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pookha · 10 months

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Speed dating, slow burning

A Phineas and Ferb fanfiction. Rated T.

Doctor Doofenshmirtz/Flo from Progressive, Crack taken Seriously

Heinz thinks it's just going to be another disastrous night of speed dating, but he meets Flo and they start a whirlwind romance that takes them to different cities and takes each of them out of their self-doubt and into a new love.

This came about because my wife mentioned once that it would be funny because he was always mistaken for a pharmacist and Flo had commercials where she was mistaken for a baker.

The bell rang and the lady sitting across from Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz got up and moved to the next table. Heinz watched her depart and sighed. He knew neither of them would be marking the other as a match. A few seconds later, a dark-haired woman with a retro hairstyle tied back with a blue ribbon sat down across from him. Her white button up shirt had a nametag on it that read, ‘Flo’ and another button that read ‘I Love Insurance.’

“I’m Heinz,” he said and held out his hand. Flo smiled widely, showing very white straight teeth.

“Flo,” she said and took his hand. They shook briefly.

“So, you’re an evil scientist?” she asked with legitimate curiosity.

“ Ex- evil scientist: I’m just a scientist now.” He laughed.

“Oh, what made you change?” she asked.

“It’s a very long story that involves my nemesis, now my best friend, but we don’t have time for a long backstory now.” He waved his hand and some chorus dancers that had been lurking in the shadows of the bar moved back from the table to their hiding spaces. Flo didn’t notice them approaching or Heinz dismissing them.

“Most people think I’m a pharmacist,” he said and she smiled.

“Mara told me about you on the last break.” She pointed at a woman sitting at a table across from a handsome man.

“Huh, maybe she’ll hit it off with him; we didn’t vibe at all.” Heinz laughed again.

“Yeah, she’s a bit snarky and it’s not for everyone.”

“So, you sell insurance.”

“Yeah. Most people mistake me for a baker, especially when I have my apron on.” She grinned.

“Well, the button is a giveaway…also, Mara told me what she did and that you were with her.”

“What brings you to Danville?” he asked after a very short pause.

“We’re here for an insurance conference and then we’re going to film a commercial. I started off as a cashier at our virtual store and now I’m a spokesperson who goes from place to place and gives talks. I’m also in the television commercials.”

“It sounds lonely,” Heinz said before he thought.

“Sorry, I overstepped,” he said.

“Nah, it is,” she replied and thought for a second.

“It’s hard to make a connection when you’re always on the move. I think that’s why Mara and I came out tonight.” She sighed.

“How about you?” she asked.

“Well, I’m divorced and have a teenage daughter…I guess technically she’s an adult now, but she’s staying at home until she goes back to college this fall. I invent things and now I’m trying to invent time travel because my future self told me I will.”

He looked up at her, expecting to see doubt, but she looked interested.

“You don’t think that’s crazy?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“In just the three days we’ve been in the Tri-State Area, I’ve seen a giant robot attacking a cruise ship get stopped by a platypus wearing a hat and a mustachioed alien in a U.F.O talking to a couple of young men, so it seems like weird is just normal here.”

She put her hand over his on the table.

“You seem weird, but a good weird.”

“That platypus used to be my nemesis. Now we work together when we can. I helped him take down that robot. You think I’m bragging too much”

She shook her head and pointed at his watch.

“The platypus…”

“Perry the platypus,” he interrupted and she smiled again.

“The platypus had the same watch on when he tipped his hat to me after destroying the robot.”

The bell dinged. Her hand was still on his and it was warm. She squeezed it before she got up and moved to the next table. Heinz watched her make a mark on her card. He marked the ‘match’ square and then another woman sat down across from him. He turned his attention to her, but it didn’t go well. Neither did any of the other speed dates. He only had one ‘match’ marked on his card, but he doubted that Flo had matched with him.

The round ended and it was over. He turned in his card to the director. She consulted another card, smiled and said, “You’ve got a match this time, Heinz.” It was the first time he’d marked a match and had it reciprocated. The director pointed at Flo, who saw and waved at Heinz. Heinz’s heart beat a bit faster. He wiped his sweaty hands on his lab coat before he went to Flo.

“Heinz!” she said and hugged him. He returned it awkwardly, patting her back as he hugged her. She released him.

“So…” he paused.

“Let’s go out for dinner,” she said, taking his hand. “What’s good around here?”

“Have you ever had Drusselsteinian food?” he asked and she shook her head.

“Good, let’s not get any, I grew up eating it and it’s mostly awful.”

“Oh, you’re from Drusselstein?”

He nodded and noticed she was still holding his hand.

“There’s a nice Italian place around the corner that we won’t need reservations for. I eat there sometimes and it’s good.”

“Okay, I’m just going to let Mara know where I am.” She squeezed his hand and Heinz’s heart flip-flopped again. She went and talked to Mara for a moment. Mara eyed Heinz suspiciously, and he remembered his speed date with her. Flo laughed at something Mara said and Heinz discovered he already liked Flo’s laugh; it was warm and genuine. She left Mara and came back to Heinz. She took his hand again and he was happy that his hand wasn’t sweating like it usually did when he was on a date.

“Let’s go,” she said.

It was a warm summer evening, so neither of them needed a jacket. He led her out of the hotel bar and around the corner to a small restaurant with a sign over it that read ‘Gio’s authentic Italian cuisine.’ It was dark inside with the tables lit by candles in red jars. The whole place had a run-down 70’s vibe, but it smelled amazing.

“I know it’s not much to look at, but the food is good and the service is fine.”

The hostess at the front saw Heinz and said, “Table for two, Heinz?” She looked down at their still intertwined hands.

“Yes, please.” The hostess led them to a dark booth in the corner. Heinz chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” Flo asked, sitting across from him.

“This is the table where they like to put couples on dates. I’ve never sat here before.” He pointed at a two-top by the front window.

“I usually sit there. Sometimes Vanessa, my daughter, comes with me and we still sit at the small table by the window.”

The waitress sat down menus and water in front of them and they ordered. While they were waiting for their appetizers they made small talk about family. Heinz told her about his brother Roger, the mayor. He mentioned he’d always been jealous of Roger and how he had tried to keep taking over the Tri-State area, but had finally moved on with therapy. He thought he’d said too much, but Flo nodded.

“Therapy helps,” she said and told him about her sister and family and how no matter what she did, it never seemed to be enough, even after becoming semi-famous on television. Their food came and the conversation turned to food and drink, then back to each other as the meal progressed. Flo was a good listener and Heinz never felt like he went too far with his past, but he carefully didn’t mention much of his childhood in Drusselstein. The chorus dancers walked by outside, but he caught the leader’s eye in the window and waved them off subtly: no backstory song and dance today, don’t want to scare Flo off. They left with the leader making a ‘pay me’ motion with her hand and Heinz nodded.

“So, what’s up with the dancers?” Flo asked. Of course she’d noticed.

“They’re on retainer to provide back-up singing and dancing during my backstory song, but we don’t need that today.” He chuckled nervously and Flo put her hand on his again.

“It’s okay, I like you, you’re interesting. Do you sing a lot for backstory?”

“I used to, but it’s a lot less common now. I don’t know how or when my life became a musical.” He sighed and she squeezed his hand.

“Television life is weird and meta, too, so I get it. Sometimes I wonder how my life became what it is.” He squeezed her hand and she didn’t pull back.

The waitress brought Tiramisu for dessert and placed it between them.

“We didn’t order this,” Heinz said.

“It’s on the house, Heinz, you’re a good customer and a good tipper.” She grinned and he knew she was enjoying being a bit of a wingman.

“Thank you,” he said. The waitress put down two forks. Flo laughed when she saw.

“Do you mind sharing it?” she asked and he shook his head. She grabbed a fork and took a bite.

“It’s delicious.” She picked up another piece and offered it to Heinz on her fork. He leaned forward and took the bite off the fork.

“It is good,” he said. “My daughter likes it, but I usually get spumoni if I want dessert. At least somewhat because spumoni is fun to say. Spumoni! Spumoni!”

Flo laughed again, which jiggled the fork and she got a blob of whipped cream on her nose. Heinz held up a napkin for her and she took it and wiped it off.

They finished the tiramisu, one taking a bite then the other. They talked about some of the places they’d been in common and they both said how much they liked Seattle.

“It’s not just the coffee,” Flo joked and Heinz laughed.

“It’s also not rainy all the time, just mostly in the fall, winter and spring.”

“So 75% of the time,” Flo said and this time Heinz laughed.

“Where are you off to next?” he asked.

“San Francisco, then L.A. We’re going to film a commercial on location and then finish up on a soundstage.”

They finished their meal and the waitress let them talk for a long time before offering coffee, which they both declined.

“I’ve got to get up early for an interview before the conference tomorrow, then we’re going to the airport.”

“I can’t have coffee this late,” Heinz said.

They both reached for the check, but Heinz got it first.

“Split?” Flo offered.

“Nah, I’ve got it.” He pulled out a black Amex and paid.

“That’s invite only,” Flo said, nodding at the card.

“What? This?” Heinz said, baffled.

“Yeah, it’s like for the super-rich. Are you a billionaire?”

Heinz snorted, laughed, then snorted again.

“No, not a billionaire. I get some money from my inventions and some from the alimony from my ex.”

The waitress returned and he held the card out so Flo could see it. She took it curiously, then handed it back.

“Sorry, that makes it seem like I’m a gold-digger.”

“Nah, I didn’t get that, you just seemed curious.”

They left and as they reached the door, she took his hand again.

“If I were here another night, I’d say let’s go out tomorrow, but the best I can do is give you my number.”

He put her number in his phone and she did the same with his. He sent her a test text and it went through and she returned with a smiley face emoji.

“I’ve got to go to bed now, Heinz, but I had a good time.” She leaned forward and pecked his cheek. He reciprocated and thought he saw a small blush on her neck near the collar of her shirt.

“I had a good time, too. I hope to hear from you.” She squeezed his hand one last time and went around the corner back to her hotel.

Heinz touched his cheek where she’d kissed him and then slowly walked back to his building. He made sure to Venmo the dancers and gave them a large tip. When he got home, Vanessa popped her head out of her room.

“Hey, Dad, how’d it go tonight?” she asked in a slightly defeated voice. She knew how his dates usually went.

“Great!” he said. “I met a really nice woman named Flo and we exchanged numbers.”

His phone dinged and he looked at it.

I really did have a good time tonight. The best in a while. I’ll text you from SF 😘

He texted back quickly.

Looking forward to it.

He debated for a moment before adding an animated gif of the moon rising over the Golden Gate bridge.

He looked up from his phone and Vanessa had come completely out of her room.

“That was her texting me from her hotel. She said she had a good time, too and will text from San Francisco in the next few days.”

“Nice, dad. Glad you had a good time. I’ll be in here if you need me.” She started to pull her head back.

“Love you, sweetie,” Heinz said and she stuck her head back out.

“Love you, too, dad.”

Heinz went to bed and sat with his phone on his chest for a long time, just looking at the kissy-face emoji. He wanted to text Flo again, but decided it would seem too desperate.

Two days later he was working on a Time Dilator-inator with Norm when his phone buzzed. He sighed, expecting it was Major Monogram or Carl with some problem at OWCA, but it was a text from Flo.

Ugh, shooting delayed for two days. Now I have a whole day in SF, but no one to share it with. Wish you were here for a 2nd date.

Heinz texted back immediately.

I can be there in 30 if you want.

His heart thumped and Norm shouted, “Abnormal sinus rhythm detected!”

“Shut up Norm!” Heinz yelled back, watching the “…” of Flo typing.

“Just doing my job,” Norm said. Even with his robotic voice, Heinz could tell he was pouting.

“Sorry, Norm, it’s just Flo texting me.” She was still typing.

“It’s okay, sir, I’ll just stop telling you when your heart rate is abnormal.” Norm clunked away, tossing down a monkey-wrench petulantly. Heinz was watching Norm retreat and missed when Flo had texted back.

Are you in SF? Not in Danville? How can you be here so fast? Would love it if it were true.

Heinz took a photo of an inator in the corner and sent it with a message.

I invented a Teleport-inator a long time ago and it still works just fine. Give me your address and I can be there in 30

His phone rang. The caller ID said it was Flo.

“Heinz,” he said, answering.

