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onewholivesinloops · 2 years

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Hello~! I'm a new time follower after seeing your Satako posts floating around for a while. I apologize if this question comes off as unwanted, but since you seem to be the resident Satako expert I thought you'd be the best person to ask.

My biggest issue with Meguri so far has honestly been how cartoonishly evil Satako has come across. Why is she behaving so cruelly to the rest of the club? I understand Rika completely since it's extensively been set up, but the rest of her friends not so much. The idea that she could treat them as no more than pieces on a board, Shion especially, is strange to me since they've always been portrayed as people she cares about almost as much as Rika.

this is a really difficult question without a definitive answer because there are currently multiple possible explanations you can come up with for why Satoko believes tragedies are essential for June of 1983 in Meguri, but none that are obviously correct so far besides probably only one. The best thing about the manga, however, is that there's a great deal of nuance so there's room for more than one of those explanations to be correct at the same time!

fair warning, I'm probably going to get a little bit rambly in my efforts to land on a satisfying answer so please bear with me.

the most obvious answer can be inferred from her inner monologue in the scene where she commits murder suicide with Rika at the end of the Oniakashi loop. Satoko in her broken state talks about how she's so delighted to be able to control fate "so easily" because she can see through every nook and cranny of the world/tamper and rewrite events that were supposed to occur to the extent she proclaims herself fate itself in such a way that makes the whole thing come off like a power fantasy of sorts for her.

the current Satoko is utterly incapable of imagining a happy future for herself and thus has given up completely on the prospect. The reunion with club at Hinamizawa (specifically when she imagines them as their past selves) is a perfect encapsulation of this as Satoko comes to realize, upon seeing her friends together once again like the good old days, that she cannot move on. She deeply misses the environment where she was cared for and made to feel safe by her friends, but she realizes that it's impossible to return to those times again. Except Satoko fears change and growing up as a result of all the traumatic experiences she's gone through at St. Lucia and that’s what Eua decides to prey on. It's exactly what Ryukishi described in one interview about how for Rika this is simply a story about advancing to a new school, whereas for Satoko it's a "terrifying story about growing up".

Eua's "dream fragments" or whatever you wanna call them are a perfect metaphor for this mindset Satoko currently has. Eua literally says that once Satoko makes her decision she'll "make the passage of time real again", so she can trace through the same steps and obtain the world she wants. Basically if we focus on the dreamlike aspect/this being a dream for Satoko, where she makes different choices to test outcomes before she makes them in reality, then all bad ends could be manifestations of her anxieties about the future because of everything she's gone through until this point. It's a gameboard where Satoko's opponent is herself and she's the one putting constraints on herself through her unhealthy mindset. This is also further reinforced by the fact that Eua states that unlike Rika’s 100 years (which were driven by Takano’s certain conviction) Satoko’s will be driven by “her own will”, so for the Satoko who doesn’t wanna be separated from Rika and fears the possibility of her brother never coming back/his health never improving, her power starts manifesting when she starts making different choices throughout the loops with conviction to bring about the certain future she so desires.

of course it's also obvious Eua is also doing something to trick Satoko here considering we see her snap her fingers while grinning at the end of the first loop. She's either rewriting the fragments to end in tragedies or cherrypicking bad ones to place Satoko into, but it's pretty much the same thing when fragments are infinite. I don't think this contradicts the metaphorical interpretation so even if Eua is manipulating Satoko in a literal sense, it's still resonates with the concept of Satoko struggling to forge a future for herself because of trauma and codependency and it’s just Eua enabling beliefs Satoko already had deep down.

anyway, back to what I was saying earlier about it being a power fantasy... Satoko probably thinks that if she can't find happiness, then she might as well be the one in control of her own pain in an environment where she feels safe. After being toyed with so much by fate and going through so many tragic endings, having full control of everything for the first time probably feels really good. It's basically her way of coping with feeling like she can't influence her future. It's an attempt to regain her agency that works pretty well because even in the original series Satoko never really had much control over her life or the terrible things she had to go through.

it's also possible that after she started enjoying the tragedies as a coping mechanism because all the things that went wrong for her were inexplicable and outside of her control, she started applying this mindset back to June of 1983 and that made her believe that this was essential to make it good. Having Rika's 100 years of June of 1983 which were full of tragedies downloaded into her mind by Eua might've inadvertently reinforced this belief too.

it's possible she also thinks that tragedies are necessary to appreciate the good times/for the good times to continue existing for some reason because what she says here:

I guess believing tragedies are necessary for Eua to let her continue looping is also another possibility, but I’m not so sure about this one because even though Eua does find tragedies entertaining it’s Satoko who takes initiative and suggests causing them.

I’ve also speculated in the past about how it’s possible watching Rika’s 100 years might’ve affected Satoko in some way, but I’m not entirely sure about any of this and I’m currently having second thoughts about it. I don’t know if Satoko will necessarily think of her friends this way, especially when she’s also seen herself become just like them in some fragments. All she wants right now is to be happy with them again, so it’s entirely possible she doesn’t mind any of this. Satoko is also an incredibly empathetic and kind person who believes the past shouldn’t matter as long as you’re trying to be a great person in the present and she also believes there’s no point to living if you can’t ever earn redemption, so I don’t know if she’ll necessarily blame her friends for sins they’ve committed in previous worlds when they’ve become much better people now?

I do think it’s completely possible that finding out about how Rika has never relied on her while looping and all the secrets she kept from her might reinforce her low self-worth and her belief that her existence only worsens Rika’s life, but I’m not sure she’ll hold a grudge over this either because she wasn’t bitter at all about Satoshi’s whereabouts being kept a secret from her. If anything she understood that Irie was doing that for her own sake. Anyway, sorry if I’m contradicting what I said in the other post, it’s just that I can see things going either way and I don’t wanna say something definitive one way or another.

Tatariakashi in general is a big mystery because even when Satoko saw Rika dead at the end she seemed shock and distraught? Her shock at seeing Rika dead in the happiest fragment between Oniakashi and Wataakashi might’ve made her realize that she no longer wants this anymore. Maybe the festival was so fun she ended up completely forgetting about injecting Ooishi before or something. Anyway, Satoko’s dialogue in the watanagashi scene around the end of Nekodamashi is super interesting because even though she’s asking Rika to “never leave Hinamizawa” it feels more like she’s trying to convince her to never leave the loops. Gou/Meguri is clearly less about St. Lucia vs Hinamizawa and more about the uncertain future vs the safety of the past (aka staying in June of 1983) which follows through from Satoko’s fear of change and growing up, so it’s clear her motive is going to evolve from simply looping eternally in June of 1983 to trying to convince Rika to loop forever with her or something.

anyway, sorry for going on a tangent. I think I have enough faith everything about her motives is going to make complete sense eventually because her reasoning for doing all this is still being explored even post Satokowashi. There’s a certain vibe to this scene that makes me believe her reasoning is pretty nuanced. Something about the way the loops are set up brings her genuine comfort and happiness. In the anime witch Satoko came off as a maliciously evil person who derives pleasure from hurting others and grins while flashing her red eyes at every turn, whereas in the manga she comes off as a broken person whose suffering warped her into someone who can’t separate happiness from pain. I don’t think she’s cartoonishly evil in the manga personally, she feels much more humanized and comes off as more childish if anything? The way she uses traps, how she behaves and her mindset towards what she’s doing make her feel really human and not at all different from the original Satoko. This is a really interesting mystery so I’m genuinely excited to see it unfold!

as for Rika, it makes sense that Satoko is trying to exert some control over her death in every loop, given Rika’s death was always outside of her control in Eua’s dream fragments.

I think it’s also worth noting that her characterization has completely diverged by the prison bit and instead of blaming Rika for anything like in the anime she thinks it’s completely her fault. She concludes that if she weren’t a part of Rika’s life, Rika would be so much happier and even though she believes Rika told on her/perceives it as Rika abandoning her, it’s herself she blames because she let Rika down in the first place by having her grades deteriorate and not succeeding to fit in.

she doesn’t rope Rika into the loops initially because she wants to make her suffer or anything, but simply because Rika is the person she’s most attached to and she wants to be with her forever. I think all this is more in character for Satoko than the spite towards Rika that Gou/Sotsu tried to force personally. Satoko has never spiteful and she’s always struggled with low self-esteem. Even when her brother disappeared/abandoned her she never blamed him for that once and she immediately concluded that it’s her fault because she was too much of a burden/relied on him too much.

yep.

that’s my explanation.

of course most of this is my personal interpretation and plenty of things might change in the future so please keep this in mind and take it with a grain of salt, but if you have any more questions feel free to ask!

#anon #asks #higurashi #higurashi meguri #satoko houjou #gamo.txt

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aeoki · 9 months

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Seven Bridges - Hate Control: Chapter 6

Location: Yumenosaki Garden Terrace Characters: Tsukasa & Ritsu

TL Note:

For those who don’t know, “Anija” refers to Rei.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ< At that time. Yumenosaki garden terrace. >

Ritsu: …………

Tsukasa: Ritsu-senpai.

So this is where you were. I’d like to ask both you and Narukami-senpai to not disappear before my eyes without my permission.

I have to look for and gather all the Members before we conduct our Lessons. Such is the evil “Knights” tradition.

Please Respond to the message on “Hallhands” at the very least.

Ritsu: What? Oh, I didn’t understand you with the way you pronounced “Hallhands”. I reported Anija[∗] as a “suspicious account” multiple times, but they didn’t remove him so I don’t trust the app anymore.

Besides, I don’t want to leave the newbies on read, so I haven’t even been charging my phone lately.

Tsukasa: It is a tool for work, so please make sure to check it regularly.

…I do understand how you feel, though. It appears the new members are left confused by our decision.

But it’s been decided that we won’t be taking part in the school’s “Tanabata Fest”, so it’ll only serve to annoy us if they send complaints.

Ritsu: What a tyrant~... Did you explain everything properly to them all?

Tsukasa: Yes. From what I’ve gathered, the proposal for the school’s “Tanabata Fest” is one that ignores the existence of the new members.

Therefore, we “Knights” will, to a certain extent, decide which Members will take part in ES’ Tanabata Event.

Meaning, we’ll be taking part in the event that places “Knights’” wishes into their consideration.

Ritsu: Yeah. But the timing is pretty bad…

The newbies all saw how Nacchan got super angry about the cenotaph thing after reading the “Tanabata Fest” proposal.

So they probably think Nacchan forced us to take part in a different event.

Tsukasa: That is one of the actual reasons, of course, so I won’t deny that it isn’t.

But the cenotaph issue weighs heavily on Narukami-senpai and not only is Narukami-senpai not interested in the “Tanabata Fest” event, but she also appears to abhor it.

If we forced such an individual to stand on stage, it wouldn’t result in our usual quality of Performance, would it?

It would also affect our relationship – It would only do harm, no good.

Narukami-senpai is the main backbone of “Knights”. She was much more of a leader than Leo-san or Sena-senpai was last year.

If Narukami-senpai wasn’t here, “Knights” would have fallen apart at some stage.

Tsukasa: I wanted to reward all her hard work by respecting her feelings! Is there anything wrong with that?

Ritsu: There’s nothing wrong with that under normal circumstances. Considering other people’s feelings is very important.

But what about from the perspective of a “King”?

Tsukasa: ………?

Ritsu: Suu-chan, it just looks to me like you’re being considerate of Nacchan – your subordinate – and changed the entire direction of “Knights”.

Tsukasa: Like I mentioned before, is there something wrong with that?

Ritsu: A “King” who moves the country on personal feelings is called a tyrant, Suu-chan.

Tsukasa: …………

Ritsu: And “Kings” who obediently follow what their subordinates say are, at the very least, called puppets.

None of them should be your ideal image of a “King”, right, Suu-chan?

Tsukasa: …What should I have done?

Ritsu: Don’t ask me. I’m horrible at dealing with people.

What I do know is the fact that there will be similar incidents like these in the future. And every time, you’ll be forced to make a decision.

What will you prioritise? In other words, what will you choose and what will you abandon?

I’m sure you want to walk forward without abandoning a single thing.

But, like this time, there will be a situation where you’ll have to abandon something no matter what path you choose.

ES and Yumenosaki – Which Tanabata event will you have us take part in? You chose the former by thinking about Nacchan and the newbies, right?

Tsukasa: The latter would have been an impossible choice. I’ll say it over and over, but it would only do harm, no good.

Ritsu: Do you really think so? The one who’s essentially controlling the dreamfests at Yumenosaki right now is the “Peace Party” in the “producer course”.

The school’s “Tanabata Fest” is something they submitted by using Anzu as their puppet.

We rejected their proposal. Naturally, the “Peace Party’s” impression of us would only sour. It might be harder for us to find work in the future.

And the “Tanabata Fest” proposal is progressing with Anzu’s name as the person responsible for it.

That event might turn out to be a disaster because we didn’t lend a hand.

In that case, Anzu’s skills as a “producer” would be questioned.

Maybe we could have saved Anzu and made the event a success if we helped.

See? It’s possible to live without abandoning something.

Tsukasa: …………

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂ Next Chapter →

#seven bridges

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unicornpieprincess · 4 months

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I desperately need to get this off my chest and it will likely come across as a rant so if you’re not in the mental space to consume this, please scroll.

I’ve fallen out with one of my ‘friends’. I met her last year when I had a spare room I needed to rent out. Immediately upon moving in, she made no effort to get to know us and would make a massive mess and not clean it, saying she would do it later. As the year progressed I got tired of asking her to clean up after herself and eventually found out that she had ptsd that she said would stop her from realizing how much mess she made. Seeing her so upset and clearly be in a bad place mentally, I let it all go. I did eventually tell her that cleaning and hygiene for me are akin to safety for her, she couldn’t function if she didn’t feel safe, and I had told her multiple times but after empty promises to get better she would just do what she wanted anyways. We got closer and she would start running into my room the moment she woke up and start crying about her problems. Because she has PTSD, and to be a good friend to her, I would listen to her and comfort her regardless. She was involved in multiple relationships, none at the same time and all were toxic. I told her she needed to stop letting men manipulate her when it’s so obviously clear to her as well. Ultimately I told her that it was of course her life and her choice but she would constantly cry to me about the same issues and would do very little to solve them. She didn’t want any logic and asked for emotional support through it all. My issue with this is that she has said that she cannot offer any emotional support but is actively seeking it out herself? Secondly, she would tell me these problems and require me to the emotional labour, and when given advice, she would ignore it and then ask me to support her through all the emotions following as a result.

In these last few months, I have been through a lot. My family is quite traditional and my time with them over the holidays is always stressful, she of course knows this as well. My grandparents died over the last few months, and my mother was very ill, and we thought she might have cancer- we have found out that she doesn’t so thank god. Overall it has been quite stressful but also because I am in my final year of law school, I really wanted to do well and focus on my studies. I told her that I didn’t want to do the emotional labour for anyone anymore and she got upset. After a couple of days, she relents and says that it’s perfectly fine that I am setting this boundary.

Clearly she doesn’t respect this boundary and when I tell her that she’s not respecting it, she gets upset. From there, our friendship is strained with her isolating herself, and not spending time with any of friends in our mutual friend group. Going so far as to not speak to me for a couple days at a time and cancelling or rejecting any plans to spend time together. I speak to her about this, and she says she’s regulating her emotions and needs space, which I am happy to give her. However, she is also going tour for dinners and spending hours with friends that she doesn’t really speak to.

The main argument begins during the week building up to Halloween. For the last two weeks, she has not spoken to me and every conversation I have tried to initiate she has not responded to or gave very little to. Then on Halloween, my friend and I get tickets for this club that her extended friends are going to. To preface everything, she knew that my friend and I were planning on going to a club regardless and it was only last minute that we got tickets for this club. As one of her friends is hosting a pre going out party for everyone she’s friends with, close or distant, many of our mutual friends are at this party. I come to the party late with my friend, but we have cleared this with our host, but this girl that I’ve fallen out with doesn’t like this. Mind you, she was late herself, and has rarely ever been on time for any of our plans and spends that time mostly on her phone. At this party, my friend and I tell our host that we got tickets for the same club to which this girl gets upset about and decides to leave. When leaving she picks a fight with me, knowing I’ve had a few drinks as well but I still tell her that we should speak tomorrow because I’m intoxicated and we shouldn’t have this conversation here at the party. She doesn’t listen and keeps pushing me and I snap. I snap at her and say that if she feels left out, it’s all her fault. One, she doesn’t drink, two she said she didn’t want to go out, three she knew I was going out with my friend to a club regardless, but also she has not spoken to me in weeks. But the real kicker here is that she was sending out messages to apologise to people for being a bad friend, and she sent my sister a message when she knew her for two weeks? When at the time she wasn’t speaking to me?

I tell her I don’t want to finish this conversation here and that I am leaving. I go out to the club with my friend anyways, and we have a good time. There we meet up with other people, who we go home with. They have been able to tell that something has been off with us all week and so when I tell them everything they are very sympathetic and do not like what she has done. They also tell me about the things she’s done to upset them. The following morning, we have a conversation to finish what happened last night, and lay everything out but she keeps interrupting me and when I tell her to stop she gets upset and refuses to say anything. I tell her I am done with this friendship and then she leaves.

