felt as if the air had caught fire and was charring you into oblivion. Heâd caught you? Why hadnât he said anything before? You opened your mouth ready to come up with some kind of silly excuse, too flustered to think of something good. Though he interrupts you before you can get a sound out.Â
âI didn't mean to embarrass you, I find it endearing,â he soothed.
âWhat? Why?â you ask dumbly.
âThe way you look - with your wide doe eyesâŠâ he says trailing off.Â
Now he cant look at you. His head turns away. You can't speak either, so you're both left frozen in place.
âThe way youâre looking at me now,â he finally says.
âMaybe I just canât stop staring at your messy hair,â you chuckle, trying to awkwardly change the subject. âSomeone should fix that for you.â
âDoes someone want to?â he asks, his brows setting as he tilts his chin.Â
Oh no. You bite your lip feeling like your bodyâs going to astrally project onto another planet. Was this really happening? Did he actually just give you permission to touch him, no, run your hands through his hair?Â
Part of you wants to laugh him off and prevent any embarrassment when he turns around and says he was kidding, says youâre a weirdo for wanting to touch him like that. Your mind starts going down avenues of all the awful things he could say about the little freak that looks at him too much, but then the sane part of your mind kicks and acts as a buffer stop, halting the run away anxiety train. König would never do that to you.Â
You were far too used to dealing with Ghost and Soap, and all of their stupid teasing. But even then, not even they would do something so cruel.Â
âI do,â you murmur.Â
König nods and leans forward and closes his eyes, giving you what little advantage he can with the amount of height he has on you. At first, youâre incredulous that youâre in a real life scenario and not locked into a fantasy seven layers deep, but you quickly give up that idea and decide to tentatively reach out. Youâre too excited not to take the opportunity.Â
Your hand shakes a little at first as you make contact with his soft hair, and immediately you think of the devil dog your neighbour used to have when you were a kid. It was a huge old thing that barked like a foghorn, but once it got to know you, it would roll over and present its downy fur and you could spend hours at a time running your hands through it. Now, though, itâs not the scary shepherd youâre taming, itâs König.Â
He sits perfectly still while you sort through all the strands, smoothing them back and fixing them into place. You swear you can hear soft groans coming from him, but theyâre so quiet you could be mistaken. That, and youâre too mesmerised by the task at hand, forming his hood mussed hair into a style.Â
When youâre done and his hair is mostly settled - apart from a small cow lick you canât seem to fix - you canât help but run your fingers over the fuzz on the side of his head. Immediately he shivers like a harsh breeze has rolled in, surprising you, but when he snaps his eyes open they donât look annoyed like you worry he is, instead he looks ready to pin you down and take you right there against the wall.
âThat felt very nice,â he said softly, blown out pupils shifting away from you as he straightened.
Youâre not sure what to say, you just smile and bite your lip, keeping your eyes fixed on him. You know rightly that your pupils are just as wide as his, you can practically feel the explosion thatâs going on. You want him.Â
âKönig I⊠I uh-âÂ
Footsteps sounding from nearby, crunching up the leaf littered pavement, interrupt all your thoughts and both of you turn your heads as someone walks up to you both. You hold in a breath, feeling like youâd scream otherwise and watch as a face comes into view from out of the shadows.Â
Mercifully itâs not Ghost or Soap that marches up to you, itâs Gaz.Heâd been the only one not to completely batter the dead âSneaky and König up a treeâ horse. He stops when he sees you both and his eyes widen as he spots König, probably just as shocked as you were when he realised he can see his face. Though, he quickly averts his eyes and looks at you instead, awkwardly shifting his hands in his hoodie pocket.Â
âCaptain said to tell you weâve got an early start tomorrow,â he says looking at you pointedly , âweâve got a briefing at four. Said you best get all the sleep you can.âÂ
âOhâŠdo you know anything about it?â You ask, still feeling a bit breathless from before.
âFrom what I gather, the 141 and KorTac are heading out together, but I donât know much beyond that,â he shrugs.Â
You give a sideways glance to König and watch as he regards you the same way. That meant youâd be working together for the first time. You take a breath and look back at Gaz, finally nodding your head.
âThanks for coming to let me know, Iâll head in in a minute,â you assure him.Â
Gaz nods back curtly and turns on his heel, retreating to the base again and leaving you alone in the only silence. You finally look back at König, only once youâre sure thereâs no one lurking around and looking to catch you with him, and smile softly.Â
âLooks like weâll be working together then,â you laugh awkwardly.
âSeems like it,â he replies, lowering his head. âPerhaps we should listen to the captainâs advice and head in.â
You feel a stab of disappointment tear through your heart immediately. Youâd wanted to resume things from where youâd left off. You wanted to pull back the cloth from his face and kiss him under the stars as if they were watching and you were the only ones there. There were fireworks and sparklers going off in your mind, but now they were being snuffed out as you watched König stand up from your not so secret spot.Â
âCome on, you need your rest,â he insists, holding out his hand.Â
You raise your eyebrows, but put your hand in his and rise as he guides you up. Even with you standing, he towers above you. Itâs especially noticeable as you stand so close to him, almost pressed to his big wide chest. Thereâs a snapping creature in your mind that distantly wishes to jump onto him and kiss him, but you beat the thought back and look away from König instead.
âHey,â he says softly, tilting your head back with his rough gloved fingers. âI want to pick things back up too, butâŠnot before a mission. We can do this again after all that. Yeah?âÂ
You gulp, feeling your spine light on fire with tingles. Did he just acknowledge that things were about to go further there? So he definitely felt the same as youâŠ
âMakes sense,â you murmur, feeling your desperation roll off you in waves.Â
He is speaking sense, but you donât want him to be.Â
âYou can fix my hair for me again when we get back,â he teases, rubbing his finger against your jaw again. âIâm sure it will be very messy.â
âAm I your stylist now?â You smirk, feeling your mood lift.Â
âAmongst other things,â he says, eyes showing the smile that was surely on his lips.Â
You raise your eyebrows and just as youâre about to ask what things, he silences you with what he does next. He leans down and brings his lips to your cheek, and through his mask, kisses you.Â
You freeze in place, your heart thudding like itâll explode and close your eyes. You canât believe what just happened. You laugh a little to yourself - letting loose a giggle and open your eyes, watching as he smiles back at you and gestures his hand back to base.Â
âTo be continued,â you whisper to yourself.
-â -
Next Part Here
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hi! I just wanted to say I think your writing is so good and you seem like a lovely person đ„° Iâm hoping to request a post prison Spencer smut. Basically itâs when heâs just been released and heâs so touch starved and possessive over you? Iâm such a sucker for prison Reid I canât đ
A/N: Nothing hotter than a man who looks like he has been through hell, and dear GOD, is post-Prison Spencer DELECTABLE. Thank you for your request!
Warnings: 18+, minors dni. Penetrative sex, creampie, slight dom/sub themes, use of pet names, spoilers for s12 of Criminal Minds, mentions of prison, mentions of blood/ wounds and injuries sustained in prison.
The seconds ticked down as you waited for the key to be pushed into the lock, the door to swing open and for your life to be put back together. 84 days and you were on edge, almost three months without him.
Your leg shook as you waited, heard the footsteps coming up the hall. You stood, wiping the sweat off your hands and taking a deep breath.
You hadn't been allowed to visit Spencer in prison, his teammates taking priority as they worked to keep him safe, to get him out. You hadn't seen him in three months, though you'd moved yourself into his house to be able to wrap yourself in his scent, haunt yourself with his presence.
He wasn't a ghost anymore, as he opened the door and you found your eyes on Spencer Reid for the first time in too long.
âSpencer,â you voice was pathetically small, as if you didn't trust him to be real anymore. You supposed that was probably justified. Your entire body was on edge as you looked him up and down.
Before, he'd keep himself clean shaved, but you found yourself greatly appreciative of the stubble framing his face. He'd never been the best at taking care of his hair, and now it looked perfectly ready for you to run your hands through. His clothes were still messy and by god did you want to grab the lapels of his jacket and pull him back into you.
âYou're still here,â his voice was nearly as weak as your own, as if he'd not used it for nearly as much as it should've been used. âI know they said you were but⊠god I'm so happy you're still here.â
He took a step closer to you and pulled you towards him. You weren't used to Spencer initiating physical contact like this, his hands strong and certain on your hips as he grabbed you, one hand coming up to the back of your head to cradle it and push you further into him.
You melted into the touch, finally feeling warm after the coldest spring of your life.
âYou can't get rid of me that easily, Spencer.â
âGood,â he said, tilting your head up and not hesitating even one beat before he pushed his lips against yours. His grip was hot as you let out a soft moan into his mouth, taken aback by his sudden affection.
Before prison, you'd been quietly intimate. A soft kiss here and there, and some awkward and tender sex. While you didn't mind your earlier boundaries, you certainly weren't mourning them now, gripping his shirt tighter as his tongue began exploring you. You'd been happy just to be in his presence before, but now you needed to be so close that you could no longer find where his body stopped and yours started.
When you lifted your leg, he instantly took your hint and pulled you up, holding you in his arms as you wrapped your legs around his waist.
Not breaking from your kiss for longer than a breath, he dropped everything to carry you back to the bedroom.
â84 days.â You gasped between kisses as he dropped you on the bed, falling down with you as he moved his attention to your neck, your chest, your bared throat.
A growl was all the reply he had to that, knowing instantly what you were talking about, but needing to feel you more, to pull comfort from the warmth of your body.
â84 days and I thought with each of them that I would never do it again. You're never leaving me again, I wouldn't survive. I'd refuse.â
â84 days, 7 hours, 23 minutes. Every lone moment thinking about this and you, and being here again,â he said, pulling back again to stare directly at your bared soul.
âI need to feel you now, Y/N. Please, be a good girl and let me.â
If you could will your own clothes away, you would've at that moment, already aware of the mounting pleasure pooling between your legs.
Instead, Spencer handled it for you, tearing where he couldn't unbutton fast enough, divesting you of shirt and skirt and beginning to work your underwear slowly down your legs. At the same time, you pushed yourself up, scrambling to unbutton his own shirt, moaning in frustration as you struggled to get it pushed off his shoulders.
âSpencer, clothes off, now,â you begged, and he finally paused for a second.
âI'm different. Not a lot, but there are someâŠwounds. Don't be alarmed.â
âSpencer, if you think a few cuts and bruises are going to dampen the absolute desire I have burning for you, you are dumber than I thought.â Taking his momentary surprise to your advantage, you pushed him up and straddled his lap, sitting together with him as you rid him of his clothes.
You traced hands over every ridge of his skin, trying to document every change and appreciate every line. Tracing your way downward, you let your hand disappear into his lap as you looked up at him again, catching his eye as your fingers unbuttoned his pants.
His hand stroked lazily across your cunt but his eyes locked with yours and you found yourself aching with a need for him.
Before, he'd been thorough about foreplay, making sure you were absolutely ready for him, ensuring your pleasure and bringing you to climax before he even palmed himself through his pants.
It was generous, and everything you didn't want right now. You needed him to get everything he'd missed, needed to see him relaxed, pleasured, sunk deep inside of you and losing himself with each stroke.
You softly pressed a kiss to his lips, releasing him from his pants. A few strokes was enough to have him at full mast, and in another moment you were pushing yourself up on your knees and sinking back down.
Three months and you'd almost forgotten how perfectly he filled you, steadying yourself with hands on his shoulders as you bit back a whorish moan.
âGood girl, just like I rememberâŠâ his words came out slurred, as of he were drunk on the feeling of you, intoxicated as you began rocking your hips up and down his length.
âI'm better than you remembered,â you mumbled, stroking the small soft curls at the base of his neck. It was ridiculous being jealous of your past self, but god did you want to grab the you of January and shake her within an inch of her life.
You'd tell her to grab Spencer Reid and never let him go, to make him spend his entire life filling you up, to pleasure him until he hadn't a single thought of going anywhere.
You kept up your pace, riding him at an even pace, making sure to lower yourself down as far as you could manage without becoming a moaning mess, but soon the pleasure became overwhelming.
Spencer kept one hand working over your clit, and you had to resist falling apart in his hands, determined to pleasure him before you thought of taking that same ecstasy for yourself.
âIt's okay, Y/N, you can let go. I know how long you've waited for this,â his words were soft but his tone was demanding, ordering you to cum on his cock. He lifted his hips slightly, grabbing your hips in his hand as he took charge of the pace and strength of your thrusts, going harder and faster than you'd been able to manage.
You loathed to give up control, bit your body betrayed you, thighs shaking as you gave into his wishes, cumt clenching around him as you rode out your orgasm.
âThat's it, nice and tight for me.â He grunted the words into your ear as he really took control. Tipping you until you were again flat on your back, he lifted his hips up and let his pace speed up, rutting into you deeply as he breathed in your scent, head buried in your hair, arms tight around your waist.
You moaned for him, knowing he loved every sound that passed your lips, knowing that he craved the knowledge of your pleasure.
He, too, didn't hold back. His voice filled your ear, filling your brain with every fantasy, every memory of you that had kept him alive for 84 days of hell.
Each story was lustier than the last, your mouth dropping open in a moan as you, too, imagined him in each of the scenarios he'd spent time on in prison.
You across his desk, his head between your legs in the morning, you in his cell, him inside you in public, the red scratches your nails dragged against his skin that had been commented on in the showers.
You'd guided his through 84 days of hell, and you were finally embracing him on the other side.
âY/N, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna- shit.â
To your surprise, he didn't pull out as he usually would, but instead slammed himself deeper as he began releasing string after string of his sperm into you.
âShit. I'm sorry I should've asked if that wasâŠâ
âI don't care. Just next time, make sure you do that again.â The feeling of his cum inside you was enough to push your body over the edge once again, and you panted as the aftershocks continued milking his cock.
âI missed you.â He whispered, pushing a few stray hairs behind your ear as he stared at you with all the love in the world.
âI missed you more.â You whispered back, and you meant it.
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miss you (b.c)
i found this picture of channie, and i instantly had to write a short blurb on it. he's so handsome đ„č i hope you guys like it đ©·
feedback is greatly appreciated đ„°
~
You step off of the elevator, dragging your suitcase behind you. You're feeling really giddy, ecstatic to be seeing your boyfriend for the first time in seven months.
Chan and the rest of the members have been on their second Maniac tour. It was nearing the end when you decided to surprise Chan with a visit.
All the members knew about your arrival, feeling thankful that they're helping you out. You read the number on the key card, making sure not to end up at some random person's door.
Felix sent you a text telling you that Chan is expecting him so he won't bat an eye when the door opens up. You giggle to yourself, biting on your lip as you get closer to his hotel room.
You stop in front of the room, staring at the keypad for a few seconds. You place the plastic card against the sensor, hearing the locking mechanism. You turn the handle on the door, opening it up slowly.
Your boyfriend of four years sits at the desk, headphones snugly fitted to his ears while holding a microphone. His singing voice echoes off of the walls as you quietly shut the door behind you.
After setting your luggage to the side, you step further into the room. Chan's singing stops, and his gaze moves from his phone to the laptop in front of him.
âFinally, Felix,â he laughs, setting the microphone to the side. âI thought you'd be here half an hour ago.â
You chuckle silently, not wanting to give yourself away just yet. You hum in a deep voice, pressing your lips together while standing behind him.
You rest your hands on his shoulders, gently massaging them. âHey, has Y/N messaged you at all?â He suddenly asks, keeping his eyes on his work.
âWhy? Did you miss me?â You ask him, whispering into his ear.
Chan jumps in his chair, causing you to fling back quickly. Giggles come from your lips as he stands up from the chair, whipping his head around to look at you.
âYou're here?!â He asks, reaching his hands out to you.
âI'm here,â you whisper as tears begin to pool in your eyes. âI've missed you.â
He lets out a cute giggle and brings you into his arms. You wrap your arms around his neck as his snake around your waist. âI missed you too, baby,â Chan whispers in your ear, hugging you tightly.
The room is silent as the two of you stay in each other's arms. Your fingers gently comb through his hair, feeling his gliding up and down your back.
âIt's been too long,â he huffs into your shoulder, pressing your chest further into his.
You giggle and nod your head, leaning it back so you can look at him. âIt's also been too long since I've tasted your lips,â you flirt with him, combing his hair back.
âHehe, yeah?â Chan giggles, grinning like a fool in love. âWell, I guess you should taste them then.â
You can't help but giggle again. âI guess I should,â you smirk before kissing him.
His hand grips your waist while tilting his head to the side, deepening your first kiss in seven months. You hum into the kiss, your fingers trailing along his jawline.
Chan breaks away from you, letting out a couple of heavy pants before reconnecting your lips. He takes a step towards you, making you take a step back.
A gasp comes from you when the back of your knees hits the mattress, losing your balance. He hovers over you, gently pushing you to lay on your back.
âI suppose Felix coming here was a cover up for you to come in,â he whispers before planting kisses on your face.
âIt was,â you laugh, slipping your hands beneath the robe he's wearing.
He nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, kissing, biting, and sucking on your skin. âWhich means they know you're here,â Chan mentions, marking up your neck. âWhich means I can reminisce with you all night long.â
~
tagging: @strawboorybunny @reddesert-healourblues @spacegirlstuff @moon0fthenight @foxinnie8 @like-a-diamondinthesky @prettymiye0n
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GameStop
Summary: Mall Rats 4! (Can be read alone or, catch up with the mallrats in my masterlist) Joel tells you not to fuck with the Nintendo he stole from GameStop. His one rule. You fuck with it. Thatâs okay, though. Joel makes you play Mario with his fingers knuckle deep inside you.
Warnings: JOEL IS WEARING GRAY SWEATPANTS THIS IS NOT A FUCKING DRILLđšâŒïž fingering, teasing, edging, orgasm denial blowjobs, unprotected piv, creampie, jjoel is so tender and such a dick, arguing, inglewood up to no good, domestic moments, minor injuries, when will these two fucking kiss!?? Idk
W/C: 4.6k
A/N: thank you very much @papipascalispunk i appreciate you taking the time to edit this. I love you so much. did you know that? And everyone else, do you know how much I love yâall for reading and engaging? I do. In case you didnât know already đ„°
Joel stands in front of your house early afternoon on Saturday, a box of cords and plastic in one hand as he urgently knocks on your door, âOpen up,â he barks, âThis shitâs heavy.â
âFuck,â you groan, walking up to your front door wearing nothing but an ill-fitting t-shirt and some old boxers. You can see Joel waiting impatiently through the window. You open the door and squint at Joel, the daylight too bright for your eyes, âWhat do you want, Joel?â
âNeed to use your TV,â he demands, stepping inside your home and placing a hand on your hip to move you aside, âMove.âÂ
âWhy?â, you resist.
Joel motions toward his box with an annoyed expression on his face and your eyes light up. âOh yeah,â you say, leading Joel to your living room where he sits in front of your old and boxy television, flipping up panels and tinkering with buttons before plugging in cords, âCan I play too? Will you show me how?â
âIf you listen to me, maybe,â Joel mumbles as heâs setting up the console before turning to you, âAre you gonna be good and listen to me?â
âOf course not,â you smirk.
âFigures.â
You didnât listen yesterday, either. You never do.Â
-
Something had caught your eye and you went ahead of Joel, something he absolutely hates. He tells you your place is next to him or behind him. He leads. You follow.
âWould you quit fuckinâ wanderinâ, Inglewood?â, Joel hissed at you in the second level of the mall, âI give ya an inch, ya take a mile.â
You rolled your eyes, âWhy do you call me that?â
âCause youâre always up to no good.âÂ
âI donât understand that reference.â
âI know you donât,â Joel sighed.
An odd clicking noise startled you both. It wasnât quite that signature sound of a clicker, but it was enough to set you both off. You turned to Joel with wide eyes, and he reflexively pulled you close, one hand over your mouth and his other arm wrapped around your waist. Behind me, he mouthed.Â
You nodded and took your place behind Joel, heart pounding in your chest. He walked forward slowly before stopping, pulling out his gun and his flashlight. In front of him was a dark silhouetted figure, something he couldnât quite make out. It stood in front of a store with a broken sign, white and red glass lettering shattered. As he tiptoed closer with you following close behind, his eyes began to piece more things together. The figure was unmoving, and upon closer inspection it looked to be wearing almostâŠtactical gear? Was it FEDRA? He wondered what the clicking noise was. Probably just the mall deteriorating. If there were infected in the mall, they would have shown themselves by this point.
The figure stayed still, unmoving. Finally, Joel saw it. On the figureâs chest read, âCall of Duty: Out October 29, 2003â. Joel let out a breath of relief and put his gun down, âFalse alarm,â he said. âWait.â
âWhat is it, Joel?â, you asked as he took quick steps toward the unmarked store. âOh, fuck yeah,â he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice, âGet your ass over here. Follow me. First good thing in this godforsaken mall. Do you know what this is?â
âYou know I donât know what this is.â
Joel explained that it was a GameStop. They used to sell video games and stuff, had all sorts of fun things. He looked like a kid in a candy shop, stealing consoles and cartridges and gushing about how much he loved these games long ago.Â
When you and Joel had returned from the mall, he practically sprinted into Ellieâs room, setting up their shared TV with a PlayStation and introducing her to some games. Ellie was ecstatic, and Joel knew she and the TV would be inseparable.Â
-
Which leads him here, to your house, in front of your TV.Â
âSo I take it Ellieâs excited about the games and stuff you got her?â, you ask amused.
Joel fumbles with a controller to a Nintendo Entertainment System. âBig time,â he says. âTheyâre attached at the hip. So Iâm commandeering your TV for today.â
âYou couldâve asked, you know,â you tease, âI wouldâve given it to you, asshole.â
âDonât need you to give me nothinâ. Just here to use your TV for a bit,â as he draws the curtains in your room, turns on your TV and adjusts the input, then sits back on your couch, legs outstretched on your coffee table, âItâs more fun when I take it from ya, anyway.â
You wonder if Joel gets physically ill at the thought of being polite, being kind to you. Nothingâs ever easy with him. Heâs always ready to argue, ready to instigate. You roll your eyes, then leave Joel to take a shower and get dressed. Youâre not sure what you were planning on doing on this Saturday, but video games with Joel seems to be your fate.Â
By the time you have showered, Joel has already been playing for nearly 2 hours. You dress yourself in some comfy sweatpants and a hoodie, expecting to hunker down in front of the TV with Joel all day. You can hear the soft music from the video game from your room and Joelâs strings of expletives, or his cheers, depending on whatâs happening in the game. You make a couple of sandwiches, some sliced apples, and pour a couple of glasses of water before you greet Joel in the living room. Standing in front of the TV, you watch as Joel tries to continue playing. Thereâs a little guy wearing a red hat, jumping over blocks and stomping on mushrooms. He makes a cute little âboingâ noise when he jumps, and the music playing in the background is playful, melodic.Â
âSweetheart, yâmake a better door than a window. Get out of the way,â he gruffs. Joelâs got some fucking nerve today. He could have just kindly asked you to move. Tauntingly, you wiggle your ass in front of him, so he reaches over the coffee table and smacks it, âWhatâd I say about listening? Do you wanna play the game or not?â With Joelâs eyes still transfixed on the TV in front of you, you sit down next to him and place your two plates on the coffee table. âEveryday itâs somethinâ with you. Always tryinâ to get under my skin, always-â, Joelâs voice trails off as he glances at his plate, âDid you make me a sandwich?âÂ
You shrug, âYouâre extra cranky today. Figured you could use a snack.â
âIâm not cranky,â Joel argues, âAnd I donât need you makinâ me any snacks. Can make my own food.â
âOkay,â you say, eating your own food, âYou donât have to eat if you donât want to. Iâm not gonna shove it down your throat.â
Joel stays focused on his game until he hears the crunch of you biting into a slice of apple. âWait, are those apple slices?â, he asks in a low tone.Â
âMhm.â
âYou didnât happen to cut any up for me, did you?â
âI did. Sprinkled cinnamon and sugar on top,â you smile proudly.
You watch Joel grumble to himself and play the game silently until he beats the level heâs on, then he pauses the game and sets his controller down. He picks up his plate of food and eats a couple of apple slices before inspecting his sandwich, âDid you poison this?â
âNo, not the sandwich. The apples, yes. Donât you taste the rat poison?âÂ
Joel rolls his eyes and takes a bite of his sandwich, âGonna have to try harder than that, sweetheart. Up the dose next time. Tasty sandwich, though.â
âNoted,â you smile. Joel smiles too, almost imperceptibly, but you see it, the sparkle in his eyes and the way his face lit up when you told him you sliced up some apples for him too.Â
âTell me about your game.â
Joel raises an eyebrow, âItâs Mario. You donât know Mario?â, and you shake your head no. âJesusâŠyou age me,â Joel takes another bite of his sandwich before continuing, âMarioâs a video game. Super Mario Brothers. He has a brother, Luigi. Theyâre plumbers and they fight Bowser to save Princess Peach. So thatâs what Iâm doinâ here,â Joel motions to the TV, âSavinâ Peach. Eventually.â
âIs it hard?â, you ask.Â
âKinda. Havenât played in forever. But Tommy and Iâd play all the time. Were always fightinâ over the damn Nintendo,â Joel chuckles, âDrove Mom fuckinâ nuts.â
âMaybe we should invite him over then,â you muse.Â
âNah,â Joel says, âJust me and you today.â
You smile, âJust us?âÂ
Joel nods, finishing the last of his sandwich and his apple slices, âUnfortunately.â He stretches his legs and his arms out long, then rubs his soft belly with a groan. âYouâre trouble,â he tells you, âTrynaâ make me fat. Iâm gonna go home and change into something cozier - jeans are fuckinâ tight.âÂ
âBet I could make them tighter,â you bite your lip and nudge his thigh.Â
âThatâs a nice offer. Youâre a charmer, Inglewood. Maybe later.â You huff as Joel picks up both of your plates and walks them to your kitchen sink, scrubbing and drying each one before pulling on his jacket. He walks back over to where you sit on the couch and points to the TV and his Nintendo, âDo not touch this,â he says, âIt doesnât have a memory card. So if you fuck with it, my progress is gone. Donât unplug nothinâ, donât touch the TV, donâtââ.
âWhat if Iââ.
Joel doesnât let you get another word out, âNope. Donât do that either. Just leave it be, sit pretty and behave yourself. Iâll be back soon.â
You scoff and cross your arms as Joel leaves while staring at the paused screen of Joelâs game, then flicker your eyes lower to the controller Joel left on the coffee table. He didnât say anything about playing the game. Whatâs the worst that could happen?
You reach for the controller and begin messing with the buttons, playing with the D-pad until the screen changes and you press âStart Gameâ.
The game starts. It catches you off guard. You fumble with the buttons until you figure out how to make Mario move, how to make him jump. A couple times you hit an angry looking mushroom and he dies. You snicker to yourself. Figures. Before you know it, youâve passed Level 1-1 and youâre onto Level 1-2.
Level 1-2 comes and goes, and then Joelâs back at your door. You pause the game as he lets himself in. You wear a mischievous smile when you see him in his gray sweats and a t-shirt â your weakness. You can see the outline of his dick in those pants, and it sends a pang of arousal to your core. âWell donât you look handsome,â you purr.Â
âPipe down, horndog,â Joel sits down on the couch next to you. Before he can reach for the controller, you slide your hand over one of his thick thighs and palm his bulge, then slip your hand under the waistband of his pants and play with his cock. He sighs as you stroke him, his sweet sounds getting you all hot and bothered. His cock is thick and warm, half hard and growing harder, but he grabs your wrist and pulls your hand away. âLater,â he reminds you, âCâmon. I know you can wait. I donât have much of the game left to play.â
âOkay,â you mumble. You scoot closer to Joel as he picks up the controller, wrapping your arm around his and resting your head on his bicep. You squeeze your thighs together tightly, trying to relieve some of the pressure at your core. He tries to shake you off of him, but you donât budge. âIâm cold, Joel,â you protest.
âSo get a blanket. I ainât your heater,â he complains, but you feel him relax with your touch, snuggling up to you a little closer like maybe heâs cold too, âGod, you make me nuts.â
You say nothing as Joel reaches for the controller, presses a couple buttons before the game starts again. He starts playing, then squints and furrows his brows. âWoah, woah, woah,â he says, âThis ainât right. What - why - what happened? Did you touch this? Tell me you didnât touch this.â
âI didnât touch it,â you lie.Â
Joel turns to you and glares, âWhat. Did. You. Do.â
âI tried out your game,â Joel continues glaring at you and you raise your arms in surrender, âWhat?â
Joel cups your cheeks in both of his big hands and shakes your head gently, âWhy would you do that?âÂ
âYou told me not to unplug anything. I didnât unplug anything.â
âI also told you not to touch anything,â Joel groans, âDo you know how long it took me to beat those levels?â
âJust pick up where you left off, Joel.â
âI told ya, it doesn't work like that. No memory card, no progress. I have to start over now,â Joel whines, âWhy donât you ever listen to me?â
âBeats me,â you say, âButââ, you take one of Joelâs hands from his controller and suck his fingers before slipping it under the waistband of your sweatpants, âNow we can get down to brass tacks. Hmm?â
âOne rule,â Joel hisses as cups your mound, âI gave you one fuckinâ rule.â
âYeah, yeah, I know. But now that youâre not playing Mario anymore, you can make me come. And then Iâll make you come. And youâll forget you were ever mad at me.â
Joel sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose before turning to you, his eyes now mischievously lit up. âYouâre right,â he says, âIâm not playing Mario anymore. You are.â He places the controller in your hands, âI told you I wanted to beat the game, and mayb then Iâd fuck ya. So now youâre gonna get me back to where I was so Iâll finish up the game, and maybe, maybe after that, Iâll fuck you. Cause Iâm not doinâ all of this again. Iâve got other games I wanna play too.â
âPiece of cake,â you reply confidently. Though really, playing Mario is harder than it looks.
âOh, really? Is it that easy?â, Joel says, raising his eyebrows in amusement at your confidence as you nod, âIf ya say so. I thought you said itâs harder than it looks. Whatever. Go on, then.â Situating yourself next to Joel, you adjust your grip on the controller. Joelâs hand is still beneath your pants, fingers resting against your lips. You look at him, wondering if heâll pull his hand away. âYou put it there,â he says. âItâs stayinâ.â
Whatever. You start the game feeling confident in yourself, and then Mario hits a mushroom and he shrinks. And then he hits another mushroom, and he dies. Joel hums in amusement and you shove your elbow into his side. âI didnât say anything,â he smirks.
It takes you about ten minutes to get the hang of it, but eventually you do. When you start a new level, Joel presses two of his fingers against your pussy and it startles you. Mario hits a turtle and he shrinks again. âJoel,â you gasp, âWhat are you doing?â
Dragging his fingers up and down your folds at a leisurely pace, Joel shrugs, âNothinâ.â Heâs definitely not doing ânothingâ. Itâs getting harder to focus now, and youâre making mistakes, getting hit by enemies, missing those little mushroom power ups that come at you every so often. You huff in frustration, and Joel chuckles to himself, âYou suck, sweetheart.â
âShut up, Joel.â
He presses the tip of his middle finger against your entrance, pushes inside before pulling his finger back out and dragging it up to your clit, smirking when your breath hitches in your throat, âDo you need some help? Pointers, maybe?â
âNo,â you grit, âShut up, Joel.â
âHmm, alright,â he hums, his thick fingers now circling your sensitive bud. You can feel his intense gaze on you as you play the game, squashing Marioâs enemies to the best of your ability, but you were right the first time, itâs harder than it looks. Joel turns his attention back to the TV, âHit that box with the question mark.â You raise your eyebrow in suspicion. Itâs probably a trap. With Joel, itâs always a trap. âWatch what happens,â he instructs, so you hit the box and a flower emerges. Joel tells you to jump on it, so you do. Warily, though. Mario changes outfits. âThere you go. Now if you press B,â he taps the other button on the controller, âYou can shoot those guys with a fireball. Try it out.âÂ
Mario does in fact shoot fireballs at the enemies. This advantage makes the game come along smoother, so Joel ups the ante, drawing tight circles into your clit. âJoel,â you moan, âQuit it. Youâre distracting me.â
âThought you wanted me to make you come,â Joel taunts.
âI do, but not like thiâfuckâJoel, stop.â
âTough luck,â Joel responds, âBeggars canât be choosers.â
You do your best to ignore the sensation of Joel touching you, but itâs hard. He knows exactly where to touch you, how to touch you to make you squirm and moan for him. You have to fight yourself to keep your eyes from rolling back when Joel pushes two fingers inside you, pumping them in and out for a moment before abruptly curling them upward, hitting that sweet spot he knows and loves. âJesus, Joel,â you moan, accidentally pressing the lower end of the D-pad. On the TV, Mario slides down a pipe and is brought to a new area. Heâs able to run across the top of the screen, then finds an area with a bunch of pipes called the Warp Zone. This changes the game. Youâre able to skip levels, making this whole thing go by even quicker. Youâll be on your way to fuck town in no time.
âWas wonderinâ when you were gonna figure that out,â Joel rubs his thumb over your clit as he fucks you with his two middle and ring fingers. Youâre able to find a couple more pipes that allow you to go to Warp Zones, which doesnât require quite as much focus on the screen. You allow yourself to savor the way Joel touches you, that warmth building up in the pit of your stomach.Â
âFuck, donât stop,â you moan. That familiar edge begins to creep up just as youâre finishing another level. Your breathing quickens, your pussy dripping and gushing with every movement of Joelâs thick fingers. âDonât stop, donât stop, donâtââ.
