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twelvemonkeyswere · 2 days

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Brienne and Femininity (and Masculinity)

I’ve been musing how one of the most important topics in Brienne's storyline is femininity, and even though her story isn't finished, we can fairly see what some of her major themes are around this—particularly, how performing or failing at performing femininity affects her both internally and externally.

Often I see people pointing out that, in spite of all of Brienne’s traditionally masculine ways—her clothes, her skill set, her body shape, to name a few—she does not fully reject femininity. That she likes little cute animals and fairy tales and wears dresses, and is shy and blushes frequently. This is an important point because, very often, fantasy settings made the assumption that a woman can only be taken seriously if she goes beyond “her womanhood” and acts and thinks “like a man,” as opposed to other girls who are too busy mending or wanting romance. Brienne challenges those tendencies that GRRM saw in his contemporaries. Things have changed a lot since (hello The Locked Tomb, for example), but you can still see where he is working from, and how many of the aspects of Brienne's story still resonate with more modern audiences because, well, sexism hasn't stopped existing. It's also important because the larger asoiaf and got fandoms often refuse to see this side of her, reducing her to a walking sword or a cardboard cut out of a pushover.

Now, my main issue here is that I feel several interpretations of Brienne have now gone on the other direction, and focus so much on Brienne PERFORMING traditional femininity—wearing luxurious dresses, using make up, accepting lavishing gifts, or wondering if she can be desired, for example—that we've gone sometimes on the opposite direction. I feel like many times we’re afraid or do not know how to approach characterizing her as someone who rejects aspects of femininity without making her into another “not like other girls” stereotype.

My two cents on the matter is that if we focus too much in what Brienne can't but "wants" to perform, we forget that she is, in fact, gladly rejecting some common impositions of femininity in her society.

Beginning with swordplay at a young age, for example, she was very glad to ditch a more traditional education in order to learn how to fight the way we know men are taught in asoiaf/got. She is also explicitly more comfortable in men's clothes. We all like the scene where Jaime makes an effort to give her a dress and she appreciates it, but we don't even find out what happened to the dress, because, presumably, the dress itself is not THAT important, at least not as much as the fact Jaime gave her gifts as a form of appreciation. Dresses have been used in Brienne's past to mock her (the event with the bear being the most recent one), and the important part is that Jaime is the only one who has given her one without that ulterior motive. The point of the scene is that where everyone undermines and underestimates her, he is acting the opposite way. We’re seeing how the relationship between them has evolved and that he is doing his best to mend what has happened and what he has done. She is given a dress and a sword as symbols that someone else in the story is beginning to appreciate her for all she is.

Beyond that, we even get details on the old shield Brienne got at Harrenhal, but not a word about the dress. Brienne explicitly doesn't really like being in dresses, she prefers mail and breeches, and feels more at ease in them than anything else. This is not her hating dresses because she is above them. I can’t remember well but as far as we know it’s just her preference: I don’t recall her saying she hates dresses, just that she prefers trousers. She must have been wearing dresses her whole life! It’s not likely she is unused to them. But we do know the act of being given a dress is important in Brienne’s story. The problem is not that they can’t make dresses for her, the problem is that everyone who forces her to wear a dress wants to signal how lacking she is as a woman, trying to fit her in a box too small for her real shape and then mocking her because she doesn’t meet their standard. The problem is they want to make her uncomfortable and they want to humiliate her, because she dares to exist in a way that doesn’t conform to patriarchal ideals. And the problem is that she likes to wear trousers and mail. She likes to wear masculine clothes, and they want her to be very aware of how much they disapprove.

And we also hear a great deal about marrying and having children out of duty. There's a certain loss she feels there because she believes that, at that point, all those missed opportunities will never present themselves again. All her life, she grew up with a dichotomy that dictated that the chance of having a family or children was through duty or none at all, because she is her father’s heir and—they kept telling her—nobody would want an ugly, masculine, temperamental girl as a wife. They could only want her for the money she brought. The point of the story is that, once again, failing the standards of femininity has forced her into a mentality where she thinks she can’t be loved because nobody would like who and what she is. But even then, even with that thorn in her mind, she still feels relieved she didn't have to perform these particular duties. The only thing she’s sad about is that she thinks she's missed any chance at having a family at all and will never know what that might be like. She doesn’t actively want babies or even to be married. She is still young, and at least to me, she seems to view these things in hypothetical rather than explicit goals or wants. She thinks that, at 20, there is no opportunity for her to experience these things because of how her society works. It’s the lack of choice that she mourns, down the line. But she rejects that particularly role that femininity imposes on her now. She didn’t want it, and she is happy it didn’t go through. She literally fought an old man to prove how much she didn’t want those impositions.

All this is interesting to me because Brienne also sort of thinks of herself as her father's son as well as her father's daughter. It almost slips her mouth once or twice. She is aware, I think, that many times the differences between a son and a daughter boil down not really to gender but to the sort of duty they perform. And she wants to do the sorts of things sons do, too. Men regularly learned to fight and wore the clothes she liked best and used hard-earned skills in a way she wanted to use them. There are layers to this (we’ll get to that in a bit) but she is, I think, very aware of her masculinity, and, if left to her own devices, she seems comfortable in it. The problem is she is NOT left to her own devices.

Most of Brienne's self doubt comes from outside forces. As a woman, they underestimate her. As a woman, they think she is stupid. As a gender non-conforming woman, every jape uttered goes directly to her womanhood. As a woman, if she looks the way she does and dresses the way she does and fights the way she does, when she expresses any vulnerable emotion, any shred of “femininity,” she is mocked for it. She likes dancing and beautiful things and pretty boys but a woman as masculine as she is is not the sort of person who gets to express those preferences without judgment from those around her.

The point is Brienne’s world wants her miserable either way: being unable to be a woman the way they demand of her, because she is too much “like a man” for it, or being unable to be a man, because she is too much a woman for that. The point is she can’t win regardless of what she does. Because that’s how sexism works.

But Brienne’s story is, I think, one about choices. The thing is that the world makes it harder for her, but she shouldn't have to be one thing or the other. She shouldn’t have to be defined by one or the other. If she wants to fight in the mud and smell roses and wear chain-mail and talk to charming men, she should be able to choose all of those things. I think it’s easy to focus too much in what aspects of femininity Brienne likes or dislikes instead of looking at what the story is proposing, which is to look at what Brienne,as a person, likes or dislikes. What she wants. Her parallel story to Jaime is about how the world will always try to put folks in boxes, especially those who, for some reason or another, do not easily fit in those boxes. The question is not “what feminine/masculine parts of Brienne is she happy performing” but rather “what does Brienne want, and why does she feel like she cannot get it and doesn't dare ask.”

This is also what drives her to servitude. There’s a phrase out there that says that if you don’t think you can be liked, you try to become useful, so at least there’s a reason to keep you around. It’s heartbreaking to see how Brienne’s vision of herself has been so skewed by the emotional abuse, parental neglect, and bullying she’s experienced since a young age. She doesn’t think anyone will grow close to her, so at least she can be close to people by serving them. She wants to put her skills to use, she wants to find a place where she fits, where she can be more herself, but she isn’t sure what that looks like or how to find it. She’s still searching, and learning many things on the way.

And Brienne is still very young. We can see her confidence growing and her worldview challenged and she is beginning to see the realities of herself and of the world around her through various trials by fire. Misogyny makes her feel incomplete, but we know the things she trusts about herself while simultaneously seeing the way she constantly doubts others. How she can't never express all of herself without constant judgment or mockery.