For the record, I am still quite upset because I did invest a lot emotionally into this friendship and am very upset for a number of reasons:

1. She won’t respect my boundaries but will enforce her own- she doesn’t understand anything implied and gets upset when a clear boundary is drawn

2. She makes herself out to be the victim in every situation, when she is simply dealing with the consequences of her actions and can easily resolve these problems

3. She didn’t even try to save our friendship, or show remorse over how it ended or even apologise for the pain she’s caused me, even when she expected me to apologise for the pain it caused her, for which I apologised as well

4. She dragged our mutual friends into this but got upset when I told one of our friends about this?

5. When we agreed to not discuss the other with our friends or make anyone choose, she flaunted that she was still friends with them all over her social media

6. She constantly asks for emotional support but refuses to give any in return, and when I asked her to at least give me the chance to not have to deal with anyone else’s emotions, she couldn’t even do that

Things have been frosty since and we’ve not spoken to each other since.

Does it make me a bad friend if I’m upset that my friends didn’t even ask me for my side of the story in all of this? Does it make me a bad person if I wish I had made them choose?

I’m still so upset about all of this and it seems that no matter how much I try to convince myself that it’s all ok, I’m still hurting so much. I know I shouldn’t expect her to give back to the friendship what I’ve given, but is it really unreasonable for me to expect her to at least try to be my friend as opposed to treating me like a therapist?

#bad friend #do I need help? girl what do I do #aita?

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masongrizchel · 5 months

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Day 331 of 365

WHAT PHYSICS HAVE TAUGHT ME

When I was in high school, the science that I liked most (especially during my first year) was biology. We were one of the few people who experienced the last part of the old curriculum (Science I, GenSci, Science II, Biology, Science III, Chemistry, and Science IV, Physics). I have been really fascinated by science since I was a kid. When I was asked by my kindergarten teacher, 'What do you want to become when you grow up? '. I answered, I want to become an astronaut. I am really into astronomy and earth science. Whenever this becomes a topic, I have so much information to share.

I really do love to read. At the age of ten, I was reading entomology books. There is so much to learn about the world, but this motivation or dream fades when reality slaps you. When I reached my teenage years, due to uncontrollable circumstances, life taught me how to be tough. Life will beat you up to the point where you have no other choice; refusing is not part of the choice. But accept it as it is. This is reflected in my academic performance. And the consequence of this is that I'm still bearing it even now. Especially whenever I look at my academic records from high school.

My interest in biology faded when I encountered chemistry. I hate chemistry more than biology. What the hell is this balancing of equations that I will not use in my life? All I balanced back then was a mixture of alcohol and other substances that I used to escape the harsh truth of life. Well, of course, I failed these subjects, and I have no other choice but to take them during the summer.

When I encountered physics, I hated it further. I didn't have a calculator before. I have to solve it manually. As a teen, whenever you fail academically, other aspects of your life fall apart. Your only means of survival is to find a suitable support group. Where to hang out, where to feel that you belong, where to abuse yourself, going beyond the means of your physical capacity Cell consumes. Life itself is bad and bitter, while death is always right. But never did death cross my mind (which is a good thing). But the personal hate about life is always part of my system (especially before).

So when the quarterly test came (the physics test), I held onto the test paper. answered confidently and surprisingly when the score returned. The reason I am confident is because I took the exam while drunk and had a hangover. I put a smile on my face as I wrote my answers. And to my surprise, when the results came, I received a mark of 6/50.

Then there was a topic that I have read in physics: (1) Newton's Laws of Motion. "A body at rest maintains its state of rest, and a body in motion maintains its state of uniform motion, until and unless a net external force acts on it." This made me realize I needed to rethink what I wanted to be. Our dream will not be achieved until and unless we apply a net external action.

Then, (2) superposition of forces: "When multiple forces are acting on an object, then each force will create the same effect as it would have if no other force were acting on it." Performing work or exerting effort with full dedication and hard work doesn't matter if there is anyone else trying for the same thing.

Since physics is my last science subject (in high school), this served as my trigger point to go back into STEM. Physics, or STEM in general, taught me a lot of things. And this means that we in STEM are problem solvers. We place emphasis on the solutions and not on the problem itself. We are also trained to think critically. There are several approaches or solutions to one problem. By knowing the right conditions (by means of critical thinking), we can use what we have. We can know what we can do; this can also serve as our tool to advance in what we want or what we dream to become.

And whatever we intend to do with life, it's all part of the process. a process by which we discover who we want to be. And what we do, with whom we wanted to.

This is what physics has taught me, not just the solving and theory parts. But its extension is in real life. a guide to reality.

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boondockerblog · 1 year

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Day 49 Cabeza Prieta

Morning

Same spot, not the same Internet signal. Knowing there was no way there'd be enough here for a client facilitation I called the library in town to be sure there was a place for me. No answer multiple times. The town is very small, but still. I called the school. No answer. I called the coffee shop. No answer. Weird. I had no choice but to drive (this is the closest to a town we've ever made camp in a desert so at least it wasn't far.

There's the typical small town square and lots of people were walking. The tables at the coffee shop were all full and then I pulled up to the storefront library. No lights. Not open. I went to the coffee shop (on the way noticed no lights at the realtor or the art gallery, weird) and there a sign on the door - Closed Until the Power Goes Back On. Small town so no power, no internet, no water. Everyone was out because nothing indoors worked. Sad that it takes this to drag people away from their phones, tvs and computers.

Last ditch attempt I hoped the small hotel had a generator and satellite internet. Nope. They answered the phone, but no power. The internet on my phone was slightly better here than in the Preserve so I hoped. After 30 minutes trying to get the site to open on my computer using my phone as a hotspot I had to give up. With 2 minutes until start time I emailed the group to tell them the super unlikely turn if events and that I would try to get in in the platform app. Viola - I was in. But a frustrating experience of freezing, not hearing people, etc. This is the first time, with the best of planning, that even muscling through it came up with poor results.

Afternoon

An afternoon hike nettled us this view, which we love to see each time we come back.

6pm

We were just starting to cook and the woman from Day 47 (the one Bill doesn't like 😁) was calling out. We went out and she said she had been riding her bicycle all over looking for their dog. They'd been biking the paths and their dog was trotting along until she bolted off the path into the brush, cactus, etc.🐈‍⬛She's older and deaf so they can't just call her. She's a boondocking dog so she'd always come back if she'd wandered, but now that she's deaf, and it's getting dark soon they were concerned. After she left Bill said we need to take the car and go look for her. So off we went stopping (in a 2 - 3 mi radius of where she took off) at 6 or 7 places people had made camp to tell them to be in the lookout. A couple had already heard and jne had been out looking. After it was pitch black we finally came home, made dinner and ate in mostly silence. The silence was punctuated every so often with how bad we felt, how scared the dog must be, how Maddie would feel (and not talking about coyotes and cold in the desert).

About 9pm the phone rang and it was a man we'd asked to keep an eye out about 2 mi away. He had gone to town to take a shower and in his way back had seen a dog standing in the road - deer in the headights style - was sure it must be her and she got in his truck. Bill had given the people we talked to his number and the man had called. We were so excited! Ran to the car and drove down the hill to where the dog's owners were camped. Jumped out of the car and the people, seeing people, had run to the path. We said that the dog was found and the woman (again, remember, she's the one Bill didn't like) threw herself at me hugging me. We all jumped in the cars and drove to meet the man with the dog. I am holding back tears as I type this. The dog was so scared her owner had to pull her out of the man's truck. We all talked excitedly about the events of the evening, how we'd all been feeling, etc. Again the woman hugged me, and, Bill, and the man who found her. What a night!

Moral of the story - even cranky people (crabby, impatient, opinionated) love their dogs and get scared.

Lesson - if Maddie ever loses her hearing we're keeping her on a leash!

Reinforcement - yet another reason we love boondocking. People are not within sight if each other, for the most part, and are always willing to help. It's a community. People come and go but they share a passion - love of outdoors, challenges, physical work.

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thatkpophoelife · 3 years

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Jealousy

PAIRING: Jungkook x Fem. Reader (ft. Taehyung and NCT Jaehyung)

RATING: Mature 18+

GENRE: NonIdol Au. Highschool Au. Smut. Fluff

WC: 8K

SUMMARY: You and Jungkook have been best friends since the beginning of time. You spent every waking moment together until one night your at a party and the feelings you have been trying to keep inside decide they want to erupt and make your life harder than you ever could have expected.

WARNINGS: Swearing. under aged drinking. Big dick Jungkook. Oral (Fem. Rec.) Nipple Play. Fingering (Fem. Rec.) Multiple Orgasms. Cream Pie. Unprotected Sex. Slight Daddy Kink. Slight degradation (hardly mentioned). Thigh Ridding.

A/N: I’m so happy I’m finally done with it. I am so happy with the result. I have been working hard for the last few days getting this ready to post so sorry if anything is spelt wrong or doesn’t make sense. ENJOY!

You and Jungkook have been best friends since the first grade. It all started when you fell off the monkey bars during recess. Your palms and knees were bloody and scraped. The cement was rough against your skin and you could see those small little rocks in the small cuts on your hands. As a little kid they seemed way worse than they really were. You were scared you would need to go to the doctors for stiches and then they would need to give you a shot. You were like 7, things like that terrified you.

When you looked up through your watery eyes, you could see a little boy with cute cheeks, deep brown eyes, and bangs. You looked back down at the ground and wiped off your cheeks and nose. When you looked back up you saw the same boy but with his hand out for you to grab. You reached out to grab it and he pulled you up with a huge grin and a huff.

“I’m Jungkook but my friends call me Kookie.”

“I'm Y/N. Thanks for helping me up Jungkook.” You though it had a nice ring to it.

“No problem. I have a band aid in my pocket, you can have it”

“Really? Thanks.” When he handed you the band aid you couldn’t help but notice it had a small picture of Woody from Toy Story on it.

In the days that went by, you two hung out nonstop. He told you almost everything that you could learn about a 7-year-old. You learned his birthday was September 1st, he has an older brother named SeokJin that everyone calls Jin, he likes pizza, and loves soccer. You knew other things of course, but those were just some of the basics.

You became best friends extremely fast and spent most of your summer together. You went to the beach more than once a week. Your parents became friends with his parents and there was no going back on this friendship now. You did develop a teensy tiny basically non-existent crush on Jin but it quickly went away when Jungkook called you out on it and asked you to never see his brother in that light again. You agreed because even though you were only now 8, you still had your priorities and Jungkook was in the top 3.

By the time second grade came around he asked you, aka forced you, into joining his soccer team so you could “spend more time together.” You whined for the entire first practice. Since your mom was excited to finally see you doing a sport, she put your hair up in pigtails and bought you neon pink knee socks with a just as neon yellow visor. You were not happy. When you got to the field you felt out of place and like everyone was laughing at you. Those worries effected how you played. Just because you never played the sport before doesn’t mean you weren’t somewhat decent at it.

You knew how to dribble kind of well and you had decent aim when trying to make the ball in the net. But your real strong suit was goalie. You were never afraid of the ball or of getting hurt. If you needed to you would gladly dive for the ball if that’s what your team needed to win a game. You were never a girly girl so getting dirt on your knees never bothered you.

Despite all of this you still didn’t want to try out. Your mom was loud and never stopped cheering your name, no matter where you were. You had no other siblings so it’s not like she had anywhere else to be. She had her own small company that way she could create her own schedule and get to go to anything you wanted her to and as far as she knew that was everything. All of your class field trips, sport games, school plays, everything. You were too nervous to tell her otherwise because you didn’t want to hurt her feelings. You know that she only went overboard because she loves you so much but sometimes you wished she loved you a little less. And your dad was always busy with his 9-5 job so he never went to any of your things.

You never stopped playing though. You ended up enjoying the sport more than you could have expected. It was even more enjoyable since you were actually good at it, you always got to be goalie in all of your games. You and Jungkook were actually the star players on your co-ed team. And whenever Jungkook would ask you about why you still played even though you “didn’t like it that much” you always said you liked it enough to continue playing and that you had nothing better to do. You knew deep down that he knew you enjoyed the sport just as much as him, but you also knew he would never call you out on it.

You won almost all of your games, and you and Jungkook always fought over who deserved the trophy’s. Your argument was that the goalie was a key role to stop the other team from scoring. Jungkook’s was that he made most of the goals to keep your teams score up too high for the other team to ever catch up. It always came to a vote among your teammates, Jungkook always won and you knew it was because most of the girls had a crush on him and wanted him to like them back.

Besides that, nothing exciting happend in your friendship for a while. You spent a lot of time playing soccor in parks and when it was soccor season. You spent all of your summers together and both you’re your guys’ parent let you two get a golden retriever to take care of named Olive the summer before 6th grade. She was staying at Jungkook’s though because it was his idea in the first place. It didn’t mean you never go to see her there. You spent half of your summer there so you saw her a lot.

In your summer of 7th grade Olive got hit by a truck. You were both devasted and Jungkook spent a week at your house. All because Jin forgot to let Olive in at night so she decided to run. Jungkook didn’t talk to Jin for almost a month.

Then in 8th grade a boy named Park Jimin decided to throw a “End of the Summer Almost Freshmen in High-School” party. In reality it was more like ten people that were all in some way shape or form a part of his friend circle. You were invited because they needed another girl to come and Jungkook talked you up so much Jimin had no choice.

The night was all fun and games until his parents went to bed. He quickly grabbed an empty 16-liter Coca-Cola bottle and sat it in the middle of the floor and had everyone gather around in a circle. You were beyond nervous considering you hardly knew any of the boys that were playing and you have never had you first kiss.

A few rounds went by and nothing particularly interesting happened. Jimin kissed some girl named Emily that you didn’t like that much anyways. Then it was Jungkook’s turn. He spun it and you could hear your heart pounding in your ears. It felt as if the bottle was spinning non-stop. Past Emily, past Nichole, past Maddison, past Jimin, past everyone else. Then it stopped, and pointed at you.

You felt your heart speed up. You couldn’t kiss your best friend. It was wrong in so many ways. But the chanting of your names in the background couldn’t go unnoticed. You had no choice but to kiss him. Well, you kind of did but you were hoping that by doing something like this people will start to like you more and not look at you as Jungkook’s best friend. You both sat up and looked each other in the eyes.

Slowly the rest of the world started to silently drift away. You don’t know if it was because everyone around you stopped talking to watch the kiss or because you were to focused on Jungkook and nothing else. His right hand slowly went to up to your caress your cheek while his left hand was on the floor keeping him balanced. You couldn’t help but notice the sparkle in his eyes. The way they traveled from your pupils, to the tip of your nose, and finally landing on your lips. The way his thumb rubbed gentle circles into your cheek leaving a burning sensation wherever it touched. The way he locked eyes with you one last time to make sure he had your permission first.

You noticed that the second you nodded your head giving him permission; he didn’t waste a second to kiss you. The kiss was soft but urgent. Like you both have been waiting for this very moment for so long. Once he broke the kiss, he looked you in the eyes and gave you a look you would never forget. He smirked.

You couldn’t help but shake your head in absolute confusion and utter disbelief. Did he want that kiss to happen? Did he do that because the guys were watching? You didn’t know. The only thing you knew, was that you’ve had a huge crush on your best friend since the very beginning.

Ever since that day he helped you up from the dirty ground when your hands and knees you scraped and bloody. Ever since he told you it was a good idea to co-own a puppy. Ever since the last day of middle school when you took a selfie jumping with glee. These feelings had been hiding ever since the beginning, and Jungkook’s lips was the only thing to break down the barriers and release those feelings.

You didn’t bother to sit back down in the circle. You wanted to go home, needed to go home. You didn’t want to wake up your parents and ask them to pick you up. You also didn’t want to walk through the door and have them ask why you came home. You knew exactly what to do.

Call Jin.

He answered on about the fourth ring. “Hello?” said the course and tired voice from the other line. You felt bad the second you heard him speak because you knew you woke him up.

“Hey Jin. Umm I was wondering if you could pick me up from the party?” You were prepared to literally beg him to come pick you up.

“Whatever. It’s the same house Kookie’s at, right?” You couldn’t believe you didn’t even need to ask twice.

“That is very correct. I will be ready and waiting outside for you to pull up.”

“Loser. I will be there in 10, don’t make me wait.” You couldn’t help but smile widely while you were getting you stuff together and putting your shoes on.

“Y/N? What are you doing?” You have got to be kidding.

“Hey Jungkook, what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean what am I doing here. I was invited” You can see it written all over his cute little bunny face that he was so confused.

“I- I'm just not feeling too well, I'm going home” You couldn’t help the painfully obvious stutter as you lied to your best friend’s face.

“How, it’s a sleep over? Your mom won’t be thrilled if you called her at 1 o’clock in the morning.”

“I already called someone, and they should be here any minute now so you can go back and enjoy kissing those other girls.” What did you just say? You couldn’t stop the words before they came out. Would that be how he found out you liked him? Is that the sentence that would ruin your friendship? Sometimes you felt so very stupid.

