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theoreticslut · 3 years

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“Do you feel the same?” // d.m.

derek morgan x reader

requested: for @anxiousblanketqueen ’s bday writing challenge!

word count: 1.7k

warnings: slightly angsty, but overall just fluff & flirting

A/N: okay, first ever derek morgan fic & I’m not sure how I feel about it. I like it, but at the same time I feel like it’s just not as good as it could be, you know? in all fairness, i am still trying to get through the series so I don’t have a total grasp at his character yet, but I tried. let me know what you think? It’d be so deeply appreciated 💗 anyways, I have another fic for Jill’s writing challenge that I’m thinking I’ll put out either thursday or friday?! It’s a spicier one so that’s exciting. keep an eye out for it! Xx

taglist: tagging my general taglist once again - if you don’t read for criminal minds, just ignore this. Also, if you still havent filled out my new taglist form, please do! Xx

general taglist - @accioalix @captaincactusjuice @inglourious-imagines @keepawaythenargles @lemongrasshoney @onyourgoddamleft @valiantobservationkitty @concepcion @eternallyvenus @fandomwhoress @fleurho @fredweasleyzwh0re @harleigh110 @hufflepuffflowers @hufflrpuffforfred @i-miei-amori @littlemisswitt @sammy-the-gay @sightiff @starstruckgranger @teenwolfbitches2 @watermelonsugar2810 @harrypotterwifey @ioverslane99 @darthwheezely @callmelilone @teawiththeweasleys @softlyqoos @justmesadgirl @xuckduck @filipi-yes @aestheticwh0r3 @siredkai @matsuno-nadeshiko @msmarklee1213 @immajustreadwritereblog @msmimimerton @perfectlysane24 @mischievous-queen @bunnyboo7 @grandeoptimist @daddystevee @slytherinxhunter @streetfighterrichie @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @isthereanymorejello @karushinekomiya @p0gue420 @hogwartslut @sebby-staan @fredshmeasley

General CM - @anxiousblanketqueen @your-hispanichufflepuff @yikesyikesyikes95 @livvysnaps

It’s unusually quiet as everyone boards the jet. While the case had ended as good as one can, it had been a long and extremely tiring ordeal. You’re pretty sure that everyone is in agreement that you all need a day off to rest.

However, the best you can get at the moment is to try to get some peace on the flight back, and maybe if your lucky, get an hour or so of sleep.

Unfortunately, you are not one of the lucky ones.

“How’re you doing?” Derek asks as he settles himself into the seat across from you.

“Fine. Tired, but I think we all are.” You smile, drawing a chuckle from the man.

“You got that right, y/n.”

You nod lazily as you take in his appearance. He tries to hide it, but you can see how tired he is in his eyes and in how his shoulders sag.

“Enjoying the view, sweet girl?”

“Sure,” you scoff with a smile, eyes automatically rolling in their sockets.

Ever since you started at the BAU, you and Derek have had a flirtatious relationship with each other. It started with him throwing flirty comments your way to see you get all flustered and annoyed, but as soon as you started throwing them back, it’s become more of a game to see who could be more flirtatious. So far neither of you have yet to win.

“You know, you scoff and roll your eyes, but I think - no, I know - that you secretly do like me.” He smirks, loving as you shake your head and try to bite back a smile.

“Yeah right, Morgan. If that’s what helps you sleep at night.”

At that, he lets out a hearty laugh which you hate to admit sends butterflies to your stomach. In an attempt to hide just how much he gets to you still, you pull out a book and flip to the page you left off on.

~.~

It’s been nearly an hour and a half since you’ve started reading and Derek hasn’t been able to stop admiring you. He tries not to make it obvious, but he can only pull his attention from you for a few minutes at most.

In all honesty, he didn’t want to stop admiring you. If he could, he be more than happy to just watch you all day, every day.

You’ve only become more sleepy since boarding the plane and reading. Curling yourself up into a small ball, and yawning continuously for the last half hour, It’s impossible for Derek to not find you adorable.

“Derek, I can feel you looking at me.”

He can’t help but smirk as you don’t even look up from your book. You don’t even try and yet you’re stunning.

He’s adored you since the moment you first walked through the BAU doors four years ago. He didn’t realize then that the beautiful woman walking through the doors was going to be his teammate, but it’s been an enjoyable four years ever since.

While the nature of this job may be dark at times, he only needs to look at you to find light. Not only are you unbelievably attractive, kind, and empathetic, but your so brilliant and skilled at so many things - the job in particular. Out of all the reasons he could hate the job, he would always say how great it is as long as he got to work with you.

“Yeah? And?”

“Can you stop?” You question, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“I can, but I’m not sure I want to.”

“And why’s that?”

He smiles, a little chuckle leaving his lips as you finally look up at him.

“You’re really nice to look at. Wouldn’t want to deprive myself of such a beauty,” he winks.

“Oh good god, Derek. You sure are laying it on thick tonight.” You groan, wondering how you found yourself here.

It’s not that you didn’t like his flirting and sweet comments, but you just worried what it all meant at times. He obviously was flirty with Penelope, but it was obvious that they were the best of friends. With you, you couldn’t tell. Maybe it’s because you couldn’t tell what you wanted it to be. Either way, it scared you.

“I’m just telling you the truth, darling.”

You shake your head, trying to hide a smile as he watches you. You don’t need to fall for him. You don’t need to fall for your teammate more than you already have.

It’s easy to find yourself swooning to Derek’s words, and even easier to find yourself falling for him, but you needed to stop it. Being in love with a teammate will only make things difficult, if not ruin things completely.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask, not able to ignore his almost love-sick stare.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re in love or something.”

“Maybe I am.” He shoots back, thoroughly shocking you. It’s hard to keep quiet when you had nearly choked on air.

You try to keep a calm façade, but you’re certain he can read the panic in your eyes.

“Derek...”

“No, I know. I know it’s hard being in love with someone doing this job, even harder when it’s someone on the team, but I can’t help it, y/n.”

You look around the jet to find everyone either sleeping or preoccupied with their own entertainment. You sigh, glad that no one is overhearing this.

“Derek...what do you want me to do?” You sigh, heart sinking as your mind runs a mile a minute.

“Like you said, it’s hard enough being in love with someone while doing this job, let alone that person being someone on the team.”

He sighs, frowning as he falls back into his chair, not really sure what to say. He knew to never share his true feelings with you, but he got so caught up in the back and forth that he couldn’t stop himself from spilling.

“Do you feel the same?”

You look at him, making contact with his beautifully dark eyes. You sigh softly, reading the emotions swirling behind his irises.

“I think so.”

“You think so?”

“Derek, it’s easy to fall for you when you’re you. You’re so physically and mentally strong, you’re unbelievably knowledgeable, you’re talented in so many ways...” You start, watching as he watches you with his full attention.

“You’re funny, and sweet, and so much fun to be around. You’re a natural leader with the charisma to match, and I swear you know how to light up a room without trying. You make people around you feel comforted, and you never break your promises. You’re undeniably amazing...”

“But?” He asks, still watching you.

“But I’ve tried so hard to not let myself fall for you because of the risk it would be, and if you know anything about me, I know awfully well how to put up walls...especially when it comes to my heart.”

“God, I know. You take on everyone else’s pain and sell yourself out to the very last string, but god forbid if anyone try to do the same for you.” He chuckles, shaking his head at the situation.

“I’ve seen you, y/n. I know you’re friends with everyone on this jet right now, but I’ve seen how you don’t let a single one of them help you when you really need it. I suppose that’s one of the things that I came to like about you.”

“What do you mean?”

You watch as he chuckles, shaking his head, before meeting your gaze.

“I love how you’re willing to help everyone else, but I want to be the one to get through to you that you need someone to help you. I want to be that person who helps you when you won’t let anyone else.”

You bite back a smile as you take in his words. Out of everyone, you have always felt the most comfortable asking Derek for help. That doesn’t mean you ever have though.

You have to admit though that it’d be nice knowing someone is on your side and willing to comfort you like you comfort others.

“You’re making me fall for you again, Derek Morgan.” You huff playfully.

“Sweet girl, I’ve already completely fallen. The least I can do now is to catch you.”

You shake your head, trying your hardest not to let that smile break, but it’s impossible when it’s derek.

He smiles himself as he watches you, biting your lip although the smile has already taken over your face. God what he would give to see that smile directed at him every day. Just knowing that he can cause you to smile that sincerely, and that big, has his heart melting.

“I’d love to be with you, Derek, but I think we both know neither of us can step away from the job. We’d have to be able to put our relationship on pause whenever we’re on a case...”

“I know. Trust me I know. I’m more than willing to try it though if you are.”

“Okay then.”

He smiles, watching as a small blush heats up your cheeks, smirking when he gets an idea.

“Y/n y/l/n, when this jet lands, would you give me the honor of taking your pretty face on a date?”

You can’t help but chuckle as you nod. Only Derek would ask you out on a date in the goofiest of tones, but you can't say you mind it. You’ve always liked just how happy he makes you.

“I suppose I will.” You smile, chuckling as he punches the air in excitement before leaning over to kiss your cheek.

“This will be the best decision of your life, I swear it. I love you so much, y/n.”

“I love you too, Derek. More than you probably realize.”

He smiles, placing a kiss to your forehead before scooting into the seat beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You chuckle but can’t stop the smile from gracing your features as you pull your book back up to your face to read, already feeling so much safer - and happier - in derek’s arms.

#JTR23 #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #derek morgan #derek morgan x reader #derek morgan fluff #derek morgan angst

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lesbiansforboromir · 3 years

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Let me tell you all about a very personally satisfying HC I have that, whilst perhaps explaining some things within the books, is really just for my own enjoyment.

So, the idea originates in the concept that everyone in the Dol Amrothian line are very spooky. The close elven lineage and living near an old abandoned elven haven had particularly mysterious effects on the whole family. Sure there are Dunadain in Gondor and they can develop certain spooky traits, but the Lords of Dol Amroth start out spooky and usually stay that way. It goes up and down depending on the individual, but generally they are all uncanny at the very least.

Denethor can see into the hearts of men, yeah ok cool I guess. Imrahil goes down to the Dol Amroth harbour at dusk and whispers to the swans until midnight, he answers questions you were sure you did not say out loud, he can make you weep with genuine grief over a sadness he hasn’t even mentioned. Speaking with Finduilas sometimes makes you feel like time passes in an instant, or incredibly slowly, or not at all... except no... really... how much time has passed? Wasn’t it just morning? How is the sun setting already? Or, oh my gosh, I’m going to be late! Or... not..? it’s barely been a few moments, yet I feel like I just lived a lifetime...

Ivriniel insists this is all nonsense, doggedly, she refuses to acknowledge it, no matter how many political rivals raise her considerable ire and come down with a mysterious and debilitating illness the next day. Grandmother Duilindes is just straight up a witch. ‘It’s all for the honour of Eru’ she says placatingly, as she enters her rooms in the Palace that she forbids anyone else from entering.

Denethor had heard these rumours before meeting Finduilas and, sure, he sometimes feels like he is being hunted, only to turn and find Adrahil’s eyes on him. But Dunadain are just a little strange like that! Surely it’s been blown out of proportion. He believes this up until he comes to Dol Amroth as Finduilas’ suitor.

Denethor: Shall we take a walk after dinner? Everyone looks up from their plates in alarm Adrahil: Are you joking? Denethor: ??? Imrahil: It's the seventh day! The gardens aren't to be disturbed! Denethor, whispering to Finduilas: What does that mean?? Finduilas, chuckling: oh, Denethor!

He sees Imrahil whispering to the swans at one point and is about to call out to him before Finduilas quickly gestures him silent.

Denethor, whispered: What is he doing? Finduilas: Shh, if the swans hear us we'll surely be attacked. Denethor: But then shouldn't Imrah- Finduilas: SHH.

One evening Ivriniel sweeps in with a stormy countenance, muttering over Lord Garahel’s stupidity. The next morning Denethor hears Imrahil mention that Lord Garahel has been taken ill with some fainting sickness. The look he gives Ivriniel is enough for her to know his mind.

Ivriniel: Your imagination will run wild Denethor, I had thought you more reasonable. You think I, what? Cursed him? Don’t be ridiculous. Denethor, turning to Finduilas: Do you think... she knows she's doing it? Finduilas: Oh no, in fact she's determined to remain ignorant to it. Denethor: Can you... do that? Finduilas: I havent tried :)

At some point Finduilas had told Denethor that ‘Imrahil is the odd one of the family’ and by the end of the visit all Denethor can think is ‘by what metric??’

Denethor had to admit to himself privately that he was not at all put off by Finduilas’ nature, but he did have cause to worry what their children would be like. Finduilas came across Denethor, early after Boromir’s birth, rocking him to sleep and murmuring softly; 'I may have my failings as a father, I am sure I shall, but I swear they will be honestly meant, I love you so dearly my son... please do not curse me when you are older and I do not allow you everything you ask. I promise I only ever have your wellness in mind.' And she thought it was very sweet and proper, but she didn’t tell him he was wrong! And for very good reason!

Boromir was an unnerving child. He learned to speak just a little too quickly, and when he did he would often say uncanny things, too knowing things, indecipherable things that became daunting the longer you thought about them. He had such a powerful grasp of complex feeling that he would often solve arguments between adults, explain emotions back at his parents or offer reasons for another child’s behaviour that were so accurate it became uncomfortable.

3yo Boromir: (explains the reason Denethor’s secretary was distracted that day unprompted) Finduilas: (laughs) yes that's right! Denethor: It's.... TOO right. Finduilas: Oh well children are intuitive aren't they? Denethor, picking Boromir up: ... I feel under qualified to teach you things. Boromir: (baby-giggles but in a like way too knowing way)

And then sometimes Denethor would be sitting reading on a bench on a balcony in the early evening with Boromir contentedly playing with a fiddle-toy beside him, and suddenly his son’s voice would break the silence with; 'When I wasn't here I was colder, so I think I like it here, I'll stay. The air isn't as delicious but there's more to see.'

And then he’d go back to playing as though nothing was wrong whilst Denethor had an existential crisis.

Denethor: W.. where were you, before? Boromir: Well I didn't know, because I couldn't know, but now I can know things, just not that. I haven't decided if I like it.

He asks Finduilas about it as soon as he can find her and she just laughs, ‘don't worry he'll forget he knows that in a few years’ she says, as though that helps at all.

But in general this is as far as Boromir ventures into the ‘spooky Dol Amroth’ territory. Sometimes he mentions things he CHOSE NOT to do that suggests he is capable of more, but other than randomly forcing Denethor to consider his position in the universe and reading him for shit, the first five years of being a parent is fine for Denethor.

At one point, when Boromir was about two, someone asked Finduilas if they were planning for another baby soon. Finduilas laughed ruefully, as though everyone would know that was a foolish question. ‘Oh no, much too soon for that’ she said. Denethor knew he had to follow up on what the hell that meant later. But when asked, all Finduilas said was ‘Oh you know! If siblings are born too close then they align their powers. Haven’t you heard my father talk about my uncles?’ She says it with the same tone as reading something out of a parenting manual. Denethor doesn’t want to hear about Finduilas’ uncles, but accepts this is important and stops thinking about it.

And it’s a good thing they did wait because, whilst Boromir was unnerving, Faramir is straight up terrifying.

What Denethor realised was that Boromir had been showing restraint. Faramir however was very comfortable with his powers and saw no reason not to use them. Denethor would find himself lost in baby Faramir’s eyes, feeling unable to move simply because of the weight of his stare. Finduilas and Boromir would have to save him from Faramir’s grasp, an act that would make Faramir look very put out.

If people irritated Denethor when he was holding his youngest son, then just a glance from this child would make them drop whatever they were holding, Faramir grinning victoriously all the while. If Faramir did not want to take a bath then Finduilas would have to be present in case the baby decided to make Denethor relive his entire childhood.

Sometimes Denethor would come outside to see his toddler just surrounded by the street cats of Minas Tirith, conducting some kind of incomprehensible tribunal that all the cats appeared to abide by. At one point Boromir was holding Faramir when Faramir grasped his brother’s face and pulled so that their eyes locked. Boromir passively held Faramir’s intense gaze for a while in this charged and tense moment, before calmly looking away as Faramir pouted. Denethor once again begged Finduilas to explain, but all she had to give was a fond sigh and a ‘Aw, Faramir just wants to get to know him, but our Boromir is too canny, Ivriniel and I used to do that.’ Denethor is used to helpless bemusement and concern by now.

Now the SECOND part to this HC- YES I’M STILL GOING, THIS IS ALL IMPORTANT- the second part is that Dol Amrothians ALSO get a kind of ‘choice’. (This is likely not at all canon friendly tbh but uwu I can have a leetle canon noncompliance if it doesn’t effect the vast expansive canon... as a treat) It is far more unconscious and happens in childhood, but there is a point where a child will ‘decide’ to continue being spooky or to be more mundane. This never overrides ALL the spookiness, hence Ivriniel’s intermittent cursing and Finduilas’ occasional time dilation, but Imrahil still out spooks the lot of them. Amongst the family this is known as ‘settling’.

Boromir settles when he is eight. One day he comes to breakfast and Denethor looks into his son’s face and feels like he is suddenly more in the world, more in the moment. Boromir seems as himself as ever, but he makes friends easier afterwards. Whereas he had always been liked, now he is popular and has close relationships with children, rather than always seeming too distant. This also coincides with one of Gandalf’s rare visits. He had been trying to connect with Boromir, trying to engage him on very specific topics. Boromir had not been amused.

Denethor would never say that Boromir hating Gandalf’s vibes was the reason he settled for mundanity. Boromir had many good reasons, he is sure. But the fact that he chose that moment to settle, so that Denethor was allowed to watch Gandalf also realise that Boromir was no longer ‘apt to his hand’, well he might have gleaned some little pleasure from it.

The only aspect Boromir retains is his general resistance to such spookiness. Hence his frustration in both Rivendell and Lothlorien, the time distortion of those places not effecting him and the imposed rest not touching him, meaning he feels every passing day keenly. It also explains his resistance towards the Balrog’s doomful presence, as well as his heightened distress at Galadriel’s ability to see into his mind, where he had always been able to defend himself before.

