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mitchsmarners · 4 years

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i took too many hits off this memory (i need to come down)

pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier [reddie] rating: teen audiences and up chapter warnings: mentions of past drug abuse, mentions of past child abuse in terms of s*nia kaspbrak, mentions of minor character death/near death word count: 3,515 chapter count: 4 of ? summary: Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t remember much from his childhood. He doesn’t really know he doesn’t remember. He also doesn’t know why he’s so drawn this terrible comedian on tv, but when Eddie runs into him in a bar, and they spend the night together, Eddie’s life is changed forever. It’s finally back on track- and he doesn’t know anything about it

read on ao3. moodboard by @isaacslaheys

perma taglist: @jwilliambyers, @stebbins, @isaacslaheys, @s-s-georgie, @transrich@eddiefuckinkaspbrak, @edstozler, @emgays, @anellope, @thorn-harvester-ven, @wheezyeds, @vipertooth, @tozierking, @billdenbrough, @starrystoziers, @trashmouthtozierr, @willelbyers @loserslibrary (let me know if you want added!)

June 5 2009

Richie wasn’t sure how to tell his manager that he didn’t want to do stand up anymore. That maybe he’d never really wanted to do stand up. He liked making people laugh, and he vaguely remembered wanting to be a vanquilist when he was a kid but he’d never been able to stop his mouth from moving with the words. It was fitting that now, Richie’s job was almost just exclusively moving his mouth. Richie had gotten terrifyingly good at walking on stage, flicking off his brain and transforming into Trashmouth™. That had long since stopped bothering him, but as his career took off, Richie found himself having to be Trashmouth™ more and more and Richie less and less. He was suddenly surrounded by people who only really saw him as the foul mouthed, sex crazed misogynist his ghost writers had him portrayed as on stage. They’d promised him that kind of shit sold, and they’d been right, but suddenly all his friends actually thought and spoke like Trashmouth™ and it made him queasy. He could only handle sitting through so many homophobic and sexist conversations before he felt Richie would melt right out of him and Trashmouth™ would be all that was left of him. He couldn’t let that happen… he just didn’t know how to tell anybody.

He was doing a string of shows in Georgia, because Richie’s shows always sold better the further south he went. Richie hated the South, and not just because of his whole bisexuality thing, but because the weather sucked, the accents annoyed him and Richie Tozier did not belong anywhere where the potential of rodeo or circus existed. (Richie Tozier didn’t know anything about the Southern United States).

Richie had been born in Maine, one of the coldest states in this god forsaken country, and in 1992 his family had moved up north of the border. Richie had come back to the United States after university, because everybody told him that he would be better off getting a job in show business in America rather than Canada. He hadn’t been totally sure that was true, but he’d gotten successful pretty quickly after moving back down here so he wasn’t about to argue it.

“I don’t know what you’re upset about.” Audra Phillips, one of Richie’s few true friends, was saying to him while packing up Richie’s hotel room. He was so ready to leave the Devil behind, and get started on his break. He was fully debating on going to Canada to see his parents, it had been too long and every phone conversation with his mom felt like a guilty knife to the chest, but Richie had things he needed to take care of.

“You’ve been doing this for years, Rich.” Audra carried on, scowling at one Richie’s ratty overshirts before tossing it directly into the hotel bedside garbage. “You’re good at it, you’re making great money, you get to stay in the nicest hotels and see the country. What else could you possibly want? You’re doing things most people dream of.”

Richie huffed out an aggravated breath. “You’re telling me you never think of leaving all this behind? Not even when paparazzi follow you around the grocery store or TMZ leaks half truths that destroy your relationships.”

Audra crossed her arms over her chest. “First of all, no, I don’t. I’m living my dreams, Richie, that’s more than most people can say! And when was the last time Paparazzi followed you anywhere? Never? What’s really bugging you out, Richie?”

“I don’t know,” Richie said, only half-lying. “It’s like… sure, I’m doing great financially, and it’s nice that people want to see my shows but it’s not like they actually like me. The person they’re coming to see is basically the anti Richie. If I come out, I will lose all my fans because they’re a bunch of homophobic asstwats because that’s the audience I have to cater to.”

“Are you thinking of coming out?” Audra asked.

“Not like… tomorrow, but someday, yeah.” Richie said quietly. “I’m not going to live my life in the closet. It’s not like it’s the 1980s anymore. Honestly, if it wasn’t for my shows and how coming out would basically make all my content unuseable, I probably would have come out already. Or at least not been so hard on sneaking around.”

Audra dropped down on the hotel bed and smiled sadly up at him. “You shouldn’t have to live a lie forever, Richie, but you’ve got to be reasonable about this, too. You can’t just up and quit, you know that. You’re on a contract, Steve will not hesitate to sue the fuck out of you if you try to skimp out-”

“My contract ends with this tour,” Richie said. “That’s why I’ve been thinking about it so much, they’re trying to get me to sign on for another three years and I just… I’m 30, Auds. I don’t want to spend another three years of my life touring around to states to hate, telling jokes I don’t relate to and letting people think I can for things that I don’t. I hate that people can use my acts to justify their bullshit, you know? Three more years of that would literally make me want to kill myself.”

Audra froze for a moment, then shook her head. “If you’re having thoughts again then we can-”

“No.” Richie snapped. “It’s not like that, and before you ask- no, I’m not using anymore. I’m not going down any sort of self destructive path. I’m just… tired. I’m 30, and I’m in the closet and I’m tired.”

Audra nodded slowly. “Okay, then here’s what you’ve got to do, then. Go to talk to somebody at your bank today before you head out, just see what you’re looking at financially. Figure out how long you can bank on your ass without working while you figure out what you want to do. Then go home and see your momma, because she probably misses you, and tell Steve that you will give them an answer to resigning when you get back.”

“And what if I don’t want to come back?” Richie asked quietly.

“Then you don’t have to.” Audra said simply. “But Steve the bullshit excuse anyway. It’ll get you across the border way easier then if you tell him that you tell him to go fuck himself and that his biggest profit client is leaving him.”

There was only one branch of Richie’s bank in Atlanta, and Richie took a moment to appreciate Steve’s power as he was ushered through the bank and immediately back to meet with one of their accountants. The man on the other side of the desk wore a simple grey suit with the jacket draped over the back of his chair. His white button up shirt was rolled up to his elbows, and his hair was in tight, proper brown curls around his head. He was, in short, somebody who usually made Richie’s mouth water just at the sight but for some reason, he wasn’t attracted to the man despite how his energy put Richie immediately at ease.

STANLEY URIS, according to the sign on his desk, gave Richie a polite smile. “So, Mr. Tozier, what can we help you with today?”

Richie let out a long, slow sigh. “I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m here because I wanna quit my job, but my best friend told me that I should make sure that isn’t the world’s worst idea ever.”

Stanley Uris chuckled, and clicked on a few things on his computer. “I’m not usually prone to telling people to quit their jobs, but based on your accounts here, you’d be able to make due for at least a year if not more on your savings only. Permitting you don’t go around making any outrageous and sentrous purchases. Basic costs of living wouldn’t be a concern for a while.”

Richie had already known that, mostly. He’d only agreed to come here to soothe Audra’s nerves. Money hadn’t been a concern of Richie’s in many years, but it was nice to know he’d be okay for a while while he figured out what it was he wanted from life. What he could do.

Stanley turned in his chair and met Richie’s gaze with a wiry look. “I’m not prone to getting involved with my consults personal lives, but I have to ask Mr Tozier- why are you thinking of quitting your job? I won’t pretend your particular brand of comedy is up my alley, but you seem to have made a name for yourself in the business. Is it wise of you to walk away now?”

Richie blinked. “I don’t know anything about what’s wise or what isn’t, I never have. But I do know that this name I’ve made for myself, like you said, isn’t the name I want to carry forever. It isn’t me, and I guess I want the world to see me for who I am now.”

“Well.” Stanley’s lips twitched up in a hint of smile. “As you inquired, you’d certainly be able to make due for a quite a while figuring out what it is you want your name to be, Mr. Tozier. And a piece of advice, if I may?” Richie nodded. “There’s nothing wrong with trying to find yourself, Richie. I went through most of my life mocked for who I was, or who I hung around, or what my religious beliefs were. And it stung for a long time, but I’m glad that I stuck it out. I’m a loser and I always fucking will be. It’s often not worth it to put on a mask and pretend all the time. Be who you want to be, be proud.”

Richie definitely was not tearing up in the middle of a bank office. This strange accountant had somehow struck something deep within Richie that not even his trained therapist or NA sponsors had ever been able to reach. Almost like he knew… but that wasn’t possible.

“Yeah.” Richie said through a voice crack. “Thanks, Stan the Man. I’ll do that.”

Richie made a quick exit from the bank, truly worried for a moment that he might begin to cry in the middle of this poor man’s office. He made a rushed phone call to Steve, just Audra had advised, telling him that he needed some time to clear his head and he was going back to Canada for the short while between legs of his stand up tour. That he’d have an answer for Steve regarding his contract when he got back. Steve hadn’t been thrilled with the whole thing, but Richie supposed he was thankful that it wasn’t a straight up no. Previous attempts at negotiation hadn’t looked good, and Richie knew that.

As Richie was getting onto the plane, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out, ready to turn the device off as he boarded and he frowned at the notification. Steve had said he was going to give Richie the space he’d requested and he usually waited a couple days before he broke those promises.

Hey Richie. I know you said you needed time but SNL is interested in signing you as a full time cast member when your tour is over. Call me when you land. -Steve.

“Aren’t you worried about the cold?” Eddie Kaspbrak asked, legs draped over Richie’s in the front steps of the Tozier house. It was nearly completely packed up, the family only waiting for the school year to finish out before they took off. They wouldn’t even be staying for the summer. Eddie wished he’d known that last summer was truly going to be their last summer.

“Why would I be worried about the cold?” Richie replied with a snort. “We live in Maine, Eddie boy! I’m used to the cold by now.”

Eddie wrinkled his nose and smacked Richie in the shoulder. “In the winter, sure! But Canada- That’s winter all year ‘round, isn’t it? Won’t you miss swimming and shorts? How are people supposed to know that you have terrible fashion sense if you have to dress in parkas all year long?”

Richie laughed, and it made Eddie’s heart flutter in his chest. “Canada has four seasons just like every other country, Eds! My momma says that their summers can even get pretty hot. It’s not a land of make belief, or anything. Why are you hating on it so bad?”

“I’m not hating on anything.” But Eddie thought maybe he did hate Canada, a little bit. He hated that Richie was moving to Canada, a whole other country. It was hard enough when Beverly moved to Portland and Ben moved to another state. Another country might as well be an entire other world. Mike believed that the further people got away from Derry, the more they forgot and Eddie was having a particularly hard time thinking about Richie forgetting him while possibly living in a snowbank.

“Stop.” Richie suddenly groaned. He reached out and shook Eddie’s shoulders. “Stop thinking so damn hard, you’re making my head hurt. I don’t wanna think about it, and I don’t want you thinking about it! We can’t stop it, so can we please just spend the next month having fun and being us and NOT thinking about it?”

Eddie sighed and in a moment of weakness, dropped his head down to rest on Richie’s shoulders. He knew they were out in the open, that anybody could walk past and just… see them like this. It wasn’t safe, but for the moment, Eddie didn’t care. Derry was already hell, and nothing could make it worse than Richie leaving.

“I’m not trying to dwell on it.” Eddie said quietly, curling up into Richie’s side fully. “I’m not, it’s just…”

“Nah, yeah, I get it.” Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulder and jostled him slightly. “But there’s no sense stressing about the things we can’t control, you know? Life in the moment, Eddie my love!”

Eddie exhaled hard. “Richie… I need to tell you something.”

August 10 2009

Eddie Kaspbrak hated airports. There was something about the energy in the place that just made Eddie feel wild and horrible. He always drove himself, always. No matter how many times people told him that flying was safer than driving, that it was stupid to drive across country when flying could get him somewhere within a day. Eddie Kaspbrak hadn’t flown since 1999 on a forced family vacation with his mother and aunts. Until today.

Eddie would much rather be making the drive to Derry rather than getting on a plane at JFK but his aunt Darlene had insisted that Eddie fly out to Bangor, that six hours was much too long. His mother might not last that long, and Eddie would so regret it if he wasn’t there with her when she passed. Eddie wasn’t sure if that was true, but he’d bought the last minute plane ticket anyway. He wasn’t too sure what a difference five hours would make, but it was never worth it arguing with his mother or his aunts.

From what Aunt Darlene had told him, Sonia Kaspbrak was as good as gone already. A stroke, late last night. The doctors weren’t hopeful for any recovery, or even for the woman to regain consciousness. It left a sick feeling in Eddie’s stomach, thinking of his mother in a hospital bed, as good as gone and being kept alive by machines. It made him feel even sicker to know that it was exactly how she’d want to go, holding onto life and sucking up resources and doctor’s time right up until the very end. Eddie had kept his mother at a distance as much as possible since leaving home for college, and in the last two years he hadn’t spoken to her at all. He’d felt no desire to. She’d made his life hard, so much harder than it had ever needed to be. He was certain that if it hadn’t been for her, he would have come out long before he did. Myra would never have happened. To this day, at 30 years old, Eddie was still trying to figure out what things are true and what are lies from her influence. He wasn’t sure he ever wasn’t going to fuck up from her, and maybe she didn’t deserve him by her bedside at all. Kay had told him that she didn’t, that Eddie shouldn’t put himself through it. He didn’t owe her a goddamn thing, and Eddie knew she was right.

Eddie Kaspbrak hated airports, he hated flying, he hated goddamn Maine and he fucking hated his mother. His plane was going to start to board any minute and Eddie was still sitting in the waiting area with his emergency overnight bag tightly in his grip. He was rapidly running out of time to make good on this plane ticket that he’d bought on his messley cab driver salary.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” A familiar voice carried over to Eddie through the waiting room. “Is that Eddie fucking Kaspbrak?”

Eddie turned in his seat, and grinned when he noticed none other than Richie Tozier walking towards him. His clothes were rumbled and he had a five o’clock shadow around his jaw that made Eddie’s stomach tighten. It was almost weird how little Richie Tozier crossed his mind, despite how intense his reaction was every time he saw him or even thought about him for too long.

“Richie Tozier,” Eddie said slowly, face breaking into a grin. He stood and walked over to Richie, with his overnight slung over his shoulder. “Back in the world of the living I see. I think your fans were starting to think you died somewhere.”

“Awe, Eds. You been keeping tabs on lil ol’ me?” Richie chuckled, reaching out to pinch at Eddie’s cheeks. “No need to worry, Eddie boy. I was merely taking some me time in the great white North. My parents live in Canada, I went to visit them and clear my head.”

Eddie’s chest twinged. “Well, welcome back to civilization then, I guess.”

“You’ve always been Canadianphobic huh, Eds?” Richie laughed but Eddie frowned deeply.

“What do you mean always?”

Eddie and Richie looked at each other for a long moment, before Richie shook his head. “I don’t know, you just strike me as the type, I guess. What are you doing here? You don’t really strike me as the flying type.”

Eddie shuddered. “God, I’m not.” He said honestly. “But my mom is dying or some shit, and my aunt is pitching some drama fit about how a six hour car drive is too long so I have to take the plane.”

Richie froze for a moment, mouth half open and eyes wide. Eddie braced himself for the evitable awkward apologies and sympathies that always came with the whole dead parent card.

“That sucks man.” Richie said finally, with a shrug. “You going back to Derry all by yourself?”

Eddie had given up on trying to figure out how Richie just seemed to know things about him. It wasn’t even that weird anymore. “Yeah.” He answered with a sigh. “If I get my shit together and actually catch my plane. I’m cutting it pretty close.”

“Well…” Richie gave Eddie a soft smile. “If you didn’t want to take the trip alone, I’m not doing anything interesting. I’m supposed to be settling into my new apartment but that’s boring and I think it would be way more to go back to Derry with you and wreak havoc on your aunts.”

“You’re moving to New York?” Eddie asked with wide eyes. He tried not to think about how a big reason he and Richie had never really been together was the constant distance and Richie’s travelling. He wasn’t sure Richie had even had a home before.

“Yeah.” Richie suddenly seemed embarrassed. “I was trying to get out of the whole stand up game, and my manager got me a steady gig on Saturday Night Live.”

“SNL?” Eddie gasped. “Richie! That’s huge! Congratulations!”

Richie’s cheeks reddened. “Thanks, man. But I’m serious about the offer. It’s no skin off my back at all. We can go see if they have tickets left, how many people could possibly be going to fucking Maine?”

Eddie should say no. It couldn’t bring Richie home with him, to his crazy aunts and his dead mother. To Derry at all. Eddie barely remembered Derry, outside of spending almost all his time locked up in his bedroom. But he remembered enough to know that it was a horrible place, almost like it was permanently stuck in the 1950s and there was something… evil about that place. Just thinking of it made Eddie’s palms sweat and knees shake. But on the other hand…

“It wouldn’t be good for our friendship for me to reject you twice at this stupid airport.” Eddie said, forcing his voice to be light. “Let’s go.”

#reddie #reddie fic #my writing #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #memories

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orionsangel86 · 4 years

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You know when I first joined Twitter I had many reservations. I had always heard that Twitter fandom was pretty toxic and for that reason I tried to avoid it as long as possible. Eventually with Tumblr slowly dying I just went for it. I was... pretty damn naive when I joined up.

I have always said, over and over again, that my main reason for even being in fandom was to meet new people and make new friendships that would outlast Supernatural. At this point in time I feel I have accomplished this, though I am always open to making new friends. I like to think, that this being my primary reason for being here, it makes me a genuine person. I am not altogether that interested in popularity, getting the most followers, making my opinion the one everyone MUST believe in, and I never had much interest in “fighting” antis first hand. Sure I liked writing meta and would defend myself if I was attacked, but seeking out drama and forcing my opinion on others were never things that I cared about.

Twitter changed me. I said I was naive, and I was particularly naive to people seeking me out, being super nice to me, inviting me into lots of various fandom GCs and welcoming me with open arms. When people do that, you feel loved, you feel like you are a part of something, and very quickly it can become addictive. You very easily start feeling like those people are your friends, and you get protective of them. You support them, stand up for them, and turn a blind eye when their behaviour gives you pause.

The other thing you should know about me is that I am an empath. Sometimes this is a strength, and sometimes it is a weakness. I hate the idea of upsetting people, and I feel strongly towards those who are upset. I always try to see different points of view in a situation, and I am very consciencous of offending people - When I have offended others, I tend to dwell on it for a long time afterwards, wanting to make things right. But I also think that being empathic can make me prone to manipulation. Especially of the emotional kind. When that happens I can get defensive myself, when I suspect emotional manipulation I shut down very quickly, and I can get spiteful towards it. It’s a defense mechanism. I often regret my actions later. I feel like Twitter fandom has brought out some of my nastier qualities, but I feel that I need to explain where I think this has come from.

I was invited into a GC that in hindsight, was a bad place. It was supposedly a place created to vent about things that upset us, and to keep an eye on that “other” side of fandom - the bronlys. It was a secret place, you must never talk about this GC, I was told. This GC didn’t exist. I’m going to talk about this GC, and in doing so will probably get attacked, subtweeted, called out directly, called a liar, exposed for being this that and whatever, probably have my private DMs shared, and yeah... a whole bunch of shit probably. I’m altogether not prepared for any of that, but since I have that whole bunch blocked now, I’m hoping any shit they say about me will blow over. Anyone who truly knows me, knows I am not the person they make me out to be anyway.

When I first joined that GC the point was to call out hate towards the cast and the writers. To find tagged tweets and bullying and harassment and make sure that the wider fandom knew exactly who the problem people were. I believed in that process. I believed that we were doing good for the fandom in making newer fans aware of who needed to be avoided, as I had heard stories first hand of people who had come into fandom reached out to bigger fandom accounts and immediately been shut down and bullied just for saying they liked Castiel or shipped Dean and Cas. I was angry at those hateful people and wanted some kind of justice for them, so yeah, I joined in happily with the call outs.

But over the past year, things have changed. First, it was not just calling out bronlies, it was calling out extreme stans, who also tagged the writers in their hate. Sure, I wasn’t happy that anyone was tagging the writers in hate, so fuck those people. They can go to hell. I’ll support the calling out of those names too. Then, when people started turning on meta writers like me and taking the piss out of our meta, calling it bullshit and mocking us, it was hurtful, so when that GC rallied together to support me and my fellow meta writers and call out those assholes I was all for it. They were screencapping my meta and calling me deluded after all, why shouldn’t I defend myself and get my friends to help? People in fandom can be dicks when they want to be. But then again, so can we all.

Then it got weird. I think people in fandom started getting nervous about the final season announcement and how the show would end. Cas stans started getting extremely negative about his chances for survival. Destiel shippers started complaining about Destiel being queerbaiting and planning on going after the writers if it didn’t go canon. These were people who I was mutuals with, whose accounts I followed, and whose opinions, whilst they were kind of upsetting for me as a positive fan, were untagged personal opinions and not hate. Those people weren’t attacking positive fans, though sometimes discussions got heated, arguably it got heated on both sides. When the GC started going after those people I started feeling uncomfortable. But I kept quiet. This, I have come to realise, was a huge mistake.

Suddenly other fans were fighting against the GC people. They (we) were called “the fandom police” and “the bully squad” by so many others. I started noticing how other fans, fellow Destiel shippers, were blocking me and avoiding me for my associations with this group. I watched as the GC people started slagging off accounts that were my long time mutuals, my close friends, people I had met in real life and knew to be good people all because they had voiced a slightly negative opinion about the show. If you are relatively well known in Supernatural fandom, chances are this GC has slagged you off.

At the same time, I had watched how some of my friends within the GC “clique” had started changing, how their behaviour online was becoming aggressive and mean. How they were antagonistic and bullyish. My friends. People who I knew were good people before. The dog piling, the condescending tones, the entitled sense of righteousness, it all added up. I started trying to voice my concerns, both to people I was close to within the GC privately, and timidly within the GC itself - for which I was shut down. I started reconsidering my own behaviour online. Had I too acted like this? Had I also aggressively gone after people for simply voicing a negative opinion? Had I also shown myself to be exactly what this GC was supposed to be fighting against?

Some of the others privately admitted to feeling the same way. Some of us backed off and stopped associating with the main GC accounts. We kept our distance from them, some I know muted them. But none of us left the GC. I wish I had back then rather than letting it escalate further.

It had once again got worse from just going after people with negative opinions, now they were going after anyone who disagreed with their specific opinions. Either you agree with us, or you are an idiot. I couldn’t stomach it anymore. My friend, who was also in the GC, decided to query this new line of thinking because she disagreed with the “big opinion”. This is what kicked off all the drama. I’m not going to go into detail about it because otherwise it’ll get too obvious and personal and I want to keep this vague because whilst these people have hurt me and spread lies about me I actually don’t intend to call them out personally or reveal whose who in the group.

Just know this. By the time I eventually spoke up it was apparantly too late. My admittence of my discomfort was seen as a betrayal. There were private DMs in which I got defensive and snapped back whilst emotional about basically losing all my closest Twitter friends, and some messages I sent which I am not proud of. If they get out, fair enough. Judge me all you like. Just understand that I was extremely upset and confused how no one else apparantly saw the issues I was seeing; that this GC was indeed bullying and policing fandom, and that these people were intimidating, threatening, and manipulating everyone into believing they were victims.

I tried to let it drop, I tried to ignore it. I wanted to keep quiet. But my quitting the GC, my request to those who were calmer and less inclined towards bad behaviour to at least keep the ones who were bullying fandom in line, didn’t stop them. Their behaviour has only escalated further and Twitter fandom right now is an awful place because of it. The bronlys must be laughing at us, because Destiel fandom has turned cannabalistic.

I spoke out recently. I tried to keep it vague in a tweet about the recent drama in general. But one thing I said gets pulled out separately and suddenly I’m the big bad wolf invalidating people and I’m a horrible person who is clearly fetishising destiel as I want them to fuck on the map table apparantly?!?! I mean, this is what these people do. They take something and blow it up. They twist your words, they basically throw a dictionary of large complex words at you claiming you are x,y,and z. they use terms like gaslighting and strawmanning aimed at you and in the confusion it takes you forever to actually realise that they are doing those things themselves. Constantly. To everyone.

Look I took it too far. I subtweeted too. I exhibited those bad behaviours as well. Hell, I learned from the best after all. I was in that GC for a year. Of course I am still trying to unlearn those behaviours. I am not proud of my behaviour on Twitter. After this post, I will try to do be better. Everyday. I will be better. I apologise to anyone I may have hurt by supporting and encouraging that behaviour.

I have had mutual friends tell me privately that I need to stop. What upsets me, is that those mutuals aren’t exactly telling the others to stop too. No. Those were the mutuals who stayed quiet whilst those particular people just constantly attacked and bullied everyone. So I’m sorry, but this is me not stopping, this is me making one last post on the topic. This is me telling my story as I see it. This is me pouring my heart out and getting it off my chest. This is my truth. I’m not spinning lies here, I’m not trying to twist anything, because I think I also come across quite badly. But the recent accusations against me, claiming I don’t care for anyone else in fandom, that my calling out “so called bullying” is just my personal vendetta against people who used to be my friends. Well, yes. Technically you’d be right there, they did used to be my friends, but no. Where you are wrong, is saying I don’t care. Because if I didn’t care about the bullying that I am STILL seeing on my timeline via upset mutuals reacting to the hurtful tweets of those I have blocked, I would just ignore it and not cause myself further drama. If I didn’t 100% believe those people were bullies, they’d still be my friends. I wouldn’t have called them out. Why would I put myself through all this if I didn’t 100% believe what I’ve been saying? That’s just madness.

Because here’s the thing, I HATE bullies. I have been bullied my whole fucking life, and what I hate MORE than that, was that through that GC I also became something that I hated. Because by associating with them for that year, I might as well have called myself a bully too. And that I just can’t forgive.

So my reason for writing this post is twofold.

1. Yes, it’s to defend the lies spread against me. So that those wondering if I am actually a fake bitch with a vendetta against certain people can make up their own minds. Perhaps this post exasperates that, or in your minds confirms their accusations about me. Maybe it does. I would argue that I am not fake. This isn’t fake. This is my personal truth and a very personal account of things that have greatly hurt me and caused me much internal conflict over the past few months. Those people who I am accusing (whose names I have left out to stupidly protect their privacy because believe it or not I’m not a bitch who encourages harassment against anyone even people I consider bullies) will never admit that their behaviour is wrong. They will continue to attempt to convince anyone who asks that I turned on them for no reason, or because I blindly follow my friend who they are also attacking and exposing right now for getting emotional and taking a DM convo too far. If you choose to believe them that is your right, clearly you and I were never close enough for you to trust my word over the words of people whose behaviour is clearly and proudly splashed all over their own social media accounts. Frankly, if you see all that, and still believe that behaviour is okay, you are no friend of mine.

