#fic: Said and Unsaid (or The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

starsignchaser · 2 months

Text

hello everyone and welcome to the March 2024 edition of emily's fic recs! If you saw my post this weekend you know that I bookmarked 57 fics this month... yeah idk how that happened but just know that this is gonna be a bit of a long one.

this month's list contains Jegulus, Wolfstar, and Drarry for a total of 28 fics. there are some all-time faves in this list (march was a good month) so I hope you enjoy!

without further ado, lets dive in :)

Jegulus

blue and yellow skies by alarainai, salmon_says (142k, 27/27, rated M)

Quidditch Rivals turned Quidditch Lovers. That's what the world sees them as, at least.

Too bad Regulus hates James Potter's guts, and James? Well, it doesn't matter what he feels about their definitely fake, definitely emotionless relationship.

just cute quidditch boys who love each other

i fell hard (in your arms tonight) by grimjobs (17.9k, 9/9, rated G)

Regulus didn't know he was touch starved until James started touching him.

cute boys and silly misunderstandings

i've got my eye on you by artiest (10k, rated M)

James and Regulus are friends with benefits except they're both ridiculously in love with each other.

this one was so good I had to give it an instant reread as I was putting my list together. angsty happy in-love boys

Many Happy Halloweens by SnarkyMagpie (7.6k, rated M)

Monsters come out on Halloween, but Regulus Black will gladly fight any horror, whether it's a dragon or anxiety, to protect his family.

Jeggy dads!!!!!! Technically single dad James with Harry and then Reggie joining their family <3333

stuck by you (and the glue) by cleargreen (4.7k, rated G)

The two most important people in James's life finally meet. This is how it goes.

baby harry has a crush on his dad's boyf reg

Whoops. by my_castlescrumbling (2k, rated T)

Regulus is a TA for Professor Monty Potter and Monty keeps trying to set Regulus up with his son. Regulus always refuses, of course. But what happens when, at the end of the term, he goes to the Potter Christmas Party?

yayyy happenstance!!!

a little death by noasmirrorball (1.6k, rated E)

James wakes Regulus up with a little surprise.

this is just straight up porn

heatwaves by regscupid (1.5k, rated E)

With the exit of May, James quickly came to realize he could not deal with what June brought with it. June meant hotter weather. Their flat didn’t have air conditioning.

reg in crop tops makes james' brain go mush

Wolfstar

wading in waist-high water by colgatebluemintygel (82k, 9/9, rated E)

Remus is a PhD student and hobbyist baker who finds himself adrift following his father’s death. On a whim, he enters the Great British Bake Off...

ONE OF MY FAVES OF THE MONTH!!! a wonderful balance of funny moments, bits of angst, and mostly just a lot of love between these two boys

Like Real People Do by third_crow (36k, 3/3, rated T)

Or, Remus works as a barista and Sirius comes in every morning with the world's cutest baby, and man, these two just wrote the book on mutual pining, huh?

I LOVED THIS FIC!!! there is so much angst but it is so worth it because these two are meant to find each other every time

To Be Alone With You by Shay_Fae (16.6k, 4/4, rated M)

In the summer of their sixth year, Remus Lupin tried to kill himself.

MAJOR TW for this one (as you can see from the description) but also such a beautiful take on Sirius's love for Remus and their dynamic

my castle crumbled overnight by YellowLark23 (9k, 2/2, rated T)

Sirius deals with his parents’ abuse while at school, but he never realizes just how dangerous the game they're playing is.

This fic is more black brothers focused but there is sweet background wolfstar hurt/comfort :)

i've got diamonds in my eyes (for you) by crushofdoves (6k, 2/2, rated E)

Sirius and Remus are in big, soft, filthy love.

this is so hot and also just feels so real for a sex scene like they literally stop to have a grilled cheese in the middle it's perfect

Remus' Impromptu Study Break by ravenclaw_with_no_friends (5.6k, rated E)

“Sod off Pads, I’m mad at you,” Remus decided his best way out would just be to go have a shower. He got out of the bed, picking up his pyjama bottoms to hold in front of his crotch.

wolfstar smut with sirius making the first move hehe

i was sinking and now i'm sunk by crushofdoves (3.9k, rated E)

The air between them felt electric, crackling with intention and Sirius hoped they were on the same page.

bookstore employee remus having his way with sirius in the back room

Ways to be Gentle by Quietlemonhush (3.6k, rated E)

Sirius has a bad day. Remus reminds him what softness feels like.

sad sirius being given all the love by his moony

Drarry

A Dented Old Street Sign by orphanghost (27k, rated M)

Draco knows they aren't the only students who will be completing their NEWTs this year, but they are the only ones whose home fireplaces were disconnected from the floo network by the ministry.

At least, Draco assumes as much until he sees the light falling out from the front door of one of the other rickety old houses in front of them and the three figures cast in its warm glow.

the golden trio and returning slytherins are neighbors in Hogsmede for 8th year. tension, hijinks, and love ensues

With Great Yawns and Stretchings by sugar_screw (22k, rated T)

The coffee is very good. Really. And the cats are so cute. That's why Harry goes so often.

ONE OF MY FAVES OF THE MONTH!! just sweet boys who love cats and grow together and kiss!!!

Cascade by Avonne (18.7k, rated M)

Harry wants to touch, and Draco wants to be touched. If only they could figure it out.

I want to take every 8th year fic in hold them close in my arms because these boys are so sad and fucked up but they keep finding each other and making it work. one of my faves!

Sourdough by academicdisaster (17k, rated M)

Draco writes romance novels and doesn't leave his apartment much. Harry bakes bread and sells it to Draco. Draco is quite weird. Harry might like that.

read tags before reading!!! contains some off screen heavy angst but sooo good. Again, you will always catch me at the scene of a weird little draco fic

Magical Menagerie by DorthyAnn (16k, 7/7, rated T)

Convinced by Hermione to get a new pet, Harry goes to Magical Menagerie and finds it's now owned by Draco Malfoy who has changed since the war… in a good way, a really good way.

sweet weirdo draco you will always have my heart

Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) by bryoneybrynn (14.8k, 3/3, rated T)

When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.

again, love me an 8th year fix-it fic

Slow Show by Avonne (14.7k, rated M)

Harry doesn't know the kind of love that isn't forged in pain. He doesn't understand slow and calm and easy. He can't trust unconditional. After all, how could Draco love him if he's not allowed to sacrifice himself for it? Draco shows him.

I just can't get enough of harry being a self-sacrificing idiot and Draco being the one who can consistently cut through his bs and be like "hey!!! stop that dummy, we all love you (but me especially)"

I'll keep you (safe and sound) by arminaa (13k, 4/4, rated E)

Harry takes temporary custody of Teddy while Andromeda's comatose at St Mungo's after an accident, and Draco, his something-with-benefits, shows up unexpectedly to help.

two awkward boys who don't know how to tell each other they like each other (with baby Teddy!)

Title of Their Sex Tape by Cibee (12k, rated T)

Undercover! Heists! Draco pining for Harry! Harry being oblivious, but also can't help noticing how good Draco smells! Banters and jokes! That's about it.

Brooklyn 99-esque fic with v sweet will they/won't they moments. also the line "“I confess,” Draco said quietly. “That I had hope ... you would choose me this time.”" !!!!!!!

By Any Other Name by dracognition (8k, rated E)

A botched love potion makes it so that everyone in Harry's vicinity is madly in love with him—everyone except Draco, that is.

everyone is in love with Harry, INCLUDING Draco!!! hehehe

Swipe Right by mee4ever (2k, rated G)

Or then one where Harry swipes right, and it turns out Draco does too.

I love their banter/flirting in this one so much!!!

Harry Potter Gets a Job [ART] by dustmouth (106 pages, rated M)

Harry returns home from Romania to find Arthur Weasley has a new apprentice, and there's an extra place set for dinner.

I love this art style and the story is just so perfect, def suggest checking out more by dustmouth if you enjoy this

2 notes · View notes

sitp-recs · 1 month

Note

do you have a fic rec where harry healed his trauma and then he met draco who still feel so shameful about himself, so then harry helps draco to heal his war trauma? thanks in advance! 💓

Hi anon, what a great ask! I love the idea of them bonding over shared trauma, and I think the best fics exploring this theme are the ones showing that healing is in fact an ongoing (and often non-linear) process, in this sense they’re always healing together 🥹 here are some fics that came to mind, most are down & out Draco but not all of them. Enjoy!

Slow Hands by eleventy7 (T, 10k)

Blood, shadows, and paper hearts. The Shadow hunts students, but Draco Malfoy most of all.

Rebuilding Draco Malfoy by khasael (E, 11k)

Draco wants to do something to get his life back on track, but no-one seems to be taking him seriously – until he finds himself in an Auror training session led by Harry Potter.

Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) by bryoneybrynn (T, 15k)

When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.

The Years That Walk Between by Femme (E, 16k) - past Draco/Snape

Draco finds his way after the war.

Between Myth and Man by slytherco (E, 16k)

Draco, lost and a little broken, navigates post-war reality convinced that people like him should not be allowed to make their own choices. To solve the problem of his self-sabotaging tendencies, he starts taking a few drops of Veritaserum every morning.

Benevolence and Redemption by silvered_glass (M, 19k)

Draco's the most unlikely Auror recruited to the department in at least three centuries. Ostracised and unwanted, he's been on paperwork duties for the three years since he finished training. Harry is the Saviour of the Wizarding World with nice forearms and too-large hands who suddenly starts turning up in the Ministry gym when Draco’s there, and sitting on Draco’s desk, and asking for Draco’s assistance on cases.

Vale Sanare by RurouniHime (M, 23k)

Draco’s world gains a new component just when he thought he’d sorted everything out.

Strange Bedfellows by ravenclawsquill (E, 30k)

When Harry encounters a frail and fidgety Draco Malfoy at the Ministry, he just knows something is wrong and he’s determined to get to the bottom of it. A story about Deadly Nightshade, crippling insomnia, excellent wine … and finding what you need in the strangest of circumstances.

Open For Repairs by FeelsForBreakfast (M, 5k)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things. feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary

As Souls From Bodies Steal by Femme (E, 41k)

Hope may be found in the oddest of places, even in the bleakness of winter.

(We'll Call This Fixer-Upper) Home by @phdmama (E, 52k)

Draco Malfoy hasn’t set foot on English soil in ten years. After the war, he fled to America, where he found himself in a community, and healed himself through following his heart into music. He’s now the lead singer and songwriter for an internationally known band, who have come back to headline the Wiltshire Music Festival. But as Draco is about to learn, his past isn’t as far away as he might have believed, and his future may hold more than he ever could have dreamed.

Super Rich Kids by trishjames (E, 81k)

Draco Malfoy has become disillusioned by the glitz and glamour of the scandalous lives of the Post-Second Wizarding War Pureblood Elite. Enter: one existential crisis, one group of thieving cynical friends, and several terrible, terrible decisions.

At Your Service by Faith Wood (E, 95k)

Hogwarts students are in danger; Harry is determined to save them all. There's only one thing he knows for certain: Draco Malfoy is somehow involved.

Nor All That Glisters by @sweet-s0rr0w (E, 110k)

Lonely and frustrated on house arrest, with no prospects for the future, Draco begins brewing Felix Felicis in an attempt to improve his lot. Just in the short term, of course. He isn’t a total idiot.

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl (M, 114k)

Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

#asks #anon #Drarry reclist #war trauma #Harry helping Draco heal

42 notes · View notes

aphroditestummyrolls · 9 months

Text

Finally, finally, finally— in the next day or so (maybe tonight??) I’ll be posting the first chapter of the Wylan Whump Fic™️.

Until then: a snippet

“Jes, I… can we not talk about it right now? Can it wait?”

It hit him like a slap across the face.

“Can it—“ suddenly, he didn’t feel solid, like his fear shook his atoms loose. Every part of him was unsteady. “No, Wylan, it can’t wait, this is the second time in a week you’ve fully stopped breathing, and you—“

The pathway between his brain and his mouth seemed like a fucking labyrinth. Fumbling his words, Jes abruptly gave up and clicked his mouth shut— he didn’t know what to say or how to say it, but he needed to move. In the corner of his eye, Wylan’s slim, bony frame shrunk away from him. Like he was trying to disappear.

It hurt. These past months, he tried to not to take it all too personally— the evasion, the mystery, the things left unsaid. But, it had never been like this before.

What happened to you? He wanted to cry out. Why are you so afraid? Who hurt you?

It was just another question to add to the never ending mountain of them since he’d met Wylan. Where did you come from? How did a prince like you end up all the way down here? How do you know all the amazing things you know?

He used to ask every time the words popped into his head. It was so easy to let his mouth run, and Wylan was so easy to talk to— he should be easy to ask questions of, too. Right? Jesper said it all with awe and wonder, how do you know that? Or who taught you that? He hardly thought it would be… so unwelcome.

After Shu Han, he asked less. Wylan wouldn’t give more than a one or two word answer anyway— just a shrug, or duck his pretty face away from Jesper’s gaze.

Lately, it felt like he was standing in a blocked corridor with locked doors on all sides. Nowhere to go, and constantly knocking, calling for people who weren’t willing to answer— Da? How could he ever look his father in the eye again? Jesper had closed that proverbial door himself. Then there was Inej, Inej was gone. Nina wasn’t close enough. Kaz? Kaz didn’t let anyone in.

He expected it from Kaz— when had he ever gotten more than the bare minimum from him? Jes wasn’t blind, he knew what his value was to his best friend. He was a tool, easily manipulated. Kaz saw him as a child, and the worst part was that he wasn’t wrong. Jesper was childish.

His fingers twitched, the tips of them rubbing like he could feel chips between them.

He knew what he was to Kaz.

But, what was he to Wylan?

Another question for the pile, he thought bitterly. He knows what you are— you told him everything. He’s too smart to hang around much longer. He knows you’re unreliable, can’t keep your mouth shut or your kruge in your pocket, or—

The window was permanently stuck open, and the curtains fluttered with the chill of the autumn twilight. Jesper practically tripped over his feet to the fresh air, shaking his head to clear it.

“Jes? Jes, please—“ Wylan’s voice was so small. The sound of it solidified in his chest like jagged ice. He flexed his hands with the urge to go to him, to hold him.

But, his touch wasn’t welcome. It had only made it all worse, hadn’t it?

Tugging his curls until he was sure he looked a bit insane, Jesper forced himself to turn around and face that voice.

Saints.

#not feeling too fabulous about it but I need to just put it into the world I’m spiraling again #wesper #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #six of crows #shadow and bone netflix #grishaverse #the wylan whump fic™️

58 notes · View notes

drarryglobesficrecs · 11 months

Text

Hogwarts Eight Year- drarry fic recs(under 50k)

Pt. 1

To Hurt and Heal by cassisluna(21k)

They say that everybody who gets out of Azkaban comes out a little mad. After the war, Draco Malfoy spends three months in Azkaban. He just wants to go insane in peace, but Harry Potter finds that he, inexplicably, still can't leave Draco alone.

Potterella by VivacissimoVoce(22k)

Harry’s friends want him to find true love. But when a spell that promises happy endings goes out of control, fairy tales come to life and Draco becomes Harry’s Prince Not-So-Charming.

Through the Looking Glass and What Draco Found There by magpie_fngrl(17k)

Draco discovers the Mirror of Erised is a portal and he enters an alternate reality where your deepest desires come true. Or how Draco found himself in the world of his dreams and Potter had to come and ruin it.

Instruction For A Misplaced Slytherin by bixgirl1(8k)

Potter stared at him with an intense, indecipherable expression. He cleared his throat. “You know what? It would be easier to learn if you just showed me,” he said abruptly. In which Draco has a crush but fancies himself kind, Harry is oblivious but overly ambitious (and the teensiest bit sneaky), and things get dirty really fast.

Like Lightning at Your Fingertips by potterwatch(43k)

The problem with living with another insomniac is, eventually, they find out you’re one, too. When Harry and Draco return for their eighth year, they think they’ll see very little of each other. Then McGonagall assigns them to room together. And the castle starts breaking. And there’s that thing with Potter’s magic.

The Heart's Honest Truth by bixgirl1, carpemermaid(16k)

“Don’t you think I would have gone to Pomfrey if I thought she could help me?”

“Then what can I do?”

“I nee—” Malfoy broke off with a soft grunt and a pained expression. He took a shaky breath and tried again, his voice wobbling. “Will you touch me, Potter?"

Draco is cursed to speak in questions. Well...Spelled, thanks to the stupidly improper archival practices of the fourth century. Harry Potter is there to save the day, but Draco isn’t going to give in to his help so easily. Fortunately, the method of saving might be more satisfactory than Draco expected this time.

Thermodynamic Equilibrium by DorthyAnn(5k)

Harry's far too hot. Draco's always cold. And somehow against all odds, together they create a perfect equilibrium.

Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) by bryoneybrynn(14k)

When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.

Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain by Faith Wood (faithwood)(21k)

It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that's ever so cross.

The Difference Between Dust And Soup (Is You) by gnarf(17k)

When Harry returned for his eighth year at Hogwarts he had high hopes that he'd have a normal and quiet year for once—he had earned it after all!

But when he found Malfoy starving and unconscious in the Astronomy Tower one night, it all started over again. He had to figure out what happened to him.

After Harry started to cook for Malfoy, and while sharing their secret dinner night after night, he couldn't help but wonder if there was a possibility of them becoming more.

In Evidence of Magical Theory by bixgirl1(43k)

When a hex meant for Draco accidentally catches Harry as well, they're forced to learn to understand each other in ways they previously might have thought impossible.

In which Harry and Draco can't fight, so they fall in love instead.

The Owl Who Came for Christmas by dracogotgame(17k)

Draco has a debt to pay off, no matter what Potter thinks. And he has a Very Good Idea to go along with it. Things don't go as planned.

The Standard You Walk Past by bafflinghaze(46k)

On returning to Hogwarts for their Eighth Year, Headmistress McGonagall decided to room Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter together. She may have hoped for a leading example of house unity; the other students fully expected insults and fights. But nothing happened.

That was, until Harry sleepwalked into Draco’s bed.

Dear Diary by AWickedMemory (TeddyLaCroix)(21k)

// This can’t possibly go worse than the last time I kept a diary. //

After the war, Harry picks up a journal to write in… and it writes back. Luckily, it’s not a Horcrux on the other end this time.

Strange Bathfellows by bixgirl1(27k)

It started with a bath. Or a potions accident. Or maybe it started before that, but who can tell anymore.

Featuring: Uncomfortable wanking, more comfortable wanking, mutual wanking, bath sharing, inappropriate betting, secret shagging, those secrets at Hogwarts that everyone knows, and oblivious Harry who knows one thing: he's falling in love.

Storm in a Teacup by Faith Wood (faithwood)(7k)

For reasons he'd rather not think about, Draco is obsessed with Potter's hair. This cannot end well.

Smoke and Sweets by BiscuitBrunch(21k)

Draco spends his eighth year at Hogwarts under a study contract, working the Hospital Wing with Madam Pomfrey.

He should have foreseen how often that meant bumping into Harry Potter.

(In which a touch-starved Draco has a praise kink that Harry is delighted to indulge.)

Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster(16k)

Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome.

Good Company by Greenflares(8k)

With Hermione and Ron always together, Harry's return to Hogwarts to complete his education isn't exactly fun. Somehow, it's his unlikely friendship with Malfoy that keeps him sane.

Drop Everything Now by parkkate(21k)

After accidentally bonding himself to Malfoy, Harry finds himself in an utterly precarious situation...

