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twig-tea · 4 months

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Lately I’ve been feeling like Thai bl is truly all over the place with so many shows airing at once and some of the best ones flying under the radar while discourse is focused on a couple of the big messy ones. I think you’re the only person I know who is actually watching ALL of them and has been here for the whole evolution of the genre, so I’m curious what stands out to you about this current moment. Do the shows feel different to you? Is the way fandom is interacting with them changing? And what are your current favs?

I ended up writing a thesis, sorry friend lol To be fair to me there are 3 questions in there, all of them meaty! I've done my best to give a sense of where I'm at with Thai BL and how it feels like it's changed over time.

Caveating all of this: I am just one fan who I'm sure has had specific experiences that will colour my opinion, also a lot of this is just vibes so I'm open to being told I've forgotten something major or misremembered what it was like! If you are reading this and your opinion or experience is different please share, with stuff like this I'm always interested in hearing about differing opinions because the fandom experience will depend at least partly on where you hang out. For years, my main fandom space for BL was the YouTube comments section (RIP me).

Overall feel

Honestly, things overall don't feel all that different to me in Thai BL in particular, even though I'm about to talk about a lot of changes and ways it actuallyd does feel very different below lol And after reflecting about it, I think it's because these things still feel very much in flux, in a way that they've felt in flux this entire time. Producers are still figuring out the best funding and distribution models and merch models to make money; creators are still calibrating how queer these shows can be and still be popular; actors are still figuring out how to do BGP (business gay performances) without having fans interfere in their private lives off the clock. Writers are still trying to figure out how to write 12-episode arcs that don't drag in the middle or fumble the ending (which is also not new). The tension between established ships, fan expectations, and genre requirements has honestly been there almost the whole time, though the reverberations of missteps is louder now because of the larger fanbase that is (comparatively) more plugged in to live viewing. The core question in BL has always been 'how do we make this marketable', and that unsurprisingly hasn't changed, though the answer to that question has over time, if that makes sense?

Shows

Do the shows feel different? As a whole, I'd say yes. The biggest differences are of course total quantity and overall quality, but the actual distribution of % of shows that have high(er) production values (i.e. quality) feels close to the same--it was close to 50/50 in the late 2010s and now is maybe more like 40/60 with a higher percentage coming from more smaller production companies. But the numbers we're talking about are something like 15 shows in e.g. 2018 and something more like 50 shows in 2023 (being vague because there are shows that people could argue over whether they should count). The quality overall has increased, even the pulps look better, sound better, and tend to feel a little bit more put together than the pulps of even 2020 (please note that these are all relative qualifiers, most of these shows are still not objectively good). 2020 in particular was a watershed moment for high production value BLs; we get colorists and special effects artists, and sometimes decent sound production now!

There has also been an improvement in terms of what is depicted and how certain subject matter is treated very generally, though I think that's still in flux. Things like evil ex girlfriends are less common than they were and the women in BL are more likely (in general, still not always) to be treated as realized characters. We've gotten more and better femme representation in ensemble shows, and the "gay for you" trope is much less common. Consent is now considered sexy and is much more common than it was; non-consent as "sexy" has eroded and is much less common. Things that used to happen in almost every BL now happen in a much lower percentage. I also feel a little bit less worried about some of the actors on pulp sets because there is more general scrutiny about things like minor actors, intimacy coordination, BGP (business gay performance) expectations, and sexual exploitation. Overall, show recommendations these days come with fewer caveats.

The assumption that if you worked with someone on a BL once you would stay with them as an established pairing was surprisingly early in BL; I don't know if it's just because there were a few shows that had side pairings then get main shows, so the actors did work together on a few shows in a row, which made them feel established, or whether it's because the BGP started early to build hype both before and after shows aired, or whether audiences just made homophobic assumptions about how if two actors had chemistry they had to be gay for each other, and otherwise nobody would want to "play gay" more than once, or would want to have to kiss too many other men....in any case, there were huge scandals and blow-ups around this in BL on even the earliest shows, and some early shows were snubbed because of the pairing alone. Similarly, it was established very early in BL (i.e. 2016-17) that an unhappy ending for a pair would result in your show being panned; cheating was also a guaranteed flop in BL circles (though some ensemble shows that had gay relationships in them such as Friend Zone did fine with cheating plots and unhappy endings). Overall it feels like some things were only depicted in early Thai BL and creators have avoided them since due to the audience reception at the time. I will say, generally, that there have now been enough examples of people in a "branded pair" moving on to a new pair or multiple shows, that it feels less like a death knell to a BL career if one of the actors says they no longer wanted to make BLs, or if they switched companies.

I pay a lot of attention to queerness in BL, and that has changed a little bit too, though not in the way I expected. I had been expecting a more clear and steady trajectory in BL, but we've instead had real swings, and I've realized there will just always be shows that feel more or less actually gay or queer than others, and that's ok. Early Thai shows really spoiled us for good queer content, GayOK Bangkok and Diary of Tootsies are still shows by which i measure what we get now, and both of those are from 2016. I would say that more "mainstream" BL (i.e. by one of the major production companies) hit what turned out to be queer saturation around 2020 and that's where I was most surprised not see a more clear trajectory; rather than things getting more queer from there, I'd say a greater percentage of shows overall feel more queer, but we haven't (and I now suspect won't) reach the queerness we had in Thai tv in 2016. That being said, my secret running list of things I want to see in BL gets shorter every year as entries get crossed off, so I would say the range of queer experience is slowly getting captured as more content continues to be made by a wider range of production houses (PrEP being mentioned in a mainstream show is my white whale).

I know some people assume that shows are higher heat now overall, but I don't think that's true. I do think Thai television producers and directors have overalll gotten better at capturing sensuality, and acting workshops have improved chemistry-building overall too. But from what I can tell the ratio of high head and low heat content is still pretty similar to what it's always been, maybe slightly higher (e.g. at a quick glance I'd guesstimate 30% of shows had a sex scene in 2018 vs 40% in 2023).

Fandom

The main differences in fandom from the really early days and now are the ways we, as international fans, are able to engage with each other, with thai audiences at the same time, and with content creators, and the entitlement that comes with that. In the 2010s we were almost always watching after Thai airing, with either fansubs or, later, official subs, trailing online releases by days or weeks, which themselves may have trailed the Thailand airing date by days or weeks or sometimes even months. That became less true around 2019ish, and especially in 2020 when I think Thai producers were desperate to reach audiences during the start of the pandemic (and when audiences were desperate for something to distract us from what was happening in real life).

As a fan in the mid-late 2010s, watching something was either unofficial via a fansubber, or you were wading through hundreds of Thai comments to find anyone else writing about the shows in English. Now, it's actually rare we don't have immediate international distribution, though it may be paid. If the subs are not up at the same time as the official upload, even on free sites, fans get furious. It's a bit surreal to see people complain about waiting a few hours for subtitles, especially on YouTube, when we sometimes waited months for a series to finish being subbed (not to say people didn't complain back then too, because they sure did! But there were fewer international fans overall, and it wasn't an expectation that there would be subs, so fewer people complained when it happened). This meant that a lot of people only watched shows when they were complete, and people were not watching with any kind of synchronicity.

With international fans moving into simultaneous watching with Thai audiences, we suddenly had the chance to talk about shows as they were airing and affect the conversations about them and even, sometimes, the decisions. Folks seem to have differing opinions about what makes a BL, and what makes a BL good, and they are vocal about when a show doesn't meet their standard. This has always been true, but the strong opinions have more of an effect on the discourse when they're expressed in real-time to the show being aired. Also, when we have literally 3x the number of Thai shows being aired (nevermind other countries which have also increased), it seems so much more egregious to me to complain if a single show doesn't meet your particular taste. Just go watch something else! That was less possible in 2016, but now nobody has any excuse lol Please note here that I'm not saying shows should not be criticized. But when you have one loud faction saying shows should have nothing but innocent kisses if any skinship at all and showing more is distasteful and possibly homophobic, and another faction saying a show should be panned if they don't have at least one sex scene and if there is no good kiss it's homophobic, I don't know where that leaves content creators but I see the tension and how it sometimes results in my least favourite tropes like "blushing maiden" even after a couple has canonically had sex. These factions have always existed in BL fandom, this is not new, they just both seem particularly silly now with so much content to choose from.

The shows that get attention and the shows that get snubbed feel the same too, in all honesty. You can ask yourself the following questions:

Is the show a little slower paced?

Are the story beats less melodramatic?

Do its characters feel more human?

Do they feel more queer?

Is it a comedy?

Is there any risk of an unhappy ending?

Do people not think one of the lead actors is hot?

Do people ship one of the lead actors with someone who isn't his costar?

Do people have to do anything other than go to YouTube to watch it?

If the answer is yes to any of those questions, and especially to the last one, fewer people will be watching, even if the show is good. That's always been true. [Shows I'm thinking about when I say that: Make it Right, He's Coming to Me, My Ride, You're My Sky, Oxygen (though the sides in this one are also at fault), YYY, Something in my Room, Ghost Host Ghost House, Dear Doctor I'm Coming for Soul, Cooking Crush.] All this is to say, there have always been shows that have been ignored, though I agree with you OP that with more shows airing, more are being ignored at any given time.

The other thing is that when a show is good, it doesn't necessarily invite discourse. The messes are often what encourage people to dig in, fill in gaps, linger in the adrenaline. The part that does feel different is also related to the increase in genre BLs; genre stuff in general tends to get more attention in fandom spaces, and the way people are functioning as fans feels different in that they're bringing the way they interact with genre content to BL as BL has started having larger and better funded genre content. I'm thinking about those early genre BLs like He She It, My Dream, Love Poison, Golden Blood, So Much In Love, Why R U....we started getting genre shows in BL in I think 2017 and basically had 1-2 a year until 2020ish and then it increased from there; and the ones that had funding and decent distribution got engagement until they started going off the rails, and then they had even more engagement and then fell off. I don't think it's a coincidence that the shows last year that got people to write meta were La Pluie, Be My Favorite, and I Feel You Linger in the Air. When a show is building a world, there's more to say and interrogate about it, and when a genre show fails, it can fail more spectacularly than a regular romance story. The most popular BL shows used to all be straight-up BL bubble romances, but I think genre shows really started to take over a greater percentage of the popular spots in 2022 and 2023. Again, the main difference here is that there used to be 1-2 stand-out shows per year, and now there are closer to 6+ per year, and as we got more stand-out shows the variety of what type of show stood out as popular has expanded. I do think the overall percentage of shows that are more standard romance plots has reduced, partly because Thai production companies are running out of popular y-novels to adapt. So I'm anticipating we'll continue to get more genre content going forward, and maybe a higher percentage of original works too.

