#and I’ve been terrified of this happening to any of my family members since I was very young | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

klein3ngl · 2 months

Note

Hello :D do you have any p1 Dude headcanons?

hi hi.

oh boy, I thought I had a few, but after I sat down to write them just realized I might have a bit too much more than what I’ve expected, haha.

POSTAL 1 DUDE; headcanons

first of all! some headcanons make reference of how he was before the first game, so trying to apply them to the guy who’s terrified, sitting on the floor while hugging his gun would be pretty useless

also, if instead of a hyphen there’s a star it’s to address DID in Dude (I don’t have DID myself and I’m not close to somebody who has DID, all I know is from research I’ve done myself, so if there’s something wrong please tell me.

if you’re not into the DID idea just ignore the stars.

anyway, here we go:

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

— Before what happened in 1997 I think he was still a disaster, but a bit more functional.

I’m not gonna dig a lot into how he was while growing up, but he’s an only child that comes from a christian yet dysfunctional family, so after he finally had enough saved money and the legal age he moved to another city (not Paradise) to start again and never looked back, probably with a bit of help coming from Uncle Dave, the only family member that cared about him.

★ P2’s been with him since he was a kid/pre-teen. P1 doesn’t really knows who or what P2 is and at first is pretty much afraid, thinking he’s a demon of some kind. But after a while and seeing how he stands up for him (when he’s unable to defend himself, make friends, etc) and he’s not really trying to harm him he relaxes for a bit.

— He’s always been pretty much a loner, but not to the point to isolate himself completely. He had a tiny group of friends who were also as “weird” as he was who were also into the alternative/goth subculture. Those were probably the best years of his life.

But still, following the last point, I also think he’s one of those people that when they feel bad they isolate themselves for some time and then come back like nothing happened. It usually worked, until it didn’t.

— I have no idea of where I readed I don’t know if it was the Wiki, TV Tropes, in a reddit comment or somewhere else but I think that during the development of “Postal” the Postal Dude was around 27 years old. I don’t know if it’s true, but I’ll go with that.

And, to add some more flavor, I don’t remember if it was Tumblr or Reddit, but somebody had the headcanon that the 14 of November, the day the first game begins, it’s also the Postal Dude’s birthday.

I can’t remember who had such a good idea but I love it way too much, I love angst with all my heart so now it’s my headcanon too.

(if I see the original headcanon again I’ll give credits to the person)

— [ tw // mentions of drugs ] Definitely smokes both cigarettes and weed, but the last one just from time to time. Has tried acid or mushrooms but rather stick to weed.

He hasn’t done crack or anything too heavy, not before 1997.

— He has little to no idea of how to cook. He can do some basic stuff to survive, and he has tried following a recipe in the past, but it’s definitely not his best . Not like he enjoys it either.

— His body: pretty tall. He has a bit of a complex with his height, finding clothes of his size can be complicated and it’s a bit awkward too.

His body is a bit built (he does some work out because of the idea that somebody can attack him at any moment is enough to make him try to learn some self defense alone in his room). Compared to P2 he's has more corporal mass, but not as much as P3 would have. He's an in between. Not skinny but not fat either.

He’s also pretty pale. Not because he can’t get tanned or anything, but because he would rather go out when the sun is already setting or during night or, in general, prefers to stay at his house.

In general he’s one of those people you see on the street and catch your attention: it’s not always that you see a really tall guy with long ginger hair.

— He doesn’t cut his hair because he likes how it looks on him but also because he’s too lazy (and anxious) to go to a hairdresser. He sometimes cuts it himself, and since he has no idea there have been times it ends up disastrous, but since I think his hair is a bit wavy it doesn’t look really bad.

He also doesn’t maintains it really well, he only uses shampoo and, maybe, one of those 3 in one bottles and that’s all. If it’s really cold he dries it with the hairdryer, but rarely does so.

— His handwriting is HORRIBLE. Not like if it’s like hieroglyphics, you can read it, but it’s just really ugly (the diary/war journal entries is how he writes, but since he was pretty stressed and scared it’s a bit more agitated). Also makes too much pressure, not to the point of ripping of the paper but you can feel it on the other face of the sheet surface if you brush it with your hand.

Likes to write for himself, it’s therapeutic and the best way to cope, the less harmful to himself too.

— Following the last point he also likes to make some doodles, especially when bored. Nothing too serious though, the typical thing you do when you’re in class bored and you only have a pen in hand and a paper. You’ll see plenty of them that decorate his notes and diaries. They’re a bit chaotic, his traces being a bit messy.

— If he was accepted in RWS he might have some knowledge about the videogame industry or related. Not sure of what, probably graduated in some studies about it. Maybe a programmer? I dunno.

— Definitely neurodivergent. Either autistic or ADHD. Or both.

His main interests being weapons, movies and videogames. Predilect genres? Terror and horror. He’s not much of a reader though.

On a side note, easily overwhelmed with people he’s not close with touching him (or in general, he’s not opposed to it but would rather if the other person asked for permission) and large crowds, and the main reason he wears he started wearing sunglasses it’s because sensitivity to bright lights.

Still, he’s undiagnosed so he has no clue why he’s like that and why can’t he be normal, sometimes thinking he’s a bit dramatic. His group of friends also had other neurodivergent people who he could rely on so he didn’t feel that bad after all.

— He hated going to clubs for that same reason, even the more alt ones. Too much noise and people. He probably went there because of his friends and enjoyed it for a little while, but would’ve rather been doing anything else.

★ P2 liked it more than him, so when they made plans with their friends he was the one who was in control most part of the time.

— He’s the kind of person that I think would listen to pretty much everything, but definitely his favorite genre is hard rock and metal and its sub-genres: goth metal, black metal, grunge, industrial, you name it. Maybe nu metal it’s not really his thing.

Still, he jams pretty much everything so you could catch him singing a Spicegirls song and he would deny it with his life.

★ It’s in fact P2 who prefers nu metal and wouldn’t care what he’s listening to. Would probably tease P1 about it though.

P2: “You’re listening to Madonna? I thought you didn’t liked pop”

P1: “...shut it”

p2: “Whatever you say edgelord… "LIKE A VIRGIN JUST, LIKE THE VERY FIRST TIME- ♪"”

— He’s bisexual, but still in the closet and pretty deep in there. He has done a few things with other guys but nothing too serious or further than making out probably. Partly because he has some internalized homophobia from the family he comes from (in himself! would never judge or care is one of his close ones was in the queer community) and because generally he sucks at dating.

★ Again, P2 is more open about it than him, and probably the one who had those interactions with other guys, but since P1 was not really uncomfortable with the subject he never went too far.

P2 tried to talk to him about it, but P1 just refuses.

— Also, how did I forgot to mention this? Religious trauma.

Now, he has a weird relationship with his christianity and beliefs, his morals, and how he views himself since he was teached to be a good christian, and he kinda wants to be good at the eyes of God, but at the same time he’s into too many stuff his parents told him they were satanic and bad. He has mixed emotions about it, it’s like he wants to let it go, but he’s unable to do so.

To him the cross he carries around his neck is not for the aesthetic, but he’s not because he’s a good christian either. And when he’s feeling at his worst? It’s like a dog collar, reminding him how all the trauma his family beliefs have harmed him, but at the same time he cannot let it go for some reason. It’s like an abusive relationship both with himself and with his religion, if he even believes in it. It’s complicated to understand? He’s just as confused as you are.

Maybe the problem it’s not the religion itself, maybe it was his family and now because of them he can’t really feel comfortable praying (even if he sometimes finds himself doing so on the nights of rough days) or having a normal relationship with his christianity. Whatever it is, he’s traumatized.

★ And P2 doesn't helps either. He just does not cares about it and when he sees P1 having a breakdown about it, knowing how hard the subject is for him, just prefers to not to get involved, because, anyways, what can he do to help him? He just does not know either, it’s something he has to resolve himself. He cannot help him in everything.

P1 sometimes has called P2 a demon during his attacks, and even if he just ignores it it’s true that it can get annoying after all the times he has tried to help him, and every time they had a fight about it P1 ended up worse, so P2 decided to not get involved any more time for that too.

— I think he’s both shy and introverted, but don’t misinterpret me; not shy in a cute bean who gets all nervous and blushy. No. More in the staring at the person like if he was a deer in front of the lights of a car type of shyness, trying not to get too nervous, and after a few seconds he responds to whatever that person said or asked, hoping it wasn’t too cringy or awkward. He usually gets like that when he’s interested in a person (doesn’t matter if it’s platonic or romantic) and doesn’t want them to get weirded out by him

More introverted than shy, that’s for sure.

— If he’s having a good day his neutral face just looks tired, in his worst I doubt anybody would be able to get to see him because in those days he locks himself in his house and refuses to go out, but if it’s the case (probably the clerk of a shop because he ran out of food) it’s a mix of anger and fear (mainly due paranoia and hallucinations, trying to put and angry face to make the others don’t bother him).

— He could be INFJ (Ni Fe Ti Se) or INTJ (Ni Te Fi Se). If that was the case I think it would be due to Se grip.

I could go more into details because I really enjoy MBTI and see how its functions work on fictional characters.

★ Not the same as P2 of course, but that's a story for another day.

— Pretty much stoic, but on the inside? A mess of emotions he does not know how to untangle correctly. He can get emotional when he’s alone, but that’s a part nobody would ever see of him. He’s not going to let anybody see him in such a vulnerable and weak state.

— Now, returning to the main point. I could really go into details of what or why I think it could have happened for him to literally go postal, but I think the main point is that he moved to Paradise trying to escape from his life. And you may ask “but you said those were the happiest years of his life!” yep, completely, but there can be a few things that alone could have been bad but tolerable, but too many of them make them unbearable: maybe he distanced himself from his friends, had to move somewhere cheaper because of money, his mental health going downhill, etc.

The thing is, he moved to Paradise, and it was probably his worst mistake.

Uncle Dave lived there, that’s why he chose that city, but even with that he had almost no contact with him besides the first few days? He was on his own, alone again.

— Ironically, I think he actually worked for a post office. It’s the only job he could find.

— Both his physical and mental state got way worse. He’s never been a really healthy person, but still tried to take care of himself at least a bit. Going out only when heavily necessary and, after a while, not even going to work anymore. That's when he really ran out of money and got the terrifying letter: he got evicted of his “safe place”. Was his house even a safe place at this point? He couldn’t feel safe anywhere anymore.

He could have called Uncle Dave, but at this point? He was just so disconnected with reality he didn’t know what to do.

★ P2 saw him fall and had no idea of what to do at this point. He was tired of trying to help him so he just ignored. P1 felt so bad that, even if he find P2 annoying at times it was the last thing he needed, the last familiar thing he had disappeared hurts him to the core.

— [ tw // mentions of self-harm ] Even if writing in his journal really helped him to calm down during bad days it doesn’t mean he didn’t do other more harmful things to himself when he was at his worst. Before moving to Paradise he handled it better, he was able to tone it down pretty much since he moved from his parent’s house, but after everything got so overwhelming again? He doesn’t know any better. And the worst part of it? Finds it both comforting and thinks that he deserves all this suffering. For everything. For moving away from his parents, maybe they were right after all. For being a bad christian, God, if he hasn’t done it already, would probably turn his back the day he has to pass Heaven's gates. For after being so happy and having friends and thinking he was getting better and how he throwed all out the windows. It’s all his fault, and he knows it, but he can’t bring himself to do anything, not even therapy, and cannot call his friends. Nothing. The world’s still going on without him. He just feels like when he was a kid, but worse.

★ And here’s where he appears: the Other Dude (to me not the same as P3). He’s shows him his most intrusive thoughts, those who make him feel sick. OD slowly persuaded him to do horrible things not to himself, but the others. He’s twisted and manipulated everything, every little hope he had. P1 confused P2 with OD at this point, and was the one who made P1 get out of his house after a really long time, but with a gun in his hand, ready to kill everybody who made him feel so miserable and worthless. At this point he’s just gone.

At first, ironically, P2 tried to get in the middle of it, a bit confused of what or who OD was. Why he was so similar to himself? How long has he been there? But even OD persuaded him at some point.

Both P1 and P2 were tired of the way they were living and feeling. So why not change it?

I’m not sure who’s the one who got out of the house ready to cause a massacre, if P1, P2 or OD, but the thing is they all agreed at some point.

— I know this is going to be a bit weird, but I don’t think the whole game stages are real? It sounds weird, but let me explain: you really think a guy who has been locked inside his house for so long, having horrible hallucinations, almost no sleep (and if he had any, probably full of nightmares), not taking care of himself is really going to go too far? It does not matter how many weapons he may carry, it’s practically impossible.

Maybe the first 2 or 3 stages, but not much more before the police/militars/whoever it was got him at some point. The others only happened in his head, his mind going ahead of him, overthinking, and lately, his guilt getting over him.

By this I’m not saying he’s less of a horrible person, he did what he did and it’s sickening, it does not matter how bad he was feeling, killing people who have nothing to do with you and your problems is not the answer. Even if they were the cause, it’s not the solution.

— Leaving aside that all the “Postal” games are usually a parodies of real life and black humor (asides from the first game and “Postal Redux”) and taking it for something more serious, I don’t think “Postal Dude” it’s the name of the Postal Dude.

It was a nickname given both by the survivors of the massacre and the media.

— Also, after what he did he was everywhere. In the newspapers, in the TV, in the radio. That’s how Uncle Dave and the group of friends he had back in the city he lived before found out. But how could he? He was such a nice, quiet guy… he wouldn’t hurt a fly!

His group of friends, who since he moved without saying anything, didn’t pick up their calls and in general ignored them and decided it was for the best to just let it be.

Uncle Dave, on the other side he was worried. What the hell happened during all those years they were separated? It couldn’t be something he decided overnight, there had to be something more, right?

— He got his hair shaved at the asylum. After that he didn’t had it that long in his whole life.

— He got locked in the asylum, and being locked in there, alone again with his thoughts, it was dead of him. Metaphorically speaking.

★ P1 went dormant, refusing to think of what he has done, or at least accepted to do. He couldn't take all that blame, it was impossible. Every time he remembers it he wants to puke. He now really want to be dead. There’s no way he can redeem himself from that, God definitely has abandoned him. OD also disappeared. He just provoked all of this and now what? He accomplished what he wanted, where is he? He bring out the worst part of P1, was he trying to corrupt him and breaking him was not in the plan or was the plan breaking him from the start?

Whatever it was left P2 alone, also feeling guilty of what he has done. He does not feel as bad as P1 but he also cannot feel happy as OD probably feels. What they’ve done it’s horrible, but how OD manipulated them to do it? Even worse. Even for P2 whose morality is more gray-ish than P1s.

He hates it, he’s locked in there with the hallucinations and barely speaks to P1 because he’s completely broken and refuses to do so. Now it’s the other way around. He’s growing resentful to him too for that, they’re both cupid, can he at least make him some company? Like he did when P1 was a child too? It’s unfair.

He has something clear though: if OD ever shows his ass again he will NOT let get on him like he did. And even if he’s annoyed at P1, not even him.

