#anyway i like being unhinged and intense and insane and i do still really want to fucking know what she thinks!!!!!!!!!!!
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we ran into a friend of his (kind of a friend of mine as well, i know and like her) last night at the cinema and she was with friends of HERS and idk if he knew them or not bc i came out of the bathroom and they were all just chatting. but like..... i want to know what she thought of the situation............ it's absolutely none of my business and it doesn't matter at all, but i want to know if she was surprised that we were watching a movie together & i want to know what she thinks about the potentials & i want to know just . her thoughts .
#she is a friend of mine ig we've shared a bed so that kind of makes her a friend of mine#but like idk this is why friend groups are scary bc there's so many points of interconnection........#i <3 sharing my entire social life on tumblr dot com#we were kind of invited for drinks and then we basically said no we are going to get dinner instead which i think makes things more obvious#but also friends can go see a movie and get dinner together that's standard friend activities#so likeeeee idk what she thinks basicall y#i also like . am aware of the fact that this is incredibly incredibly incredibly early stages and i am just insane in the brain#like i would call these dates but we aren't Dating i don't think. i actually have no fucking clue what we're doing but#like it's clearly not entirely platonic so#anyway i like being unhinged and intense and insane and i do still really want to fucking know what she thinks!!!!!!!!!!!
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You're so wonderfully devious. Your IF is so well written. I've played through it once several months ago, lost track of it, then found it again 🤗 but seriously, the complex emotions you pull out of me is what makes me keep coming back.
There's no time to not grieve for the MC. And your time jumps make it so no matter how much time has passed for MC, we don't get that relief. It makes me wonder if the MC feels that way all the time for the last 9 years if the grief we experience is just as intense. So I absolutely adore how you give MCs the ability to name a journal Alistair and to have a tattoo to keep them with you.
I don't know what to do with Rosea. I think the only way to hurt Luceris is by hurting the ones they love, Lancelot and Helios. But then this cycle of revenge continues and warps, and it's this massive spiders web because when you hurt Lancelot and Helios, then you hurt Farah, Vincent, and Hunter. It makes even more people want to put a stop to MC's machinations.
I know we're going to see it in writing, but the generational guilt on these kids [cause fuck they are basically still kids] heads is crushing.
The adults trying to alleviate guilt by saying "Mc is protected as consort" and has the "freedom to do what they want" is a poor consolation prize. They can't get rid of how they were complicit in MCs trauma.
Somehow, you have me litterally insane, tinfoil hat and all, do you play a kind MC so everyone can see how unhinged Luceris idea was? Because I'd love to play this game as quiet and kind MC, one who's forgive and try to move on, but when MCs twin died, I became just as crazy as Luceris. Now I have to be okay with the fact that I'm playing the long game of revenge and whatever that looks like.
Anyway, thank you for your work. It's amazing and I can't wait to see what happens next.
My toxic trait is I like being called evil or devious or anything insane. 🥰 Thank you for your kind words! 💗
Honestly, the time jumps do serve that purpose. Mainly because I think MC gets a little better each time jump but then something happens and it brings back what they felt that night in Vesphire.
For example, the time jump to meeting Fadiya is kind of supposed to be like "well at least someone wants to be friends with our baby" and that feeling is kind of hopeful, at least to me. With the 1st short story, I wanted to cement that feeling since it's like "world against MC but this little kid is here!!" and again it's hopeful. Chapter 2 is softer too with Fadiya, there isn't much angst until the very end where it's like "ah right, shit still sucks." and a part of the healing that the player might have felt just dies lol.
Chapter 3 is kind of different but technically MC is doing "better" or well coping better so there has been some progress on their part albeit it can be unhealthy.
I've gotten the "Oh this is kinda rushed" comment a few times but I don't think I could've taken these first few chapters more slowly since it is supposed to be kind of like a blur to MC. In my head, chapter 3 is when things are more slow for them but now they're leaving on a trip so...
I think revenge (that isn't like "get power throw him into jail") will always come with the loss of people. The only reason Luceris didn't lose people is because he didn't really have anyone to lose except for Lancelot and we all know how that's going. (Ikram doesn't count, if she refused he could just get another military general and been like okay. Don't be friends with your boss people. /j)
A Luceris that had Farah wouldn't have done that ever because she would have left him so yeah! It's normal to be stuck between what to do when you have people you care about who actually have somewhat of a normal moral compass.
Easiest way is to simply not have anyone (unless they're 100% in love with you and would throw away all their morals just for you ofc) and well maybe I can help with that! 🤭
The adults are insane and the kids are burdened with the problems that their parents are to blame for. I love the whole "burdened by the sins of your parents" trope. ✨️
God this got a bit too long lmao 😭 it was fun discussing some of the points. 🤝
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OKAY CHAPTER 28. First off, can I just say I admire Pocket being such a spitfire in this because the girl really has the confidence to mock Jenny at any given moment when she can kill her with one pull of the trigger. Pocket really is just joking around and laughing and making quips as if she isn't being dragged by her hair quire literally I was reading it both horrified and impressed because I'm like, Pocket....shut up please i don't want you to get hurt anymore or die but also like, this is so Pocket you go get 'em girlie. BUT AH THAT GLIMPSE OF BUCKY IN THE MONITORS GOING ABSOLUTELY FERAL, COVERED IN BLOOD AND BOILING WITH RAGE AND TAKING DOWN A WHOLE HYDRA BASE ON HIS OWN BECAUSE THEY GOT HIS GIRL? SIR? I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU? Pocket was literally such a mood during that moment because that was such an insane show of violence and truly showcased that the Winter Soldier might be gone but Bucky Barnes very much still has his skill and if he wanted to burn the whole place down to save the love of his life we would've no questions asked. But also, yes please? Can I have your babies? LMAO.
Now, that confrontation was...a lot to say the least. Judas insanity and obsession just showing through and you could just see how our of control he was when Bucky showed up. Like that whole exchange was intense I can't even deal. Her calling Russia "making love", and that she was quite literally built to "love" him. You could just tell that there was no getting through to her anymore. She's too far gone and man was that disturbing.
And UGH POCKET, being all self-sacrificial and everything as if I'm not already filled with so many emotions!!! Just, I don't even have words that was just so amazing it made my chest ache. The confessions, them pouring their heart out I just... WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN WHEN SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO DIE. IF THEY TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE I��well, we wouldn't have a story but anyway. That was just so good, Evoked so many emotion in me gosh.
But you know what made me absolutely insane??? BUCKY BARNES AND HIS BAIT AND SWITCH MY GOD?????? I knew what he was doing the second he started to feed Judas' fantasy and telling her exactly what she wanted to weaken her which is such a smart move and good for him to realize that immediately when the first try of getting through to her didn't work BUT MY GOD THAT WAS SO COLD AND BRUTAL IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE? AM I SICK IN THE HEAD BC MR. BARNES BUCKY SIR THAT WAS KINDA HOT? (i know he probably snapped her neck and she's dead now I couldn't care any less but STILL????) The second he kissed her and boy did it take a lot longer but I'm sure he was trying to gauge that Pocket was far away enough and the second he realized that and grabbed Jessie's throat WITH THE VIBRANIUM HAND MIGHT I ADD and his demeanor immediately switched to feral and unhinged and "I'm going to give you a slow painful death for hurting my girl" I.. am .. on ..... the floor?????? i'm not even kidding when I tell you I put my phone down and squealed into my hand because that was such a powerplay i can't even deal. AND WHEN HE SAID HIS PROMISES DON'T MATTER AS A CALL BACK I'M LIKE???????? ahem. sorry. I just, I'm a sucker for men who goes overly feral to protect their girl. Doesn't matter how many times it happens it's just *chef's kiss* every single time. Never gets old.
But ugh, Pockey got shot. (i know I seem like I don't care but you've talked about a sequel so I know she's going to be fine haha ha ha unless.....) But still, that scene tugged at my heartstrings gosh, that was...Bucky crying, Pocket still joking around and comforting him as if she's not the one losing blood and practically dying. That was just perfection. I just love those two so much and I'm glad they're both going to be on the path of healing.
I feel like I've ran a marathon reading this chapter because wow what was intense. I know there's still something about Steve and whatnot but I honestly just can't wait for the come down. God, we're so close to the end. It's going to be a lil bittersweet but hey, I'm so glad it happened. You're amazing as always. Lots of love!
(p.s. i usually type on my laptop with these ask and sometimes i type way too fast because i'm excited to spelling won't always be great so i absolutely did not realize i wrote "cheese game" instead of "chess game" but i'm glad it made you laugh because that is quite funny.)
— Jnon 🤍
Hi, beloved!
I really, really wanted Pocket to stand up to Jackass in the best way she possibly could, and since that couldn't be physically, it was going to have to be through sarcasm and snark, lol. Like, this is her one and only chance to get back at Jade for all the shit she put Pocket through, so Pocket is definitely going to take the utmost advantage of it. Also, she knew that the more off-balance Jade was, the more likely she was to fuck up and give Pocket an opening for escape.
And I know it's not healthy, like, at all, but when Pocket saw him being completely feral in his quest to find her and save her, it definitely did things to her insides, lol. Violence is never acceptable, and IRL, I'm a total pacifist, but if my fictional man wants to be violent in my honor? Yes, please.
Writing Jerry's confrontation with Bucky made me feel sick, lol. When she's like "Oh, but we made love," I'm sitting there like "Ma'am, that was borderline sexual assault. You don't know what love is." In a small, tiny way, I feel sorry for her. She was basically fed this fantasy to such a degree that she couldn't fathom it not coming true. Like, she was made to believe there was no other option for her, and so, she would accept no other option.
Bucky began his bait and switch as soon as Pocket told him to let her go. I wrote it with the idea that he knew she'd sacrifice herself to ensure that Jade couldn't use her as leverage over Bucky, so he did the only thing he could think of-- pretend to give her what she wanted. He was definitely making sure Pocket was at a distance from him and jade before he made his move, though. He also wanted to make sure Jade was properly distracted. He should have taken the gun away from her, but eh, lol. It's more dramatic this way.
I really enjoyed doing the "promises don't mean shit" callback, because I felt like, in a way, that was also him taking responsibility for everything he put Pocket through. Or, at least it is in my head, lol. He had planned on killing Jezebel nice and slowly, at least until she shot Pocket. After that, his rage got the best of him. Plus, he needed to get to his girl; he didn't have time to torture the hoe any more.
And of course Pocket would be fine! I can't kill off my best girl! I love her too much! I just really love that emotional drama, lol.
I have your next missive to read, so I will sign off! Love you so much! <3
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ok ok im doing the ji//m/in music review of 2023 here cause that way i can let it out also i’m a music nerd and i’m obsessive and unhinged it’s terrible i need to overanalyze everything and slap little thoughts abt it and this song frustrated me a lot by sheer potential/amazement etc so ye whatevs this is my lonely corner anywayz
im so fkcing curious abt the album and i mean it, but i’m also v frustrated with the new song. like,, the production is crazy, literally the music is so intense & beautiful, orchestras & wind instruments is just such a wild ride and i’m so into it (i was hyped from the trailer tbh i knew itd be crazy). the harmonies are Haunting. the two together is just an insanely intense mix of emotions. it feels like being plunged into a RAW emotion immediately, you could use this music for dark movies, crash scenes, religious deaths, horror movies, and it would fit perfectly cause it’s That intense. i love it sm.
// the clip is very seemingly simple which i really love cause it balances out perfectly with the music, like, you couldn’t have different decors and rooms and like idk sexy/cute closeups or whatever i think it would just break the flow with such an intense music. so, you have to shoot like a short movie, perfect. i feel like it’s a direct play with like,, expectations. “this is what you want, this is what i show you, but set me free from this” it’s very ,,, intriguing. that the lyrics would prone being set free but ,,, clearly the choreo jimin does, it’s smthg you’ve seen before (i don’t mean like, it’s recycled or whatever, but like, the movements are strong, kind of sensual, the fact that he’s dancing at all really, that’s the style that people expect and love from him), the outfit its Litcherally what everyone who’s trying to be a bad boy in kpop wears (big chunky boots with the chunky bomber jacket and cargo pants like, sure).
so it’s like. you’re trapping yourself. you sing abt being free. you’re not freeing yourself at all. you’re literally in a huis clos, that looks like a prison. there’s no color, there’s no life except for the dancing, it’s so fkcing depressing to see such a cage, but it Looks cool too, right ? but the group choreo !! i love it, it joins the haunting voices perfectly. the voices are literally screaming at you with anguish, and the dancers are always in a role of being agressors to jimin, pointing fingers from the ground, from higher up, surrounding him, making noise (the gestual i mean is very noisy always all limbs moving etc) looking at him, and then lifting him up, touching him until he falls down and “dies”. horror movie, much. i love that, it’s like,,, this is what you want, this is what i give you, you still destroy me. thats kind of what i got, esp with the poem, which is very pretty, placed on the part of his body that’s nude. i love that his body becomes art but becomes politic in that way ; that’s where you’ll be looking so read then. but will you care abt it anyway ? it’s all depressing symbolism to me tbh but i love it anyways
the ending with the white clad ji//m/in, my thoughts are either,,, is this the inner self that’s gotten out (the lyrics want that i guess), or is it just you showing the new expectation that you’ve carved out.. cause technically, he is still trapped in the scene, he is showing something that people also want ; purity, no scandals, softness, the perfect angel side of him. so my first thought was that,, i didn’t feel like that was really a “being set free” resolution, like to believe that you’re truly being set free i’d need to see something else because this narrative isn’t really showing it. and then like,,, i learnt this was the last song of the album. and that made me feel like, oh is that it ? kinda broke my heart in a way. it made me think abt Arson and how it’s the last song of JITB’s whole trajectory, and with Arson i feel like it’s about reclaiming the control of something uncontrollable. the ending note is “i get to chose to burn it all or extinguish the fire” kinda,,, it’s strong and full of anger and pride and self doubt, but it ends on this note that feels like this is it, you know, new chapter now, i’m looking at a crossroad of choices. it feels Good to hear. set me free pt2 just feels daunting like,,, idk it made me feel like Ji//m/in (im talking abt the persona etc i don’t know the guy this is abt a narrative yadayada) ,,, idk the dilemna is still going. it’s like,, claiming you’re finally free but still begging to be set free till the end, doing it by looking straight at the camera and taunting you (is this what u wanna see ? am i free now ? will you read me ? etc), in a way it feels he’s reclaiming his agency/control by doing this, but also like he doesn’t believe it profundly at all. it’s like. i’ve done it now, will you get it anyways, i don’t think so, i’ll just be this other part now, you will never know me. i think that was my feeling overall. you will never know him, he’s not sharing that, he’s showing surface in many ways, and in details he’s showing more, but even that more isn’t that much and will never be clear. it’s intriguing, i’m intrigued, i’m also frustrated because i honestly would just really like to see the whole album to get a feel for everything and place it all in context but can’t do that so let’s ride, and idk, part of me would enjoy more clarity/substance
// next point,,, music is music first. and that makes me so Mad lmfao and this is personal taste you know but i was quiteeee disappointed by the song, because i honestly think it has the best & worst at the same time ? and that makes me Maaad i really want to love the song because the fkcing instrumentals you know, but i can’t because i don’t think his voice is well placed on the track. like, listen. what pple call autotune even tho it’s not, its actually filters, anyways im annoying lets call it autotune, it was too agressive for his voice i think. he has a very beautiful tone and texture, his lower register in Promise is just insane. so like... the point was to make his soft voice agressive, alright, the song calls for energy and agressiveness, Alllright. but it doesn’t feel like it fits to me my ears just don’ttt like that.
