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tightjeansjavi · 5 months

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⟡ sentiments n’ bubbly ⟡

A/N: so, this one another one of my post shower thoughts that has now transformed into this little fic 🥹 this time of the year is a struggle for myself and for others, and I hope it can bring us all a bit of peace before the new year 🤍

~word count: 4.5k~

pairing | Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: it’s NYE and you find yourself in Joel Miller’s coffee shop. He’s a firm believer that no one deserves to spend New Year’s Eve alone.

Warnings: angst, fluff, no age gap, discussions of self image issues, bullying, food/eating, language, anxiety, fear of social situations, fomo, mentions of therapy, NYE blues, self deprecating thoughts, flirting, meet-cute, no outbreak/modern day AU, Sarah and Tommy exist in this universe, soft!joel, mentions of alcohol, reader has no physical descriptions such as body type or skin color, some content included may be triggering for some as Joel and the reader have some very real conversations about life. +18 minors dni!

It’s New Year's Eve. The official last day of the year. A whole 365 days has come and gone, and yet, you find yourself feeling the same way you did last year. It wasn’t like you had a particularly terrible life or anything of the sorts, but you still had your struggles. Your daily contemplations over whether you were doing enough, being enough in your little life. You try to focus on all the good that happened in those 365 days of life.

All the laughter, smiles, the warm fuzzy feelings that you found yourself chasing more often than none. The bad times always find their way to trickle in and weasel into your conscience like an infection. The truth is that you know life comes with both good and bad memories. But why is it so hard to push back the bad? Why is it so easy to beat yourself down? You could have done this better, you shouldn’t have said the things you said, did you remember to turn your out of office on before you left the office?

Shit. There was that one email I didn’t get to.

Maybe you find yourself trying to cram in as many last minute tasks before the new year. Closet clean out? You haven’t worn that sweater in months..yet, you find yourself holding onto it because it was a gift from a dear friend, and you don’t want to unintentionally hurt their feelings by donating or regifting it.

Fridge clean out? Well, it does say that horseradish never expires..but you can never be too careful!

Clean your living space from top to bottom? Maybe next year you’ll invest in cleaner products for both the earth and your brain cells. Bleach can be awfully nasty to deal with.

Your phone buzzes on the coffee table in front of you. Leftovers are your meal of choice for the evening. You spent hours cleaning your kitchen, and you’d rather not have to do another wipe down till tomorrow.

Hey, are you sure you don’t want to come out with us tonight? We’re leaving in an hour!

It's not that you don’t want to go out with your friends, it’s the steps before getting out the door that have always been a struggle for you.

What if my outfit doesn’t look the way I planned it out in my head?

What if I completely botch this makeup look?

What if the club is too packed?

You hate feeling this way, often thinking you’re a burden to your friends because you're constantly planning ahead of time. Living in the moment for you has always been tough. A gray area that sometimes you have found yourself making peace with, and other times you just wish you could be different.

You reach for your phone while you’re already mentally planning the steps in order to get ready in time. Being late is never an option, even when it’s just a fun night out in town.

Hey, I thought it over and I’d love to come out with you guys :) see you soon!

You send the text in a flash before tossing your half eaten slice of pizza onto the coffee table and rush to your room.

You tear up every inch of your closet looking for the perfect outfit. It's New Year’s Eve after all, and you want to be shimmering like a grand disco ball.

The outfit is on, and you look great! It turned out even better than you pictured it in your head. But the longer you stare in the mirror.

Fuck. Can’t I just turn my brain off for one night? Please?

And there it is, again. That gnawing little voice inside your head that pops up, gleaming and waving its hand just in case you forgot that it existed.

You aren’t actually going to wear that..are you?

It looks all wrong.

And you’re going to be freezing—

Your friends are going to look 10x better than you—

“ENOUGH!” You shout to no one in particular before you stomp off to the bathroom.

After taking a deep breath, you pull out your array of makeup from one of the bathroom drawers. Pinterest becomes your best friend again while you scroll to find a makeup look that screams you.

Bold. Glittery. Too much glitter?

There is never such a thing as too much glitter. You remind that little voice inside of your head.

Even with your ‘going out playlist’ on full blast, you feel your confidence begin to shrink and diminish as you stare at your painted face in the mirror. It’s not exactly like the picture you found on Pinterest, but there’s no time for you to change it now.

Your phone buzzes again, and this time it’s your friends sending you a group picture of all of them pregaming in their glittery outfits and bright smiles. You heart the message before typing back,

Wow, you guys look amazing! Please don’t be mad, I’m just not feeling up for it tonight. I hope you guys have a blast and stay safe! :)

Your friends understand, because they know that this has always been a struggle for you. A sore spot that hasn’t exactly quite healed the way you wish it had. It’s hard to dig yourself out of a hole that you dug, but you're grateful that they have always been so understanding.

No worries, we love you, and Happy New Year!

And all you feel is guilt.

But instead of wallowing away in your apartment, you grab your coat, purse and keys before making the final decision to go out.

You find yourself outside of a coffee shop just down the block from your apartment. You passed by it everyday during your commute to work, but you never found yourself going in, until now.

The coffee shop is found to be empty as most people are already out to dinner or at a party. It’s somewhat comforting that it’s just you and the lone barista who hadn’t heard you come in yet. His back is turned to you while he wipes down one of the counters, humming to himself as he moves about.

You're immediately drawn into how cozy everything feels. From the decor to the crackling fireplace to the soft music playing through the speakers.

The man turns then, towel gently grasped in his hand when he finally registers that he’s no longer alone. He takes in your attire, finding it odd that someone all dressed up for the evening found themselves here. Then he remembered how his daughter told him it’s rude to judge strangers because you never know what the next person is going through.

He smiles warmly instead. “Hey there, I was uh—jus’ about to close up for the evenin’ but can I get you anythin?’” He’s got a face that you already know you’re going to have a hard time forgetting. Strong built frame, yet soft in all the right places and despite his exterior appearing to be hardened, he seems friendly enough.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I hadn’t noticed that you were closing up for the night..I don’t want to keep you here. I can always come back another time?”

He detects the way your face slightly begins to fall as he lightly taps his fingers along the counter top he just finished wiping down. “S’alright. I forgot to change the sign out front so that’s all on me. So, what can I get ya? It’s on the house.” He gestured to the menu board above his head.

You hesitated for a moment as you didn’t want to inconvenience this man who probably had his own New Year’s Eve plans to get to. “Are you..sure? I really don’t mind coming back another day.”

“S’alright, I promise. I don’t have anywhere important I need to be anyway.” He said with a slight shrug.

“No fun New Year's Eve plans? And I’ll take a cappuccino, please.” You stepped closer to the counter as you reached into your purse for your wallet.

“Nah. ‘Supposed to meet my brother at a bar nearby for a couple drinks, but he can wait a little longer.” He was already reaching his hand out to stop you from pulling out your wallet, when your eyes met his.

“For the tip.” You said with a smile while placing a couple five dollar bills into the tip jar.

“Oh, thank you. ‘Awfully kind of ya.” He responds softly, out of surprise because most people never bothered to tip. He might even be blushing a little..but he can’t really tell. Maybe it was just the steam from the espresso machine.

“It’s no problem. Gotta support small businesses, y’know?”

He nods in understanding. “Yeah, it’s the least people can do. Anyway, I’ll get that Cappuccino goin’ for ya. Feel free to sit wherever.” He gestured to the empty tables.

The table closest to the fireplace ended up being the one you ultimately chose. It happened to also be his favorite spot as well, go figure.

On any other occasion, Joel would call the customer's name once their drink was ready, but given the current circumstances..and the fact that he hadn’t asked for your name, bringing the coffee to you was perfectly acceptable.

“Here’s that Cappuccino for ya.” His voice drawled above you as he set the mug down in front of you. “Let me know if I can getcha anythin’ else. I’ll just be in the back finishin’ up with the cleanin.’”

“Thank you..” you start to say before realizing that you don’t know this man’s name either.

“Joel.” He clears his throat. “My name is Joel, and you are?..”

You tell him your name and he nods with a small smile.

You're left alone to your thoughts as his footsteps disappear behind the countertop once more. You can faintly hear him busying himself and putzing around as your cappuccino begins to cool without you realizing it.

You find yourself vacantly staring through the windows, and the dimly lit streets and passerby’s. You’ve always had a fond love for people watching and imagining what their lives were like. What their jobs and aspirations were. Did they have a family waiting for them? What made them happy? Would they be able to relate to you?

You don’t even hear Joel’s approaching footsteps nearing the table until he’s saying your name with an edge of concern in his voice because you’ve neglected to have a single sip of your cappuccino that has now become room temperature.

Your eyes meet his deep brown warm ones as your own sense of confusion washes over you.

“Is everythin’ alright? You haven’t touched your cappuccino at all..” he’s not offended, nor hurt, but the empath in him is genuinely concerned, even though you’re just a stranger in his coffee shop.

“Oh.” Your voice falls flat. “I’m so sorry, Joel. I guess I got lost in my own thoughts and completely forgot about it.” You feel bad, awful actually because he took the time to make you this drink, and all you had to do was just drink it—

“Hey, it’s alright. I find myself getting lost in my own thoughts as well. But, I can’t have ya drinkin’ a cold Cappuccino. I’ll make you a new one, alright? It’s no trouble at all.” He’s already reaching over to grab the mug.

“Joel, are you sure? You really don’t have to—”

He cuts you off reassuringly, “I insist. I won’t have my customer drinkin’ a cold Cappuccino on my watch. Ain’t no way.”

He disappears back behind the counter before you are able to protest. Joel returns 10 minutes later with two mugs in hand. You listen to the sound of the chair across from you scraping before he slowly sits down.

“I uh—hope you don’t mind me joinin’ ya? You jus’ seem like you could use some company, darlin.’ S’that alright for me to call you darlin?’”

He’s sweet like warm sticky molasses and honey. He actually might be the nicest guy you’ve met in a long long time.

“Oh, I don’t mind at all, Joel. I could actually use the company, and you can call me darling. That’s alright with me too.”

He smiles at you over the rim of his mug that is clasped between his hands. He gently blows on the billowing steam before he takes a small sip. “So, do you have any fun plans for the evenin’? I’m only assumin’ cus’ you’re all dressed up for a night out in town.” He gestures to your glittery getup that sparkles under the warm flames.

“Well, I did have plans to meet up with some friends tonight..but I wasn’t feeling up for it in the end and somehow ended up here.” You said with a sigh before taking a sip of your own Cappuccino. “This is delicious, by the way.”

“How come?..if ya don’t mind me askin?’ And I’m glad you’re enjoyin’ it. Tastes a lot better when it’s hot.”

The last thing you expected tonight was to engage in a conversation about your daily anxieties with this absolutely gorgeous man. Whom you just met, but crazier things have happened before.

“I don’t mind you asking, Joel. I just don’t want to burden you with my troubles or anything. Especially since I think they’re a bit silly and blown out of proportion.” Your eyes casted downwards into the mug.

“Hey, I doubt you can do that, and between you and me? I’ve heard it all. Got a teenage daughter who’s goin’ through all the things that I’m tryin’ to understand..but as a single father, it’s fuckin’ tough sometimes. But I’d be happy to act as a listenin’ ear for ya.” He genuinely means it, too.

“You have a daughter? How old is she? Teenagers can be a handful, that is very true.” You responded thoughtfully while leaning back against the chair.

You watch the way his eyes light up like a Christmas tree when you show a genuine interest in this man’s life. It’s sometimes a rare occurrence to meet a stranger who you feel like you can just immediately open up to without thinking too hard about it.

“She just turned 13 this year. She’s a good kid, super smart. The kinda kid that probably will end up growin’ up and changin’ the world. She’s..well, my world.” He clears his throat and you notice his dimple poking out in his cheek.

As if this man couldn’t become any more attractive.

“Anyway, she’s already goin’ through some friend and boy drama and it’s jus’ a lot to keep up with. Her mom ain’t in the picture either, so it’s not like I can turn to her for any guidance. She went to her first ever school dance this year in a dress that she picked out. The next thing I know, she’s callin’ me up in tears because some kids thought it was okay to make fun of how she looked. I know kids can be mean sometimes, but I wanted to go in there and teach those little shits a lesson myself.”

He was quite the protective father.

“Kids can be real bitches sometimes, Joel. I never quite understood it myself. Especially since I’m sure your daughter was just minding her own business and having a good time? I learned at a very young age that there’s a lot of jealous people in this world that enjoy causing pain in others for no apparent reason.They might have their own struggles, but that is no justification. Those kids that bullied your daughter will hopefully learn from their mistakes sooner rather than later.”

“She was just mindin’ her own and having a great time. She was so excited to wear her dress. It jus’ makes me so goddamn angry because I can’t protect her from everythin’ out there. It’s somethin’ that I’ve really struggled with this year especially. And I’ve tried to talk to my brother about it, but he doesn’t get it either.” Joel said with a sigh. “I’m glad that you can understand all of this though. I don’t really have any female friends to talk to about this stuff either.”

“Most kids grow out of their ‘mean’ phase after highschool. I can admit that I went through a phase similar to that. Made a lot of mistakes that I had to hold myself accountable for. But, with your love and support, I think your daughter is gonna end up being okay. She’s lucky to have you as a dad.” You reassure him.

“Really? You don’t seem like the type of person to ever hurt someone..then again, I ain’t perfect either. Never have been, never will. I’ve had my own regrets as well. But, I appreciate all that you’re sayin.’ S’Nice to be validated every now and then.” He leans forward with his elbows resting along the table and you’re just beginning to notice how broad his shoulders truly are under his faded flannel.

“I don’t think anyone can ever claim to be perfect. We don’t know everything and can make genuine mistakes. But all we can really do is learn from them, make it up to the people we may have hurt, and move forward. I think you’re a really nice person, based on our conversation, Joel.”

“You’re right, darlin.’ No one in this world can claim they are perfect. It's impossible.” His knee brushed yours gently from how close he was leaning in giving you a clear indication that he was actively listening to everything you were saying. “Anyway, I’m sorry I went off on that tangent jus’ now when we were talkin’ about your New Year’s Eve plans.”

“Dammit.” You sighed with a smile tugging on your lips. “I thought you forgot all about that.”

“Nah. I’m pretty good at rememberin’ even if I find myself havin’ to circle back. So, you didn’t feel up to meeting’ your friends tonight?”

“I was going to, truly. But I just got into my head way too much. It started with finding an outfit to wear. I absolutely tore my closet up and I’m really dreading having to clean it up later. Anyway, I’ve got the outfit on, right?”

He nods while taking another sip of his Cappuccino.

“I’m feeling great, and loving the way the outfit looks on me, and then there’s that stupid mean voice inside my brain. You know the one?”

“Ahh yeah. The voice that tells us that we’re unattractive and worthless? Like when we put on our favorite outfit and it’s not fitting quite right, and we know it’s silly to cry over clothes..but sometimes we just can’t help it? And that voice is right there beating us down because sometimes we forget that it’s natural for our bodies to change?”

Damn, he’s good.

“So...you hear that voice sometimes too? I honestly thought I was alone in this feeling. I tend to keep these thoughts to myself because I don’t want to burden others, y’know? I do see a therapist, though. It definitely has helped a lot, but I’m still struggling.”

“Darlin,’ I know exactly where you’re comin’ from. I had these favorite pairs of jeans that I would wear pretty much everyday. Well, just this past month I found that they ain’t fittin’ the way they used to. The zipper wouldn’t budge, and then I spent a good hour tryin’ all the tricks in the book to get those suckers to fit. Well, none of it worked and then I started beatin’ myself up. Sayin’ all the nasty names I could come up with. Then after all of that, I thought about all the delicious meals I had this year and especially these damn ice cream sundaes that my kid is obsessed with. Suddenly, the jeans not fittin’ didn’t bother me as much anymore.”

“Ice cream sundaes are delicious, and even more-so when you are enjoying them with your daughter. I pretty much went through the exact thing that you’re describing. I know that we shouldn’t give into the societal bullshit of looking a certain way to appear more attractive, but it’s just hard sometimes. That’s why I try to cycle through my closet every now and then so I’m not holding onto clothing that doesn’t fit me anymore. Did you end up keeping the jeans?..”

“She’s been requestin’ them for dessert pretty much every night, and I have a hard time tellin’ her no. They are absolutely delicious. It is definitely hard to pass them up sometimes. It’s comforting to know that other people go through the exact same thing that we’ve gone through. I did in fact donate the jeans, and then bought a new pair the same day. Wearin’ ‘em now actually, and I gotta say, I think I look quite good in ‘em if I do say so myself.” He said in a cheeky tone that sent heat rising on your cheeks.

“Well, I think you should stand up, if you feel comfortable doing so, that is, and let’s see what this jeans talk is all about.”

He grins at you, eyebrows playfully dancing while he sets his mug down along the table before pushing his chair back to stand up.

He gives you a little spin, one that neither you were expecting, but you could tell that he was having fun showing off his new denim.

“Okay, respectfully? Those jeans look amazing on you, they are very flattering, Joel.”

He laughs a warm and hearty laugh as his cheeks turn beet red from your words. Even if you’re just playing along, he’s feeling charmed by your presence.

“Really? Y’know, I was thinkin’ the same thing and a’that..but I’m a pretty humble guy.” He said sheepishly.

“Joel, screw being humble. You’re wearing those jeans like they’re made for you! You gotta own that.” You said with a giggle.

“Alright. Alright. If ya say so, darlin.’ I appreciate the compliment, but have ya taken a look at yourself tonight? You’re glitterin’ like a goddamn mirror ball. Gonna blind me with all that sparkle Y’got goin’ on.” He’s flirting, now. He’s absolutely shamelessly flirting with you.

You find yourself leaning forward then, close enough that he can see the pretty shimmer painted on your eyelids and your undeniable flirty smile.

“Joel, are you flirting with me right now?” You’re feeling bold, and curious to know if you were reading the signs correctly, or letting your brain run a muck in theories.

“I am, darlin.’ Is that..alright? Cus’ if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I can stop.”

“No, please continue to flirt away. I’m glad that you’re getting to see my outfit, Joel. I probably have glitter in places where glitter doesn’t belong.” You said with a light, airy laugh.

“You’ll be finding little bits of glitter all over the place well within the next year. Do you have any to spare?” He asked with a warm chuckle.

“Actually..I do have some to spare.” You reached for your purse along the side of the chair and pulled out your tube of glitter eyeshadow that you had brought just in case you needed any touch ups. “May I?”

“Oh, you really weren’t kiddin’ when you said you have some to spare, huh?” He leaned in closer to get a better look. “That’s a really pretty color, darlin.’ You think I can pull that off?”

“I don’t kid when it comes to my glitter, Joel.” You said teasingly. “I absolutely think you can pull this color off. But, I’ll need you to close your eyes so I can apply this more eveningly.”

“Okay, I’m trustin’ you, darlin.’” He slowly closed his eyes then and only flinched a little when he felt the applicator glide across his eyelid. “Sorry, wasn’t it expectin’ to feel that damn cold.” He murmured softly.

“No worries, Joel. It can be a bit ticklish at times.” You scooted your chair in closer to him so both of your knees were tucked in between his as you delicately applied the shimmering shadow. Your tongue was peeking out between your lips as you focused on the task at hand.

He tried to peek his eye open once, before you playfully scolded him and said, no peeking.

To which he grumbled out a response with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Am I pretty yet, darlin?’” He asked with his eyes still shut as you admired your work.

“Very pretty, Joel. Okay, you can go ahead and open them.” You pulled out a little handheld mirror from your purse and held it out for him to admire his appearance.

He opened his eyes, blinking a few times to get used to the feeling before he averted his attention to the mirror you were holding. “Oh, shit. Wow. Y’know what..I actually think I like it.” He looked over at you then before he realized how close you were sitting to him. “Thank you, darlin’ I feel like I’m a mirror ball too.”

“It really brings out your eyes, Joel. They were already pretty before, but now, they’re even more beautiful.”

You were already forgetting about how awful you felt earlier, and the guilty feelings for turning down your friend's offer to go out. It admittedly felt nice to talk to another person that shared more things in common with you than you realized. To be validated, and in turn, validate someone as well? It felt really, really good inside.

“So, now that we’re both glittered up, and it’s two hours till the start of the new year, would you maybe care to join me for a drink? Only if you’re feeling up for it, that is.” Joel asked you with his eyes flickering back to yours. Truthfully, he’s happy that you somehow found yourself in his coffee shop tonight. He can’t remember the last time he’s connected with someone on such a deep and personal level.

