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#at some point in the fandom and probably still in a few corners
soullessjack · 24 days
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idk i just think it’s a little weird that almost every character who gets the “innocent baby” / “little ray of sunshine” treatment usually ends up just having neurodivergent traits and actual negative traits in the show that nobody pays attention to. like idk man it just feels like diet infantilization to me and it’s a teeny weeny bit uncomfortable to see all the time
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hotchs-big-hands · 10 months
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What did you call me?
Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|4.9k words
Aaron Hotchner x plus size fem!reader
NSFW Minors dni please
Warning(s): some angst, yearning, details about graphic crime scenes, strip clubs/sex clubs.
When Dom/sub couples begin to show up murdered mid-coital, the BAU team is brought in to solve the case. But as more couples are found and the unsub remains undetected, it becomes an undercover mission. The posing Dom/sub couple in question? Your intimidating, attractive boss and you.
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Hey everyone, welcome to my first fanfic! I used to write and post stuff back in 2018ish but it was a different fandom. I've not written and posted anything tho since then so I'm a bit nervous! But idk I just got back into cm recently and I saw Hotch and my brain was like oh yeah 👁️👁️ (I used to be a Spencer girlie) and I've mostly written stuff for myself but I decided imma start doing stuff on here too! I hope you enjoy and lemme know if you wanna be tagged in future writings 🥰 side note, I'm a fat gal so I will probably centre most of my stuff around plus size readers cuz there's not enough of it for plus size Hotch girlies 😔 but technically anyone can read and enjoy it! This was getting extremely long so I'm splitting it into three parts so here's the first one! Anyway, enjoy 💅
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The feeling of something blunt lightly bounced against your forehead, making you blink a few times and rub the area with your hand.
"Hey... Who did that?" You grumbled, eyes darting from one face of your coworkers to the next. Three of them all pointed towards the culprit and as your eyes drifted back to him you were met with a cheeky grin on the charming, dark-skinned man's face.
"You were spaced out, sugar." Derek Morgan said. "Got a lot on your mind?"
"Got a lot of him on her mind, more like." A voice cut in smugly, flustering you in an instant, your heart beginning to race. Your eyes flicked to Prentiss, the pristine raven haired woman was smirking at you, her eyes glinting. You squeaked and shifted in your office chair nervously.
"No, Em! Just... couldn't sleep last night."
The weak explanation didn't help, it only widened the smirk on Prentiss' face as she leaned forward.
"Oh? Do tell us more."
"There's nothing to say!" You abruptly turned to the casefile that lay open on your slightly messy desk and tried to ignore the movement at the corner of your eye; Emily was shuffling her chair over to you, no doubt still with that annoying smirk on her face.
"Oh it sure sounds like there is though."
Before you had the chance to defend yourself an all too familiar voice demanded everyone's attention and subsequently caused a shiver to trickle down your spine. Your hands gripped onto your chair.
"My team; in the conference room now. We have a case." Your unit chief spoke. All heads turned to the direction of a slightly elevated walkway where a sharply dressed man stood for a mere moment, locking eyes with yours, before he began walking briskly towards the mentioned conference room.
Fuck. Hotch was wearing your favourite suit and tie today and a few stray wisps of his short, dark hair stubbornly lay over his forehead, no matter how often he must have tried to push them up off his face. Everyday was harder than the previous working with that man. The moment you'd attended your interview months ago, sitting in front of the brooding man, you knew you were fucked. Yes, you had been eager to join the famed BAU unit and were grateful for the opportunity that arose but you'd be lying if another reason you eagerly answered all the questions prompted to you in that interview wasn't because you were instantly attracted to Aaron Hotchner. However, that was almost a year ago now and you were struggling with your growing attraction to the man the more you were around him. Your coworkers and friends certainly were no help, given they'd soon caught onto your crush.
A hand waved in front of your face and you blinked.
"Time to go, lovergirl." Prentiss teased and you sighed, quickly joining the others as they made their way to the case briefing. You needed to focus.
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Landing in Chicago a few hours later, the team were thrust into a gnarly investigation involving couples being murdered in their hotel rooms mid-coital. The crime scene photos were hard to look at, to say the least. Setting up a base of operations in the police department didn't take too long and currently you were in the midst of interviewing family members of the deceased along with Hotch at his insistence. It wasn't often that you took part in these interviews, even less often did Hotch ever team you up with him. Quite frankly, it made you feel a little nervous, but there was no way you'd question his decision. And certainly, you did not miss the subtle smug look Emily gave you as you trailed after the man you thought about way too much.
Sitting beside him in the SUV, just the two of you alone made your head feel a little bit floaty as you tried your best to remain as stoic as possible, reminding yourself of the details of the case so far and of the little bits of information from the families you'd spoken to. Even with the effort there was no preventing the permeating scent of his cologne and a hint of his own natural musk from scrambling your brain. He smelled good, too good, and the way his hands gripped the steering wheel from the quick glances you dared peek developed a heat to coil within the depths of your lower abdomen.
"Are you alright?" His voice brought you out of your thoughts. You felt flushed.
"H-huh?" You felt dumbstruck, all because of him. He exhaled through his nose sharply, clearly dissatisfied with your response.
"You're distracted."
Oh. Of course he could pick up on it. You shifted in your seat, subtly rubbing your plump thighs together.
"I'm okay, I guess I've not had enough to drink today though. I'll get some water when we head back to the station." Not a lie, technically. You'd forgotten your bottle of water you normally had ready to fill up to take on cases. Hotch hummed, the sound deep and making you clench between your thighs.
"I did notice you didn't have your water like you usually do. I should have said something." He said. Wait, he noticed? You didn't think he picked up on things about you, he didn't often appear to pay attention to you besides on a strictly professional level. But as you turned your head to him in surprise his brows were furrowed in frustration, as though annoyed with himself for not saying anything.
"Oh no, it's fine. I've been a bit of a scatterbrain as of late." You admitted sheepishly, a little smile on your lips. Hotch glanced at you, eyes flicking down to your lips, then back to your eyes, making your breath hitch.
"Anything I can do to help?"
You bit your lip, your mind flooded with a whole array of thoughts that you knew you shouldn't be having about your boss. He didn't know he was the reason you were so distracted, desperate to feel his lips on yours, on your body and his hands on your skin, his fingers inside you. Fuck. You needed to get it together, for goodness' sake. You quickly glanced back towards the road.
"Ah, no. I'm okay, sir. I'll sort myself out." You murmured, missing the way his knuckles whitened under the pressure of his grip on the wheel.
"Don't hesitate to come to me if you need anything."
You tried not to think of what you wanted him to do to you, instead humming in response.
"Thank you, sir."
You needed to get out of this damn car as soon as possible.
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Immediately upon returning to the station you rushed off to find a vending machine so you could grab a bottle of water. As soon as you had your hands on the cold, plastic bottle you were gulping down the cool liquid, not realising just how flushed you felt.
"Whoa, slow down there, (L/n)!" You heard JJ's voice from behind you and you turned, pulling the bottle from your mouth wide-eyed. The blonde woman looked slightly alarmed. "Are you okay?"
You nodded.
"Yeah, yeah. I just forgot to bring water so I kinda got a bit dehydrated I think." You explain quickly. JJ frowned a little.
"You'd better be careful next time. And don't drink too quickly, you could accidentally choke."
You smiled sheepishly under her scolding and screwed the lid back on.
"Sorry, I'll drink slower."
JJ led you back to the office where you found the familiar sight of Spencer pouring over a map of the area. Pieces of string had been wrapped around pins indicating the last locations victims were seen and the scenes of their murders, no clear pattern in sight as there sometimes was. On one of the tables lay several empty paper coffee cups, a few rings of spilled coffee staining the surface top. He was speaking quietly to another member of the team, David Rossi, and Hotch; of whom stood beside the young Doctor with his arms folded across his chest, inevitably tightening the suit over his physique. You forced yourself to focus on the map.
Not long after your arrival you heard two sets of footsteps trudge into the room.
"No employees or frequent customers that are of note. We have nothing." Derek huffed as he made his way over to one of the chairs and slumped down into it. Emily joined you and JJ, her face appeared neutral but you could tell there was a hint of annoyance behind it. You heaved a deep sigh and felt eyes on you which made you instinctively seek out who it was, only to be startled when your eyes met deep brown ones, almost black in the artificial lighting. Hotch didn't look away, instead holding your gaze until you quickly turned away, feeling embarrassed.
"There has to be something that connects them all." Rossi said. Your eyes drifted across the map, narrowing a little. There had to be a mutual place that all these couples had been to in the final week leading up to their deaths. Somewhere that couples who enjoy sexual relations more than the average couple would go. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and quickly scrolled through your contacts until you found the one you were looking for. As you pressed dial you put the call on loudspeaker it merely rang once before there was an answer.
"Hello, you've reached the hotline for the simply fantabulous Penelope Garcia; how may I assist you?" A bubbly voice filtered through. All eyes were on the phone as you placed it on the table in front of you.
"Hiya, babe, I have a request for you. We're trying to find a link between the couples but so far nothing has cropped up. But I have a theory," you spoke, feeling a little awkward at what you were about to say. "Uhm, do you think you could try search for any strip clubs or even straight up sex clubs in the area? Easily accessible or possibly a more hidden club?"
You could feel his eyes on you again but you tried hard to stare at the phone. Garcia gasped from the other end of the line, but the sound of nails on a keyboard reassured you she was already on the case. Beside you, you felt Emily poke you and you lightly shoved her with your wide hip.
"Oh wow, I did not think I would be looking at this sort of thing today. But lucky you, I have a whole list of places! I-" there was clicking, followed by another gasp. "Oh my! That is certainly a homepage! You have no idea about the things I'm seeing right now, well, I mean I'll be sending these to you anyway but gosh! I'm going to do a thorough clean of my history once this case-"
"-Garcia, focus." Hotch said firmly and you heard a quick apology from the other end of the line. He moved to lean over the table, propping himself up with his hands as he took charge of the phone call. "We need security footage from these locations. Whatever you can give us, we'll take it."
More clacking of nails, you tried not to stare at your boss as he leered over your phone, forcing yourself to look away from his straining suit, the dangling tie, his large hands. Horrifically, you instead met eyes with the oldest of the group, Rossi, who had clearly caught you ogling Hotch from the glint in his experienced eyes and the twitch at the corner of his mouth. Shit. You could only hope no one else had witnessed your blatancy. Thankfully, Garcia's voice came through again.
"I'm sending over whatever footage I can find as well as the addresses to the establishments now."
You reached across the table, hyper aware of how close you were to Hotch as you took hold of your phone. He studied you carefully when you hurried backwards, swallowing thickly. You cleared your throat.
"Thanks, babe, you're a star." You said.
"Well of course, I'm your star." Garcia responded cheerily and the line went dead. Hotch straightened up and pulled his suit back into place, turning to address everyone.
"We need to review the footage and find out which location all the victims visited at some point within the last few weeks, then we can make a plan of action." He was stern as he spoke, hands in his pockets and his shoulders squared. There was a mutual noise of agreement from everyone and you all split into smaller groups around the monitors in the room. Hotch disappeared off to find the chief of police and you couldn't help but let your eyes follow him as he rushed out of the room, eyes transfixed on the tight fabric of his dress pants.
"Girl, you aren't even hiding it." You heard Derek say and you huffed, walking over to Spencer and sitting down next to him. He offered you an awkward smile and shuffled his chair to the side so you could get closer to the computer he was working on.
"Shut up, Derek." You muttered and he chuckled.
"I'm just saying, you should probably talk to him."
Your eyes widened in horror.
"Excuse me?"
Spencer cleared his throat.
"I agree, It's a bit obvious that he's interested in you too." He said softly and you huffed, shuffling your chair closer to the table and leaning towards the computer screen.
"Stop saying ridiculous things like that, both of you. We have work to do anyway."
Derek stepped back with his hands raised in surrender before retreating back to the computer he was situated at whilst Spencer simply watched you carefully, frowning a little.
It was dangerous for you to even dare think of such things. There were so many reasons why you couldn't let your mind go there. If not for the ethical reason due to his and your job statuses, then maybe because he was much older than you with a son. But also you'd seen photos of his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend and you certainly didn't look like his type. Not slender, not sleek like they were. You didn't think he was a shallow man but you'd also dealt with disappointment after disappointment with how others had treated you based on your appearance. You had to keep yourself safe, so your attraction for your boss would remain nothing more than a secret from him. You sighed softly as the young man beside you clicked on the first video footage from one of the private sex clubs. There was no more time to waste.
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The following few hours were downright miserable, viewing video, after video of footage from various clubs until you felt as though your eyes and your brain would melt out of your head. Finally, however, Emily made a noise of alarm, mouth full of cheap coffee, and alerted everyone to her computer. Swallowing the burning, bitter liquid, she retracted the footage a little and replayed it.
"Look, It's the Smiths! The first couple to be murdered. They came in to this very exclusive private sex club at the end of last month." She said hurriedly. In the slightly fuzzy camera quality indeed the couple waltzed into the lobby of the facility and approached the reception desk.
"Fast forward the feed." You heard Hotch say, causing goosebumps to bristle across your skin. You knew he had returned at some point but didn't expect him to stand right beside you. Someone made a call to Garcia and she confirmed with her database that it was indeed the couple. Further analysis of the footage from days afterwards showed that every single of the other couples had also been to this sex club too shortly before they were murdered. And yet they had no indication still of who was the murderer.
The day was drawing in at this point but as a final task before anyone would return to the hotel, Hotch sent out Morgan and Prentiss to the club to ask some questions, something that you couldn't help but chuckle at. The raven haired woman narrowed her eyes slightly at you.
"Laugh all you want but I'd be careful if I were you." She warned but you simply smirked.
"Don't have too much fun now, you two." You said cheerily, Morgan raised a brow at you and then the two were off begrudgingly. You felt JJ sidle up beside you.
"You know she will get you back." She murmured and you shrugged.
"She doesn't scare me."
"She scares me a little." Spencer said aloud, causing the two of you to turn your heads in his direction. He flushed, ducking his head slightly. "I- uh, well you know how she is."
"I wouldn't think you were intimidated by her, Spence, I mean you're the one who won the prank war with Morgan." JJ said, chuckling. A small smile tugged at his mouth.
"I wouldn't cross Emily, though."
You hummed and pushed up out of your chair.
"Well anyway, either of you want a hot drink?" You offered. JJ smiled.
"Oh no, thank you." As Spencer opened his mouth to respond she lifted a finger up at him. "Ah- you definitely don't need anymore coffee at this time of day."
A quiet giggle passed your lips and you turned to head to the kitchenette of the station.
"I'm not getting involved."
Walking out of the office you crossed the police department, avoiding any officers who still remained within the building, and came to a pause in the entryway of the kitchen, dipping away from the doorway out of sight. The two oldest members of the team were in a deep conversation, Hotch with his back to the door and Rossi facing the direction you were in. They spoke quietly, you knew you shouldn't listen in and yet you couldn't help it.
"Stop being absurd. What makes you think I'd even consider doing that?" Hotch hissed, his voice barely audible from where you were.
"Come on, Aaron, you can't keep this going forever. You know that." Rossi countered. There were more words said but were too quiet for you to decipher. That was until Hotch spoke a little louder again, sounding more frustrated.
"I am not currently wishing to be involved with anyone like that, Dave. I just can't."
In an instant you felt your heart in your throat, your eyes stinging.
Oh.
You felt stupid. Of course he wasn't interested in dating anyone. Even despite closely guarding your feelings for Hotch to be nothing further than a personal crush that he would never find out about it still hurt knowing you never had a chance to begin with.
Walking a few steps away from the kitchen, you made a point of entering the kitchen area, feigning surprise as your eyes landed on the two men in the room. Clearly, your entrance startled them, particularly him, who looked a little guilty before the slight expression glossed over with stern stoicism. Hotch glanced away, turning to Rossi.
"I'll see you at the hotel." He muttered and then he was brushing past you, his hand grazing your arm slightly and his scent consuming your senses. And then he was gone, all that remained was the slight coolness of his absence. You swallowed thickly but tried to mask your emotions from the seasoned agent still remaining.
"Coffee? There's some left still, maybe enough for one last cup." Rossi said softly. You smiled slightly as you approached him but shook your head.
"Ah no, thank you. I'm going to have tea. It's way too late for coffee, don't you think?"
The man hummed, watching you carefully. You suspected he had seen you earlier, that you'd heard the conversation but you didn't feel like talking about it.
"I hope you know that if you ever need someone to lend an ear that I'm always willing to listen."
Your hands faltered slightly during sorting out putting a tea bag in a clean mug. Your eyes flicked to the side at Rossi briefly.
"I know that."
"I know you heard what you think you heard but-"
"-Let's not- We aren't talking about this." You cut him off shakily, stopping yourself before you poured the hot water into the mug. "There's nothing to say about it."
You turned away from the kitchen counter to lean against it, rubbing your tired eyes with your palms. Rossi sighed quietly.
"You didn't catch the whole conversation." He tried after a moment. You scoffed.
"It wasn't for me to hear. I only did so by accident. I'm not going to read into it because the only people who were meant to hear what was discussed was you and-" Your throat felt tighter still, an unseen coil constricting you, just as the man you longed for constricted your heart and soul. You didn't say his name, couldn't. Mercifully, the man before you understood.
"I know."
You nodded. The mug of tea wasn't appealing anymore; the quiet promise of solitude in a hotel room called to you more than all else.
"I.... I think I need to call it a night. I don't feel well."
Rossi placed a hand on your upper arm and squeezed lightly.
"I'll inform the others and grab your stuff then I'll drive you to the hotel we're staying in," he fished out the keys to one of the SUVs and handed them to you, the metal clinking together. "Go, wait in the car for me." He said. The corners of your mouth tilted upwards in appreciation and you hurried out, eager to have even a moment to yourself.
The moment you pushed the doors of the building open and stepped outside you exhaled, grimacing slightly at the still, warm air of the night. You'd hoped it would have cooled down more, now that the sun had long since settled behind the horizon, but you felt stifled, the heat doing nothing to soothe the tightness in your throat and chest. Breathing shakily, you unlocked the car and climbed into the passenger seat, laying your head back against the head rest.
There was no reason for you to feel so upset about this. It wasn't as though you intended on ever approaching your boss about your ever growing feelings for him, you wouldn't dare do that. And yet you felt almost physically sick from heartbreak and the worst part was he didn't even know the pain you were in. Hell, you didn't even know where he was right now after he rushed out of the kitchen.
You knew the moment Rossi obviously had retrieved your belongings judging the way your phone had begun to vibrate from text notifications, no doubt from your coworkers. You'd answer them when you made it to the hotel, you decided. A few minutes later you spotted the older man exit the station and approach the car you were in, your bag and coat in hand. The sight made you smile even the tiniest bit, something that he noticed. You felt the car jolt a little as he opened the trunk so he could put your belongings down and jolt again when he slammed it lightly. A second later he was climbing in on the driver's side where you held out the car keys to him.
"Thanks." He took the keys and inserted them into the ignition, the engine roaring to life and you slipped your seatbelt on. Rossi glanced at you. "Let's get you to the hotel. Best thing about this is if there aren't enough rooms for one each you can have first pick on if you want the single or not." He said as you pulled out the station parking lot. You scoffed.
