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allmyloveandyours · 10 months

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Bullying, Harassment, and Misunderstanding on Astro Tumblr: Zeldas Notes Edition pt 1. The Catalyst

Hi! Normally I don't like to get myself involved in online drama since, well it's the internet and drama isn't fun. I shouldn't need to explain myself any further.

Recently a well known account @zeldasnotes, has been involved in a bit of drama and has started slut shaming and attacking the character of someone I've recently become friend with for a misunderstanding. This isn't meant to bully her or attack her in any way, however we have recently found out she continues to talk about me, @evangelinesbible, and @d4rkpluto, for the last two weeks. Obviously we have talked about it as well, I'll never deny that, however it's not bullying. She may call this bullying, though.

Obviously that isn't a lot of time but I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible. I believe the only reason she had yet to harass me is because she 1. Doesn't know my Tumblr username and 2. Doesn't have a physical appearance to attack like she does Evangeline.

Before we get started I'd like to give some context to where this conversation happened.

@d4rkpluto made a discord (that is still open btw it's very fun there) that was meant to host a cool yearbook like event for some people in astro tumblr, the cap was put at roughly 20 people. We all tried our best to get to know each other despite some social mismatching such as language barriers (there will be more on that later). Most of us liked to talk about real life problems along with astrology as we were all friends, but Zelda's had become worrying very fast as she would only most post crime (no hate to true crime, but I don't like waking up to messages about a murdered person and how their chart "predicted it", but that's for another part) and her almost insane personal/love life. Eventually, someone decided to ask her about it out of concern. For the record I did not, as I don't know her personally and I seemed like she was someone content with being in bad situations as she never gave a timestamp of the things she talked about.

This is the conversation that occurred when she was questioned about it.

After that we noticed she left the discord roughly a day later (she probably left right after though), and she blocked/unfollowed everyone but me (lmao), and for that week it became a brief inside joke that if you were acting like Zelda, you we're simply being defensive for no reason.

Now that this part is over,

Pt 2. The DMs

Now this is where we get to the part where I drew the line, where I decided to get on my clicky keyboard and say some shit.

To reiterate, this hasn't been going on for that long. Obviously she was still fresh in our minds and we did bring her up. There was no bullying or lying. Simply a couple of jokes about her being defensive. I will admit, I tried my best to not joke as Zelda is clearly a volatile person and if the small jokes got to her, I figured she'd make a fuss. She did.

On July 26th (fun fact, you can look things up on discord chats) at roughly 10pm she had messaged Evangeline.

Obviously this doesn't make us look THE BEST (I'm aware), however gossip is a normal and human thing as long as not done in excess (imo, this was the biggest conversation we'd had about her since she'd left).

Now this is where I officially come in. I'm #1 Timeout Champion (thats the TC in my name).

I was the one who took the screenshots of the discord channel invite post, as I had found it weird she'd made a discord around July 19th soon after leaving ours. Not that it was my business, but it just made me laugh, and I was feeling weird about it. That is the reason likes were talked about.

I will say this did get made fun of because of what was talked about in the screenshot above, as that was after (check the dates).

Shortly after Eva had received that DM, I'd gotten on call with Eva to make sure she was alright, and she had messaged the discord about the message.

This is where we all started accusing each other of screenshotting the chat. I do understand if you have friends outside of a discord, and I do understand defending yourself, I'm not policing who can and can't be friends. If someone was gossiping about my friend, I'd do the same shit.

But it got worse.

I apologize beforehand for the cropping as these are from Eva (obviously).

Keep in mind every DM screenshot I share is sent between 9/10pm-4am for Eva and I while we were on call.

Keep in mind the photo's of Eva's she's referring to are public and things she wore in public and to a concert, a BEYONCE CONCERT, and then posted images of, ON A PUBLIC SITE, SEVERAL might I add.

She did not call Zelda pathetic, but her actions. I believe there is a difference.

I do feel the need to state here that I feel partially responsible for the harassment here, as I try my best to support Eva in any way that I can to achieve her goals, and I did push her to post about herself more as I like her style and think she's pretty. I did not think that it would be brought up in this style.

Because it shouldn't have been. This should've been a civil (albeit catty) conversation of "talking talk about me, please and thank you". I've had these conversations at a younger age and they've gone very well.

But it kept going as Eva defended herself.

I could be wrong about the screenshot thing, however I did find weird posts asking about where the discord had gone, and Zelda said she didn't have one even thought it was roughly and hour after she'd made the post, along with DMs from someone later about the discord.

The last bit is talking about this:

Yeah so they were talking about people they found attractive (Zelda is clearly in the conversation) and Eva was referencing fictional characters. Imma be fr I feel like you can tell she was joking the entire convo was just about their crushes real and fictional, Zelda then talked about someone who was murdered somehow worked that into the convo.

Just thought I'd include that if we're talking about crushes why the fuck is this shit being brought up but that's clearly more personal opinion.

So that's the entire conversation with Eva. It seemed to just be her trying to get Eva on a nonexistent "gotcha moment" and berating hr for her appearance and making an out of context screenshot more out of context.

Meanwhile in the discord, we'd been trying to figure out who had sent the screenshot, as we should it went from them talking behind the scenes (perfectly fine), getting upset (again fine), and then harassing (not fine) Eva, keeping in mind, Zelda is most likely older than Eva.

Eva being 19, an Zelda being between 22-26 based on her history.

Pt. 3: We figure out who it was this gets no cool title

We thought it was roughly 3 people, two who don't need to be involved and but the last will definitely be mentioned: @a-d-noxd-nox.

The first two people were just people in both Discords, one of us just confirming our convo from earlier when I said it was probably darker topics (which isn't relevant to me). From my perspective, I was fine with Adnox. I hadn't talked to her as much but she seemed okay. I'd wanted to get to know her more and at some point we'd spoken about watching Twilight but that fell through.

So we kicked out Ad-nox, and figured out it was her through process of elimination. I'll slowly start wrapping it up as around the time we kick Adnox out, Zelda had stopped. We still don't know why Adnox decided to shit on Eva specifically. I would love to know personally, but Eva herself doesn't care.

After that, we decided to let people in as seen in an earlier screenshot. We'd simply wanted more friends and it felt weird having an astrology tumblr, but not having a lot of people being in there.

So obliviously we asked if they mentioned us (we wanted to know), they had fairly recently, and we got this exchange with Zelda and some members of her discord:

I've cropped them a bit and censored people I don't believe to be relevant but I hate to be the bearer of bad news: No one is bullying you.

No one is mad you started a discord. It was simply funny for reasons stated above.

No one from this situation has sent hate to your inbox. No one cares enough.

No one asked you to post about true crime. I may have interacted with some on a irregular basis because I like to be friendly.\

We have made jokes. Because you lying is funny and Pluto is known for this, same way you're known for doing this shit.

I will once again state: Talking and joking about a situation you're in is human. This is the internet. This is not real life. Slut shaming a girl younger than you and fixating on her body and photos while preaching about being a good person is fuck-awful, along with lying to others about what happened in order to seem like the victim.

You're not a victim. You decided to fight people in the server when asked about why you choose to be in relationships with criminals and hang around generally questionable people. You took it as a personal attack when reaction images were posted. I can understand that may have felt bad at the time, but that;'s the moment we're you send a "Hello, it really hurt my feelings when..." Rather than a "Keep posting those nude photos" conversation. You wanted to your gotcha moment to prove you were right rather an accept this was a situation where no one was the winner.

Blaming your placements for your behavior will get you, a grown woman, no where. Keeping in mind, your chart is practically Eva and I's combined.

So from people who have a "Scorpio MC" (somethings she's blamed for her behavior), and from someone who has "Mercury square Pluto", it's just you. All of this behavior and the body shaming, the lying, to over exaggerating, it's just you.

You went after Evangeline for a reason. You had an existing relationship with Pluto, in which it seems like you guys were good friends before you did this. It could've been dealt with in a proper and friendly manner, but you chose to make fun of the 19 year old with I assume, a smaller amount of followers, and someone who is less likely to fight you, and someone who won't cause shit.

Great. Good Job.

