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moonlight-prose · 2 years

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the prompt i could never forget you would do very nicely with druig 👀

YOU'RE AS BEAUTIFUL AS ENDLESS

a/n: i went a little bit overboard with this one. but this prompt really sparked inspiration so i hope it's enjoyable to read. i'll be honest i wasn't actually sure where i was going with this so it might be a bit out of sorts.

prompt list

summary: he left after making a vow to always remain. now you were left with the choice of forgiving him or leaving once and for all.

word count: 3.6k+

pairing: druig x fem!reader

warnings: explicit SO MINORS GET OFF MY LAWN, p in v sex, angst loads of it so be prepared, sinfully hot kissing, cussing, a little bit of fluff, and a short edit done by a tired brain. be warned there will be mistakes. let me know if i missed anything!

“How long will you love me for?” It was a silly question that you used to ask him whenever you found that your heart had faltered for a moment. Love was a fickle emotion. Something you thought that only humans partook in and yet the strings attached to your heart were continually tugged each time he glanced your way.

Love was irrelevant. Especially when you had a job to do and yet…you still asked him that question. Continued to ponder how – in such a grand universe – did the feeling of love actually work. Was it merely the attraction towards another person? Or was there more? You never could quite find the answer to such a complicated question as this, but that didn’t stop you from returning his looks. You weren’t one to shy away from the feeling of love and it seemed neither could he.

Maybe that was it.

The answer you were looking for.

His touch, as gentle and strong as his mind, held you in a grasp you never wanted to leave. This was the love you always wondered about at a safe distance and yet you couldn’t pull away when he held you. Found that to do so would cause your heart to hurt in a way it never had before. Years passed until you finally realized how deep you were in these rapturous feelings that refused to let you go. Except you found that you didn’t want to be free of such emotions; you’d be lost without them.

“Druig,” you murmured, pulling away from his lips to meet his eyes instead.

For hours you’d been holed up in this tower, watching as the sky shifted colors. The day falling away to welcome the night. You always loved this view. Especially when he was beside you, but tonight felt different. While normally you were filled with an overwhelming assurance that life would remain this way, suddenly you felt the cold twisting sensation of dread begin to eat at your heart.

“What?” he asked, running his thumb along your chin.

“How long will you love me for?” The words tumbled free without any thought placed behind them.

That, of course, was a lie. You contemplated them nightly after he fell asleep beside you; the sky open and free above your head. Does love last forever? Would he love you forever? They were silly notions to worry about – that you knew – but what if they weren’t? What if you had something to fear? You hadn’t planned on asking him about it until you were absolutely sure nothing would go wrong, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

You suppose you followed the advice of Thena. Always better to get things over with. Even if they weren’t pleasant.

“How long?”

The painful twist of your heart kept you going. You wanted that feeling to go away more than you wanted an answer to this question.

“Yes,” you confessed.

He sighed, eyes seeming to reflect the stars above him. “I suppose until the universe dies.”

Your heart caught in your throat, the shake in your hands ceasing the second you heard his words. The question of love always seemed like it never held an answer, but there it was. His answer. He watched the array of emotions play out on your face, shock, disbelief, fear, and finally that one word that had sent you into such a state of being, love. It was that simple for him. You were the north star in his sky, guiding him home from a journey that seemed endless.

He would love you until each star died in the sky, until he was no longer here to love you and even after that.

Smiling, you pressed your lips to his again, allowing your eyes to flutter close as he gripped your closer. The sky no longer took precedence. Not when he was rolling you beneath him, replacing the sight of the stars with something far more ethereal. Although his face still held a slight smile, his eyes told you everything that ran amuck in his mind. He was telling the truth.

You only wished that his words remained as truthful as he promised.

PRESENT DAY

The first thing you saw wasn’t the forest that he’d helped to preserve, or the people he protected all these centuries. The first thing you saw were his eyes. How they reflected the light of the dimming sun – the day once more welcoming night just as it always had. A routine you knew better than any human on this planet, and yet you wished the sun would remain for a few more hours.

Anything to stave off the sight of how the stars looked in his eyes. You could recall the image perfectly, how that night was one of the last you would spend together before he left. A part of you wanted to go with him, but that wasn’t your mission. That hadn’t been your path to begin with and so you parted ways with one last lingering look as the fires burned around you.

Except now there he stood. Mere feet away from you, his expression blank and passive as if he’d been practicing for this very moment. As the centuries passed, so did your range of emotions towards him. You were angry for quite some time, only that too faded with the healing factors of time apart. Eventually you forgot why you had been so set on tearing his heart out; the realization that perhaps you weren’t meant to be together had become your answer to the situation.

Only now…everything you had pushed away, all the rage and pain you had let go of, came rushing back. Shoving its way into your body until you were on the verge of tears just looking at him. You knew that eventually you would have to speak to him, but for now you allowed Sersi to speak as you lingered in the back. Looking at anything and everything except at him. You wouldn’t be able to keep these feelings of anger if you glanced his way.

Some part of you wondered if he knew that.

For a few hours you had been successful in avoiding him, but like all things you had to face them head on. Even if you didn’t like the situation you were in.

Picking the flower, you twirled it in between your fingers, admiring the violet color of its petals. The forest around you seemed to breathe life into your lungs, giving you the strength to actually acknowledge his presence. You would have happily kept walking until you were free of what was happening, except they needed him. You needed him. Picking another flower, you placed it in the palm of your hands; running your finger over it’s stem.

All of this is what you were protecting. Not just the humans, but each form of life that thrived on this planet. Somehow that gave you the capability to do what you dreaded for so long.

“We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t need you,” you said, letting the flowers drop to the forest floor.

The cracking of twigs beneath his shoes drew your attention to how close he actually was. “I know.”

His voice. You forgot how much you missed it. For so long you attempted to bring it to your mind, just to hear it one more time, but just like his love. It was impossible to replicate if he wasn’t in your presence. The anger from before melted away the longer you wandered around the forest; focusing instead on the steady beat of your heart and the noises that surrounded you.

“I take it you’re mad?”

You scoffed, glancing up – seeing the stars begin to peek out from the dimming sky. “My anger is long gone by now Druig.”

“Is it?” he asked, stepping even closer. “Then why won’t you look at me?”

Because your eyes are too dangerous to meet with my own. Power or no power he had a hold over you that couldn’t be undone, by anything. Especially the hatred that you harbored over him for what felt like the entirety of your lifespan. You wouldn’t tell him this – you couldn’t – and yet you felt like he already knew. He understood how you had to keep your strength when it came to him, because he felt exactly the same way.

One look at you earlier and he had been ready to fall to his knees for you. Begging for the forgiveness he knew he didn’t deserve. Centuries without his universe, without the other half of his heart, began to wane on him. He hadn’t realized how deep he fell into the pit of inconsolable emotions till he saw you standing a few feet away. The rage in your eyes clashed with the stark beauty you still were, and he felt his heart drop to his stomach.

He made a promise to love you until the universe ended and even after that. A vow he turned back on.

“I made a mistake,” he began, trying to reach for your hand in the hopes that you’d allow him the opportunity to feel your skin against his again.

Spinning around, he was blasted with a burning fury he hadn’t been around to endure. “A mistake?” you spit out, clenching your fists and shutting his intentions down. “You left us, left me. What happened to the promise you made?”

He winced at the crack in your voice, at the torment in your eyes. “I made it with the intention of keeping it.”

“Look how well that went.” You were being intentionally cruel, but for how long he left you to wallow, to pine, he deserved it. “Why lie about loving me if you were going to leave me?”

“I didn’t lie,” he replied, his hardened gaze meeting yours. “When I made that promise I told you the absolute truth.”

“And yet you still left!” You tried to contain the multitude of emotions that wreaked havoc on your body, mind, and everything in between. It was no use though, because the stars had begun to reflect in his eyes again.

Suddenly you were back on that tower, watching as he professed a secret to you, a promise. Wiping roughly at your cheeks to get rid of the tears that fell without your permission, you tried to close all the crevices that threatened to crack even further. You couldn’t bare your soul to him now. Not now. Not when he looked at you like you hung the stars that reflected in his eyes; as if you were the reason he still breathed.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you whispered.

“I can’t.” One more step forward and he would be inches away from you. A part of you was ready to use your powers to stop him, but the other part – the one that still believed his words – wanted him to come closer.

“Druig.” Your foot went back as you tried to get away from him, but his hand caught your wrist, keeping you in place. “Don’t do this to me.”

“Why not?” he asked with the small grin you had fallen victim to countless times before.

Inhaling sharply when his other hand cupped your cheek, tilting your head back slightly to look at him, you felt the fight still left in your body fall away. You missed him. More than you could ever admit and suddenly you found yourself shifting closer. Gravitating towards the man who held your heart in the palm of his hands. By the way his lips curved into an even deeper grin, he knew exactly how you felt towards him. There would be no more arguing, no more fighting, because you were his.

“I’m here to help Sersi and nothing more.” The last argument you held in your body was a weak one and he knew it.

He smiled, pressing his forehead against your cheek and breathing against your skin before meeting your eyes once more. “Now who’s lying,” he whispered.

“I’m not-”

“No more of that.” He tugged your face closer, slotting his lips against yours.

A kiss shouldn’t have broken you and healed you at the same time. No kiss should hold this much power and yet there you were. Grasping for him like he was your lifeline, doing anything to press yourself closer to him while he pushed his tongue gently into your mouth. He could suck the anger out of your body through this one single kiss, replacing it instead with his love. His anguish at leaving you.

Tangling your fingers in his hair, you slid your tongue against his, feeling the heat curl low in your stomach as he wrapped his hand around your neck to keep you in place. The assuredness in his nature, the passion of his kisses, all of it was something you had forgotten you yearn for. You wanted the world to fall away. For the Emergence to never exist in the first place, because finally – your heart had begun to beat again.

Pulling away to breath, you shuddered as he nipped down your jaw and throat, towards your collarbone. If he wasn’t careful, you would be beneath him in a matter of minutes. Except it seemed that the both of you wanted that very thing to happen. The others were too far to hear you and nobody knew this forest better than Druig, so with a drunken smile you tugged his lips back to yours. Allowing him to lead you backwards until you were falling to the ground with him above you.

“I was so sure-” He gasped, his eyes sliding closed as you bit at his neck, sucking a mark into the skin. “Fuck.”

“So sure?” you prodded, hooking a leg around his hip and dragging him even closer; until you could feel his body against yours.

He brushed the hair away from your forehead, watching as the smile he had drawn on page after page for centuries was brought out once more by just the sight of him above you. Letting go of the anger had been a feat you managed to overcome. Even now you felt it wane, leaving nothing behind but specks of dust. There wasn’t a lot of time left on this planet and so you decided to clutch at the one anchor you had over the centuries.

“So sure that you forgot me,” he murmured, tracing the shapes of your armor on your cheek.

It took a moment for his words to register fully in your mind and you pushed him to the ground, straddling his waist. This was the sight you saw in your dreams. Him sprawled out beneath you, his hair in disarray and eyes showing you the stars above. You may have been laying on the forest floor, but to you and him, you were in a tower in Babylon. Watching as the sky showed hints of the universe above.

Except he didn’t have to look very far to see his universe, because you were right in front of him.

“I could never forget you.” Whispering the words, you watched his facade finally fall away, giving you back the Druig you loved so long ago.

Time blurred for a brief moment as what was a tender moment shifted into a mad rush of trying to free one another from the confines of your clothes. He yanked up your shirt, tossing it to the ground beside you while you practically tore his off. You could care less if you were found. This feeling was stronger than that. After so long apart, you were ravenous, desperate to feel him against you – to feel his heartbeat against yours.

“I missed you-” Gasping as he sucked a nipple into his mouth, scraping his teeth against the skin, you didn’t even try to stop your hips from rolling against his. “-everyday.” While he switched to your other breast, drawing a moan from your parted lips, you focused on opening his pants. “I-I couldn’t forget you e-even if I tried.��

He groaned, eyes fluttering shut at your words. Finally, he had given up control of his own mouth, his own mind. The sight of you above him, shoving your pants down enough to slide his cock through your slick was his undoing. If he wasn’t careful, he would unravel beneath you, becoming pieces of a man who broke himself. Gripping your hips, he positioned you over him, staring up at you through his lashes while he bit at any piece of skin he could reach. You relished in it. Every ounce of pleasure and pain he gave to you.

Tomorrow you’d fight for your lives, but tonight you were free to lose yourselves in each other.

“I should have taken you with me,” he rasped; teeth sinking into his bottom lip. “Should have asked you to stay here. With me.”

Cupping his face, you pressed your lips to his in the hopes that it would reveal your emotions. No barriers were in your mind. Not with him – never with him. He could see whatever he liked and as you licked slowly – hotly – into his mouth, he delved into your thoughts. Every ounce of pain, all the nights you debated on finding him, each moment you reminisced over rushed to his mind and finally…he understood. Leaving you broke your entire being. Just as it did his.

“I would have said yes,” you whispered, sinking slowly down onto him and watching various emotions flitter across his face. “I would have gone anywhere with you.”

You lost the ability to form words as you felt him fill you completely. The slight sting of pain at being stretched like this again seemed to only add to the overwhelming sensation. The silence of the forest surrounded you, allowing the sounds the both of you made to be louder than anything else. Digging your nails into his shoulder, you kissed him messily, your teeth clashing slightly as you rose up on your knees and dropped down just as quickly.

There wasn’t enough time. There never would be.

“‘M never leaving you,” he said against your skin, biting at your neck when you sunk down on him again.

The pace was quick and almost ruthless, but eventually the others would come looking for you and Druig would have to give them his answer. Whining desperately into his neck, you shifted the angle and felt like the air was practically punched out of your lungs. He must have noticed, because he took over for you. Turning swiftly, you were suddenly beneath him, watching as he hooked your legs higher up on his hips.

“You’re with me till the end,” he muttered, thrusting harshly into you and watching your mouth fall open and eyes roll back.

Striking against the spot along your walls, he dug his hands into the earth below, tearing up the grass to help him stave off his own release. Centuries of heartbreak is what he caused you so he could give you this. He had to. For his own sanity and yours he needed to watch you fall apart on his cock. Leaning down he caught your lips in a kiss, groaning when you clenched around him tight enough to have him see stars behind his closed eyes.

“Druig!” you cried out, head tilting back, giving him a chance to suck along your skin. With each thrust of his cock into you, he tore free a sob of his name from your chest; a sound he would never get tired of hearing. “O-Oh fuck!”

“C’mon.” Drawing his hand down, he gripped your jaw in order to tilt your head down and watch him. “My endless universe,” he breathed. “You’re it.”

Hooking your ankles behind his back, you dug your nails into his bare back as he ground his hips into you, stimulating your clit enough to send you flying over the edge. With a shout of his name, you felt the coil in your body tighten to an almost painful degree until it finally snapped in two.

Much to your delight, you got to watch him follow you soon after. The feeling of your walls fluttering wildly around his cock as you gushed enough to drip down around him is what had him biting out your name and pressing his forehead against yours. His eyes flared gold for a few seconds before dying down, returning to the crystalline blue you were so attached to.

“How long will you love me for?” you asked tentatively, pushing his hair off his forehead as his eyes focused on you again. The dazed expression and flushed cheeks was enough to have your cunt clenching around him again.

“Oh – fuck,” he hissed out, pulling out slowly so as not to overstimulate either one of you.

“Druig?”

He tucked his head into the crook of your neck, kissing at the spot beneath your jaw that he favored all those centuries ago. “Until the universe dies.” Each word was spoken with a kiss, his breath fanning across your chest.

To you – in this moment – the Emergence didn’t exist. You weren’t threatened by a world ending situation; you didn’t have to return back to your family. You were merely laying with him beneath the stars just as you did all those years ago. With the warmth of his body pressing into yours. The sky above somehow looked dimmer than the view of him above you, but you wouldn’t trade the sight for anything.

This…was your long awaited answer. He was your answer.

#druig x fem!reader #druig x you #druig x y/n #druig smut #druig one shot #druig fanfiction #druig #the eternals #druig drabble #druig fic #my writing

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sugamamacustard · 3 years

Text

Feed Me

Pairing: Alpha! Keiji Akaashi X Omega! Reader, Alpha! Wakatoshi Ushijima x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Rintaro Suna x Omega! Reader

Genre: Fluff

Request: Ooooo what about when Alphas 🐘 ( maybe akaashi, ushijima, rin and kuroo) find out that their omega has not been eating enough like (their only eating little things like granola bars or fruit) so their upset that they had to find out through someone else and they scold them for that but then their told that they have gain some weight and that gets them even more upset because they think their perfect etc.

Summary: Some times, people do things because it’s what they think is best. You don’t tell your alpha about some weight gain you’ve noticed, and try taking care of it yourself because of this.

Author’s Note: Hey, you. Yeah you. The beautiful person reading this? You are perfect. You are worth it. Your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t feel bad about having them. You are so amazing, and even if I don’t know you, I am so proud of you. You are so strong for making it so far. Keep going. Never change. :) Also your nice comments? Literally my dose of serotonin

did I mention my OC one or twice? Yes. Am I sorry? No. Also, idk if anyone is curious, but Yuka doesn't actually go to Shiritorizawa but whatever.

Requests: Closed!

Buy me a coffee?

Trigger Warning: Mentions of (Semi?) Starvation.

Keiji Akaashi

➵Now, Keiji is pretty on top of omega and significant other care.

➵ Like, weirdly so. It's honestly kind of creepy?

➵ In an endearing way.

➵ He always says 'Bokuto-Kun prepared me in a way.'

➵ Honestly, he loves doing this for you too!

➵He loves caring for you so much.

➵ Like I firmly believe Akaashi's love language is acts of service.

➵ So things like bringing you food, leaving sweet notes in your locker, helping you with your homework.

➵ He lives for doing these things.

➵ Especially feeding you snacks and things.

➵ It made his inner alpha purr because that meant he was caring for you. Providing for you.

➵ Being the very thing that made him worthy of an alpha.

➵ Prove that he could continue being the alpha you needed and wanted.

➵ Unfortunately, there were downsides.

➵ Your hips had the beginnings of small love handles, a little more chub on you tummy, thighs a little squishier.

➵ Let's not lie, Keiji absolutely adored this, by the way.

➵ I also think one of his biggest kinks is praise

➵ He makes sure you know how loved and how perfect you are.

➵ It's sometimes hard to believe him though.

___

"Y/N?"

You hummed an acknowledgment at Keiji's call, typing the final words to your essay before turning to look at your beautiful alpha- Sometimes you questioned how you hooked him. His gorgeous emerald eyes shining with love and adoration.

"I'm gonna go run and pick up some supper, what would you like beloved?" He came up to squeeze and massage your shoulders, leaning down as he pressed a small peck to your temple, your purr a sweet melody to his ears.

You swallowed behind your purr, trying to hide the small panic in your eyes. Your mind instantly flashed to your reflection this morning, how you pinched your hips with a frown. You already had been slowing down on the snacks, and fast food made you shiver.

"I-I'm okay for now, Keiji. Thank you though." You smiled, nonetheless, holding Keiji's cheek in your hand. He quirked a brow, frowning slightly before nodding lowly. Another peck was pressed to your cheek before he left, ordering your favorite from the diner he took you to for your first date.

"Beloved, I'm back." Keiji called, once more tearing you away from your essay; you were always thankful for the distraction though. He set down the take out bag, taking out the top box and handing it to you before shrugging off his jacket.

"Keiji? I said I was okay-"

"I didn't believe you. Now come on, you need to take a break and I'm touch starved." The raven didn't even look behind at you before pulling out his own box, dragging your rolley-chair to the bed. He pulled his sweater over his head, handing that to you as well before giving you a sweet peck.

His eyes locked with yours. Your breath hitched. So many silent words swam in his eyes, asking you, demanding you, to tell you what was wrong.

"I just- I've gained a little weight lately and-"

"And? My love, you are just as gorgeous as the day I met you. Nothing is wrong with a little weight, even if I think you're foolish to think you've gained weight. Never think otherwise. Even if you do, let me know, my job as your alpha and boyfriend is to make sure you feel as good as possible no matter what."

He slipped the sweater over your head, rehanding you your meal that he took from you momentarily, running a hand through your hair.

"Your my beautiful omega. Nothing should keep you from your happiness."

Wakatoshi Ushijima

➵Unlike Akaashi, Wakatoshi is little more...Hesitant (In a way) when it comes to omegan care.

➵ He never really learned how to? Ya know?

➵ Both his parents were alphas, and he was never around omegas consistently enough to learn.

➵and it's not like you were a volleyball that he could use the same techniques to up-keep.

➵ He also couldn't ask his team.

➵ Well, he could, but only one other person on his team had an omega. (It was Satori and his advice, though helpful, could only go so far.)

➵ He was doing good though, especially with you holding his hand through the entire thing.

➵ The first time he noticed something was up was when you didn't show up to lunch-- texting him a picture of you in the library, tongue poking out as you held up a peace sign to assure him you were okay.

➵ When he brought it up to Satori, who had his own omega (A small, but fiery brunette named Yuka) leaning on his side as she played some sort of phone game on his phone (Mama's slusheria? He thinks?) .

➵He explained he didn't know what was going on with you while Satori listened with a hum before giving him a sad smile. "Sorry I can't help you further Ushi-waka, but as you can see-" He slid his unfinished lunch towards Yuka, who popped one of the Dango skewers into her mouth without looking up. "I'm not very familiar with the problem."

➵ He offered his help as much as he could nonetheless.

➵ He slowly began to pick up on smaller things, locking them in his steel trap.

➵ Like a good boy :)

➵ He put hours of research into omegas after this (not that he hadn't previously). Keeping strenuous notes beside him.

➵ They were colorful and highlighted :)

➵ And he followed the advice that 'Mommy Luna-boo' posted on the blog he found like a goddamn Mantra. ('Sometimes Omegas need a little more love! Their bodies, especially during high school years, will change a lot! They may feel a little down! As an alpha, make sure you remind them how beautiful they are!')

➵She was mother Theresa and he was her follower.

➵ Well after he followed you.

➵and after he made sure you were feeling better

___

"Omega?"

"Toshi."

Walking into your dorm room, Wakatoshi set down a small bag filled with goodies. He set it down on your bed as he sat down as well, watching you carefully.

When you gave him a small smile with a quirked brow, he took a deep breath, remembering everything Tendou had coached him through.

"Have you been eating enough lately?"

You sucked your tongue at the question, shuffling your shoulders. Truth be told you had been missing out on a few lunches after noting a few extra pounds you hadn't noticed earlier. You never meant to worry him, that was never your intention, but it seemed the world was working against you. You had no clue where to go from here. If you told him the truth that would do nothing but worry him, but lying was never good in any form of relationship.

Your hesitance to tell him was more than enough though, as his larger lands encased your own, holding them tightly.

"Why?" His tone wasn't accusatory nor was it angry in the slightest. Genuine curious if anything. If he could get to the bottom of the root of the problem, he could prevent it from happening in the future. Right?

"I- I just...Noticed a few extra pounds and-"

"That's it?"

You looked up to him with a tilted head, like a lost puppy. "What do you mean that's it?"

Pulling you closer, Wakatoshi effortlessly pulled you onto his lap, using one hand to dig through the bag beside him while the other wrapped around your hips. He pulled out a few of your favorite snacks laying them out in front of you.

"That's, in my opinion, a silly thing to worry about. If you feel that's a big problem, I can offer my services to you in any way you wish-- whether it be support or as help, it is my job to be there for you." He nuzzled your scent gland, voice rumbling against your shoulders.

You purred in response, leaning back onto your alpha.

Rintaro Suna

➵ Suna is a lot like Akaashi in the sense that he has incredible observational skills as an alpha.

➵ His eyes are like sniper scopes.

➵ The minute something is wrong, he's on it.

➵ Like he looks aloof but he's not.

➵ He had notes.

➵ So hiding something from him is not easy at all.

➵ But you two most likely ended up together because you gave him a run for his money.

➵ You made him work at being an alpha.

➵ And he loved you for that.

➵ It did come back to bite him in the ass though.

➵ The only reason he heard about this was because the betas at Inarizaki were loud mouths.

➵ Honestly he learned so much tea from them.

➵ Like this third year was sleeping with a first year because she planned on baby trapping him and-

➵ It was wild.

➵Though most times it was nothing more than a source of entertainment for you and him to laugh about.

➵This time the gossip was actually useful.

➵ He wasn't thrilled they were talking about you, but provided some very useful information.

➵ And he was set into action.

➵ typing a few things onto his phone he set out to find you.

___

"Rin, I said I'm not hungry-"

"I know and I'm making the executive decision to ignore you."

He squinted his eyes at the carefully written instructions in front of him, sending a silent thanks to Atsumu's mate Haruka. (;)) She had written a step by step instruction sheet to making Onigiri while also dropping off all the ingredients (Pre-prepped). The only reason she didn't make it was because Suna's alpha, no matter how much he trusted her, wouldn't have let it near you.

"Rintato-"

"Look, Y/N. I love you, you know that. You know a lot of things, you're my smart little omega. So you must also know this isn't good, right?" Sliding a plate of, albeit mediocre, onigiri towards you, Rintaro focused his gaze on you.

"You know this, eh?"

You swallowed before grabbing one of the triangles, nibbling on the top in an attempt to appease your alpha. His sharp gaze still focused on you, making you shiver as he rounded around the counter. He turned you around so you were facing him, his hands holding your hips.

"You know this."

You wilted under his expectant gaze, knowing what he wanted from you. "I know this."

He smirked, leaning to take bite from your snack, licking his lips as he did. "Good omega."

"Rintaro that's mine!"

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fireflykaizoku · 3 years

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Heya! I know you’ve done 3 soulmate fics now, but with the sort of angsty feel with Mimi-ya’s request I was wondering if a Katakuri x reader, in regards to the age difference he had given up hope that it was even possible for him to have happiness outside of his family, would make for a good read and also possibly dangerous for reader to come face to face with Big Mom and all those siblings! Thank you x

Hii! i'm sorry i took long to finish it, but i kept watching OP and reading more about Katakuri, since it's my first time writing for him. Since i'm still on episode 850, i was afraid it'd be a bit ooc. If it is, i'm so sorry! my writing for Katakuri will improve as i finish the arc. I hope you like it anyway, it was fun to write it ❤

Your family was rich and well-known around the Grand Line. Being the only daughter, they were trying to find a husband for you, a political marriage that could be good for both families, especially yours. They had a list of potential husbands, but you didn’t bother checking it since you were too focused on your birthday party. It was a small party, just with close friends and family, but you wanted everything to be perfect.

And it was. You had so much fun around people you loved, it was hard to fall asleep after that; you were genuinely happy.