2. It’s because I want people to know that actually, through all the pain and drama and emotion and loss of friendship, and conflict and struggle with my mental health, I do care. I care too damn much. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have spent an hour of my Sunday writing this out. Because this has been toiling and whirling inside me painfully for months and I am fed up of it. I had to write it down. I had to get it out of me. I want these people out of my life for good, but I can’t sit by and let bullies continue to manipulate my fandom, my mutuals, my friends who I see encouraged by their behaviour to imitate it. They are unfortunately very good at encouraging others to also partake in their behaviour. Please do not fall for it. Please consider your tone when tweeting or replying to someone with an opposing opinion. Please don’t feed bad behaviour by liking it and tweeting it just because you agree with the specific opinion buried within the condescension. Please don’t throw around strong accusations like homophobia against your fellow queer fans just because they have different desires from this dumb show that we all love.

If you can all do that for me, then I will promise to do it for you too.

I am terrified to post this post. I know that in doing so I am burning quite a few bridges. I know that those I accuse will do everything in their power to make out that I am insane, that I am a psycho. I know that I am exposing myself to more attacks, more harassment. I am sure there will be plenty of twitter threads dragging my name through the mud. They’ll dismiss all of this, call it bullshit, once again claim its just my personal vendetta against certain people. I guess I’m hoping that by anticipating all this and writing it down, it might give those people pause to just stop and leave me be. Stop the cycle of bad behaviour that has caused all this escalation and go back to enjoying the show without policing everyone else.

At this point I just want everyone to know the truth. Whether you believe it or not is your prerogative. This show ends in a few months time and I just want to enjoy it without seeing bullying in my timeline. That’s what this has always been about.

We must stand up to bullying. We must not let it ruin the final few months of this show. This post is my final word on the topic. I won’t respond to anything else. I won’t respond to any threats, any subtweets against me going forward. Hateful anons will be blocked. I won’t respond to anyone asking me for more info and I have no intention of naming people personally or giving more clues as to the GC or the people who were in it. So please don’t ask. Just keep an eye out for bad behaviour in fandom and if you see it, block or mute the source, only call it out if you know you have the mental capabilities to tackle the gaslighting. But absolutely do not support it. Do not feed the bullies as attention is what they want most of all, that and making their words the only words fandom follows.

I am done with this now. I won’t discuss this more.

#personal #fandom wank

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morrisondauthor · 5 years

Text

“Behind the Platform”

I remember a time when I enjoyed doing a photoshoot with Jamal. We’d smile and have fun while the photographer snapped shots of us and the mood would be so genuine. After the photoshoot, we’d go back home and have sex like two wild animals. Hell, there were times where we couldn’t even make it home and we’d have to get it on in the back of his Chevrolet Tahoe. I truly missed those moments. Now, five years into our relationship, I constantly found myself wondering if being with him was still worth it.

“Turn your head toward me,” the photographer directed as he got in position to take another shot.

I turned my head towards him while facing the wall and he snapped a few shots of me. When I looked up and saw the way Jamal was watching me from across the room, a shiver ran up my spine. I could tell he was still angry because of the argument we had the night before. He hadn’t said a word to me that morning but every time he stared at me; I could feel his anger. When the time came for him to join me, he finally spoke to me.

“I wanna do a separate shoot, Corey,” he told me as he took his shirt off. “I’m not really in the mood to do that lame ass couple shit.”

“Lame ass couple shit?” I asked. “You really are on some other shit today. We’re supposed to send in solo pics and pics of us together. They’re not gonna pick us for the ad if we don’t.”

“So?”

“Jamal…”

“Can you go the fuck on already? You’re done.”

“This little pissy attitude of yours is really getting old. I can’t believe you’re this mad because I used the last bit of laundry detergent last night. It is not that damn serious. All you had to do was take your ass down to the store and buy some more.”

Me (Corey McMillan)

“It ain’t even about that.”

“Oh, what the fuck ever, Jamal. I’ve had it with you picking petty shit to argue with me over. And I’m tired of defending your stank ass attitude whenever my friends are visiting.”

“Fuck your bitch ass friends. All they do is talk shit and eat my food and junk up my apartment.”

“Your apartment?!”

“Yes! I pay most of the bills up in that mothafucka! You’ve had it with me, huh? I’ve been had it with your sorry ass! Now get the fuck out my way!” He pushed me out of the way so that he could begin his session with the photographer.

Jamal Grant

Everyone working around the room was staring at me and I was so embarrassed. It was the first time we’d had an argument in front of strangers. The fact that he could talk to me like that in public had me on the verge of crying. It’s one thing to talk to me like that when we were at home, but it’s another to do it while we were at a photoshoot to promote our brand. It was like professionalism meant nothing to him anymore. I was beginning to believe nothing, including me, meant anything to him anymore.

My relationship with Jamal began during our senior year of high school. We’d known each other since ninth grade but it wasn’t until our last year at Braxton-Jacobs High that we noticed each other. Things moved very fast between us and after we graduated, he came out to his parents. They didn’t accept him and threw him out of their home. My parents wouldn’t let him come live with us so I turned down the chance to go to a local university and left with Jamal. He had a cousin living in Los Angeles so we traveled all the way to the other side of the country. While living with his cousin, we began vlogging on YouTube and that was the beginning of it all.

Our YouTube channel, JCGrantENT, grew into a pretty big business venture for us. We got all kinds of endorsements and had millions of subscribers as well as large followings on several social media accounts. The thing I loved about it the most was that we had a platform to promote being black and gay in America. We had a voice and influence in things that mattered and no price could be put on something that valuable. It was so sad that after building such a platform, we’d reduced ourselves to pretending to still be happy. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time we actually were happy.

“Don’t forget the damn detergent,” he snapped at me as I was getting out of his Tahoe at the grocery store. He handed me the debit card in a rude manner without even looking at me.

I snatched the card from him and asked, “Do you want anything else?”

“We’re low on Red Bull and get me some Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its.”

I slammed the door and headed into the store. After putting the laundry detergent, Red Bull and a box of Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its in the shopping cart, I headed over to the restrooms because I had to pee. I left the shopping cart by the water fountain and hurried into the men’s room. When I got in there and saw my fitness trainer Kevonte taking a selfie, I called out, “Hey, Kevonte.”

He looked at me and smiled as he said, “Wassup, Corey.”

Kevonte

“Wow, this is my first time seeing you outside of the gym.”

“Yeah, I know. How are you?”

“I’m good. You?”

“Same. I’m supposed to be picking up a few things but thought I’d come in here and take a pic for the Gram since I’m in a mood.”

I laughed and said, “I feel you.”

“See you around.”

“Alright, later.” After I watched him leave, I went over to a urinal and relieved myself. I then washed my hands and when I headed out of the bathroom, I was surprised to see Kevonte standing by my cart. “I thought you were going to pick up the items you needed?”

“I am but I was hoping we could talk while I did that. I see you already got your stuff.”

“I still gotta get some bananas.” I began pushing the cart and he walked alongside me. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Well, you haven’t been at the gym in a couple of weeks. Everything alright with you?”

“Yeah, everything is fine.”

“Are you and your dude still having problems?”

“Um…not really.”

“That’s good. I don’t see how anybody could be mad at you for a long time anyway.”

I blushed and rolled my eyes as we made it to the produce section. I grabbed two bunches of bananas and put them in the shopping cart before asking him, “Will you be working with anyone else tomorrow?”

“Nope, I’m free tomorrow. You wanna get in a good workout?”

“I sure do.”

“Cool, I’ll think of some good routines to put together for you. I hope you’re ready to put in some work. You know how intense I like to get with it.”

“Oh, I know.”

“You know what?” Jamal asked, popping up out of nowhere.

“Baby, what are you doing in here?” I asked. “I got everything and I’m about to go to the register.”

He put his finger in Kevonte’s face and asked, “Who the fuck is this nigga?”

“Whoa, get your finger out my face, bruh,” Kevonte said as he pushed Jamal’s hand away.

“I know you didn’t just put your hands on me!”

“Jamal, stop!”

“You might be taller than me but I will fuck you up, my nigga.”

“Jamal!”

Kevonte took off his backpack and told me, “You better get your lil’ man, Corey. Because I ain’t the one.”

“I ain’t the one either, nigga! What the fuck is good?”

I put the shopping cart in between them and pushed Jamal back while telling him, “You are making yourself look so fucking stupid! Kevonte is my gym trainer!”

“I heard what y’all were just talking about. He said something about doing routines and getting intense. Corey, if you’re fuckin’ this nigga I swear…”

“My dude, I got a girlfriend,” Kevonte snapped. “I am straight. You really need to chill.” He gave me a look and asked, “Are you gonna be okay?”

“Man, you need to fuckin’ walk away,” Jamal said to him. “Asking my boyfriend if he’s gonna be okay. I’m really about to lay hands on your bitch ass!”

“I’ll be fine,” I told Kevonte. “I’m really sorry about this.”

He gave Jamal a look and Jamal stared back at him until he began to walk away. Once he was gone, Jamal looked at me and said, “Go pay for this shit and then bring your dumb ass outside. Had me out in the car waiting forever on your ass!”

He continued to talk out loud as he walked away from me and everyone near me stared. For the second time that day, I felt so embarrassed. I paid for our items and as I walked back out to his truck, I prayed that he would just drop it and go back to not saying anything to me. I was so afraid of one of us saying something that we couldn’t take back. We were halfway home when he decided to break his silence.

“Did he fuck you?” he asked while keeping his eyes on the road.

“I’m not even answering that,” I replied. “Because you’re not going to believe anything I say anyway.”

“Corey, just be honest with me. Has he ever fucked you or did you give him head or anything?”

“Jamal, he is straight.”

“But you’re attracted to him, right?”

“No!”

“You never mentioned that nigga to me.”

“Because we never talk like that anymore. I try to tell you things and you just tune me out. Jamal, I’m really fed up today. Just leave me alone.”

“You’re fed up? I’m tired of your bullshit, too. I’m tired of your friends always coming over and I’m tired of your bitching! Now, you got some nigga about to fight me up in the damn grocery store!”

“Oh my God! You’re the one who came in trippin’ when I told you he’s just my gym trainer!”

“A gym trainer you never told me about! Is he really even a gym trainer?” He stopped at a red light and waited for me to say something but when I didn’t, he shook his head and said, “You know what, fuck you.”

The moment he said that to me, I realized that he wasn’t the same Jamal Grant that I fell in love with back in high school. That person simply did not exist anymore. The way he said it was so blasé as if he just didn’t care how I would take it. On the rest of the ride home, I didn’t say another word to him. I was so upset that I felt like crying but I kept it all inside. We made it home and I hopped out of his truck and hurried inside our apartment building. I went up to our apartment and into the kitchen and made myself a glass of ice water. When he came in with the grocery bags, something just snapped inside me.

“You need to pack some of your stuff and leave for a day or two,” I told him.

He looked at me and responded, “I pay half the rent in here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re the one with the problem so you should remove yourself from the situation, Jamal. I’m not going to sit here and allow you to talk to me that way. I am an adult just like you are and that means we discuss things in a civil manner. I understand you’re jealous…”

“Jealous?” He smirked and said, “I ain’t jealous of any damn thing. That overgrown ass nigga ain’t shit for me to be jealous over.”

“You pose for pictures and laugh it up with so many other guys yet you can’t stand for me to have a conversation with my gym trainer in a grocery store? You are so wrong. And then you have the audacity to talk to me like some random guy off the streets.”

“Corey…”

“Pack some of your shit right now and go stay with one of your friends. Do you need me to call one of them and ask if it’s okay?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Corey. You might as well get over yourself.” He placed the grocery bags and detergent on the counter before telling me, “Put that stuff up. I gotta go take a piss.”

He left the kitchen and ran upstairs and after I took the few groceries out of the bag and put them away, I went upstairs and into our bathroom. He was at the sink washing his hands so when he looked up into the mirror and saw me standing there, I told him, “I can pack some stuff for you.”

“I already told you I’m not going anywhere. And you’re not either. You’re not getting me out of here so you can bring that punk bitch up in here and you’re not going to go stay with him.”

“See, this is why I don’t tell your insecure ass anything.”

“I’m insecure now?”

“You’ve always been insecure. But I make excuses for your insecurities and I have to stop doing that.”

He laughed a little and asked, “You really are on some shit today, aren’t you?”

“I’m not the one acting like a child today. I’m serious, Jamal. I want you to leave.”

“You say that now and then like thirty minutes later you’re gonna want to do a prank video for YouTube.”

“I guess I’m going to have to prove how serious I am.”

I left the bathroom and went into our bedroom. I pulled one of his luggage bags from his side of our closet and opened it on the floor. When I began snatching some of his clothes down and dropping them into the bag, he pushed me deeper into the closet and shouted, “Don’t touch my fucking clothes! See, there you go playing and shit!”

“I’m not playing with you, Jamal! Get your shit and get the fuck out!”

I stood there and waited for him to pull some of his own clothes down but when he didn’t, I bent down and grabbed a pair of his shoes. He knocked them out of my hand and when I tried to get him out of my way, he punched me. And it wasn’t a light punch or a little smack; he punched me in my mouth with his fist closed as hard as he could. Immediately, the look on his face changed and tears filled his eyes. I was in shock for about a second but the moment I tasted blood; I went crazy on him. I lost count of how many times I hit him back. I kneed him in the balls and when he went down, I ran out of that closet as fast as I could. He was right behind me though and almost caught me as I ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” he said through sobs as he knocked on the door. “Corey, please open the door. I swear to God I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Fuck you, Jamal!” I shouted. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how busted my lip was. I began crying as I screamed, “You motherfucker!”

“Oh my God, baby. I fucked up. I didn’t mean to do that shit. Come out here and hit me as hard as you want to and I promise I won’t do that shit again. Baby, please!”

I reached into my pocket to grab my phone but realized it wasn’t there. I’d left it downstairs on the kitchen counter. As angry as I was with him, I was angrier with myself. I let it get to that point instead of calling one of my friends or his friends to help diffuse our argument or help one of us leave the apartment before it went too far. Still, he crossed a line when he punched me. I just never expected him to ever do something like that to me.

“Corey, please just come out and let me know you’re alright. Don’t go silent on me, baby. I love you so much and you know I would never do some shit like that to you on purpose. I just…I got so mad. It’s all my fault and I promise you I will make it up to you somehow.”

“You can’t.”

“What? What did you say, baby?”

“I said you can’t, Jamal. You can’t make this up to me and you…” I got choked up but continued, “I really need you to go for a walk or a drive right now.”

“I’ll do anything. How long do you want me to go?”

“Go away for two hours. I need like two hours.”

“And you’ll be here when I get back?”

I almost broke down as I lied, “Yeah. I’ll be here, baby.”

“Okay. I’m gonna go downstairs and get some ice for my eye and then I’m gonna go for a drive. I love you, Corey. I love you.”

He waited for me to say it back but after a little while, he gave up and I heard him go downstairs. I listened closely as he moved around in the kitchen and when I heard the front door open and close, I unlocked the door and left the bathroom. I went downstairs and made sure he was gone before I ran back upstairs and packed some clothes and essential items I’d need. I randomly chose a friend in my phone and called to ask if I could stay with her for a little while. She told me I could and I caught a Lyft to her place. That night, I sent a long text to Jamal telling him that we were over and that I’d be back to get my things soon. I then blocked him before he could respond to the text.

“Those boxes are going to storage,” I told the movers as I pointed to the boxes. “Please be careful with them.”

“Yes, sir,” said one of the movers.

“You don’t have to put some of your stuff in storage, Corey,” my friend Nick said to me. “I have enough room for it.”

“Nope. I am only staying with you and Darnell until I can save up enough money to get my own place. That shouldn’t take me long. I’ve already withdrawn my half of the money from me and Jamal’s joint account so it won’t take much added to it to have enough to get my own place.”

“I still can’t believe it’s over between you two. I mean; damn, y’all were together before you even moved out here from back east.”

“I’d been having doubts, Nick. We’d been arguing more and more and when he did what he did…I just didn’t have any option other than this.”

“You’re stronger than me. If Darnell ever hit me, I’d still stay with him with my low self-esteem ass.”

I laughed a little and said, “Darnell would never hit you though. He has too much respect for you to ever do that.”

“Unlike me, huh?” Jamal asked as he entered the apartment.

“You told me you weren’t going to be here, Jamal. I’m calling the police.”

“Baby, wait. I’m not here to hurt you. I just needed to see you in person. It feels like it’s been forever.”

“It’s only been two weeks.”

“That is an eternity when it means being away from you. Please, I really need to say some things to you that I probably won’t get to say after you leave this apartment. Can we have a moment alone?”

“Nope, whatever you have to say will have to be said in front of Nick and these movers walking around in here.”

“Okay, I can do that.” He moved closer to me and looked into my eyes as he began, “Corey, I apologize for putting my hands on you. I honestly don’t know what got into me and I have already signed up for counseling. We can put JCGrantENT on pause while we work through this. I can sleep down here on the sofa. I won’t go to any parties or hang out with my boys and I’ll do anything you need me to do. You are my everything, Corey.”

“Are you done?”

Tears rushed to his eyes as he pleaded, “Baby, please take some time to think about this. You know you’re all I have. You were there when my family threw me out. I don’t have anybody else and you know that. Now, I take full responsibility for everything. I know I have work to do and I am going to do it and I know one day I’ll be the man you fell in love with again.” He waited for me to say something but I just looked at him. As if I’d just punched him in his chest, he began breathing heavily as his tears rolled down his face. He placed his hand on his chest and managed to say, “You’re looking at me like this is the last time we’re going to see each other.”

“That’s because it probably is. I have spent the last two weeks trying to come up with a reason to stay with you and…it shouldn’t be that hard. I love you; I know that much. I miss the way things were between us. But baby, there is a disconnection between us and it happened when we were in your truck that day and you told me, ‘fuck you.’ For those words to even leave your mouth the way they did was enough for me to know you lost whatever amount of respect you had left for me. It was that lack of respect that told you it was okay to punch me in my mouth.”

“But Corey…”

“No.” I tried to fight back my tears but once again, the tears won. They streamed down my face as I stared into his eyes and told him, “I would rather be alone than give you another chance. You’re simply not worth it. And I’m not saying that to break you, I’m saying it because it’s the truth and I’ve always kept it real with you. I left my family to move out here and start this life with you. That was your chance, Jamal! That was the opportunity I gave you! It was the only one I was ever willing to give you.”

“What about our platform? Huh? What about the young black gay men who look up to us? We work for foundations that raise money for all kinds of causes. This relationship is bigger than just us, Corey.”

“We’ve been lying to all of our fans and everyone else for a while now. We pretend to be happy for social media and I can’t even remember the last time I actually laughed with you or did a damn prank video that was real and not staged! It’s time for some honesty.”

“And what about our future? We were supposed to get married and you were gonna change your name to Corey McMillan-Grant and…”

“It’s over, Jamal. It’s really over. I think it’s good that you’re going to talk to a counselor and I wish you well, but I love and respect myself too much to be someone’s mental and physical punching bag. It doesn’t matter that you believe you’ll never do it again. The only way to make sure it never happens again is for me to leave you and that’s what I’m doing.”

I was still very angry with him but I felt his pain so I didn’t want to make it worse for him. I gave him a hug and I kissed his cheek and that was what broke him. I honestly did it to comfort him before I left but he took it another way and he cried harder than I’d ever seen him cry before. He went upstairs to the bedroom we used to share and I could still hear him crying as I made sure all of my belongings had been moved from the living room to the moving truck. I actually felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders as I rode away from the building in Nick’s car.

That night, I posted videos on each account we used to let our followers know that JCGrantENT was over and that I was sorry for not being able to provide a positive example for those who looked to us for guidance, comfort and even a safe place to share their thoughts and stories. I thanked them for their support and I was very careful not to go into detail about what happened because I did not want to hurt any future business opportunities for Jamal. After saying everything I needed to say, I called it a night and climbed into bed in Nick and Darnell’s guest room.

I was just about to drift off to sleep when my phone vibrated. I unlocked it to see it was because I’d gotten a notification from Instagram. One of my closest friends from home had posted a pic of me and Jamal from our senior prom night and had tagged me in it. I laughed a little to myself as I said quietly, “End of an era.”

[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.

#D.A. Morrison #short story #drama #love #YouTube #social media #social media famous #mistakes #arguments #fights #violence #domestic violence #break-up #breakup #walking away #black lgbt #lgbt fiction #fiction #tw

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amicablestone · 4 years

Text

Day 1: Beginnings (Not an Ending)

The Moriya shrine rarely had visitors but Sanae knew she shouldn't eavesdrop, the spot near the entrance just needed extra sweeping today, is all.

“All I’m saying is that the clock is ticking.” The visitor spoke like she was delivering a punchline but nobody was laughing.

Kanako replied in a pointedly even tone “Is that a threat?”

Sanae stole the briefest of glances through the entryway, the newcomer might have been European, or maybe that was just the blond hair, not that Sanae could throw stones. In any case, her voice still had a mirthful edge.

“An observation. I’ll get out of your hair for now, but remember, the position won’t be open forever.”

Sanae tensed, waiting for the stranger to pass by her hiding spot. Nothing happened for a moment and she realized that she never saw this person enter the shrine either. She was debating whether it was safe to move again when Kanako called from inside, “Come on in Sanae, I know you're out there”

She walked into the building with her head down, ready to apologize.

“Save it,” there was warmth in the wind god’s voice, “you should be a part of this conversation”

Sanae looked around the room, Kanako was still siting near the center and Suwako waved cheerily at her from a corner, but her other hand was clenched in a fist. There was no sign of the blond woman.

“That was a representative for a...” Kanako searched for the word, “sanctuary for youkai.”

Sanae wanted to say ‘Youkai aren’t real’ but she reminded herself that she was talking to the two gods that raised her, so she settled on “Does a place like that really exist?”

“Many do, actually. Fear is almost as rare as faith in the modern age. Before the youkais’ power completely disappeared several distinct groups managed to carve out there own realms around isolated villages where conditions where more favorable.” Kanako explained.

“Most don’t have people going door-to-door like they’re selling shoddy knives, though” Suwako interjected.

“This particular realm, Gensokyo,” Kanako continued unabated, “is somewhat unique in that order is maintained both by youkai in the know, like that woman, and a handful of powerful humans.”

Sanae nodded along, though honestly it was a lot to take in, “Is that the ‘position’ she was talking about?”

Kanako shook her head as she stood up, “Apparently some of the more eusocial species are butting heads, best case scenario is the realm is more vulnerable to foreign invaders while they have their spat, worst case: full on civil war. We’re to shore up defenses and try to arbitrate the conflict.”

“Dumb muscle and playing babysitter to a bunch of man-eaters.” translated Suwako.

Sanae paled at the joke but kept her eyes on Kanako, “If they where really cannibals you wouldn't have let that woman just walk away...or whatever she did!”

She sighed with a smile that either said ‘You know me too well’ or ‘You give me too much credit’. “’Cannibal’ isn’t the right word, but you’re right, by all accounts Gensokyo is remarkably safe for a youkai realm, that’s why I’m even considering this, however our congregation would still not be human and we can’t forget that.”

Now Sanae’s head was spinning. “Wait, would that even work? If it could why do the youkai even need humans? Why don’t they just like…sit in a circle and believe in each other?”

That earned a croak of laughter from Suwako, though Sanae thought it was a legitimate question.

Kanako put a hand on the girl’s shoulder to try and steady her. “Belief can only be generated by humans, but the believed in can cultivate it and pass it on themselves, however...”

“A human worshiped as a god by youkai, who knows what would happen to you!” Suwako laughed again, “but you definitely wouldn’t stay human for long!”

Kanako shot the cackling god a dirty look over her shoulder while Sanae found herself completely tongue tied. Who would she be if she wasn't human? Would she still even be herself? But…

“I think we should go”

Suwako stopped laughing and Kanako couldn’t keep the surprised look off her face.

“This is the opportunity we’ve been looking for, and the last thing I want to do is hold you two back, and”, she took a breath, “I’ve always been more god than human anyway.”

Kanako squeezed her shoulder affectionately, “That’s very brave of you but there’s still a lot of things to consider. It’s not a decision to be made lightly”

Suddenly, Suwako slammed open the back door leading to the lake. “I disagree. It’s a terrible idea and we shouldn’t do it.” She walked out into the wilderness. “Decision made.”

By the time Sanae found Suwako, sitting on the far side of the lake skipping stones, the sun had almost started to set.

She wanted to apologize, but wasn’t sure for what.

“You where supposed to say you didn’t want to go, she would have listened to you.” Suwako said dejectedly as her descendant approached. “Though, I guess that’s what I get for pushing you like that. I forget how stubborn you can be sometimes.”

“I’m sorry, but I meant what I said. Also … when that woman said time was running out, she was taking about you wasn’t she?”

“So what if she was?” She tossed another stone. “My time will come when it comes, you shouldn't be worried about it.”

“But I am worried! If you were to throw your life away for my sake I wouldn’t be able to live with myself!”

“Enough!” Suwako hurled a rock overhead and where it landed the lake boiled with unseen bodies. “Have I gotten so weak that I no longer get a say in where I die!”

Sanae took a step back, she could count on one hand the number of times she had seen the lake god this upset.

Suwako sighed and the water calmed. “I’m sorry Sanae, but this isn’t about you. The truth is this isn’t the first time I’ve seen the games this woman is playing.” She shifted on the ground so they were facing each other.

“A long, long time ago a bunch of hoity toity gods decided they were too good for human followers so they went around demanding a tithe from every local god they could find.

“Kanako refused of course, but these gods where tough and she ended up having to flee Suwa. She was able to live on the lamb for a while, until she caught wind that an old thorn in her side,”-Suwako flicked a thumb at herself-”had used her absence to take over her home.

“So she returned to Suwa, deposed the despot, tried to face the gods head on, and lost, hard.” She looked down, “things got really bad after that. When you try to go against the natural order of things people always get hurt, and it’s never the ones who deserve it. I refuse to be the reason Kanako walks into that kind of hell. Not again. If I did, well,” she looked at Sanae darkly with too-large eyes, “I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“That’s quite enough.”

They both jumped at the noise. For someone who had to duck through doorways, Kanako had a knack for sneaking up on people.

“Sanae, be a dear and go see if you can’t dig up some of your old textbooks. If we play our cards right we may be able to win over the humans as well, but to do that you have some homework to do.”

