Hoooiii!!!! Do you have any deltarune hc? Like for the Fun Gang, Addison’s, Chaos Duo? Just wondering 🙃

For me, Jevil has a soft spot for kids (ex, Lancer)

aaaa i have so many, though not much for the fun gang as we approach more dr chapters, but i've mainly thrown headcanons onto the darkners here

for the addisons, i feel like all of them are night owls/never getting much sleep. They work a lot, but the transition to castle town has given them a bit of a break. Spamton, out of all of them, never/barely sleeps, being kept up by his own plan-making and next attempt at getting his sales to skyrocket, though always to fail. This only got worse in his post-big-shot years where constant attempts on the mansion kept him endlessly busy. He doesn't rest, and so he'll work himself until he crashes.

jevil is the opposite, at least to me! i'd like to imagine his time in the card kingdom (prior to his imprisonment) he would sleep often, since the joker card isn't used in many games (if at all). He'd sleep in the scarlet forest mainly, where i headcanon he got approached by the same being that helped spamton out. Seam set him up a little hammock near the ceiling so that he could sleep while they worked on mage-type stuff. Post-imprisonment, it was entertaining himself with solo-led games, perfecting his fighting patterns, and sleeping a lot. It would be kind of cool if, in contrast to spamton meeting their shared benefactor over the phone, jevil met him in a dream, until waking up and finding the dream was real.

Though i do like that headcanon that jevil has a soft spot for kids, i feel it's incredibly rare nowadays as he doesn't care much for anything anymore, rather than pure fun and chaos (he did try to kill three of them after all, and not out of desperation like spamton had but just because of the game). Like, his mind has cracked since his imprisonment, but he sees the potential for others to see past their own imprisonment and stir up some trouble for the nature of things. I feel he'd really like Susie especially, and Noelle for her ability to disrupt the narrative (like her objecting the player's snowgrave command at first). Though i do like the idea prior-imprisonment him trying to play games with Lancer, and Seam joining in. Though Jevil does not care for rouxls whatsoever and pities his existence above anyone else's. Something about being tied to "Rules" just doesn't sit well with him.

I definitely side on jevil knowing about the roaring, and the knight, but telling us would spoil the fun of the player finding out before the real fun has began. On the other hand, spamton desperately wants to tell Kris, to help them get an upper hand on us controlling them, but can't. I feel he's been conditioned in his time being puppeted to short out mentally whenever bringing such a topic up as seen in-game.

speaking of jevil, i headcanon he took a liking to spamton immediately, seeing how different he was from the other addisons and wanted to see what route his fate would start to go down as they both discovered more and more about what was really going on in their universe. Spamton was too focused on everything else to bother to care what jevil was or what his purpose was, but Jevil would return home to excitedly tell Seam everything about the puppeted salesman from the digital world.

onto darkners from the digital world, i feel like swatch took the brunt of the work preventing spamton from getting too close to neo, so when they physically couldn't take his wacky antics anymore, they reached out to Tasque manager, who helped them set up all the traps in the basement. She's dealt with spamton a handful of times, and one time had him captured so Swatch could try and talk to him and make one final attempt to reason with him, but he was too far gone at that point, deadset on neo.

that's all i got so far! just a few that have been swirling around in my brain for awhile lol, ! it keeps this 2+ year time without a new chapter just a little more fun :D

a/n: this was written by my friend nova, previously @/needyateez on tumblr and she has written it for me to post here, enjoy!

wooyoung drabble

It was no secret that turning you into a mess took little to nothing on his part.

All it took was a couple of light touches over your thigh during dinner and you were practically putty in his hands, but of course, wooyoung wouldn’t stop there. 

Your eyes met the back of your skull as you felt his hips grind against yours, fingers digging into the open expanse of his forearm with ernest. 

You were so weak for him, the black-headed male almost wanted to coo at how cute you looked when you were a wreck underneath him, but he decided instead to give you that lopsided grin that he always seemed to sport when he was up to no good. 

Everything around you was hazy. The world was spinning in circles and the only thing your brain could focus on was the heat of wooyoung as he spoke in that silky sweet voice that made your knees turn to putty. 

Your limbs felt like they were filled with rocks, heavy and nearly impossible to move as you huffed raggedly underneath him. How many times had you come tonight? After the third you started to lose count, your mind too far away to keep up with his ministrations any further. 

“Oh come on y/n, I know you can do better than that,” he scolded, voice coming off more as a whine that anything else. To anyone else’s eyes, the man above you was nothing more than a pillow prince waiting to be given instructions, but to you, he was the one that made the rules.

Your body found momentary relief as wooyoung retracted his hips, your burning lungs finally being able to take in a decent breath of air. Although, the feeling didn’t last very long as he forced his cock back inside of you, a broken cry falling from your lips the moment his tip pressed firmly against your g-spot. 

“Oh baby, what happened?” His faux concern was enough to make you want to punch him in the face, but even if you’d somehow found the strength, you knew that it would all be to no avail. “I thought you said that you could take whatever I gave you?” 

His statement was punctuation by another hard thrust, your body lurching upwards and your head inching closer toward the headboard. Oh, how you were regretting your words right now. 

Your head lolled to the side as his hips pushed against yours vigorously, your mind begging for a break but your body pushing down against him for more. You could clearly see the outline of various veins lining his arm, protruding more than usual as he used all of his strength to keep himself upright. 

The sight was enough to make your mouth water, your cunt clenching around his length when only the tip remained inside. 

“Fuck,” Wooyoung cursed, hips stuttering just slightly. If you were paying attention, you would have seen the way his eyebrows curved together, his focus suddenly going to the growing pit in his stomach as you squeezed around him. “Look at you, still begging for more.” 

You couldn’t tell whether his words were true or false, but you chose not to think too hard about it when somehow, he managed to fuck you even harder. With your brain turning to mush, your jaw dropped as your mouth fell open, just wide enough for him to slide a thumb over the expanse of your tongue. 

“You keep presenting yourself to me like that and I might have to find something to stuff this hole with,” A smirk plastered itself on his face when your skin grew even hotter, your eyes squeezing shut as you turned a light shade of red. “Awe, is my baby getting embarrassed?” 

A soft whine resonated from your throat, getting trapped behind your lips as you sucked Wooyoung’s thumb deeper into your mouth. 

“I mean, you definitely have a reason to be,” he continued, pushing his thumb far enough to make the muscles of your throat contract around it. You gagged as he let out a little laugh, pulling the digit from your mouth in favor of leaning into your face. “It only took 30 minutes for me to pull three orgasms from you, yet for some reason, you still haven’t made me come yet.” 

Your eyes cracked open at his warmth, peering into his raven eyes as he looked at you with an expression that could only be described as greed. 

“And after all the things you said,” Another little chuckle fell from his slightly parted lips. “You can’t even do that right.”

Wooyoung wouldn’t talk about the fact that he’d almost busted a nut multiple times throughout the course of your session. Every time he felt you come around him, it took everything in his being not to let the rope that was tightening in his gut snap on the spot. The man couldn’t help it, you just looked so pretty under him when you were nothing more than a writhing mess, stuttering every time he asked you a question. 

He loved the way your responses were short, but somehow he still knew exactly what you needed, and he was here to provide. 

You whined again. That seemed to be the only sound that you could muster with the way he was rearranging your insides, but despite that, you found it in you to give him a response; the first one you were able to give in about an hour.  

“I-It’s too… m-much,” you stuttered, referring to the growing warmth that was starting to settle in the pit of your stomach once again. “Fuck, please woo…”

“Oh, the fleshlight speaks,” He spoke. Your cheeks grew exponentially hot, his words only bringing you closer to the edge. “Please what?” Wooyoung asked, his head ticked to the side like a curious child, already knowing what you were planning on asking for, but wanting to hear you say it away. 

He’d seen you in this state enough times to know when you were about to come. You always seemed to reject his ministrations, arms pushing at his chest or shoulders weakly before your legs wrapped around his waist, pushing him deeper and deeper to where you really needed him. 

Your moans were growing increasingly high in pitch, and when he felt your walls starting to contract around his cock, he knew that your 6th orgasm for the night was quickly approaching. 

“Is my baby going to come?” Your head thrashed violently as you nodded in response to his inquiry, the balls of your feet digging into the dimples of his back to keep him as close as possible. “Hm, don’t you think that’s a little unfair?” 

Your eyebrows furrowed together as you felt his hips slow, a short sound of discontent bubbling from your lips as you felt his cock slide out of you. Your cunt throbbed as the impending orgasm slowly dissolved into nothing, legs squeezing together as you looked at the man that you could only describe at the moment as evil. 

Despite ruining your high, Wooyoung still sported that sickening grin that never seemed to leave his face. He lolled to the side, suddenly laying beside you with his hands resting behind his head. The confused look on your face never left as you watched him get comfortable, his cock red and throbbing and it stood to attention, waiting to be enveloped by you again. 

“Why don’t you try to make me come for once,” his voice was low as his gaze traveled down your exposed body, eyes hot as they traveled over every expanse of your skin. “And then maybe I’ll consider letting you.”

You wanted to complain, to tell him that he was being awfully mean to you and that you could easily smother him with the pillow that he was currently laying on, but you kept quiet. 

Because you and he both knew that you were loving every second of this. 

You pursed your lips as you climbed into his lap, lining him back up with your throbbing cunt before lowering yourself down. Your breath hitched as you took all of him, your hips circling as you adjusted to the new angle. 

Wooyoung let out a content sigh, his eyes fluttering shut as he forced himself not to buck into your warmth. 

“That’s my good baby,” don’t say that. Your lips tucked themselves into your mouth to hold back the moan that threatened to tell on you. “Now you can see how it feels to do all the work for once.” 

You looked down at him for a moment, taking in the way that he spoke despite the expressions that he wore on his face. The skin of his neck down to his upper stomach was completely red, his eyebrows furrowed into one and his head pushed back against the cushion of his hands. 

He looked ethereal, and for a moment you wondered if maybe he really was a pillow prince after all. 

totally completely fine

ok. i'm not a fan of australian tv or movies bc they're always overdramatised or too darkly themed or comedic in a way i don't gel with bc i'd rather watch american comedies (not sitcoms, they need to die a firey death). plus i've never really liked the aussie accent, i've found it weirdly unsettling hearing characters speak with aussie voices and maybe that's bc being an aussie myself and wanting to use tv and movies as an escape so having that stark reminder of my own reality means it's harder to suspend and enjoy a different one for a spell. or maybe it's the fact that i, like a great deal of non-americans, have grown up watching american tv so now any non-american accent just sits weird in my brain. 

but that's why i need to express my love for this show. 

everything from the casting (diverse faces and bodies) and the actors chemistry to the setting and set design, cinematography and soundtrack, and of course the plot and characters themselves. It's so well done. It's a heartfelt dramedy that makes you care keeps you interested in wanting to know how things progress and ultimately turn out. the various relationship dynamics are full of ups and downs and it feels real in that messy way life is. 

the premise: vivian is a young mess of an adult who lost her parents in a car crash that she was also in when she was a kid. she's the youngest of 3 siblings who were raised by their grandfather who dies and leaves viv his cliffside beach house. the twist: the house backs onto a picturesque ocean cliff where people go to commit suicide. the grandfather used to try and stop them, and now it's up to viv to try and do the same. 

intense stuff so far. but this show is hopeful, it's not super dark even though it does deal with strained relationships and mental health and suicide attempts/ideation. the characters are distinct and the way their lives entwine don't distract from their individual journeys; viv is the main character but enough screentime is given to every supporting character that they all feel like main characters in their own right which is how it should be because that's how life is. 

more good news is it's short: only 6 episodes at just under an hour each (it doesn't mince screentime) so i binged it all yesterday when i wasn't feeling great and just. wow. i haven't found anything mentioning a second season but if they did more i'd watch it - but the thing is it ends with both closure and the potential for more exploration of the characters, so it feels like a realistic open ending and works as a single season story. 

i don't know if it's available overseas because it was created by and aired here by Stan (which is like our homemade Netflix) but i hope if you guys are interested you'll find a way to watch. 

bonus thing for me: seeing this story play out in my home (settings and details) was actually grounding in a way i didn't expect. like i mentioned above, most of us grow up on american tv and maybe some uk stuff and while that's good for an escape it can actually be jarring to get back into our real world. but (with good quality programming like this show) i realise aussie productions can make it a lot easier to connect with the physical world around me (not the digital world), to not feel so alone, and to know that it's worth finding productions from your homeland and they don't hinder the escape of fiction in fact they can aid in grounding it in a believable way. 

anyway. just one aussie who doesn't really like aussie-made stuff telling folks to give this show a go because i was pleasantly surprised. 

(note: if anyone has any questions or concerns about triggering content please message me or reply to this post and i'll fill you in on stuff it does or doesn't feature)

My stand on the Transgender Genocide

For the last week, I've been online, and researched, and warned, and read... All about two topics:

Cat Pictures - I just can't live without them.

Genocide - and about this I should continue writing this post. No more cat pics.

What's a genocide?, you may ask. Well, it is not necessarily systematic murder in camps of specific groups. It is any kind of an attempt to remove a group from society. It can be any kind of group:

Individuals of Species, a Sub-Species, or a Race within the Species

Individuals that carry a specific look, gene, or attribute

Believers of an ideology or religion

Basically, any kind of group. And no, it is not necessarily related to genes.

What's the problem with a genocide, then? If genocide means a removal of a certain group from society, what's the problem? If one honestly asks this question, they probably have been brainwashed at least once. And that's a completely different topic. I'll assume (and believe) genocide is bad for the entirety of the post.

What's the danger for us? For us, trans people - or any person - that is a huge danger. Genocide usually continues to murder, and usually doesn't stay restrained to a single group. The Nazis started with killing trans people, too. It means loss of our rights and our ownings - and later, our lives.

I accidentally deleted this paragraph. Oops. I'll rewrite it the best I can remember. I DELETED IT AGAIN I HATE MYSELF.

That won't happen to me. That's what the Jews thought pre-WW2. People really don't like their bubble being poken - the brain tries to protect itself, by the most valid strategy at the time - complete denial. No offense intended.