Faramir on the other hand is seven when he settles, thoroughly content with his spooky powers and wanting even more command over them. It is with this settling that he becomes able to sometimes cause people pain for lying to him. Denethor... struggles as a single father for many reasons.

#erran vs tolkien #denethor #finduilas #imrahil #boromir #faramir #tolkien #lotr #urrr this isn't meta um...#it'll go into #soap operas in mannish sindarin #anyway #because it's fun #text post #long post

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caffiine · 4 years

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A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS. I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being” but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back.

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you.

#supernatural #destiel #deancas #oh and #saileen #just to make sure theyre not forgotten #dean winchester #castiel #Misha Collins #jensen ackles #15x18 #15x20 #15x19 #i fucking guess #dean x castiel #casdean #castiel x dean #supernatural season 15

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inspriredlyuninspired · 4 years

Text

The Stalker

Part 5

Modern!Ivar x Curvy!Reader. Able-bodied!Ivar, Dark!Ivar.

Warnings: Swearing, fighting, stalking, panic attack.

Summary: Y/n finds out who Ivar is, she is terrified that her life is in danger. She does not know if she should bring it up now. But she feels uneasy.

Word count: 2,025

Third Person POV

Y/n’s eyes went wide when she saw the door start to open. She looked behind her for signs of Ivar, but she could hear him still in the kitchen. She quickly slides into the office, closing the door behind her.

She tuns the lights on and looks around, it just looks like a normal office, the nerves in her stomach went away when she went over to the bookshelf looking through the thousands of books he seemed to have. She was about to leave, felling stupid for being suspicious. However, something caught her eye on top of his desk, there was a picture of her.

The nerves started to grow again, she walked over and gently picked it up. It was a picture of her on a run.

‘How the hell did he get this?’ She thought. She saw multiple envelopes labeled, “My Little Dove”. She knew those letters were about or for her. She saw a stack of papers about Danish exports, ‘oh great one thing he didnt actually lie to me about’ she thought.

Luckily she didn’t look through those papers, a picture of her was hidden in there. One night Y/n was changing in front of her window, Ivar thought he had hit the jackpot. Seeing her in just her bra and panties made hime go wild, that picture was tucked away for safe keeping.

Y/n walked around the desk, and a gasp left her lips. She saw a board with an astonishing amount of pictures of her on it. She looked through them all, she doesnt understand how he got these, unless he had taken them himslef.

At the bottom corner of the board a small piece of paper with the words

“one day i’ll be your man, not your stalker”

Y/n felt her chest tightening up, she couldnt breath. She could feel the panic attack coming. Thinking of what Ivar could want with her. ‘Does he want to hurt me? Kill me? Kidnap me?’ her thoughts quickly went from what he was going to do to her, to ‘Everyone in my life wants to hurt me. My parents, every friend i ever had and now my first boyfriend.’ She felt betrayed, Ivar had finally made her feel wanted and accepted. When everyone told her something was wrong with you, he told her he was proud of her for what she overcame.

Y/n quickly left the room and walked into Ivar’s room. Her breathing was so fast paced but, she couldn’t get enough air to her lungs. Her knees buckled and she was now curled up on the groun in the fetal position, trying to calm herself, she was too in her head she did not even hear Ivar calling for her.

Ivar callled for her but when she didn’t respond he skipped down the hallway looking fo her.

“Y/n! Little dove its time for dinner! Are you all ready for some movies and cuddles because i know i am-Y/N!” he quickly ran to her side.

“Little dove what’s wrong?” he was s confused, she was totally fine when he left her to shower. With her hair still being damp he did not think that she had left his room yet, let alone that she found out the biggest secret that he has ever needed to keep.

“i--i-- ca-can-can’t Bre-breathe” Ivar immediately recognized that she was having a panic attack. He scooped her up into his arms and held her there, close to him. He had read that holding someone having a panic attack can help. After a while it did help, her breathing returned to normal.

The strength in her body was gone, otherwise she would have pushed herself off of him. She was laying on his chest as he ran his hand through her hair, his back was leaning against the foot of the bed.

He moved her slightly, and stood up, following by picking her up. He wrapped her legs around his waist and she responded by wrapping her arms around his neck. She had a stone cold look on her face. ‘If he was going to kill me might as well not fight it’ she thought.

But he was never going to hurt her, thats the part she did not know.

“you need to get something in yout tummy little dove, lets eat and then we will lay down okay?” Ivar said, in a sweet little voice, not wanting to be overbearing in this delicate moment. All Y/n did was nod her head against his shoulder.

He sat her down at the table, he sat down next to her. He began to eat but she couldnt bring herself to eat. She felt terrible for seeming ungreatful, he had cooked a beautiful meal and here she was pushing it around on her plate like a child.

But finding out the man that is now your boyfriend has been stalking you for months tends to make you lose your appetite.

“What is wrong baby? You havent eaten anything. Do you not like it?-”

“No Ivar its wonderful. Thank you, i was just in my head thats all.” she gave hime a fake smile and started to eat. Even though she had reason to not want to please him, she never wanted anyone to feel bad for their kind act. She knows how that feels and wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemies.

After they ate, Y/n offered to do the dishes so Ivar could shower. He pepered little kisses all over her face, she smiled at them, even let out a little giggle. But remebering the situation at hand her giggles went silent and her smile instantly went away.

As she did the dishes, she thought of how she was going to bring this up to him, or what she was going to do.

She was thinking of ways she could talk about this with him, while he was in the shower worrying about her. He knew that she dealt with anxiety but his heart broke seeing her like that. As well as seeing how much her anxiety attack took out of her, how it exhausted her, he wanted nothing more than to take that pain from her and deal with it for her.

After he got out of the shower he threw on a pair of sweatpants and started making his way out to the kitchen to see her again. It had become habit to jiggle the handle of his office just to make sure its locked, but when he did it and saw it was unlocked his heart dropped to his stomach.

She knew. She knew everything. ‘Why the fuck was the door not locked?’ He thought to himself.

His heart was racing as he walked into the kitchen, he was going to let her bring it up first. If she hadn’t seen the pictures he didn’t want ot expose himself.

“Hi little dove, thank you for cleaning the kitchen it looks beautiful.”

He wrapped her arms around her and kissed her head, she didn’t melt into him like she normally did.

“lets go sit down and talk about what’s going on baby” He meant talking about her anxiety, but she had differrent plans.

They sat down, Ivar threw y/n’s legs over his lap and had a sweet smile looking at her. He thought that he was going to lose her, the same day that she became his. His world was crumbling to his feet.

“Ivar, i have a question for you, and please be honest with me.”

“of course baby, anything.”

“Did you stalk me? im sorry i went into your office, im sorry for being nosy but then i saw a picture of me and then a lot more pictures and then letters for me, i didn’t read them i just saw “Litle Dove” on them and i assumed they were written to me, its just why did you do that.” she rambled because she was nervous, and she felt the tears formming in her eyes.

Ivar let out a sigh, he never envisioned this happening.

“yes, i did but i can explain.”

“HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT IVAR?!?!” Y/n screamed, she stood up wanting to be away from him.

“Little Dove please sit down so we can talk about this.”

“why should i? what do you want with me, if you want to kill me just do it already. Everyone who i think is going to be good in my life just wants to hurt me. so please get it over with.”

“Y/N SIT THE FUCK DOWN.” Ivar screamed, Y/n jumped when she heard it. He had told her that he had anger issuses but she never thought that he would scream at her. She sat down not wanting to hear him yell again.

Ivar felt bad for having to yell, he knew she was very sensitive to yelling because of her past. But he needed ot explain himslef for everything.

“Little Dove, i will never hurt you. That’s part of the reason i did it. I wanted to protect you, but you didn’t know me yet. I’m sorry that it happened like that. I saw you running and i thought you were the most beautiful person i have ever seen. I knew from that day that i had to make you mine. I just never had the courage to talk to you, i wanted to impress you. You know how i told you that i was hated as a child, by everyone. I would not be able to recover from you rejecting me. So i thought i would admire you from afar.”

“Ivar that is no excuse for stalking me. My privacy feels invaded, i don’t know what you saw and what you haven’t. What do you know about me?”

“Well, almost everything.”

Y/n nodded as the tears ran down her cheeks. Ivar looked down knowing that she was going to leave.

“I know that i messed my chances with you completely up. I just want you i had no intntion of hurting you in any way. I wanted to protect you from anything that could hurt you. I wanted to be your guard dog, from your parents, from your personal battles. I have never met a person more perfect than you. Becasue i know you are going to leave, i just need you to know that i love you.”

There were tears now streaming down his cheeks, he was losing the girl who made his life brighter, the most precious creature to him.

“Ivar you made me feel valid for my feelings, and now i am questioning if that is genuine.” “My feelings for you have always been genuine, everything i have said to you has been genuine-”

“How you weren’t showing me your office because it was dirty? what else do i need to know?”

“Thats the only secret i have, i promise.”

“its getting late i should probably go home.” Y/n said while staring to walk towards Ivar’s room.

“Y/n please no, please don’t leave i cant lose you.” Ivar begged, he grabbed her hand and held it close to his heart.

“Little dove, its storming really bad, please stay the night.”

“fine. But do not touch me in bed.” Y/n crawled into bed and turned her back towards Ivar’s side of the bed. They laid there in complete silence, y/n facing the wall and Ivar looking at her. Neither of them could sleep. Not after the conversation that they just had. Ivar broke the silence by asking.

“Little dove? i have a question.”

“what is it Ivar?” her voice was still innocent and sweet but she did sound like she was crying.

“I have a family party this weekend, in Denmark. If you will come with me and just pretend that you like me, you can leave and press charges against me. I won't fight you on it.”

“Okay, and for the record i don’t have to pretend that i have feelings for you. I am falling in love with you. That is what is making this so much harder for me.”

To be continued.......

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius @lostgirl14480

#dark!ivar #ivar lothbrok #ivar x reader #modern!ivar #modern!vikings #vikings ivar #alex h?gh andersen #alex h?gh andersen fluff #alex h?gh x reader

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thebigsimp · 3 years

Text

Marco x f!reader - how can I live without you ?

SEASON 1 SPOILER !

summary: It's sad, then it's cute but you quickly become sad again because you remember what was sad at the beginning and the end is sad but it's also beautiful I hope

content: Marco spoiler season 1 f!reader/s.o

word counts: 1.3K

tw: death

notes: I swear to god I want to cry every time I think about this shit, he definitely deserved better... btw I didn't read it through since I've wrote it soooo you can totally say it's trash I won't mind, I guess. It's just that it's been a long time since I've posted and it just feels weird to not post still in finals exams tho but I got time to post this just for you if actually someone read it anyway ! hope you enjoy this sad writing.

I Knew Marco and I were made for each other, and now it’s like all of my life is collapsing before my eyes.

When Jean came up to me I knew, I don’t know how but I instantly knew that something was wrong. that Marco was dead.

I tried to convince myself that he would come back at some point and that it was only one sick joke, but he never did, at least alive.

“Hurry y/n we are not getting late again !” Marco was standing against the frame of my door watching me struggling with his teasing smile, knowing that I wasn't paying attention to his words. I’m screwed, I lost the bracelet that Marco gave me for our one year anniversary and we were about to go to a day of training... “wait wait please , I don’t know where I put it Marco and I-” and his laughing now, god If I could listen to his laugh all day long, life would be perfect.

“You know y/n no one is going to see that you don’t have your bracelet...” said Marco walking towards me with is reassuring smile. “This is the one we gave each other Marco I don’t go out without it !”, I was about to curse when we heard our commandant shout the names of the cadets, shit we are really late aren’t we...

“We are in training for the entire day honey, you will find it when we get back home tonight” “but Marco I-” “I’ll help you to find it but we need to go before commandant Sadies find out that we are late, let’s go” he’s right I don’t want to end up like Sasha.

For whatever reason commandant Sadie didn’t say anything when he saw us running in line but instead continued the call up our name, he might be up to something.

“Listen up cadets, today is a very physical day, the training is going to be difficult and you won’t get back here until 11pm, so I hope you got a great sleep because I will need you at 100. I've prepared some groups exercices for todays training, it’s to build your team work assets because for what I saw previously you guys don’t understand the basics of it. I need teams of five ! hurry up so we can start” I take a look at the cadets, I mean he isn’t wrong but everyone seems to focus on getting into the military police, so of course they aren't going to team up. Now I know why they are training us to have great team work, they want us to join the survey corps. But sometimes I can see Mikasa, Armin and Eren helping each other, I mean it's more Mikasa and Armin helping Eren but sure. Reiner and Bertholdt are always together same goes for Christa and Ymir and Connie and Sasha. Jean, Marco and I are quite close as well. We all are close to each other but not as a team like they want...

“ So babe do you want to be with us ?” says Marco “Huh?” Marco, Jean, Connie and Sasha were looking at me waiting for an answer I presume, “Marco isn’t she your girlfriend or something ?” Connie say “Hey but it doesn’t mean that we have to be with each other all the time you know” says Marco looking at me with a teasing smile, Jean snort a little at Marco’s intervention “you guys are literally together every time !” “I know Jean, so babe ?” “I guess we can team up this time” “good”.

The tree others were physically cringing to the conversations Marco and I were having. “ babe you know what we could do right know ?” “what ? honey?” “well we can go somewhere calm and you know cuddles until it’s our turn to go training...” “you guys are so disgusting I swear” “Jean they are literally talking about cuddling” “Sasha, Jean is right, they are disgusting” “oh my fucking god guys cuddling is just cuddling I’m not gonna fuck my girlfriend here” “Wooaaaw Marco your innocence ?!”. If only Jean knew...

At the end of the day, everyone were tired, people were crawling back to their room, some others were going straight to eat, we clearly needed to rest. Marco took me in his arm and carrying me to my room.

“Marco cuddle, cuddle, cuddle” As he was about to exit the room “I need to get you food honey, I’m coming back as soon as I get you some, alright ?” "alright"

that night we just cuddled while talking about our future, our future together.

" y/n I'm about to say something crazy so don't freak out" I looked at him with an amused face "alright Marco say what's on your mind already" Marco pushed a string of hair away from my face with a fond smile before talking again " Well I know we just join the military and that training isn't over, let alone that we havent started fighting against titans and that all of that will probably take a will before we find a way to stop this madness but I'm already thinking of our future" I got up to face him "our future ?" "yes, you and me, living somewhere calm, not far away from our friends but still pretty far so it looks like we are alone together. We can get married, have children, I want a daughter and a son, and we can maybe start a little school together like our parents..." oh yes before the fall of the walls my parents along side Marco parents were proud teachers they dedicated their lives to make sure that we could have the proper education even with those difficult times "I would love that Marco" Marco face light up at my words "we could discover so many things behind those walls and and-" "we will be able to teach something new everyday" Marco smiled at me " you read my mind, I told you we were made for each other" I rolled my eyes before giving a slight punch to his right shoulder "ouch".

"I love you y/n, we will be together trying to navigate life together" "until the end" "until the end are you kidding me even in the other side we will be together" "Marco I was trying to be dramatic" "I know but I just don't like to know that you are thinking of your death like that, you know especially when I'm right here, to protect you" I giggled at is sudden confidence " I know right how can live without you ?" " I don't know it is a miracle that you manage to live to the day we've met" " Marco oh my god haha"

Who would've known that the end of us would happened so quickly.

I miss having you arm around me, I miss seeing your smile every time I say something, I miss the warmth of your body against mine. I miss your wise words. I miss everything.

Jean isn't the same anymore, he saw you laying there lifeless. If they hadn't choose to put me somewhere else I would've been with you, I would've try to save you. I wasn't there when you needed me, I wasn't there when this titan crushed our hopes and destroyed our future.

I know that you would probably want the best for me, you want me to be happy, you want to enjoy my life while I'm still alive. And to be completely honest with you I don't know how it could be possible, but both of know what happened that night when we talk about our future we also made a promise to each other, and I am going to make sure to make you proud from who you are, and when my time is here you'll be happy to see me again, and we will live our future.

#season 1 spoilers #spolier attack on titans #attack on titan #marco bott #it's sad really so if you are triggered don't read it #death

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championrevali · 4 years

Note

yellow crewmate starts following the red imposter - at first red wonders if theyre onto him but then yellow defends him in a group discussion. “red was with me,” yellow tells the crew, “and he didnt kill me. hes not the imposter.” and the crew believes them because this is the most innocent crewmate theyve ever met, and if red didnt kill em, well. that has to mean something, right? (eventually red admits to being imposter but instead of ejecting him the crewmates make him a part of their team)

I hope this is what you meant :)

Also oh my goshhhh I'm so sorry I cant figure out how to make the post "under the cut" and I wrote this on my phone

It was about halfway through the mission when yellow started to follow him around.

"Dont you have tasks to do?" Red asked, annoyed because he just killed someone, and would have to wait longer before he could get rid of the bright crewmate.

"I already finished my tasks, and I figured its be safer to stick in groups... what with half the crew gone. I havent seen you do tasks... you're done too?"

Red quickly nodded, blessing the fact that yellow was apparently a bit of a dunce. Perhaps he should take the 'dum' post it on blacks head and put it on his oblivious companion.

Yellow settled in, apparently content with sitting in the cafeteria with red.

Perhaps he could slip away.

As soon as he stood, yellow jumped to her feet.

"Where are you going?"

"I was just... gonna go check to see how everyone else was doing with their tasks, you don't need to come."

"I want to! Being alone makes me nervous, what with all the deaths that have happened"

Sighing, red resigned himself to having to listen to the chatty girl until he could kill her in... according to his watch, five minutes.

"You know... I still cant believe cyan is gone...he was so sweet."

Yellows small plant drooped sadly, and red resisted the urge to comfort her.

"Well... I'm sure we'll find the imposter in no time." Red said cheerily.

Glancing into electrical, he could see white trying to connect some broken wires. Quickly looking at yellow, and seeing her completely focused on staring out the windows, Red slipped away.

White was so focused on his task be didnt even see the sword coming until he was gone.

"Eugh..." Wiping the blood off his visor and blessing the fact that his spacesuit was red, he went back to join yellow, promising himself that she was next.

"Oh hey! I didnt notice you leave..."

Red smiled. "I was just checking to see if anyone was in electrical, doesn't seek like there is."

