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ohheyjudesummers · 1 year

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Pride Aside - Gojo Satoru fanfic

Generally, this story is Minors DNI. 18+ PLEASE (but this first part doesn’t rightly need a warning since its set in the past while they’re young with nothing inappropriate)

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen (As regular humans for the most part with little to no/nonexistent cursed energy or sorcerer ability. Some supernatural abilities are present).

Character: Gojo Satoru (As he is currently in JJK221 as of right now. Meaning some spoilers as far as his *New appearance* but not regarding the office JJK plot line story and character outcomes/circumstances)

Summary: It’s always come natural for you to look out for your little brother (by a couple of short years) and even his best friend, Gojo-or at least it used to come naturally when you guys were kids. Now as Adults, Gojo is womanizing, flippant, cocky, and tends to play agitator; and while you still care about him, sometimes it isn’t the easiest being around him.

Even so, you still care about Gojo. You’ve seen vulnerable sides of him that he’s never shared with anyone and provide a listening ear to him when he needed. You wouldn’t of quite described him as a second brother, but you did feel an attachment and appreciation toward him; and you imagined he felt the same.

So, for the life of you, you can’t figure out why his behavior has shifted toward you. His smile towards you always seems to have a hidden cruelness in it, his stare, if hes not busy overlooking you, feels as if tis piercing through you when no one is looking. And when-IF-he talks to you? its feels damn near condescending. It’s as if hes trying to make you annoyed on purpose to get a rise out of you…or maybe it’s something much more personal that he’s been harboring over the years.

General author’s note: If you've read any of my previous stories or even my original works, you'll know that I typically write stories with girls of my culture in mind (even if it’s X reader) so by default, my stories are black!coded /implied. While I can’t control who reads my work and I do write for the women in my culture to be represented and be included! Not necessarily to exclude anyone.

I’m not typically against anyone reading my stories with respect . I believe people are capable of reading and enjoying interactive literature or general writings, even if the coded/implied “Y/N" or character doesn’t look like them (Especially since girls of my own culture have had to silently use their imaginations to feel included in stories coded for lighter audiences or readers) However, I will still continue to use and include black and POC fem tags to make it easier for my people to find stories.

Also, my fanfiction stories can be found on both Wattpad and Archive of Our Own, as well as on Tumblr (all linked on my page). Thanks so much for reading!

Also like my other fan fictions, I’m not sure if there will be a second part to this one. it depends on both my imagination and the genuine responses/interactions towards it.

As of this moment (I’m writing this 4/20/2023* this is important cause as we know, Gege could add more info to the JJK universe) we don’t really know about Gojo’s family life in depth at this moment. but even so, the info written about his backstory in this fan fiction is crafted by me *along with some other info* and is no way associated with his actual official story.

Some notables in this chapter: Black!reader, Hockeyplayer!Gojo, Jock!Gojo, slight age gap as well. Slow burn, and a bit of fluff. Think of this chapter as building a foundation for the next installment. <3

❣

*Some time ago*

Even the gloomy gray skies outside your window couldn't keep you from smiling as you admired your masterpiece in front of you.

“Finally got it right! Drew is going to love this!” You gushed, slowly spinning the revolving cake stand.

It wasn't just years and passion that made you such a dedicated and aspiring baker, but the circumstances: it was your little brother's birthday tomorrow. Even though you loved your brother to death, you knew he could be a picky eater. While he's never complained about your baking, you didn't want to give him any reason to start.

Before he left a few days ago to be with your father and his smother, he kept dropping hints at how much he wanted to try homemade Tres Leches cake topped with fruit. Most would have been annoyed with their younger sibling ‘pushing’ at them to work on their days off, you were silently grateful. Drew, as annoying as he could be, was actually quite considerate when it came to you. He had given you something to keep you occupied while he was away. Sure, you had your part-time job, but you were on break from classes and had more time to think about your late mother than usual this time of year.

Your step mother, Drew’s mom, was a nice lady and always open to you as a daughter, but she wasn’t your mom-not that you were looking for a replacement. You always found yourself apprehensive about family life as a whole. But at the same time wanting it. Because of this, you always got an array of conflicting feelings. Mainly, they consisted with being both content with being along in your apartment after Drew finished his stay (for however long he decided) and lonely when he went back home.

Even though your dad wasn’t keen on the idea of you moving out so early when you just turned 18, he navigated through this as best as he could. He was always proactive in making sure you knew he was there and that Drew was allowed to stay over at your spacious apartment usually whenever. However, Drew’s schedule has become more rigid this holiday due to hockey practice. But now, he had some time spare and asked for a specially made cake- the perfect motivation for you to zone out and kick you in gear.

The size you made in front of you wasn't overtly large compared to the other you had sitting in the fridge, which is fine considering this was a tester. You wanted to test the aesthetics Outside, it looked good; the perfect amount of cream topping was added, and it didn't appear soggy. The only thing that made a frown twitch at the corner of your lips was the fruit topping, a cherry. It wasn't as if it weren't aesthetically pleasing. You actually liked the idea of adding fruit to the top; you just knew Drew didn't like cherries; he was more of a strawberry guy.

“No worries, I’ll use the last few I have for the official cake in the fridge.” You say, lifting your spirits back up. “For now, it won't hurt to have some of this for myself."

Just as you're about to pick up a nearby fork, a ripple of knocks comes at your front door. Your brows furrow as you take a glance at the clock: 7:30 p.m. Not inordinately late for someone to stop by, but one look outside the window would leave one to believe that not even delivery would feel inclined to go out in the sudden downpour.

More knocks come at the door, just as light but more rapidas the ones before.

“Y/n? Are you home? It's me."

Me?

You recognize the voice.

Stepping away from the counter, you take the disposable mesh net off your head of curls, tossing it in the trash. Once you untie your waist apron and drape it on a chair, you step across your apartment's threshold to the front door. When you swing it open, you're met with a pair of piercing ocean blue eyes staring up at you.

Gojo. Drew’s best friend, and teammate on his hockey team. Drew did ask earlier this week if his friend could stay over for a bit. Even if, as a younger teen his independence was peculiar to you, it wasn’t an anomaly for him to stay at your place shortly before Drew came by. Or to just sleep over entirely when he was here. You didn’t know exactly where Gojo’s family stayed but you imagined it didn’t much matter since Drew did live a bit further than both of you. Because of this it was easier for Gojo to use your spot as a meeting place for himself. so, he tended to come over whenever he pleased.

On one end you didn’t mind this. But on another, Gojo’s free ability to roam wherever, was interesting from a certain perspective; a paternal one. From what you gathered, Gojo himself and his family weren’t really normal. You never bother to push on the subject. This was only because you didn’t notice any real red flags in his overall condition. His bottomless appetite *for sweets especially* you learned, was not out of malnourishment but more so gluttony (You’ve seen the size of his school lunches before. And he was always clothed and cleaned-even though he had this annoying habit of preferring to using the bath at your place. You didn’t know why at first, until you realized your favorite shea butter, honey scented body wash was depleting faster than normal. Initially you had suspected Drew but then you remembered his preference in scent was something more ‘manly’ as he put it.

Be this as it may, He hardly seemed eager in elaborating on his mannerisms and family life. Maybe it didn’t matter much.

He always seemed in high spirits and overall fine. Much like now.

A wide, Cheshire grin appears across his face—a typical greeting of him.

“You’re here a bit early this time, Gojo. Drew doesn’t come back till tomorrow." You say as you observe his face. That’s when you pause. Wisps of his damp, snow white hair stick to his forehead, and his clothes are splotched with droplets. “Boy, d-did you walk here in the rain? Are you crazy? You'll get sick!"

Without a second thought, you grab his slender wrist and pull him into the apartment. You wait until you close the door behind him to turn your scolding gaze back in his direction.

“Why would your family let you walk in this weather? at this time especially? Could they not drive you?"

“My family doesn’t care about what I do as long as I don’t skip on my studies.” Gojo chuckles, letting his backpack slide off his shoulder.

A question edges itself at the tip of your tongue hearing him say this, but something stops you. Specifically, the sound of a soft ‘thud’ when his bag hits the floor. Actually, now that your eyes zero in on it, his bag looks rather full for more than a day or two stay like Drew had informed you it’d be.

“Why is your bag so heavy? What did you pack- Hey, what exactly are you doing?” By the time you pull your eyes from the backpack, Gojo is no longer standing in your living room, but in the kitchen. Particularly near the counter where the Tres leches cake sits.

Oh, you knew from previous events what he was thinking. Past experience had taught you that Gojo, like your brother, enjoyed your baking. However, unlike your brother, Gojo wasn't picky when it came to his food. Because of this, you *usually* enjoyed giving him the results of any recipes you were experimenting with, and he gladly inhaled accepted them. But sometimes it felt like feeding him had no end. That in itself could be exhausting for someone even if they liked to cook.

“Do not touch that cake.”

“Huh? why not? It's just sitting here. Wait, is this…for me? Can I have it now?"

“Gojo, I like you, really, I do. But your sense of self-importance is beyond what I can comprehend sometimes.” you tell him, approaching his side. “You really think when I make sweets and Drew is not here that its always for you?”

Gojo's produces a ponderous, audible grunt with the tilt of his head. His gaze is fixed on the cake, and his fingers grip the stand as he slowly begins to rotate it. After a moment, he breaks from his awe-struck trance and looks over to you, “Well, not always. But this time, can I?”

There’s no real harm in allowing him to eat it. But you wanted it. How exactly could you explain that without sounding immature? Never mind that you two were still teenagers-you were still a little older.

He’ll be fine this time around. it’s not like he absolutely needs it.

Even with your rationality, a thin slice of guilt swipes past you. You couldn't help it; you'd inherited a portion of your mother's nurturing mannerisms.

At the same time, you couldn't see why Gojo couldn't just go out and buy one or have someone make it for him in his own family. This didn't apply to Drew; his predicament was different since no one in your father's household was a decent cook. You'd experienced more than one family dinner before coming to this conclusion yourself. Gojo, on the other hand, while he didn't speak forthrightly about his family dynamic, you could tell he was well-off enough to have someone buy him a cake made by the best pastry chefs in town

But you're not convinced he'd do something like that.

You'd grown to know Gojo as a confident young man since Drew introduced him to both street and ice hockey, and this was a fair assessment.

Gojo appears to be a talented young athlete, based on what you've seen so far. But that was the extent of his boasting—what he could offer in terms of physical ability. His usefulness when he was present. Not his finances . Money, could be replaced. But people—specifically, their abilities? Not so quickly. And Gojo was unquestionably of that nature.

Money, even if he hardly mentioned it, you knew it wasn't a concern for him. He always seemed to have more than he considered necessary, and his clothes were nice.

Aside from the water droplets on his clothes, his pale orange hoodie and loose black track pants appeared brand new and of high quality without even seeing the label. His demeanor was also relaxed, as if he didn't have a care in the world.

You clear your throat, pushing past the unsettling tenseness in your chest that usually accompanied with having to be firm. "No, you can't have this one. Not this time."

You expected Gojo to react with a joke or something witty. Instead, your gaze is drawn to his collapsing shoulders. And then he turns to look at you, his face a mix of uncertainty and hurt.

“But why? Drew said you usually make cakes for birthdays. Doesn't that mean I can eat this now?"

“Well, yeah. But it was a test for Drew's birthday. And I kind of wanted to eat it myself," You smile sheepishly.

This discipline lesson was becoming far more trouble than it was worth, and his somber expression wasn't helping matters. You were on the verge of giving in and letting him have it. But Gojo shocks you with a terse head nod and a feeble smile.

“Ok then. I'm gonna go wash up before bed. I know we have to set up for Drew's birthday tomorrow morning." Is all he says before going back into the living room to grab his bag and bolting down the hallway.

You didn't realize the tension you'd been holding on your shoulders until you felt them sag at the sound of the bathroom door closing.

Well, great. I feel like shit.

Your sweet tooth had suddenly vanished, so you began cleaning up the small mess you had made in the kitchen area while cooking. But something catches your eye—a notification on your phone on the counter not far away.

Picking it up, you shuffle through some of them until your gaze is drawn to notifications from Drew that you missed earlier this morning.

I really need to be more prompt with these things.

You sigh as you unlock your phone and read his messages.

Thnks for Gojo stay over! But do you think you can do me a huge favor? (ಠ_ಠ)

I know it's last minute, but I'll pay you back and do dishes for the next two weeks! before he swings l8ter today, do you think you could bake a small cake for him? When I was texting him earlier about how you make special cakes for my birthday, can you believe he asked me why? (⚆_⚆)

I thought he was joking around, but he told me he'd never done something like that in his family. something about how they acknowledge it as a hallmark in their family's history—whatever that means. But it’s not an actual moment they celebrate with or for him—they don't even give him a cake.

I want to be there for it, but we're still driving back. Plus, today is the official day, and I want him to have something for himself. So please do me this solid! thanks! 〵(^ o ^)〴

oh..god.

You placed your phone on the counter before clenching the area of your shirt where your heart was beating. In that moment, if it could sink, it would end up at the earth's core.

“Wait, is this for me?” His small voice of innocent curiosity-- It'd been genuine. Not out of self-centeredness, like you initially assumed.

You wanted to give yourself some comfort by not believing someone would be so cold toward a child as to not give them a birthday celebration for the 14-going on 15- years they've been alive. You didn't want to believe someone who could literally be so sure of himself around his peers, and his abilities, was robbed of something so basic as human contact by his own family for that special day.

But as you thought more about the matter, you realized you had to be realistic with yourself. With Gojo's mannerisms, and what little you know about his family, Drew's words about him didn't seem so farfetched. Not in the slightest.

You'd been blessed with some logical adults in your life; they'd taught you that multiple things can, on occasion, be true at once about an individual, whether they make sense to you or not.

❣

Gojo emerges from the bathroom now wearing his pajamas after taking a much-needed hot bath. There was another special reason he felt better, in addition to the simple fact that his skin felt warm, fresh, and spotless. A small smile appears across his mouth as he breathes deeply while aiming his face at his shoulder. He presses his nose much more firmly against the softness of his shirt, to his shoulder. The scent of your body wash hits him; the aroma of flowers, sweet citrus fruit, and Honey—His new favorite scent since his visits at your house started—was delicate as well as prevalent.

It's almost like... She's hugging me. Honey.

The thought emits a dull ache in Gojo's chest. It's a strange reaction, along with the floating, warm feeling he gets whenever he's close to you. But it's not a new sensation; rather, it's been with him since the first time he saw you on the sidelines at one of Drew's street hockey games—before he knew either of you officially.

But Gojo never gave much thought into the feeling other than him appreciating your company to the point where he wanted to be around you more. Thankfully you allowed it without much question. yet, still, Gojo silently couldn’t help but feel it was a luxury he could never seem to be able to afford. Gojo loved Drew like a brother he’d never had, truly he did. But whenever he thought about Drew’s relationship with you for long, he could feel envy grip its cruel green fist around what felt like his heart. The tightness would increase Moreso when he thought about how Drew could have access to your time whenever.

Despite having more money than he knew what to do with, being applauded and acknowledged as a possible prodigy of hockey; He felt inadequate to his best friend simply because he had you. Not as an older sister, but as someone who was concerned and…loved him. But Gojo would do his best to hide this ugly side of him; always brushing it off as best he could and having a good time. Like now

Except for one difference.

For the first time since entering the corridor, Gojo noticed how quiet it was. In the past, even when it had just been the two of you hanging out, he would at least be able to hear you moving around the house.

“Y/n?” He calls for you, but gets no answer. puzzled, he steps further down the hall, just nearing the corner to round leading toward the kitchen archway-only to be stunned at the sight.

“Happy Birthday!”

You beamed, holding a rectangular glass cake pan angled toward him. Gojo freezes at the sight in front of him. His blue eyes blink rapidly before locking back on toward the cake. It's similar to the one you told him he couldn't eat, with the whipped topping evenly spread out. Aside from being bigger, this one was thoughtfully topped with fresh strawberries along the frame of the cake. And in the middle, in red, carefully pipped lettering, were the words, "Happy birthday, Gojo!"

Even after seeing his name on the surface, Gojo, as self-assured as he depicted himself to be, began feeling unsure at the display. "I get to have a cake?”

“It's December 7th, isn't it?” You tease. “Of course, you should have a cake; today's a special occasion." Your smile widens as you set the cake down on the kitchen island. You motion for him to sit on the stool in front of the cake as you round the opposite side of the island, which he does.

Even though Gojo took long baths, you felt that the amount of prep time you had to make things to your liking was nonexistent. Granted, you already had this cake made with the intention of giving it to Drew tomorrow, so that cut time down by a bunch. But decoration wise? You wanted it to be a little more presentable with something besides a clean application of whipped topping. So, in your haste to finish the last-minute cake, you decorated it with strawberries and practiced piping a few fonts before writing on the cake itself. Everything was at least acceptable to you, but you could only find one box with a single red and white striped candle.

It'll do for now.

You think, as you remove the candle from the box and gently insert it into the cake's surface. Gojo watches attentively as you grab a nearby lighter and angle it over the candle wick.

“You know, it's tradition to blow the candle out, but you have to make a wish first. You can ask for anything you'd like."

“A wish...?” he repeats slowly, wrinkling his nose. “Why would I wish for something when I can just go and get it myself?"

Your lids lower.

