just finished "In stars and time" :D !!

the final verdict is:

May I request a songfic for Wicked Game for Childe x reader? Like, he's in love with the reader but he keeps pushing them away because he feels like it makes him weak etc. Can have a sad or happy ending, whichever you prefer! ❤️

I'm so, so sorry for the long wait, dear! But I couldn't decide where I wanted to go with this, so I kept working on other requests but it's finally done. I really hope you're still interested in this and like what I came up with. I decided to write a more happy ending because I wasn't in the mood for making it angsty, hope you don't mind that. Anyway, have fun reading and take care! <3

Btw, I listened to this version of the song while I was working on this.

Wicked Game – Tartaglia/Childe x gn!reader

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you It's strange what desire will make foolish people do I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

The day he had met you was one he would never forget. With nothing more than a single glance and a soft smile you somehow had flipped his whole world upside down, a world he had carefully constructed around himself when he became the Eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers. It was almost funny, really. No one had ever managed to throw him for a loop, not even the strongest enemies he had to face on the battlefield – until he had stumbled upon you on that fateful day in Liyue Harbor. Suddenly, nothing he knew before seemed to make sense anymore. And after a few seconds of staring at you, he realized that he was irretrievably lost.

Lost in the way you smiled at him and the other customers that came to the small tea shop you worked at. Lost in the way your pretty eyes gleamed in the pale light of the moon when he saw you after dark. Lost in the warmth and comfort he always felt when you were around.

And as the time progressed and weeks and months went by, Tartaglia understood that it was more than just a crush. He was so in love with you that it almost hurt him physically.

And yet, he knew that he couldn’t allow himself to feel like that. For someone like him, it was dangerous to care about someone, not only because his enemies would never miss an opportunity to hurt him by hurting the ones he loved but also because feelings like these were nothing more than a distraction, a hindrance that kept him from completely focusing on his missions. Tartaglia couldn’t afford messing up, not when he didn’t want to disappoint the Tsaritsa. After all, he had sworn an oath, an oath to always put her and her interests first, and he couldn’t do that when someone – when you were all he could think of. You were the first person who crossed his mind as soon as he woke up and the last one he saw before drifting off to sleep in the evening. It was wonderful and terrible at the same time, and yet, there was nothing he could do to stop himself from falling deeper in love with you.

It would be smart to avoid you, hoping that these feelings would disappear someday but still, he found himself visiting the little tea shop you worked at every day. It was embarrassing, really, given the fact that he knew absolutely nothing about tea but instead of listening to you as you explained the tea varieties and different ways of preparation, he kept staring at you, taking in your beauty and indulging in the warm, fuzzy feeling that always welled up inside him when the two of you crossed paths.

And the fact that you seemed to like him too didn’t make things easier. It was so hard to pretend that he didn’t care for you, to push you away over and over again, but for the sake of your safety – and to protect his stupid, foolish heart from shattering into a million pieces – he needed to keep you at distance. He needed to be strong, not only for his homeland but also for you – he needed to protect you from himself and from the things he did in the past and would do in the future.

Even if it meant that he would end up alone again.

Even if it meant that he had to break your heart.

No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) With you With you

Tartaglia had started avoiding you one and a half weeks ago, not visiting the tea shop once and heading into the opposite direction as soon as he saw you on the streets, and still his heart started to beat faster when he thought about you or heard someone mention your name. He hated to act like this; he hated to hurt your feelings but what else could he do? You’d be better off without him, as well as he’d be better off without these distracting feelings.

At least, that was what he tried to tell himself.

And it worked surprisingly well – until he bumped into you on your way to work that morning. He hadn’t noticed you at first, or else he would’ve chosen another way to get to Northland Bank, but now it was too late to turn around and leave.

“I’m sorry,” he said, carefully avoiding your gaze as he helped you picking up your belongings that you had dropped. “I didn’t see you.”

Your lips curled into a soft smile. “It’s no big deal,” you replied. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you at the shop for a while.”

“Oh, about that…” He didn’t finish his sentence. It had been foolish to believe that you wouldn’t notice it. One time, you had even called out his name when you saw him near the shop, only to see him fobbing you off with a brief wave of his hand before turning around and leaving without giving you another glance. “Well…”

“You’re probably bored by my rambling about tea, huh?” you guessed, still smiling at him like you were really glad to see him again. “Don’t worry, I’m not offended if you are.”

“No, that’s not – that’s not the case.”

Your eyes were twinkling in amusement, and before he could look away again, he suddenly found himself staring into your eyes, his stupid heart skipping a beat as your smile grew wider. “That’s good to know,” you said softly. “But I was thinking… maybe we could meet up later, I mean, when – when the shop’s closed. You know, like-“

“Like a date,” he finished your sentence, his mouth suddenly so dry that he barely managed to get the words out. No, no, no, this couldn’t be true. How was he supposed to reject you when you asked him for a date, looking at him with his hopeful expression in your eyes? Just how?

“If you don’t want to that’s fine, too,” you mumbled, your cheeks heating up in embarrassment. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

Tartaglia chuckled. “If I don’t want to?” he repeated and shook his head in disbelief. “Oh, (Y/N), I’d love to go out with you.” The words were out before he could stop himself. He knew that it wasn’t right, that he should take it back right now but as soon as he saw the genuine happiness in your eyes, he knew that there was no way back. And, if he was completely honest for a second, he didn’t want that anyways.

“I’ll pick you up at your house at – um, let’s say, tomorrow at 8?”

“Perfect.”

What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you

He didn’t show up.

Once again, you darted a nervous glance at the clock above the table, probably for the millionth time today. It was already half past 9 and Tartaglia was nowhere to be seen. An hour ago, you had tried to calm yourself down by telling yourself that he would be here any second now, that he was held up by someone or something but now, it was hard to think positive.

With a quiet sigh, you plunked yourself down on the couch. Tartaglia had stood you up, and it was stupid to deceive yourself by trying to tell you otherwise. He obviously had no interest in going out with you, it was easy as that. Perhaps he had only agreed in the first place because he didn’t know how to tell you No, or maybe he had fun going around and making others feel absolutely miserable.

You didn’t know, and you didn’t care.

No, that was actually a lie. You cared. You wanted to know what was wrong, why he wasn’t here with you right now and why he had started to act like you weren’t even friends anymore about two weeks ago. Overnight, he had changed his behavior completely, starting with not visiting the tea shop anymore through to blatantly ignoring you whenever your paths crossed. But no matter how hard you tried to make sense of it, you simply didn’t understand it.

And the fact that he invited you on a date, only to stand you up, confused you even more. His behavior made no sense at all, whichever way you looked at it.

You sighed again. In the beginning, your relationship had been so easy. You never had any trouble understanding him and you had always assumed that he liked to spend time with you. Heck, for a while you had even thought that he returned the feelings you had for him.

But apparently, he didn’t.

You buried your face in your hands, trying to fight back the tears that were welling up in your eyes. What kind of game was he playing? Did he even realize how much his behavior hurt you?

And I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) With you

“You! Stop right there!”

