#because if this has been going on for that long then i doubt it's going to be fixed any time soon
Note
The way i'm straight up dying over the second-wife Price au so far
Like I don't think you understand how nice it is to see such a fun take on such an already-lovely idea, but GOD I would love to see Price seeing reader after a good few months of trying to convince himself that he was right in leaving her there.
Maybe he always felt that guilt, that twisting in his guts that made him feel like a bastard when he thought about you, maybe he never quite got over the look on your face when the ropes were tied, the fear in your eyes. You weren't supposed to be scared when you looked at him, but you were.
He's long since accepted that you're dead. It would just be silly to think otherwise, but he's still got the other wife, right? The other wife, who he slowly realizes isn't nearly as gentle as you were, who didn't stop a moment to smile at passing children or nod at him when he came back from a successful battle.
maybe he's terrible for wanting to go back, but then he sees you in the woods, holding a baby in your arms and cooing at the little thing while you wash it.
It could be his. That's the first thing he thinks, and then he sees Simon. Simon who should be dead, Simon who defected mid-battle mere days before he met you, Simon the *traitor*who comes up behind you and knocks his forehead against yours so gently and takes the baby into his arms as you smile at him.
And maybe Price feels a sort of longing in that moment, a sort of pain he's never felt before, because you look... happy. You look happy in a way Price has never seen on you before. Genuine and comfortable, that soft smile on your face spreading as you chuckle and hug Simon.
Or maybe not. Maybe Price turns and leaves, maybe he never quite sees that it's you or maybe he just cant mentally reckon with you being alive without him like this, happier without him after he hurt you unforgivably. Maybe Price doesn't even know if it would be worth giving up his half-assed, but functional marriage with your replacement-that thought still makes him shudder-to try and talk to you again, because you look like you wouldn't even entertain him, and he **knows** that Simon won't
I dunno, just some thoughts for you, I hope you like :))
(You have absolutely no obligation to respond if you don't wanna, just want you to know that this au and your writing in general has honestly been something nice to come home to and it's really helped me through some rough days)
simon bumping his forehead against you like a stray cat is awakening something in me
c/w: stalkerish-vibes from chief!price, nsfw, masturbation, sex, mentions of war, torture, children
he had to return a couple more times just to be certain. dedicating a few hours a week to come back to that lake in hopes of seeing if you were actually alive or if his mind was playing tricks on him. he caught a few more glimpses of you. some by yourself, a few with your baby and a couple with your ‘husband’
he’d watched you bath by yourself in the late evening, slipping off your clothes and unknowingly giving him a view of your most intimate parts. not like he hadn’t seen them before. sometimes when he felt extra guilty and pathetic, he’d stroke his cock as he watches you bathe in the lake
he’d also caught you and your child down there once or twice, a genuine happy smile on your face as you help them dip their feet in the shallow tide. he knew the whispers of the clan was getting to you, rumours that you couldn’t conceive but he never had his doubts. he just never had the time to dedicate to you due to his many responsibilities as the clan chief
that’s a weak excuse, still. he had energy to dedicate to his second wife, for a while at least. he soon tired of her and her attitude towards her wifely duties. and he didn’t just mean her bedroom duties, although that was becoming an issue too. he also meant her responsibilities to the clan. she had a responsibility to offer them support and she was failing to integrate herself with them
you didn’t seem to have any issues with your marriage. you seem perfectly happy with your husband. price wonders if you really know who he is. it’s hard to imagine the ex-wife he knew as shy and timid seems this content with the infamous warrior ‘ghost’
price wonders if simon has told you about his time as a prisoner of war under an enemy clan when he was a fresh adult. perhaps he’d told you about how he got all those scars, how he’d endured years of torture before he finally escaped. except, he didn’t stay away once he returned home. no, he went back in the middle of the night. and slayed every enemy in that camp with his own two hands. a blood-thirsty fury in his veins as he takes his revenge
the sweetness only lasted a few minutes before the taste turns bitter. especially when he finds that he’s been shunned from his clan. his actions deemed inhumane, evil, unnecessary. simon didn’t agree, not one bit. he had dedicated his life to the clan and this is how they treat him after he nearly died for them
price had never met him. he was a known name around these ends. probably not to you. you don’t seem too afraid of him when he tugs your clothes off, bumping his nose against yours and pushing you up against a tree. hoists you up and wastes no time in lining his cock up with your pussy. nudges his tip inside your hole before thrusting the rest of his cock in
john watches as you whine and moan and beg for more in a way he never got to see before. perhaps if he had actually dedicated any time towards your pleasure, he would’ve gotten to witness this too. he fucks his fist from his hiding place, imagining that you were falling apart on his cock instead
he wishes he could use some of that famous courage he’s known for to actually come up and speak to you. apologise for abandoning you, not being a proper husband and protecting you from all the people trying to tear you down. yet his feet can’t seem to pass further from the spot he watches you from
he figures he should leave you be, you deserve your peace and your happiness. you seem to have found it. he wonders if you’ve found forgiveness for him in that time too. maybe you’d throw that sweet smile in his direction, welcome him with open arms and tell him that it’s okay
but he knows that unlikely. he’s sure that wolf of yours would show up, sniffing out a potential threat near his mate. bare his teeth and growl at price for even selling close to you. much more likely that he’ll rip john apart with his canines and claws, leave his mangled body in the dirt. he’s not so sure that you’d tell him to heel either, how can he expect you to save him when he left you for dead?
#captain john price x reader#captain price x reader#price x reader#captain john price#john price#captain price#price#john price x reader#chief!price#mw2#cod mw2
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warnings: smut, semi-public sex, slight premature ejaculation, cumplay, odd position, vaginal fingering, oral sex(fem receiving)
He has you on his desk, legs pushed up and pussy exposed. He kept your panties wrapped around your ankles so he could use it to tuck behind your head, keeping your legs open just for this. In this position, you’re basically stuck. You’re the perfect little fucktoy for him right now. It’s been a long time since he has been able to fuck you and even if he’s on his lunchbreak, he’s taking this opportunity to fuck you.
“Look at how wet you are,” his finger dips into your entrance.
You whimper as he teases you. Hiromi smirks at the way you’re reacting to this. You’re the perfect wife for him. You always are open to having sex like this.
“Oh, it’s not a bad thing. I love how receptive my wife is.”
You moan as you feel him kissing your thigh, his teeth grazing the sensitive flesh before he presses a kiss to your mound. He wants to take his time to lap at your cunt, but he knows he needs to speed this up just a little bit.
He suckles on your clit a few times, his fingers pressing into you. Hiromi curls them in the way that gets you wet so quickly. His eyes are directed to your cute little cunt just swallowing up his digits. His other hand is busy palming at his growing erection.
You’re squirming and trying to hump his fingers, but the position you’re in prevents you from doing so. You’re so desperate for his touch. His lips wrap around your swollen nub, his tongue flicking the little nub softly. He pulls away and blows on your soaked cunt, chuckling softly at the way you squirm again.
Soon he’s pulling his fingers from you, and he’s unbuckling his belt. Your eyes trail down to the small patch of hair that’s uncovered as he pulls down his pants. Then you begin to salivate as his hard cock bobs out, smacking him in the lower abdomen. He gives it a few lazy strokes before he pushes into your wet heat.
“Fuck…” he hisses between gritted teeth. “Shit, I don’t know how long I can last.”
His cheeks are pink at the confession. Hiromi is a good lover; there’s no doubt about his ability to pleasure you. But he’s been pent up for a few weeks now, working hard and coming home too late to really get the chance to make love. So now that he’s able to fuck you, he feels like he’s going to blow his load way too quickly.
The desk shakes beneath him as he begins pumping into you faster and harder. He leans down to spit on your clit, then he’s rubbing it in just the way that you love. The sudden movements and stimulation push you even closer to your own orgasm. You gasp as it catches you by surprise. Your walls begin to clamp down on his cock like a velvet vice.
“Shit shit shit…” he grunts and his balls begin to draw up. “I’m cumming!”
Shots of hot cum begin to fill your waiting womb. You moan as he continues to pump into you, fucking his cum so deep inside of you. When he pulls out, he notices that because of the position you’re in, some of the cum pools in your entrance. Hiromi uses the tip of his still hard cock to tease you a little.
“Look at that,” he taps your clit with his cum coated tip. “Isn’t that such a pretty sight?”
Hiromi presses just the tip back into your hole, watching as the cum gushes out just a bit. He’s intrigued with the way this looks. It’s making him hard again. He checks the watch on his wrist, he still has thirty minutes. So he pushes back into you completely, smirking at the way your walls flutter to accommodate his size and the way your eyes roll back.
“Ready for round two, honey?” he begins thrusting. “I know you can take it all.”
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dividers by the amazing @benkeibear!
#bacon.writes#hiromi x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#hiromi x you#hiromi x y/n#higuruma x reader#higuruma hiromi#jjk higuruma#higuruma x you#higuruma smut#hiromi higuruma x reader#hiromi higuruma x you#jjk hiromi#jjk hiromi smut#hiromi higuruma smut#anime smut#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk x reader smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader smut
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Genius (3) - Own It
Cairo Sweet x female (G!P) Reader
Summary: It was such a cliché, a reunion she didn’t expect to ever happen, let alone six years after she last saw you. It was supposed to mean nothing, a bit of nostalgia, maybe a brief catching up while waiting for class, it was supposed to be a small wave of nostalgia, not a tsunami that disrupted her entire life. You were her opposite, and as hard as she tried she couldn’t resist your pull.
Story masterlist / First part / Previous Part
Word count: 4k
-I will never run from it when I’m in the moment, I’m gonna own it own it ain’t afraid to own it-
Winnie chose to spend the night at Cairo’s place, it was big, Cairo was often lonely, she liked spending time with Cairo, it was a win-win situation. Besides, the beds were really comfortable. How long ago has she fallen in love with the girl? With her mysterious aura, a hard to approach exterior with a surprisingly softer side, with the acceptance of others she didn’t expect from someone born in Cairo’s circumstances. And it didn’t hurt that Cairo was beautiful, but none of that mattered. Cairo just didn’t see her that way.
Cairo never really saw anyone that way, she was stuck in her books and writing, and Winnie never realized what it was that Cairo wanted. She thought Cairo wanted more books, more of what she already loved. But then you said you’d take Cairo out of the village and Winnie swore she saw something she never saw in Cairo’s eyes. You and Cairo knew each other, that much she understood, but you’ve been apart for at least the past four years. And you, just like that, in one sentence, made Cairo look lost in her thoughts, a yet to be opened book in her hands.
And even worse than that Winnie heard your name before, though Cairo never talked about you. Between Cairo’s reaction to recognizing you, and then her willingness to let you take her out, take her somewhere outside of the village, there was no doubt in Winnie’s mind that you were the same person from that night.
~X~
Cairo was in a really bad mood the whole week and Winnie wanted to cheer her up, but nothing was working. It was like it didn’t matter that they had good weather, that a small cinema just opened in the village. Well, Cairo wasn’t much of a movie fan, she preferred her books, so that didn’t do much for her, but it was something new in their village! And as hard as Winnie tried, she couldn’t understand why Cairo was in a bad mood. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, yet the girl didn’t want to leave her bed.
“Come on, Cairo, talk to your Winnie,” she tried to poke her, but Cairo just pushed her hand away.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she muttered, though Winnie could see her eyes were a bit puffy. And the open book next to Cairo’s head looked a bit wet.