“It’s Flo. You’re not joking?”

“Nope, I just need to clean up and I can be there as quick as quick can be.”

“I’m staying at the Omni International, room 1214. Look forward to seeing you.”

“I’ll be there soon. Want me to bring anything?”

“Nah, we’ll make a day of it.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

She hung up and he double-checked the Teleport-inator. It was still in good shape and it powered on when he plugged it in. He went and cleaned up and changed into jeans and a blue OWCA polo shirt that just had their non-acronym stitched over the pocket. He texted Vanessa that he was going to San Francisco and she texted back that she wanted some Ghirardelli chocolates. He laughed.

A few minutes later he stood in front of the inator. He triple-checked the coordinates, and pushed the button. There was a flash, he was disoriented for a moment and then he found himself in San Francisco. A passerby stopped and stared until Heinz walked away, then the man walked off at a quick pace, rubbing his eyes.

Heinz walked a block to the Omni International and went up to room 1214. He paused before knocking and checked his breath. He sighed, squared his shoulders and knocked. Flo’s voice came from inside.

“Just a moment!”

She opened the door a few seconds later. She looked different; she was wearing jeans and a Kelly Green shirt with a braided silver bead necklace. She wasn’t wearing her trademark red lipstick and her hair was covered with a blue kerchief. She must have noticed Heinz noticing.

“This is me without makeup,” she said. “Disappointed?”

“No, you’re lovely.”

“Aw, thanks. She pulled him into her room and hugged him.

“Seriously, you teleported here?” she asked as she broke the hug. She sat at the little chair in front of the desk.

“Sure, it’s pretty simple. Easier than time travel, anyway.” She laughed and he looked around the room. The hotel was nice, but not a luxury 5-star hotel.

“What would you like to do?” he asked and he sat on the bed.

She raised her eyebrow at him and he quickly stammered, “No-no, I wasn’t suggesting…hanky-panky. It was just a good place to sit.”

“Nah, just teasing you. I didn’t think you were implying that.” She tossed a pamphlet at him.

“How about Ghirardelli Square. It looks touristy and I don’t get to do touristy stuff much.”

“Oooh, perfect! Vanessa wanted me to pick up some Ghirardelli chocolate for her. I think she’s been here with a school group.”

“Cool, I’m ready now if you are, unless you’re tired from your flight.”

This time, he laughed and she laughed with him. He stood and so did she. She leaned past him to pick up her purse off the bed and he could smell her perfume. It reminded him of vanilla and summer peaches.

They took a cab down to Ghirardelli square and got out to walk. Even though it was summer, a stiff, cool breeze came in from the bay. They walked around looking at the shops and watched a mime for a moment until Heinz told Flo about the time he’d made a Mime-Inator and trapped all the mimes in the Tri-state area in invisible boxes.

“But, fortunately Perry the Platypus foiled me before I could trap everyone in invisible boxes. Man, I was a different person then.”

She took his hand, squeezed it and pulled him away from the mime.

“What made you change?” she asked.

Heinz paused in thought for a long time.

“I realized that I wasn’t doing anything useful or leaving a legacy that meant anything. I originally wanted my daughter, Vanessa, to follow in my footsteps and be evil, but I saw that she has a little bit of that evil and I could picture her becoming a megalomaniacal villain like I was trying to be and it just hit me that it was a waste. I started working with the group that always foiled me and after my penthouse was destroyed I lived with a very nice family that helped me change, too.”

“Is the group named OWCA?” she asked.

He blinked and she pointed at his shirt.

“Oh, yeah, but I didn’t tell you that, because it’s a secret organization.”

“So secret that they put their acronym on a shirt?”

Heinz smiled widely.

“They don’t have an acronym, they’re the Organization Without a Cool Acronym.”

Flo laughed so hard she had to pause and lean her head on Heinz. His chest burned where she leaned on him.

“No acronym,” she wheezed. “Oxymoron.”

She finally stopped laughing, but kept her head leaning on his side slightly as they walked the square hand in hand. They made small talk and he learned that she’d been in an improv troupe in college that had a big comedy star in it and she heard how he’d been raised by ocelots at one point.

“Ooo, let’s do that.” She pointed at an indoor miniature golf course.

“Okay,” Heinz agreed and they went in. It was fairly empty and they picked up their putters and balls. Heinz hit a hole in one on the first hole and Flo kissed him on the cheek in congratulations.

“Too much?” she asked.

“Nah,” Heinz said.

They played their round, stopping at the ‘turn’ for a corndog and a soda, then finished their round. Flo beat him by three strokes and she asked him if he let her.

“No way,” he said.

“I just thought maybe because you hit the hole in one on the first hole,” she said.

“I was just lucky, like when I sat down across from you.” Heinz smiled a genuine smile and he liked how he was smiling more now already.

They walked through all the shops and in one particularly touristy one, he crushed a penny in a machine that stamped the Golden Gate on it. He gave it to Flo and she put it in a pocket. She bought a glass paperweight that was slightly cloudy and said it contained ‘100% authentic San Francisco fog.’ She gave it to Heinz and he rubbed it on his shirt before he put it back in the bag. After a while, they went into a bar that was styled as an English pub.

They went to the bar and Flo ordered a Guinness and Heinz had a soda.

“Do you not drink?” she asked as they sat down at an open table.

“Very little,” he said. “I just don’t like it; it’s not some moral thing.”

“You don’t mind if I do?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“So, since I already know about OWCA and Perry the Platypus, can you tell me more about it?”

“Not anything more than they stop people who need stopping; I can’t give you any details. Sorry.” He wiped his brow.

“Is it warm in here?” he asked.

“Hmm, maybe a little.” Her foot bumped his leg under the table.

“Nope that made it hotter,” he said and she laughed, but pulled back her foot.

“Sorry,” she said and laughed again. Heinz noticed she was laughing a lot around him and he tried to remember if that was a good sign or not. He decided her smile definitely was.

“No need to be sorry. I just think it’s been a long time since I’ve been on a date with a beautiful woman and it wasn’t a disaster.”

“Oh?”

He told her about the time he’d invented boots that helped him square dance to impress a date and how it went wrong. She laughed at all the right spots. She told him about the time she went out with a movie star and figured out he was just trying to distract the paparazzi from his real date, who he met at the bar in the VIP section and left Flo on her own.

“Wow! Want me to hit that guy with my ugly-inator?” Heinz asked, half-seriously. Flo looked at his face carefully, trying to figure out if he meant it or not.

“No, please don’t. It seems like something you would have left behind.”

Heinz sighed.

“It is, but sometimes you still want to give people their just desserts.”

“I get that. I really do, but karma will catch up to him,” Flo said.

“Speaking of dessert, do you want to get dinner? It’s a bit early, but that corndog wasn’t really much.”

“Sure, I’ll go to the bar and see if they do table service.” She got up, went to talk to the bartender and came back a moment later with menus. She handed one to Heinz.

“Looks like it’s traditional British fare.”

“Oh, sorry,” Heinz said, and she laughed again.

“I like shepherd’s pie and they have a few American things, too.”

After they’d ordered their food (shepherd’s pie for Flo and a plain cheeseburger for Heinz) they talked easily until it arrived. Flo ate hers with gusto, taking the mash off each bite first, then eating the meat and veggies under it next. Heinz picked at his burger and fries.

“Not good?” Flo asked.

“Just nervous still, I think.” He sighed.

“I always think I’m going to do or say something to wreck it. I guess it’s a type of impostor syndrome where I don’t think I deserve good things like a nice date with a beautiful woman who laughs at my jokes and thinks I’m okay.”

She put her hand over his again.

“If it helps, think of it as karma for trying to change. I feel it, too. It’s hard for me to get along with the sort of men I meet where it seems like they always just want a quick bang and then they know I’ll be moving on. I want more, but being on the move is hard. You having a teleporter makes it easier. Also, you don’t seem like you just want to get in my pants.”

“I mean, I do want that, maybe, but not until we get to know each other more. I’m just not wired to sleep together on the first or second date,” Heinz said. He turned his hand upright in hers and squeezed it.

“See that’s nice. It’s a nice change.” She returned the squeeze and they finished their meal. The talk was lighter now, avoiding hard topics. Heinz actually finished all his fries and most of his burger. There was hardly a drip of gravy left in Flo’s bowl.

Heinz started to pay, but Flo insisted on getting the tab this time.

“I have money, too.”

He half-bowed to her.

“Thank you.”

As they walked out back into the square, the red sun over the bay was still fairly high. Heinz’s watch beeped and he looked at it, then excused himself for a moment. He walked a short distance away, but Flo could still hear him.

“Yes, I’m in San Francisco. No, I’m on a date. Yes, a date. I’ll be back later tonight.”

He paused and listened

“I used one of my old inators to teleport here.”

He listened again and laughed.

“I’ll tell her. See you later, Carl.”

He walked back to Flo.

“Work?” she asked.

“Yeah, they need me to look at something that may have been made by an evil scientist and see what it was part of.” He glanced at his watch again.

“Do you need to leave right away?”

He shook his head.

“Let’s get your daughter her chocolate then, in case you have to leave suddenly.” She took his hand and guided him to the chocolate shop.

“They don’t manufacture it here any more, do they?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“No, it’s all made somewhere else now, but they still have their premier storefront here.”

They shopped the store together and took a few samples from the salesperson. Heinz bought two packages of sea salt dark chocolate caramels and one of solid milk chocolates. Flo bought mint filled dark chocolates.

They went to sit on a bench in the shade and he gave Flo the extra bag of sea salt chocolate.

“For me?” she asked and he nodded.

“Thank you.”

They shared some chocolate on the bench and she leaned her head on his shoulder. His watch made a noise again, but he didn’t look at it.

“Work again?”

“No, it was my health monitor.” He laughed, then shifted so she could see the face of the watch.

Abnormal sinus rhythm detected, sir. Yes, I know, shut up.

She laughed, then lifted her head off his shoulder and he turned to look at her. She lifted her head slightly and their lips met. Her hand slid behind his head when he tried to pull back and he relaxed into the kiss. Her lips were salty from the chocolate, and so warm. The kiss lasted for only a few seconds. His watch made a noise again and he started to laugh.

“You make my heart thump,” he said. She took his hand and put it over her breast and he could feel her heart beating fast, too.

“Ditto,” she said.

“I had a good time today,” she said standing. She helped Heinz up.

“Me too.” He leaned in for a kiss this time and she returned it. It was a kiss that promised more in the future.

“I do have to go. I’ll text you tomorrow?”

She smiled.

“Text me tonight and tomorrow.”

“I will. Stand back a few feet.”

She stepped back and he touched his watch. Not even a second later he disappeared with a small pop of displaced air and a smell of ozone.

Her phone dinged.

Safe at home

She texted back.

Glad to hear it. I’ll think of you later while I’m eating this chocolate.

She took a cab back to her hotel and later sat in her bath with a book and the chocolates. She did think of Heinz while she was eating them and wished he was there.

At the same time, Heinz was at OWCA headquarters looking at a robot’s head that Perry had torn off.

“Yep, it’s Rodney’s work all right. I’ll make you a targeted EMP device that should only take out his electronics since he uses his own bespoke components.”

He worked on it for several hours and then took a break. He texted Flo.

Late night. Sorry if you’re already asleep. Texting like I promised. Hope to see you sometime soon. XOXO

She didn’t respond and when Heinz looked at the time, he realized it was 2am on the west coast. He sighed and went back to work. Carl brought him a coffee.

They texted and facetimed a few times over the next two weeks. Flo was always busy, on the move from city to city, sometimes filming, sometimes presenting at a conference. Heinz helped foil Rodney’s plans and then went to Paris to help rebuild a bit of a superconducting supercomputer there that had been damaged by an alien attack. When he was done, Heinz took a photo of the Eiffel Tower.

Next time I’m here, I want to take you to the top of the tower. The view of Paris is incredible.

She texted him photos of the Space Needle and the Gateway Arch and said she wanted him there.

Finally, almost a month later they met up again in Chicago. They took in a Cubs game at Wrigley and then went to the museum of Science and Industry. He took her on the coal mine tour there. That night, the goodbye kiss outside her hotel room lingered. Heinz could tell she was considering inviting him in.

