#but again being really busy with college makes this more of a blessing than anything else tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marinabays · 1 year

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[M/M] [Sex Work] [Overstim] [Dirty Talk]

Jenny is sitting back in the wicker café chair, looking every bit the relaxed retiree she is. She looks tan. She looks good. She’s squinting at Lee’s phone, because it will be a fair few years before she admits she needs reading glasses, one leg folded over the other, bouncing her foot around with such lazy enthusiasm that Lee worries she’ll kick her cappuccino off the table. Lee thinks Jenny could still be infamous, charging S1,000 for an hour of her time, if she wanted to.

Then again, youth sells was one of the first slivers of advice Lee had managed to pry out of Jenny, after he’d sworn up and down that he was going to go into this line of work no matter what, with Jenny’s blessing or without it. “A lot of these guys are looking for something new. Their lives, their wives, their first-class trans-Atlantic flights, it’s all old hat. You get to be the shiny new thing on the block.” Countless people looking to break into the industry must have solicited help from Jenny over the years. Lee still hasn’t wrapped his head around why Jenny sees potential in him in particular.

But Lee likes being shiny. Likes being appreciated, desired, noticed, scouted. This isn’t the least logical career choice he could be making.

“Your site looks good. Who’d you hire to do it?” Jenny asks, incredulous.

Lee tries not to look too pleased. He knows it looks good. It’s got SEO coming out of its ass, too, but that’s all hidden. “I did it myself, ‘s not that hard. What do you think about the photos?”

“They’re nice.” Jenny zooms in with two fingers, considering. “Tasteful. In my day you paywalled anything racier than underwear shots, but these days all bets are off.”

“Did those myself too.” All it took was a secondhand DSLR, a couple of ring lights, and a bootleg copy of Lightroom.

“You’ve got a full bio, gallery, wishlist, and services page, and you haven’t even had a client yet?”

Lee crosses his arms in front of him, tucks his chin into the neck of his hoodie. “With how much you’re telling me to charge, I can’t have anyone realizing this is my first go ‘round. Everyone wants a virgin but no one wants an amateur.”

“Hey, don’t quote me at me,” Jenny warns, but he looks fond. “Please tell me you’re at least not planning on dressing like this.” She looks Lee up and down. Her evaluation of Lee’s dress sense is obvious.

“I’ve got nice clothes,” Lee protests. They’ve all still got the tags on, but he was going to make sure he tried them on before his first booking. He’d just been really busy.

Jenny is unconvinced, but she doesn’t say it. She just smiles over the lip of her coffee, looking satisfied with the execution of her mentorly duties.

“Here,” she says, and reaches under her chair. She brings out an expensive-looking shopping bag, the kind of thing Lee wouldn’t dream of touching on his student budget. “I know it’s just going to end up on the floor, but I can’t have any protegé of mine wearing something that came from Target.”

Lee wants to argue, but he’s gone all in on being cheeky, not rude. He’s already taking Jenny’s time, mentorship, advice, and gifts. He doesn’t need to try her patience as well. “Thank you.”

Jenny waves him off. “Don’t worry about it. Just promise me you’ll be safe, alright? Remember the basics? You’re your own best friend when you’re out there. Just— keep your head on straight, yeah?”

Lee nods but if he’s being honest he’s thinking more about how much he’d like to be like Jenny, when he gets to be that old. Jenny’s got croissant crumbs down her blouse and doesn’t seem bothered by it. She’s embodying a kind of unselfconscious ease that has been totally alien to Lee’s twenty-one years on earth. But maybe he can be like that one day. Maybe once enough people tell him he’s beautiful in cold, hard cash.

⁂

The guy’s “name” is Andrew, and apparently he’s a cheapskate because he only books an hour-long session. Still, the message is the most exciting email Lee’s received since his college acceptance.

He tells Jenny the time and place and makes plans to check in five minutes after the session is meant to end. The check-in and a can of pepper spray in his backpack are all he has in terms of safety, a fact which only really sinks in once he exits the elevator and is finally alone in the silent, extravagantly carpeted hotel hallway.

It all feels a bit surreal. He’d asked himself a million times if he was really ready for this and made sure the answer was an emphatic yes. He’d thought about it for so long, planned it down to the millimeter. But he still has to focus on the things that remind him that this isn’t a daydream: touching the silky lining of the sharply cut blazer Jenny bought him, checking the Signal notifications on his phone, running his finger over the condom packet in his back pocket to make sure that it’s still there. There’s probably never been a more important time to think with his head and not his dick, but he’s already half-hard in these new paint-on jeans.

Eventually, he just stuffs his headphones into his bag and tries to focus instead on not obviously blushing, on not thinking too much about how good it felt to finger himself open in the shower before he left, on not accidentally knocking on the wrong room.

Andrew is wearing an oversized tie-dye t-shirt when he opens the door. The floor behind him is covered in discarded clothes, and the air is thick with herbal steam from the shower. “Hiya, Gordon?”

Lee tilts his head in a way that he hopes comes across more as an interested coquette than puzzled bird. “Hey, Andrew? Can I come in?”

Lee had expected older. A lot older. Andrew seems youthful at least. On the inquiry form he had unhelpfully listed his occupation as traveling businessman, but with his tattoos, he looks more like a lifestyle influencer. He’s got a smile big enough for YouTube, beckoning Lee into the room like they’re old friends and not strangers. “Sorry about the—er—everything. Travel lifestyle, you know how it is.”

Lee hasn’t traveled in years, but his website still has a Fly Me To You section. He glances at the dresser. There’s a heavy, expensive-looking watch laying on its side next to an unmarked envelope. Just where he asked for it. It’s odd to think that he’s set the rules of the interaction before they’re even met, but he supposes that’s the point. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve seen worse.”

He should really, really count the money first. Another winning piece of rookie advice from Jenny. He slips the envelope into his pocket instead.

He can feel Andrew watching him. He examines the view of the city through the picture window instead. “Are you in town for long?”

“Through the end of the week. Do you deepthroat? It didn’t say in your bio.”

Jesus Christ. It sounds like he’s asking Lee what he had for lunch. Lee doesn’t miss a beat though, just arches his eyebrow and turns to look Andrew in the eyes. “Er, yeah? Part of the job description, isn’t it?”

Andrew shrugs. “Takes all sorts.” He pulls his shirt over his head, revealing more tattoos and tan skin. He is, truth be told, very good looking. Lee goes to the gym, obviously, and the photos on his website were specifically taken to showcase it. He never expected a client to give him a run for his money. Andrew really doesn’t need to be paying for sex, but Lee won’t be running out to file a complaint. “We don’t have that much time, I figured I might as well get comfortable.”

“Yeah, of course. You, uh, you look really good.” Lee does his best to keep up. He’s meant to be the impressive one here, not the other way around.

Still, Andrew seems charmed by it, smiling as he sits on the edge of the bed. He spreads his legs wide, relaxed and lazy and completely unsubtle. It’s as wide-open an invitation as Lee will ever get. He strips off the jacket and folds it over the chair in the corner with as much care as he can. Then he shucks off the rest of his clothes onto the floor before he can second-guess himself. Andrew just stares with open appreciation, especially when he gets to the things the photos didn’t show.

“Do you mind if I—?”

“No, go ahead,” Andrew says, his voice dry. It may have been a prepared line but it works, and has Andrew leaning forward in anticipation as Lee’s underwear falls to the floor.

It’s a little embarrassing to be so hard already. Ideally, Lee would like to be a little more aloof, playing a little harder to get, a seasoned professional. Still, he strokes himself a few times, since Andrew is watching. This is all happening quicker than he’d imagined, no polite small talk, but he’s not sure he could have waited much longer anyway. Anxiety and arousal are working together to slowly swallow him whole. He can’t really believe he’s doing this.

Condom, right. Remember the basics. He snags it from his pants and sinks to his knees with as much grace as he can manage, which isn’t much. It’s familiar and strange at the same time, but he relies on his instincts and doesn’t waste any time. Andrew hardens nicely against his lips, the satisfying physical evidence of what Lee can do to guys, when he tries.

There’s no use playing coy when Andrew’s been so upfront about what he wants. Lee takes a deep breath and relaxes his throat, then takes Andrew as far down as he can manage. It’s worth it for how Andrew goes from silent to swearing in no time at all, his fingers tangling in Lee’s hair.

Just as Andrew is getting completely taut and hard on Lee’s tongue, and Lee starts letting pride drive him to suck deeper, to the edge of gagging, Andrew tugs lightly on the back of Lee’s hair, pulling him away. Lee goes, looking up at Andrew with big eyes. He knows he looks good. He keeps working Andrew’s dick with his hand, pleased by how he can make Andrew bite his lip and breathe out hard.

“Not yet,” Andrew says, stopping Lee’s hand with his own. He still squeezes hard at the base, looking down at Lee with a spark of something mischievous in his eyes. He ushers Lee to his feet and onto the bed, maneuvering him with warm, steady hands until he’s bent forward over Andrew’s lap, his ass high in the air.

Of the less-bad scenarios Lee had imagined for tonight, the worst was if he had to lead the whole thing himself and improvise a suite of suitable sex acts that would get him a good rating on PrivateDelights. Andrew, thankfully, seems more than willing to ask for what he wants. Lee tries not to feel too much like he’s slacking on the job.

“This is what I’ve been thinking about all day. I was looking at your pictures.” Lee preens a little at that, rocks back and forth on his knees. Andrew hums and runs a hand down Lee’s side, across his abs. “Couldn’t stop thinking about how I was going to get my hands all over you. I already got myself off in the shower once before you came.”

Andrew’s voice is nice. It’s low and always seems to be poised on the edge of a joke, which makes it more satisfying when he turns dead-serious and filthy. The head of his cock brushes Lee’s thigh, but Lee ignores it for now, Andrew’s attention clearly all on him. This is something he’s confident that he’s good at, taking the attention with an aw-shucks bashfulness that he’s been assured is a much more popular persona than a dirty-talking porn star.

There are two lube-slick fingers rubbing at his hole, and then they’re pushing in, slow and firm. Lee forces himself to relax and properly enjoy it. He’s been turned on for so long, he can’t stop himself sighing in relief. The stretch is delightful and so much better, thicker, than when he did it himself. He curves his back a little deeper, presents his ass with a little more flair, and moans when Andrew adds a third finger.

“I wish you could see yourself right now,” Andrew breathes, his breath blowing across Lee’s lower back, sending pinprick shivers up his spine. Lee can imagine it, but he wishes he couldn’t. The thought is too much, too quick. Andrew’s hands are so big, his fingers would be stretching him obscenely wide. Lee wants more, wants a break— he needs a clear head, but his neurons are only transmitting analog fuzz, no signal.

They’ve got an hour to kill and Lee is going to come before his guy even fucks him. It’s just poor customer service.

Andrew rubs slowly, purposefully over his prostate. It’s a blast of static at the edges of Lee’s reality, slowly occluding his other thoughts. Lee moans into the duvet, a bit of precome dripping off his cock and onto Andrew’s knee. Andrew chuckles at that, bringing his other hand up to rub his palm over Lee’s balls. “That’s good for you, then?”

“Oh, you might want to— Your hand on— I might come.”

Andrew just leans in closer, so he can whisper right into Lee’s ear. “That’s so fucking hot. Do you think you can handle me inside you when you’re all sensitive?” Lee squeezes his eyes closed and nods his head. He can do anything, if he’s asked. He can be good, adaptable, impressive, worth it. “Good, I want you to try. I want to see the faces you make.”

“Anything you want, Andrew.”

“I want to see you suck your fingers, will you do that for me? That’s good, just like that, nice and full.”

It doesn’t take long after that. Andrew fingers him in time with short, quick strokes over his cock, keeps running his mouth about how he looks so pretty, baby, yeah, just let go, just let it all out. Andrew is so clearly getting off on how into it Lee is letting himself be, so Lee slips his fingers out of his mouth and yelps when he comes, rides it out and thrusts back on Andrew’s fingers until it’s too much stimulation to bear. Then he collapses across Andrew’s knee.

Andrew keeps his word and barely gives Lee a second to recover before he picks him up by the hips and flips him over so they’re face-to-face. It’s the closest they’ve been to kissing, Andrew staring down at Lee as he struggles to catch his breath. He disappears for a moment to wipe the mess off his thigh and then he’s back, pushing Lee’s knee up towards his chest and whistles when he sees how far it bends. Lee does not have the spare mental capacity to even be proud of himself anymore. “You ready?” Andrew asks, rubbing the head of his cock over the lube on Lee’s inner thigh.

“Yeah, yeah, go on, please—”

Andrew hisses as he pushes in with one slow thrust, bottoming out and sitting there as Lee spasms around him.

Lee doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He grasps at the sheets and covers his face and grasps at Andrew’s shoulders and keeps moving because all of his nerve endings are firing at once and the energy from it needs to go somewhere. Andrew only pulls out halfway before pushing back in, not relenting for a moment. “It’s, ah, it’s too much, but don’t, don’t stop—”

“You can take it darling, you’re perfect for this, come on.”

Lee anchors himself to the bed, caught between pushing back into Andrew’s thrusts and squirming away from the overstimulation. It doesn’t help that Andrew is rubbing his thumb over the come-sticky tip of Lee’s soft cock in time with his thrusts. Andrew is so focused on him — it’s nothing like he expected. He thought of himself as entering a service industry, but here he is letting Andrew do all the work. The feeling of Andrew watching his jigsaw expectations fail to fit is almost as overwhelming as the sheer physical sensation of being dragged to the limit and hauled over it without warning.

Lee wants to say something to wrestle a bit of control, a bit of dignity back, but Andrew can’t seem to stop talking. “Jesus, you’re big. I bet all the guys love that big dick, don’t they?”

Lee almost chokes on his own tongue “‘S all yours,” he bites out. He can still do this, sell the fantasy— exclusivity, for an hour.

But Andrew doesn’t seem to want to play ball. “Bet they want to see it bounce when they fuck you, huh? They want to see you come all over yourself while you ride them?”

Lee can barely focus on Andrew’s words, on formulating a reply, let alone on keeping his back arched and his eyes half-lidded like a centerfold. He probably looks sweaty and half insane by now. Andrew’s cock keeps glancing off his prostate, an electric shock every time.

“You’re my first,” Lee admits, before he can stop himself. Andrew stops moving. Fuck, shit, shit. “I mean, I’m not, I have had sex before, don’t worry—”

Andrew is still very much balls deep in Lee’s ass and breathing hard. “But you’ve never done this before, sunshine?”

Lee is now very, very glad he has his eyes closed. He really looks like a fucking amateur now. He can feel the blush spreading down his neck, giving him away, but still, he smiles through it. “Someone had to be the first client, right?”

Andrew swears under his breath. “You know, I wouldn’t have guessed. You’re a natural.”

He pulls out slow and then shoves back in, knocking Lee’s breath out of him with the force of it. It takes no time to get back up to pace, even faster now, like being first really turns him on, makes him want it more. Andrew’s bracketing him with both arms, his body so close over Lee’s that Lee can smell Andrew’s eucalyptus aftershave and feel his breath on his neck. “You take my cock like you’ve had a lot of practice. You do this a lot? You figured you could get paid doing what you love, laying on your back and just taking it?”

Lee is caught out entirely. It makes his heart beat in double-time, makes him want to haul Andrew closer. “Yeah, you’re right, fuck, don’t stop.”

Andrew laughs at that, a burst of hot air against Lee’s ear that somehow feels as good as getting fucked. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Lee should have his guard up, should never have let it slip at all, but he’s too far gone now. If all the guys can be like Andrew, he doesn’t think he’ll ever quit. “Wish you could fuck me without the condom,” he says, which is stupid, so incredibly stupid and dangerous and goes against everything he’s told himself but he means it and the thought alone is making him hard again, fuck. He wants every guy to be like Andrew but he really, really can’t do this ever again. It’s too late to think about it or say anything different. He opens his eyes in time to see Andrew’s eyes go almost comically wide.

“Wish I could too, wish I could see my come dripping out of you. You look like an angel, baby.” Andrew’s getting wild, arrhythmic, and Lee does his best to squeeze tight and wring it out of him.

“Call me Lee.”

“Yeah? Want to give you everything, Lee. Want you to take it ‘cause you like it.” His fingers dig deep into Lee’s hips, as though it were possible for them to be any closer than they already are.

There’s $600 in cash in an envelope on the floor, and that’s reason enough to like this, but Andrew is pulling Lee back onto his dick with every thrust and Lee is throwing every carefully learned lesson about how to get fucked for money out the window, along with his higher brain function. Andrew’s hand is so good, almost painful on Lee’s cock and Lee’s name is on Andrew’s tongue, and Lee just about chokes out, “I like it, I like it,” before Andrew groans into Lee’s neck and trembles through his orgasm.

Slowly, slowly, Andrew disentangles himself from Lee’s body, lets go of his hips, slides out of him, flops to the side and stares up at the ceiling like he’s been etherized or maybe just struck over the head with a heavy object. His dumbstruck silence feels like a victory, even though Lee is similarly quiet. Lee just focuses on how Andrew’s breathing slowly goes back to normal and wonders how exactly he let himself fuck up this badly. He’s still maddeningly hard, again, and he can’t do anything about it but breathe and try to let it go like an unscratched itch.

Maybe when he gets back to his flat he can count the money and actually get himself off again, thinking about Andrew’s scent.

If he does this again, he’s going to have to prepare better. If he does this again, he’s going to have to be ready for clients like Andrew, who are hot enough and attentive enough and responsive enough to stroke his ego in just the right way to make him utterly stupid.

He rolls over and kisses Andrew for what feels like the rest of the hour, then grabs his clothes and leaves just in time to pick up Jenny’s call.

⁂

Lee gets back from his evening lecture late. Nothing would feel better than turning off his brain, eating the leftover pasta in the fridge, and falling asleep watching speedruns. Still, he checks his email as he shovels the spaghetti into his mouth, because that’s how his life is now. He’s a young businessman, of sorts. An entrepreneur. There are a few new inquiries in his inbox, but the guys don’t have any references. Apparently they can’t read the rules. He marks them read and moves on, slowly putting his fork down as he spots a familiar name.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Hey Lee, I mean, Hey Gordon ;) I’m in town again this week. I was hoping to connect... i heard you’re doing overnights now?

Either way, here’s the place I’m staying. Can i reach you at the same number?

Andrew

P.s.

Do you take gifts? I was just in paris and i couldn’t stop thinking about you

Lee should really just mark it read like the others. He has plenty of regulars on his calendar, and more inquiries than he needs to fill in the gaps. He’s got a cozy, steady business going. Rookie mistakes can stay rookie mistakes. Jenny taught him that.But the idea of being thought of, longed after, by a handsome man on the streets of Paris — well, he’s only human isn’t he? It’s been a year, but he’s still got Andrew’s number in his phone. He licks a spot of tomato sauce from his lip and tries not to smile too hard when Andrew texts him back immediately.

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librianofthemoon · 1 year

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Reflections From 2022

Every so often things in life happen, and we have no control on how they happen to us.

We spend our lives surrounded by constant reminders that life is full of the unexpected and that change is inevitable. Yet we continue to live our lives under the belief that we can control what goes on around us.

Last year at this time I was no different. But 2022 came and with it a flurry of changes I never foresaw or imagined happening.

We decided to up and move to the tranquil countryside from a busy city. We traded in our shift work jobs in an airport for work Mon-Fri with steady hours and a social life again. We lost a beloved family member to cancer. And for the first time I experienced the numbing and all consuming feeling of grief. We became an Aunt and Uncle for the first time not long after this too. My health declined, transitioning on different Epileptic medications resulted in more seizures than I've ever had in a year. And as disbelieving as it sounds I lost my job due to these health issues.

But despite all the emotional ups and downs of the year past. It ended as best as it could have. Surrounded by the family we are still blessed to have, new and old friends and an appreciation for all we have in the moment.

Its funny. In the past I have spent nearly every New Years making a list of my resolutions. (I love making lists!)

But this year for the first time,...I feel instead I need to focus. Just focus. On each day as it comes and goes. The good, the bad, the dull, the bright.

Not to do anything in particular with them except acknowledge them as they come and go.

I have been given an opportunity to go to college and finally study what I have wanted to for the last five years. And its not to be forgotten, this opportunity only arose when I was let go after my probation in my new job. Something that put me into a deep depression (this had never happened to me and there was really NOTHING I could have done differently to prevent it)

But when things happen that we really don't understand or expect I like to think it is faith directing us back into a place we are meant to be in.

And considering the fact I will be studying counselling and psychotherapy. I figured why not start up a blog to document this coming year as best as I can. Returning back to education is beginning to feel daunting. I've never been to college before.

Going straight into the working world when I was 18. And to be truthful back in 2013 when I began my leaving cert in the September, I really didn't believe I had the intelligence for getting the right amount of points or being accepted into a college of my choosing.

My classmates would have told you different. But I upheld a very careful "clever" front. I never stood out as intelligent compared to my sister so I figured why bother, less stress if I choose I'm not interested in college from the get go. And by earning my own money I could escape my small town world tucked away in Irelands countryside.

And with high hopes I could see the World.

I did. I still haven't seen it all. But I saw as much as I had hoped for. I met the love of my life. I made friends I will hold close forever. I learned a great deal of things and came face to face with the difficulties in mental health in the people I cared for. I believe had things not all unfolded as they had I would not be here right now.

So after a lot of reflection I hope to go forward in this New Year open minded, wide eyed, and attentive to life and each day it gives me as I go forward.

With full intentions to focus. Appreciating every day for what it is good or bad. Because without the good and bad we would only exist in a mere flatline. Its those ups and downs that give us life as it is.

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wildernessuntothemselves · 3 years

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Lover = Lo$er | Final Part

Word Count: 8k

Genre: smut, angst, teeeeny bit of fluff ig

Summary: You’re tired of the college’s emo tryhard skater boy making fun of you. It’s not your fault you’re so perfect and loved by everyone. So to make him eat his words, you seduce him and take his virginity to show him that he’s not better than the countless people that fall at your feet in admiration.

Problem is, now he follows you around like a puppy.

Warnings: dom!reader, sub!idol, graphic description of anxiety and a panic attack, forced exhibitionism, borderline rapey, wishing to die.

When you and Soobin informed your families that you’re finally ready to get married, they were overjoyed. It didn’t even take them a day to start planning the wedding and flooding you with suggestions--all of which were so carefully planned out that you get the sneaking suspicion that they were already planning it even before you’d given your consent, and it makes you wonder if they would’ve pressured you to get married already if you’d been a little more late with the announcement.

It doesn’t matter anyway. You were getting married just like they wanted and there was no use speculating about what could’ve happened. You should just be thankful it didn’t have to come to that.

In just under a week, you’re swept up in choosing venues and themes and dresses, your life turning so busy and hectic that you almost forget about Beomgyu’s threat. Almost.

But today, all you can think about is him. It’s the day you finally announce your marriage plans and the wedding date to the world, accompanied with a sweet picture of you and Soobin smiling and holding each other lovingly.

Soobin does everything he can to keep you calm throughout the day. He insists on not leaving the house for the entire day.

He lets you sleep in, only waking you up around noon to have breakfast in bed. You then spend the entire rest of the day on the couch, stuffing your faces with food and binge watching shows, all while Soobin carefully keeps you off your phone and away from any potential bad reactions.

On the flip side, you catch him multiple times checking his own phone. He’s nervous too. You sense it in the way he’s so jittery as he chatters about anything and everything that wasn’t your wedding, but he tries his best to keep it hidden from you, bless him, and you don’t have the heart to tell him that it’s not working. Poor baby must’ve been up since the morning, consumed by his own thoughts until he finally couldn’t bear it anymore and woke you up.

He only concedes to letting you check your phone when he’s sure things were good and the reactions were positive. And they were. People thought you were a perfect match, the picture-perfect image of beauty and riches. They gushed about how the both of you looked like a prince and his princess, and how jealous they were of your perfect lives.

Perfect. That was the keyword that kept repeating. You were perfect. Your lives were perfect. Everything was perfect. If only they knew.

Things were moving along without the slightest hitch,which only worried you more. Could it be that Beomgyu really had no plans? Was it just an empty threat like Soobin kept telling you?

At night, you go to bed tangled in each other’s arms, the both of you tipsy and warm with the wine and each other as you make love, and you finally let the thought of Beomgyu slip from your mind for the first time today. You’d made the right choice. And as you kiss Soobin, you think you could taste that perfection everyone is talking about.

_____________________

It’s the next morning when your entire world is flipped around on its head.

You’re torn from sleep by Soobin’s hands again, but this time they were a far cry from the gentle nudging of the day before. No, he was frantic as he shook you awake, and you can tell from how coarse he was being that something bad had happened without even needing to look at his distraught face.

He only needed to utter one word for you to shoot up from the bed, sleep a distant memory to your eyes.

"Beomgyu…"

Your heart gallops to a start, beating so fast you can hardly catch your breath. He's done it. He's fulfilled his promise.

It takes you a few seconds to gather enough breath to ask the dreaded question. "What did he do?"

When Soobin pulls out his phone, you can already guess what happened. With a white face, you watch as Soobin presses play on the latest video on Beomgyu's channel, the channel you'd promised yourself never to watch again as you dedicated yourself entirely to your fiance.

Beomgyu's voice winds its way towards you as if through liquid metal, your ringing ears barely making sense of what he was saying.

"She actually took my virginity inside the school.” He snorts, smiling bitterly. “All while she was engaged to him, the poor bastard. The same school we all go to. He was there that day too, oblivious to what his fiance was doing behind his back in one of the spare classrooms.”