Why am I not surprised that he would say something like that?

You fight the urge to follow up his remark with something witty; that would be immature given the situation.

“Not everything is easy to get—that's why.”

“It doesn't need to be.” He shrugs lightly. “ I'll have it if I really want it.”

It's so annoyingly amazing how this boy can be so innocent but at the same time so sure of himself.

“Fine, Mr. Confident." You chuckle, lowering the lighter. “If you're so undoubtably confident that you don't need even an inkling of help from a wish to afford every luxury this world has to offer, then we don't have to—"

“Wait!” His hand clasps around your wrist suddenly. "I mean, we can still do it. For fun, I mean.”

Your brow furrows at the sudden change of heart. You're almost tempted to question him about it, but you quickly dismiss the idea. It didn't matter right now.

The vivid orange flame peaks from the lighter with a soft 'click' and ignites the wick.

"If you need a second to think of your just-for-fun wish, you can give yourself a little time."

“I don't have to say it out loud either, do I?”

“You don't," you confirm with a kind smile. “Just close your eyes, think really hard about what you really want, and then blow out the candle.”

Even with your genuine patience, you can't help but notice the way his eyes fidget back and forth between you and the flame on the candle. Regardless of whether it's a harmless superstition that he claims he doesn't believe in, his body language towards this part puzzles you. Then, a faint pink rose to his cheeks. It's almost as if he feels embarrassed or protective of his superstitious beliefs being reveled to you.

Maybe he actually does have something unobtainable that he wants, but can’t admit it —boys are so stubborn.

You think humorously.

It wasn’t so hard to believe. you distinctly remember overhearing him and Drew once talking about some rare hockey trading cards weeks ago.

But you weren't going to poke fun at him about it-even if it was a silly superstition, this was a moment—a hallmark for him...

His long, snow-white lashes flutter close as he leans forward slightly. His chest inflates slightly as he takes a breath, and he expels the flame in one whisk of breath.

…cause in that innocent instant, neither of you knew how much of a hallmark that moment was and how it set off a butterfly effect promised to intertwine your lives for the long haul.

❣

End note from the author: I enjoy and appreciate comments, likes, reblogs (on Tumblr), and kudos (on AO3). I don't always have the spare time to respond back or properly view in a timely manner, but please know that I appreciate the interaction purely because I love sharing my imagination with people who enjoy the escape from reality <3 also, heres a pic of the vision I had of the budding hockey start Gojo

©JUDESUMMERS. Please do not copy, Translate, Plagiarize, or repost (sharing via link is excluded). This story is only uploaded on Tumblr, Wattpad and AO3. Anywhere else under any other name besides JUDESUMMERS is prohibited

#interracial #x black!reader #fanfiction #anime x black!fem reader #gojo x black reader #gojo x y/n #black!reader #black!fem!reader #jjk x reader #jjk x black reader #gojo satoru x black!reader #wattpad #gojo x reader #gojo satoru fanfic #x black fem reader #Gojo x black!fem reader #gojo x oc

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hillsofuhhtennessee · 6 months

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Velvet von Ragnar whump HCs going both ways because they’re cute in both roles.

Caregiver:

-Velvet can be an uncaring asshole who’ll sell you to satan for a corn chip, but if you’re useful and valuable to them they also definitely enjoy “playing mommy” to sick underlings

-You WILL be cuddled, kissed, stroked, and held close until you fall asleep on their lap. Velvet is incredibly physically affectionate and will provide literally any kind of massage or touch desired.

-probably the type to incessantly offer you food and make sure you eat

-If on the go, there’s a high chance of being wrapped in one of their huge coats

-it’s probably harder to get them to leave you alone vs baby you because their parental instincts are shockingly strong if you manage to trigger them. It can get downright obnoxious if you just want to be left alone but they’re humming and holding you and trying to get you to have another popsicle.

-while generally very busy, in the off chance they do have free time they’re easily entertained and will curl up with you to watch TV or something

-has no actual medical training but honestly can be nice to have around if you have a cold or other minor ailment since they’re well-versed in home remedy/low tech things for that. They’re also completely unfazed by gross things and bodily fluids LOL

-high likelihood of being wrapped up in one of their big coats or fluffy robes, especially if you’re smaller. I like to think they value soft/smooth textures in fabric for linings and more casual clothes and a lot of their stuff is very heavy and cozy and be wrapped in. Velvet is also probably fond of cute robes and jammies for lounging around in general which brings us to…

Whumpee

-Velvet is probably pretty durable if we extrapolate from Gene but does enough stupid crap that they inevitably will get hurt/sick. They try so hard to hide real weakness or pain but if they’re really wiped it’s hard to hide it. Probably leans on the side of “I’ll deal with it myself/it’ll resolve itself” vs getting medical help for most things unless it really goes south or is something acute like falling off a dam. I think part of them does secretly enjoy being coddled if they feel safe enough around someone, though.

-The main signs that something is wrong that they can’t hide are lethargy, avoiding touch, poor appetite, poor color, or looking thin/worn. Velvet is naturally excitable, wiggly, and tactile, and is very warm-looking and full-bodied physically when in at least decent health. When one of those is gone something is definitely wrong.

-Physically injured, they can be a total ass to deal with. Hyper without an outlet to burn it off, agitated that they can’t do things, incessantly flirting with literally any nurse (or antagonizing them), and often pissed at who/whatever hurt them (or whatever dumb thing they did)

-If genuinely exhausted or incapacitated though… that’s when they can be surprisingly calm and gentle. When that tired, they’re more mentally stable, very comfort-seeking, and too wiped to lash out. They’ll often be mostly nonverbal and just gesture and nod, especially if their throat hurts.

-physical touch can calm and coax Velvet into doing a lot of things. It’s comforting for a lot of milder ailments and a bribing them with a head scratch or cuddle will convince them to take their meds or eat. Tummy rubs are also a secret cheat code for getting an angry/anxious/otherwise emotional Velvet to calm down because their moods and belly are SO closely linked and affect each other.

-If you become known as a free back/foot/etc rub dispenser in their mind they’ll start getting demanding FAST though

-In rarer cases where they really don’t want to be touched they’ll still seek pillows and blankets to curl up with.

-They still hate feeling vulnerable. They tend to treat caretakers more like teddy bears and want them to be the little spoon or sit on their lap still. They’re pretty shameless about bodily fluids and being gross as long as it isn’t something humiliating or too much of a sign of weakness.

-they love being bathed by others, but again, will usually end up trying to flirt with them unless REALLY tired. Then they’ll just silently enjoy the tactile stimulation and lean into it

-Can be tough to coax into eating if they don’t want to, but once they get at least a nibble in of something they’ll definitely eat more than enough and aren’t picky at all with food.

-they have a lot of cute jammies and robes to lounge around in.

-They get scruffy and scuzzy really fast when they don’t have the oomph to clean up every day and hate it. If someone is willing to do it for them, they’ll probably cry.

#honestly i probably undersell them as a caregiver #mostly just because i’m too into them as whumpee LOL #as yes my oldest thing: big intimidating characters being poor little meow meows in pain #idc if velvet isn’t pathetic enough they’re a meow meow the way people overly cutesify bit cats #“aw lookit the toofies and beans i wanna rub the tummy” towards a lion

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deusvervemakesgames · 10 months

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Project RBH Devlog 0016

Everyone.

After two whole weeks of banging my head against this problem, I’ve done it.

I’ve finally made it so that status effects can also change an enemy’s stats.

Obviously, what you’re seeing in the GIF isn’t what will actually happen when you light an enemy on fire in any public builds, but I needed something that was immediately visually clear what was happening for demonstration purposes. Thus, the super-fast quick-shotting shotgunner zipping around. This is also my test level where I run all of my dark and diabolical experiments, so the walls are invisible because I never saw a point to making them visible.

(The walls in this game are actually separate from the wall tileset, which is a very common means of handling collision in 2D games. They’re the same walls as the ones in the dungeons, but without the code automatically filling in the wall tiles where the wall collision objects are.)

With this I can really make status effects change up some things about how enemies function while under the influence of whatever you shot them full of. Remember kids, don’t do fire.

This is, unfortunately, the only thing I was able to accomplish last week, but hey, now that it’s working I won’t ever need to touch it again! Mostly!

Right now it can only affect four stats, so if I really want variation, I’ll need to add more to that, and it’s also not exactly plug-and-play; I need to reference the changed variables in the enemy code. For example, right now, if I had a different enemy than the shotgun enemy, they wouldn’t have any of the stat changes when I set them on fire because I was only experimenting with the shotgun enemy. Adding in that code is super easy, especially since I can just copy what I already did for the shotgun enemy, but it is something that I will have to remember in every single enemy I make for the rest of the game.

The four stats I can currently change are, Fire Rate, Damage, Defense, and Movement Speed. You already saw what happens when I dramatically increase the Fire Rate and Movement Speed back at the top of this article.

Defense is quite useful since I can theoretically give enemies armor that way, though I’ll also need to change a few things about how I initialize my variables to make that happen as right now I set them all to a default value without being able to change them when I create an enemy.

There’s also a minor concern with Damage. Unlike the enemies, the Player Character doesn’t have a float value for health, but an integer. In laymen’s terms, the Player HP can only ever be a whole number. If you pay attention to the enemy health number I have for debugging up in that GIF, you’ll see that by contrast, it can take 0.5 damage. That’s not really a problem. What is a problem is that most enemies deal exactly 1 damage, so any reduction of that damage means they deal no damage. Something else I’ll have to figure something out for.

But honestly that can all come later. This week, my plan is to finally fix the problem with what I call the ‘grenade’ mechanic because I still haven’t found a better name for it; the mechanic where you can get a power-up that spawns something when your bullet fades.

Most of that should be simple; turn it from an object reference into an array, plug all the things I want to spawn into the array, run a for loop for the length of the array (meaning once per item in the list) and spawn it. It’s basically the same code I use to make status effects work.

In other game design news, Matt Colville has finally started the Designing The Game youtube series he’s been teasing for a while now. If you aren’t familiar, Matt Colville is a game designer who’s worked on a lot of titles both physical and digital and has a long-running series called Running The Game where he gives advice for being the Dungeon Master in TTRPGs. Most of this advice is system agnostic, but largely focused on Dungeons and Dragons. His company, MCDM, also announced back at the start of the year when Wizards of the Coast announced the new bullshit OGL for Dungeons and Dragons that they were working on their own flagship TTRPG which wouldn’t have any of the legal restriction nonsense that WotC was pushing. Designing The Game is his series where he discusses the work the company has done on this game. The first episode is surprisingly relevant to this specific DevLog series, as it’s a discussion of the benefits of preproduction documentation versus rapid iterative prototyping.

That’s all I’ve got for this week, hopefully next week I’ll be reporting back that I’ve fixed the grenade system, allowing for easy synergies down the line.

Until next Devlog!

-DeusVerve

Special thanks to my Tier 3 Patrons, Haelerin and Christos Kempf!

Support me on Patreon

#devlog #indie dev #game development #indie game #game dev #video games #rbh

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nancy-plays-dutp · 2 years

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Moving Mountains Review

If I had to sum up my feelings about this book in one sentence, it would be “mixed”. There’s certainly a lot I enjoy, and with some minor adjustments I think this story could have been one of my favorites. But other aspects of this story really let it down, and change my perspective of this narrative to a more negative one.

Moving Mountains is two chapters, and the pacing is noticeably better than the last story, Code Whalefall. I also admire the clothing designs, but here we run into our first big problem.

Much to the frustration of many DUTP players, every single handheld in this book is a Jerry item. This means that you can only complete two outfits without Jerry spins, and a bunch of outfits that SHOULD be fully craftable are not. The in game statistics will allow you to get 100% without winning the items from Jerry, but this honestly just felt petty to me. There’s no reason why those items couldn’t have been blueprints we obtained in the story, and Jerry is an awful system to work with at the best of times given the element of randomness. Especially since many recent Jerry outfits have many four star items that don’t even look good, like plain white socks, and you’re much more likely to win multiples of those items than a single desirable item. I miss when exceptional items were the norm from Jerry, not the exception.

I mention this so close to the top because the outfits are the main appeal of this story. I’ll do a further breakdown of the characters and plot, but honestly if anything about this story appeals to you, there is a better story with those aspects. The premise of this one, that the MC Wen Rou does not want to get married, is something so simple that it can be seen in plenty of other stories as a subplot. I would recommend the Perfect Storm for an MC taking control of her fate and chasing her dreams. And if you’re here for the cultural aesthetic Ancient Dreams and Gourmets Journey have very similar styles and much better writing, along with grappling with themes of family responsibility and expectations. So I guess you can play this book if you want, but play those other books first. They’re much better, and don’t do this frustrating Jerry item stuff.

Now for the plot, which will be under the cut because of spoilers. I can’t decide if the spoilers will really affect the progression of the story, because it’s not set up as a mystery but the summary was so general I have to assume that to some degree they didn’t want you to know what you were getting into. But I honestly don’t think that spoilers will really change your perception of this story.

The main storyline has Wen Rou attempting to prevent an arranged marriage; unfortunately a powerful official attempts to blackmail her into marriage by tarnishing her father’s reputation. To repair it and save her family Wen Rou takes charge of the flooded region her father was working in to save both the people there and her own chances at freedom.

Starting off with the positives, I really enjoyed how much of this story was actually about flood management. I loved how you actually got to make decisions (in some paths) and change things for the better, and how project management was an actual skill that our MC was trained in and allowed to use.

I also cannot describe the delight I felt upon learning that we actually got to blow up a mountain. I would have loved to be more directly involved in that process, or at least have gotten a CG, but I do appreciate the fact that the title reveal was quite literal.

Character wise, I really enjoyed the MC’s relationship with her mother. Although you have opposing views it’s clear that she cares about you, and having that resolution at the end where she accepts your path and expresses her desire to see you happy was lovely. Too often I see these types of stories simply paint the parents as Evil, and it was nice to see it acknowledge that she wants you to get married because that’s the best way she knows to keep you safe.

Companion wise, Shen Jiaojiao was my favourite. The scene where she helps you out by funding your escape was one of the most impactful, and I adore how relying on her is what allows the story to continue rather than forcing you to seek the help of one of the love interests. I do wish that she’d been able to be more present in the second chapter and find it odd how one ending path doesn’t have you seeing her again at all, since her role as your friend and supporter was so vital to the first chapter. It’s also the best link to the theme of this story, the empowerment of women, since it has a character who does fulfill the traditional role she’s expected to, but she still shows spirit and courage and seeks to help you break out of those constraints.

Finally, on the list of things I like is actually the start of Chapter 2, where we have one stage mentioning the MC managing her period cramps. It’s so minor, but menstruation is such a taboo topic and I appreciate it being shown in such a natural light. It also serves the theme well, since this is something that could appear to make women “weaker” but the MC isn’t stopped by it, and more importantly we see Gu Yin offer sympathy and try to take care of her. His actions don’t come across as condescending but rather the assistance of a friend of equal status, and it was a good subtle moment for his characterization.

You might have noticed that I’ve barely mentioned the LIs until this point. This is because while I didn’t hate them, I also have some critiques of their writing. I cannot emphasize how strange it feels to me, having a story where the pitch is “the MC doesn't want to get married” and then barely having an ending without a romance path. The only one that could really qualify is the chapter one ending where you just straight up leave everything behind, which I did enjoy but clearly is not what the story is building towards since it’s so early on in the playthrough.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with having romance in a story, but I couldn’t help but feel that it was a strange choice in this case, especially since the LIs often felt extraneous to the plot. Admittedly Luo Jiuhua was treated the worst in this respect; while he’s supposed to be a childhood friend the writing fails to convince me that such a friendship was truly impactful or necessary, and his route actually involves doing so much less for yourself that it’s rather frustrating.

When Luo Jiuhua was first introduced I honestly thought there was going to be a plotline where we had a fake betrothal just to appease the MC’s family, and then you’d be working together and slowly fall in love and get engaged for real at the end, after being able to prove your worth and accept your family’s blessing to make your own path. It would have also given Luo Jiuhua some much needed personality, making him an interesting foil to Gu Yin by characterizing him as somebody willing to bend the rules and play around with tradition. Since this was clearly not the plan there were still things that could have been done to improve on him. Perhaps he’s the reason why the MC was able to begin learning from her father, and she’d been encouraged by him to pursue education. Perhaps he’d taught her martial arts, which as a fun bonus would open up the opportunity to have a sparring match with him and build some tension.

I especially found his role towards the end of the story frustrating, as whenever the MC ran into difficulties he’d show up and throw his money around and instantly win the trust of the people. It’s always the MC failing and him succeeding, which removes her agency and creates distance between her and the final success. This is culminated in how in this route she doesn’t even think of the blowing up the mountain plan herself, instead overhearing it from somebody while distributing soup and stating the extremely obvious “well why don’t we try that?”. It would have been better to see the MC actually work with Luo Jiuhua, perhaps thinking of inviting him specifically because of his ability to soothe crowds and using that to her advantage, or asking him to look into previous flood mitigation efforts by talking with the citizens he knows so well. Letting her see these strengths and utilize them would reinforce her skill as a leader, instead of just passively letting her friend take care of the problems she faces.