Winnie sighed. Why wasn’t anything working? She groaned, losing her patience with the girl and leaving her bedroom. She’d go and make some food for Cairo, since she wasn’t sure when was the last time the girl ate, but as she came back after spending way too much time deciding on what to make for Cairo with a sandwich in hand she realized Cairo was asleep.
Cairo mumbled something incoherent in her sleep, not for the first time, she often talked in her sleep, though Winnie rarely got the opportunity to hear it. Well, at least she was sleeping. She figured she should leave, and so she placed the plate on Cairo’s nightstand and turned to leave. She didn’t dare to push a few strands of Cairo’s hair out of her face.
“Wait,” Cairo muttered and for a moment Winnie’s heart skipped a beat, but when she turned she saw Cairo was still asleep. “Y/N,” the girl said a name Winnie never heard before, but she said it with so much longing Winnie could have sworn her own heart broke for the girl. Who was she dreaming about? Why did she never mention this ‘Y/N’? She didn’t know, she wouldn’t dare to ask because the tone of Cairo’s voice told her enough already.
~X~
The moment Cairo realized who you were that night came to Winnie’s mind and at first Winnie was worried. She wasn’t sure how Cairo would react, and more importantly she wasn’t sure what made the two of you separate. Yet that worry began fading when she realized just how softly you were looking at Cairo, she saw the same longing in your eyes, the same intensity as the longing she heard in Cairo’s voice.
And though she could admit she was feeling jealous that you so openly looked at Cairo like she was the only one in the room, she was glad whatever separated you and Cairo didn’t leave you mad at the girl.
“What are you thinking about?” Winnie finally chose to speak up and if Cairo wasn’t as composed as she was she was sure the girl would have jumped a bit.
“Just childhood,” she said as she got up and placed the book back on the shelf, and Winnie saw that it was some book by Jules Verne, which wasn’t too unusual, but it definitely wasn’t the genre Cairo was currently into.
“About Y/N?” she asked, observing carefully as Cairo went stiff, as she looked to the side, refusing to meet Winnie’s gaze.
“It doesn’t matter, I have other things to do,” Cairo grabbed a pack of cigarettes and went to her laptop, and Winnie got a message, she didn’t feel like talking about you.
But she still agreed to go with you, and while she didn’t say it, and while she tried to hide it, Winnie knew her well enough by now. Cairo wanted you back in her life.
~X~
Saturday came way too quickly! Between classes, settling down, handling the moving, well, a handful of things that you couldn’t carry on your motorcycle being shipped to you, and all the small details that took up your time you felt like you blinked, and Saturday arrived!
You haven’t seen Cairo since Monday, and you had to admit you were a bit too anxious for your own liking. What would you talk about? Would you be able to go back to the way things were before she suddenly cut you off from her life? No, of course it couldn’t be the same. It’s been years, you were different people now. Would she be okay with riding on your motorcycle? Was that pushing her too far out of blue? Forcing her to be that close to you? Maybe you should take your parents’ car? Did it have enough gas though?
Maybe you should, but you weren’t that experienced with cars, you were much more comfortable on your motorcycle and you didn’t want to be a nervous mess in front of Cairo. Well, any bigger nervous mess than you were going to be in less than half an hour.
Motorcycle it is! If she isn’t comfortable, you’ll just go back and get the car. With that in mind you went to get dressed, opting for simple jeans and a white T-shirt, with your jacket, gloves, and boots.
And now you just sat there, taking deep breaths to calm down your nerves. You didn’t even specify the time! And you didn’t get her bloody number!
“Damn it!” you yelled, almost slamming your helmet and the rest of the protective gear on and got on your motorcycle. You’ll figure shit out with her instead of torturing yourself like this!
~X~
She should have asked you for your number. She should have told you exact time you should meet up. Was she supposed to come to you, or would you come to her house? Why didn’t she think this out more carefully?!
All things considered, Cairo’s been ready for an embarrassingly long time, for about two hours now. Since seven in the morning since she could barely sleep last night. And she spent an hour going through her wardrobe, never quite happy with what she was wearing. In the end she chose to go with black shorts and a button-up baby blue shirt. She was so distracted by her own worries that she nearly missed someone ringing her bell. It had to be you, after all, one of the last buses would leave in half an hour and after that you wouldn’t be able to leave for another three hours.
She took a deep breath and went to the front doors a bit too quickly for her own liking, but there was no going back now. She opened the doors and saw you, with a helmet in hand and a bit of a nervous smile on your face. You were wearing a sturdy-looking black jacket with red stripes going down the sleeves and your sides, it matched your gloves and helmet as well. Wait… A helmet? Her eyes widened. “When did you come back?” she blurted out, surprising you.
“Hm? Oh, Last Saturday night, I drove down the road,” you pointed with your thumb behind you. “So maybe you heard me? The lights were on,” you said and sure enough, there was a red motorcycle on the road, parked right next to her gate. You were her biker from last week.
“Sorry, yeah, I heard you, I just,” she frowned, hating the shakiness of her voice. “I did hear you, I just didn’t realize it was you,” she said, suddenly feeling stupid. Of course she didn’t realize it was you. Why would she? She didn’t know you were coming back, it never even crossed her mind that you’d come back, and she certainly never imagined you coming back on a motorcycle.
You smiled, as if you relaxed due to her embarrassing stammering. “It’s okay, hey, it’s just me,” you said softly, and Cairo nodded. “By the way, I know we didn’t specify the time, so, do you need me to wait for you, or maybe come later?”
“Now is fine, I’m ready,” she said and you rubbed the back of your head nervously.
“You should put jeans or something like that on,” you muttered. “And a jacket, sorry, I should have brought another one with me,” you apologized as Cairo blushed. Yeah, her shorts probably weren’t a good idea if you were going on a motorcycle. “Or would you like me to go get my parents’ car?”
She shook her head. “No, this is fine, I’ll go get changed,” in her nervousness she slammed the doors closed and then leaned her forehead against it. “I’m so stupid,” she whispered, feeling her face burning as she pleaded or the ground to open up and swallow her. First conversation in almost seven years, the first time alone after all that time and she was a nervous wreck. And now she pretty much slammed the door in your face to make things even worse.
She ran up the stairs and changed into the first jeans she came across and grabbed a denim jacket. It would have to do, she didn’t have anything as sturdy as wheat you were wearing. She looked at the mirror and blushed even harder when she realized her face was still so red. “Come on, Cairo, get it together,” she glanced outside her window, you were still there, still waiting for her. She really should have invited you in instead of closing the doors like that.
Well, there was no going back now. She went outside again and scratched her cheek a bit as you looked her over and nodded. This would do. She followed you to your motorcycle and stopped when you pulled guards for elbows and knees and shins out.
“I’m a careful biker, but better safe than sorry. Did you ever put these on?” you asked her.
“No,” she said and you dropped down to your knee.
“It might be better if I put them on you the first time, to make sure everything is in place. Is that okay with you?” you looked at her and waited until she nodded, not trusting her voice. You didn’t waste time or any movement, from what she could tell, just putting the guards on her legs and elbows and then taking the helmet and gently put it on her and she was thankful that the visor was already down because you were tucking her hair in and your fingers accidentally brushed against her neck and she just knew her entire face was about as red as it could get.
She would have to mark this date as the day filled with embarrassment and absolutely everything going wrong for her.
~X~
You managed to calm your nerves as the two of you got on the motorcycle, Cairo even placed her hands around your waist without you telling her and that was a relief, because you could tell she was nervous, but you weren’t sure if she wanted to talk or just relax during the ride, so, you remained silent for the most part.
When you got on the open road and drove for a few miles you felt her hands unclenching from their vice grip on your jacket and she seemed to relax a bit.
“Is this okay?” you asked her through the helmet’s communication system.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Do you do this a lot?” she asked.
“You mean riding? Or having a passenger?” you grinned a bit, hoping you weren’t making her feel awkward.
“Both actually,” Cairo loosened up a bit.
“Yes, for riding, no, for passengers, well, it happened a few times, but more because we didn’t have much of a choice than because I wanted someone behind me,” you told her.
“Mhm,” she accepted the answer, leaning a bit closer to you now, though maybe that was just to be safe.
About an hour later and only a bit of occasional questions and comments about the nature you rode past, you arrived at your destination. It was exactly what you promised, the beautiful view with river flowing nearby, a mountain cottage aesthetic to the restaurant and a nice live music playing just loud enough to enhance the feel.
You and Cairo sat down across one another and she gracefully took the menu. You were still early enough for a breakfast so you knew exactly what you wanted.
“All of this looks good,” she commented. “You went here before, right?”
You nodded. “Lots of times,” you didn’t want to admit it, but you wanted to go back to go back to the village several times, to maybe see if Cairo was still there, or ask her parents for a way to contact her, but you always changed your mind in the last possible second, turning around and coming here to take a break.
“Help me out then?” she requested with a small pout on her face.
“I suggest French toast with berries and whipped cream if you’d like something sweet, or an mushrooms and onion omelet,” you said, those were by far your favorites as far as breakfast menu went.
Cairo nodded as the waiter came over.
“Hey, Y/N, you brought company this time,” he was a polite man in his late twenties, and you came to the restaurant so regularly pretty much everyone on the staff knew you by now.
“Hello, yeah,” you met her eyes, silently asking for her permission to introduce her, and as if the years changed nothing between you she smiled a bit. “This is Cairo, my childhood friend,”
He turned to her and nodded, bowing slightly. “Nice to meet you, I’m Robert and I’ll be your waiter for the day. What may I bring you?”
“I’ll have French toast with berries and whipped cream, and a Coca Cola please,” Cairo said.
Robert nodded, writing it down and turning to you.
“Mushroom and onion omelet with iced tea,” you told him.
“Coming right up,” he nodded, leaving the two of you alone.
And, as if the small interaction broke all the tension between the two of you, you just leaned forward, your arms resting on the table with your gloves and your and Cairo’s helmets safely out of the way. “Tell me everything,” you told her. “How have you been? What’s been going on these past years?”
Cairo didn’t lean as much as you, but she did get a bit closer. “I really don’t have a lot to tell you. You know how things are back home, nothing ever changes,” she said. “Well, we did get a cinema, and Winnie likes to go there often so, I guess I’ve been reluctantly watching movies.”
You laughed at that. Cairo and movies? Now that sounded almost ridiculous when you were kids. “For real? I’m glad she got you to try something new,” you replied, nodding to Robert as he brought your drinks.
“She’s persistent, but she’s been my best friend ever since I started high school,” Cairo said with a smile on her face, and you could tell she cared about the girl.
“I’m happy to hear that,” and you were, you were worried she would still be lonely, but she found a best friend, one capable of dragging her to movies of all things.
“And you? I mean, as far as best friends go?” she asked, turning the glass in front of her before opening the bottle and pouring some of the Coca Cola in.
“I haven’t really stayed in one place long enough to get to that point. My parents moved a lot until I was fifteen,” you told her. “And after that, well, they settled down, but then I began moving since I turned sixteen and got my motorcycle,” you explained. You really did move a lot, and you never really made connections worth the best friend status. After all, Cairo did set a bar pretty high.
“So, you went and began traveling,” she looked through the window. “This is my first time outside our village,” you found it hard to believe, but looking at her face you realized she was telling the truth.