“Tell you what,” he said. “Tell you what, tell you what, next time you have some free time, I’ll teleport you to Danville and you can see my place and meet my daughter.”

She blinked, then laughed.

“I like that. I think I might be falling in love with you, Heinz. It’s a weird, teenagery feeling that I thought I’d left behind. It’s fluttery and strange and I like it very much.”

She leaned forward and kissed him deeply. He pushed her up against the door of her hotel room and her hand moved lower on his back.

“I like it, too,” he said when he pulled away finally after an age.

She squeezed his hands as she went into her room. He let the door close before he teleported away.

Just a few days later, she texted him and he teleported her to his penthouse. He was ready with the paper bag when she popped in, but she didn’t barf like most people did when they teleported for the first time.

She immediatey noticed the large, man-shaped robot hovering over Heinz.

“Glad to meet you!” it bellowed.

“Glad to meet you, Norm,” she said.

Norm stumped off, humming to himself.

Heinz showed her around his workroom, pointing out various inators that were old or new, broken or working. On his desk, in a place of honor, she saw a photo of Heinz in his lab coat with his arm around a teal platypus with a hat. She didn’t know how she knew, but she could tell the platypus was smiling. She noticed a photo of her outside Wrigley field next to Perry’s photo.

A young woman dressed in black came out of a room, did a double-take when she saw Flo and introduced herself.

“I’m Vanessa,” she said.

“Flo.” She released Vanessa’s hand.

“I’m going out tonight with friends. I’ll be back late.” Vanessa hugged Heinz and left.

“She seems nice,” Flo said.

“But not too nice,” Heinz added, then sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Flo asked, putting her arm through his.

“She’s in love with someone, but it’s complicated because he’s a lot younger.”

“Ah,” Flo said, not knowing what to say.

“The age gap won’t seem weird in a few years and she’s being mature about it, but I can tell it’s hard for her.”

“Sorry.”

He waved it off.

“My problem…and Vanessa’s. We’ll get through it.”

He showed her the rest of his penthouse. Norm made them a homemade tapas meal with lots of choices of small dishes.

“Now, you’ll get the only part of Drusselsteinian food that’s any good: the Doonkelberry pie!” Heinz took a cloche from over a pie. A bat flew out of the rafters and tried to grab it, but Norm was too fast with a net.

“It smells amazing, and it’s still warm.” Flo took the slice proffered by Heinz.

“Norm makes a good pie, almost as good as Lindana’s.” Heinz laughed and served himself a slice. He closed the cloche as another bat made a dive at it. Norm caught it with the net, too.

“Are the bats normal?” Flo asked and Heinz smiled.

“They love the berries. I don’t know where they hide-”

“Wait. Did you mean Lindana, the pop star?” Flo interrupted him.

He told her about his date with Lindana and how she lived as a house-wife in the Tri-State area now. He told her that her stepson was the one that Vanessa had a thing for.

“Never thought you’d be one to date a pop star,” she said around a bite of pie.

“Yeah, it was a disaster. I was a bad person then.” They finished the pie and went into the living room to watch a movie, but missed almost all of it making out like teenagers. Norm came in at one point and then left immediately when he saw them on the couch. The movie ended and neither of them got up. Heinz’s watch dinged and they both jumped.

“Work?” she asked.

“No, bedtime.” He answered.

“Want to come with me?” he asked as he stood.

“I’ve wanted that for a while now,” she said and took his hand as she stood.

They walked off slowly to his bedroom and didn’t come out until late the next morning.

Two months later, Heinz made good his promise and took her to the top of the Eiffel Tower. A month later to the top of the CN tower in Toronto and then deep into Carlsbad Caverns.

One year to the day after their first date they sat in the same Italian restaurant and when the tiramisu came out there was a velvet box on it. Flo didn’t even open it before she said yes.

#fanfiction #phineas and ferb #doctor doofenshmirtz #crack taken seriously #flo from progressive

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wgc-productions · 9 months

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The Magnus Archives 4- Page Turner

I think it's been a week since the last one of these. That is mostly because I was preparing for the season 2 premiere of my own show, Small Victories, and that took up quite a bit of time, wouldn't you know it.

But now I'm back and ready to bite into a new (to me), delightful, and hopefully scary episode of TMA.

00:00- Skipping the ads

00:30- I lied, I actually am listening to this ad for an actual play podcast. I want to, eventually, produce an actual ply podcast because people get a heck of a kick out of it, I have friends who love D&D and I think it'd be fun to make a show they'd really enjoy, but I don't really "get it" so I'm looking for ones to listen to. Recommend any if you have them.

01:21- Oh, we just jumped right in. Usually there are 3 minutes of ads.

01:39- I love an orchestral score. It sounds so polished. I just love scores.

02:00- I think in the winter of 2012 I was studying for the FCATS (a deep cut for all you folks who aren't from Florida)

03:14- I think, as a rule, all weird things should happen to actors because I feel they are more equipped to handle the strange than Paul the accountant from Danville, IL, you know what I mean?

04:18- Oh, it's bound in human skin. Calling it!

05:18- All Latin? I bet he wished he joined the priest hood (or was a Classics major).

05:55- Oh, buddy boy there are plenty of people who buy books with no intention of reading them.

06:47- Oh no! He sounds like me!

08:11- Oh, he's a Shakespeare boy. I wonder which role he was.

12:08- Okay, I'm genuinely curious as to what exactly is the books deal. They've got me. A magical/cursed book is what really scratches me. Maybe it's because I know that I ~as a writer~ would probably get pulled in the same way.

13:06- A cursed book that pushes you to madness feels perfectly Grecian. Or at least a little Arthurian.

16:30- I don't know if it's because I'm actually quite tired, but the narration is so soothing. I feel like I'm about to flutter off to dream land. This would be great for bedtime stories (excluding, of course, the vague atmosphere of eeking horror)

21:55- Don't answer the door!

22:00- NEVER ANSWER THE DOOR!

22:15- Oh, he's a goner.

22:23- Okay, so personal hygiene isn't high on the list, but that's not necessarily terrifying.

22:52- Yeah, sell that book. Just sell it and mind your business like that bloke with he coffin in his apartment. Get rid of it and mind your business.

25:04- Woah, this feels way longer than the other episodes. I think the extra time does the stories well.

25:33- I wonder what they used to give the underscoring that spooky wind tone. Does anyone know?

26:03- Light that poppet on fire! Get rid of it!

27:02- Honestly, I kind of love Johnathan the pissed off archivist. You pissed him off Gertrude! Prepare for his wrath!

28:51- I feel like Jared will make him self known again further along.

29:00- Okay, I am proper curious about how these things all run together and also if the creators knew beforehand how this was going to go or if it was more organic.

I think "Do Not Open" is still my favorite one out of the bunch so far. I think that scenario was much more chilling to me than the others, but I will say this piqued my curiosity which is a fun time.

#tma #the magnus archives #wgc liveblog #liveblog #audio fiction #fiction podcast #audio drama #Spotify

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brodyd0ll · 11 months

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Andy Granelli Interview

In 2001 you ended up joining The Distillers. Did you already know Brody Dalle at that point? And did you ever imagine that they would be the band you’d still be playing with this many years later?

In joining Hellcat, and with The Distillers on Hellcat, Brody and Tim… I met Brody at the Danville Grange in like 2000 and we hit it off immediately. Just like Tim Presley and I, we just became friends. Hearing she had a band, and with Eric’s friendship with Tim Armstrong, it was like “of course we want your wife’s band to play with us, let’s do this.”

Kim, Matt and Brody were rad. They were always great friends and good people to us. Kim Chi and I, and Tim—we all became good friends. And Brody and Rose! Rose lived with Brody at the time and it just became a fast friendship. Brody is a great artist and song writer, and creative and has a killer voice. She’s Brody, she’s always been Brody. I immediately fell in love with the band, I just loved the whole thing. Nerve Agents and Distillers played together quite a lot.

Yeah, I’ve seen quite a few fliers for sure. Then at some point you kind of get asked into the band I take it?

Well, in Distillers folklore... Brody got into some hot water with partying on tour, she wasn’t supposed to. She got taken off tour and she was like “fuck it, I can’t do this. I’m not doing the band. I’m breaking up The Distillers.” This was with Kim and Matt. But in December of 2000 Brody also had a tour with Rancid and AFI coming up which was going to be the biggest tour of the winter. Tour of the year in punk rock at the time.

Brody had just gone through this deal with her old band on a tour, kind of a bad time, with Kim and Matt who are older than her. Matt was about 15 years older than her and had a family, and Kim Chi was like 10 or 15 years older than Brody too so she always felt like this little kid. She wanted to not do [the band], but she also had this tour. We were talking one night, her and I, and Nerve Agents had just turned down a winter tour.

We were supposed to go do Warped Tour Canada or some shit like that. Eric, Tim, and Dante all had to work. Tim had school. We couldn’t do it and I was mad. I wanted to fucking tour, you know! So I was like “I’m gonna take a tour with Brody.” So we were talking this one night and I was like “well, I’ll do it. I know your songs.” And Brody said “let me think about it.” We ended up working it out, I did the tour and I asked Dante to do it with us.

That’s what I thought! I remember for a hot second he played with The Distillers as well. I think because he sort of has a similar vibe to Ryan I was a little hazy. With internet memories you get a little like “was that him in that photo? Or was that a different person?”

Dante definitely influenced a lot of people at the time. He just looks like the guy from The Cramps t-shirt [laughs].

Exactly!

But it was badass, he pulled it out. So yeah, then we did the tour, we came home and it got weird between me and [The Nerve Agents], Brody and I being friends. I have my own desires and the other guys were in work and school and I wasn’t. If there’s one thing that I do regret it’s that there was no reason we couldn’t have just done it all. There became these finalities like “you can’t do two bands at once!”

Looking back, it seems like a lot of bands could’ve co-existed if they had just said “alright, in a couple months we’ll just reconvene.” But at the time you feel like that’s not possible, the drive kind of dies out.

Yeah, and for me, I put such high value on work that I needed to work. I needed to work to live, to pay my rent and eat, but also to validate my life! So if I wasn’t working, if I was sitting around waiting for whatever, what am I doing? I’m not living, I’m dying. It’s like atrophy. With Brody and I, I saw no difference in friendship with me and Brody, me and Tim, me and Eric. It just became an equation of need.

She needed me, and I needed her. We needed each other very much, and did [the band]. Unfortunately, it kind of became a point of bad feelings between me and Eric for a little bit, but time heals all wounds and I think he understands. I hope he understands. It’s a different situation.

#the distillers #brody dalle #distillers #andy granelli

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looney-mooney · 2 years

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Also, um, Hit Monkey Spoilers, go watch Hit Monkey because it’s great and the stuff I’m about to talk about ruins a really great moment if you’re waiting for it to happen, but.

I really hope Hit Monkey gets another season and that in this second season we’ll get to meet ghost guy’s daughter, ex wife, and also that man he fell in love with that he mentioned. I mean, he said that he doesn’t go a single day without thinking about the man he fell in love with. And like. I’m not SURPRISED that he’s bi, he’s got total disaster bisexual vibes, but I don’t want that to be forgotten. I wanna know how that happened, how they met, what he’s LIKE.

I also want to know the consequences of ghost guy not reading that fucking contract. Like, the lawyer’s granddaughter in me was screaming when he said he didn’t read the contract, like, at the VERY LEAST you gotta skim that shit. Though I guess that just makes it more fun.

Oh! And I can’t WAIT to see Akiko’s Lady Bullseye! I want her and Monkey to have, like, a RIVALRY. Just IMAGINE the BANTER, Oh my GOD it’s gonna be AMAZING. Even if she still doesn’t understand Monkey’s language which … okay tangent time, but it seems like Monkey’s language is not actually that difficult to pick up? Like, Ghost Guy I can forgive because he’s spending 24/7 with this monkey as the only person who can interact with him for weeks, and he also spent a good deal of time with the monkey tribe before that, so I can see him learning the language via immersion. But Police lady? She’s gotta have an affinity for languages on par with Hit Monkey’s affinity for murder and badassery. Like, what the fuck. Although I guess she did learn Japanese, which I can say from personal experience is hard as SHIT, and also probably English, which is my native tongue but still confusing as fuck, so maybe Monkeys language is just really easy to learn in comparison. Anyway. Monkiko ftw I guess?? Though I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of a grown-ass woman being attracted to an actual fucking monkey that way. Don’t get me wrong Monkey’s crush on her is fucking ADORABLE and I LOVE their dynamic, but uh. It has the potential to get weird? Maybe I should start headcanoning Monkey and Akiko as asexual? Or something??? Or maybe I should just hope they can just be good frienemies or something lol.

