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strangeferrum · 1 year

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join ghoul discord, make a bunch of lovely new friends

Promptly drag the entire discord into sleep token hell

watch my ENTIRE tl fill with sleep token when it was ghost before

Perfect

#with help to be clear and fair #it was a team effort #but you all live here with me now

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inkskinned · 10 months

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you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

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wasabi-gumdrop · 8 days

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oh

i am. unwell.

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smash-chu · 3 months

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Long distance loneliness

#my art #doodles #smash-chu's art #not having the luxury of being able to just drive and see someone i know and love #having all my human connection come from digital screens when not visiting my family once or twice a year #it makes your heart sink down into a place that is hard to get out of #a place of acceptance that i will just have to live with being lonely #i love my friends #i just wish they weren't so spread out away from me #in a way i was left back here cause i was the only one that didn't move back to their parents #and now i struggle alone being comforted via keeping in touch online #but it can never replace seeing face to face #getting to be right there next to someone #touch starved is a understatement #but for now that is just how it has to be #anyways #my period is frying my brain making every feeling feel more intense so i feel super fucking alone right now #it's fine it'll go back to being numb soon enough #but sometimes you just need to let stuff out

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hazel2468 · 7 months

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"UWU op defends Israel UWU"-

Have I not made it clear enough what I think of the Israeli government? Have I not made it clear enough that what infuriates me the MOST about all of this shit going on is that neither government gives a damn and civilians will CONTINUE to die because Hamas and Netanyahu are cranking that war machine for their own benefit? Have I not made it clear that I think what the Israeli government is doing is fucking horrific, a war crime, murder, a violation of human rights?

Why do I even need to MAKE that clear? Why is it that you can talk about LITERALLY anything else, any other country, and people don't rush to fucking accuse you of personally supporting the government when you discuss the wrongs committed against a people, but the SECOND you're a Jew you have to justify your stance about Israel?

Why is it that I cannot even be angry about the slaughter of MY FUCKING PEOPLE. Innocents. Civilians. Fucking CHILDREN. The slaughter of the Palestinian people. Innocents. Civilians. FUCKING CHILDREN.

Without one of you absolute fucking monsters deciding to slap some shit on an unrelated post about how "uwu op defends an apartheid state just ignore that"? Do you have to make it part of EVERYTHING I do? Do you consider everything I put out there tainted somehow because I don't support your joy, your cheering, your unrestrained GLEE at the murder of Jews? Do I need to publish a fucking thesis on my stance on Israel, Palestine, and their respective governments like a fucking disclaimer any time I want to talk about myself, my oppression, my experience as a Jew, or a disabled person, or a queer person, because you fuckers cannot for five seconds be NORMAL about Jews?

To decide to slap something about Israel and Palestine on a post I made about MY oppression, about how people will oppress you no matter who you actually are- it all depends who they think you are. It's a bit ironic, isn't it? Doesn't QUITE fit, but it's funny that someone would read that post, agree with it, and then think "Ah yes, THIS is the place to put some tags about how OP, a Jew who has been reeling for the last couple of weeks about the violence, who has been checking on their Israeli friends every day to make sure they aren't fucking dead, who is dealing with vicious antisemitism from people who they thought were friends, who watched as the people claiming to be progressive supporters of human rights on this hellsite and others OVERWHELMINGLY reply to the murder of their people with good they deserved it fuck you, is CLEARLY a defender of an apartheid state and that makes them a bad person because something something I don't know what nuance tastes like and I am a bigoted ass."

I am TIRED.

#antisemitism #i/p #seriously I am exhausted #fuck all of you #I can count on my hands how many people have actually been supportive and kind to me #I have LOST count of how many people #both online and IRL #have either been dismissive and cold #or outright HAPPY that Jews died and will continue to die #I have lost count of how many people here I thought were decent human beings #who I had to block because they responded with a resounding GOOD to what hamas did #and now you fucking antisemitic fucks are dragging this shit onto unrelated posts #and that's nothing NEW you've always been like this #but it is especially exhausting now #the fact that this shit is coming from like #other Americans too?#are you fucking KIDDING ME?#You LIVE here and you don't control everything the fucking government does #but oh every Israeli civilian is responsible and they deserve to be killed #just call me a kike and go instead of doing that shit #at least the Nazis are direct about how much they want me dead #although frankly I'm having trouble telling the difference these days #between you leftist fucks and the Nazis

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romansmartini · 12 days

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have you ever seen two people more married in your entire life. please

#doctor who #twelveclara #so much to unpack here.#first of all the banter. just kill me.#the fact that he's helping her students on a regular basis. the intertwining of their lives to a dangerous degree #the fact that he jokes about their season 8 breakup as if that's something they joke about #the hug. THE HUG.#suggesting that physical touch is something they Do now #him admitting he missed her. not a huge deal but meaningful To Me.#the doctor who classic 'im never leaving you!' <- dies 1-3 episodes later. which will never get old #can we return to the hug one more time. insert joke about how i know he takes it from behind. and so on and so forth.#and last but not least the way he looks at her. man. stares off into the distance forever #i always forget about this little moment but it really is such a beautiful one