"Oh you know I'm absolutely taking the single this time." You retorted. In any other scenario you would have risked sharing a room, risk being paired with him. Now the thought made you want to cry. Your little smile faded and you turned your head to the window, resting on the cool glass. Sensing you were finished talking, Rossi didn't say anything else for the remainder of the drive.
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A little groan escaped your lips when you collapsed backwards on the single bed in your hotel room, exhaustion overrunning your very being from the long day. For a moment you simply lay there silently, staring at the dulled white ceiling whilst your mind raced. You knew this wasn't ideal, you couldn't let yourself be distracted from the case.
Huffing, you remembered that you needed to respond to messages to let the others know you would be alright by the morning. After pulling your phone out of your pocket, the screen lit up and your eyes flicked across the notifications on the lock screen. Lots of messages from your worried coworkers. You unlocked the phone and set about answering them one-by-one. JJ and Emily offered to stop by your hotel room to check in on you, not knowing you'd been feeling unwell up until this point, but you reassured them you would be okay.
Just as you finished your nightly routine and pulled the covers back, there was a knock on your door. Your brows furrowed slightly. Who would be knocking at this time? Sighing, you approached the door and leaned close to the peephole, expecting to see one of the ladies or maybe even Rossi.
Standing tensely with his shoulders squared was Aaron Hotchner. A quiet gasp escaped you and you jolted backwards from the door. What the fuck was he doing here?! With shaky hands, you pulled the door open and slightly covered yourself with it, hyper aware of your clothing situation. Hotch perked up and stared down at you.
"Rossi informed me that you weren't feeling well and had to retire early." He murmured gently, his face stern. You swallowed and silently invited him into your room by stepping back, pulling the door with you. He cautiously walked into your hotel room and you closed the door behind him, wrapping your arms around yourself in a feeble attempt to cover your body up. Why, oh why did you have to wear shorts that barely covered your ass and an old tee that wasn't as baggy anymore from being washed one too many times?
You cleared your throat and avoided looking in Hotch's direction.
"He's right. But I'm sure I'll feel better by tomorrow though."
You offered a little smile, eyes flicking to his face and realised he was staring. Except he wasn't staring at your face, no, his eyes were focused lower down at your chest. Christ. You quickly looked away again before he realised you'd caught him out and he hummed, the sound making you clench.
"What's wrong?"
Oh no. You couldn't answer that. Your eyes met his and you opened your mouth, hesitating with no response to give.
"I.... Just felt sick, that's all. I'll be okay though."
You never were good at hiding how you were really feeling, the deepening frown on the man's face before you merely evident of this.
"Are you certain? You can tell me anything, you know that." He said softly as he stepped closer to you. You nodded and tried smiling again at him.
"I know, sir. I promise I'm alright though." You tightened your arms around yourself until your flesh dipped under the pressure of your fingertips. Hotch's eyes trailed over you from head to toe, clearly unsatisfied with your reluctance to tell him the truth, but didn't push the matter further. You inhaled as he stepped closer still, his scent once more overwhelming you. His fingers flexed at his side as though he was conflicted and you wished he would reach out and touch you. Eventually, he sighed quietly and retreated a step.
"Alright. But I will be keeping an eye on you now."
Not good. You nodded though, then yawned and your cheeks flushed with warmth. Despite the tension, a small smile tugged at Hotch's mouth.
"You should get some rest." He said. You chuckled.
"Yeah, you as well though. I know what you're like."
He raised a brow at you.
"Really now?"
Your eyes widened and you stuttered.
"W-well I'm just saying, you do leave the office last, you're up earlier than everyone else too-" you cut yourself off, not wanting to dig your hole any deeper. You dared a quick glance his way and he was still slightly smirking.
"Get some rest, your boss is going to be up early again tomorrow to call everyone in."
A little chuckle escaped you and you followed Hotch to the door, grabbing the door as he opened it and hiding behind it again as you watched him make his way out into the corridor. He turned back to you and gazed down at you again.
"Good night, (L/n)." He murmured. Your eyes met and you gripped onto the door.
"Good night, sir."
He shifted, as though debating something in his head, then he turned and stalked down the corridor. You didn't close your door until he disappeared from sight. When you returned to your bed you collapsed down onto it whilst your mind raced. That night your dreams were filled with forbidden touches and kisses from the man you loved.
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And that's part one for now pls lemme know what you think and if anyone wants to be tagged in future works! Thank you for reading 💖💖
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kaylinelizabeth4004 · 8 months
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Heaven is Here
SYNOPSIS: Through many fleeting moments throughout history with a strange woman, Aziraphale and Crowley learn they accidentally trapped a human soul to Earth, stuck to reincarnate forever.
TAGS: Aziraphale x Crowley x Reader, fluff, slight angst, soulmate au (on accident), history, historical settings, no beta we die like men
WORD COUNT : 12,253
A/N: This fic is kind of accidental. I’ve always been more about Aziraphale/Crowley in this fandom than any reader insert, but one day I happened upon a Tumblr fanfic and had an idea. This probably won’t be a regular thing - except I am planning a sequel to this exact fic - but I thought why not. Im still more Aziraphale/Crowley.
55BC—————
"And you love this?" Crowley asked, holding the seafood up to the light as though it would reveal to Aziraphale all the disgusting little details.
"It's delightful!" Aziraphale insisted, showing Crowley how to eat the oyster. "Try it, dearest. You might just enjoy it."
Crowley pursed his lips, not wanting to put whatever the hell this was in his mouth. But Aziraphale was looking at him with those eyes. He didn't know how describe them, and he didn't want to analyze how they made his heart hurt inside his vessel's chest. So he closed his eyes and ate the damned thing.
He put a hand over his mouth to stop the gagging. This Angel's taste was not quite normal if this is what he considered fine dining. He tried to smile politely, to not let him know that it was utter horseshit.
"You don't like it," Aziraphale said with a rather disappointed voice.
"N-No, I don't," Crowley said, and he didn't know why but he was sad to disappoint the angel. He was just trying to be kind after all, it wasn't as though he had properly sinned. But why would a demon feel bad for an angel? That went against his lot's whole thing.
However, Crowley found a wicked part of him that liked pissing off his lot. He'd never put it in as many words however.
"Pity, they are quite delectable."
"Sure, angel," Crowley said, sipping a large mouthful of wine. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, eating and drinking as they'd like. Then Crowley looked up to Aziraphale's soft "ahem." He was pointing behind Crowley, and when he turned he saw what caused it.
A young woman was sat in the corner, a large glass of wine in her hands, and she was weeping to herself. It wasn't loud or particularly noticeable, if it wasn't for the tear tracks down her cheeks, glittering as they caught the light. She was looking at her lap and sipping the wine, balking at the taste yet coming back for more.
"She looks happy," Crowley said.
"She looks sad! You demons need to learn the proper emotions."
Crowley stared at Aziraphale for a moment, wondering if he was joking. Upon realizing that Aziraphale was, in fact, not joking Crowley said, "that was sarcasm, Angel."
"What was sarcasm?"
"My comment, 'she looks happy.' Of course she doesn't look happy that's why I said it."
Aziraphale furrowed his brows, "but your words meant the opposite of what you said."
"Exactly," Crowley said. And with a flourish he added, "it's called sarcasm."
"But why say something you don't mean? Isn't that lying?" Aziraphale asked, in all sincerity.
Crowley thought it over, "s'pose it could be seen that way. Most people view it as ironic."
"Oh, yes, of course." Aziraphale took an anxious sip of wine, looking back towards the girl.
"Angel..."
"Yes?" He was avoiding eye contact
"You don't know what ironic means, do you?"
Aziraphale pouted, "no I don't and I quite detest that you do."
"Ironic literally means saying the opposite of what you mean for some sort of point. Mine being that she looks downright miserable."
"Even though you said she looks happy." Aziraphale said slowly as he tracked that line of logic through his head.
"Right, even though I said she looks happy."
"And that's ironic?"
"Don't ya think?" Crowley said with a wide smile, his teeth appearing almost like he had pointed fangs.
"Why yes I do think-"
"Angel, that was irony."
"Oh." Aziraphale blinked rapidly a few times then sipped his wine, embarrassed he didn't know something that Crowley did know. He thought he was the knowledgeable of the two. "Well, sarcasm or not, we should help her."
"We?"
"Why - yes, we're both here and we see -"
"I don't help people," Crowley said quickly, his voice deep and harsh. "I'm a demon, I do the opposite of help."
"Well, yes but-"
"There are no buts with this. My lot were created to ruin your lots pickings. I pillage and plunder, that's my job." Crowley said this firmly as though it would make his point clearer. The more intense he was, the more his words seemed to slur together a bit.
Aziraphale paused for a moment, and Crowley wondered if he was about argue his point once more. "Isn't the phrase rape, pillage and plunder?"
"I don't do that. I'm not a monster," Crowley balked. He finished his wine and set the glass down. Throwing some money on the table he said, "sorry Angel. Got a priest to tempt. Catch you later."
"Oh, goodbye." Aziraphale said as Crowley ambled off through the restaurants doors. But despite himself, Aziraphale found himself smiling. Crowley wasn't truly all bad, even if he thought himself it. His gaze at the doors quickly moved over to the pretty girl weeping. She was still crying and her glass was a lot emptied.
Aziraphale got up, straightened his toga, and walked over to the girl. "Oh, um, hello. I'm -" oh shoot, he hadn't thought of this part yet. He had to quickly think of a name. Instantly his eyes shot up to the art above her, a fleece. Aha! "Jason. My name is Jason. Pardon the intrusion, but I couldn't help but notice you're upset."
She sniffled, setting the glass down on the table. Aziraphale was struck by her face, now that he could see it not turned down and hidden. She was pretty. She eyed him warily, "Yeah, what's it to you?"
Aziraphale sat down on the chair opposite her, "I wondered if I might be able to help."
She laughed bitterly, "only if you can stop the Emperor." Aziraphale's eyebrows raised at that and she rushed to cover for herself, "oh no, I didn't mean that. All Hail the Caesar and what not. He's doing a mighty fine job."
"It's certainly not a 'mighty fine job' if he's got you crying as such."
"No, I s'pose not."
"What can I do for you?"
"Nothing," she said honestly, wiping the tears away quickly. "Honestly, Jason, I appreciate the thought but what's done is done. You can't change the past."
Aziraphale made a face in slight disagreement, though he knew he couldn't explain that to a human female. "Then perhaps telling someone will make you feel better. I harbor no connection with the Emperor, your opinions are quite safe with me."
She stared up at him after he said this, looking him truly in the eyes as though they told her all she needed to know. Then she did speak. "It's this invasion on Britain. My father and brother were both sent off and I worry. I've heard horrible things about the natives, truly barbaric things like removing of one's head. I don't want them to be hurt. Especially my brother, he's so sweet. He could get hurt by the army rather the natives."
"Hurt by his own army?"
"He doesn't stand up for himself. And that lot can be harsh. I s'pose I shouldn't blame them, I'd be harsh too if I had to kill people in battle. But I worry they will pick on him, push him 'round to try and get him to fight, and he won't."
"Ah, I see," Aziraphale said, rolling his tongue in his mouth as he thought it over. "Well, I can assure you one thing. The natives are not unnecessarily cruel. They do fight, but only when they need to. You couldn't expect anything less, dear."
She nodded, biting her lip. "No, you're correct. I'd defend my country against invaders as well."
"But they won't torture. Your brother will be quite alright, I'm sure of it."
After a minute of silence she looked up again at Aziraphale, "Thank you, Jason. Strangely enough, that makes me feel better. Knowing it wouldn't be torture."
"No, it wouldn't be."
"I really should be going, my daughter will be expecting me."
"Right, of course. Blessings on you, my dear." And though he'd already said the blessing, he felt compelled to say it again. To strengthen it for this poor soul. "Blessings on you forever."
Aziraphale helped her out of her seat. Just then, for an imperceivable second, Aziraphale thought he saw a golden shine cross her eyes. He didn't think much of it, figured it was the miracle. He'd never seen that happen, but he wasn't often looking in their eyes.
She took his hand, kissed the back of it, and thanked him again before walking out. Aziraphale smiled contentedly, though he felt a pull in his heart he hadn't felt before. Urging him to follow her, but he figured it was some sort of indigestion.
Crowley was sprawled on a bench not far from the restaurant, glancing up at a night time sky he couldn't see. He wanted to see it, but he gave up on that dream 2,000 years ago. The Fall took many things, and his eyesight was one of them. He could still see in general, he knew what people's faces looked like and where he was going. But specifics were lost on him, and the night looked like eternal darkness rather than the sparkling stars and planets he'd been told about.
"I helped create some of those," he mumbled to himself.
Then he closed his eyes, needing to not look at what he couldn't see. It still hurt, as though the wound wasn't thousands of years old. But it never properly healed in the first place.
He felt a weight against his foot and heard a thud within a matter of seconds, and he blinked in surprise. At his feet, a young woman was crumpled to the ground. His foot was sticking out in the pathway. Whoops.
He thought about rising to help her, then thought better of it. Beelzebub didn't need another reason to hate him. So he sat still and watched the woman get onto her hands and knees, glaring at him.
"Not going to help are you?"
"No, I think I'm keen to just watch," Crowley responded. She rolled her eyes, getting onto her feet and dusting off her toga. He examined her quickly, not knowing what to make of her. Then, she said something entirely unexpected.
"Keep your foot out of the way, asshole."
It wasn't a particularly inspired remark, nothing witty or threatening. But it was the fact that a random woman said that to him, a demon, without prompting. And with that remark, she walked away.
"Damnation on you eternally," Crowley murmured, waving his hand in a flourish towards the woman. He doesn't know why he said it, he's never really said it like that before and he certainly didn't why he even added the 'eternally' bit. But whatever the reason, he said it.
Though he knew she was too far away to hear him, she turned and looked back. And found a brief moment, maybe it was the trick of the light, he saw a golden shine pass over her eyes. She smirked shyly, then turned and walked away. And with each step, Crowley felt his heart pulse in a way he hadn't felt before.
1377—————
There was complete silence in the cathedral as a young boy, only aged 10 and dressed in trousers, walked through the crowd towards the priest. They seemed to hold their breaths as he lay on the floor before God, surrendering himself to Her mercy. Aziraphale watched the coronation. He had mixed feelings about the child, Richard. He wasn't a particular fan of the whole 'king' concept, but he thought the honoring to God bit was a nice touch. He wore simple enough clothes to note stand out, yet nice to enough to be recognized as a noble. His layers were in varying degrees of beige as he hid in the very middle of the crowd.
After the 10 minutes on the floor, Richard rose and made his way to the priest where he was being dressed in oil.
"Bit like a salad, eh?" A sultry, baritone voice said from beside Aziraphale, making him shudder. When he looked, it was Crowley. Dressed in similarly simple noble clothes, of course in tones of black and red, he watched the young king as different body parts were coated in oil for different purposes.
"Crowley? How did you get in here? It's a church?" Aziraphale said in a hushed whisper, earning glares from the people beside him. "Sorry Lord Wellington."
"Churches are built by humans."
"And what does that have to do with anything? You're still a demon in a place of worship for God," he said the word 'demon' especially softly for fear someone would turn in a panic at the word 'demon' being said in a cathedral.
"Yeah but it wasn't made by God. It was made for Her, by humans. Totally human structure."
"It is not."
Crowley shrugged his shoulders, "you got a better reason I can come and go in these?"
Aziraphale pursed his lips, "I suppose not."
A loud smack echoed through the church and Crowley frowned, "you made me miss the slap, Angel."
"That is your concern?"
Crowley shook his head in frustration, "He's a bloody king now, last time he coulda gotten hit and it's by a priest. S'course I wanted to see it."
"He's a child."
"Not anymore. He's got too much to think about now to be a child."
"No," Aziraphale wondered. "I suppose he's not longer a child at all. You know, dearest, you really do have the grandest thoughts when you think about it."
"Shut up," Crowley replied, his cheeks turning rosy at the compliment.
Within seconds of him saying it, the priest placed the crown on top of boy's head and declared loudly, "Long Live King Richard II!"
The crowd burst into applause as the young king was carried through the cathedral. They whooped and hollered, crying "all hail" and "god save the king" as he passed them by. The boy looked cheerful, pink cheeks and bright curls waving underneath a crown that looked awful heavy for a boy his age. But no, Aziraphale thought, perhaps this was the end of his childhood after all.
"Are you attending the feast afterwards? I hear they will serve beef, and I haven't have beef in decades!"
"Ahh, well I don't know, Angel."
Aziraphale smiled, leaning in as though he was sharing a conspiratorial secret, "I hear there are miraculously two spots for a Lord Fell and Mr Fell, if you are so inclined."
Crowley's eyebrows shot up, eyes hidden beneath his favorite pair of sunglasses, "oh you devil!"
Aziraphale's smile dropped, "don't you say that."
There was a pause as Aziraphale processed the hurtful words, and Crowley processed that he actually cared to make it right to him. Then all at once, they both started speaking on the issue, words overlapping in a frightful mess.
Crowley sighed, "Right I'm sorry -"
"- that really hurts -"
"- I know, I know -"
"- I mean, I am most certainly not fallen -"
"-we had this conversation in 1066 -"
" - I did not appreciate that."
" -I know, Angel. I'm sorry."
After that final note, Aziraphale nodded. "Alright, well. Thank you."
They started to walk together towards the banquet hall not far from there, waiting to indulge in fine wines and beef. There was a large parade towards it, all the nobles and even those fortunate peasants engaged in laughing and singing. Jesters performed stupid dances in their funny hats, knights marched in perfect unison, and songs came pouring from every lute and voice in the area. It was a perfect celebration of a new king, all on their way to fall victim to gluttony, drunkenness, lust, greed and infinitely more temptations.
All things that should fill Crowley's heart with a miserable sort of glee. And yet... he felt off. Crowley couldn't explain the feeling in his chest, almost like a nagging telling him things weren't right. But all this temptation, he thought. This ought to be perfect! But it wasn't, and he had a feeling before he even glanced at his Angel that it was because of him.
Sure enough, he was right. Though Aziraphale hadn't said anything, being kind enough to accept Crowley's words at face value and dropping it, but Crowley knew him well enough to know something was wrong. He hadn't made it up to him.
"Angel, a word -" Crowley said, grabbing Aziraphale's elbow and leading him away from the crowd. As he did so, he missed the way Aziraphale's mouth dropped open, blue eyes fixated on the contact. They'd rarely touched before.
"Yes, Crowley?" Aziraphale asked politely but his tone was full of too much passive aggression to really be polite. He stood stock still, arms poised in front of him and looked expectedly at Crowley.
"I- I, I need to..." Satan this was hard. The words felt like glue in Crowley's mouth but he did his best to force them out. "I need to, to s'make it up to you."
"Pardon?"
Oh damn Aziraphale, making Crowley actually communicate. "What I said, I was wrong. You were right. It wasn't right of me and I need to make it because my apology isn't enough."
"I never said that."
"Ah, yeah, you never said it. But you's do this thing with your face when you's upset. And my words aren't getting there. Just tell me what I can do to make it up to you."
They waited a moment, staring at one another. Suddenly, a large crash came from parade and the two looked over in surprise. The musicians were playing a long, one very eager man slamming the cymbals that caused such a loud sound. Behind them another jester bobbled along a delicate little dance, flourishing his arms on either side before turning and doing a bow.
