tw for animal death (kinda) body dysmorphia, suicidal thoughts and mentions of eating disorders

so…my dog is dying.

i’ve had this dog since i was little. I’ve had her for twelve years (i’m older than 12 in case you’re wondering. i’ve had her since i was a toddler.) and i don’t know what to do. she won’t eat, she is peeing everywhere and she isn’t her normal self. and i’m scared. the thought of having to put her down makes me feel sick to my stomach and she was diagnosed with CHF and Hyperthyroidism, and the vet said that she may not have too much time left. and i feel awful that i can’t do anything to help, i can’t fathom losing her. it terrifies me. she’s been in my life and provided so much comfort and i don’t wanna lose her, but seeing her suffer breaks my heart. and i don’t know how to handle this. i’ve never been good at handling emotions without breaking down completely and losing the one thing that’s making me happy rn is going to fucking break me. maybe i’m being dramatic. who knows.

and then earlier today, one of my family members saw me in a bathing suit, a one piece, and i’m…kinda curvy..? i don’t like talking about my body because it is weird but y’know…like, my legs are kinda thick, and I do have a visible chest. It’s nothing drastic like Jessica Rabbit or anything, but y’know. and i kinda have a chubbier stomach..? not obese, and not even fat, i’m of average weight for my height, my bmi is like, 22 or something, but i just…don’t have a flat stomach, which i was insecure about to begin with. i do work out, i have been doing better over the summer, but i just can’t make my stomach flatter. i do exercise, i walked nearly 6 miles a day the past two weeks and i’m trying to regulate my exercise times, i really am. and i try everything i can to lower my weight in a healthy way. But I tried binding my sides to make my waist smaller and mg stomach look more flat, but i can’t with a bathing suit. and a family member just…decides to saw something about how ‘i’m fat’ and i know it doesn’t sound like a big deal and i’m probably being dramatic, but i don’t have a good mindset when it comes to my body in the first place and the first thought is to go back to old really bad habits of mine.

and usually, when i stay feeling like this, my mental health tanks. and i’m stressed as fuck about school and i really fucking don’t wanna go back because this year is gonna be difficult for me academically, i’m in all honors and ap classes and it’s fucking terrifying. because everyone thinks i’m supposed to be smart, or that i’m supposed to fill in my brothers impossibly big shoes, and i can’t handle it. i feel like i can’t do anything. i’m not smart. i’m not bright, i’m no prodigy and i will never be. i’ll never be anything more than a lowlife, second place kid in my family. and i want to just…i want everything to stop. for five minutes. i need time and i don’t have it. and i’m scared.

and i already know no one is gonna see this, let alone give a shit. but it just…hurts. i’m not my brother. i’m not someone who’s smart, i’m not gonna be the future president, i’m not gonna be anything. i’m just…me. and me doesn’t seem to be enough for anyone. my friend circle completely combusted and all of the kids in that group just…left. that’s a bad thing about me, is i try too hard to keep everything i have safe and secure with me, and when it all falls apart, i just…shut down. and i feel horrible about that. i feel bad that i can’t keep everyone happy. im supposed to be the glue of my friend circle in school and i just feel like i broke it. because this year they kinda just…drifted away from me without a word. just kinda stopped wanting to be near me, stopped wanting to partner up with me during class, they would literally just start grumbling whenever i asked or they were paired up with me and i don’t know what i did wrong. and im scared to start school because of it. im scared that im gonna be friendless and im scared that i’ll be alone again. and i hate it. i hate everything that’s going on in my life and i just wanna end it.

and i know no one will see this. i know no one will care, but i just…needed to get it out somewhere. i’m sorry.

HI LOML DORI HIHIHI i promise i saw ur ask and i was literally yk the meme emoji like O_O that was me when u sent that ask!! ive been busy bc ive actually been on my shit nd studying 4 my classes like a girl boss!! i saw u posted the writers thingy and i wanted to ask: it doesn't let me start a new line on here but numbers: 8. 14 (i hate letting ppl borrow my books bc they never give it back), 21 and 24!! sorry if its alot im just super curious bc i really like ur writing style!! - dango anon

HELLOOOOOOOyes i was hoping you’d see it eventually, i was like that meme with the kid that’s side eyeing everything while drinking his soda (??)

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

i would totally attempt one without dialogue, that seems so challenging and could potentially so sick istg i toooootally will not add that to my to-write list like i don’t have a million things to do already 😵‍💫

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

YES I DO. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE. i have an ex who i let borrow my anniversary edition of fahrenheit 451 which is one of my all time favs and the mf never gave it back and i KNOW he never got around to fuckin reading it either. gave him a bookmark to use w it and everything. never AGAIN >:(. on a happier note, i do let friends and peers borrow books but i have a mental blacklist of the ones never returned and i still know exactly where they are even though i’m not DIRECTLY looking for them yk??? sixth sense typa beat LOL will i ever get any back? short answer; probably not but it’s an excuse to shop

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

in general, hell no LOL it’s actually helped me cope through trauma and depression so it’s one of best hobbies and i’d like to keep it around as long as possible—HOWEVERRR i do think i won’t write fanfiction forever, which is why i deleted the really short and (personally) cringy or hated works because if i’m to stop eventually i want to leave behind the ones i’m real proud of like inerrata or yearning man (could list all of my favs actually) because in writing them i literally used a piece of my soul and past to shape the lesson i wanted to have people read, whether i was the only one who got it or not. so really, maybe in the future i might ever get the urge to write an actual book but i don’t see myself quitting any time soon, just maybe the occasional break (like rn :’)) for burnout. however i am active and might post things on ao3 first or only on there sometimes like series because unless you’re already big they do NOT do well on here LOL

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

so if you’ve ever seen the show bones. i’m brennan if she was just averagely smart LOL yes i study everything to understand even if only the basics because sometimes underlying plot or details are what drives my story. researched for a week on the five stages of grief just to see how it manifested in different temperaments and environments and in another wip i studied engineering basics because it was the driving force or that fic’s reader’s struggle and upcoming. it mostly looks like slouching over my laptop with a thick ass notebooks making rushed notes and ending up drying my pens in the process LOL i do enjoy it but i do NOT enjoy the having ti but pens every month or so :’) it’s mostly the drive for knowledge for me because i already live learning in general. if given a timespan i think it takes about a week of searching before even writing out anything

writer asks!

i, for one, would love to hear your deep read of zombieland saga *eyes emoji*

ok i just got through lowkey ranting about zls (mostly abt how much i love junko this season) to my friend so i think im sufficiently warmed up to make a first class fool of myself on the internet by becoming another Guy Who Get s Heated About Anime

so i’ve been thinking abt this a lot since zls revenge came out- and just in general but i mean given this season is literally called Revenge it now feels especially relevant to talk about zls as a story about second chances and seeking personal growth after hitting absolute rock bottom. like in this case that rock bottom is obviously death, the greatest low you can achieve, but its also not just that i dont think. bear with me.

the zombie angle is obvi crucial to the show like its the hook its twist its the instigator for a lot of the wacky situations and hijinks and such but its also? not super necessary sometimes? or at least it feels that way. what i mean is the show is so much about the characters and their personal arcs in a way that i find so human and relatable that i sometimes legit forget this is a show about zombie pop idols

even the overarching goal that drives the plot forward of “saving saga” (though i feel like we still dont know everything there is to know abt that) has to do with this theme of second chances. its a story about comebacks, about trying to breathe life into something that seems dead. thats maybe sort of obvious, but its been hitting me how much that like core thesis informs the characters and makes their own resurrections feel.. more personal ya know?

sakura loses her shot at her dream in a split second accident and for a while isnt even able to process that because of her lost memories, while ai was at the top of her game when she died and now has to watch her former friends and fans move on without her, and lily was a child star who was literally killed by her commitment to making other people happy, only finding her love of performing again after her death. franchouchou and the mission to save saga was the reason all the girls were brought back from the dead, but it also becomes their second chances in that it gives them a reason to keep trying in the face of loss after loss.

its a funny cute show but its also got some pretty grim stuff baked right into the foundation and i think the reason it works and doesnt feel super tonally dissonant is because its so consistently heartfelt. its so easy to get sick of shows with “never give up!” type messages when it feels like the characters triumphs are assured and their struggles only ever temporary, but it never really feels that certain for franchouchou, and the losses they face send ripples of fear and doubt through its members that come back into play the next time the group is put to the test. junko doesnt lose all her anxieties after one successful show, and the way saki, who prides herself in her sense of strength and rebellious nature, struggles to contend with change and situations outside her control still feels as real every time because imo theres an understanding that that stuff leaves lasting marks, even to the resurrected, even to a zombie.

not to go even more off the rails than i already have, but i think its really interesting the many different ways zombies as a type of monster are portrayed and the way zls relates to that. the common thread as i see it, if such a thing can rly exist, is this fear of decay. not even necessarily death itself but degradation, deterioration, the processes through which every person is stripped of what makes them themselves, reduced to a husk with only the most base instincts still intact, moving around and affecting some pale imitation of life but completely empty inside.

zls as a zombie story is interesting to me because while i think those sort of fears are still present (the scene recently where saki fully realizes she’ll never get to grow up still strikes me as incredibly dark for the episode it was in, though im not saying thats a bad thing) zls supposes that a person can indeed overcome that state of decay.

it doesnt treat the idea lightly; positive change is HARD and a thousand times more so for these characters who have already reached what should have been their lives natural conclusion. the sorta thesis i feel like zls and particularly revenge are presenting is that personal growth is a constant battle against the path of least resistance, the predisposition towards stagnation or defeatism that occurs after a traumatic loss. it’s not enough to be handed a second chance, you’re still just another mindless zombie until you decide to try and be more, and even then you have to keep making that choice every day that youre alive.

so yea hopefully this doesnt all read as some totally insane Reach but like once again, it may not necessarily be that deep, but it COULD be. and thats whats important to me <3

summary: you are a mermaid and you save a handsome man from drowning but little do you know it’s not his first rodeo when dealing with mermaids. seonghwa, a former prince, is currently hongjoong’s first mate and boyfriend. hongjoong is the captain, the pirate king of the most savage crew across the seas. and you want nothing to do with them. not because they’re pirates, but because they’re humans…

ships: mermaid!reader x prince/pirate!seonghwa x pirate!hongjoong; wizard!yunho x demon!jongho, pirate!yeosang x mermaid!soojin x pirate!mingi (implied)

genre: little mermaid!au, pirate!au, fantasy, humour, romance

author’s note: i can’t believe this is over omg?!?! im legit bawling my eyes out rn 😭😭 i hope you guys like the end of pirate kings because i poured my entire heart into it! 💖💖 also be on the lookout for take me home, aurora, one day at a time and promise references hehe 🌅 🌅 thank you for going on this journey across the seas with me!

warnings: some swearing, mentions of drowning & torture, bittersweet (?) ending

word count: 2.6k

chapter one ☠️ chapter two ☠️ chapter three ☠️ chapter four ☠️ chapter five ☠️chapter six ☠️ chapter seven ☠️ chapter eight ☠️ chapter nine ☠️ chapter ten ☠️ chapter eleven ☠️ chapter twelve ☠️ spotify playlist

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Yunho's POV

My genius plan was that I would become more powerful than Jongho himself. So powerful that he wouldn't even be capable of taking my soul. So powerful that he wouldn’t even dare to try. Little did I know that as I shared my idea with Seonghwa, a certain someone was conveniently listening. Little did I know how this giant mess I'd created will play out...

Once Seonghwa was reassured that I would be perfectly safe despite the deal I had made with Jongho, he left me to my own devices. No sooner had I teleported myself back to my lighthouse than Jongho appeared out of nowhere, visibly angry. But there was something else in his expression. Something I couldn't quite define. Not yet, at least.

"How much of it did you hear?" I asked, already prepared for the worst.

"All of it," Jongho scoffed.

"Regardless," I spoke confidently. "Even if you do know what I'm planning, you can't stop me. You already know how much potential I have. Or else, you wouldn't have agreed to this deal. I'm right, no?"

Jongho shook his head.

"Your silly little plan won't work, wizard."

"Really?" I smiled, because I knew my own abilities better than he did. I was absolutely certain I could beat him. "And why is that?" I inquired, out of curiosity. He didn't scare me. Just...intrigued me.

"Because I never intended to take your soul, you fool."

Now, that was something I didn't expect to hear.

Jongho had somehow managed to catch me unprepared.

"W-what do you mean?"

"You know why I'm stealing so many souls?" I was about to open my mouth but Jongho wasn't having it. "Ah-ah, just let me finish. I know what you think. I know what everyone thinks. But it's an act. Apparently, I was too good an actor and completely fooled everyone, didn't I? The reason I've been collecting souls is not because I want to be more powerful than the devil. It's because I don't have one myself."

"H-huh?" I whispered in confusion. "Jongho, I don't understand..."

He placed a finger on my lips and I felt compelled to just...listen. Hear him out.

"But ever since I met you, I've felt...different. Like I could be more than just a demon making deals. Like I could matter."

I was too shocked to say anything so I just stared at him, utterly dumbfounded. And then he continued:

"What good would taking your soul do when you're the very reason I might be growing a soul in the first place?"

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" I had to make sure.

"I know it's fucking insane and you’re supposed to be my sworn enemy or whatever but—"

This time, I couldn't let him finish his sentence and interrupted him with my lips on his. To my absolute dismay, he was kissing me back with as much vigour as I was. As much vigour as he put into challenging me and getting on my nerves and frustrating the living hell out of me. As much vigour as I knew only he was capable of.

"I thought this was impossible," I mumbled against his lips once I broke away from the kiss.

"So did I. But do you want me to tell you how I know it's real?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to say anything else.

"Because when you look at me, I no longer feel the urge to torture you for eternity."

"I should feel flattered, I suppose," I joked.

"It's up to you how you feel, wizard," Jongho replied. "And up to me to continue making you feel this way."

"The terrifying Jongho — a hopeless romantic. Who would have thought?" I teased him relentlessly.

"It's not too late for me to change my mind and snatch your soul."