#astrology #astrology observations #astro notes #astrology notes #astrology tumblr #zodiac #synastry #aries #taurus #cancer #gemini #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #aquarius #pisces #capricorn #sagittarius

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foxaftershocks · 1 month

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Hi!! I just wanna say first that I absolutely adore ur writing :) and I've literally never done this before, tbh, so I'm so sry if I've done anything wrong or smth. :)

But I wanted to suggest maybe a reader thats also an engineer and scientist for the Ghostbusters, who Lars always considered less able than him since reader was quite quiet, and would run their expermients in peace, never rly interacting with people. Until one day reader is talking to lucky or phoebe or smth, and goes off on a tangent when talking abt smth they're working on, and it's a very sudden realisation to him that reader is actually rly knowledgeable, that their intelligence is much greater than he anticipated.

Totally fine if u don't wanna write it, remember to take care of urself!! <3

I always take care of myself <3 you did nothing wrong, a totally perfect request. I hope you like it

You were sitting across the room from Lars, absorbed in your work, headphones on as your head nodded in time to the beat of whatever music you were listening to. He hadn’t heard you arrive that morning. Not an unusual situation. He never heard much from you ever.

You seemed to be so unaware of his gaze on you, watching as your hands moved, fingers typing, adjusting your equipment, writing something down in a notebook. That was something he’d noticed. You kept paper notes.

Insane. Absolutely nuts.

Your head tilted up and he realised he’d been caught watching. His nose wrinkled and he looked back to his own work. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t busy. He had enough to get on with.

There was no reason for you to be there. He kept trying to figure out what it was you did, what you contributed to the lab. You kept to yourself and no one else could tell him what it was you did. You preferred to work alone, and while he could empathise with that as someone who didn’t love working in a team, he did enjoy leading a team of researchers. You’d never agreed to joining him.

He had to assume it’s because you knew you weren’t up to the task.

When he next looked up, you were gone. The workstation was empty and there was nothing to indicate where you’d gone. He couldn’t imagine you were rushing off to tell someone of a great discovery.

You’d never had one before now.

It wasn’t that he felt contempt for you. Surely there was a reason you’d been hired. He just thought everyone should be on his level and you just weren’t. The proof was in the output.

Stretching, arms above his head, he figured it was time for another cup of tea, the one he’d made earlier having gotten cold as he lost himself in his work. Taking the mug, he sauntered towards the small kitchen set up in the back corner.

“So if I can just figure out where the spectrometer has gone then I think I’ll be back on track.”

He paused outside the door. That was your voice. At least, he was pretty sure it was. From the few times he’d heard it he thought it probably was.

There was something there in your voice, not something he’d heard from you before. It was close to excitement. Lingering out of sight, he continued to listen. He certainly wasn’t about to offer the information that he had the spectrometer you were looking for. It would be put to better work in his possession.

“You really think you’ll be able to figure it out?” That would be Lucky. He didn’t realise the two of you talked. Lucky was meant to be his intern, not yours. He didn’t know why it rankled him so much.

“Sure. I mean, Nadeem keeps letting me study him to figure out where the source of his magic is so… I can’t see why I wouldn’t,” you said, “oh but you remember when I hooked him up to the EEG machine?”

“Yeah. You got those weird readings, right?” Lucky prompted.

“Right and I spent hours staring at them trying to work it out. And then inspiration struck. So I thought maybe there was some kind of electrical field going on. Which would be crazy because usually we don’t think the two are linked. But fire conducts electricity and so can humans. So what if the magic is connected to ions? Seems simple, right? Only, the electrical charge usually comes from the gas around the flame rather than the flame itself. So does he actually manipulate the gas? Or, is it this pyrotron subatomic particle we haven’t found yet? I mean, in order to prove that one I have to find quarks in isolation and I think that would rock the science community more than proving the science behind pyrokinesis,” you said, almost all in one breath.

It was easily the most he’d ever heard you say before.

“Because in order to prove that I’d need to show that Nadeem is manipulating pyrotrons with psychic powers, probably through the electric signals in his brain, and making them hit isolated quarks, which don’t exist so… I’m back to looking at electricity in flames because clearly it’s to do with the electrical activity in his brain,” you said, with a sigh at the end.

Lars felt his breath catch. There was so much going on in your brain, so many thoughts, so many theories, and you were investigating something he hadn’t even considered looking at. Maybe that’s why you always worked alone. Your projects were on things no one considered researching. You looked at the world differently.

It was… refreshing.

He’d thought you’d ket silent because you knew you couldn’t keep up with the rest of the scientists. Instead, it looked as if you kept silent because your research was so different from everyone else’s. They were so focused on ghosts. You were trying to understand everything in its entirety.

He felt dumbstruck. Everything he thought he knew was wrong. It wasn’t usual for him and he felt on the backfoot. It was like you’d been lying to him but for that to be true you would have had to have talked to him. This was so much worse. This was him lying to himself.

You were so much smarter than he’d thought and it left him questioning so many things.

Walking through the door, he felt combative, like he wanted to start a fight. Your voice died as he did, eyes widening when you saw him. He offered a tight smile, pouring out the cold tea into the sink. He glanced over his shoulder, finding you turning away.

“I’ll see you later,” you mumbled to Lucky.

You slipped out of the room, not even offering him another look. He scrubbed at the mug, not wanting to bother making another cup, taking his frustration out on it.

“Rough day?” Lucky asked, sliding up to him.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he replied.

“No sweat,” she said, “but maybe don’t glare at people when you enter a room. It sure does clear it.”

He didn’t have a response to that, refusing to be shamed by a teenager. He left the mug on the rack to dry and walked out of the room, lips pursed, trying to work out how to feel about everything. He wasn’t used to feeling stupid and yet that’s where he was. He’d judged you because he never heard you talk. Because you kept to yourself. Because you didn’t feel the need to show off like the others around the lab did.

You were sitting in his sight again, the headphones back in place over your ear, pen tapping your notebook in time with your music. You didn’t even look up when he sat down, staring at you. If he allowed himself to admit it, you were lovely to look at. Even trapped in a world of your own, there was something there that he found pleasing. You were soft, like the worries of the world had never curved your shoulders, and your wide eyed gaze left him feeling like there was no pretence. You had never lied. He’d just been a fool.

He stood, hands already grasping the spectrometer he’d stashed in the storage behind his desk. trying to project confidence, he sauntered over with it. Placing it down in front of you, he waited a moment for you to notice. Your gaze dragged up to him and once again he was struck by how lovely your face was. You were slow to tug he headphones off, leaving them hanging around your neck.

“I heard you were looking for this,” he said.

You looked down at the machine in front of you then back up to him. There was a slight curve to your lips, an almost smile marred with a hint of confusion. Your eyelashes fluttered and you tilted your head down, looking back to the spectrometer.

“Thank you,” you said, voice sweet.

It was a sudden thought that he could probably listen to you talk for hours. Not that he’d ever be offered the chance.

“And uh, if you ever need help or want to talk through anything.” His hand came up, rubbing at the back of his neck. He hadn’t felt this awkward since his university days, “I’m just over there. I don’t know if you know. You seem to keep to yourself. So maybe you don’t want the interruption. But yeah, I’m just over there if you need anything.”

Christ, he was rambling. It wasn’t like you were the first pretty girl he’d ever talked to. He didn’t even have a crush on you. What was wrong with him today?

“I’m sure you’re too busy to help me,” you replied, voice quiet and far more put together than him, “you’re always working on something.”

“Oh,” he said, shoulders deflating. You were being polite but of course you didn’t want his help. Especially when you seemed to be a genius in your own right and more than capable of being brilliant without his input.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the offer. But you’re working on important things and I don’t want to bother you with my stuff. You’re probably working on some new weapon that will save someone’s life or something. My stuff is pretty silly in comparison.” Your head was bowed and he wished he could see the expression in your eyes.

“All science is important,” he said.

“No, I know but you know, my stuff isn’t saving the world like yours so, I don’t want to take time away from that,” you said, voice growing quieter the further along you went.

“I’m always happy to help,” he said, hoping it would be enough.

Your eyes darted up to him and he saw panic there. He took a step back, reeling from the look. He knew he wasn’t always the friendliest guy but this was a not the kind of reaction he ever expected from his words, especially when they were meant to be nice. He took another step back.

“Right, well, I’ll stop bothering you,” he said.

Thrusting his hands in his pockets, he wandered back to his own station, shoulders curved forward, trying to figure out what he’d done wrong. Other than ignore you, he couldn’t think of anything you would know about. It’s not as if his thoughts were broadcast over the tannoy system.