“W--what?” Your voice sounds weird to your own ears as you speak through a nearly collapsed throat. What was he talking about? Why is he acting like Soobin doesn’t know?

You keep listening as he talks, your frazzled brain scrambling to recruit whatever functioning parts of it still remain to make sense of what he’s trying to accomplish.

“I slept in her bed every night while he thought she was snuggling with the stupid teddy bear he bought her. She told him she couldn’t move in with him so she can learn to depend on herself, but really she just wanted a place to hook up with other people behind his back."

Beomgyu’s words pierce your heart. You’d confided in him your reasoning for living separately from Soobin. You’d trusted him with that information. So to see him now turn around and twist your words against you, using it as some kind of ammunition to paint you as a conniving cheater was a level of cruelty you’d never thought he’d be capable of when you first let him in.

Your heartbreak and confusion turns to horror as a picture of you sleeping on your bed with Beomgyu lying next to you shows up on the screen. Your hand shoots out to grab onto Soobin, the palpitations of your heart turning outright painful at this point and you worry you might actually be having a heart attack.

Bile rises up the back of your throat as you stare at the picture, trying to analyze it as if it’s the key to whatever is happening right now. Is it an old photo he'd taken when you were letting him sleep over or is this more recent and he'd slipped back into your room after you'd fallen asleep to take it? You couldn't tell but both possibilities made your stomach churn harder.

"I'm sorry that he has to find out that way, but I can't let her trick him into marrying her. She'll break him like she broke me." That's when a practiced sob breaks out of him, and he pauses to let a few tears out. If you didn’t know any better, if you hadn’t seen him actually cry, you would’ve believed him.

Or maybe none of his tears were ever real. Did he have you fooled too? Was he just putting on an act all those times before?

"You know what the worst part is?” He continues on and you watch numbly, losing all sensation in your body except for the overwhelming nausea gathered at the center of your body making you break out into sweat. “It's that after all she's done to me, I still want her back."

That’s when it clicks.

He wasn’t doing this to get revenge on you. He does want you back, and you realize with a sickening feeling that that’s why he wasn't exposing Soobin too. He wants to paint you as the only villain in the story to give Soobin an easy out. He can’t have you back if Soobin falls too.

He wants him to abandon you.

"When I told her I loved her. She said I'm just a toy to her and to remember my place." He smiles sadly, and the screen shows a screenshot of a conversation between the two of you.

I'm with Soobin. Don't bother me.

But I need you. Please come home.

I don't care. Remember your place. A toy doesn't get to demand things.

"I know some of you still don't believe me, maybe even Soobin doesn't, so I'm sorry but I have to do this."

Next plays a video of you sitting on the bed with your back to the camera. You were fully clothed, partially hiding Beomgyu who seems to be naked and sitting in a chair in front of you.

It’s now Soobin who holds onto you, his fingers digging into your clammy skin. It hurts but you're glad for the anchor, feeling like you could just float away from how lightheaded you were.

"Come on, pet, move your hips faster. Don't you want to cum?"

You wince as you hear your voice ordering, and Beomgyu obediently lifts his hips, and even though it wasn’t visible, you know he was thrusting his dick into your hand. Soon you hear a loud whine and a giggle coming from you and you know this is when you took your hand away.

"Does it hurt?" You hear yourself ask and Beomgyu whimpers. "Poor pup."

It takes you a moment to figure out how the hell you could've missed the camera filming this on your own bed, but when you do, a cold shiver runs down your spine at just how calculating Beomgyu the man you let into your own bed was.

It’s the bunny. You’re looking through the eyes of the stuffed bunny Soobin had gifted you to keep you company until you can be with him. And with that final puzzle piece falling into place, the whole picture becomes clear. Everything makes sense now. You understand now why he begged so hard for you to take him back and why he was acting so pliant. It was all part of his plan to gather evidence on you to present to his followers, and you’d stupidly took the bait.

You get whiplash when the video cuts back to his tearful face, and you stare in terrified awe at how easily he puts on this act to hide the cold machinations of his twisted mind.

"You must think I'm so pathetic and disgusting, but I still love her. I just want her back.” Beomgyu openly sobs. “I'm sorry to everyone I hurt and disappointed with my behavior. And I'm most of all sorry to Soobin. You don't deserve what we've done to you."

"That crazy bastard." Soobin chokes on the words, and that’s what finally breaks you. He hasn’t said a thing since the video started, and hearing just how hurt and scared he is despite the brave front he puts on is the last straw for you.

You stand up on shaky feet, feeling as if you’re walking on cotton as you rush to the toilet to throw up. Soobin follows close behind, holding your hair back as you retch, emptying your stomach into the toilet.

You're breathless and sweaty by the time there is nothing left in your stomach to vomit, and you slump back against the cold wall as Soobin gets up to grab a towel. He wets it then brings it to your face, dabbing the sweat off.

"I will set things straight.” He says resolutely, “I will tell everybody the truth."

Your eyes fling open, and you find your voice, albeit hoarse and shaky. "You can't do that! Do you know what your family will do?"

"I don't care.” He shakes his head stubbornly, “I won't abandon you."

“You have no choice, Soobin. I won’t let you ruin your life for me. If you do anything stupid, it will be of no use because I won’t be with you. I refuse to drag you down with me.”

"I'll explain everything to my family then.” He counters, desperately clambering to find a solution.

"Don't.” You shake your head weakly. “I don't want them to think any less of you."

“They won’t. I'm sure they'll understand. They love you."

And then, as if to contest his claims, Soobin’s phone starts ringing. You both pause, staring at each other in fear. You know it must be his family calling.

“You better take that.”

“They’ll understand.” He repeats once more, and you get the feeling that he’s trying to convince himself more than you.

Soobin plants a kiss against your forehead before he rushes out the bathroom.You hear his frenzied footsteps in the bedroom before his voice cuts through. “Yes, dad.”

It’s silent for a moment before Soobin speaks again. “It’s really not like that, dad. He’s lying.”

More silence.

“I know he has videos but--”

“I know what this could do to our business but she really--”

“Dad, I’m not going to break off the engagement!”

Soobin’s voice gets more and more shrill every time he speaks, and you know he’s losing the fight. Your tired heart lurches in your chest. You knew this was going to be their response, but it still kills you.

“No, I can’t come home right now. She needs me.”

Like a reaper coming to collect his promised soul, Beomgyu delivers. Soobin is being ripped right from your hands and you can only sit here, boneless and helpless as it happens. Your hands claw at your throat as you hyperventilate, your fluttering heart unable to provide any oxygen to your body.

“I’m not a child! You can’t make me.”

You don’t really hear anything after that, the ringing in your ear reaching a crescendo. You close your ears against the deafening noise, trying to concentrate on making it go away, on breathing, but you can’t.

Maybe you should just stop fighting...

You barely register your body being hauled up, too focused on making it stop. It’s only when you feel a cold stream hitting your body that you’re torn out of your own mind, your body convulsing as the ringing goes away and a strange wailing noise replaces it.

“Baby, baby, calm down. You’re scaring me.” Soobin's voice speaks directly in your ear, and you pause at the fear lacing his voice. That’s when you realize that the ugly wails are coming directly from your chest. “I won’t leave you. Calm down, please. I won’t let them take you away from me.”

Your overheated body starts cooling down as the cold water runs over your burning skin.

Little by little, the sensation in your body returns and you feel the weight of Soobin’s arms around your body, and the press of his chest against your back as he rocks you back and forth and kisses your head.

Next you hear his own sobbing, and the guilt swarms your body and pushes out the sadness. You’ve done this to him. You’ve hurt him once again. That’s all you ever do, and you didn’t even have the decency to act strong and comfort him. No, you broke down and forced him to take on the role of your protector once again, forced him to push down his own emotions so he can soothe yours.

You’ve been nothing but a burden to him, a source of pain.

"Fuck, it's my fault. I pushed him."

His sorrowful words push you to motion, and you turn around to take Soobin into your arms. You turn off the faucet and place Soobin’s head onto your chest, giving him the space to grieve too.

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for any of this.” You say firmly in a tone that brokers no argument.

He's been preparing for this for some time and I was just too dumb to realize. It's all my fault. Is what you want to say. I shouldn't have let him back in. It's my punishment for how I hurt you. I don't deserve you.

But you don’t say any of that. You can’t waste your last moments with Soobin talking about Beomgyu. You won’t give him that.

Instead, you fill them with proclamations of how much you love him. How you’ll never stop loving him. And Soobin cries harder, meeting your every forceful confession with one of his own.

__________

You don’t know how long you lay there, professing your love for each other until your throat hurts, before you hear your apartment door getting knocked down and footsteps rushing around the apartment looking for you. You and Soobin hold tightly onto each other but it’s no use. They find you and they tear you apart.

You sob quietly while Soobin wails, begging not to be separated from you. But then a loud slap resounds inside the bathroom and the both of you freeze. “Look what she’s done to you. You’re a damn mess.”

“Go with him, Soobin.” You rush to say, braving the scathing look his father gives you in order to protect Soobin from further harm.

“But, darling--” Soobin doesn’t get to finish his sentence, as with a sharp jerk of his head, Soobin’s father puts the order for your fiance to be dragged away, kicking and screaming.

Soon only you and Soobin’s father are left in the bathroom. The man advances on you and you cower but you don’t have much space to retreat inside the bathtub, no matter how big it is.

He doesn’t deign to say a word to you. He just grabs your hand and rips off the engagement ring--the prized Choi family heirloom that was handed down countless generations before it was bestowed upon you by Soobin. Only for it to now be ripped from your hand by Soobin’s father, a silent but final rejection as you get left behind.

You faintly hear the sound of your phone ringing throughout the whole thing, your own family no doubt having a fit trying to contact you. But you don’t move from your spot. You just wait for them to come collect you and do with you as they will. It doesn’t matter now. You’ve lost everything.

________________________

Your family was devastated by the news. Some of them were disappointed in you, the others were mad, but all of them blamed you for the catastrophic blow the company has suffered because of the news.

You've brought dishonor to the family name and brand. How could they possibly show their faces to the public after what you’ve done?

There was only one possible solution.

Their harsh words cut at you, but you were numb. The only thing you could think of while they hurled insults and blame at you is how Soobin was doing, and if his own family were hurting him or if they were treating him as the victim. You hope it's the latter. You hope they pin all the blame on you and Beomgyu, and not do to him what your own family is doing to you.

You tried contacting him multiple times, just to check on how he was doing, but your messages never made it through.

News made it to the mainstream media fast and Soobin’s family came out almost immediately to announce the resolution of the engagement, maintaining that their son was the victim here and to please protect his privacy.

Soobin himself was nowhere to be seen.

The public ate you up alive. They called you whore, bitch, cruel, ungrateful, every name under the sun. They denounced the apparent perfection of what your life was and talked about how you truly never know what someone is like as if they weren’t the one who pushed that image on you.

Videos of Soobin getting dragged from your shared apartment soon surface despite his family's effort to keep them hidden, but they just paint him in a more favorable light--the devoted fiance who refuses to leave his lover even after all the wicked things she's done.

The reactions to Beomgyu are mixed, with some blaming him as a homewrecker, calling him a jealous gold digger who only came out with this information because he was scorned after your wedding announcement, while others totally viewed him as your other victim, a poor boy who fell for a heartless witch.

Only you were unanimously reviled.

Everything was ruined. Your engagement. Your relationship with your family. Your future as the heir to the company. Even the ability to live in your own country. You've become a pariah.

You felt hopeless and helpless. Your life was over and there was only one person to blame.

_________________

It takes you a few more days to meet up with the cause of your downfall, and he greets you with a smile.

"Took you long enough."

You move past him, silently making your way to his bed.

"Are you happy with what you did?"

"Yes." He says and you push him on the bed. He looks up at you, shamelessly continuing on, "You played with me. You didn't care how I felt just so you can get what you want. How is it like getting a taste of your own medicine?"

"I never lied to you, Beomgyu.” You repeat the same sentence you’d said to him again and again, not expecting the response to be any different this time. “You chose to delude yourself and now you've ruined my life over your obsession. You're sick in the head."

"Maybe I am. But you have to admit I'm smart too--hiding that camera in the bunny's eyes? That’s genius! It had a perfect view of everything that went on and you never even had a chance of catching it." He grins, happy with himself. "It's also kinda poetic, don't you think?"

“Is this funny to you?”

He loses his smile as easily as he had put it on. “No, but it was necessary."

"Necessary? Breaking off my engagement to the man I love was necessary?" His jaw ticks when you say you love Soobin, and you want to punch him in the face for it. "Do you even realize the full extent of what you’ve done to me? To my future? My family? All because you're a selfish little boy who can't accept that his obsessive love isn't reciprocated."

He looks the other way. "I didn’t have any other option.”

“So you don’t regret it?” You had to know. You had to be sure. You were giving him an out, he just had to take it.

But he looks back at you and smiles, shaking his head. “You’re here, no?”

And that seals his fate.

You get on the bed, grabbing his face and kissing him. You can kiss him now. You weren’t promised to someone else anymore, and you’re going to kiss him until you get your fill.

His cocky attitude easily slips away and he kisses you back eagerly. "I missed you so--ahhh--much." He effuses.

Clearly you weren’t kissing him hard enough if he can still talk. So you wind your hand in his hair and press his face even closer to yours, taking over his mouth completely and drinking him up. He slumps in your arms, submitting and letting you steal the breath from him, happily letting out little moans and pants as his mind clouds up.

You only pull back when you can’t breathe anymore, and as you move away, he tries to chase after you, seemingly unconcerned with his own need to breathe, but you put a hand to his chest and stop him.

“Give me your phone.”

He cocks his head to the side, suspicion breaking through the haziness of his expression. “Why?”

"You like sharing everything with your fans, don't you? We don't want them to miss this."

He blanches at your nonchalant explanation. If he lets you do what you’re suggesting, he'll be ruining everything he’s built on his channel with his own hands. No one will take him seriously again. He'll just be known as the boy who got fucked on live.

"You don't have to do it, but I'm not staying if you won’t." You tell him, and he gulps. The choice is clear--either you or everything he’s worked for.

With a shaking hand, he gets his phone out of his pocket.

“Unlock it.” You order and he does before handing it to you.

“Good boy.” You say, searching for the streaming app on his phone and opening it.

He reaches out for your hand, meekly holding onto it as he whispers your name. “Please.”

“You want me to leave?” You ask coldly, shaking his hand off. He shuts up, chewing on his lip nervously as he watches you open a live stream.

You point the camera at him, letting it move over his body as the confused audience starts gathering. And even though the live has just begun, you can tell that his fan base has grown much bigger than the last time you’d been on his channel, and you would’ve felt pride if it weren’t for how much you despise him now.

Once there is a significant number of watchers, you pan the camera to his face, propping his chin up so he's looking right at it.

"Welcome everyone." you announce.

A stream of comments asking who you are fill the chat.

“Why don’t you guess.” You say conspiratorially.

What's going on? Are you that cheating bitch?

You read the comment out loud before giggling. "That’s me."

What the fuck is happening?

"Good question, gyuslover. Great name by the way.” You mock, “Since so many of you liked Beomgyu’s previous video-- particularly the little teaser he shared without my permission-- I thought I might as well give you the real show?"

Crazy bitch.

What are you gonna do to him?

Don’t touch him.

“I’m afraid I have to. Come on, Gyu. Why don't you take your clothes off for your adoring fans, baby?" You instruct and he looks at you pleadingly. You tsk. “What did we agree on, pup?”

Beomgyu takes in a shuddering breath and obliges, removing his clothes one by one, so slow in his nervousness, but that’s just how you wanted it anyway.

"Keep the boxers on. I know we all know you can't help being easy but we can't give them everything right away." You say scathingly, and the comments fill up with hate towards you, calling you all kinds of names for doing this to him but you don’t care. “Oh fuck off with your high horse. He can stop any time if he wants to. So either leave or enjoy the fucking show because I know how much you bitches have been secretly fantasizing about this.”

One comment catches your eyes among the swarm of people swearing at you.

I don’t care, I’m going to say it. He looks so sexy like this.

And a follow up.

Fuck, his nipples are so pretty.

You read them outloud to Beomgyu and even though he has his head turned away, you can see the blush on his cheek.

"They are pretty, aren't they?" You agree, your fingers circling the dusky perked buds. "Wanna see how sensitive they are?" You brush your fingers over them and he gasps, arching his back.

Quickly, he bites down on his lips to keep his noises down.

"Aw, look how shy your baby boy is." You coo and his eyes snap to yours.

"Not theirs. Only yours." He mumbles defiantly.

“Don’t be rude, baby. These are your fans you’re talking to. You need to be more grateful.” You scold him, pinching his nipple lightly and he yelps. "Why don't you send him some encouragement, babes? I'm sure he'll be more enthusiastic if he sees you participate. After all, he's always put on a good show for you."

More people start playing along, overtaking the outraged comments. One of them even sends in a tip and a message starts playing.

Show us his dick.

Beomgyu winces and you laugh, “Someone is impatient.”

You pull back and move the camera down towards his bulge. Cupping his balls, you fondle them through his boxers, smirking as a drop of precum oozes through the fabric where the head of his dick is.

Another tip comes in and a message plays.

Don’t tease us, bitch.

"I'll only give you more if you ask nicely. If you won't I'll just stop the stream and have all the fun by myself." You threaten the fans as you stroke your hand up his shaft, neglecting the head and watching as the drop transforms into a big patch.

"Please. Turn it off." Beomgyu pleads.

“Oh, he wants me to turn off the live. Should I? Or do you want me to keep going?” You ask the viewers, playing with the waistband of his boxers and teasing them, pushing it down to reveal his v-line and the base of his dick before pulling it up again. “Why don’t you guys decide?”

“Baby, please.” Beomgyu starts tearing up.

"What’s wrong, Gyu? Don't you trust your fans? I’m sure they’ll make the right choice. They love you, don’t they? They respect you."

A few commenters do demand that you turn off the live. They tell everyone to report it and to get it taken down. But those have become the minority as most commenters start abandoning their moral compass and giving in to their twisted desires to see the pretty boy they’ve been crushing on get played with in front of their eyes, a chance they know they won’t have again.

The breaking point is when someone sends in a tip and a message starts playing. Please don’t turn it off. Show us his cock. We’ll be good.

“Aw, how cute. They’re as obedient as their star. You heard them, pet. They want to see your cock.” You inform him, pulling his boxers down to reveal his dick completely, and a single tear breaks off of Beomgyu’s eyelashes and falls down his face.

No one notices though, all of them only focusing on his now exposed dick, the tips spiking.

It's so red.

Dirty boy.

He’s so excited. He must love this.

“He does. Wanna see how I had him wrapped around my finger?” You ask them, your fingers brushing over Beomgyu’s cock, and it twitches at the light touch. “As you know I took him as a virgin and I trained him well.”

The thirsty comments have drowned out all the others by now, and they all eagerly ask you to show them.

“Well, I like to keep my touches light.” You say as you loosely wrap your hand around his cock, stroking it deliberately. “It sounds counterintuitive but It makes him extra sensitive this way. You also don’t want to overwhelm him. I made that mistake when I first got him and he made a mess everywhere.”

You’re talking about him like he’s a pet and not a person. He’s painted you that way to his fans and to the general public so who are you to go against that oh-so-flattering image?

It’s been a while since you’ve touched him, and it doesn’t take long for Beomgyu to start feeling it. Little moans of pleasure escape him despite the hand he has clamped over his own mouth, and he looks up at you with puppy eyes, arousal heavy in them.

"He's such a pretty pup, isn't he?" You remove your hand from his dick to take his own hand off his mouth. You stroke his cheek for a second, and he leans into your touch before you take it away, moving it back to his cock to start jerking him off again and leaving a glistening stain on his cheek from the precum.

Even with how lightly you’re touching him, he still gets close within a few minutes.

“He’s getting a little too excited.” You inform the viewers, “We can’t have him cum yet.”

Beomgyu whines at that, but you ignore him, continuing, “There is a good trick for that. You just gotta do this.” You stop stroking him and give his balls a light slap, making his legs jerk closed as he yelps.

“Down boy.” You push his legs back down, and administer a few more slaps to his balls, staunching his impending orgasm off. “There, all fixed. Now you can continue playing with him.”

You resume the movement of your hand over his cock, and he grabs onto your wrist, not stopping you but trying to get your attention.

"Please. Kiss me." He looks at you hopefully, needing you to give him the slightest hint of affection, to stop treating him like a prop and reassure him that you still care for him. But you won’t. He did this to himself when he decided to tell all those lies about you.

You twist your hand around his, grabbing it and pressing it to the bed pointedly, silently telling to keep it there before you go back to stroking his cock.

“He’s really sensitive here.” You say, wrapping your thumb and index finger around the base of his head and moving them ever so slightly in a small vibrating movement over his frenulum. “This drives him crazy.”

You didn’t really need to say it as Beomgyu himself shows how much it affects him when he quickly loses himself to the pleasure and struggles to not wiggle or move away. "Yeah--ahhh--please---feels so good."

You don't even acknowledge his begging, just silently continuing to stimulate his dick until he can’t take it anymore. “Ahh--ahh--can I cum---fuck--”

You instantly remove your hand from his dick and give his balls a firm smack, cutting off his high.

“No! No, no no…” Beomgyu cries, his hands fisting in the sheets to keep from jerking off his dick himself.

As he calms down, you grab his balls, stroking them between your fingers and showing them off to the camera. "Look how tight and swollen his balls are. Baby boy is so ready to cum for you." You tap his balls lightly, meaning to demonstrate how full they were. What you didn’t expect is for his dick to dribble a little with every tap you give his balls.

"I can't--" Beomgyu chokes, his legs shaking with the effort to keep them open.

"Did you just seriously squirt?" You sneer, focusing the camera on the string of cum still attached to his tip.

"I'm sorry. I missed you so much---It---it was too much." He sniffles as his dick finally stops leaking.

"That's the problem with little dumb virgins like him, they can't themselves." You lament to the viewers and Beomgyu whines pathetically as if to prove your point. "More… please."

“Insatiable too.” You add.

Getting off the bed, you remove your panties from under your skirt. You hear a quiet curse and look up to see Beomgyu propped up on his elbows, watching you. You snort, straddling his lap and pressing your cunt over his dick. You can’t tell who’s arousal it is making that loud obscene wet sound as you move your hips over him, rubbing your pussy over his dick.

But just as he begins grinding against you too, you prop yourself up on your knees and hover over him. "Let's test the puppy's training, shall we? Come on, puppy, raise your hips and hump my pussy. But don't you dare put it in."

With a strangled mewl, Beomgyu raises his hips up to meet yours and he starts moving his dick between your lips.

“That’s a good boy.” You shudder, your knees wobbling a bit under you, and Beomgyu grabs onto your hips to steady you before he drives his dick harder against you, his hips canting off the bed to reach your pussy. You gasp as the hard length rubs against your clit and your hand shoots forward to grab onto his shoulder, your nails digging into the skin there.

But Beomgyu doesn’t care. In fact it only eggs him on more, his moans increasing in volume and frequency as he frantically humps you. “Ahh--princess---you feel so good---ngh--princess--”

You want to put your hand over his mouth and shut him up. He’s not allowed to call you that anymore. But you can’t remove your hand from his shoulder without risking crashing over him so you just close your eyes and concentrate on the feeling of his hot, hard length grinding against your needy pussy.

"Please, can I put it in?" He begs, his gaps filling the room.

"No."

“Please, just for a second.” He cries, pushing his hips up hard and his cock catches on your entrance, his hips automatically chasing your heat, but you’re quicker, sitting all the way up and laughing as he growls in frustration. “Whoops, that almost went in.”

Let him put it in.

Let him fuck you. He’s being good.

You snort at the comments. “You’re all so weak. He begs a little and you’re ready to give him everything he asks for. This is why I have him humping me like a dog while you are stuck watching behind a screen and jerking off to it.”

“You’re so cruel.” Beomgyu blubbers.

“That’s the story.” You mutter bitterly, pushing the camera in his flushed and panting face. "Look at your beloved star, whining like a bitch. This is who he really is, a whore who ruins people's lives for his own selfishness.” You grab him by the hair, pulling his head off the bed. Are you sorry?"

“No.” His wet smile takes you off guard. After all of this, he’s still smiling. He still has no remorse. And once again you’re made into a fool for thinking you got to him. “Did I lie?"

‘Yes, you did.’ You want to scream at him, at everyone watching. ‘I didn't cheat on Soobin.’

But you can't. You have to protect him so you keep quiet. The only weapons you can use are Beomgyu’s own underhanded tactics.

"I get why you did this.” You say, letting his head drop back to the bed carelessly, and it’s his turn to look at you in confusion and worry, probably wondering if you’ll reveal everything after all. But of course you won’t. “The view are going crazy. I bet you never had this kind of audience before. You've finally found something you're good at."

Hurt splashes on his face like cold water. Good. He deserves to feel pain.

Grabbing his dick, you place it at your entrance and unceremoniously sink down on it. He gasps at the sudden snug and warm feeling of your walls around his dick, his body arching under you and his mouth hanging open.

You keep the camera on his face. "Feels good?"

"Y-yeah…"

You start moving, still focusing on the pleasure rippling over his face.

What a little whore. Why were you being such a tease before?

Disgusting. If I had known he was like this, I wouldn’t have been his fan.

Not me. If I had known he was like this, I would’ve demanded for him to take his clothes off already.

You smirk at the comments. "Your fans are going feral over this, huh? But I guess it’s not a surprise. After all, isn’t this what all dumb boys like you are good for, being fucked on camera for everyone's pleasure?” You ask, riding him faster and squeezing out stuttering moans from him. “Say it."