Lumos by birdsofshore(41k)

Harry never expected to spend eighth year listening to Draco Malfoy wanking.

Cracked by epsilonargus(46k)

"Loving Harry Potter would be a messy thing and Draco knew he wasn’t much of a whole person himself, but Merlin, he wanted to love Harry Potter." An Eighth Year fic, wherein Draco is a delusional mess and Harry is always trying to save him.

Flower War by XxTheDarkLordxX(8k)

“So, I was thinking—” Neville cut off, causing Harry to peer up curiously. Neville’s eyes were narrowed on the flower, small frown marring his features. “Oh, how rude.”

“What’s rude? It’s just a flower. Strange, since Malfoy sent it to me. Do you think he was cursed? I mean, it’s not like him to be nice.”

Neville snorted, mouth twitching rapidly. “No, it’s not,” He agreed readily. “Malfoy sending this makes perfect sense though. The flower means, Beauty is your only attraction."-

Or... the one where Harry and Draco have a flower war. Their tamest fight yet to date as they trade silent insults, cutting barbs and even a few compliments sprinkled in.

the in-betweens by derekmaliknurse(42k)

A tale of inter-house unity, Dirty Dancing, the various charms of certain Gryffindors and the Slytherins who fall for them, and Celestina Warbeck, in which Harry James Potter shares a room with one Draco Malfoy and despite seven years of past seething hatred, has the time of his life.

Dragons Don't Talk by RamaThorn(15k)

In which Harry can't talk, Hermione soon will have a nervous breakdown, Ron's just confused and Draco has some illwishers (and talks a lot).

Dreaming of Harry by Writcraft(18k)

The first night Draco Malfoy dreams of Harry Potter, everything changes.

Sod Off Potter. by Bellad0nna(34k)

When Harry wakes up to a strange voice invading his head he feels as if he should be far more surprised and concerned than he actually is. Although it's to be expected at this point, after all there is always 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 wrong and it almost always involves Malfoy.

Or that one where Draco and Harry find themselves connected through some kind of ancient legilimency bond and decide to work together to figure it out. Love ensues.

The Smile by bixgirl1(1k)

Harry smiles at Malfoy, Malfoy smiles back, and Ron is surely rolling his eyes in the background somewhere.

Nice Things by aideomai(22k)

The first thing that happened was Theodore Nott came back from France.

Hungry by birdsofshore(24k)

The first thing Harry knew about it was when he woke up lying on a bed in the hospital wing, with his arm firmly stuck to the scrawny, milk-white arm of Draco bloody Malfoy.

Show Me by loveglowsinthedark(7k)

“We can be friends, if you like,” he says instead, nonchalant and careless.

“What I’d like,” Potter says seriously, “is to kiss you.”

Draco feels his jaw drop, feels the way his hair tumbles into his eyes when he whips around to stare at Potter. “What?” he breathes.

“I think I’d like to kiss you,” Potter repeats sombrely, no hint of mirth evident.

“You think?” Draco says steadily, proud of himself for holding himself together.

Potter’s eyebrows slide up briefly but then Draco can’t think or act or speak or breathe because Potter is leaning in and cupping his cheek gently. “I know,” Potter says simply, and kisses Draco.

106 notes · View notes

thedrarrylibrarian · 3 years

Note

Hey dear <3 I'm back for yet another favour from you. Could you please suggest some fics (less than 25K) that you think are worth reading? I can't make much time for long fics and I can't handle slow burns so :P

Thank you!

P.S. Your blog is amazing and you suggest some brilliant fics! You are one of the favourite drarry shippers of mine :)

Aww! You're so sweet! I am HAPPY to recommend some shorter fics. I love long fics, but I love short fics just as much. It takes so much talent to do excellent storytelling concisely and sometimes I just don't have the time to dedicate to a 80k fic. I went through my "read, but unrecced" list and here are the results!

Short Fics 2

Borrowed by @shealwaysreads (6,199 words, rated E)

Draco Malfoy can’t cast a Patronus. Well, no. He can’t cast his own.

The Dinner by brightowl (7,908 words, rated E)

Draco had been trying to beat the sunset, walking along the cobblestone road to the Chateau where he would be staying that night, when he saw the door. Le Billet Doux, said a painted red sign. Below it, réservations non requises: ‘no reservations required.’

Like Diamonds We Are Cut With Our Own Dust by @raitala (10,914 words, rated T)

Draco has borne the mark of the Dark Lord for over ten years. It is familiar to him, but he pays the price for it every day, and Harry has noticed.

Interpreting Draconis by Dacro (11,015 words, rated M)

Draco, the Deaf son of a wealthy businessman, has always had the best of everything, including a habit for rapid signing and a reputation for having a short fuse. When his father disappears, the interpreters who have been on the receiving end of Draco's attitude and temper refuse to work for him. Enter Harry, our 'new on the block' interpreter with a heart of gold, exemplary skills, and a few secrets in his pocket.

Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) by @bryoneybrynn (14,814 words, rated T)

When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.

Truth and Tradition by @malenkayacherepakha (16,203 words, rated M)

Pure-blood tradition dictates that every child learns about pure-blood culture and history when they first start to show signs of magic. When a reluctant Draco is told he has to teach Teddy, he doesn’t expect to learn new things about magic, the world beyond Diagon Alley, and an old schoolmate.

Mixed Drinks and Crossed Wires by @korlaena (16,470 words, rated E)

Draco is a handsy drunk. Harry is okay with it, really. They’re friends, so it doesn’t mean anything.

Two Zinnias and the Scent of Lemon by @the-starryknight (16,666 words, rated M)

The Ministry didn’t turn bad overnight. Harry didn’t suddenly turn rogue either. Between covert Legilimency links and Polyjuice disguises and running and running and running, Draco has forgotten what it is like to have a safe harbor that isn’t a person. If there’s an art to fighting back, then they’ll find it hand in hand.

freely, as men strive for right by @bixgirl1 (17,126 words, rated E)

How can Harry love a man like Draco Malfoy? If only Draco would let him count the ways. (Sometimes, a happily-ever-after takes a bit longer than you expect.)

The Isle of Discussion by @shealwaysreads (21,818 words, rated E)

Harry and Draco arrive at the shores of Loch Leven to record the magical history of the land. They’re friends now, but up there in the Highlands, amidst the trees and sky and that wild expanse of water their own past is more present than ever; a gap they still can’t bridge. Magic illuminates the truth, but it is Harry and Draco who have to speak it. Happily, it turns out that honesty is, in fact, the best policy.

Offer Up Our Hearts by @tackytigerfic (23,757 words, rated M)

Harry Potter has a very nice life, thank you very much. He's a top Curse-Breaker with a lucrative Ministry contract, and exciting prospects ahead. Sometimes he does wish that he had time to pursue something official with Draco Malfoy - they're half in love with each other, after all, and a great team (in and out of bed), though Draco is still one of the most infuriating people he knows. And when Draco asks Harry to accompany him on a diplomatic mission to the mysterious Sidhe fairies in Ireland, Harry agrees to lend his expertise. Especially since the Sidhe diplomat is a handsome fairy prince who's also in love with Draco. Join Malfoy and Potter in a daring tale of espionage, politics, intrigue, and frog-hunting!

In addition to these fics, I recommend you check out previous lists and check to see which fics are under 25k!

Short Fics or find it in my AO3 Collection!

❤️ As always, if you find a fic you enjoy, please remember to leave the author a kudos or a comment! ❤️

Lots of Love and Happy Reading!

314 notes · View notes

lambourngb · 4 years

Note

Duty of Care and /or Gravedigger’s Union

I did Grave Dancer’s Union - a nod to my 90s love of Soul Asylum here.

Duty of Care was another torture Michael fic- I wrote it pre-season 2, when I thought the love triangle was going in a particular way. I don’t know if there’s still an appetite to season 1 au stories? There’s some season 1 characterization of Alex ahead, particularly in regards to Jesse.

Here’s what I had - some of which already appeared here before Last Year’s Wishes ate my brain.

****

“Can’t believe Maria is still wearing the pendant of alien poison around her neck while she dates your alien ass, Guerin..” Kyle commented watching the decay values multiply as Liz titrated pollen into the samples.

The current theory on alien resurrection, and it said a lot about his life that he had competing theories on alien-involved resurrection, was that their ability to manipulate energy changed based on their needed life skills at the time of adolescence. Michael had been separated from his siblings young, and needed to develop defensive skills. The defiant and pained look on his face when he explained stopping an item being hurled at his head at the age of 7 was a needed survival tactic courtesy of foster homes he had passed through kept Kyle from questioning any further.

Isobel had through her mother Ann’s never-ending dinner parties and charity benefits, found comfort in seeing and knowing what was meant under the sugary sweet words of adults around her. Being a small child paraded around adults who were charmed by her blonde hair and blue eyes meant she had the most exposure to social events while Max hid in his books.

Finally Max had anointed himself as a fixer early on in their life. He had taken responsibility for Michael being left behind, and had tasked himself to protect his sister afterward. The defensive use of healing fit with his offensive ability to kill in the service of keeping those he loved safe.

At the most basic level, it was all energy from synaptic responses in brain waves to manipulating molecules to move or stop an object. How a pollen interrupted that energy use could theoretically solve the problem of how to jump start an ability.

“You think you might get around to telling her the big secret anytime soon?”

The mask over his mouth and face did little to block the glare Michael shot at him. “Shut up Valenti.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s Maria. She is a card carrying member of the ACLU and the Nature Conservatory. I had to bail her out of jail last year during an ICE protest. She’s not going to turn you over to the government.”

“Kyle!” Liz scolded, “We talked about this. Agency. It’s up to Isobel and Michael who knows. I already broke that with you.”

Michael ran a gloved figure over the counter absently. “I hate secrets, okay. This isn’t any fun for me, especially considering how many people already know. I went from having just Max and Isobel, to basically the whole graduating class of New Roswell High in on it. A lot of loose lips.”

The habit of 20 years of paranoid silence was probably a lot to try and break with a new relationship if that was the basis of it. There was a good amount of slack that Kyle could extend to Michael, including trying to be understanding when he started up with Alex’s best friend in the wake of Max’s death, but exclusion of Maria from the secret felt wrong to him.

He couldn’t fathom the reasoning behind lying to someone that he wanted to be in a relationship with, and he had a feeling that it wasn’t because of worries that she would tell someone about the aliens living in Roswell. While he couldn’t outright call Michael an asshole on Alex’s behalf, he could poke and prod him when the opportunity surfaced.

“You should look at this way Guerin, that larger circle means if something does happen, you’ve got more back up than just Isobel, with Max being out of commission.”

“Oh yeah, so if the government disappears me to a black site, you’re going to ride to my rescue?”

“Yes.” Kyle replied seriously. “I wouldn’t be alone either.” The name Alex Manes went unsaid, but from the brief wince on Michael’s face, he knew exactly who was being referred to obliquely. Scored hit again.

“Well as fun as this discussion is, I’m going to take off. Iz and I have practice plans.” Michael slipped his hat on, and tucked the stool away. “Liz, call me if you have a breakthrough on nullifying this stuff. For a rare flower, there sure was a lot of it stockpiled in Noah’s cave.”

“Sure thing, Mikey.”

“Valenti, make sure she goes home to sleep and eat at some point. I don’t want to have to put her in a pod next.” He ducked out of reach of her hand, laughing at the offended look she sent his way.

“Far be it for me to agree with him, but he’s right. You’ve been burning the candle at both ends and the middle between rebuilding your lab, researching Max’s healing power, studying this pollen, not to mention working at the diner. We should make time for something else, like a drink or a movie. Recharge.” The past month since Max’s ‘death’ brought back the manic energy burst from solving the issues with the depowering serum. From one catastrophe to another, it was barely time to recover before the next happened.

“I know, I just. I need to stay busy. It’s so quiet without him.” Liz stretched and started to tuck her last slide away into the cooler. “But I think I am done today, if I work anymore, I’ll just be making mistakes.”

Kyle slipped on his coat and held the door. “Not that I don’t believe you leaving on your own volition, but let me walk you out.”

“Lucky for you, I’m too tired to be offended.”

Kyle kept his hand on her back gently steering her through the hallways. The third shift was on at the hospital, and he winced to think about his own upcoming shift at noon tomorrow. Balancing football, his pre-med studies and his social life in Michigan taught him valuable life skills in working on short sleep, but even the hours of residency had no competition on his current life of alien lab work and tracking down government funding of a black ops prison project with Alex. When he mentioned a night off, he wasn’t only including Liz in that need.

Inhaling the cool night air, he calculated if he made it home, heated up a meal, and fell asleep promptly there was the opportunity for 6 good hours of sleep before meeting up at the bunker to check in on the data mining project Alex was running.

“You know, you should go a little easier on Michael.”

“I thought everyone in this town was in love with Max Evans, but apparently it’s Guerin.” Kyle retorted sarcastically.

Liz bit her lip at the mention of Max before sighing softly. “I’m serious, Kyle. He’s really messed up right now. I was actually shocked he was somewhat sober tonight.”

“I’m not going to be petty here Liz, and mention the obvious that we are all really messed up right now. I get where you’re coming from about their need for secrecy, but Maria really deserves better. I’m not her best friend like you are and Alex was, but I’ve been here in this town with her. She was there for me after my dad died, and she supported my mom’s election for sheriff. With Mimi getting worse, she deserves to have someone to count on, not someone who is lying to her, and by extension, making all of us lie to her as well.”

“Alex was? Past tense?”

He arched his eyebrow in disbelief, “I guess I am going to be petty tonight, but seriously Liz? Have you talked to Alex lately? Every time Maria comes up in conversation he puts his best ‘Baghdad was a little warm and I was just doing a job’ face on and repeats to anyone listening how happy he is for them. Guerin messed him up, and worse, took away from him one of the few people he lets himself drop that soldier bullshit front he has.”

Liz sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I know the history with Michael is a little complicated, but we don’t always get to choose who we fall for and who we don’t. Love is messy. It doesn’t color inside the lines and follow any of the rules.”

“Maybe you’re right about that, and maybe there’s no avoiding the heartache. I do believe though that you can choose whether or not to be a dick about things, and Guerin not telling Maria is a dick move and it’s got consequences.” Kyle unlocked his car, and opened the passenger side with a gesture. “Our sister doesn’t have many friends, and he’s robbing her of one right now. Rosa lost ten years because of aliens, don’t you think that’s enough loss for all of us?”

“Do you know how annoying you are when you’re right? I’ll talk to Michael, better yet, I’ll talk to Isobel about letting Maria in on the secret.”

He slid into the driver’s seat, smiling across to her. “Tomorrow. Tonight, what’s left of it, is for sleeping.” He turned the ignition, and stopped, as the headlights came up illuminating the familiar green Chevy sitting across the lot from them. “That’s Guerin’s truck.”

“He left before we did, what’s it still doing here?” Liz ducked out of the passenger seat and ran toward the truck without waiting for an answer. Kyle swore softly, untangling his hand from the ignition to follow her. The truck looked undisturbed, no sign of the occupant. Liz reached for the driver’s side door, testing it, and gasped as the door swung open. The ever present black hat slipped off the dash into the floorboards.

There were three things Michael prized above all others, his truck, his cowboy hat, and his sister. To leave two out of three unprotected was highly out of character for him. Kyle turned around the parking lot, scanning for signs of him.

“Kyle, look,” Liz grabbed his arm and pulled him down toward the wheel well of the truck. Gleaming silver in the light , tucked on top of the tire tread, was a syringe needle with a depressed plunger.

“That’s not good.”

She stuffed her hand into her pocket and withdrew a spare latex glove to wrap around her fingers as she lifted the syringe from the tire. She peered closely at the vial, a sickly yellow liquid film thinly coated the inside. “I think someone took him, and without testing it, I’m guessing this is some sort of knock out drug based on the pollen.”

Kyle reached for his phone, mentally saying goodbye to the idea of sleep anytime soon. “I’ll call Alex, you call Isobel. And I don’t know, I guess call my mom? I mean, we usually call the police when someone gets abducted.”

Liz thinned her lips, holding the needle with one hand as she dug out her phone with the other. “I don’t think you can call the cops on the government, which I’m guessing that’s what we are dealing with since they knew how to knock out Michael.”

The government, or more specially it was probably someone related to Project Shepherd. Kyle sighed, holding his phone to his ear. It rang once, before he heard, “What’s wrong?”

He pulled the phone away from his ear to make sure he had called Alex and not the psychic alien sister, “How did you know something was wrong?”

“You’ve called me twice in the last three months, once to tell me you put my dad in a coma and once to tell me about Max. You’re a texter, even though I explained it’s easier to keep things secret if you call. So again, what’s wrong?”

Kyle slowly walked back toward the hospital. He should have volunteered to call Isobel, because this was not going to be easy. “It’s Guerin.”

“Is he okay?”

“We don’t know. We think someone took him. Liz and I found his truck at the hospital, unlocked. It looks like he got jumped by someone who knows how to incapicitate him.”

“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

Kyle wasn’t surprised to see the call disconnected. It was a forty minute drive from the cabin to the hospital if someone followed the speed limits.

***

“It’s Guerin.”

Alex was somewhat aware that he must have replied. He was in his SUV and away from the bunker, before he’d registered that the call had ended. He could only be thankful that today had been a ‘pull day’, rather than a ‘push day.’

Alex could divide his days into two motivations, he either wanted to be as far from town and the chance of running into someone he knew (Michael) or he wanted to be close in case something happened that he could help fix (for Michael). The cabin was isolated enough that only Kyle made the trip from Roswell, but not in recent memory with the pace of lab work and hospital hours. Alex could comfortably avoid reality with his laptop until the second feeling took hold. The Project Shepherd bunker was an easier location to reach Isobel or Liz from when the inviatble call for assisting an intoxicated Michael came.

Seeing Maria meant seeing Michael in the evening hours, and it was strange to resort to in his post-service life the habit of a decade before; lying and hiding himself in every interaction. His calendar had a weekly reminder to join Liz and Maria at the Wild Pony for a beer, usually scheduled early enough that Michael was still at Sanders working, but late enough that the automated work emergency text to his phone could reliably give him cover for an exit.

Psychic as she was, Maria always let him go with a pained but relieved look. It wasn’t her fault that he was still in love with Michael. It wasn’t her fault that Michael wasn’t in love with him. Neither he nor Maria had so many friends that they could afford to lose one, but neither was fooling the other that the relationship hadn’t changed in the aftermath of her dating Michael.

This wasn’t his first go around with unrequited love.

He’d survived Brendon Urie, and he wasn’t ashamed to have been a sixteen year old pouring over fan meet and greets on livejournal before hitting the road with Rosa to see Panic at the Disco in Albuquerque just after school let for the summer. He might have mapped out Los Angeles coffee shops to busk at after he turned legal and could escape west to be a musician, coffee shops close to Silver Lakes and Encino neighborhoods to be organically discovered by his crush.

He had survived his fourteen year old obsession with Kyle, that lasted until it was safer to love unattainable rockstars versus the childhood friend now high school bully. He could laugh at himself for thinking that Kyle had turned on him because he felt the same way but just didn’t know how to articulate it outside of shoving him against the lockers and jeering at him in gym class.

Unrequited love that had once been returned was a higher bar to clear than a fan fantasy or a childhood crush, but then the sins Alex carried were deeper and more lasting as well. More than a ruined but now healed hand and a discarded scholarship, he had the murder of Michael’s mother to carry. He would survive Michael not loving him, he was reasonably sure of it. He wasn’t sure if he would survive something happening to Michael because of the Manes family legacy.

Someone knowing how to subdue and take Michael pointed to his family’s involvement.