Before opening your eyes, you could already feel the sweet smell, something like candy, donuts or cake. Thinking it was maybe a belated birthday breakfast, you opened your eyes and was ready to jump out of the bed when you realized the bedroom was completely different from yours. And as soon as you looked down, you realized that body definitely wasn’t yours. The toned chest, tattoos and the scarf around your neck weren’t yours.

You could only feel happiness and relief, you were glad you already switched bodies with your soulmate. Who knew it’d be that fast? But you wanted to see more of him, so you got up and started looking for a mirror in his room. The reflection surprised you at first, not being the kind of soulmate you expected to have. He had tattoos, crimson hair, and apparently was very tall. In fact, he was huge. When you put the scarf down a little, you noticed he had scars, and you assumed that’s why he covered his mouth. He also had fangs, which you thought were extremely charming. He wasn’t ugly, in fact, he was far from that. He was very handsome. Intimidating, of course. But very handsome.

Looking around, you found a vest, and on the back, you noticed “Charlotte” written on it.

— Charlotte? — you whispered to yourself, thinking you’ve seen that name somewhere until you finally realized after a couple of minutes.

— He’s one of Big Mom’s son!

You remember when your parents were trying to find a husband for you, his name came up a couple of times. It was probably Charlotte Katakuri. You’ve never seen any pictures of him, but you knew he was a very strong and powerful man.

After a couple of minutes just looking at his figure in the mirror, admiring his traits, a knock on the door brought you back to reality.

— Katakuri-sama, it’s almost time for Big Mom’s tea party. — someone said, outside the room before leaving right away.

You heard about the famous Tea Parties, but you didn’t even know how to behave. You knew there would be so many people, powerful people, and some probably well known as well, so you couldn’t take the risk of things going wrong.

You couldn’t describe the relief you felt when you noticed a den den mushi in the corner of the room. Perfect! You’d call him, explain everything and hopefully he’d be there just in time for the party.

It took a couple of minutes, but finally someone answered. You got quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say.

— Charlotte Katakuri? — you asked, a bit nervous.

— It’s me. I assume you’re (L/N) (F/N)? — you hummed in response. — I see you’re my soulmate and we switched bodies.

— Yes, and you have a Tea Party to attend today. Do you think we can switch back before then?

— Unfortunately, no. Your island is quite far from the Whole Cake Island. Can you go instead? You’ll just have to sit without saying anything. It won’t last too long, and when it’s over you go straight to your room.

— But what if… I need to fight? I don’t know how to… — he interrupted you.

— Don’t worry, it shouldn’t have an attack. But if anything happens, look for Brûlée and explain everything. I’ll be there before the sunrise, and we’ll be able to switch back, hopefully.

He seemed so calm even in a situation like this. But following his advice, you went to the party. It was fun and there was delicious food everywhere, but you couldn’t disrespect your soulmate and remove the scarf off. Maybe when you switch back you can ask Katakuri to let you eat a few.

You started sweating whenever Big Mom or any of his kids got near you, trying to talk. So to avoid raising any suspicions, you just nodded the whole time. And whenever you heard a fuss, your soul felt like it’d leave your body, worried it’d be a confront. If you had to fight today, acting like Katakuri, you wouldn’t know what to do.

You were hungry, but too shy to ask for anything. As if someone heard your thoughts, a few small men knocked on your door, bringing donuts. Not just two or three, but many donuts. They bowed and left quickly.

After eating half of it, you fell asleep. You were very anxious since you’d meet your soulmate in a few hours, but your eyelids got heavier and you couldn’t fight the sleep anymore. You woke up a few hours later with someone gently tapping your arm. When you opened your eyes, you realized Katakuri had arrived.

You were still sleepy, and sat on the bed, rubbing your eyes until you actually felt awake. The height difference was quite a lot, and it was funny. You had to sit on the floor so the two of you would be face to face.

— Hello, Katakuri. — you felt incredibly shy now.

— Good morning. — he tried to hide the fact he was embarrassed, and was hoping you couldn’t hear how fast his heart was beating.

— This… Is it the time when we kiss?— you suggested, looking away. Would he think you were being too straightforward?

— Yes… We should… Kiss.

You pulled the scarf down slowly with your now cold hands. You closed your eyes, feeling very nervous. You kissed a few times before, but it still felt like something new. Especially now that it wasn’t just a random person, it was your soulmate.

Noticing you were waiting for him to make a move, he moved closer, sealing your lips together. Just a peck at first, until you gave him permission to deepen the kiss. Both of you were shy, and the kiss was a bit clumsy. Maybe he haven’t had many kisses too.

You didn’t have to open your eyes to realize you two had switched back, his big and strong hands holding your face was a sign that it worked. You rested your head on his hand, looking at him with eyes full of admiration and a soft smile on your lips.

— Aren’t you… Scared or disgusted? — he asked, feeling insecure now that his face was exposed to you.

— Why would I be? — you genuinely asked, smiling softly.

— Because… Of my mouth. I’m not how you probably wanted your soulmate to look like, and I don’t want you to think you have to put up with me because we’re soulmates. Now that we switched back, you can go if you want to. — his voice didn’t seem angry, as if he was demanding you to leave. It sounded sad, as if he had been through a lot.

You heart ached just to think that someone had the courage to hurt your soulmate.

Little did you know that many people treated him differently, not wanting to be around him or making fun of him because of his appearance; little did you know that while most of his siblings found their soulmates already, and he spent most of his life thinking he didn’t deserve his other half. Little did you know that he gave up on finding someone and started to deal with the fact that only his family would be able to love him.

But now, after meeting you, he threw his rational self out of the window. He felt like he could love someone; marry someone for a reason other than just a political marriage. But would you want him just like he wants you?

— We switched back, right? — you caressed his face softly. He wasn’t expecting it, no one has ever been this gentle with him before. — That means we’re in love.

— I don’t want you to be with someone like me, you’d only be in danger. — he turned his face not to see you. — You wouldn’t be able to deal with my siblings. It won’t be like playing house, and it won’t be like the marriage you might be expecting.

You got quiet, taking a deep breath. He wouldn’t push you away easily. Katakuri noticed your silence, and was expecting you to leave the room, agreeing that life with him wouldn’t be the perfect calm life you probably wanted. Instead, before he could even use his haki to have a glimpse of the future, you turned his face and pecked his lips.

— I won’t give up so easily. — you crossed your arms. — You’re my soulmate and I won’t leave you just because you think I can’t deal with a dangerous lifestyle. I want you, and if you want me too… We can make this work.

Looking at your face that was looking at him with love in your eyes, how could he say “no”? Maybe Big Mom would be willing to accept this relationship and give her blessing, and his siblings would be happy for him. He could even pretend it was all because of your family and their power at first.

His stomach started growling before he could say anything.

— I’m sorry, I only ate a few donuts while I was in your body. — you felt a little embarrassed about what you were about to ask. — But I wanted to eat some of the sweets yesterday. Do you think… — he didn’t let you finish the question.

— You can have the sweets, I’ll ask to get them delivered for breakfast. — he covered his face with the scarf again. — For now, you should sleep. We’ll have a long day meeting my family tomorrow.

#charlotte katakuri #katakuri x reader #one piece #one piece x reader #one piece scenario

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mypoisonedvine · 3 years

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Seeing Red | bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x actress!reader (part 1)

summary: bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself. except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.

word count: 2875

warnings: smut... sort of (oral f receiving), voyeurism/exhibitionism (kinda?), touch of angst, lots of pining and awkwardness, jealous bucky being jealous, alcohol use (reader gets drunk)

Nothing annoyed you like being surrounded by stylists and being primped and prodded for hours at a time. It made you feel claustrophobic to be touched so much: makeup artists only inches from your face, tailors watching you change, hairstylists nearly spraying you in the eye or burning you on the forehead every few minutes.

Not to mention how uncomfortable it was to actually be in the whole get-up once they were done.

But, such was the nature of a red carpet event. This one was going to be particularly bland because it wasn't even a premiere or awards event but a launch party for a perfume campaign. How lame is that? It's one of those things that really only exists so that there can be pictures of it to put in a magazine, because they're always running out of good pictures of celebrities to publish.

Finally all dolled up to the point that you didn't look even very much like yourself anymore, your assistant accompanied you downstairs and into your driveway where your car was waiting; and, more importantly, its driver and your driver, Bucky.

He was a gruff sort of guy; certainly a man of few words and many brooding glares. Sometimes you thought he didn't like you— like maybe he resented your fame or something— but then he'd turn around and be so sweet all of a sudden and you didn't know what to think. For one, he demanded to open the door for you every time you got out of the car. Sometimes he even extended his hand for you to grab on to, which was especially useful for red carpet events when you were usually wearing skinny heels that were impossible to balance on.

Such was the case tonight as well, and you smiled up at him as he helped you out of the car and up towards the steps of the venue.

"Thank you," you smiled at him, and he barely smiled back.

"Have a good night, madam," he suggested, a formal stuffiness to the way he addressed you.

You nodded, "You too!" That made you pause, though, because you weren't sure what his night would entail at all. "Say, what is it that you do when I'm at an event like this?"

He seemed confused by your question. "Um, I sit in the car and wait until you're ready to leave."

Guilt seared in your chest and you frowned. "That's it? You don't, like, go out? Catch a movie?"

"Nope. That would prevent me from doing my other job, which is watching the points of entry to make sure there aren't any threats to security going in."

"Right…" you trailed off. "You could always come in, you know, grab some free drinks and stuff."

"I thought you didn't want any of your team following you around at events."

"Yeah, don't follow me around, just mingle and kill some time!"

Bucky shook his head. "If I'm not there as your driver or as your security, then I'm not there."

You shrugged. "Suit yourself, but please feel free to, like, get some food or whatever you wanna do while I'm in there! Don't just wait on me!"

He smiled, but it looked a little rehearsed. "Thank you, madam."

You realized he'd been holding your hand through the entire conversation, cause you'd asked him your question midway through getting out of the car. Awkwardly, you finally dropped his hand and waved goodbye, escorting yourself up the last few steps and into the door.

God, he must think I'm such a freak.

God, she must think I'm such a freak.

Bucky munched on the sandwich he'd had delivered (yes, to the car, how else was he supposed to get it?) as he dutifully watched the entrance. Against your advice, he had every intention of just sitting around and waiting for you, but he wasn't bored; he had a Mets game on the radio to keep him company.

"— top of the third, bases loaded, DeGrom is at the plate with one swing left aaaaaand… he strikes out!"

"Shit," Bucky grumbled to himself around a mouthful of pastrami.

Glancing up, he saw someone stumbling out of the party: squinting, he realized it was you. He looked at the clock with a furrowed brow, noticing it was a little earlier than he'd thought you'd leave, but then he saw that there was someone with you… a guy.

Bucky set his sandwich down and turned the key in the ignition as he watched you pull your phone out of your clutch— ostensibly to text him to bring the car around, but he was already ahead of you, quickly exiting the parking lot and circling the building so he could pull up at the steps. He was about to get out to open the door for you but this random guy did it instead, before tumbling in after you.

"That tickles!" you protested with a giggle as your new friend started to kiss your neck, his hands all over you before Bucky had even gotten the car moving.

You were too drunk and distracted to notice that the partition was still open. Of course Bucky had considered closing it, in fact he wanted more than anything to close it so he wouldn't have to see this, but some sick part of his brain needed to see it. How else could he know if something went wrong and he had to get back there and stop it? How else would he keep you safe?

How else would he get to find out how you sound when you're being touched like this?

He couldn't see too well with it being the middle of the night and all, but every time he drove past a streetlamp or particularly bright neon sign, the colorful glow would shine in and cast light over your neck where your head had fallen back in pleasure; or your collarbones, exposed where your dress had been pulled down; or your chest, rising quickly with the speed of your panting breaths.

Ogling you in the rearview mirror made him feel like a total creep, but it satisfied a bit of the urge he'd been feeling ever since he started driving you. He wasn't actually a driver, at least not usually; he was more or less your bodyguard at this point, but you were really adamant about having a small detail and so that was why he was working double-duty tonight… and why he'd been doing so for almost three months now.

"Baby," you gasped, and his eyes shot right back to your reflection; you were writhing against the seat, and he could just barely see the top of the guy's head where it was buried between your legs. You took your bottom lip between your teeth, lips curling into a relaxed smile. His cock was not only hard but throbbing at this point, as if that was going to do him any good. He barely ever got to look at you, and he knew he would never, ever be able to touch you— beyond holding your hand as you stepped out of the car, at least. Whenever he did that, he imagined for a moment that he wasn't your driver at all but your date, that he would get to keep your hand as he guided you down the red carpet with him. Not that he wanted any of the attention that you got, of course, but at the same time he did like the idea of all those photographers snapping pictures of his arm around your waist, or you looking up at him with your hand on his chest. They'd all run stories wondering what a beautiful, successful, massively talented woman like you was doing with a guy like him, but he wouldn't find the energy to care about crap like that if he had you all to himself.

Another whimper from you pulled him out of his daydream, reminding him to focus on the road as best he could. He knew you would hate him if you knew that he'd thought about you like that. Or if you knew about all those times he'd checked in on you while you slept at night and lingered a bit too long. Or if you knew that he had rewatched that one sex scene you'd done in your last movie about a thousand times. It always broke his heart to see you underneath some other guy (his name was either Dermot Mulroney or Dylan McDermott or possibly Dermot McDermott?) and yet it turned him on like nothing else to watch you immersed in pleasure. Similarly, now, he couldn't stand knowing it was someone else making you moan the way he was hearing, but it was the best he was ever gonna get.

"Oh god," you sighed, "fuck, yes, yes, oh my god yes—"

His grip tightened on the steering wheel and it must have been the noise of the leather stretching that made you notice him; as if every dream and nightmare of his was coming true at once, your gaze met his in the reflection of the rearview.

He was so screwed, and he was totally going to get fired tomorrow, but he couldn't look away. Your eyes were like dark magic the way they pulled him in, kept him locked on you as his face started to burn so hot it could cook an egg.

Staring you down, he saw your mouth fall slack as your hands reached down to grab your date's hair and tighten into fists. Shivers shot down his spine as he imagined the way it would feel if you pulled his hair like that.

The longer you kept looking at him, the more a very dangerous thought danced in the back of his mind…

What if she wants me to watch?

Which, even more concerningly, started to slowly morph into another idea…

What if she wants me?

He was sure you were coming. It wasn't obvious; you didn't say anything, didn't moan too loud, didn't scream or sob or call out any names (which made it easier to pretend it was for him) but he could tell. Your swollen lips were parted silently as he watched your breath catch in your chest, and your hands clenched around fistfuls of hair. What he would give for you to pull his hair like that, and come for him like that— except he wouldn't have stopped there, unlike your current companion who was already moving back up your body to kiss you hungrily.

He'd always thought you had really pretty hands, and they looked pretty good sliding over the back of this guy's suit jacket, but he liked them best when they gently pushed him off. "We're almost there," you mumbled as Bucky turned the car into the driveway, using his fob to open the gate.

Once he'd come to a stop outside your door and turned off the engine, the three of you exited and stood up as you yawned and stretched.

"You'll take Jack here home, right?" you asked Bucky quickly.

"It's Jake…" the man corrected with hesitance.

"Right, Jake," you smiled, "you'll take him to his place, right?"

Bucky gave the guy a smile dripping with gloating contempt, loving the disappointed look he was wearing as he realized he wasn't going to be spending the night in your bed. "It'd be my pleasure," he announced coldly.

"Great, thanks," you sighed. Standing on your tiptoes to give the guy a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the shoulder, you thanked him for a great night and made your way into the house.

Jake looked around in confusion for a moment before getting back in the car along with Bucky, sighing and running his fingers through his hair.

"What address am I going to?"

"Uh, 333 15th Street, in Brooklyn," the guy replied, pausing to let out a soft but incredulous laugh as the car began to move. "Level with me, man: does she… do this kind of thing, a lot? You know: bring guys over, make it seem like something's gonna… happen, but then just send ‘em back home and never call again?"

With a silent glare, Bucky rolled up the partition.

You heard the front door, even from your current location of the shower upstairs, and knew Bucky was home— okay, not exactly ‘home’ since he didn't leave here full-time, but home in the sense that he was in your home and in the place he would be staying tonight. You just hoped he'd actually stopped the car before kicking Jake out; he never cared much for when you had guys over or really just interacted with guys at all, because of the "security risks" or whatever.

Next, you heard him coming up the stairs and passing by your door. "Hey, Bucky, you out there?" you called to him.

"Yeah, what is it?" he answered through the door. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just—" you stopped when you heard the crinkling of paper. "What is that? Do you have food?"

"Um, yeah," he answered.

Your stomach growled; the event had only had tiny hors d'oeuvres, and the alcohol in your system enhanced your desire for a midnight snack. "What kinda food?"

"It's a sandwich— well, what's left of one: I was eating it while I waited for you."

"Are you gonna finish it?" you asked curiously.

"No, I was thinking I'd put it in the fridge for tomorrow."

You paused a bit before asking, "Can I have it?"

"Yeah, sure, you can get it in the morning—" he began.

"No, now!" you clarified.

There was a pause before he responded. "Right now? In the shower?"

"Yeah, just bring it in here!"

"I-I'll let you finish showering first—" he stammered.

"No, Bucky," you whined, "just come in here! I'm hungry!"

Another pause before he finally opened the door, his blurry figure visible through the steam-covered frosted glass.

"What's on it?" you asked as you washed the last of your shampoo out of your hair.

"It's pastrami on rye with jalapeños, fresh mozzarella, pesto and some sort of spicy aioli or something."

"Ooh, come to mama," you purred as you reached over the top of the door with opening-and-closing grabby hands, squeeing with glee when he placed the wax paper package in your grasp.

"Okay, enjoy your drunken shower sandwich," he congratulated grimly, about to turn and leave.

"No, wait, where'd you get this?" you asked as you leaned out of the stream of hot water to unwrap your bounty.

"Uh, you know the deli on 8th and Columbus?"

"You went all the way out there?"

"No, I had it delivered."

You snorted with laughter. "Couldn't leave me alone for even a minute, huh?"

"Well, I fully intended on leaving you alone for this shower."

But you didn't really notice that comment because you'd just taken a bite and couldn't stop yourself from moaning loudly around it. "Oh my god, Bucky, this is so good!"

He cleared his throat. "Uh, glad you like it."

"You have good taste in sandwiches!"

"I think the word for 'taste in sandwiches' is just 'taste,’” he pointed out, his smirk audible in his voice.

"Can we go to this place tomorrow and you can order for me?"

"We can do whatever you want tomorrow," he relented.

"If you drive, I'll pay,” you offered.

"I always drive. And you always pay,” he pointed out.

You frowned, not visible to him through the steamy glass. "I do?"

"You pay my salary, so, yeah…"

You laughed, a little too hard. "You're so smart!"

"Sure,” he replied quickly.

“Okay, I’m almost done in here,” you informed him.

“With the sandwich or the shower?”

You laughed with a little snort, which would’ve embarrassed sober you. “Both!”

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it then,” he replied, starting to go back out the door.

“See you tomorrow, Bucky,” you waved even though he couldn’t see it.

“I don’t know that I will,” he admitted, “you’ll probably be hungover and lock yourself in your room all day.”

“Hmm, possibly,” you agreed as you pondered that. “Then I guess just ‘goodnight,’ and I’ll see you when I see you.”

“Goodnight,” he replied and stepped out of the bathroom— you could hear him go downstairs and shut the door to his room, and you glanced down at the last bite of your/his sandwich with a smile.

You must have gotten in bed at some point, cause that was the last thing you could really remember before you woke up a bit before noon, bright orange sunlight shining directly on your face where it rested on the pillow. You groaned and turned over, feeling like your brain was too big for your skull. You sat up when you saw a menagerie of unfamiliar items on your nightstand. A bottle of pedialyte, a bottle of Fiji water, a few aspirin, an orange and a banana waited for you in a pile, with a little piece of paper sitting in front which you read.

Hope you’re feeling alright, these might help in the meantime. -B

You smiled, twisting open the Fiji and taking a sip. Bucky always took such good care of you, even in ways he didn’t need to. What would you do without him?

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x y/n

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spidernerdsblog · 3 years

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Match made in Hell : Chapter Twelve

A/N : Chapter twelve is here. Ah only one more chapter left. Hope you like this chapter. Let me know what you think.

Pairing : Mob! Tom Holland x Reader

Summary : you always wanted a simple life but to be born as the daughter of a dangerous mobster turned out to be a curse for you. Everything changes when your father gets your lover killed and forcefully marries you off to another mobster as a part of a deal. You hate your father and your husband the only thing you seek is now revenge. Will you ever be able to fall in love again or this burning hatred inside you will consume you?

Warnings : fluff, pregnancy, misogyny, mention of blood, violence, language, missed typos.

SERIES MASTERLIST

“What's wrong?” Vanessa looks at you questioningly.

“I think I might have had skipped for a couple of days,” you admit, scrunching your nose.

“Can you be less vague? Cause I’m not getting it” she deadpans as you scowl at her for not getting your implication.

“Okay so I got shot a month ago I hope you remember that. I was on medication right? Well a lot of medications actually” you half shrug “so with all that going on I may or may not have forgotten to take the pills during that time and we got caught up in the moment at one time and things just happened you know”

“Well you guys are literal horndogs I have no doubt in that” she rolls her eyes “but you need to take the test” she states out to you.

“What? Now?” you looked at her stunned.

“Yes and right now” she stresses on her words.

“But I don't have any test kits at this moment” you mutter

“Then I'll ask someone to get them from the store”

“No! don’t tell anyone especially the boys” you give her a panicked look and Vanessa scoffs.

“OK relax I'll go and get it for you” saying so she left immediately. It took half an hour for Vanessa to make a trip round to the store as you waited for her in your room anxiously.

“Here” she hands you the pregnancy test kit. You nibble on to your bottom lip glancing back and forth between the box and her face.

“C'mon go on” she urged you on. You finally stood up and went inside the bathroom. Closing the door behind you let out a deep sigh taking one last glance at the box before opening it. After reading the instructions carefully you proceeded to do accordingly. When you were done you placed the stick on the marble counter and opened the door for Vanessa to come in.

“Done” you inform her.

“OK, now we wait,” she says, glancing at her watch. Five minutes appeared to be five years for you as you paced back and forth while Vanessa chewed on her nails leaning on the counter in anticipation.

“OK it’s time” she announces and you feel your heartbeat quicken. You took a deep breath and stepped forward to have a look but immediately backed off feeling anxious.

“Oh god I can't look at it” you wrap your arms around yourself.

“What?” Vanessa looks at you puzzled.

“You check it for me please I can’t” you gave her an earnest look.

“You're so dramatic” she rolls her eyes and goes to check the result and falls silent taking the test in hand.

“What? What is it?” you ask impatiently.

“Negative” she answers.

“Negative? Really?” you weren't convinced with the result as you looked at her with doubt in your eyes.

“Yeah” she confirms again.

“Oh that's a relief heh” you chuckle lightly “I told you before only it's just a stomach bug”

“You're upset that it's negative, aren’t you?” Vanessa gives you a knowing look.

“What? No I mean… yeah a little it wouldn't be bad you know but nevermind” you fiddle with your hands fumbling on your words.

“So you wanted a baby?” she raises her eyebrows questioningly.

“I mean yeah I love kids and wouldn't mind one of my own specially if it’s a cute little version of my husband running around the house on his little feet” you expressed your little desire.

“You sure?” she reasserts, raising her eyebrows as the corner of her mouth picks into a smile.

“Yeah but it doesn't matter anyways cause the test is negative as you said” you shrugged letting off the thought.

“Well then good news sissy it's actually positive” Vanessa smiles at you widely and you were taken aback.

“What?! You serious?” she nods, holding out the stick in front of you to see it yourself.

“Oh my god you bitch!” you gasp “who's dramatic now huh?” you scowl, hitting her arm lightly.

“Ow! At least I helped you figure out what you actually feel about the whole thing” she places her hands on your shoulders “congratulations sister you’re gonna have a baby!”

“I’m gonna have a baby” you repeat that to yourself. You still couldn’t believe that this was happening as you placed a hand gently over your stomach

“And I'm going to be an aunt. I’m so happy for you guys” she hugs you tightly but soon your face drops as you pull away from her with a worried expression.

“What happened? Why again the gloomy face?” Vanessa nudges you.

“I don’t want my baby to be part of this bloodshed. I have been trying to run away from this and here I’m again pushing my child right into that same hell hole” you rant with tears in your eyes.

“I think you need to first talk to Tom and then make a decision. You understand?” you nod “everything will be fine don’t worry” she pulls you in her embrace comforting you.

It was almost a week that you got to know you were pregnant but still you couldn’t break the news to Tom, you just didn’t have the nerves to do it yet.

****

You stood by the mirror glancing at your reflection though there wasn’t a visible bump but you still rubbed your hand over your belly. The thought of a life growing inside made your heart swell with warmth. Somehow you felt more livelier than you have ever been a certain glow emanating through your features. Maybe this is what people meant by pregnancy glow. You felt happy and content from inside out, you felt complete as if you had found the missing piece of your life. But you still had to tell Tom and the only person you could think of for some advice was your mom as you finally called her.

“Hi sweetie” your mother’s sweet voice comes from the other end.

“Hey mom”

“So what reminds my daughter about her old mother?” she snickers.

“Mom! you really think that I called for another favor” you grimace.

“Well you don't call much for me to think otherwise”

“C'mon mom you know my situation with dad”

“Yeah, yeah I'm just messing with you now, what’s the matter? you sound stressed” she observed.

“I... just really miss you” you sigh

“Sweetie, is everything alright?” she asks with concern.

“Yeah just wanted to hear your voice that’s all”

“I'm your mother Y/N, I can totally feel that something is bothering my little girl?”

“Mom, can I ask you something?” you say taking a deep breath.

“Anything honey”

“Were you scared when you first came to know that you were pregnant with me?”

“What?”

“I mean to say that I was totally unplanned and for my sake you had to marry that man so were you scared thinking about what your future will be in a crime family?”

“Well honestly I had little choice in that matter. I was stuck in the middle of the rivalry so in order to keep you safe I married him. But honey the day I held you in my arms all my fears went away. The only thing I know is that I can spend the rest of my life looking at you. You were never a mistake you were the best gift given to me”

“That's nice to hear” you smile

“But why after so many years you are bringing this up?”

“Nothing I just have somethings in my mind going on right now and it feels a lot” you try to shrug it off.

“Sweetie, what are you hiding from me?” she prods.

“Nothing mom I swear!” you exclaim.

“I know very well what this ‘nothing mom’ means c'mon tell me”

“Well I'm pregnant” you inform as you hear her gasp.

“What?! Oh my god I can't believe my ears, is this really true? This isn’t a prank right? Like you used to do when you were little”

“No mom it isn’t a prank” you reassure her lightly chuckling.