Beomgyu’s lower lip wobbles as he holds his tears back and he shakes his head. So you stop.

"No, please! More… please!" He sobs pathetically.

"Say it."

He obeys quickly this time. "Dumb boys like me are only good for being fucked on camera."

Fuck, that's hot.

You should become a full time camboy. It's not like anyone will watch anything else a slut like you puts out

You laugh cruelly at the comments, fuck him again. "You should've seen him before I popped his cherry. He was so arrogant and defiant but look at him now. Just a sex-crazed slut. Isn’t that right, baby?"

“Yes.” He gasps, “Your sex-crazed slut.”

Even till now, he remains defiant.

"Can I cum?"

“I don’t know. Do you guys wanna see his cum face?" You ask the viewers and a slew of tips and messages come in.

Yes.

No, want him to cry.

Need to see him cum.

Yes, let him cum.

"Should I let him cum inside or on himself?"

Beomgyu rushes to answer first. "Inside… please wanna cum inside."

But most of the comments say they wanna see him cum on himself. "Sorry, pet, they wanna see you make a mess of yourself."

He starts protesting so you stuff two fingers into his mouth to shut him up. "Never let your pet talk back to you.” You instruct the viewers, riding the boy faster until he’s right on the edge before getting off him and ruining his orgasm.

Even through your fingers, his cries are clear.

“Aw baby, did that hurt?” You fake sympathy, “Poor pup, let me make it better.”

You take his dick in your hand and put it in you again.

“Wait sensitive--”

But you don’t wait, riding him at a ruthless pace right away. You’re so incredibly horny by now, and you want your own orgasm. Beomgyu struggles under you and you can’t hold him still with one hand. So, frustrated, you throw your phone away and use both your hands to grab onto Beomgyu’s shoulders and pin him down, your hips bouncing wildly over his, filling the room with slapping noises.

You ignore the barrage of messages telling you that they can’t see and to put the camera on Beomgyu again but you block them out, only focusing on Beomgyu’s returning pleasure and his breathless moans, using them and the sight of him wrecked so beautifully under you to build up to your high.

“I’m so close--” Beomgyu groans, his own hands grabbing onto your waist and pushing you down to meet his thrusts.

“Okay. You can cum inside this time.” You only need to say those words for him to lose it, exploding inside you as he screams out.

“Thank you, thank you.” He heaves, mouth hanging open. "I love you so much!"

You don't stop when he comes though, continuing to ride him and chasing your own orgasm as his moans turn to pained whimpers.

"Ahh no more. I already came." He sniffles from the oversensitivity, and his body spasms under you. "Please, I can't stop cumming---please--it’s ahh--too much---"

His pathetic whimpers push you over the edge and your pussy clamps around him, milking his poor spent cock of any remaining drop of cum inside him. You look down on his to see his eyes glazed up and his expression distant, looking like you’d truly fucked him dumb this time.

Through the haze of pleasure, you have the presence of mind grab the phone to attempt to capture his face, but as you look at the screen, you notice that the live stream has been shut off and a message is displayed in its place.

"Oh, looks like your account has been suspended."

Beomgyu musters whatever energy is left in his body to grab the phone from you to take a look.

"Fuck." His curses, head slumping back on the bed. You can see his mind working overtime as he processes the loss. This channel was his outlet, his way to express himself and to connect with people who make him feel like he matters. To lose it is to take a huge blow to his anchor and sense of self worth.

But even if his account wasn't suspended, he would have never been able to go back to posting his regular content. More than that, he probably won’t even be able to find a decent job now that his sex tape is plastered all over the internet.

"Sorry." You say, not sorry at all.

"You’re not sorry.” He states the obvious, and when he opens his eyes, you’re surprised by the lack of anger in them as he reaches out to caress your arm. "I know you did this to punish me and I'm okay with it. If that's the price I had to pay then I accept. At least you're here now."

You stare at him blankly. You should say it now. You should deliver the killing blow. You should be excited about it too. But all you feel is emptiness. Because once you do it, what will you have left? Nothing. Not even Beomgyu.

"What--what is it?" He notices your silence. "You're scaring me."

“I'm leaving the country tonight.” You tell him monotonously, and he springs up, holding onto you as if you’re going to walk out right now. "What?"

"My parents are sending me away.”

“Why?” He asks incredulously, like he doesn’t actually know, and that makes you laugh.

“You have no clue what you’ve done, do you?” You scream hysterically, staring into his clueless eyes. “Do you have any idea how much money the company lost because of what you did? People are boycotting our brand all over the country, Beomgyu. My family has no choice but to basically disown me to save the company. I’m supposed to be the heir, but my younger sibling has to take over and I have to be exiled somewhere far away from here to calm everyone down.”

“But you’ll come back, right?” He asks stupidly.

“Not with what I just did. That, baby, was for you.” You smile humorously, “Congratulations. You've fucked up both our lives for nothing."

“But…” Beomgyu whispers, grappling to accept what you’re telling him. "You can't leave me.."

"That's all you care about?!” You explode at him. “God, Beomgyu, do you even think about anyone but yourself for a second?

"No, that’s not true." He shakes his head, “I think about you. You’re all I think about.”

“Yes, but only in a way that suits you. I've been honest with you since day one but it never got through your thick skull. You are so obsessed with me, you decided you'll have me no matter what the cost is. You stripped me of everything so I would have nowhere to turn but to you."

He shakes his head harder, choked-out cries breaking out of him in wheezes. “No. I only wanted Soobin out of the picture.”

“Well, he’s out of the picture.” You cup his face, stopping his denial. "But I want you to know that even if I had no option but you, I still wouldn't have chosen you. So cheer up, Beomgyu. At least now you got the satisfaction of having fucked up my life. You finally got your revenge on me."

"That's not what I wanted." He insists, his tears running hot under your palms and you push him back in disgust. "Don't lie! At least be a man and own up to it."

"It's not Iike that!"

"So if you knew that this was gonna happen, would you have let me be with soobin without sabotaging our relationship?"

He grows silent at that.

"Exactly. You're an obsessive, selfish little boy and that's why I'll never love you."

His eyes widen and he flings his arms around you, holding onto you tight. "Don't say that please."

You try to move away from him but his hold on you won’t loosen. "Take it back. Please. Don't leave me like this. Just… just say it once. Tell me you love me. That's all I want."

"But I never loved you, Beomgyu."

You feel all the willpower drain from his body, his grip growing weak around you to the point where you easily push him off. His arms turn inward, wrapping around his own body to hold himself together, and he doesn’t even try to meet your eyes as you get off the bed, just staring at the floor blankly.

You leave him like that, rocking himself back and forth, eyes dead and empty. You feel as forlorn as he looks as you leave his apartment, the road to your future, once looking so bright and sunny, now crumbling from right under your feet. And as the void beneath laps at your feet ominously, you contemplate just jumping in and surrendering yourself to it completely.

_____________________

A/N: aaaaaand close the curtains. leave a message hoes I worked so hard on this. did you see it coming?

and to my femdom hoes, see if you can tell where tutorial parts of this video come from

#txt smut #dom!reader #sub!idol

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eremiie · 3 years

Text

a change of heart;

❥ nsfw | 6.1k words | eren x reader

❥ an annoyingly arrogant childhood friend has never seen the light of day in your eyes... until he does. eren jaeger was an anomaly that you thought you had figured out.

❥ content: cum play, choking, slight size kink, rough sex, unprotected sex

saying you liked eren was an understatement. you weren't fond of the boy— like at all.

it was something about him that you couldn't pinpoint, maybe it was the way he always had something smart to say back to you when you made the littlest comments, the way his eyebrows were always furrowed together as if he was constantly upset with you, the way he was just so aggressive— a handful if you must. you never liked the way he acted towards you, or anybody else for that matter so you never tried your luck at getting close to him.

or... maybe you didn't like that slight way your eyes widened when you first met him, or that run of his eyes over you on your first meeting. or was it the way you somewhat hoped to get into an argument with him just so you could bicker? something about your arguments thrilled you and sent a feeling you couldn't pinpoint through your body.

nevertheless, the bigger issue at hand was the fact that you couldn't seem to escape eren jaeger.

you were so unlucky and were deemed even unluckier when your mom happened to be the sweetest person on earth. she was the kind to bake a welcoming gift for the neighbors on your street, the kind to knock next door and ask in a sickeningly sweet voice for extra sugar for a recipe she was whipping up.

she'd done both of these things to your next door neighbor, which happened to be carla, carla jaeger.

once again, unluckily carla also happened to be such a sweet mom and you almost felt bad that she was blessed (cursed) with eren jaeger as a son. she was the type to bake something in return and gladly give you a small container of sugar that you would promise to bring back.

she'd done both of these things for your mom.

there advances were so continuous, and over the course of a couple years they became the most best friends imaginable, indulging in every mom-ly activity you could imagine together. this only forced you and eren to spend every unwanted second together.

you knew eren for only a couple years, yes, and you could still remember when his hair was just draped above his shoulders, an awkward length that you never failed to make weak jokes at just to see him get mad. but what you didn't know— or failed to realize that he would get even more annoying then the first time you met him.

maybe you were getting annoyed with the fact that his hair was no longer that awkward length and you couldn't throw the same lame jokes at him, because the length that it was at now? where it touched his shoulders and he threw it back into this awfully messy bun. maybe you were getting annoyed with the fact that now he was older and more occupied with the summer before college, you weren't forced to spend as much time with him, so you didn't see him much.

over these couple years though, your mom (being the doll she is) never failed to throw an annual barbecue that of course, carla always came to, not only did she come but they practically planned it together and had you and eren help out, unwillingly. they claimed it was an opportunity for you and eren to "actually get a long." because trust me— they knew about the tension between the two of you that they tried to break for years.

one of those annual barbecues seemed to be today, at the very minute, actually. you were standing next to eren, both of you with a tray of food in your hands as you awaited instructions, an irritated expression crossing both of your faces.

"okay, take those over to the buffet table you two, and then before you guys go crawl away to god knows where, one of you grab some utensils, napkins and plates and lay them down at the end of the table, and one of you turn on the speaker, guests will be flooding in soon." you chuckled at carla's comment. that's one thing you and eren had in common— the two of you almost completely hating this event if it wasn't for the good food. you would always sneak away to your room and eren would sit in your chair and mind his business while you'd lay on your bed doing your own thing. "and tell your mom i need her, _____!"

it was never an uncomfortable silence— no, as a matter of fact it wasn't always silent, lots of aimless arguments would arise and sometimes, eren would get really angry, but he never dared to leave the safety of your room rather than be surrounded by adults who claimed they'd known him since he was little.

"what?" eren asked you as you reminisced on the thought while the two of you began walking.

you glanced up at him, snapped out of your own head, him already peering down at you with furrowed brows and a slight frown on his face. "none of your business." that's not even what you meant to say but a smart retort was almost instinctive when it came to eren.

albeit your smart response he didn't send one back as he usually would, he just rolled his eyes and sat the food down on the buffet table, you doing the same. "i'll grab utensils and shit." you murmured in slight embarrassment from your quick comment eliciting no reaction. eren didn't look your direction, so you took that as a hint that he heard you as his body headed towards the direction of the old speaker that you knew'd be blasting old "parent" tunes.

you head inside, the smell of food grilling leaving your senses and the something in the midst of being baked filling them instead. you turned the corner of the dining room to enter the kitchen, your mom closing the oven after checking on the brownies baking. "hey, sweetheart, how's it going?" she asked you, smiling when she caught sight of you, all dressed nicely too, which was rare from your usual style; the black slip dress you wore coming mid thigh and lightly hugging your body. you were only wearing socks though, you didn't see the point in walking around in shoes when you'd just be retreating to the hole of your room and lounging around for as long as possible until your mom called you to help some more or to greet someone familiar.

"fine, me and eren just put down the last of the food already cooked. i'm about to set up cutlery and sh— stuff." your mom raised her eyebrow before nodding her head and watching you open up the cabinet at your feet to grab the grocery bag full of a new box of paper plates and napkins." all for the "save the turtles!" magnet your mom had pinned on the refrigerator. "hey, where are the plastic cutlery?" you asked, questioning its lack of presence in the plastic bag.

your mom turned her head towards you, from where she was wiping at her hands. "hm? oh! sorry, honey— i placed them in that cabinet up there because we had extras from that one family get together we had a couple weeks back.”

ah, yes. you remembered that family get together. despite it being family, somehow carla and eren found their way into the gathering, and not to mention that being one of the last times you saw eren, and one of the most embarrassing times.

you see, the argument you had gotten in with eren that time was over him accidentally walking into your room in the middle of you changing for the event. you had yelled at him even though it was an accident, and that was one of the first times eren didn't try his hardest to win that argument, his face too flushed red, and his apologies and excuses seeming to not calm down your anger that hid your embarrassment.

but geez, for days after you were reminiscing on the drag of his eyes going down your back and over your ass before flickering back up to your eyes and only then realizing the situation at hand. you were just happy the encounter didn't make the next time you were seeing him, being now, too awkward.

your eyes drifted towards the cabinet above your head, the one your mom was eyeing at, and you sighed. "okay, thanks, and by the way miss carla wants you." your mom's eyes widened before she placed down the rag in her hands and scurried out the kitchen. you heard her speak a few words to someone but you weren't paying much attention as your fingertips began to reach upwards to pull at the cabinet doors. when it swung open a groan left your lips when you almost immediately spotted the brightest blue box of plastic cutlery at the top shelf.

"okay, _____... you can't reach that." you opted for climbing on top of the counter, and you did despite you wearing a dress, the fabric stretching as you propped yourself up on the surface, knees together while you used your hand to try and reach for the box.

your hand barely grazed it, but that didn't matter as eren's hands reached it for you, his back pressed against yours as he used his tippy toes and the stretch of his fingertips to knock the box down and grab it in the air before it could drop to the ground. the warmth of him behind you disappeared as he backed up and looked you over from your position on the counter. "if you couldn't reach it you should've had me get the stuff."

it was your turn to roll your eyes, heat rising to your cheeks before you climbed off the counter slowly and adjusted your dress. "shut up."

eren's arm came out to hand you the box. "since when did you start wearing dresses?" he asked abruptly, once again, those thick brows coming together in curiosity as you grabbed the box from his hands, stepping forward slightly.

"i've been wearing dresses, you're just too dumb to notice." your own gaze gave eren a once-over. he never dressed formally for any of these events like your mom made you. carla could never seem to get him into anything nice. plain black jeans with an almost too tight white shirt, and you could never fail to mention the key necklace draped around his neck that he once told you his dad gave him when you had asked "why do you always have that stupid necklace on?" he had gotten really defensive and only today you realized how insensitive that comment may have been considering the fact that he rarely saw his dad— as did you. you could only recall seeing the man twice, and at one time was at one of the barbecues. "i wore one... last time."

eren's eyes went up to the ceiling as he recalled "last time" realization dawning on his face, but before you could wait for his reply you were walking past him with your head pointed towards the ground as you told him, "you can go ahead and go up to my room, i'm gonna go put these down." and he watched you walk away before scratching his chin and doing just that.

you did what you had to do, placing down the cutlery and slipping past both your mother and carla before they could get you to do anything else.

when you opened the door to your room you were surprised to see eren sitting on your bed, shoes kicked off at the edge. you narrowed your eyes at him as he looked up from his phone at you. "what? your chair's broken." your eyes glanced to the chair that sat idle near your desk before you remembered— it was broken— no it wasn't broken, one of the wheels had just been screwed off and you nor your mom had the patience to fix it.

you lowered your suspicions at eren and merely nodded your head. you really didn't mind actually, the chair was eren's self proclaimed spot, he continued to sit their his self after the first barbecue, you never actually told him to.

"wow, i'm surprised you're not throwing a tantrum." he scoffed as you climbed onto your bed stomach flopping down next to eren who was propped up against your wall. your dress had ridden up in the slightest but you made no efforts to fix it, and you didn't make an effort to grab your phone either which was sat on your desk.

your arms held up your head, elbows on the bed as you looked up at eren with a raise of your eyebrow much like your mom. "you can get out." you half joked, eren looking down at you with lagoon green eyes.

"so you can leave me down to suffer with all those people? hell no, i'd surprisingly rather be up here with you."

you tilted your head at eren. "oh? why the change of heart?"

his stare sent a prickly sensation up your bare arms, and you turned over to your side so that your one arm propped up your head, your other draped across your waist. this was basically the first time you had a simple conversation without the two of you bothering each other, the first time you were somewhat amused by the words coming out of his mouth.

where was the old eren jaeger? this new eren jaeger couldn't help but think you looked... good, not to say he's never thought this before; the subconscious thought always in the back of his head, but now it was prevalent to him. the straps of your black dress so thin, and the way it hugged your body in the slightest was almost tantalizing. you didn't seem to be wearing a bra either, he could tell by the lack of support and straps. "huh?" you added when he didn't respond right away, eren's eyes snapping back up to your face.

he whipped up a quick response; "there wasn't a change of heart. you know i'm always up here... and you're tolerable today." he placed down his phone, interested in the conversation at hand. something was laced between your words, almost taunting, almost aware, more aware than you were earlier when the two of you had that encounter in the kitchen, more aware than you were when he accidentally walked in on you a couple weeks prior.

you felt confident today, you weren't sure if it was the mere maturity between the two of you that seemed to just decide to pop up today, you weren't sure if it was eren's new attitude, or if it was your attire that gave you the confidence you possessed. you always enjoyed you and eren's arguments, you loved seeing him riled, but today the snark to his own comments instead of him getting completely heated sent an even better thrill, if you could call it, down your spine. "hm, then it's not surprising you'd rather be up here with me, jaeger... and what makes me more tolerable today?"

eren let his eyes roll to the back of his head for a split second before deciding that the best response to that question would be no answer, lying wasn't healthy anyways.

"what? is it the fact that i started wearing dresses?" you mocked his earlier words, your hand flying up to create quotations in the air.

that was one reason.

"trying to get your little dick wet eren? that little blondie wasn't doing it for you, yeah?" you joked, but the way his eyebrow twitched and his eyes darkened, lowering as a very small smirk formed on his face told you maybe your joke was more than that to him.

he let out another small scoff, face turning away from you so his jawline was visible, the tiny brown hairs that wouldn't fit in his ponytail skimming his neck and forehead before he side eyed you, then turning his head back to you and not even noticing how he scooted forward as he brought his knee up for his arm to rest on. "little?" was all he could manage to get out. he wasn't gonna lie— your comments felt quicker today, and they were catching him a little off guard.

you flipped back onto your stomach before sliding your upper body and shuffling forward to sit back on your knees diagonal from eren. you weren't gonna lie— eren's comments felt quicker today, and they were catching you a little off guard. "did i lie?"

"yeah."

"i beg to differ."

eren's hand went to his thigh. even though his dick was on the other leg, semi-hard, he wanted to tease you with the leg closer, rubbing up and down the fabric of his jeans. "wanna see then?"

your eyes glanced down to his lap and widened, jesus— this was not the eren you knew, nor the eren you expected tonight. you let yourself fall backwards onto your pillows, grabbing one throw pillow and placing it over your face as you hid your true expression. although your voice was muffled you let out an "jaeger, stop! i'm supposed to hate you."

the bed dipped underneath you as eren shuffled forward until he was peering down at you again, grabbing the pillow with one hand, your hand flying up to grab his wrist, then his coming up to pry your fingers off him. after a small tussle he pinned your hand to the bed, grabbing the pillow and chucking it off the bed to see your face.

your lips were shriveled in an embarrassing smile and you turned your head away from eren, only then realizing the presence of his cold gold pendant tickling your chest, and how close he actually was, his thigh pressed up against your side, and his untucked hairs gravitating towards you. those green-blue eyes seemed even more intimidating up close, and the dangerous slight upturn of the corner of his lips didn't seem to help in you feeling small under him.

eren jaeger, an anomaly. who knew people could change right before your eyes.

"jaeger," you brought your other hand to his chest, pushing at his sternum with as much force as possible which didn't budge him, eren only grabbing your other hand with a low chuckle and placing it above your head, bringing both of your hands together and keeping them there with one wrist. you let out a soft whine of the word "move," that made eren's lip twitch before you brought your foot up to kick him.

"kick me and i swear, ______—" and so you did— well at least you tried, eren grabbing your ankle and holding your flailing limb. you guys looked insanely stupid, and it made your little whines turn into small laughs that seemed to be contagious as eren began to laugh too. your body went limp as you soon realized that eren was pretty strong, which the old eren wasn't.

he let go of your leg, dropping it to the bed on the other side of him so he was sitting between them. "i'll let go if you admit that you don't actually hate me." a small goofy grin was on his face and it made you reciprocate.

"nope," you popped the p, eren quirking his brow at you before letting his eyes wander down. he had you in quite a position; your legs on either side of him, your hands pinned together, and your dress scrunched up just enough so he could see the black underwear you adorned. you watched his eyes trail back up, stopping at your lips, his tongue sliding over his own before coming back up to your eyes. "but it's obvious you don't hate me."

eren let out a small laugh and your stomach churned— so did his.

"nope," he popped his p just like you. "that's just some weird shit we were on when we were younger... you're not that bad." he hummed, leaning down a bit so he was hovering over your face, and god did he look amazing.

maybe he was right— maybe it was just one of those weird things that leave with age, and you were fine with it leaving, especially if it gave you the eren jaeger in front of you right now. your lips parted in effort for you to speak but you choked on your own words, not sure what to say. but you didn't have to say much because just like eren, you let your realization hit you on how he had you, how he looked, and your gaze stopped at his lips too. he took that as his cue— his face inching way too close, but not like you minded.

"the way you're looking at me doesn't seem like it, ______."

you squeezed your legs on his sides as you felt the fabric of his jeans rub against you from the proximity. "well, i—" he didn't let you finish his lips connecting with yours and you almost forget how to kiss for a moment, eren's lips being the only ones moving until he let go of your hands and you cradled his jaw, kissing him back just as fervently.

eren hummed against your lips in content, them beginning to move together as if the two of you were made for each other. something felt like it was lifted off your chest, and you really relished in the moment at hand. one of eren's hand coming up to your hair and pushing your head more towards him, the kiss becoming rougher while his other hand settled at your side gripping roughly as if you could run away any second.

you felt desperate, practically swallowing eren's lips up, him biting at your lip before pulling away for air. he looked down at you with a lustful expression, his lips parted and flushed red while his eyelids hung low. "finally, you shut up."

you looked up to the ceiling with a smile gracing your face. you didn't know if you were in shock at the fact that he could still throw quick comebacks after such an event or if you were in shock at what just happened. "you shut the fuck up— and come here,"

you lifted your head up to connect your lips back to eren's, your tongue sliding over his bottom lip, and he quickly got the hint, pushing you back down to the bed as he parted his lips so that your tongues could collide gently. the kiss was wet, and passionate, you could practically taste the lust that both of you were so oblivious about for years. you could taste how long he craved your lips on his and you almost wanted to apologize for leaving him waiting for so long.

eren's tongue licked around your mouth, doing all the work while you laid back and guided your tongue to follow his almost like a recited dance. his hips moved with yours, beginning to grind against you to relieve some of the ache in his dick, and he was glad you were wearing a dress. his hand on your hip grasped the black fabric and aggressively yanked it up, your hips lifting to help him out a little bit until your lower half was completely unveiled to him.

his mouth disconnected from yours so he could peer down at you. "fuck..." he muttered. his hand slid under your dress, smoothing over your stomach before nearing your breasts, looking back up to you as if to ask if what he was doing was fine. you gave him that confirmation and let your eyes drift close as his warm palm relaxed itself over your tit. the contact that his fingers made with you nipple as he moved his hand down to toy at it caused them to harden and you to whimper.

eren ducked down to your neck so he could kiss it, nibbling at the sensitive flesh which elicit your hand to fly to his messy brown locks. "yeah..." you sighed, elated with the feeling of him sucking at your skin, his tongue occasionally licking at the spot and his teeth grazing over it as well before he completely pulled off, hoping a distinctive hickey you would have trouble hiding from your mom would begin to appear sooner or later.

his hand slid back down to your side until it went over the curve of your back and trailed down your ass until it met your supple thighs. he grasped at your skin, the fat underneath his fingertips leaving his imagination to wonder what it would be like in between your thighs. he brought his other thumb to your plain black panties, pressing it against your clothed entrance just to get a feel and your head flew back so you were no longer watching him— eyebrows turning upwards and mouth parting as uneven breaths left you mouth.

you were so hot and bothered, you needed him now— any way you could take him.

"need you... right now, eren." you mumbled, your hand retreating between your dress to cup at your own breast.

eren looked up at you another smile playing on his lips, and he would be the death of you. "first name basis now that you want to be fucked by me?"

"oh my gosh, just hurry."

you brought your legs closer to your body as eren's hand came to the hem of the fabric that was the only thing separating you and him. he pulled it over your legs and down your feet tossing it to the side. when you didn't part your legs for him immediately he brought his hand to both of your knees and with some resistance parted them for you, the sight of your glistening cunt going straight to his dick.

you were so pretty to him, yet he didn't want to boost your ego any more so he held his tongue and untucked his lip from his teeth before stepping off the bed, grabbing your ankles and pulling your body to the edge of the bed.

your pussy fluttered as you watched eren fumble with the button and zipper of his pants. he stopped for a brief moment, groaning in annoyance before looking back to you. "i don't have a condom."

your hand flew to your forehead and you felt yourself squeeze around nothing at the thought of eren sliding into you without one. "you're clean right?"

eren scoffed. "yeah."

