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icallhimjoey · 1 year

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Never Over

♥ ♥ rockstar!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: Following “Only Now”, “Over Now” and “Then Again”, the story continues. You agreed to have coffee with Eddie, because Eddie needs to speak to you. Sure, he wrote that letter, but he needs to have an actual conversation. So you do, and then, afterwards, it sort of… all just, goes to shit.

CW / disclaimer: 18+, language, fem!reader, mentions of smut, angst, substance abuse, hard drugs, alcoholism, lots of being sick, addiction, codependency, withdrawal symptoms

Author’s note: So, I was really convinced that this story was over for me. That the three prior parts to this would remain a trilogy, and that, if I were to ever write for Eddie again, it would be something entirely different. But then I got a message from my girlie and, shit. Here we are.

Wordcount: 10.7K

(find all four parts of this story here)

The rumbling of the engine and the gentle rocking of the vehicle did a good job of slowly letting Eddie fall asleep. It quickly became too difficult to keep his heavy eyelids open still, but the wide grin on his face was there to stay.

It was late, and the day had been long, but Eddie was happy. So very happy. Everything was coated in a light layer of joy, satisfaction, contentment, fulfillment and love. Even grumpy band members with snarky comments coming from the other bunks didn’t spoil his mood.

They weren’t rose-tinted glasses that falsely made him think everything was perfect, because he knew they very much weren’t perfect. However, there was a beauty in being sure.

Eddie felt sure, and Eddie would tell everyone that he felt sure all the time.

You, on the other hand, were very consistently unsure. About everything. Constantly.

The entire week leading up to meeting Eddie for coffee after Nancy and Jonathan’s wedding you’d been unsure. Eddie wanted to talk. Had to get things off his chest. And you’d said, or, had written in your case, that you’d go to meet him. But you were so very unsure about the whole thing.

You were very hesitant. Completely in two minds. On unsteady footing. Wobbly legs. Constantly all up in your head, overtaken by thought and hesitation. Yes, you were going to meet Eddie for a coffee because, why not? But no, you really shouldn’t go to meet Eddie, should you? Especially not after regret found you fast after what you’d done. It was sort of waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs in the grand lobby, where you spotted it in a huge mirror and it kind of scared you.

The person staring back at you was someone who just cheated on her boyfriend. With Eddie. Who was still upstairs, in Nancy and Jonathan’s bridal suite. Asleep.

Regret.

It immediately made you want to sneak back upstairs and take that note that you’d left. You should have never fucking done that. Everything about it had been delicious, but, at what cost? Thank God you at least looked fine. You’d been on top for a reason; not a hair was out of place. No one was to suspect anything had happened.

“Hey,”

Except maybe Steve.

“Where’s Eddie?”

You looked at Steve in the large mirror as you smoothed out your dress, and you didn’t really know what to say. You didn’t want to lie to your friend, but you could hardly tell him the truth, could you?

“Where’s Matt?”

You omitted Steve’s question with one of your own, as if knowing where Matt was at influenced the answer you’d give him. It would, actually, but that’s not what you wanted Steve to think.

Too late though.

Steve looked at you a second before answering, “Joyce has got him in a death grip, actually got him onto the dance floor– hey, are you okay? Did Eddie leave?”

“I’m fine,” you smiled, turned to Steve and tried to let your smile reach your eyes. “We talked.”

You did talk. Well, Eddie talked. Eddie got to say a lot of things, needed to get things out that you only half-listened to.

“Long talk,” Steve raised his eyebrows and clicked his tongue. The judgment coming from him made you roll your eyes.

“Yea, well, there’s lots of things to talk about, isn’t there?”

You walked past Steve, ready to get back to the party, but Steve grabbed you by the arm before you could.

“You wanna be honest with me?”

“Steve,” you pleaded, not wanting to get into it. The ‘not now’ followed unspoken, silently. You were trying to do your best to keep all the bad feelings at bay. Everything was so fun a minute ago, you’d been so in control of everything. High on power. Where had all of it gone all of a sudden? You realised just then how fleeting all of it had been.

“Where’s Eddie?” Steve asked again.

“Upstairs.”

Steve’s expression fell and his grip loosened in surprise. You took your chance to escape him and power-walked as fast as your heels could carry you, back into the solarium. You saw Steve enter seconds after you did and were glad he hadn’t gone up to find Eddie but had instead decided to stay out of it.

Smart man.

Smart men minded their business.

But then you saw him walk over to Robin and nod his head before stepping outside with her following his tails. There was no way they weren’t going to talk about you. But, so what? They could talk. You made the conscious decision to not care, because your boyfriend, the very one who didn't dance, was on the dance floor, getting instructions from Jim Hopper as Joyce tried her best to get him to follow her lead. They had every onlooker in stitches.

Then suddenly something panged in your chest and realisation dawned.

Matt was too good for you.

You didn’t deserve someone like him.

Fuck.

Look at that goofy goober. There wasn't a bad bone in that body.

You were going to have to tell him. Tell him everything. Oh no, and he fucking loved Eddie too. Loved Corroded Coffin. Matt was such a fan, and you had just... ruined all of it, hadn’t you?

Shit.

You saw Hopper applaud proudly, booming voice going, "You got it, kid!" when Matt got something right, and he laughed as Joyce encouraged him, praising him for even trying with her at all.

Yea. You were going to have to tell him.

Not today, though. But soon.

Your coffee meeting with Eddie hadn't gone like you had expected. You hadn't known what to expect at all, really, but you had never anticipated for Eddie to be quite so brutal. So toxic. In a way it helped, because it just proved to you that Eddie was still Eddie, no matter how honest and up front he was now.

He was just sober now. Had a bit more insight and knew how to use his words right.

Walking into the coffee shop, you saw that Eddie was in disguise, already sat at a table in the far back. He had his hood up and was wearing sunglasses indoors which inadvertently only pulled more attention towards him, but it was whatever. It's what celebrities did, and sometimes it genuinely helped, so Eddie wore the uniform of a rockstar that didn't want to be bothered. You got yourself a coffee and sat down opposite him.

You kept your coat on and gave a tight lipped smile as Eddie removed his sunglasses and reached across the table to grab onto your forearm for a moment in greeting as he smiled warmly. Eddie seemed a little nervous, but excited to see you.

You were distant. Cold. You needed to be, because for seven agonizing twenty-four hour days you'd thought of everything Eddie could say that held potential to reel you back in, and you weren't going to do that to yourself.

Eddie wanted to talk. So you were going to let him talk. Talk, listen and then leave. That was the plan.

And so, Eddie talked.

Eddie talked to you with a tilted head, apologetic scrunched up eyebrows and hands that reached to touch you every time he mentioned you. Eddie talked and forgot all about his coffee.

He spoke of childhood trauma that shaped him, his attachment issues, his inability to root anywhere properly and of finding solace in familiarity. How he looked for escapes, easy fixes to cure him from the outside in, and how awful he felt about everything he'd ever done to everyone to make them feel bad.

"Especially you."

You had a hard time looking him in the eye, studied your coffee instead.

"I know you don't owe me anything... not your time, not your friendship, not your love... you owe me nothing, but, please let me give. I want to give, you deserve everything that I never gave before, and I want to give it to you now."

You could tell Eddie went to therapy. These were beautifully crafted words for you, but you didn't want to let them in. Didn't want to let them touch you. Didn't want to let them come even slightly close.

"I'm glad you're better now," was the first thing from your lips. Besides small nods and tight smiles, you hadn't said anything yet.

"I really meant everything I wrote in the letter I sent,"

You nodded slowly, then took the last sip of your coffee and looked at your empty cup for moment. Eddie took your silence as an invitation to repeat the things he'd written. After listening to it for a few seconds, you cleared your throat and interrupted him.

"You don't have to–... I read your letter. I know what it said."

You sounded colder than you intended, and winced inwardly. But maybe it was good that you came off extra harsh, because you saw it take effect immediately.

Eddie's jaw tensed as he sat back in his chair a little. He looked at you a moment, then asked, "Have you told him?"

Matt.

"There's nothing to tell," you shrugged, and it made Eddie scoff. He looked around the room, as if to check if anyone else was hearing this. Nothing to tell? Come on. There was plenty to tell.

Eddie reached into his pocket and retrieved a note. Your note. The note you had left on the pillow that said you'd go have a coffee with him.

"This was cute," Eddie held it up between his index and middle finger, then flung it onto the table where it landed in between you.

You inhaled a sharp breath as you looked at your handwriting.

"So, um, thanks for this Eddie, good luck with–"

"Whoa... hey, you're not just leaving?" Eddie sat up in his seat.

"We've had coffee. You wanted to talk, and you talked."

"But... no, wait, that's not– we slept together a week ago,"

"Shut the fuck up," you panicked, hissing through your teeth as you ducked into your shoulders and looked around to check if anyone had heard him.

"Tell me," Eddie sat up, moved in closer, both elbows back on the table. "What do I need to do to make it right?"

You blinked at him, a little dumbfounded.

"You putting that on me?"

"No, I– I just... I'm just asking, is there anything you think I could do or say that will fix everything I've done?"

"That's a big ask, I don't think so,"

"There's gotta be," Eddie said, confident. "There is. I'm gonna figure it out." and he sat back, legs spread wide with a disgustingly smug look on his face.

There he was.

Therapy and sobriety could do a lot, but it couldn't erase the man that Eddie had become over the past few years.

"Okay, well... enjoy that. I'm gonna go, good luck with... I don't know, life, in general–"

And as you got up, Eddie suddenly shot a hand out towards you and grabbed you by the wrist. For a small moment, you saw 17-year-old Eddie stare at you pleadingly. He almost looked... scared.

"I can't, Eddie..."

You thought of what else to say. Something good, to make him feel better. Something sweet, to make him smile, maybe. But then all you managed to say was,

"I'm sorry."

And with that, you gathered your things, turned your back and walked out. The second you were out of Eddie's sight, you broke, face scrunching up as you let the tears flow freely.

You were going to have to tell Matt. Tonight. You had to.

But then you didn't, did you?

Because what were you going to tell him?

"Hey remember that celebrity that you really love? Yea... same."

You couldn't.

And so, you didn't.

Until a few days later, Eddie called whilst you were at work. A classic move. Eddie knew you wouldn't be able to pick up. Knew he'd catch your answering machine instead. He wanted to leave a message.

"I know I'm not supposed to be calling you, I know this is stupid and I'm crossing all sorts of lines and boundaries, and I'll probably make things worse, but, fuck... what else am I supposed to do? Pretend nothing ever happened? Pretend that I don't think of you every second of every single fucking day? I can't... I don't know how I'm supposed to... that's not– I don't even want that to be an option. I don't want to pretend that having sex with you,"

Eddie paused. Sighed.

"That wasn't just a casual fuck, that was– we used that bridal suite for what it was meant for, I don't care if you don't want to hear it. That was making love. Shit, I fucking love you, I need to... You gotta– what do I have to do, you gotta tell me. There's gotta be something. There's–"

The phone suddenly clicked.

"Hey," a male's voice answered Eddie.

"Is this um... is this Eddie Munson?"

Just over a week after you and Eddie had met for coffee, Steve was meant to meet Eddie ahead of a Corroded Coffin gig. Small venue, not far from where Eddie lived, and they were going to get Indian food. That was the plan. But then Eddie didn’t show, and Steve waited for thirty minutes before asked if he could make a call.

No one answered.

Worry shot over Steve, because Eddie had been good. Eddie had been really reliable these past few months. They didn’t meet up often, but when they did, Eddie would check and confirm their plans several times. Eddie made sure to not fuck up anymore, to be there for his friend, to make this right and prove to himself and to everyone else that he was doing better now. That he was sober and present and better.

But thinking of it now, Steve hadn’t heard from Eddie since they said they’d go for Indian food ahead of the gig Steve was going to attend. That was well over a week ago. He contemplated for a minute but then decided, fuck it, and left the restaurant. Something wasn’t right.

When he rang Eddie’s doorbell, he was buzzed in pretty quickly and it gave him a little hope. Maybe Eddie had just forgotten. Had gotten stuck in a song writing mood where he’d forget all about time and space and was just creative. In the flow. Spaced out, but in a good way. Steve crossed his fingers that Eddie was spaced out in the best way.

But stepping out of the elevator, he walked past a sketchy dude, the type of smug, criminal-looking guy Steve would usually steer clear off, who he saw had left the door open to Eddie’s luxury apartment.

Inside Steve found Eddie on his couch, expressionless, sort of dead-eyed. He didn’t even look up until Steve accidentally kicked a glass bottle that clattered loudly against the floor tiles, and even then it didn’t really seem like Eddie was fully in his body.

“No, no, no, no… Eddie, what the fuck,”

There were fresh coke lines on the table in front of Eddie and bottles just, everywhere. Some empty, some still somewhat full.

Fuck.

Eddie had relapsed, and he had relapsed hard.

The place looked ransacked, like Eddie had partied for a full week and hadn't let the cleaners in. There was just, shit, all over.

Eddie barely even heard Steve, but there was a shimmer of recognition in Eddie’s eyes when he saw him, followed by a disconnected smile.

“Harrington,”

Steve had never seen anyone like this. In this state. He knew Eddie had problems with alcohol – everyone knew of the alcoholism, it had been widely reported before. Just like everyone knew of his stint in rehab. And sure, Eddie used to deal a little in high school. They'd get high on bad quality weed together on Fridays sometimes, but Steve never thought that Eddie was the type of dude to snort actual lines of cocaine off tables. Especially not in his own home. Especially not by him fucking self, alone.

Shit, Eddie had been so good. He’d taken responsibility for the bad things and he’d been so good about everything.

“Forgot about dinner?”

Steve knew logically Eddie probably didn’t know what time it was, or even what day it was. He was about to miss another one of his own gigs, for fuck's sake. But the mention of food did something to Eddie.