— After some time Uncle Dave brings himself to visit him. At first it was so grim. Dude felt so horrible for his actions he couldn’t bring himself to even look at him, but after some more visits, therapy and meds he started to light up a really tiny bit. It was something.

★ It was not really him, P1 was pretty much not wanting to know anything from the external world, it was P2 who decided to take the lead. P1 didn’t wanted to live anymore? Fine, he would take his chance then. To live the life he never could since he’s always been on P1 mind, rarely being the one in control.

Maybe he was pretending, or maybe he genuinely wanted to get better, but the thing was: he wanted to get out of there, if there was a chance to do so, he would try it. At first do what the workers said, and if that didn’t work he would escape. He does not care. He wants to try to live.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

okay I got a bit too carried away- I’m sorry-

hope you liked them! I’m not really skilled nor do I have practice when it comes to creating headcanons about characters even if I have a few ideas.

I’m thinking about posting a few more in a future,, but school work is killing me-

#postal #postal 1997 #postal dude #postal headcanons #idk #I hope I get him right #honeslty I'm kinda anxious #I kinda want to explore a bit more why he did what he did #and I also crave for dude with an actual stability in his life TuT like if he was in a slice of life anime that nothing too big happens #EDIT: posted this when I was about to go to bed so now I'm doing some corrections #postal dude headcanons

11 notes · View notes

the-manor-7 · 1 year

Text

Stray Kids x Reader Reaction: Strict Older Sister

Masterlist

Hello~ ^^

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted.

This is my first Stray Kids reaction, so I hope you enjoy.

As always, please feel free to request!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bang Chan 방찬

Why do you think he works so hard? You were breathing over his shoulder for most of his childhood, so how else was he supposed to turn out?

If he slacked off, you would always be there to give him a glare or a scolding.

You never beat him or anything like that, but have you seen Chan when he’s mad? He just gets all quiet and scowly and you can see that the other members are nervous when it happens.

You can say that it’s a family trait, the scariness.

Sure, you let up some once he moved out of the house and to Korea, but you would call him sometimes to ask how he was doing and eventually the conversations would naturally transition into him talking about just how much work and practice he has been doing.

He kind of lives for your praise as a side effect.

Some may see your relationship as kind of strained, but you really do love each other, you just show it in different ways.

And you understand one another.

Minho 이민호

It's where he gets his brattiness from. The tissue in the mouth thing was your idea too.

Even though you were strict, you let him act like a child around you. Result: brattiness.

Sure, you may have high expectations and expect him to follow them, but he’s got you wrapped around his finger.

As long as he acts right around you, you just shower him with affection. The affection may be kind of skewed, just like Minho’s is. You have to admit, it’s kind of violent. But, you both understand that you love each other.

You are siblings, and nothing is going to change that.

Changbin 서창빈

You honestly scare this man. There’s a reason he isn’t as scared of Minho and Bangchan as the rest of them are.

He grew up with you.

When you wanted something done, you wanted it done right then, and that was final.

He’s tried to tell you ‘no’ before and that did not end well. You were having none of it.

Again, it’s not like you beat him or anything, but there was something about you that demanded respect.

Did you notice how in the beginning, he tried to hide his cute side? That may have been because of you, because aegyo didn’t work with you.

He was not getting anything because he was just being cute.

He was eventually able to open up with the boys, but everything stayed the same with you.

Yes, you loved him, but you just showed it a bit…differently than some other might have.

You still terrify him though.

Hyunjin 황현진

He was all scared sass, if that makes any sense. You were able to tolerate his attitude up to a certain extent, and he kind of had a hard time guessing when it was.

He learned the sass from the best, which was you. But, you didn’t like it so much when it was directed at you.

Call it your toxic trait.

Out of all the pairings in this group, you two had the most “traditional” sibling relationship.

That was mostly because he put up a fight though. If he had just sat down and took the scolding like the rest of them did, it would be different.

You were both a force to be reckoned with, in your own ways.

But, you both would stay by each other at the end of the day.

Jisung 한지성

You really intimidated this man, but he was good at hiding it. It’s how he became so immune to Chan’s annoyed outbursts.

They don’t faze this chipmunk because he has seen worse: you.

You two would always bicker when you were together, but in the long-run, you would both kill for one another.

That may sound kind of dramatic, but you were both passionate about your protectiveness of one another. No one could say something bad about one without the other one knowing and exacting revenge.

You two loved each other, and it was obvious to everyone who had seen you together.

Felix 이용복

Ok, one thing I have to say about Felix is that he’s good at taking someone’s anger, deflecting, and acting cute right after.

You may have had a bit of an anger issue, and he learned the best way to deal with it was acting cute and lovable (not that he already isn’t).

Eventually, you would melt and relent in the face of his adorableness, but it would take some effort.

When he was eliminated from the group in front of JYP, he was devastated, and rather scared to tell you. You didn’t take his failure well.

However, you knew how hard he tried and how badly he wanted to stay with the rest of the boys, so you just comforted him instead.

Ever since then, your relationship has improved and evolved.

You no longer harped on him for absolutely everything; you let him do his thing because you knew he was going to do well.

Sure, sometimes you still have outbursts, but they are more rare.

When they happen, he just pulls out the ‘cute’ card and the issue gets solved once more.

Yes, you two really love each other, but the sibling relationship just took a bit longer to occur than some of the other ones.

Seungmin 김승민

He’s another one that knows how to handle you pretty well, like Hyunjin.

However, his is more of a placating “ok, I understand” instead of fighting back.

Sure, he has an attitude, and we all know he lets it loose often.

Never in front of you though, that would get him nowhere.

So, he has decided the best way to address your outbursts or nagging is just to comply and wait until they leave.

Since he decided to deal with it this way, you two honestly also never had problems with one another.

You had no reason to be displeased with him because he never did anything to make you mad, and he just took your strictness as your personality.

Jeongin 양정인

Oh my goodness, this man.

Since he never used to get his way with you, he is relishing the experience with the boys.

They let him get away with a lot.

However, that annoying little brother act with all the sass disappears as soon as you appear.

You honestly terrify him, and the others know it.

Since he started working at JYP, you haven’t seen each other very often, but when you do, the boys make sure to tease him about how he acted around you.

It’s not like he was subservient or anything like that, he was just more cautious. Maybe even more so than with his parents.

But that’s an older sibling's job, isn’t it? To be intimidating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed reading this :)

Please feel free to make requests, and as always

Thank you and love,

The_Manor

Masterlist

84 notes · View notes

phantommaws · 2 months

Text

PikuHan Snippet - Pale Reflections

I’ve been sitting on this wip for a little while and don’t know where to take it. I’ve only been in the AOT fandom for just under a year and my current fic is focused on LeviHan, but I’m also writing a oneshot to show my love for PikuHan. I would love any comments and/or constructive criticism on what I have so far, or for you as the reader to hopefully enjoy my content so far <3

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

What if?

It was a question that plagued her as she sat on the mattress in complete silence, long black hair tangled from neglect. The night was cold and dark, and with it came the horrible thoughts and feelings of despair; Pieck was no stranger to such emotions now – they were commonplace in her day-to-day life following the Rumbling.

The battle had been the hardest she had ever fought in her life and she revelled in the knowledge that she was able to return to her father. However, nothing could ever come close to helping the heavy pain of loss that settled across her entire being like a blanket.

The war had not been without severe casualty; despite the immense efforts of everyone in the Alliance, they had only managed to save a fraction of humanity – a meagre 20%. Yes, she had to admit that it was better than nothing, but her heart ached whenever she thought about it too much. About what it had meant, considering how she had suffered such a deep, personal loss from which she wasn’t sure she could recover from.

Upon first meeting them, Hange Zoë had come across as nothing more than a crazed, eccentric soldier with a passion for science and nothing more. However, as Pieck had taken the time to get to know them better, she had learned that behind their strange demeanour lay a kindhearted person who just wanted to understand more about the world and those who resided in it.

It was admirable, and she had taken the time to sit with the Commander and tell them everything that she knew about the people of the world, the different countries and cultures. It had been worth it to see the way that the light would return to Hange’s eyes and the way that they would smile upon learning something new.

That smile.

Oh, that smile. How Pieck longed to see it again, even if just once. Hange had rarely smiled in the days leading up to the beginning of the Rumbling, and that fact alone made the former titan shifter sink further into her feelings of despair.

No matter how hard she tried, she would always fail to conjure up an image of Hange’s smile. Even their face was slowly starting to look blurry whenever Pieck imagined them, and it terrified her to no end when she realised that she was also beginning to forget the sound of Hange’s voice.

Laying down and curling under the covers did nothing to soothe her horrible thoughts. It had been roughly eight months since the Rumbling had been stopped, and yet the pain felt as fresh as the day it happened. The bed was cold and Pieck felt so very lonely, trying to ignore the fact that the one she longed for would never be able to share it with her.

She missed the way that Hange would hold her close at night, arms wrapped around her chest while her head rested under the older scout’s chin. The way that they would kiss the back of her neck while whispering sweet nothings about the plans they had made together for a future family – a future that would now never happen. It made Pieck feel physically sick with grief, to imagine a life that would now never be lived.

…

Eight Months Prior

Pieck shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot as she stood there on the stage alongside the other members of the Alliance. Something about being stood in front of a crowd of thousands of people felt so inherently wrong to her – she hated the thought of being put on a pedestal for simply doing what was right.

“These medals have been presented to each of you as a symbol of your bravery in the Battle of Heaven and Earth. May your names be committed to the history books and may the many generations to come tell the story of your heroic deeds upon this land.”

The cold metal felt like a deadweight sat there upon her chest. She didn’t want this; all she wanted was for her deeds that day to be forgotten and for her to live out the rest of her life in peace with her friends and family. But now, she knew that was not a possibility for her. The Alliance would be expected to take up the mantle of being ambassadors for Marley. To negotiate with the island of Paradis and be responsible for preventing any future conflicts was an incredibly big responsibility for anyone, but for Pieck it felt like the weight of the world itself was resting on her shoulders.

“Captain Levi Ackerman, I believe that you wanted to say some words?”

She brought her gaze back up to follow the Captain as he slowly made his way up to the podium, struggling even with the cane he now used to help himself walk short distances. He looked so tired and pained, and his voice matched his expression as he began his speech.

“There are many things to be said about the events that have transpired here. The losses suffered by everyone who has survived were unnecessary and I personally cannot even begin to imagine how I would apologise for the lives that were cut short. But from the ashes of devastation rises a new era for the future of humanity, one in which I am hopeful for peace between the people of Eldia and the world.

“It has taken an innumerable amount of sacrifice to bring about an end to the Rumbling, and none other stands out more than that of our selflessly brave leader and Commander, Hange Zoë…”

It felt as though her entire body reacted upon hearing her lover’s name mentioned in the Captain’s speech…

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Tag list: @youre-ackermine

#attack on titan #hange zoe #aot #hanji zoe #hange zöe #hangezoe #aot pieck #pieck finger #hange x pieck #attack on titan pieck #pieck x hange #snk pieck #pikuhan #PikuHan fanfic #snk fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction #fanfic snippet #it should be illegal for me to write angst #aot angst

6 notes · View notes

rxin3akamallory · 8 months

Text

Small TW for family loss

So this something personal that’s been on my mind, but something that’s earned Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 more of my respect than it already has.

So late July of this year, my uncle passed away due to natural causes and health complications. I was told it was peaceful, but it doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking. He wasn’t the first family member to pass away in my life, but the last time a family member I was close to passed away was my aunt, his wife actually, when I was around 7 and I didn’t know death fully yet.

And even though I was close to my aunt, she passed when I was young, I got to see my uncle for a lot longer so I knew this was gonna be a lot harder for me to handle, especially since I now know the full concept of death and it’s impact. This was the first funeral service I’ve attended and I was not mentally prepared at all.

When I first was told, the first thing I did after I called my best friend, I grabbed my Rocket plush and a couple other valuable ones and just cried while I hugged them. It was slowly sinking in what had actually happened and it was terrifying.

And then two weeks later when the day came for us to head upstate to attend the service, I knew it was gonna be on my mind the whole time if I didn’t find some way to at least ease my mind for the time being.

So when we got on the plane, I decided to watch Vol. 2 (for like the 5th time at this point) and it made me feel so much better, seeing all my favorite characters coming together as a family. When I was hurting, the Guardians came and saved me in a way from my lingering thoughts, Rocket especially.

Another thing that was lingering in my mind when I was spending those two weeks with my uncle at least in the back of my mind was what Rocket tells Drax in Vol. 1 after he tried to single handily take on Ronan and his army on Knowhere.

“Everybody’s got dead people! That’s no excuse to get everyone else dead along the way!”

It made me realize that yes, the loss of my uncle hurts, but death, especially losing a loved one is a universal experience. And yes it can be hard, and it isn’t an easy thing to process, but you can’t let it effect your everyday life.

Death is something everyone has or will experience at some point in their lives. We can’t let it harp on us and let it effect how we go through every day. We should be embracing the time we have right now and enjoying it for as long as we can.

Rocket helped me grasp the situation and helped me realize not to let things like this linger and effect my own life. I think that was the pivotal moment I realized Rocket wasn’t just a favorite character, he’s now one of my highest comfort characters. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the impact he made in helping me get through something so tragic and unexpected as my uncle’s passing.

Thank you Marvel Studios, Thank you Stan Lee, Thank you James Gunn, Thank you Bradley Cooper, and thank you Rocket. I won’t forget the impact you left on me with the creation of Guardians of the Galaxy.

4 notes · View notes

notabled-noodle · 2 years

Text

okay, because I’m feeling brave… here’s my favourite piece of writing that I’ve done

I’m 17, and I’m standing in the kitchen, talking to my mum. I’m trying to make her understand how scared I was when I got crushes on girls. How I was terrified when I realised that I’m not a girl. And she’s not getting it. How could she? Especially when our versions of history are so different. She tells me that a family friend used to bring her girlfriend around to our place sometimes. That I grew up around the Adelaide arts scene, of course I knew about gay people from the time I was born. But I can’t remember any of that.

It’s 2008. I’m in kindergarten and my teacher is calling out names of “buddies”. I wait for my name, hoping that I get assigned one of those nice-looking girls with freckles. And for once, my prayers are answered. Doubly answered, because for some reason there weren’t enough 5 year olds and too many 11 year olds, so I got landed with two buddies. Both of them tall, athletic, and feminine. I’m an anxious kid who is eager to please. So when the girls say that their favourite colour is pink, I say that it’s my favourite colour too, even though the real answer is green. I say that I like to dance, even though my favourite thing is to run around outside. When I’m at home, I’m obsessed with Bob the Builder, but if I want friends at school, my favourite show is Angelina Ballerina and that’s that.

I’m 15 and I’m staying with my grandma - my mum’s mum - over the holidays. I’ve had a rough time at school, and I get along with her, so my mum decided to send me to Sydney for the week. Just me and my grandma, on our adventures. Away from all the shittiness that comes with being gay in high school. My hair is long, and I’m wearing a skirt, but I’m happy. Afterall, I’m with one of the people I love the most in the world.