"You greedy little thing. My heart isn't good enough for you?"

"Your heart?" Jongho chuckled and wrapped his arms around my neck. "It's mine now."

☠️☠️☠️

Yeosang's POV

The more time I spent around Mingi, the more I could see how much he'd changed for the better. And how much he was about to continue changing. Despite everything that had gone down in the past, I was feeling incomprehensibly drawn to him. And I wanted to be there for him. I knew that it would take some time for the rest of the crew to get used to Mingi being out of his cell. But I was determined to give him a chance. And convince the rest of them, it was a chance worth taking. Especially my dear Soojin...

"Sangie, he literally kidnapped us and left us without water for a week!" she reasoned.

"I know. I'm not making any excuses for—"

"And he cut off your hand! Your hand, Yeosang!" she reminded me needlessly. As if I could forget.

"Like I said, I'm not going to justify Mingi's actions. All I'm asking is that you give him another chance. He's been showing remorse. And I truly believe that if the circumstances had been different, he wouldn't have behaved the way that he did."

Soojin sighed, unsure of what to say.

"People aren't born evil," I insisted. "Everyone makes choices. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. What matters is what we do to fix the bad ones."

"Yeosang...I really want to do as you say, but it just sounds so difficult, okay?"

"I'm literally a pirate, sweetheart," I rolled my eyes. "If you don't hold it against me, I don't see a problem. Mingi's not exactly the villain he's painted himself to be."

Soojin nodded thoughtfully.

"Alright. You have a point. I'll give him a chance. One chance and that's it. If he fucks up again, I'm taking him to the depths of the sea myself."

"I suppose that's fair," I shrugged. "You heard that, Mingi?"

"Loud and clear," he grinned, a couple of metres away from us.

"He was right there the whole time?!" Soojin hiss-whispered in disbelief. "This is so embarrassing."

"Oh, come on. Don't tell me you've chickened out and those were just empty threats," Mingi winked at her.

She physically shuddered and I couldn't help but laugh. So cute.

"Relax, Soojin. Mingi's our friend now. Aren't you?" I asked.

"If you want me to be," he scratched the back of his head a bit awkwardly.

"Come here, let's play cards," I suggested casually. "Loser gets to swim with the sharks."

"There are no sharks in this sea," Soojin pointed out confidently.

"Yeosang wasn't talking about actual sharks," Mingi correctly guessed. "He meant that I would have to go talk to Hongjoong and Seonghwa. Because, obviously, I'm terrible at cards and I would definitely lose the game. And these two are scarier than bloody sharks."

Soojin rolled her eyes.

"Pirates and their stupid way of talking."

"You get used to it," I playfully nudged her arm.

"There's no escape now."

"Let's skip the game," Mingi suggested. "I'll just go talk to the sharks right now and beg for mercy or whatever."

"We'll come with. Right, Soojin?" I offered.

"Like I have a choice," she groaned but I could tell that she was gradually warming up to the idea of letting Mingi stick around.

"Thanks, guys. I appreciate the moral support," Mingi blushed.

"I guess you could say...I'll be your right hand," I stared at the hook replacing my missing hand and snickered sarcastically. Mingi and Soojin were beyond mortified by my dark sense of humour. "Too soon?"

☠️☠️☠️

Hongjoong's POV

"I mean...we already had dealings with a demon and a wizard so I don't see how Mingi could pose a threat," I reasoned. "No offense, Mingi."

"None taken," he smiled.

"So, you're going to let him stay? Unguarded?" Seonghwa wanted to know.

"Let him stay — yes. Unguarded — no. If you're so insistent he's changed, you'll have to take full responsibility. You think you can handle that, Yeosang?" I posed the serious question.

"I've got this, Cap," Yeosang promised.

"I'll be around, too," Soojin vowed. "You don't have to worry, Cap."

I nodded in agreement. Seonghwa seemed to be on board with the idea. Honestly, after all the shit we'd been through with that demon, Mingi was the least of my concerns. But of course, I couldn't say that directly. So I had to play the "responsible leader worried for his crew" card. And apparently, I played it well.

"Wow, this went better than expected," I could hear Mingi whispering to Yeosang, as they were walking away. Seonghwa and I exchanged an amused look.

"Shh, we just caught him in a good mood," Yeosang explained carefully. "Be nice and he might let you stay for good."

"Guys, be quiet!" Soojin warned them. Clever mermaid, I told myself and grinned. Speaking of mermaids...

"Not so fast!" Y/N ordered them to stop. And so they did. Rightaway. Made me wonder who was the real Captain of this ship. Not that I minded her taking away some of my responsibilities. I even liked it.

"Yes?" Yeosang seemed kinda nervous.

"Make sure you treat my sister well. Both of you!" Y/N commanded them easily. "Or else...I'll have no problem letting the siren out to deal with you. And she's not someone you want to mess with. Ask Hongjoong."

The shock on my face was not at all exaggerated as I nodded to confirm her words.

"She'll be safe with us, Y/N," Yeosang made a pledge. "Right, Mingi?"

"Um, yeah, what he said."

"You don't sound very convincing," Y/N eyed him suspiciously.

Damn, I had to admit I was proud of her and how much she'd grown.

"Oh, let him go this time, will you?" I pulled her aside gently and she couldn't find it in herself to argue. Once Yeosang, Soojin and Mingi had taken their leave, she removed her "intimidating siren" mask and was back to her usual, gentle self I knew and loved.

"You guys think we made the right call?"

"It'll be fine," I was fairly certain. "If push comes to shove, Yunho will just help us out again, right?"

"As if he doesn't have enough problems with that demon," Y/N argued. "We can't continue using him for our needs."

"Yeah...about that," Seonghwa started.

☠️☠️☠️

Seonghwa's POV

As I was telling them about Yunho and Jongho's change in dynamics, Hongjoong and Y/N were too taken aback to react with anything else but by opening their mouths. Which was, to say the least, quite adorable of them.

"So...these two...?" Y/N asked as if to confirm what I'd just finished recounting.

"Mhm," I grinned.

"Wow," Hongjoong managed.

"I know."

"This is good news, yes? It means both Hongjoong and Yunho get to keep their souls," Y/N wanted to make sure it was indeed real.

"I mean, demons can be pretty unpredictable but judging from Yunho's happy expression when I last talked to him, I'm willing to be hopeful for once," I explained. "We've had enough trouble as it is, don't you think? We deserve something good to happen to us."

"Couldn't agree more," Hongjoong grabbed my hand and Y/N's. "But I get what she means. After all the dangers we've experienced, it just seems so unbelievable that we're finally safe."

"Too good to be true, eh?" Y/N sighed. "Let's enjoy this while we can."

"I think this one will last a bit longer," I smiled knowingly.

"Hey, don't jinx it," Hongjoong squeezed my hand softly.

"Just trust me, alright?" I looked at them both.

"I do."

"As do I."

"And I'm gonna catch you when you fall or when you're sinking," I murmured.

"I think I speak from experience when I say I'm the one more likely to save a pirate from drowning," Y/N poked fun at us.

"I was just trying to sound poetic," I pouted.

"And we appreciate the effort," Hongjoong reassured me. "But she's right."

"You two turning against me? Oh, how the tables have turned!" I announced dramatically.

"Don't pretend you don't like it," Y/N ran a hand through my hair and tilted her head towards Hongjoong. "He likes it, doesn't he, Cap?"

"I bet he does."

"Hey, Y/N. My eyes are up here," I reminded her.

"Oh, I know," she blinked, feigning innocence.

"Too bad I can't even be mad at you," I chuckled.

"Why be mad when you can be rad?" Hongjoong interjected.

"That was so terrible," I groaned. "You're lucky I love you."

"Both of us?" Y/N asked hopefully.

"Unfortunately," I admitted.

"Guess we'll have to work harder to turn that into a fortunately," Y/N teased. "Wait, my bad. I forgot you two already have a wholeass fortune in the form of a bunch of treasure chests."

"Is that why you like us?" Hongjoong teased. "Who knew mermaids could be golddiggers?"

"I'll show you a golddigger!" Y/N threatened and started chasing Hongjoong around the ship. They were so childish sometimes...

🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️

Reader's POV

You could tell that you had a couple of more minutes left until your siren-like side rose to the surface so you decided to enjoy them. As you were watching the sun setting, you couldn't help but recall your very first memories of Seonghwa and Hongjoong. What started as a simple joke, Hongjoong throwing Seonghwa overboard, followed by you saving Seonghwa from a whirlpool, had turned into so much more. It was funny how life often surprised you in the most unexpected ways. How a few months ago, if anyone asked you about pirates (and humans, in general), you would have scoffed distastefully. If anyone asked Seonghwa about mermaids, he would have still been haunted by the loss of Ariel. If anyone asked Hongjoong, he would have said mermaids spelled nothing but danger. And now...Now, the three of you had become so different. And in a way, so similar. Forgetting all these labels that once used to define you and just finding happiness in each other. In the adventures you'd had together. In the shared feeling of being trusted, feeling known. And loved. It was even funnier how you didn't find it strange at all. On the contrary, it felt perfectly natural that you were here. Made perfect sense that you had a home with Seonghwa and Hongjoong. A former prince, a pirate king and a lost but now found mermaid. You wouldn't have it any other way.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" you said out loud, sensing Seonghwa's presence beside you.

"Yes, it is," Seonghwa replied, looking at you.

"I have to go soon."

"But you'll be back in the morning. As usual."

You simply smiled. It went without saying.

"I wish I could stay the night," you whispered longingly. "Fall asleep in your arms."

"You could. I know you'll be able to control your powers. I'm sure Hongjoong will agree with me."

"I probably could control them. But I don't mind going back to my home in the night. Even though...this is also my home. Does it make sense?"

"I believe it does," Seonghwa rubbed calming circles on your palm. "Just like how you have a human and mermaid self, you also have two homes."

You nodded.

"Exactly."

"In a way, I feel the same. Both you and Hongjoong are my homes."

You rested your forehead against his.

"And we will always be your homes, Hwa."

"Don't go," he murmured against your skin. "I don't want to be alone anymore. Every night."

"You're not alone anymore. You have Hongjoong. And me. And I will be back with the first light of day."

"Promise?"

"I promise you, Seonghwa. Even if the whole world ends, I will always find my way back to you."

The end

Twelve days of Tarot messages for the zodiacs • Day five Leo ♌️

@ hellokittymexico instagram

all rights reserved

Heyy Muerte babys :DD

For this series, it will be a collective read, meaning if this doesn’t resonate with you and you happen to be an Leo Sun, Moon or Rising, that means this message is simply not for you. If you’d like a more accurate read to fit your situation, you have the opportunity to book with me here.

There are three piles for you to choose from. All are for anyone whom is an Leo Sun, Leo Moon, or Leo Rising.

—

PILE ONE

The Sun, 10 of Wands, The Emperor, 2 of Cups, 4 of Pentacles, 8 of Wands, The Tower, The Lovers, Death - Situation

The Hanged Man rx, Ace of Wands, 6 of Cups - Advice

Hi pile one chooser(s),

So with The Sun right off this tells me you’re in your prime rn 😭 I feel like you are definitely a Leo Sun (Hence literally The Sun card)

Right now I feel like you’re having trouble communicating your needs & wants to your partner. I see you have struggles that are leaving you burnt out, and just done with everything. Everytime you bring this up to your partner, they shut you down. Acting like is your fault or something.

I see you would rather not be in a relationship with this person anymore, more of as a friendship. You’re keeping these thoughts to yourself because like I just said, everytime you bring up the concern they never own up to it or at least try to work the issues out.

As for advice wise, Tarot says, you need to stop trying to get them to see it in your perspective, stop pushing them to fulfill your needs, if you have to push your partner to help you through dark times, they aren’t the one. If you still want to work on this connection though, because I feel like you won’t really listen to advice when given, then bring excitement back into the relationship, I’m literally hearing people just talking over each other, are you shizchophrenic? (I don’t know how to spell it 💀) Or this could be representing you both. Stop getting mad when your partner doesn’t know how to respond to you bringing up your unsatisfied feelings, or knowning how to fulfill them and make you more satisfied with the relationship, you need to come at your partner in a more calm way, tell them about how you’re feeling in a more gentle way, don’t yell at them for not understanding. Also bring up what you all have been through, the happy memories, it’ll help you both realize how little of an issue this is, and how much you’ve both overcome together in the past. You two also could need a bring since, I counted how many cards I pulled for this read (didn’t even intend to, just randomly thought why not) and it was 12 cards, 12 in numerology is the number of independence, individuality.

Hope this helps x 💘

PILE TWO

2 of Pentacles, Justice, 2 of Wands, 6 of Cups, Ace of Wands, The Hanged Man rx - Situation

Page of Cups, 9 of Pentacles - Advice

Hi pile two chooser(s),

Oooh are you hiding a secret or something?

Justice came out facing downwards, which tells me you’re hiding the truth to something, or is someone hiding a truth from you?

I feel like you came from another part of this Tarot messages series, and Leo is in your big three. You may identify as masculine, did you come from the Tarot messages for Cancers?

I see currently you’re balancing things out in your life, you’re weighing the pros and cons to what the outcome would be if you told the truth to a secret, I feel like you’ve kept this secret for a while. Perhaps you’ve reconnected with a past ex and didn’t tell your partner? Something wild like that. Did you come from pile one?

You don’t know how to come fourth with this secret, you’re refusing to change your perspective and being a little selfish with this secret, you’re waiting until something bad happens enough to come out with this secret to have the last word, I feel like.

As for advice, Tarot says, you need to stop thinking of the potential negative outcomes of coming out with this secret. Be more mature and focus on the positive attributes, think how refreshing it’ll be to get that dark secret off your chest! I feel like the outcome of coming out with this secret, won’t be too negative, even if it does be a little negative, at the end of the day, you’ll feel more better about yourself. This person will see you differently for being honest about it, and finally owning up to it.