âThanks sweetheart. That was a big help,â Joel yanks the controller from you with his free hand, then pulls the other away from your core. Now that youâve gotten him to where he left off in the game, he focuses all of his attention on the TV, as if he was never touching you.Â
âAre you serious?â, youâre in disbelief but Joel doesnât answer, âJoel, I was about toââ.
âI know.â
You scoff, âFuck you, man.â
âYeah, I know you wanna. But I told you, you gotta wait til Iâm done. Youâre very forgetful, you know that?â
Frustrated, you shove your hand under your sweats and pick up where Joel left off. He clears his throat, âYou can play with your pussy, or I can. Pick one but weâre not doinâ both. Itâs up to you.âÂ
Jesus fucking Christ. This is bullshit. Joel can take control of your TV, but not your pleasure. You watch him in astonishment, how he pays you no mind as he plays the game. His eyes are glazed over and his lips slightly parted, deep in focus. Itâs like youâre not even there. You lower your eyes from his face to his lap where his fingers move deftly, still slick and shiny with your juices. His thumbs dart back and forth over the D-pad and the buttons, and you wish he was still touching you like that. Expertly, with dedication and precision. And then it catches your eye â the tent in his sweatpants, that little spot of dampness where his head rests against the fabric. Heâs fucking rock hard from playing with you, leaking precome. Youâre impressed with Joelâs ability to ignore his own arousal. Good for him. You, however, wonât ignore it.Â
In a swift maneuver, too quick for Joel to even process, you pull down his sweats and let his cock spring free, setting the waistband under his heavy balls. You donât even think, you just do it â lifting up his arm, you dive under and grip the base of his cock. You guide his tip to your mouth, swirling your tongue around his swollen head before letting it part your lips. Joel groans, âThink you can play dirty too, huh?â
âMhm,â you mumble against him.Â
âKnock yourself out,â he tells you, âYouâre forgettinâ I have something you donât â self control, my darlinâ.â
You donât care. This is more for you than it is for him, anyway. You havenât gotten to taste him yet and itâs been on your mind. He tastes heady, salty, and slightly sweaty on your tongue. Heâs warm and thick, you like the way his cock feels in your mouth. His smooth skin, how he squirms when you slide his cock to the back of your throat.Â
Joel groans as you work his shaft, one hand gripping his base, the other fondling his balls. You hum against him, sending vibrations down his shaft. He rests the sides of his hands on your head as he plays with the controller, pushing you further down on his cock. âLast level,â he tells you. You suck him mindlessly as he plays, listening to Joel hissing expletives. You smirk with him in your mouth knowing which of his curses are directed at you and which are directed at the TV.Â
Joelâs cock stiffens and twitches, heâs getting closer. You know it and so does he. âYou know,â he says in a soft, warning tone, âIf ya make me come, youâre shit outta luck. Canât fuck you.â
Oh, shit. You werenât even thinking about that. You pull your mouth off of him instantaneously, smacking your head against his controller and sending it flying out of his hands. âFuck,â Joel barks.Â
The controller lands upside down on the corner of your coffee table, the buttons hitting the edge just so, and Joel watches in horror as Mario disappears from the TV and is replaced by the main menu.Â
You rub your head where you hit it on the controller, but Joel is no longer staring at the TV in disbelief. Instead, heâs looking at you. âShit. Iâm sorry, Joel,â you apologize, âI didnât mean to do that. Iâm really sorry.â
You expect Joel to be angry like usual, but he instead pulls your hand away from your scalp, lowers you so he can check the area you hit and give it a kiss, then lifts your chin back up while rubbing your bump. âIt was an accident,â he speaks soothingly, âMario can wait. Are you hurting?â
âNot terribly,â you tell him. And itâs the truth.Â
âNo? You sure?â You shake your head no and Joel nods. He rubs your head for a little bit longer, his big brown eyes are soft and sweet and worrisome. The kindest heâs ever looked at you, kindest heâs ever been to you. And all you had to do was smack your head on his video game. He holds your chin with his thumb and forefinger, then pulls you close and whispers quietly, âWould you still like me to fuck you? We donât have to if youâre not up for it anymore.âÂ
You grin and nod your head, âYes, please. I want it.â
âGet your ass over here, then,â Joel says as he lifts your hips and pulls your pants off, then pulls his own further down his thighs. He guides you to straddle his lap, holding his cock loosely between his middle and index fingers and his thumb. He drags his tip through your folds, then notches himself at your entrance before pulling your hips down, burying himself in you all the way to the hilt.Â
You grip his shoulders and press your forehead to his own, sighing softly as you get adjusted to his girth. âI missed your cock,â you breathe, âMissed it so much.â
âI know you did, sweetheart. I missed you too.â
When youâve adjusted, you begin to roll your hips, rubbing your clit against that soft patch of hair at the base of his cock, moaning and grunting softly, âOh, Joel. Feels good.â
âI know it does,â he sighs as he leans forward to lift up your shirt and pulls it off of your body, then takes off his own, âThatâs better.â He runs his thumbs over the soft curve of your tummy, then slides his hands up your rib cage before cupping your breasts, twisting and rolling your nipples.Â
The way he looks at you makes your cheeks feel hot. You lean forward to hide your face, grinding your hips into him. He holds you close to his body with his hands wrapping around your back before gripping your ass and bouncing you up and down on him, stretching and parting your insides. You allow yourself to rest against him, letting him do the work and take care of you. His cock feels incredible. So thick, so hard, hitting against all of your favorite spots. âSo good, takinâ me so good, sweetheart,â he praises, âYa always do.â
Joel squeezes your ass tighter. He can see your reflection in the TV, loving the way your body moves, how you tremble, how you rock your hips, how you whimper his name. Itâs all for him. âWanna, fuck,â he sighs, snaking his hand between your bodies as he finds your clit with his fingertips, rubbing circles around it, âWanna make you come on my cock. Make those pretty noises for me.â
With Joelâs cock hitting you right where you need him, his fingers playing with your clit, itâs not long before your orgasm approaches. âRight there, Joel. Like that, just like that,â you moan breathlessly, âIâm gonna come for you.â
âYeah, gimme a good one,â he says. He fucks you expertly, each of his thrusts deep and intentional. Itâs all for you. He just wants to watch you come, hear you moan his name, feel you soak his cock. Your breaths quicken and your moans quiet as you near your climax, and you come with loud cries and moans. Joel pulls you close, fucking you through it as wave after wave of pleasure washes over you. âFuck,â he hisses rocking his hips into you once, twice, three more times before he comes with a groan, painting your insides with rope after rope of his hot seed.Â
You fall forward, resting your face against the couch as you both catch your breath. He rests his head next to you, looking deep into your eyes before flicking his gaze to your lips, then back up to your eyes. You stare at his lips too.
âYour head still okay?â he asks, âSmacked it real good.â
âThink so.â
âGonna keep an eye on it anyway,â Joel whispers, âWhat am I gonna do with you, Inglewood, hmm?â, bringing his hand to your face and rubbing your cheekbone with his thumb. Youâre still staring at his lips. His pink, pouting lips that have never kissed your own.
âIâm not sure,â you murmur, âWhat do you think?â
Joel runs his thumb along your bottom lip, pulling it down before letting go, âHavenât got a clue.â
Joel leaves you to grab a warm wash rag and clean you up, then helps you back into your clothes. He reaches for the controller and starts up Super Mario Brothers one more time, and you snuggle his bicep like before. This time, he doesnât try to move you.Â
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For bayverse turtles head cannons could you do their kinks, like top 3 or top 5 kinks please if youâre comfortable with that? Also love you and your work! đ„°đ„°đ„°
Long time no see haha I appreciate your patience with me for all this time but here are some of my ideas for them...
I kept most of these gender neutral but there are a few that are gendered a bit more for a female s/o
Warnings: NSFW 18+ ONLY
Leo:
Voyeurism- consensually of course - Leo loves watching you touch yourself, plain and simple. Especially when the two of you first started being intimate. It showed him all the ways you like to be touched, showed him what feels the best to you. The further the two of you go into your relationship, it turns more into him simply loving the way pleasure looks on you. It doesnât matter if you use your hands or a toy, he loves watching you get yourself ready for him. Â
Tantric Sex - He loves intimacy, and he sees sex as a way of really feeling close to you. And yeah sometimes he needs the relief that a good fuck can give, there are nights when he just wants to feel you. To have you wrapped around him, arms looped around his neck to pull him closer telling him of your adoration for him and him telling you the same. The journey for him can be as satisfying as the destination.Â
Edging - This can go both ways for him, he loves both bringing you to brink before denying you, only to continue building you up before he finally makes you cum. But he also loves to do the same to himself, mostly by pleasing you. Whether itâs with his hand or mouth, youâll notice him slowly stroke himself, never fully giving into his own pleasure until he absolutely canât take it anymore. He loves to make that high even more intense when he finally chases it.
Bondage - This guy loves control. He also loves this because it shows how much trust you put in him. He sees it as its own unique form of intimacy, to allow him to tie your wrists above your head and to know that he wouldnât do anything but please you. Afterwards, he always feels closer to you knowing how deep the trust runs between the two of you.
Heels - Iâve always thought he is a fan of legs. Doesnât matter how thick or thin, short or long, he loves legs. Which is part of the reason he loves to see you in heels so much. They just bring out your legs in a way that drives this poor guy insane. He also secretly loves the sound of heels against the floor
Raph:
Biting/Giving Hickies - He is obsessed with seeing anything on you that marks you as his. He may not be able to be beside you at all times to keep others away, but a nice hickey on the side of your neck would work just fine. He's possessive
Spanking - Because he is an ass man, expect him to be touching the butt, a lot. He loves watching it jiggle after he smacks it and to feel how soft you are under his hands. He may also spank the kitty, if you're down with that of courseâŠ
Degradation - This will only happen to the extent that you allow it. Though he would never make fun of your body or anything like that. He loves to call you 'his whore' while he's fucking you so good the only thing you can do is agree (there are also times when he would ask for you to say it yourself).
Thigh-fucking - I'm not gonna lie, this man has an obsession with thick thighs. I'm talking cellulite and stretch marks. He loves all of it. This would be used mostly when the two of you start having sex, because let's be real this guy is PACKING so it'll be best to take things slow. He'll lift your legs up to his shoulders, and you'll cross your ankles together and just watch him get off, bonus points if you tell him how sexy he looks while he does it.
Facials - This one can go along with his obsession with giving you hickies, though this one obvisouly is much more private. He just loves the visual of it all, ya know? Staking his claim, basically. He's a possessive guy, and he tries to tone it down outside the bedroom, but he allows it to come through HEAVILY behind closed doors, and this is one of his favorite ways, by having you on your knees in front of him, his cum traced across your mouth ........
Donnie:
Sex Toys - This can span all the way from vibrators to restraints even, when he has the time to go all out with you he will absoluately take advantage of that if you're down. One of his favorites is to use a vibrator on your clit while he fucks you slow, so slow that it drives you isane, but believe that he'll have you taken care of multiple times before the night is over
Overstimulation - So this can go hand in hand with the passage above, he wants to see how much you can take, and all four of them were blessed with a high sex drive, he can go as many times as you need him to honestly. He loves the nights that leave you in a trembling mess underneath him, your nails digging into his skin with tightly you're holding onto him. It also secretly brings a swelling pride to his chest to know that he's capable of bringing you there
Phone Sex/Nudes - Let's be real this guy gets busy; there are times where he can't see you in person but trust that he won't let that complicate things too much; he loves to hear you say the filthy things you want him to do next time he's with you as he strokes himself, legs spread wide. If you were also comfortable with sending him pictures he would be ALL over that; even has a seperate folder for them that is heavily locked down
Thigh riding - Imagine sitting on his lap in his desk chair, kissing him as his hands roam up and down your body before they land on your hips, guiding them back and forth but not allowing you to go any faster than he wants you to, all the while he's whispering all the things he wants to do to you while you whimper into his ear, pressure building up higher and higher; yeah, he's a fan of this one
Choking - He'll usually only do this when his focus is completely on you, one hand between your legs while the other is squeezing the sides of your throat. Breath play can intensify an orgasm, and he loves watching it race through you even stronger. There are even times when he's alone that he'll do this for himself but you don't find that out unitl later
Mikey:
Praise - This can go either way for him, honestly. He loves to praise you but loves even more to be praised himself. He needs to know how good he's making you feel, and for you to vocalize that to him would only make him want to go even harder. Complimenting his body especially would drive him insane.
Begging - OOOO boy, this one kills him. He loves hearing you ask for what you want, it helps him feel much more confident in whatever it is the two of you do knowing just how badly you need it; also to hear the person he loves beg him to touch them, kiss them, fuck them, it drives him absolutely inSANE
Massages - His love language is touch, so being able to run his hands over your skin is quite possibly his favorite thing to do anyways, but having you laid out before him, whining the longe rhe goes on, though the both of you know he won't be able to deny you for long...
Face-Sitting - This one I feel a bit self explanatory, this guy is a munch, any possible way you let him eat you out he's going to go for it
Semi-public - A secret part of him loves watching you try to stay quiet even when your on the brink of your orgasm. He also enjoys the risk that's involved with possibly getting caught in the act especially when your legs are on his shoulders and all you can do is whisper broken up words begging him to go harder ahdkashdkjaskdfskj
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The crushing | joel miller x f!reader, 5.2k
Summary: This is the story of a man who had everything in the palm of his hand and traded it all for an empty space in the hollow of his heart.
Or
This story follows Joel, two to three years after he cheated on his wife.
Warnings: 18+ MDNI, ANGST, cheater!Joel, Joel's POV, this is NOT âThe Fallingâ from Joel's POV, brief mention of smut (p i v) but nothing too graphic (I think), self-loathing, depression, therapy, flashbacks and memories from the past, alcohol consumption, Tommy being a supportive brother (eventually), as always let me know if I missed anything!
A/N: Ok, so, Joel gave me a whiplash on this one, he was either staring at me through the screen giving me nothing, or he was mumbling unintelligibly in my ear while I was trying to keep up with him. It started out as a final chapter, but I really think that this part should be Joel's POV and the next and -probably- final one should be the resolving, however that may come. I guess it can be read as a standalone, but if you're interested, it's a sequel to âThe Fallingâ. I edited it seven thousand times because I kept adding things along the way, so I hope it all makes some sense and there are not too many mistakes.. Thank you for taking the time to read anything I write! Love you all! đ„°đ
P.S.: I just wanted to take a moment and let you know that I really appreciate everyone who has read, liked, commented, reblogged and asked about âThe Fallingâ. I honestly didn't think a single soul would take the time to read that kind of story. It means more than you know and I didnât take lightly how close to home this fic hit for some people; yet youâve given it a chance, sharing some of your own experiences with me. I love you all, take care and I'll see you -hopefully- in the comments! đ„čđ«
Dividers by @cafekitsune & @saradika-graphics
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...need your reassurance...
...your only focusâŠ
...for the foreseeable future...
He did make it his sole focus. Because of course, he closed the deal, even after he left that damn table like a madman. He still found a way to get what he wanted. That's the man he was. And he wasn't sure if he hated himself for it or not. But self-loathing was a daily occurrence now, so one more reason added to the list was nothing he couldn't handle.
For two years he would wake up every day, is it called waking up if he doesnât sleep at all?, he would work his ass off, he would go home, he would sink into despair and then he would start all over again the next day. A vicious cycle consisting of 730 days in a row. The deafening silence within the walls of the house was excruciating, the loneliness was unbearable. Even the light penetrating through the windows seemed different than when you were there with him, a dullness surrounding every corner of the now barely lived in space.
You. He hadnât seen your face in 730 days. He hadnât smelled your scent or touched your soft skin. He barely listened to your voice anymore, any form of unavoidable communication, you preferred to be conducted by the lawyers, or via text messages, at the most. At the 731st one, he finally knew, something had to change. He couldnât repeat another day, like all the others that came and went. He simply couldnât.
Tommy suggested that therapy might help Joel, a few times, but he refused every one of them. Maria was keeping her distance, her place was delicate, being his brotherâs wife but also his wifeâs best friend. Surprisingly, she was the one who finally got through to him.
âAre you gonna stay a recluse for the rest of your miserable life, then?â Maria wonders, switching her gaze between Joel and the dining room. Everything was untouched, as you left them when you moved out, but the place felt empty, depressing, probably mirroring Joelâs existence.
Joel sighs, closing his eyes briefly. âIâm not a recluse..â, he snarls through his teeth, rolling his eyes at her. He was more than eager to be done with the dinner his sister-in-law insisted on having in his house and be left alone, in his natural state. Alone. Infuriating woman.
âWhat do you call that?â, Maria persists, goddamn lawyer to the bone.
âWhat?!â Joel spits back pissed off, looking at his brother next, for support.
âThat!â she gestures around his body and his surroundings. âThe way you go on for the past two years! Either get over it or do something about it!â, she doesnât hold back, even when Tommy proposes a gentler approach. Yeah, look where it got you, is the paid answer, so Tommy steps back, shaking his head and raising his hands up in surrender.
âYouâve got him on a leash, hm?â, Joel jokes absentmindedly, âCan you breathe alright, Tommy boy?â, earning himself a hard glare from Maria.
âMaybe the wrong Miller is on a leash..â Maria mutters, causing Tommyâs eyes to widen in horror.
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â, Joel retorts doing a double back at her.
âMeans that freedom is for those who can bear it.â, Maria throws her napkin on her plate and leaves the room. Joel remains silent, pondering the meaning of her words. It would be a long time before he understood what she meant.
Therapy was hard.
Therapy was hard because he had to do it for himself. He had to concentrate on himself. He thought, being the contractor that he was, that he would walk into the room, get the answers he needed and fix his marriage, just as he rearranged the bricks and the wood and the steel on the construction sites.
But this wasnât about his marriage. His marriage and the way it crumbled down was the aftermath, he came to learn. It was the outcome of insecurities, selfishness, lack of communication, ungratefulness.
He got it all wrong. Everything. Every little thing. He had to rewire his brain and change every point of view he was holding onto. Honesty. Honesty was the key.
âWhy didnât you reach out to your wife after that night?â, his therapist insists.
âI respected her boundaries.â, Joel was quick to respond.
âAnd what were those?â
âShe didnât want to see me.â
âDid she say that?â
âNo-, I mean-, the way she left that night, she didnât say much in general. But she blocked my number, so.â, he shrugs in defence.
âSo, how can you be so sure that she didn't want to see you? Even if you're right, it doesn't mean that she didn't expect a reaction from you, or that you weren't allowed to try, if thatâs what you wanted.â
âWhy would she? I upset her, she needed time to think, work things out.â, Joel explains.
The therapist swipes her fingers over her lips, contemplating her approach. âJoel, you walk into your bedroom, into what is supposed to be a safe place and you see your partner with another person in an intimate moment. How does that make you feel? Just say the first words that come to mind.â, his therapist changes the point of view.
Joel shudders just at the thought of it. You, naked, flushed, lips parted and swollen, skin sweaty, breaths short and pupils blown wide, coming for anyone other than him. It would utterly destroy him. âFurious, pissed, betrayed, heartbroken.. I think I would lose it, if Iâm honest.â he admits instantly, in his haste to throw the abomination of this image from his thoughts.
âI see. But in her case, you think your wife was just upset?â
âNo, of course not.â Joel slightly frowns, shaking his head.
âDo you think she felt all those feelings that you just described to me?â
âI believe so, yes.â, god this is so hard.
âYou believe so?â the therapist pushes, again.
Joelâs nostrils flare from the sharp inhale, âI know so.â
âSo, she wasnât just upset.â the therapist concludes and Joel agrees without meeting her eyes, âNo, she wasnât.â
Over time, Joel came to realize that his choice of words was a subconscious attempt to diminish the seriousness of his actions.
âYou said in a previous session that you gave space to your wife to work things out.â
âYeah, it was only fair.â, Joel confirms.
âSo, it was hard for you to give her that space?â
âYes, of course, I missed her every day.â
âWas that a constant in your relationship?â, the therapist wonders.
âIâm sorry, I donât follow.â
âHow did you work things out as a couple, before? I assume you had difficult times as partners, no?â
âNothing major to be honest, my wife was a very calm and reasonable person. If anything occurred she would talk to me about it.â
âAnd how did you respond to that?â
âUh, I was there to listen, we always found a solution together as a couple.â
âHmhm, so, what changed this time?â
âWhat do you mean?â He knew exactly what she meant.
âWhy didnât you talk to her? Communicate with her? Maybe help her see your side of things, like you did before, find your way out of this together, as partners.â his therapist explains. âAnd even before the infidelity, did you let her know that something was bothering you, that you felt differently?â
"I didn't feel differently about my wife. My feelings for her never changed.", he immediately corrects her. "My love for her was never the problem," he confesses and it's the first time since his therapy began that he's shared something so personal, so private.
âBut there was a problem, something was wrong if you felt the need to be intimate with another woman. So, why did you keep that from her?â
Joel opens his mouth already knowing he does not have an answer. Or that he doesn't want to give one. He shakes his head, raising his brows in a silent admission that he canât answer that. Or he won't. His gaze is fixed on a loose thread on the fabric of the couch, his fingers keep picking on it.
âJoel?â
âI- I donât know what you want me to say, I donât know.â he keeps shaking his head. He canât answer that. He won't.
He was so angry when he left the session that day. He was so angry at you. He was angry at your honesty, your clarity, your courage to have a mind of your own and to speak it freely, knowing full well that probably no one else shared the same opinions as you did. That's what he loved most about you, but now he hated it.
âOwn it, Joel. Own what you have done. At least that way it will be worth something. Otherwise it was all for nothing.â
This was one of the last things you said to him on the phone, while he was trying to persuade you to change your mind about the divorce. You were always so brave about those matters. Matters of the heart, of integrity. He remembers you always talking about things that he found admirable but utopian. Easy in theory, hard in practice.
âI need to be able to sleep at night. I need to own my decisions; not because Iâm always right, far from it, but at least I know Iâm being honest with myself. And that matters.â he recalls one of your late-night talks.
You usually found it easier to share your most vulnerable thoughts once you were thoroughly fucked and satiated. When Joel held you in his arms, your breaths almost shared over the same pillow, your scents and your fluids mixed together.
âWeâre all imperfect beings, flawed; we all feel embarrassed when we fuck up,â you continue, âitâs hard to admit our mistakes to others, I get that. But deep down we always know what weâre doing and why weâre doing it. Admitting it only helps us to be present in our lives.â
âBe present?â, Joel seems fascinated by the way your mind weaves your thoughts together into deeply rooted beliefs.
âYes, my love, there's no greater freedom than to live your life truthfully.â you smile at him, softly. Your sleepy eyes roam his face affectionately. Your fingertips caress his jawline, your thumb pressing lightly against the bare patch of his beard. He can feel your devotion pouring from your fingers and sinking into his skin at that moment.
âThatâs one of my greatest fears, you know. Living my life in ignorance, in a lie.â, you whisper your deepest insecurity against his soft lips. His hold on you tightens as he rolls you onto your back, nestling his hips between your welcoming thighs. You are safe in these arms. His arms. You surrender to him, body and soul. You can feel his growing erection pressing between your folds, already wet from your combined releases. He tenderly brushes his lips against yours and slowly licks his way into your parted mouth, as he intertwines his fingers with yours. He enters you in one fluid, slow thrust, his warm exhale cooling your wet lips. âThen let me give you something real.â
Thinking back to those moments, Joel couldn't reconcile himself to the fact that he was the one who had brought that fear of yours to life. What broke him was that it was not a lie. Your life together had not been a lie. He loved you. In fact, he was burning up for you. He was a man of control, but not with you. Never with you. You consumed his every thought; being around you for too long made his lungs constrict in pain, begging for a deep breath. Sometimes he was worried sick that if he completely let himself love you like he needed to, he would suffocate you. He loved you. And it killed him that his actions suggested otherwise.
But at some point he had to be honest with himself. He was just protecting his ego. He was trying to get the upper hand out of a shitty, compromising situation. He wasn't being thoughtful, he was being selfish. He was biding his time. He thought the longer he left âitâ untouched, the less it would hurt when the inevitable time of confrontation came. He was scared out of his mind that he would lose you forever. No second chances, no redemption, no reconciliation.
No lingering scent on his pillow as your hair pools there, under his chin, as you nestle your face between his neck and shoulder, breathing him in. No laughter through the enormous house, damn, why did he build it so big; you never clarified what the disbelief in your eyes meant when he said he built this house for you, while he pulls you up on your feet for a silly cowboy dance.
No more gentle touches, no more noses brushing together as a silent goodbye in the kitchen before you rush off to work. No more turning around just before you open the door to leave, running to him like a little girl, giving him quick, hungry pecks on the lips while he laughs on your mouth, squeezes your butt cheek and slaps it playfully to say goodbye. Later, baby, he would promise you, his teeth nipping at your earlobe and he could feel your skin crawling with anticipation.
No more I love yous, either breathed, either whispered, either panted, as he makes a home for himself inside your warmth.
When did he fuck you last? He used to have you every day. You craved it every day. You craved him. Why did he stop telling you he loved you every chance he got? When was the last time you said it?
A week before that fateful night, when you touched him longingly, aching for him to touch you back and he told you he had work to do, he wasnât a teenager anymore. Why the hell did he say that? Why did he sit there and watch the light fading from your eyes? I love you, you said with a sigh against his temple and walked out of his office defeated. Why did you say that? Did you know? Did you suspect? Why didnât you fight him? You should have said something, anything, pushed him, punched him in the chest, woken him up. Would he have woken up? Or did he need that to come to his senses? Does he have to fall? Does this falling ever stop? Does he have to let you go? Will you come back to him? Does he deserve you?
Days blurred seamlessly into one another. Joel drifted further and further away from everyone. The house haunted him, all the progress he was making within the therapy walls was dissipating once he stepped inside the cold space of his empty house. Leaving the confines of it was his first thought in the morning, while he hurriedly dressed to go to his office far earlier than necessary and his last when he closed his eyes, as he laid his weary limbs on the couch, chasing still your now long gone scent on its fabric, knowing another sleepless night was his only companion until the first rays of sunlight hit the floor-to-ceiling windows to announce the beginning of another day.
People at work tiptoed around him, not knowing how to act. It was as if he was there, but not really. He was focused solely on the Marks project, mechanically going through board meetings, paperwork and supervising the construction site. He. Just. Wasnât. There.
Joel, will you please sign the papers?
He simply stares at the text message for a good full minute, his thumbs hovering over the screen of his phone. This was one of the rare occasions you had initiated communication with him, always about the progress of the divorce.
No, no, I wonât, the little toddler in him screams, stamping his little feet on the ground.
The papers are not ready.
Joel texts back. He keeps it simple, frightened he might not get an answer back.
Joel, we both know they are. I donât want any of your assets or your money; this is an easy signature, please.
An easy signature? You think he cares about the houses, or the cars, or the money?
You know I canât accept that. The house is yours and so is a good part of the money.
The point was to share this house together, Joel, donât you think us splitting up kind of defeats the purpose? And what on earth makes you think I would ever want to go back in there?
So, thereâs nothing I can do to make this easier for you?
Easier? You think money or property can make up for what youâve done?
Of course not, I wasnât implying anything like that. Just wanna do something for you, anything.
Can you turn back time?
Of course, he can't. So, he doesn't know what to say to that. He just keeps staring at the screen, lost in thought. After 2 minutes another text follows.
?
You know I canât..
Sign the papers. Please.
âIs there anything in particular you want to talk about today, or should I take the lead?â
âActually Iâve been thinking a lot about that night.â, Joel suggests for the first time. He usually lets the therapist decide where to steer the conversation, then simply refuses to elaborate until he feels ready to talk.
âWhat about it?â, he shifts his gaze from the window to the direction of her voice.
âI should probably rephrase that. Iâm always thinking about that night, repeating it in my head again and again and Iâm troubled by something I realized.â
His therapist nods to signal that she's listening.
âWhy did she just leave? The more I think about it, the more it doesnât make sense to me. She just left. No shouting, no breaking things, no attacking either me or-â, her. âWhy she didnât stay? Why she didnât insist that I leave? She was just- so quiet.â
The therapist smiles in recognition of Joel's near breakthrough. They were beginning to get somewhere, his empathy nudging him under the surface.
âI'm really glad you mentioned that, Joel, so I'd like to take you back to that night and try to understand what might have been going through your wife's mind at that moment," she explains.
âSo, she walks into the house, finds her safe space violated by her husband, and she chooses to handle the situation calmly and quietly-â Joel tries to stop her, but she already knows what he's going to ask. âI can't tell you why she chose that path, that's for her to answer, only she knows why.â His therapist continues, âShe is making one request of you and one request only, can you tell me what it is?â
âShe asked me to leave the house.â
âHmhm.â the therapist looks at him expectantly.
âI just wanted to talk to her.â, Joel elaborates, âI thought that if I refused to leave, she would accept to listen to me.â
âSo you forced your needs on her, while she was in a particularly fragile state of mind.â
âI should have made my intentions clearer, you mean?â
âI mean, that maybe you shouldnât have had any expectations in the first place. Why do you think was so important to you, to explain yourself right at that moment?â
âBecause I knew it was probably the last time I would see her for a while, I just wanted to ease her pain, why is that so wrong? Should I be indifferent? Would that be better?â
âDid it ever occur to you that you might be depriving her of her right to choose?â Come on, Joel, break some eggs.
Joel now begins to make connections. He rubs his hand over his face, the realization of what has really happened crushing him. âOh, god, I-â He's been so selfish from the start. He hasn't shown you any respect, not even at this delicate moment. He didn't give you a choice as to whether you wanted to listen to him or not. He didn't even let you choose where you wanted to stay. He just made you leave the house. Did he make you believe he wanted you to leave? That he wanted her to stay? Because he didnât. Fuck. â-I never thought about it like that.â
Fuck.
How could he be so blind? Why was he so blind?
His therapist insisted on it. Because no matter how much progress Joel made over the course of a year, he never revealed the true reason behind his infidelity.
âJoel, weâve talked about a lot of things; youâve tried really hard to make this all about your wife and about understanding what she was feeling and how your actions have affected her, but as I keep reminding youâ, she smiles understandingly, âyouâre the one in therapy, you need to heal your wounds before you even attempt to heal hers. And although it is in fact a really noble thought, thisâ she gestures between them, âcan only work if you do it for yourself. I know it may sound selfish, but I promise you, it is not. It is the exact opposite.â
Fuck.
âYeah?â, his voice hoarse from sleep as he answers the door after the insistent knock at it. Tommy looks at him surprised once he opens it, âYouâre sleeping, already?â. No, he wasnât. He wouldnât call it that. But when he goes almost a week without any proper rest, passing out is the right word for what heâs doing. âYeah, I guess I dosed off..â Joel lies. âWhat are you doing here?â
âI came to see you.â Tommy responds as he squeezes himself through the door to enter the house. âYeah, sure, come on in.â, Joel mutters under his breath. âYou just saw me at work this morning, is everything all right?â
âI just came to check on you.â Tommy confesses uncomfortably.
âYou could have called.â
âWould you have answered?â Tommy deadpans.
Touché.
âTell Maria Iâm fine, Tommy, no need to worry about me; go spend the night where it counts.â, Joel replies in an attempt to push him away, as he walks farther into the house, rounding the kitchen island.
âHey, brother, Iâm here, I am here for you.â Tommyâs eyes narrow in pain and concern as he stares at his sibling's back, following behind him.
Joel exhales hard through his nose, his grip tight as he grabs the edges of the counter, his head lowering between his shoulder blades.
âYou shouldnât, nobody should.â Joel sighs, rubbing the pads of his fingers across his forehead.
âOk, thatâs enough.â Tommy snaps at him. âEnough self-loathing, enough resignation. Enough. Youâve punished yourself enough.â
Joel laughs at that. âIs that right? Is it enough for you? What about her?â he asks, his head turned to the side, looking at his brother over his shoulder.
âWhat?â Tommy is genuinely confused.
Joel turns his back, resting his waist on the edge of the counter, now looking straight at Tommy. âI should have what? Just get on with my life? Let it all be water under the bridge? Disrespect her even more?â
âJesus..â Tommy mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, the other resting on his hip, his eyes shut in frustration.
âAre you doing this for her? Does she even know that?â
âIt doesnât matter, Tommy!â Joel raises his voice, exasperated. âIâm not doing this for her, Iâm not doing anything for her, apparently and thatâs the problem.â, his voice breaks, the lump in his throat too big to push down. âSheâs not here anymore, Tommy.â heâs standing fully on his feet now, pushing himself away from the counter, leaning slightly forward, like heâs trying to make his brother understand; his eyes are glazed, Tommy had never seen him so devastated before. âSheâs gone. Iâve lost her.â, his palms clenched in fists in front of his chest, resisting the urge to wrap them around his shirt and rip it to shreds, as he wants to do with his heart.
âI thought therapy was working..â Tommy whispers, his eyes dropping to the floor beneath him.
