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empressofmankind · 4 months

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BEGGARS SHAN'T BE CHOOSERS - Part I

[Crocodile x F!OC]

SFW

(A/N) Better known as the 'Impel Down' fic, I kept mentioning the past two weeks. This is Part One. Of five? Of ten? I've given up. The total draft was > 12k. So, I split it in 3x 4k. And then, I noticed today the 'first part' had grown to >7k. So, I've split it again. I have a clear end in mind, but how long it'll take me to get there...

Originally, this fic was meant to focus around Buggy, but then a 2.53m unit of absolute bullshit got in the way. Shivs and her world class plans, good gods. Post-Alabaste, the mens are stuck in Impel Down. Shivs is dead set on springing the clown from prison. However, she'll first need to figure out where they're keeping him. On account of his devil fruit powers, she suspects level 6. And she has an excellent alibi to demand visitation to level 6. For once, the legal quagmire of technically still being married to Crocodile is going to work for her. Right? RIGHT??

In this first part, we'll join Shivs and Benji (and Mani!) as they get ready to, and make their way for, Impel Down. That's it, that's all that happens, and it took me near 4k. I am so long-winded. It's a terminal condition, I know.

Tag(s): Considering this is the entré, there isn't actually much to tag for? There's fluff and humour. There's a 10-year-old running around saying the absolute funniest shit as things go straight over her head. We got Mani the scaly golden retriever Bananawani along? Oh, and one (1) good marine.

🐊 🐊 🐊

Beggars Shan't Be Choosers - Part I

“They're stupid clothes,” Benji said, her brow wrinkling with petulant annoyance. She was wearing a crispy white dress shirt, a green-on-ochre striped vest and grey slacks. She'd refused a dress of any sort. Her flame orange hair was neatly brushed and her small face wasn't covered in grease paint for once.

“I think you look handsome,” Shivs said as she pinned her own red hair up with a two-pronged kanzashi fashioned with golden lotuses whose inlaid blue diamonds had not seen the light of day in years.

“I look stupid.”

“Look. I am not comfortable in my clothes either,” Shivs said and indicated the mid-thigh sheath dress of black lace on dark grey broadcloth she wore. She'd decided on sheer stockings to go with it, but no gloves.

“You look pretty in them.”

Shivs turned back to the mirror to finish pinning her hair and adjusting her bangs to fall neatly from under the strings of her eyepatch. “That is the idea, yes.”

Benji put her hands in her pockets, kicking her foot, making squeaky noises against the deck boards. “What am I supposed to look like? I don't want to be pretty.”

“You are supposed to look like the most capable and well-behaved child to ever grace the Blue.” Shivs pinched her cheek, gilt bangles jangling. “And you do when you don't stand with your hands wearing out your pockets like that.”

Benji took her hands out of her pockets. They idled a moment, undecided, but then she clasped them behind her back. “Your neck looks naked.”

Shivs laughed at that because the bateau neckline of the dress could certainly use something. “Yours too.”

She plucked one of Buggy's patterned neck scarves from a drawer and tied it around her daughter's neck, tucking the ends into the vest. “There.”

“You should wear a pretty necklace,” Benji said, though her eyes were on the scarf. She seemed to like that, at least.

Shivs didn't have all that many necklaces conventionally considered ‘nice’. Going through the few she had in her thoughts, she picked up her modest jewellery box. Then paused as her gaze lingered on the bottom drawer of her vanity. Maybe she should… She pulled the drawer open and reached among clothes she rarely wore, patting around until she found the old music box.

Its silver had blackened with age and negligence, but even so, its delicate engravings of waves and tall ships were fine. If she polished it now, the oxidation remaining in the fine creases would help pick out its details better than ever before. She didn’t, of course. And she didn’t open the lid either. She couldn’t remember if it was wound up, and didn’t want to hear its melody if it was.

Instead, she held it with both hands and turned its engraved body as if removing a lid from a jar. With a click, the top section came off. Within the tiny compartment revealed lay a small, gold hoop with a bent hinge. She’d long since let the earlobe puncture it used to occupy close. Taking a thin string from her jewellery box, she suspended it from that instead.

“Like so?” Shivs asked, drawing Benji’s attention as she fastened it around her neck.

“Don’t you have anything sparklier, like your hair thing?”