Shows I'm Enjoying Right Now

Right now, the Thai shows airing that I'm watching are:

Cooking Crush

Dead Friend Forever

Cherry Magic Thailand

City of Stars

The Sign

Playboyy

PitBabe

7 Days before Valentine

For Him

Of those, I'd currently most recommend Cooking Crush as a generic BL recommendation. Dead Friend Forever is very good, but is not a romance and is difficult for some to watch (there are a lot of dark themes in addition to the gore and scary bits).

Cooking Crush is doing so many things I love. I've written about the way it's set up its major conflict to be amongst the friend group here, and way the show is depicting communication between the two main characters and how they improve their communication with one another as they get closer here. Two of my biggest BL pet peeves are a conflict for the sake of a dramatic penultimate episode that ignores or retcons a character's growth or the building of trust that a couple has already gone through in the series, so the fact that this show is working so hard to establish strong communication between its leads and then setting up the significant drama to actually about friendship rather than romance is something I cannot overstate my excitement about. To tie this back into what I wrote above, this reminds me of Diary of Tootsies and I mean that in the best possible way.

Dead Friend Foreever is, like I mentioned above, not a romance; it's a slasher horror melodrama with a very well established mystery, an ensemble cast of mostly hateable characters (which I admit isn't usually my thing, but since they're likely all going to die as a result of the genre they're in I'm finding that more tolerable than usual, and there is at least one character I like). DFF did a great job of structuring the story for the ultimate payoff of information reveals. There are a lot of shows that have been messing with non-linear storytelling recently, Cooking Crush being one of the ones that actually does this poorly in my opinion, but Dead Friend Forever effectively uses non-linear storytelling so that we find out important pieces of information about particular characters at a time when that information will have the most emotional impact on what is happening in the "present" of the storyline. Every time there is a reveal, it informs what we've already seen, recontextualizes it, and means we understand some of the character motivations and actions differently from when we saw them the first time. I mentioned above that there are dark themes in this show; one of the things that I really like about this show is that the impact of class is not glossed over, and that the consequences of these events feel very real for the characters; people do terrible things in this show, but these actions are not treated lightly by the show itself.

You'd think these two shows would have nothing in common, but there are things that they share that put them both in my top category. Generally, in both of these shows, the character arcs are clear and logical; when a character does something, even if I don't like the action itself, I can understand exactly why they that and can see how it matches where they are in their arc at the time. The shows show change in characters as a result of what they experience, and the relationships in this show really matter. When characters start acting in ways that feel out of character or against their own arc because they have to in order to drive the plot forward, I struggle to remain invested; that's not happening with either of these shows. Both of these shows also treat serious topics with seriousness, and consequences for actions are real and felt by the characters in the show (and if someone gets away with something, the show is clear that this is not just). Nothing has happened that hasn't been signalled or implied earlier. Both shows also have clear class consciousness and represent the disparity caused by classism in a critical/harsh light.

Whew! I think I got to everything you asked. Thanks again for the extremely interesting question!

#ask game #bl meta #long post #typed so that I can stop thinking it #fandom meta #multi bl #thank you for the ask!

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another-goblin · 2 months

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2.1 Spoilers

I have two versions of how Aventurine and Ratio planned that "betrayal." As always, I might be missing something, so please feel free to comment.

1. They planned everything, including the "betrayal", beforehand. They probably didn't expect Sunday to mess with Aventurine's head, though. And Ratio was so convincing that Aventurine, in his confused state of mind, started to doubt whether or not the betrayal was actually real. Ratio anticipated it, so he had that note prepared.

2. The second version: I don't think it's the intended interpretation, but it's much more interesting in my opinion. They didn't expect Aventurine's stuff to get confiscated. He managed to crush his stone and hide it among the common gems before that. But from now on, they weren't able to discuss their plans openly because their every word was being monitored. They were able to devise that entire "betrayal" thing with just hints and implicit understanding.

It's something akin to a conspiracy theory on my side. But I think it's fun to try and reinterpret all their dialogs with that idea in mind. Them trying to secretly communicate their new plans and, at the same time, reassure each other of their mutual trust. While portraying the picture of a disfunctioning crubmling team.

From their scene in 2.0, it's "We still trust each other, right? Do you have a plan? no? I know how crucially important these stones are for you, so I'll go and try to do something" on Ratio's side.

And in 2.1, his joke about "Maybe I do intend to betray you, haha," meaning "I will "betray" you, be prepared," and later "I'm still a manager of this mission," meaning "I know what I'm doing, we are still a team, I'm on your side, carry on."

(I don't remember their dialogs that well, though. I don't have time to rewatch the whole mission to listen to their dialogs again. Is there an option to just read dialogs later, like in Genshin?)

It feels like Ratio took the lead as always, while Aventurine was running around planning his own demise. And it shows Ratio's respect for Aventurine's intelligence. "I trust you are smart enough to understand what I mean without me explaining it explicitly."

But imagine what was going on in poor Aven's boiling brain. "Everything went wrong *panic mode* Ratio is trying to tell me something. I think we have a new plan. Or is he just manipulating me? Are we still together on one side? Or is it just my wishful thinking?"

3. Not the third version, I'm just curious what their overall plan was.

Topaz and Jade said something like "The stones are in place, so let's begin." So it feels like Aven's task from IPC was to just deliver the stones to Penacony (and maybe gather some intel).

So him crushing and later retrieving his stone, and all that happened next was his personal affair. Why would Ratio help him with that?

He probably recognized that spiraling into the depths of despair and self-destruction and going through this dark cathartic experience was the only way for Aven to (hopefully) appear on the other side, a happier and freer man.

Also, I've got the idea that crushing his stone is irreversible. You can't glue it back together. I think Topaz or Jade said in the end something like "We can't detect the aventurine stone anymore, you know what it means" (what exactly does it mean though? that he's dead? Is he free from IPC now?)

#honkai star rail #my stuff #dr ratio #aventurine #hsr spoilers #hsr 2.1 spoilers #hsr 2.1

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rongzhi · 4 months

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Hi! I studied mandarin in high school and college and I've completely lost all of it but I've been really enjoying walking backwards through your translations and learning more casual mandarin (the classes i took between 2006 and 2012 still used 那里那里). I wanted to ask why you chose "the you [that does X]" for "这个的你." I've never heard that turn of phrase in English before (that doesn't mean it doesn't exist ofc maybe just less common), but I'm curious how it's different from something like "this version of you [that does X]." If you don't answer TL questions no worries!!

Hmmmmm It just seemed like the cleanest way to translate the sentence to me lol. I didn’t think anything too strange of the English phrasing, but then again, my grasp of English grammar peaked when I was like 15 and has been in steady decline (I'm in my grammar remix era) ever since lol.

The Chinese sentence was:

猫上辈子可能是集装箱，但是发现这个的你，上辈子一定是个起重机

Literal (~word for word):

Cat last life possibly is/was shipping container, but discover this [’s] you, last life definitely is/was a crane

My translation:

The cat may have been a shipping container in a past life, but the you who discovered this was definitely a crane before

If anything, the thing that I recall debating when translating was whether or not use "before" or repeat "in a past life", which would have been more accurate but, in my opinion, more repetitive in English in a way that it doesn't come across in Chinese.

"The you who discovered this" is pretty much the direct translation of 发现这个的你, and preserves the spirit of the original syntax.

I suppose if I wanted to translate the Chinese in an alternative way, without "the you who discovered this", it would've just been:

The cat may have been a shipping container in past life, but that you were able to discover this means that in a past life, you were definitely a crane

But the above loses some of the whimsy of the original comment, which is why I would not have gone with it, if that makes sense!

#text #answered ask #language ask

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pongnosis · 2 months

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ponggggggg bestie do you think yassen names his guns. DO YOU THINK ROSS NAMES HIS KNIVES. i think yassen would be a little averse to the whole naming thing considering hunter told him not to refer to his victims by names because it made them human. i feel like he would internalize that and think of his guns as mere weapons, as convenience, as tools and nothing more but still i'm sort of curious because some part of me also thinks he could name them. idk. he was petty enough to become an assassin just to spite him and the fact that he has a fav gun??? [it was a beretta right?] but this is also somewhat a useful tip. idkkkk im sleepy and feeling rambly and im making it your problem. also i bet gordon gives them the goofiest or the most poetic names. no in between. man's got a sense of humour but also has that shitton of history ping-ponging [heh] around in his head. anyways i think i'll go & try to catch some sleep. byeee <3

I think the only sentimental thing Yassen might have is the Fer de Lance, and that's one hundred percent headcanon, given that she might as well be a charter (or SCORPIA-owned) based on the information we got on her in Eagle Strike (look, I like ships, don't ship-shame!). I just really like the idea of Yassen having one thing that is his, and the unwelcoming looks of her, the tinted glass in the windows, and the name all seem like something he'd like. Everything else, especially his weapons, I think he has a very pragmatic approach to. They're something to be used and discarded if necessary, chosen based on the needs of the operation, and little else.

… except the Grach. I HAVE OPINIONS ON THIS ONE.

So. SO. Eagle Strike, page 49 in my version (Walker Books 2015 edition, from the box set, so who knows what the line originally said, but I've only ever seen the Grach referenced in fandom): "The gun was a Grach MP-443, black, with a short muzzle and a ribbed stock. It was Russian, of course, new army issue."

This is yet another enty in "Why Timelines Are, Like, Vibes Man", the ongoing saga by Ahorz.

The Grach MP-443 (wiki link) was developed in the nineties but didn't enter service until 2003, and while it was adopted as the standard sidearm, this did by no means happen immediately. It took YEARS for mass production to really start. For years after, there were - and still are - other Russian guns that were in far more common use and much easier to get a hold of for Yassen, who would presumably want to replace his gun fairly regularly to avoid inconvenient evidence.

