#as a 24 year old the thought of dating someone who is 17 makes me want to vomit
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I think the new vampire academy show would be a lot better if Rose and Dimitri or Lissa and Christian had any chemistry at all…
Atp I’m only watching for Mia and Meredith and the few Mason/Rose scenes and it is haaaaaaard to stick it out
#vampire academy#mia x meredith#to be fair rose and dimitri do have slightly better chemistry than lissa and christian#but that’s not saying much#and the age difference is repulsive to me#as a 24 year old the thought of dating someone who is 17 makes me want to vomit
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An Encounter in the Snow VIII
The Captain paces around his quarters nervously, his hands intertwined behind his back, his eyes glued to the floor. The fireplace burns quietly in the center of the room. Nights have just been getting colder since the start of November.
Suddenly, a knock at the door. Hero doesn’t look up. He just stands in front of the fire as the cadet peeks his head inside the room.
“Sir, I have what you requested.”
The Captain nods and walks straight to him to retrieve an old notebook, punished by the passing of time. It’s dusty and has stains of mud all over its cover.
“Where did you find it?” asks Hero. The soldier scratches his neck.
“Somewhere between the first and third base. Someone might have been dropped. It was between some piles of bodies, buried in the mud. I hope the pages haven't given up,” he adds, signaling the bad state of the book.
The cadet is about to leave, but Hero stops him dead in his tracks.
“Heard you came from occupied land.”
“Sir?” asks the young cadet.
“Could you translate it for me, soldier?”
The young man, who hasn’t been in the field for more than a year, stands straight, eager to help.
“Yes, sir!”
The two men sit at the desk, the soldier in a chair, Hero right by his side standing on his feet. The Captain's arms are crossed on his chest, deep in thought.
“Go on,” tells the soldier, and the boy opens the notebook carefully, as if the thing could disintegrate by just looking at it. His fingers slide the first blank pages, which only have written a couple of numbers.
“1923-08,” reads aloud the soldier.
“I can read dates as well, yes,” mumbles Hero, peeking from behind his shoulder. “Let’s get to the first few pages. Are you familiar with Polareçe?”
“I fled the country when I was only ten, sir. But I should be able to read it, at least.”
The Captain nods, starting to pace towards the window, looking outside at the light rain which pours tonight.
“The first page,” starts the soldier, concentrating on the task, “is a list of imports from August of last year. They are labeled as ‘cattle.’”
“No more than animals to them, then. I see.”
“Indeed, sir. It lists eight subjects, with dates, numbers, and aliases associated with them. It seems the dates are DOBs. It seems all ‘cattle’ were born in 1899, between September and December of that year.”
“Which makes the dog… 24. Huh. So young and already so troubled. Who knows the horrors they live through just to reach that age.”
“I’ve never heard of a weapon who lives past 25, sir. They are eventually used in suicidal missions when their bones and senses start failing. Their life is practically designed to be useful between the ages of 17 and 24. After that, any body collapses from exhaustion.”
“Then we surely stumbled onto a great catch. I’m sure the enemy was planning on getting rid of Weapon this very same year.” Hero imagines the monster with a few hundred grams of explosives attached to his body, running full speed towards their base. “What about the numbers on the list?”
“They might be codes, sir.”
“And the names? The aliases?”
The soldier sits straight and then reads aloud, struggling a bit with the pronunciation:
“Zundr, Açerö, Avirin, Vel·lor, Solkïr, Vicci, Rraptúrr, Iüçe. They all sound male to me.”
Hero thinks about Weapon, sleeping peacefully as he left him in his cell. He can’t imagine which one of the names is his.
“You’re telling me that we probably have seven more weapons running around the battlefield, huh?”
“Probably the enemy has executed them by now, sir.”
“How so?”
The soldier looks up from the notebook, straight at the Captain.
“As I said, sir. They kill them after reaching their 24th year of life. This fall is their expiration of the contract. Here,” and the soldier motions towards some dates written under the list of names.
“Huh,” is the only thing that Hero says. 1923-11. This November. Well, isn’t the dog lucky?
“Anything more in the list? Weapons? Skills? Training completed?”
The soldier shuffles through the next page. “After those, it looks like someone has written down a record for each mission. They have written down… Dates, numbers… The numbers might be of the deaths. There are some observations.”
“When was the last mission?” asks Hero, nervously, as he retrieves the notebook from the soldier's hands, looking at the last page. The date is from this very same September. 116.
“Damn,” he mumbles. The soldier stands by his side, peeking at the scribbles as well.
“Whoever is locked down there, he managed to kill 116 soldiers in a few hours, on September 9th. Be it alone or not, that’s actually… ”
“Macabre,” mumbles the Captain.
Taglist: @whump-blog@bitchaknso @pumpkinsncoffee @scrumpledumple (comment to get added/removed from the list!)
#promptfactory#writing prompt#prompt#whump#whump prompt#hero x villain#villain x hero#whump scenario#whumpee x caretaker#my ocs#biologically nonhuman#living weapon whumpee#tropes#ww2 whump#biological weapon#militar whump#anencounterinthesnow
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Animaniacs in Concert, 2/17/24 in Bristol, CT
Or, the story of how I ran into Rob Paulsen and immediately threw up.
Not on him, thankfully.
Where to begin? From the beginning, I guess.
I talk a lot about Japanese voice actors on this blog and I have almost no thoughts about American anime dub voice actors (no offense, I just don't know their work). However, if you asked me my favorite American cartoon voice actor, it's Rob Paulsen. I knew his voice before I even knew he existed, and if you ask me, he's one of the most recognizable male voice actors in Saturday morning cartoons.
He's probably most known as being Yakko on Animaniacs, and "half the Ninja Turtles" as he puts it. ("Maybe if I live to 102 I can voice all of them!") I also personally really liked him in The Mask cartoon, I think it's some of his best work. (Even though he was doing Jim Carey, he kind of wasn't at the same time. He made it his own.) But even beyond his leading roles, he just seems to pop up all sorts of places, and it always makes my day when I recognize him as additional voices.
While Japanese voice actors are often young and excessively beautiful people you're supposed to swoon over, 80s/90s American cartoon voice actors aren't... quite... the same. And yet. I sorta do, in a weird way. I mean I've known Rob Paulsen's voice for as long as my brain has been making memories and that's a pretty huge impact on a person. A few years back, I stumbled upon a few videos of him on YouTube attending cons performing Yakko's World and such, and I just loved his personality and energy so much. So, I added seeing him perform someday to my mental list of goals to accomplish if I ever returned to the US.
Fast forward again to the 2020s, the Animaniacs revival comes out on Hulu (I don't care what anyone says I freakin loved it) and I hear he's touring again with Animaniacs in Concert. I looked up the dates and none of them were remotely near me. As I checked back one day, mourning the possible missed opportunity and debating how far I might go, a new show popped up in Bristol, CT. How random, I thought. I checked if it was doable for me, and it was! It wasn't feasible as a day trip, but still doable. And once I saw there was one FRONT ROW SEAT LEFT, the deal was sealed as I quickly bought the ticket and reserved a room at the only hotel I could find in the area, the Bristol Double Tree.
Fast forward to yesterday. I arrived in Bristol just after noon following an uber and FOUR different buses. I'd woken up way too early, I was hungry and tired, and not feeling too great. I decided food would be my first plan of action, and since I didn't quite understand how to order room service (the menu wasn't loading on my phone anyway) and there wasn't anything within walking distance, I decided to just head downstairs and eat at the hotel restaurant/bar.
As I was waiting for my impossible burger and fries, I decided to take off the Yakko's World hoodie I'd been wearing.
I bought it specifically to wear to the show, and I'd already spilled a little coffee on it this morning and didn't want to risk having to wash it again. So I tucked it behind me in the booth.
Shortly after that, another group walked in and sat at the table next to me. An older guy and some ladies. I wasn't paying much attention to them as I thought they were maybe a part of the wedding party I heard was at the hotel. My food came and I focused on that.
But then someone else walked in and joined them. Someone I very much DID recognize. "Oh there you are!" "Hi, I'm Rob!"
The next moment is kind of a blur so I'm not exactly sure whether I jumped a little or if I did the dramatic eyes widen slow turn, but I definitely had some kind of a visible reaction as I looked over to the table. It was then that I locked eyes with who at that moment I first realized was Maurice Lamarche, voice of Brain (from Pinky and the Brain) and many MANY Futurama characters (more than I realized as I learned later). He was the older man I mentioned earlier, and had been sitting there the entire time. And at that moment I thought perhaps he knew everything. (Both the fact that I recognized the new person who had just walked in, and the fact that I hadn't recognized Maurice himself until now.)
So I'm pretty sure I have at least mild prosopagnosia (face blindness) so it is hard for me to recognize people right away.
But there was something I could never fail to recognize, and that was the voice of Rob Paulsen, who was the person who had just walked into the room and joined the table with Maurice.
I'm not sure how they knew the women they were dining with, but they were all catching up, asking them if they were going to the show, etc. I listened a bit as Rob happily talked to them about the impact of the show and its fans. Such as how devoted fans would actually fly in to see them and how the average age of the audience was about 40 (hah ha... not yet but I'm getting there). He even mentioned Tress MacNeille at one point! Maurice was right in my view, but Rob was at an angle where I couldn't see him without turning my head but oh lord it was definitely him.
I had no idea what to do at this point. Do I say something? Do I not? Would it be terrible to just say hi and that I'm looking forward to the show??
I've been to a lot of events with voice actors in the past, especially in Japan, but I still just... cannot handle meeting famous people that I admire. Actually seeing them up close is intense enough, but actually TALKING to them? I don't know how anyone can do it.
I'm reminded of Amari in Idol Land PriPara, that episode where she meets Hibiki...
Yeah, basically me. For the people who visualize in their head while they are reading something, just replace whatever you imagine I look like with Amari and this story will fit very well.
All while this is all racing through my mind, I'm still shoveling french fries into my mouth while trying (and probably failing) to stay calm and act normal (even though I'm pretty sure Maurice is onto me) and I soon realize I've got a couple fries stuck in my throat (as often happens when I'm eating without paying attention, as I'm a very fast eater). I exaggerated a little in my previous post when I said I was choking, but it was hard to swallow and I realized I'd have to sneak off to the bathroom to deal with it without causing any more of a scene. I basically threw my credit card on the table and ran, though (which was dumb in hindsight, but I didn't want anyone to think I was dine-dashing).
