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halfagone · 7 months

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hi, hello, big fan! literally all of your writing is so good and top tier and i love every second of anything of urs i've read. which the most recent thing i read was ur jason and danny big hero 6 story. and i was so excited bc i love big hero 6, and u served like u do every time. that voice recording from mech-Robin took me out into a puddle of my own tears.

that being said i had a potential scene stuck in my head after i read that and i need to make it ur problem so here (i love love sibling angst) :

(kinda playing on ur implied engineer/inventor jason and implied danny's weakness being electricity above a certain threshold):

danny' despite telling dick that he would do a last patrol to say good bye, does not actually do that. he can't. not after- he has jason's face. he calls himself the red hood apparently. murder, mob boss, assassin, call him whatever you want. danny knows jason and that- that's not words people use for jason.

danny knows all abt pple coming back. first hand. that- that was is jason. they fought a few times. danny tried to figure out what was going on. either red hood (bc hes not jason- not yet) is being extremely tight lipped, or he doesn't know wither.

this time had been like every other time this past week danny encountered red hood in jason's turf (it would always be jason's, danny was just taking care of it). they met on a roof top, or rather danny had intercepted him. dick had told him not to go, said red hood was too dangerous, no one knew how far he was capable to go, what he was capable of doing. (danny didn't have the words to tell dick who was under the hood). danny didn't listen.

danny could tell red hood was getting annoyed of him. he was being more and more drastic, trying to get in heavier hits. if danny wasn't already half-way dead, hood would've gotten him there himself by now.

so when hood turned to look at danny, almost expecting- ready for a fight- danny hadn't been surprised. they fought like the always did. hood tried to kill, danny tried to subdue- get through to him. you can't kill whats already dead.

but hood was trying getting as close as anyone had gotten. a weird metal rope rapped itself around danny's foot, and before he had the chance to go intangible and get rid of it, electricity spiked through it.

danny could handle regular electricity, wall circuits, random door nobs, chargers - he was fine.

this- this was not normal electricity.

danny couldn't stop the scream that came out of his mouth as he crumbled to the floor in pain. pain that he'd only ever felt once before- thought he would never feel again. after all you can only die once.

danny did have a way with breaking rules though.

"danny!" he heard dick yell for him.

"danny you're hurt. on a scale from 1-10 how much pain do you feel." robin came out from it's hiding spot danny had told it to stay in. he didn't want jason to make that connection. if he even remembered.

"fucking a thousand." he barley managed before everything went dark.

dick knew he should've tried harder to stop him. should've known the kid would need more than a measly tracker. at least a comm, at least some good tech. not like they were short on funds. dick was suck a goddamn idiot to only realize that when he heard the most thought shattering scream of pain in his life.

"danny!" he screamed, not even thinking of code names.

"nightwing. what happened?" oracle asked in his ear.

he didn't have time to respond, only focusing on getting to danny as fast as he could. he's promised jason- god damit dick- you promised jason that u'd take the kid if smt happened to him. he would screwier dick if he had even known that he let danny go out vigilanting in crime ally of all places. unsupervised at that.

red hood towered over an unconscious but still withering in pain danny, crow bar in hand, ready to make the kill.

dick knew he couldn't get there in time. "danny!" he cried again, not feeling this helpless since his last circus act. oracle said something urgently, then b, but dick couldn't hear over the static in his own head.

red hood heard him that time. the crow bar inches away from danny's skull froze from what would've been a critical hit.

"danny?" he heard red hood's robotic voice echo from under the mask, but he didn't let the implied confusion deter him. he tackled him to the floor.

hood stayed there. watching dick as he untied the metal rope from danny's foot and called be to bring the batmobile and for someone to prep the medbay.

dick felt danny's pulse. it was light, feint, almost gone.

he could work with almost.

"danny." red hood said again, this time more sure of something.

there was something familar about the way he said that, but dick couldn't figure out why. (it sounded like jason) it didn't matter, because he would make sure danny never had to take on red hood again. not on his own.

he made a promise and he would keep it.

---

sorry i didn't think it would be that long, but it was such a bad itch in my brain and i needed to get it out.

OH MY GOSH YOU USED THE LINE

Poor Dick, he's Trying™ so hard but you cannot save/solve everything 😔 But also I'm sure this was intentional but that very similar parallel to the Joker was Concerning. Still oh so angsty though, thank ye for that. This is why I shouldn't be allowed to write for Whumptober, and yes I'm still thinking about writing for Whumptober despite of that lol

But all this was inspired by "On a scale from 1-10?" asfhjdsgh

But you are right that fic was very emotional (it didn't help that I wasn't feeling the greatest at the time so I probably added some extra angst as a result lol) I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! It was very heavy so I know not a lot of people could/would read it, but to know that there are fans out there, that really did enjoy it 🥺 Thank you so much for sharing <3

#halfagone replies #halfagone's fics #i guess?#technically yeah #but also #not my writing #but from a lovely fan #<3

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eddies-tele · 4 months

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Vent: the sequel (maybe 18+? Dunno)

So in my last vent post (below), you guys gave me good advice, and I ask for some again.

Am I the asshole for wanting to break up with my boyfriend?

So, we got together in January of this year (2023), and our relationship was / is pretty good. Well, shortly after we got together, he came down with the virus (yk which one) and it took a lot out of him. Like, a lot. He'd sleep frequently because he was so drained from it. He eventually recovered and fought it off, hasn't had it since.

Flash forward to now, almost a year later. Yesterday I'd texted him a couple times and he didn't respond. This I'm used to, because he usually doesn't get up until early afternoon. Well it soon was 7 o clock in the evening, and he hadn't said anything. So like any girlfriend does, I panic and texted his mom to make sure he was ok.

She said he'd been asleep since she'd gotten home and such, and that he'd taken sleeping pills to sleep. He finally texted me for the first time yesterday at 7:30 - ish. The thing is, I get that sleep is extremely important. But when he's been asleep for the majority of the day, it frustrates me.

Now I know people have other priorities in life, and I'm ok if I'm not always his number one. But, today, when I was scrolling good ol' Pinterest, I came across a screenshot of a post on here talking about normal relationships, and what they basically aren't.

One of the points they made was that it's not really normal for your partner to state that ur hobbies / interests are a waste of time or basically inferior. Everyone on here knows that I love, love, love bands. Most of those bands being Weezer, Green Day, Nirvana, and... Foo Fighters. I'm autistic, so naturally, I will talk about my hyperfixations and special interests a lot, which in this case is mostly foo fighters.

I really love music in general too, and that includes playing bass. Well, the one time over dinner a couple weeks ago, he confessed that at one point he didn't even want to remotely listen to the foos / Nirvana because I talked about them too often. And that kinda hurt, honestly. Another time, he was basically like "Would you stop talking about them??"

He doesn't seem to really acknowledge the fact that, yes, I love these things, and no, I don't know how to socialize about anything else. Ironically, I said at the exact same dinner that it's often hard for me to socialize / make connections because there was a point in my life --- when I was 14 years old --- where I was basically a fucking hermit. Didn't want to leave the house to eat, shop, or anything. I recall that as the darkest period of my 20 years on this earth, and I'm still recovering from it today, years later.

And he just laughed and said something along the lines of "Yeah no wonder you talk about the same stuff over and over again." And that hurt, too. He's also autistic and doesn't really have a filter, either, so he just straight up says things with little to no regard of the effect it may have on people.

He sends me stuff from Twitter that is sometimes funny and oftentimes...not so much. Like homophobic / misogynistic jokes or things of that like. I've told him in the past that I don't find those funny, and they honestly make me uncomfortable, and he just brushed it off.

Back to the sleeping issue, his mom and I are of course very concerned for him. But he just brushes it off like it's no big deal. But it is. To me, at least. Because sometimes, when he sleeps that long or has no real emotional response to things, I feel like I'm literally dating a rock. And there's also times where I feel it's just my body he likes.

He's said in the past when we had that rough patch in our relationship that he likes me as a person and not just for my body, but with each passing day, that's just not true to me. Don't get me wrong, he's a great dude with a big heart, but I honestly don't think we're cut out for each other romantically.

Granted, I was the one who started the whole flirting shit (around this time last year), and I was the one who asked if we're dating or not. I love him, and I really don't want to give him up, but a large chunk of me is telling me to. I know some autistics struggle to display certain emotions over others, including he himself, but it's getting hard for me.

Am I the asshole for wanting to break up with him?

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actualbird · 3 years

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Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.

#tears of themis #vyn richter #marius von hagen #tears of themis rosa #artem wing

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mokutone · 3 years

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yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)

thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!

maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.

I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all!

I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.

AHH and on names...

I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō

Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,

Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be.

(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:

Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)

Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into!

But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.

Physical Transition Stuff

i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!

If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor)

This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO

The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone

but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.

He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.

Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.

Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.

TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:

u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.

#lesbians4tenten #Tenzō #yamato #headcanons #kakashi says that so heavily bc both of them hate going to the hospital but blood tests are necessary for HRT usually #also kakashi is definitely trans as well. i have less headcanons about that bc i see him as like. Even More Private than yamato #(he hides 3/4 of his face. trans icon. also personal privacy icon.)#so like skdjghdskjhg him getting involved is not a moment of Concerned Cis Meddling but like. 'ghghhg this is bad. i gotta step in'#i hc that like he was one of those kids that by the time he was four he was like hey dad im a boy and sakumo was like. fuck ok!#i guess i got a son now!#yamato just did not think about it much #also while i see him having long hair as inherently him repressing his identity it has nothing to do with long hair being 'feminine'#esp bc most of the older men in naruto have long hair. sakumo j*raiya orochimaru madara the whole hyūga clan of men #but instead much more to do with. him repressing being tenzō in order to be kinoe for danzō #and if hashirama had long hair. and all he is is a weapon for hashiramas power to be used through. he too will have long hair.#its also why i wont draw yamato with long hair. while he is handsome with long hair...and an argument COULD be made for him reclaiming it #i feel like aesthetically it represents a return to a relationship he had with his body and with the idea of hashirama #that i am not interested in exploring #perhaps in sage mode it goes very long. and then he has a friend cut it off for him every time #that i could draw #ANYWAY I think everyone should have as many names as they want. you want to be called something? that's your name now congratulations #trans? cis? not sure? doesn't matter the world is your oyster and you can be called anything you want #if people dont respect that theyre jealous and being rude af lmao #image desc in alt text #for all thats worth

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years

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pls scream about Leo a lil bit cause my love for that man is neverending and i live for you guys' blog,,, and ur comte love fuels me??? head empty except for those two pureblood clowns

HNGNGNG I hope that both you and everyone that reads my shenanigans knows how utterly understood I feel when I see anyone stan Comte, if not both of those idiot purebloods bc good lord...I live for two tired fossil men that just want DOMESTIC BLISS. Literally they have no brain cells beyond respect women and we love that for us, it’s spectacular!!

Under a cut bc I went off and is long:

That being said I’d be happy to yell abt Leo!! Where do I even begin, this man was the reason I got into Ikevamp in the first place, and I’ve read just about every single one of his events at this point. He just makes me so TENDER!!!!!! For whatever reason the first thing that came to mind was this one time he lies about being jealous and MC is lolol u a fool if you think I can’t tell when you lie to me. And he’s so fuckiNG SHOOK?????? It’s even funnier because she’s internally like [I’m not 100% sure but for a second there he almost looked mad...time to test this theory even if it’s just A GAME T H E O R Y] And he’s so fucking pikachu meme that shit sends me. I can’t handle the fact that he’s so used to people just assuming he’s fine, that he can handle himself. That he’s lived for so long without really anyone noticing at all. (Comte absolutely notices and will lightly roast him, but doesn’t really push him about it or wants to overstep). And so when MC just actively pays attention and is so gentle with him he’s just floored???

God I’m crying now, but I will just never forget the funeral scene in his fucking rt. This asshole, this absolute moron, straight up tries to come at us with “yOu GeT uSeD tO iT aFtEr HaLf A mIlLeNiUm, i’M nOt SaD”. Like are you serious. Come here and let me hold you before I throttle you. Absolute clown. He’s just always trying so hard to get by on his own and it breaks my heart. How long...how long has he lived just getting by, nursing his own wounds and dragging himself up all by himself. HE LEFT HOME AT LIKE 14 (whatever the fuCK SOME TOO YOUNG AGE) AND RAN STRAIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF PEOPLE THAT HATED HIM FOR HIS TALENT. HE REMEMBERS HIS MENTORS DESTROYING HIS UTENSILS WHILE TRYING TO ESCAPE PARENTS THAT WHOLEHEARTEDLY REJECTED ANY EXPRESSION OF LOVE OR COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY THAT HE CHERISHED SO DEEPLY. I DON’T NEED SLEEP I NEED TO HUG HIM IMMEDIATELY FUCKING HELL.

