#but it works for incorrect quotes on occasion | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

qutiesquish · 1 year

Text

“Cliché”

Headcannons᯽ Incorrect Quotes᯽

Authors Words: I love this man sm and I tried to do something for him, please don’t judge me I can’t write HCs

Word Count: 1687

Character(s): Xavier Thorpe

Pronouns: none used(masc coded)

Warning(s): both the reader and Xavier fall under the multisexual umbrella, not only is this “friends to rivals to lovers” trope but it’s also an “idiots in love but in denial” trope(yw), not proof read

⚰︎ You and Xavier were once best friends, you mainly got along due to you both being able to manipulate stuff, him drawings and you Shadows

⚰︎ However you both winded up falling for the Wednesday Addams, and you both being best friends quite easily caught onto the others feelings for the alternative girl

⚰︎ Though neither of you physically or verbally fought over her, you both definitely had some kind of mental arguments and created tense atmospheres whenever the two over you were around the other to the point it could be cut with a guillotine

⚰︎ What neither of you seemed to notice however was that you both definitely started to catch feeling for each other after being ditched by Wednesday(for Tyler) on more than one occasion, together

⚰︎ Specifically on Outreach day at Weathervane where you both were (unfortunately) to work together for the whole day and practically get rejected by your shared love interest at the same time

Picking up dirty mugs off one of the boothed tables and wiping it down you had caught the voice of your EX best friend.

Eyeing a glance to see what he was doing you found him in the middle of a conversation with Wednesday. That would simply not slide with you. So taking your wet rag and leaning next to your old friend you join in.

“Oh yeah? You want-“

“Oh hey Wednesday.” You said, quickly cutting Xavier off. “You want a Kaffee or something?”

You caught a glance of Xavier side eyeing you but you just brushed him off and kept smiling. However Xavier decided to add to your comment with his own. Seemingly dragging himself back into the conversation you tried to overtake.

“It’s one of the many perks of this wonderful assignment.” He said, to which you nodded in agreement. Sure you didn’t want him to be a part of this conversation but he definitely was right. The best part of this assignment was the free coffee.

“I’m actually here for Tyler.” Wednesday said to which you crossed your arms and scoffed at.

“I told you he was bad news.” Xavier replied verbally.

“Twice, from both of you.” She said flatly. “But who I speak to is my business.” She continued before ringing the bell.

Your face scrunched at the annoying ding but brushed it off as Tyler came out from the back.

“You rang?” Tyler said.

Wednesday looked at you and Xavier as if asking you both to leave them. Both you and the brunette scoffed before you grabbed Xavier’s forearm.

“Come on Xav.” You said as you dragged him away in the other direction.

Xavier pulled his arm out of your grasp and looked at you in disbelief. “Xav?” You couldn’t tell if he was offended, hurt or something else. “Really?”

“What?” You replied, questioning him before you paused, finally processing what you did.

“Whatever. Get back to work, Thorpe.” You turned on your heel and went back to wiping tables, now feeling some kind of pit in your stomach for the rest of the day.

⚰︎ After that things pretty much stayed as they were

⚰︎ You did get pretty jealous when Wednesday asked Xavier to the Rave’N dance, but for some reason you couldn’t exactly tell who you were jealous of and just winded up avoiding anything to do with the Rave’N dance altogether

⚰︎ Only after the Rave’N dance did you find out that Xavier and Wednesday didn’t go together and you felt relief flood throughout you

⚰︎ However after that you did start skipping any and all classes you had with Xavier and Wednesday, because you felt that put in your stomach from your Weathervane assignment all over again

⚰︎ You only ever showed up to class for any possible tests and to pick up class work you missed, other then that you isolated yourself in your dorm and gave the silent treatment to your vampire roommate if they ever tried to ask about what was happening with you

⚰︎ Quite literally, you disappeared into the shadows of your guys dorm room until they stopped questioning you or they left

⚰︎ That continued all the way until Xavier was arrested for supposedly being the monster(that you managed to find out is called a Hyde due to your roommate)

⚰︎ Though due to you knowing Xavier for as long as you have and how you were both practically attached to the hip before the whole Wednesday thing, you knew damn well you would’ve been dragged into the whole thing way before Wednesday even showed up, therefore automatically telling you Xavier was innocent

⚰︎ However you were confident that Xavier was not the Hyde monster, you couldn’t help but feel slightly betrayed due to you anxiety and insecurities eating you up and telling you that you’re only saying he’s innocent cause he’s your best friend

You laid on your back facing the roof, headphones over your beanie blasting music as your head swarmed with thoughts.

Was Xavier really the Hyde?

Was it because of Wednesday? Is that why he didn’t tell you? No, the monster had been around before her and the whole Wednesday crush thing.

Could he have just not trusted you with his secret?

Were you not trustworthy?

You wouldn’t have told on him, he was your best friend. So why wouldn’t he have trusted you?

Were you a bad friend?

⚰︎ After sitting like that for an hour or so you told yourself to “man up” and decided to go and find out if you or your anxieties were right, which was pretty easy for you to sneak out of a Nevermore and into the police station due to you being able to manipulate shadows

⚰︎ You remember the whole night as if it was yesterday

⚰︎ You remember sitting next to his cell and asking him questions that he answered

⚰︎ And him and you both sitting on opposite sides of his cell back to back holding hands as you both cried and apologized to one another

⚰︎ You remember all of it

⚰︎ You also very much remember him pulling your hand through the bars and kissing up your arm as far as he could while saying “sorry” before you had to disappear into the shadows before one of the deputies walked in

⚰︎ You also remember after the whole crackstone thing where you had thanked Wednesday for taking an arrow for Xavier because “he’s an idiot”

⚰︎ And how she immediately went to asking if you and Xavier were a thing

⚰︎ You and Xavier were practically dating after the whole night in the police department and didn’t even realize until then

⚰︎ (That was just something you both laughed about after though, alongside both of your guy’s old crushes on Wednesday)

⚰︎ After you guys came to terms that you both liked one another everything had practically gone back to they way it was before, just you guys being more than friends this time

⚰︎ Though one thing didn’t change however

⚰︎ And that was your guys rivalry

⚰︎ Everything was a competition and or a fight now

⚰︎Examples:

➣

You, in a whiny voice: “Xav I’m tireddd.”

Xavier, in a mocking voice: “Xav I’m tired.”

➢

Xavier would always answer (basically) all your questions and requests with a “no” before actually answering/fulfilling your request(s).

You: “Hug me.”

Xavier: “clingy much?”

Xavier: *hugs you anyways*

➣

You’ll both wind up fighting over who can eat faster anywhere at anytime. You could be having dinner with both your families and friends and still wind up scarfing down all your food to beat the other.

Xavier: *eating quickly so he can go draw*

You: *eats just as fast so you can listen to music*

Both: *Glaring across the table as you both scarf down food trying to clear your plate before the other*

➢

Xavier: “I can’t believe we fell in love. We literally became the Rivals to Lovers trope irl.”

You, smirking: “Who doesn’t live a good cliche?”

➣

Xavier: “Hey, you want some leftovers?”

You: “What's that?”

Xavier: “You've never had leftovers???”

You: “No, because I'm not a quitter.”

