unmedicated anxiety disorder person befuddled by brain doing the disorder

BnHA Chapter 307: The One With Shindou

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor and Hawks (and Jeanist too, although he didn’t really do anything, but BY GOD, WHAT IS UP WITH HIS NECK) held a press conference and were all, “everything you’ve heard is true, so we would just like to say, from the bottom of our hearts... our bad.” U.A. opened its doors to the public as an evacuation shelter. Deku and All Might told basically EVERYBODY about OFA, which is absolutely wild, and yet somehow we hardly paid any attention to this at all. Mostly because the chapter ended with Deku being all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD, THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN” and peacing out of U.A. to embark on a solo journey of angst. So this is either gonna be the best or the worst thing that ever happened to this series, so TIME TO FIND OUT WHICH IT IS.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so who do you guys want to see next? Deku? Bakugou?? Well how about SHINDOU?” Shindou is all “hi :) I’m Shindou :) :) remember me :) :) :)?” Horikoshi is all “I’m so sorry for depriving you guys of Shindou for so fucking long, how about an ENTIRE CHAPTER ALL OF HIM” and then he REALLY FUCKING DOES IT because, I don’t know?? Did we make him mad?? Am I being punished for something I did in a past life?? It really is, honest to god, seventeen whole goddamn pages of Shindou, punctuated by a few pages of Muscular, and topped off with one (1) whole appearance by Deku at THE VERY END. And we don’t even get to see his face. I am beside myself lmao I’m sorry you guys, you can skip this recap if you want. Or just skip straight to the end, because movie 3 promo.

“long time no see” now what could this mean?? can’t think of too many characters this phrase would apply to right now. although I can think of one big one, and I know that fandom has been trying to manifest his deadbeat ass to finally show itself for years now. could it finally be that time? if Hisashi shows up and debunks DFO a big chunk of the fandom is probably going to riot lol

(ETA: why oh why did I get my hopes up like that lmao. I’m pretty sure Hisashi doesn’t actually exist and Deku was either immaculately conceived, or the stork really did bring Inko a lil green baby from the cabbage patch.)

anyway, so the chapter is opening on this random scene of CRIME and DISARRAY

was this all done by that big villain from the previous chapter? utility poles knocked down, random holes in the sides of buildings, and it looks like this one car pulled over in a hurry and the driver just hopped out and ran

who are these people talking

OH NO, OH GOD

I am immediately struck by the urge to push Shindou off of this ledge. is that mean? probably that is mean, but also fuck this guy lmao. every year you cheat someone out of their well-deserved spot in the popularity poll, and every year I want to punch you in your stupid face for it

bah. and how are you doing, Tatami. love that hero name even if you do have arguably the dumbest superpower in the entire series

listen, though. here I am shitting on these Ketsubutsu kids for no good reason, and I’m sorry about that, and truthfully it’s mostly because I just want to see Deku and/or Kacchan and so it’s hard to give a fuck about anything else right now. BUT, I will immediately cease and desist ALL of my complaining if this means we also get to see my best girl Ms. Joke, omg. Horikoshi please

sdlkfjlskalk

FUCK YOU SHINDOU OMG. I’M SORRY GUYS I CAN’T HELP IT, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO EMINENTLY PUNCHABLE AND DETESTIBLE. IT’S LIKE SOMEONE COMBINED WESLEY CRUSHER WITH JEAN RALPHIO

but LSKJFLEK at this random reminder that Bakugou refused to shake his fucking hand. like, that’s his “fun fact” apparently lol. it’s what he deserves

also living for this “cringe” here, too. fuck you Shindou. I am so, so sorry to any Shindou fans out there you guys because I’m just going to be like this the entire time he’s here. the hate is flowing through me

how has it been three whole pages and I still have to look at his stupid face

anyway so it seems like the kids are having to pick up the slack for Old Man Samurai and all those other assholes who retired. I’m guessing the U.A. kids will be seeing a lot more action as well

but in the meantime let’s hope no villains attack here all of a sudden, because all Tatami can do is make herself shorter while Shindou creates an earthquake to bring the entire building down around them dflkjslk

these guys don’t particularly want to go with them and I can’t say I blame them

so now Shindou is saying that yeah, they can probably handle the looters and such by themselves, but it’s a different story when it comes to the Noumu and the escaped Tartarus prisoners. Shindou how dare you make a reasonable point that I can’t immediately argue with

he says that one of the escapees was sighted in the area, so that’s why they’re trying to evacuate everyone

and the guy disagrees and says he doesn’t trust the heroes and thinks they’re pompous

fdskljk. fucking...

ME: Horikoshi can we please stop and get Deku HORIKOSHI: we have Deku at home THE DEKU AT HOME: 

Horikoshi. please. we get it, the civilians don’t trust the heroes anymore. I UNDERSTAND. I COMPREHEND THIS. so unless there is some other point to this scene I respectfully ask that you hurry things along because omg

did Tatami always have this habit of speaking in meme language and such? I thought that was Camie’s thing but hey

listen, I’m here for anyone who’s willing to drag this man down into the depths of the earth. I would just also rather not spend the entire fucking chapter on this oh my god. Horikoshi do you have any more of those chapters where things happen in them?? those are good, I like those

YESSSSSS FINALLY

so whoever’s on the other end of the call (ETA: it’s that rock-looking guy who can harden anything that he touches. why does BnHA have so many hardening powers) is telling them to run because there’s apparently a villain heading right for them, oh my

WHO IS HE

depending on who it is I can’t promise I won’t be rooting for them over you, buddy

ohhhhhh shit

huh. well that’s... hmm... but on the other hand...

okay lol no, I know it’s bad. Muscular fucking LOVES murdering kids. not even Shindou deserves that. I’m sure he has a family that loves him and stuff. and Tatami seems like a sweet girl. they don’t deserve to be murdered

that is the question isn’t it? are we really going to spend the entire chapter with Limbs-Retracting-Girl and her boyfriend, Joseph Gordon-Levitt from (500) Days of Summer??

YES OMG

YES PLEASE CALL YOUR SENSEI. my god do you know what I would give to see Ms. Joke take down an S-class villain??

(ETA: all I’ll say is that we were robbed here, you guys.)

now Tatami is running away while Shindou stays behind omg

Horikoshi I know I said I hate the guy, and I do, but my god. seems I don’t hate him half as much as you do you. been nice knowing you Shindou my man

are you serious Tatami really ran all the way back up here to try and evacuate these guys one more time

SHE’S SUCH A GOOD PERSON omg if you assholes don’t listen to her you deserve to get murdered

BRO

HORIKOSHI DID YOU REALLY FUCKING DO IT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT

LOL OKAY NO, SO FAR HE’S ONLY MESSED UP HIS FACE

WHAT A SHAME WHAT A TRAGEDY. THE WORLD MOURNS

okay but seriously, now he has to be dead

r.i.p. Shindou. he died doing what he loved, talking a lot and being utterly useless

then again, damn Shindou are you really gonna come out here and be a badass?? gonna make me eat my words there kiddo?

I have absolutely no idea if I should expect this to work or not. all I know is that this is page 14, and so it would seem we really are going to spend the entire fucking chapter on fucking Shindou. this beautiful chapter had so much potential, Horikoshi. and now look at it. I hope you’re happy

nope it didn’t fucking work at all lmao

IT’S JUST LIKE I SAID. r.i.p. you pretentious handsome lump

OHHHHHH SNAP

DEKU YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO LOL. anyway but it’s good to see you!! it’s good to see ANYONE other than these guys sob but especially you

FINALLY SOMETHING COOL OMG

somehow Horikoshi actually made the bunny mask look badass?? I don’t think this is sustainable, but I am here for it while it lasts

Shindou should by all rights be nothing but A HANDSOME PASTE at this point lol but WHATEVER. it’s BnHA; getting smashed into walls and cliffs has more or less the same consequences as being set on fire. slap a band-aid on it and you’re good to go

we are REALLY ENDING IT HERE huh

well. and that’s it. I just did not care about any of that lmao. a rare dud of a chapter. well, but we’ve had something like ten in a row that ranged from “pretty good” to “amazing”, so I guess that’s fair

anyway I feel like I owe you guys something other than endless bitching and moaning, so! BONUS:

now this is more like it

first of all, I’m absolutely living for this promo’s “YEET THE CHILDREN OUT OF A HELICOPTER” vibes. FUCK YEAH WE’RE HEROES BITCH

is Deku wearing a jetpack/parachute?? let’s hope he is because I’m assuming he doesn’t have Float yet, so if that’s not a jetpack then it is a LONG WAY DOWN kiddo

these maniacs actually got Deku to wear something other than his red shoes holy fuck. I’m speechless. are we sure that’s not an imposter??

Shouto has the funniest falling position I’ve ever seen. I’m assuming his left arm is not in fact tucked under his leg like it appeared to be at first glance?? like, wtf is the outline of your body right now Shouto

this is what I think it is after careful analysis, but at first I thought this kid had some hidden contortionist abilities

and then there’s this guy

I MISSED YOU YOU BIG GOON. loving the new gauntlets!! and he’s changed up his impractical metal neck thingy into arm thingies! but most importantly, ARE THESE WHAT I THINK THEY ARE

ARE THOSE WEENIES. KACCHAN. KACCHAN HAVE YOU GONE NATIVE OMFG

and meanwhile, look who’s with them! Endeavor makes perfect sense of course, but Hawks is a very welcome surprise. does this mean we can expect to see Tokoyami too? because I would fucking love that

lastly, so this confirms the whole “world heroes” thing! which we all pretty much guessed anyway lol. I wonder if this movie will take place in another country (fingers crossed). the city in the background doesn’t look particularly familiar, but this image probably wasn’t meant to be analyzed in that way lol. anyways, looking forward to this so much, PLEASE GIVE US A TRAILER SOON omg

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

This story takes place during the summer of 1987. It’s the time of the Cold War, and heavy metal, and Just Say No.

Ten chapters, each with a specific song as its soundtrack.

I’m so excited to finally share it with you.

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Also posted at AO3

—-

Chapter 3: Dancing On Glass

I've been through hell // And I'm never goin' back // To dancing on glass // Going way too fast...

Need one more rush // Then I know, I know I'll stop // One extra push // Last trip to the top...

Soundtrack: “Dancing On Glass,” Mötley Crüe, 1987 [click here to listen]

Three P.M.

Group.

Claire’s hands wrapped around the hard sides of the plastic chair, holding herself upright, watching about two dozen fellow patients? inmates? addicts? shuffle into the room.

Two people stood at the door – greeting others as they entered, handing out small packets of tissues and bottles of Coke.

Today’s facilitator – a middle-aged, bearded man – stood to one side, chatting with a few people.

“Hey!”

Claire startled – and turned to her right to see Jamie slide into the chair beside her.

“How’s it going today? Day two, right?”

She nodded. “Met with my therapist this morning.”

“That’s great! Who’ve you got?”

“Gillian.”

Jamie cracked open a bottle. “Oh, she’s great. Been here a long time. She’s married to the director – did you know that?”

Claire’s eyebrows raised. “No, but that’s really interesting.”

Jamie gulped about half the bottle in one shot. “Yeah. We owe everything to them.”

“Yeah, well. I got assigned to dinner set-up duty.”

He beamed. “Great! I’ve been on that rotation for the last few weeks. I’ll show you all the ropes.”

“Few weeks? How long have you been here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

He set down his Coke. “I don’t. And I’ve been here eight weeks. The best eight weeks of my fucked-up life.”

“Don’t say that,” she chided. “Surely everything can’t be so terrible.”

He stared at her for a long moment.

“It can be, if you were the reason why a sold-out European tour couldn’t happen, and it cost your backers and buddies tens of millions of dollars, and it pissed off countless thousands of fans.”

Now the greeters took their seats within the circle.

“Couldn’t, or didn’t?” Claire hoped her words were gentle, but when her head split with pain like this she could never tell. “And what do you mean by ‘tour’?”

His eyes narrowed. “Couldn’t. My manager said I’d come back from Europe in a body bag. He’s a bloodsucker but he had enough sense to not kill the golden goose.” He finished his Coke in one long gulp – flexing the tattoos swirling on his forearm and elbow. “And I’m a professional musician – in case you couldn’t guess from the way I look.”

“I see.”

He grinned. “How about that – someone who doesn’t recognize me.”

She folded her hands in her lap, closing her eyes against the pain, so desperately wanting to disappear. “I guess between medical school, and being a surgeon, and my ex-husband…and the pills…there are a lot of things I haven’t paid attention to.”

“Hey.” Softly he reached out to touch her knee – and she looked up at him.

“I’m not making fun of you, Claire. It’s just…I don’t know. Refreshing.”

She smiled tightly.

The facilitator clapped his hands. “Everyone – are we ready?”

People around the circle nodded, and the man sat down in the last empty chair.

“Great. Well, hi everyone. For those of you who don’t know me – I’m Murtagh. Been clean for just about eleven years now. Before that I spent a small fortune that I didn’t have – ”

“ – on enough blow to kill an elephant,” Jamie and several others chorused.

Murtagh smiled. “Wiseasses. Now – today’s topic is: clarity.”

“Can you be more specific?” A heavyset, bearded man across the circle piped up.

“You mean – provide more clarity?” Geneva snickered from somewhere near Jamie.

“Easy,” Murtagh interjected. “And yes, Rupert, of course. What I mean is: something I hear a lot from people here is that being away from substances gives them clarity for the first time in years. Clarity of thoughts – meaning, you’re logical and rational. Clarity of judgment – meaning, you feel like you are empowered to make good decisions. And overall, clarity to step away from all the bullshit that the substances made you do, or made it easier for you to do, and say – damn, what the hell was I doing?”

Across the circle, Rupert nodded. “OK. Oh – hi everyone, I’m Rupert, and I’m an alcoholic. Yeah – I can definitely relate. I wanted to not have clarity, so that I didn’t have to think about how much I was screwing up my job, and my marriage.”

“Good,” Murtagh praised. “And now that you can’t avoid it – how do you feel?”

Rupert stroked his thick beard. “Like shit. I love Scarlet so much, and I fucked it all up. I understand that now.”

“I feel the same way,” Jamie added. “Hi, I'm Jamie, and I'm an alcoholic, too. I drank because I’ve always felt so responsible for everything going on in my band – because I’m the guy that brought us together, and I’m the guy who writes the songs, and I’m the guy who’s across the table from the record company executives, advocating on our behalf.” He bounced a long, thin, jean-clad leg rapidly up and down. “I felt like I was being used, and that I was the only one who cared. I felt that really clearly. So I drank to…to avoid that clarity.”

Claire carefully watched the others around the circle. What Jamie was sharing could make any one of them a quick buck – all it would take was one phone call to a tabloid. But everyone was listening raptly – clearly thinking about parallels in their own lives – and it began to dawn on her that Jamie had one thing she didn’t have much of for herself: respect.

“And then when I drank, I’d just get really mean,” he continued. “I’d say things to rile up my drummer. I had a fling with my manager’s girlfriend, just to fuck with him. And yeah, I’d destroy hotel rooms.”

“Your reaction was to want to hurt people,” Murtagh said gently. “You had had clarity – clarity that you were shouldering too much, for too many people – and you reacted by wanting to push them away.”

“Yeah.” Claire spoke without thinking. “Um – hi everyone, I’m Claire, and I’m addicted to pills. Halcions, mostly.”

“Oh, those are the best,” a woman to Claire’s left remarked.

“Hey – no positive talk,” Murtagh interjected. “You know better than that, Letitia.”

Letitia huffed.

Murtagh turned back to face Claire. “Tell us more, Claire, if you’re comfortable?”

Now that she’d started, she couldn’t stop. “I was – am – a trauma surgeon for an emergency room. I love it – I love the adrenaline of it, and of course being able to help people on the worst day of their lives. I love being able to heal people. But…but it’s pretty heavy stuff. People die, no matter how hard you try to save them. People wake up and they’re not happy that they don’t have a leg anymore – and I say, would you rather be dead?”

“And you wanted to get away from that?” Jamie asked gently.

She closed her eyes. “I had to have clarity to do my job properly – it’s hard to describe, but it’s like having a laser focus on what’s in front of you. Getting in the zone. Shutting out everything else. And then when it’s all done – I would crash. The whole world would come rushing back, and I’d be covered in someone else’s blood and barely able to sit down before I had to work on the next person. That was so, so hard to deal with.”

“I understand.” Claire opened her eyes – it was an older man speaking right next to Jamie. “Hi everyone – I’m Ned, I’m a lawyer and crack addict, and there are a lot of jokes I’m sure you could make based on that.”

Claire managed a small smile.

“I’m a defense attorney – I’m that guy you see on TV arguing in a courtroom and presenting to a jury. I totally get what Claire said, because I needed to have that kind of really focused clarity, too. It was kind of like acting – I had to remember my argument, and I had to present it to the jury, and I had to pick up on cues from them to see how well I was doing. And then afterward I’d just crash. But I still had to have energy to prep for the next day, and that’s where Miss Crack came in.”

“So what I’m hearing is that clarity is something you already had – and then you turn to substances to get away from it.” Murtagh folded his arms. “Because it’s hard to flip that ‘off’ switch. And then eventually, the substances change from being something to take a vacation from that clarity, to completely blocking out that clarity altogether.”

“Exactly.” It was easier for Claire to focus on Murtagh than the sea of faces surrounding her. “And it’s a deliberate choice. I’m sure, Ned and Rupert and Jamie, that you deliberately sought out something to prevent that clarity. I know I did – I wrote the prescriptions for the pills that I consumed.”