“Oh god I'm so happy for you honey. My little girl is going to be a mom herself? When did she grow so big?” she shrieks eyes welling up in happiness “Does Tom know?”

“Not yet” you inform.

“Not yet? Why what's wrong? Does he not want it?”

“No it’s nothing like that… actually I myself don’t know. This just happened so suddenly though I was thrilled initially but now I’m worried actually scared I-I don't think I will be a good mother. I mean my life is already a mess. I don't want to give this life to my child. They don't deserve this”

“Listen to me Y/N no one is perfect even I made mistakes too and that’s how we learn. How much ever you want to plan your life Y/N, it will always have a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned” she makes you understand “Tom is a nice guy I’m sure he’ll always be by your side. And I know my girl too and how much strong she is you have got this Y/N just believe in yourself and Tom”

“Thanks mom really needed to hear this from you”

“Anytime honey now take some rest and then tell everything to Tom, speak to you soon, love you”

“Love you too mom” you end the call feeling lighthearted as if a weight has been lifted off your chest. You grew up in a very dysfunctional family which made you yearn for a perfect happy family and when you have finally got it you’re not going to let anything mess it up at any cost.

****

The basement of your mansion was kind of Tom’s personal hell. He had particularly made it to held people captive for whoever dared to cross him and torture them to death. You were actually never allowed down there but today you got to join him. As you approached the room in the basement you heard screams and groans of a man in pain. Tom opened the door and you both stepped inside to find Ethan tied up in a chair beaten mercilessly barely conscious groaning in pain. His body was pale and face bruised with a black eye, nose bleeding, jaw swollen from the right temple down the cheek. Harrison was standing in front of him in a black tank top and jeans all worked up heaving in anger as you noticed his bloody knuckles. Two other lackeys were also present to help him with the interrogation.

“Haz anything so far?” Tom asks, lighting up a cigarette.

“Nothing till now this bastard won't speak up” he mutters, grabbing a fistful of Ethan’s silky black hair and tugging it harshly. Tom stalks towards him and bents down blowing the smoke on his face

“Well mate you have to speak up some or the other time” he smirks with a condescending tone.

“Over my dead body” Ethan grits under his teeth glaring at him.

“Sooner or later you are gonna end up dead anyways but not before you tell us everything you know about the rest of the viper gang”

“You think you can torture me to disclose everything” he snickers weakly “nah you have got the wrong man dude. You gotta do lot more than this”

“You know what Ethan? I'm not good with patience so the sooner you speak up the sooner you get your sweet death”

“And I think I’ve got the time of the world” he laughs tauntingly “why don’t you ask your wife to do it? Maybe she can seduce everything out of me like the pathetic whore she is” he slurs at you with a mocking tone. Tom clenches his jaw as his hands balled into tight fists and in no time he lands a punch right at his jugular as he coughs up blood.

“Watch your bloody mouth!” Tom growls, grabbing him by his collar “you really don’t know how tempted I am to cut you into pieces one by one as I watch you slowly bleed to death” he mutters, looking at him with malice in his eyes.

The scene in front of you wasn’t that pleasant though you’re used to it but with the raging pregnancy hormones everything seemed heightened for you. The room began to feel stuffy as you found it difficult to breathe adding to that the raunchy putrid smell of blood mixed with the smell of nicotine in the room swept through your nose which made your stomach churn and you tasted bile. The urge to throw up grew strong for you to hold it any longer. You grabbed your mouth, letting out a muffled "excuse me" you ran upstairs to your room.

“Y/N?” Tom lets go of Ethan and calls you back worriedly as everyone’s attention turns to you.

“You go check I can handle this” Harrison assures exchanging glances with Tom as he nodded and sprinted off to your bedroom. He finds the bathroom locked as he hears gagging noises from inside.

“Y/N, love you alright?” He knocks on the door

“Yeah I'm fine” you answer before throwing up again. When you were sure that there’s nothing left for you to throw up you stepped out of the bathroom face flushed and exhausted. Tom hastily went to hold your hand.

“Oh my god are you ok?” he gasps lightly

“Yes Tom I’m fine don’t worry” you tell him

“You don't look fine to me” he drapes a hand around your shoulders and slowly walks you towards the bed and makes you sit down.

“Tom it's ok”

“Y/N we need to go see a doctor now” he insists.

“No, no it’s fine a little rest will be enough for me”

“I’m not listening to anything, wait I-I’m calling the doctor at home only” he fumbles pulling out his phone from his pocket to make a call.

“Tom, relax! It's totally normal in the first months of pregnancy” you exclaim

“What?!” Tom frowns as your eyes go wide realizing your slip up “Did you just say pregnancy?” he reiterates.

“Yes” you sigh standing up “I'm pregnant….with our child” you reveal placing your hand over your belly and Tom’s expression changed into a mix of shock and happiness.

“What? You're serious? You-you aren't kidding right?”

“Do I seem to be in the state of joking?” you raise your eyebrows unamused.

“Yeah, yeah right” he mumbles to himself as he processes the news and soon after excitement takes over him “Oh god Y/N this is such great news!” He lifts you up and does a little spin.

“Oh my god Tom put me down!” you squeal

“Oh I’m sorry” he puts you down “I’m just so excited. When did you get to know?”

“A week ago” you said meekly.

“And you didn't tell me? Why?” you felt a little intimidated under his questioning gaze. Even before you could say something he made his own assumption.

“Wait, you don't want this, is that why?” he looks at you with dreaded eyes

“No, No, no that's not what it is?” you shake your head vigorously in disapproval “you have got it all wrong”

“Then what is it Y/N?” he asks you softly.

“It's actually the opposite. I was just scared as it was totally unplanned and with all this going on with my father you are already tensed. I wasn’t sure how you would react” you rambled.

“Oh darling” he breathes out cupping your face gently with his broad hands “you don't know today you have made me the happiest man on this fucking world. This is everything I wanted honey. You, me and our perfect little happy family” you smiled at him as he carefully placed his hands on your belly.

“How far are you? Is everything normal? Are you both ok?” he badgered you with questions.

“I... actually thought you would come with me on my first checkup” you looked at him bashfully “it's-it's just I wanted you to be there with me if you aren't too busy”

“Of course love, no work is more important than you and my little one” he beams with joy. Tom didn’t waste a second to call at the hospital to schedule your appointment.

“Mr. and Mrs. Holland” the nurse calls out

“Yes?” you both respond standing up from your seats.

“Dr. Martin is ready to see you” she informs and leads you inside the room.

“Please lie down” she instructs and you follow by lying down on the examination chair while Tom sits on the chair beside you. The nurse then leaves the room and soon after the doctor arrives. She was a middle aged woman and looked quite experienced as she greeted you warmly.

“Hello Mrs. Holland, I’m Dr. Martin”

“Hello doctor” you smiled courteously.

“So how are you feeling today?”

“I feel fine, doctor, just a little bit tired...” you were quickly cut off by Tom

“No doctor she got really sick and nauseous the other day” he puts forth his concern.

“Morning sickness is normal at this time Mr. Holland. There’s nothing to worry about” she reassures him.

“See?” you whisper with a knowing glare. Tom still wasn’t convinced but let it go for now.

“Ready to have a first look at your baby?” she asks cheerfully as you nod, lifting your shirt up. She rubbed the cool gel on your lower stomach while Tom held your hand tightly. Then she switches the monitor on and runs the tool on your belly. A hazy black and white image appears on the screen as the room fills with the rhythmic beeping of heartbeat. You and Tom stare at the monitor in awe.

“You see right here?” the doctor points at the middle of the screen with a pen.

“Awww that's our baby” you squeeze Tom's hand gently, a stray tear of joy rolls down your cheek. Tom was himself brimming with emotions, he knelt down and kissed your forehead with adoration as you noticed London’s most feared mobster’s eyes wet.

“I can already pick the heartbeats” she reveals further as you both give her a puzzled look.

“Heartbeats? As in plural” Tom asked in shock.

“Yeah two heartbeats” she confirms “you're going to have twins Mrs. Holland” she adds. You gasped and smiled instantly feeling giddy and overwhelmed at the news.

“We're gonna have twins” you looked up at him with a sparkle in your eyes.

“Yes we are, love” a wide smile spread across his face “you gotta admit I did a really good job in there though” he whispers cockily and there he was back again in his usual self.

“Tom!” you glared, squeezing his hand tightly.

“Ow! Sorry, sorry” he chuckles when you both were interrupted as Dr Martin began to speak again.

“You are approximately 8 weeks and all parameters seem to be normal. The babies are growing fine, nothing to worry about. After 10 weeks we can identify the genders” she elucidates “But you have to be extra careful as you are a new mom and with twins. Everything will be doubled for you so maintaining a proper diet, getting a good amount of sleep is very important. No heavy lifting and most importantly no stress at all as it directly affects the babies. The expectant mother should always be happy” she advises.

“We’ll keep that in mind doc thank you so much” Tom acknowledges her.

“Well then I’ll see you on your next check up. Do you want the prints of the ultrasound?”

“Yes please” you both said together.

“Ok I’ll get it right away”

On the way back home the whole ride Tom kept rambling about how everything needed to be baby proofed and keep everything ready as if you are going to labor tomorrow itself. He even suggested that he shift your bedroom downstairs so that you don’t have to climb up the stairs. You had to literally ask him to shut up and relax that you have seven more months to go.

****

You were about to get off the bed when Tom came in with a huge tray of food.

“Good morning love” he went and sat in front placing the tray on his lap as you looked at the amount of food which was double than you usually have.

“What's all this Tom?” you ask frowning.

“Breakfast in bed”

“I can see that but is this a breakfast for a giant? What's with these enormous portions?” you pointed out.

“If I may remind you, you are now eating for three so you have to eat accordingly”

“In no way I'm going to eat that much” you stated firmly

“But darling…”

“Nope, not happening. I said no means no” you shake your head side to side “I don’t want to get fat because after a few I’m gonna be all big and round anyways and then you wouldn't look at me” your hormones getting the best of your insecurities as you rambled without much thinking.

“Hey look at me” he holds your chin between his index and thumb fingers making you look at him “you seriously think that? You. will. always. be. the prettiest woman for me do you understand?” he asks as you nod “I bet you are going to be the most beautiful mom. Our kids are lucky to have a fearless, confident woman like you as their mother” he says looking deep into your eyes “and I can’t wait to see you all big and round” he adds smiling.

“But I’m still not gonna eat all of it”

“Ok you can eat as much you can no pressure” he assures you as you take the fruit bowl in your hand and start to munch on the fruits one by one going into a deep thought.

“Now what is going on in that mind of yours?” he asks breaking you out of your thoughts.

“I think we should tell everyone I mean your mom and dad then the boys they would be thrilled to know”

“So you wanna invite them over lunch?” he offers.

“Yeah that will be really nice”

****

Tom’s family arrived on time, after lunch all of you gathered in the living room as you and Tom stood in the middle. Everyone looked at you both expectantly though Tom’s dad had a disinterested look like all times.

“Sorry for the short notice but this was kind of important and we were really excited to share this news with you” you started.

“Did the police catch your father?” Harry asks out of nowhere

“That would have been really nice but unfortunately no”

“Then what is it?” Harrison asks impatiently.

“Well….we’re pregnant” you both announce.

“What?!” everyone collectively gasped.

“Is it true?” Nikki looked between you two

“Yes mum” Tom confirms bashfully wrapping a hand around your waist and pulling you closer.

“Oh my god this is such good news” she gets up to you and takes your hands in hers “I’m so happy for you” she cradles the side of your face lovingly.

“Finally I'm going to get to see the face of my grandson, my heir. That's some good news after all huh” Tom’s dad remarks with gruff in his voice as Nikki looks at you apologetically.

“Actually dad, we're going to have twins,” Tom added.

“Well that’s good, can't wait to meet my grandsons as they’re going to take over our business in future” he said still emphasizing on having a son and honestly neither you nor Tom wanted your twins to join the mob.

“Oh dear now that’s something big” Nikki tries to lighten the mood “I remember when I was with Harry and Sam it was a lot of cravings and mood swings get ready for it Tom” she snickers as she starts to give you some helpful tips to make everything a little easier for you as this is your first time.

“Congratulations bro” Harrison goes and hugs Tom tightly.

“Thanks man”

“So I’m gonna be the godfather I assume?” he asks.

“Well we’re yet to decide that” Tom snickers.

“What? C’mon man I’m your best friend and I’m going to be the godfather, that’s final. I know Y/N is still angry at me which by the way is your fault but I’ll manage her” he states confidently

“Good luck with that,” Tom laughs. Everyone left after sometime leaving you both all by yourselves in your house. Tom turns to smiling.

“What?” you ask.

“Close your eyes,” he says.

“Why?” you look at him skeptically

“You still don’t trust me don’t you?”

“No” you quip with a smirk.

“Just close your eyes please I have something to show to you” he pouts with puppy eyes

“Okay” you close your eyes “happy?”

“Yes now come with me”

“Where are you taking me?” you ask again.

“You’ll see soon” he takes your hand and carefully guides you up the stairs. He brings you in front of a room with a large wooden door and slowly clicks the door open.

“Now open your eyes” he whispers softly into your ears. You flutter your eyes open to be awestruck as you look inside the room. It was a nursery for your twins. You looked at everything with wide eyes, two twin cribs situated in the middle with cute plushies in it, the walls painted in soft pastel gender neutral shades, the lighting of the room well coordinated making it look warm and cozy. An armchair for you to take rest.

“How is it?” Tom's voice breaks you out of your thoughts.

“Tom, it’s-it’s beautiful” you breathe out “but when did you?” you looked at him quizzical

“Well as soon as you told me I called in some favors and had this room renovated” he reveals to you.

“It's-it's really beautiful Tom” you walked further into the room towards the cribs. Brushing your hand over the wooden railings you picked up the baby towel and rubbed it against your cheek feeling the soft texture.

“Sorry I don't have much idea about all this stuff, I just tried my best to make it as comfortable for you three. If you want anything else just tell me I'll get it done” he says scratching the back of his neck.

“Tom, it's perfect. You did a great job. I love it” you take his hand and place it over your belly “and they are gonna love it too” you reassure him.

“I installed a music system too” he adds, turning on the music as he wraps his hands around your waist and sways gently to the music “it's said that listening to calming music helps during this time”

“Someone has been busy reading I see” you tease.

“Well I just want to be there for you guys” he shrugs nonchalantly.

“Aww where did this softy come from? What did you do to my terrifying ruthless mobster husband?” you joke laughing.

“Haha very funny” he scoffs when you finally notice the lyrics of the song.

“Is this our wedding song?” you ask with a knowing smile.

“Yep”

I know you haven't made your mind up yet But I would never do you wrong I've known it from the moment that we met No doubt in my mind where you belong

“Did I ever tell you how bloody gorgeous you looked that day? Just like an angel from the heavens”

“Oh shut up!” you blushed, hitting his chest playfully.

“What? I’m serious” he laughs “couldn’t take my eyes off you”

“Well you didn’t look bad either” you snicker resting your head on his chest “that was such a long time ago isn’t it?”

“Hmm” he hums

“If anybody had told me that we will end up like this I would have never believed it at all” you chuckle at the memories of the numerous heated arguments you had with each other. But now you find solace in each other's arms.

“We have come a long way” he sighs as you feel him tense under you. Something was still bothering him, you knew it for sure.

“Wanna sit down?” you posed

“No it’s fine I’m not tired”

“Well I am pregnant with twins you know heh” he lets go of you and you go and sit on the floor near the cribs back resting against them. You pat on the empty spot beside you urging him to sit down too. He comes and sits down tilting his head on your shoulder as you run your fingers through his soft brown curls.

“I needed to say something to you” he finally lets out.

“Go on I’m listening”

“Don't mind my dad's words I don't care if they are girls or boys I just want you three to be healthy and safe” he says as you go to kiss his forehead lovingly “If you ask me personally I would be thrilled to have two mini Y/Ns” he add.

“Careful what you wish for Mr. Holland you don’t want thrice the trouble do you?” you chuckle.

“Gladly Mrs. Holland” he laughs before turning all gloomy again “do you think they would like me?”

“You are their father Tom they would always love you”

“But what if they don't? What if they hate me when they come to what kind of man their dad is and everything he has done in his life?” he rambles.

“Tom as the eldest son you didn't have a choice they would surely understand” you try your best to make him understand.

“I don't know Y/N, you know my dad wasn't that present for us. It was just us and mum. And when time came all of a sudden I was accompanying him killing people and beating them to death. I want to change that I want to be there for them, for you in every step of your life and most importantly I don’t want that life for them” he rants out.

“Honey, you wanting to do things right has already made you the best father in the world. They are gonna be so proud of their daddy” you cradle his face affectionately.

“You know what, I'm going to stop doing all the illegal trades” he blurts out.

“What do you mean?” you frown at him.

“Means no more shark loaning, extortion, gambling, contract killing everything, everything that's against the laws. I have already made a lot of enemies” he places a hand on your stomach “and I'm not gonna let them inherit this curse too. I need to cut off my ties with the underworld”

“But what about your dad I don't think he would agree with and your brothers then Harrison?”

“Dad will be angry I'm sure of that but Harrison, Sam and Harry would understand. I want to make sure that you all are safe and no more hiding skeletons in the closet” he gives you a determined look as you smile.

“Do whatever is necessary I'll always be there by your side cause I love you”

“I love you too” he says back as your lips meet softly into a chaste kiss.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true Nothing that I wouldn't do Go to the ends of the Earth for you To make you feel my love To make you feel my love

****

You woke up the next morning hearing some commotion outside your room. You could hear Tom yelling at his men judging by the tone he was furious.

“What?!” he was shocked “how did this happen?! And what were you morons doing at that time?!”

“Sir-sir” the men stuttered in fear.

“I don't want to hear a fucking word from your mouths! Go and find him now or I'll kill you” he threatens “now get out of my sight!” meanwhile, you slip off the bed and put on your robe before stepping out of your room.

“Tom is everything alright” you ask with a worried expression.

“Oh I'm sorry darling did I wake you up? It’s nothing, go back to sleep there will be no more disturbance” he pretends to act like everything is ok.

“Tom, stop lying, what is it? What has happened?” you enquire.

“Nothing darling I promise” he tries his best to convince you but you weren’t buying any of it.

“You're not gonna tell me? fine! I'll go and find out myself” you glower at him.

“Y/N no wait you” he stops you, catching hold of your hand.

“Then tell me what it is?” you demand with a serious look on your face.

“Ethan escaped”

..................................................................................

Taglist in bio.

#tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland smut #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #mob! tom holland #mob! tom

295 notes · View notes

shishibloomy · 3 years

Note

Hello! I love the Shishigumi and they don’t get enough love! I was hoping you could, if comfortable, how the Shishigumi members react to their s/o having a mental disorder (anxiety/depression etc.) and what they do to comfort them/how they react and or feel. If not then delete this :)

Ill stick with the anxiety/depression stuff cus thats what I’m most familiar with.

Ibuki I feel like Ibuki would be one of the best people to have with you if you’re going through an anxiety attack or a depressive episode. He’ll be there with you through every thing and he’ll know how to balance letting you take time to rest but also getting you up to get you moving. I think he would also appreciate that you’re showing this side of yourself to him and being vulnerable. He’ll probably start opening up to you more as well and it’ll be more time for both of you to bond. Talking is going to be very important for him. He's had to hide his struggles behind the mask of being a strong lion so having someone he can open to is going to be refreshing for him; he might end up talking more than you because he feels so comfortable with you. After the first couple of times of it happening, he’ll figure out a routine for you that will get you up and running. If you're having anxiety doing something, he'll be there with you through it all. If it gets very bad, he'll give you the comfiest hug in the world until you stop feeling so anxious. He keeps your hand in his and squeezes it to let you know that he's there with you. He's honestly a giant lion teddy bear, and one thats happy to be cuddling with you too.

Miguel

With Miguel, his first thought will be to get you up and active. He'll make sure to only do as much as you're comfortable with; he just doesn't want you to fall into a rut. He'll take you to walks and low impact workouts and use them as an opportunity for you to open up to him about whatevers going on with you. His usual intense gaze softens up incredibly; he doesn't want you to feel intimidated from him. He does a lot of comfortable touches that help you relax, like keeping your hand in his or rubbing your arm. If the two of you are walking somewhere, he'll have his arm wrapped around you the whole time and keep you flushed against him, it's especially nice during the winter time. Even though he tries to get you more active, he'll also be doing so much for you during this time. If you don't feel like eating, he'll make something for you that you'll like; if you're laying down somewhere and you need to go somewhere, he'll just pick you up and take you somewhere. If you have issues with anxiety, he'll work with you ot build up your confidence... by getting you to work out more. Not because it's anything related to your physical appearance but working out in a gym infront of people will make you more comfortable. He'll be with you the whole time so if you start getting very uncomfortable, you can tell him and he'll stop.

Free

Free suddenly becomes so serious with his s/o. Yes he is reckless himself but when it comes to someone he cares about, you bet he's going to watch out for them. He drinks and does a lot of silvervine, but in front of you he'll never do it because substances like that can make depression and anxiety worse. If you want to just lay down and not do anything, he's going to take that as an opportunity to lay with you and cuddle you. He's going to be talking to you a lot to keep your mind active and it's going to be the randomest things ever (most of which he got from Agata). He just wants to laugh with you and hear your happy voice again. He's not the best at talking about his feelings but he's going to try and open up so that you feel comfortable talking to him. It's going to be stuff like "I know shit sucks sometimes but it'll get better babe." Also, expect his regular affection do increase even more. If you're making breakfast, he'll hug you from behind the whole time or try to make it for you; if you're doing stuff in public, he'll never let go of your hand; he's going to be giving you kisses every minute too. He wants you to feel very loved the whole time.

Agata

Agata is someone who wants to be more comfortable talking about his feelings so when he sees you going through some depression or having anxiety, he'll spend a lot of time making sure you're feeling ok and asking how you're doing. He doesn't want you to have to hold everything in like he had to and pretend like everything was ok. He's very sensitive about things so he'll pick up right away if you aren't feeling ok. He's going to try to get you to play a lot of really fun, feel good, or goofy games with him. Think Mario Party, Animal Crossing, Minecraft, Roblox, etc. He'll bring you a lot of snacks you like and some new ones both of you guys havent tried before so you can eat them together. After you start opening up to him, he'll start telling you how he feels as well. He wants to bond with you and also let you know that you aren't alone in your feelings. I imagine him as someone who also has issues with anxiety stemming from all his pressures to be a strong lion so you’ll both be helping each other in situations where you’re anxious. Lots of hand holding, standing close together, whispering in each other’s ears. You’ll both eventually forget others are there because you’re both so focused on each other

Dolph

Dolph ends up being a leader to the Shishigumi when their actual leader isn't there so he has experience from members who occasionally come up to him and talk him (specifically Agata). He seems like someone who's very intimidating but when he wants to, he can be the sweetest person ever. Whenever you talk to him, it feels very intimate because he keeps very intense eye contact with you. He doesn't do it intentionally but he wants to feel connected to you; if you feel uncomfortable he'll tone it down a bit. Dolph will listen to you a lot and then if you ask for advice, he'll give some. He wants you to know that he's listening to whatever you're saying and that you getting better is the most important thing to him. You'll find him bringing up times when he's had similar issues and how he went through them and survived; he wants you to know that whatever it is that has you depressed is only temporary and you'll get through it. When it comes to your anxiety, he's also like Ibuki in the sense that he's a giant lion teddy bear that you can hug and hold whenever you get anxious. He's going to use his scar as an example; even though he has it over his face, he manages to get through public interactions.

Dope

Dope will know right away that you aren’t feeling good by reading your body language. Even if you don’t tell him, he’ll ask you if everything’s ok and offer you lots and lots of emotional support. He wants you to feel absolutely comfortable telling him everything so he can do something to help you feel better. If you thought that he was good with his words before, he comes to a whole other level to make you feel better. If you talk about yourself in a deprecating way, he's going to correct you right away. It might feel irritating at first but he wants to change your negative way of thinking and eventually you'll notice that you have less deprecating thoughts about yourself too. Until he notices that you start acting like you did before your depressive episode, he's going to dedicate time for you every day where you open up to him about how you're feeling. He'll also make sure to ask you if you want comfort or solutions so he doesn't say anything that might upset you if you just want to vent. If you want solutions, he'll sit with you until you two figure out what works best for you.

Hino

Hino is the king of self care and it’s going to reflect when he helps you during a depressive episode. If you aren’t feeling up for doing anything, he’s going to make sure you’re taking care of your personal hygiene. When you wake up, he’ll do a routine for you (face wash, brushing teeth, putting on some moisturizer and sunscreen) so you feel pampered. He wants you to feel good and fresh physically even if you aren’t feeling the best mentally. He’ll do the same at night and will get new products for both of you to try out; some of them are luxe and some are more silly (face masks that bubble when you put them on and sheet masks that have funny faces on them). He’ll be showering you with compliments the whole time, and they’re all genuine ones; none of those superficial ones. He’ll bring you some new clothes to try on, it’ll be cute outfits he picks out for you and all of them fit perfectly. Even though this all seems a bit materialistic, he does it all while giving you a lot of emotional support too. These things are just extra stuff to help you feel better because it’s things he likes himself and he wants to do things both of you can enjoy together. I imagine Hino as a very artistic person too so he’ll do art activities with you. Lots of painting how you’re feeling and writing out your feelings in poetry. He’s going to make sure you don’t feel the pressure to make your art look perfect and he’ll share his to show you that your art can be anything you want it to be. If you get anxiety in public, just take him anywhere with you and all the attention will be on him. He will make sure to build up your confidence so that you don’t need to rely on him all the time too and Hino is the best person for a morale boost.

Sabu

Sabu is better at telling you're feeling upset than Dope is. He has his years of experience under his belt and him being quiet means he listens more. You don't even realize it but he's been listening to a lot of the little things you say and from that he picks up that you aren't in the best state of mind. Before you even tell him, you notice that he starts doing a lot of things for you to make your mood better. Whatever he doesn't say with words, he shows with his actions and right now it's that he wants you to feel better. Once you do tell him and open up to him, he makes an effort to try and talk more to you. Similarly to Dolph, he'll mainly listen and then only talk if you ask him to. He's not used to talking about his past so it's going to be a new thing for him to be so open about it but he'll do it so that you feel comfortable. It'll still be short answers but you know that he's trying his best to open up. If you're having anxiety, Sabu will be your silent supporter through all of it. If anyone in particular tries to mess with you, he goes back to his intimidating self and will get them to back off of you right away. Just imagine a scary, scarred lion intimidating someone while holding his s/os hand.