i think his voice sounds different because he’s singing in english, im not a fancy music nerd im just a music nerd from years of digging, but basically language means you sing differently, mostly because the sounds are different, the way you hold your tongue, head, the way you use your throat is different depending on those sounds. so basically,,, korean and english are actually Very far apart in terms of sounds, like, fr it’s reaaaally hard to go from one to the other for learning cause it’s so wildly different, pronunciation is Hard, but just getting used to using your vocal chords and throat and jaw all that, is also hard because we have Habits and we need to learn New habits in Our Bodies literally (language is insane, its basically why going on T is so fkcing weird for voice changes cause like,,, thats a whole part of ur body that u gotta learn to reuse and it Hurrrts ? and it’s a very weird process). back to the topic, in english it feels like he’s singing with a more open-throat sound in lower registers and im gonna be honest i don’t like that because it sounds uncomfortable.. it’s smthg i personnally notice in singers and that i don’t like hearing,, when something feels unnatural. his english in higher register ? delicious. the high notes on set me FreeEEE ? beautiful !!! fits the music so fkcing well !!
but the lower registers with that unnatural singing feeling AND the haannnddful of modifyers making it v robotic and harsh, thats just taking me Out of it. pple love that cause they feel like he’s playing two different people, i Get that and in theory that’s so cool but tbh i just don’t think the execution ended up that good. idk. honestly wonder how that could’ve gone ? im not a vocal coach nor a musician nor a singer so i wouldnt know shit abt that lmfao but really in terms of details thats just bugging me cause it makes me feel like,,, damn you were So close. the concept was cool but this isn’t hitting. cause it’s like,, the higher notes are this beautiful insanely pretty moments but every 0.2sec theyre cut back to the uneasiness and i don’t like that,,,, maybe it would’ve deserved more lyrics,,, like instead of being low NOW YEA NOW YEA you come in with a low singing sentence idk maybe that would’ve felt less empty/gratting,,, wonderinnnggg. anyways the trap bridge just took me out,,, i just,, idk i don’t feel it fits his voice again, i don’t like ji//m/in rapping actually i don’t think he’s a rapper like idk he’s a good singer but rapping is a whole other category and thats that. i liked his verse in T/ony Mon/tana because he used his voice Differently, he was spitting it out, it doesn’t come from an open throat singing, it was litcherally using a hoarse voice, which just works for agressivity but also he does v well !! like he’s literally alternating between breaking his voice to sound agressive which he Does in concerts sometimes and all and is cool as hell, and then singing very calmly but BASICALLY the hoarse texture works !!! my hypothesis is like,, the open throat thingy is because he’s screaming (HEY FOOLS ! part like,, power through screaming it out, many rappers do that in concerts because of the hype etc so like rather than rapping like u usually do you’re shouting it out), buuuttt not everyone can shout a performance to get higher energy and make it sound good. many rappers Don’t sound that good when they shout at concerts, cause that’s not their typical texture or whatever or it just loses the edgy touch of their texture before (do i make sense, god i hope no one in music reads me like ever). how do i equate that to make sense... J/h/ope singing at Lolla, you can literally tell at some point that he’s singing in low register but gave his voice too much power (shouting), had bad notes, so finished the sentence and for the next sentence got back to a quieter voice,you can hear Less well cause like, the whole crowd yelling thingy, but thats were his notes were correct cause thats were his voice is. anyways. fun bit to illustrate that nobody gets but me but lets gooo cowboys. anyways, the ending is pretty, i wouldn’t have added that last high “set me free”, i think letting his voice disappear slowly and ending with the other backing vocals would have felt more poetic, but whatevs. i’d say overrall,,, i think, the song would’ve been better with a lot more textures, instead of voice modifyers and gratting filters, you know like,, if you wanna get angry and go hard, then your voice needs to go Angry and go Hard, thats my mood (make it Hurt, make it punk, layer the fuck out of it, add weird fcking details, idk, anything tbh)
// in terms of lyrics huhhhh,,, i don’t dig it particularly, i think the message is well, pretty clear, some shout outs to other songs, his past self, etc. tbh i just don’t think the imagery is particularly original ? like,, free & butterfly (yes but it’s a nod to other songs yadayada i know i was there,,,, it’s sentimental but i’m an annoying person looking at the song as a song also) it’s like,, it’s all things you’ve read/heard before in terms of actual words. which like, i guess we can’t Invent new words but that’s where poetry and imagery come from, intricacies and all that jazz, it’s pretty fun to play with, and i feel like, well, the song is pretty straight forward so at least it’s clear but it’s not rocking my jams too much. i like the imagery of “raise your hands for the past me” cause it can be read both as “congrats for getting there” and mockery, like pointing finger, which they all do in the choreo, so i think it sounds bittersweet which i Like. i also feel like the lyrics really put in context the narrative of the video (duh ig) because the maze never really leaves even tho the chorus begs for freedom (wandered/stuck in/at the edge/still in). and the juxtaposition between “finally free” vs. “set me free” vs. “primetime/finally begun” vs. “forget/forget” and obvs “insane/sane” are the most interesting parts in terms of lyrics & depth. but yeah. i don’t particularly vibe with the fuck offs and you fools and the i never stops and fuck all your opps cause like,,, mmmh,, idk why i feel like it’s just not hitting. why is it not hitting tbh ? i Wonder. maybe because it doesn’t feel that tightly knit with the rest of the song, maybe because his voice doesn’t really push the feeling through enough ? it kind of feels very randomly put there, musically at least, instead of Hitting right. my guess is that i’d say the song lacks actual words ? it was a gut feeling like, it’s too empty, it’s too general, if it was more precise, more dense, it would really balance out the fkcing Sheer craziness of the music & background vocals. maybe MORE jim///in vocals juxtaposed too ? maybe if he really played with having many voices !!! like, tbh, many singers create texture by singing themselves in different keys (damn that was the word i searched for all along) and stacking those up (ie. literally any pop artist ig idk Ha/rry Sty//les does it in Matilda very clearly, i think thats what came up first in my brain anyways, it adds this kind of, haunting feeling because you can’t clearly distinguish the other keys but you still hear them, it’s like,, little ghost voices, adding the same emotion but slightly different versions of it), but i still think just packing more words would’ve made the song feel more anchored. cause in the end the verses are super empty,, esp the “not yet, not yet” and then “now yeah, now yeah” that feels so unfulfilling !!! just stock em up, get more up there. and i get that it works w the message but it just idk. im not fed, like, musically.
//overall,,, hmm, i guess it boils down to i vibed with it in theory & sentiment, but the actual song just leaves me unsatisfied. sadly. and its like, tragic, cause thats kind of the point of the song to be free from judgement and reception etc, but alas, i just didn’t really reception it. but tbh i think music and art is just about learning & growing, and i think that’s what he’s doing and will do all his life just like me. honestly i always have respect for artists who Do try to make something honest and true. i think that’s what he was going for, cause the music proves it, and the care proves it, so i’m gonna sit my ass and say that,,, this isn’t a song empty of Meaning it’s a song that struggles to bring it out into Emotion. like, actual emotion, followed through all the way not just with the instrumentals and background vocals cause those are Very emotional, but through technique and creativity and depth. it’s too neat. that sounds super harsh cause i just use direct words all my life but anyways. lets get it. end of my music rant. will come back here for all my music rants from now on cause this is litcherally an empty space and my friends can’t bear the music obsession so, good for me.
#ynn talks#goudebaille#my mind is free now#i struggled to shape this all day#i feel at peace w myself#hi pple if you are becos of the musical rants you are free to deposit a like or hate comment or thought#pls dont go through the rest of my posts tho#theyre all mental breakdowns#and theyre all my most pathetic moments#so itd be nice if you turned a blind eye to that shit show#and didnt judge me for it#thanks#ynn music rants
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hiiiiii, i hope you're okay :) i have many many thoughts bc of your posts & fics and well i have to share them, so, imagine this:
wounded doe (universe?) lawrusso; they're out somewhere or at a party or something (i haven't decided if they're officially together yet or just fooling around, anyway) and someone says something to daniel or tries to start a fight or something and daniel doesn't pay this fool any mind because honestly, he doesn't have the time or energy for any of this shit anymore but then there's johnny, who just sees red the moment the nasty words leave this stranger's mouth or the moment he sees his hands on daniel and he's trying really hard to remain in control and not make a scene because he doesn't want to do anything in front of daniel but he just can't stop thinking. can't stop thinking about what he'd do to this asshole if daniel wasn't around, because he's already done it once and it felt good and he will do it again, for daniel. anything for daniel. but he can't do what he wants to do because now daniel is dragging him away so they can be alone because he knows johnny is furious and he's trying to calm him down but johnny is still shaking a little from the adrenaline and the urge to just do what he's been thinking about for months, what he can't and probably will never forget that he's done. and anyway, if he can't release all the tension from his body and mind that way, well, there are other, better ways. daniel is always down for it.
soooooo......yeah. that's it.
hi!!!! aww I'm so glad my fics have inspired you, that's so nice!!! And it's especially nice to hear about wounded doe because that's my personal favourite out of all the fics I've written. And I have more planned in this verse so stay tuned!!! More under the cut because I rambled for ages.
I love the scenario you've outlined here because that's so in tune with how I see Johnny in this verse and I think how his growing feelings for Daniel will manifest. Like I don't see their relationship being a particularly healthy one, or where they have many boundaries. I talk in my fic about how Johnny was completely dependent on Kreese for his self-worth and validation, he structured his entire self-image around what the man thought of him. But now Kreese is gone and Johnny has imprinted all of these feelings and needs onto Daniel. He makes Daniel the centre of his world, and it's even more intense because there's a romantic dimension to this relationship that there never was with Kreese. And we know how jealous and possessive Johnny was with Ali after they broke up, so imagine all of that projected onto Daniel times 100. So I see him as being extremely possessive, extremely jealous, very demanding when it comes to Daniel's time and attention etc he wouldn't ever want to think he comes second or that Daniel would prefer to spend time with anyone else. Whether it's healthy or not, he really believes Daniel belongs to him.
And Daniel for the most part is receptive to that. Like I see him mirroring that fixation and that dependence (though not in the dizzyingly extreme way Johnny does) but I think there will be moments when maybe Daniel does want a little more freedom, or wants to see how much distance he can get away with before Johnny notices and pulls him back in. So at things like parties or places where there could be lots of people and he happens to accidentally stray away because someone starts talking to him, Johnny would be watching him the entire time. Not because he doesn't trust Daniel but because he doesn't trust anyone else. Like I really think the very intense, laser-focused obsession Johnny had with Daniel during the events of the film would continue even in a romantic relationship. And god forbid anyone flirts with Daniel, or is a little too friendly, Johnny would go insane. And like you said, there's this added layer to Johnny in this verse. Like he's proven how unhinged and violent he can be. How vengeful. He's really crossed a boundary that he can never step back from, and that's always going to inform who is he romantically. Like I think the passion he already feels for Daniel combined with that innate violence will make him a very extreme, tumultuous, hot-headed boyfriend. And we know Johnny always feels more comfortable showing people how he feels than voicing it, and I think instead of talking to Daniel about feeling jealous, he'd basically just want to beat up anyone who touches him or even looks at him for too long.
But like you said too, Daniel will have his own ways of calming Johnny down. I wrote a while back that I loved the thought of Daniel knowing when Johnny's about to explode and making these soothing little noises and stroking his hands down him, and it's his little way of lessening some of that anger. Almost like he's a feral animal that wants to bite something and Daniel's the only person who can handle him without getting his own hand torn off. I can see Daniel taking him home and pulling Johnny's head into his lap and saying all these nonsensical soothing words under his breath as he cards his fingers through Johnny's hair, and slowly Johnny starts to come down from the overwhelming bout of rage he feels. (And of course there are the times when that's not enough and Johnny has to Daniel and channel all of his anger into fucking him and putting his mark on Daniel again, but in a way that makes Daniel half-insane with how good it feels. Because Johnny knows every inch of him intimately and knows exactly how to break him down. And it means Johnny can forget himself for a while by burying himself inside Daniel, wishing he never had to pull out and he could be part of him forever. And when he asks Daniel who he belongs to, Daniel always says he belongs to Johnny. And it's not just his way of making Johnny feel better, both of them know it's true.)
Ahh I rambled for ages!!! I just have so many thoughts and feelings about the two of them in this verse because I've been working on the sequel fic. It's lovely to know it's been inspiring you too!! <3
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You said you're gonna open requests for a short time today, so are they opened now? Feel free to ignore this if they're not opened yet. Can I request prompt 109 with Kanato please?
You sent them in in the right timing, don’t worry.
Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationship, unhealthy mindset, possessiveness, obsessiveness, bipolar behavior, chocking, screaming, pushing, violence, vicious behavior
Prompt 109: “I know she’s cute. BUT SHE’S MINE! TOUCH HER AND I’LL KILL YOU!!”
The air had had turned all so sudden so incredibly suffocating, way more than you had ever expected it to be. And given the fact that you had experienced something like this already so often, way too often, it led your lips to wobble and your knees to nearly give in. All you really could do in that moment was staring with wide and teary eyes at the purple-haired boy who was just standing in the doorframe, a weirdly unreadable expression on his face. It made all the nerves in your body go crazy. This wasn't good. He was quiet! Way too quiet for his character. There was no rage, no anger nothing in his eyes. Why was he so emotionless? Shouldn't he be yelling, screaming, hurting someone right now?
Chances were that he would let his ire out on you, something you were terrified off. You hadn't forgotten the last time you had left him unsatisfied and jealous. Your body hadn't forgotten it either, the bruises still not fully healed. Backing away wasn't a good idea either or else you would bump into his brother Ayato. Both were currently doing some sort of glaring contest, Ayato having narrowed his eyes in an annoyed manner and Kanato still having this frightening hollow and penetrating look in them. And you poor victim found yourself stuck between those two, feeling like you were just dust right now since no one of them was currently even noticing your presence. But you didn't dare to move, if you were honest you couldn't even. Your body was neglecting you the ability to move, your instincts clearly stopping you from pulling the attention back on you.