“Okay I will.” With that he walked back to continue the game of spin the bottle with a huge smirk on his face. You couldn’t help but stare, eyes wide and mouth agape. You couldn’t help but wonder if that kiss meant nothing to him. As far as you knew that was his first kiss, and it was most defiantly yours.

As you were lost in your dark cloud of thoughts, your phone dinged making you jump a little. It was Jin texting you that he was already there to pick you up. If you were honest, you weren’t expecting him to be here this fast.

You quickly picked your bag off of the ground, slipped on your black and white checkered Vans, and made your way out the door. When you got to Jin’s car, you quickly threw your stuff in the back and climbed into the passenger seat.

“Where to Y/N?” You could still hear the sleep in his voice and see it in his eyes. He was wearing a simple grey Champion hoodie with black Nike joggers. His hair was all messy from sleeping and the moon perfectly aligned his features. You couldn’t lie, Jin was one of the most attractive men you have ever seen, but you prefer guys closer to your age. Plus, you like the younger brother anyway. Hey snap out of it you need to not like your best friend.

“Um, Y/N? Where do you want me to take you because if you don’t speak up, I will take you straight home.”

“Oh, sorry. Can I just crash at your guys’ place? I know Kookie’s not there but I don’t want my parents asking questions and to yell at me for waking you up.” Yes, you were playing the, ‘please don’t rat me out’ card. But you weren’t lying to him so what’s the problem?

“Sure, just sleep in Kook’s bed. You tend to snore sometimes.” He reached over to ruffle your hair with a huge grin on his face

“Hey! I do not snore!” You felt like a 5-year-old throwing a fit with the way you pouted out your bottom lip, crossed your arms over your chest, and sank into the seat.

“Whatever dork. Why do you want to leave early anyways? Did something happen?” You could tell he was genuinely concerned, and he was crazy good at keeping secrets so what was the harm in telling him about your mild crush on his little brother.

“At the party after Jimin’s parents went to sleep we all played spin the bottle and when it was Kookie’s turn I suddenly was really really nervous it would land on one of the other girls and I didn’t know why but then it landed on me and we kissed and now I think I have a moderately huge crush on him that I never realized I had before and I'm kind of freaking out. Don’t tell anybody though please,” You finally took a breath after your long and wordy run on sentence.

“You’re just now realizing?” Jin had a huge smile on his face and was laughing but you had no idea why.

“What do you mean ‘you’re just now realizing?’” You had no idea what he was talking about.

“Y/N you and Jungkook obviously have had huge crushes on each other for like ever. He admitted his to me a while ago.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing and you knew you would ask Jungkook about it the next time you saw him.

“Can you just take me to your place. It’s late and I'm tired,” After your friendly reminder Jin drove off to his house so you could sleep. He didn’t poke and prod at it any more and you were grateful. Jin was the older brother you never had and you were the little sister he always wanted.

When you woke up Jungkook was already there. You told him about how Jungkook told him that he had a crush on you. Jungkook shot you down almost immediately saying it was just a way to attempt to humiliate him. You felt hurt. Your best friend of years and your huge crush basically said it would be humiliating to have a crush on you. Lucky for you, you left very shortly after and spent your weekend preparing for your first year of high school and getting over your crush on Jungkook. Mostly.

****

Your freshman year was chaotic. You and Jungkook had only a few classes together so you almost drifted apart. It didn’t help that ever since the party Jungkook seemed to be hiding something from you. Something big. The only thing that kept you close was soccor and Jin. But after first semester Jungkook started hanging out with seniors and going to parties. You asked to go once, thinking that he would stay by your side and not let you be taken away by some guy you didn’t know. That wasn’t the case.

Once you entered through the doors Jungkook quickly left your side and got drunk. You caught him in a corner making out with a girl you had never seen before. Then you watched as he pulled her away to a room. Your curiosity got the best of you and you followed close behind. After a minute of them being alone in a room you began hearing moans. You were destroyed.

You quickly made your way to the door so you could go back home, when you ran into a very beautiful man. He couldn’t have been much older than you. He had beautiful chestnut hair and two beautiful dimples. You didn’t even bother asking for his name once you saw the mischievous glint in his eye. You let him lead you to a room, know what was going to happen.

That was how you lost your virginity. It wasn’t special liked you hoped it was going to be. You later learned his name was Jaehyun. It didn’t matter because you didn’t plan on talking to him again. Neither of you wanted anything more than sex that night.

You and Jungkook got into a fight one night. You don’t know what happened to start the fight. All you remember is that it ended with both of you in tears and him hugging you like he never wanted to let go. You made up and everything that happened before that was forgotten. Mostly.

You spent the rest of your school years studying hard and getting through all of your actual difficult classes so the only non-elective class you were taking senior year was your English class. Which you had with Jungkook, of course. You spent your summers with him and you both made it into varsity soccor. He knew the truth about your love for soccor when he heard you talking to your mom about it.

You still hadn’t had a boyfriend yet in your sophomore year. You were just too busy with school to actually try to get a dude’s attention, and you said your junior year was going to be different. You would meet a guy, get Jungkook’s approval, fall in love, have the ‘break up talk’ when you sign up for college, and most likely do just that, break up. The only key problem is that whenever you were walking in the halls and saw a cute guy Jungkook would always say he was a dick and that he doesn’t know how to treat a woman. You tended not to ask questions.

But now you were standing in front of your full-length body mirror, smoothing out the wrinkles in your outfit and occasionally touching up your make up or hair. Your first day of senior year outfit was simple but was sure to turn heads. You opted for a tight-fitted white crop top that showed your cleavage, skinny ripped jeans that hugged your ass perfectly that also had a rip under your left ass cheek, and your black heeled Timberland’s. Your hair was perfectly curled and your makeup looked flawless. You asked Jungkook to bring one of his black leather jackets for you to wear over everything. Damn you looked good.

Just as you were shaking out any last nervous jitters you heard a honk, indicating that your best friend was here to pick you up. You quickly grabbed your bag, ran down stairs, and grabbed two slices of toast for breakfast. Saying by to your parents you turned the nob of the door handle and ran out towards Jungkook’s car. As you opened the door to his red convertible, he looked at you and his jaw dropped. You missed the way his eyes scanned your figure and he darted out his tongue to wet his lips. He was eating you up in his mind, hoping you didn’t notice.

“Hey Kookie, do you have the jacket I asked for?” You handed him a piece of toast as your put on your seatbelt, shaking him out of his trance as he gave you said jacket.

“Ready for our first day? You’re going to be turning heads in that outfit,” You missed the way his eyes snuck a glance at your cleavage before driving off.

“I know right. I’ve been single all of high school so far and this year I want that to change.” You had a huge smile plastered across your face as you spoke. “I like your outfit by the way, it’s nice.” He was wearing black skinny jeans, black doc martins, a black tee, and a black faux leather jacket. And because of Jungkook’s new found passion of working out his thighs looked incredible.

“Thanks. Are we still going out to lunch so we don’t need to eat cafeteria food?”

“Duh, what else, and chew with your mouth closed you look like a 7-year-old.” You rolled your eyes and Jungkook did not miss the small and simple gesture.

“Hey! You’re the one who became friends with this 7-year-old.”

“That’s not fair you were an angel sent from heaven, my savior. Now you’re just a jack-ass.

“I know you love me.”

“Jungkook what would you know. At first you thought that 7x7 was 64.”

“Oh my god woman will you just drop that I was in 3rd grade.” You both just laughed at each other’s silly antics from when you were younger until you pulled into the school’s parking lot. The second you stood up and walked over to walk in with your best friend, every one stopped and stared. It felt like one of those dramatic movie scenes where the wind is blowing and everything turns into slow motion while you hear the main characters internal monolog.

“Why is everyone staring at us, is something in my teeth? Did my makeup smudge?” You pulled at the side of his jacket making him lean down so you could whisper in his ear. Just because you were walking in 4-inch heels did not make you as tall as him.

“No dummy. We look like the ultimate power couple right now. The hottest girl and guy in school, of course they’re staring.” You were so busy nodding your head and looking at other people that you didn’t catch the way his eyes fell to the curve of your ass.

You walked into school going to your respectable homerooms, then meeting up in the hall to go to your shared English class. You noticed that the popular girls kept trying to befriend you. You knew it was because you were now a threat and they did not want you to be prom queen. Last year you weren’t but guess who was, Emily. You still didn’t like each other. You don’t know why you didn’t get along but it’s not like you wanted to be her friend or something.

You and Jungkook sat down next to each other talking about how weird the day had been. People were still staring but who could blame them, you both had huge summer glow ups.

When you looked up at the clock hanging above the door, you notice a boy you’ve never seen before. He was incredibly attractive and had a beautiful symmetric face. You felt like you were drooling while you stared at him. Then he looked over at you and smiled. How the hell does a man’s smile look like that. You finally met the man that would actually rival Jungkook’s own good looks.

“Hey can I sit here?” You jumped when he asked the question, not expecting his voice to also sound hot.

“Yeah, Y/N by the way.” You held out your hand for him to take, but instead of shaking it he placed an opened mouth kissed on your knuckles. Wow he was hot. It made your thighs clench. Jungkook just rolled his eyes.

“Taehyung, it’s nice to meet you Y/N.” You were so entranced by this new boy’s handsome good looks you didn’t see the terrifying daggers Jungkook was sending his way. He read him like a book. He would lead a girl on, take her innocence, and then leave her out to dry.

Jungkook didn’t just guess this either, he had Taehyung’s snapchat and snapped him one summer after he saw him at a party. Taehyung had told Jungkook his tactics, and Jungkook even went to his house where he witnessed him use those very tactics.

“There’s a party at my house Saturday night around 10 pm, if you give me your number, I can text you the details and you can come.” You turned to Jungkook giving him hopeful eyes until he sighed and nodded. After all you don’t go to a party without your best friend.

“As long as Jungkook, my best friend since 1st grade might I add, can come with.” You weren’t going without him and that was that. Taehyung agreed without hesitation and you gave him your number. You quickly regretted it though because once he opened his mouth you lost interest extremely quickly.

All he could seem to talk about was all of the girls he’s hooked up with and how he could get any girl he wanted. You knew what he was trying to get at and became bored very fast. You were actually extremely grateful when the class started.

You and Jungkook passed notes the entire time, all about the egotistical boy next to you. And even though you didn’t like him, you would go to his party because you wanted to actually live a little your senior year. But sadly, one potential future boyfriend was out the door and you were back at square one.

The rest of the week passed by fast and because you had mostly easy elective classes you had no homework over the weekend for the first time in years. Which meant you had all sorts of time to party. You texted Jungkook to pick you up at around 9 so you would have time to get ready but still be at the party in time.

****

You woke up around noon on Saturday from your alarm. You didn't wake up because you wanted to but because you didn’t want to ruin the sleep schedule you didn’t even have. Why did you wake up again? Anyways once you woke up from you slumber you texted Jungkook to clear up some last-minute details.

Y/N

are you up yet? I just woke up. why dont I wake up like disney princesses?? I look like a monster :(

Kookie

Disney princesses are pretty thats why you don’t look like them in the morning or ever for that matter

Y/N

stfu your no prince charming either

Kookie

Really? Then why would almost every girl in our school blow me???

Y/N

If thats the case then why don’t you get some so you can stop complaining to me about how horny you always are??

Kookie

Because I have my right eye some one

Y/N

WHO?!?! and why havent I heard about this until now?? and why just your right eye??

Kookie

Because not EVERYTHING is your business smartypants and dont talk about my left eye

Y/N

whatever I will find out about this mystery girl though… MARK MY WORDS!! YOULL BE JUNGSHOOK

Kookie

Whatever you say smartypants whyd you text me anyways?

Y/N

Right! your still picking me up, RIGHT?!

Kookie

Its you’re, but yes I'm still picking you up

Y/N

Good, I will be ready in 3-4 hours :)

Kookie

You do know the party is at like 10 right

Y/N

THEN JUST PICK ME UP AT 10 GOD DAMNIT

Kookie

Not how you spell dammit but alright

Y/N

Stfu english nerd and good bye until 10

With that your conversation with Jungkook ended and you started to binge watch Haikyu!! until around 6. Then you rolled out of bed and started getting ready. You got into the shower, shaving everything. You didn’t know what was going to happen tonight so you figured you would be extra prepared. You even used your exfoliator, if you anyone got to touch you, they would be lucky.

Then you did your hair. You curled it perfectly and then put it in a high pony tail. Perfect party hair in your opinion. Then you did your makeup making sure to keep it simple yet amazing. You opted for a winged liner, perfectly done brows, and dark red lipstick. Lastly was your outfit. Your room was a complete mess after you threw half of your closet onto the floor but your pretty sure you found a great outfit.

You put on your matching set of black lacy lingerie that made your ass look good and your boobs even better. You than grabbed a different white crop top with a dangerously low cut making your black lace peak out from the sides and small booty shorts that barely covered your ass. Then you grabbed the same leather jacket you wore on your first day of school and put on a pair of sneakers. You went to that party with Jungkook once so you knew how crazy and disgusting the ground could be.

By the time you were completely done it was already 8:47. You didn’t think it would take quite that long to get ready but at the same time you did. You were touching up your makeup when Jungkook texted you he was waiting. You didn’t tell your parents about the fact that you were going to a party and they knew that if they saw you dressed the way you were, they would flip. So like any other teen, you made plans to sneak out.

The only person you to actually worry about catching you was your dad because you knew if your mom caught you, she would laugh at you and tell you to have fun. Your dad on the other hand not so much.

Jungkook parked a block down from your house and turned off his car headlights so he wouldn’t be as noticeable. You opened your window as quietly was possible and began to scale your wall. Thankful that your bedroom window was the one closest to the gutter and that you chose sneakers as your shoes. Once you hit the ground safely, you bolted for Jungkook’s car and got in as fast as you could.

“Hey cutie,” Jungkook said wiggling his eyebrows. Luckily for him, his car lights were off so you didn’t catch him gaping at your breasts.

“Sup, you ready to party?” You asked as he turned on the car and started to drive where the GPS told him.

“Yes, now remember no sleeping with some random dude and no drugs”

“Same to you mister”

“Ok so if you want to stay out late text your mom and ask if you can spend the night at my house because my parents are out of town and Jin is going to this food thing with his friends for like three days.” Jungkook said as he merged into traffic.

“Good idea,” You pulled out your phone and texted your mom knowing she would understand much better than your father. “She said that’s fine”.

“Good so if you get hung over you don’t need to try and explain it to your mom,” Damn was Jungkook always this smart, and did he always look this good.

After driving the rest of the way, you pulled into Taehyung’s house and you were awestruck. It was huge and surrounded by hedges. You couldn’t see another house within a mile which was good because that means the cops won’t be called because of noise complaints.

You stepped out of Jungkook’s car and walked into Taehyung’s house immediately being greeted with the smell of alcohol and weed. You quickly got separated from Jungkook and made your way to the kitchen to fill a red solo cup half full with some beer you found and apple juice. You slammed it down, wincing as it made its way down your throat. It wasn’t the best tasting but it was better than the beer by itself.

Once you were done making yourself the same drink again, you made your way outside and found a huge pool with a jacuzzi right by it. You scanned the area, seeing a couple making out in the pool and three boys you didn’t quite recognize playing around in the pool. As you continued looking around taking another sip of your drink you noticed something strange. Standing next to the pool was Jungkook and Emily.

She was twirling her hair in her fingers and giggling while Jungkook looked her up and down smirking the entire time.

You know you’ve been telling Jungkook to get a girlfriend for years now, but you thought he knew you were just joking. For some odd reason you were upset. You didn’t know why at first. Maybe because you didn’t like Emily, maybe because you didn’t want Emily to steal him away from you. You were Jealous. You hated when it hit you like a pile of bricks. But you definitely intended on doing something about it.

You quickly downed the rest of your drink in your red solo cup hoping it would give you more courage, and made your way over to them.

“Hey Jungkook I need to talk to y-,” You were walking towards him and before you knew it you were falling into the pool. Your first thought was that you tripped but when you resurfaced from the water you saw Emily looking at you with a sly grin. All you could do was glare.

“Oops,” Emily snickered as she grabbed out her phone and took several pictures of you. Great now your hot ass makeup and hair was completely ruined. Shit you’re wearing a WHITE shirt and BLACK bra that are now wet. You looked down to confirm it and sure enough your shirt was more than see-through. AND Jungkook’s leather jacket was ruined. At least you wore sneakers.

“What the fuck Emily,” You were startled from your stare down with the girl when you heard Jungkook’s low voice. It was loud and honestly kind of turned you on. Wait you shouldn’t be thinking about your best friend like that. You shook the thought out of your head and looked up at Jungkook. His fists were balled up at his sides and his jaw was clenched. He looked fine as hell.