Sanae made her exit with a confused look on her face, unsure of how much of that request was a joke.

Suwako looked up at the taller god, “What happened to your ‘things to consider’?”

“The biggest unknown was why you where so against the idea. Now that I know that scaring our child and throwing a fit was just your idea of protecting me I don’t see why we can’t move forward.”

“You do realize that this ‘youkai civil war’ is trumped up nonsense, right? She wants you around because she’s picking a fight with the amatsukami.”

“I’m not afraid of the heavenly gods.” Kanako sat next to her partner and faced the setting sun. “And this time I won’t be alone.”

Suwako groaned. “Fine, you win. I want to be clear that I still think this is a bad idea, but”-she raised a finger-”I think getting out of the house some will be good for Sanae, and”-she raised another finger-”I know better than to try and stop you when you have a plan. Even if that plan is what, uniting humans and youkai under the banner of AP chemistry?”

“Physics, actually. And that’s only step one, the plan is the same as always:” a reptilian hunger flashed behind her eyes, “Save the world.”

Suwako laughed genuinely and let herself flop onto her back, “And get rich doing it!”

#Touhou #gensokyofestival

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cassandras-nest · 5 years

Text

.Invisible man.

So here we are, the first chapter is here (and i’m terrified..)

disclaimer 1: english isn’t my first language, so i apologize for any mistake

disclaimer 2: this fic uses references to the very first internet service, chatrooms & all, i was 20 back then and there were no smartphones yet.

disclaimer 3: Deakster:John CoolCat:Cassandra

pairing: 00s John Deacon x OC Cassandra

warnings: brief mention of divorce and paranoia. Age-gap (20/50), extremely slow burn, very angst, probably sweet at very end (multichapter)

thanks @binkyisonline for everything, without her i wouldn’t be here, writing silly things

summary: Newly divorced John Deacon joins the Queen forum’s chatroom with a fake account and start talking with someone who completely understand him and make him feel alive again. He finds himself obsessed with her pretty soon....

"Yeah, I think that laughing makes me feel better. I try to think about good things and smile, even if I had a bad day. It’s better than worrying too much." - John Deacon 1979

*CoolCat is online*

……………………..

CoolCat - Hey D., you’re already here :’D

Deakster -…today was quite boring, so yeah…how was school ?

CoolCat - a really big NOPE day…but I’ll tell you in a bit.

Deakster - oh ok…still busy?

Cool Cat - oh no, not so much, I just came back it’s all..

________

This was her new normal from one month and a half, almost since the day she joined the official Queen forum and the chat room as well.

She was in London from less than a year attending the London Fashion College and apart from people from her classes she didn’t know anyone in particular; she wasn’t much an outgoing person anyway, but it was ok. In her perspective, now her studies were more important.

One day, too much free time on her hands leaded to, finally, join the official Queen chatroom. She was already registered onto the forum but she didn't have time to actually talk to people or post something but that day she was bored, more than usual, and while the school was closed for winter holidays, she found herself with nothing more to do..

Now thanks to an impulsive decision, she found so many people to talk to with the same love and passion for a band that changed her life forever.

Luckily she found some new “friends” too. One in particular who she talked to almost every time she was there, between school, her new part time job and a almost non-existent private life.

She didn’t know much about him, he was nice and very well behaved so she assumed he was a bit older than her. She even didn’t know his real name, not that it wasn’t important but it was ok, for now. She only knew that he lived in London, like her, but she never asked where exactly and he didn’t tell her too. It was just a really nice and easy chat to pass the time and probably she will never see his face so... why bother about all this anyway?

________

CoolCat - so?Why a boring day? Tell me..while I finish up my dinner : )

Deakster - I’m no that interesting y’ know?i don't know why you still talk to me anyway

CoolCat - don't start, i talk to you ‘cause i want it to ...so go on then, wanna know..why boring?

Deakster - I was at home all day, cleaning up…listening to old music, I wasn’t much in the mood for tv or reading today.

CoolCat - sounds interesting ;D

Deakster - i told you it was boring, no need to mock me ):

CoolCat - I will never ;D

Deakster - as much as I want to believe you, I don’t. Are you laughing at me right now, aren’t you?

CoolCat - I assure you I’m not, ok maybe a little bit.. picturing you doing all things housewife-y is fun..and cute, maybe.

Deakster - am I cute now? Now you totally making fun of me, you little devil :’(.

CoolCat - oh, you realizing it now? That i am indeed evil? I thought you said that you were smart once… :).

Deakster - that i am, i didn't know i was going to meet a tempting devil on my way ;)

CoolCat - eh, life's full of surprises …

CoolCat - back on topic, do you still want to hear how bad my day was instead? It's funny...in its own way

Deakster - and probably much more interesting, go on tell me then…

CoolCat - alright …..in short, they didn’t like my patterns at all..not even one….

________

He didn’t even know why he was still there.

It was supposed to be a one time only...twice at least, just to ease up his boring life a little.

But now?

At first the idea of joining the official band forum was absurd - its own band, what the hell he was supposed to do or say?

Hence the idea of creating a fake account, he really missed the people, the noise, the attentions that once were given to him. In short, he missed the fame and he was bored out of his mind..

Newly divorced, although he and his ex wife were still on speaking terms, she was one of the few people to know him well after all, but still, life had put him through a lot and his life had changed so much in few years

Now he find himself in up-north London, all alone in a small fancy apartment, and 50 years old already.

He didn’t want anyone to know it was him, he wanted to be free, just be himself and not the worldwide famous rockstar. So the idea he had seemed the best way to do it

- and quite silly- his ex wife commented once with a laugh..

It was basically hiding in plain sight, if people knew better, his nickname gave it away a lot, but in a Queen forum not really, not so much…

________

Deakster - so you have to do them all over again? Like you did last week ?

CoolCat - basically yes, but better and it’s so frustrating…I know it’s for my own good, I know it but..fuck….. uh, sorry, it slipped :/

Deakster - hahahahaha don’t worry about it, I used to be worst than that :D

CoolCat - really? You didn’t say one single bad word since I’ve known you..

Deakster - that’s because I can behave in front of a young lady ;)

CoolCat - LOL omg! you know, you talk like a really old man.

Deakster - I am an old man !

CoolCat - you’re not, you’re funny! ;D

Deakster - I can be funny and old at the same time y’ know?

CoolCat - haha yeah right xD …

Deakster - ..and you’re mocking me again.. :/

CoolCat - am not, I told you you’re funny..thank you btw, you really cheered me up, sorry about the rambling...

Deakster - my pleasure and..don’t worry about it :D

________

She didn’t know why it was so easy talking to him, but it was indeed, even if they had a limited time whenever they chatted, every time it was worthy it. She felt safe with him, from the first moment they spoke, relaxed even and she really didn't know why..

It was the first time that a man didn’t ask her for special pictures or talk to her in a creepy way and, honestly, it was quite a relief.

Each day that passed she, slowly, became the curious one but and didn’t know how to tell him just after two months but she really wanted to know more about him.

She liked their unusual friendship and really didn’t want to ruin it, so maybe it wasn’t the right time anyway..

CoolCat - as nice as it was, now I have to go..i’m so sorry D. : (

Deakster - oh, it’s ok… :’(

CoolCat - oh don’t cry, I’ll see you another day isn’t it? :D

Deakster - yes! This old man could use some nice company, every now and then..

CoolCat - I’m flattered :* ..i’m a nice company after all…

Deakster - less when you, clearly, make fun of me :P

CoolCat - ouch! You hurt me ;) …. Now for real, I have to go or I’ll have to pay way too much for my internet.

Deakster - allright..allright, listen…

He stopped for a second, torn between his rational mind and his instinct...a question in his mind for days.

Deakster - Can I ask you something?

CoolCat - maybe next time D. but if it’s important…i can stay a little more..i think

Deakster - no, not all…next time it is :D

CoolCat - ok, bye :*

……………..

*CoolCat is offline*

It wasn’t an important matter, but he really wanted to ask...he had that question in his mind for two weeks or so already…

It was stupid? Probably.

It was too soon? Absolutely.

But he felt different, he felt at peace, he felt alive again, all thanks to her..and that’s what he needed these days.

Almost everyday he was there waiting to talk even if for few minutes and he didn't know why. Infact, he knew little about her, but he didn’t wanted to seem too pushy even if he wanted to know more every time.

In almost two month they talked about almost everything: he knows she was a Queen fan and it was a “family thing” like she said; her mother was a long time fan so it was natural for her to knew about the band. She didn’t have a favorite one, she was more into their music and, to his delight, she liked almost every song he wrote, making him feel really proud. He knows she was attending the London College of Fashion and he smiled to himself at the silly coincidence.

She was a big time fan of fantasy literature, especially Tolkien.

What he didn’t know was her real name, it wasn’t important per se but the more they talked, the more he wanted to know.

Was it the same for her? ..

Next time, maybe...?

________

What they didn't know was that the following days soon took an unexpected turn…

Her life was already messy, but this week seemed much more chaotic than usual.

At school they had a bunch of unexpected tests, mostly pointless and boring and at work they changed her shifts without asking and now she was on the afternoon one; It wouldn't be a problem if only she could still study too, but every night she came back from work too tired to do anything more than sleep or eat. So every morning she woke up an hour or two before her actual alarm so she could did something, even if it meant to probably fell asleep in class...

Every night was a struggle to sleep. Her mind wandered to all the things waiting for her the next day and to a specific person, the one who had soon become a pleasant habit in her life and on how much she missed their small late talks.

She sighs, hoping to come back online soon.

The truth was that she really missed him..

________

He was a mess.

He logged in more than usual that week, just to check if she was there, ignoring anyone else, but nothing showed up.

Many times a little voice inside his head told him that this was pathetic, caring for a young girl like that, a girl that didn't know who he was, a girl that had a very busy life, full of interests, a girl that, surely, was not thinking about him like he was with her.

But he did, he can't help it.

She was somehow special to him, someone who listened to him for once, that talked to him not because of his fame but because she wanted to, someone that made him laugh. She was nice to him, that's all.

However deep down he knew it was all a lie.

What will happen when she would discover who he really was?

That thought scared him the most, but still, he was still there looking for her.(missing her)

________

A week passed with no news whatsoever.

She was always tired and impossibly busy, sleeping on her day off..

He was stressed with family issues with no one to talk to

He still hoped that she would showed up one day or another.

Meanwhile his paranoia started to tricked him in the worst way ever...

________

opinions?advices?constructive criticism?..please tell me what you think..

and if you like it, comment and..maybe reblog? thank you

taglist: @bluewillowmom @iwanttoridemybri @deakysgurl @deakys-chesthair @deacytits @spacedust1124719 @stormtrprinstilettos @dontstopmemeow @mydeakydoesme @culturefiendtrashqueen @babyzellodeacon @sitonmyhot-seatoflove @myguardianmailman @raven974 @chasingthespiders @bismillahnah @acdeaky @sohoneyspreadyourwings @supersonicfreddie

sorry two tags didn’t worked properly

#My writing #queen fanfiction #john deacon fanfiction #john deacon x oc #invisible man #John Deacon #oc cassandra #2000s internet #2000 #chatrooms #silly writing #fanfic writing #Queen

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cricketrigby · 4 years

Text

* ( kristine froseth ) ⁠— cricket rigby has lived in somewhere for 23 years, which is crazy considering they are only twenty three. you can usually find her working at the somewhere roller rink . when i think of strawberry bubblegum, heart shaped sunglasses, & twirling the stem of a rose between your fingertips, i can’t help but think of them as well. ( pepper, twenty four, she/her, est )

ABOUT THE MUN. sick of thinking! won’t be doing that again

hello all! my name is pepper and i have never been on time for anything ever in my life so it’s pretty fitting that i’m the last one to get my intro up dkjdkj love this for me,,, always on brand. anyways, i am Returning to the rpc kind of maybe after a month hiatus and i wanted something cute and chill to try and get back into the swing of things... i’m hoping this group will be that! but yeah please bear with me i am Definitely going to be a bit rusty,,,, and i am sorry in advance. but Anyways, enough about that and onto some fun facts about me. to start, i just turned twenty four two weeks ago and i am Still in shock about it so jot that down, i hate it here. i have like,,, the opposite of a green thumb, i have killed every plant i have ever had, rip peter the succulent you were a good egg. i regularly say i’m feeling ___ in this chillis tonight despite never being to chillis. i enjoy garbage movies, like the worse it is the better (tyler perry movies, the fast and the furious series, etc). i straight up don’t get like critically acclaimed movies i’m ngl,,, like really like Great movies go straight over my head rip but Anyways moving on to who we’re all here for, ms cricket rigby !

BIO. we need sluttier music…..

cricket juliet rigby was born to arthur godwin rigby and sonya marie rigby nee bankcult right here in good old somewhere florida. the story is that her parents were actually on their way out of town when cricket decided to ‘jump’ out of her mother’s belly and arrive to the party early. her parents always liked to tell the story like it was cute or funny or something but kit always saw it a bit differently. she had her chance to get out and she screwed it up. and now she’s literally never left this hell hole since. it’s like she got impatient and accidentally screwed herself over for it. and if that isn’t foreshadowing for the rest of her life she doesn’t know what is.

it was her mom’s idea to name her cricket. she said it was because of the way she used to kick with both legs in the womb. like she was jumping. her father found her name ridiculous and insisted on calling her juliet, but that was to be expected. her mother was always the fanciful one out of the pair of them. you see, ricki’s father was a pretty successful lawyer and her mother was a children’s book illustrator. to put it simply her father was the type of person to give kids floss on halloween and her mother was the type to slip you a cookie when the ‘adults’ weren’t looking. they were complete opposites, honestly to the point where sometimes cricket didn’t even understand how her parents got together. but somehow against all odds they did, and they stayed together to boot. loved each other too. her mother always made her father loosen up a bit and her father usually kept her mother grounded. they suited each other, and they adored each other in a way cricket never really saw any other parents doing. well, until they didn’t.

if cricket didn’t understand how her parents got together she sure understood why they didn’t stay together. you’d have to be blind as a bat to not see that one coming.

her parents fought constantly as cricket got older. the kind of loud, explosive fights that woke a kid up in the middle of the night and made the neighbors look at you with sympathy. there was no abuse or anything serious like that, or even cheating. her parents simply stopped liking each other. and that was honestly even scarier. that her parents could simply wake up one day and not like each other anymore.

they called it quits when cricket turned thirteen. her mother broke the news to her over a shared joint on the beach. and honestly, it wasn’t really the kind of news you wanted to process while high, but well, nobody ever asked cricket. nobody ever really asked cricket anything.

but well, her mother asked cricket one thing. to break the news to her little sister. cause yeah, she had one of those. kimberly. a regular sensible name for a regular sensible girl. not that there’s anything wrong with being regular or sensible. it’s just that cricket and her mother were neither of those things. if cricket took after her mother, then kimberly took after their father. her baby sister wanted to be an accountant for god’s sake. what six year old wants to be an accountant?

anyways, cricket played messenger. she broke the news to her sister and comforted her in the aftermath. she listened to her mother as she told fanciful, beautiful stories about how much more she wanted from her life. and one sunny thursday afternoon, the very thursday she got her first period, the very thursday that a girl really needs her mom, like really needs her mom, she came home and didn’t have one anymore. or a sister either apparently. all she had was a dad crumpled on the living room floor around a heart shaped sticky note of all things.

who leaves their fucking family with a fucking sticky note?

apparently dad was the only one in the family who didn’t know he and mom were over. cricket would feel bad about it if she wasn’t so busy feeling sorry for herself. because apparently her mother packed up her and kimmy’s things, picked up kimberly from school and just left somewhere forever. leaving cricket behind. just like that. cricket didn’t understand it. just the night before her and her mother were laying back on her bed, laughing. and now she was tossed aside like a discarded toy. second best in a two person race. cricket had never quite dealt with abandonment until that moment, but her first taste of it hurt like a bitch. it hurt all over.

but things only got worse. cause then came stella. stella was cricket’s godmother. her mother’s best friend. the woman who would slip cricket money so she could buy herself a red lipstick at the mac counter or pick herself up that tube top she’d been wanting so badly. the woman who came with cricket and her mother when she got her first bra. the woman who was supposed to be there for her in the aftermath of all this. but apparently stella took the job a bit too seriously.

she fucked her father. and not long after that she married him. cricket fought them every step of the way, but they still did it. and well, she had to live with it. her mother and best friend was gone, and this impostor was taking her place. and her father was just letting it all happen. in fact he was happy to do it. that’s what he kept telling her anyways. to let him be happy. that he deserved to be happy. but didn’t she deserve to be happy too?

her mother sent letters sometimes, and kimmy would occasionally call the house. cricket never opened the letters, and she never really spoke much to kimmy. i mean, it wasn’t kimberly’s fault, and cricket knew that. after all, she was six. she never had a choice either. but cricket couldn’t help being jealous of the little shit. kimberly missed dad so much and she wanted to come home. but she was out of somewhere, and she was with mom. she had everything cricket ever wanted and she wasn’t even appreciating it. it was a hard pill to swallow. eventually cricket started cutting the calls short.

cricket and her father never saw eye to eye. he kicked her out of the house when she was seventeen after an argument between cricket and stella got so bad that things got physical on both their parts. and instead of kicking out the woman who hit his daughter, arthur got rid of the daughter instead. cricket didn’t mind. she simply went to live with her boyfriend at the time (who much like all of cricket’s boyfriends in the past was handsome, cool, and most importantly old enough to have his own place). after that she never really turned back. just... moved from boyfriends place to boyfriends place to girlfriends place to boyfriends place. saw her dad on holidays or when she needed money or under duress. and stayed in somewhere. for now.

PERSONALITY. feeling like the prettiest girl in the crawl space right now

as you can probably tell from that mess of an bio, this is my first time playing cricket so i don’t really have her personality nailed down yet BUT

ECCENTRIC. cricket got her mother’s weird hippy gene for sure honestly. she might even be an artist lowkey because of it. definitely is the type to just say weird as hell shit without shame. your local manic pixie dream girl tbh

PROMISCUOUS. she a hoe and that’s a fact. love that for her though! gets around and is pretty shameless about it honestly. just here for a good time. kind of charming naturally and just generally like?? flirtatious?? the type to flirt with a cop to get out of a ticket. also the type to cry to get out of a really bad dad. the type to go on a date just cause her fridge is empty and yk a girl’s gotta eat. the kind of girl who had a bunch of rumours about her in high school like that she slept with so and so under the bleachers at an assembly or that she once did something nearly impossible on a trampoline.

CONTRADICTORY. cricket is a compassionate person but she can also hold a grudge for a long ass time. still doesn’t really talk to her mom or little sister. but if you need a ride across town cricket will just give it to you even if she barely knows you. if you’re hungry and come to the roller rink she will slip you some fries free of charge even if she’ll probably get in trouble for it. will fight her stepmom ON SIGHT and slam a bitch down during roller derby but like will get so excited over something simple like the moon being out sdkdskj this bitch makes no sense y’all.

MYSTERIOUS. at least to other people i feel like. cricket doesn’t really talk about herself or serious things, and she will change the topic if someone is getting too close. she’s the type who doesn’t open up easy, and therefore the type that a lot of guys like... idealize and build up into this mysterious untouchable thing yk? but she’s just a dumb girl who doesn’t want to talk about her feelings underneath it all sdkjdkj she’s just stupid

HEADCANNONS. at least whatever is wrong with me is really really funny

lost her virginity at fourteen around the anniversary of her mother leaving. unfortunately the type who seeks love and acceptance in all the wrong places. tends to self sabotage when things are too good, or literally just go for people who are bad for her. bi af tho hey~ has been in more relationships than she can count for sure. will duck behind a wall when she sees any of her exes at the grocery store.

does ROLLER DERBY! will fight a bitch in the ring! very good at it despite how cute and angelic she looks sdksdk can and WILL slam a bitch into a wall. it’s just a fun hobby for her, but she loved the camraderie of it honestly. her team is a ragtag group of misfits and i Love them

like i said in the chat, will now put up posters around town with a cute little polaroid of herself and her number on those little tab things just for shits and giggles to see who calls. will completely prank anyone who does call for fun

idk why but i feel like the roller rink is called l8r sk8r or something cheesy like that,,, i feel it in my Soul. also imagine the type of place where cricket goes around on rollerblades serving food, so yeah, you can order food probably and some showy girl on rollerblades will serve it to you

has been a muse before. like guys have written songs about her in high school. one guy painted a portrait of her and it went in a literal gallery. is always very flattered but very like,,, cool thanks bye!

i totally forgot to include this but the rigby’s are rich y’all. like country club rich. her daddy’s got that big money and their house is Huge but you would never be able to tell by the way cricket acts, she’s a mess.

speaking of, her name is indeed cricket (rip) but you can call her kit, kitty, rick, ricki, jiminey,,, all of it is valid

the vibe is madchen amick folks,,, that’s the whole vibe and honestly she’s probably cricket’s style inspo like twin peaks??? maybe her favourite show

a feel like she might also be a lifeguard as a side hustle, but she only ever fills in when no one else can you know. she’s the emergency call in, and when she’s there she spends most of her time sitting in her lifeguard chair in her little red swim suit and flirting with whoever comes by to see her like sdkjsd is she good at her job? no. does she bring traffic to the beach? probably!

WANTED CONNECTIONS. i’m saving my brain for special occasions. if i use it every day it’ll get dirty

i would love an ex for her honestly,,, an ex bf or gf where cricket sabotaged things just when they were getting good? an ex on good terms maybe! an ex will they won’t they thing where they almost got together but never did? an old childhood crush for either party! a childhood enemy is also sexy! an old neighbor! someone who’s sibling she used to date or something! someone new to town that she’s intrigued by! someone new to town she doesn’t get along with (maybe cause of a bad first impression or something?) a one night stand! a fwb! a ewb! a BEST FRIEND GOD PLEASE! m or f i am down either way. i would kill for a girl squad though. maybe an ex best friend who hates cricket cause she slept with their boyfriend in high school or something. a party friend! someone she does roller derby with. someone she always sees in the crowd during roller derby. idk someone who she regularly sees at the motel she has her hookups at, maybe cause they’re also hooking up or maybe cause they just come to the motel often for some reason or honestly maybe they’re a vacationer that would make sense. uh someone she saved from drowning one time! OH someone she pretended to be dating to make an ex jealous or avoid one or something at one point,,,and anything else tbh we can absolutely brain storm! like this and i will slide into your dms <3

#vthqintro #kristine's smile in the gif above... that's it that's the tag #c.r. | bio.

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cloudbattrolls · 4 years

Text

Lagan

Etuuya Vannyn | Present Night | Tulais Leisure Ship

The light from the transportalizer fades, and you stand in Tulais’s ship. A water ship, not the aircraft you’ve heard she has.

Distant shouts and laughter drift to your ears, and you grimace, turning to see multicolored flashing lights through the window in the strangely empty room you’re standing in. Is she planning to show you off like some sort of grotesque trophy? Surely not.

You open the window and lean out, only now realizing how big this vessel is, seeing the lights are at least a hundred feet away, as are the noises. It’s almost like a cruise ship in size, but built in a far more old-fashioned style. A sea breeze blows through your wavy hair as you gaze up at the stars, wondering why you’ve been left unattended.

It’s...nice.

No Rivali. No suspicious, fearful company trolls. No one you have to pretend for.

You whistle softly, hands in the pockets of your shabby jeans. It’s an old tune about a warrior forever searching for adventure on the sea. It makes you think of summersong.

Now there’s some peak foolishness, you note with amusement at yourself. But you can’t help it. Far better to enjoy the company of someone even worse than yourself than a decent troll. You can’t ever hurt Jeluno and you mean nothing to her except as a source of amusement, so what’s the harm?

Well. Plenty, if she really does find a way to make her own drinkers. You wonder why she’s so fixated on it anyway; you didn’t for a moment believe she was incapable of fighting them off herself with the use of her crew and weapons. She’s bragged too many times about the technology she’s stolen.

So there must be some other reason, and it’s unlikely to be good news for anybody.

What’s she going to do, go hunt the caverns for it? You think dismissively. She doesn’t have that much patience, a young thing like her.

Or she could rip one out of some other drinker she found.

Would that really be a loss? Your kind has no value.

“Is it true drinkers will seduce people to feed on them?”

Your quietude is over, apparently, since you turn and see Tulais in the doorway, wearing a skimpy outfit that makes you avert your eyes. She may not be a child, but she’s still young. Younger than summersong, certainly, and therefore too young to be looking at when dressed that way.

“I’m sorry, are you expecting me to answer that? I’ve never seduced anyone in my life, thank you very much. Even monsters have standards, you know. Maybe normal drinkers do it, I don’t exactly hold interviews.”

Normal drinkers aren’t you, but it’s still sickening to want to pail one’s food sources. The fact that there’s a not inconsiderable portion of trolls into that is one of the great mysteries of Alternia.

She laughs, and you definitely smell alcohol on her. This is going to be terrible, isn’t it.

“Normal drinkers.” she says, scoffing. “Do you even know what that means, Vannyn?”

“Is there a reason I’m here, miss Tulais? Can I know it now, please? I’m sure you’d love to get back to your little get-together. Also, and not to sound like your lusus, please put something else on.”

She sniffs in a mildly offended way. “You really are old, huh?”

“I rent myself out to museums. It’s a great earner.”

She laughs again. You wouldn’t mind the inebriated levity if this weren’t also your boss. As it is, you’d rather be anywhere but here.

There’s a shuffle of clothing and when you dare to turn around again she’s wearing a jacket, at least, even if her skirt is still rather short. Small mercies, you suppose.

“Much appreciated. So. Why am I here?”

She takes a small vial out of the jacket pocket and drinks it, then looks at you with what you can tell, even from their silly surgically altered dark color, are clearer, more sober eyes.

The teal sits down at the room’s desk and turns on a softly glowing lamp shaped like a lantern.

You let your own glow show for a moment, out of pure absurd pique. I can do that too.

She doesn’t smile. Yes, this is the woman you know; staring you down, deciding your fate.

“To tell you something important. I assume as a rainbowdrinker, you already know more of your kind than I ever will, but I doubt you or any others know what I’ve discovered. It took a sweep of searching for me to find it, and I have accesses many trolls can only dream of.”

You don’t even bother to hide your severe lack of investment in what she’s saying, emphasizing it by picking dirt from under your claws. It’s rude, yes, but so is her assuming you care. Would she be interested in any random fact about trollkind?

“Tell me, Vannyn; what do you know of the angel worshipping sects?”

“They’re out to lunch, the empire doesn’t like them, and they think a bunch of winged snakes will come destroy the world and then make it new again.”