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beatcroc · 1 year

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there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y

hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]

#ramble after realtags yeag. shoutout to serrangelic btw suggesting the silhouettes thing bc i would have Died otherwise #pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #fake peppino #gustavo and brick #arting #pizzaposting #so anyway i think fake peppino has like. a general awareness that he is supposed to Be Peppino and that he was Made to do that #and likewise he does generally try to...do that. the thing he does NOT realize is hes like really goddamn bad at it #not to be mean but like...c'mon. they are pretty distinctly different kinds of guys even beyond the physiology yknow.#he's neither on-brand nor fooling anyone dsjdsjjkgfsd. BUT!#since the rest of the cast generally likes him [at least as I play it] he thinks hes doing just fine #he's like 'oh they r happy with me so i must be getting a good grade in being peppino :)'#so getting told that 'yeah you actually really suck at that but that was never the reason people liked you'#and told that by og model peppino no less--yknow THE guy he's supposed to be living up to #who's already a bit intimidating for that and who ALSO totally wrecked him TWICE in the tower #making him acutely familiar with just how formidable the guy is and how much there IS to live up to....#it's a Moment for sure. not really a sad or hurt one though. just... contemplative.#thinking abt people liking him for being the guy he's already naturally been being even though that guy is Not Peppino #i don't think he's gonna be super broken up about realizing he has a bad grade in peppino given everything else hes got now #nor do i really think he cares enough to go like reinvent himself or whatever after the fact #he seems to b pretty clearly having fun with it already so i think he just keeps doing that #and in some cases he still has the pre-installed peppino traits/instincts like to cooka da pizza. and that's fine #is this projection. yes. but if youve been following me awhile you know most of my character writing is ghdhfdgf #gonna kinda expand on all this in the gerome one which is...one after next. itll be a bit but man.#anyway peppino will never admit to anyone and especially not himself that he's gotten a little attached to the guy. hee hoo #pep tends to be kinda surly but he certainly has his ways of showing he cares. all of which are on display here #''that thing is not my son'' says man currently watching thing's antics with the 'bemused dad' arms crossed pose. yeah ok buddy.#gus is totally onto him already but hes not gonna say anything.#if u read all this ur prize is not having to go decode fp's rot13. his lines are ''meant to be you...?'' and ''wrong question.''

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transmascissues · 1 year

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i love you testosterone i love you voice cracks i love you bass notes i love you loud laugh i love you fuzzy mustache i love you whispy patchy beard i love you bushy eyebrows i love you hairy stomach i love you knuckle and hand hair i love you boy smell i love you bottom growth i love you new orgasms i love you big nose i love you square jaw i love you squishy stomach i love you thighs that touch i love you stretch marks i love you acne i love you acne scars i love you body heat i love you appetite i love you mood stability i love you balanced hormone cycle i love you puberty awkwardness i love you uncertainty i love you adjustment i love you transformation i love you change i love you maturation i love you growth i love you freedom i love you euphoria i love you comfort i love you familiarity i love you recognition i love you second chances i love you masculinization i love you embodied manhood i love you testosterone

#in case anyone needed a reminder that testosterone is magic and no one gets to talk shit about it around me #and to be clear all of these are very specific to my personal experience being on t #these are all things that t either gave me or increased/exaggerated in me #just my own personal love letter to the last 10 months #i was going to make a more typical post for this account #but i was scrolling through some tags i use to find posts on here #and so many of the posts were people shitting on us not people who care about us #every time i go into those tags there seems to be more and more negativity toward us from people who dont want us to talk about our lives #i was even looking in positivity tags and finding assholes #and im tired of thinking about negative things now so instead you get this #transmasc positivity #trans man positivity #testosterone positivity

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realbeefman · 8 months

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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner

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donnatroyyyy · 3 months

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Dick genuinely doesn’t have a favorite sibling, he’s like the parent that says “I love all my children equally” and you believe it, he actually loves them all equally. He’s been trying to convince them that for the last few years, they don’t believe him, so he does what he has to, he says it’s Steph and let’s her deal with it.

#someone tries to say ‘she isn’t even really ur sister’ and Steph chews them out #‘oh so u think just cuz we’re not blood related we can’t be siblings’#‘oh so you’re calling me unimportant’ ‘oh so yourself saying all I am is a nuisance that hangs around you even though you don’t want me to’#‘oh are you saying I’m a leech that’s sucking off of this family’s happiness and love’#no one ever tries that again after that #so now whenever anyone brings it up all she has to say is ‘why wouldn’t I be his favorite? I’m funny #I’m pretty and I’m the best one here’ and no one can argue with that #so they just don’t #and Steph know she ain’t actually the fave she just lives for the drama #and dck is never bothered about it again #dc comics #comics #robin #batfam #dick grayson #bruce wayne #jason todd #damian wayne #tim drake #duke thomas #cassandra cain #stephanie brown

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mattodore · 3 months

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i circle around you, a wild animal near a fire

