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seemycee · 6 months

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|WHY I THINK NICKI MINAJ IS A VIRGO RISING AND NOT AN AQUARIUS RISING| 🧠✍🏾🤬💆🏾‍♀️

- so just like many celebrities nicki minaj’s birth time is unknown. many people have speculated she’s an aquarius rising due to her wearing eccentric outfits from 2010-2012 and the fact she would have an 11th house stellium to explain her fanbase and scorpio 10h to make her infamous. nothing else explaining her personality, career choice, why’s she’s a talented rapper, or her childhood. so i’m going to explain why i think she’s a virgo rising and before somebody starts foaming at the mouth these are just my opinion and ideas, not FACT! (also i prefer old rulership but neptune, pluto, and urnaus will be used)

4TH HOUSE IN SAGITTARIUS: 🏡✈️🏚️

- nicki minaj was born in trinidad on december 8th, 1982 making her a sagittarius sun. her mother and father left trinidad sometime while she was a toddler to establish a new life in america. leaving her and older brother jelani in the care of her grandmother. when she was 5, her parents sent for her and her brother and they quickly moved to the u.s where they lived in a two family home. nicki minaj’s mother carol owned this two family home and the family lived upstairs but had to eventually move downstairs which was smaller in order to rent out the upstairs to families to make ends meet. eventually the house was burnt down by nicki’s father. nicki minaj spent a great deal of her childhood creating characters to escape the reality of the world she was living in at the time. her father was abusive towards her mother due to him becoming victim of the crack epidemic of the 1980s.

- nicki minaj has uranus in her 4h and in modern day astrology uranus represents sudden changes. so it being in her 4h (home) manifested in her domestic life constantly changing. her 4h being ruled by sagittarius could be seen as an indication of why she emigrated from trinidad to the u.s since sagittarius is known as the traveler in astrology and the 4h represents the home. nicki minaj’s father being a drug addict and her using made up characters and living in a fantasy land to combat her fathers erratic behavior. can be seen by the presence of neptune in the 4h and it being conjunct her 10h (father) ruler (mercury) since neptune rules over delusions (fantasy land) and addictions (crack addiction). might i add nicki minaj too has also battled with addiction and that would make sense aswell because neptune would also be conjunct her chart ruler (mercury) and neptune is very prominent in charts of people prone to addictions.

- nicki minaj is a homebody she prefers to be in the comfort of her home and in the presence of her family. she has expressed over the years how she doesn’t like to attend industry events to barbz dismay who constantly want her to be at fashion shows or at different award shows. she even famously said in her song freedom “i’m not into fake industry parties or fake agendas”. ice spice recently even said while filming the barbie world video with nicki minaj she had her whole family in the trailer with her all day and a year prior coi leray said the same thing while shooting the blick blick video. i personally think this is because she has a great chunk of her core planets in her 4h (sun, moon, mercury, & venus) especially her venus cause that indicates a strong love for her family and sun (self) is tied to her family since it’s sitting the 4h. also 4h people tend to not like being “out there” cause it’s makes them uncomfortable. which makes sense cause most of their planets would be opposite the mc which is opposite the ic which is in the 4h. whatever is conjunct your ic you do not feel comfortable showing with the public (mc). which also makes sense for nicki minaj who hasn’t even shared the name of her child with the public.

- nicki minaj also has shown a great love for her homeland trinidad despite living their very briefly. that can also be a manifestation of sun in the 4h, cause people with this placement tend to be very patriotic or in other words proud of their homeland. also her mercury cause that rules over communication and since its sitting in her 4h it would make sense for her to love to talk about where she’s from.

3RD HOUSE IN SCORPIO: 🗣️🤬🧠

- okay so i never understood why people call virgo risings rude until i learned about them having 3h in scorpio. as we know scorpio is traditionally ruled by mars and mars isn’t a very loving or nurturing planet, in-fact it’s very aggressive and domineering. so virgo rising tend to be very blunt and straightforward with communicating, not really caring if they hurt people’s feelings or not. especially when they’re bothered by someone or something these mars ruled 3rd housers will smite you with their words. they can also have a problem with pushing their ideas and opinions on to people, kinda having a my way or the highway attitude about it. also they tend to be very dirty minded individuals once you get to know them, cause mars also rules over sexual desires. but even with all that being said people tend to value what virgo rising have to say constantly coming back for their opinions even if it’s not what they wanted to hear.

- I feel like this resonates so much with nicki minaj cause everytime she speaks her mind people are automatically put off. often labeling her as rude, a b*tch, and egotistical. she even famously said “if i am assertive, im a b*tch” on her my time now documentary. last year (2022) nicki was on live two separate times with two female rappers (coi leray and jt of the city girls) giving them career advice. literally after both lives, clips were being posted online and people were speaking about how nicki spoke to them, making her seem as if she were being condescending to them. those girls took nicki minaj’s advice and their careers flourished. coi leray no longer had thin skin dealing with the public and stopped letting them hinder her from releasing music. jt built a brand outside the city girls, even dropping a solo single that she was afraid to drop cause she didn’t feel confident standing alone.

- nicki minaj is also known for asking explicit questions when she’s doing queen radio or just being on live with people. recently she asked kai cenat what his favorite position was. 😭

9H IN TAURUS: 🎤🎨🎭

- nicki minaj attended la laguardia high school of music & art and performing arts from 1996-2000. she originally wanted to be a singer but failed her singing audition for the school but got in due to her passing the drama audition.

the 9h rules over higher education but astrologers do debate if high school should be categorized in the 3h or 9h. so again take everything i say with a grain of salt.

- i think this is really self explanatory but her going to school (9h) originally for singing (taurus) just makes a lot of sense. cause the sign taurus is venus ruled and venus rules over all arts.

- also minaj has a venus ruled 2h (libra) and that can show a beautiful singing voice but quality of her singing is afflicted due to the presence of pluto here.

TALENT AND HOBBIES:🤹🏽‍♀️🎨✍🏾

- nicki minaj is a talented rapper known for her complex lyrics and many different styles of rap. wether she’s being sexually explicit, dissing her rivals, being emotionally vulnerable, or just being boastful. she’s able to do it all. she’s even dabbled outside of the “hip-hop” sound incorporating many different genres of music in her artistry.

- so let’s go back to the 3h since it rules over all forms of communication even writing. a lot of writers have a prominent 3h because the 3h deals with the mind. to be a writer it takes a lot brainstorming to come up with different ideas to write about. nicki minaj has jupiter and saturn in the 3h. with jupiter the planet of expansion in here, i can see somebody who has a lot going on in their mind and is very knowledgeable when it comes to knowing things. nicki minaj is a rapper and she constantly makes references to people, places, and things. with saturn being here aswell i can see that communications wasn’t something she was good at when she first started but over time she got better with it. this can definitely be seen throughout her career with all her different musical efforts. she even spoke about how lil wayne used to get mad with her cause she would take days to write verses (slow moving saturn). eventually nicki minaj learned how to write verses within one studio session.

- then the ruler of her 3h (mars) is in her 5h (creativity, talent, hobbies). which can show he she expresses her creativity through her writing (rapping). since her 3h ruler also shares rulers with the 8h she can transforms herself through her writing since the 8h rules over transformation. which makes sense cause nicki minaj often transforms herself into different alter egos when performing her raps. it can also explain why she’s sexually charged in her music since the 8h deals with sex and so does her 8h ruler that is situated in the 5h. also nicki minaj didn’t take rapping seriously at first, it was a hobby of hers that she later turned into a career. lastly since mars is associated with anger, confidence, combativeness, and competitiveness. it shows why nicki minaj disses her enemies in her raps and why she continues to remind her competitors why she’s the reigning queen of hip-hop.

