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evankinard · 1 year

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Buddie Secret Relationship Conspiracy Manifesto

Hello. Welcome to possibly the most delusional buddie theory yet. This is a collaboration with @swiftiebuckleys, and as such I would like to cite our sources accordingly: dude, trust us.

Okay so I know a lot of people have talked about the theory of buddie possibly being in a secret relationship that is even a secret from the audience during season 6. For me, this started during 6A. It started because I was thinking about how 601 started with such a poignant and domestic Buckley-Diaz family scene that, as a part of a premier that was meant to establish where the characters are after four months of hiatus, told us Buck, Eddie and Christopher are living in each other's pockets as their own little family at the start of the season (I even wrote about this in this meta I posted while 6a was airing lmao).

But then for the rest of 6A there really wasn't any significant on-screen buddie or Buckley-Diaz moments, even though there was plenty that was implied at, including: Buck and Eddie planning to go to Marisol's house to help with repairs without the rest of the firefam, Buck and Chris hanging out so Chris potentially telling Buck the secret about skipping school even though he didn't tell Eddie, Buck and Eddie sitting in the back of the waiting room together separate from the rest of the firefam while they waited for news about Karen, and Eddie giving Hoover to Buck and convincing him to keep him even though his building doesn't allow dogs. What do all but one of these moments have in common? They're moments where Buck and Eddie were either alone or away from anyone who would know them from the rest of the gang and wouldn't feel the need to hide their relationship. When at work, Buck and Eddie had a reasonably normal amount of on-screen interactions, but it was only their moments happening outside of work that was pushed to the off-screen. (Bonus: one on-screen 6A moment that lives in my head rent-free and screams of secret relationship is that shot of them stepping into frame together and holding eye contact while the song lyrics in the bg go "I want your sex and your affection when I'm holding you close" in 609.)

However, while this^ is all well and good, it's 6B that really gives the secret relationship theory its wings.

Episode 10 gave us the lightning strike with a sequence that was shot almost entirely from the perspective of Eddie. While in the initial aftermath of the strike we see the shock on Hen, Chimney, and Bobby's faces, the scene is in slow-motion and muted until Eddie realizes what's going on and we watch every minute facial expression on his face as the horror dawns and he snaps into action. Eddie's reaction is what sparks everyone else's movement and then we see him completely forgo his own injuries and his own safety to save Buck. In the secret relationship trope, the near-death experience is a lot of the time what forces the couple to blow their cover and reveal their relationship. That didn't happen here as buddie were already close enough to warrant the strength of Eddie's reaction and Buck was unresponsive and there wasn't any time to lose. HOWEVER, episode 11 and the absence of a scene with Eddie alone at Buck's bedside can be explained by the fact that he couldn't be shone there or his bedside confessions would have given them away to the audience. As it is, other than Margaret and Maddie, Buck's mother and sister, he's the only one dressed in all black, his composure crumbling and unable to make eye contact with Buck's body in the hospital bed, the perfect picture of a grieving widow.

Episode 12 has the infamous couch scene which is meant to signal to the audience that Eddie is the couch Buck has been searching for, even if Buck himself doesn't know it. However, in the context of the secret relationship theory, what if the total lack of reaction from Eddie about Buck falling asleep on his couch is because they already know this?

Episode 13 has the infamous poker scene and this is where the theory actually diverges for a lot of people. Going with the original theory that buddie have been together since before 6A, this would explain Buck's lack of reaction to Eddie telling him to get dressed up and taking him out on what is essentially a date - he wasn't surprised or suspicious because it wasn't unusual. If you go back and watch the scene, you'll notice that it opens right when Buck and Eddie are approaching the door and about to be in the presence of other firefighters, but initially they're walking away from a dark alley while fixing their clothes - why would they need to fix their clothes unless they got messed up in the first place? Why wouldn't they show us the before or after of the poker scene, why only the parts where they're in the presence of other people from the department? Plus, Eddie really was looking TOO blatantly hungry in that entire scene, and he wasn't really hiding it from Buck - maybe because he's allowed, and expected, to look. This isn't even to mention the scenes of Buck, Eddie, and Christopher being a family, but I will go back to those later.

Where this episode splits this theory is the alternate potential for them to have gotten together after the poker game (my initial post after the episode first came out.) This would have been the perfect opportunity because there's really no way that if they weren't already together, the thought that this might be a date hadn't crossed Buck's mind (and, again, Eddie really did look too fucking horny in that scene it wasn't something you could ignore.) The next outside of work scene we see the Buckley-Diaz' in is the baking scene with Buck and Christopher. Eddie's location is completely unknown - he could be on shift, he could be running errands, he could be with Pepa - but the fact that Buck and Chris are together and baking for his class and planning dinner really drives home the fact that they are a family once again. However, the easy confidence of Buck parenting Christopher and the way he glowed with happiness in that moment would make even more sense if he had had his place in the Diaz family as Eddie's partner and Christopher's other parent confirmed to him.

One way to possibly combine the two theories is if we assume that Buck and Eddie were actually fwb throughout 6A (an idea given to me by @captainragtag) but actually got together after the poker scene. ANOTHER way is if we assume they've only been fwb, even after the poker scene. Them being fwb would potentially explain some holes in the theory, moments where they should have had a bigger reaction to something or known something beforehand if they were in a relationship (kind of the sperm donor arc and Eddie's reaction, but that could also be explained by Eddie's lack of reaction being because he already knew and was just pretending to be finding out for the first time with everyone else.)

Going into episode 14, all of these theories could explain the *gestures vaguely* everything about Eddie's storyline in the episode. If they're hiding a relationship, the absence of any mentions of Buck when talking about Eddie (and Christopher) being alone would make sense, especially after how pointedly the previous episode showed that Eddie is always spending his free time with Buck, with or without Christopher. It would also explain Buck's extremely unsubtle date-ruining advice - either they're together and Buck just doesn't want Eddie to go on the date because he doesn't want to share even to keep up pretenses, or they're fwb and Buck is jealous and afraid to lose Eddie and their relationship if Eddie starts actually dating. Also, considering how many pure fanfic tropes the writers have used before, it's safe to assume they have at least a baseline knowledge of how buddie are written by fans and what's the first trope every fanfic reader in this fandom learns about? Christopher's first and foremost wingman duty is to pack his stuff and go to a sleepover so his dads can do unholy things to each other. Christopher being at a sleepover when Pepa told Eddie to come over and him insisting that he was alone at home when just last episode we saw buddie spending all their time off shift together is just a little too sus if you ask me. Another secret relationship moment in the episode is Eddie going for the wrong gear shift in his own car. He initially reached for the gear shift on the center console when that's not where it is in his truck. But do you know where the gear shift is in a jeep? I'll give you one guess. Do we know anyone who owns a jeep? I'll give you another guess. This would make total sense since we know Eddie is a passenger princess and Buck would be driving them everywhere if they were in a relationship. Even when Buck isn't the one driving, Eddie would be much more likely to borrow his car more often if they were in a relationship and basically living together.

If this all doesn't convince you, I would like to leave you with the reminder of a moment that I'm sure has haunted all of us since 614 came out:

Actors are always aware when they're on camera and even if they aren't, the dozens of production people, including the director, would be. Do with that what you will.

(If anyone has anything they'd like to add to this feel free to message me or send me an ask and I'll make edits! And, I mean, this is all just for fun not to be taken seriously, but if there is a point that you think really brings the theory down also feel free to send me an ask about that lets see if I can provide a suitable explanation.)

edit: another thing to keep in mind as pointed out by the brilliant @swiftiebuckleys is the precedent set by 606 "Tomorrow" for flashbacks showing the start of a relationship.

#I said dont raise your expectations too high and I stand by that but here it is #my web of conspiracy with the help support and delusions of friends #did i promise this yesterday? yes. did I also keep getting distracted and procrastinating it? you betcha.#911 fox #911 spoilers #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #weewoo brainrot #that last tag really fits this one i cant defend myself here

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loveyourownsmiilee · 1 year

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Talking Buddie Language: Ep 6.13

Buddie nation how are we doing?!?! This episode really blew me and my expectations away. I loved it so much and I really think this was such a statement episode. They made a bold statement with their choices in both Buck and Eddie’s development and storylines going further, especially with Christopher. It was a fun and light episode to combat the previous few that have been on the darker side. I think this is my favorite episode to analyze thus far! So I’m just gonna get right into it.

Buck Can Do Math?

Before getting into the whole math aspect, I just want to say how good it was to see Buck and Eddie back to being partners and in sync once again. They walked in together. They moved so seamlessly at the same time, and it felt like no time has passed since the last time they worked together before Buck’s injury

I love how one of the running jokes throughout the show has been that Buck cannot do math. Eddie told him point blank back in 3.04 “You don’t know math.” So to actually see him do math so seamlessly in his head really made me happy to see!

B: How much did she drink?…So that’s a 100 mg. A woman her size should be having 14 mg. So she’s taken 7.13 more times than the daily allowance.

C: Did he just do math? In his head?

E: I think so.

B: Uh, was uh, was I right?

H: You are.

I love seeing his teams' reactions to him doing quick math in his head because everyone is confused about his new capabilities, including himself. One thing I would like to note is Eddie’s little confused moment because he knows Buck the best out of everyone there. So even he’s confused as to this new revelation that he didn’t know existed.

Chimney with Denny // Buck with Christopher

The reason I am including this specific part is because there was a deliberate choice to include a scene in which we have Chimney talking to his best friend's child about their fathers. It's interesting to see how Chim is literally just like any other uncle figure talking to someone he can consider to be a nephew of some sort. It was not paternal in any way because they had a talk about how complicated Chim's relationship was with his father. Denny connected to what Chim had to say but the difference in their interaction versus every interaction we have gotten with Buck and Christopher is massive. And it was conveniently just before we got that wholesome Buckley Diaz family scene too to really bring forth the differences between their relationships.

Buckley Diaz Family Does Math Together

I am still screaming and crying happy tears over this wholesome family moment. This season, the writers are really putting in the effort to solidify the three of them as a family unit of their own. They are sitting once again in Buck's kitchen doing the most mundane family task, which is snacking and helping their kid with their homework while they chat. It is such a difference to how Chim and Denny's interaction went a few moments before this scene.

I love Christopher testing out Buck's new skills while Buck happily indulges him. He seems so happy to inform his father that his Buck now knows everything, to which Buck quickly assures that it's not everything, just math. Eddie's fond little "yeah, yeah" is so typical in other shows and movies where one parent is getting all the cool points from their child and the other has to make peace with it. No heat there, just Eddie being his usual self when he's around his boys.

I love how while Buck and Chris were having their little fun, Eddie pulled a Buck and was the one researching Buck's new abilities. A lot of time, when two people are together for a while, whether it is romantically or platonically, they start adapting the other's little habits and tells. In this instance, Eddie had adopted Buck's knack for researching and he is relaying his findings to his boys in typical Buck fashion.

The conversation about math is something I really found interesting and I have rewatched it multiple times already to uncover that there may be an underlying meaning here that isn't just about math. When Buck tells Eddie that it turns out that he "loves math," Eddie goes on to relay his findings on lightning survivors and newfound cognitive abilities they had.

E: According to this, you can get new cognitive abilities after a serious injury to the central nervous system.

B: Which I uh, definitely had.

E: Hmm, but some doctors are saying it's not a real thing.

B: Uh, you think I've secretly known the square root of 162 all these years and just been holding out? No c'mon, it has to be the lightning.

E: Fair point.

This conversation really reminds me of the one Eddie and Ana had in 3.12 about the horses.

A: There's a lot to be said for getting back on the horse but there's also some value in learning that you don't like horses.

Now just follow me for a second. If you fall off a horse and decide to get back on it to give it another shot, that can be ok. But if you decide that maybe horses aren't your thing, then it's also ok to just never get on one again. In this instance, if Eddie dated women and it didnt go anywhere, it's ok for him to try again. But it is also alright if he decided that dating women isn't what he wants and moves on to dating people he does want.

The same goes for the math of it all. Buck states that he likes math now, but he didn't used to like math before. And when Eddie calls him out, he is quick to explain that he didn't know math until after the lightning hit him. So let's say that Buck has only dated women his entire life. Maybe he is now realizing that he can be into other's that he had never considered before. Maybe this is his way of realizing that he has other options in front of him that he didnt think he did before. It makes sense if you also consider Buck trying to reach out to each woman he's ever been with to see if his performance was alright later on in the episode. Because maybe now he doesn't want to focus on women, maybe he wants to focus on a man instead.