Gu Yin was likely the author’s favourite, as that relationship gets far more time to develop and even starts off with quite the intriguing premise of being enemies. The support he gives you, especially in Chapter 2, is quite touching and well done, and I could realistically see their romantic ending as a fair culmination of their journey together through the narrative. Yet there are still weak spots that could have been improved, most notably the transition between Chapter 1 and Chapter 2.

Upon initial confrontation with his regressive ideas about the role of women, I fully believed we were going to be disguising ourselves as a man to join him on the trip and then have a dramatic reveal. Alas, such a plotline was not to be, and you instead convince him to bring you along. Which reveals an interesting bit of nuance to his character, as it’s clear through the way that he treats you that he doesn’t actually see women as lesser. Yet the story never addresses this discrepancy; it would have been interesting to see him speak about conforming to the ideals of society even if they’re not sincerely held, and the compromises he makes to secure his position of power because he believes he can do more good by making less waves. It would set him up in contrast to the MC, who refuses to adhere to standards she doesn’t believe in, and their relationship could allow them both to grow, with Gu Yin admiring Wen Rou’s bravery, and her learning from his temperance to be less reckless and choose her battles wisely. It would have also gone well with his backstory of growing up in a poor family and obtaining power, and he could have discussed the prejudices he himself faced and how that has impacted his worldview. Instead that backstory appears to not matter whatsoever, as he never even connects with common people or shows any knowledge from said background, nor allows it to motivate his actions. He doesn’t aim to prove himself or earn his place, nor does he try to advocate for those who were born in similar circumstances as he was. In my opinion the element of growing up poor could have actually been entirely given to Luo Jiuhua, since he’s the one who ends up connecting to the commoners far more often and is more sympathetic to them, and it would really make no difference to Gu Yin’s character.

It also would have made their partnership more impactful, if we saw him overcoming ingrained prejudice or fear, or if he represented the system that was holding back Wen Rou. If they’d let Gu Yin be from a rich family and kept his prejudice, he could have grown through the story and come to realize the error of his ways, and his arc would have represented the larger change that Wen Rou comes to have on the world around her. This is where the “dress up as a man” plot would have worked particularly well, since he would have been treating her as an equal and respecting her opinion before realizing she was a women, and then could reevaluate his own internal prejudice. Although he might not have been as nice during the story, I think it would have been fascinating and a good way to connect their relationship between the two chapters.

This brings me to my main problem with this story: what’s up with all the poor people? Chapter one sets up a theme about those in power being abusive and dismissive to those without official positions; we constantly see examples of corrupt officials and are meant to empathize with the citizens living under their governance. But whenever we actually interact with these citizens they’re portrayed fairly unsympathetically. Most of them do not have names and form simply a faceless mob; the MC is unable to appeal to reason in most cases, and must resort to lying to them to get their cooperation. The story struggles with this part of the narrative, with the MC being frustrated over being unheard, and while some of the dialogue and writing attempts to address this by pointing out how they have valid reasons to be distrustful of authority, this is never really resolved in the course of the story. The citizens trust Luo Jiuhua, despite him also being a wealthy noble and present in the area during this abuse, while seemingly arbitrarily disliking the MC for the exact same reasons. It could be a fumbled plot about disliking outsiders, but this doesn’t mesh with the MC’s stated past of knowing the area from having grown up there. If Luo Jiuhua was the character who’d grown up poor and then risen to prominence through the luck of fortune this would make much more sense, as he’d then be viewed as one of the citizens despite his new power and explain why they’re so receptive to him.

It would have also been nice to see the MC actually overcome this difficulty in communication. Perhaps by appointing Luo Jiuhua to be the intermediary, or setting up an internal council run by the village to petition for their needs; some way she could have listened to their concerns and allowed their voices to be heard. The most baffling parts of this plotline are how one of the bad endings literally has the MC being killed by a senseless mob when they believe she is trying to run away, especially when in the other ending she is STILL appearing to leave the town with little explanation but somehow the people trust her this time; also the plot point where you can choose to whip the mother who stole from you to feed her starving child, and it appears to have no affect on the story. I honestly thought that was going to come back at the end, perhaps with the commoners now distrusting her at a crucial moment (perhaps when she’s leaving to go find the delayed delivery of explosives), but encountered no such thing in my playthrough. Perhaps it was there and I just didn’t unlock that path, in which case it’s still strange that something like that could happen and have so little effect on the story.

Built into this is the ongoing conflict of education for women. The MC mentions how she’s been fortunate to learn from her father, and its implied that most other women are restricted to flower arranging, with Wen Rou’s interest in the book festival being something her mother disapproves of. At a pivotal point in the story Wen Rou gains support by promising a mother that her daughter will receive an education (although I do wish the dialogue in that scene made me feel less like she was threatening the future of this child if the mother failed to comply, and she would be separating them permanently for the benefit of the daughter’s education; I suppose schools in this world don’t allow you to go home to see your parents). In of the main endings Wen Rou opens a school specifically for women, to try and educate others and give them the opportunity to change their society as she has. Yet once again the theme is muddled and unclear, resulting in this school becoming kind of a weird note to end on, at least in my reading experience.

Opening a school for women to follow the same path is hardly something new to DUTP books; most recently we’ve seen this in The Perfect Storm. But in that book the lack of education of women is a theme that is commonly built on; the protagonist comes into conflict with her parents over learning, and repeatedly laments the fate of women who are forced to marry and give up their dreams. She’s fully aware that she’s a symbol of female liberation and embraces it. Here Wen Rou seems only vaguely aware of her role, acting dismissive towards other women and taking her own education for granted. It’s not mentioned why her father taught her, especially since it appears he did not expect her to follow in his footsteps; was teaching his daughter just a hobby? Luo Jiuhua’s past with her could have been used very well in this situation; perhaps her father was originally teaching Luo Jiuhua and mourning the lack of a son to educate, and Wen Rou was allowed to sit in and quickly excelled at the classes, surpassing Luo Jiuhua and gaining a lifelong thirst for knowledge.

This is especially stark in Wen Rou’s interactions with other women. On one hand we have those in high society, who she refuses to mingle with and enjoys frustrating by pretending stupidity. The exception to this being Shen Jiaojiao, who you do empathize with and who does help you, but it would have been nice to see an acknowledgement that even those who you disagree with aren’t just vapid drones, happy to blindly follow the societal constraints you chafe against. It portrays the MC as very “not like other girls,” which then only is amplified in the second chapter as your education is what sets you apart from all the poor commoners who can’t understand policy and must be lied to, lest they form an unreasoning mob.

Wen Rou has a very interesting position, as she is currently fighting against a system that does oppress her, but also has a degree of privilege many do not. This book fails to address these systemic influences on the world; it’s never discussed what the norms are for education for women and those in poverty, nor how that correlates to positions of power. We aren’t explicitly told of rules that are in place preventing women from being officials or going to school, at least until the very end when Wen Rou can choose to ask for one of these rules to be dissolved. Others seem mostly unaware of these influences; perhaps one of the poor people in the second chapter could have been a women with great influence in her community, and Wen Rou could propose giving her an official position of leadership, and we could learn that this has been withheld from her due to her gender. It would connect the damage of the floods and the negligence of the officials to the conflict about the oppression of women, and deliver the narrative that everybody benefits when barriers are removed and people can use their talents despite not meeting traditional gender expectations. Even the widower we met could be grieving the death of his wife, and we could learn she was an important member of the community who advocated for better living conditions, and her death negatively impacted everyone. If you wanted to be especially brave you could include a subplot of her dying of an easily treatable illness, but she couldn’t afford such treatment due to her poverty, which was because her work was going uncredited and unpaid for.

At the heart of Wen Rou’s story must be the acknowledgement that she is not special. She has a position where she can make a difference and she does deserve that, and she does have talent and has worked hard to reach this point. None of that is taken away by pointing out that there are other equally skilled women, women who can also be leaders, women who also search for innovative solutions and long for more, and women who are simply not given the same opportunities as Wen Rou. This is how real oppression works in real life, perpetuated by people who mean well but cannot understand the barriers that others face, especially when they themselves have overcome barriers. And here we could tie this conflict into the story title and flood management; people have tried to stop the floods before, the same way that people have advocated for social change in areas of injustice. And they’ve been stopped, or change has been insufficient, or new problems have arisen. Then the conclusion shows that it’s important to keep trying, to let new people come up with new solutions, to push onwards and seek new ways of understanding and reaching those who have been ignored and left behind. Moving mountains takes more than one day, but it can eventually be done, and the fact that its hard doesn’t make it any less worthwhile.

#dress up time princess #dutp moving mountains #dutp story #in summary i feel mid about this book #lots of missed opportunities but nothing that really made me angry #also the clothes were nice

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wander-wren · 1 year

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okay so i AM going to talk about the problems with shiver but in a serious way. keeping in mind i’ve read the books a few times but it’s been at least a year or two since i did more than pick through them, so. memory shot

i’m also trying to be as factual and neutral as possible but i will give my personal opinion on everything and i’m biased bc i love this book so it is. generally critical-positive.

shiver & neurodivergence/mental health

while it’s not explicitly stated, grace’s mom (potentially dad?) and her best friend rachel are both heavily adhd-coded. rachel is described as “ditzy” and is always hyper and excitable. i think she’s a little bit stereotypical, a little over the top, but nothing about her strikes me as especially bad rep. grace’s mom, on the other hand, is incredibly distracted and always off doing The Art, and neither of grace’s parents ever have time for her or remember that she exists. so. there’s that.

idk i have adhd and i don’t really have a problem with it, i feel like rachel’s coding was very deliberate and the parents’ less so. the parents’ actions are definitely never excused just bc they’re flighty and distractible, which is correct, it’s still their job to raise their kid regardless of their issues. but i won’t speak for everyone.

second, salem is one of the minor wolf pack members, characterized by his “running eye” and the implication that he’s not All There. we don’t see enough of him in flashbacks to really tell what’s going on there, but he seems to have a solid place in the pack as both a wolf and a human. i always felt like him Looking Crazy was overkill, but again, we only see him as a human in flashbacks, and very rarely, so i can’t draw many conclusions.

there’s also shelby and jack, two side characters who are frequently referred to as “psycho” or “psychotic.” mostly by isabel. i’m inclined to let this slide with a critical look bc the book did come out in 2009, and isabel is absolutely the kind of girl who would use those words. she’s mean. but the language and the implications are there, and ofc i don’t experience psychosis so i can’t say it’s fine or not definitively.

we see shelby more. she seems to lack empathy and have a sadistic side, as shown by her torturing a bird and releasing mr. darrio’s dogs to attack (and nearly kill) paul. beck implies once that she comes from an abusive home, so it’s possible she has a personality disorder caused by trauma. i don’t know enough about personality disorders to attempt to diagnose her, though. she’s also shown to have an obsession with sam, who is about her age, talking about them being mates as wolves someday when they’re both pre-teens. she likes being a wolf for the escapism, which is fair, actually. she does attempt to kill both grace and sam a couple of times and successfully kills grace’s friend olivia. i think shelby is super scary and interesting but there’s also definitely some very ugly implications there. she dies unredeemed.

jack is isabel’s brother who is presumed dead in a wolf attack until he shows up as a werewolf. pre-wolf, he’s known to be violent and a bully, and actually provoked the pack to attack him by shooting them with a BB gun. as a wolf he is mostly unstable and violent, but doesn’t kill anything more consequential than his family dog. ouch. he does, however, kidnap grace at one point in an attempt to find a “cure” for werewolfism, and would have killed her if she didn’t comply. he just seems to have a lot of anger management issues, to be quite honest. he does die in the process of actually curing his werewolf-ness and this is treated as sad. it’s definitely a horrific way to go (untreated bacterial meningitis. the idea is you burn the wolf out via fever, then hope you can treat the meningitis in time. did not work for him). i think jack is just generally a dick and isabel calls him a ps*cho bc that’s how she is.

finally, there’s cole, who as i mentioned is deeply suicidal and he does drugs and becomes a werewolf about it. he also gets a whole book to himself, it’s great. he’s…basically just your standard bad boy rockstar who’s actually a tortured genius who’s actually an asshole, but he has Growth. i love him, personally. i can’t think of anything wrong with his portrayal in the books but i thought i’d include him in the interest of thoroughness.

shiver & representation.

there are zero (0) characters of color in shiver. it’s set in minnesota. the one exception MIGHT be paul, who is described as “dark” (not dark-skinned or dark-haired, just dark) and is black in wolf form. if you do decide that paul counts, he does die, but so do like, a fuckton of characters, and he does make it through most of three books iirc. werewolves are NOT a racism allegory in this series. and i’m white, so again, not my place to decide, but i think “no poc” is at least a step above “poc but they’re all treated horribly.”

originally this was just a race section but i’m back to add that (other than the section above), there are no characters from marginalized groups at all. again, it’s better than bad rep, and sign of the times and all, but it’s…definitely a thing.

shiver & cliches

yeah now that we’ve gotten through the ~problematic~ bits we gotta address the “twilight knockoff cashgrab” allegations. i have not read twilight (i feel so unqualified to be doing this?? i have no expertise on anything), BUT my main impressions are:

vampires

super special immune to vampires MC

werewolves

love triangle

so, shiver has werewolves. that’s it. the werewolves in shiver turn into regular old wolves every winter, then to humans in the summer. every year, it takes less cold to turn them wolves and more heat to turn them human, shortening their human time, until roughly 20 years in they become wolves forever. no special powers, no imprinting mess, nada.

(if you’re curious the book explains that moving to a warm climate doesn’t work. some of the pack moved to texas, but the constant heat just made them hypersensitive to cold and one of them got turned by air conditioning. you can cure werewolfism with an extremely high fever, but this also obviously has a high chance of killing the human as well.)

no vampires. no love triangle. one dude has an obvious crush on grace but she brushes him off even before sam is an option.

technically grace is a little bit special because she was attacked by wolves but didn’t turn. this is bc soon after she was locked in a hot car by her parents while also having the flu, and, you guessed it, got hot enough to cook the wolf out of her. she does still have some wolf traits like the ability to communicate with them in their telepathic image-language a bit. her experience is how they figure out the cure later on, but it’s not permanent and she does eventually become a werewolf as well. she and sam do have a Special Connection, but it’s because he was the wolf who dragged her away from the pack when they attacked her as a kid, and she remembered and watched him in the woods after that while he developed a crush.

the only twilight things i know a lot about are breaking dawn pt 2 the movie and that is absolutely nothing like shiver, lol. there’s no politics in shiver, there’s barely even a wolf pack by the time the current plot happens.

i will actually talk about the “cashgrab” element in another post bc it started getting too long so stay tuned

shiver & unproblematic crimes

i think the book uses “sexy” as a descriptor like, four times, and i hate that.

i think rachel is kinda annoying.

sam has never done anything wrong ever in his life and has so much plot armor. actually i don’t think this is a problem. i love him and he deserves everything

“lovely summer girl” is not actually that great. it’s very sweet but eh. some of sam’s other bits of lyrics throughout the book are cool though

the tl;dr of all of this is that shiver has some uncomfortable issues. but i don’t personally think that they make it unreadable or not worthwhile if you’re interested in that kind of thing. it is a little bit cringe at times, it’s not stiefvater’s best, but it’s good at being disturbing and devastating and romantic, which is the point.

#wren wrambles #again #shiver #wolves of mercy falls #look the cashgrab point started turning into a more general rant so i cut it #sorry again for all the shiverposting today #someone on this godforsaken earth has to be not normal about Them #its not much but its honest work

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mongoosh · 1 year

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#web designing companies in bangalore #Mongoosh Designs #No code development #creative agency in Noida #UI UX design agency

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disturbedbydesign · 2 years

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Pick Your Poison (Deviance Series - Part 1)

Pairing: Jim Hopper x OFC

Word Count: 3.4K

Summary: Hop does a bunch of coke and bangs his bartender. That’s really all this is.

Warnings: Alcohol & Drug Abuse, Car Sex, Hop Is Riding The Hot Mess Express. 18+ only, no minors.

A/N: I wrote this a thousand years ago but I just rewatched Black Widow and my David Harbour/Hop Daddy problem has returned in full force. Dividers by @firefly-graphics.

Hopper’s at the bar again. Not The Hideaway—the other one. The Hideaway is a cop bar. Not strictly a cop bar, mind you, but it’s where the Good Guys go to drown their sorrows. On the other side of this very small town sits Harley’s: the haunt of the Bad People who don’t want to be seen doing whatever it is that they’re doing. If there were train tracks in Hawkins, Harley’s would be on the wrong side of them.

The first time Hawkins’ new Chief of Police walked into the bar everyone in the place tensed up. The regulars were ready to fight or flee, but the Chief spoke to no one, got shitfaced by himself in the corner, and after a few hours worth of Schlitz and well whiskey, he made his way to the parking lot to vomit in a trashcan—unassumingly, and with dignity, like a Real Fucking Man. There is an unspoken code: what goes on at Harley’s stays at Harley’s. And so Jim Hopper was Bad Cop by night and Good Cop by day, and it suited everyone just fine.

Hopper has to count the days on his fingers but his original estimate was correct: today marks two weeks straight of drowning the end of his days in Harley’s liquor. He knows this is no longer a normal and reasonable response to his grief. He knows he’s spiraling out of control again and he should clean up and dry out. He has no delusions about the damage he is doing to himself but self-awareness isn’t nearly enough to make him stop—not anymore.

To put it plainly, it all just hurts too much.