He didn’t bother with the visitor’s desk at the hospital foyer this time, walking purposefully toward the elevator and wing where Liz’s new lab resided. The door opened to his touch, revealing Isobel hovering anxiously near Liz’s shoulder as she swabbed a syringe.

“You made good time.” Isobel greeted.

“I hacked the traffic lights.” Alex informed, setting his laptop case on the lab table, and popping the case open. A few keystrokes and he was inside the hospital network and probably breaking a dozen federal laws of privacy.

Kyle closed the door, and shook his head, “Seriously?”

“No. I was at the bunker.” He brought up the internal security logs, noting visitors and elevator access. “So what do we know?”

“Not a lot,” Liz replied, her gaze fixed on a spread of swabs and slides. “I’m trying to pull as many samples as I can from this syringe so I can analyze it. There looks to be a reservoir of 3 CCs. My original serum required a dose of at least 6 CCs to incapacitate, so whatever they used was more concentrated.”

“Hopefully less lethal,” Isobel observed. “Are you in the hospital network already?”

“Just what’s linked to the internal wifi signals. I’m going to need access to their security office since it appears the actual camera footage is on a closed circuit.”

Kyle pulled out his ID badge, “I can take you there, but how are you going to get the guards to let you look at the footage? I can still call my mom and make this an official police investigation.”

Alex dug into his pockets for a thumb drive, and then turned to Isobel, “I’m hoping you can influence the guard into letting me download the footage. If you can’t, then we will need to bring the sheriff into this.”

Isobel tapped her forehead knowingly, “If I can’t influence the guards to let you in, I can at least make one of them think he left his car unlocked or his coffee pot plugged in.”

“Let’s go then. Michael has been missing for at least an hour.”

Kyle tapped his badge at certain checkpoints, opening the electronic doors as they headed down to the security room. Alex made a mental note to scrub the ID tags once they were done, on the off chance someone was curious about the movements of a doctor who should have been long off duty.

The windowless room was covered in screens and held one guard boredly sipping his coffee while he watched a television show on his phone. There was a chance they didn’t need a psychic to gain access, but it was probably better safe than sorry.

Alex moved quickly after Isobel held the security guard’s mind in hers and slide behind the desk to call up the footage on the parking garage. Mindful of time, he plugged in his drive and started transferring all the raw data from the camera recordings. The antiquated hospital computing system did nothing to soothe the anxiety.

Long experience working with poor computing power and broken infrastructure while deployed in Iraq was the only thing that kept his inner impatience off his face. Touching the mouse or tapping his fingers never moved data faster.

Finally the file clicked over complete, he slid back from the bank of monitors, and nodded to Isobel. The security guard took a deep breath and look around briefly before picking up his phone and restarting the television show on his app.

The door clicked shut as the three of them hastened back to Liz’s lab. His hip barked at the hurried extension he placed on his body. With the clock ticking, the discomfort slipped into the box marked ‘to deal with later’. Once the drive was inserted, it was a matter of minutes to set up a scan for vehcile traffic entering and exiting the hospital parking lot.

Liz dug out a bottle of acetone for Isobel, who accepted it with a small smile and then nodded over to the laptop. “I hope you are having more luck with the security footage, than I am having with this drug.”

“I grabbed everything from the last 72 hours, just in case. It’s possible someone followed Michael to the hospital,” Alex balanced carefully onto the stool, keeping the weight off his prostetic. “I would have found a less populated area for a snatch and grab, but maybe they were worried about Michael’s powers and if so, then likely they scouted the view points of the cameras before they made their move to minimize their exposure. At least that’s what I would have done, if I had discarded the open road or home as possible targets.”

“Well we all know what a paranoid and careful asshole you are, Alex.” Kyle observed, working on a second set of samples.

“I try not to repeat my mistakes.”

“Like Caulfield?” Isobel asked pointed.

A sharp stab of pain went through him at the reminder. As if the prison ever left his mind for a moment these days. “Yes, like Caulfield. I should have found a more covert way to gain information than assume it was abandoned. I should have realized my dad had more going on than surveillance on Roswell.”

Kyle touched Alex’s shoulder with a comforting clasp, “At least we know he’s not personally behind this. Master Sergeant's main nurse likes me, she would have called if something had changed.”

Alex stayed silent, knowing that his next task would be gaining access to the long term rest home in Santa Fe where they had transferred his comatose father after he had attacked Kyle. There had been initial protests regarding the forged records until he had pointed out the other option had been to kill Jesse.

The classic body Chevy truck flashed on the screen with the timecode marking it as Michael’s arrival at the hospital. Alex paused and marked the frame for reference, then eased through the later clips watching for his exit. There were two cameras concentrated on the parking lot, one at the entrance/exit, and one with a long panoramic view of the lot, primarily to ward off a car thief or would-be mugger. It was grainy in grey scale, but at least he could be thankful that Michael drove such a distinctive truck. The task of finding an unremarkable Honda Prisius would have been daunting.

His hand stilled as he paused the footage on the slow but unmistakable swagger of a figure striding away from the hospital entrance toward the parked Chevy. Michael’s black cowboy hat hid his face but even absent such an identifiable marker Alex was sure could have picked out his body in a sea of others without question.

Michael reached his truck with no issue, unlocking the driver’s side door. His hand swept off his hat and casually tossed it into the front seat of the cab. Behind him, in the next parking aisle a nondescript panel van, a door opened slid open and a glint peeked out. Michael reached behind his neck, his body half in the truck and slapping at the skin there.

Alex inhaled sharply, fear and dread rising. It was a terrible thing to watch knowing it had already happened. Two figures dressed in plain dark clothing emerged from the van, and started toward the truck. Michael’s body half fell from the cab, and curled around the front wheel. Alex watched as the two effortlessly brushed off the weak struggles to fight their grasp of Michael’s shoulders, tugging him backward to the waiting van.

His body was tossed without care into the back, the door sliding shut blocking the last view of Michael. The two men split up from the van, circling around to the front doors. Alex numbly clicked on the frame, saving it, and switched over to the second camera focused on the entrance.

Watching his brother Flint calmly pay the ticket machine was not much of a surprise at this point.

“Kyle, I’m going to need you to call your nurse friend to check on my father.” He was proud that his voice was calm and even, despite the rising sickness within. “The good news is, this wasn’t a government issued black ops team that took Michael.”

“And the bad news?” Isobel prompted.

“It was personal, which means they aren’t as invested in keeping him alive.”

* * * *

[Isobel details their mental bond. That it feels blank]

“I was always closer with Max. I don’t know if it was a twin thing or being raised together, but Michael was always harder to connect with until recently. We’ve been practicing so much together, he started to take up a bit of space here, “ she patted her chest. “Not enough to fill the void where Max was, but enough that I could tell if he was happy or if he was angry. Strong emotions only came through. Lately it was a lot of anger but he wouldn’t tell me what was going on… “

“And now? Do you feel him now?”

Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head. “It’s empty. Blank. Like it was when we kids before he moved back to Roswell. I think he’s still alive, but he feels very far away, or very weak.”

[Alex waits patiently for the call. He thinks this is going to be an exchange of Michael for his dad, until he realizes his dad is not at the long-term care facility any more]

[Round table discussion at Max’s house to figure out what Jesse wants. Isobel finds out more about the shared past of Michael and Alex- and Maria shows up at the end looking for Michael]

“It’s been 2 days, why hasn’t your dad called with his demands? Is he not reading from the classic villain script this time?” Isobel wondered bitterly. “What is with your family, Alex?”

Kyle injected, “We don’t know that Sergant Manes is involved.”

“Don’t we? He disappeared from the nursing home just before Michael was taken. It seems pretty convenient timing to me.”

Alex pressed his fingers under his eyelids to relieve the building pressure. It had been a long two days of nothing after he received the call that the psuedonmyn he had checked his dad in unrder was no longer a patient in the long-term coma ward in Sante Fe. The staff was calling it a miracle that just after a devoted son had prayed at his bedside, he had woken up. Alex knew it was anything but divine intervention to have Jesse awake and free in the world.

“Isobel is right, this has Dad written all over it. Somehow Flint found out what had happened and woke him up. It’s been two days because I’m guessing he is still weak from the inactivity.”

Liz stirred from her claimed spot on the couch, cracking an eyelid. “What makes you think there’s going to be a demand, Isobel? Manes has what he wants, a new alien to test and torture. If you look at the research side of things, the aliens in Caulfield were all weak and elderly, and Michael’s a healthy 28 year old. Whatever fucked up weapon he was developing might need a younger test subject.”

“Now there’s a comforting thought.” Kyle muttered.

“I don’t think it’s research. This still feels personal to me. Michael still has an offensive power to defend himself with, the softer target would have been Isobel if he just wanted an alien to grab.”

“Gee, thanks Alex. Come closer and I’ll show you what I’ve been working on and see if you think I’m still a soft target after I turn your skull into crushed bone.”

***

Alex’s fingers were numb, as he pressed in his code to access his Whatsapp account. Waiting in his inbox was an unknown number and a video attachment. He abruptly dropped into the deck chair as the video opened to his worst fear made real.

Michael’s left eye was swollen shut, blood staining from the corner of his forehead, dripping down his cheek bone. His arms were stretched high above his head, disappearing out of frame. His shirt was missing, and there were sluggishly wounds striping over his shoulder and licking across his collar bone.

The camera turned, Michael blurring out of view. The monster that starred in seventy percent of his nightmares filled the screen. “Hello, Alex. I was hoping to keep you out of this, son, but this creature is being very uncooperative.”

Off screen, he heard a weak, “Go fuck yourself, Manes. I keep telling you, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jesse nodded to someone out of frame, and Michael screamed in agonizing pain. Long hiccuping gasps for air puncuated another softer, “fuck you.”

“Like I said, uncooperative. When we last saw each other, you had something that belonged to me. Jim Valenti stole it from our base, and refused to tell me what he had done with it despite my best efforts at persuading him.”

Michael cried out again, choking on a soft sob. Alex forced himself to watch, drinking in every detail for his later plans.

“With N-38 gone, I can’t hurt this thing the same way I did dear old Jim so I’ve had to get creative. Electricity just makes some of them stronger, but good old heat and sharp still work on them. We both know you can break its bones with enough force.” Jesse turned, pointing the camera toward Michael again, focusing on the dangling bare feet. “There are more bones per square inch in the foot, than anywhere else in the body. I am telling you this so you don’t doubt my resolve. This thing is relatively harmless for its kind, and I’m willing to return it to you in more or less good condition, if you bring me what Valenti stole. Let me know what you decide to do.”

The video cut off.

****

There was an expected role to play, like there always was when Jesse Manes was involved. Once it meant peppering his speech with ‘yes sir’ and ‘sorry sir’ and toning down his clothing in hopes of escaping his fists, and when that proved futile, it went in the opposite direction with makeup, nail polish, and piercings.

For all of his proud talk about the service, his father never served anywhere but stateside. His knowledge of tactical defense and enemy counter measures were likely twenty years of date, and Alex was counting on his father’s pride from keeping him unaware of the technology shift. The set up of the Project Shepherd bunker confirmed that.

He tucked his personal side arm into his thigh holster, securing to his left leg and reached for his secondary weapon to slip into his boot strapped to his prosthetic. The weight of the kevlar and vest registered briefly on his shoulders before it slipped into the blank shroud that had enveloped him as soon as he heard Michael’s cries. Knives and a pair of percussive grenades weighed down each side of his pockets.

A floorboard behind him creaked, his gun cleared the holster before his mind caught up on who would have followed him to his cabin. It was a little concerning that the sound of a vehicle hadn’t registered until now.

“Whoa, don’t shoot.” Kyle lifted his hands, halting abruptly. He took in the dark clothing, combat hardware and the array of weapons spread on the cabin’s table. “I guess we are going full cliche today, good to know.”

Alex dropped his arm away, resecuring his gun. “Then you know what I’m going to say already.”

“Humor me, then. This is a trap, Alex.”

“I’m well aware.” Alex flipped open a black case and pulled out his phone and laptop. Carefully he pulled out three silver discs, and a pair of jeweler’s glasses. He sat down in the chair, slipping the glasses on to peer down at the discs. “I’m going anyway.”

Kyle sighed, aggrieved. “Well I did promise Guerin if he got his ass kidnapped by the government, I would come to his rescue.”

Alex didn’t look up from his work, pressing a small pin on each disc. “You’re not going with me, Kyle.”

“I know this face is distractingly handsome, but tell me you remember all the time we spent on the range together as kids. I can shoot a gun.”

“Shooting a paper target is different from shooting at a human being.” Each disc beeped softly, then went silent. He pulled the glasses off with a satisfied smirk, “Besides, I need you to come with the cavalry. These are military grade GPS trackers that I’ve linked to my laptop and my phone. Once my father sees I’m there without the piece of the ship, he’ll take me to Michael so he can teach me a lesson.”

“What makes you think your dad won’t find these trackers?”

“I’m sure he will, but I’ve got a back up plan on that as well. My father has underestimated me my entire life. He thinks I am weak, that my emotions and desires cloud my judgment. He’s going to see he was wrong.”

“Alex.” Kyle hesitated, struggling for a moment before taking a seat at the table. He gently laid his hand on Alex’s wrist, stilling the other man. “We all want Guerin back safe but I want you to consider for a moment that your father is right, that your emotions are clouding your judgment. Because what I’m seeing right now is kind of freaking me out, dude. You’re dressed from head to toe in black ops murder gear with GPS trackers, which I didn’t even know you could buy, talking about going in alone, guns blazing, against your dad.”

“I got them on Ebay.”

“That’s what you’re choosing to focus on?”

“What are my other options, Kyle? He’s got Michael. He’s had him for two days, and there is exactly zero chance he doesn’t want both the UFO fragment and Michael.” Alex wrenched his hand away,. He inhaled deeply and pushed down the swell of thoughts of what had already happened to Michael in two days.

“I agree, but back when I laid him out with barbiturates in our bunker, you and I had a discussion about killing him. I seem to remember we decided against that.”

“No, Kyle, you decided against it and I went along with it. Which was clearly a mistake. This has been a long time coming, okay? He brought this on himself when he took Michael.”

“I knew there was no talking you out of this. I just don’t want you to do this alone.”

* * *

The lights were all on at the formerly known as Evans-Bracken residence, now just Evans.

“You look like you’re ready to storm the castle.” Isobel commented, before pushing the door open and turning back into the house. “I still haven’t felt anything from Michael. He could be dead, and all of this would be pointless.”

Alex winced and acknowledged the point before pushing the thought down. “He’s not dead.”

“How do you know? Your so-called cosmic connection?” She sipped from the glass in her hand, the scent of chemicals wafted to him. It was clearly not water.

Gently he wrapped his fingers around her hand, guiding the glass away before resting it on the table next to him. “Maybe, but in reality, if he was dead, my father would have taken someone else as leverage and he would have taunted me with my failure to protect Michael.”

****

[ So as you can see it needs a massive rewrite to fix my characterization- but I still like the plot of Jesse taking Michael for the ship piece- especially since the show fumbled on this so badly in 2x10-2x11. ]

#oh man early hiatus fic has a feel don't it?#Anonymous

8 notes · View notes

karasunorizaki · 3 years

Text

bittersweet always (sakuatsu angst fic)

Summary:

Every relationship has its ups and downs but they say if you really loved the person, you'd accept everything they are without reservations. Well, whoever said that forgot to mention that sometimes what you have to accept is whether or not everything they are is too much to handle.

or Sakusa Kiyoomi realising that he's had enough (i'm so sorry Atsumu but you are an absolute ass in this)

or the fic i wrote while i was drinking and i needed to get this of my chest and saw SakuAtsu as the perfect victims :')

Pairing: Sakusa Kiyoomi x Miya Atsumu

Genre: Angst, some Fluff (like v little), Kinda Toxic Relationship, it’s pretty much just Omi realising his worth you know

Wordcount: 6.5k

ao3 link

say hi to me on twitter if u have the time :D

omg sorry i got too lazy to make a header picture thing for this plus there are probably errors ahead too because i got too lazy to proofread this i just wanted to post it already lmao

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but they say that, if you really loved the person, you'd accept everything they are without reservations. Well, whoever said that forgot to mention that sometimes what you have to accept is whether or not everything they are is too much to handle.

It's so quiet that Kiyoomi can hear a pin drop but, at the same time, the noise in his head and heart feels like it can rival a thousand sirens.

Is this still right? is this still worth it? Should we keep going on or will that only hurt us more? All these questions left unsaid but taunts both Kiyoomi and Atsumu as they don't even have the heart to meet gazes.

They're only a dinner table distance away from each other but Kiyoomi has never felt so far from his tsum tsum.

They've been like this for almost half an hour now, their luggages still at the doorway untouched. He and his Tsum tsum needed to talk.

Tsum Tsum. He used to never call him that.

It was always Miya or just Atsumu you idiot before they both finally confessed their feelings to each other at the expanse of their teammates who were tired of their obvious pining for one another.

____________________

"Oi, i may look like a tomato right now but i am not even the least bit drunk!" Atsumu raises his empty glass at Bokuto, who was the one who pointed out how Miya Atsumu gets oh so easily red after a few glasses of alcohol.

They've been on about who gets drunk the easiest in the team and even though the whole team knows it's a tie between Hinata the low tolerance child and Bokuto the alcohol hogger, Atsumu's always won the title for the one who gets all alcohol tipsy blushy red the easiest.

Kiyoomi, who has his signature scowl on his face, thinks Tsum Tsum’s cute but would never admit to that.

"Did i hear that right, omiomi? did ya just call me cute?" Kiyoomi feels his world almost stop when he realizes that he blurted that he found Miya Atsumu cute out loud and curses whoever is up there for not giving him the strength to stop himself. Why oh why out of all the times he accidentally blurts out his pining over Miya, it's right when he's in front of him? Is it the alcohol? Kiyoomi never wants to consume alcohol again.

"Puh-lease he always does that, always under his breath, behind his mask, whenever tsum tsum is doing literally anything" Bokuto says as if it was a fact, emphasising on the words literally anything because not even Kiyoomi can deny that he does indeed do that, but that's not the point. May it have been out of his tipsiness or not, Kiyoomi only wants to punch his face but he knows he'll never hear the end of it from Akaashi-san.

But if Bokuto Koutaro valued his life he would know better than to keep exposing Sakusa Kiyoomi like thi-

"oh did Miya finally catch on to Sakusa's pining? ugh, finally" OH MY GOD WHAT EVEN ARE THESE TEAMMATES? Thomas groans into his hands, the rest of the team letting out howls and chuckling that echoes throughout the common area and Kiyoomi is already planning how to murder his teammates in their sleep OR maybe he'll just have himself signed over to another team, preferably onto a team that won't put him on the spot in front of his crush like this.

Crush- hah, that sounds so childish, Kiyoomi tells himself in his head just to check that nothing is wrong with his cognitive abilities and he's still able to speak to himself in his mind because he still can't believe that he blurted that out in front of Atsumu.

He'd been doing so well with just Bokuto or Hinata or even Captain Meian catching onto the muttering of a pining Sakusa Kiyoomi, but all that's thrown out the window apparently.

"Omi's what?" Atsumu the oh so ever oblivious boy blushes to the tip of his ears, head tilting to the side a little bit and it's as if all the annoyance in the world disappears for Kiyoomi and goddamnit not even the gods above (or more realistically, Atsumu's own twin brother) can tell him Atsumu looks stupid when he blushes like this because he's so extremely cute in his eyes and only Atsumu will ever have this kind of effect on Kiyoomi and he's trying so so so s o hard not to let that show right now even though he feels like he's going to combust-

"I think it's time they finally discuss about pining over each other in private, boys" with a smug expression on his face, Bokuto is able to file each of the members of the msby out of their shared living room and retreat to their own bedrooms.