Rupert nodded. “The bottle didn’t pick itself up and pour the liquor down my throat. And you’re right, Claire – at first, at least, it was a conscious decision. Until it became something I had to depend on.”

“I think that there are ways for this to happen more positively.” A woman seated beside Rupert quietly spoke. “Oh – hi, everyone, I’m Marsali, and I’m an alcoholic. What I mean is, there are ways to flip that ‘off’ switch that aren’t so…destructive. You can go for a run. Listen to music. Cook a meal. Watch a movie. Make love to your significant other.”

Murtagh nodded. “Marsali brings up a good point here. I’ll repeat something that I’ve already told many of you before, because it bears repeating. Substance addiction is addiction, first and foremost. All of us are here because our brains are hard-wired for addiction. We can’t change that. But we can change what it is that we’re addicted to.”

“Like what?” Letitia had calmed down a bit, but clearly she was skeptical.

“Whatever works for you,” Murtagh shrugged. “Jiu Jitsu. Flower Arranging. Reading. Playing the drums. Writing. Riding motorcycles. Not all addictions are bad – we just need to find the addictions that help us, and don’t hurt us or the people around us.”

Everyone’s heads nodded in agreement, quietly reflecting.

“So – that’s my homework assignment for all of you.” Murtagh pulled a small spiral notebook from his pocket, flipped to a fresh page, and began scribbling in it. “To think about the thing that you can become positively addicted to. Something you already enjoy, or something you’ve never done before. But I hope that even just thinking about it will give you focus. Improve your clarity.”

“Got it,” Ned said quietly.

Murtagh flipped back to an earlier page in his notebook. “Now – I have here my notes from the last time I facilitated Group. OK if I start going around and asking people for follow-up thoughts to those? Rupert?”

Rupert nodded, and began to speak.

“Facilitators take turns hosting Group every fourth day.” Claire started a bit, but held steady as Jamie leaned in close, spoke quietly into her ear. “We talk about things, and we’re assigned homework, and then the next time the facilitator is back we talk about it.”

“Thanks,” Claire murmured.

Jamie didn’t pull away. “If you ever just want to talk…”

She swallowed. “Thanks. I do. I just – it’s a lot to process.”

“It is. But you’ll get there. Talk more at our dinner prep.”

With that he pulled back, and a low buzz settled somewhere between Claire’s ears as the people around her chimed in to the conversation.

Hazbin Hotel and VivziePop Drama

I've been hearing/seeing a lot of drama concerning Hazbin Hotel and it's creator VivziePop, and while I don't know her personally or really care what people think, I do hate slander and the spread of misinformation. Truly nothing in this world upsets me more than when people believe rumours while making no effort to fact check, and that's exactly what's happening right now. That said, I wanted to try and clear up some of the rumours going around about Vivzie and the show, because I think some of them are absolutely outrageous and need to be addressed.

1. Vivzie hired an abuser onto the show.

Now, I’m not here to burn anyone at the stake, especially since I don’t know anything about Chris Niosi (the alleged abuser), who I believe openly admitted to the allegations? Regardless, this is a moot point. He’s not credited anywhere at the end of the episode. So either he was booted before production wrapped up or he had nothing to do with the show in the first place.

2. Vivzie supports bestiality.

Admittedly I thought this one might be true, since she draws so many anthropomorphic animals. In the very least, I figured she was probably a furry, but I haven't seen any evidence supporting this accusation either. Near as I can tell, this rumour started for two reasons. One, because of her famous Zoophobia comic, which revolves around a therapist named Cameron who gets assigned to work with human-like animals. Ironically, poor Cameron suffers from crippling zoophobia, which makes for some pretty decent comedy. I didn't read the whole comic because, quite frankly, it’s not my cup of tea and I just don’t have the time. But from what I saw there are no examples of bestiality anywhere in its contents.

Two, this message, which blew up all over social media:

To me, this just proves that people are more interested in virtue signalling than checking to see if their claims are actually true. Everything about this message is 100% false, which I’ll touch on in my next point.

3. Vivzie is a pedophile and she’s drawn child porn.

This is hands down the worst allegation and holy shit, I really wish people would stop using it to defame someone when they don't have any proof. This is a life-ruining accusation and you're disgusting if you believe it based solely on hearsay. This rumour began to spread when Vivzie allegedly shipped the two underage characters in the above photo and drew them NSFW-style. At the time, one character was 19 while the other was 14, and the relationship was a very illegal student-teacher relationship.

This is WRONG! The characters were not 14 and 19, they were actually 18 and 19, the legal age of consent! Additionally, the relationship wasn't student-teacher. One character is a student and the other is Alumni (a student teacher). This one pisses me off the most because it’s obvious the person who sent that message didn’t even bother to conduct any research. They said, “He’s a teacher, she’s a child.” Both characters are MALE!

Since then, Vivzie has apologised for any NSFW art she drew in the past and stated that it's not a reflection of her art today, and I'm inclined to believe her. Almost every artist has drawn NSFW content at some point in their career, and hers wasn't even distasteful. Other than this one example, there is no evidence anywhere that suggests she’s drawn “child porn”. In fact, she’s never even drawn explicit NSFW.

Please stop spreading this rumour. It’s dangerous and completely incorrect.

4. Vivzie said the "N" word!

No, she didn’t. It was a fabricated tweet. That is all.

5. Vivzie is copyright striking every video that criticises her!

No she isn't. YouTube’s DMCA is automatically striking people who are using full clips without permission. Vivzie has gone public several times, telling people exactly how to avoid getting a copy strike from the algorithm, which is something she absolutely does not have to do. At this point, she doesn't owe you anything. In my opinion, she should just sit back and watch these channels burn.

6. Vivzie copies and traces other artists’ work.

This is another one I’ve seen going around, but I looked into it as thoroughly as I could and failed to find any concrete evidence to support the allegations. As of right now, there are only two examples of Vivzie “copying” or “tracing” other artists’ work, and both of them can be explained. The first is a gif she made with a character from her Zoophobia comic, which looked a lot like the girl from ME!ME!ME!:

Damn, that’s pretty incriminating. She obviously stole-- oh, wait. This gif was part of a ME!ME!ME! MEP (multi editor’s project) and Vivzie didn’t take full credit, despite the fact that it’s not even a direct trace. It’s supposed to look like the original, which she fully cited. The second example comes from a short dance sequence from her Timber video, which seems to have been inspired by several Disney movies. As Vivzie herself stated, that was an homage to the original animations. Lots of artists and shows do this, including the beloved Stephen Universe series.

Regardless, this doesn’t count as stealing character designs or plagiarising someone’s work. It’s meant to be respectful, an admiration of other projects. Other than these two instances, however, there is no evidence of her tracing or stealing other people’s art. From what I’ve discovered, all other designs she’s been accused of “stealing” are characters she bought and paid for. They’re quite literally HER characters.

7. Vivzie supports problematic creators.

I’m getting really tired of guilt by association. Vivzie follows and enjoys some controversial figures, but who cares? We can argue all day about whether or not the accusations against them are true, but it ultimately has nothing to do with the show or Vivzie as a person. I do the exact same thing, to be honest-- follow and listen to people on all sides so I can learn, understand, and form my own opinions. The fact that some people think this is bad, to me, is absolutely mesmerising. Vivzie doesn’t control what the people she follows post, and if they do something overly questionable she publicly criticises and denounces it.

From Vivzie:

Now that that’s been dealt with, I’d like to address some complaints/claims about the actual show.

8. Vaggie is an angry Latina stereotype and a lesbian stereotype. Vivzie is appropriating Hispanic culture and misrepresenting the gay for profit.

First off, I see a lot of people passing around yet more misinformation regarding Vivzie's race. So many people seem to think she's white? Well, I'm here to tell you they're wrong. Very incorrect. Vivzie is in fact Latina, and Vaggie is meant to mirror some of her own personality traits.

Second, who is Vaggie mad at? Context matters, and if we take a look at the episode, we see that Vaggie is literally only mad at two specific people: Angel Dust and Alastor. Why? Well, for starters, it's her girlfriend's dream to run a rehab hotel for sinners, and Angel Dust nearly demolishes that dream single-handedly. Vaggie has every right to be over-the-top vitriolic. Then there's Alastor, a known sadist, narcissist, and murderer who loves trapping people in his nefarious schemes. He invites himself in, effectively takes over the hotel, and pushes both her and Charlie aside. At one point he even sexually assaults her by slapping her butt during his musical number. So yeah, I think her seething ire is totally justified. Keep in mind, however, that when she's around Charlie she's calm, collected, and happy. I wouldn't call that a stereotype.

Thirdly, the lesbian stereotypes. I keep hearing this argument but I really don't see it. Both Vaggie and Charlie have so much personality and trust for each other. Maybe I'm wrong, but the stereotype I know always totes a more butch, tomboyish woman with a ditsy, innocent, naive woman. Charlie is optimistic, but she isn't stupid. She refuses to shake Alastor’s hand because she knows he’s likely trying to screw her over. She’s also not entirely innocent herself and uses words like “fuck” and “shit”. I also wouldn’t call Vaggie butch or tomboyish. She has a cute, girly presentation, complete with a pink ribbon in her hair, lace stockings, and a dress. She's protective of her girlfriend, as I think we all are with our partners, and there's nothing wrong with that. They're flawed characters, as every character is meant to be. This isn't a problem.

9. The show is racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, blah, blah, blah.

I’m amazed this is even an argument. The show is supposed to be a dark comedy that takes place in HELL. You know, the place the worst of the worst end up after they die? What were you expecting? Everyone gets a shot or two fired at them, but that doesn't make them bad characters nor does it make the show itself horrible. Take, for example, Katie Killjoy, the news reporter so many people are up in arms about. She says she doesn’t “touch the gays” because she has “standards”. Well, here’s a newsflash of my own: we’re not supposed to like her! She’s an antagonist. Not to mention ten seconds later Charlie insults her and isn’t the least bit slighted by her pretentious attitude. The characters are strong and don’t take shit from anyone, because to some degree they’re all terrible people who can throw down when it’s called for.

Obviously if you don’t like the show or think it’s offensive, I’m probably not going to change your mind. That’s perfectly fine. You’re entitled to your opinions and you don’t have to watch the show. Just stop lying and stop trying to take it away from everybody else. Stop attacking Vivzie and spreading misinformation without checking the facts. I realise a lot of people probably aren’t trying to be vindictive and only want to do something good, but just remember this: the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

His Time In The Commonwealth III: Deacon's Story

so as my beloved fanfiction, The Black Widow’s Waltz, comes to an end, i’ve decided that i am going to re-release the backstory chapters as their own stand-alone fic, since they read well as their own story. before that, i thought i might do a fun little thing where i release each of the companions backstories as their own post here on tumblr under the tag #his time in the commonwealth.

it is now time for part three of this little mini series i have. now that we’ve seen what happened to nick, let’s see how good ol’ deacon ended up where he is...

Deacon stood in the center of the burning remains of the Mercer Safehouse, staring at the man who set the place on fire not two hours earlier. The arsonist's back was turned, cropped black hair shining in the red-and-yellow flashes of the house fire. A woman crawled out from the debris - a synth who’d arrived just weeks before. She was shouldering a sobbing agent with cracked, bloody glasses and leg twisted backward. The man raised his rifle and gunned the two women down with an honest-to-god smile on his face.

Nate, you are one fucked up guy, Deacon thought as he stepped over the burning remains of an agent trapped under a beam.

“Deacon? Is that you?” Nate turned, eyes shining against the flames illuminating the light. “I thought I’d run into you sooner or later.”

“Yeah,” Deacon snarked, unstrapping his shotgun from his back, “I’ve been a little hard to pin down lately - Dez was always the one who assigned my ops in my downtime, but she’s been pretty distracted lately. You know, being dead ‘n all.”

“Morbid.” Nate chuckled. “I always did like your sense of humor.”

“I’ve been told I’m one hell of a comedian.”

Deacon pressed the barrel of his shotgun against Nate’s chest. The man stared at him, seeming far more interested than worried about the twelve gage of death aimed at his sternum. Nate was tough shit - but even he couldn’t survive getting all his organs blasted out by a point-blank shotgun round. At least, that was the hope Deacon clung to. “So, you wanna die here? Or is there somewhere else you want me to shoot you?”

“A surprisingly generous offer,” Nate said, lowering the gun with a finger, “but I’m afraid I have to decline. I have more important things to do than help you get some petty revenge.”

“Sorry, not happening,” Deacon cocked the gun, raising the barrel until it rested just beneath Nate’s chin. “Actually, you know what, nah - I’m not sorry at all.”

“I assumed not,” Nate said, raising his hands. “Fine, Deacon.” He said with a sigh. “If this is really how you want things to go, then shoot me - but wouldn’t you rather know why I’m doing what I’m doing?”

“Nope,” Deacon said as he blasted the fucker’s head off his body.

Except, that wasn’t entirely what happened. Nate stumbled back, almost fell over entirely, but despite the scattershot tearing through his throat just seconds before, his head was still stubbornly attached to his body. Nate laughed, slowly rolling his head forward until it was back on top of his shoulders, smiling widely. Deacon’s own vindictive smile dropped as he lowered the gun. “Shit… you really are immortal.” He said.

“That’s right,” Nate said in a sing-song voice. “Immortal and invulnerable. I’m basically the closest thing this world has to a god,”  He laughed as he took a step forward, and Deacon took one back. “Now, since your idea was a miserable failure, let’s try mine.” He said, stretching his legs on the tips of his toes and clasping his hands behind his back. “Don’t you want to hear the reason behind my supposed betrayal?”

Deacon answered Nate’s question by bashing the butt of his gun against the psychotic killer’s face. Nate, momentarily stunned, staggered to the side and Deacon was able to retreat back towards the woods that surrounded the safehouse. At the very least he could act as bait to lure Nate away from any possible survivors. It was the least he could do for them, since he was the one who brought their murderer into the fold.

All of this was Deacon’s fault; he’d accepted the risk when he brought Nate on board. Desdemona had told him it was a bad plan - hell, P.A.M had reservations about it. Deacon should have listened to the future-telling robot instead of trusting his own chronically poor judgment. It had just seemed too good to be true - a supposedly immortal killing machine who resented authority and had a major bone to pick with the Institute? It was like the Atom itself had popped down into the Commonwealth and built them a savior out of clay and nuclear ash. Deacon couldn’t have let an opportunity like that go - and really, he’d asked himself, what was the worst that could happen?

Apparently, the worst that could happen was that the Brotherhood of Steel made their little savior an offer he couldn’t refuse. Now Tom, Desdemona, Glory, P.A.M… hell even Cartington ! They were all gone. Deacon hadn’t been at the base at the time of the attack - Nate had seen to that. Told him to head over to Sanctuary for a surprise. Well, surprise! Everyone Deacon loved was dead. He didn’t know - nor did he care - why he was spared; the only thing that mattered now was putting a stop to Nate before even more lives were lost, both synth and human alike.

Deacon dodged and weaved through the trees. He could hear Nate following him not far behind. It wasn’t long before Deacon’s lungs were straining and each breath was like a stab in the chest - god dammit he was a spy , not a runner. His body was not designed for prolonged exercise. Deacon’s heart was beating in his throat by the time he was forced to slow down. He’d put some distance between him and Nate, but it wouldn’t last. Nate never exhausted, Deacon had seen evidence of that. His stamina was endless - must come standard as part of the whole ‘god among men’ package.

Deacon reached into his pocket and pressed down on a button. It was the last stealth boy he had, and it wasn’t entirely full. It gave him only a few seconds to breathe while he tried to figure out his next move. To his right there were woods, to his left… more woods, and in front of him was, as one might guess, a large expanse of woods. Deacon wasn’t nearly as familiar as he needed to be with this part of the Commonwealth, his basic mental map was insufficient for a midnight life-or-death sprint.

He had less than ten seconds left on the stealth boy. Deacon could hear Nate closing in, so he did the only thing he could think of and backed himself up against the bark of an irradiated tree. He pressed his lips together firmly as Nate wove through the clearing, head swinging back and forth like an attack dog. It was as if he was tracking Deacon down by the scent of his fear. Again, considering Nate's otherworldly nature, not entirely out of the realm of possibility.

“I know you’re here,” Nate said, a manic laugh following the words. He drew a silenced 10mm pistol from his jacket pocket, showing it off to the seemingly-empty clearing. “Recognize this, D?” He said. Deacon did - it was Tommy’s gun, Deliverer . The very same handgun that Deacon had gifted Nate on his official entry to the Railroad. “Seems poetic, don’t it? Whispers died hiding in the shadows, and now I’m gonna kill you while you’re curled up with a Stealth Boy in your pocket.”

Deacon lunged for Nate just as the effects of the stealth device wore off. He caught the man off guard, at least, wrapping both arms around him in a bearhug of death and tackling him to the ground. Deacon had no idea how he was going to kill his target if even a point-blank shot to the neck wasn’t enough to do it, but at the very least he was going to make Nate suffer .

Deacon grabbed Nate’s arm and yanked, using his foot to pin down the man’s back and dislocate the appendage with a swift movement. Nate choked on a cry - it was the first time Deacon had even seen the man externally express pain. Maybe it was the first time he’d ever been hurt - good. Deacon slammed the heel of his boot into the back of Nate’s head, aiming for the spine. Nate’s good hand darted up, snatching Deacon by the ankle and pulling him to the ground.

Suddenly, their positions were reversed, and Nate was on top of Deacon, pilling him down with the gun pressed to Deacon’s cheek. The dislocated arm was already back into place, its hand closed around Deacon’s neck and choking him. Deacon clawed at the fingers, trying to pry them off. Nate was unbelievably strong - even with how thin and nimble his fingers appeared they were perfectly capable of crushing Deacon’s windpipe.