"okay well then hurry!" you repeated, eren going back to pulling his pants down until they were pooled at his ankles, as well as his boxers. his dick was finally exposed to you, and you stifled a moan when you saw it— pretty, hard, big and flushed red in anticipation for you not anyone else. he took himself into his hands and smeared his pre cum over his length while his head tilted back and his jaw dropped at the slight relief.

"this is about to be the best dick you've ever had." he half joked as he grabbed your hips and pressed at your entrance, leaning overtop of you again.

"we'll see about that, ja—" you couldn't even get the rest of your sentence out as you felt his tip slide more into you, a gasp leaving your throat, your walls clenching his tip causing him to let out a slight moan.

he stopped for a moment, bringing his hand up to steady himself on the bed. "eren, not jaeger."

he pushed in a little more, your hand flying over to your mouth muffling your, "eren!" which caused him to smirk. "shit... you—" a little more, your eyebrows coming together like his as he tried filling you up even more.

"me what?" he breathed out, pushing in a little more.

your back arched and your fingers came to wrap around his wrist beside your head for support. "it kind of hurts." you mewled out. of course you wouldn't tell eren this, but it had been awhile since the last time you had sex, prone to getting yourself off instead, and eren's size wasn't helping either.

"well..." he started, sheathing himself more inside you as your grip on his wrist tightened, and small pathetic half-whines left your throat. "you gotta take it." your eyes screwed even more shut as his words rang through your head. you were practically throbbing for him and you wanted this just as bad. "don't start something you can't finish." and with that the brunette let his length fill you up completely, ignoring your slight displeasure until he bottomed out, shushing you and letting his hand come down to rub circles on your clit to soothe you.

a sigh left your lips and your hand relaxed from eren's wrist. "okay."

"okay?"

"you can move." and eren wasted no time doing just that, his hips moving backwards and sliding against your walls causing you and him to groan at the same time.

when you were fully adjusted, and any discomfort you felt had drifted away, eren moved faster, almost fucking you how he wanted to in the first place. he lifted himself from the bed and put his hands on your hips, dragging you onto him as he pushed in and out of you, basking in your moans of pleasure and the feeling of your tight walls trying to consume him.

"yes," you said with gritted teeth as the way eren thrusted into you with purpose felt amazing and left you wondering why you didn't confess to your attraction to him sooner. "fuck, eren..." his hips stuttered from the way you sounded moaning his name. he wanted to hear it again, and again, wanted to hear it so many times that he could hear it when he fucked his fist to your pretty face. "like that, just like that."

"again." he demanded, and the low octave of his voice ordering you to repeat his name sent your head into a spiral. you grind against him, your wetness smearing on his abdomen. eren brought his hand to your hair again, pulling your body up off the bed and you winced at his tight grip as he continued to fuck up into you nicely. "i said again."

"eren," you repeated more like a plea. he pulled your head forward more, smashing his lips to yours again briefly, just wanting to feel more of you, wanting to feel you crave him.

"what do you want me to do?" he asked. he wanted you to tell him how bad you wanted him, how bad you wanted him to fuck you— and with the way his cock stretched you out so well, fucking into you with ease, like it's what he was made for, you were willing to do just that. "hm?"

"fuck me good, make me cum, eren, please."

"if i do you're gonna stop acting like a little brat when we're together right?"

"yes, yes, yes," you babbled not even realizing what he said that had you nodding your head hastily.

eren chuckled at the lack of hesitance in your response, softening his grip on your hair and letting your head fall back to the bed. "good girl." he murmured while slowing down his pace causing you to roll your hips into his as a silent plea to go faster. eren pushed your dress up some more until it was bunched up right to your chest, then having you pull off the straps to free your tits. he stepped out of his jeans and boxers, pushing you higher on the bed to create space for himself, not leaving you once, leaving your cunt fluttering around him as he did all these motions.

the little sad cries that would leave your lips begging him to hurry up so that he could fuck you again made you sound so stupid for him, so impatient and so dirty. eren didn't mind at all though, when he shifted himself up on your bed and pressed your legs to either side of your body so he could hit deeper, he complied with your wishes. "open your mouth." and you complied to his, parting your lips and sticking your tongue out, eren coming down to let his spit drop into your mouth, and the second his saliva came in contact with the muscle you squeezed his member from inside of you, he could feel you tighten around him and your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you swallowed. he watched your throat bob before wrapping his hand around your neck to create leverage for himself.

when you felt him drag himself out and back into you so forcefully, your body jolting as he continued the motion, fucking down into you. he was drilling that soft spot inside of you, and he didn't stop you when your hand trailed down below his arm to touch yourself, rubbing at your swollen clit while he drilled you. "you're gonna cum?"

you were too incoherent to form words, the nods of your head telling him enough. he was on the verge of coming too, but he wanted you to come first, he wanted to feel you pulse around his throbbing cock, spill your slick all over him. "shit, then cum all over me, _____. right on my dick, let me feel it." you let out a sultry moan, eren letting go of your neck going to grasp one of your bouncing breast the other grasping your thigh and pounding into you hard while you got yourself off with your middle finger.

small cries spilled out of your lips as your orgasm slowly approached until it finally did, your vision blanking out, pussy squeezing eren impossibly tight, and every nerve being pinched in your body. your hand unconsciously flew to your blanket, gripping the fabric tight as you moaned a drawled out sound resembling eren's name. you felt like you were the only person alive, like the guests downstairs didn't exist, like your parents weren't just outside your window along with them, not even like eren was there when your climax washed over your body, blurring your senses.

"fuck, fuck, fuck, yeah—" eren was having trouble holding back, but as soon as he felt your juices coat him, and the sound of his name from you he let go of your thighs and chest, pulling out of your wet heat and jerking himself to completion, hot cum spilling all over your lower stomach as to avoid your dress. "shit.." he panted, watching his seed sit idle on your pretty skin.

he felt hazy, almost in disbelief that he just fucked your lights out, almost quite literally as you hadn't opened your eyes since your orgasm.

eren took it upon himself to gather some of his cum with a swipe of his finger then prod at your swollen lips, you lazily opening your mouth to taste the salty taste of his cum. "good?" and you hummed, letting your head fall back to the blankets and closing your eyes.

eren tucked himself in, leaving to head towards your bathroom, and soon enough coming back to help you clean up. when you felt the warmth of something slide over your lower abdomen, you too out of it to open your eyes, you relaxed against the bed. eren adjusted your dress and slipped your underwear on for you, shaking your arm to wake you up. "your mom was out there. she was about to check on you when i walked out the bathroom. that would've been embarrassing."

you were too tired to respond, blinking at eren before picking yourself up and sitting up in front of him, his height allowing him to still be looking down at you even though you were on a bed. "i'm gonna head down cause i'll probably be leaving soon... i'll tell her you're sleep."

you nodded your head at eren before crawling to your bed and under the blankets, turning away from him. eren eyed you for a moment before coming forward and deciding to press a kiss to your ear, then grabbing his phone and slipping on his shoes. he grabbed the damp paper towel and threw it in your trash, shutting your lights and shutting the door quietly.

eren jaeger, an anomaly you thought you had figured out who happened not to be that bad after all.

maybe you did like eren— just a little bit.

#eren yeager x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren x reader #eren jaeger #eren jaeger smut #eren yeager #eren yeager smut #eren smut

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five-rivers · 3 years

Text

Beltane

Written for Ectober 2021 Day 1: Trick vs Treat. This is part of the Exhumed series.

Danny Fenton walked into the precinct. As often happened when he did this, all attention slowly turned to him. “Hi, Detective Patterson. Have you ever heard of Beltane?”

Patterson took a long swig of coffee through the plastic stir straw, because she felt the need to be at least a little drugged before dealing with whatever this was, and then said, “Is this the kind of thing the whole precinct needs to know about, or is it more specific to me?”

“Mm, not specific to you, but I’m not sure if everyone needs to know about it, yet.”

Despite only select members of the Amity Park police force knowing Danny Fenton had another identity, he’d become a sort of ‘ghost liaison’ for the precinct. Better him than the adult Fentons, who tended to break things even (especially) when they were being careful.

“Actually,” continued Danny, “you might have already noticed some things about it. I mean, it’s seasonal, and Mom and Dad were detecting ectoenergy and ghost activity spikes for events like this before they got the portal up and running. Although, the portal was supposed to stabilize and reduce those spikes… I guess reducing one isn’t bad?”

“Okay,” said Patterson. “I don’t really know what you’re talking about. Do you want me to go find Collins?”

“Oh, that might be a good idea.”

“Great,” said Patterson. She turned her head to shout across the room. “McGee. Go find Collins.”

“Still the new guy?” asked Danny, sympathetically.

“It isn’t like we’re a popular posting,” said Patterson, “and, thanks to the ghosts, we don’t really need new people.”

Danny nodded placidly. “I know. But it must be hard for him, don’t you think?”

McGee had done his job. He’d discovered the corruption in the Amity Park Police Department and plumbed its depths. The problem was that he could never, ever, report it. Even if they didn’t have a perfectly good cause for it all, what they were ‘hiding’ (and they were only barely doing that) was so ridiculous that McGee had thought he’d gone crazy at first.

Ghosts.

The whole of Amity Park was haunted. Just like it said in those touristy brochures at the front of the local diners.

He stuck his head into the break room. “Collins, Patterson and Fenton want you,” he said.

“In the normal room?” Collins asked, shoving a sugary monstrosity of a donut into his mouth.

“I have no idea. She didn’t say.”

“Normal room then. Great job, McGee.”

McGee rolled his eyes. Great job, he said. As if he’d done anything.

God. What would Halloween be like?

“So, it’s like, reverse Halloween?” asked Patterson.

“Well, not exactly,” said Danny. He patted Daisy, the department mascot slash corpse sniffing dog who had followed them into the small interview room, gently on the head. “Actually, there are more similarities than differences. Basically, like Halloween, we’re going to get a spike in ectoenergy. Maybe even some ectoplasmic storms. More portals. That kind of thing.” He shrugged. “Most holidays and seasonal divisions have them, you know.”

“So… we’re getting Halloween round two?” asked Collins.

“What do you bet that this is what gets McGee to snap?”

“He’s been here since December,” said Collins. “I think he’s too stubborn to leave.”

“Is he still spying?” asked Danny.

“No,” said Patterson, waving a hand. “He gave up on that, after a while. But there’s a new office bet about whether or not he’ll stay stay, or if he’ll decide to quit. We’re not allowed to join in because we know him too well.”

“Mm,” said Danny.

“I don’t actually know if I feel like I know him that well,” said Collins.

“Well,” said Danny, “it shouldn’t be as extreme as Halloween. Since, I mean, there aren’t as many religious holidays directly associated with death and stuff happening on or around May first. So. Yeah. But the thing is, there are some traditional, er, activities. Spirited activities.”

Collins suppressed a groan, and was glad that Captain Jones wasn’t available today. He and Danny could sling puns at each other for obscenely long periods of time.

“I’ve never noticed ghosts doing anything on May Day,” said Patterson.

“This is only the third year anyone’s even acknowledged that ghosts exist,” said Danny, “so I’m not really all that surprised. But the reason that I came to talk to you guys is that some of the ghosts want to do Beltane stuff. Like the fire blessings. Also, I’ve been told that some of the trees in town are secretly ghost trees, and if we don’t want to deal with another tree army, we need to do some stuff to appease them.”

“Secret ghost trees.”

“My source is very reliable,” said Danny. “Also, while I say ‘we don’t want to deal with it,’ I think we all know who’d be dealing with most of it.”

“You would,” said Patterson.

“Got it in one. Like, I can convince most of the ghosts to either do their Beltane stuff in the Ghost Zone, or somewhere out of the way. They’ll be disappointed, but I can do it. The ghost tree thing, though…”

“Can’t we just, I don’t know,” said Collins, “get rid of the ghost trees?”

“Well, they aren’t really evil ghost trees. Or even really ghost trees. They’re more… ghosts that live in trees?”

“What, like dryads?” asked Collins, raising his eyebrows.

“That’s what I said, but they’re different species, apparently.”

“Okay,” said Patterson, “so. Appeasing the trees. How many trees are we talking about here, and how are we going to appease them?”

“Okay, so, this is definitely a whole precinct kind of thing,” said Patterson.

“And possibly an ‘all civil servants’ type of thing,” added Collins. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Where are we going to get the funding for this?”

“Oh, don’t worry about money,” said Danny. “I’ll just blackmail Vlad, and if that doesn’t work, I can get Mom and Dad to pay for it.”

“What,” said Collins.

“I think this might be a bit beyond your parents’ budget,” said Patterson, “but knock yourself out as far as Masters goes.”

“Well, I guess if it is,” he allowed, dubiously, “I could get the cults to pitch in?”

“This is nice,” said Danny. The sky was a bit overcast, which was a shame, but the hundreds of bright flowers and cheerful music more than made up for that.

The May Day celebration was, in Danny’s opinion, a success. At least, this half of it was turning out to be. He’d have to wait and see how the Spirit Bonfires went tonight before he could really make a judgement.

He’d only had to blackmail Vlad a little, too. It turned out that the ‘ruthless businessman’ in Vlad was ludicrously easy to manipulate, and once Danny brought up how a celebration like this one could revitalize local businesses and bring in tourism, he’d caved.

Although, that might have been the threat of an angry tree army. Vlad had definitely come off worse for wear in the last one, on all fronts.

Then, publically putting the Phantom Stamp of Approval (and Necessity Given The Potential Angry Tree Army) on the event had gotten buy-in from his fans and (sigh) the cults. The cults were, in fact, very enthusiastic about their new Holy Day. Danny had made a map of all the places they’d set up booths, and was studiously avoiding them.

Sam and Tucker were doing a walkthrough of that area, now, to check for problems and unadorned thorn trees. They’d arranged to meet up soon.

So, Amity Park was decked out in ribbons and flowers. All of the schools had gotten Maypoles and the day off of classes. Several bands, both human and ghostly, were playing in different parts of town.

It was chaotic, but great.

Danny briefly cut into the street to dodge a pair of college-age men play-fighting with tree branches (a genuinely important tradition symbolizing the battle between winter and summer), then walked through a wall to avoid two ghosts doing the same thing.

Finally, he reached Madame Babazita’s table.

“Hi,” he said, “three readings, please.”

“Three?” she asked. “Just for you?”

“My friends should get here before mine’s done,” said Danny. Was he channeling some predictive powers? Maybe. Holidays did make his powers weird.

“I have no idea what your reading is saying,” said Madame Babazita, after fifteen full minutes. “The cards simply aren’t speaking to me today. Also,” she held up an Uno card, “I’m not sure how this even got here.”

“That’s okay,” said Danny, “I just wanted to make sure it was the same as last time.”

“Hey! Phantom!” called Ember across the crowd of ghosts that had gathered in the cemetery. Most of them were fire or nature themed. “You’re in for a treat!”

Danny, who had been examining the flowers left on his grave, looked up. “I am?”

Ember draped her arm around Danny’s shoulder. She’d been a lot more friendly with him since the corpse incident. “Sure are.” She stepped up onto the surface of his memorial, pulling him up behind her. Danny shook off a brief chill and looked around.

Ghosts were streaming into the cemetery from various directions, bringing armfuls of flowers with them. Danny could see two, huge bonfire piles of flowers growing near the cemetery gates.

“Are there going to be cows?” asked Danny, who was still fuzzy on the details of the ghostly side of the celebrations.

“I don’t know,” said Ember. “When I’ve seen this done in the GZ there are. Here? Who knows. Maybe we’ll just walk through.”

Danny nodded, unworried. Beltane sure was an interesting holiday.

The last armful of flowers was placed, and every flower in the cemetery caught on fire at once. Including the ones on Danny’s grave. Danny yelped, jumping into flight. As an ice core ghost, he vastly preferred cold to heat.

This went without saying, but fire was very hot.

Ember grabbed his foot, and he almost kicked her. “You knew that was going to happen,” he accused.

“Sure did, babypop,” said Ember, grinning. “Come on, don’t you want to pass through the bonfires?”

Danny eyed the very large bonfires on either side of the cemetery gates. They were lit up with sparks like fireworks, shifting like flowers blooming and withering and blooming again. They were beautiful and impressive, and Danny felt like melting just by looking at them.

“I don’t know…” He wanted to, but… melting…

“Well, if you want to go out the other way and be horribly unlucky for the next year…”

Danny narrowed his eyes. “Is that another trick?” he asked.

Ember’s grin grew wider, and she took off towards the gates. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Danny sighed and followed her.

“Unbelievable,” said McGee. “Absolutely unbelievable.” He gave the elderly cultist a boost into the wagon.

“I know, right?” said Patterson. “All this property damage and a low-key kidnapping,” she gestured to the hapless late night partier who had called the police when the cult got too insistent about their message, “and they didn’t even have the good drugs?” She shook her head. “Not that we ever arrest anyone just for drugs in this town.”

“I did not just hear you say that,” muttered McGee.

“We’ll make an Amity Parker out of you yet,” said Collins, heartily, slamming the back door of the wagon. He thumbed the button on his radio. “Any other disturbances?” he asked.

“No, you’re good to come back,” said the dispatcher.

“What I don’t get,” said McGee, leaning against a nearby wall in a moment of weakness, “is why we aren’t breaking up whatever cult thing is happening in the cemetery.” They’d seen it quite clearly on their way here.

“Because those are ghosts,” said Patterson.

McGee took a deep breath. “The ghosts are having some kind of ritual in the cemetery, and you aren’t worried.”

“Not really, no.”

“I hate it here,” said McGee.

“Do you, though?” asked Collins, sounding genuinely interested in the answer.

McGee opened his mouth to snap back that, yes, he did. But…

Hm. Huh.

Collins patted him on the back.

#danny phantom #ectober #ectober 2021 #ectoberhaunt 2021 #ectoberhaunt trick #ectoberhaunt treat #ectoberhaunt day 1: trick vs treat #fic #fanfic #exhumed

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sweettodo · 3 years

Text

best friends dad.

levi ackerman x freader.

includes : dub con - [ age gap ] , smut, swearing, daddy kink, squirting. pretty much porn with no plot.

wc : 2,7k

a/n, thank you for 600 followers !!! <33 i love every single one of you.

••

She's your best friend, your closest ally, your soul sister.

She has been there with you through thick and thin, since youth, you two took showers together as children, ate off the same plate, went on countless vacations, share the same clothes. What would your life be without her?

Your behavior prevails to be horrendous.

It catches you when you're alone, or when there's nothing to distract you. Creeping up, lingering around your soul- guilt- quite the foe.

You lay on your bed, shame depleting you the more you remained in silence, left alone with your thoughts. Staring at the soft white ceiling, the sun scarcely pouring through the cracks of the shades, rendering it impossible to fall back asleep.

It was eating you alive, it was driving you nuts, you were so selfish. It was too late to go back on this.

And this isn't even the worst part of it all...

Your fathers are best friends, also close since childhood. Being neighbors, your mothers were close too, you all were practically family.

Hence, it boils down to one thing- one simple, and easy question.

That being, why was your 'second father' mere inches away from you, naked, barely covered by a sheet, and sleeping in your bed?

Yet, as disgusted as you are with yourself, you're turning to face the sleeping man, placing a small kiss below his ear, his arms instantaneously fastening around your frame, pulling you closer to his body, he loves when you wake him up like this, you're both accustomed to this routine.

After all, you did sleep in the same bed more often than you'd like the admit.

Living alone in your apartment made it easier for the both of you to be with each other, though your best friend resided here, she was at college, living in a dorm out of state for extended periods.

He told his wife and other children the ridiculous excuse, 'I'll be back in a week or so, on business' and he'd come straight to you. Always. With take-out dinner, a duffle over his shoulder, and a plethora of condoms in his pocket.

Call it disturbing, but it's almost perverse to give his wife kudos, 'no wonder you tied the knot.' because shit, you wish you could.

No one knows about the infidelity, so it was fun to sneak around; since becoming an adult, that's when family dinners with the neighbors took a turn, your body filled with a mix of excitement and angst almost every Friday.

He always sits next to you, to your right, hand secretly placed on your thigh under the tablecloth. He finds himself unable to resist your body.

The second you turned eighteen he was ready to pounce, he couldn't take his eyes off you.

He's so good at what he does, he knows how to sneak around, he always plays his cards right, he knew you couldn't resist the temptation; the temptation of your best friend's father.

•

How it started was almost too cliché.

•

"Hey, is y/f/n home? We're supposed to be getting ready to go out, she's not answering my texts."

"She's not home, likely caught up at work."

You nod, "how about you come in and wait?" he allows you in, "what's the occasion?" he laughs, plopping down on the couch, you sit on the other side, placing your dress, makeup bag, and shoes on the floor beside your feet.

"A friend's birthday dinner, she just turned eighteen." He smiles, looking back at the television, "she's always making us late." You chuckle, your phone going off at the same time, Levi watching your thumbs frantically respond to the disappointing message.

"She won't be off for another few hours." Levi sighs, "I'll just hang out in her room until then."

"You can stay down here, you're not in my way." He quickly replies, you accept his offer and slip off your shoes.

"How's your mom?" he changes the topic, standing and walking out of the room towards the direction of the kitchen, "and your dad."

"Both good, how about you and-"

"Good." he interrupts, returning with a glass in his hands, likely a glass of whiskey, that was his go-to.

Oddly enough, you felt unsettled being alone with him, something inside of you remained nervous, but not necessarily a bad sentiment.

You didn't spend much time with Levi alone, most of the time it was with your father and y/f/n, so you sat quietly, both watching the screen mounted on the wall in front of you.

Little did you know, he was feeling the same way, awkward and nervy.

"Do you need to get ready at any particular time?" he cuts the silence.

"Uhm, I didn't expect to wait, because I have to shower."

He hums in agreement, "you can shower here if you want." You didn't even bat an eye, standing and saying 'okay', trotting upstairs towards your best friend's room, dropping all your belongings on the floor.

Leaving the room, you're opening the linen closet to retrieve a towel and head straight for the bathroom.

This was your second home, why leave the bathroom door locked while you showered?

His leg tapped in anticipation, he knew now was such a perfect time, he had to do something about how he was feeling.

Levi told himself that this feeling would pass, he was disgusted in himself.

The first time he found himself with his hand wrapped around his cock, making himself cum to the thought of his daughter's best friend.

He had never thought about you sexually, it was almost like a switch was flipped when you came home, stumbling drunk with his daughter the night of your birthday to avoid your own parents, you were now an adult, and that's when things changed.

He thought about you in so many twisted ways, and the fetish only grew- it grew day by day, month by month.

Now, you were only a few months shy of nineteen, in college, in your own living space, independent, he loved it; and every day, he prayed to God he'd stop feeling so guilty about his vices.

But he was trapped, stewing on his thoughts before he went to bed at night, on the way to work, waking up in the morning- he only thought about you. He needed to do something.

He found his feet quickly moving up the stairs, entering his bedroom, and pacing, this was sure as hell a tough dilemma, but he knew he could get you to see it too.

"Levi, I- uh, need some help."

Like it was a blessing, a foot in the door, he's now knocking before you allow him in, you stand there only in a towel, hair wet and your body dripping with water, "the thing won't turn off, I'm sorry."

He could barely swallow, "I'll fix it."

The hot steam made him overwhelmed, the fresh smell of the strawberry-scented body wash that you had after your shower was sending him into a frenzy.

You stood there, watching him turn the hot water off, you acknowledged how close you were to him, naked except for the towel, he was so close to your legs, your wet body.

He stood straight after fixing the faucet, wiping his hands on his shirt, "thanks."

You step around him, down the hall, and towards your friend's room, "y/n," turning, Levi's there, in the hallway, a few feet behind you, "I need to talk to you."

He knew now was the only time he could fix this disgusting fixation he has on you.

You pursued him, you followed him straight to his bedroom, you allowed him to close the door behind you; you felt his hands grab your own, pinning them above your head against the wall.

You allowed him to kiss you, you kissed him back, and you savored the taste of him. It was almost like you didn't allow your mind to register what you were doing.

"I've been meaning to do this." He breathes, catching up on his lack of oxygen.

You didn't say anything, your towel was coming loose, his free hand encircling around the small of your back, pulling you against him, "Levi." You uttered, his head dips down, kissing your lips as he's whisking you off your feet and onto his shared bed with his wife.

Your legs wrap around his waist, his elbows propped up beside your head, his tongue swiping across your lip, you do the same, what the fuck were you doing?

You pull away from him, "Levi- this is bad." Hand pressing against his shoulder, pushing him off of you gently, "this is so bad."

He moves his hand through his hair, "no one has to know."

"I gotta' go get dressed," yet your legs don't move, "fuck- fuck this is bad, she's gonna hate me."

"No, no she won't," he objects, pushing you onto your back, "you want it, don't you?"

Your stomach was doing backflips, nauseated almost. You saw his tight body, you've always loved it- like a father.

You felt his cock between your legs instants earlier, you didn't comprehend just how willing you were; how wet you were between your legs.

"Let me show you," throwing off his shirt, "don't worry, no ones gonna know,"

He sees the look on your face, stunned.

"Don't you trust me?" your head was spinning.

"I do."

Your head is pushed onto his pillow, making sure he doesn't strip you of your towel just yet.

The feeling of performing something so bad, so disturbing, so sinful, it was driving you nuts, your stomach twisted, filled with butterflies as you saw the man strip in front of you. This was really happening.

"Open."

Your legs open, but you hold your towel down, feeling his eyes bore into you, "you can show me."