Ignoring the timeline issue of exactly what year the books are set in (and whether the Grach was even in actual production by then), it seems like a very deliberate choice by Yassen. The Grach is not the best gun out there. It's not the most reliable, not the easiest one to find, not the most common (and more anonymous). It was, however, the new standard sidearm for the Russian military - the country that took everything from Yassen - and going out of his way to choose a weapon that most of the Russian military still hadn't been issued, one after the other to discard of when they became evidence, seems just like the sort of deliberately petty move he would like. A subtle 'fuck you' to his former home.

ALSO. I agree, Ross absolutely names his favourite knives. He'll rant about the bad ones if you get him going, but his favourite, most perfect knives, those get the adoring names. He's so the type to have an original V-42 stiletto in beautiful condition that he's named Rose.

#alex rider #headcanons

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laineystein · 5 months

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I am genuinely curious - what is your opinion on practicing streams of Judaism? (Orthodox vs conservative vs reform vs Reconstructionist). I’m aware there are Israelis have the opinion that diaspora Jews- especially Americans, are Jew(ish), and not necessarily Jewish, if that makes sense? I know there are asshats that get quite nasty towards Israelis and I find that to be disgusting.

Me personally, I always found that to be very hurtful. I’m American, grew up Reform. In the sanctuary part of the Temple, we had two flags positioned on each corner of the sanctuary in the front: one was American, one was Israeli. My Rabbi, my Cantor, and my Sunday school teachers raised us to believe Israelis are distant cousins. Different but similar ideas, customs etc, but all part of the same family. So when 10/07 happened I (like many diaspora Jewish people), were shaken to the core.

And no matter what my personal issues are about the process of the military operation, and Bibi and his govt, I wish and hope everyone stays as safe as they can be while trying to get the hostages out and destroy Hamas.

So I was just wondering what your thoughts are about the clashes between the different streams of practice. I always feel that now is not the time to argue about who is or isn’t more Jewish. We are all feeling the after effects of what Hamas did, and the anti semitism that it has sparked. Once we have peace, then people can debate and bicker if they wish (but I really hope less of us do that). ♥️

So I contemplated how (or if) I’d answer this because I really think Am Yisrael needs ahavas chinam right now and I don’t want to do anything to promote sinas chinam. But I think you can disagree with something and still respect it and show love for your fellow Jews who may practice differently than you do and I think that *is* Ahavas chinam.

So I’d just ask that just as I’m affording respect to others who are different that people respect my view points as well.

So here we go…

A Jew is a Jew is a Jew. Even antizionist Jews, those are still Jews. Even atheist Jews, those are still Jews. I do believe in matrilineal inheritance of Judaism but I’m not going to treat someone differently if their father is their only Jewish parent and they were raised Jewish. It is not my place to say who is Jewish and who is not; I can have my viewpoints but ultimately I am not a Rav.

I was raised orthodox. I didn’t meet a “reform” Jew until med school (which was the first time I ever went to school with goyim) — the denominations you’re referring to are mostly western constructs. There are a few reform shuls in Israel but they’re not as common as they are in America. I am going to be very honest with you and share that many reform practices make me incredibly uncomfortable. Do I think that people that practice them are any less Jewish? Absolutely not.

As someone who spent half of their life in the diaspora (albeit in very Jewish communities with little contact with goyim) I absolutely do not subscribe to any belief that diaspora Jews are any less Jewish. That’s abhorrent. I don’t personally know any Israelis that believe that but I’m sure they exist. All Jews, regardless of their location, are valid.

I will say that it is interesting to me to hear that your teachers referred to Israelis as “distant cousins” - all of am Yisrael is a single tribe. I would only ever refer to a fellow Jew as a brother or sister regardless of whether or not they lived in Israel or the diaspora. It seems there might be some anti-Israel bias in that teaching, which is unfortunate. And it’s amusing because your question insinuates that Orthodox Jews and Israelis are less accepting of reform Jews and diasporic Jews and that’s interesting to hear because my experience has always been the exact opposite.

But in Israel we have similar issues where our religious communities spar with our less observant communities. It was very apparent in our most recent elections and the protests that followed. I find myself existing in both communities and it can be challenging sometimes. Some of my secular friends do have negative attitudes toward more frum communities. Those same frum communities may look down on my more secular friends. Because I do and always have existed in both groups I see both sides. I think both of these black and white attitudes are a chillul hashem and will get us nowhere.

But bottom line, how a Jew lives their life and their relationship with Hashem is none of my business. You do you; Jew do Jew.

(This was kind of all over the place and there’s a lot of tangents I actually *didn’t* go down believe it or not so if you want some clarification, feel free to ask. Or you can DM me and I’m happy to chat about it that way too.)

#lainey things #ask things #Jew things #this was a doozy

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raspberryfingers · 1 year

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A Lion in the Garden -Tywin Lannister x Reader- (Part 18)

WARNING: Miscarriage, blood

Just a small note ahead of time, because I know that miscarriages are a sensitive subject. They are so common, and it’s something I wanted to touch upon, because they’re often ignored in media despite that. Becoming a mother isn’t always immediate, or easy for that matter, and I feel it’s important to acknowledge that. This is especially true in the GOT universe where it likely would’ve happened much more often. However, given that it is sensitive, please do not feel compelled to read this chapter if you think it will in any way, shape, or form be triggering for you. You will still be able to read the next chapter without any confusion if you decide to skip this one, so please keep that in mind. —————

“So you’re the high sparrow then?”

The man sitting before me in the cells was absolutely filthy, and if I was honest, did not appear to be much of a leader.

“That is what they call me, yes,” he said, giving a gentle smile. I nodded, glancing at Ser Elias and motioning for him to wait outside the door while I spoke to the man.

“Based on your dress, I’m going to assume that you’re (Y/N) Tyrell,” he said, watching me sit down on a small stool that I’d brought with me. I normally wouldn’t have cared, but Tywin had gifted me this dress, and I didn’t want to ruin it.

“And why couldn’t I be Margaery?” I questioned, crossing my legs and placing my hands in my lap.

“The dress is cream with red roses and gold details,” he observed, making me raise an eyebrow.

“Yes it is, why does that matter?”

“I should think you of all people would be familiar with the rumors that you and Tywin Lannister are romantically involved,” he said with a slight laugh, causing me to be slightly irritated. I decided it was best to ignore him.

“The reason I’m here, your holiness, is because I’m curious. What kind of man creates a group willing to parade people through the streets naked?” I questioned, leaning forward as I looked down at him.

“A reasonable one, I’d like to think.”

“Or one who craves power given to him through fear.”

“Fear?”

“Forcing someone who indulges and commits what you believe to be ‘sins’ to walk the city naked creates fear,” I said, watching him smile and shake his head.

“It is not to create any sort of fear, Lady (Y/N). It is to repent for the sin,” he tried to excuse, making me scoff at the man’s sheer audacity.

“If you truly believed in repentance, I should think you would try to help people find a better lifestyle naturally, by removing that action from their life. Not by humiliating them,” I replied, watching him think of a reply.

“It is how the gods made us.”

“And yet even you do not walk naked, high sparrow. Whether you believe it or not, your motive is to inspire fear.”

“You disapprove quite adamantly. I wonder if there’s a reason for that,” he said suggestively, implying that perhaps I only disliked it because I was afraid of being forced to do it myself. I began to laugh.

“No, no, it’s not that. The last thing parading me naked would do is inspire fear. The reason I disapprove is because I feel it fundamentally goes against morality. If the gods are so just, why don’t you trust them to punish those that deserve it in their own time?” I questioned, wondering if perhaps behind all the nonsense there was a sliver of reason.

“We merely try to help them find a better path sooner rather than later.”

“And who are you to determine what that better path is? Plenty of ‘sinners’ lead much better lives, much kinder lives than those who claim to be devout and religious,” I said with a scoff, knowing that faith and opinion often became one.

“You’re correct, I won’t deny it. But there are also all those in between.”

“Care to list any examples, your holiness?”

“Homosexuality, for example. It is an insult to the way the gods made us,” he said rather quickly, picking up on the way my eye twitched. I was certain he knew that targeting Loras was inevitably going to rile me up.

“The way the gods made us? If they hadn’t wanted it, they wouldn’t even have given us the thought. Unless you would admit that the gods make mistakes, then they’ve created many of us with different preferences than others.”

“A preference? No. It is a disease, my lady. One we must root out.”

“I cannot say I agree, high sparrow. If you asked every man alive who his ideal woman was, very few would give the same answer. In that sense, there are some men who would not like a woman at all. I’ve had this discussion before with another, though it was not so tedious as this.”

The high sparrow scoffed and shook his head, smiling to himself.

“Well, even if homosexuality weren’t a sin, intercourse out of marriage most certainly is. That is why the high septon was punished, as he of all people should know that,” he claimed, hands folded in his lap. It was an odd stance, and quite calm for a man who would get his head cut off in less than an hour.

“The high septon was in a brothel. If you beat and stripped every man in the city who’d ever gone to a brothel or had intercourse out of marriage there wouldn’t be a single person with clothes on,” I said, beginning to laugh.

“And that includes Tywin Lannister, doesn’t it?” He asked with a grin, trying to find a weakness perhaps. No, I would not let him use it against me.

“Yes, it certainly does. I’m not going to deny it, Lord Tywin and I have been sleeping together for quite some time now. I don’t regret it, and I don’t believe it’s a sin,” I said simply, watching the man’s face twist in surprise.

“You don’t believe it’s a sin?”

“No, why would it be? As you said, the gods gave us our bodies, and with them they gave us pleasure,” I said with a smile, finding it ridiculous that so many people often made such a fuss about sex as if it wasn’t something all of us enjoyed.

“The purpose of it is to show our loyalty and devotion to them by resisting the urge until marriage,” he replied, somewhat annoyed by my perspective.

“We show our loyalty and devotion by praying and building great septs and grand churches. What kind of ‘just’ gods would purposely give us something to fail at? I think we ought to enjoy the lives they’ve given us and do our best to be good people,” I explained, wondering if he could at least agree with the last sentiment.

“You are at least correct in that. It’s important to love everyone around you equally, even those that might be deemed as ‘below’ you,” he remarked with a gentle grin. I knew what he was suggesting, however.

“I know you believe all nobles to be selfish and unaware, and I won’t deny that most of us certainly are. I won’t even deny that I myself have recoiled at the poor. This doesn’t mean that I don’t care for them, though. What I do politically is, after my own family’s benefit, for the realm. Why do you think I ended the war with Robb Stark? We easily could’ve crushed him, yet I met with him because I knew it would restore general peace and allow thousands of men to return home to their families. I’ve also been ensuring that the Tyrell lands feed this city, lest you forget,” I told him, not liking to be accused falsely. I would own up for my flaws, but I would not accept lies.

