#dick is often the kind of friend that his titans friends have been to him - and i find those parallels really moving | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heavenlyhischier · 11 months

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idiots in love - dick grayson

summary: two people who are madly in love with each other but they're both idiots.

word count: 5.8k (lmao sorry)

warnings: lil angsty, cursing, steamy lil makeout sesh, unedited, cursing??

notes: hi hello hi! here is something that has been sitting, more like marinating, in the drafts for a hot minute. btw its not explicitly titans!verse dick, but he's hot so sue me

Saying that befriending Jason Todd changed your life would be a complete understatement. You had gone from being invisible and living under the radar in Gotham to earning an unwanted spotlight from being seen alongside Bruce Wayne’s son nearly every day. To make that matter worse, Jason had once conned you into attending a gala that Bruce was holding because “it is the only way he could manage to survive another one of these things”. That drew a lot of rumors and suspicions from the media in Gotham as they speculated the true nature of your relationship with Jason. That was also the start of a complex and hidden relationship with his older brother.

Dick Grayson remembered the first time that he saw you like it was happening right in front of him all over again. You were standing next to Jason in a floor length black dress that shimmered blue when the light hit it just the right way. You were, albeit unknowingly, wearing his colors next to his brother and it instantly attracted him to you. He could tell you felt out of place by the way your body was turned towards Jason and your eyes kept darting around you. Trying to get you away from Jason was a much harder task than he had anticipated, but what ensued once he had made it all worth it.

Meeting Dick was something Jason had tried to keep you from for as long as he could. He knew that Dick had a less than honorable reputation when it came to women, and you getting tangled in that web was the last thing he wanted for you. Despite his efforts, your attraction to the detective was stronger than he would have guessed and you managed to fall into the hole anyway. Jason, the ever so protective friend he was, tried to keep out of it, but his brother made that increasingly harder the more often you showed up at his apartment defeated and confused.

You had initially tried to keep your relationship with Dick a secret. You really did. But being friends with someone like Jason made that impossible. He was able to find out anything and everything he wanted. When he tried, and miserably failed, to subtly ask you if you were seeing someone he knew, you came clean about everything. You told him about how the night you met Dick, he had taken you back to his apartment and you two talked for hours and hours. Jason had been slightly thrown off that he didn’t try to sleep with you, but you assured him that that didn’t happen until nearly two weeks after you had met.

You also divulged the true nature of your feelings for Dick that night, and Jason had suggested that you tell him or it was going to ultimately cause you pain and heartache. “I tried to bring it up once,” You had said, “But he kind of shut it down pretty quick. Said that we’re just friends who hook up sometimes. He just- he acts like it’s more than that when we’re in bed and it’s so confusing, but I don't want to give it up. If that’s all I can have of him, I’ll deal.”

That was nearly four months ago, and nothing had changed. Dick would call you at random times day or night and you would go running every single time. It was pathetic how desperate you were to have a piece of him, but you were too scared to ask for more. He was too closed off with his feelings to ever let you get even an inkling of how he felt about you outside of physical attraction. Jason had been right about this bringing you nothing but despair. Nonetheless, you stayed at his mercy.

Your body was hot and sticky with sweat as you lay on Dick’s chest, fingers tracing along the scars that littered his skin. You often asked how he managed to obtain so many, but he, much like Jason, said the same thing every time. “Job’s just dangerous”. You’re not quite sure how being a detective and security guard would get one in situations to earn such wounds, though you never pressed too hard. His arm was tight around you, making sure that you stayed tucked into his side as his fingers delicately grazed your waist, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind in their wake. Moments like these you both despised and cherished. They made your heart swell with hope and want, but they also made your stomach turn with uncertainty.

“You going to the gala tomorrow,” Dick’s asked, his grip slightly tightening.

You peered up at him through your eyelashes, “Yeah. Jay always makes me go with him since he ‘can’t handle it alone’. Are you, or do you have to work?”

Dick’s not sure why hearing that you would be attending the event with his brother hit him the way it did. It made his throat close up and his chest burn with jealousy. You had always attended Bruce’s events with Jason, and he knew that. He knows that it was purely platonic, but a part of himself couldn’t help but think there was something else there. He knows his brother is an attractive guy, and God you are the most beautiful woman to walk the earth. It only made sense for you two to be attracted to each other, and that’s what he has been running with.

“Yeah, I’m bringing a girl from work actually,” His voice was flat as he loosened his grip on you so that he was barely touching you now. It was a total lie, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying it.

It was as if Dick punched a hole into your chest and ripped your heart out with his own two hands. Your movements froze as you blinked back the tears that instantly pricked your eyes, not wanting to give away the effect his words had on you. He was always good at reminding you that you were a disposable secret to him, but it hurt all the same every time.

Composing yourself, you flattened your hand on his chest and used it to push yourself up into a sitting position. You avoided looking at Dick as you slipped out of his bed and began putting your clothes back on. He watched you, trying to piece together what was going through your brain. He shamelessly wanted to believe it to be jealousy; that you detested the idea of another woman on Dick’s arm, but he knew better than that. He assumed you were in a hurry to get to Jason’s apartment, which is where he knew you went every time after you left his place. He had followed you one night to make sure you stayed safe, but he wasn’t prepared for his own heart to be put into danger.

That was the night he realized just how deep his feelings for you were, and it scared him to no end. He thought he was doing good at guarding his heart, but then he met you. You had effortlessly and entirely captured him. Dick craved everything about you. He craved your touch. Your smile. Your laughter. You. He would do whatever it took to have a part of you no matter how much it hurt him to know your heart would never belong to him.

“I can’t wait to meet her,” You spoke through the awkward tension in the air, “I should probably go home to sleep before tomorrow. Don’t want to look like a walking zombie, you know.”

Your idiotic attempt at a joke hung in the air as you slipped your socks on, and you mentally slapped yourself for saying that. Wanting to get away from the now uncomfortable situation, you rushed out of his apartment without another word to the man who held your heart in his hands. Typically, you would walk to Jason’s and mope about your unfortunate situation, but you opted to go to your own apartment instead. You made sure to let Jason know of your plans so that he didn’t quite literally break into your house to make sure that you were alive. His “u ok?” text went ignored as you fell into your bed and begged your thoughts to quiet themselves so you could sleep in peace.

You woke the next morning with a new sense of determination, and a little bit of retaliation on your mind. You quickly sent Cass and Steph a text asking them to come do some last minute shopping with you, which they were more than happy to agree to. They both met you outside of your apartment an hour later, questions tumbling out of their mouth as soon as they saw you. You brushed off their interrogations with a laugh and started towards the nicer part of Gotham.

“I thought you already had a dress,” Cass pointed as you walked into one of your favorite dress shops in the fashion district.

“I do, but I always wear some variation of black and blue and I wanted to switch it up,” You shrugged as you filtered through some of the dresses on the rack.

Truthfully, you knew that the colors you always wore matched the colors that Dick wore as well. It was something that he mentioned drove him crazy whenever he managed to pull you away to have his way with you. You started wearing those colors for him specifically, but something inside you switched this morning. Today, you were going to wear something else and prayed to anyone that would listen that it would get underneath his skin. You knew it was childish, but if he was going to bring someone else, you didn’t care.

The two of them shared a knowing look with each other before diving in to help you search. They were aware of your situation with Dick and how you felt about him, but unlike you, they could see the way he felt about you. They knew that if you showed up wearing something other than the colors he wore to protect the city, he was going to be absolutely furious. However, they secretly hoped it got under his skin enough to ignite the fire he needed to tell you how he truly felt.

You had gathered a decent amount of options, so you decided to move over to the dressing room area and try what you had on. You had tried on a variation of styles and colors; none of which you liked. The girls of course gave their honest opinions, and you got rid of the ones they made faces at almost immediately. Your last pick was a long-sleeved red dress with a slit on the right side and a plunged neckline. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you couldn’t help but notice the way the color looked slightly off, but it still made you look damn hot.

You opened the curtain and slowly stepped out, catching the girl's attention. “Now that’s sure going to piss Dick off,” Cass laughed, and you couldn’t help but feel like you were missing something.

“You look absolutely breathtaking, but she’s right. If your goal is to make him mad, that dress will sure make that happen,” Steph agreed as she nudged Cass to calm down, “Is that what you want?”

“Honestly, I don’t really know. At first, yes, but now I just- I’m not sure. I don’t think he’ll even notice,” You sighed, casting your eyes to the ground as you lightly pinched at the satin.

“Oh he’ll notice alright. He might beat the shit out of Jay, too.”

Your eyes darted back towards them, wide and alert. The last thing you wanted to cause any sort of fight between your best friend and man you were in love with. “Why would he do that over a dress,” You rushed out, hands nervously gripping the fabric.

“It’s not the dr- He won’t, hon. It was just a joke,” Cass recovered as she glared at Steph, “I’m sure he won’t do that. You’re just going to look really good and he’ll probably be a little jealous is all.”

You ignored Steph’s quiet snort and went back to change, making the decision to go ahead and get the dress. It was as if it was tailored specifically for your body, and not getting it would almost be criminal. You knew you were going to have to dip into your savings a little to afford the dress, but the way it looked on you was worth it. Once you had changed and went to go pay, but there was a woman standing outside the dressing room with a dress bag.

“We paid for it,” Steph peeked her head around the woman, a smile beaming on her face, “And no you can not pay us back!”

After a failed attempt at trying to get the girls to at least take some of your money, they took you back to the manor to get ready with them. Cassandra called Bruce who had Alfred ready one of the larger rooms for the three of you to get ready in. Steph put on some music as you took turns showering in the biggest shower you had seen in your entire life. You had stayed in there a little longer than you intended, getting lost in your thoughts about Dick Grayson.

You could tell that the girls were itching to ask you about why your sudden change in outfit happened, but were keeping quiet in case it was too sensitive of a topic. It was clear to them that you were trying to get back at Dick, but they couldn’t figure out why. They were both capable of asking the right questions in order to gain the information they wanted; it was a practice they put into use nearly every day. However, they felt guilty using that skill on you.

The closer the time for the event to start came, the harder it became to breathe. Knowing that Dick was bringing someone else made your entire body ache as you wondered why you weren’t good enough. He had told you before that he never liked to bring dates because people would speculate, and he only wanted them to speculate if it were true. Now, he would mingle and flirt all he wanted, but he had never kept it to one person the entire night. This girl had to be someone special if he was okay with rumors flying around.

Nearly an hour later, the sound of someone knocking broke through the intense concentration you had from doing your makeup. Steph, who was already done getting ready, pulled the door open and Jason came barreling in. He was dressed in an all black suit, but the tie he was sporting was the same color as the dress you had bought today. You internally smacked yourself for not remembering that red was Jason’s color, and that’s why the girls said what they did about Dick.

“What do you want,” Steph huffed, quickly closing the door in case anyone passed by.

“I’m bored,” Jason groaned as he fell backwards onto the untouched bed.

“So go bother someone else,” Cass spoke over her shoulder, giving Jason an annoyed glare. If you hadn’t known anny better, you would have thought she was being serious.

“Y/N’s in here and she’s my friend so why don't you go bother someone else. Anyways, we need to be down there in like twenty minutes so you two better hurry.”

“I just need to get my dress on and I’m done,” You called out as you let the setting spray settle on your face.

You heard Steph whisper something to Jason, but you were too far away for it to be understood. You went back into the bathroom where your dress was hanging on the back of the door, leaving their whispers behind. Nerves spread through every inch of your body as you slipped the dress on, the urge to throw up growing with each second. A large part of you wanted to back out and just not go, but you knew that Jason would physically drag you if he had to.

Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you pulled the bathroom door open and walked back out into the room. Initially, Jason cast you a passing glance, but he nearly broke his neck swiveling back to you, sitting up so quickly the momentum almost threw him off the bed. The girls had the biggest smiles on their faces and you couldn’t help but blush at the attention.

“You’re right. He might kill me,” Jason laughed as he stood and strided over to you, “You look beautiful, but if you’re trying to get under Dick’s skin. I think you’re going to accomplish that.”

“Yeah, I didn’t realize we’d be matching. I wanted to make him mad, but I don’t want to make him think this is happening,” You gestured between you and Jason as you grimaced. The thought of ever being involved with Jason like that made you uncomfortable.

“You wish it was, sweetheart,” Jason rolled his eyes, “Why do you wanna make him mad anyways?”

“Uh, he uh- Fuck,” You groaned, throwing your head back in frustration as you let the truth out, “He told me he was bringing someone else and I know it shouldn’t be a big deal but it’s just- you know why it bothers me..”

The girls looked both confused and shocked, but Jason. Jason was absolutely fuming. He already hated the way his brother treated you, but knowing that he would do something that childish made his blood boil. He knew that Dick never brought a woman to any events because he hated the rumors that accompanied that, and if Dick was willing to put up with that just to spite you? That was enough to make him see red.

“Jason,” Steph tried, sensing that he was about to boil over.

You watched as the two girls shared a look with each other as Jason tightly clenched his fists. You felt guilty for making Jason so angry, but you knew it wasn’t you that made him mad. It was his brother and his idiotic behavior, but a part of you wished that you had just kept that to yourself. You knew that he hated the way Dick was treating you and this only added fuel to that already blazing fire.

“I’m fine,” He let out through strangled breaths, “I’m good. Let’s just go downstairs.”

Dick had been downstairs for the last thirty minutes, his heart beating harder and faster the longer he waited for your arrival. Bruce could tell that he wasn’t all the way there, but chose to not ask his son what was on his mind. In fact, he already knew the answer to his own question. Dick paced the floor, eyes glancing to the door every few seconds in case you chose to make your entrance then.

He was nervous to see you after what he had said to you last night. He had no intentions of making that lie a truth, but he still felt the guilt eating away at him ever since you had left. You hadn’t texted him when you got home, and you also hadn’t texted him all day. That was how he knew that he had struck a nerve, but he was still naive as to why. He had convinced himself that there was no way you felt the same way, so why were you suddenly so distant?

You had attempted to soothe Jason’s anger by telling him it wasn’t a big deal and that you didn’t care if Dick brought someone else, but he saw right through your lies. He curtly brushed your comments off as his eyes stayed set on the path in front of him; one thing staying at the forefront of his mind.

Your heart was bound to beat out of your chest the closer you got to the party, you’re sure of that. The combination of having to see Dick and Jason’s anger towards him was not helping ease any of your already bubbling anxiety. You wrung your fingers together as you tried to calm yourself down, but it wasn’t doing much. You wanted nothing more than to turn around and leave and pretend like nothing ever happened.

Steph and Cass kept glancing at you, passing you sympathetic gazes as they walked ahead. They could practically feel the nerves radiating off of you mixed with the pure rage off of Jason. It put them on high alert, and they knew they were going to have to keep a close eye on their brothers in order to maintain some sort of peace. A silent agreement was made to keep the two of them apart until Jason got his emotions in check.

“Jason,” You tried again as you entered the party, hand instinctively gripping Jason’s bicep “Please don’t do anything stupid. It’s fine.”

Several eyes watched as you descended the stairs on Jason’s arm and you knew whispers were being thrown around thanks to the accidental matching outfits. You had, of course, been seen with Jason countless times before, but now the public had all the proof that they needed to confirm the relationship they had created in their heads.

“I never do anything stupid, sweetheart. Everything I do is calculated and on purpose,” He teased, his anger fading for a fleeting moment.

Dick found you as soon as you stepped foot into the room, but he immediately wished that he hadn’t. Your dress was a deep red color that not only matched Jason’s tie, but the helmet that adorned his head as he prowled the streets of Gotham. Dick could feel any hope that he had shatter with each step that you took, and he hated himself for it. It was his own fault.

“Dick,” Bruce’s gruff voice pulled his gaze away from you, “If there’s going to be a problem-”

“There won’t be,” He interrupted before turning on his heels and heading straight for the bar.

Cass made a beeline straight for Dick while Steph stayed relatively close to the two of you. Jason had taken a glass of champagne from the first waitress that passed by, not even letting the poor woman get four steps away before he needed another one. Your hand stayed glued to his bicep as an attempt for comfort while also keeping him near you. Just when you thought you had grown accustomed to the scrutinizing stares of Gotham’s most elite, it was ten times worse now.

“Good evening Mister Todd,” A man you recognized from The Gotham Globe approached, his annoyingly bright smile plastered on, “I see we have made the relationship official?”

“Piss off,” Jason grumbled, dragging you away from the obnoxious reporter.

Stares lingered longer than usual and whispers were present anywhere the two of you went. You tried to tune everything out, but the ache in your heart remained. You had only seen the back of Dick as he spoke with a woman; you assumed she was his date. You barely managed to fight back tears, but the thought of Jason seeing them made it a little easier to control. Despite your current suffering, you didn’t wish him any harm.