Before diving into more of their body language, I want to talk about a concept we learned in one of my behavioral analysis classes. Mirroring is typically when two partners have such a chemical connection that they’re so in sync with everything that they do. Such things can be finishing each others sentences, or knowing what the other is thinking, even walking, talking and behaving in very similar ways. Mirroring is usually found to be the case with people who are in long term romantic partnerships because it takes a lot of emotional understanding to achieve it. This is important because mirroring happens a lot with Buck and Eddie even though they’re not in a romantic relationship. It’s the fact that they are so deeply connected on an emotional level that allows them to mirror each other in different ways.

One form of mirroring is body chemistry as well. Take into consideration Eddie's body position throughout the entire family scene. Our bodies tend to immediately shift towards the direction of our other halves because they’re like magnets seeking each other out. When you are attracted to someone, your body senses it and craves to be close to it at all times. That's why when you love someone, your body is always turned towards them. It's not even something people are conscious about because our bodies tend to have a mind of their own at times, especially when it comes to chemistry. It’s something that is very prevalent in Buck and Eddie’s relationship because they always seem to turn towards the other at all times.

Eddie's entire body is turned towards Buck to the point where he kind of has his back towards his son. It’s also very open because he feels safe with Buck. He isn’t closed off or protecting himself. No, he’s just basically openly surrendering his body to Buck because he knows he will keep it safe at all times. Compare this moment to the one in Eddie’s own kitchen when he was breaking up with Ana. He had his arms folded in front of him, closing himself off to her. Such a massive difference between the two of them and the two of these idiots.

When Buck mentions liking the idea that he’s the guy who has the answers, he immediately looks at Eddie and then Christopher as if they’re the answers he’s been searching for all season long. Which if you think about it, they are the two people that make him the happiest and the most at ease. It’s ironic that Eddie is turned away from Buck when he says that so he completely misses the lovesick look on Buck’s face as he says it. Now this, in my opinion, directly foreshadows Buck realizing his feelings for Eddie soon. Just how he was venting to Eddie and Christopher in 6.01 about how the perfect options for interim captain were right under Bobby’s nose, well the perfect partner and kid are in front of Buck’s now. This moment indicates that Buck will come to find soon that the partner for him has been the one by his side for years now. That framing and the way his eyes are sparking tell it all.

Husband's Who Con Together, Stay Together

I am so so here for Buck and Eddie putting Buck's newly found abilities to the test and gaining something out of it. I thought it was hilarious how Eddie was the mastermind behind Buck conning their teammates out of their money by doing some math equations. This shows once again how close these two really are because they're counting their money together and in the end it is just that, their money. Because they're a team and whatever they win, they share. You can tell by the way Eddie takes the bills out of Buck's hands, counts it then hands them back to him. It's nice to see them attached at the hip once again considering how most of 6a they were often paired off with others.

We see another example of a mirroring when they are walking side-by-side with the same steps. Seeing them walking together and laughing together is so nice and it really shows us how when compared to their interactions with their other team members it is so different to what they have together. We watched Buck and Hen be close for most of 6a, they got drunk together and went out with Denny together. But when you compare their scenes and their friendship to the one Buck has with Eddie and Christopher, it is once again vastly different. Which is why it was so pertinent to have them establish those other bonds with the other members of the 118, so that when we saw them close again, we would be seeing how different their relationship is than with others'.

The Winner Takes All The Steaks

The Poker Scene™️ will forever go down in Buddie history as one of their most iconic moments ever. There is so much that happened in the span of a few minutes that I truly feel like I hallucinated this entire episode because of it.

I don’t know how Eddie convinced Buck that he should dress to impress, but he surely succeeded. They were both dressed the nicest we have ever seen them. I love how when it comes to these two, there’s such an unconditional trust formed between them that they don’t have to question each other. Buck simply put on his best suit, his nicest watch and went along simply because Eddie asked him to.

The fact that they were wearing red and blue makes me absolutely feral!! I’ve talked about the significance of the red and blue theory when it comes to couples so I’m just going to link it right here if anyone is interested. But the costume department surely made a choice putting these two in red and blue when they were on their own outside of work, doing something fun. Especially in an episode where all the other couples were off on their own doing coupley stuff together.

The LAFD poker game was so fun to watch especially knowing what Buck is coming back from. I love the idea that Eddie would have made these plans to bring Buck to this poker game to not only test out his new cognitive abilities, but so that he can have some fun. Eddie, more than anyone else, knows how Buck really feels about his recent brush with death. So him bringing Buck to this game, dressed to the nines can either be because he wanted to test out Buck's abilities or simply because he wanted Buck to enjoy himself. Either way, I love how much Eddie cares about Buck and his happiness and well-being.

I want to discuss a couple different moments and how they are with each other. When they first enter and Buck sees Captain Mehta and Chief Williams, he is clearly shocked because whatever he was anticipating was definitely not a poker game with other LAFD members. When Chief says, "Let's see if he survives tonight," I think it's important to note how Buck seems weary of his place at the table and he immediately diverts his attention to his safe person, Eddie. Eddie is simply smiling at him in reassurance and even does his little turtle face in a way to tell Buck, you got this, I believe in you, which then immediately causes Buck to smile. See, they have that effect on each other. A simple look and a soft smile that is reserved for each other is enough to make the other feel safe and loved.

The discussion about Buck's brush with death was clearly making Buck uncomfortable and it goes to show that just because he is back at work, doesn't mean he is magically over it. Him not being able to joke with the Chief and Mehta, when he was openly joking with Eddie and Chris at his loft indicates the lack of trust he has with them. He knows the Diaz boys and trusts them unconditionally. They're his safe space, his people and he can feel comfortable joking with them because he has also been honest with Eddie about his real feelings. It feels out of place to partake in the casual conversation of his death with people he barely knows. But Eddie, his person and support system is quick to correct Chiefl Williams when she mentions Buck being dead for 3 minutes.

W: So 3 minutes huh?

B: Uh what's that?

W: That's how long you were dead.

E: 3 minutes and 17 seconds.

Eddie does not want anyone to diminish the 17 seconds Buck was dead for because he had to live in a world without Buck for 3 minutes and 17 seconds. Like I mentioned in my last episode's meta, Eddie is clearly not over this traumatic event. The way his voice was so broken when he told Buck he died in 6.12 indicates that he is not fully over it himself. And one can't blame him because he lost his partner and co-parent for that amount of time. He grieved Buck like he would a spouse or longtime partner. So for Eddie, diminishing Buck's death to only 3 minutes does not do his grief any justice because he was gone for an addition 17 seconds that Eddie will not be forgetting about for a long time. It's also interesting to focus on Buck’s facial expression when Eddie looks at him and says that because he seems kind of stunned. Almost as if he had no idea that is how long he was gone for or that Eddie knew it down to the very second.

Eddie's heated looks throughout that entire scene were something completely out of this world. I mean they're his typical fond heart eyes, but there was a clear underlying layer of lust and attraction in his looks. He was looking at Buck proudly but also like his new math skills were doing things to Eddie.

I’m sure it was so wonderful to see Buck so confident and smug while he kept winning hand after hand. Once Eddie stopped playing, he comfortably stood behind Buck and supported him while he won. On one occasion, after Buck won a round, the camera pans to Eddie and he’s completely flustered. He’s smiling and ducks his head in a cute shy way one does when they’re flustered by a crush. Eddie isn’t fooling anyone. We all know what he is and at this point I don’t even think he’s trying to hide it.

Then we have the end of all the rounds where Buck has won big. When Chief asks him what he wants as his prize, I love that his immediate thought is to look at Eddie, his partner, before making a decision. This was such a bold and deliberate choice in having him do this because it signifies that these two are partners both on and off the field. Eddie was already looking at Buck before he turns around to him. You can see the actual change in Eddie’s facial expression the moment they make eye contact. His eyes are sparkling and his smile widens to his special Buck smile. It’s complete and pure love that’s translated on Eddie’s face. Simple as that. That’s a man in love and there’s no other explanation for that. Now whether his heart knows it and his mind still needs time to catch up, or he’s fully aware, we don’t know yet. But the eyes, they never ever lie and you can see the love shining from Eddie’s eyes.

All of this to win some steaks? Yeah you heard that. Eddie and his little puns weren’t lying when he said this was low steaks haha. I love how Buck is exasperated but Eddie is smug standing next to him. He even diverts to his usual love language of teasing when he tells the Chief Buck’s humor wasn’t affected by the lightning. Once again, their shared looks are so heated especially when Eddie’s looking at Buck when he’s not looking back. The Chief telling Eddie to leave his human calculator at the firehouse was hilarious because it was his idea to even bring Buck down to play poker and smoke everyone there. But Eddie’s a possessive and smug bastard so he got what he initially wanted and that was for his Buck to let loose and enjoy himself while he enjoyed watching him enjoy himself lol. I got to say, Eddie looking at Buck like this when he’s not looking back is making me feral. There’s heat there and he’s so smitten with Buck that it really shouldn’t be a secret to anyone who’s in their close vicinity. So if only Buck were to just turn around and really open his eyes, he’d have more answers to the questions he’s been looking for.

Jealous Eddie Makes a Return

I really don’t understand why Buck and Eddie were the only two that accompanied Hen with the call to the couple found in a compromising position but I’m not complaining. It was hilarious in my opinion and it brought with it a return of jealous Eddie!! Once again you see mirroring come to play when they are listening to the husband try to explain what happened during their sexy night. The way both their hands go up at the same time and how they tilt their heads clearly shows they are so in sync with one another.

When the husband brings up the statistics he read about how 80% of partners are not satisfied, we have Buck immediately use his newfound abilities to calculate all the women he has slept with. I love how Eddie immediately cuts him off. You can tell he did not want to hear about Buck's previous partners because he was exasperated but not in his usual fond way. The way he looks back at Hen and shakes his head is very much, "Can you believe he was about to talk about that in front of me?" Oh Eddie baby, that is not how best friends react when their best friend talks about previous partners. Nothing about Buck and Eddie is platonic as we all know and I love every time jealous Eddie makes a return because there is no other explanation that the fact that he is in love with Buck.

Buck and Christopher Bake Cookies

It is very important that the show tries to distinguish Buck and Christopher’s relationship separate to that of Eddie's if they want to audience to believe Buck can be the perfect partner to Eddie in all ways. We haven't gotten a Buck and Chris scene together in such a long time so it was nice to see them together without Eddie. And they weren't just doing anything. No they were doing such a domestic thing which was Buck making them dinner and then planning on baking cookies for Christopher's class. That is such a parental thing to do and I love that the show is trying to really highlight the difference in their relationship with each other verses what we saw earlier with Chimney and Denny.

B: So when I cook, I like to measure out all the ingredients. It uh makes me feel like an actual chef.

C: That makes me your sous chef.

B: Yes it does.

Now something about the wording of this really stands out to me. Sure they are talking about baking but like they also may be implying something else at the same time. @ktinastrikesback had a very good point and I have to agree with her. It almost sounds like if you were to take out the words chef, it can be Buck implying that sometimes he feels like an actual dad, and that makes Christopher like his son. That analogy fits in this scenario so I am sticking with it.

I also mentioned in another post how this scene with just the two of this is very important for the general audience so that they can start understanding the importance of Buck in not only Eddie’s life but Christopher’s as well. The way they tease each other and how Buck looks at Christopher so proudly and with so much unbridled love really does seem like a father and son to me. And now the whole storyline of the sperm donation makes sense because they’re going to try to distinguish the fact that biology does not make someone a parent as we saw with Denny and his biological father as well. Buck is just as much Christopher’s dad as Eddie even though he’s not biologically related to him. So I can’t wait to see how the rest of the season unfolds but I do believe this is where it is heading. To Buck becoming more intertwined with the Diaz family and eventually becoming a romantic partner to Eddie and another parent to Christopher.

Once again thank you to everyone who took the time to read this. I really think we’re on the way to Buddie going canon and I for one am very excited to see how the rest of the season plays out. We’re so close friends! If you’d like to be tagged when I post these weekly metas, please let me know here!