The fact that no one had said anything for a while was even more nerve wrecking, it made it harder to judge what they would do next. All you could suspect was that they might just start attacking each other without you even having time to react. It was so unbelievably silent that you could hear everything right now, thw wind blowing outside the window, the slight breathing of Ayato and Kanato and most of all your own heartbeat which was drumming like crazy against your chest. Could they hear it as well? In your opinion it was painfully loud, but it seemed they were busy with other things.
"That's ridiculous! (y/n), come over here. Now!", you flinched when you heard Ayato speaking for what felt like the first time in ages up, shifting with a weak heart around to him. He didn't even bother to spare you a look, he just continued to glare at his brother, clearly bothered with what Kanato had just said to him. You knew that both of them weren't guys to share, no one from those six was. But if you had to share the ones who were the baddest to deal with, you would give the trophy without a doubt to the triplets, all of them were horrible beings. But for you Kanato had always been the worst. He was incredibly dangerous, more than Ayato, more than Laito.
You just couldn't judge him and that made you feel scared. You never knew how he would react to this or that, if his reaction would be a positive one, if you could call him being bratty and annoying positive, or a bad one, the kind of reaction where he started shouting at you, grabbed you by your throat and pushed you around like you were some ragdoll. He was unhinged, unstable and for that you had never been able to understand him and his way of thinking. He was unpredictable, a joker. With Ayato and Laito you had at least a bit of an easier time to forsee their actions.
But you were scared of them as well, making you hesitate when you heard his demanding tone. Your throat had gone dry, your palms having become disgustingly sweaty so that you started to wipe them on the fabric on your clothes. Should you go to him? But what would Kanato do if you would? On the other hand, what would Ayato do if you wouldn't? "(y/n)." When you heard Kanato's voice, you instantly turned around, an unpleasant feeling creeping up your spine when hearing his voice. It had been a lot less harsh and loud like Ayato's voice had sounded like, but it had this certain something in it that would have managed to give people far less cowardly than you the chills.
You were met with dull purple eyes, a hidden insanity hidden inside of them that made you unconsciously step back a bit, noticed instantly by Kanato judging from the way his eyes shifted to your legs. And he didn't seem to like it one bit, pressing Teddy slightly tighter against his chest. "Y-you aren't trying to leave me for him, do you?"His voice was wavering, you as well as Ayato slowly seeing his hollow facade crumbling. It was an alarming thing to see, making you almost instantly step closer to him, fear taking control over your body, not wanting to anger him.
But this small action led to an instant small enragement from the red-haired boy. "What do you think you're doing, small pancake? Get back here this instant! You belong to Yours Truly!" You froze, mind being torn apart between listening to him or Kanato. "(y/n)." Kanato had stretched his hand out a bit, holding it in your direction. On the first glance it might have looked like a silent plead. But it wasn't the feeling you were getting from him. You could sense it in his eyes. It was a silent ordre, a clear warning to not even think about turning around, to not abandon him for his brother. Or else...
You heard Ayato tsk'ing, clearly getting majorly annoyed with you and the situation. "Stupid thing. Do you seriously think that he can keep you safe from me? Do you think I didn't notice how you keep lingering near him and start avoiding others? Don't tell me you're listening to him now because you're afraid of him." You tensed up when you heard him stepping closer to you, gaze being frozen on the ground. "You're scared, aren't you?" Another step closer, followed by another. How close was he by now?
You got your answer the moment you felt hair brushing against your cheeks, Ayato's face entering from the corner of your eyes your vision. "Do you expect me to care whether you're scared or not? The only reason you were brought here was to serve as a bloodbag, nothing more. You don't get to choose with whom you can stay or not. You don't have any power. I on the other hand have the right to decide over you. And if pain is really the way to make you submissive and obedient, I can give you that even better than he can. You're after all very cute when your face is scrunched up in pain. Should I show you?
You couldn't help tears falling down your face when you suddenly felt his hand wrapping around your throat, starting to squeeze it tightly and causing you to choke on the air. You felt nauseous the moment you saw the grin on his face obviously loving what he was seeing. "See? I can give you just what Kanato gives you all the time. You must like it if you stick close to him for that reason, right? I can make sure that you'll look even cuter when in pain. All for my eyes."
"I know she's cute." You turned your gaze through half-closed eyes to Kanato who was looking at you two with wide eyes, many emotions swimming in them. Ayato looked at him as well, clearly unimpressed by him. "So what?" He gave Kanato a slightly challenging look, pulling you with the hand wrapped around your throat closer to him, making you start seeing black spots.
"BUT SHE'S MINE!" The outburst was all so sudden that it catched you as well as Ayato by surprise, Kanato suddenly appearing right in front of you two, ripping Ayato's hand in a way away that made you fear he might twist your neck in the process and shoved you harshly aside. Your ass was met with the hard ground, making you twist your face a bit when you landed wrongly and started coughing, air suddenly filling your lungs again. "TOUCH HER AND I'LL KILL YOU!!"
You weren't surprised that Kanato hadn't been concerned the least bit about whether he would hurt you or not, having gripped Ayato's clothes and shaking him violently to which Ayato on the other hand tried to free himself, his hands pulling on Kanato's arms in an attempt to make him let go. You slowly crawled away from them, not wanting to risk getting caught in the fight. You better stayed away, especially from Kanato, he looked like he was seriously about to kill Ayato. His one hand had by now been placed right above the boy's throat, threatening to crush his neck at any moment. And Ayato seemed to sense the same thing, looking all of a sudden a bit stressed out.
"Fine then! Giving it a second thought, she's more boring anyways! You can keep that pathetic girl for yourself! She isn't worth all the troubles!" He jerked backwards, making Kanato lose hold on him, stumbling a bit clumsily back before straightening himself up. He turned around, shooting you a sharp glare before leaving that clearly told you that this had been your fault. Ayato hated losing to others. You had this nagging fear that he might try something later on. But you also knew that this was currently the smaller of the two problems.
"You ungrateful bitch! Why would you let him touch you?!" The second Ayato had completely left the room, you were already yanked upwards by Kanato, who looked wrathfully at you, making you burst out in tears once more. "You would have left me for him, wouldn't you?! Admit it!" You quickly shook your head, fearing that he might break your hands if he would add a bit more pressure. "I-I would never. I promise. I don't-don't plan on ever leaving you."
He stared intensely at you, obviously trying to judge whether you were telling the truth or not. The look in his eyes was fearsome, he had unleashed all his unstableness he had kept hidden before. "...I don't believe you."
A huge smile made it's way on his face, one that wasn't comforting at all. It was too big, looking like his mouth was hurting. Next to that it didn't reach his eyes and looked terribly fake to the extent that you felt bill raising up your throat.
"You're a liar. I don't like when people lie to me. And if someone lies, they have to be punished. That's what my mother always used to do to us when we were little." The next thing you knew was a mindbreaking pain filling all your senses.
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Between guilt and obsession (Yan! Don Giorno x Fem! Reader)
A nonnie mouse asked how would the unhinged Don act if his s/o was almost killed, and this is how I imagined it. I'm sorry in advance my nonnie, 😅😢♥️💕🐞
TW: mentions of injuries, anxiety, yandere themes, implied death.
Word Count: 1.4k
The atmosphere inside the villa was miserable, devoid of any of the joy you usually colored the place with. Giorno, usually found in his study on days that he spent at home, was nowhere to be found either. The harrowing silence was broken by the sound of metal striking the marble flooring as the young Don emerged from the basement, wiping his bloodied hands on a towel, coloring the plush white cotton material red. There was no joy in his eyes, none of the sparkle that was usually there, the emeralds had been clouded over by moss.
Your eyelids felt weighted down as you attempted to pry them open with much difficulty. You realize that the bed you’re lying on doesn’t feel the same as the one you have grown accustomed to. Finally, able to sit up and take in your surroundings, you realized that you were in the main bedroom of the villa- you were in Giorno’s room. Your rooms had an adjoining door separating them, but you always spent most of your time in your own space. Feeling dizzy as you swung your legs off the bed, the events of the day came screaming back to you, and you were panic stricken once again, the only difference was that Giorno wasn’t there to help you manage your emotions- this time you were alone.
It started off like any other normal day… well as normal as could be in your sheltered little world. You were preparing to go out with Giorno when a knock on your door interrupted you while you put on your mascara. Continuing to primp your lashes, you found it odd when you heard the second knock, as the blond would usually just knock once and let himself in, but this time nobody walked in, prompting you to answer the door upon the third knock. Everything happened so quickly, you didn’t have time to react before the enemy’s arm ran through your body, feeling the searing pain and then nothing at all, your vision clouded over seeing a golden glow envelop your body, you were jolted back to lucidity for a moment when the most intense physical pain overtook your body… and then darkness again, the last sound you heard being Giorno’s guttural scream.
Giorno checked to ensure you were still alive, with his guards already having apprehended the offender who, he decided, would be dealt with by him, personally, later on. For now, his main concern was you and ensuring that you were okay. Being driven halfway to insanity by the large blood splatter in your room, he carried your unconscious body to his room. Gently laying you down on the bed, he waited for you to open your eyes once again, knowing that you were going to be inconsolable by anyone other than himself. Just as he predicted, you were in shock, and it took a lot of gentle coaxing to calm you down while he waited for the effects of the adrenalin to wear off, which resulted in you passing out again, this time, in a deep slumber as opposed to being on the precipice of death.
Having seen you teetering so close to demise under his watch, was a personal insult to his entire sense of being, and unfortunately for you both, something in him shattered. Locking you inside his room and further reinforcing the entrance with vines, he starts walking to the basement to deal with the offender, GER materializing next to him, with a similar expression of rage on their face, ready to dole out a punishment worse than death.
With the threats neutralized and security being amplified yet again, there was no longer any imminent danger… other than the damage done to Giorno’s psyche. When he came to unlock the doors and let you out, his entire demeanor had changed, his voice monotonous, and his displays of affection were robotic, as if he was running on autopilot. He had all your things moved from your room to his without entertaining any arguments, permanently sealing off the room that served as a reminder of his shortcomings.
In the days that followed, Giorno became more and more aloof, it seemed paradoxically, that the closer you were in physical proximity to one another, the further your minds drifted from each other. Even though you were ensnared by him under the most questionable circumstances, you grew to care for him, although you wondered if your yearning was exacerbated by the fact that nobody in the villa interacted with you as freely as they once did, due, in no small part, to Giorno no doubt. Knowing the limits to how much of this you could handle you resolved to speak to the young don about this, staying up so you could catch him just before he got into bed after his shower.
You watched him crack the joints in his neck and shoulders with a sigh before pulling on his sleepwear.
“Gio…” you said in a soft voice, not wanting to startle him.
“Oh… (y/n), I thought you were asleep.” He answered you with his back still facing you, getting the last bit of water out of his hair.
“I couldn’t fall asleep… Gio, talk to me… I know you’re not okay,”
“I’m fine,” his curt response annoyed you, but you pushed on with the conversation.
“You’re lying, I know how you usually are, and this isn’t it. Your entire attitude towards me has changed, it’s like you hate me,” saying that struck a nerve, as he stopped drying his hair to turn around and look at you, unsure of how to reply to something so absurd.
“You can’t even deny it… if you hate me so much, then just let me go. Just get rid of me, anything would be better than existing like some wilting rose in an ornate vase,” you were finally able to place the emotion flashing in his eyes, he was angry… still.
“Get rid of you? I see I’ve been too lenient with you…”
“Stop acting like this… You’re not like this… not with me anyway,”
“Clearly, you’ve forgotten who you’re speaking to…”
“I haven’t, but I’m tired of speaking to Don Giovanna, I want to talk to Gio,”
“He’s gone...” He hated doing this to you, but he needed desperately for you to stop goading him. his mind was a mess, he needed comfort from you, hoping you would get his silent hints.
“Oh? Well then, I wonder if he even existed at all?” the tears pricked at your eyes, but you willed them not to fall, not in the middle of this.
“Stop…” Giorno’s voice came out as a whisper.
“Oh? Possessions aren’t supposed to speak, I’m sorry Don Giovanna,”
“Please, (y/n), stop it…”
“What? You don’t like repeating yourself?”
“Why are you provoking me like this? What do you want from me?” shouted Giorno, fisting the mirror he was looking into, causing his knuckles to bleed.
“I want you to let out your frustration about what happened, let it go and move on, or this is going to kill us both… I hate seeing you like this, knowing that this isn’t really who you are, I hate what you’re becoming, and I hate how I react to you when you’re like this!” your tears unfortunately betrayed you and left shiny streams across your cheeks.
Giorno inched his way towards you, a mixture of guilt and sorrow plaguing his heart. He didn’t want this incident to end up affecting you anymore than it already had but his inability to shake off his guilt combined with the austere instructions given to all his staff managed to create a miserable existence for you. Being blinded by his own rage and flashbacks to all the times he wasn’t able to save his precious allies, turned him into the very thing he swore to protect you from.
“(y/n) … bella, I’m sorry… none of this is your fault, and I could never hate you. I…” you saw the light slowly seep back into his eyes, vibrant emeralds regaining their shine, glossy with pent up emotions.
“Shhh, it will be okay,” you gently grasp his bloodied hand, “Why aren’t you fixing this? It looks painful… I know you have the ability to do so” you propose to him, touching the area of own former injury.
Contemplating whether or not to just leave his hand the way it was to serve as a reminder, the expectant look on your face convinced him otherwise, the softest of smiles blooming on your face when the wounds disappeared. It was then that Giorno realized that as much as he had orchestrated your need for him, perhaps he needed you around even more.
#giorno giovanna x reader#giorno x reader#yandere jjba x reader#yandere giogio#yandere jjba prt 5#yandere giorno#giorno giovanna#giorno#don giorno#don giovanna#tw injury#tw yandere#tw death
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Lovers End Part 5
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: yandere, obsession, emotional abuse, threats, PTSD, minor depiction of violence, allusion to non-con, toxic reader and unhinged Bucky, death of minor characters.
Words: 1318.
Summary: Your marriage is falling apart, and you're done trying to save it when all your spineless husband does is crying at night when he thinks you can't hear him. Little do you know how horrifying Bucky can be.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
P.S. It's not me, it's magnificent @navegandoaciegas and her awesome ideas! Also inspired by TDDUP VN!
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Once you finished with the vacuum, you locked yourself in the bathroom with Bucky’s diary in your hands - it was the only place where you could bolt the door. Besides, he could hardly hear you crying from there.
His writing was becoming more and more chaotic: soon he had stopped keeping the dates, and all of it became some kind of never-ending essay about things he hated and feared. You could his mental health deteriorating with every page, and God, you were scared of him - and you pitied him, too. Sometimes you could spot your own name, and you cried when you read how much Bucky loved you. His feelings were gradually evolving into some kind of unhealthy obsession, but you were thankful they didn’t turn into intense hatred, considering the way you treated him up until now.
