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m0e-ru · 1 year

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what does izanami think about the p4 party members? (preferably listed as individual opinions)

heehee giggles cutely twirling hair kicks feet trips and faceplants on the floor even though i wasnt standing. i will. also take this in context of my au although maybe it wont be so different as to what i think could be in canon

Souji Seta

Guinea pig no. 3. Hope. He’ll change the world, somehow.

Yosuke Hanamura

In all seriousness, Mim’s fascinated of this innate ability to draw people to him, even themself. They read his heart many times and is astounded by his growth. It was surprising to see him open up, after the fact the first time they met him, it was written all over this face that he’d “keep everyone at an arm’s distance.” Now he’s off to save the world, helping the people around him embrace the truth about themselves and inspire hope no matter how little his actions.

He’s their kouhai, and it also amuses them how he does make use of his Personas, if they were using the term right. He has many faces for everything, even if they all seem the same, they can notice the little things he does differently in front of every person. He’s true to himself for sure. To see him awaken to his Persona, even without confronting his Shadow at all, it intrigued them.

He’s… something. They were right when they said he’s a pure disappointment the moment he opens his mouth. But he is what he is, a true to his word adolescent facing his teenage years with enough trauma to count. Maybe they were remorseful his crush died, maybe not. He’s hardworking and does his best to make use of his already perceived (unwilling) class clown stereotype and light up the mood, even if it does make him look bad. They’re fascinated how he technically started this Self-Proclaimed Investigation Team in the first place. Without him… would their guinea pig pursue this truth searching endeavor?

Chie Satonaka

She’s a tough girl who loves her friends, so much she won’t believe she makes use of their dependence on her. But this love and gross morals can coexist. Her love and care was true, anyway. They’re fascinated of her headfirst nature and amused when her blurted out thoughts are actually right. If she had a TV show, what would she’ve hosted… a cooking show? Meat review? Food trip?

Yukiko Amagi

One of the first few Shadows that actually changed a bit of their mindset. Right after coming from stressed high schoolers with stores that stink of alcohol, or women who tied her scarf into a noose and had the whole room reek of that dizzying paint smell, all this girl wanted was… to make a castle, find her prince, and escape to a better place.

Kanji Tatsumi

She’s smart, she’s elegant, she’s funny and her laughter is absolutely delightful. Her humor is something they admit they can’t really pinpoint definitely. She hung up eerie paintings of each other in her budget castle’s hallways and invited them to a legless waltz during sound check. She called them her “queen.”

They thought Shadows were already beautiful enough in their truthful nature, but seeing them accepted by their human selves made them more beautiful. Konohana Sakuya was just that.

A boy who was so unsure of himself when he came and only little less confused when he left, although he seemed a lot stronger by then. “Fortitude,” if they had a word. His skill in textiles and prowess in handiwork were great, they had learned a thing or two from him if they had to admit. Having to maneuver a steamy sauna in a foggy world was its own endeavor, and the pursuit of “manliness” only made things more interesting. What more could humans trouble themselves over?

Rise Kujikawa

Whatever he looked like, he loved his craft. Albeit the society around him making him more shaken up than a soda can, just like all those other children. It’s bad to have those things canned up—“bottled up”? But he confronted himself and became stronger, just like all those other children.

One of the boy’s feats were making a room of fog just for them, amidst the set of his steamy bathhouse. And the handicraft of a teru teru bozu because they resembled one quite closely.

A factory made entertainer with her fair share of issues, but she’s a darling at heart. If only she could have found out who she really was before falling into a multifaceted madness that became a striptease than a maze of mirrors. it would have been funnier. she is just a child.

Naoto Shirogane

So desperate to show herself off, have everyone see her. For who she was? She didn’t know that. To have people figure it out for themselves? But it was them who gave her all these labels that tore her apart. That’s why you shouldn’t make yourself. Not even a name.

Outside of her accommodating work nature, she is an abundance of kindness and energy, keeping everyone together to get a job done. She works hard. just hoping it would be all for good. Having planned a wrap-up party for the greatest manager she’s ever had and for the guests and for the show that was never celebrated.

A child that grew up too fast. Languishing in a playroom and would rather tinker with knickknacks and a toolbox, making contraptions that he hoped could fix him. But it was not all bad as he donned a labcoat a little too big for oneself and practiced a big smile in the mirror with a little laugh along with bit of whimpering and sobbing.

Deciding which posters to hang up and how many driver chips a control board should have. Where the levers and gates go and the lazers and alarms. Passing on a skillful, yet simultaneously childishly crude draft of a machine that needed to be assembled indoors.

“You just need to be yourself” But is that not why they are all here? Why they came into the world from a heart so full of turmoil caused by their world around them?

This child is smart, intuitive, creative and amusing. Having let them experience a proper embrace for once in their time of existence. In character or not, it was a statement, that’s for sure.

Teddie

Why had this Shadow left its world? How had it left its world? How did he become something? Where did that ego come from?

He could not have been much stranger than the one criticizing him. But he was fascinating indeed. Where did his desires come from? The wish for affection his cold home could not offer now that it was void of it. How could he have already grown something inside him? A human, just like those he surrounds himself with.

This entity was so hollow his Shadow was nothing but an empty costume of who he already was. Having already used him to say their piece. Do they regret that though?

#persona 4 spoilers #assk #anon #p4 #gsa sl au #⛽️🌫#sulululat #izanami persona #ゲッー #// this was all the way from august I AM SO SORRY IA MSO SORRY I SWEAR I WAS WRIITNG ON IT. bit by bit. sorry for the inconsistncy #// hi sorry that all my au shit is all cryptic i said i'd talk more about it but nobody can stop me when i start writing bullshit narrative #// WOR;D'S SHITTIEST NARRATOR !!!! me <3 . im sorry #// i can do author's commentary though would you like that <- it think it'd be less comprehensive

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xx-neon · 11 months

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june 12th

i wanted to start writing because i feel like itll help me in some way, ive never really said anything i think or feel. i never really say anything at all.

if for some reason someone who isnt me reads this im sorry. itll be a lot of word vomit and just generally unpleasant so maybe dont read all of it lol. im going to try and not use lol beacuse i do that to lighten the mood.

anyway.

yesterday before i went to work i had this really strange feeling. it was this weird sense of nothingness and everything? i feel like thats how people feel before they die. like a weird calmness. i felt comfortable and okay with everything. so i felt nothing really when i googled if hanging yourself hurts, i have a rope and everything but i just wanted to make sure i wouldnt feel any more pain. in my head i thought it would be kinda like a slap to the face if i wanted to kill myself because of the pain and then the last thing i feel is pain ha.

anyway. i got really annoyed when all the results were for the suicide helpline. numbers to call, resources, texting lines everything. i just wanted to know. but then i gave up. as usual.

all day yesterday i was just planning on when id do it. i wanted to pick a good day. i remembered that i have to clean my apartment first, make sure my cat is fed, but then my friends birthday is coming up and i wanted to wish them a happy birthday, and i had plans to hang out with my friend, and then after that i had plans to hang out with another of my friends. i realized maybe im too busy to die and i really didn't want to disappoint anyone. so i just gave up on that thought. (i did see my friends i was supposed to see yesterday, and this guy bought my food and drinks which has never happened before which was really nice)

idk how i got here honestly. ive tried suicide before but obviously im writing so that didnt work. but before was different. i just went for it. i didnt think about it. i didnt plan anything i just went 1,2,3 go. i mean, i know how i got here. myself. if i wasnt such a fucking people pleaser maybe I'd have enough balls to be in a better place.

my ex and i officially broke up last week, and thats kinda where it all started. i know it sounds stereotypical but i dont want to die because of the breakup but because of the feelings that came after it. i really wanted to break up. it was my idea in the beginning. but it took him forever to just say “yeah i dont have any feelings so this is it”. it was like my ego took a flip. ive actually have never had someone say that to me. that sounds really uppity i know. but its true. in my head i thought “after all i did for you thats how you end it?”. and i really ruined my life for this guy. i quit my old job i did hate it tho, moved away from my friends and family, he got into an accident so i used all my money to take care of him and had to take off work, drove him everywhere bc he couldnt drive, etc. and what did i get in return? he cheated on me twice, treated me like shit, slammed a door in my face so hard it broke my glasses, tried to hit me. the relationship was so bad all im left with is alcoholism and an eating disorder. so honestly, good riddance.

he left me in a really, really bad place. i have to figure out where to live now since he just up and left. i dont have enough money to live on my own anymore. tbh i dont even want to write about it since it stresses me out so much. so i wont. ive just been drinking and going out to distract myself. not from him but like i said, the feelings that came after it. i want revenge, i want peace, i want him to apologize, i want him to never do this to anyone, and i just want to die. i dont have people to talk to about this stuff, i do but, i dont want to seem like an angry ex. i just want people to see the hurt that ive been through. i just want someone to tell me its going to be okay. that what i feel is normal. that people go through this all the time. i just want comfort.

im sure if i actually told anyone about this theyd be like “but you have me!! you have your family!! you have people who care about you!!”. and yeah i do. but when youre so far down a hole, you dont see the light at the top, just darkness. and probably dirt lol.

i cried for the first time today. since all of this happened i havent cried at all. my chest has been hurting so much since ive been holding it in. but the reason i started crying was kinda dumb. one of my old friends found me and reached out. he wanted to see how i was doing and what ive been up to. what was i supposed to say? “hey ive been horrible! just planning my suicide and and stuff ya know” but of course i couldnt say that so i just said ive been good. we caught up for a bit and thats when he said hes getting over a breakup that messed him up. so i took the bait and said yeah me too. he just said if you ever want to talk you can always call or text. so i just said thank you it means a lot and that things can only get better i guess. and idk why but thats when i started crying. he said

“theres so much good to come”

its so dumb but i felt like those words were just a giant warm blanket. especially with the head space that im in. obviously i could hear that from anyone. but hearing it from someone i haven't talked to in like 4 years meant so much more.

there are so many people who care about me. ive just been stuck dealing with my ex and only caring about what he had to think or feel. he never really cared about me like these people do. theyre concerned about me. they tell me to eat, they tell me theyre worried about my drinking, they dont want me to be out alone, they want to make sure im okay.

so fuck my ex. fuck him and anyone who thinks hes a good person. hes such a manipulative piece of shit. no one really knows what ive been through. no one knows how hes left me. no one knows about the cheating. no one knows about the abuse. they know nothing. im sure hes talked about me. im sure hes told them how i have a hard time showing feelings. im sure hes told them.. i dont even know. hes probably pulled something out of his ass. and they probably feel so bad for him. i hope they do. and i hope one day they feel just as stupid as i do.

i just had to get my anger out.

but my friend is right i think. maybe there is good to come. ive decided to stick around to find out.

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soft-boi-eli · 3 years

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OMG CAN I REQUEST CC!PHILZA INTRODUCING HIS ADOPTED EMO CHILD TO THE REST OF THE SBI/DSMP

Gender neutral pls they/them

Of course! I've been having a bit of shortages on ideas. So this is so fucking welcomed.

Anyways

Father CC!Philza x Emo! Reader

Pronouns:they/them

Summary:your old parents gave you up as a teen, overflowing you with emotions, causing depression, mood swings, and quite a bit of anxiety. When you got adopted by a man and a lady,both seemingly very kind and understanding. You felt happy. They didnt expect the sleepy bois to come and visit so soon.

Tw:anxiety attacks, mention of depression, loving clothes (not a tw but damn I sometimes miss my old fashion sense.), mention of trauma, swearing!

A huge new family

They dont blame their biological family. They knew that they were being overwhelming. Slowly shifting into a state of mind where fluffy black and colored hair was their favorite. Their outfits became more extravagant and their makeup took a turn for the darker. But they didnt have to put them up for adoption.

About a year in and out of foster families, a few months in an orphanage, then one more foster family. It was official. They were the new child of philza.

Your life got better. Both of them accepted your choice of clothes and makeup, even supported it!

They helped with everything in the first few weeks. Giving you space, letting you know that they were there. But you nor phil knew that three boys were heading down to visit.

So when you answered the door to see three faces demanding philza minecraft and one just looking awkward. They were also changing about him coming and join them you felt panic flood through you. Slamming the door on their face you held near your chest.

Your uneven breathing was heard by your father and he was quick to scoop you away from the door and have kristin answer the door.

He was sitting next to you hand lightly rubbing your shoulder and he guided you through the panic attack. "That's it. In through the nose. Hold it for a few second. Breathe out." His voice was calm.

It took less time to calm you down then you've ever had. "There ya go mate. Just keep breathing." He kept coaching you through you panic attack.

Kristen let the four in with their promise of keeping calm. Your shaking form brought major concern to the two older ones and confusion to the two younger ones. "(Y/n) I want to introduce you to the four behind us. Technoblade, wilbur, tommy, and tubbo. They are really good friends of mine." Nodding lightly you sat there, not wanting to turn because if you did the panic would strike harder. Remembering what happened before you parents left you.

A huge group of people basically shunned your for your choices and didnt want to take you in because 'trash like you' wasnt accepted in the family. But these two were different. Supporting you with your choices. How different were their friends? "Hey I think you shirt is cool! Who's on it?" A slightly hyper voice broke through the silence. " black veil brides." It was quite but a start. "Cool! So their a band right? What kind of songs?" The brown haired teen was trying to communicate with you. "Uhm. Rock." It had started small but you opened up to the teens. They were about you age and they didnt bash what you decided to like. The two older ones hung out with phil and Kristen. You three hung out in your room which was kind of softer then your appearance. It was to reflect a bit deeper into you. Bookshelves, a desk, reading corner, and a bed. Not fully knowing what to put in there.

But you, tommy, and tubbo were almost the best of friends when they had to leave. Techno and Wilbur it took a bit. After the two teens left you had came out of your room, no makeup, hair had all products removed, and your clothes changed from Jean's and a black veiled brides shirt to a black tee shirt, grey sweat pants, with a book in hand.

Before sleeping you just chilled in the living room, reading while basking in the presence of your adoptive parents. You did not expect wilbur and techno to still be there.

Plopping down on the couch next to phil you opened your book and tried to zone out, to get engulfed into the book. Nope. Two sets of eyes just watching you.