"Okay! Maybe we should-"

Whatever yellow was going to suggest was interrupted by blacks panicked voice over the speaker.

"Everyone to the cafeteria! We found Lime by the reactor."

Gasping, Yellow started to rush back to the cafeteria, Red quick on her heels, determined to keep up appearances.

"How long was Lime there?" Asked Red with fake worry.

"We cant really tell... its recent, we know that much." Black said angrily.

Green stared sadly at the sheet covering her brother's body.

Softly, Black put her hand on Greens shoulder. "Green... we've got to focus on finding out who did this, we can mourn everyone properly later."

Nodding, Green looked around at everyone else.

"Where's White and Pink?"

Everyone looked around.

Black sighed. "Let's go find their bodies before we discuss this."

"No need."

Everyone looked over to see Pink carrying White's mangled body to the table.

Yellow choked up, turning her head away.

"White can't have been dead more than ten minutes" Pink informed them, face blank.

Red saw an opportunity.

"Really? It's been about ten minutes since the rest of us got here.. what were you doing?"

Pink stood angrily.

"I was on the opposite side of the ship! And I saw White on the way here. I wasn't just gonna leave him!"

Black, ever the calm leader, stood as well.

"Red! Pink! Calm down... shouting at each other will get us nowhere... Red why do you think Pink is the imposter?"

Red shrugged. "I just think it's a little sus that he shows up ten minutes late to a meeting, carrying a body that died ten minutes ago."

"Oh really? What were you doing ten minutes ago?" Pink retorted.

Yellow stood quickly. "I was with Red for the last half hour... it wasn't him."

There was silence. Everyone staring at Pink. Then...

Green stared at Pink, betrayed." I though you loved Lime..."

Paling, Pink struggled to find an answer. "I did- I do love Lime! It's Red... It's gotta be!"

Black shook her head slowly. "Yellow... what do you think?"

Yellow looked back and forth between Pink and Red, before quietly whispering "I skip voting."

Nodding, Black turned to Pink. "Pink... you have three votes against you. I'm sorry."

"It's not me. Its not!" Pink backed away slowly.

Red held back a smirk of satisfaction, pleased that it was going so well for him. He couldn't he happier as he watched Green and Black escorting Pink towards the air lock.

He was happy... Until he saw Yellows devastated face. He remembered that Pink and Yellow were best friends, though he couldn't figure out why that bugged him so much.

Ignoring his brain telling him to shut up, and that his mission was almost complete, Red stood.

"Wait!"

Everyone looked at Red, and he felt himself speaking before he could stop the words.

"I'm the imposter, not Pink... I snuck away while Yellow was looking out the window."

Black and Greem quickly let go of Pink's arms.

"You're the one that killed everyone?" Blacks voice had a dangerous edge.

Nodding weakly, Red stepped back. "W-well... technically Blue killed a few of them as well but... you tossed her out a few days ago."

"Let's throw Red out then!" Pink started towards Red, looking angry.

"Not yet." Black held up her hand. "I still want to know why you admitted it now... You and Blue killed four of our teammates without hesitation, and you were about to off a fifth... Why now?"

Floundering, Red glanced at Yellow. "I dont know exactly... I just... didn't like how upset Yellow was over Pink."

Yellow looked at him strangely, not seeming to know what to think.

Green looked at Red vengfully. "Now that we've heard the explanation, can we get rid of this murderer?"

Pink nodded in agreement, and Red raised his arms in surrender, preparing himself to the horrible fate that his friend Blue had suffered only a few days before.

The intercom beeped again, alerting them that they were approaching Polus.

Black sighed. "We need to prepare for landing. Once we arrive on Polus I'm sure we can find some way to deal with Red... but for now we'll just put him in the brig. Everyone else needs to finish their tasks."

Pink nodded, then grabbed Red by the arms roughly. "Just because you didnt let me get ejected doesn't mean you're suddenly a good person... doesn't mean you didnt murder half this crew."

Red didn't say anything, just let himself be marched off to the brig.

Thank you if you actually read all of this lol

I couldn't particularly see them just... letting him live, especially after killing people, so I decided to leave it to a bit of an open ending. If you want him to live he can live, if you want him to die he can die

I also like the idea of Red being soft on one (1) yellow cutie

So anyway yeah,,, might make these into actual ocs, who knows?

#among us #fanfic

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keenge · 4 years

Text

I was holding her in my arms when the phone rang ... "It's 3:30 in the fucking morning this had better be important !!!" I said losing the dream. " Mat, it's T and I really do hate to bother you, but I think he is back," said my partner and best friend Theresa McCawley , " Beat patrol found her body about 30 minutes ago, down by the docks." " I'll be there in 15 minutes Teri. " and I hung up, got dressed and locked my door and left the house. My name is Mathias MacGregor and I have been a cop in Riverside, La. most of my adult life, was born and raised there, and the man my partner was referring to is known as the Dock Master ... this is our story.

It all started when a young girl, 16, was found beaten raped, brutally tortured and murdered on the East dock 8 years ago. Since then he has left 12 more bodies and so many unanswered questions it makes me sick. He had a calling card, my initials carved into the victims foreheads, a detail the press miraculously has never found out about.

It's been a year since he struck the last time, a year since he put a bullet into my chest and I put one into his leg and back, a year filled with pain rehab and booze and me tracking the few clues he has left behind.

The second victim was found less than a week after the first and it was the pathologist that mentioned the letters ... my name isn't well known outside the department and certainly not my middle initial, so it was obvious that a message was being sent since a letter arrived for me at the lab while we were waiting for the autopsy report.

She had been beaten and raped like the first girl but the torture was different, not by much, but enough to see the bastard knew what he was doing and was good at it, a beat cop brought me the letter having signed for it from a courier. Inside was my full name a description of both victims including marks left by the torture and one sentence, "These are only the beginning."

That was 8 years and 10 victims ago, but god it feels like a lifetime. I got close a year ago because he made one mistake, just one but it was enough to trap him. We just weren't prepared for the fight he put up, 2 officers dead, 3 more including myself wounded and a shit ton of publicity asking why we havent caught him. " Mat, the call went out on a cell and came straight to me, they know the rules." This is why I adore my partner and best friend, Teri can read me like a book.

There had been calls made over the radios for the first 4 victims but, after the 3rd and 4th had my initials on their foreheads as well as the first 2, we decided anymore would go out over special phones we had made for our department.

Don't get me wrong I don't hate the press, I just don't have much use for them to be honest. They twist words and actions and typically report only what they want.

After the first 4 victims they were already calling him the Dock Master, even though we had begged them not to, we had learned from other cities giving a serial killer a name tends to make them bolder and more ... violent.

"Do we have an I.D. on her yet?" I asked of nobody in particular, "No lieutenant, but she doesn't look like a typical street kid." I walked over knelt down and pulled the sheet back from her face, OH MOTHERFUCKER" I yelled, making everyone jump and turn towards me, " This is Mayor Thompson's daughter!!!" Teri looked at me with wide eyes and for the first time since the shooting last year I saw fear in her face.

Every single cop in Riverside knew Jesse Thompson, she was the city's darling because she was pretty and had a voice like an angel.

"Are you sure Mat" Teri asked in a hoarse whisper, "She is supposed to be in Chicago for the Cheerleading competition." "Yeah, I'm sure T, he didnt damage her face, except to leave his mark" I said, "I'll make the notification myself and meet you at the lab."

When I got to the lab I had a grim sense of satisfaction tempered with a pity I never thought I'd ever feel for the man i was sure was the biggest crook in our small part of the world. After the shooting, our esteemed Mayor, in his infinite wisdom, took to the press (see above opinions) and made us seem like the Keystone Kops.

I was personally accused of mishandling the evidence and the investigation and causing the deaths and injuries of my friends and comrades.

"Doc says it will be tomorrow before her report is ready Mat, go home and get some sleep for what it's worth, I'll go to the office then head home myself" said Teri when I walked through the doors. "Come by the house when your done at the office if you want T, we could both use some stress relief about now" I said with a sad smile. " You still have your key, I'll be in the shower and you can join of you want." She smirked hugged me and whispered " Only if you promise to be a little rough" and walked away towards the exit.

Teri and I have known each other for 25 yrs and it wasn't until 3 yrs ago that either of us ever really thought about being anything but friends, as strange as that sounds, we were both either with someone or only one of us was single or whatever the case may be but it took that long, but damn it was worth the wait.

When she got to my house I was in the shower as promised, as she came into the bathroom I could tell she had been crying, so I stood under the water waiting for her to decide what she was going to do, as she stepped in I grabbed her, pushed her against the wall, and fell to my knees in front of her, grabbed her thighs and pushed them apart.

I slid my tongue into her wet slit, flicking her clit, as I grabbed her breasts with my hands and played with her nipples. "OH MY GOD YES" she yelled, as I gently sucked her clit into my mouth, and rubbed it between my upper and lower teeth, as she came she grabbed my hair pulling me up and said "FUCK ME NOW"

As we were in the tub she shoved me down, grabbed me in her hand and squeezed, as she stroked slowly smiling at me, then swung her leg over and lowered herself onto my face, allowing me to find her clit and lips with my tongue, as she took me in her mouth, and slowly licked and sucked up and down my manhood, while I was licking and sucking her womanhood until she finished on my face and in my mouth,"God that feels amazing" she said letting me out of her mouth, she turned and rolling onto her back, pulled me over with her and taking me in her hand she guided me inside of her slowly, squeezing and caressing me inch by inch until I was all the way in, then she wrapped her legs around me, looked into my eyes, and said "Fuck me as hard as you can". So I did, and we both came, her at least 2 more times as I filled her with mine, then I slid down her body and proceeded to lick and suck her clean, making her cum again, then I picked her up and held her in my arms as she cried again, I held her till she was finished , then we laid down on the bed, and went to sleep snuggled together, in what would be the last decent sleep we would get for almost 6 months.

When we woke up that afternoon we didnt say much, just cleaned up and headed back to the lab where the coroner, Gina Dubois, was waiting with her report. " This is a bad one Mat, he has added to his repertoire. She died due to almost total exsanguination ... she lost about 95% of her total blood volume. But before she died he hurt her bad, I counted 146 broken bones, almost every single muscle, tendon and ligament was either stretched or torn, she was beaten worse than the rest ... " , she paused and I could feel the anger and frustration radiating from her, "She was raped repeatedly with a sharp double edged weapon both vaginally and analy, then he forced salt inside of her with a large rounded blunt object about 10 inches in diameter ... he tore her open inside so bad that even if she had been in a hospital she would have died!" " He also raped her and left fluids behind which we are analyzing now, but there is something else ..." and again she paused. "What is it Gina?" Asked Teri. Gina still hesitated, then finally spoke. "He left something else behind inside of her, a letter addressed to Mat" she said, " The letter is in my office since I haven't logged it into evidence yet." "Gina, what are you hiding?" I asked, "Not logging evidence is not like you, and you are kinda worrying me right now." "Fucking A and you should be worried, Mat he knows your full name, not just the goddamned initials, he knows you almost intimately," she said, "You don't even have your middle name listed officially anywhere, I know, I checked, so how the hell does he know so much about you?" Now I am not the kind of person that gives out my personal information to anyone, so for the bastard to know so much... " Gina, Teri, I swear I don't know, only 5 or 6 people know that name, there is a fucking reason I don't use it," I said, "The man that raped my mother and got her pregnant, he ... he kept tabs on her, and when she went into labor he followed her to the fucking hospital, and after I was born, he just walked in proud as you fucking please, and added a name to my birth certificate, my middle name... God I hate the name, but I have used what happened to her to become the cop I am, my middle name is, Dubois..." I heard Gina and Teri both draw in sharp breaths as they digested what I had just told them. I went into Gina's office and found the letter, and walked outside debating on who could know my full name, and hate me enough to do this kind of fucked up bullshit in my city.

Teri caught up to me as I was getting in my truck, "Mat" she began, "I am so sorry, you never told me anything about your childhood or growing up with what happened to you. But it doesn't change who you are, you are still my partner and goddammnit I need you to be at your best because this fucker is killing children in our city and he almost got you, so snap the fuck out of what ever funk your in and let's get to work and catch this maniac!" Leave it to Teri to put it so plainly and yet so perfectly, " Ok, T, your right, we need to go to the hospital so I can talk to Ashley, she needs to know about the letter." The letter! I hadn't even looked at it yet, and suddenly I was afraid to! Before I go too much further let me explain a bit more... Ashley Wise was the doctor that operated on me and the other cops that were wounded in the failed attempt to catch this bastard, but more importantly she is my baby sister.

"She is one of the very few people that know my full name so I need to talk to her ASAP."

I now my grammar and punctuation is atrocious but bear with me it is a work in progress

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dulharpa · 4 years

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this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home - bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in 👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow??

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations!

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :((

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’ jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E I T

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol

thank you so much for everything hayley!

#i love you sm hayley!!!! thank you for EVERYTHING #AND THIS IS A FIC REC PLS CHECK HAYLEYS STUFF OUT

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mrsimoshen · 5 years

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Winding Down

Title: Winding Down

Link:Winding Down

Square filled: Bondage

Ship: Michael/Sam

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Bondage, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Toys, a bit of topping from the bottom I think?,

Summary: Michael won a hard case. Sam decides to fulfill his lover a wish and celebrate a little while he’s at it.

Word count: 2155

created for @spnkinkbingo and for @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell, who got me into this pairing ^^

Tagging @dreamyarchangel, @silvaxus, @masterpieceofturkeycleverness, @ajcza, @blakechaos08

Fic below the cut:

Sam grins broadly as he reads the single line text message.

We won, it says, nothing more, but to Sam, it could as well be a formally written declaration of victory.

The conviction of serial killer brothers Alistair and Azazel Roarke is something his lover has worked for tirelessly for the past year, sacrificing national holidays and uncounted weekends to make sure every single loophole they might find was plugged before he took the case to court. And that single line text tells Sam it worked. Two of the most notorious killers of the past decade are going to spend the rest of their lives behind bars, and Sam has a celebration to prepare.

Michael arrives home late that evening, having been held up by a myriad of different issues. First, the press wanted a statement, then he had to talk to several important people, who all wanted to congratulate him on his hard work, and then a few of the paralegals conspired to throw an impromptu office party that he couldn’t just leave.

His conscience is weighing heavy on him – he’s pretty sure Sam waited for him since he sent that text, and his lover has suffered enough already under Michael’s dedication to this case.

When he unlocks their front door, however, he’s not greeted by a frowning Sam or an empty house. Instead, he blinks in confusion as he steps into the hallway.

The lights are dimmed everywhere, leaving him just enough light to see by as he drops his keys and wallet and briefcase and hangs up his coat. “Sam?”

“In the living room,” comes the immediate answer, and Michael slips out of his shoes and walks further into the apartment on sock-clad feet, expecting to find his lover curled up on their sofa with a book and maybe a cup of coffee. He smiles at the mental image, already thinking about stretching out with his head in Sam’s lap and just relaxing.

Instead, he stops dead in his tracks when he rounds the corner to the living room.

Sam started a fire in their fire place – one of the reasons they decided on this rather big house, instead of a smaller one – and his lover is lying stretched out on the shaggy rug in front of the fire. He’d obviously been reading, because he’s just lowering a book onto his chest, but that’s not what caught Michael’s eye and short-circuited his brain.

His lover is almost entirely naked, safe for a pair of black silk boxer briefs, and his tanned skin and the silk are gleaming in the firelight.

“Fuck, Sam,” Michael breathes, his brain slowly remembering what speech is. “You look amazing.”

Sam laughs, low and a little wicked. “Thank you. Come a little closer, baby, I won’t bite.”

Michael blinks, and steps closer slowly. He reaches up to pull his tie loose and unbutton his cuffs on autopilot, and when he sinks to his knees by Sam’s side, he gets pulled into a slow, deep kiss immediately.

“Congratulations,” Sam murmurs after he’s been kissed breathless, “I’m so fucking proud of you, Michael.”

Michael can’t help the smile. “Thank you, Sam.”

Sam smiles back, still with that slightly wicked tilt to it, and reaches up to pull the tie free and undo the first few buttons on Michael’s white shirt. “Sooo… I thought we’d have a little celebration, just you and me.”

Michael likes where this is going, he really does. “What did you have in mind, love?”

Sam laughs again and sinks back down onto his back, stretching out on the rug. Michael follows the line of his body, up his arms – and forgets to breathe for a second.

“Are you sure, love?”

“Never been more certain of anything else in my life, baby.” Sam smiles reassurance at his lover, his eyes calm and warm.

Michael takes a deep breath and reaches up to pick up the neat coil of soft rope. He and Sam talked about this before, and Sam hadn’t been quite comfortable with the thought of tying Michael up before he’d had some practice. Michael had been more than fine with giving him time to decide, and they’d only played with loosely binding Michael’s wrists to the headboard with his ties, wide loops he could easily slip out of. This… is a step further than that.

“What brought this on?” Michael asks, running a bit of rope through his fingers lightly. “You weren’t too keen on the idea before.”

“I had a lot of time on my hands lately,” Sam murmurs, smiling to take any accusation out of his words. “So, I watched a bit of really good porn, and then I had a long conversation with Nick, and then with Lucifer… and I may have let him tie me up for practice a little.”

Michael growls. “You let my brother and his lover tie you up?”

“Everyone was fully dressed, I promise,” Sam murmurs, still smiling. “But Nick was right, Lucifer is that good with ropes. He showed me how to do it… and I want to do this for you, baby.”

Michael melts, leaning down to kiss Sam. “You’re amazing, love.”

Sam chuckles, loosely wrapping his arms around Michael’s shoulders. “I know,” he replies playfully, leaning up to nip his lover’s lower lip. “We don’t have to do it right now, baby. I just wanted you to know that I’m fine with the idea. We can curl up and cuddle if you’re too tired.”

Michael is tired, but it’s not the physical kind of tired. He needs to recharge, and his mind is still buzzing with everything that happened today. He rests his forehead on Sam’s for a moment, closing his eyes. “Do it.”

“Yes, sir,” Sam teases with a low laugh, stroking his hands down Michael’s back. “Get rid of the suit, baby.”