As you slowly made your way to the side of the pool, he took off his leather jacket and knelt down. Once you got to the side he reached down with both arms, inserted his hands under your armpits, and hoisted you out of the water. He then helped you take off his ruined leather jacket and threw it at Emily. “Happy now?” He then took his perfectly fine leather jacket and draped it over your shoulders instructing you to hold it closed. “Come on let’s go get you cleaned up.” He bent down and whispered it into your ear causing shivers to go down your spin. You could only nod in response.

As he led you towards the doors of the house, he yanked his jacket from Emily’s hand and gave her one of the scariest looks you’ve ever seen. All you did was smirk and stick your tongue out at her like a 5-year-old. You were very satisfied.

He led you through the crowd of people dancing and grinding on each other like they weren’t in a public setting. He then led you to what you assumed was going to be a bathroom but ended up being a bedroom. You couldn’t help but wonder how he knew his way around so well.

When you entered the room, you realized it was huge with a bathroom connected to it. “Why did you take me here instead of a normal bathroom?” You asked.

“Because most likely they are occupied by other people and I don’t really want to walk in on some other couple having sex. Especially when I'm with you.” What was that supposed to mean? “And before you ask how I know my way around, I used to be sort of friends with Tae. I only came here once when he tried hooking me up with some random chick and I guessed I just remembered my way around.” He was so honest so easily.

“Did you do anything with the chick?” You felt stupid the moment you asked.

“What?” You don’t know if he didn’t hear you or what but you still asked again.

“Did you do anything with her, the girl he tried hooking you up with?” You felt pathetic.

“I told you have my right eye on someone else.” He said leading you into the bathroom.

“Who is this lucky girl anyways?” You asked sitting on the sink countertop while you took off Jungkook’s jacket.

He paused, “Let’s just say, I played a game of spin the bottle at Jimin’s house before freshman year started. I kissed her. She was the only person I kissed that night. I realized that I had a massive crush on her but she left and felt hella crushed. I stopped playing and couldn’t help but feel like I was losing her forever. But I still spend all of my spare time with her and I couldn’t ask for a better best friend. Deep down I’m afraid that she will never like me back because of the girls I slept with freshman year but I want her to know that I only did that to try and convince myself that it I wasn’t in love with her. After I found out she slept with some random guy one night at a party that I took her to I came to my senses and let myself love her. I still regret the night I took her to that party because I wish I was the one to get to take her innocence away.”

You looked at him, you mouth agape, “oh” You knew he was talking about you.

You watched his eyes dart down to your lips as his tongue poked out lick his. His hands drifted down and grabbed your waist softly, just in case you wanted to stop him. He slowly leaned down, brushing your hair behind your ear and whispering in a deep raspy tone that made your panties wet, “You can stop me at any time”.

Within moments his soft, plush lips were on yours. Your hands made their way up his back and intertwined into his black curly locks, tugging harshly. Jungkook let out a low groan that made your body hot. One of his hands crept up and lightly brushed against your nipple making you gasp into the kiss. Jungkook didn’t waste any time and immediately his tongue was exploring your mouth.

Once you broke the kiss, gasping for air, Jungkook placed his hands underneath your thighs and picked you up, causing goosebumps to emit across your body. He carried you out of the bathroom, throwing you on the bed. You watched as he took off his shirt and crawled over you. You’ve seen him shirtless many times but this time it was different. You happy felt up his chest and you didn’t have to worry about him questioning you because he was kneeling over you, devouring you with his eyes.

Before you knew it, he was trying to take your shirt off. You gladly assisted him, pulling off your bra along with it. Once it was off and you looked up at him, you felt shy. Jungkook was just staring at your chest and wasn’t saying anything.

“Do you need to make it obvious that you don’t like my boobs?” Your hands went up to cover yourself. You were always insecure about them.

“Your right Y/N I don’t like your boobs; I fucking love them,” He quickly moved your hands away and leaned down. His mouth connected with your nipple, his tongue making your back arch into him. You felt yourself growing wetter by the second. His teeth gently grazed your nipple and you let out a loud whimper. You really hoped your great-grandma wasn’t watching you right now.

He left of your nipple with a pop and kissed his way to your other, leaving small hickeys marking his path. He did the same things to this one. You couldn’t wait anymore and moved your hand down to your core. You needed some sort of friction, but Jungkook’s hand stopped you.

“Ungrateful slut. I’m giving you all of this pleasure and you can’t wait. I want you to ride my thigh and maybe if I like what I see I’ll let you finish more than once tonight,” You looked at him in awe. When the fuck did he learn to talk like that. It was hot as hell but still.

He went and sat on the edge of the bed and looked at you. You werent sure what to do, so he pulled you onto his thigh. You froze up right away. You were straddling his thigh too afraid to do anything. He looked you dead in the eyes as his hands went down to your waist, forcing you to move. Relief flooded you. You were so happy that he finally let you have some sort of friction.

Your hands went to rest on his shoulders so it was easier to hold yourself up. You quickly started doing all of the work. Moving yourself at a fast pace on Jungkook’s thigh. You could feel his hard through his pants and it only made you more needy. He continuously clenched his thigh making you come undone even faster.

“Oh my god Jungkook. I think I'm gonna- I'm gonna cu-,” You let out shaky breath feeling that familiar knot build up in your stomach. Right as you were about to snap Jungkook stopped your hips from moving.

“Did you really think I was going to let you cum already? Go lay down.” You obeyed him quickly, watching as he kneeled down at the end of the bed. He grabbed your pants and with one swift motion slid them off, throwing them somewhere else in the room.

“Fuck Y/N. You’re so wet. I can’t wait to taste you. This good little pussy” He ripped your panties off of you, eliciting a loud groan. You were becoming impatient, squirming in front of him. He used his hand to hold your hips in place, while his other went to rub delicate circles on your clit. You watched as his face dove into you. Licking a stripe up your folds, collecting all of your juices.

“Fuck Y/N. You taste so good.” He groaned out, quickly diving back in. His eyes were blown out in hunger. He moved his hand away from your clit and replaced it with his tongue. Sliding one finger in you, moving at a slow pace and curling it, reaching your g-spot. A loud moan escaped you as you started trying to rock your hips against his face. Interlacing your fingers in his locks.

He pulled away to take a breath, “Do you think you can handle to fingers? Gotta prepare my baby for later. Yeah? I'm gonna stretch you out so good. Gonna destroy this pussy.” With that he inserted a second finger into you, reattacking your clit with his tongue. His pace kept intensifying. You could feel the familiar knot in your stomach build.

“Fuck Jungkook. I'm gonna-,” your words turned into a drawn-out moan when he hummed against your clit.

“Cum for me baby.” At that, the knot it your stomach snapped and relief washed over your body. You tried closing your legs but Jungkook held them open.

Once he was done lapping up all of your juices, he moved up and kissed you, hard. You could taste yourself on his tongue. Your hands made their way down to undo Jungkook’s pants. He broke away from the kiss and stood up, pulling his pants and underwear off in one swift motion.

You stared at his member for a second in awe. You knew he was big, but no that big. The tip was an angry red and you could see the veins. You were growing wetter just thinking about the delicious stretch.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said “I'm gonna have to go in raw.”

You smiled up at him, bucking your hips up towards his hard to get some sort of friction. “I'm on birth control.” That was all you needed to say before he slowly started entering you. The stretch being uncomfortable.

“You okay?” He asked worry on his face. You shook your head, “It’s just, new.”

He smiled, “Just tell me when you’re ready.”

After a moment you shook your head, giving him the okay to start moving again. He slowly pulled out all the way before pushing in again, hitting your g-spot as he did. You could feel the veins on his cock, and your legs wrapped around his small waist as your hands wrapped around his neck.

He slowly started to pick up the pace, pulling out all of the way before pushing back in. It wasn’t long before the pain morphed into pleasure. Moans spilling from your lips. The louder you moaned the faster he went.

“Ha-harder, da-daddy,” you didn’t mean to say it, but when you did his head snapped up.

“Fuck, you’re going to be the death of me.” He starting snapping his hips into yours. You could hear the head board hitting the wall with each thrust but you didn’t mind at all. All you felt was bliss.

“Da-addy I-I'm gonna c-cum.” Your walls started clenching around him.

“Fuck baby, cum. Cum for daddy” With that you did. Your release hit you hard. Your legs shaking as you dug your nails into his back piercing a few layers of his skin. Moaning out his name.

Even after you came, he kept pounding into you, chasing his own high. Beautiful moans escaping his lips as he did. Your moans making him close. His body was coated in a layer of sweat.

“Cum in me daddy. Please. Fill me up.” You choked out as he relentlessly pounded into you.

“Fuck, I'm going to cum.” You tightened around him one last time, feeling as his seed shot into you. You both laid there for a moment. Neither one wanting to leave. You could feel your mixed juicing seeping out of your whole as he began to soften inside you.

He slowly pulled out of you, “You need to go to the bathroom.” He picked you up bridal style from the bed and walked you over to the bathroom. Setting you down on the toilet so you could pee. When you were done, he picked you up and set you on the counter, taking a warm rag and cleaning you off making you sigh at the pleasant feeling. He carried you back to the bed and laid you down, getting into his boxers.

He laid down next to you and covered you both with the blanket, before wrapping his arm around tightly around your waist. His chin on your head as he cuddled you. It wasn’t long before you both drifted off to sleep

****

When you woke up and saw your best friend next to you, sleeping peacefully, you were relieved. Relieved that it wasn’t a dream and relieved that he didn’t up and leave in the middle of the night to leave because he regretted it. You leaned over and draped your arm over his torso and snuggled up to him, resting you head on his arm. He groaned, making you halt your actions.

“Good morning beautiful.” He said with a smile, kissing you on the top of your head.

You smiled happy it was him you woke up next to, “Morning.”

****

A/N: I hope you enjoyed. :) Send any ideas you have for anything. P.S The gif wouldn’t load :( so sorry about that.

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himboarcher · 3 years

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reasons i've seen folks say that grad critics hate grad:

they hate travis (in fairness, i’ve def seen some comments of people shitting on trav for the sake of shitting on trav, but it’s not super common and typically gets downvoted into oblivion on reddit.)

it's not balance / travis isn't griffin (???????)

they hate neurodivergent people (again, in fairness, i have seen a handful of comments that could come across this way! but most of the time when travis being ADHD or his NPD is brought up, it's by defenders saying that criticizing travis is ableist because he's neurodivergent or, in one particular comment, infantilizing him bc of it and literally comparing grad to putting a kid's artwork on the fridge. there were some comments early on that pointed to him being a narcissist as the reason for things people disliked about grad, but everyone seems to have realized that that's a shitty train of thought and left it behind.)

they're just toxic haters (again, there are a small handful of people like this because this is the internet, but the genuine criticism greatly outweighs their bullshit. i 100% think that the people, which is mostly just one dude who is also insufferable on reddit, who have been responding rudely to positive tweets under the episode announcements lately are out of line and need to stop. there's been an influx of that lately, presumably because people are frustrated that after over a year of grad going on, there's been no improvement to most of the major issues. that's still no excuse to be a dick to folks, though.)

vs some of the actual reasons i don't like grad:

the racism / racist tropes, and the way that they’ve straight up ignored this criticism and will likely never acknowledge it. pretty wild considering a core tenet of their brand is their willingness to acknowledge when they’ve messed up and do their best to course correct.

clumsy attempts at inclusion that are shallow and often end up being fairly offensive ("...ask me about my wheelchair," anyone?)

on a related note: i don't think that travis had bad intentions, but as an nonbinary person, it feels othering to me that travis only has enby characters give others their pronouns unprompted. i'm thinking specifically of kai here. having listened to their introduction, i don't think it's as bad or awkward as some people have said, but i can't remember travis ever having another NPC tell the PCs their pronouns, especially not a cis character. it's not a huge deal, but it's something that rubbed me the wrong way. admittedly, i don't think it would bother me so much if travis hadn't dropped the ball so much with performative inclusion in the past.

okay i'm putting the rest under a read more because even without getting into all of the problems i have with it, this got Long.

little to no player agency. player choices are ultimately meaningless and have little to no effect on the world. even when he seems to go along with a plan they come up with, it always ends with them having to go back to travis' pre-written script (see: subpoenaing the xorn, but not really because they had to go with travis' original plan of "send the xorn home through the rift".) the players repeatedly get told things about what they think or feel or what they've been doing to an unnecessary degree. fitzroy is the only one who really gets space to play and decide things for himself, and that's only because travis has decided he's the main character.

the NPCs are all too nice and willing to give the PCs anything they ask for and more, unless the PCs are trying to follow their own plan and then the NPCs are completely useless. but honestly, aside from gray, all of the NPCs are just.... nice. travis refuses to even let his antagonists be mean or cruel or even more than just slightly rude, because that'd be a bummer and we don't want that! the "twist" of gordy the lich king actually being polite and chill is not a twist at all because everyone is like that in this world. the NPCs are also wildly overpowered, but then suddenly absolutely useless when the PCs actually want their help.

too many cliffhangers that are dropped immediately at the beginning of the next episode. i feel bad for travis because so many of these cliffhangers actually set up good momentum and seemed like things were gonna get interesting, but almost every single time he just dropped them at the beginning of the next episode. like when althea showed up to interview the boys and the next episode started with travis being like "actually you went to sleep, she said she'll be back tomorrow!"

that time travis specifically said in his exposition dump that the thundermen left their horses behind because they thought the centaurs might be offended by them riding horses, only to later on rag on them for being surprised that the centaurs had horses they could ride.....

also the centaur arc in general, but i already listed racism above, so.

the way that the toxic positivity and parasocial tendencies in the mcelroy fandoms have made a large portion of the fandom take ANY criticism as a personal attack on travis and/or on themselves for enjoying something others consider bad, either morally or just quality-wise. it’s okay to admit that something you like has problematic elements or just isn’t as good as it once was. you can and should engage critically with the media you consume.

related to above: the way travis has handled genuine criticism, which is to throw public tantrums on his twitter or make weird passive aggressive tweets & ultimately ignore all the genuine criticism and advice he's been offered by claiming it's all subjective, even after he specifically asked for it and set up an email for folks to send in genuine, objective advice for him (after he threw a tantrum on twitter and replied to someone's criticism publicly, which resulted in his followers dogpiling on that person bc how dare they insult their internet best friend). while i was writing this last night, he actually announced that he’s taking a break from Twitter and acknowledged that he’s been using it as an echo chamber where he can easily get validation from folks, and honestly i’m happy for him that he’s recognized this problem and is stepping away for a while! i hope he’ll genuinely use this time to reflect on how he’s been behaving and find a more healthy way to use social media. i’m leaving this point in because i think his Twitter being such a positive echo chamber was encouraging him to do stuff like this, and him somewhat acknowledging his behavior doesn’t mean it can no longer be discussed.

rainer. extremely cool concept in theory and i was very into it until that awkward "does anyone want to ask about my wheelchair?" moment. also when travis had her use her mobility aid to RAM INTO A DOOR instead of just fucking knocking???? also all the times travis has tried to force a romantic relationship between her and fitzroy, despite fitzroy displaying no interest in her in that way. also, just to clarify: as an ace person, i don’t think this is aphobic! (and it’s kind of a stretch to call it that imo, especially since griffin never explicitly said that fitzroy's aromantic!) i just think it’s weird and awkward and a little uncomfortable for me personally, mostly because it reminds me of the times i’ve been in similar situations.

less of a problem than a lot of the other stuff and more just bad writing, but the forced emotional moments. in general, nothing in grad feels earned (why are the boys heading a war? when they have multiple actual heroes with combat experience on their side and a supposedly powerful secret organization? and the thundermen are like 21 years old max and have only had like ~10 fights in the entire campaign?) but there've been a couple times where travis has tried to force unearned emotional moments, presumably because he knows people enjoyed those with the last campaigns. but the difference is that in balance, the big emotional moments happened because they were earned. in grad, it's just travis throwing a baby pegasus at us for a few minutes and then the next time she shows up, it's supposed to be a tearful goodbye.

there are absolutely no stakes. remember when the thundermen got told that if they left, gray would kill 10 students? and then they left and came back and it turns out that what gray actually meant was, "i'll tie ten students who are mostly nameless NPCs to a tree and throw some dogs at them that you can easily stop in time, then throw a tantrum because how dare you but i'll leave before you can really do anything to hurt me lol" travis did have fitzroy's magic get taken away, but like. it didn't really do anything? also all he had to get it back was be coerced into using drugs by an authority figure and trip in the woods?

we're told that the school is weird and the hero system is corrupt, but the world of nua is still presented as more of a liberal utopia than anything? althea getting fired because of a corrupt villain is the only time we've somewhat seen corruption, but even then, she was still allowed to get (what seems to me, anyway, but admittedly i don't know for sure bc nothing about the HOG makes much sense) a fairly important job from the very people who stripped her of her hero license or whatever the fuck heroes need?

travis doesn't actually seem to understand how capitalism or bureaucracy works and just chalks up everything to "red tape." also more on the rest of the boys than him specifically, but the "let's destroy capitalism!" thing turning into just pushing some filing cabinets over................... okay.

and one last piece of extremely subjective criticism: it's just kind of.... boring. i think a lot of people, myself included, would be willing to overlook 90% of the problems with graduation if it didn't feel like such a slog to get through.

also people saying that we can't or shouldn't criticize graduation because it's "free" is absolutely absurd for several reasons. first, something being free does not make it above criticism. second, there ARE people who directly financially support the show with monthly donations. three, there's a difference between something being free and something being not for profit. podcasting is their full time job. they make their living off of money made from TAZ and MBMBAM (and probably their other shows to a lesser extent). this not a fun home game that they are graciously recording and sharing with us. it is a product they are producing that they make money off of, both from ads in the episodes and merch & books based off of these podcasts. they have marketed themselves as professionals, and both griffin and travis have been on panels where they are marketed as professional DMs and appear alongside other professional DMs (which makes it incredibly frustrating when people say that travis is just a newbie DM and we can't criticize him because of that. if he's a newbie, then he should not be taking part of panels as a professional DM where he speaks as an expert). TAZ is free in the same way that an episode of NCIS is free. i may not pay for it directly, but the creators are paid to create it and profit off of me consuming this product. so saying we should be grateful for any mcelnoise that the benevolent good boys share with us and that we're not allowed to criticize it "because it's free" is absolutely wild.