We’re waiting for a bus when my grandma starts telling an anecdote about her time in Canada. I’m laughing in the right places, but I want to cry. Because my grandma made a snide remark about gay people. She screws her nose up in that way, and my heart plummets. And I know I’m never going to be able to be honest with my favourite person about who I am. But I smile back at her, and tell her about my plans for year 10 formal.

I’m 10 years old. My parents just told me we’re moving back to Adelaide, and I’m hiding how much I don’t want that to happen. I’m thinking about how much I’ve changed since the last time I lived there. I’m thinking about friends I’d made, and how I didn’t want to leave them. I still acted when I was around them. I faked crushes on boys. I pretended to be a girl. But I was closer to being the real me than I’d ever been. I wore shorts to school, we played ‘dragons’ at lunchtime, and we practiced maths together after school. We had fun in a way that made me forget how much I hated myself and my body. I knew I wouldn’t be able to find friends like that in Adelaide.

It’s the 11th of September 2017, and I’m 14. I’m lying on the floor in my bedroom, listening to Troye Sivan. Trying to find the confidence to come out to my parents. I remember all the coming out videos I’d watched on YouTube as practice. I go over the plan in my head, trying to work out the when and the how. I decide that I’m going to do it over dinner, but that’s not what ends up happening. I lose the nerve in front of my sisters. Instead, I resolve to do it one family member at a time. At 8:30, when everyone else is heading off to bed, I turn to my dad and say the magic words, “I’m not straight”. And burst into tears. My dad asks why I’m crying, and a million and one different possible answers run through my head, but I settle on the easiest one. “I don’t know.”

I’m bowling with my best friend as a treat before we go back to school for year 11. I had a crush on her when we first met, but I only see her as my friend now. We’ve known each other for almost 8 years at this point, but tonight feels different somehow. She’s being unusually quiet. Until she decides she wants to talk about what’s on her mind. Once we’ve finished bowling, she pulls me aside. She tells me that she has to tell me something. Apparently the day before, she’d accidentally come out to her mum as bisexual. Her mum’s response had been less than ideal. “This is her fault, isn’t it? She did something to you? To turn you gay?” I went home crying that night, sure that I’d never be able to see her again. Sure that all future contact between us would be banned for good. Afterall, it was contact between us that made her the way she was, right?

I’m playing under 8s soccer, and I’m terrified. I can’t stop thinking about Meg, the coach’s daughter. She’s only about 6 months older than me, but she seems so much older. She’s taller than I am, and she has hair that looks like threads of gold when the sun hits it just right. We’re both playing defence. My feet are covered in mud, and I’m wearing shorts, but I feel incredible. Yet there’s a feeling of fear hiding deep within my stomach that won’t go away. Other than Meg, there aren’t any girls on my team, so this soccer thing really isn’t helping my facade. Even worse, after the game Meg and I get talking, and just like all conversations when you’re that age, the talk turns to crushes. She asks me who I like, so I look her in the eyes and say “Zayn”, hoping that she knows I really mean “you”.

I’m at a new school, in a new city. It’s April, and it’s really cold. Just like at every new school, I’m assigned a buddy. Someone to show me around the school. This time it’s a boy called Connor. He’s wild and he’s a little bit insane. I can already tell he’s my kind of person. I mean, he brought a Nerf gun to school… what could be cooler than that? It’s only been a week, but he’s already invited me back to his place to shoot each other up. We’re both screaming and laughing. Wearing his bullet proof vest, and my Phineas and Ferb sneakers I feel like me again. We’re running around, and he refuses to admit that I have a better aim than he does. Or that I’m faster than he is. I’m the first girl he’s ever been friends with, but I don’t care. Because I don’t feel like a girl. I just feel like me.

I’m 17, and I’m standing in the kitchen, talking to my mum. I’m still trying to work out how to get her to understand my experiences. And then she lets a new piece of information slip.

“You know, I never assumed you were straight… I thought you were queer from the time you were about 18 months old”.

#noodle tries to write #tw homophobia #tw transphobia #queer

36 notes · View notes

theolmpocket · 2 years

Text

Sorry it’s been awhile. Today has been a weird day.

Due to my fathers death, I have been allowed three free counselling sessions from the government. It’s all they can do for me really. I’ve talked with the same counsellor that has also counselled other members of my family. It’s funny, all of the different ways we have described my dad.

When I was young, 10-11 years old, I suffered my first existential breakdown over realising the reality of death for the first time. I had my first glimpse of feeling what it was like not to exist. No one had died, I just realised what actually happened after death. There was no god, just a void of unknowingly being dead. It terrified me. I ran to my mother, sobbing and crying but she could not understand what I was talking about. She could not realise my fear, she could not comprehend my existential thoughts. My dad however, took me outside gently, and made me watch the stars and comforted me, saying that when I get old enough to die, they may have found a way to preserve our lives digitally or something along those lines. But he also told me that by the time we’re that old, we sort of want to die anyway.

That was probably the best memory I have of my dad.

We both realised that night, that we could understand each other. He’d faced his own terror and existentialism the same way, but no one understood him. But now I, without any prompting, had said his thoughts out loud. He pitied me, he was deeply saddened I had inherited this mental illness.

Next month will be one year since my fathers passing. It’s also exams.

My father killed himself.

Now I can’t watch the stars anymore.

#mental health #mental wellbeing #thoughts #tw existential #existential dread #existentialism #tw sui implied #tw death #tw depressing stuff

9 notes · View notes

roboromantic · 1 year

Text

speaking of religious stuff time 2 talk about the wedding

so ok I knew my dad’s fiancee is a member of the United Methodist Church and that he’s joined them. and I think I wrote something before about how painful it was to see my dad just casually dismiss the extreme fundamentalism HE RAISED US IN. like I’m sure he’s been going through his own process of unlearning stuff and figuring out his own religious journey

but also. felicia was kinda The driving force behind our fundamentalist upbringing and after the divorce he more or less backslid and eventually stopped going to church. partly bc they got rid of the preacher and the whole church started going in a direction he wasn’t fond of but my point is that if religion was THAT important to him, he almost certainly could’ve found somewhere else to go long before he met his fiancee

so it feels like a red flag to me that he started getting more religious once he started dating her. it SHOULDN’T, I mean obviously people change to accommodate their loved ones and I highly doubt his wife was like, pressuring him into joining bc she’s infinitely more chill than felicia

but basically all this to say that I knew the wedding was gonna be at their church but it was really surprising to me just how Christian it was? my dad’s been a bit more outwardly Christian but neither he nor his wife have really made a big deal out of it so when their vows genuinely sounded like those memes about having Jesus as a third it was really shocking to me

and I think part of it is definitely due to me being raised CoC, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that people can be devout casual Christians, if that makes sense. I guess it’s almost kinda the opposite of what that post was saying - practicing Christianity WAS very much a cultural thing that permeated every aspect of my life growing up, so the idea that one can be Christian without actually seeming (to me, anyway) to do anything Christian outside of maybe holidays & life events Does Not Compute. It’s something I’m still trying to unlearn.

anyway the stuff by the pastor was a bit uncomfortable but more or less what I was expecting so it didn’t really bother me

(btw I keep referring to her as my dad’s wife bc I mean, technically yeah she’s my step-mom and she’s a very nice woman and I have nothing against her, but she’s not exactly going to be occupying a “motherly” role in my life. also it just feels Weird)

at the reception her family invited us to visit the church some time and asked us if we had a “home church” or st and me (Jewish) and my brothers (pagan and atheist(?)) just kinda looked at each other and were like “not at the moment”

idk how exactly one’s supposed to handle that but I don’t think it’ll come up too often since I doubt I’m going to be interacting with any of her family members besides her mom (whom I’ve met a few times already and has Also not been pushy about religion) and maybe her sister.

as the groom’s kids we had a few guests come up and mingle and among them was a couple from a church we used to go to; my dad’s stayed in touch with them for a while bc the husband’s also into music stuff but it was Mildly Terrifying to realize I haven’t seen these people in over a decade and they could deadname me at any second or make a big deal about my transition. luckily neither of those things happened (that I know of anyway) but. hhhh.

last thing isn’t actually super related to religion but my dad met his wife through this German band they’re both in, so ofc the other members played at the reception in full gear and invited us to do various dances and it really caught me off guard when they were like “okay this time we’re going to Schunklen” (or something to that effect.) At the time it sounded like they said “shuckling” and I was like. huh. obviously Yiddish and German are related and it didn’t take long to realize that they almost certainly come from the same kinda root word that meant st like “swaying” but boy did it throw me for a loop

#religious stuff

1 note · View note

amiramorozova · 2 years

Text

Dual Summoner and The Darkling -Princess version- pt. 11 -Wedding-

I questioned everything in that moment, I was not supposed to kiss him..I was not supposed to give myself to him until the wedding. I hated it! I was not free from any of this yet and I had another year. Still when it was time for bed I tried to sleep but my heart was not calming down as we were in separate beds. When I finally did fall asleep I was able to sleep before I was awoken by a dream.

Aleksander was right by my side as he put a hand on my cheek and looked at me but it wasn't the first time I'd been woken up like this. "My book.." I said as he moved to my bag and got the sketchbook and pencil but before he handed it to me he opened it seeing the pages were filled with the stag. "You neglected to mention you've been seeing this." He said as he handed it to me and I took it as I made a new sketch out. I used a small bit of light to see as it was dark to get the details right as he went over and watched as the blank page started to show. "Your seeing this when you sleep." Aleksander said

"I always have, my own family members do too that are Sun Summoners." I said as I put it down when I finished and put my hand over my eyes. I hated this but it was the way of life as I saw him reach for it but I grabbed it wrapped my arm around it and I laid down to try to sleep. I knew he was watching me as I figured he hardly slept "You should sleep." I said as he seemed to be looking over the map.

This went on for the week and then for months we were back and forth arguing and sometimes he'd break his resistance to kiss me. I kissed him back but his resistance was what got to me as he managed to pull himself away before it ever went too far. Within the little palace no one ever really knew. I didn't have to attend any parties that I didn't want to with being here and I was under his watch.

Yet the night before the wedding came before I knew it after he'd set things up, my birth parents were there and I was sitting in my room in the little palace. Marie and Nadia who I had a chance to meet were to keep me company were able to keep me from my anxiety as they were playing with different hairstyles for my hair tomorrow.

"Are you nervous?" Marie asked as I smiled a little "I'm terrified..I've known the General since my presentation and I have not always seen eye to eye with him..and I'm terrified of people watching us after the vows." I admitted as the two stopped looking in the mirror. I wasn't even sure if I was ready, maybe I was but I didn't want to be losing what made me innocent infront of so many people.

"I didn't realize so many things were involved but then you're considered the Princess..different expectations." Nadia said but we played cards and since I'd been old enough to drink I had a cup of Kvas. I knew the princes drank this and Nikolai still was not back but I'd sent word of what was happening. So imagine my surprise when I got a letter and I opened it reading it.

"What is it?" Marie asked as I was shocked but then put it away as I knew this was the only way I could be free was to marry Aleksander. "Nikolai..he's coming home. He'll be at the wedding." I said shocking them both. After that we didn't have much else to say except that we knew it was not going to be easy.

When the next morning came I was getting prepared though I admit I wanted to see Aleksander. I'd come to enjoy his company and I'd been secretly sneaking in his room to get used to the idea of sharing a room. The temptation there the whole time but I knew it wasn't allowed so I had to go with what was going on. Marie and Nadia helped me in the dress that I was to wear for the wedding.

Since my grandmother and grandfather had came my grandmother came to my room and decided to help with my hair for the wedding. I was hesitant but still I missed her and was glad things could be good.

I could tell she was working on making it work as we were silent at first before she spoke. "Aleksander is your Grisha soulmate..your father said the King and Queen allowed it only because of this.." I didn't move but I smiled "I'm nervous..but I'm happy..sadly I am subjected to their ways.." I said as I hated it. Being subjected to the King and Queen's rules it wasn't fair but then I remembered she had brought some family things as she smiled.

My grandma looked in the mirror with me as I smiled seeing her smiling. "You're a beautiful bride Amira." Grandma said as I was still hesitant but this was my freedom. "One last thing you have to endure is this wedding and what the royals require..after that you're free." Grandma assured me as I nod in agreement.

I got up from where I was after grandma put the veil on me and pulled the part that went over my face. When we were done I heard the sound of my door as I looked seeing my birth father there. He offered his hand to me "Your future awaits my Princess." Father said as I figured the king allowed him this. After all biologically I was my birth father's daughter as I took a breath and took his hand as he led me out. "I hate this..you marrying him..knowing who he is." Father said softly as I knew it was true. "I can..change his mind." I assured him

When we made it to the room I got nervous with all the people looking at me and I was held with high expectations. Aleksander looked back at me as he seemed in shock with how I was dressed up. My heart squeezed in my chest as I wanted to deny this to say I wasn't in love with him..but I am in love with him. When my father and I made it to the end of the aisle he handed my hand to Aleksander yet I felt it in his grip he didn't want to.

It'll be ok dad..but you won't like what is next. I thought

We were grisha soulmates therebefore we went with a different direction as the priest brought forth wine and a cup as the priest filled it. I didn't pay attention to the first part of what he said as I looked at Aleks. I was to marry him, be the General's wife and give him claim to the Ravkan throne. Somehow it all felt like so much was happening at once when the priest got my attention.

"Princess Amira" he said as he offered me a ceremonial knife as I looked at it then at him as Aleksander whispered in my ear "You have to cut me lightly just enough for a few drops." He whispered as I looked at him. I realized I must have looked like a fool but I wasn't even sure as I took it and he held his hand over the cup.

I'm really doing this...our blood will mix in this cup and we'll drink. I'll be bound to him..to my Grisha soulmate..to the black heretic.. I thought

I knew that last thought about him being the black heretic was a bit harsh, he didn't really seem power hungry as they said. He'd told me and I'd accepted he probably was wanting to destroy the fold as I kept hold of the knife and then made the light cut seeing the blood drops go into the cup as I put the blade and got the cloth wrapping it around the cut. After that Aleksander took my hand as I was still hesitant as he took the ceremonial knife and made a slight cut as I flinched as drops of my blood dropped into the cup before he set the knife down and got the cloth wrapping it around my own.

I saw the look on my dad's face that I would be blood bound to him by this marriage but this was my freedom. The priest mixed it before us as a healer came over to tend to us then sat down before the priest handed me the cup. "Moya Tsarevna" the priest said getting my attention as I took the cup knowing the blood in it was a Dual Summoner's blood and a Shadow Summoner's blood who had used Merzost. "Repeat after me Moya Tsarevna. I, Princess Amira take you General Kirigan as my husband as I drink from the cup of our shared life to come." The Priest said as I looked at Aleksander "I, Princess Amira take you General Kirigan as my husband as I drink from the cup of our shared life to come." I said as I lifted the cup to my lips and drank half the wine mixed with our blood then I handed the cup to him.