In the end, after I came back, I decided to just quietly pay the bill and leave without saying anything, scrunching and hiding my Yakko hoodie the best I could. I didn't want to interrupt them during their private time, and for that reason I didn't try to take any photos or videos either. So I have no proof that this happened but it very much did.
And it made sense, I realized later. I already knew that the Double Tree in Bristol was literally the only hotel in the area, where else would they be!!?
After leaving the table I was so worked up I basically walked straight out of the hotel because I didn't know what else to do and headed to the Carosel Museum of New England where I killed at least two whole hours sitting on a bench looking at intricately carved 100+ year old wooden animals while nursing my exhaustion and caffeine cravings. (The museum isn't that big, I just literally did not know what else to do with myself.)
But I learned that most carousel horses are only decorated on the side that faces the customers. And since they were all hand-carved back then, the opposite side would often be carved by a less experienced carver in training or something. ISN'T THAT NEAT?
I thought that was neat.
Anyway.
Eventually I downed an energy drink I bought from a convenience store as I went on my way to the venue of the show.
I was still super early since I ran out of the hotel super early but there was already a crowd gathered outside. At first I didn't know this was the reason people had gathered, but the first 40 people to line up were eligible to sign up for a "meet-and-greet" with everyone after the show. And when I reached the front of the line, it was still open.
"Sure?" I said, not really fully understanding what I was signing up for. And so I headed inside.
The show opened with Yakko's Universe (SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SONG) and of course closed with Yakko's World as the finale. What came in between was quite random. Despite not being an actual cast member, the real star of the show was composer Randy Rogel. Rob of course voiced Yakko and his other characters, and Randy voiced... almost everyone else haha. Just using his own voice most of the time, but still. He sang as Dot a lot.
And it seemed like he picked the songs they played not necessarily by what songs were popular, but by what songs he and Rob had stories to talk about. For example, they did a bunch of songs from the failed show Histeria when Rob literally broke into tears (he was acting) while talking about how Randy had to actually, physically, go to a library to research the topics he was writing about back in those days. Randy also played an alternate version of the song LA DOT that had sat untouched in a folder for decades.
Rob's voice doesn't sound quite the same as it used to, as anyone who has seen the 2020 Animaniacs series would know, but he can still do it all! And considering he survived throat cancer, and came back to not only work again but sing live!? He sounds amazing!
Maurice Lamarche was also of course a part of the show, and although he only "sang" one song as Brain, his interactions in character as Brain with Rob as Pinky were probably the highlight of the whole show. (They did a whole "Who's on First" sketch talking about what countries to conquer, with Pinky misunderstanding "Hungary", "Turkey" and "Chili".)
Maurice also did a showcase of his voice, including so many other Animaniacs and Futurama characters I had no idea were him, not to mention frikkin Toucan Sam and the narrator of Lexus commercials.
The only thing that disappointed me a little about the show, was they didn't really do anything from the 2020 series, but I guess Randy wasn't as involved with the music in that. So, oh well.
I didn't take many photos/videos during the show, since I wasn't fully sure of the etiquette (still kinda have my Japan brain for these sort of things) and since I was in the front row I wanted to give them my full attention. I think there are plenty of videos online anyway, since at least one segment was one I'd already seen before.
So, after the show ended, people began to line up for the meet-and-greet, and it was then that I fully understood what I had gotten myself into.
Each of us would get about a minute to talk with them individually, get their signature, and get a picture if we wanted. I was really kicking myself for not bringing anything to sign! I really had no idea it would actually be an option! (In the days leading up to the show I had been looking at Rob's website where I noticed he normally charges $60 for an autograph, so I didn't think he would do it for free.)
But more importantly, I realized I was going to have to actually face them. TALK TO THEM. The exact thing I had run away from earlier in the day.
And again, I considered just running away. But I had taken a spot on that list. A spot that could have gone to someone else and it was too late to give away now. So, I told myself, I had to see this through. No matter what.
As the line inched closer I panicked over whether they would recognize me from the hotel or not as I rehearsed in my head over and over again all the things I could say. I was honestly juggling between two or three entire scripts by the time it was finally my turn and when realized... after all that...
I did not need to say anything.
Rob saw my hoodie ("It's me!") so he knew I was there for him, and he knew I was nervous. So he did all the talking. (After all, that is his job. Literally!) He took my hand and complimented my hoodie, my hair, and everything. He said so many nice things about me (I even got a "Hellooooo nurse!") and even broke the ice by introducing me to "his friend the Brain" so I got to shake hands with Maurice as well. (I STILL THINK HE KNEW. So I felt a little awkward then but other than that) it was just such a wonderful interaction. Rob was so nice and kind and I got the impression he really, really cares about his fans.
So I missed out on the autograph, but I did get a picture, and I left the entire experience feeling so warm and fuzzy and oddly complete. Childhood dream achieved.
It took me another four busses and an uber to get home today (I left around 8am, walked into my door after 4...) but it was all very worth it.
I'm mostly at peace with how things turned out, but if I ever get the chance to see them again, at a Comicon or whatever, I'll be sure to bring a Futurama DVD boxset for Maurice to sign and maybe try to acquire an old Animanics or Mask the Animated Series VHS for Rob!
You know, it's pretty ridiculous how easy it is to meet and get signatures from famous voice actors in this country. That almost never happens in Japan. I mean, I'm planning to go to an actual Love Live concert in Japan next month, and here I am oddly depressed I can't fly out to Seattle to see Chiemi and Coco at Sakura-con instead because I might get to actually meet MEET them there haha.
Even though it would be another disaster if I actually did.
Hahah...
#another very long and rambly event/travel story from my life#maybe mostly so i myself can look back on it#but maybe you'll enjoy reading it too#animaniacs#rob paulsen#maurice lamarche
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My Atsumu headcanons
a/n: some headcanons that have been on my mind of my favorite boy
growing up his dad often worked, so in turn he spent a lot of time with his mom (making him a true momma’s boy)
when him and Osamu were 5 they would hold “magic” shows for their mom. It mainly consisted of Atsumu going behind a wall and Osamu popping out of the other side.
Atsumu suffered from terrible nightmares as a kid,so when Osamu didn’t wake up he would go into his parents room and snuggle in right between him mom and dad. He felt safe there.
As they got older their mom got to busy to watch them all the time so she signed them up for volleyball and they immediately fell in love
The twins loved seeing their mom proud of them at games (especially Atsumu) which lead them to try and practice more tricks together
everyday in elementary school as soon as Atsumu was buckled in the car he wouldn’t shut up about Aran
Momma Miya and Aran’s mom are actually pretty close because of how obsessed the twins are with Aran
through out their first year in highschool Osamu was becoming uninterested in volleyball and preferred preparing dinner with momma miya, but Atsumu would drag him outside to practice sets
Atsumu is not a playboy as everyone fanons him to be
he actually sucks at talking to girls. He gets super in his head about what to say that he comes off as a jerk and feels bad for the rest of the day.
He would always try and help his classmates. He’s definitely a giver, and doesnt often get to be the receiver :(
going along with him being a giver. Thats why he cried when Kita left him food. He was extremely happy that he was thought about what it is like to be on the opposite end
After they lost nationals in their 2nd year. Atsumu became crazy about becoming stronger so much to the point he physically and mentally exhausted himself.
Because he had gotten so sick from exhaustion. he listened to him mom and took a small break from volleyball( obviously still went to practice just not 24/7)
during this break he met a girl who actually stuck around after his failed flirting attempts
and boy did he think he was in love
after a year of dating he had heard for suna and his brother that she cheated on him:(
this broke him. Since she was his first love, and he had given her so much. She was his first kiss, first date, and he lost his virginity to her. For the beginning of this third year he completely lost the light in his eyes.
During this time his nightmares resurfaced this time more realistic, and he caught himself doing the same thing he had done as a kid.
yes, yes He would never admit it but at 17- almost 18 years old- Miya Atsumu and begged his parents at 2 in the morning if he could sleep in between them.
Atsumu gets embarrassed everytime he thinks of it
luckily by nationals he was able to get over her (for the most part) and get ready for university
Surprising, Atsumu was all about grades at uni. He worked his ass off both at school and in the gym.
He had a few girls swoon over him but he wasn’t going to date and of them in fear they would break his heart
Also i see many people fanon that he’s a fuckboy and has a ton of sex but let me make this clear. Atsumu isnt exactly demisexual but he definitely wouldnt want to fuck someone he isn’t in love with or at least sees a future with
thats why i believe he very inexperienced when it comes to sex..so no he didn’t screw around at uni
now back to before uni when Osamu told Atsumu he wasn’t going to continue with volleyball he was really upset but in reality he was heartbroken again (please give him a break)
He yelled and screamed at Osamu and for the first time momma miya had to separate them when they weren’t even physically fighting
He slept on the couch for 3 nights because he refused to sleep in the same bedroom as Osamu.
On the 4th night Atsumu finally knocked on the door and talked out all his feelings with Osamu. And he cried. He cried a lot. Osamu knew better then to make fun of him. Because of this they two made a pack with one another that they would never fight like that again.
anyway enough of him getting hurt. Atsumu’s life turned around after he got recruited for MSBY
He walked into Miya Onigiri ready to tell Osamu the exciting news when he over heard you talking behind the counter to his brother (*wink wink* you see where i’m going with this) “I’m sorry but your brother is honestly-just i-i cant even put it into words. He’s so talented” And yep he tripped into the building.
luckily he did not fall but he managed to create a very dramatic scene.
Embarrassed to say the least he was getting ready to start heading to Osamu again when your Apron got stuck on a table and you tripped right into him spilling about $20 worth of onigiri.
he caught you…in a very odd way (cuz this is realistic) but he caught you
In short you guys started to get very close all because of that very embarrassing meet-cute, and a scolding from Osamu about how you should be more careful.
Finally at 24 Atsumu wasn’t only just a giver but he equally got to be a receiver from you. He wasn’t quite ready for a relationship just yet(and you knew that) but his heart was finally opening up
also on a more random note- one time him and Omi got blackout drunk and bought a bunny. Omi claims it never happened, but the cute, tiny, white bunny in the MSBY dorms says otherwise
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu#haikyuu angst#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu!!#atsumu x reader#atsumu fluff#atsumu miya imagine#miya atsumu x reader#atsumu#atsumu miya
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This is super random lol but I just scrolled through much your anti ts tag after seeing one of your posts, and honestly, I love to see you calling out her relationships with 16/17 year olds when she was in her 20s, because nobody else ever talks about that. Or, if they do, they sweep it under the rug and brush it off while screaming “19 is too young!!!” in the same breath. (Like, note to some swifties: yes, her relationship with John was fucked up, but like… so were her relationships with teenagers. These facts can coexist.)