Tartaglia froze as he heard your angry voice. For a brief moment, he considered acting like he hadn’t heard you and just walk on by but deep down, he knew that he owed you an apology and an explanation why he hadn’t shown up to your date almost one week ago. The truth was that he really had wanted to go out with you – but at the same time, he had seen the opportunity to make you hate him by standing you up which would hopefully help him to get over you.

So much for that, he thought to himself as he slowly turned around to you. You were staring at him, your eyes filled with pent-up anger. “I was convinced you’d ignore me again,” you said, arms akimbo. “But it seems you’ve finally gathered the courage to talk to me after you skipped out on me last week.”

“Yeah, about that-“

“Stop,” you interrupted him. “I don’t want to hear your half-assed apologies. I just want you to listen to what I have to say.”

He pressed his lips together and nodded. In all this time he had never seen you so angry and it was obvious that you were about to release a tirade but he knew very well that he deserved it. He deserved that you didn’t even give him the change to explain himself.

You huffed at the contrite expression on his face. “I’m not going to fall for that,” you warned him. “So don’t even try.”

Tartaglia nodded again, still not saying anything, just as you had told him.

“Great. Listen, I really don’t want to steal your precious time,” you replied in an undertone of utter sarcasm, “I just want to understand what’s going on. We’re friends, aren’t we? Damn, my silly self even thought that we could be more than that for a second but that’s not – that’s not the point now. I only want to know why you treat me like I am not in the least important to you all of a sudden.”

When he didn’t reply anything, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Hello? Haven’t you got a tongue in your head?”

“I don’t know what you want to hear, (Y/N).”

“The truth, Tartaglia,” you stated simply. “I don’t need any apologies or justifications. Just the truth.”

Tartaglia shook his head. There was no way he could tell you the truth because then, he’d have to explain why he was so afraid of falling love, why he was so afraid of being weak. This was none of your business; it was his burden, not yours. You shouldn’t even worry about things like that; you should be in your shop, happily smiling at customers instead of wasting your time with someone like him.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you said when the silence between the two of you became unbearable, your voice shaking ever so slightly. “If you don’t want to be with me, just tell me. I can take it. But stop acting like you care, only to ignore me the day after! Stop pushing me around like that.”

Tartaglia was painfully aware of the fact that you were on the verge of tears. Everything about your posture told him that you were about to lose your composure, and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to say something. He knew that he had treated you like garbage, that he had hurt your feelings over and over again but what was he supposed to do now? There was nothing he could do, nothing he could say to turn back time and wipe the slate clean.

“I’m sorry,” he finally whispered, completely helpless, while you stood there with hanging shoulders as tears started to stream down your beautiful face. “I’m so sorry.”

“I should’ve known better,” you sobbed. “I should’ve known better than to fall in love with someone like you!”

In that moment, he felt his protective instinct kick in. It didn’t matter that he had promised himself to stay away from you or that he was the reason for your tears. All he wanted now was to comfort you, to reassure you that everything would be fine again.

In an instant, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to his body, his hands gently caressing your back as you buried your face in his chest. “Don’t cry,” he mumbled, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “Please, darling, don’t cry.”

He held you close, uttering apology after apology and patiently waiting for you to calm down. When you finally pulled away, your eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. Your lower lip was trembling, almost as if you were trying to fight back even more tears. “I hate you.”

“I know,” Tartaglia replied softly and reached out to brush a strand of hair from your forehead. “I deserve that.”

“I don’t really hate you,” you whispered.

“I know,” he repeated and cupped your face with both hands, gently wiping away the tears on your cheeks before he leaned in and brushed his lips against yours in a soft, almost chaste kiss. It didn’t last long, and yet it was enough to make him realize that being in love with you didn’t make him weak. It made him strong.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.

High School Reunions (Heidi Volturi x Reader)

You groaned again. You dreaded this day even the very first moment you were officially no longer in high school. High school reunions weren't fun, nor completely friendly from what you knew. You'd be surrounded by your year group who had gone off to do major and minuscule things and the many things that sat in between. Maybe there would be doctors and lawyers but there'd also be those who would be considered failing at life. That category had no discrimination. Married? Kids? Stable job? Salary? Vacations? How many cars? The thousands upon thousands of contacts people would promise to get in touch with to help an old friend when in reality they'd do no such thing and instead leech off of the gossip and ego boost. It was a competition, who did life better? You wanted no part in it but you couldn't just simply not go. That would be so much worse. The gossip would thrive! However, you had nothing to 'show off', nothing in your eyes anyway. Nothing is ever enough in this game and you were content with what you had. However, that didn't mean you weren't affected by judgement. 

Emmett nudged you. "Cheer up lil' human." He teased. "It won't be as bad as you think!" "It'll be worse." You grumbled into your hands. "At least you don't have to re-live highschool." Emmett grinned. You jumped slightly hearing Heidi's heels clicking behind you. You had forgotten the Volturi were visiting the Cullen's for a full ten minutes after receiving the invite to the reunion. "What's wrong?" Heidi smiled brightly. "(Y/N) has a high school reunion to go to." Emmett grinned at you. Heidi hummed, intrigued. "What's that exactly?" She twirled a lick of curled hair between her fingers, head tilting slightly. "Hell." You sighed. "I meet up with my year group for a reunion. The idea is innocent, but in actuality it's a sea of adults flaunting their successes like it's a competition." Heidi hummed. "What's so bad about that?" "It's condescending! I'll be around people with high paid jobs, massive houses and many cars and married with hundreds of kids!" You paused. "So maybe not hundreds of kids but you know what I mean." "I do, but you can flaunt too. That's the fun in it." Heidi leaned over the counter slightly in front of you as though you had her full attention. Her red eyes boring into yours.  "I don't flaunt. I don't have anything to flaunt. I'm not married, I don't have kids and I don't have an amazing mansion or a fancy car or any of that stuff. I'm just me and that wasn't enough in high school." You sighed. "I had a tough time in school, other kids weren't...friendly toward me." Heidi narrowed her eyes slightly, quiet for a moment. "When is it?" "Three days away." "I'll go with you. Tell them we're engaged or that we're married. Flaunt me all you like. In return, I get to feed on one of them- my choice." 

Heidi was very attractive, it was her gift. Humans nor vampires could resist her. You were no exception but your guilt set in quickly. "I couldn't do that. You're not an object-" "I'm not asking, sweetie. It'll be fun! I get to feed and enjoy a little revenge and you get to be on the winning team. It's a win-win." That's how it began and she kept true to her word. 

Your jaw hit the floor. Heidi was gorgeous. You weren't surprised when she had chosen a red dress. Her curled hair perfectly framing her face and her make-up was perfect. More notably, she wore a very expensive looking ring on her ring finger. That must have been the 'engagement ring' . "Ready to knock 'em dead?" Heidi smirked seductively. Your heart was racing and you weren't entirely sure of your response. No words coming to mind. "Well one of them more literally." She winked, looping her arm in yours. 