I feel like yes, the fact Brienne doesn't reject all traditional femininity is really important to her themes, but by extension, it's as important that shedoes reject some of those traditional expressions of femininity. What she is truly rejecting is imposition, not femininity. What she truly needs to embrace is freedom, not masculinity. She's making her own vows, breaking her own promises, going through her own mistakes. She is learning the hard way. Agency in a world of limited choices is one of Brienne's main themes too. There are moral issues that go deep within her story as well as examinations of the effects of war and the struggle to find authenticity and connection in a community that refuses to acknowledge yours, a community drenched in pretense and lost in performance.

And I think it’s easy to get too caught up in her wanting to be a girlfriend or a mother or wearing a dress that we bypass the whole conversation around why that matters at all. I feel like Brienne's success isn't going to come from her fully embracing all her feminine traits or fully accepting all her masculine traits but from being able, down the line, to be exactly who she is.

#i was looking at my drafts and here are some scrambled ideas I had that I wanted to release so I've tried to make them more organized #brienne of tarth #asoiaf

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canisalbus · 6 months

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Hello, I wanted to ask what's Machete, Vasco's or even your other favourite OCs's MBTI type. I like them a lot, thanks for sharing them with us!

I went and did MBTI tests with them in mind (and just to be sure looked up two more respectable looking tests and did those too).

Machete got INTJ all three times, but I sort of suspected that might be the case.

Vasco got ESFP twice and ENFP once, and I think they both reflect his friendliness and charisma well.

#doing mbti tests for your ocs on a sunday evening #answered #anonymous #I'm never 100% comfortable with these sort of personality tests they're interesting well-meaning and might have some practical uses #but I feel like they often reduce people into stereotypes #and people who take them very seriously then use them to put themselves and others into neat little boxes I dunno it rubs me the wrong way #but it's probably just me I tend to have weird issues with strict categories and inflexible labels

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bugflies00 · 2 months

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OKAY so what ive been thinking about for ages is ctommy and being soft vs quiet . because i feel like it's one of those things in his fandom characterisation that sparks the most debate and in my opinion theres a huge difference between the two but i keep seeing people mix them together.

ctommy is soft but he's not quiet, and to disregard either of those things is what makes him less believable in fanworks imo

because on one hand, of course he's not quiet, that's the most obvious and i think one of the most commonly accepted qualms that we have with general fan interpretations of him. he doesn't just lie down and take shit, he's always committed to being an annoying shit, he's straight up rude so often, and even just. vocally. man's loud as fuck. i think that's pretty easy to establish .

but then what i find is that sometimes we veer into the other opposite, by completely denying that ctommy is also very soft sometimes. and by this i don't mean he turns into strawberry shortcake or starts being polite or whatever, but it's the fact that he's not just crass and rude. he's very considerate a lot of the time, he just shows it. uh. in his Own Way let's say. he cares for animals so so much, he's always so apologetic when he thinks he's hurt one of them, for fuck's sake he sung to the FLOWERS. he's very soft with nature, with things he's attached to, with things he perceives as weaker than him and needing protection.

the complexity of ctommy and what makes him so hard to grasp is that he's loud, he's brash, he is NOT a perfect quiet victim who suffers in silence, he asks for help, he's rude, he steals stuff, he's annoying as shit; but he's also soft, and incredibly empathetic, and he has no shame in showing that softness for animals or nature or his friends.

ctommy, and this is very much because cctommy himself acts like that a lot, is constantly vacillating between someone with the maturity of a thirteen year old boy who shouts and swears and pretends not to give a shit, and a boy who will stop everything he's doing to look at the sky or a flower or an animal (which does contrast his stereotypical rude teenager persona, because lots of aforementioned thirteen year old boys Would be embarrassed or whatever to do that).

he does BOTH. he's not just quiet and nice and sad and lonely; but he's not just rude and loud and """uncaring""" (if there is one thing ctommy is not i think we can all agree its UNCARING).

and i think this is why a lot of debates around "woobifying" ctommy (who remembers the july 2021 trenches . the butterfly clips.) tend to point any ctommy design that portrays him as soft, cozy, or even leaning into his feminine side as the be-all end-all of reducing his character.

in reality i think that misses the mark a bit because while there IS something to be said for sure about people turning ctommy into Blonde Anime Child #249824 and stripping him of his Very Vibrant character, i don't think that putting him in butterfly clips and skirts erases him in the same way. i think he could very much lean into that kind of thing . as long as he's still flipping off the camera we're all good

TLDR : fans strip ctommy of his loud-and-annoying persona but in avoiding that some forget that he's a character who's not afraid to be soft

#this isn't like. angry or anything btw. there are lots of things that make me angry about fan characterisations but not this #this is more like a general discussion of what i find interesting PLEASE add on!!!#like this is not discourse Lets not get mad peace and love we are all subjects to mischaracterisation and me the first like everyone else❤️#tommyinnit #c!tommy #mcyt #alex.rambles.txt

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hallowpen · 3 months

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The Influence of Thai Culture on Attitudes towards Disabilities as it Relates to Last Twilight

(This is a combination of personal experiences/observations having lived in Bangkok and my learned academic knowledge/own personal research. I am not an expert by any means, but I wanted to offer some insight from my own personal point of view.)

While Thailand has certain provisions in place to prevent disability discrimination, it is still very much present in Thai society. Disability legislation is not strictly enforced and accessibility is extremely limited. That is not to say that efforts aren't being made to promote education and inclusivity, just that views and attitudes toward individuals with disabilities have been slow to reform. As such, there is a negative stigma that exists in Thailand where disabled individuals are, for the most part, seen as a burden or an inconvenience. There are certain cultural aspects that, unfortunately, contribute toward this outlook:

Collectivism and Tradition - Thailand can be labeled as a collectivistic society. What that means is, there is a tendency to favor the 'grouped' majority over individual interests. As a result, individuals with disabilities are less likely to be integrated into their communities. The urge to conform to group rules and traditions hinders Thai society from accepting "disruptive" change. Communities prefer to avoid the uncertainty and ambiguity of the unknown, which reduces the amount of conversations centering around disability education. I stated in my review of LT, that there needed to be a deeper conversation surrounding the experiences and realities of the disabled community in order for the series to have the impact it intended to. And this is why. It needs to be talked about, otherwise nothing will change and, much like the last part of that final episode, ableist views/language will prevail.

Religious Influence - At this point (if you are a fan of Thai dramas), you probably already know that Buddhism is the predominant religion in Thailand. We are taught to be merciful towards the weak and to give of ourselves to those who are less fortunate. While helping others should absolutely be seen as morally good, these viewpoints can also give rise to societal stigmas surrounding disabilities. Receiving unsolicited assistance as a disabled person became a constant question of: are you genuinely concerned out of kindness OR because you somehow see me as 'less than' and therefore feel you have a moral obligation to step in. In LT, I understood Day's insistent worry of being on the receiving end of someone else's pity. There was a reason why it was so prevalent in his story and why he questioned the motives of others' actions so frequently. Because Thai culture has inadvertently labeled disabled people as being 'frail' and 'in need' and who should, therefore, be met with sympathy.