The priest then looked at him "General, please repeat after me. I, General Kirigan take you Princess Amira as my wife as I drink from the cup of our shared life to come." The Priest said as Aleksander looked at me. Part of him wanted to say the truth and perhaps he would once we were away but for now he'd follow the priest. "I, General Kirigan take you Princess Amira as my wife as I drink from the cup of our shared life to come." He said as he put the wine to his lips and drank what was left. We truly did not need rings bound by what was already happening yet a servant brought them as we took the one for the other, he slid the one for me on my ring finger and I did the same for him.

"By the power vested in me by the saints, I now pronounce you husband and wife. General you may kiss your bride." The priest said as Aleksander claimed my lips in a kiss. I kissed him back and once that was done people headed over to the other room where the next part was going to be. We were left alone as no one else was there and Aleksander kneeled down before me as he looked at me. "I, Aleksander Morozova take you Amira Silina as my wife for as long as we both live." He said to me as we were eternal and I smiled. "Say it please Amira..the right way." Aleksander asked as I nod. "I, Amira Silina take you Aleksander Morozova as my husband for as long as both live." I said

Aleksander stood up and kissed me again as he held me close and I kissed him back but still to the people I was Princess Amira. "We need to go." I said as he nods and brushed a piece of hair out of my face. "I'll do what I can to protect you from being too exposed at the wedding night part for now, enjoy the next part the wedding dinner." Aleksander said as he led me to the other room.

Wedding part over..wedding dinner now..then the wedding night. I thought

TagList: @lifeisingrey, @houseoftoomanyfandoms, @mizelophsun11, @budugu , @wheresthesunshinesblog

#Dual Summoner and the Darkling -princess version-#princess amira #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fanfiction #fanfic #Dual Summoner Amira #Amira Silina x Aleksander Morozova #aleksander morovoza #Amira Silina #darkling #the darkling #Team Darkling #darkling x oc #Wedding #general kirigan #Grishaverse #ben barnes #original story

2 notes · View notes

mental-health-advice · 1 year

Note

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over 5 years. He is absolutely everything to me and we’re definitely planning on getting married in the future. The problem I’m facing is that he has enlisted in the US Navy and is also going for an officer position, so he’s going to be gone for five months for boot camp/training. The longest I’ve been away from him since we started dating was a little over a month when I was on a study abroad trip, and even then I was still able to text him every day. I’ve joked with someone people that he’s “90% of my mental stability” but it’s mostly true. My anxiety and depression has gotten much worse within the last 1-2 years (due to the pandemic, academics, etc) and I’ve always relied on him to help me through and to make me happy even if it’s just for a few hours. I’m absolutely terrified of what’s going to happen when he leaves. Obviously he won’t be able to have his phone readily available and I’m not sure how often (or if any) visits are allowed. I honestly don’t really have friends that I can turn to. I have a good relationship with my family but I also don’t really like to share my problems (that’s a whole other issue). He’s leaving in March and will be gone through August. I just don’t know how to get through those five months without slipping back down into the hole I’ve been trying to crawl out of.

Hey there,

This must be a really difficult time for you. It can be so hard when someone we love so much is going away (for whatever reason) and especially when they have been our rock.

I know it can be difficult to lean on others and confide in others for support like family members (I’m the same) but have you ever thought about maybe seeing a therapist or a counsellor, someone neutral you can talk to confidentially who won’t judge you? Yes, talking to someone you don’t know can be hard, but it can also be easier in a sense as they don’t know you or anything unless you tell them which gives you the power. Is this something you feel might be helpful for you (therapy) whilst your boyfriend is away or possibly for longer if it helps and you get benefits from it? We have a link on getting help here and how you can go about getting some support and that kind of thing. Of course, you can also always contact a counsellor via a helpline or on web counselling at any time if this is easier for you and especially if you need to talk to someone straight away.

It might also be helpful to remind yourself of how far you have come in your recovery and life in general. Your mental health is not dependent on another person being there for you or not even though it may feel like it so I would encourage you to think back to those times when you have gotten through struggles by yourself, or even with the slight help by your boyfriend – it can sometimes help to remember what someone may do to help you in a particular situation if they are not presently there for you, almost as if they are there even though they are not. Does that make sense?

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you, hope you’re going OK and I know you can get through this whilst your boyfriend is away – you are so much stronger than you think!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #boyfriend #going away #US navy #getting support

0 notes

lonelylacexo · 2 years

Text

INTRO: Tumblr. Hmm. Hopefully this will be a good outlet for me. Kinda like twitter. In the way that i can release my thoughts and feelings discreetly but also publicly. No one knows I have a twitter or tumblr. What to write. I have many thoughts. In this moment I’m worried. Kind of worried about the progression of my depression and anxiety. I feel its getting worse some days. More so depression. Anxiety I dont struggle with as much. It really is a disease. Something i have to catch while in the middle of it. Catch my negative disgusting thoughts. Dark, thorough intense feelings. I like to think I ponder on things heavily. I know i dont think, talk or act like a typical kud my age. I never ever have. Also been at least mature. I think about death constantly. And when I say dark thoughts, I dont mean like evil, violent or malice. Or harming anyone in any way. I mean i think about my existence. A feeling I’ve never been able to explain to anyone no mattter how hard i try. I’m used to pain. Figuring out what im going to do.

I’ve been heartbroken and running since I was born. I was born into a broken family. And when I got taken away from it, I went to another broken family. Mommy and daddy issues from the start. My birthparents acknowledge that we were spoiled and fed and financially ok. The best toys and clothes and tvs in our rooms. But was it ok to do drugs in the home, for our house to be shot up every week. To hop from friend to family member because my mother needed to snort some and needed a babysitter? To have everything we owned bought with drug money? In and out of prison? Random people passing thru our house everyday? To remember all of that? It is what it is right? Im the only one of my siblings that remembers it. I’ll never know why. Why I remember what our house looked like. Why I remember going to the market with my brother. Why I remember eating spongebob ice cream. Why I remember my mom screaming.

I’m not special. everyone has struggled, everyone has deep dark feelings. Everyone has some sort of trauma. I just happen to have a lot of it. Some of it is self inflicted, some of it could have been avoided. Majority of it couldn’t. I’ll process thru it all hopefully. Im trying at least right? Thats what matters. I’ll write all about my life. I’ll do it chronologically. Starting from my birth. Then move on to the next trauma when I feel ready to.

Last thing I wanna add before I go, is death. I briefly mentioned it. But death. D-E-A-T-H. Deeeaatthhhh. Huh. Some days i cant wait for it, some days im terrified. Terried more of the unknown and what will happen to me once I’m gone. I want to die and see if anyone would really be affected by it. See if anyone would care. Not in a pick me way just to see if I really did my job. Did my job of being the best person I could be and making a difference. I’m scared of not existing. I dont know if I believe in heaven. Well, whatever happens I’ll have to deal with right? Thats my life motto sheesh. I could go more in depth but I’ll come back to this thought later. More than anything I want to be at peace. Full contentment. Ease. Tranquility. No one knows how I feel. No one can. People can help you feel less alone, but its ludicrous to think that people can feel the exact feeling when you have gone thru different things. No person is the exact same to the next. Or maybe they do and I’m stupid. Its the depression telling me that. That im alone blah blah and no one understands. Whatever. I know I’m alone and its ok. One thing to cry and dwell about it, its another to embrace and accept it.

This is the intro. If I fulfill my dreams and wishes, then hopefully people can come back to this and find comfort and to feed their curiosity about me. If anyone really cares about my thought process and where I’m at currently. Who knows. Maybe no one will read this and that brings me peace too. Well im gonna go to bed. Sincerely, Laci

1 note · View note

heisenho · 3 years

Note

Karl x Fem!Reader that also has the ability to bend metal and being his little apprentice. Like they go from mentoring to lovers?

Power

[Karl Heisenberg x Fem!Reader]

Warnings: 18+, MINORS DNI! Good ol' pussy eatin', Karl being a bit of a dick, just normal re8 stuff.

A/N: This was so fun to write, i do hope you like it! Thanks so much for this request! This is more... uh reader loathing karl and then letting him mentor her, and then they become lovers. i hope that is okay dfijffnwfjw

“Fuck!” You screamed out, stomping your foot. “Why can’t I just live with Lady Dimitrescu?”

You were growing angry. Rage boiled inside of you. You let out a loud, shrill scream and slammed your foot against the metal you were supposed to be moving around with your fucking mind.

“Shit!”

Another yell. You grabbed your foot and fell to the ground, rolling in the dirt for a minute.

“Get the fuck up.”

You stopped your rolling and your eyes shot towards Heisenberg. You stood up and glared at him. You crossed your arms and stepped closer to him.

“Girl,” Heisenberg growled, “You do not wanna do that.”

When you were first sent to live with Heisenberg, you were sure it was going to be hell, he was terrifying. But now, it was hell because he was being bossy.

“You’re lucky I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Otherwise... You’d be-”

“What? What would I be?

Your arms fell to your sides, your fingers digging into your palms. You screamed again and turned to stomp away from Heisenberg. His jacket rustled and you ignored it, thinking he was probably going to fuck around with his powers just to show off.

Show off, he did.

A piece of metal came flying towards your legs and wrapped around your shins, knocking you to the ground. A scared noise fell from your lips and you scratched at the ground, trying your best to stop whatever was happening. Once it registered that you were not about to get away, you let yourself slide towards Heisenberg.

The metal around your legs began to pull you upwards and you tensed. You truly had not expected to start fucking floating. The metal tightened as your moved higher into the air, thankfully Heisenberg seemed to not want to drop you.

“Oh, if only there were a way you could escape this.”

You swung your arm out and let out a strangled, stressed scream as he caught it. “Karl, let me down right now!”

Blood was starting to rush to your head. Heisenberg was deadpan, watching you struggle. He didn’t look comfortable, but he also was letting it happen. As you were leaning up, pulling at the metal, Heisenberg reached up to you, the metal falling and you dropping into his arms.

He quickly set you down and began to walk back to his factory. “C’mon, we’ll try again tomorrow.”

You looked down at the metal and tried your best, really giving it your all, and moved your hand outward, towards it, but nothing happened.

“Karl,” you let out a soft whine, “I can’t do this.”

Karl came up from behind and sighed. You knew for sure he was about to pull some more bullshit, so you tensed. Karl’s face dropped, his eyes softening, but you couldn’t quite see that. You could, however, hear Karl sigh.

“We’re gonna try something different.” Karl stepped behind you and your body only tensed even more.

Karl placed his gloved hand on your bicep and slid it down your arm, causing your breath to catch in your throat. “Focus on the metal,” he brought your hand upwards and uncurled your fingers, which were digging into your palm. “Just think about moving it, it’ll come naturally.”

You nodded and relaxed into him, “Okay.”

Suddenly the metal moved. You gasped and practically ripped away from Karl, your excitement bubbling over. You turned and looked at him with wide eyes.

“I did it!”

“Told ya it wasn’t hard.”

You huffed at him, “You literally dragged me around the dirt yesterday, sir! Do not go talking about this bein’ easy!”

Karl snorted, “Whatever, girl,” his eyes rolled behind his sunglasses. “Now, we can get to the actual training.”

You stood across from Karl, in the scrapyard, your fingers twitching at your sides. You were finally getting good at whatever the hell Miranda had “blessed” you with, and Karl was taking training up a notch.

The metal began to float around you causing you to feel a little anxiety. You brought your arms up, palms facing Karl, and you pushed some of the metal back towards him. As you did that, he snapped his fingers, effortlessly causing a piece of metal to fly at you. A short whine escaped you as it scraped your cheek.

Warmth ran down your cheek. Blood.

“Not fair!”

“Life isn’t fair, Kitten,” Karl smirked.

You blinked, and your hands fell down to your sides. Your entire body tensed and without even thinking, you caused the metal to shift around you. Every single piece, even the ones near Karl, hit the ground. Hard.

“That’a girl!”

Karl walked towards you and smiled proudly. Your stomach twisted and you swallowed hard. Something about that pet name, and the way he said it... He had your stomach in knots. You gave him a nervous smile and nodded.

“Thanks. I totally meant to do that.”

Karl laughed, “Let’s go inside, I think that’s enough for today. Anyway,” Karl brought his gloved hand to your cheek, “You’re bleeding. You need to clean that up.”

Without thinking, you swatted him away and leaned back from him. Karl, unbeknownst to you, was not a fan of that reaction. His face dropped, slightly, before he gave you a cocky grin once more.

The both of you walked in, and you knew you were going to have to deal with your new feelings, one way or another.

It had been about a week since ‘the incident’ and you could not get the way he called you ‘kitten’ out of your head. He hadn’t said it since, he had barely gotten close to you unless he was training with you, and even then he kept his distance.

You had to find a way to relieve stress and you had to find one soon. Being a desperate woman, you decided, when there was a family meeting, you were going to find one of Alcina’s daughters and ask her for help.

And you did just that.

“Daniela,” You pulled her to the side and prayed that Karl wouldn’t find you, “I need help.”

“Ooooh~” She let out a laugh, or what you could only assume was a laugh, “what does the newest member of the family need?”

“Please keep quiet, this is important to keep between us, and only us.”

“Of course,” she grabbed your shoulder and smiled at you.

‘Maybe she’s trying to make me feel less scared?’ You thought. “Anyway...” You tried to shrug her hand away, “Look, do you ladies have any... toys. Just, like, around the castle?”

“Toys?” Daniela cocked her head, “I didn’t think you wanted to play with men?”

Your eyes widened, “No! Sex toys!” You hissed at her.

Her eyes lit up, “Oh! Of course. Follow me, my cute little pet.”

And just like that, you were completely set up to relieve your stress.

Finding a secluded area was not the easiest. So many of Karl’s little experiments wandered around. But once you found it, you were ecstatic.

You were sprawled out on a small pallet you had made. You had surrounded yourself with some metal, a barrier between you and the creatures that could find you. Keeping it up was becoming a hassle, especially once you started feeling immense pleasure.

You had been messing around with yourself for a good half of the day. You had somehow convinced Karl to let you wander off and not work that day. He said he had things he needed to tend to, and let you go off on your own.

You were taking breaks in between sessions, but nothing was like the real thing. The vibrations of the toy were sending shockwaves through your body. You were getting close to the edge, toes curling, eyes rolling back, and body tensing. And, unlike all your other orgasms, you let out a loud whimper.

“Hey, girl-” Karl called out, obviously looking for you.

“Karl-” You moaned out, not registering Karl’s voice.

Something had come over you, you were completely wrecked by the thought of Karl having his way with you. To the point where you called out for him. And he most definitely heard you.

The metal dropped around you and you, suddenly, you were forced to face Karl. Once and for all. A scream ripped from your throat and you closed your legs, pulling your large, button up shirt, over your knees.

“Fuck!” You yelled, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t-”

“Damn,” Karl, being the extreme gentleman he was, noticed you weren’t entirely comfortable and covered his eyes. “If you needed some help you could have asked.”