The punches rolled in immediately. You barely arrived and were immediately greeted by Hayley. She was the head cheerleader and was a nice person, soft spoken but her company were vicious. So much so that many didn't speak to her just so they wouldn't have to endure her group of friends. "Hi! (Y/N), yeah?" You nodded. "Yeah." "Oh you look great! It's so good to see you!" You chuckled nervously before attempting to divert the attention from yourself. "Hayley, this is Heidi. She's my-" You stumbled, bit entirely certain of what to call her. Luckily Heidi didn't skip a beat, leaning into your side. "I'm their fiancee. It's so nice to meet you." Hayley looked taken aback. There was a brief second she looked enamored my Heidi before shaking herself out of her daze. "You look lovely tonight! Congratulations on your engagement. That's very exciting!" "It is!" Heidi mirrored Hayley's pleasant and polite smile, although Heidi seemed more enthusiastic. Heidi raised her hand, showing the ring. "I'm very lucky to have gotten such a great catch." You stifled a laugh at the dark humour, her job was considered 'fishing' after all. Hayley seemed to look you over slightly, before her eyes moving back to Heidi. Hayley seemed to be judging that statement for herself. "It's beautiful! I'm afraid I must be going, so many people to see! I'll be sure to catch you soon!" You looked at Heidi who turned to look back at you. "I'm very good at this game." She smirked. "She doesn't think I'm good enough for you. I've seen that look a million times." Heidi scoffed. "I bet she thinks a lot of things. I do too but there is a distinct difference between people like me and her." "What's that?" You asked. "I have the guts to say them." Heidi twirled a lock of hair as her eyes travelled around the room. You eyed a few familiar faces around the room. "Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe we should go." "No, we had a deal. Besides, I've got your back. You don't need to worry. We're going to show them how wrong they are about you." "Promise me you have my back." You said quickly as you locked eyes with someone who made their way towards you. "Promise." 

"(Y/N) (L/N), I cannot believe it!" The blonde slightly overweight man grinned, pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose, a darker haired and scrawny man followed behind him closely. The blonde was your old classmate Tommy. You remembered how lovely he was and that he was the theatre kid. He lived and breathed theatres and knew just about every single musical every written. "This is my husband Theodore!" Tommy gestured to the dark haired man who offered a small smile, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I knew it was you! I told him! I told you Theo!" You smiled at Tommy. He seemed genuinely glad to see you. Then again, Tommy was always a good guy. "This is my fiancee, Heidi." You felt a little guilt about lying to Tommy but this was how it has to be. You couldn't go back now. Heidi greeted the couple. "Tell me everything!" Tommy said in delight. "I want to know everything I've missed!" You told him of your job and the real details of your life. Heidi was quick, creating the story of how you both first met and how Heidi fell for you immediately. After a couple of years you proposed. She gave such a convincing story that even you forgot she was talking about you and that you hadn't done anything of these things. 

You weren't sure if Tommy and Heidi got on well naturally of if Heidi was just playing along. "Well, in the summer time we hope to finally bring our little girl home permanently. We're finalising the papers." Tommy grinned and even Theodore cracked a smile. "You're adopting? That's amazing, Tommy. Congrats." "I know, I always wanted a daughter! What about you two? Any kids?" "Actually-" Heidi wrapped her arms over your shoulders. "None yet but I'm sure there will be one or two not long after the wedding." Heidi went even further planting a kiss to the corner of your mouth. 

 Heidi's eyes shifted to a woman before nudging you. "Who is that over there?" "Oh... That is Jessica. Why?" "Because I'm trying to listen to everyone's boring lives and all I can hear is her shrill voice shrieking about her golden child who can do no wrong." "Oh...well it looks like she's coming this way." Heidi exhaled slowly, you could tell Jessica aggravated her. "Hello there!" Jessica sang. "My, how you've changed!" Her eyes moved up and down your body making you hold back a shiver.  You remembered Jessica to be a snob, much like her parents. You tried to avoid her as much as possible during school. She always wanted to flaunt and that got annoying after ten minutes. "Tommy tells me there is possible little ones in your future! Good for you! And congratulations on your engagement!" Of course Tommy told her. Anyone would give up any information to divert her attention from them and onto someone else. "Yes, perhaps after the wedding." Heidi said sweetly, sickeningly sweet. It had to be intentional but you couldn't tell her that Jessica had no kind of radar for such hints to back off. "We're waiting until I'm more financially secure." You played along in hopes of settling any tension with Heidi. You were practically saving Jessica's life in your eyes. "I'm hoping a promotion is in the near future for me. A lot of my money has went to the wedding." "Oh I wish I had time for a job!" Jessica swooned. "I simply don't have time for that. I have a little one of my own, she's seven and quite possibly a genius! Naturally all my time goes to her and I'm absolutely exhausted! Oh how she's worth it though. My extraordinary child. Any other parent would be jealous!" Heidi hummed pleasantly but it was very forced. Anyone but Jessica could see it.  "(Y/N) works for the government. I want a big white wedding and my (Y/N) made my dreams come true! Now we hope to have children after the wedding and put some money away for private schooling. We'll have to be careful though in timing." Heidi pulled you closer to her, wrapping an arm around you. "I'd like to enjoy (Y/N) myself without any interruptions. Oh the things they can do!" Your jaw dropped. "Heidi!" "Honey, I promised I wouldn’t talk about your position in the government since it's a secret. You never said I couldn't talk about you." Jessica chuckled slightly uncomfortable. "Well if you excuse me..." 

"Really? Implying sex? Really?" Your eyes were wide. "She was insufferable before she came over here, I did you a favour. I said it because she's recently divorced and is very jealous of every couple here." Heidi paused. "Besides if she said rammed one more brag about her child in our faces I'd expect she'd pull the child out of her bag and trying to force her down our throats. Children are not that special, I don't care who you are." You sighed before a thought occurred to you. "I don't think I've ever heard anyone say something like that about their child. She just promised us a prodigy." "That's because she's insecure in herself, she's trying to show everyone she's a great mother who's managing perfectly her divorce from her husband who likely got bored of her long ago." "Maybe she is coping well." "Perhaps, but no one copes perfectly. That's the difference. She doesn't want a single crack to show and I bet on the inside she is one more crack away from falling to pieces." "I feel like everyone has it put together but me." Heidi snorted. "Are you kidding? Look. See Hayley over there? She went from everyone's perfect princess and now has nothing to show for it. She's learned she's normal like the rest of us. Tommy, no doubt has his issues with his husband because he couldn’t stress enough that his life was perfect along with his marriage. Even with the right person, marriages aren't always easy. I've made my case with that Jessica over there already." Heidi turned to look at you. "Everyone here is miserable and insecure and trying to pretend they aren't. They feel they have something to prove just like you do. As soon as they leave here, they'll be ripping one another apart just to make themselves feel better...it's a little cute if you ask me." Heidi finished with a smile. 