Thank you to the lovely @aa-lionheart for all the beautiful gifs 💜

#buddie #911 spoilers #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #911 speculation #911 meta #buddie meta #buddie language meta #911 on fox

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strangersatellites · 9 months

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AU where steve and robin own a bookstore+coffeehouse and it becomes their pride and joy.

steve knows everything about every book and loves to give customers recommendations. robin has taken to being a barista like she was born to do it. dreaming up new flavors of cold foam when she sleeps.

it’s in the fall that they get a new neighbor in the form of a record store.

robin is so excited she can hardly contain herself, has it’s grand opening added to the shop calendar as soon as she hears.

when the big day finally rolls around the music is loud, the line is long, and the complimentary drinks are flowing. by the time steve and robin make it over, they don’t get the chance to meet the owners because everything is just so busy.

they retreat back to the bookstore and try to accommodate their own guests and regulars despite the thumping bass from next door. steve gives them some slack, opening day parties are always a big ordeal.

but the loud music doesn’t stop the next day.

or the next day. or the next.

by the end of the second week, steve is watching himself turn into a crotchety old man in real time. he’s had enough of trying to pick a coffeehouse playlist that will hopefully drown out the noise from the record store. it never does.

he marches over as soon as it starts up one day, fully intent on making a scene if he has to when he spots a tall, lanky guy behind the counter. pretty. add pretty in there too.

he’s got his hair pulled back in a clip and a t-shirt for a band steve doesn’t recognize pulled across his broad shoulders.

the guy throws a hand up and waves at steve where he’s frozen in the door. says “hey man welcome in. let me know if i can help you with anything!”

he’s momentarily stunned until the next song picks back up and he can physically feel the floor vibrate under his feet.

he stomps up the counter and slaps his palms against it. jolts the guy to attention with wide, worried eyes.

“dude. could your music be any louder? you know you’re next door to a bookstore right? you know. the quiet place where people go to relax and read?” he gestures with a flurry of his hands.

pretty boy actually looks embarrassed for a second before he reaches over to a screen and decreases the volume.

he wears a sheepish smile when he crosses his arms over his chest.

“sorry dude. my co-owner chrissy had a pretty bad accident a few years back and lost a good bit of her hearing. i keep it up pretty loud so she can hear it. i’ll bring it down some though. sorry it’s been bothering you.”

and oh. steve was not expecting him to have an excuse. especially not a good one.

now he feels bad.

“it’s really okay. i’m sorry i came in a little dramatic. my co-owner robin and i have just worked really hard the past few years to curate our space and i guess i just got thrown off.” he shrugs. “it’s cool though. this is your store as much as the next one is mine, so.”

the guy smiles big and bright and man he really is pretty. steve’s eyes flit down to a name tag that reads “eddie.”

“maybe just bring the noise down a smidge though?” he smiles when he says it so eddie knows he isn’t mad.

he nods and steve hears a clatter come from the back. eddie laughs and hangs his head. “i should probably go check on her. she hid in the back when she saw you on the sidewalk so i couldn’t chicken out of talking to you.”

steve’s jaw drops at the implication and he has to take a second to reorganize his thoughts.

“i- what?”

eddie brings a hand up to the back of his neck in a nervous gesture and his cheeks flush the faintest pink.

“i may or may not have been unable to shut up about the pretty boy next door since our grand opening party.”

steve laughs this time, loud and happy.

“i didn’t even see you!”

“oh well i saw you. chris has been on my case to walk over for days so when she saw her opportunity today she took it.”

steve’s head tilts to the side and he has a playful smile on his face when he says “weren’t you supposed to be checking on her?”

eddie spins around so fast he nearly sends a cup of pens clattering to the ground.”

“shit! i-“

“don’t hurt yourself, rockstar. i’ll see you around eddie.”

eddie’s head swings back around and his face is scrunched up in confusion until steve points at his name tag.

“ah. right. well, i’ll see you around too…”

“steve.”

this time when steve walks through the door it’s quiet enough he can hear the bell jingle above it.

au august day 12: book store

#au august #steddie #once again- longer than i expected #this one sponsored by the vision of steve having an old man moment #shot of gin

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tizniz · 2 months

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WIP Wednesday 🌙

Tagged by: @theotherbuckley & @diazsdimples (such a little shit with his post)

Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate 🩵 and happy Wednesday to those who don't!

SURPRISE! I PICKED UP CUPID!BUCK AND WROTE SOMETHING! I'm determined to work past everything that stopped me from continuing it and am going to keep going. So we'll see what happens.

I'm doing a few snippets (treating y'all for being so nice and because it's V-Day) from what I wrote last night, so there's more under the cut along with tags!

Valentine’s Day sucks. You’d think being a descendant of Cupid, one would be all for the holiday. Not Buck. Buck hates the day. Look, he loves love. Is first in line to admit that he is a supporter of love and will happily help anyone and everyone find their one true love. Has done exactly that with many a people. Has developed a reputation because of it. But Valentine’s Day? Valentine’s Day can go die in a deep, dark pit for all he cares.

...

He absently scratches at his arm as he tries to focus enough to pick out a sauce. But he can’t do that until he picks out a type of pasta. Because Eddie is surprisingly picky about what pasta goes with what sauce, and so Buck staggers his way over to the pasta. Boxed, not fresh, because Eddie is also peculiar about that. It honestly makes Buck love the man more. Except the thought of loving his best friend has a shiver running down Buck’s back unpleasantly; not because of his love for Eddie, but simply because it draws in more love from around him. He feels a bit like he’s suffocating. He’s sweating and shivering at the same time. Everything is blurry around him. There’s a couple at the end of the aisle whispering to each other, their new love pouring off of them and over to Buck, crawling along his skin.

...

As Buck is sat down on the edge of the bed, he realizes something with a frown. There’s nothing coming from the house. There’s no feelings or emotions or anything. Which Buck has learned to adapt to with Eddie, had actually sought it out tonight. But it does mean something, or someone, is missing. “Chris?” “Valentine’s Day dance, remember?” Eddie places some clothing on the bed beside Buck. “You helped him pick out his outfit.” Right. He did. Buck frowns deeper. He doesn’t really remember it though. “You’re really not feeling well, are you?” Eddie mutters, fingers moving through Buck’s hair once more. It eases some of the throbbing in Buck’s head, and he falls forward until his face is planted into Eddie’s stomach, the cotton of his shirt soft against Buck’s itchy skin. This had been the right move. This is where he needed to be. Already he could feel the silence and lack of emotions from Eddie muffling the too loud noise inside of Buck’s body. He really should have listened to his sister and stayed home. Love sickness was a nasty thing.

...

“Good.” Eddie echoes, leaning over to place the glass on the side table. “How you feeling?” Buck wrinkles his nose, eyes falling closed again. “No’ good.” “Get some sleep then.” “Stay?” “I…” Eddie sighs, and then there’s movement before Buck feels a body settle next to his. He shuffles closer until Eddie’s arm winds around him, slotting a leg between Buck’s. “Get some rest, Buck.” “Knew you’d help.” Buck mutters, feeling himself drift off. But it wasn’t spinning and scary like before, in the store. No, here, he feels safe and secure, on steady feet. “Always help…”

NP tagging: @daffi-990, @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove, @jesuisici33, @cal-daisies-and-briars, @exhuastedpigeon, @bucksbackwardcap, @disasterbuckdiaz, @hippolotamus, @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming, @monsterrae1, @actualalligator, @epicbuddieficrecs, @elvensorceress, @eddiebabygirldiaz, @spotsandsocks, @spagheddiediaz, @fortheloveofbuddie, @wildlife4life, @evanbegins, @devirnis, @buckaroosheart, @perfectlysunny02, @nmcggg, and anyone else who needs a tag :)

Let me know if you want to be added or removed.

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #cupid!buck #911 fic #911 fanfic #buddie fic #buddie fanfic

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sarahsmi13s · 7 months

Text

Bloodstained Sandbags

whumptober day 1 : bloody knuckles

pairing: eddie diaz x reader

characters: eddie diaz, fem!reader, christopher diaz, evan buckley, scott (oc)

warnings: 18+ MDNI, nightmares, panic attacks, crying, blood, disassociation, SA (not in vivid detail, but it is spoken about), language, caretaking, PTSD, resetting a dislocated shoulder, talks of therapy, mentions of underground fighting, please tell me if i missed any

word count: ~5.6k

a/n: this is for whumptober! please please please proceed with caution and use discretion, protect your peace

also if you are on the whump taglist but are not familiar with a character, you can skip it will not hurt my feelings!

whumptober 2023 masterlist

summary: healing is draining and you're trying everything you can to stay afloat... can a new workout routine help keep you above water as you support eddie through his trauma while you work through your own?

You really thought that when Eddie started working at the dispatch center, things were going to get better for you. You thought you would sleep better, your nightmares fading away as you always had your protector next to you now. You were safe, no one could hurt you with Eddie at your side.

But it didn’t seem to matter, because you couldn’t close your eyes without being back in that damn break room – the break room you no longer set foot in.

It was like even though you knew you were safe with Eddie… a sick, twisted part of you kept reminding you that Eddie wouldn’t always be there to protect you.

And the thing was, Eddie had no idea.

No idea that you were struggling. That for months you were feeling sick to your stomach everytime you got up to get ready for work. That you wanted his touch but had a mini panic attack every time he touched you when you weren’t expecting it.

But he had no idea what happened to you either. You were afraid to tell him. Afraid he’d leave you, though logically you knew he would never do that.

Except there wasn’t a good time to tell him, either. He was having a hard time with his PTSD and you were doing the best you could to help him while also trying to keep yourself above water.

Which is why you started going to the gym… The sweating, the adrenaline, all of it just made you feel stronger.

And that’s where you picked up on learning to fight, you wanted to be ready. Ready to protect yourself or Christopher if the situation presented itself and Eddie wasn’t around.

You sighed as you walked into yours and Eddie’s apartment, your body stiff and sore from your workout. You managed to scrape your knuckles just a little bit too but it wasn’t too noticeable.

You hung your purse up and set your gym bag down. “Eddie? Chris?”

You heard Eddie’s voice come from the kitchen. “We’re in here, Honey!”

You smiled and walked into the kitchen, seeing them at the table. “How are my boys?” You went over and kissed them both on the head, “I’m sorry if I made you wait, I got really in the zone at the gym and the traffic was a monster.”

“Oh it’s no problem, I was just getting started on the veggies. Why don’t you go shower and it should be ready by the time you're done,” Eddie said as he stood and kissed the side of your head before returning to cutting the vegetables.

You nodded at him before ruffling Chris’s hair, “Do you have any homework you need help with?” He nodded, “Yeah, math stuff.” “Alrighty, I’ll help you after dinner, okay?” “Okay.”

Smiling, you kissed his head again before going to take a shower.

Once you went into the bathroom, you were all too ready to peel the sweaty gym clothes off of you.

Your leggings peeled off with a wet sound, and if someone heard it they would have thought that you jumped into the ocean with your clothes on. The collar of your cutout t-shirt was soaked enough that you could ring it out. Your sports bra was practically the same way.

“I went way harder than I thought…” you mumbled to yourself as you dropped your clothes into a pile and checked the temperature of your shower.

Scalding hot, just like you liked it.

You stepped under the water, wincing slightly at the initial bite of the heat on your skin. But as you stood there under the water both the heat and pressure seemed to massage your muscles, allowing you to relax.

The shower was the only way you could get a massage, it was the only place you allowed yourself to feel vulnerable.

And you never went to a masseuse at all because Eddie was enough. But now, after everything that happened, the idea of being pinned under someone with your back exposed and their hands on you like that could send you into a panic attack.

He had tried once after he started his therapy sessions, realizing he had been neglecting you and wanted to help you work out the soreness of your muscles.

But you were fighting a panic attack the whole time. You had to hold a conversation with him and ask him to not put his full weight on you. He cooperated without question of course and then you sat and chatted about your day.

Though you haven’t let him do it since, fearing that you would be able to hold it together and freak out on him.

Showers were your source of muscle relaxation. So that’s why you stood there, water pressure on pulse and heat turned up to hell.

When you felt satisfied, you turned the temperature down and finished your shower, ending with a cold rinse just to soothe your skin before getting out and getting dressed in a pair of shorts and one of Eddie’s shirts then joining the boys for dinner.

Eddie watched you wash dishes with a smile on his face as he leaned against the fridge.

He had cleaned out the sink, putting plates, bowls, utensils, and cups into the dishwasher while you were helping Chris with homework. But now you were working on pots and pans because they just didn’t fit in the dishwasher with the other things, often needing to be washed separately – and that took too long for your liking.