Xavier: “… that’s a fucking lie.”

You: “Fuck off and die.”

Xavier: “Bet.”

You: “Wait no-“

Xavier, Smirking:

You: “I hate you.”

Xavier: “Good.”

➢

You: “I live to spite you.”

Xavier: “Then why are we married?”

You: “To ruin your life, duh.”

➣

Xavier gets up an hour earlier just so he can say he brushed his teeth first.

Now you both go to bed at eight and wake up around 3:40 just to beat the other.

➢

You: “I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you.”

Xavier: “10 times 0 is still 0 though.”

You: “Jokes on you, I can't do math.”

Xavier:

➣

You: “Three words. Say them and I‘ll buy dinner.”

Xavier: “Three words.”

You:

➢

Xavier: “Okay, help me with this drawing… please.”

You: “Got two words for you.”

Xavier: “I bet they won't be helpful.”

You, with a close eyed smile: “Your problem.”

Xavier: “I was right.”

➣

He also does his best to remember dates just so he can pull shit like this:

You: “Can you please be serious for five minutes?”

Xavier: “My record is four, but I think I can do it.”

You: “Why am I dating you?”

Xavier, smiling: “Because you said “I love you” first.”

You:

You: “Did I?”

Xavier:

Xavier: “March 2nd at—“

You: “jeez okay fine just shut up.”

Xavier, smirking:

You: “I hate you.”

Xavier: “Keep telling yourself that.”

➢

He would probably give you his left kidney with absolutely zero questions but won’t give you his phone charger even if his phone is at like 70%

➣

Trivial matters trip both of you up and you both being stubborn, wind up arguing over said matters.

You: “who’s turn is it to do the dishes?”

Xavier:

Xavier:: “ I think it’s yours.”

You: “But I did them yesterday.”

Xavier: “No you most definitely did not.”

You: “Did too!”

Xavier: “Did not!—“

And it continues.

#x reader #wednesday x reader #xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe x reader #x gn reader #x male reader #wednesday tv show #gn!reader #xavier thorpe x y/n #xavier thorpe x you #xavier thorpe x male reader #xavier thorpe x m!reader #wednesday netflix #xavier thorpe x gn!reader

1K notes · View notes

lucysarah-c · 1 year

Text

Tea time

Paring: Levi x reader

Words: 1764

Warnings: none, there is some subtle sexual mentions but not much.

Summary: Levi is deep down a huge gossip old lady.

Inspired by this "snk incorrect quote" of mine that plenty of you liked a lot!

“My friend Sarah, she’s having some arrangements done at her house and can’t host. I was wondering if you would mind it if we hang out at the office.” Your voice pierced the room like a cannonball. Levi had known that something was off since you came back from the capital, you were suspiciously quiet. Not the kind of silence that you two shared in the privacy of the office. He had been cleaning the shelf, giving you his back. When he turned around you were shyly smiling.

“I’ve not said anything to them yet, wanted to check on you first,”

Levi thought that it was both, his and yours, office and therefore you had as much right to hang out with your friends there as he to say that he wouldn’t like it. He was, somehow, touched that you inquired first. You knew, by heart, that Levi wasn't a social person by nature and that he cherished his “me time” deeply. Especially Sundays that were his only day off.

However, he also understood that Sarah and you were the only two members of your friends group who had private chambers. Neglecting your hang out would mean that you wouldn’t see your friends if Sarah couldn’t host, and Levi valued that you spend time with your own group, he valued your independence.

On the other hand, Levi had to hold back an unpleasant grim thinking of the group of 10 women hanging out at his place on Sundays. Of course it wouldn’t be all day long, only the tea time but … it was tea time, Levi adored having one day to relax, not wear the uniform, maybe not wearing clothes at all, reading and drinking tea.

But how could he say no to those doe eyes of yours looking at him? begging him to allow it. You knew Sundays were his days and if you could have come up with another option, you would have done it.

Then.. “Yeah, why not.”

He almost forgot it. He was an extremely busy man with an extremely busy week. But when he woke up early on Sunday, with the intention to just put some random shirt on and stay in sweatpants all day, he noticed that you got up early too. Something unusual.

“Will you help me to move the couch so we all fit before I get in the shower?”

‘Ah… right… I agreed to this’ Levi thought as the penny dropped, your friends were coming over. That already disturbed his mood, but he didn’t want to let you know. He had to remind himself that this was all part of the sacrifices that you make during convenience.

Quickly he realised that he had been mixing your friends since forever, and suddenly he discovered that Mary and Anne weren’t the same person he had in his mind. All the opposite, the deep brunette girl was actually called Carol. Each of them were eager to give him a kiss on the cheek and a tight hug as a greeting, as if they had known each other for years. Levi had to gather all his acting skills, which weren’t actually good, to pretend he remembered each girl as much as they seemed to know him.

‘Not my fault!’ he would scream inside his head ‘The only closed group of people that I tolerate work and live in the scouts. Plus, they are also YN’s friends,’

You knew them from training days and they chose other military divisions, some of them from the medical field, etc. Everybody knew who was the social person of the relationship and, without intentions to point fingers out, Levi wasn’t the one.

At first, he decided to go and bother Erwin for a little while. But Erwin also took the upper hand of his, sometimes, free Sundays to go and meet up with ex comrades from his trainee days. Mike would have gone out with Nanaba. Meeting with Hange would probably mean Levi working his ass off to clean their place. Which Levi was eager to do on other occasions but the last thing he wanted to do on a Sunday was more work, even if that implied cleaning.

When he returned to his chambers, they all had left and you were already putting things back in their place. You greeted him with a sweet smile.

“Hey”

“Hey” He greeted back less enthusiastically.

Your arms wrapped around his neck as your lips softly landed a peak on his lips.

“Thank you for allowing this, I had a great time,”

Oh your smile, your loving eyes made him weak. How could he say no to the next Sunday?

The table was crowded with packages.

“Do I throw those?”

“No! They are gifts and what was left behind,”

Pastries, pastries everywhere. Great quality tea leaves that her friends from the capital had brought. Croissants, fresh made bread, sandwiches, scons, cookies. Levi was already starting to see the upperhand of all this.

However, it wasn’t until the next upcoming Sunday. This time he decided to close himself up in the attached room and read there. He only went out once to greet everybody and pour himself the tea that the girls were having. He heard everything, every little detail. Suddenly his book wasn’t that interesting.

“Do you remember Jonny? We met last Wednesday and can you believe it, he couldn’t get it up.”

“Let me guess, he said the usual “it's the first time that this happens!””

Laughters filling the room.

“Well I heard that Roger and Isabel made up again and they are not divorcing. He literally begged her on his knees,”

“Well, Edward is in this huge debt because of gambling and they took his house away. The poor Abi doesn’t know what they would do with the kids but she took them with her back to her mother’s house. But technically the government can take them away because he has de custody,”

“Guess who is pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is?”

“Robert is cheating on his wife with the kindergarten teacher of his kids,”

Then again, they left and Levi loomed up from the bedroom. Table full of Tea leaves for him to enjoy and pastries.

“Sorry, did we bother you that much?” You softly question back.