I wish you luck on coming out with whatever this secret is 🍀✨✨

PILE THREE

Queen of Swords, 5 of Pentacles rx, 3 of Cups rx - Situation

2 of Swords rx - 2nd Card Pull

Ace of Wands, 6 of Cups - 3rd Card Pull

King of Cups, Ace of Pentacles, Temperance, 6 of Wands - Advice

Hi pile three chooser(s),

Ooh I see you’re being very straightforward currently. You’re being bold & honest, not giving af, and standing your ground.

I see recently an ex friend has returned in your life, I’m hearing an old situation has gotten restarted back up? Possibly old drama getting started all over again? Mmm and I also feel like you came from Pile two 🤣

You could also be a nurse 💀 Because I just sprayed perfume and put on lotion, and now my room smells like a doctor’s office, like you could be pediatric nurse, a nurse for babies or little kids

You are seeing through all the bs, this reading reminds me of a Tarot reading I watched on youtube with my mom, it was a reading on Beyoncé, so you could be a Beyoncé stan and or a Beyoncé song can resonate with you, regarding this situation.

Like I said you’re seeing through all the lies & schemes, I feel like this ex person really got you f*cked up!

This ex person may have made a lot of promises to you in the past and never came through with the promises. They also probably have tried to pull some weird sh*t & copy your style, be a mini you. This person really f*cked you up, on purpose, trying to bring you down to their level.

As for advice, Tarot says, you need to look at this situation in a more logical way, and see what you can get out of this reconciliation, see how this person can benefit you. Have patience with this person, I know how upset you are of how they’ve done you, but imagine how it miserable it feels to be them, to want to ruin someone else’s life & reputation on purpose. This isn’t your responsibility though, so do as you please. I’m hearing “Make a example out of this person” Be the bigger & more mature person, give this person & all the other hating mfs a reason to grieve over you, to admire you, to want to be you. You don’t know what to do, you probably feel like you’re drowning in your thoughts, and you feel like you just need to sleep on this, you probably have been sleeping on this, hell, that’s probably why you’ve been seeking for advice, because you desperately know you need to make a decision soon.

You have a lot of opportunities from this reconciliation, what option will you choose?

—

Leo bbies I see you’re all dealing with a lot of nostalgia during the month of February, don’t fold 💀

-> Reblog if resonated

a Christmas miracle ➛ z.cl

genre: fluff, comedy/crack, bestfriend!chenle, gender neutral reader, hurt/comfort somewhat

pairing: zhong chenle x reader

word count: 2,588 words

warning(s): some swearing

summary: Christmas had been the same old same old holiday for you and your family for plenty of years now, fully embracing the tradition of meeting up with family, exchanging presents, and enjoying each other’s presence on Christmas day. however, this year seemed to feel quite different, with your family quite literally forgetting that Christmas even existed, and with you all stuck in your apartment alone in the snowy city, you weren’t so sure what you were going to do for Christmas this year. unbeknownst to you, though, your sneaky best friend had a trick up his sleeve, and he was determined to make this Christmas one you’ll remember forever.

note: this is a part of mylin’s @suh-insane​ and sunny’s @neocitybynight​ Walking in a Winter Wonderland collab! this is my first time participating in a collab solely for Christmas, so I hope you all enjoy this fic of mine! Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it! I hope you all have an amazing and safe Christmas this year, and I just wanted to let you all know that I appreciate and love you guys so so SO much! (and to the people who don’t celebrate it, I still hope you all have a wonderful day nonetheless!)

prompts chosen: “when we finally kiss goodnight how I’ll hate going out in the storm! but if you’ll really hold me tight all the way home I’ll be warm.” + “that’s what Christmas memories are made from. they’re not planned; they’re not scheduled. nobody puts them in their blackberry. they just happen.”

for the past few months, time seemed to fly by without leaving a trace behind, and before you knew it, it was already Christmas day. if it was any other year, you would’ve woken up earlier, around 6 AM to be precise, and start your trek to your parents house with their gifts in hand. however, since your parents and the rest of your family got caught up in other ordeals, and quite literally forgot that Christmas even existed, you had woken up quite later than 6 AM. 9 AM, if you were being specific.

you had still bought your family presents for Christmas, of course, and took the time to wrap them and spiffy them up yourself with various different kinds of Christmas wrapping paper you’ve collected over the years as a pro wrapper (in actuality, it was just your mother giving you extra wrapping paper when she accidentally bought too much, so you weren’t entirely a pro wrapper, per se). what you were trying to say is that you put a lot of thought into buying and decorating presents for your family, and you were sort of down about how you wouldn’t be able to give them their presents in person this year.

basically, what you were trying to get across is that you quite literally had no plans for Christmas this year, and you were probably going to spend your entire day wailing away in your apartment.

nonetheless, you pulled yourself out of bed after being in deep thought for thirty minutes straight, and decided to actually not wail away in your apartment for the rest of the day. it was time to be festive, you thought to yourself, as you slowly made your way around your room to move your curtains aside to let some sunlight seep in. although you were in a brooding mood, you didn’t entirely want your room to reflect that.

you huff to yourself as you slide your feet against the carpet floor, swinging open your closet doors and glancing over all of your clothes, none of them really catching your attention. you sigh before closing both of your closet doors dramatically, turning around and heading towards your dresser. you can faintly hear your phone buzz on your nightstand as you pull on one of the knobs on one of your dresser drawers that contains your pajama pants. you grab a random pair of snug pajama pants and opt to keep the same pajama shirt you wore to bed last night on before heading to the bathroom to change.

after taking some time to get dressed and brush your teeth, you finally exit your bathroom and toss the pajama shorts you wore last night in your hamper. you snatch your phone and stash it in your pocket before making your way towards your miniature kitchen. you promptly grab your kettle and fill it up with water, waiting for it to reach the third line before placing it on your stove. you move the dial until its exactly on high temperature, and you’re about to start to make yourself breakfast until you feel your phone buzz in your pocket.

fed up with how active your phone had been for the past thirty minutes, you finally fish your phone out of your pocket and lean against the counter next to your stove.

your phone contained the usual notifications, such as Instagram likes, Team Snapchat sending you a Christmas snap, your best friend chenle spamming your phone- wait, your best friend chenle spamming your phone? that was FAR from your usual notifications, and you were honestly quite surprised that he was contacting you on Christmas day this year. he’s usually spending it with his family all day, and never texts you back until he gets back home, which is around eight PM.

without thinking, you unlock your phone and tap on the messages icon, and your jaw almost drops when you see how many messages he sent you within the past few hours. since 6 AM, chenle has sent you over one hundred messages, and for once, you were grateful that you were a heavy sleeper, because if you were a light sleeper and woke up to every single one of his messages, you would’ve lost your mind.

you [9:45 AM]: please chenle what do you WANT FROM ME

lele the dumdum [9:45 AM]: WOW YOU’VE FINALLY WOKEN UP FROM UR DEEP SLUMBER

lele the dumdum [9:45 AM]: I THOUGHT U WERE NEVER GOING TO WAKE UP

lele the dumdum [9:46 AM]: took u long enough smh

you [9:46 AM]: ...is this really how you’re going to treat me on Christmas day??

lele the dumdum [9:46 AM]: I treat you like this all the time. what makes you think that today’s gonna be any different?

you [9:47 AM]: …

lele the dumdum [9:47 AM]: anyways… MY GORGEOUS WONDERFUL BESTIE WHAT DO U HAVE PLANNED FOR CHRISTMAS TODAY

lele the dumdum [9:48 AM]: DO ANY OF UR PLANS INVOLVE ME POTENTIALLY COMING OVER??? O.O

you [9:48 AM]: is this why you’ve been spamming my phone SINCE 6 AM!?!?!

you [9:48 AM]: also why were you awake at 6 am anyways

you [9:49 AM]: did your crush finally text you back or are you still drowning in loneliness like usual

lele the dumdum [9:50 AM]: I don’t even have a crush??? who told you that false information

you [9:50 AM]: the little elves running around my house whispered it in my ear last night

lele the dumdum [9:51 AM]: I think you’re going to delusional

you [9:51 AM]: I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case at this point

lele the dumdum [9:51 AM]: MOVING ON

lele the dumdum [9:52 AM]: WHAT DO U HAVE PLANNED

lele the dumdum [9:52 AM]: I NEED TO KNOW THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

you [9:53 AM]: me planning to wail in sorrow all day is very important to you??

lele the dumdum [9:53 AM]: ...excuse me what?? UR GOING TO WAIL IN SORROW ALL DAY ON CHRISTMAS DAY!?!?

lele the dumdum [9:54 AM]: this is not acceptable. I am coming over right now to spread some of my FESTIVENESS AND JOLLINESS with you :D

you [9:55 AM]: chenle you really don’t have to-

lele the dumdum [9:55 AM]: TOO BAD IM OMW RN AS WE SPEAK

you [9:56 AM]: at least bring some festivities, games, and snacks with you 🙄

lele the dumdum [9:56 AM]: oh shit you have a point

lele the dumdum [9:57 AM]: BRB ILL BE THERE IN 30

you knew that once chenle had made his mind up about something, he wasn’t going to change it that easily, so it would be futile to try and stop him now. you don't bother replying to his last message, and you shove your phone back in your pocket a few moments before your kettle whistles. you move on from chenle tormenting you for twelve minutes straight and make yourself some tea and breakfast instead.

it was now around 10:30 AM, and you had just finished digesting your breakfast when you feel your phone buzz in your pocket again. you were lying down on your small, beige couch, with your cold tea sat on the coffee table a few feet away. you were still in your pajamas, with no intent of changing into actual clothes anytime soon.

once again, you fish your phone out of your pocket to see what nonsense chenle was texting you this time.

lele the dumdum [10:31 AM]: open up, bitch

you [10:31 AM]: I thought I gave you a spare key??

lele the dumdum [10:32 AM]: shit I forgot it

lele the dumdum [10:32 AM]: anyways OPEN UP

you lazily lift yourself up from off of your couch, grasping your mug of cold tea on the way to the door. you take your time unlocking your door, halfly because you felt like annoying chenle, and halfly because you were just over today in general.

the first thing that stands out to you once you swing open your front door is how different your outfit looks compared to chenle. he was all bundled up with plenty of layers to keep him warm while adventuring the city, and meanwhile you adorned white and pink striped pajamas with socks on. you also noticed that he had a dark grey bookbag on his back, and was holding two full bags in his hands.

the two of you stare at each other for a few more seconds until chenle breaks the silence with: “I think this is the most I’ve seen you look like a complete old person. there have been other times, but the old person persona is just jumping out at me right now.”

you roll your eyes. “don’t say that when you yourself have dressed up as an old person before.”

“yeah, yeah,” he brushes you off, passing by you to slip his shoes off and to take off his five hundred layers. “it doesn’t matter whether you look like an old person, it mainly matters whether you have the spirit of an old person, you know?”

“I cannot comprehend your words this early in the morning. we can have a conversation about whether I act like an old person later.” you say as you watch him remove his large, dark green jacket and place it onto your coat rack. you can hear him scoff at your remark, and you grin as you see the corners of his mouth lift up slightly.

“early in the morning? y/n it’s only-” he pauses to check his phone “10:32 AM. that’s early for you?”

“I woke up at 9 AM, you dum.”

“oh,” he swivels around to face you after taking his shoes off and removing all of his additional layers. “makes sense, I guess. you’ve only been awake for an hour and a half, so you’re probably not fully awake yet. I mean, I’ve been awake since 6 am, and I’m bursting with energy compared to you.”

you give him a deadpan expression in response to what he said, and he can’t help but burst out laughing at your reaction. he steps up beside you and pats your shoulder gently. “well, besides that, I’m gonna be the one who helps you burst with energy like I am right now! follow me!” he whisper-shouts a few inches away from your ear, and you can feel his hand leave your shoulder and grasp your right hand in a matter of seconds.

he leads you back towards your couch, and even somehow manages to help you set your mug down even though he has bags in his hands. the two of you plop down on your couch, and you almost melt at how soft and comfortable your couch was. you closed your eyes for a few seconds as chenle rustled through his bags beside you, and you don’t know how much time has passed when chenle starts to snap his fingers at you.

“y/n, I am not going to deal with your sleepy ass right now. I spent around forty minutes scurrying around the city to find things to lift your mood, and I am not going to let those forty minutes go to waste just because you’re tired.”

you groan and roll to the other side, facing away from chenle. “just five more minutes…”

surprisingly, you’re met by silence in response to your wish of wanting five more minutes of rest, but that silence doesn’t last when you feel something cold touch your face.

you screech and immediately open your eyes to witness chenle pressing an ice cube onto your forehead. you swat the ice cube off of your forehead as quick as you can, and stare up at chenle like he’s gone completely mad. “what was that for?”

he grins proudly. his plan had worked. “awake now? great. now, help me figure out what we should do first.”

“I think you’ve gone mad. I cannot believe you just woke me up by pressing an ice cube onto my forehead.” you complain, still feeling the coldness of the ice cube on your forehead. when you finally move to face him now, you see that he had brought plenty of things for you two to entertain yourselves.

“I could’ve done worse things, like dip my hand into freezing water and press it against your face, but I was feeling generous today, so I decided to spare you the pain.”

you scoff. “right. anyways, what’d you bring?”

he glances at you excitedly before getting into it. “well, I brought plenty of snacks, some fizzy drinks, some board games, some movies I rented that we could watch together, some candy, etc. I honestly brought everything that I thought you would like with me, so I really hope all of this is enough to make your Christmas day a little bit more festive. I may have also bought you a present, but besides that… let’s get this party started! ...y/n?”

he tears his gaze away from the couch to up to your face, and you don’t entirely register that you’re crying until a few minutes after staring into his eyes. “oh, I’m sorry… I just… I’m just really grateful that you decided to come all this way to cheer me up on Christmas day, and you brought so many things with you as well to make me feel better so… thank you, chenle.”

he beams at you even though he can feel a tear threatening to fall from his left eye, and instead of letting you see him cry as well, he quickly wraps his arms around your figure, bringing you into a tight hug. “of course, y/n. you know I’d do anything for you, right? if you’re down, I’m going to cheer you up in some way, shape, or form, and if you feel like watching the world burn, then I’ll be right by your side.”