But the children! There are two responses to this sentence:

Your children will feel much safer being able to express themselves without crappy ideologies restraining them from doing so.

Children growing up in a place where rights are being taken from a group, will know very well not to join nor declare themselves a part of said group. That's just human survival instinct.

I deleted another paragraph accidentally. I hate myself so much. I'll just shorten it from ten sentences to one.

I'll stay and fight! Your choice. I'm a scared piece of crap, so I won't. Heavily unrecommended.

How can I flee? Here's something I wrote about that in a Reddit comment.

The Jews thought the same thing before WW2. They didn't believe the Nazis would murder them. They didn't want to run. Six million of them were wrong.

Run for your life. Now. Take all your assets. Cash only. Take digital stuff, and papers that prove you own something - but they'll be worth something only AFTER the genocide will end, so make sure you have physical valuable stuff. But the country CAN and WILL revoke your ownings. And not in USD - take it in another currency. You don't want your money not to be accepted because of sanctions, or the value of the money to drop because of a war.

You will want to move all the ownings you weren't able to take with you to the ownership of someone you trust, or to another country's banks (recommending the swiss).

Plan ahead. There'll be lots of refugees. The genocide won't stay restricted to only trans people. You will want to have valuable stuff to pay to people for food and a place to live in the country you'll be in. Secure a place to live.

And most importantly: flee. Tell all LGBTQIA+ people. Especially trans people. And don't say "I'm stealth", the government will seize your medical history and find out. The government will track you online. Don't say "it's illegal", because genocide is illegal, and they'll take any step possible to exterminate us.

Flee from the US. It's not about keeping those who will find out they're trans, and don't know yet - they'll grow up with enough internalized transphobia not to dare to say anything to anybody. It's not about a long term plan. This is about IMMEDIATE SURVIVAL.

Take a loan, to afford the tickets and housing in Europe or Canada or whatever place you wanna go to. It'll be invalidated when the law declares us inferior and non-human, when they'll forbid us from having bank accounts.

I'm NOT crazy. I'm Jewish, and German. My great grandfather was smart enough to run away, before he was murdered. His entire family - dead. This is a reboot of my culture and family's most remembered and important event. This, my friends, will be a holocaust.

They'll systematically murder and exterminate us. No remorse. They won't even see us as human beings. Flee the country. Please. Don't let hell collect another six million people.

And no, Hitler didn't go this far. He just said we're inferior, and should be murdered so "natural" selection will do its job. *They* are trying to finish Hitler's job. The monster that systematically murdered people, Jews, people of color, trans people, gays, intersex people, autistic people, and more and more - still has a legacy. We must run, and we must defend ourselves.

Canada seems like the best option - refugee status - but we know not if a genocide will be the only thing to happen. As far as we know, the USA could start WW3. After all, transphobia and racism commonly come together. If the republicans will win the elections - those who stayed are doomed. If the democrats win - it is only a delay, not a win.

Yeah, it's a bit fanatic. But it's written that way to scare people, make them actually think about it. I'm sorry, but I can't put a "read more" bar on mobile - I'll do it when I reach my PC. Thank you for reading this whole thing - and even if you don't agree, please reply!

LTB Worldbuilding Wednesdays: Intro/How I Got Here

When I spun up this blog my goal was simple: a place to dump screenshots of my Tavs and other BG3-related brainrot. My personal site's blog wasn't a good place for it, since I'm a freelancer and it's gotta have at least some concessions to "professionalism," so here we are. But it feels a bit too aloof to do these "Tav Tuesdays" posts chock-full with names and places unfamiliar to 99.9999% of readers here, so "LTB Worldbuilding Wednesdays" have arrived.

They won't be convoluted or super lore-dumpy, but they will provide context for my characters, who've been my 5e mainstays for years—with lives and stories and whatnot—before I imported them into BG3 and forced tadpoles in their heads. For every subsequent post in this series, I'll try to distill the TL;DR of a place or faction or whatever—but only enough for it to be relevant to a given Tav's story, because (again) I don't want to drown a reader in lore (unless that's your thing, which is totally fine and I'm down for asks about that).

I'm also in the middle of churning out a second homebrew fantasy atlas (more on the first one below the fold), so ideally these posts will keep me in the mindset of getting that work done instead of running yet another BG3 playthrough. Wednesdays are the weekly game night for my tabletop 5e group, so it's already a good day to be in worldbuilding-brain.

While it's been extremely fun and fulfilling to do over the past five years, I won't claim that it's the right way or only way to worldbuild, because that's silly given the wealth of other resources out there and the galaxy of creativity we're all capable of. It's worked for me, though, so it's not nothing. Here's a quick rundown of how I got here, with "here" being "a sufficiently fleshed out campaign setting with plenty of room to grow":

Creating a Unique Map Style

I'm a huge map nerd, and have reached a point in my life/career where I get to do freelance map design as a part-time job. I'm shaking off the aesthetic snobberies I learned as a graphic designer, because snobbery is too close to gatekeeping, but I'm still enough of a snob about map style to want my own stuff to be unique. In a sea of samey-looking hand-drawn-hobbit-maps, I wanted my homebrew world to stand out, so here's how I did that:

Creating "Homeworlds" - a brief process piece about my April 2019 digital map illustration project.

Creating "The Game Board" - process and background for my 2019 found-texture fictional map project.

Creating "Found Islands" - a smaller 2021 side-project that sorta refined that found-texture style.

Creating Compelling Names

Once I had a unique visual style, I had to populate the world (or at least start to, one region or place at a time), which required some decisions about toponymy for names of places, people, and in-world history/lore, because pretty world maps can still feel boring without stories of who lives there:

What’s in a Name? Fictional Toponymy for Fantasy Maps - process piece for how I developed naming conventions.

Custom Fantasy Map Illustration - portfolio page for my found-texture digital map work.

The Game Board, 2022 Version - One result of all this was a big fat map poster I'm still proud of.

Creating a Homebrew Fantasy Atlas

A map can only show the names, though—it can't tell the stories to a compelling level of detail—so here's where I got to combine lots of my different personal and professional interests and experience: my own fantasy gazetteer. I made all the maps (aforementioned map nerd), I did all the design work (two decades of experience in publication layout), I created/edited all the iconography/imagery (two decades in design plus two more before that as a generally creative person), and I composed/compiled all the lore (I have an English BA and I dabbled in journalism for a few years). Et voila: "The Nua Gazetteer, Vol. 1" was born.

The Nua Gazetteer, Volume 1: Lands and Lore of Aviridia - portfolio page for the main gazetteer project.

The Nua Gazetteer: Announcement - kickoff/kick in the pants for me to get going on this beast.

The Nua Gazetteer: Production Notes - process and influences on the project as a whole.

The Nua Gazetteer: Release Notes - posts for the digital (2022) and print (2023) gazetteer release.

And that's not even getting into the recording project I did for seven of my bard's songs. Maybe I'll do, like, a brief "Music Monday" series. None of this will ever have the juice of my one runaway Minthara post, but whatever. If it's compelling for me (a brain-rotted lore-bard), it won't be bullshit for you. Thanks for reading all the way to the end!

i love my partner if he was an ant i would buy him one of those little glass anthill farm things and watch him dig tunnels all day long and give him new crumbs every single day for enrichment. i would take him on walks in the forest and let him rub his little antenna things on all the cool leaves and rocks i saw so that he could smell them and process them in his ant brain and he would sit in my pocket or on my shoulder and rest his little ant feet if he got tired. i would make him a very tiny scarf also and socks in case he was cold and yeah. i would play ant music for him and watch tv with him and tell him jokes i wrote about him being an ant but they’re be nice jokes because i would never tell a mean joke about him. i would put him on my nightstand in a little matchbox bed with a cotton ball mattress and ant-sized blanket so that way when i went to sleep i wouldn’t squish him and that way we could dream together and i could hold his ant hand if he heard a loud noise. anyway yeah i’m down bad.

anyway here’s his digs (where he can dig). if this text post on my tumblr dot com proves any two things they are as follows: 1. i am uhhhh mentally ill and should really take my brainrot meds earlier in the day so they don’t keep me up as late (because then i think this stuff is normal to not only say but also to add to the digital footprint) and 2. i am very much in love with my partner who is not an ant but if he were we’d make it work but he isn’t right now don’t worry

Ghost Intro, what

Hello!

Name: Ghost_Bean/Ghost

Age: Minor. I don't want any creepy people following or interacting w/ me, get out

Pronouns: They/them

Interests (In order of how much I focus on them): Murder Drones (current obsession, as you can probably tell...), Splatoon (not very educated on lore sadly...), Wings of Fire (wof discord servers), Nevermore (Webtoon), She-Ra, The Owl House, Steven Universe, Amphibia, KIPO

Uhh... There's probably more but whatever

Hobbies: Drawing traditional art, wondering if I'm doing the right thing on Tumblr, not getting enough sleep, reblogging Tumblr posts at 2 am, finding more Murder Drones blogs to follow, sleeping... Huh, ironic

What I Do: I reblog and like posts from my favorite blogs! I basically just lurk around, throwing love at people's art and posts. I hope that I can help people find cool blogs to follow :]

DNI: LGBTQ+ phobic, TERF, MAP, Zoo, etc, Proshipper. Don't be a bad person. That's all I fucking ask. Have common sense

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Fun facts/Trivia/Whatever you wanna call this:

- I'm in a lot of WoF Army servers, so feel free to ask me about them!

- I draw traditional art of wof ocs, but I'm also trying to figure out digital art! I also dream of being able to draw Drones one day, but anatomy is... a struggle 😭 (feel free to send me tips/guides btw!!!)

- My favorite MD characters and ships are: Doll, Cyn, Lizzy, and Yeva (top 4 char.) | Ships: Dizzy (Doll/Lizzy), RussianDuet (Yeva/Yeva's Husband ((does he have a name??)), Oilrose (J/V), Juzi (J/Uzi), and some others that I literally can't remember because brain no work

- I don't have any strong opinion or preference on ships when it comes to some characters like Uzi, V, J, N, etc as long as it's not problematic. I like seeing other people's ideas and headcanons, either about the characters or ships! I also like Butler N and Maid V, they would be so silly together fr

HOWEVER, I do NOT ship N/Cyn, I see them as siblings. Please, for the love of God..

- I may stop being active on Tumblr for a while at times, but don't worry, I'll be back eventually! [Update: Tumblr takes up ~69% of my screentime so... If I'm gone, assume I'm somewhere without wifi or just trying to save my battery]

- I swear. Just- I swear. I try to keep it to a minimum tho dw... Shit- (haha whoops). Ok but tbf MD has gotten me to say things like "Holy hell!" more often lol

- I like the color periwinkle!! I also like any color from teal to dark purple, and sage green on the side

- Uh... I also don't exactly know my way around Tumblr. Like... Can I reblog something without tags? Does it show if I accidentally un-liked then re-liked a post?? How does tagging work??? Just general stuff too, cause I mostly/only like and reblog cool things

- I'm an English speaker only :/ (but Google translate, my beloved <3)

- I use tone tags a lot! It helps me get my message across correctly, and I hope it helps others understand what I'm trying to say!/gen

- I say things like Dawg, Fr, On god, Silly, Goober, and other things like that quite often, so apologies if it gets annoying/gen

- My timezone is CST! 'Murica !!! 🔥🦅🇺🇲 (Get me out of here)

- Murder Drones is so cool, what, I can't see colors correctly anymore, help me (/pos, MD brings me joy)

- I don't do actual posts often so don't expect that much actual Ghost Content

- guh.

- I LOVE WOMEN THEY'RE SO PRETTY HOLDING HANDS WITH A GIRL WOULD FIX ME IM SUCH A GIRLKISSER (I've never kissed a girl)

- I love yuri. I need yuri. I wake up, yuri. I go to sleep, yuri. Always yuri. Robot yuri? Yes please. I wrote an essay on why I love Doomed/Toxic Yuri because yuri

- Other socials: ghost_bean on Discord, JustARandomGayPerson on toyhou.se

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That's it! Feel free to ask me anything (as long as it's not NSFW, political, hateful, etc), or let me know if I might've forgotten something! I'd love to answer any questions you might have, and I want to get to know Tumblr's silly and amazing community!

Have a great rest of your day/night, and may your favorite show get another season and an (actually good) movie

Children

Title: Children

Ship: Keith Kogane/Lance McClain

Summary: Keith and Lance are children with the weight of the world on their shoulders. At only 16 and 17 years old these children were made Paladins of Voltron, Blades of Marmora, Saviors of the Universe. Those weren’t titles meant for children.

Word Count:6.1k

Requested By: n/a

Warnings/Tags: Angst, Fluff, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Pining Lance, Lance is a mess, Insecure lance, Galra Keith, Keith is bad at feelings, Keith is a mess, Blade of Marmora Keith, Blade of Marmora, Naxzela, pining keith.

Author’s Note: listen, i know i never write anymore. But, shit happens you know? 

I’m taking requests and commissions again though so hopefully that will change, i have menus posted on my linktree. You can Instagram message me ( @greyfixx ) or email me ([email protected]) and i’d be happy to write your stories. Thanks guys!

Ao3, Tumblr

Lance wanders the castleship often now. He spends much more time walking around aimlessly than doing anything productive that’s for sure. Hunk and Pidge seemed as though they were always making some revolutionary advances. Always inventing something or tweaking something. Lance could never keep up. 

Allura seems as though she always has some diplomatic stuff to tend to with Shiro. If you asked Lance, he’d tell you that’s just an excuse so they can do whatever they do when they're alone. Plus, hanging out with Shiro is like, well it is, hanging out with your commanding officer. It’s hard for me to be comfortable.  He would hang out with Coran sometimes, helping with some of the castle maintenance. It almost reminded him of being back home doing the chores. He never thought chores would be something he missed. 

Still, when the lonely day was done,  he had to return to the cold sterile room. It was so lifeless. Despite the trinkets he’d collected from his travels strewn around the room, the lived in clutter, it still didn’t feel like his room, no matter how hard he tried. Pictures weren’t as prominent  in space, he’d noticed, at least not hard copies or for decoration in general. I guess they went completely digital a long time ago. So it wasn’t common for one to have photos of their family hung up around their homes. He wonders if people keep photos of their families outside of earth, or if it isn’t something people generally care about? For Lance, who’d spent his whole life surrounded by his siblings, it was so terribly lonely. Almost like living in a hospital room that never had a visitor.