âOh, itâs working, all right!â Joel chuckles in irony, sniffing his nose. âIâm getting a front-row seat, witnessing what a piece of shit I am-â
âHey!â Tommy tries to cut him off.
â-what on earth was she doing with me to begin with, is beyond me.â
âHEY!â Tommy's eyes bulge out of his sockets, angry at his brother's self-deprecating words. Joel bends his waist forward, puts his elbows on the island in front of him and lets his head sink in again.
âOk.â Tommy breathes deeply to ground himself, his hands in a position of a prayer in front of his mouth, âOk, we could both use a drink.â he realizes, as he moves to open the cupboard to grab two tumblers and the whiskey from the shelf with the drinks. â..or five.â
The two brothers drink their first round in silence, both calming their nerves down. Tommy refills their glasses without asking; he knows this is going to be a long night.
âIâm sorry I wasnât there for you.â Tommy begins, pushing Joelâs drink back towards him. Joel wringles his brows in confusion, âWhat are you talking about? Youâre always there for me.â
âNo, I havenât, not really.â Tommy admits, âI let Maria take over when all this happened and Iâm sorry.â
âThere was nothing you could do, Tommy, donât sweat it.â
âLet me say this, please.â Tommy raises his hand, his palm facing his brother. âI was just- fuck, we all knew how much you loved her, how much you loved each other, so when it all went down, I just didnât know how to deal with it. What to say to you, how to comfort you. I didn't know how to deal with you.â
âYou blamed me.â Joel says matter-of-factly.
âNo-â, Tommy weakly refuses but Joel shakes his head dismissively, interrupting him. âItâs ok, Tommy, you should.â
Tommy looks embarrassed, his cheeks slightly pinkish, not only from the whiskey. âItâs just that I- I couldnât reconcile the image of the man you were with her, with.. you know..â, he stutters.
â..the image of a cheater. Say it.â Joel adds.
Tommy shakes his head, like he still can't believe what's happened. âBesides, while she was staying with us those first few weeks I saw how devastated she was, man- she was a shell of a woman, so I was confused, I didnât know how-â
âTommy. Tommy, itâs fine.â Joel feels his skin crawl visualizing you like that in his head, cutting his brother off once again; he deserves every ounce of mistrust and he knows it.
âNo, itâs not.â Tommy insists. âYes, you fucked up. Brother, you really did. You did a number on her-â, Joelâs body tenses instantly at his brotherâs words, his jaw clenching as his eyes darken, moving down to his hands, his grip on the tumbler tightening, his knuckles turning white and Tommy stops abruptly, âshit, sorry, I didnât mean-â, his face twitches with regret.
âItâs the truth. Thatâs exactly what I did.â Joelâs gaze seems detached as if he's somewhere else right now.
âWhat I meant to say, is that I should have been there for you in spite of what has happened. I can see you're suffering, it's taking its toll on you, it has been for some time now; tell me what I can do. How can I help you?â Tommy seems almost desperate, like heâs the one in need of redemption.
Your text flashes through his mind, can you turn back time?, making him smile bitterly.
âCan you turn back time?â Joel's repeating your question and as the words leave his mouth he can feel your presence next to him. That's the most he felt of you for the last three years. He's almost blissful.
âYou know I can't.â Tommy sighs. Joel laughs earnestly, the irony of the moment too good not to appreciate.
âJoel, brother, please, just talk to me. Help me understand. You act like youâre the one whoâs been cheated on. So, what happened? Why did you do it?â Tommy is pleading with him to give him anything.
Silence fills the room for much longer than either of them would like. Joel feels torn between telling his brother everything or keeping his mouth shut. He wants to tell him, he hasnât told a soul, but heâs not sure he can get the words out. Heâs not sure he can bear to hear the words coming out of his mouth. Heâs not sure he can substantiate it, make it real. Because thatâs how it feels. He talks about it and it becomes real.
But maybe this is the right thing to do. Thatâs what needs to be done. He needs to talk about it. He needs to tell the truth and admit the pain heâs caused. Make it real for you, too. Perhaps it is time for him to give you what is rightfully yours. Acknowledgment.
Joelâs made up his mind. Heâs gonna talk to Tommy. He lifts his glass to down his drink for some liquid courage, freezing his hand in mid-air as the next words fall from his brotherâs mouth. âFirst of all, who was it?â
âWhat?â Joel's eyes search Tommyâs through his glass for an explanation.
âWho did you do?â, Tommy clarifies.
Joel feels like heâs been struck by lightning. âWhat the hell are you talking about?â
âWho did you fuck, Joel?â, Tommy begins to feel confused, are they not on the same page here?
âYou donât know?â, Joel can barely speak now, his voice low in shock.
âNo one does, not even Maria; she never told anyone.â
You told nobody? Not even your best friend? Why on earth would you do that? Did you feel ashamed? Was it just too much to talk about?
But his brain takes pity on him, helping him for once to understand. Heâs connecting the dots while your voice fills the corners of his mind through his memories. His head is swarming with images of you standing in that walk-in closet, remembering what you said the last time he saw you. Youâre the one I married, not her. I expected better from you, Joel, not her.
You were right.
It didnât matter who it was. That is why. He was the one making the choice. He was the one breaking his promises, breaking your trust, breaking your heart; breaking you. He was the one who should have known better. He was the one who should have been honest. Easy in theory, hard in practice.
He feels a fresh wave of pain scattering through his body. He welcomes it. Damn, heâs craving it. Heâs glad you chose to withhold the identity of the woman. Not because somehow itâs making it easier for him to defend himself, on the contrary.
Thereâs no one else to blame. Nobody. Just him. All of the anger, the resentment, the disappointment, all of them on him. He embraces them all. Everything. He will take it all, swallow it down and let it rot inside of him.
Joel tells Tommy everything. Everything, but her name.
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Taglist: @southernbe, @orcasoul, @auteurdelabre
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Rooted in Love
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader (Plant!Dad Bucky and he's beefy!)
Word Count: 1,740
Summary: You and Bucky run into each other (literally) while plant shopping.
Author's Note: So a few days ago a friend shared the amazing art done by @nalonzooo and I immediately fell in love with her plant!dad bucky! Please go check out her page, it will just make you so happy! Her art was the inspo for this story and will be for the rest of this Universe- which I already plan to do more of! Thank you all so much for reading and thank you @nalonzooo for sharing your beautiful work! And thank you to my lovely friends @witchywithwhiskey @vonalyn and @biteofcherry for your support and help! â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïžDivider by the lovely @firefly-graphics thank you Daisy!đ„°
Warnings: Fluffy sweet fluff, plants and Alpine!
You hand the money to the cashier with a smile and gently cradle your new plant to your body before walking off toward the car. Youâre not paying attention to where youâre going because youâre looking down and cooing over your new friend, a spider plant, whom youâve aptly named Spidey.
Suddenly the sun goes out of view and a shadow falls over you just before you walk straight into what feels like a wall.
âOof, shit,â you mutter, juggling your spider plant and thankfully managing to hold on to it. âIâm sorry!â you quickly add, now looking up.
You can barely see the person behind all the green leaves and fronds but you do hear a deep voice say, âno doll, Iâm sorry! I can barely see where Iâm going and should probably have gotten a cart. Are you ok?â
Your giggle escapes without warning but you assure him youâre fine.
âUm, do you want some help? I only have one plant so I can take one or two off your hands.â
He stands there for a moment, clearly contemplating youâre offer. âYou know what, that would be great!â he says finally. âCan you grab the two smaller ones here.â
His body shifts so you can take two plants that are resting precariously on his forearm.
âSure!â
You reach over and carefully take them from him, revealing something you were not at all expecting.Â
Thereâs a fluffy white cat curled up in the crook of his arm, itâs blue eyes peering at you with curiosity.
âOh how cute!â you squeal.
Plant guy chuckles. âThatâs Alpine. Heâs very friendly so you can say hi if you want.â
Your hand immediately shoots out to rub Alpine gently on the head and then scratch behind his ears.
âHeâs so sweet and handsome,â you gush.
After several moments spent doting on Alpine you realize poor plant guy is still standing there holding way too many plants.
âOh shit,â you mumble. âIâm sorry! Youâre totally standing here waiting to go to your car and carrying a whole forest and here I am just petting your cat like itâs nothing.â
âItâs really ok doll,â he says. âI appreciate the help and Alpine loves the attention.â
You try to peek around the large leaves to get a look at this guyâs face but you canât really make out more than a black hat and the outline of a dark shadow of hair lining his sculpted jaw.
But when he says, âmy car is just over here,â and he starts walking to the parking lot you get a better glimpse of the rest of him and canât help the way your breath hitches.
âDamnâŠâ you whisper to yourself.
Heâs tall, with long thick legs and broad shoulders and an ass you already want to grab hold of.
âWell,â he starts. âMy keys are in my back pocket and uhâŠâ
You put the plants youâre holding down onto the pavement and hold out your hands. âHere give me a couple more this way you can free up a hand.â
âGood idea,â he says with a chuckle. âI was about to ask you to reach into my pocket but that wouldnât be appropriate before at least a date right?â Â
You bite your lip to stifle your laugh, thinking that you wouldnât have minded at all.
As you take three more plants from him you get a clear view of his face and you canât help but stare.
Sparkling blue eyes meet yours, framed by long, dark lashes and as your gaze sweeps over the rest of his face you realize heâs literally gorgeous.
âHi,â you say far too breathily. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
âHey doll,â he answers with a megawatt smile but seemingly oblivious to your obvious appreciation as he opens the trunk and starts to place the plants down.
As heâs lightening the load of foliage Alpine starts to crawl up his arm until heâs settled comfortably on his shoulder.
Once his hands are free he extends one to you. âIâm James, but you can call me Bucky.â
âBucky,â you repeat, then give him your name. âHow did you get that from James?â
He huffs out a laugh. âJames Buchanan Barnes is my full name and my family shortened the middle and stuck with it.â
âThat makes sense then,â you say lightly.
âThanks again for the help. Iâd probably still be wandering around the parking lot looking for my car if it werenât for you,â he admits, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink.
âGlad I could help,â you say, meaning it. âYou must have a lot of space for all these.â
You sweep your arm out, motioning to his trunk full of plants.
âYeah, wellâŠI mean sorta. Itâs kinda gettinâ like a Tetris game, but Iâll make it work.â
He looks down at your feet, just now noticing your plant.
âI see you got a spider plant,â he says. âNew plant parent?â
You nod before starting to bend down and pick it up. He stops you with a soft hand to your shoulder. âIâll get it and let me walk you to your car at least.â
He grabs the plant and you see Alpine cling tighter to his shirt and shoulder. A few strands of hair fall loose from his hat and around his ear and when he stands again Alpine starts batting at them.
You cover your mouth, hoping your giggle wonât be heard but Bucky narrows his eyes playfully before explaining, âthis cat is a menace.â
âDoes he behave around all your plants?â you ask. âI bet theyâre fun to bat around.â
You start to walk toward your car which is on the other side of the parking lot, chatting as you go.
âActually, he does. I rescued him when he was just a kitten and started collecting plants around the same time so heâs used to them and knows heâs not allowed to mess around.â
You reach up and give Alpine a soft pat, cooing at him before you continue.
âI really hope I donât kill this one,â you sigh, now glancing over at Spidey. âI love plants but they donât love me.â
âThat was me too,â he tells you. âIt actually took me two spider plants before I got the hang of it. I still feel bad about the first two.â
âThis is my third,â you say quietly, making a face. âThird plant. Not spider plant specifically. But to be fair the first two were definitely not starter plants. I donât know what I was thinkingâŠwell, I do. They were really pretty, with these beautiful flowers- I love flowers- and I wanted them soâŠâ
âI get it doll,â he says, âwe all like pretty things.â
He looks at you, holding your stare and when you smile knowingly you see the pink creep along his cheeks again.
âSo how many plants do you have?â you ask with a smirk.
âUmm,â he says, rubbing the back of his neck. âLetâs seeâŠI mean thereâs the kitchen and thatâs probably one, two, three, fourâŠand then the living roomâŠone, two, three, four, fiveâŠâ he continues on, talking mostly to himself as he counts and lifts his left hand to finish.
You notice heâs wearing a leather glove and when heâs done getting his final count he looks from you to where your eyes are focused.
âSo if Iâm counting right thatâs over twenty-five plants,â he says sheepishly. âAnd uhâŠold war injury.â He twinkles the fingers on his left hand at you with a lopsided smirk.
âA plant connoisseur and a war hero,â you say, hoping your tone comes off as genuine as you mean it. âAnd you have the best cat!â
He brightens at your words and tugs Alpine from his shoulder, cradling him in the crook of his arm. His tight Henley does nothing to hide the bulge of his bicep and the best you can do is try to focus on how cute the cat is so you donât blurt out any of the lascivious thoughts racing through your mind.
âHe is the best cat!â Bucky boasts.
Bucky leans closer to you, as if heâs telling you a deep, dark secret, his voice low. âI have this plant on my balcony that attracts a lot of butterflies and heâs so good that he wonât even try to swat at them. He just sits on my chair and watches them all afternoon! But never goes after one.â
âBest. Cat. Ever.â You proclaim, scratching under Alpineâs chin. âAnd I bet they are beautiful to watch.â
âIf you love flowers youâd love the plants on my balcony!â he says excitedly. âItâs like a rainbow. And I have this indoor desert rose plant thatâs just incredible and my gardeniaâs not only look amazing but they smell amazing too.â
Your smile only grows as he continues chattering on about all his flowering plants but he must realize heâs been rambling because he suddenly trails off and his eyes get wide.
âOh man,â he stammers. âShit, doll. Iâm sorry. That was a lot.â He shifts his weight from foot to foot.
âI donât mind at all,â you tell him honestly. âI think itâs wonderful. Actually, Iâm hoping you can give me some tips to keep Spidey alive.â
You pat the plant pot and then delicately rub one of the long, thin leaves.
âSpidey,â he says with a big smile. âI love that. And I name mine too.â
âPhew,â you say. âThought I was going to be the weird one on that.â
âTell you what,â he says. âIâd love to help you keep Spidey alive but only if you agree to meet me for coffee this weekend.â
You tap your finger to your chin, pretending to think it over. âWhat do you think Alpine?â
The cat blinks at you then meows loudly.
âHe said you should,â Bucky interjects. âThat was definitely a yes.â
âIn that case, definitely a yes,â you say.
âThatâs great doll!â Bucky replies with a grin. âHow about Saturday?â
âSounds perfect.â
After you exchange numbers and agree on a coffee shop between your two apartments you say goodbye.
âThanks again for your help and Iâm really looking forward to our coffee date,â he says, then clamps his mouth shut.
He stares at you with wide eyes again. âI uhâŠI didnât mean dateâŠwhat I meant wasâŠâ
âItâs ok,â you say softly, stepping closer and kissing his cheek. âIâm looking forward to our date too.â
@randomfandompenguin @book-dragon-13 @hiddles-rose @sebstanwhore @goldylions @littleseasiren @kmc1989 @lookiamtrying
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Okay so I have this idea where reader has been taking care of hope for 7 years (Hayley is like dead Marcel killed her or smt) and like in the show Marcel has klaus locked away but when the family rescues him they all come to realise that y/n has built like a whole army of werewolves/vampires just to protect hope. Klaus seeâs how much she loves hope and he has loved y/n for like 12 years and hope notices this and then hope tells him that y/n has cried herself to sleep ever night because of loosing him and then obviously the rest is up to you.
This idea has been in my head for a while so I do hope you write it and if not thank you for whatever you write next đ„°đ„°đ„°đ„°
And also sorry my description was so bad but I forgot to say smut would be greatly appreciated â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïžïżŒ
Family
Y/n had grown up alongside Hayley in the foster care system. They were adopted together and thrown out together. They were loyal to one another no matter the consequences and would follow the other to the ends of the earth.
Y/n hadn't batted an eye at the idea of living with the most dangerous family in the world, if Hayley was going then so would she. She showed her devotion to the unborn Mikaelson and quickly gained the attention and respect of the originals.
Elijah appreciated her love and protective characteristics over her family, Hayley and the baby. Rebekah liked that it didn't matter who said what about her, whether they claimed she was a useless human or nothing more than something to eat, she wouldn't back down form a fight. Klaus had originally thought her to be a little foolish with her confidence and need to help but he found that she knew what she was doing, she was persuasive and intelligent.
When the witches first killed Hayley and took the new born baby, Y/n had pushed aside the grief and the pain from Hayleys death. Niklaus and Elijah could see the horror in her eyes but she told them to get up and find the baby, and they did. Thankfully Hayley returned, as a hybrid, and Hope survived.
Y/n was happy for them to compel her to believe Hope was dead but Klaus interjected and said that he didn't believe it to be necessary. That was when Elijah knew that his brother had placed his trust in Y/n.
The Mikaelson brothers watched as Y/n stayed beside Hayley no matter how much she yelled, screamed, cried, killed. Despite Hope not dying, Hayley still felt the pain of loss. It was easy for her to take it out on Y/n, to bring up her past family and to push at all her buttons but Y/n never gave in. She ignored it even when Klaus and Elijah would get involved, sometimes Hayley would have said something particularly hurtful and one of the brothers would intervene, yelling at Hayley to go calm down and offering some sort of comfort to Y/n but she wouldn't accept it.
There was one occasion when Hayley had bitten Y/n, her humanity was almost gone and she had attacked her bestest friend. Klaus had gone ballistic. Elijah had healed Y/n though she insisted it wasn't that bad while Klaus finally managed to scream some sense into Hayley.
Apologies were made and accepted before finally they were all able to go see Hope.
Y/n hadn't ever had a family, even when she was adopted with Hayley they only took Y/n because Hayley wouldn't go without her. So when Rebekah pulled the camera out for a family photo, Y/n made her way inside but Klaus had noticed and went to get her.
A gentle hand was placed on her shoulder to gain her attention as he guided her back to the others and promised her that she was their family now. Rebekah had been ecstatic and pulled Y/n to her side as Klaus held up the camera and they all smiled.
From then onwards Y/n would bond with Hope more and more. Hayley had sat with her and they had agreed that should anything ever happen to Hayley, that Y/n would never leave Hope alone. There was absolutely no convincing needed with this arrangement.
Over the next year witches, wolves and vampires came and went. Y/n stayed with the Mikaelsons and befriended the wolves, Jackson especially as he was to marry her adopted sister. She stood beside Klaus at the wedding, holding Hope and watching as the baby's eyes glowed gold in unison. Klaus was just looking at Y/n, listening as Hayley and Jackson recited their vows and imagined those words of love coming from his own lips.
After, Y/n went down to celebrate and Klaus managed to get a dance with her after Elijah finally pushed him to. Something about the other just felt right. It brought a warmth that only held safety and admiration. Like home.
Y/n began to see Klaus as home. When Hayley spent so many nights in the bayou, it was Klaus that she spent her time with and Klaus who always came to seek her out. Often he would use Hope as an excuse to be around her, Hope loved Y/n very much and was always eager to see her. Klaus was even more eager to take her.
But then Lucien arrived, along with Tristan and Aurora. They ruined everything.
Y/n became a vampire, Finn was killed once again and the Mikaleons were faced with peril.
Everything happened within the blink of an eye. Rebekah was hexed and the brothers bitten and Freya poisoned. Klaus was locked away for his violent acts and the others were linked to his life and hidden away in their coffins. And then Hayley, she had gone to Marcel angry and threatening and never returned.
That left Y/n with Hope and a truck full of almost-dead Mikaelsons. She was lost for the first year with Hope. She had lost everything. Everyone.
But when Hope would wrap her little arms around her and whimper for Y/n to not be sad, she knew that she needed to pull through.
It took a lot of effort. Y/n used Marcels tactics and started turning her own vampires, earning their trust and their devotion. She offered them a new life, she sold vampirism well and convinced dozens that this was the way for them. She began to train them, she began to trust them.
There was an inner circle that knew her well and were allowed to see Hope and go inside the house to protect her and the others had a fair amount of freedom however if they wanted daylight rings then they would have to help find the ingredients to heal the Mikaelsons.
It took far longer than she would have liked, 5 years but she did it. And one by one, Freya, Kol, Elijah and Rebekah were awake and healed. It didn't take long for them to come to understand the lengths to which Y/n had gone through.
They learnt of Hayleys death and they watched as vampires came to Y/n with updates on Klaus's position. A couple of her vampires had gone undercover into Marcels territory to get an idea of Klaus's situation. It was because of this that the other Mikaelsons were able to get in easier while Y/n went to her home to see Hope now that she was back form school.
Hope saw Y/n as her mother. Of course she knew everything about Hayley, Y/n old her countless stories and made sure that Hope knew that Hayley was her mother but Hope didn't truly remember Hayley the way Y/n had thought she would. To Hope, Y/n had always looked after her and loved her so often she would call Y/n her mommy or her ma without meaning to and Y/n could never respond, unsure as to whether she was doing something wrong by being Hopes mother. But she also couldn't deny Hope and so wouldn't upset her little girl by telling her that she wasn't allowed to call her that.
So she sat down with Hope when they were having their dinner and told her that their family was coming back in the early hours of the morning. Y/n had made sure to tell Hope stories of each of the Mikaelsons and showed various pictures, Klaus especially was mentioned. "That's your Dad remember?" Y/n would whisper when they snuggled up on Hopes bed and flicked through the photos.
Sometimes Y/n would sleep beside Hope or the other way around. Hope knew that Y/n didn't sleep much, she worried so much and became sad when Hope wasn't with her. Many times Hope had asked if Y/n loved her Dad and every time Y/n would nod "He means very much to me" she would tell her and Hope would smile and hold Y/n's hand.
"He'll come back soon Mommy, don't worry" she would whisper and Y/n would sniff and nod, pulled Hope close and closing her eyes.
When Hope was told that he father was finally coming home, she was excited for both herself and for Y/n. It took hours for her to get to sleep and Y/n had to take her back to bed nearly 10 times before she stayed in bed.
It was deep into the night when the door knocked, Y/n had fallen asleep against with her head against the kitchen table but thankfully had given Freya a key before they left for Klaus. They all made their way inside and softened at the sigh of Y/n passed out with her phone infront of her. Klaus was battered and weak but made his way over to her and knelt down to the floor so that he could pull her down to his embrace. She woke as she was taken from her seat and found herself in his hold. Tears streamed within seconds and she wrapped herself within him until little footsteps were heard and everyone's attention was on the doorway.
Y/n got up quickly, pulling away from Klaus who stared at the doorway with a level of fear. He didn't want his daughter to see him for the first time while he was dirty, bloody and broken.
"Mommy?" The sleepy voiced called, Hope had just come into sight while rubbing her eyes when Y/n quickly picked her up. They all listened as she gently hushed Hope and took her back to bed.
"What's wrong baby?" She asked softly, while tucking Hope into bed. She kissed her head and slipped Hope's wolf teddy under her arm.
"Are they here yet?" Hope whispered and Y/n hesitated. She knew Hope wouldn't sleep if she knew they were there and she knew that the Mikaelsons needed a moment to recover.
"Soon" She told Hope. "They'll be here when you wake in the morning I promise." She murmured and she stroked her face and Hope whispered goodnight.
Y/n came back down and spoke quietly.
"There's enough beds upstairs each of you, you might have to share a room for the night but it's better than a coffin. There's two showers, wait fifteen minutes so Hope goes to sleep before turning them on otherwise the noise will wake her up. We'll sort everything in the morning." She muttered, somehow a hardened exterior was around her now and they all picked up on it. She spoke to them now in an almost professional manner, like she didn't know them. As they all made their way up the stairs and watched as she checked on Hope, closed her door and made her way to her own room, they wondered how hard the past five years had been for her.
The next morning they woke to a stack of blood beside each of them bar Freya who had a cup of coffee waiting. They drank before getting dressed and heading downstairs.
Y/n and Hope were both already there, sprawled out on the sofas and eating from a bowl of berries while watching the TV. Kol was the first to clear his throat making Hope's head shoot up. Her confidence diminished quickly and she was hiding behind Y/n as she got up.
Y/n pointed to the fridge and cupboards, "If you're hungry you can find everything there, I've set up phones for you all so they're on the table. Theres a couple guys outside but they're just here to make sure nobody else is so you can check the garden if you need. Cars are coming in the afternoon to relocate now that you're awake and we have an interview with a school for Hope tomorrow morning so we need to get a full nights sleep and leave by 4pm latest this afternoon." She told them while lifting Hope from the sofa and placing her by the backdoor. "Paints are outside" she whispered to Hope who nodded and ran out to her art table in the garden.
The Mikaelsons each took their new phone and grabbed something to eat before sitting down while Klaus went to the window to watch his daughter from afar. Y/n went back to the kitchen and started washing plates when Elijah came beside her and placed a hand on her back.
"You know that you are our family Y/n" he whispered to her, concerned that she may think otherwise, "even with Hayley gone" he added faintly and she nodded. "I understand you've taken the role as Hopes mother-"
"I haven't. Hayley's her mom, Hope knows that she just slips up" She snapped back and Elijah frowned at the aggression.
"I didn't mean it as a negative thing." He replied softly, "Hayley would love that you are so close to Hope, she had told me all those years ago that you were as much Hopes mother as she was. You have always been her mother, none of us would take that from you."
Y/n sniffled at the thought of Hayley's permission almost and Elijah brought her into his embrace. He had been taking care of his family for centuries, he had the best understanding of what she was going through and he never wanted her to think that they would take Hope away from her just because Hayley was gone.
Meanwhile, Klaus had plucked the courage to go outside and sit with his daughter. He painted alongside her in a comfortable silence while nature danced around them until Y/n came outside and called for lunch. The scene made Klaus think of a movie or a sweet story and Hope smiled and jumped from her seat and tugged Klaus inside for food. He chuckled and followed, obediently sitting beside his little girl while Y/n went on the other side of her. Elijah and Y/n had prepared a simple but homey pasta dish to fill everyone before they needed to leave.
It was during lunch that Hope took notice of how her father glanced and gazed at her mother figure. Part of her was happy for them that they had found their way back and she could have that picture perfect family she had dreamed of for years but the other part of her pushed that idea away. She feared that perfect reality and quickly became upset with the thought of it all.
Y/n could see Hope stressing and took her outside to talk to her. Rebekah tried to comfort Klaus as he sat in a pained silence with the thought that his daughter didn't like him enough.
They didn't speak of it as they divided up into cars and drove to another state, to a suburban area where they had their own homes and new starts. Rebekah was excited, Freya was apprehensive, Kol decided to go his own way but to keep in touch, Elijah was willing to go wherever was seen as safest and Klaus would follow Hope and Y/n wherever they may go.
When Y/n handed him the keys to his own house he frowned, he didn't want to be by himself. He never had. Y/n had asked Hope if she would want to stay primarily at her dads but she wasn't so sure as she didn't really know him anymore.
The separate house arrangement lasted no longer than a week before Klaus was insisting they get a big house they could all stay in. Freya and Rebekah got a smaller house together, Elijah got himself an apartment close by but a little further out and Klaus moved in with Y/n and Hope after getting upset and Y/n understanding his needs.
He had his own room but he never wanted to be in it. He wanted to be in Y/n's, he wanted her and she wouldn't let him. Hope slowly got used to the idea but Y/n pulled away from it despite the ache in her heart that called for him.
Klaus soon believed that she truly didn't feel anything more than that friendship/family bond that she had with his siblings but Hope made sure he knew the truth one night when they were watching a movie and Y/n was out sorting out some vampires that apparently worked for her with both confused and impressed the Mikaelsons.
"I know you love my mom" She told him as they both kept their eyes on the TV, not daring to look at the other as this particular topic arose. Klaus cleared his throat and smacked his lips together but she didn't give him a chance to respond. "She told me she loves you too. Lots of times actually" she quipped and Klaus stared at the screen intensley. "But she won't tell you because she doesn't want to make it weird or make a mistake" she told him.
"She thinks it would be a mistake?" He asked, mentally cursing himself for the childish behaviour he was giving into.
"No...I don't know...She just loves you a lot and she'd be sad again if it didnât work and I donât want her to be sad againâŠâ she trailed and Klaus glanced to her.
âAgain?â He whispered, wondering if she had been with another man in the years they were apart and it hadnât worked.
âShe used to cry a lotâ Hope mumbled, feeling guilty for telling Klaus about it. âSometimes she would cry in her sleep tooâ she added and Klaus frowned, wrapping an arm around Hope and pulling her into a hug as she got upset. âShe missed youâ she whimpered and Klaus nodded, kissing Hopes head and wiping the tears from under her eyes. âShe needs youâ she told him on a small, strained voice.
Klaus rubbed her back and stroked her hair while Hope cried and let out all her worries for her mother and all the times she had seen her distraught. Klaus told her how he should have been there for them and promised that he would never leave them alone, never let them suffer again.
They ended the night on a lighter note, managed to pull a few laughs and smiled form each to her before Klaus tucked Hope into bed and found her wolf teddy for her. He then sat and told her of how one day she would get to be a wolf if she wanted and would be able to run freely, he told her how he felt when he was in his wolf form and how much he knew she would love it.
Once she fell asleep he went to his room and waited for the sound of the front door to clothes and footsteps up the floor before he came out. He stepped out from his doorway in only a pair of sleep pants, his eyes landed on Y/n and his brows rose. Her face was splattered with dried blood and her hands covered in it. She looked back at him but didnât utter a word, just went straight for the bathroom.
Klaus followed her quickly and closed the door behind them so that Hope wouldnât see Y/n looking so dishevelled.
âWhat happened?â He whispered as she tried to shimmy out of her clothes without touching anything else. He leaned over and clicked the shower on.
âItâs nothingâ she mumbled, peeling her shirt from her skin leaving her in just her bra and panties as her jeans lay in a puddle on the floor. Klaus frowned and his hand cupped her face but she pushed it away. âGo away I need to showerâ she muttered as she unhooked her bra and he sighed before walking out and staring at the bathroom door as she scrubbed the blood away.
He waited for her to come back out before pestering her again. Demanding to know where she was, what she was doing, who she was doing it to or with. Eventually she snapped and told him it was for Hope. She told him that people had been trying to kill her or take her all of the time, no matter how many spells were on her to protect her. So she had to get rid of the few people who knew their location and also make new vampires near where they were to ensure security.
Klaus didnât know how to feel.
Before, she was strong headed but she had never been a killer. She did what she had to but she was still emotional and compassionate. He blamed himself, he wanted her to be a Mikaelson and she had become one. She acted like one, she loved like one, she was one.
âI can do that for you, for Hopeâ he told her gently and she couldnât help the scoff that left her making him sigh. âLove, weâre here now, it isnât your job to fight anymoreâ he argued and she glared at him.
âIt was never my job.â She bit, âI did it because I wanted to. I do it because I want to. Hope is safe because of me, you are all safe because of me and I will keep it that way because even after a thousand years you lot still wind up dead time and time again!â She sneered, her vampiric features displaying across her face as her anger rose.
Klaus stared at her as she glared at him, she was mad and he knew that. She had been saving her rage for five years. She was mad that they left her alone, she was mad they let Hayley die not once but twice. She was mad that they hadnât listened to her all those years ago, she was mad she became a vampire because of them. She was mad that she had never been given an easy option since the day she met them. She was mad and she needed to express it and if there was something Klaus was good at, it was expressing his rage.
So he pushed her, hard. Y/n stumbled back and felt herself tik. She flew back at him roughly, causing him to hit straight back against the wall with a wince before going back to her and shoving her. He only put his hands on her a couple more times before her hands were swinging and her nails clawed at him. He whispered for her to keep going, to get it out as she cried and hit at him. She told him all the things she hated about him and his family. All the things he had put her through and all the struggle she had with Hope. Having to look after a Mikaelson witch with werewolf anger and vampire strength was not something anyone was equipped for but Y/n, a newly turned vampire was certainly not.
Eventually she was too exhausted to keep going. Klaus was on the floor, propped up against the door with his bloodied arm around her shoulders as she curled against him and sobbed. His face and body slowly healed, as he panted for air and rest his head against hers.
After a while she calmed down and realised how much she had hurt him and started crying for the pain she had caused. Klaus told her he had wanted her to so it was okay but she hated herself for it either way. They ended up back in the bathroom, taking separate showers again before heading back out and being in a better mood. They kissed each other on the cheek goodnight and went to bed.
The next morning Y/n was lighter on her feet, she already seemed more relaxed and settled. Less on edge wondering when she would explode with anger. Hope gave Klaus a weird look and asked if they finally admitted they loved each other but he shook his head and she shrugged. Y/n was happy so Hope was happy.
Klaus and Y/n took Hope to her school before going back home and digging up the garden to start planting herbs and flowers. Some had magical properties and some didnât. Klaus handled the vervain and Y/n handled the wolvesbane before they went inside and started making lunch only for them to get bored and decide to go out instead.
They went down to a small cafe and just ended up having sandwiches and cake anyway but at were happy that they didnât have to make it themselves.
After they headed back home they cleaned up the house and discussed Hopes upcoming birthday. Y/n told him about her past birthdays and presents and showed him pictures from the last few years.
Weeks went by, Klaus and Y/n became the power parents they had both hoped they would be and Hope finally had the family she wanted.
Hope however started to get annoyed. She just needed them to give in and be together. So she started making hints. But apparently they werenât strong enough so she went with being direct.