Dick didn’t mean to find you every chance that he could. He really didn’t, but it was like his own subconscious was trying to torment him. Forcing him to watch you throw your head back with laughter as you clung to his younger brother. It lit the sort of rage within him that was different from the one he got when he was dealing with the scum of Gotham. This rage was based out of fear. He needed to get out of there, at least for a moment.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom, Jay,” You had leaned up to whisper in his ear, “I might be a while, though. I just need to breathe for a little bit.”

You slipped your arm out of his own before making way towards the stairs. You had spent enough time at these events to know where and how to escape unnoticed. You were essentially being guided by pure muscle memory as you snuck into one of the rooms that was in an area off limits to guests. Your eyes were squeezed shut as you turned and leaned your head against the dark wooden door, letting out a deep sigh.

“Are you okay,” A voice you would recognize anywhere cut through the silence. You let out a startled yelp, opening your eyes to see Dick sitting on his old bed. You had, unintentionally, guided yourself to the one room you were trying to stay away from.

His eyes dragged over your body for the thousandth time tonight, but now he was able to really admire you. You looked breathtaking. Though to him, you always did. To him, you were the most beautiful woman to exist in any world, but he couldn’t help but feel annoyed. He had come here to escape the aching in his chest for a moment, but it seemed the universe wanted him to suffer.

“I’m sorry,” You finally managed to speak, albeit quietly, “I didn’t mean to come in here.”

“It’s fine. I was just leaving,” He avoided eye contact with you as he stood.

“No, don’t,” You rushed out, taking a few steps towards him, “This is your room. I’ll leave.”

The sound of your heels clicking against the hardwood floors made Dick look up and meet your gaze. Dick had spent countless hours observing you and getting to know each and every part of your body that he could tell you were nervous. He could sense the apprehension from the way you struggled to maintain eye contact to the way your fingers pinched at the fabric of your dress. He wanted nothing more than to kiss away any anxiety you had, but he knew he couldn't do that. Not anymore.

Dick’s hair was untamed in a way that looked as if he had been pulling at it, something you knew he does when he’s frustrated. His cheeks were tinged red and eyes slightly bloodshot and tired. Every nerve in your body was screaming at you to reach out to him. To let him know that you were there, but you couldn’t let him back in again. You had endured enough pain from him.

“You look beautiful,” He quietly spoke, gaze unwavering.

Your breath caught in your throat as your eyes darted across the room, “Thank you. It was a last minute change and I accidentally ended up matching with Jason, which is only fueling those stupid rumors. I should have just worn the dress I originally bought, but I-”

“Y/N,” Dick cut off your rambling, knowing you would keep going until you couldn’t breathe, “You mean that you and Jason aren’t…”

Your gaze snapped to his own at the implication, and you could see the desperation and defeat swimming in his eyes. “No, Dick. No,” You squeezed your eyes shut as you shook your head, “Nothing has changed on that front, and it never will. But even if it did, why do you care? You brought a date.”

Your voice was thick with emotion as you mentioned his alleged date, and you couldn’t stop your eyes from brimming with tears. You hated that the simple thought of him with someone else made you break, but there was no stopping that now. He took a few steps towards you and took your face in his hands as you attempted to blink back tears.

“I lied,” He whispered, thumbs wiping away at the tears that managed to break free, “I never had a date. I only said I did because I was hurt and confused. I was hurt because I’ve convinced myself that Jason is the one that you want. That he’s the guy you want to be with; not me. I know that you spend a lot of time with him so I just thought...”

Your breath caught in your throat as his words settled; your skin burning in the places his fingers pressed against. You wanted to cling onto the hope that he meant that the same way that you wanted him to, but you’re scared. You’re scared to let yourself believe the one thing he had convinced you wasn’t true. Your eyes were a tell all for Dick, and he hated the painful look in them now. He could tell you were holding back, and he knew he was the cause of that.

“I don’t want to be with Jason,” You began, voice wavering, “I spend a lot of time with him because he’s my friend and he’s there for me. He listens to me and he comforts me because I’m an idiot in love with someone who doesn’t love me back.”

Every nerve in Dicks body was telling him to let you go. He would never forgive himself if someone were to find out who he was and used you to hurt him. Jason would never forgive him. Bruce taught him that keeping someone you love far away is what will keep them the safest, but what good has that done him? He’s a gloomy man who hides his feelings with a veil of indifference. A veil any person could see through if they looked hard enough.

His silence was unnerving, so you were quick to add, “Dick, it’s okay that you don't feel the same. I’ve known that for a long time.”

“I do,” He hurried as his fingers pressed slightly harder, “I love you, and that scares me in more ways than you could ever know. I thought I knew what it was like to be in love, but then I met you and I realized that nothing has ever compared to the way I feel about you. I look at you and see the rest of my life in front of my eyes. I can’t let that go.”

The tears you were desperately trying to keep at bay flowed down your cheeks as he confessed. You had been waiting to hear him say he loved you for so long that even now, it doesn’t feel real. If it weren’t for the pressure on your cheeks from his fingers, you would have convinced yourself that you were hallucinating. That he wasn’t truly there and the few glasses of champagne you had got to your head.

You lunged forward, quickly capturing his lips with your own. He let out a low groan as he dropped his hands to your waist, pulling you into his grasp. You knotted your fists in his undoubtedly expensive button up as the two of you kissed each other like your lives depend on it. Obviously, you’ve done this particular dance with Dick before, but this was different. This was the kind of kiss that splits the sky in two and opens it up to the heavens.

You can taste the alcohol on his lips as he gently turns and guides you backwards until the backs of your thighs come in contact with the obnoxiously large desk. One of his hands moves to fumble around with the various objects scattered across the desk. His struggles cause you to lightly break away and let out an airy giggle as he works to clear the top.

“I haven’t touched this thing in years I don’t know why there’s so much shit on it,” He mumbled against your lips, “Oh fuck it.”

He shoved everything onto the ground and hoisted you up onto the now empty desk, and you couldn’t help but throw your head back in laughter at how cliché that was. “Calm down, hotshot. You’re going to attract an audience with that noise.”

He gripped your chin, forcing you to meet his dark, lustful gaze, “Let them watch then.”

The pool between your legs grew, aching for any sort of friction to ease the desire that had blossomed inside of you. You were desperate for a release, so you pulled him in by the back of his neck and met his lips in a blinding kiss. Dick gripped the underside of your thigh, pulling you flush against his body. Your fingers pulled and tugged at his hair and suddenly he's kissing you harder with a fervent desire that left you utterly breathless.

“Dick,” You pulled away, “If you don’t stop kissing me like that, you’re going to have to fuck me.”

Dick was slightly stunned at your bluntness, but it just made him even more attracted to you; something he did not think was possible. “Not that I don’t want to, but I don’t want you to think that was all I wanted from you,” He whispered, his eyes dancing all across your face as if he was memorizing every inch of it, “Trust me, I really really want to. I also want to do things right with you and I know I’ve been fucking it up for the last few months.”

“Who knew you were such a softie,” You teased, “But now is not the ti-”

You were cut off by Jason’s voice bouncing off the hallway walls as he called your name. You instantly shoved yourself off of the desk and began to straighten your dress. Dick let you push him away from you, his heart constricting as he let himself go back to what he thought previously. You looked behind you and you could tell that he was upset.

“Hey,” You started, cupping his cheek in your hand, “Don’t do that. It isn’t like that at all, okay? I just know that he is extremely pissed off at you right now and I want to do a little damage control first. I promise you I will come over later and we can do whatever you want.”

“Can you stay with me tonight,” He pleaded, taking your other hand in his own, “Stay with me as my girlfriend.”

He felt cheesy saying that, but he didn’t care. Not when it came to you, and especially not when he got to see the most beautiful smile that came after it. You heard Jason’s footsteps getting closer, so you have Dick one last kiss before quickly leaving his room.

“Y/N,” Jason called out, “Were you in Dick’s room?”

“Can we go talk somewhere? I need to tell you something and I don’t think doing it in public is wise.”

let me know what you guys think! if you want, you can also send in some requests ;)

#dick grayson #dick grayson x reader #nightwing #nightwing x reader #titans!verse dick grayson #dc imagine #dick Grayson imagine #dick Grayson angst #nightwing imagine #nightwing angst

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fantastic-nonsense · 1 month

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Hi! I've never done this before but I'm new to comics (started with WFA and Zatanna and the Ripper) and I've basically got most of my information from posts on tumblr and r/hobbydrama (including yours.) I think I have a general idea of what Jason Todd is like, but I believe a lot of people are unhappy with his new characterisation.

So, if you were the one in charge, how would you write him? Would you write him with a team or as a solo character? Would you have him use the All-Blades or a crowbar or his guns? Would you have him properly rejoin the batfam or not?

Thanks!

Hi! Welcome to the fandom! I hope you're enjoying your time here.

In general, I think DC (and the fandom) has spent too much time milking Jason's death for trauma porn. They have refused to allow him to find closure, move past that, and exist beyond his daddy issues drama with Bruce. When DC has allowed him to have stories outside of that, they were often written with little consideration for what should be done with Jason beyond making him "badass."

None of this has been conducive to creating any kind of satisfying and coherent narrative or character arc for Jason, especially when both writers and editorial seem more obsessed with stealing traits, relationships, and stories from other people to give to him (most prominently Dick, Selina, and Helena). My hottake is that DC should move beyond "Red Hood" as an identity for Jason entirely, because it drags his character down and keeps him inherently tied to the same problems that have kept his character stagnant for years.

However! I don't think he's unsalvagable. I simply think DC needs to put a decent writer on him and commit to a character direction for more than 2 years at a time. I'm unsure of what Shawn Martinbrough is currently doing with Jason in his The Hill arc, as I'm not reading it, but I've heard that there might be some forward momentum finally happening there?

Anyway, my personal conception of Jason's future (as lovingly brainstormed by me and my friends in our comics discord server) is effectively this: he becomes a street-level paranormal detective who solves cold murder cases by talking with the victims' ghosts and providing closure to restless spirits. Think Lockwood and Co. meets Pushing Daisies with a superhero twist; basically, a supernatural detective noir book.

There's a lot of concepts and lore drops tied into this idea, but basically it was born out of a discussion where I was talking about Jason's many connections with the supernatural and occult across all continuities and how it's kind of a mystery why DC hasn't just formally connected him to the mystical side of the DCU. So I was like "they should just reveal that Superboy-Prime’s reality punch resurrection left him LITERALLY undead, make the event where he finds this out also spark his ability to see and communicate with ghosts, and make him an occult detective. Let him close cold case murder files and put those spectres to rest."

Which is also a great premise for a Bat book and a great unfilled niche for a Batfamily member. Kate's supernatural stories are much more high concept and connected to her family drama. Damian's supernatural/occult connections are traditionally very heavily tied to his family history and the Lazarus Pits. Dick's semi-regular magic encounters are usually stuff he deals with alongside his teammates in the course of working with the Titans. None of the other Bats have enough regular encounters with the supernatural and magic side of the DCU for it to encroach on their shtick, and a Gotham-based supernatural book is well within DC's ability to publish and market given books like Gotham by Midnight.

In terms of how that direction affects all the other questions you asked...I think Jason's relationship with the rest of the Batfam should be complicated. I personally don't think "good/bad relationship with the Batfam" is a particularly useful way to look at it because I think there are people he should never see eye to eye with, people he realistically shouldn't and doesn't have a problem with, and people he should get along with just fine. I don't think everyone needs to or should be friends or enemies with him, but his morals and past actions will (and should!) complicate those relationships in interesting ways.

And re: what weapons I'd like to see him use...using the All-Blades would certainly factor into my proposed narrative direction, as that would lean into the supernatural connections, but I generally prefer the concept of Jason using knives as his preferred weapon over guns/a crowbar/etc. That way he can still be a marksman without using guns, and I think that fits more with his character trajectory as someone attempting to be less lethal but also has no problem roughing people up when he thinks they need to be.

#jason todd #jason todd meta #thank you!#also I'm so sorry for the delayed response. my mental capacity to respond to people has been pretty low recently 😭#long post #ask #dc comics #batman #batfam

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northoftheroad · 1 year

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Ten-ish panels to sum up Dick Grayson

@roma107 challenged me some time back: “10 Nightwing Panels That Perfectly Sum Up His Character. Your turn. Go.” It’s been hard to even get close, and in the end I couldn't quite keep it to ten panels... But, enjoy disagreeing with me all the same. 😉

1. Robin vol 2 # 13 (1995)

Dick has issues with Bruce – they have had occasional problems with communication since the early 1940s – but he is loyal to a fault.

2. Teen Titans vol 3 # 6 (2004)

Just about every one of DC’s heroes respects, trusts and is prepared to listen to Dick. Obviously, that's not because he's a nice guy – which he is, don't get me wrong – or because he puts in the work with relationships – which he does. That may make people like you, but it's not enough to get them to follow you into battle...

No, that's because he's smart, professional and competent. As you see here, he can also be intense and knows how to make a dramatic entrance...

3. World's Finest Comics vol 1 # 200 (1971)

Dick is (often, but not always) ready with a smile and a joke. He loved being Robin as a kid, he wanted to do it forever (see, for instance, Nightwing vol 2 # 75). As Batman after Final Crisis, he smiled enough to convince Two-Face it wasn't the old Batman.

To what extent Dick jokes because he's in a good mood, he’s trying to keep his spirits up or he wants to annoy criminals enough to gaude them into sloppy mistakes – it varies between creators and Dick’s mood at the time😉

However, there have certainly been periods when Dick has not put on his best behaviour. He snaps at Alfred, he's unpleasant to close friends in the Titans, etc. I'd argue this is a sign he's not in a good place, mentally. Most of the panels of short fuse/asshole Dick Grayson you will find floating around are either from when he was leading The Outsiders (vol 3), and was struggling after the death of Donna Troy. Or from the almost five years' worth of New Teen Titans comics where his behaviour is influenced by being tortured and brainwashed by Brother Blood (New Teen Titans vol 1 # 22, August 1982, to New Teen Titans # 31, May 1987).

Alternate panel: Teen Titans vol 2 # 12 (1997)

4. Battle for the Cowl # 3 (2009)

Dick is prepared to change. Whether it's about a new mantle, getting a new job to pay the bills, or moving to a new city.

5. The New Teen Titans vol 2 # 6 (1985)

Dick might drop everything when somebody asks for help, and he is open to asking for help and working with teams better than Batman. But he does have his own set of control issues. He wants to have a job instead of living on Bruce’s money; he wants to know how to cook etc so he can take care of himself. You could argue it's a response to being orphaned and losing his home at a young age, and then having several episodes when he doesn't feel secure about his place with Bruce Wayne (see, for instance Robin Year One, Batman plays a lone hand in Batman vol 1 # 13, Partner to Batman in Batman vol 1 # 65)

6. Action comics weekly # 613 (1988)

Dick is uncomfortable with casual relationships/sex. When he had a fling with Huntress (Nightwing/Huntress, 1988–1989), he tried to start a relationship. It took him a long time to accept that he could live with Kory after she had gone through with a marriage of state on her home planet, and he felt strange living with her because they weren't married (see NTT vol 2 #48).

7. Detective Comics vol 1 # 881 (2011)

Dick is a nice guy who chooses to be kind, optimistic and to give people the benefit of a doubt – but he's still sneaky and definitely not stupid.

8. Titans vol 1 # 3 (1999)

Yes, Dick jokes a lot, and he enjoys hanging out with his friends. But he's also a workaholic and holds himself to a very high standard.

Alternate panel: New Teen Titans vol 1 # 29 (1983)

9. Nightwing vol 4 # 41 (2018)

He has a tendency to self-blame - and he is also very stubborn! Presumably, the tendency to feel guilty over things outside his control is partly survivor's guilt, but also related to the very high standards he holds himself to, and the very high expectations others have on him. And, I would argue, this tendency is a reason he sometimes lets friends an family punish him without fighting back.

Bonus panel: sometimes, he can admit he has a problem with self-blame. The New Titans vol 1 # 57 (1989)

10. Nightwing vol 3 # 29 (2014)

He wants to be a safety net for everyone. That's a good summary of Nightwing as a character, in my opinion.

And... Nightwing vol 4 # 43 (2018)

Bonus. This one-shot is a good Nightwing story, but very unfair on Roy Harper/Arsenal. It touches on several things – how Dick is always ready to help, that he does not want to be like Batman, his tendency to blame himself...

#dick grayson #nightwing #robin #batman #batman and robin

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gretahayes · 10 months

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"I think," Tim says, "that this is wholly unnecessary."

"Tough," Dick says flatly. "You came here, you know that?" Tim pushes his plate of eggs and toast away subtly and Dick unsubtly pushes it back at him. "Least I can do is feed you." If this can even count as feeding the kid. In Dick’s defense, the kid showed up at seven in the morning on an empty stomach, and Dick wasn’t going to leave him hungry.

"I'm just saying, I would’ve been fine with like, yogurt or some fruit," Tim says, but takes the hint and eats a bite of toast. He pauses, as if realizing, wait, he is hungry after all, and shovels egg into his mouth. He chews and swallows. "Woah," he says. "This is good."