Like.........there’s just........I don’t know how to explain it, but I once saw it explained so well in a post. It was basically talking about Castlevania, and how in that show Dracula sees humanity’s folly and develops so much hatred he just goes straight to murder rage. And while in some ways I understand that, I understand even more deeply Trevor’s response to humanity’s fear and violence. He says that he knows they’re short-sighted, that maybe we all just don’t deserve saving...but that he’s going to do it anyway. Leonardo just so much gives me that energy of knowing there’s so much pain in the world, but all we can do is keep walking--keep trying, even if we have to claw our way forward. Because if you only see the awfulness in front of you, you forget the way that strangers make silly faces at babies to make them laugh on the train, how a friend will put everything down to race over to someone and comfort them with some ice cream--do anything they can to distract them from the hurt. How the sight of a child crying will prompt careful cooing from a stranger as to their bravery, an offering of cool water, the gentle placement of a bandaid. How a pair of teenagers will spot a lost child in milliseconds and help them seek out their parents protectively. There is so much wretchedness, but also so much beauty in it all, and the older I get the more I see myself wanting to believe in the latter. I want to be hopeful, and easily impressed, and full of love. To be bitter and jaded accomplishes nothing, and only becomes a worsening self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you seek negativity, the more you will find it; and worse, create it.

I also scream a little bit bc like. I’ve gone on and on about how Comte is very obviously in love with MC all the time, and sure that may be true. But...I really don’t think Leo is exempt from that either if I’m honest lmfao. Only because what does Leonardo do when it isn’t his route? He almost never shows up. Once in a while he might appear for a split second in a scene, but he almost never converses with MC beyond those short moments. While Comte is the one to pine openly, I’d wager Leo is the opposite. He pines in absolute silence, because he knows that if he gets any closer--he’s going to fall. He’s going to enjoy it too much, going to keep seeking out more before he can stop himself. And losing another person he loves...he just can’t do it anymore. In his first meeting story he talks about seeing MC’s eyes and feeling like he’d known them all his life, and even in his MS he speaks to just being completely fascinated by and enamored of her. She doesn’t hesitate, always does her best, meets people head-on and without much hesitation. After a lifetime of people that are probably just immediately interested in him for his talents, or always seeking out his company for the novelty, this is someone that doesn’t give a single fuck if he’s Leonardo da Vinci. Sure she’s aware, and sure she’s impressed to some extent, but her respect--her attraction and admiration--is something that has to be earned.

There’s something so refreshing about how their love was written. Sure it’s the whole fake marriage to a real relationship, but it’s also a kind of subtle enemies to lovers pulled off masterfully. MC is 100% minding her own business, just wants to do what she must in order to get home, tries to focus on her work to keep from thinking about how much she misses her old life. She doesn’t rely on anyone, doesn’t talk about how hard it is or how scary it is or how confusing. And even Leonardo forgets in his curiosity, is just chillin and also just trying to do the bare minimum to keep from getting too attached--figures he can admire her from a distance. And then he sees her staring at the hourglass. And suddenly, he can’t just watch her do that herself. Just wait for the hard times to pass, just sit with her own loneliness--that hollowing silence. There’s something so moving about it because he reaches out precisely because he knows that feeling to his fucking marrow, and literally just cannot watch somebody else do that to themselves. Sure he’s been dealing with it for three hundred years, BUT THIS GOOD BABIE CHILD DOES NOT DESERVE THIS. SHE WORKS HARD AND DESERVES NICE THINGS!!!!!!!! And so he drives her crazy as he races ahead of her, intercepting any attempt for her to preserve that silence and hide. She doesn’t see any pattern to it, and that’s just how he likes it--he doesn’t want her to worry about the how or why.

Like I fully remembering playing in Japanese and being like oh my fucking god this is hilarious, this man is just a wild fucker and I love this. I was enjoying myself, mostly laughing and shaking my head. But then it just gets so, so serious. I was having so much fun that I, like a fool, forgot the anime effect. If you’re having fun, it’s going to come crashing down without mercy soon enough. And it does. He helps a little girl without any hope play her violin again, and maybe I’m just too English major but I was fucking FLOORED when I realized I didn’t see that that was straight foreshadowing. That little girl without hope? That was MC (and by extension depending on how you play, us). Though the metaphor isn’t quite so easily mapped without a physical space, the connection is clear when you think about it. With his careful social awareness, he makes a place for MC to exist in the mansion so naturally--as though she was meant to be there from the start, crafts a positive impression of her presence with each of the residents. And he does it with zero expectation of anything in return; he’s just happy to see her not stressing herself out anymore or trying to do everything alone. MC doesn’t fall in love with him despite their differences, she falls in love with him because they are the same in a singular and all-encompassing way that matters; they both care about other people so deeply, to the point where they will forego any personal needs in order to make that person’s life easier. Whether it be muting their own hardship, or working to involve another person in a new space (or opening up to the point of self-destruction to keep a person from feeling alone), they go above and beyond what anybody asks of them--perhaps strong to the point of their own detriment, in some cases.

It’s why I always laugh when he says to Sebastian “That cara mia, she has a good heart.” Of course she does, Leonardo; it certainly takes one to know one.

And because I literally have no brain cells beyond being in fucking love with Leonardo THE LAKE SCENE IS AN AFFRONT TO MY DIGNITY AND SELF-CONTROL. HOW DARE YOU, SIGNORE. HOW DARE YOU ASK ME TO SIT THERE AND WATCH YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO ME AND NOT BAWL MY EYES OUT AND TRY TO KISS YOU ALL AT THE SAME TIME. SIGNORE “hAhA yOu’Re So SmAlL yOu LoOk LiKe YoU’rE DrOwNiNg In My CoAt.” I WOULD DROWN AND DIE HAPPY--BITCH I TELL YOU THAT.

Like. I can’t think of another route I’ve ever done where I spent a good amount of time like “lmfao this guy is so wild im gonna punch him” to just be in a whirlpool of my own tears, regretting my entire fucking LIFE days later. Like Leonardo’s cultural impact???? Fucking immeasurable, I wish every white man disaster I ever met had a hidden heart of gold in all of his boyish dumbassery, an ICONIC himbo of our time.

Also because I remembered it before posting and I am Dying^TM. The event where MC was a pureblood and he was human. That entire fucking event. I literally can’t think about it without screaming and crying. Her just so flustered at his reaction to her like “oh look, free real estate” as he plops her in his lap, absolutely no fear, treating her like a princess because of her noble title despite NO NECESSITY BEYOND PLAYFULNESS BUT ALSO STILL MEANING IT IN AN EARNEST WAY, being charming to no END just to see her laugh or look away shyly.

WHEN HE SAID. WHEN HE SAID “...Can’t leave you alone, or you might go off someplace I can’t follow.” I. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU STRIPPED DEVOTION DOWN TO ITS BARE ESSENTIALS!!!!!! GAH HOW MC HERSELF SAYS “I would tell him the truth but...he’s much too generous for a human. I know he would offer his life without a moment’s hesitation.” How Leo describes the aftermath of her biting him: “Lucky for you, I’m a true gentleman, Unlike my principessa, who took me like a storm” HELLO??????? H E L L O ???????????????????????? ARE WE JUST GOING TO SLEEP ON THE FACT THAT HE LOST HIS ENTIRE SOUL WHEN SHE BIT HIM???? I--

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

(Also as much as I love him the cigarillos have got to go at some point, boy do you have any idea the shit secondhand smoke does good lordt)

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp comte #can you feel me going through 800 different emotions in the course of writing this #fucking hell #he absolutely kills me i love him so much #would do ANYTHING for him #if you listen v closely you can hear the soft sound of me grabbing tissues #god i was just rewatching some of his events and i just #THE SHEER WARMTH OF HIS PRESENCE HOW IT WASHES OVER YOU WHILE READING #IM SHAKING AND CRYING I LOVE HIM SO MUCH #SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like leo is just one of those routes where its like 'my life was before and after this moment'#otome is honestly destroying my standards OTL #he just makes me feel So Much my coherence disappears #brain cells???? don't know her only Leo tiddy #in conclusion: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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goatbi · 4 years

Note

Babe i demand more gordon bubby momence in the mer au actually . when ur not busy KFJDKDJ (have i sent one like this already. I feel like i might have i just think it's fun 2 see these two get close :])

“God fucking dammit.” Bubby muttered, the light from his lure suddenly going dark as he covered in, crossing his arms and pouting. So, maybe, he wasn’t the best at hunting fish. It had really only been a few weeks since he made the shift, and he had just gotten used to the swimming part of it, much to Benrey’s enjoyment.

Humans swam with their arms, okay? So Bubby had to get used to being able to only use his tail-which was an adjustment all on it’s own-to move through the water. At first, it put him squarely in the same category of movement as Forzen, who really... didn’t. It took nearly a week, at least after the pain of the shift from human to mer wore off, for him to be able to move up a bit, more of just a weak swimmer, rather than nearly unable at all.

And that stung his pride a bit. Bubby was willing to admit to that, at least to himself. So, of course, he made a stupid decision, which led to him having decided the next thing he was gonna eat, he was going to get himself.

That was yesterday.

To say there was a learning curve here would be an understatement. Bubby first had spent time trying to figure out how his light worked, how to cover it when he didn’t need it, and, once he had figured that out, he figured the rest would come easy enough, like all the random instinctual things that did come with the shift. None of which he expected to be things, like the fins on his arms and back flaring or flattening with emotions, and god, wasn’t that just a bitch? That people could see when he was upset?

Sure it helped in the long run, but Bubby was still stuck in the mindset of ‘hide your emotions, no one actually cares’ so it was a bit embarrassing at the very least.

As was this. This inability to do something that every single one of the group, even Forzen, had made look so simple. To be fair to him, Forzen ate microorganisms, so it wasn’t like he was having trouble. Everyone else? Made it look so easy. They all had their things though, their own tactics, and, as much as Bubby wished he could figure this out easier, it just... wasn’t working.

He wasn’t fast enough, or the fish he was trying to nab were too fast, or-

“Bubby?” He flipped around in the water, getting him off kilter for a moment, fins flared, teeth bared for a split second in surprise, before relaxing again just as quickly when he was it was Gordon. He glanced towards Gordon’s tail for Joshua, as he usually would, but didn’t see the blob fish around, and thus kept his light covered. Joshua loved the damn thing, which was fine, if only that helped him hunt at all.

It took him a second to realize that Gordon had continued that statement, that the words had not ended with just his name, and Bubby blinked at him, trying to pretend that, no, his own inadequacy with the life he chose wasn’t bothering him. They had had this conversation before, after all, and really, it was only a matter of time before they got annoyed with him. “What was that?”

“Coomer said that he hadn’t seen you eat today.” Gordon was holding something, and Bubby, despite being hungry, felt that overshadowed with despair. Of course they noticed. Of course they didn’t think he could handle himself. Whatever hunger he might have felt disappeared in that moment, just leaving him feeling nauseous.

“Not hungry.” Which, now, was the truth. He turned away from Gordon, trying to keep the presence of mind to keep his fins tucked up against himself, but even then, Gordon seemed to know. Not to mention that he was faster than Bubby, probably always would be, even when Bubby managed to get stronger. So, despite the obvious dismissal and escape attempt, Gordon followed, but didn’t cut him off, instead keeping time with him as Bubby moved to go back to his den, shared with Harold, of course, but at least it held some level of privacy.

“I’m pretty sure that’s a lie, Bubby.” A quick glance towards his arms showed he had failed his mission of keeping them unmoving, and Bubby huffed a sigh, flicking his tail a little harder than before, propelling himself a bit further than Gordon. There was a hint there, to just drop the conversation, but Gordon either didn’t notice it, or purposefully ignored it. Probably the second one, if Bubby understood anything about Gordon at this point. Bastard didn’t drop anything.

Harold said it connected to Gordon seeing himself as the leader of the school, protector if nothing else. Bubby saw it as annoying during these times, when he just wanted to be left alone to brood over his own failures. He didn’t answer Gordon, of course. It wasn’t needed. Gordon knew he was lying, and any other attempts would only make it more obvious to him. Bubby couldn’t lie well to this group, despite his years of lying to Black Mesa.

Somehow they just... saw right through him.

Bubby liked to think that had something to do with Black Mesa, that they couldn’t see the obvious right in front of them.

Still. Would have been helpful if he could lie to them at all.

“Come on, Bubby, you need to eat. You can’t just waste away.” With that, Bubby huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. It was a bit unstable, as he hadn’t gotten used to moving them in motion and not titling one way or the other-which apparently was something he needed to work on. Which was stupid-so he did tilt just a bit. He managed to right himself, however, still keeping his arms over his chest.