Now she laughs, a much more subdued and annoyingly knowing one than when she was tipsy.

“Most trolls only see that surface. But you know how deceiving surfaces are.”

“Oh, no, miss, this is my first night out of caverns and papà forbade mirrors lest I fall victim to vanity.” You retort dryly.

You’re probably digging yourself a mile-deep grave, but honestly. What other kind of response does that deserve?

Fortunately, she merely snorts.

“Modern angel worshipping cults are full of nothing but the delusional and desperate, yes. The old ones, sects that can be traced almost all the way back to the dawn of the Empire itself, contain grains of truth in their texts. Things trollkind has otherwise forgotten.”

You’re silent, waiting for her to get to the point already.

“When I first met you, I thought you must be an anomaly. A fluke of nature. As I thought about it more, I realized no fluke could survive so long, flourish even. Why weren’t there more of you?”

Your fists clench. Tulais knows you were imperial property, but you and Rivali never told her the details. Even jadepup recognized how unwise it was to hand that knowledge over, and you trust their hatred of your nature to keep them quiet.

“I found Lifeweaver’s research and thought that explained it, but when reading his notes I found something strange. Much of the data was gone, but he’d written an explanation of where he’d first gotten the idea: an angel sect’s record of all the creatures that once roamed Alternia but had long ago gone extinct.”

You want her to stop talking. You want the boat to sink, you want the room to catch on fire and take you with it. Anything.

“This sect spoke of how one of the creatures it worshipped had fallen, lost its wings due to disgrace, and assumed the shape of a troll. Yet this was merely a shell, for inside it was a conglomeration of worms - tiny snakes, in the original text - ever seeking troll blood to replace the divine feeling it had lost. Weaker than a seadweller, but faster than any troll, it could infect other creatures around it and control them, as well as turn them into lesser copies of itself.”

No no no no no no no no no -

Your elbows are digging into the floor before you realize you’ve fallen to your knees, clutching your head in your hands, not caring that the sharp tines of your horns rip your skin.

It’s not like you can bleed.

“This is a story!” You say, with a very forced lighthearted tone. “A monster tale for wrigglers. Perhaps my wretched ancestor was inspired by it, but that doesn’t mean it's true. Why do you believe anything these fools wrote?”

She nods in an infuriatingly calm way, her faintly luminescent flower tattoos gleaming as she moves.

“I wouldn’t accept it as fact from the word of only one source. So I found others. Texts in languages long since dead, that I had painstakingly translated for me.”

“What did they say?” You ask, looking up at her from between the spaces of your fingers, voice hoarse and barely a whisper. “What else was there about my supposed fellows?”

The young, whole, living troll gives you a look of calculating curiosity and also, sickeningly, a hint of platonic pity. As if she has any right.

“Multiple records referred to the creature in different ways, some attributing abilities that couldn’t possibly be real, but there were enough consistencies in unrelated accounts that confirmed it: several drinkers like you existed once, whatever their true origin was. Perhaps they were even the progenitors of the more common kind that exist tonight.”

You want to bite her. You want to bite yourself. You want to bite everyone on this empress-damned ship, then sink it, so that all of this can end here and never be repeated.

“They died off for a reason.” You snarl, your face twisting with hate. “They should’ve stayed dead and gone, and Rhomox should’ve left well enough alone! But he never could, could he? Do you know how many Vannyns he killed?”

You spring to your feet and slam your hands on her desk, and her ears pin. Her teal pupils go slit in fear. One hand goes with a flash to what must be her sylladex, pulling at something.

“Dozens. Dozens at least. He paid caverns to produce more, and more, until finally he got me, his perfect little test subject. Someone who actually wanted to be a monster. Oh, I wanted it so badly, miss Tulais. I loved the idea of a cavern in my grip, terrified I could see into their very minds. Knowing if they spared a mutant, if they broke any law, I would eat them alive.”

You smile, twisted, bitter from memories.

“Rhomox didn’t need worms to make me an abomination, but he ensured I would remain one forever because of his designs.”

You back off from the desk, rage cooling to dull apathy. Natural, unnatural. Does it matter which you are? Does it matter if, once upon a time, other creatures like you walked the planet?

It can’t matter.

You exist thanks to the suffering of others, and by rights you should be dead.

“I thought you’d be more interested.” She says, after a pause. “I guess I was wrong.”

She shrugs, stretches her arms, then looks at you again.

“Tescin is so afraid of you, but mostly you hate yourself. You don’t resent trollkind at all, do you?”

You snort. “I think lots of trolls are just as bad as me, worse sometimes, with less right. The species has plenty of room for improvement. They have that power, and I don’t. That’s what really separates us.”

She gives you a strange look, the wind ruffling her long hair.

“In the stories, the first drinker Ozryel was originally a guardian of trollkind, until they fell due to their desire to understand us on a physical level, and drank blood. For that they were cast down, and became worms. But they began as a savior.”

You remember Tierel’s face, the features of a troll with nothing left to lose. Who would turn even to you for hope in a world drained of it by the Empire.

How delusional. So you’ve saved some people. What of it? You killed scores if not hundreds of fleet on the same night and enjoyed it. Not because they were a danger to the townsfolk, not because fleet is corrupt - no, you know very well you loved killing them because you could. Because their blood gave you the power you’ve always craved.

No matter how you play at decency, at being a person, you’re only a weapon that’s just as dangerous to the people it protects.

“They never rose again, did they?” You retort. “They stayed a monster, and spawned other beasts to feed on trollkind thanks to their selfishness.”

You hadn’t thought Tulais was so foolish and sentimental. At least jadepup understands what drinkers really are.

Inexplicably, the teal smiles.

“Who’s to say Ozryel doesn’t stand in front of me in a way, trying for another chance at redemption? For all your talk, you still go on rescue missions. You’ve done well obeying me since Darkfall; you even helped those Imperial aides.”

You roll your bright jade eyes.

“Those aides weren’t a danger to anyone. It was only a few hours of trouble to get them hive, and what would’ve been the point of letting them drown?”

Your crew had acted like you were insane, but you’d insisted. It wasn’t like they’d been soldiers. Just a bunch of silly political trolls stranded on an island in a flood.

“Anyway, little acts of charity don’t change what I am. Ask the quadrants of all those fleet I killed; they’re surely still grieving. Ask the recruits I’m sure were put in their places, maybe not even ready for the battlefield, possibly dead by now too. I’m here for you to use me as best you can. I wasn’t made for idealistic nonsense.”

“What about your charge?”

Of course she’d drag Uunive in. You should’ve seen it coming.

“A mistake.” You say sharply. “I hurt her badly with my lies. She deserves far better.”

There’s that obnoxious look of platonic pity again. Doesn’t Tulais get that feeling remorse about something doesn’t make it right?

“You really are determined to not see any good in yourself.”

“There's none to see.” You growl. “Having standards isn’t redeeming, it’s basic and fixes nothing. Ask jadepup sometime; they’ll blather a lot, but they’re hardly wrong about me.”

“What if you got your own rooms? It’s about time, isn’t it. No doubt Tescin would appreciate it too. I can include a spare recuperacoon for your charge’s visits.”

You blink, then squint at her.

“What’s the catch?”

“I’d like you to assemble your own force from our allies in space for a new set of missions. You would answer to myself and my executive assistants, but would otherwise have free reign for field command during enemy engagement.”

Confusion simmers in your mind until you get it, except you don’t. Suspicious, your lips pull back, fingers clasped as you try to figure out her game.

“You want me back in combat?”

Her eyebrows raise as her painted teal claws tap the desk.

“If we’re to get off this planet in ten sweeps or less and begin our journey in time for the Empire to not catch up, the path needs to be clear. Your goal will be to destroy communications and sabotage mapping, but collateral is unavoidable.”

It’s her dismissive tone that makes you hate her. One of you is a monster, but the other is uncaring. It’s not that being invested makes you more moral; if anything, it only adds to your perversity. But Tulais should at least have that bare minimum.

“You sound just like Fleet.”

Funnily enough, you’ve stopped caring about being disrespectful.

Her lips pull back in real offense, not the drunken huffiness of earlier.

“Dismissed, Vannyn.”

You turn and walk to the transportalizer with a pointed spring in your step, but right when you’re about to step on it she speaks again.

“Do you understand what you could do? You don’t have to believe the story; believe in the morale boost it would give. People would treat you differently.”

You turn and look at her, from her black eyes to her tattooed skin, her jacket and her bare legs.

“Even you thought I’d bite you tonight, didn’t you? At a second’s notice, you were ready to shoot me with some clever heat laser no doubt kept on you at all times.”

The look of guilt mixed with resentment and offense is enough of an answer.

You laugh softly.

“Be honest with yourself, miss Tulais. It’s so much less trouble.”

With a rush of light, you’re transported back hive. Rivali’s not here, but there’s a gently steaming cup of tea on the table; they’ll be back soon. You wonder if your boss really means to give you separate quarters.

She’s a new kind of nonsense, urging you to be positive but fearing, just like everyone would, that you’d still turn on her and tear out her throat. The teal has no need to play games, so why does she bother?

As if helping people would ever change how they saw you. As if you deserved that to begin with.

Still, you’d like to know more about the story.

Your body goes still as stone. That’s not your thought.

“So! Having a rare opinion, are you?”

There’s no response. There never has been; you’d go mad if there was. Worms don’t think in words, in sentences. They hardly think at all.

But just as they inhabit you, you inhabit them. At least, so you believe; perhaps you’ve been hallucinating all these long sweeps. Rhomox certainly thought you were.

Rhomox, dead because his worms lashed out without your command.

Every so often, you’ll get an emotion, a prickling on the neck, a feeling that doesn’t match whatever’s on your mind. Reminding you why you’re still here, despite your best attempts.

“You're all curious, hm? Well, shove it. Your husk is entirely disinterested, and I make most of the decisions in this hive. None of you get a vote due to past crimes.”

If you were in the mood, you’d rip several out and crush them as a lesson. A completely ineffective one, but the dying bodies always make you feel a vindictive sort of satisfaction.

Karina is right not to trust you, for who knows what else the worms have slid into your thinkpan, subtle things you may never detect?

Ozryel. Could the tale exist - could it even refer to true events - or is it just another fabrication? An invention of Karina’s to suit her purposes?

All that you are is a lie, but even you don’t know exactly how deep that lie goes.

END

#tuuya only looks like they're in their late twenties/early thirties #so it's easy to forget they're over 400 #cloud writes #there's nothing graphic in here but mentions of:#suicide attempts #not being alone in your head #idk if that's a trigger but still #worm death #etuuya vannyn

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thismanateelovestowrite · 5 years

Text

When you and Kihyun make up after a fight

Thank you so much for the request~ I’m not sure if this is enough to fulfill your angst needs but I really wanted to write something like this, so I hope it’s satisfactory nevertheless! ^^

blue really wore me out in terms of writing angst so i really wanted to write something a little less heavy which i really hope wasn't a bad decision... ANYWAY i had the most fun ever imagining a soft university bf kihyun T-T

Words: 2696

Angsty with a somewhat fluffy ending

Requested by @jjangmishi ♥

”Wow,” Jooheon exclaimed and leaned back in his chair. “That sounds bad.”

You sighed and poked the unappetizing food on your tray with your utensil. “I know…”

“Two weeks is a long time. Like, really long. Especially for you two.”

“I know,” you repeated.

“And just because of some argument? That’s just stupid.”

“I know,” you frowned at him. “Just… give me some advice. You’ve dated a bunch before.”

He smiled smugly. “Well, I guess you could say so.”

“Is dating three times considered a bunch these days?” Hyunwoo walked to the table with his tray and sat down next to you with an innocent look. “What about me, then?”

Jooheon snorted. “You’ve dated so much just because you can’t say no. Have you ever actually loved someone?”

“Who are you to talk to your senior like that?” Hyunwoo gave him a look.

“Senior, my ass. We’ve been friends since, like, forever. Don’t pull your I’ve-been-attending-this-uni-for-a-few-more-years-than-you card on me now!”

Hyunwoo snickered and began to eat with a smug smile on his face.

“Anyway, ______,” Jooheon looked at you. “That dude is too stubborn to take the initiative, so you need to be the rational person. Contact him, talk it out, relationship saved. You can thank me later.”

“Did you have a fight with Kihyun?” Hyunwoo spoke with food in his mouth, receiving a disgusted look from Jooheon for it.

You nodded. “We haven’t talked in two weeks... Do you have any advice?”

Both Jooheon and you waited in anticipation as he took his sweet time swallowing the food in his mouth.

“I don’t know. Isn’t breaking up a pretty solid solution?” his words shocked you and Jooheon.

“Hey, that’s insensitive!” Jooheon glared at him. “They’ve been together for, like, three years.”

“But you still give each other the silent treatment after an argument?” Hyunwoo’s innocently spoken words made your heart ache. “That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.”

“But-“

“In all seriousness, I think you two should have a talk like Jooheon said,” he cut you off. “I can’t promise that it will fix everything but that’s the magic of relationships, right? You can learn from your mistakes and grow together.”

“Wow,” Jooheon exclaimed and clapped. “I’ve never heard you say anything so wise. Did you read a book or something?”

Hyunwoo nodded and the two giggled like two little girls while you still felt helpless. Even though their advice sounded logical, you struggled with the thought of actually contacting him. When you thought back at the fight, it didn’t feel all that simple to make up.

***

There was a small lump inside your throat as you exited the lecture hall.

So much work to do yet I understood nothing… Why are all my courses like that now? Should I just take time off? I’m sure no one would mind…

You could hear someone call your name almost immediately after you had stepped out into the corridor. You turned around but regretted your decision immediately and made a weak attempt to act like you didn’t notice the two seniors hurrying towards you.

“That’s an awfully thick pile of papers,” one of them stated as soon as they caught up with you.

“Oh, hello,” you forced a smile as if you were the least bit happy to see them.

“It’s Friday!” the other appeared on your other side. “You know what that means!”

You looked at both in confusion and could feel the nervousness growing in your stomach. “No… I don’t?”

“You’ve forgotten already?” he pouted.

“You promised us last week that you would buy us drinks today,” the other reminded you.

Crap…

You cursed at your past self for using such a stupid strategy to avoid drinking with them. “I, um… Have a ton of school work to do, so… Some other time? I know a lot of people probably want to drink with you anyways.”

Actually, I can’t think of anyone like that…

“Aww, don’t be like that,” they both whined. “You can do that later.”

“But-“

“You lost in rock, paper, scissors,” one reminded. “No can do.”

“We’ll get really mad if you don’t keep your promise,” the other said teasingly and you wanted to take a big step away from him, feeling uncomfortable.

“I… I guess today’s fine…” you said instead, at this point just wanting to get rid of them.

They celebrated your statement among themselves and hopped ahead of you. “We’ll text you the location later.”

You nodded with a forced smile and they finally left you. A sigh escaped your lips. You felt like the exhausting day wasn’t going to end well.

I really miss Kihyun…

***

“Jooheon said that I can’t say ‘no’ but I think you’re the same,” Hyunwoo gave you a look as you two stood in front of the bar the two seniors had texted you about.

“Thanks for tagging along,” you felt relieved to have him around. “I’m kind of uncomfortable around them. I would have called Kihyun but… You know…”

“No problem, I get it,” he smiled. “Besides, I don’t think any junior should be left alone with those two. Especially not you.”

You followed him inside and your gaze landed on the two seniors immediately. They had already started to pour drinks into glasses and you felt a sting in your heart.

I wonder how much money I will have left after this fiasco…

“Ooh! Look who has arrived!” they noticed you loudly and you two walked over to their table.

“Why are you here?” one asked when Hyunwoo sat down next to him.

“To make sure that you don’t make your junior broke,” he stated calmly and poured himself a drink while you sat down beside him.

“What? Us? What kind of people do you think we are?” they acted shocked in an overly-dramatic way.

“You know where you lie on the asshole scale, don’t act like you don’t,” Hyunwoo sighed and downed a drink.

The two didn’t seem too ashamed of themselves but didn’t say anything in return, either. You felt incredibly relieved to have Hyunwoo with you as the night progressed, eventually turning the two seniors drunk. They babbled on and on about how tired they were with school and job-hunting, badmouthing different professors and students while they were at it.

“I heard you’re dating Yoo Kihyun,” one hiccupped and pointed at you after they had filled you in on the unnecessary details about a certain student’s “scandalous” love life. “How is it? Are you having fun?”

“Didn’t Kihyun date with your twin in the past or something?” the other asked him before you managed to answer. “Weren’t the two, like, high school sweethearts or something? Super lovey-dovey and stuff?”

While you didn’t feel jealousy, the topic bothered you as you had talked about the topic with Kihyun before and knew how the relationship had ended.

“That asshole broke her heart! I’m still waiting for my chance to make him pay…” the guy looked at you. “Maybe you could help me with that?”

The look in his eyes creeped you out and you avoided his gaze. “I don’t think there’s any reason he should take responsibility for what happened,” you said with a rather serious tone.

There was a brief silence during which you mustered up the courage to look at the senior straight in the eye with a stern look.

“And why shouldn’t he?” the drunk guy asked. “Breaking up with someone over text is the worst thing ever!”

“He only did that because he knew how your twin would react! He didn’t want to deal with all that crap!” you raised your voice and stood up. You knew how horrible the breakup had been for Kihyun, enough for him to be unable to stop crying while he had told you about it. Hence why hearing someone talk about him with such a disrespectful tone really made your blood boil.

“I think we should end the night here,” Hyunwoo said calmly before the guy could start yelling. “You two seem really drunk,” he frowned slightly at the mess the two had become. “Plus, I don’t think it’s polite towards Kihyun for us to keep drinking with you way past midnight,” he said to you.

***

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Hyunwoo asked you with a worried look while helping the two adult men stay on their feet. “I already texted Kihyun but you’ll need to take the bus alone.”

“I’ll be fine,” you reassured him, though slightly flustered at the unexpected mention of your boyfriend. “Thanks for worrying, though.”

I actually feel more nervous at the thought of seeing Kihyun than going home alone this late…

“I feel like a complete asshole for not taking care of you. Should I call someone to take care of these two, after all?”

“No, it’s okay. It’s not like this is my first time. Also, you know how peaceful my neighborhood is,” you smiled. “I think those two need more help, anyway. While the thought of someone bumping into them with a car really tempts me, I don’t think we should allow such a thing to happen.”

Though he still didn’t look sure, you two eventually parted ways as you headed to the nearest bus stop and he tried to make sure that the two wouldn’t die on their way home.

While waiting for the bus, you let out a heavy sigh. Even though the total cost of the drinks had been less than you had expected, it had still been quite the hit for your bank account.

I was really looking forward to finally buying that CD, though...

While listening to some music through your earphones, you thought about the day with a heavy heart. Out of the stressful few months you had had, this day had been the most exhausting by far.

You got quite melancholic while looking outside from the mirror beside you. The bus drove past many couples that walked on the street while holding hands.

It would be so nice to have Kihyun here right now…

You glanced at the seat next to you only to realize that the bus was about to arrive at your stop. Slightly panicked, you quickly got up and luckily got off at the right stop. You let out a sigh of relief and as you breathed in the fresh night air, you began to walk home. The streetlamps it your way with their warm light and you subconsciously tried to match your steps with the beat of the song you were listening to.

Oh, yeah…

Your pace grew slower as you remembered Hyunwoo’s comment from earlier. Eventually, you stopped and scanned your surroundings rather nervously. When you turned around, you jumped in surprise when you discovered someone standing right behind you.

“Whoa,” a familiar voice said, just as surprised as you. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

After the initial shock wore off, you quickly recognized the person standing in front of you. “Oh…” you took off your earphones and breathed out in relief though the nervousness was growing inside you at a rather quick pace.

You and Kihyun stood there in silence, just staring at each other. A lump grew inside your throat as you looked at his familiar features, realizing how much you had missed seeing him face-to-face.

“I got Hyunwoo’s text,” he said with a slightly worried look while you felt tears gather in your eyes. “I… I’m so sorry for not being there for you… You must have had a horrible day…”

While his apology comforted you, it also made you feel bad for him. “I’m sorry for not telling you… You had to hear it from a friend…”

You tried to discreetly dry your tears while staring at your feet.

“I’ll walk you home,” Kihyun said rather softly and you nodded.

You two walked the short distance in silence, not even glancing at each other. It felt slightly awkward for you but having him there also felt somewhat comforting. You subconsciously matched your steps with his while staring at the pavement.

Once you two stopped in front of the apartment building, you looked at each other properly for the first time.

“Well… I’ll leave now,” he said and your heart ached slightly. “See you.”

Following your heart’s orders, you grabbed his hand in a hurry. He turned around, looking surprised.

“Can’t you stay a little longer?” you asked, feeling like you would regret it later if you let him go now. “I… I think we should talk…”

***

This feels somewhat wrong…

Kihyun laid down the steaming pot in front of you on the table and sat down opposite you.

“I’m sorry for making you cook…” you said apologetically. “It’s really late, too…”

“It’s okay,” he said and handed you a pair of chopsticks. “I like making ramen for you, anyway.”

You smiled faintly as you two began to eat. After a while, you stopped and looked at him. You wanted to open your mouth and talk about the fight but couldn’t. It frustrated you how scared you were to talk about it.

“Ah,” Kihyun exclaimed softly and got up.

You watched how he exited the kitchen, looking slightly hurried. “What is it?”

He returned in silence, holding his backpack in his hands. Confused, you just stared as him as he walked to the table and opened the backpack as if looking for something. “It should be here somewhere…” he mumbled and his face lit up as he found what he was looking for.

As he pulled it out, you couldn’t believe your eyes. “You…” you said breathlessly as he handed the CD to you. “You bought this?” you looked at him with wide eyes and for the first time in a long time, you saw a smile on his lips.

“Yeah, for you. You didn’t buy it yet, did you?” he asked cautiously.

While looking at him, tears gathered in your eyes. You shook your head as an answer to his question and could feel the tears spill.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked, sounding taken aback.

“I… I’m sorry about saying all those horrible things to you…” you sobbed while trying to wipe the tears away. “I feel really horrible about the whole thing, really… I feel like it could have all been avoided if I had just talked about my emotions a little more…”

After a short silence, you could feel Kihyun wrap his arms around you. “I’m sorry, too… It was my fault, too…” he sounded just as heartbroken and you wrapped your arms around him. “I let my stress pile up… And then I just exploded like that…”

You two kept apologizing to each other until you both ran out of things to say other than just “I’m sorry”. By then, you had stopped crying and as you leaned back to look at him, you noticed that there were remains of tears on his face, too. As you helped each other wipe away those remains on your faces, your lips curved into smiles.

You pecked his lips, finding his sweet smile irresistible. His smile only widened and he did the same thing, this time ending it with a tight hug. As you two swayed very slightly, embracing each other warmly, you felt like a huge weight had been lifted off your heart.

“Hyunwoo told me earlier,” Kihyun started and you leaned back slightly to look at him. “That the magic of relationships is that you can learn from your mistakes and grow together. I think that thought fits this situation really well.”

“Me too,” you nodded with a smile. “He actually told me the same exact thing earlier today.”

Kihyun looked at you in surprise but soon became amused. “Is he our own little cupid or something?”

You two snickered at the thought together.

“Maybe there will be a day when we can give him advice instead,” you wondered.

“Maybe,” Kihyun smiled and pecked your forehead. Then he continued to hug you until you two realized that the ramen had become uneatable and you two decided to just go to bed and cuddle until both of you fell asleep.

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maddgarbagemonkey · 5 years

Text

DEAR EVAN HANSEN 2018 TOUR THINGS THAT MADE ME CRY

Yep. Back at it again with this nonsense. I saw this show back in November and needed to frantically rant about how much of a MASTERPIECE it is and how in love I am with every single tour cast member. Buckle-up dorks and get ready to read a novel. Its gonna get pretty out of order so yeah, and obviously, SPOILERS for Dear Evan Hansen ahead. :)

So it opens and a bunch of live feed from multiple social media accounts appear on the monitors and screens surrounding Evan's bed and they make little beeping noises whenever there's something new and it was super cool and immersive.

I took like 2000 pictures of Evan's red bed and all of them turned out blurry but I will cherish every single one of them.

The classic Evan rant about sweaty hands and ordering food will forever be my eternal monologue. Ben also said that line so fast I was amazed that he didn't lose his breath and suffocate!

"Ohhh... Good." B A B Y

Heidi (Jessica Phillips) is my M O M. I love her and Cynthia's harmonies were superb.

Ok fam. Real talk. Ben Levi Ross. Best human 2019. Superior to every other person on this planet and I am unafraid of saying so.

I think a lot of people, including me, went into the touring show thinking "That Ben Levi Ross is cute, but I don't see how he could possibly compare to Ben Platt" STOP! STOP THAT NOW! THAT'S NOT OKAY! Because I can swear to you that his performance was one of the greatest things I've ever witnessed in my entire life and I cried so so very hard whenever he opened his mouth.

Not only should actors NEVER be compared to one another (as they are all their own people with their own incredible talent) but Ben's singing and performing was BEYOND WORDS! You could tell immediately how much of himself he put into Evan and did not doubt for a second that he should be up there instead of anyone else. His singing was so powerful and moving that I physically began shaking and did not stop until I left the theater, which Ben himself even acknowledged but more on that later. He was so incredibly talented it was unreal and I just wanted to take a second and say that he deserved every single moment of applause and cheering times a million. I need a recording of him singing Waving right now. BEN LEVI ROSS, GUYS!!!1!!!

oof, anyways his "Waving Through a Window" killed me. I'm dead. Gorgeous boy. Beautiful.

The way everyone's harmonies mix together and hit you in that song are phenomenal.

Jared, played by Jared Goldsmith, had such a squeaky highschooler voice and the biggest, doofy-est smile which made his stupid comments so much better. I loved him a lot. 10/10. Classic Jared.

Also, I would die for Marrick Smith.

Marrick, A.K.A. Connor was so good at being a broken teenager it hurt! I loved him a lot.

It also opened my eyes because... how do I say this without sounding weird... BOI HE THICK!

Marrick was so tall and swol and gorgeous and sweet and I love him and that's my TedTalk. It also created such a strong physical contrast between Connor, who was tall and strong and scary who processed his emotions through anger outbursts, with Evan, who was skinny and small and shrunk into himself and processed his emotions through hiding or running away, in a way that Ben Platt and Mike Faist couldn't really do. It was different in a good way and I really liked it! :)

Y'all can take Stronk Connor and Skinny Twink Evan out of my cold, dead hands.

In the cast signing scene, Connor was overly friendly and smiley which made the point where it all slowly fades into anger at "You wrote this because you knew that I would find it" so much worse.