“You manage those funds? Not your grandmother or father?” He questioned, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“I’ve begun to, yes. Once my father is dead, I’m to show Loras how to do it. My grandmother would prefer I handle things until that day comes, however,” I said, watching him nod.

“Quite impressive of you. The Nightshade of the Garden is very well rounded, isn’t she?”

“Yes, she is. Thank you for speaking with me, high sparrow. It has been interesting to speak with you,” I said, feeling quite done with the man.

“Of course, Lady (Y/N). Seven blessings to you.”

“And to you. I hope you’ll give the gods my regard,” I said with a slight smile. It was both sarcastic and genuine, somehow.

He gave me a nod, and I left the cell slightly irked. There was something strange about the man, as he made such repulsive and unfortunate remarks so calmly and happily. I had no doubt in my mind that my family would’ve been targeted had Tywin not had him arrested so immediately, and suddenly I was glad that he had done so.

Seven blessings to the high sparrow, indeed.

—————

Tywin had been right, the people of king's landing had cheered when the high sparrow’s head detached from his body.

The end of his short reign, if one should even call it that. I was glad it hadn’t grown into anything serious, and I was glad Tywin had handled it effectively.

So long as it kept my siblings safe, I didn’t care what it took. And speaking of which, I was currently on my way to go see Margaery.

I’d had dinner with her upon my return, but it had been more than a week since then, and now that I’d had the stitches taken out of my wound I was a bit more free to move around.

Ser Elias had offered to escort me, but I was certain it was fine. I was grateful I had kept the cane from about a year and a half ago.

Gods, had it really been that long since the battle of Blackwater?

I reached Margaery’s room, knocking on the door. There was no response, and I found it rather odd. She always came back to her room after lunch.

I reached for the door handle, and finding that it was open, I slowly pushed it open.

I found her laying on her bed, eyes shut but breathing fast enough that I could tell she was awake.

“Are you alright, Margaery?” I asked, closing the door behind me. She opened her eyes and sighed.

“I’ve been feeling somewhat ill all day. I was hoping to get a bit of sleep, but I haven’t been able to,” she said, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

I nodded, sitting down in one of the chairs by her table.

“What are you feeling?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t anything serious. An odd look passed over her face, almost as if she herself was trying to figure something out.

“I’m a bit tired and nauseous. There’s pain in my lower back, too, but I imagine I just slept oddly,” she reasoned, which made decent enough sense to me.

“Well, I hope it goes away,” I said, pouring myself a glass of wine. She nodded and sighed again, clearly uncomfortable.

“The high sparrow was beheaded this morning, wasn’t he?” She questioned, looking over at me as I looked around the room. It felt messier than usual.

“Yes, he was. I spoke with him beforehand, too. He was quite opinionated, even if there was certainly a lack of logic in it,” I said with a soft laugh, making Margaery shake her head.

“People like that always make me so nervous. They can’t be convinced no matter what you tell them,” she said with a scoff.

“No, they certainly can’t. He and I certainly had quite the debate,” I told her, fidgeting with part of my dress. Margaery inhaled sharply, looking as if she might throw up, but then returned to normal a few moments later.

“Apologies, what did you two debate?” She asked, coming back to herself again.

“He tried to prod about homosexuality, which of course was a dig at Loras. I didn’t let that stand, however, so his next insult was about sex out of marriage. He seemed to think that Lord Tywin and I were having intimate relations too,” I said, making Margaery laugh softly.

“The gods always know the truth, (Y/N). I don’t know why you still deny it.”

“It’s not the truth. Gods forbid the people of King's Landing see a man and a woman interact with each other in a way that isn’t romantic,” I pretended, knowing damn well the people of King's Landing had been correct about Tywin and I before we even knew it.

“Of course, that’s what it is, you-“ Margaery smiled and began to tease, but suddenly ceased to speak, and I watched her press her hands into her abdomen.

“Margaery?” I asked, rising from my chair and moving over to her. She didn’t look well. She gripped onto my arm then, and I reached under her.

“Let’s get you to a maester, hm? I’m certain it’s nothing,” I said, trying to reassure her. She nodded, and I helped her up.

We made it halfway across the room, and then I felt the strength fade from her arms. She fell to the floor, one hand clutching the cold stone and the other on her stomach.

“(Y/N)… h-help,” she gasped out, making my eyes widened. I had no idea what was happening, let alone what to do.

I got down beside her, placing a hand on her back and trying to figure out what was going on.

“What hurts, Margaery? Where?” I questioned, watching as she clutched her lower stomach and began to cry.

“Are you menstruating? You get quite bad cramps sometimes,” I reasoned, recalling all the times the maesters had given her milk of the poppy growing up.

“N-No, I’m not,” she said quietly, still trying to handle all the pain.

“You’re certain?”

“Yes! I’m pregnant,” she gasped out, making my eyes go wide.

Pregnant?

Who was I kidding, of course she was pregnant. I knew my grandmother had given her a talk about striking quickly and cementing herself as queen, but I just… I didn’t quite expect it.

Nothing ever could have prepared me to see my sister get married and have kids. In my head she was always just my younger sister, someone to protect and comfort. It was easy to forget that she was advancing in her life much faster than I was.

With all that aside, though, I wracked my brain trying to figure out what could be happening if it wasn’t menstrual cramps.

Just then, I saw blood begin to emerge from under her skirt, and it all clicked in my head.

Oh gods.

When I looked over at Margaery, she had a numb look on her face for a moment, and then she began to sob.

“Y-(Y/N)… help, help me. My baby… my baby,” she cried out, still desperately holding her abdomen. I was beginning to panic, I had not a single clue what to do when a woman was having a miscarriage.

“I need to get a maester, Margaery. I’m going to get a maester,” I whispered, and she shook her head vehemently.

“No! N-No… I don’t want people to know… they can’t know,” she sobbed. My heart broke. I didn’t want to imagine what kind of gossip would circulate if people were to find out.

“Well I need to go get someone… I need to find someone. My chambermaid, she’ll know… she’ll know what to do,” I said, trying to reassure myself just as much as I was trying to reassure Margaery.

“Stay… stay, please,” Margaery cried, holding onto me. I pressed her face into my chest as she wept, and I tried to rock her back and forth. I was still shaking.

“I’m so sorry, Margaery, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, wishing I could’ve known sooner. Maybe there was something we could’ve done. Deep down I knew the answer to that, though.

All she could do was sob into my arms, and I found myself petting her hair. My sister was having a miscarriage and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

My, the gods were so cruel.

I felt my heart sink. Was this my punishment for challenging the high sparrow?

I buried my face in Margaery’s hair, kissing her head and trying to soothe her as her sobs grew louder.

I was trying to create a plan. I needed to find Cerella, she would know how to help Margaery physically and make certain nothing else was wrong.

But I also needed to clean up all the blood from the floor, and I had no idea where to start.

“Margaery, can you stand? I want to get you to the bed, sweetie,” I whispered, wrapping my arms all the way around her. Slowly, I helped her rise, grabbing at her skirts so they wouldn’t get even bloodier than they already were. The pain in my thigh was horrible, but I ignored it completely. There were more important matters now.

I helped her to lay down on the bed, letting her clutch a pillow for comfort. I then ran to the door, opening it just enough to stick my head out.

Instantly, I found two maids chatting with each other as they walked about the halls.

“Ladies! I need urgent help, please. Can one of you find Cerella and the other fetch a bucket of water? It truly is an emergency. Please tell Cerella to bring medicine,” I said, to which they instantly nodded and ran off in a hurry. I sighed out as I closed the door again, searching the room and finding a few towels that I could use to clean once everything else was dealt with.

I made my way over to Margaery again, sitting beside her on the bed. She sat up, embracing me and crying into my shoulder.

“I am so sorry, Margaery. I’m so, so sorry. I wish I could take the pain for you,” I muttered, truly wishing she didn’t have to go through this.

“I know, (Y/N), I know,” she whispered, still shaking in my arms. Or perhaps we were both shaking, it was hard to tell.

Just then, the door opened behind us and I found Cerella coming in with both a bucket of water and a small bag. She instantly saw the blood on the floor and saw Margaery crying into my arms, making her close the door rather quickly.

She set the water down, rushing over to us.

“What happened?” She asked softly, looking Margaery over but not spotting any obvious wound.

I motioned for her to lean down, and subtly explained what had happened. She nodded sympathetically.

“There’s nothing we can do, Lady Margaery, but I can give you milk of the poppy for the pain and perhaps essence of nightshade to help you sleep,” Cerella offered, to which Margaery nodded and sniffled.

Cerella poured out the dosages and gave them to her, watching as I continued to pet Margaery’s hair until she fell asleep.

When we were certain she was no longer conscious, I went into her wardrobe and brought out her sleeping gown, carefully putting her into it with Cerella’s help. Afterwards, took her bloodied dress and sighed.

“Burn the dress, Cerella. That much blood won’t come out, and I don’t want to leave any evidence behind. Do it now, I’ll tend to the floor myself,” I said, watching her swallow and nod.

“If you need assistance with anything else, my lady, please let me know.”

“I will, thank you very much for helping my sister. She didn’t want a maester, she was worried people would find out,” I explained, leaning down and kissing my sister's forehead as I tucked her under the covers.

“I understand, my lady. I’ll go burn the dress now,” she said, excusing herself once I’d nodded and leaving me alone with Margaery.

When she was gone, I began to cry. I’d spent a lifetime attempting to bring joy and comfort into my siblings' lives just to realize that there was nothing I could do to prevent them from trauma and pain was a startling thought. I could not protect Loras from marriage, I could not protect Margaery from this.

I wanted more than anything to take this pain away from Margaery, and I realized then I ought to send a raven to Highgarden. It would be beneficial for my grandmother to be here, as Margaery relied on her more than anyone.

Plus, I would not be able to give her the comfort and help necessary due to my constant involvement in politics and such. Yes, I would send for my grandmother.

With a sigh, I made my way across the room, grabbing the towels I’d set aside and getting down on my knees. First, I soaked up the blood on the floor, knowing if I used water first it would cause an even bigger mess.