“Tolerable,”

He felt almost ashamed of how much he waited for Sundays now, ALMOST. But it was hilarious to go to the capital with Erwin for meetings with the military board and the only thing his mind could replay in loop was. “That one is getting cheated on, that one is cheating, that one couldn’t find the only place a man needs to find in bed, that one couldn’t perform. This one has a child with another woman, this one’s marriage was a cover for having relationships not allowed by the church, that one has gambling problems, that one is a mommy boy, that one is about to lose his job if his wife ask for a divorce so he’s begging on his knees,”

And if any of them decided to get cocky, it was a matter of Levi slyly implying what he knew something just for the colours of their face to drop and the panic taking over. He suddenly knew everything about everybody and he found out about it while drinking high quality tea and eating scons? Why were men's hangs outs not this fun? It was like reading a book, women knew everything and with heavy details.

“Do you remember John?” Erwin questioned as they waited for the next meeting to come, “John the blonde dude from Nile’s squad?” Erwin clarified, used to Levi don’t remembering a single person “He’s been acting odd,”

“Yeah, that asshole has been sleeping with Grace from the bar that's at the intersection of the streets "the king's pride and Saint Michel" at the third district of Stohess. She works there from 8am to 3pm as a waitress and apparently they saw her talking to his wife, because some nurses from the orthodox church of Mitras said that she went with a 3 weeks old pregnancy. Now Nile is asking him to solve the issue because he's damaging the image of the team. His wife has papers and prof for divorce but that's a big fucking no no for the MPs.”

Levi's sudden rambling got Erwin looking back at him in shock and confusion. The captain got a momentary feeling of embarrassment as he realised how out of character he had been.

“Y/N’s friends have tea at my office on Sundays,”

Erwin couldn’t help but chuckle, “Yeah, that explains a lot,”

Then, out of nowhere one Sunday he woke up and you were quietly laying on the couch, not rushing to get ready or organise the office so all could fit.

“Do you need the bathroom free?” Levi inquired to either rush a quick shower or wait for later on in the day.

“No, it’s alright, I’ve time to leave until four,” you quietly replied.

He frowned in confusion and you looked up “Sarah’s house is ready, I’ll take the ferry to there at four.”

His acting skills came up in the game again as he tried to hide the sudden disappointment. Goodbye to the free tea, goodbye to the pastries.

He was in no position to lie, he enjoyed reading next to the chimney of his office. Only the cracking of the fire, the pages turning and his sipping sounds filled up the death silence. It was nice… but, voluntarily or not, he found himself brewing another kettle of tea right on time. He would also be lying if he said he hadn’t been checking the clock all day to make sure to be ready for your comeback.

Then, finally, you appeared through the door. Coat on as you took off the purse from your shoulder and scarf hanging on your neck. Locking eyes, as Levi was across the toasty room with a kettle between his hands as he was almost done.

“Hey” You greeted closing the door behind you.

“Hey” Levi replied less enthusiastically but there was a certain type of hang on that made you crock an eyebrow.

“How was it?” Levi wondered and you hummed a positive reply as you took the shoes off and let them at the door.

“I was about to have a cup…” the comment was done with doubts “I was wondering if you wanted one…”

A cheeky smile slowly rising in your features.

“You won’t believe what I heard today”

“Wait until I get the tea ready”

251 notes · View notes

mychoombatheroomba · 3 months

Text

Between the Bones Incorrect Quotes (Part 3)

If you're new here, welcome to the shitshow!

Sarge = You/Reader

Sarge: You look good in that hoodie. Leon: You know where else I'd look good? Sarge, zero hesitation: My bed. Leon, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Sarge: Look, last night was a mistake. Leon: A sexy mistake. Sarge: No, just a regular mistake.

Sarge: You’re an idiot. Leon: That’s the charm.

Williams: So anyways have y'all seen Sarge? Valeria : I think they went in Leon's room 'studying'. Alenko: Doubt that. I heard groans there. *Meanwhile in Leon's room* Sarge &; Leon, fighting:

Valeria , about Leon and Sarge: My god, would you two just get a room already? Sarge: Excuse me, Valeria ? Valeria : You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding? Leon: ... Alenko: I ship it! Williams: CAN YOU NOT?

Leon: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it. Sarge: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out. Leon: Th-that's not how that works-

Williams, about Sarge: Leon, they're an asshole! They have purposely stabbed you on more than one occasion! Leon: Some of those stabbings were accidental! Williams: Leon: Okay, well, I know for a fact the third time was accidental.

Sarge: Bro, I had a dream we fucked. Leon: Bro, relax it was just a dream. Sarge: Huh, gay, I wouldn’t fuck you. Leon: You wouldn’t? Sarge: I mean, unless you want to-

Sarge: Leon, you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right? Leon, naked in Sarge's bed: No, I absolutely do not. Sarge, already taking off their clothes: Fuck... Me neither.

Chapter Index

#leon kennedy x reader #between the bones

34 notes · View notes

fangirleaconmigo · 1 year

Note

maybe weird and mybe vague, but if you ever have the time and inclination, would you talk bout your opinion on Geralt and *religion*? I haven't read the books in a very long time, and i only am halfway though the series, but sometimes geralt says something (' for it is the **holy** and irrefutable right of every woman.') and i'm left thinking, because he doesn't seem to believe in much but at the same time he does?

Religion and Spirituality in The Witcher Books: What DOES Geralt of Rivia Believe In?

Hello my dear! Sometime you guys will send me an ask that just makes me go...HOW DID YOU KNOW I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THIS AND WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO RAMBLE ON ABOUT IT.

VERY MILD BOOK SPOILERS AHEAD

VERY LONG, EXTRA, GEEKY POST AHEAD

So. For those who missed it, this is in reference to my "abortion in the witcher books" post, where Geralt calls abortion a "holy and irrefutable" right, both words that imply either spirituality or at least moral beliefs that surpass reasoning and rationality.

Yet, we know that Geralt does not believe in the existence of 'the gods', (I'll pull the quotes for that and show evidence as we go) so why would he use such language? What DOES he believe in? Does he have a guiding spiritual system of beliefs?

A lot of people interpret Geralt's attempts at political neutrality as wishy washy or cynical or apathetic, and believe, as a result, that he does not have a particular driving moral system of beliefs. In fact!! On my abortion post there was a guy on twitter actually trying to fight with me, saying that it doesn't matter what Geralt thinks about abortion, because Geralt doesn't value human life. (lmaoooooooooooooooo)

I am here to say that this is incorrect all around. (to the conservative dudebro I told him that he was conflating 'has killed' with 'does not value life', two very different things.) Anywho. Geralt actually has an incredibly strong system of morals and ethics that are VERY clearly laid out in the books. We can even name that system of beliefs. It just gets complicated!

So, let's talk about that. First, let's lay out his beliefs.

Disclaimer: I'm working with English translations of the books, and as I get very precise about words, just please be aware of that limitation. Many times I wish I had a Polish friend who had copies of the book and wouldn't mind me (the dreaded Geraskier shipper and twn fan) pestering them every time I had a question about wording. If anyone doesn't mind being that friend for me, please let me know.

Now. Onward.

For those who did not read my abortion post, Panur is referring to the fact that In Sword of Destiny (p 345), when Geralt is discussing his mother with Calanthe, this is what he calls abortion:

“A choice. A choice which should be respected, for it is the holy and irrefutable right of every woman.”