Only he hadn’t really been ignoring you, had he? He’d noticed you enough to form an opinion. He watched you. He’d grown used to your habits. He thought about you. Earlier that day he’d been watching you. There was no way he could pretend like you had been a non-entity in his life.

When he looked up at you again, your head dipped down as if you’re been looking at him just a moment ago. He found a flutter in his stomach, like a butterfly taking flight. The thought of you watching him was pleasing. Unless it was because you were wary of him and felt you had to keep an eye on him.

Finally taking the chance, he went to make himself another cup of tea, if only to try and ease you again. Maybe his presence made you uncomfortable. He didn’t like the thought that he made you uncomfortable.

He decided perhaps to keep his distance for a while.

A few days and he stayed away. He didn’t try to engage you in conversation, allowing himself to watch you when he thought you wouldn’t notice. The more attention he paid, the more he realised exactly how wrong he’d been. You kept to yourself, but you were confident in what you were doing. Something had alighted in him, the flame fanned by your confidence. Someone so capable at science was a turn on. He hadn’t expected that. He should have. But he hadn’t.

And he should have expected to hear you in the kitchen again.

“I just find him really intimidating,” you said, just through the doorway.

“Why?” Lucky laughed.

“He’s so smart and I know you’re going to make fun of me for this, but he’s really handsome. I’ve never been good around smart pretty people,” you said.

He lent closer, wanting to hear more. He didn’t know who you were talking about and the thought someone else in the lab was receiving such compliments made him feel disgruntled.

“Just talk to him,” Lucky said, “he’s not that scary.”

“I can’t,” you whined, “I get all tongue tied around him and he offered to help me and I just… I totally put my foot in it.”

Who else had been offering you help? He would hunt them down and make it clear to stay away from you. Or, no, that would just make you more scared of him. He had to gentle dissuade them from helping you.

“Yeah, trust me, he’s done that plenty of times,” Lucky snorted, “seriously, just talk to him again. Two awkward nerds deserve each other.”

You gave a small chuckle and he could imagine the soft smile on you face, small, underfed, and yet still there.

“I didn’t think he even know I existed,” you eventually said.

“Look, Pinfield is awkward and not always nice. But it sounds like at the very least he’s never outright insulted you. That’s more than Dan over in R&D can say,” Lucky said.

Pinfield. He was Pinfield. You were talking about him.

“Yeah, well, you crush on guys who actually give you the time of day. I crush on the silent guy who’s science is brilliant but who couldn’t be bothered with so much as a hello,” you said.

That wasn’t true, was it? He’d offered you help. And then gone back to not talking to you at all. He’d gone about this all wrong.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t take my frustration out on you,” you said.

“No, you should take it out on him.”

This was met with silence before Lucky’s laughter burst out, loud and long and he could inly imagine the look on your face. Not that he wouldn’t enjoy… He was sure it would be… Well, he was very open to it if the chance arose.

He slipped away to mull over what he’d overheard. He intimidated you. Because you had a crush on him. And you thought he didn’t like you in any way, that he didn’t even notice you.

Yeah, he’d fucked that one up. No one but himself to blame.

He paid attention for when you returned to your work station, across the other side of the room, quiet and focused. And beautiful. How hadn’t he thought that before? Or rather, how hadn’t he noticed it?

He was so caught up in his own assumptions about you he hadn’t taken the time to notice. He cursed his past self for being so caught up in his own ego to notice what was sitting right under his nose.

Steeling himself, he rose and made his way over to you. He loitered across the bench from you. You were still listening to music and hadn’t seemed to notice him. Tapping his finger on your notebook, he tried to get your attention. You looked up, startled, eyes widening when you laid eyes on him.

“I was thinking of going out for lunch and was wondering if you wanted to join me,” he said, trying to sound confident but also approachable. He realised he was treating you like an animal prone to startling.

“Oh, uh, I actually brought lunch today,” you said.

“Maybe tomorrow?” he asked, “I’d love to hear more about your work.”

“Why?” You sounded so bewildered it was almost offensive.

“I don’t know much about what you’ve been working on. Is it so odd I might want to know about it?” he asked.

“You’ve never asked before. Have I done something wrong? Because if I have I’m really sorry and I’ll stop doing whatever it is,” tumbled from your lips and he was reminded that you found him intimidating, “I really am sorry. If you just let me know what it is I can stop doing it.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” he was quick to say before you could continue rambling an apology for something that hadn’t happened, “I’m just interested in what you’re working on.”

“Why?” You sounded defensive now.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was trying. He was really trying. And you just weren’t getting it. You were making it so difficult.

When he opened his eyes you were frozen, as if waiting to be told off. Taking a deep breath in, he offered you a smile, his best attempt as he tried to when he felt such roiling emotions.

“You’re an asset to our team and you’re working on things I’m not involved in. I’m curious. That’s all,” he said, desperate to put you at ease.

“Oh.” You voice was so quiet.

“If you don’t want my company I understand. I thought it would be nice to get to know one another a bit better. Whatever. I see I was wrong.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away from you. He must have misheard. Clearly you and Lucky hadn’t been talking about him.

“Wait,” you said. He paused, looking back at you over his shoulder, “lunch would be nice.”

His shoulders relaxed and he let the corner of his lips curl up in a small smile. Your answering one stole his breath.

“Come on then,” he said.

You hopped off your stool and he realised you didn’t even come up to his shoulder. He could wrap you up in his arms and you would be completely engulfed in him. He found that thought tempting.

Walking beside him as you left the lab, you weren’t looking at him, gaze turned towards your feet. His hand closed around your arm, steering you in the right direction. You looked up at him, eyelashes fluttering. His head dipped towards you, not able to stop himself. There was something about you.

He spent the entire lunch watching you, basking in your presence. You were slow to open up, answering his questions about your work softly. But once he got you going, your eyes sparked and the words tumbled from your lips faster than he could have thought possible. Your passion was clear and it only drew him in further.

“I dunno. Maybe’s its stupid,” you said, tucking some hair behind your ear.

“I don’t think it sounds stupid at all,” he said and noticed the way that seemed to turn you bashful. Your chin dipped and you couldn’t look at him. He lent forward again, over the table, trying to catch your eye, “you sound like you know what you’re talking about.”

It was a quick flash of a smile, that same piece of hair falling forward again. You reached up to tuck it back again but his fingers were already there, doing it for you. You looked up, mouth falling open but you didn’t seem to be drawing back from him. His fingertips brushed over your jaw before he retracted his hand, pulling it back to his side of the table.

“Oh,” you said, almost a whisper, practically nothing but the movement of lips without sound.

“I’d like to do this again,” he said, assuming honesty was better than beating around the bush.

The look of surprise that passed over your face wasn’t what he’d been hoping for. But then you softened, that small smile reappearing.

“Really?” you asked.

“Sure. I find myself fascinated by you,” he said.

“Like I’m one of your experiments?”

He hadn’t expected that.

“No. Christ no,” he said, perhaps louder than intended, “fascinated like I like you.”

“Oh.”

“Can you say something other than that,” he demanded, then realised that wasn’t a good idea, “please?”

“Okay,” you said, giving him a shallow nod, “we can do this again.”

“We can?” He brightened, “we can.”

“But only because I like you too,” you said, not looking at him again.

So he had heard right. He felt a sense of satisfaction hearing the words from you. He would never admit it, but it wasn’t often someone liked him. Maybe that’s why he’d been doing so badly with you. Or not so badly since you were going to go out with him again.

He led you back to the lab, hand resting on the small of your back, the material of your jumper soft against his skin. You were half a step closer, leaning into his touch more.

It was a good sign.

Thank god he’s listened in to your conversation with Lucky otherwise he never would have been able to find you. And he thought you might be changing his life for the better. Your smile was already capable of brightening his day.

He was excited to see what was to come with you.

#lars pinfield #lars pinfield imagine #lars pinfield x reader #request #anon

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pokestudentjune · 3 months

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Hello all! My name is June (she/her) and I am a university student from Hoenn, majoring in pokemon biology and horticulture! I'm currently traveling in order to gain as much knowledge as possible thanks to a scholarship from my uni. I hope to maybe make it as a pokemon professor-- and if not, perhaps open up my own plant + grass type conservatory!

In all honesty I'm pretty new to this whole rotomblr stuff, and I'm not all to osure how to work it that well.. But I'd still like someplace to document my life and experiences, as well as share my knowledge about pokemon and plants! Got plenty of cute pics of my pokemon and the ones I meet as well! Please feel free to reach out with asks about myself, my pokemon, or anything in general-- I'll do my best to answer to the best of my ability :)

Here is my current travel team!