“awh, stop it, you’re going to make me cry even more.” you faintly hit his back with your hand, and he giggles as a few tears fall down his face.

the two of you stay like that for a good five more minutes, which is enough time for chenle to regain his composure and act like he didn’t shed a few tears in the process. he slowly leaves your grasp, taking a good look at your face and wiping some tears off of your face with his thumb. “you know what I think will make you feel better?”

you grin. “what?”

he smiles before swiveling around to rustle through his bookbag, and your eyes widen when you finally process what he’s up to.

the next moment happens so quickly you can barely register that it’s happening. chenle swivels around with two nerf guns in his hands, throws you one that lands perfectly in your arms, and declares: “me completely destroying you in a nerf gun battle will make you feel better.” before he releases fire on you.

you shriek as you run across your apartment, trying to avoid the plastic bullets that chenle was littering your apartment with. eventually, he does win the battle, and it does make you feel better in the end, but let’s not mention that or else his ego will run wild, alright?

fae rants about amasai

OKAY MOST OF THIS IS JUST MY INTERPRETATION DON’T TAKE THIS AS CANON!!! rantaros...like...really reserved and untrusting. this probably has a mixture of the fact he was in the past killing game and knows someone's the mastermind, and also because hes been in a lot of danger during his trips. because of this, he often makes cryptic comments, always looks sketchy, and appears to know more than everyone else.

therefore, its no wonder nobody makes an effort to get to know him, since HE for sure isnt. which is one of the reasons i enjoy amasai. it reminds me of celesgiri in a lot of ways, except...its amasai. even as friends, shuichi and rantaro had SO much potential with their dynamic..unfortunately, that was all overruled by saimatsu. 

i have nothing against saimatsu, its a nice ship, but its really sad honestly because the entire first chapter was spent cramming all this saimatsu in our faces so shuichi has a reason to take off his hat and it wont be a weird transition when hes protag- really, under any other circumstances it probably wouldnt have happened. a bit forced. 

before i discovered amasai, i always wrote non despair aus with shuichi, kaede, and rantaro as the main friend group. rantaros probably a better option for shuichi since he not only would also urge shuichis self confidence, but he doesnt do it in a pushy way. kaedes great and all but it's hard for her to know when to stop, relax. rantaros much more chill about this and wouldnt pressure shuichi as much. and when he reminds him to eat food and the like, but sounds generally caring rather than just... "eat rn cuz youll die otherwise" 

and the POTENTIAL. the literal mystery dude x detective. we couldnt have that in thh since ??? and detective were the same person, we couldnt have it in sdr2 xuz there was no detective. but in v3...yay! unfortunately they had literally no time together sobsob 

plus. shuichis also good for rantaro. 

i know ive been talking about how rantaro helps shuichi, and its obvious to see that rantaros supportive and the like, but shuichis also good for rantaro. like i previously mentioned, rantaros really closed off. hes nice but..reserved. same as celesgiri, with a detective there, rantaros mysteries can be unravelled without him having to actually say anything. 

also, rantaros usually depicted as the protective one shuichis obsessing over. but honestly i feel like rantaro also has some issues. he lost twelve whole girls for fucks sake. hes probably really self blaming. plus its really not healthy for him to hide all his feelings behind a calm smile, and shuichi could probably help drag those out.

and. think about this for a moment. if rantaro was the one who woke up in the lockers with shuichi..so much more interaction. if they had more chances to talk and trust each other ((since rantaro knows someone here's the mm, a detective is the best person to help his search))...and....EXCHANGED PLANS... v3 wouldnt have happened. kaede would never try her little stunt, tsumugi would never get a chance to take advantage of that stunt. if rantaro got the chance to trust shuichi and be like.. "hey ur a detective well i have some clues" and they used shuichis plan with the powder, they would've easily found out the mm...and stopped all of this... 

alright im not ranting about this just because im complete amasai TRASH, but also cuz its honestly really good for both parties involved. ive never seen an actual hater of the ship, and for good reason. the only reason why it isnt popular is because its a bit of a rarepair, not interpreted a lot ((trust me. I've already been through ALL the content at least five times)) and overshadowed by other ships. whether you prefer it as a platonic or romantic pairing, their personalities and interactions are very cool. most danganronpa fanfics ((that don't focus on rantaro)) i've seen often water him down to just the popular guy, and it really irritates me honestly when people make hin flirty- because his whole character is literally the opposite- and also cuz its funny reading about a guy like rantaro gettinf embarrassed at things.

My new laptop got delivered yesterday. So, in order to get myself used to the new keyboard that is much wider than the one I was using I have decided to tell a very detailed story on here about a few very small events. 

This is going to be a recollection of my past encounters with 5sos. And I do not recommend that anybody reads it because it is going to be incredibly detailed so that I am able to look back on those days. 

The first time I ever met 5sos was back in 2017 when they played at the Pentaport Rock Festival that was held in Songdo. They played a 50 minute set that started at six on the last day of the festival which was August 13th and it was a Sunday. 5sos landed in Korea on Friday though, and I went to see them at the airport. 

I was really really so fucking nervous to see them for the first time and I wasn’t even completely sure if I had the right flight info so things were kinda crazy. I remember that day bcuz my friends and I went to the movie theater to watch the 2017 version of Beauty and the Beast and we also took pictures in the mall’s photo booth that day. We were originally going to have dinner together too but I saw that luke had posted a story of him in what looked like an airplane so i apologized to my friends and I headed home so that I could make my way to the airport. I used the LAX and Incheon airport website to figure out what flight they were on and then started to get ready.I hadn’t written my letters in advance even though I had already bought their gifts so I wrote down a few lines for each member with shaking hands. I also wrote a longer letter that was addressed to the band as a whole where I wrote down a bunch of things that I really liked to do in Seoul should they get the chance. I don’t remember the specifics of what I wrote though, I wish I took pictures of what I said to them. I remember the flight was supposed to arrive around 9:40 pm that night so I left my house at around 7:30 pm. That was probably one of my first times ever skipping a meal because I did not have dinner that day. For their gifts I got Luke a set of temporary tattoos bc he didnt have any at the time and I thought it would be funny. I got Michael a mask that said 접근금지 which is basically do not approach bc I knew he was antisocial like me and maybe he could make use of it. I got Ashton a bandanna, which I knew he hadn’t worn since 2014 but in the summer of 2017 bandannas were a really big fad in South Korean fashion and I thought it was a really funny coincidence. And finally for Calum I got matching towels for him and Duke. I remember when they stepped out into the airport I couldn’t breathe. Like, I was quite literally shaking and I couldn’t even scream. I love all four of them but I knew who’s lane I was in so I made a beeline for Calum. I tried to wait patiently but honestly I was about to start hyperventilating and people were pushing me so I just made my way up to him and asked him to sign my iPod touch which was what I carried around with me at the time because I wasnt allowed to have a smartphone until I graduated high school. Honestly I wasn’t even able to say anything because I was so nervous I just handed him the iPod and the pen and he knew what to do. Either way he signed it for me and my hands were shaking the entire time I couldn’t believe it. It is still one of my most prized posessions. I handed him my gifts that I had put into this blue ryan (the lion) shopping bag and went “this is for you” honestly i was shaking so hard and looking back I am impressed that I was even able to get out those words. He looked at the gifts and then back at me and went 

“For me? Aww, thank you”

let me tell you I nearly fucking died. He said aww to me. CALUM HOOD. SAID AWW. TO ME. fuck. And then I forgot how to talk and somebody else butted in and pushed me out of the way so I didnt get to ask him for a picture. Once I regained my senses I somehow made my way back and got a selfie with him. I later put that photo into my portion of my school’s yearbook when I graduated so that everybody in our school was forced to have a copy. While we were taking the photo my right should slightly touched him and let me tell you that felt really weird. Not to be pervy, it was just something that happened. But then they had to leave and I followed them out to their van and waved until the van was out of sight. I took the subway home that day just like how I got to the airport. I was shaking during both rides out of either anticipation or disbelieve, the difference is that on the way home I cried a little bit. 

Two days later was the day of the festival. I am going to try to keep the other details shorter but I left really earlier. I was alone that day bc I decided I would rather not show others what I looked like during their performance. I left my house and I got to the festival grounds around nine, they started letting people in at ten. I immediately ran to the main stage where they would be performing later and six so that I could wait while holding onto the fence (of course I positioned myself so that I was right in front of where Calum would be standing). We had to wait in line again because we weren’t allowed in until twelve. That day I was wearing my waste the night shirt which is still one of my favorite pieces of merch with a pair of pink shorts. I starved the entire day that day and I also made sure not to drink anything so that I wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom. I instead took 에이스 which is a type of really high calorie cracker so that I wouldn’t pass out. I also took 박카스 (a small version of energy drink) so that I could take one right before the performance to enjoy the show to the full extent. Around one o’clock bands started to play and I cheered them on with the rest of the crowd because honestly they weren’t bad and I do enjoy music festivals as a whole. But I made sure not to jump around to save up my energy. After a few bands had played, I would say around 3ish maybe the staff were getting the stage ready for the next performers and I was sitting with my back against the fence when somebody tapped my shoulder. 

When I turned around there was this lady and her friend who looked to be in their early twenties (I was seventeen at the time) and she asked me if I liked 5sos, I bet she could tell from my shirt. I told her I loved them and she said she thinks that some guy who was watching the stage from afar was Ashton, as in the drummer and that I should go and say hi. Honestly, this is one of the things that I regret most in my life, I was so surprised I forgot to thank her. I just said “really?” and then grabbed my selfie stick with my ipod attached and I ran off. Thinking back that was so rude of me this woman literally went out of her way to help me and I just ran on her. Ugh, I still think about this sometimes.

Anyways so there I was running and he was looking at the crowd waiting in front of the stage. I would say he was at about a 4? 5ish o’clock angle from the stage. When I approached him I saw that it really was Ashton and he had a body guard next to him, it wasn’t dave. The guard seemed to get wary as I approached but Ashton stepped up first and said hello to me. I am literally about to cry just remembering. I was so fucking nervous. He was wearing the white and black checkered shirt he wore on stage that day. He didn’t have his sunglasses on. Back to what happened, shit i’m shaking rn just remembering fuck. He smiled and said hello to me in a really friendly, approachable way. I was timid as fuck and so nervous so I whispered hi back. He laughed and said hi again and myself being the dumbass I am I said hi again too. This back and forth exchange of hi’s happened about four or five times, each time with ashton smiling bigger than the last and me getting closer and closer to tears just because I was so overwhelmed. Finally he busted out laughing and said “you are so adorable”

ashton. ashton irwin. ashton called me adorable. fuck. I think it was around this point that I forgot how to breathe. I spat out how much I love the band and their music. I was totally blubbering and making a mess out of myself. I was approaching tears at that moment but they hadn’t fallen yet and it was at this point that as he was thanking me and called me adorable a second time (!!) (he said something like “you are too adorable” ohmyfuckinggod), ashton went in for a hug. Whether it would have been a side hug or a full hug I will never know because I was too nervous and overwhelmed to notice. I only realized that he was going to hug me after we had parted ways. I still kick myself to this day. I should have let him hug me fuck. either way he opened up his right arm for me to step in but I didn’t move BECAUSE I DIDNT NOTICE. COME ON BITCH UGH FUCK. either way he just smiled, laughed and thanked me. I honestly wasn’t in my right mind. I told him that I went to see them at the airport but I knew he wouldn’t remember me so I just kept talking. The next thing I said to him was so fucking... ugh. I literally went “Michael is soo hot. Like, I knew he was hot but when I saw him at the airport I was so surprised because he was so much hotter than I thought he was going to be” fuck.

This is true. Personally I find all four of the boys really attractive but it’s true that people in the fandom even back then would call michael the ugly one. The reason I felt strong enough about this to say to Ashton was because when I went to the airport and saw them all in person for the first time, the other three pretty much looked exactly how I thought they would. They looked the same as when I saw them through the screen. But Michael, honestly he looked so much better in person. I dont know how to say it, but he was just one of those people who the camera never did justice. Everybody else was amazingly hot, just like they are on screen, but Michael honestly looked so much better in person. To be fair, I was shocked, and I felt really bad for him because he gets so much hate online for being “ugly” when that was far from the case.

Back to when I met Ashton. I hadn’t expected this meeting to happen, you know, so I had no idea what to say and the comment about michael being hot literally just flew out of my mouth. I didn’t have time to think okay I was totally put on the spot and I was just, I’m just surprised I didn’t faint. Thankfully, he busted out laughing again, and I got to hear that fucking beautiful laugh. The security guard cracked a smile at that one too. I am honestly still so embarrassed about this ugh what did i do. Either way, Ashton laughed at what I said and then told me he would make sure to tell Michael. It was at this point that I figured I had overstayed my welcome. I hadn’t realized it at first because I was too excited about the opportunity to meet him but I felt like I was taking up too much of his time. He probably just wanted to get a look at the stage and here I was, a crazy fan barely breathing, probably red in the face telling him how much I love him and how hot I thought his band member is. Fuck, it’s still humiliating to this day. At least he probably won’t remember it. So i’m the only one left with the embarrassing memory. And here I am writing it all down so that I never forget. 

I quickly asked him if he could tell Calum that I love him. He didn’t hear me at first and said “huh?” I repeated myself and he said he would. And I know that that was incredibly cringey of me but fuck it I said what I said. It was true and it is still true. Honestly, if I ran into Ashton in the streets tomorrow, I would still ask him to tell Calum that I love him because that is just how true that statement is. I then told him that I would be going. I remember mumbling something like “I don’t want to bother you” At this point I still couldn’t properly breathe. He said something along the lines of “oh no, you’re not bothering me” but I knew better and said “no, it’s okay.” And that’s how the interaction ended. I told him I hoped he had a good time in South Korea and I walked back to the stage where I had placed my bag to save my spot. I looked back a couple of times while I was walking and he waved, which I of course had to wave back to. Once I got to my spot I spent a few minutes trying to breathe. When I looked back to where he was he and the body guard were gone. 