"So you like poems?" The book you were reading was a massive collection of poems. Looking up to the two on the couch you nodded lightly.

Looking back down you felt nervous. "Small talk is awkward." Looking up to the brown haired guy with an American accent you nodded. "Same." Once more you looked down at your book. You already had issues focusing but you tried to work though it. "What kind of poems are you favorite?" You sat there for a second. Trying to think of something that catches your attention.

"Mainly ones about trauma. It reminds me I'm not the only one in the word that went through something I have. It just makes it more interesting when I can relate." It was true. Sometimes the poems you liked ring a little to close to home.

"Good choice. It does really intrigue the audience when they can relate." Nodding you closed your book. "Especially when you relate. It's a must for me. Other wise I get turned away from it and just cant focus. But if I like it then I am just dead set on that poem."

You and techno bonded over poems and wilbur brought up some songs. "So what is you song preference?" "Hollywood undead, black veil brides, other then that its random. If I like the song it's in my playlist." With no other preferences with music other then it had to sound good to you there was honestly no judgement for other people's taste in music. There were little treasures from almost all genres.

For a while you talked about poems and songs. It honestly helped you feel safer with them. They didnt care about what you found intriguing. Or why. You even went on a rant and there was no care. They just listened.

But sadly they had to leave. Bit they promised that they would visit more. They were like the brothers you never had.

"So I see that you were able to talk to all of them." Nodding to your father figure you smiled "they were nice. Honestly. I cant wait to see them again."

He found joy in you wanting to hang out with his friends/technically children too.

Now meet the rest of the dream smp. It was very fast. Meeting almost all of them at the same time.

Phil was streaming and no one except for the sleepy bois knew about you. So you walked into his stream, book in hand and sat on the couch behind his set up. You liked having another person on the room. You just hated being alone. It gave you really bad thoughts. "Who's that behind you phil?" A random donation read out. Phil looking behind himself saw you in the corner reading and you normally did. "Ah that's my child. They like to have company. So sometimes they come in here to read." "Wait you have a child?! Since when?" The voice made you jump. Your book fell out of your hands and you looked at your father's screen. A green man with a weird white blob for a skin on minecraft. "Yeah. I took a break to pick them up from the orphanage." All hell broke loose. You ran while phil answered questions. You were not dealing with that. No way. Nuh uh. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Not today satan. It took phil bribing you with a trip to hot topic to get you to come back in. I mean hey you get to score a few shirts and hats. Might as well.

Meeting the server wasbt too bad. But the questions were weird. You didnt answer the ones you were uncomfortable about and they didnt care. Your boundries were up. And when tommy, tubbo, willbur, and techno revealed they knew of you they were yelled at. It was funny. Watching people say they should of said something. But it resulted in alot of compliments and Phil's chat loving you.

You were now the older sibling of the chat. Why? Cause chat said so.

When you come in from now on the chat is chanting for you. Just "(y/n)!" Over and over.

Your life? Crazy. But it became a bit better after you were living with your new parents. It was heaven.

I'm sorry if its awkward I'm not good at introductions. And I am tis but a sleep deprived human. I need sleep and so do you have a nice day and once more I'm sorry if this isnt up to what you wanted.

#dsmp philza #philza #philza x reader #phliza mcyt #mcyt fluff #mcyt

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theinfernalmemes · 3 years

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I JUST FINISHED CHAIN OF IRON AND IM IN SHOCK HOLY SHIT *MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW*

so let’s describe my thoughts and feelings through the class of memes 🧎🏻‍♀️

RIGHT OKAY THE MATTER OF SHIPS 🛥

JORDELIA:

PLS I WASNT CONVINCED ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP LAST BOOK BUT NOW I AM FOR SURE ONG I WAS INTERNALLY SCREAMING THROUGHOUT THAT LAST BIT WITH GRACE AND MATTHEW UFHEHGK ALSO WHEN THE BRACELET BROKE I SCREAMED ALOUD LIKE YUHHHHHHHH anyways i’m a jordelia shipper most certainly

JESSE AND LUCIE:

MY FAVOURITE SHIP EVER! I WILL DIE ON THE HILL THAT THEIR DYNAMIC IS MOST BEAUTIFUL LIKE PLS THE GHOST AND THE GIRL WHO CAN SEE HIM, FALLING IN LOVE??? THATS WHAT I NEED. THEIR DECLARATIONS OF LOVE ALMOST HAD ME IN TEARS AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON US SEEING HOW JESSE SEES LUCIE OMG TRUE LOVE AT ITS FINEST IVE LOVED THEM SINCE COG AND THAT HAS ONLY INCREASED IMPOSSIBLY

ANNA X ARIADNE / THOMAS X ALASTAIR:

miss clare really said no❤️ to the gays this book, yes we got steamy scenes BUT NOTHING ABOUT THEIR LOVE AND IM STILL SO UPSET ABOUT ANNA AND ALASTAIR DENYING THOMAS AND ARIADNE TO PROTECT THEM LIKE SHUT UPPPPPP JUST TAKE THEM BACK I BEG

GRACE AND CHRISTOPHER:

I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM

their little scene in the carriage last book hooked me in and their time in the lab had me IN LOVE god i live for their dynamic and i want kit to show her what it is to be loved because she truly is misunderstood and now i’m so happy that she broke the mirror with tatiana I WAS LIKE YES BITCH BREAK THAT GLASS

MATTHEW AND SOBRIETY:

when cordelia came up with the condition for his sobriety i was so HAPPY god i love my bb cordelia bringing together one of the most important ships MATTHEW DESERVES HAPPINESS AND SOBRIETY PERIOD. i want him sober before cassie even DARES to give him a love interest so that’s that.

CHARACTERS AND THEIR ARCS:

jess blackthorn the loml:

jesse blackthorn is one of my favourite characters EVER and omg i was in pure shock when the reveal was that he was the killer LIKE BRUH i had a little inkling but i didn’t expect cassie to actually go through with it PLS anyways my best boy is back now and if someone so much as touches a hair on his head i will riot at dawn 😀

james herondale my blind boy:

oh james i do love you. he’s the most thoughtful son of a bitch and i’m so happy that he now knows what it is to feel real love and not the burdened affection he was forced into by the bracelet and tatiana’s madness

christopher lightwood softest boy:

i love my lil science boy and i was so happy when he got to speak to grace without feeling the need to hold back for the sake of others like YES BB GET EXCITED WITHOUT REMORSE YOU DESERVE IT ASF

cordelia and lucie ✨herondale✨:

babes imma need y’all to think for a minute. CORDELIA DONT YOU DARE THINK ABT NOT BECOMING LUCIES PARABATAI LIKE COME ON i also wish cordelia didn’t get so upset about being lillith’s paladin like ik it sucks but they’re here for you <3 and lucie imma need you take a breather DONT GO KILLING URSELF TO PULL A STUNT LIKE THAT AGAIN scary asf omg

honourable mentions:

- alastair sweetie i love you but STOP PULLING THIS SHIT ON THOMAS i get that you don’t wanna be a bad influence or whatever BUT UR DEVELOPMENT IS GOING STRONG SO STRONG LETS NOT STOP NOW

- same goes for grace tbh i’m proud asf for her for saying no to her ABUSER like yes bb you go girl and keep up that development

- when anna cried i was hurting with her omg i just wish she would open herself back up again to ariadne so she could be truly happy

- ariadne my determined little angel pls don’t give up on our bb anna

- thomas ily just trust in alastair and try to win him back ik you can

- MATTHEW PLS PLS PLS LOOK AFTER YOURSELF i would also like you to focus on your sobriety and get over cordelia asap it is in your best interest babe

- charles don’t even dare to fuck up what thomas and alastair have i’m not in the mood, get yourself a parisian boyfriend of sumn

- okay but like eugenia is such a badass like?? give her more scenes pls

ANYWAYS THERES THAT expect some memes momentarily as i’m utterly in love

#the shadowhunter chronicles #the last hours #tlh #chain of iron #chain of iron spoilers #tsc #tlh memes #james herondale #matthew fairchild #cordelia carstairs #lucie herondale #jesse blackthorn #alastair carstairs #grace blackthorn #christopher lightwood #thomas lightwood #jordelia #heronthorn #shadowhunters

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notwrxn · 2 years

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Middle Ground (pt 1???) - Himiko Toga x RP OC (PLATONIC) - 1.4k words - notwrxn

hi! wren here- obvi- anyway. i was doing a rp and l o v e d it, so i got permission and decided to post it- im not gonna promise future parts, but im thinking about it. heres a bit about the plot! :

Toga started to feel used within LOV, not at all cared for, and began to realize that she didnt want anyting to do with either radical side; the heros or villains. so, she simply left. she left to find an in between, a middle ground. and on that middle ground, she discovered a mentor.

The last people she trusted used her, manipulated her, put her in harms way for something she didnt believe in. She thought they were her friends. So why would she trust the stranger standing in front of her?

"That is true, but I find those who've lived longer in this world tend to be more susceptible to its evils. Though, I'm not an exemption of my own philosophy."

She walked through another alley, carrying a small duffel bag containing her my costume and quirk support equipment. No food, no water, only a small emerency supply of blood that was bound to go bad soon. Toga had been wandering for days after leaving the LOV, she was just as hungry and thirsty as she was with them, but now she felt more free, unrestricted. She seemed to have found a rythm in her walking, and had kept at if for hours. Only watching her feet, the hoodie she was wearing interfeared with her periferal vision, but she didnt care. she was confident in her ability to defent herself.

A tall, adult man with unnaturally greyed hair walked down the alleyway facing Toga. He was completely and utterly unreadable from his facial expression. There was nothing that could be used to tell what he was thinking; if he was happy or sad. There was nothing in his eye but concentration and a lack of emotion. And the only thing he was focused on was the blue, stained duffel bag in front of him.

A patch covered the man's right eye. He had a lean build, the one of a man who was constantly in action. Yet, he seemed completely calm and still. That was until he took another step towards Toga.

"What is in that bag?" He asked in a commanding voice. It was as if he wasn't even asking Toga to tell him what was in the bag but was rather telling them to open it up.

She stopped were she stood, only her eyes moving to look up at the man. "Whos asking?" She said with a slight attitude. She thought he looked familiar, but she wasnt in the mood to be her "friendly" self to the stranger, no matter how familiar.

"My name is Kirk Kensei." He responded in a gruff and tired voice.

Despite that, the way he spoke was strangely refined. He still came off as thuggish to most because of his voice and his unbuttoned longcoat making him stand out among the sea of highly-dressed salarymen in Japan. He dressed closer to a westerner or a priest of some kind with his long coat and short cap than any Japanese person.

He changed his expression and tone of voice upon realizing how young Toga was. He assumed she were an older person and suspected her of being a villain.

"But, I'm not here to harm or do anything to you. After all, there's no way someone so young could possibly do something wrong, right?" His tone was genuine. He really did believe in the innocence of the youth and didn't want his belief in their goodness to be broken.

"Youre a stupid man if you believe that, "Kirk", everyone as done something wrong. Age is just a number."

She slowly reached into her hoodie pocket, searching for one of her many knives she keeps for both self defense and her quirk.

Toga had recently learned that even those closest to her could let her down, lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and she was smart enough to know not to trust just anyone who gave off a friendly aura. She didnt trust her judgement about people anymore, no matter how friendly they came off she knew she was always possibly in danger of being played or worse. The last people she trusted used her, manipulated her, put her in harms way for something she didnt believe in. She thought they were her friends. So why would she trust the stranger standing in front of her?

"That is true, but I find those who've lived longer in this world tend to be more susceptible to its evils. Though, I'm not an exemption of my own philosophy."

He saw Toga reach into her pocket. For what, he didn't know, but he already knew what it would most likely be.

Her presence was strange. There was something off about her, and he couldnt be sure of what exactly it was. It reminded him of the first villain he fought.

She gripped the sharp knifes handle with her small, scarred hand. "I think most adults are full of themselves, thinking that they know sooo much more, and have been through soooo much worse. But its not true. And you, old man, sound like one of those arrogant ones." She pulled the knife out, revealing it to her potential enemy, and watched to see the older mans reaction to it.

"A knife? Please, discard that. I still don't see you as my enemy so i ask that you not see me as yours."

Of course, Kirk was always prepared for the worst. He had two straight swords hidden well in his belt that he could use to subdue Toga with. But, that was the worst case scenario for him. He didn't want to harm any unnecessary people.

It truly does remind me of my first encounter, he thought, I was so young and they had charmed me into thinking they were harmless. Then they sunk a dagger into my back.

"I dont think I will." She tightened her grip, as she had both an instant deep trust and distrust in the man she had only met a moment ago. She didnt know why or what to do. She wanted to put the knife away and listen to what he had to say, and at the same time she wanted to bleed him dry in the middle of the dark alleyway.

"For your own safety. Put it away." Kirk wasn't one to say please too much. Sure, he would say it once or twice, but if what he wanted was ignored and he thought he was in the right, he'd just demand it happen.

Yes, they betrayed my trust... I don't know if I should trust this one in front of me. I don't even know her name. But, I still want to give people a chance. I don't see them as inhuman. Not yet. Humans deserve many chances.

Kirk's mind was clear. He was in a state of clarity. Toga made him remember the crucial part of his life that shaped him into what he was now, his origins. It was impossible for him to resist revisiting the thoughts even in such an odd moment.

For being attacked, I couldn't forgive them. I murdered them . My first battle had ended in murder. But, it made me realize that it was impossible to merely contain the societal threats known as villains. My insanity wouldn't allow me to merely forgive everyone in my path.

Feeling extremely conflicted, she put the knife back in her pocket, leaving her hands empty when she took them both out of her pockets. His comment about "her own safety" intrigued her, was he powerful?

"What do you want old man?" She was still 100% on guard, but she loosened up a bit, going from her near battle stance to a more relaxed, slouching form like any other teenager. But she still wasnt up for being her "bubbly" self .

"I simply want to know why you're acting the way you are. That is all. I have nothing to truly gain from talking to you or even potentially helping you."

Of course, he lied. 'Helping' people was extremely cathartic for him. Though he was never upset at his biological parents' deaths at the hands of villains, he was upset because he never got to meet them and understand who they were in the first place.