But yeah no if the Monkey gets to have his weird heterosexual furry bait relationship with his badass gf, then ghost guy should be allowed to see the man he fell in love with.

Oh fuck I just remembered that Phineas and Ferb is technically part of the Marvel Universe. There’s a precedent for this. Haha holy shit imagine Monkey ending up in Danville and Akiko/Lady Bullseye following him and them ending up fighting in front of Perryshmirtz and them going like “awww, remember when we were like that? Memories. Anyway good luck with the nemesis relationship we wish you guys all the best” and Monkey and Akiko just going like “??? Da fuck???” Haha I might have to make a mini comic like that. Anyway.

Watch Hit Monkey

#hit monkey #looney mooney rants #hit monkey spoilers #long post #the adhd is strong today

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cock-tastrophe · 2 years

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justice for jelani day

Jelani Day was a 25 year old graduate student from ISU. He was an astounding student in his program. He wanted to become a doctor. Jelani Day was suppose to meet his program director and talk about coursework in the morning. He never arrived. He was last seen alive August 24, 2021 at a cannabis dispensary in Bloomington, Illinois. Two days later, his car was found in Peru, IL, in a wooded area.

The license plates were removed and his mother said that he did not know the area. Jelani was from Danville, which is a 2 hour and 15 minute drive from Peru. Peru is a hour away from ISU.

On September 4, 2021, police found a floating body near the South bank of the Illinois River, next to Peru. They later identified the body as Jelani’s. The coroner ruled the death was caused by drowning. The coroner said there was no evidence of injury, such as manual strangulation, drug intoxication, blunt force, and etc. Jelani’s body was 2 miles away from his car.

However, the coroner did not provide any answers. Jelani’s license plates were removed, which was a weird part of case. Jelani’s body had no shorts, socks, or shoes. Jelani’s clothing, car, wallet, phone, and body were found in separate locations. If somebody really wanted to commit suicide (or drown) would they really go through the trouble of hiding their items?

Also, Jelani was an avid swimmer. He was on his high school swim team. He had no previous issues of depression or suicide.

Remember, Jelani was a graduate student. He wanted to be a doctor and had good grades. It showed that he was driven and had a career for himself. So why would he commit suicide or even think to go in waters like that?

What do I think?

Oh yeah. Definitely foul play. A graduate student, he had a career. It didn’t even make sense too why his belongings were scattered…It just doesn’t sit right.

I don’t know what the fuck the coroner was talking about…

But this case hits to home because I knew people from Peru. And I’ll tell you it’s a super white neighborhood, farmville, hickey, and racist. I’ve been to Peru before. Also, I am close to ISU and a bunch of kids from my high school went there.

They just found his phone so I hope that gives answers or it might make more of a mystery. All I know is he was definitely murdered. Poor boy looked happy, full of life, and optimistic.

Rest easy Jelani. I hope you get the justice you deserve

#justiceforjelani #jelani day #true crime community #true crime #missing #foul play #crime #murder #truecrime #tcc #isu #homicide

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woulddieforperrytheplatypus · 3 years

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I've been rewatching all the Loki content to get ready for the new show and I have thought of A Phineas and Ferb AU™ for your viewing pleasure (and if anyone wants to turn any part of this into an actual fanfic I would owe you my life)

this post was brought to you in partnership with @dumbausfromdanville

You know how the first Thor movie ends with Loki yeeting himself off the Bifrost and falling to earth? What if, instead of going after the Tesseract, he falls straight to the Tri-State area?

Jane, Darcy, and Selvig all seemed to be on vacation, right? So Thor presumably took place during the summer — say, perhaps, ending on June 3? So he falls right onto Phineas and Ferb's rollercoaster just before it goes down that ♫ three-mile drop straight down ♪. He has no idea wtf is happening so it's not like he gets the chance to sit down and put on a seatbelt, so he's stuck holding on for dear life for the entire rollercoaster ride which Phineas and Ferb find weird but they're not really concerned bc they're chill lil dudes and tbh this isn't too far off a normal day for them.

Phineas and Loki strike up a none-too-pleasant conversation (not that Phineas notices Loki's bad mood; he's too Him to realize not everyone is rainbows and sunshine all day, every day), and our favorite lil disoriented demigod has to figure out where the fuck he is now ("You there. What realm is this?" "Danville 🙂" "Wut da fuk?") and what the fuck he's supposed to do now that he's here.

Phineas ends up inviting him to hang out for the afternoon, and Loki is about to turn him down but then he smells the pie. He's never had doonkleberry pie before so obviously he has to try it. Then, when Loki's no longer hangry, they can hold an actual conversation. It's lowkey more Loki wallowing in his own self-pity than anything else, but Ferb recognizes Asgard when Loki mentions it so he and Phineas piece together that he's a god pretty quickly.

More importantly, though, they figure out that he's completely alone, and because Loki never mentions trying to, you know, murder his brother and lowkey overthrow the monarchy, they just kinda assume Loki's family sucks (Ferb is completely prepared to start the anti-Thor club but Phineas stops him because he doesn't want his brother to get struck by lightning) and adopt him (without his consent, but it's not like he has anywhere else to be -- and he did like that pie).

Loki has no desire to build anything with the boys He thinks the idea of a backyard beach they make the next morning is stupid — even more stupid than a regular beach, and that's saying something. But over time, he gets more involved -- not just with the boys, but with the entire family. He helps the boys build their inventions. He talks about human history with Lawrence and corrects much of his knowledge on mythology. He lets Linda teach him how to bake seriously, her pies are so good. He even suffers through Candace's mall trips as long as he gets to go to that fro-yo place on the second floor (though he draws the line at any conversation involving romance).

He's still a little skeptical of the platypus (and he feels like the platypus is a little skeptical of him, too) but Phineas insists that he's "just a platypus" and he "doesn't do much." Loki doesn't realize that Perry's keeping an eye on him for OWCA, nor does he know that Monogram has absolutely no idea what to make of the dude so he hasn't actually told any of his superiors about him. As far as the government is concerned, after the fiasco in New Mexico, Loki just disappeared.

This makes it fucking hilarious when the boys accidentally steal the superheroes' powers in Mission: Marvel and the superheroes show up at the Flynn-Fletchers' front door only to see fucking Loki. Loki just shuts the door in their faces without a word because what the fuck?, but eventually Phineas and Ferb go check the door and they agree to help the heroes (much to Loki's chagrin), which, of course, isn't complete with Candace fangirling over them (also much to Loki's chagrin; she never fangirled over him). At first the Avengers are fully convinced that Loki is responsible for stealing their powers, and Loki never actually denies it because he's a little shit but Phineas, Ferb, and their friends are very insistent that Loki didn't do anything (except a little bit of manual labor putting together the satellites because they're 10 and he's a whole-ass demigod).

At some point, Thor and Loki have a very heated discussion about the events of Thor, and it's pretty much all news to the Flynn-Fletchers and their friends. They're not really sure what to make of it so they basically glue their mouths shut and watch it all play out. I'd like to think it goes something like it does in The Avengers and that a) Thor is pissed because what the fuck have you been up to Loki you fucking dumbass, b) Thor has been in mourning since Loki yeeted himself into the abyss and he wants to make sure the guy knows it, and c) Loki does not take it seriously at all he's being antagonistic the entire time because he is so sick of Mr. High-And-Mighty's shit. In the end, Loki storms out of the SHEDquarters and Phineas doesn't even think to try to stop him until he's halfway out the door and it's too late.

He shows up again when Phineas, Ferb, and the Avengers try to fight the bad guys in the mall with the wrong powers and he basically singlehandedly saves their asses until superhero Perry shows up. As everyone's favorite shapeshifter, he has absolutely no problem figuring out that this beaver duck dude is the Flynn-Fletchers' platypus. He has no idea what to do with that information, but it sure is information that he now has apparently. (At this point, poor Loki has a very warped sense of what earth is supposed to be like lmao).

Phineas tries to get Loki to come back with them after superhero Perry grabs them and carries them home. Instead, Loki cuts himself loose and falls like 30 feet straight down (and tbh after falling from the Bifrost, that's nothing to him) and peaces the fuck out.

Loki ends up accidentally bonding with Candace and Isabella over feeling useless and unwanted (and he absolutely gets his own verse in Only Trying to Help because it's what he deserves), but unlike the two girls who are hell-bent on changing that, Loki is content wallowing in his own self-pity. He's tried this whole "being important" thing before and he ended up in self-exile for it. He's not putting himself through it again because he really doesn't expect it to end well. But then the powerless heroes decide to face the villains again, and with Candace and Isabella in space and Perry nowhere to be seen, he realizes it is once again up to him to keep the tri-state area safe (which he knows is a stupid priority but he's gotten kind of attached to these stupid little humans and he wants to keep them safe).

Then the heroes get their powers back and they join Loki (and Perry and the mysterious waffle gun in the sky) and beat the shit out of the villains. Thor and Loki work together in the heat of the battle which serves as a Great Bonding Moment™, and once the villains are gone, they have a nice lil heart-to-heart where they both apologize for their past. Thor remarks that Loki seems to have grown a lot over the last couple of months and tries to bring Loki home with him, but Loki refuses. He'll never be welcome back into Asgard, no matter what Thor may say.

But he is welcome with the Flynn-Fletchers, who are completely over the fact that he tried to ruin Thor's life and take his not-so-rightful place on the throne (except Candace who's very skeptical about having him back but it's not like Linda will believe her if she tries to tell her what Thor and Loki talked about so her opinion is unfortunately as irrelevant as it usually is on the show).

And early the next morning, before anyone else is awake, Perry gets an alert that he's needed in his headquarters (presumably to talk to or about Fury). He quietly sneaks off, only to find Loki waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him. They have a very nice "conversation" (not that Perry speaks) about the superhero Ducky Momo they saw the day before, and Loki assures him that his secret is safe, thus starting a much-needed bromance between Loki and Perry because it's what my babies, goddammit!

Anyways yeah if anyone wants to write a fanfic about Loki hanging out with Phineas and Ferb during his self-exile I would give you a socially distant high-five because I want to read it but I have too many other fanfics on my plate to start this one for at least a few months. It doesn't have to follow this prompt literally at all (I swear I wasn't trying to get this in-depth with it but this is what I do apparently) or it can follow this prompt exactly idc i just want a PnF/Loki fanfic 🥺

#marvel #mcu #loki #phineas and ferb #pnf #fanfic idea?#mission: marvel #mission marvel

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bonvoyagenoona · 2 years

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Thinking: I just woke up and had a dream where I was trying out for a part in a romcom and I read lines with this really cute guy who looked kinda like Ezra Koenig and kinda like Michael Garner from lady danville and hunter hunted?? That is a really niche reference??? Anyway, he told me, "I really hope you get the part. You're hilarious, and it would be fun to get to play with you," and I basically fell in love.

While waiting to hear if I made it through to the next round, I started typing fanfic on this comically huge pink laptop.

I got to the second round of auditions, which was a costumed round, and I learned more about the part. I was a girl named Donna who was weird and quirky but sweet. And the scene we were acting out had something to do with me and this male love interest, now being acted out by some new guy in a white suit, in an apartment kitchen.

A lady with a silver bob and dressed in all black, including black, thick-rimmed glasses asked me to follow her into another room and to bring my costume. I told her that I didn't have one. She said that we were all instructed to look the part, but it was ok, there were extra costumes. I had to choose between a pair of pajama pants vs shorts. I also had to choose between a big black sweater that said something funny(?) in dripping blood-like font vs a crop top. I chose the shorts and obviously the sweater; I'm an Aries 🤣

And then she gave me this huge, like, HUGE kind of mascot head to wear? It covered nearly my entire upper half? I think it was some kind of big cat, and I can't remember exactly what kind, but maybe it was a jaguar or cougar, but I also am now imagining it to be Retsuko, because me trying to remember this is morphing it a bit.