âWould you two just kiss already? Stop staring at each other!â She yelled from the kitchen, knowing they were glancing to one another while the film played in the background. Y/n blushed pink and Klaus cleared his throat, getting up and grabbing Hope. He spun her around and tickled her sides, whispering for her to shut her mouth while she squirmed and giggled.
It happened on many occasions that Hope would just tell them to get on with it. Klaus would watch for Y/nâs reaction waiting for her to give him the okay.
It was late one night when she finally did. It was just them downstairs, Hope was over at a friendâs house for a sleepover so just the two of them were watching usual Saturday night television. They were cuddled up with a blanket around them when Y/n leaned her head back and gave him a look. His brows briefly furrowed as he tried to decipher it before a tense silence overcame them. Both daring the other to do it.
Klaus caved first, leaning down and pressing his mouth to hers. Their lips moved in unison and Y/nâs hands went to his hair, tugging him onto her. The soft, wet sounds of their mouths filled the small amount of air between them as he pushed her down against the sofa and slid his hands under her thighs, hiking her legs up and round his waist.
Y/n stroked her hands round his face, her fingers memorising every detail of his face. Her thumbs brushed over his ears and down his neck while her tongue wrapped around his. Klaus slid his hands up and under her shirt, gliding along her skin to her bra. His fingers teased the lace making her pull her mouth from his and tug her shirt over her head.
Klaus kissed her lips again softly before pressing his own to her chest. Her hand cupped the back of his head, her eyes following his lips as they kissed and sucked down the valley between her breasts slowly. His other hand slid beneath her to unhook her bra and pull it off her arms.
She breathed heavily, looking up at him with lustrous eyes.
âYou look so gorgeousâ he murmured as he lowered his head to wrap his lips round one of her nipples. Y/n moaned softly as it pebbled against his tongue and her back arched to push her breasts against his face. He groaned softly and squeezed them both in his hands while his mouth teased them both interchangeably.
Y/n moaned his name and lifted his Henley over his head and slid her hands down his chest while his fingers picked at the button on her jeans. She helped drag them off her legs and quickly got her hands onto his. He kicked his own off and pressed himself back against her.
Their mouths were back against each other in a heated frenzy and his erection pressed against his boxers and then against her panties. She moaned against him and thrust her hips up to feel him. Klaus moved his lips down to her jaw and nipped at the skin while his hand made its way down to her stomach.
"Klaus" she whispered breathlessly as she pulled her lips off his and looked down to where his fingers brushed along the soft material of her underwear.
"Please" he uttered. It was an unexpected word for him to say but it made her eyes shimmer as she looked up at him. He leaned down to kiss her once again and she allowed herself to melt into it as he slowly dragged her panties down and off her legs. His hands brushed back up her thighs and she didn't resist when he guided them open and flat against the bed.
Klaus gently stroked his fingers along her pussy lips. Klaus groaned softly as they slid through her wetness and found her clit. Y/n let out a small gasp and pulled her head back, Klaus looked down at her as the back of her head pressed against the couch. Their eyes locked as the pad of his finger rubbed little circles against her clit. He watched in lust and fascination as her breathing escalated and her eyes watered while she tried to keep them open and focused on him.
"I missed you so much" he admitted quietly while pushing a finger into her entrance. Y/n let out a sweet cry that made the desire within him swirl and spike. His finger curled inside her perfectly, his thumb continued to pet her bundle of nerves until her body couldn't help but grind against his hand and his lips pressed a row of kisses along her throat.
"Klaus" she repeated with a moan and he smiled against her skin.
"I thought of you every day" he whispered as another finger began to thrust inside her with each precise flick of his wrist.
"You did?" she whimpered, her heart swelling with love and bashfulness. He nodded with a soft look in his eyes and pumped his fingers deeper into her until the breath was taken from her lungs.
"You were always right there in my mind. You brought me peace" he told her and she moaned weakly. Her hands squeezes at the sheets below her as her eyes shut. Klaus's fingers thrust and curled beautifully to meet the sensitive point that made her toes curl and her pussy clench tightly. "You saved me from myself" he whispered as his lips trailed down the front of her body again, a little quicker this time. His thumb brushed over her clit before his tongue replaced it.
Y/n's body arched in delight and her legs quivered as the soft heat of his mouth caressed her cunt. His tongue swirled around her sensitive bud as his fingers picked up the pace. His eyes closed as the addictive taste of her soaked onto his tongue. Her body arched and tensed with each flick of his tongue and a cry of desperation bounced off the walls as her orgasm pulsed through her. Klaus groaned softly as her pussy quivered and weeped around his fingers. He carefully, gently pulled his fingers out from her and used his mouth to clean her up.
He kissed his way back up her body to her lips and kissed her deeply, swallowing her weak moans of satisfaction and caressing his hands up along her skin. Y/n's hands brushed through his curls gently making them fluff up. Klaus pulled back and looked down at her with a genuine smile and let out a small chuckle when he felt his hair frizz.
She gazed back at him almost shyly. She had wanted him to touch her like that for so long. Too many years of longing. Raising Hope had taken away from any social life she could have had the past five years but even if Hope hadn't been a priority, Y/n only thought of Klaus like that. She could't believe that he had seen her so bare and vulnerable after all those years, touched and tasted her like she dreamed he would.
Klaus could see the thoughts dancing through her mind and slowly stroked her hair as he let her daze float over her. He pulled her to his body, wrapping her in his arm and laying with her for a bit. This was something he didn't want to push or rush. He just wanted to soak this up and be with her forever.
Y/n lay on top his body as they rest against the couch. A blanket draped over them while their eyes watched the screen before them. They were both nearly asleep but neither wanted to move so they stayed there the whole night.
By morning they were back up and getting ready to get Hope from her friends. Hope's eyes narrowed on them as soon as she got in the car, a small smile creeping onto her lips as she saw their entwined hands while they drove home.
When she got home she gave her mother a smile before offering a discreet thumbs up to her dad which made him chuckle and shake his head as she starting making kissey faces and running up the stairs giggling.
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I Want You to Stay (11) | JJK
Pairing:Â Jungkook x (f.) Reader
Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut
Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; mentions of childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, attempted assault; mention of past experience of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts, business/property devt, and book talk thatâs probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; sexual content (making out - I know, finally) (18+)
Chapter Word count:Â 23.5k
Series Masterlist
Status:Â Ongoing
Series summary: Working for Jungkook isnât the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesnât smile, he doesnât appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesnât help that heâs incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. Youâve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.
Playlist đ¶: on the way home
A/N: Hiii so this was quite the wait! We have come to the climax of the story and I'm both excited and terrified to share this with you. I have nothing more to say other than see you on the other side! đ€đ€
And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight đ„°
PS. If I canât tag you, pls fix your settings!
Whenever Jungkook creates some distance between you and him, you often understand it. Itâs his default, you think, and after learning about the pain he harbors from his childhood, youâve come to accept it. You expect it, even.Â
Recently though, he hasnât been doing much of it. He often moves closer; sometimes, he lets you do it. Tonight, itâs both - he stands near you, he holds you, and he lets you slowly close the distance until youâre just a breath away. And for a brief moment, you think that heâd eliminate it altogether.Â
But youâre not in some fantasy world, so when he pulls away, youâre reminded of who you are and who he is and that sliver of hope goes up in flames.Â
âIââ he mumbles.Â
âI should go,â you interject, turning away so as not to see any more of the rejection in his eyes. âHave a good evening, Mr. Jeon.â
You grab your bag then rush outside, exhaling the breath you were holding in and letting the shame fill you up as fast as the elevator reaches the first floor. You want to run to rid yourself of the embarrassment, maybe be irresponsible for once and get drunk just to forget. Maybe when you wake up in the morning, youâll find out it was all a dream - you didnât actually want to kiss your boss, you didnât actually think heâd kiss you back, and he didnât actually pull away, as if it stung him to touch you, as if it hurt him to try.Â
But the thought doesnât last long.
You get on a bus and convince yourself that staying sober tonight is a better option than reporting hungover to work tomorrow. Youâll feel embarrassed either way, but might as well be more professional about it, considering that what youâd almost done - and all the things you thought about - was nothing but that. You settle for just cup noodles for dinner; you donât deserve anything nicer than that tonight.Â
Sleep doesnât come until past one later in the evening. You spend much of your time tossing and turning, trying hard to erase the image of Jungkook so close to you.Â
But nothing works. All you see are his lips. All you can hear is his breathing. All you can smell is him.Â
You wake up four hours later, exhausted and incredibly anxious for the day. You want it to be over already, and you half think of calling in sick but you know thatâll be too obvious. It could set off alarm bells to Jungkook and he might call and ask how you are, and thatâs something you canât deal with either. So you power through and nap in the car, not wanting to converse with Mr. Ri because you might tell him everything should he ask the right questions.
Your plan of action is to engage with Jungkook as little as you can, in any way thatâs possible. You play around with things in his kitchen and make sure you have your back turned when he exits from his gym. The energy drink and glass of water are on the counter and you sense him lingering before he finally walks to his bedroom. You let some time pass before going to his closet to prepare his accessories for the day, then head back out, cooking his omelet as slowly as you can.
The clearing of his throat lets you know heâs done, and you glance at him before placing the dishes on the table.Â
This isnât the routine. You always fix his necktie once he shows up. Itâs reflex for you, and you know thatâs what heâs come to expect as well.Â
But you canât bring yourself to do that right now. Itâs basically like re-enacting what happened last night and you canât promise yourself that you wonât want to kiss him again when heâs that close. You canât look him in the eyes, you canât take in his scent, you canât hear his breathing without remembering how he felt like. You know you canât have it again, so you wonât even torture yourself even more than you already are.
His tie is slightly off and it disturbs you. He doesnât move but he doesnât ask you to fix it.Â
You sigh to yourself. Heâll live.Â
You eat quickly and itâs a contrast to him picking on his food. Youâre tempted to ask if the dish isnât to his liking, but you told yourself not to start conversations or engage in anything outside of work matters, and youâll stick to that for as long as possible.Â
â___.â
âMr. Jeon, Iâve prepared your notes for todayâs meetings,â you state before he could say anything more. âAnd Iâm meeting with the marketing team about the additional promotional materials you wanted. Is there anything else you wish to add to the ones we talked about?â
âNone for now. They can go ahead with my initial request,â he responds, his voice too soft than what youâre used to, but you donât dare look up and meet his eyes.
You ask a few more questions and he responds accordingly. The silence is deafening and though you miss the playful banter that has become part of your mornings, you know you canât get into that right now. Somehow, this is when you canât act like everythingâs normal. Your stupid mistake and foolish assumption is where you draw the line. You just hope the day ends quickly enough before you give in.Â
Both of you head down to the car. Before going inside, you hear Jungkook ask Mr. Ri how he looks and if his tie is fixed, and you internally smack your head for being so petty about this. You didnât think that something seemingly trivial about your daily routine with him would affect you this much, as if it somehow threw things off-balance just because you were so afraid to be close. You realize now that you would look forward to those few seconds because that was the only time you had a reason to touch him.Â
But heâs everything you canât desire and given that you almost crossed a line, you know youâre gonna have to slowly pull back. Not just with regards to your feelings but in everything, as you take a peek of your personal phone and see an email notification about an upcoming book launch from Rkive Publishing. You subscribed to their mailing list right after you met their director, and youâve been sitting on his email address and the application letter you have yet to submit.Â
Since that encounter, youâve been occasionally looking at other job opportunities in different fields. You realize that nothing much excites you. Thereâs not much you think is worth slaving your way for in this corporate jungle, and that while youâre currently part of that machine, the only thing that got you going these past eight years was the debt you had to pay.Â
You had your reasons to stay but being at this point when youâre ready to let that go, youâre realizing that there wasnât much else about the job that got you truly excited. Sure, it was also the people, but theyâre why you couldnât leave. It wasnât until the planning for the Arts Center that you felt you could truly be invested in a project and have impact on it, too; it just so happens that the man behind it is the reason why you have to step away. You know itâs the only way you could finally choose yourself and pursue what you want. At 31, you owe it to yourself to do that.Â
Your thoughts are disrupted when the familiar building comes into view, and you exit the car and head to your floor, trailing Jungkook this time instead of walking by his side as what youâve come to do. You can tell that he notices the distance but you donât want to address it. Being terrible at any form of confrontation, you donât really want to acknowledge anything that happened. Youâll deal with him if he brings it up, and for all the times that you screwed up, you wish to the heavens that Jungkook lets this one go.Â
You head to your desk while he heads to his. You make him his coffee then ask him to sign some documents. You focus on his hands as he flips through the pages, preferring to look at those instead of his face. But itâs those fingers that pressed against you last night, and you shake your head at the memory, even if all you want is to feel them again.
You retrieve the papers, your heart stopping when he doesnât let them go right away. Your eyes widen and you still donât look at him, even as you anticipate him to say something.
â___.â
âMr. Min asked to meet with you after lunch,â you cut him off again before he could say more.
âI know. That email was sent to you and me.â
âYes, sir. I was just making sure.â
He lets go of the papers now and you bow before quickly heading out. You just know he had his eyebrows scrunched at you. Heâs probably trying to make sense of how jittery you seem and though he may know why, youâre not sure if he knows why.
You get through the morning in one piece. You attend your meeting while Jungkook attends his own with his father. You grab a quick lunch with Do-hyun, whose narration of her love life takes up the whole half hour, then you return to your tasks once you finish.
Hyper-focused on the file youâre reviewing, Yoongiâs usually unenthusiastic greeting catches you off guard, causing your lips to miss the hot tea that youâre about to drink. You jerk, spilling all of it on you. You subsequently hit the saucer thatâs on the edge of the table; it falls on the floor and breaks.
âFuck!â You whisper yell, as you feel the drink pool on your skirt.
âShit, is it burning?â Yoongi asks worriedly.Â
He immediately rushes to your side and grabs some paper towels from the cabinet, placing them on your lap and on the floor.
âDonât move so you donât spread the broken pieces,â he instructs. âAre you hurt?â
âNo. Iâm just uncomfortable,â you groan, with your knees awkwardly touching each other and your thighs squeezed to keep the liquid from spreading.Â
Youâre at least in a black skirt but you know the stain will still be visible. Thatâs the least of your problems though, as Jungkook arrives from his meeting and heads to you with a folder, only to find Yoongi kneeling on the floor next to you. Jungkookâs eyes widen, seemingly scandalized at what this looks like, and they flit from you to his friend, whose calm face quickly turns into one of panic.Â
âShe spilled her tea and the saucer broke,â Yoongi explains, raising the soiled paper towels as evidence. He tells you to move back so he can place them over the shards while Jungkook looks on intently. âAre you good? Do you have spare clothes?â Yoongi asks you.
âUh, ye-yeah,â you manage to say, hating how frozen you seem to be. With the tea having been absorbed, you grab your bag from your cabinet, the one youâve started to keep and bring with you during trips in case you get stranded again, then throw the towels in the trash bin. âIâll just go get changed.â
You scurry towards the washroom and leave the men alone, knowing that Yoongi will hold the fort for both of you.Â
Back inside, Jungkook eyes Yoongi as he calls for maintenance to clean up the mess.
âShe spilled her tea and the saucer broke,â Yoongi says again. âShe couldnât move and I just cleaned up.â
âI heard you the first time,â Jungkook states.
âJust making sure, so your mind doesnât think of whatever it thinks about,â Yoongi shrugs. âBut is she okay? She seems a bit out of it.â
âI donât know,â Jungkook looks away. âDonât you usually know those things?â
âWell, I assume that since youâve gotten closer, you would know. Unless itâs about you⊠Were you mean to her again?â
Yoongiâs unusual scowl is one that Jungkook is secretly terrified of but he acts unaffected, merely shaking his head in response and to dismiss the assumption. Heâll admit that his friendâs statement is quite bittersweet, though. Yes, you and Jungkook have both gotten closer and there hasnât been an incident in months where you couldâve had a reason to be down because of him.Â
Unless last night counts, which is something heâs still wrapping his head around.Â
He thinks back to that moment right by your desk. You were so close. And he was so close to doing something more than just holding onto your waist. He saw you eye his lips and he did the same but the realization of where you both were - in a semi-open space in the office - reminded him of his limits. Sure, it was after-hours and no one would have any reason to be on the floor at that time, but it still felt too exposed and he didnât want either of you to be put in such a compromising position, even if every part of his body was aching to kiss you.Â
He wouldnât have known you were talking about him if it werenât for the way you held him close and that unfamiliar look of yearning in your eyes. At that moment, he let himself hope that heâs who you wanted, even if heâs also the same man you believed wouldnât cross his boundaries for you.
Even then, you had been so bold, so honest. He wished he was as brave and as capable to express his desires as you were. He never thought youâd feel anything for him - him, the one who made your life miserable for weeks, the one who treated you unfairly because you made him feel - and want - things he couldnât understand and control. Your calm and warm nature made him think he wasnât anyone special. He dismissed whatever part of him that thought otherwise because he couldnât hope for something he couldnât have.
But last night, the way you looked at him also made him feel like all he desired was within reach, like you were within his grasp. Your lips were everything he wanted all over him. Your soft breaths were what he wanted to take in. You were all he wanted to taste and touch and hear, and heâd been so, so close to crossing a line that he said he wouldnât because he was afraid it would push you away and thatâs the last thing he wants to do.
He was overwhelmed but he was just as scared, believing that thereâs no turning back if something had happened. He almost stepped over the line but pulled back just as quickly, and now it seems that thatâs whatâs keeping you at a distance. Because as you return to your desk, you merely bow at him then go through the folder of documents heâd given you.
âYoongi and I will just meet for an hour,â he says. âPlease be ready with the Arts Center opening event budget that Iâll go through with Hoseok later.â
âThatâs noted, sir.â
Jungkook sighs in disappointment as you donât spare him a glance. He just wants to see those eyes again, the ones that yearned for him last night, the ones that asked him - almost challenged him - to get closer. But heâd been the coward who let you go, and now he doesnât know how to turn back from this.
He enters his room then turns around to face Yoongi.
âI feel so much and I donât know what to do.â
âI know,â his friend hums, feeling relieved that Jungkook can now acknowledge something heâd known for a while now. But Yoongi also knows that itâs not that simple, and while he knows of the possibility that you feel the same, reciprocated feelings donât always mean happy endings. âJust donât⊠just donât hurt her,â he adds.
âWhy do I feel like whatever I do, itâs what Iâll end up doing anyway?â
âSheâll know when you mean it and when you donât. And you know what helps?â
âWhat?â
âLetting her know that hurting her isnât what you want to do. Youâve got a lot to say, Jungkook, I know it,â Yoongi remarks. âJust be brave enough to say them.â
Yoongiâs words linger in Jungkookâs mind for the rest of the day, especially during the times that he peeks through the window to get a glimpse of you. You seem determined not to look his way, as you donât even attempt to look at his direction all afternoon. There is a lot heâs got to say, he just doesnât know what they are or how to say them. Itâs always been that way when it comes to you - he feels so much, but he's unable to let you know.
Despite your avoidance all day, he feels your absence even more when you leave at 6PM, on the dot, without sparing him a glance. He could run after you and ask to talk. He wouldnât know how to start that conversation though, but if it would bring you to finally look at him or say his name, then it would be enough.Â
He just wants to know what last night meant for you. And if it means what he hopes it does, then maybe it isnât about turning back but moving forward. He knows it will be complicated, but he wants to figure it out with you. Heâll choose the path where he gets to be around you, close to you. Always.
Jungkook pulls out the bottle of whiskey he keeps in his drawer to momentarily drown out these thoughts. For some, liquor gives them courage. For him, he drinks it because heâs afraid to be brave.
As he replays the way you looked at him last night, he wonders to himself what heâs more scared of - never having you close enough, or losing you completely.Â
The three films you watch in the cinema that Saturday afternoon are a good distraction to all the thoughts in your head. You occasionally do this because watching other peopleâs lives play out in film gives you something to ponder about. Sometimes, you let it inspire you to live differently. Other times, it allows you a peek into a life much more exciting than the one you have. In some instances, it gives you a sense of relief that yours is uneventful, lacking in drama and intrigue.
At this moment, youâre not quite sure what you want out of it other than to forget. What exactly, youâre not sure. Is it the way you felt when Jungkook held you? Is it the way he seemed to want more and then nothing at all? Or is it the hope you had that youâd found someone you were willing to give a bit of yourself to, only for the glass to shatter because thatâs not what you do - you donât desire for things not meant for you; you donât open yourself to heartbreak like that.Â
Jungkook has always made you feel a lot of things. This time is no different. But this time it also means more. You could lose him completely or have something with him that could be beautiful. One would hurt right away and the other could hurt you down the road. You donât know which one youâre willing to suffer through.Â
Suddenly you wish you didnât get to this point at all. You couldâve left when you had the chance. You couldâve let him not mean to you this much.Â
You continue to wallow in the sadness. You eat dinner at a ramen place before going home and settling in bed with your best friends on video call. You tell them about the past two days and narrate your moments with Jungkook during the team building that you left out when you spoke to them about it. Looking at them through the screen, you see a mix of understanding and frustration on their faces.Â
âWhy are you avoiding him, hun?â Soomin asks, her eyes soft and comforting.
âBecause Iâm so embarrassed,â you groan, burying your face on the pillow. âI was so⊠shameless. I donât even know what got into me. He just looked at me and I⊠lost all sense. Who was I to assume that moment would end well? That heâd reciprocate that honesty?â
âAnd you think not talking about it will rid you of that embarrassment?â She wonders.
âNo. But itâs at least better than facing it,â you frown. âIâm not good with words nor feelings. And Iâm sure that neither is he. Iâm just trying to be professional now because I obviously wasnât.â
You leave out your fears about meeting his eyes and hearing what he has to say. Even if he returns whatever you feel, thereâs so much burden tied to that and you donât think youâre ready for it. You donât think youâre ready for any of this.
âIt doesnât seem sustainable though,â Soomin points out. âYouâre together all the time. Youâve created a routine and a dynamic that youâve gotten so used to. It takes more effort to avoid the whole thing, donât you think?â
âI guess but⊠weâre all busy with the Arts Center opening. And I plan on tending my resignation right after,â you explain. âThereâs no time to talk about feelings. Iâll just let it die down. Itâs stupid to have them in the first place.âÂ
The prolonged silence prompts you to turn towards her. âYou donât agree with me, do you?â
âI just donât think itâs stupid to be feeling what youâre feeling,â Soomin replies. âYou spend so much time together. Youâre bound to form some attachment and develop affection for him, regardless of how things started. I mean, through all the late-nights and early mornings and stresses and comfort in between, thereâs something only two of you share and understand. Thatâs not stupid. Thatâs how connections are formed, hun.â
Attachment. Connection. They terrify you but theyâre things that you desire as well. You donât know how deep they are when it comes to Jungkook and you donât know if theyâre something he feels towards you, too.
âMaybe youâre just trying to convince yourself that it isnât that serious,â she adds. âMaybe itâs because you know that it is, and you donât know if itâs worth pursuing, if itâs worth finding out if he returns it and if being with him is something that can happen.â
You look away, knowing the truth in her words. You turn to Jimin, whoâs been unusually quiet all evening.
âWhat do you think Jimin?â You ask him. âI mean, itâs one thing to feel something and another to act on it and risk everything for it, right?â
âThereâs always something you risk once you acknowledge what you feel for another person,â he says after pondering about it. âFor me, acting on it just depends on two things. Is it good for me, and is it good for them? In your case, itâs something to really think about. Youâre you and heâs him. And you know what I mean. Youâve been wanting to walk away from this company for years, ___. You wanna be something outside of it. How does being with your boss help with that?â
Jiminâs words remind you of something else youâve been yearning for - that search for who you are outside of your work, outside of all the years you spent working for this family that have become a core part of who you are. For people like you who have to work extra hard for the things you have, it becomes natural for your job to define you as a means of survival. It doesnât give you power nor influence; it just gives you a means to get to the next day and to give back to the one person who sacrificed everything for you.Â
As the years went by, it became more difficult to pull away. This family trusts you, and your confidence has only ever increased as an employee of this company, but not as a professional. Youâve been wanting to learn who you are without the burdens you carry, without the need to constantly prove yourself to the people who helped make you, and Jungkook ties you to all this. Whether itâs pursuing him or working for him, youâre afraid youâll never be brave enough to do things on your own.
You werenât supposed to be this attached. You werenât supposed to be this invested. You werenât supposed to want to be wanted back.Â
But Jungkook made you care. He made you feel. He made you be brave. And heâs now the one you have to pull away from.
âYouâre right,â you sigh. âMaybe in a way, I needed this to happen. I needed this⊠moment to remind me that I have to leave and I canât let him be another reason for me to stay, not when I feel what I feel, and not when I donât know if he feels the same way.â
âWhat if he does, though?â Soomin asks. âAnd what if he asks you to stay?â
âThinking about it now, I hope he doesnât,â you say. âItâd be much easier for me if he just lets me go. I can finally walk away from all this. And I can get over what I feel.â
âIs that what you really want?â Soomin adds.
You nod in response. âAt least I know Iâll be happy outside of working for the company. Who knows what having him in my life would bring me?â
The book cafe in Mapo district boasts of an elegant yet comfortable design. It has three levels that consist of a library and working spaces, but itâs on the first floor that you find yourself in, tucked in one of the corner tables at the back with your iced coffee and fruit tart.Â
You listen in awe as the author reads excerpts from her newly released book, which she narrates with vigor and emotion. She answers questions about her purpose for writing this specific story, the inspiration for the characters, and interesting things like who sheâd cast if it were to become a movie and what the playlist would sound like. Itâs the first book launch youâve ever been to, and despite not being an avid reader, you have a feeling that it wonât be your last.Â
Thereâs something about the storytelling and the process of creating something that captivates you. Thereâs not much of that in your world. Itâs all numbers and profits. Itâs soulless, if youâre being honest. It doesnât give you time to feel or live in the moment or actually bask in the work that you do. Youâre there to support, to assist, and while that used to be something you were proud of, the past year has made you think that itâs truly time to move on from it. Itâs made you desensitized to things like joy and hope and love, which prompts you to realize that those are what have been missing. Working on the Arts Center gave you a taste of it. Youâve come to the point where you want to know how those truly feel like, and the job has hindered you from fully finding it out.
All your emotions for Jungkook take a backseat the more you think about what your life could be, especially while you watch Namjoon gather what seems to be his team, as he congratulates them for a successful launch. Theyâre all in casual clothes, looking relaxed, relieved, and fulfilled as the event comes to a close and several people approach the author and ask her to sign their books. You can imagine the stress leading up to all this, but thereâs satisfaction in putting together something this intimate and meaningful.Â
âYou made it,â the man with the soft smile says, the child-like innocence of his face, a contrast to his very masculine build. âIâm glad those newsletters and email invites work.â
âI think theyâre the only ones I actually read,â you say, earning you a brighter smile from him. âBut honestly though, it helps that a book cafe is something I wouldnât mind being in on a Sunday morning.â
âExactly!â Namjoon beams. âItâs easy to make it a part of your weekend. Whether it translates to immediate sales isnât the whole point, although thatâs great, donât get me wrong. But as long as thereâs foot traffic and increased interest, then itâs a success. Our launches have been gaining traction on social media. And theâshit, sorry. Iâm rambling again,â he chuckles. âI doubt you came here with the intention of listening to me talk about what we do and stuff.â
âOh, I donât mind at all,â you assure him. âI donât actually go to things like this but I thought it might be a good way to have a feel of what itâs like working for your company without inconveniencing you. I mean, I havenât applied yet but I just wanted to see if this is something Iâd enjoy doing.â
âAnd?â He asks in anticipation.
âIt kind of is,â you admit. âI donât know. Thereâs just something so personal about it.â
âThere really is,â Namjoon nods.
His face turns serious now, something that happens when heâs about to go on a speech about whatever it is he feels strongly about. Heâs expressive and itâs quite captivating, which is refreshing in a colleague, you realize.Â
Sitting across from you in your little nook in the cafe, he talks about the journey of this whole process, how he reached out to the author who turned out was trying to contact him as well. He was hoping to publish one of her manuscripts that was shared to him by a friend, but she offered this one instead, a very personal story that she trusted his company would do justice.Â
âI sat the whole team down and told them what this means for her as an author and as a person, and what that in turn could mean to the readers,â he continues. âThereâs so much responsibility but the return is worth more than you could imagine. Of course, itâs not always easy. We have a relatively small team for the amount of things that we have to do but it works. Communication is smooth, accountability is shared, and we build our trust and respect in each other that way. I think that makes it even more worth it in the end.â
âYouâre really trying to lure me in, arenât you?â You laugh.
âPretty much,â he chuckles. âI just think our meetings are serendipitous. There were two people who were supposed to take on the role but they backed out last minute - on both cases, I see you the next day. The universe probably has plans.â
âIt probably does,â you nod, slowly believing him. âThe only reason why I havenât applied yet is because this is all so new to me and I may not be what youâre looking for.â
âBut it could be that weâre what youâre looking for,â he counters. âEven if the industry is new to you, if itâs a place youâre comfortable in and that you think will help you grow professionally, then you become what we need. Itâs give and take, really. Your approach to the work impacts how you do it. Yes, itâs still a job but it also means a lot more.â
âYouâre very good at this,â you say, feeling more at ease as you speak with him, a stranger who has no idea what youâre going through but is somehow saying the exact things you need to hear. âI just have a timeline Iâm working around. My company has an important thing coming up in several weeks and I donât want to leave before then. Itâs also why Iâve been delaying applying.â
âHey, if we see that weâre a good fit for each other, then we can work around your timeline,â he says. âTo help with that, maybe we can chat more casually to relieve you of the pressure. I have some things to return to the office not far from here and you can tell me a bit about the work that you do. What do you think?â
Itâs a suggestion you take up, so you both start walking a few streets down to a mid-rise building, a structure that sits amidst cozy cafes and small parks.Â
The Rkive Publishing office is spacious. Instead of solo desks, there are large tables so there are more opportunities for collaborations, but there are small meeting rooms and private spaces as well. There are floor-to-ceiling windows, shelves that are lined with hundreds of books, and quirky art pieces that give the place a unique yet personal touch. Itâs leagues different from what youâre used to, and as you appreciate the way the sunlight makes the whole place glow, you start to think that Namjoon may be right - this might just be what youâre looking for.Â
You disclose who you work for then tell him your functions, narrate how a usual day looks like, and mention the types of people you usually engage with. But you share how youâve felt lost in the chaos of everything and that youâve been trying to find purpose in it but have been unable to.Â
Namjoon purses his lips, attempting to hide a smile, but you call him out on it.
âIâm just trying not to get too excited,â he reasons, giving in and chuckling now. âWe need organization, a sense of urgency, a kind of professionalism that someone of your caliber could bring. I donât want to get my hopes up and yes, thereâs a process, but I hope you give us a chance.â
Itâs easy to think that this man has no idea what heâs saying, but heâs been talking about going with his gut feeling all morning - heâs said as much that following his heart and doing what feels right for him allowed him to turn the company into what it is right now. Maybe meeting the first time was just a coincidence, but the pull of the universe - of you to this environment and him to you - is just too strong that you canât help but think that maybe this is the next step for you. For all the challenges you went through all these years, maybe you deserve something a little more smooth sailing this time.Â
You donât make any promises but you do assure him that youâll send him an email. There are obviously other pressing matters that you have to deal with but this has been a good distraction, one that you allow to preoccupy you for the rest of the day.Â
After saying goodbye, you walk around the neighborhood and spend the afternoon by the river where you wonder about the people surrounding you.Â
What dilemmas are they facing? What heartbreaks are they trying to move on from? What new adventure are they preparing for? Or maybe, who are they trying to forget? Whoâs waiting at home for them? Are they watching the sunset because they know itâs beautiful or because theyâve forgotten that it is?Â
You let out a breath once the sun has dipped and the sky has turned a dark shade of blue. You feel a mix of awe at its beauty and disappointment because the day has come to an end. You once more have to face the person youâve been trying not to think about all weekend.
Giving yourself a pep talk, you go to bed that night with the plan of continuing what you did last Friday, which is avoiding any moments and any chances of talking about what happened. If Jungkook brings it up, then youâll just have to face it and ask him to forget about that night and then deal with the consequences after. But thereâs no way that youâll say anything first; youâll ride this out for as long as you can.