My insanity did allow me to do one thing though. It let me make the world a better place. I started to remove villains off the street. It took time, but I eventually made my hometown more peaceful because of it. But, that still wasn't enough. I won't be satisfied until I can know I've made all those worthy of happiness happy.

"All im doing is being cautious." She leaned against one of the brick walls creating the alley and finally made eye contact. Maybe if she could intimidate him she could end the conversation. Obviously that wouldnt have worked in the end. She longed to both run away from the man and her past and this city, but she also craved human interaction, even if it was as unfamiliar as this interaction was.

"My name is Toga."

1.4k words

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night-rhea · 3 years

Text

*beginning of second year, at Hogwarts Express*

“-was a lot fun but im really happy to finally return Hogwarts. There is still way too much books i should read this year and i can’t wait to finally start!”

While her friend was still busy with finding -trying to finding- her tie, Rowan continued to talk excitedly. “Penny sent me soooo many letters! Just like how she also sent you- by the way she said she loved the tea you sent her from Turkey but i dont think she loved as much as me- or my mum! Well at first we were shocked because we didn’t know Turks uses hawks to deliver letters and not owls, but then i immediately remembered it can be only you because you told me about it before- anyway, tea. My dad says he is in trouble now because he has to find that tea for mum, again and again, whenever we ran out off- What about Ben? Did he told you about his 'plane' trip? I bet it was so much fun but also scary- OH i almost forgot, did you see Cordell’s new broom? Not that he write anything to me, i learned from Barnaby’s letter -dont you think they are so lucky? I mean they lives so near to each other, while i wasn’t even in same country with you-“

“How could i know about Mr. ‘i-see-you-as-waste-of-time’ Rhea.” Night interrupted her with sharp voice. Blue haired kid was finally holding her tie, started to tie it around her neck as she sat in front of Rowan again. “He never writes me. I learn everything about him from Barny’s letters.”

She might have tied her tie little to tight, but its not her fault that they are talking about something makes her angrier. “Jonathan says- i mean, his father says we-“

“You mean your uncle?”

“His father.” Night insisted. “Says that Cordell is the one who is my true sibling, unlike Ya-Jacob who left me. Well at least Yakup cared about me! All Cordell did was making sure im ‘not troubling our surname’. His surname can kiss my as-“

“He was worried about you…”Khanna smiled like she wanted to soften the mood. “And mad at you. Because you didn’t listen his warning and got in troubl-“

“HE HAD NO RİGHT!”

Night’s voice echoed in compartmant, left a heavy silence behind it for minutes. As girls sit in silence, young Rhea sighed and look at outside from window. This time, her voice was a lot softer. “He wants me to abandon my brother. The only one who ever cared about me in this fucking family. I won’t. I can’t, not when no one else besides me can help him.”

Its not like Night believes Cordell was just being bad person and tries to harm his cousin. No, he is not a person like that, at least if he is still how Night remembers him. Its just, Night wishes he could understand why she had to do this. Why its her who had to do this. Because even if young Rhea doesnt want to admit, she needs her cousins help, or in more accurate way, his support.

“Aren’t you being so hard on him Night? Maybe he was actually just-“

“I don’t wanna keep talking about him Ro.”

Rowan know she cant make Night believe that whatever Cordell did was to only protect her. She wasn’t even sure herself either. But still, Rowan remembers his face very well, when Night returned in torn up robes from Devil’s Snare. She remembers how he rushed to her with Barnaby behind him, not asking what happened but ‘who’ did it. Even if Night thinks it was because he just cared about how could someone dared to attack a Rhea, Rowan thought- felt like it wasnt true. But if you ask Night, Rowan is too emotional to understand Rhea’s.

“Anyway.” Night broke the silence. “ We are not first years anymore. Not everyone will pay attention to us hopefully. Merula will be also busy with bullying first years too, so i think we will be more comfortable this year. Do you think Barnaby will leave Cordell’s side and actually spend time with us? We are his friend, not enemy.”

‘Its not an entirelly different subject but will work, i guess’ Rowan smiled at her own thoughts. “Its actually hard to believe when you and Cordell avoid each other too, angrily. Mostly you.”

“Shut up Ro.”

“Well at least he won’t be there to tease you when you stare at Felix-“

“SHUT UP RO!”

I just had a little scene in my mind and wanted to see if i can writw it or not kdkdjfkkf Everything between Cordell and Night was so tense in first three year, i cant wait to tell more about it~

(she/her pronouns used for Night)

#night rhea #cordell rhea #rowan khanna #hphm rowan #hphm #hogwarts mystery #hphm mc #harry potter hogwarts mystery #harry potter hogwarts game #jacobs sibling #harry potter #hphm jacobs sibling #naz's shit post #my english doesnt wanna work with me so i hope i didnt make any mistake that big enough to make your eyes bleed lol

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ask-the-six-human-souls · 3 years

Note

Don't worry, we get it. With that said, how were Frisk, Papyrus and Undyne going to find the parents of each soul and what was going to happen to them, especially when they were given the objects of the souls?

((Just a disclaimer! This post is probably gonna get pretty long...

•••

Anyway! So, first we'll start off with how Frisk and the gang were going about finding the soul's homes and their parents...

Frisk was the second character to be poofed into the Void (the first being Flowey), and while they were here, I started getting the idea to make the comic since I thought it'd be a neat concept to have Frisk return all the humans belongings to their family!

If you've read the start of Returning The Memories, Frisk looks at this paper for reference a lot. This is because, while they were in the Void, they had asked all the souls either what their home addresses were, or, where they most likely would expect their parents to be. (As you can see, Kaden's has question marks on it...we'll get to that later!)

This is how Frisk knows where the soul's homes are, and what their parent's names are as well. So, all they needed was transportation, which is why Undyne and Papyrus came with them! And, also, Undyne and Papyrus may have helped lighten the mood some, since...this comic was certainly going to have some sad moments ;n;

Anyway, now for how Frisk went about addressing the soul's parents about the sad news/the parents reactions...

•••

Pate's mother's reaction 🎀🗡:

[See these pages of the comic: PG2 PG3 PG4]

Thankfully, Pate's section of the comic was one (and the only one) of the sections I managed to finish! But, I'll summarize Melissa's reaction here, as well:

She felt terribly guilty for how badly she had treated her daughter during the time she was alive...She often criticized Pate about how she looked, or what clothes she wore, and not only that, but Melissa would often ignore Pate because of work, and, well...dates. She also wasn't aware of Pate being bullied, which was also a major part that played in Pate climbing Mt. Ebott.

Seeing her daughter's items...it just brought back all the guilt at once...and, she really wishes she could have treated Pate better...

Matthew's dad's reaction 🧤🧡:

[See this page of the comic: PG5]

So, this is the part where I stopped updating...but, it was pretty much hinted at that Frisk would have to go to a jail in order to visit Matthew's father, Kyle. (They'd be able to talk to him by using one of those glass seperated things they have in jails?? Where you can visit them face to face. Frisk probably would have had to give the Gloves and Bandanna to a guard there, and entrust them on giving Kyle the items once he was out of jail.)

Anyway, after hearing the news about Matthew...Matthew's dad probably would have felt the same as Pate's mother...just, horribly guilty.

He would have put all the blame on himself immediately. (Just like how Matthew had blamed himself for being a horrible person about the whole thing that happened to Pate.)

However, Frisk tells Kyle thats not true. The way Kyle acted may have had somewhat of an impact, but, Matthew chose to climb the moutain on his own because whatever Matthew climbed the mountain for was important to him. Matthew is headstrong, and ultimately, probably would have climbed the mountain either way, even if his dad wasn't a bad influence.

In short, Kyle would have learned a lot when talking to Frisk about these things, and would have decided to make better decisions in his life once he was out of jail.

Amy's parent's reaction 🩰🎶:

So, to explain Amy's parent's reaction, first we have to know why Amy climbed Mt. Ebott. Essentially, her reason for climbing the mountain was to understand if monsters were truly bad, or not...she had been taught for as long as she could remember, that monsters were horrible, and evil...But, she noticed some people still thought that monsters were not all bad, and that them being trapped under Mt. Ebott was a horrible mistake...

Because of this, Amy had become very defiant the last few days before she climbed because she was so blinded by wanting to know the truth about monsters. It was so bad, that she thought her parents were going against her wanting to learn truth whenever they would tell her how dangerous the mountain was, and why she shouldn't explore it. Of course, that didn't stop her...

So, you can only imagine both Amy's mother (Alice) and father's (Jacob) reaction when they hear, and are presented with Amy's belongings...They would have both been horribly sad, thinking that because they were not willing to be strict enough, their daughter had perished...

But, Frisk tries to explain to them, that it wasn't all their fault. Amy was so blinded by wanting to know what was true and right, that she couldn't see what dangers she was putting herself into. Neither could she see that her parents only wanted to protect her...

In the end, with Amy's mindset...the outcome may have not been able to have been helped.

And Amy certainly regrets her decisions as much as her parents regret theirs...

Lucas's grandmother's reaction 📒💜:

Now we get into what would have been the shorter sections of the comic, shorter by some degree, at least...

For context, Lucas and Kaden are the only souls that have a parent/guardian that is dead...and neither of them are really aware of this, except for Lucas, who only assumes that could be the case with his grandmother.

Sadly, his assumption is correct, as only a few years after Lucas had climbed, his grandmother had passed away...

But, she was alive and well before Lucas climbed, and his grandmother (Margaret) influenced Lucas's climb pretty much unknowingly by talking highly of monsters. She remembered hearing about their kindness when she was much younger. However, Lucas heard at school and read books frequently that would say monsters were horrible beasts. This made him extremely conflicted. And, much like Amy, he wanted to know which side was correct. Not to mention, hearing stories that his grandmother told him would always leave him with more questions about monsters than answers.

Margaret was shocked that her actions had such an impact, and was very lonely, sad and worried once she realized Lucas had suddenly disappeared...Lucas had been the only one keeping her company...

I wanted Frisk to see both Lucas and Kaden's dead family members somehow and the only way I thought about doing this was by having Frisk lay the belongings of both Lucas and Kaden by where their family member was buried. So, Frisk had to go to whatever graveyard Margaret was buried, and lay Lucas's glasses and Notebook there...

However, when Frisk did this, I thought that perhaps something similar that happened with Chara would happen. Frisk saw Margaret's ghost by her clinging to their Determination. They either would have exchanged glances, or would have had a short conversation is what I had planned. But, once Frisk left, Margaret would no longer be able to persist as a ghost.

Kaden's grandfather's reaction 🍳💚:

Kaden's situation was different, however, since he had at least one member of his family still alive, and that was his grandfather. But, meeting him would have been easier said than done...

The reason why Kaden has question marks written on his part of the list is because, well...he was not able to remember his home address very well when Frisk asked him. He actually had a hard time remembering a lot of things...but, luckily for Frisk, he managed to remember the name of the hospital his mother stayed in.

While it wasnt a lot of info, Frisk does their best to work around it, and ends up having to visit the hospital Kaden had told them about. The receptionists, or possibly some of the nurses probably would have helped Frisk out, as they would more than likely have any info on Kaden and his family since his mother stayed in that hospital, and died there...

Once they obtain the address, Frisk goes to the home and is greeted by Noah, Kaden's grandfather, who is now the only person living in that home. Frisk breaks the news to him, and has to ask him if theres a graveyard Lily was buried in so they can lay Kaden's items there. Noah is obviously very shocked to hear all of this...but he tells Frisk there is a graveyard and agrees to ride with them, Payrus, and Undyne to give them directions and visit Lily's grave.

They get there, and Frisk and Noah go up to Lily's grave, and...Noah is just, completely distraught....he lost his daughter and nephew in such a short frame of time...its heartbreaking...

Frisk lays the items near the grave, but, again, the same thing happens with Margaret, where Frisk is able to see Lily's ghost, who is persisting via their Determination...She would have also been shocked and sad to know about what happened to Kaden, as...she didn't know he had went through all that suffering, just so that he could have attempted to help her.

Lily and Frisk can only exchange glances, though, since Noah is there, and Noah can't see Lily like Frisk can...

They don't visit for very long, but Noah is at least happy that now Kaden and Lily can be reunited in some kind of way now.

Justin's dad's reaction 💛:

Now, we get to Justin's dad (Adam). However, Frisk has actually encountered Justin's dad quite a few times before. Remember that one Undyne ask that mentioned how she was trying to get hired into the police force, but everytime theyd talk to the sheriff in the village, he'd always decline her? That was Justin's father. So Frisk is familiar with talking to him, to some degree.

Frisk would have gone to the police station in town in order to try and talk to Adam, and, once Frisk managed to come in and talk with him, and breaks the news to him, and shows him his son's belongings...

He was furious.

Monsters killed his son. And yet, now, Frisk is their ambassador. And he has to ask Frisk why they would have ever thought it was a good idea to let monsters, beasts who are not afraid to kill children, free on the Surface.

And Frisk has to do their best to explain to Adam that the monsters were only doing what they thought they could. And humans were doing everything they could. Frisk tells him that they remember the missing children being all over the news before they climbed Mt. Ebott. They wanted to help, and Frisk tells Adam that Justin must have wanted to help, too. But, sadly, monsters weren't being the friendliest when Justin, or Frisk climbed. But they're friendly now. Frisk would have had to explain that they were able to teach monsters that, even though humans did them wrong, acting out of rage wouldn't solve anything. Because of Frisk, monsters want humans to forgive them of the past, they just want to move on, and they want things to be peaceful, like they had been.

Adam remembers getting into multiple arguments with Justin about the search, and he remembers how desperately Justin wanted to help find those missing kids, and, he realizes that Frisk has a point...that Frisk and his son just wanted to do the only thing they could to help, and because of humans, monsters had to resort to violence...

He regrets having treated his son in a way that made him feel like a child, when, in the end, he could have been super helpful...perhaps if Adam would have thought through things more, and hadn't been so strict and angry, his son would have still lived...

In the end, Frisk teaches Adam to accept these new changes with monsters, and to realize that sometimes, being too strict can lead to bad things. That he needs a balance.

And, to add more to this happy ending, Adam decides to think about letting Undyne into the police force. :)

(Bonus) Chara encounter ❤:

So, I also thought about having Frisk climb back up Mt. Ebott, and summon Chara so that they could talk to each other. Chara is also considered one of the fallen humans, after all.