Michael laughs, handing the coiled rope back to Sam and standing to shed his clothes. Usually, he’d hang them up or at least drape them over a chair, but the case is done, he is off work for the next few days, and Sam looks at him with hunger in his eyes as he strips, so he simply lets the garments fall in a heap before sinking back down onto the rug with Sam. “How do you want me, love?”

“Like this is fine,” Sam tells him, sitting up and crawling around to Michael’s back. “Give me your arms, baby.”

Michael complies, and sighs as Sam grasps each limb to tie him up, elbow to wrist. “Tell me your safeword,” his younger lover murmurs into his ear after, wrapping his arms around Michael from behind. Michael leans into him with a sigh.

“It’s pomegranate,” he murmurs, resting against Sam’s body and feeling himself relax for what feels like the first time in months. Sam’s arms around him, the warmth of the room and the low lights, the tight rope around his arms combine into a potent mix that already has his cock hardening between his legs.

“Thank you,” Sam kisses his neck softly, nipping at sensitive skin. “Now, let’s get you comfortable, yes?”

Michael hums agreement, following Sam’s gentle guidance when his lover helps him sink down onto his back. Then he groans as Sam spreads his legs apart and swallows his cock down in one go.

“Fuck, Sam!”

Sam rubs his hands over Michael’s thighs, setting a slow rhythm as he sucks his cock to full hardness. Michael pulls at his bonds once before settling in with a moan, arching up a little into Sam’s mouth. “Fuck, your mouth is incredible, Sam.”

Sam pulls off his cock with a pop and grins, bringing one hand up to keep stroking him. “Thank you.” He licks up the shaft once. “Want to know a naughty little secret?”

“Oh,” Michael mewls, twisting a little, “yes, please.”

“So polite,” Sam teases gently, licking again. “Very well, baby.” He sits up and turns around, and then he sheds his boxer briefs and bends forward to let Michael see the glinting green jewel set into the bottom of the metal plug he’s wearing.

Michael groans, pulling at the rope again. “Fuck, Sam.”

“Been wearing this little gem for hours already,” Sam tells him, reaching back with one hand to lightly pull on the plug. He moans. “Put it in maybe half an hour after I got your text. I’m sooo sensitive by now.”

“Let me see,” Michael breathes. “Come on, love, play with it. I want to see.”

“Since you’re asking so nicely,” Sam gasps out, fingers tugging on the plug until it’s halfway out, spreading him open. Michael can see his lover picked one of the larger ones in their collection, and he yearns to touch, to play with it, make Sam mewl and moan and whine.

“Beautiful,” he tells his lover, straining to keep his head up and keep watching. Sam grins over his shoulder, pulling the plug out entirely and letting Michael watch as his hole twitches.

“Want to fuck me, Mike?” he teases, setting the plug aside to run a finger over the lube-glistening muscle.

“Fucking tease,” Michael groans, arching up. “I always want to fuck you, Sam.”

“True,” Sam laughs, turning back around and crawling up Michael’s prone form. He reaches past Michael and returns with a bottle of lube, flicking it open to slick up his fingers. “Which is why I planned ahead.”

Michael grits his teeth as Sam’s warm, slick fingers wrap around his cock, stroking and massaging him with all the skill Sam’s accumulated over the years they’ve been fucking. “Sam, please…”

“Hush, baby.” Sam leans up to kiss him. “Just a moment. Need to make sure you’re gonna slide in nice and easy, yes?”

“Yes,” Michael agrees with a moan, letting his head sink back down. He flexes his hands in his bonds, the restraints heightening his arousal even more. “Oh fuck…”

“Going to feel amazing inside me,” Sam breathes, crawling up further and positioning himself over Michael’s cock. “Ready, baby?”

“Yes!” Michael almost shouts the word, then whimpers as Sam sinks down onto him in one long, slow glide until he’s as deep as he can go. “Fuck!”

“Yeah,” Sam agrees breathlessly, resting his hands on Michael’s chest for balance as his hole flutters around Michael’s cock. He looks breathtaking, Michael thinks with the two brain cells that haven’t yet given up on thought: a flush on his cheeks, his lips full and bitten red from Sam’s own teeth, his impressive cock hard and leaking onto Michael’s belly. “So fucking full, Mike.”

“Move,” Michael pleads, “fuck, Sam, please move.”

Sam complies, rising slowly and then sinking back down. He moans, picking up his pace slowly until he’s riding Michael at the hard pace they both prefer. He angles his hips until he shouts and clenches, and Michael grins breathlessly.

“Found your prostate, love?”

“Uh-huh,” Sam breathes, keeps moving at that angle. “Feels fucking amazing.”

“You do,” Michael agrees with a moan as Sam clenches down on him, arching up into his lover. “Fuck, do that again.”

Sam grins, his lower lip between his teeth, and clenches down on Michael’s cock again, and Michael groans and twitches up again. “Close,” he warns his lover.

“Yeah,” Sam agrees, letting his head fall back. His nails dig lightly into Michael’s chest. “Come on, baby. Fill me up.”

Michael groans, pulling at his bonds again. He wants to grab Sam’s hips, hold him still to pound into him, or even better, flip them over and fuck his lover’s fluttering hole until they’re both a sweaty, exhausted mess, but he can’t, and it feels amazing.

“Sam…”

“Michael,” Sam mewls, lifting one hand from Michael’s chest to wrap around his own cock and stroke. “Please, Mike, fill me up, want to come with you.”

Michael moans at the image, rocking up into Sam. One thrust, two, three, and then he’s arching up and coming with a shout. He can feel Sam clench down on him, hard, and his lover painting his belly with his release.

For a long moment, they rest like that, Sam slumped forward over Michael, both of them breathing hard. Then, Sam stirs and slowly pulls himself off Michael’s cock.

“Let me free you,” he rasps, gently rolling Michael to his side. A moment later, the pressure vanishes, and Michael groans as he pulls his arms to his front. Sam helps him, and then he tugs the throw off the sofa to cover them with it, pulls him against his chest and gently massages the muscles.

Michael purrs contentment, tangling their legs. “That was great,” he finally murmurs, stroking his fingers over Sam’s arm around him.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Sam replies, just as softly. Michael smiles, and lets his eyes drift shut with a yawn.

“I love you, Sam Winchester,” he breathes, and the answering “I love you, too, Michael Milton,” warms him through and through.

#spnkinkbingo #michael/sam #michifer #mrsimoshen writes

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the-marvel-imagines-blog · 6 years

Text

Madness | Chpt. 5

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Thunder in the Rain”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 7,968

Warnings: angst (I mean, when is it not angsty?), new character alert, also some kissing :*

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

A/N: Y’all are my favorite people in the universe. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying what I’m writing. Even if not every chapter is you cup of tea, it means a lot to see that people are leaving likes, messaging me, reblogging, etc. I love you all so much! Also, please note that I have taken and will be taking a lot of creative liberties pertaining to these characters. This will be shown in excess during the upcoming chapters, so I just wanted to give a bit of a warning.

Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

As I walked away from him, a part of me hoped to hear some kind of regret in his voice or anything at all, even. Instead, I heard nothing. He was silent. Maybe I had to do what everyone had been telling me to do all along: let him go. In my heart, I knew what would have been best for me. I knew that I would have been safer and filled with less grief if I let him go and went to Midgard to be with the Avengers and her. I knew that she would undoubtedly fill the void in my heart that Loki left there, as she had been the one to fill it ever since he fell. Still, I felt responsible for him as well as the Nine Realms. I saw the damage he had done to the world we knew as our second home. His suit was black (the absence of light), gold (what had once been my favorite color), and green (his favorite color-the color of my eyes). He attacked the part of Midgard we had last been to together. It was a night of laughter and happiness for both of us and a memory that was now clouded with pain and darkness. He still used the daggers I had given to him before he left for a battle with Thor-a battle Thor talked the Allfather into keeping me out of, as I was still recovering from the last one.

A piece of me wondered if he had a reason. Maybe he truly didn’t care for me anymore, maybe he lied to me all those years, but for what? What did he have to gain from an orphan girl? He was a God, and I was just another Asgardian. There was nothing extraordinary about me. If he wanted to manipulate someone for so long, why wouldn’t he choose someone with more power? I had to believe that it was more than that. I had to believe that there was something else that I just wasn’t seeing clearly. He was still in there. The man I knew was still holding on and fighting back this new version of himself. I didn’t know what happened or what made him turn on me so quickly, but I had a few theories of my own. Perhaps he found out about my secret from Odin that day, but I still didn’t even know how Odin would know in the first place. Maybe he fell out of love with me quicker than I had ever anticipated he could. I didn’t understand, but it wasn’t for me to try to figure out in the middle of the night when I was still sick from the ale that evening.

I made my way up to the training grounds, casting the illusion just long enough to make it past the guards. Once my eyes were dried, I dropped the illusion, finally visible again. I lifted a dulled sword from the rack and walked over to one of the training dummies before taking out every ounce of anger, frustration, and pain on it. I didn’t need to build my skills with the sword anymore. However, I knew to practice regularly to stay nimble. Tonight, however, was simply to hit the dummy as hard as possible to make my muscles sore. I just wanted to make myself tired enough that I could fall asleep for the rest of my life, and if I couldn’t achieve that, I at least wanted to be tired enough that when I laid down in bed, I could fall asleep immediately. I didn’t want to think of his harsh words or the way he glared at me like it was my fault he fell in the first place. I didn’t want to think of the mistakes I had made or the grief I felt over the loss of a man who meant so much to me.

Listening to the loud crack as my sword hit the dummy over and over again helped drown out the sorrow in my heart and the voices in my head that were even more cruel than Loki could ever even hope to be. As I growled, I thought of every moment in my life that I felt anger, every moment I felt alone, every moment I felt weak. I thought of the night he told me he hated me, the fall, when I saw him on Midgard, when I left her, when Tony Stark shed a tear for me, when she cried. There were so many moments, but they all came rushing back as the wall I had built up to keep them away finally broke down and crumbled into nothing. Suddenly, I heard a loud crack and opened my eyes to see that my last swing of the sword had been too successful, as the blade lay broken on the ground.

“For a woman as peaceful as yourself, you sure like breaking swords when you’re angry,” Thor’s voice rang out from behind me.

I whipped around, surprised by his presence. I hadn’t heard him coming, and I certainly didn’t feel him because of my clouded thoughts. As soon as I looked at him, my mind quieted once more. He was a peaceful soul with eyes as deep as the oceans. He leaned against one of the pillars with his arms crossed over his chest. His robes cascaded over his broad shoulders, and he wore a slight grin upon his lips. I shook my head, dropping the handle of the sword, which would be of no more use, “I apologize if I woke you,” I murmured, attempting to walk past him. I was in no mood for speaking as my frustration had not been washed away completely.

He caught my arm before I could pass him, and as my chest continued to heave, he spoke, “you did not wake me, Lady Eva. I figured that after you visited Loki, you would come here,” he said, hinting at the fact that he already knew what I had been up to that night. My mouth gaped open as I searched for any possible explanation other than the one he proposed. Before I could lie, he continued, “my brother has been playing tricks on me since we were children. Do you not think I can tell? Plus, I’ve known you since we were children, and I knew you would go down to see him at some point,” he shrugged.

“I had to. You can be mad, you can tell the Allfather, you can do whatever you need to do, and I won’t be upset. All I ask is that you continue fighting for him the way I have,” I said, straightening my shoulders, “I will accept whatever punishment my King sees fit.”

“Your King will never know,” Thor replied in a hushed but stern voice, “I will not be speaking a word of this to my father. You did what needed to be done, something he doesn’t believe is worth the time or energy. You’ve looked out for my brother since we were kids, and I would’ve been ignorant to believe that you would just stop because of what happened on Midgard. You still see the good in him, and I admire that because I still love him just as much as you do,” he added, “how was he?”

I stepped back over to him, and he released my arm from his grasp. I motioned around the training grounds, “well, I’m out here, so it didn’t go as well as I had anticipated. He’s still hurting, and it continues to break my heart every time I see him. I can feel his pain just as I could before, but it’s amplified.I just don’t know if I can keep doing this to myself, Thor. I don’t know if I can keep trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. It would kill me to abandon him like this. His mind is chaos. He needs a moment of clarity, of peace, but...maybe I can’t give that to him,” I answered the best way I could.

“Who better to show him that moment of clarity than you?” he asked, gazing down at me with eyes that shined like the sun on my darkest day. While every other love I felt paled in comparison to that which I shared with Loki, Thor brought something else into my life, something more beautiful than life itself. He reminded me that life was not about power or status, it was about living. He had a love for all living things that matched my own, and I loved him all the more for it. Thor never pushed me away, “you have done so much for him, Eva. You may not think you’ve done enough, but you’ve done more than everyone else put together. You have sacrificed more than anyone else. All I know is that you need to take fate into your own hands sometimes. Maybe you find that you don’t want to wait for cooperation from Loki or the Allfather. All I know is that you have allowed others to control your destiny for too long, and it’s time for you to take your control back,” he added, “and if you need to talk or cry or scream, you know that I’m always here.”

My eyes filled up with tears, and I pushed them back, having cried more than enough over the situation. It felt like I couldn’t stop since the fall. It was that moment that I made the promise to myself: I would be weak no longer. I would weep over my situation no longer. I could mourn for the man Loki once was or give him no other option other than to accept my help. As my chest continued to heave due to the unchecked frustration, I grabbed the back of Thor’s neck and attacked his lips with my own. It was the only thing that felt right. It only lasted for a second before the shock forced him away from me, and he held me at a short distance. He cleared his throat, color filling his cheeks, “why did-what are you...we can’t do this when you’re still a bit drunk, Eva. I don’t know if this is you or the ale from earlier, but...you aren’t in the right state of mind for this right now,” he noted, chuckling to lighten the mood.

“Does that really matter anymore?” I asked, closing the space between us once more, and he allowed me, “I want this. Do you want this?” I asked, gazing up into his eyes.

He sighed, “you know I do, and you know I’ve wanted this for a long time. There’s a reason I haven’t done anything since we were young, though, Eva. You belong with Loki, and I don’t want to get in the way of that. I love both of you too much to ruin what you have,” he whispered, his arm snaking around my waist, telling a very different story than the one spilling from his lips.

“What do you think you would be ruining? The rubble of our love? Do you think you can shatter heart we shared anymore? Could you kill a flower that was already dead?” I asked, realizing that, while I loved Loki more than life itself, he loved me no longer, “I will love your brother until the day I die, but he has hurt me so much, I think I deserve a moment of happiness. I deserve to remember the sweetness of love, which is something I have forgotten the taste of for so long. Remind me...please,” I begged, grasping onto his robes in a desperate attempt to let him know that I would not hold anything against him.

He searched my eyes for any hesitation that could have been lingering there, but he found none. He found only loneliness and grief. Perhaps he felt sorry for me, or perhaps he was giving into urges that had lain dormant since our childhood. Either way, he kissed me. I threw my arms around his neck as he lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist, grunting lightly when he pressed me against the pillar he had been leaning on only moments ago. His lips were smoother than I had remembered them, and I could feel the areas he bit when he was nervous. As his left hand grasped my thigh, offering me an extra level of support aside from the pillar, his right hand steadied my face as he kissed me with more passion than I’d ever anticipated.

To my disapproval, his lips departed from mine, and he began to sprinkle kisses along my jaw and down to my neck, a place Loki always loved. As I squeezed my eyes shut, I forced the thought of him from my mind and focused on Thor. When he grazed his teeth against my neck, I arched my body into his, feeling a shiver run through me. As I arched into him, his arms wrapped around my body, squeezing me against him hard enough for me to feel every muscle and every crease even through the clothes. For the first time in such a long time, I felt small in someone’s arms. Aaldir, Hjalmar, and Loki always made me feel that way, like I never needed to worry when they were around. However, she had the opposite effect on me. I was the one to make her feel small, the one to protect her. Ever since her, I had not felt like the small one until now.

With one arm still draped over his shoulder, balancing myself, I grabbed his face with my other hand and turned his head so that he was looking into my eyes. I saw joy and desire and so much anticipation. I pressed my lips to his once more before pulling away and trailing kisses along his defined jaw and down to his neck. His hold on me tightened as I ran my lips along a sensitive spot. As I kissed him, he walked us down the hallway toward his chambers. He opened the doors with his back and shut them with his foot. When we were finally in the comfort of his room, he peeled me off of him and pushed me down onto the bed. I chewed on my bottom lip and laughed as his eyes scanned over my body.

Before I could react or speak, he joined me on the bed, nestling his body between my legs and proceeding to kiss me once more. As soon as I felt his warmth, Loki’s face flashed behind my closed eyes. I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes, but it was like he could feel my hesitance. He pulled away from the kisses and pushed himself off of me in an attempt to figure out where he had gone wrong. I shook my head, trying to collect myself, but I was failing miserably. The promise I made to myself such a short time ago was already being broken as I began to cry, “I’m sorry, Thor. I’m sorry,” I broke down, hiding my face in my hands. I felt so much guilt in that moment, so much anger at myself for being so stupid as to believe that I could just replace the love I received from Loki.

As soon as I began to cry, Thor crawled over to me and wrapped me up in his strong arms, “I know that you don’t want to hear this right now, but as your friend, I need to say it,” he stated as my body quivered and trembled in the arms of the man I wished I was meant to be with. If I was destined to be with Thor, my life would have been so much easier because he would have loved me from the very beginning until the very end. I wouldn’t have felt this pain. Maybe I was just cursed, though. Maybe it was my fault that Loki was hurt the way he was. Maybe I was at the center of his pain. Before my mind could continue down the darkened trail any further, Thor spoke, “I love you, Eva. I have loved you since before I can remember, and I’ve never stopped loving you. For a long time, I wished that you chose me instead of Loki. I wished that you would find happiness with me, but I always knew that you two were meant for each other. Even though it kills me to say it, you and I don’t belong together. You belong with Loki. You always have. And I can’t let my love for you ruin your relationship anymore than it already has,” he said, grief clear in his deep voice.

I shook my head, wiping my tears away as I found the strength to gaze up at him, “you didn’t ruin our relationship, Thor. You had nothing to do with this,” I murmured.

He sighed, “there’s something I need to tell you.”