“You’ll have time to explore every place you want. You’re not late for anything,” you just told her, though you couldn’t tell her that you were happy you were the first one who got to take her somewhere. There, with the last hints of morning light shining through the window and illuminating her hair you felt your breath getting stuck in your throat.
For the first time in your life you didn’t think Cairo was pretty, she was beautiful, so effortlessly beautiful you found it hard to look away. And she didn’t change much from what you could tell. She was still a lot like she was when you were kids, only more closed-off from the looks of it.
You missed her, you missed this, even if having a meal in a restaurant wasn’t something you used to do as kids, well, without your parents taking you there at the very least. No, you just missed being with her, her voice, her eyes, her smile, you missed all of that.
And in the midst of that realization, you didn’t figure out something just as important. That there was a feeling that wasn’t there before emerging in your heart.
“You think?” she sounded uncertain.
You just nodded, even if she was uncertain you’ve met enough people to know that she was exceptional.
You ended up having a lunch at the restaurant as well, talking about random things, about a book Cairo read, or about a place you visited, or a movie Winnie made her watch, or a new song she recently heard. And that eventually moved the conversation toward music.
“Do you still remember everything you hear?” she asked, smiling fondly as if she was reminiscing about good old times when you and her would spend time reading. Well, when she would read and you’d listen.
“Unfortunately,” you chuckled, remembering way too vividly that teacher reading about… split fig. “Don’t ask, I have scars I wish I could erase from my memory,” you quickly raised a hand to stop her. It wasn’t even the split fig, as much as the circumstances during which you heard it.
“Okay, okay,” she laughed, giving up on further questioning. “Did you consider learning to play an instrument?” she asked instead and you looked back toward the band.
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” you teased, looking back at her and watching her light up.
“You did, didn’t you?” Cairo sounded excited about the idea.
You just winked at her and hopped to your feet. “I’ll be back soon enough,” you jogged over to the band without waiting for her reply.
“Hey, Jack, mind if I borrow your guitar?” you opened with that, not even bothering to say ‘hi’ properly. You were a bit excited to play a song for her.
“Hello to you too, biker girl, which song are we playing?” he humored you, glancing behind you and seeing Cairo. He seemed to piece it together quickly enough.
“Just instrumentals this time. I don’t want to miss a thing, the guitar cover,” you told him, accepting the electric guitar and taking a seat.
You weren’t sure if Cairo would recognize the song, and maybe the lyrics would be a bit too much in case she already didn’t know the song. So, just this would do. You nodded to the rest of the band and they began playing. You waited for half a minute and then joined them and as you played you looked at Cairo, smiling back at you as she listened and swayed a bit to the soft tunes of the guitar you were playing.
Still, it didn’t look like she recognized the song, she just enjoyed the melody. And that was fine as well, perfect even as far as you were concerned.
The song ended and you thanked Jack before going back to Cairo. “I guess I can play a bit,” you said as you sat down.
“A bit? Yeah, that was a bit. What song was that?” she demanded but you just shook your head. “Come on, tell me!”
“You will never know!” you laughed, ignoring her pleading eyes.
“Please, I want to listen to it,” she tried again, but you were adamant on staying silent.
You might tell her later, not now though. She could live a bit longer without knowing the song.
~X~
The ride back was pleasant, the soft breeze, the almost empty open road, the smooth way you drove, as well as how easy it felt to just put her arms around your waist. When you parked outside her house, she almost reluctantly got off your motorcycle, but staying on it would have been too awkward to explain.
“Thank you for today, I loved it,” she said as you took off the knee and shin guards off her while she was handling the elbow guards.
“Thank you for accepting,” you reached up and helped her get the helmet off since she still wasn’t used to doing it. You didn’t take your own helmet off, just lifted your visor so she could see your eyes.
She felt at peace, she finally set foot outside her village, she just expanded her world and she did it with you. And she couldn’t think of a better person to do it with.
“I missed you,” she said, her hands reaching for your helmet and, as if in trance, you helped her take your helmet off and lowered it on your seat, and Cairo, she just stepped forward, hugging you not nearly as tightly as she wanted to do, but still, she was hugging you.
“I missed you too, Cairo,” you wrapped your arms around her and pulled her a bit closer.
She didn’t want the night to end, she wanted to invite you in, to talk more, to make up for lost time, to apologize and explain what happened that day, to tell you just how much she wanted to approach you. But she did none of that, she just separated from you once again and smiled at you as she watched you get on your motorcycle. “I’ll see you on Monday,” you said, and she nodded, eager to see you again.
Taglist: @deimaisgail @bee-keeping @marvelous-disaster @jmwetterlund @tekanparadiae
@alexkolax @ioveyouyouloveme @aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
#cairo sweet x female reader#cairo sweet x reader#cairo sweet#miller's girl#jenna ortega x reader#x reader
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|| Apologies III | An Ode to Nipples
Warnings: 18+ explicitly written accounts of sex acts and male masturbation, John Egan going on too long about nipples to make up for Julie doubting he liked hers, a joke about their censor wanting to harm himself.
Previous Letter 💌
Full co-authored with my baby @stylespresleyhearted …in fact, majorly authored by her with me only tinkering, she has these two down to a science and let’s all make her take a bow
My dearest,
In trying to be a gentleman it seems I have offended you and for that I must once again apologize. I never meant to make you doubt yourself or that lovely photograph
-I swear to you I sleep with it in my fist, clutched to my chest every night. So no, you see, you can’t have it back. I've already warned everyone else I'll kill them if they ever even try to peek. Balls are on the line for even coming within a yard of my foot locker. I am your virtue’s most valiant defender. Lucky for us, my bunkmate Lt. John Brady is a good man. No threats needed from me to ensure he keeps a wide berth from my new possessions. He’s a good kid - looks up to me according to Buck and that’s a scary thought in itself.
Oh Jean this just all feels like a dream and I’d be heartbroken upon waking up. Buck convinced me to try to be better, that a woman of your status and money and loveliness deserved someone who wouldn’t ramble about giving you babies and A.C.O.R.N but be assured I’ve smacked Buck around the head since because his advice made me hurt you.
It was gut instinct to first write you, and it wasn’t pretty when I did, but if it matched yours, then maybe our guts belong together, no sprucing up needed. I’ll try to keep it that way, I’ll try to keep spilling my guts to you, if that's what you want.
Since receiving your photograph I find myself unable to be satisfied by my doing or anyone else’s. It may interest you to know I went to the bar last Thursday and strenuously chatted up a girl there who had the largest breasts around, but still they and she did not compare to you.
I found myself thinking yours would bounce and hit your chin, and I’d be a gentleman and hold them for you.
Don’t take me wrong, the dame was a good time and she took real good care of me. Let me slip in between her beautiful pair and let me call her by your name.
But she was not you, Acorn, and so I was still left hard as rod and needing more. Needing you. My hand does nothing for me either anymore and all my thoughts are only of you and your magnificent pair that you deemed me worthy enough to look at. And oh Julie, how I look at you! I wonder if you’d blush or just be pleased.
I wrap my hand around myself and I squeeze and I tug and I pull and it takes about three rounds before the little major goes down. Buck tells me I’m going to start chafing soon enough if I keep it up. I’m telling you this in pure honesty and because thinking of you believing for a second that you aren’t the epitome of the dream girl for me kills me. It hurts, Julie Jean and I’ve never hurt for a girl before. Maybe for girls back during my school days but nothing like this and it’s been so long now I can barely remember it.
Women now, as beautiful and charming and smart as they are, they do just to pass the time but you are different. And I promise here and now Miss Turner, that I vow to never try to impress you or be any more of a gentleman than I am. I will be honest with my desires regarding you like telling you I had a dream you took me in that pouty mouth of yours and you were making the most obscene sounds but I knew you were only asking for more. You don’t remember meeting me at the canteen but I remember how tiny you are compared to me and it’d be a struggle to fit all of me in you but we would make it work. Neither of us are ones to give up.
This dream was the first night since my first mission that I haven’t had a nightmare without having to drink.
You’re a goddamn tonic, baby cakes.
I dream of those large nipples of yours and of being able to take them in my mouth. Of tugging on them until they become tiny and angry and pointy. I could entertain myself with them for hours. Since receiving your letter and reading your insecurities on paper that I left you with, I've hated myself every day and I fear I will hate myself until I hear from you again. I hope to hear from you again, Julie. I really do. In this lifestyle it’s frightening for me to think about getting to have a future but you are the light at the end of all this fucked up tragedy I’m surrounded by. Don’t give up on me, Julie Jean, my heart couldn’t bear it. It’s become unalterably attached to you, I swear it. The only gal whose arms I want to come home to are yours. It’d be an immeasurable dream come true; the sweetest reward after the war.
Until I hear from you again my loveliest, favorite lady.
Your fool only,
John
P.S. attached is a photo of me and another one of me and Buck taken by one of our fellow men. I’ve never been one to shy away from anything in life so I’m not afraid to embarrass myself for you and let you know that big, doofus smile on my face (one that usually only a call from my mother or a snarky remark from Buck can illicit) is because the boys were ribbing me about you, Jean. It’s what thinking of you does to me; it brings me happiness during these trying times. Don’t mind Buck. He’s blushing because I’m reminding him he also took great interest in the photograph you gifted me. I’m sorry for that acorn, it fell out of the envelope and he picked it up but it isn’t something I'm sharing with anyone as I’ve assured you. Goodbye for now, sweetest, prettiest, favoritest of ladies -because it is just for now, you’ll hear from me again if I don’t hear from ya first, and with that I fear we’ve just committed our poor censor to the noose.
💋 Hope you enjoyed! Feedback is a writer’s lifeblood, please feel free to scream in comments or the inbox, I love it and wanna hear it all. Trust me, nothing is “too dumb”. Your thoughts mean the world to me.
MOTA taglist, I only have one so ignore if this is not the universe you signed up for:
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#john egan fanfiction#john egan#john egan fic#john egan x reader#john egan x female reader#acorn#dear John#masters of the air fanfiction#mota fanfic#Bucky Egan#bucky egan fanfiction#john egan smut#smut#callum turner fanfiction
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Writing prompt-ish?
Adam is homesick. It’s really obvious to everyone, but they assume he just misses the luxury of heaven. Until at some point Adam says something about how long it’s been (having only been in hell for a few months at most) and it takes a second before it clicks that he’s homesick for Eden. In heaven he didn’t feel that homesickness so much because it was like a vacation, there were plenty of good things to distract him. But in Hell those good things aren’t there and the sadness catches up with him. He’d definitely stick around Lucifer more since he was in Eden too.
Do with it what you will :)
- Indigo (similarly homesick and projecting)
Awwww 🥺 I'm sorry you feel homesick.
"I can understand missing heaven but it's only been six months. You'd think he's been here for years." Angel said from his spot on the couch.
Lucifer shook his head. "It's not heaven he's missing."
Charlie looked at her dad questioningly. " Where else has he- Oh! That makes so much sense." Adam missed the garden of Eden.
Lately everyone had noticed that the fallen angel had been down in the dumps. Adam would either take to staying in his room or if he did come he'd stick close to Lucifer, likely because he was there.
Lucifer had heard Adam say on occasion that he just wanted to go home, he thought he meant home to heaven. Now that he knows it's Eden he's missing, well, that garden is long gone forever destroyed. He could never go back.