Frisk would have first apologized to Chara. (because, by this point, they had already done a Genocide route once, and they know that was a horrible experience for Chara to go through.) Chara, of course, begrudgingly excepts their apology...and Frisk would have promised to not RESET anymore.

Then, it would only make sense for Frisk to ask Chara about their parents. They would have explained what they had been doing with the other soul's items, and would have said that Chara deserves for their items to be with someone they care a lot about. However...Chara doesn't go into too much detail, but tells Frisk that they dont want the items going back to their real parents. They want Frisk to return their items to the Underground, where Chara thinks they belong since that is what they think their true home was.

So, Frisk would have ended up throwing the Locket and Dagger back into the Underground, and just like that, they would have returned every one of the human's items! :)

•••

So, that was my entire plan for each section of the comic! I just felt like it would have taken a long time for me to finish, and wouldn't have been as short as I orginally thought, it was just an overwhelming amount of work that I wasn't expecting. :(

But, still! At least I can share the plans I had this way! Feel free to ask more questions about the comic or the soul's pasts in general! Its fun to talk about! :)

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 years

Text

“Just a Few Days”

Summary- Bucky x Y/N. Bucky hadnt been home for long, but is sent back out on a mission. You and him decide on how to spend his time home once he gets back. Written for @the--sad--hatter The Weird and The Wonderful- writing challenge. Congrats babes on your milestone! Prompt is written in bold. Smut. Written in the same verse as Changes

Word Count- 3.1k

“You really think you can pin me Barnes?” You taunted the super soldier while the two of you circled the mat, giving him a taunting grin. His movements were almost cat like, slinking along on pads of his bare feet, his hands flexed in a relaxed manner at his side. He knew, you werent easy to catch. Flexible and quick as you were, this morning in the early hours of dawn you managed to pin him easily in the bed. Kisses raining down from your sweet lips to travel down his body as you wrapped your hands around his erection. You had smirked at him then in a similar way you were now.

His sweat pants hid the tensing of muscles, preparing his move. “As long as I stay away from that pretty mouth of yours I can.” You smirk, recalling the blow job you given this morning. Bucky could see you were distracted at his words and he reached for a grasp. Your hand coming up to block his hold and jab out with one of your own, twisting around to his back, you scramble onto his shoulders, a move Nat so nicely shared with you, his head clasped between your thighs, you throw your weight forward, the two of you falling forward. You promptly slap the ground with your arms, and move into a roll. Bucky, prepared for it rolled as well and landed back on his feet to your back.

“You had no problem with my mouth this morning” You huff out and still in the midst of sparring, he wraps his arm around your neck and slams you back to his chest, chuckling near your ear. “I would say my biggest weakness Doll. And check” Hes taunting you again, knowing you always hesitated attacking him. This is your chance to escape or relent the match to him, and you fall back to the age old tried and true. Your foot slamming down in the instep of his leg, and elbow sharply jarring back into his abdomen.

An oof backed him up, and you spun around to see Bucky grinning at you and rubbing where your elbow clipped him. “Damn good Y/N, I was hoping you would break loose.” You blush at the compliment, and move over to him, placing your hand where you got him. “Im sorry, I know you say to attack fully, but I still feel guilty about it.Doesnt hurt right?” Silly question you know, but still....

“I know you do Doll, and no. More of a surprise then anything, ive had worst.” His arm slung over your shoulder and he kissed your forehead just as Sam entered the ring, carrying a tablet with him. You get a sinking feeling, you know what it means.

“You two call that foreplay? take it to your room.” Sam joked and Bucky muttered a “shut up Wilson, what you got?”

“Listen I know you just got back, but this is an in and out case, and Steve figured you would want in on this one.” You glance over the details, a hydra base, an old one. From the notes it claimed Bucky might have been associated with its operation back in the day and might still be in semi activity now. Your hand rubs against his back when you feel him stiffen at your side, knowing he just saw the same information you had. “How long will we be gone?” you noted a hint of weariness in his voice, hesitation.

“Couple days, few at best. Were gonna be headed out in an hour.”

Of course they were.

Little later, you and Bucky are getting ready for your goodbyes, so soon, you hated it since he had just gotten back. “Hey Doll, just a couple days. When I get back, Im taking a few weeks, screw ‘em all. Me and you will get out of here. Wherever we want to go.” Bucky did his best to bring a smile back to your face.

You brighten much to his relief at the suggestion, nodding” I would really like that.” a mischievous glint shines in your eyes and you lower your voice in a tease as you glance over his shoulder to where Steve is getting on the jet. “Can we just go on the road without telling anyone and call Steve to tell him were MIA for a while?”

Bucky laughs and nods, tilting your chin up to place a teasing deep kiss goodbye on it. “We can although Steve rather likes rebellion. You might get a better reaction out of Tony. I will see you in a few days doll, I love you.”

“Love you to Sargent, I will see you when you come home.”

He turned to walk away, a glance over his shoulder showed you flashing him a smile and a little wave, the lights behind you shimmering around your form in a silhouette. It would be one of the moments he would think back on later. Sam said its just a couple days.

Turns out Sam is a god damn liar.

What was one base turned into following leads to others still functioning. Flushing them out, chasing another lead, it had been weeks at this point, and to say Bucky wasnt kicking himself for jumping back into it all so soon would be an understatement. At about the third week mark, he had enough of being around the rest of the team on the jet, and set out to camp in the run down base. Setting up his site, he was soon joined by Steve and Sam.

“I dont remember giving yall permission to take up in my space.” Bucky growled, kicking open his sleeping mat, and wishing sorely that it was your bed, with your soft words filling his mind and warm body wrapped around his. Not these two fuckers who thought that this was home as they made themselves all cozy as fuck. Yea, he was in a bad mood. “And you said this was just gonna be for a couple days.” he growled slightly at Sam, who was unaffected by Buckys mood.

“You know how these things go Buck.” Steve said from where he was patching his suit, his large fingers nimble as he threaded the needle and dragged his suit in his lap. “But it will just be a few more days I think. Have you called Y/N today?” HIs friend never looked up from his mending and Bucky went from pissed off to resigned, digging into his gear to find the stark phone Tony gave all of you. “No... but I am.”

Leaving the two of them behind, he stepped out into the night, glancing at the time. It would be mid afternoon for you, you would be busy training recruits with Barton and Romanoff, or in the field, unlike him though, closer to home. How he wished he was there now, he missed you terribly. Regardless, he would leave you a voice message, knowing that it would cheer you up.

“Hey Doll, I miss you like fucking crazy babygirl. I hope things are better at home then here. I cant go into much details, but they basically just have us chasing leads. Steve did say just a few more days...” He snorted a bit, and brushed his hand through his hair in frustration. “Anyways, be sure to have your bag packed, cause the minute I land, were leaving. Well, maybe two. I mean a man has needs after all, and I have missed your sweet lips of yours. Those killer thighs wrapped around me to. Okay... Love you always Beautiful.” Hanging up, he sighed and tilted his head up to look at the full silver moon, making him think of you once more. You loved those aesthetic pictures, the way the stars shimmered around the giant orb, it made him recall looking back at you waving goodbye. Your braid laying over your shoulder and you kept that upbeat look on your face, the lights, they shimmered around you and it made his chest ache for you all over again. Lifting his phone, he snapped a picture.

Over the next week, his message and the picture was what you fell back to, making you smile when you found yourself missing him. Often during the busy meetings where you were busy helping set up recruit schedules, moments training when you wondered what move would he be using on the person in the ring, to lonely nights fading into mornings, where you laid there, trying to find sleep and missing his heavy body enveloping yours in that protective hold of his. This particular night, you were laying in a half slumber when you heard it. The front door click, and then Buckys rough voice remarking on the softer side in case you were sleeping.

“Son of a bitch keys and this dumb ass lock always sticking.”

You hear his voice and grab his henley you discarded on the floor to yank on and race down the hallway to your front room, he dropped his bag on the floor and held open his arms to you that left you giving a squeal of excitement, jumping into his arms. “You bastard I missed you!” you rush your words, wrapping your arm around his neck and kissing him fiercely.

“I couldnt tell” He growled as his hands slid along your bare ass, and squeezed firmly, arching his brows at your naked behind. You grin and nip at his lips, rolling your hips against him in a tease. “I knew you were coming home.”

“Uh huh, sure you did. Its hot your just wearing my shirt. But I want that off in two fucking seconds while you get that cute little ass of yours back to the bedroom.” Releasing you, you fall to the balls of your feet, sprinting back towards the bedroom while discarding the henley, hopping on the bed. Bucky sauntered to the room, shedding clothing as he went along,kicking off boots, yanking off a shirt, ripping pants off his legs. When he entered the bedroom, there you were, kneeling so pretty in the center of the bed, biting the tip of your finger as you watched him, while palming your breasts, teasing yourself just for him. He lastly yanked off his boxers and sure enough, he was aching to have you pinned underneath him, you could tell from the way his erection throbbed.

You beckoned him forward, not that he needed any encouraging as he hovered over you and pushed you back, hard kisses swelling your lips, tongue claiming your mouth and moans he ripped from you. Oh yes, this is what you been missing, his hand tight at your waist as it slid you back to stretch beneath him. Your hands wrapped around his sides to dig into his back and legs bending to grasp his waist between your knees. “You miss me sweet girl?” He asked between nips and kisses down your neck, slipping his hand between your thighs to slip through your slick, and find that sweet little trigger that as soon as he circled around it had you wriggling. It made you want more, and to chase a rush.

“As much as you missed me Sargent” You whine out, rolling your hips up to press into his erection, rocking back and forth against him. His eyes glowered almost dangerously at you, his pupils blown in his arousal, and then his fingers turned a little harder, a little quicker, just to make you tense and wriggle underneath him all pretty like you were. “Your right Doll I have missed you, missed feeling you clutch around me because your so fucking needy for my cock.” He fingers stretched your wet channel, and you cried out his name in a breathless moan, nodding in agreement. “Yes Bucky, fuck yes please. Fuck me... “

He bit on her shoulder in a bruising kiss, and shifted himself to better line up to you.”Since your looking pretty here asking me...” Grasping himself, he slicked his cock between your folds, pressing against your entrance to feel you stretch around him, both of you moaning at the sensation, mouths opened against one another, not in a kiss, but gasps shared. Your nails are driving Bucky wild as they dig almost painfully into his back just to feel you holding on. Shifting your legs to fold over him, you tighten him to sink in further, bottom himself fully in you. “Fuck Doll... this is a perfect home coming.”

You hum underneath him in agreement, pressing your face now into his shoulder and his first thrust to claim you made you whimper his name in that needy way, that urged him to continue, rolling hips to touch you everywhere and you rolled back to meet him. Bucky pulled away enough to ease you away from his shoulder and chained kisses down your collarbone and plumped a breast so that he could claim a nipple that was a tight little bud, the warmth moisture of his mouth making you arch into his mouth, sucking in more and pulling the sensitive skin from his mouth. He was marking you across your breasts, and you were sure at your neck when he claimed that flesh again, tipping your head back into the pillow to give him more room.

“Make sure everyone can see Im yours Sargent.” You pant out, knowing that everyone would see his kisses all over your skin, and what kind of homecoming it was. Shameless you were, letting everyone know that Bucky owned you. His growl vibrated through you, making you giggle softly and then gasp when his next thrust hit you just right, and he lifted his head, eyes shining bright to see your ruined face, jaw popped open, your eyes squeezed shut and crying out when he did it again. Once he felt you start to unravel, he never slowed aiming for that spot, that sweetness that left you crying his name over and over, clutching him as if there was nothing else you were capable of. Just ride it all out.

Bucky grasped your jaw and gave a light shake,to make you look at him. “Your eyes open, I want to see you cum for me.” Your lids flutter open further to try and follow his request, eyes rolling up as you start flexing harder around him. “Thats right Doll, dont keep holding back.” He groaned, licking over your lips, sucking your bottom lip and tangle his tongue around yours. Pining your hips in place to give hard quick thrusts, chasing the start of your orgasm with his own, and your bodies slammed together to rock, you were soft, and he was hard, the two of them folding together in a tangle of limbs. Bucky rolled you two over so you clutched to his chest, milking his cock for everything, and hiding your face in his shoulder, shaking. He jerked a few more slow pumps into you while riding out his own and his hands loosened there hold on your hips, sliding up your side with one hand and down to cup your ass, and keep you pressed in close.

His touch was soothing for you, and you hummed against his shoulder, lifting away enough to look down at him, kissing his lips softly with a grin. “Ahhh, well that was nice. So when you headed out on your next mission?” You teased and he growled, flipping the two of you back over, his kiss less urgent and fierce, this time it was teasing while he dragged down your body. “Your my next mission.”

You were his next mission, several more times that night until early morning.

You happened to waken first, and lifted your head to see his head tipped back and soft snores showed just how tired he was, so you were gentle to shift to the edge of the bed, preparing to get up and make coffee when his arm snaked out, catching you around your hips, sliding you back. Bucky had shifted down enough in bed to nuzzle his head in the softness of your chest, your fingers easing to brush through his hair, and watch him. “Im just going to make us some coffee Sarge.” and he inhaled deeply against your skin, finally lifting his head. “Just a few more minutes here, then I will let you go.”

You werent going to say no to that, and you remained where you were, gentle still as your fingers kept sliding through his hair, spiking it further from the bed head he already had. Finally he shifted into a sit, and went to the bathroom, groaning as he rubbed his face on the way there. Taking that as your cue, you rolled up out of bed to go make that coffee, putting on his shirt once more and a pair of sleep bottoms. Picking up the clothing he had lost through the front room and hallway on your way to the kitchen.You then ditch the pile on the couch, making your way towards the coffee pot, humming happily to yourself.

He finished and put on clean boxers before going to find his clothes from the night before, digging out his phone to check messages. “Hey you are all set to head out later right Doll?” He called as he wandered towards the kitchen where you were nowhere to be found. Looking around, he saw that the back door was halpf open, figuring you went for the fresh air, he stepped out to see you leaning against the railing, watching the sun ease up through the line of pine trees that edged the compound. Bucky went up behind you, and wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his chin against your shoulder watching as well.