Shivs brushed the kanzashi. Though the era of having such things aplenty was long behind her, she was loath to detract from the last one that remained to her with lesser gems. Besides, he’d notice.

“Sadly, no.”

“Oh?” Benji gave her the thumbs up. “Gold is pretty too, I guess!”

Part of the reason she’d picked it was that it was 24-carat gold. Just like the kanzashi.

“Can I do your makeup?”

“Only if you do not turn me into a clown,” Shivs said as she sat down at her vanity so the girl could reach her face. Benji grinned and set to work.

When Benji declared she was done, Shivs turned to the mirror and had to admit the little girl was now officially better at this than her. She’d gone for a dark burgundy smokey eye with a flawlessly thin line of gold right at the root of her eyelashes and a touch of white on the waterline. It made the hazel of her good eye pop like nobody’s business. She was pretty sure the dark red lipstick was Buggy’s favourite to use himself.

“I like it,” Shivs said and Benji beamed. “Now, I just need shoes.”

“I'll fetch some!”

Benji was up and running out of the cabin before Shivs could protest. It was only a few minutes before the girl returned, clutching shoes in her arms. And not just any shoes, either. She held up gold-tinted, faux leather gladiator sandals with six-inch stiletto heels that would be a trick and a half to walk on. Where had she even found those?

“These will look awesome with your hair thing and necklace!”

She didn’t disagree as she put them on, but hoped the floors of Impel Down would be neatly packed concrete and nothing else. She hadn’t walked on heels like these in half a decade. Throwing a long bridge coat the rosy beige of dunes about her shoulders, she turned to the floor-length mirror.

Benji looked her up and down with the pinched expression of a critical, pint-sized costume designer grading their latest creation. “You look very pretty.”

Benji wasn’t wrong. She did look nice. Her mood sank, settling like an anchor in the pit of her stomach. She looked like his wife.

“Why is it OK to lie today?”

“It's not a lie.” Shivs shook the morose feeling and picked up her small black bag, its gilded chain rattling as she double checked its content. “More like, hm.”

“Make believe?”

“Yes. Yes, I suppose it is,” Shivs said as she snapped the bag closed and hung it from her shoulder. “It will be easier to convince them to let us visit if we look the way they’d expect.”

“Why would they let us visit uncle Crocodile? Aren’t those visits for, like, if you’re his mom or sister or baby or something?” Benji’s small face was filled with healthy scepticism, hands in her pockets once again. “We should pretend he’s my dad.”

Shivs flinched and struggled to keep her smile from faltering. “Well, only if we have to.”

“They’d have to be pretty bad people to stop a kid from visiting their father.” Benji took her hand. “I hope uncle Crocodile knows where dad is.”

“I am sure he knows.” Shivs gave Benji’s hand a squeeze. She’d no idea how she’d find out where Buggy was if Crocodile didn’t know. She couldn’t exactly demand that information on legal grounds like she had done with him. “Is Mani ready, too?”

“Yes! I scrubbed her squeaky clean and even picked her teeth and scales. She’s eaten and done a big poop.” Shivs tried to let the girl’s bubbly chatter lift her spirits. “I borrowed one of Richie’s sparkly collars and she looks flashy in it!”

“Sparkly? That sounds amazing.”

“It is! She likes sparkly things.”

“Let’s fetch her then and go before we are too late.”

Benji glanced up at her as they left the cabin. “How can we be late for an appointment we didn’t make?”

“We can be late for the only ship going there today.”

🐊 🐊 🐊

Benji had wanted to stand upon the prow as the government ship approached the Gate of Justice out of Enbies Lobby, because the skipper had said the Tarai current that would see them to Impel Down was chock full of sea kings. Shivs sat on a deck chair with a glass of wine, watching the girl run back and forth with binoculars she’d weedled from a matelot. On account of the seastone laminated hull, she doubted they would see any. However, there was no need to dunk on her chipper mood.

They were not the only visitors, more had trickled aboard to form a modest but motley company on the deck. She’d caught snippets of conversations as they walked by: a mother visiting her son; a brother, his sister. And she had a good guess what some of them were whispering about as they stole glances her way. She’d neglected to list any details regarding who they’d be visiting, but, in hindsight, she supposed the pony-sized bananawani lounging beside her gave it away.