*Thor’s POV*

I had been more surprised that she stayed after I told her the story of that day, more surprised than I was that she didn’t try to hit me. Instead, we shed tears together, and I sat with her until she fell asleep. After I told her what happened and apologized profusely, she lessened my guilt by being adamant about how it wasn’t my fault. Still, I could see the pain the truth brought her. She was heartbroken, and she went to sleep that way. A piece of me wished I had kept it from her, but it had been two years of her questioning why Loki turned his back on her, and I knew the truth.

Unable to sleep, I found myself with Heimdall in the Bifrost. Though even looking at the Bifrost brought Eva a sense of misery, she spent much time in the very spot I was standing, and I knew that it was because the her fear and sadness over that fateful day paled in comparison to love she had for the Midgardians and...her. She asked about them often, and Heimdall would always fill her in on the health and well-being of each of them. She was always the most concerned about Tony, the two of them having a special connection that I could not understand. Steve also held a special place in her heart, which I could understand much more. He was a soldier and always put the needs of everyone else above his own. He didn’t like to fight, but he did so that others could know peace. Eva did the same.

As I stood next to Heimdall, staring out at the stars, I felt his gaze shift over to me for a fraction of a second, “you told her,” he noted, clearly having cast his gaze upon us when he felt her distress. The two of them were connected the same way her and I were connected. It paled in comparison to Loki’s connection to her, but we could feel when something wasn’t quite right.

I nodded my head, “I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t keep it from her any longer. She deserved to know the truth,” I insisted, feeling guilty that I brought her to an even deeper level of grief but feeling hopeful that it would help her see the truth, that she had done nothing wrong, “she’s become far more destructive since Hjalmar’s death, and I sensed that she was spiraling. She’s lost so much. She blames herself for Hjalmar’s death, and she blames herself for Aaldir’s sorrow. She blames herself for Loki’s turn and believed it to have been her fault, like she could’ve stopped him from wreaking havoc on Midgard. She had every right to know the truth,” I added

“You are not wrong,” he stated, gazing back out at the stars, “she sacrificed so much for Loki, but I fear that she will now try even harder to free him, even if it means committing treason. She has no reason to show the Allfather anymore respect, for she now knows that he played a pivotal role in pushing your brother over the edge,” he added, and I gazed over at his solemn expression. He lowered his grief-stricken eyes, “I fear for her safety if she tries to disobey the orders of the King.”

“You have my word that I will do everything in my power to keep her from doing anything reckless, but she has never listened to me the way she listened to Hjalmar,” I said, thinking of one of my dearest friends, “how is he?” I asked, hoping for some words of comfort about Hjalmar’s new home in Valhalla.

Heimdall sighed, “I...cannot see him,” he confessed, hesitant to speak the words to me. I furrowed my eyebrows, confused as to how the gatekeeper and the guardian of the Nine Realms could lose track of someone. Before I could ask any questions, he turned his haunting gaze upon me, “I have searched for him, hoping to regale Eva with some stories of him when she came; however, I have not found him. I have searched every realm, every planet, every moon. I have searched the entirety of Valhalla, and I even looked for him in the Realm of the Dead. Still, I have found nothing,” he said, turning back to the stars, “I suggest keeping this between us for the time being. There is no need to put her through anymore pain right now,” he stated, strongly.

I nodded my head, “but what if she comes to you and asks about him?”

He frowned, the mere thought of it bringing a sour taste to his mouth, “then I will be forced to break the heart of a princess.”

*1 week later*

After another night spent watching over Eva and getting barely any sleep, I found myself standing beside my father, the man who was the cause of so much of her grief. She knew it now. She knew what he had done, and while I was surprised that she didn’t hate me for the role I had to play in Loki’s downfall, I was unsure of how generous she would be with my father. The two of us watched her as she practically danced around the training grounds with Sif and Ephinea. She hated fighting, but there was a side of her that came out when she fought that I had never seen before. She was skilled in battle the way no other man or woman could ever even hope to be. She blocked the attacks from each of the goddesses, and the two of them pulled no punches. Sif and Ephinea never went easy on Eva, so for Eva to hold her own against the Goddess of War and the Goddess of Strength, respectively, said so much about her skills.

As gracefully as she blocked what would have been a “finishing blow” from Ephinea, she began to take the offensive, swinging the dulled swords and moving like the ocean. I had gotten the chance to see her on the battlefield so many times throughout my life, and it always left me in awe. She had a plethora of her own weapons, many of which Aaldir had crafted for her or helped in the crafting process. He had given her two short swords that she used on occasion, and he also gave her the greatsword she used most of the time. Loki had gifted her a set of daggers, which were delicately crafted but stronger than anyone could anticipate due to their beauty. She danced around Sif and Ephinea, fighting both of them and successfully knocking them down and finishing them. After her success, she helped them back up onto their feet before starting again. I glanced over at my father, “she has grown far more skilled in the art of battle than even you could have anticipated,” I smiled, gesturing to her.

He nodded, a faint smile tugging at his lips underneath his beard, “if this is how you plan to sway my mind on the matters she has brought up time and again, it will not work,” he reminded me.

I shrugged my shoulders, “it wasn’t my intention, but it would’ve been nice,” I stated, gazing upon the girl who was so strong but so broken, “she has a point, you know...about Loki,” I murmured, wanting my words to be between us. I watched as his eyebrows raised in shock, which was understandable as I had always been fairly quiet on the matter, never explicitly taking anyone’s side, “I don’t believe you to be delusional, which is why I think you know-as well as she does-that Loki doesn’t belong in the dungeons. He is far more dangerous around people who think like him. His mind was corrupted far more after he fell. Even if we could get him back to the way he was before, when he was only trying to take over the throne, instead of killing hundreds of innocent people on Midgard, it would be better than leaving him down there,” I explained, hoping that he would listen to me with an open heart and open mind, unlike when he listened to Eva make the same case about Loki.

He gazed over at me, the icy blue eye as solemn as ever, “so, you are proposing the same thing? I release Loki into Eva’s care, knowing that he is a weakness for her? Knowing that she could never do what needed to be done if it came to it?” he asked, “I simply implore you to think through every scenario,” he added, sensing that he had offended me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing that he was not completely sincere, “no, you are asking me to doubt her. You are asking me to trust her less, but you don’t know her the way I do. You didn’t see her on Midgard the way I saw her. You have no idea what she has done-the sacrifices she has made-for the good of the Nine Realms, for the good of Asgard. You don’t see what she has given up, but I have,” I growled under my breath, angry that he would try to plant the seed of doubt in my mind.

He shook his head, “I do not wish for you to doubt her, but I do wish for you to look at this from a place of objectivity. If you did, you would have the same doubts I do,” he replied, a voice as calm as the breeze that morning.

“I can look at this objectively, and that’s why I believe she could take on this task. While we cannot go back and rewrite the past, she can turn the tides in our favor. If she were somehow able to turn Loki back to our side, think of what our strength could be with an ally like him! We would be much stronger with him as our ally than with him as our enemy,” I exclaimed, gesturing out at her, “look at her, Father! Truly see her for what she is! She’s no goddess, but she possesses the same skills as one. I don’t think this is coincidence. I truly believe that she is meant to be much more than another Asgardian woman.”

“You have much to learn about her, my son,” he frowned, trying to force a smile and failing. I watched as the look in his eye became distant, like he was revisiting a memory that brought him pain. He tried to push it away, but it lingered there.

I shook my head, “I know all there is to know about her. I know her better than I know myself most of the time,” I chuckled, gazing out at the woman I was in love with. For a long time, I fancied Ephinea and Sif. The two women were stronger than anyone gave them credit for, but I couldn’t talk to them the same way I could talk to Eva. Eva was just...special. I knew every little thing about her, even though I was sure my brother knew far more, things I couldn’t even imagine. I glanced back up at my father, “there’s nothing I don’t know,” I assured him, thinking of the many secrets she had hidden from him, secrets he would never even know.

“There is so much you don’t know about her, so much that you need to know,” he said, a sad smile spreading across his lips as he gazed out at her once more before stepping away from the railing and turning to face down the hallway, “walk with me and learn,” he motioned, and I obeyed, falling in step with him and casting one final glance back at Eva. Once we were far enough away from the prying eyes and ears of everyone else, he began speaking, slowing his pace, “before you or I, before my father and his father before him, Asgard was created. Where once there had been nothing, we received a land of beauty, peace, and salvation. This was the place where the Asgardians could call home, a place that was more beautiful and rich with life than any other, and we took it all for granted,” he explained.

“The land began to dry up. Where there had once been lush forests and beautiful mountains in the distance, it was barren. The Asgardians who lived her long ago took from the world but never thought to give back. They built this city upon her natural beauty, hiding the plentiful gifts she bore to them. The creeks and streams began to dry up. People believed that it was the world’s way of grieving. She had always provided for them, always gave more of herself than they could possibly take, but they did not rejoice as their ancestors once did. They took the gift of life for granted, and they took this realm for granted. They did not thank the world for her blessings, and they did not live their lives the way we were meant to,” he continued.

“The drought of the world continued. Food was more difficult to come by, and we were running out of fresh water. We began sending people to various realms to acquire what we needed and bring it back here. We had already stripped our world of all she had to offer, and we were doing the same with as many others as possible. Life was dwindling, and we were unsure about the future of Asgard,” he said before letting out a long sigh. When I cast my eyes over to his face, I saw that he was reliving a memory that haunted him, and a sadness came over him that I hadn’t seen before, “I had an older brother growing up, a man I’ve never spoken about, a man no one speaks of anymore,” he confessed.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering how it could be that an entire piece of Asgard’s history was lost to me, “I forbid his name to be spoken, and there are not many who remember him, not the way I do,” he frowned, “Cul was older, stronger, and much more capable than I was. He believed himself to be the rightful King of Asgard, and when my father-your grandfather-died, Cul took the throne for himself. My father had groomed me to take his place after he died, but my brothers and I allowed Cul to rule because of his promise to keep us as his close advisors, a promise he broke shortly after his coronation. He picked from a group of his loyal followers to be his advisors. It wasn’t until he took the throne that we saw just how twisted he was, how his desire to rule festered into a madness we had never seen before.”

As we walked into the throne room, he stopped and stared up at the golden throne for a long moment, “he ordered that we strip the other planets of their resources, and if we were met with hesitation, we were to take the resources by force. He wanted to make it clear that no one would stand in his way. A part of me wants to believe that he had good intentions, that he wanted to show the Nine Realms that Asgard was still a powerful seat. However, the more he took from other planets, the faster ours was dying, so my brothers and I did what needed to be done. We stopped him,” he said, frowning at the memory. I could tell that it brought him so much pain even recalling it, so I couldn’t imagine the pain he went through when he lived it so long ago, “there was a bloodbath in this throne room. My younger brothers fell that day along with so many others, and it came down to just Cul and I. He had sent his followers away to spare their lives because he knew I wouldn’t kill him, that I would spare his life because of the ancient rules, rules he never followed but rules I couldn’t break,” he explained, glancing back over at me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, “but you broke them on that day?” I guessed, hoping it to be true.

He shook his head, a few strands of white hair falling out of place, “I couldn’t, and it wasn’t because of the ancient rules. I couldn’t kill him because he was my brother, he wasn’t the King of Asgard, not to me. I couldn’t kill him because I could still remember running around the palace with him and getting in trouble for fooling around for too long when I should have been studying battle techniques. Instead, I banished him to the Realm of Death, hoping that Death would be able to do to him what I could not bring myself to do. It was where he belonged. He delivered so many souls to Death that day alone that he deserved to face them all once more,” he said, glancing back over at the throne and narrowing his eyes, “but if I could go back with the knowledge I have now, I would have killed him when I had the chance because-”

Before he could explain his reasoning, a booming voice caused the entirety of Asgard to quake beneath our feet. It was the first time in my life I saw pure fear in my father’s eyes, “Odin!”

*Eva’s POV*

I stood in the courtyard that overlooked the Rainbow Bridge. Thor and Odin stood side-by-side in front of Sif, Ephinea, Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg, and I. Behind us were members of Odin’s kingsguard. While I had not wished to even wake up at all that week-let alone see the Allfather-I stood there out of the love I had for Asgard and my willingness to protect the people from any intruder, including the one that stood before us with his battleaxe strapped to his back. He stood the same height as Hjalmar once did, only slightly taller than the God of Thunder himself. The man before us all held himself like a King with his shoulder straightened and his head held high. He looked massive, like he was a force to be reckoned with. I had never met him, but he looked so oddly familiar to me, like a face I had seen only once before.

Dark brown hair that matched his short beard fell in waves nearly as long as mine, but he pulled the strands from his face and fastened them behind his head to see clearly. Even from our distance, I could see myself clearly in his piercing green eyes. Those eyes were filled with so much anger, so much hatred, but they were still so beautiful and pure...a green that matched the colors of spring. My breath hitched in my throat, and it felt like I was going to suffocate. I knew those eyes. I knew them from somewhere, and when he spoke, I began trembling with unchecked fear, “I am Ezra, son of Cul, and I have been sent here by my father, Cul, son of Bor, the rightful heir to the throne of Asgard. I have been instructed to deliver a message to the usurper, your false king,” he spat out, grimacing at Odin. I was shocked by his words, unsure whether or not they were truthful. I had never heard of Odin having any brothers aside from Vili and Ve, and neither of them had any children of their own. It was clear by the looks on the faces of my comrades that I was not the only one who was confused by his claims.

Even if he did, Odin was our King, and for an outsider to show up in Asgard and insult the throne, it was unacceptable. While I was angry at Odin for justifiable reasons, I did not hate him, and I would still fight to protect Asgard and her people. As I made a motion to step forward, Ephinea put out her hand to hold me back. When I tried to pass her still, she grabbed my arm, making her movements as small and unnoticeable as possible to keep from gaining the attention of the the outsider. She gave my wrist a gentle squeeze, trying to remind me without words that this wasn’t the right time. The small motions still pulled the attention of Ezra, and he glanced over at me in particular. His green eyes scanned over my body, and he smirked, “you’re just itching to kill me, aren’t you?” he asked before glancing back at Odin, “I see why you keep some of your best warriors chained up in the dungeons-like your son. It must be terrifying to have this one roaming around,” he said, gesturing to me.

A fury erupted in my chest as he mentioned Loki. I gritted my teeth, my chest continuing to rise and fall at an alarming rate. Still, I remained silent, not wishing to escalate the situation. Odin spoke up, “did you come here to discuss the population of Asgard’s dungeons, or do you have another motive?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow with a mischievous grin. He was pulling a page out of Loki’s book, smiling in the face of danger. It was one of the things that made me love Loki even more, and it made me see Odin as so much more than I had been willing to in the past. In that moment, he became so much more three-dimensional than ever before. While he had forsaken Loki in the past and made his own mistakes, there was a piece of him that still loved the young trickster. When I saw him find his confidence the way Loki did, it made me think of the impact Loki’s actions must’ve had on the Allfather. While I wished to speak with Odin about it, I knew that this was neither the time nor the place for such discussions.

Ezra cast one more glance over at me with a smirk that made me sick to my stomach, but he turned his attention back to Odin when I grimaced at him, “my father sent me with his demands. In his exile, he has been building allegiances with many people within the Nine Realms and beyond, and I can assure you that none of them are particularly fond of Asgard. They would be willing and able to tear Asgard apart at my father’s command, but he is willing to go about this peacefully,” Ezra stated in a menacing tone.

“And what does Cul want in return for his promise of peace?” Odin inquired.

Ezra chuckled, stepping forward, “he wants the throne back, the throne you stole from him,” he growled, pointing a finger at the Allfather, “he demands you hand over the throne of Asgard, and in return, you will be exiled to the Realm of Death just like you did to him. As I see it, you have two options: you can surrender and meet his demands, which will lead to a peaceful life for your people; or, you can resist, which will lead to our return and the subsequent bloodbath that will take place. Either way, we will take the throne of Asgard, but your decision could save thousands,” Ezra said, offering Odin the ultimatum as if he was in any position to do that. He came to Asgard with no supporters behind him and threatened a King with the entire Asgardian army at his disposal.

Odin smiled at the man in front of him, and I saw the condescending undertones, causing me to smile as well. While I harbored some ill will toward him upon recent news, I could not bring myself to hate him or declare that he was a poor king. He held himself with strength and dignity, which was something that would not work in the strangers favor, “you forget the third option,” he smirked, and Ezra cocked his head, clenching his fists, “it’s where I let your armies come, and I defeat Cul just like I did all those years ago. I had no problem doing it then, and I won’t fail now. You do not look for peace, but I pity you if you try to fight us. We know much about what must be sacrificed to maintain peace, and I do not wish for a war. However, I will do what needs to be done should your father attempt to wage a war against Asgard and her allies,” he explained, “so, you can tell my brother that his proposition was met with resistance.”

Ezra chuckled, stepping even closer to Odin. As soon as he was too close, the entire army behind us drew their weapons, but Odin raised a hand, wishing to entertain the boy for even longer. I listened to the warriors lower their weapons, but they did not put them back in the sheathe. I glanced down at Thor’s hands that were balled up in fists. Ezra leaned in close to Odin and spoke, “well, I came here for your surrender, and I’m not about to leave empty-handed,” he murmured before stepping away from the two of them and pointing at me. Once more, his eyes trailed along every piece of my body before locking eyes with me, “I’ll take that one,” he dictated, closing the space between the two of us.

Before he could stand directly in front of me, Ephinea stepped between the two of us, “try to take her, and I will rip you in half with my bare hands,” she threatened, rage clear in her voice. She had always been like an older sister to me, so it didn’t surprise me that she would react like that to someone who was threatening my safety.

Ezra glanced over at her but then back at me, “call off your dog, pet,” he instructed, cocking his head to the side with a smile filled with false admiration.

I scowled at the nickname he decided to give me, and I felt a chill run down my spine at the thought that I could be traded off to ensure peace, even if that peace would be short-lived. Odin’s stunned silence was not helping ease my troubled thoughts, but I had to act with strength and grace just as I always tried to, just as my father taught me all my life. I raised my hand and rested it upon Ephinea’s shoulder as I stepped out from behind her. She gazed over at me, horrified and flustered because of my actions. She had no idea what I was planning to do or why I was planning to do it, but I offered her a short glance that I hoped would set her mind at ease. When I stepped between her and Ezra, he didn’t break eye contact with me. He smirked, one of his eyes twitching ever so slightly as he narrowed them at me.

