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kissinginkitchens · 3 years

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You Bring Me Home—Chapter Eleven: Water Under the Bridge (Finale)

a/n: welcome back my loves <3 It’s so weird to think that this is the final chapter of YBMH and I’m definitely having a lot of feelings about it (denial, mostly). I want to say a huge thank you from the very bottom of my heart for sticking with this story and these characters that I love so much. I’ve had the most fun over the past few months talking to some of you and hearing your thoughts; I cherish it more than you’ll ever know. With all of that said, I’m going to miss this era so so much but I would still love to hear from you lovelies, so please feel free to drop by my inbox and let me know what you thought of this series!! Feedback, criticism, all of it is welcome :) Much love, Mel <3

Pairing: Hawai’i!Harry x Original Character (Halani <3)

Warnings: swearing, angst

Word Count: 6.7k

catch up on parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and ten

January, 2018

A strand of hair tickles Harry’s nose and his eyes flutter open. The faint sound of car horns and traffic outside reminds him of his location when his memory fails. He gently slips out of the bed and tiptoes over to the window, careful not to wake the girl sleeping soundly next to him. A thick layer of snow blankets every building and surface in New York City as far as the eye can see, and the grey sky above signals another storm on its way.

I’m going to die of hypothermia, Alani shivers, nursing her steaming cup of tea as she walks away from the office window and takes a seat behind her desk. Even after living in the city for a year, she still hadn’t adjusted to the cold weather and feared that she never would. Her boyfriend had joked on numerous occasions that you can take the girl out of the island, but you can’t take the island out of the girl.

“Vanessa’s on line three,” her assistant calls from the doorway.

“Thanks,” Alani nods before bringing the phone to her ear. “So, what did you think?”

“It was brilliant,” the editor admits. “Insightful, witty. I think they’ll love it,”

Alani smiles and spins in her seat to face the window again. “St. James has been on my ass about this piece for weeks. I hope it’ll shut him up,”

“It will, trust me. Hey, I gotta go, but I sent the revision notes and we can discuss more later,”

“Great, thank you so much. See you at dinner,”

“Ta-ta.”

Alani reaches for a pen and scribbles a reminder onto a pink post-it note nearby.

Bloody five-star hotel, you’d think they could afford decent pens. Harry grumbles to himself, shaking the ballpoint to no avail.

“Where are you going?”

Harry freezes in his tracks and turns to the brunette stretching out her tired limbs. He has to clear his throat to keep from saying the wrong name.

“Just a quick walk,” he explains with a tight lipped smile. “Go back to bed.”

She flashes a wide grin and snuggles back into the covers, but he secretly hopes that she’s gone by the time he returns.

The snow crunches under Harry’s feet and he digs his hands deeper into the pockets of his coat. He had never been very fond of the cold, but he did have to admit that Central Park looked unbelievably beautiful in the winter. His phone buzzes inside his pocket and he digs it out to read the message.

Mitch: Me and Sarah are going to Bisous in ten. Meet us?

Harry: See you there.

********

“French is such a pretentious language,” Maleah scoffs, taking a bite of her pastry. “But I’ll be damned if I have to give up my chocolate croissants,”

Alani chuckles lightly and traces the restaurant’s logo of a red kiss printed on her napkin. Going to Bisous at least once a day had become a tradition during her best friend’s visits.

“I’ll have to smuggle a real one back for you and then you can tell me if this one’s the real deal,”

“When are you going, again?”

“Next month,”

Maleah wiggles her brows. “Oooh, Valentine’s Day? Are you taking Mason with you?”

“No,” Alani says casually. “It’s for work,”

“Well, who says you can’t mix business and pleasure?”

“Literally everyone.”

“Okay,” Maleah sighs, patting her full stomach. “Let’s go now before I get sleepy.”

The two friends make their way out of the busy restaurant and Alani’s shoulder brushes someone next to her.

“Sorry.” she apologizes, making brief eye contact with the other person before doing a double take.

Mitch purses his lips and turns his head back to the other girl at his arm while Maleah drags Alani out the door.

********

“I mean, what the hell was that? I could barely keep my drum kit together,” Sarah laughs gently, sipping her coffee.

“Cause of death: rocking too fucking hard,” Mitch shrugs. “There are worse ways to die,”

Harry stirs his black coffee with a spoon and watches the mini whirlpool grow. “Rob said you could feel it in the balcony, too,”

“I’m surprised you didn’t die,” Mitch pokes. “Mr. defective lungs,”

“Heyyy, I can’t help the asthma thing, alright?”

“Well it’s the last night,” Sarah chimes in. “Are we gonna try to beat the Kiwi record and go for four times in a row?”

Harry shrugs, a soft grin on his lips. “Dunno. Maybe if it feels right,”

“I say we cut out the middleman and just bulldoze MSG ourselves. What difference does it make if the fans tear the house down or if we do?” Mitch suggests.

“Oh yeah,” Harry nods. “I’m sure Irving would love that.”

“Some food for thought.”

The trio finish their breakfasts and excitedly continue their conversations about the impending show, but the entire time, Mitch is haunted by the knowledge of Alani’s presence in the city. He debates telling Harry, but is suddenly reminded of the intense aftermath of the pair’s falling out.

********

“Where’s Alani?”

“Don’t fuckin’ say that name to me ever again.”

Mitch’s brow furrowed. “What’s going on?”

And with a simple question, anger had subsided into grief. Mitch still didn’t know all of the details surrounding their split, but he had pieced together sufficient bits from Jeff and, in part, from the lyrics Harry penned in the following weeks. The slump had lasted through the fall and winter of that year, but as spring rolled around and the album’s release drew closer, Harry pulled himself together enough to promote and tour. It felt good to be on the road, and he found himself revitalized by the energy of those who came to support. Tour itself had been relatively intimate, as he had actively decided to play smaller venues than the sold out stadiums he was accustomed to, but the enthusiasm of the crowds hadn’t changed from his band days. As Harry occupied his attention with music, Hawaii grew smaller and smaller in the back of his mind. Eventually, it dwindled into a dull ache at the center of his chest, felt only on particularly long nights coaxed with a little bit of alcohol in his bloodstream. For now, he tried to focus on his last show at Madison Square Garden.

********

Alani’s stomach turns. Had she really seen Mitch or had it been a remarkable doppelgänger? She hoped it was the latter, knowing that if he really was in New York City, Harry wasn’t far behind. This was by no means the first time she had been reminded of her summer love turned sour, but it stung just as much every time. The first incident was last April when she turned on the T.V. only to find Harry performing one of his new songs on Saturday Night Live. It had resulted in the loss of her favorite mug as it shattered against the hardwood floor in her apartment. Since that day, Alani had seen his face on countless billboards in Times Square and habitually asked taxi drivers to change the radio station or turn it off entirely. After a while, she had gotten better at dealing with the sinking feeling whenever he was mentioned, it was easier to detach feelings for someone who lived on a screen. Running into Mitch, however, had blasted a hole straight through the fourth wall that Alani had erected, and she knew that there was absolutely no way she could cope with a similar encounter from Harry.

“Oh shit,” Maleah gasps softly, looking through the windshield at the hundreds of people lined up on the pavement outside of Madison Square Garden.

“What?” Alani asks, head still spinning.

Her best friend immediately turns to her with a nervous smile and shrugs. “Oh it’s nothing. Hey do I have something in my teeth?”

Alani glances out the window behind Maleah and her eyes bulge. “Woah, what’s happening there?”

“Oh it’s probably, like, Lady Gaga or something. Anyways, look at this random text I got the other day.”

But it wasn’t “Lady Gaga or something.” The marquee reads “Harry Styles—SOLD OUT” in bold lettering. Alani retches into her bag.

********

“Oh, for fucks saaake!” Harry shouts playfully, the sound of his obscenities echoing throughout the large venue.

Mitch and Adam chuckle beside him and continue setting up their equipment while Sarah offers a comedic “badum-tss” on her drum set.

“Okay then at that point, stage lights will come down and it’s ‘Meet Me in the Hallway’,” the technical director speaks into his earpiece.

Harry nods and watches the screen behind him roll through the animation that will play during the song.

“Alright, then it’s—”

“Wait,” Harry interjects over the mic. “Sorry, can we run it?”

“Run ‘Meet Me’?”

“Yeah,”

Mitch tenses listening to the conversation that filters through his own inner ear piece, but he continues fiddling with the strings of his guitar.

“Running ‘Meet Me’,” the director affirms. “Sarah, stand by.”

Harry’s eyes dart over to Mitch and he nods as a sign to begin. The guitarist clears his throat and strums the opening chords.

Meet me in the hallway

“M’gonna go wait in the hall…”

Meet me in the hallway

“Give you some space to think and then we’ll talk, yeah?”

I just left your bedroom

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

Give me some morphine

“I hope you got all the material you wanted.”

Is there any more to do?

“Please don’t go.”

Just let me know and I’ll be at the door, at the door

Hoping you'll come around

Just let me know I’ll be on the floor, on the floor

Maybe we’ll work it out

********

“Maybe I shouldn’t go,” Maleah offers. “I can catch a return flight tomorrow,”

Alani sits up in her bed and shakes her head. “No, Mi, it’s okay. I’ll be fine,”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. It’s probably just a stomach bug or something,”

Maleah gives her friend a tight squeeze and pulls away to read her face. “Let me know if you need anything, I’ll come right back,”

“Thank you,” Alani says, forcing a smile. “I’m so sorry to put a damper on your last day.”

“Nah, there’s nothing to worry about. Feel better soon, Nani.”

The door closes softly and Alani burrows deeper into the covers. She tries to bury the emotion back under a lock and key, but a gentle sob fights its way up her chest. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, she cries, but maybe it was. Just as the sun rises and sets, so had Harry entered and exited her life, and maybe that’s exactly how it was meant to be. After all, Alani had gotten exactly what she wanted, hadn’t she? So why does it still hurt?

The snow falls gently outside of her window, but the entire scene blurs into shades of white and grey behind her tears. It had snowed just like this on the day she moved to the city. Shortly after the article about Harry had been published by a small gossip site, Alani had contacted the publishers and threatened litigation if they didn’t take it down. Unsurprisingly, they had also been contacted by Columbia Records and thus, the piece was removed that same day. Despite the quick turnaround, Rolling Stone had caught wind of the storm brewing on social media and reached out to Alani a few days later. They had been impressed that the elusive Harry Styles granted her an interview, but they didn’t push the matter much further. Instead, they had offered her one piece of her choosing to prove herself. If the reviews were favorable, she would be given a regular contributor spot, unpaid of course. They would re-evaluate at the beginning of the new quarter and negotiate from there. When January of 2017 rolled around, Alani’s writing was making surprising waves in the Rolling Stone community, so she had been hired on as a junior writer and assistant to the Editor in Chief. The pay wasn’t great, but it was a leap in the right direction.

Despite everything that had changed in a year, a string of random letters on a building that Alani passed a million times had brought her emotions right back to the day she had tried so hard to forget. Her phone buzzes under the covers and she reaches out a hand to locate it. Her editor’s name appears and she answers it quickly.

“Hello?”

“Darling, hello! Where are you?”

“Oh my god,” Alani groans. “Vanessa I’m so sorry,”

“Is everything okay?”

Alani sits up and clears her throat. “I have food poisoning,”

“Christ, from where?”

“Bisous,”

Vanessa sighs. “Poor thing. Okay, no worries we’ll just reschedule,”

“I’m so sorry, I’ll make it up to you,”

“No need to be sorry, get some rest and we’ll catch up later!”

The call ends and Alani gawks at the time. 7:30 already? She slumps back under the covers and sifts through her social media, wincing when she sees several of her friends posting about the line outside of Madison Square Garden. No, Alani decides sternly when the sudden urge to go stirs in the pit of her stomach, absolutely no fucking way.

********

“10 minutes!”

Harry scans the crowd from the monitor backstage. He pinches his lower lip between his index finger and thumb as the nerves settle in.

“The house is packed,” Jeff comments with a hand on the singer’s shoulder. “And there’s still a crowd outside,”

“We did it?”

“You did it,”

So why does it still hurt?

“Thanks for everything,” Harry says, bringing his manager in for a hug. “Couldn’t have done it without you.”

Jeff pats Harry on the back. “All in a day’s work for the dream team.”

Before heading out, Harry stops one of the crew members and asks if any of the guests on his list have arrived yet. Names are read off, friends from different inner circles over the years, but there’s one name in particular that isn’t called. He offers a thumbs up and a forced grin before making his way to the stage.

It always surprises the technical crew at every venue that Harry has specific lighting requests for the house. Performers had their individual preferences, this wasn’t unusual, but no one made a bigger deal about being able to see the crowd like Harry did. He enjoyed being able to see each person and connect with them, especially when performing an album that was as personal as this one. But in every sea he searched, one face was always missing. Tonight’s audience, much to his disappointment, was no different.

The crowd cheers as “Sweet Creature” fades out and the lights on stage dim. More than half of the show has already gone by and they’ve reached the point that is always a little harder to get through. Harry takes a swig from his water bottle and clears his throat to fight the lump that forms. He breathes in deeply and “Meet Me in the Hallway” begins, but no matter how hard he tries to focus on the technical aspects of his performance, it’s nearly impossible not to get dragged back into the moment when the song was written.

“I should go back,”

“H, I don’t know if that’s such a good—”

“I have to go back.”

And so he had. After two hours of pacing the airport lounge, Harry had jumped into an Uber and sped back to the hotel. It had taken another agonizing twenty minutes to explain his situation to the front desk workers and retrieve his old room key, but it was no use. He was too late. The bed was still unmade, but there was no sign of Alani save for the faint scent of Baby Honey and a gold necklace tucked away between the sheets.

The flight back to the mainland had already departed by the time Harry stumbled through the hotel lobby, and there wouldn’t be another one for three more hours. In the meantime, he decided to get some fresh air and clear his mind, hoping all the while that he would find Alani at the edge of the beach waiting to run back into his arms. She never did, and he was left with all the words he wished he had said.

I walked the streets all day

Running with the thieves

‘Cause you left me in the hallway

Just take my pain away

Just let me know and I’ll be at the door, at the door

Hoping you'll come around

Just let me know I’ll be on the floor, on the floor

Maybe we’ll work it out

********

“Great show,” praises Rob Sheffield, author of one of Harry’s favorite books, Love is a Mix Tape. “Drummer’s incredible,”

Sarah beams and Harry flashes her a grin. “Thanks. It’s Sarah’s band, really. I’m just the frontman,”

“Well she kicked ass. All of you did, and I can tell by the way the floor was shaking that I’m not the only one who thought so.”

“Thank you so much, that means a lot.”

More guests filter in and congratulate Harry and the rest of the band, but while he sincerely appreciates all of the love, he can’t help the way his eyes flicker to the door every once in a while in the hope that someone else will straggle in. He slowly loses that hope when the room empties and the night drags on.

********

This isn’t ethical, Alani chastises herself, this is wrong on every level and you’re gonna pay. She runs her fingers over the Rolling Stone press badge in her hand and stares at the marquee towering over her. What the fuck are you doing?

“Excuse me!” Alani calls when she sees an employee slip through a side door. “Hi, I know I’m really late but I’m actually here with Rolling Stone,”

The blonde-haired woman blinks and scans over the badge with an unamused look on her face.

“Nice try,”

“No, wait,” Alani begs. “I have to get in there, please—”

“You and every other girl within a twenty-five mile radius.”

Alani takes a deep breath and re-groups. “You don’t understand. I really need to get back there, I’m working on an important piece,”

As the struggle continues, another woman in stiletto heels exits through the side door with a clipboard in tow.

“My name is Alani Hale, see? Please just—”

“Wait,” the woman with the clipboard intervenes. The name sounded strangely familiar, probably from the blacklist, in which case security would need to be notified. “What did you say your name was?”

Alani holds her badge out and swallows hard. “Alani Hale, junior writer for Rolling Stone.”

The woman checks through the blacklist but the name isn’t registered. She does a cursory glance over the V.I.P section and her finger lands on a note that reads “Mahealani ‘Alani’ Hale—Code Carolina: escort backstage and inform Mr. Styles immediately.”

“Follow me, please,”

Alani trails behind, doing her best to keep up with the long strides of the woman with the clipboard.

“Marta to security, I have a Code Carolina,” she murmurs into her ear piece. “Repeat, I have a Code Carolina.”

Alani’s heart races as they zig-zag through the arena. Did Harry know that she was coming? Had Mitch told him that they saw each other at Bisous? The answer was no, Mitch hadn’t told and Harry didn’t know. He had only hoped. Unbeknownst to Alani, her name was printed on the Madison Square Garden list and on every list of every show in all the countries scheduled. Through Paris and all through Rome, Harry had looked for her face in the crowd and he dreamed that one day his efforts wouldn’t be in vain.

“Wait here,” Marta instructs, leading Alani to a back room with mirrors, a couple of couches, and a clothing rack. “Someone will be with you shortly.”

Before she can ask any questions, Marta is gone and the sound of her heels echo down the hall. Alani takes a deep breath and her lungs are immediately filled with the familiar scent of vanilla. Her eyes carefully rake over the scene and land on a familiar white shirt hanging on the rack and the words “Enjoy Health, Eat Your Honey.”

“Thief,”

“I meant to return it.”

Alani spins on her heel and Harry stands with his fists shoved deep inside the pockets of his flared pants, eyes cast down at the floor. She tugs on the sleeves of her coat and offers a shy smile.

“It’s okay, looked better on you anyway.”

A brief silence follows and they size each other up like it’s a gunfight, each waiting to see who will draw first. His hair is longer and curlier, Alani notices, chest and shoulders broader, too. But there’s a familiarity in his creased brow and in the heart shaped curve of his cupid’s bow. Harry does his own inventory; dark, almond shaped eyes, check. Round face, cinnamon skin, check and check. Her long, wavy locks are now shoulder length, but he’d recognize the scent of Baby Honey anywhere. The two are absorbed in their own silent assessments for a moment longer, but Alani quickly gets the urge to flee after she counts too many similarities between this Harry and the one that left her with a broken heart.

“I should go,” she croaks, taking a step back. “I shouldn’t have come—”

“Why did you?” Harry asks earnestly.

Alani tugs at a loose thread on her sleeve before crossing her arms. “Saw your name outside and got curious. For a while there, I started to think that maybe I imagined you,”

Harry doesn’t know what to do with the knowledge that he had haunted her as much as she had plagued him. He had spent so long believing that he meant nothing to her, but nevertheless, a part of him left room for her return.

“You did, this is a hologram projection,”

Alani smiles and her shoulders relax at his humor. It really was him.

“Did you enjoy—”

“I didn’t see the show—” they speak at the same time, eager words overlapping.

“Oh,” Harry laughs softly. “You didn’t miss much,”

Alani shakes her head and takes a single step forward. “No, that’s not true. I’m sure it was amazing,”

Harry offers a coy grin, the shadow of a dimple on his left cheek. One hand emerges from his pocket and his knuckle brushes against the tip of his nose. Alani catches sight of the silver rose on his finger and she still remembers how it feels under the pad of her thumb.

“Are you hungry?” he asks softly, pulling her from her reverie.

“What?”

“Have dinner with me?”

Alani blinks, her throat suddenly dry. “Oh. Well I don’t know, I don’t wanna interrupt—”

“Never an interruption,” Harry assures her.

She nods and he takes a step back.

“M’gonna go change,” he explains. “I’ll just be a minute.”

“What, you don’t wear custom Marc Jacobs suits to dinner?” She teases.

He grins, amused, and continues backing away towards the door before correcting her. “It’s Gucci.”

Alani rolls her eyes and he disappears into the hallway.

When Harry reemerges in a beanie, puffy coat, and light wash denim jeans, he leads them through a series of tunnels and exits.

“Where are we going?” Alani asks, bracing herself for the snow outside.

“It’s a surprise.” he offers and she doesn’t fight him on it.

********

“We’re not eating here?”

A soft smile falls on Harry’s lips. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed her incessant questioning.

“No,” he replies, opening the passenger door with one hand and passing her the bag that contains their dinner. “Too crowded,”

“Oh,”

It made sense that Harry would want to keep a low profile and avoid any possible paparazzi sightings of the two of them, but it still felt strange to worry about such things after they had lived so carefree in Hawai’i. But that was then, and this was now, things had inevitably changed.

“D’you wanna play some music?” Harry asks, settling behind the wheel. The parallels between this moment and their first excursion together make her chest tighten.

“How about,” Alani starts. “Your album? Since I didn’t get to hear it live,”

Harry’s breathing hitches. “Well, I dunno—”

“Please?”

He meets her pleading eyes momentarily and, against his better judgment, agrees.

“What’s it called?” she questions.

“It’s just my name,”

“Self-titled, very classy. I like it,”

“I thought about calling it Sign of the Times,” Harry reveals. “But it’s already been done before,”

Alani hums. “Prince,”

“Yeah,” he nods. “But then I also thought about going with ‘Pink,’ because, you know, when in doubt—”

“Go with the pink one,” they say in unison and Alani smiles softly. How had he remembered that?

“And it’s the only true rock ‘n roll color,” she continues.

Harry beams. “Exactly. But then Jeff suggested that we just go with the name. Simple, but effective,”

“Okay, so now that we’ve got the background,” Alani pokes. “And you’ve sufficiently distracted me, can I listen now?”

He swallows and checks the GPS, still twenty-five minutes to go.

“How about we hold off,” he suggests. “Just for now so we can listen to the full thing and really soak it in?”

Alani backs off. “Alright, deal.”

She presses shuffle on the playlist of her frequently played songs for the month and immediately regrets doing so. Clearing her throat, she goes to press skip but Harry stops her.

“S’a good one.” he says gently, so Alani lets Adele fill the awkward space.

If you’re gonna let me down

Let me down gently don’t pretend

That you don’t want me

Our love ain’t water under the bridge

********

Harry opens the passenger door and Alani steps out, her eyes squinting to make out any recognizable landmarks in their surroundings. They remain a comfortable two feet apart and make their way to the entrance of what appears to be some sort of greenhouse. Alani is filled with more confusion, but she doesn’t ask further questions until they reach the white double doors.