When I get to the makeshift set, the crew is at the far end of the fake apartment (which is gorgeous btw) and then I see JIN sitting at a round table, and he's like, really him, the real Jin, and his legs are casually crossed, and he's WINKING and closed-lipped smiling and sending me FINGER HEARTS for luck??? Then I see that next to him are Namjoon, Jimin, and Hobi? And they're all cheering me on? And then I turn left and see Jungkook and Taehyung sitting at the fake kitchen counters, and then YOONGI, closest to the door I entered through, just smiling. They all start silently but enthusiastically cheering for me and sending me more finger hearts. I pull my arms through my sweater sleeves and up into my mascot head, where there is a small, clear, plastic window inside the open mouth, and send them all finger hearts back while going "awwww yayyyyy!" quietly and to myself.

Anyway, so apparently, the scene we're about to act out is some scene deeper in the movie(?), and this male lead has fallen in love with Donna IN HER MASCOT HEAD, and the scene is taking place at his apartment, where they are sharing a fancy dinner, and he is crawling on the table, eating tacos sensually.

All that to say, I think this is my first ever BTS birthday dream, and it was a super, super pleasant gift to receive, and also maybe a sign to work more on AMOMK today lol

Hearing: my space heater

Writing: AMOMK I guess 🤣

Seeing:

#fade to black #microupdates #about me #y'all idk my bts dreams are all so innocent and sweet and before we get too risque #but tbh i kind of love it

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galaxina-the-pyro · 3 years

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Here, have some PnF School related HCs!

-Phineas isn’t the best in school, not because he doesn’t know the subjects, but more due to the fact that, as a creative kid out to break boundaries, school simply doesn’t interest him. He’s not the best at following instructions, and will often lose points in assignments for taking creative angles. He excels at math (to the point of correcting his teachers on a few incorrect equations), and his weakest subject is Grammar. He never fails a class, usually passing at a C point average. He does do well on tests, however (to the point where he has been accused of cheating).

-Phineas claims he can understand subjects better when Ferb (and Isabella) explains it to him

-Ferb and Baljeet always get A’s in their assignments, and take their study time seriously (Baljeet most of all; Ferb doesn’t mind getting anything lower than an A, but will feel shame if he feels he could’ve done better, while Baljeet will go into panic mode if he gets anything less than A+).

-In hindsight, Ferb is actually far more intelligent than Baljeet, but prefers to stay in the same grade as his brother; he was even given the option to move up grade levels, but politely refused

-In spite of Isabella eye rolling Baljeet’s fear of failure, she has similar meltdowns when she fails an assignment (to which Baljeet offers zero sympathy; do unto others, baby)

-Baljeet attends Highschool with Candace, Stacy, and the others, though Buford still manages to bully him even at such a radius. He does, however, tutor students in the school his friends go to, so he always sees his friends during after school activities.

-Phineas and Ferb always end up in the same classes every year...except for the school year after the canon series. That marks the first time both of them end up in different classes.

-There are school related patches for the Fireside Girls to earn, and as the episode “Ferb TV” states, being a part of the Fireside Girls gets you extra credit in middle school

-Out of all her friends, Isabella is part of the most extracurricular activities, including but not limited to, Debate Team, Junior Student Government, Mathletes, Glee Club, Drama Club, and of course Soccer

-Isabella is the head editor of the school newspaper, which she names “The Danville Eagle” (not to be confused with “The Fireside Gazette”)

-Isabella is the most prone to daydreaming during class, and often zones out; usually this is due to Phineasland, but her mind tends to drift to other places as well.

-Phineas, on the other hand, always distracts himself with drawing during classes, whether it be blueprints, or doodles in his textbooks - he often has his pencils and pens confiscated

-Buford tends to be the one most likely to interrupt the class for some reason or another; apparently it’s a requirement in The Bully Code, but everyone is certain he does it purely out of boredom

-Django and Jenny are both homeschooled, though Django does end up going to highschool with Phineas and the others

-Jenny only takes one college class before dropping out to continue her hippie/protest lifestyle; ironically, she starts a business that goes very well involving the buying and selling of...well...a certain type of plant, per se

-Buford has the lowest grade point average among his friends, but excels in art-related activities (and contact sports, of course); it’s very possible that he’s smarter than he lets on

-Buford is the only person among Phineas and Ferb’s friends who doesn’t join the school soccer team (this is due to confusing the sport with football)

-Recess time in the Dwampyverse is longer than recess in the real world (they already have longer Summers, so why not?), explaining how Phineas and Ferb can still complete certain Big Ideas during that time; they usually come up with ideas during or before lunchtime

-According to “When Worlds Collide”, Candace isn’t allowed to bust her brothers during the school year, but manages to find a loophole that allows her to attempt to bust them during Weekends (bar that she and her brothers finish their homework beforehand), and School Breaks. Linda often ponders over rewriting the Bust Accord, but is a mother of her word.

-Phineas and Ferb have a teacher who hates their existence, and is literally their antithesis; he sees their creative activities as a form of rebellion, and craves structure and discipline. On the other hand, he’s a total sadist and a crackpot who’d give Denzel Crocker a run for his money. Phineas and Ferb, much like towards their sister’s busting attempts, pay him no mind and probably treat him better than anyone else does.

-Phineas and Ferb are always paired up in school assignments; they’ve never gotten a perfect score on it in spite of how impeccable each project is, due to the assignment involving both participants giving short lectures. As we all know, Phineas always does all the talking, thus deducting points (this was a headcanon stolen from someone else, but I forget who)

-Phineas and Isabella’s favorite subject is music, Ferb’s is history, Baljeet’s is math, and Buford’s favorite subject is theatre (though he’ll always tell you it’s football, even though it’s not an actual subject)

-Ferb and Baljeet are on the A honor roll, Isabella is an AB honor roll (her weakest subject being history, the only subject keeping her from being on the same level as Ferb and Baljeet), Phineas is a C-average, and Buford is an F average (though he always gets just enough passes to make it to the next grade with his friends)

-Out of all the Fireside Girls, Gretchen excels the most in school, while Katie is on the lower end of the spectrum alongside Buford

-Candace always tries to sit next to Jeremy during classes they’re together, but someone always steals her seat before she can

-Candace’s favorite class is music class, like Phineas and Isabella, and is on the AB honor roll; her least favorite subject is home economics, due to always failing assignments while also somehow, someway setting herself on fire

-Candace’s grades are better than Phineas’, but worse than Ferb’s. Out of the three Flynn-Fletcher children Phineas has the hardest time with school

-Doofenshmirtz becomes a school teacher regardless of the Prof. Time/secret agent nonsense; he either becomes one due to community service, as a coverup for being an agent for OWCA, or by complete and total accident due to teleporting Vanessa’s real highschool teacher to another dimension

-He ALSO somehow becomes the defacto school counselor (I think he’d be really good at it, darn it); a lot of the kids seem to vent to him a lot for some reason (he thinks it’s the universe making him pay them back for ranting to Perry for so long [they also like to vent to his daughter, too, isn’t that weird?])

-Either way, Vanessa will always have him as a teacher, much to her dismay; the difference is whether Candace and her friends are ALSO a part of his class or not

-Doofenshmirtz sometimes does fun little experiments with Phineas, Ferb, and their friends, and has even helped them with a few of their projects after school

-Doofenshmirtz still uses his Inators during class, though he claims they are specifically used for GOOD this time around...even though they cause a whole slew of problems

-Due to these Inators, Perry has to involve himself and save everyone without revealing his identity to Candace or his other owners should they and their friends somehow get involved with the chaos (thank the great Platypus Lord for Stacy and her being somehow skilled at covering his beaver-butt)

-At some point, the entire PnF cast unintentionally reenact the events of “The One Thing”; Adyson is the one who steals antique photos specifically because they’re “the one thing you can’t replace”

-Phineas and Isabella have study dates together (Isabella is the only one who calls it a study date, however, though technically Phineas never corrects her, so it’s pretty much a study date, don’t you dare take this away from her, Ginger!)

(I’m probably gonna add more later, but feel free to add some of your own school-themed headcanons~.)

#phineas and ferb #headcanons #pnf #phineas and ferb headcanons #hcs #Phinabella #school

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unknownthebook · 3 years

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Summary: (Series inspired by Vanessa's line "I grew up hearing your evil scheming down the hall" from the song: Not So Bad A Dad.)

This is Perry's POV of my first fic, Down the Hall, but it can be read as a stand-alone.

Heinz passes out from exhaustion mid-monologue, leaving Perry concerned for both him and his daughter.

(Now has a comic, drawn by Kim-Kiwi! <3)

Perry became an OWCA agent at a very young age. He had a knack for martial arts, he was at the top of his class in training school, and he surpassed some of the greats during training exercises. It’s no wonder he became Danville’s top agent after only a few months in the field. He was everything he was “supposed” to be: suave, secretive, silent, stoic. A perfect soldier.

That changed quicker than he’d like to admit. After spending two weeks with the Flynn-Fletcher family Perry became absolutely whipped for their kids. He would do anything for them in an instant.

They weren’t the only ones to melt his heart though.

He had been given his nemesis assignment in the same week: Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. Perry read the case file until he knew it by heart. There wasn’t much there:

Name: Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

Threat level: High

Age: 41

Height: 6’2

Nationality: Gimmelshtump, Drusselstein

Blood type: AB+

Affiliations: Mother—unknown, Father—unknown, Mayor Roger Doofenshmirtz (Brother), Charlene Doofenshmirtz (Ex-wife), Vanessa Doofenshmirtz (Daughter).

Note: Heinz Doofenshmirtz has split custody of Vanessa Doofenshmirtz.

Perry had always known that Heinz had a daughter.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At first, Perry thought OWCA misjudged Heinz’s threat level. The man spent way too much time monologuing, his schemes were petty and full of holes, and he was way too nice. There were several occasions that Heinz offered Perry food to be a good host/nemesis. The food wasn’t even poisoned, Heinz would take a bite after Perry “refused” with silent glares. There was no way this man was a “high” level threat.

That opinion changed in record time. Heinz is a very capable scientist, his petty backstories prove he can be triggered by the smallest things, and his machines can be beyond deadly. Perry now admits that Heinz is a high-level threat, yet somehow the man still seems safe to be around. Heinz is interesting, smart, kind, caring, dorky, clumsy, and considerate all in one.

That’s why Perry worries when Heinz collapses mid-monologue. He quickly escapes the simple leg snare trap before running to his nemesis. Heinz is sleeping. Perry has seen the growing dark circles under his eyes these past few days.

Sighing, Perry heaves Heinz onto the couch before covering him with a blanket. He goes to exit through the front door, thinking that his jet pack may wake the scientist. He stops when he sees little shoes at the front door.

Perry knows the shoes belong to Vanessa. His nemesis has never spoken about his daughter, but that’s exactly how Perry knows she’s his world. As nemeses, Heinz only tells him about the people he dislikes: the people who’ve wronged him. Vanessa has never been brought up because Heinz adores her.

It’s late. It’s “Linda-served-pie-hours-ago” late, and Heinz is passed out on the couch. Judging by the size of the little shoes, he would guess that Vanessa is around Candace’s age. She’ll need dinner.

Perry wars with himself for two minutes. Vanessa doesn’t know him, it’s weird to eat something that a stranger made. Then again, maybe Heinz talks about him? No, how do you explain this? “Oh yeah sweetie, I’m evil and I do evil things. The guy that beats your dad is actually good, don’t mind the terrifying bruises he gave me.” Just no. Heinz is also passed out and Perry doesn’t know if he’ll wake up tonight, will his daughter get scared? That’s it, he’s making her dinner.

Perry storms off to raid the fridge, only to find it full of junk. Heinz lets his daughter eat this garbage? Whatever, he has no right to tell his nemesis how to raise a kid but since he’s “in charge” by default, he’s gonna make sure she has the option of healthy food.

The agent walks to the produce store a block away to purchase salad ingredients. He makes an aesthetically pleasing and healthy salad before covering it with plastic wrap and leaving it in the fridge for Vanessa.

Before leaving Perry leaves three notes in the house, one is next to Heinz on the coffee table, one is on the salad to label it, and the other is on Heinz’s undestroyed -inator. Perry admires his work before leaving to see his family. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’ll eventually consider Heinz and Vanessa as part of his family.