So he slept in his cold white bed with his thin sheets and flat pillows. He wore his thin pajamas and the unreasonably comfy castle bathrobe. This was his new normal. His new home. He’s always been so grateful for his family, the original one, and the new ones he had created along the way. That’s what made him so sad, that he had a whole family here and he still felt alone. 

It wasn’t always like this. Lance suspected that they didn’t really have enough time to worry about it as things changed. Now, between battles, there is silence. What does the silence hold for the soldiers in the war? These are the thoughts that plagued Lance as he fell asleep.. There weren’t many sweet dreams on the other side of the unconscious curtain waiting for him. 

This is how he had felt since Keith had left. On the outside they seemed to be all bitter arguments, competitive bravado, and rivalry. They both knew though, that on the inside, they were closer than anyone else on the team. And that was their business. Their banter was just that, banter. It only takes a little bit of care to see the flirting smiles and friendly wrestling through the veil. When the fighting is done and it’s time for the brains behind the scenes, Keith and Lance learned to stay out of the way. They weren’t geniuses, or commanders, or Royalty. This wasn’t their job.

Each evening he spends longing for the company he wishes he had. He wishes for just one night things could be back the way they were. He wishes that if he does have to be lonely, he shouldn’t have to be the only one. . He considers it. He also considers the embarrassment of it. Calling the Blade of Marmora Headquarters to talk to his friend because he misses him? They’ll laugh and hang up. Probably give Keith shit for it, and i don’t want to mess things up for him. We’re soldiers. We’re supposed to be doing more with our time than talking to our friends on secure military lines.

He accepts his fate. 

Though it may be silent between battles, for those who are much more than soldiers it was time to make a lot of noise.. Building a good public image. Recruiting to the cause. Diplomacy, gaining allies. Creating a Coalition.. Coran had them traveling to a new planet each and every day putting on shows and meeting people. Selling Voltron. 

It wasn’t a big deal in the beginning. Just a script reading here and there, and Lance always loved Drama as a kid, so he was more than happy to comply. It felt like filming a cheesy TV commercial, and it was fun. Over time, as the audience got larger and larger, Coran got more intense. Their characters became perverted versions of themselves. Lance was now “Loverboy Lance.” He was nothing but a good looking airhead. There wasn’t anything more to him than his ability to get laid everywhere he goes. Because that’s all it takes to be a Paladin of Voltron, apparently. 

Coran had become increasingly erratic. He’s talking differently, and twitches everywhere he goes. He’s taking dangerous risks, not only with diplomacy but with their safety.

Lance was starting to believe that that’s who he was. Maybe he is the only one who hasn’t noticed yet. He isn’t anything but who they believe he is. Loverboy. What is a loverboy without love? Just a boy. Just a boy in a play. Just a boy with the weight of the world in his universe. Just a boy. Alone. In a hospital room. 

When Lance realized that the pressure of being a part of this war drove Coran to believe he needed a brain worm to do the right thing or to be good enough. Coran, the purest being on this ship, resorted to drugs to be as good as everyone else. Lance knew he was lonely too. He wanted it to stop, because though he didn’t care too much about himself, he certainly cared about his family. 

So Lance grew angry. He was so angry all the time that his family was diminished into nothing but comic book characters. His best friend is depicted as nothing other than comedic flatulence. Pidge rendered a fraud who uses fake words. They aren’t recognized as the amazing scientists they truly are. They should be. Keith. He made Keith all angry and lonely. Can’t he see, that’s not who Keith is. 

Keith has raw power and talent. He’s the potential to do something amazing for the world. He’s an anomaly and he is so important. There is no one more important than him. 

Lance is the one filled with anger and sadness and loneliness. 

Keith is hopeful. 

And things keep piling on. He is lonely. He is sad. He is angry. And Hope is gone. 

Laying on his gurney in his cold hospital room, in his magical alien castle, Lance picked up his space tablet and dialed the space number for the secret space soldiers. 

DIAL

Lance called the Blade of Marmora’s direct communications line. 

“State your Business.” Spoke a dark gravelly voice. 

“I’m Lance, Blue Paladin of Voltron. I’m calling to speak to Keith Kogane? The red Paladin of Voltron?” He was shaking. This is pathetic. How could he be doing this right now, there’s no way Keith would want to talk to him. He’s probably got a bunch of new muscle-y galra friends.  

“Should I provide you with his direct communications line?”

Lance froze for a moment. Why wouldn’t he be able to call Keith? Why would the Blade stop him from communicating with his Paladins? That would be ridiculous. “Um yeah, yes please, that would be great, um, yeah.” He stammered out in rapid succession. 

He rattles off a bunch of numbers and symbols that Lance makes sure to write down before speaking again. “Will that be all?” 

“Um yes, thank you so–” 

Beep. 

He hung up on me!!

Once he got over the scandal that was the rudeness of what could only be referred to as the ‘galra receptionist,’ he sat in silence for a while. He stared at the string of numbers and symbols. “Keith’s Direct Communications line.” He doesn’t really know what stopped him from getting it before. 

It wasn’t long before he typed the number into his tablet.

!0070/01812/12-12! → DIAL

!0070/01812/12-12! → DIAL

!0070/01812/12-12! → DIAL

He hit the flashing dial button before he could talk himself out of it.. Inter-Galaxy phone calls didn’t have a dial tone like on earth. There’s a loading screen. If the person you’re calling hasn’t answered by the time the circle is filled, the signal will be canceled and the call will drop. Messages can be sent as well but it wasn’t customary to have your tablet on you at all times, as it would be with a phone on earth. It’s more like having an I-Pad instead of a phone. If you really wanted a response it was best to call.

The circle is barely filled in when the screen explodes in color. It was Keith. His brows furrowed and lips pursed for a moment, until his eyes widened and his teeth showed. He smiled. That wasn’t at all what Lance was expecting.

“Hey, Keith. It’s been a minute.” His voice wavers as he speaks.

“No shit! Is everything okay? You’ve never called before-” he started to look concerned again. 

“No! No not at all…” He trailed off. He knew if he said this he would never hear the end of it, but he didn’t want to start the call on such a negative note. He went with what can be interpreted positively.. “I missed you man. It’s lonely around here when you’re gone.” 

Keith laughed. When he caught Lance’s eyes and realized that he wasn’t smiling with him, his face dropped. “You don’t mean that?” 

“Of course I do. Everyone here is so much smarter and more important than me. I hang around on my own most of the time.” 

“I thought I was supposed to be the lone wolf. You’re usually a social butterfly.” 

“Everyone’s so busy I don't want to bother them.” 

“Well I haven't changed from my lonely ways, so you must annoy me like the butterfly you are.” 

“...What?” Lance held back his laughter. 

“Shut up.” 

“The butterfly I am.” The smile seeped through and before he knew it the both of them had dissolved into hysterics. 

“Shut up. I missed you too. I don’t exactly fit in here.” 

Before Keith could get another ‘shut up’ out Lance teased,“Are you sure it isn’t just because you aren’t purple?” 

“I’m pretty sure that was a little bit space racist.”

Lance gasped. 

They talked for hours upon hours. They smiled and laughed until they felt their cheeks go raw and their abs get sore. They talked until their faces turned stoick and they had run out of good things to talk about. They talk until things get serious, and then they keep talking. 

Keith tells Lance how he feels worthless because he has always been a prodigy at the things the BoM excel at. The things that Earth doesn’t hold as honor the way the Galra do. Now, he’s nothing special. 

Lance tells Keith how he feels like he’s been deluding himself into thinking he belongs. He tells him how he doesn’t believe he’s a true Paladin, and that he’s probably just a placeholder for him or Allura. That the persona that the public has for him as ‘Loverboy’ is so entirely impossible because the only person he loves is so far away that he can’t even tell him that every day. 

They talk about how lonely they are. And they promise each other that though things can never be perfect, they will always keep each other company. 

However, as many hours as they wish they could spend together, everything comes to an end. Keith has private training early in the mornings and the Castleship will be landing in a different timezone. So for Lance, first thing in the morning is about 4 in the afternoon (If you think about earth time, measurements are fine and dandy in altean, but dates are hell.)  and he has to go straight to a diplomatic dinner party. 

They say their goodbyes, and part with smiles on their faces. 

When Lance turns over on his bed, his pillow is wet until the morning. Or 4 O’Clock in the alien planet’s evening He wakes up sore from his hiccupping breaths and dry from the salt on his skin. 

Keith on the other hand forces himself to fall asleep immediately. When he wakes up he throws himself into training. He doesn’t apologize to himself or anyone else for the extra bruises he cost that morning. Anyone who spoke to him was met with a scathing comment about their mother. Most stood clear of him that day. 

That night was too good to be true. 

They spend months in this circle of suffering. Each day they would spend in anticipation of the joy they would feel when they saw each other. By the time they are able to get on the phone, they can’t stop smiling. 

The joy lasts for a while. For a few hours. But every night the call has to end. Every night they have to say goodbye again. Every night they come crashing down from their high. They are hit with the weight of the various crises and the pressure only increases with the added emotions. At the end of the call, they have to say goodbye. Every night. 

And I can't even say I Love You.

For Lance, the worst part is that no one noticed. He spent his days finally in a better mood, and his friends weren’t phased. It was such a dramatic change, how could a friend not notice the smiles that had grown so scarce. How could they not notice the bags under his eyes were gone, and he was no longer covered in bruises from his early morning training bot sessions. He felt so much better yet to his friends it was as though nothing had changed. Or they didn’t care to notice. 

The Blade of Marmora was absolutely baffled by Keith’s change. Though Keith was much better at hiding it, he had learned in his months spent with the Blade that Galra rely on their sense of smell for this kind of thing much more than they would rely on their interpretation of body language. Pheromones change and there is nothing you can do about it. The Galra use it to communicate, though generally in passing the smell is like hearing the hum of conversation in a large crowd. 

He didn't notice it at first. He thought he was imagining the stares he could feel grazing the back of his neck. It took one of the other people in his training group giving him shit to realize it. 

“You need to learn how to keep your scent under control..” 

“... What?”

“You’re scent. We can all tell you’re excited or anticipating, or whatever, you don’t need to broadcast it, have a little control.” 

“What do you mean by my scent? You’re sniffing me??”

“Dude what?” 

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Ha ha very funny. Just keep it to yourself man.”” 

“Seriously, I have no clue what you’re talking about. I’m a little bit concerned because on earth we don’t exactly make a habit of smelling each other.”” 

“Earth?” 

“Yeah? Haven’t you noticed I'm not exactly purple?”

“I mean, yeah, but I didn't realize you were from the middle of nowhere. I’ve never even heard of that country.” 

“It’s a planet.”

Keith could tell that he is holding back his laughter now. 

“The Empire hasn’t gotten as far as my planet yet, so I didn't know I was part galra until very recently.  

“I don’t know if i’m the person to explain it to you, i don’t have the greatest understanding of it myself either.”

“Just tell me before someone else does.”

“I think it’s like pheromones? We can smell the hormones and the smell changes with your emotions.”

Keith sighed,  before stalking back off to his room. This was the first time he contacted Lance during the day. 

Keith: I just found out galra can sense pheromones. 

Lance: You wut?

Keith: Apparently depending on our emotions we smell different.

Lance: Can you? Smell emotions?

Keith: I never thought about it. I definitely smell a lot more than humans can. One of the Blades told me that most galra learn to control it. Maybe humans don’t emit strong enough pheromones for me to smell. 

Lance: Is it like, rude to have emotions? 

Keith: I wouldn’t be surprised. Galra never seemed like a race of emotionally sensitive people. 

There were invisible boundaries. To keep them from having too much hope, too much happiness. At first the boundary was just speaking to each other in general, because of course they couldn’t be happy together if they weren’t together. 

Lance, evidently, broke that one. Keith wished it were never there in the first place. 

Keith was the one to break the next boundary and Lance was overjoyed. He kept his tablet on him at all times, though he was careful not to let anyone see. He wanted to keep this to himself. Just for now. 

Each time he got a message from Keith, he had to force himself to not smile. It was becoming a problem. At least for a while. 

Soon, not only were the nights terrible, but the days became just as painful. The light drains out of the both of them as they no longer spend their days in excitement to speak to each other but in increasing agony over their distance. Their feelings for eachother grow larger and stronger. So strong that every moment they aren’t allowed to feel it hurts more. 

They lose the time to talk. The war is becoming back to back battles once again. Manpower is needed more than ever so not only is Voltron busy, but so is the Blade. The Coalition is a lot, but there is only so much. It’s difficult to organize universe wide diplomatic meetings, even for Allura.

The lows that follow leaving each other bleed into the days when no time can be found to speak. They bleed into the days where all that can be spoken of us ugly. The days of war. Of death. Of sacrifice. The days where the fight for freedom goes on and the soldiers grow weary. 

Still the same problems prevailed. Lance’s turmoil continued to go unnoticed. He continued to be invisible in his own home amongst his own family. 

Keith longed for his family. For Lance. He wished he could be with them. He wished so hard that it was very apparent to anyone who had a sense of smell worth their salt knew. He was now considered a flight risk. This he scoffed at. As if I’d leave all of you to die just to go home. That’s the catch. His love for his family and his refusal to allow lives to be lost to an empire as vial as Zarkons. He won’t abandon the war, not even for his own happiness. 

Then the day comes. There is a planet called Naxzela. It’s primarily a military outpost for the empire. If the Coalition is able to take and free Naxzela from Empire control, they will have gained control of a third of the Galran Empire. 

The entire Coalition is gathered, doing their best to stop the Empire, around a planet called Naxzela. They fight with everything they have. Every second, someone dies. Every second a ship falls from the sky, not only on their side, but on the Coalition's side as well. 

Voltron is on that planet. Keith’s family is on that planet. Lance is on that planet. Keith fights harder. Another ship drops from the sky. Another. Another. Another. Another. 

Voltron returns. Alive. That’s the good news though, an when it comes to war, it never outweighs the bad. They come back with information. They say the planet had been habitable only because of Altean terraforming technology. Haggar had tapped into this technology and turned the planet into a bomb. The battleship is the detonator. Both the planet and the ship are protected by shields. 

