#be nice. i dont usually write much and even less post it for others to see-...
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26 ASKSKSS💖✨💖✨💖
@lathan-chillyfilm
The other Power-ups work differently to the Fire/Ice flowers..
Any power-ups that transform the bros bodies usually expend energy by just keeping them transformed. And even if the bros don't actively use that power, it'll eventually just drain itself away.
For example, the super shroom. Making Mario grow big and keeping him big consumes power. If he ate a super shroom and just stood there, eventually he would shrink back to normal. Running around. jumping, punching, that activity would make it drain faster though.
Same goes for the Super bell, mini mushroom, mega mushroom, super leaf, double cherry,,, etc. Just keeping the bros transformed consumes power. The fire/ice flowers don't transform the bros though. Mario and Luigi's bodies stay the same, they just become outlets to expel the flowers power. And if they don't use it.. well.. its gonna stay stored up in their bodies. And eventually freeze/burn them to death..
The only odd case when it comes to Power-ups is the 1-Up mushroom. It stores itself in the host's body, and doesn't effect the host or release its power unless it needs too. Mario could touch a 1-Up, and then 15 years later he dies and that's when the 1-Up will release its power. All though those 15 years Mario would have had 0 side effects from having it in his body. Its as if it didn't exist at all..
Its always possible I'll return to them! :00 As we've seen XDD
Hmm,, I haven't really thought too much about them other than the stuff I already talked about in the OG post..
But I was thinking that the imp species could have all these wacky and bizarre shapes at the end of their tails that dont really make sense..? Jevil's tail being this odd T/Y shape is actually rather bland/common. But other than that,, I cant really think of any other developments to their species <:/ Sorry! Thank you for taking interest though! :DD
@mason-gaylord
:DD thank you! I wish the same for you! :]]]
Oh man.. scary is what it looks like.
I can see them all just living on the octopod. Traveling around the ocean in hopes of finding livable waters. All grieving over the loss of their families.. I cant imagine the pain they'd suffer, the hardships they'd face.. and what they'd have to do to survive..
@kaiserdarken
Freddy is his best fweind <:'}
@the-cactus-taco
I have not played it actually.. is it any good? :0 Those Mallow and Geno characters sound neat! :)
(Also there was an OG one??)
Oof, my Gravity Falls era? What an unfortunate time to find me-
None the less I'm happy you stuck around! :DD It means the world to me, thank you so much!! 💖💖
XD I REALLY AM EVERYWHERE-
@rubydraft
WAAAAHHDGGB THANK YOU MUCHCH!!!!! 💖💖😭✨💖😭💖💖
Thank you so much! I'm flattered to hear it! :DD
Grillby did.. :(
@tallchest13-blog
DUUUUDE I HAVE A BIG SWORD TOO!! WE COULD BE BIG SWORD BUDDIES!! >>:0000✨⚔✨
:DD Well thank YOU for leaving me a kind comment! Very much appreciated! :}} 💖
If any of the three Octodads were to experience a hallucination, it would probably be either Natquik or Calico Jack. But since I'm going through a re-write of Natquik's backstory and I don't actually know how traumatizing his re-write will be... I'm gonna say that Calico Jack is most likely to have one.
Although I'm not sure what would cause it.. mayyybe an encounter with a creature in the everglades could remind him of a traumatizing experience he had..? And that panic could result in hallucinations? I actually know very little about how hallucinations work so its hard to say what would exactly trigger one to occur.. <:(
I have plans for them to encounter a lot of Kwazii's monsters in someway. :0
Wow, only my second? Man. I feel like I've done more style updates/redesigns than that. <XD I guess its only two-
(Also I'm glad you like them! :DD Thank you! )
@tanileaf
XD I'm glad you like them and the Queen! Thank you so much! :}}
@pinkbomb08
Well thank YOU for sticking around and sending me a nice message! Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you as well! :}}}
@kautar-21
MERRY LATE CHRISTMAS! :DDD Thank you so much! :}}
Also sorry, I don't take requests! But you just reminded me that I should probably go buy that book-
@flutehammer
Oooo that's interesting :0 I imagine that Barnacles would look like one of the Freddy's. As for the others I'm not sure! :o I know there was a FNAF fan game that had a cat and penguin animatronic though. Five nights at candy's was it.?
(Also thank you! Same to you! :D )
I don't know if its necessarily pain..? More like.. a panic attack maybe?
When they're separated, their systems are flooded with commands to seek out the other. And if they cant find th.em or reach them? Well.. those commands will get overwhelming.
But that doesn't mean that you cant do maintenance on them. My idea was that there's a simple procedure where you take both of them to parts and service, put one aside and put one on the work bench.. and then shut them both down at the same time. Then when the work is done, reactivate both of them and return them to their room. Easy!
As for why they designed them like this? The main idea I had was that having this A.I. meant that they would naturally follow each other around in a way that seemed natural. Fazbear entertainment really wanted their animatronics to seem life like, but they also don't want Fred and Spring to ever separate. They want them to always be in the same room for photo shoots and meet and greets.
This A.I. means that if Spring is talking to a guest and a kid tried to lead Fred by the hand to another room.. Fred would stop at the doorway and redirect himself and the kid back into the room. "Lets play here instead!" "My friends Spring Bonnie is here, lets play here instead!" Meanwhile Springs conversation remains uninterrupted. This in turn makes them seem more life like and also prevents them from seperating.
Its not very strong reasoning but its all I've got to be honest <XDD
Also as for Spring loosing Fred..? It would be impossible for him to function without Fred. If they scrapped one, they'd have to scrap the other..
Oh! No no, not Horrortale Papyrus. This Papyrus is one I made myself! :00
Do you mean help wanted 2? :0 If so I'm not sure yet.. I'm watching Markiplier's playthrough and he hasn't finished the game yet..
Also Sun is still the same old Sun as far as I've seen.. He's not my favorite animatronic personality wise.. <XD But I guess he's alright
@hexyz09
XD tbh with how insane the FNAF lore is getting now? I wouldn't be fazed if they came out with a storyline about falling into a different world through a closet-
@beryl-shade
I've made a couple doodles/drawings of Caine and he doesn't have the wind up hat thing.. But now that you mention it, that kind'a sound like this gals version of Caine :00
#my response#fnaf security breach#super mario bros#undertale#deltarune#seam and jevil#seam deltarune#jevil#octonauts#octodads
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TOONTOWN HEADCANON LORE POST THINGY NUMBER 2
(Like last time, this is also cantered around TTCC, and is mostly just me rambling like a lunatic about my headcanons.)
Topic: Toons
(This is sorta like the Toon counterpart of the Cog post I made earlier)
Basic Details
Toons are generally very silly beings, and are a very social species by nature. They come in a variety of sizes, shapes, etc.
They can be a singular species, or they can be a mishmash of different parts, there is not much limit to what a Toon can look like.
Variation in "animation style"
Their mannerisms and motion is usually akin to that of the kind of cartoons Toontown was inspired by (rubberhosey, vibrant and colorful) but there is also much variation in this as well. One Toon may move around/look like they're "animated" differently than another.
Toons are spread out far and wide, but when I say spread out, I mean it. Compared to how much of the world is inhabited by Suits, there aren't as many Toons, to the point where many Suits don't even know of their existence.
(This is largely because Toon culture/Toon subjects aren't really taught or talked about in Suit societies, both due to lack of knowledge on them, and the deliberate desire to stamp them out of public knowledge)
Regardless, there are notably other significant populations out there (think stuff like where Ducktales takes place and whatnot).
The Toons at Toontown aren't the only ones who have had to deal with the whims of Suits and their expansion, desire to take land, etc.
More Biology Stuff
There isn't really much that is concrete to the biology of Toons. Like stated earlier, they're extremely diverse and have many differences across each other.
Some might have skeletons or bones and whatnot, but whether they do or not probably wouldn't make too much of a difference.
Probably something like cartoon logic, where whatever is funniest at that moment will be true. That's probably the answer to a lot of things about Toons now that I think of it
Sillyness
Just about every Toon by nature needs to be happy to be healthy. The Laff meter is an invention that helps track a Toon's sillyness/happiness at a certain time. This is measured/quantifiable with the Laff formula. (I'm literally just making that up cause I thought it sounded funny so make of it what you will)
Laff increasing is essentially a sign of increased resistance to negativity, in a way. Not that high Laff Toons will never get sad, angry, or otherwise never feel negative emotions, but a Toon with high Laff may have a better time faring against deliberate attacks to one's happiness. Laff is generally increased by having fun, and is often boosted when experiencing that fun with someone else.
Sad or otherwise unhappy Toons often have very low Laff, whether it be that they have less than others, or that they have lost a lot of their Laff.
Some Toons are more serious than others, and may not show happiness/joy in the same way, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're a scrooge. Like us humans, (which don't exist in this world) they have wide ranges of emotions and may experience them/show them differently.
Despite this, some Toons might be edgy........... and reject happiness or something IDK why you'd willingly want to be miserable
Culture
It varies a lot. There's quite a lotta Toons of all shapes and sizes out there. Lots of communities. They all got different cultures! But they all most often share the same general traits (happiness, sillyness, helping each other out, etc. How nice.) i really dont know what else to write here.