“Tsk, how disappointing,” Nate muttered, probably to himself. Deacon snarled as the 10mm dug into his flesh. “I really did hope I would have a chance with you. You have such a pretty face.” Deacon felt the silenced barrel trail down his cheek and press against his left breast, “be a shame to ruin it.”

Six silenced shots rang out. Deacon seized as he felt the bullets slide through him, tearing his heart to ribbons. The delicate organ came to a spasming, sudden stop in his chest, and before Deacon realized what had happened he was dead.

Once the spy had stopped moving, Nate put the gun back into his pocket. Deacon's fists relaxed and fell away from the hand still clutching his throat. Nate's fingers lingered on the bruises he’d put on Deacon’s neck, savoring the feel of indents on the other’s flesh. Nate reached up and gently removed the sunglasses from the dead man’s face, folding them up and putting them in his pocket. “I never did understand how you could see out of these things when it was dark.”

Deacon’s eyes stared back at him, expression still caught between rage, terror, and agony. Nate frowned, reaching over to shut Deacon’s eyes for him. “Pity. You really were cute.” Nate leaned over and pressed a kiss to Deacon’s still warm cheek, then stood to leave.

Seconds after his heartbeat could no longer be detected, the auto-stimpack anklet Deacon was wearing deployed. There was no blood flow to carry the medicine through his system, but through the power of osmosis, defusion, and several other pre-war science words Deacon didn’t understand, the contents of a dozen stimpacks made it to the shredded remains of his heart. Veins reconstructed themselves, weaving together tissue and cells to produce a mass of blood vessels that would just barely manage to function as a pump. Five minutes after the drugs did their best to fix a literal broken heart, the taser went off, sending waves of electricity through the corpse of one Johnathan Deacon and starting up his pitiful excuse for a new heart.

The first breath Deacon took after dying was both the single best, and most painful breath of his entire life. The bright lights and sense of calm that death had brought him were replaced with an agony that the words ‘living hell’ didn’t even begin to touch. He couldn’t even scream, the pain in his chest consuming him so completely that all that was left were small, gasping whimpers as he curled onto his side and clawed at himself.

Every muscle burned as his body worked to repair the damage of going several minutes without breathing along with all the other things that were wrong with him. Nearly half a gallon of blood was misplaced in him, and there were still at least three of the six bullets still somewhere inside him pressed up against his recently revived nerves. Deacon’s vision went black and every muscle in his body was tensed. Part of him wondered how long this would last before he died again because there was no way he could be in this much pain without something being vitally wrong with him. The other, much larger part, trusted his friends’ genius and reminded him to wait the pain out.

“So, you guys want me to wear this thing?” Deacon said, holding up the ankle brace that had been given to him by Tom and Carrington. “Like, on my person?”

“Is something wrong with the design?” Tinker Tom asked, genuinely concerned.

“It’s kind of a fashion disaster,” Deacon said, fidgeting with the thick, untreated leather that made up the strap.

“It is a highly advanced revival device, not a fashion statement.” Dr. Carrington said with a roll of his eyes. “Since when have you cared about your appearance anyways?”

“Hey, my appearance is my life,” Deacon countered. “You should know - you’ve done, like, at least three of my face jobs.”

“Four,” Carrington corrected.

“It’s meant to be worn under your clothes anyways,” Tinker Tom said. “The design was my idea - Carrington’s work here is nothing short of genius, but if we wanted any practical use for this thing with our field agents we needed something easily concealed.”

“Easily concealed, right,” Deacon said as he snapped the brace around his leg. “Unless I want to wear shorts. Man, there goes my summer plans.”

“Would you at least try to take this seriously?” Carrington snapped. “This is just a prototype, but if we can verify that it works it could save the lives of countless agents. Unfortunately, the only way to test it is for one of our agents to become mortally wounded while wearing it.”

“And so you’re giving it to me? Gosh, guys, I’m honored, really.” Deacon placed a hand to his heart. “Voted most likely to die on a mission by his peers.”

“You are the one Dez assigns to the most dangerous operations,” Tinker Tom said with a shrug. “Don’t take it too personally. If anything, it means we want you around the most.”

Deacon couldn’t admit it, but that did make him feel a little warm in the chest area, but he and ‘genuine emotions’ hadn’t seen eye-to-eye in years, so Deacon gave his co-conspirators a wink and a smile and said, “Alright, but don’t expect me to run head-first into danger just to give you guys some data. If this thing actually works like you say it will, I’ll buy the first round of the night when I get back to the land of the living.”

“Hmfph,” Carrington huffed, predictably. Then, less predictably, he smiled and said. “I’ll hold you to that, you know.”

Deacon laughed as he came down from the high of agony that was recovering from a mortal chest wound, the sound pitiful and weak. The worst of the pain wasn't done yet, he could tell, this was just a short reprieve while his body geared up to continue its tantrum. “Carrington, you crazy bastard,” He muttered against the blood-soaked grass. “When I get to hell, remind me to buy you that drink.”

Deacon laughed and sobbed and spasmed until the sun was high in the sky.

Honestly the amount of people who say artists and writers should do stuff for free, or try to rip them off on comissions still royally piss me off.

I think the worst part of it is the entitlement, I dont want to make this too much about generations but a lot of commissioners are millenial/Gen z's who grew up on the "steal and pirate everything" mentality, take everything that you can because no one else is going to hand it to you. which I can get behind, when you are screwing over MULTI BILLION DOLLAR COMPANIES. NOT THE STRUGGLING ARTISTS AND WRITERS who are trying to keep food on the table as desperately as you probably are!

It's simple, you wouldn't walk into a restaurant, order food and tell the server "sorry I don't have any money, but I've got like a few thousand followers on social media, I can get your name out there, get the restaurant some exposure" NO! They don't need "exposure" they need you to pay the damn bill!

On top of that, most of these artists and writers ALREADY HAVE FOLLOWINGS. They already have thousands of people following them, waiting for the chance to get a commission, who are willing to pay for said commission, they don't need "exposure" when they're already out there! He'll even the artists and writers with a few hundred don't need it, they'll get more followers as time goes by, their skill alone will see to it.

And what is with people trying to get free art and writing? It's not going to work! You can't harass someone until they cave, trust me, you'll be long since blocked before you even have the opportunity. I don't do comissions, online anyways, but my own friends and family, people who actually know me STILL PAY ME whenever they ask for me to do art for them because they KNOW it takes TIME AND EFFORT.

How many times do we need to have this discussion???? Like when is it going to finally click that people who need to pay their bills just as much as you do AREN'T going to do this shit for free!?

Here's the thing about art and writing, that you've heard a billion times but still aren't getting; IT. TAKES. TIME. AND. EFFORT. TO. GET. DONE. the art isn't going to magically appear and the writing isn't going to suddenly write itself, if either were so convenient YOU WOULDNT BE ASKING AN ARTIST OR WRITER IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Look at that, you see that? The first picture I did back in 2012-13, the picture beside it? I did that TWO YEARS AGO. I didn't suddenly know exactly what to do, or had anything close to a god given talent for drawing (I'm not that talented). The first picture WAS THE ABSOLUTE BEST I COULD DO AT THE TIME THAT I MADE IT. In the time between these two drawings I admittedly took a break from art, but then I got back into it four years ago. EVEN STILL that was four YEARS of starting over from the basics, relearning everything, learning new things, wanting to actually improve my art.

Which, guess what, DID NOT HAPPEN OVER NIGHT. It was HOURS UPON HOURS of my limited free time as an adult drawing over and over and over and over again, every single goddamn day to get to the point that I was able to make that redraw look as good as it does in comparison. He'll, my art now puts them both to shame! Because I spent the time improving my quality!!

Now look at these artists doing comissions, they've probably put EVEN MORE of their time to get that good! They've put in LITERAL YEARS of sweat, blood, tears, frustrations and dedicated hardwork. Some did the same as me, self teaching and lots of practice, others probably had to go to school, which definitely wasn't cheap. But all of us put in that time and effort TO REACH THESE POINTS. Of being better artists, developing our styles, getting faster at drawing.

And maybe you think that this is super easy, right? That I or every other artist can just fire some art off and boom its good and done in like an hour?

FUCK. NO.

Even now it takes me several hours a day OVER MANY DAYS to make something exceptionally good! It doesn't matter how good an artist is, it still. Takes. Time.

Maybe the issue is that you don't understand how much actually goes into art, let me break it down for you, the steps that most people follow to finish ONE drawing.

-Rough draft: general character outline, get a feel for what I want to draw.

-Rough sketch: I start doing a bit of pencil to start filling in details like mouth, nose, eyes, hair, clothes. Ect.

-Penciling: I go over the rough sketch and clean everything up, maybe do some editing, this is when you can start making out all the details.

-Ink: I trace over the finished pencil with a pen tool and actually have the line art, everything looks clean, presentable, it actually looks like a character now. I'll spend time editing this and possibly redoing the inking many times over to get to a point where I like it.

-Flat color: I decide on which colors to use for skin tone, clothes accessories. Ect.

-Shading/highlights: I figure out where my light source is and how strong it is, I then apply the correct amount of lighting and shadows to the color to give it depth, I also have determine the texture of skin, clothes and accessories to make everything look real and natural.

-Blending: I smooth out the shading and highlights so that it looks more natural and isn't too hard (noticeable difference between color) so that it looks as natural as possible.

-Finish: I go over last minute details, finish any editing or corrections that need to be done. Once it's good I call it a day.

Each process is longer in length then the previous, with the exception of the final editing (as long as everything looks good) and even the rough draft can take some time. Over all this is SEVERAL HOURS of work for a SINGLE DRAWING.

So is it sinking in yet? How much is put into doing even a single character drawing? God forbid if its done with background. This isn't a "scratch a pen around and be done with it in ten minutes" kinda deal, no, this is SEVERAL HOURS OF SOMEONES LIFE BEING PUT INTO THIS

And if you still have the AUDACITY to try and wrangle free art from an artist then there's no helping you, you're just a selfish piece of shit, no question and I want nothing to do with you.

Someone might say "But I got free art/writing from.-" look I don't give a shit if someone did something for you THAT ONE TIME, these other artists and writers? Totally seperate and different people. You're one freebie experience does not, and should not apply to other artists and writers.

"But what if I really want this commission but don't have the money right now?" Well, that's tough shit. Save up and properly commission them when you can, it's not their problem.

"But what if I'm in a really bad financial situation and really want it?" That sucks, and I'm sorry, but again, not their problem. Chances are this is their only source of income and they need to make money so that they don't end up in a similar situation.

"They have a gift! They should share it!" What kind of cheap ass- LOOK, just because someone is talented or really good at something does not automatically obligate them to do anything for total strangers in anyway shape or form. These are living, breathing people, the same as you. They need to eat, they need to pay rent/mortgages, they need to pay vet bills, send their kids to college, do their taxes and everything else that YOU YOURSELF need to do. Asking anyone to spend their time doing something for free, when that something is how THEY ARE SURVIVING is beyond asinine. Not only that, this obviously isn't a hobby to them, it is very clearly THEIR JOB. Would you want to do a job where you didn't get paid at all? Doing a shit ton of work for absolutely nothing? No? Didn't think so.

"It shouldn't be about the money!" Well unfortunately, as with almost every other job, it is. We live in a world where we desperately need to make money in order to survive. That's the painful fact of the matter. If money never had to be an issue ever again then this would be a very different story. But it's not, plain and simple as can be.

Look, these people are just like you, artists and writers who are just trying to get by in a shitty ass world, using the one thing they have that let's them have an income. Leave them be, don't try and trick them, guilt them, or cuss them out when you don't get your way. Either properly comission or leave them the hell alone, plain and simple.

Yugioh Season 4 Quotes Prompt Meme

I am stressed, tired, sick of my job and needing a brain break. Yugioh Abridged is my go to for that at the moment. So. Have a sentence meme thing. Feel free to reblog, change pronouns, etc. Go have fun kids. Be wild. Be gay. Do crime. Love you

“The whole saving the world thing really eats into your study time.” “But my teacher gave me, like, a bunch of gold stars! And an A+ in trying.” “I already know everything I need to know about mathematics from playing card games.” “I was also thinking about doing some of the drugs later.” “(name)’s hand is on fire!” “That sounds like a commotion! .......Yes. Definitely a commotion.” “Well, I’m sure the city can defend itself.” “Those neutral motherfuckers. I never cared for them.” “How the hell did you people get in my house!?” “I’m not sure I like the rich douchebag channel.” “We figured you had more of an emotional connection to these.” “Damnit, (name), we agreed I would do the monologuing.” “My spirit guide has once again served its purpose.” “It’ll be called the bitch ass retirement plan. Named after you, ya bitch ass!” “That’s some OP bullshit right there.” “Broseph...Brosephine...Bro DiMaggio.” “I’ve got shoulder pads!” “Now what are you gonna do, Bromeo and Juliet?” “It’s not often I get to hear the worst insult ever coined by a human being.” “Yeah, they once sucked out Channing Tatum’s soul as a joke.” “I have nothing else in my life, please!” “So you’re someone I haven’t seen in a really, really long time? .........Are you my parents??!!” “Stop abusing the concept of friendship!!” “You must have spent YEARS researching this! Even though you can find this exact information on the back of any Yu-Gi-Oh! DVD!” “King of doors, bitch!” “That’s two points for Middle Earth, zero points for (name).” “I was not prepared to watch this today.” “Okay, so, you’re a lost cause.” “If even one of you makes a Sharknado reference, I will end you so hard.” “Try this on for size, you Sauron-looking motherfucker!” “I thought we had an agreement! You agreed to not be a little bitch, but now you’re being a little bitch!” “Maybe they’ll take someone’s soul that we don’t care about this time.” “Goddamnit, you never help me, ever!!” “Alright, douchebags! I’m sick and tired of us not being on top!” “These meetings get fucking weird.” “How much more specific can I get? SOMEWHERE in CALIFORNIA.” “I wonder if there are card games on the moon.” “I knew it. This is just some cheap trick to get me to come see you, so you can hit on me with a bunch of cheap innuendos, isn’t it?” “And, to think, people call you a diluted egomaniac.” “That’s not possible! I’M the adorable one!” “For some reason, cruising for chicks has caused me to become severely injured.” “I would be so turned on if that wasn’t such a huge waste of trading cards.” “I’d like to spread some vegemite on those things.” “You left me on a blimp with a known psychopath, while I was in a coma, so you could go off and play video games.” “So, in other words, since we’ve never seen your balls drop, we can assume it hasn’t happened?” “My douche-senses are telling me that (name) is mocking me somewhere.” “Should I remind you to tell them to go fuck themselves when we get there?” “He will eat you with his crocodile face.” “Okay, did you have to include the part of the story where they insulted me?” “Hey, a sword! I can stab people with this!” “Seriously? That was your one Koala joke?” “Try believing in the heart of the cards.” “Quiet, you sorcerer.” “If you’re seeing this, (name), it either means I’m dead, leaving behind a very fabulous looking corpse, or my soul has been captured.” “Maybe it had something very kinky on it and 4Kids had to censor it.” “I’ll leave that up to the fanfic authors.” “I’ll write a highly unfavorable research paper about you! With inconclusive findings!” “I feel like I should be concerned, but I just can’t stop thinking about how Copernicus is such a stupid name for a horse.” “You know that thing takes people’s souls and I found it on a dead guy, right?” “That was acting, children! Bravo for me!” “According to my research, I’m in a crapload of pain.” “Learned that trick from playing Super Mario World.” “I’ll just be over here wibbling to myself. Please, pay me no mind.” “Okay, everyone. I’m going to go scream into a pillow for the next five minutes.” “Are you telling me that we can't build an elevator into space?! Because that sounds like something a guy who doesn't want to keep his job would say!” “And let me tell you one last thing. All those times I got angry and declared that I would have my vengeance on you: I WAS FAKING!” “I'm glad we spent all our money on this bag of potato chips and generic brand soda.” “By the way, I memorized several dozen dinosaur puns, just so I could use them in this.” “The only reunion that’s about to happen is my size ten up your buttocks!” “Dorō! Monsutā Kādo!” “You're right, (name). I lost control. At the end of the day, this is just a game.” “We’re going to disturb the spirits of the dead! Yay!” “What the fuck even is this season!?” “Won’t somebody fetch me some ice cream!?” “I’m old and I hold a stick. That automatically makes me the wisest person in the valley.” “It’s a good thing I played all that Assassin’s Creed!” “It’s a good thing I played all that Banjo Kazooie!” “Oh, thank God, because I really wasn’t listening to any of that. Any of it.” “Now, I have to go back down there and challenge that vulture to a card game.” “Okay, (name), I’m going to level with you; I may have lied about the pizza.” “It makes me look really bonkers cool while I kick the shit out of you.” “Actually, he says his name is Cornelius Jr. and he wants to play basketball, just like how his father wanted him to.” “You can talk to snakes!?” “Hey, are you sure it’s safe for us to fly straight into that strange weather phenomenon?” “I guess we’d better confront whatever villain of the week that is.” “Well, these buttons look important.” “We mostly get by using our street smarts and ingenuity.” “No, I'm mad because I never wanted to know what one of Hideo Kojima's wet dreams looked like, and now I do, so thanks for that.” “I swear on my life we didn't keep a single flying war machine of death.” “Well, it would be way more intimidating if its face wasn't so damn adorable.” “Yeah, they’re dead. Dibs on their crappy broken stuff!” “Did you guys notice that this episode had the exact same ending as Bee Movie?” “I'm also glad we're not going to Florida as it means that we are not going to Florida.” “OK, but wait! I'm almost to the part where we met two ghosts in the California desert who just happened to be related to the guy we're fighting. Oh God, you're right; it's all just bullshit, isn't it?” “Breaking stuff will fix it!” “I'm bi a lot of things, but lingual is not one of them.” “Welcome back, asshole.” “Hey (name), wanna reenact a scene from Back to the Future Part II?” “I'd rather throw myself off the roof.” “Damn you, Microsoft Flight Simulator!” “Yes, but you had to steal my catchphrase to do it! Is nothing sacred to you?” “That is the single most offensive thing anyone has ever said to me.” “OK, children, from now on, everybody uses the Buddy System. When I say "Go," I want you all to choose a buddy and form an everlasting and inseparable bond between them 'till death do you part. OK, go!” “(Name), remember, whatever happens, you mustn't become an evil little sh*thead.” “Suckers! Consider yourselves ditched.“ “Well if any other anime in existence has taught me anything, most of the drama tends to happen on...the roof.“ “Just my luck. Dork Fest continues.“ “No! It's got a scythe. The deadliest farming implement known to man.“ “This heavy-hearted metaphor was brought to you by Da, a subsidiary of Doy, Inc.” “OK, this is also total BS. When I came back from the dead, I didn't get a chorus of heavenly music and a light show.“ “It's a good thing I'm so buff or that fall would've killed me.“ “(Name), promise me you're not going to embarrass me in front of the U.S. Military.” “ Guys, I think we took a wrong turn, because I'm pretty sure this is the Chamber of Secrets.” “Those aren't Funko Pops! They're much more disturbing!” “Yeah, makes your measly five thousand years look like a five thousand years of being a bitch, bitch.“ “Okay, but why are we in space?” “I have no idea who that is. You are talkin' fucking crazy right now, man. Are you okay? Do you need water? How long were you in the desert for?“ “For the record, I was dressing up in suits of armor before it was cool.“ “(Name), this is like, the third time you've tried to murder one of my friends, stop it!” “Nah. As a teenager with unlimited access to the Internet, I get to do that every day.” “As I was saying, (name) is a damn handsome and valuable person. Thank goodness for them.” “They died as they lived... pissing me off.” “Okay, who let the posh shithead in here?” “I'm so happy you escaped the cold embrace of death so that I could experience your deathly cold embrace again!“ “Wow. My eBay sensors are tingling.“ “You know, we really have no idea where this portal will take us, but I have total confidence in this decision.“ “None of this matters to you! You're already dead! Blah, blah, blah, omae wa mou shindeiru.” “Glad we came all the way up here so that we could not know what was going on.“ “Does this mean I can take back all the nice things I said?“ “I'm not doing any of those things. I'm just enjoying being with you.”