Crowley saw Aziraphale's eyebrows raise, the corner of his cute little mouth twitch up and a finger pointed towards the little dance. He ran to stop it, saying, "no, no, no, I'm not doing that."
"Come now-"
"A dance? You want an 'I was wrong, You were right dance'? You can't be serious, Angel."
"I am serious, you wily serpent. Now do the little dance or I'll never forgive you," Aziraphale said in mock frustration, puffing out his chest.
Crowley saw before him a choice, between what his lot were bound to and Aziraphale. And without a second thought, he chose Aziraphale. He would choose Aziraphale every time, he just didn't know it yet. And so, despite all the humiliation he knew this would cause him if the bosses down under ever found out, Crowley did the little dance.
Aziraphale watched, eyebrows raised in shock. He hadn't thought Crowley would do it. Certainly not for him. But as Crowley bowed, enunciating his t's with a flourish, he couldn't help but smile.
"Very nice."
"Are we good, now?"
Aziraphale beamed, "quite right, dearest. We are quite right."
Crowley let out a breath, adjusting his glasses as though they would hide that dance from history's books. "Well then, let's get a move on."
The pair followed the parade into the banquet hall, and continued with the affair. Aziraphale literally wiggled in his seat when the food was placed before him, so excited he couldn't sit still. Crowley drank the wine, actually quite good for English wine.
Then the dancing started. King Richard - now Richard II - climbed on top of the table and proclaimed everyone to dance. And so, the nobles in their fancy gowns, drunk and laughing to no end, jumped from their seats to join in the dance. Aziraphale sat still for a moment, not knowing what he should do. Angels don't dance, not really. But this Angel longed to dance.
Crowley saw the way his fingers tapped along the table to the beat. He groaned, getting up from his seat.
"S'alright Angel, up up."
"Pardon -"
"You heard what I said. Come on Angel, let's dance."
Aziraphale giggled and got up, following Crowley into the chaos of swirling dresses and flirtatious looks between anyone and everyone. Almost immediately they were separated, swung by different partners.
Crowley danced with an older woman who squeezed his buttocks when she thought he wasn't looking. He wasn't fond of dancing, not the way Aziraphale was, but he enjoyed the freedom of it all. There were no rules, not really. Yes some people liked the structured ones where you pose and turn on every 3rd beat or what not. But in dancing there was an air of just living - being truly alive. That's what it was all about, it's all anyone yearned to feel.
In the next turn to switch partners, time seemed to slow for Crowley. He saw her, flitting between the people to slide her arm into Crowley's and continue the dance. She was pretty in an unconventional way. A way society might not call beautiful, but made Crowley stop and stare. He was pulled towards her, as though he couldn't control it. She was the center of his focus and he wanted nothing more than to meet her. Then, she turned that pretty gaze on him. Her lips quirked into a smile, hands warm and soft as they held his tightly. Her skin was flushed from the dance, and her dress swung around her in bright, dashing colors. The last dance had ended and all the people were gasping for air yet still ready to dive into the next.
"Hello," she said softly, though somehow he heard her voice over the crowd.
"Hello," Crowley answered back, not sure what to do. He'd never been in this position before.
"A dance?" She asked, taking a deep bow before holding her hand out. Palm up. She wore one, golden signet ring.
"I'd love to," Crowley answered honestly, taking her hand and pulling her into him.
She giggled happily, throwing an arm around his neck as he led the pair towards the center of the dance floor. He started to laugh along with her. Their dancing wasn't particularly good, both of them knew that, but they were having fun. She would twirl away only to twirl back into him awkwardly, laughing so hard she snorted which only caused a barking laughter from Crowley. They continued forward, holding each other close until the final pull drew them chest to chest. She was shorter than he, and she glanced up through dark lashes.
"Hi," she murmured, her breath hitting Crowley's face. She smelled of wine and temptation. He looked into her eyes and there it was - that one moment in history he thought was a fluke.
It had been 1,432 years, not like he was counting, but he didn't forget the way the golden band seemed to fleet over her eyes back in 55BC. And now, he saw that same golden shine slide over the same pair of eyes. It was just a second and yet it made Crowley's mouth drop. She saw it too, but for different reasons. He watched as she looked at his lips, he could tell what she was thinking.
She went to lean in, breasts pressed against his chest and breath hot, but was ripped away by the next dance. She giggled wildly as she was pulled into a circle, but found herself glancing over her shoulder to stare at the handsome stranger she almost kissed.
As Crowley stood in the middle of the floor, mystified, Aziraphale went over to his table to get a drink. All this dancing was positively amazing, but it certainly drained one of their energy.
As he brought the cup to his lips, a body crashed into his, sending the crimson liquid all over his clothes.
"Oh, bugger," he said, setting the cup down to assess the damage.
"I am so sorry, sir!" A girl said, breathless as she ran over. "That was entirely my fault. Please, let me help you clean it. I'm sure there's a tub not far."
Aziraphale smiled politely and went to decline the kind offer, but when he looked into her eyes he found himself agreeing to go with her. She lit up with excitement, grabbing his hand and pulling him away. There was something about her, something he couldn't explain. But he was in awe of her movements and eager to learn more about her.
She turned into an empty hall near a bathroom. She had him wait here while she collected a basin of water and grease.
"I can't promise it will fully work," she said as she set it down, "but I'll do my best. I really am so sorry, sir. I would have never ruined your clothes intentionally."
"It's quite alright. They weren't my favorite anyway," he said as he removed the outer layer. His multiple layers undergarments were fine, and could suffer slight staining. It was the outer garment that changed the most.
She shook her head as she dunked it in the basin, "you can't mean that, sir."
"I find that I quite do," he said, watching her with a quite awe.
"What's your name, sir? I feel I've seen you before," she said, suddenly watching him with the same astute attention. She kept narrowing her eyes as though she'd remember.
Maybe it was the stain, the wine, the party, the demon nearby, or maybe it was just this woman that did it to him but without realizing, he answered honestly, "Aziraphale."
Her eyes lit up, "like the Angel?"
"Precisely, my dear."
"That's a beautiful name. Aziraphale, Aziraphale... can you believe it?" She mumbled the last bit to herself, rubbing liberal amounts of grease into the fabric.
"Do you have a connection to the name? Or the Angel, perhaps?" Aziraphale asked curiously, wanting to hear more about her.
"I do, strangely enough. It's a silly connection..." she said, absentmindedly turning the signet ring over and over on her hand.
"I rather find that when it comes to angels and demons, nothing is silly." Aziraphale chose to neglect some of the more strange decisions the staff had made.
"I, well, oh goodness it sounds all made up. Well, I was in the shops the other day. My friend makes jewelry and he's very good. I came by and he said a man dropped off this gold signet ring with the name Aziraphale burned into it. Said he didn't know what to do with it, not many people knows the Angel, and he gave it to me." She took the ring off her finger, staring at it with an admiration before holding it out to him. "It's your name. You should have it."
"Oh I couldn't possibly take from you, dear."
She shook her head, "no it's not taking. It's a gift. It's fate, that I should have a ring for an Aziraphale just before meeting one of my very own."
"Oh dear, I couldn't -"
She interrupted him by pressing a soft kiss to the ring, taking his hand and sliding it onto his pinky finger. When she looked up, still holding his hand, Aziraphale's jaw dropped. That golden shine. Where had he seen that before? It was brief, flashing over a pair of kind eyes, but it was there all the same.
"Please accept this, Aziraphale."
"I - I will. Thank you, my dear."
Neither Crowley nor Aziraphale saw her after that night. They didn't know her name, her status, or even really remember her outfit. If Cinderella was around, she would have been the prime candidate for it. Neither told each other about their experience with a strange woman until 150 years later as they talked about Henry VIII's decision to have Anne Boleyn beheaded. Nasty business that was.
1601—————
"He's really quite good," Aziraphale said, watching fondly as the actor of Hamlet lamented about life and death. It really was moving the way he toyed between truly living a life, or if death was not truly what life was about.
Aziraphale found himself doing that 'excited sigh' that Crowley described. He found it an odd way of saying his behaviors, but Crowley insisted that when Aziraphale was excited it wasn't a 'satisfied sigh' but an 'excited sigh.' To be fair, he'd said this after 2 whole bottles of wine and a shot of pure vodka, so Aziraphale couldn't grant its true authenticity. A drunk demon would truly say anything just to illicit a reaction.
The speech made him wonder what it was like to be a human, with no certainty about what happens with their souls. They don't have a guarantee about life, or death, and yet are expected to do as they are told with no questions. Crowley knew what it was like to ask questions, and it lead to scars even Aziraphale didn't know about.
"Ngk, s'pose so." Crowley grumbled, watching as the man stamped his foot on the stage. "Bit dramatic, no?"
"It'd a tragedy!" Aziraphale countered, furrowing his brows in surprise.
"Eh, I still prefer the funny ones."
Aziraphale shook his head, turning to watch the man on the stage. A flash of purple fabric caught his eye, and his gaze traveled to see a young woman peaking out from behind the railing. She was trying to stay hidden, but Aziraphale could see that she just couldn't resist the temptation to watch the rehearsal. Her eyes were bright and wide, soaking in the sight. Her clothes were dirty and well worn, a few sizes too big and the hem covered in a layer of mud. But despite it all, she looked entirely unique.
She was pretty, and Aziraphale didn't often feel as though many humans were pretty. He appreciated the art of humanity, and believed each human was their own work of art. But he didn't feel a pull to any of them, but her... she had an attraction to her. He could see her lean too far over the edge, as though the stage were dragging her in. It wasn't just a love and an admiration, it was an addiction. Aziraphale could see what was going to happen moments before it did, but it was too late. The girl tumbled over the edge and fell onto the floor of the Globe, catching the attention of everybody in the rehearsal space.
Her cheeks immediately blotted pink, covering her face in a rosy hue as the stage manager came to her with a snarl, "oi, who're you?"
"I-I-"
"You's not supposed to be 'ere," he said, grabbing her roughly by the arm and dragging her to her feet. She stumbled along as he pulled her to the entrance. "Out with you."
"Mary? Whatcha doin here?" Crowley called out, sauntering over to the man and the girl. The man stopped, looking at Crowley with a skeptical gaze. The girl's eyes widened, bright and eager, as she realized what Crowley was doing and she nodded vigorously.
"Yes, sir, I came to fetch you! Mistress Paulson requested you." She said quickly, trying to stand on her own despite the stage manager's tight grasp.
The man cocked an eyebrow, "oh yeah? You know's him?"
"Know me? Know me?" Crowley sauntered over with a cackle, "me's and Mary goes way back."
She nodded, ripping her arm from the man's grasp then standing politely. "Oh yes, Mr..."
"Oh don't bother with all the Mr Crowley Miss whatever business, just call me Anthony like any other bloke."
"Anthony has helped my sister much. He's an excellent doctor," she said, standing firm. Aziraphale watched her in awe, he was impressed. She picked up that Crowley was saving her quickly, easing into the lie with an expert comfort. She seemed familiar, as though they'd met her before. And most importantly, she was intelligent.
"Doctor? You didn't mention that about your friend," the man said to Aziraphale, his enunciation so poor he practically spat the words at Aziraphale's feet.
Aziraphale flashed a charming smile, "I hadn't realized that those particular skills would, uh, come up in a theatre of this, err,... caliber."
"I haven't the pleasure of meeting you, sir." The girl piped up, her smile was warm and gentle. But he could see in her eyes a tension, wanting to convince this man to not throw her out or worse - press charges. "My's names Mary Edwins. Friend of Mr Crowley."
Mary Edwins, clearly a fake name. Just basic enough to be believable, but enough slight hesitation that Aziraphale knew she was lying. She gave a little curtesy, spreading the oversized purple skirt over the floor. It really was too large, but she still looked charming. Aziraphale felt as though he'd seen that curtesy before. There it was, fast you could have blamed the lighting, Aziraphale knew better. There that same golden shine came over her eyes, if just for a moment. His mouth fell open in a little 'o,' unable to speak for a while 10 seconds before stuttering out, "oh, h-hello Miss Edwins, I'm Mr Fell."
The stage manager thought on it for a moment, before deciding that he wasn't paid enough to care. It was hours away from opening night, after all, and the little boy playing Ophelia needed alterations in his costume.
"Alright then," he said, walking back towards the director, a Mr William Shakespeare.
The girl was still a few feet away as Crowley walked dramatically back towards Aziraphale. The Angel tried to ignore it. He hadn't mentioned that part of it with Crowley, and he didn't know how to continue. Crowley mistook Aziraphale's expression as one of angelic smugness and rose a finger, "shut it, Angel."
"That was a good thing you did," he said with a little smile. He pushed it to the back of his mind, something to worry about when it was late and the city was asleep.
"Twasn't good, no. I was, real, I - I - I was bad. I let a criminal get away."
Aziraphale patted Crowley's shoulder, "no, dearest. You let a woman enjoy her passion. Look at her, you've saved her."
The pair glanced over at her as she tried, and failed, to subtly watch the actors get ready for their next scene. Her hand was on her heart, as though if she didn't put it there her heart would pop right out.
"Ehhh, that's not saving. Not really."
"Oh, it's not? Then what would you say is a human's purpose?" Aziraphale asked with a soft voice.
"I thought that's your job, Angel. Praising God and what not."
Aziraphale pursed his lips, looking away from Crowley. "You know as well as I that love of God is not all humans were made for. I am of the firm opinion they are here for their passions. They survive by it. They might be able to live with food and water alone, but no soul could truly exist without their drive. And this woman, her passion is theatre."
"Rather blasphemous words from an Angel."
"Rather kind actions from a demon."
Aziraphale smiled, looking towards the stage. Crowley tried to hide the blush on his ears and cheeks. It was always his ears that turned bright red from, from, well he didn't quite know from what. But he felt the heat and looked away. He looked at the girl, who perked your once she realized he saw her. She went over shyly.
Despite her apprehension, she raised her voice enough to say, "thank you for your help, Mr Crowley and Mr Fell."
"Mmm," was Crowley reply, gazing around the globe with a distinguished air about him. As if he was the most important person in the room. He tried to ignore her presence. She had a pull to her and he couldn't explain it, didn't want to address it. He already had the issue of a certain Angel who wouldn't leave his mind.
"Who are we to stop the love of the arts?" Aziraphale said, rather eccentrically. "Though you could have waited a few hours to see the whole show."
"I can't afford it," she said quietly, staring at her feet. Aziraphale noted her sweet little boots, their pointed ends digging into the dirt out of anxiety. "My mistress only gave me the morning. I need to be back in an hour."
Crowley and Aziraphale shot a glance with one another, not quite knowing how to respond. They stood in silence, the girl's eyes wide as she drank in Ophelia's mad lullabies.
"What's your name?"
"Mary Edwins."
Crowley smiled, "nice try, love. Your real name."
She cocked an eyebrow, glancing up at first at Crowley, then at Aziraphale, before looking back at her reflection in his sunglasses. "Why do you want to know?"
"We did help you, dear. We'd just love to know you, but if you cannot tell us, we won't rush you."
"Are you two a couple?" She asked quickly, pointing at the two and waving her hands in some strange, gesture of coupling. Her choice of question was so drastic, they didn't bother to notice the intentional diversion in topics.
Aziraphale looked up, mouth dropping in a little 'o' and he looked at Crowley. Crowley lifted a brow. Aziraphale answered, "We've known each other for a long time."
"That doesn't answer my question, Mr Fell."
"Aren't you a sly one, Miss Edwins." Crowley sneered, his top lip recoiling.
She just smiled, shrugging her shoulders with a little giggle. "Suppose so, Mr Crowley."
The golden shine. Crowley sucked in a harsh breath as she turned to look back at the stage. He could practically hear all his thoughts as they raced through his head, and he was unable to settle on just one. Those eyes. He hadn't seen them in years and yet this was the third woman who just happened to flirt with him, and had a gold shine go across her eyes. He reckoned she didn't know it happened, she probably didn't know what those little eyes could do to an immortal creature. Crowley swallowed, praying she never had to.
Then, the show continued and 'Mary's' eyes seemed transfixed. Aziraphale loved the theatre, Crowley enjoyed it, but 'Mary' adored it.
Crowley watched her eagerly, partly out of curiosity and partly because he liked feeling her passion in his soul as though it was her own. He found himself attracted to it, a drag of one's purpose. The passion filled her up, and she seemed to want to lean into it. She gasped as Hamlet killed his mother, she listened with eager ears as he instructed the actors on how they were to act, she cried as it seemed that everyone fell to the floor in a miserable death. Then, it was over. Actors stumbled to their feet, laughing as though they weren't stabbed with poisoned rapiers. The story was over, but 'Mary' seemed to be in a daze. Crowley watched with shrewd, yet eager eyes as she came out of it.
Then she straightened her back, smiling tightly to both of them. "Mr Fell, Mr Crowley, thank you for letting me stay. It has been such a gift. I'm afraid I must go."
"Let us escort you home," Aziraphale said, without realizing what he was offering.
She blinked wide eyes, "there's no need, sir. It's two blocks away."
Crowley lifted his chin, "love, we'd like to see you off safe."
"If you insist. Though I must tell you it's entirely through the city. Eyes will be on you at all times," she said it as a threat, a reminder to not do anything unsavory. Crowley almost frowned at that little bit of false hope. If they actually had bad intentions, a crowd wouldn't stop anything. She wasn't truly safe. But both Crowley and Aziraphale nodded, as though they truly headed her warning.
"Was that your first Shakespeare production?" Aziraphale asked, making polite conversation as he walked on one side of her, Crowley on the other.
"Oh, no. I do my best to attend all of them. I tend to prefer the funny ones, but the crowds can be a bit much for me."
"Eh? What'd you mean by that?" Crowley asked.
She blushed, "I don't like when crowds get very loud. They tend to jeer and toss things at the actors. It doesn't feel safe for anyone. I do enjoy his dramas though."
They walked in companionable silence for a moment before she asked the next question, "what do you two do? If I may, you're dressed rather odd."
"Odd?" Crowley asked with a frown, gazing down at his outfit. He was quite proud of this outfit. The ruff was amazing, really helped one feel confident.
'Mary' giggled. "I don't dislike your outfits, you just don't see these colors often."
Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a glance, shifting in their outfits. Perhaps they do cling to their colors a bit much. But Aziraphale never felt it was a problem, he was proud of his wardrobe.
"I make my own clothes," Aziraphale said with a smile.
'Mary' lightened up, her eyes taking on a bright, sparkling quality before she actually smiled, a little tell that Aziraphale noticed. He'd seen that before, but couldn't place it. "That is quite wonderful, Mr Fell. I'd love to make my own, however I mostly sew for my mistress."
"You make her clothes?"
"Oh no, I tend to mend them."
The conversation lulled again, and Crowley bit his lip as he thought before asking the question that has been on his tongue since the play ended, "why do you love theatre so much?"
Her chest flared, her eyes wide and sparkling, and she could barely contain the words before they poured from her in excited spurts, "what's not to love? It's stories about being human wrapped up in fancy costumes and dramatic voices. It's full of stories that seem so outrageous yet we still find our way to connect. Isn't it just fascinating that you could watch a show about a man, driven mad by jealousy caused by a deceiving friend, murdering his wife and leave full of emotions? You'd think you'd be mad at the murderer, condemning him for killing his love. And yet, there's more to it than that. You can't quite hate Othello, but you can't love him either. It's so hard to explain what it is to be human, there's no word or sentence to explain it. It can be so isolating. But these stories can give us insight. I, sorry, I'm rambling," she said, taking a wistful sigh.