- also something i wanted to add since we’re talking about the 3h and 5h. nicki minaj did two songs with ice spice who is a confirmed virgo rising (via herself). she’s also a capricorn sun and mercury. both those planets fall into nicki’s 5h of creativity, making it easy for nicki to collab with her multiple times. also she said what drew her to ice spice was her voice (mercury) and individuality (sun)

6H & 10H: 👩🏾‍💼🏆✨

- nicki minaj began her rap career apart of a group called the “hoodstarz” in 2003. they were your run of the mill rap group following the rap trends of that time even minaj having a more aggressive rap delivery reminiscent of females rappers she listened to in the 90s (lil kim, foxy brown, queen latifah, ect). during the time in the group minaj had been offered pre-written lyrics which minaj constantly rejected. her reasoning was because she never wanted anyone to be able to say they wrote for her, like past female rappers and the simple fact that rappers are suppose to write their own raps. to this day minaj still stands on this belief and it has become intertwined with her career.

- in 2007 nicki minaj released her first mixtape entitled “playtime is over”, where she began rapping in a more feminine & seductive tone of voice with sexually charged lyrics. which wasn’t uncommon in female rap at the time but minaj’s delivery is what set her apart from her peers who used a more aggressive approach. after, minaj worked on and released two mixtapes where she started introducing alter egos one being called “nicki lewinsky” the name being a play on monica lewinsky who is notoriously known for engaging in sexual activities with president bill clinton. this alter ego was just nicki minaj being sexually explicit. another being the “harajuku barbie” later known as just “barbie” is minaj super hyper feminine side often rapping in a prissy voice and rapping about things that would be seen as boujee. this alter ego is famously tied to the nicki minaj brand, often associating her with the doll of the same name and the color pink.

- minaj gained a social media following which eventually led to her being signed by young money entertainment. prior to this minaj was offered deals in which she turned down because she didn’t want to sign a 360 deal, a deal that is famously known to hinder artist finically and restrict them artistically.

- after signing minaj began working on her debut album and doing features. in which she famously debuted her rap alter ego “roman” who she describes as a gay man that lives inside her who wants to attack everyone. through this alter ego minaj lets out her aggression, often using this alter ego to bash critics and diss her enemies.

- also during this time, minaj started wearing outfits that were unconventional for a hip-hop artist and deemed as “camp”. minaj has never explained why she wore these outfits i’m guessing it was to garner attention. she herself despises her look from that era of her career. lastly minaj started dabbling in other genres of music and gaining more success from doing so. she famously is known for her crossover rap/pop music which at the time alienated her from the hip-hop community cause it was seen as something taboo.

- minaj has become the highest selling/most successful female rapper ever. having the most chart entries on the hot 100 among female rappers, a diamond single, and all 4 of her studio albums certified platinum or higher. her career didn’t just stay in music, minaj has dipped her hands in many pots. from acting to voice acting, from having multiple clothing lines to having multiple perfume lines, and from owning an alcoholic beverage to owning a gaming app. she even appeared as a judge on the tv show american idol. minaj has done it all and continues to expand her brand.

- if nicki minaj was a virgo rising she would have aquarius in the 6h which could explain her unconventional approach to female rap which would be her job. her 6h ruler (saturn) is in the 3h which shows a constant need of mental stimulation in her workplace. i feel like that shows with nicki minaj constantly coming up with new ideas for her genre bending music. i also feel as though the aquarius 6h shows why minaj is against ghost writers and 360 deals, cause these are forms conforming. the sign aquarius is often associated with being rebellious, and unconventional which is a major theme in nicki minaj’s career and daily life.

- minaj’s mc would possibly be in gemini and that just fits her so much. the signs gemini is associated with communication cause it’s ruler mercury. so people with a gemini mc’s often have careers that allow them to use their voice. nicki minaj is a rapper with her mc ruler (mercury) conjuct venus which explains why she chose a career in music, after all rap is “rhythm and poetry”. gemini is a mutable sign and mutable placements are able to adapt and change. the sign gemini is often associated with the saying “jack of all trades, master of none” due to the sign’s love of learning many different subjects. so this can speak to nicki minaj dabbling in many different ventures outside of music.

- also her mc, ascendant, and ascendant ruler are all in mutable signs (gemini,virgo, sagittarius). minaj is constantly changing her look, sound, and public persona with each era of music.

- i forgot to mention above but minaj is constantly being misunderstood by the public, resulting in her being controversial. this is probably due to her mc ruler (mercury) being opposite her mc in its detrimental sign of sagittarius.

11H IN CANCER: 🫂🌙✨

- the 11H in astrology deals with friends, fans, influence, manifesting, technology, financial gains, social networking, and many many many more things.

- nicki minaj’s fans are notoriously known for being vicious towards anyone who speaks ill on nicki minaj. this makes sense cause nicki minaj’s 11h is in cancer and cancer is ruled by the moon, so her fans would want to nurture and protect her. her moon is in an exact trine with mars which can show her fans more toxic and aggressive approach to defending her. it can also show why nicki minaj was able to build a fan base through social media (myspace) cause again her 3H ruler (mars) is in trine with her 11th house ruler and the 3h rules social media in astrology.

- her 11h ruler is also in the 1h. i feel as though this can be interpreted as nicki minaj gaining popularity and influencing others with her appearance. nicki minaj had everybody and their mothers wearing pink streaks in their hair and rocking barbie chains. she also infamously influenced a trend in female rap where female rappers get their bodies done to be more appealing. recently nicki wore crocs in a ig photo and increased croc sales by 4,900%. another example of a female artist with this placement would be madonna, who is a rumored virgo rising. madonna’s style had so much influence during the 1980s, which led to time magazine writing an article about it and coining the phrase “madonna wannabe”.

- minaj would also have her northnode in the 11h as well. this makes sense cause the northnode represents your life’s purpose and it being in her 11h indicates how she was suppose to impact society. nicki minaj’s career showed record labels how marketable female rappers can be after them giving up on signing female rappers prior to minaj’s debut. this has led to record labels signing multiple female rappers even one label atlantic records trying to sign female rappers to go against minaj.

- outside of female rap, in 2016 nicki minaj won a case that allowed artist’s streams to count towards their album sales and single sales. allowing artist old or new, to receive certifications for their work.

APPEARANCE: 💇🏾‍♀️👁️🫦

- before i jump into the appearance i wanted to state that nicki minaj did get her body done but not her face. she also got her body done because she felt insecure seeing all the women lil wayne had around in the studio who had big butts. lil wayne would talk about big butts to other men around her all the time. so she felt like she wasn’t desirable cause she didn’t have a big butt. this makes sense cause lil wayne would have a stellium in her 2h (sun, mercury, saturn) and in astrology the 2h deals with self esteem so people who have placements here can literally make you feel unstoppable or make you feel like complete shit. she also has her chart ruler (mercury) conjunct neptune, making it prominent in her chart and neptune prominent people are more likely to get surgery.

- also, not all virgo rising dress alike. we’re not all trying to look like a librarian who lives in a cabin. ice spice, kurt kobian, and chole bailey are all virgo risings do they look like librarians?!!?! so whoever started that stereotype is not seeing the golden gates. if you want to see somebodies aesthetic it’s best to look at their venus sign.