Jinma

When you tell Jinma about how you're feeling, his first train of thought is to find the best therapist in the BAM that you can talk through all of this. He wants to help you through all of it but he knows he has his connections and he could find someone way more qualified. Even if you do go to a therapist, he'll still make sure to check on you through everything. If you really enjoy nature, he'll find the best nature area that the both of you can go to together. If you want to eat something good, he's going to find the best and most exclusive place and somehow manage to get you reservations the day of it all. Whatever you want, he's going to know where to get you the best one of it. If he doesn't know where to get it, he'll know someone else who will. If you're dealing with anxiety issues, he'll make sure to talk to the best therapist and figure out ways to get you comfortable in situations that make you anxious. He'll also try his own things by taking you to places with him so you get more comfortable being in new places. Of course nothing dangerous like gang deals but if he hears about a new place to check out, he's definitely making you tag along so that the two of you can experience it together.

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idkthisisjustforfanfic · 3 years

Text

too soon to tell, chapter t w o

You dropped your bag in the foyer of Harry’s house after work on a Thursday. It was quiet--he wasn’t home yet and you’d keyed in knowing that you’d have some time to yourself.

You felt a vibrating in your pocket when you shrugged off your coat, your visible reflection told you it was a FaceTime call, Alyssa’s name danced across the screen until you slid your thumb to answer.

“Hello, hello,” you greeted, walking to find a seat on the couch.

“Where are you?” She furrowed her brows as she took in your surroundings.

“At Harry’s--he’s out, though.”

She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I will never get sick of you lounging in his house when he’s not there.”

You rolled your eyes at your old roommate’s antics--she’d always been the number one supporter of your relationship and when you texted her earlier saying you needed advice, she promised to call on her lunch break.

“I’m not lounging,” you informed with a shake of your head. “I just got out of work, we’re having dinner tonight.”

“Mr. Popstar isn’t too busy?” She teased, aware of the tension both of your schedules had been causing.

“Apparently not.”

She forked a bite of food into her mouth, the sun was shining through the window behind her, the walls of your old apartment were redecorated now with the art of your replacement. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Sort of,” you leaned back and let out a breath. “I mean, it’s all connected--”

“What is?”

“I’m getting to it,” you made a face at her through the phone. “So--don’t freak out, okay? Cause I don’t even know if anything will come from it and Harry doesn’t know yet.”

She nodded and gestured with her hand for you to get on with it.

Knowing Alyssa, she was already jumping to conclusions in her head. You were pregnant, you were engaged, you quit your job, you had a huge fight with your sister. No, no, no.

“I interviewed for a job in LA...and I haven’t told Harry because all our friends have been so excited about us being in the same spot again but--”

Her eyes went wide at the mention of a US city, she did her best to hold back her smile until it faded when you said: “I don’t know. Something feels off between us.”

“Off between you and Harry? More than just being busy?”

“I’m probably overthinking it but,” you looked around his living room. Pictures of his mum, his sister, his cousins--even his manager--were tucked in frames and placed on shelves. There wasn’t a trace of you in his house except for the toothbrush upstairs and the key on your keyring.

“It feels like we’re not moving forward. And we’ve both been busy, like I’ve told you, but since we don’t live together sometimes we go days without seeing each other and it’s fine, I get that he’s busy, obviously, but--”

“But you want to move in with him.”

“Well, I don’t know--I did, sort of, I think--but then I heard about this job in LA and it sounds amazing but Jessie just moved here and no one will shut up about how great London is.”

Alyssa offered a sympathetic frown and repositioned the bowl in front of her to get another bite. “What’s the job?”

You almost didn’t want to tell her, sure she’d get excited and eager to have you back in the same country. You winced a little, bracing for her reaction. “S’with E! News,” you shrugged. “It’d be on-air.”

“Shut up! Are you serious?!”

“Yes m’serious,” you rolled your eyes. “But I haven’t told any of them because you know how they are.”

She nodded, “Jessie will not want you to take it.”

“God love her, but of course not. And Harry spends time out there, so it might be okay, but it’s not like I could ask him to go with me.”

“Why not? He’s famous, Y/N--he belongs there.”

“It’s too soon,” you whined. “He’s not my fiancé and we don’t live together, so--I don’t want to make it weird.”

“But you love him,” she reasoned.

“Yeah, but s’been weird lately!" You tried to drive home the point. "He’s made no mention of moving in and we’ve been dating for a year and a half, I’ve been in London for over a year now. He’s not even mentioned it, Alyssa, I swear. He’ll say things like ‘one day we can go on vacation,’ and ‘what should we do for Christmas?’ But he’s made no concrete plans to actually have a future with me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t think you’re ready.”

“Maybe he’s not ready,” you volleyed.

“Maybe,” Alyssa shrugged. “But you won’t know if you don’t ask him.”

“But if I ask him and he’s not on the same page I’ll look like an idiot and he’s busy with the album and now I’m thinking about moving to LA and--”

She watched you, waited for you to say more, but you were out of words. You changed gears.

“Maybe we’re just not meant to be long term.”

“Oh come on,” she groaned. “Not this again.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Your whole ‘we should have left it in New York’ shit.”

You lifted your eyebrows to demand further details.

“You were freaked out in the beginning that you’d move back there and it would be weird.”

“And?”

“Was it weird?”

“Not at first, I guess. But I mean, come on---don’t you think we should have taken some kind of step forward by now? Even just mentioning the idea of moving in together?”

“I don’t know,” she said truthfully. “Maybe it’s different with someone like him.”

You rolled your eyes--what if that’s what you were sick of?

People always said that: it’s different because of his job, it’s different because he’s on the road, it’s different because he’s famous.

Of course it was, and that was fine, for a while. But what if Harry’s job always got in the way of feeling normal? What if you couldn’t have a real wedding because of it? What if you could never send your children to summer camp because of it?

Were you willing to sacrifice your own future to live an unconventional life with someone just because you loved him?

“When will you hear back about the job?”

“Dunno--talked to them last week on Monday and they said this week at some point. S'been a while, so hopefully soon.”

You’d been keeping busy, trying to avoid your personal email at all costs and also making sure that Harry had limited visibility of your screen at all times.

“Do you want it?”

You thought on it for a second. Being offered a job at a company like E! would certainly be an ego boost, but the mere thought of having to explain to all of your friends that yes, you’d been back in London for 18 months and now you were packing up and moving even farther away than before wouldn’t be easy. That seemed to be the one certainty in the whole situation: no one would take it well.

“I don’t want to leave everyone here, especially Harry--but I also don’t want to be stupid and think that this relationship is going somewhere if it’s not.”

Alyssa nodded and let out a sigh. “I get that, I mean, of course you have to do what’s best for you. But I’d hate to see you not be with him just because things are hard right now.”

You leaned your head back on the couch and sighed. You didn’t want to break up with Harry. If anything, you wanted to move forward and move in with him and do what you’d always imagined: have a good job, have a few kids, try to be happy.

But what if you’d been naive enough to think you could have all of that with Harry and what if this is how you were finding out that you couldn’t?

Were you still stuck in your teenage fantasy of marrying the boy you'd long been crushing on?

She watched you for a second before she reassured: “you’ll figure it out.”

You smiled, glad you’d called Alyssa if only to have someone talk you off the edge a little bit. You missed waking up one room over and her love for basketball games and New York 99 cent pizza.

“Well it’s not like I have to make a decision right now,” you said. “I haven’t even heard back from them. For all I know they could never reach out again because I bombed my interview.”

She rolled her eyes at your self-deprecation and offered a few final words of encouragement before you hung up and promised to catch up soon.

Ever since you’d left, Alyssa had taken it upon herself to keep you up to date on the ins and outs of New York. New restaurant? She’d send you pictures and a 200 word review. Crazy subway rats making the news again? Articles and video proof would be sent your way in a matter of hours.

She’d gotten a new roommate to fill your bedroom and apparently things weren’t always peachy between them. Peyton was quiet and shy--according to Alyssa. She was up every morning at 6am and in the shower at 6:30. She did yoga in the living room and hated it when Alyssa left empty beer bottles on the coffee table.

Alyssa was starting to lose her shit, swearing up and down that she needed to either pull the trigger and move in with Owen or find a new place altogether. It was my apartment first, she’d say. She should leave, not me.

It had been hard that year to leave the city you’d grown to love but harder to leave Alyssa and Carly and the things that made New York feel like home. It was also, in hindsight, hard to leave the place where you and Harry reconnected and built the foundation of your current relationship.

You heard commotion from the front door only a few minutes later when you rummaged through Harry’s kitchen for a snack.

“Hi,” he called from the other room, a close-lipped smile when you stuck your head around the corner to greet him.

“Hi! How was the photoshoot?”

“Good,” he nodded, watching as you stuck your hand into a box of crackers. “What time are we meeting everyone?”

Right--Thursday also meant dinner somewhere downtown with everyone in tow.

“7pm--but Jessie said we should try to get there early since it’s a new place and no one’s ever been.”

He nodded in acknowledgement of your words but seemed distracted, like his mind was somewhere else and his body was the only thing tying him to the room.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, looking back up at you. “Just a busy day and a busy week.”

You nodded, unsure if he wanted to say more or if you were supposed to have more of a reply than a simple nod of your head.

You’d both been stammering out awkward sentences and trying to dance around the elephant in the room for a few weeks, but now, under his gaze, you felt more uncertain than before.

“Are you okay?” He turned the question around and watched you closely.

“Yeah,” you shrugged, moving to sit on the couch.

“You seem--off.”

You didn’t know what it was. Could he possibly sense the tension in your shoulders as you waited for an email either way? You got the job! We regret to inform you…

Or was he just aware that you felt awkward since it had been almost two weeks since you had any considerable amount of alone time and even longer since you were able to have a date night that wasn’t interrupted by Jeff or Erica or someone who needed something from him.

He took a few steps closer towards you, a look of concern etched on his features. “What’s wrong?”

The words were on the tip of your tongue when he looked at you, eyebrows lifted as he waited for you to spit it out.

“I guess I feel like we’ve been distant.”

He pushed his head forward, almost like he hadn’t expected that to be the issue. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, caught off guard by his pushiness. Maybe you shouldn’t have brought it up.

“You don’t know?” He pressed.

You broke eye contact with him for a minute, wondering why you had to state the obvious. “Well, you’re busy all the time, Harry.”

He let his shoulders rise and fall in defeat, looking around the room in frustration. “I told you that finishing the album would be busy.”

“Yeah, but you forgot to mention that you’d also be busy when the album is done once promo starts and then tour,” your voice was quiet, not so much angry as you were upset.

You were tired. You wanted nothing more than to spend a night on the couch with him and only him, tell him about LA and about the sudden itch you felt to see more of the world than just London.

But with Jake and Adam always around and Bryn and Jessie, too, paired with interruptions from Jeff and Erica--it felt as if there was no hope for a private or honest conversation.

He came to sit closer to you on the couch now, took your hands in his. “I know my job is a lot, okay? I know it’s annoying that I don’t necessarily get weekends off or have a typical schedule, but once the album is out and the promo is done I’ll have a bit of a break before the tour. We can go on vacation somewhere, just us.”

It sounded nice, maybe a tropical island or a cabin in the woods. But before you could nod in agreement the thought of Los Angeles popped into your head.

His album was due out in December, promo from now through the New Year, some time off in February and March for both of your birthdays and then tour. You had no clue where you’d be by then.

Would you be in LA? Would you be in London? Would you be stuck in this same spot on his couch with decision paralysis and a crushing sense of uncertainty about the future?

He knew you were over-thinking and tilted his head. “What?”

You blew out a slow breath of air, twisted a ring on your finger and then looked up at him again.

You didn’t even have a chance to be more honest, a buzz on your phone on the coffee table in front of you both broke the room in half, the name of the woman you’d spoken to was in bold next to your email icon. You reached for it quickly, Harry’s brows furrowed when you pulled it close to your chest so he wouldn’t see.

“What’s that?”

Hi Y/N, thank you so much for your patience over the last few days. We would love to offer you a position with NBC Universal - E! News as an on-air correspondent in our Los Angeles headquarters.

You looked up at him quickly, cheeks red and heart racing.

“What’s happening, are you okay?”

“I got a job offer,” you said quickly, still holding the phone close to you.

“What?” He smiled, “why didn’t you tell me you were looking? I didn’t even know--”

“It’s in Los Angeles.”

His smile faded instantly, he blinked a few times like he must have misheard you. The leather of his couch felt cool beneath your legs, a clock on the wall ticked and for a second, you wondered if he could hear your pulse as loudly as you could.

He pulled his eyes away from you but then quickly scanned over your face. “Are you taking it?”

“I don’t know,” you said honestly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Silence, words filled your brain and crawled up the back of your throat, desperate to be said out loud, in real life, instead of just circling in your head.

Because I don’t know what we’re doing or if we’re moving forward. I don’t know where I want to live. I don’t know if I can stay in London forever. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Only the last part made it out between your lips. “I don’t know.”

“Y/N,” he stood up, more angry now as he looked around the room and scratched at the base of his neck. “This kind of feels like a bombshell to drop on someone.”

“I was going to tell you--but we haven’t had a second alone, I just didn’t want to have to tell everyone before I knew what was happening.”

“You didn’t even tell me you interviewed,” he said.

“The last time I saw you alone we got interrupted by Erica three times in one conversation.”

“Probably for a good reason--”

“But you seriously can’t even put your phone down lately when we have dinner, even when everyone else is there!”

“I can’t help it that my work is insanely busy right now!”

“I don’t want to fight with you,” you said this quickly, voice higher than usual and a heat on your skin that he normally didn’t provoke, at least not in a bad way. You stood from the couch and put your hands on your hips. “I don’t know what I’m going to do and I don’t even know if this job is right for me and under no circumstances are you allowed to tell anyone. Especially Jessie.”

He rolled his eyes at that.

“What’s the eye roll for?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Everyone just got back and now you might leave and--”

“I said I don’t know if I’m going to take it.”

He was quiet at that, clucked his tongue in thought but then disappeared upstairs to shower and change.

The car ride over was awkward, he asked how your day had been and you told him you talked to Alyssa, he bristled when you admitted you told her about it.

It wouldn’t be the end of the conversation, you were sure of that. You’d likely end up at his for the night and he’d apologize for being busy, you’d apologize for not telling him and maybe, you hoped, he’d ask you to stay over.

When you greeted Adam with a hug, you ignored Harry’s sour mood and opened the menu in front of you.

“My first dinner as a Londoner,” Jessie smiled, shimming her shoulders in excitement when Bryn looked over the specials across the table from you.

“This is on you, right? New job, new salary?” Jake teased.

“Maybe if I hadn’t just bought a whole new bedroom set,” she rolled her eyes.

“How’s everything with you?” Adam eyed Harry, his question veiled to avoid too many details in public.

Luckily, Harry’s ability to go out in public in London was similar to that in New York. As long as a private room or a table in the back was requested, he could typically get away unscathed if dinner was less than 2 hours and if he had his back to the dining room.

“Fine,” he shrugged, eyes still down at the drink menu.

“Fine?” Jessie leaned forward, her tone insinuating that she didn’t believe him. “You’ve been working really hard all summer and now all you say is ‘fine?’”

He glanced up at her, lips in a forced smile. “S’all good, Jess--just tired.”

Bryn gave you a look, one that asked what stick is up his ass?, before she changed the topic.

“Let’s not tell our server how fit she is tonight, yeah?”

Jake let out a snort of a laugh and sipped at the water that had already been brought to your table. “Alright, you thought the one last week was just as hot as I did.”

“I did,” Bryn agreed seriously, “but I didn’t offer my number unsolicited. How do you know she’s even straight?”

“She’s got a point,” Jessie chimed in. “Remember when you asked that girl to dance in the club when her girlfriend was right there with her arm around her?”

“I thought they were just mates!” Jake defended.

“You also have the worst radar for gay women ever,” Bryn nodded.

“When was this?” Harry asked, the hint of a smile on his face when he watched Jake adjust his napkin on his lap.

The words came out of your mouth without thought. “You weren’t here--you were in LA.”

He met your eyes when you replied, nodded, and then leaned back in his chair, effectively bowing out of the conversation without saying another word.

You weren’t trying to be short with him. You looked over to Jessie, who undoubtedly sensed the tension, and offered a smile. “How’s the flat?”

“Good,” she nodded. “Glad that all my furniture got put together without any scratches,” she reached over and patted Adam on the shoulder.

“We’re not children, Jessie, we can handle some furniture.”

“You broke my dresser when I asked you guys to move it into another room,” Bryn reminded, a look of confusion on her face at Adam’s retort.

“Only because it was already half broken and a piece of shit,” Jake said. “I love you, Brynnie, but that dresser was already knocking on Heaven’s door.”

Harry let out a laugh at that, another memory that he had missed while on a trip to a studio somewhere north of London. He excused himself to the bathroom after you placed your orders, and once he was out of earshot, Jake leaned down and looked at you.

“What’s going on with him?”

You forced a cheesy grin and blinked a few times. “He’s just grumpy.”

“‘Bout what?” Bryn asked.

“Guys,” you leaned back in your chair, hoping you didn’t have to say too much. “I can’t tell you every single thing that happens in our relationship.”

“Well, when it affects us I think we have the right to know,” Jessie shrugged, playing the typical we don’t like when our parents fight card.

“It’s not affecting you,” you shook your head, eyed her seriously over your glass of Pinot Noir.

Adam shrugged, a smirk on his face let you know he was trying to rile you up. “He’s grumpy at dinner and we’re all here and we’re all aware of it. We don’t like tension between you two.”

“Alright, leave the woman alone,” Jake waved them off. “As long as everything’s alright.”

“It’s totally alright,” you nodded, wondering when you’d gotten so comfortable lying to them. “He’s just busy with the next phase of work.”

With Harry’s album yet to be announced, you couldn’t sit around in a London restaurant and divulge details--even if you were all acutely aware of the work he’d put in and the upcoming announcements and events.

Adam let it go. “How’s work for you, Smalls?”

Another shrug of your shoulders, “s’good--I told you all about my November cover story, right?”

“Yeah,” Jessie sipped a glass of Cabernet. “But you said you didn’t know who it was going to be with.”

“Well, s’cause I had to drop the bomb on him first,” you nodded in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ll be sitting down in a few days with Ms. Gigi Hadid,” you lowered your voice and leaned forward to say her name.

Bryn’s eyes went wide, Jake grimaced.

“How’d he take that?” Adam asked.

“He’s not thrilled,” you admitted. “But I’ll talk with his team about what to avoid specifically, I guess. Her team will probably have a list of off-limits items too.”

Bryn let her elbows rest on the white tablecloth. “Yeah, but, you can’t just ignore the fact that she’s dating Zayn.”

“I also can’t just barge in and stir shit up,” you said.

Harry pulled his chair out next to you and sat back down. “Who are you stirring shit up with?”

Everyone chose to be quiet now--Adam looked down at his phone and Jessie reached for her wine again.

“Just telling them about my cover story,” you admitted, watching his face for a reaction.

He nodded, a tiny smirk in your direction. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t stir shit up,” he said, reaching to put a hand on your thigh beneath the table.

Those were the moments that made you feel less panicky--the realization that he was still choosing you and even when the tension was high and the mood was low, he’d reach over and remind you that yes, he cared. Even if he was late to dinner or distracted.

Which is why, when you got back in his car that night and headed for his house, you were surprised when his mood shifted again.

“I’ll just drop you at yours?”

“Oh--yeah, sure.”

“Did you want to come to mine?” He looked over at you like he hadn’t expected any resistance to sleeping separately.

You were quiet for a second--not if he didn’t want you there. “No, it’s fine.”

“I can’t read your mind, Y/N.”

“You don’t have to,” you said quickly, a prickly tone to your words when he made an unreadable face.

He drove in silence for a few minutes, closing in on your neighborhood when the street lamps disappeared for the sake of suburbia.

Eventually he cleared his throat and that sent you over the edge.

“What do you want me to say, Harry? Do you want me to apologize for interviewing for this job?”

“No,” he said simply. “I just don’t know why you thought you didn’t need to tell me about a huge decision like that.”

“It wasn’t a decision until today when they offered it to me.”

“Just seems like something you talk to your boyfriend about.”

You looked over at him in the dark of night, the glow from the dashboard didn’t help you see his features as he turned left onto your street.

“Well, sorry that we didn’t have the opportunity to talk about it between your work schedule and Jessie moving in and group dates--”

He slowed down on your street, put his flashers on when he stopped in front of your building. “I don’t want to keep secrets from each other,” his voice was softer now. “I don’t want to not know what’s going on in your life. I did enough of that for two years when we weren't talking.”

You sighed at this, the sentiment broke whatever anger was lurking inside you and when you looked up to see him, you wondered if you should ask him.

Are we ever going to move in together? Are we ever going to get engaged?

You figured the lead up to his sophomore album wasn’t the best time for that conversation. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you climbed the stairs to your flat alone.

A few days later you sat nervously in a conference room and watched as beads of sweat formed on the water glass in front of you. Tyler had brought you in, offered you a breath mint, and promised you’d be fine. When you asked him if the whole room was hot he said it was just you and your nerves--but the droplets of water that raced towards the wooden conference table begged to differ.

You’d gotten email after email this morning: one from Jeff with the rules he and Harry had come up with and eight from Gigi’s team with requests for snacks, topics to discuss, topics to avoid, lunch request, arrival and departure time, and a few extra regarding booking her photoshoot the next day.

A text lit up your screen when you tried to smooth your your hair in the reflection of your screen.

Jake Newcomb (10:42am): In case you’re wondering what to get me for my birthday, a video of Gigi Hadid saying she loves me would be perfect!

You ignored his text and felt a pang of disappointment in your gut, you thought it would have been Harry with words of encouragement.

He was fine with you doing the interview, he seemed to come around to the idea when he met with Jeff and had a chance to mark some things as off limits.

So far, his list was as follows:

Don’t publish anything too negative about anyone in the band (if she says anything negative about anyone in the band)

Harry and Jeff got to listen to the taped interview

Harry and Jeff got to read the article before you sent it off to your editor and could make suggestions to cut things if they felt it necessary.

It seemed silly, but you’d long been used to the lingo of contracts and riders and ground rules for things like these. You knew both Harry and Jeff trusted you, in fact, Jeff was now choosing to see this as a good opportunity for press before the announcement of Harry’s album.

Your biggest concern, truly, was not looking/sounding/acting like an idiot in a room alone with Gigi Hadid. Your second biggest concern was conducting a unique interview and writing a unique article.

You knew that Naomi and Tyler were nearby for support if needed, Tyler had already walked by the conference room three times to see if your subject had arrived and likely to make sure you hadn’t sweat through your blouse. You thought the commotion in the hallway was him until you saw a group of busy-looking people with cellphones and sunglasses.

“Hi,” you stood from your chair, extended a hand in her direction and offered your best professional smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Gigi, thanks for doing this interview.”

She seemed hesitant at first, smiled a little and shook your hand. “Happy to,” she said. She turned over her shoulder and locked eyes with the woman who seemed to be the most in-charge of the group. “I’m good,” she nodded.

They hustled out quickly, you stood frozen in place and watched as she took off her coat before sitting in the chair you’d pulled out for her. Once the door was shut behind her posse, she let out a sigh that bled into a frustrated laugh.

“I could never do an interview with all of them just loitering around--wouldn’t that be so weird?”

You nodded, mirrored her smile and had to remind your body how to move. Left foot, right, breathe, sit in the chair.

You weren’t really one to get star struck, but then again, you didn’t spend too much time with celebrities that weren’t Harry or his close friends. You certainly never sat down with a model like Gigi to have a conversation that could be as awkward as this one.

She checked her phone quickly but then put it face down on the table. “I am happy to do this, I know it might feel weird for us to be hanging out--but boys are stupid anyway.”

You smiled at this, immediately relaxed when she leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs.

“Did you also get a whole list of things to not talk to me about?”

She stifled a laugh and rolled her eyes. “Zayn can be a man of few words but,” she looked down at your phone on the table. “Off the record--he had quite a bit to say when I told him you were doing the interview.”

“Off the record,” you laughed, “Harry did too. But how is Zayn?”

“He’s good--thinking about getting back in the studio at some point to start working on a new album, he’s been writing a bunch. Harry’s doing the same I assume?”

“Yes, yeah, he’s been really busy.”

“I know things might not have gone great between all of them at the end, but I don’t want this to be awkward for us.”

“Me neither. You can say as much or as little about the band as you’d like.”

She nodded, you figured it was time to give your pre-interview spiel.

“So, I’ll record us in a few seconds, you can obviously say ‘off the record’ if there’s something you don’t want me to include, but I like my interviews to be like conversations, basically. I’ll send someone on your team the recording when we’re done and a typed transcript. You’ll have 48-hours to look over it and revoke any statements that you don’t want me publishing or to clarify anything. After that I’ll write the story, send a final copy to your team before it gets finalized here, again, 48-hours to look it over and request any changes but at that time we don’t have to approve the requests. This is all in a document somewhere that someone probably signed for you--I’m sure your team is used to it, they know what they’re doing.”

You reached forward and pressed a few buttons on your phone, she watched until you looked up and told her: “It’s on now, so we’re recording and today is September 10th, 2019.”

She smiled like you were old friends. “Where do we start?”

“Is there somewhere you want to start?”

She leaned her head to the side. “We can jump right to it--”

“To what?”

“Oh come on,” she laughed. “Us talking about One Direction will make headlines for weeks.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “It’s funny that us just sitting down together will be a big deal, right? As if we’ve got nothing better to talk about than them.”

“Sexism at it’s finest,” she admitted.

“Do you find that a lot in your industry?”

She thought on this for a second, looked out the window but nodded. “It’s unavoidable, in a lot of ways. I think there have been a lot of changes over the last few years to at least move us in the right direction, but we’ve got a long way to go.”

“How would you want to see it change for the better?”

“Well, I’d love to have more privacy about my love life, for one,” she caught herself, looked to you quickly as if she felt bad. “Off the record, we can talk about it here, it’s fine. It’s different to talk about it with a woman, number one. And you’re you, you get it.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you offered.

“No, I don’t mind. Unless you plan on asking me stupid things like how amazing is it to be dating someone as handsome as him or do I find that his job overshadows mine, we’re good. We can be back on the record, too,” she looked down at the numbers on your phone, eyeing the ticking of the recording clock.

“But do you know what I mean? No one asks guys questions like that--or they’re different, at least. People just want to know everything about your relationship when you’re a woman and they view you in the context of who you’re sleeping with.”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I get that.”

She smiled, “it’s hard to date someone famous, isn’t it? Lots of rules around it.”

You were surprised by the genuine look in her eyes, despite her own status and contracts and income, she seemed to be acknowledging that the two of you shared a unique experience and were now brought together under strange circumstances.

“It’s definitely hard for me--but, isn’t it easier seeing as you also have an assistant and a manager and people to, I don’t know, facilitate things? Not to invalidate how hard it still is.”

She laughed at that, “Yeah, in some ways, probably. He’s really private though, which is good for us. We focus on ourselves and do our own thing most of the time.”