#Phineas and Ferb #Phineas and Ferb Fanfiction #Perry the Platypus #Pick your Perry #Human Perry #or Platypus Perry #Vanessa Doofenshmirtz #Heinz Doofenshmirtz #Series: Down the Hall #Series inspired by a song #Not So Bad A Dad #Fluff #leaving notes #Icy Heart Gets Melted #Stoic Agent Perry #OWCA's Best #perryshmirtz if you squint

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muffintonic · 4 years

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MY CATU LIVEBLOG

I did it for the crossover, so I thought i’d do it for the new movie (Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Candace Against the Universe, for those unaware of the acronym)!

TLDR: 8/10 not canon, but surprisingly good nevertheless.

Good: character interactions, dialogue (hilarious), everyone was involved, nice use of Chekhov's guns, absolutely EPIC background music

Bad: off-model issues, animation kind of flash-esque at times, the color palette was more like MML than PnF (more saturated and oddly shaded with clashing colors), overly long gags/pacing problems, immersion-breaking/stereotypical sound effects sometimes, some OOC

Ahh, i've missed Candace's singing.

WAIT A SECOND, WHY DOES HER CHARACTER MODEL LOOK SO MEATY (her head shape is blobby, too)

Oh my god, the entire Hirano family a minute in....i'm living.

Hmmm, the pyramid sports thing was from "Thanks But No Thanks," which is a Season 4 episode. In that episode, Vanessa is dating Monty, which only happened after "Minor Monogram" in Season 3. We know that Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension takes place in July after "Candace Loses Her Head" (since Doof's Drill-inator from that episode is scene in ATSD), but also before or around "Great Balls of Water" (since it's July in that episode) and definitely before "This is Your Backstory" (2D!Doof's advice to Doof is referenced)/"Road to Danville" (Phineas' trust gesture is referenced)/"Fly on the Wall" (the summer song gets referenced). LONG STORY SHORT: if ATSD took place in July, when the fridge does CATU take place if we're considering it canon?

Seriously, her off-modelness is super distracting to me. It was fine that she essentially had a triangle silhouette because she also had stick limbs, but giving her realistically meaty limbs makes me question why the rest of her is shaped like that. Bad.

That is some EPIC opening music!

Okay, the weird shading on that clown is also super distracting. PnF's design aesthetic is light and bright....I wonder if the MML people worked on this movie or something (which would also explain Candace's odd meatiness).

Why are all the lines so thick????? It looks like one of those low-budget toonboom or whatever animations Disney posts to YouTube.

Hmmmmm, Doof did the "evenly matched" thing in "Doofapus," too.

OH MY GOD, THE SATURATED COLORS + DARKNESS + THICK LINES ARE SOOOOOOOOO UGLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Bwahahahahaha, that pause when Candace is like "Actually, yes, WTF is it now?" is hilarious.

I like the detail of how all the kids' bikes are lying there in the driveway.

I would've just grabbed Linda's head and turned it at that point, honestly.

Linda is telling Candace calmly that she's exhausted...WHEN DOES THIS MOVIE TAKE PLACE?!!!!

Candace learns by "Sci-Fi Pie Fly" that she can take a break from busting to the betterment of her mental health sometimes....and that's a Season 3 episode. WHEN. DOES. THIS. MOVIE. TAKE. PLACE.

Ahh, i've missed Baljeet and Buford's banter. #oldmarriedcouple

Phineas is like "Candace wasn't having fun this summer? D:" but, like, if this movie takes place in the middle....they sure as heck didn't acknowledge it for the entire rest of the summer. HRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T JUST RETROACTIVELY INSERT EVENTS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SERIES: WE KNOW HOW THE REST OF THE SUMMER/THEIR LIVES TURNED OUT.

Why is Perry's wrist communicator a square. It's a circle throughout the entire series.

Does Vanessa have a scooter license? Do you need a license to ride a scooter? She was complaining in "Vanessassary Roughness" that she was always riding on the back of Doof's scooter, so I assumed she didn't. We did learn in "Finding Mary McGuffin" that she knows how to drive/has her license in "This is Your Backstory," does that count?

WAIT, WHY IS VANESSA SO PINK???? SHE AND DOOF ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A DIFFERENT SHADE OF WHITE (more coffee-toned) FROM THE FLYNN-FLETCHERS. Goddang, I had always appreciated how even the white characters were all different shades from each other in PnF....what a letdown.

Mmmm, characters either willingly engage in diegetic music in this show ("Where's Pinky?"), or it's just an imagine spot/non-diegetic. "Why do I have a guitar?" is not something that should be said.

Hmmmmmmmm, Candace is faulting the universe.......in ATSD she's talking about the Mysterious Force.....HMMMMMMMMM.....

Sounds like that was what Vanessa used to stop her Evil Busting phase...nice. Also, i'm only ~7 minutes into this movie, but i've spent the last 30 minutes watching it.

Hey, astute observation! That's what I always say: Candace wants to bust her brothers both because their projects can get dangerous ("Happy Birthday Isabella"/"Picture This"/"The Great Indoors"/ATSD/etc), and because she feels overshadowed by them/that they can get away with more than her ("Gi-Ants"/"For Your Ice Only"/"Love at First Byte")!

OH MY GOD, SHE ACTUALLY SAID "...completely overshadowed by Phineas and Ferb?" HOLY VALIDATION BATMAN

Man, i've said it before about Vanessa's deconstruction of Doof's motivations in "Last Day of Summer," but she would make a great therapist or something. I hope she goes into Psychology in the future.

HMmmm, I do kind of wish it was with Stacy that she had this breakthrough with, considering how Stacy's been her best friend since they were 5 years old ("Phineas and Ferb Save Summer")/she's only known Vanessa since "Phineas and Ferb: Summer Belongs to You!" somewhere in June. Like, I get that Vanessa is more in-tune with psychological stuff like this and it makes sense, but i’m just a Stacy fan at heart

Oooh, she's even saying "breakthrough" and "healing!"

UGLY SHADING/SATURATION YET AGAIN (did I mention that the D.E.I. scooter is also the wrong color from how we've seen it before? because it is)

Bwuh, "What Do it Do?" all over again.

Okay, seriously, it looks like the giant thing is floating...where's the shadow under it?? THERE IS NONE.

BRO, THERE HAD BETTER BE MORE STACY IN THIS MOVIE. DON'T TELL ME SHE JUST GETS A CAMEO AT THE BEGINNING.

What did they make her? I want to know!

Ooooh, Candace's hands are way too small in that window shot. The off-modelness is so distracting.

AUGH, PHINEAS HAS A BABY HAND, TOO.

Haha, I love it when debris falls in with Perry when he goes to his lair.

Bwahaha, he's so done with Monogram

They use landlines ("Sipping with the Enemy") and physical files...don't try to tell me that PnF takes place later than 2012 I won't hear it.

NICE FILE PHOTO, CANDY

Wait, they have a whole alert-protocol thing about a host family member getting kidnapped by aliens, but it says to send the assigned agent on the mission??? In "Undercover Carl" and "Bullseye!" Monogram specifically didn't want Perry to get involved (in ATSD Perry was acting on his own), so ????????? Is it because he's their best agent or what?????

Some stuff is missing from Phineas and Ferb's room (on the walls).

GALACTIC WEB???? My first thought was the Galactic Kids Next Door

Haha, oh, these kids. Love little moments like these.

Why do characters always play with a ball when in jail/trapped? 2D!Candace did it in ATSD, too.

Why is that CGI so conspicuous. PnF used CGI sometimes, and it didn't look like butt. We're in 2020, people.

BWAHAHA, Vanessa!!

Ooh, they're bringing back Space Adventure! Now, we know that after "Not Phineas and Ferb" in Season 2 they say they're over it, but also that 9 episodes later in "Nerds of a Feather," Phineas and Ferb go to a convention/dress up from it. WHEN DOES THIS MOVIE TAKE PLACE.

Hmmm, cutaway gags like I remember MML doing...still too Family Guy for my tastes, especially with it being overly long. (I'm also not pleased with how Baljeet's half-lidded eyes goes straight across instead of bending over the curvature of his eye like what PnF usually does....the straight thing is also Family Guy/South Park's style. This does not bode well.)

WHOA, OFF-MODEL BALJEET ALERT!!!!! WHY IS HE SHORTER THAN PHINEAS AND WHY IS HIS ARM BENDING LIKE THAT!!!!

Bruh, Phineas thinking it's dangerous and not asking his friends to go seems OOC. Where was this attitude in "Meapless to Seattle?" In "Night of the Living Pharmacists?" In ANY OTHER dangerous scenario?

I do like how the kids are getting to go with them this time after missing out on ATSD.

NORM?!!!!!!!!!!!

PBBBFFFT, WHY DO YOU THINK GIVING THEM BUFORD WOULD APPEASE THEM

Hey, yeah, they've never made mistakes like this! What's going on?

Okay, seriously, in ATSD and NOTLP the kids don't know who Doof is. WHEN. MOVIE. Also, Doof's lab interior does have the correct items in it, but they're colored + shaded weirdly.

DOOF IS A VIRGO?!! Okay, that tracks with him being incompatible with Sagittarius people from "Love at First Byte."

Mmmm, the animation is definitely more on the "low budget YouTube shorts" level. The way Doof moves....

Yeah, gotta stick to your brand, bwaha!

OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THAT IS NOT THE SAME CHICKEN-REPLACE INATOR FROM "What a Croc!" GET THE GODDANG COLORS RIGHT JEEZ DID THESE PEOPLE NOT LOOK AT A SINGLE MODEL SHEET BEFORE MAKING THIS MOVIE

Bwahahahahahahaha, I missed Buford and Isabella's banter (and Buford is right: they might need a canoe...or maybe that's just my over-preparedness talking)!

Again: "Undercover Carl"/"Bullseye!"

Ah, Buford.

Wait a second, they didn't even have an introduction scene between Doof and the kids like they did in ATSD. *insert thinking emoji here*

Meh, D.E.I.'s been blown up worse before (the "Ask a Foolish Question" time comes to mind)

DOOF YOU ARE THE ADULT SUPERVISION!!!! GAH!!

Wait, what are you talking about Candace? I don't remember a voice automated translator being a thing in the Flynn-Fletcher household. If this is a crack at Alexa/Google Home or whatever, THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN SHOWN TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE IN ALL OF THE EPISODES OF PNF

They could have done a fireman slide, I guess...though maybe the friction would've made that a bad idea.

Okay, is everyone going to get mind-wiped at the end of this or what? Candace didn't even know Vanessa's last name or where she lived in "It's No Picnic," and they definitely didn't seem friendly enough in NOTLP considering all of these interactions. I'm going to count up all the "WHEN MOVIE" comments i've made by the end of this liveblog, and if it's 10+ i'm just going to say the movie is non-canon/just an OVA. I am enjoying it more than the MML crossover so far, so that's good, though.

Haha, oh, Candace. See, this is why she and Stacy are BFFs: same braincell (AKA Stacy's "Elementary My Dear Stacy"/"Put That Putter Away" moments).

OH, CANDACE. XD

OH, SNAP!!!

Ugh, okay, the "WHEN MOVIE" doesn't even matter anymore. Officially non-canon due to irreconcilable timeline a la MML post-2016 reference.

Yay, Isabella showing off her skills again! People tend to forget that she's also smart.

Go, Perry!!

Oh my god, the "unsung hero" being technically sung....good stuff

Oh my god, Perry, nooooo!! Someone save him!

Wait, did Doof purposefully put that platypus-sized spacesuit on the ship for Perry?!! Awwwwwwwww!!

HAHA, BUFORD

Oh my god, Vanessa, noooo!!! D: I bet the pods were sent back to where they came from/Vanessa should've been in the Earth pod.

Goddang, good thing that planet's got breathable air (not that that ever really gets addressed in PnF, haha).

Ah, okay, it took her to the planet the aliens are from. Weird.

Wait, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, these aliens are weirdly humanoid!! What!! PnF was so good about that ("Out to Lauch"/"The Chronicles of Meap"/"Escape from Phineas Tower"/"Sci-Fi Pie Fly")!!

So they were sending out pods looking for a leader? Weird. Also, they already had Candace be the leader in "Gi-Ants"/"Unfair Science Fair Redux (Another Story)."