She’d tied Mani’s rhinestone-infested lilac leash to her chair leg, to discourage the reptile from wandering or - worse - deciding to take a swim. Not that she had any illusion as to its ability to pull the chair straight from under her if it wanted to go. But Mani was a creature of habit and minimal effort. A minor inconvenience such as this would be enough to keep her snoozing on the deck.

“Spotted any big ones?” Shivs said when Benji came towards her for a sip of lychee ramune.

“Not yet.” Benji plopped down beside Mani, putting her skinny arm around her scaly neck as she slurped lemonade. “Did you know bananawani hunt sea kings?”

“Really?”

Shivs remembered the way the casino halls would darken as they swam by, their shadows passing beyond the glass as they glided towards the feeding platform. The unwitting sea king never stood a chance.

“They are their only known predator and totally hunt them,” Benji babbled happily while enjoying her drink. Mani’s eyes were still closed, but she’d shifted to lean into the little girl’s petting. “Do you think sea king tastes good?”

The water would run red but only for a short while, only until the currents whisked it away. Theoretically, the creature could make it out for the Rainbase oasis connected to the Sandora river.

“I bet Mani would prefer sea king chow,” Shivs said.

“I don't think they sell that at the pet stores.” Benji pouted as she hugged Mani. “She won’t be able to have a sea king snack until she’s big enough to hunt them herself.”

Hopefully, that would take a while yet. Bananawani could grow to colossal sizes, dwarfing mid-class tall ships. Shivs had no idea what they were supposed to do with a fully grown one. Or how to afford feeding the beast if there was no prey for her to hunt on her own. Rain Dinners’ bananawani never hunted alone.

Benji emptied her bottle with a big, noisy slurp, waking Mani. “Maybe we should have brought something?”

“A deck would have been nice,” Shivs said as she watched them. “We could have played slapjack.”

“No, I mean, for uncle Crocodile?”

Shivs flinched.

“You always say that it is nice to bring something when you visit someone. Especially if you want something from them in turn?” Benji scrunched up her face, rubbing Mani’s thick scaly neck. “I have, like, half a bag of marshmallows, but I didn’t think to bring them.”

“I have something for him, don’t worry about it.”

🐊 🐊 🐊

Impel Down was a fortress as ugly as it was unimaginative. It spilled onto the rapidly approaching horizon as a grey stain overtaking the limitless freedom of the open sea. And as they drew near on the Tarai current, its squat towers and crenellated battlements came into ever sharper focus until they dominated their entire surroundings. Curiously, there were no cannon embrasures, machicolations or any such defences one might expect from a proper bastion.

A fleet of warships rested at anchor along the approach to the underwater prison. The modest passenger ship they were on was dwarfed by the marine dreadnoughts they passed as the current pulled them inexorably towards the prison’s colossal gatehouse.

Benji had returned to the prow for the approach, and Shivs joined her there.

“It’s so huge!” Benji stared wide-eyed at the thick walls as they sailed under the barbican and into the secured harbour proper beyond. Mani sat beside her, holding her own leash.

“The vast majority of the complex is actually underwater.” Shivs counted the cannons peeking down at them through the embrasures, out of habit more than anything. She wondered if they had a standing firing crew to man them.

“Are we going underwater?” Benji hopped from one leg unto the other. “The Calm Belts are supposed to be full of Sea Kings! Maybe there will be a window, and I can see one? Maybe there will be wild Bananawani too!”

“It is a prison, so I don’t think there will be windows,” Shivs said in an attempt to calm the girl’s excitement and avoid utter disappointment if that turned out to be true. “It does reach quite a ways below the water surface. A few kilometres, perhaps? Yes, I think so.”

“Wow.” Turning to Mani, Benji added: “Let's find a window, I bet there will be wild Bananawani! You can say ‘hi’!”

Shivs took her by the shoulder when she saw the other visitors disembark. “Come, let’s not be late.”

Benji glanced up at her as they walked to the gangplank. “For the visit we didn-?”

“Don’t say that,” Shivs interrupted her with a quelling look.

“Right.” Benji smiled again and took Mani’s leash. “Come on Mani. Can’t be late!”

They were funnelled through the gatehouse and into a courtyard patrolled by marine sentries. Here, too, cannons peered through embrasures on all sides. Evidently, the prison was more concerned about threats to its security rising from within than without.