But anyway, seriously, thanks for sticking up for the boyfriends she wronged (especially the ones who were underage.) and pointing out some of her manipulative behaviors. I know majority on this site probably don’t like her lol but it’s hard to forget when she is everywhere, so it’s nice to stumble onto someone with some sense regarding her 🖤 and your swiftie dni tag always makes me laugh too lol.
I’m glad you enjoy the commentary! it’s honestly so disgusting the way women think it’s wrong if a man grooms a young woman but it’s somehow girl power if an older woman grooms a young man. for example, taylor, but also the way people talk about aaron taylor-johnson and his wife. she was a family friend since BEFORE HE WAS BORN, and they started dating when he was like 18-19 and had kids the second they got married. all women say is “ew he’s dating a grandma 🤢” and hating on her bc of her age, but NO ONE is criticizing the clearly grooming, borderline pedo vibe of WHY HES “dating a grandma”. they only care bc he’s hot and not dating some young hot chick. no one cared why taylor lautner and taylor swift dated, or why she dated conor kennedy, or about the specifics at all. taylor lautner was the hot “it” guy with the twilight hype and being sexualized by grown women 24/7 at the age of 17, so everyone was already desensitized to adult women wanting to fuck him, and it was so exploitative and gross. and she broke his heart in the end anyway??? so all that was for nothing anyway???
sorry I’m filled with thoughts
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1-70 skip all needed if they make you uncomfy
*deep inhale*
LONG POST INCOMING!
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
yeah! they're lovely people
02: Who did you last say I love you" to?
probably my mom
03: Do you regret anything?
I regret many things. can I think of any right now? no
04: Are you insecure?
not really, generally
05: What is your relationship status?
single, but also a minor and aroace so it's not sad or anything
06: How do you want to die?
preferably suddenly without prior notice. that way I couldn't have regrets
07: What did you last eat?
a werthers caramel
08: Played any sports?
nope
09: Do you bite your nails?
not bite with my teeth, but I pick at them often
10: When was your last physical fight?
.....I cannot remember if I ever have fought anyone physically. don't think I have
11: Do you like someone?
I like a lot of people. romantically? no
12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?
yea. completely accidentally at first, but at one point i thought "ha, I've come this far, I'm just gonna hold out" and then I did
13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?
hate is a strong word. that said, I suppose I might hate jack, cody, juan, and phoenix from school
14: Do you miss someone?
uhhhhh not really
15: Have any pets?
four cats and two dogs. three out of four cats are rescues
16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?
throat hurts but overall feel the same as ever. which is to say, not much.
17: Ever made out in the bathroom?
no. do people do that???
18: Are you scared of spiders?
not really, unless they're actively on me. theyre fuzzy and adorable
19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
....no. I don't want to forget to do something and regret it for the rest of eternity
20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?
im aroace
21: What are your plans for this weekend?
take care of neighbors cat and otherwise sleep
22: Do you want to have kids? How many?
no. might at some point tho, but adopted, and only if they're older. only one.
23: Do you have piercings? How many?
ears pierced, nothing else. only one
24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?
art, english, math
25: Do you miss anyone from your past?
no. mostly because I've forgotten them. cue existential fear of forgetting childhood friends etc etc
26: What are you craving right now?
anything cold
27: Have you ever broken someone's heart?
not to my knowledge
28: Have you ever been cheated on?
never dated
29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
nope
30: What's irritating you right now?
physical symptoms. am sick
31: Does somebody love you?
romantically? not to my knowledge. platonically? hopefully lol
32: What is your favourite color?
lavender. it took maybe four fifths of my life to figure that one out
33: Do you have trust issues?
if trusting too much counts, yeah
34: Who/what was your last dream about?
don't remember
35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?
probably random school people. I have issues with breaking down at school. usually can suppress it tho
36: Do you give out second chances too easily?
no, don't think so. if you break my trust I won't give it back easily
37: ls it easier to forgive or forget?
forget. don't mind how it's pretty much never optional for me
38: Is this year the best year of your life?
nOPE
39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?
older than I am now
40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
outside of my house? absolutely not
51: Favourite food?
actually do not know. crunchwraps from taco bell are very good. chow mein from panda express is VERY good. canned corned beef hash is great. that indian dish with the flatbread you dip in the spinach is v good.
52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
nope lol. some shit just happens
53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
uhhhhh don't remember. probably listened to a YouTube video
54: Is cheating ever okay?
look man i'm aroace and barely even understand what attraction is. i'm not the guy to ask about this
55: Are you mean?
not intentionally
56: How many people have you fist fought?
a whopping 0, here's hoping it stays that way
57: Do you believe in true love?
nah. it's all a spectrum. how long love lasts may be longer than your lifetime, but I don't think it's infinite. then again never been in love so
58: Favourite weather?
thunderstorm. the dark kind
59: Do you like the snow?
literally never seen it irl
60: Do you wanna get married?
nope. unless it's for tax benefits
61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
no that is so gross imo. you are calling me an infant. but again aroace
62: What makes you happy?
no clue, it varies and isn't guaranteed
63: Would you change your name?
eh. maybe. it'd take some time to get used to, maybe wouldn't want to put in the effort
64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
I'd kiss fluffy the cat as many times as it took for her to understand its an affection thing
65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
panic
66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
yea. Ben D. he's great
67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
my brother probably
68: Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
depends what you call deep. if this counts than whoever's reading this
69: Do you believe in soulmates?
isn't this a repeat? either way no, not exclusive to individual people anyway
70: Is there anyone you would die for?
prolly most of my friends and my parents
#theeeeeere we go. every single question#didnt take as long as expected#also didn't go as deep as expected. tho prob would be different if i was literally ever in love or even capable of that#existenceunrelateds#ask#asks#ask game
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Rewatch: Kiseki: Dear to Me
Interesting how even though I've seen this before and know how it comes out I still get scared for the mains. Fine acting!
What triggered the rewatch was to see the differences between the Gagaoolala and the Viki subtitles, after reading (and commenting on) a post on subtitles by @absolutebl. I actually only re-watched episode 1 on both services (and noticed multiple subtitle differences between the services - noted on the linked reblog) and re-watched the rest on Viki. My first watch was on Gaga.
Episode 2
7:20-7:24
Ai Di: "You coward drink cold water" (Translator's note that it refers to a children's rhyme.)
Chen Yi: "It should be 'cheapskates drink cold water'"
Cute comedy noise.
I don't view Kiseki: Dear to Me as a comedy, although there is no shortage of comic moments. But I don't recall there being cute sound effects the way they are littered all over Thai comedies.
Noting the comfort plushie at 8:42. Nice to have autism rep/normalization (and wish I had the nerve to have one when I was in school - actually it wouldn't have even occurred to me that I could have done so).
Episode 5 (I think)
Okay, there's the rooster sound when Jherui, in his sleep, gropes Bai Zhongyi and Zhongyi wakes up with an erection - or at least that's what the sound effect and Zhongyi's actions afterwards are presumably meant to represent. I guess technically this is a comedy. But its a very dry comedy with plenty of drama.
Episode ???
Then there was the cat meow when Zhongyi's classmates asked Zhongyi whether he had brought home a cat or a dog and Zhongyi flashes back about Jherui's behavior.
Yeah
Jherui = cat
Zhongyi = dog
Episode 6
8:35-8:38
Boss: We wanted you to be vicious, but you couldn't. We wanted you to be ruthless, but you are full of righteousness.
And yet in episode 1, Jherui has apparently just murdered someone and plants the evidence on Bai Zhongyi.
How ruthless do you need to be?
Good to see Jherui question his attraction to a 17 year old. (For the record, the actors are adults and 17 is of legal age in Taiwan, although it's questionable at the moment with Jherui pretending to be Zhongyi's teacher.)
Actually, I'm questioning a 17 year old being in an apartment on his own while he goes to high school. That was the first thing I questioned.
Good cries
Three places I remember crying:
When Zhongyi sits down to dinner with his family for the first time after getting out of prison
When Zhongyi rings the doorbell at room 703 and says Jherui's name when the door opens
At the end
Content warnings
I love this series and do need to give some content warnings:
Age gap with one partner legal but minor
Dubious consent due to drunkenness of otherwise legal adults
Violence
Plot holes
After the jump because spoilers
Way too many coincidences
Did Jherui's grandfather or anyone else in the Fan family do something to make Zhongyi's father need emergency heart surgery?
Who sent the text that the Fans had Zhongyi attacked in prison?
Don't they know that text messages aren't secure? Or are they secure in Taiwan?
Jherui's brother doesn't seem to know about text message insecurity either, does he?
How did Ai Di get into prison and, presumably, the same cell as Zhongyi?
How did Ai Di get a release date the same as Zhongyi?
If Sining thought Zhongyi actually killed her brother, why didn't she off him?
If, more likely, based on her actions, if she was trying to find out who really killed her brother, what tipped her off that it likely wasn't Zhongyi?
How sweet were the strawberry cakes in Zhongyi's patisserie?
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Happy March 29th, or as the nerds I'm friends with know it to be, Happy "Sing to Me Instead" Day!
While I could do my yearly raving about the album, I want to take a different approach and talk about the times of my life that coincided with Ben's music as a whole being released.
"Sing to Me Instead" came out in March of 2019 (5 years ago today!) I was 14 years old and newly coming into my queer identity. The music video for "Ease My Mind," a video that shows Ben and a portrayal of his partner in a soft, domestic setting, was legitimately the first time I saw two people of the same gender being happy together in that way. Before that, the word "gay" had been used against me in a derogatory way: "You look gay. / People are going to think you're gay if you dress like that." Not even in the sense of "dressing like a lesbian" (though queerness does not have a dress code, I should make clear), more in the sense of "gay = bad/something you don't want to be." So, to actually see a piece of what gay meant, and to see that it wasn't anything derogatory-- bad-- terrifying... was a huge moment for me. A moment that led me to find other queer media, leading into finding sapphic media such as the musical "The Prom" and music by "The Indigo Girls" and other queer female artists who I still love now, all this time later.
"Reverie" came out in August of 2021. I was 17 and happy with my identity, not dealing with the confusion and fear that I had felt amidst "Sing to Me Instead." I had entered my first ever relationship and thought I felt "reverie"-- pleasant daydreaming, calm, joy-- boy, oh, boy was I wrong. It was a love that hurt, a love that kicked me when I was down and bruised me. "dark times" and "leave my mind" were looped a lot, all the time, 24/7, because that was what helped me to drown out those words that person spewed to me, the words that bruised, slithered into my mind and heart and stuck like super glue-- so terribly hard to wash away-- and kicked me down far into a pit that I spent quite a long, long, long time digging myself out of. Thankfully, I am out of that pit, though the words haunt me sometimes. They fade with every passing day. Thank goodness.