“What?” Harry questions. “Never been to the New York Botanical Garden?”

Alani’s eyes widen. “The—wait, you—we’re?”

“After you,” he chuckles lightly, opening the doors.

“Are we even allowed? I mean is it open?”

“I pulled some strings,”

She enters cautiously, immediately met with an archway of blush colored flowers and string lights that takes her breath away. A long, narrow pond in the center reflects the image back and creates a kaleidoscope of pink, green, and golden hues.

“How did you,” Alani begins, at a complete loss for words. “Who are you?”

Harry nods in the direction of an adjacent hallway. “There’s a ballroom set up for a wedding tomorrow night, but Jim said we could crash as long as we clean up after ourselves,”

“Jim?”

“The director.”

“Of course.”

Sure enough, round tables with cream colored tablecloth and elaborate floral centerpieces are arranged around the room. A delicate, yet undoubtedly expensive, chandelier twinkles in the center of the room and casts such a warm glow that Alani momentarily forgets about the snow outside.

“Dig in,” Harry instructs, setting the pasta on the table in front of them.

Alani sits and gently sheds her winter coat as he does the same. Underneath his jacket, Harry wears a yellow shirt that catches her eye with the words “treat people with kindness” printed in black lettering. She freezes when she spots a gold chain with a sun and moon pendant nestled comfortably between above the words.

“How is everyone?” Alani questions politely to shift her attention. “Mitch, Tom, Jeff,”

“They’re good, yeah,” he nods. “How’re Freddie and your family?”

“They’re fine, and he’s living his blissful little life,”

“Good for him. Miss his cuddles,”

And yours, Harry thinks, but he pulls back. Alani offers a shy laugh and thinks about the elephant in the room yet to be addressed: the break-up. It’s worth discussing, but she sure as hell isn’t going to be the one to bring it up.

“And how’ve you been?” Harry asks when the silence stretches out for too long.

Alani chews and ponders the question. “Good. Been working a lot,”

“Where at?”

“Rolling Stone,”

“Really?” he beams. “That’s incredible, congratulations,”

“Thank you,” she replies graciously.

Harry’s chin rests in his palm and he twirls a noodle around his fork. “So you live here?”

“Yeah, in the Village,”

“Wow. Greenwich Village, a real city-slicker now. Traded Stevie in for the Holland Tunnel?”

A bittersweet smile spreads across Alani’s lips at the memory of her beloved Bronco. “Sadly, yes. And you?”

“Malibu,” Harry divulges. “I hate the cold.”

“It’s not so bad. You can always cuddle up with the giant rats,” she jokes, which makes his nose scrunch.

“I’m just gonna pretend you didn’t say that,”

“Speaking of pretend,” Alani wiggles her brows. “You were in a movie after all,”

“I was,”

“I didn’t watch it, sorry,”

Harry feigns offense and Alani quickly back pedals. “I don’t like war movies!”

“And you hated my guts.” he teases, though it pains him that there might be some truth to his words.

Alani shakes her head and fights the urge to reach across the table for his hand. “No, not really. It was kind of the opposite, actually.”

Harry’s eye wanders to the outside of Alani’s wrist and a faint smile creeps across his face when he spots the black outline of a crescent moon. He wonders if there are any new inked designs that he isn’t aware of. Despite all the time that has elapsed, there is a familiarity in her presence that he hadn’t felt even in the comforts of his California residence. It was like kicking off your shoes in the doorway after a long trip. It was like coming home.

They finish their meal and continue their light-hearted banter into the night. Harry tells his favorite stories from tour and Alani wishes more than anything that she could have been there. She details the events of her own busy life in New York and the highlights of working for Rolling Stone, one of which being the time that she got to meet Stevie Nicks in the flesh.

“Did you tell her about your car?” Harry presses enthusiastically.

“No way,” Alani chuckles, draining the last of her drink. “I wasn’t gonna embarrass myself in front of the Supreme,”

“I think she would’ve found it flattering,”

“Naming your child after someone is flattering, not a car,”

Harry shrugs. “I think it’s cute,”

“Yeah well,” Alani sighs. “You’re not like most people,”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She mulls it over, studying the familiar sea glass irises that she never thought she’d see again. What had Alani meant by that statement? Truthfully, she didn’t know if she could put it into words, nor had she meant to say them in the first place. But something about Harry always made her feel brave, like she could speak her mind uncensored and he would understand without even trying.

“I just meant that you’re, you know,” she starts. “Not judgemental. Like, I could tell you that I think I’m part alien and you’d probably try to help me find my home planet,”

Harry laughs and leans forward with his elbows on the table, an unspoken challenge for Alani to continue her thoughts.

“You make people feel seen and heard,” she says finally with a wistful look in her eye. “I mean, why do you think all those people lined up to see you tonight?”

The last part of her statement is a deflection from what she really wants to say, which is that Harry makes her feel seen and heard. Despite all the time and space between them, it was still true and it terrified her. There was only so much bravery that Harry’s presence could evoke. The mood shifts suddenly when Alani’s phone buzzes and the name “Mason” with a pink heart emoji lights up the screen next to her glass of water. Harry hadn’t meant to look and he deeply regrets that he did.

“You have a boyfriend,” he comments dejectedly, and though he hadn’t meant it to be accusatory, all words carry the sting of judgment when falling on guilty ears.

“Oh, and I’m sure you’ve stayed celibate this entire time,” Alani bites back.

Harry’s brow furrows. “I wasn’t—I didn’t mean—”

“I’m sorry, this was a mistake,” she apologizes, standing with her coat.

“Wait,” he jumps up. “What just happened?”

“I have to go—”

“Just stop for a minute, please,”

Alani stops in her tracks and turns back to face Harry slowly. His jaw is tight and the crease between his eyebrows is deeper than she remembers.

“I’m sorry,” she begins carefully. “Thank you for tonight, but I really shouldn’t be here—”

Harry’s eyes clamp shut and he runs a frustrated hand through his messy curls.

“Can you stop acting like you’re doing me a favor by leaving and just talk to me?”

“What do you want me to say?” Alani pushes back. “‘I’m sorry that I saw your name in flashing lights and I got caught trying to spy on you’?”

“Alani—”

“‘I’m sorry that I tried to move on’?”

“Stop apologizing—”

“I’m sorry that I fell in love and fucked it all up because I was afraid and I’m sorry that I betrayed the one person who meant everything to me,”

Silence falls between them and the only sound is the sniffling of Alani’s nose as she tries, and fails, to hold back the emotions that pour over.

“That’s why I went,” she continues, voice wavering. “Because I’m selfish and I couldn’t stay away. Every single day, I’m reminded of how royally I screwed everything up and it tears me apart, so I went to try to make things right and take some of that pain away. Even though I hurt you and there’s nothing I can ever do to change that,”

Harry swallows hard and his eyes sting, but Alani speaks up again before he can respond.

“So please,” she begs. “Please, just let me finally do something right by you and let me go,”

He takes a cautious step forward and shakes his head. “I don’t want to,”

They both hold their breaths, anticipating the other person’s next draw.

“And maybe that makes me selfish too,” Harry adds. “‘Cause I went back that day, back to the hotel,”

Alani blinks. “You did?”

“Yes,” he nods. “Because I wasn’t mad that you published the article, I was scared that it was the only reason you were with me—”

“Harry—”

“But then I realized that I didn’t care,” he laughs dryly. “Because I still loved you, and I figured that having you— having just a little bit of your heart and your attention—was worth it, even if you didn’t really love me back,”

He takes another step forward and the toes of their shoes nearly touch. “And maybe I’m being selfish now by asking you to stay, but you’re not the only one trying to get rid of the pain,”

Alani takes a shallow breath and studies the eagerness in his eyes. The sight makes her chest pound.

“I’m sorry that I ever made you doubt,” she whispers. “But I meant every word I said, you were everything to me. You were the sun that my life revolved around and I was terrified of losing you because the truth is that I hate the cold, too,”

Harry gently reaches a hand up to her cheek and Alani leans into the warmth of his touch.

“Can I show you something?”

You and your goddamn surprises. “Yes.”

He leads them down several winding hallways before flicking a light on in the gallery. Alani’s heart stops when she sees it.

“Not quite as impressive as the real thing,” Harry offers. “But Ms. O’Keeffe did a pretty damn good job,”

An original Georgia O’Keeffe painting of a waterfall, their waterfall, the one that Alani had mentioned all that time ago, is displayed proudly on the wall before them. A replica had hung above the bed they shared on many nights and all at once a faint memory resurfaces.

“Where did you say the original was?”

“New York Botanical Garden,”

“M’gonna take you one day,”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Alani takes a step closer to the artwork and examines the details of the oil on canvas. A few steps behind, Harry is only concerned with her reaction and pays little attention to the piece of art on display. As far as he was concerned, Alani was the only one worth admiring.

“Do you remember what you told me when I asked why you went to the falls to write?” Alani asks.

Of course Harry had, but he remains silent to let her continue.

“You said that you liked going there,” she adds, deliberate. “Because it made you forget about every bad thing that ever happened to you, because none of it was real in comparison to the feeling of standing in front of that waterfall,”

Harry nods gently, but he still doesn’t speak.

“Do you know what that feeling is called?”

“No,”

“It’s called home,” Alani says softly, turning to face him. “It’s what I felt, what I feel, when I’m with you,”

His breath hitches and he stands frozen as she carefully walks toward him.

“And while we’re making wishes come true,” she smiles delicately. “I never told you what I wished for the day we saw that rainbow,”

“What did you wish for?” Harry searches.

Alani’s eyes fall to his parted lips. “That you would kiss me.”

His mouth curls at the edges and he releases a long breath. “Think maybe I can deliver on that one, too.”

Harry leans in, ever so slightly, and Alani closes the gap. They had been standing mere inches apart, but the meeting of their lips bridges an entire chasm. Over and over again, like waves against the shore, their mouths collide desperately as they pull each other closer with no intentions of ever letting go.

********

February 14, 2018

“Comment est le temps?”

Alani peers up at Harry and shields her eyes from the sun behind his back. “What does that mean?”

He grins softly and kisses the top of her head before taking a seat on the balcony next to her.

“Means ‘how’s the weather?’,”

“Oh,” she leans over, lips puckered for a kiss. “Full of perfectly Parisian sunshine,”

“Try sayin’ that ten times fast,”

Alani swipes his pink, heart shaped sunglasses and slips them onto the bridge of her nose with a contented sigh. Ahead, the Eiffel tower stands proudly in the distance and the lenses of her glasses tint the entire scene in a picturesque rosy glow.

“La Ville de L’amour,” she hums. “Did I say that right?”

“Oui,”

“Hey, you know what I saw on the room service menu?”

Harry shakes his head. “No, what?”

“Piña coladas,” Alani wiggles her brows. “Think they deliver at midnight?”

He chuckles lightly and his hand takes purchase on her knee. “They better,”

“Never had a Parisian piña colada. Sounds romantic, though.”

“Sure does, sweets.”

Alani stands and reaches for Harry’s hand. He accepts and rises to his feet, pulling her close. Below, the sounds of the city serenade them as they gently sway in the chilly breeze. When Harry feels Alani shiver, he hugs her to his chest and rests his chin comfortably on the top of her head. She feels his steady heartbeat against her cheek and smiles softly, fingertips smoothing up and down his back.

“Are you ready for Valentine’s Day surprise number one?” he asks, pulling away slightly to meet her eyes.

She narrows her eyes. “Where are we going?”

Harry pulls back with a mischievous smile, hands still attached to hers, and leads them back inside.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Alani giggles but she doesn’t push. Instead, she happily follows him out of their room, down the hall, and into the bustling streets of Paris.

We don’t know where we’re going

But we know where we belong

And oh we started

Two hearts in one home

It’s hard when we argue

We’re both stubborn

I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature

Wherever I go, you bring me home

Sweet creature, sweet creature

When I run out of road

You bring me home

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #ybmh #so!!!! that's all folks <3

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 3 years

Text

Inked

Still on hiatus. But I found an old piece of writing and I revamped it just a smidge! It was originally published in 2018 on calumh-excess. Which is now deactivated. Hooray for finding pieces!

Calum's been watching Jay for a while. She's cute, talented, but a bit of mystery. Should he really give into her? What will it take for him to admit he has a crush?

Enjoy my masterlist (on hiatus)

______________

He watched her sometimes for far too long. The way her tongue stuck out as she pulled the skin and her hand worked steadily with the needle made it hard for him to resist. Her face always seemed to catch the harsh fluorescent lights and reflect it back so that it twinkled against her skin. A slight sheen, but nothing just of ethereal. He wasn’t even interested in any new ink, not seriously anyway. He had slowed on the ink train, but the shop his tattoo artist owned was a nice place to hang out sometimes. When he wanted to get out of his house but didn’t want to actually go somewhere, he could hang out here, listening to the buzz of the tattoo gun, poke his hand at trying a design here or there. They weren't great. He hadn't considered him this kind of artist, but the shop felt like a second home.

Besides, having her around was a more than welcomed bonus.

He wasn’t even sure what it was about her. She showed up about a year and a half ago, under an apprenticeship. Calum’s artist was unsure of her, much like everyone else that asked to work under him. A hazard of the job, according to the job, according to Calum's artist. However, her drawings spoke volumes; the colors and line work were impeccable. She had talent and knew it without being cocky about it. Well, sometimes she wasn’t. Calum watched her run into the occasional asshole that tried to belittle her; she always put her foot down in those situations. He didn’t fault her.

Today’s no different. When Calum walks in, he greets the guy at the front desk, eyes searching for her. He spots her in the back with her oversized frames creating a small glare over her brown eyes. He never quite got the appeal of the grandma-shaped glasses trend, but on her, they worked. She looked wise but soft. The glass pulled him in, felt like she was seeing into his soul. Maybe she was; maybe the pain made people more vulnerable than they anticipated--entrusting someone, a stranger in some ways, to permanently mark you and not fuck it up. Whatever the reason, looking at her felt timeless. Like she had seen it all, and you are just waiting for you to spill all the secrets.

“You finally going to get some new ink?” Calum’s artist teases.

Calum shakes his head, turning his attention away from her. “You finally took her training wheels off?”

“Your girlfriend’s got mad skills. I couldn’t baby her forever. Jay works hard on each piece, learned fast. Got a steady ass hand and pretty gentle for handling a needle.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Yeah, because you haven’t hardly even talked to her. Go for it, you wuss. What’s the worst she says? No?”

Calum exhales a chuckle. "I mean, the worst she stabs me with the tattoo gun. But considering the ink I'm already sporting, I doubt that's really all that bad.”

“Jay would not do that unless you asked for it, ff course. But really, go on, ask her out.”

Calum glances back at Jay. It’s a nickname. No one in the shop calls her by her full name. The only reason Calum heard it was when a client came asking for her. Jay was quick to correct them.

She wipes, clearing excess ink, before dipping back into the small cup. Jay smiles up at her client. Calum's sure they appreciate the reprise. Getting tattoos weren't always fun, but bearable enough to forget about it and get more.

Calum turns his gaze away. “I recommended you to a friend,” he says, hoping that he’ll escape the teasing. It’s not likely to happen. But at least he tries to minimize the ridicule.

"I appreciate it. Are they a first-timer?"

"A second-timer, but they're visiting town and want some new ink. I figured best not to fuck them over."

The two men laugh before Calum's escorted back to look through some new designs. Just in case something sparks his interest. Calum's visit is supposed to be short, but there's not much else on his to-do list for the day. He could kill a few hours here.

When Calum comes out from the back, after spending too much time pretending art was ever a talent of his, he looks for Jay again. She’s not in her corner, nor is she at the front. Calum shrugs, figuring she might have gone for lunch, or home depending.

As Calum walks to his car, he checks his phone. Nothing major's happened.

“Leaving so soon?” A voice states. Calum knows that voice, a little gravelly, mostly sweet. He’s dreamt of it every so often. He prays to hear it when he visits the shop.

He turns to Jay, who leans against the bricks. A vape is wrapped in her fingers. “Gotta get some dinner, maybe make a run to the grocery store," Calum returns. "I've gotten lazy."

She nods. “This reminds me that I can't survive off BLTs forever," she laughs.

"You could try, but I think you'd need other vegetables and some fruit in that mix too."

She pushes up on her glass with a nod. "Ah, yes, gotta get the whole food pyramid." It goes silent between them and Calum gives another nod, raising a few fingers to signal his departure while still keeping his phone in a secure enough grip.

"Hey, wait!" Jay calls out again, taking a half step forward. Calum turns to her. "Can I give you something before you leave?”

Calum nods, not trusting his voice. What would she give him? She nods back to the front door, taking back that initial half-step. “It's inside. Give me like two minutes.”

She disappears inside and Calum stands, his phone still in his hands, staring at the spot she once stood. Just as quickly as she disappeared, Jay reappears. In hand is her portfolio. She flips through before stopping and slides the heavy-duty drawing paper out.

Calum stares down at the green and black drawing. It’s his face, for the most part, that stares back at him. It’s distorted by a crystal ball that glows green. Inside are some instruments and something else, but right now he can’t really put it all together. His eyes keep moving over the lightning bolt, the crystal ball, the uncanniness of his face on a piece of paper, his three-dimensional face somehow translated perfectly into a 2-D space.

“Holy shit, this is amazing,” he breathes. “Thank you,” he says looking back up to her.

She shrugs with a smile. “You’re welcome.”

“Seriously, this is so fucking awesome. I’m going to frame it,” he gushes. He’s too excited to be nervous, or be embarrassed. "What are the dimensions?"

“I'm just really glad you don’t find it too creepy. I was watching you a couple weeks ago when you stopped by. It just sort hit me, the image of the crystal ball and lightning bolt; I had to draw it,” Jay elaborates. "And it's 8.5 by 11--standard printer paper size."

Calum shakes his head, staring over the drawing again. It feels so delicate suddenly in his hands. It’s almost like Jay recognizes the change in his handling. She shuffles her load in her hands and pulls out an empty plastic over. “Here,” she laughs handing it over. “So it doesn’t smudge or anything if you're worried."

Calum slides it in. “Thank you. Again. Seriously.”

“You’re welcome, Calum. Good luck with your grocery store trip and dinner,” Jay nods and then heads back inside. Calum watches the way the denim stretches across her hips, the way her hair billows just a little in the breeze of her strut.

For a moment, Calum can't move. The weight of the paper in his hand is hardly ounces, but it holds him--traps him to the point of the sidewalk. Jay thought enough of him to draw him. What did it all mean? Should he have found the courage to ask her out? He could walk back inside. But what if she didn't like him like that? Would it be too weird?

Calum blinks up into the hardly settling sun and thinks to himself, the second he can come back here, it better be with a bit more courage and possibly a gift certificate. No one can be made about free food, right?

It’s months before Calum can visit the shop again. The tour is a whirlwind and he only gets a few days off between legs. Not long enough to get back home or feel like he had any energy to drive out to the shop. But now that he's settled back in at home, he knows exactly where he's going.

It’s not his typical practice to just walk in and ask for a tattoo. But given the ink already on him, worse things could happen. When he pulls open the door, he notices it's kind of slow. Jay greets him at the front desk. “Hey, stranger,” she grins.

“Hey, how are you?” he asks in return.

“Pretty good. How was it? The tour? See any cool places?”

He nods. “Yeah, got to explore a few cities.” He taps his fingers against the wooden desk. “Do you have an appointment anytime soon?”

Jay shakes her head. “My 2 o’clock had to reschedule. I’m here until 4 before I see anyone. Why? What's tickling your fancy?”

“I was wondering if you could do a tat for me? I know this is very last minute and if you need me to come in another day this week, I totally can.” His words run into each other; his palms start to sweat. He wipes them on his jeans.

Jay laughs, holding up a hand. “Whoa, pump the brakes. One, what are you looking for?”

“You know that drawing you did for me?” She nods. “I was kind of hoping you could create something with just the crystal ball and lightning bolt. I know the drawing itself is kind of big.”

A grin lifts her cheeks; Calum’s heart settles for a second. “I think I can do that. Where are you thinking to put it?”

“Inner bicep.” He watches her gaze land on his arm. The t-shirt is baggy, he at least thought about that with enough advance.

“Give me 30 minutes to come up with some sketches.” Jay pushes away from the front desk and heads to the back, but not for calling to the shop to watch the front desk.

Calum slides into the seat at the front, leg bouncing as he settles down. This isn’t even his first tattoo, but the nerves flood his body. His scalp tingles. The thirty minutes move by too fast, but also too slow simultaneously. The seconds feel like hours but move by milliseconds.

Eventually, Jay resurfaces, waving him over to her. He walks back and looks at the sketches she places out in front of him. There are two different ones. One’s a bit more minimalistic, which is her style, with the lightning bolt in the background and a simple crystal ball at the point. The other is a bit bolder, the ball has a slightly warped edge where it connects to the bolt. It looks like the bolt is melting the glass ball.

“I can whip up more if neither one of them are quite right. But I wasn’t sure if it wanted something a bit more crisp and sharp or not,” Jay explains.

Calum admits that most of his tattoos are more cleaned up and sharp. He likes the idea of playing with a new style. “I like the second one,” he says, tapping it.

“You sure?” He nods, he’s never been more sure of something in his life. “Which bicep? Let me line it up and make sure it’ll fit.”

Calum lifts his left arm up for her. Laying the stencil over his skin, Jay notes she has to make a couple small tweaks. But after that, she’ll be ready. They discuss full color, or just outline, or shading, price, and a few other details before Jay concludes with, “Hop in my seat. I’ll be there soon.”

Calum nods and walks over to her station. Her stuff is already laid out, probably for her canceled 2 o’clock. It’s about five more minutes before Jay returns with the final stencil. Calum rolls up the sleeve of his shirt before she places the stencil. Happy with the placement, he stretches out on the table.

Jay gets herself ready before she brings the needle over his skin. The first puncture always makes him jolt a little, the first jab of pain causes his heart to race. “Do you plan on relaxing now that you're back home?"