He searched my eyes-for what, I didn’t know-and when he didn’t find what he was looking for, he grabbed my chin and brought his face impossibly closer to mine, “tell me, what is it you want, pet? Do you wish for acceptance? Strength? Power? A real family? A place where you belong?” he asked, “I’m sorry to break your heart, but you won’t find any of that here, not with the current ruler. And, what about Loki? I’m sure you want him back, too, don’t you?” he asked, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. How did Ezra know about Loki? How did he know about my deepest desires? As I stared up at him with wide eyes, terrified that he was able to pick me apart so easily. He raised his eyebrows, sympathy crossing over his face, “you have so much to learn, beautiful, and if you cooperate, we’ll give you the answers you seek and the opportunity to live out the rest of your life with Loki,” he murmured before grabbing a fistful of my hair and pulling me even closer to him, “but should you fail, I will find your girl on Midgard and tear her apart in front of you just for fun!” he growled, my heart twisting and shattering into a million pieces before he pushed me down onto the ground.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Thor’s loud voice boomed, almost like thunder itself. I could barely think of anything aside from Ezra’s threat. I was paralyzed with fear at the very idea that enemies of Asgard knew about her, that they could use her against me. Thor spoke as I tried to collect myself, “you are sorely mistaken if you think we’ll just hand her over to you. Now, we have entertained this madness for long enough. If you try to take her, you will not live to see another sunrise,” Thor promised, glancing down at me and nodding his head. I knew that I would have nothing to fear with Thor by my side. Even if Odin, for some reason, wanted to send me away, Thor would betray his father just to keep me safe.

Ezra chuckled again, laughing in the face of the God of Thunder, “I haven’t seen a sunrise in nearly 300 years,” he confessed, and a piece of my heart broke for him. I couldn’t help but see small pieces of Loki in him, the anger, the pain, the hate. I had nothing to compare Ezra to, though. I knew the man Loki used to be, so I knew that pieces of him were still alive. Still, everyone could be saved, and that included the enemies of Asgard. Ezra continued, “no matter! I’m used to taking what I want by any means necessary, and I don’t lose,” he said before unsheathing his axe in one swift motion and swinging it down toward Thor.

In the split second it took Ezra to begin the attack, I jumped up to my feet and drew Hellbreaker, one of the many swords my father had helped forge for me. Right before his blade could graze my prince, I stepped in front of it, catching the handle of his battleaxe with the blade of my sword and stopping him from hurting Thor. His eyes widened in clear astonishment. I was sure someone like him didn’t anticipate anything extraordinary, especially not from the person he nicknamed “pet” only moments prior. I pushed him away from the Thor and I, “you don’t lose?” I asked, grinning up at the intruder, “well, neither do I!”

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lekramsyth · 5 years

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Deep Flaws

I haven’t been able to sleep. I’ve been mentally attacking myself about my own personal flaws that I’ve failed to realize. Trying to find where they all come from. Hoping that would make them easier to get under control. I use to think counseling was dumb and people should just get over their problems. Now i realize how not dealing with them has effected everyone all along I always clung to solitude so i never had to deal with them. Only person i could hurt was myself. I write this and hope i can always remember my flaws and constantly work on them.

Flaw 1. I think im perfect(or always right). This i assume stems more for my parents traits. My dad never thinks he is wrong and my mom always seems oblivious to her wrong doing. Maybe its more that i never learned how to deal with my inner problems because no one else around me did. I try to stay the most conscious about this though because I really hated when my parent acted this way. However me being the imperfect person i am, i have failed many times. I end up not listening to the one person closest to me who tries to tell me i make them hurt with my character traits. I am working on this by just shutting up and listening. Learning that my pride isnt worth hurting someone dear to me.

Flaw 2. Im selfish this one is a bit more complex. I’ll definitely give my all to people in need. The selfishness im talking about pertains more to my self interest. This is something new that i realized. The reasoning is because I finally started listening. Far too late though. Whenever i want something bad enough, I completely disregard any other persons feelings. Their fears and insecurities completely go out the window as long as im getting what i want. This flaw is all on me though. I trained myself to have no fears so i could do whatever i want. I just assumed everyone is the same. It is highly insensitive of me. The fix for this is to calm down and realize a person isnt telling me no just to spite me. Try to understand their reasoning of why they can’t. Even if I can’t see from their shoes,i can just respect that i was told no, If i trust that person then i should know they have a good reasoning that I probably couldn’t understand.

Flaw 3. Im insensitive. This one is sorta a mixture of the above 3 topics but i want to go more in depth. I do always try to understand another persons feeling. However it is probably more close to sympathize over empathize. Kind of like a psychopath or sociopath would. Only difference is i don’t actually want that person to hurt and genuinely care about them. I have come a long way though because as i mentioned before, i just thought people should get over their problems. I never understand venting or why people seemed to flock so they could confide in me. I suppose i appeared easy to talk to. My insensitive clearly stems from my childhood. I might hate this the most about myself,because i do want to be close to people but feel like i can never truly understand them. I grew up in a abusive household. Whenever the cops where called nothing ever got solved. My only escape was school or so i thought. I was bullied their for either being to dark for my fellow race or too smart. I never really fought back because i was afraid of killing someone from pent up anger. My only other option was to run the streets and i lived in a gang infested area. I got pressed on a daily. Tried to avoid shootouts at house parties but still ended up getting guns draws on me for just trying to hang out. I had no where to escape. The only thing that stopped me from commiting suicide was erasing my mind of emotions to cope with it all. Forgot to mention being poor enough to steal soap so i didnt get made fun of for smelling in school. It wasnt fun but it was my circumstance. This one isnt an easy fix and i think I actually need therapy for. I have someone special to me who is very supportive though so it helps. I do my best to keep it under control.

Flaw 4. Im a poor listener. This has caused many problems for me. Still wonder why most people try to vent to me. I have actually caught myself asking a question and then tuning out if the answer is longer then like 6 seconds. The biggest problem with this is i seem to remember stuff with high importance but that generates to how i value something for myself and not that other person. I was born with ADHD and always had it. It slipped my mind because well whenever you are alone you forget how much things people expect out of you. Even as im writing this I can’t stay focused. I have like 5 other ideas in my head already. It could be a good thing if i could focus on one. The big problem is that i havent been doing anything to manage it. Especially knowing what people expect of me. To fix this im definitely going to start keeping notes and calendar dates of things. I definitely realized this way too though and wish i could go back and change a lot of mistakes i made by forgetting things. I don’t want anyone to think I don’t value what they are telling me or that certain events arent as important to me as it is to them. Im also going to try and have zero distractions whenever im talking to someone because i could literally get off the phone and forget the whole conversation. Also being self aware i can try to concentrate more on details as they are given to me.

Flaw 5. I try to please everyone. This is very bad because it is impossible. A lot of time i do this in disregard to my own happiness and make promises I can’t keep just to make someone happy for a moment. I literally spent most of my life pleasing everyone else so i dont know what makes me happy. I stay at a constant state of content. I end up hurting more people than i do helping. Especially when it involves relationships. I remember telling people i love them just because i thought it would make them happy. This started a cycle of me trying to redeem myself with something that made them happy because I couldn’t give them what they really wanted. Of course it failed and i didnt take the blame because i thought i was too pefect at the time. I wish i could apologize for it all. Also this is bad because i end up putting peoples worth in how much they do for me because i do a lot for them. I should make people happy because I genuinely want them to be happy. Not to fill in some void from my childhood. That brings me to the reason. Through everything i went through i felt like not a single person could help me. Not friends, Family, Cops or God. It was just my brother and i all alone. The only way i could esacpe was running away or waiting until i was old enough to move. I dearly wanted to help people because i felt like no one was there to help me in my time of need. I felt like that was my purpose so i went above and beyond. However when it comes to love. You can only go so far. The fix for this is to really look deep within myself to see what i actually want. Don’t go through with a plan just because it makes them happy. I can’t make my happiness based off of other peoples.

Well did you read all that? I was just venting. Maybe it will help me sleep. If it did stay until the end then i really appreciate it. Hopefully it could help you realize something about yourself! 😊

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spacezeke · 6 years

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5x04 : PANDORA’S BOX : Some Thoughts

Can we take a moment to talk about how fucked this justice system is? And by fucked, I mean TERRIFYING AND AWESOME. Like, the idea that this tyrant gets to decide whether your crime has been forgiven based off of how entertaining your fight was and if you were a crowd fave, then you get to live. Fucking cool.

I could listen to Bellamy and Charmaine negotiate all day. They both carry such an intensity with them and that entire scene they had together was fire.

“You’re really here.” Fuck me up with emotion.

The cinematography in this episode was Something Else. It has some of my favorite shots of the entire series (including the wide shot I’ve included).

“And they call me the cockroach.” Fucking Murphy being such a comedic badass.

LOOOOOOOOOKKKKKK

So … The Dark Year = cannibalism? Has to be.

I really appreciate all the callbacks to Aurora Blake this season.

“Octavia, please. Strength without mercy is nothing. It’s nothing.” THANK YOU FOR FINALLY VERBALIZING THIS ON THE SHOW. This show was romanticizing violence a little too much in making it seem “badass” instead of “ruthless and brutal” so it’s so awesome to see Kane bring this to light.

Can we talk about Indra saying that she made sure to match up Kane with a weaker opponent the second time? She’s looking out for him however she can, even behind Octavia’s back.

“What have we done?” “What we had to do to survive.” “How many times can we tell ourselves that? No, it’s what we say to justify the horror we inflict on each other. I can’t do it anymore.”

Kabby has been getting scenes that feel like they’ve been pulled straight out of fic this season

I really am intrigued by Abby’s storyline this season, though. I think it’s going to be her best character arc yet. Seeing the drugs and the trauma it brings.

Abby promising to stop taking the pills only to … try to take the pills later in the episode. That was painful.

Loved the little commentary on the four different Eligius ships. What happened to Eligius III?

BELLAMY WITH THE ANGEL SYMBOLISM.

“I knew you’d come.” I LOVE how this echoes Madi’s “Clarke knew you would come.” The two most important people in Bellamy’s life having faith in him? Fucking love it.

The Blakes are dysfunctional and I get really conflicted about their relationship but that hug was so nice. I like how Octavia’s walls just completely fell down around her in that moment. It’s nice to know that there’s still a human heart underneath all of that mental and physical armour.

Everyone looking around like “what the fuck happened” was so funny LOL.

“Love the warpaint by the way.” fucking love it.

CHARMAINE JUST HAS SUCH A PRESENCE FAM, like that bitch steals every single scene. She has such a subtle yet condescending tone when she is talking to Octavia? Like, I was really amazed during my rewatch of this interaction with Octavia. It’s like she managed to strip her bare with just a couple words. She is not intimidated by Octavia’s facade, and it brings out this vulnerability in O. Makes her seem small. DIYOZA IS SO POWERFUL.

“814 people” Bellamy’s face AWFRVWEF.

This is one of those scenes where I don’t know whether it is supposed to be comical or not but it’s just … so fucking funny guys. Like, I can’t get over it. I will never be over it.

THE RAVEN SHOWING UP ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN. SUCH A GOOD CALLBACK.

“Real cute.” THEY HAVE SO MUCH CHEMISTRY AND THEY HAVENT EVEN MET.

Murphy taking a nap in the cryo pod.. fucking love it.

“Why do you always have to be the one to sacrifice?” “This girl is some kind of genius.” RAVEN REYES GETTING THE APPRECIATION SHE DESERVES.

Bellamy trying to hold onto Octavia’s hand as she rises up towards the heavens? FORESHADOWING

The return of Charmaine, McCreary and Bellamy’s “WHAT THE FUCK” faces as Gaia starts leading the chant as Octavia rises. Goddamn why is this so funny. Fucking cult.

“Looks to me like someone read Ovid a few too many times.” BELLAMY BLAKE AKA #1 NERD STRIKES AGAIN (but seriously that line was so freaking funny Octavia looks like a scolded puppy)

BUT REAL TALK, that soccer scene was SO CUTE. Like, this is what I missed? These small, joyful moments?on.

When Octavia was shot by that thing I was totally NOT expecting that. The first time I watched the episode I literally jumped up and just went “OHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT”. That is honestly one of the most trippily filmed scenes this show has done. Octavia is losing her shit. This show has really upped the game with how they film explosion scenes.

Listen, I know we aren’t supposed to be rooting for Eligius but I honestly like them, guys. Like I’ve only seen a few episodes of them and I would already die for both Zeke, and Diyoza.

TO BE HONEST, I don’t care if they win that valley! Fuck, I want them to. I really hope that we get some of our mains teaming up with Eligius this season. That would be the greatest plot twist they could do, having the “bad guys” become the “heroes”.

#☾ CERTIFIED CANADIAN TRASH. / OUT OF CHARACTER.#☾ OUT RIDING ON THE HARLEY. / QUEUE.#the 100 spoilers.#long post //

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baconpal · 6 years

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so heres the long super paper mario post

strap in for why super paper mario is fucking bizarre and why that’s pretty much awesome

gonna be a good amounts of spoilers, so if you’re on desktop then hit that read more, and if your on mobile, then here’s your punishment for using this god awful app

super paper mario is a game that is incredibly difficult to put into words, but it leaves such a powerful, lasting impression on me and i can’t come to say anything first other than I love it so much, and if you havent played the game, please just go do it now, even if you have to pirate or emulate or something, just let yourself play this game. It’s one of those games that I really feel I can just recommend to anybody

it’s difficult to think of where to start with dissecting this thing so i’ll just start with the art since lookin at things is pretty easy

ART/WORLD DESIGN

every world in SPM is completely unique, not just in what type of environment, but it’s art style, and this is premised with the fact that none of these worlds are capable of existing together and are completely separate, and NOT part of a cohesive universe (LOOKIN AT YOU ODYSSEY I STILL THINK YOU LOOK STUPID)

The hub and the first 2 worlds are mostly just slight variants on the same general style of simplistic shapes and colors, with world 1 delving into more linework type aesthetics, and 2 focusing more on impressions and silhouettes,

world 3 changes this completely with what is obviously an 8 bit kind of style, but instead of jarring over sized pixels, the world is composed of detailed tiles arranged to look like pixel art that imply a more real world, and not a gamey one,

world 4 focuses on patterns and big patches of color to give the impression of the vast emptiness of both space and the surface of a barren planet, before giving you the “Whoa Zone”, with a striking mix of wire frame and futuristic UI style to it

world 5 takes the idea of nature being crude and simplistic and humanity being sharp, angular, and extreme and flips that on its head, with humanity and the space they occupy being these absolute memes with no sense of depth, and the plant life existing in a system of clean cut caves with futuristic technology and elegant historic values

world 6 simplifies a kind of colored Japanese painting aesthetic, down to the funny cylindrical cloud clusters and brushstroke trees

world 7 depicts what is essentially hell (yes there’s hell in this game keep your pants on) as a squarish blur of bright greens and warm reds and purples, and depicts heaven as fluffy land of clouds and Greek temples

and lastly, world 8 is inverted greyscale, where light is black and darkness is white, its simplistic and striking and i couldn’t think of a better style for the final area of a game so focused on the concept of light and dark

MUSIC

I’ll just try and keep it simple, the musics fucking cash money

The game makes great use of motifs when it needs to, where specific themes and instruments are used in other songs to suggest relationships and put battles and travels into perspective

And when it ISNT doing that, it’s just fucking funky stuff, with a weird trend of BOING and PLOP and SPLISH noises in the percussion because fuck you i guess

There’s a lot of good songs that do lots of interesting things, any of the like 5 final battle songs are great things to point to, but i’ll just go ahead and say the main theme of world 8 “Castle Bleck” is one of my favorites that isn’t super highly rated. It brings in the types of instruments that have been associated with the villain the entire game, but also throws in 2 very important things; a sudden triumphant burst of almost JRPG styled chiptune that pushes away the constantly building tension, which is then followed by the sound of a clock ticking, which is a musical motif only present in the songs “Memory” and “Promise” which is played whenever the memories of the player’s little guide thing and the main villain’s past lives together are alluded to. This one song holds a lot of weight, as well as simply being a fucking cool song.