"Honeymind" will come out on May 31st of this year. I will be 19 (as I am now). By then, my partner (@strawberryfemmesapphic) and I will have been together for a year. And while the album will not release on our anniversary (because Ben does not line up his release dates for one specific lesbian couple haha), it will be close enough. The way Ben describes love with this album's concept-- "my love for him somehow softens things up and slows it all down. Like all the jagged thoughts and fears and anxieties always jutting out in my brain are slowly smoothed out, until my whole mind is thickly coated and dripping with pervading warmth and sweetness."-- is the best way I can describe what I feel for her. I don't like to use other people's words, but this reigns true. The softness and ease I feel by just hearing their voice is unmatched. I sometimes visualize my thoughts as if they are tumbling downward like the scene in "Alice in Wonderland," where Alice first falls down the rabbit hole into Wonderland; falling fast and not easily able to climb back up the hole. (There I go using someone else's work to prove my point). Their voice alone can help my thoughts not be as scattered and to smooth out in a more manageable way. They view it as rambling, I view it as helping me in a way I have never been helped before. She gives me honeymind. After all the previously mentioned confusion and fear and heartache and sleepless nights, I have honeymind. My heart is safe, through every twist and turn it took for our paths to cross.
So, all in all, I am unbelievably grateful for Ben's music. These albums and songs have helped me through the most vulnerable times of growing into my teenage years and growing into my queerness. Finding and growing into healthy love, too.
<3
#music#ben platt#sing to me instead#reverie#honeymind#love songs#i love my girlfriend a lot#and I am unbelievably excited to dedicate many a song from honeymind to her#and I'm saying that when not even knowing any songs! besides 'andrew' but that doesn't apply lmao
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What’s your opinions on J?
I don’t like him to put it simply. A lot of R’s fans see them as a package deal but I don’t and will never see him as someone I have to support because I like R.
There’s some R fans who genuinely like him and I can respect that. However, majority don’t care about him and use their relationship to get likes from R on Twitter. It’s shameless.
One thing about me is I don’t care who my fav celeb dates, if I don’t like their partner I will not support the relationship and won’t change my opinion for a like on Twitter from said celeb. Everyone always says “if you like R, you would want her happy and J makes her happy!” Every time someone says that I roll my eyes. If R/J break up tomorrow, the same people will slander him and say “I never liked him anyways!”
Anyways! Here’s the list of reasons why I don’t like J:
1. The most obvious and disgusting: how they started dating. They met when she was 17 (she blew out her 18th birthday candles on set of WSS and Spielberg himself said they had “sparks” and told R to stop giving heart eyes to J when filming…) and he was 23/24? And it looks like he lied about his age too so he’s a year older than originally thought…wow. The issue isn’t their age gap, it’s when the age gap started. If you have to wait until your partner becomes age appropriate to date publicly then it’s predatory and creepy. I also have reason to believe they started dating privately before she was 20. The whole “besties” crap they did for 3 years didn’t fool me. And even if nothing happened, waiting 3 years to ask your gf out because she’s now the right age is so gross. I’m around R’s age and the thought of pursing someone younger than 22 grosses me out. I don’t want to talk about prom or algebra homework on date nights…
I’m also willing to bet 10 billion dollars if someone asked R if she would date/pursue an 18 year old as 22(going 23 year old) she would say no….
Exactly my point….
2. I really don’t like his silence on R’s hate. A ig post, a comment or something would be better than nothing. This is a personal pet peeve of mine though so maybe not everyone feels as strongly about it. She puts 100000000 percent into him publicly and he does nothing in return.
3. I think he’s unprofessional tbh. I was not impressed with him during TBOSAS tour. He seemed either drunk or incoherent during some of the interviews or easily irritated. R had to save him on multiple occasions because he didn’t seem present or know what’s going on. However, I did think he was occasionally funny, insightful at times, had a nice vibe with Hunter / T and from what I’ve seen, he’s a great singer. I also found him giving love notes to R and T while filming really sweet. Other than that I wasn’t feeling his vibe at all. There’s a video I saw (found it) where R, T and J walked into someone’s livestream video. T immediately greeted the crowd and so did R and J stood in the background awkwardly with a smile. R also enthusiastically told T that she had the same sweater as someone behind the camera and T replied with interest then R quickly grabbed J so he doesn’t feel left out.
4. Adding to the above, R needs to be careful with having herself linked to him unnecessarily. She mentioned that she turned down playing Lucy Gray because she was going to be away from home too long and magically her bf gets cast and BAM, she accepts the role. Imagine turning down this role, a role that the director personally wanted you for and in a franchise you love because you’ll be away from your bf too long. I call BS on everyone not knowing that he was her bf beforehand. The fact that we know this is horrible. She shouldn’t be on any more projects with him and should allow him to do his own thing. It’s not her job to help him get a job.
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SEEK MAGAZINE VOL.04 — 50 QUESTIONS INTERVIEW WITH ONEW
1. What kind of book are you currently interested in?
O: A book on world cultures. I have a deep understanding of our country as compared towhat I know of the world. So I thought that I should learn about the different ways of thinking of the rest of the world that I don’t know. That’s why I read it.
2. What kind of movies do you like?
O: I love horror films!
3. When you were in school, what is the subject you’re weak at?
O: Math…
4. When you were in school, what is the subject you’re best at?
O: Science!
5. If your girlfriend cooks for you, what dish would you like her to cook?
O:Dakdolitang!
6. What is your ideal type in a girl?
O: A girl with a cute aura.
7. Which hairstyle do you prefer in a girl? Short, bob, semilong, or long?
O: Short hair.
8. What is your favorite number?
O: 2. I feel like it has a sense of stability.
9. If a girl could give you a message, what words would make you happy?
O: I would be happy if I were told, “Your voice is really beautiful.”
10. What Korean dish would you recommend to your Japanese fans?
O: Samgyetang
11. Please wink for us.
(photo)
12. What SHINee song would you recommend to lift someone’s spirit when they’re feeling down?
O: 321
13. What if you invited a girl you like to a date, how will you approach her?
O: I think that instead of asking her out boldly, I will do it secretly and in private(LOL).
14. Recently, is there anything that made you feel happy or energetic?
O: I took awalk after a long time! The trees were so green, and when I saw them I can feel the nature. The wind also felt really nice.
15. What is your treasure?
O: My family, myself, my fans. And the people around me who support me.
16. What is your favorite (Japanese) word?
O: Smile.Because a smiling face is the best.
17. What is your recent favorite fashion item?
O: Fedora hats.
18. What is a food you dislike?
O: Cucumbers.
19. Please hold out your hand.
(photo)
20. What is your favorite smell?
O: The smell of trees. They have a calming feeling.
21. What is your ideal age to get married?
O: I wonder how old would be good…about 35 years old? (LOL)
22. What is your latest hobby/game that interests you?
O: Bowling! I even bought My Ball! I’m thinking of seriously doing it (LOL).
23. What is your special skill?
O:Hmm..ttakbam (LOL)
24. What is your favorite food?
O: Chicken! I love chicken! I like any dish with chicken!
25. Please give us a flying kiss!
(photo)
26. Please make a crying face.
(photo)
27. What is a book you like?
A: Poetry. It is an accumulation of unsaid feelings and is easy to read.
28. How do you relieve stress?
O: I guess this is also by walking. Like, taking a walk through a place I’ve never ventured before. Since it’s a place I’m unfamiliar with, I become observant of the things around me and it’s exciting, discovering a lot of new things. With that, my mood becomes better. I recommend it to everyone!
29. What is your charm point?
O: My voice!
30. What is the most interesting dream you had?
O: Hmm..I forgot. LOL. I may have had dreams but I don’t really remember them?
31. What did you eat last night?
O: Ramen!
32. If you’re taking a walk with your girlfriend, what is better? holding hands or linking arms?
O: Holding hands would be better, I think~
33. What present would you give your girlfriend if you’re celebrating your first anniversary?
O: Hmm…what would be nice? …Will you give me suggestions? (LOL)
34. What is your weak point?
O: I get easily influenced by other people’s opinions.
35. What is something you want to do before you die?
O: Something that seems to feel really good–Skydiving!
36. What do you wear when you sleep?
O: T-shirt and shorts.
37. What is your dream when you were young?
O: To be a scientist or architect
38. When you go out, what item should definitely be in your bag?
O: My phone, wallet, and room keys
39. What is the first thing you do upon waking up?
O: Check the time.
40. What is something that you are secretly proud of?
O: No matter what I’m going to start doing or no matter where I am going, I always prepare for it.
41. Which do you prefer, roller coaster or haunted house?
O: If I can choose, then roller coaster.
42. Please make a gesture showing, “keep it a secret”!
(photo)
43. What is your favorite sport?
O: Favorite sport, I don’t have one (LOL).
44. What do you buy in a convenience store?
O: I often buy sweets or drinks.
45. Are you the type of person who eats his favorite food first or last?
O: Either. It depends on what I feel during that time.
46. How do you spend time in your room?
O: If there is time, I sleep a lot.
47. What is your favorite animal?
O: Giraffe
48. What is your favorite color?
O: Blue!
49. What is your favorite season?
O: Although they pass by easily, spring and autumn.
50. (Q fromSWJ): Onew-san always has a smiling face, but if a problem comes up, what do you do to calm yourself down?
O: First, I sleep (LOL). But I don’t sleep to forget about it. I sleep mainly to /reset/ and regain my presence of mind. Then I think it over again,what I lacked/missed and what I need to do.
trans.
#141002#onew#lee jinki#jinki#shinee#im your boy era#interviews#seek magazine#seek vol 04#long post#keihissi#trans
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thinkin' about how if i decide to go back on hrt....maybe i'll have an easier time than i did years ago.
used to be depressed because i felt like i was forced to not be able to enjoy "feminine" things. mainly because when i was transitioning...lots of post i saw online was about how to "pass". it was like nonsense...like "trans men can't have colorful hair or wear nail polish!" "no dresses, skirts, or makeup!" "men don't wear band tees!" "men have to walk and stand a certain way" yes all of these things were said by other trans men. i was like 17-18 at the time. i was miserable with worrying about what others thought and that i wasn't being trans "properly". even an old therapist of mine said "you can't be a trans man and like feminine things or wear dresses." yes my own THERAPIST said that to me. as someone who is now 24. i simply DO NOT care what people think I can and can't do. "trans men can't--" OH WELL TO BAD GO CRY ABOUT IT. in the end i live my life for me. NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE. if you wanna do force yourself to be a certain way and not enjoy things you like. that's on you. keep it to yourself.