“Right--you seem pretty private about it for the most part.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, reflecting on your words for a second. “I think to me it feels weird that my relationship status can make so much news, you know? Modeling is my job and obviously that’s not your typical nine-to-five but--I like to focus on my work and when male journalists are continuously obsessed with my love life, I find that weird. I mean, you get that, right? I’m sure it’s no different with Harry.”

You bit your lip, embarrassed at how she’d managed to turn it around. She was right--you’d been getting more and more annoyed with how much your relationship with Harry was dictating your life--and for some reason, you admitted this to her.

“People are much more interested in me because I’m dating him--but they’d be just as interested in you even if you weren’t.”

“Would they?” She tilted her head to the side, another rise and fall of her shoulders as she looked around the room. “I get what you’re saying, but sometimes it feels like dating him gave my career a huge boost. I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, I totally get it. I feel the same way. I was building my career in New York and it was going well and I was writing fun stuff and making a name for myself and then I started hanging out with him and--”

“Everyone started to care more about you?”

“Exactly.”

You thought about the headlines, the articles, the pictures in tabloids that undoubtedly helped your name spread like wildfire through London and New York. You had to ignore it, most of the time, reassure yourself that you were a good journalist and a good employee and the good things in your career were not just a byproduct of the boy who slept in your bed.

She smiled knowingly, her lips in a thin line when she looked down to the tape recorder, almost like she felt guilty for steering the conversation in a different direction.

“Sorry,” you cleared your throat, sitting up straight. “Back to business.”

The conversation bled into more normal things: the upcoming fall fashion week, how she manages self-care when she’s busy jetting from city to city, and, try as you might, the two of you wound your way back to your commonalities a few times: sexism in your industries, life as young women dating famous men.

You thanked her profusely at the end and promised that Tyler would be in touch to confirm the date and time for her corresponding photoshoot later that week. She draped a Versace leather tote over her shoulder and seemed to float out of the office with a posse of beautiful people behind her.

You stood--still awestruck--in the hallway and watched as the elevator doors slid shut.

“She’s prettier in person,” Tyler said from beside you, a notebook in hand as he stared at the air she’d once occupied. “I didn’t know if that type of thing was possible but she’s definitely one of the prettiest humans I’ve ever seen.”

“She was nice,” you turned around to see Naomi behind him, also eager for more details. You headed back for your office in a trance, they scurried behind you as you thought aloud. “I mean, I didn’t think she’d be rude--but I didn’t know what to expect with the whole band history stuff.”

“Did you talk about that?”

“Less about the band and more about--” you blinked a few times and sat down at your desk, “sexism, what it’s like to be a woman dating a famous man and how that affects your career.”

Both of their eyes went wide, a smile tugged at Naomi’s lips when Tyler put a hand over his heart in shock.

“I’m sorry, so you’re telling me that you just had a heart to heart with Gigi Hadid about sexism and your boyfriends and--”

“I guess so,” you shrugged, just as surprised as they were.

You gave Harry fewer details that night over FaceTime as you brushed your teeth. He was somewhere in New York, disappointed that he’d miss Jake’s birthday dinner and celebration, but he promised to make it up to him when he got back.

He lifted a cup of tea to take a sip, light shone through the window behind him on your screen and he scrolled through emails on his laptop.

You spit into the sink, an ocean between you.

“Have you thought at all about the offer? You have to tell them by tomorrow, yeah?”

You nodded, wiped at your mouth with a towel and then crossed your arms. “I can stay, I mean--if you want me to.”

He made a face at that, leaned forward and furrowed his brows together. “Of course I want you to stay, Y/N, but I don’t want to be the reason you pass on something important."

You were quiet for a second, uncapped lotion before spreading some across your forehead.

"I'm sorry I didn't react well when you told me. I'm proud of you and it sounds like a phenomenal opportunity...I don't know, it's just the timing of it--"

You cut him off, “well none of this is ideal timing, Harry.”

“Do you mean with my album?”

“I mean with any of it,” you said truthfully. “The album, the job offer--”

“Well the album existed before the job offer,” he trailed off.

Only a matter of seconds and a handful of words had managed to get you elevated and angry and ready to fight. That was happening more easily, these days.

“So what am I supposed to do? Always come second? Make every decision in my life based off of your career and your music?”

“S’not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that--I dunno--I thought you knew what you were getting into.”

Quiet, your hands gripped the counter in your bathroom. Your bare feet were on the floor and you wondered why you were trying so hard to make everything work if things were only getting harder.

“That came out wrong,” he shook his head, the look on his face let you know he wanted to take it back.

“No, it didn’t." You let out a sharp laugh. "I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Take the job,” he said quickly, like he saw you reaching for the button to end the FaceTime call.

“What?”

“Take it. If it’ll make you happy, take it.”

“And what about us?”

“We figure it out,” he shrugged. “We try.”

You sighed, unsure what to say.

"It's Los Angeles," he said. "Not Antarctica."

You blew air between your lips, looked up at him for a second. The curl of hair that dipped onto his forehead, the way his mouth pulled up in the corner like it always had.

“I love you, Y/N. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

His words didn’t offer any relief and you spent most of the night staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning and wondering how on earth you were supposed to make a decision.

Leaving him in London felt stupid. A few bumps in the road and you were ready to jump ship?

But staying and hoping for a ring or a shared address felt even stupider, somehow. You couldn’t pass up a dream job and hope that things would go well for your career if you weren’t going to work for it.

A few hours of rest came after 3am, your morning coffee was a tad bitter and the clouds in the sky seemed to match your mood. Maybe you should have spent more time thinking it over, talking it out, even calling your mum or Katie for advice.

But you couldn’t have told everyone about the job offer without a certain answer, and unfortunately, the person you wanted to talk to the most didn’t seem like he could be impartial.

You’d been upset, you’d been feeling disconnected from him, but that didn’t erase all of the good times and the happy memories you’d made, right?

Naomi and Tyler locked themselves in your office for lunch on Friday, they promised that they’d never tell your boss and they swore they supported you either way. Tyler used an expo marker to make a pros and cons list of staying in London and Naomi came up with a points system for each bullet on the list.

You stared at it, looked at the names of all of your friends, your family, your favorite cafes and restaurants in London. At the very bottom of what had become a long list of reasons to stay was his name.

And on the other side, Tyler’s poor drawing of an engagement ring sat beside a big question mark.

You didn’t know what the future held for you and Harry, and maybe that was okay. You didn’t know what would happen when you packed your life into a suitcase and moved to New York, but you’d survived to tell the tale.

They were quiet, eyes darting from the board back to you as they waited for you to say something.

You sighed, Tyler shifted on the couch in your office and Naomi smoothed out her blouse.

“I can’t take it,” you said.

Tyler’s eyes went wide, “really? You’re staying?”

“I can’t leave,” you shrugged. “I can’t leave him behind and leave my friends and start all over in a new city right as I’m really finding my groove here again.”

“Okay, I know we said we’d support you either way but I would have been fucking pissed if you went,” Tyler admitted, moving closer to wrap his arms around you.

You laughed, let him squeeze you before Naomi joined in.

“Me too,” she confessed, a smile on her face when she pulled away. “But I would have at least faked happy for you.”

You bit back the doubt and second-guessing, used their excitement to fuel a regretful email.

Thank you so much for the opportunity, but after careful consideration I cannot accept this position due to the geographical location.

Your thumb hovered over the small blue arrow, a wave of panic flooded through you when you hit send, like somehow, something inside of you knew that everything was about to change.

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AN: apologies in advance for the cliffhanger......except I'm not sorry lmao

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nugnthopkns · 3 years

Text

i’ll wait and i’ll listen

word count: 2.1k

warnings: mentions of deafness/hearing loss, cursing, i think that’s it

recommended listening: new song | maggie rogers & del water gap

a/n: hi! first and foremost, i want to say that this is based off my own personal experiences with a deaf father, and it is in no way a reflection of how other people or families with hearing issues operate. this is just how we live and how my dad goes about life. with that out of the way, enjoy some soft nolan content i threw together in 45 minutes. pretty sure i made this gender neutral, but please point out any mistakes!

There’s no legitimate reason for you to be so apprehensive about Nolan meeting your parents.

He’s a great person who is all you could ever ask for in a partner. The two of you get along like peas in a pod, and honestly most of the time your relationship feels like two friends hanging out. Of course there’s a bit more romance involved – but being with Nolan is so easy you barely have to think about it.

Your parents aren’t the issue either. They’re both incredibly supportive of your relationship, and anything else you do. If it weren’t for them, you never would have left home – they’re the ones who packed the car and drove you all the way to Philadelphia. You never would have met Nolan if they hadn’t practically forced you out of the house and into the world.

Truthfully, both parties would probably get along great. Your mother is kind and welcoming, and your father has interests similar to Nolan’s. Your younger siblings adore him – they came to visit one weekend and you took them to an afternoon game at Wells Fargo Centre, and afterwards the four of you went out for burgers. Since then they talk to him regularly, and have been begging for you to return home with Nolan. You can tell your parents are getting antsy too – after all, you’ve been with Nolan for nearly two years.

Yes, Nolan has a busy schedule that doesn’t allow for much travel, but there have been plenty of opportunities over the years for everyone to get together. You’re the one who always comes up with a reason for him not to meet your parents. One time you were ‘sick’, another you were too busy with work to make the trip home. It isn’t that you’re worried they won’t approve or that Nolan will resent them. You’re apprehensive about bringing Nolan around because you’re worried there will be a communication barrier.

Your dad is deaf, and Nolan doesn’t exactly enunciate his words well. His voice is also exceptionally deep, which doesn’t help much. It isn’t a secret, your father’s hearing issues, and you’ve spoken to Nolan about them numerous times. Most of the time it’s you fretting about it getting worse and he listens intently while you sob into his chest. Since the hearing loss came from years of working around loud machines, it was gradual, which was frustrating for him. You were in high school when he got hearing aides, but eventually they lost their desired effect. Now your dad relies on reading lips and other non-aural markers like hand gestures to fill in the gaps.

“Babe, I have to meet them at some point,” Nolan says through a mouthful of pasta. “Especially since I plan on sticking around.”

Your mom had called earlier in the afternoon to ask when you were coming home next. The upcoming weekend is free in your schedule, and when you told her she insisted you bring Nolan. He’s out for the season with the migraine related issues so you couldn’t exactly lie and say he was going to be out of town. Instead, you fed her some bullshit excuse and said you’d check to see if he could move some stuff around.

“I know,” you sigh. “I just don’t want you or my dad getting frustrated if talking doesn’t go smoothly.”

Nolan pushes his chair back from the table and walks to stand behind you. He rubs your shoulders soothingly and leans down to whisper in your ear. “There are a million and ten other ways I can communicate with him Sweetheart. Don’t worry about it.”

Deep down, you know he’s right. There’s no reason the two of them can’t communicate, even if they can’t do it verbally. After discussing it more and ironing out all your doubts, you call your mom back to let her know both you and Nolan will be coming. A small weight lifts from your chest, knowing that you’ll get the first meeting over with, but dread slowly creeps in. There are so many ways it could go wrong.

☼☼☼☼

You and Nolan stand on the doorstep of your childhood home hand in hand. As if he can sense how nervous you are, Nolan squeezes gently, reminding you of his unwavering presence.

“Whatever happens isn’t going to change the fact that I love you,” he says, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

To steady yourself from the negative thought swirling in your brain you lean closer to Nolan. He wraps his arm around your shoulder and uses his free hand to knock on the door. Less than two seconds your sister is bounding towards the door and flinging it open.

“Mom! Y/N and Nolan are here!”

She steps to the side and lets the pair of you in. You shrug off your jacket and hang it on the rack behind the door – Nolan copies. As soon as you’re inside the entryway your mother is wrapping you in a massive hug.

“I’m so glad you’re home darling,” she says, arms tight around you. “Was the drive okay?”

You go to answer her question but her attention is turned to your very tall boyfriend who is standing beside you like a deer caught in the headlights.

“You must be Nolan. It’s so nice we could finally meet. Y/N has told me a lot about you.”

Nolan clears his throat before speaking, his deep voice echoing slightly off the ceiling. “All good things I hope,” he laughs, looking to you for reassurance.

Nodding your head, you join in his laughter. You travel farther into the house, giving your brother a fistbump when you pass him in the hall. When you moved out your parents converted your room into a sophisticated guest bedroom, so there aren’t any embarrassing posters from your teenage years on the walls for Nolan to make fun of. You quickly unpack your suitcase, wanting to get back downstairs and spend time with your family. It’s been a while since you’ve been home, and you missed them more than you thought.

“Is your dad here?” Nolan asks, hanging the couple of sweaters you guys brought up in the closet.

You glance at the clock on the wall, you shake your head. “He’ll be home from work just before dinner.”

The two of you head downstairs to chill with your siblings, but not without sharing a few kisses that make your spine tingle. At your brother’s insistence the four of you head to the basement to partake in an air hockey tournament. Though Nolan can hold his own in the NHL, he’s rather miserable at this iteration of the game. Your sister eliminates him in under five minutes, and after a hard fought battle you defeat your brother.

Nolan tries to coach you before the gold medal game but you laugh him off. “Nol, you were terrible. I think I can hold my own.”

He breathes out harshly through his nose, but you know he isn’t upset with your teasing. “Fine,” he mumbles, “See if you can win without my all-star advice.”

Your sister manages to win in a shootout. It was a close game, and you challenge her to a rematch after dinner. She accepts, insisting you’ll lose again. Nolan bets he can race her around the property, so you move outside. Your mom lets you know dinner will be ready soon, and you throw her a thumbs up.

Though your sister is a fast runner, she’s got nothing on Nolan’s six foot frame. He passes her with ease, cheekily throwing her the finger as he rushes by. You’re the finish line and instead of stopping when he reaches you, Nolan throws you over his shoulder and continues running through the yard.

Your laugh rings out as you kick your feet. “Put me down!” you shriek. When he makes no attempt to prove he listened to your cries, you try again. “Nol, come on, put me down. If you fall it’ll be really bad.”

Knowing you’re right, Nolan stops moving and gingerly places you on the ground. His hands move to cup your face and he plants a warm kiss on your lips. You refuse to let it get too far, but you lean into him slightly and sigh when he pulls away.

In the distance you hear your mom calling for dinner. “Kids, it’s time to eat,” she says. “Your father just got home.”

Your heart beat rises exponentially, and your steps drag slightly as you get closer to the door. Nolan notices, but doesn’t say anything. Instead he flashes you a smile that’s reserved just for you and makes your heart melt.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll make sure I don’t mumble.”

In the dining room, you guide Nolan to sit beside your dad. You figure it’s the spot where he has the best chance of hearing your boyfriend, and no one seems to protest. They give each other a polite nod while the rest of you rush to place everything on the table and serve the food.

Once everyone is sitting, Nolan takes the initiative to introduce himself. “It’s nice to meet you Sir,” he says a bit slower than his normal speaking voice, making sure to clearly enunciate his words.

There’s no response from your father, and you suck in a breath. You watched him focus on Nolan’s lips while he spoke, but you fear he still couldn’t quite understand what your boyfriend said. It takes a few more beats for him to process what was spoken, but then your dad is cracking a smile and holding his hand out for Nolan to shake.

“Glad Y/N isn’t hiding you from us anymore. I thought the first time I’d meet you was at the engagement party.” His voice is a few decibels louder than everyone else’s, due to not being able to hear himself, but Nolan doesn’t seem to mind.

They slip into an easy conversation about work and hunting, asking each other a million questions. There’s barely room for any one else to contribute but the rest of you don’t mind – it’s been a long time since your dad has been able to go this long without asking someone for assistance. Of course there’s a few bumps in the road – Nolan not speaking clearly or looking elsewhere while telling a story, but that was to be expected. You step in when needed, repeating phrases and recreating scenes with hand actions. Overall, the meal goes swimmingly, and the two men leave the table eagerly to swap stories.

You spend the time catching up with your mother, and she gushes over how Nolan is handling everything. “He’s doing so well,” she exclaims. “He’s so patient with your dad, waiting to make he understood what was said before continuing, and he doesn’t have an issue repeating himself a few times. You really lucked out Y/N.”

“I know,” you say honestly. “He’s simply the best.”

It’s a few hours later that Nolan finds his way back to you. You arch your brow, wondering what he got up to, and he explains that your dad took him for a walk in the forest to show him the deer he’d been tracking the past couple of weeks. It’s heartwarming that they get along so well, and you feel a little silly for fretting over what would happen.

☼☼☼☼

“Your dad is nice,” Nolan shrugs as you crawl into bed beside him. “I could hardly tell he was deaf most of the time.”

You tuck yourself into his side and hum. “He does a great job of not letting it define him,” you agree. “But thank you for being so patient with him.”

A small peck is placed to your shoulder blade and you sigh at the contact of Nolan’s lips on your skin. “He did grumble about how my voice is too deep,” he laughs. “Said he could barely hear me. Once I knew that I made sure to speak clearly and let him read my lips.”

You’re speechless. None of your friends or past romantic partners had made that much of an effort to treat your dad like he was a person. They got short with him for needing them to slow down or repeat themselves, and often would refuse to see him again. It’s part of the reason you were so hesitant to introduce Nolan – you wanted to protect him from another person who might treat him differently because he can’t hear.

“I really fucking love you,” you whisper into the darkness.

You can practically hear the grin in Nolan’s voice as he speaks. “I really fucking love you too.”

The rest of your stay will go just fine, you think as you drift to sleep. There was nothing to worry about, and you can’t wait to watch a friendship blossom between your dad and boyfriend.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @jamiedrysdales @kiedhara @tortito @boqvistsbabe if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

#this is kinda shit but i've been toying with this idea for a while #it's done now and my brain can move on #nolan patrick imagine #nolan patrick x reader #nolan patrick fic #philadelphia flyers imagine #hockey imagine #hockey fic #nhl imagine #nhl fic #cwrites

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mcudarklibrary · 3 years

Text

Author Q&A: searchforanotherway

🖤 The MCU Dark Library encourages everyone to reblog and share the wonderful talents of this community, no matter how big or small your following is. Supporting each other is key to ensuring the longevity of this community. 🖤

Please be sure to reblog and share with your followers.

Tell us who you are!

@searchforanotherway

How long have you been writing fanfics? If the MCU wasn’t your first fandom, what was?

I published my first fanfic on FFN in 2015 for Naruto and RWBY. From there, I discovered a community of Overwatch writers on Tumblr by 2018 and began writing fanfic for Overwatch until I got into the marvel and started writing Avengers fanfic in 2019.

What helps motivate you to write? Where do you find inspiration?

If I am procrastinating and looking for motivation, usually I will go back and re-read some of my works to get the gears in my head thinking about future scenes and plot. I like to think of myself as a maladaptive daydreamer and visualize my story to help organize the plot. I also try to re-read some of my favorites from other writers as good inspiration to remind myself of the type of dark!fic and writing style I'm hoping to achieve.

If you could give new writers any advice, what would it be?

Read from your favorite fanfic authors and ANALYZE their work. I don't mean to say "be critical", but notice the things they do right! Or in better terms, notice the things you like about their writing. Some writers are talented at exposition or narration, detailed descriptions, setting the tone (especially for dark!fics) in their writing, paragraph formatting and grammar; understand all the writers that inspire you and adopt parts of their writing style that you like from all of them to help improve your own writing and create a unique style that you can appreciate.

The last advice I will give is a classic saying that I think all writers are well familiar with: "show, don't tell". It's something I'm still trying to get better at myself, but I do think that writing descriptively helps! And trying to balance that with some exposition and narration can make the difference in the pacing of your fic. There's a lot of resources online, so I suggest checking it out if your still confused! The internet is always available to help you with writing!

What is your favourite dark trope and/or kink? Why?

As much as I wouldn't mind listing off every trope and kink I love, I think I can sum them all up as any trope or kink that has disturbing intimacy. So breeding kinks and A/B/O's are a yes! Not so much other things like gun/knife kinks. Along that, any type of yandere trope that shows some sort of one-sided affection to the subject of said affections.

Share a few lines/paragraphs of one of your stories that truly sums up your style. Don’t forget to share a link to the story!

I will leave a lengthy snippet below from my Overwatch story, 'Hime'. It's currently still in progress and available to read on AO3. (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18539803/chapters/43942510)

- - - - -

“Don’t take me away from him! I’m not leaving!”

But no amount of strength you had could help you as Hanzo finally ripped you away from Genji.

“No! Nooo!” You beat your fists over the Shimada lord, but they did nothing while Hanzo quickly lifted you into his arms, carrying you like the bride you were supposed to be, walking the two of you away from the crowd.

You turned over to face them again, yelling louder, “Please! Someone save my husband, please!” You cried even harder watching all the shocked expressions from everyone. They all roamed closer to Genji’s dying body, but none of them made a move to help him.

You reached out for your love, and countless more tears washed down your face, but when the gates to the palace suddenly came into your vision, closing itself from the city, did you turn to Hanzo.

“Brother! W-where are you taking me?” Hanzo didn’t respond but instead continued to walk through the compound and up the stairs that led to the Shimada’s home. You struggled out of his grip, but Hanzo’s grasp was firm and unyielding. You cried out in pain when his hands held your body even tighter to his hot chest. The doors into the home opening as he led both of you inside. You continued to cry until he eventually led you to his room.

Hanzo released you then, placing you down on your feet only for you to try and bolt away from him a few seconds later. Hanzo quickly grabbed you by your forearm before you even reached the door, and pulled you further back into the room.

“Hanzo stop!” You yanked your arm, but he did not let go. “Stop Hanzo! Why are you doing this? Please! Genji is your brother! I am your sist—”

You couldn’t finish when Hanzo turned to you, more furious than you have ever seen a man before. “You are not my sister! You are my wife! And I will consummate this marriage tonight!”

What did he say?

His wife?... Consummate?

You screamed.

Is there a dark trait you like to interweave into your dark characters? Is there something in particular that draws you to this characteristic?

I enjoy dark!characters that have yandere and delusional characteristics, and I like to sum up the reason why as my intense fear and guilt to be in an actual irl relationship to which I use fanfics to create characters that would love the reader and be with her against her consent.

Which story did you struggle to complete? The one that made you drag your feet to finish.

I consider my story, 'Hunger' to be the most struggling to write. I initially wrote that just to let out my sexual frustrations, but a lot of feedback has been about the plot... That I've barely made outside of a few important events. With that, there's been some pressure to speed up the pacing. Also, fun fact: 'Hunger' was originally supposed to be an Overwatch fanfic.

Do you have a mutual who will hold your hand and support you when you’re doubting yourself? Do you have one who will truthfully and honestly help you grow as a writer?

@americasass81 has been there for me a lot when I've been at my worst doubting myself, and the sweetest part about it was that she reached out to me on her own accord usually after I post a rant. She is incredible and literally carrying this community on her back--we don't deserve her.

As for who helped me grow as a writer, I definitely confided with @darkdrabblings back when I first got into Overwatch fanfiction. We would throw each other headcanon ideas and all that, and she really did support me a lot. Since then, I don't really have a lot of conversations about my writing with other people.

Do you have a story that contains personal or important details from an experience that is your own?

My first story that I wrote on FFN, 'Nothing More, Nothing Less', was written when I was severely depressed, with a female protagonist that reflected me and my life. 'A Thousand Suns' is another one in which the protagonist's background would be similar to my own.

Check out @searchforanotherway masterlist here

🖤Please reblog and help promote and support dark content creators 🖤

#searchforanotherway #mcudarklibrary author q&a

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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 4 years

Text

Azula x Female reader series: Part 1

Reader is Azula's personal maid and has been since childhood. You enjoy your job, not just because you’re in love with the princess but also because you’re very good at it, shown by the fact you’ve worked closely with Azula for years without a scratch or banishment on you. When Azula Zuko Mai and Ty-lee are sent to the Ember Islands Azula brings you too but when boys at a party start flirting with you Azula reacts badly, very badily. You argue and she demands you return home but after a talk with Zuko you realise Azula's actually jealous. When you confront her about it the confident scary princess is replaced with a shy bashful girl.

Part two here

Part three here

Part four here

Part Five here

Part Six here

----

You felt free here on the Ember Islands. Sure this was work and you had to tag around after Zuko, Azula, Mai and Ty lee, but nobody here knew who they were so they couldn't boss you around too much. So here at this party you’d been invited to by some boys at the beach you were literally free, your royal companions all dispersed and none of them called you to follow them so you roamed around happily content. You basked in the feeling of relaxed happy people, everyone here was so friendly. You'd naturally been nervous and suspicious when they'd started talking to you for no reason but they just seemed like nornal teenagers so you talked back and soon found yourself laughing and joking with the people unaware the others were having a worse time than you, Zuko and Mai were arguing and Ty lee's advice riled Azula making her more and more angry as she watched you chatting and smiling with some boy.

You were still talking to the boy who’d invited you when he tensed smile gone as he fixated on something behind you. You turned to see Azula stood there, an expression on her face you knew well, anger. "Y/n i need to speak to you" she told you turning and striding outside before you could reply. You excused yourself and followed her unsure what you’d done. Mai and Ty lee watched you, Mai sending you daggers so you supposed it must be bad. You reached outside and shivered at the cold but Azula didn't seem effected. "what’s wrong princess?" You asked her hesitantly. Azula spun to face you and you knew this wouldn't be good. "Whats wrong?" She laughed "whats wrong? I invite you here and you embarass and humiliate me". You frowned "Azula I'm sorry but how?". "Really? Tell me you’re not naive enough to think those boys just wanted to talk to you?". You blushed and frowned "Azula we were just talking...". "You are my personal maid! Your actions reflect on me y/n". "I know that Azula, im sorry if i disappointed you". "You are a royal maid you should not be consorting with peasants!". You nodded bowing your head "im sorry princess". Azula was made angrier by you using her title, something you’d dropped here on the island and Azula was annoyed she’d come to like it which spurred her on further. "but then you obviously think high of yourself, flirting with my brother, how long have you liked him?". "Zuko?" You asked completely shocked "we weren’t...". "He doesn’t like you" Azula snapped "he argued with Mai and was using you to make her jealous, if you were wondering Mai didn't like you before and certainly doesn't now". You gulped "ill apologise to her, i didn’t mean anything...zuko just came up to me". "Zuko? are you so familiar you forget his title?" Azula snapped, angry you used her title and not his, "like you’re such good friends". "No i...its just a habit I've gotten into here, I'm sorry princess". Azula glared "well it appears i shouldn't have invited you here, you were clearly not ready, it was too much for you to handle, you have disappointed me and will return home immedietly". You were stunned "you're sending me home because of tonight?". "Yes, i think it wise to keep you and my brother seperated". You gasped "but i don’t even like Zuko Azula! He doesn't...i won't speak to him the rest of the trip if that is what you want?". Azula did feel a surge of excitement at your words and was tempted to agree and make you promise never to speak to zuko again, you would just speak to her, but she bit back her desire and stood taller "no that won’t do, you are to leave here, go straight to the villa without speaking to anyone, pack and go to the boat to head back to the fire nation where you will wait for my return, understood?". You went to argue but her glare made you stop and you gave in "if that is what you want Azula". She hated the way you said her name now, it almost made her feel guilty. Azula pushed that thought away and barged past you, not even looking at you.