"Maybe there's a way to help him. Ideas?" Charlie asked.
"I say just let him suffer."
"Vaggie!"
"Sorry babe, but it's Hell people are meant to suffer. God knows that asshole deserves it." Vaggie crossed her arms.
"What if you got him a plant for his room? Or twenty?" Angel added in his two cents.
That actually gave Lucifer an idea.
-
Adam laid on his bed, blanket wrapped tightly around him. He wanted nothing more than to be back home in the garden of Eden, to see the vibrant colors, feel the soft grass between his toes (not that he had toes at the moment because, you know, hooves) to just be at peace in his home.
Lucifer reminded him so much of the garden, he tried not to make it obvious by sticking close to the king when he did leave his room. It was just a comfort, the only thing left from his home.
Without the pleasures of heaven to keep him occupied, Adams mind was free to roam and think about Eden more than he'd like.
His eyes pooled with water. Fuck he just wanted his home back.
"Adam?"
"Ahh!" Adam jumped at the sound of Lucifer's voice and gave him a light glare. "Fuck don't you knock?"
"I did. Three times."
"Oh..." Did he really not hear it?
"Come on I want to show you something." Lucifer gestured and sighed when Adam didn't move. "I think it'll help you."
"Doubt it." Adam got out of bed anyway and was led through a portal. His eyes widened when he looked around at where they were. "What is this?"
"It's not Eden, not even close. But I hope it helps."
They were standing in the middle of a greenhouse that was covered from head to toe in plants, flowers, a couple trees and even grass on the floor. It was as if someone took bits of the garden and placed it inside.
"I know you've been homesick lately. I hope this helps." Lucifer said scratching the back of his neck.
Adam just looked around in awe. "You did this for me?"
"Well, kinda but I understand if you don't -" Lucifer was wrapped up in a hug that caught him by surprise.
"Thank you, Luci."
Oh. Well, that's the first time Adam has called him that since the garden. With a smile Lucifer returned the hug.
"You're welcome, Adam."
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Did Leon change or did he stay the same?
A character analysis by me because it’s 1AM and I can’t sleep.
I’d like to think Leon goes through an identity crisis throughout the course of RE4R and after RE2R.
Everywhere he went, he’s been told that he has stayed the same even though he believes he’s changed. This got me thinking two things about his character.
A) He’s not as self aware as he thinks he is. To him, maybe he’s changed because he’s had to go drastic changes in order to become the agent he is now. The extensive work that was put on him as well as the pressure to perform well probably made him believe he was not the same man he once was. He probably feels as if a part of his humanity was ripped away. We actually see his monologue in Vendetta where he states that when he was younger, he’s always wondered about what type of man he’d grow up to be. And to realize that the version of himself, the “future” version, is probably something that he wished he didn’t have to be. He wished things were different, he wished he was different.
B) A lot of people underestimate him and his sensibility. Leon is someone who’s always known what’s just. One of his prominent characteristics is probably a strong sense of justice and humanity. He’s the type of person that would save everyone even if it meant he’d have to sacrifice himself. He’s a very noble person and most people see this as a weakness, hence why Krauser thinks he’s too “soft” for the job. But I think otherwise, I think it’s a good thing that Leon is the way he is simply because he’s still holding on to a part of himself that he refuses to give up. It’s what makes him a good person despite his bloodied hands. He’s saved countless people but he’s also killed many to save others.
After being confronted by Ada and Krauser, I’d like to think he’s doubting himself.
“Have I really not changed?”
“What about rookie me?”
“Who was I before?”
But maybe there’s another reason. He hasn’t talked to Ada in six years and he hasn’t seen Krauser since Op. Javier. So that means it’s been a long time since he’s seen both. Maybe Ada and Krauser refuse to acknowledge that Leon did in fact change and want to keep a small fragment of what Leon was prior to their meetup in RE4R. Not because they underestimate him but because Leon is a symbol of what is right. Hence why Ada didn’t give Wesker the Amber and why Krauser was so willing to die at the hands of Leon.
Leon’s character is a complex character that is heavily influenced by others around him. But that doesn’t mean he’s letting himself be used as a carpet. I’d like to think that the cop inside him didn’t in fact die, instead it grew. Why does he keep pushing through even though he says he doesn’t want to keep fighting? It’s not just the government forcing him, it’s the cop Leon that’s telling him to do what’s right for the innocent lives that could be at stake.
Leon is a good man.
#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#leon scott kennedy#resident evil#re2 leon#re leon#resident evil 2#resident evil 4#re2r leon#re4r leon#re4 leon#resident evil leon#leon#leon kennedy headcanons#leonstoenailunderhisbed
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Diving into Star Wars: The Clone Wars
“Good soldiers follow orders.”
This seems to encapsulate the whole seven seasons of the series Star Wars: The Clone Wars. If you haven’t seen it, haven’t heard of it – in short, it’s an animated series set between Episode II and III of the prequel saga. However, the aim of this is not to be a guide – you can go to Wookiepedia for that; this is supposed to be an essay – analysis, some kind of a deeper-ish dive into the philosophy and meaning of the series, that frankly is one of the best things to happen to this film universe, perhaps ever. I have, time and again, tried to explain for myself the meaning it carries and just why it has me in such a strong chokehold, but I have failed, or at least haven’t reached a conclusion. Maybe it’s not possible, maybe it’s just the magic of being a fan – you see and feel things not everyone would understand, because it speaks to you on some personal level, that even some (more chill than me, at least) fans won’t be able to entirely relate to. I have yet to meet a person as obsessive as I am over all kinds of different media – don’t get me wrong, even though Star Wars is without a doubt my favourite universe, there are many more I have indulged in, wrote about, watched, listened, theorized and all that good stuff throughout many years. But as I have recently come to realize, I have spent the last ten-ish years of my (not that long, to be fair) conscious life thinking about this universe, this whole galaxy (pun absolutely intended) of characters, morals, and plots.
Speaking about morals, that’s where some of the importance of The Clone Wars comes for me personally. Ever since I can remember, Star Wars has been a huge deal in my life – I watched the movies at a very young age (thanks, mom!), but started reading more and more into the whole world as I got older. I thought I’d reached the peak somewhere in high school when I would literally rewatch the prequels every single weekend, and the OG movies about once a month too. I just found it mesmerising, I always have – being a person with a huge imagination, that never quite stops working (and that’s caused me some trouble as well), I found a haven in this world, a place where nothing is too weird, everything is just so brilliantly imagined and thought of, written and painted so vividly, that it feels like someone has taken the insides of my brain, turned them into a whole painting, adding stories, characters and just overall putting into words and pictures the things that I can’t really understand and explain for myself. I found a mirror in this world, a sanctuary for all my thoughts. I used to listen to the soundtracks whenever I felt anxious, and it would transport me directly into the universe I felt so safe in. It was an escape from reality; still is – not that reality was or is particularly scary or unbearable for me; but sometimes I wish I was elsewhere; somewhere where there is courage, bravery, adventure, love, all the things I longed for while being quite honestly, mostly a bored teenager at school.
I have always loved writing, loved expressing my thoughts, putting them into words (as is becoming obvious by this text) and have always greatly appreciated when films, books or other media would reciprocate that – when the words on the screen or the page would feel like I wrote them myself, so true, so real, so incredibly close to me, that I would get literal shivers and wonder if telepathy is actually possible. But hey, that’s The Force for you!
As of now, I have just finished completely rewatching the whole Clone Wars series and as always, I have many thoughts on it. The first time I watched it was right after the final season came out because at that time, and especially during the pandemic, I was going deeper than ever into my interests, rewatching all my favourite things, while also searching for new ones to keep me from going absolutely insane (I think I maybe have succeeded in the opposite though). So, stumbling across this series, I thought I’d give it a try. The rest is history – after absolutely and hungrily devouring it, I continued to Rebels, and every other possible piece of media under the sun. Fabulous times.
Now, one thing I’d like to make clear – I’m not a pro. I am not in any way a certified critic, a writer, or any other sort of person authorised to make such an analysis. I am but a fan, a fan for whom this universe means more than I could ever hope to be able to put into words; a fan who after years of contemplation, has reached a point where I can’t keep it inside any longer. I’d love if this piece of writing makes it out in the universe, reaches as many people who enjoy Star Wars as much as I do, but even if not, I am writing it for myself, I am trying to step out of my comfort zone, reach deep into myself, and in a life of struggling with the loudness of my thoughts, trying to put something down, manifesting my emotions and creating something physical from them; these characters that mean so much to me will never be real, I can never hope to speak to them, touch them, or see them in real life. They have although shaped me as a person and largely formed my psyche and morals, view of the world, inner monologue, even some of my characteristics.
So nevertheless, for me they are more real than a lot of people I know are.
***
To begin, I don’t intend to focus on the Jedi’s role in the war – it is of course vital, but I think the discourse about that is to be found more detailed in relation to the movies, namely the prequels, as CW is very much about the clones themselves. When I first started watching it, I will be honest, I didn’t think I’d find what I ended up finding – and that is such depth that I couldn’t imagine finding again, after being a fan of the movies, both OG and prequels, for so long. But was I wrong!
But let’s start with Ahsoka, since I started by mentioning the Jedi and she is one of the first new characters to appear (besides Rex and many others, of course). First, I wasn’t convinced that I liked her much – she was a bit of an annoying youngling for the first few seasons, after all. I wanted Anakin and that’s about it. Well, I got what I wanted, I think, as I am firm in my opinion that Anakin’s arc is so widely explored that you get a whole another view of his character, something I didn’t think was possible, after all – isn’t the entire saga about him? It is, but still – what I saw in CW, through characters such as Ahsoka and Rex, contributed so much to Anakin’s development as a character and leading force in the saga as I don’t think anything else ever did in the movies, any of them. So, yes, I got what I wanted, but also, I got so much more – Anakin is not my main point of discussion here, I think as main of a character he might be in this series, he is not THE main one, at least not for me. And as Dave Filoni is quoted saying – The Clone Wars is about Ahsoka and Rex.
Who are they? That was my main wonder when I first started watching – why would I care about a random clone captain and a youngling? They are both not present in the movies, and the clones themselves have very little personality there, they are just side characters, until they end up executing Order 66, which is of course devastating. But after watching CW, I completely changed my outlook on it, but more on that later. So, Ahsoka and Rex – admittedly, in the beginning, I didn’t find that much since it’s just mainly classic Star Wars battles and a loose plot that is not absolutely VITAL to the end result but brings so much deeper insight into the clones’ personalities, and ultimately through that to the whole feel.
What I really find devastating about this series is the nagging feeling of doom you inevitably carry with you – you spend so many episodes and seasons watching your favourite characters win numerous battles, you root for them, you cry and laugh with them, you grow so attached to them; but you know how the story ends, you’ve seen Anakin become Vader, again you know about Order 66, you know the Empire rises after all and Palpatine’s plan works – and every time you hear someone say “you’re going to lose this war”, you hope for the opposite, but you know they’re right and there’s nothing to be done – evil wins in the end of this. And as I read somewhere – this is a story that happened a long time ago – it’s over, it has already happened, there is no hope, at least in this series, which I find frankly terrifying. Amazingly done, but still heartbreaking.