The little tug on Ev's arm followed by a subtle "Ow" before signing. <3

"I LoVE JaZZ!"

I love the way Evan sits in chairs by taking up as little space as possible! Its such a cool detail to demonstrate Evan's social anxiety and his need and want to not take up too much space.

I just need to take a second to squeal about Phoebe Koyabe, who played Alana, because she had gorgeous pink hair and I was just all around in love with her voice and her quirky little Alana characteristics.

Here's where things are a bit out of order and blurred because I wrote down my favorite things and then instantly lost the paper so... this is all from what I rewrote later on.

During that line where Alana retaliates to Evan accusing her of using the Connor project for her college application, she became completely hysterical and began crying. That "because I know how it feels to be forgotten" will always be my weak point.

"Connor was OBSESSED with trees!"

"We were partners for our Literature class while reading Huck Finn. He was so funny! He came up with this funny joke where he'd say, well, instead of Huck Finn.... nobody else in our class thought of that!"

OH MY GOD ZOE!

Zoe, played by Maggie Mckenna, was so incredible and loveable it was insane.

Her voice was so deep and melodic that just listening to her speak made you want to curl up with a blanket and just be comfortable. She was also so expressive and good at delivering her lines that you felt and understood exactly what she was going through whenever she spoke. I loved her so much and can relate with Evan's sentiments in "If I could tell her!"

"That's just what you do when you're rich and don't have a job, you get crazy!"

That entire scene before "If I could tell her" was so good! She was so snarky and sarcastic with every line and I fell way more in love with Zoe. I love when she's not played as the angel love interest and more of a real character with flaws and feelings and emotions and Maggie's portrayal really solidified that for me! I love this little Jazz band brat!

I also need a recording of Maggie's requiem, it was beautiful!

There was this heartbreaking moment in that song where Zoe looked at and read through Connor's emails and held them close, but at "That you were not the monster," she crumbled it up into a ball and let it fall to the ground, covering up all her sadness with anger and it hurt me.

That song just hurt a lot all around. Cynthia, Larry, Zoe. Just all of it, all of their God-tier harmonies. All.

You'd also be glad to know that Zoe's star-covered jeans were in full view the whole time along with the ones on her sneakers.

There was this adorable moment in the scene before "Only Us" where Evan freaks out because he thinks Zoe's gonna break up with him and he screams and promises he won't start breaking things and Zoe just has to stop him like "no, you tree-loving twink, I'm not breaking up with you!" And Evan just stands there for a second and then does this sweet thing where he awkwardly bends down and grabs her hands and shakes them with a little "thank you." Then Zo copies his little hand thing as responds "Don't mention it!" They're so cute together and lovable it hurts! Hopefully nothing bad happens between them...

During Disappear, Connor started jumping on Evan's bed during "And even if you've always been-" and it was glorious and Evan just regarded it as a normal occurrence.

They also did this thing where they ran on opposite sides of the stage and then rejoined in the middle where Connor helps Evan put on his backpack and then just puts his hands on his shoulders in a moment of bro trust and admiration and then yeets out of existence at "when you're falling in a forest."

BEN'S YOU WILL BE FOUND WILL LIVE ON IN INFAMY!

During the panic attack before the song began, starting when Evan dropped his notecards, you can feel it radiating off of him so vividly that everyone in the theater was holding their breath.

First when he fell to pick the cards up you could see the tears swell up and hear his breath quicken and feel the panic swell like "no no no, this can't happen. Not now. Don't do this!" And the second you think he might be able to pull it together and stand up, he slips and hits his elbow so hard on the floor, we all jump. He lets out the most heartbreaking yelp and clutches his arm, abandoning his cards and the speech and all hope of recovering. The tears finally start to fall down his face and they don't stop.

Still holding his arm, Evan pushes his body out of the spotlight and holds himself in the fetal position, refusing to look up and just all around shutting hinself away from everyone watching. AND YOU CAN FEEL IT! You can feel Evan's shame and horror and fear and anger and it's awful. You almost have to look away because the emotions being displayed are so real and raw. More real than any recording or bootleg out there. And that's why Ben Levi Ross was so incredibly perfect in my eyes, because he could so accurately depict and portray Evan and what he's going through to the point where you have to look away to avoid the risk of being pulled under with him and losing yourself to your own habits and its heartbreakingly brilliant! Again, Ben. Fucking. Levi. Ross.

During "You Will be Found" they also display all these younger and baby pictures of Marrick along with present day ones to show little Connor, which was adorable. But then Larry, played by Aaron Lazar, looks up and sees little baby Connor on the screen and instantly breaks down sobbing, the first time ever since Connor died as we hear Zoe say earlier that "he didn't even cry at Connor's funeral." Cynthia has to come over and hold him to prevent him from instantly falling apart.

Evan and Jared also have this awkward high five at that part and its very uncomfortable and great.

There's another just horrible moment in the middle of words fail where one by one the Murphys all run off stage horrified at the news that Evan was lying. First, it's Zoe with Cynthia following after, frantically trying to grasp what happened with tears falling everywhere. Then Larry, who looks disapprovingly at Evan before solemnly following the others. Then, lastly, in what could just be described as the worst thing ever, one of the screens become transparent to reveal CONNOR, looking in dismay at what has happened, tears in his eyes, before also walking away from Evan back into the nothingness. Awful. Beautifully, beautifully awful.

Evan snuggles into Heidi and stays there for what seems like forever during "So Big, So Small" then, he finally lets go and Heidi rides away on the couch, reaching for him.

Okay, fam. That was all the specific things I wanted to scream about during the actual show, but then I had the pleasure of meeting them at the stage door which led to some great hijinks!

I said something really stupid to Jessica Phillips/Heidi when she signed my playbill probably along the lines of like "You were so amazing I might faint. Please catch me" and she SQUEALED! It was the best sound on the planet.

When Marrick Smith/ Connor came out, I was frozen in shock because, not only was he shorter than I thought and his cool hair was tied in a man bun and he was wearing a cool beanie and some hair feel into his eyes like a Myspace profile picture, I was so amazed that he was real and was standing so close to me. I was so amazed that I stood there like an idiot just staring at him and shaking while he smiled at me, an awkward little baby, until my Mom had to physically nudge me towards him to which he responded by giggling and saying "Aw! Don't be scared! I don't bite!" I... I. How? How do I live after that. He signed by his picture and, get this, also doodled a little mustache on Aaron Lazar/ Larry's picture. I am also proud to say that I saw his slightly chipped black nail polish up close in true Connor fashion. Then he thanked me for coming and waved at me. He was SO incredibly sweet and I couldn't stop smiling after that.

When Phoebe Koyabe/Alana came out with her gorgeous pink hair I squealed and told her she was gorgeous to which she kindly smiled and complemented my dress and signed my Playbill. She was a goddess and I love her so much.

Right before Aaron Lazar came out, My Mom without thinking just called out "Daddy" to which my sister and I were horrified.

Lastly, Ben Levi Ross, wearing the best sweater ever, came out and signed my Playbill. At this point my legs were absolute jelly and I was shaking so bad I almost dropped everything, but he was so SO NICE and, as a response to seeing me dying upon seeing him, said "Oh no! Don't shake! You're okay! Everything's fine!" He was so unbelievably chill and sweet and upon my family showering him with all of the complements he deserved was so down to earth and appreciative. It was so incredible to get to meet him and tell him how amazing he was!

In conclusion, I knew Dear Evan Hansen was incredible and loved it before, but actually seeing it made me feel so many feelings that I didn't know existed. Its such a genius musical and I 1000% recommend! There was not a weak link in the cast! They were all so sweet and talented and just absolutely PHENOMENAL! I would die for all of them! :)

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hollandorks · 6 years

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Chapter 2

Summary: A fun night in Atlanta forces the reader into a fake relationship with celebrity Tom Holland in order to save both of their careers.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, entirely made up by me for me. I don’t necessarily condone the behavior in this fic, nor do I actually know Tom, Harrison, or the other real-life people who feature in it. Because of this, they might not always act like themselves based on what we know about them.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Word count: 4224

Author’s Note: Sorry that this chapter took forever! I’m trying to work on the fic when I can, but I really don’t have much inspiration right now, and I start a new semester in two weeks, so I may continue posting infrequently. This chapter has a lot of dialogue/ is long winded, but it’s necessary for the foundations, I swear. I promise it’ll get more exciting. With that, I hope you all enjoy this! As usual, let me know what you think--feedback is incredibly motivating to us writers!

Y/N–Your Name

Your day at work was terrible, and not just because you had almost gotten fired. Both coworkers you knew and coworkers hadn’t yet met--plus the other four interns--all came up to you and asked about the photos. You found yourself lying over and over again. It was your boyfriend. Yes, you were drunk, but it was your boyfriend. Inevitably, the question came up of why you’d kept him secret, as famous as he was. All you said was, “We just wanted to keep it private.” Everyone seemed to accept the answer, for the moment.

On your lunch break you furiously googled the boy you’d claimed was your boyfriend.

Damn, was he famous. Really famous. A knot of anxiety buried itself in your gut. He’d been in several movies, of course, including the Avengers and Spider-Man. He had several more movies slated for release in the next couple of years. He was everywhere, especially now with the paparazzi photos.

You were an idiot. Worse than an idiot. Of all the boys in all the bars in Atlanta, you had to get drunk and make out with a stranger who happened to be incredibly famous. You groaned in frustration for the thousandth time that day and thumped your head on the table in the break room. You were alone, thankfully. You would have gone out for lunch but you couldn’t stand to see anyone else that may or may not recognize you.

You idly checked Instagram to see what damage had been done. You had a bunch of direct messages from people you knew and random Tom Holland fan accounts. There was one, however, that caught your eye.

It was a verified account named @hazosterfield. You went to his page and recognized him as Tom’s friend from the bar. Harrison was his name. He had photos of himself and Tom, including one from last night.

You grudgingly opened the message to see that same paparazzi photo staring back at you.

@hazosterfield: Is this you?

You groaned again. @yourusername: Unfortunately.

You could think of nothing else to say. You thought maybe you should apologize. But you were better off saving that message for Tom, you supposed.

The reply came almost instantly, as if he’d been waiting. @hazosterfield: I’m a friend of Tom’s, and his personal assistant. He’d like to meet with you at your earliest convenience.

You grimaced. Fair enough. @yourusername: I’m at work until 4:30.

@hazosterfield: Shall we meet after that then? Name the place and we’ll be there.

You raised your eyebrows at the we part but sent a location anyways. It was a small coffee shop close by that you could be at as soon as you got off. Harrison agreed to meet there.

You put your phone away and sighed. It had been a long day already, and it was only halfway over.

For the next several hours, you agonized over what your meeting with Tom would be like. You practiced a little speech in your head apologizing, telling him you were stupid. But you also wanted to ask him why he’d said that you were his girlfriend. You figured it was for the same reasons you had said the same thing to your own boss--to cover his ass.

And what were you going to do when he told you, inevitably, that it was a mistake? When you had to admit to your boss that you’d lied? When you lost your internship because of it?

Everything was ruined.

Time came to leave and you bolted for the door. You felt an overwhelming need to throw up as you left the building and headed for the coffee shop. You managed to tamp it down. Take it minute by minute, you firmly told yourself. Just breathe.

The little cafe was stuffily warm as you stepped inside. There was a hint of air conditioning, lost somewhere under the scent of coffee. You scanned the restaurant for the two boys. It took you a second to recognize them. You saw Harrison first, his dirty blonde head alert and watching out the window. Tom, beside him, was wearing a baseball hat, his shoulders hunched.

You headed to their corner table, feet suddenly made of iron.

“Uh, hi,” you said when neither noticed you. Both of their heads snapped up.

“Y/N, yeah?” Harrison said. He gestured to the empty seat beside himself, across from Tom. “I’m Harrison.”

“We met...briefly,” you said. Your cheeks already kindled small flames of embarrassment as you sat down. “Hello again, Tom.”

He finally met your eyes. He looked stricken.

“Listen, I’m really sorry--” he started, interrupting whatever it was that Harrison had been about to say. “I’m such a fuck up, I’m sorry. I didn’t think, I was just trying not to tank my career. I’m sorry.”

You made a complicated face at the table. “It’s alright, it’s not like it was entirely your fault. We’re both pretty...intimate in that picture. And I definitely had had too much to drink. I’m sorry. I--I lied and told my boss today that you were my boyfriend, too. I didn’t want to get fired, either, I--” You stopped and swallowed. Your stomach was in knots.

Tom flinched. “I’m so sorry I put your job on the line, I should have been more careful. I’ll--you don’t ever have to see me again, I’ll tell them we broke up. We’ll just...we’ll take care of it.”

He’s kind of cute when he’s flustered, you thought distractedly. Your mind slowly processed his words. If he told everyone that the two of you broke up, it would be obvious it was a lie. Especially after the first and only proof of your “relationship” was taken while you were drunkenly hooking up. And if the world knew your relationship was a fake, your boss would no doubt figure it out. No, that wouldn’t do at all.

“Why don’t we pretend to date?” The words were out of your mouth before you had finished thinking them through.

Tom’s face went slack with shock. Harrison’s blue eyes narrowed as he met your gaze.

Harrison opened his mouth, then hesitated. “Why?” he asked simply. “What’s in it for you? I just have to tell you, if it’s all just some long con for fame, there are better ways of going about this.” His words were blunt. Practical.

Heat flared in your cheeks.

“Harrison,” Tom admonished. He turned back to you. “You don’t have to--”

A little bit of anger seeped into your words as you said, “You think I would want to do this? I didn’t even know who Tom was last night! This is fucking up my life, too, you know.”

Harrison raised his hands in surrender. “Look--I think it could work. He’s my best mate, is all. I’m only trying to look out for him.”

“I think it’s the only solution,” you said tightly, trying to tamp down the anger. “It’ll look suspicious if we just ‘break it off’ now. There’s only one photo of us together in existence, after all.”

“It could work,” Harrison murmured thoughtfully. “Make it look genuine for long enough to be believable, then break it off.”

“What?” Tom said incredulously. “What are you saying?”

You ignored him and spoke directly to Harrison. “How long for it to be believable, do you think? A couple of months?”

Harrison considered the question for a moment. “That should work. When are we set to wrap, Tom? September?”

“Yeah, but--you can’t seriously be considering this, mate. I know I fucked up, but--”

You interrupted him. “I know it’s not the ideal situation, but...I’ll get fired if they find out that you were some random stranger. This internship will determine my life. And you can’t deny that it’ll hurt your career to have been caught hooking up with a stranger, right, Spider-Man?”

Tom looked between you and Harrison and back again. His expression was bewildered. “This is crazy...I don’t--”

“Mate,” Harrison said softly. A quiet conversation passed between them.

After an agonizingly long pause, Tom murmured, “Yeah, alright.”

Some of the tension in your stomach eased.

“Tom,” Harrison said under his breath. “To your right.”

You and Tom both looked. There was a man holding his phone in a way that made it obvious that he was taking a picture. You immediately flushed, while Tom set his jaw.

“We should go,” Tom said carefully. “We can take this back to my house.”

He and Harrison stood, but you hesitated. “I don’t--”

“You two should go over the specifics of...this,” Harrison interjected. “But we should go,” he said, the words carefully weighted.

You finally nodded and followed them outside. The man had disappeared. Would more pictures of you be circulating on the Internet? Maybe you had been too hasty in suggesting a fake relationship. The same sick feeling that had been in your stomach all day worsened.

“Where’d you park?” Tom asked. “I can ride with you. Give you directions. Harrison can take the Audi.”

You tried not to get hung up on the word Audi. “Um--just down the block.”

Before you knew it, Spider-Man was in the passenger seat of your car, directing you through traffic and out to the suburbs. More than fifteen minutes passed in relative silence. Your palms were slick with sweat. You were trying not to think, but you couldn’t help it. Had you really suggested fake dating one of the most visible celebrities in the world? Had he really agreed? You knew, logically, that it made sense. You wouldn’t be fired, his career wouldn’t tank. You couldn’t back out, not if it meant losing your internship. You’d worked too hard for a drunken mistake to mess it all up.

“Where are you from?” you asked him curiously, mostly to fill the silence.

“You know where I’m from,” he said, but it didn’t sound cocky--just confused.

“Um, no. I don’t, actually. I’m assuming England, but…”

“You didn’t look me up?” The confusion in his voice doubled.

“Just the general how-famous-are-you-really Google search,” you admitted.

From the corner of your eye, you saw him open and then close his mouth, eyebrows drawn together. “I’m from London. Well, a town called Kingston near London.”

“Oh,” you said, pretty sure that you’d seen that on Google. “I’m from Atlanta.”

You caught the edge of his grin.

“Maybe we could have some pizza delivered,” Tom suggested as you turned into his neighborhood some minutes later. It was secluded, each house set back from the others just enough for it to feel private. Perfect for a celebrity. “On me, of course.”

“Yeah, okay. Sure.”

“What do you like?” His voice was uncertain. “It’s the next right.” He pointed. Sure enough, you saw an Audi pulling into a driveway. You assumed it was Harrison in the Audi that was mentioned earlier.

“I don’t really mind what we get, as long as it isn’t anything weird,” you said as you turned into the same driveway.

“What counts as weird?”

“Pineapple, anchovies, olives. Besides that, anything is fine.” You shrugged.

“You don’t like pineapple on pizza?” Tom asked incredulously. He shook his head. “I never understood the hatred everyone has for it.”

You cracked a smile. “Because it’s wrong.”

As he climbed out of your car, you took a look at his house. It was pretty big, especially for only the two of them staying there. You blinked in surprise. In over your head didn’t even begin to cover it. Why had you suggested doing this? Fake dating a celebrity would be hard, you supposed. Were you ready to be in the spotlight--more than you already were, that is? All for this internship? Would it be worth it?

You decided that you had to at least try. If you could pretend to date him for the rest of the summer, you could keep your spot in the internship. And as long as you weren’t too much in the spotlight--at least, not for the same reasons you were from the night before--everything would be fine. Wouldn’t it?

Thoughts and scenarios and What if?s swirled in your mind as you stepped out of the car.

“You coming?” Tom called, already at the front steps. You shook off the feeling and followed him inside, where Harrison was already waiting. This was really happening. You were going into Spider-Man’s house.

The inside looked just as nice as the outside. It was all open, the living room in the front of the house, leading to a set of stairs and to the dining room and kitchen. You thought you glimpsed a pool through the glass back doors.

“Have a seat, love,” Tom said, gesturing to the couch where Harrison was already sprawled.

You sat on the edge of the cushion. Your palms were sweaty. You watched as the two boys bickered over which pizza place to order from and what to order. As Tom nudged off his shoes and kicked Harrison out of his way with one foot.

The argument went on past five minutes. Your stomach let out a growl. You hadn’t eaten much for lunch.

“How about I choose where to get the pizza?” you finally said to them. “Since I’m a local, after all.”

They both went quiet.

Tom let out a short laugh. “Alright then, where should we order from?”

You told them the name of your favorite pizza place. Tom pulled it up on his phone and placed the order before the three of you fell into silence. What have I gotten myself into? you thought yet again.

Harrison looked between the two of you. “Perhaps we should…” He trailed off. “Go over specifics.”

Tom looked away from you. His jaw worked for a moment before he said, “I don’t--understand why this has to be done.”

You pressed your lips together. “I--I think it’s the least suspicious route,” you said honestly. “Don’t you think? There’s only the one picture. That’s not a relationship. People have never seen or heard of me before in relation to you. And if we just broke up…”

“It’d look fake,” Tom finished flatly. He sighed and looked at Harrison, who shrugged. They said something to each other silently, in the way of close friends.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Tom finally asked you. “It��s--I can deal with this. I don’t want you to have to deal with the paparazzi, with the...fallout.”

“It seems like the only option,” you said. “We both have bigger things on the line here to let one drunken mistake ruin it.”

An unknown emotion crossed Tom’s face but was gone before you could name it. “If you ever want to back out, let me know,” he said. “At any time. Got it?”

You nodded. “Same to you. You’re the one with more to lose.”

He grimaced. “Don’t remind me. The first, most important thing I think we should talk about is, I guess, how to go public? The spotlight can be tough, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. But first,” he said as he stood. “Beer or water? That’s all we have.”

“A water is fine.”

The doorbell rang soon after. Harrison got up quickly. He held his hand out to Tom, who unblinkingly pulled out his wallet. Tom disappeared towards the kitchen as Harrison went to get the pizza.

Harrison’s voice could be heard from the front door. He returned momentarily with three pizzas.

You’d thought about Tom’s question on going public. “On how to go public...well, you’ve technically confirmed that we’re dating, on that radio interview.” Tom grimaced again as he sat on the couch.

“Right, of course. We don’t have to confirm anything else yet,” he hurried to say. “But, ah...there’s the premiere in LA next week for the Avengers....”

The words took a moment to sink in, then hit you all at once. If you were his fake girlfriend, you would have to attend the premiere. Right? But you didn’t have much money. Definitely not enough for a plane ticket. Your hands started to tremble again. You tucked them into your lap.

“I can’t...I can’t afford to fly to LA right now,” you said tightly. You hated admitting it, but it was true.

Tom’s face went blank for a moment. “I--No, you don’t have to pay for anything, yeah? I’ll handle all of it, if you go.” His cheekbones were pink.

“I can’t ask you to do that,” you said but Tom started shaking his head before you were finished speaking.

“You’re not asking. I’m offering.”

“I guess…” you said slowly, “that we could use the premiere to confirm it, then? Because, if I’m your girlfriend, I should go. Right?”

Both boys nodded. “But if you don’t want to--” Tom started as he reached for a pizza box.

“If I didn’t do everything I didn’t want to do,” you interrupted him, “then no one would be able to believe that this is real. We have to do things together. To prove it.” You said it more to convince yourself than to convince him.

The tips of his ears turned pink. “Right. You don’t have to worry about anything for the premiere, though, alright? I’ll pay for everything. You should find a dress, and shoes. I’ll hire someone for hair and makeup, too, unless you want to do that yourself?”

Were you going into shock? You thought that maybe you were. Your brain and body went on autopilot. “Yeah, I’ll--I’ll find a dress this weekend, or something.”

“You should come to set, too,” Harrison noted. “Get introduced to everyone.”

Your mouth went dry. “Okay,” you said, but it came out a bit like a squeak. “I have work four days a week, but on Friday I could…?”

“Friday is perfect,” Harrison said. He nudged Tom, who nodded. His phone started buzzing. “I’ve got to take this. I’ll be back.” He took a slice of pizza with him.

You peered at Tom, who was busy studying his beer, seemingly lost in thought. He took a sip.

“Maybe we should talk about being in public,” you said a bit hesitantly.

Tom glanced up at you. “What about it? Paparazzi are everywhere in Atlanta now,” he said a bit bitterly, no doubt thinking about the photos that started this whole thing. “If we’re in public together at all, I’m sure they’ll know.”

“I understand. But like...should we have any PDA? Hold hands? People will think we’re close based on those...pictures.” You swallowed and tried not to think about how it felt to have him pressed against you--blurry as the memory was. Both of you were blushing.

“I...it’s whatever you want. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” He shrugged. “We’ll play it by ear.”

“Perfect,” you said. You both lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. “What a mess,” you muttered, half to yourself.

Tom huffed a laugh. “Tell me about it. Marvel and Sony are both up my ass right now.”

“My boss is still pissed. I’ve been doing menial jobs all day. And I had to shadow probably the meanest woman in the place.”

Tom snorted. “Really? That sucks. What do you do, exactly?”

So you described your internship to him. You found yourself getting excited about it as you spoke. You couldn’t help it. You had worked so hard for it, and that hard work had paid off. You tried not to think about how you had almost ruined everything.

Harrison, off the phone now, came back in and took another slice of pizza.

You stared at your own slice. Another thought had come into your mind, another condition of this whole, complicated “relationship.” You weren’t quite sure how to broach the subject, so you adopted Harrison’s tactic and went for the blunt.

“I just want to be really clear, but, um, sex is off the table.”

Both of their heads snapped up. Tom’s face went red. “I--” he started. He cleared his throat. Tried again. “I--I never assumed--”

You bit back a laugh at his expression. What you didn’t say was that this rule came from the night before--because if you’d had more time with him, you almost certainly would have invited yourself back to his place. You wanted to make sure there were no more mistakes.

“Maybe we should write this all down?” Harrison suggested.

You raised your eyebrows. “Like a contract?”

He shrugged. “You could call it that.”

Tom was evidently still recovering from your sex comment. Recovering himself a bit, he said, “I think it’s a good idea. Just so we don’t...screw it up.”

“Alright, let’s make a contract.”

A few minutes later, Harrison had managed to find exactly one piece of paper--the back page of a script--and you dug a pen from your purse.

“Alright, so--do things in public, that’s number one,” you said as Harrison began to write.

“No sex,” Tom casually repeated, though his ears turned pink.

“PDA in public is probably necessary,” you added. Harrison hurried to keep up.

“And we shouldn’t let anyone else in on the secret,” Tom said. Then, hurriedly, “Unless you already--?”

“No, no. I haven’t. I agree with that. We don’t want the wrong person to find out.”

Harrison glanced up and then scribbled that rule, too.

“Um...I guess that’s it?” Tom looked over the list. “Unless you have anything else.”

“We can always add more later?” you suggested, though it sounded like a question. Tom shrugged.

All three of you went quiet. A phone started ringing. Tom stood with a murmured excuse and disappeared down the hall, phone in hand. You were left alone with Harrison. The silence stretched on. You could hear, distantly, Tom’s voice as he talked on the phone. It rose in pitch then quickly quieted again.

You couldn’t sit underneath Harrison’s piercing gaze any longer.

“Um, where’s your bathroom?” you asked awkwardly.

“Down the hall, last door on the right.”

You hurriedly stood and rushed down the hall. You passed a bedroom, where Tom was on the phone. He paid you no mind as you went by. He looked a bit distressed, you noticed.

On your way back, you heard a frustrated groan and a loud thump.

“Fuck,” Tom muttered underneath his breath.

You stopped and stared into the room, where Tom was shaking out his hand. He balled it back up into a fist and punched the wall for what you assumed was the second time.

“Fuck,” he repeated. You started to back away right as he glanced up and saw you.

“Sorry!” you rushed to say. “I didn’t--”

“I--Sorry, I just--” He sighed. His shoulders were tensed up, his knuckles were turning red.

“Is everything...alright?” you asked hesitantly, one foot still poised to walk away. You were definitely imposing on a private moment, but he looked so...lost. He ran shaking fingers through his hair.