There was so much blood I could not comprehend it, and I had to close my eyes and bite my lip to keep myself from sobbing too loudly. I continued to cry as I cleaned it up, feeling such a distinct pain in knowing I’d been unable to ensure my siblings’ happiness.

In my own way, I also grieved the lost child. I’d always imagined myself doing quite well with Loras or Margaery’s children, and if I’d known she was pregnant in any other circumstance I would’ve been overjoyed.

I found myself disassociating as I finished wiping the blood away, and my hands were shaking without my consciousness. The blood had stained the tile, and I let some of the water pour onto the floor, using a new towel to now clean the tile.

It took more than an hour to remove the blood completely, and I felt exhausted when I had finished. Thankfully, Margaery had slept through the whole thing, and Cerella had come back to check on us.

“Is there anything else you need help with? I can take the bucket and burn the towels too,” she offered, to which I nodded and sighed, sitting down and rubbing my sore knees. I drank my wine with a tremor in my hand, hoping to numb myself a bit further.

“I’d like to have new flowers brought in. Bright ones. And perhaps summon Ser Elias, I’d like to rearrange some of the furniture. I want to alter the room so that she won’t think of it every time she’s in here,” I said, to which Cerella nodded and instantly set off with the towels and bucket.

I remained in the room for the rest of the day, and when Margaery had woken later in the afternoon, the furniture had already been fixed and flowers had already been added. Though she cried, I could tell she was grateful.

I helped her drink and eat, though it was not very much. Either way, I took it upon myself to help her through this however I could.

When it grew late, I stayed in her room and slept beside her in her own bed. I suspected Tywin would question where I was tomorrow, but that was a matter I would handle then and not now.

Now, the only thing that mattered to me was my sister, fast asleep in my arms, just as she had been when we were children and she’d had nightmares.

Though, I wished it had been a nightmare. I wished I could wake her and tell her all was well.

But no, the gods had not been so kind. It seemed they never were.

—————

I’d returned to my room late in the morning, having already written to my grandmother and helped Margaery get dressed. She went to the gardens with Ser Elias, and I couldn’t blame her for wanting to get out of the room and into the fresh air.

I spent the majority of the day reading and trying to blur out what had happened. Every time I lost my train of thought, the image came back and I forced myself to keep going.

By the time the sun had set, I’d finished the book I hadn’t been able to complete for weeks now. It was with a reluctant sigh that I had called upon Cerella to draw a bath for me.

More than anything, I was just enjoying the warm water and trying to clear my head. Cerella had offered to stay and help me bathe, but I told her I’d do it all myself.

Of course, the second I got into the bath, there was a knock upon the door.

“Lady (Y/N)?”

The voice was unmistakably Tywin’s, and I smiled as I settled into the water.

“Enter!”

The door opened and then closed, and I watched him step into the room and look around. He gave me a gentle smile when he saw me in the bathtub. Without a word, I watched him remove his coat and his ascot, coming to sit on the floor beside the tub.

“I can wash your hair, if you’d like,” he offered, lifting the hand I was resting on the side of the tub to his lips.

“That would be very nice, Tywin. Thank you,” I said softly, leaning my head back a bit as he rolled up his sleeves and got to work wetting my hair.

“I used to do this for Joanna. I did it quite a lot, actually. She always had such long hair, it was hard for her to do it herself,” he revealed, adding in the soap to my hair.

“And why not have her chambermaids do it? Surely that would’ve been more proper,” I questioned, teasing slightly but also curious.

“A man ought to be able to care for his wife. Or his lover,” he remarked, adding more water to my hair and massaging my scalp a bit. It felt good, and it helped relieve the headache I’d had practically for two days now.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here last night, I was with Margaery. She was rather sentimental, I think she may be missing our grandmother,” I said after a moment, certain he was going to ask about it. It was a lie, and for once I felt it sounded like one.

“It’s quite fine. What did you two discuss?” He asked. Yes, he seemed to think it was a lie as well.

“We… we discussed-“

“You’re lying. I know you were with Margaery, our chambermaid told me that much. But you’re lying, I can tell,” he noted, finished with my hair and now merely sitting beside me.

“Your head is probably jumping to hurtful conclusions, but it wasn’t anything like that. I’m not avoiding you, or speaking poorly of you. I just- I promised Margaery I wouldn’t speak of it to anyone,” I said, slowly washing my skin. I did not miss the look over Tywin was giving me.

“If you’re concerned with rumors spreading, you have my word. I trust you more than any of my own children, (Y/N). You know that,” he said, reaching for my towel and wrapping me in it as I stood up.

“I’m aware of that, and it’s not a matter of trust. I trust you with nearly all of my secrets, Tywin, you know that. But the reason I was with Margaery yesterday isn’t for me to share with you,” I said, making him raise an eyebrow.

“Nearly all of your secrets?”

“Well, a woman must stay somewhat mysterious. There are things you know that not even my family does,” I admitted, watching his curiosity be piqued.

“Such as?”

“My family’s never heard me sing before,” I said, which was truthful. I feared it might ruin my reputation.

“You told me you sang with Jaime’s man when the three of you were in Dorne,” he said, clearly a bit jealous. I laughed softly.

“He had a good voice, why shouldn’t I? You know me better than anyone else, Tywin. That’s the point I’m making,” I assured him, slipping into my undergarments and then into my nightgown.

“I will take your word for it. Just know, if you do want to discuss whatever happened yesterday, I’m all ears,” he said while removing his boots. I was glad he’d be staying tonight, I felt I needed it.

“Well, rest assured I won’t be telling you about it any time-“ my voice trailed off as I looked down.

I began to cry.

Tywin was instantly by my side when he realized, trying to figure out what was happening.

“What’s wrong, my dear?”

After a moment, he noticed the blood coming through my undergarments and relaxed a bit. My monthly had come, and though to him it appeared normal, it felt like very bad timing considering what had just happened.

“It’s your monthly, isn’t it? No need to cry over that,” he said, searching my drawers for fresh undergarments. When I continued to cry, he looked back over.

“It is your monthly, isn’t it?” He asked. There was a hint of fear in his voice, and I realized then he was considering the possibility that I was having a miscarriage.

“It’s my monthly, don’t- don’t worry,” I choked out, sitting down on the ottoman and sobbing into my hands. He sat down beside me, hand on my back.

“What’s wrong, (Y/N)? Please tell me,” he whispered, cupping my cheek so I would look at him. I buried my head into his shoulder, still feeling overwhelmed.

“Margaery had a- a miscarriage yesterday. I s-shouldn’t be telling you that, but I can’t stop thinking about it,” I cried, feeling his arms wrap around me as he held me close.

“Oh sweet girl. My condolences to both of you, it’s not easy to overcome,” he said softly, petting my hair.

“It happened while I was with her, Tywin. I’d initially gone over just to talk with her, and then- and then her pain got worse and she began to bleed. And maybe if I’d- if I’d figured it out quicker or acted faster she wouldn’t have… she wouldn’t have…” I couldn’t finish my sentence, I was crying too much at this point. I felt a deep guilt about what had happened, as if I should’ve been able to prevent the event.

“(Y/N), it’s not your fault. The gods take children from us the same way we pick flowers from bushes. At that point, there was nothing you could’ve done,” he reassured me, placing a kiss on my head.

“I just- I feel as though I’ve failed her. My entire life- my entire life, I’ve dedicated myself to protecting my siblings, to keeping them safe and happy. I just- I hate knowing that there are things I can’t protect them from anymore,” I expressed, still crying as he held me.

“I know, sweet girl. Trust me, I know, and I’m sorry,” he muttered, rocking me gently.

“I wish I could take the pain for her, physically and emotionally. I wish I could take all my siblings' burdens for them,” I said softly, truly wanting to do so.

“Margaery will obviously need time to recover, but she’s as capable as you are. I feel confident that she will come back just as you do, resiliently and even stronger,” he assured me, cupping my face in both of his hands.

I nodded, letting him wipe my tears and kiss me sweetly.

“Did Tommen know she was pregnant?” I asked softly, not sure what the situation was.

“I don’t believe anyone did, otherwise announcements would’ve been made and I certainly would’ve known. I won’t tell him, if Margaery wishes to I’ll let her do it,” he said, knowing why I was asking. It wouldn’t have been logical to not tell him first if he’d already known, but if he hadn’t known to begin with, then I suspected Margaery would want to keep it to herself.

“I don’t want people to find out. Ever.”

“I understand, (Y/N). Now here, change so we can go to sleep,” he said, handing me the clean undergarments. I nodded, changing and preparing them as needed so I wouldn’t bleed through. Tywin removed his boots and shirt as I did, I was met with a pleasant surprise upon turning around.

“You’re so handsome, Tywin,” I whispered, stepping toward him and kissing his forehead. His hands came to my hips, and he leaned into me for a moment. After that, I felt him pick me up, and I squealed slightly as he carried me to bed, setting me down with a gentle smile.

I watched carefully as he made his way around the room, extinguishing most of the candles before coming to bed and finally removing his pants. Now only in his undergarments, he joined me under the covers and pulled my back into his chest..

“You’re a wonderful sister, (Y/N), never forget that. You’ve always defended your family more passionately than anything else, so don’t blame yourself for what’s happened,” he whispered, nuzzling into my neck.

“And who should I blame then?” I questioned. For a moment, he was silent.

“Blame a god we do not follow in Westeros.”

I nodded, aware of the many faced god that had a decent following in Essos. I couldn’t blame them, for it was a fact that death was inevitable. Or, as they liked to say: Valar Morghulis

All men must die.

As I felt Tywin shift behind me, my heart sank. Could the many faced god take another god? Or, a god among men, it seemed.

Yes, he certainly could. Though, whenever he decided to do it, he would receive two souls, not just one. I would make sure of that when the day came.