"It's eggs and toast," Dick says. He didn't have any of the sugary stuff kids like, because he didn't shop with Tim in mind but maybe he should start doing so, if the kid’s going to keep showing up. And it's probably better than whatever he’s been making for himself in that house of his, because if the kid could cook semi-decent, he wouldn't be showing up hungry so often.

"Still good," Tim says stubbornly. He gulps down his orange juice and reaches for Dick’s pantry, digging out some bagels. Growing boys and their hunger. He tears off a bite of one with his teeth, just like that, "Batman's been doing better lately."

It’s always about Batman with this kid. Batman or Robin or both, and sometimes Nightwing or the Titans, if he's feeling generous. Dick, for once, would like to talk about something else. Like Tim’s school, the friends he doubtlessly has. Tim’s parents. Tim’s hobbies that don’t include interfering and stalking. "That’s good," Dick says.

"Mhm," Tim says. "Says he'll start training me soon too." He swallows a bagel—did he even chew?—and starts on another one. Maybe the kid shows up hungry because he’s expecting to be fed, and Dick never fails to do so.

That’s what he's getting at. Like Dick said—always about Batman and Robin with this kid. Dick makes a non-committal noise and drops Tim’s plate into the sink. "Good for you."

"So I was thinking," Tim hedges. Dick swipes the bagel he's eating, splits it, spreads some cream cheese on one side, and tosses it back at him. Tim fumbles, almost drops the bag and bagel, but catches it and takes a bite. Reflexes could definitely use some work. Not that Dick’s volunteering, just noting. "Oh, this is better."

"Have you been eating bagels plain your whole life?" Dick does the same on the other bagel half and tosses it to him—he catches it this time—and slides over the cream cheese and knife.

Tim says, mouth full, "thought it was something only old people could enjoy, like my dad."

Speaking of Tim’s parents, "your vacation week got extended, right?"

"Yeah," Tim says, swallowing. "It’s two now. They don’t know cause the school's bad at sending emails about that kind of stuff, and usually I'd mention it to them, but it's more convenient this way, isn't it?"

Little sneak. He'll make a good Robin once he gets out there, finally. Eventually. "Definitely."

#my rambles #tim drake #dick grayson #dick & tim #my writing #fic snippets #LPoD au #<- i promised and i will deliver <3 #havin so much fun with this. dick and his freak almost but not brother who won't leave him alone #playing with lpod like its a toy

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tenpintsofsundrop · 9 months

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Missing You

Gar Logan x Fem!Reader x Jason Todd Smut Blurb

Concept: Gar misses his two best friends. When he calls the two of you, he certainly doesn't expect to find you in such a... compromising situation.

Word Count: 2,800

Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link

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Full list of warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: there is a lot of Gar/Jason (emotionally and sexually), dubious consent - Gar listens to the reader and Jason having sex without their consent (but they don’t mind when they do find out), invasion of privacy (but again, they don’t mind it), would this be considered eavesdropping?, accidental voyeurism (and then on purpose voyeurism), Gar masturbates while listening to Jason and the reader have sex over a FaceTime call but Jason and the reader don’t know Gar is listening, Gar feels slightly guilty about being horny in this situation, lots of dirty talk, Jason is more dominant, reader is definitely submissive, Gar is (slightly?) submissive (though he is not ‘involved’ for most of the sex act), the reader uses she/her pronouns and has a vagina (though she is not really the ‘center’ of this fic), Jason has a filthy mouth, p in v sex (between Jason and reader) - actually protected sex this time (which is a surprise for my fics) (it’s my headcanon that Jason is a big proponent for condoms/safe sex), degradation kink (towards the reader), terms used to describe the reader: slutty/slut, cocksleeve, hole, fucktoy/toy, cumdump, good girl; slightly possessive Jason (but it’s clear that he doesn’t mind sharing with Gar), spanking (very light, no severe pain kink) - mention of clit spanking, mention of orgasm restriction, mentions of sexting/sending nudes. I believe that’s everything.

A/N: This is a repost. I did some tweaking to it, but it is still mostly the same. So if you have read it before, I hope you enjoy it. And if it's your first time reading it, I hope you like it again. I have a half-finished sequel to this in my drafts, so if you wanna see it, definitely leave a comment or an anon telling me you wanna see it.

...

The concept of butt-dailing was something that still mystified Gar.

He understood why it was a thing in the 2000s, sure. A time when people’s phones still had tactile buttons on them, when you could sit on your phone in your back pocket and start pressing things by accident. But these days? Why was the term even still used?

How can you call someone by accident? How can you have an entire phone conversation with someone by mistake?

On that day, it hadn’t been Jason that called him - no, Gar was the one calling Jason.

Gar hated to admit it, but he was fucking lonely. He had a soft heart and if he went too long without talking to his friends, without hearing their laughter, then he wilted like an unwatered plant. It wasn’t something that he ever said aloud, but it was something that was very easy to tell for the people who were closest to him.

So Jason had taken to calling him on a regular basis. And ironically, because of it, the two had actually grown a lot closer in the Robin’s absence.

Their friendship bloomed because of the long, late-night phone calls where Jason’s tired voice mumbled things to Gar as he fell asleep, admitting things about his past and the pain he sometimes felt that he never would have told anyone else. And they often spent hours on Discord calls as they kicked ass together playing COD or some other stupid game like Mount Your Friends. Even though on that day the Tower was practically empty, Gar found himself missing Jason the most.

Ever since you had gone to Gotham to visit Jason, Gar’s other closest friend abandoning him, Gar had practically gone mad with loneliness. Rachel was off on a ‘girls trip’ with Donna, Dawn, and Kory, and Dick was attending some kind of ‘League’ business. Hank was leading a ‘be a better you’ sobriety seminar in another city, and Gar still found himself feeling like an outsider when hanging out with Rose and Jericho.

So where did that leave him?

Alone in his room, sprawled out on his bed.

He had thumbed over Jason’s contact in his phone several times before he actually decided to put in his earbuds and give the guy a call. Surely his best friend wouldn’t consider him needy after the three hour long timestamps on their other calls. If Jason was busy, Gar could simply find something else to entertain himself. He could probably best his Resident Evil speedruns. Again.

But selfishly, he was hoping Jason would pick up and talk to him for a while. Maybe you would be lounging around with Jason and he would get to talk to the both of you. That would be really nice.

When the FaceTime call was answered on the other end, the screen was dark. Gar thought for a moment that Jason was just busy - that he was pressing his phone to his chest until he could get into another room to take the call. But for a few moments, all he heard was deep breathing, some grunting. The sound of Jason training?

He was definitely inside Jason’s pocket.

See, Jason hadn’t even noticed the incoming call. He had his phone on silent, and he had answered it completely by mistake. Turns out, the rapid, rhythmic thrusting of his hips had somehow successfully pressed the ‘answer’ button, even with the phone shoved deep in his back pocket.

And Jason wasn’t really in a position to have a friendly, ‘let’s chat about COD’ video chat with his best friend.

He was balls-deep inside of you. With his thick, hard cock out through the zipper of his pants with his phone still inside of his back pocket. He was thrusting into you where you were face down on his bed, on your knees exactly how he wanted you.

It was a huge part of the reason you had come to visit him. The two of you had been fooling around for as long as you had known each other, and you couldn’t seem to go for very long without fucking the other person. It brought you both relief from your stressful vigilante lifestyle, and it was the best sex either of you ever had. Not that any of your friends knew that you had a ‘thing’ going on, of course.

Gar was about to hang up the call, believing that he had caught Jason at a bad time and realizing that the guy didn’t even know his phone was on. But he froze completely still when he heard it.

“Fuck, babe, take my cock.” Jason groaned, his voice absolutely thick with sex. “Fucking take it.”

It was something that instantly made Gar tremble, made blood rush to his cock as he heard his friend’s voice in a way that he never had before. The sound was rough in his headphones, distant and not nearly as pure as it would have been in person. But it made Gar’s blood run hot in seconds, made him so turned on so quickly that he became dizzy.

Gar’s hand itched to reach down and grip his cock through his pants, but he knew that he shouldn’t. He knew it was wrong. He should just hang up the call and hope that Jason never saw it in his call history. The longer he stayed there and listened, the more suspicious the timestamp would look in the call history if Jason ever saw it.

But Gar was frozen in his tracks when he heard something that absolutely made his head spin.

“Yes!” It was your voice. “Fuck, I fucking love your cock. I’m just a slutty little cocksleeve for you, Jay!”

High pitched and needy, moaning out - it was you. You, screaming those entirely pornographic words, followed by a deep grunt from Jason.

Gar let out a sharp breath. It hadn’t occurred to him who Jason might be fucking. Or that he was fucking someone at all, and that he wasn’t just alone, fucking his own hand.

Gar almost couldn’t believe that this was happening. The two people that he had been attracted to for so long now, playing out an epic sex fantasy for his own ears. He knew that it was so horribly wrong, but he probably wouldn’t have hung up the call if someone had pointed a gun to his head.

“Yeah, you are.” Jason replied, his voice slightly obscured from the phone being in his pocket. “You’re my perfect slut. Such a good fucktoy, aren’t you, Y/N?”

Jason saying your name with such a deep, possessive need, paired with the way he spoke so confidentially - it forced Gar to imagine how long the two of you had been in a relationship like this. How long the two of you had been playing around behind everyone’s backs to know each other’s kinks so well without crossing any boundaries. Even with his brain so lust-clouded, his thoughts flashed through all of the times you and Jason had snuck off together, or made lame excuses to go to bed early when Jason had still been living at the Tower.

Gar was upset that he hadn’t found out about this sooner. His brain conjured up a fantasy of him sneaking into Jason’s room late at night, and seeing you on your knees for his best friend. He easily imagined Jason inviting him to stay, telling Gar what a slut you were, how much you would love to have two guys at once. Him and Jason passing you around, your wetness making both of their cocks shine. If you were the ‘fucktoy’ that he claimed you to be, it probably wouldn’t be that far from reality.

There was a wet, slapping sound - Jason fucking into you harder as you moaned and struggled for breath.

Gar’s cock pulsed with need.

Something in the back of his brain screamed that it was wrong and that he needed to hang up, but his cock screamed louder. So he untied the string of his pants with haste and racked them down over his aching balls. Just to be safe, he muted his end of the call so that Jason wouldn’t hear any noises he made.

(If he had been thinking a bit clearer, he would have realized that any noise he made, especially echoing into Jason’s back pocket, would have simply gotten lost in the haze of sweat and sex that the two of you were making in Jason’s bedroom. But - better safe than sorry, right?)

In his mind, muting the call seemed even more reasonable when he let out a deep moan the second he took his hard dick into his hand. More beautiful sounds from you and Jason came in through his headphones as he began to jerk himself off.

“Fucking love how you take my cock, fucking love how this slutty pussy gets so wet for me.”

Jason’s dirty mouth continued as Gar’s hand started a steady rhythm. Gar was already leaking precum that easily slicked him up - he was absolutely dizzy at the sound of Jason’s sex-graveled voice.

“Just a fucking hole for me to cum in.” Jason growled. “You love it, don’t you? You love being my fucking toy. My fucking cumdump.”

The pure filth coming out of Jason’s mouth surprised Gar, just as much as his own reaction did. The way his dick jumped in his hand and his lungs released a moan, his tip leaking even more precum at the words. He had no fucking idea that you and Jason were so dirty, that you liked being… degraded so much. Because clearly you loved it, with the wailing moan that you echoed back in response.

“I love it!” You told Jason, your tone desperate and breathy, worn with sex. “I love being your cumdump. I’m just a hole for you to use!”

Gar tried to imagine what the two of you might look like in that moment. Were you on your back, your legs spread wide for Jason? Were you completely naked with your tits swaying with his every thrust? Were you on your hands and knees, ass out like a bitch in heat for Jason?

Gar pumped his cock faster at the thought, his precum making it sound absolutely slick, unrestrained grunts coming from his parted lips as he continued to listen you and Jason fuck. He would feel guilty for this later, but right now, he was absolutely dizzy with lust and needed to hear more.

“You gonna cum on my cock, slut?” Jason’s voice was sharp, demanding.

It sounded like Jason was holding back the urge to cum himself and he needed you to get there first. There was a sharp sound - skin hitting skin, higher in pitch and less muffled than the constant pounding of Jason into your cunt. Jason had spanked you. Gar’s orgasm swelled in his belly as he imagined Jason’s hand coming down against your skin, making the fat of your ass bounce or - fuck, Jason’s hand blooming against your wet clit. (Gar hated that he would never know which it actually was.)

“Be a good girl. Cum for me.” Jason demanded, throat strangling his voice as he drowned in his own arousal.

And just like that, you dissolved into a fury of sounds. Gar caught you chanting ‘I’m a hole! I’m a hole! I’m a hole!’ as though it was the only thing on your mind, increasing in volume as your orgasm overtook you, but it was muffled after a moment and Gar heard Jason grunt the words ‘shut up’ in the most sharp, dangerous voice he had ever heard from his best friend.

Gar’s mind was immediately struck with the picture of Jason’s hand on the back of your head, shoving you into the bed to quiet your whorish moaning, and this was what sent him over the edge. His stomach curled so hard that it practically made him nauseous, his body drawing up off the bed as he pumped his cock hard and fast. He pumped himself dry as cum splashed up over his (thankfully) naked stomach and dirtied him in hot, white waves.

Gar’s body was still trembling when he heard Jason rattle out a shuddering moan, a sure sign that he was cumming too.

Gar should have rushed to end the call.

But it seemed impossible to move at this point - his bones were practically made out of jelly from the intensity of his orgasm. The hand holding the phone had dropped it against his chest, the sound still coming in clear from his earbuds. He was desperate to catch his breath, and his cum still warm against his stomach when he heard it.

There was a shifting, a rustling sound - fuck, Jason was taking his phone out of his pocket.

Gar panicked.

But his orgasm had been so spectacular that it had knocked all the sense out of him, including his usually good reflexes, so he was slow to pick his phone back up. When he did, his heart jumped in his chest when he found Jason staring at him, wearing a wide smirk.

In the time it had taken Gar to recover, Jason had taken his phone out - with the original purpose to check the time. Alfred always had a very specific time for dinner, and always became cranky if anyone was late. Jason certainly didn’t need anyone to come looking for you and him, seeing the compromising position that you found yourselves in.

Jason was surprised when he found the call with Gar going. And once he had checked the timestamp on the still ongoing call, he immediately knew what had happened.

“Did you enjoy the show?” Jason said, his voice slightly rough from the sex, but entirely confident, unshaken.

“Uh - I - I -” Gar stuttered.

When Jason saw his lips moving and didn’t hear any sound, he quickly spoke up.

“Unmute the call, dickhead.” Jason told him, giving a small chuckle with the offensive, affectionate nickname.

Right. Gar had muted it to participate in his perverted voyeurism.

As Gar reached up to find the button, he realized his hand was still covered in cum.

Jason licked his lips as he saw substance smeared all over Gar’s palm and saw his friend reaching for tissues off to the side. As Gar raced to clean off his hand, you appeared behind Jason’s shoulder in the frame of the call. You were wearing a bra, your skin slightly slicked with sweat and tear tracks coming off the side of your eyes - clearly from pleasure and not from pain.

“You had Gar on a FaceTime call?” Your tone was a breathy giggle, clearly not at all upset at the idea that your friend had been listening in on you being fucked and called degrading names. “Kinky. Did you call him while you were putting the condom on?”

Gar unmuted the call with his now clean(er) hand, but waited in silence for you and Jason to finish your conversation. He was surprised that you didn’t seem to care; that you seemed to think it was some kind of pre-planned kink that Jason had executed. Gar’s stomach twisted at the thought of it, that you and Jason had discussed inviting another person into your sex life and you were more than okay with it being Gar.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” Jason told you. “Go get cleaned up for dinner.”

You simply nodded, and leaned in to give Jason a kiss - a soft, gentle sight that was entirely arousing in contrast to the rough, filthy sex that Gar knew the two of you just had. It was even more arousing when you walked out of frame and Gar heard another spank to your bare skin (clearly you weren’t wearing bottoms) - and heard you let out a delighted squeak in response.

“Look, I can explain-” Gar began his groveling, but Jason quickly cut him off.

“Quiet.” Jason said, his tone taking on a kind of authority that made Gar’s stomach jump. “Next time this happens, we get to watch you cum, or you don’t get to cum at all. Got it?”

Gar’s cock was quickly filling with blood again at Jason speaking to him this way, so boldly, making sexual demands over his body. His mouth was dry and lost for words so he simply nodded in response. He opened his mouth to attempt to speak - to apologize, to ask for clarity, to ask Jason when ‘the next time’ would be.

But now that Jason had Gar’s simple affirmation, he hung up the call.

Gar - unable to help himself - stretched an arm out and took a picture of his half hard cock and his shirtless body, still covered in his cum. He hesitated to send it, though. After a long mental debate in the shower, it came back to his phone sitting on his nightstand, and sent it to Jason with a caption that read ‘I really did enjoy the show’.