So after getting Chris settled down in his room, Eddie came back to watch you, wanting to spend alone time with you since you rarely got that lately.

Not that he was necessarily mad about it, he respected boundaries when and where you set them – no questions asked.

But he was pulled to action when he heard you wince, taking a step and a half to meet you as you turned for a towel.

“What happened?” Eddie asked, holding your hand as you dabbed it dry, wincing as you did so.

You shook your head, not answering him as you took the towel away to blow on the raw skin of your busted knuckles. You had gotten lemon juice and salt on them from cleaning the cutting board you had used this morning, and it hurt like a bitch.

Eddie froze for a second. Where had you gotten bruised and scraped up knuckles from? You hadn’t had those this morning…

In a quick scan, he checked you over for injuries. If you had a bruised cheekbone or black-eye that he somehow missed during dinner. But you were clean, so he could cross fight off the list.

“Nena… what happened?”

His voice was gentle as he took the towel away from you and pressed a gentle kiss to your knuckles. He was worried, because last time he started coming home with busted knuckles he was underground fighting…

But you wouldn’t do that? Would you?

“I was at the gym and I scraped it, not a big deal.”

He nodded and rubbed his thumb gently over it. “Let me finish the dishes.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Eddie was going to finish the dishes, and he wasn’t going to argue.

You sighed and moved out of the way, letting him take over but you didn’t leave and instead wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head on his back. After your day at work and then going so hard at the gym, you need this comfort. The domesticity of it all, the safety of it all.

Over the next few weeks things seemed to be getting a little better. Sure, you were still having nightmares and coming home with slightly bruised knuckles but Eddie’s surprise touches didn’t spook you anymore. You were also considering becoming more intimate with Eddie again as he seemed to be doing better as well and was seeking out the contact again.

Things were just slowly coming back to normal, well as normal as the could be, but things were getting better

But then something happened at work, and it set all of your progress back.

You were walking to your desk from the supply closet with more file folders, since you were doing some re-organizing and needed new ones, when you bumped into someone.

They caught you before you fell, steadying you with their hands on your waist. Huffing out a surprised laugh, you looked up to thank them but you nearly choked on air when you saw whose hands were on you.

Panic shot through you like lightning and you put distance between you and Scott immediately, not caring if it was rude or not.

“Woah, Y/N, you okay?” He asked, but the smirk pulling at the corner of his lips told you that he knew the answer.

How could you be okay? After not seeing him that up close for months, then all of a sudden his hands are on you again and you’re back to being the weak little girl you were in the break room that night.

“S-S-Scott, I-I thought you were um late shift?” You stuttered, your eyes looking for escapes to your desk in your periphery.

He put a hand in his pocket nonchalantly, attempting to lure you into a false sense of security, that that side of his body was safe to escape through – it wasn’t.

“Oh, I am, but I decided to come in on a Saturday. I needed another day on my paycheck since I took a day off this week.”

You nodded, jaw setting and grinding your back teeth together as you tried to avoid looking at his face. “I see. Well Scott, if you’ll excuse me I need to get… get back to my desk.” You cursed yourself for starting so confident but then losing it as the breath just slowly got pulled from your lungs.

Scott just smirked. He could see the fear in your eyes and the cottonmouth you were getting just being in his presence. He thrived on it, knowing that corporate wasn’t going to follow up on the claim you made to HR and that you weren’t in a great position to quit so you had to stay for just a little longer.

But he just caught you one unlucky night where you had to stay late to finish a project, considering you didn’t work the night hours because you usually needed to be home with Chris because Eddie was working a shift. The one time Buck was off you took advantage of it and stayed late to catch up.

And you haven’t stayed late since…

“Oh, by all means, don’t let me stop you, I was just on my way to get some coffee.”

You were trying so hard not to clam up and just bolt to your desk and pack up. But you calmly nodded and just squatted down to pick up the folders you dropped.

You hated having your back to him and your hands shook furiously as you collected the pale yellow folders.

“You look like you could use a break, why don’t you join me?” Scott’s voice was right in your ear. It was low and raspy as his hand gripped your shoulder.

Trying your best to just shrug it off, you shook your head. “No, I’m alright. I need to get back to work.”

He clicked his tongue and shook his head, “I insist.” His voice was demanding as his fingers curled around your joint and dug into your collarbone.

Instantly your arm shot up and pushed him off you. “I said no.”

You scooped up the remaining folders and dignity and went toward your desk. Just to have fingers curled around your wrist and pulling you back into a hard chest.

“I’m trying to be nice and you’re being a bitch.”

Rolling your lips between your teeth, you tried to yank your wrist away – twisting and pulling at his grip to get him to let go. “You just don’t know how to understand the word ‘no’. I don’t want coffee, I just want to go to my desk.”

You swallowed, finally looking in his eyes, shredding any last dignity you had. “Please Scott… you got what you wanted, just leave me alone… please…”

The canines he bared as he smiled wide made you sick to your stomach, but as he opened his mouth to speak his attention was pulled away and you took that chance to free yourself. You twisted your wrist and pushed the files into his chest before booking it to your desk.

After gathering your things and rushing to your manager’s office, pleading to her with shaky hands as you told her something had happened and you needed to get home to Chris.

She immediately let you leave, not questioning it as you thanked her and ran out to your car.

The drive home was a total blur, taking the turns on auto pilot as you tried not to break down before you were in the safety of your own home and not risking anyone else’s safety.

And when you finally got home, you were booking it to the fridge to get a cold water bottle to maybe shock your system into calming down. But in your haste you missed the fact that Buck and Chris are home, and not out at the aquarium like you thought they were.

Buck had heard you come in and watched you nearly trip over yourself to get to the kitchen, abandoning your purse and keys on the floor.

Chris had seen it too and looked at Buck concerned, having never once seen you like this. “Buck?” Buck ruffled Chris’s hair, “I’ll go see what’s up. You stay here okay?” Chris just nodded and watched Buck get up and go to the kitchen.

Buck went to the kitchen, finding you chugging the cold water as you white knuckled the counter.

“Y/N? You’re home early.”

The way you jumped, hand clenching around the bottle so hard that water shot out of it – it would have been comical had the dilated look in your wide eyes not set off alarm bells in Buck’s head.

You watched, caught like a deer in headlights, as concern washed over Buck’s face and filled his eyes with pity. Immediately your back was turned to him, shielding your breaking resolve from his helping hand.

With the blood pounding in your ears, you missed his approach until he was touching you. You jerked again under his touch, weakly muttering out, “P-please don’t touch me.”

Buck’s heart sank. He had never heard you sound like this before… so broken…

It sent him back to the night Eddie had destroyed your room in a fit of helplessness, how terrified his best friend was. How you sat with Eddie, him now remembering your bruised knuckles encasing Eddie’s in an act of comfort.

“Y/N… what happened? What’s wrong?”

“No-nothing, just-just…”

He tried to turn you and get you to face him, to get a read on your face and figure out what to do. But you yelped and pushed him back, sending his stunned 6’2” frame into the table.

“Buck you need to leave…”

“Y/N-”

“Leave Evan!”

Buck swallowed, trying not to be hurt as he turned on his heel and went to say goodbye to Christopher.

You watched him leave the kitchen, your ears hot and tingling as you looked at the mess you made. You needed to clean it up before Chris came in here and slipped.

Hearing Buck close the front door, you carefully made your way to the laundry room to get a dirty bath towel to clean it up. Your vision tunneled, your ears rang and you felt that sick snag in your chest as the air was stopping half way down your throat.

By the time you get there your legs can barely hold you up as you get to the washer and sink down to the floor. Sobs are wracking your chest and you can only pray Chris can’t hear you.

But your prayers went unanswered, because Chris can hear you and he is scared.

Your broken sobs and ragged breathing are reminding him of the night Eddie punched those holes in the wall… and the night you came home and took a long shower thinking Chris was asleep and couldn’t hear you crying through the wall.

Chris abandoned the video game in front of him and put himself on a mission to find you. He could follow the sound of your cries to where you were sitting on the cold floor, head between your knees as you tried to breathe regularly.

“Y/N?” He gently called out, hoping you could hear him.

He watched you thread your hands in your hair and pull at the roots, sucking in jagged breaths just for them to be forced out with the next sob.

He didn’t like seeing you like this and he hated that he wasn’t sure how to help. But he knew he had to try.

Chris called out your name again as he approached you, not wanting to scare you and send you further into your panic. You must have recognized his voice because you seemed to calm down just a bit. He sat down on the floor next to you and put his hands on yours on top of your head.

“You’re safe, it’s okay, Y/N. I’m here.” He recalled the phrases you had repeated to him when he was having trouble after the tsunami. He had to pull from what he was shown, he had barely anything to go off of and he just had to hope that it was enough.

With Chris putting his hands on yours, talking to you gently, you could feel yourself slowly calming down. His hands were so drastically different from the ones that had bruised your skin, that it managed to remind you that you were home and that you were safe.

“Please, Y/N…”

You look up at him slowly, your hands letting go of your hair and holding his hands. “It’s okay, you’re safe.” Chris moved your hands to his face, hoping that it can help to ground you.

Your thumbs immediately began to rub back and forth on his cheeks, him taking deep breaths to help you find a rhythm. “Follow me, Y/N. Just like you tell me…”

Chris watched the fog clear from your eyes as you began to calm down and lean forward to press a kiss to his head as a thank you before resting your forehead on his. He wrapped his arms around you as best he could and you pulled him into your lap, your head falling to his shoulder.

You sat there for a bit in silence, rubbing Chris’s back as you managed to collect yourself.

“I’m sorry if I scared you, Chris. I didn’t mean to,” you apologized, breaking the silence. “Are you okay?” His voice was soft and gentle as he pulled back a little. You’re nodding immediately, “I’m better now, thank you buddy.”

“Do I need to call Dad?”

You shook your head, “No, it’s okay. I’ll be alright.”

He nodded before tilting his head a little, “Why are you mad at Buck? Did he do something bad?”

Your heart sank. He had heard you yell at Buck, and you hardly ever yelled around Chris – if ever. And now you’ve come home early, yelled at one of your best friends, and had a full blown panic attack with Christopher as a witness.

“Oh Chris… Buck didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have yelled at him. I’m not mad.”

“Why did you yell at him?”

“I was just feeling a lot of things and it was just what happened. I could have handled it better and I will in the future,” you said gently as you pushed some of his curls back.

You sniffled a little bit, “Why don’t you go back to the living room and I’ll make you some lunch after I get changed?” You gave him the best smile you could and kissed his forehead after he nodded.

“Okay, let’s go.”

Eddie had come home around 5:30 to you already finishing up on getting dinner ready.

“Honey? What are you doing home?”

“Oh, I got the stuff I need to get done early so I decided to just come home,” you said nonchalantly with a shrug.

He smiled and came up behind you to kiss your cheek before he went to get changed. But as he placed his hand on the small of your back, you jumped.

Eddie’s brow furrowed, you had never reacted like that to him. But he didn’t get to ask you, because you turned your head and planted a kiss on his lips. “I love you, Eddie.” He smiled softly and kissed your forehead, “I love you too, Y/N.”

You wrapped your arms around him and buried your face into his shoulder, smelling his coffee and whiskey body spray. He hugged you back, albeit a little confused, but he could tell you needed this.

After a few moments, you pulled back, “Go get changed and cleaned up, I’ll have it plated for you by the time you get back.” He nodded and kissed your temple, “Yes ma’am.”

You smiled and pecked his jaw before he went to change.

When he came back, Eddie found you and Chris at the table, his plate made up for him just like you said it would be.

“It looks fantastic, Honey, thank you,” he said, announcing his presence before touching your shoulder and kissing the top of your head. You smiled at him, “Of course, Sweetheart.” He sat down next to you, his hand on your thigh, just resting there as you ate.

You talked about his day and everything that went on – you having been getting his twitter notifications and just wanted a little more detail.

But when he turned and asked you about your day, you clammed up and just told him it was like any other day, you just skipped the gym today because you wanted to surprise him with dinner. And you left it at that, leaving no more room for conversation about your day.

After dinner you all went to the living room to watch movies before Chris went to bed. It was your weekend routine.

Except tonight you broke routine.