Caregiving - While there are social welfare programs and services available in Thailand, generally, it is the responsibility of the family to care for and provide for their disabled relatives. Intergenerational care is a big part of Thai culture, but in this instance it's not entirely positive. The broader Thai society infantilizes people with disabilities, which means they are often disallowed from making their own decisions by those who care for them (sound familiar?). As a result, they live under less than ideal conditions that exclude them from being active members of their communities. It's upsetting that people with disabilities exist largely out of the public eye, when opportunities to be present in society and engaging with their community could potentially change their status and offset stereotypical attitudes. One of the best parts of LT that I will continuously praise it for, is Mhok's version of caregiving that completely turns these views on its (their?) head. He's not afraid to stand up to Day (or how Day's been conditioned to feel toward his blindness) and gently pushes him toward self acceptance and engagement within his community. Mhok is subtle in a way that he does what is required of him as a caregiver without ever taking away Day's agency. And that was extremely important to see against Day's mother's more 'traditional' care.

Treatment - I'm not well versed when it comes to Thai healthcare. I do know that outside of traditional medicine, access to more advanced modern treatment is highly dependent on income and social standing. Other than that, it is a disabled person's prerogative to seek treatment if a treatment exists for their disability and is accessible to them. It is also their prerogative to refuse treatment. Neither decision should be judged or actively swayed by outside perspectives (though this happens more often than not). It is highly plausible that someone in Day's position, coupled with his mother's status, would have both the access and the desire to receive a corneal transplant surgery. The outcome of Day's vision being restored was never the issue for me. The fault lies in its execution and what was implied in the aftermath.

...that's all I got. I don't really know how to end this...I'm tired.

(Please note, this is not at all meant to paint Thailand in a bad light. Thai society is fairly accepting of individuals with disabilities and positive attitudes do exist, but certain perspectives need to change!)

tagging @lurkingshan @waitmyturtles @shannankle

#last twilight #thai culture #thai attitudes toward disabilities #some of this can be overlapped with MLC #as i was writing this i kind of realized #the reason i never like to share the specifics of my nerve disorder is because i've been conditioned not to #oof...that was a hard pill to swallow

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blossomthepinkbunny · 1 month

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Poor rendition of queer characters in HH and HB

Here I am again talking about queer representation in Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, this time just more generally. Because it's always a little weird to me when people claim HH/HB to have good queer representation, when in actuality most of the queer characters are either just blatant stereotypes or get mishandled somehow. And with Helluva Boss recently winning the Queertys - Web series reward I think that this is probably a pretty good time to acknowledge that kind of stuff (as people have done before).

TW: Sexual assault, R@pe (when referring to the actions of characters)

Blitzø (Pansexual): is very sexual and seen on screen multiple times either having sex or just having had sex. Pretty much fits the general stereotype of queer men always being sexual and also the stereotype of pansexuals just sleeping with everybody. Like, he literally screwed the mutual Ex of his coworkers even though he knew how much that guy hurt them.

Stolas (Gay): also mostly sexual (from how he was introduced) and he is in a pretty terrible "relationship" with Blitzø, which includes coercion, SA, Power dynamics and fetishization. Another very sex-driven queer man. Also just great proof for the people assuming that queer relationships are inherently predatory, unhealthy and never work out.

Moxxie (Bisexual): is often forced into a very feminine role because even in relationships with women, queer men always have to be pointed out to be feminine and putting a guy in a dress is funny I guess.

Fizzarolli & Asmodeus (Queer): they're actually better than a lot of the other characters here but there is still some of that uneven power dynamic going on with them and there are obvious issues with their relationship. Overall they aren't too bad though. They didn't get that much sexual focus and what they got is kinda warranted since Ozzie is the Lust demon. But there is that one scene with Fizz stepping out of his car with Dildo confetti canons (I think) and that was sorta weird, since in an episode before that they presented Crimson as being homophobic and stereotypical for assuming queer men are all obsessed with dicks. Which is just interesting because thats most of the queer men in Vivzepops stories.

Chaz (Queer): just a sexually abusive asshole because we definitely needed more predatory queer men in this show.

Sally May (Trans mtf): basically the single recognized trans character in both shows and she only had one line. After that they made fan merch for her which consisted of her in a bikini with her bulge being drawn pretty visibly (multiple times). Of course there's nothing wrong with Trans people who don't have surgery but it's just a tiny bit weird to me that fanservice merchandise is what she got reduced to, when something like that wasn't even the joke of the only line she had in the show and because she hasn't recieved any kind of focus after that.

Angel Dust (Gay): now there is a lot of stuff that could be said about Angel. On one hand he is another very sexual gay man whose screentime often just consists of sex jokes and references. On the other hand that's a big point for his character. How he tries to act confident in his sexuality when in reality it's the main source of his problems. Though he does often harass other men in the show and that's just so unnecessary. Talking about Angel mostly leads into discussing if he is good representation for SA victims or not, which is something I don't want to talk about that much because I feel like it's not my place to judge that as someone who never has experienced SA. I'm gonna say that I do find Viv's treatment of him outside of the show insensitive (with the pro-shipping, diminishing Valentino as an Abuser and general sexualization of the characters) but as far as the portrayal of him in the show goes I've heard different opinions and you should read the discussion's of actual r@pe survivors about this topic if you want to know about more about it.

Husk (Queer): I don't have anything to say about Husk. He is a very refreshing queer man in these show's and there is nothing bad about him I could think of right now.

Valentino (Queer): for him I mostly want to talk about how he is treated outside of the show which doesn't sit right with me. He is a villian in HH so it's understandable that he is gonna do effed up stuff. I also like that the show tries to make a point about how men get sexually assaulted too (wether they succeeded in that inside the show I'm not gonna judge too hard like I said). But there are a lot of people who not only sexualize him, but also his actions and his relationship to Angel and from what I know Viv never really spoke out against that. She actually interacts with people who do that stuff and I it's just kinda gross.

Vox (Queer): I also don't have a lot to say about him. He and Val are a couple so he is dating a r@pist but he is also a villain so you can't really expect more from him. Especially since he would still be interacting with a r@pist even if they weren't dating.

Alastor (Aromantic, Asexual): is obviously not interested in relationships or sex but his identity is pretty much ignored by a huge amount of the fandom. Vivzepop never say's anything about people blatantly invalidating him like that. It seems to me like she doesn't care about characters who can't be involved in shipping but still wanted to have more diversity in her show so she just called him AroAce. In Hazbin Hotel he isn't bad representation though. His sexuality is never the focus but thats fine, it's mostly just the treatment he gets outside of HH which I don't like.

Charlie (Bisexual): doesn't have a lot to her sexuality. This is something I talked about pretty lengthy in my other post, specifically about the lack of Sapphic content in both shows, so I won't go into too much detail here. Her relationship with Vaggie would probably be the best in both shows if it wasn't for the fact that they both never get the real spotlight as a couple. And there is that thing in Vivzepops stories where the women are pretty much sexless without men and that's obviously something that is generally an issue when talking about the lack of Sapphic representation (which is also a topic heavily tied to sexism). Charlie's portrayal isn't necessarily stereotypical but that's just because there is nothing to her identity in the show.

Vaggie (Lesbian): like I said I already talked about the Chaggie relationship so now I wanna focus on something I didn't even mention in that post. Her name literally being Vagina and that's apparently funny because she is a Lesbian so she obviously likes Vagina. That's just incredibly stereotypical and also excludes Trans Lesbians and Asexual Lesbians who don't want sex. The whole joke was that Adam named her that because he is obsessed with sex and he's a jerk. But her name was always Vagina even in the pilot (from what I know Adam wasn't conceived then and neither was the idea that Vaggie even is a former exterminator).

That's all the queer characters I could think of. I hope I didn't miss any.

I thought about including Millie here too. But she was also already included in my other discussion post and I still don't know if she is canonically Bisexual of if that is just a headcannon so I didn't put her here.