It pinged Jason’s phone when he was sitting at the dinner table with you and Bruce. And as he looked at it under the table, he choked on his peas.

#sundrop writes #gar logan x reader #gar logan #garfield logan x reader #garfield logan #gar logan x reader x jason todd #jason todd x reader #dc titans x you #dc titans fanfiction #dc titans x reader #titans fanfiction

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jasntodds · 1 year

Text

Caving In [3]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 7,023

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, hurt/comfort, a nightmare, flirting, fluff, jason and reader trauma-bonding, talks of abuse (it’s not super detailed), mentions of food being withheld, gar feels like his trauma isn’t “enough” (unrelated to the trauma-bonding), mentions of death, mentions of drug addiction, mentions of bruises

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: So, this is the chapter where I decided to change who the fic was about because I mean hi lol so this chapter is Jason heavy 😂 I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 The first few chapters take place between season 2 episode 1 and season 2 episode 2. You can add yourself the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

The movie came to a close twenty minutes ago, Rachel already off to her room to get some sleep but Gar and Jason are still in the living room with you asleep. Gar doesn’t want to move you, he’s never been a big fan of waking people up when they’re asleep, especially when it’s obvious they haven’t slept very much. On top of that though, he’s not sure if waking you up would scare you and then you’d burn him or something. So, he figures it might be best to just let you sleep. Jason volunteered to hang out with him for a little bit anyway.

Jason looks over and his eyes just land on you. You look peaceful and kind of nice when you’re not being a snarky bitch to him. Though, he does kind of give as good as he gets not that he’d ever admit that of course. And maybe he likes that you actually have a bit of fire in your words when you talk to him. Gar and Rachel normally brush off his mean and sarcastic comments and Dick can never be bothered. You though, you play along and maybe he thinks it’s a little fun.

“Why are you staring at her, dude? It’s weird.” Gar looks away from his phone to look at Jason.

Jason shakes his head, grabbing his own phone to scroll through Twitter. “I wasn’t staring.” He mutters, his cheeks turning a bright red.

“Yeah, you were.” Gar insists. “Don’t make it weird, she’s nice and it’s cool to have someone new around.”

“I’m not making it fucking weird, man.” Jason sighs before he looks back over, glancing between Gar and you. “You gonna go for it though?” Jason raises his brows with the question, choosing to deflect.

Gar’s eyes narrow in disbelief. “I just said don’t make it weird.” Gar’s voice goes up an octave with his words. “She’s been here a day.”

Jason chuckles more to himself than at Gar. “I’m just trying to figure out the rules. You’re my friend and I don’t wanna overstep, man.” He has this grin that absolutely says he will overstep if not told otherwise.

Gar’s forehead wrinkles with Jason’s words and if it were anyone else, maybe he’d be surprised by how fast he wants this move but it’s Jason. The same guy who uses 420 and 69 (or both together) as passcodes so Gar can’t actually be too surprised. And Gar also knows that if he doesn’t answer Jason, Jason is going to do what he wants. He’s an asshole, sure, but he’s not a half-bad friend, actually.

“I don’t know.” Gar shakes his head, almost rolling his eyes. “I haven’t thought about it.”

Jason hums. “So, I can go for it then? If I want?” Jason asks and then quickly follows up with more. “Not that I do, I’m just asking.”

“Right.” Gar deadpans and you aren’t an article of clothing they’re swapping because it’s nice or something.

You’re a living breathing human being who has the right to make your own decisions. Of course, Gar knows that’s not what Jason is getting at during this or anything. He’s asking if he can flirt or try to actually get with you if you’re interested but it doesn’t make Gar feel any better. You’ve been here a day and maybe Gar just wants you to settle in before Jason jumps down your throat about it. And, to be completely fair, Gar does think you’re very pretty but he actually wants to take the time to get know you before he decides if he’d even be interested. He’s just here having fun learning to be a Titan.

“Maybe we just let her come to us if she’s interested.” Gar proposes, a partial way to get Jason to drop it. “After, she actually gets settled.”

“Hey,” Jason defends himself, but his voice is still quieter than it normally is. “It’s just a question, she seemed to be comfortable around you is all.” Jason glances to you once more before going back to his phone. “Obviously.”

“Can we drop this? She is right here.” Gar slightly shifts in his seat, not enough to wake up you.

“She’s asleep.” Jason scoffs before looking back at Gar who just looks annoyed. “Alright, damn chill out. I’ll leave her alone for a while.”

Gar nods, not having anything else to add on the topic and Jason drops it. The boys go back to their phones and have some conversation here and there about Twitter threads and TikToks they find. Nothing substantial really comes from any of it but both of them enjoy the time. Gar actually likes hanging out with Jason like this, he hasn’t had a best friend in a long time and this feels normal to him. Turning into a tiger usually makes him feel a little freakish, especially after spending so much time at Doom Manor where they were pretty much described as freaks. It was hurtful, he just wants to be normal and having movie nights with Jason and Rachel feels normal.

It doesn’t matter how much trauma any of them have when there’s a movie on and they’re just hanging out. It’s just them and when it’s him and Jason, that’s all there is. Normalcy. Even with you, a new girl, sleeping on him. In a way, it even feels a little comforting with you laying your head on him because he’s not a scary tiger. He’s just a boy.

After another half hour, Jason leaves Gar to head to the training room. Gar tried to convince him to go to bed but Jason doesn’t listen to anyone so now it’s just Gar and you. He’s getting tired himself and he’s heavily debating on waking you up so he can go in his own bed. But, the debate doesn’t last long because suddenly, you shoot off of his shoulder, heaving for air. You sit forward, eyes wide as Gar slightly jerks away from you as a reflex.

“Are…are you okay?” He asks, leaning back over and forward to get a look at your face.

You suck in a breath, your chest heaving with every breath and your heart pounding. You barely even comprehend you’re still in the living room when Gar asks you the question. All you can do is nod and try to breathe. This is really going to be your life now? Tortured in reality by a psychopath and now tortured in a dream state by the same fucking psychopath? How the fuck is that fair? You finally escaped only to be haunted by your dreams in a place you actually kind of, sort of, feel safe in.

“Nightmare?” Gar asks, not moving from his position.

You turn your head to the right to look over your shoulder back at Gar. “Y-yeah.” You nod softly before looking forward, shaking your head. “Sorry.”

Gar’s brows furrow. “For what?”

“Uh…” No one’s asked you what you’re sorry for before. You’re always supposed to be sorry for either getting angry or upset or having a smart-ass comment. There’s always something you’re supposed to apologize for. “Falling asleep, falling asleep on you….” You pause. “Nightmare.”

“You,” Gar leans forward some more, a little closer to you to try and offer you comfort in the only way he knows how. “You don’t have to be sorry for any of that. It’s okay.”

You glance over at him and the way he looks at you make you feel like porcelain. Fragile and weak. It’s not a feeling you like very much. But his eyes are warm and kind, so kind that they make you want to tell him your whole life story without ever coming up for a breath of fresh air. And it makes you feel warm.

“Do you wanna talk about it? Sometimes it helps.” Gar offers with a welcoming but small smile.

You look over to him again, your eyes dodging his this time. You can feel the flame in your belly flickering, it wants to go out so bad. It’s been wanting to go out the last few months, the last few months you were held. At the beginning, it was bonfire in your stomach. The second even a drop of gasoline were to land, it would all blow. But the gasoline never dripped or spilled. It sat in the corner and taunted you and the flame died down. And you’re so tired of it.

You want the fight back and maybe talking about it would help you feel better but you don’t want to feel better. You want to be pissed and angry and furious and you want the fucking fire back so you can hunt the bastard down yourself. But then you look at Gar again and he’s soft. It’s like you’re this tea light and he’s a glass lamp over you. Not burning out the flame but keeping it going just enough to function.

“Um…” You pause, leaning back against the couch. “It’s just….uh…i-it’s like I’m back there again.” You admit. “A-and he-he’s right there.” You stutter while Gar watches. “J-just f-fucking taunting me, k-knowing I-I can’t do anything. Fuck.” You swallow hard, not even realizing you were practically holding your breath.

Gar turns in his spot so he can better face you, never moving away from you. “What happened?” Gar asks calmly. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Gar adds on, never wanting you to feel pressured about it.

You hang your head, then shake it. He’s going to give you the look. The pitiful look you got when your mom died. It’s the same look everyone always gives, you’re guilty of giving the look, too but it makes you shift and it make you feel uneasy. You get it, feeling bad for people who experience trauma. It’s natural but you don’t find it comforting and maybe you would find it easier if he had something snarky to say. Make it easier with humor, it’s what you do anyway.

“W-what’s the worst thing you’ve heard someone go through?” You ask, pulling the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands.

Gar sighs, thinking about it but he didn’t think very long before he starts talking, thinking maybe if you know what he’s seen and heard, it’ll make you trust him enough to talk to him. “Rachel, probably.” He answers honestly. “Her mom, who wasn’t her real mom, was shot in front of her. Then, she was locked away,” Gar says. “Only for a few hours but locked away for her powers.” He adds in. “Then,” He pauses and your brows go up in surprise. “We found her real mom who convinced her to bring in her demon dad to save my life. He possessed all of our friends and then got them to almost beat me to death in front of her.” Gar lists, reliving all of it in quick images. “Trigon,” You look at him quizzically. “Demon dad.” Gar clarifies. “Killed her real mom and then Rachel killed him.”

You sit there for a second and you really thought you had it bad. Of course, what you went through was still terrible but you do not want to play trauma Olympics with Rachel that’s for damn sure. But, Rachel seems okay, weirdly enough. You aren’t sure how long ago all of that was but Rachel does seem okay and even happy which gives you the one thing you haven’t had in months. Hope.

“Well…okay.” You nod slowly, taking in the information.

“Oh!” Gar says, remembering to add more. “We were also being chased by people who were trying to kill her because of her powers.” Gar lets out a breath, his nonchalant add-in almost makes you laugh. What the fuck?

You blink a few times. “I….I don’t even know what to say to all of that.”

“Yeah,” Gar chuckles softly. “It was pretty crazy.”

“No fucking shit.” You laugh softly. “That’s fucked up.”

Gar nods. “Yeah, but she’s okay now.” Gar assures you.

“She seems to like it. This place help?” Your eyes glance to your hands and then back to Gar.

Gar nods once more. “Yeah,” He shrugs a shoulder. “I think it does.”

It’s helped him a little bit. But, he doesn’t think his trauma is worth talking about. It’s not as bad as Rachel’s or yours. It was a disease, sure his was different, but it was a disease and people get diseases all the time. Some people live and some people die because that’s how it works. He turns into a green tiger but is that really trauma? In the grand scheme of the conversation? Gar doesn't really think so. So, he keeps the idea of the Tower and the people helping him cope to himself.

“I-it was just…hell.” You suck in a breath, deciding to tell him a little bit. “I was there for a while and this,” You gesture over your face. “Was pretty normal.” You chew the inside of your cheek. “I-I, uh, I-I thought he was gonna…kill me for a while.” You swallow. “I think he wanted to.”

“I’m sorry.” Gar’s brows knit together with sympathy and there’s the look.

You can’t handle the look, not from him. Clearly, he’s seen and heard a lot but now maybe you don’t want to burden him with your shit. He’s been through his own and clearly knows Rachel’s, you can only assume he knows some of Jason’s shit, whatever it is. To you, Gar seems like the person everyone goes to with their problems and you don’t want to stick that burden on him. Not with eyes as caring and gentle as his. It breaks your heart to even be sitting here telling him anything. So, you quit.

“Um…” You shake your head “I’m sorry, I don’t wanna talk about it.” You shut down and Gar just nods.

“It’s okay.” Gar assures you as you get up from the couch.

“I’m…I’m gonna walk.” You fake a smile at him. “Clear my head. Thanks for letting me sleep, Gar.”

“If you need to talk, you can talk to me.” Gar stands up with you, worried he overstepped. “I didn’t mean to--”

“No.” You cut him off quickly. “You didn’t…it’s not like that. I….just. It’s so fucking fresh and you….” You suck your teeth, brows furrowing together as if you’re in pain. “You make me feel normal and I don’t wanna ruin that.” You divert your eyes to the floor. “I’m sorry…thank you.” You look back up at him before turning on your heels and head into the left hallway, disappearing into the shadows.

Gar watches you disappear, kicking himself. He thinks he made it worse. He’s just trying to be there for you but he’s slowly figuring out that that’s not something you want. Not in the talking about-it way, anyway. It’s like you just want to be distracted from it all which Gar can’t blame you for. He can only really imagine what happened from his and Jason’s little bit of research and what information you did give him. His heart aches for you but he’ll never push you to tell him anything. Instead, he goes to his room but he leaves the door cracked just in case you change your mind.

You find yourself wandering the halls until you reach the training room. There you find Jason back at the punching bag. You pull out the phone Dick gave you earlier today and it’s three in the morning. Suddenly, you feel even worse about falling asleep on Gar given how late it is. But, you choose not to focus on the guilt in your stomach and instead on Jason. You stand in the doorway, confused why he would train at this hour. Is he insane?

“Do you ever stop training?” You ask, arms crossed as you’re leaning against one of the sliding doors.

Jason jumps, spinning around quickly. “Fuck, how long have you been standing there?” Jason almost yells at you.

You snicker with a shrug. “Few seconds.”

“What do you want?” He asks and he’s as snarky as ever which makes you happy. It’s like he treats you normally. Not that the others don’t but you can tell it’s like they’re tip-toeing but Jason doesn’t.

You walk in just a few feet, looking around before looking back at Jason. “Was just walking around.”

“That’s fucking weird.”

Jason didn’t expect to see you for the rest of the night. He kind of figured if you woke up, you’d just go to your room, not walk around. Or maybe, you’d be with Gar but you’re here in the training room with him. And maybe despite the snarkiness, he wants you to stay. Maybe the comments will make you want to stay, for entertainment. You seem to like the challenge.

“You’re the one punching a bag at three in the fucking morning. You’re being weird, dude.” You snark with the raise of your brows and Jason deadpans before returning to the bag.

You watch him a little longer and this is your opportunity to ask him to help you. No one else is here and you can only assume Gar went to bed so it’s just you two. He’s clearly dedicated so maybe he’ll want to help anyway. If not, you figure you’ll just hold the little bet over his head.

You close the distance, walking over toward the punching bag. “You’re so….”

“Charming?” Jason glances at you as he punches the bag. “Amazing?” He punches again. “Hot?” He flashes a cocky grin and you sigh.

“I was gonna say snippy, actually.”

“You’re fucking annoying you know that?” Jason snarks.

“Mmm.” You click your tongue a grin pulling at your lips as you point a finger at him. “There it is.”

“Seriously, what do you want?” Jason stops, facing you with annoyance.

“Train me, Dick said I’m not ready.” You hold your head up, crossing your arms across your chest.

Jason pauses, the question catching him off guard. You don’t actually look like you’re in any condition to train, not that Jason really ever agrees with Dick. Bruce doesn’t think he should be Robin but Jason knows he’s ready to get back to it so in a way, Jason understands why you’re asking. Feeling ready, but the adults want to think they know what’s best. It’s shitty. But Jason likes a good fight.

“What happened to you?” The snarkiness leaves his voice as he nods his head up at you and you’re taken aback. Jason, not asking a snarky question? Now, that’s weird.

“Why do you wanna know?” Your voice is level, eyes slight narrowed.

Jason pauses. He’s actually just curious. He knows his motive for wanting to train harder and better and faster than everyone else but what’s yours? Unless yours is going after whoever did whatever it was to you. But now you have powers so you could just take them out with those. You don’t need the combat, really. Jason just wants to know and maybe he has a little more stake in it. He does care about it, even though he acts like he doesn’t. He’s not completely heartless. Plus, maybe it’ll give him bonus points.

“Curious.” Jason shrugs, eyes glancing from your socks to your face.

“You just wanna see all the trauma?” You raise and Jason shrugs, his brows raising quickly as if to be saying ‘why not’ and his nonchalant attitude with the mix of snark gives you enough reason to challenge him a little but take the risk in having to spill. You take a few steps towards him. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” You close the small distance between you standing just an inch away from him. Jason’s breath hitches in his throat for just a second as he looks to you. The look in your eyes sends a shiver down his spine and he’s ready to play the game.

“Asked you first.” Jason doesn’t move from his stance, instead he holds still, looking at you with his eyes locked on yours and he sees a grin coming to your face.

“Alright,” You take one step back. “But don’t make it all emotional or some shit.” You plop down on the floor in front of him, sitting with your legs crossed, Jason taking a breath finally.

He said he wouldn’t. He told Gar he’d leave you alone for a little while but what is he supposed to do when you initiate it? Jason is not gonna back down from that. And, he thinks it’s fun. You play the game and lean into the challenge instead of backing away. It’s only when Jason goes to play, too that you switch it up like a game of cat and mouse. It’s thrilling a little.

Jason chuckles but follows your lead. “You always sit on the floor?”