Clones, war, and choices
The point about choices and what it means to be a soldier gradually becomes more and more pronounced as the show goes on – one amazing example of this is the Umbara arc where the 501st is led not as usual by Anakin, but by Pong Krell (who later turns out to be a traitor of course). This is one of the darkest moments in the show, as clones are made to kill one another, to sacrifice themselves without reason, and for the first time to face an incompetent, and frankly evil general, and to choose to disobey. This is for me a crucial moment, as the clones have never before chosen to disobey direct orders – they were, after all, made to comply and to follow what their generals tell them to.
"I used to believe that being a good soldier meant doing everything they told you. That's how they engineered us. But we're not droids. We're not programmed. You have to learn to make your own decisions."
But here, we can see the conflict – especially in Rex, as he is the captain and has to face the general and answer for his deeds. He looks him directly in the eye and tells him they are not willing to go on a suicide mission, that they will not follow his orders, after he’s made them fight and kill their brothers unknowingly, and even ordered Fives and Jesse to be executed. However, Rex struggles with killing Krell, when he decides to; he orders him to kneel and points the blaster at his back but is unable to fire the shot. Once again, Star Wars proves that its plot has much deeper nuances and philosophies; for the first time here, we are faced with the harsh truth – the clones are people. We know that, but it somehow gets lost in the movies, as the focus there is on the Jedi’s end, which is just as tragic, of course. But before now, no one has considered what it really means to be a clone. They were made for war, they were made to die, their lives and their deaths were planned. Are the Jedi and the Republic, in that case, really the “good” side? That’s what I, at least, started to reflect on when I reached this point in the series, and it changed my whole outlook on the saga, on everything I have seen thus far. Yes, I still think the Jedi are cool and whatnot – but did they not deserve what happened to them for so blindly exploiting their soldiers? They didn’t know about Order 66 of course, and Palpatine is in no way right – but how come the Jedi are innocent in this? I don’t think they are, at least not fully. They could’ve stopped so much suffering and helped so many more clones, if not for their narrow views, which are all the reason for the clones’ suffering, Ahsoka’s leaving and consequently, Anakin’s betrayal.
"Sometimes in war, it's hard to be the one that survives."
Oh, Cody, Co-dy! The friendship the clones and in this case – Rex and Cody – share is truly precious and very accentuated in this arc especially (here the first arc of the last season) – it is Cody who Rex confides in about not wanting to lose any more brothers, as he knows he is one of the few ones who will understand him fully, what it means to be a soldier, to have to live with the morals of war, to have never known anything but loss. This is what makes Rex dive and slightly recklessly (thank God) search for Echo, proving that he’s alive, saving him from the tortures. They are brothers, and they never leave their own behind. But he is not possessive or jealous, and when he senses Echo’s pull towards Clone Force 99, he is ready to give him the push he needs to join them. He knows his brothers, as I said, and he knows the trials of war, so if Echo will feel even an ounce happier with this squad, he deserves it, after all he’s endured – “If that’s where you feel your place is, then that's where you belong."
Therefore, I love the Skako Minor arc and Echo’s retrieval, not only because it sets up the ground for The Bad Batch (I’m not even going to begin trying to explain what it means to me, as it deserves to have another huge debate on its own), but because it shows Rex’s devotion to his brothers – all of them. Even though he tries to be just a soldier, to live through the deaths, he still cares immensely, and that’s what makes him a good captain. His bravery is unmatched, he is always the one leading his men, and looking out for them, because he knows his men, he stands and fights side by side with them, and he’s ready to die on the battlefield, thus setting the example for everyone.
The philosophy of war is extremely complicated – this is what I enjoyed so much about the series (and the movies of course, politics and war is the main theme), among all other things; the fact that we see war as destroying, as a necessary evil, as a tragedy by itself – but war also created life in this case and its ending brought much more death than any of the battles ever did.
"The mission... the nightmares. They're finally... over."
I’m sorry, but I think I have never witnessed anything as remotely tragic as Fives’ arc – Palpatine told only him the whole truth, fully knowing no one would believe the clone hasn’t lost his mind; but the sacrifice the trooper made ultimately saved so many lives, mostly Rex’s, one of his closest friends. Fives never got to reunite with Echo but losing him made Rex realise how important every brother is to him, and in consequence, he never gave up on any of them (not that he was inclined to do so before of course). In his last sane moment, Rex begged Ahsoka to “find Fives”, and she understood. She knew the clones better than anyone and knew exactly what that meant and never doubted it for a second. Fives saved her life, too.
Fives’ arc is the first time the show begins to become darker and more sombre – it is also the point when we as spectators begin to realize what Order 66 actually means, having seen before only its results; but this time we see its execution, through the eyes of the clones themselves. They are forced to kill all Jedi, after being their most loyal soldiers, and honestly – incredibly loyal friends as well. They can’t control it and it’s not their choice – but that doesn’t mean they don’t realize what they’re doing – Rex said he couldn’t help it; Wrecker said he tried to fight it (The Bad Batch); Bly shot Aayla so many times, so she wouldn’t suffer and her death would be quick; Cody didn’t even check if Obi-Wan was dead; Wolffe didn’t kill Plo Koon. They were people, they were made to do inhumane things, but they found a way, they made a choice, so that they could somehow live with it after.
We get all of this through the clones’ perspective, rather than the Jedi, and it’s just as painful, if not more – we are used to hearing “the army betrayed its generals”, but what happens when we realise, they couldn’t do anything about it? What happens when we see the struggle, when we can almost feel the pain of having to betray? The clones, the most loyal creatures ever created, made for loyalty, have to turn on their generals, on their comrades, on their closest friends.
So, I come back to Ahsoka and Rex. We see them in the very first moment of the show, and they have already formed a bond, which is unlike anything else. They fight side by side the whole war – from the battle of Christophsis to the Siege of Mandalore – and Dave Filoni is truly right when he says this show is about them; but I think also in a broader sense. It is about two creatures who were destined to fight all their lives, who no matter their completely opposite backgrounds, turned out to be the same things – soldiers. Through and through, in their own ways. Their friendship transcends beyond all of this, they have a unique connection, that’s never shaken, even in the direst of moments; even years later, when they meet (in Rebels), you can feel their love for one another, the purest friendship there ever was, somehow ironically created by the ugliness of war and constant fight. Both Rex and Ahsoka suffered losses we cannot imagine – Rex says he tries not to hold on to any of his brothers, and Ahsoka is a Jedi, so it is forbidden for her to form such attachments; but we know. We see it in their eyes, we can hear it when they speak. Rex can never forget Fives’ death and the fact that he died thinking no one believed him; he ran to Skako Minor in an instant even though it might have been a trap, but the chance to save Echo was not one he was going to miss out on this time. And he saved his brother, against all odds. And he saved Ahsoka, as she saved him, time and again. Because that's what brothers do.
“I’m no Jedi” – an interesting phrase for Ahsoka and Rex to have in common, given how different both their roles and backgrounds seem to be, but it is indeed the one they unexpectedly share. Spoken first by Rex here, and then a lot later by Ahsoka in Rebels, it is highly unprovable that it’s on purpose. However, I don’t think anything in Star Wars is done without a reason, so I choose to believe there is some thread connecting them – after all it is Rex and Ahsoka, and that will always matter. What it means for both of them is simultaneously the same, yet different – Rex is the clone closest to the Jedi, there is no doubt about this; he’s used to their ways, he has as equally as strong a moral code, so it is somehow thinly implied that he acts similar to them, despite (or thanks to) being one of the strongest and most respected clone leaders. His closeness to both his general and commander is widely known, so no one seems to pay attention to the fact that he is actually a clone, as he makes his own decisions, and often chooses to fight where a Jedi would opt to step back.
Ahsoka and Anakin
For me Ahsoka became the best character in the whole saga, no ounce of doubt, sorry. She is the embodiment of the Force, she is fierce, loyal, but also incredibly wise for someone her age, and someone who is still learning. On many an occasion, she proves to be more experienced than Anakin (and in my book, experience outranks everything) and I feel like he’s learned as much from her as she did from him – if not more. She is the one keeping him sane and grounded, and I’m a firm believer that had she not left the order, he wouldn’t turn. Ahsoka’s presence brings so many new layers to Anakin’s character, that have not been explored before that and had she stood by him, he wouldn’t be able to become what he became. So, yes – ultimately, I blame the Jedi order for Anakin’s betrayal, I always have, but after watching this series, and seeing it from another point of view, I simply cannot be shaken. They took everything from him and left him alone, which has always been his weakest – he has always been this little child, terrified by the dark, later consumed by it, now unable to fight it anymore. The Jedi made him, and they unmade him too. In my opinion, he shouldn’t have ever been a Jedi in the first place – he is not like Obi-Wan, not like Yoda, not even like Ahsoka (who is not the traditional Jedi either, being trained by him) – he is so powerful and so weak at the same time, and that’s where his dilemma lays – who am I? Which side am I on? He doesn’t know, but no one is there to help him – Ahsoka included, as she (rightfully so!) leaves the order when she sees the truth about it. But she carries that guilt ever since.
She blames herself for leaving Anakin, she blames herself for not fighting alongside him when he needed it; for leaving her friend, her brother. If I were Ahsoka, I would have done the same – she was betrayed by the Jedi, not by Anakin, not ever, but still. He stood with the Order when she needed him by her side. And that is what destroys him too. The loss of his padawan, his most loyal friend is unlike anything else, and for her, leaving this life that’s all she’s ever known, transforms her view on everything. And when she inevitably returns, because that’s where she is supposed to be in order for the prophecy to happen – she must be there, but not by Anakin’s side; she doesn’t fit anywhere else, but she doesn’t fit there anymore either; and she can’t follow him, so she’s sent to Mandalore, again alongside the clones, her brothers, she goes down fighting with Rex. She’s always been his sister more than a Jedi; she didn’t ever belong anywhere else but on a battlefield. She may not be a clone, and she wasn’t meant to be a soldier either; but just like the clones, the war is all she’s ever known, and even though she was meant to be a peacekeeper, peace was something she never knew, especially after Anakin’s turn to the Dark side – even though there is no longer a war, she is forever tormented by the voices she heard in his last moments as her beloved master and the pain she felt when he left.
She knew it was over in that moment – Order 66 is by far the most heartbreaking arc of them all and I can never watch it without then spending weeks thinking about it – it’s genius, really, how Palpatine had this evil plan, dictated the whole war without anyone noticing; and it worked. It worked and changed the whole entire galaxy, and nothing could have prevented it – except maybe Anakin turning; and that is what Ahsoka can’t get over; she feels it is somehow partially her fault that the dark won; if only she hadn’t left, it haunts her forever. She doesn’t know Anakin is Vader, not until she meets him after, so she thinks he’s dead like the rest of the Jedi – and when she finds out what truly happened to him, she passes out (in Rebels; another terrific moment) because the pain is just too strong – the mixture of his known presence in the Force, and his new persona, that is torn from pain and suffering, feelings so intense and unknown to her she can’t understand them. It’s not her master, but it is undeniably Anakin. And he feels abandoned, he feels alone, he is guilty and sad and in constant pain, he is no longer there, not really, but then – he is. And the memory of what he once was, what he promised, everything he taught his padawan brings such pain for Ahsoka.