“Just have a lot of people on my ass,” he explained. “But they don’t get that I don’t need a reminder that I fucked up.”

“I understand,” you said quietly. “It’s only half your fault, though.” You cracked a smile, hoping to ease the tension.

But Tom said, voice still quiet, “You don’t understand. It’s like--Spider-Man is supposed to be someone for kids to look up to. Peter Parker’s just a kid himself. Not someone who--who goes around snogging in clubs. I basically destroyed that image in one go.” He was breathing heavily now, both his hands fisted once again. “Like--Christ, I posted a picture with a cigar once and my fans lost their shit. This is--this is so much worse.”

You thought his words over. What was it like to have such great pressure on you? You chose your words with care. “That’s why we’re doing this,” you finally said. “Spider-Man’s allowed to make out with his girlfriend at least, right?”

Tom finally gave you a tight smile. “I--I really appreciate this, Y/N. You have no idea.”

“I have some idea,” you said. You walked back to the living room to gather your things, Tom behind you.

“Gone so soon?” Harrison asked as you grabbed your keys. You wondered what, if anything, he’d heard.

“Hoping to beat rush hour,” you said. You cringed internally, but how else were you to explain that you figured they had had enough of you?

Besides, you had a lot of thinking and planning to do.

Something seemed to dawn on Tom. His brown eyes widened and he gently touched your wrist. “You’re not--you aren’t dating anyone, are you?”

You shook your head. “No, are you?”

He shook his head. “Well, at least it won’t be any more complicated than it is already.”

“That’s something,” you agreed. Harrison stood and checked his watch. You caught Tom’s arm. “I’m sorry--I’m sorry that I messed things up for you.”

He gave a smile that came out as more of a grimace. “Like you said, darling, it’s not like you did it alone.”

When you got home, you were too engrossed in your thoughts to notice your parents--both home from work already--waiting for you.

“Y/N,” your father said softly. You froze.

Oh, shit, you thought before he even opened his mouth to say more.

“A..photo...has been brought to our attention. A photo of you,” he continued. “Have you seen it?”

Tag-list

@beardedsteveslut @chasingsuperheroes @spidey-spooked @mendes-holland @thatdivlife @agirlwithpointlessideas@curiouspeterparker @fangirling-all-day-everyday @thefriendlyneighborhoodspidey@augurydemon@mj4president @abunchofsemicoherentwords @gracekeynes@beautifullydisconnected @brideofderfunkenstein@wowspideyholland @punkass-potato @wordsinwinters @star-wars-fangirl @httpjilly @sexy-sea-basss @sherizaraiyah @chinalois @riverdalerebel @staaardustt @sidespidey @johnmurphys-sass @never-surrender-yourself @butterfliesslugswormsandothershi @aelin-firehearts-court @wonderyoung @fandomscombine @madelynmb98

#hotlanta #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fic #tom holland x reader #fake dating trope #harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield fic #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction

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askdawnandvern · 6 years

Text

A Lamb Among Wolves Ch:27

So we've got a long one this week, and this is only really part one of three when it comes to a portion of the story I'm dubbing as "Girls Night". Part two is equally as long, if not longer. And there's a palette cleanse between part 2 and three where we will be dropping in on the boys. There would probably be more portions of boys night, and maybe there still will, but honestly I just want to get through act two of the story and move on already. Even though I know a number of you would like this story, and especially bits like this to go one forever.

My apologies for posting relatively late today, its kind of looking like a hectic week what with Thanksgiving approaching. I spent most of today running all over doing prep for it only to come home and have a bad health issue crop up pretty hard. I don't want to go into details but it's making things a bit harder when I have to force myself to rest because of it. I have things to draw, passages to write, and I can't let it get in the way of that but it does sometimes. I really hope you like this chapter. It was fun to write, and I hope it proves as fun to read. But, lets dive in, this bad boy is long enough as it is without me rambling...

Chapter Twenty Seven: Girls Night: Rule Breakers

"But enough stallin' sis." Ada grinned widely at the ewe. "You gonna spill it or what?"

"She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to!" Vanna said with a huff, her muzzle still flushed with red. "Lay off Ada!"

Dawn hadn't even registered Ada's provoking statement, she had been far too lost in thought over the confirmation that Vanna had indeed broken the Hunter house rule. Vanna, who on all accounts seemed to be the most responsible and rule abiding out of all the Hunter girls, had willingly defied Audrey's wishes. It was simply impossible for the ewe's mind to parse. Dawn was stuck staring at Vanna in shock as the feline's eyes met hers again. Vanna's ears flattened against her head as she shrunk deeper into her shoulders.

"I mean...I um..." Vanna sputtered as the ewe's senses returned, making Dawn aware of the gawking stare she had levied at the tigress. The ewe quickly turned her gaze away, trying to play it off with an awkward cough. "Things happen sometimes, right? We don't need to say anything more!"

"Youse are just tryin to save yer own hide kit kat!" Ada cackled. " If old fluff ball doesn't have to tell, den needa do youse right?"

"No!" Vanna snapped back, drawing a paw over her scalp frantically before slipping back into a more confident posture. The large tigress folded her arms, glowering at the still smugly grinning hyena. "I mean, it's wrong to try to pressure someone into talking about something they aren't comfortable sharing!"

"Vanna's right." That had come from Qali. The petite fox was now curled up at the foot of her bed, clutching a pillow tightly as she eyed the rest of the group. The fox frowned for just a moment as she spoke, letting out a disappointed sigh before her smile suddenly returned.

"That's why we should tell her about when we broke the rule first!" She happily chirped, giving her pillow a tighter squeeze. "That way it will make her way more comfortable about sharing her own story!"

"Now wait a min-"

"That ain't a bad idea Snowball!" Ada cut Vanna off. The hyeness flashed the big cat another smug grin before shifting her attention back to the arctic fox.

"Why don'cha start us off, and we'll go around da room?" Ada added.

Qali's response was an eager one, the diminutive arctic fox stowing her pillow behind her before giving the mattress a few more playful bounces as she clapped her paws together.

"Oh, okay!" The fox chirped happily as she settled back onto her mattress. Resting one paw against her cheek, the vixen placed a finger to her lower lip, tapping it lightly. She seemed to be thinking over just how to begin, rolling her eyes back slightly as she softly 'hmm'd' to herself. While this was going on, Vanna had simply placed her head in her paw, her shoulders slumped in seeming defeat. Dawn wasn't keen on the prospect of retelling the exact details of her own lurid exercise with Vernon in the field, but she would be lying if she said she was uninterested in hearing the other girls own stories, especially Vanna's.

With a sudden snap of a finger, Dawns attention was drawn back to Qali. The vixen was now leaned up to the edge of the bed, both her arms now prone against the mattress as she flashed a wide grin.

"Alright, so this was the last time we were out, back when Trenny first graduated." Qali said. "You remember Dawn, I mentioned it in the truck."

Dawn nodded softly, moving closer to the foot of her bed as she prepared to give the vixen her full attention. Easing around Vanna, the ewe slid up to the edge, sitting herself in much the same way Qali had.

"You mean the first time you met Audrey and Dorian?" Dawn asked in shock.

Qali gave a brisk and energetic nod.

Dawn placed a hoof to her lips to hide her surprised expression. The stories had just gotten started and already it had turned out that the ewe had not been alone when it came to tainting her first official family meeting. Although considering Qali's general personality, the ewe felt that perhaps she shouldn't have been so shocked.

"We had been out here for...hmm..." Qali murmured as she once again brought a claw to her chin, tapping it questioningly. "It had to be two days at most." Qali affirmed with a soft nod.

"Ol' Auddey wanted me and Trenny to help clean out the closet in the boys room." She placed a paw against her cheek. "Move some of the more important stuff out to the barn and yadda, yadda, something." Qali waved her other paw dismissively.

"You mean the room downstairs right?" Dawn asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "The closet that looks like a bomb went off inside of it?"

Qali nodded without missing a beat. "Hee hee, I guess it went back to being a dump pretty quick huh?" Qali chuckled. "But I assure you Trenny had straightened it up."

"Anyway..." The fox continued. "We had just moved a few things out to the barn and Trenny was already in the closet by the time I got back inside." Qali raised a paw. "So I slipped in to the closet after him and closed the door behind me. No big deal, we had been doin' that all day right?" Qali asked.

Dawn nodded slightly despite the fact the question was clearly rhetorical.

"So we get a bunch more boxes together, and we go to carry 'em out." Qali continued.

"So like two for you den squirt?" Ada chuckled.

Qali glared back at the large hyeness briefly. "Yeah, so?" Qali snorted. "They were big boxes!" Qali crossed her arms.

"I'm sure dey were." Ada mocked, rolling her eyes as she teased the vixen.

"Let's see you come down to my families farm and lug around a fifty pound tree before makin' judgements!" Qali snapped. "And those boxes were holding your mates weight lifting set by the way!"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure." Ada said, a clear tone of disinterest lacing her reply as she waved a paw. "Just go on wit da story already."

Qali furrowed her brow before turning her attention back to the group at large. The fox let out an annoyed huff.

"So, anyway..." Qali muttered flashing the large canid one more nasty glare before continuing. "Trenny goes to open the door, and what do you know, it's stuck."

"So you were locked in?" Dawn asked.

"The door doesn't have a lock." Qali corrected. "But the wood frame tends to warp in the summer..." The fox trailed off, tapping a claw to her chin. "At least that's what Auddey told me later."

"So what did you do?" Dawn questioned.

"I tink she made it pretty clear in da beginning what she did. Weren't youse payin' attention?" Ada chuckled.

Dawn shook her head dismissively. " I mean, what did you do to try to get out?"

Qali shrugged. "Everything really." The arctic fox sighed. "Trenny and me tried calling for help, prying it open, everything short of breaking the door down. Mostly because Trenny wasn't keen on the idea of having to pay to replace the door himself." Qali rolled her eyes. "Of course ol' Auddey was out picking up groceries at the time, so we were just going to have to wait it out."

"Lamb sakes..." Dawn murmured quietly.

"And the worst part was that the closet wasn't connected to the house's air vents." Qali groaned. "It was stifling in there, all the built up Summer humidity was locked inside that tiny room."

Dawn grimaced sharply at the thought. Just a few weeks prior to their visit to the Hunter Ranch, the central air conditioning unit in her and Vernon's shared apartment had broken down, and the couple was forced to endure a week at the mercy of the stifling humidity that built up in their rainforest adjacent home. It was torture, although the ewe was grateful that they at least didn't live in Sahara Square. But for an arctic fox, who's fur was thick and built to combat the cold, Dawn could only imagine being subjected to overbearing humidity was that much worse.

"So naturally we ended up stripping down to little more then underwear and over-shirts." Qali giggled. "Well at least I did, Trenton was holding out."

"Probably because he was trying to avoid puttin' himself in a situation that might lead to rutting." Vanna finally spoke, although her response was low and quiet.

"Didn't woik." Ada chuckled.

"So there we were, killing time by playing board games and junk while we prayed for Mama Hunter to get home." Qali continued. " And it was soooo boring..."

"Not a fan of board games I take it?" Dawn asked.

"Not this girl." Qali chirped, pointing a thumb to her pelt. "I like active stuff, like taking walks, swimming, and snow sports especially. I'm an excellent snow boarder!" The fox said proudly. "But musty old board games where you have to sit and take turns and wait a whole bunch practically puts me to sleep."

Ada laughed. " I hear dat."

"So when we started playing cards....well..." Qali grinned widely. "I decided to try to make it interesting." The diminutive foxed waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"O-oh?" Dawn asked, her curiosity peaked despite knowing where the vixen's story was inevitable leading. "How so?"

"Strip poker." Qali giggled.

"Nice." Ada replied with an impish grin.

"And I lost..." Qali added with a mischievous grin of her own.

Dawn placed her hooves over her mouth. "O-ho my." Dawn said, doing her best to suppress her own smile.

"On purpose." Vanna added.

"Of course on purpose!" Qali giggled. "Why else would I want to play?"

Vanna simply rolled her eyes.

"Now I thought you said ya'll were already stripped down to yer undergarments." Malcolm chuckled.

Qali smirked. "It was a short game." The diminutive fox giggled. "He was skeptical of course, but with a worried frown and a playful bat of my eyes I was able to convince him it was just to make him more comfortable. To get him out of that stifling clothing and relax a bit." Qali feigned an innocent expression, flicking a paw lazily. "He thought I just wanted to help, but instead I was out to hustle him." Qali brought her paw to her lips as a blush began to form on her muzzle.

"Ya'll tricked him?" Malcolm said with a quiet laugh. "And how'd ya manage that? I thought ya'll said you didn't care fer parlor games and the like?" The russet wolf raised an eyebrow.

"Just because I don't like them doesn't mean I don't know how to play them!" Qali laughed. "My Dad was a card shark, and he passed that on to me and my sisters." Qali grinned evilly. "I just hadn't told Trenny at the time."

"Ohhh!" Ada cooed knowingly. "Bad foxy."

Qali giggled in response.

"So what happened?" Malcolm pressed, the wolf hiding his grin behind clenched paws.

"Well I was out of clothes, so I had to bet something." Qali cooed. "So I told Trenny if he beat me with his next hand, well..." Qali's smile grew practically cheshiren in size, practically stretching from ear to ear. "Let's just say I told him I'd wrap my muzzle around mount Trenny for a while."

Dawn raised an eyebrow in confusion breifly. "Mount Tre-?" As realization hit the ewe, a deep crimson blush rapidly followed. Qali offered a simply nod in response, as if to further affirm the ewe's conclusion as to just what part of Trenton's body the diminutive fox was hinting at.

"Again, he was totally against it at first." Qali smirked. "But a bit of my best fast talking, some fluttering of the eyelids, and the distracting view that I was going out of my way to show off he caved pretty quickly." The fox snickered. "By the time I was cramming cards into his paws he wasn't putting up much of a fight."

"You naughty goil!" Ada laughed.

"B-but didn't you...?" Dawn cleared her throat awkwardly as her bashfulness strangled her words. "You said you tricked him...y-you hustled him?" Dawn asked.

Qali chuckled. "Well you see..." Qali could barely keep her giggling under control as her own blush deepened. "If I won, Trenny was gonna have to...well do it to me instead."

Dawn let out an 'oohhh' as she placed her hooves over her muzzle.

"Datta goil!" Ada clapped, letting out a barking laugh.

"So he lost the bet then?" Malcolm chuckled.

Qali gave a brisk nod. "And let me tell you, Trenny knows how to work that tongue!" The vixen smacked her lips. "He had me up against the closet door, screaming his name at the top of my lungs while I rode his muzzle!" Qali giggled. "My legs were so tightly wrapped around his head, I'm surprised he didn't pass out!" The fox rolled backwards on her mattress as a giggling fit ensued. Qali kicked her tiny legs as she continued to laugh, taking deep breaths as she tried to compose herself.

Finally seeming to catch her breath, the vixen sat back up. Qali let out a few more weak chuckles as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"It was amazing." Qali cooed. "Until the door opened and the two of us spilled out right in front of Mama Hunter."

Dawn felt herself reflexively cringe at the mere prospect of being in Qali's position. Despite breaking the house rule, at the very least the couple hadn't been found mid-mating by Audrey. She had barely been able to look the she-wolf in the eyes just from her easily deducing what the couple had been up too outside. If Audrey had found them while Vernon's snout was buried in the ewe, Dawn was certain she would never be able to make eye contact with her again.

Ada was the first to bust out laughing, her hyena like cackle loud and uproarious as she rolled on her own mattress. Qali was quick to join the large canid, followed by Malcolm shortly there-after.

"Phew..." Qali said, composing herself once more as the others laughter died away. "Talk about getting caught with you pants down."

Ada let out another sharp laugh. "Good one Snowball!"

Dawn leaned forward, her attention remaining fixed on Qali.

"So what did you do?" Dawn asked nervously.

Qali lolled her shoulders before letting out a tired sigh. " Honestly, I was pretty ashamed." Qali shook her head dismissively. "I was luckly ol' Auddey let me off lightly."

"She told you to go 'think about what ya'll done', right?" Malcom asked.

Qali gave a meek nod. "Yep, and I did. I felt super terrible afterwards, especially because it was mostly my fault."

"It takes two to tango..." Dawn mumbled softly as she chewed at her hooves.

"That's exactly what she said to me!" Qali chirped, pointing a claw Dawn's way as she rolled slightly in her seat, rocking back and forth. "She even called me Ms. Pelagere for a while, like I had lost status with her..."

"Trust..." Dawn added, causing the fox to nod her head in agreement.

"I had like, tarnished her trust in me." Qali sighed. "And it certainly didn't come off as respectful."

"Dat's puttin' it lightly." Ada added with a chuckle.

"It was another two days before we were back to first names." Qali lamented. "And boy did that suck."

"W-what about Trent?" Dawn asked.

Qali chuckled. "Not only did he have to finish cleaning the closet, but he spent the rest of the day organizin' the attic by his lonesome." The vixen shook her head. "No AC up there either, poor Trenny."

"Lamb sakes..." Dawn uttered. Qali more or less had been through the same, if not a worse situation than she had. The fox even had to endure two days more of the She-wolf's cold shoulder. Then again, despite what the diminutive fox expressed, Dawn had a hard time picturing the cheery, excitable fox being significantly down about the affair, at least not for very long. She just seemed far too happy a mammal to let such a thing weigh on her as much as Dawn had. Then again, the ewe had a lot of other guilty feelings weighing on her already before Audrey had come to scold her.

"Yeah, yeah." Ada scoffed. "I'm shure da mook was feelin' real lousy and down when he was wearin' you as a muzzle."

Qali let out a soft giggle which faded away into more of a sorrowful sigh. "I still felt bad though, for Trenny, and for how I made Auddey feel." The fox offered a weak grin. "Auddey's such a sweety, and I hated that I put her in such a position."

"I hear that." Malcolm sighed. "I know I felt the same way when me and Xavey got caught."

"Speakin' of..." Ada grinned. "I'd say you're up 'Buddabuns', unless Kit Kat wants ta go foist?" Ada grinned evilly, her glance shifting back to the massive tigress. Vanna grimaced sharply, turning her head away from Ada as she let out a scoff.

"Aw c'mon Vanna, we're all sisters here." Malcolm paused for a moment, glancing down at himself briefly before offering an awkward smile to the group. "Well, mostly."

Ada and Qali giggled at the pudgy wolf's words.

With a tired groan, Malcolm shifted his body toward the rest of the group, laying on his side. The red wolf leaned his head on paw, while allowing the other to drape over his gut. His paw idly scratching at the baby blue fabric as he let out a comfortable sigh.

"Xavey and I had been an item fer about a year at that point if I remember correctly." Malcolm tapped a claw to his chin as he rolled his eyes. The wolf seemingly trying to recall a more concrete memory. "Yessir', it was just shy of a year!" The wolf declared, returning his paw to it's resting place on his stomach. "By then we had visited a few times, so I knew Momma Hunter purty well by then. But this was the first time we were gonna be spendin' the whole week at the ranch. It was Courtship Day break, so we finally had that kind of time free from work to take a real vacation. And I was really lookin' forward to the holiday festivities."

"Courtship Day ain't supposed ta be for couples like youse!" Ada snarked. "It's supposed to be about gettin' new couples togeddah! Not celebratin' bein' a long term ting." The hyenas shook her head.

"Yeah, Ostara is the holiday for celebrating long term relationships." Qali added, raising an eyebrow curiously. "Right?"

Vanna and Dawn nodded in confirmation.

Malcolm chuckled. "I know that!" The wolf replied. "But I was more so lookin' forward to the town festival, more so the cook-off and bake-off aspects of it!" Malcolm ran a paw though his russet hair. "I was kinda eager to throw down with some of the local chefs, and see what they were made of." The wolf declared proudly. "And gettin to taste a bunch of specialty foods and deserts you can't get most other places was a purty enticin' prospect too." Malcolm ran his tongue across his maw, patting his belly affectionately.

Dawn raised an eyebrow curiously. "I thought you said you two were coming to the ranch for a 'vacation'." The ewe adjusted her glasses slightly. "Participating in a series of cook-offs sounds like a lot of work."

Malcolm laughed. "When yer line of work is also yer favorite hobby, the line between the two gets real blurry." The wolf sighed. " 'Sides, cookin fer contests is a lot less pressure than running a diner. More fun and free wheelin', and ya'll don't have a buncha customers breathin' down yer neck."

Dawn understood where the wolf is coming from, or at least could somewhat understand. While she had yet to publish her first book, writing had always been a fun hobby for her. It was something she freely pursued in her downtime for her own enjoyment from her adolescence onward, and even if she never shared any of those works with those around her, the time spent writing them had never seemed like a waste. Now that she was staring down the barrel of releasing a book for public consumption, she found herself wondering just how she would be able to properly delineate 'work writing' from 'play writing', or if there could be any clear distinction at all from that point on. One thing the ewe was certain of was that even if her writing career ultimately flopped, she would still find herself writing for fun regardless.

"Anyhow..." Malcolm sighed, scratching his belly again. "Once Xavey and I first came out to the Ranch, we had a few days of preppin' before the 'Courtship Festival' opened up officially. So Momma Hunter and I went out and entered in to all the contests we were plannin' on participatin' in, and then we basically spent the whole day in the Kitchen cookin' up a storm." Malcolm chuckled. "We were practicin', honin' our skills and tradin' recipes and tips while Xavey just stood there and watched."

"Why?" Dawn asked. "Xavier didn't want to help?"

Malcolm let out a hard laugh. "Didn't want to? Darlin' he wasn't allowed to!" The russet wolf let out another jovial laugh. "I love my 'Fluffybuns' to death, but that boy can't cook worth a damn." Malcolm shook his head. "If I even let him hold a wisk it'd probly' catch fire, that's how bad he is. When it comes to baking, well that boy is practically the Anti-Crust."

Ada let out a cackle of her own. "Nice pun on dat one 'Buddabuns!'"

Malcolm bowed his head as if bowing for applause in response to Ada before letting out a contented sigh.

"But he didn't want to be alone all day, at least until Pa got back from the precinct. So he stayed and cheered us on." Malcolm smiled warmly.

"So what happened?" Ada smirked. "C'mon, get to da good stuff!" The hyeness said with a sharp snort as she slapped her knee.

"I'm gettin' to it, hold yer horses there city girl!" Malcolm chuckled, pushing his hair away from his eyes.

"Yeah, c'mon!" Qali added. "I haven't heard this one yet!"

Vanna was quick to shush the pair, her eyes were stern and serious as she glared at the hyena and fox until they went silent. Despite Vanna's previous stance on spilling their collective guts when it came to their most intimate moments, the glint behind the tigress' eyes shone with interest as she returned her attention to Malcolm.

Malcolm sighed. "Alright, so we had been baking fer hours at this point. Pies, cakes, pred cuisine, all sorts of goodies."

"The Kitchen must have smelled amazing..." Qali said dreamily as she leaned her head in her paws. The diminutive fox kicked her legs idly as her attention remained on the chubby wolf.

"Yeah, to be a fly on the wall on dat day..." Ada smirked. "For da smells and da show!" Ada chuckled.

Malcolm shook his head, a grin crawling across his muzzle. "Anyway, I remember I wanted to show Momma Hunter how to cook up some 'de-licious' raspberry tortes. They're kind of a staple food fer Courtship Day. But by then, we had pretty much used up all the supplies we'd need to keep cookin'."

Malcolm extended his paw, holding it up as he eyed the group. "So naturally, someone had to pick up more flour, sugar and so on to keep us bakin'" The wolf waved his paw. "And since Ma Hunter doesn't like to let anyone else drive her truck aside from Papa Hunter, she was the one who decided to go get the ingredients we needed."

Malcolm raised an eyebrow, a sly smirk crossing his muzzle. "That left me and Xavey alone to monitor the food that was still cookin'."

"So is that when you two-?"

Malcolm held up a paw, effectively silencing Qali's burgeoning curiosity.

"Now don't get ahead of me Darlin'." Malcolm chuckled. "I'm gettin' there. I promise."

Malcolm let out another groan as he sat up, placing his paws on his knees as he crossed his legs into a seated pose.

"Now, I wanna start off by sayin' the last thing I had on my mind was breakin' the house rule. I wasn't even thinking about sex. I was more concerned about the pies in the oven than anythin' else."

"Sure you was." Ada rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't!" Malcolm affirmed. "Although I can't say fer certain if Xavey didn't either, it certainly didn't seem like he was thinkin' it at the time anyway." Malcolm sighed, drawing his paw through his hair again. "We spent most of the time just talkin' while I kept busy workin' on the food we still had supplies fer."

A mischievous smile crawled across Malcolm's muzzle. "Then, I accidently dropped a spoon I was using." The wolf brought a paw to his chin. "It was covered in batter, and on it's way to the floor it smudged on Xavey's pants before landin' right between his paws."

Qali was already rolling in her seat eagerly as she eyed Malcolm with an intense focus. The arctic fox seemingly giddy with anticipation as she rocked in place.

"I take it prissy pants was none to pleased about the stain?" Ada quirked an eyebrow.

"Oh Xavey was none too pleased. He hates gettin' food on his clothes, even the less than fancy stuff." Malcolm chuckled. "So while he's flippin' his lid, I'm reachin' fer the spoon and cursin' the fact I wasted a good bit a batter that was glopped onto the thing." Malcolm shook his head dismissively. "I finally get a grip on it, and as I'm going to stand up, my muzzle bumps right under Xavey's crotch."

Dawn blushed slightly as she brought her hooves to her muzzle. Despite the fact that she had known where the story had been heading from the get go still did little to prepare her for when the pudgy wolf got to the 'meat' of his story.

"Oh my..." She said quietly. The ewe could pretty much assume where things were going from here.

Malcolm chuckled. "I got the batter from his pants on my snout, but more importantly I got a deep whiff of my 'Fluffybuns' delicious scent." Malcolm's eyelids drooped slightly as he stared off dreamily. "That virile, dusky earthen' scent that sent shivers down my spine."

Dawn gulped slightly as the wolf's description tickled at her memories of her mates own scent. In that moment she couldn't help but picture herself in the same situation, just inches away from Vernon's own wolfhood and drinking deeply of his musk. Dawn shuddered briefly, thanking the gods that although the thought was a stimulating one, at the very least her estrus was dulled enough for the sudden fantasy not to stir up too much agony in her loins.

"At that point Xavey had stopped fussin'." Malcolm continued. "We had both sorta locked eyes, and I could see we were more or less thinkin' the same thing." Malcolm grinned slyly. "Of course I couldn't resist a bit of teasin' first."

"What did you do?" Dawn asked, leaning forward slightly as she bit at her hoof.