The whole Coalition opens fire. 

Not a scratch. 

“Maybe not with our weapons.” 

Keith takes off, dodging the lasers he soars directly towards the battleship. If our weapons can’t take down the shields, we need something more. The full force of a Blade of Marmora fighter ship just might work. 

If i don’t succeed we will all die. At least this way only one of us is gone. At least this way the pain will go away. 

He didn’t close his eyes as he approached his death. He wasn’t afraid. He knew this was the right thing to do. He chose this, he would not shy away from it. So he looked right at the thin purple glow that would be the end of him. He stared and confronted his death. The veil blinked out of existence.

He jerked the ship away and went sailing just by the edge of the ship. He had stopped listening to the commotion on his audio comm. It was time to tune back in. 

Lotor. 

Lotor had saved his life. 

After the battle, Keith finally was able to return to the Castleship. To return home. Immediately when he steps off his ship a force knocks into him and he nearly topples him over. It’s so warm. He can smell him. He really is home. 

“You fucking idiot!” Anyone could tell that Lance is screaming, despite the fact that he’s muffled by Keith’s shoulder. “How dare you.” 

Keith doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know which words to choose. He is so happy and so sad. So he is quiet. 

He is quiet and so is Lance as they walk to the infirmary. They ignore the aftermath of the battle. They ignore the Paladins, the rebels, the Blades. They ignore anyone trying to get their attention. Hand in hand, they are the silence between the battles. Lance's eyes are soft when the pod closes. Keith is glad that is the last thing he sees before falling into a deep sleep. 

It is three days before he leaves the pod. Lance waits there in the infirmary the whole time. Coran says that most of his injuries weren’t from the battle. There were minor bruises, sprains, even some fractures from weeks past littered across his body. 

Lance waits for three days and he doesn’t say a word to anyone besides Coran when he’s questioning after Keith’s progress.  Even then his speech is limited. This is when his family finally notices they’ve missed something. 

Over these three days Lance practically moves in. One of the gurneys is claimed as his. The white floors are littered with the tissues he hasn’t bothered to pick up. The bowls and spoons he used for the occasional food goo have created a pile in the corner. There are five blankets. Two on Lance’s gurney (he’d always thought they were too thin) and three laying on the floor just by Keith’s pod. One to lay on, two to keep him warm when he sleeps on the cold white metal. 

He spent a lot of time thinking, while he waited. He thought about a lot of things. Mainly how he almost lost Keith. He almost lost Keith before he was even able to tell him how he truly feels. He spent a lot of this time regretting. He regretted not telling him the most. They both knew. They knew their lives were on the line and they made that their reason to live in fear. They chose that as their reason to not take responsibility for themselves, their reason to run from their own feelings, their reason to punish themselves.

This is war. Lance realized. This is war, and I am brave enough to be fighting it. I should be allowed to love before I die.. Especially if I'm risking my life for theirs. To make sure they don’t have to. If I die out here I don't want to die in regret, never having lived my truth. 

The fourth morning he laid awake on his blankets staring up at Keith. He didn’t look ill at all anymore. He must be almost completely healed by now, he looked just like the Keith that had left. Almost. He had grown taller, his hair had gotten longer. He joked about it being a mullet before, but now it was more than long enough to be braided. He wished he could, it was something he did for his sisters back home. 

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears the electronic schwooop of the pod-shield lowering. He doesn’t have time to get up on his feet before Keith is toppling down. 

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe.” Lance says immediately, when Keith falls into his arms. He holds him tightly. It isn’t long before Keith does the same. They both know that Coran and Allura would have been alerted to Keith’s discharge from the pod and would be heading down to check on him. They took the time they had alone to hold onto each other. 

“Is this real?” Keith asks, his voice is so meek. So thin and quiet. 

“Yes, my love. This is real. I’m here. You’re safe.” 

Keith melts into Lance's arms. “I’m home?” 

“You’re home.” 

They hear footsteps outside the infirmary door before they see anyone. They aren’t surprised to see the whole team walk in. They would all want to see Keith when he was better. Lance wasn’t the only one who had missed him. He was family.It would be wrong if they didn’t want to see him after the stunt he’d pulled either.  

Shiro is the first to stalk into the room, with his big muscular body and his big powerful steps. “What the hell is going on here Lance? You’ve been uncollaborative and disrespectful for long enough. It ends now.” He shouts in his best commanding officer voice. 

Keith flinches. Lance squeezes him for a moment, before standing up. “You lost your right to give me orders. If i’ve been ‘uncollaborative and disrespectful’ then it’s obviously been a long time since you’ve looked in a mirror. Especially when your reaction to seeing your brother for the first time in months fall out of a pod because he nearly killed himself.” 

Shiro opens his mouth to speak only to be cut off. This time it is Coran. 

“I think he’s right, Shiro.” His voice is tense and serious. This never happens. “Let the boy speak.” 

Lance almost smiled. It seemed, recently, that Coran was the only one who truly cared. At the very least, he understood. 

“Keith almost dies, and your reaction when he comes out of a pod, three days later probably still coming down from an adrenaline high not only from his near death experience but from the drugs that pod pumped him full of. Your brother comes home from zero contact and your reaction is to storm in and make demands?” Lance speaks to his family. He speaks to his family in a situation other than battle for the first time in weeks. Months. “You really think you’re the one who deserves answers?” 

Lance kneels next to Keith once again. “You need food, water, and to relax.” His voice was soft now. “Do you want to go back to the bedrooms and wait for me there?”

Keith stands up. “I’m going to stay here. With you.” Same old Keith he sounds like. Only Lance could hear the slight quiver in his voice. 

“Lance?” Hunk spoke, concerned, “Buddy, what’s going on? What are we missing?” 

Lance almost laughed. It was a surprise to him. He hadn’t smiled without Keith in a long time. This wasn’t the context he wanted that to happen under. “What have I been doing?” He said decidedly.

Hunk looked confused. 

“What do you mean by that?” Pidge. 

“These last few months. What. Have. I Been. Doing>”

“The same as the rest of us.” Pidge spoke in that matter of fact way of hers.

“Yeah, you helped with the performances. You're loverboy Lance!”

“Exactly. I was Loverboy Lance. That explains so much.” Lance decides that they won’t ever realize on their own. He must open their eyes himself. He must be the one to hurt them. “When have you ever seen me do more than flirt with someone? When was the last time I went home with one, or brought one here? Hell, when was the last time I went on a date?” 

Silence. 

“I flirt. I sign autographs, I joke, and I tease. I have never been a player. I’ve never been Loverboy Lance, not in the way we showed the public. That’s not who I am. Just the same as any of you. Hunk, you are so much more than comedic flatulence, Pidge you aren’t a fraud you’re a genius and you know enough words to fill the script with that the audience will go home knowing how to turn their garbage disposal into a roomba. Allura, you’re your own Paladin, not Keith and there are so many amazing things about you that would make you just as interesting as Keith. 

“Keith isn’t the Lone Wolf. He’s just lonely, he always has been. None of us ever pur in the effort to change that, so why would he in return?” Lance turned to Hunk. “You were my best friend, Hunk, and this hurts so much. It hurts so much to know that you can’t see me for who I really am. I look at all of you and see my family and then I wonder, where did you go?” 

“I spent these last few months in Silence. I knew I wasn't good enough to keep up with you Pidge, Hunk. So I stayed away. I knew I would never live up to your expectations, Shiro, so I didn't bother with you either. I knew you didn’t want me around Allura, so I didn't stick around. I knew i would be left behind. 

“Eventually I stopped speaking.”

Lance stopped then. He took a deep breath. “None of you noticed. My own family had made me feel as though I didn't belong, and so I stopped belonging. Of course you guys were so caught up in being amazing that you didn’t notice. That much I don't care about. This is what is important. 

“How old are you, Pidge?” 

“I’m fifteen, you know that.” 

“Hunk?”

“17.” 

“Back on earth, none of us would be considered an adult. We wouldn’t be allowed to go through the airport alone. We wouldn’t be allowed to buy alcohol. We wouldn’t be allowed to have an input in our government. We would be children. 

“Here, on this ship, far away from our planet. We are war heros. We live in a castle that doubles as a spaceship, or a spaceship that doubles as a castle, and we are Paladins. We fight in battles on a larger scale than any one of our ancestors have ever fought in. We are soldiers.” 

Lance could feel the tears streaming down his face. “More importantly though, we are children.” 

Lance stalked out of the room. 

Keith followed. Even when he’d caught up, Lance didn’t slow down. He was sobbing now. Just like he had each night when they ended their calls. This time, however, Keith was there. This time he could intertwine their fingers. “Lance.” 

When they finally arrived at Lance's bedroom, hospital room, whichever you prefer it’s all the same to him,they both sat up on the bed. Keith held Lance as he cried. He cried and cried and cried and cried. They didn’t know how long they’d been there, but it didn’t truly matter. What did matter was that they were together. Between the sobs Keith could hear Lance mumble something just clearly enough to respond. 

“I love you too.” 

Lance looked up, those deep blue eyes so sad and so afraid, yet so full of hope. He looked intensely at Keith. “We are just children, I did mean what I said back there. We could die at any moment. I don’t want to let that stop us anymore.” 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“I love you Keith, and I don't want to live my life in fear of losing you. I want to use the time we have. This war would last the rest of our lives, whether they end early or decades from now. Why should we waste it?” 

Keith had never thought of it that way. He had let the thought of losing Lance consume him so deeply that he’d never thought of how it might feel to have him fully. “You’re right.” 

“I want to be with you. At this point I think it’s hurting us more to stay apart than it would to be together. Well I guess it’s hurting me, I can't really speak for you – Wait what did you say?” 

“I said you’re right. We should take advantage of the time we have.” 

Lance was speechless. 

“If you leave your mouth open any longer you might catch flies. I told you you were right, don’t get used to it.” 

Lance had been a man of words all night. He was sick of it. He grabbed onto Keith’s jawline and pulled his lips toward his own. He was so warm, like fire against his skin as they kissed. They’d been playing this game for so long. The kiss was the greatest thing Lance had ever experienced, or at least it felt like it in that moment. They kissed for a long time. Longer than they should. 

It was Keith that finally broke the kiss. He only broke away for a moment, before burying his face in Lance’s shoulder. 

“We have to talk about it, you know.” 

“Not now. You make me so happy. I just want to be happy right now. It’s been so long since I've been happy.”

“That’s okay. You’re allowed to be happy. That’s our mission from now on. Happiness.” 

They spent the night in Lance's room. They took their last opportunity to relax. After everything that has happened, not only over the course of the last few hours, but over the course of the last few days, weeks, months. They deserve peace, even if only for a moment. 

The next morning they walked out to breakfast hand in hand. They had a calm conversation with their team. With their family. They spoke about how they felt so alone. They spoke about how they’ve spent so long being too afraid of  death to love each other. They spoke about how they are so scared all the time, but never scared for themselves. They would all die for the cause at a moment’s notice, but they still feared the death of their friends and family. 

Everyone shared how they felt, not only Lance and Keith. Pidge shared how scared she was. She was so young. Hunk shared how he felt so guilty for being the cowardly one, and wishes he could be brave like the rest of the Paladins. Allura tells them how she believes that she is only a Paladin because of her father, as though it was some sort of obligation. Shiro expressed that he was so afraid he wasn’t qualified to be the leather of a universal revolution. Coran worries he isn’t useful. 

They all feel so alone. So isolated that they couldn’t find comfort in their own family. 

They came to an understanding. Allura and Shiro, and Coran realized they were wrong for putting so much pressure on a bunch of teenagers that didn’t know what they were getting into. Keith, Lance, Hunk, and Pidge all realized that they didn’t have to pretend to be braver than they were. 

Especially because they were the bravest in the universe. 

Even war heroes are allowed to have a weakness. 

Especially if they’re children.

Is there a way we'll be able to keep updated on how you are after the blog closes? I've seen things like this happen before and I always wonder if the person that ran the blog is happy or even ok! If you want to leave it at this that is also fine. Either way, safe travels and a happy life to you.

(warning, long personal post ahead)

(I'm sorry. You probably wanted a simple answer, but I don't have one.)

I've had this in my inbox for a while, and I still don't have an answer, despite the fact that we've got less than a week to go. I'm honestly feeling very conflicted about what to do next. A lot of my wants and needs are clashing, and I don't know what to do. I want to keep in contact with people I've made as friends, I really do. There are definitely some users who come into my notes and make me happy to see. I love chatting with people in this format, and people actually care about what I have to say. It's remarkable.

I need a break from writing and social media. I started getting caught up in obsessing over notes and follower count, which ugh- There are so many other ways I could use my time. I need to write for myself again, but posting about myself and my snippets feels like crafting something for an audience.

I've been debating a few different things. I have a PO box now, if someone wants to send me something. I'm debating whether to make it public so everyone can join the fun, or to DM it just to the people who specifically asked for it. I don't know how connected I want to be to other people right now. I'm debating creating a second blog as a personal one, and leaving this one as an archive. I want to digitally hang out with people, but I'm a naturally anxious person and hanging out with people stresses me out.

The narrator is still in my head, and I have so many ideas that I want to explore with him. Not as headcanons, not as requests, but longer fic ideas. A friend and I were chatting about this earlier. I want to do a longfic slow burn about the narrator coming to our world and getting a chance to explore. This would be slow character development and have him go from his gameself to his more mellow and kind version that I created. Something long and fulfilling, more than 50K words if I could manage it. And that's just one idea of about five that I have. He has so much potential as a character. There are so many aspects of him that I'd love to play with.

There's so much I still want to do. I want to stay connected to you guys, but only if I can find a way that's healthy for me. Don't even get me started on the issues that come with being a full time student at a university. Competition is tough here. I'm already tired from the move in, and I've gotta be mostly recovered by the time school starts or else my grades are going to suck. Something far worse could happen if I'm not gentle with myself. And I have personal issues that I don't talk about often. I don't want the sight of my personal stuff to be a stressor for anyone. There are a few people who I used to follow, who constantly posted about their problems and their mental health, and I couldn't find a way to detach from them except to unfollow.