"Stories can be found anywhere, dear. Books, especially," Aziraphale noted. He enjoyed hearing her speak with such fire. In the back of his mind, he felt as though he could recall someone else talking about their love of stories, but he couldn't place it.
She nodded, smiling. "Yes, of course. And I adore books too. It's just... theatre is such a temporary art. Those moments on stage, or watching, could never be recreated, it could never be exactly as it was. And that's what made it so beautifully tragic. You are stuck with a slightly different story each night, with different takeaways."
"What a beautiful takeaway," Aziraphale said, watching her with a slight sort of awe.
She blushed, "I'm hardly unique in that way."
"Ngk," Crowley mumbled in disagreement, though he didn't actually say a word. Yet, she seemed to still understand what he was trying to say and blushed all the same.
As they walked, Crowley took off his sunglasses for a moment to wipe his eyes. He seemed to forget that his were unusual, yellow and with a snake like slit as a pupil.
"Are you alright?" She asked.
"M'yeah," Crowley answered, opening his eyes to look at her. After the initial realization he was seeing her without glasses, thus revealing the snake like eyes, he went to shove the sunglasses back on. But she wasn't looking unkindly at him.
Instead, she smiled widely, "they're beautiful."
"Wot?" He said in shock.
"Your eyes are beautiful, Mr Crowley." Then, as Crowley sputtered in surprise, she stopped in front of an expensive flat. "This is me mistress's. Thank you, Mr Crowley and Mr Fell."
She looked both of them in the eyes as she said their names, and with equal kindness and appreciation. Then, she turned away and scampered around towards the servants entrance. Aziraphale waited until she was inside to blow out a breath.
"She was something," Crowley said.
"Yes, she was."
"I- angel, I could be wrong on this but didn't she feel-"
"Familiar?" Aziraphale finished for Crowley, looking down the alley as though she would magically reappear.
"Yes! It's so bloody weird," Crowley said, rubbing his hand along his jaw.
"Yes, weird," Aziraphale said, enunciating weird in an odd way that made Crowley furrow his brows. The two beings tried to shrug off this encounter, heading their separate ways for the time being.
1865—————
Aziraphale stared at Crowley as though he'd never seen him before, utterly gobsmacked. "I will not provide you that, that thing! It's suicide."
"Aw not for that Angel," Crowley groaned, waving his hand nonchalantly as though he hadn't asked for the one thing that would completely kill him. "Just for, err you know, protection."
"You are a demon, Crowley. The world would need protection from you."
Crowley tried to not let that sting. He'd never said as much to Aziraphale, but these last 200 years have really brought some perspective over what it is to be a demon. He found a weird sense of discomfort over the word demon. As though he were entirely bad because of what he was, and not what he does. But he'd never say it, or tell Aziraphale he accidentally rhymed.
"It's not like that, I just want to secure myself. That's all."
Aziraphale pursed his lips and looked away, not bearing the thought that his closest acquaintance would dare to think of something like that. It was simply not going to happen, Aziraphale refused to let that happen. Crowley was going to live forever, with Aziraphale, and he was going to do so happily. He'd never tell Crowley, of course, but Aziraphale didn't know if he could manage eternity without him.
"Oi! That can't have that!" Crowley said quickly, throwing himself off the bench and facing towards a woman standing by the river.
She turned to look at the, in her view, random man dressed in mourning garb barreling towards her and shouting in a thick accent. She clutched the loaf of bread close to her chest, eyeing him warily as he continued rambling.
"Bread's not good for 'em, it can - can - can cause diseases," he said once he got close to her.
She sucked in a breath. He was taller than he'd looked from afar, and she found herself staring at him. He was also quite handsome, with tanned skin and shocking bright red hair, curled away from his face. She noticed a pair of odd looking spectacles hiding his eyes, and a tattoo peaking out beneath his sideburns.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know," she said breathlessly. She felt kind of stupid now, holding a loaf of bread as he stared at her with a passion for the ducks. A man dressed in all beige apparel came by quickly, standing by the other man's side. He looked kind, with bright blue eyes and plush pink lips she didn't even realize she'd taken note of.
"I'm terribly sorry for my friend's outburst," Aziraphale said to the woman, still looking shellshocked. "Though I'm afraid he is right, bread is not the best for them."
She looked down and stared at it. "Right, well I apologize. I hadn't been doing it long, if it's of any comfort."
Crowley grumbled but didn't say anything else, eyeing her with skepticism. After a pause where the three stood in silence, the woman tore the loaf into three sections. She then offered up a piece to each of the men, "better we eat it than them?"
Crowley and Aziraphale exchanged a glance, they hadn't expected this. Maybe it was the mood of St James's Park or the pull of this young girl, but they reached out to accept their proffered piece.
Just then a golden shine passed over her eyes. Both men's jaws dropped as they'd never shared of this particular detail of their stories, and had never experienced it together. And, for the first time, she seemed conscious of it too.
A hand went up to her cheeks just below her eyes, which had grown wide in surprise. "What was that?"
"Pardon?" Aziraphale asked in that slightly tense voice he had when he was covering up for something.
"The, my, my eyes. I was looking and then it went all - gold like."
"Oh I don't know about that," Aziraphale said.
She shook her head vehemently, pointing at the both of them. "Yours did too, and yours!"
"You saw our eyes shine gold?" Crowley asked shyly.
"Y-yes. I saw through your spectacles. The whole eye, it went gold -"
"It must have been a trick of the light, dearest. Eyes don't 'go gold.'"
She shook her head again, "no. I know what I saw. I, I think I'd better go. Thank you for the, the, the ducks."
"Wait-" "Don't go-" Aziraphale and Crowley started at the same time, but she'd already lifted her skirts so she could walk away as quickly as possible.
"She saw it this time," Crowley said, mouth open in surprise.
"This time? This time? You've had a girls eyes shine gold before?" Aziraphale asked, trying to ignore the way his heart ramped up at the news. Crowley felt it too, it wasn't all him.
"And by the sound of it, you have too."
"Yes, I have. But only thrice before, 55BC, 13-"
"-77 and 1601."
Aziraphale's blue eyes widened and he stared at Crowley in shock, "I- I, how did you know?"
"Same for me, Angel. Same for me."
"So she's connected then, to the both of us." Aziraphale said slowly, trying to work it all out in his head. Crowley nodded, pursing his lips and making a 'tsk' noise under his breath.
"She's looked different each time. I don't think she's an Angel or a demon," Crowley said, ripping off a small piece of the bread she gave him and tossing it into the water. No, it wasn't good for them but who cares at this point. They were eternally connected to something.
"No, I think you're quite right. She's something else entirely. I'll have to do some research, I'll let you know if I have anything of note."
Crowley swallows, "same 'ere."
"Okay. Well then, good afternoon to you," Aziraphale tipped his hat and wandered off back to his book shop, his head completely filled with ideas of shapeshifters and witches, all sorts of creatures.
Current Day—————
Crowley parked the Bentley outside Aziraphale's shop, the wheel a slight tap before getting out. It was cold today, and he saw dozens of people shuffling into Nina's shop for some warmth. He himself was freezing but he knew even slightly suggesting to Aziraphale would earn him some pampering, blanket tucked in, hot chocolate, and near undivided angelic attention. Normally he didn't like asking for it, but it's been a weird few years with the Armageddon't, and he could use some pampering.
He felt a pang in his chest, a strange sort of pull he didn't know what to do with. What did humans do when their hearts hurt? Then it struck him - he wasn't human. Why would his heart be hurting?
"Oi, you doing okay?" A voice said from the pavement outside Aziraphale's shop. Crowley looked up, surprised to see Nina with a bag full of ingredients.
"What're you doing out
She held up the bag with a raised brow, as though he was stupid to just suggest it, "you're alright then?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. But you haven't got other staff and the place's full."
"Oh, yeah, forgot you didn't know about that." Nina said dryly. "I hired a new barista. Name's Y/N. New to town."
There it was, that pull dragging him towards her shop. He couldn't explain, tried to rack his brain as to what would want him in there. He glanced back through the windows, trying to see if anything was amiss.
Each instance with her seemed to last for a second, barely enough to know if it was the truth or a trick of the light. But Crowley had lived long enough on enough stupid planets to know that when he saw something that wasn't typically there, it wasn't a figment of his imagination. He swallowed, trying to betray anything to Nina.
"Right. Well then, better get back to it," he said, moving past her shoving his way into Aziraphale's bookshop.
"Oh Crowley, wonderful you're here-"
"Yes, yes, I'm wonderful, you're wonderful, the world's bloody wonderful. Angel, do you remember in 1865 when we saw her in St James's Park?"
There wasn't a need to clarify who the 'her' was. Aziraphale straightened, removing his spectacles from his nose. "Yes, I do."
"And you remember when you said you'd research it and report back, but never did?"
"Yes, I do. Crowley-"
"I need that research now, Angel." Crowley said quickly, not letting Aziraphale ask more pointless questions.
"Nothing came of it, dear, that's why I'd never told you. We would have sensed if she was a witch, angel, demon, or anything other supernatural. We have those senses."
"Are you absolutely sure?"
"Crowley, what happened? What did you see?"
"She's here."
Aziraphale's eyebrows shot up and he placed a surprise hand on his chest, not quite knowing what to do with that information. "Here?!"
"In London. In the coffee shop, in Nina's coffee shop. I - I saw her. There was a golden thread between us. I know it's her, Angel. She looks different but she has every time. It's her."
"You saw a golden thread?"
"Yes."
Aziraphale put his spectacles back on, heading for one of his bookshelves towards the back of the shop, "are you absolutely sure?"
"Yes, Angel, I'm bloody positive."
"A Golden thread has never shown up before. The previous times were all the, err, the eyes. This means something." Aziraphale said, gathering the dusty book from his shelf and depositing it on his desk with a thud. "In Greek mythology the golden thread was your life line. Your life thread so to speak. Fate, destiny, the whole nine yards."
"Yes, Angel, but the Greeks were wrong and that's how we exist so what does it mean for us?" Crowley grabbed a chair and fell into it, placing a frustrated hand on his temple.
Aziraphale thumbed through pages until he found what he was looking for. He read the words, but it only helped to scrunch his brow. "This doesn't make any sense. The threads only have two colors, two avenues."
"What do the threads mean, Angel?" His tone pained in frustration. This girl was scaring him, and he couldn't explain why. As far as he knew she presented no threat to him. And yet all the same, he feared her. He wasn't a fan of the unknown. Everything had been so planned out for so long, even though he didn't like the idea of the world ending it was a plan nonetheless.
"It says here that white thread is for eternal blessings. Saints and what not. Black thread for eternal damnation. But it only exists on a human while they are alive."
"Wot? I don't see black threads on people, d'you see white threads?"
Aziraphale adjusted his spectacles, "it says here they only appear if an Angel, or in your case, dearest, a demon, specifically bless them. Or, err, curse them."
"Still, you'd think 6,000 years and I woulda seen something."
Aziraphale nodded in agreement, "I've not seen any either."
"Wait, how'd you know about all this then?" Crowley waved a hand vaguely in between Aziraphale and the book.
Aziraphale looked confused for a moment, "all this? Oh, ah, you mean how I've come to know about the threads? Well it is to my understanding that this was brought up by Michael -"
"Head honcho Michael?" Crowley asked.
"Yes, though I wouldn't use such human terms myself. Michael had thought it up around 100BC. Thought it would be a fun way of identifying humans. But the upstairs didn't fancy the idea, She dispelled it not too long after."
"Hmm... never woulda pictured that out of Michael."
"Well, they say you never really know someone." Aziraphale replied, looking back over the pages as Crowley began to ramble.
"Always thought that applied to killers. No one ever says that 'bout the good deeds, they only say it after you've hurt someone. If someone's killed a kid, everyone's all up in arms like 'you never really knew 'em.' But if someone's a paramedic no one's like 'you never really know-'"
Aziraphale felt his jaw drop open as the words at the bottom of the page finally clicked. Part of the reason Michael's plan never worked, at least according to Gabriel, was that the wording was too specific. "No one uses 'eternally' in their everyday vocabulary," he had argued. Back then Aziraphale had quite agreed with Gabriel, but everyone agreed with Gabriel if it meant shutting Michael up. But he remembered a time not long before the thread idea was vanished when he had used the word 'eternally' in conversation. He reread to be sure, then piped up over Crowley's random complaining, "C-Crowley... do you remember what you said to her in 55BC?"
Crowley's face scrunched as he tried to think all the way back. "I, uh, tripped her. On accident, then she called me an asshole and I-I damned her for eternity I think."
"Oh dear."
"What does this 'oh dear' me? Angel?" When Aziraphale didn't say anything Crowley got up, stalking over to him quickly. "What did you see?"
"I blessed her for eternity."
"So? What's that mean?"
"I-I think, and I could be very very wrong, however I think that means we've, err, we've trapped her soul in an endless strain between Heaven and Hell."
"No, no, no, no," Crowley started to say, unconsciously pacing as he tried to unravel it all in his head. "That doesn't make any sense. Her thread is gold, white and black don't make gold. It makes grey, she should be grey!"
"I think the color of her thread is far from our biggest issue, Crowley."
"So, so what? She's trapped to us?"
Aziraphale ran a hand down his face, trying to process. "I- she might be."
"But her body's changed each time. It's not the same woman."
"Ah, but her eyes. They've stayed the same. You know as well as I do they're the same."
Crowley stopped, knowing he didn't have grounds to argue. Aziraphale was right, after all. Then he groaned, rubbing his eyes. "Fucking hell-"
"Language," Aziraphale said with pursed lips.
"Wot? For the fucking or the hell part?" Crowley snapped, then upon seeing Aziraphale's dropped expression he immediately retracted. "I'm sorry. That was rude. You're not getting the stupid dance though. Angel, she's not immortal. Her soul is. She must just keep being, being reborn. But the soul from 55BC is still the same."
"That would make sense," Aziraphale said. "They do say the eyes are the window into the soul. Perhaps that explains why they remain while the rest of her can change."
"Yeah, yeah. It makes sense, don't it?"
"So we've accidentally trapped a human soul to Earth to live and die for eternity?"
"Yeah, yeah," Crowley sniffed. "Think we did, Angel."
There was a quiet pause as the two reflected on what they just realized. They, unwittingly, had created an immortal creature. She doesn't even know she's immortal, and by the past experience it sounds as if her mind is wiped with each death. But her soul lives on.
"Fuck," Aziraphale said quietly.
Crowley looked up sharply, "wot'd you say?"
"I said fuck." He repeated, with more confidence this time around.
On any normal circumstance, Crowley would laugh and cherish the moment he saw Aziraphale curse - and with fuck of all of them - but he couldn't help but think Aziraphale was right. Fuck, indeed.
"What do we do?" Crowley asked.
"We have to tell her."
"We do? Why's that? What d'ya think we're gonna say? Hi random stranger I'm a demon he's an Angel and your soul is stuck, here have a cuppa."
"Well that would be straightforward -"
"Sarcasm, Angel. You've been here for thousands of years and you still don't process sarcasm."
Aziraphale stood up and went over to Crowley, touching his shoulders so he'd look up to him. "I understand that this is difficult. This is, it's entirely unprecedented territory. But she deserves the truth." He leaned in, his voice but a whisper. "It does help that we both feel a pull to her. Once we see her, it hurts to no interact. Perhaps we can find a way to end this, to help her."
Crowley swallowed, looking away from Aziraphale's bright blue eyes. He smelled of vanilla and old books, a scent Crowley would bottle up and spray all over his stupid, cold flat if he could. Maybe this girl could help, maybe she was good. But they first needed to meet her.
"Alright. Fine. Let's go, now," Crowley said, sliding his sunglasses back on. Aziraphale nodded and retrieved his coat.
The pair walked out of the bookshop, locking up, and swiftly walked cross the street. They hesitated outside the door, neither knowing what to do. A flash of a blue apron in the window caught their attention, and then a golden thread, shining in the light, emerged and wrapped round the owners waist.
"You seeing that, Angel?"
"Y-yes, I am. It's not faded."
It didn't. It sparkled and swayed in the air, moving with the owners body as she walked around in the shop.
"On three," Aziraphale said. Crowley grumbled in agreement. "One, two ... three."
They opened the doors and were almost immediately greeted by a sweet smile and kind eyes. The same eyes they'd seen for hundreds of years. She smiled, tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.
"Hi guys, welcome in! Feel free to take a seat wherever you like, I'll be with you in a moment."
"O-okay," Aziraphale said, his voice wispy in the confusion and whirlwind that was her. But she was entirely unaware, blissfully living in her own world that she didn't know was about to be ruined.
They sat in a far corner, away from any windows. Crowley sprawled in the seat, looking anywhere but at Aziraphale. Aziraphale sat stiff as a bored, left leg bouncing so furiously the table itself started to shake.
"Right, what can I get you lads?" She seemed to appear out of nowhere, shining golden thread wrapped round her sweet waist right where the apron was tied.
Aziraphale spoke first, not looking her in the eye but instead staring out the window. An uncharacteristically rude action on his part. "Oh, um, just a latte please. With 3 shots of vanilla."
"Ooo, yum. And for you, the one with the glasses?" She asked, her voice light.
Crowley thought for a moment. Better bite the bullet, eh? He turned, took his sunglasses off, and looked her in the eyes. "Espresso, darling."
Her eyes had a golden flash and she seemed to jump, her pad falling to the table in her shock. She looked between Aziraphale and Crowley with wide eyes, hands going to her stomach as she took deep breaths. "Aziraphale. Your name is Aziraphale," she said to him. Eyes wide. She turned to the demon. "You're Crowley."
"Yes, dear, we are."
"Why do I know that?" Her voice was shaky and yet she stayed, not angry or scared that she knew unknowable information.
Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a glance. Crowley sighed, flicking his hand. Time around them stopped. Customers held their mugs up in the air, Nina mid pouring a cup, and a man getting ready to ask for the most ridiculous drink he could think of. All were trapped in this moment except for her, Aziraphale and Crowley.
She jumped, looking around with wide eyes, "h-how'd you do that? Why did you do that?"
"Please, take a seat dear," Aziraphale said, snapping as a plush chair appeared behind her. She tripped into it, her body language stuff and frightened.
"This is all feeling like a very strange dream, and I don't like it," she said, taking deep breaths to try and clear her mind. "Did you just stop time and if so, how the hell did you? And you just miraculously created a chair? And why do I know who the hell you are?"
"Dearest, it's not a dream, I'm afraid. You have met us before. You've met us multiple times before," Aziraphale took a breath. "I-I'm afraid we have some complicated news."
"Tell me who the hell you are!" She was getting scared, her heart fighting against her rib cage. She wanted to get up, she wanted to run away, put her hands over her ears and scream 'la la la' over and over until they left her alone. But she didn't. It wasn't a physical thing, even though these familiar strangers had put her in a terrifying position she knew they'd let her go. It was her soul that kept her trapped. "Who are you? I need to know. Who are you really?"
Aziraphale placed a warm hand on her own. His was large, soft and yet strong. She liked the feeling of his hands as he held one of hers, looking into her eyes. "My name is Aziraphale. I am an Angel of God. I was the Guardian of the East Gate at the Garden of Eden, but now I am on Earth. I perform miracles and I run a bookshop, with my dearest friend."