You suddenly stifled with a gasp. Liam. The ringleader of all bullies was in front of you and heading your way with a sickening smirk. You were his favourite to torment and judging by the smile he gave you, they're wouldn't be much difference. Liam looked down at you, a good head taller than you. "(Y/N) (L/N). I didn't expect you'd make it. We all know what you're like around...people." He smirked and you couldn't bring yourself to respond. "Who's this? How much did you pay her to go with you, hm?" Heidi's nostrils flared before she responded. "I'm their fiancee." She said sweetly, holding up her ring. "Has to be a fake. This moron can barely tie their own shoes never mind get you a ring like that." He snorted. Then his eyes ran up and down Heidi, the sight making your skin crawl. "Let me know when this one bores you princess. I can show you a better time." As soon as he left, you exhaled. "Can we go?" You asked Heidi. "No." She said looking at Liam who had walked away. "Why?" "Because I found my meal." "Him? Really? He might make you sick. I think he has tar for blood." "Oh no, he's the one." She said smoothly. "That's the one who gave you a rough time?" "Yeah, but it doesn't matter, let's just go-" "We'll stay for another half an hour. Right now, let's get you a drink." 

Heidi kept you distracted for the next twenty minutes, talking about everything and anything with you as you sipped on your drink. She even reassured you that you were the better catch than Liam...the pun was intended. "Listen honey, I'd spend my time with you before him. He's the type of guy who doesn't have a brain." She tilted her head almost adoringly in his direction. "He's a loser." "That's...not a compliment." "It's not supposed to be honey. Anyway, say your goodbyes. I'm going to get my meal. I'll meet you outside in ten minutes." She kissed you cheek before leaving. She didn't have to go so far in this act but you wouldn't complain. 

You moved away from your original position to see Heidi brush past Liam and giving him a seductive smile, all the while nodding at him to follow her. Liam had no problems and immediately complied. 

You left exactly ten minutes later, saying your final goodbyes to Tommy before Heidi turned the corner, smiling. "Darling, I was just checking the car. Are you ready to go?" Tommy was quick to pull you into a hug. "It was great seeing you (Y/N), remember to add my number! I'd love to hear from you again soon!" You nodded with a smile. "Bye, Tommy." There was something oddly sad about the situation. You already missed him and didn't know why. Perhaps he represented normal human life. Ever since you've known about vampires, your life hasn't been normal. An adjective you missed greatly. Heidi's cold hand slipping into yours broke you out of your thoughts before she lightly pulled you away. You offered a wave to Tommy as Heidi called back that it was lovely to have met him. "Your hand is freezing." You mumbled. "Would you like me to let go?" "No, it was way too hot in there, the cold is welcomed." Heidi smiled in response. "Did you...is he alive?" You asked. "No, he isn't." Heidi said simply. "He was delicious, just the right amount of Karma too " 

Heidi walked you to the Cullen door before kissing your cheek. You blushed immediately. "You were a lovely date tonight and I'm happy to have helped you. Perhaps you should take me out more often." She winked.

Heart to a Gunfight - Chapter Three

Pairing: Bucky x fem!Reader

Summary: You didn’t want to help Bucky Barnes make it through the party by pretending to be his fake girlfriend, after all, you had just met him. You also didn’t plan on the charade lasting as long as it did. 

Warnings: Just a lot of fluff! 

Word Count: 1.5k 

A/N: Finally found inspiration for the rest of this series, hoping the next parts will come quickly! Excited to know what you think! <3 

Previously: 

Wrapping an arm around her waist, he pulled her in close, their bodies lined up from their feet to the top of her shoulder, “You said you don’t care if we win or lose. Well how about we try and give Steve and Peggy a run for their money.”

She tilted her head to look up into his eyes, “That’s never going to happen, but I think we can definitely come in before Kira and Brad.”

Chapter Three

His lips pulled into a small smile that, for the first time all night, didn’t look like it was completely forced. Maybe a little uncertain, but at least slightly more genuine. It wasn’t a bad look on him.

“Steady rhythm.” He affirmed.

“That’s your great plan to win?” You asked with a raised brow. “Steady rhythm?”

He nodded and pulled you closer, “As long as we take our steps in sync, there’s nothing else to this.”

“And you know this because you’ve done a lot of three-legged races or because it’s the most obvious strategy in the world?”

All amusement vanished from his face, “Your sass isn’t going to help”

You almost mentioned that if it was keeping him from thinking about his ex-fiancé then it was helping more than he realized, but you kept your mouth shut. Bringing her up now would only destroy the little progress you had made in getting him forget about her presence. Having to keep Barnes occupied should have annoyed you, but it was a good distraction on an otherwise boring night, so you didn’t mind helping him out. If you were being honest, no one deserved to be stuck with their ex without a wingman to help and that had softened your irritation a little.

“So, what’s your strategy for a steady rhythm, Soldier? A one-two count?”

He opened his mouth and shut it again like you had stolen the words from him. When he stayed silent, you realized you had.

“How original.” You said dryly.

He glared at you, his sour mood returning. You were beginning to think it was his default look. “Do you have any other helpful remarks to add, Speedy?”

“Yeah. Stop calling me Speedy.”

He smirked, “Okay, Doll.”

“That’s no better.” You snarled.

“Deal with it.”

“Everyone ready?” The best man’s shout broke through the air, interrupting your next sarcastic retort.

A few whoops sounded from the other players in the line but the two of you remained silent, steeling yourselves for the child’s game you got roped into because of Bucky’s pride. You were about to remind him of that fact when he spoke up.

“So, on one we move our joint foot and on two we move our free foot. Got it?”

“Yeah, yeah.” You nodded with a sharp sigh, “Don’t forget we need to match the length of our strides too.”

He glanced down at you, a funny look on his face. You raised a brow.

“Right.” He mumbled, the arm around your waist pulling you in closer and enveloping you in his warmth.

You looked down the line and noticed Steve and Peggy staring stoically at the finish line, and a laugh bubbled out. You definitely pitied the poor suckers that were stuck those two. Their competitive nature was barely more controlled than a tornado and you didn’t want to be anywhere near them if they got physical.

Barely in your line of vision, you felt Kira’s eyes on you, and your gaze slid over to meet hers. She arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow and you grinned, waggling your fingers at her. Brad, noting the movement, waved back, an excited look on his face. At least one person was excited to be here.

You brought your attention back to Bucky before he began to look for the person you had been waving too, “Ready, Soldier?”

“Doll.” He drew out the word as if you had asked a ridiculous question, “Are you?”

You grit your teeth. “That’s not my name.”

He smirked.

“Not like you know what it actually it.”

The look fell and before he could try to prove you wrong - doubtful - the best man announced the start of the race. Both of you moved the wrong foot at the same time, almost sending each other crashing to the ground. His fingertips pressed into your side, grip tightening as he righted you.

“One” He growled, his voice was a deep command you felt compelled to follow, so you did.

Following the sound of his voice and moving in time with him, you could tell by the pressure on your waist that he had taken the lead and was in full control. Tightening your grip around his wide torso, you looked down at the ground to better match his strides. To your surprise, and despite your rocky start, the two of you moved in perfect rhythm as if you had been doing this since you were kids. You couldn’t help but smile.