Reading about you tormenting your husband was something entirely different if you compared it with your own memories - or a lack of those - but the more you read, the more horrified with your actions you became. How did it happen? When did you turn from a supporting wife into a cruel fury ready to tear apart the only person you loved? When did you reach the point of no return? You supposed it could have been that day in December, but Bucky wasn't at fault. Not directly, at least, you thought when you considered his negligence and you working like a horse.
Maybe that terrible thing was just destined to happen to you, anyway.
Regardless, that was no the reason to treat Bucky like that. You could have left a long time ago, realizing where all this had been going, and it would still be better than living how you two lived now. Now you could see the true horror of the situation and what would inevitably happen if you didn't do anything to end it: Bucky could pull the trigger any moment now.
The only option you saw was leaving. Of course, in an ideal world you could ask him to visit doctor Romanova and make him confess he wasn't really following her instructions, help him get back on track and try to recover, but you knew this wasn't going to happen. Not when Bucky had almost suffocated you and locked you in the house. Why would he listen to you now, after everything that happened between you? He'd rather think you are doing this just to get rid of him, so you doubted he'd do what you asked him to. Now there were two ways out - leave or die.
You prefered the first one even knowing Bucky was obsessed with you. You could at least try, couldn't you? In the end, you would finish with a bullet in your head if you did nothing at all to fix all this.
You still couldn't believe it was happening to you. Weren't you a really, really good couple before? You remembered your ex-coworkers envying you when Bucky was visiting the office, a bouquet of wild flowers in his hands. He had always been kind and understanding, gentle, loving, cheerful; the best husband you had ever wanted, that very same prince you had been dreaming about. You loved him to the point of leaving your mother, the only family you had, just because you wanted to be with him. Because of that you were desinherited, but you didn't care as long as Bucky was with you.
Huh, all of a sudden you remembered the times when he was in the hot spot while you waited for him at home, every day waking up with a thought somebody would call and tell you Bucky's dead. It was your worst nightmare because of which you were afraid to go to sleep every night. You prayed for him to return safely, and the day when you received a notice of him losing his left arm, you were hysterical to the point your boss had to send you to the hospital to get help.
Oh, how happy you were the day he came back. Crippled, lost, desperate, barely able to function because of his PTSD but alive. You wanted nothing as much but for your husband to come home to you. That's why, even though the company you worked for went bankrupt and you could find nothing better but being a cashier in a local food store, you were ready to do whatever it took to help Bucky get back on his feet.
Was it too much for you? Were you too weak to go through all this for him? Apparently, you were. With months of constant hard work, insomnia because of the constant night shifts, inability to put food on the table, you forgot why were you doing all this. You forgot how much you loved him and he loved you. It all turned to ashes.
Hiding the diary beneath your bed, you did your best to wipe the tears and make yourself a bit more presentable - now you saw how terrible you looked with those dark circles beneath your eyes and wrinkles, bad skin, prominent blood vessels along the inside of your eyes because constant crying... You were a young woman, still, but you felt like your body was falling to pieces. It couldn't continue like that.
"Bucky, I have to leave." You told him once you approached your husband in the living room still sitting on the couch in front of TV with a blank expression.
However, once he heard you, his face clenched up, "Did you not hear me the first time I said it? You’re going nowhere."
Trembling, you tried to pull yourself together and even sat on the couch, your palms on your knees.
"Bucky, we're not alright. Let's admit it. Things aren't going to come back to how they were before... this. We won't get better."
You swallowed nervously, not looking at him, but Bucky fell silent, waiting for you to continue. You were sure he wasn't insane to the point he didn't understand what was happening.
"Please, let me leave. You can have the house if you want to, I won't take anything. I... I'll be sending you half of my salary until you get yourself a job."
Huh, you probably wouldn't be able to rent your own place with what was left, but maybe you convince your boss to let you sleep in the back room. Hell, even sleeping under the bridge was better than being murdered by your own husband.
When you saw him crawling towards you, you held your breath, "T-this is fair! You can have whatever you want!"
But he didn't stop, and before you could jump off the couch and ran, Bucky was already on top of you, his metal hand grabbing both yours and pining them above your head.
"I want you." He shook his head, sitting on top of you, his flesh arm caressing the curves of your body. "Maybe you're right and we can't go back. But we can do better."
"Get off, Bucky!" You desperately tried pushing him away, but all you did was fueling his desire. "GET OFF!"
"Maybe you'll love me again if I put a baby in you." He exhaled, nuzzling against the crook of your neck, and you frozen in fear and disgust, you eyes wet again despite all your efforts. "And we'll be a real family again."
"NO!"
You didn't know where that power to throw your beefy husband off you came, but you were already up, back on your unsteady legs and ready to fight him even he was going to try suffocating you or breaking your neck. You weren't going to let Bucky do... this to you.
Oh God. You wanted to never let him know of what had happened on the 14th of December, but you had no choice now.
"I've already lost my baby. I'm not doing it again."
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Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @void-hoechlin @abyssaint @heeeyitskay @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherubwrites @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @soleil-dor @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @iheartsebandchris @ninefuckingoneone
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes#dark bucky barnes#dark bucky barnes x reader#winter soldier#yandere#mcu
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You mentioned rewriting that one analysis post on Tommy’s revival stream and I’d really look forward to it! I never got to read the full og post and that’s the only place I saw these takes. Especially the one about the afterlife being too depressing. It’s not even just about Tommy, the implication that even if every character is safe and happy by the end, this is their inevitable fate is messed up. It’s not “a neat subversion” it’s just depressing and doesn’t add anything.
Hey, anon!
I sorta decided to not rewrite it? I feel a bit differently about the essay in the end, although I still believe in most of my points. I’m also just not nearly as passionate about it as I was when I wrote it (I finished it in a single sitting, which was... interesting.) However, yes, the afterlife stuff still bothers me just the same, as well as the odd changes to Wilbur’s characterization... post mortem.
But—just for you, anon—here’s the entire meta-analysis essay anyway, with some minor edits to the stuff I don’t agree with anymore!
My Many Narrative Issues with Tommyinnit’s Revival Stream
I want to preface this by saying that I dearly love the Dream SMP and understand it isn’t exactly comparable to other mediums like TV and film. With this being the case, most criticism against it is generally in bad faith or strange in foundation. Complaining about streamers for bad acting is the best example that comes to mind.
These aren’t professional actors. Most have never acted in this sort of setting, or even at all. Quite a few have admitted to never roleplaying before. Which is why it’s warranted to praise Tommy, Dream, Wilbur, Ranboo, and others when they deliver stellar performances. The same applies to criticism of music choice, dialogue delivery, focus, tone, etc.
However, one such category I cannot overlook is in regards to its writing. The writing of a story is its entire foundation. It encompasses many things—conflict choice, character development, themes, and morals. The author creates the blueprints for the architect, who then expresses the story with light, sound, color, pacing, and music. It is in its execution that we see if this connection is made or broken.
The reason I find poor writing mostly inexcusable is because it is one of the most available skills to practice and perfect. I don’t mean to say that it’s easy, I mean to say it is something anyone can attempt to cultivate. Whether they do it well or not depends on their methods and experience. If anyone can self-publish a novel and be criticized online for its quality—and even compared to the works of Mark Twain—then I find critiquing the writing of the Dream SMP to be perfectly reasonable.
However, since the Dream SMP script is a set of loose bullet points, tearing apart dialogue and scene continuity—which is nearly all improv—is rather useless. It doesn’t exactly have a clear focus as the plot plays out. The characters talk in circles until they hit the story beat required, and then they move onto the next. Thus, when criticizing it, one should generally critique grand events and narrative-specific shifts, more so than small-scale character interactions.
Which brings me to my main point: The broad narrative choices taken in Tommyinnit’s most recent livestream, ‘Am I dead?’ may lead to disastrous writing pitfalls in the future.
I’ll be outlining each of my issues below, in hopes of creating a better understanding as to why I feel this way.
This might become quite lengthy, so please bear with me for a bit.
Tommy’s relationship to Wilbur has flipped. This change is jarring and seems out of character.
Tommy and Wilbur’s friendship is rather complicated. While Wilbur does care for Tommy immensely, especially during the L’Manburg Revolution and the Election Arc, his mental spiral during exile put a massive strain on their relationship as a whole. Wilbur brushed off Tommy’s feelings and wants, while clinging to him and pushing everyone else away. He was simultaneously distant and suffocating.
Tommy, on the other hand, has an unclear view of his mentor. Since the beginning, and even long after Wilbur’s death, Tommy held him in especially high regard. He saw him as a brother-figure and a wise leader. He followed what he said and did everything he could to impress him. Yet, Wilbur still hurt him while the two were together in exile.
When speaking of him, Tommy tends to flip infrequently between remembering Wilbur the way he was before his mental decline and thinking of him as a monster. Both of these images conflict with each other, but they weren’t nearly as extreme as what Tommy described Wilbur as when he was revived from death. The fear Tommy displays to Wilbur is beyond intense—it feels as if the audience may have missed a month’s worth of character development.
This can make sense, especially since it was stated that he’d spent what felt like two months in the void. However, this shift is still deeply at odds with Tommy’s previous impressions of Wilbur, which is both disheartening and confusing. The fact that Tommy would agree to stay with Dream—his abuser and murderer—over his past mentor is simply head-reeling. It paints a very different picture of Wilbur’s character, somewhat conforming to the fandom’s ableist impression of him—the idea that Wilbur is insane and irredeemable, and always will be.
It also ignores Dream being the driving factor in Wilbur’s downfall, as well as the double-bind deal with Dream which required him to push the button, no matter the outcome. Others have pointed out that Tommy may be lying to get Dream to bring Wilbur back, and there’s compelling evidence for that. For one, Tommy and Wilbur’s conversation seemed uncomfortable, but it was certainly nothing like Tommy implied. (Unless this fear comes from something Wilbur said off-screen.)
Tommy also begged Dream to not bring him back multiple times over, which he should know would make Dream even more tempted to, simply because he likes seeing Tommy in pain. Tommy is also a known unreliable narrator. He may be making Wilbur out to be worse than he is by accident (even still, I’d argue this is a bit of a stretch.)
However, there are some issues with this theory. Tommy offered himself as payment to Dream if he chose to let Wilbur rest. This is a deal Tommy knows Dream is extremely unlikely to refuse. Tommy is what Dream has coveted all this time. If Tommy genuinely wanted Wilbur back, he would not offer this. This sort of compromise is Tommy’s greatest nightmare—something he would only do in response to his friends being threatened or his home being destroyed.
To add, Tommy is not great at lying. Unless he was taught by Wilbur for those two months* in the afterlife, there’s no chance Tommy would be this good at it. Thirdly, Tommy is terrible under pressure. He uses humor to cope. When he can’t, he cries and shouts and spills his heart out. While cornered, Tommy will tell the truth about anything, especially if Dream casually debates killing him again, just for fun.
For now, it’s too early to tell how the relationship shift will play out. In the grand scheme of things, this issue is rather minor.
Season three’s writing is needlessly bleak. The portrayal of the afterlife is a nightmare. There is no rest, not even in death.
I adore the Dream SMP storyline in its entirety. I believe the first season is fantastic, and while the second season has some narrative clarity issues, I enjoyed it just as much. Although, I would argue season one had a more concrete understanding of its Hope-Conflict balance.
To briefly explain, the Hope in stories are its ‘highs’ and good moments. These appear when a character the audience is rooting for is narratively rewarded. They happen during character building in the text—it’s the downtime and peace that allows for connection and relatability. It’s a moment for the viewer to breathe easy.
The other half is Conflict, an obstacle in the story that gets in the way of the main characters’ goals, beliefs, and motives. These are the ‘lows.’ They give the narrative focus and weight. They make the highs feel even higher. They establish consequences and force the characters in the story to change in order to adapt and overcome them.
I bring up the Hope-Conflict balance because a traditional hero’s journey would have an appropriate amount of both. Their highs and lows are generally equalized, as the name suggests. However, this balance has been awkwardly skewed in the latter half of season two and in the current plot of season three. To clarify, it is perfectly reasonable, and even common, for some stories to tip the scale more to one side.
But a common mistake for amateur writers is to create their stories as either hopelessly dark to cause the audience continuous distress for the sake of distress, or to keep everything entirely conflict-free for most of the plot. What do these both have in common? They each make the story boring and predictable.
Season three has taken this concept and thrown a monstrously heavy weight onto the Conflict side and flipped the scale so hard it has crashed through the ceiling. The viewers are hardly given time to find any joy in Tommy’s character, as he’s thrown into yet another abusive situation, just barely after his first narrative reward. The world is painted as relentlessly violent and traumatic.
Every person Tommy meets is morally grey, unhinged, or out to hurt him. Everything most of the characters love is taken from them by those in positions of power. Ranboo cannot even grieve properly because it scars his face. Puffy, Sam, Ranboo, and Tubbo all blame themselves for what happened to Tommy.
The audience watches lore stream after lore stream with the same depressing tone (with the exception of Tubbo’s, but I assume that’s unintentional.) Tommy is revived after being brutally beaten to death by his abuser, surrounded by all of his greatest fears. The afterlife is revealed to be akin to inescapable torture. It’s a colorless void that wraps the individual like fabric.
Time moves thirty times slower within. There’s nothing—nothing but the voices of others who’ve passed on before him. Dying in a world already devoid of happiness takes the characters to a place worse than hell. When a narrative delivers unfair suffering to the entire cast without a moment of joy to speak of, the story will feel simultaneously overwhelming and pointless.
Why watch characters suffer when there’s no light at the end of the tunnel? What happiness could they strive for when we know they’ll never get to keep it? How can I be satisfied with a good ending, if I know that an afterlife too terrible to name is what awaits them, truly, at the end of their story? Death isn’t even a white void that offers rest—it is eternal torment.
Obviously, it isn’t a good message to send by making the afterlife seem like a quiet, perfect place or an escape from pain. But making it an unspeakable anguish which awaits, assumedly, every character who will die in the future? I deeply hope Tommy was only being an extremely unreliable narrator.
More likely, I hope the place Tommy was taken to was a Limbo of sorts, not an end-all-be-all destination for everyone.
The degree of Tommy’s narrative punishment continues to escalate, to an almost absurd degree.
Tommy is one of the most tragic characters to exist in the storyline. He was sent into war at a young age and experienced two traumatic events during it. He was exiled by the newly elected leader and witnessed his mentor Wilbur spiral and break down with paranoia. Tubbo is executed publicly in front of him. When expressing rightful anger at the person who murdered him, he’s beaten nearly to death and never receives an apology.