You walked through the party eyes fixed on the door, ignoring the friendly people who called your name, and walked straight out onto the street. You started in the direction of the house your head swimming at Azula’s mood swings. She’d been fine the whole trip, why was she acting this way now? You hadn’t been concentrating where you were going and paused on a path lost. You saw someone up ahead and walked closer when you saw they were throwing things. You hesitated and went to walk away when you saw it was Zuko. He was clearly angry and you thought it best to leave him alone and started back up the path when he looked up. "Y/n?" He asked spotting you "what are you doing out here?". You swallowed uncomfortable, already breaking a promise to Azula "im lost, i was looking for the villa". Zuko frowned "you’ve gone way past it, what’s wrong?". You looked at him shocked "nothings wrong" you said hastily and "i just need to return there and quickly". Zuko nodded "let me guess Azula’s orders?". You nodded avoiding eye contact "can you tell me how to get there please". Zuko nodded and started walking in that direction but you didn’t follow. "I think it’d be best if you just told me, you do not need to show me". Zuko looked at you confused but shrugged and told you the directions. "Why do you need to go there so quickly anyway?" Zuko asked "is Azula meeting you there?" He asked carefully. You felt heat rise to your cheeks and shook your head "no she..the princess wants me back at the capital". Zuko frowned "why?". You sighed in frustration, why couldn’t he just let you go? "I angered her at the party" you shrugged and zuko frowned "how? You were friendly and happy..how did that...ah Azula was jealous". You looked at him shocked "what?". "She was jealous, she asked you to come, you were supposed to be here for her and her only, yet you were giving your attention to other people" Zuko’s eyes showed he recognised something and he lowered his head "she was angry you talked to me wasn’t she?". Zuko saw your reaction and nodded "y/n im sorry, i was childish i saw Mai talking to another guy and wanted to make her jealous too but i didn’t know any other girls so i talked to you, it’s my fault Azula snapped at you". You were amazed a royal had apologised to you and stared at Zuko who waited for your response. Finally you coughed and looked at him "it’s not your fault prince Zuko". Zuko frowned but knew you were uncomfortable so nodded "she was just jealous that’s it". "I don’t believe the princess gets jealous" you couldn’t help saying but Zuko shook his head. "she’s only human y/n, just like i got jealous seeing Mai talking to that guy she got jealous seeing you talk to that ched guy". You blushed at what zuko was implying and too late he realised what he insinuated and tried to back track but couldn’t. "Can i please go?" You asked him and Zuko nodded "of course..so you go back along this path for about 3 minutes then.." when someone called his name. Your blood froze as Azula appeared on the path. Her smiled dropped when she saw you were with him. Zuko saw you tense and stepped forwards "Azula...". "I told you to go home did i not?" Azula asked you "you defy me again?". "Azula she didn’t..." Zuko started but Azula cut him off "leave us brother, i have to handle y/n". Zuko stood his ground but you nodded to him "go prince Zuko, i need to speak with the princess". Azula laughed "you give my brother orders?". But Zuko glared "can it Azula, you’re getting what you want aren’t you?". Azula’s eyes flared but she didn’t say anything, watching Zuko until he was out of sight and then the two of you were alone on a dark path.

Azula launched into a verbal attack stating all the ways you’d angered her and you let them wash over you watching her. She was jealous, what zuko said was true! You’d known Azula was a possessive person but didn’t think shed be so possessive over you, that she’d care enough to be..the thought made your stomach flutter and Azula noticed your expression and glared "are you even listening to me?". You frowned and looked up at her "are you jealous?". Azula spluttered her eyes bright with rage "jealous of you! Why on earth...". "Not jealous of me" you said quickly aware you had to tread carefully "of Zuko and that guy at the party". Azula stiffened and glared at you "why would i be jealous of them, because they spoke to you? You certainly hold yourself in high esteem". You shook your head "there would really be no reason to be if you were...i was merely talking to them, nothing else, it wouldn’t even matter if they wanted more because they’re not my type". Azula snorted "why on earth would i care what your type is?". "Just so you know my loyalty to you will never be questioned, especially by a boy Azula, boys...they’re not my type". It took Azula a second to register what you were saying and then recognition showed in her face and she lowered her gaze from you. She actually looked slightly flustered, something you’d never seen and you watched eagerly. Azula nodded "i see that is...good to know, not because...just it’s useful to know that is not an issue, for your loyalty that is!". You nodded softly, still Azula could barely meet your eye and that made you smile. "I still think it’d be a good idea for you to return home however" she said softly "you know i cannot go gack on a punishment". "Of course princess" you bowed and Azula paused "but i will be back soon anyhow, so really you’d just be preparing things for my return, yes?". You nodded "everything will be in place for your eagerly awaited return princess". Azula grew embarassed again and you almost laughed to see you could have this effect on the great and powerful Azula. "Head for the boat now" she told you "you can still make the midnight boat, I will send you your belongings tomorrow". You nodded and bowed "thank you princess" and walked away. You could feel her eyes burning into your back and couldn't help but smirk. Maybe things would be more interesting in the firenation now...

-----

Ngl I loved when we got to see the normal(ish) teenager side of Azula! Not sure if im gonna make this into a series or not but I’ll see.

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mostlycompetentwriter · 4 years

Text

Dragon Three

F/M Pairing: Y/N x Felix (SKZ)

Warnings: mentions of violence, mentions of blood and gore, lots of sexy times with Felix, explicit smut, language, and alcohol use

Word Count: 7.8K

Genre: Game of Thrones AU; Fantasy AU

Summary: In order to stake her claim to the throne, Y/N must cross the narrow sea and destroy an enemy who has an endless barrage of assassins tracking her every movement. But at least she has her faithful advisor, Felix, by her side, and an intimidating army of Dragons who only serve their queen.

A/N: The title comes from a 3racha song which is totally cool and you should listen to it while reading this!

Spring was a time of rebirth and renewal - an opportunity for second chances and new discoveries. But for me it was different. Because I was destined for something greater, and it was nothing short of intoxicating.

You see, I sought redemption - and there was only one thing left standing in my path.

My remaining obstacle was a wealthy land across the narrow sea - and the final battle meant that I would need to conquer a distant kingdom with an army of skilled warriors by my side. It also meant finding the very best people to serve me, and there weren’t many who planned to turn against a woman with three powerful and very loyal dragons who served at her behest.

But there was still time for distractions - consider it a stress reliever - and I sighed in pleasure, eyelids fluttering when I looked at the flash of silver between my legs - a pair of blue eyes pronounced with desire. “Felix,” I whispered, tracing my fingers across the swollen lines of his lips.

“My queen,” Felix murmured softly in return, looking up at me from his place between my thighs, mouth glistening with the smeared mess of my wet arousal.

“Aren’t you going to finish what you started?” I asked him, hardening my gaze because it was delightful to see the way he submitted to me.

��I’ll do anything you want,” Felix promised, and I could feel his tongue lapping at my wet folds, sinking into my tight cunt with practiced skill.

I hummed in agreement, relaxing my head back against my pillows. When I met Felix for the first time, back when I wasn’t nearly as influential, he was nothing but a little boy who lusted after something that he could never have. But he still agreed to serve me, and his loyalty was nothing short of profound. Perhaps that’s why I eventually succumbed to his advances - agreeing to share my bed with him.

“Can I fuck you?” Felix asked, pulling me out of my thoughts with a guttural groan.

I smirked at him, pretending to think about his request while I made of show of lowering my gaze to the obvious bulge of his erection. “Are those new pants?”

Felix was taken aback by my random comment, but he swallowed hard before responding: “Yeah.”

“They certainly make your cock look bigger,” I said, reaching down to trace the outline. “But you and I both know that your little cock isn’t good enough, so I’m hesitating because I don’t know if it can satisfy me.”

The degradation brought tears to Felix’s eyes, but I knew they weren’t out of grief but rather pleasure. “Please, Y/N,” he cried. “I can make you feel good.”

“You’re just desperate to fuck your cock into anything, aren’t you?” I asked with a snarl.

Felix nodded his head, holding onto my thighs with clenched fingers. Truthfully, Felix’s cock was actually rather good - it wasn’t very girthy, but it was long and always managed to rub against my g-spot perfectly. But he didn’t need to know that - especially when he loved to hear me talk down to him, and his eyes were beautiful and bright with tears filling the corners. “I want to be good for you.”

“You always try for me, Felix,” I placated him, holding up my hand to wipe away some of his tears. “I’m a fair ruler, aren’t I?”

Felix nodded again. “The Seven Kingdoms will be pleased to have you as their queen.”

I smiled at his words. “Well, I want you to show me your best effort, Felix. Can you do that for me? Take out your little cock and please me like you promised.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” Felix panted, and his fingers shook when he removed his belt, shoving down his pants and boxers before tossing them aside.

I eyed his cock with interest, licking my lips while he wrapped a loose fist around the base, moving his hand up and down while choking around a moan. Meanwhile, I spread my legs wider for him, watching the way his eyes glued themselves to my empty cunt. “Go ahead, Felix,” I said. “Show me what your cock can do.”

“I will,” he promised, looking at me with so much affection that it was almost suffocating. But in the next moment, he was moving himself closer, inserting just the tip as he fought to contain his emotions.

“Why are you holding yourself back?” I asked him with a frown. “Show me how these hips move,” I added while squeezing at his thin waist.

Felix nodded with a quiet groan, throwing back his head to reveal an expanse of beautiful, tanned skin. It was an ethereal appearance, and I could spend the rest of my days studying the shape of him. He was an elegant man with delicate features and a lithe figure that betrayed the impressive strength and resolve of his character - his desire to please the ones he respected the most.

“Y/N,” Felix said, brushing our lips together in a light kiss. His arms were shaking with the effort of holding himself up over me, releasing low grunts whenever he pressed himself inside. I melted at his ministrations - watching the sweat as it trickled down the sides of his temples, shimmering in contrast to his skin. Because this close, I could see every pore and defining feature - fighting to keep my eyes open to enjoy the delightful vision of his focused expression while his hips rolled in long, sensual patterns. Brushing my clit and filling my tight walls with his thick erection. Pulsating to the beat of his movements, and grazing my g-spot when he angled himself just right - using my thighs as leverage to keep us both as close as possible.

I hummed in delight when one of his hands came up to caress the side of my face - a light touch that contrasted to the quick motions of his deep thrusts. Penetrating my cunt with the same kind of desperation that Felix always seemed to reserve for these intimate moments together - like he wanted to prove a point to me. It wasn’t obvious, whatever it was, but the mystery of Felix was part of the reason why he appealed so much to me.

“I’m close,” I warned him because I could tell that he was straining to hold back his own orgasm. He was a selfless lover, always ensuring that my pleasure was obtained before he could even consider the possibility of his own release.

In return, his fingers teased my clitoris, and there was a proud smirk on his face as if he was enjoying the quick manner in which he had broken me down. “Come for me,” he said, but it was less of a command and more of a courteous request, and I finally let go of all my accumulating stresses, arching my back against the sudden pressure in my lower back - a tight knot that was slowly becoming undone around me.

And in the afterglow of my orgasm, I listened to Felix’s pretty sounds until something warm started to leak out of the place where he pulled out - leaving behind a mess that we would both ignore. Instead, he collapsed next to me on his back, breathing heavy while he turned around to face me. “Was that good for you?”

I grinned at his neediness, but I nodded my head because I knew that he considered his performances inside the bedroom just as important as the advice he gave outside of our personal affairs. “Of course it was,” I said, pecking his lips. “You’re always so perfect for me, Felix.”

His accompanying smile was brighter than sunshine, and I closed my eyes to the sound of a distant roar outside of our fortress.

It was a triumphant sound because it meant that my dragons had returned.

The stars were beginning to fade at the steady emergence of the sun, and I was walking across the bridge outside of the fortress to approach the sleeping forms of my dragons. They had arrived sometime the previous evening - making their anticipated return after journeying far away at my direction. I always worried about them when they were gone, but they had an uncanny ability to return to me even after weeks passed with no sign of their massive bodies creating brilliant shadows among the blue of the sky.

“There you are,” I remarked, smiling when Chan - my oldest and largest dragon - perked up at the sound of my voice. His scales bristled around a heavy yawn, reflecting a liquid black under the sunlight. “Chan,” I said, watching as he turned his giant head in my direction. “I missed you.” He grunted in return, attracting the attention of Changbin and Jisung who both startled awake at the sound of their older brother’s interruption.

In comparison to Chan, Changbin was the second oldest, and his blue coloring reminded me of the ocean. Then, there was Jisung who might be the smallest of his brothers, but his scales reflected a sharp silver color that made him appear constantly alert. Still, I laughed at their expressions, wondering how anyone could ever be cruel to these magnificent animals when they expressed themselves so completely with a subtle blinking of their eyes or a single noise to demonstrate their opinion.

But I carefully navigated around their powerful forms, pausing when I noticed the evidence of their last mission. “I’m very proud of you,” I said, running a hand along Chan’s spine as the eldest dragon purred at my praise. “Let’s have a proper reunion,” I suggested, taking several steps back so that they could dismiss the remnants of their slumber.

Meanwhile, I noticed the approach of Felix from my peripheral, and he looked unbelievably beautiful under the lingering effects of the dawning morning. “My queen,” he greeted me, pausing as he studied the three Dragons stretching their wings. “They’ve returned.”

“Yes,” I agreed, holding out one hand to gently caress the side of Chan’s muzzle. He gurgled in response before affectionately returning my gesture. “I think they made their point.”

I pointed to the side where the skeletal remains of the assassin waited on the cold, unforgiving ground. It was the third one this month, and I had grown tired of living in fear of them. But I also understood that it was a good thing - it meant that the Queen across the sea was afraid of me.

“I’m surprised they brought back anything,” Felix remarked, and he was suddenly next to my side.

“Well, I’m sure they wanted to show me that they did a good job,” I said, grinning when Changbin started nipping at Jisung’s wings. “Play nice, boys.”

Changbin turned to me in an instant, releasing a whining sound as if to show me his displeasure. “They obey you remarkably well,” Felix said. “After all, at their core, we’re talking about wild animals.”

“Oh, but they have good hearts,” I said, smiling when Jisung sniffled at my outstretched hand and I allowed myself to give him several pats on the neck. “Did you have something to tell me?”

Felix sighed as if he was burdened by the information he wished to share with me. “Y/N, we don’t have enough ships to cross the narrow sea, and our armies are growing bored with waiting around the city.”

“Hmmm,” I acknowledged him. “What do you suggest?”

“We could attempt to approach the iron bank,” Felix said. “They could give us the gold to build our own ships.”

“I suppose,” I agreed. “That might take more time than I’m willing to give”

“Well, we can always negotiate with the lords in the next city,” Felix suggested. “Perhaps we can offer them some of our overstocked resources. And I’m sure they’ll never say no to someone who rides on the backs of Dragons.”

“If that’s what you think will work,” I said, turning to look at him before placing a delicate kiss on his lips. “I trust your logic.”

Felix smiled, clearly pleased by my show of adoration. “Shall I find someone with a disposable navy?”

“Thank you, Felix,” I said, reaching into my pocket for a small treat, holding it out for Jisung who happily lapped it up with clear delight. “I think I’ll pay a visit to the iron bank tomorrow. We can try to convince them that investing their resources into our army will be of the utmost importance.”

“I’ll make the arrangements myself,” Felix said before offering me a polite nod of his head. “Will you spend more time with them?”

I grinned. “I have another mission for my Dragons, but I’ll join you inside before noon.”

Felix gave a noise of acknowledgment before I watched him disappear into our carefully guarded fortress.

Braavos was an intimidating city, and there were richly-clad men and women walking along the main roads touting their impressive assets and keeping themselves surrounded by the best that money could afford. I sneered at their ostentatious displays, choosing to travel with a few willing soldiers and Felix without all the ornament. The entire city was a complicated maze but the Iron Bank was, perhaps, the most impressive institution, and I studied the outline of the cathedral as it towered over our surroundings.

Felix managed to arrange a meeting with the most influential bankers, and I was rehearsing what I planned to say to those men in order to convince them that it was in their best interests to support my cause. The Iron Bank was notorious in its reputation, and the men who financed the institution didn’t just hand out loans to anyone unless it was certain they could be repayed. The expectation was pressuring, but perhaps this would be an objective opportunity for me to truly discern what everyone else thought about my cause and whether or not they believed in my success.

Yet, I was still unprepared for the apparent signs of hostility: “What is your business here?”

I blinked once at the aggressive question, tilting my head at the sole guardian who stood at the doors to the Iron Bank. “My name is Y/N,” I said. “Perhaps this can answer your inquiry.”

The guardian waited for another moment before bowing low at the waist. “Wait here,” he instructed me before disappearing inside the building.

I scoffed and turned to the side to glance at Felix. “Are they always this hostile?”

“They’re unkind to outsiders,” Felix answered, and I pondered over his words even after the guardian returned to lead us into a massive room where three men sat before us on golden thrones.

My first impression was rather hackneyed because the men were all older, clearly aged and experienced, and they wore matching haughty expressions of contempt. In the past, I might’ve felt intimidated by such a reception, but I wasn’t a scared little girl anymore. “Y/N,” one of the men spoke up over the others. “Welcome to the Iron Bank.”

“It’s just as impressive as I’ve heard through rumors,” I remarked, allowing my eyes to peruse the surrounding decor - noting the domed ceiling and pristine floors. “I can feel its history.”

“Is that so?” he asked. “Well, we’re honored to meet with someone who has caused quite a stir in our free city.”

“My reputations precedes me,” I said. “I’m very grateful.”

“We’re also quite curious,” a second man said. “What can we do for you?”

“Of course,” I acknowledged. “As my advisor has likely revealed to you, I’m in need of funding for a fleet of ships to carry myself and my army across the narrow sea.”

“How unexpected,” the second man remarked. “The last time somebody challenged for the throne, they couldn’t even make it to the walls of King’s Landing before they were obliterated.”

I shivered at his casual tone. “I have something different.”

“Yes,” the second man agreed. “But differences aren’t necessarily equal to guaranteed success.”

“Regardless,” I countered, “I see this is as a mutual opportunity. When I conquer Westeros, I will repay my debt and more.”

“Such grand promises,” the second man said. “But why should we believe you?”

“I’ve already conquered most of Essos,” I said. “Men have cowered in my presence, and the ones who tried to cross me have paid the ultimate price.” I grinned while chancing another step closer to the bankers. “This is an advantage for the Iron Bank. You’ll already have access to the next ruler of the Seven Kingdoms.”

“Yes, but we still don’t see it as an investment that will benefit the bank,” the first man said. “I’d consider your proposal a dangerous liability.”

“Because you don’t believe in my cause,” I said. “How foolish.”

“The current regime has reigned for decades,” the man said. “There’s a reason for its continued success, and that perseverance overshadows a grassroots rebellion.”

I huffed at his assessment. “What fails to convince you? The army serving me with a thousand men? My reputation across Essos? The three Dragons who fight at my side?”

“Even if you are successful,” the first man interrupted. “There’s no guarantee that you’d pay back the debt you will accrue.”

“My word is not enough?”

“Words can be deceiving,” he replied. “Actions are objective. They speak much louder.”

“Very well,” I said, resigning myself to failure. “But I will always remember your faithlessness.”

“Threats don’t intimidate us, Y/N,” the first man cautioned. “You’d be wise to remember this because you may need us again in the future.”

“We’ll see about that,” I said, and I turned my back on the Iron Bank because I would need to search for alternative means if I wanted to cross the narrow sea.

It was late when I finished my meetings with the people of Braavos, listening to their concerns and addressing grievances. It was tiring work, especially when I encountered situations where there wasn’t such a thing as an easy solution. I was exhausted, but there was nothing better to resolve my overflowing tension than arriving back in my room to find a naked Felix arranging a bath.

“Were you waiting for me?” I asked him, allowing my hand to skim across the skin stretching around his jutting hip bone before walking out onto the balcony outside.

It was bitterly cold, and I supported my chin against my upturned palm as my arm rested against the balcony - quietly observing my Dragons sleeping around the shelter of the forest. “You’re thinking hard,” Felix said, shameless as he walked out to stand next to me.

“I knew there were other options,” I said. “But today was the first time someone has dared to reject me.”

“I see.” Felix nodded, allowing strands of his silver hair to ruffle in the breeze. “I wouldn’t take offense to a bunch of old assholes who have nothing better to do with their lives than play with people like we’re puppets.”

“But isn’t the point of becoming queen to control those strings?” I asked him. “Otherwise, how will I lead the Kingdoms?”

“By being yourself,” Felix said, drawing my attention by using a finger underneath my chin to direct my head. “I believe in you, Y/N. You’ll do great things for the Kingdoms. Nobody will ever doubt you again.”

“But it still stings,” I said, lowering my gaze to his flaccid cock. “I suppose you had other plans for tonight besides consoling your queen.”

“I wanted to please you,” Felix said. “As always.”

“Well,” I said, trailing my fingers sensually down the bare skin of his chest. “Show me what you had planned.”

“It’s nothing extravagant,” Felix said, taking my hand before leading me back inside. “Take off your clothes.”

“Are you giving out the orders tonight?” I asked, although I was already undoing the intricate lacing holding my gown together.

“If you’ll allow me,” Felix said, and I watched him lower his body into the steaming bath water, groaning in delight at the sensation.

“I’m always grateful,” I told him, removing my gown while pretending like I wasn’t glad to feel his eyes on me the entire time. I joined him with a sigh of content, falling back into his embrace as we both silently enjoyed the water and one another’s company.

“Can I wash you?” Felix asked, and I nodded before laving a kiss across his jutting collarbone.

In the meantime, Felix reached for the soap and started to slide the bar across my skin, rubbing it between his hands to create extra suds. “What shall we do about the ships?” I asked around a moan, feeling him squeeze my breasts.

“Leave that to me,” Felix replied, rubbing his thumbs in sensual circles around my nipples.

“You know that I trust you with my life,” I said, and I could feel his cock growing erect against my lower back. “Who can we approach?”

“I have someone in mind,” Felix murmured softly, and he was unceasing in the gentle kisses that he was leaving across my shoulders.

His name was Lord Park, and there were rumors that his wealth surpassed even that of the Iron Bank.

“He’s our man,” Felix assured me as we stood outside of his lavish estate - waiting for someone to greet us at the front door.

“It seems like this gentleman has more money than he knows what to do with,” I remarked.

“He also has ships,” Felix said, trailing his fingers across the back of my hand. “If he agrees to help us, then we’ll be ready to sail before our deadline.”

“Good,” I said, smiling when I sought Felix from my peripheral vision. “You’ve done well.”

Felix beamed at the compliment while the gates of the estate abruptly opened, and an older man with graying hair and a thick beard stepped out to greet us. “My distinguished guests,” he said. “Lord Park is expecting you in the great room.”

“The honor is ours,” I replied with a bow - nodding at the soldiers I had brought with me as we stepped onto the impressive grounds.

My first impression was quite unforgettable - admiring the enormous columns and the elegant statues lining the path leading to the main entrance of a notable mansion. The doors of which were wide open, revealing a foyer with broad walls and an overarching ceiling that stretched to the heavens above. ”The mansion was constructed in the early ages,” our guide explained. “My esteemed patron had the chandelier installed himself.”

“How interesting,” I remarked, exchanging a quick glance with Felix.

“You may enter at your own convenience,” the guide said, pausing outside of a set of double doors. “Lord Park only asks that you leave your men here with me.”

I hesitated at the request, but Felix squeezed my hand in reassurance, and I took a deep breath before reaching out for the door handle. The room that I had entered reminded me of an office: bookshelves lining the walls with ancient texts, and an enormous table occupying the center of the room. “Close the door behind you,” an unfamiliar man said, and he stood next to the large window overlooking the grounds.

“Of course,” I agreed, and I followed his orders before walking in the direction of the table. “The pleasure is mine, Lord Park.”

The older man chuckled, and he turned around to reveal himself to me - fairly young, but with signs of his aging in the light peppering of gray in his dark brown hair. His grayish-colored eyes were narrowed, and he looked me over like I was a piece of meant on display for him. “I’ve heard many things about you,” Lord Park said. “Have a seat.”

I nodded my head to show my thanks before pulling out one of the chairs - watching Lord Park choose a spot across from me. “Your estate is beautiful,” I told him, and he smiled as he reached for two glasses and a pitcher.

“This wine,” he said while pouring me a generous amount. “It was made from the freshest produce in my vineyards.”

I accepted the glass from him with a careful hand - bringing it to my lips to drink a tentative sip. “It’s very sweet,” I said.

“It reminds me of you,” Lord Park remarked as he drank from his own glass. “You see, the wine is deceiving. It’s taste is quite sweet, but it’s made from a very rare ingredient known for its hard interior.” He paused for a moment, meeting my gaze from across the table. “You appear that way to me as well, Y/N. Your overall impression is sweet and innocent - you must know this because you have such a delicate body. Yet, underneath that facade is someone who is capable of destroying her worst enemies.”

“Hmmm...” I trailed off with a sigh was I traced the top of my glass with one finger. “I quite like the sound of that, Lord Park.”

“You’re a very beautiful woman,” he continued, raising his glass to me before finishing the remainder of its contents. “I’ve been told that you have a pressing need for my resources.”

“Your ships in particular,” I agreed. “I’m willing to repay you, of course. If you agree to let me use those ships, then I’ll try to accommodate whatever you might need.”

“There’s not really much that I do need,” Lord Park said, and he waved his hand around as if indicating the general grandeur of his property.

“You could consider this as a potential partnership,” I said. “I have an army, and you have ships without crews.”

“Yes, but I expect something in return,” Lord Park said, and he was wearing a lascivious smile. “What do you think a single man like myself could need?”

I chose to ignore his implications. “I have Dragons, sir. That usually convinces most men.”

“Dragons that serve you,” Lord Park remarked. “What good will that do for me?”

“They follow my direction,” I agreed. “But I could command them to assist you in other ways. Perhaps if there’s someone you would wish to see...vanish?”

Lord Park chuckled. “I have no such enemies, Y/N. However, I do have a rather notable lack of a suitable heir. Perhaps you could help me with that.”

“I see,” I said, nodding my head while tasting the wine once again - faintly recognizing the bitter taste under all of the embellishment.

“Of course, marriage is my price for complete access to my ships,” Lord Park said. “I hope that is no problem for you.”