There's an active and angry part of my brain that wants to purposely self sabotage and burn out in my first quarter, because I really don't want to be in college at all. But there's nowhere else for me to go. Housing and food are covered for me due to scholarships and a hell of a lot of luck.

I don't like myself very much, for a variety of reasons. Resisting this part of my brain that wants to destroy myself is taking a huge amount of concentration and willpower. There's a reason that when I write personal stuff, it's always characters telling me that I deserve good things. "A story is not always for the listener, sometimes it's for the one who tells it." (paraphrased, welcome to night vale)

I usually keep my political beliefs out of my blog, but I so wish we had some sort of help for people who don't want to follow a preset career path. Universal income, or something similar. If I had the ability to have housing and food taken care of, I'd keep writing all the time. If there wasn't so much stress and pressure to be a student, to be productive, I'd be so much happier.

I guess I'm asking the crowd for advice. I don't want to leave, but I can't seem to stay either. That's the thing, I've always wanted segmented, clean breaks. But life is complicated, and my emotions keep getting in the way.

Many of you are very sweet, and I couldn't keep myself detached forever. You all collectively wore me down, and got access to my heart.

I can't tell if it's rude or charming that you guys got to me. (half-joke)

And the narrator- Don't get me started (or do, my inbox is still open) on this guy. If he was real, I'd be shaking him by the shoulders in frustration. I accidentally made him too real in my head, and now he's a constant companion. I'm working on getting my computer repaired so I can play the demo, which I haven't yet. It involves a three hour round trip to get the components fixed. I could watch a video, but I'd rather play the game myself so there's less of a barrier between us. There are no other characters I would go to these lengths for. I love him so much, and I want to write dialogue for him until the stars burn out. To put it another way-

The absolute bastard. If I ever find a way to crossover to his place, I'm going to have strong words with him because he had no right to capture my heart like this. He didn't even have to try. I'm furious about it. (but not really)

Hey, we got way off track in this ramble. Call that narrator-core.

Introductory post!!

Hello! Names's Cemical.

I use any pronouns, tbh i probably wont be too active unless i have something to post about. I just now started using this account just to post/share random thoughts and or realizations about Omori, but i would most likely post about other stuff too!

If you couldn't tell I am going through that Omori brain rot HARD, i rlly love Omori. I'm also proud to say that i am a Dragoon and Pomudachi o7, some other things that i love is Adventure Time and its spin offs, He-man and the Masters of the Universe, Mitski, Gwitch, Popee the Performer, and Arcane.

I draw btw! I have difficulties drawing humans, my strong points in art are animals and backgrounds! Basically anything that doesn't involve humans LMAO. I don't do commissions and i honestly do see myself opening commissions pretty soon. Almost forgot but I mainly do traditional art, I do occasionally do digital art tho!

(Keep reading pls 🙏)

Things about me >:3

i am a minor. yes, i make suggestive jokes, and yes, i don't mind hearing them. However! i will not do any sort of explicitly nsfw content.

The one thing i love the most is OMORIIIIII EHHEJHEjEl. I love Omori a normal amount/j I especially love sunburn (THEY'RE SO CUTE I CANT) ANyways if you love Omori too pls be my mutual, i wanna talk to ppl who love Omori like i do!!

Another thing I'm heavily interested in is He-man and the Masters of the Universe! So the same thing i said about Omori applies here, probably even more so since it is an old tv show AJHBdj(MOOTS PLS)

I mainly text on discord so if you want to chat on there DM on here so i can give you my discord username!

im very bad at spelling (my name is literally chemical spelled wrong LMAO) 👍

Like i said earlier, i am a proud Pomudachi and Dragoon o7, the amount of love I have for Selen and Pomu is insane-

PLEASEE DNI IF:

If you are: A proshipper, homophobic, racist, transphobic, ableist, xenophobic, or just anything like that, i don't like that shit.

My tags...?

I'm new to using Tumblr if that wasn't obvious but i do know that this should help organize things so lets gooo!

Cemical Doodles - Just for my art, not just for doodles 😼

Neuro Wavelengths - for if ppl ask me questions!

Cemical thoughts - For random things that i think about, honestly it might just be filled with Omori related things 💀

ASK ME QUESTIONS!!!!!

Please feel free to ask questions! Preferably something related to my interests or maybe just wanting to learn more about me, but i wouldn't mind random questions ONLY if they're appropriate.

I also wouldn't mind if you request me to draw/doodle smth just don't expect me to do it. 😼👍

I M,EANT TO SEND YOU AN ASK LAST NIGHTBUT I FELL ASLEEP. AND THEN I WAS GONNA SEND YOU ONE EARLIER BUT THEN I HAD TO GO DO SOMETHING AND FORGOT. I CAN FINALLY FREAKING SEND YOU ONE BUT YOURE IN POST LIMIT HELL SO I GUESS YOU CAN ANSWER THIS LATER BUT TELL ME ABOUT THE BLUE FROG FREAK. DORORO? I DONT HAVE THEIR NAMES DOWN YET. THE DAD ONE

IT HAPPENS. i live *covered in blood* I love Lance Corporal Dororo. Everyday I wake up in a dream that never ends because of my undying love for him. If that’s a problem for you, then you can go to hell. I LOVE Dororo.

hope none of that is too hard to read i had uh, Thoughts. thinking about it this dude is probably like… THE. ultimate favorite character. of all time. he fundamentally altered my brain chemistry and i would do anything in the world for him.

so like, dororos family is super rich. thats literally why he n keroro became friends in the first place, bc they went to the same Military Prep Elementary School and one time keroro went to dororos house and saw that his family was LOADED and that he had all the COOL toys so he immediately went WERE FRIENDS RIGHT? so he could hang out w dororo to play w the cool toys. and dororo had had very few friends in his life before that so he went Yeah of course! and then spent his entire childhood doing pretty much whatever keroro asked so they would stay friends. but anyway, i don’t think his family being rich counts for anything at present, since he’s on earth, and i dont know if he like… has. any money. that is viable on earth. he must get some money somehow since he & koyuki like, have a house and are alive? but she doesn’t seem to have like, a job or anything, and i doubt he steals from the invasion budget so like. i dont know where the money comes from and there can’t be very much of it.

ALSO I OOVE THAT THE BLORBO BLINGUS ASK GAME LETS ME THINK ABT CHARACTERS PLAYING MINECRAFT. I know dororo canonically knows how to use a computer bc i just rewatched the episode where the platoon tries to make their own anime today and he uses a computer to do the coloring digitally but like. Dororo does not know how to use a computer. He first learned about stuff on earth from koyuki who spent half her life in a completely isolated village and only got out after she met him and he hasn’t branched out much since. I don’t know if we ever see him play video games or anything like that. I don’t think he would know how to do that. I think the tiny crappy radio he & koyuki have is the most technology hes comfortable with. “i don’t really like using these computers they freak me out” “Dororo you’re from a society with technology way more advanced than this. which you use.” “yeah well this is different”

Anyhow point is i want to see the keroro platoon play minecraft. Dororo keeps trying to build peaceful little houses with nice farms and they keep getting accidentally blown up or burnt down by everyone else. Tamama is in the caves trying to befriend slimes and when he finds out he can’t he just starts killing them en mass. Everyone goes to check out what Kururu is doing and he’s made one of those fully functional redstone computers, for fun.

ALSO ID ALWAYS CALLED DORORO KOYUKIS DAD BUT I NEVER REALLY REALIZED WOW HE LEGIT DOES ACT LIKE IT HUH. hi welcome home how do you like your new school :) its so sweet… i bet he has like 3 backup plans for attempting to homeschool her if anything happens that keeps her from going to public school. i bet they make lunches together. god, this is sweet, but also really funny to imagine, because he is less than 2 feet tall, and round. i watched an episode today that starts w koyuki coming home and dororo is just on the ground loudly sobbing and shes like oh did you fight with your friends again? and then thinking about friends makes her flashback to her childhood best friend & when she met dororo So Hard that she just falls asleep. while hes still there on the floor loudly crying about how he wonders if keroro even considers him a friend. theyre so funny

ok i guess thats all thanks for coming to my dororo talk <3 This post is so long. Tee hee!

thank you @deathclassic for the tag <3

i cant put a read more on tumblr ipad what the fuck

1. Do you post on Ao3? If so, how many works do you have on AO3? If not, where do you post?

i dont post art there, but i do post fic.

2. What is your total art count?

I have been drawing digitally since I was 8 (traditionally even longer), it's well into the thousands. Maybe even tens of thousands.

3. What are your top 5 pieces by likes/kudos?

I have no idea, I just know my most liked piece is a tie between a P5 valentines day comic and a really old Buzzfeed Unsolved shitpost.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try, but I'm not great at it. ADHD brain.

5. What is your current fandom, and what was the first fandom you drew for?

I'm all over the fucking place rn, mostly Star Wars, Scott the Woz, Umbrella Academy, Adventure Time. My first was Sonic the Hedgehog. :)

6. Have you ever received hate on any art?

Bestie I had THREE separate hate accounts dedicated to me on instagram back in the day.

7. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t drawn for yet but want to?

Stonathan from Stranger Things, do more Adventure Time stuff, uhhhhhh,,, honestly idk.

8. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Shuake/Akeshu.

9. Do you draw outside of fandom?

Not as much as I'd like, but I'm working on an original horror graphic novel so.

10. What’s the an art piece you’ve drawn that came out completely differently than you expected?

Hmmmmm. This one changed like eight times.

11. Do you draw smut?

Not as often now, but sometimes.

12. Have you ever had any of your art stolen or copied?

A lot more in the past, not so much nowadays. I don't mind tracing or reposting anyway, so I don't really keep track.

13. Have you ever collaborated on a piece?

A long long time ago!

14. What’s an idea you have that you have yet to draw?

I have about 636372 STW ideas rattling in my skull right now.

15. What are your drawing strengths?

Honestly? I don't think I have many. I dislike my art a lot and think I struggle far too much. I guess I'm okay with hands, if I HAD to pick.

16. What are your drawing weaknesses?

Faces, perspective, light source, legs, proportions, fluidity, environments, consistency, line weight.

17. What’s your favorite art piece you’ve drawn?

This is the only thing I think I've drawn in the past 2 years that I didn't just like but loved.

18. What is one thing you’d like to tell people about your art that they might not know?

I don't know what I'm doing, ever. I went to college for this and really I'm still just winging it.

19. What inspires or motivates you to create for fandom?

As fucked up as you may see this, honestly, a big reason is I like the attention. I like interacting with people who find something in my work, it's nice and I like the validation, sue me.

20. And finally, can you describe your process a little? Do you have a favourite place to draw? Do you play something in the background? Do you do research or just go for it? Give us a little insight:

I like to draw on the couch, or in bed. I used to draw in the most uncomfortable position ever, which was on my fucking stomach with a pillow under my jaw. Pre-iPad, I drew at my desk with my Wacom Bamboo tablet. And it depends! Sometimes I'll listen to music, other times I'll put on a YouTube essay or something. Beforehand, I work out a few thumbnails, then open Safari or Pinterest for references. :P

If you're an artist, feel free to do this if you'd like!

Letter to you that I'll never send

Hi!

How are you? I hope you're doing well. I am writing this to you with no intention to ever sending it to you. So if you're really reading this, either I'm ready or I've lost my mind. My apologies.

How is life? I wouldn't lie, I followed you online until I started seeing your happier self. It felt imposing but I wanted to see you get better after us. It made me feel really happy seeing you excited by your favourite cloudscape, when your favourite team won the dreaded matches and especially when you finally got to travel after this lengthy isolation. How was it when your feet finally touched the beach sands, was it overwhelming like you said it would be? Seeing your stuff made me curious, a little bit.

It has been a year now and I see your old smile is back. Maybe it was then I took myself away from watching your posts. I couldn't help shedding a few tears then. And then it became a bawling session. See, this is why you'll never read this. I can't and I will never tell you how heartbroken it makes me to see even a glimpse of your presence. I wish No, i don't wish anymore. I'm not where you are, I don't think I'll reach there. It breaks me to imagine you going on with life, knowing our promise of getting back together will not happen anymore. I wished for myself to get better for so long until I gave up. Yeah, I'm a sucker. No, I can't get up anymore.

I still have dreams about you. Although I can't remember your face anymore, my mind still holds onto you when it's free. They're such a hope on a couple of occassions. One time I was also at the beach with you, finally getting out with you, or the other when the pandemic didn't happen and we didn't have to part ways. I wake up smiling only to remember that it's not like it used to be anymore. Sometimes it reminds me of the truth when my mind makes a realistic visual of you living your life currently and I can only see you from these digital screens, never getting to be with you. Funny that I never realise when I've woken up from them. This makes me think, I did love you, didn't I? Then why have I spent the last year saying it wasn't real love? Why can't I go back to you? Why don't you call me?

I sound so broken, don't I? I'm okay, don't worry. This has always been my life and you knew that. I can keep living like this, loving you some days when I can bear the pain. But if you're reading this, and I really hope not, tell me something. How did you do it? How did you get past it and survived us breaking apart? Did you keep the hope or worked on forgetting things?

I really hope I didn't end up boggling your brain once again but I can't help it.

Ha! I'm never getting an answer to this.

tips for beginning artists from someone who's been drawing since he could first pick up a crayon:

1. anything worth doing is worth doing poorly

scared the drawing you want to make will turn out ugly? nervous you won't do the angle/character/lighting/etc justice? do it anyway. do it scared. do it weird, do it anatomically incorrect, do it uncolored, but whatever you do, draw that thing. it's better to get the idea out on paper/canvas/etc than to leave it in your brain to eventually fade away. if you still really love the concept, you can come back to it later with better skills, and if you end up disliking it, well, now that you've drawn it you don't have to ever again!

2. get a little silly with it

experiment with your art. go to a color palette generator and make something with the first thing you get. make ocs with complicated designs and weird backstories. change things about your style just to see how they look. the more things you try out, the more things you'll find out you like (or dislike), and your art will start to really feel like yours. i'm not sure if the Youth of Today get as hung up over not having an art style as i used to, but if you do, there's only one way to get it: fuck around and find out.