“Karl!” You shouted throwing the sex toy to the side. Face burning, body trembling, mind filled with pure embarrassment, you just sat on the floor, “Shut up!”

Suddenly, you realized what he said. Your jaw dropped and your arms, that were wrapped around your legs, tensed.

“Last chance,” Karl smirked, eyes still hidden, “you obviously need-”

“Okay.”

That was all he needed to hear. His hand dropped from his face and he stalked towards you. Without a word, Karl leaned down, picked you, and tossed you over his shoulder. Letting out a small gasp, you hung down his back. One of his hands held you steady while the other rested on your ass.

The both of you reached his ‘room’, just an area with a mattress on the ground not as many experiments around. Karl placed you down on the mattress and leaned over you, he peeked over his sunglasses at you.

“You have no clue how long I’ve wanted this.”

Heisenberg’s mouth was the shell of your ear, his breath causing your body to react in the best way possible. He pulled back and stared you down, like a predator ready to devour their prey. Your knees knocked together and you were looking up at Heisenberg with big doe eyes. His large calloused hand grabbed one of your knees and he pulled your legs apart, gently.

“I was wondering where that shirt went...”

“Well, maybe if you had more shirts you wouldn’t have noticed.”

Karl chuckled, a rumble coming from his chest, and you felt like you had made some type of mistake, “Are you sure you wanna get that tone with me, kitten?”

“Yes...” It sounded more like a question than an answer, but the confidence was almost there.

“How are you so bratty, yet so cute?” Karl positioned himself between your legs.

You shrugged, unable to find words to say. Your brain was malfunctioning at the worst time. You had thought about this moment, even dreamed of it, and now there you sat, looking like some deer in headlights. You were vulnerable and so small compared to him.

“You sure you’re up for this, kitten? You’re looking a little-”

“I’m good!” Your voice cracked, “You have no clue how much I’ve wanted this- you. I just kinda thought you... hated me.”

Karl cocked his head at you, “How? You’re fucking amazing. I thought you hated me, the way you tensed when we were training... I just assumed you were afraid.”

“Karl,” you spoke so calmly, as if you weren’t almost naked and completely vulnerable under him, “as I said before, you dragged me through the dirt with metal...”

“That was just tough love,” Karl smirked down at you, before his facial features softened, “I can make it up to you?”

You nodded, wondering what he had in mind.

“Lean back,” he moved down, positioning himself between your legs, his body keeping your legs from closing.

You complied of course, and leaned back for him. Your back hit the mattress and you let out a shaky sigh. Karl began to softly kiss up your thigh, his large hands pulling your legs further apart. Your hands gripped at the bare mattress below you and you arched into Karl’s mouth.

Once he reached your cunt, you let out a soft moan, waiting for more. One of Karl’s hands gripped at your hip, while the other pulled your shirt up further. His hand quickly moved from your shirt and to your bare ass.

“I promise, I’ll be gentle,” Karl murmured right before his tongue licked a stripe up your pussy.

You gasped. God, it was everything you had imagined, and better. His tongue quickly found your clit and he sucked at it, briefly, before getting back to your pussy.

You let out a soft hum of pleasure, your hands knocking his hat off and grabbing at his hair. You pulled at it and Karl immediately stopped.

“Girl,” his chest rumbled, and his eyes snapped up at you, “I don’t think you’re prepared for what that brings.”

You couldn’t answer, you were genuinely too in the moment to register anything but your own pleasure. And you were getting close to cumming. Your back arched, and your toes curled, once his lips met your throbbing pussy again.

“Karl,” your voice was loud, but not loud enough.

“Kitten, who’s making you feel this good?”

“You- You are!”

Your feet jerked, pulling you up on your tiptoes, and your back curved, causing your hips to push into Karl, letting his tongue go deeper.

“Karl! I’m- I’m gonna-” You were cut off, everything becoming too much.

You gasped loudly and the entire factory shifted and groaned. Your eyes screwed shut and your entire body tensed under him. Karl did not slow. You felt the metal around you beginning to move.

Your eyes snapped open, just in time for you to witness the metal starting to come to life around the two of you. You fell, your back colliding with the mattress once more, and the metal fell back down. The factory stopped creaking, the only noise now being your loud panting.

“Damn, girlie,” Karl brought his face up to yours, “you’re more powerful than I thought...”

Karl gave you a kiss, and you quickly deepened it. Your arms wrapped around his neck and held himself above you. Your legs wrapped around his waist and you softly mewled beneath him. Reluctantly, Karl pulled away and pressed his forehead to yours.

“How about-” he paused, thinking about his wording, “how about we take this shit over? Fuck everyone else. Me and you, kitten, that’s all that matters.”

You quickly answered, unsure if it was the fact he just ate your pussy, the love you felt for him, or your genuine hate for Mother Miranda. Or all of the above, “How about we fuck first? The vibrator just wasn’t doing it. We can think about world domination after sex.”

“I like the sound of that.”

#karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x reader #karl heisenberg x you #karl heisenberg imagine #beff writes #anzu-sl #i love karl so much #like.#karl top me challenge #i hope this was good!!!#aaaaa #im always nervous to post a fic lol

2K notes · View notes

robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Note

A-Yuan wasn’t the only child among the Wen Remnants, just the youngest.

Children's Day - ao3

Lan Wangji carefully scooped up the boy out of his hiding place, tucked beneath a pile of stones, sick with fever and fast asleep.

It was a good hiding place. If Lan Wangji hadn’t played Inquiry and demanded to know if there were any living beings around in this cursed place of death, he would never have found the small child.

He remembered him – this was little A-Yuan, who Wei Wuxian had taken down into town to play, the one Lan Wangji had bought all those toys for in his confusion, the one who called him rich-gege. Barely more than two years old, having never known anything but war.

He was all that was left, now. There was nothing else left in the battlefield.

No one else left.

Lan Wangji closed his eyes in pain.

I’ll care for him for you, he promised Wei Wuxian’s ghost, wherever it might be now. Now that you cannot.

I’ll take him back to Gusu to raise as my own – wishing you were by my side.

-Earlier-

“Sect Leader!” one of his aides cried out when he staggered back into camp. “What – who’s that?”

Jiang Cheng looked down at the girl in his arms. She was – four, maybe? Five? He had no idea.

She looked a bit like Wen Qing.

“I found her hiding in the corner of the battlefield when she made a noise,” he said hoarsely. “The Wen sect remnants…by the time I got there, they were almost all dead already, all her family. She’s – she’s young. It didn’t seem right.”

Wei Wuxian always liked children, he thought vaguely to himself as he looked down at her. It wasn’t so much of a surprise that he would keep one there…in fact, if he thought back to that horrible meeting they’d had that one time he’d come to the Burial Mounds to try to talk to Wei Wuxian, he thought he remembered there being a small child there. This must be her.

She was bigger than he remembered, but that was what happened with small children, wasn’t it?

“Her surname is Wen?”

“No,” Jiang Cheng snapped automatically, and his aide took a step back from his vehemence. “The Wen sect is dead, you understand? All of them. The cultivation world refused to allow them to live, that much is obvious enough. Her surname…”

He looked down at her.

I failed Wei Wuxian, he thought grimly. I won’t fail his legacy.

“Her surname will be Jiang.”

-Earlier-

“We found this child hiding in the Demon Subduing Cave,” one of the guards reported, looking nervous. “Lianfeng-zun – what do we do with them?”

Jin Guangyao frowned down at the child, judging the child’s age to be about five or six – maybe seven, considering the likelihood of malnutrition at the Burial Mounds. If they were any younger, he would’ve said that the child ought to just execute them as useless; any older, and he would’ve had no choice but to declare them an enemy combatant, and thereby order them executed.

At this age, though…they were still young enough to be taught to forget their current surname, and to learn new loyalties, and yet old enough to perhaps remember a little of what they had learned, living as they had for a few years with the inventor of demonic cultivation.

Jin Guangyao glanced at the papers in his hands, full of barely legible scribbles, laying out powerful new spells and interesting ideas. They would help Xue Yang with his work – but not as much as a helper would, and naturally they’d just brutally executed all the other ‘helpers’ that might have been available.

Not exactly Jin Guangyao’s personal preference, but he wasn’t the one leading the Jin sect army.

Still, his father, who had been the one leading, had retired to his tent, and now Jin Guangyao was the one with the power, left to be in charge of mopping up. That, in turn, gave him a little more leeway, which meant he could implement his own thoughts, rather than badly thought out instructions.

“Put the child in my tent,” he said, and smiled. “The poor thing must have gotten lost and entered the battlefield – after we arrived. You understand?”

The guard saluted deeply. “Lianfeng-zun is kind and beneficent,” he said, and his expression was worshipful. “I will tell the others that the child is from some distant Jin branch.”

Jin Guangyao hadn’t intended for him to do that, but – well, he couldn’t exactly refute it now, could he, and anyway there were worse things to happen. Everyone would know that he had kindly taken in some orphaned child of war, which would be good for his reputation.

He smiled and nodded, and thought of the future.

-Earlier-

“Well, shit,” Nie Mingjue said, staring at the trio of children: nine or ten years old, he thought, maybe a little older, two girls and a boy. They stared back at him, wide-eyed and terrified – they were very clearly trying to sneak off the Burial Mounds down the back way.

Nie Mingjue rubbed his face, glad that he’d insisted on doing the forward scout work before the attack tomorrow morning himself rather than let it go to someone else. He hadn’t wanted to come to this blasted place in the first place, being that he still wasn’t sure exactly what had gone down with Wei Wuxian, who’d been a good man once. But good Nie cultivators had died at Lanling City at Wen Ning’s hands, the Jin sect claiming that that brutal attack was at Wei Wuxian’s instigation, and at the Nightless City at Wei Wuxian’s hands directly, and he didn’t have any evidence to exculpate the man, either; he had no grounds to look the families of those Nie cultivators in the eye and tell them not to pursue vengeance against the man who had slaughtered their brothers and fathers and sons, sisters and mothers and daughters, like they meant nothing.

They deserved vengeance.

Just as he had, for his father.

But at the same time…

“You’re all surnamed Wen, I take it?” he asked, and they slowly nodded. “Dafan Wen?”

Another nod.

“Wrong answer,” he said, making a snap decision. This wasn’t like his father at all, not really; he had wanted to kill Wen Ruohan, who had done the deed himself, while these children clearly hadn’t done anything. “Swear to me here and now that you won’t seek revenge for your sect or family, and you can be surnamed Nie instead.”

They looked at each other.

“Your family didn’t send you to run away because they wanted you to take revenge,” he said. It was a guess, but he could tell from the way their shoulders sagged that he was right. “They wanted you to live. Well?”

They swore.

He took them home.

-Earlier-

She tripped and fell flat on her face.

“Hey, girl!”

She looked up, eyes wide with terror – she hadn’t expected to be caught so soon – but the cultivator in front of her didn’t strike her down. He was a young man, just a few years older than her, and he looked nice, kneeling to help her up.

“Are you all right?” he asked. “Did you get lost?”

Lost? From where would she get lost, exactly?

Despite that, she nodded.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Here isn’t a good place, though – we’re going to have a battle tomorrow…can you tell me where you’re from?” He frowned. “Or – can’t you speak?”

An idea suddenly came to mind, and she shook her head, lifting up her hands to mime signs like the ones she’d seen Lady Wen and her brother use sometimes when they needed to talk without disturbing others.

“Doesn’t talk,” he murmured to himself. “Clothing of white, ripped all to ribbons –”

She’d torn out any trace of the red sun. White was a common color, but she was old enough to know that she couldn’t let anyone know she was surnamed Wen.

“Oh, I’ve read about this before! Are you a bird yao that’s cultivated to humanity?”

What?

She’d been thinking of trying to pass as a traumatized war veteran, but she was only fourteen, after all; it wasn’t very believable. Of course, it was a lot more believable that bird yao – who would leap to that conclusion?

“My surname is Ouyang,” the man said, smiling brightly at her. “You should come back with me – I can teach you to speak, and we can give you a name…how about ‘Luo’ as a surname? That has to do with birds. Or we could surname you Bai, instead, since your clothing is white! Or maybe -”

She smiled helplessly at his nonsense. What a silly, cheerful man! Maybe she’d overestimated his age, he couldn’t be more than two or three years older, at most, and his brain was clearly not in the right place, filled up to the brim with romantic stories and adventure tales instead of facts.

It was a nice change, actually.

She accepted his hand as she stood.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

-Earlier-

Lan Wangji had returned home and submitted to a dreadful punishment. The elders he had injured on Wei Wuxian’s behalf were either in treatment or recovering.

As for the rest that had been at the Nightless City…

Many were dead.

Lan Qiren landed in the Burial Mounds, lips pressed tightly together.

He knew he was taking a risk in coming here to Wei Wuxian’s lair – no matter what Lan Wangji thought, whatever good points he’d had in the past, the man was now little better than a mad dog. He’d caused the death of three thousand people just the day before, three thousand innocents that hadn’t had anything to do with anything; why would he hesitate to attack his old teacher?

There was already talk of a siege – Jiang Cheng himself had promised to lead it, to wipe off the stain on the Jiang sect’s record, and the Jin sect had been right behind him. Even Nie Mingjue had been dragged in against his will, suborned by his sect members’ need for vengeance. As for the Lan Sect…Lan Xichen had looked so stricken by the thought that Lan Qiren had volunteered for the grim duty, despite Lan Qiren having never been much of a fighter and even less of a general. He intended to take only the smallest possible contingent, and to limit their work as much as possible to cleansing the dead rather than killing those who remained there – that much, at least, he could do for his nephew.

Either way, though, no matter his powers, Wei Wuxian would not live out the week.

If Lan Qiren desired vengeance, he need only wait.

And yet, here he was.

Alone, practically unarmed – and here nonetheless.

An old woman came out from the cave and squinted at him.

“It’s over,” she said sadly. “Isn’t it?”

Lan Qiren looked at her. One of the Wen remnants that Wei Wuxian had surrounded himself with, he assumed; the ones he’d given up his comfortable life for, claiming he was only acting as a righteous man ought. Perhaps he even had thought he was, back then.

Perhaps he really had been, back then.

“Yes,” Lan Qiren said, and cleared his throat. “After what he did at the Nightless City – the verdict is unquestionably death. But the rest of you…there are armies coming, and armies are not known for their leniency, especially not on passerby with the wrong surname. But they’re not here yet. There’s still time to flee – if you go now, you could take on a new surname and find some quiet place to live on.”

Lan Wangji had said they were civilians. Civilian life was to be prioritized above all else.

Lan Qiren was only doing what he must.

Despite his well-meant warnings, however, the old lady shook her head.

“There’s nowhere to go, and we won’t give up our surname,” she said, polite but stubborn to the last. “But thank you for taking the time to come here to tell us.”

“Wangji said that there were children here,” Lan Qiren insisted, ignoring her refusal. “If you won’t flee with them, at least send those that are old enough out on their own, and hide the younger ones. Tell them to forget their surnames – most people won’t rampantly murder children, so there’s a chance they’ll make it through, and live. Can you deny them that, just for pride?”