His hands open your legs, gasping, he's kissing you again, laying between your legs with just his boxers severing the direct touch.

"God, this fucking body."

The towel slipping down your chest, his hands instantly cupping your tits, the now, cold droplets of water from your shower making your nipples twice as hard, he smiles, "you've always been so beautiful- so innocent too, you know that?" his hands trail down your sides, feeling your flesh in his palms, up to your thighs.

You felt so dirty, you wanted more, you wanted him to touch every inch of your body, you wanted to feel secure and full, "you want me to touch you don't you. You want it?" he sees your pleading eyes, he sees how hungry you looked, he brings his hand to your beck, squeezing your jugular, "say it, use your words.”

“I do, but y/f/n, Levi.” Your words meant one thing, but your actions were proving another. You didn't know how much you needed this- how much you longed to be touched by a man who helped raise you.

It made you sick, but fuck, it felt so good, “you want it, just as I do,” he pulls back, taking his hand and forcing open your mouth, “here.”

He wet his fingers with your saliva, ripping the towel that barely covered your lower half. “Look at how pretty, so wet too.”

You hiss, his finger pressing down against your clit, your thigh spasming from the harsh pressure against your nerves, “I’m gonna make you cum, you want that, right?”

“Yes, please make me cum.” You plead, his thumb still pressing hard against your bud, “f-fuck!” your legs slamming around his arm.

“Open those legs, I didn't say you could close them.” He commands, getting a better look at your pussy, his hand moving down the threads of his boxers with his free hand, cock springing from his constraints.

“Spit.” He steals more alive from your tongue, using it to lubricate his cock; he was thick, girthy with few veins decorating up the bottom to right below the tip. His chest heaving, hands pinning up your thighs, your legs wide open for him to see.

You whined, his throbbing tip teasing you by soaking up your slick, he was so painfully hard- the way he knocked against the tight hole in front of him.

“You want my cock? You want your other daddy to fuck you, huh?” You nod, eyes begging with every ounce of your entity.

You nod desperately, “please- fuck me.”

He obeys, gripping your thighs, pressing them upwards as he’s leaning down towards you, slowly sliding past your entrance.

Splitting you open, immense pressure brings you to screams, your eyes screwed shut as you spit out the man's name.

“Can barely fit- fuck.” His shoulders lax, cock seeping deeper into your pussy.

He pushes back and forth into you, the sound of your pussy juicing around his cock filled the room as you two take in the feeling of each other's touch.

“S’big- so big, Levi.” Your tongue lols out, he takes it as a welcome to capture your lips, sucking on your tongue as you mewl against his mouth.

He pulls away from you, “say my name,” he groans, “say it, what's my name?” his cock filling you so well, you could say many things; tears brimming your eyes as he's stabbing your cervix with his tip.

You wail, gasping for air, “daddy- please harder!”

His hips piston into you, slamming against yours as he's speeding up, cock ramming into you senselessly, harder thrusts when he hears you call him by his name, fucking you stupid.

“Go on and cum all over my cock, you're so close- fuck- you keep squeezing me-” he can barely contain himself.

But he keeps pace, the sweet spot in the depths of your pussy being abused, pussy squelching with every rut of his wide hips.

You're so close, inching closer towards release, a mantra of his name rolling out of your mouth, you feel so full, packed to the fucking brim.

The weight of his body on top of yours, cock reaching impossible lengths inside of you, sweat dripping down his forehead, chest glistening with sweat, “so good, creaming all over my dick, yeah? You love it.” He boasts, you whined, mouth agape.

“So close- daddy- so close.”

“Do it, you're so tight- fuck, can't get over it.”

The coil in your stomach tightening, your body going numb as he rips an incredible orgasm out of your weak body, “that's right, squirt all over my cock, God this pussy s’ fuckin’ amazing.”

He slowed down, bearing his high, watching as your cum drips down your pussy, his thighs and stomach soaked with your essence as it drips down his thighs. Amazed at the sight, he continues to steadily fuck into your convulsing walls, you're body shaking from the debilitating orgasm.

You squeeze your eyes shut, your eyes surrounded by a starry white, wet noises driving Levi closer to climax, the sheets below the both of you soaked, “open those eyes.” He commands.

You open your eyes, legs squeezing tighter around his sides, “you’re gonna swallow my cum, right baby?” he sees you nod your head, needy to taste him down your throat.

He provides you with a few strong thrusts, before slowly pulling out of you, your hand quickly wrapping around the base of his cock, rolling out your tongue like a whore.

You take his tip on the pad of your tongue, swirling around, his eyebrows scrunching from the sensitive touch, “fuck, so fuckin’ perfect,” hand coming down to caress your head before dipping his fingers between the- still wet hair from your shower.

He twitches, releasing his load in your mouth, the salty taste tainting your tastebuds, he watches it coat your tongue, catching his breath as he's seeing you swallow every drop of cum, his thumb strokes across your bottom lip, smirking.

“Look at the mess you made, now I have to clean these sheets.” Gripping your hair between his digits, he's pushing your head down to look at the damp sheets, you gnaw on your bottom lip.

He pushes you back down on the bed, sloppily kissing your red and swollen lips once more.

“That cunt is just as good as I thought it was.”

#levi smut #levi ackerman #levi aot #smut #levi x reader #attack on titan smut #attack on titan levi #aot #attack on titan #lemon

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princessofprocrastination · 3 years

Text

Not The Same (GeorgeNotFound)

summary : you put out a song, but it attracted the wrong type of crowd and caused too many misunderstandings.

trigger warnings : threats (including death and doxing), panic attacks, taking of meds.

"you're THOSE type of fans, huh?" you read the comments on your newest song release.

and that was the start of your downfall.

you and your dad really enjoyed singing. at any opportunity you two got, you would be doing a duet.

whether that would be at at a close relative's wedding or your at home karaoke set up, you two knew how to entertain people.

though singing was your passion, you ended up being too busy with school and trying to graduate with a diploma to even think about singing again.

but you swore to make a career of your singing after high school. you just loved it too much.

but then, you didn't go to college for music, which pretty much shocked your parents and your friends since they knew your only passion in life was singing.

but you took a different direction. you still wanted to sing and you were trying your hardest to find a way to make that your career.

someday, anyway. but you needed to have a plan to fall back into in case anything goes wrong.

you were a realist, after all.

so off to college you went.

you spent long hours studying for tests after tests, sat through hours of lectures, did endless amounts of projects.

in the end, it was all worth the wait and fatigue. you graduated top of your class.

you went off to be an intern, clocked in more hours before you could fully go into the next phase of your life.

and after those long hours, you finally made the decision (with the support of your parents) to take a gap year.

but before anyone panics. your gap year was not all fun in games where you took to rest and lay in bed all day.

you took the gap year to see if the music industry fits you. to see if you even had the chance to succeed.

and if it did, you could finally have your dream job. but even if it didn't you were not going to be upset if you needed to fall back onto your backup plan.

in the duration of the gap year, you took voice lessons, and poetry classes for song writing.

and with whatever you have learnt, you took that into writing songs that you felt really relate to your life experiences.

so you spend at least a couple months writing multiple songs.

after almost 2 years, you finally came out with your first song. and it definitely got recognition. more than you thought you'd get, if you were being completely honest.

and that was what pushed you to sit your ass back on your desk to write more, and go into your makeshift studio and make the words into songs.

your parents were ecstatic to hear that you were finally doing the things you loved. and you knew you'd never get this far if it weren't for your family's support.

and so your music journey began.

it was going well for years. you were finally happy doing the one thing you enjoyed doing.

and you definitely think you were good at it. seeing and hearing the positive feedbacks from your family, friends and listeners.

you felt good.

but you lost that feeling when you came out with a new single, called ‘fan of you’.

you spent a while working hard on that song and you felt relieved when it was finally released. it was like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.

and you weren’t sure how one thing led to another, if you were being honest. at first, you received good feedback for your new songs. you even gained new listeners and your spotify rank rised.

but then it didn’t anymore.

your twitter flooded with mentions and your instagram full of tagged pictures and dms by accounts you’ve never heard of.

but you noticed a similarity with all of the spam. a guy name george. georgenotfound for short.

you being you, you looked into it. and that was when all of the information hit you. and all you had to look up was your name on twitter, and there it was, the longest thread of tweets you have ever seen in your life.

you took time to read it all, trying to make sure you didn’t miss anything crucial.

there must be an understanding. you didn’t know this guy name george. you’ve seen his face on pinterest once a while when you scrolled, yes. but you never looked into him.

this amazing person took their time to gather every bit of information there was about the scandal, which you were grateful for, or else you’d be scouring the internet for hours.

to summarise what you read, there was this artist by the name of tia jade who came out with a song a few months prior to yours called ‘just a fan.’

it was a good song, some say, and you could agree. it was professionally written and produced. but many fans of george found out that the song was about him.

not just about him, but about her falling in love with him, when she has never met him. and when his fans started to really listen and analyse the song, it got creepier.

basically, the song was about a fan falling in love with a celebrity/content creator and that they want to know them beyond their persona online.

but tia had apologised a little after the song came out, saying that she made that song based on a fan liking a content creator, and not about her falling for george.

but when you read enough of the issue, it definitely did seem like she was making that song to tell her story about falling for george. but she obviously needed an excuse to cover it up.

hence the apology.

and then you read about how they analysed your song, too.

they compared your song to tia’s and found it to have similar stories. stories about how a normal girl is falling in love with the man by the name of george, who had millions of followers on all social medias.

and if you admitted it to yourself, your song did seem to come out that way. especially if your mentality had been there. clearly your song could have been interpreted in many different ways.

you scrolled to the very bottom of the thread where there was a video of the man himself, george. he was addressing the issue.

“i don’t know how this happened twice. i thought once was weird enough, but.” he paused, focusing on building something on his screen.

“having heard of a song being about me again now makes my skin crawl.” he finished. it was short but enough to make his fans understand where he was coming from.

you scrolled further to see the replies of the thread. you wanted to know what were people saying about it.

and you definitely regretted your decision to do that.

threats everywhere. death threats, threats of beating you up, threats of doxing you. god the negative comments were drowned by the one’s that genuinely thought nothing wrong of your song.

you called you mom. this was the time you needed her advice. you needed to be told what to do. you didn’t want to accidentally trigger people.

you and her were on the phone for hours. she listened to you cried to her. she heard the painful sobs that came out of your mouth whenever you reminded yourself of what people were calling you on the internet.

she heard you cry silently on call when you saw your address and phone number being leaked on twitter.

but even through all of that, you joked around with your mom. “well, this was a hell of a way to be trending.”

you did what she told you to do. get a new phone number, stay in a hotel for a couple days while you try to settle the raging crowd of georgenotfound fans down.

in the span of a couple weeks, you got yourself a new number, a new house and a new car. you weren’t taking any chances.

you told no one besides your mom of the new changes, just to be safe.

and no, the threats did not cease. at all. these people did not have a life, constantly up in your dms, telling you to jump off a cliff or them hoping that a robber stabs you and leaves you dying.

you took your time trying to figure out a way to talk to george. or a way to speak out about this.

you didn’t want to write a half-assed notes app paragraph apologising when- first of all, you had nothing to apologise for and second, you had too much to say to fit it all in a notes app.

lucky for you, you didn’t need to start your own channel or make a sit down video on your own.

your recording label had brought up the idea of a documented series about you and how you became a singer about a year ago, and only started filming and posting the episodes a couple months prior on youtube.

so you took the series to your advantage. you pitched in the idea to your manager, to which she agreed to immediately, knowing that it was best you talked about it now.

this was how it played out on the perspective of viewers who watched that episode.

“bless you.” your producer says after you paused your singing in the mic as you stopped to sneeze.

you gave him a smile and a thumbs up from inside the booth.

the camera cuts to another clip.

the cameraman pans as they captured movers coming in and out of your old house, picking up your heavy furniture and boxes into large trucks to move into the new place.

it cuts again. this time it shows you scrolling on your phone with a focused face while your manager types something vigorously on her computer.

the camera tries to focus on your phone, and sees that you were on twitter, reading a lot of tweets under your name.

you exited the app and slide it away, going into youtube next, reading the comments on your song ‘fan of you’.

you scrolled far, clicking on some of the comments, trying to read the replies to certain comments you saw.

the camera cuts into a black screen. which then cuts again into a new scene, where you sat on your new kitchen counter talking to your mother, who sat on the chair in front of you.

your hair was up in a ponytail. a messy one. you were wearing sweatpants and a hoodie that seemed far too big on you, and your feet covered with fluffy socks.

you were nodding to whatever she was saying to you. it was clear your mind was elsewhere as your eyes were unfocused.

the scene cuts again.

you were seen on the couch, your legs were tucked into your arms and your head down, body shaking. it was obvious you were crying.

you were alone, your mother no where to be seen.

that was the first time the camera caught you crying.

the scene cuts as you were going to get up from the couch.

now, you were in the kitchen again, opening the refrigerator to take a water bottle, then walking to your room upstairs.

the camera follows behind you slowly into your room.

it hadn’t been the cleanest. there were a couple shirts on the floor, your bed undone, cups on your side table, your laptop open on your desk.

you were seen opening a drawer, taking out a small white bottle. you unscrewed the bottle and took out 2 pills, popping them in your mouth, drinking water straight away after that to swallow.

the scene cuts again.

this time, you were seated on the couch in the studio, the atmosphere dark and quiet.

your hair was more kept this time, being help up in a clip.

you were wearing straight jeans and a slightly oversized sweatshirt. you looked more refreshed this time. but it was obvious you hadn’t slept in a while because of your eyes.

your eyes that usually held a lot of happiness and joy turned dull.

“it’s been a while since i’ve spoken to a camera.” you offered a small smile. your song ‘just a fan’ was playing in the background of the clip.

the scene cuts again.

“when i released that song, i was genuinely proud of the work i had done.” you paused for a while. besides the song playing in the background, it was silent.

“but i guess the joy didn’t last very long.” the scene cuts there.

it transitioned to a collage of what people were saying about you. it showed clips of people talking about it on youtube. they even showed george talking about it.

and it cuts again.

it showed a different clip this time. a clip of your ex boyfriend and you at the beach on a picnic, that was taken by a close friend of yours.

this was when you were still in college.

it showed all the fun memories you two made while you were still together.

it showed a video of him studying in the library, flipping through his papers and scrolling through his laptop. it was clear he was hard at work, not noticing you filming him.

but then the scene cuts again. and the music turned somber.

your ex boyfriend’s grave.

it was the day you were visiting him. you sat down next to his stone, a blanket under you.

you were just staring at his stone, not moving.

and it cuts again.

“he was one of the most driven person i have ever met.” you told the camera.

“he knew when to be serious and when to have fun.” you looked down in your hands and played with your rings.

“all he ever talked about was becoming a surgeon. he worked hard in his intern years and continued being passionate through his residency.” you spoke up.

“people had only nice things to say about him. the only bad thing they would say about him is that he can be pretty uptight sometimes, especially when he was stressed about something.” you laughed a little.

“i was a huge fan of him, even when we just saw each other in the hallways. he’s just amazing. i’ve always wanted to be just like him.”

“i wanted to write a song about him but i didn’t the song to be sad.” you said.

“and that was when the song ‘fan of you’ was created.

the scene cuts there and goes into another.

you were in the recording booth again, this time, you were singing into the mic.

the camera pans to your producer and manager dancing and bobbing their heads to the beat.

the scene cuts, officially ending it with a black screen with ‘the end’ in a fancy white font.

you busied yourself with writing new songs as your name got trended again on twitter.

and george has never felt worse about himself ever in his entire life.

he watched the episode as soon as dream sent it to him.

“you’re an asshole, george.” dream sends to him, along with the link of the video on youtube.

as the video ends, he decides to read the comments, wondering what it was like down there.

it was the worse mistake he had ever made in a while.

but he knew he deserved it. he did assumed it was about him, just like the last song made with a drawing of his glasses as their cover photo on spotify.

this time, there was genuinely no reason to think that this song was about him, or anyone with a following whatsoever. he just believed what his chat told him.

sure, there were some familiarity of the character in your song and him, but the world did have 7.6 billion people living on it.

“so, here i am apologising.” george says to his camera, live. his tone was very sincere and apologetic.

“this shouldn’t have gotten this far. they shouldn’t have gotten threats at all, let alone death threats. they shouldn’t have woken up to the world knowing where they live and what their phone number is.”

“and if you’re watching. i sincerely apologise. i clearly was full of myself.” george finishes. ending the live with a small wave.

and were you watching? hell yes.

and that was the day the two of you followed each other on instagram.

he used your songs as his intros of his live, (with your permission, of course.) you showed in your documentary that you were watching whenever he was live or watching his youtube videos.

and that was the start to a beautiful relationship.

you sat on the chair, going live. you waved as people started joining. it went from hundreds, to thousands in seconds.

as you were talking and clicking on your keyboard and mouse, playing a game, you felt arms around your shoulders.

you smiled, yet continued playing.

“why are you live on my account?” he laughs.

you disconnected the headphones so that he could hear what you were hearing.

“george, you’re being replaced.” dream said on discord.

george smiles, giving you a kiss on the top of your head. “that was well deserved.”

#georgenotfound imagines #georgenotfound imagine #georgenotfound fanfic #georgenotfound x reader #georgenotfound

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youwerenevermeanttofeelalone · 3 years

Text

The Stars Were Bright Above | Peter Parker

✦ pairing — Peter Parker x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 12k

✦ fake dating AU

✦ summary — in an attempt to make your best friend Harry jealous, you accept to fake date Peter who needs to cover up his big secret.

✦ request — I just read your Harry series and I was wondering if you could do something similar where reader is in love with Harry and she fake dates Peter and falls for him?

✦ warnings — angst, family issues, mentions of food and alcohol, language, reader and Peter are in college, brief depictions of anxiety, sexually suggestive content, drama between friends, fluff.

✦ author's note — whew, this one was supposed to be a quick one shot that’d help me get back into writing after days with a horrible migraine and then I completely lost control of it. I managed to find a compromise in 12k words after an excruciating editing process. Hope it’s coherent and that you like it!

════════════════════════

“I would love to stop and chat,” you told Peter as you looked for your keys, “but I’m in a hurry.”

“I’ll walk you to your car.”

If only you could find the stupid keys first! Oh, well, you’d check your backpack once you were in the parking lot.

Peter could have used the time it took you to cross campus to tell you whatever it was he wanted to say. Instead, he fiddled with the straps of his backpack and walked beside you in complete silence.

“I need a favor,” he finally said when you stopped in front of your car. As though it hadn’t been obvious.

“Peter,” you sighed, trying to hold your open backpack against your knee. A horrible idea, really. “My mom will kill me if I’m late for lunch.”

He took your backpack in his hands and held it for you. “I... it’s embarrassing.”

“We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“It can’t wait!”

His tone made you lift your head. “Are you alright? Is your aunt sick or something?”

He shook his head. “It’s about May in a way... oh, that rhymed.”

“Focus.”

“Right, right. Uhmmm she thought I was hiding something from her—“

You interrupted, “Were you?”

“Kind of,” he admitted. “So I told her I have a girlfriend.”

“I didn’t know you were dating anybody.”

“I’m not.”

“So why did you—“ You groaned. “Oh my God, you’re an idiot.”

“I deserve that one.”

“You want me to convince Gwen?”

“Gwen? Why would—“ He shook his head. Avoiding your eyes, he said, “I told her it was you.”

“And she believed you?”

“I’m as shocked as you are!”

“So you want me to lie to your aunt and tell her I’m dating you.” You closed your backpack, having had no luck finding your keys.

“More or less.” Peter continued holding your backpack, patiently waiting for you to retrieve it. “I was thinking more along the lines of lying to everybody and tell them we’re dating.”

You brought a hand to your hair, lightly gripping it for a moment. “I’m not a good actress.”

“I think your keys are in your hoodie.”

You palmed the front pocket where the sound of metal against metal let you know he was right. Introducing your hand, you withdrew the keys. “How did you know?”

“I heard them.”

“You have amazing hearing.” You reached over to take your backpack.

He handed it to you. “It’s a blessing and a curse.”

You unlocked the car and opened the back door on the driver’s side. Leaving your backpack onto the backseat, you heard Peter ask, “So... are you helping me?”

Standing straight, you turned to peer at him. You had to squint as the sun hit your face. “Can we talk later or tomorrow?”

He nodded. “Text me. Please.”

Peter had always been considerate with you and this time was no different. He patted your back before walking away on the opposite direction.

You bit your bottom lip. “Hey.”

Peter turned around. “Mmh?”

“Want me to drop you off?”

“Sure.”

It was nice to have some company in the car after a pretty lonely day. Gwen was nowhere to be seen and you didn’t share classes with Mary Jane. You had other friends, but they didn’t make you feel complete like Gwen, Mary Jane, Flash, Peter, and Harry did.

Harry...

You couldn’t stop yourself from asking, “Did you tell Harry?”

He didn’t sound surprised. “I was waiting for your answer. I told May she was the first person to know.”

You hummed. “What would I have to do?”

“She’ll want to confirm it’s true so you’d have dinner with us and then we would act like a couple in front of everybody.”

“Like a couple?”

“Just holding hands and hugging,” he clarified. “Maybe the occasional kiss on the cheek to throw people off their rhythm. Oh, and pet names!”

“You’ve got everything planned, huh.”

“My life depends on this,” he said dramatically.

“Do I get to know your secret if I say yes?”

He considered your question for a moment. “Eventually.”

You couldn’t believe you were doing this. “When should I come over for dinner?”

Peter’s eyes lit up. “Probably this weekend. I’ll ask May and text you.”

“Cool. I’ll talk to you later, then.”

He nodded. “Be safe.”

“You too.”

You pulled over a few blocks from your family home to put on some makeup, that way you would avoid the chastising that came every time your mom saw the bags under your eyes.

Wondering if Peter could tell the reason behind your helpfulness, you got rid of your hoodie and slipped a sweater on.

Doing this every time you visited after school was tiring, but it was better than putting up with meaningless fights.

Your mom was losing her patience when you arrived, you could see it on her face. She glared at you as you approached her to kiss her cheek. This and the fact that you couldn’t stand pretending so many aspects of your personality, were what lead you to choose to live on your own.

She hadn’t been too happy about it, but she was busy with the family business, her social life, and your sister to complain. Your dad always did what any of you wanted, mostly to make you three shut up.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry! Peter needed help with something.”

You sat down next to your sister who lifted an eyebrow.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately,” your mom suspiciously pointed out.

Oh, so she was keeping tabs on what you did on your free time...

The truth was there had never been anything between you and Peter.

You met him on his first day of college. He was the new kid everybody was intrigued by. Harry hated him at first and although you didn’t, you didn’t speak to him until Harry decided to stop being an asshole.

Now Harry was too busy with Liz, his gorgeous girlfriend, to care about you, his best friend.

It hurt, it really did. You befriended Harry when you were kids and had been inseparable up until now. Of course you had to put up with his weird flings, but he had never cast you aside for them.

You had harbored hope that he was secretly into you, but the less he spoke to you the more you realized he hadn’t found the one until he met Liz. That hurt even more — you were supposed to be the one.

Everything had played out in your mind from the moment you realized you had a crush on him. You would start dating in high school or college, get married, have kids, be a happy family...

But ever since he left you by yourself at a party when he was supposed to be your ride, you realized he hadn’t cared as much as you did.

Peter walked you to your apartment that night and made sure you drank plenty of water. He didn’t have to do it, Gwen and Mary Jane had already offered to do it themselves, but for some reason he felt like it.

You took a sip of water, realizing your mom and your sister were waiting for an answer. “He’s nice,” you opted for saying.

“Nice, eh,” you sister teased you.

“Yeah, nice. Is there a problem with that?”

You knew that attitude would only make them believe they were right in their assumptions. It was what Peter needed from you either way.

Truthfully, Peter wasn’t always nice, but you knew he tried.

“Are we waiting for dad?” you asked.

Your mom nodded. “He’ll be home any moment now.”

Your mom never complained when your dad was late, or when he was too busy to come home for lunch. You were used to it, she was biased in his favor — she had been since you were a child.

You checked your phone to keep yourself entertained. The Notification Center showed multiple badges, but the messages one caught your eye immediately.

Gwen💛: Missed you today.

You unlocked your phone to reply that you had missed her too when another text came in.

Pete: May said it would be cool if the three of us had dinner on Saturday.

You answered Peter first.

Sounds good to me. Just tell me what should I bring.

Your presence is more than enough, you’re our guest.

You huffed a laugh as you typed. Look at you trying to be cute.

I’ll have you know I’m extremely cute all the time.

Yeah, yeah. Should I bring dessert?

You don’t have to bring anything if you don’t want to.

I will strangle you the moment I see you, Peter.

Just say yes or no.

Maybe.

I hate you.

That’s not the proper way to treat your boyfriend :(

You could picture the glint in his eyes as he tried not to laugh.

You went along with it. I’m sorry, babe :(

I forgive you because I’m a nice boyfriend.

Won’t happen again. <3

Now let’s hope we can talk like that in person.

Are you daring me to sweet talk you in person?

Yes.

Your mom called your name. “Your dad asked you a question.”

You lifted your head. “Mmh?”

“No, no, continue texting,” he said sarcastically, “I have all day.”

You quickly typed TTYL and locked your phone. “Sorry.”

Your dad shook his head. “You and Harry always do this.”

“I wasn’t texting Harry,” you felt the need to explain. Harry didn’t deserve credit for this. “What did you want to ask?”

“I asked,” he remarked the word. “If you would be busy this weekend. Your sister won’t be.”