"Yeah, for a little bit. I might go see my family, but I know we'll be back in the studio soon. Anything exciting happen while I was gone?"

"I mean exciting things happen every day at this place. But it's not like I could recall them all now."

Calum hums, acknowledging her statement, but not quite sure what to say next. Luckily, Jay's faster to fill in the silence. "You do realize you didn’t have to get a tattoo to have a real conversation with me?” Jay teases, pushing up her glasses.

Calum’s cheeks heat. “It’s not like that,” he chuckles.

“Well, that’s how it seems.”

“You were always busy when I stopped by. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Not always,” she laughs. “But it’s alright. You’re going to have plenty of time while I’m stabbing you to say all those things you didn’t.”

A chuckle escapes him; of course, Jay would have this sense of humor. “Wow, I can’t believe I’m paying so much for people just to stab me and act as a therapy. Maybe I am a masochist.”

“So are a lot of people. Sometimes you just take the emotional pain out in the physical realm.”

“I always imagined people that worked in a tattoo shop to be more heavily tatted,” Calum hums, taking in scattered ink across her arms and one pokes out from the V in her t-shirt.

“I focused it more on my back and legs and not so much my arms. I’m getting there. So, why this one today?”

Calum goes to shrug, but stops himself as he hears the gun nearing his skin again. “Not really sure. It looked cool. I guess it also serves to remind me that fate isn’t linear. There’s going to be twists and turns, maybe some trouble. And that’s okay. Don’t be afraid of the journey. Also, it's really fucking cool art.”

Jay hums her laugh, “Why thank you. Wise brain you got there. Besides, it seems like you also have people you keep close to you.” She eyes the initials and the name under the bird. “Whoever they are to you, I hope you all stay close.”

“Those are my parents' initials,” he explains. “And my sister’s name. They’ve been with me through it all--I love them dearly.”

“So sweet. I wish my parents and I were closer. I tattooed my brother’s jersey number on me. It was my first tattoo.”

“What did he play?”

“Soccer, or for your kind, football.”

“Hey now, it’s played with the feet, it makes much more sense.”

Jay laughs, wiping off excess ink. She cocks her head to the side a little, then goes back in for the black ink. “I’m only teasing. Us Americans are so dumb sometimes. Like why is our football not called something else? Literally, the only thing that happens with the feet is the running. We carry the fucking ball.”

“I’ve wondered that as well!” he laughs. "Does your brother still play?"

“Yeah, the whole knucklehead still plays for his college.”

“What position?”

Jay laughs. “I'll have you know my job as the older sister is to show up and cheer him on. Something defensive? I don’t remember off the top my head.”

“I’ll give you credit for that. I’m sure he appreciates it.”

“He does until he sees with me in face paint on and then he’s acting like he doesn’t know me. Oh, oh wait, I think remember what he does. It’s defensive,” she pauses, lips pursed together, “something fielder.”

“Defensive midfielder?” he asks.

“Yeah, that. But like I said, I show up when I can and scream. That’s it. When he’s old enough, I’ll buy him a beer after his games too.”

“How old is he?”

“Nineteen, we’re three years apart.”

“The only sibling you have?”

“Nah, got a baby sister too. She’s fifteen. If you’re impressed by my eyeshadow thank her. Because she’s the one that taught me how to do it.”

Calum finds himself staring at the red and gold coloring her eyelids. “It looks really nice,” he breathes.

“Why thank you.” She pauses to bats her eyelashes. “I even managed to get those godforsaken falsies on right too. They look good, but the raise hell.”

“I think you’re the first woman I’ve met in LA that’s not obsessed with makeup,” he notes.

“Oh, you were doing so well. There are a lot of people of who aren’t huge in the makeup scene.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he tries to backtrack. “I’m sorry. In my experience, it’s not like that. They’re hiding the fact they aren’t wearing makeup--embarrassed by it or something.”

Jay nods, pushing up her glasses yet again. “Yeah, it’s not easy. We’re told to be perfect, but in reality, we’re just like everyone. We’re human, imperfect and flaw-full and beautiful.”

“Not in spite of, but because of.”

“Exactly,” she chuckles. Silences settles in around them. Calum wonders why she said she was closer to her family, but the way she talks about her siblings doesn’t match. She’s cheering her brother on at his game; she’s sitting down to learn makeup with and from her sister.

“Can I ask a bit of a personal question?” he asks.

“What kind of personal? Do I get a lifeline?”

Cal exhales a laugh. “You can always say no.”

“Hit me with it.”

“Why say that you’re family isn’t close but you clearly take a lot of pride in your siblings?”

“An observant one on my table, I see. It’s my parents. They don’t like that I’m pansexual, say I’m going to hell. My siblings don’t fucking care. I’m still the crazy-ass sister that loves and supports them.”

With a hum of acknowledgment from Calum, it goes quiet again around them for a moment. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. He knows it doesn’t really fix anything for her; it doesn’t take away the potential years of her suffering. It’s the only thing he can offer her though. It feels right to say.

“Oh, no need for you to be sorry. It’s not like you threw me out of the house.”

“Ouch. You’re making it though right?”

“Yeah, now that I work here, things are on the up and up.”

“That’s good; I’m glad.”

“Thanks.”

“Favorite tattoo you’ve done?” he asks, wanting to hear her voice again.

“This one,” she laughs. “Though I had someone ask for a pin-up witch, which was also pretty fucking cool to do.”

Calum remembers seeing that on her Instagram. “That one was amazing! Her lips looked so good; I know that’s a strange thing to admit.”

“Don’t worry. I am quite proud of that myself.”

“Do you have a favorite tattoo on you?”

“The blue jay on my shoulder. My parents would take me on walks when I was still an infant. According to the legend, while they were sitting on a park bench a blue jay landed on me. I didn’t cry; it didn’t hurt me. It just landed for a second and then flew off. They called me Blue Jay ever since. I just shortened the nickname as I got older.” She gives one more wipe. “Finished. Check it out.”

Calum sits up, walking over to the mirror. He grins seeing the melting ball sitting against his skin. He grins over to Jay. “It looks amazing. Thank you.”

“No problem.” They head back over to her station. Jay cleans it and wraps the fresh ink. Calum carefully gets his sleeve back down with a little help from Jay. He pays their agreed price with his card, but slides two fifties over to her. “You do know that’s more than double a twenty percent tip right?”

Calum shrugs. “Is it? I’m bad at math,” he grins. “Treat your sister to a new palette or something. Treat yourself to something.”

“Thank you. Now next time, you come by, I hope we don’t talk while I’m stabbing you repeatedly.”

Calum shakes his head, a grin still on his face. Of course. He had forgotten to get the gift certificate. But possibly asking Jay to dinner wouldn't be such a bad idea. “Give me your number and I can promise the next time we talk, it won’t in your chair.”

She holds out her hand, waiting. He hands her his phone, after unlocking it. She puts her number in. She goes to hand the phone back but just before his fingers touch it, she draws it back. "I mean it--actually text me. I adore memes, dogs, TikToks, your favorite songs."

"I'll actually talk to you. I promise."

Jay hands over his phone with a smile. Calum steps outside the glass doors. Why should he wait? He could do it now. For fuck sake, the last hour had been the groundwork for a clear sign a date was absolutely an option. His fingers hovering over her name. He taps it, and then presses for a call. Holding the phone to his ear, he listens to it ring for a second.

“I can still see you, you know?” Jay laughs.

Calum turns around, catching her leaning against the front desk. “I told you the next time we talked you wouldn’t be inking me.”

“What can I help you with, Calum?”

“Dinner, tonight-- I may have ordered too many appetizers for just little old me."

Her laugh trickles in over the speaker. She drops her head, giving it a shake before looking back up to him in the afternoon sun. “I think I can help you with that. Give me the time and place."

Calum rattles off the name of a restaurant that he had been wanting to try. Nothing too upscale, but not something that would be too casual. "How does 8 sound?"

"I love it there. I'll see you at 8."

“Bye, Jay.”

“Bye, Calum.” As he walks to his car, his phone buzzes yet again. This time a text from his artist, I’m being fucking replaced, I see. I can’t be too mad since it’s Jay. Calum laughs as he slides into his car. Maybe he is getting replaced; maybe he’s not. Calum’s not sure. He is sure that he needs to figure out if he can make reservations and what to wear for tonight.

#calum hood #calum hood fanfic #calum hood blurb #calum hood imagine #calum hood 5sos #calum 5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos imagine #5sos fic #calum hood fic #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fic #5 seconds of summer imagine #h writes

47 notes · View notes

btsqualityy · 4 years

Text

BTS Second Pregnancy Series Extras: First Birthday

Author’s Note: Well guys, this is it! Almost two years, four separate series, and over 80 reactions later, I’m finally finished with the Toddler Series universe! Never did I expect that when I started the Wedding Series in August 2018, that it would blossom into an entire universe! I’m so thankful for all of the love, notes, comments, and asks that I’ve ever received in regards to this universe! I’ve grown a lot in my writing since the Wedding Series and I have you guys to thank for that! I will be doing a second round of Baby Q &A’s, just so that you guys can learn more about the second round of babies and I’ll be taking questions for that soon! After that though, I’ll be done! I hope you guys enjoy this last part!!

Kim Seokjin

“Ohh, look Carson,” you gasped as you kneeled down and handed the gift box in your hands to him.

“Do you wanna tell uncle Tae Tae thank you?” Jin said and Carson looked over at Jin, babbling loudly as he smacked the present and Jin looked at Taehyung apologetically.

“You know what he meant,” Jin chuckled.

“It’s fine,” Taehyung assured him, smiling at Carson fondly. “Anything for my little birthday twin.”

“Kade, you wanna help Carson open this one?” You asked Kaiden, who nodded rapidly and sat down on the floor next to his younger brother. You then stood up straight, moving over and standing next to Jin.

“Isn’t it crazy that he’s one today?” Jin muttered and you smiled.

“It is,” you agreed. “It’s even crazier that we have two boys.”

“Who both look like me,” Jin boasted, making you roll your eyes playfully.

“Which isn’t fair at all, by the way,” you laughed. “I feel like I’m surrounded by doppelgangers all the time.”

“What, you don’t want our sons to look like your worldwide handsome husband?” He pouted.

“No, they can look like you. As long as they don’t act like you,” you teased.

“I resent that jagi,” Jin huffed, and you reached over to smack his arm. Suddenly, you heard loud babbling and you looked down, seeing that Kaiden had gotten the wrapping paper off of the present for his brother and Carson was smacking the box of large building blocks that Taehyung had gifted him.

“He likes them!” Kaiden announced happily and you felt Jin wrap his arm around your waist.

“I love you Y/N-ah,” he whispered and you turned your head to look at him.

“I love you too,” you replied, kissing his lips firmly.

Min Yoongi

“Mommy?” You heard a soft voice whisper and when you opened your eyes, you saw Kinsley standing next to your side of the bed.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” You wondered as you sat up in bed.

“I had a scary dream,” she confessed, making your heart sink. “Can I sleep with you and Daddy and sissy?”

“Of course,” you nodded. “Come on.” You watched as Kinsley climbed up onto the bed, crawling over your body and settling down next to Kamryn, who was sleeping wildly with her arms spread out.

“What’s going on?” Yoongi muttered as he opened his eyes and lifted his head.

“Kins had a bad dream,” you explained and he nodded, silently leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to Kinsley’s forehead as she shut her eyes and drifted back off to sleep. You reached over to the nightstand and grabbed your phone, pressing the home button and gasping softly when you saw what time it was.

“What?” Yoongi asked.

“It’s 6:45am, exactly,” you smiled as you turned your phone to show him, and you could see his sleepy grin from the glow of your phone.

“We officially have a 1 year old,” he chuckled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Kamryn’s cheek, which made her stir lightly. “Happy birthday sassy girl.”

“And an almost 5 year old,” you added as you leaned down to press a kiss to Kamryn’s forehead, and Yoongi groaned.

“God, don’t remind me,” he grumbled. “They’re both growing up too fast.”

“‘Soon they’re gonna be graduating high school, going off to college, getting married,” you joked.

“I’ll choke you,” Yoongi replied but you could see the small smile on his face. You then looked down at both of your daughters, who were sleeping peacefully.

“You ever thought we’d end up like this?” You questioned out of pure curiosity

“Nope,” he replied instantly. “But I’m so glad we did. I love you Min.”

“I love you too Yoongs,” you smiled, leaning over the girls and kissing him softly.

Kim Namjoon

“Come on Maia,” Mason called out, holding out his hand and waiting for Maia to grab onto it before he led her further into the backyard where the rest of the members’ kids were.

“God, they’re so cute together,” Namjoon gushed from his place next to you, and you looked up at him with a giggle as you cut into Maia’s birthday cake.

“Yeah, he’s almost as obsessed with her as you are,” you teased him and he groaned dramatically.

“I can’t help it!” He exclaimed, taking a plate that you had placed a piece of cake on and handing it off to one of the guests who had come to Maia’s party. “She’s just so cute and she reminds me so much of Mase at that age.”

“Except less destructive,” you added with a laugh.

“Except less destructive,” he agreed with a nod.

“I do have to say though, he’s done an amazing job with being a big brother,” you smiled, looking over to where Mason and Maia were sitting in the grass together, Mason feeding Maia pieces of cake. “He loves being an oppa.”

“He does, even though he’s still lowkey disappointed about not being a hyung,” Namjoon chuckled.

“He’ll have to be a hyung to the other member’s kids then, because no more babies are popping out of me,” you said.

“Oh, agreed,” Namjoon nodded. “I think that now that we have our boy and our girl, our family is definitely complete.”

“Absolutely, and there’s no one else I’d rather have my family with,” you told him, wrapping one of your arms around his waist. “Love you.”

“Love you too Y/N-ah,” he grinned, leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to your lips. “Alright, now let me go make sure that Mason hasn’t let Maia get cake all over her dress.”

“Ok,” you giggled, dropping your arm and watching as he walked away from you and over to your kids. As you looked at the three of them, you couldn’t help but to think about how lucky you were to have an amazing husband and two healthy, beautiful kids.

Jung Hoseok

“Hey, don’t drag your brother like that!” You shouted towards Lennox, who frowned as he let go of Hendrix’s legs and let them hit the grass beneath them.

“He likes it though!” Lennox yelled back.

“You could hurt him,” Hobi interjected, walking over to stand in front of them.

“Sorry,” Lennox muttered as Hobi bent down and picked Hendrix up, setting him on his hip. Hobi smiled softly, reaching down with one hand and ruffling Lennox’s hair.

“It’s ok kiddo, just gotta be careful,” Hobi told him and Lennox nodded. Just then, Berkeley came running over to you.

“Mommy, can we all take pictures in the photo booth?” Berkeley asked excitedly, and you looked over towards the photo booth that was set up in one corner of your backyard. For Hendrix’s birthday, you and Hobi decided on a small party in your backyard and decided to get a small photo booth for memory purposes.

“Me, you, Daddy, Lenny and Hendrix?” You wondered and Berkeley nodded in confirmation.

“Please?” She added and you laughed.

“Sure,” you agreed before walking over to Hobi, with Berkeley following behind you. “Berk wants to take pictures.”

“Ok, come on,” Hobi said, nodding his head at Lennox as the five of you went over to the photo booth and crowded inside. You and Hobi sat next to each other on the small bench, while you sat Lennox on your lap and Hobi had Berkeley on one knee and Hendrix on the other.

“Big smiles babies,” you told them, leaning forward to press the button and watching as the countdown started. You sat back and leaned against Hobi, the five of you smiling as the camera took four photos in rapid succession. Once they were done, you all climbed out again, Lennox and Berkeley running off while you and Hobi waited for the photos to come out of the chamber.

“Wait, here they come,” you said, grabbing the photo strip as soon as it had come out of the machine. You looked over them, a wide grin coming over your face as examined it. You then turned it towards Hobi, letting him look at it too.

“Ok, that’s too cute,” he cooed, bouncing Hendrix lightly in his arms as he looked down at him. “We make a pretty good looking family, huh Drix?” Hendrix babbled loudly, making you smile at your youngest son.

“I think so too,” you nodded in agreement, reaching over and tweaking Hendrix’s nose. “We made some beautiful babies.”

“Definitely, but that’s to be expected when you’re their mother,” Hobi smiled and you blushed, leaning over and kissing him lightly. “I love you.”

“I love you too Hobi,” you replied before bending down and kissing Hendrix’s cheek. “And I love you too baby boy. Happy birthday.”

Park Jimin

“Happy birthday to you,” you started to sing as you carried Sydney’s birthday cake out of the kitchen and into the dining room, where Jimin, Noah, Sydney, and the guests who had come to her party were waiting.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Sydney,” everyone sung together. “Happy birthday to you!” You set the small cake onto the tray of Sydney’s high chair and she looked up at you and Jimin curiously.

“Blow out your candles baby,” Jimin encouraged her, pursing his lips and blowing lightly in order to get her to follow his example. She then looked back down at the cake and pursed her little lips, blowing hard and managing to blow her candle out.

“Yay Sydney!” Noah cheered, making everyone laugh and clap. Sydney then immediately dug her hands into the cake, squealing at the squishiness of it between her fingers.

“There are pre-sliced pieces of cake on the kitchen counter everyone, so you all can go grab one if you’d like one,” you announced and people began to migrate in that direction.

“Me too?” Noah questioned and you nodded.

“You too, but be careful and use both hands,” you told him and he nodded rapidly before running off. You then turned to Jimin, who was busy taking pictures of Sydney stuffing her mouth with cake.

“She’s adorable,” Jimin chuckled as he turned his phone to show you the pictures. “I can’t believe that she’s one.”

“Me either. Seems like the time has passed so much faster this time around,” you pouted.

“Tell me about it,” he huffed, sliding his phone into his pocket and looking over at you with a smirk. “Think that means that you’re ready for another one?”

“Another one?” You chuckled. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah, you know I want more babies with you,” he smirked, moving closer to you. “Give me another one that looks just like you.”

“Ok, down boy,” you joked, putting your hand against his chest. “You know I want more kids but we’ll have to talk more about it first, ok?”

“I can agree to that,” he nodded. Just before you could respond, you heard Noah’s voice shouting from the kitchen.

“I dropped my cake!” He exclaimed and you groaned softly.

“I’ll go help him,” Jimin laughed, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before walking off into the kitchen. You looked down at Sydney, who was looking up at you with cake spread all over her face and smiling at you and you couldn’t help but to think that having another baby with Jimin right now didn’t seem so bad.

Kim Taehyung

“Is it good Eli?” Taehyung chuckled, looking fondly at his son.

“God, I’m gonna hate having to clean him up after this,” you groaned, watching as Elijah messily gobbled down his small birthday cake. For Elijah’s first birthday, you managed to convince Taehyung to keep things simple so that’s why you guys had invited the both of your families, as well as the members and their families, to a small party at your house.

“He eats like his father so can you blame him?” Jin snickered, making Taehyung gasp dramatically.

“Hey!” He shouted, offended.

“He’s not lying,” Yoongi muttered in agreement.

“Ok, its my son’s first birthday and I don’t think he’d appreciate his uncles dragging his father,” Taehyung interjected.

“I think he would,” you laughed, making Taehyung gasp at you.

“You too Y/N-ah?”

“Hey, I’m mad at you right now,’ you shrugged. “It was your idea for him to wear traditional handbok but now he has cake all over it.”

“The handbok can be cleaned,” he chuckled, wrapping one arm around your waist. “But you have to admit, he looks so cute.”

“He does, and so does Spence,” you smiled, looking over at the small table where Spencer was sitting, eating cake with the other members’ kids. She had on a purple and red handbok, while Elijah wore a blue and white one.

“God, looking at them makes me want more babies with you,” Taehyung muttered and you looked over at him with a raised brow. “I know, we agreed to wait at least two years but I can’t help it.”

“We’ll get there baby,” you giggled, leaning over and kissing him. “If it makes you feel better, I want more babies with you too.”

“Good,” he grinned, his boxy smile that both of your children inherited from him on full display. “I love you jagi.”

“I love you too,” you smiled.

Jeon Jungkook

“Ok I have to admit, we look pretty freaking cool,” you confessed with a laugh as you looked over your family’s outfits. Since Aria’s birthday is a little more than a week before Halloween, you and Jungkook decided to throw a costume party for her first birthday and since you were doing most of the party planning, Jungkook had offered to figure out your costumes and you were more than a little nervous about what he would pick out.

“I told you to trust me,” he chuckled. “Dressing up as the characters from the Wizard of Oz is a great idea,” You were dressed as Dorothy, Jungkook was the Tin Man (silver face paint and all), Ava was the scarecrow and Aria had on the cutest little lion costume.

“Do you like your costume Ari?” You asked her, getting a loud squeal in return from where she stood, holding on to your bed. You reached down and picked her up, settling her on your hip as you followed behind Jungkook and walked down the stairs. Your house was filled with family and friends, all of them dressed in different costumes.

“Are we gonna sing happy birthday now Mommy?” Ava questioned as she came rushing up to you.

“Yeah, Daddy went to go get the cake from the kitchen,” you told her.

“Happy birthday to you,” Jungkook started to sing as he slowly walked out of the kitchen, holding a large sheet cake in his hands.

“Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Aria,” everyone sung. “Happy birthday to you.” Jungkook finally made it over to you, holding the cake up in front of Aria.

“Blow out your candle Ari boo,” he told her, nodding towards the cake. As you held her up some more, Aria reached out and swatted at the flame on the candle, effectively putting it out. You hurriedly reached out and pulled her hand back, checking her hand for any signs of a burn.

“Well, that’s one way to do it I guess,” Jungkook joked, making everyone laugh loudly.

“God, this child has been a menace every since she started crawling,” you huffed with a laugh as Jungkook set the cake down on the dining room table to let people cut their own pieces. “I really hope that she hasn’t inherited your fearlessness.”

“You say that as if it’s a bad trait,” he pouted.

“It’s not really, but I don’t know if I can handle a Mason,” you replied.

“We heard that!” Namjoon and his wife shouted.

“Sorry!” You yelled back.