“The world seemed to shimmer at the edges.” You lean back into his chest lightly. “Just as the sun came up, its been a while since ive seen that.” Your head tips up and kisses the side of Buckys face, and his hands rub along your hips, tipping to return the gesture, rubbing his chin against your neck and shoulder. It had been a while, but you were his world, and for him, you were always that shimmering outline waving him back home.

“You said something about heading out Buck?”

“Yea Doll.” He smiled happily “Later today, were sneaking out and hitting the road.”

“Lets just go get that coffee, shower, and Im all set to go.”

Sure enough later that day, your leaning against Buckys shoulder and holding up your phone, snapping a picture of you and Bucky, your hair hair whipping around from the open windows, both of you wearing sunglassws with open road showing in the in the background. You sent it to Steve who responded back with a simple text. ‘Dont do anything I wouldnt do you two.’

Telling Bucky, he grinned and put his foot down harder on the gas pedal, putting miles between them and responsibilities.

@p8tn0lish @what-is-your-plan-today @official-and-unstable-satan @that-damn-girl @jtargaryen18 @stardancerluv

#fluffybucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #marvel #soft and fluffy #writing challenge #ambers writing #sweater writes #sebastian stan #sam wilson #steve rogers #smut #bucky smut #soft smut

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randomsevans · 4 years

Text

PAIN OF BEING IN LOVE

Part 2

Chris Evan's x Reader

@jtargaryen18 30 days of chris 2020

summary: following the news of Chris's engagement you find your way back down memory lane . To the finding and first crack in your love for Chris that would only lead to the current pain you are in

The part couple of hours have been a blur ever since Lisa had announced that Chris was getting married to his actress girl friend ,Minka . You feel like your mind was somewhere as your body floated around not releasing what was going on , feeling numb . You dont know how or when but you laid on your bed under the covers in the pitch black . Finally letting the tears fall . You knew this day would come , but it doesnt stop the pain , the constant stabbing in your chest . You always knew loving Chris was bad for you , but you did it anyway, you still do . And you know deep down no matter what the future holds for you or who you have in your life you will love Chris . And you will always love the joy and pain he brings into your life , without anyone knowing, well apart from Scott now . And you know no one , ever , future ,past , present will have the same effect on you as those blue eyes do . You will always love chris , different love no one could ever be able to beat or match or even go higher But you kept it a secret long enough and it will always be . It's not like you expect somewhere down the line you two might end up together, that was never gonna happen . His to good for you , and his sees you as a sister . An Minka is perfect for him in every way . You are happy for him truly getting the life he has always wanted . But that doesnt stop the pain. You cant help but remember to the day you realised you love him and how he could never be yours , you never would allow it .

+++++++++++++++

Flashback

'The dickhead , errrrrrr knew it was too good to be true , I bet his getting a proper kick out of it ' 14 year old you was standing outside the cinema. The movie you were ment to be seeing playing, probably half way through now . Your date never turned put and to be honest your not that disappointed, he seem like an asshole anyway . Your just annoyed he probably thinks it's fun and thinks your crying. (You wouldnt allow your self to cry over something so pathetic in your eyes ) But you can't help on single tear roll down your cheek , this was ment to be your first date . You didnt want to go , you wasnt interested, but Scott kept pushing you to give it a shot. At least one lesson was learnt , dont listen to Scott but it's a lesson you already knew all to well .

To make things worst Scott wasnt picking up his phone . Probably to busy was something stuiped as always . Once you called him the 10th time you started to become stressed . How was you gonna get home ? You felt more teare escape due to the stress .

Scrolling though your contacts you came across Chris . You held your thumb over the name of awhile debating whether to call him or not . He was Scott's older brother ,you didnt want to make a fool of your self and seem like a little girl who cant look after her self but at the same time he said he you ever needed him he was one phone call away .

So that's what you did . With your phone now up to your ear you waited to see if he would answer. 'Hes probably busy with his new girlfriend '

But to your surprise he answered

"Hello "

"Hi " your voice cracked and tears began to run down your cheek at the sound of his voice.

"Y/n are you okay ?" You could hear the panic in his voice , you just let out a loud hiccup as your tried not to cry "... tell me where you are I'll come and get you "

"But ... a... arnt you .u busy ?"

"I'm never to busy for you . Now where are you ?" He demand as you heard on the phone and loud slam you could only assume a door and a seconde later you heard his car engine.

"Umm Chris it's fine, I should of called "

"Sweetheart tell me where you are ,or I swear I'll look on every street in Boston. "

"Umm but "

"Y/n " he warned

"I'm at the cinema 15 minutes away from your and Scott's "

"Okay I'll be there in 5 " he ended the call .

How can he be here in 5 , its 15 minutes away . Unless he is going to speed . He better not. Maybe he already knew where I was . Oh who iam kidding his nee girlfriend probably leaves 5 minutes away .

And with that you waited ,not much else you could do . Your tears died down . Still feel stuipid of crying over something or someone or somewhere you didnt even want to be

As if in a blink of an eye a battered dirt coloured trunk pulled up in front of you . The windows rolled down to show a very conserndier Chris showing lines on his youthful face as he frownd . "Get in " he muttered by in a tone that was not to be argued with . So you step forward hesitant at first but then you remember you did call him . As as you open the car door and I one footed jump into the truck , shuting the door behind you placing your bag in front of you , inbetween your feet as you fiddled with the seat belt .

"So ... " he began " why are stranded at the cinema "

"I was... um "

' Why am so nervous '

"I was ment to be on a date ..." it was then you final met Chris eyes that showed a flash if emotion as if he was almost hurt at the thought of you on a date . But it was probably because you interrupted his own . But you still felt a need to explain as if to avoid hurting his feelings.

"He ..he stood me up.. its not like I even wanted to go it was all Scots idea ." To quickly finished quite nervous as if you did something wronge .

Chris raised an eyebrow "Scotts ha ?" You nodded

"I tried calling him but he didnt pick up "

"So you called me ?" You nodded " so why was you crying if you didnt even want to be on the date ?"

"I was not!" You never like showing your emotions it made you feel weak and you are anything but weak .

"I heard you on the pho..." he chucked trying to lighten the mood

"I was just stress I didn't know how I was gonna get home "

"Well iam here now "

"So can you take me home ?" You questioned

"No !" You were shocked by his sudden answer.

"What ?"

"I'm not taking you home, not yet anyway " he said with his sights smirk .

"So where ?"

"Surprise!" He said starting the engine

"But ... but dont you have to get back to your girlfriend?"

"Pfff girlfriend?" He looked confused.

"Yeah Scott said you had a girlfriend "

"You shouldn't listen to Scott "

"I know that " you giggled now looking out the widow watching the world pass away. Unaware of certain blue eyes keep glancing at you with a smile only for you .

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

" you didn't have to do this you know " said while manching on your fries in a dinner Chris brought you to .

" I did !" He agreed with a mouth full of his burger ." I couldn't make you go home with a frown " he said with his mouth. You blush at his words but disgusted by his manners .

Throughing a scrunched up napkin you giggled playfully " dont speak you your mouth full "

He raised an eyebrow and smirked a little sorry .

"Why do you care anyway , why do this just to make me smile " you giggled certainly in a better mood , his blue eyes stared into your in awe and a quite mutter you just about heard " if only you knew " but you swear you heard him wrong some you moved on to your next question . As those also familiar butterflys return to your stomach when ever your around Chris .

" So is that your job to make me smile " you ask while putting another frie or two in your mouth .

"Among other thing "

"Like ..?" Your curiosity getting the better of you .

" Give me the punks name ? " he glared at you but still in a soft manner as if to tell you his anger wasnt towards you

" what ?"

" the idiot who stood you up I want his name " he demanded as if a man on a misson .

"Why? "

"Because he made a mistake standing you up "

"And whys that ?"

Because he stood up the best girl in Boston, I know I wouldnt if I was him" the last part came out a bit shaky and quite .

"It doesn't matter anyway " you felt the butterflies raise to your chest as your heart began to faster .

"Because it does "

You couldn't argue anymore , abit scared by his tone you gave him the boys name . But you were still under the spell of his blue eyes . And it was at that moment everything your mother said as a child when you ask about love , princess and prince, clicked in your head . She expain how the flurry feeling never goes away as their around, how theirs a smile on your face always. And how their a feeling. A feeling only there can make you feel . It was at this moment you realised

Holy shit I'm in love with Chris

As you stared at those blue eyes surrounding a 17 year old Chris you knew you always had a little crush on him . You were pretty sure half of the girls in school did . But it never accrued to you just how far those feelings ran .

"Why do you care ?" You titled your head .

"Because your Scotte best friend " he smirked with yet another mout h full of his burger. You giggled at his terrible manners .knowing full well he was doing it because he knew it annoyed you .

And it was in this moment you knew

'He will never be your y/n and keep it that way to keep both Scott and Chris in your life '

You put on a small smile , as the first crack appeared on you new found love for Chris that will forever be on you heart . If only you knew it would be the first of many. Leading to the one big hole you feel currently. But that's the pain of being in love

#captain america #chris evans #steve rogers #chris evans x reader #steve rogers au #fanfic #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x y/n #chris evans au #30daysofchris2020

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nightingalesfeverdream · 5 years

Text

"Sit on my lap?"

Starker 18+

Warnings: Smut, Cockwarming kink.

Tony's and Peter's relationship started out as something really normal and almost innocent. After a while of tensions and sneaky touches they admitted to their feelings, and got together. At first it was a bit weird for both of them, moving from a Mentor and Student relationship into something romantic wasnt that normal afterall.

But they adapted very well to the new feelings and being able to kiss and hold eachother while working.

"You think i care about some contract from a Million years ago ?" Tony asks into the phone, his hand under Peters shirt, stroking gently over the boys shoulders and spine. Peter is leaned over the table a bit to finish up some prep projects for college, slowly sitting down on Tonys lap then.

Which makes Peter shiver deeply, hes getting an idea about something he always wanted to try out....And Tony is busy anyways which means it could be the perfect opportunity, a now or never moment! He talked to Bucky about everything because Bucky is like the Sex Guru , hes so comfortable with talking about everything ... he really took all of Peters anxiety and insecurities away. Which made Tonys and Peters first time....Perfect. Really really Perfect.

Enough hiding in his own thoughts!

Peter turns to look over his own shoulder, making sure that Tony is still busy when he starts to slowly turn to face him, moving his hand onto Tonys inner thigh, smirking gently.

Tony lets Peter do what he wants for now but this phone Call is rather important, so if it goes to fast Tony would have to stop the kid. Despite everything Tony slowly gets hard in his jogging pants, which gives Peter a nice view...

He then moves to free Tonys cock, feeling a hand on his wrist, Tony is shaking his head gently whispering a "five minutes" to the younger one. Making Peter pout, he dosent stop tho, he still frees Tonys cock with a bratty smirk on his lips while Tony leans back further on the chair, defeated.

"Sex Monster" Tony whispers to him with a wide smirk back, because it is true. That Boy...is...Hungry. All day all the time, hes jumping Tony every Chance he gets, which is honestly a dream come true for Tony Stark. Having his own sex Monster that just can't ever get enough of Tony fucking him senseless.

He dosent know yet how wrong he is about his assumption.

Peter gives Tony's cock a few firm strokes before he starts pulling down his jeans, kicking them off and then taking his boxers off, he remembers a time when he used to be shy about this, when he asked Tony to turn the lights off because he was insecure about his body, the...obvious lenght difference between them.

Another thing Bucky helped him with, he said Steve had the same problem. He even told Peter that the first time they had sex After Steve was under the effects of the serum he was really insecure, saying things like 'he can't have sex with a body that isnt really his' .

But they got over that, and so did Tony and Peter, now Peter loves being naked around Tony, just showing everything off to drive his older boyfriend crazy.

While hes on that thought...

Peter turns around again, his back facing Tony when he moves to sit down on his lap again, making sure that Tony is burried deep inside of his strechted and still slightly wet hole. And then he just continues to work on his Project, acting like its a normal thing to sit on a cock and not move a single muscle.

He read in some magazine that it's good for a more intimate feeling and for deepening the relationship to your partner so to say a advanced form of cuddling... And as of right now Peter really likes it, the feeling of having Tony deep inside of him yet he dosent really feel horny and in the mood for a quickie. Its interesting and new and he really wonders how Tony feels about it.

Tony already prepared himself for Peter riding him and Tony having to be quiet because hes in a important phone Call meeting, But... Peter dosent move. He just sits there, Learning...working...whatever.

He accepts that, altough hes hard.

Once Tony finishes his phone call 15 minutes have passed, and Tony...he loves this, the warm feeling because hes inside of the person he loves the most.. the fact that he feels really comfortable.

He slowly moves his hand to Peters hip, leaning in to kiss his neck. "What are we...doing ?" He asks gently, shivering deeply when Peter moves a bit . "Its called uh...cockwarming" he blushes a little at that, its a horrible sounding name for something so intimate and beautiful.

"That so? Okay.." Tony sighs, moving to wrap his arms around Peters waist and his chest. Holding him close "You like it ?" Peter asks nervously, shifting a bit on Tonys Lap again.

"Yes. I love it, its different. Bit...odd..but I like it" Tony says, feeling Peter relax again. "Good . Cause i really like it too, you know? It dosent have to be always about sex" he smirks a bit.

"Huh. That coming from YOU" Tony huffs, feeling Peter laugh. But he feels it..differently...because hes inside of him and he never payed so much attention to that, its crazy.

After another while Peter slowly moves to get up, letting a soft moan escape his lips, pulling his boxers and pants back on then, causing Tony to frown a bit. "Like i said ! Its not about sex!" He says again, Throwing Tony a wide smile before he leaves.

After that day it became a regular thing to do for Tony and Peter, it always starts with Tony saying "sit on my lap?" In such a sweet voice that Peter can barely say no. They both love this new form of connection, it feels like it brought them even closer together.

But Peter dosent always sit....on Tony...

Sometimes he uses his mouth, having Tonys thick lenght laying on his tongue while Tony works, right now.. hes exactly doing that, having Tonys cock deep in his throat while Tony has a Skype Meeting!