3. always cheat

listen. there are many people who will tell you that tracing a reference or color picking from a photo or whatever is cheating. those people are lying to you. obviously there are limits (like don't trace/recolor art and post it without credit), but the vast majority of the time, tracing and taking inspiration from other people's art is how you get better.

(one way to stop yourself from plateauing is to trace a reference, then try drawing it by hand. you can also try breaking down a pose into basic shapes/lines; if this seems confusing, just pretend you're making hitboxes for it video game style.)

4. take a goddamn break

if drawing is starting to feel more like a chore than a hobby, or if you feel like you've run out of good ideas, stop for a couple days. pursue another hobby, eat good food, observe local flora and fauna. even if you love drawing with all your heart and think you'll never get enough of it, your brain needs a refresher every now and then to come up with new cool stuff to draw. trying to push past burnout will most likely just ruin the fun of it for you.

5. make a mary sue oc immediately

there's way too much hate on mary sue characters, especially when so many stories introduce protagonists by going "what if there was a guy. and he was the Specialest Guy Ever." having a character who's sexy and smart and powerful is not only fun, but good for the soul, and nobody gets hurt when you make one. plus, it's hard to overstate how good it is to have a character you love to draw in lots of different outfits, poses, and situations.

6. your art is good because you made it

now this one will probably be controversial, since a lot of artist memes are about feeling self conscious about or straight-up hating your own art. but you've gotta find pride in what you make. you've gotta look at your drawings and say, "this fucks actually and i did an amazing job." for me, even if i don't like how a drawing turned out, i try to find at least one thing i really like about it, like the shading or colors or emotion. making self-deprecating jokes stops being ironic the more you do it, and the same applies to jokingly tearing your own art apart.

7. keep your old art

a very good poster once said that throwing away/deleting your old art is like walking up a staircase and smashing every stair behind you. even if you're very high up, you won't see it because it looks like you're just on the first step.

personally, i have sketchbooks going back to early 2018, when i first started regularly using them, and i keep some of my first ever digital pieces in an archive on my tablet, but i get that that sort of record keeping isn't possible for a lot of people. the gist of this advice is just to have some reminder of where you've been, so you can look forward to where you're going.

8. make furry characters

beyond the obvious (you're probably a furry and it's nice to be able to draw your fursona), doing furry art is also a great way to find community in art. whether you do commissions, comics, or just draw yourself for fun, furry art is a wonderful method of self-expression that has the added bonus of being basically limitless. my main fursona is a bug, my secondary one is a gastropod. follow your dreams.

there may be more i add to this list later, but these are the main ones i can come up with. obligatory disclaimer that i'm just one guy with one experience; this advice might not work for everyone; etc etc. i've just tried to base this off of what i wish i knew when i started getting into art seriously.

gasp 🔴 live viewing of soulmates au unfolding irl

yes in fact i am (confirmed)

to be fair i haven't been on tumblr that long i joined somewhere btwn jan-mar of this year and so i don't think ive experienced many of your themes (blog profile wise), but i remember stalking the tags and it was easy to spot what works were yours based on the header edit, it stands out and is v eyecatching among other stuffs in the tags ^_^

mhm i think your style is very deviantart fs hehe,,, NAUR FR they r the ogs i used to want to be them so bad. for reference i started getting into kpop around 2/2.5 gen,, i was an admin on a facebook snsd fanpage and posted like png shadow/swirl edits 😭😭😭 simple times

hell i'd love to! i don't think i'm mentally there i fr lack the creative capacity, its in very rare circumstances do i see something that i kind of envision and edit in my head and ill usually screenshot it to keep the idea there but i even more rarely ever jump into starting the edit.

yes it is! i still have and use it, it was the 'it' app for photo editors back then me thinks, kind of like the ae of photo editing... at least from my viewpoint on the ig fanpage editing scene. it was the hotter sister to picsart lmaoo

see soulmates au!! we couldve crossed paths but we didn't!! until now!! 😾

omg wait stop it cus i used to love reading imagines n shit on ig but im pretty sure i stopped because i felt like it wasn't a popular content type esp since its a photography platform. i browsed the tags for imagines n stuff but it was meh,, i only followed ONE imagines account 🥲

wait so to clarify, u also edited on ig alongside writing?? imagine if we crossed paths on the algorithm dats crazy 😭 you're the cool one i wish i could be skilled in both literature and art ?? i simply do not have enough brain cells for that ^_^

canva on phone is my enemy‼️ at least the last time i used the mobile app,, bc i now use it only on desktop, sometimes on ipad... cus u alr cannot see the layers i cannot be doing anything complex bc i will def tap on the wrong layer and thats annoying -_- the patience u have ㅠㅠ well assuming the app is still like that idk maybe it changed

HAHAH i used to draw before like pencil paper shit so i thought i could do it digitally....and after years of not drawing on pencil paper too 💀💀

u are so much more articulate than me goodbye thats embarrassing 4 me T_T

soulmate does exist <3 look at us being prime example!!

actually i think ive active with my account within the time frame as well, probably feb-march i think, but before that i didn't care about the account that much but like slowly started make headers im a tryhard ( only after i stopped obsessing tumblr themes bc i couldn't figure it out) ARE you fr?? like u could tell my works in the tags of my header?! dude that's so,,, that's like such a huge compliment that I've got something that makes someone go ah yes it's that same. author like it feels so fulfilling, YOURE REALLY BUTTERING ME UP ILYSM!!! thousand consentual kisses!!!!

YOURE SO COOL WTH YOU'VE BEEN HERE SINCE 2/2.5 GEN PLS THATS SO awesome ive been into kpop since mid 2017 so most of my groups like og ones were third gen but I listened to 2nd gens too and SNSD my beloved!!! genie was my introduction of kpop tbh and replay by shinee is what made me stay so i can say im a child of 2nd gens too lmao but holy shit I want YOUR PLAYLIST!!!!!!!! GIVE ME SONG RECS!

tbh i get you i only edit for my headers or blog too tbh like usually if there is no purpose you don't really feel like editing bc it's like what are you even gonna do with it? and you've said that you've always posted them so maybe the fact you don't have anywhere to showcase your art has you feeling like that too?

"hotter sister of picsart" this is so real bc all the hot editorson Instagram ( the western artists collage style specially) all used superimpose and thr fact they used to pay for it too.

bro like imagine if we did cross paths i think i was more active on ig during 2019-2021? imagine if we had ever crossed paths since we both worked on kpop lmao, okay but if you like posted your work under #kpopgfx im pretty sure i have came across at least once!

did kpop have imagine accounts? i knew a lot of dating door accounts tho lmao but then again i was stuck in wattpad, and that's all the delulu you need lmao.

lmao yeah i always wrote with my works, most of my edits were based on stuff i wrote basically like love stories based on songs, certain ideas (was BIG on mythologies and all the other things.) but really fr tho i wonder if I actually ever saw your work tho because i never had the guts to interact with other editors.

lmao im the same with canva but on laptop i for the life of me cant do that plus i just use it get pngs and other stuff also when i want to do masking lmao. i usually collect shit on there and then manipulate those on my own app.

bro that is insane that you used to actually drawing like as someone who can't draw a single straight line this is so cool to me i really wish i could draw tbh

articulate and me? lmao im literally all over the place but it's so sooo fun to talk to you!!

Well I believed I had said enough but I guess not. Well I forgot to mention stuff again or I want to bring up more great points or important things again. I am great with simple words of course. I am a great communicator using simple effective communication. Again I am simple, real, and smart but again there is a lot to talk about life or my life and I have been meaning to or I want to bring up so much great points or important things but this is really too much it’s overwhelming but I still wanna say what I want to. I encourage people if they care to and have the time to read my previous posts or all my posts about everything’s always been old school. Again these great points or things to say I have been thinking about or meaning to say since last month January 2023. I care or I am interested to talk about life or my life such as like I said before in previous messages from last year or before I turned 28 that me being a virgin forever and sex isn’t everything everybody has cheating thoughts and my theory that females are based off males or the female body is just simply the male body modified. So it’s my free will again to let’s say be interested in talking about life or my life but this is like I am writing a college essay or even worse an Ivy League essay paper or writing a terms agreement paper ay yay yay. I have never read a harry potter book in my life but those books or any book that is super long how do people read or make copies of long books is beyond me and will take forever. My last name is Reid and I am not much of a reader now but would have been more of a reader reading analog stuff as a kid if I knew everything’s always been old school life fact but I do like to read maybe I will read a Harry Potter book but again people have free will so maybe I won’t. Obviously there are people who never use digital stuff in their entire life forever and there’s nothing wrong with that of course and I wish I never used digital stuff in my entire life forever if I knew everything’s always been old school and Alan turing. I am not the only one who prefers analog stuff again. Again nothing wrong with using digital stuff or it’s not entirely bad but the more people know everything’s always been old school and Alan turing the more people use analog we can have billions well maybe not billions but hundreds of millions of people using analog. Again not forcing people to use digital cause that’s free will. touch or read a book in their life because no education or school or they don’t want to read dislike to read or some people dislike other forms of entertainment like sports or music never listened to music never was interested in sports. I have typed so much and again this has to be the most I have ever written or typed in my life geez this is frustrating I keep writing more and more I though what I said was enough. Again I rather use analog stuff or spread my message in person but since this is a digital world for now then I will use digital stuff. I don’t even know why I am doing this using digital stuff to spread my message and why even bother since there are people who don’t care what I have to say then I obviously have free will just like other people to not care or not be interested in what you have to say. Whether people talk in person analog or digitally ,which I prefer analog again, so whether people talk in real life or analog I won’t care what you have to say unless you agree or talk about everything’s always been old school life fact and Alan turing then I’m interested. Again I am embarrassed that I didn’t know this life fact and I said before that the life fact is subconscious in our brains perhaps. I was angry that people didn’t care about me being real or what I had to say in my online videos or posts  ,but what do you expect and  I say this to my younger self when I was a kid or younger adult so now that I know this life fact I wish I could tell my younger self the life fact and tell myself what did you expect because everything’s always been old school life fact, and before I knew everything’s always been old school I was angry of all the evil or negativity in the world angry at the world same negativity another year so I  blocked people I even blocked real people taking it out on others when I was an idiot just like other people for continuing to believe over and over that being positive or being real or positive things such as computers or digital stuff can change the world for the better or stop evil or negative things forever which it never has, it is impossible never will happen because again of the life fact. I am sorry for those I blocked but I feel sorry for myself that I didn’t know everything’s always been old school and I wouldn’t use digital stuff at all in the 1st place.  I am angry at myself for not knowing this life fact when I was younger as kid. Again I wish I knew it then so I could help people obviously. Again this life fact helped me and I know it helps people understand life better or how life works. So I took it out on people that doesn’t mean I am fake or I am evil. Again just because real people take it out on others doesn’t men they are fake or evil. I am not evil or fake obviously. Again I am real, I am simple, I am smart etc. I am not perfect humans are not perfect again. So again real people do lie but its not a lie to hurt or take advantage of people then it’s ok again because again we all are imperfect humans. I hope real people give me second chances. I am all for giving real people or real friends second chances in life but fake people or fake friends no second chances. I don’t give evil or fake people such as pedophiles or murders second chances obviously. Murderers or people who intentionally killed people who didn’t deserve to be killed deserve to be killed. Real people don’t deserve to be killed obviously. 2pac for instance he did an awful thing raping people which I won’t give him a second chance but did he deserve to die no. My free will how I feel or believe is if you are a murderer evil person like a swatter etc you deserve to die face the death penalty or be in prison jail for l a long time or for life. 9/11 for instance was scary and again it’s not always about mental health so people were traumatized. Also generalizing people or stereotypes is not right but people have free will again or are idiots. Not all muslims are evil and fake obviously. I wish I could kill fake or evil people like osama bin laden or terrorists or mass shooters or the Austin bomber of course these pieces of human garbage seek negative attention make me want to kill for punch them and these pieces of human garbage must have had a bad upbringing in their home life oh well but many people including real people have bad upbringings in their home life but they know right for wrong. Again fake people such as my mom and fake people in my autism care team division of developmental disabilities whatever your names are farah and sarah it’s mainly Sarah she is the higher up person but these fake people seek negative attention and are ruining my home life I still won’t kill people or take it out on others but hey that is your free will again. I wish evil or negative things never existed in life but of course that is not possible because of the life fact again. I didn’t have a tough upbringing in my home life never was abused thankfully but I did experience negative moments or drama in my home life just like everybody else nobody’s home life is perfect either obviously. I also have to deal with my fake mom so my home life was not great because of that and no wonder my dad divorced my mom .Again I have explained what my mom and other fake people have done to me in my previous messages If you care to read them. I respect my cool relatives like my cool real dad with his cool gold chain and my dad jokingly calls people including his kids chumps lol I call him a chump as well so does my bro. My dadeo is a chump lol. So unlike my uncool fake mom. She along with other fake people don’t care what I have to say about the life fact and Alan turing and are dumb lack common sense like my mom. Again everybody makes idiotic mistakes especially when you are young a kid or young adult. The younger you are the dumber you are I care to say. I never brought this incident up before in my previous messages but now I wanna bring it up so in summer of 2022 I made a stupid mistake when I was undressing outside on my nana’s porch I was changing my clothes outside because my nana didn’t let me in she was sleeping and I got to her house really late at night because I got on the wrong bus again twice , my nana lives near philly by the way, so I climbed on her porch and slept on the porch furniture. I changed my clothes really early in the morning and her porch is not visible to the public it’s a backyard porch so I’m like how can people see me but I was wrong because my nana saw me completely naked somehow I wasn’t paying attention and she wakes up early sometimes to garden I didn’t think about that so that was really uncomfortable for my nana obviously. So she didn’t want to see me understandably but I still wanted to see her and I was concerned about nana since she wasn’t answering the phone and I decided to call the police. The police in this area are state police for some reason. So I called the police to check on my nana but at the time I didn’t have a phone so how I made phone calls was I used other peoples phones which of course are digital and I had no choice whenever I had to make a phone call  like when I was in a convince store I used a digital phone  because I had no choice and I needed to make a phone call. So I asked this lady who was an idiot because I know she heard me but didn’t listen to me when I said my nana is not hurt it’s not an emergency and I just need the police only to check on her since nana won’t talk to me. So the ambulance showed up of course and the state police officer long shows up and nana was upset the ambulance showed up but I was trying to tell her it wasn’t my fault so she was upset or angry I guess and told the officer to get me off her property never to go to her property for a long time and the officer warned me and then I cried there on the spot I collapsed to the ground I didn’t deserve this. I was also going to use my analog phone that I brought with me since you know me I prefer analog stuff again and of corse I ruined my chances with that I blew it. The whole day I was crying I cried on the way home multiple times. Nana I wanna say I am sorry of course I am real this is a sincere genuine apology. My real friend frank from the ymca had a tough upbringing in his home life. Again things don’t bother me as much because of the life fact aka everything’s always been old school so it is what it is and life is difficult or unfair again. The human frank from the ymca. This is the human life of frank from the ymca. Again if I had known the life fact when I was a kid I am sure I would have met real people like frank from the ymca or Charlie wills somehow. Charlie Wills has autism or Aspergers like me by the way. So does Simon Richards he has autism. Also Charlie wills told me making the peace sign can be offensive to some people in other countries. I don’t mean to offend people obviously. Charlie wills is a smart man. Age usually comes with wisdom or being smarter. Some people don’t care to know anything or experience life do nothing with their life waste away because of free will again. But Frank from the ymca my real friend again and Ashley Bernard my other real friend again they are over 5 years older than me and they have more life experience and I respect that. So we are both young adults or adults here. Again keeping my females based off males theory in mind. Females can be as smart as males. We are all human again. Fake and evil people who say degrading things like dumb b**ch or dumb s**t again you keep my theory in mind and you calling them degrading names is like calling males s**ts and that is also a double standard. Males can be s**ts too. So whether you are 18 or 21 some countries say 21 is the legal adult age but anyway any age you can be a minor I again don’t age discriminate. You can be 18 or 21 and know more than I do. Not always the older you are the more you know. But again obviously I don’t know everything nobody does. They say the oldest siblings are at higher chance of getting autism for some weird reason a bad weird I guess. Again autism is a blessing and a curse. I am little bothered or embarrassed that I have autism and me being the oldest sibling of 3 at the same time and my younger bro and younger sister have more life experience from let’s say getting a job and going to school and traveling when I haven’t done much traveling and never had a job in my life and dropped out of college. Again if I knew what I know now about everything’s always been old school I would have gone to school graduated gotten a job etc by now. I also wouldn’t care what people think so much and not do what society says like  be an adult and not live in your parents house. I would have still lived in my parents house if I knew everything’s always been old school again. I would live there until my 30’s or as long as I could obviously nobody lives forever can’t live in your parents house forever. It’s difficult for everybody to accept everything’s always been old school and death again. Again I met frank through the ymca mentor program but an organization called Monmouth cares the guy from Monmouth cares mark crescent referred me to frank from the ymca in 2015. Again it’s not always about mental health but the reason why I got cares is because of the mental health crap but cares isn’t all about mental health so perhaps I still would have met mark. I still would have met Charlie wills if I had never gotten ddd. I met Charlie wills through ddd and I regret having ddd obviously but my fake mom of course got me involved with ddd. I wish I had met Charlie wills a different way.