Avoiding talking to Jungkook about non-work matters - which is really what you only intended to do - is much more difficult when you have to pretend you donât care about him.Â
That Monday morning, you stop yourself from asking how heâs doing after spotting the empty whiskey bottle and beer cans in his kitchen bin. While you give him the usual hangover remedy, you stop short of suggesting that he get some rest or buying him his favorite lunch dish.Â
During the meeting that you accompany him to in the afternoon, you watch him helplessly as his father hounds him with questions about the other projects, adding even more pressure than what heâs currently under, and you look away when he tries to meet your eyes. You used to send him encouragement through your gentle nods and soft smiles but youâre scared youâll fall into your feelings once again if you do them, knowing that any sign of him needing you is all it would take for you to give in and talk to him, maybe comfort him.Â
Youâve become so weak for him, you realize that now. His detachment used to put you off and frustrate you, but knowing him the way you do, itâs what makes you want to be there for him; itâs what makes you want to assure him that youâre just there.Â
But you arenât, because youâre pushing him away. Youâre making him go through his confusion and stress and exhaustion all on his own because youâre a coward, too. Youâre scared of your own feelings. Youâre scared of them being rejected and youâre scared of them being returned. You didnât realize just how much you are because you never actually felt something this deeply for anyone, and that terrifies you even more.Â
Watching him from your desk as he pores through documents on his laptop is hard, too. Youâre done for the day but heâs said earlier that heâll be staying late to finish a few things because there are many distractions at his place. You want to tell him they can wait, that heâll need to rest and regain his energy for the week ahead, or that some fresh air could help clear his mind.Â
But you donât. Instead, you pack your things and head out, knowing that much as itâs your decision to force this distance between both of you, itâs still something you wish you didnât have to do. You donât know how long you can sustain it, but somehow you know that once he gives in, so will you, and so all this might as well just be useless or even worse for you.Â
Mr. Ri picks up on the change the next morning, as he asks if you and Jungkook had an argument on the way to his penthouse.Â
âThere was no argument, â you answer. âThereâs just a lot on my mind and heâs a big part of that. I just⊠I just don't know how to deal with things, you know?â
âThings like what?â Mr. Ri asks.Â
âFeelings,â you sigh. âI mean, you said they canât be helped. And youâre right, I canât. Thatâs my big problem right now.â
âOh, ___,â he says, softly smiling through the rear view mirror.Â
You can tell heâs trying to comfort you, something heâs told you before heâs unsure how to do. You brush him off, saying youâll figure it out, and he assures you that you could talk to him and that maybe, you need to just let it out to someone who knows what youâre battling against. You express your appreciation then inhale deeply once you arrive at Jungkookâs building.Â
The clanking sound of plates surprises you when you enter the penthouse. You walk cautiously towards the kitchen and find Jungkook already dressed in his work attire, placing the basket of toasted bread in the middle of the dining table where you spot the two plates with eggs in each. You wonder if youâre late, given that heâd gone ahead and made breakfast for both of you already.Â
âYouâre on time,â he says after seeing you check your watch. âI was just up early. I couldnât really sleep. I think I have too much on my mind.â
âI still could have made this for you,â you say so softly, Jungkook almost misses it.
âI didnât mind,â he answers, wanting to say more, like that he thought it would be nice to make something for you for a change, or that he hopes you could see the effort.
But he keeps them to himself, just like the many other things that he doesnât feel ready to verbalize. He hasnât stopped thinking about you since Thursday night, and he thinks that the distance youâre creating has made his desire even stronger, but so has the fear.Â
He spent the weekend downing alcohol and then boxing for hours to get rid of the hangover. The lemon ginger tea he made didnât really work. He placed the bandage on his beat-up knuckles incorrectly, not like how perfectly youâd done it once. And the chicken noodle soup he ordered when he wasnât feeling well last night didnât taste as good as yours.Â
His mornings arenât the same without the briefest touch from you from fixing his tie, or from the casual conversations during breakfast or in the car. Thereâs not much of your voice or your laughter that he hears, and definitely none of your smile that always encouraged him, that always assured him. This continues for the rest of the day, as he barely feels your presence unless he asks for it. And even then, it almost feels like youâre not there at all.Â
He feels so lost without you, unable to focus and function properly without your guidance and your care. He doesnât know how or when heâs allowed himself to need you this much but it all feels so new yet familiar. All he wants is to be near you again but he admits that seeing you consistently pull away hurts him more than anything.Â
Itâs why that Wednesday, he settles for only minimal glances at you in the car, why he conducts his morning meeting in a cafe instead, why he has the blinds on in his room all afternoon, and why he stays to work late and informs you that heâll go straight to the Arts Center the next day so heâll just meet you in the office.
He does all those so heâs forced to be around you less, so he doesnât look up from his desk to find out that you donât look his way anymore, so that itâs less difficult when you donât do your usual routine with him. He at least wonât feel as bad when you donât ask how heâs feeling if you donât see him look terrible in the morning after not being able to sleep, or when you donât fix his necktie for the fifth time this past week if heâs not around you in the first place.Â
Youâve been going out of your way to avoid him and if he had a bit more courage, heâd probably be able to ask what Thursday night was about and if youâd really wanted to kiss him like he did.Â
But heâs afraid of two things - that youâd ask him to forget all of it, or that youâd both have to figure out how to move forward if the feelings are indeed mutual. There are so many things that could go wrong but just as many that could go right - heâs scared to hurt you either way. And like heâs always said, he doesnât know how to handle all of this; he doesnât know how to talk about what he feels.
Thursday morning comes and while youâre relieved that you donât have to tiptoe around Jungkook again in his own apartment and feel suffocated by the tension, you wonât lie and say that you deeply felt his absence. You also wonât deny that seeing him walk towards his office without sparing you a glance hurt you a little. You know him enough that heâs probably giving you the space that youâve insisted on, but still, a part of you wonders if heâs just accepted it, too.Â
And when you hand him his notes for his late afternoon meeting then when he leaves for the CEOâs office without a look of acknowledgment, you worry that heâs become impatient, that heâll keep pulling away for as long as you are, and that youâll be so far apart that youâll start to wonder if youâd come close to him at all.Â
But you did this, you remind yourself. Youâd been the one to get close, to expect, and then to detach because you were so afraid of what would happen next, and what that would mean for you. Heâs probably the last thread youâre holding onto, connecting you to this world that youâve been planning on leaving for so long. Maybe youâre also scared that if he asked you to stay, you would, and the last thing you want is for him to be the reason why you canât let go, and then resent him for it.Â
You sigh in your seat as the various thoughts plague your mind. You decide to go to the pantry for a cup of tea, knowing you have some time before Jungkookâs meeting with his father is scheduled to end.Â
The support teamâs office is unnervingly quiet at 7PM with only Mr. Ri around, shaking his leg against the chair while browsing on his desktop. He greets you when you enter and then joins you to make his cup of coffee - his fourth for the day, he says - before you both head out the pantry and sit by the meeting table.Â
There arenât any words said as you both blow away the steam from your respective hot drinks, merely letting the tranquility of the evening envelop the two of you. A few minutes pass and Mr. Ri finally looks up and asks why youâre still here, to which you reply that you wanted to be around when Jungkookâs meeting finishes in case he needs you to do something.
âThereâs no need to drop me home,â you tell him. âI can manage on my own.â
âYou know Jungkook wonât like that,â Mr. Ri responds. âHe has strict instructions to drive for you whenever you stay out late. I canât and wonât disobey those orders.â
You know this, which is why you sit in silence with your hands on your lap as if youâre being scolded, and you nod.Â
âOkay,â you say softly. Â
âHeâs worried, you know?â Mr. Ri says after a while. âHeâs been asking me how youâre doing, as if youâre not at the point in your relationship where he can directly talk to you. But Iâve actually been worried about him this past week. He stays up late to work, then goes home to work out. Heâs not himself lately, always out of it and just⊠sad.â
âDid he⊠did he say anything else? About us, specifically?â
âHe didnât tell me if anything happened but Iâm guessing something did, something serious enough that youâd avoid him for days and personal enough that he wonât confront you about it.â
Your face falls, guilt painting it, something Mr. Ri picks up.
âItâs about your feelings, isnât it?â He asks. âYou like him and you can no longer deny it.â
You nod in confirmation, unable to verbalize the words that your heart has been screaming for weeks.Â
âIs it so hard to admit? Is it so hard to talk about?â The older man asks. âI mean, he doesnât tell me anything but Iâve known that man his whole life, ___. Iâll bet a lot and say that he feels the same way about you. Why are you both putting all your effort into avoiding each other instead of talking it out?â
âBecause you know us, Mr. Ri. Weâre the worst at these things,â you shake your head, choosing to disregard his statement that Jungkook may be reciprocating the feelings, knowing youâre not ready to think about it. âAnd you know this, too. Itâs not just about what I feel. Itâs about who he is and who I am and what those imply. Itâs this complicated situation that I wouldnât even be in if I just⊠if I was just strong enough to leave the first time. Or the second time.â
âHey, you know it wasnât about that,â he says. âYou were always strong. You held on even when things were difficultââ
âYeah, I just held on and now Iâm here, caught in between liking my boss and wanting to stay away from him, from his family,â you groan in frustration.Â
But you utter the thoughts that you only rarely entertain, only because theyâre what held you back all those years ago.
âAm I being selfish, for wanting to leave after everything?â You ask. âTheyâve been so good to me. And now that I crossed the line and fell for their son, I want to let everything go.â
âIs that really why you want to resign? Because you like Jungkook?â
âNo⊠it isnât just about that,â you sigh. âOr it is. A big part of it, but also not. I⊠you know Iâve been thinking about this since the whole thing with Mrs. Byun happened, and that was six years ago. But then CEO Jeon asked me to help Hoseok and I stayed. And it was even more important for him that I be there for Jungkook. And I am but now what? How can I continue knowing that I like him? And how can I find myself and learn who I am outside of this when Iâm here, when this is all Iâve ever known and all Iâve ever given myself to? Theyâll always be good to me. I feel selfish by staying, but I also feel that way if I leave.â
âNone of that makes you selfish, ___. You always had a reason to leave and you could have, but there was also always gonna be a reason for you to stay,â he says. âBut they were their reasons, not yours. Whether you stay despite what you feel for Jungkook or leave to find yourself and seek the happiness you deserve, youâre not being selfish.â
You look at the man whom youâve known for years and he sees in your eyes a woman whoâs just asking for any kind of comfort, of any kind of assurance because no else is around to do that.
âWe do what we can at every moment, and we can live with our choices if we know theyâre the best one we can make at that time,â he continues. âWhatever it is you decide to do, I hope you do it for you. Youâre the only person you have to look out for.â
Right outside the door, Jungkook remains unmoving as he processes everything heâd heard, while you continue to talk inside, completely oblivious to how youâve rendered him paralyzed.Â
Jungkookâs meeting with his father ended much sooner than he expected. They merely discussed some happenings with the Board and the lunch that theyâll be hosting on Saturday to welcome some of their familyâs long-time friends who are flying in from Europe.Â
He headed to the support office immediately to tell Mr. Ri that he plans to go home soon but hadnât known you were there as well. But then again, you and their trusted aide - whoâs been his fatherâs chauffeur, bodyguard, and personal assistant for decades - spend a lot of time together, so it didnât feel off to Jungkook that youâd both be talking. Heâs asked the older man to look out for you, too, especially with regards to things that he feels isnât really his place.Â
Jungkook didnât hear much at first, initially deciding to just walk back to his office and call, but once he heard Mr. Ri asking you about resigning, he stopped in his tracks. He felt foolish to be listening in on a conversation heâs not a part of, especially since itâs also because of him.
It shouldâve delighted him to hear you say that you like him. Jungkook couldâve only dreamt up that reality and it still feels surreal. You didnât have a reason to lie and the fact that he isnât the only one seemingly overwhelmed by his own feelings should be a good thing.Â
But that also seems to be your reason for wanting to leave, and the thought breaks his heart in ways he canât explain. Youâve apparently been planning on leaving for years but never got around to do so. If you stayed when his father asked you to, would you do the same if he asked? And he believes that up until last week, your relationship had become the most comfortable itâs ever been. You seem happy here, but why did it also seem like you just wanted to get away?Â
The thoughts make his head hurt, and while a part of him wishes he hadnât heard anything, he at least knows you plan on leaving. And thatâs something he absolutely cannot bear.
The sounds of the chairs being fixed disrupt his thoughts. When he hears Mr. Ri suggest that you should start packing up, Jungkook quietly walks back to his office and nonchalantly calls the older man to inform him that he plans on staying up late and that he should drop you home already. If Mr. Ri notices the odd tone of his voice, he doesnât say anything. He merely expresses his confirmation and not long after, Jungkook hears some shuffling outside his closed door.
âIs there anything you need from me before I leave, Mr. Jeon?â You call out, the walls in between both of you feeling higher and thicker than ever before.
He knows that you know that he no longer asks you to do anything at this hour, and he comforts himself by thinking that itâs your way of letting him know that youâre still there. But the thought is short-lived, as he once again plays the conversation heâd overheard in his mind.
âThereâs none,â he says pointedly. âYou may leave.â
It takes a while but he eventually hears you walk out. Jungkook feels himself breathe for the first time in the last 15 minutes, before he feels suffocated once again.Â
Maybe pulling away last week when heâd been so close gave you the idea that he didnât want you at all, and maybe that had affected you more than he expected. Maybe him, creating more distance that youâd initiated, made you think that thatâs what he wanted after all that. Perhaps his being a coward in facing his own feelings had pushed you away, too, and if youâre scared of what you feel for him, maybe letting you know that he feels the same way is what will make you stay. He could be the happiness youâre searching for, Jungkook convinces himself. He could be what you want and need.
And he already knows that youâre all that for him. Whatever rules he created for himself and the limits he imposed are all pointless if he doesnât have you around at the end of it. If his life after all this doesnât have you in it, thereâs no happiness for him. A new job for you could take you anywhere, maybe far away from where he is; it could lead you to someone, someone who isnât him.
He hates that an overheard conversation about you resigning is what will take for him to finally be honest about what he feels for you. And that potentially losing you by his side is the push he needs to let you know that he wants you, that he wants everything with you, and that he hopes you want the same.Â
Itâs 9:30 PM by the time he enters the car, his head hazy from the two glasses of whiskey he had. Mr. Ri calls him out on another night of him drinking in the office and orders him to get straight to bed like heâd done a few times before when Jungkook had been too stressed and too stubborn to rest. He merely nods though but he follows through, skipping dinner then mindlessly taking a shower before falling asleep in bed after finishing a bottle of beer.
The ringing of the alarm causes Jungkook to grunt and turn off his phone for the peace and quiet that he needs, given the throbbing of his head. But in the silence, he hears the soft knocks on his door, so consistent that he decides to just open it and ask the person on the other side to stop.
But of course, itâs you, and the way you quickly turn your head away reminds him that heâs got nothing but his sweatpants on and heâs too sleepy for anything else to register.
âItâs 7AM, Mr. Jeon. You have an executive meeting at 8,â you tell him, voice so soft and so far away.Â
âFuck,â he groans, rubbing his temples to massage the pain away. âIâll just take a shower. Donât make breakfast anymore. We leave in 20 minutes.â
âNoted, sir,â you say, then walk back towards the kitchen.
Itâs 15 minutes later when his bedroom door opens and he nervously walks over to you. Unable to still remove the image of his half-naked form in your mind, you focus your gaze elsewhere, but he forces it on him when he asks you to fix his necktie, the first time heâd ever done so.
âI was rushing,â he explains.Â
You nod and head to him, hating how your hands slightly shake at feeling so close to him again. You can feel his breath as you watch the rise and fall of his chest. He probably feels as anxious as you, perhaps no longer used to this routine after you stopped it days ago. But you manage without sparing him a glance, keeping your distance and your eyes focused on anything else but him from the walk down to the car and throughout the ride to work.Â
Itâs difficult for you to look at him, not only because youâre ashamed but because youâre afraid of what youâll see. Maybe his eyes will tell of his acceptance of this new dynamic. Maybe theyâll reflect anger and frustration at how youâve disrupted his routine. Or maybe theyâll show sadness - which is what youâre most terrified of - because thatâs your weakness. Any time he looks like he needs comfort or he needs you, you know youâd give in, you know youâd want to be there even if youâve spent the past week staying as far away as possible.Â
You know you donât have much time left here. The Arts Center opens over a month from now and youâve decided to tender your resignation soon after. You know you should be savoring whatever moments you have with him and perhaps thatâs what saddens you the most because you donât know what will come after.Â
Your happiness isnât here, and staying to find out if itâs with him isnât worth it, not when thereâs baggage you carry; not when your own past and insecurities weigh you down.
Arriving in the office, you rush to your desk then walk to his room to give him the notes he needs for the meeting. You turn towards him slowly when he calls you, your name in his voice suddenly sounding foreign.
âCan you prepare me lemon ginger tea? Please?âÂ
His voice is soft, as if he feels burdensome for making such a request. You want to give in so badly and ask how heâs feeling. But you stop yourself. Itâs not the place nor time.
You accompany his tea with pastries, your own request for him to have breakfast, and you get your own, in response to him instructing you to do so. You see from your periphery that heâs trying to catch your attention as the meeting starts, but with this, you hold back. You donât want to see what you now know would be sadness in his eyes.
Jungkook has entered the deepest nook of your heart, you realize. You donât know how you let him get there, and you donât know how to push him out.Â
âAnother night of drinking, huh?â Hoseokâs unusually somber voice disrupts Jungkookâs thoughts as he zones out during lunch. âThe Arts Center getting you that stressed and anxious?â
Jungkook looks at his cousin questioningly.
âI know how you look when youâre tired and this isnât it,â Hoseok responds. âYouâre hungover.â
âIâm fine,â Jungkook huffs, not wanting to get into this with a man who would know when heâs lying.
âYou should be, Kook. Thereâs a lot going on these next few weeks and we need you at your best. Your team has worked so hard for the Arts Center,â Hoseok reminds him. âSo trust them. And donât let them down.â
As always, his words hit Jungkook where they should. Whateverâs going on in his personal life - even if it involves you, his assistant - he has to be professional first, and that means making sure that everything is ready for the launch in six weeks. Thereâs a lot he has to meet and prepare for, and he doesnât know how youâre able to do it. You may be distancing yourself from him but youâre still able to focus and carry out your tasks accordingly. Youâll be fine without him, he thinks. But if youâll go on thinking that he doesnât feel the same way about you, he knows heâll regret it. He knows heâll regret it even more if he doesnât ask you to stay.Â
âYou donât have to worry about me,â Jungkook assures his cousin. âIâve been out of it but Iâll get my shit together.â
âGood. I donât have to remind you that thereâs a lot riding on this. But ___ is there to help. Iâm here, too. Youâve got people who believe in you, okay?â Hoseok smiles, a slice of comfort that Jungkook didnât know he needed. âItâs gonna be okay.â
Jungkook nods and heads back to his office after a full morning has passed, tricking himself into thinking that things will indeed be okay. He just needs to find the courage to face you, finally talk to you, ask you about that night, and tell you what he feels.
But even getting you alone proves to be difficult, as you have your own lunch plans that he didnât want to interfere with, and your own deadlines that he set that he knows youâll make sure to meet.
Jungkook gets caught up in the afternoon in another meeting with some of the Board members who came to visit. Biting his lip in frustration, he manages to not lose his mind as he sits through it, merely hoping to the heavens that you havenât left yet despite the late hour.Â
He speed walks down the hallway once he gets to his floor and almost panics when he sees your work space empty. But he spots your unfinished cup of coffee and he knows you wonât leave without cleaning up. He briefly sighs in relief when he hears shuffling from inside his room, walking closer to find you standing by his desk, with your back facing the door. You place a folder on his tray for signatures and a bound manual for review, then turn around and jerk in surprise when you see him standing there.
âI didnât know your meeting had ended, sir,â you say, the formality grating his ears. All he wants is to hear you speak to him casually again, for you to call him by his name once more.
âIt just did,â he hums. âI didnât know if you were still here. I wanted to see you before you could leave.â
His words catch you off-guard but you try to look unaffected.Â
âIs there anything else you need me to do, sir?â You ask, knowing that heâs past giving you work at this hour on a Friday, but youâre too nervous to think of what else he needs you for.
âNo. IâŠâ he stutters. âYou, uh, youâve been avoiding me,â he manages to say, his eyes pleading for you to look at him.Â
But still, you donât.
âIâm with you everyday, Mr. Jeon,â you insist, your tone cold. âI canât possibly be avoiding you.â
âYou havenât looked at me all week.â
As if in reflex, you glance at him, then shift your eyes on the couch to your left.
âThat doesnât count,â he says, his voice oozing in desperation for you to just spare him some time, something youâve never heard before.
So you give in, as you slowly meet his eyes, and youâre reminded why you didnât want to do it in the first place. Theyâre so sullen. Tired, it seems, but just lacking in light. They were always so expressive, even when theyâre angry, and even more when theyâre sad.Â
âI justâŠâ you start, knowing that with all thatâs happened and with all the stress and pressure he has to endure, you canât be another one in his list to have to try to figure out. You at least owe it to him to be honest.
You look at the door, suddenly conscious of who might wander in your area, and Jungkook takes your cue, closing it once you nod.Â
âSo, why have you been avoiding me?â He asks again, his voice gaining a bit of life now that youâve given him a chance to talk.
âI was just ashamed,â you admit, looking away as the scene from last week plays in your mind again. âI said things I shouldnât have and they made you uncomfortable andââ
âHow do you know that?â He interjects.
âBecause you pulled away!â You say too loudly, lowering your head in embarrassment at the clear frustration youâre expressing. âI thought you wanted to⊠uhâŠâ
âKiss you,â he finishes, earning him the slightest of nods from you.Â
âBut you didnât and I just felt so embarrassed,â you say, your lips quivering now at how much youâre saying, at how much youâre baring yourself to him, unsure if heâll do the same. âThat was completely out of line.â
âYou werenât wrong though,â he almost whispers as he slowly walks towards you. âAbout what I wanted to do. You seemed to want that, too, but we were out there and I⊠I was scared that if Iâd done anything you werenât ready for, then Iâd push you away. I still did anyway. Because youâve spent the entire week avoiding me, talking to me formally, not fixing my tieâŠâ
You stop the giggle that you almost let out, but you canât help your tiny smile as he whines about what youâve been purposely doing.Â
âI just didnât know what to say. I didnât know how to face you after that,â you explain, knowing thereâs so much more to say but that youâll start with this. âBut you avoided me, too,â you suddenly pout.Â
âWhat did you expect me to do?â He exclaims. âYou did it first! You know Iâm not good with these things.â
âNeither am I.â
Jungkook controls himself from kissing the frown off your face and instead, he walks closer. He gets to appreciate you now as he shamelessly eyes your form, the pastel-colored long sleeved blouse tucked inside your white skirt making his heart race.Â
He spots your shy smile as you try to turn away, and he steps closer, wanting to see more.Â
âYou still arenât gonna look at me?â He asks, the soft desperation in his voice prompting you to be bold again.
âI canât. I might lose my mind,â you admit, groaning right after at your own honesty.Â
âIâd quite like that,â he hums. âI⊠I was actually losing my mind all week. It didnât feel right to have you feel so far away. I wanted to fix things but I didnât know how.â
âThat makes both of us,â you sigh, allowing yourself to finally gaze at him in his black suit, the classic look taking your breath away every time. âBut I guess itâs the same with me. I didnât know how badly I wanted you close until you werenât anymore.â
You hesitatingly reach out your hand, an attempt to let him know that close is what you want him to be, but also to see for yourself if this is real, if he really is just breaths away from you, and if he could be even closer.
âIâm not pulling away this time,â he assures you, his boyish smile sending your mind in a frenzy.
Your fingers graze his chest, the way it quickly rises and falls telling you that his heart is probably racing as fast as yours. You fiddle with the neck of his tie before pulling it to bring him closer. He follows your lead, stepping forward and meeting your eyes, seeming like he doesnât want his off of you.Â
âSo uh, are you losing your mind now?â He whispers teasingly.Â
The way he utters the words with such yearning is a contrast to the shy look on his face. Itâs a side of him youâre not ready for, but itâs one youâre thoroughly enjoying. Itâs also pushing you to be even more shameless, as you nod and take his hand this time, placing it on your waist so you could feel his touch again. Heâs gentle, trailing his fingers up and down your sides.Â
âI am,â you manage to say, and you wish he could tell by the way youâre panting that his effect on you is way beyond your control now, and that itâs something you want to embrace. You mirror his smile, soft and warm yet full of desire.
He makes his move, placing his hand on your cheek as he eliminates whatever distance is left. And he stands there, just one breath away.Â
âYou have no idea how much Iâve been thinking about that night, wishing Iâd done things differently,â he heaves, his eyes flitting to your lips constantly, âwishing I had been brave enough to do what Iâve been wanting to do for so long.â
You lick your lips in tandem with his, and once you feel him thumb your cheek, itâs all over for you. With a whisper of his name, you hold your breath, and the next thing you feel is his mouth on yours.Â
He kisses you deeply, expressing just how much heâs been wanting to do this. You smile as you return his desire, suddenly feeling like youâre floating, as if heâs some dream that youâre able to reach, like heâs that beautiful thing thatâs tangible, that you can touch, that you can taste.
You moan once his tongue gains entrance, entangling with yours and dominating you immediately until heâs all you can breathe in. He cups your face, directing it where he wants, while his one hand trails down your back to knead your ass, as if to keep himself steady as he loses himself in you. Your breathing quickens even more as the pleasure rises, and with your fingers palming his chest and gripping his collar, he pushes you against his table.Â
He cages you and keeps you in place while he devours your lips, and you feel him all over you just as you wanted. Youâre hypnotized by his scent, by his warm breath, and by the large hands that now grip your waist and lift you to sit on the edge of his desk.Â
Your mind is hazy, high on the drug that is his kiss, lust-filled and passionate and relentless. You yearn for him even more the longer you taste him, feel him, and thereâs no part of you that wants this to end. Your moans push him to kiss you harder, leaving you a whimpering mess and with a mind that's truly unable to think a single thought outside of this trance-like feeling. His arms now wrap around you, and his hands, seemingly desperate to touch every part of you that he can, trail up and down your back, as if to caress you, as if to say that he wonât stop, that he wonât let you go.
Finally needing air, he removes his lips from yours only to travel to the most sensitive parts of you - on the shell of your ear that his tongue grazes repeatedly, and on your neck that he licks and sucks vigorously. You feel the chills all over your body, and you grind against him to try to satiate that growing need of yours, as you start to feel the dampness in your underwear. His hardening length makes you want everything he can give you, rules and boundaries be damned.Â
This isnât like you but youâve never felt this much pleasure and desire in all your life. Nothing couldâve prepared you for the ecstasy that kissing and feeling him would give. You feel his desperation and desire for you, as he grunts and moans your name, aching to feel more, to do more. You want to live in this moment, and then live it everyday, just take him in and take everything and give him everything.Â
But you shouldâve known that some things are too good to be true. And much as you hope and imagine for things to turn out a certain way in belief that you deserve good things in this world, they donât. Those donât happen to people like you. Thereâs always something underneath it all, as the fantasy shatters like a glass ceiling breaking at his words.
âStay, ___. Donât leave,â he hums against you, the tip of his nose gliding against your neck as he takes in your scent. âPlease donât resign. I canât⊠Iââ
You feel frozen as you process what heâs said. âWha-what?â You manage to ask, your mind slowly waking up now.Â
His lips take a pause at devouring your skin and he faces you, his chest heaving and his eyes glassy and pleading as he repeats his words.
âDonât leave, ___. Donât resign. Stay with me. I need you next to me.âÂ
âWhere is this coming from?â You demand, your heart racing now for a different reason, your anxiety building at how he couldâve known of your plans. You pull away to get a better look at him, with guilt now painting his eyes.
âI⊠I overheard you and Mr. Ri talking last night,â he admits shamefully. âI didnât mean to. I was going to just walk away but you talked about leaving and what you feel about me and I just⊠I froze. I donât want you to go anywhere, ___. I need you here.â
The silence drags on as you let his words settle, words you thought you wanted to hear. But not like this, you realize. This isnât how you imagined heâd tell you he wants to be with you.Â
He attempts to cup your cheek again but you pull yourself back, the rejection breaking him this time.
âYou knew I wanted to kiss you last week,â you start, your voice shaking as the pieces fit together. âYou knew yet you pulled away. You let a whole week pass with this distance, with no attempt from you to talk to me about it, or to even tell me what you feel but then you learn last night, after listening to a conversation you had no part in, that I like you. And tonight, you kiss me because suddenly you need me? Because you want me to stay next to you?â
âIââ Jungkook starts, unable to say anything as you put it the way you do.Â
Heâs wanted you for so long and always had reasons to keep his distance. He tried to gain the courage to talk to you this week, even as you avoided him, but he didnât. There was just so much fear, so much worry about what he should do, about you asking him to forget about it, about possibly pushing you away even more. He didnât intend for things to happen this way but for you to think that heâs only doing this in an attempt to keep you from resigning is all kinds of wrong, even if in hindsight, thatâs exactly what it looks like. He couldâve said something earlier, he couldâve told you what he felt, and he wouldâve been brave enough if he really wanted to.Â
âYou knew how I felt and you kissed me so Iâd stay,â you repeat. âYou hate change and me leaving will change everything for you and this⊠this is how you make sure I donât.â
Stepping down from the desk, you realize how much youâd lost yourself in him, with your skirt bunched up and your blouse all creased. You fix yourself, suddenly ashamed, and suddenly unsure where you stand. It took so much of you to admit what you felt for him and now it seems that he hadnât been into you the way that you thought.Â
You want him with you, but he wants you here, thatâs the difference.Â
âI⊠want you,â Jungkook says, the words suddenly hard for him to say, as he gets choked up at the distance youâre creating. âI guess I always have. I just couldnât do anything because I had to be professional and there were boundaries I couldnât cross. But I couldnât help it. Those donât matter to me anymore. Only you do.âÂ
His pleading eyes ask you to believe him, to understand him this time. But your silence and the way you look at him in disappointment tell him itâs not something youâre able to do.Â
âI never thought youâd feel the same way,â he continues. âAnd now I know that you do and that just means we can figure it out, right? Staying means we get to be together everyday. We⊠we get to have this everyday. Donât you⊠donât you want that?â
This is when you realize that much as you want to believe in his sincerity, itâs hard when he thinks of you as a necessity. You make his life easier. Youâre his assistant, after all. And that makes you unsure if he only wants you because he needs you, or if theyâre just the same thing to him.Â
He didnât even ask you why you wanted to leave. Maybe that should tell you enough.
â___, please. I just want to be with you.â
Itâs also at this moment when you realize just how much youâve fallen for him. Youâd feared that if he asked you to stay, you would, and that means putting another personâs needs ahead of yours again, just like what youâve done all these years. Staying would mean that youâd be unable to find yourself outside of all this, and youâve given up too much not to choose your own happiness this time, even if it means saying goodbye to the person who also makes you happy.
Finding what little strength you have in you, you turn to him. âI donât want to stay, Jungkook,â you say, your heart breaking as you utter the words, even more when you ask him to forget about everything that happened tonight. âWe canât do this. I canât do this with you. Not like this. Iâm so sorry.â
With your smashed heart in your hands, you do the hard thing and walk out the door, leaving in your wake a man whose broken pieces that youâve put together all shattered once again.Â
Walking down the block to get to the bus stop feels like a marathon, as the street feels so long with the heavy burden youâre carrying weighing you down too much. But you manage to get there, only to decide that youâd much rather spend the ride home on your own. You turn to a street to hail a cab then realize once you get in one that it was the spot where Jungkook had seen you, drenched under the rain with a sprained ankle.Â
He healed parts of you that night, with his quiet assurance that you didnât have to go through your struggles on your own. Youâd hold on to that thought months later, though youâre unsure about now - much as things hurt at this moment, all you want is to be alone.
You get off two stops early and mindlessly walk towards the convenience store, thinking that some snacks for dinner would do. You donât really feel like eating but your bodyâs needs are greater than your own desire to eat. Walking down the aisles, you decide youâre only good for some cup noodles tonight. You donât even deserve boiled eggs that you suddenly craved, nor honey chips, and you definitely donât deserve dessert after what you allowed to happen earlier.Â
You stop your movements once you realize youâre sitting on the same spot where you and Jungkook had eaten when he drove you home that night he took you to the park. It had been a terrible evening after that incident with your ex, but Jungkook was the protective one who helped shoulder all the anger that you were too exhausted to feel. He was a reliable and comforting presence, familiar yet new with his warmth. During the occasional moments in the weekend after when your mind would go to that night, youâd think of Jungkook and how he made you feel safe.