You decided that you wanted to go ahead and go to the gym, just to get a small workout in before you went to bed. So, after you did the dishes you got in your gym clothes and gave Chris a hug and Eddie a quick kiss before leaving.

It had all happened so quickly that Eddie didn’t get a chance to really slow you down and ask you what was up. This behavior was just so off to him that he just wanted an explanation.

And he did… just not from you.

After you lifted weights for God knows how long, you finally went over to the punching bag.

You had been on autopilot the moment you left the house.

And yeah, you felt bad for just leaving Eddie hanging like that. Giving him no explanation other than you just wanted to. But you had been thrumming since your panic attack, using that energy on deep cleaning and laundry — too on edge to rest or sit still.

You needed an aggressive outlet for all that energy, you had to get to the gym.

So that’s where you’ve been. Lifting weights and running until near collapse.

Now you were hastily wrapping your hands to take it all out on the punching bag. The poor inanimate object becoming the true outlet of your emotions, taking blow after blow as you wail on it. Your emotions from earlier in the day being released in the form of punches.

You hated that Scott was able to revert you back to the scared girl you were that night, smothering all the progress you had thought you made.

The swinging sandbag in front of you felt like a wall as you hit it with every you had. Flashes of that night played behind your closed lids as you seemingly lost control.

You could feel his hands on you again, touching you with evil intentions. His hands mocked Eddie, tainted the loving touch of your boyfriend with his greediness.

Your hips digging into the counter, bruised with the force of Scott pinning you in place. You couldn’t escape, you didn’t know how to escape.

With each moment flashing, each ghostly touch reminding you of what he did to you in the break room, you punched harder — oblivious to the pain shooting up your arm with each solid hit.

You couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to stop.

You just wanted it all to go away.

And in those moments you didn’t feel the tears running down your cheeks, you were numb. You hadn’t noticed the break in your poorly wrapped tape, which allowed your bare knuckles to meet with the canvas bag.

The tears and dissociation blurred your vision and you were blind to the fact the red spots and streaks covering the rough beige fabric was your own blood.

You had broken the skin on your knuckles, staining the sandbag with your blood as tears stained your cheeks.

But when you land a particularly hard punch and your shoulder pops grotesquely next to your ear do you snap out of it.

“Oh fuck!”

Your curse was picked up by a nearby girl who had come in at the same time as you.

“Oh my goodness! Are you okay?!”

Your head whipped up to look at her and you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror.

You didn’t look good, covered head to toe in red splotches and sweat. You looked down at your knuckles and saw that your tape was practically non-existent and your hand was covered in crimson.

“Ma’am? Are you okay?”

You blinked and looked at the girl. “Yeah… yes yes I’m fine. I just… I need to go home. My boyfriend is probably worried.”

“Are you sure? That crack sounded bad…”

“Thank you for your concern but I’m alright. You have a good night and be safe, please.”

She could only nod as you quickly grabbed your bag and went out to your car.

You knew you’d be driving with just one arm and you really didn’t want to deal with an midnight ER on a Saturday night so you went straight home — knowing that you’d need Eddie.

Eddie sat in the living room, his knee bouncing with nerves as he waited for you to get home.

You hadn’t answered your phone and he was starting to get worried. With his line of work, he was already thinking the worst. Did you get into an accident? Did you get taken? He had his radio on the coffee table listening closely while he waited, hoping that he didn’t hear anything related to you come over the device.

Then he heard it. The front door opening and closing followed by keys in the bowl and a bag hitting the floor.

You were home, so at least there’s that relief.

He looked up and over as you walked by, arm cradling the other as you sniffled.

“Chris was worried about you.”

Eddie watched you tense, but you didn’t turn to face him.

He stood walking over to you. “He told me you had a panic attack when you came home today, you know, after you yelled at Buck to leave. Then you weren’t here when he went to bed. He knows something is wrong, and he’s worried it’s his fault.”

That made you turn, allowing Eddie to see the rush of tears on your face as you still cradled your arm.

“No, God no. This is nowhere near Chris’s fault.” Your voice was thick with emotion as you spoke and the realization dawned on you that you would have to tell Eddie everything.

“Did I do something? Because I thought we talked about things and worked things out. If I did, please tell me… I want to fix it… I can’t lose you…”

“Oh Eddie…”

“Please mi vida…” Eddie’s voice was soft and low as he rubbed your arms.

You covered your mouth, attempting to conceal the sob of pain and regret. But you couldn’t hide the small yelp or your bloody fist.

Concerned, Eddie put his hands on your shoulders, freezing when he felt the slipped ball and socket joint and you sobbed into your hand.

“Sweetheart?”

“Fix it… please, it hurts so bad…”

Eddie nodded and carefully got himself into position, “You ready?” “Just do i- AH!” Mid sentence, Eddie popped your shoulder back into place.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” he soothed as you sobbed into his shoulder.

“I’m sorry Eddie… I’m so sorry…”

He ran a hand through the hair at the back of your head, “Hey, lets get your hands cleaned up okay? Then we’ll talk, yeah?”

You nodded before stepping back, instinctively wiping your face with the back of your hand — smearing a little blood on your face.

Eddie tensed a little, that was the worst he’s seen your knuckles and it was starting to look suspicious to him. But you had come home the other times with no other injuries so he had no reason to question you about it.

But he could see clearly that something was wrong. Very wrong.

Eddie gently grabbed your hand and took you to the kitchen.

Without a word he sat you on the counter and grabbed the med kit from under the sink.

You both stayed quiet as he dampened a towel and cleaned you up, he inspected for tenderness and any signs of trauma to your hands other than the obvious.

Once he was done, you both sat in silence for a moment before you spoke up.

“It’s not what it may look like…”

“Oh yeah? Cause it looks like you’ve been fighting. I've seen the bruises on your knuckles but I don’t say anything because I didn’t want to assume. But after today I don’t know what to think.”

Your eyes fill with tears and you shake your head. “That’s not it, I swear. It’s just…” A weight settled on your chest as you realized this was the moment you would have to tell him and possibly change your relationship forever.

“Honey… please talk to me, I’m scared. I don’t want to lose you.”

And with that the damn was broken and you sobbed into your hands.

Eddie gave you a moment to calm down, comforting you as best he could until you were ready.

Once you were composed, you spilled everything.

From you needing to stay late to you going to the break room for a snack to when Scott walked in and shoved your dignity in the paper shredder.

Eddie was listening intently, his rage rising in his body but he tried not to show it and keep a gentle expression for your sake.

But hearing you, here and now, sounding so ashamed and scared. Recounting the night in detail.

And he had been so caught up in the job change that he hadn’t noticed. He hadn’t noticed that the love of his life was suffering because he wasn’t there.

It wasn’t until his son came to him that he noticed something was wrong.

“Eddie, I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry,” you sobbed, clinging onto him. “It didn’t… I didn’t want it, please you have to believe me.”

He felt his heart shatter in his chest.

You were begging for forgiveness for something that wasn’t your fault.

“I believe you Sweetheart, I believe you.”

He pulled back a little, “I-Is this why you’ve been going to the gym?” You nodded, whimpering a little as more tears filled your eyes, “You won’t always be there… and I just… I want to be ready to protect myself or Christopher.”

You held your hand up and flexed it a little, “I saw Scott for the first time since that night today at work, that’s why I had the panic attack. And I needed an outlet, I didn’t know I was bleeding until I dislocated my shoulder.”

Eddie wiped your eyes, “Y/N I’m so sorry I never noticed… I should have been there…” You shake your head, “I didn’t tell you Eddie, you were going through a lot and I didn’t want to add on…”

He frowned a little but kissed your forehead. It made him feel awful that you thought you couldn’t come to him. You were processing something alone while helping him get better and that wasn’t fair.

“Would you be willing to go to a professional about this? For you and for us? Just so we can learn to get through this together,” he laced your fingers together and kissed your knuckles.

You nodded and pressed your forehead to his, “I want to try.” You brought in a breath, “I have to quit my job…”

He hummed and nodded against you, “Please quit, I make enough, we'll be okay. And we can pull from savings if we need to.”

“Thank you.”

Eddie nudged your nose with his, “I love you, so much.”

You smiled softly and flattened your palm over his heart, “I love you too, Eds. So so much.”

He wrapped you in his arms and just held you there. Planting gentle kisses to your head and whispering little jokes in your ear to make you laugh.

And that’s when you knew that it would all be okay, that it would be better. Maybe not tomorrow, but someday.

As long as you had Eddie, you would be okay.

taglists: @bradleybeachbabe @valmare @fanboyswhore9 @cassiemitchell @startrekfangirl2233

hi, if you're seeing this and are currently not on the taglist and would like to be please fill out the taglist form -> whumptober taglist

i can not stress this enough, but whumptober can have some very serious and heavy topics and i want to make sure i am doing my part as an author to prepare my readers for what they are about to experience and that includes not only warnings above but my taglists as well

so if you want to be added check out the masterlist and read that carefully and fill out the form -> whumptober 2023

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unrealisticlea · 1 year

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can’t believe we almost didn’t get Madney and Jee Yun.

can you imagine Eddie and Maddie being a couple like the writers wanted. she would be great with Chris and Eddie would try his best but they would be sooo bad together (and their ship name would be meddie that’s enough for me to hate this)

she loves real movies where people overcome real obstacles together and he’s into soap operas (“to practice his spanish” sure buddy). She buys Hildy because she loves coffee but Eddie unplugs her every night because he’s a technophobe so every morning she has to spend 15 minutes setting up the coffee maker. Eddie says “well if you need 15 minutes it’s not that good is it” and she bites his head off. They fight about this at least once every 2-3 days. Buck takes his sister’s side and Eddie pushes him in a lake when they’re wrapping up a call.

she loves her brother very dearly but she HATES living with him and when she moves in with Eddie…well. Buck’s not really a guest. she wakes up and Buck is there to pick up Eddie for work. She gets home and Buck is there to help Chris with his soda+vinegar volcano project . He keeps organizing her kitchen like bobby taught him because he loves cooking for them and that’s very sweet but she can never find anything.

Eddie and Maddie have very different senses of humor. So she makes a joke like “I’m considering moving into Buck’s loft because I wanna see less of him” and Eddie doesn’t laugh. then he makes one of his dry jokes like “well you can’t because then he’d have to sleep with me” and she doesn’t laugh. no one is having fun here.

anyway, what I’m trying to say is everyone should worship Jennifer Love Hewitt for saying “no, she should be with Chimney instead”. and they fit perfectly together and their daughter is the cutest and happiest child and their scenes make me cry (I think about “mama leave?” “no mama stays” everyday) and Boston is one of the best episodes in the show and their home should be featured on Architectural Digest and doesn’t need more flowers fuck you Margaret

#one of the best ideas the show had and it didn’t come from the writing room #madney #maddie buckley #eddie diaz #911 fox #meddie I guess

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firehousefreak911 · 3 months

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Hello. I love your content. You can write an image where Eddie Diaz and Female reader have a relationship and Eddie cheats on the reader with Christoper's teacher The reader finds out and Eddie repents and seeks to fix things. ❤️🙈

I’m Sorry

Note: this was a hard one for me to write. I had the fights and every thing down but the make up was difficult for personal reasons. But here you go!

It was the third night in 2 weeks that Eddie came home late from shift. When you asked him he would avoid eye contact and simply tell you he had been running errands. The first time you believed him, the second night you were doubtful but this time you knew better.

You were sitting on the couch watching some old movie. You weren’t really watching you were distracted by the idea of your husband being with someone else. Christopher sat down on the couch next to you. He laid his head on your shoulder.

“Mom, where’s dad? He promised me he would be home in time to hear about my day.” Your step son asked. You squeezed his shoulder.

“I don’t know buddy, I haven’t heard from him” you replied.

“Why don’t you go get ready for bed? You don’t have to go to sleep yet but just get comfortable and watch a movie or play a video game.” You suggested. He agreed and went off to get ready.

Hours passed, Christopher fell asleep. You sat in the dark on the couch. You heard the front door unlock. You listened to the sound of his keys hitting the table.

“Where have you been?” You ask startling him.

“Out, I had things to do” he replied

“It’s 2 am, what could you be doing?” You replied getting mad.

“Don’t start y/n, it’s been a long day” he whispered.

“Our son stayed up all waiting for his dad to come home so he could at least see him before bed, but you never showed, he fell asleep waiting” you stated, walking towards the kitchen.

“He’s my son” he replied. You stopped in your tracks.