I'm just gonna say that i don't have a problem with queer men being sexual (or any queer person in that regard). But it's pretty much every one of her queer male characters. This is especially bad when a lot of the relationships are toxic as well.

I just think too many characters fit stereotypes and to me that isn't good queer representation. If you like the depiction of queer characters in HH or HB that's good for you and you don't have to agree with me. But you also can't really deny a lot of this stuff and you can't expect others to just be fine with bland, hurtful and sometimes even toxic representation like there is in these shows.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel criticism #vivzepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel critique #vivziepop #helluva boss #helluva boss critical #helluva boss critique #helluva boss criticism #queer representation #queer rep in media

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anjuyn · 4 months

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I can't sleep and I'm thinking about Sakuma Rei. Which of these is different from my daily life? Nothing.

therefore.

Sakuma Rei, who plays with your hands and hair when he is not in love with you, but suddenly stops touching you during the period of awareness of feelings? Yes.

Rei, who is happy to hear about how your day went down to the last insignificant detail, and answers counter-questions with something like "Nothing special happened. I was asleep, as always. Everything is fine. What were you saying about...?" Yes, yes.

Sakuma Rei, who can keep up a conversation on absolutely any topic, even if it's some stereotypically feminine stuff? Of course.

Rei, who likes to watch how you work and how you handle your tasks on your own? And also he, who will push you in the right direction at the right moment or, conversely, ask you to slow down? YES.

Rei, who in public and at home are two completely different people? Yeah.

Rei, who is forced to wake up only by the night, the sounds of the flute and your voice? Exactly.

Rei, who will start using the phone more often than ever to be able to talk to you? Yeeesss.

Rei, who becomes sweetly romantic when in love and loses all his seductive charm? Yup☆

Rei, who is strangely lulled by your smell and the feeling of your warmth? Rei, who gets a little sleepy every time you sit next to him? Quite so.

And also Rei, who, even sincerely trying not to talk about you too much, still casually reduces any topic to you?

Rei, who has two favorite topics to talk about, is Ritsu and you? Is that why he tries not to talk too much?

Sakuma Rei, most devoted and loving man you've ever met?

He, it's all him☆

#ensemble stars #enstars #rei sakuma #rei sakuma x reader

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blueberrydanish · 4 months

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okayyy so im definitely not the most well versed with everything surrounding jkr, and im kinda just yelling into the void with this one, but I think its kinda funny how she's a radfem that often focuses on the men in her stories, reducing even the female characters with potential to love interests, shames women for fighting for justice (the whole S.P.E.W. thing was not it), uses the bigotry a woman faced from her best friend as a point in his tragic backstory, leans into stereotypes of girls being catty, dumb, and worthy of ridicule if they express romantic desire (Fleur Delacor and Lavender Brown), and gives many of her male characters some form of backstory to at least semi justify their actions, while women like Bellatrix Lestrange and Dolores Umbridge are just crazy evil bitches. idk just makes it feel like some of the shit she spouts on twitter is less about womens rights and more about her total aversion to trans people.

#anti jkr #anti jk rowling #fuck jkr #trans rights #try not to take this too seriously #I haven't read the books in years I might be wrong about something #im kinda just rambling #im just a silly girl with a silly blog who fucking hates Joanne Kathleen Rowling <3

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punkeropercyjackson · 3 months

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I truly believe that i never would've cared about the Batfam long enough to stick around the fandom til now and plan to stay as long as i can if they were like what fanon stans want them to be canonically.Jason is unironically one of the love's of my life as a selfshipper who started reading comics because of him but i detest the 'better' version of him they've created and same goes for the rest of the Bats and all the non-Bats they've ruined to prop them up

No,i don't want to hear about a white man adopting kids just because they have blue eyes and canonical good parents being bashed or killed off so he can replace them.No,i don't think it's right to reduce one of the most iconic and influencel character's in comics history to a chronically happy dumbass manchild who's obsessed with his looks and sex and as an irl eldest sibling i feel personally insulted by what they've done to Dick because they don't know how siblinghood works.No,i don't like that Tim is always either getting demonized and called a bigot and abuser and 'incel' for being a realistic teenage boy constantly dealing with nonstop bullshit thrown at him in addition to already having childhood trauma or woobified and bamfified into a white male power fantasy-Often coupled with sexualization which is just plain horrifying because he's a fucking toddler.No,i don't feel taking an extremely rough and tough and canonically uncomfortable with society's ideas of femininity and what should be romance chinese girl and literally silencing her wants by erasing that she learned how to talk and how even before that she had major attitude and not only feminizing her but having the audacity to not even make her feminine in a chinese way and instead go the white girl femininity route

No,i don't enjoy seeing a brown arab boy who's already a victim of islamophobic stereotypes in canon have even more added onto it by adultifying him either for bashing or simping and even fucking animalizing him so the white boys he's shipped with can 'domesticate'(an actual term i've seen used for him multiple times)him.No,i don't care that Jason being an angry goth asshole and morally gray is hot to you so you decided to erase his canonical trauma response of not being open to dating or sex unless it's with someone he's super close to due to how much hurt he's been through because you see traumatized men as a fetish instead of people and think you're not being ableist because you're a cis woman.No,i don't think i'm being 'too mean' by insulting and saying i fucking hate people who leave out the ONE black Batkid we've ever gotten in all almost 100 years of Batman comics for no real reason yet inserting the blonde white girl who's not even Bruce's daughter in any way because she DATED HIS SON and is basically dating his actual daughter now while doing it in the most mid fanarts and headcanons imaginable and when he's literally everything they love in white boy protagonists from other medias but they refuse to relate to autistic and queer black kids of any kind

I hope everybody who popuralized it back when the fandom was starting out rots and you're foul as hell if you perpetuate it too,i'm 10000000% serious from the bottom of my heart

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morallyinept · 6 months

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Emotions are like rollercoasters, right?

Hold tight, D!

One moment you're enjoying the upward incline, feeling on top of the world. The next you're plummeting without any control, and it all happens so fast that-

I... D? You feeling alright, bud?

You didn't like it? Okay. No more rollercoasters for you. Yes, I promise. We'll just stick to the hall of mirrors next time...

It's okay, sweetie. Just heave it all up. It's alright... you're okay, D...

JESUS!! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EAT?! 😨 Why is there a goldfish in there...?

You know what? I don't wanna know...✋🏻

Whilst Dieter, uh, pulls himself together, let's take a look this week at how we can recognise the oncoming signs of depression.

It's Friday!! It's time for more Self Care with Dieter & Jett. 🖤

Oh... Christ. Here we go. 😮‍💨🧻🧻🧻🧻

Everyone has ups and downs.

It's perfectly normal to feel out of step sometimes. And we all go through feeling low in our spirits at some point in our lives.

You do, don't you, D?

Yeah, and boy don't we know it... 😬

Often people use the term ‘depression’ to describe feeling down or low. But not everyone will have or experience depression.

And not everyone knows or understands what depression is fully, as everyone who experiences it, can feel differently and experience different types of it.

For some it may be fleeting, or even seasonal (Seasonal Affective Disorder, for example). For others it may render us mentally incapcitated for weeks, months, or even years on end.

Depression is a mental disorder of the brain, common, something that anyone can get at any time in their life and is treatable.

Depression isn’t something you can simply 'snap out of’, a sign of weakness, something that everyone experiences, or something that lasts forever.

You sometimes get the brain scramblies, don't you, D?

Yep. And so do I. It's perfectly normal to feel down and blue.

So, how do you know if what you're feeling is just a case of the blues, or the encroach into depression?

What are the symptoms of depression?