Fin (i dont know how to end this)
:3
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#toontown online#text wall#text post#headcanon#toontown lore#lore#toonblr#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#toontown rewritten#toons#toontown#ramblings of the deranged#writing
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[This is my first request]
Imagine the marvel men getting a plus size girlfriend
Tony stark
:he wouldn't have a problem
:but I think it would be his first time
:he would think your pretty and weight wouldn't matter
:he loved every thing about you and your weight just adds to it
:he would praise you for being you
Steve rogers
:as you know from back in the day he had the hots for Peggy so it took a long time to even notice you
:you were a friend of Tony's and he had invited you to a avengers party
:he would always see you around but what caught his eye was what you were wearing
:he thought you were beautiful
:and sooner or later he asked you out and yes he shocked himself
:he didn't think weight matter [ he is a super solider]
: your weight didn't make him love you any less
Bucky barnes
:when he first saw you ohhh he had never seen someone more beautiful but then his insecurities came back
:sooner or later he got the courage to talk to you and the rest is history
:he never really thought about your weight though
:but when he did nothing changed he thought you were like a pillow full of love
Clint Barton
:since he was usually on the job it took long for him to notice
:you were a shield agent and nats best friend
So once he noticed you he thought of you as ever other girl nothing special till he got to know you
:and your weight didn't affect him he thought it was cute and loved to see u in his shirts
Loki
: since he was from asgard he didn't think about it as much
:he saw it as rare beauty because we're he was from he only had
The most finest of fine throwing thereselves at him
:but when he came to earth he saw you the star avenger but also the quietest
:but when he started dating you if anyone dare talk about your weight he turned them into a pig
:again weight didn't matter
Peter parker
:since he was still a teen he didn't really care he still had exploring to do also in dating
:so when he say you he thought "wow she must be new I should help her "
: you know how it goes friends to lovers and that was what you guys were
:your weight didn't matter he thought it helped you out it made you look better than the basic girls at school
Thor
:as also since he was from asgard he had the basic girls throwing them selves around
:but when he got to earth he say you for your true beauty your mind
:again weight didn't matter but his favorite things on you were jeans
Quicksliver
:he would find It very attractive
:he wouldn't care one bit about it
:if it didn't bother you it didn't bother him
:it was like a fluffy beautiful cuddle buddy
:he would fight if anyone said anything about your weight
Bruce banner [ I had the limit of gifs ]
:as you know he was the hulk him self so he felt like he didn't have a say about it
:but it didn't make him less attracted to you
:he would hulk if anyone talked about your weight
Sam wilson
:he really like really didn't care
:but if you cared he would be your talking buddy making sure your ok and knowing your loved
:and he would feed you alot [a bonus to dating the falcon ]
Last but not least ..... ant man
:again since he had problems himself he had no room to talk
:he had met you while you were walking and bumped into making you spill your drink
And offered to pay
:after that he asked for a date
:he loved you for your weight and it made him want you more
[This took me a hour to make so a like or a follow would be nice but you dont have to I write for fun so pls like so I know you want more this is my last writing tonight because i posted about 4 today but I will write tomorrow and I still am taking requests]
#avengers x fem!reader#ant man#steve rogers x reader#hulk x reader#tony stark x reader#loki x reader#bruce x reader#peter parker x fem!reader#peter parker x reader#bucky x plus size reader#peter parker x plus size reader#avengers x plus size reader#sam wilson#marvel x black!reader#marvel x reader
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Ive never been so happy to see you
Pairing: Namjoon x reader
Genre: angst, fluff ending
Summary: you and namjoon have a fight that leads to you locking yourself in your room. When he realizes he hasn't heard from you for a whole day, he worries that you might have done something to yourself that he would feel guilty about for the rest of his life.
Author note: I feel like this story didn't get written as well as I wanted it to be but I still posted it because I didn't know what else to post. Also I have requests open and i would recommend to request something for me to write cause I'm running out of ideas :')
Trigger warning: argument between couple, reader gets told she's too clingy, reader locking themself inside their room, mentions of suic*de
**please do not read if you get triggered by any of these warnings mentioned**
(Y/n's pov)
Disappointed and frustrated. Those were the only 2 words that could describe you right now. You were currently sitting in front of your kitchen counter while scrolling on you phone. occasional, you would glance at the clock to check the time.
Namjoon had promised that he would be home by 9 so you both could enjoy a nice dinner together but it was already midnight and there was no sign of him showing up any time soon. No text. No call. Not even a simple voice-mail that would take 2 seconds.
You felt like you were going to explode. Saying you were just disappointed felt like an understatement but you weren't suprised by his behavior. Just in the last week he bailed on you three times. You understood that he was busy with work but tonight he promised he would show up. You now realized that it was an empty promise.
At this point you didn't even feel like eating dinner, the food was already cold and you knew you wouldn't be able to enjoy it anymore. You sighed as you got up. You put all of the food you made into a plastic container and put it in the fridge, then you made your way over to the stairs to go sleep.
As soon as you were about to go up, you heard the front door open. You turned your head to see who it was and ofcourse it was Namjoon. He looked back at you with a some what of a guilty smile while closing the door.
"Hey y/n. Why are you still awake?" Namjoon said while taking off his shoes
"Oh hey namjoon. I don't know.. Maybe it's because I was waiting for someone to show up to dinner." You honestly didn't know why you were being sarcastic. You weren't necessarily mad at him, You were just annoyed.
"Y/n, i'm sorry that I'm late. I was busy with work and I couldn't come home on ti-"
"Too busy to even take a few seconds to text me and say, OH HEY Y/N, BY THE WAY, I WONT MAKE IT TOO DINNER TODAY" you said, cutting him off while rolling your eyes.
You wanted him to know how you felt after getting stood up four whole times in less than two weeks.
Namjoon looked at you. He was usually a pretty calm person but today felt different. His stare seemed more angry. You weren't trying to cause a fight, you were just being stubborn and wanted to get your point across.
"I already told you I was sorry. I was busy and it completely flew over my head. I don't know why you're making it such a big deal." namjoon started to walk towards the kitchen, his patience growing thin by the minute, but you didn't want your convo to just end like that. He wasn't understanding your point of veiw.
"Big deal? I'm not making it a big deal. I'm just trying to explain to you that getting stood up 4 times in the past week even tho you promised you wouldn't do it again sucks. Maybe you should prioritize some things other than just working all the time."
"MAYBE I JUST DONT WANT TO PRIORITIZE YOU ALL THE TIME. I can't just spend all my time with you just because you want me too. You're always too much.. Maybe try being less clingy sometimes for a change?" Namjoon said while narrowing his eyes at you
"W-what?" You responding trying not to cry
"You heard me.. You're so fucking annoying" He said walking into the kitchen.
You felt a tear roll down your eyes. Your heart hurt and you felt a lump in your throat. You weren't trying to argue with him. You just wanted him to realize where he was the wrong and not say something like "there's always next time".
"Oh really.. that's it. The whole reason we're having this problem is because I'm clingy?" You said to yourself as You walked upstairs to your room and you locked the door behind you.
While you walked over to you bed. You started to let the feelings you bottled up in the past week out. Your tears felt warm and rushed as His words went to your head. Maybe you were too clingy, or maybe you were just flat out annoying.
You got into your bed and wrapped yourself into your blanket. You grabbed your little koala plush that you kept on your side table and hugged it close to you.
(Namjoon's pov)
Namjoon opened the fridge to see some containers which he assumed to be the food you had cooked. He grabbed the containers and opened them up to see his favourite food. He smiled to himself but then frowned.
Why had he been so mean to you? All you had ever done was care for him.. he didn't deserve you. Namjoon started to think over the events of today leading up to right now.
This morning, namjoon had gotten yelled at for not finishing his lyrics for his upcoming song on time, he had also accidently spilled his coffee on himself which wasted his time to make up for not writing the lyrics,
he had also totally forgotten most of the dance that he and his members had been trying to learn and to make up for it he had tried to work on it for longer, which caused him to forget to be at home on time for dinner.
Namjoon felt bad for you. He knew he broke your heart as you were a sensitive person. He made his way to your room, trying not to think of all the possibilities of you not forgiving him. When he reached your room door he heard crying on the other end.
This mad his mind go blank. He made you cry.. he knocked on your door a few times but the crying stopped as soon as he did.
(Y/n's pov)
You stopped your crying abruptly as You heard someone knock on your rooms door, you already knew it was Namjoon. I mean who else would it be? You were the only two that lived in your shared apartment.
"Y/n.. are you there?" You heard namjoon call from inside the hallway.
You didn't respond to him, Since you wanted to be alone. But then He tried to open the door of your room, only to find out it was locked. You figured he knew you were already in there since he saw you go up to your room so you waited for him to continue what he was going to say.
"I know, you don't want to see me right now.. and i know you're mad at me but I'm so so sorry. I realized I fucked up and this doesn't fix it but I promise I'll make it up to you. You're not annoying or clingy. I didn't mean anything I said. I was mad earlier. Not at you, of course, but.. you know what I mean right?.. I love you so much and I promise after tomorrow, we can hang out as much as you want."
You don't respond to him because you honestly just wanted to go to sleep. Of course you heard his apology but all you could think about were his mean words from ealier.
Namjoon took a second to wait for you to respond but you didn't. He expected you to even open the door since the both of you always slept beside eachother, even if you were in a fight. But he understood why you didn't. right now you didn't feel like seeing him.
"I.. I'm going to go sleep in my room. good night, love you." And with that you heard his footsteps fade away.
(Namjoon's pov)
Walking away from y/n's door frame, namjoon felt guilty. You two slept beside eachother pretty much every night... did he fuck up that bad? What if y/n didn't want to see him again? Namjoon felt tears going to his soft eyes but tried telling himself it was fine. He could make up for it after tomorrow, once he got his work done.
Namjoon walked into his room that was only a door away from yours. He didn't feel like sleeping right now, even tho he was tired, he should be working so that he could spend more time with you later. Namjoon sat down in his chair, turned on his desk lamp and opened up his computer. He started to write the lyrics for his next song.
- time skip to Next morning at 10 -
Namjoon had just gotten out of the bathroom, after he had gotten ready for work. He fell asleep at around 2 last night so he still felt drowsy but on a good note, he had finished the lyrics for his new song so he didn't have to do more work than needed today.
Namjoon made his way to you room to go see if you had woken up but to his surprise you room door was still locked. He thought it was strange because you'd usually be out of bed by now, making breakfast for you two but He decided not to wake you up since he thought you needed the sleep anyways.
Namjoon made his way downstairs, grabbed some food and went to work.
- time skip to when y/n wakes up - (y/n's pov)
"Honk" "tires screeching" "other noises cars make"
You woke up to the sound of a few cars making a ruckus outside of your bedroom window. You groaned as you were tired but any tierdness you felt soon got over taken by the feeling of absolute hell. Your body was tangled up in your sheets because you had been tosing and turning pretty much all last night and you had the biggest headache ever.
'How long did I sleep for?' you thought to yourself as you picked up your phone from your bedside table. You turned it on to see that it was already 1:00. You quickly got up and out from you bed which didn't ofcourse didn't make you headache any better.
You forgot to make breakfast for namjoon.. a wave of guilt washed over you as you realized he probably didn't have time to eat something proper before he left. You turned on you phone and started to text namjoon.
'Hey I'm sorry I woke up late, did you eat anything before you left?'
You were about to hit send but before you did, you deleted the message. What were you thinking. Namjoon had just said yesterday that you were being clingy and here you go again, annoying him while he's busy. Although he said he didn't mean it, what if he was lying just to make you feel better? You put your phone away and went to go do your morning routine.
- after y/n finished her morning routine -
You got out of the bathroom and went downstairs to go get yourself some food. Although you had just finished your morning routine and should have felt atleast a little bit better by now, you still felt like you wanted to lay in bed all day and just be alone.
So that's what you planned on doing. After getting some food, you also grabbed water and some snacks and made your way to your room. You placed everything onto your bed and turned on your TV. You started the watch some k dramas while comforting yourself. You didn't plan on leaving the comfort of your bed today.