- so virgo rising tend to have diamond shape heads

- dainty facial features with the nose being the most prominent feature

- expressive eyes

- youthful appearance

- defined face especially the jaw but not harshly defined, some say its like if you gave a baby facial structure

- high cheek bones

- symmetrical features

- proportional body

so below i’m gonna include pictures of nicki minaj from her 20s which is considered your physical prime before you start aging

|IN CONCLUSION|

- we don’t know what nicki minaj’s rising sign at the moment but i will bet money it’s not a damn aquarius rising. i was looking at the charts of her lovers and husband and their placements would make sense in this hypothetical chart i’ve made so i might make a post about that. - seemy 💕

#zodiac #astrology #astrology observations #virgo rising #astro notes #astrology placements #astro community #nicki minaj #astrology tumblr #barbz

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jbaileyfansite · 5 months

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Jonathan Bailey and Matt Bomer's Interview with The Hollywood Reporter (2023)

“Johnny B! Johnny B!” Matt Bomer exclaims as he logs in to Zoom to join his Fellow Travelers co-star, Jonathan Bailey, to do press for their critically acclaimed Showtime limited series.

“Hey, Matty Mo,” Bailey replies.

The actors spent about six months filming the eight-episode series — so, of course, they’ve established a playful bond. On this particular day, they’ve even given each other nicknames.

“I don’t think I’ve ever called Matt ‘Matty Mo’ in my life,” a smiling Bailey says.

“I love Matty Mo,” Bomer replies. “Listen, I love Matty Mo. I appreciate it.”

Bomer and Bailey built a brotherhood and onscreen chemistry for the historical romantic drama about two male political staffers who fall in love at the height of the Lavender Scare, a time when homosexuals were banned from holding positions in the federal government. The series — based on Thomas Mallon’s 2007 novel of the same name — follows their intense affair into the ’80s, also visiting Vietnam War protests and the AIDS crisis.

Zoom, it turns out, is where the actors first met, reading lines together to see if there was magic. And there was.

Since debuting in late October, Fellow Travelers has had an overwhelming response from viewers — some connecting directly with Bomer’s Hawkins Fuller, a veteran and State Department official who carefully hides his homosexuality, or with Bailey’s Tim Laughlin, an eager and naive congressional staffer who falls hard for Hawk. Others have identified with some of the supporting cast, including Allison Williams in the role of Hawk’s wife, Lucy Smith, and breakout stars Jelani Alladin as reporter Marcus Hooks and Noah J. Ricketts as drag performer Frankie Hines, whose gay Black love story is one of the show’s many highlights.

“It’s so nice to be able to have discourse with people who are responding to the show. That’s been really refreshing and enlightening,” says Bomer, who is also an executive producer on the series.

Bailey, best known for Bridgerton and his theater work, says he was drawn to the show because “it felt new and it hadn’t been done in this way — in an elevated, eight-hour, rich aesthetic with gay actors.

“The queer experience is so different for so many people,” he adds, “but the one thing that unites the queer experience is these moments in history.”

In an interview with THR, Bomer and Bailey talk about prepping for their roles and being gay while playing gay, while also breaking down those milk and toe-sucking scenes.

What has it been like to have people connect emotionally to the series?

MATT BOMER: I won’t name names or anything, but I’ve known people over the years who’ve made similar choices that Hawk made in order to survive. Not governmentally — I mean in a society that certainly didn’t want to see them succeed. But for me, the most refreshing thing has been the young people who are really engaged in the show and knew nothing about the Lavender Scare, and are speaking to the show and the characters, but also, aspects of our history that they were unaware of that the show has — I don’t want to say taught them about, because it’s not a teaching tool — but they’ve learned about through the show.

JONATHAN BAILEY: When people respond in that way and you hear their personal stories, it’s amazing that people feel that they want to share that. It’s the most grounding thing to tell a story and investigate a time or a period or a movement, that hopefully leaves an imprint on people, and/or catalyzes them to tell people and talk about their own stuff. That’s the dream, really.

Jonathan, it’s so heartbreaking to watch Tim hurting in various scenes. What were you pulling from to give such a strong emotional performance?

BAILEY: Thirty-five years on this earth. (Laughs.) Drawing it from the ground. Naturally, it’s totally parts of me and parts of people that I know, experiences that you think of. Tim’s character arc is so huge, and [I wanted] to capture his youth in those early moments and then expand into what breaks such a pure, optimistic, passionate soul and all the different ways in which that could show itself. There were moments on set that you couldn’t help but be incredibly moved by.

We found ourselves filming by coincidence on World Aids Day. It is really not hard to feel the importance, but also just the grief is palpable in the stories. And there is a lineage — you inherit this in your community. It just felt like an opportunity to learn as much as I possibly could, generally, about the queer experience. We are surrounded by amazing gay men, as well. And then, of course, I’ve lived my life trying to understand the gay experience, so it wasn’t a shallow pool to [pull from].There’s a well there.

Matt, your character is so cutthroat, but obviously there’s sympathy for him, as well. What was it like playing Hawk?

BOMER: Hawk does what he has to do to survive. He has his empathy and his allegiances, but anything that calls his survival into question, there are immediate and severe boundaries. But then enters Tim, who is so guileless and so full of love and all the things that Hawk wishes he could be at his core, or maybe once was before certain aspects of his life changed that or his point of view about that. You’re always looking for a shadow in your character, and it was so refreshing — he obviously has a public persona, a veneer that he presents to the world in order to maneuver in it, but he really leads with a lot of the more shadowy aspects of a typical character. It’s the love and the more open and vulnerable aspects that are his shadow in many ways. That was an interesting flip for me to get to sink my teeth into.

It’s profound to have two gay actors playing two gay characters on a TV show. Did you ever think something like this could exist?

BOMER: Honestly, no. My mind has been blown so many times over the past 20 years. I’m just so grateful that the gatekeepers gave us this opportunity. I was doubtful, almost up to the 25th hour on this, that they were really going to put the money and the opportunity into this series that they did. And I’m just so grateful that people who are in the position of calling the shots gave us the chance to tell the story — and the way we needed to.

BAILEY: It’s the Tims of the industry, who are searching for more, who are deconstructing, who are questioning. Because they’re all a similar peer group — [series creator] Ron [Nyswaner] knows Dante [Di Loreto, executive producer of Glee and P-Valley], who’s at Fremantle [which produced the show], and they’ve worked together for years. This isn’t something that just got commissioned overnight, because there’s a wave of progress. The people who are really doing it, as well as the actors, are the people in positions of power who have worked their way up with these questions.

And it’s funny, the one thing I have thought over the years is — I’ve just looked at gay characters, they’re such rich, brilliant, oppressed, complicated, joyous characters to play, so of course people want to play them. And this is a brilliant example of: What better way to do a character study of two polar-opposite gay characters than have gay people play them? But that’s what I felt growing up. I just thought, “Of course people want to play those parts,” which is great. It’s just, what happens if, just for a moment, gay people play them?

And I do think that everyone can play everything, and that’s what we should be headed toward. But I do think there’s a balance that needs, and needed, addressing. And there are a lot of people whose questioning and hard work have created a world in which this can fly.

BOMER: I agree with you wholeheartedly. And it is the Tims of the industry or maybe some Hawks, too, hoping for retribution.

BAILEY: That’s true. We stand on the shoulders of all the Hawks, as well.

BOMER: (Laughs.)

BAILEY: [The Hawks] did all the work at MGM, yes. (Laughs.)