“And I will. I’m not just gonna starve myself, it’s a painful way to die.” Gordon didn’t comment on how Bubby knew that.

“Then eat.” Gordon held out a fish, and Bubby just got angry. It was stupid, Gordon was just trying to help him, and yet, Bubby couldn’t help but feel like... they were babying him. And while, yes, he couldn’t take good care of himself at the moment, proven by his failed hunting attempt that Gordon had stumbled upon, it still stung. He was an adult. He should be able to do this.

“Fuck off, Gordon.” He snarled, rather than voice any of that. He couldn’t get away from Gordon, Bubby knew that far too well, but still could out maneuver him, if just barely, and thus, ducked up Gordon’s tail, and, when Gordon turned to follow, flipped above him, and continued on, fast as he could, for as long as he could.

Which was long. His tail already hurt. Still, he was able to have a few moments of peace before Gordon managed to untangle himself and follow. “Bubby!”

“I said fuck off!” And Bubby was yanked to a stop, pulled back to Gordon by his tail. He snarled at him, flicking it out of Gordon’s grasp, which meant he must have dropped the fish to do so. So Gordon was more worried about his anger than food. Good. If Bubby could just get back to the den, it would be fine. Gordon couldn’t keep bothering him if he was hidden in there.

Harold could. But that was a risk Bubby was willing to take.

“What is your issue dude?” Bubby refused to answer, eyes darting around as he tried to figure a way to dodge around Gordon this time. Gordon must have seen it, known what was coming, as he grabbed one of Bubby’s elbows, keeping him there. Bubby bared his teeth at him, but Gordon just did it back, and Bubby, on pure instinct, shrunk back, eyes darting away from him.

Gordon didn’t like being seen as scary. There were very few exceptions to this rule, and even fewer when he made himself scary to them. The only conclusion that Bubby could draw was that he had pissed off Gordon, and sure, that was going to happen, but must have seriously pissed him off. It wasn’t his goal. God, he just fucked this all up didn’t he?”

“Bubby.” He kept his eyes pointed away, frowning. Gordon sighed softly. “Listen. I get it, you’re struggling, but you have to let us help you-”

“It’s not fucking helping.” Bubby tugged at his arm, but didn’t yank it away, Gordon’s claws a bit too dangerous for him to do that. “You’re babying me, that’s what you’re fucking doing. I get that I’m, I’m new? To all of this? But that doesn’t mean that I’m not a fully grown man. I don’t like having to sit there and watch everyone else be able to take care of themselves, and instead of helping me, or, or teaching me, you just act like I’ll never be able to do it.” Gordon’s hand slipped off of Bubby’s arm in shock, and he flipped in the water, making one last dive towards the den.

This time, Gordon didn’t stop him.

-------------------------------------------------

Bubby didn’t try again the next day. He let Harold bring him food, ate it despite the fact that he felt sick, and smiled, as Harold beamed. He didn’t leave the den, however. He just... wasn’t feeling up to it. Bubby knew that it would worry them more, but Harold could report he was fine.

At least, when Harold peeked in to see him, he acted fine.

Harold was sleeping, when Bubby wiggled free from his grasp, and swam out. He knew, from their schedule, they would be asleep, giving him ample time to try again. After all, there was still no progress to people teaching him anything. He had to figure it out himself.

Behind him, as he struggled his way through the dark waters, a dark shadow followed him through the water.

Bubby settled in a spot, closing his eyes, the light flicking on. He had kept it covered for the past day, and it was half a relief to free it again, letting it shine through the dark water, but not enough. He had learned before his face was just out of the light, that it was long enough that they couldn’t see him in the light.

And he waited.

Despite what it seemed, Bubby was very good at being patient. He had spent a good long while sitting in his tube silently, watching and waiting for scientists to surround him, poke at him and hurt him. He was very good at sitting in silence, waiting and watching. This hunting style fit him rather well, waiting for fish to come into the light, around him.

It was a near unnatural stillness for a living creature, but Bubby was a statue, and, if anyone looked at him, his breathing was the only thing that signified his living status.

The only problem with that, is when he moved, no matter how slowly, whatever gathered around him jerked back, and fled. He growled softly, then shifted slightly, popping his arms and moving back to settle in his position, when a dark shape caught his eye. Fins flared for a moment, before they went flat, and he bared his teeth at Gordon. “What.”

“You’re giving them a chance to get away. You need to be fast about it. If you move, they’ll flee.” Bubby stared at him quietly, before sighing, shaking his head a bit, light jerking around, and Gordon shifted back, flipping through the water away from Bubby, until he was once again just a dark shadow in the corner of Bubby’s vision, and he went still once more, quiet.

As soon as there was another fish slipping through to his light, Bubby snatched at it, managing to get a hand around it, claws sinking underneath it’s scales, and it twitched in his hand in dying throes as Bubby stared at it in shock.

He... hadn’t expected that to work. Not completely. He blinked a few times, then looked towards the dark shadow that was Gordon, and his light was covered again, letting his eyes readjust to the dark, and saw Gordon grinning.

It wasn’t... the best. Bubby was already used to eating raw food, another thing no one asked about, so when he did eat it, he didn’t shudder at the feeling of it like they had expected the first time when he ate raw fish. Again. Not the best, but even then. He had done it himself this time.

Gordon led him back. Bubby was quiet the entire time, as he followed, frowning to himself. Gordon knew he came out of the den to do this, to try, and Bubby sighed lowly, shaking his head. They stopped outside the den, and, when Bubby went to duck in, Gordon stopped him.

“When I first lost my arm, I had to relearn how to hunt. I don’t know why I didn’t realize what this was. They did the same thing to me, rather than teach me, and I did the same thing you did, run off to try and learn myself. It doesn’t help that I didn’t realize, but... if you need help, I’m here.”

Bubby sighed softly, then, before talking himself out of it, ducked into Gordon’s chest, hugging him carefully, before ducking away from him and ducking into the den quietly, curling up against Harold’s side. There was a moment, where Gordon’s shadow stayed floating outside, before he turned, disappearing into the water.

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #hlvrai mermaid au #bubby #gordon freeman hlvrai #Feelings In Various Ways

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themanicgalaxy · 3 years

Text

SPN 4X19 Jump the Shark

Oh hey is this the illegitimate brother plotline

boy I love me some sweet sweet ANGST

whelp she's fucking dead

picture of JOHN?

Sam's peacefully brushing his teeth and Dean's Not a Morning Person

boy he's having a bad morning

to be fair, living out of the car is kinda not fun either

"I'm his son" Dean: I'm gonna fUCKING KIL-

he's..premed?

they're going to ruin his life too aren't they, Aren't The-

Dean is taking this really well

I mean he did get the brunt of John's Issues, so I get it, yike

ASDFPIHP them discussing their dad's ~sex life~ is very funny though

Dean was...preteen? when this kid was born? Sam was under ten definitely

Dean Please

No that's your Actual Brother guys PLEASE

hunting accident "ah fair enough"

"who is a nuclear family these days" FEELS SO LOADED

Dean...Dean please don't fUCKING KILL HIM DEAN

THE IMPALA NOOO

"he took you to a baseball game" IDSFHAPF

He's Trying not to CRY OH MY GOD NO WAIT

Sam resonates with the away from college thing oh NO

Dean is trying SO HARD not to snap

at least he's...trying..to keep adam out

corpse snatching => HEY LOOK IT's THE BONE STEALING WIT-

I think I need to stop being online jesus christ

the [both sigh] was so good

well...that's a lot of blood

How the hell do you break it to your illegitimate brother that you're ~technically Wanted by the FBI

at least he's not an idiot

HE'S SO MUCH YOUNGER THAN THEY ARE

I mean obligatory dead mom

"do i get a say in this?" "NO!"

no..no SAM DEAN HAS A POINT

Middle sibling + younger sibling gang up on elder

"have u thought about eternity" "bro i've literally been to hell Idk what to tell u"

Dean doing it solo but Sad is...:(

Oh he worked the old case, that's neat

"so it's over for you" welllllll

OO THE TRUCK SHOT WAS COOL

dean + long dark coat truthing tonight HE LOOKS G O O D

it wants revenge

YOU FUCKERS AND YOUR REVENGE BELA WAS R I G H T

and Adam Instantly wants revenge, you sir are definitely a Winchester

"it's life" WELL IT SHOULDn'T BE

the stupid isolationism I hate it

NO GO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE KRIPKE WHY

Sam's becoming his dad, and Dean isn't

...SAM WHAT THE FUCK

DAD MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT DO RIGHT BY YOU

HIS GODDAMN GRIEF SPIRAL GOT BOTH OF YOU

LET HIM BE NORMAL! HAPPY! IT IS TOO LATE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW(NOT ALWAYS)(Also very close to the thing with zachariah in placement(eye emojis) BUT LEAVE HIM ALONE!

I do appreciate Dean Eldest Sibling'ed it up even if he didn't like the kid/was jealous. Goddammit I wish we got connection in this stupid show

I was expecting a jump scare but somehow the squish is worse

sOn oF aBitcH

Ah FUCK NOT ADAM TOO

I do like the little angel Icon though, that's what's Dean's way out

Ghouls is a racist term?what????

no john winchester was 100% a monster

ah it was their father

yada yada father killing circle idk

YAY! DEAN'S INGENUITY IS BACK!

Ghoul!mom is really really good. I liked Scared Adam better though

the slicing sam scene is BRUTAL jesus christ

So...John got his own son killed in the end...

SERIOUSLY HE WAS TERRIBLE

Dean JESUS CHRIST

awww caring Dean is nice

AWW HUNTER'S FUNERAL

"Adam's in a better place" :(

Dean tried to fit himself into the Dad box, Sam's actually him

"you take it any way you want" oh for FUC- HE- I-

he looked so Sad, so like...he's stopped idolizing him

jesus christ.

boy there's gonna be overlap ok here we go.

1. poor dean. Ok couple things: 1) he elder sibling'ed it SO HARd! he didn't even like Adam, but he still tried to keep him safe(I think). he gave him a hunter's funeral! I just. It was nice to see. It was also INCREDIBLY painful to hear the realization of "you were always like dad, I never could be" and the fact that he didn't even see it as a good thing anymore? fUCK man, that huRT me. Dean tried so hard to be something he wasn't, he got probably the brunt of the abuse(because he didn't measure up to that metric like Sam always would), and in the end all it got him was...just. so much pain. Like it felt like John left his Broken children behind to get a new one, and just turned them into his quest for revenge. It was SO So fucked

Hey actually speaking of

2. AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE BEING A HUNTER/JOHN? WHAT HTE FUCK?

YALL ALREADY MARTYRED HIM BUT UR MAKING HIM WORSE?

LIKE ok listen. John's kinda set up as the ideal of hunting. They martyred him! And I was halfway sold provided they didn't mention him again. Then! he did this thing where he abandoned his kids, seeing them only as tools to fulfill his quest for revenge, literally broke them(that too late thing+zachariah saying "it's in your blood" when really it was just trained from a young age), got a NEW family he treated a lot better. I just. I have...NO idea how I'm supposed to see him as a good guy here. Maybe I just kin Dean, or his plight is WAY more sympathetic(it is, Sam is kinda pissing me off), but John's just...coming off worse and worse and they KEEP doing it!

Also! this whole cycle of revenge thing! about how if you keep taking an eye for an eye, everyone ends up blind! they barely escaped this time, and I think this was the second revenge plot that I can think of with MONSTERS alone! it was a BIG theme! Like!! hunting sucks! revenge makes you end up in worse places! it's like this one episode was made to show how SHIT hunting was!

wait who wrote this

Dabb+lofflin. The hunting sucks always comes from-

this GODDAMN INCONSISTE-

3. Fuck John Winchester

4. Individualism. Ok this is a big one. Alongside the whole revenge plot thing(which is BIG, and a hunting sucks), this one drove home the sheer individuality of hunting. But while some of the writers see that as Badass, this one made it seem lonely, and painful. Like the flip side to American Individualism is American Chronic Loneliness. I know this one was used to process the ennui of the post recession/post 9/11 time, and it's doing very well for that, but it kinda ends up like this show is EVERYONE'S therapy all at once! the gang's all here! and we're gonna traumatize you in the process as well.