Lotus the Ivsaur

Modest, highly persistent. A water lotus variant Ivysaur with a water/grass typing, and practically my soulmate. My first officially owned pokemon, gotten from my grandmothers venusaur as a child. Lotus has grown and matured with me through the years, and is always looking out for me! Shes trained in battle and performance, but we have since retired from coordinating and she'd rather sit back and experience life as it comes.

Scout the Lopunny

Sassy, likes to fight. One of my first wild-caught pokemon, and both me and Lotus's best friend. Shes quite a fan of my more feminine interests, often asking to share my clothes and music. Shes definitely one of my more battle + performance savvy pokemon, and we're working on learning mega evolution together! She wears a light blue letterman jacket I bought for her once, she wanted to dress similarly to an idol group we saw online once!

Grim the Joltik

Jolly, very finicky. He is literally the sweetest little baby ever. He was an unexpected capture, having hopped onto my phone one day and refusing to leave. He loves to suck out the battery life from practically my devices which drives me insane, but I wouldnt trade him for the world. Despite being small for the past few years, I think he doesnt want to evolve which is fine by me! I think he enjoys riding on my head or shoulder.

Jasper the Typhlosion

Rash, quick to fight. A large, bulky, fluffy, shiny typhlosion with a scar across his muzzle. Rescued from a "backyard zoo" situation, it took a long long time to fully gain his trust, but it was worth it. Hes very standoffish but protective of me and the team. Lotus was a big help in calming him during the beginning, and now he enjoys battling to blow off some steam.

Harlequin the Banette

Quirky, impetuous and silly. Perhaps my first ever pokemon friend. We met when I was a small child and he was still a shuppet. Its a bit of a long story, but he stuck through with me during some negative times within my early years even as a wild pokemon, and would frequently visit to keep me entertained through the years. I didn't catch him for many years, but one day after being a trainer for a while, I asked him if he'd like to join my team and has stuck around since. He wears a chunky bandana on his neck thats practically the size of him.

Jade the Noivern

Adamant, alert to sounds. One of the newer additions to the group, i had caught her within a cave and she showed fighting spirit right off the bat. I took the time to train her in between my studies and she evolved into a speed demon. She absolutely LOVES flying and I myself had always wanted to ride on a flying pokemons back, so its a win-win. She looks up to Jasper, and they often spar together.

I have plenty of other pokemon back at home that I'll introduce when the time comes, but these are the ones I think are best suited to help me during my studies! Perhaps I'll switch around the team, maybe I wont. It takes a while to transfer pokemon across regions but who knows where life will take me!

// OOC

Hello hello! Just like June, I am very unfamilliar with tumblr as its been years since I last used it, but I've been religiously stalking rotomblr for years now and i figured its my time to make a blog! Heres a few things about how I'll be running this blog :3

• This will be a mix of anime and game, keeping it semi realistic as I love biology and science but still want to keep some magic from the pokemon games included!

• June is basically a self insert so no weird stuff!

•For Junes universe, fakemon, sentient pokemon, or pokemon/human hybrids or anything similar to that doesnt exist-- again, I'm keeping it a bit semi realistic. Pokemon crossbreeds are fine though!

• This is very casual!! Just for fun slice of life blog :3

• In this world, legendaries are gods and greatly affect the environment, so June may not interact with those who "own" legendaries because she greatly frowns upon messing with the natural order of things.

• Feel free to dm me or send me asks ! I'd love to get to know the community more :)

• Also i might not do many fully pieces and more colored sketches because I am very busy irl unfortunately

• Im okay with interactions from other OCs and canon characters !

If you want to see my art look at #june pics ! working on tags for informational stuff but #june talks will have some fun pokemon info + junes story so far!

• Pelliper Mail is : OPEN

• Magic Anon is : CLOSED

#pokemon #pokemon irl #roleplay #pkmn rp #rotomblr #introduction #pkmn irl #pkmn fanart #pkmn blog #pkmn oc #pokemon blog #pokémon #pokeblogging #june talks #june pics

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riridontneedya · 1 year

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Emerald . (D.M ONESHOT)

Summary: The truth is this was a random one shot idea I had over the Christmas and after about 3 gin and tonics I had a crack at writing it so tada here it is ! I've glossed over it corrected grammar etc but I tried to keep it in its original tipsy state lol.

Actual summary: Female reader finds herself left alone at house party with her enemies older brother.

An 'Enemies' brother one shot . So think best friends brother style troupe but instead you're not best friends you aren't particularly fond of one another.

Pairing: Draco x female reader

Warnings: ANGST , Mature themes ,Mature Language , BRIEF SEXUAL EXPLICIT SCENE . Read at your own discretion.

Words: 1505

A/ns: Enjoy angels ! if its put you in the mood for more have a look at my other work HERE . Requests open & constructive feedback welcomed :) xx

Something was off an y/n should’ve known better . It was eerily quiet as she made her way to her dorm. By this time the corridors would’ve been bustling with handfuls of students. Especially during exam season , you could find them all hunched over books in corners or frantically scribbling in notebooks .. but today nothing . Maybe the exam pressure has gotten far too much for them and their either hiding out in the library or dorms cramming as much as possible she thought to herself. Either way y/n was enjoying the newfound peace , but that was short-lived as she entered the common room. Y/n was almost hurtled backwards by the blast of music that was emitted as she opened the door.

The room itself was dark but the vibrant bursts of colour from the strobe lights illuminated the outlines of the sea of students. It was only yesterday y/n specifically remembered pleading with her roommate Tina for peace and quiet , and that her mere existence was not a viable excuse for a party .But alas the large and in charge buxom blonde was very much used to getting her own way. Y/n was determined to elbow her way through the pit of bodies and give Tina a piece of her mind. That was before she stumbled in the darkness and came crashing to the floor. Y/n was now seething. The infuriation coupled with the pain in her leg from hurtling to the floor made her want nothing more than to just get to her room. She stormed up the stairs making a beeline to her bathroom ensuring to slam her door shut behind her. Leaning by the sink she took a moment to compose herself splashing her face with some cool water letting it subside her rage.

Just then the door swung open and in strode a disgruntled looking Draco. He was rather startled once he turned around to notice the equally startled y/n leant by the sink. “Oh .. I'm sorry I didn’t realise anyone would be up here its absolutely heaving down there , I just wanted five minutes to myself”. He said as he fiddled with the paper on his beer bottle. “Umm Thats fine..” said y/n with a half smile. There was a prolonged silence. Even if Y/n had wanted to break said silence she wouldn’t even have a clue how to begin to do so. This was her first real one on one interaction with him aside from the exchange of the usual pleasantries or the occasional muttered “Hello” of polite acknowledgement if they happened to pass one another in the hallways.

Any merger shreds of information she did know of him was courtesy of his sister, and y/n knew much better than to relay that sort of information . “Your leg” Draco murmured as he took a swig of his beer. Y/n swiftly looked down at the gaping hole in her tights situated on her thigh. She had noticed that it had begun to bleed. “Oh crap” instinctively she went to reach for some toilet paper, however her path was obstructed by Dracos broad turtleneck ladened chest. “Could you grab me some loo roll please” she asked politely. He took one more swig from his beer before resting it on the countertop. He plucked the roll from off the dispenser and handed it to her. His pale blue eyes boring into her with a wild intensity whilst he watched her dab at her wound.

He grew impatient watching her feeble dabbing attempts. “You won’t stop it like that” . Y/n paused as her eyes met his . “Here let me” he demanded making his way towards her. Y/n felt a fizzing sensation at the base of her stomach that began to disperse through her body as he closed the space between them. “Take them off” he instructed coolly. Y/n felt her eyes bulge upon hearing his request “Sorry .. what ?” She croaked. Draco remained unfazed “You heard me .. I said take them off .. your tights y/n do you want my help or not?”. In fairness it wasn’t an abhorrently bizarre request but it was who was requesting it that had her on edge. She could feel the fizzing sensation being to intensify as he carefully watched her disrobe her lower half. Without warning he had lifted her and perched her onto the countertop.