Jonathan, your character drinking milk in the series got a lot of attention.

BAILEY: It was a brilliant way of showing such naiveté, and immediately you know that this is a character who’s completely outside the world Hawk inhabits, and he sees the world completely differently. He’s so open. It’s so interesting, isn’t it? Because, it’s funny that Tim leads with his heart and his openness and his childlike wonder, and his shadows are his compulsive nature of constantly needing something that he can’t fill. There’s a moment in episode six — they’re in Frankie’s flat, and I was like, “He’s got to be drinking milk.”

BOMER: There was a power shift in episode eight, too.

BAILEY: Exactly. The milk was on the call sheet. It’s a character in its own right. And also the milk’s character arc is more dramatic than everyone else. Give it a spinoff, I say. (Laughs.)

There was also that toe-sucking scene. Jonathan, did you get the script and it said “suck toe”?

BOMER: Just “suck toe.” (Laughs.)

BAILEY: It was very, very precisely written down — it was as precise as it needed to be. I saw that as an incredible way to dissect power. I got it when I read it, and I wasn’t intimidated by it. I was just like, “If in the first episode that’s what we are doing, it’s going to be worth five months moving to Toronto, and it’s going to be a series that I would want to watch.” Because not only is it incredibly complicated, not only is it really hot, it’s also something that masks as being provocative, but actually it’s really psychologically impactful and the people who get it get it.

BOMER: I think all those scenes were a really external representation of what was going on with these characters internally, emotionally. And for me, it was really refreshing to see the gay love scenes brought to light in a really unflinching way.

BAILEY: The shock and overwhelm and the tantalizing chemical combustion that happens seeing it — it’s a greater sensory experience because that’s exactly what it meant for Tim in that moment. It captures exactly what’s going on for Hawk and Tim, hopefully, allowing the viewer to experience a bodily reaction to it in the same way, whatever that may be.

Source

#fellow travelers #jonathan bailey #matt bomer #interviews #interviews:2023 #the hollywood reporter interview #NEW!

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prettyboykatsuki · 8 days

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i've been very far home, my heart | nightowl (blooming panic)

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ tags; established relationship, hurt/comfort, feelings of inadequacy / low self worth, gn!reader (they wear heels and have manicured nails, but otherwise nondescript. no gendered language), role reversal, arguing / messy human behavior, suggestive towards the end, they are implied to be the same height 🫡

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ wc ; 3.7k (added 500 to wc in editing. ok)

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ a/n ; bro idk what happened here FDHJDKDKJ. my sleep meds were making me feel super hungover, i got a little cooked on the devils lettuce and then wrote this?? and it wasn't bad lmaoaoa??

i really like this blonde twink ive known for three days. he is like. so extremely, hilariously my type and exactly like several ppl i've dated so this end up being a reflective piece on being a giver n navigating adult relationships.

title is from where we go by jelani aryeh

The bathroom light is on.

It’s spilling underneath the door frame when you come in from work later than usual. It’s busy season, with new clientele - all of which require socializing around drinks and expensive dinners to secure them. It’s nearly 1am, and you’ve taken two Ubers to get back home from the restaurant all the way across town that you’ve been mingling at since nine.

You closed the deal though, and your boss (perhaps seeing the visible exhaustion in your eyes) has given you the go-ahead on taking a few days off. The consulting part of your financial advising job could wait until Monday, which was a relief to hear. You came home expecting Nightowl to be up. He’s always up this late, and when he is - he rarely limits himself to one room in the apartment. You have a routine to it. You sleep in the dark bedroom and Owl tries not to make so much noise as to wake you.

You texted him you’d be late, and he’d read it but didn’t reply. Too worn down to think anything of It at the time, you slept on two car rides rather irresponsibly and were unsure of what to feel when your apartment didn’t have any lights from the outside upon arrival. Youwalked in after that, wondering if your eyes had been playing tricks. But the house was still dark, both upstairs and down stairs - in the bedroom and in the office. The only place you could find any trace of life was in the bathroom.

You’ve only left your bag on the couch downstairs. Worry makes your brows furrow as you turn the door knob to your shared bathroom and walk in. The clinical scent of bleach is the first thing to grasp your senses, jolting you awake from the haze of steam and leftover buzz of alcohol.

You cough a little, and find Nightowl on the bathroom floor. There’s a bottle of peach soju on the counter, and a few open packets of developer and mixing bowls. Owl is drunk already you think, or at the very least tipsy, moreso than you. The hot blush on his skin makes you think he’s been at it for a while. You try not to monitor his liquor intake too much, but the concern you feel is immediate and not helped by where you find him.

His body is slumped against the gray wall closes to the tub, sitting on the tile with a different bottle in his hand. His phone is face down beside him and he’s not noticed you come in. Your frown deepens as your heels click slightly on the tile. Crouching down at the knee, you reach your hand out for his forehead. His skin is so hot it’s scorching. You sober up almost instantly.

Even in his inebriated state, he seems to recognize you. His smile is wide, but you don’t feel like it reaches his eyes.

“Oh, so you decided to come home after all!”

You smile sadly followed with a curt nod. “Sorry.”

“Don’t really see what the point is in you apologizing when you’ve already been so late,” He says jovial. You try not to let it sting. You remind yourself that he’s drunk and stifle a sigh again. “But welcome home!”

“Were you gonna bleach your hair?”

“Isn’t that obvious?”

“Yeah,” You reply, choosing to sigh that time. His lip wobbles a little and you try not to say anything more. “Do you want help?”

“Sure. Whatever.”

You mumble something about being right back and Nightowl hums in affirmation. A feeling washes over you. Bone-deep exhaustion crushing your lungs and making you wheeze when you step out of the bleach-scented bathroom. When you’re distance enough away that he won’t hear you - closer to your bedroom door, you breathe in and out, calming yourself down. After you feel more centered, you open your shared room door and take a stool from along the wall, bringing it with you into the bathroom. Nightowl doesn’t turn his head to look at you until you place it. Sharing a glance with each other, he gets up on his own and sits himself on the placed stool dramatically and you give him a weak smile through the mirror he doesn’t bother returning.

You’re quiet as you leave the door open a touch to make sure the steam doesn’t overheat you both. Shrugging off your suit jacket, you fold it and hang it on the towel racks behind you. You unbutton your sleeves and roll them into neat folds on both arms, and before digging into one of your bathroom drawers for plastic gloves. Sliding them onto your manicured fingers, you pick up the bowl of developer from the side of the counter and mix it using the provided brush until it’s all smooth.

Nightowl is unusually silent through the entire thing. If he weren’t fidgeting, you could barely tell he was there. It’s so difficult to see him that way. You try not to blame yourself too much.

“Gonna start,”

“Uh-huh,”

A longing passes over you in the warm, sterile air. The coolness from the A.C. in the rest of your apartment dries down the sheen of sweat your accumulated while out socializing. Your feet are killing you and your shoulders are aching and your lungs feel like you can’t get enough air out of them. That’s busy season for you. The price of your job with all of it’s stability and benefits is the annual stretch of months where you are so busy you feel like you are drowning.

It’s one thing to be so mind-numbingly busy when you’re single and only worried about not dying. Another though to have a partner waiting for you, who you love and would like to be with - who you’ve admittedly not done well in paying attention to. You’ve tried you think. Made some attempts, but it doesn’t feel good enough and it certainly isn’t enough for Nightowl. You know that, too. You look down at where your hands are applying the bleach, dazed - using only muscle memory to apply it to the roots and strands of his hair. You want to touch him. To press kisses into his spine, drunk and elated, and press your cheek to his shoulder and confess your undying love until he’s giggly all over again.