Malcom chuckled. "Well, I batted my eyes at my lil' Xavey, and I said 'Aw, I'm sorry about the mess Darlin', how bout I clean ya'll up?'"

"And what did he do?" Qali was quick to ask, the fox now leaning well over the edge of her mattress as she watched the pudgy wolf.

Malcolm rolled his eyes. "My little wordsmith, master of the Animanglish Language, didn't say nothin'." Malcolm shook his head. "He stuttered and stammered a bit before finally givin' me a slow, shaky little pleadin' nod."

Malcolm licked his maw as his grin widened mischievously. "So I lapped that little bit of batter up....and then..." The wolf shook his head. "And then I opened up his pants, and started lappin' at my favorite dessert."

"Right in Audrey's Kitchen?" Dawn asked in shock.

Malcolm simply nodded, the smirk never leaving his muzzle.

"Right in front of the counter. I was down on my knees teasin' that poor boy seven ways to Sunday." Malcolm chuckled. "Xavey was making the cutest noises, he always does when I got him at my mercy like that." The chubby wolf said dreamily. "Like lil' half begs. Dyin' fer me to end his sufferin', but at the same time lovin' the teasin'."

Dawn's blush deepened as the wolf's tawdry tale went on. Even her romp in the corn field hadn't been as risky as what Malcolm and Xavier had done. Short of mating in Audrey's bedroom, the ewe couldn't imagine a more dangerous place to try to sneak in a rut than her Kitchen. At least, up until Vernon had howled the pair had the privacy of the night to more or less shield their deeds. It was unlikely that Audrey would have come looking for them unless they had been out for hours. But her Kitchen was surely asking to be caught.

"Unfortunately..." Malcolm's smile waivered as his ears began to sag. "From where I was...er...handlin' things, I couldn't exactly see the entrance of the Kitchen." Malcolm's voice grew quieter as a blush began to form on his muzzle. "O'course Xavey was in the perfect position' to meet Momma Hunter's eyes when she came back from the store."

Ada hissed as she sucked in a sharp breath. "Ohh..." The hyeness shook her head. "So you didn't know huh?"

Malcolm chuckled weakly. "I felt Xavey suddenly tense up, but I couldn't figure out why..." The pudgy wolf's blush deepened. "And I couldn't exactly ask him with my mouth fulla'...well...y'know..." The wolf trailed of, tapping his fingers together idly.

Malcolm placed his head in his paw. "He had to pull me off and turn my head around before I knew what was happinin'."

"Look's like youse two got caught wit Xavey's pants down!" Ada said, letting out a hyena-like cackle.

Malcolm kept his head down, clearly deeply ashamed of Audrey catching the couple like that. "I was purty much on a full name basis fer the rest of the holiday." Malcolm sighed. "And as fer Xavey, well he was on dish duty fer the rest of the trip. Which considerin' how much we were bakin', well...it was a tall order."

As Malcolm's story sunk in, Dawn was having a hard time deciding which story had been the worse of the two. Each one prominently featured being caught mid-act by Audrey, a fate the ewe mentally held up in her mind as worse than death. More or less the couples had been caught committing the same crime against the house rule, but was catching your son with his girlfriend riding his face better or worse than catching your son on the receiving end of oral? Either way, if there was one thing Dawn could glean from the stories for certain, it was the fact that even if Vernon had successfully limited their escapade in the field to taking care of Dawn's problem, the trouble they faced would have been more or less the same. Despite that Xavier could, from a legal standpoint argue that the house rule only technically mentions rutting, clearly it wouldn't fly in Mother Hunter's courtroom. And that fact was readily apparent in Malcolm's story.

"I just felt so ashamed when Momma Hunter' eyes fell on me. She looked so hurt..." Malcolm sighed. "And when she called me 'Mr. Hackett', it cut me deep."

"I know how that feels..." Dawn murmured, reflecting on how painful it had felt when Audrey had simply referred to her as Ms. Bellwether. Even thinking about it now, despite the fact that she had more or less made amends with the she-wolf, it made her feel just as hollow and sick as when she had first heard it.

"I'll betcha do." Ada said with a smirk. "O'course I don't, cause I'm da only one wit da curtsy and dezenzy to control myself."

Once again Ada reaffirmed that she remained the only Hunter girl not to break the house rule. But it was an idea that Dawn couldn't wrap her head around. While she had no real reason to doubt the hyeness statements, her attitude and the way she carried herself made Ada seem the least likely to care about things like Audrey's house rule, or even what Audrey might think of her. She didn't want to pass judgment, but at the same time she couldn't help feeling like there was no way she was telling the truth.

"I find that kind of hard to believe." Dawn said without thinking, only to quickly bring her hooves to her muzzle. She hadn't meant to let it slip out, but now that she had said it, it hung in the open air awaiting an answer.

Ada cackled. "Well it's tru dere fuzzy butt!" The hyeness flipped her black and white hair out of her eyes. "Whaddya tink I'm some kinda impulsive animal who can't control herself?" Ada raised herself off the mattress slightly as she threw Dawn a sharp glare. "Dat because I look like sum sorta trouble maker I can't follow da rules?"

Ada's tone was sharp and stern, and Dawn was quick to jump to her feet at the sudden accusation. The ewe held her hooves out defensively.

"No! No!" Dawn stammered, terrified that she so easily offended her new sister, especially after what she had done for her earlier in the day. Dawn clasped her hooves together pleadingly as she tried to think of a way to explain herself.

"I mean, I...I didn't-"

Ada let out a hyena-like cackle as she rolled backwards on her bed, kicking her feet slightly as she held her stomach. Dawn simply stood staring in shock and confusion, unsure of what to make of Ada's sudden change in tone as the hyeness managed to right herself. Ada wiped a stray tear from her eye as she tried to stifle her laughter.

"Oh Mam'!" Ada giggled. "I had you goin huh!? Da look on your face was priceless!" The hyeness wiped another stray tear from her eye as she tried to compose herself.

"Ada, that isn't funny." Vanna said tersely, throwing a glare of her own at the hyena.

Ada scoffed. "Ah, you have no sensa humor Kit Kat!" The canid replied, waiving the massive cat off dismissively with a paw. "'Sides I have to razz da newest Hunta goil, it's part of da hazin'!"

Dawn eased back down into her seat, still somewhat confused as she found herself looking back and for the between the tigress and the hyena. Ada was still laughing, but Vanna's cold stare remained rigid and unrelenting, and slowly the smile dissipated from Ada's muzzle. With a harsh and irritated sigh, Ada turned her attention back to the ewe.

"Ugh. Fine." Ada grumbled. " I was just funnin' whicha Fluff Butt, I know I don't really seem da type give a pile of dung about wedder or not I care what mammals tink of me, but I do." Ada rolled her eyes slightly, but her tone remained firms and earnest. "'Specially da Huntas." Ada smiled, but there was a strange sadness behind her eyes. Almost as if admitting that had hurt her to some degree. The ewe felt the desire to press her new sister on what had caused that somber change in her tone, but decided better of it as the hyeness was quick to continue.

"So when I tells ya I swear on my own eyes I never broke da rule, I mean it." Ada grinned confidently.

"It's true." Vanna said with a tired sigh as she turned her attention back to the ewe. "As unlikely as it would seem, Ada is the only one of us here who hasn't..."Vanna closed her eyes briefly, gritting her teeth for a moment before continuing. "Made a bad decision."

"Speakin' of dat..." Ada's grin grew to almost Cheshire like proportions. "I'd say it's your turn Kit Kat."

Vanna quickly turned back to the hyeness, crossing her arms in defiance.

"I'd rather not." Vanna stated simply. "In fact I never agreed to."

"Aw c'mon sis!" Qali chirped. "I'm dying to know!"

Vanna shook her head briskly, opting to remain silent.

Malcolm raised an eyebrow. "C'mon now Sis, it's only fair ain't it?"

Vanna grimaced. "Fair?" The tigress spat. "Nobody forced the two of you to tell those stories. So why should I have to embarrass myself just because the two of you decided to do the same?"

Dawn could see the tigress was growing increasingly irritated. By now Vanna had risen to her feet, walking away from Dawn's bed as she glared at the other members of the group. Her ears flattened tightly against her head as she sneered.

"What a kitten!" Ada snickered.

"I am not!" Vanna spat back, reaching a paw for the pillow on what was presumably her mattress. The large feline lifted it off the bed, clutching it with her paws as she eyed the hyena across from her.

"And whaddya gonna do now?" Ada chuckled. "Gonna belt me wit a pillow?"

Vanna hissed as she glared at the hyeness. "If you don't shut your yap I might ju-"

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Dawn was quick to interject, hoping that she would diffuse the situation. As much as she was intrigued to hear what had happened between Vanna and Zach, the ewe was more keen on avoiding a bedroom brawl breaking out between the two females.

"I-I can understand if I-it's too embarrassing." The ewe frowned, looking at her feet as she stood up on her mattress. "I won't hold it against you." Dawn sighed. "I certainly know the feeling."

The tension seemed to ease as the two sisters turned their attention Dawn's way, Vanna going so far as to let the pillow hang loosely from one paw as she frowned back toward the ewe. But what was even more surprising was that Ada was sporting a frown of her own. The hyeness placed a paw behind her head, scratching awkwardly as she grit her teeth.

"Ah geeze..." Ada whined. "If youse are both gonna be dat way about it, den I don't wanna hold your paws to da fire." Ada crossed her arms. "I was only playin'."

"It's alright." Dawn replied, adjusting her glasses. "Besides, I've decide I..." The ewe trailed off as she struggled to find her words. "Well, I've decided I'm willing to talk about what happened with Vernon and me outside, despite how embarrassed I am in retrospect."

Dawn had surprised herself with her sudden decision. Perhaps it was the fact that Malcolm and Qali had been so willing to open up about their own misdeeds, or Vanna's need to rise to Dawn's defense regardless of what stake she had in it. Or perhaps it was even the fact that when it came down to it, Ada had been more than willing to let her off the hook when it came to telling her tale. But regardless, Dawn felt much more comfortable knowing she was more or less among friends who had been through the same thing, and could even find humor in it. It made the ewe feel confident enough to press forward with her own embarrassing and shameful ordeal.

But Dawn found she wasn't the only one surprised by her statement. Ada was looking back at her in bemused shock, while Qali seemed to be brimming with overwhelming joy. Malcolm too, wore a bemused and playful grin. But the most startled was Vanna, the large and unusually unexpressive tigress' jaw now hanging open in shock as she stared back at Dawn in an almost terrified surprise.

"YES!" Qali chirped, bouncing on her mattress a few times as she held on to the headboard.

"Well look at dat." Ada smirked, crossing her arms again. " Lil' lamb is steppin' up to da plate!"

Ada laid back down onto her mattress, resting her head on a paw as she grinned back expectantly at Dawn.

"Youse got more spunk den I had ya pegged for wools." Ada snickered. With that, the hyeness flicked her free paw in the ewe's direction. "Youse can start when your ready, take ya time sis."

Dawn sat back down on the bed, taking a long sigh as she tried to steel herself for opening up about the debacle in the field. It certainly was not her proudest moment, but she knew confronting it like this was a good way to cope with it. She had learned as much in therapy when it came to recounting and reliving her criminal past. The only way to work through it was to acknowledge and reflect on it, and sometimes sharing it with those you love and trust was the best way to move past it. The ewe took another deep breath as she tried to figure out just where to start her story. Finally settling on what seemed like the most appropriate point, Dawn took a final deep breath.

"Well, as you all are prob-"

"Wait!"

Dawn blinked rapidly in surprise. That had come from Vanna, the large tigress now holding a paw out toward the ewe to signal her to stop.

Vanna sighed harshly, running her free paw down her face as she cursed quietly to herself.

"If you are going to tell your story..." Vanna muttered. "T-then I guess I should at least share mine." Vanna grimaced sharply.

Dawn stared at the tigress in silent confusion for a few moments before managing to find her words again. "V-Vanna, you don't have-"

"No, I do." Vanna sighed. "It would be wrong for everyone else to open up about this stuff, and I'm the only one who stays out of it." Vanna shook her head. "I-I just, I don't like to think about what I did. I'm very...I'm ashamed."

"Hey Sis, relax." Ada said coolly. The hyeness' tone was surprisingly sincere as she eyed the large feline in concern. "If its got ya dat twisted den-"

"No." Vanna sighed, shaking her head dismissively. "I can do it. I can."

With that, the tigress plopped down harshly on to her mattress, causing it to groan under the sudden harsh strain. Vanna placed a paw over her face, looking down at the floor as she began her story.

"Zach and I had been working together for a year before we officially became a couple." Vanna said calmly, her eyes remaining locked to the floor. "But working in the Police Department, and being his partner, well...I saw a lot of the ranch on my off hours."

Vanna slowly eased her way back onto the bed, until she laid flat against it. The big cat was now staring at the ceiling as she rested her head on the pink plaid printed pillow at the head of her bed.

"I was more or less a part of the family by Ma and Pa Hunter's standards. So when Zach and I announced we had become mates, well..." Vanna smirked. "They were overjoyed."

"Aww..." Qali cooed, her grin widening as she rested her head on her paws. The diminutive fox was now hanging off the edge of her bed in the direction of the tigress', watching her intently despite being partially upside-down.

"But that's really only important to note so you have some idea of how long we had been together before..." Vanna shook her head slowly as she let out a terse sigh. "Before the whole incident happened."

Dawn had now creeped up to the foot of her bed, lying prone much like Ada was. The ewe rested a hoof against her cheek as she listened intently. The tone of Vanna's voice clearly told Dawn just how hard the story was for her to share, the wavering and sighing indicative of her mortifying embarrassment. But this only did more to capture Dawn's interest. If the normally stoic and reserved Vanna was so overwhelming ashamed of when she had broken the house rule, especially after Malcolm and Qali had told their own rather lurid and shocking stories, then how much worse could her own tale stand to be? How could anything be worse that getting caught in the act by Mother Hunter?

"This was about a year after we had officially become mates." Vanna continued. "So about two years of knowing Ma and Pa pretty well by the time this happened."

Vanna squeezed the bridge of her muzzle with her fingers. "Long enough for them both to grow to trust me." Vanna allowed her arms to flop lifelessly to her sides. "And I went and soiled that trust."

Vanna's tone was heavy and somber, leaving her statement to bask in deathly silence as soon as it had left her muzzle. The quiet lingered for what seemed like minutes before the tigress suddenly shot up from her bed.

"It was my fault!" Vanna lamented. " It was all on me! I took Auddey's trust and faith in me, and I threw it away in favor of my gnawing, primal urges!" Vanna groaned.

"Hey, dial it back a notch sis'." Ada said with concern. "Look at everyone else here, dey all fell into da same ting. It's like Auddey says, 'takes two to tango.'"

"Yeah, don't be so hard on yerself there Vanna." Malcolm added.

Vanna simply fell back into the mattress again, placing a paw over her face.

"No, it really was my fault." Vanna sighed quietly. "There was no excuse for my behavior. I could have avoided it all so simply, but I chose to do something stupid."

Dawn had heard enough. Based on her experiences with Dr. Gnu, she could easily recognize the obvious signs of a mammal in need of someone to reassure her. This particular incident seemed to weigh heavy on the normally stoic cat's chest, and the ewe knew through experience that having someone close by to help coax her through retelling the story and easing her fears as she worked through each leg of it. Vanna needed someone to lean on now more than ever.

The ewe slid off her bed carefully before scurrying her way over to Vanna's bedside. With only some slight difficulty, Dawn managed to clamber her way up onto the side of the larger mattress frame. As Dawn settled her self in by the large felines side, only then did Vanna seem to notice her presence, raising an eyebrow curiously at the ewe now seated by her side. Dawn did her best to mimic the pose she often saw her therapist sit in, to convey an air of professionalism and concern through sheer body language before speaking.

"It's alright Vanna." Dawn said softly. "I'm sure it wasn't your fault, and even if it was..." Dawn glanced briefly around at the other girls and Malcolm before gesturing a hoof toward them "We're all sisters here. No one is judging you."

That seemed to have been enough to ease the troubled feline somewhat as she slowly laid her head against the pillow once more. With a deep and shuddering sigh, the tigress continued.

"It was around the time of the Harvest Festival." Vanna placed a paw over her face. "Ma Hunter had asked for Zach and my help to clear space in the barn for the corn cobs we'd be picking later that day."

Dawn nodded reassuringly, gesturing for the feline to continue her difficult tale.

"I-It..." Vanna stuttered slightly, taking a moment to clear her throat before continuing. "It had been unseasonably warm that year. A Saharan Summer, at least that was what most mammals call it."

Vanna slowly drew her paw down her face, placing it at her side as she let out another long and tired sigh.

"And well...that sort of....well..." Dawn could hear the tigress audibly gulp. "Kind of trigged an early heat for me..."

Dawn placed a hoof to her muzzle to hide her shock. Of all the motives she had assumed could be the root cause of Vanna and Zach's indiscretion, the last thing she had considered was that the tigress may have been at the mercy of the same forces of nature that she had been enduring just hours before. Vanna seemed far too strong, too composed to imagine her faltering under even the worst a remnant estrus had to offer. And yet here she was, more or less confirming that she has succumbed to the same vice as Dawn.

"Ma Hunter was out, she was picking up supplies." Vanna sighed. "And Pa was at the station." Vanna mumbled, wiping her paw across her eyes. "We were all alone."

Ada was now leaning in almost as far as Qali was, the large hyeness now practically hanging off her mattress.

"Yeah?" Ada's eyes were wide. "And den what?"

"I had been dealing with my estrus all day...and between the late summer heat, and the ache, and the gnawing desire...I just...." Vanna brought a paw up to her mouth, biting down softly on a finger as she struggled to get the words out. Dawn reached a hoof out, placing it on Vanna's shoulder comfortingly. The ewe offered a meek smile.

"You couldn't help yourself?" Dawn asked.

Vanna nodded. "I had an idea...a fool proof plan..."

Dawn had to stifle a giggle from slipping out. In that moment, Vanna had reminded her of Vernon, and his own 'fool proof plan' that had gone so awry. It appeared that the large and seemingly unflappable tigress' had more in common with her brother in-law than she knew.

"What was the plan?" Qali asked, eagerness lacing her tone.

Vanna let out a sorrowful grown, laying the back of her paw across her face.

"I-I was gonna take him in the barn..." Vanna grumbled. "Hold him down and have my way with him right there on the floor."

"Mhh..." Malcolm cooed. "Vanna, you wildcat you."

The tigress let out another groan, and Dawn could see a blush forming on her muzzle. The ewe continued to gingerly pat her shoulder.

"There, there Vanna." Dawn smiled softly. "It's okay."

"I even went so far to plan how to stifle that dumb mutt's howl, even though Ma and Pa were too far away to hear it." Vanna continued.

"How!? How!?" Qali chirped. By now the fox had completely left her mattress, and was now clambering her way on the other side of Vanna's bed. The petite fox now leaned over Vanna, her smile ear to ear as she excitedly awaited an answer.

Vanna let out another groan, covering her face with both paws.

"I...stuffed...mrmr...mrr..." Vanna's words trailed of inaudibly.

"I'm sorry, didn't catch dat." Ada grinned, placing her paw to her ear in the direction of the shrinking tigress.

Vanna replied again, even more quietly, but now there was an edge on her mumbling. As if she was trying to force the words out through pain.

"I'm sorry what?" Ada repeated.

"MY PANTIES!" The tigress snarled, causing the girls to jump in their respective pelts. "I STUFFED MY PANTIES IN HIS MOUTH TO SHUT HIM UP!"

With the tigress' loud and sudden admission, came shock, then horror as Vanna realized just how loud she had revealed her method of muzzling Zach. The tigress quickly covered her face with her paws again, her blush practically glowing despite her attempts at covering it up.

The room remained quiet for what seemed like an eternity, the awkward void created by Vanna's outburst leaving everyone in the room struck dumb. Even Ada, despite her wide smirk, seemed to be biting her tongue if she had any witty remarks bubbling below the surface.

Dawn had covered her face with her hooves. Though the ewe was blushing fiercely, she was more concerned about covering up the slight, shaky smile that was now creeping across her muzzle. Despite how woeful and agonizing the tigress' admission had sounded, the mental image of Zach being choked into silence by the big cat's unmentionables was patently hilarious. Dawn cleared her throat sharply in an effort to shake away the urge to giggle. It took a few hard coughs, but eventually the ewe was able to regain her composure.

"And I take it...?" The ewe trailed off, unable to bring herself to finish her question.

"He didn't even see it coming." Vanna mumbled. "He put down one of the corn buckets, turned around, and I just...I lunged at him."

"Did he fight?" Malcolm asked with a laugh.

Vanna let out a sigh. "Not for very long..." Vanna placed her paw over her face. "Especially when he figured out what was going on."

Qali broke into a giggle fit, giving the somber tigress a playful nudge as she rocked back and forth on the balls of her knees. The diminutive fox was clearly eating up the scandalous nature of Vanna's tawdry tryst. Vanna only mustered another lamenting groan at the arctic fox's gesture.

"Okay, okay..." Qali wheezed, trying to catch her breath as her giggling subsided. "I only have one question for you Kit Kat." The fox said with a wide smile.

Vanna grumbled a soft, inaudible series of words before finally ending in a long, and agonizingly drawn out "Whaaaaat? "

"Did it work?" Qali quirked an eyebrow curiously. "The panty thing?"

Vanna removed her paw, turning to face the eager fox. The tigress stared back at Qali in quiet disbelief, her mouth opening briefly only to close without uttering so much as a single word. Her response however, seemed to had failed to register with Qali, as the vixen was still staring back at Vanna expectantly.

"Well?" Qali added.

Vanna closed her eyes sharply, letting out an irritated huff as she turned back toward Dawn. The tigress' blush had only managed to grow a deeper crimson in response to the curious fox's question. Dawn watched as her grimace deepened, Vanna seemingly straining herself to force an answer out.

"Yes." Vanna said softly.

"Awesome!" Qali responded, rubbing her paws together excitedly. " I wonder if I can make that work with Trenny?" The vixen wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Please, your panties are so tiny he'd probably breade 'em in by accident." Ada said with a chuckle.

The fox seemed to deflate slightly, her ears sagging as a frown crawled across her muzzle. "Aw mam', you're probably right." Qali sighed, flopping down against the bed sheet with a dull 'thwump'. She remained face down, her muzzle buried into the mattress for a moment before slowly raising it back up and leaning it on her paws.

"Maybe I can use my shirt..." The fox quietly mused to herself as her tail lazily flipped from one side to the other.

"Just buy a gag, it's da easiest solution." Ada added with a smirk.

"I'm not walking into one of 'those' stores." Qali whined, raising her eyebrows slightly as she emphasized the word. "Especially back in Fox's Glen! Everyone would know about it!"

"Y'know there is such a thing as shoppin' online Darlin'" Malcolm added with a chuckle.

"I know bu-"

"So I take it Mother Hunter caught you around then?" Dawn cut the vixen off. The ewe knew this story was hard enough for Vanna to get through without it being drawn out by idle chat amongst the Hunter girls. She had made it this far, and Dawn was keen on hearing exactly what ultimately exposed Vanna's misdeed to Audrey. " She walked into the barn and found you like Malcolm and Qali?"

Vanna winced slightly at Dawn's words. The ewe tried to meet her gaze, but the tigress' eyes kept shifting away.

"Nooo...." Vanna mumbled softly.

Dawn quirked an eyebrow in confusion. If Audrey hadn't caught them in the act, and if the crude gag Vanna had come up with had kept Zach's howl from carrying across the farmlands, then how had the She-wolf caught them?

"Was it the smell?" Dawn asked, trying to put together the means which had proven to be the couples undoing. "You didn't shower afterwards and Audrey could smell the pheromones?"

The tigress continued to avert Dawn's gaze as the ewe tried to figure out the mystery. Vanna let out a quiet groan as she shifted away from Dawn. Now laying on her back, the tigress stared up at the ceiling.

"Nooo...." Vanna repeated, even more quietly than before.

Dawn scratched her chin, puzzled. She was out of guesses, and summarily perplexed. If she couldn't guess it, then it might take hours to finally extract the information from the tigress. And unlike Dr.Gnu, Dawn couldn't exactly schedule to pick up the session the following week.

"Oh dis is gonna be juicy." Ada cut the silence with her snarking tone. The hyeness was now leaning on a paw, grinning in the direction of the group now amassed on Vanna's bed. Ada wiggled her eyebrow playfully. "C'mon kitty, it'll make ya feel betta. Just let it out already!"

Vanna let out another groan, placing her paws over her face and letting out a mournful snarl before allowing them to fall to her sides. The large feline took a long, deep breath before letting out a long sigh.

"I...." Vanna said quietly. "I told her."

Dawn blinked in surprise, tilting her head slightly as she tried to parse what the tigress had told her.

"W-what?' Dawn uttered.

"I told Audrey." Vanna whined.

"You told her?" Qali asked.

Vanna suddenly sat up, her sudden movement nearly knocking Dawn and Qali off the bed in the process. The large feline let out a sharp hiss as she placed her paws on top of her head. "YES, I TOLD HER!" Vanna snarled. "I TOLD HER AS SOON AS SHE GOT HOME! I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!"

The tigress turned to Dawn, nearly scaring the ewe out of her wool at the sudden rapid movement. Vanna looked at her with mournful and pleading eyes, her lip quivering slightly as if she were about to start sobbing.

"I went in with my best poker face, doing my best to look as innocent as possible while I helped her unpack groceries." Vanna mumbled. "I was so sure Mother Hunter would see right through me, right through my attempts at deception. But instead, she seemed completely oblivious."

"So whats da problem?" Ada asked. "It was woikin' wasn't it?"

Vanna let out a sorrowful sigh. "She was her usual happy self, and that's what made it worse." Vanna visibly cringed as she continued her tale. "Every smile, every time she called me 'Darlin', it felt like my insides were being torn to shreds with guilt."

"It just got worse and worse until I couldn't take it anymore, I just completely fell apart." Vanna whimpered. "I couldn't bear to look Auddey in the eyes knowing that I was lying to her!" The tigress put her head in her paw. "And when she noticed and asked me what was wrong I just...I just..."

"You couldn't lie." Dawn asked.

"I broke down, falling to my knees and telling her everything!" Vanna slapped a paw over her face, only to slowly drag it down her face as she let out an agonizing groan. "I wrapped my arms around her waist and begged forgiveness!" Vanna began to raise her voice, the tigress becoming increasingly upset. "I was so ashamed of myself!"

Dawn was flabbergasted, only able to watch the tigress in deafened shock as she continued.

"She said 'it takes two to tango' but I know the truth! It was my fault!" Vanna lamented.