“I— uhmmm... I’m having dinner with Peter and his aunt on Saturday.” You saw your sister purse her lips beside you. “Did you need anything?”

“To spend time with my family.”

“I guess I can come over on Sunday or Saturday morning.”

“I was thinking about going out of town for the weekend,” he clarified.

“The three of you can go if you don’t want to wait another week,” you assured them. “I already told Peter I would have dinner with him and his aunt so I can’t cancel. I also have projects to do.”

════════════════════════

You rested your head on Gwen’s shoulder as both of you waited for Mary Jane in the cafeteria. They never made you feel like a third wheel even though they were dating so you never avoided spending time with them.

Mary Jane arrived accompanied by Peter. He looked extremely serious but he didn’t say anything as he stood across the table, staring at you like a child scared of saying what they had been up to. She elbowed him on the side before sitting down.

Peter got closer to you. “Can we talk?” he asked. “It’s important.”

You nodded, lifting your head off Gwen’s shoulder. As you stood up, you felt her hand squeeze yours which prompted you to turn and look at her.

She gave you a playful look that made you realize she wanted to know every detail once you were done. As your eyes crossed Mary Jane’s, you saw a similar sentiment in them.

“I’ll be right back,” you told them to pacify them.

He guided you to an empty area which wasn’t such an easy task. You ended up resting your shoulder against the wall, facing Peter while he looked around.

His eyes landed on you as he spoke in a hushed voice. “Can we start today?”

You mirrored his tone. “Fake dating?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay...”

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“Well, you’re changing the plan,” you explained. You hated changing plans, even more so when you weren’t sure you were the right person to execute them.

“I know. Just a day earlier, though.” He unashamedly pouted.

“Okay,” you said, this time sure. “Any particular reason?”

“There’s this freshman who thinks I flirt with her just because I’m nice to her and she’s creeping me out. I feel like she follows me around.”

You sighed. “She just has a crush on you, don’t be a baby.”

“Please?”

“I already said yes, you baby.”

“You kinda like calling me baby, don’t you?”

You playfully shoved him “You’re so annoying.” However, before he could leave to do whatever it was he did in his free periods, you grabbed him by the wrist. “Does Mary Jane know about your plan?”

“No. Why?”

“You arrived together.”

“Ah. No.” He shook his head. “I was looking for you and asked her if she had seen you.”

“Makes sense.”

“Yeah...”

You shifted on your feet. “So what now?”

“Do you have class next period?”

“Sadly.”

He chuckled. “I’ll walk you to class.”

“Wanna hang out with us for a little bit?”

“I gotta talk to Flash.”

You wiggled your eyebrows. “Gonna ask him out too?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m never telling you who I find attractive ever again.”

“Good. Don’t wanna make your girlfriend jealous — do you, babe?”

Peter leaned over. His breath fanned on your face as he said, “Don’t worry, baby, I only have eyes for you.” He then kissed your cheek. “I’ll be right back. Wait for me with Gwen and Mary Jane.”

You nodded, hoping you didn’t look as stunted as you felt.

Both your friends stared at you, desperate to hear an explanation. You understood why, but you were still trying to come up with an excuse as to why you were so flustered over a kiss on the cheek.

You checked your phone, but there was nothing worthy of your attention.

Mary Jane spoke first, “What did Peter need?”

“We are a thing now.”

Gwen hummed. “But what did he need?”

“Permission to make it public.”

Mary Jane scratched her cheek. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“You think he’d be a bad boyfriend?”

“I think you shouldn’t use him to make Harry notice you.”

That was harsh. Perhaps you deserved the reminder that Harry couldn’t care less about you, and perhaps you also deserved to feel bad for trying to use Peter against him — you would’ve preferred if the reminder didn’t come from your best friend.

“I’m not,” you partially lied. “I genuinely like Peter.”

True to his word, Peter walked you to class. You didn’t hold hands, it didn’t feel right, but he sweetly told you that he’d be waiting for you after your last class.

You saw Harry across the hallway, talking to Liz and one of her friends. For a second you thought he would walk towards you, the way he held your gaze had been almost cruel.

But he didn’t, he just gave you a nod and walked in the opposite direction, hand in hand with Liz.

You had better things to worry about. Your classes, your family’s expectations, helping Peter — reciprocal things to an extent. So why couldn’t you just get over the fact that Harry didn’t care about you?

Somebody poked you on the arm with their finger. Turning to the side, you found Flash who shot you a smile.

“What’s up?” you greeted him.

“We have a project to finish.”

You cursed under your breath. “Are you free on Sunday?”

“Nope.”

“Tomorrow?”

He tilted his head. “Yeah. I’ll drop by your place.”

“At what time?”

“Like 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Don’t wanna wake you up by mistake again.”

Peter laughed behind you, having caught that last part.

You ignored Peter. “I have something to do after 5. Why don’t you come over early? I promise I’ll be awake.”

Flash shared a look with Peter and then patted your shoulder. “Cool. See you tomorrow, sleeping beauty.”

Peter snickered, standing beside you now.

“Stop laughing.”

“I just can’t believe you’re that grumpy in the mornings.” He started walking towards the exit.

You walked beside him. “You don’t know the whole story.”

He opened the door for you and then followed your steps. “You can tell it tomorrow at dinner.”

Craning your neck go look at him, you asked, “You want your aunt to laugh at me?”

“I’ll defend you.”

You suddenly remembered that you didn’t know what you were supposed to do or say in front of his aunt. You had met her before, but that fact made this situation even more bizarre.

You tried to start with an easy question, “Should I wear a dress for tomorrow?”

“You can wear whatever you want,” he assured you.

Well, that wasn’t helpful at all.

════════════════════════

You checked the time on your phone and realized you had a message from Flash. He was on his way.

Looking around your bedroom, your eyes fell on the bed where a pile of clothes laid. The sight stressed you out, and even more the fact that you didn’t seem to be able to set your mind on an outfit.

You anxiously waited for Flash at the door, pulling it open the moment you were aware of his presence on the other side.

He lifted both eyebrows. You usually took your sweet time to answer the door.

“We sh—“

You interrupted him. “I need your help with something else first.”

Flash softly dropped the materials he had been carrying onto the couch as he gave you a skeptic look. “I’m not disposing of a body for you.”

You took him by the wrist, dragging him to your bedroom. It wasn’t an abnormal occurrence by any means, he honestly should have had expected it.

“God, not again.” He sighed as his eyes fell on the pairs of shoes scattered around the room.

“Come on, just tell me if I should wear that skirt.” You pointed at the black skirt on top of the mountain of clothing. “Or jeans.”

He opened his arms, unsure as to what to tell you as his hands stayed in an awkward angle.

“What would you want me to wear if I were meeting your family?” you encouraged him to help you.

He cocked his head, looking at you through his lashes. “A straight jacket.”

“Please take this seriously.”

Inhaling deeply, he set his eyes on the pile of clothes. “Is the skirt more comfortable than the jeans?”

“I’m not thinking about comfort.”

“Well, you should. You know May will make you squirm with her questions.”

“No skirt, then.”

“It’s just dinner,” Flash reminded you, “wear something casual.”

”Yeah,” you sighed, “just dinner.”

What an easy thing to say. You knew so few details that you might as well make a fool of yourself in front of May.

Flash ignored your semblance even though you knew he took note of it. He reached his hand into one of the bags he had been carrying then handed you a paper bag. “I brought breakfast.”

“Why didn’t you say so when you arrived?”

He glared at you. “Why don’t you get us something to drink instead?”

You ate breakfast sat on the living room floor while discussing your project. Flash wasn’t the most responsible person ever, but he was by far the best partner you ever had for a project.

However, his comment from earlier made you wonder something. Unable to hold it anymore, you asked, “How did you even know about the dinner?”

“Peter told me,” he answered simply.

“He did?”

“Why are you so shocked?”

You shrugged. “I thought we would wait a little bit longer.”

“Yeah, but it was bound to happen.”

“Don’t,” you warned him.

“Why not? I told you you’d end up having a crush on him.”

“Flaaaaaaaash!”

You hated to prove him right and although this was different, you wouldn’t lie and say Peter wasn’t attractive or crush material.

“Peter’s cool.”

“You don’t have to convince me, I’m already dating him.”

“I’m just pointing out that he’s an upgrade.”

There it was.

Flash took a dislike towards Harry when Harry started dating Liz which was normal because she was his ex, but it turned into vitriol really quickly.

Both Flash and Harry put Peter in an awkward situation the first few months. Now you didn’t know much about it — Harry complained about it with you at first, but he stopped.

“It’s different.”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?”

You frowned, looking into your half-empty cup of coffee.

“I can see through you.”

“Mary Jane told you her theory, didn’t she?”

“She thinks the same?” You nodded. He pensively hummed. “She didn’t tell me, to be honest. I’m only trying to look out for you and Peter.”

“I like him, I don’t know why you think I don’t.”

Flash didn’t spare you as he reminded you, “Because you said the same about your ex.”

“Yeah and look how that went!”

“(Name).”

“What?”

“Stop comparing guys you like to Harry and I promise you things will go well.”

He really could see right through you.

“I’ll stop. I promise.” Not knowing why, you added, “It’s not even that hard, Peter is... Peter. You know what I mean? Like how can you compare him to other people or other people to him?”

“Yeah, I get it.”

Oh no. “Do you like him?” you blurted.

Flash laughed softly. “Not in that way, no.”

“You sure? I don’t want things to be weird.”

“Peter might be handsome and cool,” he admitted, “but we wouldn’t work as a couple.”

“You think Peter and I would?” you incredulously asked.

“You will, yeah.”

You were truly nervous now. Not because of May’s potential questions or because you would have to lie — actually, you didn’t know where the nerves were coming from.

You just knew that Flash’s words resonated with you. He went from hating Peter to being his close friend which in your eyes meant he knew Peter better than anyone.

Did Flash know what Peter was hiding? Perhaps that was what he was alluding to when he assured you Peter and you would work as a couple.

The day went by extremely quickly. You weren’t mentally ready when Flash left or when you were on your way to Peter’s for that matter.

Peter was waiting for you in the lobby with hands in his pockets and shifty eyes.

“Is she like mad or something?” you asked instead of greeting him. You were ten minutes early so tardiness couldn’t be the issue.

He made a face, jerking his head as he gazed at you. He looked confused. “She’s just worried.”

What if she got angry at you when you hadn’t done anything? Peter told you to act normal, but normal you wasn’t madly in love with him.

As you approached the apartment, you found yourself thinking you were either going to ruin this or find out you deserved an academy award.

Peter opened the door and allowed you to come in first. May smiled at you before giving you a side hug in greeting.

“I brought dessert,” you told her as you parted from her.

“Oh, honey, you didn’t have to.”

Okay. Not angry yet.

She placed the dessert onto the table and motioned for you and Peter to sit.

Peter and you grabbed the chair at the same time. He opened his eyes wide, making you withdraw your hands immediately. He took the chair out for you.

Peter could be polite when he wanted, but you were getting worried. Since when did he treat the people he dated like this?

Nonetheless, you sat down.

May didn’t waste time and touched the subject pretty quickly. The moment she served dinner, she said, “I thought Peter was messing with me at first.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” he defended himself.

“Sure you wouldn’t,” she said sardonically.

“I thought he was messing with me when he asked me out, so I get it.”

Peter looked at you in shock and you unconsciously smiled at him.

May cooed. “I don’t understand why you two hid your relationship for months when you’re so cute together.”

“I didn’t want it to be awkward with our friends,” you quickly lied. “What if it didn’t work out or something?”

Your answer would have made sense if your relationship with Peter was real and that would be your strategy from now on. He couldn’t have a secret that would need you to lie that often.

May was so happy with your answers that the conversation deviated from you and Peter to everything but your love life.

You felt a little silly now, having expected the worst when Peter had already told you she was just worried.

He walked you to your car at the end of the night, something you guessed would become a common occurrence.

Things had gone well with May so you had no reason to think things wouldn’t go well with your friends.

You gnawed on the inside of your bottom lip. “Are things going to be awkward now?”

“Between us?”

You nodded. “I mean... saying shit is one thing, but you know...” God, you felt awkward already.

Peter frowned for a moment. “Give me your hand.”

Shifting on your feet, you asked, “You want your hand to be under mine or on top?”

“I don’t mind. You choose.”

You slid your arm under his, opening your palm but not touching him yet. He took the initiative and pressed his hand against yours.

“Is this okay?” he softly asked.

“Yes.”

He intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing a little bit. You huffed a laugh.

“This too?”

You nodded.

“Well, that’s the only thing that’ll change between us. We already hug pretty often.”

Oh, Peter gave the best hugs. Although Gwen was a close second, you preferred his because he was always warm. He also smelled good, but you had to give it to Gwen and admit she did too.

“I’ll see you on Monday, then, boyfriend.”

“Drive safe, girlfriend.” Before you could say anything, he added, “Text me when you get home.” Yet he didn’t let go of your hand immediately.

════════════════════════

Harry didn’t take the news of your relationship with Peter that well. The moment he saw you holding hands, he made his way towards you.

Peter squeezed your hand, easing your nerves. He was there, nothing could go wrong with Peter there.

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” Harry drily asked you.

“In twenty minutes or so,” you softly answered.

“Well, can I talk to you?”

You turned to Peter, hoping he’d save you from an awkward conversation. Sure, you wanted a reaction from Harry, but not an angry one!

“It’s okay, baby.” Peter kissed your hair as he let go of your hand. “I’ll see you later.”

With a shaky sigh, you motioned Harry to lead the way.

He immediately asked, “Why Peter?”

You stuttered. “I... things just happened.”

“Did they have to happen with my other best friend?”

In a twisted way, they had to. But you couldn’t possibly tell him that. “You didn’t care when Gwen had a crush on him, why is this any different?”

His eyes sharpened. “It just is.”

Many things just were. That didn’t mean anything. You wished you had the courage to reply.

As always, you gave him the upper hand and allowed him to make another question. “It’s not serious, right?”

What were you supposed to say? The thing that’d make him angry or the thing that’d pacify him? How selfish of you to be thinking about making Harry jealous when Peter needed this to be believable.

“It’s too soon to know.”

Harry hummed, softly nodding. “I’ll walk you to your class.”

You frowned. He had never done something like that.

“You’re coming to my birthday party, right?”

You almost tripped as you answered, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Cool. I’ll see you there.”

Thirteen-year-old you was right when she thought boys were confusing, but Harry surely took the cake. You assumed he’d ask you to hang out more often given his reaction, but there he was telling you —on a Monday— that he’d see you on Saturday.

Harry’s attitude soured your entire morning. If classes were already unbearable, he made you want to skip each one of them. Your friends noticed, but nobody said anything.

What a horrible morning and what a horrible week it would be until his stupid birthday party rolled around and you’d have to see him show his girlfriend off.

Your friends decided to go to the coffee shop near campus after class and although you weren’t in the mood for socializing, you would rather suck it up than be by yourself.

Besides, coffee shops were always a good place to do homework and you had quite a few projects accumulated.

Peter rested his head on your shoulder in the same way you always rested yours on Gwen’s. You threw your arm around his shoulders as you rested your eyes.

“Are you getting sleepy?” you whispered in case he was.

“No,” he mumbled. “But I don’t wanna move.”

“I have to pick up my sister from the mall in a couple of hours so you’ll have to.”

He whined.

“Who would’ve thought Peter would be a clingy boyfriend,” Gwen teased.

“Literally anybody who has ever seen him drunk,” Flash continued teasing him.

Peter was red. He shifted, trying to hide his face on your shoulder.

In all honesty, you didn’t mind if he was clingy or not. You had been told you were a little too effusive when it came to affection so you had a soft spot for people who were similar in any way.

You withdrew your arm from his shoulders in order to continue typing on your computer.

Peter went back to his previous position, facing your computer too. “You made a typo,” he told you. “Third line on the second paragraph.”

Mary Jane arrived late and she seemed to be in a bad mood so Gwen made up an excuse in front of your friend group as though she knew something you didn’t —she probably did— and took her home.

Looking at the time, you realized it was time for you to get going too so you started to put your things away.

‘I’m leaving with Flash,” Peter reminded you. “Text me or call me if you need me. I might not answer quickly because we’ll be playing video games but just try for a second time, okay?”

“Okay.”

He kissed your forehead. ”Drive carefully.”

You hummed. “Have fun, Pete.”

“You too, baby.”

Your mom didn’t give you many details when she asked you to pick your sister up. You didn’t even know with which friends she was hanging out with or why they were at the mall on a Monday and not somewhere more fun.

There you were, judging her like you hadn’t followed Harry like a puppy when you were her age.

She texted you that she was on her way to the entrance you were waiting at, telling you she had been all the way across.

It was probably a lie, but you’d let it slide.

Your sister tugged the door open and got into the car in silence, putting her cellphone away as she got comfortable.

“Did you have fun?”

She nodded and smiled at you.

You snickered and poked her cheek. “You have dried lipgloss all over your mouth.”

Your sister bashfully looked down.

You handed her a tissue. “Hey, it’s okay. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

She stayed silent for a small moment before worriedly asking, “Are you telling mom and dad?”

“No. But I’d like to know who it was.”

She whined. “Do I really have to tell you?”

You tried to put yourself in her shoes. You didn’t know how embarrassing it would have been for you to talk about your first kiss —or kisses— with a family member because nobody really cared when you started dating classmates.

But it didn’t sound fun so instead, you asked, “Are they your age?”

“Yup ”

“You promise?”

Realizing the question was serious, she nodded for emphasis. “Yes.”

“Cool. That’s all that matters.”

Your dad was home so you were forced to stay for dinner which again, was better than being on your own.

You couldn’t wait to either get together with Harry or over him. As things were going, you could only admit it would be the latter.

“Did your friend have a good birthday?”

Your sister looked at you before answering. “Yeah, we saw a movie.”

“What was the movie about?”

Your dad really tried to get along with both of you, you had to give him that. He was bad at it most of the time, but he tried.

Your phone started ringing. As you stared at the screen, you frowned. Unknown numbers rarely called you.

Hesitant, you answered, “Hello?”

“Hi, (Name),” May tried to speak sweetly. The moment you heard her voice, you stood up from your seat on the couch and left the living room. “Peter isn’t answering his phone, can you put him on the line for me?”

You walked into the adjacent studio, weirded out by her request. “He told you he’d be with me?”

“Isn’t he?”

“He is,” you said hurriedly, “I was just curious.”

“Can I talk to him now?” May laughed nervously.

“He went out to buy food and left his phone here. I’ll tell him to call you as soon as he’s back.”

“Thank you.”

You texted him multiple times as soon as May hung up.

May called. Where are you?

She sounded worried.

I had to lie and say you had gone out to buy food and forgot your phone in case she asks.

Hey.

Pete?

Dude, you’re scaring me.

PETER

Come on

Istg I will lose my shit if you’re messing with me

It’s not funny

You made your way towards the bathroom, needing to splash some water onto your face or something. Anything.

He couldn’t be so immersed in a video game as to not answer multiple calls or texts.

Why would Peter tell May he was with you when he could easily tell her he was with Flash? Was he not at Flash’s anymore?

Perhaps Flash would reply!

You texted him and called him dozens of times before giving up. You didn’t want to think the worst, maybe they were out buying something, but they could be in danger too.

Your hands started shaking pretty quickly when the idea of something happening to him overpowered your thoughts.

You needed to get out of that bathroom and back to the living room where a distraction could meet your anxiety before you went crazy.

So you splashed your face and bolted.

Back in the living room, you caught pieces of your dad’s conversation with your sister. He was boring her with business talk.

You had been in her place many times, and although his tone was more lighthearted with her because the expectations to follow in his footsteps were on you, it was clear he was trying to get her interested in things she didn’t even understand.

Your phone dinged. You immediately looked down.

Pete❤️: I’m okay

What the fuck, Peter?

Where were you?

Busy, sorry.

Did you call May?

Yeah.

Ok.

You didn’t know what else to say. ‘I had a shitty day and you almost gave me a panic attack’ didn’t sound appropriate. It would be truthful, but you couldn’t do that to him.

Where are you?

At my parents’.

He didn’t reply anymore so you locked the device and rested your head on the arm of the couch.

What a fucking day. If your week would be half as exhausting, you were ready to give up on the entire month in advance.

Remembering you were meant to ask if Mary Jane was okay, you unlocked your cellphone again.

As you finished typing your message to Gwen, one from Peter came through.

Can you come out for a few minutes?

Yeah. Give me a moment.

You took a deep breath, fixing your outfit as you slipped your phone into your pocket. You rounded the couch as you attempted to take the path towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” your sister asked.

“Outside. I need to give something to Peter.”

“Don’t take too long,” your dad told you.

You said a meek yes as if you were going to listen to him when you needed to inspect Peter from head to toe just to make sure he was truly okay.

You couldn’t bring yourself to speak as Peter slowly approached you. To his credit, he looked fine so he hadn’t lied.

He spoke first, as he should have, “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad,” you mumbled.

He gave you a look.

Clearing your throat, you opened your arms only to slap your hands against your thighs in defeat. “You had me worried sick.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“Are you going to tell me where were you?”

“I can’t.”

You scoffed. “So I have to cover for you without even knowing what the hell I’m covering?”

He whispered your name, placing his hand on your cheek as he tried to make you look at him.

You closed your eyes. “I don’t mind lying for you,” you softly said, meaning it like you had never meant anything else in your entire life. “But don’t I deserve to know why I’m lying?”

He brought you onto his chest, holding you tight against him. “You do deserve to know,” he admitted. “And I’ll tell you everything, but not tonight.”

You were scared to ask why.

════════════════════════

Peter draped his arm over your shoulder, holding you close to him as the two of you stood with your group of friends.

You hadn’t been in that place in a long time but still remembered where every room was. You also knew in which one Harry would fuck Liz at the end of the night.

You took a sip of alcohol. It didn’t taste like much — a bad sign.

Your eyes fell on the beer pong table. A guy you didn’t recognize and Harry were playing against Mary Jane and Flash. That was a bad sign too.

“I’m gonna refill my cup,” you whispered in Peter’s ear, “do you want me to refill yours?”

He shook his head. “I’ve still got plenty.”

It took you a moment to move and he didn’t make a sign to having found it weird.

The kitchen was quieter, not by much but the change was nice. Something you had always disliked about Harry was his taste in music.

You crashed against a thin body.

Liz took you by the waist and you awkwardly placed your hand on her hip, each of you steadying the other. “Sorry,” both of you apologized at the same time.

“I was distracted,” you insisted.

She took her hands off you and you did the same. Liz extended her hand so she could refill your cup for you.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said as she refilled your cup. “Harry thought you wouldn’t come.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “You know how he is.”

You didn’t. Not anymore. You took your cup from her, thanking her before bringing it to your lips.

“Well, we’re all here,” you said in pretended optimism. “And we’re all having fun.”

She smiled, looking as pretty as ever. “Damn right we are!”

You went back to Peter while Liz took off to talk to some of her friends. Once again, he threw his arm over your shoulders, hand almost brushing your chest as it dangled.

Mary Jane was back, bored of playing. Flash asked Peter to team up with him. Peter removed his arm from you, telling you he’d be back.

You focused on Peter as he rolled his sleeves on his way to the table.

Feeling something move in your pocket, you took your cellphone out. Your dad was calling.

“I need to take this call,” you told your friends.

The air was cold in comparison to the inside of the house. You let your dad call again and answered the phone, already expecting some kind of bad news.

To his credit, he sounded disappointed while telling you the plans the family had made for the next day were cancelled. He said your mom was upset.

As a child you often heard excuses for his absence. He was busy, his success depended on sacrifices, he tried his best so you and your sister could have everything you wanted.

Harry always told you to be grateful that you had loving parents. You weren’t sure you had the same definition of love.

You still assured your dad you weren’t angry and promised to spend the day with your mom and sister. His silence as an answer to your offer was a reminder that he didn’t believe you were capable of fixing meaningful problems.

You didn’t show how much it hurt you, there was no point. He meant well, your mom and sister did too.

Leaving the party sounded appealing, but your friends didn’t deserve it. You sucked it up and went back to the house.

Peter and Flash were bumping fists when you approached the area. They had won the game.

You went directly to the couch, not in the mood for dancing. Peter walked towards you, fixing his hair.

Sitting down, he twisted his upper body. “Is everything okay?”

“My dad just cancelled tomorrow’s family plans and said mom’s kinda upset.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“Neither am I.” You changed the subject, “I’m surprised you won that game, though.”

“You don’t have faith in me?”

You swiped your tongue across your bottom lip. “I never said that. But you have to admit you’ve never been one for taking part in games. Last time I saw you play something, you got your ass handed to you by Flash.” Twisting your mouth, you tilted your head. He looked down. “You’ve never played sports, right?”

He didn’t answer.

You insisted, “Right?”

He hummed, nodding at the same time as though it made any sense.

“Were you even listening?”

“No,” he quickly admitted. “Can I kiss you?”

Oh. He had been looking down at your mouth.

He caught you off guard. You couldn’t say no, though, you didn’t want to say no. “Yes,” you answered him.

He started slow and sweet, with his hand on your cheek as the other rested on his lap. You didn’t know what to do with your hands, so you just closed your eyes and kissed him back, following his rhythm.

He slowly build the kiss up, sucking your bottom lip between his. Gripping the front of his sweatshirt, you boldly bit down his bottom lip in return.

Peter wrapped his free arm around you then he brought you closer, flush against him. His tongue tried to pry your mouth open in the exact moment you were about to do the same. Your tongues clashed together and instead of turning it all awkward, it only prompted you to grab him by the hair.