Schlatt dies right in front of Tommy, after his initial refusal to hurt the ex-president. His brother-figure and mentor is killed in assisted suicide on the same day his nation is blown up. His best friend exiles him from his home for the second time. He routinely self-sacrifices to protect his country and those who live there. His most treasured possessions were taken from him and he was called selfish for trying to retrieve them (although his methods were self-destructive and volatile.)
He was pushed to the brink of suicide after being relentlessly abused and isolated in his exile. He was horrified when he thought he was responsible for drowning Fundy. After making an objectively good decision to stand by his old friends and change for the better, his country was obliterated by the man he once idolized, his father-figure, and his abuser.
He was left scattered and without purpose for many days. Then he fights against Dream and loses, while also reliving his trauma. He watches Tubbo almost die at the hands of someone he once thought was his friend. He doesn’t tell a single person about what happened to him in exile. The day he tries to sever his connection to Dream and heal, he’s trapped with him for a week, surrounded by everything that terrifies him.
He threatens to kill himself, speaking about his own life as if it were an object—something to hold over Dream’s head. He blames himself for everything bad that’s ever happened to L’Manburg and his friends—internalizing a mentality as a scapegoat for everyone around him. He is forced into the role of ‘hero’ despite the title being unfair and distressing to him.
As if that weren’t enough, he’s then beaten to death by his abuser and spends what feels like two months in an afterlife that is worse than hell. When he returns, his senses are excessively heightened. Dream can cause him excruciating pain, just by pinching him. He can send Tommy into an instant panic attack, just by raising his voice.
The punishment Tommy’s character receives is a thousand times worse than everyone he has ever met, or ever will meet. And it shows no signs of stopping, as Dream now has control over Tommy’s very mortality. Tommy now fears the slightest damage and feels as if he’s losing his best friend all over again. He is also forced into a position where he has to kill Dream out of necessity, to protect everyone he cares about.
Characters need fitting punishments in relation to their actions. Not always, but in order to be satisfying? Yes, they do. It is preferred that a main character deal with unfair situations and difficult conflicts, but this is borderline torture p*rn. Putting Tommy in these distressing and abusive situations on repeat and punishing him for doing objectively moral or healthy things is exhausting to watch.
To quickly add, I find the general insinuation of Tommy going to hell distasteful, especially considering the contents of his storyline. I know this may be hard to believe, but Tommy is one of the most moral characters in the plot, besides Puffy and Ghostbur. He’s also the only character, followed by Ranboo, to recognize that they can be wrong and make mistakes. He changed himself in order to heal and be a better person. He was in the process of paying people back for the things he’d stolen.
He’s learned to be hard-working and less violent through the guidance of Sam. He has apologized to everyone he’s ever hurt (with the exception of Jack Manifold, because that man is allergic to communication.) He puts himself in harm's way to protect others. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt anyone. He goes out of his way to make connections with people and maintain them, even if others don’t reciprocate.
He’s hopelessly optimistic, despite his outwardly bitter façade. He loved so much and put meaning into the smallest things. The thought that a person like him—a suicide and abuse survivor—would go to hell after being beaten to death by the man who took everything from him; it makes me sick to my stomach.
The only thing more morbid than Tommy’s afterlife being different than everyone else’s, is the concept that everyone will end up in this same eternal torture, no matter what they do. Take your pick: Tommy is sentenced to anguish until the end of time for no reason, or everyone will receive the same disturbing ending, regardless of their actions.
The narrative weight of Ranboo’s character is potentially out the window.
For the past few months, I’ve watched all of Ranboo’s lore streams faithfully, curious to see what role he would play in the future. His ‘hallucinations’ of Dream seemed to be sowing the seeds for a plot that has Ranboo taking the fall for every single insidious thing Dream has done. It would also be a tragic parallel to Tommy’s trial.
Ranboo being convinced he was the one who blew up the community house, when Dream himself admitted to doing it, was one of the bigger indicators for me. This is just one of many other unexplained occurrences. Dream seemed to be making an effort to trigger and control Ranboo, especially after Sapnap’s prison visit. It appeared, from the way he went about this, that Dream had some grand use for Ranboo as part of his plan to be freed from Pandora’s Vault.
However, after Tommy’s stream, the way Dream explains himself makes it seem like there was no plan besides seeing if the book worked on people. And if he didn’t after all, then what was Ranboo for? Was Ranboo unimportant? Was Ranboo just some weirdo who happened to phase out when seeing smiley faces and imagined conversations that may or may not have happened?
I bring this up more as a worry, and much less so as an active problem in the narrative. They haven’t actually thrown Ranboo to the way-side or written themselves into a corner yet. In future streams, this could very easily be explained away or developed as more information is revealed.
Only time will tell.
The potential for Wilbur’s future development and importance to the plot is unfeasible.
I feel as if I am the only person on earth who doesn’t want Wilbur Soot or Schlatt revived. There are many reasons for this, but one of them is not a dislike for these characters. I especially adore Wilbur, as he’s one of my all-time favorites. I don’t want either of them resurrected because their stories have already been told. They each had a fitting conclusion that ended their involvement perfectly.
Bringing Wilbur back would especially cheapen the impact of the War of the 16th. It’s the end of a man who was brought to the absolute edge and out of desperation, shame, and self-hatred, he destroyed himself alongside his creation. Bringing him back would leave the climax of the previous story hollow. My biggest issue, however, is that a lack of story importance would likely follow his return.
The only real impact I’d like to see is through a healing arc with Tommy, an apology to Fundy, or a confrontation with Phil/Niki. But that’s really all the potential I can realistically see. While I don’t doubt Wilbur as an agent of chaos, able to create plot out of thin air; what is he going to do now? His country is gone, his friends and family are scattered about, and his mission from the 16th is already accomplished.
What is a well-educated, charismatic politician supposed to do in a world already broken and without nations? Read poetry to himself and cry evilly? However, this is working off the assumption that Wilbur would be returning as his old self.
If Wilbur is resurrected as a ‘villain’ of sorts, then what? He’s not good at fighting in the slightest. He would have no materials. There are no real allies he can make, other than the arctic group. On top of that, there are already more than enough villains to last a lifetime.
We don’t need any more, I promise. Quackity seems to already be shaping up as another antagonist, alongside Sam’s slip into darker and darker shades of moral ambiguity. We also have Philza and Techno, which are already overkill. But then we have Dream who, despite being in a prison, has the ability of selective revival. This is mercilessly overpowered, especially if he makes many allies. The dude could just bring his dead friends back so they can keep fighting forever.
Then there’s Jack Manifold and the Crimson followers; Antfrost, Bad, and Punz. That’s not even including characters who are refusing to get involved. How are Tommy, Tubbo, and Puffy expected to do literally anything to fight back?
Dream’s experiment on Tommy implies he had no backup plan to begin with. This makes his character seem both short-sighted and foolish.
When Tommy woke up after being brought back to life, Dream sounded surprised that the revival worked at all. This instantly shatters the perception that Dream was highly intelligent and thought ahead. With just a few lines of dialogue, it’s implied that Dream killed Tommy, unsure of if the resurrection would even be possible on humans.
Which, to risk something that important, seems unbelievably stupid. Dream needs Tommy, from his perspective. Tommy is his ‘toy,’ the one who makes everything fun. If he lost him and couldn’t get him back, what then? Oh well, everything Dream was doing was all for nothing, I guess.
Why not attempt this experiment on literally anyone else first? Like Sapnap or Bad or, hell, even Ranboo. I suppose it could be that, as soon as Dream got the book, he experimented with it after the 16th. This appears to be insinuated with Friend and Hendry’s revival, although this is uncertain. But even then, he was still unsure of the book’s effect on a human being.
Also, this means, hypothetically, Dream’s entire plan of escape hinged on the experiment working, to begin with, and also on bringing back Wilbur if it somehow did. I find this even more ridiculous. Why Wilbur? That man couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag, let alone get through the traps in Pandora’s Vault. Even if he is intelligent after years* in the afterlife, that’s also a strange assumption.
How do people learn things in the void? Where do they even get this knowledge? I’d honestly argue Techno is a far more competent choice than Wilbur. And even if Dream did bring him back and tell him he owed him his life, what’s to stop Wilbur from just killing him permanently? Or killing himself, continuously?
No way would Wilbur want to be controlled by anyone, ever. The dude would sooner fuck off into the mountains and become a nomad than help a neon green bodysuit cosplay as Light Yagami.
Dream’s discussion about Sam implies that he wasn't playing any part in Dream’s plan, making Sam appear entirely incompetent and neglectful of Tommy.
Dream talked about Sam in a way that seems detached and unaffiliated. He also mentioned him being broken up about Tommy’s fate and not being aware he’s still alive. Dream not being partnered with, or not using Sam in his plan leaves many plot holes. I’ll go through each one. The initial incident was an explosion, coming from the roof of Pandora’s Vault. This did not affect the Redstone mechanism for the doors or dispensers.
Meaning, Sam could’ve had Tommy leave the way that was expected for visitors after he investigated and found no issues. This likely couldn’t have been done in less than a day, but it would be better than an entire week. If Tommy was required to stay for longer, due to protocol, he could’ve gotten Tommy out and then placed him in one of the minor cells for the remainder of the time.
Also, no one else lost a canon life for leaving via the splash potion of harming and returning outside the maximum-security cell; why would Tommy? To add, Sam being uninvolved means that the explosion could have only been caused by Ranboo or Foolish. That, or it was placed long before and timed for the moment Tommy entered the main cell. (I’m going to ignore how ludicrous it is that someone would know the exact time Tommy would’ve entered the room with Dream.)
If Ranboo was the person behind the detonation, this implies he was necessary for Dream to kill Tommy to test the book. But that makes it even stranger. If this was Dream’s goal all along, why not kill Tommy the instant he was trapped with him? It makes no sense for him to wait so long.
Sam is also directly at fault for not letting Tommy out, even after the week was up. There was no reason not to. He already knew there were no issues with the prison at that point. Although, to be fair to Sam, his character may have been paranoid and checking everything more than necessary, just in case. But this still isn’t a good excuse for him ignoring protocol in this one instance, and yet, not in any of the others.
All of these plot holes or inconsistencies would be removed if it was revealed that Dream was blackmailing Sam in some way, or Sam had been working with him since the get-go. That Sam was the person who set off the explosion in the first place to trap Tommy inside. It would also explain Sam’s refusal to let Tommy out and by keeping him in there for longer than necessary.
This can also coexist with Sam’s attachment and care for Tommy. He probably wasn’t told about Dream’s plan to test the book and genuinely believed Dream wouldn’t hurt him. On top of that, Dream is known to be a pathological liar, so his statements about Ranboo and Sam could be entire fabrications.
Who knows?
The Book of Revival invalidates death entirely. The narrative now lacks both tension and consequence.
Another way the Dream SMP differs from other storytelling media is in the way it goes about its character deaths. In a TV show, for example, there will be characters who die just because, or when it’s important to the plot. However, it seems as if the Dream SMP is hesitant to commit to killing its characters. And there are many reasons for that.
The most important one being, killing someone’s character excludes them from the story and some of their livelihoods depend on them regularly streaming on the server. There is also the issue of the cast becoming extremely sparse if characters keep dying. Typically, in stories, when you kill a character, you should introduce another.
This keeps the cast from dwindling as the storyline goes on. This means the writers would have to find new streamers to join, who will develop their own characters and relationships with the plot’s continued momentum. This can be stressful and daunting to those who may be newly added in the future.
Keeping this in mind, the Book of Revival is annoying from a writer’s perspective. When death is no longer an issue for a story hinged on its characters’ mortality, then what do you have as a consequence anymore? We’ve explored every kind under the sun; from abuse, to betrayal, to loss, to destruction.
In stories, traditionally, death is a finality. It’s a conclusion. Whether it’s good or not depends on the character’s actions, its build-up, and the event’s execution. Without this lingering sense of danger, tension evaporates from the story.
Why should I care if Tommy loses in a fight to someone, if he’ll just come back a day later? Why should I care about what happened to Wilbur, if he just returns as if nothing happened? The answer is simple: I won’t. I will no longer care if Tubbo or Ranboo or Sam die in the story, because the idea of revival even being a possible outcome leaves me unenthused and uncaring.
The Dream SMP likes to flirt with death. It teases the demise of its main characters many, many times. More so Tommy’s than anyone else’s. Wilbur’s failed resurrection, which had unforeseen and unfortunate outcomes, is now strange in comparison to Tommy’s, which happened without a hitch.
To be fair, we actually don’t see how many attempts it took. But here’s the problem; Dream could do it without the book being physically present. He’s trapped in a prison with nothing on him, meaning he doesn’t need any materials either. It’s also implied he could do this as many times as he feels, for anyone he wants. This would be exceedingly overpowered, if not for one thing—Dream himself is mortal (at least, I fucking hope he’s mortal.)
If someone kills him one last time, that knowledge is gone forever. And I’m glad they’ve established at least some way for Tommy to win. Because at this point, I was losing faith.
There is also the bare minimum establishment that Dream can refuse to bring back those he doesn’t care for. He can also use it as a shield, holding this power over other people. If Dream is gone, death is permanent. But isn’t that how death is supposed to be, anyway?
What a bleak premise—the afterlife is pure eternal torture while life is cheapened by a lack of consequences.
Conclusion
All this to say, I am cautiously optimistic for the future. I hope dearly that every single one of these can be disproven or developed in the coming livestreams. Obviously, there’s not enough information to really determine what the end result will be, or how everything will fall into place.
Every time I have theorized about the story, it has done something completely different and pleasantly surprised me. I want this trend to continue.
Surprise me again—I’ll be here to see where it goes.
#answered asks#long post#tommyinnit#dream smp meta#dream smp#dsmp#dsmp analysis#this is slightly outdated still but whatever#hope this was helpful anon#tw abuse#tw suicide
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Who lives and who dies - Part 11
Angst, nothing but angst here, sorry folks but no soft hugs today. Slight trigger warning for self sacrificing thoughts and lots of mentions of death so make sure you take care of yourself when reading. Slight title changes to the previous chapter might be made because this chapter, the previous chapter, and the next chapter are going to be sort of a 3 parter. Also all relationships in this are strictly platonic unless I specify otherwise. Comments and asks are always welcome :)
Masterlist
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“Four, Five, Six.”
Dream doesn't want this. He can't kill Tommy, he can't. Despite the young boy's protests, Tommy’s only a child, he’s got his whole life ahead of him. He’s supposed to grow up and go to college and have a good fucking life away from all of this violence and chaos. He’s supposed to have a family and a home and find somewhere where he feels like he belongs, because god knows Dream wants those things. He wants to have a life that isn't threatened by someone elses greed or power hungry revenge plots. He wants to have a home for him and his cat where he can watch movies and grow plants and not have to worry about being shot in his sleep. He wants friends that care more about his well being than what bank they're going to rob next. He wants to go back to before any of this ever happened, when sapnap was kinder and didn’t carry a gun with him every time he left the apartment, when George and him would sit up on the roof until 3am stargazing and talking about George's dream to become a streamer. But now he feels like those people he knew are gone, replaced with violent and destructive tyrants that he can't even recognise.