GAMEPLAY

This is, sadly, the one place I’ll not mince any words and say the gameplay is not amazing by any standard, it’s pretty much a classic mario game if it had RPG stats, items, and random abilities granted through the character and partner systems. The 3D flipping mechanic is nothing astounding, though it is very interesting to see how worlds are constructed

One of the biggest flaws people will mark the game for in its gameplay is that it’s tedious, and while I have to agree, that’s because I’ve already played the game before, and the tedium only comes from not being completely invested in the experience anymore. I’ll get some specific examples in a bit, but there’s a few cases of “tedium” that i believe are 100% intentional and drive the story in an interesting way

STORY/WRITING/GAME DESIGN

Thats a fuckin broad section, but its pretty much everything else i have to say on the game, and where the most spoilers and random praise is gonna be

I’m not actually gonna talk about the whole story, more just the strong parts of it, under the assumption you’ve already played it or understand a story as simple as “villain wants to destroy world, hero wants that to not happen”

The writing and characters are just flawless, everyone is fun to be around, especially the bad guys, who you see more antics of than your own party. There’s goofy running plotlines about O’chunks and mimi essentially getting grounded and being forced to write essays about why they fucked up at beating mario, and big stinky brother dimentio teasting and bullying them and sneaking them out to do his bidding when The big Count Bleck is away

The game is full of referential humor to not just mario itself but all kinds of games, there’s skeletons in hell who are clearly just Marios from the mainline games who died in stupid ways, there’s an actual dragon quest turn based boss battle in hell too, and chapter 3 has an otaku villain who tried to get with peach in a simulated visual novel

but the humor exists not just in references, but in simple good scenarios, with things like “Having a game show in a bathroom when everyone's life is at stake” and “locating an ancient manuscript to use as toilet paper” or “flying through black holes to find a convenience store” and things of that nature

It also interacts with the players emotions in many interesting ways, one of the more lauded being chapter 2-3, where mario is forced into working off a massive debt of fictional money, and is required to do hard, boring labor. There isn’t anyway to avoid doing both the hitting a block 100 times and the running on a treadmill for a few minutes thing, but the constant feeling of “there has to be a faster way to do this” drives the player to prod around, find the secrets, and slowly discover how to break the system wide open and get to the end, and i love it for that

This entire game is some sort of bait and switch, to put it simply, while it’s already a bit of a departure from both mario itself and the paper series, the first 5 worlds are pretty fucking tame stuff, other than the void, which is a giant black and purple spot that sits in the sky, always, every single world has the void growing in its sky, and it does grow, every chapter it gets bigger and bigger and takes up the sky, but where this truly culminates into the “switch” part is chapter 6, which starts itself by presenting you with the most TEDIUS sounding chapter possible, fight 100 enemies in a row, and nothing else, and for 25 straight fights, that is all it is, so you’ve locked yourself into it at this point, you know whats up, but the void in the background begins to grow to the point of being the entire fucking background, and every enemy you face speaks as if they know they’re all going to die, and by the 30th fight, one of the villains comes to stall for time as the void completely swallows the world, and the party is sent back to the hub. When they decide to go back in to world 6, its empty, the entire world is a white void with a single black line making up the ground, and colorless destroyed structures occasionally peaking out of the ground.

and you walk on this white void for so long and you just feel nothing but regret and fear and no matter how fast you make yourself go you feel like you’ll never find anything, but you do eventually get your plot item and escape

then, Dimentio, one of the villains you’ve seen the least of, appears in the hub world, the safest place in the universe, and kills mario

he just fucking kills him

he puts mario in a box and fills the box with explosions and mario fucking dies and goes to hell because fuck you mario

then you go through all of chapter 7 just to escape hell (called the Underwhere cus how could we possibly be allowed to take hell seriously) and join up with your full party before confronting the final world, which i’ve already stated i just love the design off

the game just takes the comfortable ride you’re on and throws it into the fucking sun and burns you alive and i love it so much, even the very end of the game doesnt let up, where the main villain is overtaken by that absolute madman Dimentio (Whose name is a play on both Dimension and dementia), who clearly was powerful enough to have done the whole “ending of the world” himself, but did it this way for the theatrics of it

there’s a lot i could still say about the game, but this post is absolute rambling and its 2 in the morning but as usual, i just wanted to shit my thoughts onto the internet to people could maybe learn somethin about either the game or me and how i think and look at and respond to stuff, and as always, anybody who read this whole thing is cool and i love you a whole heck of a lot

#long ass post #Super Paper Mario

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inenaffable · 4 years

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*hungry tummy noises*

they read it and they ask me "what the fuck is wrong with you" and i just can cry and laugh a little bit cause its funny, you know? its funny when no one else exists besides you and you still cant do anything. youre so stupid, you know that, you know that? you cant do anything because youre caged inside yourself so you create fantasies to pretend your life is interesting and youre not a hollow of a person, a carbon copy of whoever is the closest, unable to survive without a partner, a disgusting parasyte. god, youre not even good enough to ruin people, to mark them in any way possible. you just bore them, then your thrashed to the side. its not even dramatic enough to be written about, its just logical. youre so bad at being anything, its pathetic. you cant be good, great, you cant be filthy, despairful, youre nothing, notghin nothign nothing notghin nogthing nothing nothgin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no one can hate you if no one gives a fuck about you and you know that you know that the only one who hates yourself is you and you are the only fucking reason to all your problems because theyre all in your head and theyre fake, fucking fake, fake fake fake fake fake because you cant entertain yourself on your fucking life because everyone leaves you when they realize you are just a shell a copy a parasyte that sucks and sucks and sucks and doesnt give a fuck and is locked inside their own head and blames people for the crazy things your dumb fucking brain created fuck fuck fuck fuck

no one asks you what the fuck is wrong with you because no one cares, and everyone knows those things are only in your head, because you tell them, and you know, you fucking know, and thats the worst part of it

i dont know how to be a human being , even when imbeing the most disgusting one that exists - but im not, because its all in your head and youve never done anything

im perfect, its incredible, its amazing, really, you should look at me,look at me

i do bad things and dont feel guilty for them, i guilty myself for things that arent bad, and then i blame people for my own judgement, but i dontknow how to live outside of this

its scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary,scary,scary so so scary outside of here, dont let me go, dont let me go, youre gona go back all over again

except you cant go back to something that never even existed

what am i going to tell my therapist tomorrow? lies, lies, unconscious lies that im very aware of, all over again, excuses after excuses

why dont you just fuck me, tell me, why? i dont have to think, i dont want to think, im spending so much time alone and yet im doing absolutely nothign, im disgusting

but im perfect, so perfect, how can anyone ever hate me? everyone loves me, right? you love me, right? hey, are you reading this? hey, hey, wont you just fuck me? wont you make me forget i have a mind of my own?

im so disgusting, how can you love me? you like it, dont you? how im so very fake, how i cant take no’s, how im just barely nothing but annoyment when striped down. what, what? you want to see me strip? silly, silly, if i do that, then youd want to go away. its just too bad i cant control myself, right? i just want to be seen oh so badly.

theres no liquor in this house and i hate it, i hate it how i could just ask for it, but i wont, and ill still hate that theres none. thats me, thats me for you. dont you like it, love it? dont you just want to fuck me now?

i dont need to pretend in front of you, if you dont like it, just leave, im tired of you. i can say fuck and i can act like everything i do is coated with so much honey its nauseating, annoying, because thats who i am. lousy, annoying, nasty, spoiled, a horrible liar and so much more. but im nothing you guys like, im nothing i like, so ill wear baggy clothing even though i want to show my tits to everyone. my room is just too hot. i must not forget, nobody cares about me, nobody remembers me, no one will come back for me, so i can tear it up. i can say fuck and i can lick every single inch of my mirror and i can be whatever i want to be, because, because-

she said i love myself, i said i loved myself, and thats why. but maybe that was a lie. see, how havent you seen through that? i actually hate myself. oh, i do, so very much. its funny. dont you find it funny? tell me, tell me you laughed, tell me you could tell from the start, and that its okay, that ill learn to love myself at somepoint. i want to have sex with so many people because i hate myself and i dont want to think

hey, look at me, arent i ugly? arent i destroying myself? say, dont you think no one will never apreciate me again?

i dont know if what im preteding is to believe or to doubt. do i love it, do i hate it? its so tangled, its funny. i cant remember what came first. does it really even matters?

im so very hungry. i want to drink and let people touch me and touch them back, i want to feel whole. dont you just want to fuck me? im perfect, see? i promise, i promise, you wont regret it! come, come, just fuck me already.

imagine it,, imagine me, miserably sitting down in my bed, sweating, hungry, and writing all this jumbled mess on my dumb little notebook, typing on this double keyboard, listening to dumb little rain sounds on my dumb little one-sided earphone cause im too scared of the silence but cant listen to music cause my brain is just dumb dumb dumb and cant concentrate on more than one dumb little thing at a time

im so hungry, and its not even a metaphor anymore

im not doing it on purpose, i promise, i could eat so so much but theres just nothing to eat and most of the things are just icky

i could eat a whole hamburger if i could go out

dad, please, buy me a hamburger, please, please, im so hungry, wont you just buy me one

hey, dont you want to buy me things too? that would be nice, so very nice of you. say, give me your money, wont you? i could buy so much with it! i need it, i need you

fuck, fuck, tell me, how am i supposed to sleep now?

i sometimes wonder if i should take pills for it, but that would probably be a bad idea

i dont need any of it, and starting it would probably get me into something worse

think, wouldnt it be cool if i could stay up till 4am?

but i cant, and i need to sleep

wont you kiss me goodnight?

pretty, pretty please?

ah! thank you! thank you so much! i love you, i love you, i love you!

#en #babling #safe

0 notes

imagines-dreams · 7 years

Text

Not a Saint or a Demon - Connor Murphy Imagine

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE/DEATH (if you need someone to talk to my inbox, messages are always open!)

Summary: Even though your boyfriend’s parents hated you, that didn’t stop you and Connor from dating. However, when the first day of senior year comes, your life changes forever, and what haunts you is that you could’ve seen it coming.

Word Count: 5798

Notes: Italics are your texts. Bold are Connor’s.

You hadn’t seen Connor all summer, so on the first day of school, you were jumping out of bed before your alarm, eating a balanced breakfast, and making sure Connor’s gift was with you several times. You had been saving up your money for that professional art kit he had wanted for two years. It was the perfect plan. It was your senior year after all.

You bounced through the halls and watched for the familiar pale blue eyes and light brown hair.

The bell rang and plucked you out of your reverie.

Maybe he was running late. Just then, you spotted Zoe rushing to her first period. Maybe he was walking. Sometimes, Connor needed a walk to calm himself down. You held his present in one hand and fumbled for your phone with the other.

“Hey, you need some help?”

You looked up. “Yeah, uh, my phone’s right-”

“I got it.” The girl handed you your phone. “(Y/n), right?”

You pursed your lips. “Yeah. Alana?”

“Wow, I’ve heard so much about you. Not in a bad way. I mean, some in a bad way, sure, but I’ve never met you. Isn’t that crazy?”

You tried to smile, but it seemed like she was just like everyone else. Connor was known as a freak, and being his girlfriend resulted in some nasty rumors about you. “I’ve heard-”

“I mean, it isn’t that crazy. I’m not sure if we even like the same things. Like, you like student government.”

You let Alana ramble on for a minute. Then, she left, saying something about not wanting to have a tardy on her transcript or something. Once she was gone, you quickly texted Connor. Missing you. I got you a gift to make up for the weeks I havent been with you. You clenched your jaw and ran to your first class.

Every second was an hour to you. You tapped your pencil furiously for that one class to be over. Soon enough, the bell rang, and you bolted out of the door. You needed to give Connor his present. It was obvious he was having one of those days, so maybe you could help him. Skipping some classes on the first day wasn’t a crime anyway.

Then, you saw him. Connor’s hair was down, and he was wearing his signature color. However, his shoulders were square. His fists were clenched. His eyes were red. Something else was off, too. A kid you didn’t recognize was on the ground.

Then, Connor’s eyes met yours. Once they did, you rushed forward to hug him or comfort him in any way you could.

He had other plans. He ran in the opposite direction.

You didn’t even pause. You ran after him. You wanted to call out his name, but that would only bring more unwanted attention. You held Connor’s gift to your chest and paused in running. You knew where to find him anyway. You leaned against the wall to catch your breath. When the tardy bell rang, you shook your head and continued your trek to find Connor. You found him under the bleachers as he fumbled through his backpack.

“Connor?”

He jumped up from his seat. “Shit!” he hit his head right on the bottom of the bleachers.

“I’m sorry!” You flew over to him and reached for his head. “Are you ok? Do you need anything?”

Connor hesitated for a moment or two as he contemplated what his next action to be. “I’m fine.” He took a deep breath. “It’s great to see you again.”

You smiled. Seeing that he still wasn’t smiling, you opened your arms.

Connor’s lips curled only slightly and he let himself fall into your arms. Once he touched you, he immediately realized how much he missed your warmth. Conner pulled you into his embrace and squeezed you tightly. He took a deep breath and relaxed in your embrace.

You rubbed his back. “It’s ok. I’m here for you.”

He scoffed. “Summer’s been really shitty without you,” he whispered.

“Well, now nothing has to be shitty.” You laughed a little. “Now, we’re together. I’m here for whatever you need, ok? I’ll always be here.”

Connor stiffened. “Yeah. I know.”

SInce you’ve known him for quite a long time, you already knew something was bothering him more than usual. When he pulled away, you opened your mouth, ready to ask him.

“You said you had a present for me.”

You blinked a few times. Maybe it was best not to press. You held out the bag. “I saw it and immediately knew it belonged to you.”

Your boyfriend smiled. Both of you sat down on the turf, and he pulled you into his side.

“Someone needs cuddles huh?” you teased.

He just shook his head. “Stop it. I’m trying to open your gift, aren’t I?” He took a deep breath before slowly unwrapping it. When his eyes fell on what lay inside, he froze.

You gulped. Maybe he already had something like it. “If you don’t-”

“You didn’t have to,” he said. He traced his fingers over the box. “I didn’t get you anything.”

“Seeing you again, it’s enough.”

Connor bit his lip. “This can’t belong to me.”

You laughed. “It’s a professional art set, Connor. Of course it does. Every artist needs some good materials.” You smiled. “Although, you definitely do not need professional things for your art to stand out.”

He let out a small laugh. “Thank you, really. It’s been hell without you.”

You let your head fall on his shoulder. “I missed you, too.” With a small sigh, you asked, “So, am I sneaking into your house, or you’re sneaking into mine?”

Connor stared at the ground. “I don’t think I can make it today. Larry’s being an ass and the security is getting tight.”

“Oh.” You bit your lip in thought. “Maybe I could ask them.” Even as the words left your mouth, you knew how that would end up. “I mean, it’s been years. Maybe they’ll let me in the house.”

Connor shook his head. “It won’t work.”

“We could hang out after school,” you suggested.

He blinked a few times as he planned what would happen after school in his head. “Actually, uh, remember that old pastry shop by Griffin Street?”

You tilted your head. “That’s all the way across town. Are you sure you wanna meet up there?”

Connor nodded. “Just be there after school, ok?”

“Connor-”

“Please!”

You flinched.

Connor took a deep breath and wrung his hands. His voice grew softer than a whisper. “Sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry.” He looked you in the eye and forced a smile. “Just, please, be there after school.”

You wanted to press the issue. Obviously, there was something bothering him. “Do you promise to talk to me about what’s going on?”

Once again, your boyfriend stiffened. “I promise you’ll understand.”

You nodded. “Ok. Ok, good.” You gripped his hands. “I just care a lot about you, Connor. You get that, right?”

He gulped. “I know.”

You two stayed under the bleachers for a long while. For most of the time, Connor just held you in his arms and tried to breathe as steadily as he could. You snuggled into his chest and held onto his jacket. Both of you just desperately wished you could stay like that forever.

Then, a teacher found you and ordered that you go to your respective classes.

You pulled Connor most of the way to his class. Before you let him go, you straightened his jacket and ruffled his hair.

“What the fuck, (Y/n)?” he laughed.

“Sh!” You continued to adjust random things on his appearance. Then, out of nowhere, You pulled him by his jacket and pressed your lips against his shortly. You pulled away right after and smiled. “Sorry, you’re too cute when you smile and blush, Connor Murphy.”

Connor’s eyes were glazed over, and his breathing turned ragged. He blinked a few times before pulling you towards him and kissing you as hard as he could.

You gasped and smiled against his lips before kissing him back. Your fingers tangled in his hair as you tried to pull him even closer to you. Connor grabbed your hips with one hand while the other held your neck as he tried to memorize how it felt like to kiss you. How his skin sparked whenever you touched or how the overwhelming amount of adrenaline made both of you feel like you were on top of the world.

Connor pulled away first and raised his hands so he could cup your cheeks. “I love you,” he whispered, “so fucking much.”

It felt like the air was sucked right out of you, from the kiss, and from his words. You smiled and kissed his nose. “I love you, too. So. Fucking. Much.”

“What are you kids doing?” a teacher screeched. “Get back to class!”

Connor laughed a little. He pulled you in for one more kiss and walked to class. You saluted the teacher and entered your class with a smile on your face.

You spent the rest of the day in a daze. You couldn’t believe that someone like Connor loved you so much.

Lunch passed, and Connor wasn’t present.

Just then, you got a text from him. Skipping lunch and everything

Be at the pastry shop after school

Please

You grit your teeth. Connor is everything ok?

Stop worrying

Im fine

Ill tell you at the shop

Your finger hovered over the call button. If you called, Connor would get mad, but would that matter? Connor had had episodes where he was like that. Maybe you were overreacting.

You promise? You ended up texting.

I promise

You took a deep breath. I love you

I love you

You smiled and went about your day. Finally, the end of school came, and you headed to the other side of town. You searched the shop for Connor, but he wasn’t there. He was probably running late. Convincing Zoe to drive him to you was always a challenge. You clutched your phone and waited for his texts. You reread the words he last sent you and beamed. How was it that that boy was so amazing? It wasn’t even his voice. Those three words were already making your heart race.

Then another notification.

You jumped and opened Connor’s new text.

(Y/n), I love you very much, which is why i had to

You stopped reading.

No, the text was too long. No, it was too suspicious. No, it couldn’t be. Why didn’t you see it sooner? You dropped your phone and picked it up and rushed to the Murphy house. He told to you to go to the other side of the fucking town, and you didn’t see it coming. He wanted you as far from his house as you could get. He said that he loved you more than once in one day. He said he didn’t deserve his gift. He was showing all the signs you’ve read about and researched, and you couldn’t fucking catch it.

He had to be ok. He had to be. You were going to find him before anything happened, and everything was going to be ok. You were going to force his parents to give him therapy. You were going to get a job to pay for it. You were going to graduate and move in together and curse at the world together.

Connor Murphy, the love of your life, was going to be ok.

Then, you were at his house. Cynthia’s car was in the driveway, but that didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that his parents banned you from seeing each other. You were going to see him whether they allowed you to or not. You took your key, courtesy of Connor, and stormed in.

“What are you doing here?” screeched the woman. “Get out of my house!”

He couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t be. You love Connor Murphy with all you could. He took up your thoughts and joined you in your dreams. You wanted to be with him whenever he needed it and when he didn’t. You wanted to hold him and to be held by him. You wanted the pointless arguments and the soft cuddles. You want everything with him.

You rushed up the steps. He was going to be ok. You zipped past Zoe’s room. He was going to be ok. You flung open Connor’s door. He had to be ok.

Everyone heard you scream. “Connor!” You were wrong. He wasn’t ok. He was far from it. You screamed again, you weren’t sure what you said, but seconds later there were people around you. The next thing you knew was that you were kneeling on the ground and the feeling of anger, sadness, and guilt eat you up until you felt empty. Just empty.

He was gone. The love of your life, Connor Murphy, was gone.

You were there when the ambulance came. You were there when they told you the news. You were there when they lowered him into the ground. You were there for him, and it was the cruelest joke you’ve ever been through.

You kept on reliving that day, his last day. You had so many chances. You could’ve confronted him under the bleachers. You could’ve stayed there and forced him to tell you what he was doing. You could’ve called him when he left ans ask what was wrong. You could’ve stayed at school a little bit later and get that text earlier. You could’ve ran faster. You could’ve done something that would’ve made you seconds earlier. You might’ve saved him. He could’ve been alive.