When you looked up, you realized Peggy and Steve had already crossed the finish line, but Kira and Brad were only a few feet in front of you. You were about to tell Bucky to pick up the pace, but he must have noticed them at the same time and had quickened his counting. He was counting so fast you were afraid the two of you were going to topple over trying to keep up with his brutal pace, but you weren’t about to be the reason he didn’t beat Kira so you followed suit.

The two of you kept pushing even when your steps no longer felt even, gaining on them until you were neck in neck. The finish line was a few feet away and you kept your eyes on the prize, beginning to think that you were actually about to win. Just as you were about to pass them, you felt your feet go out from under you and you closed your eyes, bracing yourself for the impact of the fall. Only the hard grass never came. Apart from the uncomfortable strain in your left leg, the fall hadn’t hurt at all.

The only thing you could see when you opened your eyes were his blue-green ones, alight with more life than you had seen all evening. You were lost for a moment, mesmerized by the look.

“I think that’s on you” He chuckled.

“Me?” You found yourself laughing despite trying to put on a serious face, “I was just following your lead, Sergeant.”

The corner of his mouth was turned up in a lopsided smirk, “Whoever told you to do that was probably an idiot.”

“Yeah,” you murmured, “He probably was.”

“That’s second place for us.” Kira’s chirpy voice announced.

Bucky cleared his throat, “We should untie ourselves now.”

“Okay,” You nodded, “Help me up?”

He cocked his head, “You don’t seem like the kind of person to ask for help.”

“I’m not,” You whispered, brushing his hair aside as if the two of you were talking about something far more romantic, “But I figured your girlfriend would. And, you know, I’m not usually tied to the person.”

“Excuses, excuses.”

You shook your head at the playful grin on his lips and he rolled you gently off of him, the two of you sitting up. As you were about to untie the bind around your legs his hand found yours.

“I got it.”

Shrugging, you looked up and found Peggy and Steve grinning at the two of you.

“What place did we get?” You asked.

Peggy opened her mouth to answer but Kira interrupted, “last.”

“What? How?”

“Well,” Peggy shot you a weak smile, “You fell just before the line so technically you haven’t finished the race yet.”

Peggy’s words solidified the smug look on Kira’s face as she cuddled in closer to Brad. You wanted to wipe the look off her face, but there was nothing you could do about it now.

“Well, that’s a bummer.” You said as lightheartedly as possible, coming to a stand.

You looked around for Bucky, but he was still sitting on the grass, staring up at you.

“First or last, Speedy, as long as we’re crossing that line together, I don’t care about the rest.”

A collective aww sounded and you realized most of the wedding party had seen your fall and had stayed to watch the rest of the scene afterwards. You smiled, impressed - though you hoped the crowd thought it was love. The spark in his eye seemed to ask you who was pulling the team now.

He tilted his head, “Help me up?”

You laughed and almost rolled your eyes at him, extending your hand, “What would you do without me?”

“God only knows,” He stood so that the two of you were now mere inches apart, and whispered so that only you could hear, “You’ve got some catching up to do, Doll.”

He looped your arm through his and the two of you took the last step together over the line. The crowd erupted into cheers, but the sound didn’t drown out the echo of his taunt, ringing in your ears. Turning to face him, you pressed another quick peck to his lips, that at least this time, didn’t leave him staring at you with confusion written all over his face. Instead, there was only silent challenge.

Looking past him, you noticed Kira standing with her arms crossed, her lips pinched as if having bit into something sour. You snuggled in closer, starting to think that maybe this night wouldn’t be as excruciating as you thought it might be.

☕️ mmmm pokemon games specifically (not including spinoffs)

sorry this is late im terrible with actually answering asks. ill do this generation by generation. also this ended up very long because i have a lot of thoughts about pkmn.

gen one: okay so right off the bat im gonna say that i have a massive soft spot for gen one, considering blue was the first game i ever played. i do have a degree of nostalgia towards it which is why i can never be truly be harsh on these games. i know they're a mess of glitches and mechanics that make no fucking sense (seriously FUCK psychic types and everything they stand for) but it has a certain charm to it.

but even as a "kanto apologist" (which damien calls me) i can absolutely agree that the pandering is fucking abysmal. they're trying cater to a demographic who hasn't cared about pokemon in years and aren't going to pick up a new game just because charizard is in it. by doing this it feels like they're alienating the people who actually care, like "yeah ur support is nice but we want the genwunners to like us more than anything.

also on the topic of pandering is that their pandering is so half-assed too. all of this gen one content and not one shred of love for my boys victreebel or cloyster? bro i hate it here.

gen two: i dont really have that much to say here tbh. i have no fond memories of it at all considering i only played through gold once right before hgss came out. i can say that i appreciate all of the bullshit from gen one that it fixed but i have issues with johto as a region that ill elaborate on when i talk about the remakes.

gen three: honestly i never cared much for this gen. i played it quite a bit growing up but it's always been whatever for me. a lot of it just feels kind of.....bland for me. i really don't know what to say because it leaves me feeling conflicted. there's nothing bad about these games that sticks out like a sore thumb but they just don't do it for me, ya know?

i do appreciate frlg for shedding a much better light on kanto though.

gen four: okay so i'll fully admit that the sinnoh games are my childhood faves and are still my faves now but im not letting nostalgia completely cloud my judgement on this.

honestly? i think pokemon peaked with platinum. dp had their problems for sure and some of those still carried over to platinum but the scale in which platinum told its story feels so much grander than any pokemon game that came before or after it. i absolute adore the sinnoh mythos and i only want dp remakes just so it can get expanded upon, i could care less about any actually gameplay from it. ive said this before but you cannot make the god of pokemon and not do anything with it.

as for hgss, i have very mixed feelings about this one but not in the same way gen 3 made me feel because i do have genuine problems here. ive talked before about them but i just cannot stress how bad the level and pokemon distributions are. how the fuck can you make brand new pokemon for your johto region and not put them in fucking johto?

like these games are fine ig. i never cared about the walking pokemon mechanic but it literally feels like people only praise this game as the best because of that one thing that has no bearing on the actual game itself. you can like these games all you want, i still enjoy parts of them myself, but calling them the best is a huge reach.

gen five: right off the bat im gonna say that i do love the gen five games so nobody thinks im being overly critical or anything. i love the aesthetic of these games, i ADORE the pokemon here and they're some of the most fun pokemon games to play through. it's the story and characters (with the exception of n i will absolutely give credit where it is die there) that throw me for a loop.

i feel like whenever i praise the story or characters im just following the crowd here. i don't know if im just very stupid (i definitely am very stupid) or what but none of it felt as powerful as people claim it is for me personally. maybe i should just pay more attention but i honestly don't know. im definitely not saying theyre bad or anything i just in all hobestly dont get the (very sudden) hype.

uhhh i can't say much about bw2 because i haven't beaten it since it came out but i remember liking hugh and it made iris a champion so i remember them being good on those two things alone.

gen six: hohohohoho here we go. tbh i don't even know what i can say about xy that hasn't already been said. like gen one might be a huge mess looking back on it but at least it had character. xy introduced a few pokemon that i really liked and some amazing shiny hunting methods that should definitely return but that's the most i can say in terms of praise.