Dream wants to turn around and give Tommy the biggest hug, he wants to comfort his friend brother and just let Sapnap and George rip him to shreds with their bullets and words. He wants to choose Tommy, he wants to punch George in the face and scream at him for hurting someone he considered family.
But wasn't George his family at some point?
It feels like a lifetime ago, but he knows that they are supposed to be close, closer than they have been in months. The stress and pressure forced a divide between all three of them, with dream on one side and George and sapnap on the other. They haven't had a proper conversation that didn't end in a fight in weeks, let alone actually be nice to one another. Dream can barely remember the last time any of them said they loved one another.
No, that's a lie.
Dream remembers the night perfectly, he thinks about it every time he storms off from another one of his and Georges fights. All three of them were together, sat in a comfortable silence with bellies full of fast food and blankets draped lazily over themselves. Dream is sat in the middle of the other two boys after a super intense pillow fight that Dream had been forced to put a stop to. Sapnap has his feet in Dreams lap, his head is rolled back and every now and again little snores escape from his mouth. George jokes about how much of a child Sapnap is and it makes Dream chuckle. They sit in silence for a while, just letting the movie George chose entertain them for a while. George's head sets itself on Dreams shoulder and Dream shuffles so he can lean into George more.
“I’m tired.”
Dream laughs and tugs the blanket he and George are sharing further up their body's.
“Go to sleep then stupid.”
George minorly attacks Dream for the comment, but it’s a very lazy attempt.
“Don't wanna.”
“Go to sleep George.”
“Fiiiiiiiiine, goodnight Dream, Love you”
“Love you two moron, g’night.”
George moves slightly so he can get more comfortable before raising his voice slightly.
“Love you sapnap.”
Sapnap gives a small snore in response and the two boys fall into a hushed fit of laughter.
But as Dream looks at his best friend ( Can he even call him that anymore ) he doesn't even know who he’s looking at anymore. Sure maybe Sapnap was always a bit unhinged, a bit too trigger happy, but when everything's said and done, when everyone goes home and tries to pretend that life is normal for a short while, Sapnap takes off the mask ( Quite literally ) and Dream can see that he’s still the same Sapnap underneath it all. But as he looks at George, he can only see his own reflection in the tainted glass of his goggles. Maybe this is God mocking him for what his friend has become. Maybe this is his fault, his fault he dragged George into his own twisted fantasies. Who was he to catapult an innocent person into this life, George had barely even learnt how to shoot a gun on their first heist. He wishes he had just let George stick to hacking, there was no need to bring him into the limelight. He could have stopped this. He could have stopped George from becoming this monster. He could have
Fuck
Dream considers what would happen if he just let Tommy kill him. Sure he would be dead, but other than that was there really a downside? It sounds so morbid when he thinks about it, in any other circumstance maybe he would be worried about his self sacrificing behavior, but maybe this was just what he had to do. If Tommy shot him and he died, then yeah Tommy would be devastated, he would be sad for a while but at least he would be safe. The boy would finally have a home, somewhere he could be safe. He thinks he trusts Wilbur enough to take care of Tommy, he’s done okay so far in Dreams books anyway. Who knows, maybe one day Techno would return and put a stop to all of this nonsense, he would scoop Tommy up and take him away from all this, away from this wretched place.
But he knows that’s just a fantasy. He doubts George would just willingly give the l’manburgians the eastside, if he thought George would have been that kind then Dream would have stepped down a long time ago.
Fuck why is this so hard
He should let Tommy kill him. It’s the easiest option, he can't kill Tommy, he doesn't want to. Nothing will be fixed if the kid is dead. So why is he hesitating? Maybe it’s because he knows that no matter what he does, Tommy will be hurt. If Dream dies George will take over and make everybody's lives a living hell, Tommy will most likely be killed anyway and all of his friends will either follow down the same path or be run out of their homes with a target on all of their heads. Maybe, if he...
Shit
Maybe if he did kill Tommy, he could make it up to the kid some way. He could make sure his friends are taken care of, make sure George doesn't go anywhere near them, give them independence. He could make sure Tubbo grows up to be smart and make something of himself, if he wanted to go to college then Dream could fund it, make sure he went to the best school, or whichever one Tubbo liked best. He could help Wilbur with his music career, Tommy said he had always wanted to become a musician, so maybe he could rent out one of those fancy recording studios people like The Beatles had. He could help Fundy when he gets into trouble coding and help Eret set up an lgbt youth center or something like that. He could bring Tommy flowers every other day, and then every weekend if he really couldn't make it. Maybe he could get a bouquet of some of those wildflowers he said were pretty when they went out adventuring that one time.
What the hell is he talking about
This is insane
He needs to focus
Come on dream, focus
“Seven, eight, nine.”
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It’s almost sunset and Tommy is barely thirteen. He hasn't had a warm meal in weeks, not that anybody else knows that, but the glowing light on his face makes him feel full. It’s nice being away from the city like this, just looking out across fields of wildflowers and long grass that makes his nose itch. Nobody knows he’s out here, but then again is there really anyone out there to care? Maybe he’s just destined to be alone, to roam through places like this and drift off into the wilderness never to be seen again. If every moment was like this one then maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if it were then at least he wouldn't be so pale.
He sits there for a while, just letting the light blanket his body. It's...calming. Tommy misses this. What he misses exactly he’s not sure of, but the feeling of being embraced makes him nostalgic, and it hits him with a wave of overwhelming sadness. The saying ‘Tommyinnit doesn't cry’ is rarely actually the truth. He misses being around people, actual people that don't want to try and mug him or steal his spot in the alley with the least rats. Sure maybe he speaks to Technoblade every now and again, but it's not like the anarchist actually cares about him. Tommy only speaks to Techno when he wants something from him, like if he needs the blond to squeeze into small spaces or spray paint some symbols on a corporate building. Tommy always gets a cut of whatever profits they make that day and then he gets to sleep in a warm bed at the shitty motel for a day or two. It’s fine though, like he said, maybe he’s just destined to be alone. He basks in the light for a little while longer, until suddenly theirs a voice behind him
“It’s late.”
Shit, shit, shit.
Tommy quickly wipes away his tears and hunches over on himself.
“Uh yeah um, I guess I lost track of time.”
“Do you even know what time it is?”
“Uh yeah it's like seven ish.”
“Nine.”
Nine! Shit, all the god spots by the fast food place are bound to be taken by now.
“Shouldn't you be getting home.”
Home, what even is home anymore. The alleyway sure doesn't feel like home. But what else has he got. Phil probably hates him by now, he took that home for granted. None of the other foster families before that had even come close to becoming a home, and he can barely remember what life with his parents was like. So what is home?
“Tommy.”
“Oh uh, yeah sorry Technoblade. I’ll just be going now.”
Tommy gets up to leave but Techno grabs his arm firmly and holds him in place.
“About today.”
He's going to get shouted at, he can feel it. It was his fault they almost got caught, he just couldn't shoot that man. He’d never been in the action directly before, only ever doing menial tasks from the sidelines. But today Techno wanted help in the field and who was he to say no to the blade. It was his fault, he couldn't kill someone and now Techno is going to abandon him and he’s going to starve to death in the shittiest fucking alleyway know to man.
“It's okay if you're not ready.”
“What?”
“It's okay if you're not ready to kill people yet.”
“I- It is?”
“It’s okay to not want to kill people Tommy, but sometimes you don't always have that choice. When the moment comes, and it will come one day, you have to decide in that moment who lives and who dies, you or them."
"W-what if I don't want to die."
"Then make sure the other person does."
Tommy waits for a while, and lets a breath escape from his lips. Maybe there's still time to find a good spot for tonight, if he leave now he can-
“Now come on, I’m making pasta.”
Technoblade turns to leave and Tommy just stands in place, his mouth agape and eyes wide.
“Hurry up child before I change my mind.”
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Tommy gets a warm meal and comfy bed that night, and the night after that, and the night after that, and every night leading up to his sixteenth birthday before there's no one left to cook him pasta or pay rent. Before he meets the next criminal willing to give him a home and keep him safe, before he finds friends and a family and a home. Then someone else cooks him pasta and keeps him company, until he starts a war and gets people killed and all of a sudden Tommy realises that the moment Technoblade had warned him of was coming to a head.
He has to decide in this moment who lives and who dies, him or dream
And he has to do it now.
“Ten paces, Fire!”
#character backstory pog#technoblade is actually here now!#i can actually tag him properly for once#it is still a flashback tho#so dont get your hopes up#dadza is mentioned#i want to speedrun writing this so i can add more dadza#we all know that wont happen#tommyinnit#dreamwastaken#georgenotfound#sapnap#wilbur soot#fundy#the eret#tubbo#crime au#technoblade#mcyt
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Broker
This has got to be one of the stupidest plots to get two people in a bedroom alone ever conceived.
Also, to hell with all these meddling busybodies who apparently have nothing better to do with their time than interfere in the love life of their work colleagues.
I am so done with this forced breakup plot, it’s unreal. This script has devolved into utter and complete nonsense.
***
This is supposed to be such an emotional whump scene and yet all I feel is embarrassment for the writers 🙄
If you want us to feel anything for and with your characters, you’ve got to write them in a way that makes sense, you know? You can’t just throw two people at each other and call it a day.
***
LMAO, of course he’s fully awake 🙄🙄
This whole thing is so forced and stupid, I cannot. Anyway, here’s more of his pretty face as a consolation prize for still putting up with this nonsense.
***
LMAO, ‘white lies’ 🤣🤣
She kidnapped your sister and held her at knifepoint with more than half a mind to murder her!
When it comes to idiotic themes and dialogues, this show is really giving me so much to choose from. We’ve been so blessed in that department 🤣🤣
***
LMAOOOO, evil mom is seriously unhinged 🤣🤣
I wonder if she thinks Jiaxin and Mo Li are together-together and that’s why she’s going all evil underhanded scheming evil mother-in-law on her and pushing boyfriends on her daughter.
***
👀👀
If this was a normal show, she would 100% be worried they are fucking.
***
LMAO, the CCP propaganda is strong with this drama.
But at least it comes with his pretty face 🖤
***
LMAOOOOO 🤣🤣
Of all the contrived nonsense!! 🤣🤣
***
Which would all be good and well if I believed you for a second.
It’s been a while since I came across a more unconvincing romance.
***
She’s just excellent.
She’s easily the best part of this drama, she’s so talented and believable, in spite of the garbage script she was given to work with. I’m even going to go as far as saying she’s better than LYX in this role.
***
So pretty when he cries 😋
This show will redeem itself with his tears!
***
Aww, she keeps the photo of her and Jiaxin as her screensaver! 🤗
And she wouldn’t let him delete it!!
Sail my lovely ship, sail!! To hell with the men, you two are the best thing that’s come out of this drama, even if it’s admittedly a low bar.
***
Noooooo 😭😭 Mo Li is saying goodbye!!
But also this:
I hate that this is probably permanent goodbye for them. I want to watch a drama with the two of them, where Jianing fucks off to be sanctimonious somewhere on a different continent, Jiaxin grows some common sense and stops being so annoying, and she and Mo Li ditch the deadweight men and toxic parental figures to ride off into the sunset together.
The two of them (but mostly Mo Li) were the only good things to come out of this entire mess.
***
Oh, fun! I like this new guy already!
Also, I have to admit I am somewhat surprised that this Xianglan even existed and that the entire bullshit story that ZXS told QJN was not a complete lie. But then again, I did see the spoilers that ZXS apparently has a little daughter.
I am guessing this evildoer is after the child, not trying to resurrect a dead woman.
***
Oh, so it’s not the child, he’s just crazy.
Anyway, I do love the intense, insane characters so I’m definitely looking forward to this guy pushing Qin Bin and the office gossips out of screen time. Maybe this show will become watchable again.
Does anyone have a summary of the novel or something? I bet this Xianglan nonsense makes more sense in the original.
***
I wish I looked this good when depressed 😢
***
Mte.
The way all these irrelevant people keep sticking their noses into other people’s personal business is just wtf. Who thinks that makes for good storytelling?
***
Please let’s go back to the evil son-in-law 😭😭 I have zero fucks to give for the sick kid and that stupid storyline.
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sam stan ask game! Saw this on @anglicansamwinchester‘s blog and I wanted to do it!
Sibling status (younger, middle, older, only child…) - I am the second youngest of 4, so I get both middle and youngest vibes.
How long have you been stanning for - I loved Sam from the very first episode I ever saw (which I think was Tall Tales) but I think what REALLY did it was Houses of the Holy. Watched that 6 years ago and it was just ... he has FAITH, he has to believe he can be SAVED! Who can watch that and not stan?
Favorite Sam era - S1-2. Psychic Sam rights!! Gender! also S13-14 any time he interacts with Jack. Honestly bringing in Jack was so good for Sam’s character I wish the writers had actually done something with it.
Favorite spn season, but if the only criteria was Sam’s hair - ummm S3 hair is very good, also S12.
Favorite Sam-centric episode - Ooooo I’m gonna have to say American Nightmare. I know it’s later seasons and there’s probably stuff from earlier seasons that I technically like better, but MAN if that one doesn’t hit hard.
Any ships you may like to mention - Saileen is beautiful and I love it so much.
Favorite song you would/have put in a Sam playlist - ooo there are so many but one I have on my playlist that I love is Power by Bastille. Also I’m Good At Being Lonely Can’t You Tell by fat’se. </3
If you could steal one thing from Sam’s wardrobe, it would be - Carhartt Jacket. It’s a classic and I love it.
Complete the sentence: If Sam cishet, then WHY bad at performing expected gender??
Favorite unhinged Sam moment - Not the most unhinged but when he just straight up tackled Lucifer at the end of Season 13 in order to defend Jack. OH also when he slams Nick up against the wall in Season 14.
You must have some intense headcanons you need to talk about, tell me one Sam hc that drives you insane - that Sam still has access to his powers but the only reason he hasn’t used them is because he’s afraid to. That line in American Nightmare drives me up the wall!! When he says that he can’t anymore and then he says “at least I don’t think so!!” Why didn’t they do anything with that!!! aaaaaaaaaaaa!! HE NEVER NEEDED THE FEATHER TO FLY
Tell me something about the hbo Sam that lives in your brain - black nail polish, overt gender non conformity. Wear skirts with their carhartt jacket. Have open discussions about theological topics, and then cries and their mascara runs down their face.