EDIT: and yeah yeah yada yada american individualism is King and then so is it’s accompanying loneliness in the post 9/11 post war in iraq post recession world(we were not having fun in 08/09)

and I get that this show is the writer’s therapy and whatever

(I just thing this is phrased better)

5. bring him back. Connect! Look. I know it breaks the core ethos of this episode. But having Weird Esoteric Hunter siblings would have been SO FUNNY!

give me more sibling content! Sam+Adam teaming up against the Eldest Sibling Dean WAS SO FUNNY! I WANT MORE OF THAT

6. SAM WHAT THE FU-. Look. I hate John. I very much hate John. They set up the Sam/Dean dichotomy in regards to John first episode, and Sam acting more like an ass+like his dad is. Not making me like him. Also I feel like this was written to sympathize with Dean. Which makes the finale even more ironic, I feel.

7. Listen. Listen. One of you has to keep track of continuity. Like I know this becomes a WAY bigger problem later in the series, but if a certain writer wants to process/examine a certain part of the Life/Story(and they should, they set up a lot of interesting stuff), they have to keep track! Because then the show becomes everything all at once.

Like this show has ALREADY started feeling like fanfic of itself, where it just kinda does whatever it wants with its own concepts. And the concepts are GREAT! but you can TELL how inconsistent it is, even in the kripke era

like it ends up being Study of X, Riff on X! and I think that's where the inconsistency comes from. It's also why it's so fucking Excellent in places.

whelp this was a lot holy hell.

OH AND ONE MORE THING!

Bela didn't fit the narrative. That's why they didn't like her. I said at the beginning that an Int'l art thief does NOT fit the vibe of "grungy Angsty American Midwestern gothic" and I was right. With the lucifer story and the vibe she didn't fit, and so they just killed her as foreshadowing, and only used her like that. God I wish they'd riffed on her, especially because her callouts were all completely correct

we're Bela Salting again

listen she was preppy Jack Sparrow with some spiritualism, how dare you tell me not to like her.

#pawswatchesspn #4x19 jump the shark #this one was a lot of...#I mean I can't say fun #but it was interesting #...I accidentally fucking quoted Gandhi #this show truly is everyone's therapy and I mean that in the worst possible way #this is unrelated to the gandhi thing these are two separate thoughts #And Bedlund wrote on the head of a pin #which was cool #but HE WROTE MONSTER MOVIE! MY PROBABLY FAVORITE EPISODE!#and the fun wishing well one #ok listen if spn was the reason meta shit got popular #or it helped #most of that was cuz of bedlund #....bow down to bedlund for singehandedly popularizing my aesthetic holy hell

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aux0rde · 3 years

Text

love love lvoe loveee ekekeek imma simpppppppppppp </3

i feel so horrible all the time and im mentally not in a good place and everything is just so boring and i feel like i fucked up everything over and over and it hurts.. it feels like nobody cares even if they do its not the people i want. i like someone but theyre not someone i can be with as they go to a different school and will be a senior next year they probably think im this dumb little kid. idk why i like them either. i think its because i feel like im romantisizing the fact that hes not mentally in a good place like me and i feel like i want to show him how he happy he can be but idk. it could be so perfect. nobody else likes him except me but i feel loyal to him as i do to everyone i like. i feel like this might be more real than my other “crush” but i barely know him as a person i just want to protect him and make him feel loved. maybe i just feel bad for him? but i wouldnt mind dating him idk. idec if hes too ill to make me happy i think making him happy is all i need and when he looks at me i sort of like breath heavy his eyes are so pretty and ahh his smile... my cheeks heat up thinking about it... its so embarassing because im getting butterflies thinking about it... nobody else seems to find him attractive so idek but when has anyone ever found the people i think are attractive attractive? idk i love everything about him. his face his eyes his smile what he says and it feels like we have a connection but idk maybe im overreacting and making things up again.. and even when he just taps my shoulder i get a series of emotions... hes probably too depressed to even crush but idk hes just this quiet dude. hes so respectful and its so cute because hes so oblivious to everything. he also seems so emotionless idk why i find this attractive god help me. and oh my god he looks at me in the eyes when im talking and its so nice and i feel like we both notice things.. and AHG idk what he is thinking about even. and the rest of my friends all like the basic “attractive” dude whos funny and outgoing and dorky but i like this quiet sad boy who makes edgy jokes where it seems like hes crying for help but no one seems to notice.. he likes animals too and it makes me so happy i just want to take care of him and tell him hes loved and that i understand... or is this just me wanting to treat someone how i wished they would treat me and idk what it is about him that i find attractive he has so much acne and is like this tall twig, but its all his eyes and smile and hair like oh my god. his eyes are so pretty like when he looks at you its like from under his lashes and theyre a light blue or a grey? and his smile </3 im not romantisizing mental illness i swear because ive liked boys who are the complete opposite of him... i think?? i cant help it im just attracted to people i feel like i can help or just smother?? maybe that makes me a horrible person.. I JUST WANT TO BE THERE FOR SOMEONE BECAUSE NOBODY WILL BE THERE FOR ME. i want to make sure this boy eats enough and gets enough love and sleep and i just want to hear his whole life story like idk why im like this. ive liked him since day one tbh just the way he carries himself he seems like he smells like ice or like something clean and just sharp like a breath of fresh air.. and hes so peaceful like. his touch is so gentle like when he touches me or my face its like hes scared of breaking me.. its just so endearing.. like idk why im simping but when jena and tori and zinniah are all checking out ian im like uh huh and just daydreaming about me and this boy in a field with like flowers and a breeze. idk i feel like hes the FIRST person EVER in all of my series of crushes even the one i would consider my first “love” where i wouldn’t get bored with ever like we could just talk about life and just anything and he makes me feel so comfortable and beautiful on the inside.. like i could be in a igloo freezing to death and id be like happy because hes there with me?? he makes me want to be all simpy and gooey and icky and just WOW literally the first time this has happened... and i liked him even back when he wasnt all that at all.. im so incredibly attracted to him istg. i dream about him sm. he doesnt scare me or intimidate me like alot of men do.. he makes me feel safe and hes like this towering gaurdian angel.. idk but somehow im the protector?? idk if i could relate him to an object it would be a pillow even though hes like really skinny,, i feel wrong when i think about anyone besides him to be honest. or maybe im just attracted him because he seems like he would be capable of so much love. and no i see it the way he looks at other girls is different i dont feel jealous he looks at them how he would look at anyone else so it feels like hes seeing something with his eyes like something beyond. i just know if he loved me too he would never cheat on me.. and hes never hurt me before EVER i have no negative emotions associated with him at all except for missing him and his absense.. and like those few encounters we have just feel so magical. like the first day when we were the only ones in the storage room and i was carrying a box i could like feel his breathing and hear everything and hes just so respectful ahg liek he didnt even do the weird checking out thing that guys do when ur walking in front them he just asked me how my day was and how i felt :,) </3 and it feels like he has his head in the clouds and like this soul.. im in love with his soul.. when he touches my hand or something it feels like electricity but gentle. LIKE IS HE MY SOULMATE?? how was i instantly attracted to him.. and just everything about him is so oooh my... and i feel like he notices the little things that i do that nobody else notices.. like things about my personality? it makes me feel so appreciated... like i feel like his love is beyond material things.. like he says some weird things and might be kind of loony but theyre weird in like a ??? way not like a creepy way... i just want to press foreheads with him not even kiss that seems to obscene. like he is god LIKE HES SO LOONY is he alright?? like he acts like hes on psychedelics 24/7 and i like this??? and he IS different from everyone ive liked before because he feels magical not like someone i get shy around.. or when im just standing and he walks up and stands next to me or sits next to me.. and he never makes me feel dumb.. hes like quiet but it makes me feel so safe and im not used to it.. like i would be okay with just sitting in silence and just being with him in a room idc i feel like we can telepathically communicate.. he makes me think of pretty things nothing grimy. like ice and just air and snowflakes and angels and just like pretty fresh things.. im convinced hes a supernatural being at this point.. he just appears and sometimes i look for him in crowds and i find myself missing his PRESENSE.. like hes so perfect to daydream about.. if he wishes to be mine i feel like all my worries will fade and i will be complete. his smile is so cute.. i just want to see it all the time and i think i would physically gasp or pass away to see him frown or be in pain.. like it would literally physically hurt me idk why i feel so connected to him and while i was writing this i just see angel numbers like 2:22 and its not even obvious i just looked at the right time... i could spend eternity with him.. as long as hes happy ill be good.. i cant stop looking at him theres something androgenous about him too like he could satisfy my need for feminity and masculinity whilst being really masculine... everyone also thinks hes weird and different but i think hes perfect and a beautiful creature,,, he has the embodiment of pisces eyes they are so pretty and AHHBD.. and the night we were all sitting around the fire area and everyone else was closing their eyes and its just me and him looking into each others eyes and i feel so complete and we share a laugh... and the fact that he chose ME he chose me and it makes me so happy.. i think i would die of embarassment if he actually complimented my appearance because his compliments are so meaningful like WOAH this magical creature thinks i LOOK good too?? can we just be two ghosts in love ahahdja just our souls tied together.. he reminds me of smoke like the pretty smoke... nothing like cig smoke maybe like insense? idk like a drug but without the negative consequences..

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carol-thirteen · 5 years

Text

Absorbed

Ok first of all, i love u and ur writing!!! Second, can u please do carol x reader where R has healing power but to do that R have to absorb that person's injury. During battle, one of the avengers got hurt like pretty bad and R save them. R don't want carol or anyone to worry instead R go sitting somewhere away from them. U can decide the ending. Give me ur best angst and im ready to cry lol

thank you so much for this prompt, i really enjoyed writing it. i hope it satisfies your angst needs.

The screams and collapsing buildings were all around you, you wondered how anyone else could focus.

Each of you had been given a task. The majority of the Avengers were assigned to taking down the threat, that included Carol. Yours and Natasha’s only concern was to get the innocent villagers to safety.

You wanted to put your combat skills to the test in the field but agreed that you would be of more use to the people of the planet.

As you bent down, jogging along the previously determined route, with small groups of people, you would occasionally try to get a look of the battlefield. You saw Carol flying up in the air, that ever fluorescent glow upon her, then swooping down into the midst of it all.

A proud smile appeared on your face, but quickly dissipated when you had taken your 8th group to the safety of your ship.

You turned back towards the route, seeing Natasha hobbling along with her group. The more she approached you, the clearer it was to you that she was in pain.

“Go and sit down behind there,” you pointed to the large pile of rubble just at the edge of the dusted paths.

You ushered the group inside where they were taken care of by the medic team. That you had been on strict instruction to stay away from until you had proper control of your powers.

Fury knew what kind of person you were, selfless and forever wanting to help. Needing to in fact. If he knew what was going to happen on this mission, he certainly wouldn’t have sent you on it. He really cherished you as a member of the team, he wanted you to train and be as powerful as possible. He also wanted you safe. For himself and for Carol.

When the medic inside the ship gave you a quick nod, you rushed to where you had told Natasha to wait.

Peering around the corner, arms at the ready, just in case. You sighed as you saw her shaking, blood pooling at her hands.

“Oh Nat, what happened?” you knelt beside her and pressed your hands against the wound on her stomach, which earned a heart aching hiss. “Sorry.”

“There was an explosive set in the-“ Nat took a uneven breath, the pain stopping her from continuing.

“Shhh, it’s alright. We should get you back to the ship. They’ll be able to-“

“What about the rest of them?” Nat leaned forward slightly, groaning in pain, staring at the huddled up groups of young children and parents.

“I’ll handle it,”

“Y/N, if Carol knew-“

“What Carol doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” you wiped the tear that had slipped from Natasha’s eye. “Let’s get you up, come on.”

A scream escaped Natasha’s lips as you tried to help her up. She begged you to stop, but not for long. You listened immediately and set her back down.

The bleeding was getting worse. You couldn’t get it under control and you didn’t have the supplies. It would take too long to go back to the ship and ask the medics to help her.

“Tell-“

“Nope, stop right there. You are not dying today.” You spoke firmly.

There was no other option. You’d never absorbed an injury this critical. But you had to try. Right?

“I’m going to help you.” You spoke with such certainty that Natasha had already figured out what you were planning.

“Y/N, no. Fury said-“ She murmured. She knew she was too weak to protest but if she could she would push you off of her right now. If you survive this, she will definitely be yelling at you later. You could take it.

“I don’t care. I’m not letting you die. Just, give me a second.” You took her hands and closed your eyes, letting your power overwhelm you. It was strong, stronger than it had been. You hoped that was a good sign that you’d make it out of this.

You felt the pain transfer and the more intense it got, the more you wanted to cry. But you kept it together as best you could. It didn’t take long for you to feel every single burn and scratch Natasha had acquired along with what felt like a hole in the abdomen.

“You can stop now. It’s- We can both live if you stop now.”

“I can’t.” You felt your both tremble beneath you. Your own strength that was holding you up had decreased considerably.

“Just let go of my hands.”