Steve saw Eddie grow green in real time whilst he stayed overwhelmingly calm.

He’s about to hurl, Steve thought, suddenly panicked because Eddie’s place only had expensive furniture, the type of stuff Steve could never afford. And Eddie remaining so deeply calm only fucked with him more, because, why wasn’t Eddie rushing to a toilet?

Eddie leant forward slightly, only a little, and was just going to throw up right where he was sitting, so Steve darted around, found a sort of long vase stood in a corner and planted it right in between Eddie’s legs. Eddie immediately started filling it up, emptying his full stomach contents until Steve was sure the vein on Eddie’s forehead was going to pop and his throat had to be absolutely aching.

“This isn’t… fuck man, what are you doing? What happened?”

Eddie spit into the vase a few times, wiped a hand at his watery eyes, then at his mouth and sort of... babbled something. Steve could barely follow any of it, none of the noises sounded like actual words, until he caught your name. Eddie said your name and Steve thought Eddie was about to throw up again, but instead, Eddie looked at Steve and seemed a little more present. Sad and fucking hurt, but present.

“Ed… you can’t be–”

A heartshattering sob burst from Eddie's chest.

Eddie broke down and let himself fall onto his couch, curling up into a ball as he cried. Maybe it was the realisation of it all. Maybe it was Steve being there and Eddie being able to see the sheer fear in his friend's face. Or maybe it was just that it had been six consecutive days of this bullshit and he'd barely slept.

Steve looked around, sort of… defeated. Everything was a mess. The apartment had drugs and booze all over. Eddie was drunk, had coke crusted around his nose, was sweating, was crying and was sick. It was all fucked up. He had a gig in two hours. Steve needed to call people. Steve needed to get help. Steve needed to call someone, get help and...

He needed to get rid of all of the shit.

If Steve was going to help, he needed to start with getting all the substances out.

“Here, come on,” Steve took hold of Eddie’s arm and pulled him up. Helped him into the bathroom and sort of, propped him up next to the toilet with his back pressed against the tub. Then placed a glass of water next to him.

“Small sips,” he instructed, not even sure if that really was what was best.

Eddie's cries sounded worse in the bathroom, and Steve didn’t know what to do. Eddie’s voice echoed throughout the whole apartment now and sometimes, it was just wailing that turned into more vomiting, but then other times they were words, things like, sorry, I fucked up, I can't, I don't and your name.

Eddie kept crying your name and it made Steve aggressively wipe at his wet eyes all angrily as he collected bottles and other trash into garbage bags.

When was this shit going to fucking end?

When Steve called you, you let the call go to your answering machine.

You'd been crying and didn't need to talk to Steve right now. You knew Steve knew. Had heard from Matt, who had probably told him everything. Steve would say things like, I told you so. And, you brought this onto yourself. Shit you didn't want to hear. Truths you couldn't really face right now.

But when you heard Steve's voice on the tape, everything changed in an instant.

Steve's voice cracked, like he'd been crying and he sounded desperate. Panicked. Completely stressed out of his mind.

"I need you to come over, I'm sorry... I didn't want to call you, but you need to– I need you. Eddie's been... he's relapsed. It's bad. I don't know what– how I can–"

The phone clicked.

"Steve?"

You'd picked up , and Steve sighed a breath of relief. You were both sniffing down the line.

"I'm sorry," Steve said again.

"Where are you?"

"Eddie's apartment. It's... you need to know it's bad." Steve's voice didn't leave any room for questions. This was serious business. Steve would never call you over to Eddie's apartment if it wasn't absolutely desperately needed for you to be there.

"I'm on my way."

You'd never been to Eddie's apartment before, but you knew exactly where it was. Knew to steer clear of the area. Avoided it at all cost for a very long time, and found stupid excuses when Matt asked about it.

Steve buzzed you in and waited for you outside Eddie's front door. He needed to warn you extra before you were going to walk in, but stepping out of the elevator in a frenzy, you didn't let Steve stop you.

Just waltzed right in.

But the apartment was quiet, and it was just... messy. Kind of disgusting, actually.

You'd already been crying, emotions had been running high all day, so tears found you fast as you clasped a hand over your mouth. Steve caught up with you, said that he'd been cleaning for a little while already, but he didn't know what to do with the cocaine on the table, or the pills he found in the kitchen.

You sort of looked around in silence together for a moment.

This was insane.

You were scared Steve was going to say anything about Matt. About Matt finding out. About you and Eddie fucking in Nancy and Jonathan's bridal suite. But Steve said nothing of the sort.

"Corroded Coffin was meant to be on stage in an hour," with a broom in hand, Steve was a little relieved to now share the burden of all the horror he'd walked in on. He'd also called Eddie's manager. Said Eddie wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be able to make it. Everything told Steve that his manager knew. Understood. But nothing else was said, nothing about drinking, or drug use, and Steve thought that maybe they already knew, because Eddie also hadn't shown up for sound check.

"Where's Eddie?"

Before Steve could say anything, you heard someone cough and retch. Bathroom.

"Wait, stop," Steve tried, but it was to no avail.

You found Eddie, arms folded over the toilet seat, messy head of hair resting atop, heaving.

"My baby," you sighed upon the sight of him, voice cracked, immediately crying. My baby? Where the fuck did that come from? Somewhere deep within, you thought. It pained you on its way out, you could feel it pull up from the pit of your stomach.

Steve frowned at it. He hadn't called you over to let you fall back into old patterns.

Eddie heard you and dove down deeper into himself, moved away a little, but remained on the toilet seat still. Refused to look at you because you weren't meant to see him like this. Ever. Pathetic excuse of a person.

"Eddie?" your voice was soft, small and high-pitched as your throat constricted with emotion as you kneeled down next to him. Eddie turned away, and when you reached a hand to softly touch, not to startle, but to comfort, you felt Eddie was shaking.

Steve stood in the door of the bathroom and looked at his two friends. The two people who'd been his best friends for a long time. One hiding his face into his arms over a toilet bowl, the other now moving from her knees onto her butt to sit with him, resting her chin on the other side of the toilet seat, one hand touching his arm, thumb slowly rubbing dry skin, waiting for Eddie to acknowledge her presence. One of them pretending they weren't even there, the other desperate for a connection to be made. Both quietly crying; your lip quivering, Eddie's shoulders shaking.

If this moment wasn't encased in the most awful, absolutely horrid circumstances, in a bathroom that could really use a fucking clean, Steve would've thought it was almost sort of romantic.

But it was bullshit, is what it was.

Seeing the two of you together like this, something dawned on Steve. Something that he somehow had always known was now staring at him, right in his face.

This was just like when you were 18 and Eddie had been sick after a house party where he'd been laughed at, had been ridiculed by some jocks. You'd sat with him all night until you'd both fallen asleep in the bathroom where you'd left mascara streaks on the floor tiles.

Or like when you'd been in a fight with your dad and Steve and Eddie found you on the steps of Wayne and Eddie's trailer. You'd hidden in their bathroom all night with Eddie on the other side of the door, softly talking to you until Steve decided, this wasn't what he'd come over to Eddie's for, and had gone home.

Or like when Steve had thrown you a surprise birthday party when you turned 19, but Eddie hadn't been able to make it because of work, and you'd just sulked all night. Steve had put so much effort into the preparations, and then, all throughout the party, he had put effort into cheering you up.

It was always the same type of shit with the two of you. Always so much effort. And it was just, never ending. This was who you were. Three friends who just... had a lot of bullshit happening, all of the time. You and Eddie always with the drama, and Steve kind of always there to help. It was always the same story. This was never gonna be over.

"Eddie, what did you do?" you whispered, and your voice revealed a little fear, but it carried mostly care.

"He fucked up is what he did,"

"Steve," you scolded.

"Wha–... am I wrong?"

Steve's anger built. Completely inappropriate, you thought. This was a delicate situation. A situation you'd been completely kept out of before. All those times you hadn't answered Eddie's phone calls all those months ago. All those times Steve told you that, Eddie was going to be fine. He was going to be fine, at some point. Get the help he needed. Get over whatever the fuck he'd been doing. You'd protected yourself and you'd listened then. Trusted that Steve was right. Gained strength in yourself and didn't allow Eddie to be a part of your life.

You had felt guilty then too, but... never like this.

This was the type of guilt that made you pick up when Steve called. The type of guilt that made you not even question going over to Eddie's apartment. That made you want to fix things. Fix Eddie. Fix all of it.

Guilt was the main emotion of the day. The real star of the show.

"Well? Eddie?"

Steve stood in that doorway still, broom in one hand, the other on his hip. Brow furrowed. He looked like his mom and his dad simultaneously, which, you weren't going to mention. You had no death wish.

"You've been crying out for her for over an hour, so I got her for you. She's here. Now what?" Steve spat.

Frustration and fear accumulated into this anger cocktail that Steve was spewing out at Eddie. Inability and helplessness, the complete not-knowing-what-to-do of it all that really didn't help. And now Eddie hid away and pretended you weren't even there and it rubbed Steve wrong.

Steve threw the broom he was still holding which landed hard on the bathroom tiles, making you flinch, before he left the two of you alone. Went back to the kitchen. Started furiously clearing counter tops. Had to not see you for a second.

"Eddie," you whispered, hoping that maybe he'd look up at you this time. Look you in the eye. You recalled how just over a week ago you'd been so dismissive of him. Heartless. Tried your best to come across it, at least. When you still thought that if you let Eddie in, he'd come between you and Matt, not realizing that... Eddie had sort of always been in between you and Matt anyway.

Cold and heartless was not the version of you that Eddie needed right now. And it wasn't the version of you that you wanted to be for him.

Eddie made small noises. You thought maybe he was going to say something, but then you saw his whole torso tense up, making Eddie hunch his back as he threw up again. Your hands were fast to push back his hair, collecting it behind his head into a ponytail that you tied with a hair tie you found near the sink. It revealed his face to you. Bloodshot eyes. Pained expression. Wet from crying. Awful skin.

Jesus Christ, it had just been over a week.

Eddie looked dead if it wasn't for blotches of colour that heaving brought to his face.

Not much came out of him. It was mostly just bile, by now.

Eddie struggled through it, stomach muscles spasming, nose snotting, eyes streaming and you had curled yourself around him all the way, like a backpack, pressing a cheek against his shoulder blade. You held him like that for a while, not really knowing what to say, or what else you could do.

A sudden loud clang made you turn your head. You caught a glimpse of Steve walking away, a huge big stinking vase now placed behind you.

"Rinse that out," Steve called out.

Yes. Good. A task. You could help by rinsing out what was very clearly a vomit filled vase, but when you were about to get up, Eddie clasped a hand onto your forearm.

"Stay," Eddie trembled.

"I'm staying, not going anywhere,"

You squeezed Eddie, carefully, but tightly. He seemed to need it.

"Just gotta clean something. I'll do it in the bath, I'll be right behind you,"

Eddie breathed heavily, tried his best to control it, to relax his stomach and not let it spasm, and let go of you. Rinsing out the vase in the bath was disgusting, but looking at Eddie helplessly sat by the toilet still, you couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of wanting to take care of him.

Wasn't that what it had always been?

Eddie would come back to Hawkins to be taken care of. And you always took care of him without asking any questions. Loved it. Loved him. Just couldn't stand him leaving every time.

Vase clean and turned upside down to drip-dry on a towel, you turned back to Eddie, stepped closer to him and that's when Eddie reached back, took hold of your leg. Tugged your jeans, pulled you down, turned a little, found handfuls of your shirt and pulled and tugged until you were sat on the floor in front of him, legs curled around his hips and his around yours. Arms folded around his back, and his strongly around yours. Embracing each other, impossibly tight, clinging, like that would cure everything.

Eddie cried again, buried his head into your neck. He smelled really bad.

"You're such an asshole," you said, your own lips quivering again. You kind of meant it, but hoped it would bring a little comic relief too.

"I'm a fuck up," Eddie agreed.

"You're both bullshit," Steve suddenly deadpanned and it made the both of you turn your faces to look at him.

"I was thinking, I really shouldn't say anything, because who am I... you know? This isn't my business. But then, you made it my business." Steve rubbed his brow, frowning deeply, clearly annoyed.

"Steve, let's not–" you tried.

"No. Let's!"

Steve crouched down right in front of you, elbows on knees, eyebrows raised high and nostrils flared. This is what Steve did when he was angry and had things to say. He'd get real close before he'd scold. Would make sure that you really heard what he had to tell you.

"I don't care what the fuck is going on here right now, between the two of you, but I'm done with it. It's always the same type of shit with you, like I'm stuck in a loop and there's no way out! Fucking groundhog day!" Steve got back up, intimidatingly towering over you, both hands in his hair before he continued.

"I'm not gonna come 'round and listen to you bitch and moan about why Eddie left this time," Steve said as he gestured a hand at you. Then he turned to Eddie. "I'm not gonna tell you–" Steve suddenly closed his eyes, breath shaking, trying real hard to keep it together. "You can't even fucking look at me straight, dude,"

Eddie was still drunk.

"I'm not gonna do it anymore. You can figure shit out for yourselves. I'm done." Steve turned, was about to walk out, but you stopped him. Said, "Steve, he relapsed," like that magically excused everything. But Steve stopped in the doorway, turned his head a little and said, "Yea, but so did you. Eddie with alcohol and whatever his dealers will sell him. You, with him."

Steve walked away. You thought maybe he'd just go into the kitchen again, but when you heard the front door slam shut, you knew he'd been serious.

You looked at Eddie.

Steve was right. Eddie had no control over what his eyes were doing.

"Let's get you clean. Then, bed."

Eddie obliged. Happy someone took the lead for him. Happy you took the lead for him.

But Eddie wasn't so happy the next morning, when he woke up at 4AM, sheets drenched in sweat. He was fucking freezing. You hadn't been able to sleep much and had set up camp in a comfortable chair that you'd moved to sit closer to the foot of Eddie's bed, where it was easier to watch TV. Volume all the way down.