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#tywin lannister #tywin lannister x reader #game of thrones #game of thrones x reader #house lannister #charles dance #tywin x reader #asoiaf #a lion in the garden #margaery tyrell

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filmnoirsbian · 1 year

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not the previous anon but reading that got me curious: in your opinion what do you think is best thing to say to someone that is dependent/an addict but says stuff like “I can stop anytime, I just like the feeling of it” which is something a friend said to me about chewing nicotine gum once. or if someone says that they can quit anytime, they only do it socially etc? Do you think it’s best to just stay quite unless it’s something that has become very debilitating for them? While I do get frustrated by the denial, I don’t wanna be inconsiderate or condescending either (even if it’s tempting sometimes) (also idk if a growing alcohol dependency falls into this category)

Speaking as an alcoholic (I'm not dependent on it currently but it will be a lifelong thing I need to consciously keep in check), alcohol dependence is absolutely an addiction, and tbh far more people are guilty of binge drinking than realize it (binge drinking is not only defined as drinking until you get sick or black-out, which is a common misconception). That said, I think something that not a lot of people with no history of addiction know is that often, someone's current state of addiction to something is actually a form of harm reduction. Someone who is addicted to nicotine gum may have quit smoking a pack a day, thereby lessening their chances of cancer and other major health concerns in a huge way. Is their addiction to nicotine healthy? No, but it's still harm reduction. Someone who "only gets high socially" when in a safe environment with people they know may have gone from previously putting themselves in very dangerous situations with strangers to get high much more often. Sure they aren't completely sober, but this is still harm reduction. Also, these conversations don't always have to be lectures. If these are people you know well and care about, you can ask about their relationship to their habit without preaching about what's best for them. Whether or not they decide to open up about it with you is up to them, but it's probably best not to look at this as a place of warning or counseling them (I'm guessing that you are not a professional, and things like interventions do not work nearly as often as media would like you to believe), but merely taking an interest in your loved ones' lives.

#asks #i am also not a harm reduction professional btw im just an addict lol #though i am a trained crisis counselor and there is some overlap

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blookiel · 11 months

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ᴊᴇꜱᴛᴇʀ ɢᴀʀᴀɴᴅʀᴏꜱ | ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ

Yall Jester is so FINE he is my favorite WK and the best in my opinion GODAMN 😫

I tried to write the headcanons based on Jester's personality and how he acts in the movie, trying to make it feel 'canon'

Warning: NONE

General & Romance HC

Jester is talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it

Jester as WK is strong like really really strong so he will protect you and his loved ones at all costs. He'll go all out in a fight

Jester has a frivolous attitude and tends to look down on others who he deems are below him (from wiki & his character profile)

Confirmed from Official BC Volume he is 23 years old 😳

• Despite Jester's frivolous personality, there are times when he gets serious. He's observant, smart and curious

Unlike the other Wizard Kings, he is quite careless and free so he is the type to go to parties or clubs in his free time, drink and chat with friends

Jester enjoys chess games, hot springs and fine dishes

Jester sees the fun side even when he makes a mistake in a battle

As WK he tends to forget his position and does as he pleases, for example, he wouldn't care if people saw him dining at a restaurant or wandering off the capital. He'll definitely draw a lot of attention tho

Jester doesn't wear many clothes to bed since his muscles keep him warm, he only wears oversized pants and other times boxers when is hot weather

Let's admit it Jester is popular with the ladies, he can easily get laid whenever he wants, he's the WK, a nobleman and filthy rich

His type is the shy girl that plays hard to get, someone that challenges him

He doesn't mind whether you're a noblewoman or a commoner girl. But if he had to pick someone to marry, it would be a commoner girl just because they're caring, kind and naive in contrast to noblewomen who are arrogant and think are better than anyone else

Okay now for romance: Jester is not the relationship guy but wants to get married at some point

• His previous relationships didn't last bc his exes always complained and would say things like "You never spend time with me" "Who is she" "Why do you hang out with your friends" "Buy me this expensive dress" "Don't do that, it's embarrassing me"

• It wasn't his fault, he did his best in the relationship and as a high-status man he had no time to deal with all that stress

• If Jester had a love story, it would be love at first sigh. He found you interesting and when I say interesting It meant you stood out to him

• A relationship with Jester includes kisses, hugs, skinship, hand-holding, and lots of teasing. Jester is really touchy and not in a perverted way

• If the relationship is serious then you'll see a new side of him in which he is possessive, is the daddy type, spoils you, 50 Shades of Grey type, kinky, playful, and caring, gentle aftercare, bath together

• Definitely not the jealous type because it would make him look weak and insecure. But would lose his composture if some random messes with you when he's not around

• Loves PDA, gives 0 fs what other ppl think

• Jester would be a fun and affectionate dad but would be ruthless if anything happened to his children. He wants a boy and girl

Jester NSFW headcanons & scenerio in the link below

More headcanons & scenarios in my wattpad. Thank You for 39k views 💜

#blackclover #conrad leto #sword of the wizard king #jester garandros #black clover jester #black clover movie #black clover headcanons

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x0401x · 1 month

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Hi! I've only watched the anime for Tsurune and I LOVED the first two seasons but after reading some of your Tsurune posts it got me curious. How different is the anime adaption from the source material? It sounds like an entirely different thing! I really liked the first season, but apparently it was a disaster? In what ways, if you don't mind me asking? Should I read the novels instead? I'm sorry for so many questions or if you've answered these already

Oh.

Oh, holy shit.

This is not the kind of ask I was expecting to get in the year of our lord 2024.

I’ll start by saying that you’re totally right. It sounds like an entirely different thing because the original work and the anime adaptation are, in fact, almost entirely different from each other. If you ever look for reviews of volume 1 on Japanese sites, the comment you’ll see the most from people who also watched the anime is “it’s so different from the novel that it might be best to just view the two as separate stories”. If I had to estimate how much of the novels was actually included into the animation, I would say 5% to 10%. I’m being pretty generous here.

You’re also right about the first season being a disaster. I remember that when I first watched the first episode of S1, by the moment that the series title came up, I immediately thought to myself, “This won’t sell well. 3k DVD copies, give or take”. And turns out I was wrong. It actually sold around 2.7k, which is even worse than what I had predicted. It did so infamously bad that many fans were worried about the second season before it came out, and some people were being rather foul-mouthed about it, which was a shock for me because you don’t usually see Japanese fans not following fandom etiquette. However, there was much more effort put into S2 than S1, thankfully. There’s also the whole thing with the arson attack, which pulled in people’s interest and support for the series. Overall, it did fairly well, I believe. I would never say that S2 does the novel any justice, but it was light years better than S1. That’s something everyone agrees to, even those who enjoyed S1.

Still, though. Even with S2 being far more successful than S1, that’s technically not so big of a deal, considering S1’s tragic underperformance. The series is known here in Japan mostly because of its association with the arson, but not many people are really into it. I would say that it has a niche audience consisting of 1) people who were already fans of KyoAni to begin with, 2) novel readers and 3) people who practice Japanese archery. As for the overseas audience… barely anyone has ever even heard of Tsurune, be it the anime or the novels. Many people who do know the anime have dropped it by S1, and the reason I see being pointed out the most is that it was “boring as hell”.

Other than this, I’ve noticed something in common when reading comments on S2 from Japanese Twitter. One thing people say a lot (and I do mean a lot) is that they didn’t like S1, but after watching S2, they were able to see that “KyoAni was, in fact, taking this franchise seriously”, so they gave it a second chance. This is meant as a compliment, but although it’s not backhanded per se, it’s kind of underhanded. I mean, who wants to be told, “Thank God you got your shit together this time around”? It’s good that S2 changed people’s opinions on the series, but the fact that it had to be changed speaks volumes about what people thought of S1.

Now, as to whether you should just read the novels, I would say yes. It’s literally the only way to know what Tsurune is truly about. But I have to warn you that, if you loved the anime, you might have to prepare yourself to see the things you loved about it either not being in the novel or taking a completely different turn in it. If you’re able to handle that, then by all means, go ahead and give the source material a try. It’s honestly one of the most unique novels I’ve ever read, and I’ve read just about every light novel out there. The depictions of Japanese archery and Zen go way deeper and you’ll learn much more about the characters, so I’m sure you’ll have a fun time!

#tsurune #tsurune tsunagari no issha #tsurune kazemai koukou kyuudoubu #tsurune hajimari no issha #kyoani #kyoto animation

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autismtana · 10 days

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so you wanna write a heartbreak high fic, but you're american (part 2)

Back in November, I wrote this after reading a bunch of Heartbreak High fics. I always planned to write a part 2 featuring some more aspects of Australian schooling, but my own writing, work and personal things (aka mental illness) got in the way.

As with part 1, this is NSW/Sydney specific, as that's where I'm from and where Heartbreak High is filmed and set. People from other states might have different experiences (I know a little bit about Queensland for example, because my parents are from there and most of my relatives went to school there).

If there's anything not covered here that you're curious about, please check part 1 as I may have covered it there, or send a reply.

Extracurricular activities: these are not timetabled during lesson times (some schools have things like Friday afternoon rewards but those don't really count). They're generally just for fun and a way for kids to socialise. What extracurricular activities are available depends on what the teachers at the school are able to run but aside from competitive and social sport, these are things like debating, mock trial (fake court cases, highly recommend, very fun), music ensembles like choir/jazz band/orchestra, then there are some academic things like Tournament of Minds, coding, streamwatch. The more academic activities are generally more selective, especially if there's a competition aspect like ToM. Extracurricular activities have absolutely no bearing on whether or not a kid will get into uni, although depending on what they are, they can be good to put on a CV for jobs. There are also no limits on how many extracurricular activities a student can do (there's no "oh he chose basketball instead of orchestra as his extracurricular" ... he can do both, they're also usually not running at the same time). Sydney schools tend to run more activities than regional/rural schools because the public transport system means that it's easy to get to and from places outside of school hours. Non-metropolitan schools tend to run things during recess/lunchtime so there's a limit on how many things kids can do.