But hes under the table nobody could ever see him, plus he wont move until that call is over.

Feeling Tonys hand gently stroke through his hair makes Peter shiver a bit, but its so that he knows that Tony still very much likes it. "Mr. Stark are you feeling well ?" A person from the Skype meeting asks him, causing Tonys cheeks to blush even harder. "Yes Sir. Im Perfectly fine!" He says back, they continue their meeting then and Tony can feel Peter getting a little impatient, so he hurries the meeting and after a while he ends the call.

Pushing the table away and looking at Peter "You okay there ?" Tony asks, stroking over the boys cheek. Peter slowly moves his head so that Tonys lenght pulls out of his throat and mouth "yea! Totally. Just a little uncomfy but it was fine!" Peter smiles wide, that Boy always has such a bright energy, Tony really loves him.

"Your really...hard today.." Peter points out, moving his hand onto Tonys rock hard cock, giving him a few strokes. "Yea...? I didnt notice a difference" Tony points out, gently throwing his head back, expecting a blow job but he gets something so much better.

"I want you...so bad" Peter whines a bit, getting up from the floor, taking his boxers off and sitting down on the table, spreading his legs infront of Tony nice and wide "Please fuck me Sir, need it Bad!" He says, moving his two fingers to his strechted hole pushing them inside.

Peter knows how to drive Tony crazy, he knows how much his older boyfriend loves teasing and Peter putting on a little show for him, especially now due to their new Hobby its way more hard ons without a Happy end for Tony.. He needs to make up for that.

Tony's eyes are locked on his perfect boy, and he means it, Peter Parker is Perfect for him. The kinky side of Peter is like fuel for Tonys wildest ideas and fantasies...

So he slowly moves up from his chair, looking Peter up and down, moving between his legs and pushes his hard and throbbing cock into the boys hole...along side Peters own two fingers. "Fuuuck!" Peter cries out, but it feels good! God that tight stretch feels so good...

"You like that don't you?" Tony asks, his hands moving to Peters hips when he starts trusting into him.. Feeling the tightness due to Peters fingers. Peter is always wet and Tony knows why...

That Boy has some interesting kinks, one of them is pumping himself full with lube. "Good boys are always wet aint that right sweetheart?" Tony asks, his lenght moving so easily in and out of that Boy. Peter is a moaning mess already, his hand all over Tonys shoulders and chest and neck, feeling the table move with his trusts.

"Fuuuck...yes! Yes always good for you.." Peter moans loudly, slowly taking his fingers out of his hole, wrapping his arms around Tonys neck then, his legs are wrapped around his waist while his whole body rocks back and forth with Tonys trusts.

"Gonna cum so hard for you Pete...gonna fill you up just how you Love it!" Tony moans as well, burrying his face in Peters neck, Leaving hickeys on his skin while he pounds into the love of his life.

Just a few moments later they both cum at the same time, Peter cumming all over Tonys expensive suit, clenching around Tonys thick lenght while he cums inside of him. Tony always has such a thick load of cum ...it drives Peter insane.. That hot feeling deep inside of him.

"I love you so much..." Peter moans out, Kissing Tony on the lips. "I love you too, sex Monster" he smirks wide, Holding Peter tightly against his chest.

They stay like that for a while, its not weird or awkward its so intimate that they both feel like they become a part of eachothers body, and this is just the beginning of Tony discovering all sorts of kinks that Peter Parker has.

The end.

This took me rather long to write because i really had some issues with my own writing, nothing felt right or good enough. But this does, i hope others feel the same about it! A like or reblog helps me knowing :)

/ps. Im always looking for roleplay partner/

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theworldsoul · 3 years

Text

Okay so basically... lets talk.

I should've seen this coming. I should've known that after such a long period of happiness, something would give.

I went to pick up my glasses from the dinner table today, because that's where I left them. When I put them on... they wouldnt stay on. I checked and they were missing the two plastic parts that hold the glasses up and still on my nose.

I check the table for them, and I dont find them. Then I ask, like hey, did any of yall touch my glasses? Both the plastic things are missing. My dad IMMEDIATELY assumes that I took them off ON PURPOSE. For some reason. And I tell him no, i didnt touch them, all I remember is picking them up from the table and seeing the plastic bits missing.

Then I spend like an hour telling them no, I didnt break my own glasses, I FOUND them that way. And my dad is like mocking me, going "u always say 'I didnt do it!!!' Like you never do anything huh? I guess you're just perfect." And I'm like... BUT I ACTUALY DIDNT DO IT!!!!???!? and hes like "you never take responsibility for anything, blah blah, you're so fucking stupid, you act like a four year old, stop fucking crying, how dare you ask us if we know what happened, why are you trying to blame us, you obviously did it on purpose and now you're acting all surprised.." and I'm just sitting there. Taking it. Thinking to myself... wow. They automatically assumed the worst in me. And THIS SORT OF THING HAPPENS OFTEN!!! I get blamed for shit I didnt do all the fuckign time.

So I'm just. Crying. Because theres a certain amount of verbal abuse i can take and it's not very much. I'm being interrogated. And its distressing, because I cant PROVE that I didnt do it on.purpose, because i GENUINELY DONT REMEBER WHAT HAPPENED!!! so they just get to assume that i broke my own glasses.

Why would my dad jump to that conclusion so quickly? Simple answer: he literally hates me. He holds back, I know, but hes done this before and he'll do it again, hes shown and said what he REALLY THINKS and he'll say it again and do it again and again and again because his mask is slipping. I dont know what I did to make him hate me but he does. That's just how it is. I can't change that. Man, my parents behave like children.

Anwyays so I'm just very upset, in distress, crying really hard, trying not to say too much so I dont make them angrier but also always telling the truth, which is that I DIDN'T DO IT AND I DONT REMEBER ANYTHING HAPPENEING TO THE GLASSES!!

He asks me, who did it then? I say I dont know but it wasnt me. He said who then, if not you. I said I dont know. He didnt believe me!!!

I hate when I tell the truth and people dont believe it. Like... this is the truth. I have nothing more to offer you. Take what little I give, cos it's my fucking blood.

Anyways in the meantime my mom is checking, looking for the plastic bits. She finds them in my coat pocket.

I am proven innocent. At what cost? Well, now I'm shaking, curled up into a ball, crying, and in actual pain. My brain cant handle so much pain so it transfers it to physical pain. So there I am. A fucking kid. Who's been punished for somehting he didn't do. And theres the proof.

My dad fixed the glasses. Left me there on the couch, still trembling. Gave them to me in a case. Said I gotta be careful. I said thank you. Because, even if I'm upset, I gotta make sure other people dont get upset. He said sorry, but he said it in this huffy way that made it sound reluctant. Then he was like, I said sorry so stop crying.

He wanted a kiss on the cheek and I was gonna give him one because I dont want to seem like a dickhead, he DID apologize... and if you dont accept my dads apologies and move on and pretend that the word "sorry" fixes everything, he gets even more angry and i REALLY dont want to deal with him guilt ripping me over it. So I lean in for a little kiss and... I cant. I cant do it. My face crinkles up all ugly and I start crying hysterically every time I get close. I try a few times but I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of like... oh god. I felt so hurt. Like a scared little rabbit. Oh shit, I was fucking scared. I couldnt do it. It made me feel disgusted.

I said, later I'll do it.

I dont know why he thinks he can hurt me so bad and make me cry, then give some shitty apology and expect me to change my mood entirely and go back to being all happy. That's not how it works. If you hurt someone, they stay hurt. Your shitty little word, "sorry", doesnt make me feel any better and doesnt fix any of the damage.... but I have to pretend like it does because if I dont you get mad, and you say I'm mean for not accepting the apology,,,

Later on, he did come for a kiss again. I was in my room, pretending to be busy so he would ignore me but he didnt. This time, I didnt kiss him but I allowed him to kiss me. I just... I couldnt kiss him. I was holding back tears, and i knew if i tried to kiss him i would start crying all over again and make him upset or angry. So I just sorta... let him kiss me on my forehead. Then I went to the bathroom fast as I could, acting like I had to brush my teeth.

I locked the door, sank to my knees, and cried. Hard.

I just wish that I had a dad who loved me, or who knew how to love me... or who I knew loved me, a dad who knew what he was doing, so I didnt have to debate if he loved me or not in my head.

God. I feel so small. Like I literally feel like a little kid right now. Fucking hell. Looks like tonight I'll be indulging in my delusions, playing pretend.

It's sad that my parents fuck me up, but its sadder that afterwards I dont have anyone to comfort me and help heal me.... only myself and whoever I bring to life in my imagination.

Sometimes when I get overly upset, when I'm pushed to the edge like this, I begin to feel... a lot younger? Like shockingly younger. I'm not even the same dude anymore, I'm a fucking five year old all of a sudden. Which makes the situation even more scary and painful.

Just imagine like, a hurt scared little kid with no one to help him. He's tryna pick himself off the ground and hes telling himself "shhhhh... it'll be okay" that's me. That's literally me and it makes me feel so fucking BAD but its true.

I've been breaking down. Earlier in the day I had trouble on a quiz because I didn't know the definition of a word in a poem and I couldnt answer the question (does character A like character B?) And when I asked they said they couldnt tell me which was bullshit but whatever. Uhm so I got upset. Like, scarily upset. I gave up, wrote that i didnt want to do the question on the paper, guessed at half the answers, crumpled it up and threw it to the ground. Then I just... spaced out for the rest of class because I was STILL upset and fuck them.

At one point I left to go cry in the bathroom, but when i went in there, all the stalls were taken and there was a huge group of guys in there, like maybe ten people in there total, so I ran back out and was like fuck now what. Now I wait. I waited and nobody came out. I double checked and they were sitll there and I ran out again. I dashed to another bathroom down the hall hoping it was empty. I was blasting metal in my ears to try and drown out the FEELINGS, I hate feeling things. Got into a stall, slammed the door, started CRYING, sobbing, talking to myself, all of this with metal music blaring out of my headphones. I composed myself. When I went out of the stall I checked my eyeliner and it was... well, you could TELL I cried. I didnt bother with it tho, i just ran out of there.

Ugh and when I got back I kept doing the stim that usually evolves into literally hitting myself, so that was. Bad. At least this time I refrained from beating the shit outta my own left arm.

God.. I hope everyone who hurts me, everyone who ever fucking hurt me, feels GUILTY as all hell. I hope whatever being made me FEEL all these emotions so hard so strong so fast, ROTS. because nobody deserves to feel so intensely upset that they resort to the worst ways of coping. No one.

I'm just glad I didnt relapse. That's a positive.

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rvnjun · 5 years

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nct 127 reacts | gf overhears them call her clingy

request: Hiii! Can I request something where the 127 calls the gf clingy (but she overheard it) and she distances herself , barely talking to them and they don’t know why?:) warnings: angst? authors note: sorry this took so long babydoll and I changed up the req a bit! Feedback and reblogs are very appreciated

T a e i l

Taeil stared at your figure on the couch, your hands tightly curled around the remote and your eyes glued to the movie on the television. Something was wrong but he couldnt put his finger on it. He knew that there was something different about you but he didn't know what. “Y/n?” he called out, awaiting your response. You didn't even him spare him a glance as you mumbled a ‘huh’. “Are,,,aren't you gonna come and greet me?” he asked, voice wavering. Taeil hated how he sounded but he finally realized what was causing him a bother, you hadn't been greeting him when he arrived home anymore. “What's wrong?” he asked right after realizing what was the problem. Normally you were the type of person to not just burst out your emotions like that but before you could collect yourself, the tears were already dripping down your cheeks. “I,,I,,I-” you stopped for a second to collect your breath “-I overheard what you told Taeyong and im sorry for being so clingy.” Taeils eyes wavered at your words “Baby I didnt mean it like that,,Im sorry that I made you feel that way. I love how clingy you are, it shows me how much you love me,” Taeil softly spoke, pulling you in for a gentle hug.

T a e y o n g

Taeyong loved how clingy you could be, some days he wanted nothing more than to be in your arms. Afterall, it wasn't easy being the tough and strong leader of over 16 wild boys. Your arms were a safe haven, the one place we he truly felt like he could relax and not have to worry about anything. However, when Taeyong was truly feeling stressed he would take the anger and worries out on things that didn't make him angry. Which is how he ended up in the situation he was in. Tears burning your cheeks and eyes red and puffy. Your arms were tightly crossed around your chest as you struggled to get the words out. Taeyong hated seeing you this way and it pained him even more to know that it was his fault. “Y/n what you overheard was a private conversation with Johnny that I said under an enormous amount of stress and it wasn't true,” he calmly explained. Your tears momentarily halted as you brokenly asked “Are you sure?” in reassurance. Taeyong didn't say anything but open his arms for you. Immediately you ran to his arms as he tightly held you “I'm so sorry, Y/n.”

J o h n n y

Johnny sighed as he rubbed his temples. There was so much going on his life and he just wanted to lay in bed and cuddle with you. But you were angry with him and he couldn't figure out why. Between you and work he felt like he was being torn apart. Sighing heavily he looked up at you “Y/n I need you to tell me what's wrong otherwise I can't do anything about it,” Johnny stated trying to help the situation. “Im just being less clingy, that's what you wanted, right?’ you asked in a slightly sarcastic tone of voice. Johnny's brows furrowed as he racked his brain for answers, why would you think,,,,,Mark. “What did Mark tell you?” his anger was bubbling a little more. “Mark didn't tell me anything. I went to the dorms to drop off some stuff that you left when I heard you tell him I was annoyingly clingy so I left,” you explained the situation. “Y/n I,,I guess I didn't realize how much I love your clinginess until you stopped in. Im sorry,” he sighed while the weight finally lifted from your shoulders. You smiled and opened your arms, missing giving your giant teddy bear of a boyfriend hugs.