"You should leave," Eddie croaked when he saw you.

"You should sleep more,"

"Slept plenty," Eddie tried sitting up, but was quickly fought back into the mattress by his own nausea. The pain in his head, in his stomach... he knew just the fix for it.

"If you think you're going to be able to find anything, I threw all of it out. Vacuumed up whatever you had lying around, washed everything else down the drain." You said it a little shaky, unsure of how Eddie was going to react.

Eddie thought for a second. He could definitely stick his nose into a dusty dirty vacuum, didn't feel like he was particularly above that type of behavior.

"There's nothing here, so go back to sleep," you were trying to fight off sleep yourself. Wanted to be awake in case Eddie would... in case something would happen.

Three days passed where you didn't leave the apartment. Three scary days and four scarier nights of caring for Eddie, never knowing if what you were doing was right, but doing them anyway.

You cleaned, finished Steve's job and made the place look tidy. Mess free. Aired it out, let Eddie complain about the cold that you skillfully ignored as you worked. You'd thrown all of it out. All the booze, the pills, the coke, the one discarded dirty syringe you found that you really hoped somebody else had used - you'd gotten rid of everything.

You asked Eddie if he wanted water, tea or a nap every time you caught him awake. And every time he'd sort of, frown at you. Didn't need your soft care, just needed a bit of... anything to take the edge of, but then, he always took you up on it. Always had a sip of water, maybe a little bit of tea and then would lay back down, always tried to go back to sleep.

Eddie slept a lot, but pain would wake him at odd hours. Always covered in sweat. Always shaking. Sometimes you'd worry he'd be sick again, but he'd growl he was just hurting.

Anger seeped out through his skin, and you knew it was never aimed at you, but you'd secretly cry once Eddie would drift off again.

On the second night you'd stayed over, you'd woken up on Eddie's couch around 1AM, went to check on him, and found Eddie drinking his mouthwash in the bathroom.

"Eddie?"

"Oh, shit, fuck–" Eddie scrambled to close the bottle, to hide it from you.

"What are you..." you took a small step back, scared of what you were witnessing.

"Don't leave," Eddie said, voice already cracking, afraid that you'd actually walk out now.

You took another small step back which urged Eddie to launch himself at you, arms encasing your strongly, Eddie's damp body pressed harshly against yours in an uncomfortable hug. One you didn't participate in.

"I'll get you a change of clothes," was all you managed to say when you felt how clammy he was.

Eddie sobbed and muttered things about how pathetic he was as you helped him freshen up. You sat him down in a chair as you changed his sheets. He had to stay close, couldn't really be trusted to be left alone, not even in his own apartment, apparently.

"Go back to sleep," you said when you'd finished, and you wanted Eddie to lay back down in bed so that you could sit in that chair he was sat in now, and watch him. Hold guard. But Eddie sort of looked up at you, and you thought he was going to say something. Something sweet, maybe. Something important. But then you both heard his stomach churn, and Eddie had to make a run for it.

He threw up the mouthwash, bright blue vomit clattered into the bath. Eddie seethed with anger, told you to leave him alone. "Don't want you to see me like this," he cried, and he promised he wouldn't touch the rest of the mouthwash, but yelled at you as you washed it down the drain with shaking hands.

Eddie cried. Vomited until it was all bile again, and you urged him to eat.

"Eddie, what if you die?"

"I won't fucking die,"

"You drank mouthwash!"

Eddie retched more, unable to stop it and unable to quite believe people could feel pain like this.

"You wanna go back to rehab?"

Eddie looked at you as if to say, is that a threat? You looked at him, and your expression read that it was a threat. Eddie didn't want to go back to rehab. Really, really didn't. Couldn't have you near him, but absolutely couldn't have you far. He reached for you, scared fingers dug into your skin, and you held him whilst he held on.

On the third day, you'd gotten Eddie to have a little soup and a few bites of an apple slice. Quite a bit of water, too, and Eddie seemed calmer then. Seemed to finally have snapped out of his mood.

You sat up on top of the covers in bed with him, and put on Pretty Woman.

"I'm not watching that big mouthed wench," Eddie had objected. Didn't want to watch romantic comedies with you. Happy people with happy faces and huge fucking smiles.

But you pretended you hadn't heard him, kept the movie playing until you were both sat against Eddie's headboard leant into each other, Eddie's head resting upon your shoulder and your cheek pressed into his hair.

This was nice, you thought. Almost like old times, a little.

Eddie would cramp up in waves. He'd be fine for a while, lucid, and present, and then suddenly, he'd be writhing. You always had a bucket ready, and helped him through it. Eased him back into his pillows, and would climb back into bed next to him. Always over the covers.

It was awful, but this was the process, you thought. It was complete misery, all kind of gross and disgusting, and Eddie was mortified but grew clingy. Needed you there. And so you were, but always over the covers.

That was, until Eddie, when the movie was nearly finished, groaned a little. His face was blotchy, eyes all red rimmed and his hair a tangled mess. You forgot what Eddie looked like without his bangs stuck to his forehead. He always seemed to be wet.

"You all right? What do you need? Water? I can make you more soup,"

"No, I'm just... cold,"

Eddie let his teeth chatter, and you looked around the room for a second.

"Eddie, it's fucking boiling in here,"

"Can you turn the heating on?"

The heating was on.

You took a good look at him. He didn't look as grey as he had a few days ago, but he still looked miserable. Sick like you'd never seen sickness before.

"I'll run you a hot bath,"

You helped Eddie ease into the water and sat on the ledge behind him, Eddie between your legs, so you could wash his hair. Eddie always loved it when you washed his hair, would really melt under your touch as you massaged soapy suds into his curls. But, his hair was one bit bird's nest, and so now, it was an agonizing job that needed doing. You were as gentle as you could be, but Eddie would wince as you worked to detangle the matted mess in the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry, baby,"

"Why does everything hurt so much?" Eddie let his arms wrap around your calves and broke your heart as he silently cried.

Eddie let you wash him until he was all clean and then let you braid his hair after. His hands hadn't left your body since you'd helped him into the bath, and you hoped that it meant that he was over the hump. That this was a turning point, and everything was going to get better now.

That night, you'd slept with Eddie under the covers. You big spooned him. Held him tight. Whispered that everything was going to be fine, and the fact that Eddie didn't seem to be so sweaty confirmed that you were probably right.

It was all going to be fine.

At some point, Eddie turned and tried to kiss you. He pressed his lips onto yours, and for a second, you sort of let it happen. Let your mouths brush together. But it didn't feel right. Eddie was vulnerable, and you were exhausted, and it all felt wrong. So you stopped it. Broke the kiss. Moved your head away a little.

"Let me love you," Eddie whispered. "Let me love you like you always love me,"

"Later, Eddie. You're unwell,"

"I'd be yours, if you'd be mine," Eddie's voice cracked.

Beautiful words that made your chest swell. But these weren't things to dive into now.

"Later, baby. These are things for later."

You didn't reject Eddie, but to Eddie, it felt a little like a rejection, and he buried his face into your neck. Hid in there and kept it there, all snuggled up, until you both fell asleep.

The next morning you stirred awake at 8AM which really felt like sleeping in at that point. Eddie was bone dry. No sweat. No tears. You even detected a little colour in his cheeks.

It was time. Eddie had eaten, had managed to keep it all inside and so, it was time.

You'd done enough.

Home.

You slipped out, wearing one of Eddie's T-shirts still, and didn't leave a note. No dumb, stupid note. None of this was cute, or funny, or in any need of a sad little note that Eddie could keep and then throw at you later. Or, like you'd done, could keep in an old shoe box with other stupid things that you couldn't just get rid of.

You just left. Went home. Sort of trusted that you'd see Eddie later. Maybe. If he really had changed, was willing to at least try to change, like he'd said.

"I'd be yours, if you'd be mine."

You wanted it to be true so badly, but his actions were going to have to speak louder than his words.

You forgot what would be awaiting you at your apartment until you actually stepped inside and were greeted by your own mess. Drawers pulled open, half your clothes on the floor, big empty spaces left where Matt's things used to be. Slapped down and broken picture frames - completely your doing, not Matt's, but glass had shattered and you'd just... left it. You had even ran a bath for yourself, and then had let the soapy water sit and grow cold, because you didn't really deserve a bath, did you?

You remembered how you'd found Eddie's voicemail message two days after he had left it, listened to it with Matt in the room, and listened to it until you heard Matt pick up the phone. The tape had caught his voice, but then it cut off. Matt knew now, but Matt was just as non-confrontational as you were, and had known for two whole days. Hadn't said a word. But the truth had now been spoken into existence with the both of you looking at each other, and there was no way either of you could pretend still. Could pretend to not have heard it. Could deny any of it.

"What else did he tell you?"

It was the worst question to ask Matt, because it revealed there was more to your and Eddie's story than you'd ever told him.

"Enough," was all Matt said, never elaborated.

So, that was it then.

You'd sat on your couch, sort of dazed, stared into space, not even able to really cry even though this was a situation that deserved tears. Then Matt slowly started packing up all his things around you. Matt had stuff all over, hadn't technically moved in with you, but really only ever spent one, maybe two nights a week at his own place. Matt didn't move around with anger, but left the place messy, dropped your things on the floor without caring to pick up after himself. Good, you thought. Stand your ground, Matt. I deserve shittier treatment.

Just before Matt had walked out, he'd said, "If it had to be someone, it's pretty cool that it was Eddie Munson."

It was just like you'd fucking said all along: Matt was too good for you. You didn't deserve someone like Matt.

Self-hatred, absolute vile loathing of every single aspect that build your person, completely consumed you. Regret. Shame. So much guilt. You felt like you needed to hurt yourself because Matt hadn't hurt you enough. He hadn't yelled, hadn't shouted, hadn't said mean things. You only started crying once Matt was gone, and that alone added to all you had to be embarrassed about.

And then Steve called and offered you the greatest distraction of all. Eddie needed taking care of. And Steve was going to let you.

Back in your home now, it all came flooding back, and you sort of fell into the same state you'd been in then. Slumped back on your couch. Crying. Drowning in a weird version of self pity, sort of overwhelmed with how shit it all was. Steve mad. Eddie a mess. Matt gone. You empty. Alone.

You just sat like that. Stared into space, tears running all the way down your neck into the collar of one of Eddie's T-shirts you were still wearing.

Then, your doorbell rang.

You looked at your buzzer a minute, not really moving.

It rang a few more times, until it stopped.

A little bit later, footsteps followed on the stairs, and then, a knock on your door. A muffled mention of your name.

"Eddie?"

You got up, opened the door and found him there.

"I rang different doorbells until someone let me in," Eddie explained, but you didn't really react to that.

Eddie was here.

Actions were going to have to speak louder than words.

He was here.

Eddie looked over your shoulder, behind you, eyes scanning your pigsty of an apartment.

"Oh, shit," he commented, looked at your tear-stained face that was still staring up at him, gaze empty, because that's how you felt. All empty.

"Okay. Come on, your turn. Go sit down." Eddie took you by the shoulders and guided you back to you couch where you let yourself fall back on your spot.

"Tea?" Eddie asked, and then answered for himself, "Tea."

Eddie made you tea. Then started tidying. Cleaning. Just started putting everything in places where he thought they belonged. Did things wrong, but you didn't correct. He took broken picture frames, threw out shards of glass and tucked the photographs into a drawer. Ran a laundry after. Emptied the bath and rinsed and scrubbed the soap rim the water had left behind. Dishes next.

Eddie was sweating, more than was normal, and you knew he was struggling still. Probably felt sick to his stomach. But he was here, and for the first time in for fucking ever, you felt your battery charge with Eddie there. Eddie was charging your battery instead of draining it. Weird, but this was it. The thing. Eddie said there had to be something he could to do fix it. This was it. Eddie was fixing it.

Eddie saw you had three messages waiting on your answering machine, then told you, "Hey, you've got three messages waiting on your answering machine. Want me to play them for you?"

You nodded.

They were all from Steve.

"Hey, are you still not back home?" followed by a heavy, frustrated sigh, "You're going to end up killing each other, you know that right?", then a silence, followed by a loud beep.

Second message.

"I hope you're not answering because you're at work, and not still wiping vomit of Eddie's chin..." a beat, then, "You're like the wrong sides of two magnets who try to keep pushing themselves together. It's not gonna work!" another loud beep.

Third message.

"If you're not answering because you don't want to talk to me, I get it... I shouldn't have called you over to Eddie's place, I didn't know what I expected to happen, but... I spoke to Matt, just that afternoon, and he... sort of explained what happened, and, seeing you and Eddie be all cutesy– it made me mad for him. Matt's a good dude, you know he didn't deserve that... but guess what he said? He was like, this is going to be the best story ever – Eddie Munson stole my girlfriend. Can you believe that?" Steve fell silent for a second, then said, "Sorry I yelled at you. Please call me back when you get this... I'll call again tomorrow if you don't."

Loud beep.

No more messages.

Eddie just looked at you, tried to gather your reaction, but you were giving him nothing.

"You OK?"

With your eyes trained on your coffee table, you gave your head a tiny shake no.

"You wanna nap? Lay down for a little bit?"

They were words you'd said to Eddie many times over the past three days. Instead of answering him, you slumped sideways, rolled yourself up in a little ball, knees against your chest. Eddie immediately stepped closer, took a throw blanket and tucked you in.

"Can I lay with you?"

Eddie hovered, but you didn't answer. Couldn't answer, your throat had closed up with all these negative emotions, all of them aimed at yourself. You didn't deserve softness right now. So then, Eddie didn't lay with you, but instead sat down in a chair. He could just sit there while you slept. Not touching, but, he was close. That was all he wanted, anyway. To be close.

You woke up when your phone rang.

Eddie was quick, tiptoed to the phone as fast as he could and hoped it hadn't woken you up.