A few things about this interaction. First, something I feel absolutely horrible about is that I never told him that I love him. I know it probably doesn’t matter because he’s Ashton Irwin and I’m just a fan but still. I told him how much I love his band and their music and his bandmates, fuck I even asked him to pass along the message to Calum that I love him yet I didn’t tell him that he is also somebody that I love so, so, so fucking much. I still feel so horrible about this to this day I regret it so much. This is what happens when people who are not good at talking to others are suddenly put into a conversation, they forget everything that they want to say, everything that they mean and that they should say and instead just spit out bullshit like omg ur bandmate is so much better looking in person honestly what the fuck drew. that was honestly unintentionally so rude of me. I FORGOT TO TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM. I FORGOT TO TELL SOMEONE I LOVE WITH ABSOLUTELY MY ENTIRE HEART THAT I LOVE HIM!! honestly what is the matter with me.

The second thing i wanted to add in is the fact that I didn’t get a picture. When I ran towards him it was with my selfie stick and iPod in hand, but I made sure to keep it down in case he didn’t want to take pictures because while we were in a public setting this still wasn’t work time for him and I didn’t want to ask him to take a picture with me if he didn’t want to. And while he didn’t directly say no pictures he had to have noticed my selfie stick but he didn’t say anything that implied he was cool with taking pictures right now so I just didn’t ask. I thought it would be a long shot too but I still took it just in case. I told myself as I was walking up to him that unless he brought it up first I wouldn’t ask for a picture so I am completely fine with what happened. I still think I pretty much intruded on his private time so I didn’t want to force him to do anything. 

I still feel really bad that I didn’t get to thank that amazing nice lady who let me know that Ashton was there. Fuck, I looked around for her afterwards and I think I caught a glimpse of her at some point in the crowd but when I got to where she was she was already gone. I wish I could say thank you even now. Honestly, I must have seemed so rude from her point of view. I just was so overwhelmed and I wasn’t thinking properly and I feel so bad to this day. I don’t remember what she was wearing and if I saw her walking along the street I probably couldn’t recognize her but I still am so sorry and sooo thankful. 

The performance that day was the first time I saw 5sos live. Actually, it was the only time so far but I hope that changes soon and I get to see them again when this whole pandemic is over. It was absolutely amazing. I don’t even know how to put it into words. It was just everything I had ever hoped for and more. I took videos the entire time with the limited equipment that I had. I supplied videos that day to 5sos stan twitter update accounts. It was a good time. I think that performance, the 50-minute set was one of the happiest moments of my life. not joking. 

This ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be. But that’s okay. I’m probably going to be the only one to ever read it anyways and the fact that it’s long means that it’s detailed right? It probably just means that I monologued a shit-ton. The purpose of this blog is for it to be my diary anyways so who cares. 

But still, shit this ended up being pretty long. I guess I’ll have to write about my encounters with 5sos that happened in 2018 and 2019 some other time. Probably after finals, which I am procrastinating from studying for right now. 

Also, I wrote the beginning of this sometime in January I think but it is currently June so yeah that sure says a lot about me I guess. Hopefully, I’ll write again soon bc i sure do have a lot of fucking shit to say.

This has been an entry about the two encounters that I had with 5 seconds of summer back in 2017. I know shit’s pretty bad these days and the fandom is basically on fire constantly but I still wanted to write down the good memories that I have. Hopefully I’ll come back soon to write about the times I saw them in 2018 and 2019. I hope I get to see them this year too, but that’s probably not going to happen. I’ll also come back and add details about these incidents when I remember them later on. I want this to be as detailed as possible so that I can come back and read this again and remember everything. I’m not sick, I just have a bad memory. Better come quick to record what happened the other times I met 5sos before I lose the memories. 

               ( demigirl ) haven’t seen QUINN-VIKTORIA “QUIVI” NIKOLAYEVNA around in a while. the ADELINE RUDOLPH lookalike has been known to be (+) DILIGENT & (+) GENTLE, but SHE can also be (-) INTIMIDATING & (-) STONE-FACED. The 23 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE. I believe they’re living in FIDELIS but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. 

                         okie dokes y’all I’m rly sad my muse for Link n Eden just lightning mcdied but as an apology ( to myself ) I’m bringing perhaps my OLDEST OC to Lockwood !! ( I’ve had Cyrus for three years , Quivi’s existed for five. ) But she’s actually a more fantasy-oriented OC so it was fun modernizing her up for Lockwood !! So more abt my battle princess under the cut. // like to plot after reading the intro

              TWs: Violence, death, emotional abuse, mentions of mental illness ( ocd ), ptsd

BASICS / HISTORY

Most important facts abt Quivi are she’s 6′3, has a six-pack, and can drive. Also bi bc I can’t write straight OCs with my bisexual ass.

OKAY OKAY ALSO RLY IMPORTANT FACT : She’s selectively mute , so Quivi will either be communicating through written words or sign 90% of the time. There’s two reasons for this :

Quivi’s first language is not English ; if you can’t tell already , she’s Russian , and she’s still learning English. She’s more of a visual than auditory person so writing English is easier for her than speaking , and she’s honestly very insecure about it , so she chooses not to speak partially because of that. She learned sign very easily and is more comfortable with it than speaking.

The other reason . . . is bc of her past but I’ll b getting to that. 

So she was adopted. Quivi doesn’t know where her biological parents are from , but as a baby , she was taken in by a Russian businessman named Nikolay Andreyevich and . . . she had the same birthday as his biological child , Lukas. Exactly. Birthday was April 8th 1996 ( tech as of rn Quivi’s 22 but I just put 23 bc it’s easy ) , so even though Quivi and her brother weren’t blood , they were always referred to as twins.

Now their father was a bit of an asshole , to say the least. You know how sometimes parents often pit children against each other ?? Well , you might expect me to say he did that to the kids to try and see who could run the company.

He didn’t !!

No instead he decided which one was going to lead ahead of time and treated the other one like dirt 

So yeah Quivi was the one who was treated like dirt

This was because Lukas was going to be the heir, and Quivi was going to be his bodyguard. So Lukas was spoiled rotten and Quivi was trained extensively and given brutal criticism so she’d come out tough as nails and only focus on being the perfect soldier / bodyguard.

She was taught to keep her emotions inside , never to express herself , and to always be silent. And she’d be verbally berated and chastised if she failed to comply with either - she had to be a stealthy , emotionless machine. And . . . yeah. That’s the second reason for her selective mutism. 

So yeah , that was her life up until she turned eighteen. Because at that age, their father died, and now it was just her and Lukas.

And he treated her exactly like their father did. He was a spoiled brat and believed Quivi was there to simply act as his bodyguard. And yeah , she obeyed him. But Lukas didn’t have his heart set on being a businessman , no - he wanted to be famous. And he ended up climbing his way to become an Instagram influencer and even bought his way into getting a record deal so he could put out bad Youtuber music.

...Quivi hates his stuff. To this day

Quivi was eventually cast to the side to the point where her brother wouldn’t even acknowledge her as his bodyguard. He acted like she wasn’t even there. And Quivi hated the way he treated other people - when they turned twenty , he got a woman pregnant and never bothered to see her again. And Quivi ended up finding her and helping her take care of the child when she was born.

And that was around the point Quivi decided her brother was a fucking dickhead and stood up to him , cutting him out of her life. And she focused on making a life for herself , and used what she got of their father’s inheritance ( because their mother insisted both twins get something ) and paid to go to Lockwood. 

PERSONALITY / CHARACTER

Quivi is the epitome of someone who looks rly scary and intimidating but oh my god is she not. She’s very gentle , very polite - always uses formalities and puts others before herself. Holds the door for twelve people before going inside herself.

But also , she can fucking fight like there’s no tomorrow. She was trained for years , and she probably knows a few ways to kill a man. Was trained with a few weapons just in case , and definitely is a master of self-defense.

She has OCD and as well PTSD from her childhood. I will very rarely mention this in threads , but it’s important to note. ( I have both , as well. )

She never really had nice / fun things as a kid , so she has a lot of catching up to do. The little things make her so happy , like McFlurries , bad pop music , the cliche Shakespeare stories everyone reads , etc. 

But , again - she was never encouraged to show emotion. So she comes off as very neutral because of this reason - but trust me she feels a whole lot and when she does smile it’s a sight from Heaven.

She’s a sporty person !! She’s into fencing , but that sport’s not offered at Lockwood , so she’s also on the gymastics team. Even has a varsity jacket for it.

Also in Theatre ( the club ) !! Not as an actress , however. She’s on the set crew. But she wants to be an actress in it someday , or even do some sign translations for the audience.

Tatiana was a stranger to her. But the stranger you know everything and nothing about , because you hear about her all the time from everyone else. So yes , in a curious manner did Quivi pick her name - but you know that feeling you get when you wonder if you were the deciding vote in that shit ?? Quivi wonders that ( obviously , she wasn’t , but she gets that feeling every time someone brings up Tatiana and the Watershed )

God I love her she’s my gentle giant bby and again I’ve had her for . . . five years n tbh like Cyrus a good portion of her character was originally made to Vent my own stuff out so. She means a lot 2 me.

Hope y’all love her.

WANTED PLOTS / CONNECTIONS

sb in Theatre who wants to get Quivi onto the stage tbh that was the First thing I thought of 

sb who Quivi can teach Russian or ASL !! Also others who know ASL would b great bc that’s Quivi’s preferred method of communication

Someone who Quivi can trust with actually talking to ?? They’d have to be really close , though , because Quivi only speaks to the people that she trusts

A nerd who Quivi befriends and just. Listens to them talk about the stuff they’re interested in. Bc honestly learning and listening is what she likes to do - not like Ami who fuckin CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP with the studying but. Quivi’s literally been deprived of so much. She likes to learn what she doesn’t know.

Sb who sorta thinks Quivi is all SUPER FUCKIN SCARY AND PROBABLY A BITCH bc of the RBF but when they actually meet her,,, they think she’s so sweet

Lowkey a fuckboi or sb who could flirt w/ her n she just. Turns em down. Stone-faced. Might kick them and make ‘em fall or smth idk Quivi’s that person who tells u to go chop a guy’s dick off when he says one rude thing 2 u

Literally okay in my personal headworld / lores it’s a part of Quivi’s culture to settle things like minor disagreements with a duel to the death and it was a running gag on earth that Quivi would see ppl get in2 like. Twitter fights. N comment “challenge them to a duel to the death” n everyone else was like QUIVI NO

she’s... kinda like Diana. like, Wonder Woman Diana.

I call her Wonder Woman a lot

Bt this is Watershed so it’s very different from that!! Lowkey tho I’m proud of the world I created for her like I literally made a whole language + alphabet for her world 

Someday Darling (Part Thirty-Three)

One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen | Fourteen | Fifteen | Sixteen | Seventeen | Eighteen | Nineteen | Twenty | Twenty-One | Twenty-Two | Twenty-Three | Twenty-Four | Twenty-Five |  Twenty-Six | Twenty-Seven | Twenty-Eight | Twenty-Nine | Thirty | Thirty-One | Thirty-Two

Summary: Leaving LA to go to New York to spend time with your brother might just be the worst/best decision of your life.

Words: 1569

Student!Sebastian x Reader; Actor!Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: SWEARING; FLUFF; baby stuff!!

A/N: There are only 4 parts left!! The part in italics is Sebastian’s point of view.

Tags: @221bshrlocked@marvelouslyme96@shellymaesworld@titty-teetee@pawallday@chameerah@buckylicious@nerdywitch@teresaolivia20 @guera31 @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn@lancetucker@ssweet-empowerment@ijustreallylovezebras@amandarosemire@zainab2 @jhangelface0523@care-bear-girl@parkerrpeterr@bxxbxy@winter–cearig@beccavesper@mrs-meghan-winchester@amren-tiny-ancient-one  @bxxbxy  @thenameiscricket

I sit in the lazy boy chair in our living room, watching (y/n) sleep on the couch. She's been so tired for the past few weeks with the twins. I try my best to wake up when they cry in the night or beat her to feeding them but she always seems to be one step ahead of me. It's almost like she's continuously listening for one of them to stir. I smile to myself as I soak in her beauty. She is not only beautiful on the outside but her soul, god, her soul is the best part about her. She is loving, caring, generous, a light of joy in every situation. She has been through so much in the past year that most people couldn't even handle. Starting off with dating a celeb. I've read things about fans or normal people dating celebs and it never turns out good, either they get caught up in the wrong scene or the job gets in the way of their relationship. To be able to stick with Chris as long as she did was a miracle. 

My mind flashes to the first time I met her; so innocent and vibrant. Running around the apartment as if my eyes weren't following her every movement, something about her caught my eye. I haven't been able to pinpoint it until now, and I realized that it's her whole being. There is not one part of her I can say I love more or less. I love her as a whole, as a human, as the mother of my children. I chuckle, whispering a tiny prayer to whoever is in the sky that they grow up to be like their mother. Someone, or whoever, they got to know that (y/n) is such a beautiful human and she makes me want to be a better person, a better man, someone that my son can look up to and say they are proud of who I am and the choices I've made. I want my daughter to look at her mother and love just overflow for her, to be proud to call her mom, for her friends to want to spend the night, just to see how amazing a parent she is. 

At first, the pregnancy thing had really freaked me out. I certainly didn't mean to get her pregnant and I sure as hell didn't plan on having twins but the minute she accepted the future, I was ready, set, go on this thing. I realized that maybe this was a good thing, I mean, I was a 29 years old, single male, still in school for, fuck, so long and then she awkwardly walked into my life, so vulnerable, so innocent. I never planned on falling for her, I understood that she was in a serious relationship, but when I found out how Chris had treated her, all I wanted to do was hold her, let her know that I would never do that. When we first kissed in the kitchen, it was like lightning hit my lips, jarring my entire body. I've kissed plenty of women, and I've had plenty of relationship but nothing like that had ever happened before. That's how I knew I was in love with her, from the moment that we kissed, I knew, that I would spend the rest of my life with her. I want to marry (y/n) so badly, but I'm nervous that her parents won't approve or that I'll have trouble from Chris. I brought it up once in the hospital after the kids were born and he nodded, letting me know that it was the right thing to do, to marry her, help raise the children. But, I couldn't help but sense something in his voice; jealousy? Anger? Desire? Lost?