There are two words that Geralt uses here, "holy" and 'irrefutable" and both imply something 'higher' than reason. Holy is religious in nature, while irrefutable is along the lines of "inalienable" which is the word Dandelion uses, when speaking about the right to abortion. In Baptism of Fire (p317), Dandelion refers to abortion like this:

It’s obvious that only the woman can make a decision like that. It’s her inalienable right.

Inalienable and irrefutable are words that describe inherent rights, which are not subject to rational debate.

Many would describe that as sacred or untouchable. So even though it is not as directly religious as the word 'holy', it implies a value that is higher than logic or rationality.

AND YET, we do know that Geralt does not believe in the gods. It is a point of discussion between him and Nenneke on multiple occasions. In The Last Wish (p37) Nenneke is worried about Geralt and is trying to convince him to let Iola, one of her priestesses, put him in a trance. He resists her idea. Here is what Nenneke says.

"Iola isn't a medium or a mentally ill soothsayer. That child enjoys the goddess's favor."

Geralt's face does something in reaction to this that indicates his disbelief, and Nenneke responds.

"Don't pull silly faces, if you please."

So whatever his face did, it wasn't good. She continues.

"As I said, your view on religion is known to me, it's never particularly bothered me, and no doubt, it won't bother me in the future. I'm not a fanatic. You've a right to believe that we're governed by Nature and the Force hidden within her. You can think that the gods, including my Melitele, are merely a personification of this power invented for simpletons so they understand it better, accept its existence. According to you, that power is blind."

So, Nenneke describes his belief system in regard to the gods as...they don't exist, at least not in the way people view them. There is magic and chaos and monstrous beings, sure. But there are no 'all powerful' gods enacting their will on the world, there is nothing so predictable or organized.

Those beliefs are repeated elsewhere in the books, but I won't pull every single quote. This one does the trick. Geralt believes that people invented the gods to explain the world around them.

We also know that he believes humans invent monsters in order to seem less monstrous themselves. He says this to Dandelion in The Last Wish (p167).

"People," Geralt turned his head, "like to invent monsters and monstrosities. Then they seem less monstrous themselves. When they get blind-drunk, cheat, steal, beat their wives, staar an old woman, when they kill a trapped fox with an axe or riddle the last existing unicorn with arrows, they like to think that the Bane entering cottages at daybreak is more monstrous than they are. They feel better then. They find it easier to live.

So. In Geralt's world view, human beings are the creators. They create gods. They create monsters. And when they blame the gods or monsters, it is a false powerlessness engineered to escape accountability. But Geralt holds people accountable anyway.

So, if Geralt does not believe in the gods, does that mean he believes in nothing? Does that mean he does not have a moral code?

Actually, it is the opposite.

If people are held accountable for their actions, when they have no gods or demons or monsters to blame, the standard for morality is much higher.

Geralt if often called self righteous for this stance. In The Last Wish, (p160) when Geralt is complaining about how hard it is to make a living as a witcher, Dandelion even tells him he should be a priest, saying the fact that he doesn't believe in gods shouldn't be any barrier.

"Whatever. Become a priest. You wouldn't be bad at it with all your scruples, your morality, your knowledge of people and everything. The fact that you don't believe in any gods shouldn't be a problem. I don't know many priests who do. Becomes a priest and stop feeling sorry for yourself."

But without spirituality, where does Geralt get his system of morals? How does Geralt decide what is right and what is wrong?

Well, once again, Geralt puts human beings (instead of gods) at the center, in the position of power and importance.

Let's start with the moral quandary Geralt faces most often. Which monsters are ethical to kill, and which are not ethical to kill?

Geralt has arguments many times throughout the books with people who want him to kill a monster that he does not want to kill,

AND conversely

he has arguments with people who judge him for killing monsters that they believe should be protected.

Those people are on the extremes. Some people see all monsters as inherently without worth. At best, they think they are subhuman and can be murdered for money making schemes or potions, or at worst, they think they should all be exterminated.

The other kind of person (mostly druids and academics) see them as part of mother nature, sacrosanct and untouchable, and accuse Geralt of being immoral for killing even one.

But for Geralt? It isn't so simple. There is no 'one size fits all'. He doesn't 'other' monsters like that. So he has to decided each and every time. And as a nonbeliever, Geralt does not have a holy book or god to consult with to tell him what is right. And yet? He always has an answer.

In reference to the monsters he does not want to kill, here are a few passages of Geralt explaining his reasoning. In The Last Wish, he tells Dandelion he won't kill mecopterans because:

I'm not going to kill mecopterans. Nor any other harmless creatures."

Then, in Sword of Destiny (p42) when when Yennefer and Dorregaray are arguing about dragons, Geralt speaks up. What he says explains why he doesn't kill them:

"Dragons aren't man's enemies," Geralt broke in.

Then later, Yennefer challenges him.

"...And what do you know, witcher?"

“Only," Geralt said, ignoring the sudden warning vibration of the medallion around his neck, "that if dragons didn’t have treasure hoards, not a soul would be interested in them; and certainly not sorcerers...

Later on in the book, Dandelion says that Geralt doesn't kill night spirits because they are "sweet". There are a lot of other examples, but basically, that is always the test. Did the monster harm a human?

Now, on the other extreme, there are people who think Geralt shouldn't harm any monsters. These are people who are big on theory and environmentalism, druids and academics. Here are two examples.

First, we have Dorregaray in Sword of Destiny (p40) he says that Witchers calling killing a vocation is "loathsome, low, and nonsensical". He says:

"The world...is in equilibrium. Natural equilibrium....The extermination of the natural enemies of humans, which you dedicate yourself to...threatens the degeneration of the race."

Geralt responds with his reasoning.

"Do you know what, sorcerer?" Geralt said, annoyed. "one day, take yourself to a mother whose child has been devoured by a basilisk, and tell her she ought to be glad, because thanks to that the human race has escaped degeneration. See what she says to you."

Basically, he's like...tell that to the people who are killed.

Then, in Blood of Elves, Geralt is talking to an academic called Linus Pitt. (it's actually a really funny story, I summarized it here) Geralt has been hired to defend the boat from a monster, and this academic has struck up a conversation with him. They are discussing sea creatures (aeschna) who have been pulling people from decks and eating them. This man offers a similar argument to Dorregaray.

"...It was wiped out a good half-century ago, due -- incidentally --to the activity of individuals such as yourself who are prepared to kill anything that does not instantly look right, without forethought, tests, observations or considering its ecological niche..."

Now, we as the reader know, witchers do consider ecological niches, because Vesemir teaches Ciri about them in the previous chapters in this same book. But for witchers, ecological niches ultimately do not outweigh human life. So after briefly considering just telling the man "where he could put the aeschna and its niche," Geralt responds, trying to appeal to the man's love of theory and scholarship and his college (Oxenfurt, natch)...

"Master Tutor," he said calmly, "one of those pulled form the deck was a young pregnant girl...Theoretically, her child could, one day, have become chancellor of your college. What do you have to say to such an approach to ecology?"

That doesn't work. Master Tutor Pitt is still snooty.