"Aw, lighten up pussy cat. Zach coulda-"

"The trailer was only three miles away! We could have easily went home!" Vanna groaned. "But no! I had to have him right there!" The tigress dragged her paw down her face, turning her head to the ceiling as she let out a shuddering sigh.

"I'm a trained officer, and I let my baser urges get the better of me. I caved to my own lurid desires and broken the trust Ma Hunter had put in me." Vanna shook her head. "I never felt so weak and foolish." Vanna's looked down at her paws, her head slumping in defeat.

"Tch, dial it back Kit Kat, don't be so ova dramatic." Ada shook her head. "It's just a rut."

The tigress let out a weary sigh, placing a paw over her eyes once more.

"At the very least Audrey was willing to forgive me for being honest." Vanna sighed. "She still called me Vanna despite how I had clearly broken her trust."

"Aw, no fair!" Qali whined, a pout forming on her muzzle. "What do we have to do to get that kind of treatment?"

"Zach was less fortunate..." Vanna continued, ignoring Qali's objection. "He was forced to finish the barn work on his own."

Vanna let out a weak and shuddering sigh. "But despite what Audrey said, I still felt so badly." Vanna muttered. "That regardless of what she said to try to ease my fears, I still feel like I had damaged the trust between us."

Dawn was shocked to say the least. Through the retelling of her story, Vanna had been the most emotive the ewe had ever seen her. It was amazing how much guilt the felines affair had left weighing on her heart. But considering how kind and accepting Audrey was, it wasn't hard to see why the tigress felt so bad. Dawn had only really known the she-wolf for two whole days, and she had felt sick with guilt over breaking the house rule. But Vanna had gone at least two years of unspoken trust before breaking down and defying Mother Hunter's wishes. Two years of growing close and getting to know each other, getting used to seeing Audrey as her Mother. Despite how preposterous it may have sounded to the other girls, Dawn could see herself just as easily following Vanna's footsteps had she been in her sole-pads.

"I let the heat get the better of me." Vanna sighed. "I should have been stronger."

Dawn placed a hoof on the large felines knee, causing Vanna to look up at the ewe. Dawn offered a warm smile in response.

"You aren't alone Vanna." The lamb sighed. "I let the heat get the better of me too."

"I knew I smelled sumtin' funny on da ride out to da fair!" Ada chimed in, flashing Dawn a smug grin.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Well I think your mate made it more than obvious at breakfast this morning, didn't he?"

Ada grimaced slightly, running a paw through her mane of hair. "Y-yeah, sorry about dat Fluff." Ada muttered. "He really shouldn'ta putcha on blast like dat."

Dawn shook her head dismissively. "It's fine, it's all over with anyhow." With that, the ewe turned her attention back to the sullen tigress.

"I should have been stronger too. I should have resisted the urge to rut." Dawn said sadly. "But it was so agonizing, and then...well...Vernon just wanted to help."

"Wait! Wait!" Qali piped up. "Start from the beginning! How'd you get from the picnic to the rutting!?" The fox had now crawled over Vanna's leg, leaning her chest on it as she eyed Dawn expectantly.

Dawn rolled her eyes at the chipper fox, the ewe let out a bemused sigh as she placed her hooves in her lap.

"Well..." Dawn muttered, shaking off the last of her nervous jitters as best as she could before continuing. "First off, I had been dealing with my remnant-estrus all day."

Dawn began to wring her hooves as she recounted the lurid anguish she had spent the day enduring. "Between the hot flashes, the chills...." Dawn bit her lip. "And the burning, unrelenting, gnawing..." Dawn shook her head sharply to keep focused. "sufficed to say on top of everything else that had been going on today I felt absolutely miserable."

"I can imagine." Ada muttered. "One time I had a twelve hower shift at da hospital durin' my heat last year." The hyeness ran a paw through her hair. "I swear I felt so bad I wanted to crawl into one a dem morgue shelves with da rest of da dead guys." Ada said with a chuckle.

"So naturally, on the picnic I was still more or less suffering." Dawn sighed. " I was sweating bullets under my wool, squirming in my seat as I tried to keep from focusing too much on Vernon's....well...body..."

Dawn shook her head softly. "But Vernon already knew what I was going through, and he was worried about me." Dawn rolled her eyes. "And so, he suggested trying something out..."

"Heh Heh." Ada chuckled. "Just like Kit Kat huh?"

Vanna let out another lamenting grumble.

"Well if that was the case we wouldn't have heard Vernon's howl now would we?" Malcolm added.

"The whole point of Vernon's plan was that he'd never...I mean..." Dawn held her hooves out. "He was going to help me out. Just me."

"Ahh..." Malcolm, Ada and Qali said in unison.

"Of course I know now that even if that plan had worked out, it still would have qualified as breaking the house rule if your stories are anything to go by." Dawn gestured to Malcolm and Qali, both of whom nodded in response.

"But Vernon was so worried, he just wanted me to be able to enjoy the rest of the trip." Dawn sighed. "And I wasn't in a strong position to say no to the idea. My estrus was eating away at my brain." Dawn raised a hoof simply to let it flop at her side. " I couldn't think straight, I just wanted an out!"

With that, Dawn looked back up at Vanna, flashing her a sympathetic glance.

"And when it came down to it, I pushed Vernon to....well...finish the job." Dawn said sadly. "Just like you did with Zach."

"I take it he got ya too close, but couldn't work ya over without gettin' in dere huh?" Ada grinned knowingly.

Dawn blushed, covering her muzzle with her hooves. But despite the embarrassment, she found herself smirking slightly. Slowly the ewe managed to nod her head affirming.

"I...I was supposed to hold his muzzle shut..." Dawn mumbled. "But as you can probably tell..."

"That didn't work out so well." Qali said with a giggle.

Dawn sighed. "I just felt so awful afterwards." Dawn shook her head. "I mean everyone heard us. Audrey had heard us. And it was my fault Vernon had howled." Dawn placed her hooves back in her lap.

"When Audrey called me Miss Bellwether, that hurt the most." The ewe lamented. "It felt like a knife had cut me. The feeling that I had ruined the trust I had worked so hard to build over such a foolish thing."

Dawn looked up to Vanna, her eyes shimmering slightly as tears started to well behind her lenses.

"Audrey thought I was stronger than that. And I felt like I should have been." Dawn smiled softly. "Just like you did."

For the first time since Vanna had poured her soul out to the ewe about her time in the barn, a smile began to form on the large cats face. It was a small, furtive smile, but it was clear the ewe had managed to help ease some of her pain.

"And then of course there's Vernon, who's been doing nothing but trying to make sure I have a good time." Dawn sighed, turning her attention back to the group at large. "My faltering just made more trouble for him." The ewe shook her head. "The gods knows he's got enough of that already with Dorian..." Dawn paused, her memories drifting back to thoughts of the study, the stench of brandy and the cruelty of the wolf's words. Dawn shuddered briefly, trying to shoo the painful memory back into hiding.

"And Yuri." Qali added.

"Hey, he ain't dat bad." Ada interjected. That managed to earned a dull stare from the other girls, all aside from Dawn who simply gave the hyeness a curious glare. After a moment, Ada let out a derisive snort.

"Well, not all da time!" She huffed, crossing her arms defensively.

"Still, I don't want to put anything else on Vernon." Dawn continued, bringing the groups attention back to her. "My Puppy Love had more than enough already."

Qali let out a soft, amorous sigh as she smiled widely at Dawn. "You two are so cute together." Qali cooed. "'Puppy Love', 'Honey Lamb'" The fox playfully exaggerated the pet names.

"Yeah, ya'll two see almost as tight as me and Xavey." Malcolm said with a chuckle.

Dawn smiled warmly as she thought of Vernon. Her poor little Puppy Love who was doing everything in his power to try to give her the ultimate North Meadowlands experience. Fighting a battle against his Father that the wolf couldn't know was bound to lose no matter what he did. All for her sake, all to make her feel like a part of the family. To show her that she belonged, that they fit together.

"He's my soulmate." Dawn sighed warmly. "I love him."

Qali let out another adoring sigh.

"When did you know?" She asked.

"Hmm?" Dawn replied.

"When did you know you loved him?" The diminutive fox added. "That he was the one?"

Dawn smiled warmly at the unusually focused fox. Qali was now leaning on her paws as she stared back at the ewe in childlike wonder. Unlike getting the story of what had happened in the cornfield of her chest, this was one story Dawn knew how to tell.

#Zootopia #dawn bellwether #Assistant Mayor Bellwether #fanfiction #furry #fan character #wasted time

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webcricket · 7 years

Text

Catch a Falling Star

Characters: CastielXReader ft. Sam and Dean Winchester, and special guest, Crowley

Word Count: 3331 (Part 8)

A/N: Part 8 of a Soulmate AU mini-series. Oh my…the angst. Rest assured, I plan to stuff the fluffiest damn epilogue ever down my muse’s throat in retaliation to restore the natural balance. The epilogue will be posted on 8/29 to give you all a chance to brine in your own tears catch up on the story.

Summary: What if angels didn’t end up just anywhere when they are banished by sigils…what if sometimes they end up exactly where they need to be? Turns out you are Castiel’s grounding stone, and it’s more complicated than either of you realizes. The Winchesters locate Crowley’s elusive mystery box, and the powerful secret it contains is heartbreaking.

Completed series Masterlist:

webcricket.tumblr.com/post/165166387163/catch-a-falling-star-masterlist

In the end, no words remain. There is no spoken solace to share, nor any valediction to express the unspeakable. No words exist. There is only the merciless march of time – marked by a luminous red-orange summer sun eternally devoured by the horizon – the blotchy orange and purpled hue of lost day bruising the clouds and rippling reflected in the lake in reminiscence of a passionately blazing light forever fated to fade to night.

“It’s time,” Sam murmured softly, apologetically – ever the more tactful brother. He towered, sentinel on the shore, gazing out onto the huddled forms of you and the angel watching the sunset at water’s edge. Fists jammed into his jacket pockets, he futilely sought amongst the lint therein the comfort none of you would find this night.

Sam’s voice reverberated hollowly in Castiel’s heart. To be entirely accurate given the circumstances, what the hunter should have said was, specifically, your time together is ending. The angel made no motion in the slightest to move.

“Castiel,” the name arose a quivering whisper in your throat – the utterance burdened with one last prayerful request: I can’t do this alone. Lend me your strength. Let me lean on you. Hold me up when my legs falter. Take my hand, my brave and beautiful angel, and we will carry each other.

Calloused trembling fingers laced with yours, he clung unfailingly to you.

Rising together, you numbly traversed the winding path to the cottage. Delaying for a moment in the glowing wash of lamp light beneath the porch, you ignored the looming black shades of the brothers within beckoning your haste. Stooping, you plucked a delicate stem of periwinkle, undamaged by the careless tread of demons that morning, from the ground. You secured the blossoming blue bunch of petals in the button hole of the angel’s trench coat and straightened the silken blue striped knot of his tie. Fresh tears stinging your eyes, you gazed into the misty blue ocean of his melancholy aspect.

Dark hair. Trench coat. Handsome. The saddest blue eyes...

The hospital description flitted in your memory. Yet for a time, those eyes had gleamed with shared joy and immeasurable love. Expressively curious, wide in wonderment, dotingly soft, amorously dilated, crinkled in amusement – you longed for anything but this bleak sadness now dimming his expression.

“Y/N, I…” Cas gathered your hands in his, drawing them to rest over his heart. Tears dampening his eyes, he leaned in to kiss your forehead – balanced at the very brink of heartbreak, there was nothing left for him to say.

Dean’s presence on the landing of the porch stair and the single grim nod of his head denoted the rapidly diminishing window of opportunity to complete the ritual.

Lips lingering on your brow, the angel closed his eyes, pleading with the departed sun, with his absent father, with the universe itself, with anyone out there who cared to listen for one more minute.

* * * * *

“That limey little bastard!” Dean roared furiously, slamming a balled fist on the wooden planked table with a sharp crack.

Like Cas, Sam and Dean, having been informed of the demons’ pre-attack dialogue, concluded that the description of the moody boss the demons referred to uncannily applied to a certain self-serving melodramatic King of Hell they collectively loved to hate.

“What I don’t get is why they banished Cas every time we got close?” Sam pondered aloud, brow knotted in thought. “But then at the same time Crowley kept insisting we needed Cas’ help to locate the box.”

“Maybe keeping Cas close was also a handy way of getting rid of him when push came to shove?” Dean speculated.

“That makes sense,” Cas interjected, “Crowley knows banishment is extremely taxing and a convenient way to temporarily dispose of an angel. Each group of demons we encountered was armed with the knowledge and means to subdue my angelic advantage.” Inclining his square jaw toward the failed banishment sigil drawn on the wall, he continued, “The blood they used there is mine. I don’t know how he obtained it, but to go to such extreme lengths, whatever he seeks must be extremely valuable. There is no more powerful method aside from death to dispatch of me. But then why not simply kill me? Why instruct the demons to spare my life?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time he’s exposed a soft spot for one of us,” Sam suggested, rapping his knuckles pointedly on the table.

“Yeah, right. Deep down in that shriveled black heart he’s a real teddy bear,” Dean snorted a laugh, throwing his hands up in the air. “You won’t convince me that him wanting Cas alive is for any reason other than Crowley’s own demented benefit.”

“And what makes him think the box is here anyway?” Sam quirked an inquiring eyebrow, coolly considering the mess of the kitchen. “We must be missing something.”

Padding quietly into the room, eyes red and puffy, you stopped to peer between the openly agitated bearing of Dean and the more reserved brooding of Sam. You had no trouble identifying them as the Winchesters based on Cas’ colorful descriptions. Your focus settled on the sullen form of the seraph slouching against the counter.

“Y/N, you’re awake,” his stature straightened, blue eyes regarding you with concern. Propelling off the counter’s edge, he strode forward to meet you.

Your notice followed the flapping hem of his trench coat, countenance contorting in dread as he avoided stepping in the congealed pool of blood surreally corralled within the spilled flour where hours ago you had stabbed and killed the demon.

Grasping your shoulder, Cas turned you away from the gory reminder and into his calming embrace. Smoothing your hair, palm sliding to reassuringly rub your back, he drew you firmly into his chest. His lips and unshaven chin brushed the sensitive skin of your neck as he spoke, “It’s alright, I’ve got you. The demons are gone. Sam and Dean are here now.”

You shuddered in his encircling arms, spluttering, “Cas, they looked like people. Why did they look like regular people?” You choked on the sickening lump rising in your throat, “She was so…so…human.” In the sum of his existence laid bare to you, Castiel had shown you demons in their true form, as a celestial being perceives them, and they were truly the stuff of nightmares – unmistakably twisted damnable corrupt abominations in no way resembling a human.

Clasping your arms to steady your swaying figure, Cas angled backward to stare earnestly into your anxious features, “Listen to me Y/N, it wasn’t human. Not anymore. Not for a long time.”

Sniffling, you nodded.

“What you did was very brave,” he added. Palms rising to caringly cup your face, he suppressed the desire to admonish the foolishness of your act in the same sentence. He guiltily believed his life wasn’t worth the price you paid in the form of the black mark now marring your soul. Good, evil, accidental, justified – unfortunately the motive for taking a life and the nature of the life taken don’t matter in the accounting of deeds recorded upon the soul.

A tear sprang to life from the corner of your eye to meander jaggedly down your pallid cheek. Brave – it wasn’t the word you would choose. Not brave, you thought, blinking another tear into existence, terrified. Terrified of losing you.

Cas smeared the salty drops across your skin with a sweep of his thumbs. The angel understood better than most that brave and terrified sometimes meant the same thing. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered the gravelly promise, winding his arms securely about you to squeeze you tight. He meant it.

“Well, would you look at the two little lovebirds.” Crowley cooed, stepping forth from an unobserved corner. “Doesn’t it just make you want to spend a carefree sordid afternoon peeling the unsullied flesh off a screaming virgin?” The demon congratulated himself with an extra cocky swagger in his gait at having startled the brothers with his unexpected entrance for the second time in a week. His grin arrogantly stretched even wider at evidently having also astounded the angel. “What? No one else? Humph.”

Dean audibly groaned, “I see you're still on the bird kick.”

Crowley curtly bowed at the elder Winchester – he greatly appreciated Dean’s continued annoyed interest.

Cas spun to protectively shield you with his body, angel blade materializing ready in hand.

“Sammy, I told you if you said his name three times in a row he’d show up,” Dean grumbled.

Sam reflexively reached into his jacket, fingers fondling the handle of the demon blade protruding from an inside pocket.

“Now, now, boys. No need for knives,” Crowley wagged a reproaching finger, “we’re all friends here, aren’t we?” He worryingly caught your eye and winked.

An involuntary tremor wracked your frame as you clung to Cas.

“Try again,” Dean’s lip curled into a snarl.

“Comrades in arms?” Crowley proposed, grin gradually dispersing from his mouth at the unanswered silence. “Business associates then,” he conceded. “And as such, enough with the inane formalities. I’m here to collect my prize as per our arrangement.”

“We haven’t found the box,” Sam sidled sideways, shifting his position so that Crowley was surrounded, forcing the demon to split his watchfulness in three directions. Sam’s statement was the truth. After disposing of the demons, the brothers and the angel had spent the morning combing over every inch and rifling through every nook and cranny of the house and surrounding gardens in search of anything ancient, odd, or eminently powerful – coming up empty handed.

Crowley’s mocking scowl fixed on Dean, “Your brother really is as daft as he looks, isn’t he?”

Sam scoffed at the demon’s turned back.

“There’s nothing here,” Cas growled in defense of Sam, and to draw Crowley’s concentration.

“Isn’t there?” the self-satisfied grin reemerged on Crowley’s mouth. Thrusting his hands idly into his pockets, he elaborated, pacing in a small circle, “You know those age old manuscripts can be actual hell to translate, especially when the author gets a bit self-indulgent writing the more florid narratives.”

Cas’ eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?” he adjusted the grip on his weapon with a deft flick of the wrist to maintain Crowley’s undivided attention. In his periphery, the angel observed Dean retrieve demon trap handcuffs from a pocket and hide them behind his back while Sam masked the tinny clink of the metal chain by pretending to clumsily stumble on some pots and pans strewn on the floor.

Unruffled by the noise, Crowley smirked sinisterly, “Box, container, vessel...human.” He glanced about, unashamedly savoring the range of appalled emotions in your individual reactions to the implication. Composing his gratified sneer into a prim grin, he went on, “Trifling details if you ask my opinion. They’re all created with an empty space on the inside meant to hold something.”

“Human?” Sam darted his eyes in your direction.

“I didn’t know what to expect, not at first. What with the translation troubles and the general ineptitude of my staff,” Crowley pressed his lips thin in contrived remorse, “that’s where you boys came in. Call it outsourcing.” Withdrawing his hands from his pockets, he clasped them somberly behind his back.

“What do we have to do with any of this?” Sam baited.

“You and Foghorn Leghorn over there? Next to nothing. But Chicken Little, your very own sky is falling angel, was the key to everything,” Crowley’s covetous red gaze fell upon you, “to unlocking the limits of her potential.”

Castiel raised his weapon, a surging glow of menacing grace glimmering behind his eyes.

Dean seized the distracting demonstration of power as a chance to leap forward and shackle Crowley’s wrists.

“You Winchesters,” Crowley griped, not bothering to test the restraint, “always such gentlemen.” Sam dragged a chair over and Dean shoved the demon roughly into the seat. Grunting, Crowley quipped, “At least buy a girl dinner first.”

“I don’t understand,” you pulled at Cas’ sleeve, “what does he mean? My potential?”

“Oh darling, you’re the proverbial forbidden fruit,” Crowley purred, “plump, ripe for the picking, and teeming with angelic juices by the seedy smell of it. Your paramour’s father forbade angels to have intimate relations with humans,” he winked provocatively at Cas, “but lover boy here wasn’t thinking with his halo gilded head when he met you, was he?”

“Enough!” Cas growled. Lunging at the demon, he coarsely grabbed a clump of hair in his fist, yanking backward to press the point of the angel blade into the soft pocket of flesh beneath his smugly set jaw. “You’re wrong. The forbidden fruit is a fable. There is no such object in creation.”

“I thought the forbidden fruit was an apple,” Dean kidded.

“No, I think it was a pomegranate,” Sam jibed.

“What’s with the fig leaves then?” Dean rounded an eyebrow, crudely waving in the vicinity of his crotch.

“The angel is right, it was never an object,” Crowley spat through clenched teeth, “it was merely an idea. A seed of thought planted to flourish into fruit to feed temptation and fuel a revolution of sin. But don’t worry, I’m not interested in any of her fleshy bits saturated with your angelic stink. You’re free to keep those. I only want that nurturing organ of life, her heart. The souls I can lead astray with that most forbidden of loves it contains…mmm…”

Eyes aglow, Cas dug the tip of the blade further into the demon’s neck, the piercing of skin producing a rivulet of red.

“Of course, I’m sure any passing resemblance of these lush gardens to Eden are purely coincidental,” Crowley hissed.

“Castiel,” grasping the angel by the elbow to gentle his rage, you bade him look at you, “stop. No more death.”

Cas reluctantly released the victoriously grinning demon.

“Not yet anyway,” you glared at Crowley until his grin faltered. “What makes you so certain I’m this terrible temptation?”

Crowley peered, in turn, into the glowering faces of the Winchesters and wallowed for a second in the wrath simmering within the angel’s aspect before returning his decorously cowed courtesies to you, “Well, there’s the trivial matter of the spell. And then X marks the spot. Or in this case, a tailor-made blood banishment sigil leading directly to a particular angel’s special someone. Conveniently, I knew just the unwitting angel for the job.”

“So you used Cas?” Dean asked, exhaling contemptuously through his nose.

“Hello, have we met?” the demon rolled his beady eyes, “Crowley, King of Hell.”

“Because he was convenient?” Sam reproached.

“Remind me again why you sad sacks of man meat are so surprised?” the demon jeered.

“I say we kill him now and call it a day,” Dean shrugged indifferently.

“What kind of a moron do you take me for?” Crowley barked. “Kill me, and you can expect the whole host of Heaven to come calling when the sun sets.” He smirked, “Call it a dead man’s switch.”

You met Cas’ despondent gaze, a sense of dread pitting your stomach.

“Then we run, hide you two in the bunker until we can figure something out,” Sam suggested.

“And where do you think they’ll go searching first?” Crowley sassed.

“So we make a stand, it’s not like we haven’t kicked angelic ass before,” Dean advocated.

“When they find out their favorite black sheep has been buggering Little Bo Peep, you can bet they won’t be sending in the lowly choir boys to sing his praises,” Crowley countered. “I’m not the only party interested in bending this power to my advantage.”

Gazing resolutely into your angel’s despairing blue eyes, your lips moved without feeling, tongue torpid and thick against the roof of your mouth, the fateful words echoing in your ears like a distant thunder as you spoke, “The spell, can it be reversed?”

“Ay,” Crowley sneered, “there’s the rub.”

“How?” you asked, voice cracking dryly.

Cas’ chin dropped to his chest, stature visibly sinking.

“No,” Dean interceded, his heart aching at the sight of his crestfallen friend, “we’ll find another way.”

Your timorous fingertips ghosted the white-knuckles of the angel’s clinched fist, begging his support with a humble thought. This is bigger than you and I.

Palm opening to accept yours, his desolate gaze slowly lifted to look at the leering demon. Even though he held your hand tight and felt the warmth of your skin on his, he sensed you slipping away. Brave and terrified, he raspingly repeated your question, “How?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Crowley crooned.

The solution was excruciatingly simple – the very same banishment sigil wrought from Castiel’s angelic blood which had delivered him to you would, upon being completed with the nourishing ebb of life flowing in your veins, banish him cruelly from your heart and break the power of the spell.

* * * * *

One final minute. One more loving embrace. One more tearful kiss. One more gentle healing caress of angelic grace to relieve the sting of the knife gashing the pale palm held upturned in wavering hands. One more swim in the unfathomable depths of a watery sea of celestial blue. One more bask in the radiant warmth of a beautiful soul. And one final fond smile exchanged as your bleeding palm sparks upon the sigil to flood the space with blindingly bright white light; because, once upon a time, for a brief while, you belonged to each other. And no one, not on Earth, nor in Heaven or Hell, not anyone in the whole of the universe, can take those cherished minutes from you.

Sam caught you as you slumped slowly to the floor. Ripped from the room and excised raggedly from your heart, Castiel was gone, leaving you alone to tend to your gardens and nurse the nameless aching emptiness haunting your heart that you longed to fill with something beautiful.

The angel stirred at the noisome insistence of the phone vibrating in his pocket, or perhaps it was the rank smell clinging to the general air which roused him. Either way, sitting upright in a sluice of flotsam, he found himself embedded in a steaming pile of garbage on a transport barge slinking, he surmised from the distant New York City skyline, somewhere along the Hudson River. Most likely, he supposed, en route to New Jersey for ultimate disposal. Politely bobbing his chin in apology to the suspiciously squawking sleep-disturbed seagull situated several feet to his left, he squinted at the multiple texts from Dean:

Where are you?

Why do you own a phone if you never use it?

I’m telling Sam to take you off the family plan when we get home. The concept of unlimited texts is lost on you.

ARE YOU OKAY?

Slime-covered thumbs poised over the screen, the angel considered his reply before typing. He wasn’t certain how he’d come to rest on the barge. His vessel appeared to be physically intact save for a smoldering patch or two of trench coat and riotously refuse tousled hair. His grace was depleted by such a negligible degree that any dip in power went absolutely unnoticed by him. Looking down for visual confirmation of this interpreted fineness, he plucked from his lapel a curious cluster of sweetly fragrant charred cerulean blooms. On objective examination, he deemed himself okay. Yet something indiscernible in the dull beat of his angelic heart gave him the distinctly opposite impression. Glancing around in search of an elusive answer, his regard elevated from the tiny flowers in his grasp to the gloomy rain-threatening clouds above. He caught sight of the dying glimmer of a solitary star shining through and then consumed by the thickening haze. Lightning dazzlingly engulfed the sky for an instant in a myriad splendor of violently churning azure and indigo. Fat droplets of cold rain unleashing from the heavens to pelt his upturned face, the angel could not shake the feeling something precious had been lost to him.

Epilogue:

webcricket.tumblr.com/post/164748010895/catch-a-falling-star

#castiel x reader #castiel x you #castiel reader insert #castiel x y/n #castiel series #castiel fluff #castiel angst #castiel fanfic #castielxyou #cas x you #castielxreader #casxreader #castiel #spn reader insert #spn angst #spn series #you x castiel #reader x castiel #cricket writes cas

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