“I have to say though, the first year with Ari was way easier than it was with Angel,” Jungkook pointed out as he nodded towards Ava and you hummed in agreement.

“True, but I’d do it all over again if I had to with you by my side,” you smiled, making Jungkook smile as well.

“I love you Y/N-ah,” he said, leaning forward and kissing you firmly.

“I love you more Kook,” you grinned, your heart feeling full with love for your husband and the both of your daughters.

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monkey-network · 3 years

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Why Shrek IS The Best

Tastes can change, you know? And it’s less about “What’s good about this now compared to before”, more of “Why would you like this now as opposed to before”? Unless allergic, you didn’t get why dark cola or hot chips tasted bad to you as a child, but when you grow up you can come to understand and appreciate it. Shouldn’t pressure yourself, that makes things worse, but things can certainly align in helping this newfound respect you get for something you’d believe you would never want again. That really is where I stand with Dreamworks’ Shrek. As a kid, while Toy Story left me traumatized for a while, Shrek left me side-eyeing with how crass and ugly it looked and I never wanted to think of it. But, as I grew up to respect animation a lot more, 2018 was where I looked back at Shrek and soon come to understand how wrong I was and how much greatness it has that I now consider it an all time great. And with it getting inducted into the Library of Congress, I thought it was finally time to present what I see in this film. Let’s do this right with...

The SOMEBODY

Now this frame has been meme’d to death. If there’s anything iconic about this film, ‘bout the franchise as a whole, it’s the exact moment when our main character charges out of his outhouse as Smash Mouth’s ‘All Star’ gets going. But this honestly just says a lot about Dreamworks’ direction from its previous films where compared to Disney that’ll take their time making the setup before getting into the hype point for its lead, Shrek gets going in one minute if we don’t count the logo intro. Not even The Emperor’s New Groove, which was going for the same tone before Shrek even released, took more of it’s time with the fairy tale aspect of it in its intro. Shrek literally wipes his ass with the fairy tale aspect before giving us the SOMEBODY, all around a minute. This frame really shows that this is sticking to the Disney formula in some way because it’s wasting no time getting into it. It represents the more brisk pace Shrek has with pulling you into what it’s gonna be about. This overall frame works in its thematic and parody aspect and I’ve yet to see anything top this exact moment, not even the greatest films I’ll ever remember.

But enough about the fact that I made a whole paragraph about this one frame of the movie. Let’s dive into what I say is a piece of the heart for this film.

The Earnestness

Speaking of Disney, you probably notice that their films have some cushioning in their presentation, like they generally don’t show things with a straightforward lens; there’s some theatrics in the way their best movies present themselves. That’s not a problem, mind you, but that helped me understand how Shrek does things very differently whether you consider it parody or not. While it throws mockery at the played out conventions associated with fairy tales, especially its most subtle jab at copyright, it doesn’t full on say fairy tales are annoying and bad. Hell, the film IS a fairy tale adapted from a fairy tale about a fookin’ OGRE that can eat lightning and kills with farts. But, it’s an accurate and earnest way to view a fairy tale from a somewhat realistic lens. Let’s take Shrek’s journey for instance.

Typically, the main character would want to experience something more; explore new horizons, prove themselves, find their calling. Shrek off the bat doesn’t need or desire any of that. He’s content with his life, beside the angry mob he casually scares off, and throughout the film he’s not interested in anything else outside getting the squatters out his swamp. He happily makes a deal with the villain of the film to exile those innocent refugees off his land so he could then build a wall to keep everybody out. Bringing up Emperor’s New Groove again, Shrek and Kuzco are the few characters I know that are actively antagonistic even when they’re forced into their situation from outside forces. However unlike Kuzco that gets to be emperor again but learns humility, Shrek is in the same spot as before but learns that there are people out here that can love him for who he is. I can’t say there’s anything grand about that, but it doesn’t need to be unlike the many Disney or any film that tries to shower you with the grandest themes. The relationships Shrek has with Donkey and Fiona are the most grounded I’ve ever seen because they’re not only natural, they’re hardly dolled up with the bells and whistles made to either drum up the biggest laughs or tug the heart strings viciously. When I think about it, I honestly could see myself in Shrek. He isn’t made to be a legend, he isn’t some secret genius or lost prince, he’s just an every-man ogre that wants to live peacefully or meet SOMEBODY that doesn’t treat as someone to be feared or disgusted at. Everything Shrek says is something anybody could or would say if they were his shoes because he, and the film in general, is the most grounded without making it all distractedly meta or genre-savvy. This is generally helped by...

The Dounkaey

Everyone’s talked about how Donkey is the best confidant for Shrek and Fiona. How he’s most true to himself to where he’s the most openly musical character in the film, and how he’s the most balanced here with his comedic vs serious moments. But I gotta say it too: Donkey is one of the greatest sidekicks ever. He’s a motormouth, but is never annoying to where you wish he left the film. The couple times he is purposefully annoying, not for a joke, is when he knows Shrek isn’t being truthful. He truly gets to know Shrek on this journey, and is the character Shrek gets to capacity to actually loosen up to, so it’s fitting that he’d be the one to push Shrek when the ogre’s sounding more vague than usual. Even when he’s harshly insulted, Donkey doesn’t take it as bad as when Shrek kept trying to shut him out again in the 3rd act after the Hallejulah sequence which is the scene in every Shrek movie where’s there a super sad song because Shrek is alone and yadda ya. I’ll get to it in a bit, but he is as much responsible in providing Fiona that seed of doubt that Shrek wouldn’t love her as the ogre she is. Donkey is the greatest friend because he wants to be there for those who are okay with him being around, and while you could give and take sidekick animals in your notable films with them in it, this film really wouldn’t have happened without him. Speaking of Fiona, I won’t retread what’s been said before like with Donkey but I did want to bring up something I haven’t seen many talk about,,,

The Love for An Ogre

I’ve seen many say the scene where Shrek overhears Fiona talk about “Who could love an ugly beast?” and misinterprets that as her talking about him as a cliched or contrived downside to the film, but I feel that a defense can be made. It personally makes sense that Shrek would misinterpret that and take it personally because 1) Who else would Fiona be talking about? 2) How would he know she was talking with Donkey? 3) Why would he just barge in on her? 4) Has no one considered that this moment is parallel to when Fiona overhears Shrek’s conversation with Donkey the night before?

Fiona is very much the antithesis to Shrek’s character where she can very much be open about what she wants but is scared at the idea of anyone figuring out who she really is. She’ll gladly be gross, kick ass, eat the young of a bird she let explode, but won’t let anyone see her true face. That’s why her curse makes sense, and why Shrek would take a fondness to her despite her initial disdain of him rescuing her. Fiona’s a character where the surface level beauty is her weakness as opposed to Shrek where it’s internal. Which is why when she overhears Shrek open up to Donkey about his societal isolation, she’s soon more comfortable around him. And it’s why when she opens up to Donkey about her looks, Shrek would unfortunately take it personal enough. I ask again, why would Shrek barge in on a conversation he wasn’t aware of or who she was talking about to not take it about anything else but him when what he heard such a cut so deep, especially from a character that bears his similar issues? It also helps that Donkey was in on it, as Shrek feels reasonably betrayed by the only other person he’s come to appreciate in his life. Contrived as it seems, it’s thematically important and appropriate to the conflict of Shrek’s character and the film overall. Don’t know how this could be conveyed any other way because it adds up at least.

I just wanna know how Shrek got to Faarquard’s and back by sunrise like did he run cuz that looked like a huge distance to travel on foot but anyways...

I’m sure things could’ve worked out if Shrek knew, either by barging in that night or through Donkey, but I think it’s fitting that the climax takes place at the wedding. After Shrek and Donkey understand their friendship, after Donkey reciprocates the Dragon’s love (more ways than one), and when Shrek grasps the mistake he made to charge over to Fuccquad’s chapel, we get to...

The End

After everything, we get to the moment where Shrek and Fiona get to share their first kiss, Fiona permanently transforms into an ogre, and we get this exchange. One of my favorite exchanges in the whole film:

Shrek: “Are you all right?” Fiona: “Well yes. But I don’t understand... I’m supposed to be beautiful.”

Shrek: “But you ARE beautiful”

We don’t need any other vows to understand their relationship was built up to this. This moment where Shrek can reaffirm Fiona’s feelings of being able to be herself in every way, because she allowed him to be himself in every way before. That’s that mutual love, baby, that just gets me every time and makes this film one of the best romance stories I know as well, even when it isn’t solely about the romance. This is Shrek’s story, and there’s nothing more touching than seeing this outcast not only get another to view him as a friend, not only someone to love, but people, if only a couple, to actually wanted to get to know him. I know Shrek 2 expands on this more, and it’s considered a golden sequel, but I will always cherish the first movie for how much it tells us off the bat while appearing as a “Take That” to Disney films. This is the genesis of Shrek feeling more accepted for himself and society and it just bears so much good commentary while being a good adventure nonetheless. Like you could say this film indeed has... dimensions? “You were trying to meme about la-”

The Conclusion

Mentioning it, I always had this thought with the conversation Shrek and Donkey had of why Shrek didn’t just “be an ogre” and pillage Fuccnut’s fortress. It’s possible Shrek could’ve taken out Faarquid himself, but that would mean being the beast he knows people have shunned him for, grabbed the torches and pitchfolks for, made him feel worse for. Shrek enjoys being an ogre, but he doesn’t like how society makes him feel lesser as an ogre. That really is what the four films have been about for him and what I’ve come to appreciate about these films personally. It can be easy to love yourself even when there are others out here that stand against you, but it’s hard to consider that anyone else could love you for who you are in spite of how you try to present yourself. But if there’s anything Shrek showed me, it’s that it’s possible. There can/will be people out here who appreciate the real you, will be there as much as you want to for them, and can help you realize more about yourself as opposed to suffering to silence eternally. Generally ideal, I know, but this film in the least offered me that thought in the most balanced way possible. It’s incredible how much of a tightrope this film has in its parody and sincerity and that makes its induction in the National Film Registry and being the first ever Best Animated Award winner pretty justified all things considered.

I know this film, the character, has been a meme over the years. As Schaffrillas mentions in his video, the direction Dreamworks made because of Shrek’s success kinda turned it into a heel people clowned on because, in theory, it was nothing but a joke with the onions and the swamp and IT’S NEVER OGRE. Then again, like I said in the beginning, tastes change. I’d say with Schaff’s masterful analyses on the film series and 3GI’s Shrek Retold and Shrekfest, the perception of the film sure enough shifted like the perception of Megamind. It’s one thing for a movie to blow people away or leave them thinking it’s horrible beyond belief, it’s another to take the time to then look back and see how those feelings have changed. For Shrek, it’s a film that was able to trudge out of the meme era to be a film many consider a strong, rewatchable, and unique. Like the beauty of Spongebob, Shrek is a considered a classic because as in the times as it appeared when it released, this film actually stood on its own with the most enjoyable and meaningful timelessness, exploring the desired love for the self, that deserves to be recognized. What else can I say, people?

It’s The Best

#Shrek #dreamworks #dreamworks animation #animation #movies #cartoons #reviews #analysis #long post #Good Stuff

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maybeimamuppet · 3 years

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let's get together

quick tw for:

alcohol, abuse mention, eating disorder mention, suicide mention

Janis first thinks she might be in love with Cady Heron on April 21, 2018.

Cady had missed her art show. She had lied to her face, said she couldn’t come. She was supposed to be out of town. And now they’re screaming at each other in the middle of the sidewalk for the whole neighborhood to see.

Janis doesn’t really know why she feels the way she does. If, say, Damian missed one of her shows, she’d be disappointed, sure. If he lied about what he was supposed to be doing while he missed her art show, she’d be angry, and hurt. She is now, but it feels more intense for some reason.

It’s not until Cady yells, “It’s not my fault you’re, like, in love with me or something!” that it finally hits her. Janis feels her chest go cold. Because Cady might be right. She feels tears tracking down her face now, tries to choke back sobs.

She vaguely hears Damian holler, “Oh NO she did not,” and the beeping of the Jazzy reversing. Janis storms over to grab her painting from the basket, throwing it to Cady as hard as she can.

“Here, you can have this. It won a prize,” she spits, clapping a hand over her mouth before any sobs can escape.

Cady tries to reach out, calling her name softly, but Janis steps away before she can.

“No, it’s fine. Really, it’s fine. Go be fine.”

She goes over to cling to Damian again, burying her face in his hair and finally letting her cries escape as he drives away. She thinks she hears Cady call her name again, but she can’t be sure.

“And I want my pink shirt!” Damian yells loudly behind them, making Janis jump. “Sorry, sweet. Let’s get you home.”

Janis looks up again for the first time when the Jazzy comes to a stop, surprised to see Damian’s house in front of them. “Why- you didn’t-“ she stutters, confused.

“I’m not leaving you alone after that, Janjan. Come on, let’s go in,” Damian says, grabbing her hand and leading her in. “I gotta go put the Jazzy in the garage, you go change.”

She trudges heavily up to his room, still crying gently. She has a pair of pajamas that she keeps at his house in case of emergency, but she just takes the bottoms and one of his big sweatshirts instead. She needs the comfort and he won’t mind.

She moves to the bathroom to take of her makeup, then back downstairs to wait for Damian to come back. She finds his mom instead, waiting for them in the kitchen.

“Hey, honey, how did it- oh, darlin’, what happened?” She asks, reaching out for a hug but not forcing it. Janis just sinks into her arms and bursts into sobs again. Ms. Hubbard hushes her gently and rubs her back, holding her so close. Janis is thankful, she could use a mom right now and Ms. Hubbard is second only to her own.

“I don’t-I can’t talk about it right-right now,” She chokes out.

“I understand, hon. Shh,” Ms. Hubbard soothes. Damian comes back at this point and takes over the hug so his mom can move again. “What kind of milkshakes do y’all want?”

“But it’s eleven at night,” Janis mutters, confused.

“Honey, you need a milkshake. Any kind you want.”

“Do you have Oreos?” She mumbles.

“Jan, you’ve known me for, like, fourteen years and you practically live here. You know we always have Oreos,” Damian chuckles into her hair, still holding her tightly. “I’ll have strawberry please.”

“Okay. I’ll bring them up in a while, you guys go get comfortable,” Ms. Hubbard says, rubbing Janis’ back one last time as they go.

“Thanks, Ma. Love you,” Damian says over his shoulder.

Damian gives her the good blanket to curl up with, letting her wrap up in it before pulling her close again so they can watch a movie together.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks softly as his mom comes up with their milkshakes. Oreo vanilla for her, strawberry for him. She pecks them both on the forehead before she goes again, telling them to come find her if they need anything.

Janis is quiet for a second, sucking down her shake furiously so she doesn’t start sobbing again. “I think- think Cady might be right, Damian,” she whispers eventually.

“Right about what?”

“I think I do love her,” she chokes out, hearing Damian inhale sharply next to her. “And she-she used it against me. She meant it as an insult. Like it’s a bad thing I might like her that way.” She can feel the tears burning behind her eyes again.

“Oh, Janjan,” Damian hums sadly, leaning against her.

“Why does this always happen? What did I do in a past life to deserve all this shit?” Janis sobs.

“I don’t know, Jan. But I do know you don’t deserve this, Cady had no right to say that to you. And I know that one day, some girl is finally going to love you the way you deserve to be loved. She’s going to treasure you, and value you, and treat you right. We’ll make it through this,” Damian says, and Janis looks to him when she notices he sounds choked up.

“Why are you crying?” She asks, now trying to comfort him.

“I hate seeing you hurt,” Damian chokes. “I’m hurt too. Cady lied to me too, but she hurt you more. She hurt my best friend and that just makes it worse.”

“Dame, you’re allowed to hurt too. You’re right, she did shitty things to you too. I just- something has to give here, none of us can keep going like this. It’s like she’s not even the same Cadd-Cady anymore. She hurt my best friend too. I’m not gonna stand for that.”

Damian rubs his eyes with a sleeve, sniffling slightly. “You’re something else, you know that?” He asks with a watery chuckle. “We can talk about this more later, we’re both exhausted, sweets. What movie should we watch?”

“You pick.” Janis says, cuddling into his chest. He always smells like cinnamon cookies, and it always makes her feel better.

He brings up Mary Poppins and settles in, holding her close. By the time Supercalafragalisticexpialidocious is playing from the TV, they’re both sound asleep, dreaming of happier times.

They’re both a little broken, but they make each other feel whole. Their parents always joked that they were platonic soulmates, and they’re starting to believe them.

———

Janis realizes she’s definitely in love with Cady Heron on May 12, 2018.

Cady had burst into the gym flanked by her Mathletes, fire of adrenaline burning in her eyes, and marched her way up to Janis and Damian to apologize. Or try to, anyway, since she got called up to claim her crown before she got a chance.

Janis watches her confusedly climb the steps onto the stage, watches Shane Oman place the tiara on her head, watches Cady start giving an impassioned speech. She laughs a little when she hears an obviously high Regina pipe up from the crowd at something Cady says.

She’s just been staring for a while, not quite listening, but snaps back when Cady looks her way and continues speaking.

“What is my fault, though, is how I treated my friend, Janis. So... I’m sorry. I lied to you and I left you out, and if we’re not friends anymore, I understand. And I’ll still treat you with dignity.”

Looking at her up there, lights shining off her auburn curls as she shatters her crown in a powerful display and hands pieces to everyone, Janis feels a sinking in her gut. She’s in love with this tiny powerhouse, and has been for a long while.

The object of her affections suddenly appears in front of her, handing her what remains of the tiara, by far the largest piece. Maybe this means something? She turns and tries jokingly to put it on Damian, but he takes it and places it on her own head. “She gave it to you, Jan,” He says, spinning her back to face Cady.

“Caddy, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. I should never have made you part of my revenge plot in the first place,” Janis mumbles, barely hearing herself over the music.

“I forgive you if you forgive me, Jay,” Cady offers with a grin. “Friends?” She adds shyly, still afraid she’ll be rejected.

“Friends,” Janis agrees. But I wish we could be more. “Do you want to go get waffles with us? We were about to leave anyway.”

“Um, sure,” Cady says, glancing somewhere to her right. Janis looks over and sees she’s looking at Aaron in the lion suit. Aaron. Of course. “Let me just go let someone know where I’m going real quick, I’ll be right back.” Cady bursts out before she dashes over to him.

Janis watches the whole interaction, feeling her heart sink when Aaron kisses Cady goodbye before pushing her gently back over to them. Maybe it’s better like this. Aaron is a great guy, he’d be able to give Cady what she deserves. Maybe Aaron is better for her.

“Let’s go!” Cady cheers, taking both their hands and leading them towards the doors, waving towards the Mathletes and the Plastics as they pass.

“I call shotgun!” Damian calls, running towards Janis’ truck. Janis is driving, obviously, so Cady slides into the back.

Janis has only been driving for a few minutes when she suddenly hears a sniffle and quiet sob come from behind her. She glances up in her mirror and sees Cady is crying.

“Guys, I’m so sorry,” she sobs.

Damian unbuckles his seatbelt and clambers into the back to pull her into a hug, Cady leaning in and sobbing into his blazer. There’s nowhere for Janis to pull over, so she just pokes a hand behind her for Cady to hold while she drives with the other.

“I should- should have apologized so much sooner, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” Cady continues sobbing. “I’m sorry about e-everything. The party and-and the Book, I shouldn’t have let it get this far- I’m so sorry,”

“Little Slice, it’s okay, we forgive you,” Damian comforts, hushing her gently.

“It’s not okay! I was so horrible,” she chokes, her voice breaking on the last word. “Damian, I’m sorry, I never apologized to you either. I should never have turned my back on you like that. And I’m so sorry about the Burn Book, I never meant it like that-“

“Caddy, shh,” Janis hushes from the front seat, pulling into a parking space at IHOP. She unbuckles her belt and joins them in the back, squishing Cady between them as she continues letting out choked sobs. “You’re acting like we didn’t play a part in this. You can’t convince me you haven’t been hurt by this, too. I never should have let you get involved with them in the first place, I never should have made you get revenge on Regina for something she did to me. I manipulated you, and I understand why you did what you did. I’m sorry.”

Damian pipes up again, adding, “Yeah, sweets. All of us did shitty stuff, all of us regret it. I’m sorry for my role in getting you to join them, and I’m sorry for yelling at you after your party. We’ve all apologized now. We can acknowledge we hurt each other, but I think now it’s time to move on and start fresh, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, guys,” Cady snuffles, hugging them both quickly before sliding out after Damian and leading them into the restaurant.

Janis sits across from the two of them once they get their table, allowing her to watch her crush a little closer. For whatever reason, Cady was given a kids menu and didn’t say anything. She just colors in the pictures quietly with the crappy crayons, showing Janis once she finishes with a proud smile. For only having two colors available, she actually did quite well.

After they order, Damian teaches Cady how to build a tower out of the coffee creamers, going so far as to steal some from the other empty tables to construct their empire. Cady’s sweet giggle once the tower inevitably falls only melts Janis’ heart further.

“So what mischief did you get up to while you were suspended, Cads?” Janis asks while they eat, realizing too late that may not be the best topic to bring up. Oh well.

“Um... I just spent a lot of time in my backyard eating ice cream. I was grounded too, so I couldn’t really do much,” Cady mumbles, but she doesn’t seem too bothered that Janis asked. “There’s a little cardinal that nested outside my bedroom window though, he’s cute. I named him Charles.”

“We love a backyard ice cream picnic,” Damian chimes in absentmindedly, making them all burst out laughing.

They continue catching up as they stuff themselves full of waffles and pancakes, laughing as Cady gets whipped cream on her nose and doesn’t notice for a solid twenty minutes.

“I have to get home soon,” Cady says sadly after a while. “I’m still grounded.”

“I’ll take you, let’s go. You got everything?” Janis says, holding out a hand to help her out of the booth.

“Yeah,” Cady says, grinning at her slightly. “I do.”

The sun is just below the horizon as they exit, painting the spring sky in pinks and purples. It feels like a new start.

“I love you guys,” Cady says softly, holding both their hands again.

“We love you too,” Janis answers.