Some symptoms of depression are:

low mood, feeling sad, irritable, or angry

having less energy to do certain things

losing interest in activities you used to enjoy

reduced concentration

becoming tired more easily

disturbed sleep and losing your appetite

loss of self-confidence

feeling guilty or worthless

losing interest in sex

weight loss, or weight gain from comfort eating

thoughts and movements slowing down

☝🏻Now, it's important to note here, that you can feel some, or all of these things, from time to time and it doesn't mean it's necessarily signs of depression. It could mean you're just feeling out sorts and need a time out for a few days, a little rest.

Perhaps you've been burning the candle at both ends and it's your body telling you that you need to have a break...

Umm, yeah. 🤨

ℹ️ But if you've been experiencing these symptoms for longer than two weeks, most medical practitioners would recommend you take a trip to see your GP.

Especially if you've been experiencing any feelings of mania, or thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

Please remember that you're not alone. Even if it feels like it. There is help out there for you and you don't have to feel like this.

Your tum still feeling all squibbly, buddy?

Aww, you're worried about our friends? Bless your heart, D. You really are a sweetheart, aren't you? 😘

But it's okay, we'll put some links at the bottom of this post in case anyone needs some more help and support.

Breaking the stigma of depression

Many wrongly believe that people with a mental illness aren’t able to function in daily life, are incapable of making a living, lack interpersonal skills, or are unkempt. These are unfortunate, and often cruel, stereotypes placed on people by others who lack empathy, understanding, and knowledge about depression.

In many families, depression, and other mental illnesses, are looked upon as something shameful. People with depression are perceived as weak and told to “buck up” and “stop feeling sorry for yourself”.

Statements like this can ultimately shame and discourage people from seeking help. Depression is a medical condition.

Like the body, the brain can also get sick sometimes. 🧠 And you would need to treat your brain like you would your body, by getting help to mend it. 🩹

Steps to cope with stigma

Here are some ways you can deal with stigma:

Get help and treatment. You may be reluctant to admit you need any treatment. Don't let the fear of being labeled with depression prevent you from seeking help. Treatment can provide relief by identifying what's wrong and reducing symptoms that interfere with your work and personal life.

Don't let stigma create self-doubt and shame. Stigma doesn't just come from others. You may mistakenly believe that your depression is a sign of personal weakness or that you should be able to control it without help. Seeking counseling, educating yourself and connecting with others who have depression can help you gain self-esteem and overcome destructive self-judgment.

Don't isolate yourself. If you have a depression, you may be reluctant to tell anyone about it. Your family, friends, or members of your community can offer you support if they know about it. Reach out to people you trust for the compassion, support and understanding you need.

Talk about it. Spread the message positively about the harm of stigmatisation. Educate others and encourage them to be supportive. Don't assume they are being deliberately ignorant - they may not understand because they may not have experienced depression for themselves.

Others' judgments almost always stem from a lack of understanding rather than information based on facts. Learning to accept your depression and recognize what you need to do to treat it, seeking support, and helping educate others can make a big difference.

Tips on getting back to the top

Be kind to yourself. I know that's easier said than done sometimes, but take some time to remind yourself that you're only human, and sometimes we feel things deeply within us. And that's okay.

Understand that you are not weak. Seeking help does not make you weak. The fact that you want to feel like yourself again makes you incredibly strong.

You are stronger than you think.

Isn't that right. D?

Talk about it. It's easy to cut yourself off and hibernate. To feel like you're a 'burden'. You're not. The people that care about you will want to help and support you. So talk to them. If you really feel like there is no-one you can talk to, you can also talk to someone medically or professionally.

Treat yourself. Give yourself moments of kindness by doing things or indulging in things that make you happy.

Little bursts of joy can accumulate in to long term to getting back to yourself and feeling happier.

That's not what I mean, Dieter. 🙄

It's important to understand that although your symptoms of depression may come and go, or be with you for a while, being kind to yourself will ultimately help alleviate some of that pressure put on yourself.

Feelings and emotions are like rollerocasters; once on board, you've just got to let yourself go through those rickety up and downs. And crazy, scary loop-de-loops. But remember, you will eventually be able to get off the ride when it comes to a halt. 🎢

Now D, shall we get you into bed and I'll give you some nice, warm tummy rubs, hmm? Would you like that?

No, D. I'm not going to rub your di-

Dieter and I hope that we've managed to explain a little bit more about depression, even if you never experience it. But if you do, or are currently going through it, know that you are not alone and you will feel like yourself again.

And we are giving you the biggest hug right now.

Please be kind to yourself and know that no matter what, you are amazing. You will persevere, and you are stronger than you think you are. 🖤

If you need further help, please check out the links below:

Mind UK

Giving Guidance USA

In a crisis? Worldwide Help & Numbers

Healthline Depression & Anxiety

Ideas for coping with depression

YOU. ARE. STRONGER. THAN. YOU. THINK. 🖤

Do you. Then do Dieter.

More Dieter & Jett love here

ℹ️ Dieter and I always strive to bring you unbiased, fact-checked advice. We're not licensed therapists, so we do a lot of research to ensure we can provide helpful and informative posts. Well, I do. Dieter mostly sits around eating KitKats.

#self care with dieter & jett #dieter bravo #dieter bravo the bubble #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #do you #then do dieter #you are stronger than you think #jett has spoken

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tanadrin · 8 months

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Or maybe it’s better to say Martin is *ahistorically* cynical. His grasp of military history is certainly weaker than Tolkien’s. And though Tolkien is often stereotyped as being the more escapist author, I always feel like Martin is pushing his agenda more artlessly? Like yeah war is awful, but people did and do in fact believe in things and have ideals they try to live up to, including in war, and reducing it all to a wash of each-side-is-as-bad-as-the-other dark-gray-on-black morality is as wrong as making everything totally black and white. But at least the latter captures how conflicts often feel from the inside.

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divinemackerel · 5 months

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I hate how obvious it is that 99% of this fandom hasn't watched even one cFundy stream and just include him for the sake of "hoseok driving the bus". He's mildly important to cWilbur on a surface level so he has to be included in every fanfiction, of course, especially SBI centric ones where he'll be written off as a coworker or an unimportant child or in the worst cases, a dead child, because you can't fridge him enough.

He gets the same treatment as characters like Niki and CaptainPuffy, reduced to 2 dimensional stereotypes that don't actually play into their personalities or weaknesses or skills at all.

None of these writers actually care about cFundy and how his main theme is being forgotten and used and neglected. None of these writers actually know the character outside of the idea of him being a son. None of them actually know his relationship to his father and L'Manberg, or how Quackity has routinely used him, or how the whole server belittles before it quickly forgets him. I doubt any popular writers know even the beginning of Fundy's deep loyalty to Schlatt, how he noticed the dictator's illness first, how he left halfway through the mockery of the funeral, how he kept shclatt for practically his entire time on the server.

I doubt many people in the fandom actually know how smart and intuitive cFundy is, though he'll often ignore his gut instinct in favor of being hopeful, in feeling like he has a purpose until the server fully grinds him down into a resentful and pessimistic shell.

I'm really tired of looking for Fundy fanart or specifically fanfics and finding a 2d trope that doesn't reflect him at all, a cardboard cut out that someone lazily stapled fox ears to so they can add yet another character to the tags. I'm tired of people treating him as a shallow character to use for plot development and nothing more. I'm tired of how his incredibly emotional and deep character is often forgotten about or ignored.

Even in Fandom, he can't escape the treatment he constantly gets from others.