Y u t a

He stared out the window with a blank look on his face. The image of your sadden expression burning into his mind. It was his fault, really. You guys got into a pretty bad fight and he was just upset over that. While ranting to Sicheng about you and the whole ordeal he said that you were “overly clingy to the point it was creepy.” What he did not expect was for you to go to the practice room to apologize for the fight, overhearing the comments he made. Your face shown pure agony, his heart breaking more every millisecond. Regret. He felt regret that he didn't run after you to explain himself. “Im creepy,,huh?” your voice sounded shattered as you spoke with seemingly no emotion. “Y/n,,I didn't mean it like that I was just upset. You're not creepy and I don't know why I even said that,” Yuta said, now the one crying.”I mean at the time I meant it but now that i've calmed down I don't,,,can you please forgive me?” Yuta added hopelessly. Your whole body felt tired and like you'd spent the past hours running miles. You knew Yuta, that sometimes he said things he didn't mean. Almost like you were being pulled to him you wrapped your arms around his sitting figure, his head resting in your chest. “Im glad you dont care that i'm clingy”

D o y o u n g

Doyoung stared at the menu as he continued to talk about his relationship. He confided in Taeyong with private and personal problems, and trusted his advice. Sat at a table a few rows back your grip on the glass began to tighten the more he spoke. Sitting across from you, your dear friend watch with a saddened expression. “I thought things between you both were going good?,” she questioned, voice laced with obvious confusion. You didn’t say anything but placed some money on the table and sat up to leave. You couldn’t bare to stay there any longer, hearing the things Doyoung was saying about you was really hurting you. Once you arrived at your shared apartment you laid in bed and quietly wept. After a few hours your phone lit up showing that Doyoung was calling. Rolling to your side you ignored it, not wanting to talk to him just yet. A few more hours had passed when Doyoung barges into the apartment, confused and worried as to why you never answered his calls. “Y/n?,” he called our softly, carefully pushing the bedroom door open. Even in the dark room he could make out your silhouette in the bed. “Hey what’s wrong?,” he asked already knowing something was up. Despite wanting to yell at him you turned over and looked him dead in the eyes “Why are you being so clingy?” Was what you had asked with ill intentions. Immediately he understood your reasons behind not answering the phone. “You weren't supposed to hear that,” he simply said. You felt the bed dip as he took a seat upon the comfy thing. “Yeah and what else haven't I heard that I wasn't supposed to? What else have you been saying?” Doyoung could tell you were rightfully upset. “Y/n,,I,,I did mean it when I say you're clingy, but If I had a problem with it wouldn't I have told you? Im a straight up person,” Doyoung confessed, hands reaching over towards your figure. It was silent for a moment as you processed his words. Sighing heavily you rolled to face him “Do you promise that it doesn't bother you severely?’ you questioned earning a nod from Doyoung. He leaned down a placed a gentle kiss on your cheek “I mean it.”

J a e h y u n

He always got a little ancy with the interviewers starts asking questions about their dating life. Its a question every idol dreads to hear but has to sit through anyway. Jaehyun, he is always tried to make a joke of it. He may have made it funny for all his fans but all his joke did was hurt the person he cared most about, you. You haven't been answering his texts or calls since the day that video went up. He pulled the mask tighter over his face and rushed to your apartment. Technically he wasn't supposed to leave the dorm today but he wanted to see your face. “Y/n,” he called out while banging on your door. “Y/n,,please open the door,” he said with more desperation. You slowly walked to the door,,feet stopping at the edge as you stared at it. “I know what i said hurt you and im sorry about that,” Jaehyun added, not even sure if you were there. Pressing your back against the door you slid down, Jaehyun doing the same on the other side. “I shouldn't have said that gf who is clingy would be the worst, because for me, a gf who is clingy is the best. A gf who is clingy is the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Jaehyuns voice sounded broken. He needed to see your face, he needed to hug you and make sure everything was okay. The second he heard the sound of the door unlock his heart raced with excitement. You opened the door and pulled him in for a hug. Jaehyun tightly squeezed back and placed kisses on the top of your head. “Oh my god I missed you so much,” he said while bending down to place a kiss on your lips

W i n w i n

Winwin wasnt the type of person to be honest with his emotions but you could always read what he was thinking. “Y/n,,I didnt mean to call you clingy,,yes sometimes you a get a little attached but the only times it bothers me is when im already in a bad mood,” Winwin quietly explained. He felt upset with himself for ever saying those things about you when he knew that they were some of the things he loved the most. You wiped the tears from your eyes using the paws on your sweater. “Are you sure?” you questioned, unsure if he was being truthful. You could tell in the way he looked and in the way he was acting that something was bothering him. Winwin then did something that took you by surprise, he was never one to initiate romantic things first, it was always you. Reaching out, Winwin grabbed you by your waist and pulled your body flush against his. He looked into your eyes with an intense emotion before slowly leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips, his tongue teasingly darting out. You two stayed like that a few seconds longer than you should have but when he pulled away you were flushed and out of breath. “I really do mean my apology, Y/n. I love you,” he quietly said, seemingly embarrassed with his previous actions.

J u n g w o o

Jungwoo stared at you for a few seconds, he brain racking over everything that had happened. “Why,,why are we breaking up I thought everything was fine?” he asked, tears already flowing like a hydrant. Seeing his broken face broke you even more. Your voice, barely above a whisper, finally came out “Because our communication isn't the best,,and no good relationship has bad communication.” Jungwoo hands grasped out for your wrist holding you in place and not letting you leave. “What should we tell eachother then? Y/n I cant have you go, you're the only thing that's holding me together right now,,please,” his voice cracked and he looked shattered. Your chest heaved up and down as loud sobs erupted from you. “I accidentally read your texts and I saw you tell Lucas I was clingy,,” you confessed, convinced that he would want to break up then. “That's what this is all about? Goodness Y/n you should've talked to me first. Yes you get clingy but tis not a serous issues, what's a serious issue is how hot you eat your food,” Jungwoo cracked a joke. Your tears fell even harder as you pulled him in for a hug. “I'm so sorry for ever suggesting it I should've talked to you first,” you cried like a little baby in his arms. Jungwoo swayed side to side, holding you tightly and cherishing every second of it.

M a r k

You often read over Marks lyrics, whether they were going to be used or nt you loved to read them. It always felt like you got a insight into what was really going on in that Canadians head. Your fingers flipped the page as you started on the next song. “Cling to me” was the title as you guessed since it was written sloppily at the top. Some of the words were smeared due to something having been spilt on it but you did your best to read it anyway. At first ti seemed like a light hearted song but as the lyrics progressed you realized it was about you. A song about how loving it was at first to have someone cling to you only for it to be over bearing and annoying. The door opened as Mark walked in, his eyes skimmed the room only to see you reading his journal. “Oh, I haven’t been writing lately,” he said, plopping down next to you. When you didn’t respond right away Mark noticed that you looked distraught. “y/n?” he questioned before his eyes slowly moved to the page. He felt his heart drop momentarily before his hand darted out to cover the page. “Don’t continue reading this, before you saying anything let me explain. I wrote this after our last fight and I was angry,,I didn't mean it. Flip the page,” Mark instructed while flipping the page for you seeing as you wouldn't listen. “I wrote this he next day after seeing what I wrote the previous night, I didn't mean to write those things, Y/n.” Holding back tears and wanting to listen to him you glanced up at the top “Eyes of an Angel” was the title of this song. Reading the lyrics you let the tears drop. “Eyes of an Angel” was a song about how you always saw him for him and how it was yours eyes that pulled him out of some of his darkest times. About how he was thankful that the first thing he got to see in the morning was your eyes staring back at him. Leaning over he pulled you into a hug and kissed the top of your head “I really should rip that page out,” he mumbled while pulling your lips to his, giving you the sweetest and most gentle kiss he ever had

H a e c h a n

Haechan was a playful spirit, that was something everyone knew. Infact it were his light hearted jokes and his childish teasing that gave him a lot of fans, plus It didn't help that he was incredibly good-looking. Haechan was teasing Mark about how he never lets him hug him or give him kisses. Your feet padded against the ground as you made your way to the dorm, ready to finally drop off Haechans clothes that you stole and promised to return. “Yeah well you know who is really clingy?? Y/n,,sometimes I cant breath when Y/n is in the room-” you stopped in your tracks, dropped his clothes on the ground and spun around on your heels. “clingy,,but,,,Haechan,,with,,he,,me??” you mumbled incoherently to yourself. “-its not like I have a problem with that though, her clinginess is a big reason why I love her,” Haechan finished his sentence, confused as to why Mark was staring behind him funny. “I swear I heard someone,” Mark slowly walked towards the hallway, Haechan not far behind. Peaking over the corner Marks eyebrows went from being knitted in confusion to panic. “Okay Haechan, DON'T PANIC BUT-” Mark was quickly interrupted by the younger bright boy “WHAT DO YOU MEAN DON'T PANIC?? NOW IM PANICKING WITHOUT KNOWING WHATS WRONG,” the young boy yelled back. “Sorry,,,I uh,,,I think Y/n was here to drop off your clothes but for some reason she dropped them,” Mark directed Haechans line of sight to his clothes on the ground. “Fuck. She probably heard me calling her clingy and left,” Haechan quickly pushed past Mark, pace picking up as he attempted to catch you before you got back on the train. The second her caught sight of your hair, bouncing as you hurriedly walked he couldn't help but scream your name. You froze in place long enough for him to catch up, with his hands on his knees and his favorite hoodie in his hands. “You,,you didnt hear it all,,I called you clingy,,but I also said thats why I,,I love you,,please,,take this back and,,,come back to the dorm,” Haechan said in between heavy pants. “Oh my gosh im so stupid,,sorry Haechan,” you said with a giggle, putting his favorite hoodie on. He stared at you in disbelief for a few seconds before pulling you in for a tight hug. “Its not fair you look better in my stuff than I do.”

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alukaforyou · 4 years

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and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

#.txt

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everyman0 · 5 years

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A PALE BLUE GHOST

over on the discord, i announced my decision to make another trip to the Edge to try my luck at finding any kind of clue that could help me make sense of it. patrick gave me a whole lot of lip about not using his fucking mirror and other bullshit, but ill save that for another post. this is a lot more fresh and painful for me.

going back outside was a mistake.

i journeyed the five hours it took to get to the impenetrable black wall of the Edge. my plan was to walk down its length, survey anything unusual, you know. obviously i wouldnt have been able to observe all of it in one day as ive mentioned the area it covers is rather large, but i felt some effort was better than none at all, and i wasnt exactly comfortable with the idea of spending the night this far away from the house. simple enough right? there was nothing out of place on the way out here, so i hardly expected what i saw just as i approached the wall.

it was jeff. sort of.

when i first saw him, he appeared almost like a reflection of me in the blackness. as i stepped closer to the wall, so did he step forward as well - until eventually seeming to step out of the wall entirely. we stood face to face, a mere foot apart, and i noticed then that his entire being was tinted with a pale blue.

i was terrified. i wanted to run away, but i couldnt make myself do it. so i asked timidly, "what are you doing here?"

jeff seems to come alive then.

"what? you told me to grab some stuff for the video today."

fucking bastard. i was still scared, but somehow i just knew he was mocking me. i frown, reaffirming my stance. i had to ask myself if jeff would even do such a thing to me...and then i figured yeah, probably - ghost or not.

"dont you dare pull that bullshit on me," i said, "those days are long gone." and they were.

jeff laughs. "don't you miss it? simpler times." he splays his hands out like an offering. "cant be all that bad to pretend, for a little while."

i squint my eyes at him - both of them. these days i dont bother wearing an eyepatch, since the point was for evans comfort to begin with. now it doesnt matter that i have a gaping fucking hole in my head for all to see.

i ball my fists at my sides. "i dont have time to pretend, and i dont have time for this conversation - so lets get to the point. why are you here?"

"to see my old friend again! and to tell you there's always more than meets the eye." jeff then taps a finger underneath his left eye, and a phantom pain throbs in my own empty socket. i try to ignore it.

"yeah, no shit," i say, and cross my arms. i was losing my patience. "if you're just going to spout vague nonsense at me like every other motherfucker does on a constant basis, i'm sorry to say but i will have to pass. i have more important things to do."

"like stand in front of this wall and bitch? is that what you're doing here?" jeff grins, and tilts his head at me. i just scoff, and deciding i had enough, i begin trying to do what i came to the wall for in the first place and begin walking parallel to it. jeff follows after me.

"im only bitching because here you are to distract me," i say, side-eyeing him, "so if you don't mind, kindly fuck off."

"i do mind, actually. why do you even want to leave? its paradise in here. no need to eat or drink, perfect climate, no irritating neighbors or awkward staredowns at the grocery store- you'd love it!"

i stop in my tracks. i hate that the sound of his voice is enough to get me to actually consider his words. but i do, and then i say:

"you know, for a while there, i did enjoy it. to an extent, anyways. you can only enjoy so much when you are all too aware of every little fucking thing. and maybe i could have handled the ghost thing, right? like you said, no neighbors or weird interactions. but then i saw this wall, and now i feel like a trapped animal - and im not okay with that."

"so if you couldnt see the wall, it'd be fine?"

i shake my head, "i came out here the first time to see if i could leave, and i wouldve kept walking if there was nothing to stop me. maybe i would have returned, after a while, had i done so. maybe not." i shrug, somewhat frustrated at the thought. "a wall is a wall, whether i can see it or not. seeing isnt the problem, the existence of the thing is."

"well yeah, but you can't just leave." jeff says it like its obvious. in hindsight, maybe it was. i could already imagine a few reasons as to why, but i wanted to pry out what jeff seems to think the answer is.

so i ask, "and why is that?"

jeff answers: "because there's...people, out there? like, innocent fuckin people, dude." well duh.

i roll my eyes, "im aware. but what does that have to do with me, exactly? habit is already somewhere else doing god knows what."

jeff looks on blankly. "we don't need two of you out there."

ouch. and unfortunately, on some level i believe it to be true. and the implication that i would intentionally hurt or even kill anyone like habit would...im sadly all too aware of the likelihood, really. it doesnt hurt because i feel bad, it hurts because i dont. however, i wasnt about to let this guy know that.

i say, "it's not like id be very social anyways. at this point, i dont think i could even stomach it."

jeff takes on a darker sort of air about him. "evidently so, based on how you treated evan. do you have your head screwed on straight, dude? because like, holy shit was that hard to watch."

i tense up, and i can feel a spark of anger rising from within me. guess it didnt matter what i tried to hide, jeff knew what weak points to hit.

"i was just trying to protect him."

"uh huh," he nods, "sorry vinny, but you're not the guardian in this one."