So he wasn't just tipsy, he was being the sly ass Kiyoomi knows he's always been. Oh he's so getting it, Kiyoomi might just 'accidentally' spike a ball to Bokuto's head during the next practice.

If Atsumu were to still set to him after this, Kiyoomi is already calculating in his head how much force he had to put into a spike to really get back at the black and silver haired man. He watches each of the members of the team give him a small nod, if it was out of approval or a small cry for forgiveness for riding along Bokuto's shenanigans, Kiyoomi doesn't want to know.

But right now, he feels like he's frozen when left alone in the presence of someone he's been undeniably been pining for the past few months. Miya Atsumu in all his glorious blushing state looks at him with an expression Kiyoomi can't read but he feels so vulnerable and the ice in his veins melts and now he feels like he's sweating.

Ah, crap. Am i sweating? Do I smell? Can he hear my thoughts? Why is he not saying anything? Why am I not saying anything? Sakusa Kiyoomi, say something for the love of everything good in life you can't just call Atsumu cute and act like a fish out of wa-

"Tsum tsum" the silence is first broken by Atsumu and even in his blushing tomato looking state, his expression softens and goddamnit did kiyoomi blurt that out loud again "it's the first time you called me Tsum tsum and i think i like it and I like you"

"Well it's a fitting nickname for- wait" what? did he hear that right? or was it the inner demon in Kiyoomi supplying him with stupid thoughts like this again "did you ju-"

And Kiyoomi barely has any time to process anything that's happening but all he knows is that Atsumu's lips are as soft as he's been imagining, sweet with a tinge of bitterness presumably from the alcohol they've been consuming all night and his warm palms cupping his cheeks are soft and holding Kiyoomi like he's so fragile and Kiyoomi has to mentally slap himself to try and at least reciprocate the kiss because Miya Atsumu is kissing him.

OH MY GOD THEY'RE KISSING, Kiyoomi's inner demon doesn't even have the creativeness to make this a figment of his imagination.

"I'm sorry i didn't ask first" is what atsumu says when he breaks away from the kiss, his breath fanning over Kiyoomi's lips and his eyes half closed.

Is he still staring at my lips? Kiyoomi thinks he is and he can't even deny that he himself is doing the same thing but with Atsumu's lips.

"It's just that i've liked ya for a while and i'm not good with words and the way the others said how you've pined over me so i kinda assumed-"

"I like you too, yeah" Kiyoomi finally says and it feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest from the months and months and months of harbouring feelings for one (1) Miya Atsumu "i don't think i'm good with words either"

So they take that as a sign to have their second kiss of the night, one with a little bit more passion and it's more intoxicating than the alcohol. So what if they aren't good with words? They're finally able to start their love story and it's all because Sakusa Kiyoomi was finally called out on for his pining.

Who needs to be good with words when Miya Atsumu is so good at kissing?

____________________

Ironically though, the thing with relationships is that you have to be good with words. With each other, at least. People don't say 'Communication is key' for nothing after all.

Yet here both Atsumu and Kiyoomi sit opposite to each other without any vocal exchange, again, for the past hour. Both their hearts are screaming at the other, wanting to just be in each other's arms again and hold each other, giving each other kisses and make love and have everything be okay between them

But things aren't okay between them.

They haven't been for a while and Kiyoomi knows this. Atsumu, still tsum tsum in Kiyoomi's heart, knows this. Things have been extremely toxic and they've been putting temporary bandaids to problems that can't always be solved with fucking and the on and off again thing.

When this started, Kiyoomi doesn't know. But he knows when he finally realised that whatever they have won't last or why it won't last, he remembers it well but just because he realised it then doesn't mean he was ready to accept it.

He loves Atsumu with everything he is, he can't just easily accept that maybe the stars aren't aligned for them.

____________________

"When are you going to stop acting like a child and actually talk to me about this?" Kiyoomi is furious, fingers running through his hair as his gaze pierces through Atsumu's thick skull and he won't even turn his head to look at him "We lost a fucking game and he just made sure i was okay, Atsumu"

The name tastes so bitter on his tongue. Tsum tsum or Tsumu, it always was. But he doesn't have the heart for it now.

"If he brings you so much fucking comfort then maybe you should just run to him instead" even with his childish murmuring, the silence of Kiyoomi and Atsumu's dorm in the olympic village gives him the advantage of hearing Atsumu's words

"I understand that you're feeling this way because he's my ex, Atsumu. But we're literally on the same olympic team and it's out of my control. Am i seriously not allowed to even breathe around Waka- Ushijima-san?"

Kiyoomi understands Atsumu and his insecurities. Understands it all too well by now.

He knows his boyfriend inside out and from the months and months of trying to help him through it because he's holding onto Atsumu's promise to 'change his habits' of being so harsh with his words when he has his moments and this is the moment during every argument they have where Kiyoomi is holding his breath, he doesn't want to fight.

He's hoping Atsumu realizes when he's being extremely irrational or knows when he gets on Kiyoomi's nerves.

Because Kiyoomi's never been one to stand down, yeah sure he was taught by his mother to be wise in picking his fights and to defend himself when necessary but goddam does Atsumu and his moments rile Kiyoomi up so bad or maybe Atsumu makes Kiyoomi feel like he always has to defend himself.

Atsumu, the person who is supposed to be his partner, his number one supporter, the person who he doesn't need to be defending himself to. Yet he feels like he has to every single time.

Maybe Atsumu brings out the worst in Kiyoomi.

"Ushijima-san my ass. I know you call him Wakatoshi-kun. I know you've been spending extra time with him the past few weeks and don't even get me started on the fuck-me eyes, Kiyoomi" Atsumu's fuming as he rambles, fist clenched at either side as he's finally faced his boyfriend for the first time since they came into the room.

"Fuck-me eyes- are you serious right now? Like i had just literally said, we're on the same olympic team and that's out of my control. He's the team captain and everyone looks at him with adoration, Atsumu, but fuck-me eyes? that's just ridiculous. Additionally, what Ushijima-san and I had was way back in highschool! How are you still not over that?" Kiyoomi isn't usually a man with many words but as he's found out ever since the first argument he and atsumu had, he's been non stop preparing long speeches in case of times like this "We should be endlessly celebrating the fact we're on the same olympic team but here we are arguing and we have been since the day you found out the line up for this team! I only have eyes for you, goddamnit! My heart is yours only the same way your heart is mine. Always. That's our promise, remember?"

Kiyoomi can hear the desperation in his own voice and it's making him cringe. Lately, he's been subconsciously keeping tally of all the times he sounds like a wounded animal in front of Atsumu.

To Kiyoomi, this means when he's practically pleading the other to just stop being such an ass.

"Frankly, i don't feel like your heart is only mine" Atsumu huffs out and at any other time Kiyoomi would think he looks adorable with his cheeks puffed out like this but there are tears pricking at Kiyoomi's eyes because Atsumu is always like this.

It feels like they're the most perfect couple in the world when they aren't arguing, always promising each other that they're only theirs.

Always, they make sure that the other remembers. But it feels like Atsumu completely throws all that out the window when any man nay- any PERSON comes near kiyoomi and kiyoomi feels so suffocated.

It's all thrown out the window when Atsumu, out of no where, picks fights with Kiyoomi over some stupid thing that they should have been over for months now.

It's all thrown out the window when Atsumu chooses to act like a complete child paired with the biggest asshole in the world, throwing curses at Kiyoomi.

It's all thrown out the window when Kiyoomi calls Atsumu out on his asshole act and instead of listening to him, Atsumu chooses to become even more of an asshole and Kiyoomi is so out of words for how frustrated he is with the person he loves the most because he's been trying so hard for so long and it only feels like it's getting worse.

"Why do i always feel like i have to keep proving myself to you? We've been together for how long, atsumu? Almost 2 years now? Where's the promise you made me? The one where you said you'd at least try to change your toxic trait of being so harsh when you get insecure because you know how your words can seriously hurt me? Or the one where we'd both be compromising for each other when we encounter a road bump? You were the one who told me you wanted to change and, being the supportive boyfriend i am for you, i'm trying to help you do just that but it feels like you don't even want to change for yourself." Kiyoomi can hear his pulse and his chest feels tight. Kiyoomi isn't usually a sensitive man, he can take a few punches to the gut from other people but Miya Atsumu has become his weakness and unfortunately also the person who's able to hurt him the most.

"So what, you want me to change then? Suddenly i'm not enough for-"

"For fucks sake, that's not what i'm trying to say, atsumu! That's never what i'm trying to say. We're in a relationship, it's a give and take. I accept that you have your insecurities and i've changed what i can about me when i can about that to fit your needs, always reassuring you when i need to but you also have to do your part and know when things are out of my control." Kiyoomi's voice cracks and he wants to stop talking but he knows he can't just stop there "This is our what? millionth time fighting about Ushijima? Billionth time fighting about things i can't control like people being around me? How will we work if you don't seem like you want to at least help me out on working on your insecurities?"

Kiyoomi knows he's being a little overdramatic with the numbers but he knows that he has to be, being with such a drama queen of a boyfriend.

"Well maybe we shouldn't work. Maybe we should just break up again. Maybe you keep feeling like you have to prove yourself to me because it just isn't enough anymore. Hell, maybe you should just strut back to Wakatoshi-kun, I'm sure he won't make you feel like you're inadequate since he brings you so much comfort. Maybe you should accept the fact that i'm always going to be like this and if that's not for you, then maybe fuck this relationship" and as soon as the words leave Atsumu's mouth, Kiyoomi can see the regret in his eyes but it's too late.

That's all out there now.

"Atsumu, that's enough" the voice of Suna snaps Kiyoomi out of his trance and he realizes that he's full on crying now.

And even like this, Kiyoomi is thinking of ways to defend Atsumu to Suna, who is Atsumu's high school teammate so he should know Atsumu better than anyone, yet he still wants to apologize for him and for making so much noise in their dormitory from all the arguing he's sure he's kept the whole japan national volleyball team awake from their screaming and even for not realising they didn't lock the door on their way inside due to all these intense emotions.

But all Kiyoomi can think about is how Atsumu's past the point of no return–again.

The little hope Kiyoomi holds out for Atsumu during every argument has been squashed into nothing and Kiyoomi's already beaten up heart feels so so heavy.

"Omi, i didn't mean that. Wait-" Atsumu tries to reach out for Kiyoomi but right now Atsumu feels like fire and Kiyoomi doesn't want to get burned so he steps back, tears still streaming down his face because this is the final straw.

There may have been months and months and months of happiness and carefree love between them but there have also been the same amount of months and months and months of crying and arguing for the two and Kiyoomi has had it.

Kiyoomi is so tired of Atsumu being like this.

Kiyoomi is tired of them being like this.

Kiyoomi is tired of this.

"I think it's best if we talk when all of this is over, Atsumu. You're right. I've been so accepting of your insecurities and working around it but maybe i've been accepting the wrong thing." Kiyoomi is thankful that Suna has stepped in between them because he knows that he'd run back into atsumu's arms if he weren't there.

Every other argument would end up in just fucking and pretending it never existed or it would end up with Kiyoomi going the extra mile into compromising for his lovely boyfriend and it's taking so much of Kiyoomi's energy.

"Omi-"

"Don't omi me now, atsumu. I'm going to ask if Bokuto can switch with me for the night and i will see you when all of this is over" He's surprised he's able to even have the strength to resist Atsumu right now, what with all him suddenly going soft on Kiyoomi.

He's always like this though, says the most hurtful things then goes soft and acts like i should pretend he never said anything. This repeated cycle of having to throw away Atsumu's hurtful words even though he ponders on them for so long was chipping away at Kiyoomi's sanity.

"You can take my spot, Sakusa-san. I'll stay with Atsumu. I room with Aran, if that's okay with you" Suna suggests as he turns his head to look at him, they both somehow know what the other is thinking– Atsumu is okay with Aran, he won't cause a huge fit if Sakusa stays in the same room as Aran.

The fact that even at the height of all this emotion, Kiyoomi still has to think about what Atsumu won't cause another fight over, makes his head hurt even more.

"Thank you. It'll only be for this last night" Kiyoomi pushes past Suna so he could pick up a couple of his things and in the corner of his eye he can see Atsumu being held back by his friend, Atsumu's watchful eyes following Sakusa picking up whatever things he'd need for their last day for the medal giving ceremony.

"i'll come back for the rest of my things tomorrow before everyone packs up"

Atsumu can only silently nod because he knows that in the short amount of time that he spewed out daggers at his omi and right now, saying anything else would only further cause the rift between them to widen- as if staying silent would magically make up for the months and months of hurting they've caused one another.

Kiyoomi wordlessly leaves the room, unable to stop the tears spilling from his eyes as he tries to remember which room Suna and Aran stay at, a small duffle bag slung on his shoulder whose weight pales in comparison to how heavy Sakusa's heart feels at the moment.

Omi is tired of this.

____________________

Things are still tense between the two lovers during the present as they still stay silently seated opposite to each other, pride probably in the way of them talking things out.

I want to just hold him, i want him to kiss me silly again, i want us to make love even just for one last time. Kiyoomi's heart is going bat shit crazy in his ribcage from the lack of attention and care from Atsumu (and himself, he thinks) and it's taking so much of Kiyoomi's life force to keep a straight face in front of Atsumu because he will not be the first one to crack.

In all their arguments, he likes to think he's always been the more level headed one between them. Always the one to be the ice breaker, always the one to have to compromise too.

And it's finally come to the point where Kiyoomi has developed so much mannerisms and ticks and fears and insecurities about himself, most of which he didn't even know he had in the first place.

He's come to a point where he has to always cut conversations with his friends short especially if its someone he knows Atsumu can get easily jealous of.

He's come to a point where doesn't even open up to Hinata or Bokuto anymore.

He's come to a point where he doesn't even want to go out by himself anymore, scared he'd piss off his boyfriend.

Months of arguing have lead up to this. Months of screaming at each other, not getting anywhere emotionally before deciding to fuck it lets just have angry sex and pretend nothing's wrong in the morning.

____________________

During the first months of their relationship, waking up next to each other with the sunlight spilling through the blinds especially after a night of love making felt like absolute bliss, arms protectively wrapped around the other with their breathing as the only sound heard from one another.

Jet black eyes would meet with piercing golden brown ones Kiyoomi would always get lost in and, with the faintest smile traced with nothing but sleepiness, they'd just almost telepathically tell each other '5 more minutes' but that could also easily translate to 'i wanna spend more time with you like this. i love you'

But it's been months since they found themselves lovingly tangled with each other in bed, and the sunlight that spills through the blinds feels harsh and scorching hot as they lay next to each other but with their backs facing their lover.

Kiyoomi can feel the sting of Atsumu's scratches on his chest and shoulders, the heat of blooming dark purple hickies on his neck and bruises on other parts of his body, his bones aching from the rigorous fucking they did from last night.

It stings more than usual, and Kiyoomi guiltily disgusted with himself.

'Angry sex again, huh?' Kiyoomi thinks bitterly as he musters up whatever strength he has left to be able to get through the day. This seems like a routine to them by now. Atsumu somehow magically– and quite annoyingly, to Kiyoomi's misfortune– will find something to argue about, they start screaming at each other, then they fuck.

'When was the last time Atsumu made love to me?' There's tears prickling at Kiyoomi's eyes as he turns his head to check on his sleeping boyfriend.

He has the same marks Kiyoomi has, red angry scratches lining his skin and hickies and bruises blooming at various parts of his body. He's no better than him in this toxic cycle.

If they don't end up fucking, it's either they decide to call it quits, ignore each other for a few days or weeks then find each other unable to resist and they fuck it out OR Kiyoomi, out of desperation, will come up with a compromise (one that's a compromise on his part mostly) just to be able to save the relationship.

This isn't healthy anymore. They can't keep doing this. But whenever Kiyoomi tries to think of what they could do just to save the relationship, he comes up empty.

He's tried everything.

He's opened up to Atsumu about his really toxic ways, how he tends to be really passive aggressive and how that's counterproductive in their relationship.

Kiyoomi has tried asking friends for help, that only made atsumu throw a fit, saying that omi is trying to make atsumu look bad to everyone else– which irritated Kiyoomi because, hello? he was only trying to ask them for help, something Kiyoomi ever rarely does because he likes to think he's very independent and capable of handling his own problems, but being with Atsumu has pushed him to do a lot of things that's so out of his character in the name of saving their relationship.

Kiyoomi even tried to suggest couples counselling, but he got so scared of even bringing it up to Atsumu to his face in fear of it starting another fight.

It's gotten to the point that Kiyoomi will try to avoid ANYTHING that would start an argument, which he finds extremely draining on his part, especially when Atsumu still finds something to argue about.

Kiyoomi doesn't even remember what they fought about last night. Hell, Kiyoomi doesn't remember the last maybe 20 fights they had the past few months. It's just been a cycle of something ticking Atsumu off or something he'd find, even the most completely ridiculous thing such as some stranger locking gazes with Sakusa for a little to long, then they'd start screaming each other's heads off.

It was about the olympics, Kiyoomi tries to remember, or at least it was something related to that. They got the news earlier that day about being olympic boyfriends and Kiyoomi wanted to celebrate but for some reason Atsumu had been in such a foul mood, when he finally revealed that it was because Wakatoshi-kun, 'Omiomi's oh so handsome and amazing first love', was also in the line up, Kiyoomi blew a fuse from the amount of irritation that built up because all he wanted was to celebrate being olympic boyfriends for fucks sake and this is what Atsumu's gonna focus on?

But there was a lot of screaming. A lot of threatening, mostly from Atsumu and his passive aggressive tendencies.

"Then fucking leave, if that's what you want. You've been waiting for me to fuck up this whole time anyways so you could get out of this, right?" Atsumu's words will always sting Kiyoomi no matter how many times he'd encounter them– and believe him, it's quite a lot– because why would Kiyoomi ever want for Atsumu to mess up? Atsumu is everything he'd ever hoped for outside of volleyball.

He doesn't even want to remember whatever speech he gave to atsumu after he said that because it's all the same thing to Kiyoomi now. He's always felt so inadequate whenever they fight like this. And it's not like he tried to fight these thoughts. Of course he has.

Atsumu is the sweetest when they're okay. Atsumu is the most thoughtful. Atsumu is funny and is the only person who can make one (1) Sakusa Kiyoomi actually giggle. Atsumu is oh so determined in everything he does especially in volleyball and Kiyoomi's always admired him for that.

But the moment atsumu's insecurities seep in, which have been more often than not the past few months, everything just turns to absolute shit.

"Goodmorning, omi" Kiyoomi almost jumps at the feeling of atsumu's lips on the skin of his shoulders and ah they're pretending to be okay again and, like the good boyfriend he is, Kiyoomi turns his head to greet his tsumtsum with a kiss to his temple, the sickly sweet tone of his own 'good morning, tsumtsum' causing him to inwardly cringe.

It's only a matter of time until he snaps, he's guessing.

____________________

"Atsumu-"

"Omi-" they call for each other at the same time, the first things they've said the whole night, and atsumu lets out a soft sigh "It's really 'atsumu' now, huh?"

Kiyoomi doesn't say anything. He doesn't have the energy to even call him Tsumu or Tsumtsum because kiyoomi is just tired– he's finally snapped.

"This isn't gonna be one of those break ups where we get back together after a few weeks of ignoring each other, is it?" he can hear the tremble in Atsumu's voice and oh my god he wants to go up to him and hug him and kiss him and tell him everything between them is going to be all right.