#fundy #cfundy #rant #long post #mentioned child death

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signedjehanne · 1 year

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i'm writing this post because i think that a lot of non AAPI fandom bloggers could benefit from reflecting on how they view both asian cultures and asian people.

to start, we have to understand what cultural exports are. a cultural export is defined as "exchange of ideas, information, art, language and other aspects of culture among nations and their peoples in order to foster mutual understanding". it is most often used to rebrand a country in the wake of propaganda.

in the west specifically, a lot of the largest cultural exports from other countries come from east asia- in forms such as k-pop, j-fashion, idol culture, anime, k-dramas, k-beauty and c-beauty, etc. there also are other notable exports that influence the west's perception of these countries, such as technology.

enjoying these cultural exports isn't inherently bad. enjoying things like anime and kpop isn't cultural appropriation, and it's something that brings together communities around the world. however. the issue arises when people cross the line from "this is a cultural export from this country" to "this is *who* the people from this country are". reducing entire ethnic groups to one component, no matter how "positive" the component is, has far more consequences than people realize.

in essence, it is stereotyping. and it also reduces the perceived humanity of the AAPI community. because these parts of certain cultures are commodified in this way, reducing us as people to these cultural exports carries a heavy risk of commodifying us as *people*. when you as a person and community are perceived as a commodity, people feel like they are entitled to you and your identity. this is seen in stereotypes of asians as submissive and obedient (ESPECIALLY ASIAN WOMEN), and white people essentially playing dress up with being asian (like oli london). it's also seen in stereotypes of us as cold, villainous, and unfeeling (such as the head director of BLI in danger days).

these stereotypes are often a matter of life and death. in the atlanta spa shooting, the shooter confessed that he wanted to "eliminate the temptation" that these asian women represented for him. this is where reducing the AAPI community's humanity ends up.

tying this all back to danger days. we can see where it drew from japanese art and television, but gerard took it too far and ended up dehumanizing asians. and we see this everywhere, in the majority of fandoms, as well as in non fandom interactions. and it needs to fucking stop. because all it does is dehumanize us, and dehumanizing us only causes more violence towards us. it unconsciously feeds into stereotypes, it's the literal definition of orientalism, and it's not okay.

as an aside- i see this also happening with the reduction of chinese people to being the same as the chinese government, which also carries the real world consequences and violence from sinophobia. whether negative stereotypes or ones that seem positive on the surface, reducing a people to one aspect of their country is never acceptable.

if you say dumb bullshit in the replies or tags, you are going to get blocked. i have no bandwidth to deal with white people griping. i am still processing monterrey park and i am weighed down by fear for my family. i will not be nice. i have spent energy explaining this to you in depth, and if you don't want to understand it that's on you.

i also have a post about the person saying they would get the rising sun flag tattooed, here

#seb speaks #mcr #gerard way #danger days #fandom racism #aapi #i KNOW im going to get so much flack for this because bandom hates acknowledging racism #bandom #my chemical romance

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arliedraws · 4 months

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Reminder, everyone, that queerness is not a personality trait. It can be an essential part of your identity and representation fucking matters, but your personality does NOT define your gender or sexuality.

The point of this post is not to call anyone out in particular for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about queerness/gender, but to ask people to be more reflective about why we tend to base our understanding of queerness in particular around stereotypical ideas of femininity and masculinity. Hypermasculinity harms all of us. If you are a trans woman, there is no RIGHT/CORRECT way to be a woman. If you are a trans man, you should NOT feel like you are less of a man because you embrace qualities our heteronormative society deems “feminine.” Obviously, right? Well, if you were to observe fandom and shipping dynamics, these values become…murky.

I say this out of the kindness of my heart and with all the love in the world, but folks gotta be more careful when they say, “I can’t believe people think THIS character is straight!!!!” with 100% sincerity particularly regarding a narrative where the author very obviously did not intend to make characters gay. (You’re excused if you say it because you’re just passionate and having a good time and I respect you for that.)

I am bothered by these statements because…upon what exactly are you basing this argument? The problem is, because the author (derogatory) did not intend for people to interpret particular characters as gay/queer, there is a strong likelihood this statement is based on stereotypical ideas of what queerness looks like. “He is dramatic/emotional” is…uh…not a good reason to think someone is gay. A man with stereotypical feminine qualities does not necessarily mean they are gay. A woman with traits associated with hypermasculinity does not necessarily mean they are gay.

Do I think Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks are gay? YES. Do I think Tonks could probably be gender fluid? Yes! Do I adamantly believe that Sirius is a bisexual semi-aro superstar? Also very much Yes. So it’s not like I don’t have opinions or feelings about this. However, there is SO MUCH HARM in believing that men who embrace softness, beauty, and vulnerability MUST be queer. Okay, you say. But in MY mlm ship, one guy is SUPER DUPER masculine and the other one is feminine. Right. That’s part of my point. Hypermasculinity is so pervasive even in queer spaces that ships are often reduced to “this is the top/masculine person in the relationship, and this is the bottom/feminine person.” So…uhhhh…what does this sound like?

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my students (teenagers) to explain why “she wears the pants in the relationship” is an extremely harmful idea. I asked them, “Okay, so what does that mean when you say that?” Students responded that it meant that the woman was the “boss” in her heterosexual relationship—that she was the controlling one.

“So when you say ‘she wears THE pants,’ are you suggesting that one person wears the ‘traditionally masculine’ article of clothing and the other should wear the traditionally ‘feminine’ article of clothing?” I prompted. They could see where I was going with this. So I went on, “Think about what we’re insinuating here. We’re saying that men are leaders—or at least, they SHOULD be. Masculinity is being a leader, and femininity is being a follower. Making a snide remark that ‘she wears the pants’ suggests that she is NOT assuming proper gender roles and it might strike some of us as funny. But do we see the problem with this? What does that sound like to you? And for that matter, should ANY partnership be so unbalanced that ONE person controls it?”

Kids were shaking their heads, but one student was really troubled by this. “But in every relationship, there’s got to be the person in charge and the person who is just…” He didn’t really finish the sentence. I’m pleased to say that most of my students immediately recognized the glaring issue with this. Most of the class shot this kiddo very horrified looks, and he was so shocked that people weren’t on his side (goodhearted kid, but clearly some messed up gender roles going on at his house). I let them discuss a bit more and finished with, “Be reflective in your relationships, friends. Dynamics like this can sometimes point to power imbalances—and generally, people shouldn’t feel inferior in their partnerships.”

Fandom is SO LIKE THIS. We equate personality with sexuality and gender so hard!!!! We try to inject hypermasculinity into queer spaces SO HARD. At some point, your desire to be ‘subversive’ just turns into toxic heteronormativity. When you make Remus hypermasculine and Sirius hyperfeminine because it “just feels right” - consider WHY this feels right to you when there really is not a lot in canon that points to these things. Why does it feel right to you that one person should “be a top” and one should “be a bottom”? This is not to say this is ILLEGAL or you shouldn’t make Sirius feminine—it’s just…think about the underlying message here when it’s in contrast to very very masculine Remus.

My point here is NOT “stop making characters gay/feminine!!!” My point is, hell yeah, the characters who are canonically straight could be gay, but also I really recommend avoiding basing this on stereotypes. “I can’t believe people think this overly dramatic/emotional/fashionable/soft man is straight!” Unpack that. Really think about it. What are you really saying? Just…be reflective, folks. You are not immune to the heteronormative agenda.

TL;DR // softness, aggressiveness, beauty, love, gentleness, competitiveness, etc. belong to everyone, every gender, every sexuality.