It feels too much, so you take your noodles and finish them on the bench outside. You walk home after, letting the crisp evening air envelop you as your mind replays what happened.Â
You donât think youâve ever wanted to feel someone the way you wanted to feel him, but you suppose thatâs why it hurts as much as it does. You wanted him to want you as much as you did, and you were perhaps foolish to think heâd have the same reasons as you. Maybe you were really just stupid for feeling anything in the first place, knowing your place in his world. Youâre everything convenient and easy and familiar and despite the week of walking on eggshells around him, you gave in so quickly. He knew what to do when it came to you.Â
And maybe thatâs on you. You allowed yourself to feel so much for a man whose life is so intertwined with yours that itâs hard to know whatâs real. Yet you know that despite all that, your desire for him is still too strong. Itâs why you had to leave right away.Â
Another moment of him pleading for you to not resign and you mightâve given in again. Another second of hearing him ask you to be with him and you wouldâve believed him - that there was sincerity in all that, that heâd be with you regardless if you stayed in the company or not. Now youâre left with the thought that the convenience was what he wanted, that as he crossed the line, it was all or nothing for him. And that youâd be the weak one, willing to give up what else you could be outside of all this just for him.Â
Perhaps youâre also asking for too much. Heâs used to a life without much consequences to his actions. Thereâs a lot he doesnât know, especially what you had to endure and give up to be here and what you want out of life now that youâre old enough to take control of it. Maybe for him, asking you to stay was that declaration and proof of his feelings; doing so took so much out of him already that thinking of what life would be like without being with you everyday was too hard of a reality to accept or work around.Â
Youâre too out of it that you donât realize that youâve been standing outside your door. Youâre thankful for the weekend at least. Youâll spend half of it in bed, and the other half preparing yourself for how youâll face him again, and how youâll finally say goodbye.Â
You enter and sigh at the warmth inside. Dropping your bag on the floor, you stand by your tiny dining table and take a bite off the apple you find in your fridge. You gaze at your shelf, the one filled with photos of your family and friends and a few more of different sceneries that you took using the disposable camera that Jungkook had gifted you for your birthday. Itâs another reminder of how much a part of your life heâs become, how, of all the people in the world, heâd been the one to show you that capturing moments is a gift you shouldnât take for granted.Â
You often wondered what moments he liked to capture. He doesnât have photos in his penthouse other than those of structures and buildings that are artistically taken. There are framed old blueprints and historical pieces but nothing of him and the people in his life.Â
Maybe he doesnât have good enough memories he wants to keep. For a short moment, you wished that the times he shared with you are ones heâd like to hold onto. But maybe the idea would hurt more - youâll just be a memory like he would be to you.Â
You always wanted to keep only good ones of him, but the sight of him rooted in his spot and in shock as you turned him down is far from something you want to remember. Heâs something you didnât know you wanted, but he stands between you and the life youâve always wished for yourself - one where you get to decide, to be free, to be happy.Â
Heâll let you go and forget all this, you think to yourself. Youâll be the one who walked away. And heâll be the one who didnât run after you.
Jungkook is stunned as he watches your retreating form. The sounds of your heels against the marble floor disappear as he remains unmoving from his spot in his room where heâd kissed you just moments earlier. You felt and tasted just like he imagined, and the moment his lips touched yours, he knew heâd want to keep kissing you over and over again.Â
It was the first time in a long time that he allowed himself to be honest about how he felt, giddy emotions included. It felt freeing to be able to admit all of that to you after all these months of denying it and walking around eggshells when it came to you. Heâd been sure, after last night, that you felt the same way, even more when he felt how your body reacted and how your heart raced, aching for him as much as his heart was yearning for you.Â
You sounded hypnotizing, too. The way youâd moaned his name ignited something in him that none of the women heâd slept with had ever done before, and he knows itâs because heâd never felt anything genuine for them. They were good for the moment but he knew, especially the instance that he felt you close, that he wanted you for more than that. He wanted the soft touches and the gentle whispers, the longing looks and the intertwined hands. He wanted more than he thought he would, but during his most vulnerable state, he uttered the words heâd been dying to say since last night when he learned of your plans.
He asked you to stay. He told you he needs you, that he wants to be with you.
They sounded like pleas and maybe thatâs what they were. From the deepest and coldest nooks of his heart, he was pleading for you to not leave. Heâd finally admitted what heâd been so scared to accept, but all his words did were hurt you.Â
You insisted that all he cared about was the convenience of being together everyday, that you staying meant heâd get to keep all that was familiar. And he doesnât know what would be taken away from you if you did.Â
You wanted him, too, didnât you? Wasnât that enough? And wasnât being with him all that mattered?Â
Sure, thereâd be complications, but those are things he knows youâd both be able to face, theyâre things you can navigate around and figure out together because this isn't just a one-time, spur-of-the-moment type of thing. He wants all of you, everything with you, whatever it takes.Â
He hadnât realized it until that second he held you in his arms. And then again when you pulled away, looked at him with glassy eyes, and told him you couldnât stay.Â
Heâd been too hurt to run after you. He didnât know what to say then. How would he, when youâre the one who couldnât commit to what you felt by staying around? He felt that betrayal, of that feeling of inadequacy, of his feelings for you not being enough. He bared his emotions to you after being so scared of doing so, and then you crushed his heart just like that, with his broken pieces that youâd just put together, scattered on the floor.Â
This isnât like him. Itâs been a long time since heâs allowed himself to feel so much for another person, to care for them, to want them in a way that scares him. But you showed him a life where it was possible to open himself up again, to find out what happiness could feel like this time, and in that same breath, you took it all away.
Heâs not sure where to go from here. But he decides heâll think about that tomorrow. Tonight, he just wants to forget. Tonight, he just wants to wallow in his sadness, erase the memory of your touch and the feel of your mouth against his, and let it all go.Â
Jungkook instructs Mr. Ri to go home. Heâll drive himself, he insists. Thereâs just no one right now he wants to be around.Â
He drinks a glass of whiskey for the road and manages to get home in one piece. He settles on the couch as he finishes another half bottle, then chugs down a few cans of beer after. The image of you gets blurry. His mouth numbs and he starts forgetting your taste on his lips, too.Â
His head falls on the pillow and his hand mindlessly reaches out. Thereâs no heartbeat that he feels; heâs forgotten how fast yours was already. The sound of your laughter and then of your moans is replaced with a buzzing in his ear as his mind starts to fall away.Â
The warmth of your body is gone but somehow he feels hot, so hot but he canât get his clothes off. He struggles a little, his fingers arenât doing their job so he gives up instead, curls into the corner of the couch, and for the briefest moment, he sees your smile so clearly. And then his mind drifts away completely, taking his confusion and yearning for you along with it.Â
At least for now, thereâs not much of you he remembers. But somewhere deep inside, he knows thatâll all change when he wakes up in the morning and searches for you, knowing you wonât be around to tell him that everything is gonna be okay.
Hoseok massages his temple as his sixth call to his cousin in the last half hour remains unanswered.Â
âHeâs still not picking up,â he groans, the unusual feeling of annoyance bubbling inside him at Jungkookâs irresponsibility.
Itâs Saturday morning and some friends of their family flew from Europe last night for lunch at the Jeonsâ estate. This gathering was scheduled in time for their grandfatherâs death anniversary today, and itâs an event that Mr. Jeon was adamant that Jungkook and Hoseok attend as their respective familiesâ representatives and as heirs of the company. Those friends had been there when their grandfather built Jeon Corporation from the ground up, and welcoming them is a sign of respect for that friendship and for the memory of the man theyâre celebrating today.Â
Jungkook had informed Mr. Ri that heâll be driving himself to the estate and promised to be there before 11 AM, as what his father had requested. Itâs half past that and heâs still nowhere to be found. He hasnât been picking up his phone and his friends claim they donât know where he is. Knowing how important today is, Hoseok wanted to accompany Mr. Ri in going to the younger manâs apartment to pick him up and find out why heâs late. When the elder Jeon asks, which he will, Hoseok would at least have a reason to give. It just better be a good one.
They both arrive at the building and are informed that Jungkookâs cars are still in their respective slots. Heâs not in any of the amenities and the guards report that they havenât seen him since he arrived on his own last night. He may not be a fan of these types of events but Jungkook always shows up. He knows what today means for their family; if not for his father, then at least for his grandfather, a man he respected and looked up to. If, for some reason, he failed to wake up, then he must be in a bad condition, and Hoseok either has to scold his cousin, or cover for him.
With no one answering the door, Mr. Ri uses his access and enters. Itâs dark and quiet inside, with the blinds all closed. When he and Hoseok find Jungkook passed out on the couch with an empty whiskey bottle and beer cans on the floor, itâs the same moment that Mr. Riâs phone rings, and itâs your name that lights up the screen.
âHi, Mr. Ri,â you groggily say. âIâm sorry I missed your calls. I had a late night and just woke up. Is everything okay?â
âIâm not sure,â he sighs, as he watches Hoseok pull Jungkook from his cowering form in an attempt to get him to wake up.
âWhat do you mean?â You ask, standing from your bed now, suddenly awake.Â
âI was calling to ask if you knew where Jungkook was. Their family gathering is today and he was supposed to be at his parentsâ house 30 minutes ago but he wasnât. He wasnât picking up our calls either.â
âOh, I⊠I donât know where he is,â you say softly, the mention of his name reminding you of what transpired last night, the image of Jungkookâs dejected look appearing in your mind. You worry about him though, wondering what time he got home. âHave you found him? Is he okay?âÂ
âHoseok and I are at his apartment and heâs passed out drunk,â Mr. Ri states, as Jungkook finally opens his eyes and mumbles some words that the older man has to walk closer to hear. âWhat happened last night, ___? Why is he calling your name? And why is he asking for you to come back?â
It shouldnât come as a surprise to you that Jungkook had spent last night drinking his feelings away. You know enough from your time with him that itâs what he does when heâs stressed or mad or frustrated, and then he wakes up the next morning and hits the gym to deal with his hangover. Thereâs none of that today, apparently, and you stop yourself from instructing Mr. Ri to prepare him some lemon ginger tea.Â
âWhat happened last night, ___?â He repeats. âDid you fight?â
âWeâŠâ you start, knowing that if thereâs anyone who has to know about last night, itâs the man on the other end of the phone. âWe, uh⊠we kissed. And then he asked me not to resign then I pulled away.â
Walking towards the kitchen to hand Hoseok a glass of water, Mr. Ri asks if youâd told Jungkook of your plans, stating that he hadnât told him about it.
âHe overheard us talking last Thursday,â you respond. âHe knew what I felt about him, kissed me, then asked me to stay. He said he didnât want me to go, that he wanted to be with me, and that we could be together everyday. It didnât feel right,â you continue, your voice shaking now as you recall the conversation. âIt wasnât supposed to happen that way. We were supposed to talk about it. He wasnât supposed to use my feelings against me like that.â
âDid you tell him why youâre planning on leaving?â
âNo⊠He just went on about needing me to be with him and I⊠I couldnât bear it,â you say, feeling the tears dance around your eyes. âYou told me that I could always leave but even then, Iâd always have a reason to stay but it would be their reason, not mine. I finally built the courage to decide on this because you know I need this. I donât want him to be my reason this time. Or else Iâll never be able to let all of it go.â
âI know,â Mr. Ri sighs, knowing more than anyone what you mean.Â
Heâll never be brave like you, but he understands that burden, that desire to just be free; he knows what itâs like to be held back even if itâs your own decision. Because at the end of the day, youâll always think you have a debt to be paid. He knows he does, but heâll always believe that you donât. Surviving was always enough.
âBut I think he has to know, ___,â he continues. âHe wouldnât let himself go through this kind of suffering if you donât mean that much to him. You have to tell him the truth. And I mean everything. You owe it to yourself, too. I know he means a lot to you but you canât move forward in any way, with or without him, if youâll just keep him in the dark.â
You let Mr. Riâs words settle. You told yourself the moment you entered the company that you wonât let your past define you, including your relationship with this family. Youâll work hard and everyone else will know you for that, and not for any other reason. You also knew that youâd spend every second of being here trying to prove to yourself that youâre capable, despite the irony that you were the one defining your time here based on your past that you just somehow couldnât run away from.Â
You werenât supposed to feel anything for Jungkook. You couldâve gone on with your plan of resigning without feeling bad that you were leaving him behind. And even in that alternative reality where heâd ask you to stay, it wouldâve been easy to say no. What makes this difficult is that you started to care. You got scared that if he asked you, you would stay. And now that he did, you have to be stronger than your desire to be with him.
Leaving would be hard, but staying would be much harder.Â
You wish it was easy to make him understand. But you suppose without him knowing the truth, he wouldnât be able to.Â
So you give Mr. Ri permission.Â
âI donât know how to tell him,â you say. âYou would. Make him understand. Maybe heâll let me go. Maybe heâll still come after me. And maybe heâll forgive me, too.â
Mr. Ri hums and drops the call. He returns to the living room where Jungkook is now seated upright on the couch, downing his second glass of water and taking medicine to deal with the hangover. The blinds are now up, causing him to squint his eyes. At least he looks alive now.Â
âThat was ___,â Mr. Ri says. âShe was wondering how you were.â
âDid you tell her I look terrible?âJungkook asks bitterly.
âI did. She also told me what happened.â
âWhat⊠happened?â Hoseok wonders. âDid you have a big fight?â
Knowing he has no way out of this, Jungkook tells the truth. âWe, uh, we kissed,â he answers, earning him a gasp from his cousin, who clarifies that while heâs not that surprised, heâs curious as to why both of you arenât together right now.
â___ plans on resigning. He asked her not to,â Mr. Ri answers. âBut you⊠you have to let her go, Jungkook. She needs to learn who she is and what she can do without anything holding her back.â
âIf thatâs her reason, then she has to know that she can keep learning who she is and what she can do here, with me,â Jungkook insists, slowly gaining clarity, as all the words he couldnât say last night suddenly come out so easily. âThereâs so much she can do. If what we feel for each other is the issue and that means she canât directly work for me, then there are other departments where sheâd fit well in. This isnât just about convenience for me. I want to see her everyday but having her around means I get to make sure sheâs taken care of, that sheâs treated well.â
âAnd then what? Sheâll feel indebted to you because of that?â Mr. Ri counters. âThis is more than just developing her skills or building her career, Jungkook. This is about being someone outside of this company. Itâs about doing something without feeling like she constantly has to prove that she deserves what she has.â
âAnd she does. Who does she have to prove anything to? Weâre beyond that. Everyone knows sheâs capable.â
âShe has to prove it to herself. It may be hard for you to understand but she⊠she wonât get to accept all that she is until sheâs ridden herself of the burden she carries. For as long as she works for your family, sheâll always feel it.â
The words feel a little too personal, Jungkook thinks, as Mr. Ri talks about your insecurities as if heâd seen you live them, and perhaps he has. The older man witnessed those first few turbulent weeks, and having known you since you started working here through the CEO, perhaps Mr. Ri had seen how your spirit broke a little because of Jungkook.
But still, something about the way Mr. Ri looks sullenly at him says that thereâs more to what the older man had seen, as if he himself is pleading for Jungkook to let you go this way, as if the care runs deep and the words carry so much more emotion.
âShe needs this, Jungkook,â Mr. Ri continues. âSheâs planned on leaving a few times before but her gratitude towards your family always pulled her back. If you really care about her, you wonât let that happen this time. If you want to be with her, youâll have to do it without her being here. Regardless of what she feels for you, she needs this more. You can let her go without really letting her go, you have to know that.â
It all feels too much and Jungkookâs mind is filled with so many questions. What do you owe his family? How does proving yourself have anything to do with leaving the company? How does he fit into all this? What do you need time away for? And how can he be with you at the end of it? Would you still want that, given that he didnât even ask you why?
âHow are you sure thatâs what she needs?â Jungkook asks, curiosity getting the best of him. Â
âIâve known her for 20 years, Jungkook,â Mr. Ri sighs. âI know itâs what she believes.â
Jungkook may still be dealing with a hangover, but he knows his ears didnât betray him. Twenty years, thatâs how long youâve known the man he trusts with his life, the man his father trusts with his familyâs life.Â
The tale is an open secret. Ri Byung-hun was a kid who grew up in the streets. He tried to steal from Jungkookâs grandfather, whose construction business then was slowly taking off. The elder man took pity on the young teen and sent him to school, and Byung-hun showed his gratitude by working for the family, eventually becoming Jungkookâs fatherâs chauffeur, bodyguard, and closest confidant all in one. The loyalty goes both ways, and itâs stood the test of time.Â
Jungkook doesnât know all the details but he knows enough. What he doesnât know is who you are in Mr. Riâs life, and why Jungkook hadnât heard of you before.Â
âHow do you know ___?â Jungkook finally manages to ask. âWho is she to you?â
âI know ___ because of her mother. And over 20 years ago, Cho Hye-soo was your fatherâs assistant.â
âSheâ what?âÂ
Jungkook canât hide his shock, and neither can Hoseok, who looks just as surprised about the truth as he is. His cousin wouldâve been in his early teens at that time, and as it was when it came to their familyâs children, training to become company heirs starts early, but they donât get immersed until during their late teenage years.Â
âI⊠I know Mrs. Cho,â Hoseok says. âIâve met her several times but I⊠I never knew. They never said anything.â
âIt wasnât something they wanted people to know,â Mr. Ri explains. âOther than both of your parents, Iâm the only other person who does. Too much time has passed for people to make the connection. It was just better that no one knew.âÂ
âWhat else did they not want people to know?â Jungkook asks. âWhat did ___ and her mom do? What⊠what do they owe our family?â
The elder man knew that at some point, Jungkook was going to have to learn the truth. He just didnât think it would have to be under these conditions, and that heâd be the one telling the young man about how your lives are intertwined, that whatever pain you both carried growing up, those would always lead you back to each other.Â
âYour father and Hye-soo were no different to how you and ___ are,â Mr. Ri starts. âHeâd just been appointed President and he was under a lot of pressure - from your grandfather, the Board, the rest of your family⊠He was always stressed and it didnât help that he was a perfectionist, just like you. That obviously affected your family, but it also affected those who worked for him, especially Hye-soo, who felt that she had a lot to prove.â
She didnât have a Seoul education but she was smart and resourceful, incredibly hardworking and devoted, something you inherited from her, the elder man shares. The similarities are striking, and Jungkook braces himself, hoping that they end there.Â
âShe always had to work overtime, including weekends, and that took a lot of time away from being with ___. Hye-soo would leave her daughter in the library where her friend worked, and that seemed to be enough. But of course, it wasnât easy, especially with a partner who lost his job and started drinking to cope.â
As Mr. Ri continues, Jungkook starts to fear something else, and so he asks.Â
âDid⊠did he hurt them?â
âHe yelled a lot,â Mr. Ri answers. âIâd hear it sometimes during breaks when sheâs on the phone with him and it crushed me every time. Hye-soo wouldnât say much, just that he was a good guy who just didnât know how to deal with hardships. She never justified his actions until of course, that piece of shit started hitting her.â
Jungkookâs heart breaks at the words, unable to imagine growing up in a household like that - feeling afraid, unsafe, and unfree.Â
âHye-soo assured me that Kang-ho never hurt ___. She was good at that, at protecting her child. One time, she was called to work on a Saturday and that didnât go well with him, but she⊠she always puts her daughter first, and that meant work would always be her priority because itâs what pays the bills and what sends her to school,â Mr. Ri narrates, his eyes growing more dejected by the second as he recalls those times.Â
âShe was rushing and couldnât properly conceal the bruise on her face. She was worried thatâs why she took ___ with her. Hye-soo kept crying as your father asked her what happened. She apologized for being late and for bringing her daughter to work, and she asked to stay in the office for the night until she figured out where they could go. I had never seen her break down like that,â he says, his voice shaking now. âAnd I wonât forget how scared ___ looked. She was just 10 years old then, clinging to her mother and not wanting to let her go. We were all strangers to her but somehow, she knew that we were there to protect them.â
The silence goes on, as both men take in Mr. Riâs words, but itâs Hoseok who asks what happened after, and eventually, what got you here.Â
âMr. and Mrs. Jeon didnât hesitate to help,â the older man shares. âThey had Hye-soo and ___ stay at the staff house in their estate for a few nights until they got a new place to stay. I helped them get their stuff after Kang-ho figured out what was happening and ran. The police had a warrant for his arrest but they couldnât find him for days.âÂ
Turning to Jungkook, he adds, âyour parents paid for all the legal and medical fees. Because Kang-ho knew they were helping, you all had to go away until he was found. Hye-soo and ___ went to Busan where he couldnât trace them; your parents stayed in one of their houses in Gwangju while you and your brother were in Gwacheon.â Mr. Ri sighs at the memory as he recalls those days. âThe reason why you were in that cabin was so they could protect you. I know you held a grudge against them for years because you thought they just left you there but they couldnât stay with you, Jungkook. You were all in danger and they had to keep you and Jeong-sik safe.â
Jungkook looks back at that night when everything changed for him. Things already werenât going well with his brother; the three-year gap and the way they were always compared kept them from getting along. His parents knew that, yet they still left him with Jeong-sik, who abandoned him in the woods when they played hide-and-seek. Thatâs where Jungkook was left alone, lost and scared under the rain, the thunder roaring as he yelled for someone to come. Heâs always lived with that fear, always carried that memory of anger and blame within him that transformed into a habit of just pushing people away, of keeping them out because that was better to accept than the knowledge that people he trusted left him on his own.Â
But thereâs a reason, he learns now, one that his parents kept from him to protect you and your mother, too. Itâs all too much, but he thinks now that maybe thereâs a reason why you were so patient with him, why you didnât judge him that night at the guest house, why you somehow understood what he was so scared of. He doesnât know if you know that the night at the cabin had anything to do with what you and your mother went through, but regardless, maybe thatâs why he always felt so strongly about you. The connection he was yearning for was always there, itâs tied to something, and he realizes itâs tied to your shared past.
âDid the police find the man?â Jungkook asks now, his headache somehow worsening from all the things heâs learning. But he just wants to know that you werenât even more hurt, that there was a way that his parents kept you safe.Â
âI did,â Mr. Ri responds. âI still had contact with people in the streets, and I left Gwacheon once I got a call that they knew where he was staying. I hunted him down and I handed him over⊠with a bloodied face and a few broken bones. They charged him for domestic violence and a few other crimes, including drug possession that would keep him in prison for years, long enough for Hye-soo and ___ to recover.â
âAnd what about you? Were you charged?â Jungkook wonders.
âNo, I claimed self-defense and Iââ
âBut it wasnât, was it?â Jungkook counters, knowing thereâs more to what Mr. Ri is saying.Â
âIt wasnât,â the old man admits, turning away as he says the words. âI couldâve done more but I⊠I couldnât lose myself to the anger even if it was all I felt. I knew Hye-soo wouldnât have forgiven me if I did.â
âYou loved her, didnât you?â Jungkook says, dawning on him now that everything Mr. Ri had done was so he could protect your mother and you. He realizes that all the times that the elder man looked out for you was because he was looking out for someone he truly cared about, someone who mattered the most to the person who mattered the most to him.
âI did,â Mr. Ri sighs. âI still do.â
Jungkook recalls the night during the team building and the elder manâs words, about the woman heâd loved for so long, and that moving on from her meant expending all that love to those he cares about, and now Jungkook knows that he was referring to you.Â
âDid she know? And did she love you back?â
âShe⊠she asked me to move to Busan with her and ___,â Mr. Ri answers, his eyes faraway as memories of that conversation come rushing back, how heâd wanted to just run away and build a life he never thought he could have with the woman heâd fallen so hard for, but how he had to make the hardest decision then, knowing it was going to haunt him for the rest of his life.Â
âWhy didnât you?â Jungkook wonders.Â
âI owe everything I have to your family, Jungkook,â Mr. Ri explains. âThey gave me a second chance. Your grandfather got me off the streets, your father taught me everything I know, they⊠they had my records cleaned. They did it when I was a kid and they did it again when I was an adult. The only way I could ever pay them back was through my loyalty. I couldnât leave, not after everything theyâve done for me.â
âBut you loved her. She was your second chance,â Jungkook argues.
âAnd that love caused me to commit a crime I shouldnât have. I was going to pay for it one way or another,â Mr. Ri responds. âThatâs how I chose to do it, by letting her go, knowing that Iâd be able to look after her and ___ better that way. Your father would protect me, and I would protect them. Thatâs⊠thatâs how things go.â
Itâs a tragic love story, Jungkook thinks. Two people who feel so much having to let each other go, their own pasts pushing them towards opposite directions. Decisions were made and that pulled them apart. He supposes that reciprocated feelings arenât always enough.
âWhat happened after that?â Hoseok asks now, wanting to know as well how you and your mother managed, and if thereâs any more danger that you face.
âThey stayed in Busan for a few years. They only returned to Daegu after they learned that Kang-ho died in prison after acquiring some respiratory disease,â Mr. Ri replies. âMr. and Mrs. Jeon helped with the move, too. They had me check on Hye-soo and ___ almost every month, just to make sure they were doing well. It was hard, of course. Hye-soo wasnât earning the same as she was so she took another job just to keep ___ in a good school. Mr. Jeon knew that, so he kept offering to pay for her education but Hye-soo always turned him down. That continued until she got to college, and knowing that her mom wonât accept help again, ___ was the one who decided to take the offer. They paid for her tuition, and she eventually got an internship in the company. She took the job offer, too, and sheâs just been working hard ever since, thinking that she has everything to prove.â
âWhy does my father think he can buy peopleâs loyalty just like that?â Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. âIt traps people⊠it gives them no option.â
âI know it may seem that way but your father knows how important loyalty is, and itâs something that he gives, too. He trusts me just as much I trust him,â Mr. Ri defends. âBut when it comes to Hye-soo and ___, it isnât about loyalty but guilt. He blames himself for what happened to them. Even if it was all Kang-hoâs fault, your father always believed that if he hadnât been so demanding, things wouldnât have escalated. It was all the overtime, all the unfair requests that took Hye-sooâs time from her partner, from her daughter. He carries that guilt with him and how he treated her. In a way, I think that was his wake-up call. Work stopped consuming him after. He became considerate of his staff, asking about their families and how theyâre doing. He tried to make it up to you and your brother but that seemed to be the hardest thing for him; he didnât know how to get your trust back.â
âBut wasnt ___ choosing to work here about loyalty? She stayed every time he asked her to. She wouldnât have if she felt indebted to our family,â Jungkook remarks, not wanting to delve into his own relationship with his father.Â
âShe wanted to repay them just so her mom would stop carrying that burden,â Mr. Ri says. âThey were able to get away and build a new life where they were safe because of your parents and for ___, that always meant everything. She planned to work for them, but even a part of her felt that all the opportunities she was given was out of kindness. She always felt she didnât deserve it but your parents also think they canât ever make it up to her and her mother enough.â
At the silence, he continues. âPeople are complicated that way, I guess. We all have our own burdens to carry, our own past to deal with, our own actions to make peace with and accept. We make decisions based on what we think is best and just hope we donât regret them in the future. But we also make them as a way to take control of our own lives. Even if I regret letting Hye-soo go, I at least did it knowing that Iâll either have another chance at being with her, or that someone else will. And someone did, and I know for a fact that he loves her and ___ with all of him.â
âIn that sense, maybe resigning is ___âs way of taking control of her life this time, donât you think?â Hoseok turns to Jungkook, understanding where youâre coming from now, as he knows the feeling of not having to constantly prove yourself to others. âShe finally wants to let that burden go, to live as she wishes without feeling like she doesnât deserve what she has, even if it means not being next to you the way she wants to. If you make her stay, how do you think she can move on from all this? How can you be sure sheâs happy?â
Jungkook takes a deep breath, knowing itâs not enough to process everything heâs learned this morning. Thereâs that past he didnât know he shared with you, thereâs his relationship with his father that he doesnât know how to mend, thereâs his feelings for you, one thatâs still so strong and inescapable.Â
And then thereâs the thought that youâd known everything all along. Youâve been patient with him, you've been kind and understanding. Was that all because you felt like you had to? Because heâs the son of the people you feel that you owe a lot to?
Itâs not that Jungkook doubts your feelings for him, but he wonders if you do. Now that youâre able to make that decision to leave, what if walking away from his family also means you realize that your feelings are tied to that indebtedness, too? How real was it for you? And after you find yourself outside of all this, would you still want him?
The thoughts make his heart break, and this tells him that after knowing everything, he still canât deny what he feels about you. He still wants you just as much. Maybe the familiarity he always felt was because you are familiar. Maybe the connection was because of a painful past you both share, of a kind of pain you both understand. Maybe the intensity of feelings is a remnant from his childhood, one thatâs tied to yours in a serendipitous way.Â
Heâd like to think that even without knowing, you held out for him. You couldâve chosen to leave anytime before he came but you didnât, and your paths crossed this way and he convinces himself that you were always meant to meet each other, that you were always meant to make up for how intertwined and unfortunate your lives are. You never met then but this time, when you did, it meant so much more. He could only hope that itâs something you hold onto as well, and that when you decide to finally walk away, it doesnât mean you walk away from him completely, too.Â
âKook, I know thereâs a lot to think about but you have to get going,â Hoseok disrupts his thoughts. âYour father still wants us at that lunch. I know grandfather would, too.â
âYou should go ahead, Hoseok,â Mr. Ri says. âJust make an excuse to your uncle and say Iâm helping Jungkook fix up. Weâll head there right away.â
âNo, tell him that I know,â Jungkook insists. âIf⊠if heâs always wanted to mend our relationship, he and I have to start being honest with each other.â
âI will,â Hoseok says as he stands up to leave. âGet your head together, alright? Youâre gonna be fine.â
Jungkook massages his temples, knowing that he doesnât have time to get a workout in and rid himself of this terrible hangover. But he tries, as he takes a warm shower and asks Mr. Ri to prepare him a cup of lemon ginger tea and get some ginseng jelly for the ride.Â
The trip to his parentsâ estate starts off quiet, but the thoughts in his head are so loud that the older man asks what else is bothering him.Â
âHow was her time in Busan?â Jungkook asks.
âIt was good. She was a shy kid but she found good people she trusted and that meant everything,â Mr. Ri answers. âI visited them often, even when they returned to Daegu. But I stopped once ___ moved back to Seoul after college. Iâd ask her about her mother every now and then. It was nice to hear how well theyâre doing, and how happy they are with their new family. Min-wooâs a good man and his daughters love Hye-soo and ___ so much. It turned out well for them. When I think about that, itâs really hard not to justify the decisions I made.â
âWill you make them again? If given the chance?â
âIf I still think itâs whatâs best then, then I would. Sometimes we make decisions because of the other person, not exactly for ourselves. Sometimes thatâs how we realize just how much we love them, you know? When their happiness trumps our own.â
Jungkook merely hums. While he doesnât think heâs at that point with you, he cares enough to want you to have that chance to find your happiness, in whatever form that may be. And if leaving the company is what it takes, then he knows you deserve that and more. It doesnât change the fact that he wishes you can search for it while being with him, but perhaps itâs better if you find your way back to him instead. Heâll at least know you chose him, and not because you felt like you owed it to him to stay.
They make it to his parentsâ estate over an hour late. The guests have arrived and Jungkook greets them before finding his father. When their eyes meet, thereâs a look of sadness in the elder manâs eyes. Perhaps itâs understanding; maybe itâs an apology.
His mother gives him a long and tight hug, one that he savors for the first time in a long while. He remained distant from his parents after he decided to pursue further studies and then work in their office abroad. Itâs a relationship heâs still navigating. While his mother has always been present and affectionate, Jungkook is the one who stopped reciprocating. It just seemed easier that way, but he realizes that heâs missed her warmth after taking it for granted all these years.Â
The lunch gathering lasts for a few hours. Jungkook tries to pay attention to the conversations since engaging requires too much from him, especially after the morning heâs had. But his father doesnât reprimand him this time, and for that, heâs thankful. Hoseok keeps him on his toes though, but Jungkookâs mind constantly wanders towards you. He wonders how you got home last night, if you managed to get some rest, and if youâre spending your time being angry at him or if, by any chance, youâre missing him like heâs missing you.
Itâs 5 PM by the time the last guest leaves, and with Hoseok and A-yeong needing to attend a dinner party, Jungkook is left to speak with his parents alone.Â
âI heard you know the truth now,â his father says as he sits across from Jungkook in the garden. âIâm sorry I kept it from you.â
âDid you intend for me not to know and find out from someone else?â Jungkook asks.Â
â___ applied to the company with the intention of contributing in a small way,â his father says. âShe made it without any say from me and thatâs a testament to her skills and capabilities. When we met after her first day, she asked that she not be treated any differently, and I agreed. I stayed true to my word and I kept my distance, but when I heard about how Mrs. Byun treated her, I knew I couldnât just stand back. I encouraged her to apply for the EA position, knowing that she would be treated well. And with that, she asked me not to say who she is - not to Hoseok, and especially not to you. Thatâs not how she wants to be known. And I always respected her request.â
âDoes it make any difference, son?â His mother asks. âDoes knowing who she is to our family change the way you see her?â
âNo, but it makes me wonder how sheâd seen me all this time,â Jungkook says. âShe put up with me despite how I treated her. She was kind even if I was distant. She⊠she let me open myself up and thatâs⊠thatâs why I like her. That's why I asked her to be with me.â
The surprise on his parentsâ faces is immediate, but they stay calm, and itâs what prompts him to continue.
âI just hate to think that she suffered all that time because she still felt like she owed us. If you asked her to stay and help me, she wouldnât have been able to turn you down. And what if⊠sheâs confused her feelings for me for just⊠gratitude towards you?â
âOh, my dear son,â his mother sighs, taking his hand as a form of comfort. âWe are so sorry that all this has caused you to doubt her sincerity but if thereâs one thing we know about ___ is that sheâs genuine, and if you felt cared for by her, then she meant all that.â
âYes, I did ask her to help you, because I knew that if there was someone who could get through to you, it would be her,â his father says this time.
âSo you took advantage of her? Because you knew sheâd do what youâd ask,â Jungkook huffs.