Part of the reason Hop moved back to Hawkins was to get his shit together, but it’s been a few months now and things have gone from bad to worse. He’s on the verge of forgetting what it’s like to be a fully functional person—responsible, one of the Good Guys. And what’s worse is that it’s almost liberating to care about nothing and no one, including (and perhaps especially) himself.

His hand is shaking, hidden in his coat pocket. He needs a drink and soon. He takes a seat at the bar and nods at the bartender. She knows the drill: Schlitz and whiskey, and keep em comin.

Jill is working tonight. He’s always liked Jill, ever since she was a gangly kid sniffing around his crew back in the day—when they were the Gods of Hawkins High, untouchable, and nothing bad was ever going to happen to them. Hop was always nice to her then but she was far too young to be hanging around. He’d told her so on more than one occasion and she eventually she got the hint. After graduation he didn’t see her for years until a few months ago, when he walked into Harley’s for the first time and saw her slinging drinks for the town trash. She’d smiled at him, and poured him a whiskey with a beer back before he’d even reached the bar.

“Evenin, Chief,” she says. “Beer or whiskey or both?”

Hopper smiles back at her. “You know.”

Jill grabs a can of Schlitz from the icebox and slides it down the bar with a smile. While she’s pouring Hopper’s whiskey, she wonders if she can get him in the sack tonight. Hop’s been flirting with her for the past few days, which is a nice change from the silent, brooding drunky thing he was doing for a while. She can’t really blame him, though. She’d heard what happened back in Indianapolis. Everyone had. Something like that in a town this small? The poor guy brought all of it with him. He never really had a chance.

Tonight he’s acting different. Not as world-weary somehow. In the periphery she sees him pop a Dexedrine. It’s not the first time she’s caught him medicating himself on the sly but Jill doesn’t judge. She’s no stranger to that particular variety of self-help. At this very moment she’s got a vial of coke burning a hole in the back pocket of her jeans. It’s 9:30 and she’s already dying for a taste, but it’s not a problem yet—not really. She tells herself she only uses on worknights to make it through till close.

She almost believes it, too.

Jill hands Hopper his whiskey and leans over the bar. She adjusts herself just so to make sure her moneymakers are on display. She knows her angles. She knows what the people want. She also knows he’ll look, and he does.

“This round’s on me, Chief.”

“You don’t have to do that.” His voice is especially rough today, like he’s been yelling. Jill wonders what he looks like when he’s that kind of angry.

“A small thank you from the community,” she says, “for all the servin’ and protectin’ you do.”

“Just doing my job,” he says. “But thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

“You wouldn’t by any chance be trying to butter me up, would you Jill? Maybe because that liquor license of yours expired three months ago?”

“It’s not my liquor license. I don’t own this dump.”

“Well how bout you tell the boss man to get on it, alright? I can put it off, but only for so long.”

“So,” she says, “you’re a cop tonight?”

“I’m always a cop, just not always a good one.”

She laughs and says, “give a holler when you’re empty,” and then she walks away.

Her hips are swaying probably more than they should be but Jill doesn’t care about putting on a show for the Chief. She’s already got a reputation—one she earned a long time ago—and even though she hasn’t been laid in months, in Hawkins that kind of thing never really goes away. Jill Lambert, Town Tramp. She accepts it because she doesn’t have the cash to move somewhere far away and reinvent herself, like Hopper did, or at least tried to do.

She wasn’t always a bad girl. She used to be awkward and too tall for her age and flat as a board on both sides. She looks down the bar at Hopper and remembers how it felt to watch him and his friends screwing around in the high school parking lot, the prettiest girls on their arms, on their way to some party or bonfire or other Cool Kid Thing that she would never be invited to. Back then it seemed like there was a lifetime between middle school and high school but now the five-year difference between them seems like nothing. They are both past their prime. Numbers are irrelevant.

He’s almost empty and that was quick even for him. She approaches with a refill. She doesn’t need to be asked.

She’s not unattractive, he thinks, just not in mint condition. Jill is worn and used—like an old leather couch—and she looks much older than she is. It’s not a nice thing to think about a woman and he’d never say it out loud but it’s true. The bad red dye-job, the overdone makeup, thin but in that drugged-out way—it’s not a look that anyone can pull off but she owns it in a way that’s attractive to him. At the very least, it’s honest. And no offense to her but right now just about any hole will do. During the course of his first round of drinks Hopper has decided that, in addition to flushing it out with booze, on this particular evening he wants to fuck his pain away. It’s Wednesday—the almost almost weekend—and he feels like tying one on and seeing what happens next.

He knows that Jill will most likely fuck him if he asks. At the very least, she’ll blow him. On the off chance that she’s not interested, Hopper is confident he can find someone to get him off. It certainly hasn’t been a problem for him so far. Every couple of weeks he gets that urge and finds a warm, wet place to stay a while. Then he moves on— sometimes after a couple of times, but it’s mostly one-night stands. Hopper knows that leaving a trail of angry women in a small town is probably not the brightest idea but it’s Hawkins and he’s the goddamn chief of police. If he wants to fuck the entire town, it’s his town to fuck.

He’s Jim Fucking Hopper and he’s the fucking man.

Jill says, “Here you go, Chief,” and puts a fresh beer and double whiskey on the bar in front of him.

“Thanks, doll.”

She smiles wide. He thinks to himself that she has distractingly great tits and tries to listen while she’s talking but it’s harder than it should be. He’s not that drunk. Not yet.

“So,” she says, “how is it being back in Hawkins? I thought you were smarter than to come back to this shit heap.”

“I wasn’t planning on it but, you know, life…” He trails off and takes a monster swig of his beer, then he lights a cigarette. “You’re lookin’ real good these days, Jill. You doing that Jazzercise shit or something?”

“More like ‘or something.’”

Hopper knows it’s the coke that keeps her trim but he wants her to know that he’s looking. He also wants her to know that he knows she keeps a stash at work. He’s not trying to bust her for it; he just wants a taste. The pills aren’t hitting him like they used to and he wants to feel alive tonight. He also can’t get the thought of snorting coke off her tits out of his head, so he may as well just go for it.

He blows a cloud of smoke into the air.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, Chief.”

She knows exactly what he’s talking about: he wants some. At the very least, he wants her drugs, but she thinks he might want something more.

“C’mon, Jill.”

“What?”

“You know what.”

“Can’t say that I do, Chief.”

Suddenly he’s all business.

“Don’t play fuckin coy with me. The coke in your pocket. Now.”

She has a moment of sheer panic, thinking that maybe she has completely misinterpreted this situation. Her whole body is tense and still and he just watches her, with no discernible emotion on his face. She shoves her hand in her back pocket and closes it around the vial and when she drops it in his open palm he smirks at her. It’s a look that screams authority—he is in control here and she’s ready to do whatever he tells her to do.

“What happens now?” she whispers.

“That is entirely dependent on you,” he says, and then he smiles so big it scrunches up his whole face. “You gonna share?”

She exhales the breath she didn’t know she was holding. “You’re an asshole, Hopper.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Give me a fuckin heart attack, why don’t you?”

He chuckles and it’s endearing even though she’s still kind of pissed. He’s wearing a full-face smirk. She has no idea how he does that but it’s really fucking hot.

“I’m just fucking with you, Jill.”

He makes his way down off the stool, half drunk and clumsy, and for a minute it seems he might lose his balance. He recovers with some grace before he downs the rest of his whiskey—a little too much for one glug, she thinks, but it doesn’t show on his face. Even drunk as shit, he’s a pretty smooth operator, and now that she can see his ass testing the limits of the fabric of his pants, Jill is feeling him everywhere. She’s ready to do whatever it is Chief Jim Hopper tells her to do.

“Bathroom,” he says. “Two minutes.” He taps the face of his watch twice. “Starting now.”

He walks away and she doesn’t even try not to stare. When the bathroom door closes behind him she whispers a quiet “fuck.” This whole thing seems like the kind of scenario she would think up in the early morning hours, in bed but too fucked up to sleep. The current situation isn’t far from some of the fantasies she’s had about Hopper: the kinky shit with the handcuffs and the roleplay, where she’s been a bad girl and she needs the Chief’s particular brand of punishment.

She scans the room and makes sure to top off everyone who needs it before she heads to the bathroom.

“You’re late,” he says, and then he grabs her hips and backs her into the wall.

He presses his wide body against hers. He’s like a wall of man and she couldn’t move if she wanted to. She doesn’t, though. Not at all, and when he tugs her shirt and bra down and buries his face between her tits she lets out a moan that’s just a bit too loud. He looks up at her and presses a finger to her lips.

“Quiet,” he whispers, and then he takes out the vial.

He examines her breasts and picks his favorite, holding it just hard enough in his hand as he taps out a small mountain of blow. His scruff is rough against her nipple as he dives in nose first and then licks her skin clean. He’s being careless with her stash but she doesn’t care that half of it ends up on the floor because Hopper looks good when he’s messy. He’s lightly powdered from the nose down and he’s sweating out liquor and he’s gone almost completely red in the face. Despite all of it, or maybe because of it, he’s the most attractive man that’s ever laid hands on her. He’s definitely the sloppiest, dirtiest, most unhinged piece of ass she has ever had, but fuck if she can deny him one bit of what he wants, which is, apparently, everything.

“Turn around,” he says, and when she does he starts to grind against her.

She watches him in the mirror as he taps a bump into his palm and presents it to her.

“Your turn,” he says. “Go on.”

He doesn’t have to tell her twice. She snorts hard and licks up the rest. They watch each other in the mirror, and when she starts sucking his fingers into her mouth he closes his eyes and curses. He’s half hard against her now and she reaches around to palm him through his pants. He’s as thick as one would expect him to be and she lets out a little giggle because of course he’s got a big one.

“Find something you like?” he asks.

She releases his fingers with a pop. “Yeah.”

“Meet me at my car in 5 minutes. I’m parked out back.”

“My break isn’t until 12.”

“Take it fucking early, Jill, Jesus.”

“Make it 10.” she says. She squeezes out from under him and pulls her shirt back up. “And wash your face. You’ve got about a kilo stuck in your beard.”

He laughs and smacks her on the ass. “Ten minutes, Jill.”

She leaves him to get cleaned up and as she walks back up to the bar she scans the room. If anyone noticed anything, they are minding their business. It’s the Harley’s way and she’s thankful for it.

Hopper leans against the Blazer and lights a second cigarette off his first one. He’d forgotten how much he fucking loves cocaine, which is something that should have stayed forgotten, but it’s too late now. That’s a problem for another time. The immediate problem is the small group of stoners smoking a joint in the woods behind the employee lot. He can hear them giggling like idiots and talking some hippie bullshit about the cosmos or whatever—kids, probably. He wants to run them off but he doesn’t exactly look his best and he’s still got half a chubby in his pants.

His problem-solving skills kick in, almost on autopilot. He opens the car door and turns on his red-and-blues. Within seconds he hears them cursing and scattering and he smiles wide. All in a day’s work, he thinks, and he grinds his cigarette out with his boot and lights another. Finally, some privacy.

Jill comes out right on time and Hopper doesn’t waste a moment getting her in the backseat. This is a quickie, after all. No need to complicate things by talking. She takes care of her top half while he peels her out of her jeans and thong and tosses them aside. She’s already got her hands and her mouth working his cock and it doesn’t take long before he’s more than ready.

“You got a rubber?” she asks.

He does, of course, because he’s an idiot but he’s not stupid, and he rolls it on quick as he can. He licks his fingers and tests her out and she’s more than good to go. She’s got her legs up to the ceiling and she’s begging him to fuck her quick and dirty but he enters her slowly because he’s a big boy and it’s just the kind thing to do. He may be an asshole but he’s not that kind of asshole. She reaches around and grabs two handfuls of his ass, pulling him into her, and when he’s all the way there she lets out a long, low moan.

It comes as a surprise to him that he wants to make her come, so instead of jackhammering into her until he blows, he slows down a bit and throws a little swerve into it. She’s been generous with him; he wants to return the favor. From the sound of her, it would appear to be working, and when she tells him “harder harder” he does what he’s told. She comes, furiously rubbing her clit and riding his cock from below and it’s loud enough to wake the dead but he doesn’t care. His animal brain has taken control and everything is tits and pussy and his thick cock sliding in and out of her. The Blazer is steamy and everything smells like sex and he’s grunting and humping like some sort of wild bear in the woods. He’s at the tipping point when he hears her say, “Fuck me, baby. Come on my face.”

He stops but stays inside her. “What?”

“I want you to come on me.”

“Jesus,” he says, but he pulls out and rips the condom off anyway.

She sits up and opens her mouth wide and he jerks himself the rest of the way with the tip of his cock on her tongue.

“Get ready,” he says, and she closes her eyes and sticks her tongue all the way out.

He pulls back an inch and aims at her tonsils and comes in three short spurts. The first one hits its mark and the other two stripe her face from cheek to chin. She swallows and licks her lips like she’s hungry for more. Hopper can’t hold himself up another second and he falls back on his heels, back resting against the door. He manages to find a napkin to give her to clean the rest of him off of her.

“Thanks,” she says. “That was… something.”

“It sure the hell was.”

Hopper can barely breathe or stand but he wants a fucking cigarette so he manages to get his pants back on. He spills out of the car before she’s even dressed. He apologizes for it, though, so it’s okay.

She crawls around the Blazer half-naked trying to find the bottom half of her clothing and once she gets herself together she joins him outside for a smoke. They puff away in silence but it’s not awkward. There’s simply nothing left to say. She takes one last drag and flicks her cigarette away.

“See you tomorrow, Chief,” she says, and she walks back inside.

Hopper knows before the door even closes behind her that he won’t be coming here tomorrow, or the next day, or any day after that. His days of drinking at Harley’s are over. It was fun while it lasted, but he’s ruined it like he ruins everything. He gets in the driver’s seat and he knows he’s too fucked up to drive but he turns the key in the ignition anyway, because who’s going to stop him? This is Hawkins. He’s Jim Fucking Hopper. No one in this town can touch him.

DEVIANCE PART 2 >>>

#chief jim hopper x ofc #jim hopper x ofc #jim hopper fanfiction #jim hopper smut #stranger things fanfiction #david harbour #deviance series #pick your poison

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deejadabbles · 3 years

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Vampire Atem/Yami Alphabet Headcanons

Found this list of vamp-themes headcanons by @an-annyeoing-writer and I knew I had to do them for our favorite king-turned-spirit!

For those of you who read my Spells of Defiance series, these headcanons can be taken as 100% canon to that AU <3

A - Accident - would they turn someone to save their life?

Oof, already starting with a hard one. So, Atem is one of those vampires who hates his existence, he believes it’s a curse. However, he does still love and care for people deeply, and he knows that for many, life is sacred even if it’s a cursed life. I think in a moment of weakness, especially in his earlier years as a vampire, he might turn someone just because he’s desperate not to lose them, only to regret his decision later, especially if that someone is like him and hates what they’ve become. We all make mistakes, right?

B - Bite - how do they bite? Sensually, aggressively? Do they make it hurt or try to be gentle?

Atem is extremely gentle when he feeds off of people, always careful not to bite too deep or tear the skin more than needed, he even holds you and tries to soothe you with gentle strokes of his hands. Now, whether he tries to make it “sensual” or at all sexual...that’s a complicated topic. While Atem is almost always disgusted with himself when/while he feeds, he does recognize that there is a level of intimacy and even romance that can be connected with drinking blood, so sometimes he can be persuaded to make it a more sensual thing if you’re his lover.

C - Control - do they take advantage of their powers?

That depends on who’s in the equation. I can see Atem using his new powers in order to bring justice to those he sees as wrong doers (like his season 0/early manga-self) as a way to make his vampire abilities useful, so from that angle he would “take advantage” of his powers. He might even get some small gratification in using his strength and speed to hunt down evil people, them cowering in fear is retribution for their wrong-doings, but even that’s not too over the top. Other than that, no, he doesn’t really use his powers for advantages over others.

D - Dangerous - how scary they can get? How bad things can they do? What’s their ethics?

So, while Atem does have a very strong moral code, Atem also has a temper, and said temper might be harder to control when he’s a vampire. Even when he’s not growling in anger, he can have this cold glare that could make bikers squeamish. There are moments, especially when he was a younger vampire, where he loses his temper and can get pretty scary. If you’re his loved one don’t worry too much, he would never lose control enough to hurt you, even though his yelling (and maybe throwing a thing or two) is pretty scary on it’s own. If you’re someone he sees a vermin though watch out, when he gets scary you’re probably going to end up dead or wishing you were dead.

E - Exchange - do they opt for blood bags or animal blood, if possible?

He opts for animal blood as often as he can. Sometimes he’ll hunt said animals himself but even that is a little too violent for his liking (Atem is a softie okay?!) so if he can go to a local butcher and get animal blood from them he’ll do it that way. He’s not fond of blood bags because A) they’re harder to acquire and B) having human blood in a cold plastic bag just makes him long for warm human blood and skin under his teeth more. Sure animal blood isn’t as sustaining for him, but Atem spent decades (maybe even centuries) figuring out how much animal blood he needs to consume in order to keep his blood lust under control so he’ll choose that over harming an innocent human.

Also, side note, if you live with him I hope you don’t have a sensitive sense of smell, because he heats up the blood on the stove to make it taste better and it can make the house stinky lol

F - First bite - on what occasion would they bite you for the first time?