How could I not?

———-

Cady first thinks she might be in love with Janis Sarkisian on June 28, 2018.

Her boyfriend has just moved across the country for college. Aaron had already decided on a school in California before they had gotten together, and Cady wasn’t about to try and stop him from going. He has a good soccer scholarship, and he’ll be happy there. She’s proud of him.

But it also means she’s alone now, a lot. She has a lot of time to think. Cady loves Aaron, she knows she does, but their whole relationship feels almost... superficial, somehow. Now that he’s not around all the time, some of the things they felt for each other seem to be fading.

Cady’s also been thinking a lot about Janis, which scares her. Some of it is similar to how she felt about Aaron when they first met. She thinks about Janis’ gorgeous tawny eyes, how expressive and beautiful they are, how large and cute they are in her face. She thinks about her long, two-toned hair, about how soft it must be and wonders what it smells like (which is a little creepy, she notes). And god, Janis’ smile. When she genuinely smiles and her whole face lights up, that’s one of Cady’s favorite things by far.

But some of it is different. She thinks more about the little things she likes, too. The way her tongue always pokes out to the side when she’s trying to concentrate. The way she’s lactose intolerant but refuses to acknowledge it, no matter how much she regrets the ice cream later. The way she decorates her clothes and room and everything she owns to express who she is. Janis spent so much time hiding herself, now she makes sure she’s heard even without speaking.

Cady hauls herself from her bed, deciding to make a list to comfort herself. She grabs her old calculus notebook, flipping to an empty page and starting to scrawl down the pros and cons to a theoretical relationship with each person.

Aaron, to her, represents safety. Security. He can give her a normal life, the kind in a Hallmark movie. Aaron loves her, Cady loves him. They have similar interests, and are willing to learn about the ones they don’t have in common. They could be happy for a very long time together. They could support each other, keep each other safe. She does want that. She’s dreamed of it for a long time.

But that’s not all she wants. There’s parts of Kenya still so deeply ingrained in her. It’s practically part of her DNA. She wants adventure, excitement in her life.

And that’s where Janis comes in.

Janis is a blazing supernova, a ball of passion and righteous fury. She cares so deeply about everything, sometimes to a fault. She forgave Cady for everything, and was actively working to build trust and friendship between the two of them again. She was willing to listen to Gretchen and Karen’s apologies earlier this month, taking time to explain that she understood why they did what they did, but that it still hurt her and might take her some time to forgive them fully.

Janis also makes her feel seen. Janis had spent weeks doing research on autism when Cady had finally told her and Damian about her diagnosis the day after Spring Fling. She was always asking for Africa stories, and was one of the only people who seemed genuinely interested when Cady started telling them

spontaneously. Janis just wants to know about who she is as a person. Because she genuinely cares.

Cady looks down at her lists, and the conclusion seems fairly clear. She’s almost definitely in love with Janis Sarkisian.

“Ah, shuck.”

———

Cady realizes she’s definitely in love with Janis Sarkisian on August 1, 2018.

She and Aaron have a long talk over the phone. Aaron confesses that he doesn’t think the distance was working, which Cady agreed with. He wants to focus more on school and finding himself without being tied to someone else for a while, which Cady understands. She asks if they can still be friends, and he agrees readily.

Cady confessed she thinks she has a crush on someone else, but didn’t specify who. Aaron immediately catches on, however.

“Is it Janis?”

“Um... yeah,” Cady mumbles, wondering how he knew. She doesn’t think she’s acted as if she might like a girl at all, let alone her best friend. But she might as well tell him. He’s trustworthy, and it feels weirdly freeing to admit she’s crushing hard on her art freak.

“I figured. You guys are really compatible, you’d be cute together,” Aaron says.

“Do you think she likes me too?” Cady asks shyly. She doesn’t know why she’s talking about this with her very, very recently ex-boyfriend, but neither of them seem to mind.

“I’d be shocked if she doesn’t. You’re very likable, Cady.” He responds with a chuckle. “Um, I have to go now, I have a club meeting thing to get to. Sorry.”

“It’s okay! I should get going too. Um, you were a great boyfriend, by the way. Bye,” Cady hums, the emotions hitting her now.

“You were a great girlfriend. I hope Janis gets to experience it, too. Bye, Cady,” Aaron says, finally ending the call.

The tears come at this point, and Cady can’t quite figure out why. She saw this coming, knew it couldn’t go on much longer if her crush on Janis continues. But it’s sort of the end of an era for her, which is always sad.

Her first instinct is to text Janis.

africabytoto: Hey can I see Pancakes??? I’m sad :(

gaylien: yeh sure hold on lemme go find him

gaylien: Sent a picture: chongy boi

gaylien: u doing ok?

africabytoto: Yeah, I’m okay. Just going through it

gaylien: do u wanna come sleep over? my mom won’t care. i don’t like being alone when i’m sad

gaylien: we have ice cream

africabytoto: Haha what kind?

gaylien: chocolate chip and watermelon sorbet

africabytoto: Be there in ten. Thanks, Jay.

gaylien: np, see u soon :D

Cady grabs her backpack, filled with sleepover stuff for the summer. She switches out the pjs inside for fresh ones, and makes sure she has everything she needs before grabbing her phone charger and jacket. Her parents are out of town for the week, so they won’t mind if she spends the night elsewhere so long as she’s safe.

She decides to walk over to Janis’ house, tears still streaming gently from her eyes. It’s a warm night, and she’s comforted by the sight of the beautiful sunset.

The tears have stopped by the time she knocks on the door, but it’s still very obvious she was crying recently. Janis pulls the door open after a few seconds, cat trotting up curiously behind her.

“Aw, Caddy, what’s the matter?” Janis asks sadly, pulling her into a hug as soon as she steps inside.

“Aaron and I broke up,” Cady chokes out, trying not to cry again.

“Oh shit. Come on, let’s go upstairs,” Janis says, stopping in the kitchen to grab the ice cream and spoons before pulling her up the stairs by the hand. Cady smiles as she spies Janis’ door, covered in little doodles and stickers. On both sides, which is very Janis.

Her whole room is, really. All the walls are covered in extravagant, colorful murals Janis did by hand, but the furniture is plain white. Black and purple accents dot the room, and she has plain black bedsheets. It’s comforting, but Cady finds herself staring intently at the pride flag pillows resting at the head of the bed.

“So what happened? You two were the only happy hetero couple I’ve ever remembered seeing, like, a week ago,” Janis asks, pulling Cady to sit by her on her bed.

“We both just had too many other things going on, I think,” Cady answers quietly.

“He’s about to start classes and sports and clubs and stuff. Plus the distance. And, um, I’m kind of crushing on someone else.” Why would you say that? Stupid with love, Cady, come on. “It was a mutual thing, and we’re still friends, but it’s still sad, you know?” She sniffles.

“Yeah, I get that. I’m glad you’re still friends, he’s one of the only men I can tolerate,” Janis says, opening the chocolate chip pint. “Anyway, my little Caddy has a new crush? Do I know who it is?”

“Jan, no, you haven’t taken your lactose things yet,” Cady says desperately, trying to take the spoon so she can’t eat it yet.

“I’ll be fine, let me live,” Janis says, taking a large bite to spite her. “Now spill, who’s this lucky dude?”

“You’re gonna regret that later, I’m not gonna help you,” Cady huffs, crossing her arms.

“If I eat the watermelon stuff instead will you tell me who you’re crushing on?”

“No. But... maybe I could give you more details.”

“Fine. I’ll take what I can get,” Janis pouts, switching pints and handing Cady the clean spoon so she can have some too. “Now spill, come on. Damian hasn’t had any drama for ages.”

“Well... um... it’s not a guy,” Cady starts. Janis gasps, nearly choking on her bite of sorbet until Cady thumps her on the back.

“You like girls?” Janis coughs, sounding a little hoarse.

“I like a girl. And that’s... scary. I’ve never liked a girl before, I don’t know what that makes me,” Cady says, now freaking out a little. All her parents ever told her about were gay and straight, what does it mean if she’s both?

“Hey, Caddy, whoa. There’s a lot of things you could be, and you don’t have to pick a label right away. Or ever,” Janis comforts. “Have you looked into it at all?”

Cady shakes her head quickly, prompting Janis to go grab her laptop and start typing frantically.

“Okay, here. I did this a lot in middle school. You can scroll through this list and see if anything jumps out at you. And it’s okay if nothing does, either,” She says, passing Cady the computer.

Cady dries the moisture from her eyes and starts scrolling, reading the terms and their definitions. She remembers Karen telling her she was something called... pot? No, pansexual. She reads that, and it sounds close but not quite right.

Gretchen had also come out as something called bisexual, so she scrolls and finds that. Bisexual sounds much closer, but she decides she wants to do more research on her own time before coming to any concrete conclusions.

“Um... I think I just might be queer, for now. Bisexual sounds right too, but I want to look into it more before I decide anything,” Cady hums nervously.

“That’s fine, you do this on your own time. I’m proud of you, Peanut,” Janis says, pulling her into another hug.

“Peanut?” Cady giggles.

“Oh, um, yeah. Because you’re so little compared to me. Do you not like it?” Janis asks.

“No! It’s fun, I like it. But I’m not that small,” Cady huffs indignantly.

“You’re seven inches and, like, forty pounds smaller than me, Cads. You’re teeny tiny,” Janis teases.

“I’m fun sized! It’s not my fault you’re a giant,” Cady pouts.

Janis just laughs at that, squeezing Cady before letting her go and taking another bite of sorbet. “Now, tell me about this mystery crush girl,” She says with her mouth still full.

“Um,” Cady hums; trying to figure out how to describe Janis to Janis without her catching on. “She has... blonde hair,” she decides is safe. It’s technically not a lie, part of Janis’ hair is blonde.

“It’s not Regina, is it?” Janis interrupts.

“No, it’s not Regina. And you know she’s been trying to make herself better, don’t be mean,” Cady scolds gently. “Anyway, um. She has brown eyes,” She adds after a beat. It’s a little more risky, but Janis is oblivious as all hell so she decides she can probably get away with adding that detail.

“It it Karen?” Janis interrupts again.

“Would you stop interrupting, you little weasel? No, it’s not Karen, she’s dating Gretchen anyway,” Cady huffs, teasing Janis a little, but not in a mean way.

“Oh yeah. Sorry, continue. Gotta make sure this chick is good enough to date my best friend,” Janis says as she flops down on the bed.

“Oh boy, uh... she’s really nice. Forgiving. She’s passionate, she really cares about stuff and it’s really adorable. And she’s very unique, I’ve never known anyone like her. She’s really strong, too. She’s been through so much stuff she didn’t deserve. She’s tough, but she cares a lot. She’s a good friend,” Cady concludes.

“She sounds great, Cads. Do you think she likes you back?”

“I doubt it,” Cady says sadly. “We all went through a lot last year, y’know? I don’t know if she could see me that way after everything I did.”

“Well, she’s a dumbass not to, Kitkat. You’re great,” Janis answers, not knowing she’s insulting herself. “D’you wanna watch a movie?”

“Thanks, Jay,” Cady says. “A movie sounds good, just nothing scary this time please.”

“Fine,” Janis huffs. “Have you seen The Lion King yet?”

“No, what is it?” Cady asks excitedly. She loves anything to do with lions.

“Oh boy. Buckle up, Peanut. You’re gonna love this,” Janis says myseriously. Disney and lions? Perfect Cady combo.

“Okay,” Cady says nervously, since Janis still hasn’t told her anything about it.

Usually Cady has to fight to stay awake this late at night, but she’s totally enthralled in this movie. It’s both her favorite things combined, and she can feel a new hyperfixation building as it continues.

“That was the best!” She squeals excitedly once it finishes. Janis was right, she did love it.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Janis laughs. “Did you bring pjs and stuff?”

“No, I forgot,” Cady lies. Janis let her borrow a hoodie for a few minutes when she got cold a while ago and she almost refused to give it back.

“That’s fine. Here,” Janis says, digging through a drawer in her dresser for a pair of shorts that could be tied to fit Cady and one of her big sweatshirts.

“Thanks, Jan.”

“No problem, there’s extra toothbrushes and stuff in the bathroom if you need one.” Janis responds, pulling out another set of pjs for herself.

Cady goes to get changed and brush her teeth, removing her contacts and putting her glasses on as she shuffles back into Janis’ room and lies down next to her on the bed. As far as Janis knows this is still totally platonic, so she takes Cady’s hand gently as they scroll quietly on their phones next to each other for a while.

Cady (as always) gets sleepy first, taking her glasses off and settling in under the duvet to go to sleep.

“Goodnight, Janis. Thanks for making me feel better,” she mumbles tiredly.

“Anytime, Caddy.” Janis says back, still holding her hand as she drifts off to dreamland.

———-

Janis first thinks Cady might like her back on October 17, 2018.

It’s Janis’ eighteenth birthday, and her plan is to have Damian and Cady over to watch movies, play games, and eat an ungodly amount of food. A perfect evening.

Her mom took her to the grocery store earlier and let her go wild, and she wound up buying enough food for about 20 people to be split between the three of them. Janis had said she didn’t want presents this year, so this (plus letting Janis have a sleepover on a school night) was her mom’s gift to her.

Janis is just finishing setting up the TV in the basement for their festivities when the doorbell rings, and she hears her mom chatting happily with Damian and Cady for a while before she sends the two of them down to her.

Cady, adorably, is wearing a party hat and jumps into her arms as soon as she sees Janis. Damian is also wearing a party hat but looks much less happy about it.

“Happy birthday, Jayjay!” Cady cheers excitedly from in Janis’ arms. “You’re eighteen now! You can buy fish from Petco!”

“Oh yes, that’s the whole point of turning eighteen. Nice hat, by the way,” Janis teases, reaching up and flicking at it.

“Thanks! I found a pack while I was shopping for stuff for your present,” Cady says, brandishing a nicely wrapped box.

“Aw, Caddy, I told you guys I didn’t want anything,” Janis mumbles shyly.

“I know, I know, but you never told me when your birthday was last year so I missed it! I had to get you something,” Cady says. “Don’t shake the box, by the way, it’s a little messy.”

It’s good she said that, because Janis was definitely about to. “Well, now I’m scared,” Janis jokes, tugging lightly on the ribbon and pulling the lid off. “You got me sushi?” She asks once she sees what’s inside, touched that Cady remembered her favorite food (even if it does make a bit of an odd gift).

“Uhhuh! I learned how to make it just for this! Oh, but don’t worry, I did a lot of research and I went to good places to get the fish so it won’t make you sick,” Cady chirps. “Do you like it?”

It’s a little rough, but cute. Cady tried to shape the sashimi pieces into little animals, doing a good enough job that Janis can tell that one is a monkey and the other a lion, sleeping with blankets made of the fish. There’s also a few maki rolls, but one is overstuffed with rice and another has veggies poking out the ends. It’s obviously an area of expertise Cady hasn’t mastered yet, but Janis is touched that she even tried to learn how to do something so difficult just for her.

“I do, thank you, Caddy. This is adorable,” Janis says, almost choked up. She picks up the little lion and bites one of its feet. “It’s really good, Cads, this is so nice of you.”

“You’re welcome! Now it’s time for me to kick your ass in Mario Kart,” Cady cheers, causing both Damian and Janis to choke on their respective drinks.

“You fucking- what? Since when do you swear?” Damian asks, still spluttering slightly.

“Since a while ago, I just don’t do it a lot. I don’t like how it feels.” Cady says, which is totally reasonable for her.

“Alright, Peanut, I’d like to see you try,” Janis challenges, handing her a controller and sitting on the couch.

Cady takes off her hat so she won’t poke Janis with it and decides to sit on her lap so Damian can have room. Janis inhales sharply when she plops herself down gently, but relaxes again and pulls her closer to rest her chin on top of her head so she can see the screen.

For someone who touched a remote for the first time less than a year ago, Cady is actually remarkably good at Mario Kart and does indeed kick Janis’ ass several times over, before eventually letting Janis win one since it’s her birthday.

Eventually Cady gets bored and hands her controller to Damian so he can have a turn, going to grab some of the snacks and returning to her perch on Janis’ lap. She munches happily on her bag of chips, cheering the birthday girl on and feeding her some so Janis can still focus on the racing.

After several more laps, Cady insists they do Janis’ birthday cake. She gets very excited when she’s given the privilege of lighting the candles, doing it very carefully so nothing else gets burned. Cady takes a deep breath to sing Happy Birthday, barely getting a syllable out before Janis claps a hand over her mouth.

“No singing, Caddy. That’s the rule for my birthdays,�� Janis says, letting her go.

“Oh, sure, you’re all nice to her,” Damian jokingly pouts. “I tried to sing to her last year and she almost bit me.”

“I don’t like the birthday song, you were asking for it. Have some cake, dork,” Janis says, cutting the pieces entirely too large and handing one to both of them.

“Happy birthday, Janjan,” Damian says, mouth full of cake.

“We love you!” Cady adds, also with a lot of cake in her mouth.

“I love you too, you losers. Let’s get back to it,” She says, leading them over to watch Nightmare Before Christmas.

It’s only Wednesday, so they still have to get to bed pretty early so they can be ready for school the next day, but Cady takes the cake. By ten, she’s totally passed out on Janis, having spread her legs over to Damian’s lap a while ago. Janis and Damian decide to get in a horror movie while she sleeps, since they scare Cady the most.

Once they’re thoroughly freaked for the night, they look to each other concerned, wondering how they’re going to get Cady to bed without waking her. Janis eventually curls her up so more of Cady rests on Damian’s legs so she herself can get up, then she scoops Cady up like a bride to carry her over to the air mattresses they have set up.

She puts Cady down as gently as she can and tucks her in tightly, but once she goes to pull away Cady suddenly snatches her hand, her eyes not even fluttering. Janis can’t leave.

“Dame, can you push my air bed over for me? She won’t let me go,” Janis whispers.

“Lesbian activity,” Damian teases, pushing one of the other beds over against Cady’s.

“Shut up, she doesn’t even know I like her,” Janis huffs. “She doesn’t, does she?”

“Somehow, no she doesn’t. You haven’t exactly been subtle about it, Janjan. You got lucky crushing on the most oblivious person on Earth,” Damian laughs.

“I guess. Not like it matters, she’d never like me back anyway,” Janis says dejectedly.

“Are you hearing yourself? Look at her,” Damian demands gently, gesturing. Janis lies down next to Cady, the redhead immediately nuzzling closer, nosing her way into Janis’ chest and sighing contently in her sleep.

“She’s just cuddly,” Janis insists, curling protectively around Cady.

“Because she likes you, dumbass,” Damian says. “I’ll make a bet. When you start dating you owe me twenty bucks, and if you’re not together by this time next year I owe you twenty. Deal?” Damian says. It’s a good bet, Janis either gets a girlfriend or twenty dollars out of it, so it’s not like she’ll cheat to get the money.

“Deal. Now go to bed, loser, we still have school.” Janis pouts, pulling Cady just a little bit closer.

“Okay. Goodnight Janjan, I love you. Happy birthday,” Damian says, coming to kiss her on the forehead and tuck her in like a mom.

“Love you too,” Janis says as she falls asleep, curled around one of her favorite people.

——-

Cady first thinks Janis might like her back on January 3, 2019.

One of Cady’s resolutions for the new year was to come out to her parents. She had settled on the label of bisexual in November, but she was afraid to let people know unless she knew how they would react.

Janis was the first person she told once she had decided on a label, followed quickly by Damian. They both had embraced her wholeheartedly, Damian joking that they now had a full “gay-fecta”, with a lesbian, gay, and now a bi.

Janis had also made it very clear that she was only to come out whenever she felt ready, that she didn’t owe that to anyone but herself. Cady had thought on that for a while, coming to the rather upsetting realization that Janis didn’t get to come out on her own terms. Now she’s trying to protect Cady’s ability to come out on her own.

Cady thinks her parents will be accepting. They’re zoologists, they studied animal mating habits in Kenya for thirteen years, for crying out loud. Many species exhibit homosexual behaviors, so they know it’s a natural thing. She’s just not entirely sure how they’ll react to her coming out specifically. That’s what worries her.

As always, she reaches out to Janis first. She sends a text telling Janis that she’s ready to come out to her parents, and asking if Janis would be willing to be there to support her in case things go wrong. She waits anxiously for a response, biting her thumbnail.

Jayjay: of course i will, caddy. i’ll be over in ten. proud of you, peanut 📷️‍📷📷

True to her word, Janis knocks on the door almost exactly ten minutes later, bundled tightly in her coat and holding a little bi flag in her hand.

She hands it to Cady as she enters, following her up to her bedroom and laughing as Cady waves the flag excitedly before putting it in the pencil holder on her desk.

Janis makes light conversation to distract Cady until her parents get home, at which point she notices Cady start wringing her hands in front of her and biting her lip.

“Hey, Caddy, look at me. You’re gonna be fine. Your parents love you a lot, it’s gonna be okay. And I’m here on the off chance it’s not, okay? And remember, if you’re not ready, nothing says you have to do this today,” Janis comforts, massaging Cady’s arms lightly.

“Okay. Thanks, Jay,” Cady says, taking a deep breath and hugging her tightly for courage before leaving Janis alone in her room to go confront her parents.

She finds them in the kitchen putting away groceries. “Mommy, Daddy, can I talk to you really quick?” She asks shyly, shuffling her feet.

“Always, Binti. What’s up?” Her dad says, coming to ruffle her hair.

“Um... I’m bisexual,” she says, closing her eyes tightly for a second.

“Okay. We’re having curry for dinner,” her mom says, putting another can into the cabinet.

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

“Binti, we love you for who you are, and it’s not like we could change this if we wanted to, anyway,” her dad says. “You know how common this is in the animals, you loved to study them.”

Cady shudders, trying to stop her mind flashing back to some of the more gruesome mating rituals she saw in Africa.

“And besides, Binti, this doesn’t change anything about you, it just changes our expectations of who you might bring home to dinner. Speaking of, was this discovery prompted by anyone in particular?” Her mom asks slyly, coming to pull her into a hug.