His eyes glanced over to the other man. He was handsome, tanned skin with fiery red hair slicked up and back over his head. Aziraphale might have called him a friend, but she wasn't stupid enough to believe that. It was more than that, maybe they didn't know it but she definitely did.
Another hand grasped hers, this one lean and long. He grasped her hand with a soft intensity she didn't know possible. "My name's Crowley. I'm a demon, you'd know me cause I was a, uh, let's call me a reptile."
She blinked rapidly, "you were the snake that tempted Eve?"
"Wow, she's a quick one," Crowley smiled widely.
"Wasn't he cursed to only use his belly?"
Crowley rolled his eyes, "it's complicated."
"You, both, are not human. You're an Angel and you're a demon. So Christianity is right."
"Yes, love. But God is actually a She, that bit got muddled," Aziraphale smiled. "Are you feeling better?"
"That doesn't explain, why- why do I know you? I recognize both of you, but I don't know why. Then you made that comment about having met me multiple times, for years, what does that mean?" She was getting a little riled but she tried to stay calm. This wasn't going to make any more sense by screaming at a literal demon. And Angel, but the demon was more infuriating at the moment. He stared at her with a mix of awe and shock, and she didn't want to think about any of it.
Aziraphale sighed, "before the current era, you know Roman times and what not, the Archangel Michael played with the idea of threads. It was similar in concept to the Greek idea of fate -"
"You happened to be alive when this was a thing. It means when a demon curses you and says the word 'eternally' a black thread'll appear to let everyone know you're damned forever. White thread with angels."
"I'm damned forever? Wait, you said Roman times - I was alive during the ancient roman era?"
"Well, darling, he blessed you and I cursed you at the same day. Meaning your soul is trapped with both Heaven and Hell," Crowley said softly. "We think your soul has been reincarnated since about 55BC. And it's because of us. This Golden shit you see is our connection."
"But white and black make grey?"
Crowley clapped and said "aha! She gets it!"
"Crowley," Aziraphale said, though his eyes were light with amusement. "We can't explain the color of the thread. But we believe it means you're connected to us. Both of us, we get this pull to you when you're around. As though we have to see you."
There was a moment of silence as they let her collect her thoughts. Unconsciously, she'd curled up into a ball on the comfy chair Aziraphale had miracled. She thought and thought, rolling over the idea that she's trapped here on earth. An accidental immortal being tied to these two.
She glanced at Aziraphale. She knew him, she has known him. She bit her lip, wishing to understand everything as it was.
"M-May I?" She asked, tentatively lifting a hand near his face. She needed to touch him, to feel him, to try and remember.
The Angel nodded. He was soft, his hair light and white, in short curls on top of his head. She liked the curls, they looked rather fetching on him. Her fingertips brushed lightly down his face, feeling his kind face. She liked his lips, they were pink and couldn't fight a smile. Then she glanced down and saw his hand in his lap. Running an hand down his shoulder to his hand, she lifted it and eyed the golden ring.
"Aziraphale..." she murmured. It all started to fall into place. The dancing, the food, the wine. He'd looked so out of place in pale clothing, so obviously finer than anyone else's. He'd tried to blend in with an outdated style, to balance the richness, but she could spot him through the crowd with ease. His cheeks had gotten pink, and he'd gone for a drink. She hadn't meant to spill on him, she just wanted a chat. "I gave you this ring. You didn't want it at first, but I gave it to you. It says Aziraphale on it."
He took a shaky breath, his eyes becoming glassy with tears. His lips trembled as he said, "you did."
Aziraphale slid the ring off his finger, turning it so she could see the inside. There enough his name was scrawled in haphazard writing. It had faded from the years, some of the details lost to time. But she remembered this ring when it was new. When William had gotten it in his shop and didn't know what to make of it. And she'd taken it, knew it would be special.
She pressed a soft kiss to the ring, then slid it back on Aziraphale's finger. She looked him in the eyes as she kissed the back of his hand, "I remember you."
The tears had actually fallen now, hitting his cheeks softly. He didn't try to hide it, and she wouldn't want him to. Perhaps it was this whole eternal blessing thing, but she was drawn to him.
Then she turned to the demon. Crowley. He sat high and mighty in his chair, looking away as though he were intruding on Aziraphale's private moment. He was handsome in a different way than Aziraphale. Where Aziraphale was soft and strong, Crowley was sharp and sweet. She smiled when she looked at him, knowing he was sweet without saying it.
She went to him to, lifting her hand then asking softly, "may I touch you?"
He swallowed, and nodded. She first touched his hair, it was softer then it looked. Her fingertips brushed it so it feel on his forehead, liking the contrast of his skin against the red. Then she traced along his tattoo, the way his cheekbone felt under her touch.
With gentle hands, she cupped his cheeks and turned his face so he had to look her in the eyes. She smiled. "I'd wondered if they were still yellow."
He closed his eyes, cringing. He'd always hated his eyes. "Sorry they're-"
"Beautiful." He opened his eyes quickly. "I remember your eyes. They've been in my dreams and I never knew why. The man with the yellow snake eyes. They are so, so beautiful. Like a sunflower."
"You're comparing s'demon eyes to a sunflower?"
She smiled and nodded, "you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."
Crowley sucked in a breath, closing his eyes. It as though the attention itself would make him implode.
"Keep them closed," she said. Then he felt a pair of soft lips kiss one eyelid, then the other. "Absolutely beautiful. Don't you think so, Aziraphale?"
Crowley was shocked to hear Aziraphale agree. "I adore your eyes, dear. They've been my favorite for a long time."
The three didn't know what to do with themselves, time frozen around them. But however strange the situation, she wasn’t afraid. Not anymore. She wanted to get to know this Angel and demon, understand their pasts and more about their connection.
“Thank you, my dear, for your patience,” Aziraphale said kindly.
“I suppose I should be thanking you, you’ve waited hundreds of years.” She said with a dry laugh that made Crowley smile.
There weren’t any words that seemed to describe the moment the three of them shared, in a moment frozen in time knowing they had all the time in the world. But for now it was enough, and that was all it needed to be.
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froggibus · 4 months
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Colder Weather - Mammon, Leviathan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub and Belphegor
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Genre: fluff headcanons
Summary: how the boys act when it’s cold + snowing outside
CW: cold weather, snow, asmo forcing you to go outside (ew), lots of cuddling, pretty mid writing on my part
okok so no Lucifer or Satan for this one cause I just had no ideas :((( like I had a few but not nearly enough for complete hcs so sorry guys
also holy fuck it’s been a while since I wrote obey me hcs lmao so im a little rusty…sorry guys
also I promise I’ll shut up but it’s gonna be almost -50 celsius here this weekend (yay, Canada!) so I will be stuck inside if you guys have any obey me (or other fandoms) ideas!!
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Mammon:
Mammon and to snow DO NOT mix
biggest baby in the entire Devildom when it gets cold
he has this super tacky fur coat that he insists is real rabbit fur (it’s faux—the big softy couldn’t bear real fur)
refuses to leave the house, even if he has to work
worse than that: he refuses to let you leave the house, even if you have things to do
“hey, human. where d’ya think you’re going? it’s cold out there. you’ll get sick, or worse, dead!”
invites you to his room cause he has this ‘super awesome heater’ (read: himself)
you end up lounging on the couch with him and watching movies with excruciatingly long car chases
you start shivering despite the sweater you’re wearing, and Mammon not so begrudgingly beckons you over to come sit under the blanket with him
honestly he forgets how to breathe because you’re so close and you smell nice and you’re relying on him for warmth
at some point it gets colder and you start shivering again
goes to grab another blanket but you stop him, looking up at him with those pleading eyes
“don’t go, mams. i’ll freeze without you.”
pretends to be humble about it but inside he is screaming
not sure how it happens but you end up in his lap??
he has both arms around you, cocooning you between him and the blanket
you both fall asleep on the couch, snow storm long forgotten
Leviathan:
locks himself in his room to spend the whole day watching anime
also sorry but this man’s room is a whole terrarium
he’s got his heater, his fan, his air purifier, his humidifier
his place is always the perfect temperature and the perfect place to take refuge in a blizzard
he pretends like he’s annoyed when you come into his room, dressed in warm clothes and fuzzy socks, a blanket draped over your shoulders
but really he doesn’t mind—he actually has to hide his rosy cheeks with you because he’s so flustered at the idea that you chose him
orders an insane amount of comfort food to eat during your anime marathon
like heaps and heaps of food that the two of you couldn’t possibly finish
offers you to share his blanket with him, wrapping it around the two of you to keep warm while you munch on food
somehow it turns into you leaning your head on his shoulder, eyelids getting heavy in the warmth of his room
Levi can’t even be annoyed that you’re missing episodes of the anime—you look so cute like this
Asmo:
HATES the cold, LOVES the snow 
it’s a weird dynamic…
dresses you up in the cutest snowsuit ever, and forces you to sit outside in the cold for over an hour taking pictures 
“asmo we’re gonna catch a cold”
“demons don’t get sick from the cold, don’t be silly”
you’re not a demon????
when he’s finally done with the pictures don’t expect any attention from him after
he still has to edit, caption and post them to Devilgram 
you sit under his comforter in the corner of his bed, shivering miserably and shooting glares at him from the corner of your eyes 
Finally he puts down his DDD and looks at you, his eyes sparkling when he sees just how cute and cold you look 
uses the cold as an excuse to get as close to you as possible, cuddling you tightly 
he’s so tempted to take a selfie of the two of you in bed together but he doesn’t want to ruin the moment 
probably insists on your laying between his legs with your head on his chest for ‘maximum warmth’ 
really he just want to feel you
you end up falling asleep in his room, and who is he to wake you? 
Beel:
honestly indifferent to the cold
he’s just built differently 
he’s not the biggest fan of it, but he’s not as much of a baby as some of his older brothers 
still, he doesn’t quite like the idea of you going out in the cold (at least, not without proper protection)
offers to get anything you need, but if you insist on going out, he’ll come with you 
and of course he bundles you up first 
has you dressed in one of his sweaters with one of his old winter jackets over top
you look tiny in his big clothes 
when you get home after he’ll make you stand in front of the heater to warm up while he disappears into the kitchen 
of course he’s going into the kitchen 
but you’re pleasantly surprised when he comes back with two steaming bowls of chicken noodle soup
you guys eat and watch a movie in the living room, Beel asking you every five minutes if you’re cold 
you take another one of his sweaters just to get him to stop bothering you about it  
insists on feeding you every hour and piling snacks on the coffee table 
“don’t give me that look. you need food to stay warm, y/n.”
Belphie:
hates blizzards because they interrupt his sleep 
he can usually sleep through anything—from sunny days to volcanic eruptions
but the cold??? no way
his bed gets cold and even his thickest, softest blankets don’t help 
but…maybe a certain warm human could help his sleep 
ends up crawling into bed with you in the middle of the night, hardly making a sound 
you only wake when you feel the bitter cold on your body slowly fading away, a new warmth pressed against you 
“go back to sleep—don’t move! im comfy....”
you’re not even phased by Belphie sneaking into bed with you at this point 
and the warmth is honestly really nice 
you cuddle back into him, shoving your back as tight against his chest as it will go 
he throws an arm over your waist, holding your hip flush against his 
definitely stays with you the whole night—and the next few after that 
with the excuse he’s just ‘keeping warm’, of course 
checks on you every time he wakes up in the night, groggily reaching out to make sure you’re still warm and okay
-
Obey Me! Masterlist
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ofstarsandvibranium · 6 months
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The Music In Me
Fandom: Ted Lasso
Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader
Summary: You and the AFC Richmond team go to a karaoke bar to celebrate a win.
A/N: phil dunster, pls serenade me. i beg.
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Your relationship with Jamie was fairly new. You were a photographer that Keeley hired to do some campaign shots of the team. Jamie made you laugh when it was time for his shots and the rest is history.
You two were definitely still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. Something new and exciting. You thought being with a hotshot like Jamie would be difficult, with his fame and notoriety, but it wasn't. It was the complete opposite. He made things so easy. You enjoyed his company, he made you laugh, was considerate of your feelings. You felt seen and heard by him.
You were smitten and everyone can tell he felt the same.
"Cheers!" you holler with the Richmond boys, clinking your shot glasses and beers together. Jamie was the only one drinking water now, since Roy gave him a limit of two beers.
You down your shot and wince. Jamie snickers, "Strong?" he asks, offering you his water.
"Very," you gulp some of it down and hand it back to him, "Think I'm done for shots tonight."
Jamie nods, "Probably best. Don't want you completely plastered when we go up there," he points to the stage where Dani is getting ready to sing his song.
You look at him in surprise, "You signed us up?"
He nods, "Yup. I need everyone to know that me girl's got a voice of an angel."
You snort, "Think you're exaggerating a bit, babes, but it's fine. What song did you pick?"
He smirks at you, "You'll see."
_________________
You, Jamie, and the guys burst into hollers and whoops as Sam and Bumbercatch hop down from the stage after their rendition of "No Scrubs".
The emcee walks up and speaks into the mic, "Wow! That was surprisingly really well done. Anyway, next up we have," she pauses to look at the clipboard of names, "Jamie and Y/N!"
The boys are no cheering for you and Jamie as you stand and make your way to the stage. Jamie hops up first, offering his hand out to you to help you onto the platform.
You shyly smile at him as he guides you to one mic stand and he stands at the other. There's a a screen at the corner of the stage so you can see the words "Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran" appear.
You smile widely at Jamie and he gives you a wink. He knows you love to listen to Taylor Swift.
The acoustic guitar rang out from the speakers and the screen told you to get ready to sing in 3..2...1.
All I knew this morning when I woke Is I know something now, know something now I didn't before And all I've seen since 18 hours ago Is green eyes and freckles And your smile in the back of my mind making me feel like
You turn to Jamie smiling from ear to ear and he's looking at you like you hung up the stars in the sky.
I just wanna know you better Know you better, know you better now I just wanna know you better Know you better, know you better now
Jamie joins in and takes you a bit off guard,
I just wanna know you better Know you better, know you better now I just want to know you, know you, know you
The both of you go into the chorus and you stare at Jamie wide-eyed because you didn't know he sings so well. Sure you've heard him singing under his breath or humming, but never so loud and confident like this.
Then he goes into the next few lines and you just stare at him in awe. He moves closer to you, having you face him while he sings. He knows this song by heart because not once has he glanced at the screen as he serenades you. You're caught up in him that you forget to sing, jumping back into the chorus with him.
You two continue this song and dance. He twirls you around while singing with you and you do your best to keep up. Your heart and stomach are fluttering in the best way as he pulls you in as you both finish the last line of the song
All I know since yesterday Is everything has changed
The guys are absolutely losing their minds. It's clear none of them knew that Jamie could sing.
Jamie hops down from the stage, offering his hand again as you jump down as well. He kisses your temple and wraps and arm around your waist, guiding you back to the group while everyone applauds.
As you two reach them, the guys are patting you and Jamie on the shoulders.
"Bruv, how come you didn't tell us you can sing?!" Isaac asks in disbelief.
Jamie shrugs, "Not really important in football, is it?"
"Still. You got mad talent," Isaac says.
Dani chimes in, "A voice of an angel!"
You snort and nudge Jamie, "So much for showing me off. You took my spotlight," you say jokingly.
Jamie winces, "Sorry, babe."
You chuckle, shaking your head, "No, no it's fine. Really. I'm more upset at the fact you never sang around me like that before. You know you definitely have to sing more around me now, right?"
He grins at you, "Whatever you want, love," he kisses your cheek.
185 notes · View notes
buthowboutno · 5 months
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ONE YEAR OF "AND THEY WERE LAB PARTNERS" ✨✨✨
Thank you to everyone who participated in the one year anniversary poll!! I still maintain that it would be funny as /fuck/ to just delete “And They Were Lab Partners” in a memento mori fashion, but alas; Only one person voted for it.
Cowards /j
In any case, the majority voted for the behind the scenes stuff, so here we are! The tidbits of how ATWLP turned into the fucking beast it is.
I would like to personally blame @morning-sun-brah , @hitechlatte, and @ordin-arily for being such big inspirations in this corner of the fandom. You guys are amazing and I probably wouldn't be where I am today without your works.
Shout out to all my losers in the backrooms for keeping me going and being such terrible influences. You are all responsible for the horrors that have been unleashed. A solid third of my content exists because of your sins /aff. 
@beckerboopin is the best beta anyone could ask for and has only brought this story up to the next level. I would die for you becks <3
Also @betyoudidntcthatcoming-blog is the love of my life that I only met ‘cause of this fic or whatever. They’re pretty neat. I guess. :p
ANYWAYS, /CONTENT/
(Major Spoilers Ahead Pre-Chapter 23)
I would like to remind everyone that ATWLP was only supposed to be 50k words. You can still witness my naivety in the notes of “Pudge ‘Preciation.” 
How… simple those times were. 
How I so firmly believed the idiots would be kissing by chapter 16. How a projected word count of 150k words seemed unfathomable for a single work, much less a work with multiple published and planned companion pieces.
Crazy. (I was crazy once.)
There was a lot of ATWLP that ended up getting scrapped as I got further into the story. The idiots had a lot of opinions and tugged at me a few different ways as I got to know them better. (aka they wouldn’t listen to me when I told them to fucking kiss already.)
Anyways, some of the few major structural changes:
Casey was originally supposed to reveal that he knew Sweet’s in the bad timeline during the “Intro to Sparring” chapter. That chapter was also originally slotted to happen /before/ the kidnapping debacle, but it just so happened to fit in better later
The stage kiss from “Hit the Club” was going to be in the Nerd Prom chapter. It felt too corny at the time (and lowkey still feels corny) so I put that in my pocket for later. For as much as y’all yelled at me for it, it barely made the final cut lmao.
The way the idiots are going to confess to each other is a COMPLETE 180 from how I planned the story from the beginning, which was already entirely different from the first idea for this fic. I wrote a whole ass chapter about an accidental kiss being the tipping point of them positively macking on each other, which I did end up cutting into convenient pieces for other stuff. (I PUT A PART OF IT DOWN BELOW)
Sweets was going to be kidnapped twice and the whole Purple Dragons debacle was going to be drawn out more. There was a lot more action planned than slice of life content at ATWLP’s conception. For better or for worse, this is where the story led us.
Donnie’s mating season wasn’t going to be as involved in the story, if in it at all. I grew to be hornier and less ashamed. You’re welcome.
The first title for this fic was “Lab Rat: a Story of Nerds Falling in Love.” For the life of me I cannot remember what compelled me to change it, but holy shit am I glad I did.
I was going to use (y/n) in this fic. No hate to those who do, but stylistically I’m pretty happy with not doing that.
And because I have no control over the idiots, quick rundown of the chapters that weren’t supposed to happen.
Kart Conflict
The Christmas Issue
The Recovery: Day Two 
Valentine’s Day Episode
Hit the Club
Aquarium? Hardly Know ‘Em
****Pool Excursion
****Beach Episodes
****honestly just like the entire endgame of this fic
All the ficlets/ alternate POV’s
All the smut! I still have it written down in my original notes that ATWLP was gonna be completely PG lmao. Once again y’all have @morning-sun-brah and her fucking fabulous fics to blame for that
The Valentines’ and aquarium chapters are COMPLETELY different than how I had originally planned, even with being forced to include them in my chart. The Valentine’s day plans that the brothers had “ditched” with Sweets was the og plot for the chapter. The aquarium chapter was supposed to be a rooftop picnic with feels~~, no aquarium even fucking mentioned in my outline.