I was in an unhealthy relationship during it....i felt like i couldn't truly be myself or grow into the person i wanted to be while dating my ex. he claims he "supported" me...but still pointed out things about my body that he liked....(boobs, hips, etc.) i would say that it would give my dysphoria and made me uncomfortable. so i felt like i had to present as a "woman" around him. even when we met in person...i felt ashamed if i wore a binder...so i didn't...and felt horrible.
i dumped him like 2019...so i really feel free to do what actually makes me happy. not others.
#.txt#as someone who is a fan of 70's and 80's music and other things#there were maaaaany cis men who were 'feminine'#my two faves of course being elton john and freddie mercury#take a look at them and their fashion throughout the years#two cis men. there you go. case closed
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In the Middle of the Night: Chapter 25
Chapter 25: "어둠 내린 바다의 등대가"
Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30
MASTERLIST
AN: And it’s back! Thank you everyone for your patience. It’s been quite the 2 months. Hopefully, I’ll be able to come back to a regular weekly, or at least Bi-weekly, posting. Happy reading! 🥰
Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.
Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut
Rating: M (mention of sexual assault, explicit language, sexual scenes in prior chapters)
Status: COMPLETE
Warnings/spoilers: Therapy
*******
“Sorry,” I said, wiping the tears that were coming down.
Walking through Dr. Rob’s door, I had the greatest confidence, but once I had sat down that confidence wavered. And when he had asked a total of one question and then my eyes turned into floodgates.
“How are you doing?” That had been the question. Such a simple one, but the answer wasn't. I was a mess.
I knew that I was going to end up crying sometime during our session, but I didn’t think it would be this early on.
Dr. Rob was quiet for a moment, allowing me to get through my emotions.
I apologized again once I settled.
“You slipped back,” he said, his eyes bore on me.
I stared back, feeling like he could see right into my pain. Dr. Rob had always been intuitive and read me well.
“I thought we kicked the habit of you apologizing for your emotions two years ago,” he said with observant eyes. “Took a lot of hard work.”
He was right. It was something I had worked hard on. I didn’t cry often, much less around other people. It was an automatic response: apologizing for my emotions. During my very first session with Dr. Rob years ago, I shed a few tears and I said those words to him. It became our first lesson: not apologizing for emotions. I was entitled to feel what I felt without judgment and apologies.
“I shouldn’t have stopped seeing you, huh?” I asked, voicing the disappointment I had in myself.
“You’re here now, that’s what’s important,” he pointed out, his voice softer. “I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty.”
I felt embarrassed about my tears and wiped them off. But right as I did it, I saw how silly it was to feel embarrassed. I had cried enough times in front of Dr. Rob; there was no reason why I should feel embarrassed by it. “You’re right, though. Old shit is coming up again. And affecting me in new ways. I don't know what's happening.”
He nodded, not saying a word. He was letting me lead the conversation however I wanted. At least for the time being.
I was quiet for a moment, thinking what the best way to beat around the bush was. “I started dating my best friend.”
Dr. Rob showed no reaction, his eyes focused fully on me.
I continued to give a quick summary of Namjoon and me getting together some months back. Said how we both agreed in taking things slow, but in the last month or so things had been picking up quickly. I talked about the night of our breakup: us having sex, me getting a late call from my mother that lead to a fight, which then lead to Namjoon and my breakup.
“He said he needs someone who’s more open. And someone who doesn’t give it up so easily. Those were his words. He needs someone he can respect.” I did my best to keep my voice steady. It was difficult to as his voice saying those words echoed in my head.
Dr. Rob frowned and leaned forward. “Do you think he meant he doesn’t respect you?”
I gave a slight shrug. “That’s what it sounded like.”
“What did he say exactly? What were the words he used?”
“He said he couldn’t be in a relationship where it was just about sex. He wants more. And that he couldn’t go back to being friends. He respects himself too much.” I was amazed at how I was able to let out the words without my voice shaking. It was stable and tears were coming down, but my voice stayed stable.
Dr. Rob looked at me quietly for a long moment, thinking. It took a good while before he spoke up. “Do you agree with him that it was just about sex?”
I paused for a moment and thought, as Dr. Rob had taught me to do a long time ago. I tended to speak before thinking. It was something I worked on during our past sessions. I thought back to the three months Namjoon and I had been together. We spent so much time with each other. Much of it was laughing and hanging out in different settings—dinner, museums, hiking. There had been some deep, meaningful conversations in between, but maybe not as many as we had when we were exclusively friends. In the last month of our relationship, sex did seem to be what we did often. “I can see how he saw it that way. In the last couple of weeks, we hardly left his room or mine. But it wasn’t always like that. We did more than just sex.”
“Why does it hurt so much when he said to you that you ‘gave it up easily’?” Dr. Rob asked.
I thought back to the many emotions that had been running through me. About the words and how they affected me. “I didn't think my sexual appetite was a problem. It’s not like I’ve had many sexual partners. I’m in my 30s and I can count on two hands how many guys I’ve slept with. But, with his words…I don’t know. Maybe I have been with too many guys? Maybe I am too sexual? Maybe I need to change my mindset on sex? Maybe…maybe I’m not over the assault and I’m using sex as a weapon? I don’t know.” I let out some of the many thoughts that had gone through my brain the last few nights.
Dr. Rob seemed to be in deep thought. It was almost like he had dozens of questions he had, but trying to decide which was the best one to ask first. “Being with him, did you ever think about the man who assaulted you?”
“Not while we were having sex. He would come up in my head at random times, especially since I've come back to LA.”
“Why do you think you’re thinking more of him since you came back?” he asked curiously.
My mother immediately came to mind. I told Dr. Rob about Thanksgiving and about my outburst confession regarding my assault. Then I explained in more detail what the fight between my mother and me over the phone was about.
“Do you think I’m not over my assault and it's somehow blocking me from Namjoon?” I asked straight up.
“Well, I don’t think you’ll ever be over your assault. That’s a journey that’ll always stay with you. You will hopefully move on from it. And then it might rise later in life and manifest into something else. Only time and life will tell. Do you think you’re over it? That it’s blocking you from Namjoon?”
I thought for a moment, remembering the year before Namjoon and I had gotten together. I had a brief sexual relationship with a guy in Seoul. It was nothing too serious—I never came to love him, but I was with him for several months. “I think it helped that I had another sexual partner before Namjoon. The assault definitely caused me to be physically closed off. Being with that other guy helped me regain my comfort in my own skin. Getting to the point of being ok with a guy touching me took a while.”
I remembered how broken I had been when I first visited Dr. Rob. I felt like my skin wasn’t mine. Jerry and I had only had sex a few times due to my inability to be ok with his touch. I had never told Jerry about the assault either, yet I don’t believe that it contributed to our breakup. It did, however, contribute to my lack of sexual appetite and self-esteem.
“I imagine if Namjoon had been my first partner after the fucker, things wouldn’t have gone so smoothly between us as far as sex goes,” I admitted after mulling it over.
“Before the night of the breakup, how were things in the bedroom between the two of you?”
“Great. We were quick to get in tune with one another. I thought it was going to take longer or things would get a bit awkward, but they never really did.”
“You always felt comfortable telling him your sexual needs? Did you ask him openly about his limits and wants?”
I nodded. “He always asks for my consent in everything we do—whether it's verbally or stopping and waiting until I give him a clear nod or clear vocal confirmation. There were a handful of times when we would be eating and I would ask him his preferences and where his line was. I asked when we were alone and sex was not about to take place. We made sure to have these talks when we were clear of mind.”
Dr. Rob nodded. “So, you had discussed anal sex ahead of time?”
I nodded. It felt much easier to talk about sex with someone other than my Tia Jia. “Namjoon doesn’t believe in safe words—to him a ‘no’ or ‘stop’ is more than enough.”
“Did you ever use the safe words—or rather, say ‘no’ or ‘stop’?”
It took a moment to think back. I wanted to be fully honest. “I don’t believe so.”
“Nothing with him felt like it was going over the line?”
I shook my head.
“What about him? Did he ever stop himself or you during an act?”
“Only when he thought I felt uncomfortable or wanted confirmation before he continued. Namjoon tends to be more hesitant, so I usually had him lead. I personally wouldn’t mind pushing the line a little more.”
“Did you tell him that?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“We’re still so new. I have a few kinks and didn’t want to scare him off so quickly,” I said with a slight, nervous chuckle.
However, Dr. Rob didn’t find this to be a joke. “Do you fear your sexual preferences will scare him off?”
I shook my head instantly. “No! I was joking. My kinks aren’t that extreme. What I meant was that I wanted to ease into it and pace our relationship. Isn’t that how a relationship works? You slowly get to know each other and ease into one another’s lives?”
Dr. Rob simply looked at me, a slight frown deepening. He looked away and seemed to think about something.
I was confused by this look. “What?” I asked.
"You've been friends for so long. You considered him your best friend for close to two years when you got together. Don't you think that the pacing between the two of you wouldn't fall under 'normal' pacing?"
"Being a couple and being friends are two very different things," I countered. "How you are with your boyfriend isn't how you would be with your best friend. They're vastly different."
Dr. Rob was quiet for a while, pondering and thinking. I didn't want to push him, knowing how he worked. He usually asked a lot of questions first to get a feel of things and then he hit me with the jugular. After a long moment, he asked another question. “How do you guys get along? What’s the mood like when you guys hang out together?”
I wish I could go into Dr. Rob's mind and see what he was thinking. But I knew I had to wait. I hated waiting.
*****
Hours later, I was walking into my home feeling completely exhausted.
“Hi, sweetheart.” My Tia Jia greeted me and pulled me into a warm embrace.
She had informed me she was going to be coming over. Yoongi had finally decided to go out with his staff. I knew Tia Jia didn’t like the idea of leaving me alone, especially after my session with my therapist.
As she pulled away, she took my face in her hands and cradled it with love. “How was it?”
“Ok, but long.”
Tia Jia pulled away and motioned to the couch. We both went over to it and sat down. “What did you guys discuss?” she asked.
I pulled at my sleeves, tugging the material closer to my skin. “Mostly about Namjoon. That night in particular.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked carefully.
I shook my head. “Not at the moment. I feel so drained from it.”