The thought of adoration soothes you. Makes you smile to yourself even amongst the unforgiving atmosphere. Nightowl doesn’t care for that, his face growing even more frustrated.

“Thought of something fun? Glad at least one of us is having a good time.”

Your eyes meet his in the mirror. He looks away when he sees how pained you look, and you shut your eyes trying not to react. “Sorry.”

“Stop saying that,” He frowns, though he seems more sad than you.

“S—“ You clear your throat and laugh humorlessly at yourself. “Okay,”

You go about your business. Many things cross your mind but you can’t wrangle your thoughts into anything cohesive enough to say. Your jaw tightens a little, like your mouth wants to practice syllables it can’t remember. The distraction of rubbing bleach into Nightowls roots is welcome. His hair is a lot healthier than it used to be, after a year of forcing him to use hair masks. You admire as you brush through the strands, and Nightowl seems to lost in his own thoughts to say anything in protest. He probably hates this silence more than you. He’s uncharacteristically stiff, and there’s no smalltalk to distract from the surroundings.

You’re not feeling well enough to try and remedy it. Allowing yourself to stonewall and sit in the discomfort is about as much as you can do to reach a hand to your relationship. You probably can’t make it better, but you can do your best not to make it any worse.

“All done,” You mumble, just loud enough for him to hear. You slide the gloves off and toss them into the trash “We should sober up before bed. Hangover before bed sounds awful. Did you,” You hiccup. “Want some?”

He doesn’t reply to you. You press your lips into a flat line, feeling somewhat sorrowful but ultimately resigned. “I’ll make some anyway. And set a timer too while I’m down there. Just, uh - join me. When you’re done here.”

Before you turn to leave, he grabs your wrist. You’re taken aback by the sudden gesture (though there’s not force in it), turning around to look at him. His face is red. Wet tears pool on the corners of his straight, black lashes. Blinking a few times in surprise, you reach your hand to wipe them from the corners. Muscle memory. You find your love for him defined that way. He doesn’t flinch away from the touch, at least.

“Don’t you have something to say to me,” He insists. You frown in genuine confusion, a sad smile pulling at your mouth.

“Thought you told me to stop saying sorry,” You repeat with no malice, smiling a little. “That’s all I’ve got though.”

His lower lip trembles again and you try not to laugh. “God. How could you be so. God.” He sniffles a little. “You could cuss me out. Or like, I dunno, just get mad in general. You’re supposed to be mad, I was,” He cuts himself off.

You laugh a little tiredly, bending down to press your forehead to his. The flush of his skin against your own makes your heart murmur his name. “I don’t have anything to say, my heart.” You assure, smiling. “We’re both pretty tired. But I have tomorrow off. Let’s cool off and talk tomorrow. “Okay?”

“Okay,” He says back, still simmering. “As long as you’re here tomorrow.”

Your heart stings. “For the next two days, promise. I’ll toss my work phone if you want.”

He cracks a smile like that. “Might have to take you up on that, cutie.”

The familiar nickname eases you a bit, making you laugh. “Whatever you want.”

Morning comes unyielding and indifferent, like always.

Sunlight filters through the curtains as your eyes peel open and try to get adjusted to the light. There’s a weight on top of you, and the sound of steady breath. Another heartbeat thumps alongside yours and before you can make much sense of it - you catch the freshly yellow blond roots of your lover as he lays on your chest.

You went to bed last night not even facing each other. The image of him reaching around for you in his sleep and ending up in your arms feels like divine intervention. You admire how perfectly he fits there. Your eyes trace of his features. Thick, straight brows, skin like light gold, a straight nose and full lips. The shock of blonde suits him strangely, makes the dark lines of his other features pop. It’s rare you get to look at him so closely, even more so lately.

The intimacy of his flaws makes your stomach flutter, texture in his skin and eyebags and all. You crane your neck to kiss his hairline and think about returning to sleep in the cocoon of warmth. The cradle of soothes you, makes your eyelids heavy with sleep again. You think it’d be nice to sleep in more, but you don’t want to squander anymore time with Nightowl. Shifting, you pry yourself away from his grasp and tuck him into blankets. You’ll wake him later.

You’re quiet as you tiptoe around the house and get your affairs in order. The bathroom first to shower and brush your teeth, then downstairs to start on breakfast. You take the ritual of it to calm down and ease the leftover nerves of your stomach. It was better to save any conversation for sobriety - so you don’t regret it. Still, you feel a fear lingering. A nagging voice in the back of your head as you flip pancakes and cut fruit and pour juice.

The eerie silence of Saturday morning pushes you to reflect. It’s rare you fight like this. Even more rare that Nightowl reverts to that kind of angriness, which is why you find you can’t get upset. Not even the sound of sizzling and frying can keep your mind from wandering.

Inadequacy is familiar. An old winter jacket, too sizes too small and ill-fitting but full of your own personhood. One of the things you and Nightowl bonded over a long time ago.

You did well in school, in college, made a career for yourself. It’s making up for the rest of you, you think.

At least you’re good at your job, even if the rest of you is not worth mentioning. The ghost of feeling like you are, in some basic and intrinsic way, not good enough likes to shake you every now and again. Not friend, nor partner. It’s not something you easily get rid of, despite how far you’ve grown past it. Or around it. Or ahead of it. Wherever you’ve ended up, occasions come that knock the feeling loose from your deepest memories. You work hard to cover for it.

You like to logic your way out of the guilt when you’ve poured so much into it and people drift. A self-fulfilling prophecy. Usually that works. Tuck your emotions into neat compartments, throw yourself further into your work, don’t drink too heavily or be alone with anyone for too long. Ignore everything, do it by yourself so you’re still worth something, wait until it’s over. Eventually it all comes to pass, and you come out of the other end alive - but alone.

You can’t do that anymore though. It’s hard to remember that. Isolation is no longer the answer, because there is someone (multiple people, really) who will feel lonely without you. Even if it’s unfathomable to you, even if it’s hard to remember. The consequences creep up like this, and your left with the emotional void of making a bad situation worse. Sorry is the only word you know. There are so many things to be sorry for.

You’re so lost in thought you burn a pancake and have to toss it. You also seem to miss the presence of another person in your shared space until Nightowl comes and wraps his arms around your shoulders. Turning the heat down, you shift to face him. He looks exhausted but he must’ve come down after washing up.

“You’re awake.”

“Mhm.” He says, still sleepy. A smile pulls at the corners of your mouth. “So are you. And you’re making me breakfast.”

You laugh. “I am. So, go sit down.” And then, a little more serious. “We have a lot to talk about but I’d rather do it on a full stomach.”

“We’re in an argument and you’re still taking care of me.” Sadness bleeds into his words.

You reply without skipping a beat, going back to the stove to pour some more batter. “Well, its not like I don’t love you anymore.”

There’s a long, long pause of silence that alarms you once you recognize it. Once you hear sniffling, you whip around again to see Nightowl weeping a little as he leans against the counter. Alarms go off in your head, once again turning the stove down. You wrap your arms around his waist loosely, bending down to get a closer look at him. He’s cover his face with his hands.

“Ugh,” His voice is thick and heavy. “Can you not be so nice and perfect and angelic? I’m trying really hard to be mad at you and I’m failing like a loser.”