I can go for months without watching porn so again I am not addicted but those porn images and videos are stuck in my head forever. Sometimes I did masturbate remembering the porn in my memory so I can masturbate without watching porn. Analog porn I never got a hold of but again if I knew the life fact I would have never watched porn and not cared about soles of peoples feet. Again sex isn’t everything so just because you mention a body part doesn’t mean it’s about sex. So again everybody is different or weird in a good or bad way. Every Human has different  personalities like either a real personality or fake personality and I dislike fake or evil people obviously again. So just like personality persons foot or soles are different. Some people have wrinkled soles or a whole lot of wrinkle soles and some don’t have any at all. A human not soles can tell a lot about a humans personality they say. So what is too hot about let’s say acne or moles or the human nose again? I found acne or freckles birth marks attractive it’ a good weird the human body is weird again in a good and bad way. I uses to have a big mole on my neck and my dad cut It off when I was 9 years old but somehow I remember that but can’t remember other things like certain peoples names or events. The human brain memory is weird in good and bad way. Boogers of peoples noses lol like soles of peoples feet anyway I did find noses attractive sure but again whatever floats your boat. If people are into plus size people or obese people then that’s your preference. I was turned on by curvy coke bottle pear shaped females with cellulite or no cellulite but I loved seeing cellulite. Or again females wearing skimpy clothing or tight clothing like jeans. Ah man I keep my theory in mind yes always remember females are based off males the female body is just the male body modified and is a big possibility or theory. So females who wear clothing like that can do it intentionally and be inappropriate so sex isn’t everything again or they wear it for fashion which again sex isn’t everything and makes males turned on by that and even though you wear clothes like that for fashion it’s inappropriate like high shorts high skirts or tank tops not jeans ripped jeans not too ripped or dresses. Again I feel disgusted being attracted to females when I think of the theory now. So it’s like wearing clothes like that around kids well teens I guess it depends how old you are or legal age. Teaching gay sex education to little kids is not the appropriate age. So anyway even skinny females can have cellulite and that turned me on as well. Again even males can have cellulite. I have seen cellulite in real life and in digital porn.  Ah keeping my theory in mind about females being based off males. Now I feel disgusted again. So when I watch porn I feel disgusted afterwards thinking of my theory and this is how most humans operate or it’s human nature to most humans to be attracted to a human that is based off of you females being based off males yuck. In other words again the female body is just the male body modified yuck and again this theory shows females are not special yet we are all human at the same time. Females have the same ass same mouth same tongue same whatever as us males and I used to think dirty seeing a female stick their tongue out now I’m like yuck. I look at my own soles of feet for instance and think of the theory and I am disgusted and I recently today licked my own feet and hands saying to myself this is the same body part as females and again why are feet so attractive to some people. Hands are similar to feet. Are hands attractive? Male wrinkled soles of course are the same as females.This theory or being turned on by females is weird in a good way but gross bad weird at the same time. I used to get turned on by a female high voice but again the theory the female body is the male body modified. Also any human can be moody and females and males can have mood swings not just females. By the way I don’t believe in this theory because of religion or spiritual stuff obviously. So It’s like females are like the male version of you with long hair modified body. A female I know for instance a pornstar named lusty pink you can tell right away she looks like a male with long hair and shaved face whatever. Same with my real friend Ashley bernard she looks like a male with long hair and shaved face as well. So again simply that is my theory. Also there are people that look a like out there which is weird in a good way.  Some straight males look feminine because they shave their face. Shaving your face or having a fully shaved face is feminine or looks feminine. Sometimes when I see a straight male with long hair or a ponytail or bun I thought they were female. Again maybe my other theory males are based off females is correct but again we will never know for sure which theory is correct. I wish I had long hair like my real fried frank from the ymca or nelson my real friend even though it looks feminine but it looks cool at the same time. I have free will to impress people but who cares what people think especially fake people. You can’t impress everybody or please everybody obviously. Everybody isn’t your real friend again or everybody isn’t going to like you that’s free will again and I accept that and I always remember and accept the life fact aka everything’s always been old school again as well. Be your real self again be original not fake and you can be influenced or inspired by something positive or negative but still be your real self. Be unique or weird in a good way I care to say but it’s your free will again. Fake people will judge you for whatever like fake people will judge me for having autism or only being in rep classes and taking speech therapy. Again if I knew the life fact when I was younger my life would be different or better like me being in regular classes or honor classes to get into Princeton. Fake people take advantage of people with autism or Down syndrome. If you are not high functioning then you can be taken advantage of like taking money or worse being molested or raped or being raped by a pedophile. I am sure of course whether I was neurotypical or autistic I was was around pedophiles or evil and fake people without realizing it. Thankfully I never got raped. Sorry to those who have. Again I am very high functioning or smart thankfully so real people like me won’t be taken advantage of so easily. Low functioning people don’t know how to give consent obviously. Obviously Low functioning people young or old can’t help wasting their life away and it doesn’t bother me now because again what do you expect because everything’s always been old school. Do I necessarily need home care staff people or help with chores? No I am capable very high functioning with autism but I am lazy sometimes. Again free will some people high functioning or neurotypical are lazy or don’t like doing chores. Most people dislike chores in home life and so do I of course. Some people are not great at doing chores but I know I am but again I can be lazy. Again if I knew everything’s always been old school when I was younger I would have not gotten distracted by digital stuff and done my chores. Again anything can be distracting or addicting like analog stuff. Again life is unfair or difficult and this shows how life is difficult or unfair as well I can go on and on and it’s common sense and being born with down syndrome or autism or adhd or physical disabilities paralyzed sera palsy or vision issues like nearsightedness pr cancer or anything negative is difficult or unfair. Also by the way analog stuff like tv screens can cause dry eyes not just digital stuff. Nearsightedness or farsightedness can happen to any age and vision is genetic so it’s not just analog or digital stuff worsening kids vision and analog stuff again can be addicting and can keep kids inside no sunshine.  Anyway Is life all bad? of course not but life is not all great obviously and because everything’s always been old school and life is difficult or unfair it makes you think or say life is awful or life is a bitch. Consent with anything like food. Again food is life but everybody has different preferences or is not always hungry or thirsty. So you can’t force people to drink or eat something if they don’t want it or dislike it. It’s really simple but agin you have free will to be evil and not care about consent. I feel it’s too little too late even though I am young not super young like 18 when I am near 30 years old. Again I would have done so much in my life by now if I knew everything’s always been old school like being a parent of adopted kids by now at like in my early 20’s. I see myself being a parent of adopted kids but my free will again to do nothing with my life. I can see myself doing x y z free will to do the right or wrong thing free will to live a productive life or not. A productive life like working in the corrupt system or simply keeping busy somehow whatever people wanna do it’s your free will again. Live and let live is same as free will of the people. I am not special out of 8 billion humans on earth. 8 billion again is mind boggling and the more humans pro create the more the population grows and I think about humans living in parts of the planet were there are natural disasters like earthquakes or tornadoes etc and wish they could live somewhere where there is no natural disasters. Obviously if you live near as shore tsunamis or hurricanes can happen like living in New Jersey. Again life is unfair or difficult. Again real people come and go in life and recently more and more people have come and gone but I hope I get to see real people again but sometimes you don’t ever see them again whether it’s strangers or real friends or acquaintances. Before I knew the life fact everything’s always been old school I was afraid to pro create because I feared my kid would have autism like me or  worse not high functioning autism and I still have that fear now but again that’s not why I won’t pro create you already know why. Raising adopted kids or having kids is a big responsibility of course and parenting is difficult. Parenting while you are in school or college whether you are a kid teen or adult is difficult. life is difficult or unfair again. I will try to raise my adopted kids to keep their real friends so they don’t come and go. I made that mistake again not knowing everything’s always been old school and got distracted by digital stuff and didn’t have a social life. Again you can even get distracted by analog stuff or anything addicting. I want my adopted kids to know how to pick real friends and it’s their free will again if they want to have real friends or how many real friends they want or the lose touch with real friends. I will again raise my adopted kids with physical discipline and they will be embarrassed if they get disciplined in front of real friends or people. I got embarrassed in public or wherever. I won’t stop my kids from doing bestiality. I will give them a pet and I won’t be a hypocrite telling them not to do what I did which was sort of like bestiality.