Peter hummed on your mouth and continued kissing you. Now he had both hands on your body, holding you tightly by the waist.

Maybe you could take him to another room, maybe you could feel his hands on you without the burden of your clothes.

His vice grip on you made you feel like floating and you suddenly wondered why you hadn’t made out with Peter before. It didn’t have to be anything serious, it didn’t have to go past messing around.

He was attractive, so were you. Why hadn’t you seen it before? Why had you denied yourself this when he was so good at kissing and his touch was so rough you were sure he would leave marks? And you wanted him to do it, you wanted him to let himself loose on you.

Fuck, you were getting horny over your fake boyfriend.

And as if he knew exactly what was going on inside your hazy mind, he attached his lips to your neck. It was over, you were done — it would be a failure if you didn’t manage to take him to a private room or back to your apartment.

Resting a hand on his thigh as you pushed yourself over, you felt the vibration of his throat as he whimpered while you kissed him.

Something buzzed under your hand, prompting both of you to part. Panting, you stared at each other for a moment. His hair was a mess and he had never looked prettier.

He withdrew a hand from your body to take his cellphone out. You knew the mood had completely been killed when he sighed and locked the device.

“I need to do something,” he announced as he stood up. “I’ll be back.”

What? You didn’t have a chance to react, he just left you there, hot and bothered.

════════════════════════

You padded your way toward the kitchen for the second time since you had gone to bed. Sleep wasn’t necessarily elusive that night, but you found yourself waking up every hour.

Turning the lights on, you looked at the time. Almost 4:00 am. You filled a glass with water and slowly drank it.

You knew the tough day you had with your family was still doing a number on you even though you had left early, you also knew you should have been used to it by now.

Tapping against glass took you out of your mind, bringing you goosebumps. As the sound continued, you realized it was coming from the living room.

You considered going back to your room and locking yourself up which sounded safer, but curiosity overpowered logic.

A figure loomed over the windowpane. You wondered if your mind was tricking you — you lived in the fifth floor.

The figure became clearer as you got closer to the window. You let out a relieved sigh. Spider-Man waved. You tilted your head — why would Spider-Man want to visit you?

Maybe he was hurt and needed help.

You opened the window. “Can I help you?”

He nodded upward, letting you know he needed to come in. You let him, moving to the side.

He took the liberty to close the window once he was inside. You stood before him, assuming he would verbally tell you what he needed.

He wasn’t hurt from what you could see. He walked just fine, his breath wasn’t ragged... You were more confused now.

Reaching to the back of his head, Spider-Man took the mask off. Brown eyes bore into yours.

“You wanted to know what I was hiding...” Peter trailed off.

“You’re joking.”

He stepped closer to you. “I’m not.”

He had to. His sense of humor wouldn’t match a joke like this, but he had to.

The suit didn’t look like a cheap costume, but there had to be another explanation. Yes, it made sense — every time he disappeared out of nowhere and worried you sick, those days he sported black eyes or cuts on his face... but you didn’t want this to be the truth.

You dragged your finger down his arm to feel the texture of the suit.

Peter took a deep breath.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

“It’s okay, baby,” he huskily said. When he got no answer, Peter added, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you baby.”

You inhaled deeply. “I get it, you’re getting used to it.”

He hummed, eyes on you as he sighed.

You placed your hand on his bicep. “Are you okay, Pete? I’m not going to tell anybody if that’s what worries you.”

His hands found their place on your waist. You leaned closer, seeking his warmth. Peter opened his mouth to say something, then decided against it.

He leaned in and kissed you, tentative as he gave you time to push him off you. But you didn’t, why would you?

You ran your hand through his hair as you kissed him back, already familiar with the shape of his lips and the warmth of his mouth.

He pushed you onto the wall as he shoved his tongue inside your mouth. His kiss became sloppy while his hands started wandering down.

He gripped your thighs, bringing your legs up so you’d wrap them around his waist. Both of you ground against the other, sloppily kissing. You could hear the sound your mouths were making and feel his hot breath on your face.

He was driving you crazy.

Peter didn’t stop there. Giving you room to breathe, he lowered his mouth to your neck where he took his time to find your sweet spot.

You felt his fingers up your thigh, where he played with the edge of your sleeping shorts.

He kissed, sucked, and licked his way up to your ear. “Is this okay?”

You hummed against his mouth before kissing him again pawing at his suit, desperate to feel his skin under your fingertips. Frustrated, you broke the kiss. “How do you even take this thing off?”

He chuckled and gave you another kiss. “I’ll teach you.”

“Are you gonna strip for me?” you joked. Why were you making jokes right now?

Peter tilted his head. “Is that what you want?”

The idea wasn’t bad at all, yet you answered truthfully, “I just want to touch you.”

He didn’t deny you anything that morning. You couldn’t remember the last time you enjoyed yourself that much with a sexual partner.

You didn’t leave an inch of his body untouched, relishing in his reactions. He wasn’t ashamed to tell you if he liked something, or to ask you to touch him firmly.

Peter didn’t hold back either. All he wanted was you and you weren’t complaining. He gripped you tightly and sucked on your skin as much as he was able to.

There would be bruises on you by the next day, and there would be scratches on him if his powers didn’t heal him quickly.

You liked this side of him, the side that fucked you into the mattress and groaned above you. He wasn’t scared of breaking you or hurting you — for a moment you wondered how it would feel if he did it.

He came on your belly then cleaned you up afterwards which was more than appreciated. You weren’t even sure you could speak properly when he asked if you needed water.

He brought you a glass either way, of course he did.

The sun was up when you were done, too tired to move and too spent to complain. Peter was back on the bed, warm body pressed against yours.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No,” you tiredly answered. “I’m good.”

He held you tighter, laying his head on your chest.

You lazily dragged your fingers down his spine. “Is everything okay?”

“It was a long night,” he told you in a low voice.

You chose to believe he had visited because he thought you could provide him comfort, and you also decided that you always could — that you were okay with doing so. Even if most things about your relationship were fake, this one didn’t have to be.

════════════════════════

Peter and you never talked about it, and although you would have liked to hear the reasons behind his actions that night, you didn’t need to because it continued happening.

Having sex made pretending easier. He always had an arm around you or a hand on your body around your friends and by now you not only were used to his touch but sought it.

You often woke up next to him, sometimes clothed and sometimes naked. He always woke up before you, but he never left immediately. You wanted to know why.

Flash had been right to assume you’d develop a crush on Peter and now you had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t just a crush anymore.

You worried about him and wanted to be around him every second of every day, you liked hearing him tell you about his classes and his day — you liked that he always asked about yours, that he was willing to drop things for you because you would drop everything to be there for him.

Covering for him became a reflex. You had an inkling that May knew you were lying sometimes, but she never said anything according to Peter.

Your friends were happy with the development of your relationship which would have been lovely if this was real. But now you worried that the supposed breakup would disrupt your friend group.

It was hard not to think about it. The day would surely come and you’d be by yourself most of the time again. As if that was the only problem.

And problems continued rolling onto you. The last person you expected to see was at your door.

Harry gave you a smoldering look as you stood speechless. “Are you letting me in?”

You did.

He sat down on the couch, making himself at home even though he had barely visited your apartment.

“I thought you were sick,” he said in reference to the fact that you cancelled plans with your friends the day before.

“I was busy.”

Disgust contorted his face as his eyes fell on your neck. “Busy fucking my best friend?”

You flinched at his tone.

“I should’ve known you were only spending time with him because you wanted to get him into your bed.”

He said it as though you were the type of person to fuck anybody you met, as though you hadn’t rejected people because they weren’t him specifically.

“Believe it or not,” you coldly lied, “I started dating him months and not days before your birthday. You would’ve known about it if you talked to me.”

“Rubbing it on my face, aren’t you? Do you know how embarrassing it was to hear you were making out with him at my house after I told my friends multiple times that you were off limits?” He was seething, expelling droplets of saliva as he reproached you.

“Why would you do that in the first place? You knew I’d end up dating somebody who goes to the same school as us.”

“Why would you go for my best friend specifically? Don’t you care about my relationship with him?”

“Is this what our friendship has come to be? A reproaching fest?”

“You’re the one who crossed the line.”

“Harry, you didn’t have a problem when half our friend group drooled over him!”

“Because that’s different. I know Peter, he’s not right for you.”

You incredulously scoffed. “Funny how you’re the only one who says that.”

“I’ve never been wrong about the guys you’ve dated.”

Well, you couldn’t argue against that. But Flash was right, those guys hadn’t been the problem — the fact that you compared them to Harry was.

“Let time prove either of us right.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“What?”

“You promised nobody would ever be more important than me.”

You both promised a lot of things as kids... that you would never bring dates to an event you could attend together, that you would attend the same college, that you would be part of the same friend group your entire lives, that you would tell each other everything...

“I’m not saying Pete is more important than you, I’m j—“

“Break up with him, then.”

“You’re making it sound like I have to choose between you and him.”

“Because you have to.” When he didn’t get an answer, he added. “I’ll give you time to think it through.”

You wanted to do anything but think. You wanted to have your best friend back — you didn’t care if he was jealous anymore, you never should have. You weren’t Liz, it was okay, he liked her and you liked somebody else.

“Harry, come on...”

But Harry walked himself out and forced your words to die in your throat.

You never thought he would be as angry as you wanted him to be. You got your anger and your jealousy and your dilemma. He had it all clear, you were the idiot who had to get into this mess.

A shower and a portion of your comfort food later, you decided that you couldn’t be inside your head right now and left your apartment.

It was drizzling. Such a perfect weather to be inside doing everything or nothing alike.

You loved being by yourself at your place. The plan for the day had been just that. But as always, Harry made you change them.

Chastising yourself for forgetting your phone at home, you knocked on the door in front of you.

The door opened and you were greeted with a smile.

You wished you could’ve smiled back. “Hi, May, is Peter home?”

She motioned for you to come in. “He’s in his room. Do you want something to drink?”

“Not now, thank you.”

You knocked on his door, hoping he would answer before May could tell something was wrong with you.

Peter yelled for you to come in. You were an idiot, he probably had heard you talking to his aunt.

Pushing the door open, you stuck your head in. “It’s me,” you softly said just to make sure you had his permission to come in.

“Come in, baby.”

God, not that pet name. Not now.

You closed the door behind you before facing him. He was sat at his desk, writing something down on a notebook as he looked at the computer screen.

Approaching him, you leaned in to see what he was doing. You didn’t understand much of it, science was his thing.

He rotated the chair to face you. “What’s up? You didn’t text me...”

“Forgot my phone at home.”

Peter frowned and dropped his pen on top of the notebook before standing up to move towards his bed. “Are you alright?”

Did you look that bad? You weren’t wearing makeup, but he had seen your bare face plenty of times to be weirded out.

“Can I have a hug?”

Now sat on the bed, Peter opened his arms and legs so you’d make yourself at home between them.

And you did. You hugged yourself to him as tightly as you could, afraid he would let go at any moment.

He didn’t let go, you should have known he wouldn’t — your mind was playing tricks with you, that was it.

“What happened? Why are you upset?”

You didn’t have the heart to tell him. Not yet, not when you were scared he would cut you off from his life just because Harry thought it was for the best.

“Had a long day yesterday and didn’t want to be alone today,” you mumbled.

“Why don’t we watch a movie?” he offered. “I’ll let you pick which one we watch while I go get some snacks.”

You whined. “I don’t wanna move.”

“It’s just like ten minutes. We’ll cuddle the entire runtime.”

“You promise?”

He kissed your forehead. “I promise.”

It amazed you how easy it was to trust him, to like him, to want to be with him no matter the moment or the activity.

It took you longer to pick a movie than it took him to come back. You didn’t want any snacks, but you still took them because you didn’t want him to worry too much.

You would worry on your own later.

Peter hugged you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. His hands rested on your belly as he watched the movie, giving you butterflies every time he laughed against your skin.

How were you supposed to give this up when it felt so good?

════════════════════════

Mary Jane sat across from you, playing with the glass between her hands. She was listening to you, but by the way she was tapping her fingers against the glass, she was dying to interrupt.

You went on and on because you still couldn’t believe Harry would make you choose between him and somebody else. It didn’t even make sense when he had thrown you and Peter to the side when he started dating Liz.

When her time came, Mary Jane spoke, “You shouldn’t care about what Harry says.”

“I care more about the fact that I ran to Peter like a fucking idiot.”

“He’s your boyfriend.”

You knew she was trying to be the voice of reason, but no, he wasn’t. That made it worse. “But doesn’t it make it look like I already chose?”

“Kinda,” she conceded. “But that’s not a bad thing necessarily.”

“Harry and I grew up together.”

“And Peter fucks you stupid. They have different roles in your life.”

You remained silent. Your cup was already empty and you didn’t need more caffeine. In fact, a soothing tea would have been a better choice — you needed to drive after this once your sister was done with her friends.

“Do you still like Harry or something? I will kill you if you say yes.”

You got that from her tone, she didn’t have to tell you. “I don’t know.”

“But you like Peter more... Right?”

“Yeah, I do.” Maybe liking was selling it short at this point.

Peter didn’t make you choose, and if anything between you were real he wouldn’t make you choose either. You were so sure that you would’ve bet your own life on it.

That fact was a problem. Why couldn’t Harry be like Peter?

“Maybe I need another opinion,” you mused out loud.

“Gwen will tell you the same.”

“What about Flash? Maybe if he had all the details...”

“Flash will try to convince you to kill Harry in his sleep.”

“You think so?” Of course he would, but you were desperate.

“He’s team Peter all the way. Honestly, I would think they have something going on if Peter wasn’t so into you.”

You avoided looking at her. “What should I do?”

“What do you want?”

“Just... I don’t know. About what? From what?”

“Do you want to choose?”

“No.”

“You could choose neither of them.”

“But—“ You shook your head.

“No, say it.”

“I can’t.”

Mary Jane wouldn’t pressure you to talk, she wasn’t that kind of person.

“At least tell Peter about it before Harry does,” she advised.

“I’ll tell him once I’m done here.”

It was late when your sister met you at your table. Mary Jane had left two hours earlier and you had even entertained yourself looking around a few stores and come back.

You drove in silence, allowing her to talk if she wanted to. Maybe asking something would’ve been better, but you didn’t have the energy to find out who your sister was dating or why she had decided to hide it.

Enough was already on your plate, and you needed to trust her, unlike your parents.

Stopping the car, you waited for her to get inside. Your mom hurried outside the moment she opened the door and walked towards your car.

She made you a sign with her hand, asking you to roll the window down.

With a sigh, you indulged her.

“Dinner tomorrow,” she drily told you. “You should bring Peter, I think it’s time your dad meets him.”

“Mom, I’m not marrying him or something like that.”

“I don’t care. Bring him.”

Great. Another fucking problem you had to deal with now. Your dad had always been clear on the type of person he wanted for you and Peter was not it. A shame, really.

“I’ll ask if he isn’t busy,” you compromised.

She looked happy with that. Your mom wished you a good night and turned around. You watched her get inside the house, wondering if she truly wanted you there the next day or not. You never knew with her.

You didn’t get to talk to Peter that night. Instead of telling him you wanted to see him so you could talk in person, you told him your parents wanted to have dinner with him.

Peter said yes immediately and asked about the dress code. God, you didn’t even want to think about clothes.

And with good reason — it wasn’t fair that everything suited him. There was no color or style Peter couldn’t pull off.

But it was probably for the best, he’d make a good impression that way.

You wanted your dad to like him and your sister to trust him and your mom to laugh at his lame jokes. You wanted them to see the person you desperately wanted to be in your life until your last day alive.

Truthfully, you didn’t care if he had feelings for you like you did for him. You enjoyed being around him, his friendship was enough.

The surprise the two of you got when Norman and Harry stood up to greet you was extremely hard to hide.

Norman gave you and Peter a warm smile. “I told Harry to bring his girlfriend, but he didn’t listen to me.”

You shifted on your feet, using Peter as leverage to ground yourself by squeezing his fingers between yours.

Your mom smiled tightly. “Next time it will be.”

Much like Flash did with you, Norman talked wonders about Peter to your parents.

You avoided looking at Harry with the pretense of being polite by gazing at whoever was speaking. Such gesture didn’t sit well with him and he showed it by standing up and walking towards you.

Harry inhaled deeply. “Can we talk in private?”

Unconsciously, you turned to look at Peter. He patted your thigh in encouragement.

“Sure,” you feigned enthusiasm.

You walked across the house in silence, wishing he would tell you to forget about what he said before.

Harry stared at you as you looked around the backyard. Not only were you avoiding speaking first, but you were confused as to when the lighting fixtures had been changed.

The spot you were awkwardly standing at had witnessed many secrets being exchanged between you. Perhaps it would be witness and accomplice of your fallout too.

“So you’ve made your choice.”

“Harry...”

His furious eyes bored into yours. “Why the fuck did you bring him?”

“I wanted to,” you confessed. “Mom told me I should and I agreed.”

“We never bring dates tho dinners like these. We promised,” he reminded you.

“He’s not just a date, this is different.”

“I didn’t invite Liz because I keep my promises.”

“You didn’t invite Liz because you didn’t want to.” You hated that he couldn’t own up to his mistakes with her when he loved her so much. “Stop holding a stupid promise I made when I was six against me.”

“You wouldn’t have liked it if I brought her here while you were single.”

“You stopped talking to me the moment you started dating her. I would’ve expected it.”

“So you went and tricked my best friend into a relationship.”

Was that he thought about you? That you manipulated or forced people to be around you?

“Your best friend? You barely talk to him anymore, Harry. And don’t you dare tell me it’s Liz’s fault.”

He ignored your first comment. “Now I will get in trouble with her for not taking her here if she sees pictures.”

“Call her and tell her the truth. Or blame me, I don’t care.”

“It is your fault,” he bitingly said, “you brought him to something special for us.”

“I didn’t even know you’d be here! And honestly, you should be happy for me.”

“I would be if he wasn’t my best friend.”

“Again with that...” You sighed, hoping you could find the right words. “I don’t want to choose, Harry, and it fucking hurts that you from all people are putting me in this situation God knows why.”

“I’ve told you before, it’s because Peter is—“

You interrupted him, “Peter being your best friend doesn’t matter, he’s not going to drop you like you dropped us.”

“I know I dropped you for a while, but Liz needed my attention.”

You didn’t blame him for focusing more on her, or for wanting to spend most of his time with her, but you knew for a fact that Liz made time for her friends; Harry could’ve done the same.

You started tearing up There was the problem, Harry couldn’t make time for you or Peter or Gwen even when he was free.

Harry stammered, but not a single word came out of his mouth after that. It only made you cry harder. Did he not care even a little bit?

“I’ll give you a moment alone,” he finally mumbled.

You walked further down the backyard, cursing yourself for crying and for wearing uncomfortable shoes. You were supposed to look pretty and taller, not to ruin your makeup and walk around furniture and plants.

You sat on the couch before deciding to lay down on your side. You used to do that when you were a kid too. You’d wait for the pool to be ready in that position and you would lay on your back when you wanted your mom to ask if something was wrong.

Right now, you weren’t sure what you wanted. You definitely didn’t want to talk to whoever the approaching steps belonged to.

You still looked up as a figure stood before you.

Peter crouched down and reached over to wipe your tears. The gesture made more tears come out.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, placing a hand on your waist and slipping his other hand to your back to make you sit up. He sat down beside you. “Come here.”

Peter brought you closer, making you rest your head on his shoulder.

“I don’t understand why he’s making me choose between you and him,” you lamented.

“He is?”

Fuck. You had assumed Harry had told him and that was why he was there. “I didn’t know how to tell you...”

Humming, he rubbed your arm up and down. “You can tell him the truth if you want.”

You lifted your head off his shoulder, searching for his eyes. He didn’t seem to mean it in a bad way. You shook your head.

“Are you sure? I can tell him if you want.”

“It would be pointless.”

“I don’t like seeing you cry.”

“We should change the subject then.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I just...” Peter pursed his lips, second-guessing his next words. “It pains me to see you upset.”

“Peter,” you pleaded, “don’t do this to me.”

“Don’t do what?”

“You’re making everything more difficult than it already was.”

He slanted his head, taken aback. “Because I care about you?”

“Because I think I’m in love with you.”

Peter blinked rapidly before his eyes started dancing all over your face as though he was waiting for you to say something else.

But you didn’t have much to say anymore. All your cards were on the table. Although you had to admit his lack of response would drive you insane if he continued looking at you like that.

“You don’t have to say anything,” you lied. “I’m okay with being just friends. I just thought you should know.”

“No, no, no.” He shook his head, taking himself out of his self-absorption. “I feel the same, I promise! But... I don’t want to ruin your friendship with Harry.”

“So you’re making me choose too?”

“No. I just don’t want you to regret being in a real relationship with me because you lost your best friend.”

“It wouldn’t be your fault.”

“Yeah, you’re right...” Peter looked up at the sky and huffed a laugh.

You mirrored his movement. The sky was clear, allowing you the privilege to gaze at the stars.

“Remember that night I walked you to your place and we stopped in the middle of the street to look at the stars?”

You giggled. You had been on the verge of crying that night after Harry ditched you for Liz if it hadn’t been because Gwen distracted you. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Should I have kissed you that night?”

You weren’t sure, it was hard to know if you would’ve kissed back or not. You wanted to believe you wouldn’t have, but who knew. “Does it matter?”

“No.” Peter twisted his body and cupped your cheek so you’d look at him. You softly smiled at him and he gave you a small kiss. “Not anymore.”

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x plus size reader #peter parker

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outercrasis · 3 years

Text

Sessions

Pairing: College!Din Djarin x F!Reader

Rating: Mature (18+)

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: References to sex, masturbation (nothing actually occurs)

Summary: After meeting Mando, you just can’t seem to get him out of your head. (events directly follow Introductions)

A/N: Thanks for the kind reception to the first post of this AU! I’ll be making a masterlist soon for easier navigation :) Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future posts or if I’ve missed a warning.

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Lingering Impressions

Your day ended up being an exhausting one. Mando had been your most exciting session for more reasons than just the obvious. You'd reviewed the papers of two freshmen, a junior who wanted you to basically write their paper for them, and another graduate student who disregarded every suggestion you made. Needless to say, Mando's gratitude felt extra special after all of that.

Getting home, you're greeted with the welcome smell of something delicious coming from the kitchen as you throw yourself face-first into the couch. The open floorplan of your tiny two bedroom apartment allows Layla to spot you as you wander in.

"Hello to you too!" she calls over. "I'm making chicken marsala."

You lift your head up from the watermelon-shaped throw pillow to smile at her. "You are a saint and I don't deserve you."

"You totally don't," Layla teases back, happily returning to the stove. You flip over on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone while she finishes making dinner. A comfortable silence fills the room, interrupted only by Layla's hums and the discordant sounds of cooking.

Layla has been your roommate since your sophomore year of college, randomly paired together by the dorm sorting system and inseparable ever since. The two of you clicked, a friendship forged over the awkwardness of early adulthood and a shared love of terrible reality TV. Both of you keep busy schedules while pursuing your respective master’s degrees and help each other out where you can. Making dinners for each other is just a part of that.

It’s not long before Layla brings over two steaming plates of food to lay out on your thrifted coffee table. She sits opposite you, preferring to sit on the floor rather than the couch. You’re eager to dig in, groaning at the first bite.

“I’ll take that as a thank you,” Layla grins, tucking into her own meal.

“God yes.”

“Long day then?”

You groan again, this time in irritation rather than pleasure. “Yes. I don’t know how many more know-it-all grad students I can deal with.”

She’s heard all about your nightmare sessions with students that think they already know everything. You’ve questioned more than once why they bother booking the session if they're just going to ignore your advice and decide their paper is perfect as is. It seems like a total waste of time for both you and them.

Layla sympathizes and shares her own gripes about some of the assholes she's forced to put up with while working on her research project. After all, no group project is complete without the one person who does nothing but acts like they know everything. Giving each other time to vent another small way the two of you take care of each other.

As you think back on your day and sessions your mind inevitably drifts to Mando. He hadn’t been anything like you’d expected. He was kind in his own way and by far the most amenable session you’d had all day. Not taking off the helmet was odd, as was not giving out his real name, but neither of those had really bothered you when it came down to it. If anything, they only serve to fascinate you further.

“Did something else happen today?” Layla asks, a spark lighting up in her eyes. She can always read you, something that can be either a blessing or a curse depending on what it is you're hiding. You take a few more bites before answering, already anticipating her reaction.

“Well I might have also met Mando today,” You try to throw it out there casually, hoping that if you treat it as though it’s not a big deal she’ll follow your lead. You should have known better.

“You what!? Tell me everything,” Layla screeches at you from across the coffee table. She pushes her food off to the side, clearly deciding that your unexpected meeting with campus's resident celebrity is far more important.

"He came in for a session. His paper was really good, it-"

Layla is quick to cut you off. "I literally couldn't care less about that and you know it. Tell me about him, what's he like? Is he terrifying?"

You can’t help but snort at that. You know why she asked of course - the rumors flying around about him getting out of hand these days - but when you think about him now they all seem ludicrous. The gentle way he spoke to Grogu and offered his hand out to the kid before leaving. The sincerity in his voice as he spoke to you, eager to hear any advice you had to give him. No. Mando was decidedly not terrifying. “He’s… just a guy,” you tell her, not really sure how to explain his unique presence.

The eyeroll you receive in response is warranted. “Are you kidding me right now? You probably know more about him than anyone else on campus and you’re going to tell me he’s just a guy?”