Sport: most Australian kids participate in some form of sport. The most common ones are: soccer, cricket, netball, rugby league, AFL, touch football, athletics, swimming, basketball and tennis. Private schools often offer things like golf, rugby union and sometimes even skiing, rowing and equestrian. Hartley High has a group of cheerleaders and, like with the uniform thing, this is extremely rare. Cheerleading is a thing in Australia, but it mostly happens through clubs, kind of like gymnastics. It's more common for girls here to just be involved in a more conventional sport instead (usually netball, which, in my opinion, is the most boring sport in the history of the universe, but is pretty popular in Australian schools; league tag is also extremely popular in more regional areas). Depending on how big the school is, Aussie kids who play sport either get involved with school teams or local club teams, and they tend to range from more social/fun to more competitive, particularly as kids transition from the juniors into the older age groups. Some schools might not necessarily have school teams but will scrounge up a representative team for inter-school competitions (so this would be like if the inter-school basketball competition team wasn't necessarily the school basketball team but was just made up of the best 10-12 basketball players that tried out or signed up). Other schools have more competitive teams that compete against other schools. Schools in NSW have to do a mandatory amount of hours of physical activity, so some schools will let kids choose a sport for a certain amount of time to do during that time (this might be when the competitive teams compete). Club sports generally happen on Saturdays and Sundays (for me, AFL was Saturday, soccer was Sunday, rowing was Saturday morning if we didn't have a regatta that week). Kids who excel at a particular sport might get to participate in NSW combined high schools (CHS). Some of the more "prestigious" schools are part of athletic associations like GPS and CAS. In terms of post-school, I know very little about how it works, but all I know is that it's nothing like any of the American systems. We don't have a system like the NCAA here; I know a little about the AFL draft but it's too complicated to explain so here's a Wikipedia article about it (I know nothing about how NRL players go pro so don't ask me that). An Australian kid might attract a scholarship to an American university to play sport overseas, but our universities don't work like that.

Student leadership: Generally, all schools have one or two School Captains and one or two Vice Captains (some schools let the whole school vote for captains, but usually they limit it to teachers and the older grades). Then there are House Captains (kind of like the prefects from the transphobic lady's book), and they're usually elected by all the students in that house. They're involved in inter-house competitions which I'll touch on later. Some schools have captains for things like different extracurricular activities. Schools generally have a student representative council with one or more elected representatives from each grade, depending on how big the school is. My school was a Catholic school, so I got to be a Liturgy Representative (and I absolutely put that on my CV when I applied for my first shitty bakery job).

Carnivals: pretty much every Aussie school has a swimming carnival and an athletics carnival. This is where there's a bunch of races (and field events for athletics) and you participate in as many as possible to get house points. Sometimes swimming is only open to more competitive students but generally more people participate in athletics. Most Australian kids have swimming lessons as part of mandatory PE in primary school and in years 7-10 (I got my bronze medallion as part of mine and I'm now a member of my local surf lifesavers group). The house captains rile up their houses and get them to sing war cries to cheer everyone on (my personal favourite was 'how funky is your chicken'). The winning house gets ultimate bragging rights and is pretty much always the red house (they tend to put all the sporty kids in red and the dweeby nerdy kids in yellow for some reason). You get house points for going in events, but you also get them for cheering the loudest or having the cleanest area. Really, it's just a fun way of getting out of classes.

#heartbreak high #fanfic advice #how to write australian characters #how to write about sydney australia #basically a guide to how to write about school in australia if you're american #don't give aussie kids “college scholarships” we don't have those things here

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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olderthannetfic · 8 months

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What are the opinions around here about the etiquette of someone reccing their own fic to you? I assume context probably matters a lot, like whether it is unsolicited or recs were asked for, and someone you know well vs. someone you don't. Curious about experiences with this kind of thing. In my case: it was a regular commenter, so there has been a few friendly interactions with them (like five), just talking a bit about some story/character preferences we enjoy that are in my fic they are reading; then they recced their fic on a chapter. I can see why they might think I'd enjoy the themes of the rec they sent from our previoue interactions, though it is a different pairing, and it isn't one I dislike, but I don't have interest in reading for it. Idk it felt...a little pushy? Personally I wouldn't even drop an unsolicited link to my own fic in a closer fandom friend private chat, about a pairing/tropes I know are liked. I guess I figure if they want to read it, they will, and linking it adds a weird pressure, but maybe this is a normal/common thing to do to connect and I just feel pressured? I'm not upset or anything, maybe just vaguely uncomfortable, because now I'm anxious about how to respond and whether my discomfort or feeling about it is unwarranted or makes me an asshole lol

If someone asks for "good" fics, it's a little tacky. If someone asks for fics with such-and-such a specific kink, it's fine as long as your fic objectively contains that.

If nobody asked for recs, it's usually annoying to offer any recs, especially in the comments on a fic. (Obviously, if you're chatting with a friend, and you're like "OMG, I was just reading the best thing!" or something, that's normal.)

Offering recs of your own fic in other people's fic comments is a massive faux pas.

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femmefatalevibe · 1 year

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Hi! I’ve just found your blog and I absolutely love it. I am entering my 20s and have never had positive female friendships in the past (always delegated to the DUFF, never had friends who were particularly interested in my personal life and would only turn to me for advice or if they knew I could give them something). I am deeply introverted. My only friend is my boyfriend and I don’t want to fall into the trap of depending on him for all my friendship. I have a bit of a tough time making friends at my university because it’s a very prestigious classist institution, and many of the girls I’d initially made friends with alienated me once they found out the neighbourhood I live in and where I’m from. Do you think you have any tips on how I can make sustainable, and meaningful female friendships; ways in which I could foster sisterhoods? Thank you in advance❤️

Hi love! Thank you so much. Finding meaningful, reciprocal friendship is not for the faint of heart, so validating your experience here.

It's great that you recognize the need for platonic relationships/connections aside from your partner (too many people fall into this trap!). Remember that if anyone judges you for something as superficial as where you live, those people don't deserve to be your friends anyways.

If I were in your shoes, here are the ways I would go about finding friends:

Find social activities involving your interests: Join or attend a club meeting about a skill, field, or cause you care about (think a painting class, social justice club, women in business/tech, etc.) to surround yourself with like-minded people. Having a common interest increases your chances of clicking with these people.

Strike up a conversation in class: Nothing bonds people together like the monotony of a lecture, meeting, or going through a deck. Consider making a comment about the class or offer a genuine compliment to get the conversation started.

Immerse yourself in online spaces: While it's great to have friends to socialize with IRL, social connection is social connection at the end of the – whether it's virtual or in-person. Join some relevant Facebook groups, Discords, Reddit communities, etc., and follow like-minded individuals on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr, to get started. You never know who you will connect with once you put yourself out there!

Here are more socializing tips for making friends, too:

TIPS FOR SOCIALIZING & MAKING FRIENDS:

Get Curious To Connect: Follow-up questions are your best friend if you get nervous and anticipate a wave of social anxiety. These questions have a dual benefit: You’re allowing others to indulge in subjects or experiences that resonate with them and helping to guide the conversation. Listen to ways that you can branch off into related topics, mutual interests, and shared emotions or experiences. Ask relevant questions to keep the conversation flowing and demonstrates your interest and desire to connect with the other person. There’s no quality more charming than making others feel special and understood. This interpersonal skill allows you to connect with others without feeling like you need to fill up air time or be more vulnerable than you’re comfortable. It can be especially helpful to remember this advice when conversing with a stranger, authority figure, or someone else you want to impress without looking inferior (teacher, boss, industry leader, partner’s parents, etc.).

Read & Develop Interests/Opinions: Expanding your knowledge base provides an entry point to more people, engaging conversations, and opportunities. It’s easier to speak to people when you have some understanding of relevant topics others are discussing around the table or are of interest to the person in front of you. Take time to read about and study topics you’re interested in. Stay on top of cultural topics (movies, music, books, TV shows, etc.) and news within your chosen industry (or one you’re hoping to break into), different destinations you’ve been to or want to go to, favorite products, etc. Develop some robust opinions (don’t share those on hot-button topics like politics and religion) on these subjects and current events. Having the ability to listen to others' perspectives on a topic with an understanding of the subject matter and dive further into the topic with a distinct POV makes for an engaging conversation (and a potential new connection).

Learn The Art of The Follow-Up: If you hit it off with someone, exchange contact information (social media, phone number, email – depending on the context of the situation and level of initial connection). Send them a relevant message at some point over the next few days to stay connected. Try something related to the conversation – like an article on a topic you discussed, or a recommendation for a coffee shop in the area. Or, get more personal if you’re comfortable, and ask how a meeting went, if they ended up liking a certain show, movie, or book, or whether they want to grab lunch at that place they mentioned they love. Remain thoughtful and interested without looking desperate. People want to what know others are thinking about them as long you’re not obsessive.

One More Friendly Reminder:

Different Friends Can Serve Different Purposes: Have your class friends, going to lunch or weekday meals friends, going out friends, and then your genuinely close friends (if you find 1-2 of these types of friends, that's plenty and very lucky!). Don't be afraid to spend most of your time alone. As long as you have some social interactions and put effort into this area of your life, remember that we all have solo seasons or days. Think of this time as an opportunity to reflect, work towards your goals, and spend time with yourself to discover what you really enjoy and want in life.

Hope this helps xx

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 5 months

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By: Jesse Singal

Published: Dec 23, 2023

I’ve written many Singal-Minded posts highlighting deficiencies in both left-of-center journalism and peer-reviewed literature on the use of puberty blockers and hormones as a treatment for gender dysphoria (also known as youth gender medicine).

Each case of lackluster journalism or science is different, but the most common theme is omission. Peer-reviewed articles on this subject regularly omit key information about their data (such as this very important federally funded paper in which multiple important variables simply disappear) and fail to explain very basic facts like why dropout rates were so high or why some kids in a sample went on youth gender medicine and others didn’t, while articles and segments produced for popular audiences by both journalists and academics in this space routinely ignore the fact that a number of countries in Europe have found, via systematic evidence reviews, that the evidence base for youth gender medicine is lacking.

Pediatrics just published a “Perspectives” article on youth gender medicine (an opinion piece, more or less) by Emily Georges, Emily C.B. Brown, and Rachel Silliman Cohen that is one of the worst offenders I’ve come across. Despite clocking in at a brisk two-and-a-half pages, not counting endnotes and a “Ways to Advocate for TGD [transgender and gender diverse youth] Youth” chart that takes up a whole page of its own, the article contains a remarkable amount of misleading information, including a disheartening number of claims that point, via endnote, to resources that don’t come close to supporting them. The fact that Pediatrics would publish this article in its current form — and I’m getting déjà vu typing these sorts of sentences over and over and over — is a really bad sign about the collapse of institutional credibility in this area.

Now, Georges and her coauthors are clearly concerned with overly draconian reactions to the youth gender medicine controversy, some of which go as far as attempting to remove trans children from their parents’ home. But these are separate questions from whether the evidence base for youth gender medicine is good. It can both be true that all those European countries are correct that the evidence base is shoddy and that banning the treatments outright (which has not been the response in Europe) is the wrong reaction to this medical uncertainty.