“Um, kind of, but it’s not- we’re not, like, dating or anything,” Cady admits.

“Oh, I hope it’s that Janis girl. She’d be a good fit for you,” Her dad says. “Is it?” He adds, noticing how violently Cady is blushing.

She nods. “Um, actually, she’s upstairs. Can she stay for dinner?” She squeaks. Her parents laugh and agree, giving her one last good hug before returning to their tasks.

“Okay, grool, love you bye.” She spits out, turning on her heel and dashing back up the stairs.

She gives a relieved sigh as she enters her bedroom again, Janis looking up from her spot by the door as she enters.

“How’d it go?” Janis asks, approaching cautiously. She was listening for raised voices, but she didn’t hear any which she took as a good sign.

“Good, I think,” Cady breathes. “My mom just said ‘okay’ and then said we were having curry for dinner. They said you can stay if you want, by the way. Then my dad said they loved me and that it doesn’t change anything about who I am.” She finishes, deciding to leave out the part where her parents suggested they should date. For now.

“Good! I’m so happy for you,” Janis cheers, picking her up by the waist and spinning her around a few times, grinning at Cady’s delighted giggles. “I told you it would be fine.”

“You did. Thank you for being here anyway, Jay. I really appreciate it.” Cady says, pulling Janis into a hug. “Can I ask you something?” She asks after a beat.

“Sure,” Janis asks, kind of nervous.

“You don’t have to answer if it’s too personal or anything but... how did you come out to your parents?” Cady asks softly, leading them to sit on her bed.

“Oh. No, it’s fine, I would’ve told you eventually anyway. Um. I was thirteen, I came out the summer after everything happened with Regina. I told my mom and stepdad at the same time, I just sat them down one day and told them that Regina had been right. I was gay after all,” Janis says, not looking at Cady. She gets it, it must be tough for her to say.

“I had spent so long agonizing over it, I hadn’t slept for almost a week before that. I always kind of knew deep down that I was a lesbian, but I just really didn’t want Regina to be right. Anyway, I told them one night, kind of out of nowhere. My stepdad didn’t take it well,” She says, pausing to take a deep breath. Cady rubs her back comfortingly.

“He-um. He hit me, and called me a d-dyke, and then he left. My mom just hugged me while I cried and said it was okay, that she still loved me. She got the divorce papers the next day.”

“Oh, god, Janis-“ Cady starts to say.

“Don’t be sorry. I’ve had enough sorry for like, seven lifetimes. There’s nothing in here that you need to apologize for.” Janis insists, continuing when Cady nods shyly. “So, um, anyway. It was really hard for a while. My stepdad fought really hard for custody of Julie and kind of took most of my moms money, and Julie was too little to really understand what was happening, so she blamed me for her dad leaving. She was with him for half the time at first, but once she got a little older we told her what happened in more detail and she said she didn’t want to see him anymore.”

“You’re really strong, Jay. I hope you know that,” Cady says, crying a little that her best friend (and potential love interest, maybe?) had to go through so much. Especially so young.

“I think I’m learning that. Thanks, Cads. So now you know more of my tragic supervillain backstory, can we watch movies until your mom finishes cooking?” Janis asks, wiping the tears from under Cady’s eyes gently.

“Yeah, what do you want to watch?”

“Ooh, I have an idea,” Janis says excitedly, dragging Cady’s laptop closer to bring up Love, Simon. “We should watch a bunch of iconic gay movies to celebrate you coming out.”

“Okay,” Cady giggles, cuddling into Janis’ side as she hits play.

“I really am so proud of you, Caddy,” Janis says after a long while, pressing a light kiss to the top of Cady’s head on impulse.

“Thank you, Janis.”

———-

Janis and Cady finally admit their feelings on February 10, 2019.

It’s Cady’s eighteenth birthday tomorrow, and she’s having what she calls “a party, but not like that”. Basically, she’s inviting the former Plastics, current Mathletes, and her art freaks over to her house for a little thing. Her parents were going to be out of town until tomorrow afternoon, but allowed her to throw her party as long as she was responsible about it. It was a long weekend, so they all had tomorrow off school to recover.

Janis and Damian show up first, insisting on arriving early to help her set up. Cady opens the door to find them both standing there, once again in party hats, and both of them blow noisemakers in her face the second they see her.

“Happy birthday, bitch!” Damian calls, picking her up and spinning her around.

Janis grabs her as soon as Damian puts her down, pulling her into a tight hug. “Happy birthday, Peanut!”

“Thanks, you guys,” Cady giggles. “What’s that?” She asks, pointing to a cloth-covered rectangle.

“Nothing,” Janis teases. “That’s your birthday present, you’ll get to see it later.”

“Janis! I told you not to get me anything,” Cady whines.

“I didn’t. I made something,” Janis retorts. She goes to put the gift in Cady’s bedroom before joining Cady and Damian in the kitchen.

“Are you doing alcohol tonight? I brought some in case,” Janis says, pulling a bottle of vodka from her bag.

“I told people they could bring some if they want, but nobody who drinks gets to leave,” Cady says. “How did you get that?”

“My mom bought it. She’d rather know I’m being safe with stuff, I guess,” Janis shrugs as she puts the bottle on the counter. “Are you not, like, a little worried about mixing the Plastics and the Mathletes tonight?” She asks, trying not to freak Cady out.

“Um, a little, I guess,” Cady says. “But Regina really has improved, and so have Gretchen and Karen. They’re a lot less mean than they used to be.”

“Fair enough, I guess,” Janis responds.

Damian finishes hanging the rest of the decorations while Cady and Janis finish putting out all the snacks, Cady eventually going to greet everyone else at Janis’ insistence.

“Yo-yo, Africa, happy birthday! We brought booze!” Kevin G. calls as he enters with Marwan and Tyler.

“Hi, guys,” Cady laughs at their dramatic entrance. “You can put your stuff on the counter in the kitchen.”

The Plastics enter fashionably late, as usual, but not so late that Cady was worried.

“Happy birthday, Cady!” Karen and Gretchen call, immediately wrapping her in a tight hug. “Thanks, guys. Everyone else is in the living room.”

Regina shuffles up after they leave, hugging her much more gently since she still has to be pretty careful of her spine. “Happy birthday, I brought schnapps,” She says. “Is Janis here, by the way?”

“Um, yeah, she should be in the kitchen,” Cady responds as she takes the bottle, just a touch worried.

“I might talk to her. I still need to apologize for... everything,” Regina mutters nervously.

“She’d appreciate that,” Cady says with relief.

She locks the door since the last guest has arrived, grabbing the dish for everyone’s keys and following after Regina.

Damian suggests they play spin the bottle, which is immediately shot down by everyone else. He pouts, but seems to be fine with it upon taking a second look at everyone present.

Gretchen and Karen brought some kind of Jenga but with challenges and shots involved, and everyone seems much more willing to play that. Cady wasn’t planning on drinking tonight, but she figures she might as well give it another go today. It’s her eighteenth birthday, she should live a little.

After several rounds and entirely too many shots, Kevin insists on playing Just Dance upon spying the disc, and they decide that whoever loses each dance has to take another shot. Very quickly, they lose track of who’s who and decide to switch to truth or dare.

Tyler gets dared to make out with Marwan, which he doesn’t complain about since they’re dating. Kevin has to eat a whole raw egg, and Karen gets dared to spell ‘orange’ out loud. It takes a while. Damian has to tell the story of the time he kicked some of Janis’ baby teeth out learning a new tap routine when they were little, causing Cady to almost cry with laughter.

What Cady doesn’t like so much, however, is everyone daring her to go confess her feelings for Janis. She has to do several forfeit shots in quick succession, which gets her tanked pretty quickly. After a while, her brain feels a bit loose and she’s trying desperately to keep it together. She taps out of the game after downing about three shots in a row and goes to her guitar, wanting to play Africa, a song she does not know how to play.

She doesn’t have the muscle control to play the right chords anymore, but doesn’t really care. She’s also very tired, deciding she should just take a little nap on the ground and play herself to sleep.

Janis is finishing setting up a fruit tray when none other than Regina George walks in, seeming uncharacteristically nervous.

“Sarkisian, can I talk to you?”

“Uh... I guess, yeah,” Janis says, leading them to the garage for some privacy and crossing her arms over her chest.

“Um... I know I should have done this a long time ago. Like a really long time ago, I just wanted to find the right words, I guess. I wanted to apologize, for everything,” Regina mutters. “I’m sorry for everything in eighth grade, and I’m sorry for not doing anything about it after. I never meant for all of this to happen, which I know you probably don’t believe. It just... spiraled out of control and I was so drunk with power I didn’t want to stop it. I don’t expect you to forgive me or anything, but I want you to know I’m trying to get better. To be better. I, um. Found some things out that kind of explain why I was... like that, but I don’t want to try to excuse anything I did. I hurt you the worst.”

Janis exhales heavily, not having expected that. “Wow, um. Yeah. I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to forgive you, Regina. But, I don’t hate you anymore or anything. I haven’t wanted to hate you for a long time, but I felt like I had to since you wouldn’t change. I can see you’re trying to improve now, though. I think I can try to just... let everything be in the past, I guess. And, I’m sorry for everything last year, the bars and stuff. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, Janis, you had every right to try-“

“No, I didn’t. Yeah, what you did sucked. I almost killed myself because of you. I missed a lot. But once I realized you weren’t gonna do anything anytime soon, I should have taken it for what it was, I should have tried to move on after. I shouldn’t have gone for revenge. I needed to work on myself, too.”

“Okay, um. Thank you for that,” Regina says, shuffling her feet. “Janis, there’s something else.”

“Okay,” Janis says gesturing for her to continue. She’s glad Regina is finally apologizing, but she really does not want to be here any longer.

“I like girls, too. I knew I did the whole time. I started everything to get the attention away from me. God, I’m so sorry,” Regina chokes.

“Hey, whoa, don’t cry,” Janis says. “Listen, I appreciate effort more than anything, and I’ve been able to tell you’re really trying to change. You haven’t done perfect, but we can tell you’re trying. Um, if you don’t mind, you said you had learned things that explained why you were...”

“A massive bitch?” Regina finishes for her.

“Yeah,” Janis laughs. “If you’re okay to share, I’d like to hear that.”

“I owe you a better explanation, at the very least,” Regina says.

“Hey, no you don’t. You apologized. That’s all you’ve ever owed me,” Janis responds quickly.

“Thanks, Janis. But really I should do this,” Regina answers.

“Okay, shoot.”

“Okay, so you know my dad was a dickhead, yeah?” Regina asks, continuing when Janis gives a passionate nod. “It took me a long time to recognize he wasn’t normal, that he was, um. Abusive. He was really manipulative and controlling, nothing Kylie or I did was ever good enough for him. I was scared, a lot, and I wanted to feel control somewhere so I started lashing out and stuff at school. It got out of control really quickly, and nobody tried to stop me. Except you.”

“You were my best friend, I didn’t like seeing who you were turning into,” Janis answers, gesturing to Regina again.

“I wouldn’t either. And then, um, you know most of what happened between then and now since it was happening to you, but basically when I was in the hospital recovering from the bus they called in a mandatory psych evaluation, because of the whole rumor that I jumped it front of it. And I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and anorexia nervosa. I’m getting treatment and I’m in a lot of therapies and stuff now,” Regina finishes, heaving a sigh.

“Damn, Regina. I’m sorry, that’s... really rough,” Janis breathes, not knowing quite what to say.

“Don’t be sorry. I hurt you because of it, and I don’t want to try to excuse what I did,” Regina mumbles. “Honestly, I’m kind of thankful for the bus. The doctors said if it had been going any faster it would have killed me, they wouldn’t have been able to get me back. I think it must’ve been some kind of sign. I don’t know how much longer I could’ve gone on the way I was.”

“I’m glad the bus was the catalyst to get you the help you need, but I’m still sorry you got hit by it. You didn’t deserve that. Nobody does.”

“Thanks, Sarkisian. You should get out to Cady, she’s probably missing you. We’ve been talking for a while,” Regina says.

“You think she misses me? She’s got all her other friends out there,” Janis says with a sigh.

“Yeah, but you’re in love with each other,” Regina retorts, causing Janis to choke on air.

“She-you-I-what?! I’m not in love with her!” Janis demands vehemently.

“Janis, I’ve seen how you act around her, how you look at her. Don’t even try to deny it.”

“Fine. But she doesn’t like me back,” Janis pouts.

“Yes, she does. She acts almost exactly the same around you as she did around Aaron. Cady looks at you like you hung the moon, she’s always trying to make sure you’re okay and happy. She never shuts up about you, honestly.”

“She doesn’t?” Janis squeaks, flushing violently.

“God, no. It’s getting really irritating,” Regina jokes. “Seriously, Janis, you should tell her. You guys deserve each other.”

“I’ll think about it. Later, ‘Gina,” Janis calls as she heads to the living room, grinning to herself slightly.

The gang is just wrapping up a game of truth or dare as she comes in, everyone except Damian and Tyler obviously very inebriated and starting to scatter around the house. Damian is drunk but not overly so, and Tyler seems to have gotten away with just getting tipsy.

Damian stops her on his way to the kitchen muttering, “Cady’s like, fucked up, you should take care of her,” as she goes by.

Sure enough, Cady is holding her guitar as she lies on the ground, strumming random chords as she tries to play a song. Janis just watches her for a while, wondering how long it’ll take Cady to notice her.

She sits on the couch and continues her observation, until Cady suddenly bursts into tears.

“Hey, whoa, Caddy, what’s wrong?” Janis asks frantically, going to pull her small friend into a hug.

“I’m, like, really drunk,” Cady hiccups. “And last time I was really drunk I was really mean to Janis but-but I really like Janis. Like, in the gay way. But I’m bisexual. She’s just so pretty- her eyes, have you seen her eyes?” Cady continues. Janis is very confused for a second, Cady is either crying too hard to recognize her or too drunk to care that she’s spilling her guts to her crush. Maybe both.

“I can’t say I have, no.” She’s seen them in the mirror, but not the way Cady’s talking about.

“They’re so big, and pretty, they look like-like chocolate and I just wanna stare at them forever. And Janis is so soft, her hugs are the best and she always cuddles me even though she doesn’t usually like to be touched. She makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And-and she’s so nice,” Cady chokes out, suddenly crying much harder.

“Is she? Oh, honey, don’t cry,” Janis asks. Cady’s very drunk, her words are slurred together with a mix of alcohol and emotion.

“I fucking- I hate honey. It makes me uncomfortable. But Janis is like... anti-honey. She makes me feel so safe. Janis forgave me even though I hurt her a whole lot. I was really mean, but she forgave me and now we’re best friends but I have a huge crush on her and Janis will never like me back because I was so mean,” Cady wails, sniffling as she burrows into Janis’ shoulder. Janis makes a mental note that Cady is a very emotional, clingy drunk.

“I think she might like you back, Caddy,” Janis mutters, flushing bright red. Cady really thinks all this about her? Damian always says drunk words are sober thoughts, so maybe she does.

“Noooo. Janis is too good for me. I just hope she’s happy,” Cady says, starting to calm a little. Janis must still have that effect, even though Cady can’t tell it’s her. “Wait, but don’t tell her I like her, she’d be mad.”

Janis just blinks for a second. “Okay, I won’t, Caddy. But I think she’d be really happy if you told her how you feel. I think Janis has a crush on you, too.” Janis says, kissing her hair.

“Really?” Cady asks excitedly, like a little kid. God, she’s so cute.

“Really. You should go tell her,” Janis says, letting Cady go and pushing her gently towards the hallway once she stands.

“Mmkay. Janis? Jaaaaaaaniiiiiiis?” Cady calls as she stumbles down the hall.

Janis sneaks into the kitchen and takes a couple shots of the now nearly empty vodka she brought for Dutch courage, flipping off both Damian and Regina as they waggle their eyebrows at her before she leaves in search of her favorite redhead.

She’s getting progressively more worried when she can’t find Cady, apologizing profusely when she finds Gretchen and Karen making out in the guest room before heading to check Cady’s bedroom.

Luckily, she finds her there, alone and now drinking some water. That should help her sober up enough to talk. She knocks lightly on the doorframe before stepping in.

“Hey, Jayjay! I was looking for you. But now I’m here. What’s up?” Cady asks once she sees her, deciding trying to stand is still a little too risky.

Janis makes her way over to the bed, sitting next to Cady and lacing their fingers together. “Someone told me we should talk,” she says quietly.

“Yeah, we probably should,” Cady says. She’s still slurring her words, but much less. “Janis, I really like you, I have for a long time, and I understand if you don’t like me back. I don’t want to lose you as a friend-“ Is all she manages to get out before Janis cuts her off with a soft kiss, taking her cup and placing it on the nightstand.

They pull back after a second, but neither of them move away or open their eyes. They’d never know which of them leaned in the second time, maybe it was both, but this time they don’t stop.

Janis gasps a little as Cady flicks her tongue against the seam of her lips, and Cady takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss. She groans sweetly when their tongues meet, wrapping her arms around Janis’ neck and playing lightly with the baby hairs at the nape of it. Janis shifts them so Cady is lying on her back, Janis hovering above her and moving to cup Cady’s jaw with her hands.

She suddenly snaps back to her senses when she feels Cady tugging at the hem of her shirt, pulling away suddenly. Cady just whines and reaches for her again, but Janis blocks her with a hand gently.

“Caddy, listen, I want this. More than anything, I want this. But you’re very drunk, and I’m not entirely sober either. I probably shouldn’t have even kissed you. We can talk about this more tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. Will you stay with me?” Cady asks, pulling her best puppy eyes. Janis supposes a cuddle couldn’t hurt.

“Sure,” she says, finding one of her own hoodies and some sweatpants in Cady’s dresser, putting them in her arms and sending her towards the bathroom. “Go get changed and brush your teeth and stuff, I’ll be here when you get back.”

Janis brought a sleepover bag, figuring at least one of them would be drunk enough to necessitate a sleepover. She changes into her pjs quickly, sitting on the bed and finishing what remains of Cady’s water to sober up more herself.

Cady comes back in, still stumbling slightly. Janis jumps up to catch her before she can fall, holding her tightly and trying not to look at Cady’s bare legs. “I don’t wanna wear pants. I’m too hot,” Cady whines, leaning more heavily into Janis.

“You don’t have to, I guess. As long as you’re comfy.” Janis chuckles. “Oh, you didn’t take your makeup off. Come here,” she says, grabbing a few of the makeup wipes from the pack on the desk and wiping tenderly at Cady’s face.

She can’t resist leaning down to peck Cady’s lips one more time once she finishes, and Cady’s wide grin when she does makes Janis want to kiss her for the rest of time.

Janis gets comfy on the bed first, knowing Cady will just worm her way in wherever she can fit. Sure enough, once she gestures for her, Cady wriggles in and presses as close to Janis as she can.

Janis tangles their legs together and pulls her a little closer, deciding she’s probably allowed to do that now. Cady leans up for a sweet kiss before she buries her face in Janis’ chest, mumbling a “night night” quietly into her shirt.

Janis just kisses her hair before nuzzling her nose into it, inhaling the comforting scent of cherries. “Goodnight Peanut,” she whispers.

Cady wakes up to a pounding headache and aching belly, wrapped tightly and securely in a familiar embrace. I am never drinking again, she thinks as she opens her eyes, wincing at the sunlight streaming through the window before turning to look at the person spooning her.

Of course it’s Janis. She’s a little worried that she can’t remember much of last night, but judging by the fact that they’re both still clothed, it couldn’t have gone too far.

She goes to check herself in the mirror, surprised to see she didn’t sleep in her makeup like she usually does when she’s drunk. For some reason she’s not wearing pants, but she has a top on, Janis is fully clothed, and neither of them have any marks so she’s not too worried about it.

She dons some bottoms and shuffles down to the kitchen to find some Advil, wandering past all of her guests at some point on the way. She grabs a tray and fills several cups with water, leaving one and a few pills near each of her friends.

She finds Regina alone on the couch, curled up under a soft blanket. She looks remarkably soft, almost cute. Adorably, she finds Damian cuddled up with the Mathletes, all four of them squished together on the floor under another larger blanket. Gretchen and Karen are on the guest bed, and she makes sure to close the door quietly so she doesn’t wake them.

Janis is awake by the time she returns, sitting up still under the duvet and rubbing her eyes. “Morning, Caddy,” she says as Cady enters, downing the medicine and water she hands her in one go. “Um... how much do you remember from last night?”

“I remember bits, I think. I remember Kevin crying because he couldn’t figure out what the volume of the Wii was without measuring it,” Cady says with a giggle.

“Do you remember anything that you did with me?”

“Um... no. Why, what happened?”

“Nothing bad! You just, erm... toldmeyoulikedmeandIlikeyoubackandwekindofmadeoutforawhile.” Janis bursts out.

“Whoa, slow down, what?” Cady says, hungover brain trying desperately to keep up.

“You told me you had a crush on me, but I don’t think you meant to, you were very drunk. And uhm... I really like you too, and we kissed a few times but I stopped before we went any further. Listen, I get it if that was just, like, a drunk thing and you don’t actually feel-“

“Janis, hey. Of course I actually like you. I wish I had told you when I was sober and that I could remember more of our first kiss, but I’ve been crushing on you for a long time. I thought you wouldn’t like me back,” Cady says, coming to sit next to her on the bed.

“Oh. That’s... um. That’s neat,” Janis squeaks, flushing scarlet.

“You little dork, I just told you I have a crush on you and all you have to say is ‘that’s neat’. You’re too cute,” Cady coos, squishing her cheeks.

“Hey! I am not, I’m a tough punk! You’re supposed to be the cute one,” Janis pouts.

“Thanks, Jay,” Cady giggles.

Oh, that beautiful sound. Janis doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of it. “I really wanna kiss you again,” she mumbles, trying not to stare.

“Go right ahead,” Cady purrs, leaning in. Janis meets her halfway, tangling one hand in Cady’s hair and gripping her hip tightly with the other. Slowly, Cady shifts so she’s straddling Janis, wrapping her arms around her neck and angling her head to deepen the kiss.