- time skip to 9 pm - (Namjoon's pov)
Namjoon was in the practice room. Today he had spent the day practice the new dance he and his band members were learning. He was proud of himself since he had caught on to the dance pretty quick today.
Right now he and his members were on break. They all were sat around eachother, some drinking water and cooling themselves off while some of the others were somehow still energetic and fooling around.
Namjoon was wiping his sweat off with towel and rummaging through his bag to find his phone. He basically hadn't turned it on at all today, only really to check the time.
He turned it on a waited for his notifications to pop up. There was a few but not what he was looking for. He was looking for a text from you. Everyday, even the days you were busy or didn't want to talk to him, You would text him to make sure he was okay. It was just one of those nice habits you had.
But today there was nothing. Namjoon was just going to let it off as you didn't want to see him but that's when it clicked in his head... he hadn't seen you in a whole day. What if something bad happened. What if.. no.. I couldn't be. Right? A look of fear washed onto his face which didn't go unnoticed by his members.
"Hey namjoon? Everything alright?" Asked jin, the oldest member in their group
"Yeah.. I have to go tho. I'll see you guys later, good night bye!" Namjoon responded quickly while grabbing his things and making his way out of the building.
Once namjoon made his way outside the building, he grabbed his car keys out of his bag, unlocked his car and sat in. (We all know he can't drive but for the sake of the story we can pretend lol) he quickly threw his bag into the passenger seat and put on his seat belt. He started the car and started driving to your shared apartment.
You weren't the type of person to just not talk to him for a whole day. Well not anymore you weren't. Back when you and namjoon first met you were suffering with depression and were slightly suic*dal. That was a long time ago but what if you weren't asleep like he thought.. what if you actually did do something to yourself.
Namjoon started to let out a few tears. If he came home to you not there and well, he would never forgive himself.
- time skip to when namjoon made it home -
Namjoon ran into your shared apartment in tears. He quickly went all around the downstairs floor to find you. Around this time you would be making dinner in the kitchen but you weren't anywhere to be found.. that means you were still in your room.
Namjoon walked over to the stairs, his heart sinking with each step that he took. When he got to your room door he was about to turn the door nob but hesitated before doing so.
If he opens that door to see you dead.. it would be a memory he wouldn't ever forget ..
of course he didn't want to remember that forever but he had to make sure you were okay. He took a deep breath as he walked in.
(Y/n pov)
You were currently still in bed, re-watching your favourite k-drama. It was about 8:30-ish and you were close to dosing off to sleep when you heard someone turn the door nob of your room. You ready knew it was namjoon before he even came in so you turned around so your back was now facing him when he came in.
While he was walking in you could hear him crying so you were about to turn around and see what was wrong but before you could, he layed down in the bed next to you and hugged you. He had his face in the crook of your neck and he continued to cry.
(Namjoon's pov)
As I took a step into the room, the lights were off but I could still see y/n in her bed due to the light of the TV playing a k-drama. I couldn't help but start crying even more out of relief. I quickly walked over to the bed and layed down next to her. I wrapped my arms around her middle while crying into the space between her shoulder and neck.
(Y/n's pov)
"Y/n.. Ive never been so happy to see you." namjoon said in-between choked sobs
You turned around as you hugged him so he would be closer to you. You started to caress his hair to try and stop him from crying even more.
"Namjoon.. baby.. what's wrong?" You asked him, being worried about his well being
"I just love you so much and I'm sorry about yesterday. Can we spend time together please?" He said, calming down a little
Namjoon still had his arms around you, hugging you like a koala.
"I love you more and ofcourse we can. Let's watch a movie together" you said smiling down at him
He smiled back at you nodding his head in approval.
_____________________________________________________________
The end
#bts#bts fanfic#bts oneshot#bts imagines#fanfic#fluff#angst#bts angst#bts fluff#oneshots#bts namjoon#bts kim namjoon#kim namjoon#namjoon x reader#namjoon#fanfiction#imagines#bts fic#bts x y/n#namjoon angst#namjoon x y/n#namjoon fluff
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I dont think I've seen many discussions of this project or the similar ones this author discusses in other articles on here yet, which really is a shame and I reccomend everyone read it especially if you, like me, sometimes struggle with being asked "so what are alternative ways of treating people in crisis"
Under the cut is some very personal ramblings about how I stumbled over this article and how it felt reading it for the first time in a fairly vulnerable state. Tw for abuse mentions, drugs, your fairly normal mad life shit. This is the most personal writing I have ever created on this overall topic, so I would really appreciate if any of you would give it your time of day, thanks..!
As an introduction I have to begin with this: I recently quit being a consumer. I was always a survivor, but I clung to anti psychotics for a couple years of adulthood because it felt preferable to the insomnia I'd find myself with without, and a nice little blanket of nothingness in the saved pills in those extra stressful moments. Whenever I'd quit, I'd come back sometime later again. Last time it was being desperate to quit getting excessively drunk every night. And the closed psych ward I checked myself into, because I genuinely was not capable of controlling my drinking at home in any way at all, starting me on seroquel once again. Neither helped me achieve sobriety long term (not really surprising to myself, but not the point of this, honestly). Rather I kept risking my health even more by consuming both on many nights after being back home. But the warnings sort of stop feeling real too. I mean, I've done this a few hundred times for sure by now. What really pushed me over the edge, was my tardive dyskenesia (tics) worsening and worsening, even after switching to another anti psychotic hoping itd stop the progression getting back on seroquel was causing. Sometimes they're painful. That's the worst. I was originally planning on trying another pill my friend had reccomended who was currently staying in rehab, hearing me lament my lack of sleep without this medication I didn't want anymore. he gave me the email address of the psych giving it to him that I could access through the outpatient services at the clinic for addiction by using the right keywords. It would've been easy.
But I never wrote that mail. Instead, after getting my last refill of Perazine, from that asshole psych who also misgendered me so aggressively and consequently, didnt matter that I legitimately already had changed my gender marker a year earlier... that refill was supposed to last me the next 3 months, and I halfheartedly tapered it off for 2 or 3 weeks. The thought of seeing his face again made me sick. This was now nearly exactly a month ago. I have felt no desire to write that email.
I didnt experience any of the common withdrawal symptoms I heard so much about, only after quitting completely, there was a very short bout of very confusing feelings, sensations, beliefs. The usual. I've been there, medicated or not. I made it through without reaching for a pill again. 3 days, max, then it was over. But suddenly I stopped sleeping, for up to 50 hours at a time. After about a week of that, I finally found someone online say insomnia can be a withdrawal symptom of quitting anti psychotics. I genuinely never heard of that before ? (But to be fair, maybe at some point I did, and the perazin and seroquel and others just made it drip off my longterm memory like teflon.) Either way, could it have been that every time I went running back for (sometimes way less bad) insomnia after quitting, it was actually fucking withdrawals? I thought I could probably keep this up for a few months until starting my new / first job. Unemployed people have an easier time staying up 50 hours at a time because we can simply collapse into bed at 9am after those and sleep all day. By now I'm mostly down to 30 hours at a time. Theres issues still, sure, but the quick progress is making me excited. I might never sleep perfectly normal, but at this point, I'd take that any day over daily substances.
What happened exactly, aside from the insomnia? I ran out of my weed a couple weeks earlier. Lost my hookup at the same time, so I decided, you know what, let me just not get something for a while, I'm not in the mood to look for something new rn. I was still drinking weekly with friends, but then they got sick for a while, and I only got drunk by myself once or twice that entire time. and somehow realized it wasnt actually my favorite alone-time substance anymore, that was weed. But I didn't have weed. So I just tried. And tried. And it mostly worked out. I stopped thinking about it. Had a small run in with cough syrup we dont talk about. And then I quit the perazine. I was terrified. This was the thing keeping all the other cravings at bay, right? It didnt make sense. I hadn't been "unmedicated" for more than a few weeks since the last 8 years. If I was out of pills, I'd turn to weed or alcohol or both. But nothing really happened this time. Because I stopped running from my feelings.
Slowly I started noticing it. There were so many things I was suddenly reacting to emotionally. Joy, pain, grief, connection, ... I never thought of myself as particularly numb before, but in comparison? It's hard to describe. It felt like every day further into getting off the perazine I felt more like myself. But how did I know it was me? It was someone I had never met before. I hadn't met adult me, ever. All I knew was abused kid me, abused teen me. It was me because now I felt alive in every little thing. Suddenly insomnia feels a lot less awful when you're having it by yourself, someone so novel but comforting. But with good emotions come bad. Suddenly I was crying curled up in a ball about memories from my most traumatic first institutionalization as a teen that I used to talk about like it was a fun little anecdote. There I felt it. "Go take one of your pills. 100m should probably be enough, maybe 150?" I wish I could say I did something super healthy. But I went for a cigarette cause I was really craving one, the breakdown had sort of delayed my usual midnight smoke. That turned into looking at the stars with music on my headphones for a bit. Back in bed I actually had forgotten about the pills again. Instead I opened up Google and typed in "psych abuse survivor". I was looking for something akin to a forum, I believe. But Nothing, really. A few term definitions on Wikipedia. Im no stranger to this internet search. And internet searches about anti psychiatry, anti psychotics, drug interactions, the name of the place I was institutionalized at. Every couple months I check if someone finally burned it down. And About to give up I saw the link to this article. And I opened it. Newly me, newly free to feel, really feel.
It was intriguing at first. I teared up a little a few times. Nothing major or surprising for my newfound emotional range. Then I got to the part where he talks about holding people, after they were allowed to freely let out their pent up rage, anger, manic energy, whatever it was, just let it out, all out. And theyd slowly come out of the (UNLOCKED) room (THAT THEY WERE ALLOWED TO LEAVE AT ANY POINT) after a few hours, and they would be hugged. And often they would start crying. Sometimes violently. And they would hold them lovingly, sometimes multiple of them, until the persons sobs trailed off into sniffles, into nothing. As I finished the sentence it broke out of me in a same way. Theres silent tears running down my cheeks writing this right now. But last night ? I was wailing. Sounds I had not heard from myself, ever. Not the night my grandmother passed. Not the nights I recalled sexual abuse, recalled my violent father, recalled my peers universally rejecting me for the freak I was, as I laid in my basement next to baggies of weed and xtc, as i sat in the bathroom watching blood go down the drain.