You can tell there’s some sincerity in his words, though you ignore the first half of his statement. “I don’t want to make you feel bad.”

He pulls away then, looks at you incredulous. “You’re so,” His hands curl at your chest as you hug him slightly. You’re confused but don’t say anything. “God, you’re so frustrating.”

“Sorry,” You say apologetically. “Don’t mean to make you cry either. Feel like I’m going that a lot. We should really eat.”

“Don’t want to,” He whines a little as he says. “Just. I want to kiss and makeup already.”

You smile a little before humming.

“We should talk about it, then.”

Nightowl just nods, and you take that as permission to just go. You do your best to get the words out.

“I really love you,” You say first, and then sigh. Nightowl clings onto you tighter and listens instead of interjecting, which must mean he’s feeling serious. “And uhm, was already feeling bad about myself. And then I got busy which made it worse cause I couldn’t really you know… be there for you, so I ended up pulling away to figure it out alone and then got even busier. Which was isolating for you, and I’m sorry for that. It’s hard to like.. I dunno. Lean on you. On anyone.” You laugh a little. “Is that too vague?”

“It makes sense to me but…what were you feeling bad about, even?”

“Well I was busy before that, so I just felt shitty about being a bad partner to you. In general, don’t feel like I deserve you but then you know,” You sigh “It was shitty of me.”

“Are you kidding me?” He says. His face is twisted in a pout. “You’re seriously being all mopey ‘cause you think you’re a bad partner when you’re like… literally the best ever? Like, that I’ve ever had?”

You’re too surprised to say anything. “Is that not why were arguing?”

“I mean,” His frown deepens, and he presses his face against your chest. “Ugh. So embarrassing. I am upset because you’re so busy and we haven’t spent time together but that’s like… totally not your fault, yknow? I’m being super clingy and I was just… really lonely yesterday.”

“Sorry for making you feel lonely.”

“Stop apologizing or I’m gonna bite you, ‘kay cutie?” He says seriously. You relent with a worrisome smile and encourage him to keep going. “I was getting like… all pathetic. Cause I thought you didn’t want me anymore, didn’t even occur to me something was wrong. I’m so sorry about that, about all of it - god. I shouldn’t have lashed out on you. I hate that it still gets so bad when we've been together so long. I just missed you so fucking much. And I think so highly of you, I couldn’t help but be all torn up about the idea that you were pulling away cause you didn’t want me.”

“I do want you. I’m just surprised you want me sometimes.”

“You’re dumb,” He whispers with no bite at all. “That’s my line. You’re like literally perfect to me.”

“So we got in a fight ‘cause we needed to be with each other,” You say with a long pause, then laugh. “How silly.”

“Guess so,” He says back with a little frown. “Are we okay?”

“We’re okay,”

You share a brief moment of comfortable, understanding silence. It feels easier to breathe. Even though it’s messy and foolish, you love being with him. It makes you feel real and whole - wanted to be missed that much.

“I missed you too by the way,” You reply with utmost sincerity. “Only thing I thought of all night was how much I wanted to hold you.”

“You’re making me blush.” He says with a loopy little smile. “Y’mean that?”

“More than anything.” You reply. “I like being with you. I like taking care of you. I like that you’re needy and jealous and temperamental.”

“Stopppp,” He groans and you laugh aloud, leaning forward to place a kiss on his jaw. “Not that I hate being told what you like about me but it’s making my tummy flutter.”

“I like loving you,” You say with some finality. “I feel really shitty when I feel like I’m failing at it because I take pride in being good at that.”

“Jeez,” His face is bright pink when you pull away. “You shouldn’t think of yourself so little, yanno? Not that this is a surprise but yesterday I was like, totally acting awful to you. I really am sorry I let it get that bad, I was just really worked up. Even right now you make me so happy, it feels a little unfair to me. I want to be with you all the time. So sometimes when I can’t I just get like… awful. And stupid. And want to throw a bunch of dumb tantrums about it.”

You nod in understanding. “It did hurt my feelings but I really didn’t feel like it was undeserved.”

“It was totally undeserved!”

You crack a little smile. “Agree to disagree?”

He grabs your face with both hands, knocking your foreheads together. “It was undeserved, no take backs. I’m sorry I hurt you and always will be. Stop being so nitpicky about yourself, kay? I’m literally crazy about you.”

“Me too,” You crane your neck to kiss his palm where it cradles your face. “I adore you, baby.”

“I like being adored by you,” He says with a sweetness that makes your heart melt. “I like loving you too of course, but attention is… nice. You know.”

He makes a face at you as you say this that you can only describe as a grin, before pushing himself forward to press a long kiss to your lips. You laugh a little into, smile splitting your face at the intensity he kisses you at first thing in the morning. Over and over, pulling and pushing - giggling as you chase his mouth as he pulls away.

“We kissed but I dunno if we’ve made up,” He says. Concern briefly passes over your expression. “Got some really good ideas about how we could do that.”

You give him a flat look but can’t contain your laughter.

“We should really eat breakfast,”

He puts a hand at the top of your waistband with lidded eyes and smiles. “There’s something else I wanna eat first though?”

You pretend to be exasperated.

“Jesus. We just made-up and you wanna fuck already?”

“Duh. That’s like, the best part,”

You snort. “We’ll go once and then I’m making you eat breakfast even if I have to force it down your throat.”

“Ooh, feeling rough I see,”

You snort. “Yeah, guess so.” You shoot him a little look, leaning into whisper and nip at his ears. “On your knees for me, baby.”

He giggles a little, giddy with mischief in his face. “Mmkay,”

He presses a cheek to your clothed thigh, lovesick. “I love you,”

You can’t help but laugh at his choice of when to say it and simply reply back in full adoration. “I love you too, my heart.”

a/n ; ANOTHER AUTHORS NOTE? sorry for being the ceo of yapping im insane

i just want to like. give some insight on this fight bc im worried it seems onesided. reader has low self esteem and really beats themself over their own expectations in everything. they isolate when they're overwhelmed and work was already doing that to them. and then things got busier, which meant there wasn't really time to repair the relationship between them which is why nightowl gets as mad as he does.

nightowl is deathly afraid of being unloved and abandoned, and he get a little caught up in his self hate that they fail to realize something is going on with their partner. so he lashes it out and it feels warranted but he gets like guilty bc reader doesn't react to the goading any differently

i think nightowl is a very complicated but incredibly familiar character. he's a little selfish but i find him incredibly endearing and i have a strong desire to dote on him and monopolize him. which was the intent for this fic. but i ended up just exploring real life relationship dynamics between a character like this. very selfless x selfish. they love each other and find fulfillment in this. i love them.

#nightowl x reader #blooming panic x reader #bloomic x reader #nightowl bp x reader #writing tag #this is literally so random #idk what tag ettiquette is for this? bc the game is self insert so i feel like tagging with main tags is probs fine but its riskyyy lmao #nightowl blooming panic

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hookhausenschips · 3 months

Text

Burning Rubber

Twelve

Series Masterlist

Word Count: 3,412

Summary: Lando and Azha go through even more drama which leads to the ultimate decision for their relationship.

Warnings: Lando is a fucking idiot, stubbornness, emotional cheating?, yeahhh

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A/N: Happy Wednesday, We're back baby!

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Azha’s POV

“No Erica, I don't want a new trainer. Chase has been with me since day one.” I said as I sat on my private jet heading to Vegas from Munich. I heard her sigh over the phone, “Azha, you have to have another one.” She tried to argue as I shook my head. “No. I don’t. If they’re so adamant about it they can find a new driver for the season.” I spoke before hanging up, I’m sure Kiara was the one to call her.