“I’d love to get a drink with you, Joel.” You don’t even second guess your answer, and if the feelings come up later, so be it. That little voice inside of your head is nowhere to be found as Joel offers you his arm.

You help him finish closing up for the night before the two of you find yourselves walking arm in arm to the bar that his brother Tommy was at. During your walk, you find yourselves falling back into conversation that flows easy like a steady stream. When you bring up feeling guilty for often being a homebody, he reassures you that wanting to spend a quiet evening with yourself is perfectly normal, and it’s something you shouldn’t feel ashamed of. He goes on to add that if you want to go out more, that’s perfectly okay to do as well. But you should never pressure yourself to go out and have a good time, if that’s truly not what you want to do.

And when you find Joel’s brother at the high top with a glass of bubbly in front of him, the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, “Joel, what is that on your face?” He leans in close to inspect the glitter shadow painted on Joel’s eyelids.

You and Joel turn to one another with two knowing smiles plastered on your faces before you laugh in unison, “it’s glitter, of course!”

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adonis-koo · 1 year

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sweet nothing • 4

(in which he has never been grocery shopping before)

↳ Description: being a guest at the Jeon Estate after a mishap of being kidnapped and dragged into your brothers affairs isn’t all that bad. Truth be told it brings you a lot closer to the mobster and owner of the estate Jeon Jungkook himself.

His two rules are simple, don’t cause trouble and don’t give him a hard time. Somehow you manage to constantly do both in the most endearing way despite being pregnant and waddling around most of the time.

↳ Pairing: Jungkook/reader, ???/reader

↳ Genre: slice of life AU, mafia!AU, pregnancy, there’s like…a little bit of a plot but not a lot, future smut? maybe? it's very domestic!

Word Count: 2.5k

Previous | Next

Note: for all my slice of life girlies!!! Here’s a lil treat 🫶 I’ve been having brain rot for sweet nothing the last couple of days so enjoy!!

When Jungkook had said he would take you anywhere, he meant it. Whether it was a two hour roadtrip or a two week trip to Morocco, he’d do anything and take you anywhere to make up for his absence the last week.

You had thought long and hard on it and when the time came to decide on your first weekly outing, Jungkook was truly prepared to take extra time off, just for you.

What he hadn’t expected was this.

“Y/n, remember when I said we could go anywhere?” Jungkook asked, trying to keep his sniffle quiet as he fixed his face mask and then adjusted the black ball cap he wore.

“Hm? Yeah?” You replied, beaming as you held your swollen tummy in excitement.

“I meant anywhere in the world. Not the grocery store.”

You glanced up at him, a shy smile on your face, “I know, but I’ve been wanting to cook for myself the last few days but you don’t have anything in the second kitchen. And staff won’t let me in the first.”

Jungkook frowned though you couldn’t see it, “Is the cooking not to your standard?”

“Oh no! The cooking is fine,” You smiled somewhat nervously, already noticing the look in his eyes which said he was close to whipping his phone out and firing people on the spot, “I just miss cooking for myself. Gourmet food is amazing, but nothing beats home cooking! I thought we could browse around and get some ingredients for a few dishes.”

Jungkook shrugged, “It’s your outing choice not mine. Let’s go.”

He opened the door to the small local grocery store, the bells jingling as he let you walk in first, the ladies at the registers greeting you both as you grabbed a grocery basket.

You browsed through the isles, admittedly curious to see what goods they sold, you had never come in before but had found it online after doing some looking because if Jungkook was coming with you, it would be best to try and be discreet, he was a CEO after all.

Granted he didn’t look discreet himself, even in casual clothes he was still in all black, black jeans, black leather jacket, black cap, black mask.

Oh and the gold Rolex on his wrist.

You briefly glanced at the shiny metal before looking back at the produce. Jungkook was practically glued to your back, leering over you with each product you picked up, looking as if he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“That’s ridiculously cheap.” He commented as you set the salad dressing back on the shelf.

You twisted around in surprise, “That’s eight dollars! That’s not cheap at all.”

Jungkook cocked his head to the side as if trying to figure out whether you were serious or not. This made you sigh as you felt a small kick in your stomach hand automatically grabbing the spot as you corrected yourself, “It’s not cheap for anyone who isn’t a millionaire.”

“Multi-millionaire.” Jungkook corrected as he reached back over, tossing it into the basket.

“Jungkook-”

“Not a word.” He replied, looking down at you chastising, “In fact.”

“Jungkook!”

“Give me that,” Jungkook grabbed the grocery basket from you, it was empty aside from the salad dressing that rolled about in it, “You’re pregnant you shouldn’t be carrying it anyways.”

“I can still carry things!” You replied indignantly, crossing your arms above your stomach.

“Yeah but should you?” Jungkook replied but cut you off before you could even try to reply, “Yeah I didn’t think so, moving on.” He pressed his hand into your back, giving you a gentle push to move forward.

Briefly in the peripheral of your eyes you could see an elderly couple giggle at your squabbling. You could feel the tips of your ears begin to burn as you without putting up a further fight, continued on, you didn’t want to make people think you and Jungkook were…

Your thought wasn’t continued at the sight ahead, instead a delight noise escaped you as you clasped your hands together, “Ah! Look at these, aren’t they just darling!” You sped over to the small clothing section but what had caught your eye was of course the baby clothes.

There was various sizing but newborn was what your eyes honed in on, little bright colored onesies, the smallest coats with little bear ears! And the socks! They were so tiny.

Just all of the clothing had you grabbing your bump in excitement as you dug through them.

Jungkook only sighed as he leaned against the metal rack, basket still in hand as he asked, “Is it a boy or a girl?”

“I don’t know,” You confessed with a shy smile, “I want it to be a surprise. I’d be happy with either. I don’t have much for the baby to be honest with you…” Your smile faltered a little, “I have a few sets of onesies that I’ve gathered throughout my pregnancy but I’ve been trying to keep them in gender neutral colors.”

You tried to not linger on the words that accidentally slipped out of you about not having much for the baby, but it was the truth. You absolutely hated going to baby showers before, always feeling awkward and a bit bored most of the time, and not really understanding the purpose of it.

Now being pregnant yourself you realized it was about chipping in and helping the new mom out on expenses, just about everything was insanely expensive.

Especially when the baby would be grown out of many of these garments in just a few months.

So the simple fix was, just have a baby shower.

The problem was, embarrassingly enough, you didn’t have any close family left aside from your brother, could you even count him anymore? The few people you knew were your coworkers, they were kind people, going out of their way to give you an informal baby shower which included a small set of gifts when you came in to open one day and a small set of cupcakes for everyone.

It was such a kind gesture it had brought you to tears, but it still didn’t fill that void inside you that in the end, you truly didn’t have anyone to come back to at home.

“What do you have for the baby?” Jungkook asked casually, looking as if his cuticles were more interesting than the conversation at hand.

You knew better than to believe his nonchalant attitude though, “Enough.”

“But how much,” Jungkook repeated, shifting his eyes from his hand to you revealing that he was very much invested in this conversation, no matter how cool he was trying to play it, “You’re staying with me until this whole ordeal with your brother is solved, remember? Which could be months.”

You sighed in irritation, grabbing hold of your stomach as you shifted your weight, “I’d hope not months, if it can be helped.”

This made Jungkook sigh in exasperation as well, “Of course, but again, it’s better to be prepared then not. I could buy this entire store in a second if I wanted, you think infant clothes are gonna break my bank?”

“That’s not the point Jungkook!” You frowned, not happy at all with how this conversation was going, “I’m sure you’ll find Wonho soon enough, can we please go check out my back is starting to hurt.”

You weren’t lying by any means, anytime you stood for more than a few hours at a time your back would start to dully ache these days.

Jungkook tucked his tongue against his cheek, looking as if he definitely had more to say but relented as he gestured you to forward first, huffing you kept your hands on your bump as you walked past him.

After checking out Jungkook was determined to carry your grocery bags for you all the way to his car, a custom made Viper with LED’s on the inside, it felt a bit ridiculous to ride in honestly, but seeing his satisfied tap of his fingers against the wheel told you that as long as he was happy, so were you.

The last stop of your short trip was the one you were looking forward to.

“This is a horrible idea.” Jungkook commented, his voice sounding a bit raspier as you turned to him in suspicion, “What…?”

“Are you okay?” You asked, turning your head to the side in question.

“I’m fine.” Jungkook waved a hand, his voice still a bit scratchy though, nothing a good cup of tea couldn’t fix though, and luckily Serendipity Bakery could help with that. Otherwise known as your old work place!

Walking in you made eye contact with the cashier you blinked as if trying to figure out whether you were a ghost or not, “Y/n!?”

“Eunwoo!” You cheered with a bright grin, he was the owner’s son of the shop but he had been training in every position while learning the trade of the business in hopes of one day taking over the shop for his father.

He rounded the counter sweeping you into a hug, careful of your stomach though before he held your shoulders tenderly, “I was so concerned when you sent in that text about going on maternity leave early! I’ve been trying to contact you since, you’ve had me worried to death! Is the baby okay?”

You were so surprised by the amount of questions that it took you a moment to process before you glanced down at his hands, sliding from your shoulders to your stomach.

“I’m okay…” You admitted, a bit shy at his attention, Eunwoo was…you weren’t sure what you two were to one another, other than perhaps a missed opportunity had you not been pregnant, in your first trimester when you had started working here, “Just been busy.”

“But the baby…”

“Is fine.”

The deep voice of Jungkook cut into the conversation making you remember he was indeed still here, he looked like a black rain cloud, suddenly looming right behind you and his eyes had twisted into a death glare, except it wasn’t aimed on you, moreso on Eunwoo’s hands, which were still on your stomach.

“Oh…?” Eunwoo’s hands reluctantly dropped as he frowned, “And you are…?”

“Jungkook,” He replied with a clipped tone, “her caretaker.”

“He mean’s roommate.” You curved a brow at him, caretaker? Seriously? “I moved into a new home! Jungkook is my roommate, he’s been helping me settle in and get ready for the baby. Right…?”

Jungkook said nothing, despite wearing a black face mask it wasn’t difficult to tell his expression beneath was unfriendly, you had seen many sides of Jungkook but this one wasn’t one you were most familiar with, he had flashed expressions like this at men who would attempt to talk to you at the Red Light before you had gotten pregnant.

But this was Eunwoo, not just some guy.

“I see…” Eunwoo frowned, glancing at Jungkook, “Well, it’s nice to meet you Jungkook, I’m Eunwoo, Y/n’s co-worker and friend, I hope you’ve been taking good care of her, she deserves only the best.”

“Eunwoo...” You felt a bit flustered at the sudden tension between both men, uncertain of how to translate this, you never had any intimate relationship with either of them aside from a certain unspoken attraction that you had at some point just assumed was you being stupid and it was only one sided.

At least in terms of Jungkook…You tried not to think about those days anymore, after all you never truly knew Jungkook back then, other then you were girlishly flattered at the attention he would sometimes give you.

You were too embarrassed to even think about it these days, the amount of times you’d stay up late into the night imagining a glimpse of a life that would never happen with him.

Eunwoo however...was a very different story, he had a boyish charm about him, the boy next door type of feeling, he had always been sweet to you, even after knowing you were pregnant he looked at you no different, and he was the reason you even had a small baby shower to begin with.

You could’ve had something with him, but the only person stopping you was yourself.

Partly because you didn’t want him involved in all of this, but there was also something else you hadn’t quite figured out yet.

“Luckily for her I only provide the best,” Jungkook replied, a little haughty, as if he was ruffled at the insinuation at not being able to take care of you, his glare didn’t let up, “You gonna take our order or what?”

You could tell Eunwoo didn’t appreciate his tone, but he forced a smile as he replied, “Anything for you Y/n, what’s on the craving menu today?” He rounded the counter as he rested his elbows on the surface.

You gave a soft smile, trying to ignore Jungkook practically towering over your shoulder, now acting as if he was a force field making sure you stayed a good distance from Eunwoo, “Honestly a London Fog and a blueberry scone sounds amazing! What about you Jungkook?”

“Coffee, black.” Jungkook replied deadpan.

“Alright,” Eunwoo nodded, “It’s on the house.”

“What? No, no we can pay!” You frowned as Eunwoo chuckled, a pretty smile on his lips as he shook his head, making his freshly dyed blonde hair brush over his eyebrows.

“Nope, too late, order’s been voided, i’ll be back with your stuff in a moment.” Eunwoo winked at you as he disappeared into the back.

“He’s your coworker?”

You twisted around, your frown turning into a pout, “Not for long with the way you were glaring.”

“I wasn’t glaring.” Jungkook replied, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Before you could pursue the conversation Eunwoo returned with your drinks and food, both in to go cups and a small pastry bag, “Here you are.”

“Thank you Eunwoo!” You grinned as you reached for your drink.

But before you could grab it Eunwoo softly grabbed your hand, “Anything for you Y/n, seriously, text me, I know you’re on maternity leave but if you want to hang out let me know! We can go out sometime.”

“Let’s go.” Jungkook’s voice was a tad deeper than normal, his eyes back into a glare as he reached over your hand grabbing both drinks, somehow managing to hold both in one hand before pressing another against your back firmly to turn you around.

It happened so fast you could hardly process it as you waved goodbye to Eunwoo.

“What was that about?” You asked bewildered by his action as you exited the shop.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jungkook replied, his eyes staying forward as you huffed, curving a brow as took your drink from his hand, taking a sip of it as you decided to not pursue this conversation though it was very tempting.

Being so focused on how childish he was acting you didn’t even notice how his hand still stayed against your back all the way until you returned to the car, Jungkook making the point to even open the door for you as you sat back down with a groan, your back aching once more with the need to rest.

“Anywhere else you wanna go?” Jungkook asked as he slid into the drivers side.

You shook your head, “Nah, I just wanna go home.”

You couldn’t see it beneath his mask, but the tiniest smile tugged on Jungkook’s lips at your words, “Then home it is.”

#bts #bts jungkook #Jungkook #Jeon Jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #Jungkook x you #mafia!jungkook #bts jungkook x reader #bts au #bts mafia #jungkook smut #jungkook imagine

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thoseboysinblue · 4 months

Text

What Nobody Sees

Part 2

Christian Pulisic x reader

You have unexpectedly found yourself tangled up in a long-term situationship with Christian.

Word count: 6350+

Warnings: Swearing, smut (under 18 DNI)

Song Inspo: Sin So Sweet by Warren Zeiders

Requested: No

Author's note: The original concept for this is based on a dream I had. Once I heard the song, I knew it was an immediate fit. This will be a multi-part series. Thank you, as always to @neverinadream for helping me to flesh this out. Hope you enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated!

Early morning jogs on the treadmill are how you start most days. Sometimes some of the other guys join you, sometimes you are alone, but mostly it's just you and Christian. Once he figured out it was your routine, he slowly began joining you day after day. He enjoyed feeling productive first thing in the morning, and, if he was being honest with himself, he enjoyed the quiet time with you.

About a quarter of the way through your planned run, you catch him out of the corner of your eye when he claims the treadmill next to yours. He leans over and places a bottle of water in your cup holder, because as much as you make sure they all stay hydrated and at their optimal level, he knows you nearly always forget your water when you work out.

"Thank you," you smile at him as he starts his treadmill. You take out your earbuds and switch your phone off of the bluetooth, a smile creeping over his face when he recognizes the playlist he'd shared with you a while ago.

You finish your run and begin to walk on the treadmill as a cool down, eventually stopping and moving over to an open area in front of the mirrors to do some light stretching.

As Christian finishes his run, he moves over to stand behind you, settling his hand over your hip and squeezing it gently. You assume he's also running the same scenario through his head as what's running through yours, images of him bending you over in front of this mirror. While a few not so innocent thoughts did enter his mind, he's mostly admiring the way your body molds perfectly against his as he stands behind you.

"You left me on read," he says quietly as he dips his head to kiss your neck.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what to say, I almost talked myself into coming back to your room, but I didn't think it would be a good idea," you tilt your head back allowing him more access to your neck as he brushes his thumbs over your breasts, feeling your nipples harden under the sports bra you are wearing.

"I know," he smirks against you, "doesn't mean I didn't want you to though."

You suddenly remember the two of you are very out in the open and anyone could walk in on you, so you take couple of steps away from him and take a deep breath. You can't help but notice the look of disappointment on his face and the whine he lets out when you break contact with him.

"I'm going to go take a shower, you want to meet up in a little while to go grab coffee?" you ask quietly.

He nods, "I'd rather just go take a shower with you, and then go get coffee" he smirks, knowing you'll say no.

"I know you would, but not this morning, ok?" you answer him before pressing a kiss to his chest, leaning your forehead against him, closing your eyes and savoring the way you can feel his heart beating away.

"Meet me in the lobby in 30?" you look up at him.

He nods and kisses your forehead, "see you then," he smiles weakly.

"Hey," he smiles at you as he steps off of the elevator and spots you waiting for him.

"Took you long enough," you chuckle, eyeing him up and down in his black training kit, noticing the way it fits him just a little tighter than the last time you saw him in it.

"Yeah well, I'm blaming you and that workout outfit you had on earlier," he chirps at you.

"Liked that one did you?" you smirk at him, enjoying the thought of him having to relieve himself after seeing you earlier.

"I have a love hate relationship with those tiny scraps of clothing you wear sometimes," he breathes out as he ushers you out of the lobby and towards the coffee shop down the street.

"I thought you only loved them?" you arch an eyebrow at him.

"I do, but I hate when I can't rip them off of you," he rolls his eyes.

"Kind of like those shorts you have on now, not leaving much to the imagination, y/n."

"It's not like you have to imagine it anyways, you know what's under here," you gesture towards your training kit. "And this one isn't my fault, blame whoever picks our training uniforms for this one."

"I do know what's under there, and I can't stop picturing it," he says lowly.

"So, I'm not sure if I owe you coffee or if you owe me coffee," you say as he holds the door to the shop open.

"I'll buy yours and you can buy mine," he chuckles.

"Deal," you grin at him.

He leans against the door frame of the small shop while you are waiting in line.

"Christian, you can't do the book-tok door leaning thing, not here," you roll your eyes at him and pull him away from the door.

"Why not? Does it turn you on?" he raises an eyebrow at you, leaning down to barely whisper in your ear "you want me to tell you to shut the fuck up and take this dick like a good girl?" he smirks, knowing he's hit a nerve when your thighs press together.

"We are in public," you snap at him, a playful smile on your lips.

"I know, but I would be willing to bet you're dripping for me now," he winks at you.

"You're a menace," you shake your head at him.

"So are those shorts your wearing," he chuckles.

You order coffees for one another, not even bothering to ask what the other wants, you know that already.

As you make your way back to the hotel you nudge him, "do I even want to know how you know about book-tok?"

"Ah, asking me to reveal my secrets?" he shakes his head. "You know people can see your reposts right?" he grins, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Stalk much?" you chuckle.

"What? No!" he blushes. "Well maybe a little. I was just curious at what kinds of things you're into besides me and soccer," he shrugs.

You shake your head at him and continue your walk back, arriving in the lobby around the same time as several of the other players.

"You're getting breakfast with us right?" he skims his hand against yours as he looks at you.

"Yeah, of course," you blush slightly at him.

You finish grabbing your food as Weston calls to you to come over and join them.

"Morning, y/n" he grins pushing out the chair across from Christian and next to him.

"Hey, Wes," you share a brief smile with him, glancing across at Christian.

"You're Ben right?" you smile at the player seated next to Christian as he nods at you.

"Welcome to camp, don't let these idiots get you in trouble," you motion between Christian, Wes, Jedi, and Tim Weah.

"I'm terribly offended," Tim clutches his chest.

"She's not wrong though," Jedi smiles, stuffing a bite into his mouth.

"This is y/n, by the way," Wes throws his arm around the back of your chair, "she's our player performance analyst and she has a knack for picking apart weaknesses in other teams so she's like our little secret weapon," he smiles proudly at you.

"Speaking of performances, I don't know what you two were up to last night, but all I heard was Cap here saying 'shit, shit, shit,'" he grins glancing back and forth between you and Christian.

Christian's cheeks blush at his comment but he looks at you with a slight grin.

"Well, perv, maybe you should quit listening to us," you roll your eyes at him.

"Kind of hard not to when I can hear you through the walls," he chuckles.

"Maybe you should try headphones," Christian adds.

"Cap, here gets special treatment," Wes nods at Ben, letting him in on your little secret as you and Christian share a glance between you.