Oooh that’s a good one. Like I said Atem has a very complicated relationship with feeding from his loved ones, especially his s/o, and he’s never going to ask you for your blood. So I’d say that not only would you have to offer your blood to him, but he would have to be out of other feeding options at the time. He knows that once he reaches a certain point of hunger he loses control and might kill you in a hunger-induced blood rage, so if drinking from you now, before he gets to that point, prevents that danger, he’d be willing to. Like I said above, Atem would be very gentle with you on that occasion, holding you close and stroking the skin around the bite mark to soothe any pain, and when he’s done he’d kiss the wound and the sore skin around it as amends.

The only other “first bite” scenario I can think of is if you spend months convincing him that you don’t mind (or even like) the occasional bite and finally convince him to drink your blood during an intimate moment, and again he’s very gentle and mindful of not hurting you.

G - Growl - are they more on the “civilized” side or do they enjoy hunting their prey down?

A bit of both, I guess? Since he tries not to drink from humans he’s more civilized in that way, but like I said before he does “hunt” evil people like an avenging dark angel, which he may get some small form of enjoyment from, so...

H - Hate - how do they feel about their kind? About themselves?

It’s honestly pretty depressing how much self-loathing Atem harbors. He genuinely thinks he’s an abomination. It doesn’t help that in all his centuries of living, he’s met very few vampires who’re “good” like him. He’s also someone who’s on a high horse and if he met a vamp who didn’t kill human’s but also wasn’t self loathing like him, he’d look down on said vampire. I’m warning you now if you fall in love with him, his self-hatred is very upsetting and can be hard to deal with.

I - Intimacy - how fast would they let you close to them? Would they want to share with you what they are?

Surprisingly, I say it’s not that hard. See, even though Atem thinks he’s a monster and tries his best to stay away from people, he also craves companionship and love. Sure, he’s spent several chunks of his immortal life isolating himself in remote woods and tall mountains for decades at a time, but he always returns to humanity at some point. So if you show that you want to be close to him he’ll try to warn you or even scare you away a bit, but it won’t take too long to let you in. And yes, he’d share what he is with you if you started to get close to him, not only as a means to scare you away “before he can hurt you” but also so you know what you’re getting into by being near him.

J - Joke - would they do pranks on other people with the use of their powers?

Sometimes, yes. If he’s close to you, he’ll start to get comfortable and like teasing you, so he’ll do minor things like sneak up behind you soundlessly and jump scare you, or zoom past you to get to something before you and play keep-away. Also, he doesn’t do this one intentionally, but sometimes he’ll be sitting in a dark room, and when you walk in you just suddenly hear this voice calling out to you in the darkness, scaring the crap outta you lol

K - Key - what’s the way of making them open up to you?

Honestly just...continue to shove your friendship in his face. Like I said under “intimacy” he still craves relationships and companionship despite how much he fears hurting people. He may try to push you away at first but if you just continue to hang around him he’ll eventually stop trying to scare you away and start opening up to you little by little.

L - Life - do they wish they were human?

Absolutely. I can see Atem, ever the fixer of problems, spending the first few hundred years searching for a cure for his “condition” not just for himself but for others who view vampires the same way. He often thinks about what his life would have been if he hadn’t been turned, and daydreams about the possibility of becoming human again.

M - Murder - would they kill someone while feeding? Have they ever done so?

Atem has killed while feeding, yes, but not voluntarily. I’m going with the general lore that vampires, when starved too long, can't control their bloodlust and Atem has killed while in that state. When he wakes with a limp, lifeless body in his arms, he’s a devastated wreck. Hurting innocent people is literally his living nightmare and the idea that his bloodlust can turn him into an animal sickens him. He would spend decades learning how much blood he needs to consume and how often, in order to keep that bloodlust from taking control.

N - Nature - do they justify their doings? Do they consider them natural?

Atem, the self-loathing martyr of a fanged prince, considering his bloodlust natural? LMAOOOO No. No he doesn’t, nor does he ever justify his actions. In fact, he uses the terrible things he’s done to justify why he shouldn’t be loved or even alive.

O - Odd - do they have any specific hobbies or habits?

Our gentle dark prince still loves games and puzzles, I think he’d like modern brain teasers that keep his mind sharp and un-ironically loves the puzzle games printed on the back of sunday newspapers, even though they aren’t hard (for him anyway). If you got close to him and showed him games he never got to play bc they’re multiplayers he’d honestly love you. He’d win most of the time, let's be honest, especially things like Clue, but his expression is just so cute and excited when you play his favorites that you’d lose 1000 times over just to see it.

P - Pain - are they sadistic? Do they enjoy what they do?

Nope. I think you all have the idea by now but Atem is one of the most self-loathing and gentle vampires you’d meet....or at least he’s gentle with you. Other vampires who hurt people for fun? Okay, I can see him being ever so slightly sadistic when dealing with creatures like that, he has no mercy for vampires who’ve embraced their monstrous curse, best you run the other way when he punishes them, else you may actually get a little frightened of him...

R - Roles - do they enjoy pretending to be normal people? How do they feel about leaving their life behind to start a new one?

I wouldn’t say that Atem pretends to be normal, in fact, the only part of his vampirism that he embraces is being an “other”, or rather, the aesthetic of being odd, something that most humans feel uneasy when confronted with. He’d see this as a good tool to keep people he may hurt away from him. He’s no stranger to stalking graveyards/cemeteries, creeping in the shadows in a way that has others scurrying past if they happen to spot him, basically anything that makes him seem creepy and makes others keep their distance. Ultimately it hurts him since he’s unexplainably lonely, but it hurts more to know he may hurt the humans he comes across. On the same note, leaving behind one life for another to avoid suspicion is a double-edged sword for him, while it reminds him how terribly lonely existence is, it’s good to keep those who might’ve grown close to him safe.

S - Scars - do they leave marks or try to make the wounds small and invisible?

If Atem feeds from someone voluntarily (as in, not in an animalistic state), he’ll do everything he can to not leave lasting marks. Leaving marks means more pain and we all know how much he hates causing pain to others.

T - Turned - how were they turned?

In my fic, Marik turned Atem as a form of revenge, but otherwise, I could honestly see Atem being turned by any YGO villain. I say villain because him being cursed with this life by a villain (like Bakura for example, or maybe another minion of Zorc) kind of goes along with the original story’s need to punish Atem and cast him into darkness for things that ultimately weren’t his fault.

U - Universe - what’s their biggest wish that they can’t achieve as immortals?

Mostly just...being close to people without constantly worrying that he’ll hurt or kill them. I can also see Atem yeaning for the simple pleasure of growing old and dying with one's family. If he fell in love he would crave the ability to just settle down and grow old together. Hell, he’s even one of those morbid romantics who thinks couples dying within days of each other is sweet and wishes he could do that when he loses his lover to old age.

V - Vampire - would they turn you?

Man again with the hard ones! Oof, okay, so...If you asked Atem to turn you, he’d say no, reciting his monologue about how vampires are cursed vermin who shouldn’t even exist, even if you retained your humanity after the turn, he knows the deep reaches of this curse and what it will make you do, and he hates the idea of you going through what he has.

...However, much like in the very first headcanon on this list...Atem makes mistakes and has his weak moments. If your life ended unexpectedly, of you were taken from him suddenly, like attacked or in some fatal accident, he may turn you in a moment of weakness; a desperate need to cling to you taking over his better judgment. He’d hate himself after and the only way he’d ever feel okay with it, is if time proved that you retained your humanity. He would teach you how to control your blood lust so you don’t have to go through half the things he has, and only then would he be okay with what he did to you in his moment of weakness.

W - War - would they engage in fighting their own kind for the humanity’s sake?

Yes! No one even has to ask him, Atem basically thinks the only good thing he can do with his powers is to rid the world of other vampires. He’s basically an avenging angel who’ll hunt down any vampire who threatens a human.

Y - Yandere - would they become dangerous to you (their lover)?

For the most part, I’d say no. Atem is self-aware and emotionally intelligent enough to tell if he ever starts crossing lines into “unhealthy” territory, and if that ever happened, he’d literally run away. He would leave you in order to protect you, no matter how much it hurt. There may be one (literally ONE) incident where he does something to you that crosses the line, but he’d be instantly horrified and remove himself from your life, moving to the other side of the world with no means to follow him, if it meant protecting you from himself. Now the chances of this happening in the first place? Hard to say. I really don’t think Atem is unhinged or even violent enough for it to be likely, but, an argument could be made that after everything he’s gone through, Atem may start seeing you and his love for you in an obsessives, unhealthy way. Again though, even if this did happen he would realize it and run away before it can go too far.

Z - Zombie - are they on their way to losing sanity?

I don’t think so. Atem is as strong (mentally/emotionally) as they come. Maybe eventually, after millennia and millennia of constantly losing loved ones and dealing the the monster he’s become he would start losing his sanity, but that would take a long, long time.

#atem #yami yugi #atem x reader #yami x reader #pharaoh atem #yami yugi x reader #yugioh x reader #vampire au #vampire Atem #vampire yami #ygo #headcanons #atem headcanons #yami headcanons

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stardew-saloon · 3 years

Note

can I request maru seb bonding momence?

Yes !! Seb and Maru’s relationship is honestly really interesting to me because like. Maru mentions Seb a few times but Sebby rarely talks about her. So it gives me the vibe of Maru trying to reach out but Seb not wanting to talk to her.

Here’s some headcanons for them :) it’s mostly just like. How they started to be more okay with each other and eventually become good siblings.

There’s like . Minor sambastian and Maru/Penny but you can probably ignore it smh. But I will be sad that u ignored sambastian just remember that ok

(Also side note im sosososos sorry i haven’t been active at all, I’ve been so busy with school and Life Stuff and it’s so incredibly hard to get stuff out. Im hyperfixating on something else and it’s just ,, really hard to focus on other things yknow? Anyways thank u for being patient ily mwah)

Seb + Maru Bonding

The first time Maru tries to reach out to Seb, she’s immediately shut down. She had a new invention that required a little bit of coding to make the program work properly, so she went to Sebastian, trying to see if he could help.

Sebastian tells her to figure it out herself. The conversation ends after that, with Maru feeling disheartened and upset.

But she’s determined! She doesn’t want to get Robin or Demetrius involved because then they’ll force him to hang out with her and she doesn’t want that. Maru knows how anxious and out of place Sebastian feels whenever Robin and Demetrius try to bring the family together, so she wants to do this on her own.

The next time she reaches out, it’s a rainy day. There’s thunder and lightning. Normally, Maru would stay inside and tinker with her newest project, but Seb was outside today. She saw it as another opportunity.

Maru puts her coat and rain boots on before she meets Sebastian outside, not minding the smell of cigarettes that followed him. When he sees her, he turns away, like he’s trying to pretend she’s not there.

He turns back immediately when she asks him how to catch frogs. Sebastian’s confused, since he doesn’t get why Maru is talking to him. Maru is the perfect kid, and he’s not. It’s like he’s out of her league.

Regardless, Sebastian shows her how. Maru treasures the small smile on his face when they manage to get a frog. Maru suggests naming it Bedelia, which Sebastian agrees to immediately. They spend more time together in the rain, talking about frogs and how to care for them. Sebastian’s done his research, since he wants a terrarium, but the basement is too stuffy. A frog would stink up the place.

So, Maru offers to get a terrarium in her room. She has multiple windows and good ventilation, so it would be no problem. They run back home, frog in hand, both feeling like the little kids again as they beg Robin to keep the frog and get a terrarium. Normally, she would say no, but..

Sebastian hadn’t ever looked so excited. He lost the spark in his eye after his father died, and now, Robin saw it again. She saw the same kid he was a few years ago.

So she agrees to buy a tank from Wally. It’s in the house that very day with little assembly required. They’re both super excited over it, but Seb tries to hide it. He can’t let Maru know that he doesn’t hate being around her! That would be awful!

They bond over Bedelia the Frog. Robin is happy that he’s not cooped up in his room all day, instead choosing to spend time with Bedelia (and Maru, too, but he gets defensive when she suggests that the siblings were hanging out.)

And the coding that Maru needed before? He teaches her how to do it! Sebastian says it’s so that she doesn’t bother him about it again, but Maru thinks otherwise. He looked so happy when he was talking about how to do it, so she asked tons of questions, even if it was something she already understood.

It was the first time they’d ever spent time together without one getting annoyed with the other. After Bedelia came around, they spent more time together. Maru opened up about her feelings towards her best friend Penny, and Sebastian shared that it must run in the family to crush on best friends. She connects the dots and realizes that he’s talking about Sam!

Maru is happy that she’s not so alone anymore. It’s not like her dad can scare away Sebastian like he did all of her other friends. It’s hard for Seb to open up to her after hating her for so long, but Maru is patient with him and tries to understand where he’s coming from.

Eventually, they’re practically best friends! They take care of Bedelia together, and then they care for her entire froggy family! Robin is ecstatic that they’re so close, especially after being distant for their entire childhood.

Umm y’all know I’m bad at ending things so uh . That’s all ! Once again im sorry for the long delay. I’ve been trying to stay consistent but I’m really struggling man :’) im in the middle of a hyperfixation on Danganronpa so it’s a little hard to write for other things. But I hope this is good !!

Bye bye love y’all :) if today is your birthday then happy birthday!!!!

#sdv #stardew valley #sebastian sdv #maru sdv #sdv headcanons #stardew valley headcanon #sebastian stardew valley #maru stardew valley #i got the name Bedelia from hannibal just in case anyone wants to know LMAO

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aroaceleovaldez · 3 years

Note

Hey, so about the new nico book, Mark also works as a sensitive reader and if you go on his website (markoshiro . com / sensitivity-reads) this is the areas they offer to work on :

• "Race/racism, specifically along lines of Latinx culture.

• Adoption, particularly the transracial adoption experience

• Queer/gay identities, and their experiences

• Being nonbinary, especially from the perspective of someone coming into this identity as an adult

• Homelessness, both as a teen and an adult

• Poverty

• Mental illness, specifically PTSD, trauma, depression, and anxiety.

• Addiction, more specifically alcoholism.

• Abuse, both intimate partner abuse and child abuse."

Looking on his socials medias Mark also doesn't mention anything about being neurodivergent

My guess is that along with the LGBT stuff Rick also plans to focus in the mental illness part, since he already touched that on the TOA books.

Nico being autistic-coded was probably not on purpose on Rick's part and Mark doesn't seem to write about neurodivergence, so that will either stay the same that it is or it will disappear bc they might change Nico's personality a little bit to better fit the themes that they want to work on

(sorry this got so long, btw)

Thanks so much for the list! I really appreciate it.

I’m glad there’ll be a focus on Nico’s grappling with mental illness, but I really hope Nico and Will being adhd/dyslexic at the very least doesn’t get lost, especially since demigods being adhd/dyslexic was so core to the original series. I really dislike recent attitudes in media of having to “trade” one representation at the cost of another - Nico being neurodivergent, mentally ill, and queer are all equally critical to his character and it sucks that some of that might get obscured.

I’m sure the book will be alright, but it’s really sad they might just change Nico’s character all together to fit the themes they wanna focus on. At that point you might as well just make a new character to right about. Either that or we might get saddled with really out of place random spurts of stereotypes and bad tropes. :(

I do think Nico’s coding as autistic was at least somewhat purposeful, given there was a pattern to Rick including discussion of learning disabilities early in the first series and those traits are consistent in Nico’s writing throughout the series. Hopefully Rick can at least guide some key notes of Nico’s neurodivergence if they’re really writing the book together and it’s not just Rick leaving Oshiro to do 90% of the work and then just read it over at the end and make minor adjustments to overall plot.

#long post #pjo #percy jackson #nico di angelo #rick riordan #mark oshiro #riordanverse #ask #anonymous #DEEPEST SIGH #autistic nico #adhd #autism

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oftenderweapons · 3 years

Text

Dirty ABCs | Seokjin and Angel

Grab your water because this is getting thirsty!

Pairing: Seokjin x reader/OC (Angel)

Wordcount: 2.3k

Genre: headcanons, smut, fluff

Rating: 18+, minors dni

Trigger warnings: Cockwarming, Cumshots (face, mouth, chest), Creampie, Cumeating, Bondage, Saint Andrew‘s Cross, Impact play, Nipple and clit spanking, Riding crop, Objectification, Body tray (using body as a food tray), Submission (slave) and domination, Discipline and punishment, Deegradation, Pinning, Masturbation, Oral sex, Sex toys (vibrator, nipple pumps, clamps, wrist restraints, cockrings). Mentions of threesome, mild exhibitionism and teasing in public.

Edited by Goddess Almighty, Queen Of My Heart, @joheunsaram, this is all for you, muffin 😘🥰

Here’s my masterlist

Enjoy 💜✨

Aftercare: For Seokjin, aftercare is mostly a way for him to calm down and for Angel to take care of him emotionally. Angel is usually okay after a scene as long as Seokjin isn’t feeling guilty or dirty or distant. So it’s mostly her performing aftercare on him, while he prefers staying on the receiving end, getting his body scrubbed and his hair washed, or being fed while being held. He really likes being hugged while talking. He’s also into cockwarming after sex, since he feels like he’s being protected and that he’s reconnecting with his vanilla side.