The final cuts and bruises appeared on your face and were no longer Natasha’s. A quick burst of energy expelled from you hands and pushed you backwards, landing flat on your back.

You let out a breath you had been holding. “You didn’t tell me about the leg.” Natasha went to your side lifting you to rest against her. You whimpered through a clenched jaw. “Would’ve been nice to have a heads up.” You smiled through the blinding pain.

“Why did you do that?” Natasha frowned, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“I told you. I couldn’t stop. I would’ve if I could. Would be nice to not be dying.” You laughed slightly coughing up blood.

“Oh god, uh. Help. You need help.”

“There’s no time, Nat.” You wiped the blood from your mouth using the back of your hand, staring at it as you placed your hand back onto your stomach.

“There is. You saved me now let me save you.” She squeezed your hand. “I’ll get help. Just-“ she sighed. “Just hold on. Please.”

“I’ll do my best.”

She gave you a stern look, like you did not give her the correct answer.

“I will stay alive.” You whimpered.

You stared up at the sky, the smoke from burning structures filling the space, covering your view of the stars now. Letting out a shaky breath, you watched Natasha stand up and leave to get help.

“I’ll be back.”

You never thought you’d be alone. You always thought you’d have Carol beside you telling you everything was okay. If she knew you were doing this alone, she would be so mad.

It felt like something was pressing down on your chest and though you didn’t think it was possible, your ability to breathe was depleting quickly.

Carol’s busy. She’s in the middle of a fight, she couldn’t just be pulled her away from that for you to have some comfort. These people were losing their planet, their families. It was so much bigger than you.

She's not coming. You knew that hurt you more than anything you could ever feel physically.

Tears were falling faster than you were breathing. As much as you wanted Natasha to come back, you wanted Carol more. Holding on to life was exhausting and you didn’t know how much longer you could do it for.

But you heard her voice, not being able to understand what was being said yelled though.

Death was creeping up on you, if it was Carol that was coming to you, she needed to be quick.

Carol’s timing was impeccable though as always, just as you felt your eyes close, her hands were firm on your body.

“God, what the hell did you do?” She knelt next to you, as she swiveled a bag around her body, undoing the straps and opening it.

“Carol?”

She heard your voice and how broken, how surprised you sounded that she’d come for you.

“It’s me baby, I’m here.” She stroked the side of your face, a hand still in her bag.

“W-Where’s Nat?” you stuttered.

“Helping the last of the villagers.”

“She’s okay?”

“What aren’t you telling me?” Carol pulled out supplies she needed, her spare hand feeling your pulse. “Y/N.”

“I had to,” you whispered. “Nat was dying and I-I couldn’t let-“

“You absorbed this?!” Carol looked at you quickly, realizing. Natasha had just come to her fit as a fiddle to tell her you were hurt. Her hands back in the bag, searching for something.

You tried to nod but you ended up wincing in pain and groaning at the movement.

“Damn it, where is it?” She muttered quickly to herself, panicking more.

Carol shook her head and looked back down into the bag, pulling out some medication.

“Just hold on okay. This will help.”

“Carol,” You whimpered, clenching got jaw through the pain as you lifted your hand to rest on hers. “Don’t waste that on me. It’s too late”

“No it’s not.” She pressed the metal into your thigh, holding your hand tightly to comfort you. “I’ve got you.”

“Please I-“

“It’s okay. You’re going to be just fine.” Carol stroked the side of your face that wasn’t covered in burns and scrapes. She could see the tears that were cascading down your face and had been for a while. She could tell from the wet patch that was on the rock just below your head “Shh.”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” you spoke slowly. You weren’t sure if you were really dying or if the medication was making you tired. Either way, Carol had to know. “I didn’t want to be alone.”

“You’re not alone, you hear me.” Carol frowned as your eyes closed. “Baby,” her voice cracked. With one hand in yours tightly, the other used the medpack tech, that she’d connected to your body suit. She waited for it to load. “Come on. She can’t be gone. It should’ve- Fury said this would work. Why isn’t it working?!“ She tapped the side of the hunk of metal, hoping it would help it load faster.

You felt the medication kick in just as fast as you’d felt yourself losing the fight against death moments before.

“I’m sorry,” Your eyes opened to her tear filled ones staring down at you. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips.

Carol smiled weakly at you. “You did the right thing. Even though it was really stupid.”

You felt yourself smile. Carol let out a laugh, masking the fact that she wanted to cry.

She wanted to make you comfortable, but not inflict more pain, so she stayed next to you, her hands rubbing your arm soothingly. Both of you hoping that this would work, that Carol had got to you in time.

And she had.

#carol danvers x reader #captain marvel x reader #carol danvers imagine #captain marvel imagine #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #marvel imagine #marvel fanfic #natasha romanoff

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buckywintersoldierbarnes2017 · 5 years

Text

Betrayal Leads to Secrets - Part 5

Original request from anon: like can i ask u to pls write some avengers x reader where she is part of the team but one day government come for her with overwhelming evidences that she is a traitor or a killer? the avengers are shocked, even more so when reader just get along, let herself handcuffed ready to be put in jail. she asked for the avengers to leave it alone. of course none of them listen n tried to prove her innocent. whats going on? thats up to you. pls do this if ur in a mood to write.

Note: I’m soooo sorry it’s been ages since I updated my blog with a new chapter. I had a rather hectic time but now things are settling again I promise I will keep this as up to date as I can! Love you all! <3

Avengers x Reader, Bucky x Reader

Words: 1,803

Warnings: Language, interrogation, mentions of torture, violence and angst…these are for the whole story rather then each chapter.

Disclaimer: GIF used does not belong to me so all credit goes to the owner <3

Masterlist

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

PREVIOUSLY

“He’d told me to find you Steve….” Forgetting everyone else that was stood in the room you looked directly at the blonde. “….so I did.” “But if you loved him [y/n] why didn’t you tell him when he ended up in the tower with us all?” Steve was usually so good at hiding his emotions but as you looked at him from your chair you could see that his perfect blue eyes were filling with tears that he longed to cry out. If you could make him feel better you would, you hated the fact that Bucky’s best friend was just as heartbroken over this as you were, but this situation as a whole was beyond crappy…..a lot of people were going to be hurting from this. “The last 'wipe’ he got was nothing like what they had done to him before. They erased EVERYTHING from him. Look how long it took him to remember you once you found him again and you were a huge part of his life, there was no way he was going to remember a thing about me. So I just left it….it was for the best.” “I beg to differ.” For the first time since Steve brought you here every single pair of eyes moved away from you and towards the door of the derelict building where Bucky was now stood. You could see nothing but his silhouette as the light from outside blazed behind him but with the pang that hit you in the heart you just knew he wasn’t in a good state of mind at all.

* * * * * * * * * *

“Buck…..”

Almost like it was out of pure instinct your body had moved itself out of the chair you had been sat in and your legs worked at closing the gap between you an the brunette before you could even stop yourself. Out of the corner of your eye you could see Steve stepping forward slightly as though to stop you but stops himself from doing so at the last moment.

Despite all the questions that still needed to be answered, the uncertainty that now hung over the group, he knew all too well that this particular moment needed to be between the two of you and no one else.

A sad smile was beginning to form on your face as you grew closer to him but when you noticed his whole body stiffen it quickly faded and you stopped dead in your tracks. Back at the Hydra compound you had seen him at his worst, witnessed him on the brink of losing himself completely, and yet as your eyes gazed upon his broken form now it tore your heart apart…..his current state wasn’t because of the evil your Uncle had done to him, the torture he’d endured at the hands of the agents that had worked for him, it was because of you. You had caused far more damage to his heart than Hydra had ever done to his mind. “What exactly made you think that I would be better off not knowing?” He was looking right at you, his crystal blue hues staring intensely into your [e/c] ones, but his voice was as emotionless as it had been all those times his Winter Soldier side had been activated and it made your stomach scrunch up into an uncomfortable knot. It had only been a few seconds since he’d made his appearance, but something told you he’d heard everything that had been said between you and the rest of the team. “I...” It had been so easy speaking to the others, telling them the truth, and yet now you were face to face with the very person you had been talking about any and all confidence you’d had disappeared completely. Your heart was beating so hard it felt like you were going to pass out any moment, Bucky noticed but didn’t move a muscle to get any closer to you. “Steve grab her a chair.” Without uttering a single word Steve silently picked up the chair you had been sat on before Bucky had appeared and ever so gently sat you onto it to prevent you from falling. His eyes were full of concern as he wrapped both of his hands around yours. Steve being Steve you knew he just wanted all of this to be over, for everyone to be alright, but you both knew it wasn’t going to be as simple as that. You gave him the biggest smile you could manage despite your emotional state, it barely reached your cheeks, and calmed yourself before speaking to him. “You guys need to go okay? You’ve got shield to deal with...they will be looking for me, for you...” His lips twitched as he prepared to protest. “Me and Bucky will be fine.” He nodded in response but even without looking at the others you knew they weren’t happy with leaving the two of you alone, the air around you became so dense it felt like it was going to crush you, the worst reaction came from Nat as she passed you...her protectiveness over Bucky going into overdrive...she still wasn’t entirely sure you were telling the truth, no matter what Wanda had stated, but she needed to keep quiet for now and so she simply glared in your direction before leaving. Steve was the last to leave, his eyes lingering on the two of you for a few anxious moments, and when the door to the room shut you let out a breath you never even realised you had been holding. “Buc-” “Don’t [y/n]. Just answer the question.” Even though you knew deep down that you deserved the cold tone it still hit you like a sledgehammer to the stomach to hear it.

“I never intended to be here this long. I tracked down Steve, just like you said, and I did what was needed to be done to make sure he got to you but then….”

The voice at the other end of the phone was the most excited you had ever heard it and although it warmed your heart to finally hear some true happiness in it you knew this now meant that it was time for you to leave the team. You had done what you came here to do, and James was finally safe…the last thing he needed was anyone connected to Hydra to be in his life again.

“Me and Sam will be back at the tower tomorrow. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

Steve sounded as happy as a child in a candy store, you didn’t even need to see his smile to know that it was there stretching from ear to ear on his face, and yet you were about to wipe it clean off.

“Steve he doesn’t need to meet me. He needs to recover. He nee-“

“He needs to meet the person that made this whole thing possible. You have been there for me since the first day you arrived [y/n]….he’s going to need someone like you just as much as he’s going to need me.” There was a short silence, as though he was waiting for a reply from you, but before you had even been able to process one in your mind he spoke again. “I want you there when we get back.”

God damnit. Why the hell did he have to say that last bit? You’d had everything planned until those words came out of his mouth. Even before your reply came you knew you were going to regret saying it. Everything was going to go wrong from this moment on.

“I’ll be there. I promise.”

There was no notable change in Bucky’s hardened expression as you spoke, his eyes boring into yours to make sure you weren’t lying to his face, and after what felt like an eternity of silence he finally spoke.

“Why didn’t you just leave? You had the opportunity to….you could have avoided all of this from coming out.”

“I wanted to be there for Steve.”

“That’s bullshit.” Only now did he actually close the gap between the two of you, both his hands reaching out and resting on the chair at either side of you, boxing you in and preventing any escape should you try to leave, and the pain in his eyes was now more evident than it had been since he had walked into the room. The reddened state of them confirmed to you how much he was fighting back the tears inside of him and the crystal blue colour that so often shone from them had dulled down to a murkier colour. “There’s always been some kind of connection between us, why? What are you still hiding from me?!”

“What does it even matter now?” There was only so much fight one person could have in them and had he not come as close to you as he did then your own may have lasted longer but the look in his eyes had broken you too much. “You hate me. Nothing I say now is going to change that. That look in your eyes says it all.”

Once upon a time that look had only ever been reserved for your Uncle and his men, now you seemed to have found your way to the very same level they were on…..the gutter. You had tried to rise above them, do what was right, but in the end you were always going to be ‘Hydra’, nothing more, your life had been tainted from the very moment you’d been born and there was no turning back from that.

You should never have tried running away from what was in your blood…..

That was when the realisation hit you like a punch to the stomach; it was never going to matter what you did to try and atone for your uncle, for the horrible things you had a connection to, you could have saved the entire planet from some alien invasion but everyone was always going to have that judgemental look in their eyes – they would always have suspicion towards you. It was never going to matter that you loved him with all your heart.

A dark look clouded your eyes as you looked right at him without a shred of emotion on your face. You were finally accepting the person everyone now saw you as……you were Hydra, and no one in the Avengers cared anything about you, they never had. There was only one family you would ever truly be a part of.