The cool of his rings clasping against her warm skin made her shudder . “Did I hurt you?” he questioned his hand gently rubbing in a circular motion on her outer thigh. “No , your hand was cold thats all” she smiled. “Ok.. thats good .. I want to make sure you're comfortable.. you’d tell me if you weren’t right?” “Of course” y/n replied in an instant. “ Good girl” he said followed by an effortless wink . Y/n never noticed he had this sort of potent allure, it were as if he was the flame and she the moth . Unable to deviate her gaze she watched on as he applied pressure to her cut despite usually being quite squeamish .

His eyes shot up and caught y/ns. She froze locked into his stare. “Fuck it” he blurted pulling y/n towards him and crashing his lips into hers. The kiss was loaded with an intense passion. Y/ns arms sloped around his neck pulling him closer into her as his hands ventured up her bare thighs. “Do you want my fingers?” He rasped as he withdrew from her lips. Y/n nodded with urgency. “Good, now spread your legs wider”. He began to skilfully tease her entrance, his fingers becoming slicker and slicker with her arousal making it easier to glide into . Y/n couldn’t help but cry out when he slowly eased them inside her . Flinging her head back she began to moan as the arousal washed over her.

The door of y/ns bedroom opened and closed . The footsteps stopped just shy of the door, and out rang Tinas voice. “Hey babe, Greg told me you had a bit of he fall but you came up here .. not crying are you”. “Fuck” mouthed y/n, Draco dramatically rolled his eyes. His fingers still remained pulsating inside her. “Just tell her to fuck off” he groaned quietly kissing the length of her neck. “Im fine .. you can go now” y/n called out to Tina. Tina began to go one of her usual tangents that attempted to serve as a justification for her continuous impulsive and inconsiderate behaviour. Luckily y/n was rather occupied with the task of stifling her groans into Dracos shoulder so she wasn’t burdened with hearing much of it.

Y/n hoped that silence on her end would serve as a message and she would soon leave however Tina remained rather persistent tonight. “Look, I get it.. like is said sorry.. I guess we can talk about this tomorrow if you prefer.” Thank heavens she caught onto the message thought y/n . There’s was only so much longer she could hold her composure against the now brutal pummelling of his fingers . “Wait .. y/n before I go.. did you see Dray .. someone said they saw him head up here? Ive been meaning to talk to him”

Draco peeled his head from over her shoulder. With his face illuminated he pushed his lips against y/ns ear and groaned “Go on .. I dare you to tell her I'm fingers deep inside you ..tell her how much you're loving being finger fucked by her brother of all people. His chuckle was hearty. He had the power and he very much liked it like that . Dracos arm scooped around her hauling her closer to the edge of the bathroom countertop.

This Granted him more access , allowing him to thrust much deeper as well as coax another finger inside her. Y/n couldn’t help but let out a shriek as immense pleasure jolted through her body Dracos ear to ear grin resembled that of a Cheshire Cat “Oh my gosh y/n ! what the hell is going on in there .. I'm coming in” . “NO! , just fuck off and leave me alone how many times ! Roared y/n. Tinas slew of expletives came thick and fast from the other side of the bathroom door. It was apparent she was displeased with the response she was met with.It was nowhere near as palatable as y/n’s usual begrudging acceptance of her insincere sorries .

Once the screeching had come to an end there was the loud thud of the bedroom door shutting. Y/n hopped of the counter shoving Draco aside. “You arse” she tutted prodding him in the shoulder. “Great now she’s probably going to fucking hex me I've got to go find her now”. With a mischievous grin he took her hand and rested it against his spectacular firm bulge. “You're not going anywhere .. I will deal with her, you just be naked by the time I'm back.

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viviennelamb · 1 month

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movements meanwhile (I don't like talking ab how much moral I am from others since I can be sociopathic too and I don't fucking gave a fuck and I wouldn't wanna be judged for it I would wanna be accepted) my abuser doesn't even fucking feel guilt even when I shake and she hates animals and screams at them and I have things for which I dont feel guilt either everyone has some dif personality however we are so incompatible and hers personality is a danger to others and I should have gotten a restraining order the second I was born and started being fed TRASH on top of it all LOL I am her biggest obsession it's insane. She even tried to molest me and was salivating over my young body and touched me multiple times and forced me to get bather by her till 11. Yet I feel guilt for judging her cause I recognise her as a sentient being I even feel guilt for pitying her. What's in me that possibility caused this if it didn't then how to even judge abusive situations. I always hear about how everything is a lesson or karma and I kept trying to self reflect and all I do is try to answer my existential questions and feel insane guilt for all that happened for my isolation for my over decade long depression that looking back at it also looks like a fucking demon possession or me just needing space? Is it a demon possession just cause I don't engage with others and feel disconnected? Idk but if the thing I judge as abuse had a bad effect on me and destroyed me life often beyond my control then am I the victim and why!? I even turn to astrology to find answers and I find that abuse coming from my mother is somehow predicted in my chart? Lately also I'm realizing how unaware I was of the harm cause to me and ahhhh all this shit is confusing because even if I didnt get abused I am would probably still isolate since I'm a thinker and need fo process reality And liberate myself from Hunan sexuality observe it and the patriarchy from afar cause I can't connect with it however lately I had chances to have small interactions with people dif that abuser and this environment and I noticed how much different I feel but thats not the end, I was never allowed to feel it cause she was always around lol. Screaming abusive monster. Recently I've also watched an interview with an ex Hollywood star, not that popular person and she went through extreme abuse did by her mother and if I remember currently she was praying for it to and it was horrifying. She also had some demonic encounter. Got raped in Hollywood and now spends time with vulnerable harmed animals cause she relates to them but.. What the fuck. There are even abuse stories of people ending disabled cause of their parents. Like millions of these stories. We are in hell or something yet I still feel guilty cause of my internal conflicts existing outside of the abusive situation influencing them like I hate humans I'm depressed(not in the same way as before but still call it depression) and feel the need go rage And hate and sit on the darkness

Become a “sociopath” for good. Become one of those people who endure pain, but can smile through it. Polarities of everything exists. Whenever somebody calls you, something negative, take on the good aspect of it if you are actually good. This is not the time to worry about other people's emotions while neglecting your own.

Just about everybody is isolated—they isolate themselves into groups where everybody reflects the same ideas and sentiments they want to hear. They don't know that they're around a bunch of their reflections and think it's different because they have bodies that appear differently around them, then they become sexually titillated by those individuals.

You are your mother's biggest obsession because you reflect what she wishes she was, but she also despises you for it. Most mothers molest their children in some manner, but people don't know about it and the children think it's normal. A lot of it is medicating their children unnecessarily or being involved in their hygiene even though the child has already been properly taught how to take care of themselves. Even sexual abuse is a mindset and these individuals know when they're being nefarious, but pretend to be concerned.

Whether you're isolated, engaging with others or have all the friends in the world it doesn't matter if you're not healed. People with "support" and a social life kill themselves and are depressed just as often as anybody else. Don't worry about what society says and focus on your health right now and don't concern yourself with astrology and tarot card readings, there's no time for that.

When you're in the midst of abuse your resilience grows significantly. Similar to how a mother gains superhuman strength to save her child from a life threatening situation. If you have time to sit, ponder and think, that is when you should work on healing yourself and not worry about the future. When the time for an emergency comes, you will handle it or don't. There's no point in thinking about it.

You should rage, hate and sit in the darkness if that's what you need. Solitude has always been humanity's default to re-gain balance within. You really don't need people in your ear telling you what to do when you already know.

#ask

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ticklepinions · 11 months

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Welcome to another episode of am I an asshole or just aroace.

Recently I've been in a situation where I've contemplated my sexuality a lot. My best friend has been telling me all about their dating escapades and honestly I'm a bit over it. Obviously as a friend I want to support someone I care about, but I just get into this mood I can't really explain??? I get so disinterested and even feel a bit hurt in a way. So ofc I do some reflecting and I think I found an answer.

A lot of my friendships with people ususlly looked different when they were romantically involved with someone. They would obviously need to prioritize their romantic partner, but sometimes I felt discarded. And i feel like we don't talk about that enough. I mentioned it a bit in my other post but to be pretty much replaced by someone you only know for a short amount of time feels some typa way. And I get it- I won't be priority #1 and I'm okay with that. But I feel like sometimes, men especially, have this toxic idea that their partners become their everything. And in turn, (in my case at least), pay less attention to their friends since their partner is now their sole support system.

So I think there's this small voice in my head telling me that when my friend(s) do find a partner, I'm just gonna be cast aside. I would be absolutely elated if my friend did find someone though, i just know for myself it would be an adjustment.