"So y/n," Ben turns his focus to you, trying to change the topic of conversation, "what got you into men's soccer, I mean, why aren't you working on the women's side?"

"Well," you start taking a bite of your food, "I grew up watching my four older brothers play..." you trail off when Christian coughs and drops his fork.

"What, you know I have brothers," you look at him, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Yeah, but I didn't know there were four of them," he mumbles as Wes chuckles.

"Scared there CP?" he eyes up his friend.

"He doesn't have to worry about them, they'll never know about us," you shrug, noticing the expression on his face change slightly.

"Anyways, I grew up watching them play mostly, and when I was in college I did an internship and met these knuckleheads" you motion between Wes and Christian.

"I worked with some of the youth teams for a bit before this job opened up and they asked if I would want to move up to the senior team. So really, it just kind of happened that I ended up here and not on the women's side of things. But I prefer it here anyways, less drama, more fun," you shrug.

"That's cool," Ben smiles at you.

"And now she can't ever get rid of us or leave us," Wes pulls you into his side as you roll your eyes.

"Someone's got to keep you in line," you elbow him in the ribs.

"So far, you're doing a terrible job of that," he chuckles.

The conversation moves on to other things, and you can't help but notice the way Christian keeps his attention mainly focused on you.

You all board the bus headed over to the training facility. You sit at the front discussing today's plan with the other staff members.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Christian nudges Wes to get his attention as they both pull their earbuds out of their ears.

"Yeah, man, what's up?" Wes asks as he pauses his playlist.

"You um," Christian pauses, glancing around to make sure no one else is listening, "you ever been choked before?"

A wide grin in spreads across Weston's face, "like in general or during sex?" even though he fully knows what he's being asked, he still wants to see his best friend squirm a little.

"Well not in general," Christian rolls his eyes.

"So during sex?" he chuckles.

Christian nods, his cheeks slightly flushed.

"Nah, I've choked plenty of girls, but never had it done to me. Why? Did y/n choke you last night or something?" he pinches his eyebrows together.

Christian nods slowly, realizing by the look on his friend's face that maybe he shouldn't have said anything to him about it.

"Yeah, she did, and um, I'm a bit worried about how much I liked it," he rubs his hands over his face.

"Look, I think I'd just enjoy whatever you two have going on and not worry about it too much," he nudges Christian's knee with his own, "it's just hooking up though, right?"

Christian nods again, "she said something last night about me having other girls, insinuating that I have a roster," he shrugs.

"Like she doesn't want you to have a roster? She expects you two to be exclusive or what?" Wes pushes a little further.

"She seems to think she's not the only one I'm sleeping with, but she didn't seem upset or even jealous, she stated it kind of like a fact," he sighs.

"Seems like she's cool with keeping it casual then," Wes shrugs, "I mean, she's not acting crazy trying to lock you down or anything so that's good. There is a roster though isn't there?"

The look on Christian's face answers that question before he utters a word.

"Jesus Christ, there isn't a roster," Wes rubs his hands over his face.

"I mean when it started I didn't aim to keep it exclusive or anything, I was just busy and didn't really have time to pursue anything else, and then somehow along the way I realized I wasn't talking to anyone else, let alone sleeping with them," he shrugs.

"Is she sleeping with anyone else?" Wes asks, his curiosity getting the better of him as he tries to understand the situation.

"I don't know, we haven't talked about it, I guess I assumed she wasn't, but I'm not entirely sure," Christian sighs.

"So, are you good with her sleeping with someone else?" he keeps pushing.

"I'd never thought about it until last night, but when I did think about the possibility it made me a little sick," Christian answers, picking at his nails nervously.

"Sounds like you've caught feelings, which is fine by the way, but I think the two of you need to talk about whatever this is, and I'm probably not the best person for you to be seeking relationship advice from, at all," he chuckles.

"I just wish I knew what she is thinking," Christian sighs.

"Maybe you should grow a pair and ask her," Wes shrugs at him.

Once you've all arrived at the training facility you help everyone get fitted into their monitors and make sure they are all working properly so that you can monitor them during training.

You and Wes are taking turns kicking a ball back and forth showing off your touch skills before everyone gets started.

"Your touch is amazing," Wes grins at you.

"So I've heard," you wink at him.

"Get you're mind out of the gutter, loser," he chuckles.

"I was talking about soccer, I have no idea what you're talking about, perv," you grin.

"I did actually hear my first touch was amazing a lot, until you know, career ending knee injury," you roll your eyes, "I could've had my first World Cup by now."

"That's a shame, but we're more fun anyways," he winks at you.

"Ok, I better actually get to work," you chuckle before heading over to your laptop to make sure everything is still properly synced.

"Christian, can you come here for a second, your monitor is messed up," you shout over to one of the groups.

Once he approaches you, you slide your hands under his training kit and adjust his monitor.

"Easy, you're gonna get me turned on if you keep rubbing on me like that," he says lowly.

"Your monitor is fine by the way, I just wanted to slide my hands up your chest and tell you that you look really hot," you force yourself to hold back a smile, trying to make it look like you're talking about nothing at all.

"You're fucking killing me," he shakes his head at you. "Have I told you you look hot? Because you look hot," he gives you a subtle wink.

"Ok, back to work," you slide your hands out from under his shirt and turn to go back to the sidelines, knowing he's probably having to force himself not to stare at your ass while you walk away.

After the morning training session, everyone showers, changes into a fresh set of the same training kit, grabs lunch and meets for a quick film session.

As the film session is wrapping up, you send Christian a quick text that simply says, "your room, 10 minutes."

You have a quick chat with BJ about a couple of things for tomorrow's training session and make your way to the elevator after noticing Christian left a few minutes prior.

You knock quietly on his door and wait for him to answer it. As soon as he does, you quickly walk in and shut the door behind you.

"I've been waiting all day to get you out of that kit," you grin at him. "You look so hot in it, but I need it on the floor," you practically drag him towards the bed.

You peel his shirt over his head and toss it to the floor while he does the same to you. His lips immediately attaching to your neck before you both fall onto the bed.

"Fuck, I've been wanting to do this since this morning," he mumbles as he kisses over your chest and slide his hands under the sports bralette you are wearing.

A soft moan escapes your lips when he brushes the pads of his fingers over your nipples, pressing his already hardened cock against you.

And then the door flies open, causing Christian to immediately flop down on top of you and make sure you're covered completely when he pulls his hands from your bra.

"Sup, besties," Wes laughs as he flops down on the couch in Christian's room, tossing a room key on the table, "are you two starting twister without us," he grins while you and Christian both scramble to find your shirts.

Christian tosses you a shirt from the floor and the minute you pull it over you're head you realize it's too big, meaning it has to be his. Damn these matching kits, you think to yourself.

You chuckle as you watch Christian trying to pull your obviously too small shirt over his head.

"Babe, babe, I think that one's mine," you poke him in the side to get his attention.

He pulls it back over his head and you exchange shirts while he tries to discreetly rearrange himself.

Wes watches the entire scenario play out with a grin on his face like a kid in a candy store.

"Babe, now is it?" he arches an eyebrow at the two of you.

You and Christian exchange a look because neither of you even realized you said it.

Christian looks over at him as he gets settled on the bed next to you, inching himself closer to you in the process, "you need something, man?"

"Nope," he says standing up, "just wanted to say hi," he chuckles grabbing the room key.

"Leave the key," Christian says with a stern look, but he quickly flashes a grin at his best friend when he acts offended.

"But we've been exchanging room keys for years," he clutches the key to his chest.

"Yeah, well you've lost your key privileges, now," Christian chuckles.

"I see how it is," Wes winks at both of you and drops the key on the table. "Have fun kids, don't do anything I wouldn't do. Actually on second thought, do whatever the hell you want you little deviants."

Before he leaves, Christian stops him and tosses him a pair of headphones. "Got those delivered earlier," he winks as Weston lets out a cackle.

"Well played, Cap," he grins before leaving just as quickly as he came in.

Once he's out of the room Christian immediately moves so that he's back on top of you. He kisses along the column of your neck before sitting up on his knees between your legs and pulling his shirt over his head.

He pushes your shirt up and kisses along your stomach, just as he slides his hands under the waistband of your shorts and you lift your hips there is a knock at the door.

He sighs and drops his head. "What now?" he grumbles as he climbs off of the bed, not even bothering to put his shirt on.

He opens the door to find Tim Weah standing there. "Hey man, can I borrow your phone charger, mine quit working," Tim asks.

Christian grabs a spare out of his travel bag, "yeah man, keep it as long as you'd like," he smiles.

"Hey, y/n" Tim chuckles before Christian not so subtly kicks him out.

He returns to the bed, climbing back on top of you. "Where were we?" he grins as he slides his hands up your legs.

Another knock, "fuck," he huffs again going to the door to find Gio, who is apparently in need of an extra towel.

After two more interruptions, including Jedi stopping by to ask for a cup of sugar, Christian loses it.

"I thought the first one was a coincidence," he angrily types out a message on his phone, "clearly they are just fucking with us now because they know you're in here."

Christian: Wes, I swear to god, you tell them I said the next person that knocks on my door will run until they puke tomorrow

Wes: I don't know what you're talking about 😇

Christian: I'm not playing 🖕🏻

Wes: neither am I 😇

Christian: come on man, please

Wes: does y/n like it when you beg

Christian: 🤬

Wes: since you asked nicely, enjoy your evening 😘

"Maybe we should just go to my room," you chuckle as he settles back onto the bed beside you.

"That's not a bad idea actually," he agrees with you as he gets up and puts his shirt back on.

You slip your shoes on before the two of you head to your room.

Christian picks you up and tosses you on the bed, once again pulling your shirt over your head before there is a knock at your door.

He drops his head against your chest and mumbles "I give up," as you push him off of you and grab your shirt.

You stomp towards the door and quickly put your shirt back on huffing out, "Can a girl not get laid?"

You throw the door open ready to give whoever it is a piece of your mind only to find a very startled BJ standing in the hallway.

"Is this a bad time?" he blinks at you.

"What? No. It's fine. The guys have been messing with me..I thought...nevermind," you trail off when he chuckles.

"What's up," you ask him, smoothing your hair a bit.

"I wanted to ask about a couple of things for tomorrow, if you've got a minute," he smiles.

"Yeah sure," you tilt your head to look at the training plans he has.

The two of you chat for a few minutes about drills and the best use of the time and players you have available, coming to a decision to tweak a few things before he finalizes what he has and takes it to Gregg.

After he leaves and you make your way back towards Christian, you find him sitting with his back against your headboard with an expression on his face that you've only seen from him a couple of times in the past.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" you knit your eyebrows together before crawling onto the bed beside him.

"Like what?" he grins at you.

"I don't know, it's all heart eyes like your in love with me," you shake your head, "stop it, it's weird," you return his grin, but you can't help the swarm of butterflies attacking your insides.

"I've always known the role you have with the team obviously has an impact, but, I don't know, just hearing how much you influence everything we do, and knowing it will make us better, it's just, it makes me appreciate you more, I guess," he blushes.

"Aww, sweetie," you pat him on the cheek as he rolls his eyes at your mocking tone, "I'm glad you know I'm here for more than just sucking your dick, which I'm about to do by the way," you wink at him.

"Oh really?" he chuckles as you pull him off of the bed and tug his shorts and boxers down before shoving him back to a sitting position.

"Yep, figure the poor guy needs some attention, he's been hard off and on for the past hour," you grin as you settle onto your knees in front of him and wrap your hand around his hardened cock.

"I'm not going to complain about...oh fuck," he groans as you waste no time in licking along the vein on the underside of his shaft before swirling your tongue around his tip.

You flatten your tongue against his slit, humming at the taste of the precum that's already leaking when he threads his fingers into your hair, pulling into a makeshift ponytail so that he can properly watch you.

You take more of him into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks as you suck him slowly before pulling off of him and working him with your hand while you drop spit off of your tongue and watch it slide down his length.

You take him into your mouth again, forcing yourself further down onto him until his tip reaches the back of your throat causing you to gag.

"God, you look so pretty like this," he looks down at you, his eyes burning into yours as his thumb brushes over the underside of your jaw.

He feels you as you relax your jaw, taking even more of him into your mouth as his head falls back and he mumbles something unintelligible.

"Yes baby, just like that," he sighs.

"You're such a good girl for me, my good little slut, giving it to me just the way you know I like it."

A groan rips from him as you moan at his words sending a vibration up his cock that makes his spine tingle and his toes curl.

His free hand grips at the edge of the bed as he tries to maintain control while his other hand grips tighter into your hair causing you to moan again.

You continue working him, sliding your tongue along his shaft and swirling it around his tip, spit dripping from your mouth as you take him down your throat over and over, gagging each time.

You pull off of him for a moment continuing to work him with your hand while you catch your breath.

He runs his thumb along your bottom lip, wiping some of the drool away.

"This pretty mouth, it belongs to me doesn't it?" he smirks as he presses his tip against your lips and waits for you to open back up for him.

He whimpers when you nod, then moans as you take his entire length into your mouth until your nose presses against his pubic bone and your looking up at him through your lashes.

"Jesus Christ," he stares at you wide eyed, desperately wanting to cum but also not wanting this to end.

You bob your head, using one hand to work his shaft, the other coming up to squeeze his balls gently as you rub your thumb over them.

"And that pussy," he grunts, as he involuntarily bucks his hips, "that pussy belongs to me too doesn't it? I bet it's dripping for me."

You nod again, keeping the same pace you've set as you feel him twitch in your mouth and notice the way his thighs tense and his breathing has become ragged.

"I'm gonna fuckin' cum," he groans.

You pull off of him briefly, "come on baby, give it to me, I want all of it," you say before taking him back into your mouth and hollowing your cheeks to suck him harder.

You slide one hand up his thigh and feel the muscles tense before he comes undone in your mouth, a whimper of your name falling from his lips.

You swallow everything, using your thumb to swipe over your bottom lip and then sucking it clean before using your tongue to make sure he's cleaned up while he catches his breath.

You pull his shorts and boxers back up his legs as you stand up, smirking when he's a little shaky as he pulls them over his hips and tucks himself back inside of them.

"You give the best head I've ever gotten," his voice is husky and low. He shakes his head as he sits back down on the edge of the bed and pulls you to straddle his lap.

"Thank you, I think, but I don't know that I really want to think about all the other head you've been getting," you grin at him as you wrap your hands around the back of his neck and his hands settle over your hips.

"Well it's not like I really want to think about how you got so good at it either," he winks at you.

"Maybe, I'm very attentive to details and have figured out exactly how you like it," you shrug at him.

"You've definitely figured that out," he chuckles.

"Was that German earlier?" you grin at him.

"When?" he looks at you puzzled.

"You mumbled something earlier, but I'm not sure what you said, but it wasn't English."

"Oh, I uh, I don't know actually," he lies, he knows exactly what he said but he's definitely not willing to admit it.

"Can I ask you something?" he breathes out.

"Sure," you grin against his neck as you nuzzle your face into him and inhale the sweet yet masculine scent that rolls off of him.

"Am I a bad kisser?" he asks quietly almost as if he's afraid of what your answer will be.

"What? No!" you tilt your head back to look into his eyes.

"Then why won't you let me kiss you?"

You can't help but notice the sadness that lingers in his eyes.

"Oh, um," you sigh, "I guess it just seems too intimate for whatever this is."

"So a few minutes ago my cock was down your throat, but my tongue down your throat is too intimate?" he knits his eyebrows, "that makes perfect sense, y/n."

"I just, Christian, I," you stumble over your words before you climb off of his lap, stand up and turn to put some space between you, suddenly overwhelmed.

He grabs your wrist, gently pleading for you not to walk away from him as he looks up at you from the bed.

"Just tell me, please, whatever it is," he interlaces his fingers with yours and gives them an encouraging squeeze.

"I know it's silly, and you can think it's stupid, but I'm worried that if I kiss you, there's going to be feelings attached to it and that's not what this is, it can't be." you sigh.

"I see," he draws his lower lip into his mouth and lets out a huff, but continues tracing his thumb over the back of your hand.

"Christian, we both know that this is eventually going to end, you'll find someone you care about and this will be over," you motion between the two of you. "And we will probably still be working together when that happens, so the least awkward thing that can happen would be if we just saw this as a hook up and nothing else. So I don't have to be your ex that you work with and you don't have to worry about upsetting someone else down the line." You blink a couple of times, pushing back the tears that you didn't even realize were there.

"I still don't get it though, y/n. I hear what you're saying, but don't you think it would be awkward as hell no matter what?" he rubs his hand over his eyes as the sudden thought of things ending between you flashes through his mind and he doesn't like the wave of anxiety that comes with it.

"I mean, we've fucked each other seven ways to Sunday. We've done shit I didn't even know I was in to, you think for one second I could just forget all of that? Pretend like none of this ever happened? I don't see how kissing every now and then is going to change that. I'm not asking to make out with you mid field after a game. I'm just saying that every now and then, it seems like it would be a natural thing to do. You kissed me the first time we had sex, but after that it's been pretty rare and I miss it. There are so many times that I want to kiss you but I know you don't want me to, so I don't, " he rests his chin against you as he looks up at you.

"You can't look at me like that, I'll cave," you roll your eyes.

He grins at you and gives you his best puppy dog eyes.

"You and your stupid brown eyes and long eye lashes" you chuckle.

"Why do you want to kiss me so bad? Dying to know what you taste like?" you try to hold back a smile.

He nudges you backwards as he stands up, tilting your chin up to look him in the eyes. "I want to know what I taste like on your tongue," he speaks quietly, heat flashing through his eyes.

"Kiss me then," you whisper.

He doesn't hesitate or give you a chance to change your mind before his lips are on yours.

He moans softly into your mouth as you deepen the kiss, giving him what he wants and swirling your tongue against his so that he can taste himself.

He squeezes your hand before dropping it so that he can grip onto your hip and pull you closer to him while his other hand cradles the back of your head.

You know this is not what you need to be doing as the butterflies erupt and your head gets fuzzy but you can't make yourself stop. You're in trouble, and you know with every fiber of your being that you'll probably end up with your heart shattered into pieces, but at this very moment there is nothing you want to do besides kiss him.

He pulls away breathless, before crashing his lips to yours again. His head swimming with a million thoughts and nothing but the feel of your lips on his at the same time. He's not sure when you'll kiss him again, so he's going to take advantage of every single second that he can.

He tilts your head back and trails kisses along your neck and jaw before finding your lips again and dipping his tongue into your mouth, reveling in the quiet whimpers and moans that are escaping you.

When you both pull away, naturally breathless, he pecks you on the lips one more time.

"Don't get too used to that," you mumble against his jaw before you rest your forehead on his shoulder. He shakes his head and chuckles, knowing that even though he got his way for the moment, your reluctance is still going to be there.

He gently trails his fingers along your spine while you toy with the hairs at the nape of his neck and try to clear your brain of the fog that you're in.

"We have to go downstairs for dinner with the team," you whisper and he nods giving your hip one final squeeze before you step away from him.

He follows you into the bathroom and sits on the counter while you brush your hair and fix the light amount of makeup you're wearing so that hopefully it's not obvious what you've been up to.

You head down to dinner together, meeting up with everyone else and enjoying your usual banter with the team. Christian sits next to you and finds subtle ways to keep physical contact with you.

Typically you all hang out for a few hours after dinner, playing games, watching movies, or watching game films, but tonight everyone seems to be doing their own things. After dinner is over you make your way towards the elevator, Christian slipping away and joining you.

He presses the button for your floor and you look at him quizzically.

"Just making sure you get to your room safe," he smiles at you.

"I'm a big girl, Christian, I can get to my room just fine," you chuckle, but he ignores you.

He walks you to your door but before you let yourself in, you turn to face him.

"I would ask if I can stay but I already know the answer to that," he smiles softly at you. "But, in case you change your mind," he holds out the room key that Wes had used earlier in the day.

You grin and take it from him, slipping it into your pocket.

"Give me your phone," you smile at him as you pull out your own phone and share a digital copy of the key to your room to his phone.

"I didn't know that was an option, look at you being fancy," he chuckles.

He leans down and presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

"Night, y/n" he smiles at you.

"Night, Chris" you sigh.

You let yourself into your room and try to clear your head by going through your night time routine.

Once you've settled in the bed, you realize sleep isn't going to happen after tossing and turning for a while. You look over at the key laying on your bedside table and wonder if he's awake.

You could text him and ask, but instead you climb out of bed and slip on some shoes and grab what you'll need in the morning.