#taking a bit of a risk with this #this is coming from someone who is uhhhh heavily into fucked up ships #i love fucked up dynamics #it’s hot #i am personally into playing with power dynamics in a kink way #but not in my regular life #disclaimer #you can do whatever you want #whatever floats your boat #but be aware of spreading harmful stereotypes #don’t just reinvent toxic heteronormativity lol

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klonnieshippersclub · 6 months

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i want to ship KB i like all your posts but i don’t think I understand Bonnie properly i can’t see Klaus liking Bonnie outside the expression arc that was when she was most powerful to me the appeal of KC to me is that she’s full of light and he is not. Bonnie isn’t a light she’s mad a lot?? can you help me?

What is light? Your perception of light and mine are very different. I think Bonnie's dedication to her friends is light. I think her love of her family is light. I think her willingness to fight like hell for her loved ones is light. I think her ability to be brave and face down enemies with far more experience with her is light. I think her determination is light. I think her willingness to help Elena learn cheer routines is light. I think Bonnie helping Elena with her grief when her parents died is light. I think Bonnie constantly lending an ear and giving advice to her friends is light. I think caring about the people of Mystic Falls, the community they all grew up in, is light. I think her ability to move past her own issues to work with Damon and befriend him in spite of all he's done to hurt her is light. I think her willingness to forgive Stefan and accept that he has remorse for all the awful things he's done is light. Bonnie is more loyal than anyone else and that is light. Befriending Heretics like Nora and Mary Louise is light. Klaus can like Bonnie for her goodness and praise her for the darker aspects, she’s still light.

Reducing Bonnie to being mad is playing into the "angry black women" stereotype and you should evaluate why you associate Bonnie with anger. It feels shallow to solely associate light with being "perky" and "upbeat" as Caroline is often described (that doesn't mean Caroline doesn’t have light). I won't speak on Caroline character arc but no one loves as hard as Bonnie does and that is light to me. The introduction of vampires killed a lot of Bonnie's enthusiasm for life but she's still a fighter and she's still an amazing friend. That's light to me.

#klonnie #bonnie bennett #klaus mikaelson #bonnie x klaus #klaus x bonnie #the vampire diaries #tvd #rikkisinbox #anon ask

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betaphannie · 4 months

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Thoughts about the latest video essay about the phandom

This is more about how Certain People have spoken about the phandom, but that video really showed many of the gripes I have with people talking about the phandom.

rant/thoughts under the cut

One thing I notice a lot of people when talking about the phandom's past never mention is the existence of antis (If you aren't aware, back in the day before dnp came out there were a plethora of people who insisted that dnp were straight, not dating, and shipping them was violating their privacy. These people were members of the phandom deemed "antis."). Imo, antis were just as loud as demons, and honestly being in the phandom at that point usually meant that any kind of belief that dnp were queer and/or dating was met with pushback from antis. Like all the time.

I find this exclusion of any mention of them in these video essays and retrospectives odd, especially since people tend to treat the entire phandom as demons that were running around and analyzing/shipping dnp "without any moderation" (to quote the latest video essay), when that moderation often came from within in the phandom itself. I can't speak for earlier eras of the phandom, but when I joined in 2016, you could not avoid seeing phandom "rules" outlining when it was inappropriate to to tag dnp, what should not be talked about in detail within the phandom, what should not be sent in the chat during live shows etc. Between the phandom's own rules and antis sending out death threats at the smallest speculation, the phandom was in a constant state of tension from policing themselves. It was not a free-for-all wild west that people tend to view it as.

Also, for at least the era that I joined, the phandom was very aware of the reputation they had online. I knew of this reputation myself before I had joined, which was part of the reason I avoided watching dnp for a couple of years before caving. There were constant videos and posts being made to hate on the phandom. Dnp was a fandom that people associated with teenage girls, and as we all know there is nothing the internet hates more than teen girls. And these girls were also often emos, which was to say that they were especially hated and viewed as "cringe." I think that all the years of phannies trying to distance themselves from those stereotypes led to this overall feeling of Shame for being in the phandom. You felt like you had to constantly prove you weren't one of the Bad Ones, regardless on your actual opinions on dnp's relationship.

It's also weird to me how people discussing the phandom seem to act as though RPF and speculation surrounding real-life people's relationship is a novel concept and dnp are the only case of this occuring. It wasn't considered Super Cringe when normies tried to figure out if Tom Holland and Zendaya had a thing for each other, but getting invested in the lives of two people who literally made it their career to share their lives with the internet is somehow outlandish. I'm not saying it's good to be overly invested in a stranger's life even if they are sharing parts of themselves online, but this behavior wasn't exactly unique in the phandom, and yet the phandom always gets the brute end of parasocial relantionship critisms, even though dnp themselves talk about how much they treasure the relationship they have with their audience.

I think the phandom is a very interesting fandom with interesting history, structures, and lore. However, it is constantly reduced the shipping/speculation from demons and nothing else, which honestly to me seems to come from the fact that there is an urge within people not in a group to feel better and more intelligent than the people inside that group and a refusal to want to actually understand that group. The behaviour from antis and people "caught in the middle" is just as important to understanding its history and why the people currently in the phandom act the way they do, but that doesn't make a video where you can laugh at The Weirdos for liking something too much. Also, despite the fact that people love to criticize the phandom because they believe all the phandom cares about is dnp's relationship, those same people love focusing entirely on that themselves.

#intellectual monologue

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msallurea · 5 months

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Funny astrology moment:

As we know virgo is a known as a stereotypical "obsessive" sign.

Scorpio is also known as an obsessive sign

Scorpio is ruled by pluto/Mars while virgo is ruled by mercury

For a very long time I think even still now I was always very obsessed with the thought of being the most beautiful, popular, fame, etc I was literally OBSESSED with just being perfect..

Now mind u I have mars libra 1° in 12th house. Now subconsciously I absolutely am obsessed with all things beautiful and sensual BUT when I seen me I feel like the exact opposite and feel entirely more masculine (even tho that isn't what I wanna go for at all)

I have a Scorpio ascendant 19° which is also ruled by libra and I have always been attracted to that "cute and sexy" look I'm not entirely cute but not entirely sexy I'm a mix of both(or at least that's what I want)

I also find myself being both extremely dominating and extremely submissive depending on who I'm around. If the person is more softer I find myself more dominating and vice versa

I also kinda feel like this can apply to my moon as well. I have an Aries moon in 28° which is cancer sign. I find myself when in super stressful situations I cry when I'm upset or when I can no longer remain passive. While my body is in a state of being super emotional on the inside I'm thinking of like a gazillion different ways to beat somebody up and also find self imagining very vivid violent visuals when upset or stressed.

Side note: I am in LOVE with a soft femme look moon is also related to beauty. My moon is in 6th house ruled by virgo I love makeup looks that are soft but bold and doesn't have too much going on so it's subtle. Adding on, doing makeup or self care actually is VERY therapeutic for me. Things like head/scalp massages, breast massages, or just listening to a calming voice will literally reduce my stress immediately..mind u the head is ruled by Aries so if u stress prone like me I highly suggest HEAD MASSAGES. Also because my aries moon is in 6th house I find myself not really sticking to routines very often BUT if I don't have a certain routine that makes sense to me and everything is all controlling around me then I definitely get irritated and stressed out

Also music highly affects my moods. Since cancer is ruled by moon and moon are our emotions, music highly affects my emotions and can change my moods very easily. In my moon pc I have a taurus moon in 24° which is ruled by pisces. My moon in my moon persona chart falls on 5th house, my 5th house in natal is ruled by pisces, taurus in my natal falls in my 7th house..girl when I tell yall I am one the most hopeless of hopeless romantics out there 😭😭😭. And while I don't enjoy admitting it or at least that's not how it'll appear first hand, when I'm genuinely in love, people have told me I have a "fairytale" vibe to me and down to earth energy. Also when I'm in love or love themes in general actually make me GLOW literally and I find myself in the softest state ever (which is what I actually desire to exude) when in love, it awakens my suppress themes of sensuality, helps balance my aggression and so much more.