Oh no, the writers forgot to give Jess a personality! Now it’s up to you. Tell me, what was Jess like - I don’t have a concrete idea of Jess in my head but I’m just gonna throw out some stuff I like to think about sometimes. She’s bi. She paints. She grew up in California and has 2 younger siblings. She wants to change the world but doesn’t have a concrete plan on how to do that, but she talks about it a lot.
Biggest injustice Supernatural commited against Sam (be as brief or as ranty as you desire) - The fact that they always made him morally right but textually wrong, I will be angry about this until the day I die. He literally said that choices are what make you a monster, not birth, and the text was like “haha, expect we’re gonna kill the monsters anyway.” Still fuming.
And finally, just say something about him that makes you smile ♥ His stubborn optimism. Sometimes he will fall into despair, but the way he’s able to pick himself up and say no, I have hope. I have faith. You can take away literally everything I’ve ever believed in, and I will keep believing that good things will happen. <3 KING
@thegrassfairy @bean-witch @piades if you wanna do this <3
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au where edward has aro’s powers and aro has his
read more bc this got looonnnggg
How Edward’s life would be different:
his power starts out just in his palms (like kate’s did, my hc for canon!aro too) and he makes no effort to expand it
actually he just straight up hates his power bc duh, he’s edward (”it’s a curse,” he says dramatically, whenever anyone asks him abt it)
he realizes he has it fairly quickly when right after waking up from being turned he touches carlisle and immediately knows everything
but since he touches carlisle pre-esme carlisle’s outlook is still pretty bleak
edward is 10,000x more emo and angsty
super nihilistic bc whenever he does read someone’s whole life it becomes clear to him that there’s no real order to anything or narrative guiding ppl’s lives so like... we all out here, suffering eternally
(tbh he’s deeply impacted by having touched carlisle first and absorbs carlisle’s pre-esme deep despair, loneliness, and nihilism, which colors his whole vampire life from the beginning)
he wears gloves all the time bc he hates touching ppl bc it’s an invasion of their privacy and mentally fucks him up
he tried to do the “kill bad ppl” thing like in canon in order to restore a personal sense of justice and order to the universe buuuuuuutttt it didn’t last long bc he had to touch ppl to eat them and it became abundantly clear that people are complex and not easily sorted into good/bad boxes, and it’s hard to condemn someone to die when you know their entire life
edward is deeeeeeeeppppllyy empathetic as a result of his gift. he’s also TERRIBLE at making decisions
he resisted going to HS with the others for a really long time bc he was afraid of accidentally touching someone
the only person he touches regularly is alice bc she worries abt him being touch-starved and lonely, and she insists. edward is ok with it bc alice is legit super optimistic and listening to her thoughts is really soothing/healing, and he has her consent. plus, it’s cool/useful to be able to see her visions. edward starts pushing his gift’s limits/expanding it in order to try and access alice’s memories from when she was human, as a gift to her
the rest of the vamps in the house fucking makes him even more emo than in canon bc he thinks he can never bang someone bc it would mean touching them all the time and he couldn’t condemn someone to an eternity without privacy, and no one would ever consent to that
edward hates himself bc he feels like his gift is unethical and he’s a monster for having it and invading ppl’s privacy the way he does
he does occasionally touch ppl for really important reasons... if the cullens are worried abt someone being a threat to their family, or carlisle is trying to save someone’s life but doesn’t know what’s wrong with them
edward’s gift is kinda a secret in the vampire world, only the cullens and denalis know
despite the fact that edward is emo abt being a vampire, he’s intensely grateful he was turned by carlisle, the original vegetarian vampire, bc edward would have HAD to become a vegetarian due to being unable to kill ppl bc of his gift and it would have sucked for him to be alone, the first vegetarian vampire
alice is always trying to encourage edward to touch ppl bc she thinks it will make him less emo. her theory is that he’s mostly only touched ppl with really sad lives and outlooks and that if he understood the fullness of most ppl’s lives he might be less nihilistic
another part of his gift edward works on with alice is turning his gift “off” even when ppl are touching his hands, and being able to root through ppl’s memories and only see what he’s looking for so it’s less invasive
alice encourages edward to wear his gloves less often to school so he can practice controlling his power, on teenagers, whose lives are shorter and less sad and therefore less mentally upsetting for edward
@ang3lba3 had this brilliant idea of edward touching bella while his gloves are off and being Shook af. i can’t stop thinking abt bella almost getting hit by the van on a day edward didn’t wear his gloves, edward bracing himself and rescuing her, then being overwhelmed when he can’t hear anything from her, thinking he’s finally “broken the curse” of his gift, going home and touching someone and Oh Shit It’s Not Gone It’s Just Her
edward is like. kind of obsessed with touching bella. he’s very tactile from the very beginning. holding hands with her is just incredibly blissful for him
throughout the series edward works on refining his gift to be more tolerable. it’s like his lil project. bella makes him want to try
edward is p reluctant to turn bella into a vampire bc he’s never met any vampires with happy lives or satisfying personal narratives/growth. he thinks all vampires just #suffer in the endless void for all eternity. humans have much clearer stages of life, growth, beginnings and endings that make them more fulfilled. (or so edward claims)
post bd edward would be able to pick specific thoughts out of someone’s head without seeing their whole life, and bella would work on her shield so she can deliberately send specific thoughts TO edward, and so with both of them concentrating really hard (at first), they could have mental conversations while touching, v similar to canon post-bd (except in this version bella has more control and edward is v specific to only find the thoughts she’s sending him)
tbh if edward ever manages to figure out his gift fully, he’d make a rlly good vampire therapist, bc he could isolate traumatizing memories (that ppl may not even consciously remember) and have a good perspective on how that’s affected their lives and how they can work towards recovery. since he himself would have to learn rigid mental compartmentalization in order to stay sane with that many lives in his head, he could teach ppl how to work thru a traumatic incident and then mentally shelve it once they’re done. also, some ppl define trauma as an inability to form a coherent personal narrative, which edward could also help with, bc he can identify patterns and similarities across a person’s entire life that the person themselves may have forgotten or overlooked
anyway, this version of edward is much more gloomy to begin with but would also undergo significantly more extensive character growth, which i think would be a really cool story
How Aro’s life would be different:
still volturi
still king of the vampire world
however killing other vamps/enforcing the law includes much more torture and interrogation bc aro can only hear what they’re thinking abt at the time
he has much less absolute power over other member’s of the volturi bc they can hide things from them by not thinking abt them around him, but at the same time, aro is more feared bc his gift is more omnipresent
aro is hella paranoid and keeps the most important members of the guard within his gift’s range at almost all times
as a result the volturi are much more mobile bc aro insists on going on most outings/executions
aro likes to keep his absolute range a secret to keep ppl on their toes and reinforce their fear of him
aro collects mental gifts in order to be omniscient and is constantly looking for power-amplifying vampires. so instead of focusing on recruiting vamps with physical gifts like strength or fighting, he looks for vamps like eleazar (&alice and jasper) who can sense things he can’t, as being able to read their thoughts allows him their gift by proxy
he’s constantly suspicious ppl are hiding things from him
i think this aro would just be a lot more vicious and violent in general
less useful in battle tho, bc he can’t know the opposition’s entire strategy, and while he can know if someone’s about to attack him, it doesn’t really help him keep anyone else from being attacked
i think this aro would be generally very twitchy and bizzaro, constantly responding to ppl’s thoughts instead of their words, lowkey always overwhelmed by what everyone’s thinking + his suspicions+ his own schemes, less of a shut-in and therefore more overwhelmed by a ton of thoughts. all the other vamps would think him slightly unhinged, talking to the air somewhat nonsensically all the time, visually emotionally reacting to other ppl’s thoughts (but just looking startled or angry at nothing), never having a predictable mood.
as a result, there would be more of an underground resistance to the volturi, and his general hold on power is less absolute. (and he’s very aware of how unstable his position of power is, which makes him crazier)
he keeps trying to expand his mental range but the REAL problem is not distance but that he can only handle hearing a certain number of ppl’s thoughts at once. unlike edward, who was forced into hearing a ton of ppl’s thoughts all the time from the very start in order to pretend to be human, and who didn’t much care abt most ppl’s thoughts, aro is never forced to live in a city and get acclimated, and he cares deeply abt what ppl are thinking bc he’s a paranoid schemer, so each person’s mind requires a lot more concentration.
sometimes aro gets reeallll mad when ppl talk out loud bc it interrupts his mindreading concentration. yet another reason why the rest of the volturi is both terrified of him but also think he’s insane
also more unhinged from hearing ppl die all. the. time. in canon he listens to ppl’s whole lives but obvs doesn’t listen while he kills them, why would he, whereas in this au he’s forced to listen everyone’s thoughts as he kills them (or eats them!) and it is one of the things that pushes him towards insanity. (canon edward doesn’t have this problem bc he kills significantly fewer ppl than aro and also obvs doesn’t feed on humans)
ALSO more unhinged bc canon!edward refines his gift so he can “turn down” other ppl’s thoughts or mute them/stop listening, whereas in this au aro is so obsessed with power he never even tries to develop that skill bc he wants to know what everyone is thinking always, so he has no regulation ability. he keeps trying to expand his power in stupid ways (like making the range bigger) without actually trying to regulate it in ways that improve his mental health or sanity
honestly in this au aro is just significantly more insane, but less powerful, both of which make him more dangerous bc he’s more desperate
how them having each other’s powers changes the larger plot:
honestly idk
i’ll think abt it
my brain isn’t working anymore u guys figure it out
#twilight#twilight meta#aro volturi#edward cullen#twilight renaissance#tts#twilight in 2019#twilight saga#twilight revival#the twilight saga#twilight reimagined#twilight au#twilight hc#twilight headcanon
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persona 5 royal: my thoughts after finishing it five minutes ago
disclaimer: the only reason im writing this is because 1) i have a lot of thoughts and feelings that i need to write down and if i dont ill explode and 2) i want to be able to find this when p5s eventually drops so i can compare my thought processes. if you do not agree with what i’m going to say, that’s cool! just block me or ignore this post.
now for the sake of sanity, i’m going to try and narrow down this entire list into chunks because this’ll probably be very very long and very much about me just screaming about stuff that i liked, loved, and don’t like. i will be spoiling both the original persona 5 and persona 5 royal, obviously, so i hope you finished both!
1) Akechi
so yes. Goro Akechi. Everyone’s favorite murderer. I’m going to by spewing a lot of hot takes, and this is probably going to be the spiciest: i am in the most intense love-hate relationship with this brown haired antagonist because jesus christ is he a complicated son of a bitch. I know i’ve complained in the past about how much Atlus often struggles with utilizing a character well, but that does not at all relate to Akechi in any way, shape, or form.
I’ll say this now: He is a character I genuinely, truly hate, yet he is the one I want to hear from the most. He is someone who is a bad person (yes, he is a bad person) but whenever he comes on screen he makes me sit up, he makes me pay attention to him because that’s just the aura he exudes. He is a character who i would never, ever waste my time defending or justifying his actions, but every minute joker spends with him is a minute i want to stretch out as long as possible because he is just that good of a character. He is interesting, he is well defined, he is smart, he is clever, he is sassy, he’s a motherfucking asshole who’s never had a vibe check in my life and i still hate him. Goro Akechi is what Star Wars wanted Kylo Ren to be, and that allegory may not make sense to many people but it works for me so i’m saying it. It’s to the point where writing akechi in a fanfic makes me sweat because in my opinon capturing the essence of akechi is near impossible unless you know what you are talking about (i do not mean that in anyway to discourage people from writing him, im just saying that I am a coward because i will never be able to write a good akechi). Anyway, bottom line is: i despise him but my eyes are always glued to him at all times.
back to the main point-- Atlus absolutely nailed this character and every single addition they put in for Akechi. I’m so damn thrilled that you actually have confidant hangouts with him because every single time you talk to him, it services not only the plot, but it perfectly does what it is supposed to do: it makes you like him, but also leaves the player slightly unnerved. they do it so casually that I might have trouble explaining it, but bear with me: everytime you hangout with him, he always does or say something that unhinges you just a little bit, it leaves you asking ‘wait why?’ or ‘but how did you know that’ or ‘why are you saying that?’. akechi is constantly playing mind games with you. and not only that, adding backstory to akechi (moreso than in the original) is just fucking fantastic. he’s always been a fully fleshed out character but after playing royal, goro akechi actually exists in my mind, and i still hate him (but also i dont. but also i do. anyway)
2) the ending
just finished the game and this is the point where i am at odds with p5r for the first time. the ending to p5, in my opinion, was flawless; everything was perfect and had meaning. from the shot of akira being shown to not wearing glasses anymore because he no longer feels the need to wear a mask (character development: he was very unhappy at the beginning of the game and now he’s happy with his friends--i love it), to his friends being the one to drive him home (amazing, he left his home town and came to shibuya alone via transit, and one year later he’s now leaving with all of his best friends in a van they rented just so they could stay with him as long as they can--it’s perfect, i love it), and also all of them seeing how large and infinite the ocean is (because now there’s unlimited options for them because they all have a new perspective on life).
But....none of that is there in p5r. it feels impersonal. no one drops him off at his hometown, he was still wearing glasses, and there’s no grand metaphor about what they all achieved.
Now, i am not a (complete) moron. I know why they had to change it: it’s because of persona 5 scramble (i think). they wanted to set up a plot for the next game and i feel like thats the reason why persona 5 royal’s ending suffered for it: they were too focused on the next plot that they forgot to focus on the sentimental ending for p5r. don’t get me wrong, seeing akechi in the train station absolutely made me lose my shit and made me scream at one in the morning, but i think they lost the core meaning in doing the other stuff. i did not like the focus on maruki and kasumi (will be talking about them later), cause i feel like it took away from the ending, and i also didn’t like the fact that the whole joker outfit in the reflection thing (but i will be letting it slide since it was during the after credits anyway). So while i do love one (1) new aspect of the final cut scene, i still adore and stan the one from persona 5.