i dont think pokemon has ever gotten this boring before, and that's speaking as someone who clocked over 300 hours into my x save file. nothing has life (which in hindsight is ironic considering xerneas is the god of life) and i hate the way mega evolution was handled so much. i really don't know what else to say because everyone has already said what i want to but i think this has been pokemon's lowest point so far.

oras once again made hoenn complicated for me. they made hoenn somewhat interesting for me in a way that didnt capture me in the originals. i don't think they're stellar but ive seen people call these the worst ones and....why. i get that the originals are special to a lot of people and that they feel like oras did them injustice but honestly i would oras over the originals because they're just more fun for me.

gen seven: it made popplio. 10/10.

okay so i can understand why the very slow start and unskippable long cutscenes threw a lot of people off but i just don't understand so much of the hate it around other things. again i see people proclaiming it as the worst and you can see it as that from a gameplay element, but the story fucking slapped ass and i don't think amybody can or should deny that. maybe i just feel very passionately about them because they're very personal for me in helping me through a rough time in my life but i just also dont see why everybody is so mad at these games sometimes.

the fact that sm mean so much to me makes usum's entire existence hurt so much more. like wow i love abuse apologism: the game thank you sooooo much gamefreak! /s

aside from ultra wormhole jumping, my baby dusk lycanroc and the new ultra beasts i dont care for anything new usum brought. it feels like it back peddled so much by completely ruining lillie's character by attempting to make lusamine likable when the damage from the first games was already done. i hate usum they're the only pokemon games i can state that i hate. i don't know how you can take sm's well-done albeit flawed blueprints, take out everything that was good and only leave stuff that either doesn't matter or is actively harmful.

also let's go pikachu and eevee exist too idrc

gen eight: ive already spoken my piece on swsh but im gonna be more clear here. i dont think swsh is inherently bad and i can still have fun with them. i dont think the issue here lies with the cut pokedex. i could honestly care less about that and i always figured we would get to this point. the issue lies with nintendo and tpci pushing for yearly releases, forcing the devs to make yearly subpar games. i can think of so many ways they can remedy this situation: taking longer times between releases, hiring more staff at gamefreak or even splitting developments for different projects between multiple different studios. i hope that the reported low moral at gamefreak at swsh's releases is enough of a wake up call for change but that could just be me being optimistic.

i am SO sorry this ended up as long as it is but i have a lot of opinions and not enpugh willpower to keep my mouth shut

My Top Ten Games of 2020

Let’s just address the giant elephant in the room from the offset: 2020 has been one giant mess of a year. Every event, every major moment this year just felt like the worst case scenario every time.

For a lot of us though, there was one saving grace: video games.

2020 has been a damn fine year for video games. From the return of certain classic franchises to some amazing new entries and experiences. Gaming really managed to thrive in a year where other entertainment mediums such as films and television struggled.

Let’s dive in and take a look at some of the games that made this year a lot more bearable:

10: Watch Dogs Legion

I’ve had a soft spot for Ubisoft’s hack ‘em up franchise for quite a while. I didn’t think the original was as disappointing as it was made out to be and I thought the second one was an underrated gem. When Legion was first announced, I liked a lot of what the game was setting out to do but I wasn’t ready to pull the trigger on getting it. I decided to give the game a chance in the end and I’m glad I did.

Legion might suffer from the same pitfalls that have plagued other Ubisoft enterprises, but the recruitment mechanic is one of the coolest systems I have seen in any game ever. The fact that you can recruit any NPC that you see on the streets of London and use their unique talents to complete your objectives is just an awesome thing in and of itself. Its depiction of London is also incredibly fun to explore and cause mayhem in. While I found the writing to be pretty subpar, the game quite buggy and the whole PS5 upgrade fiasco a farce, I still found Legion to be a fun open world experience overall.

9: Resident Evil 3

Resident Evil has been on a real hot streak as of late, hasn’t it? Ever since Capcom made a promise to its fans that the Resident Evil series would go back to what made it so popular in the first place, the series has gone from strength to strength. Last year saw the release of the RE2 Remake which was absolutely excellent in that it kept the spirit of the original while also taking a few liberties of its own. It was only a matter of time before RE3 got the same treatment and well... it did.

I’m just going to spit this out. It’s not as good as the RE2 Remake. It didn’t need to be though. I still think this is a good game that provides a satisfying and fun survival horror experience. It carries over a lot of the elements that made the RE2 Remake such an excellent game and in certain areas (especially the writing) it makes a few improvements. Plus the game looks absolutely stunning thanks to the RE Engine. It is quite short. It is missing quite a bit of content from the original game. It definitely isn’t as replayable as the RE2 Remake. I still had a blast with it though overall. If this really is a blip for the Resident Evil series, then it must be in a really good place right now.

8: Tell Me Why

Dontnod Entertainment have fast become one of my favourite developers in the industry right now. When I first played Life is Strange back in 2015, it felt like a revelation. It weaved a fantastic story with characters you genuinely cared for and took you to a place you never wanted to leave. I’ve enjoyed all of their other ventures since then such as the underrated (if quite janky) Vampyr and Life is Strange 2.

Tell Me Why is another venture that fits the Dontnod MO: A grounded emotional story with slight supernatural elements, a degree of player choice and a setting that makes your jaw drop. The major difference here is the game’s attempt to portray a transgender character. That’s nothing new in and of itself. It’s more the fact that it attempts to accurately portray a transgender male character which is a bit of a rarity in all forms of media. Transgender portrayals (from what I’ve seen) tend to focus on male to female rather than female to male.

I’m in no position to comment on whether the portrayal is accurate or not, but I got the impression that Dontnod really went out of their way to get this right. Their FAQ explains that they worked with GLAAD and the voice actor to get it as right as they could. That alone deserves huge praise, but I also loved the Ronan Twins’ story as they dealt with their harsh past and the uncertain future. The game was a delight from beginning to end and it just looks absolutely gorgeous to boot. Dontnod have done it again.

7: Bugsnax

One of the early delights of the last generation was a little ditty known as Octodad: Dadliest Catch. It was a fun little physics based affair which cast you as a octopus masquerading as a human. The game had a terrific sense of humour and it was just bloody fun to play. Young Horses (the developer of the game) kinda went dark after that. They only really resurfaced to release two bonus levels for that game and then they just disappeared again. Now we know why that was the case...

Bugsnax retains some of the qualities that made Octodad such as a memorable game. A great sense of humour and a unique gameplay hook. You play as a reporter sent to the mysterious Snaktooth Island to interview an explorer called Elizabert Megafig who has discovered these unusual creatures known as Bugsnax. After crash landing onto the island, you discover that Elizabert and her significant other have gone missing. It’s up to you to find out what happened while also documenting and capturing Bugsnax for yourself. Capturing the Bugsnax is a big part of what makes this game such a delight to play. As you unlock more tools to play around with, you can come up with different strategies and methods to capture these weird snack based creatures. It’s pretty awesome. Throw in a lovable set of characters to interact with and a beautiful environment to explore, and you’ve got one of the most lovable games released this year.