Wait, they're doing show-tunes, and pretty much only people who are Evil in PnF do that ("Phineas and Ferb Save Summer"/"The Klimpaloon Ultimatum"/most of Doof's songs). I bet they're going to sacrifice her because of a prophecy or something.

Okay, -1000 points for the Floss. I hate it so much. You know what you'd be flossing if you did that with real rope? POOP. GROSS. Bring back Baljeet dabbing if you're going to make a reference like that, dabbing is fun.

Okay, this song is officially going on for too long. I know the overly long gag thing is a Family Guy staple, too. U G H, leave that horribleness out of my wholesome cartoons, please. Goddang, the influence was even in WBB's movie, too (Panda's dead pose). The Horribleness Lovers are infiltrating the animation industry. (How do I know about the Horribleness if I don't watch Family Guy/South Park? From people making infoposts about how horrible they are + reading up on their wikias/watching YouTube analyses of them, of course. Knowledge is power, and you must know your enemy.)

Seriously, open the freaking door. All of these overly long gags are not only unfunny, they eat up the runtime. PnF has great pacing where it's not too fast (Wander Over Yonder was sometimes too fast), but spends enough time on the things that need it. Opening a door is not something that needs time, especially when it's following up an overly long song.

I bet they're going to extract the element from her or something.

I'M PARANOID, TOO

Wait, this lady (I didn't catch her name) seems to be their leader?? Is she abdicating?

So the aliens have a gender binary, too? Is that necessary? Would that be necessary?

Hmm, I know that Doof didn't realize how futile rotating the moon was in "The Doof Side of the Moon" and what a boat was in "Are You My Mummy?" but he tends to be smart about intricate science stuff. Like, the problem with his inators (he even says it himself in "Phineas and Ferb Save Summer") is that he executes them poorly, not that he's failing in other aspects. Like, is this is the same scientist that built a Re-Good inator solely from plane parts in "Where's Perry?"

That cutaway was not necessary.

BALJEET, NO. Also, is it in character for him to be so gung-ho about trying out this unprecedented maneuver? I know he does have a wild side, but it's not usually about science things/throwing things that require this much caution to the wind.

Wouldn't they pass out from the G-forces or whatever?

Wait, what was the point of that alien mammoth getting flung? I mean, I figured that was going to happen to their ship by the way it landed on the mushroom.

Haha, oh, Doof.

XDDDD Buford had better save the day, since he's the only one that doesn't register the ominous tone. If he doesn't that'd be such a waste of the gag.

Haha, Buford. Still my favorite kid. :')

Okay, I seriously can't hear anything this alien leader lady says. It's like she's whispering all her lines with a hoarse throat or half-mumbling parts of her sentences or something. I have my volume turned up, and it's not helping.

Gross. WAIT, ISN'T THAT LIKE WHAT THE CITIZENS OF THE CANDY KINGDOM DO FROM ADVENTURE TIME?

Wait, do they have a farming culture? They were doing something in a field right now.

Hmm, yeah, lots of non-humanoid alien species on this planet alone....did they NEED to make the kidnapper ones so humanoid?

Doof, you even said that there was no adult supervision earlier. XD Isabella's definitely more qualified to lead, considering she's a Fireside Girl Troop leader/her vast array of badges compared to Doof absolutely ruining the Tri-State Area in "Phineas and Ferb's Quantum Boogaloo" and not knowing what leadership entails in "The Beak"/"Last Day of Summer."

Haha, yeah, see! Whip out those badges.

HAHAHAHA, Oh, Doof. I can see him facing front in the card's photo, ahhh, frontal Doof.

DOOF!!! XDD

Oh my god, he took her hat. She looks like she's starting to get pissed....you never want to get on Isabella's bad side. XDD (She knows hapkido/jujitsu from NOTLP)

Oh my god, this song is amazing.

See, songs are okay to be long if they're dynamic: lots of movement between locations, varying camera angles, engaging lyrics, moves the plot forward, etc. Now this is PnF!

Baljeet, please. XD

Oh my god, poor Doof. Yowch! I hope his leg's not broken. D: He's certainly dragging it around like it is.

HAHA, I love how he just calmly zaps it!!! Nice (and a good example of the experience thing he was talking about earlier).

That chicken looks uncomfortably realistic for PnF's style (we've seen Agent C in "Traffic Cam Caper" before and a rooster in "Cheer Up Candace").

They got the farmer's hair color wrong. Interesting that they brought him and his wife back, though!

What's with the sudden cartoony sound effects for Doof falling??????? Bad.

Hmm, the audience seems like they're being mind-controlled.

It can't be the first time ever, since she was a star in "Flop Starz"/"Run Away Runway"/"Lights, Candace, Action!"/"Unfair Science Fair Redxux (Another Story)"/"Gi-Ants."

For a hot second I thought she was going to ask Candace to marry her or join her family or something.

I bet Vanessa is going to tame that alien dragon! Also, I hope they realize she's not on earth soon.

I bet the gift they made Candace at the beginning is going to change her mind about living it up on the alien planet.

Oh my GOD, Candace has shown repeatedly that she loves and cares about her little brothers. WELP, GOOD THING THIS MOVIE AIN'T CANON.

Like, seriously, if this movie was canon, there's no way the boys would ever drop the "Candace is unhappy" thing for the rest of the summer.

HAHA, LIKE I SAID: ISABELLA IS TO BE FEARED. XD Also, wasn't it Candace's fault since she sent them away?

"While I love ominous patch-related threats more than anyone--" *AHEM* "Right, apart from Ferb" BOYS, PLEASE. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm getting flashbacks to Horde Prime inviting Glimmer to dinner. Also, I almost typed "Glitter" instead of Glimmer right now.

I bet she killed her brothers or had them mind-controlled or something.

Ooooooof, that's ominous.

Aw, Baljeet's so interested in joining Buford's gang.

Bwahaha, Doof looks so interested! I bet he's going to remember the stuff they're listing for later or something.

DID MONOGRAM JUST SAY DO NOT ENGAGE THE ALIENS BECAUSE OF AN INTER-GALACTIC TREATY?? IS THAT A LILO AND STITCH REFERENCE???? (probably not, but i've been getting into L&S again lately)

Meh, Buford and Baljeet survived being eaten by the worm from "One Good Turn." Those aliens will be fiiiiiiiiiiiiine. :P

Were those alien prisoners rebels or something? They have a hidden city, but they also seemed too scared to be rebels.

Oh my god, cubism.

Okay, so they're not rebels, per se, but they resist by....hiding and cowering. Sort of?

MMmmmyep, the show tunes tipped me off. So these guys got invaded by another alien species, huh? OOF, cordyceps vibes

So she needs Candace to be food for the spores or something?

Yep, she's using Candace as plant food.

Overly long gag again. :\\\\\\\\

Okay, so she didn't kill/mind-control them, but she did lock them up. I was right!

I don't know how their alien biology works, but humans can't eternally walk. Candace's legs would eventually get tired/become not able to move until the lactic acid she builds up wears off. She could also develop varicose veins or blood clots from all that standing. Bad move, aliens.

Yeah, Candace would never do something like that! Also, see: it was her fault they ended up on the prison shuttle, not Doof or Isabella's.

Bruh, the rest of the earth gang breathes CO2...did your scanners not pick up on that?

Oh my god, Candace, don't reveal information that could get earth invaded.

Wait, how was she keeping the mushroom alive before? Where did it come from?

Also, WHAT ABOUT VANESSA!!! SOMEONE SAVE VANESSA!!!

Wait, why was the alien lady holding onto the smaller alien's long moustache? Is he her pet?? CONFUSION

Ugh, they don't have to make every single thing a gag. PnF knew when to make moments real/dramatic. Grow a spine and live with the weight of emotional tension, movie.

ANOTHER OVERLY LONG GAG? No wonder this movie is so long.

Wait, is Shego the VA for the alien lady? The way she yelled sounded like Marlene, who has Shego's VA. I'm going to look this up later.

BWAHA, Vanessa hears the ominous tone, too!

I don't doubt that Doof will be able to cobble something together to get them back, but that honestly has nothing to do with "adulting" since Phineas and Ferb could probably do the same, and they're kids.

I absolutely love how Buford's still carrying that canoe everywhere.

YES!!! Haha, yes, Doof, Perry is your guardian angel (and emotional support animal). :')

I KNEW Vanessa was going to tame that dragon!!

Yeah, see, she never has that dragon again, so this movie is totally just an OVA.

OH MY GOD, PULLING A Chowder HERE, I SEE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Yeah, you can see how off-model/pink Vanessa is right here where she's standing next to Doof. She's supposed to have his brown-tinged coloring (just look at any other time she’s next to him--”Finding Mary McGuffin”/”Minor Monogram”/NOTLP/”Hail Doofania!”/”A Real Boy”/etc).

Bwahahahaha, chicken selfie

Oh, yeah, that makes sense. What would happen if they killed the chicken? Does it only switch with alive chickens?

BWEHEHEHEHEHE

Though I don't like the particular scare chord they used when Doof holds up the Axe inator--very stereotypical/they could've composed a new version, like how Candace's leitmotif is technically Ring Around the Rosie, but different.

Aww, why not, Vanessa? It's your best bet home! Although, I guess it would be awkward considering Perry's right there....

I need to see a photo of the Lieutenant Baljeet's talking about here, for....reasons.

See, Baljeet's recklessness in this movie seems more like something Buford-i'm going to randomly mess with this ("Fly on the Wall")-Van Stomm would do

In "Nerds of a Feather" Baljeet cosplays as a Space Adventure character, so....

"You made another boat?! What've I been lugging this one around for?!" NICE, BUFORD, BWAHA

Wait, how on earth did that work? Can hunks of metal just allow something to fly like that? I admit to not knowing how planes work, but at least those have, like, engines and whatever.

WAIT A SECOND, I SPY MISHTI IN THAT MCFREAKING STADIUM CROWD!!! WHAT IS SHE DOING THERE!!! SHE'S NOT A NORMAL FILLER BACKGROUND CHARACTER!!

Stacy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder if they meant to put her mom on the bleacher seat behind her, or if it's another Mishti case.

They spelled his name wrong: we saw in "Doof 101" that it's John P. Trystate (the elementary school is named after him)

Beh, nothing bad is ever supposed to happen to Roger, that's the whole point of his character. Bad.

Ah, Bujeet banter.

WHY IS ISABELLA'S ROBOT A CAT THING

They should've made something to kill the mushroom instead.

OH, JEREMY XD Wait, that didn't sound like Mitchel Musso.

Was he just making those weapons because it's his hobby? Stacy did suggest a compound bow as a gift for him in "Vanessassary Roughness," and there's a bow on the counter

Buford and Isabella banter!

I like the detail of Candace's hair being disheveled and her socks drooping after walking all this time

Aww, does she feel guilty? :(

She does. Again, this movie can't be canon, because they don't acknowledge what she's saying for the rest of the summer and this kind of breakdown would definitely leave a mark on her.

AHA, I knew that gift would come into play!

Aww, that's a cute mug! Also, good on Candace for not drinking coffee!

HMMM, OKAY, SO THE SIBLING HUG FROM "Phineas and Ferb Get Busted," WHICH WAS PERRY'S DREAM, IS ON THAT PROJECTION OF THEIR NICE MOMENTS. TOLD YA: NOT CANON.

Haha, nice @ the new gelatin memory. It aligns nicely with the various things Candace has done offscreen that Phineas and Ferb get a kick out of (getting her face caught in the dishwasher, getting tangled in the clothesline, etc)

The exploding thing is technically a step forward, but, again, the real issue is killing that mushroom. Also, are Doof and Co. still stuck??

"Why does that sound like her name?" "I dunno." BOYS

STACY...JEREMY...LARPING.....Aww, don't be ashamed, Jeremy! Candace does Ducky Momo cosplay, and she accepted your dance deficiency in "Nerdy Dancin'!" I have to say, I love it when Stacy and Jeremy are on the same side, since Candace was sidelining Stacy in favor of spending time with Jeremy for a while (to the point where "Canderemy" happened).

Mmm, I notice a trend in cartoons lately about applying psychology to things. Amphibia, SPOP, Steven Universe...it's nice to get kids used to the idea that introspection is healthy.