#negativity cw #i guess #anyway this is not meant to say that you cannot enjoy grad.#but i'm tired of folks on this website acting like there aren't genuine problems with it #and saying that people just dislike it bc they hate travis etc etc #taz graduation #i genuinely don't expect anyone to read this bc it's so long #but here ya go.#long post

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bondsmagii · 3 years

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omg you read we need to talk about kevin? what did you think? i went through a whole range of emotions, most of them bitter & negative, bc i saw too much of my mum & brother in eva & kevin, something i’m still working through. i started off hating eva bc i projected my resentment towards my mum onto her, but i found myself sympathising with her a bit more towards the end. it’s helped me sympathise a bit with my mum too. this book has probably had the most lasting effect on me than any other!

man, I love that book. I first read it years ago and liked it then, but I recently reread it and I loved it even more. it's such a brilliant book -- profoundly uncomfortable and incredibly bleak, but I think it asks so many important questions that, face it, most people are too scared to even acknowledge. it simultaneously asks the huge taboo of a question -- what if you regret having your child? what if a child is just born bad? -- and also combines it with that other big question: why do kids shoot up their schools? the nature vs nurture debate has been absolutely raging for years regarding children who commit violence at school; as someone with an academic interest in this particular crime, it's one I've banged my head up against multiple times. people seem to always be firmly in one camp: the parents are to blame, or the kid is just evil. nobody seems to consider the interaction between these two things, and how it's always ultimately a choice.

the book is a pretty intense read for me, as I'm sure you can relate. the difference is that while you can see your mother and brother in Eva and Kevin, I actually see myself and my mother in Eva and Kevin. I was an unwanted and a resented child. my parents did not want to have me. I was what my parents referred to as "a surprise", said in the same tone as you would describe a sudden house fire as a surprise, or bad news at work as a surprise. the major difference between my parents and Eva and Franklin was that they had me very young (they would have been 19 and barely 20 when they found out, and 20 and barely 21 when I was born) and this most certainly added to the resentment. my father was always away for work, often getting to go to some pretty interesting destinations; my mother wanted to be the kind of woman who wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, but she hated it. like Eva and Kevin, my mother and I were very, very alike in personality and what we did and did not want out of life, and we were engaged in some level of warfare for my entire childhood. while I wasn't quite on the level of Kevin in terms of blinding my siblings and whatnot, I was quite the terror as a child. by the time I reached my teenage years I was uncontrollable and my parents had given up trying. I could not be punished. I did not care. any punishment they did hand out, I was maliciously compliant to the point of infuriation. I'm sure my parents could argue that I was born evil, and indeed that's what they told the extended family. I admit I was not an easy child. however -- I was a child.

I did not ask to be born, and when my parents made the choice to have me and then resent my existence, that was on them. a child knows. a child can tell when he's not wanted, when he's an inconvenience. I knew it very well, from an early age. my parents' resentment of me resulted in them abusing me right up until I left home. I was like an unwanted pet, except they couldn't dump me off at a shelter. no, they never laid a finger on me physically, so they can claim they didn't abuse me -- but emotionally and psychologically they were abusive, and especially in my teenage years, they neglected me severely. (think along the lines of being left at home alone for extended periods with no food, no money, and no way to get supplies as we lived in rural Ireland and the closest supermarket was 30 minutes away. this was not something they did out of malice, but rather something they did because they did not consider me at all. they forgot my existence, most of the time, or they deemed me so inconsequential that making provisions for me was a task that could be forever put off.) understandably this made me hate them in return, and I took great pleasure in being a little shit. it was all I had. nature vs nurture, which is it? my parents weren't exactly nurturing, and they taught me very bad behaviour -- but at the same time from the moment I was born I had my mother's personality, predisposing me to being a little shit. even now, grown up and after many years of working on myself, I still find myself fighting the urge to be as cruel and as judgemental as she could be; likewise I see those positive qualities she had, that she could have shown more of if she had put the work in like I had. we went from being furious carbon copies of one another to an example of the best and the worst case scenario.

basically what it comes down to is choice. Kevin and I had a similar situation going on, but Kevin chose to try and find what he was looking for in mass murder, and I chose to try and find it by getting out of my house and never returning. I mentioned earlier that I have an academic interest in the kind of crime that Kevin committed; since the age of 17 I have been researching these things, and now have expertise in several specific incidents. I bring this up to illustrate that this crime was on my radar when I was around Kevin's age, when I was suffering from the same problems as he was. thousands of kids find themselves in this position, yet so relatively few commit the act. why? it's choice. nature, nurture -- it doesn't matter. there comes a point where you have to make the choice, and honestly? it's chaos theory, baby.

as well as researching this kind of thing I'm also an amateur meteorologist. I love weather. I love trying to work out what makes it tick. and weather is a good example of what I'm trying to say here. weather cannot be predicted. we can get decent ideas, but at the same time we never really know for sure and also weather acts differently every time. there are too many variables. it's the entirety of the earth's atmosphere we're talking about here. identical weather conditions can arise time and time again, and each time the weather is different. a sunny afternoon one day is a washout the next. this is because -- and I broadly sum it up here -- there are so many tiny variables that we cannot possibly predict how they will change the weather. and I mean it's tiny variables. I'm sure you've heard of the butterfly effect -- this comes from the idea that a butterfly somewhere on the coast of Africa can flap its wings, and this tiny reverberation can spread through the atmosphere, creating a bigger and bigger ripple, until a hurricane smashes into the Gulf of Mexico. tiny atmospheric changes all interacting in ways we cannot imagine. this is why some kids shoot up schools. it's easy to look at psychology broadly, but no two people are ever the same. siblings growing up in the exact same house are not the same. identical twins, genetically identical to their very DNA, are not the same. tiny, tiny events, microdoses of chemicals in the brain, exposures -- they all change us in subtle ways. two people -- Kevin and I -- can grow up with almost identical familial issues and outlooks, but Kevin shoots up his school and I study my ass off and get myself to university to escape my parents. why? I don't know. I don't know what tiny little things might influence me one way and another kid in the other. personality, brain chemistry, waking up that morning and having enough or not -- I don't know. it's chaos theory. the variables are too small to say. nature vs nurture are only two variables out of millions. it's an oversimplification.

so to go back to the book -- who do I blame? neither of them. it was a perfect storm. we could say Eva didn't help, but I know of plenty of kids with decent parents who still committed such a crime. we could say that Kevin was just born bad, but there are plenty of people with his resentful outlook on life who don't commit mass murder, or any harm against anyone whatsoever. it's like how every tornado comes from a supercell, but not every supercell will spawn a tornado -- that final genesis point is unknown to us. we just can't predict it. there are no easy answers. there is no simple formula. we just don't know, and that's what makes Kevin's story -- and its real-life counterparts -- so terrifying.

#sorry for going off but this combines two (2) of my Major Academic Niches so you got the full 1hr lecture with slideshow i'm afraid #anon #asks

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local-starry-catboi · 3 years

Text

Right or Wrong Challenge

Introduction

I had stumbled upon this challenge after seeing it pinned at the top of the One Piece Amino featured page back in April 2019. It was the first challenge I entered after actually becoming active. I decided to polish this blog a little (aka match the formatting to Tumblr, hope I don't fuck up-), to post it here as well •^•

Decided to pick the imagine-yourself-as-marine-so-which-justice-do-you-follow-for-reasons question the leaders of this challenge set up. On the one hand because it seemed interested, on the other hand because it looked like it might be one of the easier questions to answer for my 🍞 brain. After typing out everything though, I can say that it's actually tougher than it looked like at the first glance to be honest. Especially not deciding what justice and why..

The challenge question set up was

"If you were a marine, whose justice would you follow and why? Or do you have your own sense of justice? If so, explain."

Definition(s) of Justice

Many people define justice by other things, like how they know it, how they feel about it, if it's important or not, what makes a decision just or unjust.

That leads us to a spot where there are a few points to consider. So first off, it makes sense to start by breaking up the meaning of justice using three methods.

First option:

"Justice [noun], coming from the Latin word 'justitia'; refers to just behaviour or treatment, the quality of being fair and reasonable as well as the administration of the law or authority in maintaining this." - Oxford Dictionary.

Second option:

"Justice, at it's base, means 'to be just, fair'. Most commonly however, the meaning of justice is to punish a criminal that has done something wrong in a suitable manner that fits their crime." - One Piece.

Third option:

"[...] Justice will prevail, you say? But of course it will! Whoever wins this war becomes justice!" - Doflamingo during the Paramount War.

So far:

Firstly, to sum up: In the end, the first two definitions go hand-in-hand with each other. The definitions of justice are in some thing close to each other and in some things they are far apart from each other. On the whole this means that even though they both use different words, are the same in the end of the day.

Secondly, hence the Marine is actually the "good" fraction in One Piece whereas the pirates are the actual antagonists, they have to shoulder and act out their role as eyes and sword of the law, judging over those who were unjust towards the law due to criminal activities.

Thirdly, the way Doffy looks at justice is also interesting though, hence he points at the fact that those with the great power usually decide what justice is. This way the stronger fraction also decides what is right and what is wrong. I wanted to put him into this as well because his viewpoint is interesting, too, even though he's not a Marine.

But now let's get back to the topic, shall we~?

Lastly: Moreover, every single one of the forms of justice has its right and a good reason to exist. Why you ask? Because not every living being thinks the same way like another. Even animals seem to possess another sense of righteousness and justice as humans - in addition, they differ from animal to animal as well. The effect of this is that Kuzan's statement he gave to Jaguar D. Sauro back then, that "The thing called 'justice' changes its shape... Depending on where you stand." is true, too. As a result, every form of justice is true - only depending on from which side you look at it.

Despite this freedom of opinion like with this topic, the Marines' general way of justice can be looked at as some sort of 'ridding the world from everything evil existing there".

Types of Justice

Since there are multiple types of justice given in the world of One Piece, lead by the Admirals, the CP9 and other Marines, I'll explain each of them.

Akainu's Absolute Justice:

His motto regarding the Absolute Justice is the "Thorough Justice". He seems to stick to this doctrine as close as possible, yet seemingly does not to mind going against it on the other side, judging by how he reacts to Coby, deserters, pirates and the likens. If Sakazuki comes up with any issues regarding illegal activities, I believe it's better to rethink these choices and to put in at least a bit of benevolence. It's an efficient option to differenciate well between those who can be taken down without major consequences or remorses and those who can "stay".

Lucci's Dark Justice:

Supposedly the CP0's kitty cat can be compared to Batman - to a certain degree at least. He bases his sense of justice on his own personal philosophy of "Neccessary Evil". Thus, he only destroys those who go against the interests of the World Government to defend them ( = the interests). For this, he himself becomes evil to support his ideals. Besides the fact, that he doesn't seem to care much about it, possibly comes from the WG deciding what justice is for him and the other CP agents. Thus, this results in him having his reasons for choosing this type of justice.

Aokiji's Lazy Justice:

The Lazy Justice (before it was the Burning or Fired Up Justice) is the rather laid-back opposite of the Thorough Justice in my eyes. It underlines his lack of interest and relaxed attitude towards many things as long as he doesn't think about a situation worthy enough for him to intervene. This is part of Moral Justice, thus acting according to it when it's needed. It shows well how he doesn't care about much that happens around him besides the complexity of his character. The Lazy Justice could be a sign to point out that it doesn't always need a ruthless man leading the sword of justice, but can also take a more relaxed but equally capable.

Fujitora's Blind Justice:

Besides the Moral or Virtuous Justice type of motto Isshō follows, he sticks to his own ideals instead of the Marine's Absolute Justice doctrine. He acts according to what he thinks to be morally fine like bringing those to justice who act without moral or anything. All this is underlined by the fact that he took his own eyesight to never see the unjustice of corruption done otherwise. This way Fujitora goes as far as taking responsibilites onto himself which other members of the Marine wouldn't have had to take otherwise if they were in his shoes.

Kizaru's Unclear Justice:

As its name states and how he possess a neutral attitude towards the Absolute Justice, it's somewhat unclear, how to define his type of justice. Except for the fact that it's mercy what he lacks, he doesn't really show a lot of passion or anything to pursue justice most of the time, however. If things restrain him from achieving his goal he only gets slightly annoyed and that's it, unlike Sakazuki for example.

Smokers' Eat Shit Justice:

He follows his own path of justice, unlike the majority of his colleagues do. Out of most of the Marine, he appears to be the most "normal" out of the bunch. Smoker seems to act on some sort of "be nice to me or I'll kill you" codex, like it was shown back during the Alabasta Arc for example. His Eat Shit Justice may be one of the more humane types of justice. After all though you shouldn't get on his bad side then or it surely will be over as soon as it is like with the other types of justice.

Conclusion Time

Now, to the interesting part. Whose justice would I and why?

That's actually a really tough decision. I had to think a lot between three types of justice, yet all of the ones mentioned above have their pros and cons. Eat shit, Lazy and Blind were the ones I couldn't choose between first.

But behold.. In the end I came to my current point: By a high chance I would follow Smoker's ideals of justice - as long as I understood and interpreted it correctly and not completely wrong, of course.

Why I chose his one over the others, you want to know?

The answer is simple. It's partially a thing of good education, I suppose. My landlords (called ✨ parents ✨ by some others) always said I have to be nice to others unless they become rude, there's the point then to just go out of their way. Just a typical thing every little kid hears, one day after another, so nothing special. Over the last few years however (to be exactly back when I came into 5th grade, middle school), I kind of accustomed myself to not always just take diverse comments, rude behaviour and all the likens because not all of the other students of my year were nice. Since then I decided to not take shit from most others who are constantly rude and toxic, especially for no reason. That's the reason why I follow the motto of "Be nice to me and I'm nice to you. Be, constantly, a bitch to me and I'll bitch back so eat shit, you idjit.".

Outroduction

Yee, so that was the blog •3• I surprisingly won with it, although it was the first one I had ever written, I've linked the original post from OPA. Looking back now, it sort of feels like a very lame, plain and boring character analysis and by now, I'd put far more effort into it.

Credits

Treasure Cruise renders on the dividers by KaizokuJotei on DeviantArt, and edited in PicsArt.

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naruto--imagines · 3 years

Text

Educating

Kakashi x Reader

The clock slowly rolled to 4:00, you closed your laptop, stuffed it into your bag and gathered your items turning off the light as you left. You strolled down the hallway and walked into another room, closing the door behind you. Turning to face the man in the room you made eye contact before scrunching your face and shouting,

“FUCK”. Short and not so sweet.

“Really?” Kakashi questioned raising a brow at you.

“These kids, man, they are just so stupid sometimes. Like, fuck!” You rushed out before walking over and leaning against his desk. “Five years of school to be a glorified babysitter with a degree.” You sighed earning a chuckle from the man sitting down.

“Yeah, we knew it was going to be rough.” He replied gathering his own items to leave. “But hey, it is Friday, meaning we don’t have to see the little snots for two whole days. So let’s go and enjoy that.” Kakashi explained with a smile, “There is a handful of us going out to the bar tonight, care to join us?” He asked.

“Hell yeah I would,” you replied walking out of the classroom with Kakashi following you. After locking up his room the two of you made your way to the parking lot going your separate ways for the time being.

“Were gonna meet up at 7:00, I’ll see you there,” Kakashi said before getting in his car and leaving. You quickly packed your items into the trunk of your car and left you your own apartment. When you got home you quickly fed your dog, a small terrier mutt, and pulled out your laptop to finish grading some of the assignments you hadn’t gotten to earlier. Soon it was 5:30 and you decided to be done for the night.

You made your way to your bedroom and decided on an outfit more suited to hanging out with your colleagues than teaching, and jumped in the shower for a quick rinse. After you got ready you headed out to meet up with everyone. When you got to the bar, you saw many of your fellow teachers there. Sitting at a hightop in the back corner of the bar was Kakashi, Yamato, and Gai. Seeing an available open seat, you went and joined the three of them and not long after you ordered your go-to alcoholic beverage.