3) the entire last semester
i’ll be quick: the final palace? the best palace. fight me. it’s fantastic, it’s innovative, it’s interesting, and most of all, the palace ruler is actually the best one in the entire game and i know i wont be the only one to say this. maruki is not a villain: i know for a godamn fact that im not the only one to say that i almost agreed with his deal of allowing the reality (damn i almost agreed twice) because why wouldnt you?? it’s literally a perfect reality! the only reason i didnt agree is because i knew the game wouldnt want me to agree and would force me to have the bad ending! anyway, i love the last section so much. the palace design is interesting, the antagonist is brilliant (who doesn’t love a morally gray antagonist?), and finally, the payoff of kasumi happened and it made me silent for ten minutes. the entire reveal of her being sumire and kasumi being dead is just so genuinely shocking to me that it nearly broke my neck.
what actually broke my neck was the initial incident for the third semester. seeing everyone in this wild alternate reality made me so unsettled that i literally got a stomach ache. i saw morgana as a human and nearly passed out. shiho in the underground? wig. ryuji saying he’s on the national pedastal for running? literally my eyebrows just popped off my head. fucking WAKABA? FLATLINED. brilliantly executed and i love the initial akechi and akira buddy cop movie vibes in the beginning it was just so fun.
one huge part of the third semester for me though, was of course, akechi. seeing him completely throw away his ‘charming ace detective’ speil was the most refreshing and interesting and not to mention, hilarious part of the game. he does not give a fuck about anyone and he is not afraid to let you know. he is the biggest savage and the most insane person on the phantom thieves group. he’ll roast you, he’ll roast your boyfriend, he’ll roast fuckin anyone and it’s fantastic. not to mention his dialogue is killer: he says the most bat shit insults ever and my favorite example is when you go up to him near the end of the game, you know, to hangout with him and be a nice guy, he just does not hesitate to say ‘what, you came just to see me? just the sort of brainless sentimentality i’d expect from you.’ i LOVE IT because why the hell would he try to be nice? the jig is up, he’s got nothing to hide. and he owns it. atlus seriously nailed akechi in this last semester and it’s brilliant and i love it.
4) everything else
- one small thing that pissed me off in both games (but especially this one) is how many godamn fake out deaths there are. Morgana has one, Akira has one, Ryuji has one, Sojiro has one, Maruki has one, motherfucking Akechi has two. it just hurts me!
- sumire is an amazing character who has depth and she is lovely and my biggest complaint is that it feels like atlus shoved her in. like, she feels like a new addition to the game, you know what i mean? maybe its because ive played the original p5 first, but you know, it’s not a big deal. but i love her so much
- on the topic of sumire, i cant say that im completely super duper happy with how different she felt from the other thieves? im sure that’ll be explained in p5s but she just got so much screen time that it just truly made me confused?? maybe im just a horrible person, or that’s just a really hot take. but anyway, yeah maybe im bitter because i really wanted to see extra hangouts/school trips during royal, but didn’t really.
-baton pass? literally orgasmic. it made turn base battles so damn fun and the addition of darts and billiards made me foam at the mouth it was SO SMART AND INNOVATIVE AND I LOVE IT ATLUS I LOVE YOU ATLUS YOURE SO SMART SWEETIE
-small thing, but making spells like ‘dormina’ actually useful just made the game so much more fun and dungeon crawling became something i truly, genuinely looked forward to
-being able to give gifts to my bros? absolutely incredible. thank you. side note: seeing akechi happy from giving him a multi vitamin cracked me up. side side note: giving ryuji a fuck ton of weights and him just smiling made my heart so happy i love that boy so much
- ah this game just looked so GOOD! i thought the original looked good but they really went all out. im not kidding, the smallest details in everyday life or even just normal cut scenes were out of this world. especially stuff from the third semester its just OOF good JOB atlus i love you buddy
-ahhh thieves den! how can i forget? i love it. at first i was a bit iffy with it since it really felt like persona 5 (undoubtedly the biggest game atlus has created) was just jacking itself off. but as time goes on, it became a huge addition to the game and seeing characters’ insights and extra lines of dialogue became super duper interesting and a highlight of the game for me. and don’t even get me started on how much i love love love the photos they added of them hanging out! so lovely, a bunch of them made me tear up
- i know it’s literally impossible, but i feel like the game just forgot that akechi is a person who can wield multiple persona and i just wish that could’ve been messed around with during Palaces
- showtimes are so, so crazy and i get so embarassed whenever they play on my tv because they are just outlandish and unashamed but i love them so so much it just defines persona’s personality
-because i love ryuji: i prefer the final conversation you have with him aka ‘whaddya mean? you’re there’ but there’s still a lot of really tender and sweet moments like akira genuinely telling him that he’ll miss him, and also the fact that ryuji wants you both to send each other your times through the exercise watch so you can still race ahhhh i love him so much yall
so, overall, this game is better than the original p5 because of the extra content we get. if persona 5 was the perfect dinner, persona 5 royal is that same dinner and you get to enter the dessert buffet. it’s brilliant, it’s smart, it’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, and it’s undoubtedly my favorite game of all time without exaggeration. while i do prefer the final cut scene (and final dialogues with some characters) in the original persona 5, in the overall experience, persona 5 royal is superior in my mind. i would willingly get amnesia to play this game again.
I didn’t get to cover everything, but this is definitely most of what i wanted to say. if you actually get to reading all the way to the end, thanks! it means a lot. i hope we can all enjoy persona and look forward to persona 5 scramble together :-)
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Do you think that dabi is looks different in this chapter? He always cool and calm without many expressions! And in this chapter he screaming and laughing strangely??
THIS IS SO WILD I WAS LITERALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF COLLECTING PANELS TO MAKE A POST ABOUT THIS,,, i’m just going to drop that post in this answer because i’m out here rejoicing that someone else noticed this!!! thank you!!!!!!
(more under the cut!)
i want to start off by saying, i absolutely think dabi looks different in this chapter. i was really enthralled by the drawing and shading style in this chapter anyway; it’s more than dark, it’s intense, it sets the mood, it feels dangerous.. seriously how much ink did they use wow?
but i actually want to skim through this chapter as i answer this ask.. with dabi in mind.. from the first page, i feel like dabi’s staples are already straining - they seem like they’re more taut.. that’s fitting since as the chapter progresses, we notice more and more that dabi is obviously on edge.
he also looks like a puppet master here lol
i seriously need to reread the manga in full but the wall of fire seems like a major power display for dabi. kind of like an ultimate move, he seemed calm enough here, and confident that no one would interrupt their talk/fight. and even though his demeanor starts off somewhat in character, dabi is also seems desperate to move in on hawks and endeavor (mostly endeavor, although i don’t think he’s above injuring/killing hawks even if he’s a new “comrade”).. i mean look at him in this panel though, why is he acting out like this? it seems rash and impulsive, driven by something more personal than just being a follower of stain..
miruko shows up, blah blah, who is ujika-san (i feel like that quirk looks familiar, almost like the sludge villain from a long time ago, although i don’t think he had teleportation powers lmao), blah blah, miruko’s thighs can choke me, etc etc
okay this next panel. i really. just wow. i reaaaaally want to try and wrap my head around this one. like… look at dabi??!?!?! he looks insane. crazy, mad, unhinged. his staples are holding on for dear life, his eyes are so bloodshot, he’s yelling. when does dabi ever raise his voice?? exactly. the detailing.. it’s pulling on his skin like that’s gotta hurt? and look at his jaw oh my GOSH it’s literally stretching the skin out thin. like, behind that first staple on his jaw, i feel like those are muscle fibers being yanked
this panel is so fucking emotional..
it’s completely opposite from that time he called out shouto’s name…
dabi was significantly calmer.
and seeing enji’s got him completely riled up. even when dabi meets up with hawks later, his eyes are still huge and they have that dangerously wild look.
and then we’re back to good old dabby
AND THEN WE SEE THE AFTERMATH.
dabi’s staples are bleeding from the strain of his emotion earlier. maybe that’s why he usually keeps his cool, aloof, calm? maybe his skin is fragile for.. reasons……. anyway this is a good parallel to the fact that it seems like dabi is barely holding himself together, while also showing he does have a breaking point.. and it’s the todorokis who are pushing him to the edge
tl;dr: dabi is literally bursting at the seams thank u for coming to my tedtalk
#bnha spoilers#IM IN THIS CHILLS AND IM CRYING#dabi todoroki theory#dabi#anon#liv answers#i need to start tagging which chapter lol#bnha 191#hundred
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If I Were Here Ch 2 (Ninjago-Angst-Week Day 2 - Nightmares)
Hey! Maya here with more Pixane! Crazy, I know. I’ve been meaning to write this for forever, but when I saw today’s prompt I finally found myself some motivation! If you missed chapter 1, you can see that HERE (don’t worry, there’s nightmares in that chapter too). This is a Pixane angst fic (duh) focused on Zane after Pixal leaves his systems and his dip into insanity. There’s one more chapter coming (most likely on day 7) so there’s that I guess. Anyway, special thanks to @ninjago-angst-week for this awesome idea! Sorry I didn’t really do anything yesterday. I’ll try harder in the future, promise.
Happy Reading! (Or I guess Angsty Reading if you prefer)
“Zane?” The voice startled me. It belonged to Nya. I turned around to see her standing at the entrance to the kitchen. It was fairly late, and I had wandered out of my room to distract myself from my failed attempts to sleep with a snack, or maybe just a glass of water.
“Yes?” I closed the fridge doors behind me.
She didn’t respond immediately. She looked at me as if I should know what she wanted to say. Quite confusing at most and unproductive at least. “It’s pretty late, what are you doing up?” She asked leaning over the counter.
“Can’t sleep,” I shrugged.
Again, she hesitated a moment before speaking. “Is this… about Pixal again? Cole said-”
“Cole caught me in the middle of a bad dream. I was… confused.” I insisted.
“It’s okay if you miss her, you know? You don’t have to act like it doesn’t bother you.” Her eyes were sincere.
I bit my tongue, trying not to tear up. “It’s silly.”
“It’s not silly.”
“I know it doesn’t matter to you.” But the tears fell anyway.
Nya stood, walking towards me. “Yes, it does matter. She mattered to everyone.”
I could feel anger rising in my chest. “No. No, she didn’t. You never cared about her like I did. She wasn’t real to you the way she was real to me! You can’t pretend like she was!”
Nya took my hand and grasped it between both of hers. “You’re right,” She nodded. “I think it’s fair to say that she mattered to you the most. I don’t know what you’re going through.” The stream of tears on my cheeks slowed as she spoke. “But you know what? I care a whole heck of a lot about you, and if you’re hurting,” tears peaked into the corner of her eyes as well. “I hurt too. I can’t just stand here and watch you swallow your feelings. Talk to us, what do we need to do to make things okay?”
I could feel my body shake. There was no way to make this okay. Things weren’t okay.
“Or at least less bad. Help me understand what’s going on with you.”
I took a deep breath, trying to find the power to speak again.
“Girls are kinda complicated. I get it,” Nya smiled.
I smiled back, breaking her grip, and leaning on the counter behind me. I cleared the tears from my eyes as my lips began moving. “I’ve been having… dreams. Nightmares. Visions maybe.”
“You think they might be real?”
I shook my head. “No. But I think…”
“What?”
“...I think that Pixal is trying to tell me something.”
I looked up at Nya to see her considering my words. “What are the… visions about?”
“Well,” I started. “She... dies. In every dream, she dies. And I don’t do anything to stop it.”
“Why would Pixal want you to see that?” she questioned.
“I think…. That maybe she’s trapped in my systems somewhere. She’s trapped and she hurts. She’s dying inside me, but because I can’t see her, I’m not doing anything to stop it!” I stood and began pacing the floor. “And I would save her if I knew how, but I don’t know what she needs! I don’t know where she is or how to get to her or-”
“Zane,” Nya’s voice stopped me again. “I see… where you’re coming from.” I turned to look at her, her body again leaning on the counter. “And I know this might be hard for you to hear, but if I’m being… honest with you, I feel like maybe instead of these dreams being secret messages encoded by Pixal for you to find her, maybe… they’re just dreams.”
I took in her words shaking my head. “No. She’s there. I know she’s inside me somewhere trying to tell me-”
“Zane.” Her voice beckoned me to her eyes where she stared at me with intensity. “If Pixal wanted to talk to you do you think she would scare you? Do you think she would put all this twisted imagery in your mind?”
I stopped moving, submitting to her words.
“No. I knew Pixal. She would never want to hurt you, she loved you way too much for that. And maybe it’s hard for you to let go of this because this is a way for her to still be a part of you and give you a chance to save her, but maybe it’s time for you to consider that she isn’t a part of some complicated scheme,”
Tears returned to my eyes.
“Maybe it’s your guilt giving these nightmares, and maybe… Pixal is just… gone.”
---
I stood in an infinite darkness. I was alone. But I knew she was there. She was always there when I closed my eyes. I had to change that. I had to make things different. Nya was right. It was all in my head. None of it was real. None of it was going to bother me. Not this time. I knew what had to be done. If I ignored it, it would go away, right? I shouldn’t want to save her, because she wasn’t there. This whole process was about acceptance. This time, when I did nothing, it was going to be my choice. I had to accept it. There’s nothing I could do. She’s gone.
“Zane?” The voice startled me… It was Pixal’s. She sounded sad and hopeful, and… hurt. As if she had been crying. I turned around to see her not a hundred feet away from me. Dressed in a red gown, flowing around her, consisting of several translucent layers. Her eyes were dim, and her cheeks were wet. “Zane?!” One of her hands reached towards me, shaking.
I bit my lip and shook my head. “You’re not real. I can’t save you.”
“Don’t you want to be with me?” Her voice turned much more monotone, and clean, her body straightening itself, and her eyes brightening.
“Of course I do.”
“Then just stay here,” she whispered. “With me. Stay here in the digiverse, and we can be together.”
I hadn’t prepared myself for this offer. “That… that’s not possible. You’re not real. None of it would be real!”
“It can be if you just… believe it is.”
Tears cluttered my eyes again as my soul ached. Her figure was so perfect, her voice so promising, her presence so inviting.
“Take my hand.”
I looked at it for a long moment. My fingers twitched, but I had to stop myself.
“No.”
As soon as I spoke, her attention turned away from me, towards the darkness around us. Her knees began shaking, struggling to hold her body as if gravity had become stronger. Thick black bands of darkness slowly curled around her body, taking hold of her feet and dragging down her fingertips, her hand, and then her arm. Her eyes then looked back to me in desperation.
“Am I not real to you, Zane?”
I simply couldn’t look into her eyes and tell her no. Not that face, not that voice. Not Pixal. I slowly began to back away, my feet stumbling backward to avoid the temptation to run towards her.
Her dress slowly began melting around her, sinking into the inky black below, her body slowly being consumed. One large ribbon curled around her body, quickening her breath as it traveled upwards.
“Zane, please-” Her voice was cut off as it enters her mouth, my stomach turning as her eyes close in pain, the sound of her choking coming back again to haunt me.
And then I broke.
Her head fell lifeless to the side, as her eyes reopened now glowing red. My body couldn’t stand to see her dead. Not again. Not like that. My arm reached forward for her, but the bands of darkness curled around me, restraining me as tears poured from my eyes.
The darkness pulled down on her body, her jaw unhinging, her body left mangled and distorted as the darkness absorbed her.
My body tensed, fighting the restraint beginning to consume me as I realized, I failed.
I’m not strong enough to save her.
I’m not strong enough to abandon her.
I’m not strong enough to forget her.
I’m not strong enough to remember her.
I’m just not strong enough for her.
#ninjago#ninjago-angst-week#fanfiction#pixane#zane julien#pixal borg#If I Were Here#Writing#ninjago angst week
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