“Excuse me?” You turned and stepped towards him.

“You are just his step mom” Eddie replied coldly

“I am the one who packs him up and takes him to school, I am the one who holds him and tells him everything is ok when you decide not to come home, every time we get a phone call saying your hurt I am the one who comforts him. Don’t you dare say I’m not his mom” you say holding back angry tears. You push past him to the bedroom. He slept on the couch.

You wake up to the smell waffles and bacon. You make your way to the kitchen to find Christopher and Eddie making breakfast.

“Good morning buddy, whatcha got there?” You ask pressing a kiss to Christopher head.

“We made breakfast!” He cheers.

Eddie walks over and tries to kiss your cheek. You pull away.

You put on a fake smile and sit down next to Chris, that boy turns it into a real smile though. You love hearing Chris talk about everything that makes him happy. You finish eating, Eddie says he will do the dishes.

You go get ready for the day. You take Chris to his friend’s house and run some errands. You get back to a spotless house. Eddie isn’t there though. Your not surprised. You sit on the couch and attempted to read a book but you can’t focus. A few hours past and Eddie comes home.

The odor of a strange perfume smacks you in the face. It all makes sense now. The late nights, the anger outburst, the secrets, he was having an affair. You put your book down.

“Who is she?” You ask calmly.

“What?” He ask

“I said who is she?” You ask

“Who is who?” He ask, playing dumb.

“Come on Eddie, don’t play dumb, I deserve better, I deserve the truth” you state, standing up.

He sighs and sits down on the couch solemnly. He runs his hands over this face.

“I’m sorry, ok? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to let it go this far. I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry” he whimpered

“Who is she?” I state, remaining calm and quiet.

“Julia, Julia Adams” he whispered.

“Our son’s teacher!?” You reply shocked.

“I’m sorry, it started off as a tutoring session. She was helping me figure out the curriculum so I could help Chris, and then it slowly turned into more” he said sounding defeated. He gets up.

“I cant believe you” you turn and lean on the table behind the couch. He walks towards you. He tries to rub your back but you pull away.