Eventually, they unfortunately have to break apart to breathe, lingering close and looking into each other’s eyes.

“What are we, Janis?” Cady asks quietly after a beat.

“Hmm... Girlfriends sounds nice. I like girlfriends, can we be girlfriends?” Janis says suavely, pulling her closer and nuzzling their noses together.

“I would be honored to be your girlfriend, Bluejay,” Cady chuckles.

“Bluejay?” Janis squeaks. She likes that name quite a bit.

“Yeah! Because I call you Jay a lot, and bluejays are one of my favorite birds,” Cady chirps.

“I’m into it. Can we be kissing again now, though, please?” Janis asks. Cady just leans in again, pressing their lips together softly.

Damian comes bursting in a few moments later, saying, “Caddy, everyone else went home and I can’t find Janis, do you know- OHMIGOSH!” Before leaving abruptly, slamming the door behind him. They can hear him squealing excitedly all the way downstairs.

Janis and Cady look at each other for a second before bursting into laughter, wiping tears from under their eyes. “I guess he would’ve found out one way or another,” Janis says once they’ve calmed down.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Cady giggles, still trying to stop laughing. “Hey, wait, you never gave me the thingy you made for me.”

“Oh yeah. I guess since it’s your actual birthday now you can have it,” Janis teases, shifting Cady off her gently and going to grab it.

Cady wiggles excitedly once she has it in her hands, pulling the cloth covering off and gasping at what she sees. It’s a collage, hundreds of photos of her with her favorite people in greyscale cover the large canvas, and Janis has painted her name in perfect golden cursive in the center.

She notices a heart painted just underneath her name and looks closer, seeing that it frames a photo of her and Janis. It’s one of her favorite pictures of them, from one of the days Janis had insisted on trying to teach her how to paint. Cady had gotten a little frustrated and started a paint fight instead, and Damian sneakily snapped the picture while they were wrapped up in each other, smiling brightly and looking into each other’s eyes.

“I was going to try to tell you how I felt today, anyway, you beat me to it. Do you like it?” Janis hums nervously, biting her lip.

“Oh, Jay, I love it. It’s beautiful,” Cady says, tracing their faces tenderly with her index finger. She puts it gently to the side, making grabby hands for Janis. “My second favorite birthday present.”

“Second? What was your first?” Janis asks confusedly, nuzzling into Cady’s neck and sitting on her lap this time.

“You, goofy. You’re my favorite present,” Cady says like it’s obvious, and Janis has to choke back a few tears.

“Oh. I guess I am a good present,” She jokes, pressing a kiss to Cady’s cheek. “Now come on, Dame and I want to take you for some birthday breakfast.”

“Ooh, yay! Can we get smoothies?” Cady asks excitedly, bouncing up and down once Janis removes herself from her lap.

“Whatever you want, Peanut. Get dressed, I’ll meet you downstairs,” Janis laughs, turning to go.

“Janis?” Cady calls just before she reaches the door. “One more kiss?”

Janis might have to talk with her about the puppy eyes. Those are dangerous, she thinks as she walks over, kissing her forehead, both cheeks, then her nose, and ending with a lingering one on her lips. “Better?”

“Uhhuh,” Cady smiles. “You can go now, I’ll be down in a second.”

Damian is there the second she hits the bottom, snatching her into a hug and calling, “Hey, what the fuck?! When did you and Caddy happen?” very loudly in her ear.

“Jesus, Dame, volume. And who says we’ve happened?” Janis teases.

“I walked in on you two- canoodling!” He insists, waving a finger in her face. “You can’t tell me it hasn’t!”

“Last night. She told me she was crushing on me while she was drunk and we kissed. We became girlfriends this morning,” Janis says, ending his torment.

“Aww. Yay lesbians,” Damian coos.

“Caddy’s bi.”

“You get what I mean. Yay sapphics,” he huffs, pulling her into a hug again.

“Yay sapphics indeed,” Janis says, smiling widely. She has a girlfriend now.

“You know what this means?”

“You’re gonna be the most annoying third wheel of all time ‘til we find you a boyfriend?”

“Yes. Buuuuut, you have to give me my money now,” Damian singsongs, doing a ridiculous little dance. “Pay up, my good bitch.”

“Ah, fuck.”

-----

thank you for reading! big thanks to @meangirlsbway-incorrectquotes for letting me use one of their posts as inspiration!

I wanted to note that I put the dates in as they are because I head canon these characters as being about my age, so they would've graduated in 2019. I'm aware the dates make them a bit old, and that it might mess up the canon timeline or things I've mentioned in previous works. (also yes, one of the dates mentioned is my birthday because I am lazy). if you think they're a different age, feel free to ignore the dates.

I also wanted to make it very clear: just because a person has bpd does not mean they will act like regina george. if you have bpd, this was not intended to be offensive in any type of way, I just think it's a possible explanation for her behavior.

happy transgender day of visibility!

lots of love, ezzy

#cadnis #cady heron x janis sarkisian #paint by numbers #cady heron #janis sarkisian #damian hubbard #regina george #gretchen wieners #karen smith #mean girls #mean girls musical #mean girls broadway

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inkabelledesigns · 3 years

Text

Where does Bendy in Nightmare Run fit into the Bendy Universe?

Let me ask you this: does anyone else find it odd that we don’t see any of the content from Bendy in Nightmare Run within the Crack-Up Comics? Like the game has four great bosses, three standard enemies, and a bunch of costumes, and not ONCE do they make another appearance (save for one Easter egg of Chester in BATIM’s Chapter 5). We got parallels to our Chapters 3 and 4 enemies with Cameraman/Projectionist, Miss Twisted/Twisted Alice, and Brute/Brute Boris, but like, absolutely nothing from the game that arguably has more toons in it than the source material it’s based on. I know not a lot of people think about Nightmare Run anymore (hell, it’s only on my radar because I still log in everyday for the soup), but I feel like there should’ve at least been a nod to it there.

And that got me thinking: Souper Boris deals with radioactive bacon soup, right? And it’s teased at the end that Alice gets some too, right? Humor me here: is it possible that Canoodle is also a result of that radioactive soup? I mean this is a cartoon world, I don’t think it’d be much of a stretch to say that “radioactive” could serve as an explanation for a soup can becoming sentient, nor growing to a massive height. I can already picture the story, he was the can that wasn’t bought, got stuck in the back and never saw the light of day, so he had time to be brought to life, as opposed to other produce that was opened too quickly for that to happen. Maybe he passed his expiration date, got thrown away, ended up at the dump and made it his home. Who’s to say?

Though then again, is Canoodle’s stage a junkyard, or a graveyard? And how does that change things?

https://twitter.com/BendyRun/status/1049237972288266241

https://twitter.com/BendyRun/status/1038426739435655168

I was looking around for Canoodle’s beef with Bendy (it’s that Bendy trespassed on his property and didn’t leave), and I stumbled upon this from the promotional material for the game. I thought Canoodle’s stage was a junkyard this whole time, you’re telling me it’s a graveyard? Well hang on a moment. The game was released in August of 2018, and both of these tweets are from September of 2018. All the other posts with the bosses for the initial marketing make sense within the context of their stage, but Canoodle’s is inconsistent. Everywhere else, he’s listed as living in a junkyard. So why then, is it called a graveyard here?

So I loaded up the game real quick and played through the first act. Still looks like a junkyard to me. But then THIS happened.

My phone is a bit slow (as is my reaction time) so I couldn’t get a clear screenshot, but the other side of this barrel has a radioactive waste symbol on it. You see where I’m going with this? I predict Canoodle has some kind of link with the content we saw in the Souper Boris comic, it makes too much sense for it to be the same radioactive soup. The promotional material referring to this space as a graveyard could be insight into how Canoodle feels about it. I mean if you were a piece of trash that got thrown away, wouldn’t you feel like the scrapyard was your final resting place? Much like the studio is hell itself for its inhabitants, Canoodle’s “home” is here.

But that leads to the question that I’ve had about Nightmare Run for a while: where in the timeline does it fall? And that’s a really difficult question to answer, because there’s two timelines we need to talk about: the real world of JDS, and the fictional world of the cartoons and comics. And in truth, I don’t have a good answer for it. I think the logical place for it to be is somewhere after the Souper Boris comic, meaning if it’s part of a story told in some kind of Bendy media, it’s gotta be after or alongside the period of 1936-1940.

The thing is, we don’t really know what Nightmare Run IS within this universe, and that’s the bigger question to answer. Sure, here and now in our reality, it’s a mobile game, just as Bendy and the Ink Machine and Boris and the Dark Survival are games, but mobile games didn’t exist back then. There’s also that weird callback to Joey’s whole shtick about “there’s something I need to show you” when you first boot up the game. What is this trying to tell us? What IS Nightmare Run? For us it’s a game, but what is it to the studio employees? What is it to the cartoons? What is it to Joey? There are lots of things we could make of this, but my mind goes to a few places. We could say that it’s just a game that has no bearing on the story. We could say that Joey was ahead of his time, or that maybe Nathan did some development with the JDS property that permeated the modern era. We could say that this was a series of shorts or cartoons where Bendy and friends are having weird dreams.

Or we could turn to what The Illusion of Living tells us about Bendyland and Sillyvision. I haven’t given you all my thoughts on the book yet (I really should, because damn did it rock), but one thing I found fascinating was the look into Bendyland and Joey’s conversations with Bertrum Piedmont. We learn what Joey’s plans were for the park, that each section was meant to represent aspects of each of his core characters. I can absolutely see Nightmare Run fitting in as an attraction for Dark World, Bendy’s area of the park. Think of it like Disney’s animatronic dark rides, like Mickey and Minnie’s Runaway Railway, or one of the things I miss, Disney Quest. If you’re not familiar with Disney Quest, it was a five floor arcade that lived within Disney Springs (then called Downtown Disney). It’s since been replaced by an ESPN attraction, but when it was still there, it had all kinds of stuff. Early forms of VR (that were nauseating to play with those heavy helmets), lots of old arcade machines, and newer technology that blended virtual and physical gameplay together, like the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction that had you shooting cannonballs at a virtual screen (or Toy Story Midway Mania, if you want a more common comparison).

But this was the 40s, technology for this kind of thing wouldn’t exist, right? And that’s where I turn to Sillyvision, Joey’s special process of editing the inks on the animation cells. Combine that with the advanced technology of harnessing living ink’s properties that Gent had going on, and you have yourself some plausible ways to create an attraction where guests can help Bendy (or be in his shoes) to run from some not-so-friendly faces. It doesn’t sound too far fetched for this universe, and given this man was working on “living cartoons” for the purpose of folks being able to meet them in the park, I wouldn’t put it past him to try this too. It still leaves some questions as to what content Canoodle and friends came from within the universe (were they in a cartoon or comic, or were they made specifically for an attraction?), but one thing is for sure: there’s possibilities. Besides that, we still never got an explanation as to what that hand is in the game.

If you tap the hand on the top of the screen there, it opens and closes, but we still have no idea what it does or who it belongs to. It’s 2021, and we still haven’t cracked it! It could be Bendy’s or Boris’ hand (not Alice though, doesn’t have a circle in the palm), or it could be someone else’s. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m probably thinking too hard about this. X’’’D And I’m okay with that. I’d like to revisit Nightmare Run again, I have some thoughts about our enemy characters (Krawl, Stickle, and Gwen), but that’ll be for later. X’’’D I was gonna post cute headcanons about Sammy today and somehow ended up here, what is my life?

#bendy the illusion of living #bendy in nightmare run #bendy crack up comics #bendy crack up comics spoilers #bendy the illusion of living spoilers #tiol #tiol spoilers #the illusion of living spoilers #crack up comics spoilers #bendy theory #batim theory #binr theory #tiol theory #joey drew

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remmushound · 4 years

Text

Turtle mix and match; part 1, team one - 2003 Leonardo, 2018 Raphael, 1987 Donatello, 2014 Michelangelo, 2012 April.

The first of a short fic called Turtle Mix and Match! The turtles and April’s of five different worlds are mixed up, and chaos ensues!

Leonardo woke up, except it wasn’t like waking at all. It was like the blink of an eye, and the dojo of his sewer home changed into a building on the surface, old and haunted by the smell of mildew and cobweb. A building without any sign of life, vines creeping through shattered windows and the air still enough to send a chill up his shell.

He felt almost numb with astonishment as he took a step and the old rotted floor nearly gave way beneath his heavy form. He jumped out of the way before it could take him down with it, catching himself in a roll that sent him tumbling out into open air. He was on earth— or at least somewhere similar— but everything around him seemed almost apocalyptic in its isolation. Every building (the ones he could see that is) were the same as the one he had found himself in; old, overgrown, and dead. Dead in the sense that there were no humans, but in their place plants and weeds grew through the cracked asphalts and forgotten walkways, making a new world out of the stone. Beautiful, in a way, like something out of a fairy tale.

“This has the Shredder written all over it...”

“HELLO!”

The voice was distant, but it was something. Something living, something to break the silence. Something other than himself that was trapped just as he was. He ran toward the shout, pressing on through the tangled vines and getting himself snagged on thorns more than once; by the time he made it through to the other side, small beads of blood speckled his green skin, but the scratches were nothing to him.

“Hey! HEY!”

He saw their silhouettes from afar, two of them, but as he started to close the distance between them, both he and the other team stopped dead in their tracks. One silhouette was massive, even larger than Raphael, with a broad shell in clear view even against the suns blinding light. The second figure was small, his head just barely reaching the larger ones chest, a weapon in his hand. A bo staff in his hand...

“Donnie... Raph?”

“Eh. Not quite.” The smaller turtle said as he and his companion continued to approach until Leonardo could make out the details of their appearance.

“MIKEY?! Oh... oh wow, you really are... Donnie... and Mikey? Holy shell.”

“Don’t go passing out on us, now.” The monstrous excuse for a Michelangelo said. “Man, is everyone else here gonna be shorties? Gotta admit, kinda digging being the bigger brother for once.

“Do you remember me?” Donatello asked.

“Oh my god...” Leonardo laughed and let out a heavy sigh. He remembered four tiny turtles invading his world almost a year prior. He rubbed his face to bring himself back to reality, “yo— you’re—“

“Listen, we’re just as confused as you.” The Donatello said.

“Yeah! I didn’t even get to finish my pizza!” The Michelangelo said, and then quickly pouted, “and it was a good one too.”

“I remember you.” Leonardo Said, pointing to Donatello. “I do! I— I do remember!”

“And I remember you; this guy is from a third timeline.”

“There’s three?!”

“Technically, there should be infinite worlds, but there’s no telling how many of us are here right now.”

“Where exactly is here?” Michelangelo asked, to which both Leonardo and Donatello shrugged.

“No clue.” Donatello said.

“All I know is one second I was training with my brothers in the dojo and the next I’m in some wasteland! This has to have been Shredder— or the Damiyo’s son, he did this once before.”

“Who?” Mikey inquired.

“Listen, We’re all in the same boat here!” Donatello got in between the orange and blue turtles, barely half their size but standing strong eight way, “You wanna find your brothers and we wanna find ours— the easiest way to do that is to work together—“

The speech was interrupted by a powerful crash rippling through the air and making all three mutants nearly jump out of their shells in shock.

“Well... that sounds like a place to start?” The Michelangelo suggested with a shrug.

“Come on.” Leonardo almost immediately shook away the panic growing in him so it could be replaced with a determined curiosity. “Let’s go.”

~~~

He was alone. That was all he knew; he was alone and he was scared and he had no idea where he was, but he was surrounded by enemies. The shadows in the corners of his eyes, gone in a flash when he turned to look, fading away to be replaced with more monsters. Monsters monsters monsters. Monsters that wanted to peel him out of his shell and eat him whole. Danger. Dangerous monsters that would kill him if he didn’t kill them first.

Kill... kill... smash... smash them to pieces!

He had to crush them, but he could never move fast enough and each blow came crashing down on something else— on trees and bushes and anything in his path that could be hiding a monster.

“Raph?!”

~~~

The giant, lumbering beast turned to face them. His mouth hung open and foam dripped out over his chin, a yellowed snag tooth protruding out over his bottom lip and glistening with his slobber. When he spoke, his voice was slow and slurred like a drunk person, his white eyes glistening back to color.

“Brothers?” The spiked Raphael said.

“Finally!” Michelangelo groaned, motioning toward the Raphael, “Someone else with clothes on!”

“BROTHERS!”

The seven foot mutant charged them and Leonardo reached for his katana, pulling the blade into a defensive position. The snapper skidded to a stop, a hurt look spreading across his face as he gave a pout.

“Leo...?” He shook his head, and his voice changed, “Leo? You’re... not Leo...”

“Take it easy.” Donatello held his hands up in a peaceful surrender.

“You’re not Donnie... you’re not Mikey...”

“We are!” Donatello said, “Technicslly. Just not the ones you’re used to.”

“Oh...”

“Do you remember what you were doing before you were teleported here?” Leonardo asked, keeping his weapon ready in case the Raphael went savage again; he could see the destruction left in the wake of the massive beast and could only imagine what would happen if that was turned on a human— or a mutant.

“Yeah, I was in the middle of a Lou jitsu marathon!”

Donatello stroked his chin curiously, “Do you have any enemies who might’ve... had it out for you?”

“There’s Big Mama.” He suggested.

“And I have Kraang. Maybe... maybe our enemies are working together? I can’t see why any one enemy would want to go against all of us— especially those they’ve never even met! Unless it was some type of mistake...” Donatello trailed off into his own thoughts.

Leonardo took a deep breath. “The best thing we can do is look for anything that might tell us what happened, to us or our brothers, and work from there.”

“Good thinking, Leo!” Raphael seemed far too accepting of the situation, “Okay Mad Dogs, follow me!”

Nobody moved.

Raphael looked between the turtles and gave an awkward hand signal.

“Follow me...?” He repeated slower.

“Why?” Leonardo asked slowly.

“Why?” Raphael looked around and gave an awkward laugh, “c... cause I’m the leader?”

Silence was all the statement begot, followed soon after by a howling laughter from the other three mutants.

“What’s so funny?” The Raphael huffed.

“Wait— you—“ Michelangelo fought for his breath through the laughter, “you’re serious?”

“Yeah, obviously!”

That only brought more laughter.

“Is there something I should know about?!” Raphael put his hand on his hip. “Or are y’all just laughing for no reason?”

“Uh, yeah. We have a reason.” Leo gave a last chuckle. “I’m the leader.”

Raphael was taken aback by that. “No... I am...”

“Nuh uh. Me. Always been be.” Leonardo insisted.

“That— that can’t be! That’s impossible!”

“Here we go.” Michelangelo covered his ears.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Leonardo shot back.

“Oh no...” Donatello hid behind Michelangelo.

“Because we both can’t be leader! Or wait... maybe...” Raphael’s eyes met Leonardo’s, “we... co-lead...?”

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kyluxtrashpit · 3 years

Text

2020 Fic Recap

I really like writing these and 2020 has been a HELL of a year, so here we go lmao. It’s been a wild ride for sure

Total wordcount: 88 109 words (note: I’m subtracting the ‘sorry I didn’t finish this, here’s a summary of the remaining plot’ that I published for a fic in a previous fandom from this since it’s not relevant here). Overall I wrote less than last year, but given all that happened in terms of the world and personally and fandom-wise and all of it, I don’t feel too bad about it lmao. I also have a lot of WIP words of half-finished things and some planning and such so I feel okay with this

Favours, 4906 words, posted Jan 4

This was a weird one cause this is a two chapter reader insert fic, the same story but told with both Phasma and Hux. I originally wrote this for Phasma, but later decided it would be easy to tweak into a Hux story (which it was lmao) and figured people might like that, so I did both. I had fun doing it, even if this is kind of a very small niche ship and trope wise

Know Your Shadow, 5022 words, posted Feb 16

Ah yes, here we are, the first foray into renben, a ship I had NO idea would grab me so hard but here we are lmao. I’m not done with them either yet, don’t you worry. There’s something about the corruption angle I really like, also Ren is HOT, and it’s also interesting to think about Kylo truly getting to find himself and be who he wants to be. Canon didn’t really satisfy on this, but the concept still interests me and it’s what had me writing this fic. Also, Ben losing his virginity to an older man like Ren is just *chef’s kiss*

Public Indecency, 3719 words, posted Mar 1

And my second renben! This was partially inspired by art and partially by just the idea of not giving one single fuck, and how thrilling that must be for someone like Ben to experience. Ren and the KOR truly do not give a shit and it’s really beautiful in a way. Plus some hinting at found family with the KOR. Ngl, Ben/Kylo finding his place and acceptance with the KOR makes me so Soft and there’s so many words I could write about it. Plus public sex is very hot lmao

Beautiful, 3254 words, posted Mar 8

Back to kylux, and this one was an old WIP I started back when the prompt was first posted on KHK in like 2019 or something. I got stuck on it and then left it for a while. I was digging through my old WIPs, looking for something that might catch my interest and boom, this one did, so I finished it and then posted it. I quite like the fic and it’s a bit more in the ~classic~ style. It’s also always a good feeling to get an old WIP done lmao

Choose Your Destiny, 5077 words, posted Mar 20

More renben and this was my fix it fic for ROKR vol 4. I talked about this more on twitter at the time and why I found the story as it was unsatisfying, but ultimately it’s really just a case of rushed writing and playing into established bad writing (e.g. showing a fall from grace by having someone kill someone eviler than themselves). I also really liked Ren and I felt like Kylo didn’t really get to have enough agency in like... any of it. His motivations were weirdly absent as well, despite this being ostensibly about him. So I wrote this, which I think handled how the story should have gone a lot better and, plus, it’s got smut!

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Show of Devotion, 2479 words, posted Mar 28

Renben once again and this time, I mean, it’s all inappropriate use of lightsabers lmao. I was looking at the Ren and was like ‘wow that is SO phallic’ and then the horny brain turned on and, well, here we are. I also wanted a side of found family with the KOR and I think got that with this. It’s horny. It’s fun. What more could one want?