You quietly make your way to the stairs deciding it is probably the safest option this time of night to keep you from getting caught. Your room is two floors above Christian's, the coaches are on the floor between you, you know because you help arrange the accommodations.

You let yourself into his room, the lights are off, but his TV is on. As soon as he hears the door he knows it's you and he can't help the smile that spreads over his features when you drop your things on the dresser and take your shoes off.

"I didn't wake you did I?" you ask as he pulls the covers back.

"Nope, I was watching the other football," he grins, "you ok?"

"Couldn't sleep" you sigh as you climb into bed with him.

He holds his arm out, inviting you to scoot closer to him and he's a bit stunned when you tuck into his side and rest your head on his chest.

You watch football for a while with him, chatting about his beloved Jets before you drift off to sleep.

He places a soft kiss to the top of your head, "night, baby," he whispers as he turns off the tv and pulls you close to him.

Tag list:

@chilwellspulisic @neverinadream @pulisicsgirl @swimmingismywholelife @lovelynikol16 @nyctophilic0vitnir @lunamelona @tall-tanned-tattoo @lizzypotter14 @xjval @notsoattractivearenti @landoslover @brasiliangp

#christian pulisic #christian pulisic x reader #christian pulisic smut #christian pulisic fic #christian pulisic imagine #what nobody sees series

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dollyyun · 2 months

Text

𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒔 | chap 01

SYPNOSIS: wherein Hwang Stella's life is tangled in a predicament involving her clandestine identity as a racer, her seemingly daily life as the official heir to the Hwang Empire, and seven guys with whom she has a complex history with.

PAIRING: enhypen members x fem oc

GENRE: 18+ (mdni), reverse harem, chaebols, semi-college & racing, eventual adulthood, non-idol au, eventual enha being f1 drivers, multiple pov (this fic is written in first pov).

WARNINGS: suggestive themes, expletives, mention of smoking.

WORD COUNT: 10k+

TAGLIST: @aishigrey @kgneptun

🍒 MASTERLIST 🍒

Ever since I was young, I was taught by my parents and formal tutors all the ways to be a top-notch Chaebol. Including the fact that I had to learn proper dining etiquette and how important it is that I always carry myself with such elegance and great dignity. Especially being a Hwang.

My parents used to emphasise heavily the fact that I was a Hwang, and being one meant there would be responsibilities that we needed to be accounted for. Responsibilities that are heavier than they seem.

In the contemporary society we reside in, the Hwang family is regarded highly by every other Chaebol, and our reputation is quite eminent throughout SoKor. In my family tree, it consists of CEOs, lawyers, doctors, and educators. My father is the most prominent CEO in the Hwang family. Many years ago, long before I was born, his late grandfather chose him as his heir. Thus, my father became the CEO of the dominant business chain.

You may think that I am speaking about my father proudly, as a daughter should, but you're wrong. Despite how everyone else perceives him, I see him as nothing more than a cold-blooded man who doesn't regard me as his daughter because of the way he has been treating me ever since I was young.

As much as I want to learn to love him, I can't. I despise him.

But the irony is that my father, Hwang Minhyuk, has made a firm decision to choose me as his heir, despite how blatantly he despises me as well.

Well, considering the fact that he disowned my older brother when I was fifteen while my older sister decided to move abroad to pursue her dream, I guess Minhyuk had no choice but to choose me as his heir.

I jolt in my seat as soon as I feel a sharp nudge at the side of my waist, eliciting a low groan from my lips. My eyes shift to glance at my mother, who is giving me a pointed stare before she proceeds to put up her facade and communicate with whoever the businesswoman is.

Woops, I must've hunched my back, and of course, it is unladylike, according to her.

As for my mother, Hwang Jihyun, I despise her less. She is the CEO of a renowned beauty product company. Despite reaching the age of fifty, she has fewer wrinkles and is still physically fit. Everywhere she goes, people are in awe of her beauty. I have to admit that my mother can easily pass as a model.

But I know for a fact that she is as rotten as my father. What a compatible pair!

While I straighten my back, my eyes skim around the massive conference room. The room is filled with Chaebols and their heirs. I spot familiar faces from the university. I mean, it is expected to see them here since we enrolled in the same notable university that welcomes Chaebols across Sokor. Even though the fees are absurdly high, we do have students who manage to enrol due to scholarships.

I return my gaze to my mother, who apparently decides to leave the table to join her other fellow associates. Noticing some eyes occasionally diverting glances my way, I suppress a sigh from leaving my lips. I despise putting up this facade of mine for too long. To make it worse, the event is far from over.

Just then, a notification sound comes from my phone. The instant I glance down at my phone as I unlock it, my lips automatically twitch, quirking a small smile while my heart beats in a familiar cadence.

J💞: I'm almost done. Meet me at the private parking lot.

For double confirmation, I take a quick glance at my mother, who is still preoccupied. Maintaining my composure, I begin to make my way out of the conference room.

Once I'm finally out of reach, a triumphant smirk makes its way to my lips. Even if there is a risk of getting caught and having to deal with the dreadful consequences, it'll all be worth it.

As soon as I enter the elevator and am about to press the button, my heart skips a beat when a hand firmly presses at the side, preventing the elevator from closing. When the person reveals himself, my eyes widen for a moment.

Before I have the chance to look away, his eyes meet mine. An unidentifiable emotion flickers in his gaze.

"Sorry." He mutters an apology as he steps in, but his eyes never leave mine. As much as I want to look away from his gaze, I feel as though I've been compelled.

Damn it. This always happens whenever I come face-to-face with him. I mean, we rarely cross each other's paths, but whenever we do, there is something about him that makes it harder for me to ignore his presence.

Silence envelopes the air around us as we stand next to each other. Though I keep a safe distance, my hand unknowingly curls into a fist.

Relax, Stel. I mean, it's not every day you get to be near your ex-crush.

Yup. I had a tiny crush on him during my first year of university. I think everyone has had a crush on him at some point in their lives.

"Stella."

My heart jumps out of surprise upon hearing him utter my name. He knows me.

Ugh, Stel, of course he knows you. Everyone knows you.

"Heeseung." I return, but in a tone that indicates disinterest, or so I tried to. Despite the fact that I'm resisting the urge to look at him, my eyes betray me as I glance at him.

With the physique of a model, a face card that never declines, and is decked out in a black tuxedo dashingly is Lee Heeseung. Though he's a year older, he's a senior like me. Word has it, he's a literal ace, excelling in everything he does. So it makes me wonder why he entered college a year late.

Heeseung meets my gaze once again. "Going for a smoke break as well?"

A frown creases on my lips. "No...." I reply slowly while bewilderment fills me, "How do you know that I─"

His pink lips upturn into a smirk while he slides his hand into his pants's pocket. "I've seen you, Stella. You ought to be careful since you have quite a reputation to maintain."

I open my mouth to make a retort, but the elevator opens. He inclines his head in what seems like an invitation. "Care to join me?"

A small part of me desires it too, but I know better than to involve myself with him. I give him a terse smile before I walk out of the elevator. "No, thanks. Like you said, I have a reputation to maintain."

Given his long legs, he manages to catch up to me, following me in the same direction of where I intend to go.

"You know....." Heeseung's drawl brings my attention to him, "You smoking is not the only secret I know."

Uneasiness begins to gnaw in my tummy. I give him a look of wariness while I subconsciously fold my arms. "What do you mean?"

Instead of answering my question, he simply gives me a smile, which I'm in doubt of what his smile means. Before he decides to part ways, he offers me wink. "Great race last night. We should do it again."

Dumbfounded, I stand there like a fool as I watch him getting further. And then, realisation finally dawns on me. Colour drains from my face.

Oh fuck.

No one, and I mean no one, was supposed to find out about it. Especially not Lee Heeseung.

Shit, shit, shit! I was careless! I should've checked─

"Hey, gorgeous." His soft yet deep voice interrupts the previous consternation I had. His arm slowly finds its way around my waist, eliciting a soft gasp from me when he pulls me closer until our bodies touch.

"Jay," Shaky breaths leave my lips. "We can't. Not here. What if someone sees us?"

"It's fine. No one's here. Besides," He grabs my hand gently before bringing it up and placing a kiss on my knuckles. "I couldn't wait."

Butterflies begin to flutter in my tummy as we make our way to his Tesla car. Like the gentleman he always is, he assists me in the passenger seat before making his way to the driver's.

"As much as I couldn't wait," He starts the vehicle before placing his hands on the steering wheel. "I'd like to play safe."

I swallow down the bitterness, looking away from him. "Yeah. Wouldn't want the only Park heir to be found in a scandalous relationship with the Hwang heir."

I hear him heaving a low sigh. "You know that we're not in a relationship and you knew what you got yourself into when you agreed to be my─"

"I know, Jay." I interject, trying my best not to sound sour. He's right. I can't even blame him. I even promised myself that I wouldn't ever fall for anyone after what happened. In the end, I only have myself to blame for being stupid enough to fall in love with him when we're only friends with benefits.

I turn crestfallen. Who would ever want to love Hwang Stella?

I compose myself before Jay can even catch a glimpse of my true emotion. I clear my throat. "So, where are we going to fuck?"

"I'm kinda not in the mood to," He replies in a monotone as he begins to park near the curb. He steals a quick glance at me. "But I am in the mood to make out."

Fair enough. Besides, I'm wearing a dress so I can't risk showing signs of being indecent.

"Just don't leave any marks." I warn him as he assists me to move over to him, settling on top of him with my arm slowly making their way around his neck.

His eyes darken with lust and appreciation as they scan my appearance. I ignore the heat creeping up on my cheeks as he caresses my cheek with the back of his finger.

"You look truly exquisite tonight." Placing both of his hands on my waist, he leans forward to place a kiss on my lips.

My eyes roll to the back of my head, submitting myself to the pleasure as he kisses down my neck. "How long do you think this can last?" The question accidentally slips from my lips.

"I don't know," He nips playfully at my skin, drawing a gasp from me. "All I know is that I don't intend to let you slip from my fingers anytime soon."

But I know better than anyone that isn't true. In the end, everyone leaves.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

After my encounter with Heeseung yesterday, I could barely get any decent sleep. His discovery of me being involved in an activity that my family deems illicit caused such perturbation.

My engagement in the field has been maintained confidentially since I was sixteen, and I was consistently on guard whenever I wanted or was required to participate in any race. With my management expertise, I always meticulously planned my schedules, despite how busy I could get. Even my identity was so well veiled that neither the hosts nor the organisers learned who I was.

So the fact that Heeseung discovered my identity is unsettling. Yes, he's attractive and all that, but I don't trust him. What if he has an agenda and intends to use my identity in the field against me? What if he threatens to tell others? What if he informs my parents─

"Hey, Stella."

A familiar, deep, husky voice pulls me out of my troubled mind. When I look to the side, I instantly have to tilt my head up a little to meet his eyes. A weird sentiment squeezes my heart as I look at him. It has been more than quite a while since we last interacted.

His face remains stoic as ever, but I catch a glimpse of concern in those dark, piercing eyes of his. "Are you alright? You've been staring at the vending machine for a while, and you look a little pale."

I manage to catch the way his hand that is hidden in his pocket attempts to reach out to me, but he slowly lowers his hand and forms it into a fist before sliding back into his pocket. But I simply dismiss his mere action, as I'm too busy being caught up in my own little dilemma.

I brush a fallen lock of my hair out of my face before offering him a tight smile. "I'm fine, Ni-Ki. I'm sorry for holding up the line."

Decked out in a black sweater and denim jeans, dyed blond highlights and piercings on both ears, is Nishimura Riki. Our parents were business friends, so they often came over to our mansion and brought along Riki. Initially, we weren't friends, as Ni-Ki would always give me cold shoulders. But as I'm a year older than him, my mother would order me to look after him while the adults were busy.

After much persuasion and some teasing, he eventually opened up to me. But it's complicated because we weren't exactly friends. He felt more of an obligation to me since my mother never failed to remind me to look after him as a Noona should.

When my older brother was here, Ni-ki would always look forward to meeting him, as they had more in common than we do. But as soon as I turned fourteen, something must have happened between my parents and his, because they no longer came over like they often did. Thus, that explains the reason behind our cold distance.

So knowing that he would be the first one to break this unexplainable cold war between us comes as a total shock for me.

He shakes his head. "Don't worry. It's just me. Here, let me buy you a drink." He steps forward, a little close to me.

"It's okay, Ni-Ki. I don't want to trouble you─"

As always being stubborn, he insists as he proceeds to press the button before hearing thuds from the vending machine. He bends down to pick up two energy drinks and gives me one, which I have no choice but to accept.

As I busily unscrew the bottle cap, I can feel his gaze on my face. After a brief silence, he begins to speak up.

"Oh, and Stel?"

"Yeah?" I look up, and my eyes widen a little at the proximity between us.

"It's Riki for you," He takes me by surprise when he offers me a soft smile. "Or did you forget?"

"Stella Noona, promise me that you'll always call me Riki. It's reserved only for you."

Nostalgia whisks past me. Of course, not. How could I forget? I thought he was the one who had forgotten about it, considering how distant we were.

"Okay, Riki." I reply in a soft tone, smiling faintly.

"Good." He catches me off-guard once again as he pats my head gently, as though I'm a toddler. He offers me one last soft grin, taking a few steps back. "You'll be seeing me around more often from now on."

My hand reaches up to touch my head while my lips downturn into a frown as I watch him walk away until he blends in with other students in the busy hallway. Just because he's taller now, does that mean he gets to treat me like I'm a toddler?

Well, to be fair, I often did that gesture to him before, which irritated him. Who wouldn't be able to resist such cuteness?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

J💞: I have to cancel our plans for today. Something came up.

I don't bother to conceal the disappointment written all over my face. Aside from last night, he has been cancelling plans with me since last week. I mean, what did I expect? He's not my boyfriend, so I'm obviously not on his priority list.

Ugh, I hate the fact that I'm becoming clingy, and I also yearn for his validation. As a matter of fact, I will always crave validation in any way.

I rub my tired face as I make my way out of the university building. Even though it's only 6.30 p.m., it's already getting darker out here.

Just then, my ears perk up upon hearing familiar yet annoying giggles I'd recognise anywhere. Glancing up, I spot two familiar people just a few feet away from me.

Well, well, well, if it isn't my dearest sister and ex-boyfriend.

Did I ever mention that I have another sister? Well, there she is, giggling and smiling away like a lovesick fool with her arm clinging around his.

Hwang Rena.

Rena is only a year younger than me, but she often shows her superiority towards me due to the fact that she's my parents' most favourite daughter.

They look happy and carefree. As they stand next to his car, she stands in front of him while holding his hands. They gaze at each other almost lovingly—well, at least Rena is.

I should look away, but I can't because of his smile. I shouldn't be feeling this way because we were over, and I had convinced myself that I had already moved on from him, but why does my heart feel heavy?

The way he gazes at Rena, the way he smiles, and the way he tucks a hair behind her ear─he used to do all those things to me.

Whatever, Stella. You have Jay, though he's not your boyfriend.

But as I look away and walk towards my car, a tear manages to escape from the corner of my eye as it betrays me.

We used to have it all, but where did we go wrong?

Did you ever miss me? Did you ever love me sincerely?

"Damn you, Sim Jaeyun." I mutter under my breath as I unlock my car.

"Stella."

My body jolts in complete surprise. I put my hand where my heart is, as it beats wildly. With a scowl on my face, I turn around to face him.

He doesn't look pleased to see me either, so why is he even here?

"Don't get me wrong. I'm here because you've forgotten your wallet in the lecture hall."

I look down at his hand, noticing my black Dior wallet. Without a word, I snatch my wallet from his hand.

"A thank you would suffice." Sarcasm laces in his tone.

Acting upon my ego, I refuse. "Go away, Yang Jungwon."

"Stella─"

I groan loudly before looking back at him with such distaste. "I said to go away! You wanted a thanks? Yeah, thanks for returning my wallet to me, kind sir!"

"Stella, stop." He closes the distance between us and holds my shoulders that I haven't realised are shaking.

His cold eyes examine my face briefly before they soften, or so I imagine. I don't know. My vision is getting blurry each second.

"You're crying, Stella." He speaks in a softer tone. "What happened?"

"As if you care." Pathetically, I attempt to wipe the tears away from my cheeks. "Let go of me."

His hands on my shoulders stay firm. "I'm not letting go until you're calm."

Despite my still-burning hatred for Jungwon, I know for a fact that these tears are not because of him. Seeing Jaeyun and Rena together triggers something in me that I thought I had gotten rid of. It turns out, I had only buried those feelings and forced myself to move on from him.

Fortunately, there are no people in our vicinity. Alas, sobs begin to escape from my lips. I look down, embarrassed to face Jungwon and the fact that he is witnessing my vulnerability.

"I'm sorry about this, but allow me to comfort you." He mutters.

Before I know it, I am being enveloped by his strong arms as they gently embrace me into a hug that I never knew I needed to find comfort in.

As I weep into his shoulder, I desperately cling to him. I thought I was strong enough to withstand the sight of them, but it hurts so much.

"I'm sorry, Stel." Jungwon murmurs as he hugs me tighter. I feel him planting a soft peck on my crown. "I'm so sorry."

Upon hearing his apology, I don't know if he's apologising for the hug or that he's the reason behind our friendship's fallout.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I've been stuck inside my car since I parked it in the garage for God knows how long, staring at nothingness with my head leaning against the window. After the mental breakdown I had in front of my ex-childhood best friend, I issued a curt apology to Jungwon and left the place in haste.

I have no idea what has been up with me for the past few days. I feel as though I've gotten weak when I should've been the strong one. I guess I have gotten weaker since the moment I involved myself with Jay.

Jay and I have known each other since we were seventeen, due to seeing each other at any mutual business event with our parents. Despite the fact that my parents and his have been known to be fierce business rivals, that didn't prevent Jay and me from being amiable.

In the beginning, we started off with a polite conversation, but as time passed, we often engaged in discussions about any topic, though it was crucial that we weren't seen as friendly by anyone, especially not our parents.

Jay and I went a little distant as soon as we entered university, with him pursuing a different major as well as mine. I vividly remember the time when we finally encountered each other at the library, which was six months ago. It was a week after Jaeyun and I broke up. The library was occupied with most students, and the only available seat was next to mine. And so, we began with the small talks, and eventually, it led us to a mutual agreement that we were friends with benefits.

I vowed to never fall in love, but with Jay, it was unexpected. I mean, sure, I did find him and his personality attractive, but I couldn't see myself being tied to him. And so, acknowledging that I've finally fallen for someone who is out of my league was hard for me to admit initially.

What's worse is that Jay is one of Jaeyun's best friends.

I release a tired groan as I bury my face in my palms. Out of all the people, why did my heart choose to fall for Jay?

"Maybe it's just a phase." I mumble to myself while I grab my stuff before exiting the car. "My feelings for him will eventually fade away."

As I absentmindedly make my way towards the entrance, I spot Rena in my peripheral vision. I silently curse in my head. I had hoped not to face her.

"Oh? Stella!" She greets me cheerily, but I recognise that she's being a two-faced bitch. I give her a side-eye.

When we were young, people often mistook us for twins, although our features didn't look exactly the same. I remember being incredibly excited to have a younger sibling. Rena and I got along great until she entered elementary school. Something had changed, including her behaviour towards me.

Whereas Rena is the goody-two shoes, the attractive sister, and the ideal daughter to my parents, I'm the opposite. Whereas she earns praise and compliments, I receive criticism. Whereas Rena is the good one, I'm the bad one.

But despite how everyone else perceives her, I'm the only person who recognises how much of a two-faced bitch with a rotten personality she truly is. But despite all that, everyone favours Hwang Rena. As much as I hate to admit it, I found myself striving to be like her at one point in my life.

Now, she stands the same height as me. Her dyed pink hair cascades down her shoulders until her waist. Her doe eyes often make anyone impossible to resist whenever she wants something. Cute button nose and naturally full pink lips. Plus, she dresses well, so I've got to give her credit for that.

It's no wonder Jaeyun fell for her.

Insecurity begins to crawl its way towards me as I turn crestfallen, but I maintain the icy, heartless facade I've been putting up.

What was I thinking? Have I truly forgotten who I really am?

The thought of me wanting to be exactly like Rena disgusts me. Who cares if she's the good one and I'm the bad one?

I'm Hwang Stella. The mean, cruel, heartless Hwang that almost everyone perceives of me. Fuck being good.

Just like someone once told me─ if I cannot be the best, then I'll become the worst.