>> some of my absolute favorites ! like and reblog if you save and enjoy ! happy reading and give some kudos to these amazing writers ! always feel free to send me some of your favorites ! ! <<

>> There is a bit so for your convenience they are in alphabetical order ! The ‘s’s are some of my all-time favorites ! ! <<

>> min yoongi x park jimin <<

All the seasons of your love - 5k+ [college au]

The movement in the library was still slow in the first week, so Yoongi could easily remember the few people who came by. That's why he pays so much attention to a certain dark-haired freshman who walks in on a Wednesday afternoon - or at least that's what he tells himself. He goes over to the front counter and asks Yoongi for directions to the Economy 101 session and, God, his voice is as sweet as his eye-smile.

Or how librarian Yoongi fell head over heels for cute freshman Park Jimin who, unfortunately, was very much straight - or so Yoongi thought.

Bon Voyage - 47.9+ [tourist! au]

Yoongi was meant to be taking the trip of a lifetime with his boyfriend. But now he's in Paris, alone and miserable. That is until he collides - quite literally - with one Park Jimin.

Boys who talk shit - 26k+ [college au]

When Yoongi enrolled in BTS (aka Boys who Talk Shit) Boarding School, he wasn't really expecting to be the only 'straight' (to be read sarcastically) guy in a room of seven geniuses (aka children aged five to ten, honestly). Plus four pet spiders. Yes, plural.

Chaotic episodes in A Place of Love and War, where Yoongi learns all about True Love via Park Jimin, Music and Marriage. Sort of. Brain bleach and earplugs are strongly recommended.

Conflicting arrangement - 162k+ [fake boyfriend au]

"Absolutely not," Yoongi deadpanned. "Namjoon-ah. I value you as a friend, and I think I'd even go as far as to say that you're my best friend, but absolutely fucking not."

"You owe me," Namjoon pleaded. "Come on, Yoongi, it's not a big deal."

"Your boyfriend's best friend's best friend needs a fake boyfriend to come out to his family this Chuseok, all the way in fucking Busan," Yoongi repeated drily without pause, making Namjoon wince. He flipped a page of his textbook, picking up his highlighter. "Not a big deal, Namjoon. Amazing."

Cotton Candy - 240k [high school rock band]

"He could get used to sitting next to Yoongi like this. To have him around. To have the band around. To smile and feel happy. To see Yoongi sitting in front of an instrument and having him play just for him.

'If this was my happy ending,' Jimin thinks, resisting the urge to lean his head on Yoongi's shoulder, 'if I wasn't who I am, I'd just let you have me whenever you want. You could have me anytime.'"

As spring turns into summer, school band Cotton Candy unexpectedly loses its singer and the members are forced to look for a new vocalist. Six boys find one in the form of the promiscuous pink-haired boy Park Jimin who makes a home in their hearts and finally finds a place he belongs

Daegu drift - 53k+ [motorcyclist / playboy au]

Jimin stops in Daegu for a big motor show and gets caught up with the locals. Specifically one Min Yoongi.

Sneak Peek:

Yoongi has his arms folded as he stares Jimin down.

“Are you going to join the rally, or not?”

Jimin takes his time answering because he likes the way Yoongi is looking at him. “Sure. I guess it could be fun. But you do realize none of you have a chance against a Bugatti, right?”

“It’s not the car that wins the race,” the other man says. “It’s the driver. You could have the fastest, best-equipped car in the goddamn universe, but if you’re a shit driver, it doesn’t make a difference.”

Goodbye from lonely - 65k+ [uncle yoongi!]

Park Jimin works two jobs that he loves and is going to college to get his teaching degree.

Min Yoongi is a personal assistant who hates his job and spits in his boss' coffee every day.

Kim Taehyung has been infatuated with his clueless co-worker for the better part of a year.

Jeon Jeongguk has a three-year-old daughter that he'd do anything for.

Somehow the tiny human brings them all together.

Or

Tae is in love with Kookie -> Kookie's daughter takes Jimin's ballet class -> Yoongi is Kookie's stepbrother -> Jimin and Yoongi meet because of Kookie's daughter.

In your eyes (it’s where I wanna be) - 5.5k [coffee shop! au]

Jimin pauses with his marker inches away from the cup, because — is he really going to do this? Isn’t it a bit old-fashioned to write something flirty on a coffee cup? But no matter what his churning gut says about the danger and what the hell are you doing do you want to die, this guy is — with no better way to put it — totally Jimin’s Type with a capital T.

(Or: Jimin accidentally starts a nickname war with the cute blonde who likes his coffee way too bitter.)

Inked flowers - 6.4k [tattoo artist / florist au]

Something stopped him. A sound of a piano. He looked around and saw a light coming from the window on the other side of the street. On the third floor was an open window. A light and the sorrowful sound of a piano flew out of the room. Jimin looked closer and saw a figure or at least a top of someone's head.

The melody was so sad and sorrowful that Jimin wanted to cry. He started thinking, what could possibly go inside that person’s head? What were they thinking? Jimin just hoped that they weren’t sad and alone.

(let me see you) get high then low - 4k+ [photographer/model au]

"The light-haired model is the kind that fascinates Yoongi, and at the same time, he prefers to steer away from. He's all smiles and flowers, drawing you in with his cuteness until he's not anymore. Suddenly, he’s something else entirely; he's that false calm, the ocean that looks smooth on the surface but will drag you down to its depths if you dare to touch it."

or

Min Yoongi works in a photography studio with some (very questionable) friends that can't get any work properly done without making a bit of a fuss.

Park Jimin is a model handcuffed against his will and bored. Also a little bit horny, maybe.

Math Tutor - 11.7k [bad boy! yoongi]

Min Yoongi is the school's resident Bad Boy™. He's covered in tattoos, is pierced, curses like a sailor, smokes like crazy, doesn't give a shit about anything, possesses a hot temper that has people steering clear of him, and is desperately in love with Park Jimin, the adorable math nerd. When Jimin is tasked with tutoring Yoongi in math, who is in danger of failing the class and being held back a year, both boys are hesitant. Yoongi because he can't think straight around the boy with startling red hair, and Jimin because Yoongi is scary as hell and looks like he can easily kill someone. Gradually, though, the two grow closer, and Jimin finds that Yoongi is nothing like how he'd imagined.

Maybe I hate you can be our always - 35.9k [enemies to lovers]

When Yoongi thinks about it, really gives it genuine thought, it's possible that Park Jimin isn't the worst person in the world.

//

(Or, Yoongi and Jimin get off on the wrong foot.)

Ode to yoonmin - 4k+ [texting]

yoongi and jimin are in very much in love but they're the only ones who don't know it

OR

chat fic with a bunch of bad jokes and memes ¯\_(ツ)_/

Out of my system - 101.6k+ [one night stand]

Yoongi likes one night stands and he understands how they work. What he doesn’t understand, however, is how he ended up in bed with a probably-not-legal kid crying in his arms about his broken heart, because he’s pretty sure (and correct him if he’s wrong) that a babysitting job was not what he was looking for when he went to the opening of his friend’s new club

Standing on the brink of 376 - 42.9k+ [street racing]

When Taehyung woke him up at three AM to go to a street race—an illegal one, no less—claiming it would help his social anxiety, Jimin never actually expected it to do much for him, except maybe make him cry hysterically. He found that he really wasn't too far off-kilter with that assumption, but it was only after he'd suffered through countless bouts of insecurity that he realized, hidden behind each stuttered breath, every inevitable tear, every spark of unavoidable fear, and even the customary cloud of cigarette smoke itself, lay a tremendous amount of affection for a certain platinum haired street racer that he can't even begin to justify. But when his opinion of fact, fate, and even life itself continues to blur with each push of the gas pedal, he thinks he just might be able to forgive himself for falling in love with a criminal, when the nonsensical moonshine of the present mutes the anxiety that had been a constant within his heart up until this November.

Strawberry lube - 82.7k+ [college au]

Yoongi remembers little to nothing of their crazy drunken night out. But of two things he's absolutely sure, one: he's not gay, two: he just slept with Park Jimin

The Paradiso Lounge - 192k+ [photographer/stripper au]

“Do I have to pay you for that service?”

This isn’t a dream (let me love you) - 26k+ [highschool au]

As captain of his high school’s basketball team, Min Yoongi dedicated all of his attention to his team and their games. His focus on the game never waned, not once for anything or anyone.

Well, until head cheerleader Park Jimin flashed his abs during a solo cheer and made him fuck up his shot

Trying to Behave (but you know we never learned how) - 329k+ [non-idol! au]

It's been years since Yoongi's last seen him and the younger boy is a shell of his former self in a way that makes his heart twist in his chest. And yet, after all this time and countless days of convincing himself to let him go, he's still unconditionally, head over heels in love with Park Jimin.

(Jimin and Yoongi grow up together.)

Valentino Summers - 657k+ [‘80s gangsters]

Whether or not Jimin was smuggling drugs really didn’t matter. He was hustling, and these days that was all there was to it.

Hustle and survive or struggle and die.

Y/N masterlist  << check it out !! xoxo

buon anno

He drinks Robert's wine. That’s the problem. It’s red wine, good wine, or so Robert says, loudly proclaims to the whole table as he plucks the bottle from the waiter’s hands and shows it off with a twist of the wrist.

“A buon anno!” he declares. “Just like the last ten have been with you, friends. So drink up.”

Never mind that Robert’s own glass is filled with water, not wine, or that they burn through the first bottle and call for a second, a third.

“I don’t even drink reds,” Seb says happily, his body pitching towards Chris’s. “I mean, I hate reds, honestly, but this shit is amazing, huh?”

Chris nods, the stuff catching at the back of his throat: it was warm and it was sweet and just a few sips on top of whiskey have made his head feel heavy, like he was half asleep, and as he looks  around the table, at the faces caught in half-shadow by the streetlights, the edges of the world start dissolving a little and some of the sharpness of the night, of this final farewell, aren’t quite as hard to look at or bear.

“Chris.”

“Hmm?”

Seb’s hand on his arm, bold. Squeezing. “You look funny, ‘s all. You ok?”

“‘M fine,” Chris says, and he is. Really. “Just kind of smashed.”

“Pfffft. You?” Five fingers drumming over his. “No, man. You look sad.”

They don’t do this in public, even in front of their co-stars, people who know everything. This is a thing for behind closed doors and hotel rooms and Seb’s place in New York at 3 am. Seb knows that. Seb’s the one who made the rules.

He finds Seb’s eyes, summons a smile. “Dude, you’re drunk.”

“Duh,” Seb says. “Drunk doesn’t mean blind, does it?”

There’s a burst of laughter from the other end of the table where Robert’s holding court and Chris doesn’t have to look to know what he’ll see: Mark and Scar and Don Cheadle (it’s one name in his head; blame Boogie Nights ) leaning in to whatever bullshit Robert is spinning, some story of his younger days, of some star he knew way back when, of some moment in time when Chris was barely alive and Robert was hard into living.

It doesn’t help that tonight, Robert is wearing his glasses because tonight’s about family, about giving the old crew one last hurrah at some fabulous outdoor restaurant in Rome. If Chris had arranged this, it would have rained, probably, but for Robert, the stars are out and the night air is holding on to just enough of the heat of the day. Everyone else is lit up and having a fucking wonderful time and Chris isn’t, no, he’s not, but that’s nobody’s fault but his because his heart, no matter how much he drinks, is a self-centered bitch and he’s not going to get what he wants, he’s always known that, for as long as he could actually articulate to himself what that is, it’s just--he’s always had scraps to hang on to, you know? A scene, a stupid press junket, months spent together on set. The golden thread of possibility that one night or one morning after hours of filming there’ll be a knock on the door of his room or his trailer and the person on the other side will be Robert, not Seb.

“Hey, man,” he’s imagined Robert saying, squint smiling from behind dark frames, “I can’t fucking sleep but one of the sound guys hooked me up with some killer donuts. Want one?”

But they don’t eat in his daydreams. At least not for long.

“Pup,” Robert sighs behind his eyes when he should be sleeping, when Seb’s crashed out on the other side of the bed, “you’re always so goddamn eager.”

“Can’t help it.” His beard brushing Robert’s chest, his fingers tangled in Robert’s belt, that first touch of hard flesh. “Don’t want to.”

A firm hand in his hair, tugging at the long ends. “Oh, honey. Then don’t.”

He tips his glass back and drinks too much too fast because after tonight, there’s no conceivable way that can happen. The movies are done, the whole saga, kaput, and they’ll never be together like this again, in their own soft bubble of unreality; the real world beckons. Tomorrow, they’ll all move on to the next job.

Oh, they’ll see each other, because Hollywood’s a small town. They might even get together again, this core group. Hell, they probably will. But it won’t be the same as this: separate from the world, swimming in fine wine and the pleasure of each other’s company--no children, no wives, no partners. Just them.

Seb’s stopped touching him. He’s leaned over to talk to Mackie. It’s a good time to make his escape.

“I just,” he says into the din, to no one in particular. “Need a sec. Be right back.”

He pushes away from the table and his eyes well up, because he’s fucking drunk. Shit.

Five steps and he’s off the patio; a few more and he’s inside the restaurant, calm and quiet. For tonight, Robert’d bought out the whole place. But it’s good because the lights are off for the most part, blazing in the kitchen, the sound of chatter and laughter, but here, by these empty tables, he can almost pretend he’s in private. The shadows are kind of awesome that way.

A deep breath, another, and the tears pull back. His heart’s pounding in his ears; he can hear it now. His ears are hot and his throat hurts. Jesus. Why the fuck had he drunk that damn wine?

Because , his head says unhelpfully. It was Robert’s .

“What is awesome about you, bro, is your uncanny ability to want the impossible.” Scott had said that to him once in a faux English accent when they were kids on a PBS kick. “You wanna know what the worst part of that shit is?”

“No,” Chris’d said.

“The worst part, Christopher, you asshole, is that you usually find a way to get it.” His brother’s fingers on the remote control, drumming over the volume. “It's so fucking annoying."

“Maybe I deserve it, huh? You ever think of that? Or maybe I’ve earned it, or something.”

“Dude,” Scott had said with a snort, like Chris was the dumbest rock in the box. “I doubt it.”

But it was true, even now: he usually got what he wanted, no matter how lofty--by hook or by crook or by kismet. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed into the darkness. Yeah, well. He wouldn’t this time.

“So your retreat wasn’t total.” A voice dead ahead. Robet’s. “Well, good. That’s something.”

Shit. “Um, no, I wasn’t retreating. Just needed some air.”

“And naturally you went inside to get it. I get it. That whole outdoors thing’s overrated.”

“I’m fine,” Chris says, even though nobody asked.

“Ok, cool.” Robert’s close enough that Chris can see his head tilt. “I kind of assumed you weren’t dying. Unless you are. Are you?”

“No. I’m just drunk.”

A chuckle. “That seems to be a popular ailment this evening. Maybe the buon anno was too much, huh?”

“Maybe.”