“You always in here?” You quip.

“Shut up.” Jason shakes his head but a smile still tugs at his lips. “So, spill your guts.”

“It’s not getting that deep, bud.” You scoff but match the smile.

This is what you were thinking when talking to Gar. Gar makes it feel vulnerable, talking about it. That’s not how you want to feel about it. You want to feel strong and fiery. It’s not Gar’s fault, you can tell it’s because he just really, truly cares and feels bad about whatever it is. But, Jason, it’s like he cares but only out of curiosity not because he’s trying to save you or help you.

“Mom was killed by the Joker,” You start, gauging Jason’s face as you talk. “Dad’s a meth addict, a great parental figure obviously.” You say sarcastically. “Went into foster care, Jerry.” You grimace with his name and you try to dodge the feeling of agony and fear when you say his name. “Was my foster dad if you can even call him that.” You scoff. “He wanted to make superhumans. He used me as a test subject, I think for himself to see if anything would work. I had so many things injected I lost count over the year. He kept me chained in a basement and because none of that was quite bad enough, the fucker decided to beat me, too when I didn’t show signs of powers. He’d withhold food, all that shit. I survived mostly off of chicken noodle soup. He beat me so bad, I guess he thought I was dead and dumped in an alley and now I’m here.” You keep your voice nonchalant and steady, listing off your past like some recap of a sitcom.

Jason keeps his eyes on you and he doesn’t know what to say. It’s rare to get him speechless but here he is, without a single word in his head. How is he even supposed to respond to that? It just sounds terrible and horrifying.

“How long did he keep you like that?” He settles on the question, knowing talking about the events in Gotham is a sore spot for him.

“A year, I think. Lost track a bit.” You answer with a shrug, silently begging him to have something snarky or sarcastic to say because now it’s all too real and you wish you could turn back the clock and not say anything.

“That’s fucked up. He’d just experiment on you and fucked you up cause he could?” Jason asks as if not really believe what he’s hearing. People are terrible.

“Mhm.” You hum.

“Fuck that guy, he’s a piece of fucking shit, alright?" There’s a fury in his voice this time and it makes you smile just a little bit. He’s not sorry, he just thinks Jerry is a shitty person.

“No shit.” You huff.

“It worked though, he gave you powers. Why the fuck wouldn’t you have used them?” Jason’s expression changes to confusion. “I’m not blaming you.” Jason defends his words, feeling like it might have come off a bit like victim blaming. “I’m just curious.”

“I was afraid he’d kill me knowing that it worked. I…uh, I learned how to stay calm when he’d come at me so I pissed him off really bad a few days ago. The calmer I was, the more angry he’d get.”

“You got him to do that to you on purpose?” Jason practically yells.

He’s not sure what he expected, really. He kind of just thought it got too bad one day. It lead you to that alley. He didn’t think you actually got someone to do that to you.

You nod, a feeling of shame taking over. “I couldn’t escape any other way. I knew if I could piss him off really really bad, he’d come at me like never before. I could pretend like he killed me or put me into a coma, caused a massive brain bleed, ya know? Something, he would dump me somewhere. It was that or he was gonna kill anyway.” You pause. “Backfired a little, he did come back and I guess thought throwing a few more punches would wake me up.”

“You just played dead the whole time?” There’s a pain in Jason’s voice and he thought this could turn into something of fun, quick-witted jokey conversation but he just feels like you kicked off a cliff.

“Oh, no, I was actually knocked unconscious most of the time while all of it was going on.” You nod casually.

“Fuck.” Jason lets out a breath before continuing. “That’s kind of badass though.” Jason states giving you a grin, you shaking your head and jerking backward in confusion. “You just took him beating the fuck outta you. That’s fucking crazy.”

You laugh softly. “Yeah, dude’s got a hell of an arm and a kick, a-fucking-parently.” Jason’s brows raise as if to be asking for context. “Found more bruises when I showed today, got a nice boot print on my back.” A scoff leaves the back of your throat.

“Fuck that guy, alright?” Jason says, growing angry at the conversation. Who does that to someone for no reason? He kicks ass every night in Gotham as Robin but those people deserve it. What did you ever do to this guy who was supposed to protect you and keep you safe? It’s not right. “He’s a piece of shit and you didn’t deserve that shit. I'll hunt the monster down for you if I have to.”

You furrow your brows. “That’s a kind offer.”

“I’m fucking Robin!” Jason tosses his hands out, gesturing into his chest and outward again. “It’s my job to hunt those dickweeds down!”

You let out a genuine laugh. He is pretty funny actually and he’s not the Robin that let the Joker kill your mom. You actually think Jason would kill the bad guys if he were allowed to. “Mhm.” You hum. “Which is why you’re the best Robin.”

“You think so?” Jason asks, the joy in his voice makes you giggle. “I know I am but Dick and Bruce...” He pauses for a second. “They don’t think so.”

“Well, Dick and Bruce don’t know shit.” You hold your head up high, and you truly think Jason is the better Robin. You’ve seen the YouTube videos.

“Thanks.” Jason offers a sincere smile. “That why you wanna train? Hunt him down yourself kind of deal?”

“Yeah, if I ever see the piece of shit I don’t wanna give him the satisfaction of knowing it worked. I wanna beat the fuck with my bare fucking hands like he did to me.” There it is, the fire you’ve been looking for. You want him to suffer at your own hands. No one else, just you and him and you want to watch everything he worked for crash around him. You want him to be bloody and bruised and beaten like you have been for a year.

“Good, he fucking deserves it. Dick will probably hunt him down if you tell him.” Jason informs you. “He used to be a detective and he worked a lot of cases with shitty parents. I think he went out as Robin and kicked their asses.”

You smile. “Good, people who beat kids deserve what’s coming.” You laugh softly, stretching your legs out beside Jason’s and leaning back on your hands. “Your turn.”

Jason nods, pulling the leg furthest from you up so his foot is on the floor and his knee is bent while he leans back on his hands. “Dad was killed by Two-Face, mom’s a smack addict, uncle drank himself to death.” Jason rambles off as if it were nothing and your eyes squint for just a second. You’re nonchalant because it’s easier that way. Is it easier for him to be like this, too? “Gotham, right?” Jason scoffs, looks down and away from you.

“Special kind of fucked up there.” You say, not looking away from him. “I’m really sorry.” You say, your heart aching for him, something you didn’t really expect given the banter between you. “How’d you get here then?” You ask, instead of asking for details about those he lost knowing you don’t like to talk about it and assuming he probably doesn’t either.

“Caught stealing the hubcaps off the Batmobile.” Jason chuckles, his cocky grin back on his face as he looks to you, clearly proud of himself. He expects you to be impressed with his courage to steal from Batman of all people. But that’s not what your face is telling him.

Your eyes narrow and then you look up before squeezing the bridge of your nose. “Hubcaps.” Your voice is exasperated, eyes closed before looking back at him. “Fuck.”

Jason laughs, knowing what the expression is now. “What? You robbing cars?” He shakes his head. “Nah, you gotta get the hubcaps, more likely to get money from that. Less likely to get caught, too.”

“Fuck you. You got caught, too!” You glare at him.

“Because it was the fucking Batmobile.” Jason tilts his head back with a laugh. “He didn’t wanna press charges, instead, he took me in.”

“Oh, to have been so lucky.” You snark with the roll of your eyes.

“Yeah…” Jason sucks in a breath. “Sorry.”

“Nah,” You scoff with a smile. “I wish I would have been smart enough to rob the Batmobile!”

“Everyone says it was dumb.” Jason scoffs.

Bruce said it was dumb, the cop said it was dumb, Dick, Gar, Alfred, everyone but every single one of them completely neglect the need to survive. Jason's been in and out of the system his entire life. He got lucky that he didn't end up like you in all of the time he was in the system. It was lucky. He lived on the streets, no job, no GED, no diploma, he had nothing. Stealing the hubcaps off cars was how he got money for food. The Batmobile? He knew he'd get more money for it. No one wants to talk about why he did it, just that it was "dumb".

“Well, you got to move in with Batman and even if you succeeded, you would have gotten money. That’s a win-win.” You give him a smile and a laugh because you really wish you would have done it. You get it, you’re the one who gets it.

“What I said!” Jason defends.

“So, that it? Parents and guardians suck?” You pause. “So…why're you here then? I think you're a great Robin, seems a bit weird you're here." You question because you want to know what he did. If stealing hubcaps wasn't Bruce's red flag, what was it?

Jason’s face grows something sad and you’re watching, not sure what he would be sad about. He seems so happy about being Robin. What is there to be sad about? Dick said Bruce wasn’t the best, but was it that bad? Is the guy who dresses up as Batman every night actually a horrible person? Is it all just a show?

“He’s making me take a break.” Jason looks to the ground, his face settling somewhere between annoyed and sad.

You nod. “Ah, what’d ya do?”

“Well,” Jason sighs, running a hand through his hair. “There was the joyrides in the Batmobile and then riding a motorcycle in the manor.”

“I-you…I don’t know what to unpack first. Batmobile or the motorcycle. Why? For both, I guess?” You question.

Why would he risk that? Getting thrown back to the streets or worse? You run the questions through your head but you don't need to ask him because you know. It's what he does. It's what you do. You’re asking Jason to go behind Dick's back, knowing that Dick doesn't have to let you stay. It's a risk and sometimes the risk is worth it. Maybe it's genetic, to be some sort of fuck up. Or, in this case, maybe it's just environmental.

Jason shrugs. “Seemed fun, I guess.”

“You know what I think.” You point a finger at him and Jason deadpans but gestures a hand out for you to proceed. “I think he doesn’t give you enough attention.”

“You a fucking shrink now?”

“Fuck no.” You chortle. “Just an observation. Seems like you like a lot of attention.”

"And why the fuck do you think that?"

"You're a smart-ass." You chuckle as if it should have been obvious. "The risks you take, the fact everyone has something to say about you tells me you intentionally start the shit so they do talk about you. Talking about you in any context is better than being forgotten." You explain and Jason just watches you growing annoyed. He thinks he's so hard to figure out but you have him pegged in five minutes.

"Fuck you." Jason huffs. He does not like being analyzed.

"No one wants to be forgotten." Your voice is quiet and the annoyance suddenly leaves Jason with your tone. You notice the way he looks at you, not with sympathy or pity but with a genuine understanding and you deflect. "And if you keep saying fuck you, I might take you up on it." You wiggle your brows at him and Jason's jaw opens slightly, feeling as if he's just gotten whiplash.

He can play this game. He won't let you get one over on him. This is Jason's game to play and win.

"Fuck. You." Jason taunts you, leaning forward slightly.

You think it's funny. You’re just messing with him but the way he doesn't even bat an eye at it, it energizes your blood in every way. Talking and messing with Jason makes you feel so normal. He doesn't do that little dance thing that Gar does, where he's so worried about stepping on your feelings. Jason just blurts shit out and calls your bluff. It's fun.

"Tell me how you really feel." You challenge him.

Jason wants to go there because he doesn't think you'll commit to it. Maybe you'll pull away or laugh but he'll have won because he didn't back down first. It's like this silent game you're playing and Jason can't tell who the ringmaster is. He swears up and down it's him, but you take the challenge and maybe he's a little worried you'll win.

You make him feel....not useless right now. He has felt useless since being sent here. Dick didn't want him to stick around and help but he kept Rachel and Gar around. He couldn't stop Trigon, he never even stood a chance. But, with you, you don't know any of that shit. It's just you two with no expectations of anything. It's the two of you and your trauma bonding and this little game. He wants it to be a long game though, drag it out and see who wins then.

"I don't think you like attention." Jason states, your brows furrowing and you didn't expect him to be the one to back down.

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re awake when no one else is. You choose Gar to hang out with. I'm guessing you did a lot of the crime at night and not just because it was easier. It's Gotham, day crime is also pretty fucking easy. Guessing you haven't told anyone else what happened because you don't want them to look at you.” Jason explains in the same way you did but this time, with a bit more bite in his voice.

You shake your head, a smile tugging at your lips. Maybe you’re also a bit transparent around him. “Mmm who’s the wanna-be shrink now?”

“Fuck off.” Jason chuckles. “Have you told anyone else? About what happened to you?”

You shake your head. “No, uh…” You furrow your brows, shaking your head once more. “I almost told Gar but….he makes it….too…”

“Real?”

“Yeah and vulnerable. Dick’s too serious about it and I haven’t talked much to Rachel. You always have a smartass comment though. Makes it feel more like a joke. And....we have Gotham in common, ya know?”

Jason nods with understanding. He doesn’t really like talking about any of it either. None of it really. It’s why he always says it so nonchalantly. It’s easier to brush it all off than boil in the feelings of sadness and regret. It’ll eat him alive if he thinks too much about it.

“Yeah, you make it easier, too.”

“Was that something nice you just said?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Jason groans. He nods his head up at you quickly. “How bad are the bruises?” You raise one brow at him. “I’m not a complete fucking asshole, alright? I don’t actually want you to get hurt.”

He’s thinking of caving. He gets you and you get him. Jason doesn’t have confidence about where this will go by any means but he’s confident he can trust you. If it were Jason, he’d never fucking quit if he were told he couldn’t train. He’d be training recklessly if he had to. You, at least had the brains to come and ask him for help. You’re not dumb, you’re desperate and Jason gets it. But he doesn’t want to contribute to your injuries if they’re that bad.

You think for a few seconds. They’re not great. Most of them are a deeper shades which means they’re further away from healing but you have a few older ones that have turned lighter in color. You know those aren’t the ones him and Dick are concerned about. And you could lie to him, it’s not like he’s going to pin you down and check for himself. But that doesn’t really feel right. Especially with him being nice to you and honest.

“What’s your definition of bad?” You ask, just trying to see how well you need to answer his question.

“Do they hurt?” Jason asks, not sure how to answer it.

“Well, yeah they’re bruises.”

“You know what I mean.” Jason groans.

“Yeah, they hurt. Like walking kind of hurts and bending certain ways hurts.”

“And you wanna fucking train and make it worse?”

“Do you ever rest? If you get hurt being Robin, do you rest or do you train?”

“Fine.” Jason groans, knowing he’s lost the battle. “But you know you’re not gonna run into the guy this week, right? The tower is secure so you don’t have shit to worry about.”

Jason caves. Training helps him deal with the bullshit. It makes him feel like he has a purpose. Being Robin is the one thing he does really well and it makes him feel like he belongs somewhere, something he’s never felt before. All the bullshit that happened before, it doesn’t matter when he’s Robin and when he’s training. He wants to give that to you.

“I know but I wanna be prepared. I wasn’t prepared last time.” You answer honestly. You will never let anyone do that to you again.

“You’re fucking crazy, ya know?” Jason chuckles softly.

“So are you, bud.” You get up. “Well, good talk. Lots of trauma bonding, but I’m gonna try to go tot bed.” You opt to end the conversation just in case he changes his mind but you’re a little disappointed. You do enjoy talking to him. Just like this.

Jason pauses for a second, looking up at you. You’re a human person and you have similarities in your traumas. It’s a little refreshing in a fucked up kind of way. No one else really gets it because it’s different, having a parent actively abandon you is different than dying. In a way, Jason thinks it’s worse. His mom picked drugs over him. He wasn’t good enough to love, by his own mother, and the only one who’d actually get that here is you. But, he knows that you might also benefit from actually talking about it with someone who can offer some actual support about it. It did help when he talked to Gar about it once.

“You should talk to Gar.” Jason says from the floor as you were on your way out.

“About?” You turn to look at him.

“What happened to you.” Jason gets up from the floor.

“Why?” You think it’s a bit weird to bring that up and now. You both just said it’s weird making it feel vulnerable and real.

Jason shrugs. “Might help, dealing with it.” He sucks in a breath as if it’s hard for him to even say. He hates talking about it but Gar will just listen. He’s the one person Jason has actually had a heart-to-heart to about it.

“Afraid I might…break him.” You laugh softly. “Ya know? Like he’s already seen some bad shit and he is…. unfathomably kind. I don’t wanna ruin him.”

Jason huffs but there’s a smile peaking onto his face. “He looks at the ligature marks on your wrists whenever you’re not tugging on your sleeves. Whatever he’s imagining happened to you is always going to be worse than what actually happened.” Jason says, his voice a bit flat and you can see this is a struggle for him to say and you wonder why.

“Like in horror movies. Choosing not to show the violence because what we imagine will always be scarier.”

“Yeah, I’m just saying, he’s a good listener if you just wanna be pissed about it.” Jason chuckles. “He’ll let you bitch about it.”

You smile at him and shake your head. Everyone here wants to talk so much shit about him which hey, maybe he deserves usually. But, you see through his bullshit because you do the same shit. It’s not cold-hearted, it’s a coping mechanism. A way to protect yourselves from getting hurt again. You get him, you get it and it makes you happy because he gets you, too.

“You’re not so bad, Jason Todd.” There's a genuine sweetness to your eyes as you say it and Jason doesn't believe it.