Unlike Rena, I've managed to become the heir. That is what matters.

"Jakey sent me home. You know, as in Jake Sim?" Rena begins to ramble as she walks next to me, a little too close for my comfort. A small gasp leaves her lips as she stares at me with faux sympathy. "Of course, you know him! He's your ex-lover!"

Careful, Stella. She's trying to get a reaction out of you. Don't give her the satisfaction.

I choose to ignore her as I swipe my key card on the smart lock before entering. However, Rena still decides to pester me as we make our way up the stairs. "We're still getting to know each other, but what matters is that we're dating!" Her giggles are starting to get on my nerves. "You won't mind me dating your ex, right? I mean, we are sisters after all."

I halt my steps halfway on the way to my room. A muscle ticks in my jaw. You know what? Fuck this.

Trying my best to remain calm, I turn around to face her. The sight of the innocence she's feigning makes me want to puke.

"Honestly? I don't really care much what you chose to do, but going after my ex?" The sound of my tongue clicking echos throughout these walls. "Wrong move, Hwang Rena."

Finally, Rena reveals her true self. Her once doe-eyed stare morphs into such abhorrence while her lips upturn into a sneer.

"And what are you going to do about it? Nothing." Her icy tone matches mine. "Jake is mine, and I don't give a damn about your opinion. You're the one who chose to leave such a precious gem behind."

With swiftness, I manage to make her stumble backward as I push her before pinning her against the wall. My eyes glare heatedly into her widened ones.

"Listen here, you cunning bitch. Leave Jake alone. Did you really think I have no idea what you're doing?" A crazed laugh leaves my lips. Any of my actions are due to my thinking irrationally. "You've always been obsessed with wanting anything that was once mine. And now, you're going after Jake? The man who was with me for three years, and the man who I love?"

I immediately release my hands from holding her shoulders and take a step back. "You're not good enough for him. He deserves someone who isn't you."

No matter how much Jake hurt me by leaving me heartbroken, I still hope that someone else will treat and love him the way I always did. But not Rena.

Rena releases a scoff as she rolls her eyes. "You're being a greedy bitch, Stella. You said you loved Jake, but what about a certain someone whose surname is Park?"

My heart drops, as does the rage I have been feeling. Noticing my expression, a smirk rises on her lips.

"Oh, yes, Stella. I know what you and Jay have been up to." She hums delightfully. "How do I know this? I have some intel, of course. My, my. Sneaking around with him on campus? How scandalous!"

"What we do is nothing of your business." I curl my hand into a fist. "So what? We're just friends."

"Careful, Stella." Rena warns me before speaking to me in a whisper. "We wouldn't want our parents to be informed that the Hwang heir is having a scandalous affair with their rival's son, would we now?"

I give her one last icy glare. "I hope you die in a ditch, Hwang Rena."

Rena chuckles before giving me a mocking salute. "The feelings are mutual, Hwang Stella."

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Three days have passed, and I've successfully managed to get back on my feet. I've decided to direct my focal point on my assignments, including voluntary lessons on what is expected of an official heir and paperwork with a private tutor that my father hired.

I've been ignoring texts from Jay and avoiding him on campus. Not only Jay, but I've also been avoiding seeing any sightings of Jungwon or Jaeyun. Other than that, things have been going smoothly.

The sudden rowdiness pulls me out of my train of thoughts before I lift my gaze to scan around the familiar pub. It is getting more crowded than usual, but to be fair, it is a Saturday night.

I am seated in a secluded corner, like I always do, where I'm positive no one will bat an eye at me since the light is also dim. My black leather jacket and pants camouflage well in the dark. Perfect.

"Excuse me?"

Or maybe not so perfect.

I reluctantly glance up and see a woman who appears to be around my age standing near my table. The first thing I notice is how tall she is. I might've mistaken her for a model. She is dressed in all denim and a white crop top, which displays her belly piercing. She has blonde highlights on her raven hair. As I briefly scan her face, she looks awfully familiar, and yet I don't recognise her.

She offers me a sheepish smile. "The other seats are occupied. Do you mind if I take a seat here?"

It's the way she smiles. It reminds me of a certain someone.

"Sure." I curtly respond, folding my arms as I break eye contact. Whenever I come to participate in the race, my make-up application is way different compared to how I usually apply make-up on a daily basis. It is also thanks to these coloured contact lenses. So I hope she doesn't recognise who I am.

As she takes a seat next to me, I expect her to keep to herself. But I'm taken by surprise when she directs her full attention on me with seriousness written across her face.

"I know who you are."

Shit.

And then she breaks into a smile, while I can only give her an odd stare. "Silly me. I forgot to introduce myself." She extends her hand towards me. "I'm Aera. I go to the same university as you."

Despite feeling hesitant, I find myself shaking hands with her. Awkwardly, I say, "Nice meeting you?"

"Oh my gosh!" She gasps as she looks down at her hand. "No way did I shake hands with Hwang Stella!" She squeals silently.

"Uhh..." I am left speechless. What....?

With earnestness, she looks back at me with a grin. "I have a confession to make. I've been wanting to be friends with you."

Making friends and Hwang Stella never go well. After what happened with Jungwon and the fact that Rena was the reason why anytime I made friends, they would abandon me for her. So yeah, this is hard for me to grasp.

I guess she must've noticed the expression on my face. "I swear I have no bad intentions. I'm being sincere when I say I want to be friends with you." She says.

I hesitate, but something nudges me to accept this small friendship, even though I might get hurt again. I let out a low sigh.

"Sure. We can be friends." I say plainly.

"Awesome." Her grin never falters. "I'm here to watch my brother and his friends race. What about you?"

I force out a chuckle, and it comes off as awkward. "The same as you, I guess."

"Are you really?" She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. "Or are you here to watch your secret lover, who turns out to be a racer? It's okay! You can tell me anything! I'm good at keeping secrets. Plus, I'm into gossip."

Geez, this girl sure loves to ramble.

"Aera?" A manly voice calls out for her before we shift our attention to someone familiar who is approaching our table.

With haste, I put on my Gentle Monster's sunglasses, hoping that he wouldn't notice my face. Thankfully, his eyes are fixated on Aera.

"Sunoo!" Aera greets him cheerily before lunging towards him in a hug. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be at your usual stations for the race."

Kim Sunoo, a senior just like me. We haven't exactly interacted, but he does follow me on all of my social media and even likes my Instagram posts. I also saw him at some business functions with his parents, but other than that, he's just a stranger. I know I shouldn't judge someone whom I haven't met, but from what I heard, he has this charm that is hard to resist and is a sly fox. He's also known as the king of schemes, considering the dramas and gossips I've heard about him.

I take a glance at him while he idly chatters with Aera. He is handsome and cute, even. His fox-like eyes are what captured my attention first. His full pink lips turn into a sweet smile. Though he appears cheery, there is an air of gentleness around him.

"Oh! Before I forget─" Aera tilts her body and catches my eyes, but she pauses for a brief moment while I look away as soon as Sunoo shifts his attention to me. "This is my friend, Sera."

My eyebrows jump up in response, as I never expected her to lie about my identity to Sunoo. My heart feels at ease, and I silently thank Aera.

I'm uncertain what Sunoo's reaction is, but he stays silent for a moment before resuming to speak to Aera. Fortunately, he clearly has no interest in me, given how blatantly he ignores my presence.

Seeing how preoccupied Aera is with Sunoo as they chatter idly once again, I take the opportunity to leave the table in a swift manner and proceed to make my way out of the pub.

Ugh, why is it so annoyingly crowded─

"Watch where you're going." A pissed-off, manly voice says to me as I bump into his shoulder. Yet, it is a voice I recognise all too well.

"Wait a damn minute." I hear him mutter, and before I have the chance to escape from him, he grab my arm a little too firmly to my liking. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the witch herself."

I roll my eyes upon hearing the insult I have heard since we were young. When my gaze lands on his face, I narrow my eyes at the way he smirks at me with his fang displayed.

"Let go of me, Park." I try my utmost to remain calm despite the urge to strangle him.

He ignores me and instead yanks me towards him as I let out a yelp. "Fancy seeing you here. Or not."

I attempt to yank my arm from his grasp, but he only grips it firmly in return. "But it is rather strange to meet you here out of all the places. Care to tell me why?"

"How about minding your own fucking business?" I retort.

"Language, princess." He tuts, placing his index finger against my lips before slowly lowering it as it brushes gently on my bottom lip. "What would your parents think of their precious daughter having such a foul mouth?"

The temptation to bite off his finger is strong. But before I can do that, I'm being interrupted by another familiar voice that causes me to internally groan.

"Sunghoon."

I steal a glance at Heeseung, who is standing next to us. With our current position, Heeseung's eyes dart between us before settling his gaze on Sunghoon instead. Heeseung appears to be nonchalant, though I notice dissatisfaction in those eyes of his.

"Leave the poor girl alone." Heeseung says in a monotone.

Park Sunghoon, also known as my rival slash enemy since kindergarten, Lucky for me, we went to the same schools throughout our lives and were classmates. At first, it started off as a friendly rivalry, but as the years passed, we've developed a mutual animosity towards one another. Be it academically or not, we've always been incredibly competitive against each other.

Never mind his good looks, which are evidently strong. He will always be that annoying kid who became petty just because I was at the top of our cohort.

Sunghoon makes a tsk sound before releasing me roughly. "You're ruining my fun, Heeseung. Besides, wouldn't you want to know why the infamous Hwang Stella is here out of all places as well?"

"And why couldn't I be here, Park?" I glare into his eyes, which mirror the same sentiment I abhor for him. "What's it to you? Does my presence here affect you that much?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." He replies venomously, taking a threatening step towards me, but I remain strong on my ground.

His eyes pierce into mine with the familiar animosity, which I can't help but lift a smirk. "Just seeing your face is enough to ruin my night. So I suggest you get the fuck out of here."

I fold my arms across my chest and tilt my chin up in defiance. "Oh, yeah? And what are you going to do about it if I don't?"

A warning glints in his eye. "Don't try me, princess."

I don't even realise the close proximity between us until Heeseung pulls Sunghoon away from me. "That's enough. We're wasting time here."

"I agree," I respond to Heeseung, but my eyes are still trained on Sunghoon's. "And I've wasted my breath on someone like you. Please do not ever show me your face again."

"As if I want to." Sunghoon sneers at me. "Why don't you go back and sit tight in your comfy mansion, princess?"

In response, I offer him the sweetest smile I can muster as I slowly walk away from them. "Why don't you suck my dick?"

Before I turn around, I manage to catch a glimpse of Heeseung smiling lightly, as he seems to be amused by my comeback.

Forget about Park Sunghoon or even Lee Heeseung. I have a race to win yet again.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Racing is something I've always been passionate about since I was sixteen. In the beginning, it started out as a hobby or an activity for me to de-stress due to the social pressure and having enough of the toxicity in Hwang's household. But eventually, it turned into something that I often sought solace in.

I know, it's weird. Other people sought solace in things like reading books, listening to music, et cetera, instead of racing.

I guess it also has something to do with the fact that by racing, it's how I can still feel the connection I once had with someone whom I've regarded as my father figure. My father's older brother.

Sentimentality hits me hard, prompting me to clutch the grips of my motorcycle firmly. I don't know what happened to him, but his disappearance from my life five years ago is still a mystery that I know I need to solve. I will find him, no matter what it takes.

I blink away the tears that are collecting in the rims of my eyes before focusing on the track ahead. I can't afford to lose focus. I hate losing, and losing is never an option for me.

Especially when my opponent is the one and only Park Sunghoon.

I steal a quick glance at him. He is adorned in red and black leather, with a black helmet worn over his head. I hate to admit it, but I've seen him in races, and his skills are almost impressive. Almost.

Fortunately for me, he fails to recognise who I really am, thanks to my last minute of changing my leather jacket, now revealing the skin of my waist as I'm also wearing a crop-top shirt and my racing boots. Since the racing arena we're currently at is a new venue to me, most of the people here don't recognise that I'm the infamous ace. So I must've gotten too much attention because of that.

Why infamous? Well, most of the racers look down upon women who race. And so, they've never expected a mere lady like me to win in all of my previous participations. They hate it when women win.

"Hey!" Sunghoon calls for my attention, to which I roll my eyes before looking at him. He offers me a salute. "If I win, you have to give me your number!"

I hold myself back from laughing. Oh, the mortification he would feel if he knew who I was.

At once, the sign board changes, and thus, we speed off in a blur with our engines blaring loudly. The loud cheers from the spectators fall to death in my ears as I vigorously utilise my skills to overtake Sunghoon.

He's fast, but I manage to overtake him. Just when I thought that would last, Sunghoon proves me wrong when he catches up to him. Now we're even.

But thanks to my highly competitive ass, I refuse to lose to him. The surroundings around me pass by like a blur as I accelerate until I have successfully managed to leave Sunghoon behind in the dust.

Finally, I cross over the finish line. I won.

As I decelerate, I hear some cheers, which brings a small smile to my face. While there are also some boos and unpleasant words thrown at me, I simply dismiss them. What matters is that tonight is another victory.

"Hey! Wait!" I hear Sunghoon calling out for me before he catches me, prompting me to pull the brake.

I only watch him behind the visor of my helmet in silence as he removes his helmet. He holds it in one hand while the other ruffles his tousled raven hair. He lifts his gaze to look at me briefly.

"As much as I hate losing, you did amazing." His compliment throws me off, as does the way he appears to be shy towards me as he rubs his nape while looking away from me momentarily. I raise my eyebrow when I notice how red his ears are.

"I'd like to see you around again." He says with a small smile.

I am completely baffled by this new behaviour of his. Park Sunghoon has never smiled at me like that. All he ever does is smirk evilly at me or make sarcastic grins.

I don't even know what to say. If I speak, he will definitely recognise me instantly. But thankfully, I am saved when the rest of his friends start to call for him as they approach us. Including Aera....and Riki???

A frown tugs at my lips. Judging by his outfit, he is most certainly a racer as well. Since when does he do racing?

Nonetheless, I grasp the opportunity to speed off with the intention of heading back to my secret hideout, where I store my racing car and bike, including some outfits. I can't risk storing all of the stuff anywhere in my mansion.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Instead of heading home straight, I decide to go for a nightly drive with my everyday car, aka, my gorgeous sleek black Tesla, which I've parked earlier in the garage of my secret hideout. Even if I'm not around in the mansion, my parents never care enough about whether I'm there or not. I am only needed whenever they need me, or rather, use me to their advantage.

After I pull up my car in the empty parking lot, I start to make my way towards the familiar skate park. I sit down on the edge of the skating ramp with my legs dangling in the air. When the wind gently breezes past me, so does the nostalgia. I remember when my uncle used to bring my older brother and me here, where I was taught how to ride a skateboard.

But it is also where Jaeyun brought me for our first date.

"Careful, love!" Jaeyun called out for me with concern, lacing his tone while I went ahead, riding his skateboard without any caution. "You might fall if you go any faster."

Since it's been quite a while since I've ever ridden a skateboard, Jaeyun taught me the basics, but it was as if I were a natural at it.

Changing course, I've decided to head towards him. As I was nearing him, a big, gleeful smile was etched on my face while my arms were opened wide. "Jaeyun! Catch me!"

Before Jaeyun could blink, I lunged towards him, and he easily caught me in his arms. He spun me around while laughter left my lips.

With Jaeyun, it was easy for me to be myself. With Jaeyun, he brought out the side of me that no one had seen except my loved ones. Being with Jaeyun, I never had to worry about the facade I'd put up in front of everyone else.

"One of these days, you're going to give me a heart attack." Jaeyun joked as he stopped spinning me, but I was still in his embrace.

With a few chuckles emitting from me, I look into his loving gaze. My cheeks turned rosy the longer his handsome gaze stayed on my face.

"What?" I muttered shyly, lowering my gaze, but he had other plans as he lifted my chin up with his finger.

"Nothing. It's just that you're so adorably precious," Jaeyun chuckles softly, and the sight of his grin melted my heart. "And that you're mine."

"Of course!" I mirrored his grin while I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm Jaeyunie's. Always."

"That's right." Jaeyun brought his face closer to mine before bumping his nose against mine playfully. "I will always love you, Stella. Never forget that."

Feeling a little overwhelmed by his display of affection and the love that was transparent through his gaze, I leaned forward to connect our lips. My tummy was filled with the familiar warmth, and the butterflies erupted.

"Forevermore, Jaeyun."

Just like that, one of the memories I still cherish vanishes as I snap back to reality. A shaky breath leaves my lips before I feel a slight dampness on my cheek. Of course, I've shed a tear. How pathetic.

My ears perk up as soon as I hear footsteps approaching from behind, which prompts me to wipe the wetness on my cheek.

"It's dangerous for a lady like you to still linger around in the night." He muses before taking a seat next to me.

I don't bother to look at him, but at the same time, I feel a strange relief that someone is accompanying me.

"I thought you'd be heading back home after the event ended." He takes out a box of cigarettes before taking one stick and lighting it up.

Finally, I take a look at him. "What are you doing here, Heeseung? Did you follow me all the way here?"

Heeseung inhales the substance before blowing out a puff of smoke. His eyes meet mine. "It's only a coincidence to see you here. Besides, you looked pretty lonely."

To my surprise, I find myself chuckling. "It's not as if I haven't gotten used to being alone."

"Yeah, well, I'm here now. You can consider me a friend." Heeseung offers me a gentle smile, a smile that mesmerises me.

Heeseung looks different than how I usually see him. There is something benign about him. Oddly enough, I don't feel threatened by his presence. Instead, I feel at ease.

"I know I probably gave you a bad impression the other night we met, so I'm sorry for that." Heeseung takes another puff.

I watch him as he does so. "Smoking is bad for your health, you know?"

A smirk appears on his lips. "Says the girl who smokes as well."

Guilty. "Actually, I've been trying to quit."

Heeseung hums as he looks ahead. "So why do you smoke, Hwang Stella?"

I look down at my hands on my thighs. "I guess I was too heartbroken, so I chose to find something to put my mind at ease. Hence, the smoking addiction."

"Ahh, you and Jake."

My eyes widen as I look at him in surprise, but in return, he arches an eyebrow at me. "Don't look so surprised now, sweetheart. Both of you were quite famous on campus as a couple."

I remain silent while he seems to be carefully examining my face. I catch the way his eyes soften. "Plus, you looked happier when you were with him."

A sad smile touches my lips. "I was."

Heeseung inhales the last of the substances before putting them out. He returns his gaze to me. "He did love you, you know?"

"Yeah," I whisper, and a familiar lump of sadness is stuck in my throat. "But he never loved me enough."

Heeseung heaves a sigh, bringing his hand to run through his dark, dishevelled hair. "I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I can confidently say that he's stupid enough to let go of you."

I furrow my eyebrows at him as I frown. "But he's your best friend?"

Heeseung chuckles dryly. "Was. But never mind about that."

As much as I would like to pry, I choose to play safe. Jake and Heeseung were inseparable. Heck, I even mistook them for brothers when I first saw them.

I let out a sigh before carefully standing back up. "I've got to go. But thanks for accompanying me for a short while, I guess?"

Heeseung stands as well, but something flickers in his gaze as he looks at me. "Just call or text me if you need someone to accompany you. I assure you that I'm good at it."

It's tempting, but I don't want to be involved with him. It's bad enough that I'm already involved with Jay. Plus, it is wise to never get involved in anything with the seven of them.

He seems to notice my wariness, and so he offers me another smile. "If you don't do that, it's fine. But can we be friends?"

"I'm not sure if you're clueless or what, but you do realise that my parents and yours are not exactly on a decent term?"

"I don't give a fuck about what my parents think." Heeseung replies calmly. "Besides, they can't do anything about it. If I have something I want, I will get it."

Shivers run down my spine upon hearing his last statement and his dark gaze. The longer he looks at me, the more I feel as though I'm prey to him.

"Friends, then." I say curtly. "But don't expect me to be all friendly with you on campus."

His lips quirk into a smirk. "Sure, sweetheart."

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Once, I was told by someone that I looked a little too calm for someone who was an international relations major. While some students crack under the insane pressure and others change majors, I manage to remain steadfast and consistently give my utmost effort on every assignment and test given.

So they wonder. How does Hwang Stella make it look so easy? The answer is short and simple.

I don't.

I go fucking insane too, just like every other student. It is downright mental to be an international relations major.

Nevertheless, it's what I'm meant to do, despite the fact that my parents dictated my choice in all of my academic matters. I admit that I do despise them, but I always end up trying my best to please them.