“No problem at all,” I said, even though my stomach churned uncomfortably at the mere idea.

“Then it’s settled,” Lord Park said. “I’ll have your hand, and you can use my ships for your command.”

I forced myself to smile, even though I couldn’t help but feel trapped by the prospect. Still, I had to admit that it made sense considering his circumstances, and I desperately needed his ships. It was a fair trade on the surface, but deep down inside, I couldn’t help but feel cheated.

Despite the fact that I had tried to withhold my bargain from Felix, I knew that he would eventually corner me and demand the results. Thus, it wasn’t very surprising to see him storm into my bedroom that evening - eyes reminding me of a dangerous storm over the ocean. I trembled from where I sat in front of my mirror, gliding a comb through my hair as I greeted him with brusque tone.

“My queen,” Felix said, but the sentiment lacked his usual affection. “Don’t you think it’s unfair to keep me in the dark?”

“What are you referring to, Felix?”

He scoffed at my obvious evasion. “Lord Park ordered his hand to make arrangements with me for his ships, but I’m no fool, Y/N. What did he ask for in return?”

I carefully lowered my comb, looking down at my hands folded in my lap as I mustered enough confidence to reveal the truth. “I may have to marry myself to that Lord,” I said, and I glanced up in time to notice the hurt flash across his expression. “Oh, Felix, don’t be like that. You probably knew this from the very start. It was your idea. You told me that we needed to negotiate for new ships.”

“My idea?” Felix repeated. “Y/N, at such a high price, I would’ve sought alternative sources.”

“But I can’t take that risk,” I said. “Someone else might want something even more onerous, and this is a worthy sacrifice for our cause.”

“But I hate it,” Felix said, and there was a raw emotion that exposed his very soul.

“That’s a very dangerous thing for you to say,” I told him. “We both knew that those ships would cost us more than we might be willing to give.”

“Yes, but to bind yourself to him forever!” Felix decried, and I was so very upset to see his eyes gloss over. “Y/N, I’ve given you advice,” Felix whispered. “I helped negotiate for your armies! We raised your Dragons together!”

“Oh, Felix.” I sighed. “It disappoints me to hear you speak this way. I warned you at the very start of our affair that you should keep your feelings guarded.”

“Well, I couldn’t help it,” Felix snapped. “I love you, Y/N, and I won’t see you marry another man.”

“Then you won’t see me at all,” I rebuffed, steeling my gaze.

I knew that the threat was harsh, and Felix was obviously taken aback. “You don’t mean that,” he said, but I also detected a slight hint of uncertainty.

“Perhaps you underestimate my resolve,” I said. “Those ships mean everything to me, and they’re certainly worth more than your cock.”

My heart twisted painfully at the lie, but I was convinced that marrying Lord Park was the only way to earn my crown. And I couldn’t have Felix standing in the way because of his affections for me - no matter how I might feel about him in return. This was the cold reality of a true ruler, and I would have to get used to making these sacrifices for the betterment of my people.

“Do you really think of our arrangement as nothing more than a means to satisfy your own urges?” Felix questioned. “How can I believe that, after all this time, you only used me because I was able to fill your greedy little cunt?”

“I thought it was mutual,” I said. “Feelings are too complicated, Felix. Can’t you see how they’re breaking us down?”

“Because you’re allowing our relationship to amount to nothing more than fucking,” Felix countered. “I know that you don’t mean these things, Y/N. But I’m furious that you would lie to me for the sake of a potential marriage to Lord Park of all men. I’ll always stand by your side, even after everything you’ve said tonight, but you should be careful who you allow in such close intimacy.”

“I’ll consider your advice as always,” I said, and I returned my gaze back to the mirror just in time to see the reflection of Felix’s retreating figure.

The next evening, I wasn’t surprised to receive an invitation to dine with Lord Park at his estate. Apparently, he desired to understand his future wife and her aspirations, which brought me to my present situation: walking next to a stoically unmoved Felix as we greeted two servants at the entrance to the dining room. The man in question was already inside, and he walked around the table to greet me with a formal kiss to the top of my hand. “Our future queen,” he said with a sultry tone. “You look ravishing.”

“Thank you, kind sir,” I said, ignoring the way Felix glared at our touching hands.

“Please have a seat,” he said, gesturing to the place right next to the head of the table. “Felix, you can occupy the chair next to mine.”

“How gracious,” Felix muttered, but our host was generous enough to forgive Felix’s dismissive tone.

“Let’s begin,” Lord Park announced, and we all situated ourselves around the table as several servants entered the room with delicious-smelling platters and dishes full of delectable offerings. “I’ve prepared the best,” Lord Park said. “Help yourselves.”

I smiled in his direction before perusing the vast selections. “It all looks amazing.”

“Thank you,” Lord Park said before briefly glancing in Felix’s direction. “Felix, my dearest boy, you are more than welcome to your share.”

I shot a glare in Felix’s direction because he refused to accept any of Lord Park’s hospitality. “I’m not hungry,” he grumbled.

“Not hungry!” Lord Park exclaimed. “I shall be offended if you sit there while the rest of us enjoy ourselves.”

“Felix,” I snapped - growing more and more irritated since he refused to look at me. “Don’t behave this way.”

“I’m not hungry!” Felix insisted with a far more aggressive tone.

“My word,” Lord Park said. “Will you let him get away with this?”

“It’s been a long week,” I tried to explain. “Felix has been stressed from making arrangements with our armies.”

“It’s still unacceptable behavior from someone in his position,” Lord Park remarked, and Felix’s hand tightened around his fork.

“He’ll improve,” I said, but I knew that Felix’s infamous fits of passionate rage could last for weeks at a time. “Please, Lord Park, tell us more about your daily affairs.”

“I would be glad to lead the conversation,” Lord Park said, and he started launching himself into a retelling of his dealings with a rather mischievous servant who had returned to work that day after nearly a week of constant absences. “Who does he think he is?” Lord Park scoffed. “Of course, I immediately sent him home without pay. We can’t have such actions go unpunished. It sets a bad example for the others.”

“Perhaps he has a good reason for staying away,” I said.

“Oh, he was going on about his wife,” Lord Park said with a roll of his eyes. “But it’s not of my concern. After all, I must keep this place in good condition for my future wife. I’ve been busy renovating a private shelter just for your dragons.”

“Oh, how fascinating,” I lied, dropping my hand on top of his and ignoring the way Felix flinched from the corner of my eye.

“Tell me about the beasts,” he requested. “Are they well-trained?”

“Of course,” I said. “They are quite obedient.”

“It’s just remarkable to me,” Lord Park continued. “They’re such a rare species. How did you find three perfectly good dragon eggs?”

I hesitated at his question, and my eyes met Felix’s for the first time that evening. Because my precious dragons had been a gift from Felix - back when I was still very young and afraid of the world. My aspirations seemed far too ambitious at the time, and I lamented to Felix that I had nothing to support my claim to the throne other than an unverifiable family tree. I told him that I wanted something to make me look powerful, and he had spent days following nothing more than a whispered rumor - until he found what he was looking for in the three dragon eggs hidden away in the mountains. When he brought them to me that night, we made love for the very first time - both young and inexperienced virgins - while the eggs sat next to the fireplace all night long.

But the next morning, the egg shells were in pieces, and three very tiny dragon hatch-lings greeted me with innocent eyes and adorable features.

“It’s a long story,” I told Lord Park before clearing my throat. “Please excuse me for a moment.”

“Take your time,” Lord Park said, but he was clearly at ease while drinking his second glass of wine.

I bowed my head in gratitude before rushing out of the dining room - entering the next chamber where a small window allowed me a discreet view of Lord Park. I could feel my stomach churn while looking at the horrible man - and I desperately wanted to blame the wine but I recognized the bitter sensation of guilt as it sunk against my chest.

“Do you remember when I fucked you for the very first time?”

I turned around with a start at the unexpected sound of Felix’s voice - spotting him standing at the entrance to the room. “Felix,” I whispered, feeling my heart flutter against my sternum.

“You became my entire world, Y/N,” Felix said, approaching me with measured steps as I forced myself to meet his impenetrable gaze. “I feel like I’ve loved you for my whole life, and I know that I’m the only man who could ever make you truly happy.”

“Felix,” I repeated, but my confidence was in shambles, and there were tears falling in streaks because I was horrified by the idea of marrying Lord Park and losing Felix’s touch forever.

“Tell me again, Y/N,” Felix said, and he was so close that I could see the way his chest heaved with every deep breath. “If you can find the nerve to lie to me like the rat sitting in the next room, then please refuse my heart and end my misery.”

I sniffled because I was close to hysteria as I shook my head, reaching out to wrap my arms around Felix’s neck. “I love you,” I told him. “I don’t know what I would do without your presence by my side.”

“Then we’re the same,” Felix said, and I gasped when he unwound my arms and spun me around - shoving me up against the counter. “Do you think your war is worth that cruel bastard?” Felix asked, and his fingers kept a harsh grip in my hair as he forced my head back against his shoulder - whispers low and seductive in my ear. “Perhaps it might seem like it to you, but you’ll be miserable with him. And do you know why?”

“No,” I said in return. “I don’t know.”

I guess my response wasn’t enough. Because it was like my words had triggered something primal, and I was left at the mercy of Felix as he jerked my hips back away from the counter - only to bend me over as he quickly reached down to bundle the hem of my gown between one hand. And I shivered when nothing but cold air touched my most intimate place - shaking like a leaf when he tugged my panties down my legs.

“What did those stupid assholes at the Iron Bank tell you?” Felix snarled, spreading my legs and resuming his place in the empty space - pressing the front of his erection against my heat. “Actions speak louder than words, isn’t that right?”

“Yes!” I cried because it was hard to keep myself together in the presence of this unfiltered Felix - listening to the sounds of his zipper as he tugged down his pants. His cock was warm and rigid when he used his free hand to guide the tip along my folds, moving himself up and down but never penetrating inside.

“What would those people think if they saw their queen begging for my cock?” Felix asked. “Would Lord Park think less of you if he knew that your adviser could take you whenever he pleased?”

I moaned at the rhetorical question - knowing that Lord Park was just on the other side of the glass. It fed my growing arousal, and my mouth opened around a scream when Felix started to push his cock into my sensitive pussy. “Oh!” I cried - a broken sound that only continued to increase in volume as Felix pushed down against my lower back and started pounding his cock between my tight walls.

“I’ll treat you like a slut,” Felix said. “If that’s what you really think of our relationship.”

“Nothing I said was true!” I whimpered. “I love you, Felix.”

“Yeah?” Felix purred, and it was a complete contradiction to his earlier tone. “Will you finally admit your feelings for me, Y/N? Only after I’m forced to make an example of this little cunt.”

“Please, Felix,” I said, sobbing against my forearms as both of his hands moved down to grab my waist - using it as leverage to force his cock as deep as possible.

“Look at him while I’m fucking you,” Felix growled, holding even tighter to my waist as he fucked me like it might be the last time he would ever have the honor and privilege. “You think he could ever be this good for you?”

“Nobody can ever match you, Felix,” I told him earnestly while trying to support myself against the counter.

“This pussy belongs to me,” Felix said, snapping his hips as if trying to make a point. “It can only be satisfied by my cock.”

“You’re right,” I whined, looking up through the window where Lord Park remained seated at the table - calmly attending to his own business without any idea that the woman he was trying to seduce was getting fucked in the next room.

“You might marry that bastard,” Felix continued, anchoring my thigh around his waist to find an even better angle - hitting my g-spot with every upstroke. “But you won’t share his bed, do you understand? That privilege will remain with me!”

“Felix,” I whispered, closing my eyes when I felt my orgasm approaching - the familiar heat burning inside of me. Hotter than any dragon fire.

“My queen,” Felix said. “Say my name, Y/N. Let him hear how good my cock makes you feel.”

“Shit, Felix,” I moaned, even though I had no idea what I was actually begging him to do for me. But I knew that Felix would always do his best to give me whatever I wanted.

“Come for me,” Felix grunted, pounding his hips into mine as he knocked my waist against the edge of the table. “I can tell that you’re close.”

But it was still the first time that I had ever come on command, and I screamed his name when I fell apart around his pulsating erection, feeling him continue to move inside of me until he was satisfied as well - cum dripping down my thighs.

“Remember this moment,” Felix said. “Because I know you aren’t attracted to him, and I know that you aren’t serious about an engagement.”

“I’m not,” I said, leaning back into his weight as he brought us to the floor, allowing my dress to fall into place as he held me tightly in his arms. “Nobody could ever replace you, Felix.”

“Because you’re mine,” Felix purred, and he was more pliant after being sated, sharing his deepest feelings as we resigned ourselves to the undeniable love that had followed us ever since our very first meeting on a warm, spring afternoon.

It was such a beautiful recollection, and I found myself crying in Felix’s arms as he shushed me quietly. “I don’t want to marry him,” I said. “But what else can I do?”

“I know, my love,” Felix said, and he was so gentle as he carded his fingers through my hair - knotted from his rough touches earlier. “It pains me to see you like this, but I might have a way to prevent your suffering.”

“It’s never easy,” I said, and Felix smiled when he wiped away my tears. “I can’t turn down his ships.”

“Then marry him, Y/N,” he said, ignoring the way that I shivered. “I’ll handle the rest.”

I swallowed hard at his ominous promise. “What will you do to him?”

“It won’t involve your hand,” Felix said. “Leave it to me, my sweet queen. I’ll make sure that your heart never hurts this way again.”

I lifted my head to meet his familiar gaze, and I saw the determination right in front of me. It was reassuring, and I carefully nodded because I would always trust Felix with my life.

One Month Later

I would always recall the winter’s morning when I set sail across the narrow sea to meet my destiny in King’s Landing.

Our enormous fleet of ships proved to be an imposing force as we started sailing across the waters - leaving behind Essos with my armies attending to their duties. The departure of our forces marked an entire month since I had married Lord Park in a private ceremony in view of the officials and his close friends and family. He had whispered to me during our first dance together - talking about how he was going to put a child inside me.

Yet, that very same night, he could only penetrate the tip of his disgusting cock before a familiar hand was slicing across his throat - using a knife made of Valyrian steel to end Lord Park’s life. I remembered that there had been so much blood - draining from the terrible man in rivulets of crimson until he collapsed next to me face-down into the mattress. He continued to convulse as he struggled while Felix knelt in his place - wiping the blood from his skin and looking down at me with a desperate hunger.

The news of Lord Park’s death traveled quickly, and I played the part of a distraught housewife who described the masked assassin who had snuck into our room and killed my poor husband. There was nobody to doubt me, especially when I called my dragons to the official hearing, and their intimidating presence was enough to cement my lie. And since all of Lord Park’s estate belonged to me, I could still claim his ships and wealth - using everything to catalyze my impending journey across the narrow sea.

I was the ruthless queen who had survived death itself, and my reputation was even more formidable than it was before. There was nothing left to stop me, and I breathed in the scent of the ocean as I leaned against the banister of the impressive warship. From next to me, Felix stood tall with his long, silver hair billowing in the breeze.

“We’ll be there before sunrise,” I said, closing my eyes as I envisioned my arrival.

“Its yours for the taking, my queen,” Felix replied, and I trembled when his fingers followed the path of my spine.

“Yes,” I agreed. “It’s all mine!”

Felix smirked at my audacious declaration, and I held my head high as the land grew closer in the distance. Meanwhile, my dragons soared high above my ships and the army that would fight for their new queen and secure my rightful place on the Iron Throne.

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vintagegoddess12 · 3 years

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Lie To Me (2)

[Cordelia Goode x Reader]

A/N: Advanced Happy Holidays, everybody! Thanks for your support in every little crazy work that I put out, even if I give very slow updates. The tag part is very incomplete I feel. All of you that asked to be part of the taglist are scattered in so many post. I have to scroll really deep in my very messy timeline just to see yah names. If I forgot to tag you, please don’t be upset. Just DM. No worries, I love entertaining your requests tho. Part 2 is here with Student!Delia x Student!Reader feels. Hope you enjoy it!

Tags: @ravenforce @cordeliasflowergirl @athenamgh @stevenuniversetanzanite @germansarechill @chonisbestmistake @alurous @coconutlipss @saucy-sapphic @ghiblitearss @emilyprentisswife @thats-my-peach @suckerforsally @worldssocialantisocial @shelby-victoria7 @madamvirgo

Cordelia’s POV

Shit! That was the first thought that crossed Cordelia's mind when she heard [Y/N]'s voice fill the room. She wasn't supposed to be here yet. "Delia," your presence immediately affecting the composure of the young witch, "what are you doing?" She tried to excuse her way out of the situation when no words came out of her. You stood in front of her, waiting for an answer when the unconscious man stirred from the bed. Cordelia's gaze remained fixed on your face, still trying to recover from the shock of being discovered red-handed. "This bitch tried to-" "Oh, shut up, Dan." you immediately cut-off the guy and sent him back to sleep. Your hands found Delia's shoulder, shaking her back to reality. The blonde looked at you, her roommate, and mustered the courage to answer her previous question. "It wasn't supposed to do that." "Do what?" Myrtle's question hung in the air as the two young witches remained silent, watching their instructor stand in their bedroom doorway. The redhead witch glanced at the unconscious body on Delia's bed before returning her attention to her impossibly silent ward. "If you're not going to answer me," Myrtle paused to take a hit from her signature cigarette, " you will answer to the council." She proceeded to walk away. Delia turned to you, fear, and panic present in her eyes. "Why would the council be involved?" You took a deep breath as if summoning all the patience left in you before answering. "There's an unconscious spellbound warlock in our bedroom," Cordelia's eyes went wider as you continued, "who happens to be a Level 2. Of course, the council will be involved." This time, Cordelia no longer had the energy to hide her vulgarity and simply exhaled, "Shit." [Y/N] looked at the body and agreed. "Shit indeed."

As the two young witches are ushered by Myrtle down to the living room, where the Council has convened, Cordelia can't help but remember how everything started.

"You will be happy here," Myrtle whispered in my ear as I watched my mother drive away from the academy. Once Fiona decides that it's time, it is time. You do not question the Supreme, you learn that early in life about her. I flashed a smile to Myrtle after Spalding took my luggage and went ahead of us. The redhead witch ushered me up the stairs as she gives me an introductory lesson about the house and its tenants. "You will be a great addition to this year's class," she remarks after seeing some of her students, dressed in black, pass by. They gave me a double look before fully walking away. I don't think that's welcoming at all. "Do we have to wear black all the time?" I blurted out just as we stopped in front of a bedroom door. Myrtle, who is obviously wearing a gold-themed outfit, looked at me like I just spoke alien. "It's just that I've always seen Mother dressed in black." "Cordelia, darling, don't be ridiculous." She caressed my hair before continuing, "Your mother may be the Supreme but she's not as good as I am when it comes to fashion." I was taken aback by how bold her statement is against Fiona. I never thought anyone had the guts to say something ill of her, especially not one from her council. "You can absolutely wear anything you like, dear." She knocked on the door as she said, "$4,000 per fit is the limit for your age range." I laughed softly at her remarks. I think I'll love her. She looks at me like there's something special in me. That's something you would not get when you stand in front of literally the most powerful witch on Earth. She opened the door and led me inside. The room had two beds, placed on opposite corners, with white sheets covering them. The bed beside the door was unmade while the one near the window had a heap of clothes on it. The sunrays give the room a heavenly feel. It's warm and homey. I think I like it. Suddenly, the bathroom door on our left opened and a woman emerged wearing only a bathroom towel. She had her hair in a bun and droplets of water run down her exposed skin. Her sight made my throat dry and I had to clear my throat just to remain focused. The sound I made did not go unnoticed by the two witches in the room. You glanced at our reflections in the mirror; your eyes showing surprise in an instant. You looked back at us and flashed a smile before saying, "give me a second." You looked back into the mirror and snapped your fingers. In an instant, the bathroom towel was replaced by a black dress with spaghetti straps. The sudden display of magic made me jump a little and I can feel the experienced witch beside me chuckle a little. "[Y/n], why don't you introduce yourself here." You walked towards us and flashed the sweetest smile I've ever seen in my life. You squinted your eyes before introducing yourself. "[Y/N] [Y/L/N]. You held my gaze, as long as I did. "Cordelia." I shifted on my feet under your gaze. "You'll be sharing the room with her, [y/n]," Myrtle pat my back, "for the whole duration of your stay in this coven." Still entranced by your smile, the pat on my back jolt me back to consciousness. "Which bed will I be using?" You pointed at the bed near the window before looking in that direction. "That one," your excited tone turned embarrassed upon seeing the bed situation. You gave me a sheepish smile as you wave your hand to move the clothes on your bed. "[Y/N], what did I say about using magic for trivial things?" You smiled at the reprimand given and mouthed sorry to the older witch. "I'll leave you two to check on our dinner." We both nodded in her way. As she was walking out the door, she turned back and said, "[y/n], behave." "When am I not?" You replied teasingly and closed the door. I walked towards the bed and noticed that my luggage was nowhere to be found. I looked under and near the bed but there was none. You must have noticed my actions. "You looking for your things?" You asked leaning on the door. "Yes." "Yeah, Spalding checks the luggage of newcomers," you sat on the edge of your bed, "to see if anyone brought any illegal items." I mimicked your action and sat on mine, silence blanketing the room for the first time. It didn't last long though. "So Cordelia," my name felt natural coming out of your lips, "where have I heard that name before?" Confusion is evident on your face. "Actually, it's Cordelia Goode." "Oh," your immediate response, "the daughter." It was now my turn to look confusingly, which you picked up easily. "People have been buzzing about you here," you started folding the heap of black clothes. "Supreme's daughter and all." I get this every time I go somewhere she's known. I shook my head and said, "too bad nothing's special about me." You looked like you were personally offended by the statement. "Everyone's special in their own way-" I was about to disagree when you raised your hand, "-trust me." A knock echoed through the room that cut off our conversation. You opened the door, revealing Spalding with my things. I stood from my bed and retrieved my belongings from the butler. You thanked him and closed the door. I started unpacking - looking - for that family heirloom from my grandmother that I tried to take with me here. I opened my jewelry box and discovered that it wasn't there. "Shit," I muttered. "You okay there, Cordy?" My head turned sharply in your direction, surprised by the nickname. I opened my mouth trying to come up with an answer only to have nothing. I don't understand why I get flustered easily in your presence. "If it's okay, I'll call you Cordy." You explained. I nodded. "I don't see any problem with that." I kinda like it actually. "So," your tone concerned, "is anything wrong?" "I think my mother bribed the butler to get a family heirloom that I may have smuggled here," I replied, trying to feign innocence. You let out a chuckle causing you to smile, the kind that I will look forward to in the years to come. "That's an oddly specific request to make, don't you think?" You said in between laughter. "She may have asked me about it before leaving the house," I replied. Somehow, my reply made you laugh even more. At this point, I don't even mind being funny if I can hear that laugh every time. "Oh, honey," the pet name causing goosebumps in my arm for some unknown reason. "You do know that putting 'may haves' in your statement doesn't necessarily make it hypothetical." "I see that now," was all I could say while trying to hide the blush forming on my cheeks. You smiled before giving advice that I should have taken seriously, "Do me a favor and don't try to lie. You're terrible at it." --- [Y/N]’s POV Fleming. Pembroke. Snow. Three respected witches and ally that stands as the Coven's Council. Three sets of eyes that did not hide how displeased they are with what happened. If that wasn't enough, Fiona Goode is in the room to witness all of this. Myrtle, who is seated in the middle, asked the first question to the two young witches in front of them. "Who cast the first spell to Dan Miller?" Her eyes darting between Cordelia and yours. "A Level 2 warlock," Quentin Fleming added. Cecily Pembroke did not miss the chance to speak up after, "who shouldn't even be in the premises;" clearly insinuating something. You and your roommate remained silent. You sense her cowering from the death stare being shot to her by her own mother, who is constantly blowing out smoke from the other side of the room. "I am going to ask again. Who-" "Myrtle, this is a waste of time." The Supreme spoke as she moves towards the both of you. "They're young. They're witches." Her gaze now burning through your skin. "Just because you didn't fool around, doesn't mean they shouldn't." She looked at you like she can read you from head to toe. With the extent of her powers, she probably can. Myrtle huffed. It was no secret that the two older witches have great animosity between them that started since they lived at the academy. For you to see it in action, that was another thing. Their relationship is the total opposite of what you and Cordelia have. You're inseparable. It only has been months but you're pretty sure you found a second home whenever she's around. So you know that whatever she did, it was an accident. "I did it," you confessed. Cordelia sharply turned her head in your direction, not minding that her mother is standing in front of her. You remained looking at the Council of three to gauge their reaction. Fiona, who is now moving away from your periphery, looks so pleased she might- Actually, you don't know. You have no idea what type of kindness the Supreme can show you. The redhead let out an exasperated sigh. As if she expected this kind of behavior from you. "What did you do?" "Dan is my boyfriend," you can feel the raised eyebrows and judgment. "I mean was, probably, because I'm pretty sure we'll break up after all of this." There's no lie to this. Cordelia looked down once again, feeling sorry for what she did. You continued to explain, as you make up the story on the fly. "Which is the point of the spell." Myrtle urged you to go on. "I've been trying to break up with him. I've said it nicely. Politely." Your face now turning sour, "but he just keeps coming back." This is where the fiction begins. "So I thought, maybe I can urge him to break up with me if I use my powers on him." Quentin looked puzzled before asking his question. "What is her power anyway?" Myrtle, who tended to you since birth, replied, "reality alteration." You continued. "I didn't know the spell would fail, terribly. When he started to wake up, he started asking questions, So I sent him back to sleep." You gulped, ready to cement the lie. "That's when Cordelia walked into our room. Followed by Myrtle." "See it was just a lover's quarrel," the Supreme quipped from behind. The redhead looks like she's so close to throwing a vase at her. "If you had relations with a non-witch individual, we wouldn't be here." Myrtle stood up to further emphasize her point. "But you know that any spell used against our brothers and sisters is considered a grave offense." "I never meant to hurt him," you reasoned. "I just want to lead him to the idea of breaking up." The small sobs of Cordelia did not go unnoticed in your hearing. "Besides, this wasn't the first time a spell is used in the course of the relationship." The instant stopping of the typewriter signaled that even Pembroke was surprised. "What do you mean?" She said. "We've used certain spells," you paused thinking if saying this was the right thing. Delia couldn't even look at you whenever you recount your romantic adventures to her. You continued, "to heighten certain experiences." "It still doesn't change the fact-" Myrtle once again was cut off by her archnemesis. "Enough," the commanding voice of the Supreme filled the halls. "She already admitted it. She said she never meant to hurt him. She went as far as to recount a personal memory just so you would understand." The council member did not hide how she tried to bite her tongue before speaking up. "Let me remind you that you are here as Cordelia's mother and not as [y/n]'s lawyer." Delia once told you how sharp her mother's eyes can be when she's mad. If looks could kill, Myrtle would probably be dead now. The sound of her stilettos was crisp against the tiled floor. She situated herself in front of the Council's table, starting the three of them down. If that's even possible. You took this time to see how your Cordy is doing. "Hey," you whispered. She looked up to you, not knowing how puffy her eyes had been. "You didn't have to do this, you know." Her sobs now getting weaker. You send a small smile her way before replying. "Yes, I have to because he's my baggage and you, honey, are still terrible in lying." You reached her hand to give her a squeeze. A little reminder that you're still here, beside her - always. Turning your attention back to the staring contest in front of you. You realized that 2 out of the 3 are already hunkered at the sheer proximity of their Supreme. It's actually a surprise that Myrtle can hold her own against her. "Let me remind you," Fiona's voice laced with poison, "that I am your Supreme." Your mentor clenched her jaw before sitting down - a sign of submission. Cordelia sat on her bed, waiting for you to come back from the Council deliberation. She insisted she wanted to stay but her mother is not the person she would say no to. So here she is, worried for whatever punishment you'll receive that should have been hers. There is no doubt she's beating herself up. She just wanted to help you get rid of Dan. She absolutely did not want it to go this way. Such a stupid, reckless mistake. The door opened to reveal you, with Fiona behind. The young witch jumped from the bed and hugged you like it's second nature. Your hands found her back and relished at the warmth her body emanates. "Hey, everything's fine." You cooed. You can feel her jaw move against your skin before you hear her say, "Are you sure? You're not getting burned at the stake?" The both of you heard Fiona chuckled as you release her daughter from the embrace. "The next time the two of you want to play boner hot potato, can you do it without attracting the Council?" Delia was about to react when she felt your hand stop her from doing so. She leaned into the touch, always welcoming whatever physical affection you give her. "Noted, ma'am." You replied before the Supreme walked away. "I'm really sorry," Cordelia sat you down and never let go of your hand. You sent a soft smile her way before replying. "I know you are but," you pulled her to sit beside you, "why did you use re vera falsum on him?" Cordy fidgeted with her hands, unable to look at you. Your hand reached for hair and caressed it all the way down to her back; a simple action that sent chills down her spine. Still unable to answer, you next asked her, "Do you like him?" Cordelia was obviously shocked by the question because not only did she stop fidgeting, she also looked up to you with wide eyes. "I mean you could have just told him that you wanted a threesome or something, he would probably say yes," you continued. "No," she shook her head. "No, I don't." You looked at her, trying to understand why she did- "Do you not like him..." you paused to put pieces together, "for me?" Once again, Cordelia felt shame inside, and looked down before saying, "I'm really sorry." To be completely honest, you would have settled with a nod as a response to the question.