"Hello?" he answered, voice hushed.

There was a silence on the other end of the line, and then, "Munson?"

"Harrington," Eddie smiled a little smug smile, happy he caught Steve on the phone.

"Yea?" Steve asked, and Eddie knew what he meant. "You're actually doing this?" Steve challenged.

"I think we might be... well, I am, anyway. We'll see if she'll let me."

Steve laughed, but it was humorless. It said, yea, we'll see about that dipshit. Eddie understood. Therapy had made him understand that everything was going to need proof. He'd ruined trust with everyone. This was nothing new, especially not now that he'd relapsed.

"I swear to God, Eddie. I'm not-"

"I know. I heard you the first time."

Steve scoffed.

"You seemed pretty out of it then,"

"I was," Eddie confirmed. "But you were very clear,"

"No fucking it up, Eddie,"

"I won't."

"Remember? Be mindful."

Oh, Eddie remembered.

"Hey Steve?" Eddie swallowed, knew his words weren't enough, but needed to say them anyway. "I wanted to say I'm sorry, and, um... thank you... you didn't have to, you know... just, thanks."

"You're good. Is she there?"

Eddie turned around and saw you were awake.

"Just woke up, hang on - it's Steve, you good to talk to Steve?"

You held a hand out as you sat up, knowing the cord could easily make it to your couch, and Eddie passed you the handset as he sat back down in his chair.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing out of your mouth, voice all strained.

Steve was silent for a second. He couldn't just accept that and move on.

"You were right. I'm total bullshit," you admitted.

"Hey," Eddie frowned.

"Sorry, we're total bullshit,"

That wasn't what Eddie meant, but that did make him smile. You heard Steve sigh.

"You're not bullshit. I actually think, and this is going to sound fucking wild coming from me, but I talked about it with Robin and she agrees... I think you actually might just be perfect for each other,"

Eddie was close enough to hear Steve on the other end, and he placed a hand on your knee. Let you know he agreed, too. He really fully fucking agreed.

"Stop, you're going to make me cry," you joked, but actually meant it.

"You gonna let Eddie comfort you this time?" You could hear Steve's smile in his voice, could picture it perfectly and copied it.

"I think I might, he's doing a fairly okay job right now," you looked at Eddie. "You've done plenty, Steve,"

Passage of the token. Eddie squeezed your knee.

"I love you, but..." Steve searched his mind for the right words. "But, you're just... a lot, the both of you,"

That made you laugh. He was fucking right.

"Could you still handle, like... 50 per cent of me?"

Eddie leant over, whispered, "Ask him if he can do 40, I'll easily do 60,"

"40?" you asked Steve, and Steve laughed.

"30 and it's a deal,"

Eddie heard, loudly said, "I'm not watching romantic comedies with her, dude!"

"All right, all right. 40."

You laughed and loved how it felt to laugh together, all three of you. You couldn't remember the last time the three of you laughed together like this.

"Love you Steve,"

"I love you too. Hey, is it weird if I come over? We could do a late lunch, maybe?"

Eddie took the phone from you, said, "Yea, no, that's gonna be weird,"

"What? Why?" Steve was confused, but it only lasted a second. "Oh gross, you're going to be open about fucking now, aren't you?"

"Bye Harrington,"

Eddie didn't even properly hang up the phone, but had simply dropped it to the floor instead before moving over to kiss you.

He then fucked you right there on your couch.

Afterwards you'd looked around, had said, "We're even now," and Eddie had burst out laughing. "Oh no, sweetheart, we're far from even. Are you forgetting who caused you all this trouble?" Eddie said, and when you just looked at him. He then pointed a fat finger at himself.

"Yea, but, did you not reach for a bottle after what I said to you?"

You'd placed blame for his relapse fully with yourself, and Eddie gasped, couldn't believe you were actually being serious and hugged you close.

"Baby, I'm not the way I am because of you. It's because of all the..." Eddie waved a wild arm around.

You understood.

"Foundations for this shit show were laid long before I'd ever even met you," Eddie kissed into your hair. "Don't you ever say anything like that to me again. We're not even. I've got a lot more work to do, trust me."

And so you did. Decided you were going to trust him.

Eddie got more help. More therapy. More AA meetings. More keeping busy with other hobbies, like cooking. And baking. He made sure he'd see you every day, would never stray too far, even though you literally lived above and worked in a bar... this was never going to be easy. But Eddie had you, and he promised he'd take care of you and of himself.

You found a way to be together, and then, seemed to never not be together. Joined at the hip again, but without Steve this time 'round.

Steve came over all the time, though. Visited at least once a week. For lunch, or for dinner. To watch romantic comedies with you, and Eddie would join, just because actually, if he didn't focus on her mouth too much, Julia Roberts wasn't that terrible of an actress.

The band had taken a short break, and Eddie had decided they should be open with the public about why. Said it would actually help a lot if people knew about how difficult addiction could be. Would make it less of an awkward conversation whenever he had to explain to people he was actively practicing sobriety.

And Eddie did good. Got real good at all of it again. Had good days, and then good weeks. He felt more and more himself, and Wayne recognized it too. He kind of had his nephew back, said he'd missed him a lot and hadn't known if he'd ever really would get to see him again which had made Eddie cry.

Eddie was doing good, and Eddie knew a large chunk of it was because he had you now.

But then, after a few months of doing good, touring was back on the table, and Eddie immediately grew nervous.

Loneliness was Eddie's biggest trigger, and it wasn't being alone that was an issue, because on tour, you were never really one hundred per cent alone. There were always people all over. Everywhere. All the time. The real issue was the feeling of being alone, especially when surrounded by so many. Eddie's cure for this dull ache of loneliness had always been a lil' drinky drink. Just, a little sippity sip, a tiny little drop. Just one drink, you know, to take the edge of.

Eddie knew this about himself, and so, he was nervous. Scared. Sort of, riddled with anxiety.

You'd suggested some form of training. "We can sleep apart from each other for two consecutive nights, only call each other when we can find the time, just to try it out? See what that does? And then if that goes well, do three or four nights next..."

At 3AM on that first night, Eddie had snuck his way into your apartment and into your bed. Hugged you real tight, like he'd been gone for months.

"That was only a few hours," you'd croaked after checking the time.

"Few hours too many," Eddie'd whispered.

"How are you ever going to do this?" you were more awake then, wanted to have a talk. Face this head on.

"I don't know. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't cling to you so much," Eddie said, worried you'd judge.

"That's all right," you were quick to make sure he didn't feel any judgment. "I quite like being clung to,"

"I promise I'll get better at this,"

"It's going to take time," you warned, knowing tour started just over a month from then.

"Someday, I'll be better." Eddie snuggled closer, eyes closed, tired.

Someday didn't come fast enough, just like you'd predicted, and so, with some creative paperwork and serious conversations with your landlord, your boss, Eddie's management and the band, arrangements had been made.

Eddie needed you there. And you had your own thing, your own personal problems, serious issues, with Eddie leaving. So, it really worked out for the best for the both of you. The solution to both of your problems was one and the same. You were going to go on tour with them.

"Did I not tell you that you're perfect for each other?" Steve had said with a goofy smile when you told him.

You became part of the Corroded Coffin entourage, not with any other specific job than just... being there. It took a some adjusting, because Eddie was different when he was Eddie Munson of Corroded Coffin. There were certain expectations, and Eddie felt like people wanted him to fall into his rockstar patterns, do the things he always did when out on the road. Go to parties, bring parties back to hotel rooms, invite who ever seemed like a fun time onto the bus, drink a lot. You had no idea how Eddie would've even done this if you hadn't been there and, you'd never tell Eddie this, but you were convinced that he probably would've killed himself.

You slept on the tourbus together, had tried to squeeze into one bunk together, but that was only really doable for naps. There wasn't enough room to even roll over without shifting and scooting your whole body when you laid in a bunk alone, by yourself, so doubling up was never comfortable for long. Not for the long stretch of rest Eddie needed after shows. That's when you'd sleep on bunks opposite each other. You would remind each other how many more nights until you'd share a hotel bed again, and then let the rumbling of the engine and the gentle rocking of the bus lull you to sleep. You'd close the curtains to your bunks enough, but never all the way, always leaving a gap so you could see each other.

And sometimes, even the small distance between your bunks was too much distance, and Eddie would reach out a hand from underneath his curtain. You'd grab it and then you'd fall asleep holding hands that dangled in the middle of the walkway.

Everyone else hated it.

"This is worse than when they'd sleep on top of each other in one bunk those first few days,"

"Close your eyes and go to sleep, man. You don't have to look at it,"

Salty comments would come from bunks beneath you, and from behind your curtains, you'd smile sleepy smiles at each other.

Happy.

Eddie was so happy. So sure that this was it now.

Not perfect. Far from perfect actually. There were going to be hard days to struggle through, difficult moments he wouldn't know how to deal with.

But he knew you were going to be there. Was so very sure you'd be there. And he'd be there too.

Eddie was happy.

Had his past with you.

Cherished his present with you.

Felt sure about his future with you.

And that was all he'd ever really need. You.

the end

---

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veemunson86 · 3 months

Text

I see you everywhere

Pt 3, love of my life.

Series masterlist

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:��｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

it was Steve's idea, to write a letter to Eddie and burn it. you thought it was cheesy but decided to give it a shot. the heavy weight your heart felt for him ached more and more every day which was causing unwanted stress. going into the 8th month of your pregnancy began to become unbarable without him. all you wanted was to feel him holding you late at night, but he couldn't, and that alone was a crushing feeling. at first you thought it was a horrible idea, but when you were missing him extra one day, you finally found the right words.

" my dearest eddie, today marks almost 8 months since you left me. it still hasn't gotten any easier. everyone says it gets better, but when? i miss you like crazy. i still wear your ring, but its too big for my hand so i have it on a chain i swear around my neck. i wonder what our wedding would have been like. i wonder how you would have raised our beautiful baby girl, would you have played her music to help her sleep? everywhere i go, its like you're here with me. i see you everywhere around the house that would have been ours. i wake up to what would have been the side of your bed, and its like sometimes i envision youre laying next to me... your hair a big frizzy mess. i find myself doing that a lot, thinking youre here with me, that maybe, just maybe you'll come back to me. but you wont, and that's when i snap back into reality. you're gone. its still hard to say out loud. our baby is growing so fast. she has a strong heartbeat. i remember when i would lay my head on your chest when we would be on the couch, or laying in bed. it was my favorite thing to listen to. that day when i held you, i felt your heart slowly give out, and a part of mine died with you that day. everyone here says ive changed, and the truth is i have. the y/n i was died when you did, now I'm just the shell of the girl i once was. the shell of a girl who lost the one person she truly loved. but i wanna change, that's why in writing this. i wanna change for our girl. i wanna be the best version of myself i can, for her. it scares my thinking about having to do this alone, but i know I'm not alone. i have the kids, and steve, nancy and robin to help. they go with me to every appointment. i know she is gonna be so loved by them, and that makes me happy. i decided on a name. remember when we talked about a family of our own one day? we wrote down names that we would want for our kids. i found that notebook when i moved your stuff in here. our house. just like we wanted. 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom. big backyard, with a small swimming pool. it wasn't easy, but i had help. my parents and your uncle helped me until i could get up on my feet. i moved your stuff here, part of my thinks youre gonna show up one day. our bedroom is perfect. we both have a nightstand, i have pictures of us together o your side. i know it all sounds stupid, but its comforting. i have a few of your shirts in the closet, they still smell like you. i always loved that smell, like cinnamon and weed. it makes it feel like youre still here. i open up our closet and that's the first thing i smell, it smells like home. like you. i picked our girls name, i decided on Amelia. shes gonna have your last name. i set up her nursery with the help of steve, dustin, and max. her little room is adorable. i have a light pink crib, and above it there is her name smelled out in wooden letters. there is little ducks on the wallpaper, as when i went through my first nesting phase i didnt know the gender yet. there is a fuzzy white rug right by her crib, and a rocking chair so i can feed her in there. i wish you could be here to see it, but alas, youre not. so i guess this is my final goodbye to you. steve said writing this and burning it would give me piece of mind, and i think hes right. so goodbye my love, i will love you forever, please watch over me and our baby. i love you."

and with that, you folded the paper in half, throwing it in the fireplace, watching as it slowly turned to ash.

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withacapitalp · 1 year

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Countdown Pt 3

Part One Part Two

Tw: Slight suicidal ideation and general grieving

--------------------------------------

They only carry a couple things with them on the run.

Surviving the apocalypse isn’t pretty, and it’s easier to make a quick escape if they’re always traveling light. Essentials only, with a few sentimental items so they don’t completely lose their minds.

Nancy had her journals, Max had her skateboard (even if she couldn’t use it right now), Will brought a pack of colored pencils, and Steve was pretty sure Hopper had somehow saved a half a pack of smokes.

And Steve….Steve has a shoebox.

It’s an old thing, held together with duct tape and decorated with sharpie doodles. Wayne had given it to him right before he left town, along with the necklace that Steve kept around his neck every moment of every day.

He’s never let any of them look in it. They think he’s insane, but they’re not the ones with zeroed out timers.

This shoebox is all he has left of his soulmate.

What’s inside would seem like junk to most people. A handful of rocks of varying size, shapes, and colors. A leather cuff with spikes that Steve had immediately put around his timer wrist to hide it from view. A matchbook from a gay bar in Indianapolis, a Spalding bouncy ball. Some hand-sewn patches with logos he didn’t recognize, three different mini figures, a dozen faded beautiful photographs, and a single mixtape.

Only Robin knew about the mixtape. He had only told her in case they needed a song for him. That mixtape was the only thing in the world that had the song that could save his life.

But the most important thing in that box was the letters.

He read one every night. He had promised himself he wouldn’t read more than one. It was routine. When it was his turn to be on watch and the rest of their family was sound asleep, Steve would open his shoebox, pull out a letter, and read it.