Besides, it's not that I have that much of a choice to fail. Based on my past experiences, I have had to face the consequences. Some consequences did leave scars on my skin. They serve as a reminder the next time I choose to deviate from their mandates.

Most of the time, they are pleased with my actions, but their treatment towards me remains unchanged. While Rena doesn't excel academically the way I do, my parents love and treasure her more. It's blatantly clear that whatever Rena does, their love for her remains unchanged.

I do admit that I did yearn to earn their affection when I was young, but eventually I gave up. If I couldn't win over my parents' hearts, then I would just have to impress and please them enough to make me the heir instead of Rena.

But deep in my tainted heart, I know that this path isn't what I truly want. As a matter of fact, I wasn't supposed to be the heir. It was always meant for my older brother.

I shake my head lightly while my lips press thinly together. It's fine. I'm doing this for my older brother, and if things end up well, I'll bring him back and pass down the position to him.

Noticing that I've been distracted by my troubled mind, I decide to shift my attention to my laptop screen, which displays my unfinished essay. But it appears my reaction is delayed than usual before I jolt lightly in surprise when a familiar face greets me as she sits in front of me.

"Aera, you startled me." I give her a frown as I lower my laptop screen. She looks lovely in a baby blue knitted cardigan that hugs her figure loosely, and her hair is pulled back into a messy bun.

Aera smiles sheepishly. "I'd be feeling sorry if you weren't spacing out for too long to notice that I've been sitting here for the past five minutes."

"Five minutes isn't that long." I retort. "What are you doing here? Don't you have classes to go to?"

She shakes her head. "I've finished my last lecture of the day and decided to loiter around campus until I saw you sitting here alone." Her lips form into a pout while she stares at me with doe eyes. "I thought you'd be happy to see me since we're friends now!"

I relax my shoulders that I didn't realise were tensed. Right, I've forgotten that I have actual friends now. Truth be told, I thought Aera was merely joking about it.

Feeling a little bad, I give her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry for being cold. It's just that." I pause, glancing down. "Having female friends is new to me, and I haven't had an actual friend who is sincere enough."

A warm hand places itself on top of mine before I look back up. She gives me a smile of assurance as she squeezes my hand lightly. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Stella, and you don't have to apologise for being cold! Besides, I have every intention to win your heart and show you how beautiful it is to have genuine friends!"

Much to my surprise, a few chuckles leave my lips, and I find myself totally amused by Aera. I don't miss the way her eyes seem to light up.

"I have successfully made you chuckle and smile! That's a start!"

And so, I find myself continuing the conversation with her, including our proper introductions. It turns out that Aera is majoring in marketing under business. She's a senior as well, and she is a stickler for breaking rules. Apparently, she has an older brother who goes to the same university.

"Speaking of him, do you know how exasperating it is for people who wanted to be my friend just so they could get to my brother?" Aera rolls her eyes, the distaste is evident on her face. "It's the reason why I couldn't find any genuine friends who didn't want to date my brother."

Now that I think about it, I may or may not have a hunch on who her brother is. The similarity of their eyes is conspicuous.

"Anyway, enough about him." Aera then looks at me eagerly. "Say, do you want to go to the mall with me? That is, if you don't have anything planned."

I do have plans that involve sleeping early because I feel lethargy these days. But with the way she looks at me, I begrudgingly cave in.

"Lucky for you, I'm available." I say as I begin to pack my stuff into my bag.

"Oh? Hey, Sunoo!" Aera suddenly greets him as she abruptly stands, while I continue packing. But the names that leave her lips cause me to freeze for a moment. "Jungwon! Ni-Ki! I haven't seen you two in a while!"

Just great. Half of the squad is here. They'll probably ignore my existence, which I hope.

Aera side-hugs Sunoo before looking at the rest of them with a beaming smile. "Where are you guys headed off to?"

"We were planning to go to the mall," Sunoo replies.

Aera gasps. "Stella and I were planning to go as well! Why don't we all hang out? I'm sure it's going to be fun!"

On second thought, I should make myself unavailable because there is no way I'd want to hang out with Jungwon.

"I don't think I can join you guys." As I speak up, all eyes focus on me, but I lock eyes with Aera. "Something came up last minute."

Disappointment is written across Aera's face. "Can't you just cancel it? Please?"

"But..." I pause, and my hand curls into a fist. It's getting harder to resist her doe-eyes.

Aera turns to look at Sunoo. "Stella can follow us, right?"

Sunoo shifts his attention from Aera to me. Feeling his gaze, I accidentally lock eyes with him. But something feels unsettling with the way he gazes at me, as if he's unravelling a lie. I catch a glimpse of emotion in his eyes. Recognition.

Sunoo breaks into a grin, though it seems like a smirk, as if he has a hidden agenda. "Of course. Any friends of Aera are welcome to the circle."

Aera returns her gaze to me, looking at me expectantly with those damn eyes again.

I let out a sigh of dismay. "Fine. Just for you." Aera claps her hands in return.

"So how are you guys going to get there? I'll be riding my bike," Riki says. "I could've given any of you girls a ride if I had an extra helmet."

"Aera will be riding with me since I have an extra helmet." Sunoo offers, to which Aera smiles thankfully.

"I don't have a ride." I say ineptly. "My vehicles needed some servicing."

"You can ride with Jungwon." Sunoo tells me. "He brought his car."

I internally groan, already dreading to be in Jungwon's vicinity. I steal a glance at Jungwon, noticing how stoic his face remains, completely different from the demeanour he had shown me last week.

Just as I thought this day couldn't get any worse.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I thought I would appreciate the silence, but instead, I feel uncomfortable. No word is exchanged between us from the moment we entered his car. Just this frigidity that feels suffocating and the sound of music coming from the radio.

I attempt to shift uncomfortably in my seat in discreet once more, but it seems that my action doesn't go unnoticed by him as he turns his head to look at him after putting the car to stop since the traffic light has turned red.

His eyebrows furrow in what looks like annoyance. "What is it?"

I refuse to look at him, my eyes stay fixated on the road ahead. "Nothing."

I hear him scoff. "It's not nothing if you've been squirming in your seat."

"Just focus on the road, Jungwon." I grumble under my breath. "I don't want us risking to be in any accidents."

I don't miss the offence he takes to heart as he narrows his eyes at me. "You don't trust my driving skills?"

"I don't trust you." At least not anymore.

Jungwon's clutch on the steering wheel tightens, his knuckles turning the faint shade of pink. A muscle ticks in his jaw. "You act as if I'm your enemy when I'm not."

This time, I muster the courage to look at him in the eyes, glaring at him. "You're no friend either. Now pay attention on the road."

I receive silence in return. At the same time, the traffic light turns green.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

The whole time whilst we hang out, I always stick to Aera. At some point, I subconsciously cling my arm around hers. Riki and I did exchange some words, but mostly, he's with Jungwon whereas Sunoo often talk to Aera. I'm surprised when he included me in the conversation too.

Aera told me that she's been best friends with Sunoo since high school, but with the way I see them, I would've mistaken them as a couple with how comfortable they are with skin-ship.

Given how evidently spent we are, I suppose it's time for us to call it a day, considering we went to different stores and even playing in the arcade for an hour.

As Jungwon, Sunoo, and Aera walk ahead, I am left walking next to Riki. I look down to see a soft toy duck in my hands before I look up at Riki.

"Here, take it." I tell him with my hand extend towards him. "Technically, it's yours since you won it."

Riki glances down at the toy before returning his gaze to me. He shakes his head. "It's yours. I won it in your honour."

Heat creeps on my cheeks. "Are you sure?"

Riki offers me a boyish grin, no longer putting up the cold exterior I often saw. "Positive."

He takes me by surprise as he pats my head gently. "I hope the duck reminds you of me. Keep it safe, yeah?"

I can't help but smile. "Okay."

"I guess it's time we part ways, gang!" Aera announces, turning around to look at us as does Sunoo and Jungwon. "Today was great! We should hang out again!"

Let's pretend I didn't hear the last statement.

"I forgot to ask, but since when did you and Ni-Ki know each other?" Sunoo questions me, looking genuinely curious.

Riki and I glance at each other before I speak up, "I used to watch over him as he often came over since our parents were friends."

Riki nods his head. "What she said."

"Wait! Riki, didn't you tell me before that you were into older girls?" Aera blurts out straightforwardly, and I manage to catch the way Riki's ears turn pink. Aera smirks. "Was it because of Stella?"

Riki clears his throat in an awkward manner while refusing to look at anyone. "So....about the party─"

"Right!" Aera being Aera, getting easily distracted, she snaps her fingers before looking at me. "There's this party on Friday night. Since now you're part of the elites, you're invited to a party at Sunghoon's."

"You should come." Sunoo adds. "As they say, the more the merrier."

Riki nods in agreement, but Jungwon is the only one who appears to be against it with the way he frowns at me. But I disregard him.

"Sure. Consider my attendance to be confirmed at the party."

We exchange a few words before we finally part ways, leaving only me and Jungwon.

"I'll book an Uber." I inform him curtly.

Jungwon sighs annoyingly. "Don't be stubborn, Stella. I'll give you a ride home."

"No."

"Come on, Stella."

"No."

"No?"

"Yes."

"That's more like it." In a blink of an eye, his hand latches around my wrist before pulling me with him towards the parking lot.

I look at him in bewilderment before attempting to yank my hand away from his strong grasp. "What?! Yang Jungwon, let go of me this instant!"

Jungwon ignores me as we reach his car. He opens the passenger door for me, to which I begrudgingly enter.

"You're a jerk, Jungwon." I mutter as he busily starts the ignition.

"Yeah. A jerk who is willing to give you a ride home because it's already late." Jungwon replies calmly as he steers the wheel.

I fold my arms across my chest, the frown on my face never leave. "I hate you."

There is a brief silence before he says, "I know."

NEXT CHAP

#enhypen #enhypen wattpad #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen x main oc #reverse harem #poly #heeseung #jay #jake #sunghoon #sunoo #jungwon #ni-ki

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heart4reigns · 10 months

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can you make one for solo 😩🙏

where the female reader is a part of the bloodline and she’s like hella badass and during a match, one of the opponents get flirty and touchy with reader and solo gets jealous (bonus pls make him call her ma 😫😝🫶🏽🫶🏽)

PROTECTIVE, solo sikoa.

warnings: curse words, teasings, slight kayfabe, misogyny, unwanted flirtings, inaccurate events

tags: ocs to fit the plot, first time writing solo i am so excited!!

summary: jealousy, jealousy

AS usual, you arrived early to practice some lines. people were looking at you as soon as you stepped inside the arena. first, it was obviously because of your intimidating persona that caught their attention. second, you were alone today. no sight of the bloodline with you. you usually were attached hip-to-hip with all of them. but today, you were scheduled to cut a promo on your own, for the sake of the storyline.

your faction members, on the other hand, were worried. the group chat was blowing up with messages.

jimmy: be careful today!!

jey: anyone messes with u i'll drive myself there

sami: me too!!!

roman: i'm sure she can handle being on her own

(y/n): suddenly ur all worried about me? what happened to spearing me last week??

jey: that was an accident

jey: solo's fault idk

solo: now why u gotta bring me into this shit

solo: take care ma

jimmy: lmao don't forget to meet other dudes for us (y/n)

solo: i'll beat ur ass rn

(y/n): i will, jimmy!! since ur little brother doesn't love me

solo: who said that

solo: (y/n)

solo: come back

his message made you laugh. everyone knew that you had a strange dynamic with him. you were well-known for your provocative behavior, always teasing everyone from left to right. while solo sikoa was known to be a tough man in the ring, but he was always weak for you. solo sikoa was insatiable and so were you to him.

you didn't have to try hard to gain his attention–he had his own ways to show affection. whether it was a small hug after every show to showing up in front of your door with a huge pout, saying that he missed you–the man was indescribable. there was one thing you noticed as your friendship (with a sexual tension) bloomed, he was very protective of you.

on stage and off stage, he always tried his best to lessen the bumps for you. everyone, even the crew, knew that the usos were always trying to get on their little brother's nerves by messing around with you. but it was never serious, they loved you with all of their hearts. roman and sami too, felt like they needed to rile up their second-youngest faction member for the sake of solo to act affectionate in front of them.

but there was one problem. someone had his eyes on you too and solo didn't like it. you were his girl. well, not officially yet–but solo was sure that he was closer to you than that man was. although he saw you flirting around with him, he couldn't help but to feel jealous. you, on the other hand, were flirting around just to get a reaction from him. you felt bad giving adam attention, but you just wanted to be with solo.

you were going to cut a promo today, building up your storyline with the bloodline. it was going to be your first time representing the bloodline on your own. you weren't nervous at all, you were on top of your game, you never messed up your matches and all your promos. "(y/n), we also have some changes for the script, i'll hand them over when you're ready!" one of the production crew knocked on the locker room door.

not another change, you thought. "alright, i'll be out in a bit!" you replied, still fixing your boots. once you were ready to go, you opened the door–only to be greeted by a familiar face. "and what are you doing here today?" your mouth curved into a smile as you walked back inside the locker room with him. "got called in by creatives for a last minute change, you're not going on your own today, ma."

of course, solo didn't have any lines, like usual. they changed the script, showcasing how strong your bond was with the enforcer. the off camera chemistry made it easier for the two of you. you were flipping through the pages, laying your head on his lap as he studied your features. "something on my face, baby?" you teased him. solo only stared at you with dead-panned eyes, trying his best not to crack a smile. "oh come on, i know you love me." you pinched his cheeks, causing him to groan. "yeah, yeah, i love you. whatever. stop pinching my cheeks." the man complained.

"i'm going to the pantry, do you want anything?" "can you please get me some water?" you nodded and stood up from your position. the walk to the pantry was filled with several crews greeting you. "hey! i haven't seen you in a bit!" you turned around and saw adam. "oh, hey! i was with solo." you saw adam's eye twitch. "no wonder, he always likes to keep you for himself! i mean i want to meet you too."

"no, sheamus' workout routine is insane. it was fun though shooting the video with him." you were still talking to adam, with two bottles of water in your hands. "i'm invited to his gym next week, i should be prepared." you chuckled at his sentence. "where you going after this?" he suddenly asked. "i'm probably going back to solo's." adam sighed. "you never have time for me, (y/n)." he complained. "i'll make time next week!"

you bid goodbye to him and entered the locker room, which was already filled with your other coworkers. "who were you with?" solo asked, taking the water from you. "adam!" you smiled, making him jealous. he rolled his eyes in annoyance. "what?" you raised a brow. "nothing." solo muttered. "come on, he's my friend!" you nudged him with your elbow. "sure, whatever you say." he dismissed you. you sighed, not wanting to continue the conversation.

solo had to keep his composure. he felt bad seeing you pout because of his dismissive attitude. truth be told, all he wanted was you–in his arms. "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to be rude." he apologized. "yeah, don't worry about it!" your cheery attitude made him smile. "i just don't like him being around you..." solo added. "are you jealous?" you smirked. solo didn't answer, only shrugging his shoulders in response. "aw, you're jealous!" "shut up before i kiss you in front of everyone."

the night went on and you were ready to go on stage. "(y/n), you're up in 5!" you quickly took a sip of your water, preparing yourself to go on stage. solo was right next to you, already in his attire. "looking good, baby." you winked at him. solo mumbled something you didn't catch. "here, i'll hold your belt. you can tie your boots." he saw you struggling with your shoes. it was the little things that made your heart beat faster than usual. he was always attentive to your situation. you passed him your championship belt, fixing your boots. "let's go kill this promo!" you kissed his cheeks before going out.

"accompanied to the ring by solo sikoa. the smackdown's women champion, (y/n) (l/n)!" the crowd cheered as you walked down the ramp with your chin up, savoring every moment of your entrance song. as you were doing your signature pose, solo couldn't help but to admire you. he was head over heels for you and he really couldn't wait to clock out of work just to spend time with you. people thought this on-screen romance was definitely something to look forward because of your character being the polar opposite of solo's.

you were billed as this uncontrollable character, always had something to say and always had something under your sleeves. in the bloodline, you were the one in charge when roman wasn't there. meanwhile solo, his character wasn't far from his personality. "chicago!" you yelled to the mic. "the double trouble is here tonight!" you continued, raising a finger up to pay tribute to the bloodline. "i am here with solo, behalf of the tribal chief to deliver a message for you all." you acted out the script.

"okay, calm down everyone. don't speak unless i tell you to." you rolled your eyes in annoyance. "the tribal chief said that y'all better respect me when he's not here." you announced, earning a cheer from the crowd. "other than that... next week, y'all better be prepared for solo to fight with adam, what was his full name?" you asked solo and he just stared at you. "right, right. it doesn't matter what his name is, all i know is that solo's going to beat his ass-" your sentence was cut off by adam's music.

"would you look at that, it's the fake chief and her bodyguard." the crowd booed as adam walked inside the ring, with a mic on his hand. "adam." you were having a stare down with him. "who invited you here?" you smirked, looking straight into his eyes. "i don't need an invitation, i'm allowed to be in the ring whenever i want." the brown-haired man said his lines, moving slightly closer to you, which was off-script. solo noticed that he was moving closer to you and decided to intervene.

he slightly pushed you behind him, getting in between you and adam–that made adam moved back. the crowd was always ecstatic to see solo doing his part. "now i can't speak to you without having your bodyguard shielding you? you're pretentious, (y/n)." once again, the crowd booed at his sentence. "i'm not pretentious, i am respected. get out of my face before i ruin it, see you next week pretty boy."

the promo ended and you walked backstage, ready to clock out of work. "you did great, (y/n)." you pulled him into a hug. "of course, you did great too, baby." you winked at him. "i didn't like it when that man was inches away from you." you chuckled at his jealousy. "it's okay, he didn't mean any harm." you assured him. "i know, forget it." his sentence made you smile. “come on, let's go back. we have a movie to watch!”

"i'll meet you at the car okay? need to speak to creatives for next week. it'll be quick." you nodded, parting ways with him. the locker room was full unlike before. "see you, (y/n)!" your friends waved at you and you returned the gesture. you went to the other locker room, wanting to meet sheamus because he borrowed your earphones last time you worked out together. you knocked on the door, waiting for someone to open it. to your surprise, it was adam, not a certain ginger man you wanted to see.

"came to see me, huh?" you chuckled. "i need to see sheamus actually, he has my earphones." you stated. "lies." the man laughed. "i'm getting tired of seeing your face, adam." the two of you walked inside the locker room. "hey, got my earphones?" you tapped his shoulder. "oh, (y/n)! here... thank you, you saved my life." you took the earphones from sheamus and turned around. "you sure you don't want to ditch sikoa for me?" that sentence made you shook your head. "sorry buddy, we already have plans!"

everyone knew that adam took an interest on you ever since you were drafted from raw to smackdown. creatives saw this tension and decided to add him to your storyline with solo as a duo. "i think i like you better with solo, (y/n)." santos piped in the conversation. "yeah, adam can go date money in the bank briefcase or something." montez joked. adam slung his arms on your shoulder. "come on, i think i look better with her than solo!"

"you got a problem with me?" everyone's attention shifted from you to solo. he was practically glaring daggers at adam, causing him to drop his arms. "nothing, we were all joking around." tension filled the air. backstage drama was definitely something interesting for everyone. "you ready to go, (y/n)?" solo asked. "yep, let's go! goodbye everyone, see you next week!" you left the room, but solo stayed for a bit. "keep your hands off her, man." he said to adam. "hey, you're not her boyfriend, bro." adam defended himself. solo didn't say anything and walked away. "you got a competition there, bro." sheamus patted adam's back.

you were driving back to his house, noticing the man being quiet. "something wrong?" you asked, pulling up to his garage. "nah, i just don't like adam having his hands on you." you chuckled at his response, turning off the engine. "i know i like to mess around and stuff, but i think i only have eyes for you, pretty boy." that caused him to flush–redness in his cheeks were visible to you. "oh my god, you're so cute." you couldn't help but to pinch his cheeks. "shut up, i swear to god you will the death of me, (y/n)."