That gave the old woman pause.

“We’ll do what we can,” she said, and then eyed him. “How good are you at medicine?”

Lan Qiren frowned. “I can’t provide care –”

“She’s already dead. Come help anyway.”

The woman in question was not already dead, but dying – she was in her late teens, seventeen or eighteen at most, and she was in labor. From the glassiness of her eyes, the redness of her cheeks, and the threadiness of her pulse, it was clear that infection had long ago set in. It was not an exaggeration to say she was dead, little better than a corpse.

She was little more than a child.

“I don’t want her to die alone,” the old woman said. “But if you stay with her, I can use the time to try to take care of the rest. You’re not wrong, I suppose – the children, at least, deserve a chance to live on, even if it means leaving our surname behind.”

Lan Qiren looked down at the woman, unconscious already and unlikely to ever wake, and yet still whimpering. “And her child?”

The old woman looked surprised. “Can a child born like this still live?”

Lan Qiren had almost no medical training beyond the most superficial basics that were the necessity for any battlefield or night-hunt, with one sole exception: he had supervised the births of both his nephews by himself with little aid – his brother’s wife hadn’t wanted anyone else to be present, possibly in an attempt to prematurely enter her grave, possibly just out of spite. He had studied very hard in the days leading up to those births, and knew far more on the subject than most men did.

“It’s possible,” he said. “Unlikely, but – possible.”

He hesitated for a long moment.

“I can take the baby,” he finally said. “Pass him off as some war-orphan child of distant Lan cousins, sent to me on account of their deaths. I could raise him, or else give him to my cousin to raise; he’s got a large enough family that no one would question it.”

“Why would you do that?”

Lan Qiren looked at the woman who was dying, little more than a child herself. “Because of the children I can’t help.”

The old woman was quiet for a little while.

“Very well,” she said, and leaned forward to whisper the name the young woman had thought about for her child into his ear. “That works with Lan as a surname, wouldn’t it? That’s not bad.”

“Not bad at all,” Lan Qiren agreed, and rolled up his sleeves, settling down beside the girl. “Not bad at all.”

#mdzs #lan wangji #jiang cheng #jin guangyao #nie mingjue #lan qiren #original characters #my fic #my fics #children's day #some untamed elements

369 notes · View notes

sevlgi · 3 years

Text

hit and run

requested: no

group: blackpink

pairing: rosé x fem!reader

genre: a shit ton of angst, some fluff

contents: idol!rosé, actress!y/n, closeted!rosé, costar!au, slight enemies-to-lovers, unhappy endings because i’m a bitch, a lot of attempted cinematic parallels, italicized dialogue is when they’re speaking as their characters

warnings: slight homophobia

synopsis: There’s absolutely no reason for you to get involved with a costar who you should hate by all accounts. But of course, you manage to forget that love is usually more like a hit-and-run than a cruise ship.

a/n: while i was writing this, i imagined this as what happened before rosie sang “gone”, so maybe you can think of it like that too? i’m honestly so terrified of this flopping lmao...

for a little background on the film: Y/N plays Luna, a pirate captain who unknowingly sacrificed her family in order to have the power to fight the regime that Rosé’s character Helen is a part of. Helen approaches Luna, determined to help her bring justice, but Helen is unable to choose between the benefits of staying with the regime, and following what she knows is right and destroying her life as a result.

word count: 6.8k

The last thing you want to hear on the morning of your first script reading is that the actress playing your love interest in the film has changed.

“What?” you say loudly, straightening in the backseat. Your manager frowns, and you sit obediently, but the scowl doesn’t leave your face. “What do you mean the actress changed?”

“Yeah. She had to leave the movie at the last minute,” he sighs.

Sooyoung was chosen alongside you, after lengthy interviews testing whether the two of you would be able to handle your characters’ dynamic. It took weeks for the director to decide that you were the pair that she wanted, so the news that you’ll be meeting your costar for the first time in front of paparazzi is quite the shock to your system. “Shit. Then who’s the replacement?”

Your manager presses his lips together firmly before answering, “Park Chaeyoung. She’s an idol.”

You groan and slump down again. “Great. Another idol actress? Please don’t tell me that this is her first role too. Oh god, is she straight?”

“Yes to all of the above,” Chan says tensely.

Maybe you’re being dramatic, but it’s honestly a big deal. It’s the first leading role you’ve bagged, especially in a mainstream LGBTQ+ movie, and Sooyoung was the best costar you could’ve picked. You’ve never met Park Chaeyoung before, and you already know that all your plans are going to be messed up.

Chan pulls the car into the parking lot, and you scowl when you realize that most of the paparazzi have arrived. “We’re going around the back. Y/N, promise me one thing: don’t make a scene, okay?” your manager pleads. “I’m not happy about it either, but Chaeyoung has a good reputation. You’ll just ruin yours if you blow up at her.”

“I promise,” you answer through gritted teeth. You slip through the open side door as soon as you get out of the car, ignoring Chan’s call after you to have a good time like you would’ve.

To make matters worse, you don’t even get a chance to talk to the director or Chaeyoung before you’re swarmed by a crowd of reporters, even if that ‘talk’ would’ve consisted of more yelling than anything. “Y/N, Y/N!”

“Okay, let her up!” Seulgi shouts, pushing her way through. She grips your arm to lead you towards the cast table, whispering under her breath, “I’ll explain later. But just run with it, okay?”

You have plenty of problems with idol actresses, but you’ve never been inclined to say all those problems to their faces. Until now, that is. Now, you’re sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with a girl you know has absolutely no credentials to be playing the other role in your upcoming movie, resisting the urge to ball your script up and throw it in her face.

There’s nothing wrong with Park Chaeyoung as a person-- she’s admittedly gorgeous, probably sweet, and you’re sure she isn’t a bad actress in any sense. The only thing wrong with the situation is that she’s painfully straight and auditioning to be your love interest in what might be Korea’s first mainstream lesbian film, and that you have never spoken to her before.

Chaeyoung avoids your stare with a clenched jaw, and in normal circumstances, you would already be apologizing profusely for making her uncomfortable. In this circumstance, though, your obvious grudge against her only contributes to the dynamic her character is supposed to have with yours.

“Miss Kang, is it true that the actors were only picked today?”

The director grimaces, and the both of you turn to look at the cameras flashing by the sides of the room. It was never the plan to allow paparazzi to sit in on the first reading that you and Chaeyoung would be doing together, especially since it’s true that Chaeyoung was only chosen hours ago, after the original actress bailed. Even though your grudge should be against the girl who left, it’s easier to glare at the one sitting next to you. “Not exactly. Y/N has been confirmed for the role of Luna for months, but we recently added Chaeyoung as Helen. But we can assure that their chemistry will be wonderful,” Seulgi reassures the audience. What a lie.

Yet another reporter calls out, “How much of the script will we be seeing today, and when will the trailer be released?”

“Since the casting was changed today, the trailer has been delayed,” Seulgi says. You can hear the panic in her voice, and clear your throat. “As for the script… we’re only doing part of one scene that will show up in the trailer today, so we’ll just let them begin. Y/N?”

As you take a sip of water to prepare yourself, you almost hope that Chaeyoung messes up her part. It would be bad press, sure, and it would only contribute to Seulgi’s stress, but it would be satisfying for her to realize that she doesn’t deserve her part. She’s just an idol, after all, and she’s taking away representation from the people who need it.

“Are you saying you’re better than me?” you begin, your voice ice-cold.

You watch Chaeyoung’s throat bob, but her voice is steady and clear when she says her line. “No! I’m not saying that I’m better than you… but by all accounts, there’s no way you should have this power.”

“Would you be less scared then?” You pause, watch as Chaeyoung’s expression changes to the panic that her character’s would. “I’m kidding, Helen. I did things to get these powers, things that I’m not proud of.”

“Why would you do that? You’re strong… you don’t need them.”

“I’ve never been-- shit.” The tips of your ears start to burn, and suddenly, your lines are swimming before your eyes. Maybe all your hoping and wishing that Chaeyoung messes up has reflected onto you instead.

She attempts to remind you, “I haven’t always--”

“I know,” you hiss, but your voice is too loud in the silent room. Chaeyoung turns bright pink, too, but you still can’t seem to say your lines out loud. Shit, shit, shit--

“I’m just trying to help,” she sighs.

You whip your head to glare at her, and she winces at the daggers you send in her direction. “Shut the hell up--”

“Okay, the script reading will end here,” Seulgi announces loudly, and you bite down hard on your tongue. You don’t dare to look at the other cast members, don’t dare to think about how they must be guilting you for cutting their PR short. “Thank you everyone, please leave with security.”

You stay in your seat, staring at your script with burning eyes until you feel a hand on your shoulder and jolt. “Hey,” Chaeyoung reminds you, “we can leave.”

“Don’t touch me” is your only answer, and you storm out of the room. Alone.

The next time you see Chaeyoung is the next day, at a script-reading that the paparazzi knows nothing about. (You do see a friend request from a Park Chaeyoung the night before, but you ignore it.)

Seulgi attempts a smile, but it doesn’t hide the bags under her eyes. She claps and raises her voice to get the cast’s attention. “Okay, everyone. We didn’t get what we wanted yesterday, but that��s fine. Um… let’s try yesterday’s scene from Chaeyoung’s part, okay? From ‘you don’t need them’.”

Chaeyoung nods. “You’re strong… you don’t need them,” she starts, worry tinging into her voice.

“I haven’t always been strong,” you reply, your voice harsher than it should be just to stop yourself from messing up again.

“Still. Powers aren’t everything, Luna, it’s too hard to have them.”

You sigh. “Newsflash, princess. It’s harder not to.”

“But--” Chaeyoung interjects.

“Did you ever think,” you cut her off, “that I didn’t care that it’d be hard? Did you ever think that the rest of us are tired of you abusing the thing that you’re given, but we have to fight for?”

You look right to Seulgi once you finish, ignoring the part underneath that says you should look to Chaeyoung at the end of the scene. The director smiles anyway. “That was great, you two. I think you capture the tension perfectly, which is a relief.”

You fight the urge to laugh. “I know that changing our main cast so close to the actual production is really difficult,” Seulgi sighs. “And I’m really sorry to inconvenience you all. The schedule is really squished now, and we just have to work through it. Chaeyoung, Y/N, all I ask is that you try to work together, okay? I know you’ll be amazing together.”

Chaeyoung speaks, possibly for the first time besides her lines. “Of course, Ms. Bae. I’ll do my best.”

“I’m sure. We have to cut this short, again, but we’re scheduled for costume fitting right now,” Seulgi groans. “We have to at least get the outfits for the trailer to fit. Sorry, everyone. Down the hall, okay?”

Of course, you and Chaeyoung have to get fit together. The only sound in the hallway is that of her heels clicking on the wood, and you resist the urge to shout at her to stop. Luckily, you arrive in the fitting room before you can.

Your eyes widen at the dress hanging there. It’s incredible, even without the layers that would support the skirt-- you can’t even imagine how the beading and pink silk would look on Chaeyoung. Ethereal, probably. “Y/N, yours is here,” the costume director laughs, beckoning you over.

Even though your own outfit isn’t nearly as opulent, you can’t help but admire the gold detailing on the cuffs and the tailoring. “Thank god yours doesn’t take so much sewing,” the director grunts, pinning the side. “You know, the two of you are going to look fantastic in these, even if we have to spill all that blood on them to shoot the trailer.”

“Sooyoung would’ve looked better.” It’s mean, and it’s a low blow, but the director doesn’t take your bait.

She pokes her head out to where Chaeyoung’s being fitted. “Now? Okay, Y/N, go out there. We need to take a look at the two of you together.”

You can’t stop your jaw from dropping when you see Chaeyoung. She’s all candyfloss hair and gold adorning her tiny waist, and in all her glory, you can’t stop yourself from thinking that maybe she was made for the role. “You look really good,” she compliments softly.

Nodding stiffly, you turn for the seamstresses. Chaeyoung moves to fiddle with her gloves when she realizes that you have absolutely no interest in continuing the conversation.

Well, if there’s one thing you can nitpick about her, it isn’t how she looks; she looks absolutely perfect for the role of Princess Helen, maybe even more perfect than Sooyoung.

One of the costume directors steps in. “Okay, you can get changed out, but you have to come back in a few hours,” she tells you. “We have to make a lot of changes, then fit you again.”

You step down from the podium, going towards your dressing room without a second thought until Chaeyoung calls for you. “Y/N? Do you want to have lunch later? In your trailer or something?”

“Sure,” you answer, barely glancing back. When you do, all you see is her with shiny puppy eyes, and in her giant gown, it’s eerily similar to the role she’s supposed to be playing.

“It’s nice. You’ve decorated it?”

You nod absentmindedly, clearing the narrow couch off for yourself to sit on, since Chaeyoung has taken the only chair that could fit in the trailer. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve had it for a few months, so.”

She winces. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you frown. Chaeyoung apologizes too much, but at least she’s upfront about whatever she has to say.

Your costar sighs, “For usurping the role? You must’ve gotten attached to Sooyoung, and it’s got to be horrible for me to just… arrive like this.”

“You know… that’s part of it.” You can’t lie; a big part of the resentment you hold against Chaeyoung is the fact that she took a role meant for someone else, someone you were friends with. “The other thing… I don’t like idol actresses,” you tell her.

Chaeyoung’s brows furrow, and she leans forward. “Why? I mean, why don’t you?”

You pause to think about it. “Well… I mean, think about it like this. Sooyoung and my auditions went for weeks before we were chosen, as a pair. Didn’t you get this role because you were an idol? You had to audition, sure, but I bet you just flashed a few smiles and read the script and got chosen. How is that fair?”

She opens her mouth to speak, but you hold your hand up and continue, “And the other thing. You’re straight.”

Chaeyoung chokes on air at that, spluttering, “What? You hate me because I’m straight?”

“No,” you say incredulously, “Well, I don’t hate you. But you being straight, and landing the lead role in a film like this… you’re taking away representation. And that’s kind of shitty of you.”

The air inside the trailer becomes suffocating, and Chaeyoung’s fiddling with the jacket in her lap finally stops when she throws it aside and stands up. She sounds like she’s about to cry when she says quietly, “Have you ever considered that I’m not straight? It’s not… it’s not that easy to be out about it--”

“Oh, cry me a river,” you groan. “Look, I apologize for assuming, but if you want to act in lesbian roles, you can’t pretend to be straight. It’s all for your fans, isn’t it? Another part of being an idol--”

She stands up, then storms right out of the trailer without another word, the door banging closed. The only thing you can do in response is sigh and utter a quiet, “Shit”.

Perhaps it’s just your luck that the first proper scene you have to film with Chaeyoung is your culminating kiss scene.

It shouldn’t be in the trailer at all-- according to the scene schedule, the two of you would’ve filmed your scenes together in chronological order, and the kiss would’ve been at the end, hopefully after a reconciliation between the two of you. However, for some inexplicable reason, it’s going to be the first one you do, without a single second of rehearsal.