He can see Robert’s face now, cut in kitty-corners by the drift of the streetlight. He has to ball his fists up and breath and breath because the red wine part of him, the whiskey, is bellowing at him to reach out and touch.

“Chris.” There’s a steel in the word, a little bit of a chide. “You don’t have to stay, you know. If you want to head back to the hotel, you won’t insult me one bit. I’m sure you and Seb need some time to say your adieus.”

“Me and--?” His face is hot now, a different sort of red. “We don’t--”

“Need time to say goodbye? Yes, you do.”

“We’ll see each other again. We always have.”

“I know.” There’s a hand on his elbow suddenly, an uncertain grip. “But it won’t be the same, trust me. When you’re working together, there’s a thing, you know, like a spark that doesn’t die, that like feeds on itself, but when the job ends, even if you’re still together, it’s different.”

Chris’s head hurts. His head hurts and his chest does and there are motherfucking tears in his eyes again. Goddamn it. “It’s not serious,” he says. “Seb and I.”

“He thinks it is.”

“How do you--?”

“The way that he looks at you sometimes. The way that he touches you when he thinks no one’s looking. It’s pretty obvious, you know, if you have eyes.” The fingers on his arm flex, tighten. “He’s in love with you.”

His skin is singing. His hands are shaking. “No, he’s not.”

“Yeah, he is. I can’t believe he’s never told you.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know.”

Softer now, words he has to strain to hear. “Or maybe he’s afraid to, hmm? Love is a damn scary thing.”

And there’s a sound, one like the day breaking, and it’s only when their mouths meet that Chris understands where it’s coming from: a place dug deep in the well of his heart, an ocean that roars somewhere in his soul.

“Oh,” Robert says, very gently. “Do that again.”

Robert’s tongue is warm and soft and outside, just beyond the doorway, their friends are still laughing, still shouting, still dwelling in the echo of the evening, but in here, unseen, the world is made only of them and he’s afraid to breathe, afraid to think too hard, afraid that if he says the wrong thing or moves the wrong way, the dream will end and he’ll wake up.

“You are the most beautiful creature.” Robert nuzzles his neck and winds his arms around it. “I thought that, you know, from day one, year one, and I’ve never gotten over it, how goddamn beautiful you are.”

Chris’s hips wrench. He pulls Robert close, closer. It feels like he’ll never be close enough. “Then why not--why didn’t you say something?”

“Because I hate settling for half-measures.” A chuckle with no humor in it. “It’s gotten me in trouble my whole life. Better to say nothing, to do nothing, than to be forced to settle for only a taste of you.”

This time, the kiss feels more desperate, hungry. Robert’s nails are in his neck and he’s squeezing Robert’s ass and he wants so much so badly that it makes him feel sick.

“Please,” he says when Robert lets him. “Please, fuck. You can have more. You can have whatever you want from me. Anything.”

And he can feel it, the moment the spell breaks, the moment that this part of Robert that he’s never seen slides back into its shell. A retreat.

“It doesn’t work that way. You know that.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.” A hand in his hair. “This is it, Chris. This is all we can have. And that’s exactly why we’ve never done this. Not once in a decade, jesus.” He shudders; Chris gets a hold of his hips. “And thank god we didn’t because if there was another day after tonight, I don’t know how I’d be able to resist. God, you’re so--”

He groans when Chris kisses him, crush, collision; groans again when he yanks himself away.

“Stop it.”

“You don’t want me to." The words are vicious in his mouth. "I know you don’t.”

“Yeah, well, too fucking bad for both of us, huh? Because we have to stop. This is as far as it goes.”

They’re still holding each other, Chris thinks. They’re still holding each other but Robert is leaving. Some part of him is already gone.

“See? This is what I didn’t want. Half-measures.” Robert’s eyes are cut by shadow, his voice jagged. “Because this is worse than nothing at all.”

Chris swallows. “Not to me, it’s not. At least now I know what it’s like to kiss you. To hold you. It would’ve killed me not to know.”

Robert touches his face. “Which is the difference between you and me, honey. It’s the knowing that’ll kill me, each and every goddamn day. Knowing what I could have, but I don’t.”

*****

Later, when the hour is small and his hotel room is quiet, Seb says: “Seriously, babe. You ok?”

And when he can’t hold the tears back this time, Seb doesn’t ask. He just rolls over and pulls Chris into his arms and for that night, until the sun rises, they leave it at that.

No One Saw a Thing. 

“OMG, she broke a nail. Let her blame it on Skidmore.”

A Sundance documentary. 

Honest admission, my desire to watch this documentary had everything to do with its synopsis. The idea of a people murdering their town bully. Sounded like a good, solid story worth my time. I’m still rolling my eyes. Stupidity all around. If I were to go full rant, this post would be nothing but mess, that’s how much shit I found wrong with it. 

I’m just gonna bullet what I feel like covering. 

The murder of Ken Rex McElroy

By the time I finished the second episode, I found myself not believing Trena McElroy regarding her husband or his murder. The loving wife trying to sell her husband being a nice, well-mannered man. The very same man who got away with shooting a store owner. The very same man who physically assaulted her. Their daughter openly admitted that he abused her mother. And while admitting this, attempted to lessen what was, as if it was okay that her father abused her mother because he didn’t abuse her often. As if it was okay that her father abused her mother because he didn’t abuse her in front of them. Once is enough. Seeing her bruises is enough. That’s on top of everything else. The fact that he started dating Trena when she was only fourteen. This man walked on assault with a deadly weapon, domestic violence, statutory rape, child molestation, and polygamy. He probably would’ve gotten away with a lot more had they not killed him. He doesn’t get my sympathy. From what I saw, they had no choice but kill him because they made it clear from the start that he was untouchable. I don’t believe in taking the law into your own hands, but I feel this single act of vigilantism justifiable. 

His murder stretches beyond believability. The crime scene itself, the number of people claimed to be present, and the testimony of a loving wife. So loving, she had no problem sharing him with a sister wife, no problem taking punches to the face. According to Trena, the entire town held a meeting and came to the decision to kill him without reason. It must've been jealousy because he was such a nice man. An entire town jealous of what? I don’t buy more than ten people being at the crime scene, all circling the truck in which he was killed. I’m trying to picture the man boldly sitting there without fear, not even attempting to escape a crowd of 40 people. Vehicle running, but not daring to drive the hell outta there. Didn’t even care to protect his own wife. No attempt to put it in reverse. Parked and surrounded. Did he think they were planning to invite him over for tea? Claiming to watch a man go to his car, pull out a rifle, then shoot her husband. So Trena watched this happen without warning the  man she loved. He just sat there, with no thought to escape. Didn’t even turn his head to see this gun pointed at him, ready to shoot. If it were me, my tires would’ve ran over that crowd. No big deal to run your truck through when you can shoot a store owner and get away with it. 

It’s beyond absurd to me, and the documentary got worse from there. That’s when every crime that followed his murder placed its blame on their decision to remain silent about his killer(s). 

The murder of Wendy Gillenwater.

If no one saw Wendy laying in her front yard, bleeding to death, no one would be stopping to help her. To help someone, a person would first need to see such a person needing help. So I question who stood by and watched as cars drove by, all ignoring a dying woman. And while doing so, stood by and watched her die on her front lawn. Diane Fanning and the absurdity of her statement. Yes, people had to know that she was being abused by her boyfriend. I'm sure many did. Knowing she's being abused is one thing. Being able to stop him from abusing her is another. For Wendy, the only thing that town could’ve done, is offer their support and hope she'd find the courage to walk away. For any justice to be done, she would've needed to come forward and press charges. Wendy’s neighbors can't press charges on her behalf. They can’t testify to the abuse she endured. What an idiot. And she’s supposed to be an author. Please, don't write any books on domestic violence until you understand it. 

I’m supposed to believe this man used drugs, abused his girlfriend for five years, and actually beat her to death because the town remained silent. Because they got away with killing a man. It’s beyond me how anyone could blame suicide and domestic violence on this single act of murder. From what I saw, McElroy was untouchable despite being found guilty, while Skidmore was convicted without proof and sentenced to suffer the stupidity of man. Invade their lives, blame them for this man’s death, and you might find people crossing their arms when a stranger walks into town. Because that stranger is likely coming to invade their lives just to reignite the blame game. Leave their townspeople alone for fuck’s sake. Wendy’s boyfriend is doing life in prison, so don’t tell me people get away with murder in Skidmore. 

The disappearance of Branson Perry.

Adding more to the already absurd. From what I saw regarding those jumper cables, I believe Perry disappeared on his own at the start, but was murdered later on. I’m having a hard time believing that a murderer would care to return jumper cables weeks after the fact. Unless his murderer needed to use those jumper cables, I would expect them to be laying on the ground where Perry was taken. You want this to be more believable, leave the jumper cables out of it. It’s possible someone stopped, asked for help to jump their car with his cables, and chose to kill him afterward. But you're not going to convince me they cared enough to return them. The nearest dumpster, the nearest lake. Burned, buried. Don’t expect me to believe they returned to the scene of their crime for the sake of returning those jumper cables. 

Jack Rogers didn’t do it. He’s the perfect example of what I would expect after a case like McElroy’s. 15 minutes of fame for Jack. If Perry was murdered, it was by someone outside of Skidmore, and for the same reason. You have this town that everyone talks shit about, how their residents treat outsiders. Consider the idea that people want to protect the home in which they live. When you have a town like that closing themselves off to outsiders, you have outsiders closing themselves off to them. Their reputation is likely to generate enemies. Enemies outside of Skidmore because they don’t understand that world. It’s not a town, but a family of 300+ people. 

Perry didn’t need his van, his wallet, or his personal possessions to disappear. I believe he disappeared on his own, took the cables for the purpose of cooking meth, then returned them when they were no longer needed. I believe he was murdered shortly after he returned them. More likely a drug-related murder. I do believe his body was buried and reburied. I do believe they burned the house for the sake of covering up his death. But I believe Perry’s initial disappearance was his own doing. I think he fell deeper into the drug world, considered himself untouchable, and learned the hard way that it’s a dog-eat-dog world. They no longer needed him. You’re still not gonna convince me that his killer(s) cared about those jumper cables finding their way back home. 

The murder of Bobbie Jo Stinnett and the sins of Skidmore.

Too much religious shit in this documentary. Claiming the murder of one bred three acts of violence. Exaggerations that made me roll my eyes all the more. Blame kept getting pushed back to McElroy. Hit again with the murder of Stinnett. Her killer, not a resident of Skidmore. Huge difference in her case. It’s called technology. Her computer led to her killer.   

With the amount of stress placed on this town by the media, various agencies of law enforcement, and random strangers stirring up shit, one should question the sanity of their residents at this point. The kind of bullshit they went through is the kind of bullshit that would push me to my limits. You have to start considering their well-being and stop being part of the problem. I don't think violence is more likely in Skidmore because of what happened to McElroy. Violence was always there as violence is everywhere, but more visible because the worst already happened. They did not choose to murder McElroy. They were forced to murder McElroy. Denied justice, denied a safe place to live because the law didn't feel like protecting them from a bully.

As far as I’m concerned, silence has been their savior. Whoever found the courage to kill him, best protect that person. McElroy would’ve continued raping their kids, shooting their store owners, walking out of their courthouses a free man, and likely would’ve ended up beating his liar of a wife to death because he has no respect for women. 

Put the Fire Out

@magnusandalexander has a Malec Spotify playlist and Seven Dials is on it and when I listened to it, this popped into my head!

read on ao3

Alec grins, a savage glint in his eye. It’s him against a dozen Dormai demons and he relishes the fight. Adrenaline courses through him, making him feel impossibly invincible. It’s been ages since he was in a good fight, since he was forced to use the wide breadth of his skill against an opponent.

He’s filthy, with ichor burning patches of clothing and stinging exposed skin. His blood is flowing-- from a cut above his eye to where a demon had pierced through his thigh.

He doesn’t feel anything, though.

His focus is complete, unwavering. The fighting is too close range for proper archery, so Alec makes do.

He always does.

He has an arrow in one hand and a dripping seraph blade in the other. He has half a dozen runes activated and were anyone to observe him, they’d only see a blur of movement and hear the agonized cries of the demons. Alec grants no quarter. He’s long since lost track of time, but he’s down to half a dozen of the disgusting things left.

They’re reptilian, with rows of teeth so sharp they could peel the skin off their captive effortlessly. They’re as big as leopards and move with the same cunning grace. They grin back at him, wild expressions of rage and determination. He’s been backed against the wall for awhile now and they smell victory.

Alec didn’t become the best shadowhunter on the east coast without being put through his paces, however. Alec’s own smile becomes wider and more feral as he lunges forward, cutting his blade through the air to decapitate one of the monstrosities. In the next instant, his arrow is embedded in the eye of another Dormai demon, their screeches deafening but bringing grim satisfaction.

Alec’s vision is hazy and red and he hastily wipes his arm across his forehead, clearing the blood away and restoring his vision. The remaining four demons are staying at a distance for the moment, clearly trying to strategize the best way to take out the threat that’s killed almost ten of their own.

Alec braces his weight on one foot and takes the time to swipe his blade across his thigh, cleaning it as best he can until he gets home.

Alec has a lot of issues with being a shadowhunter. He didn’t let himself acknowledge them until a few years ago, but there’s no denying that being a nephilim carries a lot of baggage. Shadowhunters are upheld as paragons of the downworld, they have a tendency to be homophobic and unwelcoming in the extreme, and they’re not known for their bedside manner.

As Head of the Institute, Alec has worked to change some of those things both at his institute, and with shadowhunter policies at the top through official Clave channels. It’s a slow process but Alec has all the time in the world and nothing sets his blood on fire like his brethren being the worst versions of themselves.

This, though. Alec can’t deny that he can’t get enough of the hunt. Out here on the streets of New York-- or Rome or Tokyo-- it’s just him and the demons. It’s a test to see who’s the best and Alec always wins. He’s the best archer and a devil at seraph blades or throwing stars or anything else that catches his interest. He’s a dedicated student and has spent countless hours pouring over the weapons room, sharpening his ability in a wide range of weaponry and combat strategy.

Alec loves the buzzing under his skin during a fight and immediately following. Sometimes, the high lasts for hours-- Alec used to burn the energy off in the training room, even though he’d be so sore or injured that just standing hurt. But now, he has Magnus and his fiancé knows just what to do to bring him down.

All of that will come later though. Right now, Alec is acutely aware of the sting in his thigh, a dull throb that beats in time with his pulse. One of the bastards had caught him with their claw, grotesquely long things that had the strength of steel. Alec thinks the wound might go all the way through but he can’t worry about that now. For now, he puts it out of his mind and ignores the blister swelling between his thumb and index finger. His hands are so calloused that he’s still surprised when skin splits under a crushing grip on a blade or bow.

The pain brings everything into focus. Alec has long since stopped using training and patrol as an excuse to engage in destructive behavior, but it’s this, that makes his blood turn hot. The knowledge of what his body is capable of, how much it can stand, how powerful it can be, that makes going out on patrol something he still does once a week, rain or shine.

He thinks it keeps him sane.

There’s no thinking when confronted with demons that would rather swallow a person whole than breathe. There’s only reflex and action and cold, calculating skill. Alec doesn’t advertise it, but sometimes he thinks there’s more Jace in him than he likes everyone to believe. It’s no secret that parabatai share a piece of their soul with the other and Alec has often wondered if that need for release that rides him so hard when he’s out in the field isn’t an extension of what Jace feels. Or maybe, they’re both blood-thirsty bastards that enjoy killing a little too much.

Whatever the case is, it doesn’t matter now. One of the demons jumps straight in the air before coming down almost on top of Alec. Alec deflects it’s limb with the flat of his blade, but the force brings him down onto his back. The demon is leaning over him, ready to make the killing blow, when its screams rip through the air. Alec’s arrow is embedded in its heart and the thing dissolves into black ichor, absolutely suffocating Alec in the stuff.

Alec coughs, trying not to throw his guts up as the last three charge at him at once. Spitting out a glob of pitch black saliva mixed with blood, Alec feints back and drops down, bringing them closer. Once they’re within striking distance, it’s a battle of the highest caliber.

Sweat is dripping down Alec's face, his back, into open cuts. His body aches, a pulsing bruise, and he swears a blue streak when one of the demons gets a lucky hit in and throws him against the wall, his head hitting brick and sounding a loud crack down the air. Alec blinks several times and grunts out a fuck as a different one reaches for his arm, jerking it and snapping it clean in two. The pain is blinding but shit just got real and Alec clears his head through sheer force of will.

With one arm out of commission, Alec is left with a seraph blade and his wits. He hauls himself up to his feet. He sways a little unsteadily but when he catches one of them coming towards him in his peripheral vision, he turns in reflex and brings the blade up just as the demon lunges forward, impaling itself and turning to ash.

Only two to go, Alec thinks and fixes his grip on the hilt. In quick succession, Alec has killed one of the last demons, falling onto a knee and stabbing the creature through its stomach, hissing as yet more ichor spills on him.

It’s one on one now and Alec’s grin returns, a maniacal gleam in his eye. If anyone saw him now, they’d think him a mad man. This has been the most brutal patrol he’s been on in months and even though he’ll regret everything tomorrow, right now it’s satisfying as hell. He’s killed eleven demons without backup-- a rookie mistake he would dress anyone else down for-- and soon that will be an even dozen.

This last demon is smarter than the rest of them and stays back, taking Alec’s measure for a moment before ducking to the right. Alec has barely enough time to bring his blade up and grunts when his thigh gives a vicious pang as he takes a step back to absorb the impact.

What follows is long minutes of combat. The demon is a persistent fucker and each time one of its limbs crashes against him, Alec aches a little more. It’s through sheer chance that it leaves its side vulnerable for a split second, but that’s all the time Alec needs to finish him off.