I feel like loneliness for an aroace person hits a bit different. Especially as I'm getting older, and seeing all of the people I know get into relationships, get married, and/or having kids. My family always asks when I'm going to get a partner (I haven't and probably couldn't come out to them safely). So many times I've been told I haven't found the "right person" or my aroace identity is "just a phase". And it's just gotten so old and bothersome at this point.

I can't even discern what thoughts are my own or the internalized aro/acephobia thats been deeply entrenched in my mind. I feel like I'm trapped in a state of just not knowing. And i get it, I have time, I can discover a different identity that makes more sense for me. But I don't want it!? I feel the most myself being asexual and aromantic (i think!). It's just that having to explain why or justify my existence is getting so exhausting. The way platonic love is just automatically pegged to be the least of all the other loves is just so sad to me.

I know about qprs and honestly they sound pretty dope but idk I might just end up with this loneliness eating away at me. The relationship I'd want with a person just seems so niche and unrealistic. I'm just real tired of living up to others expectations in every sense possible. Tired of not being enough. Tired of being stuck in this in-between of caring so much but not at all.

and I shouldn't have to feel like I have to be in a relationship of any kind to be whole 😩. But I think for myself I'd want it? But not the way society has envisioned it y'know?

#aroace #asexual #aromantic #onionpeelings #i don't think it helps that I'm insecure about literally every aspect of my being #they should invent a life thats not complicated #also I do not have thoughts that flow coherently so thank you for reading this jumbled mess of mine #love seeing people in love but hate that it's not for me? idk #try not to feel like a broken human while aro and/or ace challenge (impossible)#ace #aro #amatonormativity

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technowings · 8 months

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So, while I've been dealing with my hand issues and fighting for unemployment, my dad and brother have had their house foreclosed on and are facing eviction. They have an active gofundme to try to raise some funds for relocation.

If anyone reading this could share it around, it would be most appreciated!

(My anxiety blogging about it under the cut)

I'm doing my best to not be anxious about it, because there's nothing that I can do. I can't give them money because I'm not getting anything in myself, and the little bit of inheritance I have is being drained for bills and necessities. If I give them $$ out of that, then we could easily end up in the same situation, and what good would that do? I feel guilty for thinking this way, but the logical part of my brain keeps reminding me thats its so. Tbh, we'd probably end up in a worse situation given that we're both queer af.

We can't put them up because our apartment is a small 1 bd with barely enough room for us and our two cats as it is. I can't even offer to let them camp in the parking lot/yard because it's not mine to do so and it's shared with the next door businesses.

I honestly didn't know that things had gotten so bad, because neither of them tell me much of anything until the 11th hour. I didn't know about the power bill, or the truck issues until I read the gofundme. Even now my dad tells me the bare minimum. He says he's applied for various assistances so all I can really do is believe him and hope for the best. He still very much has the marine mentality of 'do things yourself'. At least he's finally started to use VA resources (He didn't feel like he qualified for them, having not been in active combat).

I feel like a bad kid/sibling because I can't help them, but I also have to remember that I can't set myself on fire to keep others warm. I told my bro I'd share the link, but I have a very small online presence. There isn't anything else I can do, and it sucks. All I can do is hope that they'll be ok.

#techno babble #gofundme #signal boost #I've anxietied about this so much today I've given myself heartburn...#homelessness

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aroaceconfessions · 2 years

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this is kind of a rant but i am the only aroace in my friend group and i have another friend outside of the friend group and im starting to get just a little tired of hearing about their relationships. dont get me wrong im absolutely happy for them and i support their relationships 100% but my friends have been ignoring me for weeks and only come running whenever there's something wrong or whenever they need something and im just so tired. im sick of being the friend who's always available and then no one is there for me when i need them. hell, no one is there for me ever it feels like.

but whenever im on call with one of them its always something negative or something happened between them and their partner who I've never even met btw so how the hell am i supposed to respond to the situation that they're describing to me?

i love that my friends found happiness and trust in someone, i love that they're happy with their partners but am i selfish for just wanting to talk to my friends for even just a little while about something thats not negative or about their relationship? i dont wanna be the fucking therapist friend thats being taken advantage of, but i ended up being that way.

i just hate feeling less important ever since they've gotten partners but now i feel absolutely unimportant. like all those years of friendship dont mean anything anymore.

i just know personally that if i ever were to feel romantic interest in someone and get into a relationship, i wouldn't treat my friends as if they were less important than my partner. there is absolutely no doubt in my mind about it. a lot of ppl would say "you never know until it happens to you" NO, I KNOW because i dont want ppl to feel how i feel right now.

idk i just hate how theres this idea that romantic relationships are more important than your friends because now im feeling the reality of it. i thought my friends were different but i guess not.

i love being aroace. i love being free and true to myself. i love the fact that i dont need another person to fulfill me the way that society expects it to be. but DAMN it can also be a kind of lonely experience for those who were especially close to their friends and started drifting apart cause of their relationships. like i said im happy for them and of course i want them to spend time with their partners. but recently it feels like I'm the only one contributing to the friendship and i feel like im about to give up on all of them and stay completely alone. im just done.

#get new friends op #aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #friends #friendship #amatonormativity

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collectiveofdumbasses · 21 days

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DID is lowkey terrifying at times.

I've had times where I've "woken up" and found myself in dangerous situations.

I've had to go back and read terrible things I would never say to people, but one of my alters did.

Hell, hosts before me have literally woken up in fields with no idea how they got there.

I try to keep optimistic about it, but it's so hard sometimes.

Hell, my boyfriend is a member of my system! I love him more than anything, but I know I will never be able to cuddle him or anything outside of headspace.

I'm lucky that our out of system partners are so understanding, but with how my mental health has been lately, all of my partners are struggling to help me.

It's gotten to the point where I'm worse mentally than I was when I was with my abusive ex.

I've gotten extremely paranoid, I can't even use the bathroom without having a panic attack if my roommate is home because her existence is triggering to me after everything thats happened with her.

My mood swings have gotten so bad, I was in a place where they were manageable before everything happened, but now I can't even be calmed down by my boyfriend.

So much shit keeps happening. My fucking father/rapist died (no justice for me, fuck him), turns out roommate is in love with me, I can't sleep without nightmares, I have to lock my door at night, I can't even exist without being high, I'm constantly breaking down, etc.

I just.... I want things to be better again. I want to go back to a month ago

#vent #aura #was gonna be a DID post but turned into a vent #tw sa mention

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hornynofilter · 3 months

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This happened to me about 3 weeks ago so I'm still processing the whole thing, but I thought you might appreciate this situation. I've been pretty sure I'm bisexual for awhile now and lately I've gotten way more curious about being with men. There's a bathhouse not too far from my place and I decided to visit one night. As soon as I stripped down in the locker room and started walking around the place in a towel, I began to feel very intimidated and out of my element. I was curious about being with another guy but I was also overwhelmed. I went into the sauna to sit down and clear my head. While I was in there, an older guy came in and sat down near me. He started to make small talk and I relaxed a little bit. He opened his towel and started playing with his cock. I've seen plenty of hard cocks in porn, both gay and straight, but this was the first time I'd ever seen another man get hard in real life. Honestly, it was mesmerizing to watch him stroke himself to full erection. He told me he wanted to see me get hard, too. The way he phrased it was less of a request and more of an order. I don't know why but I just kind of followed along. I was so nervous I had trouble getting hard, and that made him chuckle a little bit. He asked me if it was my first time and I said yes. He told me not to worry, that we didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. But in the next breath, he told me to stand up and bend over a bench. Again, I knew I could have said no but it didn't really seem like it was request. He started rimming me, which felt amazing, and then before I knew it, he was inside me. He never asked me if it was okay, he just started fucking me. He wasn't super big, and I've played with dildos before, so I got used to it pretty quick but I was in shock that it all happened so fast. He stopped for a minute to spit on his cock, and then started fucking me again. This went on for a while. In truth, I lost track of time because my head was just spinning. I didn't even realize that somebody else had come into the sauna but before I knew it there was a cock in my face as a guy was standing in front of me jacking off. He said something to the guy fucking me about "Looks like you found a new toy to play with." The guy in my ass just laughed and said "Yeah, he's a newbie." After a few more minutes the guy standing in front of me grunted and shot his load all over my face. Around the same time the guy behind me pulled out and stroked himself until he came all over my back and ass. They both told me that I was really fucking hot and they hoped they would see me again sometime, then they left. I just sat down on the bench trying to get my head around what had just happened. I was covered in cum and my ass was sore and tingling. I was reeling because none of it was really consensual. I never said yes to any of it but I also never told anybody to stop. I just let it happen. I also realized that I was super horny and really frustrated because I didn't get off at all.