Side note: I am highly attracted to people who happen to have taurus, pisces and Scorpio like energy. Also if someone radiates that popular energy like a leo does I find myself extremely attracted to them as well..which is ironic because my midheaven is in leo

Also going back a little to my Mars libra 1°, which I think can also determine the men you're attracted to, I find myself extremely attracted to men who are gentlemen but give off "don't fucking play with me" energy. Like they the type of men who are like sweet to me but mean to everyone else type of energy. Men who cam give me princess treatment but still radiate king like energy towards me is like my kryptonite I be WEAKKKK also since it's in 12th house I find myself being attracted to men who are something like a fairytale but unfourtanetly I also tend to attract men who use my naive mind to manipulate me in other words "don't practice what they preach" they may say one thing but there actions be the complete OPPOSITE. Or I attract people who may seem sweet and nice but are actually aggressive and/or abusive asl. Other than that I find myself being attracted to men who are masculine but not excessively aggressive as if they have some feminine energy to them (like they're gentle, communicative, grounded, etc)

Now let's go back to my pluto for a moment, my pluto trines my moon (if it isn't obvious already I have a grand fire trine), I find that my emotions and how I feel about myself are directly link to how I may feel about myself. So does the environment I'm in it affects how I feel about my self worth. Moon rules over home, my pluto is in 2nd house and 2nd house has themes of self worth, security, etc. Growing up my self worth was based off materialism (and kinda still is) also my self worth and self esteem was linked to many and determined through lots of emotional and intense situations I went through in life. For example, my dad had left when I was young I also caught him cheating with the woman my mom didn't know of at the time but he told me to keep it a secret. Pluto is a planet of secrecy, I find I'm extremely good at keeping secrets..but maybe that's because of my Scorpio rising(also would like to mention that my Scorpio 1st house also has jupiter Scorpio 14° in 1st house and beauty and stability was a very reoccurring thing for me that i needed to figure out) anyway back to pluto, if I look at my pluto pc I have pluto in 4th house..my pluto pc also has a 4th house stellium in Sagittarius. My home has definitely determined a lot of how I may see myself, whether or not I'm beautiful, etc unfourtanetly this turned into a negative way. My pluto also squares my sun, mercury and Mars. When expressing myself I tend to seem very aggressive my voice is also deeper than most females and thats something i fibd myself insecure about, for my sun I also appear as if I'm more dominating or intimidating then what I'd like or at least that's how people think of me at first, my ego I'm ngl is a little fragile and I can get offended kinda easily when in low self esteem, as for sexual expression it's suppressed n I've had some traumatic sexual experiences, my sexual expression and sex appeal has also determined how I see myself and my self worth. Actually since I spoke a little on family in my natal I have Aquarius over my 4th house and my chiron and neptune sit there. Many of my inner child would have stem from family and lack of emotional connection/empathy. So many times I find myself fantasizing about being with a family that is much nicer and more emotionally available. I also tended to assume that male figures or family members in my life who weren't good people would end up staying in my life but they ended up leaving without giving an explanation thinking they would come back hut didn't left lots of foggyness around Honesty and promises. Also..Neptune rules over drugs, my main family members I live with all at some point have used drugs such as smoking and drinking and these drugs they cover it by saying it "helps with there mental health"....but I am easily influence by things that could potentially help my mental health or stabilize it even if it's bad..drugs being one of the many occurring things within my home, they are something I should highly stay away from since addictiction is probably likely possible to trigger me..did I mention my neptune is in retrograde LMAO and so is my chiron and mental health and family has been something I've had to work with in therapy for a very long time because my family and bonds are very impacting on me more than anything else.

Side note: I always find myself either being attracted to or want to embody the dark feminine energy and light feminine energy at the same time I literally cannot be one without feeling like I wanna exude the other

Back to my virgo side. I have virgo stellium in 11th house as I've mentioned before, I find that I talk much more online then I would in person. My mercury is in virgo 26° which is ruled by taurus, many people say that when I speak I sound very humble and down to earth. Also between all of my friends many of them admit that I tend to have this "good girl" or "shy girl" appearance and that I'm quite humble even if I do get a little loud every now and then (VIRGO ENERGYY) many people who I have become close to also mention that I appear as a "mom friend" or that friend that's always making sure everyone is in line and ok. Something I find that happens constantly is that I'm putting my friends in check like a mother would LMAO (I think this relates to my aries moon tho, I'm loving but tough) I also have a TERRIBLE habit of being judgemental and nitpicking and also extremely perfectionist especially when it comes to who I'm around and my social circle. Mind you my south node is in virgo 11th house..my north node is in pisces along with my Uranus in Pisces retrograde in 5th house. While I do criticize a lot I find myself behind close doors wanting to not do any of those things. I find myself wanting to make my own little path instead of crawling or being dragged into someone else's. While I do want to be accepted by everyone else deep down I definitely want to be able to make my own mark or be like one of those unforgettable it girls such as wonyoung where I literally am my own trend instead of having to ask for spotlight I'd have my own. Me being empathetic and sweet would actually be the thing that sets this off.

Side note: 11th house rules over manifestation and so does 12th house. My virgo being over 11th house I actually LOVE affirming..bow ofc not all the time but affirming and writing have made the most sense to me in manifestation. In 12th house I have mars, while I do have my visuals of violence and aggressiveness when it all comes down to it I definitely feel I embody that one Marilyn Monroe line where she said something like "I dreamt of myself being so beautiful" cuz I LITERALLY have had dreams of me being undyingly beautiful (haha libra 12th house energy libra rules over beauty) also since my Mars is in 1° I have also seen myself being somewhat of like a trendsetter because of my beauty or being famous from my beauty. Also mars is fast paced. While I am still working on it when I really buckle down n actually apply I tend to manifest pretty fast but on another side note I also tend to be pretty forgetful especially if my mind has been stressed from too much aggression or when there's too much on my mind I quite literally forget what I did 2 hours ago. Also north node in pisces bro literally everything I ever wanted tho it hasn't passed yet I have literally SEEN the life I wanna live, from my love life, to fame, etc plus it's in 5th house and 5th house rules entertainment. And recently I have also seen me one day having children..mind you for a very long time I was against it but for some reason this year lately I've been slowly accepting maybe wanting one baby. I'd like to add that my virgo sun is in 17° my neptune is also in 17° and neptune rules over dreams, the moment I turned 17 I had the most vivid dream of my dream self even tho it was for like 5 minutes I literally cannot explain it, now in whole sign I have it in 11th house and I literally seen myself being so mf popular for my beauty and I was GLOWING (leo having themes of glowing like the sun) now my Uranus being in pisces 12° in 5th house manifestation is highly possible for me, Uranus rules over originality. At around 11-12 years old is when I found manifestation and it was around that same time I had my first vivid visualization of my dream self n that is when I decided to start manifesting. I literally saw my dream self but she was like no one I've ever seen before. My north node and mc are in Aries degree (25°) and Aries is a pioneer, when I dreamt this I radiated this leader like energy pr main character energy

Anyways that's all I got for now sorry this is a little long tell me what u guys think or if any of u have any observations with my placements of your own

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