“Hail Hydra Soldier……”

Your heart had already shattered into a waterfall of shards and once those words escaped your lips so coldly you witnessed the very moment the same thing happened to Bucky.

~~~~~~~~~~

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Story tag list: @electronicstrangerdaze @moonlightbae14@18crazybutcutealsopsycho @demoncrypt1066@cruciosmalfoy @learisa @buckysjuicyplums @metal-armed-dino @gonnadiereading

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gynandromorph · 5 years

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talkinganimals replied to your post: oh folks… pals… friends or acquaintances….....

Ooh idk if this was the one I just posted cuz I genuinely try and avoid that stuffb unless it’s more criticsl of like…the distribitors for lack of a better word

Versus us the uh consumers or users or folks that gotta survive in a v technologically connected world…I’m rambling tho cuz online intrrnet addiction critical culture is stressful n bard 2 parse also I vibe w ur compassionate approach 2 it…

i’m not sure if u did since i immediately left to go eat some macaroni but it basically listed off [normal sense of anxiety] [completely reasonable scenario to feel hurt] [common and tactical reaction to repeated instances of punishment] [normal sense of anxiety] etc. in a very authoritative second-person voice addressing the reader... it wasn’t great is all

basically it is completely normal, actually perhaps the most arguably universal human element (as social animals, and intelligent animals) to consider other people’s opinions of you. going hungry for one night to befriend someone else is 2 people who might both get food the next night. social connection is deeply embedded in how we operate as a species, it overrides other basic instincts frequently because it really does make sense to care about what other people think. even if it didn’t the emotions are still very very real. i don’t view my own internet habits as an addiction for example because to in a way that might make more sense, you can either view it as an individual failing to integrate into a culture of suspicion and superiority as a standard (the culture is right), or you can view it as a horrible little mechanism to put a social creature through considering what it NEEDS to survive and thrive (the individual is right). we’re all locked away in our own little home cages and we leave them sometimes so we can assume we might get stabbed when we finally see other people. the internet provides some kind of satisfaction of this need in some form. i think it’s different from face-to-face interaction, but it’s probably saved a lot of people’s lives. the idealism in the mentality that fear of disapproval from your peers is irrational just because it hurts you implies that the emotion hurts you, not cruel behavior from others, and it also overstates the disparity between “parasocial” and regular social interactions. you can claim that people act different on the internet, and maybe they do to some degree, but how true is that? have nazis stopped being nazis when they log off? has an abuser ever stopped short of what they wanted to do because they realized this is real life and not a detached medium for their feelings like The Internet? of course not. anyway. yeah. i didn’t like the post. i think it was essentially just bullying people who were already described as anxious of disapproval in the post itself because the OP found the most convenient method to take advantage of their preset mentality. telling somebody i disapprove of how they’re afraid of me disapproving is NOT how i would try to help them feel more equal and empowered. i think we get a clear picture of dysfunction on the internet, but i think a lot of people on here are just bringing baggage from real circumstances that are deeply paining them, and i also don’t think it’s a great mentality to never entertain the idea that somebody might hurt you as if violence isn’t real right now not only because it puts yourself in danger, but it makes you totally unable to adequately process and support other people’s pain as well. i also don’t think it’s great to view approving of your peers as a treat to give out sparingly as your friends might become addicted to it.

#talkinganimals #[gray voice] RAMBLING HUH? WATCH /THIS/#hope that explained the gist of why i think the entire thing wasn't great from any angle

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playerfolie · 5 years

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°✧。 [ MARGARET QUALLEY , CIS WOMAN , SHE/HER ] it’s been two years since FOLIE joined velia from NEW ORLEANS , LOUISIANA , USA . apparently their name is MAEVE FOURNIER and they’re a ROGUE . they have been fighting as a REVENANTS member for a while now . didn’t people say they were not a beta tester ? i heard they turned TWENTY - ONE this year . let’s hope they make it out alive .

hey there demons ! it’s me , ya boy ( aka spence / 20 / they/them ) . i was in velia very briefly a little while back but had to dip because of school ( + i am recycling this account so that’s why there may be old messages from me in ur dms asfvad ) , but i have now finished finals and i am back to introduce you to my new baby maeve / folie ! if you’d like to plot with her , feel free to drop a ♡ on this and i’ll shoot you a message ( or shoot me one yourself if you wanna ) ! this is probably gonna be the longest intro ever because i ramble , so sorry in advance , but here we go !

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒

♡ username : folie ♡ level : 64 ♡ class : rogue ♡ cursor : green ( has been orange in the past ) ♡ guild : revenants , previously knights of the blood oath. ♡ position : recruiter ♡ mount : n/a ♡ pet : rabbit named cecil ♡ mastered skills : stealth , communication , searching ♡ proficient skills : luck , appraisal ♡ languages spoken : english , french

𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀

♡ maeve fournier was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and ballet slippers on her feet. her mother was a lawyer, one of the best defense attorneys in the south. her father came from old money, took complete ownership of a number of oil rigs off the louisiana and mississippi coasts after her grandfather died. her early life came with privileges, more than one could count, but it had its share of burdens as well. from the time she was toddling, maeve was expected to live her life like a painting ─ something to be viewed, showed off, bragged about by her parents to their wealthy friends. she was to have her mother’s smarts and grace, and her father’s power and charisma ; anything else was failure. ♡ of the many things maeve had handed to her, video games was not one of them. her mother was convinced that they would ‘ rot her brain ’, take her time away from the things that mattered like school, dance, french lessons, her violin. the first time she played a game was when she was seven years old, sleeping over at a friends house ─ pokemon white on an old nintendo ds that belonged to her friend’s father. she fell in love. ♡ as she got older, video games became her best kept secret. weekly sleepovers at her friend’s house became a sneaky rendezvous to escape into a digital world for just a couple of days. one day a week to get away from the constant pressure, to be a person rather than a spectacle. ♡ when her and her best friend heard of velia, they knew they absolutely had to have it. the pair were freshman in college by then, and although maeve still lived very much under her parents’ thumb ( loyola university new orleans was close enough for them to keep close tabs on her ), it was much easier to get video games in her own hands now that she was living slightly more independently. the two bought the game the second they could, and were off to the races. until they got stuck.

𝐈𝐍 𝐕𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀

♡ when everyone first became trapped in the game, maeve and her best friend kept close to one another, but were hesitant to partner up with any other players or join a guild. the two had each others backs, and they were convinced that that was all they needed. that sentiment would later prove to be false. ( TW : ROBBERY, MUGGING, DEATH ). the pair were ambushed a few months into the game ; a party of five players threatening their lives if they failed to hand over their possessions. maeve, aware that the group was too big to be fought off by her and her friend alone, began to concede. instead of following suit, the other girl tried to take one of them on, and ended up catching quite the beating. maeve managed to get in a few good hits, finish the work that her friend had started on one of the group members, killing him. they dropped all they had for the remaining four and high-tailed it out before they got themselves killed. ♡ after that, maeve went near crazy. it was ironic, how much freedom she found in a digital prison, but living in velia was the first and closest thing to liberation that she had ever experienced. chaos was unfamiliar to her, fascinating, she even relished in it at times. but it also became to clear to her that in this world, you had to do what it took to survive, and doe eyes don’t last long. she never went out of her way to hurt other players if she didn’t have to, but strayed away from heroics. slowly, the reserved, polite, sweetheart that maeve was trained to be from birth slipped away. folie was unapologetic and fierce, and she’d steel you blind if you looked away for more than a second. two things mattered to her: surviving until the end of this, and her best friend. little did she know that she’d lose the latter. ♡ after getting robbed, and a couple of other close calls with less than savory players, folie admitted to her friend that she thought they should try to join a guild. there was safety in numbers and, with the right group, a significantly less amount of fear with going to sleep every night. her friend disagreed, thought that a group would only make you weak, that trusting other players was a huge mistake. the whole ordeal ended in an enormous fight, but no real answers. for the most part, folie got by through thievery, stealing everything she needed for herself and selling the excess. a week or so after her fight with her friend, folie was caught stealing from a couple of blood oath members, marking the beginning of a friendship that would later lead to her joining the guild. her friend stopped speaking to her after that. ♡ she was never a fan of blood oath’s heroics, but they were the biggest guild, the most powerful - her ticket home. so that day, when hercules stepped forward, announced the genesis of a new guild, rising from the ashes of the cardinals, it sounded awfully tempting. though folie had found a place in blood oath, gotten comfortable, she couldn’t help but feel disarmed by that same fact. she wasn’t supposed to be getting comfortable ; she was supposed to be beating this game. the revenants new found mission statement of getting out no matter the cost drew her in and captured her. it didn’t take much thought for her to step forward, abandoning her old guild for the revenants.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

♡ despite the fact that folie lost a lot of the qualities programed into her when she was younger, she’s not unnecessarily mean. that being said, if you’re expecting the saccharine-voiced angel from before you’re looking in the wrong place ( but she’ll sure as hell put on a good show if it’ll get her something she wants ). ♡ a little snarky, usually jokingly so, but if you make her mad she will turn into frozone’s wife from the incredibles and you will never see the end of it. ♡ not quick to trust. if you’ve earned it though, you’re likely to see some of the old maeve slip through the cracks. those who have had the privilege may have been on the receiving end of some misplaced altruism, maybe caught a shy smile or a soft moment, call backs to who she used to be and who she likely never completely be again. but she doesn’t talk about her life back home much either, aside from the arbitrary, another way of keeping that old version of herself, the one that couldn’t survive this, locked away. ♡ *mushu voice* a flirt ! she’ll flirt with your whole family ! she’ll flirt with you ! she’ll flirt with your cow ! i wish i could stop her but i can’t ! she’s never experienced this kind of freedom before, who could blame her for being a heaux ? ♡ still has sticky fingers, watch your shit around her if you want to keep it ! ♡ probably other things i’m forgetting but i am currently brain dead.

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

♡ other revenants members › i mean duh,, gotta have those guild connections ! pals ? playful rivalry ? maybe even a little bit of mutual dislike ? gimme it all ! ♡ her old best friend › probably gonna put a wc on the main for this but PLEASE bring me her ex friend who stopped speaking to her when she joined the knights of the blood oath. i will SCREAM !! ♡ old folks from blood oath › people who she’s still friends with ? people she never got along with ? people angry that she left for the revenants ( esp if they were close before bc i love pain ) ? maybe even an ex ? *sharpay evans voice* i want it all ! ♡ flirtationships & fwb › like i said, she will flirt with a brick wall and she is living her best life as a heaux in velia asdadfvdf. let her be spici !!! ( lil notes : she’s bi + i’m chill w nsfw headcanons but i’m not super comfy writing smut in threads ) ♡ frenemies / enemies › let ! her ! be ! bitter ! that’s really it we can plot out why together i just love some good old fashioned hostility ( bonus points if there’s some underlying ~tension~ *eyebrow wiggle* ) ♡ an unlikely friendship › maybe someone who is more reserved who she can bring out a little chaos in or who can balance out the chaos in her ? maybe someone who has done something that she should hate them for, but instead they grew close ? a fun dynamic with characters who no one would ever guess would be as good of friends as they are ♡ anything else !! › if you have other ideas for fun connections please shoot them my way !! or we can brainstorm if ya want !!

#this is so long i'm so sorry afvsdf idk when to shut up #veliaintro

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tenacious-scripturient · 5 years

Text

a run-down of / my thoughts on the novel ‘trade secrets’

so! i’ve recently finished this beautifully written novel by @bettsican, and am anxiously anticipating for the second book in the trilogy! (seriously, give it a read. it’s a great lgbtq+ thriller and mystery story, i promise you’ll love it!! you can find trade secrets in many places, including amazon, where it’s only $6)

as i was reading it, i noted down all the thoughts i had. it was fun, interesting, and kept me on the edge of my seat!

oh, and spoiler warning, of course.

Chapter One

okay. this is interesting. why are they in paris? or rather, why are they NOT in paris?

2080. damn.

who is cooper hall and why is he important i want to knowwwwwwww

Chapter Two

HOLY FUCK

CHAPTER ONE WAS A PROLOGUE

OKAY IF I DIDNT NEED TO BEFORE I HAVE TO READ IT NOW

-ahem- anyway

nate literally everything you think of has to relate to smoking, doesnt it?