“I’m sorry Eddie, I need some time” you rush off to the bedroom to pack some stuff.

~~~

It had been a few days, you had tried to avoid Eddie as much as possible while still picking Chris up and taking him to and from school. You weren’t ready to face him yet. You loved him but you didn’t know if that love was enough to heal your open wounds.

You were staying with Hen and Karen while you picked your life back up. They were both at work and Denny was at school. You heard a knock at the door. Before you could answer it, you heard a voice.

“Y/n, baby? It’s me, please answer the door! I know you’re in there, please can we talk? I miss you! Please! I’m sorry!” You didn’t want to open it but you also didn’t want him causing a scene.

You slowly open the door. You find a disheveled Eddie standing there.

“What?” You say coldly.

“Can we please talk?” He begs.

“Im listening” you reply backing up into the house to let him in. He follows you in and sits down.

“I screwed up, I know, I am sorry, but please don’t give up on us” he says trying to grab your hand.

“Why shouldn’t I? Seems like you already did” you say pulling away, “just tell me one thing, why? Why her, why anyone, was I not enough?”

“Thats not it, I love you with everything I have, but she gave me a different kind of attention. You love me for me, she saw only the brave firefighter who would do anything for his son, with you, it’s well you see my bruised and battered heart and mind and love me anyway. I don’t know, I guess I just liked being the hero again.”

For the first time in days you actually looked at him. He was worn out.

“Eddie I love you and everything about you. You are a brave firefighter who would die for his son, you were a dedicated husband and friend. You beat your self down daily trying to be better than the day before. I love you because I’ve seen how far you’ve came over the years.” You say grabbing his hands. “I’m sorry for rushing out the other day. I love you”

#911fanfic #edmundo diaz x y/n #edmundo eddie diaz x reader #eddie x y/n #eddie x you #eddie x reader #eddie díaz #eddie diaz x y/n #eddie diaz x reader #eddie diaz imagines #eddie diaz

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tommy-evan · 1 year

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i know we're tired of the lawsuit arc because it was beat to death by the uwu buck stans but c'mon it was actually so good especially if you, i don't know, actually watch it and take in the fact that it was all about eddie and how he's starting to fall apart after repressing so much of his hurt and anger about shannon wanting to divorce him, he doesn't get to feel anything about that because she dies, and before he can grieve him, he's surrounded by family that's wanting to take his kid, and so he focuses on that

and he gets back to work as some sort of reprieve but no, this guy he met a few months ago who has now become one of his closest friend gets crushed by a firetruck, and i know we don't see what happens between s2 and s3 but s3 really starts with eddie having enough access in buck's life to be able to come into his apartment and pull him out of his bed, so they got close. they're best friends, and he knows his best friend is going through it, and he had a moment of 'maybe he should just suck it up' and was corrected and he tried to correct himself by giving said friend his heart because nothing lightens his day more than chris, and a tsunami hits them, and he thinks everything is okay because they're in the movies but no, suddenly, he's living in a world where his kid is dead, even for just a few seconds, eddie lived in a world where chris was gone, atop of everything else

and we know he feels a lot about it, feels so much about it, that he gives his best friend his heart again, because there is no one else in the world he trusts more than him, and there's that lightness, that reprieve for a little bit you know, but then the nightmares start. the nightmares start and his kid is suffering and hiding things from him and suddenly he feels like he is dragging his kid down, and he wants to help him, and he needs help to, but at this point there is still so much pride in him, he never want to see weak, so he turns it all in, and leaves it there and he doesn't ask for help, he wants to ask for help, but at this point he can't because he can't talk to his best friend because he sued, so when he sees him again, he's just so sad and he's so angry, and there's so much pain in that, and it's easy to just ignore it, and be angry because at least that hurt he can control. but he's only angry at himself for never being good enough, but never angry towards his friend, never his friend, who he forgives the moment they talk again, because even after all of that, he is still loving and he is still kind despite of all the pain and the anger

eddie goes through so much and he works through so much during the lawsuit and i hate that it's shadowed by how a lot of folks in fandom just made it all about buck when it had some of eddie's best character development full of hurt and angst and hope and life, and just, it's so good, but nah, majority don't see that. they just see this angry man being mean to their boy that can do no wrong and it's just unfair

#9-1-1 #911 meta #eddie diaz #none of these are original thoughts i'm just in my loving eddie diaz hours right now #just want to add: i know eddie wasn't the only one going through something #but he is the focus of this post #L writes things #911 fox

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diazfox · 10 days

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https://www.tumblr.com/diazfox/747945105989779456/lets-all-be-honest-the-fandom-doesnt-care-about

It’s interesting this anon seems to be confused how buck Tommy people are being told they are fetishizing things, because all I keep seeing is Buck Tommy endgamers posting how hot they are. How they want to see them kiss over and over and over. How they keep going and watching the one kiss they did have for the 40th time in a row. Or I see them ranting and raving how Tommy’s so nice and patient with Buck. (which that’s called being a decent human being??) but I’d like to know what they considering his behavior when he made a very pointed comment about closets in front of Eddie and Marisol? Knowing full well Buck wasn’t out to anyone? Or when he just got in an Uber and left Buck there without communicating fully? And never actually apologized to him for it? Just a I didn’t want you to feel pressured. Which again A) communicate that before leaving him in front of a restaurant, and B) How was any of his reaction meant to not make him feel pressured. And not to excuse Buck because his reaction was not good at all during that date but ✨he apologized✨

But the people on the buddie side are posting how they want buddie, the relationship they have seen for 6 years be built from the ground up, the way their foundation has been solidified, the way they are each others best friend, their person, the way they love each other, the way they co parent Chris, the way they are there for each other like no one else, the way it’s been nurtured, the people who want this and to not just settle, because that’s exactly what it would be. Oh we got bi Buck confirmed let’s just settle for the first random person he comes across. Which is insane to me that people are actually ok with. Like He’s been on 1 bad date with Tommy. He’s kissed him once. And he’s known him for, per the show, 2 weeks. 2 weeks vs 6 years of blood, sweat, tears, love, vulnerability, emotional connection, chemistry, family building, trust.

this ate anon, thank you!

the 2 weeks vs 6 years really helps to put things into perspective and i'm glad people like u can see where i'm coming from instead of just screaming at me that i'm being insecure about my ship (what? are we 10 year olds?) and/or being a bucktommy hater and not letting people enjoy things (idk how many more times i'm gonna have to repeat that i hope nothing but the best for bucktommy)

i 100% support the bi rep and everything bucktommy bc its fucking adorable and buck deserves to be pursued, to be flustered and be on the receiving end instead of giving all the time. but let's keep our eye on the ball please? let's not settle for something just bc it's canon or bc it's enough. let's take a moment to reflect deeply about why we want to give so much support to a ship we've known for a grand total of 4 episodes and want an endgame for them when we barely know tommy (and a good part of what we know is alr quite controversial to begin with.)

#911 #911 on abc #evan buckley #buddie #911 abc #eddie diaz #911 season 7 #bucktommy #tommy kinard

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matan4il · 1 year

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Buddie 615 meta

Before we really get into it, I’m just gonna snicker for a second over the fact that the death doula is named Natalia. Why? The name is related to the Latin term for Christmas Day, which is the holiday when Jesus was born. So the word that the name comes from is related to birth, natal. There’s a touch of irony there, that they gave this name to the girl who is not just a death doula, but who looks like she’s actually into death (who thinks dying for a few minutes is cool or amazing. I have to say, it’s not. It’s a good thing to accept death as a part of life, one that heightens life’s meaning, and help others do the same, it’s another to think that the physically and emotionally scarring experience of being dead for a few minutes is “cool”) and I think that’s an interesting tone to choose when introducing Buck’s new Love Interest. (if you’re into it, you can find more name meanings for 911 characters here) ~~

The scene of Eddie and Chris at the cemetery was very touching. It also spoke volumes on how Buck has taken the same role in Christopher’s life as Shannon. We saw in eps 611 as well as this one that Chris is hoping to be heard by the parent that life has taken away from him (Shannon for good, Buck temporarily). What I find interesting is that with the hospital visit, Eddie must understand this on some level. Even with the guardianship reveal, no one has ever explicitly referred to Buck as Chrstopher’s other dad. But he is, and moments like this cement it. We talk about these parallels, but Eddie gets to live them. He witnesses with his own eyes his son talking about Buck in the same way he does about Shannon. Eddie KNOWS what Buck is to their family unit and it’s not just an emergency guardian. ~~

Which connects me to something I touched upon in my 614 meta, Eddie’s journey. He’s supposedly been okay with dating again since 406, but in the last ep we discovered that he’s still held back by past trauma from his failed relationship with Shannon. She’s featured heavily in this ep, too. Her being Christopher’s mom means she’s a presence in Eddie’s life who will always be there. A reminder of how things can go wrong, meaning romantically, but also just in terms of how unexpected death can be.

It pained me to go from Eddie admitting in 614 that he didn’t want to be alone, to him echoing the words of their deceased vic, “We’re all gonna die alone.” That’s something I’ve heard people saying not so much regarding the question of whether there would be someone by your side when you pass away. More like, when death claims us, we all embark on that last journey into the dark unknown on our own. Whether there’s something after death or not, we’ll all discover that completely by ourselves. That’s such a deeply lonely thought, and we see Eddie trying to deal with it in this ep by not postponing seeing his parents. He realizes he was wrong to assume they got time, because death might come for us at any given moment, just like it happened with Shannon. It’s a continuation of his journey, which is obviously not over yet, but to me it’s quite surprising how this week’s ep actually joined Buck and Eddie’s with the common theme of death, but specifically death intertwined with their romantic life. I think each of them is such a fascinating character in its own right, so why the need to connect their journeys like this? I am staring at you, 911. ~~

I was happy that Eddie brought up what a bad idea it is for Buck to be dating someone they helped on a call. This has been a theme with Buck since he meets the snake lady on a call in 101, through Ali in 202, Taylor in 206 and now Natalia. In other words, this has a big, red sign al over it that says it’s doomed to fail, but our Buck is once more failing to notice that. Hopefully the rest of the events in 6b will help him learn and stop making this particular mistake, where he connects his idea of having self-worth only as a firefighter with thinking he can only be romantically desirable to those he helps on calls. ~~

I wrote in this ask reply about the insanity of how Buck and Eddie seem to always start dating again in consecutive eps. As if 911 is not unhinged enough about that, we also have Buck and Eddie being obstructive with the other guy’s dating attempts, first Buck suggesting ghosting to Eddie as a way of blowing off his date with Vanessa in 614, and now Eddie right away pointing out that it’s not a great idea for Buck to be dating Natalia.

We have seen Buddie dating multiple people over the course of almost 5 seasons now, and not a single time have we seen either man on screen approve of their best friend’s romantic partner. Almost like there’s just no one who’s good enough for the man they love so much, right? No one, because on some level, they know what we do, too. That no one else can compete with what the two of them have together. Which is why none of these LIs feel right and acceptable as partners for their best friend. ~~

I love that right off the bat, we got a reminder that Eddie knows Buck better than everyone, on very intimate levels. Just like Eddie knew when Buck was having an emergency session with Dr. Copeland back in 404, while even Bobby as their captain didn’t, we now saw Eddie knows how well Buck handles his taxes. It’s such spouse behavior. Most of us do not have best friends who keep tabs on how we handle governmental bureaucracy, right? But then the end of this ep circles back to this idea and gives us that scene at the cemetery where Eddie proves that this is true not just when it comes to the small things of daily life. He sees Buck, knows him, understands him and Eddie accepts him in every possible way. Which is why he can say that Buck has indeed been different since the lightning strike, an awareness we don’t hear from anyone else, not even from Maddie, Buck’s very close and loving sister.

It reminded me of how Buck said in 309 that Eddie can be honest with him. Then in 511 Buck repeated a variation of that, saying Eddie doesn’t have to pretend with him. In 513 and 514, Eddie got to be indeed fully open with Buck, just as this was paralleled in 612, where Buck was honest with Eddie. This ep continued to expand on this theme, with Eddie reassuring Buck that he doesn’t need to be anything for anyone. And I loved that in an ep where Buck has just started dating someone new, where he thinks she sees him better than anyone, the person who still gets him the most is Eddie, and that’s the person Buck shares himself with the most, too. There is not a single thing Natalia said to him or that he said to her during their date that can rival the intimacy of the cemetery talk. And if Buck still needs a wake up call to see that, well. I do think there’s a good chance he’ll get one, maybe even very soon.

~~ (my weekly meta posts) (my Buddie gifs) (all of my content)

~~ ~~ My tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here.

~~ I'm so thankful to the beautiful @eddiediaaz for the meta gifs this week! Not only did she step in when my regular giffer couldn’t do it this week, she also made so much effort to make sure the gifs are made as soon as possible, so the meta can be posted as early as possible as well. She’s just amazing and I hope everyone gives her a big round of applause! Merci, cherie!

~~ Thank you to anyone supporting these meta posts. I could never express enough how grateful I am and that they continue to exist thanks to you!

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blushweddinggowns · 8 months

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“I know,” Eddie groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I know I said I’d be there, but Chris we have all year don’t we? And you can come visit me here-”

“Why on earth would I ever go back to Indiana?” Chrissy asked. Eddie didn’t have to see her to know that she had a hand on her hip while she was chewing him out, “And risk seeing my parents? Hell no.”

“It’s Indianapolis-”

“It’s a hundred-mile radius. I’m not taking the odds,” Chrissy interrupted, “Not to mention, this whole thing is so stupid! And maybe if you just told me why you were being so weird I wouldn’t have to be so pissed.”

Yeah, like hell he was doing that. Because things with Steve had…escalated.

For one thing, they were dating, exclusively. And maybe that hadn’t been made explicit, but it might as well have. Or…at least Eddie hoped it might as well have. But it’s not like Steve could be seeing anyone else right? He worked five days out of the week and he talked to Eddie at least an hour or more a day. Where would he find the time? But he was losing the thread here. A common thing when it came to Steve-related thoughts. Besides, why was he even thinking of shit like exclusivity, when he couldn’t even tell the man his real name? But on the other hand…Steve had told his freaking sister about him. And that had to mean something right? It felt like it did. This whole insane façade of a relationship felt way more meaningful than it had any right to be.

And Eddie had no idea what to fucking do about it. As horrifying as it was to admit it, Eddie couldn’t deny that he might have stumbled on something real here. Which was insane, he had known him for two damn weeks. But…there was just something about the guy that was driving Eddie fucking crazy. Physically and emotionally. Because obviously, Steve was hot. That was what had caught his attention in the first place. With his insanely soft-looking hair and pretty downturned eyes, all lean muscle with thick thighs that Eddie wanted to bury his face in. Not to mention his smile, god, that fucking smile. It was haunting his damn dreams before he had the pleasure of getting ahold of that gorgeous mouth. But kissing him had made everything worse. He had made the sweetest little noises, had looked so desperate, all from the smallest amount of contact.

It had been a lot to experience in one night. Which again, was fucking stupid considering how Eddie had been in more than one threesome in his life. Dry humping was very far from the wildest shit he’d done in the bedroom. But with Steve, it felt like so much more. It was…an oddly emotional experience. And it didn't help that holding him after had felt just as damn good as the deed itself. Even if it was mixed with inescapable guilt for being such a damn liar.

He had really fucked himself with this one. And he didn't know what the hell he could do about it.

Eddie was well past the point where he could play off all of the lies as a joke. He dug the hole too deep, and now there was no way to talk to Steve about it without coming off as an insane person. So obviously, the only rational thing to do was fake it even harder, right? Telling the truth would almost certainly end in Steve dumping his ass. So why out himself as the psycho he is when he could just wait for the natural death of their relationship?

They would have some fun together, then Eddie would do some stupid shit on accident that would push him away, he’d get dumped, and remember the times they had together fondly.

And if for some crazy reason, things didn’t fall apart, Eddie could just…continue living a double life until the day he died.

That could work, right?

From the latest chapter of this fic, which is now up!

#steddie #steddie fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #damn your love damn your lies #chapter five is up~#rockstar eddie munson #it's the dumbass rockstar eddie hiding his job from boyfriend steve like a dumb dumb #steddie ficlet #fic update

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loveyourownsmiilee · 1 year

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Talking Buddie Language: Ep 6.15

This episode was really a rollercoaster of emotions. One of the main themes being death and grief made it very hard to watch for any one who have lost a loved one, especially a parent. I want to send anyone who struggled with this episode a big hug on my behalf 💜

We got a few good moments within this episode and a great Buck and Eddie moment in my opinion and I for one am really excited to get into it. There’s so much build up that continues with each and every episode which makes me believe we’re heading towards a huge finale. The ride’s been bumpy but we’re getting closer friends.

Before getting into this meta, one little thing I want to highlight is how we’re seeing Buck and Eddie working together again as partners on the job. Not only that, but they do such a wonderful job framing them two being close to each other and constantly looking at one another. In the first call we see Eddie looking back at Buck as he walks past him and I just love those little bits we get. Now I don’t know if it’s Ryan and Oliver’s little twist or it’s actually on the script, but I love to see it nonetheless.

Diaz Boys Visit Shannon

I really found the scene with Christopher and Eddie, visiting Shannon‘s grave to be so heartbreaking and emotional because we haven’t really had them talking about their grieving when it comes to her. The last we really heard of Shannon was in 5.10 during the Christmas episode where Christopher was worried. I really loved that they showed us Christopher talking to his mother about his accomplishments and schoolwork and his likes. This was about the Diaz family in its entirety but I can’t help but notice the bold parallel we get with Christopher and Eddie in this scene.