“Visitors for level 1 and 2 inmates, that way,” a young marine officer said as he gestured to a colleague. “Level 3 and up, with me.” The few people that joined them as they went to the marine officer gave the juvenile Bananawani plodding beside them a wide breadth.

The officer led them up steps and into an wholly uninviting lobby. With its worn plaster walls and dirty grey linoleum floor it did its very best to make you want to leave as soon as possible. No seats, no plants, no windows, no nothing.

“Registration check.” The marine officer motioned them towards the looming concrete counter on the other side of the unpleasant space. “In an orderly manner, gentlefolk.”

Benji put her arm around Mani, leaning into the large reptile and putting her nose against its scales as she eyed their casually hostile surroundings.

“What’s his name?” The marine officer’s tone was amiable, conversational.

“Hers!” Benji said, holding on tighter to the Bananawani.

He tried to catch her gaze with a smile. “Big girls, both of you.”

“Her name is Mani.”

“Ah, ‘she who averts harm’,” he said, and Shivs appreciated his attempts to make Benji feel comfortable. “A wise choice for such a hardy animal.”

“She’s very sweet and tough,” Benji agreed as she snuggled Mani. “I love her.”

“I am sure she loves you very much too.”

“What is your name?” Benji asked. “Mine is Benji!”

“Nice to meet you, Benji,” the young marine said. “Mine is Toby.”

By then it was their turn, and Shivs approached the desk. It was higher than such things normally were, for she was not a particularly short woman and yet she need not bend down to meet the registrar’s gaze.

“State your name and purpose?” the woman said, hands poised to take down the information.

“Figarland Seonaid. Conjugal visit,” Then added when she saw her transcribe it as ‘Sheona’: “That is without the H, and spelled with N-A-I-D.”

The registrar gave a sign of neither interest nor recognition. “Visiting?”

“Crocodile Niall.”

The woman paused when she heard that name. And Shivs ignored the whispers she could not quite catch from those behind her in line.

“Niall. N-I-A-L-L. Not ‘Nile’.”

The registrar flipped through a thick binder, finger running down a table packed with dense handwriting. “No visitation registered.”

“Preposterous,” Shivs said, overacting an affronted tone. “A signed request for visitation has been approved weeks ago.”

“There is no record of it, ma'am.”

Benji let go of Mani to fling her arms around Shivs’ waist instead, and gave the registrar and marine officer her most watery of wobbly baby looks. “Mommy, I want to see daddy!”

Shivs rubbed her shoulder, giving the registrar the pleading look of parents the world across trying to desperately manage a child on the brink of wailing. Benji's little sob into the fabric of her dress was very convincing. Mani paced around them, uncertain but riled by the sudden change of mood.

“Can't you put in an expedited request?” Shivs suggested, trying her damndest to sound sincere. “She'd been looking forward to it, and we get so few chances.”

“No registration, no visitation,” the woman said as Benji took in a breath to start a wail.

Toby shook his head. “Let me see what I can do,” he said as he produced a small, earpiece Den Den Mushi and put the sea snail against his ear. A few transmissions later, he turned to the registrar and held up his hand. “Two visitor badges, please.”

With due reluctance the registrar handed them over to him and he turned to Benji. “There you go, kiddo,” he said as he gave her one, and then Shivs as well. “Courtesy of the vice-admiral making the curator see reason.”

“You're the best!” Benji beamed. “Look, mom, I am number 17! What is yours?”

Shivs looked at the scuffed 13 on the badge. It reminded her of a poker table she used to deal at, and the memory settled in the pit of her stomach like a fetch of cannon balls. “Not as high as yours, sweetie.”

“Come, I will see you two down to the right level,” Toby said, and led them to the elevator room beyond the lobby. There were four, two on the left and two on the right. He took them to the far right one, the doors opening as they approached.

“Awesome!” Benji said as she rushed inside, Mani hot on her heels. For the elevator was made entirely of armoured glass and provided a grand view of the ocean sprawling all the way across the horizon. The afternoon sun kissed the waves, setting sparkles to the white-capped water. And Shivs felt it beckon in her bones.

Benji gave him a hopeful look. “Are we going underwater?”

“We are,” Toby said as he put a key in the control panel and turned it.