6: Mafia: Definitive Edition

The last few years haven’t been too kind to the Mafia franchise in my eyes. I really wanted to like Mafia III when it came out back in 2016. It was a sequel I waited years for and it did have some good qualities such as an excellent story that dealt with some pretty heavy topics, solid gameplay mechanics and an amazing licensed soundtrack. Unfortunately the game had one of the most tedious and boring gameplay loops I think I’ve ever seen in an open world game. It just got so dull after the first couple of hours.

This year saw the announcement of the Mafia Trilogy which was to be a celebration of the entire franchise with a remake of the first game, a remaster of the second and a re-release of the third. Half of this was botched with the remaster of II being poorly put together and the re-release of III receiving a broken patch. Things were looking grim for the remake...

As you can see by it being in this list, we were proven wrong. Mafia: DE is a fantastic remake that pays good lip service to the original while also expanding on certain elements. The story which follows the rise and fall of cab driver turned wiseguy Tommy Angelo is more fleshed out with new sequences and character moments that weren’t in the original. Gameplay still retains the solid shooting and cover mechanics of Mafia III and the driving feels absolutely excellent especially when you put it in simulation mode. Lost Heaven is just gorgeous to behold as well with its bustling neighbourhoods and beautiful countryside. I hope this is the beginning of a redemption arc for Hangar 13 and the Mafia franchise. There is a lot of promise to build upon from here.

5: Deadly Premonition 2: A Blessing in Disguise

Anyone who knows me personally or has followed me on social media for a while knows that I’m a big fan of Deadly Premonition. The 2010 cult survival horror hit pretty much encapsulates why I love video games with its lovable hero, an eccentric cast of characters and surprisingly solid mechanics considering the budget it was made for. It was definitely more than the sum of its parts.

When I found out that a sequel was being made exclusively for the Nintendo Switch, my jaw hit the floor pretty hard. I thought any hopes for a sequel were dashed when SWERY left Access Games (the original dev), and yet here we are. A Blessing in Disguise is a brilliant sequel to the zany original. It captures everything that I loved about the original game to a T while also improving in certain aspects. The story is more ambitious this time with it being both prequel and sequel. A lot of the gameplay elements have been improved. The combat benefits from better aiming controls and an upgrade system for both York and his weapon. Getting from A to B is less wonky (and more fun) thanks to the addition of a skateboard rather than a car.

While I do still think the original is better due to the more creative side quests, the more challenging difficulty and the fact that it functions better from a technical perspective, I’m still a big fan of DP2 and it deserves your attention. Here’s hoping that it makes its way to other platforms in the future.

4: Ghost of Tsushima

This last generation has been good for Sony and its Worldwide Studios. In the last five years, they’ve managed to produce hit after hit after hit. A definite far cry from the first year of the PS4 where they produced some dire exclusives. Infamous Second Son was one of these. Sucker Punch’s first effort on the console was very pretty and a good technical showpiece for the console, but as a game, it was boring and dull. I couldn’t even muster the strength to finish it. The standalone expansion First Light was a huge improvement in my eyes. It cut out a lot of the fluff from Second Son. I knew then that Sucker Punch would eventually give us something amazing. They certainly did in the end...

Ghost of Tsushima is honestly one of the best exclusives that Sony has ever produced. Giving us a brutal tale in the vein of a Kurosawa flick where samurai Jin Sakai is forced to betray his code in order to drive out the Mongol force that has enslaved his homeland; we have a story that is genuinely gripping from beginning to end with an incredibly powerful final duel to boot. The combat is incredibly fun with a brilliant combat system that is easy to pick up but challenging to master. Duels especially show the combat system at its finest. Upgrading your abilities genuinely makes you feel incredibly powerful as you begin to decimate enemies left, right and center. Stealth is solid giving you plenty of tools at your disposal and certainly changes up the gameplay a fair bit. Did I mention that Tsushima Island is one of the most aesthetically pleasing locales in any game to date? Well I’m saying it now. It is one of the most beautiful locales in any game to date.

I’m very excited to see where this new IP goes in the future because this first entry is just incredible. A must buy if you own or plan on owning a PlayStation 4 or 5 in the near future.

3: Astro’s Playroom

Memorable pack-in exclusives are a bit of a rarity nowadays. The last one that sticks in my mind is Wii Sports, and that was a long time ago.

Astro’s Playroom serves as the pack-in title for the PlayStation 5 as it is pre-installed on all units. It’s also my favourite exclusive for the console so far. The main reason for this is that Astro’s Playroom evolves past being just a tech demo for the console and its fancy new controller. It actually is a fun little platformer in its own right. It offers something different with every level. In one level you can transform into a giant ball and attempt to navigate some pretty tight platforms, and in the next, you take control of a rocket ship and navigate through corridors while also avoiding bombs. There is great variety here and to be fair, it shows off the potential of the new DualSense controller fantastically.

Plus the game is just one giant love letter to the PlayStation brand and the games that made it what it is today. You’ll see references to obscure PlayStation paraphernalia such as the Multitap and UMD discs, and also games like Final Fantasy VII and Silent Hill. The final boss of the game in particular is one giant callback to something you might remember if you got a PlayStation 1 back in the day. I won’t say any more, but it made me yelp in joy when I saw it. If you plan on getting a PlayStation 5 in the future, make this the first game you play. You won’t regret it.

2: Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1+2

Activision have been on a roll in the last few years with the revitalisation of some of their classic franchises. Crash Bandicoot and Spyro the Dragon for example have enjoyed newfound success thanks to the excellent N Sane Trilogy and Reignited Trilogy. When it was revealed earlier this year that Vicarious Visions and Beenox would be resurrecting the Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater franchise with a remake of Pro Skater 1 and 2, my heart skipped a good few beats.

The Pro Skater franchise means a lot to me personally as I have very fond memories of putting hours into 1 and 2 when I was a kid. Going through the Career mode with each skater, learning the gaps and getting used to doing manuals when they were introduced in 2, it’s all ingrained into me. I’m happy to say that this is probably the best remake I have ever played. It perfectly captures what made those first two entries so special. Each level is beautifully recreated with a ton of new details that serve to enhance these levels. The soundtrack includes all of your old favourites like Goldfinger’s Superman and Rage Against the Machine’s Guerilla Radio along with some fantastic new tracks like Less Than Jake’s Bomb Drop.

The gameplay definitely taps more into Pro Skater 3 and 4 territory with Reverts and Flatland tricks included. These tricks don’t feel out of place and the game does give you the option to play it legacy style if you want. It feels magnificent overall though. The physics are pitch perfect. Creating lines and large combos is still as addicting and rewarding as ever. Online leaderboards certainly tempt you to reach for the stars if you’ve got the ability. Career mode isn’t particularly long, but the pretty robust Create-a-Park editor and solid multiplayer suite should keep you coming back for more. I’ve already put dozens of hours into this and I have no intention of stopping anytime soon.