Suddenly it wasn't just the abuse in the ward that hurt. The memories of seeing tiny harm- and powerless kids strapped down and tied up, older boys injected and carried off, alarms blaring, keys turning in locks, a haze of benzos that made everything blur together, being watched as you shower, watched as you sleep. Dragged out of your room screaming. What hurt me so much I was wailing like never before was the love I needed, but never got when I needed it the most. I needed to be held as I cried. I dont think I have been held as I cried since I was 9 years old. I have been gawked at, yelled at, ignored and stepped over as I laid on the floor, walked past in public, threatened, locked up.
But I have not once been held.
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so i have finally had it this time. not posting for attention but screaming into the void bc its all i can do. please don't click read more unless you're willing to hear some deeply gnarly/personal stuff. and please don't unfollow just bc you didn't heed my warning. this is a personal blog and there's a real live human woman behind the deranged hetaliaposting.
i now know for sure that i intend on ending my marriage. i can't leave yet, but i need to start planning for it. im done. its not worth it.
our first wedding anniversary is in a few days. i have always had thoughts in the back of my mind about us not lasting, but i didnt think it'd end like this, so soon. im embarrassed frankly.
we have had our share of problems both major and minor. but the final straw is that my husband has more or less assaulted me.
so there are more details below but i've been pretty sex repulsed (by irl sex) for the past... 10 months or so? we are not completely sexless but it's usually coercive, with my husband guilt tripping and pestering me for sex. usually i manage to get out of it, even if i do wake up to him rubbing up against me - that doesn't bother me too much.
but yesterday he was being particularly forceful and threatening me if i didn't start having sex with him again whenever he wanted. so he initiated the act. i kept saying no. no i cant. please stop. i dont want this. im gay. and he said no you're not. and he forced me to give him head while also grabbing my breasts and making me undress. i hate being naked. i nearly vomited. i feel disgusting and violated.
the thing is, that part about me being gay wasn't a joke or an excuse/defense. that was me refusing him. i have told him that i am attracted to women so many times and he doesnt even believe that's possible. like, that bisexuality is real. yeah. that hardly scratches the surface of his terrible beliefs and opinions. but i digress.
i don't know if i'm only sex-repulsed due to him getting me pregnant and the subsequent loss, (ruptured ectopic, almost died) which affected me permanently in a physical way and im undeniably also psychologically but i have yet to process that in its entirity.
i am definitely at least bisexual, if not gay. and possibly asexual/gray-ace or whatever. the only men i really feel attraction towards are fictional/purely ideas. seriously. i'm deeply affected by comphet. growing up i knew i was queer but i was also abused by many men as a teen so i guess i internalized it. somewhere down the road i also became really attracted to the idea of settling down and having a family. (i still am, but my priorities have changed the more i see older moms. im only 24, my friend didn't have her first until 34.)
anyway, regardless of my sexuality or lack thereof, aside from our numerous other problems (incompatible personalities, different ambitions, lack of common interests, him being an abusive controlling manbaby, overbearing MIL, living situation, etc.) i am repulsed by him and i cant be around him anymore. i hate him.
the mistakes i have made for/because of this relationship are of a devastating magnitude. i've burned a lotttt of bridges (not my mom, thank god) but with other family, friends and previous employers.
i'm a dummy. yeah. i'm not going to lie. i have invested almost 3 years and over $10k of hard-earned wages into moving to australia for a man who doesn't respect me. i have no income, no privacy, little irl support, because he's isolated me to the point where i'm not me anymore. the most i can hope for is to get a full time job, and/or write some more original stories and possibly get a book deal or self publish. it'll all go into a divorce fund. it'll likely take over a year before the prospect of leaving is financially viable. but i'm not even sure where to go from there. the economy is a disaster in america too.
i would really appreciate some company, i don't necessarily want to discuss what happened but it'd be nice to have someone to talk to as i navigate this. i love you all my friends and followers and readers <3
#biancacore#vent post#tw sa#tw rape#tw marital rape#tw pregnancy loss#questioning#homophobia#tw trauma
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REALLY QUICK. I TAKE REQUESTS FOR MOOD BOARDS
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New master post because the old one is broken
About me!
Welcome to my blog! My name is Wayward (not irl obviously. Though I wish) Just some basic information *ahem* I'm transmasc, androgenous (masc leaning), omniflux (but mostly mlm). Kinda complicated, yeah, but aren't we all. My pronouns are He/Him (main) Xe/Xir (trialing neos) They/Them (for my more 'who cares about gender' mood). I haven an extensive list here 👉: Pronoun card.
Other random info about me :) I'm an aspiring author (my ao3 here 👈) and self-taught artist.
I have an TMNT AU I'm currently writing/designing. Find that here 👈
I'm also a Punk (in clothing and in ideologies and less so in music. yk just deal with it, it's the spirit that counts)
I'm also a monster fucker -I mean what? Who said that?
My beliefs are centered in Nordic Witchcraft, so no hate or I will bring down the might of Thor on your head. You've been warned. But if you are gonna play nice you can find me here 👈.
I'm quite odd so if that bothers you then don't stick around. I'm never in the mood to fight so don't even try it. Oh also, I'm an undiagnosed neurodivergent (probably autistic) and diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Although I'm pretty good now-a-days.
This blog is mainly for my shit posting, doom scrolling, fandom shenanigans, hyper fixations and it's my main. Everything else I do branches off into its own blog. Kinda like blog children. Bloglins you could even call them. (I'm coining that term. Mine now) My current hyper fixations are TMNT and HTTYD.
I LOVE GETTING ASKS. I have a few ask games I'm happy to do so I'll link them 👈. I usually answer within a day or two so please send them in. They are so much fun and I love interacting with communites . My DM's are also open if you just wanna chat in general or have any questions you want to ask not publically (for reasons).
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If you are an alter/non human follow me here
As I'm sure most of you can relate to this I really dont see why I need to say it but it's the internet so you can never be too careful. But I'm really attached to a lot of fictional characters from many franchises and if I ever post about them please be nice. Even if you dont like them or the potential discourse around them. Just be decent ok? They can be found here 👈
Now that I've told you about me there are some ground rules to go over for my corner of the internet.
No harassment, bullying, discourse or anything of that nature belongs here. This is a Peaceful blog alright? I dont want none of that shit 🫵
No terfs, no homophobes, no transphobes, no zoophiles, no pedofiles (you are not MAPS ok, fuck off), no incest shippers, no anti-lgbt of any kind, no bigots, no conservative Christians, no religion haters (there is a balance), or anti-alter humanity of any kind. I think you get the idea but if I get even a hint that any of you people are lurking you will get tossed out like the trash you are. IMMIDEITLEY 🖕
No dark jokes or snides at mental health, it's tough shit and people dont need any more negativity to deal with. I will fucking report you if you ever do anything of the sort on my blog.
And finally no drama or discourse. seriously no one has the time or energy for that esspecially me. Just dont ok? 👎
I have a few personal tags and may add more when need arises but if your looking for something in particular you may find them with these tags
#wayward rants
# wayward rambles
#wayward asks
#wayward rambles
# helpful reblogs
# waywards wallflower AU
#waywards art
!!!SHOUT OUT TO MY MOOTS!!!
@neonleons-posts @small-spiderpunkboy @fireflysquidsoup @ghosts-in-the-outfield @promiscuousbarnes @waywardsarah @corrupt-touch @dissapointedcreeper @regulusblackisamermaid
I have another Master Post type post so anything that isn't here will be there. It's kinda like a less detailed pt 2 to this post. You can find that here 👈. And if for some reason you want to see the old Master Post, I am gonna keep it up so you can find that here 👈
That's all for now folks hope you have fun whilst visiting my blog.
#welcome#welcome to my corner of the internet#welcome to my blog#punk#artists#writer#a03#a03 writer#ao3#tmnt#httyd#master post#pinned post#tmnt au#dni#lgbt#trans#safespace#alterhumanity
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2023 'overview'
The standard end of year post of course!
This year has both breezed by and felt absolutely endless, personally at least, and i feel like i accomplished nothing(!), but still, here's a round up of some stuff i enjoyed!?
MOVIES:
as ever as always! I'm writing this a bit in advance, but i've deffo seen less movies this year than i did last year, tho i believe that i did manage to get out to the cinema way more than usual (tho, tbh, most often on my lonesome i think). I think i've felt the most divided on them this year; i liked a lot of stuff very VERY much! i also have felt so SO bored with a lot more things. i think i talked about having like. a matrix moment last year, nothing like that this year, tho a lot more of being like, 'well yeah, of course', or finally being able to recognise what a shot is, lol. Regardless, here are the movies i probably loved the most this year:
aftersun: all i talked about jan thru feb, need to watch it again. it looks great, its both fun & heartbreaking, and you KNOW i love the found footage side of it all - especially when it addresses that even when you have footage of 'objective reality' you just really cant know it all
operation avalanche: as w aftersun, this shit gets at like ALL my interests! OpAv isn't a perfect movie, and i think the more u know about the production/etc the more obvious that becomes [i genuinely WOULD love to see/know more about the version that really did have the mole/romance plotline integrated, but lbr, that doesnt really exist]. ANYWAY!! i do think this is such an exciting film to watch, especially the movie making sequences, and i think the feeling of it all comes across so truly iygm. also, obvs, bc i love conspiracies unfortch
the dirties: im sorry there's so much MJ on this list, short tho it is! but hey, these really took over my life for a month there lol. i still havent listened to the commentary w the real film critic, but i truly find this to be an airtight movie, the found footage stuff is so well integrated, justifying everything while also calling all intent/'reality' into question.. i do think someone could spend forever with it - its also funny & miserable! what more could u want
(watch my fancam please)
my house walkthrough: i genuinely just really like this!! ive said it before, but i genuinely just find it such an exciting watch, the bts just makes it so much cooler - what's sicker than repetition
Hon Noms:
la confidential: heat walked so this could run !
thirst: so much fun, i love vampire lovers who hate each other
beau is afraid: too long, but i really liked most of this, v funny
black tower: great example of doing smth so cool w very little
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books:
francis spufford, new sun series, chandler, mauretania
PODCASTS:
sfultra!!!: sean L@TDF finally returns to talk about sci-fi books! sean is one of the few critics i'll always keep up with even when i dont agree w him, & this show has been a real treat all this year - the patreon stuff is great as well - its introduced me to a lot of new stuff & crit, and its been good to hear from him again.
if u listen to any of these, listen to this
shelved by genre: really good, tho often we have different interests - got me to read a fair few more books this year! im not a games guy, and im mad behind on fatt, so its super nice to get to hear some austin biweekly anyway, lol.
twioat (as ever): i was a bit trepidatious about this season starting off, but it's been so much fun, the fellas really knocked it out of the park.