I don’t have much control over what happens tbh. I am praying that the 37 planned chapters will be the final chapters. 
We’ll…. we’ll just have to see how that turns out.
The scrapped plots as a little treat for y’all <3 ~~~
Cut Stage Kiss (after the lift in Nerd Prom)
You leaned closer to Donnie’s face, intent on screeching in his ear for pulling that stunt.
“Kiss them already!” May yelled from the inner edge of the crowd. You turned bright red, blinking at her. You shook your head at her, but the crowd started to catch onto the idea. 
“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”
Donnie laughed, a little incredulous. He leaned in close to your ear, whispering, “Theatre kid protocol?”
You nodded in agreement, allowing him to put a hand to your face. He leans into your mouth, making the crowd go wild. You giggle against the thumb separating your lips, smiling against it. Donnie pulled away from you with a dramatic ‘mwah’. You threw your head back, fully laughing as Donnie lifted you up from the dip. 
First Valentine’s Day Outline
The final four move to the living room
Sweets: “We’re making friendship bracelets while we watch the most romantic movie of all time.”
Raph: “Shrek 2!”
Donnie: “This is ridiculous”
Sweets: “This holiday is ridiculous, now pick out your five favourite colors of embroidery floss”
Donnie: “....Fine."
Donnie is actually terrible at making bracelets lmao while mikey has wristfuls of them
Donnie: “I don’t understand! I’m following the blueprints exactly!”
Mikey: “The... instructions?”
Donnie: “Whatever! How are you making those so fast? You don’t even have that many friends!”
Mikey: “Physical therapy is a hell of a time, my brother.”
Sweets: “Is Donnie being ableist again?”
Mikey: “I do believe he is.”
Donnie: “I am autistic!”
Sweets: “Bless you.”
ORIGINAL CONFESSION
And it all starts like most things in your life do: a silly mistake.
“Donnie,” you whined. You were working on your physics homework at his desk while he was soldering a new motherboard for the Turtle Tank’s controls.
“Little pest,” he mimicked your tone without looking up. He kept on soldering as you stared at him, not a care in the world. 
“Would you be so kind as to look over my work for this problem? I’m following the steps but I’m not getting the right answer.”
“Mmm,” Donnie said. At that moment, a spark flew from his project and caught his exposed cheek. He flinched back, dropping his wire and soldering rod on the table and rubbing his face. You batted your eyes at him while he scowled. 
“I don’t know how, but I blame you for that.”
“I would *never*,” you teased. You pushed your chair to the side a bit so Donnie could stand next to you. 
He moved his goggles to his head and put his left arm over the back of your chair, leaning over you. He parsed through your work for a minute and tilted his head down to tell you what you needed to fix.
It just so happened that you tilted your head up to ask him a question at the same time, the two of you meeting in the middle with a kiss. 
Well, it wasn’t so much of a kiss as it was the two of you accidentally brushing your lips together for a moment. Seconds, almost nothing at all. 
But the way that Donnie looked at you when the two of you jumped apart…
That…that wasn’t nothing. 
You could almost laugh at the ridiculousness of this situation. You could’ve cracked a joke, played up your ridiculous game of pet names and intellectual bravado. 
(To be honest, you almost did.)
But then you thought about the way Donnie’s lips felt against yours. You thought about the way you’d dream of that moment and then proceed to do everything in your power to banish those thoughts away. Your mouth hung open slightly as you looked up at him, trying to will yourself to do anything, anything at all.
Donnie ended up making that decision for you. That oh, so familiar churring started emanating from his chest. He took your face in his hands, looking into your eyes for just a hint of confirmation before leaning in for a real kiss.
Oh.
*Oh*.
(Yeah, you could get used to this.)
There was nothing more you could do than press yourself against him, against his touch. You felt him smiling into the kiss, pressing you down into the chair. 
Donnie was *everywhere*, like he was trying to encompass you. His hand moved to your hair, the other to your hip. You smiled when you remembered his adoration for your love-handles all that time ago. You traced along his plastron, making nonsense shapes and mapping out every scar.
He was so responsive. The chirring increased tenfold for every touch to his chest, every soft bite you gave his lips. You recalled all the times he would make noises from you touching along his shell. You pressed your hands fully against him, doing your best to draw out more and more of those sounds.
What Donnie lacked in experience he made up for in enthusiasm. He followed your lead, matching your pace every step of the way. You licked along the seam of his lips, gasping as his mouth opened for you. Donnie’s tongue against yours was tentative, shy even. You did everything in your power to ease Donnie into deepening the kiss. 
When he moved from your lips and started kissing down your throat, your soul could have left your body right there. He was so…*gentle*. 
Donnie always has been. From when he was slinging his arms around you to kicking your ass in sparring, Donnie has never failed to treat you with care and reverence. 
You feel it now, with every soft bite he gives you, every gentle peck behind your ear.
Donnie pulled away from you after what felt like decades. (Never enough, it would never be enough.) You leaned forward after him, trying to close the space he was creating. He looked bashful.
“This might be the proper time to tell you that I have a massive crush on you,” Donnie said. His face was fraught with nervous determination. 
“Yeah, no fucking shit,” you said. You stood up from the chair and used your body to push Donnie against the desk. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to your height.
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for forever, can we get on with it?” you said, looking into his eyes. Donnie turned bright red.
“But– you? Do you?” Donnie stammered a bit.
“Donnie,” you deadpanned, crowding into his space, “I’ve had a crush on you for a year, thanks for noticing. Will you *please* lean your face down a bit so I can reach it?” 
Donnie looked at you a bit incredulously, like you were a problem he didn’t know how to solve yet. He made quite a picture, all red faced and calculating with a dumb half-smile while he looked at you. But, giving in, he put his arms around you and leaned in to kiss you again.
“Aye, aye, captain.”
You smiled into the kiss, humming with contentment.
He likes you.
He likes you.
Aaaaand some random headcanons because I love you guys and I am truly so thankful to this kickass community <3 I truly do not know where I would be without the support y’all have given me.
Donnie has a hella oral fixation
NOT IN A KINKY WAY (most of the time) But as an autist, Donnie do be biting
One of his biggest shows of trust if he bites you while just chilling
Like if donnie is big spoon, he just nom on a shoulder and stay there chillin
Or if reader is body pillow, he’ll lean around and bite their bicep
Good sensations
Donnie draws on eyebrows every day, he for sure would be very good at doing intricate makeup on reader
Gently holds their chin up, concentrated as hell while reader blushes like mad
Donnie keeps getting banned off of roblox
Didn’t matter tbh, he knew how to hack into it to get his account reinstated
Also makes money off of roblox??
never explains to Sweets, very suspicious
Sweets likes to kiss along donnie’s neck/where his battle shell usually sits
The word here is reverence
Donnie is egotistical, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have insecurities about being a mutant turtle and you being a human
Lots of tracing along his arms, his face, his shell
Donnie likes his coffee to be half coffee, half milk to cut down on bitterness. Sweets is a tea drinker normally, but opts for coffee when they can’t focus (which ends up being most of the semester).
Sweets drinks black coffee when they’re on the struggle bus
To quote them, “Black coffee can’t hurt me more than Calc II already has”
But they prefer two creamers and two sugars when they have it in their dorm.
That’s all, congrats on making it to the bottom of this long ass post lmao <3
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dxwnstxr · 1 year
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Rain drops against your window
Fandom: Bungou stray dogs
Characters: Dazai x y/n (reader)
Genre: steamy-ish
Warnings: make out sesh :p
A/N: requests are closed!!! I've been so busy with my tiktok I completely forgot about Tumblr I'm so sorry! My requests have just built up and there's atleast 20 T-T. I'll try my best to finish them all but I can't promise I'll do all of them. I wanted to write this today though because dazai's been my new obsession. ^^ this is written in the readers pov.
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Cold. That's all that I felt as I walked home. Raindrops hitting my shoulders and dampening my hair, along with my clothes. I had forgotten an umbrella on the one day it's supposed to rain this week, just my luck. By now all my paperwork was probably soaked and I'd have to redo them all.
I sighed and hung my head low. My house wasn't close to my work but it wasn't very far either. The closest bus had already left for the next few hours and no taxi was available, leaving walking as my only option.
I tightened my grip on the strap of my bag. Taking one more step in another puddle, a hard board hit me in the face. I tumbled back and rubbed my nose, groaning in pain.
"Cmon..."
I mubled, annoyed at my terrible luck. Looking up to see what a ran into I was met with one of my co-workers. He leaned down to me, face full of concern.
"Are you okay?"
He asked me. I nodded and kept my curses to myself. Dazai, was a well known person at my work. He was known for slacking and goofing off but when we truly needed it, he would help us as best as possible. He put out his hand, asking me to grab it. I put my hand in his and he helped me up a little.
"How far away is your house?"
He ask. I raised a brow.
"Why do you want to know where a live?"
I replied. He just rolled his eyes.
"I'm guess still a little far right?"
I tsked and look to the side. He wasn't wrong, which just annoyed me further. I sighed and nodded.
"My house is around the corner. You can stay there for the night. It's non stop thunderstorms till tomorrow morning."
He stated. I hated the idea of staying with him but it was the only option I had. I could stay at a hotel but I don't have a bunch of money on me.
"Alright.."
Dazai chuckled and took my hand.
"Follow me"
I let him guide me to his house which was actually a condo. He just calls it a "house" to make him feel like he isn't broke.
When we got the he unlocked the door and opened it for me. He lived on the second floor, so he had a beautiful view outside with his balcony facing where the sunsets. Too bad it was too clouding to see it tonight.
Dazai put away his umbrella and walked to his room. I followed him and saw him looking in his closet.
"Here. Go change in the bathroom"
He handed me some baggy close. Dazai was more on the thiner side, but he was still rather muscular. I nodded and he pointed to down the hall.
Stripping myself of the soaked clothing, dazai's warm clothes seemed to fit well enough, to the point the pants didn't fall off. I walked out and tried to find where he went. Walking back into his room, he was sitting on his bed, scrolling on his phone. He looked up at me and his eyes widened.
"I'll throw your clothes in the wash"
He told me, taking them from my hands. He soon left the room as I could hear him getting the detergent and oxi clean. I sat by the balcony window and watched the rain come down. I leaned my head against the glass doors and listened to the way the rain hit the glass.
I closed my eyes and focused on the sound. I didn't hear Dazai come back in until I heard him sit opposite to me.
I opened my eyes and he smiled.
"Fan of the rain?" He tried to tease.
"Only when it's not soaking me to death." I reply.
He just chuckled. The ac turned on and the chill came back as goosebumps flooded my arms and legs. Dazai took note of this and moved closer to me. He sat next to me, his shoulder pressed against the glass doors, and opened his legs and arms a bit. Almost as if he was inviting me to cuddle him.
I glared at him and he smiled in return.
"You're cold aren't you?" He asked me, smarkily.
I continued to glare and he just sighed.
"Do you want to freeze?"
I huffed and scooted to him. Pressing my back to his chest.
"See isn't that better~?" He teased.
"Just shut up" I told him, annoying at his teasing and he pouted in return.
It didn't take long for me to relax. Letting my body relax into his as I let his warmth surround me. I let out a hot breath and watched the rain pour. I titled my head to the side and was able to hear his breathing and the way his heart beated.
I listened close and tried to match my breathing uo with his. Though, even though I tried, It didn't last long. I turned my body around so my chest was facing his and he leaned back a bit, his back now pressed against the side of his bed. I wrapped my arms around his torso and sighed in relief. The heat finally reaching me as it surrounded my body.
Dazai tensed at my moments but soon relaxed and continued watching the rain pour outside. I looked up at his to see what he was doing and he looked down at me.
We both didn't move. In fact, we both stay in that position. He looked at my eyes then my nose, my cheeks, forehead, lips, and so on. His eyes moving around my face, taking in all my features as I did the same to him. At the same time our eyes reconnected and it shocked us both. Our eyes widenening then relaxing. I sat up and wrapped my legs around his hips, so I was sitting in his lap.
He placed his hands on my waist and pulled me closer. I swallowed nothing and blushed a little. Dazai cupped my chin and pulled my face to his. It took me a second to realize that he was kissing me but when I did I reciprocated it. His hand that was resting on my chin moved to the back of my neck, tilting my head up.
Doing that opened my mouth slightly and he licked my lips. Parting them he welcomed himself in and pressed his tongue against mine. His other hand that was on my hip moved to entangle itself in my hair. He held me so close that it felt like he was scared that I would disappear.
He pulled back and slowly opened his eyes, along with me. He brought his thumb to my bottom lip and rubbed the wetness on it. Not wasting a second more, he leaned back in. This time the kiss was more lustful than the last. Like he was trying to be dominant with me. Though... I didn't complain.
He pulled away with a string of saliva connecting us. He started peppering kisses down my jaw line and to my neck.
"Dazai..." I breathed out.
He picked his head up from my neck and studied my face. Dazai then sighed and his head dropped to my shoulder. He rested it there for a while before speaking.
"I'm sorry..." He whispered.
"For?"
"Not asking.."
I practically looked at him in awe. I pulled his head off my shoulder to get a look at his face. A adorable little blush was dusted across his cheeks and I smiled at it. I kissed his nose and cupped his face.
"It's okay" I whispered to him.
I brushed away the hairs that were in his face and rubbed his cheek gently. He melted into my touch and looked at me with his chocolate brown eyes. He smiled softly and spoke with a red blush forming on his cheeks.
"May I kiss you?"
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stormblessed95 · 1 year
Text
I'm Stepping Away For A While...
Over the past week, and then some, I have been called a multitude of names in an effort to make fun of me and rude names including wh*re, p**sy, bitch, a liar, a fake, etc. I've been told I'm a fake/bad ARMY, a fake jikooker, etc. Ive had people call my friends deragatory names and misgender them. And I've also had someone in my DMs try to gaslight me into believing that this was not harassment or Bullying, but that I should apologize to my followers for threatening to block people and that people were just expressing strongly worded commentary over how my actions hurt them. And that I needed to take responsibility for creating the drama at all. And none of that is okay, and honestly it's been a lot. And the way people just brushed over the name calling and harassment regardless of if they disagreed with me or liked me, that was a lot too.
Blocking people to curate my space is not harassment or bullying or disrespectful. Its simply protecting myself and trying to curate a safe space for me personally. Nor have I ever started a hate campaign to try and drive another blogger off the platform. And if a post of mine encouraged people to send messages or hurtful asks to someone else, and I KNEW about it, I would've said something and asked them to stop. Sharing an opinion or disagreeing with someone is not me sending anyone hate. Nor would I ever want that for anyone regardless of any disagreements we had over whatever topic.
I've lost quite a few followers over the past week, people believing things that are being said and that's fine, i was never here for the numbers anyway. Id rather you unfollow or block me peacefully if you dont like me or my posts. Some of the people engaging with this hate against me were honestly surprising. But it is what it is. But I don't feel safe in this space anymore. I honestly haven't for a while. Blogging isn't as fun anymore. I don't want to post while it feels like a chore. And that's not because of anyone or anything in particular. I opened this blog because it brought me joy and it was fun. And it's really sad that something that brought me happiness is no longer doing that for me. It's not just all this drama either. It's probably been awhile coming, making my timeline posts for longer posts felt more like something I had to do for you all instead of something I wanted to do for me. And that's not what I want for this space.
So I'll be stepping away for awhile. When or if I come back will depend on if I can get that joy back for doing this and I feel like this can be a fun corner of the internet for all of us together again. And also for if I feel like I can do this without it being so mentally draining and just not good for my mental health like it has been lately.
I'll leave my blog here and my masterlist because I know that a lot of people enjoy the archive of some past content I have cataloged there. I don't want to take that away from anyone for that reason alone since I want people to be able to access that content if they can't otherwise find it. I also want the option to be able to come back to this blog again at some point. So I don't want to delete it or say I'm stepping away permanently, nor do I want people wondering what happened to me or anything. I just need a break. I do apologize for all the post series I have started that are remaining unfinished now for a little while.
If you want to unfollow me knowing that I'll be absent from here for awhile or for any other reason, that's totally fine. Honest. No hard feelings. I wish you well and hope everyone will continue to do well and enjoy the next few months of music, content and love from the members. Maybe I'll try to be back in time for JJK1 whenever that happens.
Again, this is just something I need. I'm okay, I'm not hurt or upset. I just need a break. I appreciate you all understanding. I'll still be in this fandom and be ARMY for life. I'll still be around for the next day or so. Thank you for understanding. I do love you guys and hope to back as soon as I'm able to.
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tsams-confessions · 2 months
Note
Shit my first time doing this, uhhhh-
OK so! I've been watching tsams since the end of August of 2023 and honestly, I don't know what the fuck is going on at this point!
I stopped watching gaming vids (with some exceptions) just so I can focus on the lore and I am still lost! I forget details very easily myself, so when somebody points out something from a video (especially an older one), I'm like : "oh shit, for real?" 'cuz I don't know how to react otherwise-
But I also notice a few details during lore episodes (especially older ones) that (just maybe) we're forgottened by accident? Or something?? Maybe it's intentional that they're left alone and never spoken about again? I don't know. Sometimes, it does tie back to a certain event or a thing a character has said but doesn't always get executed properly in the show-
And so I have detached myself from these characters for the most part because of this and decided to just listen to the people making theories here and ONLY watch the lore vids. I have agreed in the past and even now that Eclipse deserves redemption and it's so irritating how in the story he's still shown acting the exact same way with no development! In the present, I get why he's like this, cuz he's a copy, but also: HE'S A COPY! Does that make sense?! He could change cuz he ain't the same old guy; but it isn't surprising if he DOESN'T either! He was built to act like his original. Use the same old bad habits that he 'remembers' doing once..
..But it would be so interesting if, somewhere in the future, he cracks a little and shows something more different! Maybe he's too insane for that to happen now and he's mainly trying to do what he's already familiar with from the get-go still. You see this sort of behaviour in other characters too. But still; I think it would be so cool and would add nuance to him (current version) that he isn't all just evil and/or insane (ying yang bullshit) and has no chance to change AT ALL!
Also, no more new characters I think (there's too many)! The current ones should already be focused on more instead of adding new ones for the sake of angst and stuff and at such a quick pace! Their dynamics, habits, everything should be further explored more (with less drama and better/more development instead)! It would add so much detail to the full picture instead of doing it like this!! That doesn't mean I don't want a new character to make sense of the narrative or help it, it's just that it gets so chaotic so fast (physically in their life and the stuff around them)! Or maybe that's just me idk.
I haven't checked every corner of this fandom and I don't plan to either. Too much stuff going on. I'm sure others will either agree or disagree with me. Maybe both. Doesn't mean it isn't fun to watch/participate in sometimes! It just gets too dramatic at one point when it's all fictional characters in a fictional world and, apparently, artists are getting flunked over by other fans for certain ships and/or opinions and headcanons which is not good! So yeah... (other people have talked about it already so I won't go into further detail myself).
This was nice doing at 2:32 in the morning by the way, it's refreshing! I'll probably do it again in the future.
(maybe not at this hour hopefully and with an english test ahead that I haven't studied for properly cuz I'm a massive dummy :">)
10/10, would recommend!
.