But Kiyoomi knows if he does that, it's just be him lying to both of them. He loves Atsumu, loves Atsumu just as much as he loves his career and his friends, all a different special place in his heart but the love is definitely there.

He loves Atsumu so much that he doesn't want to let him go, but he knows he needs to.

It's something he knows he has to do. To let this go, a decision he's been absolutely trying to avoid because he doesn't want to lose his Atsumu. But Kiyoomi is starting to lose himself in the process and he can't let this continue any further.

It has to stop.

"I've had enough of the straight up verbal abuse in this relationship and i've been so stupid to keep defending you to everyone. I've defended you to our friends, my family, your own family and even to myself. I love you and i love you so much but you're right, Atsumu" Now Kiyoomi can feel the tremble in his own voice but he braces himself, taking in a shaky breath before continuing "This isn't going to be like our other breakups anymore"

All this was directed toward Atsumu but Kiyoomi knows he needed to really vocalise it so he himself could hear his own words and actually believe it.

Atsumu's eyes are locked in on him and at any other given time Kiyoomi would feel absolutely small under his gaze like this when it's all intense and serious, but right now he's looking at Atsumu and his gaze looks so hollow.

And he knows that it's because it's finally getting through to Atsumu, what this is all about.

They aren't healthy for each other anymore.

Because yeah, every relationship has it's ups and downs. And yeah they say if you really loved the person, you'd accept everything they are without reservations, but whoever said that forgot to mention that sometimes what you have to accept is wether or not everything they are is too much to handle.

And it's become very clear to the both of them what they have to really accept– they aren't made for one another, not when they're like this.

Not when, even after months of trying, Kiyoomi still cries himself to sleep because of his developed insecurities of himself due to feeling so inadequate for Atsumu.

Not when, even after a million tries of talking about it, Atsumu will refuse to stand down and still continue on his passive aggressive insecure little man ways.

Not when, even after defending Atsumu in his honour to his friends, everyone (mostly Hinata, Bokuto, and Komori) can see and will point out the tiredness in Kiyoomi's eyes when they have alone time with him.

“I’m not even going to ask because i already know” Komori had told him one time, referring to the redness and puffiness of Kiyoomi’s eyes, during brunch after a night of arguing with Atsumu over something Kiyoomi doesn’t even have the energy to try to remember.

They're both at an age wherein they'd like to believe that they've gone through a lot in life already, both together and separately. Maybe Kiyoomi will always get a little too sensitive and hurt over Atsumu's words and maybe Atsumu will never stop letting out those words that feel like ice cold daggers to Kiyoomi's heart.

It's time to finally face things for what they are.

Wordlessly, Atsumu gets up from his seat and walks over to Kiyoomi, who finds himself on his feet as well, the tiniest fear of another scream fest striking his heart but Atsumu only reaches down to hold his hands.

And oh how Atsumu's hands feel so cold right now, the tips of his thumbs that Kiyoomi used to kiss only after atsumu washes his hands now gently caressing over kiyoomi's knuckles. These hands that fit so perfectly in his feel so cold right now and Kiyoomi can hear Atsumu take in a deep breath.

"I really put you through all that, huh?" he sniffles, obviously trying to fight back the tears that threaten to spill from his eyes, very opposite to Kiyoomi who's always been so vulnerable in front Atsumu, tears already blurring his vision "Maybe we really have been accepting the wrong things about each other all this time"

Kiyoomi finally agrees with what Atsumu is saying, fucking finally they're on the same page. Unfortunately for them, it's at the end of what they everyone thought would be a beautiful relationship if things had gone differently.

"Not that you don't deserve to be accepted flaws and all, but i've lost all hope that the person who does that for you is me" and curse the tiny hiccup that Kiyoomi lets out at the end of that sentence, he has to be the strong one in this.

He's the one finally letting all this go no matter how painful it is for the both of them, because he loves Atsumu so much he doesn't want to be selfish anymore.

Atsumu finally lets his tears fall, a huge contrast to the hearty chuckle that rumbles from his chest. He's laughing at my hiccup, that fucker– and Atsumu lets go of one of Kiyoomi's hands to cup his cheek.

"Can i at least have one final kiss?" Atsumu's signature smug smirk paints his expression and as much as Kiyoomi wants to punch this man right now, he knows his heart will threaten him to stop beating if he doesn't relish in the love of Miya Atsumu for one last time.

And that's what they do. They have one final kiss, until it becomes another, and then another, each one more passionate than the last. It's sloppy, and quite salty from the tears their both letting spill from their eyes but neither give a shit about it right now because they both know this is the last time they're going to be in each other's presence like this.

Atsumu is gentle with Kiyoomi the same way Kiyoomi is gentle with Atsumu that night, both spilling their heart out at each other through actions. There's no harsh biting, no scratching down each other's backs, no gripping at the other's hips or shoulders so hard bruises would form and they're able to say they made love for the last time even if it meant they were saying goodbye. It's bittersweet, really.

And so Kiyoomi wakes up the next morning with an ache through out his whole body, similar to the kind of ache after every angry sex session they'd have but completely different in effect, but that ache pales in comparison to how much his heart misses the warmth of Atsumu's body on their bed– he knows it's empty.

He knows because Atsumu's warmth is the first thing his hands sought out to only to be greeted with cold, empty sheets.

He didn't even stay they night, Kiyoomi's brain supplies him as the space in the bed was cold and barren of any trace of a Miya Atsumu.

His heart aches because he and Atsumu are finally over. But also, he can't help but notice how the weight on his shoulders feel like it's disappeared and he knows it's because he and Atsumu are finally over.

Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi were always meant to cross paths, Kiyoomi tells himself. They were meant to meet at some point, make stupid promises to each other like always and they were meant to share love. But they both now know that no matter how much fight you put into keeping each other from drifting away, if you aren't meant to be together in the end, you'll just have to accept it.

He'll always love Miya Atsumu. He knows that. Unlike the fleeting high school puppy love Ushijima Wakatoshi and he shared all those years ago, which was in all honesty quite pleasing to look back at because it was innocent and bright and everything a teenager should experience at least once in their teenage lives, the love he has for Miya Atsumu was intense and both calming and irritating.

The love he has for Atsumu is ever consuming and he doesn't mind that. It's a kind of love not everyone is required to experience, but Kiyoomi is still thankful that he did. Things were always intense both in the best and the worst way and it may have lead to the demise of their relationship, but he'll always be thankful for one (1) Miya Atsumu.

Miya Atsumu will forever be his bittersweet always.

____________

small author’s note: this is the first thing i’ve posted on my tumblr and i just really wanted to get this out ‘cause this is kind of a reflection and is very similar to my last relationship (excluding the parts where i’m a pro volleyball player ofc lmao) so i kinda just wrote this from experience (i’m sentimental like that) and am currently on a sakuatsu brain rot roll recently so :// im so sorry atsumu ik ur not this big of an ass pls

#haikyuucreations #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#sakusa kiyoomi #miya atsumu #angst #haikyuu angst #sakuatsu #i made atsumu an asshole #im sorry atsumu #omisuffer

1 note · View note

drarryspecificrecs · 4 years

Note

Hello! I'd like help finding a fanfiction, please! Its 8th year, Draco messed up something in potions and the potions professor got pissed and made him stay back to clean up, and then Harry's like, he has classes now though, but the professor says its his punishment. Thank you in advance!

Hi nonnie~ I haven’t read this fic so I hope my lovely followers can help you :)

---

ETA: Thank you for your help, @uggghhhwhy ♥

Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) by @bryoneybrynn [T, 14k]

When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.★ H/D Holidays 2010

#drarry #drarry fanfic #fic search #drarry fic rec #fic 2010

31 notes · View notes

snowywalk · 4 years

Text

Drarry Fic List: 8th Year

Through the Garden - orphan_account (68k)

“Potter?” He asks, his voice barely audible.

Potter glances over at him once he’s set his stuff down. “Hey, Malfoy. “ Draco blinks. “We’re doing partners today, uh…” he trails off, adverting his gaze to the cauldron sitting on the table. “Would you – do you want to be partners?”Aka, after a rough 7th year, Draco's mother forces him to return for 8th year. His plan of making it through the year unnoticed fails when Harry Potter offers to be his partner in Potions. Draco's obsession with Potter starts to grow once again

TW: Suicidal Thoughts

Apologize - rh2036 (70k)

Draco Malfoy, forced to go back to Hogwarts for his eighth year after the war, is not sure he wants to change who he is. But with constant anxiety attacks, he isn’t sure that his current way of life is working out for him. Will rooming with Harry Potter help him make amends and realize his ability to be a good person?

Becoming Us (Part 1) - VivacissimoVoce (28.1k)

Following the war, Harry Potter and friends return to Hogwarts to repeat their interrupted final year. To everyone's surprise Draco Malfoy returns as well, but something has changed. Harry learns the weighty consequences of being marked as a Death Eater and must decide whether to help Draco escape his past. Non-canon Dark Mark backstory

Becoming Us (Part 2) - VivacissimoVoce (Sequel ) (56k)

Harry and Draco have discovered their feelings for each other. Now they must decide whether to keep their relationship a secret or share it with the world. Starts 20 minutes after the conclusion of Part 1 and takes them through the end of their 8th year at Hogwarts. Non-canon Dark Mark backstory.

The Anchor - donnarafiki (orphan_account) (54.1k)

Draco has to go back to Hogwarts for his eighth year. Either that, or it’s back to Azkaban according to his parole agreement. Which all wouldn’t be that big of a problem, if only Pansy learned to keep her trap shut and Potter would put on a bloody shirt before leaving the showers. Honestly, he had enough to cope with inside his own head without green eyed gits messing with it as well.

TW: Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Self-Harm, Eating Disorders

What Malfoys Don’t Do - Monstrous_Femme (50k)

There are things that Malfoys simply don't do. They don't cry, or show any emotion unless entirely unavoidable. They don't back down. And they certainly don't admit that maybe, just maybe, they might be wrong about a few things.

Draco's back for his eighth year, and with everything that's changed, these basic rules will soon be called into question.

TW: Suicidal Thoughts

Cracked - epsilonargus (46.4k)

Required Courses - punsandships (32.2k)

Draco Malfoy is court-ordered to finish an eighth year at Hogwarts, which is fine, except that's where Harry Potter is. Draco's spent years training himself not to think about Potter the way he wants to, but now all the eighth year students share the same dorm and classes, and there's nowhere to escape. Worse, Potter's actually the one teaching their Defense Against the Dark Arts class, and he's obsessed with getting Malfoy to cast a Patronus. Pansy's hung up on making friends, so now Granger and Weasley won't leave him alone. And somehow, Potter's roped him into helping with the first-year's lessons.

He was expecting eighth year to be unbearable. Just not in this particular way.

Control - laugh_a_latte (27.1k)

Harry is done with suffering, preferring to move forward after the war. So, when he discovers Draco Malfoy is still suffering, fighting an invisible war of his own, can anyone blame Harry if he wants to help?

TW: Eating Disorders

To Hurt and Heal - cassisluna (21.6k)

Trust in Hope - Omi_Ohmy (19.9k)

It's Eighth year, and Draco is broken, ostracised. One person prefers him the way he was, full of life – Draco just needs to learn to trust in hope.

You Are Not Alone - Juh_Nunes (19.1k)

Draco dreaded going back to Hogwarts after the war. He was sure this would be his worst year yet: the school hated him, the Slytherins have abandoned him, and his dorm was overrun with Gyffindors. There was no way anything good could come out of this mess, right?

We Sleep in Pairs - darkestbliss (17.4k)

We do not blame flowers for their death. But when Draco’s magic dies after the War, he struggles to forgive himself, and it’s going to take far more than striking up a companionship with Harry Potter for him to heal.

TW: Past Rape, Suicide Attempt, Self-Harm

Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) - bryoneybrynn (14.8k)

When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.

Comeback Season - minniepar (13.7k)

Draco's mother had decided for him that, in spite of all that had happened, he should finish his studies. Harry had decided, for himself, that he wanted a year of fun before he joins the aurors.

Fun, Harry thinks, is how he might have once described Draco Malfoy, if a bit insufferable. Now he walks around like a lost puppy, trembling. Harry's determined to crack Draco, even if Ron and Hermione (and everyone else he cares about) dissaprove.

If My Heart Can Take It - HeyYousGuys (12.3k)

A week into 8th year, Draco returns to Hogwarts to finish his education, a mandatory part of this punishment after the war. The only spot left for him in the 8th year dormitory is the bunk underneath Harry's. Already accustomed to hearing the other 8th years screaming from nightmares at night, Harry never thought Draco's screams would be the most gut wrenching of all. When an offer to comfort him turns into a nightly routine of sharing a bed, how much longer will Harry be able to stand it once he realizes just how much he enjoys these moments with Draco?

Slow Hands - eleventy7 (10.2k)

Blood, shadows, and paper hearts. The Shadow hunts students, but Draco Malfoy most of all.

Soaring - tealeaf523 (ConstantComment) (9.1k)

Draco Malfoy is reaching the halfway point of his eighth year of Hogwarts, post-war. Though things are back to normal, Draco feels haunted, suffocated, broken by his past. And he can't be fixed. Can he?

A Light To Call Home - InTheShadows (8.3k)

These past few years have not been kind to Draco. He has been forced to take the Dark Mark, let Death Eaters into the school and attempt to kill Dumbledore - all in the name of survival. But after the Battle, he is able to have a conversation with Potter without the two of them fighting. That has to be a sign that things will get better after this. Right? (Wrong.)

---------------

Most, if not all, of these fanfictions is about Draco dealing with the consequences of the war, so basically, hurt Draco, which really is my cup of tea.

#harry/draco #drarry #harry #harry potter #draco #draco lucius malfoy #fic list #hogwarts 8th year #hurt!draco #idk what im doing #this is my first time doing this #fic rec list #except no one requested for this #i just want a list of fics for me to read when the mood strikes sort of thing #so i guess im requesting this

20 notes · View notes

amaikana · 5 years

Text

Because I Know That You’re Evil Too (a TPN fanfic)

-.-.- Rating: T Pairing: None Characters: Norman & Ray Wordcount: 1.7k+ A/N: Cross posted on AO3. This is practically a character study fic about my headcanon of Norman views Ray in his mind. Shamelessly bringing this back up again cause it’s kind of relevant to my other previous post. Oh, and, title inspired by rachie’s cover song of I’m Glad That You’re Evil Too Summary: "What’s the point of your confrontation then?” “Well, I just want to know how much of a devil my best-friend had turned into.” “Coming out from the person who had let his families die for almost six years? That’s rich.” That’s probably a cruel remark, but Norman was nothing if not prideful. If other people push him down, then he’d drag them down along with him—best-friend or not. [A What-If Scenario] Ray confronting Norman at the Paradise Hideout -.-.-

[ Because I Know That You’re Evil Too ]

Strolling around in the dead of night, Norman made his steps in the dark hallways. The Paradise Shelter in the night had always been dimly lit. It’s to save out the limited energy access they had, mostly. The other reason was to avoid drawing attention from afar, because a sole brightness in the night in the middle of nowhere would surely stand out much.

Though it seems like the dim lighting didn’t falter any wanderer from making their way around the shelter. From behind one of the huge concrete pillars spread out in the building, Norman could sense a dark shadow of a figure looming over.

He sighed.

“I know you’re there.”

His words were plain, yet it spoke loudly about his gutsy tendency. Seemed like his two best-friends had finally rubbing off on him.

“Calling out strangers when you’re alone with defenses open from various directions like that? Seriously? I thought you’re more tactical than that.”

The person the shadow sounded disappointed, though Norman knew it was only mockingly so.

Norman turned around. He smiled. “Well, I knew it was you anyway.”

The other person stepped forward. Moonlight casted onto them, making out the figure’s form clearer. A grace of smirk apparent on their face. Or rather, his.

“Hello, Ray. What are you doing out here? In the middle of this cold night, nonetheless.”

“Oh? What is this, small talks again? Ever the people pleaser, aren’t you? I would’ve thought I could be spared by now, considering that I’m your best-friend and all. At least by some social constructs.”

Norman shook his head, still smiling. Ray always got the wrong idea. He’s just sensitive like that.

“You are my best-friend. I’ve never thought of otherwise.”

Ray didn’t retort, but he’s probably rolling his eyes there. Norman could always read Ray—they could read each other like that. They did think alike after all, even though their value of morals were severely different.

“‘Best-friend’? Really, now? Because I’m sure there’s some sort of code of conduct for friendships somewhere out there that stated something about how best-friends aren’t supposed to keep secrets. Let alone feeding lies into each other.”

Norman hummed. “Hmm, is hypocrisy your new favorite game, now?”

“Perhaps.” Ray shrugged. Then he paused. Looking at Norman carefully, he added, “You’re not denying it.”

“I’m not,” Norman said easily. As easy as admitting who was his first (and still) love back then. Everything always came flowing out easily, if it’s with Ray.

A brief moment of silence graced over them. The only sound was the soft wind of night air blowing.

“So it’s true, then.” Ray’s voice came out quieter than Norman had ever heard. A tint of sadness almost visible in it.

“What do you know so far?” Norman cut, urging out, sensing that Ray was hesitating to elaborate more.

It took a brief moment again for Ray before he answered, “You’re planning on starting a war. Not just a war, you’re planning on a thorough genocide of the demon species. You want to– No. It’s never a ‘want’ isn’t it? With you, it’s always for others’ sake. Ironically.”

Ray averted his eyes bitterly, then he continued, “You’re planning on conducting an all-out massacre of the Heads of the Royal Clans. You’re probably…” Ray hesitated before saying out the next part. “You’re probably currently doing- or even did an experiment for it. Experiment to a demon’s body. To find out the most effective way for killing it, killing them.”

The last part came out shaky, and Norman felt kind of bad for Ray. For being the one who understood him the most. For being the one innocent person who knew. Ah……wait. Innocent? Norman snorted internally. Of course not. This was Ray he’s talking about.

“Because an army of humans,” Ray continued again, “no matter how many, could only lead to so far. It was the foolish mistake that the man who initiated the idea of building this world in the first place didn’t realize, after all,” Ray concluded, finished his speech.

Norman grinned and clasped. Partly in salute, partly in just his twisted sense of humor. But not in awe, no. Not even an ounce. It didn’t surprise him that Ray was capable of knowing this much. Ray was so much more than a walking encyclopedia—a fact that people often forgot. But Norman knew it. Oh, he knew it well. ‘Best-rivals’ was the title for the two of them alongside ‘best-friends’ after all.

“As expected of you,” he acknowledged. “Now, what are you going to do with that information? Are you going to stop me? Support me secretly? Try to sway my mind?” he taunted.

But the Ray before him now wasn’t the Ray he’d last seen from their days in Grace Field. The Ray back then would’ve caved into his taunt in mere seconds. Because the Ray back then admired him greatly, probably thinking that he’s the very embodiment of absolute logic. Norman always found it kind of funny, considering himself never really saw Ray as someone below him.

But the Ray before him now had seen so much more—had experienced so much more. Ray had always based his opinion on his knowledge. And now that he had gain much more knowledge from the outside world, had met various people on his journey, Ray probably didn’t think of him as the sole person he’d looked up to again.

Ah, thinking about it made him felt somehow sad. But of course, he’s glad, to be able to give his best-friend a chance for experiencing those things.

Ray stepped forward, his face unreadable. But that didn’t matter. Ray’s expressions were always hard to read, anyway. His emotions instead came visible from his words and action.