The night progressed, music playing, stories were told, frustrations expressed,

“I mean, whoever told these kids that always choosing C is a good idea for multiple-choice should be beaten.” Yamato slurred as he rested his elbow against the table to lean in closer to the rest of you.

“I know! They don’t understand that technique is supposed to be used on the SAT. Not in our classes!” You responded looking over at Tenzo.

“It got so bad in my classroom that I ended up giving a test where all of the answers were wrong. The only one who passed was Sakura, and that’s because she actually read all of the instructions.” Kakashi explained with a sigh of disappointment. At his confession, you and Yamato looked at each other before looking back to the silver-ette and saying in unison,

“Sadist”

“Hey now, I didn’t put their results in the grade book, it was just to be used as an eye-opener for them.” He reasoned, you and Yamato gave him an incredulous look. “Fine, I made them take the test’s home to their parents and required a signature.”

Now Gai had joined in on your stares of disbelief before all three of you uttered, “Sadist!” With more volume than the previous time. The four of you quickly devolved into laughter at the resounding responses.

The night went on and you eventually found yourself on the dance floor with Yamato. The two of you were dancing and chatting for almost an hour before you both decided to head back to the table. The night was winding down as the two of you sat back down with Gai and Kakashi. Your other peers had called it a night and left. The four of you had collectively decided to do the same thing and headed for the door. Once outside Yamato had confessed to being ready to call it quits wanting to escape to his bed. With it being almost 2 am, Gai volunteered to walk with him since his place was near Yamato’s leaving you and Kakashi by to amuse yourselves.

You watched as your two friends walked off before looking at Kakashi and saying, “Tacos?” with a smirk on your face. Looking back at you he quickly nodded his head, ready to have some food in his stomach to combat the alcohol. Side by side, you walked to the nearest Taco Ring to get your food. Once the both of you had your orders you bumbled your way back to Kakashi’s place. This was routine for the two of you after a night of drinking.

Once inside, Kakashi locked the door while you turned the TV on and changed it to the true-crime channel. Kakashi joined you on his couch as you pulled the food out of the bags. He pulled his mask away from his face, having grown used to your presence he didn’t care if you saw his face or not. You both dove into your food watching whichever show was playing and when you had finished you quickly cleaned up the garbage. After you sat back down on the couch Kakashi turned to look at you.

“Can I ask you a question?” He asked, orienting his body to face you and prop his head upon his hand resting on the back of the couch.

“Shoot,” You replied turning to face him, you drew your knees up towards your chest and wrapped your arms around them.

“You wouldn’t happen to be romantically interested in Yamato, would you?” Kakashi posited with a twitch of his lip.

“HA!” You blurted out, “No way!” with a laugh.

“Really? From the way you two were dancing, I would have thought so.” Kakashi responded With a smile and a raise of his eyebrow.

“No way, Yamato and I have no romantic interests in each other. In college, we used to be each other’s go-to’s when the need arose,” you explained with a wink “But we kept the emotions out of it seeing as there really wasn’t time to date with all the work we had to do.”

“You and Tenzo were friends-with-benefits? Now, why do I find that hard to believe?” Kakashi asked with a disbelieving look to which you laughed again.

“It’s true! You can ask him yourself!” You exclaimed with a blush on your face while smiling at the silver-haired man.

“And what about now?” Kakashi asked with a bit of hesitation in his voice.

“Now?” You asked in response.

“Are you and Tenzo still sleeping with one another?” He directly asked. Not accusatory in any way but with genuine curiosity.

“No, just friends now.” You replied with a smile.

“Good, because it may be awkward if I asked you out while the two of you were a thing,” Kakashi said with a smirk. That put a bright blush on your face.

“Y-you wanna ask me out?” You dumbly asked while pointing at yourself.

“I think I just did,” Kakashi replied while moving into your personal space. “The real question is, what do you say?” He asked his face meer inches from yours.

“I say yes!” You replied leaning in to press your lips to his. You rushed movements sent the two of you tumbling back into the other end of the couch. Kakashi wrapped his arms around your waist and held you to him while kissing you back.

The two of you broke apart with smiles on your blush decorated faces.

“How long have you wanted to ask me out?” You inquired of the man below you.

“For some time now, but the timing was never quite right,” Kakashi explained running his hands through your hair. You purred as a result and nuzzled your face into his chest.

“I’m glad you did, now we have to go on an actual date and not just out with all our friends.” You told him with a smile on your face.

“How about breakfast tomorrow?” Kakashi asked brushing a piece of hair behind your ear.

“What time?”

“Whenever we wake up. Stay the night and we can go in the morning.” You smiled at the proposal and nodded your head.

“Sounds good to me.” You confirmed with him.

The two of you got changed into some cozy clothes (Kakashi letting you borrow a shirt and some shorts) before moving back out to the couch to continue watching TV. Snuggling underneath a blanket he grabbed, the two of you quickly fell asleep.

Both of you excited about your date in the morning.

#Kakashi #kakashi hatake #kakashi x reader #naruto oneshot #naruto #naruto shippuden #naruto x reader

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wozwaid · 3 years

Text

Choose Your Own Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: I "Cattivi Ragazzi" Con I Cuori Buoni

yes I speak a little italian (not well but i still know some things plus i mainly understand it cuz i speak spanish)

if you speak italian, just pretend like you dont for a sec lmao

you guys are good students for wanting to get your homework i deadass wouldve just went to the sports room to meet my homies oilakmwfeds but we’ll meet them later (possibly)

title translation: the “bad boys” with good hearts

lets get it

masterlist

YOU CHOSE: GO TO THE TEACHERS!

Despite wanting to get some much needed rest, you drag your feet towards the school building to retrieve your homework from the classes you missed. You spot Rohan in the courtyard. He looks up from his sketchpad to see you staring at him, resulting in him scoffing and looking back down at the paper. You roll your eyes, making your way to your classes (with help, of course). After 45 minuets of going class to class and apologizing to your teachers and lying explaining why you missed your first day, you finally make it to your final class.

You aren’t sure why, but you felt compelled to take Italian. After all, it is one of the languages of love, and your lonely ass could really use some loving (in the least sexual way possible cuz no). Upon opening the door, you realize the class was pretty much empty. There are no teachers or students in the room, which you deem odd considering the fact that it is currently office hours. You’re about to turn around and leave when you bump into someone behind you, causing them to drop whatever they were holding. You down to see a boy around your age picking up the now broken pieces of a flowerpot.

“Holy shit! I’m so sorry!” You gasp, crouching down to help him clean up. You see him holding the flower that was in the pot, almost cradling it as if it were a child. Your heart squeezes at this sight. ‘ohmyfuckinggodhesadorable’. You shake your head at the thought, trying to focus on cleaning.

“Mi dispiace, avrei dovuto cercare dove stavo andando. Volevo solo mettere questo fiore vicino alla finestra in modo che potesse ottenere un po 'di luce” He chuckles, looking at you with a kind smile.

“....huh?”

Sure, you signed up to take Italian, but you didn’t think that the people in your grade would be so advanced already! You begin to regret skipping classes today until he speaks up. “Ah! Force of habit. I’m from Italy so my go to language is Italian. I’m still getting used to having to speak English. (just pretend) My name is Giorno Giovanna and I’m a freshman. Nice to meet you!” He says, extending his hand out to you. “Y/N L/N! Nice to meet you too, Giorno!” You shake his hand. “Oh by the way... what was it you were saying before?” You asked. “I just said that I wanted to put this flower by the window so it could get some light and I wasn’t watching where I was going. Sorry about that!” He says. You continue having a friendly conversation with Giorno before you realize that office hours had ended.

“Look at the time! It’s already 6:00.” He sighs, clearly sad that the conversation had ended. You’re upset too! You enjoyed talking to Giorno. As if on cue, your stomach growled loudly, resulting in Giorno turning his attention back to you. “Are you hungry?” He asks, like it isn’t the most obvious thing in the world. “Yeah, I am. I didn’t have a chance to eat lunch.” You sigh, upset because this school is supposed to have some of the best food. “Do you want to come with me to the cafeteria to have dinner with some of my friends? I promise they’re nice.” He offers. You immediately agree, because who would decline good food?

When you arrive at the cafeteria, you realize that it’s strangely empty. You overhear some of the younger students whispering about a supposed “gang” being inside. You’re a little frightened, but you see that Giorno remains the unbothered king that he is, so your nerves are settled. You spot a group of boys sitting at a table at the far end of the room. You follow Giorno as he walks over to them. A boy who appears to be a sophomore’s face lights up when he sees Giorno walking towards them. “Giorno! Non ti ho visto tutto il giorno!” Giorno! I haven’t seen you all day! Giorno clears his throat, gesturing to you, implying that you don’t speak Italian. “Oh ok! Hi, my name is Narancia Ghirga and I’m a sophomore. Nice to meetcha!” He beams, looking up at you from his chair. You go around the table, meeting the rest of the group. There was a man who had an irrational fear of the number four named Mista, a guy who was dressed like a piece of cheese named Fugo, an emo bitch who didn’t like Giorno named Abbacchio, and a guy who somehow reminds you of your mother named Bucciarati. There was a girl that was supposed to be there too but she couldn’t make it.

You get your food and sit back down at the table where you’re faced with a heated debate between Narancia and Fugo about the answer to a math problem that they were working on. Narancia said the answer was D, none of the above, to which Fugo tried to explain that it wasn’t a multiple choice question. You laughed along with the rest of the group before you feel a shiver go down your spine. You turn around to see a group of girls glaring at the people at your table. “Hey... I’ve been meaning to ask. What’s with this ‘gang’ that everyone is talking about?” You question, looking to Bucciarati for an answer. He sees how serious you look and pauses. You begin to expect the worst before he begins to laugh, the rest of the boys joining in.

“Y-you really believe that stuff?” Narancia asks between breaths from laughing so hard. “Y/N, we aren’t a gang! Everyone just kinda assumed we were mafioso when we arrived at this school. If you’re looking for a group of bad boys, you’re with the wrong group of people.” Fugo chuckles.”Although La Squadra could be considered a gang, pieces of shit.” Abbacchio mutters. “What was that?” You ask, turning to face Abbacchio. “Forget it. It’s not important. I’m going to the dorms to get some rest. See you guys around” He says, getting up from the table. The rest of the boys excuse themselves as well, leaving you and Giorno alone at the table.

“I had fun with you Y/N! The guys seem to really like you.” Giorno says with a smile, picking up his dishes and clearing them. “I had fun too! I hope we see each other soon!” You exclaim. “I’m going to go back to the dorms now. Do you want me to walk you there? I’m assuming you don’t know where you’re going.” He says, lightly chuckling. You giggle with him. “Yeah, I have no clue where the dorms are.” You say, slightly embarrassed. “So do you want me to take you there?” He asks, again.

“umm....”

MAKE YOUR CHOICE!

1. GO WITH GIORNO

2. GO BY YOURSELF

COMMENT YOUR CHOICE IN THE COMMENTS! HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER!

xoxo, dylan!

#choose your own jojos bizarre adventure #jonathan joestar x reader #joseph joestar x reader #jotaro kujo x reader #josuke higashikata x reader #giorno giovanna x reader #jolyne kujo x reader #johnny joestar x reader #josuke 8 x reader #narancia x reader #fugo x reader #abbacchio x reader #mista x reader #bucciarati x reader #jjba x reader #vento aureo x reader

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all-my-love-for-harry · 4 years

Text

I should’ve kissed you.

Summary: Perhaps is never too late to chase after the love of your life.

Word count: 5.8k

a/n: i don't have anything against camille, i don't know her and couldn't care less about her but she was the last person harry dated so to make it accurate i used her for the timeline.

you can find the rest of my masterlist here.

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

Friends that could've been more if only destiny wasn't against them. More often than not, we find ourselves thinking about the 'what if's in life, trapped in a living fantasy of what our lives could be if only we'd play of cards right.

For some, the universe isn't entirely against them. Like it's the case of Harry, someone who was able to achieve things he'd never thought he would. Someone who, at plain sight, had everything a person could've ever asked for.

Money, fame, status. You name it, he has it. What nobody told him, was how lonely it could get once you've reached the top. You have millions of hearts beating just for you, but the only want you really desire.

Y/N and Harry met when they were six years old. Harry pushed her by accident in the playground, what resulted in her falling facedown to the floor. The then little boy felt so bad when he saw her knee bleeding even though she had told him it was fine. Ever since that day, Harry never left Y/N's side, following her like a shadow.

Harry wasn't by any means a shy child, however he didn't have a lot of friends besides Y/N, claiming he didn't need anyone else as long as he had her.

From playing in the playground every day, to playdates in each other's houses, to dates in the park. They spent their childhoods together at all moments.

When their children's phases were over and they no longer played hide and seek in Anne's living room or spent hours in Y/N's mum's backyard running around, the two of them stayed closer than ever.

Anne and Y/M/N didn't want to be the type of mums who tried to pair their children up just because they spent time together, but it was hard not to when you saw the way Harry looked at Y/N, like she hung the moon and the stars. They'd say the pair of friends would end up together sooner or later, but as years went by, Harry and Y/N remained as what they already were, best friends.

Their feelings for each other remained unknown, always thinking their bond was purely platonic to the other and their feelings were one sided.

When Harry turned sixteen, his mum made him audition for the x factor. Y/N went every single day before the audition to assure Harry how talented he was, making him sing her songs all the time. And he'd gladly do so, always loving the way her eyes lit up every time he sang to her.

The day of his audition, she was there holding Gemma's hand while wearing those matching t-shirts to support Harry. She was the first one he wrapped around his arms once we returned backstage, squeezing her oh-so-tight until she told him she couldn't breathe.

Y/N was there every step of the way, never missing anything and always being there when Harry needed her, as a friend.

When Y/N had her first broken heart, Harry was there to pick up the pieces. When she got accepted in her dream school he was the first one she called.

They had this unspoken rule about approving each other's partners, always making sure the other one liked them before becoming serious with that person.

For most of the time, it worked. Sometimes Harry would be a little stubborn and wouldn't listen to Y/N at first, and the majority of the time he'd come back to her with a broken heart for her to fix.

Y/N was more someone of serious relationships, not entirely comfortable with doing the whole sleep around deal. When she was twenty she met a guy a couple of years older than her, started dating him soon after they met and after three years they were still together.

For Harry, things were a little different. He dated occasionally but never anything serious since he was always busy when he was in the bad, but when the band went on hiatus he started looking for someone he could go home to.

That's when he met Camille. Harry had a tendency to catch feelings way too easily and when he fell for someone, he fell hard. This wasn't always convenient, but at the end that's who he was. The first time Harry told Y/N about her was during a phone call. He sounded so excited, going on and on about how great she was, and Y/N wasn't one to question Harry's judgment (most of the time), so she believed him.

Y/N was in Los Angeles when she met Camille for the first time. The three of them went out for dinner, Harry's request. Y/N wasn't expecting much of her, honestly. She didn't put high expectations on what Camille would be like, and after they met at dinner, she was glad she didn't.

Camille wasn't entire horrible. To Y/N, she'd come off as a little bit... rude. And superficial. Her sense of humor wasn't exactly Y/N's cup of tea, and she could see it wasn't Harry's either as he'd try his best to force a laugh every time Camille'd say something that was supposed to be funny but would come out as rude or inappropriate.

Y/N met her again a couple times but her opinion didn't change much. Being completely honest, Y/N thought they wouldn't last. Harry was on tour and Camille had her own life and based on what her best friend would tell her, they didn't get to see each other as much. But Harry was pretty convinced their relationship could work.

That same year but a couple of months later, Y/N went through a rough patch in her life. Her boyfriend of almost four years dumped her for someone his age, saying she wasn't what he wanted anymore.

That was the first time Harry wasn't there to heal her broken heart.

She tried to call him, she really did. One time she called him during a concert and the other time Camille answered the phone to say Harry was sleeping.

So Y/N had no choice but to suck it up.

Harry had a short break from tour and decided to go home for a bit, having missed his family a lot. When he arrived, he wasn't surprised Anne had family and friends over to welcome him.

Looking around the room, Harry looked for the one person in specific. "She's outside." Anne said, knowing exactly who he was looking for. Harry flashed her a smile and walked through the back door that went to the backyard. He found her sitting on one of the swings they used to play with, looking at the ground.

"Hey, stranger." Harry said, taking a seat on the other swing next to hers. Y/N looked up, offering him a half smile. "How have you been?"

"Been better." She simply said.

"Why didn't you call me?" He furrowed. Harry didn't much about her breakup since he never answered her calls, instead he found out through Gemma.

"I tried, you never answered." She wasn't looking at him and he hated how depressed she seemed but hated even more not knowing the full story behind her broken heart.

"You called one time, Y/N." He insisted.

"No. I called multiple times. Camille answered the phone once and said she'd tell you to call me back, but apparently she didn't tell you"

Harry was confused. He remembers checking his history call and Y/N's number being there only once. "Are you sure? Because she'd have told me if you called"

"Are you sure about that?" She questioned, finally looking up.