Aural, 2729 words, posted May 12

Okay this one... I have absolutely no excuses for lmao. I’m not even sure where the inspiration came from, I just remember I was in an online work meeting that was boring and the entire sequence of events played itself out in my head. It was all I could do to focus on work for the rest of the day and not immediately write this cursed creation lmao. The worst part was I’d been totally blocked on writing since March and this, THIS, was what eventually broke out of me. In case you haven’t read this one, it’s ear sex. Hux’s dick, Kylo’s ear. No, I don’t know the logistics either. But hey, I had a blast with it, both in terms of writing it and the reactions lmao. Someday I gotta write a follow up involving a nose too

Missed Chances, 10 749 words, posted Jun 7

Ah yes, this is the point where my renben met my kylux and created this absolutely enormous peanut butter cup of a fic lmao. It really was supposed to be like half the length it was, but alas, it was not. Also cockblocking kylux was SO hard, they wanted to fuck SO bad, but I had to stop them, the story demanded it lmao (and people in the comments were MAD, which is always excellent). It’s also when my renben series really started to have like, an overarching plot (aside from the modern au fics which I’ll talk about later). I even still have more instalments planned

Free Use, 6971 words, posted Jun 23

Another one that turned out far longer than initially planned, and also my most popular fic this year! I’m both surprised and not cause like. It’s a complete smut fest + my heavy headcanoning of the personalities of the KOR. People like smut, but I also feel it’s kinda niche considering how deep I’m in for the KOR lmao. So idk, I guess the smut won out. I did have a lot of fun with this one and there’s a lot of characterization thought put into each KOR, so it was really nice to see people loving that as much as I did. Canon gave us crumbs, but I just used them to make meatballs

Eat You Up, 1573 words, posted Jul 5

There’s not a lot to this one, it’s really just renben rimming cause the sexual dynamic with renben is so fun. Kylo/Ben is inexperienced yet eager and depraved enough to impress Ren, which is something considering I think of Ren as Very Experienced lmao. I really do love this ship; it’s a lot of fun to play with

In the Vents, 2002 words, posted Aug 3

Ah and this was my first piece for the stuck inside event on twitter, which I had a lot of fun with. Stuck fetish is one I’ve always wanted to explore, but never had any concrete ideas for. This event led to me finally getting to have Kylo stuck in a wall (plus more as well), which was fun. Also I spent far too long thinking about Hux’s vent contraption set up cause I knew he would never let Millie go anywhere that might hurt her, so I had to come up with a way to make the vent safe and here we are lmao. Hux being an engineer and also the most extra cat owner in existence worked out very well indeed. This was also the start of my creativity boom near the middle-end of the year that uh kinda burned out in a not so great way, but I’ll talk about that later lmao

Distraction, 3658 words, posted Aug 6

Another for the stuck inside event and another kylux/renben sandwich! Also featuring the KOR this time! Listen... it’s a gangbang, it’s got renben, it’s got kylux, it’s got Kylo getting stuffed from all ends... this is the kind of fic that, to me, is pure indulgence lmao. I had a tremendous amount of fun with it

Entrapped, 3484 words, posted Aug 8

So this was also for the stuck inside event (yes, I wrote 3 fics in about a week lmao - I don’t know how I did it either) and it’s darker than the sort of things I usually write. I enjoyed exploring something like this though, something outside my usual purview. It didn’t perform super well, but tbh the dark ones rarely do so lmao

Pit Stop, 1505 words, posted Aug 31

Welp, this is just an excuse for watersports lmao. I like piss, what can I say? And I’ve done it to kylux, so I had to do it to renben, and the modern au ‘need to pee on a road trip’ seemed like the perfect opportunity for it. Not much to say for it really

The Deal, 2431 words, posted Sep 3

Ah and this one here was the first for the throwback event I ran on twitter! The event itself ended up kind of being tainted by drama from one singular person who kind of ruined it by being a jerk for literally no good reason, but I’m not going to talk too much about that. Even with that, I still greatly enjoyed it and this piece might be my favourite from it as a whole. Kylo Amidala, political scandals, neither of them being nice... ahhhh yes, it definitely brought me back lmao

Devotion, 1929 words, posted Sep 10

Another for the throwback event, this time with Emperor and Hound dynamics which, unf, yes, I will literally never get tired of it. I really had fun with every fic from this event and this one was great because I so rarely get to write real action scenes, even if they’re in a flashback here. That and the dynamic itself really made it fun

To Be Wanted, 10 473 words, posted Sep 16

Ah yes, and here is my KBB for the year! I did a minibang this time, as, well, everything was going horribly wrong around the time of sign ups and I thought a mini would be more realistic. I think I was right on that and I’m glad I did it, even if I was torn at the time. The idea itself is one I’d been thinking about for a while. I can’t remember if I thought of it after seeing the leaks for tros or after watching the movie itself, but it’s been with me for a while and while I dithered over whether or not to sign up this year, the idea came back and was just perfect for a minibang. Plus I got an absolutely amazing and wonderful partner, which is really what makes the experience of doing bangs so great. I love this fic, I LOVE the art for it, and the whole experience was definitely a highlight to 2020 as a whole, both overall and in terms of my fandom/writing experience this year

Floss Me, 2033 words, posted Sep 21

My third for the throwback event and also the dental fetish fic I’ve wanted to write for a while now lmao but could never figure out a scenario for. As some of you may remember, 2018-2019, I went through some pretty horrific dental stuff and ultimately I think it kinda gave me a fetish lmao. Also I feel like there may or may not have been a kinky flossing prompt on one of the prompt sites at some point, but I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it so. But anyway, it was a fun fic for a kink I think is quite underrated tbh

The Cost of Certainty, 2541 words, posted Sep 25

My fourth and final piece for the throwback event, and this one is also a contender for my favourite piece from that event. I have always loved the idea of Hux being a serial killer and this was a perfect excuse to write it. I’d also recently finished a rewatch of Hannibal and, well, you can see where this came from lmao. I love writing tension and it was just very fun all around. I almost wish I’d done something like this as a long fic but tbh I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed writing it as much

Huxloween Drawings, 676 words, posted Nov 1

So this isn’t a fic but rather the drawings I did for huxloween, but people wanted them on ao3, so posted they are. Now, I mentioned above that I had this massive creative boom in Aug-Sep, but that it burned out rather badly. This is when that happened. I got into this place where I just... felt like everything I made wasn’t wanted or needed in the fandom. That everything I like is so unpopular at this point that I should just give up and leave. That I’ve spent all this time and energy over the years trying so desperately to get people engaged and so few ever cared and I just... ugh. It was bad. It was really bad and definitely partly fuelled by the bullshit that someone brought up regarding the throwback event (and I still believe that they are the sole cause of it’s poor reception). I, uh, am doing better now and still working through it all but it was a really rough time. But I found myself still wanting to be creative so I decided to draw. I am not good at drawing. I am not an artist. But that’s what made it fun: I went into each drawing knowing it wasn’t gonna look great. That wasn’t the point. So I never got upset about it. I think it helped me a lot tbh and I did really enjoy it and I’m glad I did it

Unconventional, 7243 words (in progress), updated Dec 20, first posted Nov 18

So the next part of me trying to fix the bullshit in my brain creativity-wise was to post the first chapter to this fic. This is a piece I’ve been working on since 2016-2017 (I don’t remember exactly when, but it was pre-TLJ, and I’ve gotten a new computer since so I don’t have the original creation date of the document) but I could just... never get a plot together for it and ever since I abandoned a fic in my old fandom (and this year I finally posted the ‘sorry this isn’t getting finished, here’s a closure summary’ chapter), I’ve been hesitant to post WIPs before being at least 80% done. So I said fuck it, I’m gonna post this and not be scared. Is this fic complete? Nope, but the plan is starting to come together. Do I know exactly where it’s going? Nope, but I don’t need to. Is it self-indulgent as all hell? Absolutely. I love this fic and I love this story and I love the concepts within it. So I posted it and tbh, it really helped. And I think this, combined with my writing break where I drew for 31 days straight lmao were really my saving graces here

Test Run, 3661 words, posted Dec 31

And now my final fic of the year! Which is a ship I honestly wasn’t super into (I don’t hate it, it just generally doesn’t do much for me) but then I did that thing where I thought ‘hmm but could it be written in a way that I am into?’ which, in my experience, always leads to me writing exactly that. Which is what I did here lmao. I’m pretty happy with it though and despite it being very strange to write, as I really had to work to get these two to get where they were going lmao, I had fun with it. I honestly doubt I’ll write more of them, but I’m glad I wrote this one, and I think it’s a good experiment to close out the year with

What have I learned?

Honestly, this year was a clusterfuck lmao. 2019 wasn’t great for me either, but we all lived through this and it was certainly An Experience. I think what this year really helped me focus on was what made me happy. I ended up in some dark places and I don’t want to go there again. It feels repetitive to say that, once again, I have learned that writing what I want is key when I say that every damn year, but tbh I think 2020 underscored it even more so. Spite as a motivator, when used to much, smothers the spark of creativity and the joy of creation. The most important lesson I learned this year by far is to not let that take the driver’s seat. A dash here and there? That’s fine. But as your main motivator? That’s just not healthy. And I need to work to keep it from consuming me like it has been for too long

Goals for 2021?

So last year I didn’t set any hard goals and boy, is it a good thing I didn’t, cause I achieved none of them lmao. I didn’t write more words (though I did write more individual fics, and the word count gap between this year and last is about the size of the difference between a big bang fic and a mini bang fic so really, I think I did okay), I didn’t even write a single fic for BTHB, and, to be really honest, I did not manage to keep my love for writing alive the whole time. I was in a really dark place a few times this year, but that drop in Sep-Oct was the worst from a creative standpoint. I feel like I’m mostly out of it now, even if I still have some work to do maintaining it. I’m hopeful for the future in that regard. The only thing I really did accomplish was that I feel positively towards all the fics I wrote; I’m happy and proud of all of them

So what is my goal? Honestly, I feel like every year I have to relearn the lesson of ‘write what you want, have fun, be self-indulgent, fuck expectations, etc.’ and my goal this year is to not have to relearn that again, but to keep that energy and carry it with me for the whole year. I realize I may have to put some effort in there, but I’m okay with that. I don’t know what 2021 has in store, but if I can just keep my passion alive and not fall into that pit again, I’m calling it a win

#kylux #renben #hey I'm not late this year lmao #it's been an interesting one that's for sure #anyway I'm happy with all my fics this year which is good #but I need to keep working at keeping my head in the right space #which will likely take some practice #but I'm off to a good start #and I have good feelings about the future in that regard #so here's to a 2020 full of writing about kylo getting railed to high heaven #and to a 2021 full of the same!#my fic #long post #shut up nerd

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madame-fouquet · 3 years

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2020 Anime Retrospective

With the end of the year here, and all the anime that came with it now behind us, I feel like looking back and reminiscing on it. So, following the style of ANN's own yearly retrospectives, may I present my 2020 anime in review! Enjoy.

Best of the year: Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken

This is actually not the first time Yuasa and his crew of, let's be honest, visionaries have rolled something special out right at the beginning of the year in some weird power move against everything else that has to follow it. They did it back in 2018 with Devilman Crybaby, and then they hit us this year with Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken. You ever have one of those shows where you're just constantly in awe of everything it does? Where you never found yourself chasing merch or hunting after content based off it online, but you consistently find yourself thinking about it? Yeah, that's what Eizouken did to my brain after I watched it. It was such an earnest love letter to anime and anime production, to animation in general, that I couldn't help but get sucked into its imagination and enthusiasm. The way it was able to so perfectly illustrate that pure, boundless, childlike joy that one can derive from the simple act of creating, I'd be lying if I didn't say that it had a powerful effect on my own desire to continue creating. (Corny as that sounds, it's true.) The sheer amount of love it contains, and the equal amount it puts out into the world make it so I know I am going to be thinking about it again and again for a long long time.

Runner-up: Akudama Drive

I don't know if it's really quite a matter of my two favorites being opposites, but there are definitely some pretty sharp stylistic and tonal differences between my two top shows this year. Akudama Drive's cocaine-fueled bender of an intro episode made it very clear what it's intentions were and what it wanted us to be prepared for. That doesn't mean I had ANY idea of where it was headed narratively, but I did know I was in for one hell of a ride. And it delivered is spades on that promise. The twists and turns, no matter how insane, illogical, or steeped in tropes they were, were all such a colorful energetic spectacle that it would be hard to hold anything against the series. Every character was such a force that I didn't really consider any of them a weak point. Yeah, some of them were more or less cardboard cut-outs of antagonistic elements, but when the cardboard cutout looks REALLY FREAKING COOL, it's hard to get too torn up over the details. It's a show that oozes style and knew EXACTLY what it wanted to do and be, and I have to respect that.

Runner-up-up: Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun

The next few entries aren't really in any sort of order, I actually found it near impossible to sort anything below my top two. Hanako-kun however does hold a bit of a special place for me though because, at least from a stylistic standpoint, it hits so many of my buttons. Just visually this show is the exact kind of thing my younger self would have latched onto immediately, even before knowing anything about the actual content. I suppose not much has really changed though. I'm absolutely in love with the animation style of Hanako-kun, and I got really lucky that there is an interesting story and delightful cast of characters underneath that visual splendor. Along with the sharp lines, intense colors, and soft characters, I'm also a sucker for contemporary supernatural mysteries. That's a fancy way of saying one of my favorite shows as a kid was The X-files, but both make the point pretty well. The world of Hanako-kun has a lot to offer, and I can only hope it gets a second season so we can continue to delve into it's beautiful and terrifying mysteries.

Runner-up-up: Kaguya-sama: Love is War Season 2

I know a lot of people will be talking about this one when it comes to “Best of” lists. I know a lot of people were talking about the first season when it reminded us just how funny anime can be back in 2018. Absurd high school comedies (Is that a genre?) could definitely be considered my favorite. Hell, of my top five favorite anime of all time, THREE of them fall under that category. So believe me when I say Kaguya-sama absolutely deserves the deluge of praise it receives. For what describing something as “laugh out loud” is worth, this show had me constantly needing to pause it just so I could finish laughing at whatever ludicrously funny misfortune had just befallen it's cast of lovable morons. The thing is though, Kaguya-sama understands that you can't just earn love and goodwill on laughs alone, there needs to be a beating heart at the center of all the shenanigans. And when this season had me actually cheering on and feeling sorry for Ishigami of all people, I knew that beating heart was present and accounted for. Look, the cast are all self-centered idiots, but I'll be damned if they aren't also my dear children who I delight in watching slowly grow and become slightly less self-centered idiots.

Runner-up-up: Dorohedoro

When the Dorohedoro anime was first announced, a lot of my experience was watching a group of people online scream about how they were so pumped that it was finally getting an anime. I had never heard of it before, but the excitement was very real and tangible. And I gotta say, sometimes you need to believe the hype. I've never been one to shirk a series just because it was CG animation, (Watch ID-0 dammit!) but Dorohedoro makes a strong case for why people shouldn't sleep on something based solely on it's animation. The dirty, grease-encrusted world of Hole is brought to life with plenty of flair and style that, I feel, the CG didn't hold back at all. What I had seen said was that for a long time Dorohedoro was kinda considered “unanimateable” but I think MAPPA did the iconic manga a fair amount of justice. Even if pulpy ultra-violence isn't normally your thing, I still highly recommend giving Dorohedoro a look, it might just end up being a hole worth going down.

Honorable Mention: Show By Rock!! Mashumairesh!!

I know what you're thinking, but hear me out. The first Show By Rock!! was definitely an indulgence for me. While not something I considered a high level series by any stretch: messy plotting, shallow characters, a weird isekai angle, a lackluster finale, and an even MORE lackluster second season, it still got is hooks into me with its sheer energy and fluffy charm. So despite the, as mentioned, rough second season, I was more than happy to check out the new series in the franchise. And boy was I glad I did. Mashumairesh!! takes all the heart and sweetness that worked for the first series and dials it up. It then took a hard look at a lot of what DIDN'T work in the first series, and manages to fix most of the issues. Removing the isekai angle and the whole existential threat thing, and just letting the series be a “slice-of-life but in an electric animal filled music world” did wonders for the direction and consistency. Add to that more properly fleshed out characters, and you get a series that is far stronger than it's progenitor. The next series, Show By Rock!! Stars!!, will be adding back the cast from the first series, and that could very well be a sign that it will be falling back into its old habits, but the presence of the Mahumairesh!! girls gives me hope that it might have a chance of staying the new, far better course.

Worst of the Year: Digimon Adventure:

This one really hurts to say. What hurt more was how quickly I knew what show I'd be electing for this position. One thing to clarify is that I would not nominate a series that I'd only watched one or two episodes of, that's just not fair. So the award was bound to go to something I had at least dedicated a decent amount of my time too. And in any other year this may have gone to something that was more my “least favorite” or had an ending that disappointed me. But unfortunately I have to be honest and sit here and tell you that the newest entry in the Digimon franchise was easily the worst thing I watched this year. I have been a long time Digimon fan. Ever since I was but a wee lass watching the original Digimon Adventure premiere on Fox Kids at a family reunion, I have always considered the franchise a sort of cornerstone of my anime fandom. So please understand the excitement I had felt when I found out they were doing a full on remake of that flagship series. Imagine how absolutely pumped I was when the bombastic movie-like premiere of Digimon Adventure: wowed us with everything it delivered, and all the promises of what was to come. And then imagine my disappointment, my despair as the show devolved until it showed us what it really was during the finale of the Fake Tokyo arc. I would call it a production meltdown, but considering the precedent that got set back in episode 10 during the already shaky Ultimate Evolution arc, has been so clearly informing everything up to the current episodes in the early 30s, I have to be honest with myself and admit: this is what we were going to get all along from day one. All of the heart that had made the original series so endearing, despite its own flaws, just isn't present here. What you get here is just a non-stop (and I mean non-stop) string of barely related fights with poorly-defined stakes, or sometimes no real stakes at all. It's just one ugly set piece fight after another as the children chase after vaguely implied evils. I think the most damning thing is how much more I could say about just how much this series has let me down. Like I said, this one hurts.

Best Theme-Song of the Year: Night Running (BNA)

My opinion of BNA as a series is complex. But my opinion of its ED, Night Running, is simple: Its a god-damned bop! I could spend this whole section talking about the artistry of the ED animation itself, its fun and creative use of color, the slight variations for certain episodes, the focus on character, or the fact that it was done by an American animation team. I could even talk about the song's importance to the series as a whole and its place in the narrative. I won't though. The fact of the matter is that even without all that, I STILL probably would've picked Night Running as my best of the year because as a song it is just that much my jam. This is the kind of shit I could listen to on repeat for hours, days, weeks, and still keep coming back to it. Don't get me wrong, Ready To is a damn powerful and catchy tune that goes hard, but at the end of the day, I'm a sucker for a soulful pop tune like Night Running. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWTFfEnMCCc

Best Character: Sayaka Kanamori

This was actually probably the hardest category for me to decide on. It was stuck hard between Eizoken's Kanamori and Akudama Drive's Doctor. I know those are a powerfully different pair in basically every way, but it was specifically for their startling differences that both characters stuck out to me so much. In the end though, it was the poignant rounding out of, and emotional hooks of Kanamori's character that let her triumph over her delightfully two-dimensional opposition. Kanamori already had me from episode one. In a show that I wasn't really worried about the usual diversions of anime ingestion like picking a favorite character, Kanamori sealed herself as “Best-girl” from the word go. I have mad respect for a girl who knows what she wants, and has a clear idea of how she's going to go about getting it (See also: Doctor.) But Kanamori was more than a driving desire for success and money. Underneath her unstoppable ambition there was a very real, very relatable driving impetus. She stood apart, and yet still believably vulnerable and invested in the people she associated with. It was always a blast watching her suffer as the only thing keeping the more creative minds on track, and yet she was never reduced to a simple task master; her love and respect for her friends was always clearly visible. I could go on and on about how Kanamori is a nearly perfect character, but I hope I've said enough already without having to resort to senseless rambling.

Best Moment: Howan confesses her feeling to Himeko (Show By Rock!! Mashumairesh!!)

By the time episode six rolled around, Mashumairesh!! had already shown marked improvements over its progenitor in basically every area. Not only was the story in a better place by focusing on what had worked in the original series, (Ya know the BAND part of this show about bands) but the cast was also doing a good job of standing out from their seniors and feeling more equally rounded out. Where the original series had just kinda been the Cyan show with guest stars, I felt like I had an actual grip on all four of the main girls now. There were however the usual issues that come with a cute-girls-doing-cute-things series, chief among them the “ambiguously gay member of the group who constantly reacts with clear romantic interest towards the main protagonist but the writing will never actually do anything with those feelings” trope. Retoree had spent the better part of the first two seasons fawning over Cyan only for nothing to come of it and, despite the increased focus on all of the girls this time around, it looked like we were going to get the same old song and dance with Himeko's feelings towards Howan. But then the climax of episode six hit and, midst a really intense subplot about Himeko's abandonment complex, Howan comes out with a straight up love confession. And I kept waiting for the usual dead-ends these moments always seem to have. The “I love you! I love the girls too! I love the band!” Or a “I love being with you.” and the dreaded, “I love having you as my most precious friend.” But none of that happened. It was a full on heart-felt, “I love you, Himeko. I want to stay with you forever!” I'm just not used to getting that sort of straightforwardness from my silly little band shows, so I was shocked, but also completely overjoyed. And frankly the series just kept getting better from there. The evolution of their relationship built off that moment, no dreaded resetting of the status quo. I daresay it was on the power of this moment alone that I wanted to include this series in my top five at all. If there was anything I would want other anime to take from Mashumairesh!! it's that it's okay to introduce radical changes to character relationships partway through a season, and it's okay to let characters unequivocally state their feelings for each other. People will respond positively to that earnestness, I promise.

#anime #keep your hands off eizouken!#sayaka kanamori #akudama drive #toilet-bound hanako-kun #kaguya sama wo kataritai #kaguya-sama love is war #dorohedoro #show by rock #show by rock mashumairesh!!#howan #mashima himeko #digimon #digimon adventure:#BNA #Brand New Animal #Night Running

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