Body part: TITS. Jin loves the entirety of Angel, but he has a thing for her chest. And her face. She’s so beautiful, and so clean-faced. He loves being the only one who sees her pretty face crumble in pleasure when she cums for him. Now, Angel loves Seokjin’s hands and lips. He loves watching his lips kiss and suck at any part of her body.

Cum: Seokjin loves to cum inside Angel’s mouth. When he’s feeling especially naughty, he wants to cum on her face, then get inside her and see her ecstatic expression covered in his semen as he coaxes an orgasm out of her. Angel likes cumming on his cock, mostly because of how whiny he gets when she squeezes him with her cunt; plus, once she discovers she can cum without him touching her clit, just ramming inside her, she decides that’s her new favourite way to orgasm.

Dirty secret: Seokjin wants to tie Angel up to a Saint Andrew’s Cross and use a riding crop to spank her clit and nipples. Of course he has plans to make that happen, he just needs to figure out a couple more details. Like whether he should buy a cross and then turn it into… a coffee-table? Angel wants Seokjin to use her body as a food tray, ignoring her entirely while he eats, only to turn her around and fuck her against the table once he’s done. She wants to be treated like a slave just once. Just to try.

Experience: Jin has had a couple of partners before Angel, but he never went that far. He’s always been a freak, but way too restrained to try things out. Only with Angel he realised he could get what he wanted without feeling like he was disrespecting his partner. Angel has had maybe two partners. Maybe just one — the guy who cheated on her with a girl they had a threesome with. He was a freak through and through, and it only felt natural for Angel to join him, but she’s always been a bit of a freak — and she has always known that.

Favourite position: MIS-SIO-NA-RY. For both of them. A soft go-to for romantic sex and a hard and fast jackhammering. Though there is some debate on cowgirl — especially once Seokjin starts shoving Angel on his cock.

Goofy: these two can be major goofs when having sex. It’s pretty common for them to start laughing when something is extremely out of character, but they have a special look they exchange to make sure that laughing is okay at that moment. Such an agreement came after the mood was ruined by inappropriate cackling, so they found a way to look for the other’s permission. Once one of them starts laughing, the other one follows suit. After releasing tension by chuckling, the sex turns very playful, the best expression of Angel and Seokjin’s genuine friendship and companionship.

Hair: Seokjin keeps things neat, but he doesn’t put too much effort on that. He prefers staying as natural as possible, with some trimming when the situation gets out of hand. Angel trims her hair short, she has a specific electric razor to make sure it doesn’t get long but also so she can shave comfortably and safely.

Intimacy: Seokjin aims at intimacy mostly during aftercare, when he needs to feel Angel extra close and loving. Also, on romantic nights. Sometimes he just needs to go vanilla-galore all over her, and spoil her and just… treat her like a goddess. During soft lovemaking, these two just say ‘I love you’ a lot. Most of their intimacy is unspoken and really physical rather than verbal.

Jack off: Well, there are cases where it’s strictly necessary. Though Angel does it a bit more than Jin, he still is a pro at it. He actually prefers when she’s around to do it for him, or can “assist”. He just wants to cum on her tits or her mouth. Or her face. Angel just uses toys when Seokjin is away. Or sometimes when he’s around but is feeling lazy and is not in the mood and she needs to get laid: she simply picks up her small, efficient vibrator and gets stuff done. Though sometimes Seokjin changes his mind…

Kink: Ooh… Seokjin is learning how to actually dominate. However, he already knows a couple things, like punishments, discipline, degradation and impact play. He sorts of assumes he’s into restraints too, but he’s still trying to figure that out. Angel truly enjoys power dynamics, and she absolutely adores subbing for Seokjin, especially since her ex never had the kind of authority that Jin can muster and impose on her so easily. She likes being pinned and degraded by Seokjin. She finds it extremely exciting when he grabs her and uses her a little, when he doesn’t give her a chance to fight back. She likes feeling overwhelmed by him, like she’s finally unraveling him from that polished outside that he curates so expertly. She loves being the only one that gets to feel the beastly part of him on her own body. Truth is, she’s even more proud of being the one who lets him liberate himself and finally embrace his true passion and pleasure.

Location: Their home because Seokjin is shy. But as long as there’s a flat surface and a lock on the door, he’s game. Actually — the flat surface is not truly necessary. Just wait and see. Anyway, Seokjin is super glad that Angel is almost always ready when he wants to get dirty. Most of the time he’s the one dictating when and where, and Angel is entirely okay with that. Saturday night in their apartment is code for “do not disturb, we’re smashing. Maybe across the kitchen floor so absolutely do not enter”. If they’re out in public, there’s a very low chance of Angel teasing him. If she does, she’s very subtle, and in a rather private public place. Think of a hand on his thigh while he’s driving with her somewhere. Blowing him in the bathroom of a rooftop restaurant.

Motivation: The easiest way for Seokjin to get horny is seeing Angel showing off her boobs. If she's going around the house in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts (no bra), consider her busy for the next two hours minimum. She's most definitely trying to get fucked. Sometimes she might even forgo the shirt too. Seokjin can't stand her being stressed, because of her being moody and hard to deal with, he'd much rather get some dopamine and oxytocin running through her by fucking her against the kitchen table. Especially if she's being exceedingly argumentative. However, if she's truly stressed and tired, then expect him to take the lead and try to relax her as… as deep as he can. Angel's greatest weakness is watching Jin doing the housekeeping. Cooking is excellent for sex on the counter. The laundry is freaking amazing for sex on the washing machine — even better if the machine is running. But the absolute best is when he's using the mop for the floors and she can drop her clothes and scold him for not cleaning properly. It always drives him mad and subsequently leads to Angel getting fucked exactly the way she wants.

No: Third parties in the room. Angel absolutely doesn't want to share. It's mostly due to her past experiences rather than Seokjin himself. That's her only strong no. Seokjin supports her fully and he has no interest in adding anyone to their mix. Angel is more than enough to deal with. Jin has a couple hard No’s, mostly linked with Angel teasing him in public, but also her flirting with other people. She’s rather cheeky and he gets a bit mad when she gets too comfortable with his friends. On more sexual terms, he’s still exploring; however, he already knows he’s not okay with anything considered strictly hardcore.

Oral: sloppy, hungry, fast. That's the way Seokjin wants it done. Yes he's fucking hung, but he doesn't care how much Angel takes in her mouth (throat, actually), he rewards the enthusiasm. He appreciates plenty of sucking, and encourages Angel in pumping his balls in her mouth. Angel goes insane with oral sex. I mean, have you seen his mouth? Meow, purrfect. He can make a kitty purr for sure. Angel's most definitely.

Pace: The fastest, the furiousest. This man is a fucking train. He won't stop. Till he's broken Angel through and through. Though some slow rolling of hips is used to tease and arouse and torture, and eventually to please on calmer, sweeter nights. Nevertheless, they both prefer to go as hard as possible. If they don't break they're not done yet.

Quickie: strictly limited to emergencies, but they love them. They can't have casual quickies because they usually turn on multiple rounds and torture, so they must be on a schedule, like ten minutes left before one or both of them has an appointment or has to leave. Usually that happens with Angel bent over or pinned to the wall while Seokjin goes wild all over her.

Risk: Depends. Usually no. If Angel's been naughty enough, well, Seokjin can consider. It's mostly about restaurant bathrooms, car back seats, and some very mild inappropriate touching on lifts, think of Angel standing before him, discreetly rubbing her ass against his crotch. Oh, and one backstage storage room. Once. Never gonna happen ever again.

Stamina: if I had to rate it, I'd say 8/10 solid. The point is burning out, not burning steady. The goal is running out of energy, so they don't hold back, they do their thing for however long that takes. But Seokjin can most definitely handle multiple rounds. His record is probably four, but he doesn't like going there often. Foreplay and one or two rounds is more than enough for him

Toy: a big yes for Angel. For Seokjin too once he gets used to the idea of them. Angel likes vibrators, the more unusual the better. It needs to do something that a dick can’t do, so no dildos. A big yes for breast-toys (her boobies are hella sensitive). She’s also a fan of restraints (mostly hand ones but not exclusively) and impact toys. A big toy freak. Seokjin embraces her love for cockrings (especially vibrating ones).

Unfair: Seokjin? Yes. Very. Angel won’t get to cum unless he has tortured her for at least twenty minutes. Sometimes he sets a timer and edges her until it rings. Sometimes he keeps her tied up while he cums over her body — her chest especially. He likes reminding her consistently that he is superior to her as long as the scene is going. But once it’s over, he is quick to remind her she’s his partner, his equal, and anything that happened during the scene was just an act.

Volume: Angel is super quiet. She can exercise incredible volume control — and she is particularly encouraged to do so by the fact that Seokjin can be extremely shy about his moans and grunts, keeping them on the low. Especially when going vanilla, she really needs to pay attention to spot his little whines. At some point in their relationship, she admits she wouldn’t mind him controlling himself a bit less, vocally speaking, and from there on Seokjin gets gradually less shy, finally being the loud, messy man he is in his everyday life.

Wild card: Seokjin practices impact play on pillows when Angel is not at home. Mostly to make sure his game gets really safe and good before he uses any new toy on her. Once he learns how to use a riding crop, Angel can’t stop asking for it for weeks.

X-Ray: Girth? Considerable. Length? Excessive. The combo makes it impossible to take him without a stretch. He’s a grower. Angel’s power is all in her boobs. Her ass is on the flat side, but Seokjin wouldn’t have it any other way.

Yearning: Seokjin is the usual two-rounds-on-Saturday-night kind of dude when he first gets intimate with Angel, but mostly because he thinks that’s the way it’s supposed to be. He wants it a lot more. Once they start exploring, he feels free to ask for foreplay or sex pretty much whenever he wants to. Angel is up for daily masturbation/oral sex. They either end up going kinky on Saturday night, or doing the nasty mid-week and go for some fond, soft vanilla once Saturday night rolls in. Still, they’re not the kind to go two or three nights in a row: too exhausting.

Zzz: Angel gets sleepy during aftercare, but she tries to stay up as long as possible if Seokjin doesn’t feel okay. Sometimes he notices she’s sleepy and reassures her she can fall asleep, since the greatest comfort for him is knowing that no matter how cruel he was to her during playtime, she loves him and feels safe to sleep in his arms. Oh, and he’s clingy. He spoons.

#seokjin headcanons #seokjin scenario #kim seokjin x reader #seokjin smut #seokjin fluff #Seokjin imagine #seokjin x angel

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joonapeach · 3 years

Text

skylines (nj)

college!au, where namjoon openly chases you and you love running from those advances. that is, until everyone in your architecture department finds out you’re the daughter of the man behind the biggest architecture firm in the country.

alternatively... namjoon is a simp for you until he’s suddenly not

author’s note: sometimes i just wanna write for the fun of it and not take life so seriously so this is what i churned out. 8.8k words of some minor pining and mini character development for our oc because tbh, being a student sucks and you get so caught up in your insecurity sometimes

also reposted on ao3

[this is fluff and light-hearted, with a bit of a rivalry trope, 8.8k words]

You love skylines.

From when you were six years old with short legs, you remember craning your neck up high to see each building that surrounded you. At that age, the world seemed big and you seemed small but you loved it. You loved seeing the world build and function around you.

From then on outwards began your decades-long relationship with your first love - buildings.

Well, you called it buildings and your father called it architecture. You were the daughter of his dreams, his proclaimed legacy. What luck I have, he would say, that I have a daughter who will grow up to work beside me.

Growing up, those comments were your food for the day. You would eat up his encouragements and cheers throughout high school, serving him back your high grades on a gold platter.

This is the way you’ve worked through your past nineteen years. It’s a little basic, maybe, but you’ve operated on your father’s ambition for you.

But like all good things, even that seemed to come to an end. Since entering university and embarking on your path as an architecture major, the once comforting encouragement has slowly changed to a choking chain around you.

You’ve learnt a lot in two semesters at university. You’ve learnt how to finish assignments the night before, how to memorize historical names and dates minutes before an exam, you’ve learnt how fun it can be to be with your friends.

But most of all, you’ve learnt that… you’re not special.

You’re surrounded by overachievers, all like you, all perhaps better than you in some way. You’re the daughter of the man behind HN Architects, but some of your classmates look like they’re on their way to the top of the chain.

You always thought you deserved your seat, your privilege, because you’d worked for it. These days, it doesn’t seem much like that. And you worry that your father is thinking the very same thing.

Let’s finish this assignment, you sigh, there’s not much left. Let’s do it, you give yourself a pep talk, fighting back a yawn at the practically empty library before dawn.

Books crash down on your table, right beside you. You shake, being pulled so abruptly out of your reverie. Although maybe you should be thankful, for the sleep that was threatening your productivity seems to have run away from the sound.

“Excuse me,” you scoff loudly, making your presence known to the disturbance.

From above the tower of books on the desk, peeks out a familiar dimpled smile. His eyes glint with mischief and despite the early hours of the day, his face reads no exhaustion.

“You’re excused.”

You groan. “There’s an entire empty library, you can only sit here?”

“Studying is more fun with company,” he retorts with a grin.

“It’s studying. It’s not meant to be fun,” you reply, hostile. “Didn’t I tell you to stop showing up in front of me with no purpose?’

He smiles again, confidently with his eyes unmoving from you. It’s almost unnerving, how much you see Namjoon smile in front of you. Architecture students are not meant to be this happy. They aren’t meant to carry a warm smile everywhere they go, looking at people with such attentive intensity.

“I haven’t shown up without a purpose though,” he says. “I came to ask for help with the assignment.”

This time, you smile. But your smile is one of disbelief and amusement.

“Yes, that’s very believable, Namjoon,” you cock a brow. “You’re the one finishing assignments a week early and screwing up the curve for everyone but I’m sure I could help you with whatever you need.”

He grins, taking a seat next to you. “Hey, sometimes even I need help,” he replies but then pauses. “Ah, you’re right. I should’ve gone with coming to offer you help. That’s a lot more believable.”

“I don’t need your help,” you argue. “Stop showing up in front of me. And stop subtly flexing in front of me. It’s nauseating.”

He throws his head back and laughs. He looks so happy that it almost stirs a scary, fluttering feeling in your stomach. “You should be the last person to feel jealous of me, _____.”

You glare at him. “Yeah, because I’m the one who threatens your ranking?”

He shakes his head. “No, because I would help you with everything if you just asked.”

You still, for a moment. His words lull over in your head and they feel a bit weird. Your major is competitive and cut-throat, even if it doesn’t appear it. To you, Namjoon is your biggest rival, your biggest worry because you can never match up to him.

“Well, I’m not asking you for a thing. Is there really nothing you stress over?”

“No, there is. I just don’t cry over my textbook the nights before exams.”

“That was one time,” you mumble, infuriated. “And I had every right to be crying that night. It was the hardest exam that term and I have big shoes to fill. I can’t afford to be bothering people, like you,” you say with an intentional offense.

He takes none. “Big shoes? Who’s putting expectations on you?”

“Just some family. Stop being nosy,” you say swiftly. “And you didn’t even tell me. What do you stress over?”

He pauses, not giving a response for a moment. You wonder if it’s because there’s really nothing he stresses over. You wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. While you and your friends have all cracked under the pressure of your degree, you especially with the added burden of your father… Namjoon has not once shown signs of struggle. He walks through life with that smile every day.

“Finding work,” he says after a while.

“Huh?”

He meets your eyes. “You asked me what I worry about. I worry about finding work when I graduate,” he says sincerely.

You bite back a rude laugh. “Please, Namjoon. Get real,” you roll your eyes. “You really think you can worry about that? You were the top of our class all last year.”

You don’t do a good job of hiding your envy, but it’s beyond you to care at this point. You’ve become this person now. The one who seeks everything out of their number on the paper.

“But I don’t have any connections. I come from a village, practically, as you like to call it,” he says with a chuckle. It stings you a little, he’s referring to the time you and your friends had put him down out of jealousy with those words. But he doesn’t say it like it bothers him. He says it like it’s true.

“So?” you say, looking away from him and back on your sheet. “You don’t always need connections.”

“Not always, but a lot of the time,” he shrugs.

“Any company who takes a look at your record and speaks to you for five minutes would want you, Namjoon,” you exhale, knowing your words are 100% true. You think about your father, about HN Architects. Namjoon’s the kind of guy who your father wouldn’t think twice about hiring. He’s the epitome of someone who could fill any shoes you gave him.

You scoff bitterly. “Wait a second. Why am I comforting you right now? You’re a success story in the making,” you snap and he laughs, even though you didn’t intend it to be a joke. “You should be comforting me, you idiot. I don’t even know if I’ll have Mr. Labadee’s assignment done in time for submission!”

He puts his hands up. “Okay, okay, don’t worry. Why do you think I’m here?” he looks away, still smiling as he takes the pencil from your hand and moves closer to the sheet.

“What?” you say, watching the way his eyebrows furrow and his eyes scan the paper. He’s losing himself in the sheet now, and it feels like watching a prodigy at work. You picture this is what it would feel like to watch Bill Gates code on a computer before he formally started his career or watching The Beatles pen a song before they made it big.

“Hm?”

“Did you come here for me?” you ask and for a split second, you see his eyes shift. “Did Chae tell you I was here?”

He doesn’t respond, instead focusing on the assignment. “Your calculation is wrong here. Look,” he says, pointing at a section. As he explains your mistake, you smile satisfied.