Tia Jia reached over and rubbed my leg, comforting me. “When’s your next appointment?”
“Saturday.”
“This Saturday? Two days in one week?”
“Yeah.” I pulled my legs up, brought them to my chest, and placed my arms above my knees.
Tia Jia had nothing but concern written on her face.
“It sounds like a lot, but there was still so much to go over. We mostly talked about Namjoon and my relationship. The fucker who assaulted me was hardly brought up. I honestly just want to tackle that issue and figure out how he still has such power over me.”
Tia Jia let out a heavy sigh. “Well, just make sure to take plenty of water. It’s going to exhaust you.”
I nodded and lowered my head, pressing my mouth into the crease of my arm. The pressure eased me a little.
********
Days later, I found myself sitting in the same seat in front of Dr. Rob. This time, I didn’t cry when he asked how I was. I felt more at ease during the session.
“Would you disagree on anything?” Dr. Rob asked about my relationship with Namjoon 15 minutes into our session. The fucker who assaulted me still had not been mentioned, but it seemed as if the topic of Namjoon was going to be the main focus again.
“Doesn’t every couple?” I asked with a slight chuckle.
This time, Dr. Rob cracked a smile. “Obviously. But before the night of the breakup, what would you say your biggest disagreement was on?”
It didn’t take long to know the answer to this. “Being secretive with his team.”
“Did he want to tell his team about the two of you?”
I gave a nod.
“And you didn’t?”
I shook my head.
“Why not?”
I went on to describe to Dr. Rob how the culture was with idols in South Korea. How intrusive the media was. I was worried about the public finding out about us and it backfiring on Namjoon and the group.
“When you used this as an argument, how did Namjoon react?”
“He insisted his team would keep our secret. But I just didn’t want to run the risk.”
“But what about Namjoon? It is his life. Shouldn’t he have a say and decide whether he wants to risk his career or not?” Dr. Rob’s tone wasn’t harsh but it wasn’t gentle either.
“Of course. But what if it didn’t work out? Then he would have risked it for no reason,” I said defensively. “We were only together for three months. That’s way too soon.”
“Too soon?” he said, with a slight look of disbelief.
“Yes. Normally, people date for about six months before things get too serious. There’s progress in a relationship.”
“True, but who says it has to be six months for a couple to be considered serious?”
“No one takes a couple who's only been dating for three months seriously.”
“I know of some couples who were only together for six months when they tied the knot. And they’ve been together for more than two decades. I know another couple who moved in together after only dating a month and they’ve been together for eight years,” he countered.
“Well, they’re the exception, not the rule,” I said automatically.
Dr. Rob cracked a smile. “Are you quoting He’s Just Not That Into You?”
“Well, you did recommend the book to me years ago,” I said back.
He let out a chuckle. “I did. After you voiced to me that you were having a hard time knowing what was in a guy’s head and having trouble dating after you went to Korea.”
I nodded.
He waited a moment before asking his next question. “Do you think you’re a rule—not an exception?”
For a good while, I thought about my life. About never feeling special. Despite my musical talents and physical looks, I never felt exceptional. I had never felt treasured, other than with Tia Jia. But even with Tia Jia, I saw how she was with her two children and grandchildren and friends. She made everyone feel special. My brothers had always treated me like one of the boys growing up—normal, average. It was difficult to feel special when I had gone decades feeling so mediocre.
After I didn’t answer his question, he pressed with another. “Did Namjoon make you feel like the rule?” Dr. Rob asked, pulling me from my negative thoughts.
Memories of Namjoon’s and my first date popped into my head. The dinner he had made me. How he chanced walking next to me in Cheonggyecheon despite the crowd. Had I felt special? Yes. But then again, it was Namjoon. He knew people so well and knew how to make anyone feel special. It was his special power. “He knows how to make everyonefeel special. I don’t think I’m an exception.”
Dr. Rob thought for a good while again, deciphering my words. “So, if you think you can’t be his exception, do you want to be his rule?”
I frowned, not fully understanding.
Dr. Rob went on to clarify. “You might be considering this Rule Vs. Exception as if it's written law. When dating someone, in order for it to work, one must either be the Rule or the Exception. To you, because you have never thought of yourself as special or unique, you will never be someone’s exception. So, in order for your relationship with Namjoon to work, you have to see yourself as The Rule. And the Rule follows social rules in dating. There are progress steps: be together for six months in order to be considered serious in the eyes of society.”
I was left stunned. Was that how I was viewing myself in my relationship with Namjoon? “I never thought about it that way,” I admitted.
“One of the obstacles we didn’t get to fully tackle before was your self-worth and self-esteem when it came to your emotions. We focused mostly on your sexual assault and your prior relationships because those affected you the most during that time. I noted this during our sessions but it kept getting pushed back. I would really like to dive into it this time.”
“What do you mean by my self-worth and self-esteem with my emotions?” I asked, a bit confused.
“When it comes to your musical talents, you’re very sure of yourself. You have the biggest confidence on stage and when you’re in a board meeting about your career. The same can be said about your intellect. But for some reason, your emotions when it comes to personal relationships, they're a different story. I would really like to dig a little deeper into that.”
I thought about how I quickly apologized for crying the other day. I think I understood. My emotions were definitely not something I had full control over.
“We’ll circle to this later, but let’s go back to Namjoon and how the two of you disagreed. When you guys fought, how did you settle those fights?” Dr. Rob asked.
I thought carefully. “We never really get into huge fights—not counting the breakup. We had some disagreements, sure, but nothing too heavy.”
“You’ve never had a big fight?”
Doing my best, I searched my memories. “Well…” I said, suddenly remembering. “We had one years ago.”
“How did you resolve it?”
I thought long and hard and couldn’t remember. It happened such long ago.
Dr. Rob understood my silence. “Ok. Let’s take it from the top. What caused the fight?”
----------------
NOTES: Next chapter will all be a flashback.
MASTERLIST
Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30
#inthemiddleofthenight#rm smut#rm fanfic#rm x reader#rm x oc#bts fanfic#rm x maya#fluff and smut#friends to lovers#fluff#secret relationship#therapy#Spotify
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I'm pretty sure I was one of those people who thought at first that Scott dating Knives was okay
I've assumed that because it's a good comic that automatically means it teaches good values too, the correct values.
If he's 23/24 and she's 17 then the age gap technically isn't that bad, and the opinion that they should be together was being presented by someone with far more "normality" then anyone who disagrees and stands for the opposite might be... wrong.
I only changed my opinion when I've heard that this was supposed to be a wrong thing to believe.
It's weird isn't it?
In a hypothetical situation where a twelve year old dates a fifteen year old... that's bad, because as a twelve year old you're nothing more than a kid and a fifteen year old is... a bit more brass? surely way more aware about the state of the world, bitter
a fifteen year old is way more emotionally developed than a twelve year old
...which must mean... relationship difficulties? instability? wait no ... there must be a better conclusion I just have to keep on thinking about it... I know that is it objectively WRONG because that's what everyone around me SAYS, but WHY?
wouldn't work out... kid and their superior...
I remember when my twelve year old classmate used to date a fifteen year old guy
I remember that being her decidion
I remember not thinking much about it other than that she is out there, fulfilling her own sense of understanding over what she wants from this world...
My mom criticized it.
Is there a way to be wrong about this... surely yeah...
I'll be honest I've spoken to a person my age who said something along the lines of our forty something married hostel caretaker having dilf energy I dunno
Are you trying to tell me that is NOT just teenage culture and an actual problem right now or something
I mean she's never getting her hands on him either way
I have no clue how a 23/22 year old sees this world I am not that old yet
Okay okay so the way this should be understood would be.
How do you think critically of things again...
WHAT is the problem?--- it must be the difference between emotional states, and development.
WHEN is it a problem? ...when people hurt each other?
you wouldn't expect someone younger than you to be a co-parent so why would you expect them to be your partner.
and since romantic attraction of any kind is built on ideas of trust and equality
that makes one party have a difference over the other
a noticable, off-putting difference.
But IS it a problem?
It's a problem, one that many people blatanly IGNORE are pursue those kinds of relationships anyway
Doesn't that by itself negate the problem? or does it co-exist with it?
upperclassman are just dicks who put you down the second school's over aren't they?
I hear advice bout not datin upperclassman cause they always dump you
it can't be right can it? nothing could ever justify it as alright, but by the way that everyone is doing it even though it's a bad idea...
it's normal for THEM.
who the fuck invented that??
There's actually a lot of questions you're asking that don't really play to the game, as it were. The issue with a 17/23 gap is mostly that one of these people is on the final stretch of mental development, while the other is still trying to learn Pythagoras theory and go to the prom.
The points being in the narrative aren't immediately as blunt as some people required (I hadn't really considered the issue until my second reading) but part of the point is that Scott is subconsciously aware of his own mistake, which is why he's not actually trying to take advantage of her as much as he clearly could. He's being a problem but he's not intentionally malicious.
I think if you're this thoughtful on the subject you should go read into the distinct differences between various age groups, because 12/15 isn't as significant as 17/23, but if you're younger you'll start to figure it out as you get older considering your clear desire to question things.
I can't really give you the best advice on this except you should try to form paragraphs that are 3-8 sentences long and keep a flowing point over the paragraph that embodies your point
here have a cat pic
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it feels really weird to call evangelical christianity a cult but it fits every criteria of the BITE model (control of Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotions) because it's so fucking normalized. America is basically controlled by a cult. and it makes it harder for me to come to terms with or even name what I went through being raised in the thick of evangelical fundamentalist-lite homeschooling as abuse because it's so fucking normalized.
It's finally clicking for me that even the ways I was treated as a young child were pretty fucked up. Ive been working with kids with behavior issues much more severe than anything I ever did as a child for the past three years, and the thought of yelling at them the way my mom yelled at me horrifies me. If I, at the ages of 21-24, can keep my calm while breaking up an actual physical fight between two 12 year olds or being threatened and actually hit by a 15 year old, my parents had no excuse for screaming at me for being grumpy over my school work or leaving a couple toys on the couch. My dad started hiding my things once including my favorite stuffed animal because I left some craft stuff on the table (the one I was supposedly allowed to do crafts on) and my stuffed animal in his office after playing Minecraft.