“Try to sway you?” Ray snorted. “Is that supposed to be a joke? It should be common knowledge by now that you’re as stubborn as a mule once you’ve set your mind on something.”

Norman raised his eyebrow. “Really? Well, not that I really expected for you to go against me.” Because some hints of the fondness and admiration were still there. “But what is the point of your confrontation, then?”

Ray stared at him and blinked passively, then said the next words in a tone just as passive, “Nothing.”

Ray’s stare bore so deep into him that it felt as if it was tangible.

“Nothing, really. I just wanted to know just how much of a devil my best-friend had turned into,” Ray said, half shrugging.

“Coming out from the person who had let his families die for almost six years? That’s rich.”

And that’s probably a cruel remark, but Norman was nothing if not prideful. If other people push him down, then he’d drag them down along with him—best-friend or not.

A ghost of a smile painted on Ray’s face. He seemingly found the comment more humorous rather than bitter. “That’d make the devil to be two of us, eh?”

“Well, I guess so.”

In Norman’s own opinion, he was much more of a devil than Ray who had only ever been more of a passive bystander than an evil mastermind. But he knew Ray would argue to death with him on it, so he wisely chose not say anything.

Suddenly, a fleeting question crossed through his mind. He was almost certain with the answer, but it tickled the tip of his tongue so much that he finally caved in and blurted it out.

“Are you going to tell Emma?”

Ray smirked. “What? Worried that you’ll be casted out by your dream girl?”

Partly yes, honestly. He’d like to dream a scenario where Emma would eventually agree that his plan was the best path to take—certainly the safest one, the one with biggest possibility of success. But he also knew that Emma’s value of moral was part of herself as a whole. It’s something that practically define her. Something that she based her logic and actions of. It’s something of her that no one could ever change—not that Norman ever wanted to, it’s that particular part of her that had made he fell in love in the first place, after all.

Norman shook his head. “Emma would know the best for herself.”

‘And that best choice probably wouldn’t be me’ went unsaid. He wasn’t ready for admitting it yet, not even to himself. Because sometimes, on some days, being together with Emma seemed like more than just a pipe dream. But he knew better than to cling onto some selfish childish hope when reality clearly says otherwise. Their paths were way too different at this point.

Ray snorted. “What a shame. I was rooting for you two too.”

Norman averted his eyes and smiled solemnly, “You’re rooting for the wrong team, then.”

Just as he said that, he felt a fist bumped his shoulder. He looked up. Ray’s face closer and clearer this time, but his expression still as unreadable.

“Just know you can come cry to me later when everything crumbled to dust.”

‘When’ not ‘if.’ Norman raised his eyebrow questioningly.

“I agree with your plan, to be honest. But I’ll stand by Emma with this. Either your whole plan or the love of your life—let’s see which would inevitably crumble down. Not that I promise I won’t throw out a punch or two. But just so you know, I’ll be all ears.”

Ah. So that’s his real reason.

He chuckled. “Should’ve known you’re a sappy dramatic type.”

Ray clacked his tongue in awkward embarrassment. “Shut up.”

When Ray moved forward to leave, Norman caught him, halted him. Giving Ray a brief one-armed hug, he said quietly, “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

Ray brushed his hand away. “You can thank me later.”

‘Later’ probably was just another pipe dream at this point. Stifling a cough burning in his throat and clutching on his pained chest unconsciously, Norman decided spare Ray of this one little detail. At least for now. Feeding off yet another lie.

Glancing out at the retreating form of his best-friend sparingly, Norman thought to himself, ‘It’s alright. He’ll understand eventually.’

Hopefully so. They both shared almost the same role in this play, after all.

#the promised neverland #yakusoku no neverland #tpn norman #tpn ray #tpn fic #tpn character study #fanfiction

7 notes · View notes

velvetchen · 5 years

Text

Bound | pt. i

[ back to masterlist ]

genre: angst, some fluff - arranged marriage au, enemies to lovers au member: sehun word count: 6k warnings: angst i guess?

summary: How do you know which things are better left unsaid?

a/n: okay i KNOW i said writing hiatus but this has been sitting in my drafts for a while and i have no idea if this fic will go anywhere since i didn’t plan anything but..here you go!

next part >>

The night Kyungsoo tells you ‘maybe we should take a break’ for the third time this month, you know it’s over. He’s nice about it, of course. He’s always nice. But you know that your relationship isn’t going anywhere, and have known it for the month and a half you’ve been officially dating. Which is why he doesn’t complain when you start to cry right there in the park where he asked you for a walk. He wraps his jacket around you, resting his hand over your shoulder as you sniffle, embarrassed, and rummage in your bag for tissues.

“It’s okay,” he says, and if Kyungsoo says it’s okay, it is. You both part ways right there on the bridge, in a moment that for any other couple would be romantic, picturesque - with the full moon glimmering over the lake below, and the soft glow of streetlamps seeping through the trees above. You know that once you leave, you won’t have any reason to see each other again.

Perhaps that’s just the way it should be.

You would have been okay with that, would have gone home feeling not as heavy as you should have had it not started raining on the walk home. Seven blocks separate you from the comfort of your apartment when the first drops hit your head. You barely take a few more steps before it’s a full-out downpour, and you’re completely soaked through. Your hair hangs limply around your face, your clothes quickly plaster to your skin, and the chill of the night invades.

The tears come back. You clasp your arms tightly around yourself as you trudge back home, the rain showing no signs of letting up. When you finally struggle into the lobby of your apartment building, you leave a sodden trail towards the stairs.

When you manage to drag yourself into your apartment, it’s dark and quiet. It isn’t too late, but Minji had gone out earlier, so you suppose you’re alone for now. All the better - you want to be alone right now, want to have the privilege of drowning in your misery before reality hits you again. But first, you’re cold and wet and your face is sticky from tears and rain. You shut yourself into the bathroom, the silence feeling heavy as you sit down under the stream of hot water in the shower.

You come out twenty long minutes later, swathed in your blanket, and wearing your softest pajamas. Your ‘breakup pajamas’, you call them.

You’re surprised to find Minji there, sitting cross-legged on the sofa, her laptop propped up in front of her. There are extra pillows next to her, and snacks on the table. “I made you some ramen, too,” she calls when you’re halfway down. “It’s on the table.”

A small smile slips onto your face. Somehow, she knows when you need someone to sit beside you in silence as you eat ice cream and watch Netflix, when you’re still smarting from a broken heart.

Kyungsoo is your thirteenth breakup, and the one that hurts the most. Which is why Minji seems to be extra understanding. She sits in silence as you curl up on the couch next to her with the cup of ramen, which is perfect, just the way you like it, as you try to follow the movie she’s watching. You eat in silence, taking longer than usual to finish, and when you’re done you put the cup away and lean back on the couch.

Minji mutes the movie. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asks carefully.

You usually don’t, but this one time… “Okay,” you say.

She shifts slightly so she’s facing you. You take a deep breath, unsure where to start. “I…think you can guess what happened. He broke up with me. I mean, not explicitly at first, but I knew. We don’t work together, and as much as I care for him, we just realized it wasn’t…going anywhere.”

You and Kyungsoo had chemistry. Off-the-charts chemistry, Bora had said. You first met him at a career fair, and you spent the whole hour staring at him, and he spent the whole hour staring back at you. At one point you couldn’t take it anymore and you walked up to him and introduced yourself. He took you home and gave you (arguably) the best night of your life. You hooked up three times before he asked you to properly date him, one night as he was spooning you, his velvety voice in the shell of your ear.

You had chemistry, but you didn’t make sense together. You both wanted different things. He never said so - he was too nice - but you could tell that he was unsure about your dating history. You knew he wanted something permanent, something steady and smoldering instead of a spark that flared and fizzled out. Which was all you had.

Surprisingly, even as you tell Minji this, you don’t cry. You don’t feel hollow or worn out. “I hope he finds someone who’s right for him,” you murmur. “He deserves it.”

“You really care for him,” Minji observes.

“I do,” you say. “But enough about that. It’s over. Done. I have to move on, right?” You laugh, a hint of irony seeping in.

Minji gives you a sympathetic smile, and leans onto your shoulder, patting your arm comfortingly. Then, something strikes and she springs up to look at you, a hint of something sparkling in her eye. You know that look - it’s her ‘I’m your best friend and you’re going to do what I say’ look. You pull away, wary. “What?”

“I read about this thing,” she says, trying very hard not to smile. “It’s like an experiment or something like that. A study? Anyway, I think it would be perfect for you.”

“What is it?” You’re almost scared to hear what this newest idea is.

“It’s an experiment on love,” she grins. “You sign up, and they pair you up with someone for six months based on how compatible you are. And you have to stay with them for those six months, live in the same house and do normal relationship things, but the catch? You don’t get to know who your partner is until the wedding.”

“Sounds…” you start, then backtrack. “Wait, what? Did you say wedding?”

“Yes, a wedding! And then you go on a honeymoon and stuff, and after the six months you can choose to stay married, if, you know, they end up being your true love, or you can get a completely legal divorce.” She winks. “Their last study had an eighty percent success rate. And the honeymoon is all expenses paid.”

“Honeymoon?” You repeat dumbly. “Minji, I don’t - I don’t want to get married. I just want a romance. To, like, enjoy life.” Never mind the growing doubt in your head now, after this, that maybe you’re just not cut out for that. That love isn’t for you - that maybe, you don’t believe in it anymore. Maybe you should stop trying.

“It’s like a trial!” she argues. “Besides, what if you actually end up finding the love of your life? It’s worth it!” She gives you a meaningful look, and your mind flicks over all the failed relationships you’ve had over the past few years. And you brush over your most recent wound: Kyungsoo.

“What if I don’t, though?” You mutter, turning away and tucking your knees up into your chest as you chew at your bottom lip. “What if it doesn’t work out, again, and I’m stuck with them for six months?”

Minji pats your knee. “Have some faith, Y/N. If you keep worrying about things not working out, then you never really have the chance to let go and just…enjoy the moment.”

You don’t know what to say to that, except that she’s right. To some extent. Maybe you are too caught up in the fact that things don’t work out for you, and that’s why they don’t.

“So?” she nudges you. “What do you say? Will you do it?”

“I don’t know,” you answer honestly.

“I just want you to be happy, Y/N,” she groans. “Like, really. I’m trying my best here.”

“I know,” you crack a smile. “Okay, maybe I’ll check it out. For your sake only.”

She flings her arms around your neck. “Thank you! Thank you thank you. You’ll sign up, you’ll find the perfect partner, and I’ll say I told you so.”

“Of course you will. I wouldn’t expect anything else.”

Minji heads back home later - Baekhyun comes over to pick her up, and even as you wave goodbye to them you’re hit with the solid pang of jealousy in your gut as you watch him kiss her temple and help her into the car, both of them giggling at something he’d said.

That pang is what makes you whirl around and head to your computer. Your fingers hover over the keys for just a moment before you type in the words: Project Cupid.

Their website is sleek and businesslike, not the pink-and-red extravaganza more fitting for Valentine’s Day that you were expecting. Everything seems legitimate, and you even have to admit their description is attractive:

At Project Cupid we endeavor to study the true constituents of love. What makes it bloom? What makes it tick? And what keeps it going? This is why we ask you for help. We ask you to put your trust (and your heart) in our hands as we pair you with someone who is at least eighty percent compatible with you in all aspects - emotionally, physically, even astrologically.

Though this is an experiment for us, for you we hope it will be so much more. A chance for you to find what everyone seeks and what hundreds of stories and folk tales have exalted for centuries: true love.

You scan the site, heart thudding unnecessarily fast as you navigate to the ‘apply now’ page. Should you do this? Is it worth the risk of another heartbreak, perhaps worse, just for the chance at true love?

The questions are intimate. Really intimate. There are things you’ve never even thought of by yourself, much less came close to thinking about in the context of relationships. You never lasted long enough with anyone to really think about these things - well, except for one person. Is family important to you? Do you value honesty or loyalty? What do you look for in a partner above all else? And questions that you wouldn’t expect to have anything to do with a matchmaking service. What emotions does the color blue evoke for you? Where did your parents go to school? Questions that make you blush fiercely, even as you answer them as truthfully as you can. Do you enjoy being sexually active? What kinds of activities excite you during intimate moments with your partner?

When you come to the last section, though, the part where you have to read through the legal terms and book an interview with someone who’ll complete your profile and have you sign papers - you hesitate. It’s taken you three hours to spill everything about yourself into an online form that’ll be sent to people you don’t know, for them to review and pair you with someone whom you don’t know. You’ve laid yourself bare here. Somewhere, the person you’ll be paired with has filled out the same form too.

The thought hits you full force. This is real. If you click submit, then you’ll be matched with someone. A real person. Who’ll be given the power to make you fall in love with them, to break your heart.

You can’t do it. You can’t go through with it. Minji will understand, won’t she?

If you save your profile now, you can come back to edit it at a later date. You click save and turn off your computer, the dark of your room closing around you.

Junmyeon is wonderful. The kind of boyfriend that everyone dreams about coming home to, settling into a comfortable life with. He’s that kind of person for you, too. Bora is your mutual friend, and when she says a childhood friend of hers recently contacted her and she’d like you to come with her to meet him, you’re not expecting a set-up. You should have, though. Bora knows it’s been over a month since you and Kyungsoo broke up, and you’ve been on two dates since then, neither of which led anywhere. Dates number fourteen and fifteen were both startlingly similar to Kyungsoo in hindsight, but you hadn’t had any of the same chemistry.

It’s been two weeks since you’ve gone out now. Junmyeon is a refreshing change. In some ways he’s very much like Kyungsoo, too, ways that you can’t help but notice - he’s dependable, hardworking, sweet, considerate, nice to a fault. But he’s different, too, and you find yourself liking that. He’s soft where Kyungsoo was rough, he’s steadfast where Kyungsoo yielded.

On your third date, you stop comparing him to Kyungsoo. On your fifth, you confess to Minji that you think you might be in love, with the operating word being ‘think’. There’s still that dark cloud lingering in the back of your mind. After so many failed relationships, failed opportunities, there’s nothing that guarantees this won’t be a failure, too. The words sink down in your gut every time you consider it - you just aren’t made for love.

Still, Junmyeon is a comfortable presence in your life, and you don’t hate yourself enough to push him away. Not now. You don’t stop to wonder if you’re taking things too fast. He’s nearly four years older than you, but you don’t mind, and he doesn’t either. You spend nearly every night at his apartment instead of yours. You let him take you shopping. You wake up next to him in the mornings, tracing the lines of his lips and nose in the early sunlight as he pulls you closer in his sleep; blush as he kisses the palm of your hand and says, voice husky from sleep, “Good morning, beautiful.”

It feels like a honeymoon. This is it, you think. He’s the one. Everything is perfect, just the way you always wanted, and you’re finally thinking things might settle down for you. You’ve had fifteen bad endings. You don’t need a sixteenth. You’ve found your happy ever after, and the part of your mind that is whispering to you that this delusion will eventually shatter is pushed down into a box that you quietly pack away and hope you never have to open again.

Junmyeon leaves for a business trip the next weekend, and you come back home. It feels strange - home is with Junmyeon now, with the steady kind of rhythm you both had built over the last month and a half - he never explicitly asked you to move in, it just happened, and neither of you are complaining. Home is waking up to him, eating dinner together when he takes a break from work to spend time with you, and curling up in his lap and talking as he runs your fingers through your hair before bed.

This is new for you. You’ve never had anything this comfortable, this constant. Junmyeon is everything you could have wanted and more, which is why you can’t escape the feeling that this is too good to be true.

You pluck up the courage to talk to him about the future one day. You figure that it’s better to ask him about his plans now than after you’re completely headfirst in love with him, too deep to swim out. There’s only one way you can think of to calm your nerves - the moment you’ve both washed your dishes from dinner, you corner him against the fridge and box him in.

A mischievous look slips onto his face. “Already, Y/N? You couldn’t wait until we went to bed?”

“No,” you admit, placing an open-mouthed kiss on the side of his neck, coming down to suck at the curve between his throat and shoulder. He shivers, his reactions always satisfying. “I couldn’t.” You pull away abruptly and grab him by the hand, leading him inside.

In the space after you’ve both finished, laying panting on the sheets as the cool air brushes across your skin, you ask him. He’s turned off the bedside lamp, and you’re comfortably curled up into his chest. His hand is curved over your bare back, and he strokes it up and down as he watches you speak.

“Junmyeon,” you begin, “do you want…a family someday?” It’s too dark to see his reaction, but you’re already feeling like you’ve crossed a line, so you quickly backtrack. “I mean, not necessarily with me, I know we’ve only been together a few months, but would you ever…have you considered it?”

He chuckles. “Of course I’ve thought about it. And I’ve thought about a family…with you, too. It’s been long enough that the thought has crossed my mind.” You wait expectantly. “And?”

“Yes, I do,” he says, somewhat wistfully. “Someday. I gave it plenty of thought, and I want to focus on my career for now. I’m still on my way up, and I want to come to a stable place before I make any outside commitments. Besides, you know how busy things get these days.” You can hear the frown in his voice - you know he hates that.

You hum sympathetically. “I wish you didn’t have to spend so much time working,” you murmur into his skin. “But yeah, I understand. And I know you’ll be successful.”

“You’re always so flattering,” he chuckles, and rolls onto his back, pulling you up with him so you can pillow your head on the broad expanse of his chest.

“Because I’m proud of you,” you say. “What about…us, though?”

“Hmm,” he says. “I like how we are right now. We didn’t plan anything out. I like that. I think we should just see how it goes like this.”

You smile, but the fact that that isn’t a promise sits heavy in your stomach. The box in the attic of your head starts to peel open again.

Junmyeon breaks up with you over a phone call. In a way.

Maybe you’re exaggerating. It’s not a breakup - more like a mutual agreement of termination. Junmyeon is too tidy, too sophisticated, for a breakup. Like signing a contract, snapping a stick, but nowhere near as clean. He leaves you with ragged edges and even less hope than you had before you started dating him.

He gets the offer on your three-month anniversary, during your obligatory fancy dinner, and excuses himself to take the call. When he comes back, he’s elated - it shows on his face. You’ve never seen him this happy.

You lean forward, over the table, bursting with curiosity. “What is it?”

“I got a promotion,” he says, and grins ear to ear, his eyes turning into shining half-moons. “To regional director. They want me to take over managing the whole branch.”

You gasp, reaching for his hand. “Junmyeon, that’s incredible. I’m..I’m so proud of you.”

His smile grows broader, if that’s even possible. “I’m honored to hear you to say that about me.” And then his face falls. “But I didn’t mention…the position is for their Tokyo office. I’ll have to move.”

Your heart sinks like an anchor, but you try your hardest to keep the dejection off your face. “That’s okay. I know you’ll be perfectly fine.”

“What about us? I can’t ask you to move with me,” he says, and you hate so much to see that his excitement over the offer is dampened by this. By you. You’ve always known this - that his career comes first - but it hurts just the same, it really does.

“I can’t go,” you agree softly. You can’t leave your education for him. Tokyo is a whole sea away - even visiting now and then is out of the question. “It’s fine. We’ll figure out the…the long distance thing.”

He stares at you long and hard. You can feel his conflict, almost see the wheels turning in his head. He’s trying, you know, trying to find a way. Then he shakes his head. He can’t meet your eyes now; he thumbs the skin on your wrist as his voice lowers. “I don’t know if we can. The time difference…and I’ll be busy a lot. My workload will be even worse than it is now.”

You swallow.

“I can’t do that to you,” he murmurs. “It would be selfish of me to keep you when I know I won’t be able to give you what you deserve.”