I awoke from my nap on the couch, finding Sebastian nowhere to be found. I stood quickly, running to check the kids. We had bought a second crib for Arabella, making their bedroom so small but Sebastian still was able to curl up on the floor, asleep between the two of them, waiting for them to stir. He has been so helpful these past few weeks, I'm really just running on a few hours of sleep a night and 15 cups of coffee a day. I always knew to have one kid was going to be difficult but two? Add twice the crying, twice the diapers, twice the food, twice the patience needed, then cut in half the amount of sleep you need to function. My parents had stayed the first two weeks but just left a few days ago. My mother, of course, wanted to stick around until the kids were 5 but my father insisted that Sebastian and I were fine on our own, which is true. But, the extra set of bodies was a big help.

I curled on the floor next to Sebastian, sliding underneath his arm. He smiled, eyes still closed. "Hi, mommy."

I kissed his nose, "Hi daddy."

One eye flicked open, "You've used that before but not because we had kids together."

My face flushed and I kissed his lips, deep, full of desire and passion. But then fatigue hit me and the mood left as fast as it came. I sighed and shook my head. "Seb, I'm sorry. I've just been so tired that I don't feel up to anything yet, and I know you're going through withdrawals."

He laughed out loud, then slapped his hand over his mouth, peeking to see if the babies stirred. "Sweetheart, I know you're tired, believe me, I'm tired too and yes it would be very nice to get some action now and then, but the twins are 4 weeks old, they are going to need every bit of our attention for the next little while." He kissed my nose then slammed his eyes shut again.

I curled in closer to his side, head resting on his chest. "I love you."

He kissed my hair, "I love you too, baby."

We laid on the floor, both of us asleep, suddenly shook awake by the screaming of the twins. I jumped to my feet faster than flash and ran to a crib. Parker was crying, face red and wet from tears. Seb was on his feet now, holding Arabella in his arms, rocking back and forth. He bounced her in this motion, calming her down enough to get her to stop screaming. Parker, on the other hand, is not so easily brought down. He very rarely calms down for me but I insist on trying anyway. I bounce, rock, coo soft nothings into his ear but nothing seems to be working. Seb lays Ara back in her crib, taking Parker from my arms, his cries stifling immediately.

I shook my head, "Fuck you."

Seb giggled and laid Parker in his crib, now asleep. "Sorry that he already picked a favorite parent." He winked and kissed my cheek. "How amazing is it that we were so lucky to not just have one little blessing but two?"

I shrugged, "I already love this two more than anything in my life, but come on, one would've been just fine."

He laughed again and dragged me out of the room, shutting the door slightly, leaving a crack. We made our way down the hallway and dropped down on the couch. I sighed from exhaustion, Seb sighed with glee. "Hey."

"Hmm?" My eyes were shut, Seb lacing his fingers through my hair.

"What do you feel about ..." He cut himself short, maybe changing his mind.

"Feel what? Marriage?"

He cocked a brow, "How did you know I was going to say that?"

I shrugged one shoulder, fighting sleep. "I heard you mention it to Chris in the hospital but you never brought it up with me so I just dropped it."

He sighed, defeated. "Fuck."

"Fuck what?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

I swatted the air lazily, "Babe, don't be so stressed about it."

He sat me up, holding my shoulders straight, his blue eyes digging holes in my own. "(y/n), I love you more than anything in this entire world besides those two adorable fucking kids in the other room and I never want to live a day without you. When you walked into this apartment that day, I knew the moment I saw you that you were different; different from New York, different from other women. But when I kissed you in the kitchen, it sent literal shivers down my spine, like I had been struck by lightning. That has never, I mean, never happened to me before. And at that moment, I knew I wanted to spend my life with you. You were still with Chris at the time and I wanted to step away, let you be with him, but the thought of you kissing him, touching him, making love; it all just made me so sick. The thought of you being with another man, the thought of you not being with me, it made me want you fifty times more." He brushed a tear from my cheek. "I love you so much, and I want to call you my wife. (y/n), would you- would you, marry me?"

I sat there, tears streaming down my face. I smiled wide, "Sebastian," My smile faded, "No."

flower crown fairy lights daisies 1975 matte black nail polish pantone moodboard stars plants converse lace handwriting cactus sunrise oil paints overalls combat boots winged eyeliner pastel tattoos piercings bands messy bun cry baby grunge space white bed sheets old books beaches eyes 11:11 painting lightning thunder storms love clouds coffee marble

T H E N E V E R E N D I N G A S K (I wasn’t ignoring you, I’m gonna be honest, I forgot this was sitting in my drafts waiting to be completed aaaaa)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? - A few minutes ago. I left my iPod in my co-worker’s car so I kinda have nothing better to do. All my favorite apps are on there.

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? - Are alternate universes real and is there one where I am content and happy? (sorry to get depressing there bud but life just ain’t what I want it to be rn)

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? - I haven’t experienced enough things to  really say I’ve accomplished anything. I guess getting a job and keeping it for as long as I have? Six months and counting.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? - Seeing a gif of a kitten walking over to a camera man and then proceeding to nap on him and walk all over his shoulders and sit on his head while he had to hold almost completely still.

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? - This question as me depressed and low key anxious I don’t think I can answer it without crying sorry

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? - Not really. I try to avoid really confronting my own mortality. Thinking about dying both scares and tempts me and it’s really weird and terrifying and no bueno. Gosh my answers seem so depressing I’m sorry bab aaAAAA

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. - I’m too lazy to describe anyone again but um my brother c’: Again. Heckie

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? - I suppose. I mean it definitely could have been better, but it’s not really on “tragic backstory” level so I guess yeah. I dunno how to answer this, in all honesty.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? - Earlier tonight

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. - My friend Antonio. He’s weird but he loves space and it’s nice to hear how excited he gets talking about the stars and planets because he’s super passionate about it. I just like when my friends are happy ya know? So I know stargazing with my space buddy would be fun.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? - Honestly I have before. I don’t mean for it to, but sometimes the conversations just take that direction. I’m a big oversharer.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? - fam I’m always up at 3am wym I stay talkin to ppl at 3am (for the record it’s usually my mom and/or brother)

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? - Again, I can’t answer this without crying I’m sorry.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? - I have them and I love them why is this up for discussion why is this a question is there brown eye discourse???

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. - “I don’t care what you think, as long as it’s about me.” …….. I really like attention. More seriously though, I like knowing that I’m real to other people. I know it sounds weird but sometimes I just like being reminded that I actually exist in other people’s lives and that I’m a real person???? Idk how to describe it but yeah. That line makes me think about that aspect of myself a lot.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? - “Still Figuring It Out”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? - cry because I can finally get my family out of our rough situation, spoil my mom and brother rotten, buy lots of pretty makeup, travel the world, and still have enough left over to live comfortably for the rest of my life without ever having to work again unless I want to to have something to do.

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? - I am. Sometimes too much for my own good. Sometimes I like it just cause it can help settle conflicts quicker and sometimes I don’t because not only do I let toxic people back into my life but it causes me to miss them and desperately want them back because I convince myself “it’s in the past, it wasn’t that bad, and they’ve probably changed so I should let it go”.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. - Dear Mikii,

First of all what a weird nick-name you dork. I’m Gabby. I’m still just as much of a dork so don’t feel bad. You’re going through a weird phase in your life right now. You’re confused and probably questioning who you are. That’s not really going to stop, but it gets better. It gets easier to deal with. Eventually you’ll work for your favorite pizza place and, while it’s stressful, you’ll make cool friends and you’ll make money, and nobody will be able to tell you what you can and can’t buy. It’ll be awesome. You got this

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? - I guess I lean closer to the punk side. It’s kind of funny because I have the soft cute personality that you’d think would fit on a pastel type person and honestly that’s my aesthetic but style wise, I usually go for darker colors and stuff. My brother is the polar opposite. Punk personality and pastel style.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. - Yes. Body art is yes. I love it and I want it. If you have tattoos and/or piercings I am 75% more likely to get some kind of crush on you.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? - yes, because I like it and it’s pretty.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. - I dunno if this counts much, I had to think long and hard on this one, but Crossfire by Stephen makes me think a lot about current events and police brutality and the bombings in other countries and just a bunch of sad stuff that’s going on now which I know is the point but it makes me really think about the privilege I do have compared to those who face discrimination and oppression far more harshly than I ever will and I just heckin

heck

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. - “Prince didn’t die for this.”

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. - I’ve only ever been to one and it was a local band so

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? - Idk man probably my dad. Not gonna go in depth but I’ll say this. I’d want a large sum of money included and a 5 page long apology letter.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? - nope nothing is organized and I dont have a workspace

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? - stay up til I physically cannot hold my eyes open anymore then fall asleep

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? - that I’m not Christian and that I have a um…. device. Of some sort.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? - Keep it red / make it redder, probably some kind of undercut or side shave

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? - 1. Alin2. Mikey3. Kaylee4. Dom5. Rose

I’d take these nerds with me as I travel the globe and try new experiences, shop cool unique things, and just live my dream life with. I’d go to the ends of the earth with these precious babies.

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. - (1) Wealth. I want to pay off my mother’s college debt, buy her a nice place to stay as well as somewhere for myself, buy my brother anything his little heart desires, donate to fundraisers and charities, live my dream life, etc. (2) Clear skin. I’m pretty confident in my body shape and all, but I can’t stand my skin. Especially everywhere that isn’t my face. My shoulders have it the worst. (3) Someone willing to date me who doesn’t live thousands of miles away would be lovely. I mean I can do long distance but I just crave physical affection ya know? I dunno man I’m just lonely.

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. - Well, last year I was a dead cowgirl. I used my day of the dead makeup and wore a flannel, jeans, boots, and a cowboy hat that I got from party city. Relatively simple, but it was still fun to see little kids’ reactions and everything at work.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? - this implies I’ve gotten drunk or high before (I’ve been kind of tipsy before but otherwise I’m fucking lame and I don’t do that stuff)

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? - kill somebody (there are a few exceptions but in general ya know?)

storms: you can only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? - both of these would drive me literally insane let’s not and say we did

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love. - I think I have. I don't know. To me it's realizing the things I'd be willing to do for that person. Just wanting to make them happy. Wanting to spoil them, see them smile, hear their stupid jokes even if they aren't funny, see all the ugly or silly faces they make, and just loving everything about them. Overcoming my biggest insecurities and discomforts for them. Realizing that there are certain things I can only see myself doing with them. When I read those couple posts I think of them, even though it's been over a year since we've been together. Hearing a certain song or artist is tainted by thoughts of them, when nothing would come to mind before I got to know them. Filling spots in my mind and heart that for years had been left vacant. Realizing that despite how much they've hurt me, I'd gladly take them back if they asked. Feeling like it was the right love at the wrong time, even though it probably wasn't the right love at all. Falling in love to me is having them lurking around every corner of my mind, the darkest shadows, the deepest trenches, even when I'm not thinking of them, they're always there. Even when I'm not thinking about them, I somehow am. I don't know if this is love or obsession, admittedly. Maybe I just need help lol

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? - I’d rock both and look sexy while doing it

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? - I don’t go to starbucks enough to really say

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? - my family and getting us out of the tough situation we’re in right now

HAMLET (PART 1)

pairing: daveed x reader

warnings: swearing ?? honestly idk also it’s written like text format ig??

words: 1153

summary: “Good luck with Hamlet, Daveed.” Daveed texts the wrong number and for some reason, he keeps texting.

notes: this kinda fics are a Thing in AO3 so i was like,, let’s do it fuckers anyway here’s the mess i created also its literally 2 am will i ever go to sleep at a decent time

request

bold is reader

italics is daveed

regular is rafa

THURSDAY

(9:03) Fuck I want to audition for Hamilton

(9:03) I don’t know if I should do it tho

(9:04) Help

(9:25) Go for it I guess

(9:25) But I don’t know who you are why are u asking me this

(9:27) Rafa??? its literally your best friend?? Daveed???

(9:31) Not Rafa bud I’m sorry to burst ur bubble

(9:32) Good luck with Hamlet or whatever tho

(9:38) Sorry, new phone. I must’ve written Rafa’s number wrong

(9:39) Did,,, did you just call it Hamlet

(9:39) I can’t believe this

(9:50) Idk what Hamilton or Hamlet or whatever is, Daveed

(9:54) It’s like a musical

(9:54) About Alexander Hamilton

(10:00) ….

(10:00) A musical about one of America’s found fathers?

(10:02) Yes! It sounds fun and I wanna try

(10:08) Jesus Christ who wrote it

(10:15) This friend of mine… Lin Manuel Miranda

(10:26) I think he wrote In the Heights

(10:26) That’s cool

(10:30) Yes he did in fact write that

(10:36) Is it going to be on Broadway?

(10:40) Hopefully! I want to audition for the off-Broadway version rn

(10:40) Wanna see it? ;)

(10:49) Delete that winky face

(10:50) Also he wrote In the Heights

(10:50) So this new Hamlet musical must be great

(10:55) Hamilton***

(10:55) God I’m sure it’s gonna be great

(10:55) It has hip-hop and rapping and everything

(10:57) Good luck with Hamlet, Daveed

 (12:34) I’ve been trying to figure your number out for like five hours

(12:35) I literally gave it to you???

(12:35) YES but your handwriting is literally like hieroglyphics or some shit

(12:36) ANYWAYS THING IS what if I audition for Hamilton?

(12:40) That musical you told me about?

(12:43) YES THAT ONE

(12:44) I’d say go for it, bro

 (16:34) I decided I’m going to do it

(16:36) Wrong number again

(16:37) Oh no I’m just updating you. I talked to Rafael and he told me I should do it

(16:40) Huh, you got his number right this time?