I don't think the religious abuse really did start until I was in middle school, but I'm finally realizing abuse had always been there. it just became more easily recognizable the more evangelicals started idolizing Trump and Republican political issues became even more closely tied with religious moral panic. I was 15 or 16 when Trump began his political campaign and 17 when he was officially elected. I know things were brewing before then, but I became more aware of politics then. When I was 15-16 I was in sports 3-5 days a week, college classes 2 days a week, two different bible studies, church youth group, normal church on Sundays, and I was expected to accept whatever babysitting jobs I was offered whenever I could fit them in with my other obligations. No shit I didn't also want to do choir and volunteer for church childcare, I was tired as fuck and desperate to have fun on my own terms. but no, the TV or video games or comic books I chose to have fun with were demonic if they had any amount of fantasy demons or any hint of a queer character, or if my parents couldn't find anything morally reprehensible about them then it meant they were idols and would lead my heart away from god as well. Every little thing that wasn't academic or religious was a slippery slope that would lead me into hell. I was heavily pressured to "court" instead of date and to save my first kiss for marriage, and that every piece of affection I gave someone who was not my husband was something I would never be able to give to whatever man I did eventually marry.
AND the fucking academic neglect because "freedom of religion" plus homeschooling meant my parents were allowed to teach me that the earth was only 6000 years old. Wasn't even taught geography.
But at least I was allowed to wear pants I guess.
#i just ended up not telling them a lot of shit lol#hoo man if my mom knew what homestuck was actually about#they stopped punishing/grounding me as an adult but yhere was still a lot of lectures about my spiritual health#and hella eyebrow raises if i wanted to wear a crop top. god forbid i wear short shorts#vent#religious trauma#emotional abuse
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found this on my old facebook page and i'm supposed to be working so naturally i'm doing this instead
1. Real name → spreadsheet or talls
2. Nickname(s) → talls, tally, headshrimp, doe, ss
3. Status → alive
4. Zodiac sign → leo
5. Male or female → lmao. naw.
6. Elementary School → too many
7. Middle School → too many
8. High School → graduate
10. Hair color → black
11. Long or short → long
12. Loud or Quiet → yes
13. Sweats or Jeans → currently wearing slacks
14. Phone or Camera → phone
15. Health freak → does helth count
17. Do you have a crush on someone? → not really, no
18. Eat or Drink → drink
19. Piercings → ears
21. Water or Fire → listen to me. i have this very interesting idea about a water bender that can heat water. NOT a fire bender. a water bender, but i haven't done any research on what happens to water molecules when they heat up and how a bender of ONLY water could do that, but like i figure if water benders can make ice they can probably ALSO heat water? food for thought
22. Love of your life or 4 Billion Dollars → i'm gonna take the money because with 4 billion dollars my ass can save LIVES. i don't care about falling in love with someone romantically, i just want to help people.
FIRSTS:
23. First fear → abandonment
24. First best friend → mindy
25. First award → most improved in science or something
26. First crush → some guy named scott
27. First pet → sherikhan
28. First big vacation → not sure i've ever done one of those
30. First big birthday → fifth? ninth? who can remember their childhood. not this bitch.
CURRENTLY:
49. Eating → fruity pebbles
50. Drinking → pinot noir
52. I'm about to → finish this thing i'm working on
53. Listening to → starstruck - christopher wilde
54. Plans for today → the days over bestie it's like midnight
55. Waiting for → me to get my head out of my ass and finish this stupid newsletter for my fucking job so i can go to bed.
YOUR FUTURE:
58. Want kids?→ who has money for that
59. Want to get married? no lol
60. What careers do you have in mind? considering i'm 10 years deep in a marketing and communications career, i obviously want to leave all of that behind to own a bookstore in a sleepy sea side town in ireland
WHICH IS BETTER WITH GUYS/WOMEN?
68. Lips or eyes → eyes
70. Shorter or taller? → idk man
72. Romantic or spontaneous → no thanks
73. Nice Legs or belly?→ i'm telling on myself, but belly. when bellies are just delicately round i'm like ohhhh noooo.
74. Sensitive or loud → sensitive
75. Hook-up or relationship → seeing my old answers knowing i'm aroace is a whole fuckin thing
77. Drama or Super Shy → i did used to go by the nickname drama
HAVE YOU EVER:
80. Lost glasses/contacts → yea
81. Ran away from home → yea but it was like down the street for a few hours nothing major
82. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → i'm femme presenting. OBVIOUSLY i have.
83. Killed somebody → i'm too nice for th at
84. Been Heartbroken → oh a bunch
85. Been arrested → unfortunately
87. Cried when someone died → yeah
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → not really
90. Miracles → i'mma need one to find a new job
91. Love at first sight → no
92. Heaven → yes, but also no?
93. Santa Claus → i believe in an arch elf named bernard tbh
94. Sex on the first date → this is such a weird question because i'm aroace but i've done this before. but i also thought the only way to receive love was through sex. so i doubt i would do this now. i just don't really care about sex.
95. Kiss on the first date → barf.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now more than others → i can't really think of anyone i wanna be with. maybe nelly? i miss her. but tbh i'm perfectly content being home with my cats
98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → yes and no
99. Do you believe in God → i don't know how to answer this
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Here I introduce my first ever watch through of the hunger games. These notes contain all four movies (not including the prequel because I watched that first in theatres). They’re very much made directed at my friends so I’m mainly just bookmarking them.
Thoughts while watching the hunger games
Movie 1: The Hunger Games
1. I already know who dies so no surprises there
2. Are there only white people in this goddamn movie???
3. Gale is weird
4. What the fuck did Gale do to get his name in there that many times?? Is that just how it works??
5. Peeta(?) seems sweet
6. I know him and Katniss know each other but I don’t know how they know each other
7. The drunk(?) guy seems like a dick but in the way he’ll have a redeemable character arc later on
8. I agree with a random tweet I saw now where they were talking about the importance of Katniss’s role in district 12, how she was honoured because she hunted not because she volunteered
9. Katniss hasn’t even been in the hunger games yet and she’s already traumatized. Who did this to her?
10. Movie ends rather abruptly, I assume because that’s how the book ends
11. The actual games were interesting but I hope they go more into the political side of things (I know they do)
12. Rue’s death was sad but I already knew how she died so nothing new I guess
13. I didn’t know the other guy from district 11 saved Katniss, that’s pretty cool, lessens the divide between districts
14. Peeta was alright, I can see them trying to set up a love “triangle” between gale him and Katniss but I don’t actually like Gale so I don’t care
15. Weirdly enough I like the romance aspects in the movie outside of the relationship with Gale because it’s leaves the audience and the characters questioning what parts of their relationship is real and what is acting
16. Why doesn’t every tribute get their own mentor??? That’s how it worked in the prequel movie. Wonder what changed.
17. I like them calling the Capitals bluff, two victors or no victors
18. The first two or three hunger games movies are apparently leaving Netflix on January 20th (weird time) so glad I decided to watch it now I guess
19. It did feel like there was a bit of explaining throughout the movie like this is what these berries are and the weird wasps. I appreciate it and don’t at the same time.
Movie 2: Catching Fire
1. I’m surprised Katniss even wants to pick up a bow again. But it makes sense that she still hunts.
2. Uhg. Gale is back.
3. Did I mention I didn’t like Gale?
4. Was there a district 13 in the prequel?
5. Oh my god shut the fuck up snow 🙄🙄🙄
6. “This is sacred ground” in reference to the victor village. Ma’am that looks like a dumpster fire.
7. Break because they’re testing the fire alarms in my dorm and I can’t hear shit
8. Cinna, the wardrobe guy. I did not know his name before this moment
9. How often do the hunger games happen? Once a year? Every four years like olympics?
10. “Almost thought that kiss was real”. What the fuck Peeta
11. The…. Mayor(?) of district twelve and Haymitch seem to have the weirdest relationship. They hate each other. They’re coworkers. They seem to get along sometimes?
12. Effie! That’s her name.
13. Okay Peeta and Katniss are kinda cute
14. I’m a lesbian and I would date Peeta what the fuck is Katniss doing thinking about Gale
15. Rue :((((
16. Good for district 11, sad for that guy
17. God Katniss couldn’t sound more like she was reading off of cards
18. Sewing the seeds of rebellion I see
19. Still don’t like Gale even if he is pro-rebellion. He’s just kinda an asshole.
20. Dude this is just like star wars
21. Peeta is a sweetheart
22. NOTHING IN THIS MEDICAL SITUATION IS CLEAN! It’s a miracle Gale doesn’t have like 300 types of infection by now
23. Who’s letting white men over 80 be in charge?? (This is about snow) dudes old as fuck. Reminds me of someone
24. I agree with Haymitch “you could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy” like yes king go off (said to Katniss about Peeta)
25. Big fan of Peeta being the damsel. “Peeta has to survive, we have to do everything we can to save him” << Katniss
26. Haymitch does seem like a pretty cool guy, the first movie did him dirty
27. Quit kissing Gale girl!!!! You could do so much better
28. Wow what a surprise that Katniss is the female tribute! I’m glad they went through the process of pulling her name anyway, I only wish they had a big bowl with a bunch of pieces of paper with her name on it. Really would build suspense lol
29. I wish to be a non binary person in the hunger games universe. I think it would be funny.
30. Effie is weird. Delusional and also kind of nice?
31. Hey I know that guy
32. I think the horse in this scene is my new favourite character
33. I love Peeta he’s so cool
34. This is the most awkward elevator ride I’ve ever been a part of
35. How and why is there a picture of Rue there?
36. HOLY SHIT KATNISS
37. Effie looking Katniss dead in the eyes and saying “you would have been the most beautiful bride” is so fucking rude. Way to be confident in her skills
38. They removed the chairs from the interview stage like no more standing you did it once
39. Cinna is cool and awesome. There is no way he’s alive by the end of this
40. As someone trained in CPR that fucker is not pushing hard enough on Peeta’s chest, break some ribs man
41. NOT a fan of the blisters they have from the fog. I guess they aren’t fans either
42. Oh good they’re gone just like that
43. Katniss really chose the least good weapon, what happens when she runs out of arrows? I think the only thing worse might be throwing knives
44. No one deserves Peeta, what a sweetheart
45. I like that all the disasters or whatever chase then inwards towards the cornucopia
46. Interesting that they take the bodies out of the arena now
47. Big fan of the jabberjays I like the uses for them
48. Knowing that they both live is confusing (Peeta and Katniss)
49. I like the girl who sharpened her teeth for this, she’s cool
50. I like that we’re actually getting to know the game master for this run
51. Oh my god Gale 🙄🙄🙄
52. Are there no countries outside of panam??? Like at all?
53. Well that was fun, end of catching fire
Movie 3: Mockingjay Pt. 1
1. Interesting opening
2. Soundtrack has been pretty good throughout the movie
3. Where is my boy. I know he’s in the capital but where is he.
4. I Don’t Trust The Rebellion
5. I agree with Katniss about Peeta
6. I kind of hope we see Peeta’s POV from w/in the capital, not because he’s my favourite character but because that would been a great scene. If it’s not in the movie I know there’s some fanfic about it somewhere
7. I like that they’re showing Katniss’s struggles with mental health, adds a sense of realism that would otherwise be missing from the story
8. I wish they had shown more people with physical disabilities, like you’re telling me none of the victors that were chosen had lost an arm or an eye or something
9. Very cool scene in District 12, very tragic but I like how they did the scene
10. Where’s Haymitch at
11. President Snow shut the fuck up challenge
12. I’ve seen this scene before with Peeta on the monitor giving an interview. Better with context lol
13. Rebels were quick to call Peeta a traitor despite the fact that they all know the capitals media is manufactured to portray what they want the audience to see. Of course it’s propaganda.