Erica was my “brand” manager so whatever brands sponsor me or anything that has to do with publicity from a professional standpoint, she’s the one in charge of that aspect while Kiara is my personal manager. “She’s only trying to help,” Liana whispered as she looked up from her book. I groaned, “I’m over it. How much longer until we’re landed?” I was thankful my sister flew out when I called her mid-breakdown about Lando and the whole situation. I was close to losing my mind. “20 minutes tops,” she replied before going back to her book. He continued to blow up my phone but I couldn’t bring myself to answer, I was emotionally exhausted from it. I mean fans know the truth already so why is it such an issue to show our love freely, who fucking cares what other people think about it, It’s our relationship, not theirs or so I thought.

Ah, Vegas let’s make better memories because last time was such shit. “There she is!” I heard as Liana and I deboarded from the plane. I grinned seeing my brothers and I then dropped my luggage running then jumping into their arms. “Damn, that was the force of a linebacker.” Jirani groaned. I laughed, “I missed you guys.” But before they could reply Liana spoke up beside us, “Alright enough, I’m starving for some real food you guys can catch up later.” The three of us looked at each other as she climbed into the SUV. “Man, she is your clone with that attitude.” Ja Khel spoke as we all climbed in after putting the luggage in the trunk. My soul felt a little lighter being with them after the time I just had.

Later that evening

“She’s beautiful.” I gasped as my brother showed me the new wrap on my car. It was a gray with an iridescent butterfly. Not too much but also not too little, perfect in my eyes. “Had a feeling you would like it. Wanna show it off at the local pit meet?” Ja Khel asked as I turned to look at him. “Do you even have to ask?” I replied but before I could get to my car he stopped me, “You know just because you’re going through a tough time doesn’t mean you have no one to talk to alright? I know how you are, don’t let this eat at your head. There’s nothing you did wrong for life to go this way, it’s just a part of the path.” He then hugged me before going to his car. I sniffled, dumbass I don’t cry over no guy why would you do that right now I thought to myself as I started my car and followed him to the meet. Maybe I wasn’t ready for another relationship like I had thought.

Arriving at the meet felt like I was home. The atmosphere and energy plus the smell of burnt rubber rising from the asphalt. I felt at peace amongst the storm of emotions happening in my head. I pulled up next to my brothers and parked next to them. I noticed they were both talking to someone so to bide my time I decided to check my face in the mirror. Thank whatever makeup god for tubing mascara I thought to myself as I touched up my face. Getting out I was greeted by the sound of loud engines and tires skidding against the pavement. I walked to my brothers but froze when I realized who they were talking to, Sterling and Jelani.

I could feel my heart rate skyrocket as I started to look around to see if Nova and Sariyah were near. “They’re not here, you don’t have to worry. We haven’t seen them in a long time.” I heard a voice speak up to my right. I turned and it was Sterling. I smiled weakly and nodded, “Hey Star.” I whispered. “Hey Skye long time no see.” He greeted me.

I felt awkward considering I had left the group with really no explanation and cut contact even though there was no issue with the guys. As if reading my thoughts he placed a hand on my shoulder, “We get it, you wanted to separate from the negativity in your life so with that you had moved on to bigger things. We’re not mad at you about it, we would’ve done the same. Get out of that head of yours, we’ll always be family. Now come on I know Jelani and Zamari are going to be happy to see you again.” I nodded as he placed his arm around my shoulder and guided me to the small group. “Hey guys I found a straggler,” Sterling said as they turned to look at us. My eyes fell on both Jelani and then Zamari. After a bout of silence, Zamari tugged me into his arms, and my body relaxed. “Good to see you kid.” He spoke into my hair as I hugged him back.

Then I was pulled into Jelani’s arms, “Don’t ever go that long without saying anything. Glad to see you’re doing good, Skye.” He whispered. I nodded and noticed as he pulled away that the necklace that held the ring that Sariyah gave him when they got engaged was missing. He chuckled lightly, “We broke up after your accident. I don’t care what happened between you guys that’s between women but almost killing you is something I won’t stand by.”

I looked at him in confusion but he shook his head as if to say we’ll talk later. We all began to walk around looking at some of the cars and catching up on each other’s lives. As I sit in my car I think back to my conversation with Jelani. Did Nova and Sariyah have something to do with my accident? Why would they be that spiteful or that hateful enough to do that? Surely not. Sighing, I pulled my phone out and went to Instagram and just began to scroll aimlessly until I came across a post on a gossip page. I rolled my eyes seeing that it was a picture of me while I was in Bahrain. I won’t let this situation mess with my head. I locked my phone and decided to join the other cars in the pit driving around. Before entering through the gate Ja Khel secured the GoPro to my car so I could get some footage to post after I leave Vegas. I could hear the cheers from the crowd once I made it to the center of the pit. Shifting in my seat, I waited for the go-ahead to start. Muscle memory kicked in as I guided the thousand pounds of metal and carbon fiber around the small crowd. I was finally home.

Skip a couple of days

As I drove through the familiar streets of San Diego, the weight of unresolved emotions hung heavy in the air. As I rapped along to Nuketown by Ski Mask the lyrics of the music seemed to echo the chaos within my mind, drowning out the incessant buzzing of my phone with its relentless stream of messages. Lando's name flashed across the screen once again, but I couldn't bring myself to respond. Not now, not when my heart still felt raw from the tumultuous events that had unfolded in recent weeks. The pain was still fresh, the wounds still raw, as I navigated the winding roads of my own emotions. Today was the start of the F1 season in Bahrain, I wish things were different.

Ria's text had been a stark reminder of the reality I faced. Lando's decision to prioritize Magui's feelings over mine had left me feeling betrayed and abandoned. But perhaps, in hindsight, I realized that I had placed too much weight on a relationship that had yet to fully bloom. Maybe I wasn't ready for that next step after all.

As I pulled up to a red light, I stole a glance at my reflection in the rearview mirror. The face that stared back at me seemed unfamiliar, a mask of stoicism masking the turmoil that churned beneath the surface. I couldn't afford to let my emotions consume me, not when there was still so much at stake.

With a heavy sigh, I refocused my attention on the road ahead, letting the music serve as a temporary distraction from the chaos within. But try as I might, I couldn't shake the lingering doubts that gnawed at the corners of my mind.

Hours passed, the sun dipping below the horizon as I continued to navigate the streets of San Diego. With each passing mile, the weight on my shoulders seemed to grow heavier, the burden of unresolved emotions threatening to engulf me.

As darkness descended upon the city, I found myself drawn to the familiar sights and sounds of the underground. It was here, amidst the roar of engines and the scent of burning rubber, that I felt most alive. Racing had always been my escape, a temporary reprieve from the chaos of the world around me.

Pulling into the dimly lit parking lot, I was greeted by the sight of familiar faces and the hum of excitement that filled the air. The pit meet was in full swing, a cacophony of revving engines and enthusiastic cheers echoing through the night.

Stepping out of my car, I was enveloped by the warmth of camaraderie as friends and fellow enthusiasts welcomed me back into their midst. For a fleeting moment, I allowed myself to bask in the sense of belonging that washed over me, pushing aside the doubts and insecurities that threatened to consume me.

As I wandered through the crowd, I found myself drawn to the familiar faces of Sterling, Jelani, and Zamari. Their presence offered a sense of comfort amidst the chaos, a reminder that I was not alone in my struggles.