“I am the best.” He opens his arms, palms up, the arrogant smile beaming.

You roll your eyes, feeling bubbles and butterflies in your stomach. “Yeah, sure, goodnight, Jason.” You emphasis his name as you turn to leave and it sends Jason’s heart spinning.

“Goodnight, Y/n.” His voice is actually kind as he watches you leave.

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Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai // @makaelaseresin

#gar logan #jason todd #gar logan x reader #garfield logan x reader #jason todd x reader #gar logan fanfic #gar logan fanfiction #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #titans #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #caving in

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bisexualmultifandommess · 11 months

Text

This is going to be on the Titans version of Gar because he’s my favourite!

I’ve mentioned before that I see Gar as bisexual.

I think that Gar has kind of always known that he’s bi even if when he was younger he didn’t know the term. He didn’t really officially come out as Bi until he met Dick, Kory and Rachel but everyone he lived with at the Doom Patrol Manor was aware that he liked both men and women.

He definitely found Dawn and Donna attractive but always kept that hidden to be respectful. He really likes strong women.

He gained a small crush on Superman and Batman when he was quite young the way most people develop crushes on their heroes. Although he eventually grew out of those crushes once he became older he still respects them as heroes and becomes very excited when they’re mentioned.

Upon first meeting Jason he developed a small crush on him. Robin has always been a favourite sidekick hero of his and even though he was excited to meet Dick he was even more excited to meet a Robin that was just a little older than him.

His crush on Jason became stronger after the two of them started spending more time together in Titans Tower. He had a bit in common with him and they both liked training together. Gar felt very connected to him and would often feel shy when Jason would compliment him during training. He held back from revealing that he had feelings for him due to being a little younger and Jason’s feelings for Rose.

He was very upset when he could see that Jason had feelings for Rose. It took a while for him to get used to it.

He always tried to see the best in Jason even after he became Red Hood.

After Jason was gone for a while he didn’t really try to seek anyone else out and didn’t develop feelings for anyone until he developed feelings during his friendship with Conner.

Gar found Conner very attractive and had a lot of fun with him teaching him about video games and different things to enjoy around the tower. It started out as just attraction but after everything with CADMUS the two of them became closer and Gar started developing feelings for him. He tried to ignore any future crushes he developed on any guys or girls after Conner developed feelings for Blackfire. The two of them are obviously still friends and somewhere down the line after Gar got over his crush Conner found out that he liked him like that at some point and was flattered that his best friend liked him.

Eventually I like to believe that Gar and Jason got closer again in the future because Jason always felt closest to him out of any of the team apart from Dick and I think he’d develop feelings for Gar too and Gar after spending time with him would start to crush on him again. They’d both see how it goes and start slow but I think they’d work out.

Gar definitely likes muscular guys although he’d love anyone no matter how they look.

He can get flustered when anyone flirts with him. He once got flirted at by a cute girl who worked at a coffee shop and he couldn’t really form a sentence when she started flirting with him. Rachel who was with him at the time found it hilarious and teased him about it the whole way home much to his annoyance.

When he found out that Tim is bisexual too he was excited because it would be good to have someone to talk to about it. He’s always willing to listen to Tim if he has any problems and Tim is the same for him. He’s also 100% ready to hype Tim up or give him a confidence boost.

Gar has a pride flag and pin that he keeps in his room at the tower.

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damiansgrayson · 10 months

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I kinda want you to go all out in a rant re: dc's writing of dick in recent times... if you feel up for it just know I'm over here like 👀🍿😈

ah, yes. i could summarize with the sentence: they were overcorrecting after Ric Grayson and then spun out.

but I'll continue below:

this man was batman. do you know how up in arms every batstan would be if they did this with Bruce???

this man was batman. (this man was also a cop, which like acab- but also he knows how a fucking interrogation works)

dick has never been more sensible than Bruce in his life when it comes to putting himself in danger. ever. he's only more sensible when telling his teammates (or family) to rest..... and what's even more frustrating is that they show this in the same run???

the writing Tom Taylor has done is just so inconsistent and he uses the below as an excuse

now if they had actually leaned into the complexities of repeated concussions, it would be an interesting arc for me (i'm a healthcare provider) but the writers simply don't have the range, and this is a superhero story. suspence of disbelief in body limits is VITAL.

and it's only for them to overcorrect and spinout again by giving Dick superpowers. just another way of ruining so much of what I love the batfamily for. they're just human! (minus duke, and jason who i like to make zombie jokes about). Almost boring, if they weren't them.

and not all of the writing is horrible which almost makes it worse. i love alfred honoring Dick in death (but he shouldn't have been the only batkid). i love dick being an asshole to bruce before they change up and start making him reference him as "Dad" to his face and othef batfam members. like this moment is fun:

and then of course there's them having every batfam and titan member being overly concerned and becoming helicopter friends and it was nice at first because it was novel and he deserves the kindness...... until it starts happening so often and in ways where they're taking his agency away from him. his legacy of *leadership* away.

i multiship so I'm not going to get into the whole dickkory/dickbabs debacle because that's it's own can of worms anyway... but yeah. it's a mess.

extra links to posts by others i agree with or reblogs i have similar tags on here:

x x x x

#dick grayson #dc comics #anti tom taylor #cherry talks

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lovibitchez · 9 months

Text

I'd like to thank @nocturnalchaos for their kind review of this story. It actually made me go back and fix a few things I disliked about this and they helped me find my will to write again. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You really did help me through some hard times. Also, I have yet to edit it, so I do apologize for any errors. I wrote this at work on my phone.

2 years ago…

"What do you want from me, Rae!" Jason yelled from outside the door of Raven's room in the tower. Even if he wasn't technically on the hero side, Dick trusted his brother enough to be in the tower.

"The truth!" Raven yelled, leaning against the door to prevent Jason from trying to pry his way in. She would use her powers, but she couldn’t quiet trust them at the moment. Jason and Raven had been…. somewhat dating for the past few months. Well, not dating. Sleeping together. They were good friends at first, but after Raven came banging on the door to his apartment with tears in her eyes and a broken heart, they had been a little closer than usual.

"You want the truth! Yes! I slept with Rose! But it was before we started our little escapade!" He was frustrated. It all started with a stupid tabloid about Jason, son of Bruce Wayne, being seen with a blonde beauty with one eye at a bar. "Last week, that was business! She had intel on a drug ring I've been looking for. I don't know why you're so pissed. We aren't even dating!"

Raven opened her door a small crack just to see the frustration on Jason's face. His hair was a mess from constantly running his hands through it to keep calm and his eyes were almost overflowing with the pit. "How would you feel if you saw me with someone else?"

Jason froze, "Why would I care? It's your life."

Wrong answer. Raven gave him a bone-chilling look before taking a deep breath, "Goodbye, Jason Todd." She shut her door before teleporting out of the tower. That was the last time Jason saw Raven.

Four months later, the Titans were no more. Budget cuts in Jump City and the Justice League taking over, it made it impossible for the Titans to stay around. The Titans were all given identities, and some were given Halo-Rings to look more human.

Dick moved to Blüdhaven where he continued to be Nightwing and Detective Richard "Dick" Grayson with his new wife Kori as she continued her freelance modeling career. Victor mainly worked at the watchtower, being a member of the Justice League, but when he was back on Earth, he worked at an auto body shop dating Karen, otherwise known as Bumble Bee. Garfield was in college working on his veterinary license. And Raven? She disappeared. Not having a life on Earth before the Titans, she only had her fake identity and a GED she established before the team disbanded.

No one knows where she went, or if she was even on Earth still.

Until today…

Red Hood was notorious for keeping companies ensured. Some were small local businesses that paid him in food and a safe place to hide out while others were large clubs that paid him well to keep the ruffians and cops out. Tonight was one of those nights.

“Mama’s House” was a strip club that also worked as an underground Hen House. The girls were instructed to keep a sense of anonymity while in the club while servicing clients.

Jason was always impressed by the look and size of the club. Red velvet walls adorned with White silk curtains as decorations. The three stages separated by two rounded bars in between. For an illegal business, the place had some class. All but the owner. Oscar Danny. A large bearded man who required his girls to call him “Big Daddy”. It wouldn’t surprise Jason if he often sampled his girls, but that was Oscar’s business.

Or, it was. Jason sat at the bar, waiting for Oscar to get out of his “meeting” with one of his girls and decided to have a drink and a look around. After grabbing his old fashion, he walked over to the main stage where his heart almost stopped.

She looked different. Long jet-black hair, pale pink skin, and bright blue eyes. But he could recognize her anywhere. The way her body rolled against the pole, how she teased her hair when she was dancing like no one was watching. He watched her drop to her knees with her legs spread.

She rolled her hips to the rhythm of the music, stirring something deeply hidden within Jason. Yes, last but something more. It was like seeing an oasis after being stranded in the desert for weeks without water. She was a refreshing sight for his dark world. She always was. But he fucked it up.

He felt the pit surface as he watched. Her hips faltered for a moment so brief, Jason thought he blinked. But he couldn’t look away. Watching her do the things they used to do in private, put on display for dozens of men. The pit was bubbling in his eyes and he feared what he might do if she didn’t stop.

As if some deity heard his prayers, the music ended and she quickly sauntered off the stage. Jason’s feet moved before his brain could tell them to. His vision was blurred, all but her.

______________________________________________________________________________

Raven felt his presence the second those heavily tinted doors opened. She had hopped he wouldn’t recognized her. She looked different. She looked normal.

Raven stood on stage, the spotlight almost blinding. Her soul self snuck into the shadows, following Jason around the club until he was up close to the stage.

She probably didn’t need to use her powers. It’s kind of hard to miss a tall man in a red hood. But she needed to know why he was here. Was Jason looking for her? How did he find her? Why is he in his hero gear if he wanted to talk to her? Does he know? Raven’s blood ran cold at the thought.

Soon, the song ended and she quickly left the stage. Unfortunately, she wasn’t allowed into the back. Not yet. She had to walk the floor and accept request.

She left the stage only to run into Jason.

“Act natural” she thought to herself. Raven lifted her head to speak but no words came out. She stood there, looking up at him, desperately trying to stay calm. But it was hard for a multitude of reasons. His emotions swirled around like a storm. His anger was palpable. Like a dish coated in pepper. Yet, there was something sweet under it all. Something not like lust but it left the same taste in her mouth all the same.

“Excuse me,” She squeaked, her voice betraying her confident demeanor.

“Raven.” He breathed her name out like it was a prayer. As if seeing her was the only thing that has ever mattered to him. And maybe it was. Maybe he regrets what he said. Or maybe he was here for another reason.

“I-“ Raven took a deep breath, desperately trying to keep up her façade around him. “Who?” she asked fainting innocence.

Jason let a deep breath out through his nose before speaking, “Raven, I-“

“Mr. Hood!” a thick Boston accent broke his gaze, “good to see you again! It’s been months!”

“Oscar.” Jason quite honestly couldn’t stand the man. The only reason he was willing to insure this place was for the girls.

“Did I finally get a girl you’d like?” he laughed, “how ‘bout you two go upstairs. Free of charge, of course.”

“But-“ Raven chimed in.

“I don’t want to hear it. Mr. Hoods been good to us! He deserves to let off some steam.”

“You know what?” Jason said, never taking his eyes off the small woman, “I think I’ll take you up on that offer.”

Oscar smiled brightly, “she’s a hot one isn’t she.”

“She’s something alright.” Jason turned from Raven and followed Oscar up the spiraling staircase.

Raven took in a sharp breath and followed behind at a distance. Oscar had led them to the farthest room from the stairs. Raven took a deep breath as she stepped into the velvet covered room. Raven always hated the design in these rooms. Red velvet lined the walls and coated the floor. The round silk covered bed sat in the center of the room. Everything was littered with hearts. Neon hearts hung on the wall, heart shaped lamps and even a heart shaped chair sat in a small corner next to a heart shaped corner table. This room cost more than her apartment yet it looked so cheap.

Jason stood at the foot of the bed, watching Raven’s every move. She stood by the door with her head held high. She was here physically but her eyes were clouded with thoughts of being anywhere else.

“You treat him good, girlie.” Oscar huffed, “If I get one more complaint about you, you’re out of here. I don’t care about your little “situation”.” Raven only nodded at him, not trusting her voice. Oscar turned to Jason, “Just bring her back in one piece,” he winked before leaving and shutting the door.

Jason watched Raven, unsure of what to say. Raven was on the verge of a panic attack. Her chest rose with every deep breath and her legs faltered as she stepped closer to Jason. Jason took a step closer, reaching an arm out to grab the shaking woman.

“Raven,” he sighed. His arm wrapped around her stomach as he brought her in for a deep hug. Jason leaned his head on Ravens, taking in her scent. Even through the hood he can smell the lilacs in her hair and the old parchment she was often fond of reading. It was her and there was no doubt about that. “Fuck I’ve missed you.”

A part of her wanted to sink into his arms like she had before. But the part of her that he hurt wanted to push him away. To tell him to get out of her life and to never come near her again. Raven stood shocked for a moment before carefully prying out of his grip.

“I-I’m sorry.” She whispered, “I don’t know who you’re talking about.” The lie rolled off her tongue so easily. As if she had practiced for the moment for months.

“Cut the shit, Sunshine,” Jason growled out. He took off his hood and placed it on the bed. “You may be in disguise but I can always tell if its you.” He took a step closer and she moved back. “What are you doing in a place like this?”

Raven’s eyes never left Jason’s. His eyes had turned a dark shade of green as the pit spilled out. He was on the verge of chaos and Raven knew she had to calm him down. But something inside her seemed to snap.

“I could be asking you the same thing,” she growled back. “I thought you were done being the bad guy.”

Jason crossed his arms, thankful she finally dropped the act, “I collect insurance from those who need it. That’s all.”

She scoffed, “like a common thug.”

“Hey, I’m helping people. Not shaking my ass for every Tom, Dick, and Harry that pays me to!”

Raven was taken aback by his comment. The hurt she felt all those years ago bubbled up and fueled her rage, “Well I’m sorry I don’t have daddy’s bank account to fall back on!”

Jason growled, pushing Raven against the wall, “And this was the only option? Honestly, Raven, I thought you were better than this.”

“And I thought you were more understanding.” She glared at him. “Wasn’t your mother a stripper?”

“And now she’s dead.” Jason breathed out. Jason felt like Raven had just driven a knife into his chest and twisted it. Bringing Bruce into this was one thing, but his mother? She knew damn well that was a sore spot for him. “She was desperate!”

“And I’m not?” She scowled, “You honestly think I would work here if I had a choice!”

Jason took a deep breath, trying to calm the raging pit inside him, “You could have asked for help.”

“From whom, Jason? The Titans? They’re long gone! And the Justice League would never-“

“You could have asked me!”

Raven couldn’t help it. The laugh that came out of her was cold and humorless, but a laugh, nonetheless. “Right, let me just call up the asshole that-“ She stopped herself before she could continue the thought.

“That what? Left you? Hurt you?” He ran his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, “Shit, Sunshine. I’m sorry, okay. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I just didn’t know what was going on.”

“Bullshit!” She hissed, “You knew damn well how I felt about you and acted like it was no big deal!”

“I know, okay! I fucked up but please, just talk to me! Let me make it up to you!”

“No,” She shook her head, “This isn’t something you could just make up for Jason. We can’t just go back.”

“Then we shouldn’t.” He stepped closer, watching to see if Raven would move away. He sighed with relief when she didn’t. “Let’s go forward. Let me help you. I can-“

“It’s not that simple, Jason.” Raven held herself as she looked at her feet, “There’s something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you that day.” Jason stood still as Raven searched for the right words to say, “I was…” she paused, finding it almost impossible to speak. “I have, you have,”

“If you can’t say it, then don’t. Just, don’t disappear again.” Jason reached out to Raven, carefully bringing her into another hug. “Shit, Little Bird, I looked everywhere for you.”

“You did?” She squeaked, sinking into his arms.

“I fucked up the second I said that to you. I am so sorry.” He held her tight. For the first time since that day, Jason felt at ease. He always did when Raven was in his arms.

“Jason, we-“

There was a knock at the door and Raven could hear crying. She quickly pulled herself out of his grip and rushed to the door. When she opened it, a large woman carrying a crying baby stood there with a look of irritation.

“Finally. She hasn’t stopped crying for the last twenty minutes and it’s starting to piss me off.”

“She must have missed a feeding,” Raven’s voice was soft as she picked up the child, “Shh, I’ve got you,” She cooed.

Jason stood where Raven had left him. A thousand things were running through his head. Whose kid was that? Raven’s? Who’s the father? Was it his? Was it a clients? Jason saw red for a moment. The thought of Raven being in that situation, being used and tossed to the side, being alone with someone’s child. Had she been doing this alone?

The woman took a quick peak into the room and scoffed, “Didn’t know you were with someone.”

“I can take her from here. Thanks Sister Anna.” The woman scoffed and walked off, leaving Raven with her daughter.

“I-“ She held her daughter close in her arms, “This is Lillian.”