"Nature is governed by its own rules and although those rules are cruel and ruthless, they should not be amended...And nothing can justify the extermination of a species, even a predatory one. What do you say to that?"

So, Geralt reverts to his truth.

"I'd say it's dangerous to lean out like that. There might be an aeschna in the vicinity. Do you want to try out the aeschna's struggle for survival on your own skin?"

Linus Pitt let go of the railing and abruptly jumped away.

The point is always always always...idk man do you want to die? Do you want your family to die?

The test is always:

Harm to humans, vs no harm to humans.

At this point, we can comfortably say that Geralt's system of beliefs has a name.

Geralt does not exist, he is a literary device. But in as far as we can gather evidence and apply it to canon, his state beliefs fit the definition.

A system of belief that attributes the good and evil in the world to choices of humans, rather than gods, and that assesses good and bad based primarily on whether they harm or help humans, has a name.

Geralt is a humanist.

Here is the definition for humanism from Oxford dictionary:

an outlook or system of thought attaching prime importance to human rather than divine or supernatural matters. Humanist beliefs stress the potential value and goodness of human beings, emphasize common human needs, and seek solely rational ways of solving human problems.

There are, of course, many ways to define any philosophy you could possibly discuss, but at it's most basic, humanism does not source morality from a holy book or a god. There is no higher power or authority.

It asks one simple question:

Does this do harm to humans, or does it help humans?

That may seem obvious, but a whole lot of morality based on religion falls away when you use this. Premarital sex? Is it bad? Welp? Are you harming the person you're having sex with? No? Ok, you're good! Homosexuality? Again, are you harming the person you're dating? No? Then you're good! Most sex based ideas about immorality just sort of goes away.

So is this just a decision making tool though? Or a system of morality? A way of life?

Well, for Geralt it is a way of life. This man is extra as fuck about his code of ethics.

I mean, there is no witcher code of ethics. But you'd better believe his extra ass made one, for himself! He calls it the witchers code, instead of Geralt's code, because that sounds fancier, and people respect it that way. If he just said, "I don't want to do it," no one would listen to him.

I did a post on his code.

So this guy is so in love with ethics that when no one gave him a code, he WROTE HIS OWN, and THEN! THEN he went out on the path as a young witcher, hoping to rescue innocents. He came out of the gate being driven by the value of human life.

When he is in the temple, talking to Iola, the priestess, (p115)about himself as a young witcher and what motivated him out on the path, he says this:

"...when I left Kaer Morhen and took to the road. I'd earned my medallion, the Sign of the Wolf's School. I had two swords: silver and iron, and my conviction, enthusiasm, incentive, and....faith. Faith that I was needed in a world full of monsters and beasts, to protect the innocent."

Geralt's entire personality is based on his initial desire to just...help people. Do good. It has nothing to do with gods. It has everything to do with the way he values human life.

Does this take a massive beating every day he wakes up? yes. Does he always live up to it? No. But it doesn't change the fact that it's there, that it is the underpinning of his character.

Also, I have to add, it informs his entire approach of political neutrality.

Geralt gets a bad rap for his ideas about neutrality. I'm not saying his idea about neutrality is the ideal or always correct. But people tend to see it as based in apathy or self interest and it very much is not.

He explains it to Ciri in Blood of Elves.

Geralt, Triss, and Ciri are traveling with Yarpen Zigrin and his men in Blood of Elves (p122) . Yarpen is transporting (smuggling) something crucial for the war effort on behalf of King Henselt of Kaedwen.

Triss is ill, so Geralt has begged Yarpen to allow them to join the caravan. Geralt says he will help out to pay them back for their kindness, only, Geralt has one thing he will not do. Since they are an official caravan, fighting would essentially make him an official soldier. So, if they are attacked by Scoia'tael, he will not fight. He says:

"Please don't count on my sword. I have no intention of killing those, as you call them, evil creatures, on the order of other creatures whom I do not consider to be any better."

Later, Ciri rides ahead and comes across some elven ruins. Geralt catches up to her and tells her what happened there. They are the ruins of an elven castle called Shaerrawedd, where humans mercilessly massacred a huge number of elven youth.

Geralt says that he has seen some elves about, but he isn't going to warn the caravan because he knows the elves are only there to visit their sacred place. He explains his neutrality to Ciri further.

"Do you know now why the Scoia'tael were here, do you see what they wanted to look at? And do you understand why the elven and dwarven young must never be allowed to be massacred once again? Do you understand why neither you nor I are permitted to have a hand in this massacre?....Do you understand?

She nodded.

"Do you understand what this neutrality is, which stirs you so? To be neutral does not mean to be indifferent or insensitive. You dont' have to kill your feelings. It is enough to kill the hatred within yourself. Do you understand?"

It isn't that Geralt doesn't care.

Geralt cares so so very much, and is so distrustful of power and political and religious institutions that he believes getting involved with them will end in him being used as a tool to do something to harm others.

Geralt does not want to be used as a tool to kill someone else. He has a lot of experience with that. He believes that the only response to a rigged game is to not play it.

Of course it is so much more complicated than that. Geralt has a lot to learn over the course of the series and he is tested sorely, and brutally. He is challenged over and over again. Is it even possible not to play? Are you playing by not playing?

But this post isn't about the relative ethics of political neutrality. It's about Geralt's spiritual and/ or moral beliefs.

The point of this post is, that Geralt is very passionately driven by his well defined system of beliefs, and that belief system is humanism.

Ok, let's go back to the words holy and irrefutable. Even though Geralt does not believe in the gods, he sometimes uses words that sound religious to describe his beliefs. Let's also go back to the word Faith. He uses it twice with Iola to describe his belief that he can help the innocent and do good in the world.

That is because, you don't need anything supernatural to value human life, AND YET sometimes that act of valuing human life feels sacred.

It is not logic. It is not reason. It is love.

I'm editorializing here. This is just me talking, my opinion. Humanism involves believing in the worth of human beings, and that requires a massive amount of faith, especially when people are out there doing evil to each other every day. Some days, love feels like a miracle.

Sure, you CAN make 'rational' arguments about why being kind to one another or valuing one another is the best way to live. It results in a high quality of life, it builds a healthier, more peaceful, world. It's all true.

But ultimately, most humanists are probably not humanists because of rationality. They value human life because they value it intrinsically. They believe that it matters, against all fucking odds. They just love for love's sake.

A know I do!

And having a protagonist like Geralt, who, no matter what horrors and evils he sees, not matter what abuse and trauma he endures, who never ever stops just fucking HELPING, who never stops CARING never stops TRYING, who exemplifies everything to love and cherish about the human spirit, just because he thinks HUMAN BEINGS are worth defending, it is so important to have, and for me, so fulfilling to read.

So, call him a humanist, don't call him a humanist, it doesn't matter. But watching him him go through hell, yet refuse to stop trying to help other people, it makes me feel better about being a human.

#the witcher #asks #geralt of rivia #the witcher books #thinking about geralt of rivia yet again #thinking about the witcher books yet again

240 notes · View notes

c00kietin · 4 months

Text

Me? Ranting? A very rare occasion.

