@fenglianweek 2024 day 4 - unspoken / confession

mildly inspired by one of my fave fenglian fics by kingfisherprince on ao3!

Hi!

I know I’ve been away. Why? Well I went abroad like I said. It was really eye opening in many ways and ultimately I learned that living in Hawaii has changed my traveling experience. When you live somewhere so beautiful it can feel like most things pale in comparison, especially since I love this place beyond just thinking it’s beautiful. A lot of my life has been like this. Experiencing the extremes and trying to appreciate the balance.

There’s been some shit with my job. I’m getting hair pulled away, like I know I can’t stay here any longer but where do I go. I’m on some precipice. I’m not sure what it is but they’re making my living situation here challenging and I’m not really sure what to do because every route ends up at the same place. I feel like a lot of this is probably my Saturn return.

It’s like I tried to pursue all they said to pursue and I did, I found the end of each road, reported on everything in the in between. And I keep looping. I learned that there is nothing. I got to the bottom of the human layer and it’s air. There’s nothing guys. No matter what job I pursue, ultimately I have to work and toil under capitalism. No matter how much I empower myself, I still live under patriarchy and that limits me. Even though I’ve ascended collective consciousness, that collective consciousness still prevents me from staying outside of it for too long. It’s a strong current.

I’m not sure how to hold both and it feels like I’m living in two planes at once. A higher dimension beyond this one but I have to keep dropping down to be a wage slave or to be somehow mistreated. I feel frustrated a lot. Like I’m seeing double at all times. What currently is and what it could be. It’s like layers on top of each other. I have this higher layer operating with magic and great friendships and this other layer of the crumbling economy and the genocide and it’s confusing.

I haven’t been active because I’ve been teeter tottering between extremes trying to rebalance myself somehow. I keep getting thrown off balance by life and I’m not really sure what to do. I’m being told part of what I’m learning is to bring things down from energy and materialize it. That is very challenging to do. Feeling sort of bored lately no matter what I try. Maybe that boredom is a desire for emotions. Anyway, going through it! I’ve been feeling a desire to come back and do some posting but I’m not sure what it looks like yet. So hello!

Books hold most of the secrets of the world, most of the thoughts that men and women have had. And when you are reading a book, you and the author are alone together—just the two of you. ~ E.B. White

dragon meat, you, and me

sometimes while i think about that while a lot of adults did not treat me very well as a kid i also get a lot of 'in hindsight this person was so good to me and i didnt even realize it until now' as an adult. today i was thinking about how the first anime convention i ever went to was when i was 10 and i asked the man working the manga cafe what manga was/what a good place to start was (because the con was very overstimulating for me and i had gotten lost) and he asked how old i was before recommending yotsuba and asking if i wanted any water or something to eat. its really simple but theres a lot of bad things that couldve happened or he could've been careless in his recommendation, but instead yotsuba has remained one of my favorite manga for years, and probably a large portion of why i continue to read manga as an adult... i think adults who try to involve kids in the world safely/kindly even in little ways make so much more of a difference than they ever really know.

It all started with someone else’s hc that Donnie has an innocent/benign heart murmur on Discord and ended with “what solidified leo as the team medic?” and I have not recovered...

Bonus, after three days of extensive research and not a wink of sleep:

This is so funny to me. Reducing them down to their simplest attributes. Turning them into symbols.

and there was only one bed (oh my god there was only one bed)

extra:

littlest furth shop

@laikascomet

Happy tdov to fat trans people. 🏳️‍⚧️ Biggest thing that helped me as a trans kid was seeing older fat trans people. There were a lot of really irritating "advice" posts going around early in my time on the internet with a lot of misinformation in them, but one that I constantly saw (in addition to people claiming you should wear your pants rediculously low or only wear button ups) were posts saying you had to lose weight to transition. Can confidently confirm that is completely untrue. 👍

the brainrot won

vw sketches (id in alt)

What do you mean I’m a bit late for Janus’ big day? Of course not, how could you say such a thing! I definitely didn’t forget all about it in my absence and only get reminded in the incorrect quotes video live chat; that’s not like me at all ;]

Anyways I decided to dress our sassy snake in some different outfits I think he’d like. He seems like the type to get all dolled up on his birthday and it goes with Thomas posting pics in outfits inspired by the sides on their appreciation days!

@thatsthat24

there is always tomorrow

effective parenting tactic to get your kid to listen - pretend you are abandoning them