You’re a one-take wonder, and you always have been, but you can’t help but think about how impossible it’s going to be to pull off such an intense scene with someone you just fought with. Sighing, you lean over to fiddle with your hair; it’s slightly tangled now, and there’s a fake scrape on the side of your cheek.

At a side, Chaeyoung is similarly beat up, fake blood smeared on the left side of her face. Her long hair has been put in an updo and then taken down, and parts of her dress are ripped; to you, she looks more like Helen than herself now.

“Okay, everyone, are we ready? Positions, please!”

You arrange yourself on the ground where you should be, holding a handkerchief to your cheek like instructed as Chaeyoung stands by the camera to run to you. Exhaling sharply, your eyes meet hers for the first time in days. “Action!”

Chaeyoung sprints to you as soon as she’s cued, falling in front of you in a heap. “Luna,” she gasps, reaching a gloved hand out to the ‘injured’ half of your face.

“I’m fine,” you smile weakly. The camera hovers by Chaeyoung’s shoulder, and you soften your gaze as much as possible as your hand comes up to hers.

The other girl only moves closer, her eyes scanning yours and her dress surrounding the both of you like a sea of gauze. Her nose is almost brushing up against yours, and you mutter softly, “Be careful. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want.”

“Well, what do you want?” Chaeyoung implores, almost inaudible. Her breath quivers, and you feel it when you reach forward to cup her jaw. “Luna, what do you want right now?”

“I’m not making a move until you tell me to,” you shake your head.

The blonde’s hands slip off your face, and she braces herself on your thighs instead. She laughs breathily, “Coward.”

“Your coward, huh?”

Chaeyoung pauses, scraping her teeth across her bottom lip. It’s so quiet that you think you could hear a pin drop, and the torches held up by the crew flicker across her face so naturally. “If you want to be.”

There’s probably another line that comes after, but with Chaeyoung so close to you, it swims blurrily in your mind. So instead, you just lean up, pull her down, and connect your lips.

She plays along, thankfully, stumbling slightly in her character’s eagerness to get a little closer. The only thing you can hear is Chaeyoung’s slight gasp when you let your hands wander down to her waist, and it’s almost scary how absorbed you are in the scene.

“Okay, cut!” Seulgi’s shout breaks you from your trance, and you hold your hands up as if in surrounder. Chaeyoung’s cheeks are red yet again when she sits up, staring anywhere other than you.

Your director hops off her chair to run towards you, a huge grin on her face. “That was perfect,” she shouts. “Y/N, I think you forgot a line? But it worked out amazingly. The one-take wonder, right?”

You grin when she pats you on the shoulder, a little harder than necessary. Apparently, all your worries were for nothing, as you and Chaeyoung stand to monitor your own shot in the screen next to Joohyun.

You can’t even hear all the praise she showers on the two of you, and you pay no attention to all the details she points out that apparently showcase your perfect chemistry with your costar. All you feel is a slight squeeze on your hand, hidden in the mess of fabric by your side.

You jolt awake at the sound of your phone ringing loudly by your side, finding an unknown number as the caller ID. Accepting hesitantly, you greet, “Hello?”

“Y/N? Did Chan give me the right number?”

Oh. It’s Chaeyoung. “Yeah.” You clear your throat in an attempt to sound a little less drowsy, then repeat, “Right number. Why’d you ask Chan?”

“Well, it’s kinda hard to find you when you never accepted my request,” she laughs quietly. “Um, I have to record the OST today, and I was wondering whether you’d want to come watch? Chan said you didn’t really have any scenes later today.”

“Um. Okay. I’ll ask Chan to bring me,” you answer, then hang up. Your head swims slightly, partially due to the fact that you woke up to the piercing sound of your ringtone and partially because you just don’t understand why Chaeyoung’s reaching out again. You should be the one apologizing, after the tangent you went off on, and you highly doubt that your kiss scene doubled as an apology. Of course, you’ll take it.

Your manager is more than pleased to pick you up this time, but thankfully, he doesn’t question you. If he did, he’d probably be the one you shouted at.

The studio is honestly too small for two people, probably hastily set up, but you recognize the recording equipment from a video of Chaeyoung recording one of her group’s songs. And you recognize the girl already standing in the recording booth, waving you over. “Hi,” she smiles, and for all you try, you don’t see a hint of malice.

“Hey,” you mumble, taking a seat. “Uh… I’m sorry.”

“Wow, straightforward,” she tries to joke. “What for?”

You scratch the back of your neck, sighing, “For assuming, for blowing up on you, for… I don’t know, kind of everything. I’m an asshole, even if what I said wasn’t wrong.”

Chaeyoung chuckles, fiddling with the mic. “I mean, I appreciate the apology, but I wasn’t great either. You definitely had some truth behind what you said, even if it was kind of too to the point.”

“I know. You were just trying to apologize and help us become civil, and I kind of ruined it,” you hum. The other girl adjusts the lyric stand as you continue, “But I’m hoping you understand why I had to say what I did?”

“I do,” she agrees. “You’re definitely right that it’s not good representation at all, I just wish you had heard me out.”

You nod uncomfortably, changing the way you sit on the couch just to distract yourself. “So… you’re gay? I’m just asking because I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about it, and I’ve seen plenty of your interviews.”

“So you watch my interviews?” Chaeyoung teases. When you scowl, she just smiles, “I can’t say specifically, but I am confused. You said last time that it’s just another part of being an idol, and you’re… you’re right. It’s taboo for idols to be gay, even though Korea’s opening up to it a bit more now. So even though I want to, I don’t think I can ever be out about it.”

“I understand. And I’m sorry,” you say quietly.

She swallows, throat bobbing. “Thank you. Hey, Y/N… would you mind singing with me?”

“What?” You stare up at her incredulously; it’s not like your singing would make the other girl faint on the spot, but you definitely don’t possess an angelic voice like hers, either.

But maybe it’s an olive branch. “Just… can you match this note?” She hums, and you attempt to create the same pitch. “Okay. Can you do the chorus part in that key, while I do it in the main one? We’ll sound better like that,” Chaeyoung offers.

Against your better judgement, you stand, and shuffle into the recording booth next to her. “If this sounds bad, you’re taking the blame,” you warn, and she giggles while twisting the stand so you can see.

You do sound good together, maybe to a level that you would’ve never anticipated.

You know that something’s off when Chan doesn’t wake you up bright and early on your birthday, even if Seulgi already promised that you wouldn’t have to go to work on the day of. After spending many a birthday with him, you’ve already gotten used to him tugging you up just to take you outside and celebrate somehow.

You know something’s especially off when you hear a female voice cursing from your kitchen, and smell something burning.

“Who the shit-- Chaeyoung?”

The girl turns in surprise, caught red-handed with a piece of burnt toast pinched between her fingers. “Um. Hi?” she offers weakly.

Suddenly self-conscious, you cross your arms over the faded sweatshirt you wear. In your own apartment, Chaeyoung is leagues more put-together in the summery dress she wears, her dyed hair tossed in a braid and glitter shining at the corners of her eyes. “Hello?”

“Chan said you wouldn’t be awake for a few hours,” she sighs, shaking her head as she tosses the toast in the trash. “And I wasn’t supposed to burn the toast.”

“What were you supposed to do?” you question, stepping closer. There’s a cake box on the counter, as well as a couple suspicious tubes of icing right by it, and you think you know what’s going on.

Chaeyoung huffs out an exasperated breath. “I was supposed to surprise you. Chan has something going on at home, so he sent me to supervise your birthday instead. Obviously, I messed that up.”

“It’s fine,” you shrug, taking a seat at the counter and reaching for the icing. “I’ve always wanted to decorate a cake anyway.”

She looks surprised at that, but a smile breaks out across her face. “Really?”

“Really,” you confirm. It’s partially a lie, but you’re decently sure that Chaeyoung will refuse to let you do most of the work anyways. “Uh. I’ll just change first, and then we can get that going?”

“Yeah,” she grins, and you take it as your cue to scurry off to the bedroom.

By the time you come back, there’s a plate of not-burnt toast on your counter, and Chaeyoung’s pouring out two glasses of the juice that you can never bring yourself to buy because of the price tag. “I hope you like it, this is one of my favorites.”

“Like it? I love this,” you gasp, surging forward to pick up one of the glasses. “It’s expensive as hell, though.”

“Well, I couldn’t get you a gift, so I thought a nice morning would suffice,” Chaeyoung laughs. She unties the bow on the cake box to reveal a completely bare vanilla cake, a few packets of sprinkles that you hadn’t noticed now lying next to it. “Do you want to start?”

“Oh, sure.” You choose the blue icing after a bit of debating, and pick up the spatula that your costar offers you. “You didn’t have to, though, I would’ve been okay on my own today.”

Chaeyoung shrugs, “I mean, I didn’t have anything else to do, and I wouldn’t like to be alone on my birthday.”

“How do you usually celebrate?” you question, glancing up at her.

She pauses to think, then answers, “Well, I do live with my members, so we’ll get something to eat. Sometimes, we’re on vacation, so we just do what we can, but I like staying in the dorm to receive the things that their families send me.”

“It sounds sweet.”

“It is,” she grins. “I honestly don’t know what I would do on my own, it seems lonely-- Oh. I’m sorry.”

“What for? It is kind of lonely,” you admit, squeezing a glob of icing out. It’s definitely not as graceful as you would’ve appreciated, and you catch Chaeyoung stifling a laugh. “Chan lived with me at the beginning, but he eventually moved out when I got a girlfriend. Obviously, that didn’t laugh.”

“Sorry,” the other girl repeats again, and you wave a hand out. “When was that?”

“She moved out two years ago,” you answer. “And I’ve been alone since. Or, lonely, not always alone.”

Chaeyoung nods just so that you know she heard you. She accepts the icing tube when you hand it to her, making a spiral that’s infuriatingly better than yours. “How about you? I know you said you aren’t out, but have you dated yet?” you question.

She shakes her head, admitting, “Not yet. I don’t really know how to, you know? You assumed I was straight when you first saw me, so I think everyone else does too.”

“Sorry,” you say, an echo of her.

Your costar doesn’t respond, only setting the spatula down once the basic blue icing is smooth. “I think we’re supposed to refrigerate this before decorating, right?”

You grimace. “Well, I don’t know. I stopped watching cake videos years ago, so I’ll just listen to you.”

Chaeyoung hums and ties the box back up. “Okay, then I’ll just do it. Um, do you mind ordering chicken or something while we wait?”

“Sure.” Reaching for your phone, you ask, “Would you be opposed to romcoms?”

“I’m never opposed to romcoms,” the other girl answers.

You have to remind yourself to order two servings of chicken, something that you haven’t done in a while. But it’s comforting, in a way, to not be alone again.

“Can you believe we’ve only got a week left of filming? I feel like I haven’t seen you at all.”

You wince guiltily, even though you know that Yerim doesn’t mean it. Acting with your friend was originally a huge incentive for you to accept the film’s role, but the two of you quickly discovered that you had almost no scenes together, and with your push-and-pull with Chaeyoung, you forgot all about it. “Sorry, Yerim.”

She makes an incredulous expression, swatting your arm. “Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. I’m happy you’re pursuing love and all that, and besides, we’ll have plenty of opportunities to act together.”

Blinking, you set your cup down on the counter. “Pursuing love?”

Yerim raises her eyebrow and says, “Yeah. Aren’t you and Chaeyoung together yet? We’ve been filming for two months, I’ll be shocked if you still haven't kissed and made up.”

“Uh. Well, we’ve kissed, but I don’t think it counted,” you frown.

Your friend sighs and rolls her eyes. She’s all too used to how dense you are, and apparently, she’s finally gotten tired of it. “You’re an idiot. You literally met the morning of your first script reading, and you knew each other for… what, a week before you had your kiss scene? There’s got to be something there.”

“No.”

Right on cue, a few of the other cast members arrive, Chaeyoung sandwiched between them. “Have you seen the articles?” Nayeon grins, waving her phone around in the air. She’s drunk, obviously, but you have to indulge her.

“Which articles?”

She shoves the screen in your face as an answer, and you cringe when you find a screencap of you and Chaeyoung. “You won’t believe the chemistry-- nope, I’m not reading that.” You hand the phone back to Nayeon, then press it in her hand when she doesn’t take it. Yerim sends you a knowing expression, one that you definitely don’t like.

“Aw, come on! It’s good press,” Nayeon whines. “And a great kiss scene.”

“Don’t be weird,” Chaeyoung warns. She doesn’t seem to be drunk at all, though she does look fantastic in the silver dress that she wears. Your eyes linger on her for an embarrassing amount of time.

Nayeon pouts. She’s bubbly-- you’ve learned that much through acting alongside her in a total of three productions so far. You note that your costar doesn’t seem to be so accustomed to her temperament yet. “You’re no fun, Chaeng. We all know you enjoyed it.”

She goes bright pink at that amidst Yerim’s joking coos. “The token straight, converted?” your friend gasps, and you elbow her to stop her from going too far.

Apparently, it already has. “I didn’t!” Chaeyoung defends herself.

“Prove it,” Nayeon demands, slipping when she attempts to lean on the counter next to you.

Chaeyoung goes silent at that, apparently unable to find a way to ‘prove it’. You finally sigh, “Okay, I think that’s enough teas--”

If it wasn’t for the fact that you’ve long since memorized your entire script book, you would almost think that Chaeyoung reaching forward to tug on the front of your shirt is a scene between your two characters. After all, it’s perfectly in character for your eyes to widen comically as the other girl kisses you right on the lips.

It’s also in character for Nayeon to start whooping next to you when your hands wrap around Chaeyoung’s waist to pull her in closer. You part at the noise. “You certainly look like you liked it,” Nayeon grins.

“Yeah, get a room,” Yerim follows, and you shove her.

“You know what? Maybe we will.” Ignoring your friends’ jeering, you grab Chaeyoung’s wrist and lead her down the hallway, though not to a bedroom like you joked you would. “Hey. You okay? I didn’t know if that teasing crossed a line,” you whisper worriedly.

She bites down on her lip, but instead of answering you, Chaeyoung tilts your face up and leans closer, only stopped by your hand on her wrist. “Chae…”

“I’m sorry, this… this isn’t what you want, is it?” She steps back, mouth already opening to apologize, but you stop her from leaving you alone in the hallway.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” With the flashing neon lights echoing in her eyes, you can’t tell what Chaeyoung’s feeling, and you can’t tell if she’s willing to answer you properly at all. “I’m not making a move until you tell me to.”

Still, you don’t hear her say a word, until your grip starts to loosen on her wrist. “Did you drive here yourself?” she finally asks, barely audible. You nod hesitantly, and Chaeyoung’s voice grows firmer when she says, “I’m telling you to make a move.”

“I thought you were questioning?”

She swallows hard and takes your hand. “Not anymore.”

You don’t taste any alcohol when you lick your lower lip, and so, you nod. It’s stupid, especially considering how quickly your time together is about to end.

But for once, you know what you want.