(I'm not looking for attention or anything I just want to write out my frustrations- and some nice things that happened today :D)

LONG POST OF ME COMPLAINING BELOW:

Idk why my Spotify decided to let me listen to Careless Whisper while writing (really lmao) but yk-

I had a geography test first class- wasn't major but it wasn't the best way to start the day. Then, we were scurried off to this "wellbeing talk" which the vast majority of us thought would be about our mental health, e.g. stress and anxiety and stuff.

WRONG.

IT WAS PUBERTY.

Luckily not reproduction (I think everyone would have died then), but the topic of puberty makes me severely uncomfortable and extremely insecure about myself. The period talk and stuff was fine, but talking about body hair, hygiene, makes me really question if people find me disgusting. I already hate the way I look and it doesn't help when a woman names everything I hate about my looks.

So, for over an hour, I had my ears covered and back hunched while crying my eyes out, and it's not like my friends could have helped because we would get in trouble if we talked. All the teachers were seated at the back too so they couldn't even see me. The speaker herself was so annoying too, she had a microphone earpiece as well and said usual stuff they blame teenagers- "on screens too much", "thinks vaping is cool", and she said constantly said "okay?" in an irritating tone which got on my nerves.

Once it was finally over, we went back to our base classroom, and was now small lunch/small break (or whatever you call it, yk). I finally collapsed and one of my friends, bless her soul, got me my SNA (Special Needs Assistant) who got me to an empty class which she allowed me to stay in for a bit. Thank god, I eventually felt better and worked on my comic storyboard and eventually got back to classes- which were a drag, but weren't terrible.

At the end of the day I had German (the choice language I'm learning) and even though me and my friends couldn't present our German project in time we were able to hand out the lebkuchen me and my friend (Yercat, if you remember em :]) made which were tasty.

Oh yeah, almost forgot- after seeing some of my moots use the website (can't remember who in particular akdsfdhsfjdk) "Incorrect quote generator" I had loads of fun with that too today :>

I might draw some of the incorrect quotes I got- I also might post the comic storyboard so far if you guys want to see it! :D

#rant #vent #<- kinda #cw vent #tw vent #cw periods #talking #sorry for waffling </3 #if you read it all #I give you a big ol hug <33 #edit: jeekus I did NOT grammar check this ;-;

26 notes · View notes

kakagaievents · 9 months

Text

Please go and support all the wonderful works created for this event. 😈

Also, due to the theme of the works, it is recommended to read the tags and warnings of each one. 🔞

FANFICTION

By @ficklecat

Chamomile and Jasmine

Emerald Dragons

Thoughts from the Floorboards

Special Occasion

For What Is Certain

By @depressedhatakekakashi

Lunch

Reality Is So Much More Beautiful

By @green-riot

Rival

By @searockmilk

Something else to keep me here

By @mysecretx

Shower fun

FANARTS

By @chikivan

First time

Icha Icha

Hokage/Anbu

Shadow clones

Free day!

All works

By @searockmilk

Rivals with benefits | Overstimulation

Icha Icha | Public/Semi-public sex

Hokage/Anbu

Omegaverse | Dirty talk

Free day! | Oral sex

By @cawkashi

Rivals with benefits

Overstimulation

Hokage | Belly bulge

Shadow clones

Free day!

By @euth3ria

First time

INCORRECT QUOTES

First time by @mystery-hood

Thank you to all the participants of the KakaGai/GaiKaka Smut Event 2023. 😈

33 notes · View notes

tristitia · 6 days

Text

i really loved these ask questions by @archivoasks which I found thru @svnarin and I wanna answer them all! they literally reminded me of my time on quotev where I used to take those free answer surveys! ughhh! I miss making quizzes 😭 but here we go <33

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

guilt. isolation. and my own will to better myself after 10th class.

2. show us a picture of your handwriting?

3. films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

the hangover, pt 3. the campaign. the conjuring 2.

4. what made you start your blog?

I had started so many blogs and deleted them over these 3-4 yrs on Tumblr 😅 but I made my first blog (@demeto-anima) to post astrology incorrect quote, somehow it turned into TR blog, then I started posting my writings on it. When the list of my works started to grow, I made my side-blog @emotioball, then in December of 2022, I deleted both. Then in Jan 2023, I made my beloved @tristitia, on which I used to post my writings on my beloved Taiju, in March I guess, I deleted it too 😭 Now I'm here again, with the same name, but this time posting nothing because I lost that content maker streak in me somewhere back in September of last year 😭

5. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

The best part is, you enjoy what you create and the sad part it, it hurts when ppl don't appreciate what you made with your whole heart 😔💔 (and also that to be visible, to become a bigger blog, you have to be socially active which on so many occasions I had failed to achieve because I'm scared of talking to someone else outside my circle (which is a semi-circle tbh)

6. what scares you the most and why?

My sister dying before me 💔 She is the only person on this planet who loves and understands me without any condition, she's my soul mate, I'll die if she's gone 💔

7. any reacquiring dreams?

yeah... this big road that never seems to end. I always find myself standing alone on it

8. tell a story about your childhood

once a boy in 2nd grade wrote my name on his arm with blade, principle thrashed him so bad (Idk why such things happens to me all the time, something like this repeated I'm 11th grade too)

9. would you say you’re an emotional person?

Yes, on a scale of 0 to 10, I'm 15.

10. what do you consider to be romance?

understanding each other, being honest to each other. random acts of services. making time to meet up at the park or cafe. long walks together, sharing stories, all kind of them, good, bad, embarrassing— this is love

11. what’s some good advice you want to share?

don't ever do anything half-heartedly

12. what are you doing right now?

recovering from typhoid 😭 mustering courage to complete my notes

13. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

get into politics, I love it so much, I'm serious when I say I want to become Prime Minister of India 😭

14. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

books, TV, good movies to watch with my family

15. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

try to be more confident

16. name 3 things that make you happy

books, writing, finally understanding a complex topic

17. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

I believe in ghosts! I've a whole theory that they live in the lower electromagnetic spectrum of light, yk in the UV range and we cannot see them because we see things in visible range

18. favourite thing about the day?

it's lively, and I'm more productive during this time

19. favourite things about the night?

you got to make vivid scenarios before bed

20. are you a spiritual person?

not right now, but I want to be. achieve that state of peacefulness and satisfaction

21. say 3 things about someone you love

they stuck with me when I thought they'll leave. they respect my opinions. they never judges me.

22. say 3 things about someone you hate

you're mean. you're arrogant. you'll never know love if you'll keep making everything about yourself.

23. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

I know when to distance myself from things that are running me mentally and/or physically

24. fave season and why?

summer, because there are lots of flowers and butterfly and green grass and blue sky and basically, lots of colors and life

25. fave colour and why?

yellow, because it reminds me of warmth, sun, sunflowers and that everything will be okay if it's not already, also Taiju's eyes are yellow so that's why too 🤭

26. any nicknames?

yeah, my one friend calls me Ashi and other calls me Asubaba

27. do you collect anything?

foreign currencies!

28. what do you do when you’re sad?

I watch TV 😭 and cry

29. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

writing, especially when it turns out the way I wanted it too 🫶✨️

30. are you messy or organised?

mostly organized

31. how many tabs do you have open right now?