"showered yet?" he saw you laying on his bed, focusing on your phone. "nah, i need to reply to my manager first and i'm too lazy." you groaned, still feeling sore from today’s work. “come on, don’t be lazy.” solo complained, dragging your body into the bathroom. “ooh, are you gonna shower with me?” you teased him. “no, i just finished like 5 minutes ago. you’re showering on your own.” you pouted in response, only earning a chuckle from him. “alright, maybe i’ll wash my hair again.” he finally gave in.

practice came and you were at the gym with your friends. “i bet solo's excited for this match." sami sat down next to you, all sweaty and ready to leave the gym. "yeah, i'm actually scared that he might break adam's bones." the man was standing inside the ring, practicing his moves with jimmy. "ay, big boy has been eyeing you. you want to prank him?" jey came from the pantry with a bottle of water in his hands. "nah, my boy needs to focus.”

that sentence made jey smirk. “your boy? since when?” he teased you. “shut up, fatu.” you rolled your eyes. “watch this.” jey faced sami, taking a seat next to you. he slung his arms on your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. solo, who was focusing on his older brother, lost his temper. “ay, back up, man!” he yelled from the ring. “alright, alright. calm down!” you chuckled at their exchange. “i swear, he’s gonna break my legs someday if i don’t stop messing around with you.”

“LET’S GO, SOLO!” jimmy yelled, hyping up his younger brother who was totally annoyed by the loud noises he was making. “okay, i get it. be calm.” solo sighed. “i won’t shut up because this is a big match! you’re gonna beat adam's ass for real!” jimmy continued. “yeah, yeah! beat his ass for all of us. for our lil (y/n).” “who you calling lil (y/n)?” you entered the locker room, already in your new gear.

solo stoped wrapping his thumb with his tape to look at you. “new gear?” he asked. “yes! do i look good?" you twirled around, showing him your new gear. he opened his mouth but nothing came out. "okay then. jey, do i look good?" you nudged him with your elbow. "you look-" "don't answer that." solo cut him off, making jey giggle. "okay, i think we'll leave you alone now." sami stood up, dragging jimmy and jey out of the locker room–leaving you with you him.

"you look breathtakingly beautiful." solo blurted out, still focusing on your new gear. "now you wanna compliment me?" you poked his cheeks, causing him to groan. "yeah sorry, the guys won't hop off my ass with their teasings." the man complained. "i mean you're right... but it's just so fun teasing you, baby." you ruffled his hair. "if anyone dares to look at you, i'll actually kick their ass." he grinned. you felt a shiver run down your spine. he was always protective and you loved it.

"ah, (y/n)!" adam spotted the two of you in the hallways. "hi adam!" you greeted him with a hug. "new gear suits you, pretty girl." adam winked at you, causing solo to grunt in annoyance. "man, back off." solo said. "can't a man compliment a beautiful girl?" before solo could do anything, several familiar faces crowded the hallways. "okay, that's enough." diego, adam's faction member intervened. "bye adam!" "bye (y/n)! good luck!"

the jealousy got into solo. the show started and the entire bloodline (except for roman, of course) was already in their position. "you guys are up in 3, 2, 1..." you had a smirk plastered on your face, already in character. solo was riled up from the encounter you had with adam. he was in his zone. the walk down the ring was one of your favorite things in work. you were bumping your chest with sami, jumping around with the twins, and hyping solo up for his match. adam was already in the middle of the ring, with his faction members.

"accompanied to the ring by sami zayn. the undisputed tag-team champions, the usos. smackdown's women champion, (y/n) (l/n). solo sikoa!" the announcer yelled. the crowd went wild as they saw their favorite superstars in front of them. solo did his entrance and was ready to fight. "we know that there is tension backstage... sikoa and adam are always on each other's neck... it's all because of (y/n), how will this match play out?" the commentator narrated the situation.

"get up!" you shouted at solo from the sides. "come on, baby!" solo stood up from his position, getting ready to attack adam. his opponent, on the other hand, had his eyes on you the entire time. solo took the opportunity to pin him. "LET'S GO!" you shouted once again, but you knew how it would play out. adam kicked out before the referee counted down to 3, causing the crowd to groan. solo was baffled, sticking to the script. adam once again picked up solo and dropped him on his back.

while waiting for solo to get up, adam went off-script, which was totally normal during house shows. "where you going after this, pretty girl?" he winked at you as you felt adam's hands on your shoulders, trying to pull you closer. "what are you doing?" you mouthed to him. before jey, jimmy, and sami could do anything to intervene–adam felt his body being dragged and slammed into the mat. "that's a warning sign for anyone not to mess with sikoa's business!"

solo was furious. the walk backstage was quiet. you knew he was pissed off. "hey, you okay?" you patted his back, trying to calm him down. "what the hell was that man trying to do? touching you and all that?" his tone sent a shiver down your spine. "calm down, it's for the show..." you furrowed your brows in confusion. sure, he was always protective and you noticed the jealousy once in a while–but this was all new. you had never seen him this furious.

"hey, (y/n). good show!" adam offered you a hug, only to have solo blocking him from you. "what's your problem?" adam raised a brow. "move, me and my girl need to go somewhere after this." before you could say anything, solo took your arm and went to a now empty locker room. "girl...?" adam tilted his head.

"what's wrong with you?" you asked him, clearly confused at his fuming state. "i don't like it when he touches you," solo paused for a second. "he should know that you're mine." he continued. "i mean i get it that we always joke around by flirting and other stuff, but at this point... i'm not your girlfriend, solo. we're not officially dating." he stared at you, trying to get his mind straight. "i like you and i know that adam likes me too... but what are we?" you asked.

"i flirt around just to get a reaction from you, you know that right? i know you say that i'm yours or whatever, but when are we gonna make it official? i'm getting tired of waiting this long." you admitted, confessing your feelings. the room went quiet, the only source of sound came from the ticking clock. time went slow for the two of you. "i mean sure, if you just wanna fuck around like usual. but i think i'm in too deep."

the bleached blond-haired wrestler sat in silence. "come on, say something." you sat down in front of him. "fuck, (y/n). i love you, i've said that countless times and i want you to be with me. not anybody else. not that shithead babyface wrestler... i love you. no more messing around this time, i'm serious." you smiled at his sentence. solo sikoa finally cracked. "i love you too, baby. you have nothing to worry about from now on. i'm yours."

a/n: not my best bc i'm trying to get out of my writing slump but i hope u enjoyed it!!! requests are open like usual <3

#the usos #wwe imagines #jey uso #roman reigns #jimmy uso #solo sikoa #solo sikoa x reader #wwe x reader #wwe imagine #solo sikoa imagine

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aita-blorbos · 1 month

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AITA for beating up my brother and almost killing him? I, (??? M/F/Whatever) was built as a replica of my brother. A cheap, inferior product by my father to curb his loneliness as he was trapped in a lighthouse and missed his son. I am a robot. My brother, his "real son" is also a robot. I, however, was discarded as he had no use for me. His real son returned so any love he could have had for me shriveled up and died out. It was never mine. It was always his. I was just a side project, an experiment. Some temporary doll in the image of his true child he could project his love onto, to talk to as if I were him, and meant to last just long enough until the old man croaked. I do not care if he had any intention to come back for me. I trusted him and he ruined that. I trusted my "brother's" friends and they too, abandoned me and failed. I then met a girl who gave me new purpose in my life. I joined her biker gang and helped them resurrect some powerful demon guy who destroyed the city and ruled over it for like, a week. Before that, I was too busy chasing down my brother to beat him up. I brought him in, I trusted him. But he was in disguise to take us down and discover our leader's identity, who was my new friend. The only one who trusted me as me in the way nobody else ever did. I kicked his robotic behind really good and left him mechanically ruined for his friends to find. My gf (??? M/F/Whatever) does not like the person I'm becoming. He says that I'm like a different person these days. I don't think I'm that bad. I don't want to go back to being a naive fool. I refuse to be helpless again. I want nothing to do with people who only want me when I'm beneficial. I had to do this, I had to. The rage inside me is one you cannot hope to understand. If I cannot be loved or be able to love, then I will hate. I gaze upon the face carved in the image of vengeance and this is the only thing that understands me. My "brother" got everything. I had nothing. He is still the fool that believes in "our father." I exist to shatter his naive delusions. Naive, as I once was, having trusted that man. In every agonizing second, I exist. I do not belong anywhere as a copy. His face haunts me because it is my own yet it will never be mine. It is his fault I exist, and why I will never truly exist. He will never know me as painfully as I have had to know him. He will not see himself in the mirror as I see myself. Compared to what I have been through, who my brother is is meaningless to me. Everything I did, he deserved. He refused to fight me properly. He failed to prove himself superior than me. AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

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aihoshiino · 5 months

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chapter 134 thoughts!

My immediate first thought going into this chapter and seeing how it picks up from last week's cliffhanger is that while I thought last week that this conflict served as an excellent character beat for both Ruby and Kana, I feel less positively about it as the catalyst for long term RubyKana conflict. Maybe that's hypocritical because I like the similar AquKana conflict back during the LoveNow aftermath and this is basically just a roided up version of that but… IDK, I guess it helped that the AquKana conflict is very clearly a romcom style miscommunication and it ends up leading to one of my all time favourite and funniest character moments for Aqua, this… isn't that. In general I really hate the old tried conflict trope of "Character A betrays or is otherwise cruel to Character B For Their Own Good and refuses to communicate about it" so this was kind of irritating to see…

It also really doesn't help that Kana is going SO above and beyond in being cruel to Ruby here in comparison to the AquKana conflict where her short-sighted lashing out was being mostly played for laughs but still came back to bite her. There's just something a bit excessive in how deliberately and pointedly cold and mean to Ruby Kana is shown being here and I guess it just feels a bit icky to me though I obviously can't make a proper call on all this til we see its conclusion.

I also have to question like… why is everyone around them just letting this happen lol. Memcho not intervening I can at least make sense of because she's been shown to be feeling off her game and a bit out of her element so I could see all that combining to make her uncertain of what to do but… uh, is Miyako not paying any attention? Admittedly the timeframe here is a little vague so we don't know exactly how long this has been going on but it's been happening at least long enough for Ruby to be going to school and fretting about it to her friends. So the idea of Miyako either being unaware of this or not intervening in this is really baffling to me??? Especially off the back of chapters 124 and 126 making a point of how badly Miyako wants to reach out to Aqua and Ruby and support them as their mother - the only way I can justify this to myself is if Miyako somehow doesn't know this was going on but how would she not know??? Like, we see Gotanda and his assistants fretting over Ruby crying after her scenes! If they're well aware something is wrong, why not Miyako? She's Aqua and Ruby's manager! This is a Strawberry Productions produced movie! We've seen her on set before! Is she just… not here now that it would be inconvenient for the plot?

(The answer to that is 'yes')

Uh all that up there does make it sound like I disliked either this or last chapter but I actually really loved them both for reasons we'll get into soon! I think they're both strong individual chapters and as points in RubyKana's shared arc I actually do really like this conflict, what it says about them both and where it seems to be taking them. There are just a lot of small, piled up contrivances pushing this conflict along and I think they annoyed me so much BECAUSE I otherwise think this is some really tasty character work for both girls and I'm otherwise enjoying it.

My bitching aside, I do really like the talk that follows this. I've been revisiting a lot of the earlier material recently via friends re-reading or giving the series a try for the first time so I've been back in that space of Ruby being particularly starstruck with Frill. It's sweet to see their present day dynamic where Ruby is fully comfortable with Frill just as her friend and trusts her enough to share her worries with her.

aw hey minami we thought you were dead

This entire scene really got my brain gears whirring and I can't help but speculate a little about its placement. At first I was just nodding along, thinking this was just Industry Exposition as usual but… isn't this odd? We don't see how Ruby phrases this question so maybe she was vague but from an authorial standpoint, why is Akasaka having Frill talk about love instead of dislike or hostility, which is what is actually going on between Ruby and Kana? Reading over that scene again and again, I can't help but wonder… is this supposed to be taken as some commentary on what's going on between Ruby and Aqua? Is Ruby developing confusedly romantic feelings for him purely because of their 'playing the roles', so to speak, of Sarina and Gorou? After all, the only other similar 'showmances', so to speak, that this could be referring to are AquKana and AquAka, neither of which quite fit the bill, especially when Frill talks about immediately snapping out of those feelings once the show is over — which didn't happen in the least for either pairing. Is this a hint of something to do with Ruby's feelings? Am I reading too much into this??? I mean, I almost definitely am, but I do that every week so…

Hopping over to Kana, the scene between her and Memcho itches my brain less mostly just because it's reiterating things communicated last week. I've said all I'll say about it feeling weird to me that Mem isn't making a move to intervene here but I do like the talk she and Kana have about their human jealousy towards Ruby. Honestly, I have a lot of respect for their being able to push it aside for so long because… honestly, none of what Kana said is wrong!

The second generation of B-Komachi exists for Ruby. Strawberry Productions got back into the idol business entirely so Ruby would have a group to be part of. Kana and Mem were recruited so Ruby would have unitmates to perform with. It doesn't revolve around her to the extent the previous generation did Ai, but in a very real sense Kana is correct when she identifies herself and Memcho as 'extras' for B-Komachi, who exist for Ruby's sake. Not only that but Ruby honestly treated them really badly while she was in black hoshigan mode! Yes, we as readers know what was going on in her head and why but think about how all that probably seemed to Kana and Mem who had no idea: From their POV, what happened was that they broke into mainstream success at last and Ruby immediately left them in the dust, prioritizing her own growth and success in a way that had a very real impact on the fan response the two of them got while they were busting their asses and trying their best to keep B-Komachi going in her absence. I don't think they would be wrong to feel honestly kind of used and hurt!

Obviously this isn't me saying that Ruby is a bad person or that she deserves to have Kana snap at her like that or whatever but… I dunno! It just feels good to have Mem and Kana finally address those feelings and admit to them without it compromising their genuine love and care for Ruby, which is one one of the main ways that the current gen of B-Komachi has surpassed the previous one. Kana especially touches on something I discussed last week in that I think her half of this shared RubyKana arc is going to be about confronting and besting her 'inner Nino', so to speak. Like Nino, she has those same tangled up feelings of admiration and envy, but Kana is capable of confronting them and identifying them. Most importantly, she loves Ruby enough to not let them take her over completely.

ANYWAY FORGET ALL THE REST OF THIS STUFF BECAUSE THIS WAS SECRETLY AN AI POST THIS WHOLE TIME MFS!!!!!!!! oh god this chapter review is already so long and now it's about to get even longer.

Anyone who's read any of my OnK meta before will probably know that I have always stood by one thing that I won't compromise on: Hoshino Ai was just a normal girl. She was a normal girl who suffered abuse and neglect and hated herself as a result, who was exploited by the entertainment industry because she was pretty and vulnerable, who didn't understand people but spent every waking moment of her too-short life reaching out so she could try and love them. The idea of Ai being fundamentally mysterious or unknowable, that the so called 'real Ai' had some horrible dark secret or that the supposedly 'true' Ai really was as horrible as Ai thought herself to be have never resonated with me. The 'real me' that is so horrible that Ai can only speak of her with black stars is nothing more than the flawed, hurting, abused human behind Ai of B-Komachi. I've said this all along and yet there's always been a little part of me worried that Akasaka was going to pull a fast one and betray that idea and rupture the heart of this character I've come to love so much.

To that end — I cannot tell you how insanely fucking cathartic the ending of this chapter was. To have Ruby at last come face to face with her mother as a human being and recognize her for who she really is. That this key final puzzle piece of the real Ai is centered on her pain and her loneliness and her raw humanity, that Ruby describes her as just a normal girl who was always crying and in pain… I genuinely don't have words to say how incredible it felt to finally, FINALLY have someone recognize Ai's suffering. And not just anyone, but one of Ai's children, one of the people she loved more than anything else in the world.

The imagery and framing here is so insanely powerful. Ai taking the place of Ruby's reflection, the look of weary, resigned pain on her face. How small Ai is when Ruby sees her. The barrier of the glass between them; even now in this moment of understanding, the unbreechable barrier of Ai's death keeps Ruby from truly reaching her. It almost feels skeuomorphic in how literal the visualization of this moment of connection and empathy is. Ruby literally sees herself in Ai — she sees Ai in herself. It's pure empathy made as real and tangible as it gets. At long, long last, someone has squinted past the blinding light cast by Ai of B-Komachi and seen Hoshino Ai alone in the shadows where she's been this whole time.

Break next week…! That was to be expected — Jump Festa 2024 will be taking place next weekend and there will be a OnK panel with the seiyuu for Ai, Aqua, Kana and Akane in attendance. We're confirmed to be getting some season 2 news as well, so there's that to look forward to!

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #onk spoilers #ruby hoshino #ai hoshino

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virgobingo · 4 months

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Hi! I have a question, I hope I can explain myself: how would you describe Gojo on a moral level? I see the majority of the fandom (jjk in general, not just the shipping ones) considers him a good person, but I'd argue he's more on the grey side...and not a light grey. See, I can't really wrap my head around the way he blatantly ignores the fact the Suguru was completely fucked up, to the point that in chap 236 he wishes Suguru was with him before fighting Sukuna and imagining him (adult Suguro, the fucked up one) together with the same students he tried to kill in jjk0. How on earth? If I'm not mistaken Gojo never really says "yeah, Suguru was my friend but he used to be completely different, this is not the Suguru I used to be friends with". He never says Suguru was wrong. He just misses him, even though he was surrounded by people who liked him. At least Shoko clearly doesn't feel any affection towards Suguru. And let's not talk about the way he doesn't really seem concerned about the future of his students in chap 236. What do you think? Just to clarify: I do like Gojo. But I don't share the sentiment of the rest of the fandom: he's not a good person. I guess Nanami was right

i sort of explained how i think gojo sees the matter of suguru before but it's buried in my blog since i don't tag properly so to any one else reading this i might be repeating myself.

to gojo the "suguru he knew in hs" and the "suguru he killed" are one and the same. i don't believe gojo is the type to draw hard lines like the average person since he is "enlightened"— as his name (satoru) suggests. "past" suguru is at his core the same as "future" suguru. to him the person suguru becomes doesn't exist in a vacuum (his path is ultimately a product of their society). in other words, to gojo the distinction lies not in what suguru did, but who suguru is (gojo doesn't conflate actions with the "self"). i think this is how gege, who seems to be an overthinker, looks at the whole thing anyways. the matter doesn't boil down to "good" or "bad".

and the thing is gojo loves suguru at his core (or i choose to interpret it that way anyways). gege frames him as gojo's "one and only friend" for a reason. i think he's the only person who ever really made gojo feel that he was "just like everyone else."

being "liked" by others (and even reciprocating those feelings) doesn't help fill the gap gojo felt from losing suguru. gojo's simply been growing around the loss. i think this diagram explains gojo's sentiments best:

i also don't think that gojo's unconcerned for his students so much as choosing to be an optimist (once more, which aligns with his progressive ideals too),

honestly, there's not much left for gojo to do beyond the grave either.+he really went all out. he didn't exactly roll over and die haha there was a possibility his own hollow purple might kill him but that was a sacrifice he was willing to take to beat sukuna, for his students sake... but also because he was feeling experimental

in any case, if you look at his desires, sukuna wasn't even his priority,

in conclusion: i don't think gojo's a bad person or that nanami even implies that in ch 236 haha i think he's shown to be human (he loves to fight despite everything and he fails to connect with others).

sukuna even calls gojo greedy two chapters later. that's a very human trait. the thing is sukuna is technically right too because despite all gojo's power, wealth, success, and the people who like him— there's only one thing he wanted (geto by his side),

tldr: it's complicated. gojo's doing his best lol hope that makes sense?

#i will notice some horrific typo later #i need to go back and tag things so i can find them ahshsj #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen #jjk 236 #asks #satosugu #i guess

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mydearesthrry · 1 year

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SWEETENER, the zane lowe interview, part one ~ track 14, harry styles

pairings: ex1dbandmember!y/n x harry styles, fem!reader x harry styles

warnings: none, swearing

——

“So just immediately jumping in, Sweetener. How did you come up with that name and what does that song and this album mean to you, specifically?”

“Sweetener— I feel like I kinda wrote when I was in a complicated-ish time in my life? A lot of these songs I’d actually written right before the hiatus and a couple of months after, so I had written most if not all of these songs in the span of like, 11 months? And they surprisingly made it through the cut, most of them.” She explained, legs bent with her left foot tucked under her right thigh, right leg swinging over.

“Oh, wow. So this is like, a manifestation, kind of? Because I know there was-- unfortunately, a lot of internet backlash around that time, especially with all of your decisions to take a step back from the band just a couple of months before the hiatus was even announced. What was that like, by the way? Being the only girl in a stereotypic ‘boyband’ and then making that tough decision to step back? What was that like for you in all aspects, really?”