The first one is probably his favorite. It was written in dark red marker on yellow construction paper, the edges ripped and torn with age. The marker bled through the back of the paper where the child who wrote the letter had pressed down too hard, and Steve could imagine the way his fingers must have stained from the ink. Blood red. The same way his fingers were stained when he died.

7/4/1971

TWO SULMAYT,

HI.

I AM EDDIE MUNSON. I AM FIVE YEARS OLD. I LIKE TRUKS. YU SHUD LIKE THEM TO. WE CAN WATCH THE BIG TRUKS!

WHAT IS YUR NAMY?

BIE

LUV EDDIE

P. S. I HAD A NANA FOR BRIKFEST. YUM.

There was a picture of two giant monster trucks under the words, and a tiny thing Steve assumed was a banana under the postscript. Steve keeps that one tucked in his jacket pocket, just in case he ever loses his bag or his precious shoebox.

He keeps the first in his side pocket, and keeps the last one in the breast pocket right above his heart

6/13/1986

Hi Love,

The first one says ‘Two Sulmayt’ but every one after that starts with ‘Hi Love’.

Steve can’t help wondering if Eddie would have eventually called him ‘Love’ if they had gotten more time.

Well, if you’re reading this, then I guess my plan to be the one that lived really didn’t work out. Damn, that sucks. Probably a little bit more for you than for me.

I don't know how you dealt with knowing we only had five days, but I thought it was kinda fucked. Like damn, really? Five? The universe sure has a funny sense of humor, doesn’t it, Love? Or maybe it just hates me. That is also a very real possibility.

Maybe. But if the universe hated Eddie, then it must hate Steve more for making him continue to live. For giving him other people to love, people to care about, people to force him to not give up.

Anyways this is how I dealt with it. If you only get five days to have me, I’m going to make sure you know me. Or know who I was at least. One letter a month for the last 12 years, and a bunch of random one off ones from when I was little. Before I lived with Wayne it was kind of catch as catch can with paper and stuff, and I was also like seven, so how many letters do you really want from a seven year old who still can’t spell ‘Difficulty’?

I know how to now, by the way. Mrs. D, Mrs. I, yada yada. Do you ever wonder why all those women are married? I think that’s stupid. Forced conformity, even in our nursery rhymes.

That joke always made Steve laugh. He’s read this letter so many times it’s starting to come apart at the creases, but it still made him pause and chuckle.

Anyways. This is yours. Eleven letters a year for twelve years is one hundred and thirty two. Adding in the ones from before, it’s probably around a hundred and fifty. It’s not the same as having me around, but if you spread them out, you might get thirteen years or so before you have to start rereading them.

Or read them all in one sitting. Do whatever you want.

Steve had counted. It was one hundred and forty one. He read one new one a night, because every single day they survived seemed like a miracle right now.

He only had seventy three more left.

Not like I can stop you, haha.

That’s probably not as funny to you as I want it to be. Sorry, Love.

It wasn’t funny. Not in the slightest. Steve wanted Eddie here, wanted him to tell him to wait. He wanted Eddie to write him more letters.

Oh, I also included a bunch of stuff I thought was too cool to lose, and a mixtape with songs that I wrote for my band. I thought you might want to get to hear my voice. It’s probably stupid, but you don’t have to listen to them if you don’t want to.

Steve listened to it. They had been forced to scrounge up new batteries for his walkman three times because it kept dying.

Everything in this box is yours, Wayne has strict instructions to give it to you. And, anything of mine Wayne doesn’t want is for you too.

Wow. A whole trust fund of trailer park trash. Some people leave their soulmates huge inheritances. I left you rocks and pictures and a shit ton of letters. Aren’t you lucky, Love?

He was lucky. He had seventy three more letters. Seventy three more reasons to survive another day.

After that…Steve wasn’t sure if he would be lucky anymore.

Now if you’re good at math- which I hope you are, because I’m terrible at it- then you might be saying to yourself ‘Is my soulmate an idiot? Does he not know there’s twelve months in a year?’

No. I’m actually incredibly smart, even though my grades don’t really show it. I rewrite this top of the box letter every year on my birthday, and then I burn the last one. It’s a fun, extremely morbid, tradition.

I’m 20 today, Love. I wonder how old you are a lot. I hope you’re close to my age at least. Maybe you’re like fifty years older than me, and I meet you when you’re on your deathbed, and that’s why we only have five days.

They had only gotten five days because Steve hadn’t just taken Eddie and run. He should have just told Eddie to go as far from Hawkins as possible the second he realized. Fuck the rest of the world, fuck stopping the apocalypse. The best part of Steve was already dead.

Two whole decades, but somehow I’m still in high school. I failed. Again. I wrote a lot about it in my letter last month, so I’m not going to talk about it again. Suffice to say I’m pretty bummed. I mean, c’mon, even Steve Harrington managed to graduate last year, and that guy barely even went to class during senior year.

That part of the letter always made his stomach turn. He hated the reminder of all the wasted time, the little nudge that always told him it was his fault they barely had any time.

If he had only looked up.

Oh, well. This one is it. ‘86 baby! I’d say I want this to be the year I meet you, but I really want to graduate, so maybe hold off for just one more year? Stay wherever you are for just twelve more months, Love, just to be safe. Then I can put a picture of me flipping off my principal in this box for you. I’ll add my diploma in too, just to prove to you I did it.

Eddie wasn’t going to get a diploma.

If you wait a year, I’ll give you twelve more letters. So just wait one more year. By then, I think I’ll know what to say to make this better. I’ll know what to do to fill the gap I know you’re going to have. I’ll have something to say that will fix all this. I say that every year, and I never do, but hey, ‘86.

Nothing anyone said would fix this. Nothing Eddie could write would fill the hole left in Steve’s soul. Nothing.

I’m sorry.

I say that every year too.

Steve didn’t want apologies. He didn’t want letters. He didn’t want a hard to hear voice on a single mixtape.

He wanted Eddie.

Well. Happy birthday to me. One more year without meeting you. Eleven more letters. You better be doing something just as nice for me in case it's you that bites it, or I’m bringing your ass back just to kill you again.

Steve didn’t care if Eddie killed him. Eddie could reappear right now and immediately shoot Steve and he would die happy. He just wanted one more minute. Just a little more time.

…Wait just a little bit longer. I’ll have better words next year.

Can you do that for me, Love?

P.S. You should read the first letter I wrote to you, just to appreciate how eloquent and charming I am in this one.

Eddie called him ‘Love’. Eddie asked him to wait. Eddie wanted to have the right words. He wanted to live long enough to save Steve from his own broken heart.

Steve wishes he had waited.

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rollerskate2theface · 1 year

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5+1 five times someone noticed Steve Harrington liking men and the one time everyone noticed he loved one

1 Steve

Steve never really put much thought into who he was attracted to. Girls were easy he didn’t even have to try for them to be all over him, really it’s just a matter of convenience.

Nancy was like that at first, all flustered and flirty. But he could tell it was all some sort of act even if she didn’t know it. He was proven correct after Nancy’s whole “bullshit” stunt on Halloween. Steve really couldn’t even blame her, he knew he was bullshit.

Going after girls only girls because it was convenient? That sure seems like bullshit to him. So, he began to actually acknowledge things. Like how no other guys on the swim team seemed to admire each other’s physiques or how Tommy never seemed to understand Carol’s constant ramblings about how hot Mel Gibson is.

Steve always knew he just began to actually act on it, ya know, occasionally.

2 Erica

The first to notice was surprisingly Erica Sinclair. Well, maybe not so surprisingly considering she seemed to make it her goal for the summer to have his complete and undivided attention. Seeing as he was the only thing between her and 4x her weight in ice cream.

“Hey Nerd what could possibly be more interesting to you, a costumer service employee, than me, a costumer?”

Without looking at her Steve spoke, “You’ve come in everyday for the past 3 weeks and have only bought 1 single scoop in total. He however,” Steve pointedly looked at a guy in his early 20’s licking a drop of melted ice cream up his hand and back to his cone, “seems to be very content with his purchase.”

Erica huffed “barf me out, if I wanted to see some narbo make goo goo eyes I would’ve just stayed home with Lukie and Max.” With that Erica made her way out of the shop in hopes of getting more free samples from Hot Sam’s pretzels.

2.5 Robin (sort of)

Robin didn’t really get Steve Harrington. First he showed up to work on Robin’s first day with that hideous sailor’s costume on before introducing himself to her as if they weren’t in the same class an entire year and romantic rivals. He acted kind enough despite his near constant complaining.

There was also those damn kids that Robin couldn’t comprehend belonged to Steve. They had the guy wrapped around their little fingers, it was honestly kinda pathetic -maybe she should make another board. He was always giving them his company provided scoops they were allowed during breaks.

“Need to stay in shape; no high school athletics anymore. Plus those kids are skinny as twigs,” he’d brush her off.

At first Robin thought it was just the kids he was giving his free ice cream to but then she’d notice how he missed the payment of a couple of guys around their age that had come in.

“Hey Dingus! You forgot to charge them, I’ve seen you do that twice now!” Robin was annoyed if Steve kept doing that they’d both get written up.

“Don’t worry, that was my ice cream mark out,” Steve said offhandedly.

That made Robin stop, those didn’t look like any of the guys in King Steve’s posse of friends. “Why’d you give them your mark out? Do you know them?” Robin’s curiosity beat out her annoyance at the older teen in front of her.

“Nope! Let’s just say I’m hoping for a good tip,” Steve tossed out as he winked and walked into the back room.

This idiot most people tipped at least a dollar even when they had to pay… whatever it’s his mark out.

3.5 Dustin

Say what you may about Dustin Henderson but he was a scientist at heart. So, when he began to notice things about one of his favorite people he decided he needed to test his theory.

“So, uh, Steve,” Dustin threw out while he and Steve were listening to music in the older man’s family room. Steve was jogging on his fathers treadmill as Dustin wrote his letter to send to Suzie in the mail.

Steve gave an uninterested ‘mmhm’ in response.

“Will’s been complaining about how all the party has girlfriends but him-”

“You go easy on him middle school’s hard enough without a bunch of dickwad friends and relationship drama-”

“High school, Steve, we start high school in the fall. No more middle school baby shit for us!”

“Yeah yeah whatever just lay off Will. Not everyone is interested in romance so young,” Steve finally finished once their bickering stoped.

Dustin scoffed, “No that’s just Mike, he’s the only one being weird about it. But anyway that’s exactly what I was about to ask! When did you start showing romantic interest?” Dustin preened himself on his subtlety.

Steve looked surprised at that, “Oh! Well I guess I really started liking people romantically in 6th grade. I mean I had my first girlfriend in 7th grade,” he snorted, “if you could even call it that, we just held hands at recess and gave messages through friends…”

Dustin tuned the other out. ‘People’ damn that was a bust alright new approach.

“Yeah yeah uh huh sooo, Steve? Which Star Wars character do you think is the hottest?” Dustin asked thinking back to the film he’d watched the night prior.

The treadmill stopped as Steve sighed and turned to face Dustin, “dude I keep telling you I’m not going to watch your geeky movie.”

“How dare you! Star Wars is a cinematic masterpiece! I-” stay on track Dustin don’t jeopardize the experiment, “whatever who do you think is the hottest actor from one of your lame rom-coms then?” Okay, so much for subtlety.

Steve raised an eyebrow at that -oh no he noticed- he walked over and plopped down on the floor next to Dustin, “Alright, what’s going on why are you acting weird?”

“What? I’m not acting weird? I just,” another unconvinced look, “Ugh fine. I’ve just started to notice how you aren’t only flirty with… with just girls anymore… Which is totally fine! Cool! Awesome even! I just, I wanted to find out if I was… right? I don’t know, now I sound like an asshole.”

Dustin isn’t sure if it’s a good sign or a bad sign when Steve began to laugh. His laughter died down after a couple seconds, “you’re a strange kid, you know that? But to prove- confirm your hypothesis or whatever. Yes I like men, and women, both I like both,” Steve stammered. “You’re actually the first one I’ve said that to.”

Dustin grinned twisting to hug Steve from where he was sat beside him. A thought just occurred to the almost high schooler, “ This means double the potential set ups.” This sentiment was met with a groan and a plead of not needing that.

4.5 Mike

Mike Wheeler has been told he’s at that ‘difficult’ age in puberty -gross- where he’s mad about everything. Well if you ask him it’s pretty freaking easy to be mad at everything including how his mom sold his bike at a yard sale because, “You’re too big for it now Michael you can barely ride it. This money is going towards a new one you’ll just have to save up.”

Hence why he’s waiting for his ride who’s currently working in a too cold, too bright shop, with an annoying smile on his face talking to some long haired weirdo with like 8 different chains hanging off his pants and a black bandana sticking out of his back right pocket. A weirdo that’s been here for over an hour making Steve stay late. “Steve! We were supposed to be out of here 12 minutes ago! Hurry up!” Mike yelled tapping his watch as though Steve could see it from across the store.

“Hold your shit Wheeler we’ll be out in a minute,” Steve yelled back earning a bark of laughter from the weirdo. Mike heard Steve start to finish up speaking with the- costumer? Actually, Mike doesn’t think he ever saw that guy even order anything.

Feeling curious Mike meandered towards them trying to catch the end of their conversation.

“-my house or yours tonight?”

“Wayne has tonight off so he’s gonna be hogging up the trailer soooo”

“Yeah yeah my place just remember no blasting music in my neighborhood the Inslee’s are already this close to calling the cops”

“Oh yeah, and heaven knows what we’ll be up to when they arrive-”

“Shut up! Alright I gotta go see you in a couple hours Ed!”

With that Steve and Mike exited the Scoops Ahoy walking through the food court and out the mall towards Steve’s Beamer where it sat in the mall parking lot. The two settled in, Steve making sure Mike had his seatbelt on before pulling out. From the passengers seat Mike eyed Steve trying to decipher what he had heard the two older men in the mall talking about.