He doesn’t need to admit it. You two have gone through this very situation so many times now, that you both know it’s true. Namjoon always comes for you.

You have kept your background, your family, extremely private since joining university.

In high school, you made the mistake of letting people know that you were the daughter of HN Architects. It resulted in years of people smooching up to you, gossiping behind your back, mean assumptions, and just a general nightmare.

That nightmare would only multiply if your friends here found out about it. They were all architect majors, all in the same cut-throat degree, and you came from privilege.

It scared you, knowing what could happen if they ever found out. You begged your family to make sure that nothing would tie you to them here, keeping your name different on the registrar, not publishing photos of you in the paper. You couldn’t risk all the friends and relationships you made. Even if they said things won’t change, you know they would. They always do.

“I need to sleep for 10 years,” you mumble, falling on your bed.

“Fuck this, I wish I was you right now,” Chae cries from her side of the room. “I’ve got one more submission.”

“I woke up at 4 to finish it so you should be fine,” you laugh, looking at her. “And did you send Namjoon to me?”

Chae fights a smile on her face. You sigh, knowing you’ve opened Pandora's box.

“He came to me asking about you last night. I told him you were sleeping, but you’d be at the library at 5 working on the assignment,” she smirks cheekily. “Why, did he come?” she asks, not hiding the overly inquisitive edge to her question.

You say nothing, deciding to turn on your laptop.

“He did!” she screams and your eyes widen, telling her to be quiet. “Sorry! I just can’t help it. That’s so sweet,” she squeals.

“Stop sending him after me. You’re encouraging him.”

“You’re encouraging him!” she counters. “You let him help you with your assignment, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but-”

“And you showed up at his dorm last week for notes, didn’t you?”

“Okay, but-”

“And you told him off for helping Eun like four days ago, remember?”

“Chae,” you stop her, sternly. “Have you lost your mind? Don’t you realize what all those things have in common?”

“They all are evidence of the fact that you reciprocate his year-long courtship?”

You roll your eyes. “No, idiot. All these things are work-related. I can’t afford to be falling behind, and I need his help.”

“Okay, but you were jealous of Eun-”

“I was annoyed that he was helping other people score higher! The last thing I need right now is the lazy kids of the class becoming my competition too,” you complain, grumbling.

Chae stares you down. “_____, not everything is about your degree,” she says light-heartedly, but you know your statement bothers her.

Exhaling, you shut your eyes. You hate it when conversations come to this. Sometimes, you wish you could just tell people which family you came from. Maybe it would do them good, to make them realize that yes, for you, everything is about your degree. Everything in your life revolves around being successful in this path.

You were cynical but at least you were real. You admitted things the way they were, when competition was competition, you said it, and when you needed something, you asked for it. That made it okay, you told yourself.

And when it comes to Namjoon… it’s especially okay. He’s both the only reason you’re hanging on okay in your degree, and the reason you feel insecure. You wonder how it can be that someone like him exists.

“Anyways, are you really gonna leave talking about Joon there?” Chae scoffs. “He’s liked you since we started. You really won’t do anything about it?”

“Namjoon is nothing but another classmate that stresses me out, Chae. I don’t see him that way. I just like his work ethic.”

Chae laughs. “You’re so skewed, honestly. Are you busy tomorrow?”

“Why, are you planning on ratting me out to him again?”

“No, silly,” she laughs, although you both know it’s likely she’d do it again. “Let’s go to the Autumn fair tomorrow. After I submit.”

“The fair? You mean those three stalls they set up and call it an event?”

She frowns. “Don’t be mean. Hobi and the others have really been working hard on it this year. It’ll be nicer than the last, I promise.”

“As long as there are at least 10 booths this year.”

“You’re too mean for your own good, _____,” she says, tsk-ing. “One day, you’ll see what it’s like to be on the other end.”

Your overactive imagination always paints a skyline for you, where there’s an empty space. You can always picture different styles of buildings, standing together, making a city.

It’s at times like those you realize that even if you wanted to give up, even if you tried to pursue something else, your heart will always come back to this. There is nothing more that belonged to you than this.

Even if it’d become difficult now, it didn’t matter. It became a source of worry more than an outlet of passion, but it’s still your calling. You can’t give up on something you love this much.

“Your toffee apple is dripping,” you hear his voice before you see him.

You want to turn and snap at him but the sticky toffee syrup that falls onto your fingers stops you.

“Ugh,” you groan, trying to fix it. Namjoon’s hand comes out with a tissue, quickly wiping your fingers without a word. Even after he’s done, the sticky feeling remains. “I should just throw this away.”

He laughs. “Let’s get candy corn.”

“No, thanks, I have to go find Chae and Yuna.”

Even though you step away, you hear his footsteps almost immediately behind you.

“What’s the rush?” he says, catching up beside you. When you two walk together like this, his tall figure towers over in a way that makes you feel small. “Shouldn’t you offer to buy me candy corn? Did you forget how I helped you at 5 in the morning two days ago for Professor Labadee’s class?”

“You chose to wake up at that time, not me,” you say, keeping your eyes trained ahead. You weren’t expecting much from this fair, but the students had done well. Bright fairy lights decorate the lamp posts around you and along the long path, dozens of stalls are set up. It all feels a little bit like a movie.

“As long as you got it done,” he says under his breath. You dare to take a glimpse of him and inhale sharply. He’s wearing his smile, he always is, but the fairy lights reflect on his face, illuminating him like an angel. Everything about him feels good.

You look away almost immediately. “Stop following me Namjoon,” you say, stopping at a trinkets stall and smiling at the girl behind the table.

“But I like seeing you outside of architecture things,” he grins confidently.

You opt to ignore him, asking the price of something that catches your eye.

He cranes his neck to see what it is. “Want me to get it for you?”

You quickly counter. “Absolutely not,” you say, handing over your money notes.

“You’re really buying an ornament of buildings?” he cocks a brow. “Don’t you want something like this instead?” he picks up a small snow globe, shaking it so the snow moves. The globe is miniscule to begin with, but you notice how in his hands, it looks almost tiny.

“What can I say? I like buildings.”

He smiles. “More than people, maybe.”

You sigh, ignoring his statement. Once you get the paper bag with your purchase inside, you keep walking ahead. You count to three before you hear his footsteps mimic yours.

“I’ll buy you candy corn, then you leave me alone,” you turn to say to him. “It’s not good that you’re always showing up where I am.”

He nods like an obedient puppy. Then he frowns and asks, “why is it not good?”

When you don’t respond, focusing on walking to the candy booth, he adds, “is it not good for you? Getting attached to me now?”

You don’t have to see his face to know he’s doing his goofy smile again. “It’s not good for you to keep going through these many rejections in a lifetime.”

He laughs, your words not bothering him the slightest. Standing in front of the candy booth, Jungkook and Jae, two of your architect classmates greet you.

“Hey Joon! Aw, you two hanging out again?” Jae smiles widely as if he’s in some big secret. You roll your eyes, not saying a word but pointing to the candy corn.

“_____ is treating me to candy corn. Isn’t she sweet?”

“I’m not treating you out of kindness, I’m doing it so you feel compensated for your efforts with my assignment.”

Jungkook and Jae share an amused look that you almost miss. Shuffling through your pocket, you start counting the money to give. As you hand over the money to Jae, Jungkook places a brown paper bag in Namjoon’s hands.

“You two enjoy yourselves,” Jungkook beams brightly.

You scoff. “Is there really such a thing as enjoyment when I have him on my tail?”

Without bidding them a proper goodbye, you walk away from the stall, leaving the three standing. Like clockwork, Namjoon is beside you again.

“Here,” he says, and suddenly the bag of candy corn is in your hands.

You raise a brow. “What are you giving this to me for? You were the one who wanted it.”

“You were eating a sad, overpriced toffee apple. This should be for you too.”

“Namjoon.” You give him a look, but he pays no mind.

Without saying anything more, you two walk together in silence. It didn’t intend to be this way, but it feels nice now. You feel good that you were dragged out of a cycle of the bedroom to the classroom to the library for once.

Of course, it’s weird that amidst all this, Namjoon is the one beside you. Usually, when you see him, your mind wanders to the place that curses him for being everything you wish you were. But tonight, you’re laying off those thoughts.

Staring at the crowd around the speakers, you two pause for a bit. You see Chae and Yuna, along with your other coursemates all together.

Still beside you, Namjoon speaks out of the blue. “Why don’t you call me Joon?”

“What do you mean? I didn’t realize I was required to,” you shrug at the random question. “I don’t know you like that.”

“Everyone in our class calls me Joon. Even your group member who I met that one time is calling me Joon,” he argues. “You know me better than all those people. If anything, you should be the only one.”

“What are you on about? I don’t know you at all,” you throw a blank look his way. “And don’t argue that we spend a lot of time together. You follow me around and show up where I am. That’s not spending time together.”

“We’re spending time together right now, aren’t we?”

“It’s a first. Don’t get used to it.”

He laughs as if your cold remarks are something affectionate. “I don’t think I really could get used to seeing you outside the library, _____. You’re there more than me and I’m always studying too.”

You scoff cynically. “Are you flexing your rank again on me?”

“_____, if I cared so much about my rank, I wouldn’t be helping you with work all the time,” he laughs, amused.

“I don’t know. Maybe helping me is all part of your plan to keep beating me,” you say. “Isn’t this just a power move? You always showing up to help me.”

He laughs again before his stare stills on you. His eyes are bright and sparkling… or is it just the effect of the stupid fairy lights? You can hardly tell.

Despite yourself, it all makes your stomach drop. You hate it when Namjoon shows up unannounced in your life, but more than that, you hate it when he gives you this kind of look. Like he can’t look anywhere else but at you.

“More than a power move, it’s just a gesture for you.”

The fluttering feeling worsens and you blink. You choose to say nothing, instead staring ahead at the view. “That is the ugliest building I’ve ever seen.”

For a second, he smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Eventually, he humors you. “It’s not all that bad.”

“In my professional opinion as a future architect, that is the exact type of building I would want to bulldoze.”

“Well, in my professional opinion as another future architect, I’d say your standards are far too high.”

“I’m allowed to keep my standards high. It’s me,” you smile with a glint in your eye.

He laughs, staring at you softly. “That I can agree with.”

You taunt him playfully. “You’re so predictable. Does it not get tiring hanging off my every word?”

He shakes his head loyally. “Absolutely not. I think everything you say is valuable and worth hanging off.”

“How lame,” you joke although you two share a smile. It’s true, he is a little predictable. But it’s Namjoon’s predictability that at times, catches you off guard. It’s fun, knowing that he’s two steps behind you wherever you are.

A warm feeling stirs in your body and you wonder if it’s the autumn air. Glancing up at Namjoon, the same air ruffles his hair endearingly and you tear yourself away from staring at it.

“I’m only gonna say it once so if there’s any word of mine you wanna hang off, it’s this,” you say before shoving the bag of candy corn back into his hands. “Power move or not, thanks for helping me. I really need it sometimes and I appreciate it.”

The grin on his face widens. “One more time, I didn’t hang off it enough!”

“I told you, only one time.”

“But the music was so loud, I couldn’t hear you well.”

“Too bad.”

“Come on, _____, take pity on me.”

“Shut up and eat your candy corn.”

You find yourself quickly back in your routine after the Autumn fair, working on new assignments and projects till your worst nightmare comes to life unexpectedly.

“Please be on time, _____!” Chae repeats to you for the fifth time that morning.

“Chae, I’ll be there. I’ll literally run from the design building to the auditorium, okay?”

She clicks her tongue at you. “Stop acting like you’re doing me a favor by showing up. You should be excited.”

“I am. But… I mean, do we really need this kind of random assembly for our architecture department?” you groan, slipping your laptop into its case. “Can’t they just give us the extra time to work on our homework?”

“But there’ll be companies there!” she retorts, wide-eyed and excited. “Just imagine. This is like those movies, where they come and scout students and then bam, life is sorted.”

You nod, forcing a smile. You remember your privilege, knowing your worry has never once been finding work but living up to the work that was set out for you. But you could never explain that here. How could you cry about the burden that kept you so troubled when it was a burden any one of your friends would happily want?

“Okay. I’ll see you there,” you settle for a wave, walking out to leave. You rush with your bag on your back to your classroom, immersed in your lesson till the hour finishes up.

For the moments after class finishes, your mind is blank. You’re going over your homework in your head, packing your things and your eyes widen. The meeting. You almost forgot.

True to your words, you actually do end up running from the design building to the auditorium. Sprinting from your class to the auditorium proves to be a harder workout than you anticipated and your heart can’t stop racing.

Stepping inside the auditorium, you jump into the first empty seat you see at the entrance.

“Where is she?” you mumble under your breath. Your eyes shift around the room, looking for a familiar head of short black hair. Catching sight of Chae, you wave to her but she doesn’t notice you at all. Instead, she’s busy talking to a group of students all from your year.

Everyone’s sat together, cozy and comfortable in a conversation together. You can even see Namjoon in the row above Chae, chatting energetically. Your heart strangely pangs.

Sometimes, seeing everyone like this, everyone from your major and year together, made you feel more like an outsider than anything. At first, you’d chalked it up to be because of your obsession with studying and academics… but students better than you, students like Namjoon and Mina, all seemed to be doing fine.

In the end, you realized it isn’t anything to do with that. You feel like an outsider because you are one. You’ve tried your hardest to blend in, but the fact remains that you feel alone in the problems you have. You’ve kept your identity as the daughter of HN Architects a secret, you’ve kept your family pressures a secret… Now you’re alone in the burden of your struggles.

Sometimes, you’ve thought about opening up. But the thought terrifies you even more.

If you felt so alone while keeping the truth of your ambitions a secret… there’d be no telling what kind of way your friends would treat you after finding out.

“We’re lucky enough to have… here’s a representative from Canvas Corp… looking for fresh talent… Yongchan Architecture…” you’re hardly paying attention to the speakers on stage till you finally hear, “and most fortunately, the chairman of HN Architects!”

Your head shoots up so fast that it almost flies off. No fucking way.

Your father is smiling on the stage, wearing a crisp suit and greeting the architecture department heads. Without realizing it, your body cowers back into your seat as you see his eyes scan the auditorium. He must be looking for you - his daughter.

His daughter that not a single soul in this room knew was you.

Your heart goes into panic mode before you try to calm yourself down. Relax, you mutter repeatedly to yourself although it’s less effective than you thought it’d be.

Your eyes dance between your father on stage and your group of friends with Chae sitting seats away from you. Neither of them have noticed you.

Instead, your classmates are all watching your father with starstruck eyes. They’re staring at your father like he’s their idol.

Well, objectively, maybe he could be. After all, you admire your father for the very same reason every architecture student does - your father is a legend. His company has one of the best reputations in the country, which feeds your pride, and he’s nothing short of a hard-working, inspiring man.

Namjoon, in particular, is staring at your father like he can’t believe his eyes. It’s a look you’ve never seen from him before. Like he’s both nervous and thinks he’s in a dream. It’s almost endearing.

“To celebrate having the chairman of HN Architects with us today, we’ll have him say a few words!” Mr. Lim, the head of the architecture department, announces enthusiastically into the mic. He turns to your father, “do you mind?”

“Not at all!” your father grins, taking the mic before starting. “It’s my pleasure to be here today! In fact, seeing all of you reminds me of my own days as an architecture student…”

He trails off into a long speech, excitedly. You’ve been witness to every single one of your father’s inspirational speeches since the day you were born so you fight back a yawn. On the contrary, your classmates look like they’re hanging onto every single word.

As your father paces across the stage, he inches towards your side. You blink in panic, bending down but before you know it, it’s too late. His eyes sparkle with joy.

You almost worry he’s gonna wave at you mid-speech. But he doesn’t, simply shooting an overly friendly smile your way. You sneak a glance at your classmates and they’re all giving you a strange look - one that most definitely reads what the heck is he smiling at you for?

Meeting Chae’s eyes in particular, you give an awkward smile and shrug. Soon enough, your father turns to the side and you finally think you can breathe.

“That’s why I’d like to encourage you all to live up to your potential! The world is changing around you as you know it and as future architects, you can be a part of that,” your father enthusiastically continues. His eyes are on you again. “And this is what I tell my beautiful daughter everyday! She loves skylines, my dear _____, and she’s going to be a wonderful architect too!”

My life is officially over.

A little dramatic but that exact thought crosses your mind as you duck into your seat. You think you hear the collective gasp around the auditorium or maybe your ears are playing tricks on you.

No, it’s probably as bad you think it is. Your father’s called you out by name and exposed your identity that you worked so hard to conceal. Your life is quite literally over.

Oblivious to your misery, your father grins happily on stage. He returns the mic to Mr. Lim before stepping to the side. The rest of the assembly goes by without you realizing. You’re still numb to the fact of what just happened.

You risk a glance at your classmates, and in cliche movie fashion, they’re all staring at you with mouths gaping wide open. Every single one of them.

Your neck heats up and you quickly turn around. But curiosity gets the best of you a few minutes later, and you risk looking again.

They’re still staring at you in shock. Like they can’t believe their eyes.

Chae especially is looking at you with hurt flashing across her face. It squeezes at your heart and you feel overcome with guilt for lying to your friend for a year. You don’t dare to imagine what she’s thinking now.

Without realizing, your eyes travel over to Namjoon. Much to your surprise, he’s not looking at you. He’s the only one with his eyes looking ahead blankly, deep in thought.