34 right now ♡ last week the number reached 80

32. any hobbies?

writing, reading, journaling

33. any pet peeves

i hate it when ppl talk to me in a way that they are demeaning me. homophobes and ppl who don't respect other person's culture, religion, ethenicity, etc. also irks me a lot

34. do you trust easily?

yeah 😔

35. are you an open book or do you have walls up?

according to my sister, I'm the most obvious person on this planet

36. share a secret

I think I'm bi

37. fave song at the moment?

coney island by taylor swift ft. the national

38. youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

Dhruv Rathee, he is so brave and speaks the facts about the current situation in thr country. logical and presents his view without applying any bias biasness

#[🥀] tris's personal universe #this was rotting in my drafts since ever lol 🥲

5 notes · View notes

heronchildlove · 23 days

Text

Hi! My name is Nanda and this is my blog dedicated to The Last Hours, by Cassandra Clare, specially the relationship between James and Matthew (heronchild) or, on occasion, James, Matthew and Cordelia (heronchildstairs/heronfairstairs).

First I’d like to explain that, because this is a side blog, I can’t follow you back or interact with replies and IMs through here, but you are always welcome to leave an ask or to message me on my main blog @nandawrites!

Here you can find:

Fanfictions (and specifically my fanfictions under NandaWrites)

Fanarts

Aesthetics

Headcanons

Playlists

Incorrect quotes

Memes

Tlh/related tsc news

Excerpts from the books and other related canon things

Assorted quotes that make me think of them

Any post tagged "original" is because it was made by me and is not a reblog even if the content isn't my invention (e.g: an incorrect quote or meme)

I take requests! Just keep in mind that, as I’m the only one taking care of this blog, it might take a while for me to get to your request, but I promise I will always do any requests I receive! So please always feel free to send in Heronchild prompts, be it for fanfics, aesthetics or headcanons.

You can also always send in your own works and headcanons and theories for me to publish/reblog/promote/discuss! My goal is to feature all things Heronchild and Matthew or James related on this blog, romantic or platonic, so never be afraid to send an ask just to talk about them or chat with me. I’d love to be friends with you all!

Once again, thank you all so much for being here and for all the support you have been showing this blog!

#pinned post #the mods speak #mod nanda

3 notes · View notes

could-be-kira · 2 years

Text

death note theatre kid au

okay this is a lil different from my incorrect quote posting but i had this au in my head based on a headcanon i have and i have a lot of feelings about it so we're gonna talk about it. so, what would happen if we threw all the death note characters in a drama class together ? the answer is pure chaos and hilarity.

character + role rundown :

light - actor, all or at least most of his roles are usually super unhinged, everyone agrees his performance is amazing but they're all slightly terrified of him when he gets up onstage. not nearly as unhinged in real life though, and quite a bit more chill than in canon.

L - writer and casting director, instead of doing preexisting plays / scenes, he writes all original stories for the group to perform. writes certain characters specifically for light and mello because they're his People. is actually also a pretty good actor but prefers just to do it during quick readthroughs and while helping the rest of the group run through lines rather than being up onstage.

misa - costume designer and set artist. this girl is the QUEEN of aesthetics and can very quickly come up with ideas for exactly how the set and costumes should look just based on the tone of the script that she's given. she's very good at editing and making revisions of her designs after both reading the script herself, as well as watching a couple runthroughs of it. very bubbly and creative.

ryuk & rem - lighting and sound, respectively. ryuk should not be allowed in the lighting booth because he basically does whatever he wants to do with it during every rehearsal just to spice it up and make it more interesting but no one trusts him enough to be in charge of anything else so ... lighting it is. rem on the other hand follows the rules of sound to a t. she's always on the ball and knows what she needs to play and when. also, it's important to note that despite the lack of death notes, these two are still shinigami in this au and no one questions it.

near - props master, in charge of making or buying everyone's props and making sure they have them when they need them. sometimes he spaces out and ends up playing with a prop or two himself, and either L or misa will have to give him a poke mid-scene to remind him to go put said props where they're supposed to be during rehearsal.

mello - actor, he holds quite a bit of passion and conviction out of character, and it most certainly carries over onstage. he's not the best with staying calm if he messes up a line, misses a cue, etc. because he's kind of a perfectionist, so even during first rehearsals after only just being given the script, there tends to be a lot of yelling going on and consolidation needed if he does something wrong.

soichiro - drama teacher, this group stresses him out SO much because of all the chaos they cause but he's trying his best </3

matsuda, aizawa, mogi, etc. - additional actors because we can't just have two.

random headcanons :

– light, L and misa are all best friends and make a great team working on stuff for the class together.

– light tried to convince L to get into acting for actual performances while they were going over scenes together in their spare time because of how much L put into how he performed during their runthrough.

– everyone acknowledges that there's something 💅💅 going on between light and L ... except for light and L. after every scene runthrough, at least one of them receives "are you sure you're not attracted to him–?" and despite the fact that they both deny it, they are in fact attracted to each other.

– misa has tried to set the two of them up on multiple occasions to no avail, but she'll get there eventually <3

– speaking of misa, she's a lesbian and dating rem. she used to have some comphet for light but she's over it and now they're besties.

– misa and L have a bet going on regarding how they think soichiro's gonna quit, because they both think he's going to. misa thinks it's gonna be because the group is just generally too chaotic for his sanity to hold on and L thinks it'll be because he keeps having light play some wackjob and he nails it every time

– L's writing coupled with light's acting is starting to make everyone think that if he doesn't make it big as a pro actor, he'll just end up being a serial killer ( they're right, it just happens in a different timeline than this one :D )

– soichiro has had to talk to L about maybe not casting light as the most unhinged character in the script every time he writes something new for the group to perform. L says he'll consider it, but really he's going to make the characters even worse on purpose because a) watching light act like a total nutcase is both incredibly entertaining and attractive, and b) he has a bet against misa to win

i think that's all i have about this au for now but PLEASE come ask / talk to me about it in my ask box because i would love to develop some new ideas and ramble about it more as a theatre person myself :))

#death note #l lawliet #light yagami #lawlight #misa amane #ryuk #death note ryuk #rem death note #remisa #near death note #mello #mello death note #death note au #death note theatre people au #♡ / ( alternate universes . )

71 notes · View notes

northwestofinsanity · 2 months

Text

Band Incorrect Quote/Scenario -“It’s Too Early For This!” (Happy Daylight Savings Spring Forward Monday)

Provided a bit later in the day than hoped, because Tumblr formatting put up a fight on me… A *long* scenario in an incorrect setting universe far more incorrect than most of my incorrect scenarios -solely for the guilty pleasure and humor of inserting bands into really wild situations that happened at my veterinary hospital job in current-day, in the chance occasions I could see their personalities fitting in. Featuring the mid/late 80s Squeeze lineup, since the clock fiasco here sort of parallels well to the “Hourglass” music video. (And maybe that’s the only realistic parallel here -but then, it is an incorrect scenario, and y’all can’t say I didn’t warn you!)