But, he wasn’t. You didn’t save him. You weren’t there for him, the one time it was most important.

His last text to you was his note to you. According to his parents, he didn’t address one to them or to Zoe. So, it was just you. They unlocked Connor’s phone and read his last text to you because you didn’t allow them to see your phone. The school counselors gave you attention, the same attention every fucking person in that school apparently needed. Everyone was Connor’s best friend. Everyone was your best friend, too, apparently.

“I’m so sorry about what happened to you.”

“Hey, you’re gonna be ok.”

“You’ll find someone else.

“We’re having an assembly,” the principal told you. “Would you like to speak?”

You glared at him. He wanted you to give a speech about the boy you loved, the boy you failed to protect, in front of people who thought they knew him a few days after he took his life. DId that idiot know anything about human emotions, or was he just taunting you?

You slipped past the doors and tried to avoid the assembly, but the speakers were telling you exactly what was happening in the gym.

Then, you heard his voice. A stuttering mess at first, then a well thought-out speech that followed. Evan Hansen. Connor’s best friend.

You clenched your fists, and your vision got blurry. You were Connor’s best friend, and you knew for a fact that Evan Hansen was not Connor’s best friend, friend, acquaintance.

You cornered the kid after school. “What the fuck are you doing?” you spat out.

“W-What I, uh, w-what do you-”

“Connor’s best friend, that’s shit.” You towered over the kid. “I’m his best friend and girlfriend. Connor never went back to that fucking orchard, and he preferred a slice of pie over ice cream any day. You think you know him so well from what, huh? From the rumors you hear? Who do you think you-”

“Woah!”

You blinked a few times as a new player came onto the scene. A kid with glasses and a laptop under his arm. Evan Hansen was cowering behind him as tears welled up in his eyes. You almost felt sorry for him.

“How do you know who Connor Murphy was anyway?” the kid accused you.

“Because he loves me!” you shouted. Tears fell on your fists, and it was hard to breathe. He was gone, and you couldn’t get him back. “Because I love him,” you whispered.

His eyes widened. “You’re (Y/n), his girlfriend.”

“No shit,” you muttered.

“Ok, ok, well, we can fix this.”

“Fix?” you screamed. “This guy claims that he knows a guy who he probably never heard about and is getting fame off of his death!” Your voice cracked as you said that last word.

“Well, then, let me explain. Can I explain? Because afterward, you’re going to want to be involved in the Connor Project.”

You scoffed.

“We won’t fake anything anymore if we have you. You know that, right?”

You paused. They mentioned The Connor Project during the assembly. “To keep his memory alive,” you whispered.

The kid nodded. “See, like that. You could do that for us.”

You gulped. Keeping Connor’s memory alive. You could definitely do that. No one would remember Connor as a freak anymore. They could see him as the person he was, an artist with problems and successes. You fixed your hair and wiped your tears. “Fine, but if I don’t like what you say, I’m exposing everyone involved.”

The kid, Jared, explained to you Evan’s anxiety, what had happened in the computer lab, the incident in principal’s office, and what he had said at the Murphy’s house.

“They invited Evan to their house?”

Evan nodded.

You took a deep breath. They hated you that much. You paced as you tried to make a plan. Going to the Murphy’s house when they despised you as much as they did would be a tragedy for both sides. You wouldn’t be able to look at any part of the house without breaking down. You wouldn’t be able to talk without arguing with them. You wouldn’t be able to breathe knowing that that was the house Connor had…

No, you had to do something else.

You took a deep breath. “Who’s in charge of what goes on the website?”

“Alana is,” Jared told you.

“Then, I need to talk to her. I know what to put on the site, and it’s not going to be some emails.” You eyed Evan. “It’s going to be real.”

For the next few days, you spent your time scouring your house for anything of Connor’s, specifically something he gave you before summer started. Once you found it, you sat down and traced his name that was scratched onto the cover. You weren’t going to show them everything, but there were a few things everybody needed to see if they wanted to honor Connor.

You flipped through the pages, careful to not rip or tamper anything. When tears began to fall, you held the book slightly away from you, so nothing could soil it. You flipped through the charcoal sketches. A sunset here. A few trees here and there. A rose bush on one page and a sunflower on the next. However, more than half of the pages were of you. One with hair covering your face as you tried to study the textbook. One where the light of your laptop shined on your face as you scrolled through your favorite sites. One where flowers adorned your hair like a crown.

There was a clump of pages where it was just rough sketches.

“I can’t get your smile right,” he had told you as he threw the book away.

You had picked up his book and placed it in his lap. “Connor, your drawings are amazing, and I still don’t get why you want me to pose for you.”

He glared at you. “I still can’t get it right.” He opened his book. “I would show everyone these,” he pointed at his landscape drawings, “because you know, it looks nice and shit, but yours…” He showed you one of his drawings of you.

You gasped. “Connor, this is amazing.” Your fingers hovered over the drawing, scared to ruin it. “It’s like a photograph, but I actually look great.” You kissed him. “It’s beautiful.”

Connor had smirked. “Do I get a kiss for each drawing?”

“Are you trying to bribe me, Connor?”

“Maybe,” he had whispered as he pulled you in for another bruising kiss.

You wiped your eyes and sighed. No, not the drawings of you. Just the ones that he told you he would’ve shown everyone. The sun. The forest. The flowers. Not you. Just not you.

Plus, it would be one big surprise to the Murphy’s if they found out you were the one putting up the content.

Weeks later, buried in Connor’s old sketches, you scrolled through the newly-redesigned website. Sketches of Connor were everywhere. Alana even put in a link meant for a gallery of Connor’s drawings. Funds for reopening the orchard were changed into funds for the old art museum. Alana didn’t mention your name on the website, per your request, and you couldn’t be more grateful. Jared actually grew closer to you as a friend who helped chose which drawings to put on the website. Evan continued to tell the Murphy’s about the increased interest in The Connor Project because of anonymous help.

Then, something made you snap.

Evan stuttered, “(Y/n)?”

“Evan,” you calmly said, “what is it? Everything ok?”

Evan stiffened. “Uh, I told them.”

“Evan, told who?”

“T-The Murphy’s.” He bowed his head and frantically looked around. “Can we, uh, maybe, go somewhere. Privacy?”

You nodded. You led Evan outside. “Ok, what happened?”

Evan wrung his hands. “I told them I wasn’t, uh, that the letter was, uh, that it wasn’t his.”

“Oh,” you gasped. You reached out to touch him, but you hesitated. How were you supposed to help him? “You need anything?”

The boy shook his head. “Not from you. I mean, I think you need to talk to them.” Evan picked at the hem of his shirt as he tried to explain. “They asked me where I got the drawings from. If they were real, too.” He held up his hands. “I didn’t tell them about you, I swear, but I think they need to, you know,” he cleared his throat, “know. Right?”

You gulped. You knew it was going to happen eventually, but were you ready to go back inside the house Connor lived in? Were you ready to face the people who neglected him? The people who loathed you?

“You don’t have to!” Evan said. “But, they asked if I could bring Mr. Anonymous over.”

You had to do it. You had to face them. You had to tell them about Connor, the true Connor. Slowly, you nodded. “When?”

“Tonight.”

You pursed your lips. “Yeah. Ok. There’ stuff I need to talk to them about anyway.”

That night, you stood outside the Murphy house. For once, you were going to technically be welcome there. Evan was next to you, and his nervousness showed more than yours. “R-Ready?” he stammered.

“Yeah.” You held out your hand. “Ready, Evan Hansen?”

He nodded and took your hand.

You knocked on the door and waited. The door opened. Larry was standing there. His scrunched-up eyebrows and hate in his eyes didn’t help the brick in your stomach. “(Y/n), what are you doing here?”

“You asked for the Anonymous art provider,” Evan said. He nodded to you. “This is her. She, I mean. This is she.”

You smiled a little, while Evan coughed into his fist. “Hi, Larry.”

“It’s Mr. Murphy to you.”

You sneered. “I was the one who provided the sketches by Connor. Whether you like it or not, your son was open to me, and to honor him, I showed everyone who wanted to see the real Connor Murphy.” You smiled a smile that was too wide. “Why? Do you remember him as someone else, Larry?”

Larry’s frown deepened. He opened the door even wider.

Evan and you stepped in before he could change his mind. You sat down next to Evan, while Cynthia dropped her fork at the sight of you. “Evan, I thought you were bringing the anonymous art provider.”

Evan pointed at you. “That’s she.” He immediately cleared his throat and shrunk back in his seat.

You smiled a little. “Hello, Cynthia.” You nodded to the other girl. “Zoe.”

The teenager just glared at you and picked at her food.

Cynthia quickly recovered with a polite smile. “So, (Y/n), do you have some of his drawings with you?” she tried.

You shook your head. “No, I don’t.”

“Why not?” she asked.

You shrugged. “Connor told me to not show you.”

The woman pursed her lips and blinked several times. “(Y/n), I’m his mother. I do believe I can see-”

“No, you can’t,” you snapped. “Connor told me to keep his drawings from you and your family.” You gulped. “That’s why all of his sketchbooks are at my house, not here.” You served yourself some food. You had a feeling they were going to kick you out, so might as well. You shoved food into your mouth. After you gulped, Cynthia asked, “Why the, uh, art museum? Connor’s never been there.”

You scoffed. “You don’t know your son.” You tilted your head and stared at your plate. “He took me there on our fourth date. He’s been there so many times, the custodian greets him by name.”

She held her breath. “I didn’t know.”

“You don’t know a lot of things.”

“Hey,” Larry pointed at you, “stop talking to my wife that way.”

“Connor was a person. Not a saint or a demon. A person. When both of you realize that, I will talk to you with respect.” You laughed, although there was no humor anywhere in your laugh. “What do you expect from him? Even in death, you put him on a pedestal.”

“I don’t.” Zoe stared at you through her hair.

You took a deep breath. You couldn’t find it in yourself to hate her. Connor had told you about the incidents between him and Zoe. Then, she found out her boyfriend was lying to her from the start. It was hard for her, but she knew Connor better than her parents did. At least, there was that.

You sighed. “I know.” You bit your lip. “Evan didn’t lie about that,” you breathed out. You smiled a little as you remembered what Connor would say about his sister. “He did talk about you, positively and negatively.”

“When was which?”

“Depends.” You shrugged. “He did it with me, too.”

Cynthia tilted her head. “Talked about you negatively?”

You gulped. “Yeah. He had his bad days and good days, as people do.” You turned to Zoe. “I’m sorry for what happened between the two of you.”

Zoe’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything.

You continued, “His sickness is no excuse for what he did, and there’s nothing I could say to make it up.” You sucked in air before you started again. “But, if you want to know more about your brother as the person he, uh, was, I can answer your questions.”

Zoe had licked her lips. “Did he go back to the orchard?”

Evan bowed his head in shame as you shook your head. “He preferred the art museum or the pastry shop on Griffin.” You gulped down another bite of food. As everyone tried to ignore the deafening silence, your thoughts overtook you. You had been in that house several times, but you had never been there to eat and dine with Connor’s parents. You were always in his room.

“Finally,” Connor had breathed when you gripped his windowsill. He had helped you into his room and engulfed you in a hug. Through your shirt, you could already feel salty tears on your shoulder as you held him tightly. “It’s going to be ok,” you had whispered. You had woven your hands through his hair. “I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”

You blinked back tears and stared past the stairs and at Connor’s bedroom door. “Have you opened it?” you asked them. “His door?”

Larry’s steely gaze burned into you. “Yes. We had to.”

You gulped. “Would you mind?”

“Of course we would,” Larry snapped. “You’re not allowed in this house.”

“Larry!” his wife shouted.

“No, why is she here? What does she know about our son?”

“Your son,” you gently said, “was my boyfriend.” As your voice grew, Evan shrunk back into hi seat and teared up.

Larry pointed at your friend. “He didn’t know anything, Cynthia. Why should we believe her? She could be lying. Do you want to go through that again?”

The woman put a hand up to her mouth and cried. Her daughter just clenched her fists as she tried to ignore the scene erupting before her.

You stomped up to Larry, and even though he was much taller than you were, you were not intimidated. How dare he question the relationship between you and Connor. You love him. He loved you. For over two years, the two of you endured the world together, and Larry was demeaning all of that.

“What’s his favorite color?”

“He wore it,” Larry shot back.

Black? They really thought black was Connor’s favorite color? You shook your head. “It was a faded yellow. It reminded him of the yellowed pages in his sketchbook. He wore black so charcoal stains wouldn’t show.”

Larry interrogated you. “Who was his best friend?”

“I was!” You scoffed. “What, you wanted me to say Evan? I know your son better than you do, and you don’t like that, don’t you?”

The man just sneered. “That’s it. I don’t need to put up with this any longer.” He disappeared into his room. Cynthia trailed behind him as she whimpered things you couldn’t understand.

You wiped your eyes. “I guess I’m not welcome here.” You looked back to see Evan staring at Zoe, and the girl staring at her lap, deep in thought. You cleared your throat. “Evan, do you want to stay?”

He shook his head and bolted to you.

“Zoe,” you said, “I meant every word I said to you.”

Then, you and Evan left the Murphy house.

A few days later, Zoe approached you. “(Y/n)?”

You gasped and pressed your fingers to your forehead. “Sorry, uh, bad day.” Sometimes the weight of what happened just didn’t leave you. You tried to force a polite smile. “Yes?”

Zoe pursed her lips. “I wanted to thank you.”

You tilted your head. “I’m sorry, uh, but why?”

“For being with him.” The girl shrugged. “I still don’t know why you did, but it made him,” she stared at her books as she tried to find the right words, “better.” She gulped. “I didn’t know he told anyone about what happened between us.”

You nodded. “He was mad, unrightfully so. He just didn’t know how to handle his anger.”

The girl nodded in understanding. “You changed him for the better, (Y/n). I don’t know, just,” she adjusted her backpack, “know that whatever my parents say about you. It’s not true. You were good for him.”

You took a deep breath. Maybe one day you’d believe those words. At that moment, you kept them in your pocket for future use, when everything seemed ok again. You nodded and bit your tongue to avoid making a fool of yourself and crying in the hallways.

Zoe nodded. “See ya.” She left.

After she was gone, you retreated outside, under the bleachers, and cried. You still felt empty. You still felt guilty. You still felt mad and sad and everything that came the day you found your boyfriend’s body, but as Zoe’s words echoed in your head, you knew that one day, the pain would fade, and you would be ok.

A few years later, you were doing decently, with a nice apartment and a stable job. However, Jared had invited you back to your hometown for a bit of a reunion.

You sighed at the sight of the old art museum. Well, you shouldn’t say that. Newly renovated art museum. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

“Lame, isn’t it?” Connor had said. He had gripped his hair. “I knew it! I shouldn’t have brought you-”

You touched his cheek and kissed his nose.

Connor froze as his blood flooded his cheeks.

You giggled. “Now, that’s cute. Connor, this is the perfect place for a date.” When he didn’t make an effort to move, you slowly slipped your hand into his, and both of you entered the museum. “So,” you asked, “have you been here before?”

He shrugged. “Once or twice.” He sighed as cheeks finally returned to their pale color.

“Connor!” The custodian waved at him.

Connor glared at the young man, but that didn’t stop him.

The custodian smiled. “Welcome back. Unfortunately, they don’t have any new exhibits since last time you were here.”

You pursed your lips as Connor stiffened and avoided your gaze. You pulled Connor to your side and held on to his arm. You rested your chin on his shoulder and whispered, “Is it bad that I find you really hot right now?”

Connor turned to look at you with wide eyes and a mouth that opened and closed again and again. His cheeks were as red as ever. The boy bowed his head so his hair covered his face, but you had different ideas. You placed your hand on his cheek again. “Hey,” you whispered, “I think you look absolutely brilliant when you blush.” You giggled as the redness in Connor’s cheeks spread to his ears and forehead. “So where to?” You pulled away with a bright smile. “You’re the expert after all.”

Connor led you outside to see the sculptures. “This is my favorite,” he whispered. “Sculptures take up space, like we do, except we search for a reason to be here. They don’t have to. Someone worked to create it, and it ends up being pretty enough to end up here.” He blinked a few times. “Sorry, that sounded so fucked up. I don’t even know what I was saying. Sorry.”

You smiled and kissed his cheek. “That was beautiful, Connor.” You held his hand. “I think I know why you’re here, though.”

“Really?” he scoffed. “To piss people off?”

You shook your head. “To be an artist.” You giggled when his eyes widened. “Connor, did you really think I didn’t notice the charcoal on your fingertips or the interest you have in different artists.” You had shrugged. “You rambled on about Guy Denning yesterday. I bet, one day, your artwork will be here, too.”

“My art’s not that pretty.” Connor had blushed again. Before you could contradict him, he whispered, “You’re too good for me, (Y/n) (Y/l/n).”

“On the contrary, Connor Murphy, I believe you’re too good for me.”

“(Y/n)!”

You opened your eyes and smiled at Alana. “Hey,” you greeted. “Where’s everyone else?”

She grabbed your hand. “Follow me. You’re late, you know. Oh, and you’re gonna love what you’re gonna see. We’ve been preparing-”

“Preparing?” you asked.

She stopped so that you could look around and hug everyone else, Evan, Jared, and even Zoe. “What’s this all about?” you asked them.

Jared shrugged. “Look up.”

You squinted at him before looking at the archway that led to the sculpture garden. You gasped. A picture of the sunset was copied onto the archway. A caption beneath it was Connor’s signature. A plaque was placed by the door, reading, “Donated by The Connor Project. A reminder that you will be found.”

You held your hand up to your mouth and felt the tears coming back. You held onto your friends and continued to stare at the beautiful artwork in front of you. You told him so.

PLEASE TELL ME IF SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS IMAGINE!!! I wrote the draft in one sitting, editted for a few days, and tried my best to finalize it without being specific about what happened that we as an audience dont know about. If there is anything I wrote that offends you, please, tell me. I will fix it!

#dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen imagine #dear evan hansen oneshot #dear evan hansen x reader #deh #connor murphy x reader #connor murphy #connor murphy oneshot #connor murphy imagine

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