“Good luck out there, Chae,” you smile, arms wrapped around the girl’s waist.

“Thanks,” she hums, adjusting her hair yet again in the mirror. “We’re almost done filming, I have to promote us well so that we have enough money to at least put the damn film out.”

“Mm.” Your thumb smooths over the sliver of skin exposed by her top, and you place your chin on her shoulder to look at the two of you together.

She glances down at you. “What? Are you thinking about something?”

“Sort of,” you shrug. “I just can’t believe we’re almost done, but we… we just started this. You know, this thing between us.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely a thing. But it doesn’t have to stop with filming,” Chaeyoung says offhandedly.

Raising an eyebrow, you question, “Doesn’t it? It’s going to be suspicious for us to constantly be seen together after filming together, I’ve seen the way your fans behave. Especially while you’re not out.”

“I think I can negotiate that with my company,” the other girl shakes her head.

You joke, “What, you release another two albums if you get to come out about having a girlfriend?”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Chaeyoung responds immediately. Her ears pink endearingly, and you wait for her to clarify, “In secret for now, obviously. But… one day, I’ll be out about it. I promise.”

“Don’t make empty promises, okay?” You press a kiss to her bare shoulder and let her go when you hear a knock at the dressing room door. “Do good!”

“Alright, Chaeyoung, it’s about time that we ask you some questions about your upcoming film, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” your costar smiles, and you raise your head from your phone to watch the screen. She’s sitting cross-legged across from some of the most famous idol interviewers in Korea, absolutely poised and natural even in front of the crowd that cheers over the interview.

The woman behind the podium clears her throat. “A huge talking point in Korea right now is your chemistry with your costar, Y/N. How exactly do you pull that off, since you’ve never experienced a relation like that?”

Chaeyoung laughs nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Oh. Well, um, I don’t have much experience with relationships at all, so--”

“Really? A pretty girl like you must have had a boyfriend or two before.” You despise the way that the interviewer leans in conspiratorially, as if the prying questions weren’t completely scripted. “But you seem a little to pretty to have experienced that, am I right?”

The crowd laughs with her, but Chaeyoung glances behind the scenes, probably to where her own staff sits. “You know, you can tell me if you ever felt… uncomfortable during filming,” the interviewer continues on. “Y/N has been out for years, hasn’t she?”

“Oh, she has…” You’re practically fuming, but you also can’t seem to pry your eyes away from the screen. All of Chaeyoung’s practiced idol-charm has seemed to dissipate into thin air, and she’s practically blending into the wall as she sits there.

The Chaeyoung you know-- no, the Chaeyoung that you’ve come to know, wouldn’t stand to hear something like that. You’ve watched her argue with a scriptwriter, and you’ve watched him get fired because he said something incredibly offensive, even though it wasn’t about you. But here, she sits still and just listens to the interviewer discuss you behind your back, and she says nothing about all the disgustingly backhanded comments.

The thing is, you don’t care about Chaeyoung not being out. You were closeted for enough time yourself, and you know how hard it is, so you’d never wish it on her; but watching her completely let go of all her personal principles just for a stupid interview is just another reminder that you’re letting go of your own. Chaeyoung won’t ever speak up, you realize, because her career comes before anything else. And you can’t stand for that.

“I’m leaving,” you tell the guard standing outside of your door. Only increasing your anger, tears start to burn in your eyes, and you scrape your sleeve across your face as roughly as you can. Chan picks up on one dial, and you say furiously, “Pick me up. It’s over.” In more ways than one.

Chaeyoung shivers at the top of the hill, where she’s supposed to be filming her closing scene with you. She hasn’t seen you for the past week, and after how disastrous her interview was, she’s pretty sure she knows why.

“Where’s Y/N?” she finally asks her makeup artist, giving in to her own curiosity.

Felix shrugs, reaching to mess with the blood on her hairline. “I have no idea, honestly, I haven’t seen her yet. She’s never late, though, you don’t have to worry. You’ll get your scene done.”

“That’s…” Chaeyoung sighs. That’s why she should be worried. “Right.”

“Okay, can we start?” Seulgi shouts. It’s started to rain, but with the excited look on the director’s face, Chaeyoung figures that it suits the scene even better than the gray clouds that had been planned. “Great. Chaeyoung, Y/N!”

Your hair is plastered to your forehead with the rain, and water makes your blouse cling to your curves; with the grim expression on your face, Chaeyoung could easily just mistake you for your character. “Hi,” you mutter, taking a seat on the grass right next to your costar. You say nothing else.

When cued, Chaeyoung takes a deep breath before her line. “Luna. I love you.”

For a second, Chaeyoung thinks you won’t respond, but the rasp to your voice proves her wrong. “No. No, you don’t.”

“I think I’m the one who should be deciding that, don’t you?” The blonde raises her eyebrows, reaching forward hesitantly for your shoulder.

Of course, you dodge it. Blinking the rain out of your eyes, you’re resigned when you ask, “You have your birthday gala tonight, don’t you?”

“Yes, but--” Chaeyoung swallows, lets her hand make contact, then continues, “I’m spending as much time as I can with you, aren’t I with you right now?”

“But you’re going.” It feels like you’re staring right into Chaeyoung’s soul when you speak, as despondent as your voice is. She nods, and you stand, her hand slipping off of your shoulder and into her lap. “Then go. You’re still a princess at the end of the day, aren’t you?”

“At the end of the day, yes…”

“You can’t do that. You sneak out onto my ships, get my people to love you and protect you, and then turn right back to your family to stay safe while we die for you. You can’t say you support our cause and then go back on it when it’s inconvenient for you, it doesn’t work like that!” Chaeyoung flinches at how intense you sound; at this point, she barely knows if it’s still acting. She can only hear her own heart in her ears, can only see your chest heaving from how quickly you spoke, and it all feels too real.

“What, do you want me to get found out?” Chaeyoung demands, getting to her feet as well. The rain becomes harsher, angled so that it perfectly blurs her vision of you. “I’ve saved your ass just as many times too, don’t pretend like I’m not a valuable part of your ship!”

“You’re still pretending.” Realizing that it’s not the right line, Chaeyoung opens her mouth to stop you, but your voice chills her into silence when you speak again. “You’ll always pretend, as long as it benefits you, won’t you? You can’t do that, Helen, not if you ‘love me’. Putting a crown on your head doesn’t mean that you’re a princess. Until you realize that, and until you’re willing to embrace it, you don’t love me. and I don’t love you.”

None of it is the script. None of it is the scene that you rehearsed a thousand times together in your trailer, but somehow, it makes Chaeyoung’s heart quaver in her throat so much more than the original lines ever did.

And when you drop your gaze to the ground, turning to walk off into the rain alone, she knows that to you, your entire relationship is already done.

#blackpink #blackpink x reader #rosé x reader #rosé imagines #rosé scenarios #blackpink imagines #blackpink scenarios #blackpink reactions #blackpink rosé #blackpink chaeyoung #park chaeyoung #park chaeyoung x reader #park chaeyoung imagines #blackpink is the revolution #blackpink in your area #girl group imagines #girl group scenarios

469 notes · View notes

merakiui · 3 years

Note

Okay okay okay I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now here’s my list of genshin boys most likely to least likely to become a yandere and why:

-xiao. Millennia of suffering and he meets somebody who makes the pain dissipate? Hell never let go.

-diluc. People have died in his arms, he can’t risk losing another loved one... it’s not like he doesn’t have the wealth and resources to keep his beloved by his side.

-Childe. I think he’d be the most dehumanizing yandere - he treats you almost like a child (haha) as be manipulates his way into your heart. And god knows that he gets what he wants.

-albedo is obviously in the top half of this list. We’ve talked about his yandere tendacies before so I won’t relist them but jeez get this boy some therapy.

-razor. Now this sounds surprising but after years of protecting his Lupical, do you really think he’d let somebody he loves and sees as helpless wander alone? I feel hes less captor and manipulative and more of a stalker if he becomes a yandere

-venti. Freedom is his entire world, but can he let his beloved have freedom if it endangers them? One of the most manipulative ones on this list, except he has no clue that he’s doing it.

-kaeya. Maybe you’d gotten to close to one of his secrets. Maybe you’d figured out something he wanted to die. It doesn’t matter much now, all you know is that you were tried and declared guilty by the knights of favonius and were sent into a dungeon protected by the Calvery captain himself.

-zhongli. Has the yandere desires, but refuses to give in. He’s loved and lost so many times over the years and he figures he doesn’t want to take that away from his beloved.

-chongyun. I’ve gone back and forth between him and xingqiu for this one, but I feel like these last 3 are all pretty much tied for not being a yandere. However, if he met someone who could somehow null his congenital positivity than he might move up on this list...

-Xingqiu. He has a strong sense of justice and honor, the idea of manipulating, stalking or god forbid kidnapping his S/O is appalling to him.

-Bennett. Literally just tryna vibe. Devotes as much time as he can to make sure any relationship he has is healthy.

So basically:

Everybody on this list: *frothing at the mouth, thinking of ways to keep their S/Os with them*

Bennett, Chongyun, Xingqiu and to some extent Zhongli: what the fuck

Your list... Simply amazing. Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m beginning to wonder where other characters would sit on the list. Mainly Scaramouche though aha oops Anyways, please never stop sharing your thoughts!! They are so GOOD!

Xiao’s backstory and past is just perfect material to fuel his yandere desires. He’s suffered for so long and has never really experienced positive emotions, let alone love itself. The poor adeptus is always brooding on his own and here comes his darling, bright and happy and just...perfect. They’re like a glimmering star in his murky darkness and he wants to treasure them. There’s no way he’s going to let go of the feeling he gets when he’s with them, nor is he going to let them leave his side.

It makes sense that Diluc would also be at the top of that list. He’s got the making of a yandere, especially considering all of the people he’s lost in his life. Now that he’s found someone so important to him, he can’t risk losing them. It would destroy him if he found out that his darling got hurt or was even killed because he wasn’t taking enough precautions to keep them safe. He’d definitely blame himself if something like that happened.

Childe, pspspspsp!!! The power this man holds... Omg he makes for such a terrifying yandere. On the outside, he seems warm and disarming—just your normal, happy-go-lucky kind of guy. He’s not dangerous at all! No way. But under all of that falsified charm is someone who knows how to pull strings. He’s a Fatui Harbinger, so of course he has the means of getting you wrapped around his finger. It’s not all that hard when he’s got money, power, and strength. Plus, when he wants something he’s not going to stop until he acquires it; Childe lives for the thrill of chasing after you and it’ll be even more fun once he catches you. Someone should send me more thoughts about yan!Childe!!! orz orz

Albedo also qualifies as a neat yandere! Something about yanderes who are into science is just...fascinating to me. It’s also cool because Albedo’s rumored to be a homunculus, so that adds to the intrigue! Albedo has the resources to get what he wants as well. It won’t be all that difficult, and if it proves to be challenging he can just think of other solutions to pacify his darling. He is a researcher, after all, and a good researcher seeks to find the best solution to a problem.

Razor would be a feral yandere. He’s more action than words. He doesn’t put much thought into what he does because it feels more like an instinct to him. He’s just protecting his Lupical. There’s nothing wrong with that! So why are you acting so difficult? D:

Like you said, Venti’s not aware of his manipulation and he just does it because it works. His belief that everyone deserves freedom is probably what really holds him back. He doesn’t want you to feel caged, but that feeling is practically inevitable since he’s always hounding you. Venti is a very suffocating yandere and he doesn’t even realize it.

KAEYA! KAEYA! I love the idea of Kaeya having some sort of blackmail on you—something so bad that you absolutely can’t let the world see. And so he uses that to keep you quiet. If you did stumble upon one of his secrets, he can’t possibly have you running that pretty mouth of yours. But if you do end up spilling his secret, it’s only fair that he shares yours, right? An eye for an eye, as some would say. Kaeya’s very smooth and calculative when it comes to handling blackmail. Whenever it feels like you’re trying to one-up him and possibly escape, he’ll flirtatiously remind you of the power he holds over you. Blackmail is rather compelling, is it not?

Zhongli does have the motive to be a yandere, as you pointed out, but he’s a strange case. On one hand, it makes sense that he’d want to protect his beloved at all costs, but on the other he’d probably be aware of these unhealthy tendencies. Although he probably uses the idea of a contract to keep your relationship going, even if it’s clear you don’t want anything to do with him. But if you do, that just makes it easier on him!

NO BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE SAME FOR CHONGYUN!!! Not the yan!Chongyun piece rotting in my drafts for a month or two now ehehee I had some thoughts about Chongyun but never bothered posting it for some reason. Anyways, I do think Chongyun has potential to be a yandere! As you mentioned, his congenital positivity can become an issue and he doesn’t want that to seriously affect his daily life. So he’s probably very pleased to find someone who can nullify that positivity. It’d be similar to Xiao’s case; Xiao likes someone who can be the light in his dark world. Chongyun falls for the person who can null his congenital positivity and is someone who he gets along with.

The only way I can see Xingqiu being a yandere is if he wants a noble, storybook romance. Okay, that sounds strange, but consider it! He’s a huge bookworm who probably doesn’t exactly experience romance aside from what he reads in his novels. Although he doesn’t dabble in the romance genre all that often, he does like the idea of being a hero and sweeping someone off of their feet. So when he meets you—another fellow bookworm or maybe the two of you are thrown into an arranged marriage—he just feels an undeniable connection. This must be some form of fate or a sixth sense. Maybe he can be the main character of his own story! You’ll just have to cooperate and you can be the valiant knight’s love interest!

Bennett’s vibes are so nice. How could he be a yandere? He’s just too sweet and pure. He’s really just here to chill and gather an adventuring team full of great friends! But if anyone has any thoughts...please share them!

That’s it. I’m writing about Scaramouche even though he’s not on the list. Please, why do I simp so much for him? Anyways, we don’t know nearly enough about Scaramouche to determine his backstory or past. But he just oozes yandere! Most of the Harbingers are probably the same, to some extent. He’s like Childe with all of the power and resources, but whereas Childe relishes in the chase Scaramouche refuses to put up with it. It’s just way too inconvenient for him. He’d rather catch you when you least expect it and then keep you for himself.

Gosh, he’s a very determined and possessive yandere with a strict agenda; this man probably cheats in order to get you. He’ll send his underlings to do the work in his place. They’ll stalk you and report back to him and it isn’t long before he learns of your friends, certain family members you’re close to, and even where you live. It’s terrifying, but this is Scaramouche we’re talking about. For someone so short, he sure knows how to intimidate and beat fear into those below him. Good luck to the poor soul who catches his eye.

I must thank you for making that list! It was lots of fun to consider their mindsets and behaviors as yandere. :D

#chit chat #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere xiao #yandere diluc #yandere childe #yandere albedo #yandere razor #yandere venti #yandere kaeya #yandere zhongli #yandere chongyun #yandere xingqiu #genshin impact bennett #yandere scaramouche #yandere x reader #this was so fun to write about #xenia-cenia #your brain is galaxy level

1K notes · View notes