âI did that because I knew that she would care, that she would understand. Thinking about it now, perhaps I asked for too much,â the elder man shakes his head. âSheâs a lot like her mother, and Iâve come to realize that youâre a lot like me. I needed someone like Hye-soo and somehow I just knew that you needed someone like ___. Both of you opening up and finding comfort in each other just happened, I suppose, and thatâs not such a bad thing, is it?â
âI donât know. Because now, she doubts what I feel and Iâm not sure about what she feels, too,â Jungkook admits, letting his own insecurities get the better of him. He hates that heâs started to doubt you as well.Â
âIf it matters, Iâve seen how she is with you. She cares about you, she worries about you. And the way you respond to her just means that your heart feels her sincerity, too,â his father responds. âDonât let anger or fear taint that for you.â
âArenât you mad about what happened?â Jungkook wonders. âSheâs my assistant and I ended up crossing a line. I kissed her. In my office.â
âPerhaps I should be,â his father hums. âBut with her planning on resigning, I suppose youâre already feeling a lot of emotions about that. I donât want to add anymore. Youâre an adult and you know that your actions have consequences. You just have to deal with them now. And donât ever do that again.â
Thereâs no anger in his fatherâs words. In fact, thereâs comfort that Jungkook has never heard before. It suspends his worries only for a short moment, as heâs reminded that you indeed plan on leaving. When that is, he doesnât know. But heâs gonna have to start dealing with your loss just as he needs to deal with his feelings for you. Itâs all too complicated; getting together despite what you both feel isnât that simple. Your happiness comes first. He knows he cares so much that itâs what he wants you to focus on.Â
âLetting her go now doesnât mean you have to let her go for good,â his mother tells him. âSheâll choose you if thatâs what her heart says. And at least then, youâll know for sure that she still wants you after everything.â
Jungkookâs parentsâ words echo in his mind for the rest of Saturday that he spends in his living room, choosing wine as his companion for the evening. Thereâs no intention of getting hammered unlike the night before though. The drink calms him down and allows him to have proper sleep this time. He spends the most of his Sunday in bed, thinking about you, then attempting to remove you from his mind.Â
Not wanting to deal with any more tension, he instructs Mr. Ri that Monday to just drive you straight to the office. Jungkook arrives and sees you stand up to greet him as he walks through the hallway, and he responds with a nod as his own greeting before heading straight to his room.
Thereâs that feeling again - of missing you, of hoping he could fix things but not knowing how, of wanting to ask you to stay but knowing he has to let you go, and of wishing that when he does, youâll find your way back to him again. He shakes off the thoughts during that short walk to his desk, feeling himself weaken with every moment that he spends far away from you.
Jungkook takes his seat and sighs as another day starts without his usual routine. Knowing he has no other choice, he pushes on. From his periphery, he sees you glancing at him through the window, and a part of him wishes itâs your attempt at seeing if you could speak with him, maybe ask if you could talk about what happened later on or about what he now knows about you. Or anything, really. He just wants to hear your voice again. Hopefully see your smile. Despite all his doubts about you, the emptiness he feels tells him that nothingâs changed - what he feels for you is real, and he might not know whatâll happen next, but he at least knows that what he wants is to be with you; he hopes heâll figure out how to do that with you.
He sees you glance at him again and it sparks a bit of hope. That is, until he spots the envelope on his desk, and inside it, your resignation letter.
He tries to act unaffected as he reads what youâve written. Itâs straight to the point, as you narrate your journey in the company, having started as an intern and then working in logistics before finding your footing as the Vice Presidentâs assistant. You list the skills youâve developed and other things youâve learned but that you think itâs time to venture into something new and different, noting how youâll take all your experiences with you in this new stage of your life.Â
You thank him for his guidance, and he almost breaks towards the end when you mention the Arts Center. You apologize for leaving before its completion, but youâre thankful because it allowed you to appreciate the beauty of things, that it made you understand the value of meaning and connection, and that his passion for it pushed you to find something that you want to be passionate about, too. Youâve given him something, and now he knows that in his own way, heâs given something to you, too.Â
You type away on your desktop while not-so-discreetly peeking into Jungkookâs office to see his reaction to your letter. Your plan was to resign after the Arts Center was launched, knowing how big of a project it is that needs all of Jungkookâs attention. He canât be distracted, and a part of you scolds yourself for being selfish about deciding to do this now.Â
But you also knew that you couldnât delay it any longer. After what happened last Friday, you didnât know how you could face him again, especially now that he knows everything. It didnât feel right to continue on, not just because of your feelings but because you crossed a line - you kissed and did all that in his office. That itself is unacceptable; it almost feels like a betrayal to his family, whom youâll have to painfully say goodbye to as well.Â
Mr. Ri visited you yesterday to give you comfort, knowing that youâd choose to go through this on your own again. Jungkook was devastated but was worried about you more than anything, you were told, and somehow that made the decision less difficult but still painful to make. You donât know if heâll ever truly understand, especially if finding yourself means letting him go despite the happiness he gives you.Â
Itâs not everyday you find someone you feel so much for, but then again, human beings are complicated - they can want something and be scared of it at the same time; they can have the chance to have it but doubt it all the same. What you feel for him should be enough to dispel your worries about his sincerity but thereâs too much going on in your mind at this point. Right now, you just want to get away. With him learning the truth, you suppose he needs time to process all that as well.Â
Youâll miss him though. Youâll miss everything about this place. But youâll miss him the most.Â
Your phone ringing disrupts your thoughts, and your heart races when you hear Jungkookâs voice on the other end.
âMs. Cho, please come to my office.â
You calm your nerves and find the strength to get off your seat and walk towards him. Heâd been expressionless the whole time, and you wonder if heâll hold off your resignation because itâs terrible timing. Either way, you try to prepare yourself for whatâs to come.Â
But clearly, you didnât do so enough, as youâre still left speechless when he holds out an envelope for you to take, the sight of his hands that once held you close breaking your heart again.
âI accept your resignation,â he says, his voice low and firm, his eyes not fully meeting yours. âYou have a month until your last day but you have two weeks worth of vacation and I urge you to take them before you leave.â
âThank you, sir,â you manage to say, your voice soft and shaking compared to his. âI⊠I will.â
âAnd this is your recommendation letter,â he says, handing you another envelope. âYouâve shown exceptional skills throughout your tenure here, Ms. Cho. Everyone youâve worked with says so, and Iâve seen that firsthand. Iâm sure that wherever you decide to work after this, youâll be another great asset. And my family wishes you good luck in your future endeavors. Thank you for all that youâve done for us.â
The words are too formal, too professional for your liking, and this breaks your heart even more. But you suppose thereâs no other way to do it. Youâre the one leaving; youâre the one who pulled away. After everything thatâs happened, youâre the one who walked out to find your happiness when Jungkook needed you the most, and you could only hope that one day, heâll forgive you for it. That heâll forgive you for all of it.
âThank you, Mr. Jeon,â you bow in thanks. âIâve said it all in my letter but once again, I appreciate everything youâve taught me.â
You bravely look him in the eyes as he seems to have found the courage to look at you, and the longer you do, the harder it all becomes.Â
âShall I commence the process of finding my replacement, sir?â You ask.
âThere is no need,â he replies. âIâve received approval from my father to have Lucas come in as my assistant effective immediately. Heâs scheduled to arrive this week, so you can spend the remaining time you have here turning over everything to him. I will announce your resignation to the team before then. You can also begin the offboarding process with HR so that there are no delays.â
âUnderstood, Mr. Jeon,â you say, the light in your eyes dimming as each second passes by.
âIs there anything else I could do to help you, Ms. Cho?âÂ
Thereâs a prolonged moment where you and Jungkook just look at each other, his eyes tinged with a kind of sadness that you perhaps mirror, with words swimming in your own heads that neither of you wants to say out loud.
You wish heâd say that heâs okay, that he forgives you, and that he hopes it didnât have to be this way.Â
He wishes youâd say that youâre sorry for leaving him, that youâll be thinking about him, and that you hope youâll find your way back to him again.
You want to tell him that heâs all you could think about, that youâll miss him everyday, that youâll search for beautiful things that are tangible like you said you would, and hope they would lead you back to him.Â
He wants to say that heâll look for you everywhere, that heâll hold onto every good memory you have together, that he hopes you find whatever makes you happy, and that heâll wait for you until you realize that it could be him.
But the moment passes and then itâs gone. You bow once more and head out the door.
You take your seat and will yourself not to cry. You canât help it though, even as you press your palms against your ears to drown out the sounds of your own sadness, of your heartâs call of his name even if youâre the one walking away.Â
You let the tears fall, a reminder that youâd done this, and that for the first time in your life, youâre crying over losing someone, even if he was someone you didnât have in the first place.Â
Maybe you werenât meant to have him at all.Â
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i never thought youâd happen to me - 1
part two / part three
pairing: bucky barnes x curvy!reader
warnings: 18+ only. smut (part two), fluff, bit of angst. time travel via magic. dad!bucky and mom!reader. steve x nat. some morally dubious homemade porn viewing đ (part two). if iâm missing anything that should be tagged, please lmk!
words: just a bit over 6k.
notes: this idea came from a prompt post i saw not too long ago and coincidentally fell into some bingo spots for my @the-slumberparty bingo card.
fair warning: this is so completely self indulgent and a little trope overload lol but i had such a good time working on it and it was fun to write so who really cares đ thank you in advance for reading and reblogging! as always, comments and reblogs are more than welcome and so appreciated. please let me know what you think! đ„°
Itâs another late Friday night as you and the team lounge around the common room, nearly empty takeout containers scattered around the table, glasses and bottles of your drinks much the same. Thereâs a movie no one is watching playing on the large screen as the current conversation around you continues.
Youâre not sure how telling a story from your last mission with Bucky has turned into this once again, but here you are. Another cute remark from Sam about his expectancy to be in the wedding party earns him another glare from you.
âHey, you side-eye now but in ten years youâll look back and realize how right we all were,ïżœïżœïżœ he says, elbowing Bucky slightly. âTinman by your side,â he adds with a grin - clearly amused with himself.
âThat is not my future,â you say with a humorless chortle.
âI can show you your future,â Wanda speaks from her spot on the couch, everyone turning their heads at once to look at her. Sheâs been unusually quiet the past few minutes - not engaging much in the conversation as she observed it instead. She takes another sip of her wine as she meets your gaze, foot swinging lazily as she keeps one leg crossed over the other.
She tilts her head at you while you eye her with a raised brow, a look of incredulity on your face.
âWhat?â she questions, confused at not only yours, but everyoneâs, lack of response.
âCome on,â you laugh lightly, brushing her off.
âIâm serious.â
âWanda, I donât need to see what my future looks like to know that Bucky will be playing no part in it.â
A round of scoffs, snickers and a groan erupt from around the living room as you roll your eyes. You catch Bucky, seated across from you, doing the same as you turn your face.
âYouâre all very funny, and Iâm glad youâre amused with yourselves, but I canât sit here and listen to the same inane conversation over again, soooo,â you pause for a breath, âIâm going to bed,â you clap as you stand from your spot on the couch.
âLook, I donât speak for everyone, but I am not joking in the slightest,â Kate laughs as she leans back into her seat. Aiming finger guns at you and Bucky, âYou guys,â she says, âare endgame.â
âAnd you, my friend, are drunk.â
Another round of laughs before the previous chatter resumes among the group, a story of misadventure now being told from Parkerâs perspective, and you can hear Starkâs interjections already.
You grab your empty glass and head to the kitchen, Wanda following shortly after you.
âYouâre stubborn,â she says with no preamble.
You turn with a quirked brow, âAm I?â
âVery. So much so, I think I may need your permission.â
âSorry...uhm, for?â you ask, clearly confused.
âI think you should see it.â Your face falls slack at her words as you turn back to finish washing out your glass.
âWanda, -â you go to laugh again.
âNo, actually,â she stops you, correcting herself, âyou need to see it. Youâre stunting yourself. Youâre constantly getting in your own way. I think itâd be good for you, to see what you can have if you finally allow it to come to you.â
You're quieted by her sincerity for a moment, half because you werenât taking any of the previous conversation seriously, and half because you didnât think it was something she was actually capable of doing. In fact, you still didnât. But if she wanted to try, who were you to argue.
âUhhh,â you begin, shaking your head lightly, âI mean, if you really want to, then, go for it, I guess. You have my permission.â
âGood,â she smiles, turning to walk back out to the otherâs.
âWow, wait,â you stop her, âlike, what exactly are you gonna do?â
âJust a swap,â she says simply. âA day in the life of your future self. You donât have to do anything, just go to sleep tonight and youâll see.â
Your eyes narrow in thought, â...This isnât dangerous, right?â
âNo, not at all. You guys will be fine. 24 hours and youâll wake up in your own beds, safe and sound. I promise.â
She smiles and flits away quickly. You shake your head at yourself again, still unsure what exactly youâve agreed to. And it isnât until youâre walking down the hallway back to your room that what she said actually catches up to you.
You guys will be fine?
You stop walking when you hear footsteps behind you, glancing back to find Bucky coming down the hall. You swallow hard and turn back around, not far from your door.
âStalker much?â you say without facing him, earning a scoff in return.
Heâs barely a step behind you now, though his sudden proximity is not all that surprising. Youâve grown used to his stealth.
âIn your dreams.â
âMore like waking nightmares. Every time I turn around itâs like youâre always just right there.â
âMaybe if you didnât put yourself into jeopardy every five minutes I wouldnât have to shadow you so often.â
Youâre walking side by side and you get to your door as he speaks. You turn on him, instantly irritated.
âAre you being serious?â you level at him. He doesnât respond. âHow are you still hung up on Belarus? It was one mission. That was not on me, I didnât fuck up. No one else saw them coming, either,â
âI did.â
âWell, sorry Iâm not as infallible as the one and only Bucky Barnes,â you speak exaggeratedly, annoyance clear in your tone. âYou still act like Iâm some kind of liability. Iâve been careful. Iâm riding a lengthy no injury streak and weâve still yet to fail a single mission. After how many assignments weâve been on together, you think youâd start taking me more seriously.â
âI never said I didnât take you seriously. Just think sometimes youâre still a little too cocky for your own good.â
âFor the thousandth time, Iâm not clueless, Barnes. I donât need you monitoring my every move. Not during training, not on missions, and definitely not walking down a hallway at night. I think I can handle getting to my room alone. Or is assuming that too cocky of me?â you ask with a tilt of your head, sarcasm dripping off your tongue.
You donât wait for a response before you turn to your door and let yourself in, snapping it shut behind you.
You flick on the light and are quickly greeted by a room that is⊠definitely not yours. You pause for a second, taking in your surroundings before you deflate with a sigh, following it up with a deep breath. You turn the light back off and then turn back around to the door. You wait for a second longer with your hand on the handle before you force yourself to exit the room.
Just like you knew he would be, Bucky is still standing right where you left him; a stupid smirk on his stupidly handsome face.
âWrong room,â he says.
âFuck off,â you grumble as you walk a little further down the hall, to your actual door.
âGoodnight to you, too,â Bucky says as he continues to his own room, not far from you. You send him a glare and a âhmphâ before shutting your door and getting ready for bed.
Youâre not helpless. Youâre not clueless. Youâre damn good at what you do. But fuck if Bucky doesnât have a knack for knocking you off kilter with a single look.
â-
Itâs a soft shaking that wakes you from your peaceful sleep. Youâre so comfortable, you donât want to move - you donât even want to blink open your eyes. But the shaking comes again. Your brows furrow as your arms tighten around your pillow and you cuddle further into it.
Only itâs not your pillow.
It takes a second for you to process that instead, itâs a warm body youâre pressing yourself against before your eyes snap open.
You look up and find a confused Bucky staring down at you.
When your eyes meet, though, thereâs a bit of softness there. And as you take in his face, you relax a bit again. His presence beside you is at once comforting as it is confounding.
âWhat are you doing?â you both ask at the same time - only furthering your confusion.
You suddenly realize youâre still wrapped around him and quickly sit up and give him space.
âWhy are you in my bed?â you ask as you rub your eyes with the palms of your hands.
âI was gonna ask you the same thing,â he says as he looks around, âbut I donât think weâre at the tower.â
You look up and blink away the fuzziness. Then it hits you.
âOh shit,â you murmur.
âWhat? You know where we are?â he asks as he stands and starts looking around, inspecting the room. âBetter yet, how the hell we got here?â
âMaybeâŠWould you believe me if I said we might possibly be in the future?â
Bucky turns and looks at you incredulously.
âWanda,â you speak at the same time.
âFor fuckâs sake,â he says as he runs a hand over his face.
âIn my defense,â you begin, âwhen I agreed to this, I didnât think sheâd be able to do it. I also didnât think itâd involve anyone else..â
âWhat do you mean you agreed to this? What is this?â
âShe said I needed to see the future. Itâd be good for me, or whatever, so I said okay. She said it was uh, a future swap? 24 hours. Day in the life and then Iâd wake up back in my own bed the next day.â
âAnd you agreed to it?â
âFuckinâ, yeah, obviously,â you huff. âI didnât think itâd be.. Real? I donât know.â
âSo, so what? Weâre stuck in some unknown future for the next 24 hours?â
âWhat part of âI donât knowâ do you not understand?â
âWhy would you agree to something like this without fully knowing what it is youâre agreeing to? This is exactly what Iâm talking about when I say-â
âSpare me, Barnes. Itâs Wanda, okay? Weâre fine. Itâs 24 hours, and Iâm assuming that clock started when we fell asleep last night, so really itâs onlyâŠ,â your voice dies down as you look to the clock on the bedside table. The time isnât what catches your eye, though.
No.
Itâs the framed photo behind it that derails your train of thought.
âNo fucking way,â you breathe as you grab it in disbelief.
You stare at the photo of you and Bucky, a close up of you in a sweet embrace, adorning soft smiles as you share a chaste kiss, your left hand touching his cheek, and what you can only assume is a wedding ring sitting pretty on your finger.
This has to be some kind of dream. Thatâs it. Youâre dreaming. Duh. Your hand moves before your mind does and you slap yourself in your face as hard as you can manage, sure itâll wake you up and youâll be back in the tower, in your own bed, alone.
âWhat the fuck?!â Bucky exclaims in surprise as you wince slightly and hold your cheek as it stings. He walks over to you, becoming more tentative as you look up at him.
ââM not dreaming. Are you?â
âNo, Iâm wide awake, believe me,â he says as he gets closer. âDonât slap me, either.â
You eye him harshly before handing him the frame.
âWell, it.. Explains why youâre here, at least,â you say, voice quieter than you intended as your thoughts were still reeling. âWeâre not just in my future, weâre in-â
âOur future,â he finishes as he stares at the photo himself.
âYeah.â
âSo, our roomâŠâ he says more to himself than to you. He makes his way around the room, pulling open drawers and looking in the closet as you stand and head for the bathroom.
You meet yourself in the mirror, sure enough, you still look the same. Youâre you.
Walking back out into the room, you head for the window, pulling back the curtain. As you peer out, youâre expecting to see a skyline, or city street, but instead youâre met with the view of an open yard.
You pull away from the window in surprise, âAre we in a house?â
You turn to Bucky, who turns to face you. You both head to the bedroom door, you following behind him as he takes the lead.
Itâs a house. Definitely a house.
The bedroom door leads to a long hallway, three doors along the right back wall, another door at the far end opposite your own, and to the left of that, on the left wall, is another room.
In the middle of the hallway is an opening, and you and Bucky turn there without inspecting any of the other rooms.
You find yourselves in a living room, before walking into the kitchen.
âWe should look around,â you say in a whisper - why, you arenât sure.
âWhat exactly are you planning on finding?â he questions as you pull open a drawer, sifting around.
âI donât know? More information. Like what weâre doing here. What we do. What year it is. Maybe we learn something and itâll send us home sooner? I donât know, just, something,â you answer, on edge already by being surrounded by the unknown and only growing more agitated at his every word.
âWhy are you getting mad at me?â
âIâm not getting-,â you stop yourself, taking a breath, âsorry. Okay? I thought you were trying to be a dick,â
âWhy do you assume Iâm being a dick?â he asks, annoyed himself now.
"Because you always act like a fucking dick!", you nearly yell as you slam the kitchen drawer shut.
"Fucking dick!"
You both freeze at the high, sweet-sounding voice that comes from behind you. Your brows furrow as you glance at Bucky, his reaction to the mirthful echo much the same as yours, before you both slowly turn around.
The sight you're met with has you both frozen in shock.
A set of twin toddlers clad in matching pajamas, both of whom bear a striking resemblance to you and Bucky, are staring at you both.
You can't explain why, but your heart is gripped by the mere sight of them. It's something more than just their cuteness, it's something instinctual. How it's possible, you're not sure, but you know, somehow, that they're really yours. Future or not, those are absolutely your kids.
It seems with each passing moment, you and Bucky are left more and more stunned by how your future is turning out, but as you notice the little boy's eyes watering and the pout on his little lips as he looks right at you, you can't seem to care about anything else.
âHey, buddy,â you squat down and hold your arms open for him, and he waddles to you right away as his eyes well more and more. He hugs you, still pouting as he cuddles into your chest and you hold him tightly as you stand, exchanging another glance with Bucky who looks nearly stupefied until the soft voice of the girl rings out once again.
Your eyes shoot to her as she twirls around clumsily, a chant of "fucking dick" leaving her lips over and over before she starts to tilt, seemingly having made herself dizzy. You're about to gasp, moving forward instinctually as you watch her wobble a bit more, but she's in Bucky's arms in an instant as he grabs her before she falls.
"Woah, there, sweetheart," he says with a small laugh as she dramatically goes limp in his arms. An exhausted breath leaves her little lungs as she breathes out the repetition one final time. She then lifts her tiny hand up to Buckyâs cheek, effectively slapping him as she plants it, blinking up at him. âWhatâs this?â she asks him curiously as she smooshes his face, feeling his stubble.
âUhhâŠItâs hair. I havenât shaved - Ow,â he exaggerates when she interrupts him and pats his cheek again, a bit harder this time, though you know it didnât hurt him in the slightest. It makes the girl laugh, though.
âYou should shave, Daddy,â she advises, pulling a face.
Her words pull a breathless laugh from him as he gazes down at the small girl, a lump forming in his throat as he takes everything in. He feels crazy, but he can see you in her, and he can see himself, too. Her and her brother, they both look like the perfect little combinations of the two of you. And theyâre both so comfortable with you guys. So at ease and uninhibited, just like children should be..
Itâs a stark contrast to how he grew up and he canât help but feel a sense of accomplishment, of pride, knowing that he isnât repeating the cycle he swore would die with him.
Heâd stopped letting his mind wander to what if futures long ago, but when he did imagine what itâd be like to have a family of his own, this is the kind of peace he longed for. The happy, settled down future he was sure heâd never have.
And you.
Your hand has been mindlessly rubbing the boy's back in an effort to comfort him as he cuddles into you, that never faltering pout pulling every string your heart has as Bucky attends to the girl relaxing in his arms.
"Linc's sad, Mommy," the girl says, pointing at her brother. The title has you swallowing hard, your heart clenching at how sweetly she calls to you.
Linc?... Must've been Bucky, you think briefly before you gently pull him away from you slightly so you can see him better, his bleary blue eyes peering up at you.
"Why are you yelling at Daddy?" he pouts still. Your brows furrow and mouth parts on an inhale, as if you're going to answer him, but nothing comes out as you try and think of what you can say. His innocent question stumping you.
"It's alright, pal, we were just kiddin' around," Bucky offers as he gets closer to you both. You look at him, a bit guilty but thankful for the save.
"Can we have pancakes, Daddy?" the girl asks as she wriggles around like a worm in his hold.
"Pancakes! Please!" Linc smiles as he continues hanging onto you, seemingly happy with Bucky's defense of you - any qualms he had long forgotten as heâs now focused on the mention of pancakes for breakfast.
"Sure," you answer for him, acquiescing easily with a smile before looking to Bucky with wide eyes.
Youâre not entirely sure how exactly this all happens, but somehow you end up married with two kids. As shocking as it is, and as confused as you are about how, a part of you is grateful - maybe even happy - that Bucky is here. He may be an ass a lot of the time, overbearing and micromanaging your every move, but you guys have been through hell and back together. Partners from the very start of your time as an Avenger. If youâre being honest, this future makes more sense than you previously wanted to admit.
In an attempt to not freak out the twins, you know you have to play the part. Act like nothing is out of the ordinary and that you are indeed their mom. You are, technically, but you donât have any idea what the hell youâre doing or whatâs wholly needed of you. Youâve nannyed before, though. You know the basics..
"Have we brushed our teeth yet?" you ask the twins, sure the answer is a "no". Your and Bucky's arguing clearly is what woke them up, the yelling must have led them out here from their room.. Rooms?
"Mhm," the girl hums, though just from looking at her, the lie is evident as she avoids looking directly at you.
"Don't lie, Ellie," her brother chastises.
Ellie.. That must've been me, you think with a twitch of a smile before you set Linc down.
"Alright, go with Buc- your dad, and I'll start on the pancakes," you instruct before the twins burst out in giggles. You frown, brows furrowing as you watch them, hoping they'll let you know what exactly is so funny.
"No, we want daddy's pancakes, Mommy!"
"With chocolate chips and syrup!"
"Yeah, they want Daddy's pancakes, Mommy," Bucky taunts with a smirk as you shoot him an annoyed look. He seems a lot more comfortable now than he was a few minutes ago, and you canât help but notice how easily he seems to be taking this; easing into his role in this place and time. Heâs good.
"What's wrong with my pancakes?" you press the toddlers.
"Daddy's are better, but it's okay, your grilled cheese is the best,"
"Yeah! Oh, can we have grilled cheese for lunch, Mommy? Please, please, pleeease," Ellie begs cutely, leaning to you while still in Bucky's hold.
You huff a laugh, agreeing as Bucky sets Ellie down to follow you.
"See if you can find anything," you tell him as you meet his eye before following after the tikes pulling on your hands.
"Don't forget the chocolate, Daddy!"
Bucky watches as you're led to the bathroom before he starts moving around the kitchen. He's about to start looking around for more information on when exactly you are, and the kind of life youâre living, but thinks better of it for now. He'd rather not have two toddlers throw a fit over unfinished pancakes on top of everything else he's trying to wrap his head around at the moment.
He finds the pantry and grabs all the ingredients he needs for his mom's pancake recipe - the one he knows by heart- and gets to work on the batter. The chatter from the kids and you in the bathroom floats into the kitchen and he canât help but smile at the sound of your voice as you talk to them.
He soon loses himself in the simplicity of the task at hand, and how nice it is to be here like this. He's in pajamas on a Saturday morning, making breakfast for his family as they start their day..
Seems entirely unreal, but a dream nonetheless. And as if that wasnât enough to have his thoughts in a flurry, he still can't shake the feeling of how nice it was waking up with your soft body pressed against his. Opening his eyes to discover the warmth beside him was you. He was confused at first, wondering when and how youâd gotten into his room, but more so concerned about the why. He watched you for a minute before he noticed the bedding draped over the both of you. It wasnât his and when he looked around the room, he realized he had no idea where you guys were. You were wrapped around him as you laid together in the comfy king bed, and it took him a second to try to wake you up. He knew he had to, of course, but if he was honest, he didnât want the feeling to end. Your hold on him was comforting and he was completely at ease in your embrace, circumstances be damned. It was a feeling he hadn't felt in ages.
Though, that wasnât entirely true. He remembers the last time he felt that way, and of course it was with you. You were stuck in a shoddy motel off the highway during a storm, the crappy jeep youâd been traveling in finally gave out half way through your drive back to the compound and you guys had no choice but to crash for the night. Of course the motel only had one singular room available with one singular bed. After some back and forth, you both decided youâd just share. It was big enough for the two of you, with space in between. When Bucky woke up that next morning, though, he found himself holding you tightly from behind, your arms wrapped over his as you slept peacefully in his embrace. He remembers the heat that crept up his neck and the flurry in his stomach that he still refuses to acknowledge as butterflies. He quickly loosened his hold and slipped away from you before you could even bat an eye. You were still none the wiser. He thought about that morning a lot after it happened.
He wondered what wouldâve happened if you had woken up, too. What you wouldâve said, what he couldâve said to you if heâd finally gotten out of his own way..
He canât dwell on it anymore, though. He hasnât. He wonât.
Except maybe he does.
And seeing as this is your future together, he thinks maybe thatâs not as hopelessly embarrassing as heâs made himself believe it is.
And god, the sight of those kids. The warmth that bloomed in his chest as he took in their faces, he honestly was worried he would start crying if he stared too long. He had long given up on the idea of starting a family, he didn't think this life would ever be in the cards for him, and especially not with you.
But as he stood pouring chocolate chip pancake batter into a sizzling pan, he was struck by how right it felt.
Obviously, it wasn't right, neither of you should be here right now, and it made him wonder where exactly the future you and him were.
As soon as the thought went through his head, a tablet he hadnât taken notice of on the back counter dinged.
He flipped the pancakes before he went to get the pad, taking the tablet in his hands. His face unlocked the device easily and opened up to his email account.
He clicked on the new, unread message from.. you?
â-
Hey Bucky.
Wanda says this is unnecessary but if I know me, Iâm still probably freaking out internally. So, just letting you know that everything's fine. Or so she says.
We're gonna be back to our respective places in time come tomorrow.
I know waking up in the future - especially our future - may be hard to wrap your heads around, but itâs a hell of a lot better than waking up alone to a preening Wanda staring at you, trust me.
And you guys arenât as oblivious as you try to be. You know, deep down, exactly why youâre there. Together. - and why it isnât all that crazy.
And this goes without saying, but obviously, take care of the kids. Eleanor and Lincoln. If you havenât found them yet, theyâll find you, Iâm sure.
Today at 2pm, you need to drop them off at 7314 Wisteria Drive. That's Steve and Nat's house - so don't make it weird. They're keeping the kids so we can celebrate our anniversary.
Funny how that lines up..
So, anyway, apparently all we need to do on both ends is enjoy the 24 hour downtime. Weâll be waking up in our own beds before we know it.
Okay.
Bye.
(Iâd say I love you but I donât wanna freak you out. x)
â
Bucky just stares down at the email blankly while his brain tries to catch up. He's gonna have to have you read it yourself. Before he can fixate on that last line in particular, he can smell the browning of the pancakes.
His attention quickly returns to the food as he starts to plate it, shutting off the burner. The kiddie plates he finds in a cabinet earn a half smile from him as he cuts up the pancakes for the kids and spots their booster seats, placing the plates before them.
He hears them before he sees them as they come down the hallway, all laughs.
You appear just after they do, a look on your face he can't turn away from. Your soft smile and the adoration swimming in your eyes as you watch your kids, both of them waiting to be lifted up to sit down, is.. beautiful.
He catches himself staring before he turns his focus back to the table, lifting Eleanor into her seat before lifting Lincoln in his, earning a "thank you, daddy," from each of them in return, a wave of astonishment and pride coming over him yet again. Heâs not sure if heâll ever get used to that.
You listen as they talk back and forth about their pancakes and their laughter when they start playing with one another as they eat their lightly syruped bites.
You stand by Bucky, absentmindedly grabbing a pancake and biting into it, stopping almost immediately as the fluffiness catches you off guard. God, they were so right. These are amazing.
"Good, right?" Bucky's voice pulls you back as you swallow your bite.
You lick your lip before looking over at him. "Did you find anything?"
He hands you the tablet and watches as you read the email.
You click your tongue, and then stay silent for a minute.
He almost canât believe it when you do it, looking at you incredulously once again after you suddenly slap yourself in the face once more.
"What the fuck are you doing?" he bites quietly, moving to stand in front of you and blocking your view of the kids momentarily.
"Just had to make sure," you reply, again cringing at the stinging of your cheek. You eye him before making a move to slap him, too, but he grabs your hand before you can make contact. He looks at you like you're insane as you huff again. "So this is..."
"This is real," he finishes for you. "That hard to believe, huh?"
"That's an understatement. So, Iâm not dreaming. But are you sure youâre not dreaming?"
âYou think my dreams involve waking up in the future with no memory of whatâs gone on between me going to sleep to waking up? Thatâs a literal nightmare for me. Plus, I learned a while ago how to differentiate between my dreams and reality. Trust me, weâre not dreaming.â
You swallow thickly, an apology on the tip of your tongue. You hadnât considered that before. Before you can voice your thoughts, though, you're distracted by the interaction between the kids at the table.
"Linc, I'll give you a piece and then you give me one of your piece, okay?"
"You take this one," Linc says as he gives his sister a piece off of his plate and she gives him a piece off of her's.
You can't help but chuckle at the exchange.
"We make cute kids, though," Bucky says, almost under his breath. But you still hear him, and you respond before your brain catches your tongue.
"Yeah, we do."
You push off the counter as Bucky watches you, surprised that you heard him and even more so by your agreement, though it'd be impossible for anyone to argue that your kids arenât, in fact, ridiculously adorable.
"Do you guys want -"
"Orange juice, please!" Ellie answers before you even finish asking.
"And water, please," Linc follows.
"OJ and water, you got it."
----
You and Bucky get the kids ready to go to Steve and Nat's with minimal arguing... until you had to pack their bags.
What they should or shouldn't take with them was a point of contention as you ridiculed each other's choices. After your bickering and some input from Ellie and Linc, you guys just hoped they had everything they needed. You'd unnecessarily packed them three outfits each just in case of spills or messes and their diaper bag was loaded full, too. Maybe too much for one day, but better safe than sorry, right?
After loading the twins in the car, Bucky followed the GPS to the address you'd left in the email.
When you guys pulled up to the house, you were greeted by Natasha who was unloading groceries from her car. The domestic scene warmed your heart. She deserved the simplicity, the normalcy, and you were happy to know that one day, sheâd have it.