(16:40) Also, do what?

(16:42) Hamilton!! And yes, it took me around an hour, but it’s not my fault he can’t write

(16:44) Ah, Hamlet

(16:44) Good for you, I guess

(16:47) Why do you keep calling it Hamlet

(16:48) Who hurt you

(16:54) Why do you keep texting me, Daveed

(16:59) If you don’t want me to text you, why do you keep answering? It’s not my fault you want to talk to me but won’t admit it

(17:03) You want me to stop answering?

(17:03) That’s perfectly fine with me

(17:10) I’m

(17:10) I was kidding

(17:15) Oh now you’re living me on read?

(17:16) Fine.

 FRIDAY

(3:10) So are you going to answer ever again

(3:10) Because honestly you seem cool

(3:11) Are you even awake

(3:13) What even is your name

(3:14) I’m calling you Hamlet

(3:15) Because you WON’T stop fucking calling Hamilton that

(3:16) What the fuck ???

(3:16) It’s three in the fucking morning ???

(3:16) What the fuck are you doing

(3:17) Why do I feel like you don’t like me texting you

(3:18) ITS THREE A FUCKING M

(3:20) U sound mad

(3:20) Technically it’s seem not sound because I can’t hear you but

(3:20) You know

(3:22) Go to sleep, Daveed

(3:23) HA so you remember my name

(3:24) It’s not that hard to scroll up

(3:26) I feel the love

(3:29) Good night, Daveed

(3:29) Good night Hamlet!!

(3:30) Don’t call me that

(3:32) Right

 SUNDAY

(7:21) GOOD MORNING

(7:23) Blocked

(7:23) Reported

(7:23) Why are you up?

(7:25) One, please don’t block me. Two, I have work!!!

(7:30) Nice. Want to hear a fun fact? I don’t.

(7:30) Why are you texting me at 7:30?

(7:35) Because I am exited!!! I’m auditioning for Hamilton today

(7:37) Sorry, I meant Hamlet** ;)

(7:40) Are you making fun of me

(7:40) Whatever, I’m going to make pancakes.

(7:40) Good luck with Hamlet, Daveed

(7:42) Is that your go-to phrase

(7:45) It is now

 (14:29) Fuck I’m about to do it??? Audition, I mean

(14:30) Oh my God. Where are you??? I need moral support

(14:35) Alright fuck I’m going to do it literally in five seconds pLEASE wish me luck

(15:01) OK I don’t know where you are

(15:01) But I did it and I think I’m having a stroke

(16:45) Oh shit sorry I was at my friend’s house

(16:45) How did it go?

(16:47) I don’t know??? They told me they would call

(16:48) This is my first time doing anything musical theatre-like and I’m so nervous

(16:49) Like, was it good enough? I mean, I don’t know? I’ve been having a breakdown for the past hour

(16:50) I bet it was great

(16:50) I hope you get the part, Daveed

(16:52) I hope I get it too

(17:00) You will

 (21:10) Do you think I can do a decent French accent?

(21:19) I don’t want to be mean or anything, but why do you keep texting me?

(21:19) Also, where is that question coming from?

(21:23) Does it bother you? That I keep texting you, I mean. Also, I just realized I auditioned to play Marquis the Lafayette, and he’s French. If I get cast I’m going to have to do an accent even when I sing!

(21:30) I think you could definitely do it, Daveed. And it doesn’t bother me, I’m just asking. I don’t really know who you are.

(21:42) Alright so my name is Daveed. I’m from New York and I’m really cool, obviously

(21:50) If you feel the need of saying you’re cool, you’re definitely not cool

(21:50) Also, you’re from NYC? Huh, me too

(22:07) Shut up, I am cool.

(22:15) Sure, Jan

(22:19) Did you just sure jan me

(22:20) I think that’s what I did, yes

(22:28) I can’t believe I just got memed

(22:32) I can’t believe you just said memed! What does that even mean?

(22:35) When someone uses a meme on you??? You know, memed

(22:48) Jesus Christ are you a twelve year old

(22:48) You’re twelve and you auditioned for a musical?

(22:57) I am NOT twelve years old

(22:58) Are you?

(23:04) I’m not, Daveed. Stop stealing what I say

(23:10) Nah

(23:10) I guess I’m going to start saying “Good luck with Hamlet, Daveed” too

(23:13) I’m copyrighting that

(23:16) Good luck with that!

WEDNESDAY

(18:38) IM ANNOYING I KNOW BUT AHHHHH

(18:40) Um…

(18:40) Ok I should explain that

(18:42) You shoud, Daveed

(18:45) I GOT A CALL TODAY AND

(18:46) GUESS WHAT

(18:48) I’m going to say you got the part just because you seem pretty excited

(18:52) I AM EXCITED

(18:52) I GOT THE PART

(18:56) That’s great!

(18:57) We start rehearsals soon

(18:59) You got cast already, but I’m going to say it anyways because it’s kind of a tradition now

(19:00) Good luck with Hamlet, Daveed

(19:01) Thank you. Really

.

Tagged by @angelofmysteries Thanks for the tag!

RULES: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.

🌸 LAST…

Drink: Cherry Coke because it’s one of the faves Last phone call: @donutsornonuts because I had to make sure he was awake this morning :p Last text message: My dad ‘cause he had to pick me up from work Last song I listened to : At my job they play shitty little loops of songs over and over, so like. Probably something dumb. Last time I cried: I think I watched a sad thing on Facebook the other day.

🌸 HAVE YOU EVER…

Been cheated on: Yeeeah. That was...messy. Kissed someone and regretted it:  Ohohohoho yes. Been depressed: Right this moment, in fact. Been drunk and thrown up: Ahahahahaha oooh yeah. Only like twice, but boi both times were hell. Kissed a stranger: I’ve kissed MANY people in my life. Some definitely strangers :p Drank hard liquor: That’s the ONLY thing I’ll drink, fam. This right here is a vodka and rum girl. Lost glasses/contacts: Can’t wear contacts, but I defo have lost glasses before. Been arrested: Got REAL close once. I was in Big Trouble™ once and I couldn’t help but laugh at the rude ass cop dealing with me. Turned someone down: Eh, yeah, once or twice. Cried when someone died: I don’t grieve properly. Idfk if it’s some actual problem in my brain or what, but I don’t process things like that in a normal/healthy way.

🌸 IN THE PAST YEAR, HAVE YOU…

Made a new friend: I couldn’t name them all if I tried tbh :D Laughed until you cried: Yup Met someone who changed you: Absofruitly Found out who your true friends were: Yupp Found out someone was talking about you: Just today, actually. Fuck that bitch tbh

🌸 GENERAL:

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life: Four or five, give or take. Do you have any pets: Three kitties, Reaper. Lucifer, and VooDoo :3 Do you want to change your name: Eeeeh, I like it but also I wish I didn’t have something so common. What time did you wake up this morning: EeeeeightAM What were you doing last night: Drew something slightly NSFW for a friend and looked for new music. Name something you cannot wait for: Being stable in life. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Probably? I’ve worked a lot of customer service, so I wouldn’t doubt it. What’s getting on your nerves rn: My lack of motivation and constant rage. Blood type: O Positive. I only know because I got super close to bleeding to death once. Told the guy that saved my life that I wanted to kick him in the face while I was delirious because the stitches were the only thing I could feel and they HURT. Nicknames: I literally go by so many names, I couldn’t list them all. Love being called Robo, though :D Zodiac sign: Libra, boi. Pronouns: She/Her Favourite tv show: G R A V I T Y  F A L L S Hair colour: White, naturally. People used to ask if I was an albino, but really it was because I had boiling milk spilled on my head at like, two. Didn’t have hair until I was about 4 and when it did grow in it was snow white. Got darker as I got older and now I just dye it a lot :p Long or short: Kinda long, I’m growing it out real long tho :D Crushes: Ahahahahahaha Tattoos: Not yet, but I’m planning on a few. Righty or lefty: Mostly right but I can use my left for a lot of things.

🌸 FIRSTS…

First surgery: Tonsils. Sucked real bad on top of morning sickness. First piercing: Ears when I was like, twelve. I have a few more now >:D First best friend: Her name was Stormy (cool name, right??) Haven’t talked to her in years, though. I think she might be married now?? Idk First sport you joined: I THINK it was soccer. I got strong legs, so when I kicked the ball that fucker FLEW. If we’re counting dance as a sport then I was a ballerina for 7 years before that. First vacation: Disneyland when I was 10. It was fun but my family is awful so it had its ups and downs.

🌸 RIGHT NOW…

Eating: Hot Cheetos :D Drinking: Nothin’ I’m about to: Punch a wall because Tumblr is being slow and not letting me type quickly. This has taken me an hour and a half to do, no joke. Listening: Cry Baby - The Neighborhood Want kids: I already got one but maybe another one at some point.

🌸 WHICH IS BETTER?

Lips or eyes: Eyes boi Hugs or kisses: Hugs. Mouths are gross tbh. I’ll still give kisses if I like the person, tho :p Shorter or taller: Taller. Not hard to do with how short I am tho :p Older or younger: Older. I’m at an age where anything younger is too young and immature. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive. I CAN’T handle loud people. Hook up or relationship: Seeing as I’m demisexual, relationship. Troublemaker or hesitant: As long as they’re not a dick, I don’t care.

🌸 DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

Miracles: Yup. Love at first sight: Eh, maybe. Haven’t seen it happen, but maybe someday I will. Heaven: Kinda? Santa Claus: Nope

With how slow this is making me type I CAN’T tag people, so 25ish people should just pretend I tagged them.

☺

munday questions i’m late in answering;;

five things that make you happy

WELL  okay here goes

1.   my family.   i’m not sure if i’ll ever be able to articulate how they do so and do it justice but especially where i’ve spent more time away from them this year than i’ve had to even in the past couple of years,  where going to visit them has become significantly more difficult because of my need to maintain a full time job while going to school in order to also pay rent and loans,  when i am finally able to go home and visit them,  it’s like leaving all of my stress behind in boston tbh.   i love having conversations with my mom and going on errand runs with my mom,  i love talking about video games and the next superhero movies or just generally nerdy shit with my dad,  i love seeing my sisters and having fun with them and catching up with how they’re doing at school and with their extracurriculars and all because they’re so good at what they do.   tbh i’m getting a little emo rn writing this and thinking about how much i miss them on the reg because they’ve had a hand in shaping a lot of who i am and i don’t think i could live not having them in my life still.   it’s a comfort to know that no matter what my future holds i still will always have them in my corner.

2.   music  !!!   i cannot tell y’all enough how much being able to rehearse with a symphonic band once per week really provides me with an escape.   making music is really a magical thing and being able to make it with other talented people and share it with loved ones is something special.   even after the longest days,  the commute to rehearsal is always worth it.   i can leave my baggage at the door,  sit down,  and play.   

3.   i’m about to cheat here a little i think but  @kaidani  @rollingsnowsmasher  @adastraed  @scardefined  @@savageorchids  i think you’ve heard this a Lot from me and i probably sounds like a broken record at this point but seriously i love you all so much and consider it such a Blessing to have met you guys.   you’ve been there for me thru some Shit even the shit i don’t rly talk about lmao but you’ve all been so Good to me and talking with you guys about literally anything under the sun makes me so happy you guys are so talented and wonderful and beautiful people and you make my days that much brighter.   i want to also add my beautiful best friend and my charming roommate but i’m not going to @ their personals.   i hope they know tho how much having them in my life means to me.

4.   doggos.   i feel like this one’s like …  lowkey obvious lmfao.   it’s an honest to god given but man i’ve had terrible days at work and there’s been times when a dog will come in and being able to view said dog makes me happy but lord if i’m allowed to pet the dog it makes everything worth it.

5.   no list of things that make me happy is ever complete without me mentioning my love for video games.   like i’d hope they make me happy if that’s the career path i want to walk down but lmao you know.   i haven’t been able to play a whole hell of a lot because i’ve been too exhausted and too lacking in motivation to do much of anything in the past month or two but i’ll always maintain a love and appreciation for video games and their capability to provide an escape as well for me.   i love getting lost in the narrative most of all and i also have video games to thank for me meeting so many amazing people from as far back in my life as when i was twelve years old.   these experiences have also played a large part in shaping who i am today and honestly i’ll never forget that.