i loved hearing from some guests that we havent heard from in ages. this season on AJLT was also fuckin amazing, truly & really adored their coverage; possibly highlight of my summer??
toxic podcast: i almost certainly shouted this out last year, but it was nice to have this around again in the top half of the year!! ale has a letterboxd now & its fun to get to see just how many truly atrocious horror movies he does watch all the time. a true connoisseur
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pick’n’mix:
ntbts: its a such good show!! i've watched more tv than usual this year, but i love how this is done on almost every level. i apologised before for having so much MJ on this list & i stand by that!, but i do think that one of the best (practical) traits in his work is making difficult stuff look not only easy, but genuinely both fun & achievable. whens the movie going to drop??? (lol)
getting into shirts: this genuinely was more of an accidental year long thing, starting w the ones i printed for lizzie back in jan/feb, but its been fun! finally got back some screenprinting experience, and i think u can really see some amping up of ambition & basic skill/practice. i do wanna do more in the new year, but am trying to engage with actual intended outcomes (and lbr, the storage issue lol), so we'll see
the sopranos!!: sometimes they really were right about good tv being good, who knew! so much funnier, weirder & depressing than i wouldve expected- honestly undersung at this point. also, it introduced me to a tonne of music lol
the blackberry soundtrack: unfortch i continue to be kinda mixed on the film, as much as i think on a technical level it's so super cool & well-made. i do really like the soundtrack tho!! i'm kinda iffy on some of its application in the actual film, but im a hater, so what can u do lol. the actual thing DOES rip tho
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this whole thing makes it look like i got a lot more done this year than i feel like i did lol. i feel like i had plans up the top but they really all came out in the wash//
i read an okay amount of books, but failed to get thru any piles
i watched more tv than usual this year, and saw id say, a midtier amount of movies, but way more new movies than usual
i moved for a bit! then moved back & got a worse job lol
there was a lot of work i didnt get finished.. i have stuff ive been meaning to edition since this time last year that i still havent gone back to.. that said, i think i did get some stuff done, finally actually did some stone litho(!!!!) & had some stuff up in a show or two
who knows,,, maybe ill finally get my shit together & 2024 could be my year - people say good things about being 26 right??? 😭😭😭
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ur sooo real for that post abt having members that are hard 2 write for (i apologize for the ramble this might become i'm high and have a lot to say) .., there is my bias line i love writing for but besides them there are also members who i find rly easy & rly fun 2 write for >_< but there are others that like ... i don't love them any less :3 it's just ... the characterization is hard for me to get :c it's funny cuz u say that joshua is hard for u to write when he's like probably one of my fav members to write for (idk what it is abt him like ... he isn't even in my bias line !?! but i just cannot get enough of writing him) i feel like the member hardest for me to write would be vernon like idk :/ i actually love him so much i've had a fixation on him and wonwoo as of late it's just ...,, when i write i have like certain persona's for the two main interests and then i usually pick and choose member suits the persona the best and i feel like vernon is a very interesting person and it's hard for me to fit him in these boxes like ... he's so emotionally intelligent and gentle but also like he's unpredictable and cutely awkward sometimes and like he's a bit on the quieter side like i don't know if i'm even saying this right but ya i would love to write for him but it would just take me a while
no but forreal like
if i think about it i really love it when ppl use stereotypes that I DONT AGREE with w a member so i think it is funny to pick that apart? like jihoon and his persona and i am like thats my guy he lives in my pocket he is cool and nice and fyi he is really warm!!! and cozy!!!
when i wrote vernon i think it all started bc of his chill persona and yeah he is chill but i like variety i like emotions i like multi dimensional characters so when i pin point that one stereotype i think its get easier for me????
i think i struggle with joshua bc he is very soft and tender and i want to capture that but i still dont know how???? like i think i said that to you when i read isohei joshua has something naive in him that i cant pinpoint it yet?
so for me i like when people put them in box and i try to put holes in it??? trash the box??? put it on fire???? i dont know something like that
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Pixelicious, 🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works? and 🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants? for the moji ask game, please and thank you 💓💓💓
! @anisaanisa ! Oooh you picked two of my favorite from this list and answering the second one includes major spoilers sooooo the full answer is under the cut :)
🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?
So my most common non-setting based tag (au/canon/etc) is "tumblr/based on a tumblr prompt" which makes me weirdly happy? I love answering prompts and I love feeling inspired by this community. I also love the idea of a fic being made specifically to make someone happy. Yes, it's public and it's for everyone, but sometimes in the big wide world it's just really fuckn nice to know someone thought about you and cared for a minute, right? So yay prompts and yay gift fics.
I also enjoy "you can't prove it's not canon" because those little in between fics are some of the most satisfying (in my not so humble opinion).
🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?
I vaguely outline, but not with any kind of structure like gets taught in creative writing courses. For "longer" fics aka more than 500 words, I usually make a "guidepost" for myself at the top of a fic document to remind myself of why I'm in this fic.
For example this was the top of the doc for Snoring:
Prompt: And A snored all night while B went slowly insane
Immediately after Sango gives birth to the twins, Miroku can't come with for an exorcism but an overly emotional Sango refuses to let Inuyasha go alone. So he brings shippo, who does surprisingly well in the fight. Rain forces them to stay in the village overnight (empty hut at the edge of the village). There Shippo���s snoring and snuggling makes Inuyasha realize just how attached the kit is to him and how much they both miss Kagome (who used to snuggle him every night).
Funny. Then grumpy. Then not really sad, but more a chance to overcome the sad with some acknowledgments. Fuck me this is gonna take some brain power.
Rounding it out:
Inuyasha has been avoiding Shippo because Shippo represents too many icky feelings aka his mixed feels on Kagome being gone. Yes MirSan are allowed to move on, but is Shippo? Is he?
Shippo is going to go to the fox academy thing but Inuyasha decides he’s going to talk him out of it because he doesnt want the kit to leave (will shippo be awake for this revelation? Who knows, certainly not me, the author.)
All the dad and found family feels.
and this was What's Eating You--which is even less formal..
The Plan: Kagome and Inuyasha bunker together at work. They only know each other passively through work, and are not friends but instead find the other annoying. When she has a breakdown thinking she’s gonna die and she has only ever had sex with one person, he jokingly shows her his dick to calm her down. But as the time ticks away and panic rises, they decide the best way to go out is with a bang.
all the oral sex because yes finally they are getting jiggy with it all clear sounds door opens Miroku - aka Inuyasha's friend and a member of the Cleaning Crew (they make the zombies go byebye) is like "oh, well, dont stop on my account. but ps its all clear so if you didnt use a condom now is the time to fix that because you're not gonna die. have fun kids"
"As he shut the door behind him, Kagome realized maybe being eaten by zombies wouldn't have been so bad after all"
Epilogue: maybe a mini scene that opens like a horror movie. there's screaming and shes disoriented and theres a useless body next to her and then she turns on the lamp and lets Inu Jr chow down on her breast while Inu snores like a bastard XD
😘
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I think for 'x reader' fics it's mostly the combination of getting more reach by writing them, and an opportunity to write self-indulgent self-insert fics, without it being overly explicit (as we all know u get bullied if you write self-insert, which is kinda dumb, but I digress) The 'reader' character can be unique, depending on the request you're writing for, but they're still going to have your self-insert traits in them. Otherwise, it'll be far too bland, and it's not really a character at all.
For me personally, writing 'x reader' fics is fun practice, and I love making someone's day better by creating something with their fave comforting them through some problem they are dealing with, or just being lovey-dovey with them. It's nice. It's also mostly fluff or hurt/comfort, since that's what people usually want to read in this style. There is smut as well, but I do not write smut all too often, so that's something I can't comment much about.
I also write the character/character and character/oc fics, and the latter is mostly just for me, and my mutuals. Truth is, not many will read a story with original characters in it, even if you get complimented on them being very fleshed out and realistic. The only way to do so, is to form an already loyal audience, interested in what you create. And, even then, the character/oc fics will get far less traction. So, I've seen plenty of people not doing that for those reasons. The 'what's the point, if no one will read it' mentality. Kind of sad, as I believe that you should be having fun with your writing, and posting whatever you want.
re: your first paragraph
See, that's the part I don't get. So it IS an OC. But people just want to pretend they're not?????¿¿¿¿¿¿
Like why do people want to read about other people's self-insert OCs while trying to claim they don't want to read about other people's self-insert OCs I DONT UNDERSTAND THIS MENTALITY
Like I just
If I was writing for a friend, I'd rather just write my friend in there directly. I dunno.
I recognize I'm the weird one in this scenario. But this is just something that will remain out of my wheelhouse. I'm not trying to judge anyone for this. I'm sure it makes sense to the people who enjoy them. It just doesn't make sense to me.
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idk if it shows but i put a lot of thought into the color schemes and visual appearance of my archive on @creatediana
if u ever wonder why i am so dedicated to writing in Pretty Colors it is because of the pleasure i get from thissssss
#i look at my archive every time i look at that damn blog man#whenever i post on it im like i wonder how the lil thumbnail's gonna look in my archive 🥺#i dont usually TRY to color coordinate but i try to use different fonts/colors/backgrounds around each other i like variety#i also write in my notebooks in gel pen 90 percent of the time bc when i have a visual contrast i can tell its Different Writing#it's also why i almost Neverrrr do text posts#i mean i wouldn't feel that way if they were asks but i don't get asks 😜#if you go down through my archive ive been trying to make it Very Pretty for a couple years now. it was never rly ugly but#ive put more work into the visual in recent years. really for my own pleasure only. nobody ever comments on the colors or whatever#and some of the posts i make kinda end up looking like eyesores bc graphic design is not actually my passion#but they arent as disturbing as a little flower in my beautiful archive garden#tales from diana#my ocd really affects the way ive posted on creatediana for a looong time even tho i never talk about it#ive been trying to be easier on myself in 2020. thats why ive been posting NOT 4-5 NEW POEMS a week anymore#im not writing much less than i used to (except for this month which really screwed me inspiration-wise)#one of my Big Anxious Ticks i developed last year was not having 3 complete rows a month in my archive. which is stupid bc NOBODY CARES#NOBODY LOOKS AT MY (BEAUTIFUL) ARCHIVE EXCEPT FOR ME#i only developed that stupid habit bc i was suddenly pushing myself so hard w updatin the blog#(which is a separate kind of stupid bc i dont... care abt updating the blog to be popular or get attention. i do it for me)#(i really do in the truest sense NOT care if anyone likes 99% of the poems i post. it's nice when ppl do but i just need a place to put em)#(im not secure in my work or writer's voice at all. i just like havng my cute little blog. i dont LIKE showing ppl)#(but i like ppl knowing i write poetry... i guess. im ok w my tumblr followers seeing it bc u guys see all my annoying ass tag rants)#(may as well give a look into my notebooks anyway this is a long aside)#ive tried to calm down w how i run my blog that nobody reads but takes up a lot of space in my head. im gettin better.#sometimes i wonder what i'll do w it... in my future. will i just be postin on there forever? ill probably never be a REAL poet i dont wanna#but i also wonder. will i write poetry for the rest of my life? i never wondered that when i was 15. how long i'd be doing it.#i didn't THINK about if i'd still be 21 and writing po'ems and even still using creatediana. but here i am. im that now.#im a published poet and editor-in-chief of an award-winning community college literary arts magazine#which was more of an accident but still... will i be running creatediana forever? maybe. will i always have >5 notes on average a day?#i hope so#i think my most intense tag rants are always on the posts i make about writing poetry. i have a lot to say about it.