#me roughly an hour after saying i’m not going back into photoshop today: opens photoshop #jerma going no chat come on i'm not gonna do that . and then doing that #river dipping #ts4 #ts4 edit #simblr #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #THEY ARE SOOOOOOO BUNNY AND WOLF HERE LIKE THEY NEED LITTLE EARS 🗣️🗣️🗣️#IF I COULD DRAW WELL….. KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE GIVEN THEM SOME!!!#also if you’re thinking uhhhh river are they… you know…? 😁 they are <3 this is easily my favorite ww animation bc of this exact part #moving past that i edited these with esther in mind bc theo with long hair is kind of tearing my life apart atm too...#and i think i actually really love drawing hair strands now. all it took was giving theo long hair and i'm just. obsessed.#yeah they take me like thirty fucking minutes and i’m screaming and biting my own hands the whole time but .#doesn’t theo look good :)#and... lmao. i could’ve edited the screenshot of matthias where he’s looking directly at theo #but i like the !! sudden jolt when you go to the next screenshot and it looks like he’s staring straight at you 🫵#it’s like he’s saying close your fucking eyes 🫵🫵🫵#......i finished this edit at 12pm but it's just been sitting in my drafts this whole time while i try to come up with a caption dfjknkhn #i'm giving in and just using a matthias core quote for it

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sysig · 4 months

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Just keep getting back up (Patreon)

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #Gaster #Asgore #The thought of Gaster able to heal himself! Rather to only have himself to rely on in a world that lives to hurt him (and everyone else)#It's an interesting inversion that's for sure #Is it as satisfying if it's not the one who deserves the broken bones? The pain of rejection or of justice retribution punishment?#It's still the same face - and it's not like he's wholly innocent here either #And besides it's always fun to draw tears hee ♪#Get him just a bit disheveled aside from the broken bone - it's hard to imagine him in different clothes even after drawing him in the dress #Softer clothes would be so nice to hold Babybones with but even just dropping a shoulder off his coat or untying his bow tie - it's strange!#I do like the image of his flower crown shedding petals when he gets roughed up tho hehe - tossed around just a little too much!#Breaking his hand right down the middle - it'd be much easier with the holes in his hands as a weak point #All his bones could break easier than his hands before that but now-#It's weird to draw Asgore like that lol I dunno....Works well enough for utility but pffblt :P I always forget his pauldrons anyhow lol #Really rubbing it in that Gaster will be fiiiine he's sooooo special what with his ability to heal >:( Lol #It does make him a bit of a target - a regenerating punching bag? Ideal to see just how far you can push him #It was fun to draw with my green coloured pencil as well ahh <3 Healing magic always gives me a bit of the warm fuzzies #It was the original comic that made me fall in love with Handplates after all ♥ Pretty and feelings <3

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einaudis · 26 days

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ALL OF US STRANGERS (2023) dir. ANDREW HAIGH

#filmedit #filmgifs #movieedit #moviegifs #All of Us Strangers #aousedit #filmtvdaily #filmtvcentral #cinemapix #fyeahmovies #dailyflicks #mine*#mygifs #movies*#I can't believe this is done. and you won't believe how long it took me to make it. insane... because it's just a scene #I didn't even use different fonts. or a cool template. or transitions... it was a single scene... but look... I made captures for 10 gifs #and things kept happening and I kept finding little gestures and beautiful things and I just couldn't keep them out the gifs #I mean look at Harry and that slow realization. please look at the glow around his shoulders at the beginning #and how ethereal and out of this world he already is AND THEN when Adam says 'I found you' he becomes more... real and present!#and those eyes and the intensity of that 'you're here' and their eyes and faces and smiles and how Harry's desperate but Adam calms him dow #and his voice when he asks 'how come no one found me?' the realization that people didn't care to check on him. it screamed to my soul #I haven't stopped thinking about that scene since the moment I first watched it #honestly... I wish I could live in this scene forever #now this is a super long post and I know it won't get many notes and it was surely made before... but I needed to make this for myself...#so here it is :) I'm tired but I love it #GOD the way Harry goes full baby when Adam caresses his cheek and he SMILES LIKE THAT! AHHHHHHH!#*runs down the hill screaming*

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asciuto · 5 months

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Elementary (Taylor's Version) // I believe that we were supposed to find this

honorable mention:

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chick-it-out · 11 months

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happy bday 2 me [wishlist]

#idk this year feels special #never thought i would make it past my late teens early twenties chapter tbh #life has been good! good for now #everything from here just feels like a sweet bonus #and it's all brand new #glad to live and to be alive to experience this stuff :)#glad You are here too!#also please don't spend none $ on me unless you got enough to treat yourself too #i got everything i need!!!! this stuff's just treats. you deserve treats first and more #ramblin......#hey thanks for bein on the chicken blog thanks for bein around #thank u for the gift of You !#ilu

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lila-oh · 10 months

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"- Good job 'Fei, 'Ro's in another space. I totally lost my boyfriend. - What about you? Not reading the book I gave you? - Me? Naaah, I'm a streetrat remember? Gotta maintain the reputation."

I made this for the @gundamzine. I just want them to be fine now.

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