clyde you absolutely bitch raccoon

im sort of piecing together what’s happening here? either way this is a SUPER interesting concept.

i love the idea of every word being important

nate look at you being a nice guy. testing the CAPS before giving them to ur clients

or maybe it’s just good business

but whatever

okay, so credits are money in this world. but how do people get them? obviously there’s what nate’s doing but what’s the legal way to get them? ill probably find out soon

if it wasnt explicitly said by betty that nate ends up with another guy (i forget his name. cooper?) i would have thought audry was the romantic interest

audry you loving caring hypocrite

i feel like she’s gonna be one of my favourite characters

who is this young man that dares disturb nate’s slumber

cooper? cooper.

Chapter Three

nate get up

u turtle get up and hurry down the stairs

or—okay you can fall into that drywall that works too

ohhhhh so nate is a detective. that’s interesting

i also love this idea of keeping secrets (haha trade secrets)

dude are you sure that your embarrassing entrance wasn’t the ONLY reason you blushed? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIG—

nate ur spending an awful lot of time looking at his features you funky little bisexual

oh damn ur smarter than u seem, just watching him take a single breath and you’re already making connections. i guess that’s why he’s a detective

im gonna assume this is cooper, even tho it never explicitly says so

i feel like we aren’t gonna get his name for a while, bc clients and whatnot and not getting attached

Chapter Four

NATE WEARS GLASSES???????

that’s kind of cute

im lowkey gay rn

anyway

NATE CALLED HIM SWEET-FACED AND PRETTY-FACED O K A Y

oh he has curly brown hair

and oh the glasses aren’t real glasses. oh. the use is actually pretty cool!

so from what im gathering civilians are people who don’t live in sanctuaries, and lemnis are people who do?

cooper sweetie why do u need so much money what have u done

nate’s pretty clever

HAH I WAS RIGHT WE AREN’T GONNA GET HIS NAME FOR A WHILE

well that’s that i guess

Chapter Five

he’s so timid awh

hehe he’s on nate’s bed

sorry

goddammit man calm down or else you’re gonna get everyone in a 5-mile radius around you arrested

wait…. zero-credit balance?? didn’t he just have a few hundred thousand credits???

OH THIS IS A FAKE PROFILE HE MADE

so cooper isn’t his real name either

Chapter Six

oh we’re back to 2080

oh they’re back in the apartment??

it was obvious before but at this point it’s confirmed that they’re going to be doing some travelling together or something

Chapter Seven

this is getting really interesting i dont wanna stop reading and type everything that comes to mind

these are gonna be shorter now hehe

“i’d been a petri dish of mixed emotions and wild chemical changes for half the day” I LOVE THAT METAPHOR LMFAO

what happened with nate’s mom

i want to know

my prediction: she wanted him to either change up or completely remove the chip bc she did something horrible? or maybe she just wanted to leave idk im bad at predictions

either way it said she was crazy

o h

that’s why he’s terrified of cutting the chip

poor nate

Chapter Eight

oh this is strangely intimate

very intimate

i feel that, because cooper has such high pain tolerance (or doesn’t show pain), he has some backstory for it

Chapter Nine

lmao nate just went off didnt he

THEIR FLIRTING IS CUTE FHJKJDLSKAJDKLSJAK

also is being lgbtq+ widely accepted as the norm in this setting? bc nate considered cooper to be flirting with him

ughhhh it’s so good so far, from the character interactions to the suspense, especially in this chapter

Chapter Ten

rude cooper is rude, rude nate is even more rude

F E D O R A

“coop”

Chapter Eleven

aw i love jimmy already—

WHAT THE FUCK COOPER

EXCUSE ME

JIMMY

WHAT

HOW COULD YOU

goddammit

what the fuck is cooper hiding

cooper oh my god

you

you’re playing a dangerous game, mate

are you really that heartless

“deceptively innocent eyes” you got that right

this chapter hurted

thanks a lot jess

Chapter Twelve

“like a weeping wound on the canvas of my home” this has got to be one of my favourite similes ever omg

the way nate’s describing cooper makes my heart hurt awh

i feel like butterflies have some sort of symbolism

maybe being ugly on the outside and beautiful on the inside, or vice versa? the vice versa was basically cooper lol

aye we finally get to meet audry!!

PEANUT BUTTER AND TRICYCLE I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT

i love audry omg

IT’S NATE’S BIRTHDAY?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY YA SMOKEY CONMAN

“bright eyes” is the cutest nickname ever

Chapter Thirteen

oh we’re back to 2080

wait what they’re trapped together

is this story gonna have a sad ending

please no

Chapter Fourteen

OH IT’S THE LINE ON THE COVER

i like that

nate’s back to where he left cooper

also if it wasn’t obvious before, it’s definitely obvious now that nate and cooper or gonna find each other again. hm. not sure how i feel about that

kind of pissed at cooper but also we need him for the story to progress

O H

COOPER IM ONLY KIND OF PISSED AT YOU NOW

IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

NATE IVE SAID IT BEFORE BUT YOU’RE PRETTY CLEVER

also who is ‘her’?

COOPER WANTS TO BECOME A?? LEMNIS?? GODDAMMIT MAN

I CAN FEEL THE PRESSURE RISING

nate’s in danger

wow this chapter is

a lot

i need a break

-cue a break-

Chapter Fifteen

i’m back

eisley is a cool last name

oh wait so even people outside of sanctuaries can become a lemniscate

i’m still not 100% sure what a lemniscate is

it’s so ironic elijah’s last name is king, but i assume you did that on purpose. i also like the slight nod to royalty by his first name

COOPER’S BACK

why hello there

Chapter Sixteen

they’re

competing

to become a lemniscate

and one of them dies

do they fight back?? is that why they end up in prison??? so many thoughts are going through my head right now

nate, your fantasy about becoming a lemniscate is surprisingly dark. i’m totally down for it

Chapter Seventeen

oh wait so joshua is cooper’s blackmailer?? Interesting that it’s a lemniscate

i keep forgetting nate is wearing glasses

cooper, my dude, calm the fuck down. you’re gonna get yourself and nate killed

it’s the return of soft™ nate

Chapter Eighteen

oh there’s another one

oh this is very ominous i don’t like

Chapter Nineteen – Twenty-One

okay i was eating while i read so i couldn’t type here but just know that these chapters were really really good

Chapter Twenty-Two

wait fuck what’s happening this is all happening so fast

cooper brought out his gun,,,, it’s aimed at ivonne,,,,,,, they’re walking,,,

OH IT WAS A FAKE KIDNAPPING

nice

i like ivonne a lot

Chapter Twenty-Three

the entire story just changed course

this isn’t just about cooper and nate anymore, it’s about a corrupt government

NATE AND COOPER ARE HOLDING HANDS AS THEY RUN THROUGH THE BARRIER THAT’S SO ROMANTIC

also the line “only the dead are ever truly free” is beautiful

THAT’S WHERE PARIS COMES IN

THEY ALL GO TO FRANCE DON’T THEY

I’m so curious to find out where this story is going

Chapter Twenty-Four

this is doin me a confusion

but tbh these hints/ visions of the future, if you could call them that, are giving just enough information to keep me super interested. props to you

Chapter Twenty-Five

AUDRY STOP TEASING NATE

just joking keep doing it, this might actually get their relationship somewhere

ivonne is definitely my favourite character so far. she reminds a little of melia from xenoblade chronicles, in that they’re both ‘royalty’ that rebel. also they’re badass and smart

oh fuck the brother is here

okay thank god he’s not an asshole

oh god things are happening again

Chapter Twenty-Six

nate stop ogling at cooper when you’re in a life-or-death situation

holy shit the lemniscate are messed up

this crew is pretty great, it sucks that it’s almost the end of the book

WAIT I FORGOT THERE’S A SECOND COMING SOON HECK YEAH

anyway

YES COOPER PULL THROUGH

awwww yiss

Chapter Twenty-Seven

O H

oh my god i ship them so hard

THEY KISSED

THIS IS SO STEAMY

this chapter was art thank you so much for this

Chapter Twenty-Eight

AHAHAH AUDRY

once again, i’d like to state how much i love her

oh the tension just grew twentyfold

this is… great

oh god nate what are you planning, you just got together with cooper and now you want to leave him?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

what’s with all the dancing?

Chapter Thirty

oh god the description

so he’s going around and giving people credits, all the while confessing things that would help the lemniscate track him down. i assume this means he’s going to die, but why?

just what are you planning?

oh we’re back to clyde, the guy who started it all. it feels full circle

Chapter Thirty-One

HE’S MAKING HIS CHIP SHOW THAT HE’S DEAD

that’s much smarter

FUCK

NATE YOU IDIOT—COOPER’S REAL NAME

SHIT NOW KING IS HERE

everything’s going downhill now isn’t it

Chapter Thirty-Two

wait that took an even darker turn

there’s so much happening right now i can’thandlethis

cooper and nate are couple goals

Chapter Thirty-Three

king isn’t as horrible as i thought

still horrible, but not a monster

NEVER MIND YOU’RE A FUCKING MONSTER WHAT IS THIS BS

cooper

actually

shot

nate

Chapter Thirty-Four

OH MY GOD

WHAT

THIS IS HOW YOU END IT

I CAN’T

HOW DARE YOU

i need the next book

like right now

what the hell

Final Thoughts

okay so this book was SO good, and so well written. like damn

aside from that horrible ending how could you do this to me

i’m joking, it was an incredible and emotional ending, i loved it and hated it at the same time

it very rarely felt static, and especially in the first half, there was a good mix of action and backstory/description. it was never boring

the story is just,,, so unique. i seriously haven’t read anything like it, EVER

the world-building?? Is?? so vast?? and insane??

the increasing tension and speed as the story progressed is perfect, i felt my heart beating faster the more i read

anyway that’s all from me

this book was amazing i cannot wait for the next

#writeblr #other writeblrs #trade secrets #phahbiyah speaks

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zivitz · 5 years

Text

I can’t reblog this post so I’m just gonna copy and paste my reply. And then I have better things to do with my brain space than respond to people who are attempting to browbeat me into submission while simultaneously refusing to allow me to participate, explain, or elaborate on my POV. So I might be talking to myself here, but it makes me feel better. To my followers, I’m sorry for the novel.

@trashpandabarnes ( @trashpanda-barnes) wrote:

yeah, abusing and gaslighting your “daughter” whose family who burnt to the ground, whom you tried to manipulate and sacrificed AGAINST HER WILL, as she ACTIVELY EXPRESSED HER DESIRE TO FREE HERSELF FROM YOU but you threw her off the cliff’s edge because u want power, because you don’t actually care about your “daughter” but are ALL about making her tragedy of negligence and abuse ALL YOUR OWN self-vicimized manpain is totally the characteristics of a fantastique dad™, ooof i could go on and on on the Gamora thing alone but then there’s Nebula who you mistreated her whole life and constantly pit her against the only person who she felt like she could have a connection to, and never passed up a chance to insult her, saying killing her would be a “waste of parts”. Boi oh boi @zivitz never fucking have kids dude if you think saying/doing this kind of shit to your kids is still gonna get u the award of father of the year bc no matter how much u claim u love ur kids, it doesn’t fucking excuse the abuse and also never have a girlfriend if this is how you think women are to be treated in fiction/otherwise —its 2018, women deserve better than to be treated as plot device for a self-importance asshole’s cringey angst. Get tf outta here with your apologist attitude, dufe. Thanos shows no remorse or no acknowledgement of faults and therefore, no character growth. He is stubborn and self-absorbed and a deadass weak villian. Marvel went about wrong with constantly trying to sympathize him, he’s a purple egoistic maniac and that is not an appealing character trait and should NOT have been glamorized by marvel for edgy fanboys like you with barely one working braincell, end of.

First of all, and this must be embarrassing for you- I’m not a guy. At least, I hope it’s embarrassing, because you’re making a fuck of a lot of assumptions based on this belief and they’re all wrong.

There seems to be a lot of thought going around that I am, and I quote, “pro-Thanos”. That I defend his actions or justify them in any way. That I think he’s a swell guy who’s just a misunderstood woobie. Or something. I think you’re confusing me with the Loki fangirls, but whatever.

Thanos being both capable of love and actually loving Gamora doesn’t make him a good person. It’s pretty clear throughout the movie that Gamora is literally the only person he loves. At all. In the universe. Except for himself, that is. Just because he’s capable of loving Gamora doesn’t mean he loves Nebula- I mean, clearly he fucking hates her. He doesn’t love the Black Order. I have a hunch that they started out as his ‘children’ in terms of being under his protection, guidance, and doing his bidding, but he was taken by Gamora and she became his daughter in thought and deed as well as word.

I have never ever said he was a good father, either. He clearly was not; no good parent puts their child through that kind of pain. No good parent rips a child away from their family, kills them, forces them into a life they neither are ready for nor would have chosen. A good parent (even most bad parents) doesn’t pit children against each other. Gamora had an abusive childhood, flat out. No one’s arguing that. Thanos is a big fat child abuser. He abused her (and Nebula, and probably the Black Order) to suit his own purpose. It was bad and wrong and fucked them all up royally and none of them deserved that.

Now take a step back and get the fuck of your high horse for a minute, and look at it from Thanos’s perspective. He is the hero of his own story. That’s what we were meant to see in Infinity War. A peek at the story from his point of view. Not that we were supposed to believe he was right, not that they were saying he had a point, or that we should sympathize with him. We’re not supposed to see character growth because he’s not the hero and there is no redemption. We’re just seeing how things look from his vantage point.

He saw his world die and couldn’t stop it because no one was strong enough to do the terrible, awful thing that would have saved it. And he saw the same things happening all over, so he decided he was the only one strong enough to do what needed to be done. And he worked hard at it. He collected his ‘children’, those he could raise and train to be strong like him and carry out his work. Carry on his work, if it lasted beyond his lifetime.