Every day since, I've gone back and forth between feeling like that was the hottest thing that ever happened to me and feeling like I should go file a police report. I can't figure out why I let that go down the way it did. Another thing that complicates the issue in my head was how good it felt. Once I loosened up a little bit, it was amazing. I've never experienced anything like that kind of pleasure. In the moment there was something so hot about being taken like that but like I said, I'm struggling with the fact that I never really said it was okay.

I guess what it really boils down to is yes, I was raped. And not only was I okay with it, it was hot. But it bothers me that I was okay with it. I don't know if that makes any sense. It's like I enjoyed it, but I'm really mad at myself for enjoying it. And at the same time, I kind of can't wait for it to happen again.

Hey, wow, thats a lot but still, thank you for submitting! Usually I try to take submissions as fantasy but ofc, that's not always the case and by the way you're talking towards the end I believe this actually happened. Therefore my brain is stuck between, encouraging you to give into that and go for it again and being real and hoping you're okay so bear through my rambling as I try to meld between the two(being neurospicy doesn't help lol).

I don't think you should be mad at yourself for enjoying it? but can completely understand why.. Being s/a'd isn't always how its depicted in media and such. Sometimes its being pressured by a loved one into giving in when you don't want to and then you think 'well i consented' when you were pressured. It leans into dubious consent. You did what he said but you didn't say yes or that you were okay with it. He should have asked.

Society and upbringing wants us to see sex or being sexual as negative. But I think you should accept what you want? Like I want to be a slut who gets fucked but I'm also not that LOL. I've wanted to go to glory holes and get used but I'm not that type of person due to those things and anxiety and the fact I'm demisexual (also definitely doesn't help)(like those things make you develope shame for enjoying it and if i didn't feel shame or anxiety, I'd whore out ngl).

If you enjoyed it and wanna do it again, then i'd say go back? just be safe and make sure you keep yourself on guard incase stuff gets too much and make sure to get tested every now and then. Keep yourself safe. OR - get a partner who you can consensually do noncon/be free use with. Cause that taken feeling can still happen like that if consent is giving way before hand. Putting safe words and such in place as well would stop it from crossing any lines and you'd be a hella lot more safe.

In the end, do not feel bad for liking it. If anyone shames you, they can fuck off. Bodies are weird. Brains are weird. All of it is weird lol. Do you, be safe, have fun~ and thank you so much for sharing! (Sorry if i did not give you a response you wanted and please keep me updated on what you might do/how you feel from this response?)

#ns/fw #nsft #ns/fw confessions #n-s-f-w #anon confession #ns/fw advice

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zhuhongs · 1 year

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well I thought I was going to fall asleep early, but it seems like I have too many things keeping me up and since its too cold to sit at my desk and write at my journal this thought is going on the internet. Tl:dr: tomorrow is my birthday. send me 50 dollars. i am going to bed. gn

Yea, recently everything just feels so.... much. Like I'm always at a state of just slightly overwhelmed that makes it feel usless to do anything. Like I'm worried about money, and I know that I have credit so I can use it and I have things that I need and things I want that I shouldn't deny myself of just because things are a bit trying (like food I want, things I need to fix). But then I can't help but have that internalized poor mantra of "why are u buying this when u have bills to pay?" which is dumb bc I deserve to use what little money I have in making my life more enjoyable . But I'm also like. sage did U really need to upgrade your phone or buy an interview shirt or hair dye? Like, no not technically, but these are things I should do to just make myself feel better. I don't want to be using a broken phone, might as well upgrade when theres a promotion that sure makes it hard right now but is a smart idea in the long run. And yes while I didn't need the dye or the shirt - it will make me more confident in my interview so I can get a higher paying job and not be surrounded by Stuff all day causing me to want to constantly buy things bc I wont be in a store 8hrs a day 5 days a week. So like, yes you do need those things and its negligible when I consider the credit I have. And even if I have some debts, I know that no one can bail me out becausemy family is in the same situation. And I have time. I just started working. Its a rough month, and the fact that I have a trip planned makes it even harder. Because that means more money. But if I always deny myself the opportunity to go and do things bc I don't have the money then I'd never leave my house ever, and thats how I grew up and I was miserable and the money will be gone and the month will be tight anyways so just go anddon't think about it. But I do think about it, because it's hard, and I work so hard my entire life, for what? To pay rent?? other people my age get to say the money they make and build a life yet I was dealt a shitty hand and have had to spend my time working for something people are given. And it hurts bc I've wasted so much time and worked so much andhave 9 dollars to my name and so much debt. But I will find a way. ANd it will all be paid off. I don' know how but I've done this same thing before, cried about it, and went to work the next day and figured it out. And my mother has done this everyday for the past 30 years, and I feel so sorryforher because I know it's hard. And she deserves so much more and I want to give it to her, and I'm not even 23. And tomorrow is my birthday and I have to go work. Even if I called out I don't know what it would help. And I want to go out with my friends and have a good time but I need to paymy car and I need to pay my bills. And I work 9 to 5 and when I get home I have to walk my dog and make dinner. And it's cold. And by the time all of that is done I feel like I have no time to make art or practice chinese or do any of my hobbies and better myself. I''m so tired that all I do is sleep. And I feel myself falling into old habits. And I hate it, i hate it, I am trying so hard to clawmy way out of it. It's starting with a simple routine. Even if it hasn't gotten to the point where I sit and draw or read or write every day. At least I do the dishes when I finish eating, brush my teeth twice a day, foldmy clothes, make my bed, stay off my phone during my breaks, and pack a lunch. Even if that's something I should have achieved long ago, I didn't. So now I need to do that before I can learn how to do hwat I want sadly, because dreamings costs money and dreaming requires habits. AAAAAA. okay. I need to go to bed bc I need to be up at 8am to get ready for work. Happy bday to me.

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c0smicjayy · 7 months

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venting and lots of dumb rambling below

i honestly think the way i grew up completely fucked up any chance I have of being able to socialize properly. like?? every year my family and I would move due to just being poor so every school year id find myself one or two people to follow around like a lost puppy so i wouldnt be alone

and ofc those people would never really view me as important as i viewed them? bc after school i was expected to raise my little siblings, wasnt allowed to go anywhere, & wasnt allowed internet access so i was just that shy school friend they didnt know while they were all i had to me

and ofc id accidentally scare them off once someone actually tried to get closer to me, like the time a friend got me a cheap little Christmas gift and it caused me to breakdown publicly in the school hallway (in my defense I've never gotten a gift once my lil siblings were born bc we needed to save up to give them presents instead yk). anyway

idk im just tired of spiraling over dumb shit?? i introduced the two people i talk to the most a while ago and they started dating and ofc they hang out with me less? which is normal but it just fucking BURNS. they nicknamed me the side hoe in our gc as a joke but ofc i couldnt be normal about it and im near in tears over it now

ig i just wish someone would treat me as important as i treat them? bc ofc thats unrealistic as its selfish and unreasonable to expect myself to be the favorite of everyone i know. maybe i want someone to just be obsessed with me? idk really

i just wanna be put first once, just to know what its like, bc im always always expected to do that for others or else im the bad guy. gotta do that for my friends, my family, even had to for my ex fiance bc the one time i didnt i was labeled as abusive

maybe if i was important to someone id view myself as important bc god knows id die before I'd put my own needs and wants first in any situation

#.personal.

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binalakai · 8 months

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🍅🧅🍏🥑 wahoo fruit party!!