hi let me answer 400 fucking questions

1. Name: Jace 2. Nickname(s): i dont have any 3. Birthday: June 1 4. That makes you (age): im almost 15 5. Where were you born (city): Vancouver 6. Location right now (planet ): in my house 7. Shoe size: uh like 8 womens 8. How many piercings?: two, almost pierced my septum 9. Tattoos?: no 10. When you wake up you're: tired and sad 11. When you're about to sleep you're: tired and sad 12. Zodiac sign: gemini 13. Chinese sign: monkey i think 14. Righty or Lefty: righty 15. Innie or Outie: innie 16. School: no Section Two: Looks 17. Nationality: im really white 18. Hair colour: like dirty blonde 20. Weight: idk like 140lbs 21. Height: 5′10 i think 22. Braces? no 23. Glasses? no Section Three: Private Life 24. Do you have a boy/girlfriend?: yeah 25. If so, who?: uh someone who was not interested in me at all for 7 months  26. If not, do you have a crush on someone?: i mean 27. Who has a crush on you?: i mean  28. Ever cheated on your bf/gf?: no that shit is disgusting dont talk to me if you do that  29. Who was your first kiss: someone that i no longer talk to. dont regret it being them though 30. Who was your last kiss: my bf  31. Are you a virgin?: uh  32. Ever had a threesome before?: no  33. NQ- Every been swarmed by ladybugs?: no whattheufkc 34. Have you ever been in love?: yes  35. Broken any hearts?: most likely  36. Got your heart broken?: well i broke up with someone idk if that counts as having my heart broken but i was devastated but i had to do it sooo idk   37. Ever liked a friend? yes ive only really liked 2 people and theyve been my friends because i cant trust people 38. What happened? they have liked me back at some point Section Four: Past Relationships 39. How many relationships have you been in?: two 40. How many were serious enough to count: two? 41. Who were those serious ones: first kiss, my bf 42. NQ- Who used to be your best friend: uhhhhh ig first kiss 43. What made them different: i really liked their personality and the way they presented/ i was head over heels for them for like idk 3 years 44. What happened: i wasnt mature enough to handle myself 45. Best boy/girlfriend: my fucking GIRLS taylor and claire 46. Worst boy/girlfriend: someone i recently cut off contact with  47. Ever been kissed: yes 48. Who do you want back: uhgdjgkjdfhgkjd goodbye 49. Who do you regret: no one, i think all experiences are good and if i regret someone i would hace never gotten those Experience Points 50. Why?: n/a Section Five: Favourites 51. Song: shit uhhhh like or like like by miniature tigers?? or falling for you by mxmtoom and peachy?? or cherub rock by the smashing pumpkins idk my taste is wack 52. Movie: as you are but i shared it with the person i recently cut off contact with so uh 53. Food: bro. pickles. i even drink the pickle juice when im done with the pickles. 54. Drink: orange crush man 55. Store: shopping stresses me out 56. Television show: uh black mirror? 57. Holiday: hallo fucking ween 58. Book: words on bathroom walls i think 59. Ice cream: cookie dough 60. Sweets: m&m’s 61. Crisps:  wjat 62. Type of music: i listen to a lot? i listen to electronic, indie, alternative, rock, those sad boy hour songs really whatever i have like three different playlists for my tastes 63. Artist: really into teen suicide rn 64. Word: uh 65. Time of day: 1 am outside watching the stars 66. Dressing: like. salad dressing or clothes 67. Alcoholic drink:  i dont drink anymore tryna stay away from that so i dont revert 68. Colour(s): i love blue 69. Piece of clothing: my fidlar hoodie that concert was wild i got punched in the head 70. Character: DELSIN ROWE  71. Smell: campfire 72. Shampoo: idk i use whatever is in the shower 73. Soap: i use whatever 74. Smiley:  idk 75. Board game: definitely monopoly i live out the fantasy of being rich 76. Sport: i dont care 77. Number: i still dont care 78. Quote: idk  79. Animal: still a wolf shut up meanies >::((((( 80. Actor: idc 82. Vegetable: broccoli ofc 83. Fruit: oranges  84. Place to be: on the hill 85. Thing in your room: my guitar and my ukulele my fuckibng babies dont touch them 86. Gum: uh 87. Shape: uh> 88. Country: uh? 89. Mall: i hate malls 90. Car: idc wow im boring 91. Boy's name: br idk  92. Girl's name: idk 93. Family member: my sister sh 94. Restaurant: pepper lunch is kind of the shit 95. Movie place: we literally only have one movie theatre 96. Person to go to the movies with: my friends 97. Noise: idk 98. Brand of shoe: vans theyre comfy 99. Brand of clothing: idk 100. Body part of a chicken: the gobble part the fuck is that called 101. Swear word: uh? fuck? 102. Month: october 103. Possession: ukulele and guitar again 104. Team: ? 105. Season: winter it’s cold and people can’t bully me for being pale 106. Radio station: who listens to the radio 107. Magazine: who reads magazines 108. Favourite grade: none they were all stressful 109. Least favourite grade: grade 1 110. Teacher: mme martin 111. Least favourite teacher: mme leclerc 112. Subject: band 113. Subject to talk about: music Section Six: Family 114. Who's your mum?: my mom 115. Who's your dad?: my dad 116. Any step-parents?: no 117. Any brothers?: yes 118. Any Sisters?: yes 120. Coolest: brother/sister 121. Loudest: my parents fuck 122. Best relative: uh 123. Worse relative: someone who hit on my sister 124. Do you get along with your parents? sometimes 125. With your siblings? yes 126. Does anyone understand you? lmao ugh no one understands me;((((( 127. Do you have any pets?:  yes 128. If so, what kind and name? dog, cat, rosie, thea 129. If not, what do you want as a pet?: i want a snake so bad Section Seven: School 131. Are you still in school? yes 132. Did you drop out?: yes 133. Your current GPA: idk what that is 134. Do you buy or bring lunch?: both, sometimes we cant afford anything so like i just dont eat 135. ABC's?: what 136. Favorite class: band 137. Play any sports at school?: no 138. Are you popular? HAHA no 139. Favourite memory: uh when i failed three classes i loved that :) 140. Most humiliating moment: idk 141. Most funniest moment: bro idk 142. Most scared moment: when i thought my school was gonna be shot up lmfao Section Eight: What do you think of when you hear 145. Chicken: bacawk 146. Dog: bark 147. Christina Aguilera: oUOouIA 148. Ricky Martin: who 149. 50 cent: bottle full of bub 150. Poop: uh 151. Beach: woosh 152. Desert: the sound of sand? 153. Water: woosh 154. Osama: oh  155. Love: the sound of when you are holding your breath and then you exhale because they left but you didnt realize you were holding your breath 156. Your little brother: i  157. Butt: what 158. Clowns: get that shit away 159. Wonder: wahtr 16o. Brown: brrpoqn 161. Banana: peeling noise 162. Sex: moaning?? 163. Parents: yelling 164. Homosexuals: what 165. God: nothing Section Nine: Do you believe in 166. God: idk not really 167. Heaven: idk 168. Devil: idk 169. Hell: idk 170: Boogy man: no 171. Closet Monsters: no but im always paranoid someone is in my closet 172. Fortune tellings: no 173. Magic:  idk 174. Love at first sight: idk 175. Ghosts: yes 176. Voo-doo dolls: no? 177. Reincarnation: maybe 178. Yourself: no Section Ten: Do you 179. Smoke: not cigs, i’ll vape but i dont have one of my own, and if you got weed and want me to smoke it with you sure 180. Do drugs: weed? 181. Drink alcohol: not anymore 182. Cuss: yeah 183. Sing in the shower: yeah 184. Like school: no 185. Want to get married: yeah 186. Type with all of your fingers: on the computer not really only my middle and index finger 187. Think you're attractive: not really 188. Drink and drive: no ive had some horrible experiences 189. Snore: i dont think so 190. Sleep walk: used to 191. Like watching sunrises and sunsets: yes omg  Section Eleven: Have you ever 192. Flashed someone: no 193. Gotten so drunk til you threw up everywhere: haha yeah 194. Told that person how you felt: yeah 195. Been arrested: n o 196. Gone to jail or juve: no 197. Skateboarded: yes im so fucking bad at it though 198. Skinny dipped: no 199. Rock climbed: yes 200. Killed someone: no 201. Watched porn: yes 202. Gone on a road trip: yes 203. Went out of the country: yes 204. Talked back to an adult: yes 205. Broken a law: yes 206. Got pulled over: no i cant drive 208: Cried to get out of trouble: no 209. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: yeah  210. Kissed a brother's or sister's friend: no 211. Kissed a friend's brother or sister: no 212. Dropped something on the floor and let someone eat it anyways: yeah 213. Moon someone: no 214. Shop-lifted: no 215. Worked at McDonald's: no 216. Eaten a dog: no 217. Give money to a homeless person: yeah 218. Glued your hand to yourself:  no 219. Kissed someone of the same sex: yeah 220. Had a one night stand: no 221. Smoked: not cigs 222. Done drugs: weed 223. Lose a friend because of your ex: i dont think so? 224. Slap someone for being stupid: lightly 225. Had cyber sex: no 226. Wish you were the opposite sex: at one point in my life i wanted to die because of it 227. Caught someone doing something: yeah 228. Played a game that removes clothing: no 229. Cried during a movie: yeah 230. Cried over someone: yeah 231. Wanted to hook up with a friend: no 232. Hooked up with someone you barely met: no 233. Ran away from home: yeah 234. Cheated on a test: yeah Section Twelve: Would you 235. Bungee jump: yes pls 236. Sky dive: yes 237. Swim with dolphins: yes 238. Steal a friend's bf or gf: no 239. Try to be the opposite sex: oh 240. Lie to the police: no 241. Run from the police: idk depends on the situation probably not 242. Lie to your parents:yeah 243. Backstab a friend for your own well being: no ew 244. Be an exotic dancer: no 245. NQ- Kill the president: dont have a president Section Thirteen: Are you 246. Shy: not shy 247. Loud: no 248. Nice: i think? im also kind of an asshole 249: Outgoing: not outgoing 250: Quiet: kind of 251. Mean: sometimes 252. Emotional: yeah? 253. Sensitive: no 254. Gay: no 255. Strong: uh idk 256. Weak: not physically 257. Caring: yes 258. Dangerous: no 259. Crazy: no 260. Spontaneous: no? 261. Funny: ive been told 262. Sweet: idk 263. Sharing: yeah 264. Responsible: yeah 265. Trustworthy: yeah 266. Open-minded: yeah 267. Creative: i guess 268. Cute: uh no 269. Slick: idk 270. Smart: no 271. Dumb: no 272. Evil: no 273. Ghetto: no 274. Classy:  no 275. Photogenic: sometimes 276. Dependable: yeah ive made some mistakes though 277. Greedy: no 278. Ugly: no? 279. Messy: kinda 280. Neat: kinda 281. Perverted: uh well im not asexual 282. Silly: what 283. A B****: sure 284. A Good Listener: yeah 285. A Fighter: yeah 286. A Party Animal: no 287. A Game Freak: i like games 288. A Computer Freak: no Section Fourteen: Future 289. Dream job: musician 290. Dream house: fuck idk 291. Husband/Wife: someone i love 292. Kids: like 2 293. Names: , 294. Pets: doberman pls 295. Car: idk 296. Age you would want to get married: like 30 297. Best Man/Bride's Maid: idk 298. Honeymoon: idk Section Fifteen: Your friends 299. Best friends: taylor, claire 300. Known the longest: taylor 301. Craziest: taylor 302. Loudest: claire 303. Shyest: taylor 304. Best hair: i love them all 305. Best eyes: taylor has like multicoloured eyes 306. Best body: bro no 307. Most Athletic: claire 308. Hot-Tempered: both 309. Most impatient: idk 310. Shortest: taylor 311. Tallest: claire 312. Skinniest: uh skinnier is taylor shes smaller in general 313. Best singer: idk neither of them sing 314. Funniest: both 315. Can always make you laugh: both 316. Wish you talked to more: i have like 3 friends so keira 317. Wish you saw more: keira 318. Who drives you insane after a while: claire 319. Who you can stay around forever and never get sick of: taylor 320. Ever lose a friend because you took it to the 'next level': no 321. Whose always been there when you need them: taylor and claire 322. Who is like your family: taylor and claire 323. How many friends do you have?: 4 324. How many are really close? 2 Section Sixteen: The last 325. Thing you ate: burger 326. Thing you drank: water 327. Thing you wore: im in shorts and a hoodie right now? 328. Thing you did:  dog walk 329. Place you went: dog park 330. Thing you got pierced or tattooed: my ears 331. Person you saw: my mom 332. Person you hugged: my mom  333. Person you kissed: my bf 334. NQ- Person you beat to a juicy pulp: idk but id like to beat some people to a juicy pulp 335. Person you talked to online: this bitch thunder that is annoying we dont talk anymore shut the fuck up bro 336. Person you talked to on the phone: my call log says my mom 337. Song you heard: beach walk by whitewoods 338. Show you saw: like concert? fidlar 339. Time you fought with your parents: idk like today 340. Time you fought with a friend: idk 341. Words you said: “yeah”  Section Seventeen: Now 343. What are you eating: burger 344. What are you drinking: water 345. What are you thinking: miss 346. What are you wearing: shorts and a hoodie 347. What are you doing: writing this 349. Hair: messy? im sick 350. Mood: gross 351. Listening to:  nothing 352. Talking to anyone: no 353. Watching anything: mr nightmare Section Eighteen: Yes or No 354. Are you a vegetarian: no 355. Are you a carnivore: no 356. Are you heterosexual: no 357. Do you like penguins: yes 358. Do you write poetry: sometimes? i dont share it 359. Do you see stupid people: yes 360. You + Me: uh 361. Do you like the Osbournes: never really watched it 362. Can you see flying pigs: egrhf 363. Do you sleep with stuffed animals on your bed: no 364. Are you from Afghanistan: no 365. Is Christina Aguilera ugly: no  366. Are you a zombie: no 367. Am i annoying you: yes 368. Do you bite your nails: yes 369. Can you cross your eyes: yes 370. Do you make your bed in the morning: no 371. Have you touched someone's private part: yes why would you word it like private part Section Nineteen: This or That 372. Winter or Summer: winter 373. Spring or Autumn: autumn im quirky hahahahahahha 374. Shakira or Britney: neither 375. MTV or VH1: neither 376. Black or White: mix of both is good 377. Yellow or Pink: pink 378. Football or Basketball: basketball 379. Mobile Phone or Pager: mobile phone 380. Pen or Pencil: pencil i feel safer 381. Cold or Hot: cold it’s easier to warm up than to cool down 382. Tattoos or Piercings: piercings but i want a small tattoo 383. Inside or Outside: uh both 384. Weed or Alcohol: weed 385. Coke or Pepsi: coke 386. Tape or Glue: tape 387. McDonald's or In-n-Out: mcdonalds Section Twenty: Opinions 388. What do you think about classical music: love it! 389. About boy bands: sure! 390. About suicide: i dont think people understand that someone who is suicidal, their perception is collapsed. even though they subconsciously know they have other options, they believe with every bit of them that is their one and only choice.  391. About people who try to force their opinions on you: choke  392. About teen pregnancy: make sure you can handle the child and have support. if not, get an abortion or put it up for adoption. seriously. only keep it if it’s something you want, not because you were being shamed. 393. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years: on hastings shooting up heroin idk  394. Who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: taylor 395. About gay men: love yall Section Twenty-One: 396. Do you have a website: no 397. Current weather right now: uh cloudy 398. Current time:  8:15 pm 399. Any shout outs: no one follows me 400. Last thoughts: fuck,