Gamora came along and was Different. In that deleted scene, he said himself he saw himself as alone and he was okay with that (he says in a voice that very much says he was Not Okay With That) because he had ‘a new vocation’. Until Gamora. He loved her. Took her under his wing, trained her, challenged her to be the best she could be. Gave her a family. Thought she, his favourite daughter, would be his heir. Wanted her to choose it, choose him, and let her leave when she didn’t instead of dragging her back and punishing her. He doesn’t really care that she’s rejecting him because he loves her regardless, but is hurt by the betrayal of her lies because she was the one person he trusted completely. He hurts her, but only as much as he has to to get what he needs. If he didn’t need to, he wouldn’t hurt her (we see this again and again- he could have killed Bruce, Groot, Cap, Wanda- and he didn’t. He just wanted them out of his way). His Vocation is more important at this point. And even then, he struggles with the decision that he must sacrifice the one person he loves and again be utterly alone- and live with the knowledge that he’s killed his child, his ‘everything’- for the sake of the Greater Good.

That’s how Thanos views himself. Is that how I view him? Not really. I mean, objectively speaking he did pretty fucking unspeakable things for what he thinks in his own incredibly misguided way is the right thing to do. Did Gamora deserve all that? Fuck, no. No one does. Did he love her during all of that, think he was doing what was best for her? Yup. Was it actually what was best for her? Fucking hell. No.

I love Gamora. I feel a great affinity for her because I grew up in an abusive household, where I was groomed and manipulated to be what my mother wanted and needed me to be. I was made in her image, to be useful to her and do what she needed and prop her up. I was her enabler for a long time. I didn’t break away from her until I was long into adulthood. And yet, I was loved. My mother thought she was doing the right thing by me. She thought she was making me into a strong person. She was doing her best to make me the best I could be by her vision. Because she loved me. She was wrong about what she was doing. She fucked me up in ways I’m still learning about. I can see both worlds: the one my mother inhabits, and the real world.

I feel Gamora. I really, truly do. But liking Thanos, being able to see how he sees himself and yes, even feel bad for someone who’s suffering even if they’re a crazy abusive monster, doesn’t mean I have to agree with him. Doesn’t mean I think he’s justified, doesn’t make me an apologist. Doesn’t mean I love Gamora any less.

And it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. That I support abuse, abusers, or would abuse anyone in any way. I work with very young children precisely because I was abused and no one helped me. And I want to keep that from happening to other children, to keep them from growing up like I did. It’s my own version of “There are little girls like you across the universe who are in danger. You can stay with us and help them.” You make a lot of assumptions about me, and we all know what they say about that. This is fandom, but we’re all people here. Maybe check yourself before you go shooting your mouth off about shit you know nothing about.

#Thanos #fandom drama #you don't have to agree with me #but fuck off with the personal attacks and assumptions #infinity war

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sloppy-butcher · 4 years

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Whats your hcs for Frank, Evan and Herman?? They are my 3 loves so im curious... (love your work ya poes

how old are you sir? I must ask to see ur ID. a babey can’t be using language like that >:(

anyhow, the 3 boys eh? I’ll gladly write anything for them uwu. I’m going to be doing general relationship hc’s so things will probably get fluffy and maybe a little angsty. i can’t help myself sometimes. I’m going to try include one NSFW hc for each of the 3 stooges, so be prepared. it may be bad. the reader will be left as ambiguous as possible

edit: i write way to much :/ i think i should only do 1 or 2 character requests from now on T_T

hope you enjoy!

General relationship HeadCanons

The Legion (Frank Morrison)

With Frank, there was no real start to your relationship. There was no moment in time, no exact, pinpoint instance when one could say that that is when you two starting everything. It kind of just happened. Maybe it was when Frank first kissed you, it felt like fireworks and the snow in Mount Ormond was no longer cold. Or maybe it was when he first saw you dancing along with Suzie to one of her favorite songs, the twirling of your feet mixed with perfectly timed head slams dazzled him and he wanted nothing more than to have you give him a private dance. In the end, these are all speculations and the truth may never be known.

Around others, he was hesitant to show his emotion. You two could be sitting right next to each other your thighs all but alined when out of nowhere Joey sticks his head in. Frank snaps like a mousetrap, retreating back away from you as if he was embarrassed. You confronted him about this, you told him everything’s okay and that no one would judge him for being human. He refused you and, not to lie, it really hurt. But one day, just as you were walking away you felt his hand snake its way into yours. He hesitated for a moment, afraid you might reject him but of course, you gladly wrapped his hand in yours. You heard Joey wolf-whistle from somewhere behind you and Frank very enthusiastically tossed a middle finger at him. You couldn’t see it, but Frank was blushing under his mask.

Franks, not a romantic guy so don’t expect flowers or gifts or really anything nice. He grew up with virtually nothing so the idea of wooing someone with items of material affection is very foreign to him. He believes that if his presence and physical affection aren’t enough to prove to you that he appreciates you, then nothing will. But you never cared about gifts. All you ever wanted was Frank and he couldn’t help but feel giddy at the thought.

!NSFW! Frank was a pretty vanilla guy. He doesn’t have much experience when it comes to the department of extremely intimate affection and therefore knew literally nothing about the pleasures of the flesh. But the keyword here is ‘was’. After meeting you and your guiding hand he blossomed into a very wild and very hungry individual. His favorite position though is when he gets to look at you. And if you call his name he will instantly crumble. Afterward, or during the act you need to reach out and caress him. Touch and explore his body, mainly his face and he’d moan even louder. Your hands are so soft and gentle and when you touch him he floats with elated glee. He feels alive when he’s with you.

The Doctor (Herman Carter)

You would have to be extremely special or out-of-the-ordinary in order to catch the eye of the Doctor. But somehow you managed to do it. Herman was a man unhinged, incapable of empathy and compassion. He never looked at other humans as people with feelings and conscious ideas and thoughts. He only ever saw them and you as test subjects. But something about you was off. You did something that made this machine of a man halt in his pursuit of human torture. What exactly did you do? Well, nothing really. As he approached you, electrical energy between his hands flexing and growing ready to turn your brain to mush, you never screamed, never flinched away and never took your tired eyes off him. The first few times when you welcomed death he didn’t notice and it was only after a significate amount of encounters that finally Herman realized he had never heard your cries of fear and pain.

He would amp up his power when he would find you in trials. He would kill you much more violently than he would the others, make your liquified brain ooze out your ears and make your heart stop and start like a busted old car. Sometimes he would even through away the whole trial upsetting his boss greatly, just to get to you. But no matter what he did, you never offered him what he wanted. You had seen and experienced much worse than him and when death never gives you a release, torture becomes mundane and repetitive. When Herman finally understood that you weren’t afraid of him, he relented, snuffed out his power and walked away. He had his attention now.

Whenever you would visit him during off-time he would follow you as you wandered around the massive mansion known as Léry’s. Sometimes he would lead you, taking you to the rooms which he liked the most (operation rooms). Herman can not talk, the contraption in his mouth has stretched his lips to the point that they can no longer function and his voice box is beyond repair, damaged thanks to his constant flow of electricity that would otherwise kill a man. But he doesn’t need to talk to you. You always seem to know what he wants without hearing a single word.

!NSFW! Sex with Herman is out of the question. The man is pumped with endless volts of electricity and if you were to so much as touch him, your body would recoil and spasm painfully from the contact. If you ever wanted to experience pleasure from or with the man, he would have to try rein back some of that overflowing energy. But the man is too prideful and would never dare try to cull some of his ability. Unfortunately. But maybe after some time, he might learn to listen. There is no time in the Fog, only eternity and humans were never meant to live for that long. Our minds dull and our intentions warp from the time spent existing and maybe even someone as mad and determined as Herman could learn that it’s not so bad to let others into his life.

The closest you could ever get to kissing Herman is probably just planting a soft peck on his cheek. A dangerous move considering the possible consequences of actually touching him with such a sensitive part of you, but a risk you were willing to take. One day, however, in the silence and fog of the mansion Herman would reach out for you. He would lean down to your height and very slowly take your hand. There was no static shook when your skins met. He was telling you that he was calm. He would then guide your hands to his mouthpiece and he would tell you to take it off. Delicately you would peel away the metal from flesh and his mouth would furiously bleed and dretch his teeth with red. When he was free you would quickly meet him and you would hungrily kiss his chapped lips. He would kiss you back, his lips unable to keep up with yours but his tongue is wild and eager. However, after only a minute he would shove you away violently. As you feel the connection between you two break, the space around Herman lits up and crackles with mad energy. You would have to wait for him to calm down again if you wanted to continue your endeavors.

The Trapper (Evan Macmillan)

Despite being one of the most diligent and consistently brutal killers in the realm, when Evan is alone and the only eyes watching him are yours, he is a gentleman. He would speak to you softly, asking about your day already knowing that it was pretty shit. He would hold doors open for you and he would always make sure you were warm, either with a spare blanket or a seat extra close to a fire. He would fuss over you. Your soft skin, so clean and pure, untouched by the horrible and evil ways of the world made him marvel at how human you were. To him, you were what humans were meant to be, good and kind, whereas he was a monster charred and broken, unworthy and incapable of affection and of all those things that were meant to make life wonderful. He wanted to protect you, preserve that softness of you and although he couldn’t do anything to help you when the camera’s all turned back on, during this time he would smother you with whatever cautious and motherly behavior he could muster.

He was drawn to you because of your confident behavior. He found your energy alluring and would always find himself somehow infected by your hope and optimism. You were like a fire, burning everything in your path and he just happened to be close enough to catch alight. In the beginning, Evan would become very annoyed by your seemingly endless ideas of survival but as time went on and you never seemed to dampen like the others he found that his annoyance turned into curiosity. A part of him wanted to know what it was like to be under your light of hope. It yearned to be rescued but a bigger and much louder part of him, a voice oddly resembling his fathers, drowned it out. However, that didn’t stop his feet from walking towards you and it certainly didn’t stop you from staying with him.

In the early stages of your relationship with the mountain of a man, you had to the one initiating affection. You had to be the one to reach out and grab his hand. He would look down at you and you swore you could hear him gasp. And when you would want to hug him, you would either have to wait until he sat down or you would have to climb atop a box. It’s not that he was afraid to reciprocate your feelings, he just felt like he didn’t deserve it. He tried to remain stone-cold and distant hoping that it would detour you and make you give up on him but you weren’t known for ‘giving up’. Eventually, when you refused to leave and he had to accept that you wanted to be with him, all you needed to do for a hug was open your arms wide and beckon him closer with your hands. He would roll his eyes and very stiffly lean down for you. You would eagerly wrap yourself as best you could around his neck and, if you were laughing or in an infectiously good mood, he would engulf you in his own. Sometimes he would even stand up and sweep you off your feet. He would bury himself into your neck, trying his best to smell you through his bone and metal mask.

!NSFW! This has been said many times before but Evan has handles. Those large pieces of metal piercing his shoulders and down his back. It scared you at first when he suggested you hold onto them, they looked so painful and the skin around the puncture wounds were all puffy and red. He reassured you and explained that he doesn’t feel much of anything anymore. When he said that you looked at him confused then, without thinking, you lean forward and gently place a kiss on the wound. He tries to watch you as you trail butterfly kisses over his exposed chest. “Feel better?” You ask pulling away for a moment. He couldn’t respond, his throat welling up with shook, disgust and absolute fascination. You clearly didn’t care about what he looked like, what kind of monster he had become, and it gave him so much more confidence. Hold on to his handlebars, pull and yank them as he thrusts into you, he likes to feel your weight vibrate through the bars into his ribcage. Evan enjoys the feeling of control he gets when he is the one giving you pleasure and also foundation.

BONUS! Drag your tongue along one of the bars. Make sure his eyes never leave you and when you finally lick the whole length of the metal, plant your lips firmly on his mouth. He will kiss back passionately, amazed at how dirty someone so pure and good like you could be.

#dead by daylight #dbd imagines #dbd the legion #dbd frank morrison x reader #dbd the Doctor #dbd herman carter x reader #dbd the trapper #dbd evan macmillan x reader #this is too long #but i love you #ask

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