Let's play a game! Right now!!
Find all the empty bottles in your room and pick them up. Right now! Yes, now!!! Time yourself!!!
Come back to this post for a sticker reward!
Hurrrryyyyyyy!!!!!!!!! Bottttleeessss!!!!!!!!!!
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Watched a stream where they did a fav 2023 movie list, and I thought I should make my own top 10 movies of 2023.
It was really hard to rank them, but I think I got it:
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
:3
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today on the train home the guy next to me was on his phone and at one point i saw him go on tumblr and he just had like. a normie dash. like it was all photography. of nature and architecture. he was using tumblr the way a heterosexual landscaper for rich people might use instagram. i actually had to watch his screen for a few seconds to be sure it really was tumblr because i was so taken aback by the content he was viewing. this is why algorithmless websites are so beautiful btw because i genuinely didn't know that this side of tumblr even existed. he didn't even so much as scroll past any text posts.
EDIT: look i'm not going to turn off reblogs but i cannot stress enough that THIS WASN'T A HIPSTER BLOG DASH IT WASN'T AN AESTHETIC BLOG DASH IT WAS THE MOST WILDLY GENERIC COLLECTION OF IMAGES YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING OR BEING A QUIRKY FANDOM TUMBLRINA WHEN I SAY "NORMIE" I GENUINELY MEAN "SO NORMAL THAT IT CIRCLES AROUND TO WEIRD". CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME? HELLO?
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New Years Resolutions maybe?
I've never really tried New Years resolutions because I have crippling depression and am chronically demotivated so I just thought that they weren't for me. I've had to get on SSRI's recently and it's been weird time to say the least. I love that they make me feel like I don't want to die but I also feel guilty about relying on them without working on myself because that's the trap I've fallen into. These tablets don't give me superpowers, I'm still extremely demotivated and have many existential crises. I decided I want to start chipping away at this problem, slowly but surely. For that, I've come up with a list of things that I want to work on and/or remind myself of constantly. Welcome to ep 1 of "Merp is doing their best please be nice to them" (In no particular order) :
Learn to voice disagreement
Stop thinking about what you think other people will think of you
Learn to be proud of and appreciate yourself for things unrelated to your academics
Try your best at everything
a) Learn to motivate yourself and b) Learn to do things even if you aren't motivated
Take care of your self and your physical health
Honorary mentions:
Always think about the motives behind your goals, push yourself for the right reasons
I'm going to go on to explain the reasoning behind each goal, you can read it if you feel like but this is here just as a reminder for me!
Learning to voice disagreement is the first resolution I thought of for this list. I've always been the kind of person who wants to "keep the peace" and avoid conflict. This ties in a lot with my second resolution as well because often I don't voice disagreement because I don't want people to think of me as a burden. But I learnt last year that there is a time and place to choose your battles and you still have to fight some of them. Rolling over often puts me in an uncomfortable situation where I feel out of control. I have the right to disagree with people's opinions and I have the right to ask for things to be done differently some times. So I'm going to start exercising that right.
There's a reason I wrote "...what you THINK other people think..." It's because I know I am an overthinker and I often twist things in my head because of it. But yeah, I want to stop thinking about what other people might think because I figured (or I think at least) that this is why I'm demotivated. I'm doing things for other people and not for me. So like, stop that LMAO
This resolution is pretty specific but I'm sure people resonate with it. I've, in the recent years, started basing my self worth SOLELY off of my academic performance which, mind you, is only average. I'm sure one can see why this is a horrible cycle to be in. This, AGAIN, ties in with the idea that "if I do well other people will think I'm smart so then I can actually be proud of myself." I want to learn to be proud of myself not by other peoples standards but by my own.
Initially, this resolution was going to be "try your best everyday" but, I know that somedays I just won't be able to, and that's fine!! I do however want to try my best at all my goals. Academic goals, hobby related goals, self growth goals, etc. I want to try my best at each and every endeavor I set out on because, I think at least, that doing your best is an objectively good quality to have. I don't necessarily mean pushing yourself to the full extent every time. As always, there's a balance to be struck!
This one is kinda the overarching goal of this entire post- tackling my demotivation. Part a) doesn't need much explanation I think. Learning to do things even when you're not motivated is actually something I saw in an odd1sout video and it's something that stuck with me. Realistically, you aren't ALWAYS going to be motivated and, in this economy, there's a lot of things you're gonna have to do even if you don't like it. So I think this quality is essential to have actually.
This last one is a pretty common resolution I'd think and I'm about to fall asleep so YEE
Overall, I don't think I'm going to be documenting my progress on these except for maybe and occasional update. This blog is more for me to work on my academics because that's very important to me at the moment (but not TOO important). But we'll see if I change my mind. If you made it this far, I'm honored you care about what I have to say. Bye for now!!
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