With the last demon dead and sent back to hell, the alley is quiet. It’s just Alec’s harsh breathing and the drip of blood from the seraph blade.

Alec exhales and winces as he becomes aware of everything. In the next minute, he’s activated his iratze and sighs in relief as he feels his arm knit together and feels the worst edge of the bruises and cuts heal.

Alec wipes his blade on his jeans and shoves it into his thigh holster. He walks over the the wall and picks up the arrow he’d dropped, returning it to the quiver still on his back.

He takes out his phone and sees that it’s almost four in the morning. He’d been in this particular fight for almost an hour and it’s time to head back.

Alec makes his way to the loft, his body in pain but he’s buzzing. The adrenaline has yet to burn off and with his runes still working, Alec sees everything with crystal clear acuity. He hears the clacking of heels as a prostitute walks towards a car with blacked-out windows. He sees the homeless man in the shadows of a doorway and can smell the leftovers the couple down the block is carrying.

It’s a few minutes before Alec reaches the loft. He opens the door quietly and eases it shut when he sees that Magnus must have gone to bed. Alec toes off his shoes and stows his gear in the special box Magnus had placed in the entryway for him so long ago.

He walks carefully into the ensuite, swiping a bottle of whiskey from the drink cart on his way, past a sleeping Magnus, and doesn’t breathe fully until he’s in the bathroom and has the door closed behind him.

Alec turns the lights and faucet on and rummages in the cabinet for needle and thread. While his iratze would fix the critical injuries, the wound on his thigh is still bleeding and Alec needs to stitch it up.

Field Medicine 101.

Alec unfastens his thigh holster and peels his soaked jeans off, tossing everything into the corner. He takes off everything else, leaving him in just his underwear, and takes his first look at the injury. There’s a jagged opening on his thigh, just right of center, and Alec winces as he knows what’s to come. Walking over to the floor length mirror, he turns around and sees an exit hole. Alec limps back the the sink-- the wound is much more painful now that he knows the extent of it-- and practices his breathing while washing his hands a few times over with antibacterial soap. The shit’s astringent but that’s just what he needs right now.

Drying his hands, Alec reaches for the bottle of whiskey. He’s never acquired a real taste for liquor but that doesn’t stop him from opening the bottles and taking a few liberal swigs. It burns all the way down. Alec takes a moment and breathes past it before taking a few more drinks.

It will take a few moments for the alcohol to take affect and in the meantime, Alec looks grimly down at his leg. He could leave it be. Take a shower, and then when he'd wake up in the morning it would be closed and well on its way to healing. But, Alec doesn’t want a jagged scar from the demon’s claw and it’s easier to get it out of the way.

With a last deep breath, Alec reaches for the whiskey bottle one last time and manages his way into the bathtub. Once he’s standing in it, he pours liberally over the open wound front and back.

While Alec has had to fix things up the rough way a few times, he never gets used to the burn. Everything turns white-hot and his vision wavers as he gasps then swears a blue streak-- all while trying to keep quiet.

His strength rune is still activated, however, and when he reaches for something to focus on instead of the pain, he ends up hitting the shower wall and sees the cracked porcelain. He has a brief thought that Magnus will need explanations for why he needs to fix the bathroom when all of a sudden, he’s steady again.

The pain is still licking up his insides but it’s simmered back down to manageable. Alec threads the needle and starts making military-precision stitches. It’s only half a dozen but Alec has to grit and hiss his way through it. Ales is a warrior, a born soldier, but some things are impossible to get through stoically.

He’s only done the front so far and is just contemplating how the hell he’s going to stitch the back of his thigh up, when there’s a tenative knock on the door.

“Alexander?”

Alec fumbles for the whiskey bottle, taking another deep sip in an effort to control the wavering in his voice.

“Yeah, babe?”

“Can I come in?”

Alec doesn’t really have a good reason for keeping Magnus out. He already knows Magnus will be annoyed that he didn’t wake him up to heal himself but Alec is loathe to use Magnus’s magic whenever he’s perfectly capable of dealing with things himself.

Holding back a grunt of pain, Alec just answers, “Go ahead.”

The door knob twists and slowly swings open. Magnus peers in and takes in the bunched up clothes in the corner absolutely reeking of ichor and blood, the whiskey bottle with just a few sips left, and Alec, standing in the bathtub hold a needle and thread that's also been doused in whiskey.

He just raises a brow and takes in the row of neat stitches in stark contrast to Alec’s pale skin. “Have fun tonight, darling?”

Alec grunts out something unintelligible that sounds like an agreement, followed by a muttered, "Yeah. I killed a few dozen tonight. Felt good." Magnus can’t help the slight worry in his gaze. He knows his fiancé. It’s obvious Alexander loves demon hunting. It’s in his blood, part of his very biology. Magnus has seen Alec after enough hunts gone well to know how keyed up he can get-- it’s a rush of the highest order and Magnus usually tries to stay up and wait for Alec on nights that he knows he’s going on patrol. Alec is a superbly talented shadowhunter but he isn’t infallible. It’s in moments like this that Magnus sees the fragility of what he’s found. He didn’t finally get a love for eternity only to lose him to demon filth.

Magnus knows that while Alec is shameless about his magic in bed and for the most frivolous things-- hot coffee in bed without moving, as his own tailor service-- Alec absolutely hates asking for Magnus’s help with anything serious. Alec thinks he’s inconveniencing him, which is such horseshit but Alec’s always been the last to see his worth.

Alec has the good grace to look sheepish and Magnus just rolls his eyes before coming over to the bath and holding his hand up to Alec’s thigh. The blue of his magic swirls around and Alec’s breath catches at the warmth, at the comfort Magnus’s magic always brings. He holds still, only relaxing when he feels his leg heal completely. Magnus moves on to the various cuts and bruises littering Alec’s body. Alec sags in relief as the pain trickles away.

Magnus hums, a little under his breath, and Alec’s eyes become impossibly heavy. He’s crashed hard and Magnus catches him as he sways a little. He helps Alec sit in the claw foot tub and turns the water on-- just a hair short of too hot, just the way Alec likes. He leaves Alec to lay for a moment, heading towards his apothecary. He grabs a few medicinal scrubs and healing potions and when he comes back, Alec is dozing. Magnus pours the liquid in and the air immediately becomes tinged with the scents of lavender and eucalyptus.

Alec drags his eyes open and smiles a little at Magnus, grabbing his hand and kissing it in gratitude.

Alec washes off the ichor and dried blood and sweat. Magnus changes the water twice and lets Alec soak for a few minutes, using that time to just take him in.

Alec is a handsome man. Sharp cheekbones and delicious stubble with wonderful hazel eyes makes his face the most interesting Magnus has ever studied. His body is well-muscled befitting a warrior and Magnus lets his gaze wander for a moment.

His very own dark Adonis.

After ten minutes or so past, Magnus gently wakes Alec up with a chaste kiss. Alec hums and blinks his eyes open, looking so open and soft that Magnus can hardly stand it.

He urges Alec to stand up and magics a towel into his hand, drying Alexander himself. He barely lingers anywhere interesting, far too aware that dawn is approaching and they’re both ready for sleep.

They walk to the bed together, and Alec all but falls into it, face first. Magnus chuckles and turns off his bedside lamp before crawling into his side. He’s immediately covered by an octopus who buries his face into his shoulder, throws an arm around his stomach, and wedges a thigh between his.

Alec hums and presses even closer. He’s radiating heat and contentment and Magnus lets that blanket cover him and lull him to sleep.

The last thing he hears before drifting off is Alec’s slurred, “Thanks, Magnus. I love you so much. 'Night, babe.”

They’ll wake up around noon and enjoy a leisurely brunch. They’ll talk about Alec’s tragic inclination to do everything himself and Alec will apologize and things will get better. Alec always listens and adjusts his behaviour accordingly. They’ll go their separate ways and complete another day as the power couple of New York’s downworld. Alec will go on another hunt and taste that edge he loves so much and Magnus will always be there to heal him and make sure that he makes it home every night in one piece.

It’s a predictably unpredictable life and Magnus wouldn’t have it any other way.

Monster Hunter World review (PS4)

My first interaction with the Monster Hunter series was way back in 2000-and-something as I watched a mate of mine play Monster Hunter Tri briefly on his Nintendo Wii. I’m not going to lie - I wasn’t that impressed. Not that I watched for long enough to get more than the most brief impression about the game, as his girlfriend turned it off on him before he managed to save because there were ‘guests’, and the entire room uttered a collective gasp of disgust. In any case, while I didn’t feel motivated to buy, I was intrigued by the series’ rather unique premise, and was always tangentially aware of its existence and the zeitgeist surrounding it. So along came Monster Hunter World this year, and along with it came lashings of praise from every angle. Having no experience with the series, I had no context for the compliments it was getting, but I knew more or less immediately that at some point I was going to play this entry, and given the post-release hype, I had no doubt in my mind that I was going to enjoy it. And then I bought it on PS4...

The first thing that struck me as odd when I started the game was the ad for PSN membership that popped up when it tried to log me in online. After having subscribed for a month in order to play Titanfall 2, and then being robbed by sneaky recurring payments that I wasn’t being notified about for another 6 months after that, I refused to buy a PSN subscription ever again. So loading up a brand new game, and having it immediately stop itself to advertise Playstation subscriptions to me felt grotesque. Next came the first cutscene, which I enjoyed right up until the characters started talking and I realised that the lipsyncing hadn’t been localised, meaning that the game looked like a poorly-dubbed Japanese film. Then came the loading screens, and as I sat in front of my console for two minutes and thirty seconds waiting for the first level to load, the incredulity in me rose. And then I entered the opening hub level. And the game ran somewhere around 25 frames per second. And at that point I tried to get a refund, but it turns out that you can’t refund PS4 games after you’ve downloaded them, meaning they could be broken as shit and you’re stuck with the product anyway because fuck you. And I genuinely thought Monster Hunter World on the PS4 was broken, because it ran almost as bad as Mass Effect Andromeda - one of the worst game I’ve ever played. So, barely 10 minutes into my first time playing, I turned off the console in disgust and walked away. So after I researched Sony’s refund policy and discovered that it was utter dogshit, I realised that I was stuck with the game and I sat back down and gave it another go. And...well, it’s okay. Just okay. 

I fully accept that this is my first foray into an established series with established mechanics. I hate it when games I enjoy dumb themselves down for a mainstream audience (*cough* Fallout *cough*), so I don’t criticise the game for taking some time to get used to. However, there are some real quality of life issues here that simply shouldn’t exist in this day and age.

First of all - it looks like shit. Not it terms of its design, but in terms of the quality of the visuals. Poor frame-rate aside, the graphics are heavily washed-out, which is a big disappointment given the lush forests and crystal clear waters of the first area. I don’t know whether the colour palette could be balanced better on PC, but there’s a flatness to everything on the PS4 that leaves the beautiful, evocative locales feeling drab and lifeless. This is purely a stylistic choice, and I cannot understand why they would go the trouble of crafting such a vivid landscape, only to broadcast it through what feels like a white filter. Turning the brightness all the way down helps, but there’s no reason why this should be a problem in the first place.

Secondly, Dark Souls and Bloodborn exist, and a number of copycat games like Nioh have proven that there’s no excuse for a game to be clunky in order to be difficult. Difficulty should exist in the gameplay balance, not in dated control systems, and this is a big stumbling block for Monster Hunter World. The larger monsters all have certain weak points that can be broken or severed in order to weaken them. The problem is that attacking these weakpoints is easier said than done when the lock-on system barely works, and the directional controls feel like the nine-point directional system of a PS1 game. Attacks cannot be stopped once they’ve started, meaning that you need to master your timing in order to be an effective combatant, but they also cannot be rotated once you’ve initiated them in a particular direction, so if pointing your character in the right direction is a chore, your attacks will often fall slightly to the left or right of where you intend for them to go. Coupled with the fact that the creatures move at speed, this means that finesse goes out the window and much of your initial combat experiences will involve getting as close to the target as possible simply so you can’t miss. Now don’t get me wrong - there is a sense of skill-building and personal improvement once you start to get used to this system, but it does feel extremely dated in a way that doesn’t inspire nostalgia. If a retro first-person-shooter had no mouse look, you’d be up in arms. So too does this feel like less of a design choice and more of a glaring failure to adapt to modern conveniences.

The last big issue is that the game isn’t marketed as a multiplayer game, instead being sold as a single player drop-in-drop-out experience. Which is true, to a point, yet every time you load it up it freezes to connect to the Playstation Network, and then advertises a PSN membership to you if you don’t already have one. Once you’re playing, the game will constantly remind you that other people are playing online, even going so far as to tell you who is joining your ‘session’ - a session that you aren’t in if you don’t have a PSN subscription. And to top it all off, you can’t simply select a mission and then expect it to start straight away: instead you have to wait while the game ‘prepares’ the mission as if you were in multiplayer lobby, even if you’re playing offline. This can take up to a minute or more, and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. So even if the game detects that you have no PSN account it will still connect to the internet, then force you into either hosting or loading an online game, then tell you all of the people who are joining a session that you’re not playing in, and then put you in a mission lobby when you’re not waiting for anyone to join. It’s the cherry atop a cake baked ten years ago and marketed as a 2018 release. It's absurd. It’s as if the game was created by people who couldn’t fathom a world in which players wouldn’t play alone, and yet the game is, largely, played and sold as a single-player experience - just like all its predecessors. The greatest effect of having other people join in is that your experience bonus is split between you all instead of going solely to you, and that’s not a bonus, but a deficit. 

These issues make me wonder how the game has come to be critically acclaimed at all, at least in terms of this particular version. I hear the PS4 Pro version can run at 1080p60, and I assume the PC version can as well, although I’ve heard there are some connectivity issues with the PC servers, but my immediate impressions of the standard PS4 version are near appalling. Spiderman runs flawlessly as you swing across the entire city of New York - I didn’t see a single frame drop in my entire playthrough, and yet the detailed but limited-scope environs of Monster Hunter World bring the console to its knees. This, more than anything, speaks to the decline of the console’s relevance as modern graphics capabilities increase. One of the important selling points of the consoles was the fact that you could count on them to run stably, even if their games were technologically inferior to their PC counterparts. If they look worse AND play worse, then what’s the point of owning a console at all? If you have to upgrade to a mid-generation PS Pro now every few years just to be able to ensure your games are going to work, then why not just buy a new graphics card for your PC for the same price, not have to subscribe to the fucking scam that is the Playstation Network, AND have a better quality experience while you do it? Aside from the exclusives, the Playstation 4 is redundant, in my opinion. I can’t think of a single reason to invest in the next console generation, because you know that whatever machine you buy is just going to be obsolete in a few years’ time anyway. 

I’m sure that, all the gameplay quibbles aside, Monster Hunter World is perfectly fine to play on a more powerful machine, but I still cannot see why it has garnered such praise. It’s still a niche game, and it’s okay for what it is, but it’s not at all the force to be reckoned with the reviews make it sound like. It’s stuck in the past mechanically, and has the bare minimum of localisation, and while it is fun after you pass a certain teething point, I find that the ultimate experience is defined not what it is, but what it is not. My rating here is for the PS4 version, so take that as you will, but as it is, the PS Store really needs a proper refund policy.

6/10

a tiny princess’ big list of favorite games

It’s been about three years since I sat down and considered my top 10 favorite games, and I was curious to see how my tastes had changed. I love making lists, and this was really  fun! I ended up writing a whole fuckload of words about them so I’ll put them beneath a read more; feel free to read over them if you like!

Doom II is, for my money, the greatest videogame ever made. No other game has captured the purity of gameplay and design that was managed back in 1994; it’s nearly perfect in every way. Monster and weapon design encourage you to be moving constantly, never hiding behind cover but weaving between attacks. Every monster is threatening in its own way -- the deadliest enemy is the shotgun guy, one of the earliest and weakest you’ll see. Every weapon has its use in various situations (except the pistol, unfortunately). The level design was, by and large, better than the previous game, but even if you don’t like those levels, the game is infinitely moddable and tens of thousands of maps have been released over the last twenty-four years. I’ve sunk thousands and thousands of hours into the game and it absolutely never gets old. Doom II is perfection.

Chrono Trigger is a game that needs no introduction or explanation; anyone who has played JRPGs has assuredly played Chrono Trigger, and it’s much-lauded for very good reason. The characters are varied and interesting, the battle mechanics utilizing combos and positioning are compelling and encourage you to swap around characters in your party to find out what all the double and triple techs are. The plot is a masterful swerve from ‘extremely standard’ to ‘what the fuck is happening’, the prime antagonists extremely memorable (Magus, Queen Zeal, and Lavos are all much more complex than they seem at first glance, and the game fleshes them all out phenomenally), and the soundtrack puts pretty much every other one to shame. The game goes from comedy to pathos with ease, and it’s exactly long enough to finish right when it’s about to wear out its welcome. It’s a real, real good game, y’all.

Nearly the pinnacle of JRPGs, Suikoden II possesses, in my experience, by far the single most compelling story in a video game, and I think it’s largely in part because it keeps itself relatively simple. A story of war, of friends and family torn apart, allegiances shifting and loss and friendship; it never reaches further than it should nor ruins immersion for even a moment. It has some of the worst, saddest, most heartwrenching bad ends I’ve ever seen, and it was those that lingered in my mind far more than the ‘good ends’. The gameplay is fluid and a solid refinement of turn-based RPGs of the era, the spritework is beyond compare for each and every one of its 108 recruitable characters and the background art is perfect. The only real flaws it has is a bit of filler -- did we really need the Neclord subplot in Tinto? -- but it’s so minor as to not detract at all from the overall package.