Sterling's reassuring words echoed in my mind, a gentle reminder that I was not defined by the actions of others. It was a sentiment that I clung to fiercely, a lifeline in the storm of uncertainty that raged within.

As the night wore on, I found myself drawn to the adrenaline-fueled rush of the racetrack, the thrill of competition offering a welcome distraction from the turmoil of my thoughts. Behind the wheel, I felt alive, the roar of the engine drowning out the doubts that plagued me.

With each lap, I pushed myself to the limit, channeling my frustration and anger into the raw power of the machine beneath me. In those fleeting moments, I was free, liberated from the constraints of my insecurities.

But as the night drew to a close and the adrenaline began to fade, I found myself once again confronting the harsh reality of my circumstances. The wounds of betrayal still lingered, a constant reminder of the pain that had brought me to this moment.

As I made my way back to my car, I was met with a sense of resignation, a weary acceptance of the challenges that lay ahead. But amidst the darkness, there flickered a glimmer of hope, a reminder that even in the face of adversity, I was capable of finding solace in the things that mattered most.

With a heavy heart and a determined spirit, I set out into the night, the echoes of the racetrack fading into the distance as I embarked on the next chapter of my journey. Though the road ahead may be fraught with uncertainty, I knew that with each passing mile, I would come one step closer to finding the peace and closure I so desperately sought.

Lando’s POV

As the sun shone over the bustling city of Sakhir, I found myself immersed in the frenetic energy of race day. The Bahrain Grand Prix loomed large on the horizon, a pivotal moment in the young driver's burgeoning career. But amidst the excitement and anticipation, my thoughts were consumed by the weight of unfinished business.

With the beginning of the F1 season already starting, I knew that I couldn't afford to let distractions derail my focus. Every minute spent dwelling on the past was a minute lost in the relentless pursuit of victory. And yet, try as I might, I couldn't shake the lingering guilt that gnawed at the corners of my mind.

As I made my way through the bustling paddock, my thoughts drifted back to Azha, the woman who had captured my heart in ways I never thought possible. Our relationship had been a whirlwind of passion and intensity, a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows that had left him reeling in its wake.

But amidst the chaos of my own emotions, I knew that I had made mistakes. My decision to prioritize Magui's feelings over Azha's had been a grave error in judgment, one that had cost him dearly. And yet, even now, as I grappled with the consequences of my actions, I couldn't shake the lingering hope that it wasn't too late to make amends.

With a heavy heart, I resolved to set things right, confront the demons of my past, and forge a path towards redemption. But first, I had a race to win.

As I climbed into the cockpit of my McLaren, I felt a surge of adrenaline course through my veins. The roar of the engine drowned out the doubts and insecurities that plagued him, replaced instead by a singular focus on the task at hand.

With a flick of the wrist, I ignited the engine, the deafening roar of horsepower echoing through the air. As I navigated the twists and turns of the circuit, every corner, every straightaway, brought him one step closer to victory.

But amidst the chaos of the race, I couldn't shake the image of Azha from my mind. Her absence loomed large, a constant reminder of the void that had been left in my heart. And yet, even as I pushed myself to the limit, I knew that winning the race would mean nothing if I couldn't find a way to win her back.

As the checkered flag waved and the cheers of the crowd echoed through the air, I stepped out of the cockpit and went to congratulate the young Ferrari driver, Ollie Bearmen, for his first race. But amidst the celebrations, my thoughts were consumed by one thing and one thing only: Azha.

With the race behind me and victory within my grasp, I knew that it was time to face the truth. I couldn't continue to ignore the pain I had caused, nor could I allow my ambitions to overshadow the importance of repairing the bond I had broken.

With a determined stride, I made my way to the paddock, my heart pounding with anticipation. I knew that the road ahead would be fraught with challenges, but I also knew that I was willing to do whatever it took to make things right.

Third Person POV

As the news of Azha and Lando's breakup spread like wildfire across social media, the world watched with bated breath as two hearts collided and shattered into a million pieces. For Azha, the decision to end things had been agonizing, a painful realization that their love was no longer enough to overcome the obstacles that stood between them. And yet, even as she pressed send on the final text message, a part of her couldn't help but wonder if she had made a mistake.

Meanwhile, Lando found himself thrust into the spotlight once again as rumors swirled about his alleged rendezvous with Magui. The gossip pages spared no detail, their headlines painting a damning picture of betrayal and infidelity. And amidst the chaos, Azha's name was dragged into the fray, her pain laid bare for the world to see.

Unable to bear the weight of her emotions any longer, Azha took to social media to share her side of the story. In a heartfelt post, she bared her soul to the world, laying out the painful truth of their breakup for all to see. And yet, even as she poured her heart out in a public forum, a part of her couldn't help but wonder if Lando was doing the same.

Sure enough, it wasn't long before Lando's post appeared on social media, his words a poignant reflection of the pain and regret that gnawed at his soul. In a heartfelt message addressed to Azha, he expressed his remorse for the mistakes he had made and his unwavering commitment to making things right. And yet, even as he hit send, a part of him couldn't help but wonder if Azha would ever forgive him.

As days turned into weeks, Azha and Lando found themselves locked in a delicate dance of longing and regret. Despite their best efforts to move on, their hearts remained tethered to one another, their love refusing to be extinguished by the passage of time.

For Azha, each passing day brought with it a new sense of clarity, a renewed understanding of the depth of her love for Lando. And yet, even as she yearned to reach out to him, to beg for a second chance, she couldn't shake the fear that history would repeat itself, that their love was doomed to fail.

Meanwhile, Lando found himself consumed by thoughts of Azha. Every corner of his mind was haunted by memories of their time together, each one a painful reminder of the love he had lost.

In the quiet moments between races, Lando found himself scrolling through old messages and photos, his heart heavy with regret. He replayed their conversations in his mind, searching for clues as to where it had all gone wrong. Had he been blind to her pain, deaf to her cries for help? He couldn't help but wonder if things could have been different if he had only been more attentive, more understanding.

But try as he might, Lando couldn't escape the gnawing feeling of remorse that consumed him. His mistakes weighed heavily on his soul, a burden that seemed too heavy to bear. He longed to reach out to Azha, to beg for her forgiveness, but he couldn't shake the fear of rejection that held him back.

And yet, even as he grappled with his demons, Lando couldn't help but hold on to a glimmer of hope. Deep down, he knew that his love for Azha was true, that no amount of time or distance could erase the bond they shared. And so, with each passing day, he vowed to do whatever it took to win her back, to prove to her that he was worthy of her love.

But as the F1 season pressed on, Lando found himself torn between his duty to his team and his longing for Azha. The demands of the racetrack left him little time to dwell on matters of the heart, and yet, even as he raced towards victory, his thoughts remained firmly fixed on the woman he had lost.

As he stood on the podium, bathed in the glow of success, Lando couldn't help but feel a pang of emptiness. The cheers of the crowd faded into the background as he found himself longing for the one voice he couldn't hear – Azha's. He knew that no amount of trophies or accolades could fill the void that she had left behind.

And so, as he embarked on the next leg of his journey, Lando vowed to keep Azha in his heart, to carry her memory with him wherever he went. For even in the darkest of moments, he knew that her love would be his guiding light, leading him back to the woman he couldn't bear to lose.

But amidst the chaos and the pain, there remained a glimmer of hope, a flicker of possibility that maybe, just maybe, their love was strong enough to overcome even the greatest of obstacles.

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