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Fluff Alphabet with C!Technoblade
By Author Glatt
hi! so heres a filler inbetween fics, im currently writing 3 and im trying to take my time, so in the mean time i whipped up this, im also posting an nsfw one later :)
Warnings: none
Hc Template by: @ magical-warlock
A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?
Techno usually likes to stay inside, cuddling you and bonding over books you read, sometimes you guys go adventuring together but techno is pretty protective
B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?
Techno could care less about looks, but he usually prefers his s/o abit heavier since it reminds him of aphrodite!
C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?
Techno would be great at this, having known how it feels. He’d learn what you need, trying not to overwhelm you and just wrap you in a blanket and hand you water/whatever you need and hold you.
D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?
Techno doesn't really have a picture in mind, but he does know he will be with his s/o forever, he's dedicated to you, he’s content how it is now, so he’ll do whatever you want
E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?
Dominant! Definitely dominant.
F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?
It would take a lot to piss off techno, considering he’s head over heels with you, it would take a bit to forgive you.
G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?
Very grateful! Techno is grateful for every day with you, and he thanks the gods they gifted him with you.
H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?
Techno likes to be fairly honest about everything, even the voices, but he refuses to reshare anything from battles or certain things the voices say, they don't want to make his s/o uncomfortable or anything.
I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?
Techno definitely had his life lit up, he was getting rather lonely alone in his cottage, but he looked forward to coming home from battles.
J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?
Techno wouldn't get jealous too easily, he knows you love him as much as he does, although he does have times he gets jealous.
K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?
I dont think techno would be too good at kissing at first, his first kiss would be with you, very clumsy but he’d learn quick and get good at it.
L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?
Oh god- it was awkward. Techno has never done this before, what was the proper way? He asked philza’s opinion, and he ended up on your doorstep with a gold bracelet, and asked to court you.
M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?
Techno would definitely marry you, i feel he’d propose somewhere you were the most happy (like if you liked going adventuring to x) the marriage would be great, although he was always worried about losing you.
N icknames - What do they call their s/o?
Techno would start calling the reader Porkchop! It kinda stuck, i think it would come from phil! And also princess, hes HUGE on princess/prince, because you are one in his eyes!
O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?
Its not obvious at all, people were shocked when it came out you were dating, he never really talked about you and you never did PDA, he likes to keep it in private.
P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?
Techno prefers not to do PDA, but if asked he will confirm hes in a relationship with you, if you really wanted to he’d hold your hand in public.
Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.
He’s quite tall! So it makes for great cuddles, that and i feel like he would always have an instinct to trade, just like piglins. So when you got him gifts, he would give plenty of gifts back :)
R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?
Techno wouldnt be that romantic at first, hes still getting the hang of it, but as time goes on he would be more romantic, he’d be rather creative.
S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?
Of course! Techno would reassure you and do everything in his power to help achieve your goals.
T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?
He’d be down to try out new things, but he prefers to keep to a certain routine
U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?
He knows you pretty well, and he is empathetic but sometimes you get into fights bc hes a sarcastic asshole and he doesn't seem sarcastic and seems /srs
V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?
It means so much to him. Man would be taken back to be executed if it meant your safety
W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.
Techno gets embarrassed by it, but he loves when you scratch the back of his ears, it feels nice! If hes having a rather bad day, you guys will cuddle and you’ll just scratch his ears
X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?
In private? Fuck yes. Man is rather touchy
Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?
Well, hes usually out killing, so killing (get it ig) he’d be kinda urked and you could tell lol
Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?
Like stated, he’d sacrifice himself for you, he’s hell-bent on keeping you safe, since he's such a big target from everyone.
Masterlist
#authorglatt#technoblade x reader#technoblade headcanons#technoblade hcs#technoblade hc#fluff hcs#hcs#dsmp#mcyt#mcyt x reader#techno mcyt#dsmp x reader#fluff alphabet
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like i would \ s.r fanfic
pairing: spencer reid x reader
summary: spencer cheated, and reader wants to get revenge.
genre: angst? i think?
word count: 1.9k
cw: cheating, curse words, talk about sex and mentions of sexual things but no actual smut. (daddy kink, edging, bonding) minors DNI.
a\n: yo im on a roll with writing fics (because i dont want to do my uni work but well ignore that).
also this is obviously inspired by song like i would by zayn.
what is in bold and italic are readers thoughts
masterlist
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She knows what she's doing is wrong. She knows its childish, stupid and petty. She knows that it will probably do more bad than good. But honestly? She doesn't really care.
As she was applying the last touch of her makeup- the dark red lipstick he loves so much, she can't help but grin at her reflection in the mirror. She looks good, damn she will even say she looks hot.
Walking to the bar downtown with her head held high and heels even higher, she knows that tonight, she will make him jealous. He will regret breaking her heart, he will regret acting like a complete asshole to her.
The bar would probably be much too crowded for her liking, but you couldn't expect less from a Friday night in DC. she knows he and his team will be here- after all she still follows penelope on instagram and saw her posting a story of all the team sitting and drinking at their usual bar, and him sitting and smiling on the corner, with the little bitch sitting on his lap.
One last look at herself on the black screen of her phone before going in to make sure she still looks good, one last puff to her hair and one last breath.
She's ready to get her revenge on Spencer reid.
Her long legs carrying her inside the bar, the bouncer already knows her after being here with him so many times that he doesn't even need to check her ID. a year gone to the drain, she thinks to herself about the first night she met him at this exact bar and letting him into her heart. But she wont allow self pity to take over tonight, no, she did it for the past month and had had enough. Tonight she's going to make him sorry, sorry he ever chose that blonde over her.
The loud music blasts as she makes her way through the crowd, people dancing and grinding against each other without a care. She used to be one of them not so long ago with him, dancing like they are alone and nothing can come between them. Well, nothing besides his ability to keep his tongue in his own mouth.
As she talks to the bartender to order her drink, she spots his team sitting in the corner.
‘Now I just need one of them to notice me so I'll have an excuse to come’
she thinks to herself, and like the gods themself heard her, JJ looks her way and waves.
She pays for her drink and sways her hips towards the busy table, making sure to have a visible smirk plastered all over her face.
“JJ hi! I missed you so much!”
The rest of the team moved their heads at the sound of her voice, and though she didn't look in his direction, she could feel him cringe at how close she was to him. All of the team had a fake smile on, trying to hide their obvious tension between you and their teammate.
“Me too y\n! I hope you're doing good, we all missed you on our girls night out last week”
“Yes y\n, you must come with us next time!” penelope added
Y\n took a long sip from her drink and waved her hand in dismissal.
“I'm sorry girls, I've always loved hanging out with you, but I don't think we can anymore. I don't think i can trust you while you're still friends with the man who cheated on me”
All the eyes that were on you were directed toward Spencer, and awkward silence lingered for a few moments while no one knew what to say, or even wanted to say anything.
‘Step one of the plan complete motherfucker’
After another sip from her sweet drink, and still ignoring Spencer's eyes that drilled holes in her head, she spoke again.
“I hope you'll all have a nice time, i'm going to find some better company”
Turning around, a huge smirk on her lips, she knew they all looked at her and felt embarrassed about what she said to them. She hoped that Spencer and that girl would feel even worse than the rest.
With her glass empty, she left it at a random table and walked over to the dancefloor, just close enough so they all would still be able to see her.
‘It shouldn't be hard to find someone to dance with, i look like a goddess tonight’
With her back towards the table who was still looking at her, she moved her hips from side to side, while grabbing the neck of the man closest to her. His name didn't matter, she didn't really care what he did for a living and if he looked good outside of the dim lights. She only cared that he put his hands on her midsection and pulled her close.
After a few songs and some kisses full of tongue, she turned around with his hands still on her, to grind her ass on his growing bulge. She closed her eyes while his hands traveled up, slowly massaging her breasts through her halter top. She opened her eyes and saw exactly what she wanted- straight ahead was Spencer, staring right at her. The little blonde is still sitting on his lap and trying to get his focus back on her.
She smiled mischievously at him, looking straight into his eyes while moving her hands on top of the stranger, encouraging him to grab her boobs even harder.
‘Good thing i didn't wear a bra tonight’
She turned around to the young man behind her, excusing herself to the bathroom and saying she'll be right back. As she walked towards the ladies room, she didn't need to look back to know who was following her. Around the corner she was leaning with her back to the wall, waiting for him to show his face.
“Hi spencer, long time no see”
He stood shocked before her, hands in his pockets, not knowing what to say and how to start this conversation. Why did he even follow her? He had a beautiful girl sitting with him and here he is walking after the woman that told him, in nicer words, to go fuck himself. Sure, he deserved it, but why is he still feeling so drawn to her? Why cant he remain with the other girl, the one that wants him? And most importantly, why is she standing here, looking better than ever, and just laughing at him when he looks at her?
“Cat got your tongue? Or is it the blonde slut that waits for you back at the table that has it?”
Spencer ran his hands over his face in frustration.
“What are you doing here y\n?”
“Just trying to find someone to go home with. Hoping it will be better than the guy i took home from here last time. He was a dick and ended up cheating on me”
Spencer's body moved on his own, slowly inching closer to her. As she glanced down, she saw the tent forming in his pants.
‘Step two complete’
“No y\n, I think you came here to make me jealous. You want to make me regret cheating on you, to try and make me feel as bad as I made you feel. I took control from you and you're just trying to take it back.”
At the end of his sentence he was so close to her, their faces were almost touching, his hands locking her in a cage near her head. For a moment she felt a bit nostalgic for the first time they were in this situation, but it faded quickly when she remembered who he came to the bar with tonight.
“Always the profiler, aren't you daddy?”
A small hiss escaped his lips as she said his favorite title. But she wasn't done torturing him yet. She sneaked her hands up his torso as she continued speaking.