She may not think she is truly a Jedi, yet she is for me the only one of them I came to respect – she is never hypocritical, doesn’t leave anyone behind, not ever, and she fights for good, always for what she deems right, never feeling like she has to change for others, but in the end always blaming herself for their fate. She could never forgive herself for what happened to Anakin, and she can never forget her brothers, the clones, she suffers and grieves for every one of them, she knows their names, they were her whole world. And the only thing she had left, because they never judged and never tried to change her, they simply stood by her. Even when they had orders to kill her.
Rex and Order 66
Ahsoka’s master was gone from that moment on, and all she had left was Rex. The other main character, and I accept no objections to that statement. Rex is... the best one ever. He is, without any doubt, my favourite from this series. Putting aside my Ahsoka obsession, I didn’t expect to grow as attached to him as I did. Then again, I can’t separate them – for me, they are a team, the best one, and I don’t think I would have liked them as much had they not been the amazing pair they are. The connection between Rex and Ahsoka is what makes this series so different and so much better than the movies for me. It shows a level of true depth and caring that we haven’t really seen before – the type of platonic trust that few people find in their real lives. If I get to have just one friend that is as loyal, I don’t think I’d need anything more. Their story is so real, so touching and beautiful and sad – I think it is not only the best one in the series, but in the whole saga, and in any storyworld, really, for me personally. They meet a kid and a soldier, but they leave the war (or maybe the war leaves them) as equals, friends bound by experiences so unique and traumatic that they can never forget them, their bond can never be destroyed. They are soulmates, and they are forever. I don’t make the rules, sorry.
"Well, I've known no other way. Gives us clones all a mixed feeling about the war. Many people wish it had never happened, but without it, we wouldn't exist.”
Rex says this to Ahsoka moments before he is forced to execute Order 66 and it makes me shudder every time I hear it. Knowing what follows, knowing that the clones that have been created for war, are humans with so much more nuanced feelings that they let themselves express, that they fear the war ending as much as others might feel a war beginning is incredibly twisted. They are not machines, they are much more than that, they have feelings, and they have morals, and they are afraid. Rex has never doubted his loyalty to his commanders, and never gave any reason to be doubted – never hesitated, never showed anything less than immense courage and skill. But now he stands before the only person he’s never been able to deceive, and he voices for the first time what probably has been torturing him for a while – the knowledge that he is expendable, that his life might be over, and that this might be what he’s always fought for – the end of himself and his brothers. Victory and death, indeed.
Viewers have witnessed many a clone death, and these last episodes are the culmination of it all – from that point on, every favourite character is in danger. Of themselves. One thing that the series does marvellously is bring personality to so many seemingly identical characters – in the movies we never get any detail about their lives, their characteristics, even their looks – but now I could recognize Fives from Echo in a second; they might have the same features and the same voice, but they are not the same. They are brothers, forged by the same essence, they share the same blood and the same heart, but they are individuals with thoughts and passions so diverse it’s impossible not to notice, not to adore.
Rex is Ahsoka’s best friend, as she reassures him moments before everything went to hell. He is the man who stood and fought by her side, and who watched her grow up. Who, when faced with the order to kill her, removes and drops his helmet in a desperate try to fight Order 66 (perhaps unconsciously, as he is being mind-controlled), and so she could see his eyes, see his tears, his struggle, his shaking, and know that he had no choice, know that on some level, he is asking for help for the first time ever, the soldier he is – he removes his helmet so he could look her in the eyes, his best friend, his sister, his commander; and she knows.
She’d ran to him, when sensing there was something wrong – of course, Ahsoka would run to Rex, because he’s Rex, he’ll know exactly what to say and what to do, and maybe he could contact somebody who can fix this; this can’t be real, the war is almost over; she’s still a child after all, she can’t face this now, not alone, not without Rex. She’s never had to face anything without Rex, it’s just unimaginable – but she runs to him and in his eyes she sees someone who is not Rex at all, and suddenly all the men she trusted with her life more times than she can count, are not the men she knows, and they want to hurt her, and Rex wants to hurt her, even though it makes him suffer. She sees his tears; she feels in him what she never believed she would.
The parallels in their relationship are just amazing – one of their first interactions is when Rex says to her “good luck, kid” on their first ever mission together – and it shows just how much he already cares for her, how he understands that beneath all her witty remarks and wish to prove herself to her new master (and his soldiers!), she is still a kid thrown on a battlefield – an unnatural atmosphere for anyone, but especially for a young child with no experience whatsoever. From then on, they just keep getting closer and their friendship grows stronger until it reaches a point where they can understand each other without even speaking.
“Yeah, kid, I’m okay”, Rex says, moments after Ahsoka has removed his inhibitor chip and essentially saved both their lives, all while putting herself at a great risk, just because she cares and she can’t do this on her own. In this moment, in his eyes, she is again the kid he first saw, scared about her friend, trying to prove that she can do it all on her own – this parallel is so important to me; she has never been in such a situation alone before, because she’s always had Rex, and now she’d almost lost him, after just reuniting with him; when for a split second there was something in his eyes that she’d never seen before, the only thing that saved her was Anakin and Rex’s training (shown in Tales of the Jedi). Anakin taught her how to fight enemies much stronger than herself, her brothers taught her how to defend herself, not knowing that she’d ever have to, especially not against them. It’s truly heartbreaking.
“Ahsoka, it’s all of us” – just seconds after she has saved him, Rex looks her in the eyes and apologizes for almost doing the undoable, for almost killing her, for being okay when she almost wasn’t. How would he ever live with himself, knowing that he betrayed his best friend? The animation has developed so much by this point, that in this last episode, it’s almost like watching real people acting, at least that’s how I’ve always felt; it feels real, the emotion is just so intense and so palpable – especially with this being the first time Rex says her name. She is his friend, she is the only one who cared enough to save him, thus saving herself, proving again and again her loyalty, the thing they have most in common. They understand each other like no one else can, they have been through everything together, and now, in these crucial moments, they have both proven it – she never gave up on him, she trusted him enough to save him, and in return, he is ready to follow her anywhere and die protecting her. From his own men. Barely awake, he’d reached for his blasters, shooting his own brothers to protect her, not even fully conscious yet. They are equal, they have become one through the Force, and if it wasn’t clear before, it is now – they are sticking together to the very end, no matter what they must do, no matter how. They are forever. Loyalty means everything to the clones.
This and what follows on the bridge of the ship as it’s coming down, are my favourite scenes from the series.
“I hate to tell you this, but they don’t care! This ship is going down, and those soldiers, my brothers are willing to die and take you and me along with them!”
Even though it’s animated, even though you can’t see his face, and the only thing is his desperate voice, you can feel the devastation when Rex utters these words, touching his chest, as he says “brothers” – he has always cared for them, his family, and has mourned every single loss, but now, when there is no other choice, he knows protecting Ahsoka is the most important thing there is – the mind-controlled clones can’t tell apart their own from a traitor, so what’s the point?
There is always a right choice – and Ahsoka proves it, when she gently removes his helmet, only to show what everyone but also no one suspected – Rex is crying, he is afraid and in pain, and she is the only thing he cares about. He’s lost so much; he can’t lose her too. But she always has a plan, and she is probably the only one who cares about the clones as much as him; they don’t need to explain themselves; she doesn’t want to be the one who is responsible for so much death; there’s been too much already. They have lived a life of war, facing death and loss every single day, and enough is enough. She wants to live, but not at the cost of murder. There is no doubt in her voice when she says that.
Burying brothers
What follows is truly devastating to watch – Rex facing his brothers, as a traitor in their eyes, as some of them stand before him, still wearing their helmets with Ahsoka’s Togruta design on them, the colours of the 501st closely resembling her lekku. They’d painted their armour as soon as they knew Ahsoka was coming back to them and they were getting their commander, and little sister back, their best friend, the only one who cares enough to remember all their names, who never turned her back on them, even now, when they are against her, she still tries to save as many of them as possible; she’s been the one whose hand they’ve reached to when dying, their last memory on this world her face, her bright eyes, full of life and care, her presence calming them in the face of the inevitable, as she will have to do now as fell, at the very end.
How must it feel to lose everything you’ve fought and hoped for, in a span of hours? Palpatine’s plan is truly ingenious. The war might have ended, but only on the outside; a much larger, much more painful fight has begun, inside, for Rex and Ahsoka, who now have to navigate a life they haven’t ever considered; they may have wondered what life after the war might be like, but not like this, never like this; not as heroes, not even as fighters – as traitors in the eyes of their most beloved brothers and the new control of the Empire. But they choose to fight until the end, crashing down, falling with the cruiser together, hand in hand; the parallel of them hanging on to each other in the hanger is precisely mirroring the moment of Anakin and Obi-Wan trying to push each other away during their legendary fight on Mustafar, which is happening at the exact same time. But these two don’t let go, they simply cannot face losing each other, not now, not after all of this. They’ve fought for years, so many battles, losing track of what the fights are about – but this last one is clear; they are fighting for each other. And when they are the only survivors, they take to bury their brothers, and grieve the colossal loss side by side, silently watching, because there aren’t words to describe what they feel, and it’s not necessary, so they don’t speak. They know.
"I don’t want to bury any more of our brothers."
The devastation and sheer exasperation we hear in Rex’s voice when he says this much later, in The Bad Batch, when talking about the inhibitor chips nonetheless, is all we’ll ever need to know about him. Laying low after the end of the war, separating from Ahsoka, believed to be dead; in fact – being dead to the world in every sense, this is the choice he makes. He’s witnessed almost all his closest friends dying, he’s lost his general, he doesn’t have a purpose and a goal anymore; he has to deal with the realization that the war is over, but it ended at way too high a price, and he’s a soldier – he will fight every day, until the end, because it’s all he knows. He’s the most loyal soldier, survived Order 66 at the highest price there could ever be, and he can’t lose more. He wants to keep fighting, and he will, but not to lose. Rex doesn’t want to feel this awful feeling of loss, not ever again.
The same goes for Ahsoka – even though she quits the order and never officially finishes her training, the Jedi life is the only one she’s ever known, so her path even after leaving, after the war ends, and after she separates from Rex, is one lead by the code to a large extent, even if done so unconsciously. She claims to not be a Jedi when she faces her master as Vader in Rebels, wanting to avenge him; but she doesn’t end up doing it, she can’t possibly kill Anakin. So, she goes on, living in this middle ground – she is not truly a Jedi, but what else could she be? She has led her troops in many battles, fought by their side; even when they didn’t have to, they still called her commander, as loyal to her as ever; recognizing that she stood by them, even held them as they died.
When The Resolute crashes after Order 66, we are aware that her and Rex took every single one of their fallen brothers, buried them, and displayed their helmets, putting Jesse at the very front, the one who’d wanted to kill them the most at the end. But they know better, it was not him, not after literal moments before that he almost went insane from Maul’s questioning because he didn’t want to betray Ahsoka; he deserved a recognition, even in death. Every single one of them did, and Rex and Ahsoka gave it to them. She lets go now of her lightsaber, the Jedi weapon that bears her identity, and lays it to rest next to the fallen soldiers, because she doesn’t want to have any more connections to this war, there’s been enough fighting. She dies here too – for what it’s worth, she fell with the clones. I can’t imagine how traumatising and terrible it felt, pulling body after body out of the debris. For both of them.
Brother after brother.