C: Do you think she can hear us when we talk to her?

E: Absolutely. That’s why we come here.

Now just to refresh anyone’s memory, back in 6.11 when Chris begged to see Buck while he was in a coma, we got him asking Eddie and Hen:

C: Can he hear me?

H: Bet he can.

He talks to Shannon and Buck the same, quiet and lovely way. His voice is steady and you can hear how much he loves the both of them. And I think with this blatant parallel, the show really is trying to emphasize how important Buck is in not only Eddie’s life, but Christopher’s as well. They’ve done a lot to highlight Buck and Christopher’s relationship aside from Eddie and this moment where he talks to his mother, in the same tone of voice as he did Buck, really speaks volumes as to what they’re trying to convey to their audience.

But going back to Eddie and Christopher, you can see how both of them are still grieving the loss of their mother and wife. Eddie is really trying not to tear up even though it’s hard, especially when he knows his son is still hurting from losing his mother at a young age. The part with the s’mores really made me so emotional because of what it can represent.

C: Can we make an extra one for mom?

E: Always.

The way I interpreted this scene was Christopher shyly, asking his father if they can keep his mother’s memory alive. To which Eddie confirms that she will always be a part of their lives, and in their hearts. It also ties in with what we saw last week with Eddie struggling to date/move on, but embracing that he doesn’t want to be alone forever.

Talk About Taxes At The 118

One of my favorite things on the show is when the firefam discuss literally all their life problems with each other at work. This time we see Chimney freaking out about the fact that him and Maddie are getting audited. This then leads into everyone else discussing how they do their taxes and there’s just a cute moment that I wanted to highlight here between Buck and Eddie, that came to be because of Ravi.

R: Look don’t beat yourself up Chim. I’m not great at doing my taxes either. No one is.

B: Uh, I am!

R: Seriously?

E: You missed his whole super power phase.

I love the fact that Ravi really questioned Buck because he was in disbelief over the fact that he may be smart enough to do his taxes. Which I know is like a running thing within the firefam that Buck is not as smart as he seems. But that’s like the opposite of what is in fact true because we’ve actually seen him come up with really wonderful saves while they’re trying to help the victims. I love how Eddie reverts to his usual flirty teasing ways but does it with such fondness that it would make anyone blush. He even looks at Buck while he says it and prolongs his stare just a little bit. It’s small things like these that really makes me wonder how it’s not obvious to anybody else that Eddie seems to be in love with Buck.

The Living Funeral

This was definitely something we haven’t seen before. The fact that there was a living funeral that got interrupted by an actual car crash was ironic in my opinion. Poor Marie just wanted a reunion with her friends and family that she hadn’t seen in a while and she ended up injured at this living funeral that they put for her.

One thing I found very interesting was the fact that Natalia was the one kneeling next to Marie. But the way they shot that scene, you see Eddie coming to take over where she’s kneeling, and she immediately gives up her place to him. Now I don’t know if I’m just seeing things or thinking things, but something about that specific moment, makes me feel like she is going to be some sort of placeholder for Eddie in the very near future. And when I say, placeholder, I mean a placeholder for what Eddie represents in Buck’s life. It may be possible for Buck to be interested in her on a romantic level. However, I don’t think that’s going to be the right partner for him and I will go into that a little bit more later on. Just the important thing here is the fact that I feel like, she is in place of Eddie currently, but he will eventually take over what she is representing in Buck’s life.

I love seeing Buck and Eddie, working together as partners again on the field. Just having Bobby say their names together made me feel all warm inside. This season we have seen Eddie take on more of a medic role and I just really miss him and Buck being fire fighting partners together.

When Eddie, Hen, and Buck are at Marie’s side, I want to highlight how the moment she explains that this funeral was for her, Eddie immediately looks over to Buck, while Buck looks over to Hen. They’re all in disbelief but one thing I find consistent with them on calls is them looking at each other when their victims say crazy things. So the fact that Eddie reverted to immediately look at Buck, but Buck was looking at Hen kind of teases some miscommunication amongst them two. They’re always in sync so the fact that this one tiny moment you can see them not being on the same wavelength really does tell me that there’ll be a misunderstanding or miscommunication of sorts soon.

M: We’re all gonna die alone. Might as well spend time with our loved ones while we’re still living.

Eddie’s face after she said that to him broke me. This was very reminiscent to Lev’s final words to Buck in 6.04. Buck collects old men while Eddie collects old women right? I believe her words are going to have a massive impact on Eddie these last few episodes, just how Lev’s words stayed with Buck throughout the majority of this season.

The End Of Life Doula

I love how when Marie introduces Natalia to them, Hen and Eddie look at her questionably. Meanwhile Buck seems intrigued almost immediately. This parallels to when he met Taylor Kelly for the first time when they saved her from the helicopter and he was smitten pretty much from the beginning. That’s the thing with Buck. He always dives in head first without actually sitting down and thinking about it fully. He sees a cute and interesting girl and is sold right away.

Buck seemed interested in her because of what she does and he tried his awkward flirting with her from the very beginning. The man clearly has unresolved trauma from his brush with death, and he is clearly not seeking help for it. So it makes sense that he would be interested in someone who helps with people dying.

From the way she was responding to him, you can tell there was no immediate attraction or interest on her part. Well, until she found out that he died. Then you see her facial expression morph into that of interest, and she immediately wanted to find out more. Which clearly was unexpected for Buck because he seemed confused when she told him the fact that he died was awesome! He even looked very shocked that she asked him out for coffee. There is clearly some kind of disconnect there, because it’s so obvious that he is thinking she’s really interested in him, meanwhile, she’s literally interested in the fact that he died.

Eddie Talks To His Mom

I love any and all scenes we get with the Diaz boys. I love how this season we’ve gotten so much Christopher content and he’s literally growing up in front of our eyes. He is so bossy and sassy and clearly running things in that household and we adore him for it. It also makes me believe he’s going to be a part of a bigger storyline that ties the season together.

C: We’re gonna be late. Dad hurry up.

I will say, Eddie trying to make time to go back home is something. He’s in a much better place with his parents and he genuinely wants to go and visit them. He also knows that time isn’t promised to anyone so he should see his family as often as he can. And that’s just coming out of the living funeral. But one thing that Eddie said really raised the hairs on my neck because it was such an obvious foreshadowing and not a good one at that.

E: We’ll figure something out ok, I promise. We got time.

Now the concept of time has been following Eddie around for many seasons now. The most recent one was literally mentioned in 6.01 when he’s playing the game with Chris at Buck’s loft.

E: Time. Aw you’ll win next time.

There’s just something about the concept of Eddie really thinking he has all this time to do something. Now what that something is is the question here, but the last time we had him give any sort of advice on time, it was to Chimney. He literally told him, “Tomorrow is not promised. So if you love her, tell her.” This is why I believe that the way they have Eddie continuously talking about time and how he has so much of it, especially knowing that he’s now open to finding love right at the time where the one person that might be the best partner for him is seeking love elsewhere, says a lot. Maybe now it’s his time because he’s sort of running out and he needs to do or say something before he really is out of it.

Date With The Death Doula

This date was literally giving the same cringey vibes as Ana and Eddie’s first date. The fact that Buck was super flirty and seemed into her, but she wasn’t, says so much to anyone watching. He was leaning in towards her the entire time but he did have his arms folded in front of him, which indicates he’s not fully opening all of himself up to her. He’s keeping some things to himself. She had sat back in her chair the entire time and really was just interested in what he had to say about his death, which was worrisome to be honest. It felt like she was questioning him and studying him for her own enjoyment, which is exactly how Taylor was any time they had scenes together.

Buck was definitely flirty with her with his little sparkly eyes, the way he teased her on being a death fan girl but it lacked it from her. You only see her show interest when she leans in towards him the moment he opens up about his coma dream.

Her calling him being close to death “cool” threw him back for a second because he seemed confused as to why she would consider that cool. But again he brushed it off as if she has some weird obsession to it. Which really should’ve been his biggest red flag, but alas Buck doesn’t realize the bad habits he partakes in most of the times.

The biggest takeaway from this “date” is the fact that it was literally built on death, and I don’t see how anything could bloom out of this. It foreshadows this so called “relationship” dying out eventually. Then he told her about his coma dream, which is ironic because he mainly told her about something that wasn’t real. We’ve never seen him talk to Eddie about his coma, dream, only things and feelings that are real to him concerning his death. That distinct difference is very loud in my opinion. Makes you think about the choices they’re making to show how he is with others and how he is with Eddie.

Buck and Eddie Have A Deep Talk At The Cemetary

I can’t believe they dressed so similarly to what they wore in 5.14!! Thank you Miss Taylor Wong for both episodes. Honestly, my heart was really breaking for Eddie during this entire scene.

First of all, these two literally do not comprehend the definition of personal space and I love them for it. As I have mentioned in my previous metas, their bodies are so in tune with the others that they just gravitate towards each other like magnets. They also always dress up for the other. Every single time we get Buck and Eddie doing something together, they're in their best clothes, which is funny considering Buck wore literal joggers on his "date" with Natalia.

E: We're all gonna die alone. It's what she said to me and Hen.

Poor Eddie really is going through it these last few episodes with the whole being alone and dying alone thing. Here's the thing, he did lose a spouse and he still hasn't fully gotten over that. But something about the last episode where he was in agreement about him not wanting to be alone, to now telling Buck they're all going to die alone says something.

It's the fact that it's these two together discussing dying alone when the few times either man almost died, or in Buck's case did actually die, they weren't alone at all. In fact, they were with each other. Buck was the person standing in front of Eddie when he got shot and he was the one who saved him. Eddie was at the bottom of the ladder and he ran up to get to Buck when he got hit by the lightning. Neither man was alone. But the way Eddie says that kind of indicates that he is anticipating be alone in death.

Now I don't want to go too much into speculating why he would think that, but I did find it interesting he said it to Buck, almost as if he already knows Buck won't be by his side in the very end. That's a rather morbid thought and I think it really does come from Eddie having feelings for Buck, but fully believing it's one-sided. I can't get over Eddie being so in love with Buck that he just knows he will never find another partner that is perfect for him. So he'll have to suffer through Buck moving on and finding the right partner, starting his own family, when Eddie is left behind loving him til his last breath. Now I know Eddie is dramatic and so was this little speculation so I apologize for that.

I found it interesting that Eddie was the one to bring up Natalia and not in his usually jealous teasing way. He opened the door for Buck to discuss her and discuss he did.

B: Yeah, uh Natalia. I may have paid her a visit too.

(Gif by @eddiediaaz)

Eddie's immediate reaction is that of exasperation. He is clearly already over hearing the same damn story all over again because that's what it always is, the same story every time Buck meets a woman on a call.

E: Really?

His voice is so heartbroken in this one word. He seems in disbelief but also you can hear how it's not his usual tone of voice. He isn't really teasing him or jealous even, just hurt.

E: Dating somebody you rescued. You know that never ends well.

Eddie is literally speaking from his and Buck's own personal experiences. Any sane person would be able to tell that Buck is reverting back to old habits where he gets all excited about the possibility of a new relationship when he's experienced something traumatic. What he needs is a therapist to be honest.

B: This is different. Anyway she wanted to ask me about the lightning strike.

E: Right, you love being the guy with the answers.

(Gifs by @eddiediaaz)

Something about this line delivery from Eddie really makes the viewer see how much he listens to Buck. Not only that, but he pays attention and retains everything he says. He also proves how well he knows Buck with just that one line. And this is before Buck even goes on to break his heart a little bit.

B: There's something different about her. I feel like she sees me. You know, she, she really sees me for who I am and what I've been through. I think she might even see more in me than I see in myself.

The way Eddie immediately turns his head and looks at Buck in disbelief screams volumes. He cannot believe Buck would say that to him of all people, especially considering that Eddie is the person who knows Buck the best. Isn't that what 6.12 proved to us? That he is Buck's person, the one who knows him truly inside and out, the one where he doesn't have to pretend with. So clearly you can see how Buck's words hurt Eddie. But I don’t think that was Buck’s intentions at all. I think sometimes, it’s easier to open up to a stranger because you know there won’t be any judgement or criticism from them that may come from someone who already knows you. Especially when it’s someone who knows you on a somewhat intimate level. Not saying Eddie would do either of those things. But maybe for Buck, talking about his death to a stranger was somewhat easier because he didn’t have to really dive into all the feelings he has behind it. Whereas he can’t lie to Eddie because he knows him better than anyone else. It was also much less serious with Natalia, whereas he was so honest and raw when discussing about it with Eddie.

E: Look I know we razzed you about your own math skills. Maybe I even tried to get rich off em. To be honest, you haven't been the same since it happened. How could you?

This whole scene really is very loaded. You can see the exact moment Eddie comes to a certain realization because of the way his eyes drift away from Buck and look off into the distance. He is connecting the dots about something. To be honest, I think this was somewhat of an oh moment for him. I think it was mostly him realizing that he himself is different after Buck's death. I mentioned in my 6.12 meta how the way Eddie was talking about how Buck would have feelings about his death implied that he had some unresolved feelings about Buck's death as well. I think witnessing Buck die for 3 minutes and 17 seconds really took a toll on Eddie as we saw in 6.11. He was grieving, he did not handle it well. And that is why he differs from Natalia. Whereas Natalia was so interested and wanted to know more about Buck dying, Eddie couldn't even look at him. He couldn't talk to him and just thinking about the fact that he had to live in a world without Buck for any amount of time killed him. It changed him forever and I think there needs to come a point where Eddie talks about his own feelings regarding Buck's death.

B: Truth is, I uh, I still feel like I have to try and be the same Buck, mostly for the sake of everyone else.

(Gifs by @bilosan)

Eddie shaking his head at Buck's words show that he does know him better than anyone else, especially someone he just met.

E: You don't have to be anything for anybody. And no one is ever the same. From 1 day to the next. Experiences like this, it change us. So what changed in you?

B: When I woke up in that hospital I felt like I had gotten away with something.

E: You cheated death.

I love how when Buck talks about someone else seeing who he is, Eddie shows him that no one will know him and understand him the way he does. Buck can say something and Eddie will know where his line of thinking is headed towards.

B: My life could’ve ended, right then and there. But it uh, it didn't. That has to mean something right?

E: It means you're one lucky guy.

B: Yeah, well I don't think Ima get that lucky again.

E: Well maybe you don't have to. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice.

B: Which is why I have to make the most out of every single moment.

When Buck pauses here, you can see Eddie tilting his head towards him and patiently waiting for what he has to say. The moment it registers that Buck is looking for something other than Eddie, you see his expression drop a bit. He knows he really is alone at the moment and that Buck is going to give someone else a chance, and you can see the hurt on his face.

B: It's all a gift.

Now some thing that kept playing in the back of my mind while watching this scene was the Buckley Diaz family scene from 6.01 where Buck is complaining about Lucy getting chosen as interim caption instead of himself.

B: Struggling to pick a replacement when he has so many other excellent options right under his nose.

E: Like you?

B: It’s like he’s choosing not to see them and everything they have to offer.

Note how similar these two scenes are to each other. Eddie once again proving how well he knows Buck and knowing where his line of thinking is headed. But it's the fact that Buck is the one explicitly saying how there is the chance of choosing not to see someone who is right under his nose, and everything they offer. Because Eddie has been showing him he loves him in his own way for years now. He literally gave Buck the most precious thing he had, his entire world, his son, on a silver platter and Buck chose not to see that for what it really was worth. So now, it's going to be time for Buck to really open his eyes and realize that instead of repeating the same bad habits and jumping into relationships with people who are bad for him, that he gives someone who has been there in front of him the whole time, a shot. I think they have laid out all the pieces perfectly to get these two together, but they're slowly building the puzzle. We will get it done eventually friends.

Eddie’s Going To El Paso

I love how the man seems to want to flee the state in midst of everything he found out about regarding Buck being into the death doula. Now I’m only partly joking but I think it’s nice that he wants to go back.

The couch parallel scene with Christopher is so loud!! They had Eddie literally come and see Christopher asleep the same exact way we saw him see Buck asleep in 6.12. The couch metaphor is supposed to be present leading up to the finale and so far, every single thing we’ve seen involving a couch has been related to the Diaz boys. I mean it’s not that hard to imply what it can all mean especially for the finale.

The picture of Shannon and Chris falling possibly foreshadows something bad happening to the Diaz family. Now I’m not quite sure if something will happen to Christopher or a family member of Eddie’s. But I think it was pointed to having the picture of them fall and that being the thing that makes Eddie want to call his mom back and tell her they’re going back.

Finally, the way Eddie was looking at that photo just tells me he’s finally in a place that he wants to move on. He wants to find that love again and a partner in life again. And I think he knows who that person is but he’s running out of time to do something about it. So it’ll be interesting to see how this storyline develops further. I wonder if we’ll see pining Eddie or jealous Eddie or an Eddie that goes out and opens himself up to different possibilities to get over Buck. I’m intrigued to see what the rest of the episodes have in store for us for both men! It’s definitely going to be crazy ride for sure!

Thank you so much if you took the time to read this entirely. It really means a lot to me. If you’d like to be tagged in these, please let me know here. Finally, a big thank you to my lovely @aa-lionheart for all the wonderful gifs 💜

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #911 spoilers #911 meta #buddie meta #buddie language meta #911 speculation #this took forever and I’m so so sorry friends

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