“I gotta be honest with you, when I walked in on you and that girl last month, I felt betrayed. But now, I only feel sorry for you, you wanna know why daddy?”
He started leaving small kisses on her neck, sucking bruises she would have to hide tomorrow.
“Tell me princess”
‘This is too easy’
“Because I know you and I know your needs. Being with a girl 10 years younger than you might be exciting in the start, and might be something that most men fantasize about. But what all men fail to realize, that while she might still have the body of a 25 year old girl, she doesn't have the experience that i have”
She pushed him closer to her by her hands and wrapped her right leg around his torso to keep him pushed against her. Her lips came close to his ear while she continued.
“She doesn't know how to please you, she doesn't know how to touch your body and make you feel like I do.”
She trailed small kisses behind his ear and on his neck, feeling his breath stopping while she sucked a bruise on his pulse point, and her hand slowly rubbing the bulge in his pants.
“Tell me i'm wrong daddy and i'll stop”
But he couldn't speak, she knew he wouldn't be able to. He might like to play dom in the bedroom, but she could control him just as much.
“Tell me, does she submit to you like I did? Does she let you edge her for so long that she's begging for you? Does her body feel as good as mine as it wraps around you? Can she take all of you while she's on her knees with tears running down her face? And most of all, does she let you tie her up and leave bruises that will stay for days?”
He pulled his head up and looked at her in the eyes. They were dark and his pupils were blown wide, full of lust. All he wanted was to kiss her, to push her into the bathroom stall and fuck her senseless, like he fantasized about in the last month after they broke up.
“Youre killing me baby”
‘Oh you haven't seen nothing yet’
She put on the most emphatic smile she could and caressed her palm on his cheek.
“I know, and i hope you'll remember how good i can make you feel, because you will never get to have me again”
She pushed him off her, walking with her back towards the crowd and her face to the pathetic man infront of her, ready to place her final blow.
“I hope that bitch was worth it, because what we had was real and pure. And you fucked up. But that's ok, because I will be able to find another dick to please me, but you will never find someone as good as me. Goodbye forever spencer.”
She walked away from him, not even wanting to hear the poor excuses he would try to say to her. She smiled and waved to the young girl that was staring at her from the table, both of them knowing that Spencer followed her to the back of the bar and why. She slowly pointed at her neck, showing her the purple bruise on her neck that formed from him, seeing how her face fell as she saw it.
‘Maybe now you will feel like i did when i watched you shove your tongue down my boyfriends throat bitch’
And with that, her plan was over. She walked out of the bar, ready to put that chapter of her life behind her.
Needless to say, she never came back to that bar again.
tell me what you think here!
#spencer reid#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid angst#spencer x reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid fic#spencer reid one shot#dr spencer reid#spencer x you#criminal minds reader insert#criminal minds self insert#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds imagine#spencer reid imagine
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My Ships!
Hey guys! So currently it's late at night and I wanna write something to help me sleep. So here I am on my phone quickly writing out all my ships down so you guys can see what a loser I am lol.
Now feel free to discuss your opinions, but dont start any ship wars or bash anyone's ships, alright? Cool! So here we go! Each ship will have a short explanation as to why I ship it. And they are in order from favorite to least, though my least favorite is still one I like.
Ishimondo-This is my biggest comfort ship. I love enemies to lovers so much and these two idiots are just...such a beautiful tragedy.
Saimota-Can someone say bromance? Like please they were flirting so hard it hurts. They are dating your honor.
Saimatsu-Please the way she was able to motivate him? Even after death she helped him improve. They had such chemistry from the very beginning.
SakurAoi-Yeah yeah Sakura has a bf whatever. But they technically werent dating yet cause they were waiting til Kenshiro got well. So...LES GO LESBIANS! Hina was about to commit murder suicide for her boo. Literally lovers.
HaruKaito-So even besides the fact Maki straight up confesses, I disagree with people saying they dont have chemistry. They're adorable and Kaito opens her up to people. This ship is adorable af.
Tokomaru-Similair to Kaito and Maki! Komaru helped Toko be a better person! Like I hated Toko at first, but after UDG, shes a top tier favorite. This ship is too cute.
Soudam-Again I love enemies to lovers. Idgaf if they never show romantic interest in each other shut up. They're beautiful bastards, both of them.
Fuyupeko-...do...do I really need to explain? Just play the second chapter again lol.
Hinanami-Im not a big fan of Hajime. In fact hes my least fave protag. But I think the way they interact and the way he is around Chiaki is too fucking cute.
Sondam-They had the more obvious chemistry in the game, and I love Sonia with Gundham. They fit each perfectly, having similar interests. Plus how sad she was when he died? 😭
Kiiruma-Ok so they're a perfect fit right? Kiibo was one of the only ones to even care when Miu died, and Miu seemed to care about Kiibo. Yeah because she could upgrade him, but I feel theres more there!
Naihiro-Now this is a rare pair. I think the two of them are very cute and soft boys, so they relate to each other. Theyd be a very sweet couple.
Akanidai-Nekomaru literally died to protect Akane, and took two bazookas to the chest for her. They were inseparable. Case closed. They cute.
Daiyakure-Another rarepair. It's hard to ship Hiro with people cause you'll get hit with the "hes 21 and they're underage" argument. But with Daiya Oowada, you can say hey, fuck you! Theres literally no interactions between them. It's almost a crack ship. But I love it more than I should.
Naekure-Another Hiro ship, but this one can be justified by saying they start dating after they escape the game and they know they're both adults. I think Makoto would be a decent balance to Hiro's...everything.
Togakure-Same logic as with Makoto as to when they get together. Byakuya would be able to deal with his idiot enough to calm him down slightly. Plus it would be a funny contrast.
Ishikure-Ok now this is a bit harder to explain. I see it more as they were dating before the mind wipe, and in survivor aus theyd date again. I just think Hiro being the only one to care about him after ch 2 is sweet and that the two would be cute.
Hagekureon-Same reasoning as with Taka;Hiro and Leon were dating before the game and/or they date in survivor aus. I think the two idiots together would be an interesting combo, like with Ishimondo.
Naegami-Finally, back to well known ships!😅 So Byakuya clearly cares for Makoto even if he tries to hide it. He'd be a good partner to Makoto, if not a bit tsundereish.
Kuzusouda-Fuyuhiko was like the only one to try to curb Kazuichi's simping, and they have a nice friendship in the anime(from what I've seen and heard, havent seen all of it😅)so I think Fuyu would be able to help Kaz accept himself.
Asakure-Once again, getting together after game. My friend put it as "the two idiots getting together. Its cute." And hes not wrong lol Despite Hina being slightly smarter and the fact she bullied Hiro a bit in game, I can see them working off each other nicely.
Goshi-Firstly I just love the striking difference in their heights. It's funny as hell to me lmao. But secondly I think Gonta's sincereness and kindness could eventually break through to Ryoma and help him realize he isnt unlovable, and he is worth something.
Twobuki-I just think Ibuki's constant praise and lowkey flirting with Twogami is adorable, especially given his...size. Usually people would make a character like that completely unlovable, so the fact she was seen doting on him so much is adorable.
BandAid-Now I normally dont ship killers and victims. It just doesnt feel right to me. But given Mikan was more or less brainwashed into doing it, i kinda give this ship a pass. Plus i think Ibuki could help her be more confident in herself and stop letting others use her.
Soapies-I dont really like either of these characters, thus why its last on the list, but I think Mahiru is the only one who could "tame" Hiyoko, for lack of a better word. She could help her stop being a bully and actually open up to others. Plus they both care a lot about each other. It's cute. Its sweet.
So that's my list! It might grow, and if it does I'll reblog this post to add onto it! Feel free to give your opinions on it, but remember: no ship wars!
Alright imma go pass out now! Good night guys! Lol
#danganronpa#danganronpa 2#danganronpa trigger happy havoc#danganronpa v3#danganronpa ultra despair girls#ships#danganronpa ships#ishimondo#saimota#saimatsu#sakuraoi#harukaito#tokomaru#soudam#fuyupeko#hinanami#sondam#akanidai#daiyakure#togakure#naegami#kuzusouda#twobuki#bandaid#soapies
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Fourth commandment: honor father and mother
Contain spoilers from the manga.
Old writing of mine. Thought about posting so here you go.
I recently find out that the majority of the fics I have more replogs and comments are avout sadness sooo why not shed sone tears for our bird man this time huh?
He smirked at hearing the sound of you singing in the shower. He had just arrived from work and was greeted by what he loved to hear the most, your voice, his dove's voice
The echo the bathroom made only made him smile more at being able to hear such melodies coming out of your sweet lips.
He would tease you now at them about it. But oh, how it ceased the anciety and pain in his heart on terrible days he would just swallow it up for your sake. Knowing very well that your family life wasn't the best anyway. Not perfect, but was good as you would describe it every now at then with a smile; despite his worried frown whenever that was a fight and affected you so badly to the point you cried over his shoulder at night or morning.
His ears pecked up when your humming stopped and smiled lovingly when the melody of your qorda started to come...
'You left and took, my heart suffocated, and it suppressed my pain, a subtle gesture of loveee~'
A chuckle left his lips. He would never learn where the musics you learmed came from. But it didn't meant it was beautiful no less. He stood up from the couch and took careful steps to hear it more without you knowing it.
'Father. Look at this rain outside ... oh my father, I think the time has come...
aandd dont just, sit there to see and vanish it
the chance that already weaves in the past, oh this little boy's soul just is begging it...'
For some reason... that part, made his heart thump hard on his chest... after all. It did reminded the hero of... him.
His father. The reason why his true name was hidden from the public view and completely erased by the comission. The one that constantly beaten up just for him going into the city just to help others. The man that was a thief, a murderer, a liar... a abuser.
Just when he swallowed up another part of your song came up.
"Oh mother, cover me up with your sacred embrace, allow me to be your son, recreate that thought of a shelter, just don’t leave me alone,
your memory is my calm, swords that pierce into my soul.
like the wind of the desert that is so cold...
How I miss your maternal love and your laughter.
the world only brought me slaughter, I lost that old hope of just being a child,
that the smile never fades, they made me just a weapon..
I am still in the quest to be loved~" the shower sounds stopped as you he heard you sigbh and without him noticing, he stormed out of the roon to close himself on his huge closet, a hand on his mouth as tears threteaned to spill from his eyes at the mention of only blinking them.
Keigo's past was never an easy one... his parents never should be used as a example. His mother did fell in love with a criminal, but that didn't make it easier... she wasn't warm, she wasn't the kind of mother that would just embrace him and help the poor boy feel safe, loved nor protected....