“Is she?”

“Yes.” Raven answered, hushing the frail child in her arms. “Um, do you mind if I?” She gestures to the bed. Jason said nothing. He moved slightly to the side and gestured for her to sit.

Raven took cautious steps towards the bed to sit and removing her bikini top. Lillian wasted no time latching onto Ravens nipple.

“How old is she?” Jason asked, watching the baby drink from her mother.

“Fifteen months, I think.” Raven sighed, “Jason, this is your daughter. She’s why I was so desperate.” She looked up at Jason, tears threatening to spill out. “I shouldn’t have kept her from you. I’m so sorry.”

Jason examined the child. She was almost a carbon copy of Raven. She had Raven’s nose, pale skin, and jet-black hair. If it wasn’t for her teal eyes, Jason wouldn’t have believed her.

“I have a daughter.” He whispered. “She’s,” Jason couldn’t find the words to say. His vision started to blur and he could feel his nose drip. Was he crying? Jason never cried. “She’s perfect.” He choked out. Raven turned away from him, bringing her attention back to the baby in her arms. Lillian had slowly stopped suckling on Raven’s breast, her eyelids heavy.

Jason bent down to Raven’s level, holding out his hands, “Can I?” he asked, gesturing to the half-asleep child. Raven hesitated for a moment before carefully handing Lillian over to her father. Jason carefully held her in his arms. Lillian was staring up at him with groggy eyes. There was a small smile on the baby’s lips. Jason let out a weak sob as he held her close, “Hi,” he whispered, “I’m a dad.” Jason wasn’t sure how to feel. He was a dad. He never thought it was possible.

“I didn’t think you could have kids.”

“I didn’t think I could either.” She admitted, “I’m a half demon and demons already struggle with fertility. But when we go into heat, it becomes possible for full blooded demons.”

Jason thought back to their time together. Throughout their time together, Raven had been in heat once. Jason remembers that week fondly. The way Raven had begged for him. The way she couldn’t hold back her moans when he was inside her. If Jason could, he would go back to those days. He would do things right. He would have told her how he felt the day she came to his door in tears.

“Let me be in her life.” He begged.

“Jason,” She placed a hand on his shoulder, “I didn’t mean to hide her from you for song long. I was hurt and scared. Everything just fell apart so fast.”

“I know. I can’t fix what I said, but please, just let me have a chance. I can’t lose you again.”

Raven wiped the tears from her face and nodded, “I can’t keep you away from her.”

Jason chuckled and nodded, “Can’t keep me away from either of you.”

Raven looked at the time, “Shit,” She mumbled, “I have to get back out there.”

“Wait,” Jason grabbed her arm, “Come home with me. Both of you.”

Raven thought for a moment than shook her head, “I don’t know if I can trust you yet.”

“Raven, please. I can’t let you keep working here.”

“Why would you care? It’s my life.” She stated coldly, repeating the words he told her that day.

“Raven,”

“I need to take Lily back to the daycare and I need to pay rent.” She carefully to Lillian from her father. “Come find me after my shift. We need to talk logistics.” Jason said nothing, he only nodded and stood up. He put his hood back on and followed her out the door.

It was two in the morning when Jason stood in the alley, chain smoking his second pack in the last hour.

“Dude, you gotta quit it with the smoking.” Roy chastised him, “She’ll be coming out soon. I hope.” Roy rubbed his hands together for warmth. It was freezing outside. The snow fell heavily on the streets just like it always did during the winter in Gotham. Roy was never one for the cold but Jason never seemed to care.

“I’ll stop when I see her.” Jason bit back, his nerves frayed from the earlier interaction. He was a father. No matter how many times he said it to himself, it still didn’t feel real. But she felt real. She was so small and so soft. Jason wanted to see her again. To hold Lillian in his arms just to remind himself that she’s real. That he has a child.

The back door to the club squeaked open and Raven came out holding Lillian bundled in a thick jacket and a blanket. Raven on the other hand, was in a pair of pants and a coat that looked like it had been worn one too many times.

“Sorry, it took me longer to get out than expected.” She held Lily close and walked over to Jason. There was a slight limp to her walk, one that Jason hadn’t noticed before.

“You okay, Sunshine?” He asked. Raven cursed herself under her breath. Of course Jason would notice a limp. After all, the world’s greatest detective trained him.

“Yeah,” She said a little too quickly, “I tripped earlier.”

“Another lie,” he thought, but chose to let it go.

“Raven!” Roy jumped out, giving the young woman a bear hug. “It’s been way to long!”

“Roy,” Raven gave her old friend a soft smile, one that made Jason’s heart drop. “It’s good to see you again.”

“And this must be Lillian,” Roy looked down at the baby asleep in her mother’s arms, “She’s adorable! Looks just like her mama.” He smiled brightly at her and Raven couldn’t help but return his smile in kind.

Jason walked over to the pair and held out his arms, “I’ll carry her.” Raven reluctantly handed her daughter to Jason who happily took her and wrapped her in his arms. Jason smiled down at the little girl, moving a strand of hair from her forehead. “We’ll take you home. That way we can talk in private.”

“I live just up the street.” She responded, walking ahead of them. They walked in silence, no one knowing what to say. Jason kept on peeking down at the baby in his arms, still unable to believe she was real.

“She’s a quiet baby.” Raven stated.

“She’s so small,” he whispered.

“I do what I can to keep her fed,” Raven snapped, not looking back at her ex-lover.

Jason winced, “That’s not what I meant.”

“So,” Roy cut in “How long have you been working for Oscar?”

“Just a few months. The diner I used to work at went out of business.”

“Such is the life of a Gothamite.” Roy chuckled. Jason couldn’t be more thankful that Roy was there. He kept the conversation lively and prevented any lingering hostilities between the two. That is until they reached the apartment complex Raven was living in.

Raven didn’t have to use her powers to feel their shock. Raven knew damn well how shitty her apartment was. The gray paint was chipping off the side of the building and there was a hole in the center of the roof. Luckily, Raven’s apartment was on the opposite side of the building to where the hole was. But that didn’t make the place anymore drafty.

She took out her key and unlocked the door. She entered her apartment and turned on the lights. Jason’s heart sank. The carpet had stains that must have been set years ago and the walls were covered in cracks. What relived Jason was the furniture. Ravens small living room had a small old gray couch and a tv. The floor was littered with toys and there was a large baby blanket. Her kitchen had an old stove and a small fried. The microwave had a dial instead of buttons and her coffee machine had seen better days.

“It’s no tower, but it’s better than the street,” Raven chimed in. She walked over to Jason and held out her hands. “Let me put her down then we can talk.”

“Let me,” Roy walked over, carefully taking Lillian from her father, “I’ll keep an eye on her while you talk.” Raven was about to protest when Roy spoke again, “I’ll call if she needs anything.” Roy held the sleeping baby in his and softly cooed, “hey, Lily. I’m your uncle Roy.”

Raven let out a soft sigh and waved Jason to follow her into a small room. Jason looked around her small room. The bed laid on the floor covered in blankets with a crib sitting next to it. There was a small dresser by the window and the closet was missing its door.

Jason looked back to the bed then up at Raven, “guessing the heater’s broke?”

Raven tugged her jacket closer to her chest and glared, “we’re serving, Jason. Lily gets fed and I’m making rent.”

“I’m not judging you, Raven,” he huffed, “I know you’re doing what you can I just wish you would have told me.”

“And what would you have done if I did?”

“I would have stayed.”

“Bullshit.” Raven hissed.

“Why are you so pissed at me? I’m not the one who hid our child from me!”

“I didn’t hide her!”

“Right, sorry. You didn’t hide her, you just never got around to telling me!” Jason took a step forward and Raven stepped back, wincing. “Your hurt.”

“I’m fi-“

“Don’t-“ Jason took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm that’s been brewing for hours, “don’t lie to me. Not anymore tonight.”

His voice came out so soft Raven could have sworn he was begging her. She looked away, trying to find any distraction from her own swirling emotions. “I can heal myself.”

“Then why haven’t you done it yet?”

Raven couldn’t hide from him anymore. The last two years have been hell. Hoping from job to job just to keep food on the table and debt collectors away. Her eyes burned with unscheduled tears and her legs felt ready to give out. She leaned against the wall, trying her damndest to keep the tears from flowing.

“I’ve gotten weaker,” she admitted. Jason took a cautious step closer, ready to grab Raven. They spent too much time together for Jason to not recognize when she was ready to collapse.

“Do you know what caused it?”

She shook her head, “my minds been a mess since I left the tower. And having a baby doesn’t really give me room to meditate or take care of myself.”

“Well I’m here now.” Jason took another cautious step towards Raven l, wrapping his arms around her and letting her fall into him. Jason missed her soft touch more than he realized. Having her in his arms again was a constant dream to him. “Let me help. If not for you, than for Lillian.” Raven let out a weak sob and wrapped her arms around his waist.

Her legs shook too much to keep her up, she slid to the floor with Jason still clinging to her for dear life. Her whole body shook with the force of her unshed tears.

After a few minutes of muffled sobs, Raven had regained enough composure to continue. “What happened, Sunshine?” The softness in his voice had almost brought her back to tears, but she managed to push them down.

“Oscar,” she whispered, “he got upset that Lily interrupted us and he thought you left mad about it.”

“So he hurt you?”

“I could have been worse than just a twisted ankle.” She mumbled

Jason saw red. How could he not? The woman he’s been searching for and the mother of his child was in a dangerous situation. He held Raven tight and carefully lifted the ankle of her pants. Her alkies heel was purple and had started to swell.

“I tripped.” She repeated her statement from earlier, “I technically didn’t lie.”

“But how did you trip?” He gently grabbed Ravens chin, inspecting her face and neck for any markings.

“You won’t find anything. My powers may have weakened, but I can still heal small bruises.”

“so he hit you.” He didn’t state it as a question. Son of the world’s greatest detective, he could figure it out from just the little information she gave him. Oscar got mad, hit her and she tripped in her heels. “Raven,”

“I know,” she cut him off, removing her but I needed the money.”

“I know.” He sighed. There was an awkward pause before either spoke. “Listen, I know I can’t convince you to quit or rely on me until you can get a different job, but please. Let me help.”

“Okay,” Raven conceded, “for Lily.”

“For Lily,” He repeated, “and a bit for you.”

She chuckled, “if it helps you sleep at night, sure.” Jason felt his heart skip a beat. The sound of her laugh was a rare treat to hear. He missed it probably more than he thought was rational. But he missed everything about her.

“I should put Lily to bed, I have to work tomorrow.” Raven carefully stood, Jason helping her.

“With that ankle?”

“I have to pay rent somehow.”

“But-“ Jason cut himself off. He knew damn well telling Raven what to do was a pointless fight. “okay. I’ll be picking Lily up tomorrow before you head out.”

Raven froze for a moment, unsure of what to say, “is your place baby proof?”

“yeah. We still have a bunch of Lians old baby stuff. I’ll put it together before I pick her up.”

She nodded, “okay.”

“I’ll be here around noon?” she nodded, opening the door to Roy holding a sleeping Lillian.

“She was an angel,” Roy smiled, handing the sleeping baby back to her mother.

“Thank you, Roy,” she held Lilian close and looked up at Jason, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he looked down at his daughter, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lily” he whispered, gently patting her head.

Raven watched the men leave. She let out a shaky breath when she was finally alone with her daughter. “Well, I guess you will have your dad in your life.” The baby cooed in her sleep, cuddling into her mother’s chest. “Let’s get you to bed.” Raven carried her to bed carefully putting her in the old crib. She carefully put a blanket over the top of the crib, giver her daughter enough space to breath.

Raven quickly got ready for bed, wrapping her ankle before crawling into her bed and passing out. By tomorrow, her ankle should be healed, but Raven still remained cautious.

_______________________________

Jason walked down the sidewalk, Roy following close behind with a smile on his face. "So..." Roy said, elbowing his friend, "How does it feel to be a dad?"

"I'm not sure," Jason hummed, his face scrunched in a look of thought, "I'm angry Rae hid it, but I guess I'm... happy?" He sighed, "I'm not sure. I'm probably going to fuck it up like my folks did. Or worse, like Bruce."

Roy scoffed, "Please! You should learn from it! Plus, I think Raven is a good mom. Did you see how she held her! Man, if Jade acted like that towards Lian, I'd-" There was a swift kick to Roys' ribs, making him fall to his knees, "Noted," he groaned.

"You should know not to say shit like that."

"why?" The archer huffed, getting off the ground, "you've never cared when I've talked like that before? Is it because of-" There was another kick. But not to his ribs, Roy cupped his groin as he fell to the floor, trying to breathe, "Noted." He squeaked, voice higher than normal.

"Say one more word, and I'll make sure you can't have another kid." Jason snarled, the pit almost overflowing, which seemed like the running theme tonight. Roy shut up as they walked the rest of the way home in silence.

#jayrae #jason todd #teentitans #raven teen titans #batfam #dc comics #roy harper

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roobylavender · 3 months

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Omg I'm glad I found a fellow new teen titans hater (or at least critic) because while I think Wolfman had some really neat ideas it really amazes me how so much of what he's written for Dick is like the polar opposite of his character for 40 years and how people ignore that simply because they don't read golden/silver age batman... like I hate reboot Nightwing as much as anyone but it's crazy to me how people think he's always been the most anal about his moral code as if it didn't take years for him to develop it after watching Bruce (like in canon: https://64.media.tumblr.com/f20ae729d626788129a371dab7f790db/5b84ba907a5dc5f9-ac/s1280x1920/e0e719108502d4fa51364eb748450141fd1bcedd.png), or how he'd give up college/a day life to be Robin when in canon he was the one all gung-ho about going to college while Bruce hoped for him to stay home (and ironically enough Bruce quit Wayne Industries himself so he could focus full-time on being Batman lmao: https://64.media.tumblr.com/48945b33fa70a2bfbded0fe6c83017d0/68e853c82fce0d82-5a/s1280x1920/32e3b3ab44fa7364ca82eb63bb8c6d5bbbbb7132.png), or even that Dick wouldn't have the patience to mentor children or something when the literal purpose of creating Robin was to be a role model for children to relate to and sef-insert themselves as his friend, hence why he always excelled in school and sports and stuff...like Bill Finger even created this concept of "Robin's Regulars" to show that Dick liked kids and inspired them (https://4.bp.blogspot.com/_wpPLG-yJpJw/S5v2_3KXjdI/AAAAAAAADnM/1aOMBWuCmT0/s400/robinsregulars.jpg)... the good part is that NTT took place when Dick was just 18-19, I can easily pass it off as his angsty phase that he grew out of in the same way Peter's Ditko era is passed off as his edgy college kid phase in-universe that he outgrew thanks to his friends lmao

admittedly i think trying to ascertain any kind of moral code from bruce or dick in the golden age is a bit of a directionless endeavor bc the writers switched things up soooo often depending on whether they want to pander to morality or comedic value 😭 like there's a golden age issue where bruce quite literally lets= someone die in an electric whirlpool of some kind omds it was hysterical. but yeah interestingly with wolfman i like a lot of the things he did with dick as a character if i view them as developments resulting not only from his personal foray into adulthood but also from the distance that started to grow between him and bruce. it was completely logical for dick to reassess a lot of the things he wanted back when he thought it was going to be him and bruce forever versus at present when bruce clearly no longer wanted to sanction him being robin and dick took that to mean he wasn't good enough (even though bruce was merely being protective and trying to respect dick's own ability to choose his own path in life). the problem with wolfman is that rather than portray it as a series of newfound assessments made in context of newfound developments in dick's life, he wrote these assessments as if they had been lodged in dick's mind since the day he was taken in. which to me at least seems to diminish the significance of dick's development into a more agitated, hyper-emotional control freak. it's not supposed to be something that's always been there. it's more latent. dick's belief in himself with respect to his relationship with bruce sort of hung by a thread for the entirety of their tenure together. that's what happens when you let a nine-year-old become a vigilante and spend nearly nine years together thereafter fighting crime with him as your exclusive partner. it builds expectations, hopes, dreams. for his entire life dick was building up to this.. fantasy almost. and when he went to college it still wasn't so bad because even if there was a desire to be independent he still felt like he had bruce's support. the fantasy remained intact. it was only when dick started to realize that being in college hindered what he really wanted to do with his life, and then bruce opposed him on it, and then they proceeded to disagree on a number of other things—as respectfully as they could admittedly. that was the nice thing about the early 80s. they actually talked in the truest sense of the word—and then bruce finally cut the cord (so to speak) on robin existing as a required extension of batman, that the floodgates really opened. every latent positive emotion that dick had ever felt in his life because of what he believed bruce had given him unconditionally was suddenly up for dissection. and that's how you proceeded to get the neurotic ticking time bomb we know and love so well today. or at least that's how i like to conceptualize it in my head