14. Gale > “maybe he was forced” of fucking course he was?! The fuck? Do they think Peeta is just chatting and supporting the people who nearly got him and Katniss killed for fun??
15. “And my sister gets to keep her cat” ha saw that one coming lol
16. Effie! I kind of like her
17. Can’t believe I actually Haymitch. He at least wouldn’t lie to Katniss
18. I think Effie looks better like this than in her ridiculous outfits
19. God Gale looks so awkward while Katniss and Effie are talking. His face nooooooo
20. Cinna :((((((((((((( fuck
21. What the fuck is this propaganda it’s so stupid
22. She’s not the best actor maybe
23. Haymitch!!!
24. I like BeeTee
25. The absolute audacity the rebellion president has to say that Katniss is an untrained civilian
26. FOGGY NELSON!?!??!??! He can’t fucking speak?!? I must destroy the capital. Foggy my boy what have they done to you
27. They’re gonna bomb that hospital.
28. I’ve seen this speech before
29. I don’t like the rebellion. I want the capital overthrown but Karl Marx is occasionally right and they give me the wrong vibe
30. You always forget how big moose are until you see them. That might be a reindeer.
31. Poor Peeta. I miss him. God he looks terrible. :(
32. The guy from supergirl is also in the filming group. Did they say they wanted sidekicks only? Only in superhero tv shows
33. Oh I like the hanging tree song this is cool
34. The dam blowing up is awesome, I like how they used the song for the scene
35. Can president snow be dead yet
36. Peeta no!!!!!!!! I support his rights and wrongs
37. Awwwww Prim. She went back for the cat. I would’ve gone back for Monte I understand
38. Prim’s gonna be a doctor!!! You go girl! She definitely will live!! (She’s gotten too much character development in this movie)
39. Finnick :(((( (I keep calling him Fennec in my head)
40. How long has district 13 been underground? When were they bombed?
41. Oh the white roses! I kind of love that, it’s really cool. In a snow is sinister and good (bad?) villain
42. Peeta better not die I will kill people.
43. With half an hour remaining (plus credits) I see where you both were coming from, liking it and not liking it
44. I just kind of feel bad for Finnick
45. WHAT
46. THE PRESIDENT JUST ALLOWS PEOPLE TO RAPE THE VICTORS
47. WHAT THE FUCK
48. PRESIDENT SNOW SHOULD FUCKING DIE ALREADY CLUB
49. There’s no way the squad rescuing Peeta succeeds.
50. Finnick really is just talking shit about the president on tv love that for him. He’s not even reading from a script this is just years of anger lol
51. Katniss going “president snow can you hear me” just sounds like the beginning to the most awkward zoom call imaginable
52. President snow reminds me of Count Dooku
53. Katniss :(((((((
54. God I hate the president (rebel edition) she’s so manipulative with everything she says
55. I’m like 90% sure she’s evil
56. Something is not right with Peeta. He looks so hurt and sad and starved. And he’s trying to kill Katniss but go off king idk
57. Peeta no my boy what did they do to my boy my sweet boy
58. All presidents shut the fuck up challenge
59. I like the POV camera angles in this series, they’re very good
60. Is Peeta the guy from five nights at Freddy’s or is that someone else?
61. Overall I did enjoy the movie, it gave the story time to breathe that it desperately needed, a break from most of the action while still keeping it interesting.
Movie 4: Mockingjay Pt. 2
1. Prim!!! I like that they sent her in, Katniss’s family is his family in a lot of ways
2. My boy no :( “she’s a monster, she’s a mutt”
3. The president has bad vibes (rebellion edition) Katniss > “you’ve seen what I can do. Send me to district 2” and her just saying “yes I have” is weird and creepy
4. Shut up about the stupid love triangle bullshit!!! Gale there’s no way you can ever been the one Katniss chooses
5. Gale saying “I don’t think they used any rule book when they highjacked Peeta” in defence of bombing medics and wounded soldiers on the other side is just admitting you’re willing to resort to snow’s level of cruelty
6. I think this is my new favourite way to watch movies, taking notes
7. Also their military force is called the Nut?? Really snow couldn’t come up with anything better than the nut???
8. Gale seems more evil in this movie, just saying I could tell from the beginning. “No one who supports the capital is innocent” Gale what the fuck are you on, your girlfriend(?) childhood best friend literally spoke speeches in support like the fuck
9. I like Katniss’s speech here, when she has a gun to her head she makes her best speeches truly
10. She ain’t dead you fools, she just gets injured every five seconds. Like seriously can this girl stay out of medical for five minutes
11. Snow just really loves poison huh?
12. Johanna is kind of funny, I like her she’s wrong when she says nobody likes her
13. I was scrolling through tumblr and I have never been more into the theory that Peeta is the one more similar to Lucy Gray. They both have that same charisma and kindness.
14. I hate how they’re using Katniss, like they really don’t care what she wants
15. Wedding is cute! Do chairs not exist in district 13?
16. Effie’s dresses up again, I wonder where she got such fancy clothes from
17. I would simply notice someone sneaking around a hanger bay filled with bombs. I’m just better.
18. She’s very bad at being anything close to sneaky, literally getting a crowd to form around her
19. More people of colour in these more recent movies
20. Finnick!!!! In the march on the capital
21. All Katniss wants to do is murder why can’t she murder. It’s just frustrating that she keeps being forced into propaganda when she doesn’t want to be in it
22. One (or more) of these pod things will be triggered, they’ve spoken about them too much for them to not be
23. I like that Gale is trying to help her even though he has no clue what she’s doing
24. Why is Peeta here :( he shouldn’t be in an active war zone he still looks tiny
25. Katniss is not good at lying “I wouldn’t be shooting Peeta, I’d be shooting a capital mutt” like sure girl whatever you tell yourself
26. I like this commander guy, he seems awesome. No I don’t know his name
27. Poor Peeta my guy has been through so much. I feel like he still will try and kill Katniss though. That feels too much like an open thread in the story.
28. Convenient that those pods run out of fuel or whatever
29. Boggs :((( (I learned his name)
30. Foggy Nelson my love looks so awkward in the background of all of these scenes
31. I’m surprised no one slipped on the oily marble staircase, maybe it’s sticky? Or like tar?
32. Okay it’s fucking hilarious that they’re doing the stupid little cannon montage for people who “died” in war against the capital. It’s absolutely ridiculous and so on brand
33. Foggy Nelson my boy no, good for you for coming up with a plan but this feels like a death sentence
34. I saw snows collapsed body on that desk and felt really joy for a moment until he woke up like an asshole
35. Isn’t there something about getting strings of bows wet? Or getting bows wet in general? I feel like I learned that that’s bad for them at some point
36. Dude imagine if they had AI generated images to show Peeta. How fucked up would that be.
37. Imagine the one week you’re in the hunger games you get your period, not only are you most likely going to die but you have to be on your period too. Like that’s fucked
38. What the fuck are those things. They look like little aliens I was expecting something that looked vaguely like an animal
39. Oh no she’s gonna run out of arrows! Seriously she needs to learn how to use another kind of weapon.
40. Peeta is such a damsel
41. Finnicks like for sure dead :((( I miss him already
42. Katniss kissing boys left and right goddamn
43. “Stay with me.” “Always.”
44. Oh no Foggy’s brother died! :(((( (I don’t know his characters actual name).
45. Just under an hour left on the runtime and we’re breaking for lunch
46. Okay let’s do this last hour (I have cookies)
47. It’s funny how both Gale and Peeta think the other is the more significant one to Katniss.
48. She has collapsible arrows!!!! Why didn’t anyone tell me?!
49. They seriously didn’t even put like any makeup on them to sneak into the mansion? Also their outfits should have more colour to properly blend into the crowd
50. Very cool action shots that was great. In the run up to the mansion
51. All that work for nothing huh?
52. I wonder what medic symbol they use to avoid violating the Geneva conventions
53. I miss Finnick
54. SNOW SHUT THE FUCK UP CHALLENGE (this is about snow talking about Prim)
55. I only kind of wish Peeta was here to say one last fuck you to snow (see earlier point about Lucy Gray) but I’m also glad he isn’t because he isn’t in danger lol
56. I love that Haymitch is clearly picking up on the same bad vibes that Katniss is in the scene with the last victors and the interim president
57. Oh my god kill yourself coin, I get why Katniss murders her now she’s just another snow
58. Haymitch votes with her! Besties!
59. I don’t like how coin pronounces Panem. Pen-em
60. Yes kill her ass!
61. Oh Paylor!!!! She’s awesome big fan I hope she wins the election that’d be fun
62. Omg Haymitch and Effie! I knew I picked up something about their relationship
63. Poor cat and poor Katniss :((
64. Awww the letter from Annie is so cute. She’s a sweetheart
65. Yay for democracy!
66. I like how Katniss curls up against Peeta, just makes herself at home in his bed because it implies they’ve done this a hundred times before <3
67. Peeta only asks real or not real questions to Katniss which I think shows how much he trusts her even when he’s not fully himself
68. The ending is very cute! I like that the little boy has the same hair as Peeta
69. The end :) final thoughts: uh I did like them which I always knew I would. I think I didn’t watch it earlier because of 1) lack of interest, just wasn’t really relevant in my life I guess and 2) don’t like going into something knowing that half the characters die y’know? I combated that by looking up who dies before watching the movie. Happy I watched it, maybe I’ll read the books? I don’t not want to read them but I’ll have to find them first lol. I think I got a pretty unique perspective having seen the prequel first and none of the others, it’s interesting to see how even after Lucy Gray is gone, her music lives on. And just the little bits and pieces where you can see references to her and snow’s past.
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