God... she made him go get some money and questioned what were the use of his wings, his quirk... what kind of mother says that to a child that was only trying to help dammit!?
Angry drops of tears strated to fall from his eyes as he controlled the harsh breaths and sobs that threatened to escape beforw his whole body tensed and stopped when he heard the source of his comfort on his adult life...
"Honey? Did you come home earlier? Where are you?" He heard you call and took deep breaths before putting on a smile on his face, a so fake smile that surely you would notice right away.
"Right in the big ass closet dove. I was planning to shower a-anyway." He cursed himself the moment his voice cracked as he desperately picked some clothes to wear as he discarded his hero costume with pure anger.
"..Kei?" He flinched at hearing your voice behind him "Baby is something wrong? Tough patrol, is that?" You carresed his feathers gently and he almost whimpered at how delicately your fingertips brushed against it.
"J-Just a bit. Nothing major." He shrugged and made bee line towards to the bathroom as you stood there in pure worry and confusion at the same time. Never Keigo refused your comfort when you two finally passed that time of getting to know each other in your relantionship.
Frowning, you decided that maybe just a time for himself was best as you picked your favorite and warm pajamas and started to get things started to see if Hawks's mood brighten up for just a bit.
Sadly you knew he was trying way too hard to hide the pain. But the echo of his muffled sobs and curses as he ounched the wall wasn't helping him at all...
Brownies on the oven, Fried chicken already ordered and the most you could do of a nest out of pillows and blankets on the living room right in front of the Tv, already open to choose a movie on your boyfriend's will.
The sounds of the water finally stopped as you mentally prepared yourself as you saw your boyfriend in grey sweatpants and red hoodie, wings and hair all dropey as well as his eyes, him rubbing the top of his hair with a towel until his honeyed orbs widened at the sign of the living room and you cursing yourself for burning your hand at taking out the batch of the brownies out of the oven without protection....
"Fuck..." You hissed in anger before a confused sound left you as a warm and bigger hand grasped yours with care and brought the place where you had burned on his oh so kissable lips.
"Maybe you should have waited a bit. Just saying though." He smirked, but not with the usual glint on his eyes as you frowned but playfully scoffed.
"Excuse me? I am Hawks's girlfriend!" You dramatically proclaimed as he snorted "'The young hero that is way too fast for his own good!', so yeah, I guess I have the right of being a bit too anxious to get the set of brownies I made out just on time, thank you very much."
"And burnt yourself along the way." He chuckled as you showed your tongue at him with a smile but his features soon dropped and looked away from you, in hopes you wouldn't catched.
But you did.
"Whats all this for anyway? Am I geting my ass beaten up for forgetting some day important?" You frowned with a smile as you carefully hugged him from behind, mindfull of his wings as his muscles tensed up a bit only to loose as his scarred hand carresed yours over his chest.
"Cant I just spoil my man for a bit? Especially after a tough day?" You sensed his shoulder getting up and dropping with a watery chuckle as he shook his head in disbelief.
"You didn't have to do all this you know? Is not-"
"Dont." You muttered sternly as you let go of him to get right in front of your boyfriend as you cupped his cheeks "Dont say 'is not a big of a deal' with me Takami Keigo. I know you more than yourself as you once said it. Dont hide things that bother you away from me when you help me just as much with my insecurities and problems, alright?" He looked troubled as his eyes dropped to the ground mainly controlling himself as always but you nudge his gaze back up rubbing your nose against his "Alright?" You asked for the second time as his mouth opened and closed like a fish before giving up and nodding, pulling you to him for him to hide his face on the crook of your neck as he hugged your waist tightly, shoulders shaking.
"Aw my prince..." you cooed as you hugged his neck and caressed his nape "What is bothering you, hm? Is it the comission again pressuring you?" He shook his head as you frowned... maybe it was one of his secret missions he couldn't speak about it...
The inter phone ranged, indicating that the food you ordered was here. Moving away from the hug, Keigo only pulled you back as you frowned but soon noticed a couple of his feathers working their way to catch the money and go pick themselves.
"Kei I would pay myself for those!" You poyted as he only tightened his hold on you.
"Is the least I could do dove... please just at least this let me do it."
"Well.. fine. But you have to get a cool movie to watch. No crappy ones."
"... yeah sure."
Now you were alarmed. Not even a "you're the one who chooses the crap one"s ?.... For All Might, what happened to him...?
"Kei..." you almost whimpered, which catched his attention as he looked at you in concern as he cupped your cheeks in worry which you quickly covered with your own "What's going on? Dont tell me is nothing...please, I can see right through you that something is not right..."
Hawks sighed shakily as his eyes looked at the other direction as well as his hands dropped into your waist to pull you close.
"Sounds stupid but... I heard you singing. Beautiful as always..." he smiled as you contained your urge to squeak in embarrassment "But... I dunno, the lyrics of the song catched me off guard I guess? Speaking of father and mother's love or some shit..." he chuckled dryly as you frowned, catresing the rebel strands of blong hair making their way into his face.
"So it has to do with them? Did they contacted you or something?" You asked softy as you carresed his cheek and was meeted with a shook of his head and a sarcastic chuckle.
"Why would I? She is happy with me far away from her, a nice home to live in... as far for the old man, he..." he sighed heavily "I could care less. Neither of them cared so sometimes I ask myself why the fuck they didn't used the goddamn protection if they didn't want a brat to "ruin" their lifes?!" He sobbed as he clinged to you "he himself made the favor of saying the freacking condom was beaides but he made the mistake of not using it! What kind of dad says that to their kid of six years (Y/n)?! F-FUCKING SIX YEARS! I KNOW I WAS A DAMN MISTAKE BUT DID THEY HAVE TO RUB IT ON MY FACE ALL THE FUCKING TIME?!" Your heart broke in more than two pieces at seing him in this state before you guided him to the make shift nest to pull him down.
"Stop this, Kei-" you shushed him softly as he gulped harshly, gritting his teeth to mantain his tears at bay "If they werent careful, fuck them, this doesn't matter to us. They dont matter. But what they done, it wasn't a fucking mistake. It was a miracle and a blessing. My hero, my boyfriend was born because of these two, so stop saying that you being born was a mistake!" You cried while he stopped grinding his teeth to look at you dumbfounded.
"Your wings saved more people than anyone can count." You whispered tearfully as your hands carresed them before cupping his cheek "You saved more people than anyone can count. You matter not only for me but for a shit ton of people!"
"... you're getting worked up because of this tantrum I threw-" he mumbled only fro widen his eyes at the how you almost screamed.
"Of course I am worked up! Who wouldn't be?! Whenever I have shit to deal with, you get angry at whoever hurted me, so damn well I will get pissed off with or who whatever makes you fell less like the shining bright passionate and beautiful hero that you are Takami Keigo!" You poked his chest angrily before breathing in and out to contain your tears as he finally cracked a toothless smile at your state.
"You... You're so perfect you know that?" You angry face soon vanish at the way he looked at you like you were the solution for all of his problems, like an angel that came to hush all of his dark voices that haunted him at night with nightmares... a look with so much love that almost made you tear up again as a smile cracked into your lips.
"Dammit... love im trying to stay serious..." you hugged and peppered his face with kisses all over until he was chuckling heartless and turning his face enough for your lips to land on his instead of his skin.
You both were breathless as you were on top of him and carresed his golden looks with heart eyes as he closed them with lopsided smile at the pets and all the sweet gestures you did for him, and him only.
"Kei.." he hummed "Seriously, stop thinking about what your parents thought or think of you. They opinion doesn't matter, specially considering who they are and what they done so far... but dont hold hatred either because it only prejudices you, not them." He opened his eyes slowly and stared at the ceiling.
"... i cant actually forgive them. I dont feel I could even if I tried..."
"Im not saying for you to forgive them Kei." You stared at him as he arched one of his eyebrows that you surely need to trim at least tommorow "They are the same thing as the commission if you think about it. Their feelings or opinions towards you doesn't mean anything. Because you, birdboy, are the greatest human being in all world and everything I could even ask for." You smushed his cheeks together causing him to chuckle watery.
"You're gonna make me cry again birdie.." he prosteted heartly as you kissed both of his cheeka then his lips lovingly.
"Then at least be tears of joy, hm?" You hummed as his gaze soften and let tou peck his lips "The food is going to get cold, Im going to grab the plates okay?"
He groaned(whined?) While hugging your waist tighter and pressing his head down on your collarbone "Dont leave now, you're warm..."
"Keigo, you're basically a walking furnace especially with this hoodie, you will live." You giggled when he huffed and looked up at you with a pout.
"My feathers can go grab it then, you stay right where you are. Arent this suppose to be for me after all?"
"You've been gotten lazier every day it passes huh chicken little?" You carresed the apple of his cheeks as he tsked.
"Lazy my ass, I almost never have a day off..." he mumbled before nuzzling on your neck and sighing in bliss.
"Maybe if I pester them enough you can get some... but for now lets just rest here and enjoy the peace and quiet eh?"
"Hmm..." he hummed on your neck, causing vibrations to tickle your skin as you laughed and grabbed the packet his feathers brought, taking a package of nuggets out and almost getting to eat one until a certain bird brain just looked up and opened his mouth.
"You're such a cutie brat you know that?" You plopped the chicken nugget on his mouth as he hummed lovingly before smilling at you one more time.
"First, yeah I think as myself as pretty adorable-ouch!" You snorted at his expression after you pinched his ribs "Second... I love you.. so much." He mmurmured, face getting back on the crock of your neck.
"I love you more..." you kissed tenderly his temple and carresed his back while laying down on the huge amount of pillows.
"I love you more." He grunted.
"Dont argue with me on this!" You giggled as he chuckled.
"But is true... you're my love, my home, my family... my world."
"Takami Keigo if you make me cry one more time I swear Im beating you out of our nest."
"WHa?! WHY?!"
"BECAUSE YOU DO THIS ON PURPOSE YOU ASS!"
"IM NOT EVEN DOING ANYTHING!" He laughed at your desperate laughter and just laying back on the safety of your arms as he breathed in and finally felt the anxiety of earlier completely vanishing.
Yeah... fuck what his parents thought of him. What matters to him is when he is finally popping the big question and making you oficially his.
==============
(A/n) if anypne interested, the start of "song" is actually from a brazilian rap dedicated for gaara, naruto and sasaku called "sem familia" or in english "no family"
#hawks x reader#takami keigo x reader#bnha heroes x reader#hawks#takami keigo#keigo needs love#zuffer writingbnha fanfiction#bnha fanfics#bnha heroes
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