Giving in Mike gave an annoyed huff admitting he was actually interested in something to do with Steve Harrington. “Who was that guy and how often do you have sleepovers?” he asked.

This was met with shifty eyes and a soft laugh from the older teen, “who? Eddie? The guy from the mall? He’s no one, just a friend,” there was a strange tinge of guilt in his voice.

“You shouldn’t do that.” Mike said firmly staring out at the road in front of them.

This made Steve confused turning to look at Mike before redirecting them back to the road, “do what?”

This made Mike even more pissed. “Lead people on. You and I both know you like girls, you’ve dated girls, you dated Nancy! Did you not care about her? Did you not love her? I know you broke up or whatever, but she definitely loved you once, I can’t believe you faked the whole thing!” Mike had tears welling in his eyes.

The car came to a slow as Steve pulled over to the side of the road, “woaah hey man I did- I did love your sister. Sometimes I think a little more than she loved me. I was never lying about what I felt for her.” Mike sniffled. “And yes, I do like girls always have, still do. But, I think you may have noticed,” Steve attempted to joke, “I’m also of the uh, male persuasion? Ugh that sounds gross. Men I like men too.”

Steve expected some backlash after the start of this conversation and was surprised when he was met with Mike’s odd look of clarity. “You- you can like both?” The younger boy asked. Steve hadn’t heard him sound so small since he saw him take care of an unconscious Will during their last run in with monsters.

“Yeah, you can like both.”

5 Robin (yes again)

Okay so Steve Harrington wasn’t that bad. In fact he was kind of cool. And not like popular, eggs cars and makes out with chicks under the bleachers cool. But genuinely a cool dude that basically saved her life, well, with the help of a couple children.

Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was the probable head trauma, maybe it was even the thrill of actually escaping a secret Russian base but Robin felt like she could tell this guy anything. Which probably wasn’t great considering her… situation.

The two teenagers were sitting in the bathroom heads hanging over toilet bowl rims. They were joking around but the girl knew she didn’t want to be asked any heavy or revealing questions not when she didn’t have complete control of her mind so instead she asked Steve.

“Have you… ever been in love” she’d asked after some thought. This should be easy enough for him, he’s known for his prowess with the ladies.

She received a small cackle from the stall next to her. “Yeah a couple of times. Nancy Wheeler my first love I went insane for that girl, first semester senior year,” Steve made a gun motion shooting into his heart, “honestly I’m glad I had what I had with Nancy and also glad that it ended? If it hadn’t I would’ve never been with who I’m with today, the person I think I want to spend the rest of my life with,” Robin could tell there was a smile of his face when he’d said that.

Wow Robin really hadn’t expected that confession, she was honestly a bit worried he might admit to liking her. Who would’ve thought Steve Harrington tied down. “How’d you know?” Robin asked she’d never been able to think that strongly about anyone not even Tammy who she’s had a year long major crush on.

Steve sighed, “I don’t know… He just makes me feel happy and excited whenever I’m near him.”

Robin’s breath hitched when she noticed the pronouns he’d used, okay she definitely wasn’t supposed to be told this, he wasn’t in the right state of mind, neither was she. And yet, she couldn’t stop him; it felt so good to hear about someone like her actually being happy and finding love even if it was surprisingly Steve Harrington.

“He’s a lot different than everyone else I’ve dated, but he’s also different from everybody else in general so I guess that makes sense. He’s dramatic and weird, and impossible to look away from. I still can’t even believe he likes me back.”

Hearing Steve talk about his boyfriend gave Robin the confidence to tell him about Tammy much to his great judgment which they joked about until Dustin and Erica barged into their little sanctuary of a bathroom.

+1 Everyone

If you ask anyone, that day after Vecna was defeated the whole party piled into their meeting place at the hospital. They wouldn’t tell you the first thing they noticed was a limping Dustin crying silently as though he could no longer make sound from screaming so loudly. It wasn’t Robin walking through the door with a broken guitar in her arms. It wasn’t even the boy bleeding out, unconscious, clothes ripped to shreds.

No, they’d tell you they’d noticed Steve Harrington sobbing as he yelled for ‘someone anyone please help him please my Eddie please help him somebody Eddie please Eddie’. He held Eddie Munson in his arms as he ran through the hospital begging them to save his Eddie.

Eddie was taken into surgery immediately and nobody could think of what to say to Steve. He was hunched over in a small waiting chair right outside Eddie’s operating room.

It was Joyce Byers freshly off a death helicopter from Russia that kneeled down in front of the boy. She held his hands in hers as she said, “he’ll be okay. He knows your out here waiting for him. He won’t leave you.”

With that Steve slumped forward onto her as he began to sob.

Eddie came out of his first surgery a couple hours later but the doctors informed he was likely going to be in unconscious for at least a week. Steve stayed with Eddie and his uncle in the hospital everyday refusing to leave. The kids filtered in and out checking on Eddie and Max a few rooms down. Without fail Steve had his chair pulled up right next to Eddie’s bed just watching him.

Dustin talked to Eddie, a lot, so did Robin. Eddie probably liked that, both Wayne and Steve didn’t talk much. Preferred to sit in silence watching for any sign that the comatose boy was improving.

The day Eddie did wake up most of the party was there including Nancy, Jonathan, some guy from California, the youngest Sinclair -Lucas didn’t want to leave Max alone- a couple Russians, his uncle and his boyfriend. When Eddie slowly opened his eyes he looked towards Steve sitting directly to his left.

“Hey Stevie, I tried to be a hero. Sorry,” his vocals were strangled from lack of use.

“You should be sorry! You are such an idiot! God I love you, never do that again.” Steve then pulled Eddie into a searing kiss in front of everyone. Not that anyone was surprised.

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xmalfoyweasleyx · 1 year

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All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Based on The Great War - Taylor Swift and my tiktok story (you can watch it for some visualisation, it has multiple parts)—> my taylor swift songs masterlist

Summary: What happens when they find out that every person, killed by a monster, is stuck in the upside down? You were killed by the mindflayer weeks ago, but your grieving boyfriend Steve finds out you’ve been trying to survive in the upside down all this time. They try to find you but Steve is filled with guilt and realizes some heartbreaking facts about it all.

Warning: angst, blood, grieving, death -> happy ending! 2k words

I used pictures of Steve because there’s so much pictures of him I imagined when I wrote this <3 Enjoy xx

My knuckles were bruised like violets Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked Spineless in my tomb of silence

Steve Harrington stared blankly at the photograph sitting on his nightstand, his girlfriend, Y/N, smiling back at him. The pain in his chest was still unbearable, and the weight of grief hung heavy upon his shoulders. It had been almost 1 month since Y/N's tragicdeath, killed by the mind flayer

The once confident and popular high school hero had become a mere shadow of his former self. He had lost his infectious smile, his carefree attitude, and the spark that made him Steve Harrington. And before he could even grieve properly, there was already some new kind of misery happening in Hawkins. But it wasn’t like before, Steve just couldn’t get involved in it all. He really wanted to help his friends with this Vecna stuff, but he couldn’t do it.

Countless nights of nightmares, waking up screaming, were now slowly fading away. He was getting better. At first, he couldn’t believe she wasn’t there anymore. He couldn't believe he would never kiss her anymore, never hold her, smell her. He wanted to return when it happened, he wanted to make her live again. But after some days he started to realize he shouldn’t have that kind of hope. He finally accepted it. The love of his life was gone, and he didn't save her.

A knock on the door interrupted Steve's thoughts. He sighed, stood up and opened the door to find his best friend, Dustin Henderson, standing there with a mix of excitement and trepidation on his face. Max, Robin, Nancy and Eddie were standing next to him with the same excitement. “What are you all doing here so smiley?" Steve asked, his voice tinged with a mixture of surprise and curiosity. He tried to seem okay, he always did even though he didn't see them that much anymore. "Dude, you won't believe what we found," Dustin exclaimed, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. "I think… I think Y/N might still be alive." Steve's heart skipped a beat, hope surging through his veins like an electric shock. His mind whirled with disbelief and longing. "What are you talking about? How is that even possible? I swear to god if this is some stupid prank, you are way out of the line” Steve rambled with a weird feeling in his stomach. “It’s a long story, we went to a crazy prisoner and stuff, but okay that doesn’t matter, we found out that every person, killed by a monster from the upside down, might still be alive and isn’t really killed, but just stuck in there, haunted by these creatures." Steve didn’t respond, he couldn’t find the energy. He could only sit down on the edge of his bed, staring blankly in front of him. This couldn’t be true, it must be a dream. Or maybe they were wrong?

Uh-huh, tears on the letter I vowed not to cry anymore If we survived the Great War

It went silent. All the others were so excited but Steve didn’t have one emotion on his face. Even though on the inside, he was exploding with thousands of feelings. Nancy sat next to him with a look of sympathy on her face. “I know this must be very hard for you, not to forget incredibly confusing. But you have to believe us, if we find her she might still be there, your Y/N,” she said, delicately laying a hand on his shoulder. “We have no time to lose, she might have survived, but she’s still in there with all those monsters” Eddie added nervously. That’s when they all started rambling to each other, pulling out maps and flashlights. That’s when Steve finally realized, they were making up a plan. They had to go into the upside down. She was alive. It was all true. It wasn’t a joke. As much as he wanted to help, he was still frozen on his bed. And as if he wasn’t feeling bad enough, another big wave of guilt washed over him. He could have saved her all this time. “Are you okay?” Nancy asked. “I gave up on her” Steve said with a flat tone. “No no Steve, you can’t blame yourself, no” she shook her head. “All this time, when I was here crying, full of self-pity. She was there, hurt, haunted, trying to survive. And I didn’t help, I didn’t look for her, I didn't go back” he said, tears in his eyes. “Steve… we saw it happen, she had a funeral, you thought she was dead, we all did,” Nancy whispered gently.

All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, the bombs were close and

My hand was the one you reached for

The air of the upside down was thick with an oppressive silence as Steve cautiously navigated the eerie, distorted version of Hawkins. Robin, Nancy and Eddie are close behind him. The once-familiar woods and streets were now tangled with overgrown vegetation and crumbling buildings.Steve's heart pounded in his chest as he sensed a presence in the darkness. He could hear the faint fluttering of wings, growing louder with each passing moment. His grip tightened on the bat as a swarm of weird bats descended upon him.

They suddenly attacked them from all sides, their piercing screeches filling the air. Steve swung his bat fiercely, striking at the relentless creatures, but their numbers seemed endless. Behind him he heard screams and groans from his friends. Steve fought valiantly, but the bats' relentless assault left him disoriented and on the defensive. His heart raced as they attacked his now muddy and bloody body, leaving scratches that stung with each strike. He stumbled backward unable to find an escape route.We’ve lost, he thought. We’re never going to find y/n and we’ll die here too.

And that’s when the creatures suddenly stopped and looked around, they seemed distracted by something.“Come on, catch it” they heard a voice in the distance scream. The distant shadow threw something far into the woods, the material was immediately followed by the bats. They flew away like nothing happened.The shadow ran closer to them and that’s when Steve saw her.

Her pretty face was scratched up, her hair all messy but still with the same beautiful shade of y/h/c. She looked at them like she'd seen a ghost.“Y/N,” he sighed. “Steve? How did you find me” she answered with tears in her eyes. She rushed to his side and embraced him tightly."I thought I lost you forever," Steve whispered, his voice choked with emotion.Y/N held him even tighter, her voice filled with both sadness and hope. "It was horrible Steve, luckily I found some ways to distract all those creatures.. but.. but..” She stuttered, finding no words to explain. For weeks now, y/n believed they would never find her, that they would forget about her and move on.

The couple stood there, both at lost for words, hands grabbing each other like they could get separated again. Steve was mesmerized. All this time grieving her and thinking about her, he already forgot how pretty she really was. How soft her hands felt on his skin and how her smile felt so warm and familiar.“Steve you’re hurt” y/n’s worried voice interrupted his thoughts. That’s when his attention went to the stinging feeling in his stomach. Steve felt dizzy when he saw all the blood dripping from it.“There in the woods, let’s patch him up there” Nancy points.

Steve leans into the rocks, closing his eyes and groaning. He eyes closed automatically and he tried his best not to faint.“Heyheyhey, keep your eyes open sweet boy, look at me” he heard y/n’s voice. When he opened his eyes he tried to focus on the beautiful y/e/c he'd been wanting to look at for weeks now. “You’re beautiful” he whispered with all his last energy.“Here use this” she heard Nancy say behind her. She handed her a piece of fabric. “Thanks” y/n nodded.“Okay Stevie, this is gonna hurt a little” she prepared him. But Steve’s pain eased already a little when he heard her say Stevie to him. She stroked his cheek, hesitant, but lovingly, not sure at what point in their relationship they’re standing now.Butterflies fluttered in Steve’s stomach, but the feeling went away quickly when he felt the material against his wounds.Steve groaned, he focused on y/n’s face, finding comfort in it. She was standing close to him and it was incredible how, even in this situation, her touch and presence could make him want her so bad. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to touch her, he wanted to show her how much he loved her. A sexual tension, the electricity hangs in the air. “There you go” she whispered, staring longingly into his eyes.“Y/n.. I-“ Steve tried but got cut off by Eddie, “Okay you both can talk and fuck this ,whatever it is, long build up tension off later, but now we gotta get out of this freaking place”.“You’re right, please take me back home” y/n sighed with a mixture of fear and excitement.

Broken and blue, so I called off the troops

That was the night I nearly lost you

I really thought I lost you

On their walk to find a way out, the mood in the woods felt cold and dark. Steve and y/n were walking next to each other in silence. The boy didn’t know what thing to say first, he tried to come up with the perfect thing to say but he couldn’t.