#outbox #dick age eighteen: i'm coming out.. as depressed #also love the panel about bruce quitting his management position at wayne industries bc you know he's lying to himself lmaoo #he doesn't love the management work obv. but we know full well he only sacrifices things for himself in the civilian world #bc he feels like he isn't doing enough in the vigilante world. he likes being bruce wayne. but he can't Justify being bruce wayne #and that subsequently makes it a lot easier (well. that's debatable) for him to be a helicopter parent with respect to everyone else #he's fully entitled to rob himself of his little civilian joys. but it'll upset him if anyone else does the same for themselves

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fightwing · 6 months

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dick's relationship with bruce + the titans too-long meta

there's been so many of these but i have many thoughts on this subject!!! dick's two biggest allegiances are to the batfa.m and to the titan.s and the two simply do not vibe (with pictures!).

for the most part, i feel like (at least in team settings) the titans are pretty vocal about not being batstans and bruce in kind has never put a 'proud parent of a teen titan' bumper sticker on the batmobile. like i feel like there's so many examples of:

and:

i also think both sides thinks dick goes too easy on the other. that dick will always give batman the benefit of the doubt, and he will always answer a titans call. like the titans are constantly grilling dick about why he would listen to batman:

and batman thinks the titans focus too much on the power of friendship:

& i personally do think its a dash of 'what do you mean you're adults you were twelve yesterday'. like all the titans are the original sidekicks to most of the JL, and generally speaking the firsts of their mantle's so i do think there's a dash of parental caution at letting your newly adult kid do whatever they want with their friends. especially considering its not like theyre working at safety & gentle work emporium theyre all vigilantes/heroes and their missions are often life or death. they also are very excessive about each other and would absolutely kill or die for each other given very little prompting (ex: wally literally turned back time and revived dick grayson, thereby killing himself in this very issue). and the titans cannot go a single run without saying 'we didn't create a team... we created a family' and saying shit like:

when they are also (often) the JLs family. But especially in younger years, like the titans were dicks main reason for ever leaving gotham. and in early years robin, dick's sole focus was gotham, bruce and robin. & they worked so well together, dynamic duo who became such a cohesive unit and spent every waking moment together in some capacity (and often enjoyed that time very much)

but once the titans started to meet his duties split and like any teenage kid he found himself wanting to just hang out with his friends rather than his dad sometimes. and dick was so lonely in the early years and naturally sociable that finding other kids who could relate was so important to him. & i just think there's no doubt the titans were the rift that caused b&r to end. at the very least the timeline was sped up by the titans because dick was the youngest of the OG 5 and watched them all break off into their own adult selves and being the first active sidekick i think dick started thinking if they can be adults, can no longer be someone's #2... why can't i? and considering the titans were older than him, dick had several places to land or look for comfort or reassurance in his friends who seemed to have it together more than seventeen year old him. and bruce pushing him away (whole meta on that later) and dick seeing everyone else age out of their sidekick roles, led to stuff like:

and don't get me wrong, no matter the age, i think dick values very few other opinions than batman's. like titans (2016) broke apart because bruce was disappointed in dicks leadership and eventually convinced him wally & donna needed extra supervision (context: wallys heart problems & troia). also, dick rarely leaves things out of reports so im sure bruce saw that /technically speaking/ both dick (bruces son who he is not normal about) and wally died on this mission. but the titans didn't back down:

i also think the titans really respect dick's leadership, and they rarely (if ever) take well to anyone outside the titans shittalking dick grayson (sidenote -- specific titans can do it all they want because they have been a long time dg stan sufferer(TM) but outside of the team it rarely goes over well). but anyway, only dick could convince the titans to not fight this (much) and only bruce could convince dick:

so when dick stopped fighting it and agreed with the JL i feel like it was obvious bruce influenced that.

AND i think super important is that batman/most of the titans aren't super close so all they hear about each other is through dick. and dick can be emotionally intelligent, but he can also be unreasonably secretive. so every time bruce and dick fight or like, those big moments like dick's firing, or kicking dick out of the mansion after jason's death or like any of their big, shocking fights its like dick coming to the titans at his lowest. and because he places so much self worth on bruces opinion on him, i feel like that in turn might make the titans dick does run to in those moments (donna, roy, wally, etc.) resentful because he doesn't always go back into how or why they made up, when they always do.

but anyway all that to say this wouldn't be a problem if dick didn't love them both SO MUCH like:

and:

#LIKE the point of this is that dick loves bruce and loves the titan.s but he's always always letting someone down by doing both #dick says 'so the titan.s think---' and b rolls his eyes and dick says 'so bman thinks---' and the titan.s boo #dick: 🧍#also this narrative that the titan.s are scared of bruce is simply not true #i feel like theyve all individually told b to fuck off at least once a titan.s run #but on the same note i dont think bruce doesnt like the titan.s like he works with individuals from the team all the time #but as a group my interpretation is that he thinks the titan.s will always put each other/friendship above anything else #and even that can just be reckless and regardless of age i think b is very protective of his kids (his eldest included)#but anyways its funny how most of the ones that actually confront dick about it are kory roy and occasionally wally #dicks emotional support redheads show no mercy #anyway theres a lot more to the titan.s/bruce that just doesnt even include dick but alas i am a dg rper. likely place for dg content to be #* meta #* long post

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shadyruinskryptonite · 6 months

Text

Titan Bending, Chapter 3

Warning: Violence consistent with cannon, NSFW so MDNI, language, major character death (both consistent with canon of both AOT and ATLA as well as diverging from canon), so much trauma literally everyone is so traumatized, very much slow burn, a little enemies to lovers, SO MUCH ANGST, hurt/comfort, hurt and delayed comfort, AFAB reader

Chapter Warnings: Language, violence and implied violence, Levi being a dick, please let me know if I missed anything

WC: 2600

Previous Chapter, Next Chapter

Masterlist

I’m given no formal introduction to the soldiers, but Hange does take me around. I’m trying so hard to pay attention to what she’s saying because I think I could be friends with her, but I find myself zoning in and out of the conversation.

“You’ll technically be on Captain Levi’s squad but much like Eren you’ll be running a lot of experiments with me,” Hange says.

“Wait, hold on. I thought we agreed that I was allowed to kind of be my own free agent? What’s this about squads and experiments?”

She waves me off and says, “yes, yes, you have your independence still. But for the sake of our strategy and planning, we have to know roughly where you’ll be located. And as for experiments,” I swear I see her vibrate with excitement, “we also need to understand your abilities and how we can best utilize them.”

I’m still a little apprehensive but I ultimately nod. Eventually, I quietly mumble “I refuse to call that little shit ‘Captain’ though.”

Hange bursts into laughter, so uncontrollable that it starts to draw the attention of other people milling about. Once she collects herself, she says “I can’t wait to see you two interact more. You’re either going to be his favorite or he’s going to hate you with every fiber of his being.”

“That’s…reassuring,” I say wholly unconvinced.

Our tour around the barracks comes to a close at the mess hall just in time for dinner. I join Hange in line and continue to listen to her describing the quality of food. “It’s not the best but it’s not the worst either. They do what they can with what little resources they have. We don’t often get meat though so I hope you’re not strictly carnivorous,” Hange laughs at her own joke and I smile.

“Honestly, a hot meal that I don’t have to hunt or catch myself is a welcome change,” I lament.

“You said something similar about sleeping in a bed even though the dungeon beds leave much to be desired. If you hate living out there so much, why did you choose to live out there?” she ponders.

I smile again as food is added to our trays and we slide along. I don’t know what a lot of the items are so I just pick up all of the same things that Hange does. As we look for seats, I explain, “Well, truth be told this experience wasn’t exactly what I was anticipating. When I’ve lived on my own previously, I had the option to go into villages and I did so a few times a week.”

She sits down and I don’t pay much attention to our surroundings as I finish my story. “Sure, I was completely self-sufficient before but what I liked was that life seemed so simple. I did odd jobs for people, made art, and played music when I needed extra cash. I was expecting the same thing here but obviously that’s not what I got.”

Now that we’re sitting, I take my first bite and nod in contentment. Hange was right - it’s not great, but I’ve certainly had worse. It’s only now that I take a moment to look at the people near us and realize we’re being stared at. Before I can get too self conscious though, I notice the boy that I treated on the cart is sitting just up the table from us.

I grin, happy to see a familiar face, and I wave enthusiastically to him and say “Armin! It’s nice to see you again!” He seems embarrassed so I just turn back to keep talking to Hange.

We finish eating and she shows me where to return my tray before changing the subject. “Okay!” she says with a clap. “Now I just need to show you to your room!”

The surprise must have been evident on my face because she laughs again and says “What, you thought we were going to make you sleep on the ground?”

I snort and respond, “no, it’s not that. I honestly thought I’d stay in the cell or be put in some kind of communal housing. I’m surprised I get an actual room.”

The humor drops from her tone as she says, “we did consider that, but both for your safety and that of the other soldiers, we decided it was best to keep you on your own.” I let her words sink in and I nod knowingly before she continues. “Plus, your room is right between the Captain’s quarters and my lab, so we can keep an eye on you.” When she says this, she almost seems like she feels guilty for not trusting me.

We stop in front of a door and I turn to her, trying to reassure her. “Hey, I get it. You guys have been really accommodating as it is, I totally understand that you’ve gotta watch me. I’ve said it before, but in your shoes I know I certainly wouldn’t trust me either.” With that, her smile returns and she opens the door to an admittedly very small room.

Hange sheepishly says “it was converted from a storage closet so it’s-”

“It’s perfect,” I say with a smile, cutting her off before she says anything negative. “Whether it’s a closet or a cell or a blanket on the ground, I’m honestly just grateful that you didn’t opt to execute me.”

The backpack I took with me as I left the forest is sitting at the foot of the bed and there’s a small chest of drawers with a lamp on top. It’s not like I have a lot of things as it is, so this is more than enough. I open my bag and begin to put things away, and Hange’s voice cuts through my thoughts, “Even though your room is situated among the officers, you will still have to use the communal bathrooms and showers that the enlisted use. Sorry about that.”

I laugh, saying something similar to my previous responses, “I’ve been bathing in a river and rubbing flowers on myself so I don’t smell like a dead turtle seal. If it’s water and soap, I have no complaints.”

It seems like she has a question, but she just turns to walk out, only adding “I’m experimenting with Eren in the morning, so I’ll plan to see you just after lunch. Captain Levi and I want to test the extent of your abilities.” I nod and bid her a goodnight, hearing her mumble to herself as she closes the door, “what the hell is a turtle seal?”

When I wake up, I can barely make out what’s on the clock. I have no concept of time because my little closet doesn’t have a window so I flip on my light and instantly regret it. As my eyes adjust I see that I’ve missed breakfast so I decide to shower before I start my day. I fold my clean clothes over my arm and grab the towel and soap from the bottom drawer. As I walk towards the bathroom, I see what looks like a field of kids training.

Wow, Armin was right, most of them do look like they’re only about 15.

I shower quickly and peacefully, getting dressed before I step in front of the mirror to braid my hair. As I’m standing there, a girl with jet black hair walks in. I glance at her from the corner of my eye and recognize her as someone that was sitting with Armin the previous night. As I’m about to greet her, I realize that she’s merely glaring at me so I quickly decide against it. Walking back to my room I also realize how strange it would be to introduce myself to someone in a bathroom.

To kill a little bit of time, I go for a quick run to get my blood pumping for the day. It seems like everywhere I go people are staring at me.

This will be hard to get used to.

I cut my run off early when I came across Hange running an experiment with who I’m guessing is Eren. As I approach she spares me a glance before doing a quick double take.

“Are you wearing the same thing you wore yesterday?” she asks, now looking at Eren again.

I glance at my outfit before looking at her and blinking slowly. I answer with my own question, “you wear a uniform every day, does that mean they’re the same articles of clothes you wore the day before?”

“Touche, but you’re a civilian, why do you have more than one of the same thing?”

“Because I like it?” I say, a little perturbed. “It’s comfy, I can fight in it, and it’s all black so it’s good for concealing myself.”

“Okay, okay. I appreciate how early you are! Your enthus- wait! You are early right? I didn’t miss lunch again did I?!”

I chuckle a little, “relax, yes, I’m early. I was just going for a run before lunch. You didn’t miss anything.”

She heaves a noticeable sigh of relief and returns to her work. I decide to make myself comfortable and watch.

As I’m watching the scene unfold, I hear one of the only voices I’ve come to recognize.

“Oi! Y/n! If you’ve got time to sit you’ve got time to train,” Levi calls to me.

I sit up straighter, but I don’t look at him, afraid that if I do I’ll just lunge at him. I take a deep breath before I slowly turn to look at him. His expression is stoic as ever. I take one more calming breath before yelling back, “I train on my terms, remember? Plus, it’s almost lunch anyway.” I turn back to Hange and Eren and see him crawling out of the titan’s neck.

Holy shit, so there’s an actual person in there.

Once he’s been pulled out and the two start to head towards me, I offer the exhausted looking kid a smile.

“I’m Y/n, and you must be Eren.” I stick out my hand but his big green eyes only look at it before looking back at my face. Somewhat coldly, he says, “yeah, I know.”

Rather taken aback, I slowly lower my hand and opt to look straight ahead as I offer a weak apology, “sorry, I didn’t realize you don’t shake hands with people when you meet them for the first time here.”

“Oh no,” Hange quips and I turn to her. “We do, he’s just being rude.”

I open my mouth to say something but I’m too stunned for any words to come out. At least she told me the truth. I hear Eren mumble something about not being rude under his breath and I realize I recognize his voice too.

Before I can stop myself, the words come flying out, “Oh! You’re the kid that I could hear whining when you were in the woods the other day!” As soon as I say it, I want to suck the words back in but Hange laughs and, like a ghost, Levi seems to appear on the other side of Eren and snort too.

I can see the kid’s temper flare as he yells back at me “Oh yeah?! Well you’re the freak that uses magic bullshit to ‘heal’ people! I think it’s a crock of shit and I think you’re dangerous!”

I smile at his outburst as we enter the mess hall. The four of us get in line and I can see that he’s flustered by the fact that he didn’t get a rise out of me. I shrug and say, “Well, you’re at least partially right. I am dangerous, but I have no intention of harming you or anyone else here,” I wink at him as he stares blankly. “There’s nothing ‘magical’ about my waterbending though. I simply manipulate water the same way people have done for thousands of years.”

My dismissal seems to shut him up. I see that he grabs different items than Hange and so I try to copy him. When we sit down, Levi disappears again and this time some kids sit with us, I’m guessing friends of Eren. Armin sits directly across from me and I grin at him again.

Hange can’t sit quietly for long, so she starts in “you say people have been bending water for thousands of years? Who was the first water bender? How did people discover they could do it? How did the first people learn?”

I smile as I listen to her questions and take a bite of my meal.

Hm, I think I like Eren’s picks better than Hange’s. I’ll have to remember this.

I look up, about to start, when I see multiple pairs of eyes on me. I chuckle and begin answering Hange’s questions.

“Well, it’s kind of complicated. Each of the elements learned from what we all call the ‘original benders.’ For earth benders it was the badger moles, for fire benders the dragons, and for air benders it was the flying bison. Water bending is weird in that the original bender isn’t an animal but rather the moon. People learned to water bend by mimicking the push and pull of the tide and since this is controlled by the moon’s pull on the earth and the ocean, people were basically just copying the moon. For that reason, water bending is actually stronger at night and strongest during a full moon. Conversely, I lose the ability to bend at all during an eclipse.”

When I look back up, everyone looks at me confused. “Okay, which part was unclear? I can explain something better depending on what you don’t understand.”

Hange answers immediately, “Y/n, nothing you said made sense. It sounds like you were speaking a different language. Dragons aren’t real and what the hell is a ‘badger mole’ or a ‘flying bison?’ And once you explain that, do you mind telling us what a tide is?”

Before I can start, Armin excitedly speaks up, “A tide is the ocean water hitting land! I’ve read about it! Are you saying you’ve seen the sea?!” His childlike curiosity makes me grin again.

“Yeah, you’re exactly right. And yes, not only have I seen the sea, I’ve been swimming in it more times than I can count. I’m from the Northern Watertribe. It’s the farthest North you can go…or at least, that’s what people from my world think. We also think the Fire Nation is the farthest West you can go but I ended up here somehow so clearly we don’t know as much as we think we do.

“Anyway, badger moles are basically these big blind idiots that live underground. They use earth bending to feel their way around and it basically acts as their eyes. Flying bison are almost extinct, but the one that’s left belongs to my friend. His name is Appa and he’s probably as big as this room. He’s extremely fluffy and has six legs and a tail that can generate as much wind as a tornado.

“As for dragons, they definitely do exist. It was thought that they were hunted to extinction by firebenders at the beginning of the 100 year war but my friend Aang - the same person that owns Appa - encountered and learned from the last two dragons in the world.”

It seems like I’ve managed to mesmerize these kids and even Eren seems to have completely forgotten his anger towards me from moments ago.

With a slap of her legs, Hange declares, “Alright! Enough talking! Y/n, you ready to show us what you’ve got?”

And with that, we stand up and head to the training field.

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