So anyway who am I out of 8 billion humans? Who are you out of 8 billion humans? I know I am not the only one to ask this simple question. I think about the meaning of life again. I feel like I am a waste of space. Also who am I as a person of color and having autism 2 whammys. So before I knew the life fact aka everything’s always been old school I used to think I was special being born in 1995 and any year after 1995 was great and now that I know the life fact I am like come on seriously I say to my younger self. My younger self had no idea. I say great going to my younger self sarcastically of course for not knowing the life fact. I was selfish and I only cared about myself obviously I wasn’t the only human born in 1995 or it’s not all about me. Again years are old school. I seeked positive or negative attention by caring about mental health when I was a kid teen or young adult 18 19. I dropped out of college not just because I was distracted by digital stuff but again analog stuff can be distracting or addicting of course, but I dropped out because I cared about mental health saying I was depressed crap but again I don’t have mental health issues I pretended to have mental health issue. I have only had autism and have had autism my whole life and autism is a life long disorder obviously.  Anybody can pretend to have mental health issues like people pretending to have mental health issues so that they can get into a psych hospital because they have no where else to live or sleep nothing to eat.  I liked having attention and that was selfish I thought it was all about me and again I thought I was special being born in 1995. Again I look back on my life and I really blew it not knowing the life fact everything’s always been old school and again not knowing the life fact everything’s always been old school has bitten me in the ass. So real and fake people again can take it out on other people seek negative attention but that doesn’t always mean you are fake. So in real life or analog style you can take it out on other people or ban or dismiss block people obviously before digital existed. You can still do whatever before digital existed I can go on and on. The corrupt system is corrupt because people are miserable with their life because of their crappy job working long hours or late night hours and of course that would make people take it out on others. Working long hours or late night jobs that are physically demanding is difficult or unfair. Some people dislike working at a physically demanding job but sometimes people have no choice. Or jobs that are stressful or not physically demanding like being an anestiseaoligist like my dad or a brain surgeon or police officer or etc. It’s all about the money in the corrupt system oh well. By the way being a police officer involves politics of course and they enforce the law and also help people and protect and serve people. That’s why obviously they are called the police like policy like politics. So again because of free will of the people some police officers don’t care to help people or care about other roles or duties and are fake and abuse their power and are fake or mean. Of course nobody is above the law including police officers obviously. I have dealt with some police officers like this sadly oh well. Anyway again there is a lot to think about or say about life or my life again either way if I said all that I have been saying or typing in a video it would be over an hour long it would take forever in an analog video. It’s easier to speak in a video than writing or texting whether analog or digitally. That way you don’t lose context but I am great with simple words and I try to not lose context when I write or type. Again I wish I didnt have to use digital stuff at all in the 1st place. Of course It makes me unhappy feeling forced in a digital world using digital stuff to spread my important message about the life fact everything’s always been old school and Alan turing. But I am real again of course and I mean what I say of course and I look away from online videos or digital or computer stuff like I mentioned in my everything’s always been old school videos. I explain why people look away from anything like online videos while in the middle of the video playing or whenever. So I of course practice what I preach I am not a hypocrite. So even though I dislike going back to using digital stuff when I was avoiding using digital stuff for some time in 2022 ever since I knew the life fact and threw all my digital stuff away in 2022. So even though I dislike using digital stuff at least I am looking away from it like I look away while I am actually playing a video game. Of course again entertainment or media or videos have been computerized. Live videos have been computerized and livestreamers even look away while they are playing video games etc. I have broken digital stuff and thrown away digital stuff in the past before I knew everything’s always been old school. Again perhaps the life fact is subconscious. I was angry and used curse words or vulgar words. When you get angry sometimes it slips out. Also why I posted the everything’s always been old school videos until December 16, 2022 when I recorded them originally on November 30th, 2022 is because I was yet again put in a psych hospital in nj by fake people for 2 weeks. Don’t worry fake people because again I will sue you I don’t have mental health issues again but you don’t listen. All the crap you have put me through including my fake mom again wanting me in psych hospitals and put on psych med crap and I went through hell so much that I again I mentioned before I escaped the psych hospital and in the process climbing the fence I cut my hand and ripped my shirt. The 3 medical professionals that I mentioned before in previous posts understand what I have been saying that everything’s always been old school and they are real people not fake people taking advantage of me and said I don’t have mental health issues. These fake people won’t listen to me when I say everythng’s always been old school and when I say I used to care about health not anymore just all that I have been saying to everybody. If I am not able to get a lawyer on my own aclu can help me out thanks to real people for referring me to aclu. Also I will sue my fake mom for not paying for the hostel when I had enough money the whole time while I was in dc. Again my mom is my payee for my ssi for my autism no mental health issues. This payee issue will be fixed. This payee issue is nightmare and so is the guardianship. I gotta fix both issues aclu can help me. I got the payee crap before the guardianship crap in 2022. Then I got guardianship. Anyway I feel why I didn’t simply think of the life fact when I was younger a kid or younger adult is because I didn’t want to think or accept the way life is or how life works and life fact everything’s always been old school is difficult especially for my younger self or other people kids or adult to accept again. Analog engineers who are gifted so smart that they can invent something without going to school is impressive or cool. I am not sure I am that smart to invent analog things without going to school. Analog stuff like analog cell phones have less hiccups or errors glitches than digital stuff. Again nothing is perfect but again phones are a need but they don’t need to be digital or computerized but that is my free will how I think. So much is computerized like wireless signals or radiation being computerized. I will admit another positive of this digital world thanks to Alan turing or whoever in world war 2 is everything is at your finger tips. But could be negative because minors can have access to anything that is inappropriate like porn or the dark web or pedophilles and you don’t have to show your id like you do in real life analog style. Even minors or kids can lie about their age in real life or digitally. Some people look their age and some don’t and that’s aging well like me that’s a good thing. I wish I wasn’t 25 or 26 or 27 or 28 or near 30 so looking like I’m 19 is good to me. Of course accepting aging and death and everything’s always been old school is difficult or unfair again that’s life sadly. The older people get the older other people get obviously and it’s scary the flies again. So many people said when I was a kid or young adult that I look really young not my age. Again some minors look mature for their age females can look 18 or like an adult or males can have a beard at 16 17. Puberty is weird in a good way. Growing facial hair on you face is weird in a good way. So that’s why again age restrict or monitor what your kids are doing in real life or with analog or digital stuff but again your free will how you want to parent. Again that’s why I say phones don’t need to be digital or computers. Kids old enough to understand how to use an analog phone can have a analog phone.They say the internet is like a computerized library. Man computers are old school again and computerize or digitize almost everything when everything’s always been old school like old school things like a library. But again if I knew the life fact everything’s always been old school when I was a kid I obviously would also know or learn things from analog stuff or an analog library instead of learning things from digital stuff or digital videos. So I wish everything I know or learned from digital stuff I learn analog style.

Anyway Again nobody asked to be born especially being born into this everything’s always been old school world life.A lot of times people wish they wern’t born including myself. Pro creating is a tough decision for many people. Again You have to pro create to keep the human species alive and politicians want you too pro create obviously to keep the corrupt system alive as well and at the same time you are bringing kids in this difficult life cold world everything’s always been old school life. So it’s a tough decision. Again life is difficult or unfair no wonder people distract themselves with whatever sports or entertainment and don’t want to think about life and there is so much to think about life again good or bad. Again you can’t always be positive or you can’t always distract yourself and that’s being real keeping it real. I am real with myself and everybody obviously. Anyway so again people have free will to not pro create. Again I won’t pro create and this is exactly why I won’t pro create again. Some people pro create and don’t care to think about how the kid will feel in this everything’s always been old school cold world life. Some people are a mistake or an oops or a surprise. My baby sister or sis Lauren was a surprise. So most humans have sex because it feels good obviously or they want kids or want a family or want to pro create. But keeping my theory in mind again that females being based off males or the female body is just simply the male body modified. Females are not special so because of this theory you feel disgusted It doesn’t feel great being attracted to females or masturbating to females or having sex with females. But sex or masturbating does feel great in the moment. But because of this theory is it still worth it? I still watch porn and I feel disgusted thinking of the theory. But it still feels great I love the feeling of masturbating and I still again regret caring to pro create or caring for having sex with females or any human I regret caring to be a stud or regret masturbating to humans before I knew everything’s always been old school. Sex isn’t everything again and since everything’s always been old school I don’t care for sex it’s not the end all be all again just like digital or computer stuff. I feel embarrassed I tried to impress females or people with digital or computer stuff thinking I was the next Alan turing a computer engineer but of course didn’t know everything’s always been old school or Alan turing back then. Again digital or computers are cool but it’s not the end all be all especially since again it’s old school same algorithm or digital tech since world war 2. Again who cares what society says. Society says for instance you have to get a job in the corrupt system. You don’t have to work in the corrupt system and you don’t have to lets say speak a certain language you could make up your own language or words you don’t have to care or use everything or every man made thing like math if you care to because again free will of the people. Some say math is not man made which is interesting but anyway you can say whatever you want again free will it can be good weird or bad weird or good or bad again and I like to kill or punch more fake and evil people beat them to a pulp like swatter whatever your names are Brandon wilson and murderer lewis daynes. I am calling out idiots or fake and evil people again even kids or minors who swat or kill I will punch kick or kill them but bullying can cause this. Simply people who kill intentionally People who bully don’t deserve to die unless they are murderers. Adults can bully too of course just like racism and racism is a form of bullying obviously for instance and again racist people say people of color look like poop and asians eyes look weird. Racist people or Fake People think you’re better than me  just because you have different skin tone is idiotic. Yes again we are all different but we are all human at the same time. So again because of free will everybody has different perspectives whether it’s good or bad so understanding people’s differences or perspectives or good weirdness or bad weirdness. My grandma on my dad’s side who passed away said in a digital video recording by my dad and again if only I told real people like my grandma before they died about everything’s always been old school life fact and Alan turing but of course I didn’t tell them and I say great going to my younger self, oh well. Too little too late and it bothers me. Again who knows what the after life is like and it’s scary to everybody well to most people maybe you aren’t but everybody is scared of death I mean come on how are you human if you are not afraid of death or have no fear? So it’s scary to me too of course and I am not tough or cocky with ego fake people like some people are saying oh I’m not scared of death but hey that’s your free will to be that way. Although I am and will be a tough guy to stand up for people and stand up to bullies or fake people and evil people. So anyway the after life is a mystery and I will never ever be able to tell them the life fact and again controversial stuff religious or spiritual aside. So my grandma said racism can be taught or raised in kids and she was right. My grandma was smart and her free will to get her ged for high school yet she never went to college I believe but you can still be smart of course without going to school. So I am embarrassed I witnessed evil and negative things and yet like other people I turned around and still cared about positive things like digital or computers and over and over again myself and other people kept expecting being positive or being real or expecting positive things to change the world for the better and stop evil and negative things forever when it never has and never will. How did I and other people expect positive things like a movie or digital or computer stuff like toy story to stop evil and negative things change the world for the better. I was again was an idiot just like other people. Also anybody can be dumb or naive or not understand how life works and not understand the life fact everything’s always been old school but I am sure people everybody will understand especially by now. But if you have autism like me you can not understand the cold world or how life works or not understand everything’s always been old school. Even though I am very high functioning high functioning people can still be idiots I am still an idiot everybody is an idiot again or humans make mistake again and again that is being real and imperfect.  These pieces of human garbage people such as Brandon Wilson and lewis Haynes seem to be my age born in 1995.  These idiots fake people are cowards and think they are tough just because they are anonymous behind a digital screen. Again not surprising anybody can be pieces of human garbage or fake obviously including female or a female kid or adult.  Again Keeping my theory in mind again and females are not special again. Even a fan of toy story buzz lightyear or rayman etc can be fake and evil obviously. Of course this is also a problem with pro creating is that you can potentially pro create a pice of human garbage and I wish evil people never were born of course but fake people I wish were real people but not possible of course free will again and everything’s always been old school what do you expect again. If fake people die I won’t feel sad for them but if only they were real. Of course won’t feel sorry for evil pieces of human garbage who are dead. Evil and fake people don’t care that they ruin ives and kill people young or old. They don’t care to let young people live their life and they cut their life short. These pieces of human garbage got a chance to live life into adulthood and they are selfish and kill young people and they don’t get a chance to get into adulthood. People making threats saying threatening things will get you in prison jail. See people have free will it’s good and bad again. Fake People who take advantage of people or kidnap or abuse hold somebody hostage captive in their home don’t deserve to die unless again you are a murderer and do deserve to be in prison jail for a long time. If you are distracted drive by analog stuff or digital stuff and kill somebody intentionally knowing it’s wrong like drunk driving or looking at analog or digital stuff you deserve to die or go to prison for a long time. But if it’s by mistake you do deserve fines or tickets or some kind of punishment maybe not prison. Of course before knowing everything’s always been old school life fact I cared about digital stuff or got caught up in digital stuff and got distracted while driving and didn’t kill anybody thankfully but did get into a hit and run hitting a persons car never hurt anybody while driving thankfully. But for less serious stuff like weed or drug charges obviously that doesn’t mean you are a fake person and evil. Perhaps fines are deserved for drugs and not prison jail time unless it’s multiple offenses but you don’t deserve to be in jail for a long time. But hey I am not a politician or judge but maybe I will be a politician or judge no just kidding it is not a masculine or tough physically demanding job and it involves controversial stuff like politics of course. Of course Politics even involve religion or spirituality saying god bless america. Weird things people do good weird or bad weird  and weird things in life good weird or bad weird like I always wondered why Kansas City is in Missouri? It’s a good weird but I don’t know why I care about kansas city in Missouri but that’s my free will I am sure I am not alone wondering that or anything else that is mysterious or weird good or bad in life. I don’t understand that for the life of me but I still love the usa again and again not a perfect country.

I appreciate down to earth or real people like me of course and I like talking about my real life story being real. I do have my whole life ahead of me I am young but I have free will to waste my youth or waste my teens and late teens waste my early 20s. Again Life is unfair or difficult some people don’t  make it to a certain age. Not all young people make it to let’s say 18 etc. Even though the life fact that everything’s always been old school and life is difficult unfair I am again still grateful care to be grateful that for instance I made it to a certain age. There are so many ways to say things or free will of choice of words. So do what makes you happy live you life how you want to or need to whether it’s positive or negative and that is your free will again and simply understanding peoples differences or perspectives. You totally can get peoples perspectives but sometimes you can’t but hey again we all think different or free will to think how you want to again. Evil and negative things have been around forever or it’s old school and has existed before digital stuff of course and no surprising fake people and evil people kid or adult use digital stuff to do evil or negative things like trolling or swatting because everything’s always been old school life fact and again if Alan turing were alive he would know the life fact and understand why this negativity happens. I got caught up in digital stuff when I was a kid and not knowing the life fact aka everyhing’s always been old school and not knowing Alan turing. My parents or adults or people gave me digital stuff like my grandpa aka poppy and they didn’t know the life fact everything’s always been old school or Alan turing of course oh well so as a kid I was raised with digital stuff and they wanted me to get into the digital field which now I dislike of course. Kids in the 1970’s grew up with digital stuff like video games and of course digital stuff has been around since world war 2. Digital stuff became popular at a certain point I think in the 1970’s. Again of course I don’t care who invented digital stuff in ww2 all I care about or know is digital or modern computers was invented in world war 2. People who already knew Alan turing before I did as a kid the people who knew Alan turing still didn’t realize everything’s always been old school and of course I was just like those people when I 1st found the maryville school website when I was 26 and again I found out the life fact the difficult way. I overlooked Alan turing at first and digital tech being old school and then I realized eventually everything’s always been old school. I wish I could smack my younger self my idiot self and make myself wake up and realize everything’s always been old school. I smack my younger self for caring about health or mental health not knowing everything’s always been old school and not realizing that’s why people have free will so I wouldn’t care for health or mental health again and again you can’t force people when people have free will so I am like why should I care about health or mental health. I am thinking of taking steroids but they are illegal but since I don’t care for health I could see myself taking steroids. So I don’t care to be muscular in a health way. Again I care to be strong but I could take steroids and care to be muscular in an unhealthy way. People who have mental health issues are not being weird in a good way because of their mental health issue it’s because it’s not always about mental health again obviously again. All humans do weird things in a good or bad way again. It’s not always about x y z. this or that I can go on and on. They say things happen for a reason in life which I don’t always think that is the case. I wasn’t meant to know this life fact everything’s always been old school near 30 years old and waste time and life away getting caught up in digital stuff. Since I have autism or very high functioning autism it can be easy for people with autism or anybody neurotypicals to get caught up in anything analog or digital stuff and depend on it be attached to it. I feel dumb getting caught up in digital stuff not knowing the life fact. Well this is all I have to say for now. Thanks again for caring to read this and you made it this far. This took me days to type and I have more great points or important things to type. Again I think of so much to say about life and my life I gotta take a break. This has to be enough for now. Alright hope all is well in your life but again I don’t expect much because everything’s always been old school.