You want to offer to try it out for a while, but close your mouth before the words slip out. You know how busy Junmyeon is. He makes time for you now, sure, and you know at what cost he does. You can’t put the extra stress on him of having to find ways to spend time with you while he’s in another country, in a different time zone, with a workload so tough he’ll barely have time for himself.

Nodding quietly, you squeeze his hand. “When do you leave?”

Minji finds you crying over an empty carton of ice cream after you come back from the airport and text her to come over. You’re sure you look pathetic, laid out on the floor, your hair a mess, tears staining your cheeks and your pillow, but you don’t care. Alarmed, she turns on the light and you groan, raising your arm to cover your eyes. “Minji,” you drag out her name. “Turn it off. I’m sensitive.”

She doesn’t. She rolls his eyes as he squats down beside you, plucking the empty carton from your hand and heading over to throw it away. “Stop wallowing in your despair.”

“Just one day,” you plead. “I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

“If by ‘fine’ you mean chasing after the next person who’ll break your heart…”

It might just be because you’re still smarting from Junmyeon leaving, but that cuts a little too deep. “It’s not like I actively seek out people for that purpose.”

“I gave you a solution! You chose not to listen to me!”

“Yes, because I had Junmyeon-”

“And now you don’t! Why are you so scared to take risks, Y/N?”

You groan and bury your head in your pillow. “Because I’ve taken so many, and all of them end up with me like this! I’m…Just let me be sad for today, okay?”

“That’s what you say every time,” she comments, but her hand rubs comfortingly over your back.

You must fall asleep, because you wake up in the dead of night with a sticky note stuck to your forehead. Grumbling, you pull it off.

I had to leave 4 a night out with B but I made you some dinner!! Love, ur BEST FRIEND

P.S. don’t be an idiot!!! You know what im talking about!!

Minji has indeed left you dinner on the stove, and she’s also surreptitiously left your laptop on the counter with your Project Cupid website open. Another sticky note is stuck to the screen: DO IT!!!

You let out a long sigh, ignoring the laptop for a moment as you go over to pull a bowl from the cabinet. She’s right; you are unwilling to take risks, but isn’t that what you’ve been doing this whole time? Trying again and again, taking the risk of someone breaking your heart and then dealing with it anyway. How is this any different? You drag a chair over to the counter and sit down, glaring at the logo on the screen as you mull it over.

You can’t say it won’t hurt, because it probably will. The chance of you, with your current track record, finding your dream partner from a random matchmaking service - no, an experiment - and having everything sail smooth from day one is realistically zero. The chance of you finding someone who will truly love you, someone whom you can spend your life - or at least a good chunk of it - with, considering your track record, is realistically zero.

How is this different from you dating sixteen people in the fruitless hope that you’ll find the one?

Then it strikes you, like a blow to the chest, that the reason you don’t want to go through with this is because you believe it might actually work. At that, your brain starts reeling. Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what you’ve been waiting for?

You stand up, leaving the Project Cupid page open to the submit button and pacing around the kitchen. “I can’t do this sober,” you mutter to yourself, and head over to your wine cupboard. With your head fuzzy, the conundrum you’re facing doesn’t seem so hard.

Three glasses later, you almost can’t think straight. “Fuck it,” you say, and press submit.

The email confirmation greets you the next morning, when you wake up with your head pounding and the light from your phone screen threatens to make your skull explode. But you’ve done it. You’ve done it, and you feel like an utter idiot now that the implications have set in, but it’s too late to take it back.

Dear Y/N,

Thank you for your application to Project Cupid! We take our applicants very seriously. A committee of dedicated reviewers will go over your application, evaluate it with very specific, expert-verified criteria, and eventually pair you with someone who we think best matches you in every aspect. To follow up on your application, we’d like you to meet up with an interviewer - attached is the contact information for the interviewer in your area. Please discuss a time and location that works for you so we can go ahead with the matching process.

Here’s to true love, The Project Cupid Team

Your interview is a week and a half later, at a coffee shop that you frequent often. Minji can’t hold in her excitement as she offers to drive you there on her way to Baekhyun’s - you’re trapped in the passenger seat with mortification still bubbling up in your chest.

“I’m so proud of you, Y/N,” Minji says, and the look on her face is so sappy that you can’t help but smack her arm lightly.

“This was a complete mistake. I did this in a moment of weakness,” you mumble, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. It’s just the interviewer you’re meeting - not even your future partner - but you’ve taken the same care in dressing up that you would for an actual date, even going so far as to curl your hair and put on more than just mascara.

“It’s not a mistake, trust me,” Minji insists. “This will all be worth it, I promise.”

“Well, I’m holding you to that,” you tease. You take a deep breath as you rearrange the strap of your handbag, and Minji brings the car to a stop a block away from the Brim, the coffee shop you’re supposed to meet at.

“I believe in you!” Minji grins, and you blow her a kiss as you step out and head inside.

The Brim is mostly empty - just your luck. The few patrons that are here are hunched over laptops or their phones, and Minseok, the barista you’ve become familiar with, isn’t behind the counter today. Your interviewer isn’t here, either. I’m wearing a bright pink shirt and heels, she’d laughed over the phone conversation you had this morning. There’s no way you can miss me.

You pay for your coffee and then settle for the most secluded spot available - a little booth tucked away by the window that is partially hidden from view by a large statement art wall. You’ve only been scrolling through your phone for a few minutes before you hear a familiar voice. You look up and bright pink fills your vision. “Hi, Y/N,” Tiffany beams, and slides into the seat opposite you without any further preamble. “Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s alright,” you say, voice catching, and you clear your throat as subtly as possible.

“So, let’s get right to business,” she says, and pulls out a file from her bag. “This is your application, and I’m going to ask you to talk a little more about some of it before we get on to the official interview questions, okay?”

“Sure.” Your face heats up a little when you think about some of the stuff you had to write on the application. “I can choose not to answer a question if I want, right?”

She shakes her head vigorously. “Of course you can. You have no obligation to tell us anything you aren’t comfortable talking about.”

“Right,” you say. “What’s first?”

“How’d it go?” You can hear Minji practically bouncing over the phone. Baekhyun’s laugh is audible behind her.

“It went pretty well,” you admit. Tiffany was nice, and like she promised, she didn’t pry. She’d listened to you carefully, taking notes occasionally in neat black ink, and interrupted here and there with anecdotes that lightened the mood. “I feel considerably better about this whole mess now.”

“Did they say when you’ll be paired?”

“A month from now,” you frown. “And the weddings-” you choke a little on the word “-a couple of weeks after that. I’m not going to go on any dates while I wait. I’ll just enjoy my alone time while I can.”

Minji laughs. “Guess what this means, Y/N.”

“What?”

“It means I totally win our bet from second year of university about you getting married before me.”

You whine. “This doesn’t count! It’s not an actual wedding.”

“Yeah, but if - when - this works out and you decide to live happily ever after with whomever they pair you up with…” she trails off. “In any case, you owe me…crap. I don’t even remember what the stakes were.”

“Neither do I,” you confess, laughing. “But if - when - this works out, I’ll definitely take you out for dinner, on me.”

Minji’s voice softens. “I’m happy to see you finally having some hope again, Y/N.”

“Yeah, well,” you shrug, even though she can’t see you. “Better hoping than dreading, I guess.”

Dear Y/N,

Congratulations!

After considerable thought and thorough deliberation, you’ve been matched! We sincerely hope that our efforts are not in vain, and that this opportunity gives you love and a fulfilling relationship. Your partner is a perfect match in almost every aspect - our experts estimate that your compatibility lies between 80 and 90 percent, one of the highest rates in this round of Project Cupid!

According to the conditions of our experiment, we cannot disclose any details about your partner to you before the fixed date of your ceremony, which will be negotiated with both of you in the coming weeks. At the ceremony, you will get to meet them for the first time: an exciting, magical moment that we hope you’re looking forward to as much as we are!

Here’s to true love, The Project Cupid Team

“I’m calling to invite you to my wedding,” you laugh over the phone.

“Has it been decided?” Again, Minji can’t contain her excitement. “I’m going to be right there next to you. Honestly, I’m tearing up just thinking about it. My best friend is getting married. Wow.”

“Minji,” you pout, but then you’re smiling, her mood contagious. “Anyway, it’s not a proper wedding, they said. It’s just a contract that we sign that binds us together, but we’re not given ‘married’ status on any legal terms. The actual wedding is…we can have one after the experiment period is over, if we decide to stay together.”

“I’m coming anyway,” Minji says, “and so is Baekhyun, and I am taking you shopping this weekend because you have to make a good impression on your future life partner.”

“He’s going to live with me for six months and see me in old t-shirts and my rat-nest hair anyway,” you say, and speaking the words out loud really hits you like a stone. You’re going to live with a complete stranger - never mind the 80 percent compatibility - for six months. You’re going to try to fall in love with them. They’re going to try and fall in love with you. The next breath you take catches a little in your chest.

“You okay?” Minji asks, concern evident.

“I’m good, I’m good,” you say. “Anyway, shopping this weekend?”

“Or else!”

The Project Cupid office is sleek and futuristic, with glass and steel everything and a stunning view over the expanse of the city. The woman at the front desk leads you to a waiting room, which is far more extravagant than you ever expected, and a few moments later someone comes in with glasses of champagne for you, Minji, and Baekhyun.

You can’t sit still, and your stomach is in no condition to process alcohol, so you hand your glass to Baekhyun, who takes it gladly. “I don’t know, but I’d never pass up free stuff, especially when it’s champagne this expensive.”

“I don’t really want it,” you say in a small voice, staring at the flecks of gold leaf on the pastries they’ve left in the table in the middle of the room. Minji rubs your back comfortingly. The dress you picked - a classy deep emerald green that falls right above your knees - is suddenly stifling, and all you want is to be out of this office and back home, where you don’t have to worry about getting married - for all intents and purposes - to a complete stranger.

This is it. This is the big day. Minji clasps your hand in hers. “Everything is going to be just fine,” she murmurs, her voice as comforting as ever. “You’ve got this.”

Your stomach is still churning when a knock sounds on the door and Tiffany pushes her head in, a broad smile on her face. “Morning, Y/N! We’re all ready for you, so if you are, we can have you meet your partner.”

“Oh god,” you say, but it comes out as an unintelligible groan. Baekhyun snorts, and Minji kicks him lightly. “I mean, yeah, I’m fine, I’m great. Let’s go.” You stand up, too suddenly, and Minji has to wrap her arm around you to steady you.

Tiffany gives you an encouraging smile, and - this is it. This is what you’ve been waiting this whole time for.

The hallway down to the signing office feels far more constricting than it really is. You have your arms crossed tight over your chest, and you stumble a little in the heels Minji picked out for you. The walk down seems like a million miles, but then it’s over, and you’re at the door of the signing office.

“After you,” Tiffany says, and with a deep breath, you push inside.

You can see the back of his head. His hair is jet black and falls with that perfect mix of casual and perfect around his face. He’s wearing a forest green suit. We’re matching, observes the part of your brain that’s still functioning. He’s sitting in front of the desk, but you can see that he’s tall. Pretty tall. Fit. Well-groomed.

You feel like you might fall over, and then the woman behind the desk, facing you, looks up at you with a smile. “You’re here,” she says, and the man - your partner - turns around.

And you think you might be sick, because you know him. His face is achingly familiar, every slope and angle of it engraved in your mind. The tilt of his brows, the shape of his lips. The ghost of what he looks like when he smiles.

He stands up. He is very tall, and his face shadows when he looks at you - recognition flashing for a moment in his eyes. Yet he doesn’t say anything. The woman gives you an encouraging nod, and he holds out his hand for you to shake. “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m your partner, Oh Sehun.”

“Likewise,” you choke out. “Y/N Y/L/N.” His voice is as smooth, as warm as you remember it, before -

“You look wonderful together,” Tiffany beams, and you feel like you’re about to collapse any moment now. Deep breaths, you tell yourself, as she guides you over to sit in front of the desk. Next to him. Next to Oh Sehun. The man who promised you, almost ten years ago, that you would never meet again.

Your hands are shaking when you sign the contract. You don’t know what you’re doing - your brain is on autopilot. It’s only when you step out of the room ten nerve-wracking minutes later that you remember you had the right to refuse the contract. That you had one last chance to withdraw from the program, no hard feelings intended, but by now it’s too late.

The minute you burst back into the waiting room, Minji takes in the look of utter panic on your face and hurries toward you. “What’s wrong? Y/N, what happened?”

You fall into her. “Minji, it’s him,” you sob, the flood of memories hitting you again, all at once. “It’s him. My partner is Oh Sehun.”

442 notes · View notes

sitp-recs · 6 months

Note

halloo!! Do you have any 8th/7th year fics in Draco's Perspective?

Hi there, anon! Sure do, here are some of my favourites. Happy readings :)

All Tied Up by MyNameIsThunder (M, 6k)

Blaise is determined to find out why the entrance to the Slytherin common room is acting up all of a sudden. Draco is determined to keep it a secret.

A Pain of Our Choosing by @lqtraintracks (E, 6k)

It’s 8th year and everyone’s still a bit messed up. Harry and Draco fall into being messed up together.

Aletheia by @lazywonderlvnd (E, 8k)

Draco finds out Daphne's been shagging Potter and it turns out it's really not that difficult to get a piece of her hair.

Slow Hands by eleventy7 (T, 10k)

Blood, shadows, and paper hearts. The Shadow hunts students, but Draco Malfoy most of all.

warmest part of the winter (orphaned, T, 11k)

It’s not even a balcony, it’s just a window with a bit of a ledge, and Draco’s read Shakespeare anyway, he knows how this one ends.

Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) by bryoneybrynn (T, 15k)

When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.

Scenes of Surrender by Rasborealis (E, 16k)

Draco just wants to keep his head down and finish his last year at Hogwarts. He's not supposed to let his mask slip, and Harry isn't supposed to care.

On Our Way by dynamic (E, 30k)

Draco is trying to spend the summer keeping his head down, but a repair project and a certain snowy owl have other plans for him.

Eager for the Sky by @oknowkiss (M, 35k)

It was announced, just as the Triwizard Tournament had been, at the start of term feast. A year-long, international Quidditch varsity match — the inaugural Wizarding Academy Cup.

Draco Malfoy, It's Your Lucky Day by Faith Wood (E, 37k)

Even though he's unarmed, injured, lost in the Forbidden Forest, and facing a possible murder charge, Draco Malfoy gets lucky.

The Romantic Prawn Who Loved Christmas by @bixgirl1 (E, 39k)

When Draco, forced into sharing a room with Potter for the year, finds out that Potter has a sleepwalking problem, he expects the odd conversations and the weird games of chess. What comes as a complete shock are Potter's other activities...And why he seems so intent on having Draco join him.

Far From The Tree by aideomai (E, 112k)

The arrival of Harry Potter’s children—snapped back in time, the children themselves guessed, twenty or so years—was the most interesting thing to happen at Hogwarts for years.

#asks #anon #Drarry reclist #8th year fics #draco pov

100 notes · View notes

pjstafford · 5 years

Text

It's Time

This is both a first time fic and how I thought season 11 should end fic

Its Time

Series

The X-Files

Rating

Rated PG

Word Count

1,497

Read Time

7 minutes

Summary

The phrase "Its Time" is an important one to MSR

Situations can be familiar and strange at the same time. How many Fridays have the two agents sat in their basement office with the clock nearing 5 p.m. and their latest case wrapped up except for the paper-work? They fall into a companionable silence. As the clock nears closer to 5, though, both begin to think about the fact that soon they each will go home alone. In the beginning of their partnerships, these moments were often awkward. In those early days, Friday at 5 came with Mulder looking at Scully with puppy dog eyes of abandonment. Sexual tension of if and when and should we was a fact of their partnership never discussed, but often pondered.

A lot has changed since those days. They, of course, have had sex. In fact they had a child together. They had lived together. They had been passionate, sweet, bored, angry and routine in their love making over the years. They have been neglectful of each other. They were now each other exes. Fate has brought them back together in a work capacity and back to the familiar basement office. The feeling of awkwardness at saying goodbye and going home alone was familiar, but different than before. There are still the things left unsaid between them. The strangeness in the circumstances now was that the sense of inevitability and anticipation was replaced by regrets of past mistakes. It is hard to explain the distinctness of the similar circumstance in different times, but Mulder is an analytical man and struggles to understand the change. He finally concludes that the best tangible proof that it is different than before is that he doesn’t have fish anymore because he doesn’t have anyone who would take care of them if something happened to him. This, he thinks, illustrates the distance between them as being so much greater than before they had ever been a romantic couple.

Scully is finishing the paperwork as she usually does. Mulder remembers a similar time in the days before they had ever been a couple. He can see the younger version of themselves and the office so vividly. It had started with him asking a question…

“What are you doing tonight, Scully?” Mulder throws a last pencil at the office ceiling as Scully begins to gather the work she will take home for the week-end. She likes to leave her area of the office tidy and clean.

“The usual. A long bath, order in some pizza, maybe watch a movie or read a book.”

“Sounds lonely.” Mulder says as if he does not know that this is her routine every Friday or as if they had never talked about how much she values her solitary time. He has never told her before that it sounded lonely and she looks at him now a little surprised and a little hurt.

“Generally, a friend will drop by exactly as the pizza arrives. It never matters what time I order the pizza to arrive- 6 p.m or 10 p.m., but he always manages to arrive just as the pizza comes. He will have a bottle of wine or a six pack of beer and we will watch the movie together.”

“Then what, Scully?” Mulder smiles at her annoyance.

“Mulder?”

“Does he tell you to leave the pizza boxes for the morning? Does he put on some soft music and ask you to dance? Does he tell you how nice you smell and then gently kiss you on the lips?”

“No. Mulder, its not like that.”

“Oh, it is a little more passionate? Does he press you against the wall while he runs his hands over your body? Does he press against you until you are biting that bottom lip? Does he spank you as you turn away and move in the bedroom?”

“No, Mulder. He generally politely picks up the pizza boxes and takes them with him to throw away as he heads home alone to his own apartment and his fish. Then, about an hour after he has left, he will call me to wish me goodnight.”

“Oh, he’s a gentleman?”

“Yes.”

“Always?”

Scully stand and walks over to Mulder’s desk. "Usually. I think he is waiting for me to make the first move and I have always been afraid.”

Scully ‘s blue eyes peers into Mulder’s in a way he finds disconcerting. He looks down somewhat dejected and then looks up quizzically at her next comment.

“Its time, though, Mulder. Tonight it is time.”

“Time for what, Scully?”

Scully bends down. She speaks low. “For my friend to bring his overnight bag and spend the night in my bed.” She bites her lower lip.

Mulder sits immobile knowing exactly what her invitation means. She walks to the door and looks back at him. “It’s time.”

The older Mulder is smiling at the memory and of how easy and simple it was for a while after Scully had decided it was time.

“It’s time, Mulder.” He hears her again in the present and stares blankly at her, but the body language of the older Scully, the woman he has loved and hurt, the woman who had left him, is much different.

“Time?” He asks in a sad and dejected voice.

Scully points to the clock. “It’s time to go home now, Mulder.” Her tone is business like. She is gathering her belongings.

“Oh, it is time, Scully.” Mulder has two different voices. This first sentence he says in his announcer voice which is smooth with consonant sounds crisp and clean. It is the melodious voice which used to make Scully say, during the in between X-files days, he should work recording books on tape. The next sentence he says in his other voice. It is the voice he uses when he is emotional and trying to hide it. It is a growl like, deep voice which seems to vibrate in his chest before forcing itself out of his mouth reluctantly. It is a bourbon voice: a voice which betrays his soul.