She lit up as she saw you guys approaching and came right over, going straight for the back door.
Linc and Ellie were all smiles and giggles as they tried fruitlessly to escape their car seats in favor of being in Nat's arms.
"Bugs!!" Nat greeted them with an enthusiastic smile as she started working on their belts. "I've missed you guys so much! How long has it been? Ten years?"
They laughed in unison at her before Ellie corrected her. "Yesterday, Aunt Nattie!"
"Yesterday?" she questioned in faux disbelief.
She wasn't able to keep up the play, though as the second they were out of their seats, they nearly tackled her.
You watched Steve come outside, coming up to the car with a grin, a girl no more than ten and another toddler, maybe a little older than the twins, in tow.
"Get them inside for me, honey," Nat said to the oldest one. She looked nothing like either of them, dark hair and dark eyes, but still it was clear she was their daughter. The younger one looked like Steve, though, and you wonder briefly if that was just by chance or if theyâd had a surrogate. Natasha had talked about the possibility before, and of adopting, but starting a family wasnât something any of you were actually considering at the time, settling down and having kids wasn't really your focus when you were all trying to make sure the world wouldnât be ending tomorrow. "We'll be right in. And pick a movie for the sleepover before your Dad does," she pretended to whisper, earning a laugh from the girl as she corralled the kids up the porch.
Nat turned her gaze back on you and Bucky, her stare nothing less than scrutinizing.
"Are you guys in pajamas?" she asked with a raised brow.
"Mh, uh, yeah," you laughed a little breathlessly before looking back at the house, distracted. "They didn't even say bye," you said in your disappointment. You'd only just met the kids, but you felt so instantly connected to them.
"Don't worry about them, they're gonna have fun tonight. And so are you two," she says pointedly, if not a bit suggestively, pulling you from your thoughts. You feel the heat that creeps up your skin and refuse to look at Bucky.
"What are you guys doin' tonight, did you decide?" Steve asks.
"Staying in," Bucky blurts out as you blink and smile. But their faces at that, their smirks of acknowledgement make you grow hotter as you try to not let your embarrassment show.
"Mhm," you hum tight lipped.
It's quiet for a moment as you all watch one another before Steve breaks the silence.
"You guys are acting weird."
"Are we?" you question back too quickly.
"Yeah. You are," Nat says.
"Sugar," Bucky blurts out again. "They're loaded up on sugar. Sorry, they really wanted pancakes this morning. But uh, look, thanks for watching them. We should uh, get going, so.."
"Yeah, we should go," you agree. "What time do you want us to pick them up?"
"We're dropping them off tomorrow afternoon, right?" Steve questioned. "Or did you not want them to go with us?"
"No, oh, right. Duh! I just forgot - that's what we talked about. Because you're taking them to.." you trail off, prompting them.
"The gardens?" Nat finishes.
"Right, yes, the gardens. Which is great. And we appreciate it so much. And if you need anything or anything happens, ya know just call us," you continue on as Bucky starts to pull away. You fight the urge you have to glare at him until you finish your awkward goodbye and Steve and Nat watch you both drive off, clearly confused about the weird interaction.
"Did you miss the part of the email where it explicitly said: don't make it weird?" Bucky asks.
"Fuck off, you were no better," you scowl as you slump in the seat. "What now?"
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The Dancer [FA14 smau]
Fernando Alonoso x dancer!reader
Masterlist
Summary: Few months after, everybody laughs when they remember the rumors about Fernando Alonso and Taylor Swift dating. Would they laugh though if they new it maybe wasn't so far from truth as it may seem? Well, one thing's for sure - Y/N and Fernando will laugh very much while soft launching their relationship... and confusing everyone with swiftie content thanks to her job.
Warnings: Maybe wrong dates and timeline of The Eras Tour, but whatever XD.
messages between Y/N and Fernando
fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram
liked by alex_albon, zhouguanyu24, pierregasly and 562,109 others
fernandoalo_oficial I was taken by the view like we were in Paris... romance is not dead.
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user1 i dont think my brain can comprehend so many things all at onceđš
user2 right? I'M IN SHOCK
user3 fr fernando wants to give us a heart attackđ
lilymhe I see what you did here...
alex_albon I indeed see what he did here too...đ
user4 guys tell us what he did pls I'm begging youuuu
user5 Alonso soft launching was not on my 2024 bingo card
user6 him soft launching with TAYLOR SWIFT wasn't on MY bingo card đ
user7 How he's suddenly so hot in the first pic? Like damn sir okayđ«ą
user8 girlfriend effect is real y'all
georgerussell63 Mate you can't do that to me, I just woke up đ§
user8 lmfao princess georgie is as confused as we are xd
fernandoalo_oficial sorry mate, don't get wrinklesđ€
gerogerussell63 What even is that choice of emoji?
fernandoalo_oficial well, someone is original with an emoji and someone is original with a pose... choice is yours đ
georgerussell63 Stop it's been almost a year đ
user9 not them bullying each otherđ
user10 Yeah the duo we didn't know we needed
user11 I saw the first picture and almost spat out my drink in shock of such a hot photo of Nando. Then I swiped and literally choked on it because the last think I'd ever expect from his photo dump is a soft lunch of some baddie girlđ«Ł
user12 I am delusional for thinking Taylonso could still have a chance, aren't I?
user13 well i mean you basically answered it yourself so... yeah XD
user14 OMG WHAAAAAATđ±
user15 oh no Fernando is not single anymoređ
user16 I think I accidentally teleported into some alternative universe... what is thiiiis?
user17 REAL
user18 fuck me this man seriously used lyrics from paris by tsđ
user19 Idk why but I kinda like this new side of Fernandođ»
twitter
yourusername posted on instagram
liked by taylorswift, fernandoalo_oficial, carmenmmundt and 5,234 others
tagged: taylorswift and 9 others
yourusername crazy performance, even crazier night out and the most crazy training the day after... I call that the life of a dancerđ»đ also my head and heart did go vroom vroom after the second pic
view all 218 comments
taylorswift I call that the eras tour life!đ
yourusername yes ma'am!
user1 damn she got our queen Taylor replying to her posts... how does it feel to live my dream?!đ
yourusername amazing! đ„°
user2 such a shame my mum didn't force me to try dancing when I was little... I could have been at podium next to Taylor Swift right now đ
liked by the author
user3 You are such a good dancer, the shows wouldn't be the same without you Y/N!
yourusername omg thank u sm I really appreciate that!!đ„č
user4 sooo... are we gonna just ignore Fernando in the likes or what???
user5 THAT'S WHAT I CAME HERE TO SAY
user6 fr I need some crazy detective from twitter to figure this outđ«
carmenmmundt Hey, could you give me and lilymhe vip tickets...?
yourusername I mean... everything can be done đ I'll just need to ask mother Taylor bc I just used my plus one at the last concertđ«Ą
lilymhe OH MY GOD WE LOVE YOU Y/N
yourusername I love you girls as well, we have to finally meet sometimes!!!
carmenmmundt Yeah, I think we'll have chance at the end of February at the latestđ
user7 WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE
user8 Omg are they hinting Y/N at the Bahrain GP?? F1 season starts at the end of February right?!
goergerussell63 Well hello there, nice to meet you Y/N... given the fact my dear girlfriend doesn't care about me, could you give me and alex_albon vip tickets as well?đ
alex_albon Yeah Y/N we are very big fansđ
yourusername everything for the guys that go vroom vroomđ«Ą
alex_albon Like your heart
yourusername exactly!
user9 I AM FREAKING OUT
user9 MY BRAIN HURTS FROM HOW MUCH IS GOING ON
user9 WAIT FUCK I THINK I GOT IT
user9 AAAHHH I FEEL LIKE SHERLOCK MF HOLMES
twitter & messages between Y/N and Fernando
yourusername posted on instagram
liked by selenagomez, fernandoalo_oficial, francisca.cgomes, astonmartinf1 and 8,234 others
yourusername preparing for the next seasonđ€
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user1 y/n is literally living my dream life rn
georgerussell63 Oh no... he infected you with that emoji, didn't he?
yourusername we'll never know... maybe I infected HIM with it
gourgerussell63 I think higher of you and your taste in emojis
yourusername aww thanks princess georgie how sweetđ„°
georgerussell63 I take it back
user2 HELLO?! what is happeningđ
dancer1 excuse me little miss y/n... is that a man i'm seeing?đ€š
yourusername well... maybe
dancer2 Be fr she's trying to soft launch him for like a month nowđ
dancer1 okay i'm calling you rn STAY WHERE YOU ARE
user3 Guys why's nobody talking about the paddock pass in the 5th picture!!!!
user4 omg that's a PADDOCK PASS?đ±
user5 yeah it is I noticed it thanks to this comment
user6 Wait... does that mean her and Fernando have been together longer? Because she already went to a race before the winter break??
user5 idk girl we don't even know for sure she's really dating himđ
user6 idgaf about who's dating her bc even without bf y/n's sooo hot like damn... mommyđ„”
user7 I'm so confused... is this Alonso's girl or not?
user8 trust me user7 - we'd all like to know thatđ
user9 đ
yourusername and fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram stories
yourusername story has been seen by taylorswift, lance_stroll and 13,634 others
fernandoalo_oficial story has been seen by charles_leclerc, astonmartinf1 and 308,003 others
user1 replied to yourusername story: is that an f1 driver there y/n
dancer1 replied to yourusername story: Hope he'll not disappoint me in person when you talked about him sm đ
yourusername ohhh trust me you'll love him just as I dođ„°
dancer1 omg bleeeeh I hope not đ«Ł
user2 replied to yourusername story: your friends are so prettyđ©
taylorswift replied to yourusername story: When you'll take him to get my approval??
yourusername soon taylor, soon... I'm just afraid it'll break the internet lol
taylorswift I think we're used to that already with Travis at this pointđ
yourusername trueđ
fernandoalo_official replied to yourusername story: đ„
yourusername it's going to be okay, they'll love you đ«¶
fernandoalo_oficial how did you know I was nervous amor?
yourusername I saw you literally shaking when you left to the bathroom love...đč
yourusername oh they're back come quickly!!đ
fernandoalo_oficial onmw
user3 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: IS THIS THE CONFIRMATION WE NEEDED?!
user4 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: I see what you're doing here old man đ
user5 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: soft launch slowly turning into a hard launch and I'm here for it!!!!
dancer1 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: I guess you aren't that bad in person...
fernandoalo_oficial đ
user6 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: screaming crying throwing up
taylorswift replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: You better treat my best dancer right Alonso!đ€
fernandoalo_oficial of course ma'am! đ«Ą
user7 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: So cute!!đ
messages between Y/N and Fernando
fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram
liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, f1, yourusername and 601,239 others
tagged: yourusername
fernandoalo_oficial All these people think love's for show but I would die for you in secret... #swiftie
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yourusername I'd just like to make it clear to everybody that it's me who made him be swiftie... you're welcomeđ
liked by the author
user1 OMG THE LYRICS FROM PEACE BY TAYLOR
carmenmmundt Y/N is so pretty!đ
yourusername ohh carmen ilysm you're even prettierđ„č
user2 No way Fernando just really har launched his gfđ
f1 We smell a new wag!
user4 LOL you're kinda late for that admin xd
user5 Congrats and wish you well world champ!đȘ
user6 can we talk about how gorgeous she is???
lilymhe double date when honey?
yourusername anytime babeee!!!
fernandoalo_oficial why do I have a feeling me and alex_albon will be third-wheeling on you two?đ€š
alex_albon you'll eventually get used to third-wheeling your own girlfriend and her friends, trust me fernando...đ€
user7 This girl is like a goddess, I can't even blame him â€ïžđ„
user8 mommy & daddy
georgerussell63 Finally! Congratulation on the hard launch mateđ
fernandoalo_oficial and look who's original with emojis now...đ
user9 from now on this is my fav couple
user10 mine to
user11 SHUT UP THE DELULU GIRLIES ON TWITTER WERE RIGHT
lance_stroll đđ
user12 nah I don't know what he see in herđ
user13 Go away we don't want the jealous haters here đ„±
kellypiquet Welcome to the F1 family yourusername!đ€
yourusername thx!đ
user14 i call this couple goals
user15 I'M SO READY FOR BOYFRIEND MATERIAL ALONSO
user16 I can already feel he'll be so hot in his new era đ©
user17 lmao nando in his swiftie and stlutty era as someone on twitter saidđč
yourusername swiftie and slutty era? i like the sound of itđ
user16 not y/n reading all the comments sipping over her bf đ
liked by yourusername
THE END
Author's Note: Hello everyone, hope you liked it! I'm not sure you should get used to me posting so often, but let's say that after Lance's social media au and the great feedback I had so much motivation... plus I'm sick, so I actually have the time to write and create XD. Anyway, I'll be glad for likes, comments, reblog and every other way of showing support! Have a great day and let me know how you liked Nando and swiftie dancer together!
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no way đč
pairing: charles leclerc/fem!reporter!reader
type: instagram imagine, social media au
notes: i want to say thank you for 1.5k! thank u for all the love you guys have been giving me and my works hehe <3 i really appreciate all notes, reblogs, replies, and messages hehe much love to everyone reading this! â€ïž
about: fans notice how charles loses his senses when you're interviewing him, but they don't believe he has enough courage to do something about it!
yourusername
liked by landonorris, lilymhe, charles_leclerc, and 563,103 others
yourusername Back in the paddock once again đ€
norristri not charles liking this within a minute of being posted đđ
ferrari1655 not surprised if he has her notifs on tbh he's just as whipped for her as we are
mercmilton THE it girl of the paddock i don't make the rules!
c2champs y/n please do some content with charles and carlos i am begging
charles_leclerc â€ïž
hamilnicos u a grown ass handsome man surely you can do more than just a red heart
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, estebanocon, and 431,025 others
yourusername Some paddock coverage this week đ©âđ»
chacha16 oh i just know charles is fuming y/n interviews everyone often but him đ
sainzstappen all he had with her was one post-race interview and he was down bad already and STUTTERING
lecstulips she had him giggling and shit while talking about his rear tyre failure prior to qualifying its so funny đ
paddockgirlie Charles has once again beaten me to liking Y/N's post he is like lightning oh my god
charles_leclerc â€ïžâ€ïž
chacha16 the two hearts is sending me charles im so sorry HHHDDBHFBHFBH
rbrwinners you dropped this queen đ
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari, and 540,195 others
yourusername Covering and reporting this week's race from the garage of a certain Italian racing team â€ïž
Can't wait for you guys to watch the contents we had prepared!
charles_leclerc We loved having you here! â€ïž
sainzbaby lose the "we" charles we all know it was just you
hamilecs ITS HAPPENING OH MY GOD CHARLES GET UP
gaslysgirlie i love how charles is just fuelling the agenda that he has a crush on y/n he's not even trying to be discreet
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, pierregasly, and 302,294 others
yourusername Some outtakes from today! Had a nice time filming with charles_leclerc and carlossainz55 of Ferrari â€ïž
charles_leclerc Til next time, Y/N! :)
yourusername â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïž
ilpredesti the smiley face oh hes so adorable
lecsmilton i just KNOW charles is having a field day rn
c2foreva we are getting more of flustered charles then đ
44sainz we love you queen we can't wait đ
ynlover
liked by charles_leclerc, wagf1s, 44fan4, and 1,203 others
ynlover Charles and Carlos with Y/N today đ„°
lestappenthusiast WHY IS CHARLES HEREHFBFBHH
hamilnorris charles liked?????
loverfineline they're both winking đđđ
rbrmercs now a y/n fan account is the last place i thought charles would be
YouTube, now playing: C2 Takes On 2 Challenges with Y/N!
6,372 comments
suckerforcharles: WHEN THE HELL DID CHARLES GET SO BOLD
1655sainz: holy shit i was not expecting that đ
ricciardotauri: all yall kept saying charles had no rizz whatsoever and he decided to prove u guys wrong im crying
c2luvah: OK I TAKE IT BACK charles has got some moves in him
f1fanatic: what did y/n mean with "finally" like miss girl were u waiting too đ€
olliefans: Carlos saying Charles is Y/N's favorite?? omg
6,501 comments
sainzmilton: I bet Carlos can't believe they're flirting right in front of his salad
lecslover: NOT Y/N FLIRTING TOO?????
luvroscoe: i'm shocked how charles didn't faint when y/n said that cause
sports55: y/n please flirt with me like that too queen đŁ
6,712 comments
lewiswdc: y/n so much better than me i would have dropped dead if charles said that to me
supermaxmax: who the hell gave charles all this rizz and why was he hiding it DAMN MAN
fan2345: I am not an F1 fan but I am so invested in this I wonder if they're actually going to push through with this date đ€š
taytayrep: charles got his head in the game fr
charles_leclerc
liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, pierregasly, and 1,204,582 others
charles_leclerc There really was a great restaurant downtown.
sainzznorris I CANT BREATHEEEEEE
carlandos what a lucky man y/n is so pretty đŁ
scuderiazz we're glad you finally got the courage to ask her out, king!
paddock5516 ouuu those interviews with her are so gonna hit from now on
carlossainz55 You know I let you win, right?
charles_leclerc Stop ruining this for me
---------
tagging: @slytherheign, @honethatty12, @siovhanroy, @fdl305, @iloveyou3000morgan, @cxcewg, @sassyheroneckgiant, @ang3licho3, @pitlanebabe, @riverdalexvixens, @msliz (if anyone else wants to be a part of my taglist, pls lmk by replying or sending me a message hehe)
notes: thank u so much for reading <3
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Dadstarion prompt (sorry if I missed the boat on this!) - insecure postpartum Tav, struggling with their new body. Maybe some body worship from Astarion đ? (Personal experience - I really struggled postpartum with adjusting to my new body, it changed in ways I never even imagined). Thank you and just want to say I love your Astarion đ„°
Adore You
Thanks for your request! Not 100% sure this is what you were looking for, but I already had a mostly finished piece I was working on that definitely fits the body-worship and Tav struggling with her body parts of this prompt. It's smut, though, and when the smut gods bless, I cannot deny their gifts.
Glad you love my Astarion! I adore him. And he adores his Tav. ;)
Summary: You are struggling with your post-partum body. Astarion is here to remind you that he still adores you.
This follows my Dadstarion section of my AstarionxReader series. But no worries, you can read it as a OneShot. Hereâs the gist: Astarion is mortal and you have three children together. Gale, named after the Wizard of Waterdeep and the twins. Thatâs about all you need to know! See my other fics for more info and storylines.
Tags/Warnings: smut with a plot, body image issues, angst w/ comfort, PiV, fingering, oral, light overstim, light daddy kink, breast milk, breast milk drinking, all the depravity i'm generally known for tbh, light creampie kinda?
Word Count: 2.8K
A/N: I'm an unhinged degenerate and no I won't apologize. Also womenâs bodies are amazing and can produce life and are beautiful and my Astarion appreciates that about his Tav okay?
âThank the gods for the nanny,â Astarion says with a dramatic sigh as he enters the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him, âGale was about to make me read âP is for Peacockâ a third time and I was close to ripping my hair out, darling.âÂ
You chuckle softly as your husband greets you from where youâre seated at the vanity with a brief kiss and then moves to the small table in the corner of your bedroom to pour himself a goblet of wine.Â
âAnd the twins?â He asks as his eyes watch the red liquid fall into the cup beneath it. He takes a few sips as you speak before setting the cup back down on the table.
âIâve just fed them not too long ago and now theyâre both asleep. Having Winifred to help me get them on the same schedule has been wonderful.â You respond as your husband nods and prepares a second, smaller goblet of wine, which he brings to you.
He settles himself beside you while you finish braiding your hair for bed and hums contentedly, âPerfect.â
Astarionâs hands wrap around your midsection and before you can stop yourself, you feel your body tense under his touch. The silver-haired elf pauses and frowns before retracting his hands, âDo you not want me to touch you, darling? You need only tell me.âÂ
You sigh and shrug as you finish off the half-portioned goblet in one long drink, mostly to avoid your husbandâs gaze, âItâs not that, itâsâ itâs stupid.âÂ
âLook at me, little love.â He whispers, his fingers coming under your chin as they gently coax you to face him and meet his gaze. He moves forward and presses a soft kiss against your lips before continuing, âI love you. More than anything. You know this. Now, wonât you tell me whatever is the matter so that I can help?â
Your husband waits as you gather your thoughts. Itâs complicated, itâs embarrassing. You know itâs silly, and vain, and yet you canât help yourself. And you arenât quite sure how to verbalize it all.
âI hate my body.â You finally say, your voice cracking as you speak, and something about finally saying that evil little thought aloud causes tears to spring in your eyes.Â
Astarionâs mouth falls open in surprise and then he furrows his brows and quickly wraps his arms around your shoulders, not knowing what to say or do apart from physically enveloping you in his love.Â
You continue on, speaking into his neck, sniffling as a few more tears run down your cheeks, âAfter Gale, I quickly returned to my previous weight. I hadnât had any stretch marks. But carrying the twinsâ itâs different, Astarion. And I was expecting it to an extent but I justâ I hate my body and I hate the way I look.âÂ
There is a moment of silence as your husband simply holds you against him, allowing space for your tears. When he speaks, his voice is a soft murmur into your hair, âNot that you should care what I think, but I adore your body, darling. And I love everything about the way you look.âÂ
You scoff and withdraw from your husband with teary, reddened eyes narrowed at him, âYou have to say that.â
âI do not have to do anything,â He retorts, arching his eyebrow in a challenge, âWerenât you the one that taught me that?âÂ
When you donât respond, Astarion continues on, knowing heâs won. He takes your hand in his, gently lifting it to press a kiss against your knuckle.Â
âI adore your hands. Which have both slain monsters and soothed our children,â He whispers before trailing kisses up your arm and to your neck where he presses another reverent kiss against those little fang scars.Â
âI adore your neck, which once provided me with sustenance I hadnât known in centuries.âÂ
Your face is beginning to grow hot under his devoted attention and compliments, and you move to shrink away from your husband, but he gently grabs you by the waist. He leans into you and brushes his nose at the meeting point between your ear and neck as he inhales the smell of your skin.Â
âWhy are you trying to hide from me, darling?â He asks with a little sulky pout, his chin resting on your shoulder.Â
âIâm not, Iââ You begin, but Astarion quickly shushes you.Â
âThen just be quiet and let me adore you, hm?â He asks before running his tongue against those fang marks, making you shiver.Â
You nod slightly and your husband grins, âGood girl. Now, come here.âÂ
Astarion pats his lap and you slide to sit upon his thighs, forgetting your finished goblet on the floor underneath your vanity stool. He rests his chin upon your shoulder as the two of you gaze in the mirror together.Â
âDo you remember when I used to do this all the time?â Astarion asks, not truly waiting for a response before his long fingers trace down the side of your neck, brush along your collarbone, and then wander toward your waist, aiming to untie your dressing gown. He moves slowly and watches your expression in the mirror, waiting for you to give him any indication to stop.Â
But you didnât want him to stop. Despite your feelings about your body, you still deeply crave your husbandâs comforting touch.Â
The silky fabric slips down your shoulders and pools around your waist, baring you before his adoring eyes. The elf smiles and presses a kiss to the back of your shoulder, still watching the two of you in the mirror.Â
âBeautiful,â He whispers as he peppers a few kisses up your shoulder and the back of your neck, igniting a trail of goosebumps across your skin.
Astarion slowly drifts his hands up your sides before moving to cup a heavy, milk-stretched tit in each hand. The sensation causes you to wriggle.Â
His tone is reverent, almost a whisper as he turns his head just slightly and flashes a toothy grin, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks, âI adore your breasts, which have fed our eldest and now feed our twins.â
He chuckles salaciously before saying the next part, âAnd which, on more than one delicious occasion, have also fed me.â
Your husband lightly teases circles around your nipples as he finishes the line that he knows will cause you to blush and then gently nips at your ear lobe, earning him a gasp. You feel Astarionâs arousal pressing into your backside as he continues to caress your breasts and uses two fingers from each hand to tease and stimulate your nipples. You arch into his touch and your thighs press together as you feel a growing slickness between your legs from his attentions.Â
One of your breasts begins to leak milk, and when your husband feels the warm liquid dripping onto his fingers he hums and brings the digits to his lips. You watch in the mirror as Astarion dips the two fingers into his own mouth and licks them clean while continuing to tease your other breast.Â
It isnât long before that one begins leaking, too, and your lover chuckles in delight as he watches the liquid gold trail down the bottom of your breast and languidly drip down your stomach.Â
The elf brings two fingers to slowly swipe up the stream of white liquid. Then he brings those same fingers to your lips, prompting you to open your mouth.
âGood girl,â He purrs before pressing those two digits against your tongue. Astarion lingers for a moment and you shut your eyes as you eagerly wrap your lips around his slender fingers and suck. You hear a little hum by your ear and feel your loverâs cock twitch in delight underneath you as he observes the scene.
âYou are a vision, love.â He murmurs, as he slides his hand away from your lips, âNow, let me take care of you the way you deserve.â
The elf gestures for you to stand, causing your robe to completely slide off your body into a pool on the floor, before he quickly spins you and then hoists you onto the vanity desk. The smallest flicker of that arrogant rogue dances across his face as Astarion moves forward to dip his tongue into your mouth. He unhurriedly teases your tongue against his as he roams his hands up and down your torso until you're panting and moaning softly into his mouth.Â
When he retracts, his pupils are filled with lust. His hands come to quickly pull his shirt over his head and then undo the laces of his trousers. Before long heâs standing in front of you in only his small clothes.Â
Astarion grabs your hand and guides it to the bulge straining between his legs as he asks, âDo you feel what that divine body of yours does to me, little love?âÂ
âYesâ my love, I wantââ You begin as you eagerly try to delve your hand inside your husbandâs undergarments, desperate to free his gorgeous cock. But he catches your wrist and stops you with a soft tut and a playful glint in his eyes.Â
âSoon. But not yet, darling. I havenât quite finished adoring you yet. And Iâve got the best seat in the house.â He teases, before settling himself back onto the vanity bench and grinning mischievously up at you, âNow, be a good girl and open those beautiful, plush thighs of yours for me, wonât you?âÂ
You oblige, and Astarion takes a moment to admire you, fully barren to him and already soaked with arousal. His arms come under your knees, spreading you wider for him, as he grips your thighs with his hands. Then he turns and begins pressing tender kisses up your thigh. He makes slow work of the task, humming contentedly on his journey toward your sex and always lingering longer in the spots where youâve developed stretch marks.Â
By the time his face is right in front of your mound, youâre positively leaking for Astarion and he groans appreciatively at the sight.Â
âBeautiful. I will never tire of seeing that gorgeous cunt dripping for me, darling,â He murmurs and before you can respond, your husband is delving his tongue between your folds and eagerly feasting upon your juices.Â
You moan in delight when Astarion brings his tongue to trace around your clit, so familiar with your preferences that it doesnât take long for him to coax you toward your peak. His tongue dances expertly around the swollen nub, each pass causing your pleasure to build. Two of his long, pale fingers slide into you, meeting no resistance, and he slowly pumps the digits in and out of your walls.Â
You grasp onto Astarionâs curls and whine when he adds a third finger, and he knows youâre close, so he continues his ministrations and adds more pressure as he curls his fingers just so. His other hand comes up to find your nipple and tease it between his fingers as you climb the final steps toward your climax.Â
A final flick of Astarionâs tongue, a final stroke of his fingers, and you burst with pleasure, whining in delight as your thighs tremble on either side of his head. Your walls spasm and send another gush of arousal onto the elfâs face. You begin leaking breast milk once again.Â
âDelicious,â Your husband murmurs as he pulls back slightly to admire the glistening of your sex and then presses forward and takes one more lap of your sensitive folds, causing you to buck into his mouth as he chuckles against you. Astarion languidly runs his tongue up to your stomach, lapping at the thin rivulets of milk running down your torso and covering his face in a shiny layer of your juices and breast milk.
Then he stands to his full height and finallyâ finallyâ steps out of his small clothes. His pale cock springs proudly from its confinement, dripping thin strings of pre-come from the reddened tip, just for you.Â
âGet over here, Astarion,â You eagerly demand, voice hoarse from your cries as you hook your legs around his torso and pull him against you.Â
âAnything for my little love,â Your husband responds, voice full of gravel as he runs the underside of his cock against your slit, using it to lubricate his length.Â
And then the head of his cock presses into you and your mouth falls open as Astarion buries himself to the hilt. His thumb comes to lightly tease your still-tender clit as he slowly rocks his hips back and forth. Heâs watching your face intently as he thumbs circles around that needy, engorged bundle of nerves.Â
You use your legs to pull the elf deeper and he grins before lowering his head so that itâs right by your ear. He takes the lobe in his mouth and suckles gently, causing you to whimper.
âYouâll do one more for me, wonât you darling? You always look so gorgeous when you do.â He coaxes, his mouth so close to your ear his breath tickles the sensitive flesh. And then heâs pitching his hips just slightly, aiming to hit your favorite spot with the tip of his cock. Heâs gasping and grunting now as his own need for release starts to overpower him.
Youâre almost there. Youâre keening with each thrust from Astarion and your walls are clenching tighter and tighter around his cock.Â
He moans in response at the sensation before pressing his thumb harder against your clit and rubbing it with single-minded intensity, working you toward release. You begin to relentlessly whimper again and Astarion smiles, his eyes locked onto yours as he watches your face contort in the feeling of immense pleasure.
 âThere you go, little love. Let go for daddy.â He whispers, bringing his other hand to palm the ample flesh of your ass.Â
And gods, you do.Â
The second orgasm ripples through you harder than the first, and you have to clasp your hand around your mouth to stifle your moan. Your walls are pulsing around your loverâs cock as you ride the wave of ecstasy.
You go almost slack and before long Astarion is ripping your hand away from your face and pressing his lips against yours in a bruising kiss as he begins to rut wildly into you, shaking the vanity with every thrust.Â
âGods, the things your body does to me,â He growls as he pulls away from your lips, snapping his hips at a punishing pace as he chases his own release. Astarionâs hand is clutching firmly into your bottom, gripping so tightly thereâs sure to be bruising tomorrow. His curls fall in front of his face and his ears begin to turn red as he continues to fuck you into oblivion.
Your husband is trying with every fiber of his being to hold on, to stretch out the delicious sensation of his cock plunging in and out of your walls, but every stroke into your tightness is pushing him further and further towards his peak. He snaps his eyes shut, shaking with the effort itâs taking him to restrain himself, to continue enjoying the feeling of your flesh gripping around his.
You are so thoroughly fucked that you cannot do anything but hold onto your lover and keen underneath him as he continues pounding into you.
 âDarlingâ hells â my love, youâre so tight, I canâtâ IâmââÂ
And then with a sudden, sharp inhale of breath, Astarion is burying his thick length inside your walls and trembling as his cock twitches, relentlessly releasing its spend. He gasps into your ear as he slows his hips, but continues to rut, using his still-hard length to press his seed deeper into you.Â
His praises come out in an incoherent string as he continues to languidly rock his hips back and forth. You cup his face in your hands as you kiss him, and Astarion smiles into the kiss, finally stilling his hips as his cock softens between you two.Â
âCome here, little love.â He whispers, hooking his arms underneath you. You intuitively wrap your legs around your husbandâs torso and he easily carries you to the bathroom. When he finally places you down, he brushes a few strands of hair from your face and then places a tender kiss on your forehead.
âNow letâs get you cleaned up.â He says, turning to start the tap before tossing a glance over his shoulder and chuckling lightly, âAnd then I have to fix your braid, dear⊠Iâm sorry to tell you that I ruined it.âÂ
âI think you might have also bruised my ass,â You respond, turning to flash your bottom at Astarion.Â
He drops down on his knees to examine the curve of your ass, one nimble finger brushing against the blooming blue marks. You let out a little whine in response, the flesh still tender.Â
Astarion presses his lips onto the bruise and lingers for a moment. Then he pulls away and frowns slightly, eyes glossing across the marks before he looks up at you and says, âIâm sorry, darling.â
âItâs okay,â You respond, glancing back to grin over your shoulder. You see your husband peering up at you, the picture of devotion, âI enjoyed it.âÂ
âDid you, now?â He asks with an amused smirk, his eyebrow cocking in that signature arrogant way of his.Â
You nod just slightly as he places another kiss against those little bruises. His hands travel up your thighs, brushing against the wetness dripping from your sex and onto your legs. Two fingers tenderly stroke between your drenched slit.Â
âHmm, and what do we have here, little love? Is this something else that needs cleaning? Wonât you let me take a look?â
You blush but oblige anyway, leaning forward over the counter and exposing your sex, leaking with Astarionâs seed and your arousal.Â
He grins and licks a long strip between your folds, causing you to buck slightly and whimper at the stimulation on your still-sensitive cunt.Â
âToo sensitive? Want me to stop?â He asks gently from behind you, one hand wrapped around your thigh.
âNo, keep going.â You urge him, bending forward to further reveal yourself to him, eager to feel his skilled tongue pressed into you once more.Â
A small groan of appreciation from your husband is all you hear before he delves his tongue back between your legs, working to clean up the mess he made.Â
The bathtub overflows and spills water onto the floor before heâs done adoring you. At least for tonight.
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