You shrug, shoveling another bite of food into your mouth. “I don’t know what to tell you Lays, I only spent an hour with him. He was nice, really sweet with his kid, and I’ll probably never see him again.”

You’re not sure why you feel a quick sting in your chest at that thought. It wasn’t like you knew him well or that he even owed you anything. Considering the fact that you’d gone weeks without so much as glimpsing him on campus you’d probably only have another chance to see him if he signed up for another session and there was no guarantee he’d return.

“So the kid thing is true?” Layla asks.

“Yeah. Really cute kid, pretty quiet.” Very quiet now that you think of it. You don’t have much experience with kids that young, but you’re certain kids Grogu’s age can talk. He hadn’t said so much as a word, only letting out an occasional noise or two. It was odd, but then he could just be shy or something. Another question you’d probably never have an answer for.

“Is the kid his?” Layla presses.

“I don’t know, it didn’t exactly come up while we discussed his paper on unique material applications,” you snap back at her. You wince a little at your sharp reply. It wasn’t deserved. Layla was simply curious and now the victim of your long day and swirling thoughts.

You quickly follow up with an apology. “Sorry. I just- I had a long day and I really didn’t learn much about him, okay?”

There’s a small sense of relief when Layla nods, backing down from her inquisition. “It’s cool, I get it. Just promise you’ll tell me if you see him again?”

“Yeah, I’ll let you know.”

The rest of the night passes like usual. You wash up after dinner, a fair trade since Layla cooked, and the two of you get to tackling homework that’s begun to pile up with the semester entering its full swing. Nighttime study sessions have been a regular occurrence since your undergrad days and have only intensified while pursuing your respective graduate degrees. It’s more about solidarity and accountability than shared workload, what with your program being in English and Layla’s in Marketing, but it’s nice. Simply having company is better than doing it all by yourself.

Around 10:30 you call it, eyes bleary from staring at your laptop. Layla is deep into a PDF reading so you leave her to her work and shuffle off to the shared bathroom. While the water heats, you brush your teeth lazily, going through the motions of your nightly routine. You test the water with your hand before deciding it’s warm enough to step in.

Your thoughts drift aimlessly as you stand under the hot stream, unfocused until they land back on him. It’s like you can’t help yourself, the way your thoughts have been returning to him all night. You’ve puzzled about him before, but only in the abstract. A hypothetical more than a real person. Wondering if rumors are true isn't quite the same as wondering about the man himself.

All throughout the night he kept popping up. One moment you would be considering the symbolic use of color in your assigned reading and the next you would be puzzling over Mando’s favorite color. Maybe orange, if his gloves were anything to go by. Layla's favorite song played and while she sang along you couldn't help wondering what kind of music he listens to. Rock probably, or was that too on the nose? As you sipped your drink you wondered what his drink of choice would be, alcoholic or not. Did he even drink alcohol at all? Something told you he wasn’t much for losing his inhibitions.

It's all the little things, all the little details that actually make up a person that no one bothers to speculate about that consume you now. Who cares about his favorite movie or favorite food when you can guess on whether or not he's been to jail?

As you wash the grime of the day from your body, your mind continues to drift further, settling onto the first thing that captured your attention earlier today. His hands. Those gorgeous sun soaked hands, how fluidly they moved across his keyboard. The firm hold of them when he shook your hand.

Eyes fluttering closed, you can't help imagining that it's his hands skating across your skin. You can almost feel the gentle roughness of them, the way he'd squeeze and hold you - tight, but not so hard that it hurts. Almost unconsciously, your hand begins to drift down your body, only to be interrupted by a pounding on the bathroom door. Your eyes snap open, confusion and embarrassment replacing your fantasy.

"Hurry up in there! I need to pee," Layla yells through the door.

You grumble in response, knowing she can't hear you, but quickly finish your shower. It's not quite as relaxing anymore, flustered by your wanton thoughts.

Getting back into your room, you check your email before setting your alarms for tomorrow. There’s the usual spam from online stores reminding you of limited time deals, a reminder that rent is due next week (lovely), and a couple generic university emails. Your eyes fall to your new tutoring appointment emails and you flick through them mindlessly to clear them out, knowing they’ll all automatically appear on your calendar.

Just as you’re about to close out of the app and get some well needed rest, a new email pops through. It’s another appointment alert scheduled for next week. You tap to open it and your heart flutters when you read the name on the form. Mando. No need to wonder about if you’d ever see him again now. You’d be seeing him Tuesday at 3 PM. Somehow you know he won’t miss his appointment.

×××××

Din is exhausted. Between Grogu, classes, and trying to find ways to make money, he barely has enough time to do basic functional adult things. Things like showering regularly, eating more than a required minimum of once a day, or heaven help him sleep.

He wishes he could afford a regular babysitter, allow himself some occasional reprieve but it's not possible. He makes just enough to keep the bills paid and at least Grogu's stomach full. There's also an ever present paranoia about letting a stranger into his home, much less to watch his son. Only Paz and Cara have ever babysat for him and even that was mostly against his will.

Din slumps onto his couch, exhausted from the long day. He’d found the couch on the side of the road. It’s well worn and has a couple holes in it, but it was devoid of fleas, comfortable, and most importantly, free. His helmet is off, sitting on the kitchen table where he’d left it after getting home from campus. He’s mostly used to it these days, but sometimes it can still feel suffocating underneath the custom bucket. Taking it off at the end of the day is always welcome, especially when Din sees Grogu’s eyes light up at his exposed face.

He allows himself just a moment of rest, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the back of the couch. Grogu had finally gone to bed, demanding three stories before he fell asleep and Din not having it within him to deny the requests. A small smile rests on his lips, thinking of Grogu's excitement at his mediocre storytelling. He already loathes the day when Grogu won't ask him to read anymore.

There are about twenty other things he should be doing right now other than sitting on the couch. The apartment hasn't been cleaned properly in weeks, dishes are piling up, laundry needs to be done, he needs to find a job for this weekend, should probably find better daycare for Grogu, has an exam to study for, and a paper to finish writing. He should be doing all of that and more, and yet he can't find the will to move. He stays planted firmly on the couch, letting his thoughts drift. A few different ideas and ruminations swirl around, but his mind settles onto one. Her.

She isn't what he had been expecting. When his professor had recommended a session with a writing tutor he'd been a little miffed at first. Din knew words weren't his strong suit, but he hadn't thought he was that bad. He probably wouldn't have even considered it if she hadn't immediately assured him that it was only a suggestion because she saw potential in his work.

He had still only been considering it, form half filled out, when Grogu had hit submit. He’d looked for a way to cancel the appointment, but couldn’t figure it out with the school’s poorly designed website, so instead he had resigned himself to going. After all, just the one session couldn't hurt and he'd already be on campus.

He thought the tutor would be some irritating know-it-all, pointing out all the mistakes in his paper. Either that, or that they'd be too nervous to make any real criticisms. He’d noticed the way people froze up around him, sometimes too timid to even look in his direction. She wasn't either of those things.

She was all smiles and kindness, not hesitant around him for a moment. Even Grogu took an immediate liking to her, as evidenced by the gift of his frog drawing. Din had more of those than he could count, but very few others had been bestowed the honor of his sacred amphibian themed artworks.

She challenged him in a way he liked, not rude but still forceful. Encouraging him to figure out what it was she was guiding him towards with the paper. Not taking ownership, simply identifying where ideas could be made stronger or clearer. They’d only worked through a few pages in the session and Din already felt more confident in his writing.

What he liked most though was that she hadn't even asked about the helmet. It was all he heard from those brave enough to speak to him. Where did he get it, why did he wear it, did he ever take it off, what does he look like underneath, and so on. Avoiding all of those questions got to be draining. She didn't even acknowledge it.

She had mentioned the rumors that were apparently swirling around campus about him but that was it. He was a bit grateful for that though, entirely unaware of how popular he'd apparently become. The stares that followed him on campus were hard to ignore, but he didn’t know about their accompanying whispers. He still isn’t sure if the rumors are a good or a bad thing. Her reaction hadn’t given him all that much to go off of. He wishes it had.

That thought stops Din short. Where did that come from? Why did her opinion of him suddenly matter after a single one hour session? Din can’t remember the last time he considered someone else’s opinion of him. Probably when he first brought Grogu home to meet everyone. Now here he is, wondering what his English tutor’s thoughts were about the rumors everyone has been spreading about him. He needs to get out more.

Din shakes his head free, trying to ponder other aspects of his life. Like when he’d be able to get the Razor Crest up and running again. She’d broken down again after only the second week of classes. Paz makes fun of him for riding on such an old bike, but she’s a classic. Din can’t get rid of her, no matter how much she likes to break down on him. In the meantime he could make due with the loaner truck from Peli.

Thoughts of his motorcycle only distract him for so long though. He realizes half-way through the fantasy that he’s imagining taking her out on his bike, feeling her hands clasped around his waist as he rides through the city. The way she’d hang on just a little tighter, pressing herself against his back, as he hits the throttle just a bit harder.

Din sits up on the couch and mutters to himself. “Come on, Djarin. Pull it together.”

She’s beautiful, yes, but to already be fantasizing about taking her for a ride? That’s a bit much. It has been months since Din has seen any kind of action, but he shouldn’t be this desperate after spending only an hour with a pretty face. Still, now that he’s thinking of it, his mind wanders to what she’d be like.

Would she take charge, calm and in control like she was earlier today? Or would she submit to him, allow him to do whatever he wanted? A small groan escapes Din’s lips at the thought of having her beneath him, begging for him to take her. How she would look spread out on his bedsheets, how sweet she’d taste. He can already imagine how good she’d feel wrapped around him, the way her eyes would look all strung out and cockdumb. It would be a beautiful sight if he’s ever lucky enough to see it.

An alarm Din forgot he set suddenly blares on his phone. He can’t even remember what he set it for as he’s yanked from his lewd imaginings, scrambling to turn it off. There’s a small wave of embarrassment as he registers where he allowed his thoughts to drift.

Ignoring the uncomfortable pressure in his jeans, Din pulls up the tutoring appointment form on his phone and signs up for another session. There’s an option to select a specific tutor and he’s quick to open it up, choosing her name from the drop down menu.

There’s nothing wrong about this, right? She’d helped him with his paper and Grogu liked her. She even asked if she’d be seeing him again. That was plenty of reason to have another session. His renegade fantasies had nothing to do with his decision to go back. Din is a man in control of his urges. If anything, this next session would prove that his thoughts were all just fleeting, just a simple result of going too long without anyone in his bed.

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thedelusionreaderbitch · 3 years

Text

Kaz Brekker/Platonic! Crows x fem! Reader - Silence

A/n: So I know I haven't been very active lately but hopefully that will change! Also I don't really love this fic it's not very good and I might rewrite it in the future but for now, you guys can enjoy this shit!!!

Warnings: Abuse, sexual abuse, rape, violence, mentions of death, technically mentions of suicide, THIS FIC IS A MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

Summary: They used to be happy. That’s what Jesper says anyways about his sister. When he’s asked where it all went wrong it’s usually responded with an I have no idea. When Kaz comes to confront them in front of the Crows why you came back all bloodied and carrying back a body, they know this isn’t going to end well…

Death clung to you. That's what people muttered in the streets of Ketterdam, 'if the Blackbird is on a strike don't go outside for a week and remember, pray to the saint who wears the most colour.'

Great bedtime stories for children.

Your legend would never end, though it must have begun somewhere. Someone who you decided could witness one of your killings must have made up a story. Started it up and told it in fright to someone and the people not believing a word they say. Before their dead of course. And then it spreads like the plague.

The Blackbird was once a hopeful girl, full of dreams and happiness. She had beautiful feathers of all different kinds of colours, and they sang to the heavens and it was as if she was a child of the saints. Then one day - the bird that brought kindness and sunshine to everyone's lives fell into a trap.

There was a hyena that people all thought was bad news but she thought she could help him become a better person.

The little birdy was wrong.

He hurt the bird of colours so badly that one day he burned her feathers and they became pitch black. The hyena thought that he had won at last and had gotten power over the bird.

It was said that she ran and escaped the terrible beast that day. And because he had changed her to the very soul she wasn't the same anymore, no. She was only used for revenge, and it was said she turned her backs on the saints for not saving her. When the saints did decide to intervene the little bird was shattered and could no longer sing. Her voice reduced to a vengeful whip, it was no longer beautiful but fearsome.

It was said that on that night the Blackbird used her wings on Ketterdam so she could cover the sky in darkness so the stars in the sky, the only things the saints could use to watch over mankind was blindfolded in a merciless fog.

And there the Blackbird was born.

Maybe death clung to you, but not the same way that trauma and the cruelness of the world does.

And that's a fate worse than death.

You remember strike one, you and Jesper were kids - happy kids. And the neighbour's son of was considerably older than both of you offered to babysit the one time your Da, and Ma was out.

Jesper was playing in the back, perhaps practicing shooting so he could impress your Mum but you stayed inside saying something along the lines that you wanted to cook some cookies for Dad.

How you wished you hadn't.

That teenage boy had put his filthy little hands on you. He left you in the kitchen tears running down your face and bile that you had to force back down your throat.

Your mother had found you like that and she instantly knew what had happened and she made everything much more bearable. When you had nightmares you would get up and knock on her door quietly enough for her just to hear and because your Ma was a light sleeper but your Da was not, she would get up and see you alright.

The poor woman never told her husband because you had pleaded with her not to. She always did blame herself and she made sure the boy never came around again but she did thank the saints that he didn't go all the way.

She wasn't sunshine, (she always said that was you!) No, she was the faint moonlight in the distance that helped guide you on your way home.

Then she died.

Strike two, was your mother dying. You remember that day where she went to take the poison out of that child and when she did she sucked it back into herself. In your arms was the last place your Ma took her last breath.

That was the day the world had lost its guide home and it always seemed to be in peril after that.

Strike three came almost immediately after strike two. Your father wouldn't talk to you. You became a ghost in your own house, you understood your father though,

she did die in your arms.

Jesper was the only one that didn't make strike three the last strike where the rope was at its point and snapped. He was your armour against the world, with his funny quirks and quips. He was the older brother you needed in those moments.

But armour slowly breaks over time and your dear brother wasn't getting enough out of life at the farm. So when your Father sent Jesper to Ketterdam you went right with him.

You attended college for a bit but eventually, your armour had finally left you. It broke under the stress of everything in his life that he couldn't keep up with yours.

So you meant him.

He was kind but knew when the world was being too cruel. He was wealthy, but not rich. He was sweet, but not puke up rainbows kind of way. He knew you like the back of his hand and always knew how to comfort you. Jesper had actually meant him once before he got too busy with the Dregs and said maybe he knew you too well.

You yelled at him at the time and said that was absurd! He would never do anything to hurt you!

Strike four was falling under his spell.

Strike five was when he told you terrible things about yourself and you thought he was always right. He could do no wrong in your eyes.

Strike six was when he finally started beating you and you had just expected it at this point.

Strike seven was when you weren't allowed to go to school anymore.

Strike eight was when he wouldn't let you see anyone, not even your brother. But you never questioned it, he was basically a saint to you, why would you? Besides Jesper never seemed to have time for you anyways.

Strike nine was when he cheated on you and told you you had to be better.

Strike ten was when he started raping you.

Then one day he was worse than usual and you grabbed the hot poker from the fire pit, that he had used to beat you before, and you had told him to stay away.

Then you ran.

It was the straw the broke the camel's back, it was the saints giving up on him or maybe it was the saints giving up on you.

You didn't care, you were free.

You made one promise that day, that you would never love again.

You learned quickly what Ketterdam was like even before you had meant him, so perhaps that was why it was so easy to become the Blackbird. The girl who never smiled, the girl who only lived only for revenge. The monster that will wipe your existence off of the earth like it was nothing. The ghost that will haunt you when your sins line up too high.

Eventually, you joined the dregs and you connected with your brother once again and he knew something was wrong the moment he felt your presence. He didn't believe you were the Blackbird, the girl who terrorized the streets of Ketterdam.

But he learned to accept it, they all did except for that blasted Brekker boy.

With your time in the Dregs, you had slowly begun to form something with Kaz but you quickly remembered your promise to yourself and you let him go.

Although you don't like to admit it, the Crows had become your friends - family even. You would do anything to protect them even though it didn't seem like it. You were you though, and that was being afraid to even semi-connect with them. Of course, you were, because you were growing a bit too fond of Kaz Brekker and last time that lead you to a fate worse than death.

So you distanced yourself for a while to recollect your thoughts and if you really wanted to stay with them. Did they ever manipulate you? No. Then you came back and you stayed, maybe you weren't the perfect friend or a very good one at all but the Crows knew you even considering to stay was a blessing all in itself.

They were always so patient with you even Kaz, especially Kaz, and you never gave anything in return to them. Guilt would often cloud your mind when you were near them but they were always so amazing something you could never be.

But one day they came to their breaking point.

Killing people wasn't anything new for them, much less you killing people but coming back with a bloodied body and losing contact with them for weeks was probably not the same as just 'killing.'

Jesper pulls you by your bicep into Kaz's office with the other Crows following behind. You stumble in as Kaz slams the door shut being the last one in the room. They stare at you with beady eyes almost like the ones on the infamous birds around the Slat.

"What the fuck Y/n!" Jesper finally yells. Everyone around doesn't even bother to tell him to lower his voice their faces held the same anger that Jes's did.

Silence drowns you in its ocean keeping you in its waters. A chain is wrapped around your throat as you sink deeper and deeper into its depths. You try and swim away, run like you always had before, but the weight around your neck is too heavy, too dense and it slowly drowns you.

You just shrugged your shoulders. How could you explain all that you went through? Why would you want to?

"We can't just brush this off Y/n, we always do, but you crossed a line," Wylan states calmly but firmly at the same time putting a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder trying to ease the tension in the room.

You laugh, you hadn't even been walking a line at all. No, you had been jumping from rooftop to rooftop as they created a chalk line at how far you could go. Balling your hands into fits you snarl, they have been keeping you back. Maybe it's a good thing but you didn't want to admit it.

What about Kaz? A voice whispers in the back of your head.

Your eyes travel to his form in the back. He's leaning on the wall slightly but also using his cane to make himself look up-right. The darkness in the back compliments his angular features making them stand out as if saying he was above you. And to most people he probably was and he deserved that position.

But it didn't matter to you, he was just Kaz to you. Even if you saw him as someone... Important in your life, nevertheless he didn't matter. He was just another powerful man drawing a line that you couldn't cross as the line became smaller and smaller till you were trapped against a wall with nowhere to go.

When you first became the Blackbird, you climbed up that wall, you knew what was going to happen next. And you would never let anyone do that to you again.

"If you think I crossed the 'line' then your wrong." Your voice started out light-hearted (never does a fake smile crawl on your face though) but slowly became menacing and terrifying.

You spin of your heels turning to Jesper. "You've kept me in a cage giving me freedom but always locking me back up in the night."

You turn to Wylan and you mock his voice from earlier. "It was only a matter of time before I would break out." Your eyes lock onto Kaz's and your voice softens while you look at him.

"You knew it was going to happen sooner rather than later. A bird needs to stretch its wings somehow."

"That doesn't mean you get to cut off communication with us for weeks than bringing in a body all bloodied. What you said before doesn't even explain why you did that Y/n," Inej says quietly.

You growl and the people closest to you jump back a little.

"Oh, what are you going to do, kick me out? Half of your businesses wouldn't have even succeeded without me!"

Jesper balls his hands into fists. "Gee for fuck's sake Y/n would just tell us!"

"HE'S THE REASON I'M A MONSTER!"

Your shout makes everyone freeze in their place and there it is again. The overbearing silence that takes over everything with its darkness. Running threw out the room, swirling around you and making it impossible for you to even hear anything other than your own terrible thoughts of madness.

But one voice isn't in your head of that hyena howling at you no, it's real and you can hear it among the darkness. You close your eyes listening in and hearing something other than darkness.

"Y/n." Your eyes snap open and you meet Kaz's eyes and you feel something dangerously close to relief.

"Everyone else out."

The Crows file out of the room one by one following Kaz's order. Everyone leaves but Jesper hesitates at the door and you see your broken armour trying to come back to you again and although it's harsh he wasn't there when he should have been. You understood that he had other problems he needed to sort out but you were his little sister.

You were supposed to stick up for each other.

"Out." Your voice would sound cold to anyone else but to Jesper, it sounds tired and unhappy. Lonely also however it has a hit of love and revenge as well.

The taller brother just sighs though and close's the door.

Kaz's eyes meet yours and your hands start to fidget with the cuffs of your bloodied shirt.

He doesn't say anything, he just stares at you. Willing you to spill information with just a glance. Any God would fall prey to those eyes and they would disclose all their knowledge while also thanking him in the end.

Kaz Brekker had something more powerful than Godly power over you.

So you couldn't help but tell him the real more dark story behind the Blackbird, he had already told you his so maybe, just maybe you could trust him.

"Do you know the Story of the Blackbird?" Your voice rings out against the muteness of the room fighting against it for once in your miserable life.

Kaz nods his head showing you that he knew. Of course, he knew it, was Brekker he probably knows every single version by heart.

"And I assume you know it's about me?"

Rolling his eyes but nodding once again.

You hesitate, knowing that after this you couldn't go back. That these next few words could change everything and why are you even telling this to the bastard of the barrel?

Because you love him.

It's simple and you promised yourself you would never love again but possibly that promise wasn't real because perhaps you never really loved that hyena. Some form of peace has definitely come from killing him, but maybe there's more to moving on from trauma than just revenge.

So with those thoughts in mind, the words tumble out of your mouth and you wouldn't be able to stop them even if you tried.

"Around the time where Jesper was just starting in the Dregs I had gotten a boyfriend. He was... Well, he was the perfect boyfriend but looking back he was too perfect. Basically fake, he was a manipulator and he knew me like the back of his hand. He knew where to press and I was under the impression that he could do nothing wrong." You pause to take a breath but you don't look up from your spot on the floor.

"It started with the small things like little insults thrown my way, but then it grew into bigger things like calling me a slut and what not. I wasn't even surprised when he started beating me."

Your eyes slowly come off the floor and they travel up Kaz's body but never meeting his eyes. You didn't want to see the disappointment that would be held in those eyes. That was inevitable.

"Then every day it started to get worse till he-" You cut yourself off and your legs wobble underneath you and as you collapsed Kaz jetted out and caught you before you could fall.

Tears were running down your face as you gripped Kaz's shirt as he picked you up bridal style and carried you over to the bed. He place's you down and slides in beside you yet there was a good distance between the two of you. But it still gave you comfort and for the first time in a while, you didn't question why it did, you just went with it already knowing the reason why.

You loved him it was as simple as that.

"Then he-" You choked on a sob again and you bring your knees to your chest.

"You don't have to say it." He says gently nothing like what that hyena used to do to you.

"Noah used to rape me." The words come out in a blur and the tight feeling in your chest slowly falls apart and for the first time in a while, you truly feel like a Blackbird - free. Stuttering to breathe in a realization comes to your mind; Noah that monster will never hurt you ever again.

"Oh, my Saints! He's dead!" You cover your mouth with your hand and you lean back onto the headboard tears of happiness smear down your face. You don't laugh though but you feel even clearer than before. You could get used to this feeling.

Slowly you look over to Kaz and you realize the two of you were broken souls beyond repair and maybe just maybe that's what you needed. Perhaps that's what you both need, each other.

"Thank you." You whisper and the ends of Kaz's mouth curl's up a bit into what looks like is almost a smile but not quite. You would get there too one day.

===========TIME SKIP 4 Months======================

You jump from the rooftop gliding through the air and landing on the window sill of Kaz's office. You tilt your head to the side affectionately as you see The Crows getting ready for a heist only they're really just fooling around. Everyone but Kaz of course, he's in his desk chair drawing out some maps.

And they tell you you overwork! Hypocrites.

You open the window silently and you slip into the room unnoticed. You tiptoe over to Kaz's desk and you leap on top.

Kaz raises his eyebrow at you and you just shrug your shoulders, he probably had to stop anyways.

"You know there are other ways to get my attention other than acting like a child?"

"Oh, I know this is just more effective." You playfully respond.

Before Kaz could continue with the banter Jesper interject's just realizing you were here grabbing everyone's attention and placing it on you. Still not a fan of that.

"How the hell did you get from that rooftop to that window!" Jesper points outside in a slightly worried, big brother voice.

So you look him dead in the eyes and say; "I flew."

Jesper laughs along with the rest of The Crows but they stop at your deadpan look on your face.

"You didn't really?!"

"No, I didn't." You roll your eyes, "I didn't even think you knew that I did that."

Jesper comes over and wraps an arm around your shoulders and you immediately tense up.

"I do know some tricks! I am your older brother after all." His tone does get a few octaves of sombre at the end remembering the memories of how he didn't protect you before. But he's here now so you guess that's all matter's now.

You scoot off the desk out of his arm range but you do send him a sorry glance. The memories were just too much to handle sometimes. He just sends me a tiny knowing smile and nods and walk's off quietly (for the first time in his life) over to Wylan.

You watch everyone interact and it almost brings a smile to your face but something is missing and you wonder what it is.

Your question is quickly answered though as Kaz stands up beside you. His ungloved hand slowly garb's onto yours's and slowly you intertwine your fingers together.

"You really are the leader of a bunch of idiots." You say as Nina dares your brother to down a whole bucket paint.

"Yes, that's what it seems."

"But we love them." And for the first time in a while, you smile and it's not full-blown, it's tiny yet it has the whole galaxy in there.

"Yes, Yes I do." But Kaz isn't looking at The Crows he's looking at you.

Words 3517

-thedelusionreaderbitch

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