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lowkeyrobin · 2 months
Note
can i pls have brenda(tmr) x fem reader pls🙏🙏 it could be anything i just want some brenda content😭😭
YES YWS YES YES YES OH MY FYCKING GOD YES PLEASE TELL ME J REACHED THE MAZE RUNNER FANDOM OMG ; also I only do gn readers but I don't think I mentioned any pronouns and kept it all relatively up to interpretation so 🙏 ; thank you so much for requesting, hope you enjoy!!!
BRENDA ; the last city
summary ; a little snippet of taking down WCKD with your friends
warnings ; language, stupid dad-milk joke, blood, knives, guns, & police brutality
word count ; 1.2k
masterlist
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Storming WCKD was a tricky battle, consisting of hours of planning and waiting for the right time. If anything went wrong and you didn't act fast enough, you could've all been killed. Hell, even getting into the city was a trouble in itself, considering the Cranks in the tunnel nearly killed you all haven't Brenda and Jorge have followed you, Newt, Thomas, and Fry all the way there.
The mission was to save Minho, and all the kids they were torturing and killing in their hands for a cure that didn't exist. The sub-mission was also to destroy WCKD for good, kill Janson and Paige, and probably Teresa, too, considering she'd betrayed you all at the Right Arm and helped imprison your friends. You still felt bad for her. She just wanted to help, but she went the wrong way with doing so, she didn't really deserve to die like her peers.
You only had one sense of reassurance if you didn't get to return home and go to the Safe Haven, that Aris, Harriet, Sonya, and many other kids used and abused by WCKD, were currently safe. Thomas would make sure he and the others and the kids you retrieved would be okay as well. You just weren't sure about yourself being okay.
You stand down at the bus that you and Brenda had broken into, waiting for the guys to bring down a class sized amount of children to the lowest level of the parking garage. The plan was simple, get out into the city, get Fry's attention with a flare when in position, use the crane, and get back over the wall with the kids in one piece, the bus, however, that wasn't exactly known yet. No one was trying to test run dropping a bus from a hundred or so feet in the air with a crane, but Jorge reassured you'd be fine and to just hang on tight.
You finally see the mass of children headed your way, led by Gally, which Brenda directs into the bus while you get it started. Once Brenda sits down in the driver's seat, you standing next to her, she yells for everyone to duck, seeing two WCKD guards armed with guns headed your way, probably looking for you. You crouch down onto the floor as she slides down in the seat, hiding behind the wheel and dash.
She turns down to you, whispering. "Hang on"
You quickly grab onto the handle bar next to the stairs, and look back at the kids as she nods.
You whisper shout to them, sternness in your voice. "Hold on!"
Brenda slams on the gas, powering the bus towards the two armed men as she sits up. You hear two thumps against the metal vehicle and cringe a bit, feeling slightly bad for the guys she probably just killed.
She speeds out of the parking garage and onto the street, a few police cars now chasing the bus. You stand on your knees, looking up past the dash in front of you, acting as her eyes behind as she drives recklessly through the city. Tires screech and the kids yelp and gasp as Brenda drives like a psycho, like she was still driving a side by side back in the scorch.
You're eventually stopped and cornered, luckily in position. The two of you are ordered to step out with your hands up, and you comply, making sure to tell the kids, no older than twelve or thirteen, to stay put.
"Hands in the air! Drop your weapons"
You comply, dropping whatever knives and guns you had, except the flare gun, in Brenda's possession.
"I said drop your weapons!" One of the officers points their bulky gun at you, making you jump out of your skin. You had your fair share of being threatened with weapons, but you actually dropped your shit, there was no reason for this.
"I did?" You furrow your brows and look to Brenda, confused.
The next few moments are a blur, but you end up on the ground, pinned down by one of the men, a gun jammed into your back. You felt your skull bounce off the concrete beneath you, and your hands roughly being pulled behind your back. You try to fight back, maybe not the best of ideas, but this man was on top of you for no reason, and you felt dizzy and weak, unknowing to how hard you possibly hit your head.
Brenda yells before quickly kicking the officer in the face, serving him an uppercut with her boot. She pulls the flare gun out of the inside pocket in her jacket, and shoots the red light up into the dark sky, alerting Frypan.
You, in an act of panic, shoot back at the officers as Brenda hooks the grapple hook to the back bumper of the bus. She pulls you in with her, closing the doors, instructing the kids to duck down in case they shot at the windows. Then, the flight to Heaven began.
A very chaotic and painful ride to Heaven, and back down, that is.
Your head was bleeding a bit from the impact with the concrete, and your hands were clammy and you saw black dots all around. But, you'd endured worse, you'd live, it wasn't a major problem.
"Hold on tight!' Brenda shouts as the bus begins to soar through the air, sitting at a zero degree angle.
You sit in the front seat behind Brenda, feet tightly pushing against the seat, two kids around the age of ten hiding in your arms.
"Brenda, if we die, I'm going after Thomas. You take Jorge because he's your dad, not mine!" You shout, breathing heavily as you look out the window, the height off the ground scaring you worse than it was scaring the kids.
You hear a little chuckle escape her lips, though she comes in touch with Fry over the walkies, talking frantically considering the whole plan situation. This couldn't go any quicker, could it? It felt like you were sitting midair for tens of thousands of years, the milliseconds dragged on like hours.
You hear the bumper begin to creak and snap, signifying the weight couldn't be held up much longer.
"Brenda!" You yelp, feeling the slight push of the bus falling out of grip of the hook.
"Just hang on tight!" She shouts back, bracing for impact as the bus reaches outside the city's walls.
You pull the two kids under your arms a little closer, squeezing your eyes shut.
You feel the back bumper snap one last time, releasing the bus from the air, gravity pulling the 20-ton automobile back to the ground. The kids scream and yell out of fear as the bus plummets to the hard ground below, nose first.
You hear the front windshield crack and break, the engine crushing as well. The bus completely shuts down, then falls back with a bounce, standing on four wheels again. You feel yourself shaking a bit, eyes still shut tight as Brenda stands up.
You open your eyes carefully, releasing the two kids from your death-grip. You felt like you could puke at any moment, either between the stress of the bus flying through air or the concussion you probably just got two minutes ago.
Brenda leads the kids out of the bus, waiting for you as you hold the back of your head, feeling your brain pulse in your ears as blood smears onto your fingertips.
You look up at her as she looks down at you, still seated, with concern.
"I'm gonna be totally honest, that was pretty cool" You speak with a crooked smile.
She rolls her eyes with a light smile, stretching out a hand for you to grab. "Come on, dork, don't act like I didn't hear you screaming behind me"
You take her hand with a sly smile, following her out the bus.
"We're going to confront Dad about the milk, kiddos, let's go!"
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95jezzica · 5 months
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What is your opinion on SuFin from a Swedish perspective?
I think I've talked about this in the past, but I don't mind going into it again with hopefully mentioning at least SOME things I haven't already mentioned.
Now, I should start with the fact I personally really like SuFin, but used to HATE the pairing in the past because how the fandom portrayed them both. Nowadays I mostly keep to my own corner and only really talk with a few people, so I've grown to love SuFin more based on canon and my own ideas for them.
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To be honest I tend to focus more on the Hetalia characters as persons in general with a few historical references/trivia, but honestly, they have a lot of potential together.
Sweden is sweet and shy, but he has mischievous and rebellious sides as well. He also cares a lot about the people around him. (This can especially be seen with how he constantly defends Iceland and how he interacts with Sealand and Ladonia). Though his feelings for Finland is canon he also doesn't pressure Finland for an answer/feelings in return.
Meanwhile Finland is a caring and kind person, and he's not afraid of constantly standing up to people who finds Sweden intimidating. Finland is the person who constantly recognizes that while Sweden "looks scary", Sweden is also a very kind person.
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Now, in canon, we actually don't know if Finland returns Sweden's romantic feelings, but it's obvious they still care a lot about each other a great deal.
With that said, if they became a couple I think it'd happen closer to modern time, and while I personally headcanon Finland loves Sweden back, I also think it took Finland a long time to decide if he even wanted a romantic relationship despite his own and Sweden's obvious feelings.
Now, I don't believe (hws) Sweden himself would ever do something to hurt (hws) Finland, but we also have to keep in mind the Swedish leadership and government haven't always been very kind to the Finnish people. Being in the Swedish Empire wasn't great for (irl) Finland - for a long time it was just better than being under one of the other countries in the area.
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Anyway, at best there would be a weird power imbalance between (hws) Sweden and Finland if they had a romantic relationship somewhere between 1000-1900, even if Sweden himself never intends/intended for it - not to mention homosexuality wasn't even accepted or acknowledged at the time as something fairly common.
Most people hc Finland as Bi or Pan, so Finland could likely "pass" in the past by showing interest in women and ignoring any of his feelings towards non-binary people and/or men. But Sweden is canon homosexual, who only really have shown romantic interest for Finland in canon. It's more likely Sweden (tried to) bury his feelings deep, deep inside to not literally get killed by people for who he is.
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Fans also (STILL) love to joke/bring up Sweden calling Finland his wife, but in canon Sweden only did it ONCE and then stopped when Finland protested against it. No matter what you think Sweden's reason was for calling Finland his wife, he stopped after Finland told him No.
I repeat, Sweden STOPPED.
He respects and respected Finland. Sweden listened when Finland said he didn't want to be called "wife".
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So yes, I think they'd work really well together and have a sweet and loving relationship - but it would take a long time for them to make anything official.
We have a LOT canon moments between them. Everything from them adopting Hanatamago together, Sweden getting kids, to them constantly visiting each other, and Finland constantly defending Sweden from people who finds his looks intimidating - just to mention a few things.
Honestly, they'd probably be an "inofficial couple" for YEARS before they became official, but they'd get there eventually. Through both good and bad they've been there for each other for +1000 years at this point.
They're nations, and they can afford to take it slow.
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anna-hawk · 10 months
Text
Lonely as You
Pairing: Frank Castle x Matt Murdock Fandom: The Punisher/Daredevil Rating: E 🔞 Word count: ~2k
Summary: After one particularly hard mission, Frank realizes that Matt has a tough time dealing with his emotions.
Tags and warnings: angst – porn with feelings – emotional hurt comfort – canon typical violence (mentioned) – bathtub sex
This is yet again inspired by @nkeiiin, who struck again and hit me straight in the feels with this drawing.
Also read on AO3
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“Hey, come on, Red,” Frank muttered softly, as he stooped low enough to get a hold of one of Matt’s elbows and help him up from where the man was sitting on hard concrete. “Let’s go… Nothin’ we can do anymore. The cops’ll be down here in a sec.” 
Matt didn’t move for a few seconds, his head still facing in the direction of the scene they’d brought an end to only a few minutes ago. Almost too late. Definitely too late to spare the kids they saved the future nightmares and hours of therapy. 
At least they got to go home, right?
Glancing at the small group of kids sitting huddled in a corner of the basement they were in, Frank tugged at Matt’s arm more urgently when he heard the sounds of police sirens just outside the large house. Thankfully, Matt finally moved and let Frank pull him through a door that led to a small tunnel and outside through a hidden trap in the backyard. They’d made sure to compile all the evidence they’d gotten on the trafficking ring on a USB stick, the hidden entrance included, and leave it for the police to find, along with the knocked out or dead criminals. 
Back outside, the two vigilantes quickly made their way towards Frank’s van that was parked in a secluded place a few yards away from the house and hidden from the police’s view. They took the direction of one of Frank's safe houses that they’d used during their planning for tonight, the small house only fifteen minutes away. The whole drive was done in utter silence, which wasn’t the real issue here, since that was more or less the norm between them. It was either bickering and bantering or being silent as they worked together. When they weren’t fucking it out afterward, for that matter. Frank didn’t mind any of the ways that he spent with Matt. As much as Frank was used to working alone, he was sometimes glad that he didn’t have to. Especially if it was Matt he was teaming up with. 
The current silence, however, felt deafening and left Frank with a bad feeling in his gut. He kept throwing Matt small glances and could practically feel each of Matt’s negative emotions coming off of him in waves, as if Frank were the one with the heightened senses. It was really because he knew Matt well enough to know what must be going through the man’s head. Probably stuff along the same lines as Frank's thoughts about what those kids had had to go through before they saved them. 
Parking in front of the house on the outskirts of NYC, Frank got out of the car after Matt had done the same and made his way to the entrance door. The smell of their lunch was still in the air, but it made Frank’s stomach roil with disgust this time; any hunger had fled him completely after tonight. Focusing his attention back on Matt, Frank followed the man into the tiny kitchen and watched him duck his head under the faucet to drink deeply. After he’d closed the water off, Matt stood there for a moment, his hands gripping the edges of the sink. 
“We should get cleaned up,” Frank tried, slightly unnerved by Matt’s unusual kind of silence. 
Frank had killed some of the men tonight, the situation and his rage getting the best of him. Was that the reason for Matt’s behavior? As much as they argued, the only true sticking point between them was the way they dealt with criminals. Matt refused to kill and continuously tried to stop Frank from doing so. Frank did try to hold back on the lethal blows, but on nights like today, it was impossible for him. 
Matt only nodded briefly and walked to the bathroom, Frank automatically following him. He didn’t really know why, but he felt like either of them being alone right now wasn’t a good idea. With his back to Frank, Matt turned on the faucet in the bathtub and plugged it closed as soon as the water turned hot. He slowly began removing his gear, starting with the helmet, and let each item fall to the tiles. Frank remained quiet and unmoving, thinking hard. He wanted to reach for Matt, but since he didn’t manage to get a read on the man, he refrained from it. He sighed when Matt was almost fully undressed, but still hadn't really acknowledged Frank's presence.
“Listen, Red… I know what you’re thinkin’… But those guys? They didn’t deserve to live. Honestly? They deserved far worse before I put a bullet in their heads, but-”
“You’re right,” Matt cut in softly, stopping Frank in his agitated explanation. 
Frank watched as Matt put a hand over his eyes and tilted his head back with a sound that almost sounded like a sob. His eyebrows creased while his gut clenched at the sight of utter misery in front of him. 
“I’m glad they’re gone, Frank,” Matt admitted, his voice raspy as he turned to face Frank at last, revealing every emotion to him. “That’s the only thing I could think of,” he laughed without humor. “I listened to their heart beats slowing down, and I wanted them to stop, I…” He turned his head away and shook it. 
“Wishin' for someone’s death and killin’ someone ain’t the same thing, Red,” Frank spoke gently as he took a step closer to Matt. “Everyone’s havin’ those kinda thoughts. Still don’t mean you wanna do it. Gonna do it.” 
Matt shook his head again and swallowed hard. “It’s not the first time I’ve wanted to… nearly did it, too.”
“But you didn’t.”
“Didn’t I? Tonight? I didn’t stop you, Frank… You know I could’ve. Sometimes I can’t, sometimes you’re too quick and… but not tonight. What happened in that basement? Sometimes I think I’ve seen it all and then… Fuck… I watched you do it, Frank, and-”
Frank cupped Matt’s jaw with both hands, and Matt’s hands came up to circle Frank’s wrists on reflex. 
“Stop.” He said it gently, but the tone was firm. “You ain’t me, Red. And I’d kill any last one of those motherfuckers we fight if it means you ain’t ever gonna fall to my level.” 
Matt gritted his teeth and leaned his forehead against Frank’s. 
“I don’t want you to do that. Not for me, either. Killing isn’t…” Matt went silent, much to Frank’s relief. Tonight wouldn’t be one of the nights they’d argue about God and who did or didn't deserve to die. Tonight, Matt was closer to Frank’s way of thinking, but Frank wasn’t happy about it in the slightest. Not if it almost broke Matt to admit it. 
The hands on Frank’s wrists vanished, only for them to appear at the hem of Frank’s body armor and go for the fastenings. Frank didn’t question it, and wasn’t surprised in the least by Matt leaning away briefly to tilt Frank’s face in the right position with one hand and kiss him. The exchange had nothing soft in it. It was demanding and desperate at the same time. A sharp breath left Frank as he kissed Matt back hard before taking a step away from the man's scorching touch to get out of his clothes. Matt wasn’t a silent observer, though. He went for Frank’s belt buckle, as Frank was pulling off his shirt, and made quick work of unzipping and lowering Frank's jeans. Frank nearly stumbled as he tried to undo his combat boots with his pants at mid-thigh, but he kicked them off and reached for Matt again as soon as he was fully naked as well. His hands went to Matt’s ass and pulled him closer as Matt’s tongue glided over his with a groan. Matt pulled away slightly and led Frank to the bathtub. After getting in, Matt turned off the faucet since the water had reached the desired level, and Frank joined him a second later. Thankfully, the bathtub was large enough for what Matt had in mind. He lowered himself into the water and laid back, silently beckoning Frank to slip between his parted legs before drawing him down for another needy kiss. The water sloshed against the sides as they moved into position, with Matt’s legs folding over Frank’s hips while Frank held himself up with one hand on the edge of the tub. Their hard lengths slid together in the hot water as their hips moved against each other, making both men groan into the kiss. 
“Fuck me, Frank,” Matt moaned against Frank’s mouth, before slipping his tongue back into it. 
Frank growled and kissed Matt deeply. “Ain’t got anythin’ in here to-”
“I don’t care. Just like that, Frank. Need this.” 
Frank huffed, while his own desperation for closeness shot through him. Lifting his head, he caught sight of the bottle of shampoo sitting in the corner of the tub and reached for it. Better than nothing. He was fine if Matt didn’t want to wait, but he didn’t want to actually hurt him. 
“Frank,” Matt breathed, tugging and pulling at Frank. 
“Water ain’t fuckin’ lube, Red. Just…” Frank managed to single-handedly get some of the shampoo onto his hand and lifted his hips until their lower parts were out of the water. He coated his dick and quickly slid a slick finger inside Matt, before pressing the head of his cock against Matt’s entrance. 
“Fuckin’… Christ,” Frank grunted, while he pushed against the tight ring of muscle and was granted slow access. 
Matt hissed, but his mouth fell open on a whine of utter pleasure once the first inches of Frank’s cock breached him. It was slow work, but Frank was soon lowering them back into the water and began to move. One of Matt’s arms wrapped under Frank’s while the other one went over Frank’s shoulder, both hands gripping at Frank’s back, the fingers digging into the muscles. Frank pressed his face against the side of Matt’s neck as he fucked him with long and deep thrusts. The hand that had gone for the shampoo was now under Matt’s leg to open him wider for Frank. Matt’s moans and cries of pleasure reverberated all around the tiled room, while more and more water slapped against the sides of the tub and ultimately over them, drenching the floor around it. Neither of the men paid it any mind, their focus solely on each other and the need to feel the other, forget everything else around them. 
Matt suddenly came with a choked out sound without either of them ever touching his cock, his arms wrapping tighter around Frank’s back as he jerked under the larger man. As if Matt’s orgasm finally allowed Frank to let go as well, Frank lifted his head to capture Matt’s lips as he pushed into the other man a few more times before he was following Matt over the edge. He could feel his release coating the inside of Matt’s hole, and groaned at the way Matt contracted around him with aftershocks. 
After a minute of silence, this one more comfortable than the previous one, Frank gently pulled out. As Matt groaned, Frank felt glad that they were already inside a bath, so they could shower off quickly, his body feeling heavy after everything that had happened that evening. Matt shifted under Frank and pulled the bathtub’s plug to let the dirty water run down the drain. Frank stood and pulled Matt to his feet, before he reached for the shower part of the bathtub. They rapidly cleaned up and dressed in the same silence.