“I heard you, you know?” y/n finally said. Steve didn’t get it at first, but then he realized. Everybody who knows about the upside down, knows you can hear the voices of the people on the other side if they’re in the same room. Will did. And he also… oh shit... He also communicated with the lights. Did y/n.. did y/n do that too?

Another big wave of guilt washed over Steve.

“I heard you in your room, at night when you had nightmares. I heard you fighting with Robin about what happened. I heard you getting better.” She confessed. She probably heard everything, Steve thought. “Please don’t tell me that you tried to contact me through the lights and that I didn’t notice,” Steve answered. Y/n stayed silent, which said enough.

“Oh god” the boy sighed with a sad tone, disappointed in himself.

“I gave up after a while. I listened to you for a long time, it gave me comfort. But you never noticed the lights flickering. I can’t blame you Steve, I heard how much pain you were in. But then I stopped listening. You got back on track with your life and I thought… I thought I was going to die here eventually” y/n confessed. They stopped walking and Steve looked at her with the most guilty and sad eyes she’d ever seen. He was wondering how he could ever forgive himself for this.

“Did you… ever… like.. find someone? When I was gone?” She asked hesitantly. “What do you mean?” Steve didn’t understand her. “Like, did you fall in love again? If you did I would understand, I mean I was pretty dead and you were alone and-“ she mumbled stressed. His heart breaks at the way she nervously toys with her fingers. “Heyhey stop stop, of course not. I could never. I- I still love you too much, okay? Don’t worry, I… I l still love you” he comforted her, not getting how on earth she would think he could fall in love with someone else so fast.

“I lov-“ y/n tried but she got cut off by a sudden dizziness. “Are you okay? Y/n?!” Steve exclaimed. “It.. it happens sometimes these last days.. it’s-“ and then she fainted. Steve tried to catch her but he was too late.

Eddie, Robin and Nancy turned around quickly when they heard the sound.

“What happened?!” Robin screamed, worried.

“She just fainted, said it happens sometimes” Steve answered while pulling her body on the ground closer to him.

“It must be from being in here for so long, this air is kind of toxic” Nancy concluded.

“We need to get out of this place” Steve nervously said.

I vowed I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

Y/n woke up, surprised by the comfort of soft pillow under her. Her body ached less and her eyes hurt from seeing light in after a very long time. And it didn’t smell horrible anymore, it smelled great. She inhaled the sent that smelled like home. The moment your body relaxed you realized it was Steve’s smell, his house. That’s when you saw room. You were finally back. “That wallpaper is still terrible” you sighed jokingly. Steve laughed. Y/n’s eyes started to water a little, “I’m back home,” she cried happily. “You’re back home” Steve nodded stroking her hair.

That’s when Steve promised he would never give up on her again. She would be his wife, the mother of his children, his for ever companion and so much more. If survived this, they could survive anything.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #stranger things #stranger things x y/n #steve x you #steve harrington fluff #steve x reader #steve stranger things #joe keery #steve

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thestrangestthing89 · 2 months

Text

Kind of funny how few one-on-one scenes Mike and El have with each other. The leak of their S5 moment is likely the last one-on-one scene with them, at least for a while since they follow a pattern.

S1 - They spend 1 day in Mike's house together where Mike gives her a tour and then his mother comes home. He finds out she has superpowers and is tied to Will. This is not only one of the few times they are alone but it's one of the few conversations they have that isn't about Will. And considering it's about a La-Z-Boy I wouldn't consider that a win. Every other scene with them involves someone else around, usually Dustin and Lucas. They talk by the train tracks but Dustin and Lucas are a short way in front of them. The end of the season they have another moment one-on-one (with Dustin and Lucas close by) about the Snow Ball and Nancy and they kiss. S2 - El spies on Mike and Mike is sort of aware of it but it's really only her that knows so it's not really a one-on-one moment since they aren't both conscious of it and they aren't talking. They don't interact again until the end of the season. Their reunion is in front of everyone. El tries to kiss him but Hopper stops her. They later go to the Snow Ball together. Again, there are people around. S3 - They make out in the beginning of the season and Hopper is there and mad about it. It's implied they were alone for a month in the cabin and everyone is bothered by this. It's not a good thing. They have one conversation over the phone and El knows Mike is lying and Hopper and Karen are involved in this interaction so not exactly a private moment for them. They spend most of the season apart or they are together with the group. They talk at the supermarket when she gets injured where Mike confuses her like he did in S1 before he kissed her. It's a chaotic moment that gets interrupted by Dustin and El has no idea what he's talking about. Their next moment with just the two of them is when El and the Byers are moving out and El decides they are getting back together. Mike doesn't participate much in this conversation because El is now confusing him. S4 - El is somewhere else for 6 months where it's implied they wrote letters but El isn't happy with those letters and it seems like there is maybe 1 letter a month from Mike. And they are pretty basic letters judging by El's unhappiness and the v.o. letter we hear. Mike and El have one scene together just them and it's a fight. They are separated the rest of the season. They reunite and attempt to have a conversation at the pizza place but get interrupted because there is a lot going on and this isn't private. So following this pattern... Mike and El will interact briefly in the beginning of the season, be separated for the middle of it, and then reunite with the rest of the group at the end. The first season they separate because of a fight, the second because El runs away, the third because they broke up, and the fourth because they fought, broke up, and El ran away. I am positive that Mike and El are already broken up at the end of S4 even if we haven't gotten confirmation of this. I suspect that that leaked scene is more about them re-establishing some kind of friendship. I think it's plausible that they drift apart a bit during a time jump considering how bad their communicating is and how sick of each other they are at the end of S4. So I think this scene is them starting to talk and trust each other again, and then them spending the middle portion of the season apart like always. And reuniting to actually work together at the end of the season. This show has never spent much time developing a deep relationship with these two so I don't think they would suddenly start now. I think this would just be the start of a new friendship for them. And from what we know of filming so far, El isn't with Mike and Will's group. The characters tend to separate into smaller groups for most of the season and then unite at the end. It seems like El is with Lucas, Dustin, Max, Erica. At least from what we have seen so far. I would be surprised if Mike and El were suddenly spending all this time together. There isn't suddenly a need for it in the final season when there is so much else to cover.

Most of their moments together aren't private. There is always someone else around and their moments lack intimacy. Most of the couples on the show do have more private moments when other people are around - Mike and Will's conversation in the van about the painting, Nancy and Jonathan getting together at Murray's, Hopper and Joyce flirting when they are at the mayors house. It's a horror movie so there aren't going to be cutesy moments that seem like they are out of a rom com. There is going to be tension at least around them. But Mike and El's moment are always full of fighting, miscommunication (they did not reach an understanding in the train track scene in S1. El proved she didn't get it in S4), or El running away shortly afterwards. The tension comes from them not outside of them. I think this scene in S5 could be different than this because they already fought at the end of the season - they aren't talking and are rolling their eyes at each other. They are broken up or at the very least neither of them cares about this relationship enough to fix it. Which is why I think it's likely it could be them establishing a genuine friendship for the first time. Like the train tracks in S1 but with them both actually reaching an understanding this time and listening to each other. They got some space over a jump and now can talk. But it's also just not realistic for them to suddenly be BFFs just after this so it does make sense that they still spend some time apart but I think we could get a moment at the end where the two of them are actually working together (perhaps to help Will? since that seems to be the thing that unites them.) I do think it's also likely at some point in the beginning of the season that the younger kids are all together. So I think we may get Mike and Will joining the El/Lucas/Max/Dustin/Erica group at some point before the whole group reunites.

#byler #anti mileven

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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 1 year

Text

The Trouble With Love

Part 3

Read Part One here

Read Part Two here

Summary; Steve just wants to forget the pain of losing Nancy for a little while, the tension between the two of you explodes.

Warnings; Angst, Steve is heartbroken, kissing, start of a no strings attached relationship, lil bit smut, 18+ Minors go away!

A short lil update !!💕💕

Tags; @loving-and-dreaming @mrsjaderogers @micheledawn1975 @heyyimmisunderstood @alycunningham @mxcheese @eddiesguitarskills @curiouslycontainedchaos @that-simp-sin

Lmk if you want to be tagged :)

💕💕

I can't do this anymore Steve, I can't do us anymore.

I'm so sorry. I'll be at my parents for a little while if you need to contact me.

I just need some space, not forever but just a little while.

Nancy

After Steve received the note he threw himself into work. Even just being at home was painful so he spent most of the time in his office.

If he wasn't there then he made sure Robin, Vickie and Anna were over so he could stay distracted and busy.

On top of all of that he couldn't stop thinking about you, that one brief kiss that felt like fireworks.

He shouldn't feel this way but he did and he felt like the guilt was eating him alive.

Everything was a mess and he didn't know what to do or how to fight these feelings.

Between the guilt from that and the pain inside him from Nancy leaving all of his emotions were so immense that he just wanted to forget everything for a while.

The nights were the worst. They were cold, lonely and he finds that he can't sleep. He keeps running through his mind what he could have done different, what he should have said.

Why couldn't Nancy have spoken to him, told him that she didn't want kids and had clearly been feeling that way for a long time?

They were married, communication was vitally important yet she couldn't tell him this.

Did she tell Jonathan? Was she seeking comfort with him these last few weeks? Emotionally?

Was this forever? Nancy said it wasn't but who knew what could happen or would she come back?

Even if she did it didn't change the fact they both wanted different things in life.

His head was splitting, he was stressed, tired and feeling like a failure.

He just needed to forget.

❤️

You know that you should stay away, that a the right thing to do but the minute that you see Steve get out of his car, looking so lost and forlorn your heart breaks for him.

Robin had briefly mentioned about Nancy leaving Steve. You couldn't believe that she wrote that she was leaving him in a letter.

He needs a friend so that is exactly what you'll be.

"Steve" you call out and he smiles briefly before it falls from his lips.

"Hey"

"Robin told me about Nancy. I am so so sorry Steve" he sighs as he opens the door and invites you inside.

"Should have seen it coming I guess? We've been arguing for months now and it's just been getting unbearable but I thought we could get past it all"

You don't know what to say that could help him or make him feel better so you gently rub his arm.

"Then on top of all of that I can't stop thinking about our fucking kiss" he rubs his head and you gape, thinking you may have misheard him.

"What?" he whips around and he huffs, shaking his head.

"You've fucking bewitched me or some shit because I can't stop thinking about you! You're everywhere and I can't escape you, when we argue it feels like every part of me is on fire, I look at you and all I want to do is kissing you again and again"

The tension is unbearable, Steve gazes at your lips and you move closer.

"We can't Steve, we..." you trail off as he strokes your cheek and every part of you so badly wants to kiss him.

"I just want to forget sweetheart, all this pain...make me forget" he whispers to you.

When his lips meet yours this time you don't don't stop, his hands grip your hair as you kiss hungrily.

His lips are everywhere, at your neck, over your body, fingers stroking your cheek, his lips trace over your jaw and neck.

Soft moans issue from the both of you, Steve backs you up against the wall, he almost rips you shirt off as he throws it to the floor along with your bra.

"Jesus" he says awed and he

You tug off his shirt running your hands across his chest, leaving kisses and love bites over it.

"Do you know what you do to me?" he whines and you lose all train of thought as he kneels down and begins to kiss up your thighs.

His eyes meet yours, they are full of lust, need. "You're so beautiful" he murmurs and as he kisses his way up to the apex of your thighs sheer pleasure clouds your brain.

If this is just a one time thing then you'll cherish it.

And rock his fucking world

✨🌸💕

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington angst #steve harrington x you #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington

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multi-writer · 2 years

Note

Can you do a part 2 on “tolerate it” where the reader doesn’t tell that she is cursed by vecna because she doesn’t think Steve would care anyways because he loves Nancy but she tells the others but not him and in the end reader dies.

Reader wrote the whole crew letters and Steve’s is the most saddest one out of all of the. (Pure angst just pure angst)

So Close. (Tolerate It Pt. 2)

Steve Harrington x Reader - angst

Tolerate it

Author´s note: I've been thinking for a long time how to continue with "Tolerate it" and no matter how much I wrote I wasn't happy with the result, but this idea has given me the answer, so thank you so much! I'll be honest, I've been in the mood for pure angst so this request brought a wicked smile to my face. I'm going to base it on “So Close” by Jon McLaughlin (It´s my favorite Disney song but its really sad lol) because it fits the angst I'm looking for perfectly. I changed a bit of the request to fit the narrative but still hope you like it anon!

You don't need to read the first part, but if you want a little more pain go ahead. I hope you like it!

warning: mentions of death, gore and pure angst.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Even on my worst day, did I deserve babe,

All the hell you gave me?'

"Music!" cried Steve in desperation as he looked at you, "Bring music!". Steve gently cupped Nancy's cheeks as he continued to talk to her.

Everyone ran all over Eddie's trailer looking for some solution while you stood watching the two of them with an empty feeling in your chest, you didn't know if it was your heart breaking even more or if it was the pain of watching your friend suffer. After a few seconds, you were able to come out of your trance and with almost robotic steps you started to help the rest of the group. Eddie and Robin were yelling at each other on the side about what was considered music. Lucas, Dustin, and Erica were in another room looking under the furniture for something that might be useful while you and Max were searching near the front door.

While you were looking through things, you could feel something warm on your lips, as you put your hand under your nose you felt a liquid substance. When you looked at your hand you could see blood on your fingers leaving you in a state of shock.

Max, seeing that you were not moving, turned to look at you to ask why you were standing alone, but your gaze on your hand and the small drops of blood falling from your nose made her stop. You turned to look at her slowly then gave the girl a small smile to calm her down.

"Easy..." you said in a shaky voice. "I always get nosebleeds from stress... it happened yesterday too" you finished as you turned to talk to the metal lover. "Eddie! Where is your bathroom?"