DID SHE JUST DIE

Okay, did they just...fly from another planet? The gang went beyond light speed to get back home....there's atmosphere issues....they didn't even bother to try and have them salvage the space suits from the inator even though characters in PnF can't survive in space/always have to wear a space suit (Doof even puffed up in "Out to Launch" when he stuck his head outside without a helmet on, and Perry made sure to put a helmet on him when he was going spaceward in "The Doof Side of the Moon")?

Oooh, okay, furthest chicken. Nice.

Aww, the dragon's shielding them! Reminds me of How to Train Your Dragon when Toothless was protecting Hiccup from the flames

WOW, that is an EPIC remix of Perry's theme music!!! Holy crud, there's not as much background music as usual in this movie, but the music that is there goes HARD.

Bwahaha, to quote Maui: "The chicken lives!"

Oh my god, Baljeet really likes petting zoos? Also, I guess the farmer's last name is McDonald??

Beverly Hills + Beverly Hills adjacent...why XD

The chicken still lives!!

Okay, so she's alive.

Ah, so that’s why the mammoth got flung.

Aw, I wish Jeremy and Stacy had had more of an action scene after gearing up.

Okay, see, this lesson she's learned? How if this movie was canon, none of the rest of the summer would have been possible? MMmmmmmmmyeah.

Wait, so the American police are just taking the aliens?? No special forces or anything?? They're ALIENS.

LAWRENCE, DON'T TOUCH THAT!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welp, it took me 5 hours to watch this 1 hr 24 min movie...wowza. I forgot to write it when they occurred, but I didn’t like that the alien lady’s blinking had a sound effect in that one scene or that they used the Wilhelm scream during the final battle. I do wish there’d been more Perry and Doof interactions + some more Stacy, but what we did get was good. There were some pacing problems (too much alien screentime), but the excellent interactions between the PnF gang made up for them. Also, I genuinely laughed at at least two handfuls of moments! Anyway: a good movie!! I'm shocked--i'm so picky, and I haven't liked anything since "Last Day of Summer!" I mean, it's definitely an OVA/not canon, but still!! Solid 8/10.

#phineas and ferb #pnf #pnf spoilers #Candace Against the Universe #CATU spoilers #mine

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springsfordays · 4 years

Text

Okay so this is entirely self indulgent and incredibly silly but I keep thinking about it so imma type it out lol!

PNF x BNHA AU

Where UA is the best hero academy in the tri state area and is actually a middle to high school academy.

O.W.C.A.

OWCA is one of the many hero agencies in Danville and is specifically made for heros who have animal based quirks.

Major Monogram

Quirk: not sure probably something with acrobatics.

while technically a retired hero in action he still runs his hero agency with an iron fist. (Eh or so he claims in reality he can hardly control most of his agents.)

Carl Karl

Quirk: Squirrel (anything a squirrel can do he can do)

While he is a 3rd year UA support course student he also interns at OWCA for first hand hero and support experience. Though the agency actually has him spend a lot of time there rather than school. It didn’t cause him too much trouble though cause of a couple new students he’s been mentoring at school.

Perry the platypus

Quirk: sentients

I was thinking about how could Perry be a animal based hero while still being involved with the Flynn-Fletchers somehow but I think I like the idea of him being a Principal Nezu of sorts. Where he’s an actual platypus but was experimented by humans and given the quirk of sentients but he’s also their pet still.

Pre-Support Course

(Just wanted to point out that all the kids in this au are 13-14 years old instead of like 10)

In this course middle school students have the chance to get a head start for their support studies. Not many apply for this class but there are a few. These students specifically help the pre-hero course students the most. And are mentored by Carl.

Most notably students are the very talented Flynn-Fletcher brother duo.

Phineas Flynn

Quirk: Work hands (he can turn his fingers into small work tools such as a blow torch, screwdriver, magnifying glass, essentially his hands are Swiss army tools. However he cannot do this for significant amount of time so he uses regular tools more often)

Phineas has always wanted to be hero since he was very young. But as time went on and he became slightly more realistic he realized he couldn’t be the hero he wanted to be. But he was fantastic at building and has been doing it since he was little. He then realized his talent and love for building gadgets didn’t have to be a hobby or a completely different career. He could support heros and make their quirks more powerful with his inventions.

Ferb Fletcher

Quirkless

A very quiet nearly mute young boy Ferb is but also an extremely intelligent one at that, with a knack for building. When he was younger he had been waiting and waiting and counting the days until his quirk would appear. But his ripe ages of 5-7 when most kids got their quirks quickly passed and upon examination was told he was quirkless. He was down for a while since he couldn’t be a hero but quickly followed his brother’s philosophy and decided that ensuring the safety and strength of heros so they can save more lives was good enough for him.

The brother duo are also still best friends with Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet since they’re all neighbors. The five grew up together and experienced one by one how they all got their quirks. Isa, Buf, and Jeet have amazing quirks which only made the anticipation and eventual disappointment of Ferb being quirkless that much heartbreaking. But never did any judgement hold up and the three used their quirks to defend their friends from constant bullying. And in return the duo were always coming up with new ways to help them advance their quirks.

Also Irving is in general studies and is still an obsessive fanboy. He keeps journals similar to how deku writes and analyzes heros and such. His quirk is camera eyes. (Which explains all his weird photos) He likes to hang around Phineas and Ferb since he really admired their inventions for the cool hero students.

Pre-Hero Course

In this UA the middle school side has a pre-hero corse where students can get a head start for their high school’s hero course but only accepts the strongest of students.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro

Quirk: Firey Explosion ((Okay so this is basically bakugou’s quirk but a bit different sorry but his quirk matches Isabella’s firey determination plus her having a quirk that you wouldn’t expect for a little cute girl to have is funny to me,,,) a combination quirk since her mother had acidic fluids that concentrated enough can make small flames or tiny combustions and her father could sweat glycerin the two combined making Isabella create giant explosions from anywhere in her body. Since all her fluids, sweat, blood, spit, tears, etc have the acidic glycerin she can also create flames that come out of her body when she over uses her explosions that she usually has come out of the palms for her hands. (She can also breath fire because of this which makes a pretty cool surprise attack))

Isabella is one of the best and most powerful students in her class. She has always had a protective nature to her and is a strategic genius when it comes to battle. When her quirk had first developed she had used it to defend Phineas (she still has a huge crush on him lol) and Ferb, her best friends that were constantly made fun of for being ‘useless’. One day Phineas told her that she was his hero and from there she’s worked hard to one day become a hero.

Baljeet Tjinder

Quirk: Giganta Growth (He could grow into any size he desires even taller than most buildings and mountains. However he cannot retain size for very long and becomes extremely nauseous.)

Another top student in his class similar to Isabella. Most people cannot actually figure out his quirk sometimes and are extremely surprised when this turns out to be his actual quirk. Appearance wise he has longated fingers, ears, and feet. He has blue skin and monkey tail and even has fully red eyes. His blue skin, which is from his family’s genetics, is actually mostly gravity resistant so when he is normal sized he can fly. Not only that but he is remarkably intelligent. In fact when he was little he had zero interest in becoming a hero, he rather had been a scientist of sorts. But it was when two of his best friends couldn’t realistically become heros he felt selfish that he was given such a great power and he was choosing not to save lives with it, with that he decided to become a hero.

Buford van Stomm

Quirk: Wind Gust (From his lungs to his breath he can control the air around him to create powerful gusts of wind and manipulate air waves. But he must be careful with this because he endangers himself of collapsing or bursting his lungs.)

Buford just like Isa and Jeet is one of the top performing students in his class. This is because he can control his quirk pretty well and is great to have in battle. However he is still a bully by nature and most say he suits being a villain more than a hero. He considers this a compliment since this means most villains will fear him. His motivations of becoming a hero are entirely selfish. Wanting to be a star and make tons of money. He wants to blow away all the villains and become center of attention. (Also as a gross joke he’ll collect a bunch of wind and blow it out by burping which disgusts everyone)

Other students and advisors call these three the “Mini Three” modeled after the “Big three” who are in the hero course and are the top students in their class. But there are about seven others in the pre hero course so I’m just gonna name them off with short quirk descriptions.

Ginger Hirano Quirk: Wing growth (for this one just look to Stacy’s cause it’s pretty much the same since it is a hereditary quirk)

Adyson Sweetwater Quirk: Werewolf (Can change into a large wolf man at will)

Katie Quirk: Electricity (Essentially Denki’s I just like this quirk)

Holly Quirk: Hallo glow (She can exude out hallo like rings from her arms and legs stunning villains when they are hit by them)

Milly Quirk: Spikes (She can create large spikes from any point in her body and can even control them to create some forms)

Gretchen Quirk: Erasure (Like Erasurehead’s but she can erase multiple quirks at once but she has to use special glasses since it strains her eyes)

Django Brown Quirk: Vine Hands (He can shoot out vines from his hands)

Hero Course

I don’t have to many ideas for the hero course students but whatevs here’s the “Big Three” of the hero course!

Candace Flynn

Quirk: Sonic Voice (it’s Present Mic’s SORRY BUT COME ON IT SUITS HER SO WELL. But yeah she can make her voice create sonic booms in whichever direction she wants.)

A 3rd year student in UA. Ever since she was young she has always wanted to protect those around her especially her little brothers. She was almost slightly relieved when she learned neither of them could really become heros. But she always had a nervous breakdown whenever they’d build ridiculous gadgets that could potentially harm them. She became a hero mostly for fame and glory too but her natural protective skills puts her as one of the school’s best students since she can use her quirk so well. She also can do parkour pretty good which only makes her a better hero.

Stacy Hirano

Quirk: Wing Growth (As said before this is a hereditary quirk amongst the Hirano family. Basically she has multiple pairs of wings on her body (one on each side of her head, two pairs on her back, and a pair on each foot. For reference look to Ryo’s satan design from devilman crybaby) but can only grow one pair from her back to any size. With her strength and agility she can use her wing growth to hit her opponents. She can fly extremely fast but growing too much hurts her ability to move her body)

A 3rd year student in UA. All Stacy’s life she’s wanted to impress her mother. Dr. Hirano being a highly respected doctor within the hero industry has high expectations for her daughters. So Stacy opted to become a hero and is shaping up to be a fantastic one. Even if she’s a little dopey at times she’s extremely agile with her wings making her a great rescue hero.

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz

Quirk: Demon Titan (She can turn into a gigantic demon looking titan, similar to Baljeet’s but her physical appearance changes entirely and she could only grow to one size. She can’t retain this for too long otherwise her muscles give out entirely)

A 3rd year student in UA. As the daughter of one of Danville’s top villains combined with her quirk and physical appearance most people think she’s a complete villain in the making. In her normal form she has blueish gray skin, a demon tail, large horns, completely white eyes and black lips. Most are afraid of her especially since she’s seemingly so cold and distant to everyone around her. But in reality she really does wish to right the wrongs of her family and help people around her. She interns at OWCA.

There’s about seven other students in their class as well but I don’t really know too much about them and their quirks but just know their classmates are Monty, Jeremy, Coltrane, Jenny, Lacie, Johnny, and Albert (he’s like the Mineta of their class).

Villains

Again haven’t put too much thought into this one but yeah.

L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. is still a villain organization in Danville and their main rival for control is OWCA.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Quirkless

We all know Doof’s incredibly sad backstory and it is still all that but with the more embarrassing tale of how he brings shame to his family by being quirkless. So he dedicates his life to learning evil science and to destroy the tri state area and heros all together. But of course he’s always thrawted by Perry the platypus. Even though he’s super disappointed in the fact his daughter wants to be a hero (who by the way looks nothing like him all her looks come from her mother) he’s still loves her the same and even supports her. He’s even attacked certain places in Danville just so she could get hero practice by defeating him. Which she’s super embrassed about.

And that’s about it for now. Just thought this would be a fun au to write about sometime lol. But yeah I love my hero and Phineas and Ferb totally is works for this super intellect society.

#phineas and ferb #phineas flynn #ferb fletcher #isabella garcia shapiro #baljeet tjinder #buford van stomm #candace flynn #stacy hirano #vanessa doofenshmirtz #dr doofenshmirtz #major monogram #carl karl #bnha au #bnha crossover #phineas and ferb au #irving du bois #ginger hirano #adyson sweetwater #perry the platypus

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