"What does that supposed to mean?"

"Forget it." She said, trying to get up from the swing but Harry took her forearm, stopping her.

"No, I’d like to talk about this now. You never told me you opinion about Camille, Y/N."

"Is because i don't have one." She sat back, shrugging off her forearm from his embrace.

"You don't like her." He stated, looking hurt.

Y/N sighed. She was too emotionally unstable right now to deal with this, so instead of lying, she told the truth. "No, I don't."

"Why?"

"Do we have to do this?" Harry looked at her, sternly. "She's rude, Harry. And inappropriate. I don't feel comfortable being around her, that's why I’ve cancelled every time you want the three of us to go out." Y/N looked at him in the eye.

Harry didn't know what to say. When it came to Y/N, he'd have expected a simple 'i like her as long as you do' as that had been the answer she'd always give him.

But this, this was different. She truly did not like Camille and was voicing her opinion to him, not even trying to pretend to like her for his sake. He didn't know how to react, completely unaware of the damage is next words would bring.

"Perhaps if you took the time to get to know her, you wouldn't be so judgmental." He furrowed, feeling attacked. "Seriously, Y/N, you're the only one who come across as rude by canceling every time i say she'd come too."

"You asked for my opinion, Harry. I gave it to you so can we please be done with this?" She felt a massive headache coming and the last thing she wanted was start a fight deep down she knew she'd lose.

"How can i be done with it now that i found out you hate my girlfriend?" He sighed, angrily. "You know what i think? I think you're acting like a proper bitch just because Seth dumped you and you can't stand seeing anyone else around you happy!" he shouted. "Why can't you feel happy for me? Not everyone is a complete asshole like Seth turned out to be, so I’d appreciate if you stopped badmouthing my girlfriend."

Y/N froze in her place. The words that came out of Harry's mouth had the solid purpose to get under her skin. But instead of making her angry like he'd have expected, he saw the exact moment her eyes filled with tears, her upper lip started trembling and that's when he knew he went too far.

She nodded, processing his words before standing up from the swing. She walked hurriedly inside of the house and despite hearing people call after her, Y/N went straight to the front door and slammed it behind her as she went out. Never once looking back.

Even Harry heard the noise she made when she left, so he stood up from his seat and almost ran inside. When he didn't see her, he panicked. Harry never thought she would actually leave the house before they could talk through the issue, she was never one to run out of her problems, but then again she was hurting and wasn't in a good place emotionally after Seth broke her.

Not that Harry would know any of that. And now he understood that. He was so quick to go for her throat that he never noticed how sad she actually was. He was too focused on talk about himself and his relationship that he never asked her how she really was.

"Mum, i fucked up." Harry came to Anne, tears staring to form in his eyes. "Y/N left." He added.

"What did you do, Harry?" She did see her storm out of the house and immediately knew the two best friends had a fight. Although she wasn't sure she wanted to know what made Y/N so upset. "Wait, don't tell me. Whatever it is i'm sure you'll fix it."

"I need to talk to her tomorrow." Harry started tugging on his hair.

"Why tomorrow?"

"I don't think right now she would appreciate my presence, mum. I'll let her cool down and I’ll go find her tomorrow"

Except Y/N did want Harry's presence in that moment. She felt like she was about to drown in her own sorrows and although what Harry said also hurt her, there was nothing else she wanted more than one of his healing hugs. She sat down in her car for twenty minutes, thinking Harry would go after her, but he never did.

Driving all the way from Holmes Chapel to London in the middle of the night didn't sound like the smartest plan ever, but Y/N needed to clear her mind and in all honesty, she just wanted to go home. She knew she would need to call her mother and give her an explanation for her sudden absence but she'll deal with that in the morning.

Right now she wanted to take a bath and get drunk on a bottle of wine. And that's exactly what she did as soon as she crossed the door to her home. She dragged herself upstairs and towards her bathroom, not without making a quick trip to the kitchen to find the alcoholic drink before she did so.

It was only after she was settled in the tub, loads of bubbles surrounding her when she allowed herself to fully cry.

Of course she wanted Harry happy, she'd give up on her own happiness in a heartbeat if that meant he'd be happy. Y/N couldn't help but feel protective over him, his heart has been broken too many times and to be honest she was growing tired of just being there to pick up the mess.

She has given up so much for him, and although she didn't always receive the same from him, she understood and still loved him unconditionally.

But perhaps picking him over herself wasn't something she was willing to do anymore. She had her own broken heart to deal with and wasn't sure if she could heal Harry's once his relationship was over.

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

First thing Harry did when he woke up, was try to call Y/N. One, two, three, four times and none of those she'd pick up.

He walked the short distance between his mother's house and Y/N's mum's house, hoping to find her there. Much to his surprise, her mom opened the door, giving him a sympathetic smile.

"Hello, Harry."

"Is she awake yet? I need to talk to her." Harry said with a shaky voice.

"Y/N's not here, love. She left last night."

Harry furrowed. "In the middle of the night? Has she called you?"

"I wasn't thrilled either but she has, honey. And she told me she made it safely."

Harry nodded. In his head, he was already packing his bags to drive back to London, the only thing on his mind being Y/N. He thanked Y/M/N and rushed back to Anne's house. When he entered, there was someone else waiting for him. Harry was confused as to why his girlfriend was standing in the middle of Anne's living room with a suitcase next to her.

"Camille?" He asked, approaching the woman.

"Hi, baby." She went for a kiss but Harry was too confused to return it. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, don't be rude. I came to surprise you. Now, get my suitcase upstairs, please"

He wanted to tell her he had to leave, fix things with his best friend, but somehow words didn't come out when he opened his mouth. Maybe it was because Camille would start to ask questions, and it wouldn't be the first time she'd accuse Harry to pick Y/N over her, so he kept quiet.

Anne was throwing him looks, silently asking why he hasn't talk to Y/N like he promised he would. Now, don't get her wrong, she was her son's biggest supporter and although she shared with Y/N almost the same opinion about Camille, Anne chose to not say anything and try to make an effort to like the girl.

Harry stayed the whole week in his hometown with his girlfriend, pushing the thought of Y/N at the very back of his head. He tried sending her messages but she never answered them, he tried calling but it always went straight to voicemail. If Harry wouldn't stop by her childhood home to ask her mother about her during his morning runs, he wouldn't have any idea of how she was.

By the end of the week, Harry was finally packing his bags, ready to go. What he wasn't counting on was Camille telling him they'd go back to Los Angeles.

"It's one dinner, Camille." He told her.

"But i really want to go. I've already told everyone we'd be there." She insisted. Harry didn't want to fly all the way to LA just for one stupid dinner with a bunch of people he didn't like. "Do you have anything more important to do or what?"

"I..." He paused. "I have to talk to Y/N."

"Then call her like you always do." She rolled her eyes, growing annoyed.

"It's kind of an important conversation, actually. I can't do that over the phone."

"Who's your girlfriend, uh? Because you're always ready to drop anything to go after her like a lost puppy!"

"That is not true. She's my best friend, Camille. I've known her since we were six."

"Well, i don't like her." She crossed her arms, staring at Harry. He shifted uncomfortably on his place, not knowing what to say. "Do you love her?"

"Of course i do." He said immediately. Camille raised her eyebrows, making him quickly add. "But not in the way you're thinking. We're just... close. Always been."

"Perhaps a little too close."

"What do you supposing?" Harry furrowed his eyebrows.

"If you want this to work then you need to spend less time with her, Harry. I won't compete with her, do you understand?" She stated.

Harry didn't know what to say. She was giving him an ultimatum he wasn't sure he could do. Stay away from Y/N was never something that crossed out of his mind, ever. He didn't want to stop seeing his best friend but he didn't want to break up with Camille either.

Sighing while putting his suitcase down, Harry nodded. Camille smiled, pleased with his decision. "I do this for us, babe. This weird codependency you two have needs to stop. We're only going to grow closer, you'll see."

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

It was like that, how a few days turned into a few weeks that then turned into months of no communication between Harry and Y/N.

Gemma had heard the entire argument that day, and she still was surprised and shocked with her brother's choice. She had called Y/N to tell her, hoping she would make Harry understand how wrong he was, but all she received was silence from the other end of the line, followed by a quiet 'thank you for telling me' before Y/N hung up.

To her, Camille made him choose. And he chose his girlfriend over her. She wanted to be mad, she wanted to cry and throw things, but she couldn't. Instead she respected Harry's decision, like she always does. She wasn't sure how she'd erase over fifteen years of friendship, but she'd try her best if that meant Harry would be happy, even if that didn't include her in his life anymore.

To Harry, things only went worse. Every day he woke up feeling emptier and emptier. He was angry all the time, never wanted to go out or do anything besides giving his concerts then going straight to his bedroom to go back being miserable. He couldn't recognize himself in the mirror, him and everyone else around him.

Every time Camille wanted to visit him, he'd throw a random excuse and say things were too busy. Of course she knew something was up and she knew exactly the reason why he was acting like he was. As he looked sadder and sadder in his concerts, fans started to wonder what had happened to him. Some assumed they broke up, and deep down Harry wanted those rumors to be true. But if Camille disappeared from his life, then he'd be completely alone. He no longer had the one person that has always been there aside from his mum and sister. He no longer had that one person that was the exactly reflection of who he was. He no longer had Y/N, and he wasn't ready to admit out loud he was the only one to blame for that.

During those darks, lonely months he realized something. Every relationship he's ever had in the past, never worked because Y/N was always in his mind. Y/N wouldn't say this, Y/N wouldn't do this, Y/N wouldn't be like this. His past partners never made the cut because he'd always compare them to the best person in his life. He didn't see it back then, but now he did.

He was in love. Truly, madly, deeply and foolishly in love with his best friend.

A couple of shows before tour ended, Camille decided to surprise Harry and fly all the way from LA to whatever city he was in. When he opened the door of his hotel bedroom, he was confused to see her standing there. "Surprise!" She exclaimed, throwing herself at him.

"Camille, what are you doing?"

"Uh, surprising you?" She said in an obvious tone. "Jesus Christ, at least pretend you're happy to see me."

"I'm sorry. How was your flight?"

Harry welcomed her into his room, wheeling her suitcase by the end of the bed. His room was kind of a mess because yesterday he drank too much and became a complete train wreck. Camille looked around, scanning the mess they were standing in but didn't say anything.

He had a concert to do that night, and they had to be at the arena so Harry could get ready. There wasn't much Camille could do besides sitting in his dressing room and wait for him. During all the night, he seemed slightly off, distracted thinking about Camille. Seeing her kind of triggered all the memories from Y/N and that night at his mother's house that he was yet to apologize for.

In his mind, he blamed her for everything. However deep down he knew he was responsible for that. There were so many other way he could've handled the situation, but back then he didn't think straight, he thought what he had with Camille was worth losing Y/N. Bad thing he learned too late nothing was worth losing her.

"I want to go out tonight." She had told him after his concert ended. "We can go to a club or something."

"I'm not really in the mood for clubbing."

"Then let's go have dinner."

"Not hungry either." He said as he opened the door of the hotel room.

"Then what do you want?"

"I'd like to take a shower and sleep." Harry started unbuttoning his shirt, dropping it off on the floor when he was done.

"Don't be boring. I didn't come here to sit around and do nothing fun."

"I didn't ask you to come." He blurted in a harsh tone. "I'm not in the mood, Camille."

"Is this because you're not friends with Y/N anymore?" She asked, crossing her arms across her chest. "I thought you'd get over it, Harry."

"Well, I won't!"

"I can't believe after all this time, i'm still competing with her for your fucking attention!"

"What else do you want from me, Camille?!I turned my back on her for you! What else do you want me to do?!"

"I want you to understand your life does not revolve around her! I'm your bloody girlfriend, dammit!" She shouted angrily. "Your obsession over her is not healthy. I did everything i could to make you see that. She doesn't understand it either. God, i even went as far as deleting your history call because i knew... i knew at the first opportunity you'd jump on a plane to her fucking rescue."

"You did... what?" He barked angrily. Suddenly it all made sense. Y/N was mad at him because she thought Harry was ignoring her when in reality Harry never saw her missing calls. Camille's eyes widened, she knew she said too much. "Why the hell would you do something like that?! You didn't have any right to go through my phone like that."

"I did it for-"

"Cut the crap! You didn't do it for me. I can't believe you're this psychotic kind of person. Do you have any idea how much your stupid actions coasted me?!" She stayed silent. "Answer me!" Harry shouted, completely furious.

Several knocks were heard by the other side of the door, followed by Jeff's voice telling Harry to let him in. "What is happening in here? I can hear your screams from my room." He said once the curly haired man let him in.

"Please book a room for Camille and a flight for tomorrow morning for her."

"Harry..." Camille tried to touch his arm.

"No. I'm done with this, with you, with everything.

Harry stormed out of the room, in desperate need of fresh air. He had way too many things on his plate right now, but somehow he felt more relieved now that he wasn’t with Camille anymore. It took him too long to realize he didn’t love her, and the only person he’s ever loved has been always right in front of him.

When he came back to his room, Camille’s things were gone and the room was once again clean. He figured Jeff sent someone to clean it up or something, either way he was grateful. His mind started going places he hasn’t allowed it to go in a long time, old memories with Y/N started rushing through his mind, then he started thinking on how things would be if he never made that stupid choice of giving up on her.

He wanted her back, he just didn’t know how. He wouldn’t blame her if he didn’t want to know anything about him as he felt like the most undeserving person of her love.

He started counting down the days that were left before he could go back to London and do everything in his power to get her back, silently promising her that this time, he will not fuck it up.

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

First thing Harry did after he gave his last concert, was book the first flight back to London. He asked Gemma to go pick him up from the airport and take him to Y/N’s house. At first, she thought he was crazy but then she heard how desperate he was and she accepted.

“I love you, little brother but you absolutely fucked it up.” She told him as she was driving. “How could you let her manipulate you into stopping talking with Y/N?”

“I don’t know, Gem.” He sighed. “I made a mistake, okay?”

“Do you love her?” Gemma asked the same question months back Camille asked. However, instead of using a harsh tone like his now ex-girlfriend did, Gemma’s tone was soft. Almost as she was afraid to ask the question. The difference was, Harry wasn’t afraid of the answer anymore.

“I do.”

He looked through the window, lost in thought. Gemma nodded to herself, satisfied with his answer. It was about goddamn time, she thought. She crossed her fingers Y/N would at least listen to what Harry had to say as she’d hate if all those years of knowing each other were suddenly trashed away.

Gemma barely parked the car before Harry jumped out of it. “Do you want me to wait?”

Harry shook his head, flashing her a little smile. “It might take a while. At least she’s home.” He pointed at her car, parked in the driveway. “Thank you, Gem.”

“Good luck, lovebird.” She smiled before driving away. Harry let out a big sigh before walking towards her front door. He knocked a couple of times and he could hear her dogs bark from the other side of the door.

Y/N opened the door but froze in her place as soon as she saw him. He opened his mouth but before he could say something, Y/N was already trying to close the door.

He put his foot to prevent it from closing. “Wait!”

“No. What are you doing here, Harry?” She tried to close the door again. “Please, leave.”

“Y/N please, I made a mistake.” He begged.

“Did you now?”

“Please, let me in. I can explain everything, just… please.” He said in a sad tone. Y/N looked at him. He hasn’t shaved his face and his hair was all over the place, his emerald eyes weren’t bright anymore. He just looked… sad.

A big part of her wanted to open the door for him to enter, but another part of her didn’t want to. For the past months, Y/N has really worked on making sure she knew her worth at all times. That no Seths and No Harrys were worth of her tears. She had to live with the fact that she lost both at the same time, making the whole in her heart even bigger.

In any other circumstances, she wouldn’t hesitate on letting him in. But that was the old Y/N. The one who put him above everything else, including herself. That Y/N wasn’t her anymore.

“Harry…” She started saying. “I’m not ready.”

He looked up at her, his eyes were red from containing the tears, and although he wanted to say more, he respected her decision. “Would you let me know when you are?” All he wanted was a sight that there still was hope for them, and she could see it in his eyes, so she nodded.

“We’ll talk about it… soon. Just not now.”

A few weeks passed since that day and Harry lived every day hopping his phone would ring. He’d send little texts here and there for her, a way of letting her know he still cared and that he wasn’t giving up.

Dragging himself out of the house for the first time in weeks, Harry decided to go to the little coffee shop he used to frequent with Y/N in the past. They served the best coffee according to her, not like all the other overpriced cafés in London.

He smiled at the memory as he entered the place, going straight to make his order. His mind was too focused on other things that he didn’t realize he also ordered Y/N’s usual.

Now he had two coffees and a chocolate muffin, but it was just him there. He looked down at the order again, it made him feel like the old times where he’d stop by the shop before going to Y/N’s to hang out.

Without thinking about it twice, he hopped in his car again and drove in autopilot to her house. He hopped these past weeks had been enough for her to feel ready to talk.

“Hello, Harry.” She said, more relaxed this time as she opened the door.

“May I come in?” He asked. “I… I brought your favorite.”