When the doors slid closed, Shivs suppressed the sudden and overwhelming urge to get out, to leave and never look back. To stay at the surface, where they belonged. I have to, she told herself as she clenched her hands into fists around the chain of her handbag. Bugs is down there, and he hates the dark beneath the waves.

The elevator jolted to life and Shivs closed her eyes, ignoring the sound of the lapping waves against the glass as they submerged, focussing on Benji’s excited noises instead. When she opened them again, they were enveloped in blue. Sunlight still penetrated, sending curtains of light through the water. Less so with every foot they descended, as the blue grew deeper, darker.

“A Sea King!” Benji screamed, spooking Mani as she glued herself against the glass. In the far distance, blurred in the shifting hues of the blue, swam a long, serpentine creature, its body undulating as it made its way from somewhere to elsewhere.

“It could be the Prince of the Deep,” Toby said as he came to stand beside her. “It has about the right shape. Colour too, perhaps.”

Benji glanced at him, her eyes large and eager. “Prince?”

“Yes, because he is a prince among his kind. The largest Sea King in this part of the Calm Belt,” Toby said. “Ten times larger than Coral Grove, our largest dreadnought.”

“Wow.” Benji pressed her face against the glass. “Mani could snack on that for years.”

“Wouldn’t it be tough for her to hunt such a large creature?” Toby said, not without humour.

Benji rolled her eyes. “Not right now, she’s a baby. But she’ll be big and strong one day! Bananawani hunt Sea Kings, did you know?” she said and babbled the poor marine’s ears off about the large reptiles for some minutes.

As the armoured glass elevator descended to deeper water, their surroundings became steadily darker. Shivs put her gaze on the glass floor and the pitch black abyss below. It was easier to face the darkness approaching than the light receding, the sparkle of the sun on the water surface dwindling as you sank. The sea has never been friendly to man.

Beside her, Benji had put her arm around Mani as she looked up. No more sea kings down here.

“The 6th level is also called ‘The Basement’,” Toby said, making the girl glance away from the ever more distant sunlight. “Do you know why?”

Ghosts in the attic and monsters in the basement, Shivs thought as she recalled the sailors’ idiom about grief with its haunting memories and stowed feelings.

Benji eyed him, holding on to Mani still. “Because it's dark and far down?”

Because nobody goes there if they can help it. Shivs stared at the watery dark beneath their feet. The sea floor might never come and she'd not be surprised.

“Nope!” Toby said, his smile bright in the dimming light. “Because it is where all the cool people stay.”

Benji’s mood lit up. “My unc- Dad, is super cool! He's actually made out of sand, like, for real.”

“Are you made out of sand?”

Shivs gaze snapped onto him like a hawk. He was looking at Benji, fondness soft on his youthful face. He couldn't be much older than 20 or 22.

“I don't think so?” Benji let go of Mani to brush at her clothes, then glanced at him. “Do you want to pet her?”

Toby smiled. “Absolutely.”

🐊 🐊 🐊

Horny hell seat reservations - @tiredemomama @smut-goblin @ruledbyproblematique @momodwriter @littlemountainwolf @fanaticsnail @feral-artistry - except there's no horny. Croc isn't even in it either. I feel like a cheat.

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authenticleviackerman · 3 months

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What i think about Levi (having to) be miserable about the rumbling

this topic has been mentioned by user: @leviismybby

Some people think that after all the trauma of the rumbling happening, levi HAS to be miserable. After all, he's seen thousands of innocent people die and others died out of his sight, which must have scarred him to a degree for sure.

I think that after the rumbling, Levi would be traumatized. The rumbling is of course an allegory to a world war, and the fact is, no soldier has been quite the same after a war, and no person has been the same after various type of trauma. Looking up the definition of the word, you'll stumble upon this:

So in other words, each of us could be affected by trauma at any point in time. The difference between regular fear or sadness is that trauma affects you DEEPLY. It is something that could lurk inside of your head for years, sometimes even your entire life. Next, we'll look up at how trauma can affect a person.

Of course let's remind ourselves that what we're talking about is only fiction, but Isayama actually did a really good job at writing Levi. Looking at the symtoms, Levi has undirectly displayed quite a few of these symptoms, even if they were subtle.