“It is time,” he growls now “ not to go home but to come home. It’s time for you to come back to our home, Scully.”

He looks at her with all his emotions plain on his face and waits to see her reaction.

Now it is her turn to remember when she got up the courage to tell him it was time. After years of imagining different scenarios the fact that the moment had occurred simply because she said she was ready was the most beautiful surprise of all. There was no great romantic gestures or impassioned declarations before their first time together; just the simplicity of “It’s time.” She can count the number of times Mulder has made grand declarations of loyalty and love and not use all ten of her fingers. She remembers the last time he did so and how it did not keep her from walking out the door. There will be no grand declarations asking her to return. Instead as he has so many times before he communicates all he needs to say through his eyes.

Is it time, she asks herself. She tries to tell herself that she doesn’t remember why she left, but, of course, it isn’t true. She wanted no more of aliens or the search for the truth. She meant it at the time, but it seems ridiculous now that she has joined him again back at the FBI. She hadn’t really left because of him. She had tried to leave her pain and fear behind: her pain at his abduction, of his absence after William was born, of her anger at herself and Mulder for her giving up her son for adoption, of her terror of someday finding Mulder dead again in the woods. She had tried to run away from it and of the constant reminder he represented, but the pain and fear had followed her. In returning to the X-files, she had rushed back head first into the only world where she could find the truth that might help her understand why she had experienced this pain and terror. Mulder, who she loves, is the one person who understands her pain and her fear. She sees the hunger in his eyes for her and feels her own hunger for him.

She says only simply. “You are right, Mulder. It is time I came back home.”

She finishes gathering her belongings. He rises and gestures for her to walk out first. He follows with his hand at the familiar spot on her lower back. At the door they stop. He looks down at her with a smile. She looks up at him and raises her eyebrow. He turns off the light and shuts the door to the basement office. Monday, they will return to the world of the paranormal, but tonight there is only one truth that matters.

50 notes · View notes

drarryglobesficrecs · 11 months

Text

Angst - Drarry Fic recs

To Live, or Just Exist — That is the Question by Drarrelie(96k)

Living with the Weasleys after the war turns out to be more challenging than Harry could ever imagine. So, when he finally finds some peace and quiet in Andromeda’s cottage, he’s not going to give it up easily. Not even if it means he’s going to have to live under the same roof as that annoying blond git. Now, if only he didn’t have to look so bloody gorgeous it might have been a little easier.

How Shakespeare, a crossword and a sleeping baby can turn enemies into friends, and maybe even friends into lovers.

To Hurt and Heal by cassisluna(21k)

Between Myth and Man by slytherco(16k)

A story about the complexity of choices, repressed desires that come to the surface when we least expect them, and the utter hopelessness of truths built on a foundation of lies.

remember me by hupsoonheng(31k)

On a chilly day in October, Draco kisses Harry goodbye before he goes on yet another dangerous, undercover mission with the Aurors.

And then Harry doesn't come back.

Only Draco believes that Harry isn't dead, and pours himself into finding his husband despite his friends' pleas to move on and grieve properly. What he finds at the end of that work, though, is not at all what he wanted.

Vortex by xanthippe74(20k)

“Don’t worry, my dearest one,” Draco’s mother told him when he confided his worries to her. When he was old enough to feel the pangs of adolescent longing, but still too young to sense the storm gathering around them. “Magic will overcome any distance or obstacles to bring two soulmates together when the time is right. Circumstances will arise that steer them in the right direction; strange coincidences will make their paths cross again and again. Then the most wondrous moment arrives, when you both realize that your soulmate, your perfect match, stands before you, and from that day forward your hearts will be one.”

Ten years after that conversation, the idea of perfectly-matched soulmates feels more like a curse than a blessing to Draco. Who would want a soulmate who was a schoolyard bully, a Death Eater, and a convicted felon? Certainly not Harry Potter. And Draco is determined to take this secret to the grave.

Kissed by Pie (potteresque_ire)(12k)

Draco Malfoy was attacked by a rogue Dementor on the night of his Azkaban release. He self-exiled to Muggle London and opened a late-night chocolate shop called Kissed.

The Soulmark by Kikimay(3k)

After thirty years of marriage, Draco discovers a soulmark on his husband’s shoulder, while he has none. Harry’s soulmate is out there and his marriage might be over.

In What Universe? by waterwings(70k)

Draco accidentally triggers a curse that pulls him into tiny glimpses of different universes. This would all be fine—what does it matter if he semi-regularly flaunts the laws of space and time? Except that in every universe, in every iteration of every possible world, Harry Potter is in love with him.

It goes as well as one might expect.

Before Florence by dysonrules(9k)

Harry is visiting Florence, Italy, when he runs into an unexpected person. They decide to explore the city together and by the end of the night, everything that Harry thought he knew had changed.

Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) by bryoneybrynn(14k)

When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.

Vale Sanare by RurouniHime(23k)

Draco’s world gains a new component just when he thought he’d sorted everything out.

Like Lightning at Your Fingertips by potterwatch(43k)

In Pursuit of Lost Marbles by Theartfulldodger(22k)

Every night after work, Healer Malfoy follows the same routine, beginning with a familiar flight of stairs that leads to the Janus Thickey Ward at St. Mungo's. With an air of professionalism, he introduces himself to Harry, his husband of seven years, when a memory curse makes Harry look at him like a stranger. He tries not to flinch when Harry calls him sir, but he smiles when bits of the old Harry emerge. Eventually, Draco leads Harry to the Pensieve where he shows him pieces of the life they've built together, what Harry will come home to, one day, when this is all over.

Then, Draco waits. He waits, and he hopes.

The Difference Between Dust And Soup (Is You) by gnarf(17k)

When Harry returned for his eighth year at Hogwarts he had high hopes that he'd have a normal and quiet year for once—he had earned it after all!

But when he found Malfoy starving and unconscious in the Astronomy Tower one night, it all started over again. He had to figure out what happened to him.

After Harry started to cook for Malfoy, and while sharing their secret dinner night after night, he couldn't help but wonder if there was a possibility of them becoming more.

A Hag, a Hex, a Tale of Redemption by aibidil(43k)

A fuck-or-die fairytale in which Draco Malfoy lives a despicable and unapologetic life — that is, until he's cursed to die unless he can fall in love with and fuck Harry Potter.

the space between (what you want and what you need) by disapparater(13k)

As a specialist Healer in dark magic, Draco has had his fair share of difficult cases and awkward patients. Still, nothing has prepared him for a curse-paralysed Harry Potter.

28 notes · View notes

bridenore · 5 years

Text

HD Holidays 2010 recs

Here are some of my favorite fics from the 2010 edition of hd holidays. Listed in alphabetical order.

***

As soul from bodies steal by @femmequixotic [40k]

Hope may be found in the oddest of places, even in the bleakness of winter.

Baby, it's cold outside by bryoneybrynn [3k]

It’s a cold Christmas Eve, but Harry has a way of melting all Draco’s defences.

Bitter honey, green night by @faith2wood [14k]

An inn, an Auror, a criminal, a mystery.

Decoy dilemma by @dysonrules [39k]

Auror Potter and Counsellor Malfoy return to Hogwarts in order to protect their children from a man who has vowed revenge. Of course, it's quite a lot more complicated than that.

Five times Draco Malfoy got sacked (and one time he didn't) by @emmagrant01 [18k]

After the Dark Lord was destroyed, Draco Malfoy had to start all over. He had no idea it would be quite so difficult.

The future is unwritten by Rickey [24k]

Harry and Draco are flung forward in time to find that life has moved on without them. As they navigate through the changes, they have to find their own roles in a new world. Will they find that they would be happier together?

On the couch by Frayach [26k]

It’s a Mind Healer’s worse nightmare to lose a patient to suicide, but Mind Healer Nick Nichols can attest to the fact that a murder/suicide is even worse. If only Dr. Freud had come up with a sure cure for love.

Packing the flat by marguerite_26 [6k]

Months after their explosive break-up, Draco insists Harry return to their flat to remove his belongings.

Said and unsaid (or, the value of knowing when to stop talking) by bryoneybrynn [14k]

When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.

Some Kind of Wonderful by taradiane [34k]

Harry is adrift without an anchor after the prophecy that shaped the first eighteen years of his life is fulfilled. Restless and bored, and wanting to stop Hermione from nagging him about wasted opportunities, he decides to spend his time volunteering at a Muggle homeless shelter...then along comes Malfoy, with an anchor of his own that he needs help carrying.

Starts with a strong and persistant desire by hereticalvision [15k]

When Draco Malfoy returns to England after years abroad, a chance meeting with his old rival Harry Potter quickly leads to all-consuming sexual obsession. But when that obsession turns destructive neither of them will survive unscathed.

Contains angry sex, wall sex, bondage, biting, mild D/s implications and includes themes of infidelity and violence.

When hippogriffs and pygmy puffs collide by oldenuf2nb [33k]

Harry Potter bakes cakes, brilliantly. Draco Malfoy inks tattoos, brilliantly. Owls deliver post, including messages from clients, with an occasional lack of brilliance.

***

I hope you enjoy these stories as much as I did!

#my recs #drarry #drarry recs #drarry fest #hd holidays

3 notes · View notes

sagittree · 6 years

Text

|Renascent|- Chapter 2.

Summary: Thrust back into the world she had barely escaped before, will she be able to forgive herself? Will she be able to save broken friendships and restore lost trust? What happens when she falls in love with a man who’s barely able to feel and afraid of the world?

Takes place after the events of Civil War.

/renascent/: adjective- being reborn; springing again into being or vigor.

Pairing: Bucky BarnesxReader (eventual)

Words: 2,116

Warnings: none, I think. rusty writing

A/N: I’d like to thank everyone for reading this fic. It really means the world to me. And thank you so much for the lovely comments you left on the previous part <3

I’m very sorry for my rusty writing, I’m trying to get back to it. Please bear with me. I also apologize for my grammar or any mistakes, English is not my first language. Please feel free to correct me. Thank you so much for reading. It means the world. Lots of love <3

Chapter 1., Chapter 2.

The great paradox of this universe is that the closer we are to death, the most alive we wish to be. When we realize our life is about to end, our mind suddenly fills up with an endless spiral of unsaid words and things we wish we had done but never did. Things we were supposed to do in the near future, but now won’t have the chance to fulfill. The time slows down, the air gets thicker and it’s hard for us to even breathe, let alone move to somehow change the course of events that would ensure our survival. And suddenly, all we’re filled up with is regret. The regret of an unlived life. We don’t realize the value and potential of our existence until our existence is no longer our own. And when the regret becomes too heavy to bear, crushing us down, we try our best to hold on to even the slightest glimpse of us still being alive. And how else to know that we’re still alive than to breathe?

And so Y/N breathed in until there was no room left for oxygen in her lungs, thoughts swirling and calculating all possible outcomes of the situation she found herself in. It was, no doubt, either life or death. But would the person she once called her friend really take her life? Was her life even his to take?

It was hard for her to stand, cold sweat tickling down her back and her knees slightly trembling, for she knew that loyalty was the top priority of her former friend. Even if it meant killing the one you once loved dearly.

„Samuel, what are you doing?“ her voice came out surprisingly even, though barely audible. Her hands went up in surrender just as the lights turned back on. She closed her eyes for a split second and breathed out in relief, for it meant that at least Steve was okay. Now she just had to protect Bucky.

She diverted her sight from the head of the gun into her friend’s eyes, What she saw was a person torn between doing what is right and what he ought to.

„Y/N, you know I don’t want to do this. You were once one of my best friends for god’s sake. But now you’re a fugitive, a threat to the nation. And you’re hiding a killer behind your back. A killer capable of killing us all in a blink of an eye, no doubt wanting to“ he tilted his head to the side, his voice strong and firm.

„You know none of that is true. He’s not like that. He didn’t have a choice. They made him like that, they used and abused him. He’s a victim, and now he’s suffering even more because of it. You of all people should know what that’s like“ she tried to reason, to make him see that he has taken the wrong side, though she wasn’t sure what made him change his mind.

„Really? Then why is he reaching for your gun?“ he pointed the gun in his hand at her thing. Only then did she register Bucky’s hand on her thing, suddenly stopping all movement, her breath hitching in her throat.

„Because you’re trying to kill me,“ she said dryly, the words too heavy on her tongue. Something changed in Sam’s eyes once those words left her mouth, and she wasn’t sure whether it was good or bad.

„You’re both a threat that needs to be eliminated“ Sam stated, his teeth scraping as he clenched his jaw. He was just about to pull the trigger when a force suddenly knocked Y/N forward, sending her to the ground and tackling Sam’s body under her own, a loud gunshot resonating throughout the room.

Too shocked to be able to react in any way, she barely registered Sam reaching for his collar, ripping it apart and taking a tiny device out of it, then proceeding to throw it against the wall, it breaking into tiny pieces.

„I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. Are you okay?“ he pleaded, his arms sneaking around her, bringing her close. He moved their bodies into a sitting position, trying to calm them both down.

„What the hell just happened? You wanted to shoot me you unsalted cracker?!“ she snapped, pushing Sam’s body away from her. She could feel heat spreading through her cheeks as she tried to understand why she suddenly felt so angry, loud ringing resonating in her ears.

„Y/N, for the love of god you know I’d never hurt you. I’m sorry, but I had to do something to avoid suspicion. They have ears everywhere. They’re watching our every step, listening to our every word to ensure our loyalty. I had to say all those things, even if they’re not true. I mean, I don’t really know what to think, man. You did run away, leaving nothing behind. And as far as I know you, you really are a threat to the nation with your clumsy ass and brilliant brain. But there’s no doubt they’ll be coming here shortly because I just threw their little eavesdropping device against the wall. Buckster, how ya doin’?“ Sam said, rubbing his forehead while pulling Y/N’s body up to stand.

Bucky’s only answer was a soft grunt. Y/N was glad to hear her friend's cheerful voice again, a gigantic weight lifting off her chest. A soft chuckle left her lips as she hugged him tightly.

„Yeah, you know why I left, but I’ll explain everything later. He’s not well, I need to tend to his wounds, we don’t have much time and you’re a distraction. Where is Steve?“ she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, turning back to Bucky just in time to stop him from falling forward off the bed.

„You’re okay, you’re alright,“ she said more to herself than to him, trying to steady him by his shoulders, Sam’s hands immediately helping her.

„There’s a steve? Didn’t hear of such thing. And what the hell is wrong with this dude, isn’t he supposed to be healing like, super fast?“ Sam said teasingly, pretending to rub his hands against his pants as if he had just touched the dirtiest thing in the world.

„He is. That’s the problem and I don’t know what’s wrong with him. We need to figure it out“ Y/N said, worry lacing her voice as she reached for a gel and began spreading it on white pieces that would later stick to Bucky’s chest and temples.

„Well Tony blew off his arm, pretty obvious, though, you can’t be that oblivious“ he stated whilst pointing at his missing arm, taking a step back.

„Tony did this? What the hell happened?“ her voice came out sharper than intended, Bucky wincing at the sudden noise so close to him.

„I’m sorry. I need to stick these on your chest and temples, is that okay? They’re neurotransmitters that will help me monitor your heartbeat and brain activity. I need to be able to see any change so I can make sure I don’t accidentally hurt you in any way.“ she informed him while moving closer to him. Bucky only nodded, keeping his eyes on the ground.

„We’ll explain everything later, please just help him. Hey, Sam. Everything alright?“ Steve’s voice came from behind them, his footsteps almost inaudible if it wasn’t for the glass on the ground he shattered more with every step.

„Yeah. If by alright you mean the government basically having us tied on leashes. Which just makes the situation a hundred times worse. Tony’s locked in his lab and he refuses to talk to anybody. Everyone’s on edge, man“ Sam said as he leaned against the table, crossing his arms over his chest.

Once Y/N made sure the white pieces were securely placed on Bucky’s warm chest, she scanned his face with her eyes, trying to determine the state of his mind. She then reached for his face slowly, until her fingers came in contact with his bloody cheek. The soft touch of her fingers made something in Bucky’s stomach twist, and he could feel his chest tightening, making it harder for him to breathe. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, suddenly feeling more alert than ever, and when his cold blue eyes met with hers, his lips slightly parted in realization, for her soft touch made him feel as if he hadn’t been touched for an eternity.

„Are you okay?“ her voice barely audible, yet ever so soft, her own eyebrows furrowing, though not in confusion, but rather in concern. She caressed his cheek in an almost loving way, or so he found himself wishing it to be. He was unable to speak, and so he just nodded slightly, the whole world vanishing from his mind.

Her finger’s moved along his face, barely touching him, for she feared she would somehow scare him away. Once she reached his hair, she tucked it behind his ears and placed the other two neurotransmitters on his temples.

„S.T.O.R.M-B., can you please do a scan of Bucky’s body. I need you to monitor his heartbeat, brain activity and how what’s left of his metal arm is attached to his body.“ Y/N commanded, moving away from Bucky, perhaps too fast for his liking, leaving a cold spot where her hand lay only moments ago, the coldness seemingly running through Bucky’s veins, making him shiver slightly. His world began spinning again as if she lifted off her spell once she stepped away.

„Yes, madam“ the A.I informed. Suddenly, the room filled with blue projections of screens proped by the air., all information about Bucky’s condition written there.

„How did you do this? I thought only Tony was capable of this with his fancy tech. And your house is a dump“ Sam exclaimed, his hands flying upwards in awe.

„Oh god“ Y/N whispered, her eyebrows furrowing in concern. She scanned the screens, trying to process the information as fast as she could, her teeth digging into her lip, quickening heartbeat hammering against her chest. She then ran to the refrigerator that was placed in the corner of the room, taking out a few bags of ice.

„What is it? What’s wrong?“ Steve demanded, worry and confusion lacing his voice, as he leaned forward slightly, his arms crossing on his chest.

„His heartbeat is rapid, and his body is basically on fire. See that?“ she stated, pointing at the scan of Bucky’s body, where his metal arm was attached to his body. Steve nodded his head, his eyebrows furrowing and breath hitching in his throat as he signaled for Y/N to continue.

„Well, what is left of his arm is pretty burnt, and if you heat metal, the heat spreads throughout its entire structure. If you look close enough you can see that the metal is basically welded to his bones and muscles. Which means that seething hot metal was literally in contact with his bones and skin. It must have felt like his entire arm was on fire, except he couldn’t do anything about it. And because the metal is connected even to his ribs, as you can see on the scan, not only were his bones on fire, but the organs near them were pretty much burning with the arm. And there’s no way he could have controlled his arm like he did if it didn't have any intervention and some sort of connection to his brain as well. So not only were his bones and organs on fire but so was his brain. When we sum all that up, he shouldn’t even be alive, which is probably why he isn’t healing as he should be. We need to ice him down“ she mumbled in distress, not sure if her words even made sense while placing the ice bags against Bucky’s skin trying to lower his body temperature.

„No!“ Bucky exclaimed loudly, pushing Y/N’s body harshly, sending her flying across the room. A sharp pain ran through her back as she hit the wall, making her cough.

„Bucky, calm down, it’s okay. We’re not going to hurt you!“ Steve exclaimed as he tried to hold Bucky’s body down in a tight grip, stopping him from punching Sam. Loud beeping filled the room, making them look at the screen in the air.

„Oh god calm him down. Calm him down!“ Y/N proclaimed as she pushed herself off the ground, sharp pain firing up her arm as a piece of glass stuck in her palm. She ran to them just as the loud beeping vanished, leaving the room in a grave silence as Bucky’s lifeless body fell to the ground.

Chapter 3.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #marvel fic #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction

38 notes · View notes