After reaching the bedroom, Frank looked back to a hesitant Matt. Generally, they didn’t spend the night together, not in bed anyway, but Frank didn’t think twice about catching Matt’s forearm and drawing him inside the room behind him. Matt uttered a small sigh of relief and went quietly. He settled inside the bed and Frank wrapped his arms around him from behind, his forehead to Matt's nape. 
Frank knew that nothing had changed, Matt would keep warring inside his mind with his far from catholic thoughts, but at least he wasn’t alone. 
Not anymore.
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snek-panini · 7 months
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It's been a few weeks since I had new books to share, but I finally got photos taken of the newest ones so today's the day. Here, have a book:
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This is Across Tides and Currents, a Good Omens siren AU by Sodium_Azide and @doorwaytoparadise (hi. I hope I tagged you right). My favorite thing about this AU is that, at its heart, it's about learning to communicate with someone who is so different from you that you can't even physically speak each other's language, and yet you've still got so much common ground that you find a way. It's way lighter and more fun than that description makes it sound, though, so go read it if that's your thing.
The cover on this is Lineco book cloth, scrapbook paper printed to look like leather, and blue foil htv. The foil was actually a nightmare to do. The first time I applied it, it wouldn't stick no matter what I did, and the bits that did stick peeled off as soon as I touched them. I had to peel them up very carefully, cut a new image, and try again. Thankfully it worked the second time but I don't know that I'll be using the foil type again unless there's no other way to get the color I want. The non-foil metallic was so much easier to work with.
More book photos under the cut!
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I went with a coptic bind for this one for a few reasons. The first was that I wanted to try one on a quarto-size book to see if I could. I also wanted to try the mitered corners thing I did when I bound Strange Moons, and see if I could have the same effect on the interior. (That bit didn't work out so well; the front is fine but I mismeasured the inside and the lines didn't match up, so I trimmed some pieces of cardstock to cover that up. I really like the layered look though, so that's fine. It's quirky.) The third reason is that not long before I decided to bind this one, the authors published a new chapter after two years of no updates. That's the best possible reason to have to change plans, and the glueless bind means that if they ever do that again I can just redo the stitching to add more pages. Win-win.
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Getting whimsical with title pages here. This took way longer than I thought it would, probably because I don't like graphic design and I did it in Word where I do the rest of my typesetting. Usually what I do is grab an image and put text around it or on top of it and then just play with fonts and sizes, but this time I drew the lines and then made the text follow them. This is the first time I've used the word art feature since...probably 2009? I'd forgotten how. I have no doubt there are better ways to do this but if I'd had to learn a new program at that point I'd have quit. And I do think it was worth it--it's cute and fun and looks about how I imagined it.
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Couple of photos of the inside. Sorry the first one's blurry, I had someone trying to get my attention when I took these. The section break image came from rawpixel, I just made it gray instead of black so it's more subtle. The fic has very nice illustrations that I specifically got the artist's permission to print and then I failed to get any photos of them when I did my little photo shoot. They look very nice, though. I swear.
The last image is something I've started including in my latest books. I'm calling them "A Note from the Bookbinder" and it's basically just me talking about why I chose that story, the experience of reading it for the first time, stuff that's going on in the fandom, stuff about the process like the new chapter coming out as I was preparing to print. It's kind of...like marginalia? Part of fanbinding is preservation and that's linked to archival work, and something I know archivists love is marginalia and diaries. I don't like writing in my books and I've never found any fun in journaling, but sometimes that kind of context is important so I'm trying to add it. Someday, decades from now, I may not remember all the details, so I'm trying to preserve them. IDK, this got philosophical on me. Go read about mermaids now. Promise it's a good time.
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purpleqilinwrites · 5 months
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confession scene.
a/n: my favourite cousin sent me an early christmas gift and it was a bottle of ck one! it smells like teenage memories from the early 2000's, which is what inspired this piece. also, happy birthday to gojou!
fandom: jujutsu kaisen
character: gojou satoru
genre: fluff
info: reader is from a non-sorcerer family; this takes place pre-canon timeline
warnings: high school dumbassery
synopsis: gojou has the utmost trust in ieiri's (unconventional) wingwoman technique.
word count: 2.0k
fluff-vember prompt: high school crush
fluff-vember 2023 masterlist is here.
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Gojou Satoru
Gojou always struck you as sort of weird.
It was one thing to find him weird because you were from a non-sorcerer family. Gojou's weirdness, however, seemed to be completely impossible to explain even when you considered he might be a weirdo because of the kind of family he was from.
"You look like you could use a smoke," said Ieiri, emerging from around the corner and coming to stand beside you.
You waved your hand to greet her, but you quickly closed your hand into a fist when she plucked a spare cigarette from her skirt pocket and held it out to you. "Wouldn't kill you if it was only once in a while," she said, and her tone was akin to if you were the one she discovered smoking behind the school compound while still in uniform.
Ieiri took no offence to your instant refusal and slipped the cigarette back into her pocket.
"Has Gojou gone home yet?" you asked, after looking over Ieiri's head. "Those blue eyes seem to be following me everywhere these days." A tall silhouette peeked out from the same corner that she had just appeared out of, and you whipped your head to face the vending machine in front of you, pretending to be deep in thought about which drink to buy.
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw that it was just one of the supervisors rushing by. Probably on the way to Yaga-sensei's office.
An exhale of relief left you, and you could feel your shoulders dropping into a more relaxed position. Ieiri's pointed gaze on you called some of the tension back into your posture. "Did you want something?" you asked, slotting a few coins in the vending machine and pressing the button for a bottle of cold barley tea.
You bent to retrieve your drink from the pick-up port. When you stood up straight, you found Ieiri leaning against the vending machine. Was she trying to block you from leaving? You couldn't think of a reason for her to want to do anything like that. Then again, everyone you met in Tokyo Jujutsu Tech was, in one way or the other, beyond the boundaries of any logic a non-sorcerer could think up. You simply chalked it up to weirdness being a pre-existing condition for sorcerers, and they were weird in every shade of the word.
"Gojou's still in school," Ieiri said, after a while. Your drink was already sweating in your hand, so you opened the cap and took a swig, leaving room for her to keep talking. She looked like she had a lot more to say. "Gojou also bribed me to ask you this: what perfume are you wearing, and where did you get it?"
The sip you were about to take sloshed out of the bottle and onto your uniform jacket when you failed to connect your mouth to your drink.
Ieiri miraculously had a handkerchief in her other skirt pocket. You took it from her gratefully and began patting down the wet spot on your chest. "Oh, and he doesn't want you to tell me. He wants you to text him a picture and the name of the place you got it. For privacy, he says."
If Gojou wasn't the weirdest person in your school at this point in time, he definitely had no competition now.
You grunted as a means of acknowledging the weird request and the even weirder conditions. "I don't get it," you said, wringing Ieiri's handkerchief to make sure it wasn't soaked through with barley tea. She put her hand out with her palm facing up, telling you that she was going to wash it anyway.
"He like-likes you," she said, after she snatched her handkerchief from you. You had insisted on washing it for her before returning it, but the words for it never made it past your throat. Instead, her statement dawned on you, and you choked on your saliva. She patted you on the back. Was she consoling you, or was she trying to help you clear your throat?
"No," was the first thing you managed to say.
That made Ieiri cackle, and she slapped your back to punctuate each "ha!" that escaped her. You moved away from her, clicking your tongue. She opted to push her hand against the glass of the vending machine to continue her weird sorcerer laughing fit. You took another gulp of your barley tea, making sure the mouth of the bottle was touching your lips before you tipped it back to drink from it.
When Ieiri appeared to have calmed down, there was an expectant look in her eyes. You sighed, remembering the bomb she had just dropped on you. "Fine," you groaned. "I'll snap a pic and send it to Gojou with the name of the mall."
She cheered, and she hooked her arm around yours. "I'll take you on a coffee date with the bribe money," she said, too loudly. You narrowed your eyes at her. She plastered an innocent smile onto her face, showing you all her teeth. You wanted to shake her off your arm, but she tangled her other arm in the mix to keep you from getting away.
"I'll take you on a coffee date! Just the two of us! It'll be fun!"
Why was she yelling? As you continued to struggle feebly against her, she insistently mouthed a "say 'yes'" to you. Your brain floundered for a moment, and she began to nod her head aggressively as she continued to mouth those words to you.
"It's a date!" you managed, and your voice came out too shrill to be natural. Surely, Gojou wasn't that dumb, right? If he was lurking nearby and eavesdropping, he wouldn't fall for something as fake as that—
"Ieiri, you betrayer! You're supposed to be my wingwoman!"
No, Gojou was, in fact, dumber than you gave him credit for.
Ieiri's smile was conspiratorial when you shot her a look of disapproval. She let go of your arm as soon as Gojou came stomping up to the two of you, sunglasses askew on his nose from the violence in his movements.
It was only when he was close enough for his shadow to loom over you that you realised Ieiri wasn't lying. She wasn't trying to get a reaction out of you either. Gojou's cheeks were dusted pink now that you got a good look at him, and the colour in his ears was far more pronounced than that on his face.
He did. He did like-like you.
"Hand it over," Ieiri said, shouldering her way into the space between Gojou and you. Her hand was face-up, and she kept knocking it against his sternum. Gojou humphed, shoving his hand into his pants pocket and pulling out an admittedly obscene roll of cash for the petty task he set for Ieiri. She closed her hand over the money and tugged on it until he let go, hissing at her like a feral cat.
With her reward money in hand, she slid back to your side. She winked at you, smiling brightly as she raised her hand as though she had won a trophy. "Study break's next week, so let's go then," she said, purposely ignoring the glare Gojou was fixing on her. "We can check out that fancy place in Ginza! The one with the hot barista." She made a show of pocketing the roll of cash before she skipped away.
"So," you said, after standing in silence for a while and deciding you couldn't bear it. It was the longest Gojou has gone without speaking since you met him. You tried to make eye contact with him, but he was making it difficult by holding the bridge of his sunglasses up with his finger.
"So," Gojou repeated, finally putting his hand down. He had been bouncing incessantly on his heels, lips pinched. You were about to ask him why he felt the need to get Ieiri to ask you about your signature fragrance, but you stopped yourself when he opened his mouth.
Gojou ended up closing his mouth a second after he opened it, so you spoke instead.
"You could've just asked me," you said. "It's not a secret or anything, you know?" Gojou's hands were in his pants pockets with the thumbs hanging out. You've been watching his thumbs slide here and there as he fidgeted all this while, and it made your own hands itch for something to do.
You uncapped your barley tea and finished it off in a few big gulps.
"I didn't want to make it weird." His answer surprised you. It seemed like nothing fazed him. You had assumed that potential embarrassment was one of those things that had no effect on him whatsoever. It was only now that you realised that you were mistaken.
"It wouldn't have been weird," you said. "Well, until now. Bribing a friend to ask is definitely weird."
Gojou took offence at that, and he jabbed an accusing finger at your shoulder. "I'm not weird! You are!" he insisted, the pink on his face deepening to red. "And you smell weird!"
At his half-hearted insults, you laughed. You quickly put up a hand to stifle your laughter when you noticed Gojou was starting to sweat, his brow starting to glimmer in the late afternoon sun. It made your chest swell with pride that you had done that to him, but you pushed the thought to the back of your mind to feel good about when this weird conversation was over.
"Okay, and?" You egged him on, pulling an Ieiri and mustering your most innocent smile by flashing some teeth.
Gojou visibly stiffened, and he ripped his finger away from your shoulder like he had been burned. He angled his body away from you slightly, making eye contact with you for the briefest of moments before he abruptly broke it. There was the sound of a cough. He lifted his hand to cover his mouth, and a series of mock coughs filtered out from the gaps in his fingers.
"I-just-really-like-you—" He cleared his throat in that obnoxiously self-important manner that the old Zenin man supposedly did. The Zenin grandpa only swung by Tokyo Jujutsu Tech once to see Gojou, and he never let any of you forget how insufferable he apparently found him.
The image of Gojou ridiculing and pointing at a rude old man made you chuckle unbidden, and Gojou made sure to let you know that you've provoked him, gasping dramatically as he put a hand to his chest.
"Sorry! I just remembered you said some old sorcerer clan man was here last week and you—"
Gojou gasped again, his expression scandalised. "I'm sweating just trying to confess the deep and secret feelings of my heart, and you're thinking of other men? You're unbelievable! So ungrateful, too."
The weird but entertaining Gojou you were familiar with had finally come up to the surface, and you couldn't help giving him a playful smack on the arm. "But you do like-like me, right?" you asked, still all smiles and teeth. Ieiri would be proud. You made a mental note to tell her all about it when you met for that fancy coffee date in Ginza. In front of the hot barista too, as a little treat.
Gojou raised a finger to his chin, pretending to reconsider. He hummed, as if trying to force a reaction out of you. When you failed to respond the way he felt was appropriate, he huffed. "If you like-like me too, then all is forgiven."
It was your turn to strike the thinker's pose, your chin too high and too proud to be doing any serious rumination. You were sure the smile on your face gave you away.
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ineffable-rohese · 7 months
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Oh hey, I've gotten a few followers/mutuals, so I guess it's time for a pinned intro post?
Demographic info (because it gives context to my words): Early 40s white fat cis queer poly pagan woman living in the wet corner of North America. My nearest and dearest are almost all trans/non-binary.
Personal (public facing): I'm an Aziraphale-coded hobbit. Like, so cozy and wholesome you might want to puke. I rewatch just the first disc of the LOTR extended edition because I love the Shire so much. I drink Earl Grey with milk and one sugar. (Or a good scotch, cause every Aziraphale needs a little bit of Crowley inside them, right Sheenie?) I read mainly historical fiction, especially anything set in (actual, not fantasy) medieval Europe and I was at one point a medieval music history nerd. I wear cozy sweaters. I love rain on ferns and April flowers. I make soup with things I've tended and harvested. I work a Wholesome AF job. I unironically hug trees. I'm deeply in love with the world.
Personal (in private): I'm deeply kinky. I'm primarily a Sensual Sadist with a significant Dominant streak. I often play as a Panther. I absolutely love consensual violence, and get great joy from hurting people who want me to hurt them. I've only really given myself permission to be that in the last year or so.
Fandoms: I fell in love with Good Omens in 2000 when a college roommate gave it to me. It was genuinely the funniest, greatest thing I had ever read, and I evangelized about it to anyone who would listen. S1 of the show immediately became a comfort show, and it got me through a time of massive loss and upheaval. I put it on when everything was too hard and I needed something that made me feel like everything was going to be OK. S2 - well we're all here still, aren't we? It dropped when I desperately needed One Good Thing for my brain to latch on to as I got through some intense pressure, and boy howdy did it lodge itself in me.
Other fandoms in roughly chronological order: Star Wars (original trilogy made me a child nerd), X-Files (first real social fandom, and intro to fanfic!), Buffy/Angel/Firefly, LOTR, Doctor Who, Torchwood (the only other show I've been driven to write fic for), Sherlock to an extent. OFMD and WWDITS are great fun, though not obsessions.
My Writing: Writing Index Here I'm really enjoying writing right now! I don't know how long this ADHD hyperfocus will last, but I'll take it while it lasts. My goal in writing is to challenge myself, create things I'd want to read, and have fun with it (for a definition of fun).
I'm also definitely working on being comfortable expressing the things I like and want and being unashamed about that. I worry too much about how my 😈 side might reflect on my 😇 side, and honestly, these shades of grey lovelies are helping me with that a lot. It's probably why I love writing Dom Aziraphale so much, because he is just so sweet and good and bright, and also a toppy BAMF who can make demons (and their Bentleys) do whatever he wants and wields a flaming sword against Satan himself.
So yeah, every time I make Aziraphale go to a dark place, and then come back again to being a ball of delight, it's helping me create a map that allows me to do the same (to a, you know, somewhat lesser and more reasonable extent). And when others read and like the things that come from the darkest corners of my brain, it makes me feel seen.
Anyway, you made it this far. Here are my cats for tax. Yes, I have one of each of the Kinds of Cats.
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sophies-junkyard · 8 months
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Seeing the new PJO content has me thinking way too hard about growing up. Its crazy because it’s like…. I think that chapter of my life is over? Which is a BIZARRE feeling. It’s all pretty stupid to write out but I’m drinking coffee and staring out the window and don’t have class for another 6 hours so lemme scribble some thoughts.
I read the Percy Jackson books when I was the same age as the characters, and so whenever I look back on those stories I sort of… remember them as peers? I remember how much I related to them and looked up to them. It was the first story that ever told me my ADHD could be a gift, and that it made me just like my heroes. It was so, SO important to me. I JOINED TUMBLR for the PJO fandom! I made camp t-shirts and painted necklace beads! I learned to draw because the fanart inspired me. Those books were such an escape for a lonely kid. The characters grew up right alongside me, and eventually got older than me. So when I picture our trio I still picture people… more competent than me? People I would aspire to be. But seeing that trailer and remembering like… holy fuck they were kids. I was a kid. This is a faithful adaptation because they were TWELVE… where did the time go?
It’s just strange because if you scroll back through my tumblr you’ll find a kid who camped out for the release of HOH. Who saved her allowance for a year to get an autographed copy of the Blood of Olympus. Whose eyes would glaze over in euphoria at the idea of my favorite thing in the world coming to screen. At the idea of a new BOOK!! And from Percy’s perspective?? That girl would’ve exploded. This was HER blog! Push a few buttons and you’ll find her!
So how odd is it that… it’s simply not for me anymore. When I saw that the book was set in Percy’s senior year of high school, I had a tiny flash of disappointment. Obviously I can’t relate to an 18 year old, and I felt myself frowning. “Why isn’t Percy for ME anymore?” I wondered. And I immediately felt silly. The answer is because… I don’t need that world anymore.
They’re not making this show for me. They’re bringing it back for the next generation of kids who need those role models and those stories. When I watched the trailer I thought “oh that’s cool” instead of “oh my god I can’t wait!!” Because it just doesn’t make my brain light up like it used to. I’m never going to relate to it like I once did. Ever. And that’s okay because I’m not that kid anymore! Insane.
It’s not like the series doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. There’s a copy of The Lightning Thief on the bookshelf directly across from me. Its smooshed between The Secret History and a level 4000 Spanish textbook. It’s yellowed with age and shredded around the corners. The first sentence has been underlined repeatedly in smudgy mechanical pencil. There are about a thousand folded pages and the back cover is missing. I don’t remember the last time I opened it, but it’s moved with me for years now and I have no intention of letting it go.
Those stories and that fandom shaped me into the person I am today. I wanted to be brave like Percy and smart like Annabeth. I believed it was possible because I saw myself in them, and it turned out to be true. So while it’s sad to know those days are behind me, I’m so SO glad that other kids will get to have that experience. I hope these stories live on for decades to come.
I don’t really know what the point of writing this was. I think I just wanted to have these thoughts written out somewhere. A sort of acceptance that time goes on and things change, ya know? And to clarify: this is NOT meant to discourage ANYBODY from watching the new series or reading the new book. People should absolutely go back to the things that bring them joy, should discover new worlds to escape to, etc. live your life baby! Hell, I’ll probably end up liking everything PJO related that floats across my dash. Nostalgia is a powerful thing. If you read this entire post I hope you have a great day lmao.
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