"clearly," i grumble, "but i was fucking trying, okay?" i was trying. jeff thought otherwise.

"yeah, trying to get everyone killed. thanks for that one, by the way. you've been self absorbed, irresponsible, reckless and horrible to everyone around you that isn't the entity playing games with our lives, and you can't keep pretending it's not true! do some soul searching. meditate. i don't care. but you're not leaving any time soon, so you'd better get used to it." jeff jabs me in the chest with a pointed finger.

it didnt take but a moment to process jeffs words, and ultimately, i agree with him. im a terrible fucking person. i just am. but i wasnt going to give jeff the satisfaction of me fessing up to it - because i felt like all of this was beginning to become unproductive bullshit and i wanted to do what i came all the way out here to do dammit.

i go to smack jeffs hand away from me, but i come to find that i simply pass through him like he was air. i felt the jab, though, even if superficially. this confirms my suspicion about the ghost thing, but jeff was different from the ghosts in the town; like being able to talk and acknowledge my existence.

i take a step back, "we'll see about that. who the fuck made this wall, hm? you of all things must know right? since you are apparently a plethora of knowledge of good and evil now. can you do that much for me jeff?"

jeff considers my words before he turns away from me to face the terrible wall, his hands on his hips, and his head craning back to presumably observe the wall's endless climb into the sky above.

"habit designed this gaudy architecture as part of his grand scheme. you probably could have figured that much, eh? but what you wouldnt know is that its been here since the very beginning, before you even arrived at the house." he looks back at me, "come on vin. you should know by now that habit is well prepared...even if this timeline is bonkers. you shouldnt need me to tell you that."

i grumble in annoyance, but consider his words carefully. sure, maybe i didnt need him to tell me habit was a suspect in all this, and maybe i could have figured that out just by doing what i had originally planned with scouting the perimeter of the wall. but...here jeff was, telling me things outright. it was a convenient time saver really, even if he was going about it in a bitchy way. i needed to take advantage of this.

"so, if habit made this cage to keep me in, why shouldnt i try to break out? why shouldnt i try to fight his subjugation?"

"one, because habit has eons of experience over you and you'll likely fuck something up really badly," jeff says, and turns towards me again. "two, you're part of this place now. removing you would shatter a really delicate balance. the house is a place of fluctuation, because there's not enough power to sustain herself. and you're radiating power, dude. would you really just abandon her like that, after all she's done to keep you safe and alive?"

ouch again...ugh. i dont usually feel guilty over a lot of things, but jeffs second point seemed to get to me.

i relent. i cower my head to stare at the ground. "i wouldnt have left her forever."

jeff gives me a disappointed sigh. "go back home, man. she's really worried about you."

i bite my lip and give the slightest of nods. i still want to do what i can to escape, and i hadnt forgotten about why i came to the wall in the first place...but jeff's words had me thinking about my desires for the house. in truth, the house and i have formed a strange sort of...i dunno, friendship? its the closest human word i can think for it. i would talk to her, she would listen. id even clean up her rooms, even though ive observed that she can do it by herself.

i think she may be the only thing in this world that can understand me now.

so i feel like in some weird way, the house cares about me. she has done quite a few favors for me, after all; favors that kept me safer. jeff was right again, and i couldnt shake the wrongness of abandoning the house enough to continue talking my way out of this bind.

it was time to go then. but first, i look back up at jeff.

"what about you?" i ask, my mood seriously taking a nose dive off a cliff. sad and desperate and pathetic and lonely. "you came all this way from wherever, however you did it, to tell me all this...are you going to leave me now too, just like evan?" fuck. "i wouldn't blame you if you did...but i have to admit, it was nice seeing you again."

and truthfully, it was - despite the treatment i received. its fine. i deserved it.

jeff leans in, and i can feel the pity in his eyes as he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"that choice isn't mine to make."

and then he shoves me away from the wall with a force that sends me tumbling across the ground a good few feet. i think it fucked up my shoulder. its fine. deserved that too.

and then i went home.

#evrymn0 #phase???#everymanhybrid

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mare-sanguis · 5 years

Text

Winston/Monty pt. 11 part 1 out of 2 because its loooong

Scott cleaned the dishes while Winston took his medicine.

"You should visit his grave. You know... I dont think you failed him. He's not disappointed in you- but proud of thta you tried."

"Maybe."

"He really trusted you to do that. Did he told you that?"

Scott nooded.

"Then you already know that he wont be disappointed in you."

"You really think so... right?"

"Yes. He's your friend."

Scott sighed and looked down in the sink.

"Jeff was really a nice guy- he had a huge heart and supported so many. The funeral was the absolute worst. So many people crying, disturbed. He died to young."

"You really liked him."

"Well of course I do."

Winston smiled.

"No."

"'No' What?"

"I didnt mean it like that. Not as your best friend."

Scott didnt responds to that directly.

"He was just a friend. I told you."

"Would you say the same if you'd look at me? Almost everytime you talk about him you won't look at me. You're hiding something."

"Theres nothing to hide."

Winston sighed and stood up.

"Maybe you'll tell me later. I wont pressure you into something you dont want to say. I'll go to sleep now. You can chose one of the quest rooms. One is near mine, the other ones are on the 3rd floor. Good night."

Winston left and leaves Scott alone in the kitchen.

"Fuck it. I wasnt in love with him." He whispered to himself.

"He was my best friend, not my first male crush:"

Why would he even think about that if he wasnt?

He stood there for some seconds more until he decided to go to one of the guest rooms.

He choosed the one near Winstons.

They didnt saw each other until the next day.

Scott checked on Winston- He'ss still asleep- all the stress and probably the medicine knocked him out pretty hard.

He took a shower and got dressed- after that he decided to drive hom to grab some stuff. He left Winston a note in case he would wake up while he was gone.

He took Winstons car to drive home where he packed up some clothes and put on new ones.

Scott looked at he clock. Must be lunchtime at Liberty now. There was still some unfinished business in this school for him. And since he was in town now anyway he could visit this hellhole.

He get back into the car and drove to the school. He went there long enough but after 8 month and the second visit... it still felt weird.

He was the one the school chose to give Montys stuff to since his parents didnt care enough for it.

After he arrived at school he parked his car in a parking lot near by the school, then he stepped out and took a deep breath.

No one was around so he felt at least a bit more comfortable. All that changed after he entered the school building. The halls were filled with students. People he know and some he dont.

But no one seemed to notice him. Luckily. At least he thought so.

Without any further thinking he walked straight towards the principals office- but stopped after someone grabbed his arm and some other called his name.

"Scott!"

He got dragged away by the one who grabbed his arm.

"Long time no hypocrite. Didnt expect to see you around here anymore after you buggered off after the whole Bryce "rape" thing."

Scott tried to stay calm.

"What do you want?"

"We just wonder why you're here and that you still have the courage for it."

"Why? Should I feel afraid of you?"

"Maybe."

"I dont. Let me go, I have somethng to take care of."

"What is it?"

"Non of your business."

"You know whats our business?"

"What?"

"Why are you walking around with a fucking faggot?"

"I dont understand."

"We saw you with hime- the last days. The one guy with pale skin and black hair. The faggot."

He just looked at them.

"The faggot? Yeah?" taking this word in his mouth made him feel disgusted.

"Dont you think its time to stop using thie word? How old are you? 10?"

"Why are you defending him? Are you one of them now too?"

The other guys laughed.

"I mean look at him- hes probably going back to him. Thats why hes wearing his bes clothes."

The guys continued to laugh.

"And even if I am- it not your problem anymore. I'm not your friend anymore. So I can do what ever the fuck I want."

"So youre fucking him. Disgusting. Monty would have beat the shit outta you. Sadly he died because someone rat about what he did."

Scott laughed this time.

"I bet he would have. Totally. Except I was a trued friend of him and he never judged me."

He turned around and pushed past between the other students- he still could hear them shit talking.

Scott didnt glanced over his shoulder and turned left around he almost ran Alex over.

"Scott."

"Alex."

"What are you doing here?"

"Taking care of Montys stuff."

"Hm. Jeard you talk with these guys over there. Are you staying with Winston."

"Maybe."

"How does it feel to be around someone whos fighting against us?"

"I dont care. You did something wrong and have to pay for it. Why are you even so angry about it? At me? You can stop that now. Its getting annoying."

Scott walked down the hall and Alex followed him, he entered an empty room.

"I am because I want to."

Zach appeared behind Alex, out of knowhere. As well as Clay, Justin and the rest of the group.

"So childish. You know I didnt sell out Montys trust so the next moment you could pin the murder of Bryce on him. I'm not your friend- The only one I actually just cared about in thsi whole group was Clay. And because I dont owe you anything I can do what I want. Step up for what you did wrong. You cant serve justice while cobering up a murder."

Alex blood boiled with every word he siad.

"Why do you even care? I mean Monty was a criminal. Murder or not."

"Because- surprise- he was my friend."

"Why are you helping Winston?"

"Because he thinks the same:"

"Yeah? Really?"

Zach grabbed Alex arm ad whispered a silent "Lets go". But Alex didnt want to stop.

"You're just helping him because you think hes hot."

Scott blinked in confusion.

"And I think you just killed Bryce because he wanted to fuck up Zachs life. The person you love so much but wont admit it because you're a coward. Wont even notice hiw much he liked you back."

Alex got furious and shoved Zach away from him, angrily.

"How dare you?"

Scott laughed.

"Thank me later."

Zach looked back and forth between them and started to blush.

"Wha... not true!" and he rushed away.

Alex looked afte him.

"You're gonna pay for this" and then he followed him.

Clay stared at Scott for some seconds.

"What? Do you want to complain too? Because I really dont eanna end up in a fight with you."

"No I .... who told you to look after me?"

Scott rolled his eyes.

"Should be pretty obvious. Dont it? It was Jeff."

"Oh... really...?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I dont know. Maybe bevause he knew you neeede help or something."

"But he was around most of the time."

"He was but it was for the time he couldnt be around."

Clay nooded to that.

"So... do you really think Winston is hot?"

Justin started to laugh.

"Dude dont ask that."

"But..."

"What the fuck Clay?" Scott said in confusion.

"I'm sorry."

"You know..." Scott started. "Everyone finds Winston hot- even the most hetero guys alive."

Clay laughed at this and pat him on the shoulder.

"Good joke man. You looked so serious saying that."

"Thats beause I was being serious.

He shook his head slightly and then walked away. Grabbing Montys stuff from the office.

After that he took the emergrency exit and rushed to the car- with it, he drove home.

He entered the house and went straight to the kitchen- the box with Montys stuff still in his hands. He placed it on the counter.

Scott made some coffee and was about to open up the fridge as he heard steps that stopped right in the doorframe.

Winston stood there- with a bit of a shocked look on his face.

It made him worrying.

"Somethings up?"

Winston just hsook his head, still kinda tired because oth the meds.

"I just..." he rubbed his eyes."

"Its just the... look on you. The clothes. Monty used to ear the m all the time."

"Oh...yeah... I can change it for something else if you want me to. If its more comfortable for you."

"No." Winston shook his head. "Its fine. Really."

He noticed the box on the counter.

"Whats that?"

"Montys last belongings. I thought you might wanna have them. Its not much but enough for you I hope..."

Winston took a seat and grabbed the box.

"You were in school right? How was it?"

"Seems like everyone of my former so called "friends" hate me now. But I dont really care. Met Alex and his friend again to. Had a little fight. But wasnt that bad. Still feels weird going back there..."

"I can imagine that."

"Anyway Winston... how are you feeling?"

"Good. Better than yesterday."

They had breakfast together as Scott received a message.

Sheri. She wanted to meet them.

"Hey Winston?"

"Hm?"

"Gotta problem coming with me to visit Jeffs grave?"

"You really think I should come with you? Why do you even want to visit him now?"

"Sheri just wrote me - she wants to go there. And she invited you."

"Oh really? If she wants me to come I'll say yes."

He wrote her back, that they would meet at 2pm.

Sheri: "It really didnt sound like you want to visit him yesterday.

Scott: "That was yesterday. Now is today and my mood is better too."

Scott took the bag with his clothes out of the car after they finished eating and headed upstairs as Winston stopped him.

"Already feeling like home here dont you?" he siad, pointing at the bag.

"Oh- I just thought that I should stay for some days more. Just in case."

"Right. I know that." Winston smiled.

He carried his bag up the stairs and placed it on the bed, he sat down next to it. He choosed some dark clothes for that occasion even though he knew that Jeff probably wouldnt like that.

Winston watched him from the door frame silently. Scott ddint notice him because he was stcuck in a daydream.

"Are you ready?" Winston said finally and Scott almost jumped.

"I am - I think."

They got into Winstons car and drove the long way to the graveyard.

There he parked the car in an empty spot and togther they walked up the way- Sheri was already waiting for them there.

"Finally here- I think I was to early." She laughed and looked at Winston.

"Nice to see you again- now we'll introcude you to our best friend." she whispered quietly, not to disturb the other visitors.

Together they walked to Jeffs grave - which was decorated with many flowers.

"Looking good." Scott said, after seeing all these flowers.

"Obviously it must be. Jeff was such a sweetie."

Sheri claimed, Scott secretly agreed to it.

"So why'd you chose to come? Yesterday you sounded a bit stressed."

He looked at Winston for some seconds.

"Well... Winston helped me to understand that I shouldnt feel resposible for Montys death."

Sheri tilted her head slightly.

"What does that has to do with Jeff?"

"I...." he looked at Winston again. "I guess... I ahve to tell you something."

And he told her. About everything. About what Jeff told him- what he ased him for. About Monty. About Clay. That Scott flt like the burdern was all on him.

He strayed calm through all of it.

"He had to much hopes in me- Monty and the others dragged me deep into their darkness. That non of theri fault. If only, thene mine. Because I knew what would happen."

"Oh damn... But... he should've never left it all on you. Ther was no chance of you to handle it all alone."

"I did it anyway- I wanted to."

Sheri and Winston both waited for a clear answer.

"I wanted to make him proud. Ther are still things I will always deny. For the fact that its now to late and never was about any relevance."

Sheri laughed.

#13 reasons why #13rw #monty de la cruz #winston williams #13 reasons why fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #scott reed #winston x monty #sheri holland

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