"The door in front of the entrance!" he shouted from another room as you heard things move signaling that he was still looking for something to help Nancy. You moved with heavy steps toward this one and from there you grabbed some paper to wipe yourself so others wouldn't worry. Max was still looking at you seriously.

It was only a few minutes later when you heard someone gasp for air and Steve shout Nancy's name causing everyone to run to the portal. Both were on the floor, Nancy was lying in Steve's arms while your boyfriend pulled back some of the hair on her face so she could see better. It didn't take long before they returned to Eddie's trailer so that they were safe and Nancy began to explain what she had seen, leaving you stunned by what she was saying.

While the girl was narrating, you tried to take Steve's hand slowly to calm down a little, everything that had happened was scaring you a lot and you felt that the worst was just around the corner. The man, sensing the presence of your hand along with his, quickly moved it to run it through his hair in nervousness, causing a lump to form in your throat.

"Finally he showed me Hawkins destroyed," Nancy said quietly causing everyone to think.

"Then we'll have to attack him before he does" commented Dustin. Making Erica let out a breath.

"And how are we going to do that? I don't think you have a gun under that cap?" said the girl sarcastically. Apparently the idea wasn't such a bad one because Eddie quickly got up from where he was sitting and grabbed a magazine placing it on the table causing us all to surround him to see.

"And do you think they sell grenades there?" asked Robin.

"I don't think grenades but lots of guns" smiled Eddie. The group turned to look at each other and then started to move. Eddie managed to steal other people's trailer, upon being spotted, Steve took the wheel and started driving to the store Eddie had pointed out. Next to him was Nancy who was talking to him about the future.

You were in one of the back seats sitting next to Robin, who was looking from Steve to you thinking about what was happening, since they had entered the watergate you had been serious, you hardly spoke and you tried to distance yourself a little from everyone. Your eyes were tired and sad, as if all hope was gone. Max looked worried about what had happened a while ago, theories and suspicions did not leave her mind.

Your eyes went from your boyfriend to the floor of the trailer, thinking about what was going to happen, thousands of thoughts crossed your mind without knowing exactly what to do or how to help. Tears filled your eyes and then disappeared considering it was not the time to show your true feelings to the guy who was supposed to be your boyfriend. A hand snapped you out of your thoughts to then see Robin looking at you expectantly, next to her were Nancy and Steve, both of whom were looking at you quizzically.

"We told you we're here" commented Steve looking you up and down. "Do you want to come with us?" you looked at him for a few seconds to then slowly deny making the man just shrug his shoulders and walk out, causing the lump in your throat and the pressure in your chest to return. Robin managed to understand what was going on, so she gently squeezed your shoulder in support and walked out along with the rest.

During the time they were in the store, you were thinking, your right leg went up and down thanks to the anxiety you had inside you. After a few seconds you put your hands together noticing how cold they were. Tired, you got up and started to walk from one end to the other until some sounds to your right called your attention. You could perceive in the distance the sound of a clock, causing you to freeze where you were, your heart began to beat faster and cold sweat fell from your forehead to discover what was happening. You took a deep breath of air and then walked towards the noise, trying to look for the responsible for this. You turned from one side to the other even trying to find the watch to confirm that it was the same one that had been found in Victor's house, when you turned again you finally found it, you could see it through the back window of the trailer, near the forest. As you continued to watch you felt a hand slowly touching your shoulder, so you quickly turned to face the owner of it.

"Wow! Hey... are you okay?" Eddie asked as he looked at you with concern. You watched him with wide eyes as you slowly nodded then brought your hand to your forehead and tried to calm down, noticing the headache that was starting to bother you. The man turned to look around the store for signs of your boyfriend, finding none, he took you to one of the seats so he could watch out for anything that could happen.

When Steve, along with the rest of the group, returned, he noticed your frightened face and Eddie near you looking at you expectantly. Your boyfriend, seeing that you didn't plan on looking at him, focused on the steering wheel and quickly drove away from the store to take you out into the open field where you would all begin to create the weapons you would need and a plan to stop Vecna.

"Eddie and Dustin will be the distraction for the demobats" Nancy commented as the two boys nodded. "Max, Lucas and Erica will stay in this world, inside Victor's house to distract Vecna" Lucas interrupted her.

"Nance, you're crazy. I won't let Vecna be able to get Max again" The boy replied as Max denied.

"I will" Lucas turned to look at the girl. "If it's our only option then I'll do it. You guys will help me in case something happens" He turned to look at Lucas and Erica. Seeing that neither said anything, Steve continued with the plan.

"Nance, (y/n), Robin and I will go back to attack Vecna while I look for Max."

"I'll stay with Max" your comment made everyone turn to look at you, but you only looked at Steve. "I'll help them in case Jason wants to show up" Steve watched you for a few more seconds then nodded.

"Fine, then Nance, Robin and I will go with Vecna to destroy him. Whatever happens don't hesitate to say so, we will always be in communication" The rest of the group nodded to then get ready to continue with their part of the plan. The group split up to start preparing what was needed while you went into the trailer to get leaves and a pen. You knew Vecna was trying to get close to you because of the visions, headaches and bleeding, the same symptoms Max had, and if your theory was correct then you would have to make a decision.

When you finished writing, the others came in, ready to end the attacks once and for all. You tucked most of your writing under a cushion and then approached Max, who was setting up her walk-man so that he would be ready when the time came. Steve stopped the trailer in front of Victor's house and turned to look at you.

"Ready, don't do something stupid" Commented your boyfriend as you got out of the trailer. "(y/n)...careful" you turned to look at him and nod your head with a sad smile.

‘A life goes by

Romantic dreams must die

So I bid mine goodbye’

"See you later Steve" you returned your gaze back to the teens and follow them into the house. As you reached the garden, Erica started to split off to take her place and start keeping watch in case anyone arrived. Lucas, Max and you continued walking straight towards the house, your heart was pounding so hard you thought it was going to explode, your mind was finally at peace knowing what will happen. Lucas opened the door and together with Max they went upstairs quickly, you went upstairs at a slow pace trying to contemplate everything you had lived, your happy moments, your worst moments and the moments you spent with Steve.

Remembering all the moments, you knew you were ready for whatever was going to happen, it was as if something inside you knew there was no other way out.

As you went upstairs to where Lucas and Max were, you saw them talking about dates and a trip to the movies. They managed to find what you always wanted to have with Steve.

You wouldn't let them suffer the pain you did.

"Guys" they both turned to you curiously. "I'll be in the room closest to the stairs, in case Jason comes so he'll have to step over me" Lucas only nodded as Max looked at you worriedly, she already suspected what might happen, so she walked over to you and hugged you.

"Be very careful" she whispered into your shoulder. You, with tears in your eyes, hugged her even tighter trying to show that everything was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay for her.

As they parted you went to the room you had mentioned and sat listening to the wind through the broken window. The stars were bright that night, making you think about the finer things in life. If this was going to be the last time you were going to appreciate it, you wouldn't hesitate to do so. You remembered the time you played at the arcade with the guys, the time you went out with Eleven and Max to the mall, the time you hung out at Robin's house to talk about Vicky, and the time you went out with Steve for the first time.

who knew it would end up like this?

You kept looking at the garden of the house, hoping that everything would happen according to plan. However, noises in the hallway brought you out of your thoughts.

"Lucas? What's wrong?" you spoke, but when you received no answer you started walking towards the door. The weather was colder than you remembered. "Max?" when you opened the door you didn't meet someone, but something. The clock you had seen in your visions was at the end of the hallway, and from the door next to it a humanoid creature was starting to emerge.

"(y/n)..." it said in a deep voice. "At last you are here" For a moment you were frozen in surprise, but when you saw it coming closer to you you reacted and started running towards the stairs to go down. At the bottom you could see the door to the house, but before you got there you bumped into someone coming out of one of the doors below.

"Steve?" you asked in desperation when you saw him in front of you. "What are you doing here?!" your boyfriend looked serious and grabbed your shoulders tightly. "What are you doing?! Let go of me!"

"How stupid" he said slowly. "Did you really think I loved you? You are nothing compared to Nancy" Steve spat his words with hatred, your eyes went from his face to the door. "Even now you don't know what to do. How come we accepted you into the group?" step by step he was pulling you closer against the wall. "I only wanted you next to me to make Nancy jealous." You couldn't take it anymore.

"Shut up!" you shouted as you pushed him, making him let go of you. Slowly what you thought was Steve, began to squirm inhumanly causing him to fall to the ground. You watched in terror as you tried to escape. When you ran to the door you realized that it was jammed with wooden planks. A grotesque sound was heard from where 'Steve' was so you turned quickly to find what you thought was Vecna, which was slowly approaching you. As you turned sideways you realized you were trapped. You couldn't run anymore.

You didn't want to run anymore.

"What do you want?" you asked defiantly as the being continued to approach.

"I just want to take away the pain you are in" he said as he raised one of his hands towards your face. You closed your eyes tightly until you felt a wet hand run down your cheek. When you opened your eyes you saw him bring his hand up to your face and contemplate the tear he held on one of his disgusting fingers. "Don't you want to stop suffering?" he said as he turned to look at you.

"I want..." you took a breath of air and felt more tears fall from your eyes. "I want it to stop hurting" you whispered.

"Don't worry I'll take the pain away" He said to raise his hand again and put it on your face.

In the other room, Lucas was silently watching Max, who was sitting with her eyes closed, after a few minutes the girl stood up frustrated.

"Nothing is happening!" Max said as she paced back and forth. "If he's not here that means he knows the rest went with him."

"Max calm down" Lucas commented making the girl despair even more.

"I can't be calm Lucas understand what-" A sharp knock stopped the girl, who only turned to look at Lucas and started to run out of the room making the boy follow her. Max ran to where you were, opening the door quickly expecting to see you in front of the window. When she didn't see you there, her eyes began to quickly scan the room until they found you. You were lying on the floor, as if you had passed out. Max walked towards you but seeing your condition she simply fell to his knees causing Lucas to approach her.

"Max! What's wrong?!" Max just raised his hand pointing to the front as tears fell from her eyes, her mouth looked like she wanted to scream, but nothing came out of it. Lucas seeing her hand turned with speed to where the girl was looking.

"No, no, no, no, please wake up (y/n)" he said as he approached you, but seeing your broken body and bleeding face he knew it was too late. After the shock, Max was able to let out a cry of pain as she saw you, at the same time Lucas covered his eyes trying to stop the tears, something impossible as you heard your beloved sobbing and your friend dead in front of you.

"Erica! Erica help!" cried Lucas in tears, but he knew there was nothing more he could do.

Meanwhile Robin, Nancy and Steve were trapped thanks to Vecna's roots. The being slowly approached Steve causing him to try to escape.

"Oh Steve, if only you hadn't left her alone" it slowly commented as four chimes rang out loudly causing the boys to look at each other. Robin, taking advantage of the distraction, managed to get loose to throw a flaming bottle towards Vecna causing him to let go of Nancy and Steve.

Nancy reacted quickly so she was able to shoot Vecna. However, what destroyed him was a force that threw him away as the being burst into flames. The three looked at each other in surprise until the four chimes sounded again.

"Max..." commented Nancy causing the others to react and run for the exit running into Dustin and an unconscious but alive Eddie. Quickly they all exited the Upside Down to enter the trailer. The road felt long, especially for Steve. Everyone was afraid of what they might find. Upon arrival, Robin, Nancy and Steve ran out to Victor's house. At the door they could find Erica with her face in her hands.

"Erica! What's wrong?" Steve asked as he grabbed her shoulders and saw that nothing had happened to her. The little girl was trying to talk but the crying wouldn't let her. The three adults heard Lucas yelling from the house, so Robin stayed with Erica while Nancy and Steve ran. As they entered the room they found Max on her knees sobbing and Lucas with his back to them. As they got closer they could see someone's body in the boy's arms.

"I'm so sorry..." Lucas said between breaths. Steve, as he approached, was met with his worst nightmare, so Steve knelt down to get closer to you while the rest left the room in tears. Your body was destroyed in the worst way, your eyes that always shone were gone and your face deformed.

Tears were falling fast from Steve's face as he put his head to your chest trying to wake up from this nightmare. Not hearing your heartbeat, the boy only let out a cry of pain when he heard what had happened. His arms pulled you closer to him as if he wanted to transmit his life to you, to take your place to try to see for the last time the girl who had occupied his mind and his heart. As he pulled you closer something fell from your hand, a sheet of paper with her name on it lay looking at him expectantly waiting for him to take it. With a trembling hand he took the letter and fearfully began to read it.

Dear beloved Steve.

If you are reading this it is because what I feared the most happened. The symptoms started two days ago and I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to distract you from the love of your life. You gave me the opportunity to love you but I see it wasn't enough for you to love me in the same way. Even now, with a broken heart and on the verge of death I want to say that I love you.

I love you Steve Harrington.

You own my mind, heart and soul. And I want you to find someone who loves you the same way you love someone else and fulfill your dream of having a big family with 6 little nuggets. Don't blame yourself, don't regret it because I would never blame you for anything that happened to me. Live with your head held high Steve Harrington, and be the man you always wanted to be. Fulfill your goals and know again the love that I will always be looking out for you.

See you later Steve,

Love.

(y/n)

Tears couldn't stop falling from Steve's eyes, his broken voice whispered little 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you'. His heart was breaking more and more as he remembered that you wouldn't be with him to make a future. Because a future without you was a future Steve didn't want to live.

Now he won't be able to see your eyes sparkle or your laughter light up his life, he won't be able to confess to you that he walked away from you so he wouldn't put you in danger, so he could keep you safe. He won't be able to love again if not you.

After all, Steve Harrington had failed you.

'So close, so close.

And still so far'

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tags: @lettyshush @ilovetaylorswift1 @hcloangcls @obsessed-with-a-fictional-man

#steve stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things one shot #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington angst #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #joe keery #steve harrington x fem #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington s4 #steve harrington fic #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington series #joe keery imagines

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