I was six years old when Myst came out in 1993: my grandfather bought a new computer and Myst was a brand-new pack-in with the CD-ROM drive. From the moment I loaded it up, I was utterly blown away with the most gorgeously rendered, fully realized world I had ever seen in a videogame; keep in mind I was playing shit like SMB3 at the time, so Myst was a whole new world. It showed me that games could be so much more than what the NES could produce, it could be true worlds for me to explore. It helped me to learn how to read, hours spent in the library poring over the books there; it taught me my adoration for exploring empty, lonely places, and ultimately it was Myst that inspired me to legally change my name. Few games have had such a powerful impact on me, and it’s for that reason that I've forever loved the game (and the series that followed!) I cried and cried in simple joy when I learned about the recent kickstarter to rerelease all of the games; few things have managed to worm their way into my heart the way this humble little game did.

A much more recent addition, but no less important to me: Persona 5 was the first game in the series (including all of SMT) that I ever played, and the degree to which the fictionalized Tokyo is a world fully realized utterly blew me away. For dozens of hours, I lived with characters I came to love, I forged bonds and fought for justice, I agonized over which romantic overtures to accept (I went with Futaba my first time). The calendar and social link system is phenomenally cool to me, the battle system is fluid and intuitive, the Palaces had fun design (mostly; some exceptions exist). So deeply was I ensconced in that world that I ended up writing two hundred thousand words (so far) of fanfiction about it, as a result of one of the game’s few major flaws: for a game that seemed so willing to have the protagonist be such a blank slate and a cipher for the player, it saddened me immensely to be forced into one gender. Between that and a few other examples of somewhat socially regressive design (the gay panic scene, the treatment of Ann in some ways) I can’t say the game is perfect, but it’s awfully close to that for me.

I caught sight of the gigantic Earthbound box in a Blockbuster when I was a kid, and my curiosity demanded I rent it and see why it needed such a massive box - the answer, of course, was that it came with its own incredible strategy guide. Earthbound was my very first JRPG and welcomed me into a new kind of game I had never imagined. Fighting with numbers instead of jumping on an enemy's head! Equipment! Stats! A long, involved story that guided me through hugely diverse locations! Humor! Earthbound is a game that doesn't entirely hold up these days, gameplay-wise; there's way too much combat and there's not a lot to it, but its tone and writing remain absolutely top-notch, not to mention its soundtrack. Based on pure quality alone, Earthbound wouldn't be in my top 10, but its impact on my life is nearly more than any other game.

Guild Wars was a game before its time. It was perceived by many as a cheaper alternative to WoW, which had come out six months prior, but the comparisons between the games were never really fair. Guild Wars wasn't an MMO and didn't pretend to be one; it was a much cozier affair with many fewer people involved, the combat areas were all instanced to your party alone, and it had a massive emphasis on solo play with its NPC party member system. The story wasn't anything to write home about, the combat was effectively the same hotbar-based combat as WoW, and the level design was okay at best. All of that said, the character customization was incredible, forcing you to select only eight skills at any given time, so that along with the rest of your party, it was more like building a deck in a card game than standard class-based party composition. Its crossclassing was deep and helped to even further differentiate players from another, its mission system was memorable and fun, but what mostly makes Guild Wars stand out for me was the PvP content. Normally, PvP is something I have no love for, but the 8v8 guild battles were incredibly exciting, fast-paced, and frenetic like nothing else I've seen before or since. I fell in love with it right away and met a community of friends that lasted me for years, and ended up having another enormous impact on my life. I've spent four thousand hours in the game, enough to do literally every scrap of content offered, and still I go back every now and then to play through a mission; its systems just work so, so well. And this isn't even getting into a lot of the stuff that made it unique, like its super-customizable NPC party members, its incredible enemy AI, or the sheer uniqueness of the Mesmer class; there is a lot about the game that I just adore.

The RPG in which you don't have to kill anyone! Everyone knows about Undertale, so I'm sure I don't have to say too much about it. It took normal JRPG tropes and turned them on their head, its sense of humor and overall writing are absolutely outstanding, its characters memorable and varied, and the bullet hell gameplay a fun take on RPG combat. It marries its mechanics and plot more tightly than any other game I've ever played, its soundtrack is incredible, and its emotional moments took me all over the place; just thinking about the hug at the end of the game just makes me tear up. Past all the memes that spawned from it, Undertale is just an extremely solid game that more than lives up to the hype. Please play Undertale.

FFXIV, unlike Guild Wars, is a game that almost seems *after* its time. It came out in a post-WoW world where many MMOs had already played their hand and died, its combat isn't incredibly different from WoW and doesn't seem to have much to set it apart, especially considering it dares to ask a subscription. And yet, it has flourished to become one of the only subscription-based games remaining and has turned an incredible profit for its developers. This is all, I believe, because the game is a giant, well-crafted love letter to the whole series. Enemies, locations, plot mechanics are all deftly drawn from prior games and woven into a tapestry that clearly shows a great deal of love and affection for the previous entries. The story is phenomenal - not just for an MMO, but for games in general. The character animations, armor appearances, and glamour system make it one of the best dress up games available, and it helps that the combat is fun, the bosses true spectacle, and the developers remain wholly committed to the game, constantly releasing content every few months. It keeps a special place in my heart, again, for the people that I surrounded myself with while playing and the extremely fond memories I have of all of the things we did together ingame. FFXIV is incredible and more than just another MMO.

The last spot on my list was hotly contested, but I ended up having little choice but to give it to this bizarre, unknown little rhythm game. Thumper is incredibly unlike any other rhythm game you've ever played, however; even after I beat it I couldn't remember a single song, because it wasn't really about the music, which consisted primarily of pounding drums, howling screeches, and relentless, rising dread. The developers refer to it as 'rhythm violence', and that's an extremely apropos genre; the game is dark, heavy, and endlessly captivating. There's really no describing it, but it's an experience unlike any other. It's apparently available on VR, but I couldn't imagine playing it there - I'd have a heart attack.

Saviour of the Good Days.

➢ A Christmas drabble series based on this list!

Genre | Sense8 AU.

Pairing | Jung Hoseok / Feminine Reader.

Conspectus | Even the worst days can have some good in them. That good, always, arrives as the same person. The one that your entire body and soul is inexplicably entwined with.

It has been a very, very bad day.

Indeed, it has been one of those days where you wake up and have an overwhelming feeling that you should most definitely not leave your bed, because nothing good will come from it. And although you eventually roll yourself to the edge of your mattress and lethargically drag your limbs into an upward position; although you think it can’t be that bad, just get on with it; the whole world unforgivingly crumbles to shit around you, and you get caught in the rockslide.

It was a case of one bad thing after another. A pile of small inconveniences that built and built, slowly becoming more unstable with every new weight added to the mountain. First, there was realising that you forgot to buy a new jar of coffee granules yesterday afternoon, and so you could not make yourself a cup of liquid adrenaline the instant you awoke. Then, there was knocking a half-full glass of water over important documents during your nine-to-five at the office. Later, there was your card declining when you tried to purchase a Christmas gift for your best friend, and the sudden flash of remembrance that rent money came out at midday and, to make it worse, you still do not get paid for another three days.

Now, your car has broken down on the side of the road in the middle of a small snowstorm, which is terribly classic because you abso-fucking-lutely despise snow in general. This right here is the breaking point; the collapse; the crush of your body beneath the weight of all the shitty things that have occurred today. This right here is the cherry on top of the shit cake of shitty shit things, and like a flooding riverbed, your barriers break down and you sob the frustrations out.

“What the hell,” you furiously whisper through a sniffle, forehead resting against the steering wheel of your car as snow pelts down on the town outside. “What’s up the world’s ass today? Is it ‘poke fun at ___’ day?”

“Want me to fight the world for you?”

The voice, while more familiar than the back of your own hand, nonetheless makes you jolt in your seat with a short squeal. Some sensates say that you never get used to it. Having a group of people in your head who share all of your senses, your skills, and can mentally materialise right beside you, although their real bodies remain to be separated from you by thousands of miles. Others express that it takes time. Rather than living as individual people, you learn to be a cluster of minds that coexist all at once, and the intermingling of your lives becomes as natural as before you became connected by the souls.

You are at the midway point of the spectrum.

“Depends,” you say, voice still a little choked with your emotional outburst. “Will fighting the world revive the documents I spent hours working on, only to ruin them completely with my damn elbow colliding with an misfortunately placed glass of water?”

He makes a contemplative sound. “Maybe not. But watching the world get punched in the face by my fists might make you smile, at least.”

At that, there is a watery curl of your lips, and you lean against the headrest of your seat, tilting to the side to face him. Jung Hoseok, who you have mentally, physically, and emotionally been connected with for little beyond a year now, is already watching you with an adoring smile. A South Korean mechanic from a city called Gwangju, who towers over you in height with messily styled hair the colour of the night sky at its darkest; juxtaposed by his bright, sunshine-like features; doused in gold. Even the dreary weather cannot suck the honey from his skin. He remains to attain a soft, pleasant glow that you swear brightens every time his mouth shapes itself into a waning moon, shimmering like sunlight on a calm ocean.

Perhaps, the visible radiance is just your imagination. Then again, you cannot necessarily trust anything you see in your head, these days.

“There it is,” he coos. The thick, fur-lined leather jacket that he wears gives a muffled squeak when he reaches over the gear stick to pat your thigh. Although he is all in your mind, the touch feels as real as ever; sets warmth aflame in your cheeks. “Now that seeing your pretty smile has been ticked off my to-do list, what’s happened here? The car has broken down?”

You wipe at the silvery tracks on your face with your mittens, inwardly hoping you do not look as much of a wreck as you feel. “Something like that. There was a bang, and by the time I pulled it off the road, it had completely stopped.” Hoseok goes to open his mouth, but you swiftly cut him off, already able to see the question he is going to ask by the playful twinkle of his eye. “And no, I haven’t run out of gas. I still have half a tank left, smart ass.”

Hoseok chuckles, directing his gaze out the windshield where the road is being painted white. “Well, my next best guess is that you’ve popped a tyre.” He twists so he can face the backseat, eyeing your spare black parka. “I’ll need your help. Can we use that to keep ourselves shielded in this mini storm? Wait, do you even have a spare tyre?”

“Yes, and yes,” you confirm, already pulling the parka into your lap. “The jack should be in the trunk, too…” Your voice trails off when you take in Hoseok’s attire of the leather jacket, combat boots, blue jeans, and a thin sweater. Most certainly not suited for snow, nonetheless a snowstorm. “Are you sure you won’t be cold?”

“I’m not literally here,” he reminds you with a smirk, unlocking the passenger door. “As long as you’re warm, I’m warm too. I’m feeling what your senses are feeling, right now.”

At that, your feeble heart stutters, and you avidly attempt to not focus on the thought of him feeling something a lot less innocent than the cold weather. “R-Right. Okay. Let’s get to it, then.”

The pair of you stumble into the already calming storm, heading straight for the trunk. Hoseok pulls out the spare tyre and the jack, while you remain huddled close to him with the parka pulled around your bodies in a feeble defence against the assaulting white. It is rather fascinating to observe him changing the tyre; the concentrated, determined frown of his features; the deft movements of his bare hands as they skilfully work. Under his breath, he mutters to himself, as if vocally making his way through the steps. His tousled fringe falls in his eyes, and he keeps having to blow it back with short, slightly irritated huffs. You know that you are ogling like an idiot, but you cannot help it when everything he does is just so… insanely attractive.

Hoseok seems to catch onto this by the time he has completed the job, and you are darting your eyes away from his face where they had been embarrassingly burning holes for the past ten minutes. He notices how closely you are crouched beside him; the parka-shield surrounding the two of you in a cosy cocoon only serving to force your body-warmth to share the space. Around your huddled figures, the storm has completely relaxed into peaceful snowing. Out the corner of your eye, you can see the way his expression softens, melting like butter.

“T-Thanks. For this. I really appreciate it, Hoseok,” you mumble in a pathetic attempt to cover up your ridiculously intense staring. When you go to drop the parka away, no longer a necessity, he softly catches your elbow, halting the action. You pray to every deity that he believes your watery gaze is due to the icy weather.

“No need to thank me, I’m happy to help,” Hoseok says gently, squeezing your elbow. The warmth of your face ignites into that of a pot reaching boiling point. His own cheeks light up in a rosy flush, and you wonder if that is your own senses reacting with his own, or if they are solely his, making him blush completely by themselves. “If it makes you happy, I’m happy.”

There, you realise how near his face is to your own. There, you think that you could move forwards three inches, and you would be able to kiss him. There, Hoseok seems to understand the same idea that is running its dangerous course through your mind, because he slowly, incrementally, leans, and leans, and leans–

A car door slamming shocks you out of your intoxicated daze. You physically fall backwards from your crouch, collapsing into the snow with a surprised shriek. Almost immediately afterward, a flustered, middle-aged women wearing a pink beanie with a giant pompom on top is offering her hand to you.

Hoseok is nowhere to be seen.

“Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry for frightening you, darling!” She says in a high voice as she helps you back to your feet. “I saw you all by your lonesome on the side of the road, and couldn’t help but worry. Did you pop a tyre? Oh- Wow! You changed that all by yourself? How impressive of...” 

The woman continues to ramble on, but your attention has been snagged elsewhere. Still stunned from the almost that was finally about to occur; that was yanked away from you at the last second, like teasing a dog with a bone. And then, suddenly, all you can focus on is a familiar hand gingerly curling around your wrist.

A pair of silky, warm lips pressing to your cheek.

“Merry Christmas, ___,” Hoseok murmurs into your ear, planting another soft peck on the lobe, drawing fire in its wake. “I hope your day gets better.”

“... Gee, I remember when my husband nearly drove us into oncoming traffic when I– Honey, are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen Big Foot!”

Note | Sensates are a ‘cluster’ of human beings who are mentally and emotionally linked, able to sense and communicate with each other, as well as share their knowledge, language and skills. Please watch the show. It is phenomenal.

All Rights Reserved © Vankoya. No translations, reposting and/or modifying of the material is allowed without my direct permission.

All MCU Films RANKED

Recently, I kind of got out of the fake fan box when I finally finished watching through the many MCU films I’d missed over the last ten years. And it was clear as I was going along that Marvel has definitely had its weak points, but its strong points made everything worth the watch. So here’s my list of all MCU films up to Infinity War ranked from worst to best! (I know Antman and the wasp came out on saturday but I’m a UK egg so I have to wait til fuckin august to get my insect content so guess I’ll die)

Disclaimer: My opinion will probably, definitely not be yours

19. Iron Man 2 (2010)

As much as I love pretty much all of the main cast, somehow this film falls completely flat for me. First off, as I mentioned in my other Marvel list, Whiplash is kind of just a terrible villain and his motives for doing anything he does during this film is mostly absent. Also, compared to how well structured the first Iron Man film’s narrative felt, the story for this instalment is messy and very difficult to keep track of. Instead of escaping terrorists and fighting a genuinely memorable villain, Tony instead spends this film going to board meetings and expos and for some reason at one point, a race in Monaco? And then he’s in the race? I’m just confused. Point is, they kinda fucked this one up.

18. The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Thinking about it, this film isn’t terrible. It’s just a bit eh. At this point, Marvel were only just really finding their feet with these films and it’s notoriously difficult to make a decent Hulk film. So what really lets this film down is the fact that Norton doesn’t stick around and this film probably could’ve benefitted from Mark Ruffalo’s presence, most of the side characters are a little underdeveloped and the villain seems pointless until the last twenty minutes when he turns green and smashes shit. Much like the villain, the plot itself feels kind of slow until that last twenty minutes when shit gets smashed. So yeah, not awful, but doesn’t match up to the rest of them.

17. Iron Man 3 (2013)

Iron Man 3 is another not-terrible film. It doesn’t have a bad villain, so the whole Mandarin twist isn’t why this is placed so low as I didn’t mind that really. It’s mostly the pacing and the story that messes this one up a little. As I mentioned in my villain list, there’s so many different subplots happening that it’s really difficult to pick up on the majority of what’s happening. For example, you’ve got the weird fire stuff that everyone’s worried about, Rhodey is the Iron Patriot, Killian turns up, there’s a terrorist, oh look this woman that Tony briefly had a thing with and now Tony’s crashed his suit and here’s a random child. There’s just so much they’ve tried to cram in that I got a bit lost watching this one. That said, it definitely isn’t a bad film, just needs a little bit off the top.

16. Thor (2011)

Now we’re getting into the films I really like, so this is where ranking gets a bit more difficult. The thing about Thor is that it’s good. And that’s kind of it. It’s a perfectly good origin story that’s paced really well and offers enough humour and Thor hitting things with his hammer/fists to keep it all interesting. Plus, Loki’s introduction makes this all the more brilliant, as it kind of foreshadows him becoming a bit more evil in future. Well, you only know that if you stayed til the end because it only takes him about the length of some credits to bring himself back to life.

15. Thor: The Dark World (2013)

I know, everyone hates this film and it should be in last place. But I kind of don’t hate it, and I also don’t get why everyone else does. Sure, it relies a bit too much on technobabble and a villain that’s no more compelling than most of the others from phase one, but the film has a genuinely full and interesting plot. Alongside that is the changed dynamic between Thor and Loki after the events of the first Avengers as he struggles to trust him and we see Thor seem to genuinely mature as a character. So in my mind, this film is pretty good.

14. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

Here’s another film that garnered a lot of hate. The additions of Scarlet Witch, Vision and (briefly) Quicksilver work very well and they seem to have interesting dynamics with the rest of the team. The final fight is pretty satisfying, the villain feels like a genuine menace, even if his character is a little uneven, sometimes opting to be overly serious android and other times the weird comic relief. In that sense, Ultron’s character does feel a bit odd, but that and the massively unneeded and very weird love plot between Bruce and Natasha (seriously I nearly turned this film off during that bar scene) are the only criticisms I really have of this film. It’s pretty decent.

13. Iron Man (2008)

The one that started it all is very, very good and is also the only Iron Man film I really like. This one has everything a Marvel film needs; humour, a fair amount of explosions and a decent villain. The only reason this didn’t place higher is because, obviously being the first one, it’s a little by-the-numbers. But all that means is that future films took this formula and made it better.

12. The Avengers (2012)

I know this one is normally higher and I still love it, don’t get me wrong. But it’s easy to forget that, at times, the pace of this film is a little bit slow. Like that New York fight at the end will always be amazing, but there’s a good chunk of the film where everyone is just kind of sitting around. Same goes for the first 20 odd minutes too. Overall, great film, but it’s the slightly uneven pace that keeps it from getting higher.

11. Ant-Man (2015)

You could argue that this one is just a less good copy of Iron Man, especially in its very derivative villain. But what puts this film a bit higher for me was the pretty much untouched genre of blending a superhero film with a heist film. That’s a fuckin good idea and I’m very here for it, which is why I’m so mad that we aren’t getting the sequel for another month. The cast in this is brilliant too, especially Evangeline Lilly’s Hope (who I’m very excited to see kick arse in the cool wasp costume tbh)

10. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Cap’s first solo outing makes for one of my favourite MCU origin stories and it’s also one of the most underrated. This film proved that superhero films could work in a period setting and that makes it even cooler. Plus, brilliant villain guest spots from Hugo Weaving and Toby Jones round off the film to make something that feels a lot more than the sum of its parts. Yeah, I enjoyed this one a lot.

9. Captain America: Civil War (2016)

This is the first Marvel film that genuinely felt like it had lasting, important stakes. Seeing the Avengers fall apart with Zemo pulling the strings is fascinating to watch, as for the first time on a grand scale, we see genuine consequences for the actions of the heroes. The introductions of Spider-Man and Black Panther served to make this film much better. My only issue? That weird forced romance with Peggy’s cousin or whatever. That was just strange. Like, come on Cap, your boyfriend with the metal arm is gonna get jealous.

8. Spider-Man Homecoming (2017)

This film did the unthinkable. It made me give a shit about Spider-Man. This isn’t to say that I ever disliked the character or that the other two played him badly, I’ve just never been particularly invested in his character. The pure bean that is Tom Holland changed this and now Spidey is one of my faves. This film knows that, if we’re really rebooting Spidey again, there’s stuff we do and don’t want to see. Uncle Ben dying and Peter being emo about his spider bite? We don’t want to see that again. A perfect blend of a superhero and a teen movie and a genuinely chilling villain from Michael Keaton? We bigly want to see that.

7. Doctor Strange (2016)

While you could say that this borrows a little heavily from Iron Man’s origin story, it’s mostly the amazing visuals and interesting characters that place this one so highly. We see a genuine, if a little fast, journey in Strange’s character from arrogant know-it-all to magic robe guy. Plus, a good villain in Mads Mikkelson makes this one much better, so when the sequel inevitably comes, I think I’ll definitely be seeing it. The only thing this film lacks is a big finale, as everything seems to tie up a little too easily.

6. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

Almost the best sequel in the MCU, this films builds on the events of Cap’s first outing to deliver a sort of spy thriller. Again, I’m a big fan of the Marvel films that push the boundaries and branch out into different genres and it’s pretty clear that the experimentation in this film worked perfectly. It’s an intense spy film with some genuine emotion as we see Cap try his best to get through to his boyfriend. More like this pls.

5. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

I can’t tell you how much I love the Guardians (Kinda unrelated but Dave Bautista is at a comic con I’m going to in October. Fuck I’m excited for that). They brought a badly needed sense of genuine fun to a franchise that still felt a little bit too serious. With a perfect cast with good chemistry, a cool space setting with brilliant visuals and a narrative that keeps you hooked, the only thing keeping this film from being perfect is a slightly out of place villain.

4. Black Panther (2018)

The rest of this top 5 all come very close to the top spot to the point where it was too difficult to rank them. Cultural significance aside (which is one of the many things that made this film brilliant), this film’s characters and storylines make a point of breaking away from the usual Marvel mould to make one of the best MCU films to date. In a rare feat that not many of these films do, every single side character in this film feels developed and necessary, which is why so many of them slotted so well into Infinity War (except Nakia for some reason. Really hoping she comes back for Avengers 4, unless she’s been Thanos’d I guess)

3. Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

They pretty much perfected this one. Some people are saying this is a little gloomy, but that’s to be expected when purple Josh Brolin is trying to kill everyone. What stops this one from being too emo is the well-needed presence of the Guardians, but I could legit just gush about this film for ages so we’re moving on.

2. Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

This film is miles, miles better than both of the other Thor films and pretty much everything else in the MCU. Taika Waititi does something that most other Marvel films really couldn't manage; it has a terrifying, brilliant villain and yet the whole film still maintains some of the best humour in the MCU. Guest spots from Cate Blanchett, Jeff Goldblum, Karl Urban, Tessa Thompson and the director himself are all equally amazing and help make this film what it is. If we lose Thor in Avengers 4, I’m praying for Tessa Thompson’s Valkyrie to take up the mantle.

1. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

As I said, the top 4 were very, very close together, but Guardians 2 only just beats them all for me. It’s a pretty unpopular opinion, but I think this film took everything from the first and only made it better. In this instalment, we see some desperately needed development for each and every character, with the decision to make this film more character driven being one of its best aspects. Almost pitch perfect humour, an amazing villain, my favourite final fight in the whole of the MCU. Yondu’s heart-wrenching death. I swear if we lose any Guardians permanently in Avengers 4, I won’t be happy.

Just as I typed that last sentence, I had another idea for a Marvel list. Might do another one of what I think each surviving character from Infinity War’s role might be in the next one. Ooo.

Go treat urself.

Essential Avengers: Avengers #158: When Avengers Clash!

April, 1977

What is not immediately evident is that we are facing another change in the creative team.

Steve Englehart was kicked off the book after #150. After that, Gerry Conway took over with an assist by Jim Shooter in #151 and #156. With this issue, Jim Shooter takes over until #177, a little after he becomes Editor-in-Chief.

And its another rough transition.

I don’t actually remember being a huge fan of Shooter’s Avengers on my first read through so I’ll see if that holds up. But in this issue at least, we get off to a semi-rocky start.

Last time: Wonder Man came back to life, causing non-ending angsts in the Vision right when he was feeling good about himself and his capacity for emotions. Also, a metaphor in the shape of a stone statue of Black Knight beat up the team but punched itself to death against Vision.

This time: Some continuity hiccups.

We start off with the Vision staring moodily, as he is wont to do, but specifically at the broken statue of Black Knight.

The heap of broken statue is a lot more recognizable as specific body parts then it was last time but it does make for a more striking visual. Also, Statue Knight is staring into my soul and its not okay.

Wonder Man walks into the room supporting Scarlet Witch, both in costume. Which is one of those continuity hiccups because they were both already in the room in a pile of defeated heroes and also not in costume.

So I have to believe that they left while Vision was ‘fighting’ Statue Knight specifically to get changed and then came back, instead of helping.

But seeing Wonder Man supporting Wanda is just too much for Vision. He angrily announces that because of Wonder Man he has already relinquished his foolish delusions of humanity and will soon relinquish his wife BECAUSE A ROBOT HAS NO RIGHT TO ONE but hey until he does, hands off.

And then he punches Wonder Man for copping a friendly demeanor.

Also, I notice he hasn’t consulted Wanda with this. Which just goes to show that maybe he’s the most human of all because real human men similarly disregard her emotions and wants and needs.

Its a wonder she didn’t murder them all sooner.

Anyway, so now they’re fight.

Even though Wonder Man was knocked out by a mailbox last time, it will take more than a single punch and also SOLAR BEAM to take him down this time. He’s apparently getting his strength back and also he’s tired of getting knocked out by cheap shots so much.

He tries to tackle Vision but, y’know, intangible.

Except Vision apparently has the human emotion of shit talking because he decides that he’ll humble Wonder Man on his own terms instead of just remaining untouchably intangible.

Of course, even if he’s diamond hard, Wonder Man can just knock him off his feet by attacking the ground.

Its fine, Tony will pay for it.

Speaking of the cool exec with a heart of steel, he comes to underneath the computer bank that Black Knight tipped over on top of him.

Because apparently Shooter skimmed the previous issue?

Because Iron Man was one of the heap of heroes that should already be in the room where Wonder Man and Vision are fighting.

But I’ll try not to harp on it too much.

Back to the fight where Vision continues to ignore Wanda’s desires by exchanging blows with Wonder Man even as she insists that they cut it out.

I guess he gets tired of punching a fellow tough customer about the chest because he tries to go for his insta-win sure fire finishing move and fists Wonder Man through the chest.

But Wonder Man is able to resist the pain and punches Vision in the face.

He’s not the only one that the sure fire fizzled on but I think it usually just doesn’t work at all rather than ‘I say that hurts like the dickens -pawnch-’

The rest of the heroes that should already be in the room show up and Scarlet Witch begs one of them to stop this nonsense.

But Iron Man goes “Let’s just let them fight it out!” but stops just short of suggesting they bet on the outcome.

Tony. Geez. I know they have to work out their issues but a) this is probably not the most productive way? and b) they’re liable to cause a lot of damage to your home before they finish.

Okay. I know the theory is that they have to get it out of their system but guess what? IT DOES NOT WORK. They have this exact same fight again during the Busiek era and eventually have to use their words to clearly express what their thoughts and feelings are, instead of their fists. Because frequently, words work better than fists in the very specific field of robo-angst.

In one of the few times its a disadvantage to be a robot instead of an ionically enhanced human, Vision’s solar batteries are running low while Wonder Man is just getting fired up.

In desperation, Vision drains his solar batteries even faster by using SOLAR BEAM right at Wonder Man’s face.

It’s SUPER EFFECTIVE!

But even though this apparently hurt worse than anybody ever hurt him before (even worse than dying!), Wonder Man has enough juice to BWA-AM Vision.

And now that both heroes have knocked the shit out of each other and are too shaky on their feet to continue, now Iron Man tells them to cut it out.

And now that he has only now decided it was a problem, he scolds Wonder Man for breaking the mansion even though he’s a guest.

Oh and he also tells Vision to act like a man or man-shaped robot instead of a child. Or you’re grounded, mister.

And now that the fight is over, Jarvis shows up to make them all feel bad. He also took the time after waking up from a stone cold beating to put on some fresh clothes but also he fielded an emergency call and told them they were shit out of luck because the Avengers were dealing with personal biz.

Also, are they expecting him to sweep up the stone gentleman or should he call a morgue?

Jarvis’ ploy, if it were that and I’m not simply making up motives, works. Because Iron Man can’t believe that they’ve gotten to the point where they’re turning people away to wallow in their own troubles.

Which might but then again might not be fair. How long did you watch Vision and Wonder Man punch each other?

Before that they were unconscious because a statue beat them up and before that it was Christmas damnit. Can’t they have just one quiet day?? Also, is it still Christmas? They never mention it again. I think they were unconscious through the entire holiday.

But, yeah, obviously just sitting back and watching Vision and Wonder Man beat each other up instead of literally any other thing was a bad decision and you should feel bad, Iron Man.

Meanwhile, we finally get to the plot of the issue.

Because apparently! Vision and Wonder Man’s tension coming to a head? Wasn’t enough of a plot!?

I’d usually discuss this at the end but here goes:

This issue, if it was going to have Vision and Wonder Man punching each other in the head because of Vision’s poor ability to both communicate and deal effectively with his emotions, should have been just about that.

And if the fight was only going to be part of the issue before moving onto something else, that something else should have been thematically connected. As it is, this issue feels disjointed.

It feels like Shooter felt obliged to wrap up this plot thread before moving onto stuff he’d rather write about.

And dang will I have small, mostly neutral comments to say about the stuff Shooter would rather write about. Later. After we’ve seen a couple examples.

So the plot happens in Canada because Marvel Canada is a fascinatingly terrible den of evil, worse than a thousand Mos Eisleys. Specifically a research community in the Canadian Rockies called Research City because scientists are bad at naming the things, some of the times.

And the worst scientist has taken over this research hamlet (it has fewer than ten buildings, it is not a city).

Frank Hall.

And he is nettled because one of the other scientists has disobeyed orders and tried to contact the outside world and request the Avengers’ help.

That is not how we do in Research Commonwealth, JOSEPH.

Just for that, Frank Hall is taking the entire community off the map. TRY TO SNEAK OUT NOW, JOSEPH.

And then he crushes Joseph with kirby krackle.

Not to death but enough that Joseph’s wife Judy begs Frank Hall to stop hurting him.

Frank does not take it well. He gets some real squinty eye face going on for reasons that will be revealed later. But he doesn’t kill Joseph. Just has him taken away and locked up.

Because he just had a wonderful, awful idea.

Which is him beating up the Avengers.

He just now realized that he could become a supervillain instead of being a tinpot bully dictator of a small research community.

...

Frank Hall has sort of limited ambitions considering his scope of power.

Also, he forces Judy to make him a supervillain suit.

Its not specified whether she made it to his exact specifications or spitefully made it to make him look like a prat but he kinda does.

Oh also his backstory: It is every backstory ever about a scientist fucking up science so hard that he becomes a supervillain.

Except slower.

He was working on a teleport beam, doubled the power to see what would happen, and accidentally gave himself gravity powers.

Instead of immediately going megalomaniacal, he at first used his powers to throw stuff at people’s heads. Because, as mentioned, Frank Hall is a petty prick.

But then people started to shun him, because he kept throwing stuff at their heads.

So he proved their impressions of him correct by seizing control over the entire not-city and pushing people around.

And that’s why Frank Hall, Graviton, is the worst.

Also, he’s an entitled, harassing bastard.

Remember how he got angry that Judy didn’t want Joseph to be hurt? It was because he decided that he deserves her. Because she’s his fave.

She’s a bit distracted even though he’s all touching up on her face though because behind his back she noticed the Avengers standing outside the window watching this whole thing with evident disgust.

So she does the thing that everyone does in such a situation and unconvincingly goes “tell me more” but Frank Hall is an entitled idiot bastard and falls for it.

Not that it matters.

Because another woman, Raquel, who was jealous of Judy, bursts in and announces that the Avengers are RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

And the gig is up so the Avengers dramatically fly through the window.

(Attack instead of Assemble? Whats the deeeeeal??)

Things immediately go to hell.

Graviton smashes Vision into the ground with gravity and then blows the rest of the Avengers away with anti-gravity. Because sure.

Vision increases his mass to max mass to max his muscles but Graviton just makes him weightless and flings him through the roof.

Clearly, it is time to pull out the big gun.

Cap readies his mighty shield because he knows that when he flings his mighty shield all who oppose his shield must yield. But Graviton saw through that ploy and increase the mass of the shield.

Now Cap is opposing the mighty shield and must yield. By getting crushed.

Although what kind of posture were you in, Cap, where your shield getting super heavy all of a sudden made you fall backwards with it on top of you instead of just dropping it?

Meanwhile, Judy tries to run away because honestly, wouldn’t you? And Raquel beans her in the back of the head with a vase maybe. Because Raquel is not a great person. Also, this will be important later.

Iron Man and Scarlet Witch attempt to blast Graviton but he just... gravities the floor up so that it blocks the... attack...

I don’t think Graviton knows what gravity is.

He says he made the section of the floor lighter than helium so that it would rise up to protect him but. It was still connected to other floor that was not lighter than helium.

Also, remember when Scarlet Witch’s powers had evolved so she had control over natural forces.

Bet those would come in handy here instead of just shooting generic energy. Alas. The thread has been lost.

Anyway, Graviton condenses some floor fragments into a super-dense sphere and hucks it at the two heroes.

Because armor is better than not armor in this scenario, Iron Man shields Scarlet Witch from the sphere but they both get knocked out anyway.

Although at least her head is still head shaped and not salsa.

Wasp and Yellowjacket try their patented and recently useless Fly Around While Tiny And Annoy Someone battle technique but Graviton knocks them out with a pencil.

It sure is exciting watching those two consistently be useless. =\

Finally, since its just the two of them left, Beast and Wonder Man rush Graviton together but he just drops the ceiling on them. While boasting about how he wishes there were more Avengers because of how easy this is. Womp womp.

Anyway the Avengers are now all defeated. Even Vision. Who we last saw crashing through the ceiling while weightless and also at his maximum density so something like that shouldn’t be enough to knock him out?

Maybe the ceiling was made of mailbox.

And okay. This kind of stomp happens to the Avengers sometimes and with increasing frequency in the near future. But at least Graviton’s backstory had him dicking with his powers for a while before using them in a fight.

Imagine how embarrassing it would be if he were pulling off this kind of nonsense after having just woken up from a coma and never practicing his powers.

Anyway, now nothing can stop him probably and he’ll rule the world possibly.

And Raquel smugly thinks that she’ll rule it at his side because she has some issues she needs to work though.

Next time: More of this. YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE HOW GRAVITON IS DEFEATED probably.

Hey, you should follow @essential-avengers. Why? When I get twenty followers, I’ll do a bonus post where I look at some Alternate Avengers. Avengers from the future? From when mangas roamed the Earth? Or from an alternate universe? Up to you!