Naturally, the authors don’t mention the highest quality evidence in question, which is — say it with me — the European evidence reviews. It is, and again I feel that déjà vu coming on, a shocking omission on the part of doctors writing in perhaps the most important journal of pediatrics in the world.

Let’s get into a few examples of how misleading this paper is, because so many of the specific claims are questionable at best and clearly false at worst. For example, Georges and her colleagues argue that GOP laws seeking to restrict access to youth gender medicine “deny children access to routine health care that has been shown to decrease dramatically high rates of suicide and depression for TGD youth.” There are two footnotes at the end of the sentence.

This sentence contains two claims: one is that TGD youth have “dramatically high rates of suicide and depression.” You see this claim constantly: transgender youth have terrifying rates of completed suicide, and youth gender medicine can protect them from it. I don’t want to reiterate the argument I’ve already made that transgender youth do not, in fact, appear to have a terrifying rate of completed suicide, so click that link and search down to “The article then notes” if you’re curious about that.

As for the claim that youth gender medicine constitutes “routine health care that has been shown to decrease” these symptoms, the first citation points to the WPATH Standards of Care Version 8. This is a big document, and it’s usually a sign of less-than-tight reasoning when an academic makes a strong causal claim and then asks you to pore through a big document to find the justification for that claim. Here and there the WPATH SoC does contain claims about the supposedly salutary effects of blockers and hormones on youth gender medicine, but these claims generally reference papers like Jack Turban and his colleagues’ 2020 analysis of the 2015 United States Transgender Survey — papers that are extremely weak, methodologically speaking (click here and search down for “mental and social health” to read more about Turban’s 2020 study). But the SoC also notes that “Despite the slowly growing body of evidence supporting the effectiveness of early medical intervention, the number of studies is still low, and there are few outcome studies that follow youth into adulthood. Therefore, a systematic review regarding outcomes of treatment in adolescents is not possible.” Methodologists disagree with this — you can still do a systematic review if there aren’t a lot of studies. But either way, if according to the WPATH SoC there aren’t enough studies to do a proper review, how can the WPATH SoC support the claim that youth gender medicine has been “shown to decrease” depression and anxiety?

The second citation points to Jason Rafferty’s policy statement for the American Academy of Pediatrics, which is a very strange document that certainly does not provide evidence that youth gender medicine has been “shown to decrease” depression and anxiety.

A bit later Georges and her coauthors write, “Although some individuals make it seem that GAC [gender-affirming care] is a new, experimental area of medicine, GAC is evidence-based.” Here there is some slippage between youth gender medicine and gender medicine more generally. Whether or not that’s intentional, it’s a serious stretch — arguably a misleading one — to call this area of medicine “evidence-based.” While definitions of that term can vary, we already know what the Europeans found about youth gender medicine, and a systematic review of adult care commissioned by WPATH itself found that, well, let me borrow from myself, writing in UnHerd:

The results, published in the Journal of the Endocrine Society in 2021, revealed that there is almost no high-quality evidence in this field of medicine. After they summarised every study they could find that met certain quality criteria, and applied Cochrane guidelines to evaluate their quality, the authors could find only low-strength evidence to support the idea that hormones improve quality of life, depression, and anxiety for trans people. Low means, here, that the authors “have limited confidence that the estimate of effect lies close to the true effect for this outcome. The body of evidence has major or numerous deficiencies (or both).” Meanwhile, there wasn’t enough evidence to render any verdict on the quality of the evidence supporting the idea that hormones reduce the risk of death by suicide, which is an exceptionally common claim.

Right after that, the authors explain that “When indicated, TGD youth may start gonadotropin-releasing hormone analogs, which have been used in pediatrics since the 1980s. They also may go on to receive gender-affirming hormones or surgical interventions, all of which are supported by a wealth of research on their safety and effectiveness.” First, “used in pediatrics since the 1980s” is exceptionally misleading, because the context there was (generally) precocious puberty, meaning that after the kids ceased blockers their natal puberty (presumably) kicked in, whereas research shows that the vast majority of kids who go on puberty blockers to treat gender dysphoria subsequently proceed to cross-sex hormones. That’s a very different use case, and one for which we have almost no high-quality evidence, so the “decades of use” argument really is a canard. Second, there is no footnote on “wealth of research on their safety and effectiveness,” which makes sense given that there isn’t a wealth of research on their safety and effectiveness in a youth gender medicine context.

Later, the authors write that youth gender medicine “decreases many negative health outcomes, including rates of depression, and improves well-being for children and adolescents.” The footnote points to this letter Texas Governor Greg Abbott wrote to another state official attempting to institute a policy of investigating instances of youth gender medicine performed in that state. This is clearly an error on the part of the authors, who definitely didn’t mean to cite this here. Next sentence: “GAC has not been shown to lead to short- or long-term negative health effects, and in fact, the benefits of GAC have been shown to far outweigh the risks.” Another strong claim, and this time the footnote points back to the SoC 8. I do not believe that document contains any language stating, conclusively, that all gender medicine is this safe and has such a lopsided benefit:risk ratio, but I could potentially be wrong. Either way, again, if someone makes a strong claim and then asks you to find the evidence for it in a haystack of a document, you should be skeptical.

A bit later on, the authors argue that youth gender medicine is not “medical child abuse,” as some conservatives have argued. I agree: for myriad reasons, that’s a really extreme claim, and the sort of overheated language that doesn’t really help get this conversation back on track.

But again, the specifics of the authors’ argument are quite strange and ill-founded:

GAC is not MCA. Although caregivers are vital supports in a child’s gender journey, the provision of gender-affirming medical and surgical care necessitates an alignment of the child’s goals with the evidence-based treatment plan determined most appropriate by the medical team. As a testament to GAC being patient driven, studies have found that the vast majority of youth who initiated medication intervention continue these treatments when followed in adulthood.

Setting aside how odd it is to see “child’s goals” used so breezily in this context, let’s once again check the footnote. It points to this study out of the Netherlands, which indeed showed a high continuation rate. But under that protocol — and this is very well-known to anyone who studies this issue — youth seeking blockers or hormones could be excluded for a wide variety of reasons, including mental health comorbidities, insufficiently severe symptoms, unsupportive parents, and so on. It’s really not “patient driven.” This is a misdemeanor compared to some of the misleading statements and miscitations in this paper, but it’s another sign of sloppiness and what might be genuine unfamiliarity with the contours of this debate on the part of the authors.

A bit later on the authors repeat that “The benefits of GAC, most notably on mental health,

self-esteem, and development, outweigh the risks in the majority of circumstances.” No footnote at all this time, although I guess, to be fair, we’ve already been told to read the 260-page SoC to find out where this claim is supported. Then an even stronger claim: “GAC is, for many, lifesaving.” No citation. This is the top journal Pediatrics! How can such a claim be allowed with no evidence?

This next part tips over from sloppy into genuine medical misinformation:

Research highlights how transgender youth disproportionately experience negative mental health outcomes, including anxiety, depression, and suicidality.12 However, when children are supported in their gender identities and have access to GAC, they have better mental health outcomes.12,13 Some studies demonstrate that appropriate GAC, in the context of caregiver support, entirely mitigates the increased risk of depression and suicidal ideation for TGD youth.12

Footnote 12 points to “Baseline Physiologic and Psychosocial Characteristics of Transgender Youth Seeking Care for Gender Dysphoria,” a paper published by Joanna Olson (now Olson-Kennedy) and her colleagues in 2015. As the title suggests, it simply captures the baseline characteristics of kids who showed up to their clinic. Therefore, it definitionally can’t tell us that “when children are supported in their gender identities and have access to GAC, they have better mental health outcomes,” and it definitely can’t tell us that “appropriate GAC, in the context of caregiver support, entirely mitigates the increased risk of depression and suicidal ideation for TGD youth.” The authors have severe problems getting their citations straight throughout the paper, but this is a particularly galling instance because this miscitation communicates such a strong claim about adolescent suicide.

Footnote 13 points to Diana Tordoff and her colleagues’ 2022 study of outcomes at the Seattle Children’s Hospital gender clinic, which readers of this newsletter might remember because I wrote about it twice.

Tordoff and her colleagues at the clinic and the University of Washington–Seattle (Seattle Children’s is the teaching hospital of the UW School of Medicine’s pediatrics department) watched as a group of kids at their clinic were given blockers and/or hormones and showed no meaningful mental health improvement over the course of a year. Then, by torturing various statistics so severely it’s a miracle they weren’t dragged to The Hague, they published a study basically claiming the opposite. It was one of the more noteworthy examples of genuinely pernicious medical misinformation being published by youth gender medicine clinicians in recent years — a complete breakdown of the important barrier between researcher and activist. You can read my posts for more details, but the fact that a doctor at Seattle Children’s Hospital, Emily Georges, would lead-author a Pediatrics Perspectives piece that treats this research as solid evidence represents a serious mortgaging of trust on her and the institution’s part. It’s 2023. She must be aware of the critiques of this study and how little evidence it provides for the efficacy of youth gender medicine.

This is not going to be an exhausting look at every claim in this piece. But I’ll leave you with one last example of how sloppy it all is:

Denying GAC not only represents medical neglect, but it is also state-sanctioned emotional abuse. In addition to the basic physical needs all people require for survival, humans have vital psychological needs. The degree to which these needs are met during childhood impact a child’s identity, capacities, and behaviors into adulthood.14 Emotional abuse involves actions, either as a repeated pattern or an extreme single incident, that thwart a child’s basic psychological needs.14 This form of abuse can be especially damaging because it undermines a child’s self-worth and psychological development.14 Policies that prohibit or limit a caregiver or physician’s ability to provide necessary GAC force caregivers and providers to perpetuate psychological distress.

The footnote points to a study that does not mention the word child or its variants, and which has nothing to do with the matter under discussion. The authors didn’t even give their paper a rudimentary proofreading to ensure the footnotes were correct before publishing it.

Of course, it isn’t just their fault. It would be quite easy for Pediatrics not to publish a Perspective this wildly off-base and disconnected from the real-world debate over youth gender medicine. It would be similarly easy for Pediatrics to insist on the rudimentary proofreading of citations. Pediatrics chose not to take these steps. This is a pattern.

#Jesse Singal #Leor Sapir #gender ideology #queer theory #medical malpractice #medical scandal #medical corruption #gender affirming care #gender affirming healthcare #affirmation model #misinformation #disinformation #gender cult #religion is a mental illness

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