RECURRENT, UNWANTED MEMORIES OF THE EVENT:

This symptom is not that present with Levi, as he often keeps a stoic, often numb outlook on things while Eren expresses distress over these. However, given the age gao between Eren, Reiner, Mikasa, or everyone else and Levi is that he has more experience with them. He is never questioning their sanity or doubting them in any way, but calming them down, since he probably has had his own fair share of experience.

FLASHBACKS

Again, this isn't something that occurs to Levi often, or *they aren't obviously shown* to be precise. But you see, he most likely does experience some form of them from his childhood back in the underground, by feeling the need to clean things up even when it wouldn't bother other people. He probably gets reminded of the little room he lived in with his mom and how he felt insecure about it since coming to the surface, as we've seen in the No Regrets OVA.

Thus, i doubt that rumbling hasn't left a mark on him.

UPSETTING DREAMS OR NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE EVENT

We all know that Levi suffers from insomnia. And honestly, all things considered, it makes sense.

SEVERE EMOTIONAL DISTRESS OR PHYSICAL REACTIONS TO SOMETHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF THE TRAUMATIC EVENT

This was all i could think about at the scene where he brutally kept slashing Zeke's limbs in order to prevent him from regenerating back. Some people could argue that it was simply to prevent Zeke from turning back into a titan, but i would argue that we've seen a much more efficient method back when Eren infiltrated Marley (specifically tying up his leg in a bandage, which has been proven as a functioning disguise)

So, Levi's judgement has been rash and unplanned, out of control even, since he not only endangered the life of someone he had to restrain but KEEP ALIVE, but his own, as well.

TRYING TO AVOID THINKING OR TALKING ABOUT THE SPECIFIC EVENT

This is also subtly alluded in the show, as he never told anyone about the past with his mother.

AVOIDING PLACES, ACTIVITIES OR PEOPLE THAT REMIND YOU OF THE TRAUMATIC EVENT

Now this is an interesting part, because Levi doesnt avoid much from his past, except the underground. But, who he has a complicated relationship with, is Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. He acts cold with them at times, harshly at others, but ultimately, he's trying to subconsciously fix his past mistakes.

The physical resemblance to his past friends is probably no more than a coincidence, but they do share aspects of Isabel's and Furlan's personalities that Levi sees in Eren and Armin, such as Isabel's undying curiosity about the outside world, and Furlan's analytical strategist mind, similar to Armin's. Now, you would think that the one Levi sees himself in the most is Mikasa given their ties to the Ackerman clan, but the thing is, Levi didn't know he was an Ackerman unril Kenny told him, meaning he saw her strength and want to do everything alone as simply something they shared. Eren however is also similar to younger Levi in terms of being hot headed, just like he used to be. As we all know, Furlan and Isabel died because he gave in and let them go on a mission he knew they could not survive, so now he had to watch Erem, Mikasa and Armin grow up, subconsciously being reminded of them, because their deaths caused him a lot of emotional distress.

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOURSELF, OTHER PEOPLE, OR THE WORLD:

In this part i'd like to leave some screenshots, which i believe speak for themselves.

and also this one

This might not seem like much, but his thinking and personality HAVE BEEN AFFECTED, no matter how stoic his face might be.

HOPELESNESS ABOUT THE FUTURE

Now, this is a 2 sided topic. When watching attack on titan, i noticed Levi's and Mikasa's loyalty, which however feels almost *passive*. You never see Mikasa or Levi having dreams like Armin who wants to see the sea, Erwn who wants to be free, Annie who wished to live a peaceful life, or Jean who wanted to date Mikasa.

Mikasa nor Levi have never expressed having a single wish which would not involve a person important to them. However, even Mikasa had something Levi didn't, and that is, hope for the future. Mikasa wanted to live a life with Eren. When it comes to Levi, he never really expressed any wish or hope because truth be told, after losing Erwin and Hange, he didn'thave any. His only goal was to complete his mission and prove that his comrades didn't die in vain.

I know what you might be thinking, but he opened his own teashop because he loved tea! Yes he did indeed do that, but again, he wasn't alone. He took in Gabi and Falco, so he had a reason to keep going. Now, some of you may say that that's not how a broken person would think, but oftentimes, we TRY to find a reason to survive. We TRY to keep going. We WISH TO WANT TO KEEP GOING. That said, Gabi and Falco are an important part of his life, they definitely help him stay grounded after the war. After all, he has been thrown from one kind of chaos to another where you have to adjust to a vastly different life in a short amount of time, but they undoubtedly do help him get by, maybe even find joy of the little things in life that he had no time to appreciate earlier.