It's not in her character to meddle in your romantic life and you're pretty sure that her reason runs deeper than simply helping you break it off with him. You shrugged it off and told yourself that this is a conversation for another day or decade. You shot her a smile before replying, "it's okay. Just remember you can't use re vera falsum ever." Her eyes did not hide the curiosity that she instantly tried to bury. "Did Fiona really not tell you anything about our heritage?" "Only that she's the most important part of it," she quipped. "Well, Cordy," you made yourself comfortable on the bed, "let me tell you about the only witch alive who can alter reality."

#cordelia goode x reader #Cordelia Goode #I'm a sarah paulson simp can you tell #sarah paulson #sarah paulson x reader #sarah paulson imagine #ahs imagine #cordelia goode imagine

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anika-ann · 3 years

Text

WINSoD - Pt.5

If One Should Fall...

Type: series, soulmate AU series (part 1, part 2, part 3)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader Word count: 3120

Summary: In which distribution of forces on the stones-retrieving mission changes. Because— reasons.The reason being a special visit someone pays you.

Warnings!: skip to post-Infinity War and the summary of it - you can imagine; deaths, violence....briefly tho, + language, mention of the inability to bear children, brief suicidal thoughts, kinda religious motives because SPN

A/N: Enormous time skip, because obviously CA:CW didn’t happen and the timeline is changed from canon already. Also, the title (What I’d Never Say or Do had I been in my right mind) is reeeeeally applicable in this one and somehow… it felt right to connect the chapters like this. Do not murder me…?

Part 4

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Forever was a funny word. A funny concept, perhaps. People always said they wished for some moments to last forever and what they meant was for them to last as long as possible, with no change in sight. Or they said that something unpleasant felt like it lasted forever, their souls craving an end of the misery, a fundamental change as the polar opposite to the first case.

You lived through both in the past years.

Sitting on your ass in a Wakandian palace, watching a battle unfold in front of you, an ensemble of great warriors fighting yet another army from space, that felt like forever, a never-ending nightmare and you only got to watch.

It set a pattern for you for several more years to come. To only watch.

You watched an alien creature steal the sceptre that the Avengers had decided to store in the palace and it did so while killing everything in its way. Princess Shuri had the great idea of hiding you and cuffing you so you wouldn’t stand in the creature’s path while she tried to stop it with the others. She ended up in shattered glass, only unconscious, as if thanks to a miracle.

You watched as… as she fell apart to ashes only minutes later; just like many, oh so many others.

Half of the population, they said.

Thanos, The Mad Titan, had wiped half of all living creatures.

The moment was carved into your brain forever. And the eternal time you waited for anyone to come back from the battle, to see Steve alive, because God, please, let him live – yes, that sure as hell felt like forever too.

Lives were lost. Bucky, Sam, Ryan, Wanda, Pietro, Peter, Shuri, T’Challa, Strange, Fury… the list went on and on. All of them, gone. Forever.

The world changed. Avengers ow officially didn’t exist and yet recruited new members all over the freakin’ space, which was the only way of finding out Tony Stark, who had disappeared on a spaceship, in fact, survived.

The missions of the greatest defenders of Earth changed as well. Some members took off to start a family, lucky enough to still have a partner to do so. Or to have the ability to pass their genes.

You couldn’t. Or maybe Steve couldn’t, it didn’t matter. You never pried after the source of your inability to have children; you two were one, a unity. You didn’t want to know so you could point fingers. You could tell Steve blamed himself, as well as he knew that your irregular period was definitely not helping. You made your peace. In fact, you admired Tony for finding the courage to create an environment for a child in this mad world; your lack of faith in being able to do the same had the opportunity rose ironically helped you to come to terms with the fact of your body was not functioning right.

In a way, it only drew you and Steve closer. You had valued each other before, yes, but now… you truly were like one. You backed him up in how he decided to honour Sam’s memory by starting a support group and he was the one to sense that in a search for reassurance, strangely materialistic, you craved an official bond with him, despite never saying a word.

You were Steve’s wife now – and you were each other’s rock, even during the poor attempt at defeating Thanos again.

Five years was a long time, a forever, one might say, but when Scott Lang, one of the people believed to been dusted, reappeared, forever and never became relative again.

Which led you to now; what was left of the Earth’s mightiest heroes was planning on retrieving the infinity stones.

Because they figured out how to time-travel.

Observing your reflection in the mirror, the circles under your eyes, you couldn’t but run your hand down your face and sigh.

You were still struggling with accepting the incredible fact of the possibility of coming back in time, yet you had to shush the hope inside you. Hope was a dangerous thing; certainly on such big scale as everything could being as it had been, hope that all the people who had lost their lives during the Snap could be resurrected.

As for a person who in fact had died once, it was easier for you to believe it was possible and you weren’t sure that it was a good thing. The fear of losing what you still had – read Steve, mainly – in the process, was paralyzing. It would mean your end, one you might deliver by yourself if it came to it, because you weren’t as strong as your husband. You wouldn’t make it through. Not after everything that happened.

You sighed again and tried to shake off the darkest thoughts.

When your eyes fell on the reflection again, a man stood behind your shoulder.

You spun on your heels and jerked away, your bottom bumping into the sink with a startled yelp escaping your lips.

In a fraction of second, several ways of defending yourself flashed through you mind; but the man was already three feet away; in a blink of an eye, before you could even move further.

Chest heaving with frantic breaths, hand over your heart, you stared at the intruder dressed in a three-piece suit and a red cravat. Of average height and maybe few pounds over healthy weight, smoothly shaven so his smirk could stand out, he looked… peculiar, especially given the fact he had found himself in the ladies’ room.

It shouldn’t have surprised you he spoke up with some kind of an accent on top of everything, but it did.

“Saving the world is exhausting, isn’t it?”

You stared at him, speechless. Your brain kicked into an overdrive, analysing how much of a threat he was, if he was like Pietro, too fast for Friday to catch him, or what was he-

“Who the-“

“I’m Crowley, darling. And you don’t need look so scared. If I wanted you dead, you’d be already lying here in a puddle of blood,” he reassured you like a sleazy businessman, all pretence at kindness.

You winced at the visual and narrowed your eyes.

“Alright, Crowley, what do you want? And what exactly are you?” you demanded, uncertain why you felt calm despite the man appearing out of thin air and speaking of you dying in the bloodiest way. Were you truly so numb these days?

He smiled, as if he was old friend. “I am a friend of Moose and Squirrel-“ What. “-or Sam and Dean, as you know them. I have no doubt they mentioned me. After all, my mother is assisting them more than she would like. You met her, incidentally.”

It didn’t take a genius to figure it out – you hadn’t met many people during your time with the Winchesters. This man… was probably a warlock. A witch. Rowena apparently had a son.

Well. Shit.

“Okay. So… you’re a witch or something. Means I shouldn’t trust you fully. Noted. Now what do you want?”

His face twisted in a theatrical insulted grimace, his palm laid on his chest as if you just shot him through the heart – which, by the way, would probably do nothing to him.

“First of all, I am here to help, so I don’t think you have other option than trusting me. Second of all, I am not a witch, I am the King of Hell, thank you very much-“

Somewhere in the back of your mind, Sam Winchester’s voice whispered something about the King of Hell having been Dean’s bestie for a while, which did not make you feel any better, only more confused.

“And thirdly… I’m here to tell you what you, my darling, need to do for this mission to be successful.”

You stared at him incredulously, his casual stance and animated speech bewildering, and had no clue what to make of it.

Yet, you let him speak. You let him give you the advice no one ever wanted to receive. Ever. But this sleazy man had told you about how he had saved the world before, side by side with the Winchesters and everything suddenly made sense.

Crowley, the King of Hell, answered the most burning question you had been asking yourself ever since coming back from the death, doing so more and more often these days.

Why.

Why were you given the second chance at life? Why you of all people? What was the purpose?

And now you knew.

Rowena was the greatest witch the supernatural world had ever created and she supposedly looked through all the possible futures she could. Tony had once told you, drunk and hurting, that Strange had done the same right before the battle and he only saw one way of how it could end with Thanos’ loss. Now Crowley told you the ‘one’ future was still in play, that everything was actually still on the way to the world’s victory.

The price of victory was high. History had taught you that.

But the price people paid for losing was higher.

And as much as you hated what you apparently had to do…

“Okay,” you rasped, guilt already gnawing at your chest, tears strolling down your face, fear eating you up from the inside, fear of unknown and yet known, instincts fighting the urge to do the right thing and finally actually help to the heroes you found yourself among while still useless.

You were only watching too long. Forever, one might say.

“Okay?” he echoed, clearly surprised by your antics.

You only nodded, wiping away your tears and forcing your breathing to calm and steady. There was no way you could go back to the base of operating in the living room like this. You needed to be a fucking grown-up. Grown-ups had to be okay with not being okay. You must finally become worthy of being Captain Amer- Steve’s wife.

“Yes, Crowley. I’ll do it. Though I still have no idea why you came here to tell me. Aren’t you supposed to be the bad guy?” you teased him lightly, your mouth speaking its will without permission, the question only half-expecting an answer.

“Well, my darling. It’s the end of the world as we know it. It doesn’t matter now if you’re good or bad. Not if you want the world not to end.”

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You were a terrible actress; a Razzies-nominee kind of actress. You couldn’t lie to save your life (the irony of such statement was not lost on you, yet it wasn’t properly appreciated either) and you were aware of the fact that Steve liked that about you. You could never lie to him. So you never tried.

You knew you couldn’t break that streak now, because he would see right through you. So you stooped lower than ever. Omitting the truth. Lying by not sharing the whole story. Whether you could make that work, only time would tell.

When you finally managed to compose yourself – at least more or less – and exited the bathroom, you found out that not much had changed. The team was still debating the details of best approach, uncertain but determined expressions on their faces.

Steve spared once glace at you and instantly was able to tell something was wrong. He hid you from the view of the others by his broad figure, concerned eyes scanning your face, observing and searching for any clue; for the source of your distress. As if the fact that they were – you all were, even if they didn’t know yet – about to time travel wasn’t enough to give one palpitations and serious stress-induced headache.

His tender fingers tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear as if it would help the mess your hairstyle must have been. A small encouraging smile graced his lips despite his own mind no doubt weighted down by numerous worries.

He didn’t have to ask for you to start talking, the brilliant colour of his eyes sweet and inviting enough.

“What if something goes wrong?” you questioned in a hushed whisper, not having to pretend to have such haunting thought. “What if… I don’t even want to think about what could it be. You’re going to need someone capable to pull you out. I am… I am not that capable. Definitely not when it comes to science of time-travel.”

Despite Steve acting like a human shield, your concerns were acknowledged by everyone, their heads snapping your direction. Steve, feeling all the curious eyes, cleared his throat and gently took your arm, leading you away from the prying ears.

“….excuse us for a second,” he hummed absently, waiting until he was out of earshot to speak with you again. “Doll… what- what is this really about?”

“What do you mean-“ you bluffed lamely in an instant, but the look Steve gave you shut you up.

“I know you, sweetheart. You can’t lie to me.”

If you weren’t dreading what you were about to do, you might throw a ‘watch me’ back at him. Instead, you aimed for an irritated tone – one that would be justified in case he would truly be questioning the claim you were about to point out.

“So you think I’m not afraid for you?”

A frown crossed over his face, his palm on your bicep tightening before he eased his hold to brush his thumb over the very same spot. “No! That’s not- I just know there’s something more. What is it?”

Gulping and averting his gaze, because the intense burn of genuine concern was unbearable, your mind raced with the effort to find the right words.

Your stomach was tied in tight knots, turning at the idea of playing Steve, more so for such nefarious purpose. But how else you could have convinced him that it couldn’t in fact be him and Natasha going to Vormir to retrieve the soul stone?

“I… I want to help. I need to help, Steve. You’re— you're so strong, always the hero and I’m not even close, I-“

“-need to prove my worth?” he finished easily, a knowing look in his eyes, and fuck him, how did he know—

He might not understand fully, he had no way of knowing what Crowley told you to do, but still, Steve was still able to recognize what fuelled your determination, what were your motives.

You opened your mouth uselessly, a shaky exhale brushing Steve’s face as he lowered his head to you, his eyes wide and genuinely troubled. God, you couldn’t bare the intensity of his gaze.

“Christ, doll. Where’s this coming from? Don’t be rid-“ From the corner of your eye, you saw him lick his lips as he swiftly cut himself off before calling you ridiculous. His large warm palms framed your face, forcing you to lock your gaze with his, passionate words accented by the burning fire of his irises. “You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Not to them, certainly not to me. You are my everything and you are the most amazing person I have ever met-“

You closed your eyes, a soft smile tugging at your lips despite your better judgement. You never doubted Steve’s feelings, yet he was always quick to reassure you, having the patience of a saint whenever he noticed a hint of insecurity.

“I know. I swear I know that, I know how you feel, but- let me do this. What if… what if you don’t come back? What if you don’t come back and I’d be just sitting here, knowing I could have done something, but I didn’t. You’re too familiar with that feeling, Steve. Please. Let me come with you,” you pleaded in a hushed voice, hating you reminded him of losing you, but knowing it might be effective. “You know you can protect me when it comes to it.”

Brows drawn together, Steve observed you, baffled and yet understanding at the same time, torn between the instinct to have you protected at the compound and the responsibility he felt towards this mission. This was the fight of your lives; deep down, he must have known he couldn’t afford to jeopardize that even if it came to you. Which, naturally, didn’t mean he had to like it.

A clearing of one’s throat that sounded a bit like a clap of thunder interrupted your staring contest and you both glanced towards Bruce’s huge green form in the doorway, sheepish expression comical on his massive face.

“…sorry to interrupt, but… we kinda all think she has a point so-“

Steve’s sucked in air between his teeth, letting his hands drop from you face, only for one of them to run through his hair, the other balling in a fist.

You shrugged, the battle of emotions – victory and defeat at the same time, because God, why – no doubt visible on your face as Steve turned his attention solely to you once more.

“I’ll give you guys another sec…” Bruce hummed, backing out of the door, leaving you to deal with clearly irritated and reluctant Steve.

Thanks, buddy.

Wordlessly, Steve’s fingers slipped beneath your jaw, pulling you in for one of the strangest kisses of your life. H poured all his emotions into one simple gesture, hungry and intense, intimate wet sound of a dirty encounter of mouths echoing in the otherwise silent room. You allowed yourself to get lost in the sensation of Steve’s lips on yours, in his arm grabbing you and pressing flush against his hard chest; it was all too harsh for anyone to believe it was not a display of affection of a half-desperate man.

Breathless and with vertigo nearly overcoming you, you rested your forehead against Steve’s, mirroring his action once you parted. His eyes were closed shut, as if too heavy to kept open, but you could see that something in his expression shifted; you and Bruce won.

Peripherally, you noticed Crowley’s faint figure, the shortest of appearances as he nodded in approval and goodbye. You suspected he did something so Steve gave in; you didn’t care what and how, hoping it didn’t harm your soulmate.

Tears stung in your eyes when you realized what was to come and you forced them to be kept at bay, shutting your eyes close again.

“Fine, have it your way,” Steve rasped, his voice clearly irked, yet resigned. “But if you get one scratch on you, doll, just one, I’ll hold you responsible.”

No, you won’t.

You charmed a guilty smile, a lame tiny thing, and he inhaled sharply, only for huffing the air out.

“How could I, having my chivalrous man by my side?”

It earned you a kiss on your forehead, Steve’s fingers interlacing with yours when you made your way back to the other room where everyone waited.

Oh, how much it now hurt, the amount of faith Steve could put into you, charmed by your teary smile, that little thing puling on his heartstrings.

Oh, just how much it would hurt…

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Part 6

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This chapter might seem a bit strange, but hopefully it fits the atmosphere of Infinity War and Endgame…

Thanks for being here. I love you for your encouragement :-*

P.S. Here, have the last part of a SPN guide - visuals and references for Amara (God’s sister who gave back ‘reader’s’ memories) and Crowley (from this chapter).

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samanthaa-leanne · 4 years

Text

First Dates

So this one-shot goes out to one of the best people I have in my life @anotherhydrangea. Thank you for messaging me that first time and for continuously messaging me. I’m so thankful for you and our friendship. I honestly don’t know where I would be without you. So uhh happy birthday love, I love you so much and I hope you like it. <3

A huge thank you to @class1-a for beta reading for me. Ilysm.

To say you were nervous about tonight was an understatement. You ended up looking through your closet for a half hour before finally deciding on an outfit. You kept reminding yourself that tonight was nothing too extravagant. Just a casual get to know each other type of date at your favorite cafe. However, no matter how many times you told yourself that, you still had to look as good as you could.

It was a little chilly with fall weather approaching so you opted for your favorite pair of jeans, a beautiful gray knitted sweater, and your favorite pair of converse. You left your hair down and threw on a beanie to complete the look.

How you let your best friend talk you into going on a date with a random guy you met from Tinder, you have no clue, but you took their advice anyways; their logic seemed sound at the time.

“Oh, come on. You haven’t been on a date in years.” They said, dragging out the word.

As soon as you tried to shut down the idea, they cut you off, knowing exactly what you were about to say before you could say it, “Oh come on! Just think, why the hell not?” They yelled rather enthusiastically into the phone.

So here you were standing in front of your mirror, looking at your reflection, replaying their words in your head. “Why the hell not, indeed.” You said as you grabbed your keys and headed out the door.

You found yourself having to talk yourself into not turning around and hiding underneath your covers, the short walk to the café. Your nerves get the best of you until you repeat your friends’ advice in your head. “Why the hell not, what could go wrong?”

As you turned the corner and the café came into sight, you spotted your date standing outside waiting for you, and you couldn’t help but let your jaw drop at the sight of him. His picture didn’t do him justice. You had to take a deep breath before you were able to muster up enough courage to walk up to him. His eyes were scanning the area until they landed on you, a small smile coming to his lips when your eyes met.

“Hi, you must be YLN.” He said, and you almost fainted by his voice alone.

“And you must be Akaashi.” You said as you shook his outstretched hand as a slight blush appeared on your cheeks.

“Should we go in?” He asked with a light chuckle as he tipped his head toward the door.

You could only nod in agreement, not being able to find your words. He opened the door for you, his smile never leaving his face as he gestured for you to go inside.

As soon as you walked inside, your favorite barista let out a little squeal of joy once they saw you—your cheeks flared-up in embarrassment as you made your way to the counter with Akaashi.

“Your usual?” She asked with a wide smile as she looked from you to your date with sparkles in her eyes.

“Yes, thank you.” You answered with a smile as you tried to tell her to calm down with your eyes, failing miserably.

“And for you?” She asked as she turned towards Akaashi, the smile never leaving her face.

“Chai tea with almond milk, please.” He answered as he handed the cashier his card before you could even get your wallet out—your favorite barista giving you “the eyes” as she looked at you with a knowing smile.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know.” You said as you looked up at him with quirked brows.

He just shrugged and made his way over to the other side of the counter as he waited for your order. You took this time to check him out in better lighting. There was no doubt in your mind that he was way out of your league. His black hair was slightly messy but tame at the same time. He seemed to wear a dull, emotionless expression on his face, and his gunmetal blue eyes seemed like they could see into a person’s soul within seconds. His beauty was deafening, and you found yourself wondering why he had agreed to go out with you in the first place.

“I have a mocha, and a chai tea made with almond milk.” The barista announced as she handed the drinks to Akaashi, who then motioned to an empty booth in the corner.

You followed him to the booth and thanked him as he handed you your drink. You didn’t know where to start the conversation as you took a small sip from your cup.

“So, this is the first time I’ve done something like this,” Akaashi spoke up as his eyes met yours.

“Same here. I actually haven’t been on a date in awhile.” You answered honestly as your cheeks pinked up. “Do you maybe just want to get to talk and get to know each other better?” You asked with a shy smile.

“I’d like that a lot.” He answered with a small smile of his own as he jumped right into it.

You guys talked about your childhood, what schools you went to, your friends, hobbies, favorite places, where you want to vacation, and everything in between. You both asked and shared so much with each other that by the end of the date it seemed like you guys had known each other your whole lives.

“Hey YLN, I just wanted to let you know the shop is closing in 15 minutes.” The barista said as she gave you a quick smile before walking away.

“Is it that late already?” Akaashi asked as he looked down at his watch.

“I guess time really does fly when you're having fun.” You said with a chuckle as you slid out of the booth and over to the trash can to throw yours and Akaashi’s empty cup away.

“If you're not sick of me yet, I know a great park we can go walk around?” He asked once you made your way back over to him.

“Are you sure you aren’t sick of me?” You asked with a slight tease to your voice.

“Not at all.” He answered with a smile as he held the door out for you.

“The park sounds wonderful.” You replied with a smile as he slid his hand in yours lightly pulling you into the direction of the park.

His hand fit perfectly in your own and it didn’t take long before your stomach was filled with butterflies. He continued to talk about his life as the two of you walked. The conversation was filled with laughter and memories of him and his best friend Bokuto. Listening to him talk about his friend made you feel like you had known the two of them your whole life. You had learned so much about him in the few hours you’ve been together, but you found yourself wanting to know even more. You could listen to Akaashi talk for hours and not get tired of his voice.

You gently squeezed his hand as he continued talking about Bokuto. You soon arrived at your destination and your jaw dropped at how beautiful the park looked tonight. The leaves littered the sidewalk with beautiful colors as they fell from the trees. Fall had to be one of your favorite seasons with how beautiful it made everything, especially the man who stood beside you.

His smile was infectious and you couldn’t help but smile or laugh alongside him. Just being in his presence seemed to calm down your nerves from earlier. You honestly didn’t want this date to end, and you hoped he would want to see you again, because you definitely wanted to see him again.

You walked around and talked for another hour or so before you both decided it was getting late and you should head home. He insisted on walking you home and you couldn’t turn him down when he gave you one of his heart melting smiles. The walk home wasn’t long enough and you were soon standing in front of your apartment building, dreading that the night had finally come to an end.

“I had a lot of fun tonight.” He spoke up as he squeezed your hand gently. “This may be too forward, but I’d love to see you again. If you’d like that anyways.”

“I’d love to.” You answered a little too quickly, a slight blush adorning your cheeks.

He let out a small chuckle as his eyes met yours, and you soon were lost in the beautiful blue of his eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked as he looked down at you, a blush on his face as well.

You couldn’t find your words, so you nodded your head and closed your eyes once you saw him lean down, his hands coming up to hold your face in a warm embrace.

His lips touched yours, they were a lot softer than you expected. You couldn’t help but smile into the kiss as he pushed his lips into yours a little harder, but still maintaining the softness nonetheless. It was a perfect first kiss that lasted a lot longer than you thought it would.

He pulled away slightly, leaning his forehead against your own as he left his hands on your face. You were both smiling like idiots, but you were so beyond happy. Today couldn’t have gone better if you tried.

“Goodnight YN.” He said as he leaned in to give you one last kiss before you went up to your apartment.

“Goodnight Keiji.” You whispered against his lips as he kissed you one last time before promising to text you when he got home safe.

You watched as he walked away and waited until he was out of your sight before heading up to your apartment. Once you were safely inside you pulled out your phone and called your bestfriend to tell them all about the date.

“See I told you!” They said with a small laugh after they listened to you squeal about how perfect he was. “You just gotta think why the hell not and just do it.”

“I think why the hell not is going to be my new mantra.” You said with a laugh as you let the memories of tonight play in your head on loop.

After you got off the phone with your bestfriend you got ready for bed. Once you laid down and got comfortable under your covers your phone chimed with a text.

Just wanted to let you know I made it home safe. I had a great time tonight and was hoping you’d like to go on another date tomorrow?

You smiled down at your phone, squealing a little at the fact that he already wanted to see you again, before replying.

I’d love to.

Perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight beautiful.

Goodnight Keiji. <3

You set your phone down and was soon fast asleep wishing for the hours to go by quickly so you could see Keiji again.

#akaashi x reader #akaashi keji x reader #haikyuu x reader #akaashi keiji #samanthaa-leanne #sam and friends #happy birthday my sweet ann how i love so very much thank you for being my friend

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