***
No matter what I say, or how much I write, I don’t think I will ever be able to express properly what this world and this series in particular mean to me. Of course I love all things Star Wars, but The Clone Wars will always hold a very special and exceptional place among them. It is a unique feeling, one I cannot put a word on, it feels too big for me, as if there is some kind of a boundary that is at the verge of explosion, it’s holding so much emotion, and there isn’t enough space for it inside. Perhaps it’s the depth and the exploration of the clones, their relationships, the empathy their lives evoke – creatures bred for war, individuals barely recognized in life. But still human, as Rex and Ahsoka remind us of the entire time – especially when we see them watching the arranged helmets of their dead brothers – the clones have not been just pawns, they are people; people who died for a cause they couldn’t have any say in. Their lives were not their own; but Ahsoka’s life wasn’t her own either. This is the tragedy of The Clone Wars, but there’s also an ironic beauty about it – Ahsoka wouldn’t have had her master or her best friend, if it wasn’t for the war. It’s a story about the philosophy of choice, hope, good and evil of course, friendship and loyalty. Victory and its highest cost, death; the consequences after a life spent fighting, which no one usually thinks about.
When the final shot rolls and we see Vader’s ominous figure step on to the same place where Ahsoka and Rex were last, as he digs his apprentice’s lightsaber and holds it, we realize what the moral of the story is. We see Anakin’s eyes behind Vader’s mask, and we feel the cold he feels – he ended up alone after all, after all his trying, he had an army, he led troopers, he cared for an apprentice, but he lost them all. He won the war, but he would rather have died with his friends – who he doesn’t know are still alive, and they don’t know what happened to him either; instead of being their enemy. But the time for choosing is over, and there is no going back for him now.
His reflection hits the clone helmet, and we see the image of Anakin, walking away from Ahsoka and Rex.
It doesn’t end with the war; it begins with it.
#captain rex#star wars the clone wars#clone wars#the clone wars#commander wolffe#the bad batch#star wars#crosshair#sw tcw#tcw#star wars tcw#tcw rex#ahsoka tano#star wars ahsoka#ahsoka critical#anakin and ahsoka#rex and ahsoka#commander cody#arc trooper fives#fives#tcw fives#tbb echo#arc trooper echo#bad batch echo#clone trooper echo#anakin skywalker#star wars anakin#sw anakin#obi wan kenobi#tbb
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IWTB musings
I’ve always thought the alternate title for this movie should be “How Scully got her groove back…”
Although Mulder spends most of his time in isolation and it appears as if Scully is the more functional (working as a successful doctor), when it comes to going back to work for the FBI we see how broken she really was. Scully has closed herself off the extreme possibilities and pushes back hard against it- even calling it ‘looking into the darkness’. Given that she works as a medical doctor I have no doubt she’s seen her share of horrific situations, but unlike The X Files, she doesn’t have her Partner to sustain and support her. How much Scully misses that dynamic can’t be understated, and while the case might give her the idea to look into alternate treatments, it’s seeing Mulder’s relentlessness that spurs her to go against her colleagues and boss to push for this experimental treatment.
Scully’s jealousy of Dakota Whitney isn’t touched on enough but it is more than a pretty young Agent who looks up to Mulder, it’s that this woman has a willingness to believe without the fear of being hurt. I absolutely love that Mulder shaved his beard within minutes of Scully complaining in bed and pulls away when Dakota goes to touch his shaving injury in front of Scully. Scully being “too busy” to answer Mulder’s calls the next day were definitely due to a jealous pout. While I maintain Dakota’s death was bizarre and unnecessary, it serves as a painful reminder of all the allies, friends and family who lost their life during his pursuit for answers.
I personally love the Mulder and Scully argument they have in the hospital shower (plus Mulder’s familiarity with the hospital is enough to fuel hundreds of pre-IWTB fics). Mulder’s dream is to work with Scully again and he can’t understand why she isn’t into it. He doesn’t fight for her to stay, being with Mulder has always been her choice so he doesn’t attempt to make her stay. Fanfic note, Scully has another place to stay other the Unremarkable House. I’m guessing it’s a furnished apartment near the hospital that she used as a decoy for her primary residence while Mulder was still a fugitive. Also, her condo in the Revival looks exactly like an executive furnished apartment with zero personal touches, leading to my argument that Scully wasn’t out of the house that long. But I digress.
The final scene where Scully goes to the house with a thin excuse to discuss the case is really beautiful. Scully is terrified to perform this surgery and take another leap of faith and so she goes to Mulder (who is caught up by the injustice in the world). It takes Mulder a moment to realize what Scully needs, and the words “don’t give up” finally make him realize the weight of which she’d been struggling. After everything with William and the things she has seen, Scully had given up believing in herself, and that is what pushes Mulder to go after her. It is beautiful to see how Mulder is able to restore Scully’s faith in herself by virtue of his unwavering support. Also, Scully’s face lighting up at the mention of a vacation is such a married moment that always makes me laugh. While we never find out whether the surgery was a success or not, but I love seeing Scully’s confidence at the end as she begins to work.
I can understand why people have issues with the movie because it isn’t the Mulder and Scully dynamic that we love in the series. However, I think seeing a broken Scully struggling with herself and ultimately having Mulder as her touchstone to help her heal the long neglected wound shows us more than we got in the series.
#txf meta#IWTB#don’t give up#dana scully#fox mulder#the x files#txf#x files#I really love the movie#msr#We should of had more domestic moments in the movie dammit
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There's pretty much no way that there can be a future Kaylor narrative that doesn't involve them cheating on men with each other unless they choose the nuclear option and reveal the truth about absolutely everything.
Even all the way back in 2019 on the day that Taylor told us about the master's heist, there were people who worked for not only the US government but also the governments of different European countries making comments on their work Twitter accounts about how Scoot probably got the Carlyle Group on his side for the master's heist because Ch*rles K*shner has pull with the Carlyle Group and he probably wanted to make it happen as revenge against the woman that his youngest son's wife was cheating on him with, so I doubt those people will be quiet about it basically having always been common "knowledge" to people of certain social classes that Taylor is Karlie's "mistress" whenever the Kaylor reunion happens 😬
Also Karlie and Joshua have such a lack of chemistry that when Karlie went to the 2021 Met Gala with her friend the Carolina Herrera creative director Wes Gordon, who is very happily gay married to his husband, almost all of Twitter was convinced that *he* was Karlie's husband and not Joshua and when they learned that Wes wasn't Karlie's husband they just assumed that she was openly cheating on Joshua with him 😬
And another point is that most Swifties who are open-minded to the idea of Kaylor these days seem to assume that Taylor has cheated on every guy she's dated in the last ten years with Karlie and that Karlie is a bit of a rake that has both men and women crawling all over her at all times and no monogamous attachment to Joshua
So... yeah, Karlie's kinda been accidentally turned into the second coming of Cassanova by public opinion and there really doesn't seem like there will be any way of getting around it when the Kaylor reunion happens and Taylor writing all these songs about how everyone and their Mom lusts after Karlie and that Karlie left trails of women who still long for her touch before she and Taylor met isn't going to be much help convincing people otherwise 💀
Yeah I mean in one way, there should be a reckoning for Taylor—play stupid games win stupid prizes. I think her best bet would be to be truly honest—“I was constantly afraid and two stepping and because of that I allowed narratives to be planted that hurt those closest to me”
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fox has a panic attack during a thunderstorm, and bail and breha are there to comfort him
Fox tears awake with a scream, his back arching off the bed, fingers digging into the mattress, his back burning. Thunder still growls and grumbles overhead. He doubts they heard him.
Something moves suddenly at his side and he moves on instinct, rolling away, presenting his back to the thing and curling around the vulnerable parts of himself. His hands cover the back of his head, a feeble effort, but the only thing he can do. If they hit him there too many more times, the medics won't be able to do anything about the damage.
"What's the matter?" murmurs a soft voice.
His gaze meet Breha's in the hazy soft light of the moon. She looks half-asleep still, squinting against the light coming in through the window, no idea what's going on.
Kark, when something happens, she won't be awake enough to protect herself.
Lightning flashes and he flinches, a full-body shudder violent enough that the mattress trembles with him as a sob escapes his lips.
Breha sits up, turns away, fumbles with the lamp on the bedside table. It clicks on and casts a warm golden glow across the blankets.
"Oh, Fox."
She sounds so dismayed, and he curls tighter around himself.
"I'm sorry," he gasps out, not knowing what he's apologising for, only that it often makes the pain stop sooner. "I'm sorry, I'll be better-"
"Bail," she says instead. "Bail!" There's a rustle behind Fox. "Where did we put Fox's emergency medication?"
"Kriff, it's in his bag," Bail says, and there's a tug at the blankets over Fox's leg as Bail gets up in a hurry, rushing out to the foyer and barely stopping long enough to turn the light on.
Something crashes to the floor outside and Fox flinches again, begging anyone listening that it wasn't a shiny who did that. He can't protect them, not when he's broken like this. They're going to be punished, they're going to be hurt, and it's all because he's a failure, he's useless, he never should have let himself think otherwise-
Bail sits down on the bed next to her, where the light is, face gilded and grieving. The small plastic pouch in his hand is already open, the sensor inside blinking a slow orange.
"Fox, I need to touch the back of your neck," he says.
"No, Senator, please," Fox begs, already sick to his stomach with the knowledge that no begging will save him. It's not Bail, in that moment, it's just a faceless thing that grabs and pushes, and spares nothing in its quest to conquer him.
Bail sighs quietly, looking down at his lap. "You're going to have to move your hands."
Fox doesn't want to move his hands, but soldiers follow orders. He tucks them to his chest, every line of his body tensed in anticipation of another blow.
He whines deep in his throat when Bail leans over him, an instinctive reaction to terror that he can't hold back. It's Bail who flinches then, but his hand is cool and gentle on Fox's skin.
"I know," Bail whispers. "I'm sorry. Does it hurt?"
Lightning flashes again, and Fox is paralysed with fear. He chokes on nothing, gasping for breath, drowning on dry land, and worst of all, he hates himself for the look on Bail's face. Like Bail is watching something horrible happen to someone he loves.
It must be too much to bear, because Bail gets up. There's the sound of the curtains closing, but with the lamp there - with Breha there - the room doesn't seem much darker. Music starts from somewhere, the waltz that they first taught him to dance. It doesn't do anything to hide the thunder, but it's not the thunder that ever hurt him.
The medication in the patch works quickly, the sensor's colour changing to green as Fox's vital signs even out to normal.
"How do you feel?" Breha asks quietly.
He uncurls himself slowly, stiff with tension. There's a part of his brain that turns off in all the terror. That knows that with the patch, it could only have been ten minutes at the most, before calm returned.
It still felt like a thousand years.
He sits up slowly, fingers splayed across the mattress. The patches always make him feel a little dizzy - Bail and Breha will insist that he doesn't get up for another few minutes - but that's no price to pay. Without the patches, that would have lasted for hours.
"Thank you," he whispers, and with gratitude comes shame. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. I didn't mean to bother you."
"Fox Organa, I love you."
He's seen her in a professional capacity so many times, but for the rest of his life, Breha will never look more like a queen than she does then, in nothing but his shirt going down to her knees, her hair loose and messy around her face, her voice softer than silk and warmer than summer sun.
"I love you," she repeats, "and you will never be a burden to me."
"Or to me," Bail adds. He sets a hand on her shoulder, and she sets her own on top of it. His other hand, he holds out to Fox.