She gave him a half smile, opening the door enough for him to come inside. He was immediately greeted by her two dogs and the very familiar sight of her home where he’s spent more times than he could ever remember.

“I was hoping we could talk.” He started. “I know there’s a big… big stain in our friendship now and believe when I say I would spend the rest of my life trying to erase it.”

“Why didn’t you go after me that night at your mum’s house?” She finally said after being silent.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me. I went to your mother’s house the next morning and found out you were gone.”

“I waited for you in my car. I thought we could talk it through but then… then Gemma called me and told me Camille gave you an ultimatum. I backed off because I didn’t want to ruin your relationship, Harry.”

“You didn’t ruin anything, Y/N. I did. I should’ve listened to you instead of screaming at you. I said horrible things to you and I’m so sorry. I should’ve play more attention on how were you feeling. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

She pressed her lips in a thin line, swallowing her tears. “I’m sorry I didn’t support you on your relationship.”

“It’s okay. It’s over.” He said. “I found out she deleted your calls from my phone so I wouldn’t come here to be with you.”

“She told you that?” Y/N was surprised. She had thought about it, but never imagined Camille would admit it.

“She did. I let her manipulate me, but I know it was my fault too. I shouldn’t have let her come between us.”

“She was your girlfriend, Harry. Maybe she was right…” She mumbled, making him frown.

“What do you mean?”

“Harry, all your girlfriends have told you they didn’t like me or the relationship we had. Have you ever thought that’s exactly why your relationships wouldn’t work? You can’t keep choosing me over your partners.”

“Yes, I can.” He insisted.

“No. Perhaps we should’ve keep our paths separated.”

“What? No!” He stood up from the couch and so did Y/N. “Y/N, you can’t ask me to forget about you.”

“Maybe it’s for the best.”

“Says who? I won’t walk away from you, not again. I should’ve done a lot of things since that night, I should’ve known you were right, I should’ve been there for you.” He looked at her with tearful eyes. “I shouldn’t have let you walk away from me. I should’ve… I should’ve…”

His breath hitched, becoming aware of how close they were from each other now. Their noses almost touched as they looked into each other’s eyes, eyes that were full of emotion such as anger, sadness… love.

“I should’ve done this a long time ago.” He whispered before finally closing the distance between them. Y/N gasped before kissing him back with force. She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him closer to her and deepening the kiss.

Kissing her felt so foreign yet so right. It was like all the pieces of the puzzle were coming together and he finally knew it was her all along. The only person that’s always been on his mind and the only one who held his entire heart, it was her.

It was only when they were running out of breath when they finally broke the kiss, but didn’t dare to broke the nonexistent distance between them. Y/N smiled for the first time he walked inside of the house, her eyes were notably brighter and she couldn’t help but let out a little giggle, feeling like a school girl again.

“I love you, Y/N. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, but I swear I’ll remind you every day of your life how much I do.”

#harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic

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raunchyom · 3 years

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Vices, Not Virtues: Charity

[ Chapter 2 ]

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A/N: Man, this took a helluva lot longer than I thought it would. It also ended up being a helluva lot longer than I thought it would, despite what I said on the last chapter. Oops. Hope y’all like long fics ^^’ Tagging: @devintrinidad

word count: 3k || warnings: n/a

Since arriving in the Devildom, you’d been perpetually busy.

Whether baking with Luke or shopping with Asmo, reading with Satan or snacking with Beel, practicing magic with Solomon or playing body pillow for Belphie, going to class or doing mountains of homework-- it was always something, and it always added up to a very full schedule.

Today was no different. Lucifer had insisted on keeping you until you were practically asleep in his study last night, only relenting because you had class the next day. And it wasn’t as if you could fall asleep when you got back to your room-- you had things due tomorrow, and a full schedule to try and get back on track of.

You’d mostly succeeded on the homework front, even finishing with enough time for a solid 4 hours of sleep that night. The pre-class D.D.D. tutorial you’d promised to Simeon happened right on schedule, and you successfully stayed awake for your entire first and second periods. You snuck out of third period to help Asmo with his latest fashion emergency, then managed the rest of third and fourth period without a hitch. You spent lunch listening to the newest anime-oriented drama from Levi, then attended the last of your classes. A text popped up from Beel just thirty minutes before school was over that he made a mistake, and needed your advice. You went ahead and offered to help clean the kitchen, already guessing what had happened. Overall, it was a pretty standard day.

Well, standard or not, once you’d gotten back to your room-- and finished cleaning up the wreckage that Beel had severely understated in his messages-- it was late, with a lot left to do. You opened your door, mentally blocking out how much time it should take to complete everything. Your math left you confident that you could get 4 hours of sleep again tonight, maybe even 5 if you really focused. You set your backpack down, feeling better, and flopped into your desk chair. The second your butt hit the cushion, you felt your D.D.D. buzz from your pocket.

You groaned, head hitting the desk with a soft ‘thunk’. Didn’t your phone know that you were busy?

As if it could hear your thoughts, the device vibrated again, eliciting a sigh. Pity party successfully waylaid, you dug your D.D.D. out of your pocket and checked the notifications.

It was a string of texts, all from Mammon. First he asked what you were doing, then where you were. The next one said to forget both of those; he needed you to come help him with homework in his room. When you hadn’t answered fast enough, he began to spam you with angry emojis.

He was acting like a brat, but that was his version of begging. He was always struggling in his classes, and your tutoring usually helped; you couldn’t fault him for wanting to improve his grades. And so, ignoring everything you had to do, you decided to help him. After all, isn’t that what being a good friend is all about?

You stood up, tossing your backpack on again. If you factored your study session into your schedule, that would put you at 4 hours of sleep tops. No, the likelihood it would only take an hour was slim; probably 3.5 hours of sleep. Another text-- make that two-- made your D.D.D. buzz again; both demanding you reply, the second saying you didn’t have a choice in whether to help. ...Maybe 2.5 hours.

Your first knock on his door was met with silence, and you briefly considered leaving to do your own homework. But no-- you came to help, you should help.

“Mammon?” You tried again, knocking louder.

“Finally! Get in here already!” He yelled through the door.

Mammon was on his couch, backpack tossed a good ways away from him. Though he had a textbook on his coffee table, and plenty of papers scattered across the surface, he didn’t seem to be working on anything specific. It didn’t help that he was upside-down on his couch; his legs thrown over the back cushion and head hanging off the front. It wasn’t the typical doing-homework pose, but far be it from you to tell what Mammon was thinking.

“You sure took your time!” He tossed his D.D.D. to the side, pointing an accusing finger in your direction.

“I walked straight here when I got your texts.”

“Yeah, well, you should already know when I want ya here.” He huffed, then practically fell off the couch amidst his panicked backpedaling. “Not-- Not that I want ya here, I mean! The Great Mammon doesn’t want some human around, crampin’ his style! I just--!” He rolled into a normal sitting position, the redness in his face no longer the result of being upside-down.

“You wanted my help with homework, right?” You tried to throw him a life raft, but it went right over his head.

“What? Homework? We had homework!?” He asked, now looking frazzled for a different reason. You took a deep breath, briefly wondering how this scatterbrain remembered to put pants on every morning.

“Mammon, why did you ask me to come over?” You finally asked, trying to get him back on track.

“I asked… oh! Yeah! I uh…” He glanced at his table, a mess of papers that he hadn’t looked at since dumping them out of his folder. He looked back up at you expectantly. “Mc, do you have any money?”

...Oh, so that’s what this was about. It was hard not to feel disappointed that he had lied to get you here, but at least he got right to the point. “Yeah, sure, what happ-- ah, whatever. How much do you need?”

You reached for your wallet, hoping to just fork over the grimm and go back to what you were doing. He hadn’t asked in a while, so this was probably legit. Probably. He would promise to pay it back, with every intention of doing so, and then forget to, or run into more debt. It was a vicious cycle; you were happy to not be a part of it. Well, at least it was nice while it lasted.

“What? No, that’s not-- ya shouldn’t be handin’ out money like that!” Mammon nagged, effectively freezing your hand in midair. If he didn’t want money, why was he asking? “You don’t needta give your stuff away to people just ‘cause they ask, that’s how people take advantage of ya!”

At first, his behavior didn’t make sense, but the gears started turning on what was going on. You shoved your wallet back into place, trying not to sound as exhausted as you felt. “Is this because of Lucifer?”

“Lucifer?” He echoed, confused.

“You know, his whole idea of giving you guys a week to…” You gestured vaguely, not wanting to say ‘teach me to sin’ for multiple reasons; “uh, talk to me?”

“Whaddya mean Lucifer?” He sounded affronted at the thought. “It was MY idea!” He huffed, crossing his arms.

“You thought of this?” It was surprising, but you felt inclined to believe him. He didn’t like to admit that he cared; he wouldn’t suddenly lie about being worried enough to bring it up to his brothers. Either way, as sweet as it was, good intentions wouldn’t save your grades. But maybe if he had gotten you into this mess, he could get you out of it. At the very least, he might be able to get you out of today’s lecture. “Mammon, I really appreciate it, but I don’t have time to--”

“Exactly! Ya never have time!” He launched up off the couch, flinging his arms out dramatically as he spoke. “You’re always givin’ it away to everybody else! Just like your stuff, and your grimm! Do ya ever even spend anythin’ on yourself?”

“Of course I do.” You replied easily. He made it seem as if you were emptying your pockets for anyone who asked. You weren’t some human piggy bank, you bought yourself stuff all the time.

“Oh yeah? When’s the last time ya bought somethin’ for yourself, then? And food doesn’t count! Neither does stuff ya need for school, or takin’ care of yourself. When’s the last time ya bought something just ‘cause ya wanted it?” He asked, hands on his hips.

“I, uh…” That was a lot of rules. You tried to flip back in your mind. You weren’t exactly a big spender; certainly not since you’d arrived in the Devildom with so little time to work for extra cash. To Mammon’s point, you could only think of things you bought out of necessity. A snack when you didn’t have time for lunch. A new pair of shoes when yours were falling apart. Some toiletries when you needed them. A new uniform when your jacket was torn beyond repair, and you didn’t want to bother anyone about it.

“But you’re always buyin’ stuff for others!” Mammon let your thoughts wander enough to make his point, but he had to cut in eventually. “Remember how I usedta ask for money all the time?”

“I mean-- it’s been a while.” It was a meager attempt at defense, but it was true. You couldn’t remember the last time he came to your door, brown-nosing his way into your pockets.

“Yeah, well, when ya first got here, you gave your grimm away freely, always buyin’ stuff for people-- so I thought ya had a buncha money. Then I heard Lucifer sayin’ ya don’t have much, and you were sayin’ ya wanted to save some, so I stopped askin’! But nobody else knows, so they keep askin’, and you keep givin’ it to ‘em! I know you don’t have stuff to be givin’ away either, I’ve been through--” He caught himself before he admitted it out loud, but you were well aware of the fact that Mammon had rooted through your stuff at the beginning. He had stopped at this point… you hoped. “No one here wants to take advantage of ya, but they don’t know they’re doin’ it. Ya gotta tell people not to ask for so much-- I mean, I’m the avatar of greed, and I feel bad takin’ your stuff! I bet the others would feel the same!”

It was hard to tell whether he cared more about your financial situation or about making his brothers feel guilty. “I think--”

“Don’t even get me started about your time!” Mammon didn’t let you get a word in edgewise, advancing towards you as he ranted. He didn’t realize he was doing it; the action a subconscious result of his rising emotions. You took a few steps back, but soon bumped into furniture and had to stop. “You’re always busy, and ya got tons’a homework, but ya never say no when people ask for help! Do ya even have time to be here right now? Or do ya have somethin’ you could be doin’ instead?”

It was a fair point, but hard to take from the one who’d brought you here. “It’s fine, I like to help out.”

“Help yourself out!” This was the second time within 24 hours that you’d gotten chewed out for not taking proper care of yourself. There was a familiar churning in your gut-- a leaden mixture of guilt and anxiety. Not to mention a dash of adrenaline from being within range of an angry demon. That last one happened a lot around here, though. “Try sayin’ no to people once in awhile! You stretch yourself too thin and eventually there’s gonna be nothin’ left!”

Mammon finally took a breath, letting his shoulders slump as he exhaled. He averted his eyes, his voice much softer when he next spoke. “Besides… I miss ya, Mc. You keep givin’ away your time, and overworkin’ yourself, and all of a sudden… I never see ya anymore.”

His gaze flitted back to your face, and it finally dawned on him just how close he’d gotten. He was nearly pinning you against his pool table at this point. His face turned bright red, and he leapt backwards, crossing his arms to maintain his pride. “A-Anyway! You don’t owe anyone anything. So stop acting like it.”

“I don’t act like--”

“Oi, and don’t interrupt the Great Mammon!”

You rolled your eyes, but conceded. He had been difficult from his very first text tonight, it was probably easier to just humor him at this point.

“Ya play therapist for the house all the time. Ya mediate fights, listen to people’s problems, give out advice when you’re asked-- even when ya don’t know what to say. Maybe it’s about time ya let us know when ya aren’t up to it. I mean, no one's gonna fault ya for takin’ a vacation day.” It wasn’t a perfect metaphor, but it conveyed his point well enough. “The house has been a lot calmer since ya got here. Everybody knows it-- you do too, dontcha?”

It was true that you’d been complimented on your demon-wrangling skills by many people before. ...Including the brothers, oftentimes. “Well, yeah, but you guys should always be able to come to me. I want to be there for you.”

“Well I wanna be there for you, too!” Mammon blurted, looking desperate. Well, until he realized what he said, his expression then switching to panic as he frantically backpedaled. “I mean-- we do! T-They do! Or-- everyone else does, but I-I’ve got better stuff to… Ah, what am I sayin’? We all wanna be there for ya, Mc. But that means when ya have a hard day, and we ask if ya have time... ya gotta say no. How would you feel, if ya learned that we all forced ourselves to be around ya?”

A pang of guilt shot through your chest. “It isn’t like that; you guys aren’t a burden. I want to help--”

“Yeah, and I wanna sell Levi’s expensive shut-in stuff for extra cash, but sometimes ya gotta think about what ya wanna do versus what ya can do. I’m not very… I mean, I dunno about uh, emotions and... all that, but…” Suddenly Mammon’s tsundere thing made a lot of sense; he was a lot better at denial than candor. “Well, ya can’t help us if ya can’t help yourself!”

Again, he had a point. This time he wasn’t being a hypocrite, so it made it harder to come up with a rebuttal. “Everyone has bad days, I don’t have to shut people out whenever I’m not at one hundred percent.”

“Man, you sure are lucky Lucifer has a soft spot for ya. All this back talk would get me in hot water.” Mammon sighed. “Just listen to me for once, wouldja?”

You crossed your arms, unimpressed. He chose to interpret it as a yes.

“I know ya wanna have some free time. And I know ya wanna keep some of your money saved up, whatever it’s for. Well… If sayin’ no is hard for ya, maybe we can start ya off with a test drive.”

“A… test drive...?” Nope, he lost you.

“Y’see, I’ll take the fall tonight. I’m gonna say we’re studyin’. Or that I’m still givin’ ya my peace. But… go back to your room, do whatcha want. Don’t matter what-- homework, sleepin’, whatever. Just don’t let anyone take it from ya. Matter’a fact, if someone asks for ya: practice sayin’ no. If ya gotta give ‘em a reason, tell ‘em it’s my fault.”

“You sure?” He was essentially offering to be your guard dog for the night, which was quite a monumental task-- especially since people already assumed Mammon was at fault for things in general, and wouldn’t hesitate to take their anger out on him.

“Yeah, yeah; just don’t go and think I’m gonna keep doin’ this forever! Ya gotta learn to say no on your own, without me havin’ to do it for you all the time! I got goldie to worry about, I don’t need another credit card overspendin’ itself and-- w-well, I just don’t wanna haveta deal with it if ya run outta money and come cryin’ to-- oi!” You wrapped him in a hug, able to feel the shock run up his spine at your sign of gratitude.

“I-I toldja, I ain’t doin’ it for you!” Mammon protested, but near instantly caved; stealing the chance to hug you back. He puffed out a defeated breath, adding, “I’m gonna watch out for ya human, I mean it. I wanna make sure you can keep gettin’ better, so… If ya ever gotta turn someone down in the future, or tell ‘em no for any reason, and ya can’t bring yourself to do it… You can always tell ‘em it’s on me. I’m your first man, you can always depend on me to help ya out.”

“Thank you, really.” He held you for just a beat longer before he relented, switching back to his brusque demeanor the moment he let go.

“Yeah, yeah, keep thankin’ me and you’re gonna waste all your free time before it even starts. Get outta here already! I got stuff to do too, y’know.” He waved you off, but he was refusing eye contact for a reason.

Leaving Mammon’s room, your steps felt light, and a rush of warmth flooded your chest as you recalled his praise. Sure, it was followed by nagging, or saying it wasn’t always good for you-- but it was definitely nice to hear that the brothers really did think of you as their confidant.

You stood a little taller; almost as if you felt a sense of pride.

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