MEMORY PROBLEMS, INCLUDING NOT BEING ABLE TO RECALL CERTAIN PARTS OF THE EVENT.

this is an aspect i can't really explore so far, as we know almost nothing about Levi's life post war. Maybe the new manga coming out will give us more insight.

DIFFICULTY MAINTAINING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

This one is pretty obvious. Levi did say women were quite interested in him, but he didn't seem to think of any of them in a romantic way. In fact he was mostly reserved even towards his own squad, only chatting with Hange who considers Levi a very good friend, and Erwin, whom he is loyal to as Mikasa is to Eren.

FEEKING DETACHED FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS

This has been described in the previous paragraph at least for the most part, but i think it should be important to mention that he didn't really show an interest in Hange suggesting they should live together in a hut somewhere (that doesn't mean that he disliked or liked the particukar idea, i just wanted to show an example)

LACK OF INTEREST IN ACTIVITIES YOU ONCE ENJOYED

We know that Levi doesn't really seem to show fondness towards any hobby other than cleaning (which is mostly a trauma response) other than drinking tea perhaps, but i don't think there's anything else i could mention other than the fact that we've never seen him relax. Even while they were at the sea, he just awkwardly stood there. I am the kind of person which is mostly quiet among people reading my book, though it doesn't necessarily mean i feel bad in any way, so again, we might gain some more insight in the new manga chapter.

DiFFICULTY EXPERIENCING POSITIVE EMOTIONS

Again, he didn't seem to be happy about any of their accomplishments as soldiers.

FEELING EMOTIONALLY NUMB

Now, contrary to the popular belief that Levi is "stoic" (which is mostly his face going numb at best, you see where i'm going?)

Levi feels intense emotions. Problem is, it happens rarely. It happened when he saw Isabel and Furlan's deaths (the moment when he went emotionally numb) and when he saw Kenny for the first time in years for example (or turning Zeke into a kebab).

In short, please don't confuse stoicism with Levi's unhealthy way of not expressing emotions. Stoicism isn't about that. He just feels constantly on edge.

(And to be honest i don't think Kenny was the type of a parental figure to encourage Levi to express how he feels)

BEING EASILY STARTLED OR FRIGHTENED

This is something that wasn't expressed, so i won't talk about that.

ALWAYS BEING ON GUARD FOR DANGER

again same as the previous point however i think this is very likely as Levi was able to tell an attack was going to happen a second before it actually happened.

SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR

This is something Levi does. He always wants to work and fight, even if he's in pieces. He doesn't care how much he gets hurt. He just wants to save his comrades and complete his mission, blocking out everything else, including his own well being, which can be self destructive behavior. After all, just remember the screenshot i put above.

TROUBLE SLEEPING

an obvious one, definitely continues after the war too.

TROUBLE CONCENTRATING

Levi needs someone to guide him. Otherwise, his own thinking rarely ever ends well

IRRITABILITY, ANGRY OUTBURSTS OR AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

I'm just going to provide a manga exerpt here. No matter what the circumstances were, it was aggressive and they changed it in the anime too.

OVERWHELMING GUILT OR SHAME

There have been instances where Levi felt guilty and sad. For example when he could do nothing but watch Hange die, all of his other comrades, when he burdened his squad by allowing himself to be severely injured.

Even before, back in the no regrets special he felt ashamed for the soldier calling his room dirty.

Overall, I'd say that Levi was definitely affected by his experience a lot, but Gabi and Falco give him a reason to keep going, as even the biggest problem won't feel as impossible when you're not alone.

If you ever feel anxious, depressed, alone or just need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. My DM's are always open <3

In the end, i'd like to say that Attack on Titan is a work of fiction and is not reflective of real life, on the other hand, i believe that talking about things like this can help people learn. By writing this post i don't mean to hate on Levi's character at all, i just simply wanted to express my POV. He's a character which is very close to my heart as we're similar in a lot of ways, and he actually helped me deal with many of my issues. I AM ALSO NOT A PROFESSIONAL, JUST A NERDY STUDENT WITH SPECIAL INTERESTS.

Thank you very much for reading. ^-^

Authentic Levi Ackerman

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