Fox clings to them instead, trying to lose what remains of him in the smell of Breha's hand lotion and Bail's shampoo. They say nothing until he turns his face to kiss Breha's cheek, then stands, unsteady on his feet, to lean into Bail and kiss him, too.
He sits back down and lets out a breath, reminding himself that he's safe here. Palpatine died years ago. Breha wrote clone rights into the planet's laws not long after. Bail oversaw the construction of this place. The lightning will never again touch his skin. Never, ever again.
"I'm better," he says finally. "Thank you." To prove it, he doesn't wait for them to ask. "I want to go back to bed with both of you here. I want you to touch the flowers."
They lay on either side of him, their breathing still a little more even than his. Breha leaves the lamp on. He's grateful for that. Their hands are gentle on his back.
Not the scars, he reminds himself, tucking his face into the oversized pillow that's somehow even softer than his sleep shirt. Not the scars. The flowers.
The palace medics had promised that the scars could be wiped away like they never existed. He'd thought about it, once. But those injuries had healed. The ones in his mind...
Foxgloves, Breha said, when he asked about the flowers almost as tall as he was, planted around the palace. He asked what they meant. Bail said that sometimes flowers don't have a meaning, they're just beautiful.
He had a foxglove tattooed along the length of his spine, over the scars from the lightning. To remind himself that sometimes things could be beautiful. To convince himself that when they look at his back, they're not looking at his scars.
Sometimes, when the bathroom mirror is fogged from the steam of a long shower, he can't see the scars in his reflection. He only sees the gentle lines of the blooms.
They'll fall asleep before he will. He won't mind staying awake to watch over them.
"I love you," he whispers.
They say it back in unison. He smiles a little at that. No matter what they do, they're always so sure of themselves. And when they saw him, when they wanted him, when they cherished him, they were so sure of that, too. It's the only thing he ever had any faith in.
As it turns out, they stay awake to watch over him, and they don't mind.
#bail/breha/fox#i love hurt/comfort#sticks' fics#also look at him that man has GOT to have anxiety sorry buddy it IS rough
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I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way but i recently reread the entire familiar au (its as amazing as always!) and its so impressive to see how far you have come as a writer especially compared to the new cult au its honestly pretty inspiring
Thank you! It's truly nice to hear that I've made progress. I mean, obviously - hopefully - I would have after all this time, but sometimes the improvement is hard to see when you're so close to it.
#answers#I've been tempted at times to just take down some of my really old stuff#Because I am very 😬 when I reread it#But I think it stands as a nice relic/testament to how I've grown as a writer#In that I only roll around in agony about 90% of the time reading current writing now as opposed 575% with the old stuff#It feels like I don't know what I'm doing at any given time#But presumably I've learned SOMETHING#And my writing is not The Worst™#Funny how the baseline changes as skill changes because it's hard to remember sometimes that yes#Skill has improved!!#I say as I stare at this document with severe doubts and worry and agony#Nothing like looking at a 5k doc and going 'yeah this is only halfway to the end at BEST'#There is so much more yet to complete#Also super nice to hear that the cult thing is good to read#It's got a lot more visuals than my usual so I'm pushing my comfort zone#I am Not A Visual Person so that takes some Effort#All of these tags have been very navelgazing so here's a fun fact#If *I* can get better at writing by doing it for a long time#YOU can do it TOO and BETTER#It just takes - again - a lot of writing to get there
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i feel like dick's "no-kill rule" could have so many different interpretations because of contrasting characterisations upon his many years of comics where people could argue that he has taken in bruce's "no-kill rule" for himself due to his intense loyalty to bruce but when it comes down to his own thoughts and feelings, he can, will, and has killed or that he also has his own deep devotion to that "no-kill rule" (because of his own backstory or because of bruce) and he would never kill, and both would be correct.
#dick grayson#i forgot who said it best but#i think bruce's no kill rule comes from his optimism of redemption#while dick's no-kill rule is out of his intense loyalty to bruce#but he has bent that enough or has shown enough doubt in it over the years that#while i think he does BELIEVE in it#there are some circumstances where he would#i mean bruce snaps and tries to kill someone and we get a 100pg hamlet esque monologue about the evils of killing#dick snaps and tries to kill someone and aside from joker and blockbuster he kind of goes about his day#i think people inherently focus in on his reactions to joker and blockbuster because apparently those are THE dick killing storylines#but i think about dick!bats when ollie is going on his sabbatical to kill the guy who ended up killing lian#and he's just like 'i get it'#also more dick!bats when he's like 'WE SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU A LONG TIME AGO' @ slade#or when he killed a man via lightning strike to save a baby without hesitation or angst#or when the wildebeests kidnapped the titans dick threw himself at them like I'LL KILL YOU#or when --#(yeah there's a lot)#now obviously in some parts this was out of a place of anger and grief#... but not dick killing a man via lightning strike#that was just 'you're about to kill a baby? gotcha' and BOOM#yes i've been trying to compile and make a meta about this for years#but i've been so lazy about it LMAO
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imagine playing a game for over a hundred hours and are super excited to see how the main character goes through with the sacrifices that have been hyped up on the second to last day, and you’re so ready to witness this horrific, emotional moment, and then the final cutscene is the general dude and the kid he forced to go to war posing like they’re taking prom pictures
#no shade to ipl but what the fuck 😭#block has NOT known clara long enough to be holding her like that#when me and my friend nox saw this at the end of my run we were fucking BAFFLED#it kinda comes across as creepy if i’m being real#i’m not saying that’s the intentions because i highly doubt it is#i think it could have been a tender gesture if block wasn’t actually pretty horrible to clara#like he isn’t rude to her but he DOES still use her#and also weirdly idolizes her#and forces her to go to war#i just don’t like block okay 😭#but anyone this shot STILL bewilders me i home it does not return in P2#pathologic#pathologic hd#pathologic classic hd#clara pathologic#clara the changeling#clara saburova#alexander block
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4.06 / 4.10
"and we will be your partners, in the fight to free [the new world]?"
#mayatalks#black sails#remember julius saying in 4.07 'nothing is lasting'? because i do#when silver is baffled by julius asking 'for how long' we know he's never asked himself that. how long will they go on fighting the world.#and flint and madi have probably never asked that either#there's no definable goal to reach with this war and so it could go on forever#but even if they decided on one it wouldn't have been realized because silver chose so out of doubt and uncertainty#when faced with this question he's faced with his doubt regarding the war yet again; this has been happening all season long#but there's another hidden meaning/foreshadowing that i love here which is:#when julius continues he explains he's referring to how long the separate camps would be allies#and it's a wonderful reminder of silver's alliance with flint and the question of how long it's going to last#and how much it's based on - to quote eleanor in 3.02 - mutual self-interest#hidden meanings aside i know we all know this but i love what they did with julius and he should've been a bigger character#from the moment we meet him it's clear that he's clever and wary and knows his principles#and his principles combined with his circumstances are so unique it's so good for the story i wishhhh we had more of him#what can i say? i love when stories are good
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I'm actually so concerned for the safety of all the non-Azagath-or-Nakasi members of the Kindred of the Coins, especially Belondor, since he was right there with them when everything went down. But Azagath clearly knows that Kholtekh and Harmelak have turned against him and Rothog seems really close with Harmelak so he's probably incriminated by association. Tathata might not be in hot water with Azagath but we did accidentally-on-purpose set an assassin on her. And come to think of it the PC is kind of indirectly responsible for Azagath realizing that most of the others don't like him too well either. LotRO's masterful writing struck once again, hinting throughout Umbar that most of the Kindred are not actually bad people but only fully explaining everything just in time for the player to realize how royally they've fucked them all over, whoops.
You bet my business in Umbar isn't done, I have to clean up this hot mess I've made. I will feel so guilty if they get hurt because of this.
#lotro#spoilers of umbar#like yeah throughout basically all of umbar the people are like 'the kindred of the coins are the Best'#but i mean idk for me at least the devs didnt even have to write in the doubts. they just naturally occurred#i was like 'okay but there werent many places to go that werent up from your previous situation'#and 'but theyre trying to start a war. they kidnapped a child. what is the song of waves and wind.'#but as various quests in the city proper played out i was like okay there has to be something else going on like#these people are not bad people. theres no way#the one member of the kindred that we knew for sure was a bad person was nakasi#and people didnt even talk about her that much. mostly they talked about tumuldo#which#huh#i mean obviously tumuldo was the more level headed of the two of them#and nakasi was driven by grief and a need for revenge after he died#but like. okay hear me out#did azagath set tumuldo up to be killed#like did he arrange that#or at least send him off to gondor in the hopes that he would be attacked there#because he knew an unhinged vengeful nakasi would be an ally he sorely needed when he unveiled his plan#for that matter how long had he been in contact with them? IDK if harmelak said anything about his history with them#but like. its very possible that he was grooming her for that specific reaction#not the kidnapping a child part. he clearly did not want the child#but the part where she wanted gondor destroyed and was willing to do anything to get it?#like he needed someone who would be okay with umbar going to war immediately after finally kicking all the haradrim out#idk wild theory but very plausible imo
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#i do not want to work tomorrow i want to lay in bed and be sad#i’m really realizing how miserable of a person i am i am always fucking Sad and when i do feel happy i cry when it’s over#and i can’t even resemble a human being without medication and i know that’s fine but i’m still always sad. it doesn’t go away#i feel like nobody deserves to have me weighing them down like i’ve cried in front of people three times this week and i know it’s fine#but i feel so fucking guilty about it and i feel guilty about everything i feel like i’m doing nothing right and i’m not dealing with thing#right and i’m not living right and i feel like it must be so fucking difficult to love me and i don’t know how people do it#i don’t even feel capable of asking for. any sort of love ever#i feel like i don’t deserve like anything. i feel like nobody actually wants to do things for me lol#every single dsy i’m like wow i want to be held and every single dsy i feel bad even asking for a hug from someone#when i need reassurance i’m afraid to ask because what if i’m just being annoying and overbearing and too much Bad#i never feel like too much good. only bad.#i know a lot of these shitty thoughts are just because i’ve been unmedicated (meds will be ready tomorrow lol) but it just like#it sucks to know medication just kinda hides these thoughts better and that deep down i feel like this because i don’t want to#i feel like everyone in my life doesn’t deserve someone who doubts everything all the time#i think my mother deserved a stronger daughter and i think my friends deserve someone that’s not always breaking and i just don’t feel Good#i don’t know why anyone keeps me around#sometimes i feel selfish for sticking around and that sounds so awful and i’m not gonna act on it but i just feel like a waste of a person#the last week has been so good and now i’m just a fucking mess and i feel so fucking guilty about that :)#i feel like no matter what i always just default to miserable#i don’t feel like i’m doing enough at all#i’m struggling in school i don’t work enough i can barely take care of myself#like i wouldn’t even properly take care of myself if taylor wasn’t helping me i feel so guilty about that all the time#i feel so guilty for even thinking any of this right now and i’m trying to remind myself that i’m unmedicated and i’ve had a long day#and my best fucking friend just went back home and i’m allowed to be sad about that but i just. feel like i’m making excuses i guess#it’s not immoral to be sad but maybe when i’m wanting to die all the time i’m the problem. idk#anyway i’m gonna go to sleep and i’m gonna try to convince myself tomorrow will be better#sndnsksjkakejdkalwosjhdkwosjdjsk. i will be fine
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