How misunderstood is your OC? In-universe or IRL. oh god. okay. okay Hue Man on Earth is a story that is. REALLY hard for me to share, despite how much I do try to talk about it publicly (or at least update my toyhouse as much as possible when i feel like doing that), there's always that sense of. people either boiling my characters down to Tropes/who's the Bad one and who's the Good One. whos the character thats meant to be a personal attack on someone (none of them are) n whos the character that is meant to be relatable (none of them are PURPOSELY written to be that way) n it just. really goddamn sucks sometimes. i could talk about specifics with my main trio specifically, over the course of time that i've had Hue, Magni, and Clyde, theyve all been weirdly misunderstood in their own way that i have gotten to the point of having to reevaluate those folks n look inward into seeing if that perception of themselves can be weaved into the plot. but honestly i think ill catch myself in a bad mood atm if i think about it too hard. tldr on that; i try to microdose my story when sharing it to others, n even then i get really nervous about the idea that my story wont be valued/understood as a whole, which is partially of my own doing as well bc i do have a tendency to Put a Lot into characters once i get super attached to them. ..so nowadays im too burned out to do that :"P once i make that pitch bible, it probably still wont fix that, but its still a project im committing to nonetheless! 🧅 [ONION] What is surefire to make your OC cry? Who knows of this information? Hue) hard to answer with a creature like him. objectively, he doesnt cry. its not needed for him to release emotion the same way it does for Earth-things. but he does it anyway, or at least the equivalent (letting go of parts of his body in droplets from his eyes, just for them to crawl back to his body) it's less about "am i sad right now and do i have to cry" and more like "is crying appropriate for this situation.". after his Human arc in arc 5, its something he actually stops doing as a whole because experiencing the feeling of crying in a human body like. Actually Fucks him up REAL bad NJWKEFNAJKWFNAKWEF Magni) the "sillier" or "unrelated to themselves" the issue is, the more theyll have a tendency to genuinely cry over it. they cry when they know no one else is there to mourn over the problem they're crying about, which is why they'll have a very Stone Flat Face when Witnessing the horrors, but will have an absolute meltdown over dropping their favorite cup Clyde) Honestly that motherfucker will cry over. like....anything? Honestly? to the point where it can be unpredictable. Clyde's emotions are based less on the Cause of Crying and more about the intensity of its emotions. any time it gets overwhelmed, it will cry, and its been labeled a crybaby inuniverse because of that 🍏 [GREEN APPLE] How do they differ from the norm and how are they punished for it? answering this all together, and honestly without having to like. explain the whole plot of HMoE in one setting. Hue seen as different from the norm not because he's an alien but because he's technically an illegal immigrant, Magni and Clyde are autistic PoC that also Do Not Fit Well into their hometown whatsoever. may i need to say anything else. 🥑 [AVACADO] What will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad?

Hue) trying to be seen as a good person, even if it means doing the most heinous shit possible (as long as he's able to hide it/insist on good intentions) Magni) trying to be seen as the Right Person, even if it means twisting things in their favor SPECIFICALLY to be right (though will admit to it redhanded if theyre caught, more out of being impressed if anything) Clyde) trying to be seen as the Truthful Person, even if it means ruining everyone's day/life about it (it''ll try to seem like it doesnt care about being "bad", but it very much actually eats away at it. every single damn day)

#hue man on earth #HI .FINALLY GETTING TO THIS.

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caseythebunnyboy · 1 year

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hi casey! along with making me horny, may i just say your blog makes me really happy as well. i've struggled with trying to figure out my own identity for so long and it's just nice to see other trans men, especially those who are comfortable still doing feminine things; thats one of the main things i've struggle with is still feeling masculine enough because i want to do feminine things. i dont know what it was but just your presence was somewhat comforting for me, and i just seemed to connect with it. I am sorry if this is weird, but you just seem very cool and adorable <3

(i kinda wanted to say this off anon but i struggle with words they're difficult and i already kinda struggled through writing this, and in case this was awkward i didnt wanna make things worse aaaaaaaa)

thank you, anon. if im being honest i was in the exact same position as you about a year ago, i couldnt bare to see myself in skirts, id immediately freeze in fear. i couldnt even wear the color pink without feeling paralyzed 😕 i still get dysphoria from those things, but they've gotten less severe over the months luckily. now i can wear minor tints of pink and wear skirts, though only during sexual situations. its not much but its better than before.

(rest of what ill say is under the cut so i dont clog peoples dashboard)

my dysphoria is extremely strange but extreme because even things like owning a cat makes me feel dysphoric because its the "feminine" animal. though, im really glad i helped someone else be more comfortable their identity, makes me feel like the things i go through actually mean something and paid off

im also very surprised you took interest in me specifially. since from what i see, there are plenty of other feminine trans men on here, but it means alot that for some reason you chose me in particular to be comfy and connect with, thank you for that 💜

its not weird at all btw! im very open to the idea of my anons and followers being vulnerable with me about stuff like this 😊 its alright if you dont wanna go off anon btw, its not weird at all! but itd be nice if you contacted me so we could talk directly, id like to get to know you (if we arent already secretly chatting)

im glad my blog that was mainly made to turn people on is making people feel other, more deep things 🐇 its a very welcome surprised for me 💜 again, thank you anon for being vulnerable with me!

#casey ★ speaking #casey ★ answering #youre all so cool i wanna give every singe one of you a little kiss on the cheek #mwah mwah kissy kissy

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wawawawawawawawawawawawawa · 1 year

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anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy here yet again! i am Now Thinking and remembering that a huge part of why i've never tried to go to therapy or anything is coz like i Know i'd use what i learn to like, manipule ppl better and shit. i enjoy playing w ppl Too much and coz Fun Childhood i've been good at it all my life, but cognitively i recognise its bad so it would be bad and not fair for me to go to therapy and get even better at it and manipulate ppl i love for my own fun. and like even i dont do illegal shit or even like drink alcohol or smoke coz then i can keep the moral high ground in arguments w ppl and i can say whatever i want and call em out on shit and create a fuss for them and stir the pot and they cant call me a hypocrite. like so much of what i do is about making sure i have a level of ability to manipulate and control ppl and situations. so many behaviours which arent explained by autism, idk why i've just brushed all of them aside except that i've gotten bored by overthinking abt them, and ive mostly gotten to a point where they're under control and im content w life

but back to remorse and empathy i honestly just think they're not really necessarily useful things and ppl place so much importance on "oh im such a good person i have so much empathy" but will also use their empathy/remorse to control ppl? like i know ppl w bpd who use their genuine guilt and worries and stuff to get ppl to feel sorry for them and indulge them instead of confronting and working on it. like even ppl w/o mental illness will sometimes try to use the fact they feel bad abt smth to erase their culpability instead of actually fixing their mistakes. it can be confronting for them that some ppl can be like "oh shit i made a mistake. fuck. oh well" (and sometimes fix their mistake/take responsibility) w/o remorse or other emotions to it coz i think it makes them realise their emotion doesnt absolve them

thanks to listening to me ramble!

man i feel that, im also obsessed with having the moral high ground, except i think my view of morality is the best one and everyone else is stupid. also i'm a hypocrite. i also hate hypocrites! yes this in of itself is hypocritical i am aware. do something morally reprehensible? shame on you! doesn't matter that i do the same thing with no intent to stop. its over anakin i have the moral high ground!! i have Standards and Morals and also i'm correct all the time. if i had the death note there would be no story and everything would be okay. i simply would not go mad with power and i'd only kill people who are deserving of it

also yeah i hate the empathy = morality thing i hate it so so so so much. i do think cognitive empathy is a useful tool and remorse can be useful as like, the emotions equivalent of getting spritzed with a water bottle and also you are a cat. do something shitty? feel remorse? my cuck ass is NEVER doing that again!! because remorse felt so bad the first time, why would i risk doing it Again and feeling remorse Again? its just not worth it. but then again if you get more and more used to its presence it wouldnt work all that great and also would suck balls

and i've known a dude w bpd who was like that, and ive known people with good ol fashioned Anxiety Disorder that were like that- worse, even! they thought that bc they had anxiety, they were these cutesy little waifs and anything they did could be rebutted with "but i have anxietttyyyyyy" and everyone was just expected to pity them because of it- no matter what they did! people put too high of an emphasis on emotion as the standard of morality- if you're a scared abuse victim, thats Moral and you are Pitiable, which is Good. however if you fought back, you are Immoral and you are Secretly Probably The Aggressor, which is Bad. (consequently, if you're too scared, that's Moral, however you Didn't Fight Back, which means you were acting Illogically, and Had It Coming, therefore you are Bad) which is hypocritical as fuck! ive taken responsibility w/o remorse and i've takne responsibility with remorse and remorse is Not the important part of this argument, it's emotional intelligence.

#no worries wrt the rambling!! this was interesting to do #thanku for coming to my ted talk :) to my ted talk :)#wasks

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