-It’s the Monday morning after the Spring forward to Daylight Saving’s Time, and the 7:00 AM openers (Keith and Gilson) are arriving at what was just formerly 6:00 AM to begin the day-

Keith Wilkinson: *Half asleep on his feet since he’s extra effected by the time shift. Goes into the pharmacy hall, takes the clock off the wall, moves it forward an hour, and hangs it back up, having to attempt this a few times because the nail in the wall is loose and keeps moving into the wall so there’s not enough sticking out for the clock to hang on. He finally gets it to stay up, and after waiting a few seconds to see that it isn’t falling and appears stable, shuffles off to help Gilson with other opening tasks*

-An hour later: The 7:30 arrival crew are all in, and mandatory opening tasks are finished. To attempt to wake up a bit, everyone is going around doing other chores and keeping busy until appointments begin.-

Glenn Tilbrook: *Working on the weekly chore list and cleaning walls and countertops in exam rooms that were deep cleaned earlier in the previous week, then breaks off to load the first appointment that arrives early*

Keith Wilkinson: *Upstairs in the supply closet, getting paper towels and a few other things they need to restock*

Gilson Lavis: *Folding laundry in treatment -Chris got a lot done over the weekend on kennel duty, and the trash bag nested in the bin is stuffed to the gills so that it stands up level with his chest*

Chris Difford: *Setting up and assigning other exam rooms to the other appointments that are coming up next by writing information on the whiteboards on the door and pre-loading supplies that will be needed specific to those appointments*

Jools Holland: *Setting up the lab and pharmacy counter, and reading the appointment information off the computer screen aloud to Chris so he doesn’t have to keep going back to it in between each room being set up*

Glenn Tilbrook: *Comes out of the room he loaded, having gotten all the history he needs to report to the office with*

-As Glenn goes into the office, a baby gate propped up along the side of one of the doctors’ desks randomly slides down and hits the tile floor with a loud clatter-

Glenn Tilbrook: *Winces, because the room he loaded is directly across from the office door, and the walls are very thin, so literally everything in the hall is audible inside the rooms*

Chris Difford: *Gets jumpscared, as he’s spazzy and disoriented from being overtired, then snickers quietly before continuing to prep rooms. He is especially sleep deprived out of all of them, because he worked kennel duty in addition to the time change*

Jools Holland: “Goodness gracious!”

Glenn Tilbrook: *Picks the gate up* “Well, that’s something to wake everyone up with!” *Gives the history to the doctor, then starts to duck back into the other room he’s working on cleaning*

-Not even two seconds later, before Glenn can even make it back to his cleaning supplies, a huge, multiple-crash clatter resounds from the hall, ten times louder than the baby gate falling, as the clock finally jumps off the wall, takes the wall-mounted phone out with it, and both attack the computer on the pharmacy counter below-

Gilson Lavis: *Still around the corner in treatment folding laundry* “WHAT in the bloody HELL was THAT?” *Sets down the sheet he was working on and goes around to investigate*

Chris Difford: *Gives off a single cackle nearly a full octave above his typical voice tone and goes into hard, silent, wheezing, hysterical laughter*

Jools Holland: *Briefly flinches and recoils back away from the clock that fell just inches in front of his face, then turns toward Gilson with a deadpan expression*

Glenn Tilbrook: *Turns straight back around toward the hall, just one second too late to see the action, but just in time for the immediate aftermath*

-The pharmacy wall clock is on the floor right in front of the counter. The phone, which usually hangs on the wall under the clock is also down -the body with the cradle, dial-pad, and intercom are on the counter, on top of the computer keyboard, and the phone receiver is on the floor, dangling by the curly phone cord stretched down the front of the cabinets. The computer screen is spazzing out with a hundred error dialogue boxes, due to the phone cradle actively holding down keys, which already got smashed when the clock went down-

Glenn and Gilson (in unison from opposite ends of the hall): “LORD have MERCY!” *Both chuckle*

Chris Difford: *Leaning over the counter over the sink, still shaking, gasping, and wheeze-laughing, with tears in his eyes. He’s visibly too weak to do anything but brace himself by his hands on the edge of the counter and lean against it to stay upright, and try not to look at any of his mates, because if he does, it’s going to set him off harder… He knows deep down this shouldn’t be this funny, but in his overtired state, it is the best thing in the world, and he is GONE!*

Jools Holland: *Picks the phone hook up off the keyboard, looking unimpressed; grabs the mouse and starts dismissing the errors* “What is this day?”

Glenn Tilbrook: “It’s hardly begun yet!” *Picks up the clock and starts fighting with the nail to try and get it hung back up again, having it shrink back into the wall on him multiple times. This causes the clock to fall again, only he catches it this time, with a priceless, wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression of surprise as he reaches to snatch it out of the air*

Jools Holland: *Finally cracks and starts laughing at this, which sets Chris off again and takes him further* “Well, shit!”

Glenn Tilbrook: “First the baby gate, then the clock and the phone jumping off the wall -our first patient is probably wondering what on Earth is happening here!”

Jools Holland: “That’s it, it’s official! *Goes into his dramatic announcer voice* Our clock says that it is WAY TOO EARLY for this!” *Flinches as the computer throws up another error box, because it is big-mad after having its keys pressed so aggressively.* “And apparently, now this does, too!” *Shuts the whole thing down so it can be restarted.*

Chris Difford: *Points to Jools in agreement, then shakes his head, still in hysterical laughter, and runs out around the corner into treatment, leaving the room to go pull himself together where nothing else can get to him*

Keith Wilkinson: *Comes around the corner scooting a huge Sam’s Club package of paper towels along the tile in front of him with his feet, while having a six-pack sleeve of Kleenex boxes tucked under one arm, a roll of trash bags under the other, and with fingertips wrapped around the handle of a half-gallon refill bottle of hand soap, only leaving one barely-freed hand for him to have held the rail while getting down the very steep stairs in the back* *Freezes in place and does a double-take at Chris running out in hysterics and Jools and Glenn trying to get the clock and phone back up, then unceremoniously sets down the soap bottle and tissue boxes, since they’re nearly falling out of his grip, anyway.* “What on Earth’s happened? I leave for five minutes and I’ve come back to this!”

Glenn Tilbrook: *Goes off in one of his guttural, mirthful cackles* “Too much! That’s what’s happened -too much!”

Jools Holland: “Too much at this hour, that’s for sure. Even without being an hour ahead!”

-Twenty minutes later-

Glenn Tilbrook: *Notices that the clock is twenty minutes behind, approximately where it was when it fell down* “What?” *Takes it back down and tries to check that the batteries didn’t come loose, then realizes he can hear it ticking, though the hands aren’t moving, and in trying to turn the knob on the back to adjust the hands, realizes that they came detached from the internal mechanism with the glorious impact* “Oh, shit -great!” *Tries to fix the clock one more time, just in case, before leaving it on the manager’s desk*

Chris Difford: *Places a note on the clock stating ‘It jumped off the wall and broke’ and finds the office instant camera to commemorate the most chaotic Spring Forward*

#incorrect quotes #incorrect band scenarios #situational meme #insanity post #pardon my insanity #incorrect band scenario -hospital AU edition (where Squeeze and Styx have been thrown through many a wild work experience)#daylight savings time #tag yourself: I was Glenn and Keith #(the bringing down an armload of supplies thing is the only thing that didn’t happen in the real-life situation)#(that happened before the clock went down -it just worked to shift it for the band member dynamic)#ai yi yi!

2 notes · View notes