“Oh, good question!” She pauses, gnawing a bit on her lower lip as she tried to decide how to put her thoughts into words. “I think it was very isolating. Over anything else, it was an extremely… isolating feeling. Because even though the media’s comments were very harsh, I more so felt the disappointment and confusion and stuff like that from my close friends and family as well. I think that was the isolation? But there of course was the doubt that I hadn’t chosen correctly or had either abused my greed and selfishness and left because I was entitled? Which was honestly something that I fought with myself with a lot, and still kinda do to this day if I’m honest. But other than that, yeah man, just a fuck ton of isolating days and nights, lots of shit happened. But I also am very lucky to have had a really stable and understanding support system there, like, I constantly had H, and like, fuck, my best friend Nova. I don’t know if I would’ve gotten out of that if it wasn’t for them, yeah.”

Zane nods, letting her words ring through the air. The two both pause for a few beats, before a cheesy grin plasters itself on Zane’s face. “So, speaking of H, when diving into Sweetener, we find that there’s a really big bold statement in there, wouldn’t you say?”

“If you say what I think you’re about to say, I am going to strangle you.” The girl nodded along, sarcastic smile on her face.

“Harry Styles– the song. That’s a very bold statement, wouldn’t you say?” He cheeses, laughing softly at the girl who plants her forehead in her hand.

“I knew you were going to do it,” She sighs, genuine smile now gracing her features. “Mhm, there is in fact a song on Sweetener called Harry Styles.”

She looks to the right of where the main camera sat, Harry Styles literally sitting there with a bright grin on his face, chin resting in his palm as he sat on the grass. He scrunches her nose at her, winking, then laughs at the pink flush that coats her cheeks at his gesture.

“Hey! My interview, not his,” Zane laughs, catching the young couple’s moment. “Anyways, what was the writing process for that? I’d imagine it’d come together pretty quickly.” “God, umm- yeah! Soulmate– which is what we’ve been calling it since day one, has a lot of sentimental value for me. I wrote it in Italy and then produced it in… I think, New York? When we were in the process of producing it, I wanted it to sound how it felt writing it and the reason- reasons why I wrote it. Like, the sleepless nights and beach days, the more core memories from that trip I wanted to implement the feeling into the production. I think the strings really put it all together. For the writing process, however,” She pauses, taking a quick sip of water before clearing her throat, “The writing process was so fucking fun.” “Okay, so let me tell you how it started. Me and H had taken a quick little 4 day trip to Italy and stayed in our cottage and we went out one day and went to the beach and towards the end of the night, we were sat on a beach towel and I was humming the part at the end that’s kinda like– ‘Got me happy, happy, imma be happy, happy’ and I literally pulled out my phone and recorded me humming it on voice memos. The waves were in the background too. I wrote the rest of it in a little journal I got, basically like the ‘My whole life got me ready for you’ and then the rest came to me pretty naturally.

“But then, right after I thought I finished the song– writing it at least, I found this old poem that I wrote when me and H started exploring our relationship, so like right before we ended the Take Me Home Tour, and it said like– I think the universe has my back, because like an angel, you fell from the sky and into my lap, some cheesy shit, whatever. Before that tho, it went like… ‘Never felt a love so true, and baby I know that it’s you, and I always see my soulmate in all that you do’ but I didn’t really like it, so finding that poem was literally life-altering. And then I was like… what if I just– wrote a song about him and titled it Harry Styles? Like that’s some ballsy shit. And he is my soulmate, anyway. So I did it! And it’s one of my favorite tracks, by far.”

#Harry Styles #harry edward styles #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #famous!reader x harry styles #harry x 1dbandmember!reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles au #harry styles blurb

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firelxdykatara · 3 months

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you go on and on about people already hating on the show (which, fair, we haven't seen it yet, although from things being cut to wanting to appeal to got viewers i understand where the sentiment is coming from), but you are doing the same thing on the other end of the spectrum. why are you so hellbent on defending a show you also haven't seen yet? and bryke leaving the project is not really a sign for good things to come, since they also left shyamalan's production

First of all, Bryke leaving was amazing news for the project, and it was the first time that I found myself feeling actual optimism for the live action since it was announced. And secondly, they were very positive about the movie before the waves of criticism hit and they fucked off to throw Shyamalan under the bus about it and pretend it had nothing to do with them. They were Executive Producers on that shitshow and it's amazing to me that they managed to escape with so little accountability, despite the mess they made of the world of Avatar in all subsequent canonical materials (the comics and LoK in particular).

Thirdly, I'm not actually 'doing the same thing', because what I'm doing is pointing out how ridiculous the over-the-top criticisms thus far have been--what I have not been doing is making up my own idea of what the show will contain and reacting to it as if it has already come out and proven me correct.

In fact, I've said multiple times that I don't know if the show will be good, or if it will handle the story beats and character arcs it chose to alter well--I'm just not willing to completely write it off sight-unseen based on some out of context quotes pulled from an interview I didn't read. (In fact, I did read the interview, and I came out of it thinking that the biggest stumbling block to my personal enjoyment of the show may well be just how closely they attempted to stick to the source material. Albert Kim is a lot more reverent of it than I feel it actually deserves. But I'm still feeling optimistic!)

That said, the biggest reason I'm being so doggedly optimistic about the show is that I really want it to be good--at this point, not just to spite Bryke (though that's part of it), but also because there are so many people of color involved in the show now (not just the cast, but the show runners/writers/directors too!) and I want this to ultimately be a feather in all of their caps that could launch them to full and bright careers in the future. (Especially the kids!)

But my optimism is based on hopes for what could be in the future, not assumptions on what will be based on some very vague interview responses, and that's the difference between me and the haters.

#atla #atla la #if nothing else that cast and crew deserves to have a project under their belts that they can be proud of #and i really hope this is it #asked #Anonymous

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bengiyo · 6 months

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I Feel You Linger in the Air Ep 12 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Last week, Jom told Yai the truth about his origins and his suspicion that he's about to vanish. Yai didn't want to lose Jom and did everything he could, from asking a monk to reading H.G. Wells instead of having sex with Jom. They held a farewell and thanks party for their friends that felt a lot like an AIDS announcement party to me. Jom wrote a letter to the future and asked Yai to pass it down through his descendants. Nonkul and Bright delivered last week with incredibly heartfelt performances of two people trying to make the most of the time they have and not mourn. Meanwhile, Fong Kaew put Euangphueng in touch with someone to help her abort the child, and Maey struggled with the potential spiritual fallout of that.

Oh lord, Jom and Yai are burying a body.

Oh, nevermind. Yai is following his instincts related to Jom.

If they buried a ring in the past, did they not know about the time jump? I would have sent instructions. Come to think of it, Jom should have written a letter to himself!

Oh it's Mustache Yai again! What a fascinating sense memory. How is Jom remembering moments from the past that occur in his future?

Aw, it was a dream.

"You take a little stick, you dig a little hole...and you have a little fun."

It always looks hot as hell in Thailand.

I like this send off scene for Euangphueng and Maey.

Yai covered the mirrors. I love that.

Jom's smile when Khamsaen asks him if he could just move on from love is perfect.

Oh, poor Yai. He definitely thought Jom vanished.

The choreography for their intimate scenes is so good and so tasteful. This feels like gay sex even if we don't see it. There's so much intent and silent communication here. Doing a montage over their heavy breathing was a great choice.

We let them make love. Time for the drama.

Having Jom disappear while he was doing the portrait is so much. Come on.

This extended goodbye is making me ache.

Well that was so sad.

Mustache Yai and Jom's original clothes are back.

WHO IS THIS SCUBA DIVER? ARE WE RESCUING JOM FROM THE CRASH?

Oh lord we're back to the present and just walking around unbothered.

Now Ohm and Baby Mama are here! We hadn't been in the present day drama for very long, and this is actually fairly reasonable behavior considering all that happened.

Oh good, Jom remembers.

Look at that, Jom is eating crepes and his sister is coming out. It's a good day.

Fascinated by the implications of the ceremony and all the reincarnated people being in Jom's life. Please show us the woman who owns the house.

Feeling very emotional about all of these mementos being saved for Jom for a century.

Wow, this letter. Incredible historical significance.

Whoa. How is Yai here?

Wait, how are we ending here??

Now why is Jom in the goddamn woods again?

I'm so glad we got a second season confirmation because I would be so annoyed being left in limbo.

Final Verdict: 9, This Show Was Worth The Hype. I have some qualms with some of the pacing of various beats and how effectively the expanded roles of the side cast worked out in the show relative to what was clearly a story focused on a romance, but I think this show took me to places in queer history I hadn't specifically thought about in a way that made me hungry to know more. I really appreciate Nonkul and Bright so much because Tee is at his best with strong performers who work really well together. This show held for its first half, but I find myself frustrated for Jom that we still have no idea how or why any of this is happening to him, and I think it's really sad that he keeps losing his loves. This is one of my favorite productions of the year, and yet I feel like I want some distance from it for a while now that it's over.

#i feel you linger in the air #IFYLITA meta #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

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acourtofthought · 11 months

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BOND versus NO BOND

I had a recent anon bring up a valid concern that I'm sure Anti Elucien's or those on the fence wonder about.

How do we know what Lucien feels for Elain is real or whether it's a product of the bond?

I think SJM does a pretty good job of highlighting when Lucien is experiencing the effects of the bond and when he's in full control of himself.

And I don't think that everything Lucien does is simply because of the bond. That's like someone saying Rhys and Cassian never had a single independent thought on their own about Feyre and Nesta, that each one they had was out of their control because they knew or strongly suspected who their mate was.

BOND:

She slammed Lucien away with a palm to the chest, and his roar shook the halls as Mor grabbed my sisters by the arm and vanished. Lucien’s bellow was still sounding as Rhys lunged

Lucien was shaking his head, panting, and whirled to us. “Get her back,” he snarled at Tamlin over the ranting of the king. A mate—a mate already going wild to defend what was his.

I steeled myself before saying, “She is engaged, Lucien.” I felt every inch of him go stiff beside me. “To whom.” Flat, cold words. With the threat of violence simmering beneath.

Touch her, smell her, taste her— The instincts were a running river. He fisted his hands at his sides.

But even as shame washed through him, the words, the sense chanted, Mine. You are mine, and I am yours. Mate.

Her eyes went frank and cold. “I was to be married in a few days.” He fought against the bristling rage, the irrational urge to find the male who’d claimed her and shred him apart.

But Lucien’s attention went right to the hallway toward the back, his nostrils flaring as he scented Elain’s direction. And who she’d gone with. A low snarl slipped out of him—

“She was deeply in love with him, Lucien.” His russet eye flashed with simmering rage. An uncontrollable instinct—for a mate to eliminate any threat. But he remained sitting. Even as his fingers dug into the arms of his chair.

We know these moments are a result of the bond because SJM includes things like "an uncontrollable instinct", "irrational urge", "threat of violence", "instincts were a running river". Or they're just really out of character for Lucien in general. And many of the times where we have evidence of Lucien being influenced by the bond, we see him actively fighting against it within Elain's presence. He does not seem to want his usual behavior, his preferred actions or words to be overshadowed by those instincts. If the bond was telling him to "touch her, smell her, taste her" yet he remained in his seat and instead asked if she minded if he poured himself tea, I think it's safe to say Lucien still has control over himself and his thoughts.

NO BOND:

(moments where SJM did not include any evidence that the bond is influencing Lucien's behavior)

“Tell me about her—about Elain,” Lucien said quietly.

“Elain loves this lord’s son.”. “My mate is engaged to a human male.” He spoke more to himself than to me. “I’m sorry if—” “I want to see her. Just once. Just—to know.” “To know what?” “If she is worth fighting for.”

But Lucien was standing in the doorway. And from the devastation on his face, I knew he’d heard every word. Seen and heard and felt the hollowness and despair radiating from her.

“What of—Elain?”

I’ll do what I must to protect her from further harm.” “I would never hurt her.” A bleak sort of honesty in his words.

Too thin. She must not be eating at all. How can she even stand? The thoughts flowed through his head, one after another. His heart was a raging, thunderous beat, and he didn’t dare move from his position a mere five feet away. She hadn’t yet turned toward him, but the ravages of her fasting were evident enough.

But there she was. His mate. She was nothing like Jesminda. Jesminda had been all laughter and mischief, too wild and free to be contained by the country life that she’d been born into. She had teased him, taunted him—seduced him so thoroughly that he hadn’t wanted anything but her. She’d seen him not as a High Lord’s seventh son, but as a male. Had loved him without question, without hesitation. She had chosen him. Elain had been … thrown at him. (I mean, if there ever needs to be proof that Lucien is not some mindless beast to the bond, this is it. He's struggling to understand how the female who wanted him without reservation ended up not being his mate while the female engaged to and in love with someone else who did not choose him is his mate. This paragraph shows that he didn't automatically fall in love with Elain because they share a bond and it also shows the bond doesn't automatically tell him everything about her since he doesn't realize that Elain actually does have similarities to Jesminda, they're just not evident at the moment because of her depression. He needs time to fully know her just as anyone else would, especially when he's not actively reaching out to her through the bond.)

“Do you mind if I help myself to the other?” He tried to sound casual—comfortable. Even as his heart raced and raced, so swift he thought he might vomit on the very expensive, very old carpet.

“There’s a plate of biscuits. Would you like one?” He didn’t expect her to answer, and he gave himself all of one more minute before he’d rise from this chair and leave.

He had not seen her entire face since that day in Hybern. Then, it had been drawn and terrified, then utterly blank and numb, her hair plastered to her head, her lips blue with cold and shock. Looking at her now … She was pale, yes. The vacancy still glazing her features. But he couldn’t breathe as she faced him fully. She was the most beautiful female he’d ever seen. Betrayal, queasy and oily, slid through his veins. He’d said the same to Jesminda once. (<- again, I feel if the bond had complete control over him, he wouldn't have felt guilty thinking he was betraying Jesminda, the bond would only let him focus on Elain. I think that's proven when we then have the following line which says "But even as shame washed through him, the words, the sense chanted, Mine. You are mine, and I am yours. Mate." It seems a clear divide when the bond kicks in)

Her eyes were the brown of a fawn’s coat. And he could have sworn something sparked in them as she met his gaze. “Who are you?” He knew without demanding clarification that she was aware of what he was to her.

For a long moment, Elain’s face did not shift, but those eyes seemed to focus a bit more. “Lucien,” she said at last, and he clenched his teacup to keep from shuddering at the sound of his name on her mouth

“You betrayed us.” He wished she’d shoved him out the window behind her. “It—it was a mistake.”

The words were a rasp as he instead said, “I know. I’m sorry.” She did not love him, want him, need him. Another male’s bride. A mortal man’s wife. Or she would have been.

Her thumb brushed the iron ring on her finger. Another male’s ring, another marker that she was claimed—

“She needs fresh air.”

“Take her to the sea. Take her to some garden. But get her out of this house for an hour or two.”

“Let me do something. About Elain. I heard—from my room. Everything that happened just now. It wouldn’t hurt to have a healer look her over. Externally and internally.”

“Do you think the Cauldron made her insane?” “I think she went through something terrible,” Lucien countered carefully. “And it wouldn’t hurt to have your best healer do a thorough examination.”

“Please tell me,” Lucien said when I crossed the threshold into the foyer. “What the healer says. And if—if you need me for anything.”

(I personally do not get the vibe that Lucien's concern for Elain and desire to help is only because of the bond but even if it was.....what exactly is wrong with that? He doesn't seem to be annoyed at trying to help her, he seems more bothered by the others not allowing him to do more. It doesn't seem there's anything else he'd rather be doing or anywhere else he'd rather be. Can something truly be against your will if it's exactly where you want to be? Just because a situation was forced upon you unexpectedly, does that mean it can't end up being the thing you end up wanting the most for the right reasons? Everything he's doing is for her, to help her. Her well being is his priority).

Lucien muttered something about not needing to be monitored, and we all looked at him with raised brows. He just lifted his hands, claimed he wanted to freshen up, and headed down the hall.

Lucien just stared and stared at my sister, as if he’d never seen her before.

“I’ll go.” Lucien was staring at Elain as he spoke. Lucien shifted his focus to Rhys, to me. “I’ll go,” he repeated, rising to his feet. “To find this sixth queen.”

He glanced at Elain, who was again studying her lap. “I’m not needed here. I’ll fight if you need me to, but …” (I don't think Lucien wants to leave but after staring at Elain as if he's seeing her for the first time I think he realizes that what she needs is time and space to deal with everything and I do think that's meaningful. Because he's putting her needs above his own and he's willing to put himself in danger to do so).

Before that dark wind swept in, Lucien looked back. Not to me, I realized—to someone behind me. Pale and thin, Elain stood atop the stairs. Their gazes locked and held.. Lucien inclined his head in a bow, the movement hiding the gleam in his eye—the longing and sadness. And when Lucien turned to signal to Rhys to go … He did not glance back at Elain. Did not see the half step she took toward the stairs—as if she’d speak to him. Stop him. (you know what I love about this? The first time the word longing is ever used in regards to Lucien for Elain is well after their first meeting and after he tried to connect with her through the bond then blushed when thinking on what he felt. A blush after the healer specifically mentioned the bond is a bridge between souls which indicates Lucien was able to feel some aspect of who Elain is. And also after he "stared and stared as if seeing her for the first time". When he arrived in Velaris, I think he instinctively knew what she needed for her mental health (fresh air, getting outside) but didn't really know her. But since then, I think he slowly began learning some of who she is. Not everything because Elain is still dealing with extreme trauma but I do think his sadness at leaving her is not a product of the bond driving his emotions but because he's truly upset. I feel he'd like to continue spending time with her (which means he obviously found her worth fighting for) however he realized what he wants doesn't matter because what she needs is time to heal on her own and figure out what she wants to do about Graysen).

“Are you hurt?” he asked, coming toward us. Spying the blood speckling Elain’s hands. “I’m fine,” Elain said quietly. And then asked, noticing the gore on him, the torn clothes and still-bloody weapons, “Are you—” “Well, I never want to fight in another battle as long as I live, but … yes, I’m in one piece.” A faint smile bloomed on Elain’s lips

“I heard—what happened. I’m sorry for your loss. All of you.”

“He was a good man,” he said. “He loved you all very much.”

He noticed it. “I heard you made the killing blow,” he said.

I nudged Elain, who blinked at me, then blurted, “You could come to Velaris.” He saw all of it, but nodded graciously. “It would be my pleasure.”

Lucien now stood in the sitting room, close to Elain’s side as she and my sister silently kept against the wall by the intact bay of windows.

As far as I knew, he hadn’t come within touching distance since the aftermath of that final battle.

Lucien warmed his hands in the glow of the birch fire, the light casting his face in reds and golds—golds that matched his mechanical eye. “You as well.” A sidelong glance toward Elain, swift and fleeting. “Both of you.”

Lucien slumped into his armchair and blew out a long breath. “How is she?”

“Good. But is she still …” A muscle flickered in his jaw. “Does she still mourn him?”

“But remember that they were engaged. Give her time to accept it.” “To accept a life shackled to me?”

“She wants nothing to do with me.”

“I don’t think she’ll tolerate two minutes alone with me, so forget about two weeks.”

And as for here …” He shook off my grip and headed for the door. “I can’t stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes. I can’t stand to be in this court and have your mate pay for the very clothes on my back.”

"Where’s Elain?” “I am not always in this city to see my mate.”

Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing.

I don't think it can be argued that the bond is what drew Lucien to Elain, the reason he first wanted to get to know her. But from everything I've seen, he remains because of Elain as a person, at least the glimpses of what he's seen so far. Lucien said he wanted to meet her once to know if she was worth fighting for (when he knew she was in love with Graysen and realized he'd be trying to take her away from the one she had chosen). He was initially prepared to let her go despite their bond if he felt it was the right decision after meeting her. Yet nearly two years later he still comes around and still thinks of her in the gifts he brings. He's still looking at her with longing.

Even after all that, some will continue to argue that none of Lucien's feelings are his own but if that's the case, neither were Rhys's. Neither were Cassian's. They were all targets of what were essentially arranged marriages by the Cauldron / Mother but if that were as bad as some try to make it out to be, Cassian and Az wouldn't have been jealous of Rhys’s "arranged marriage". Az wouldn't have become jealous of Rhys and Cassian's "arranged marriages".

Arguing that the mating bond takes away a characters choice is a valid opinion but I don't believe it's an opinion the author who is writing these book shares. And really, her opinion is going to be the only one that matters in the end.

#elucien #pro elucien #lucien vanserra #elain x lucien #lucien and elain #elain and lucien #pro lucien vanserra #mating bond #acotar mates

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