You frown, evading everyone’s stares to focus on him. An unrecognizable emotion is written all over his face… is it realization? Regret? Embarrassment?

You can hardly tell. But for the first time, an uncomfortable feeling plunges in your stomach at the fact that Namjoon’s not looking at you.

“Dad!” you cry. “How could you do that?”

Your father smiles happily at the sight of you, the two of you standing outside the auditorium in a secluded, private spot. The torture, that was the assembly, has finally come to an end.

“What do you mean?” he answers in confusion. “Do you mean showing up here? Because I was invited by that Mr. Lim fellow, he-”

“Not that!” you whine, groaning into your palms. “I’m talking about saying I’m your daughter in front of the whole architecture department!”

His eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, that? What did I do wrong?”

Your jaw drops. “Dad, are you being serious?”

He nods, clear puzzlement on his face.

“Don’t you remember? I specifically asked for you and Mom to make sure that it never gets out!” you say. “Now, you’ve told everyone I go to college with that I’m the daughter of the man behind HN Architects!”

He blinks for a few seconds. “Is that so wrong?” he almost pouts like a child. “I didn’t know it was such a problem.”

“Of course, it is! Why do you think I asked you not to tell anyone?”

“...I thought you were being modest.”

“Modest?!” you exclaim, before sighing. There’s no use berating your father. It’s no one’s fault but your own for not preparing better for this situation.

“Did you really not want anyone to find out?”

You nod weakly.

“Why not?”

“I… I can’t explain it. They’ll freak out,” you look down. You can’t imagine how much worse your stress is gonna get from now on - it isn’t enough that your own title of the daughter of HN Architects is choking you to death… now you’ll have to deal with every single one of your classmates doing the same thing.

Things will never be the same again. For every grade you get, it’ll be discussed as the grade of the HN Architects’ daughter. For every drawing or idea you’ll submit, it’ll be scrutinized as the work of a girl from privilege. The pressure would multiply infinitely.

“Oh dear, don’t be silly,” your father suddenly says, resting his hand on your head. “I’m sorry for that. I didn’t realize it was so serious to you. But even if they know, it’s not an issue. You’re an excellent student and it’s only right they pay you the respect as the future CEO of HN Architects.”

You shoot your father a smile but your stomach drops. “I guess so, thanks,” you mumble, unable to explain to him that it’s exactly what he said that terrifies you.

For the rest of the day, you hide out off-campus in hopes to avoid facing reality.

“_____, I think you need to pay for the emotional shock you gave us,” Hobi laughs at the lunch table as soon as you arrive.

Hesitantly, you sit beside Chae who doesn’t share a word with you. Since yesterday, you haven’t even made eye contact with her, despite being her roommate.

“I think I almost spat out my water when I heard my daughter,” Mina jokes and the table echoes in laughter. You smile awkwardly.

“Yeah… it’s not really a big deal,” you shrug.

“Not a big deal?! Hello! We’re talking to the next HN Architects CEO right now!” another student pipes up.

“_____, forgive me for all I did wrong last semester,” Yuri playfully adds.

“I think we need to be cleaning the floor for her to walk on!”

These statements all fly around the table, exchanged with laughs and smiles. Part of you cowers in the attention, uncomfortable by such blatant recognition of your upbringing.

Another part of you wonders… will things be okay?

You take a careful look around the table of your classmates. Not a single one seems to wear a glare, all sharing in jokes and smiles. For the strangest reason… you feel at ease.

Chae suddenly stands up, with her tray. “I’m done eating. I’ll see you guys later.”

Instantly, you mimic her and chase behind her retreating figure. “Wait Chae-”

“I have class right now-”

Like a child, you jump in front of her to block her path. “Okay, please just hear me out,” you say, pouting. “I’m sorry.”

She sighs. “What are you sorry for? It’s not a big deal.”

“You must feel… annoyed, right?”

Chae blinks at you. “I’ll admit, I was irritated at first. You come from such privilege and I’ve unloaded so much crap on you sometimes about being scared about post-college life while you never had that… but, I’m not really mad about that. You can’t help who you are, right?”

You nod. “You’re still mad at me though, aren’t you? For hiding it?”

She takes a second before replying, “I just… you’re so unreachable sometimes, _____. After I found out, I kind of realized why you’re so stressed all the time and what you meant whenever you alluded to things about your pressures and all… I’m just annoyed you never shared that part of you.”

“I’m sorry.”

For the first time since yesterday, Chae cracks a smile. “Don’t be sorry. I just want you to be more open with me. You don’t need to feel like you need to hide your background… I would’ve tried to understand either way.”

Her words soothe you more than you can explain. Since entering your major, you haven’t once relied on the people around you for support that wasn’t academic. Now, you’re realizing your fatal flaw.

“I’ll try to be better,” you say with a nod. “Thank you for not being mad at me.”

She laughs. “Anyway, you don’t need to worry about me,” she says with a glance elsewhere. “You should check up on him. He’s been spooked since yesterday.”

You turn on your heel to see Namjoon, walking around with the same strange expression on his face from the assembly. For a brief second, your eyes meet but the second flashes, and he quickly looks away.

“Did you see that?!” you scoff. “He just ignored me!”

Chae smiles. “Wow, there really is a first for everything.”

“What’s with him?” you say, watching his awkward walk in your opposite direction. He keeps glancing in your direction, but once he sees you staring at him, he swiftly looks away. It’s a completely new side to him.

“I don’t know,” Chae shrugs. “He’s being weird. I thought he’d be running after you like always, but he’s resorted to this.”

You scoff again, unfamiliar with this Namjoon who runs away from you, rather than to you. You wonder what’s running through his mind, before pushing the thought away. He’s bound to come after you again after a few days.

The confidence with which you assumed Namjoon would be all over you again is faltering.

It’s been a full week since the assembly, and while life has seemingly gone back to normal for you (as normal as things can be)... Namjoon certainly has not.

In classes, he picks the furthest seat away on purpose. You even started to tease him by trying to sit in his front row with him, but instead, you found him in the back row - where he can’t even see.

His lunches seem to be perfectly timed to not clash with yours. All of a sudden, he’s no longer in the library either. All the places you’d easily find Namjoon hovering over you, he’s disappeared from.

“Does he think this is effective?!” you rant to Chae in your dorm room. “That by suddenly ignoring me, I’ll become obsessed with him?!”

Chae smiles at you knowingly. “I don’t know… if that was his plan to begin with, I’d say it’s pretty effective-”

“Shut up, Chae! I’m just saying this is all so stupid!” you scoff. “Once or twice is fine but he’s actively avoiding me! He saw me in the library yesterday and acted like he forgot a book to leave! We were in the library for god’s sake! What book did he forget that he couldn’t find there?!”

Chae giggles like the situation is laugh-worthy. “Maybe he’s just busy.”

“He made time during final exams last year to bother me. How much busier could he be than he was then?”

“Or maybe he doesn’t want to distract you.”

“It’s not that for sure. Whenever I’d tell him that he’s distracting me before, he wouldn’t care,” you mumble under your breath annoyedly. Chae continues to grin at your behavior, as if your reaction were amusing.

You don’t say it to her but you know very well why you’re annoyed beyond relief. It’s because you know it’s to do with finding out about HN Architects.

You groan. You expected your classmates to be weird around you, maybe even your professors… but Namjoon was the last person you thought would suddenly make a 180 after learning about your family.

That’s why it’s aggravating. Because it’s the one thing you didn’t think he’d care about.

A part of you fears he’s realized just how pathetic you are. After all, Namjoon probably knows how much more promising he is compared to you and now… he had to sit with the fact that you were the daughter of HN Architects.

“Why don’t you just approach him yourself?”

You’re momentarily stunned by Chae’s suggestion. You shoot her a dirty glare.

“What?!”

“I’m not gonna chase after Namjoon! He should approach me himself!”

Chae looks at you like you’re crazy. “You’re the one who wants him to talk to you!”

“Exactly! He should come to me like he always does.”

A laugh escapes Chae’s lips. “Oh, _____… you don’t even realize it, do you?”

You cock a brow before shaking your head. “I don’t have time for your indirect dialogue. I’m just saying that if Namjoon doesn’t come to me and talk this out soon, I’m gonna have to do something very crazy.”

Chae’s eyes flicker with amusement. “Oh? And what’s that?”

You grimace, as if even saying it brings you humiliation. “I’m gonna go talk to him first.”

Chae bursts out laughing, despite your solemn expression. You brush her off, spending the rest of the night on your design homework but secretly planning on wringing Namjoon’s throat if he doesn’t go back to normal soon.

By now, you’re sure Namjoon can feel the daggers you’re shooting into his back.

He’s even risked turning back a few times, to see who’s glaring at him. But as soon as your eyes meet, his head spins around as if it were all in your head. He focuses on the professor teaching ahead of him, taking notes diligently.

Beside you, Chae says with a nudge, “so are you gonna do that very crazy thing you were planning?”

You ignore her for the sake of gritting your teeth. Usually, you have no trouble focusing in classes. It’s all because of this wretched situation that you’re so off-game.

As soon as the professor wraps up his powerpoint, you’re faster than anyone else in the class at packing up your things and zooming out the door. You don’t even bid Chae goodbye.

You tap your foot impatiently, staring directly at your target.

Namjoon… try and ignore me now.

Hooking his bag over his shoulder, Namjoon comes to the door of the classroom before stopping his tracks. Aha, you smile pleased.

“Ah, I just forgot… to talk about my assignment with Mr. Choi,” he mutters out loud to no one in particular. The acting is so terrible that you don’t even have to think about it to know he’s intending it for you to hear.

You march up to him. “No, you don’t,” you scoff and when he looks up at the ceiling, you jump like an infant calling for attention. “Namjoon, if you value your life, you’re gonna drop this act right now,” you say in a menacing voice.

Immediately, he gulps and looks down at you. His height towers over yours but you smile, knowing you’ve gained the upper hand here. He’s looking at you just as he did before - completely enamoured.

You say nothing but give a deadly gesture to follow you. He obeys without complaint.

When you two are finally in a spot you deem private enough, you raise your chin and look at him happily. Under your gaze, he looks down uncomfortably.

“So you want me to say it or will you explain what the hell is going on?”

He blinks. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, _____.”

Your blood boils. Now, he wants to feign ignorance. “You’re joking,” you deadpan.

He looks at you innocently and shakes his head. You sigh, blinking in confusion.

This whole situation is a first. True to your words, you’ve never actually… had to do anything more than bat an eye to know Namjoon would come to you. You don’t know the words to even ask what’s wrong.

“_____,” he says in a low voice. You glance up at him, completely losing your train of thought. The sight of him has never registered you disorientated before. But now, you can’t help but trace your eyes over his dimples and sparkling eyes.

You scoff at yourself. You must’ve lost your mind temporarily. “You know what I’m talking about!”

He shakes his head so you continue, “you used to always come to the library at my timings and sit on my lunch table.”

“Oh,” he nods. “That’s because I wanted to sleep in more so I changed my schedule around a bit.”

You blink at his explanation. “You sat at the back of the class when I came to the front row-”

“I just wanted to see what it’s like to sit there. Turns out, it sucks,” he pauses when you don’t reply. “_____?”

You frown, part confused and part innocently. “I just mean… why aren’t you following me anymore?”

The words are out of your mouth before you can help it and your eyes widen in humiliation. That isn’t the way you wanted to ask the question.

Namjoon, instead, is amused. He smirks ever so slightly, before cocking his brow and asking, “Are you asking me why I don’t chase you around anymore?”

His newfound confidence almost makes you lose your footing. This is Namjoon - the nerdy guy who’d come to you. He can’t have this effect on you.

You scoff, faking an assured smile. “Are you denying that you chased me around?”

He blinks. “I mean-”

“Surely, you accept the fact that you did chase me around for a whole year,” you say with a smile playing on your lips. Of course, between the two of you, you both know very well of Namjoon’s infatuation with you. He’s danced around those feelings for both of your comedy’s sake… but this time, you won’t let that slide.

He looks at you, tongue poking in his cheek. “Fine. I do chase you around.”

You almost smile with victory but you stop yourself. Before you can speak, he continues.

“But I won’t anymore. I’m sorry. It was wrong of me,” he says sincerely, seemingly ready on his toes to walk away. Your fingers wrap around his wrist without realizing.

“Wait!” you frown displeased. He’s glancing down at where your touch meets his hand and you instantly let go. “This makes no sense.”

He blinks, confused. “What do you… isn’t this what you’ve wanted?”

“You can’t just change your mind like that!” you argue, a strange desperation cutting into your voice. “You can’t make people get used to you and do that!”

Much to your surprise, he wears a small smile. “I didn’t think it’d bother you so much.”

“I can’t stand you,” you groan. “You chase me around, then you find out one tiny fact about my family and now, you think you’re so much better than me to come after me!” you yell, your heart hammering against your chest. You sound like a child, you know as much but… suddenly around him, all logic’s been thrown out your brain.

“_____,” he says in a breath, a glint in his eye that reads surprise and amusement. His dimples are poking out and you wonder what it’d be like to affectionately poke into one. “Do you… did you like when I would come to you?”

There’s no self-preserving answer to this, one that can save both your dignity and pride. You know what you should say to his question, but nerves are prickling under your skin.

It isn’t the nerves you feel before submitting a drawing or entering an exam, but a whole new uncharted territory of nerves. Everything about this conversation is uncharted territory.

“_____, do you…” he starts a question, before nervously brushing the nape of his neck. He looks shy to even ask but after a moment, he looks at you like a child with candy and says, “do you like me?”

Your heart’s in your stomach. Immediately, you laugh, “no! No! Why would I?! Are you crazy?! Why would I ever like-”

“I don’t know,” he blinks innocently, but the stare he holds on you seems suddenly intimate. “That’s what I’m thinking. Why would you ever care about why I stopped chasing after you, if you don’t like me?”

His cocky grin annoys you. You shoot him a deathly look. “Don’t get too confident with me, Joon,” you say although you’re fumbling with words. “I still remember when you couldn’t even look me in the eye.”

He takes a step closer, holding your stare with no qualms. Your heart speeds up again, like you’ve been running.

“_____,” he says softly with a victorious smile. “You like me, don’t you?”

“I’m not answering your stupid question. First, you explain to me why the hell you think you can treat me the way you have the last week-”

“Because I thought you didn’t like me back,” he answers smoothly. “You’re the daughter of HN Architects and I’ve been wasting your time all year long. I’ve always felt intimidated by you… but now, I realized I really wasn’t worth your time.”

You blink with a frown. “Namjoon-”

“I feel really embarrassed, _____… If I ever wanted to work at HN Architects, I wouldn’t even be able to show my face knowing the way I’ve bothered you-”

“You’ve never bothered me.”

“Huh?”

Your cheeks flush and you suddenly become very aware of the words that escaped your lips. You cast a hesitant glance at Namjoon and you can’t help it. Suddenly, everything feels a lot clearer.

“You know, you’re the kind of architect my father dreams about,” you find yourself saying. “You’re the kind of student someone like me should be. It all comes natural to you. I love buildings but everything I do, it’s just part of who you are… that’s why I acted like you bothered me.”

He’s at a loss for words before muttering, “_____…”

“All I ever think about is trying to fit the ideal I know I have to be and it all comes easy for you. You feel embarrassed in front of me…” you laugh with a scoff. “How do you think I feel, needing your help?”

“I never wanted to compete with you,” he says. “I just wanted to be by your side. I really wasn’t helping you for anything apart from looking for an excuse to be near you.”

There it is… the fluttering feeling.

The truth is, you’ve known all this time too. You’ve known that there was never any ulterior motive, just your cynical mind trying to conjure excuses.

You almost hate yourself at this moment. Your insecurity over your work has warped your thoughts so much that you convinced yourself that… that you feel nothing but annoyance for Namjoon.

“_____,” he starts. His hand hesitantly reaches up, stopping multiple times on its way before finally brushing your hair away from your forehead.

“I think it goes without saying but in my eyes, you’re the smartest person in our major and every time I’m with you, I don’t even care if you reject me or look for an excuse to go away,” he says. “You don’t even realize the way I see you.”

Your eyes sting and you’re not sure if it’s because his words move you or you’ve just forgotten to blink for a long while. “You’re so corny.”

He laughs. “Well, someone needs to tell you you’re doing a good job because I can tell you’re not telling yourself,” he says before sheepishly adding, “and I thought we were exchanging what we like about each other.”

“Who said I like you?”

He grins, ruffling your hair despite the scowl you give him. You say nothing but then give a smile. You didn’t expect today to feel so good… but somehow, that insecurity that plagues your mind at all hours of the day disappears for a while.

All you can think about is wanting this feeling to last with him. Without warning, you reach to grab Namjoon’s wrist to walk out into the open garden of the campus. In front of your sight, there’s a skyline of buildings decorating the city.

“Do you still stand by your statement that that building is the ugliest?”

You grin. “It’s literally hideous, Joon. I can’t believe you’re the top of our class but think those colors look nice together.”

He gives a warm laugh, unable to disguise his happiness at the way you call him endearingly. Your eyes go back and forth between the skyline and Namjoon beside you before deciding that while buildings are your first true love… there’s something even more beautiful about the boy next to you.

hehe so excited to write on this blog if u read till the end jus know u have all my love

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