If my number 1 entry on this list didn’t exist, this would be my Game of the Year. As it stands though, this is a very close second.

1: Doom Eternal

How do you follow up one of the best first person shooters in recent memory? Basically turn everything up to eleven and then some. Doom (2016) was such an eye opener when it launched. It gave everything we could have ever wanted from a new Doom game: a whole planet full of demons to kill and some big guns to help them back to where they belong. It was awesome and an easy choice for my GOTY back in 2016.

I anticipated Doom Eternal with bated breath. The excitement was building but the nerves were building with it. How could it live up to the previous one? What if it makes the same mistakes as Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus? Thankfully my worries were unfounded as soon as I loaded up the game and was thrown straight into the fold with a Combat Shotgun and some entry level demons to destroy with it.

Doom Eternal is the FPS genre at its absolute finest. The levels are much bigger with more secrets to find and loads of demons to kill. Said demons are much more plentiful in their ranks and they move faster too. Fortunately enough, you have a huge arsenal to deal death to these demonic denizens from the depths of Hell such as the starter Combat Shotgun, the Plasma Rifle, the Ballista and even a giant sword known as the Crucible. Enemies now have weak points to exploit as well which can turn the tide of battle and it rewards accuracy. Before you know it, you’ll be entangled in a ballet of bullets, beams, blood and guts (HUGE guts mind you.) This game makes you feel like a hero at the end of every fight. It’s so satisfying.

Toss in a soundtrack that will get your blood pumping and your goosebumps raising along with environments that will make your TV or monitor look like a window to a scorched earth, and you have my Game of the Year for 2020. Well deserved for sure. I really need to get on that DLC.

To those of you who actually took the time to read all that, you have my heartfelt thanks. I really appreciate you reading this and I hope my choices made sense.

To those of you who just glanced at each entry and skimmed through the text, I don’t blame you for doing that. I still appreciate you taking a look anyway.

All that’s left for me to say is that I hope each and every one of you has a safe holiday season and I hope that the New Year will be better for all of us.

I’ll see you all in 2021. Stay safe and well, folks.

PLEASE GIVE ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AFTER FFH

I LITERALLY DON’T THINK I CAN DO THAT BC IT’S WILD UP IN MY BRAIN RN BUT LET’S ATTEMPT SOME BULLET POINTS

•it was SO fun. Everyone got me so scared to go see it but instead I had a blast. Sure the emotional parts were a little rough but what no one told me is that the movie put the pieces back together too! It felt very healing as far as Endgame sadness and no one told me it would be like that. Plus I thought it was so funny and Peter & his friends & teachers were GOLD

•I love this MJ. GOD do I LOVE this MJ. Zendaya is wonderful. “Awkward teen” is such a common archetype that it never seems to feel real and miss zendaya waltzes in with her impeccable acting instincts and realistic quirks and mannerisms and just nails this teenaged character with complete authenticity.......wig

•in the same vein I’m head over heels for this version of petermj GOD YES I don’t want perfectly romantic high school couples because things don’t WORK like that!! Why did things ever work like that!! Plus like every version of Peter Parker is a big nerd anyway it’s just unrealistic to expect him to have any game, you know? I love watching Zendaya & Tom play off of each other bc they both have SOLID instincts honestly they’re a joy to watch when they share the screen

•jake gyllenhaal man,,,,,jake gyllenhaal,,,,I don’t even know where to go with this. Mysterio was a cheesy level of evil, like he was ridiculously theatrical, and it would have been cheesy and ridiculous in less skilled hands but INSTEAD mr jake SNATCHED my WIG. He was so goshdarn charming in the first half that I caught myself wanting to like him (when I wasn’t mentally challenging him to fight me in a Walmart parking lot for being such a huge jerk) and that was all well and good but once he got to let his villainy loose? WOOOOOO okay first of all that SMILE that goshdarn SMILE the second Peter left the bar haha oh MAN he just, like, flipped a switch, you know? WILD. Riveting. mr jake’s teeth get 20 Oscars ALSO his villain speech? I can’t get into it there’s a lot to unpack but his delivery was so great. SO great. I loved how he was generally reserved and charming even when evil so that the moments when he had an outburst were scary. Like any time when he got angry and started yelling felt like a Moment bc of how he held back for the rest of it. He was always so deliciously menacing too like ugh sometimes I just love a good old fashioned villain, you know? He’s not terribly complicated, he’s pretty much just evil! Simple as that! Woohoo! And his dying line gave me CHILLS it wasn’t even just the line even tho the words are chill-enducing enough but it was his DELIVERY that just SENT ME like the way he’s trailing off and ESPECIALLY that creepy & deranged little smile AAAAHHHHHHH

•while we’re on the last line I get chills when I think about it bc when remembering the moment you fit the mid credit scene in with it and it’s like,,,,so THAT’S what that means,,,,THAT’S what the smile is for,,,,,THAT’S why you’re so pleased that anyone will believe anything,,,,,W I L D

•and I thought it was so cool how they updated Mysterio. He’s a special effects guy, right? That’s how the story goes when you look back at his origin comic, yeah? So to see him working with modern special effects instead of the practical effects of the era of his debut was so cool. Seeing Jake Gyllenhaal walk around in a Marvel movie wearing a morph suit was kinda meta and I kinda dig it. I thought it was all very creative

•if you had told me years ago that Back in Black by AC/DC would be the thing to set off an emotional outburst for me I literally would not have believed you but here we are

•no joke I was doing a relatively good job of holding it together (and relative is good for me) until AC/DC started playing, then I kinda lost it

•TOM HOLLAND SMASHED IT

•HE JUST SMASHED IT IDK

•THE SCENE IN THE PLANE. YOU KNOW THE ONE. 3000 OSCARS FOR MR TOM real talk I would kill to see him do a legit drama piece and I also can’t even imagine what he’ll be doing when he’s older. I mean. He’s pulling this out in a summer blockbuster of all things before he’s 25.....imagine what he’ll be doing if he gets to the point of having, like, decades of experience behind him

•the part when he was building his suit.......I cried

•as far as the plot...on one hand? Predictable every step of the way. On the other hand? I find a weird satisfaction in watching a movie that flawlessly fulfills basic beat structure and yeah it would be boring if every movie did that but it’s okay sometimes

•the first scene. the first. goshdarn scene. I have never truly known what it was like to laugh and cry at the same time

•MJ AND A MACE!!!! YEAH!

•I like how this movie begins with the question “is Spider-Man the next Iron Man” and proceeds to answer it with “no. He’s Spider-Man and that’s more than good enough.” Tony’s shadow is a huge one to live under and I love that the movie explicitly places Peter outside of that shadow. Like, yeah, he’s similar to Tony in some ways but at the end of the day? He’s his own hero. It’s highlighted even more by the fact that Mysterio is his foil and Mysterio wanted to be the new Iron Man.

•I don’t know what I was expecting from the second credit scene but that......wasn’t it. The two credits scenes threw me through more loops than the entire actual movie did

•J Jonah Jameson got a bigger reaction out of me than anything else in the movie by far

•I swear to you the words “pizza time” were uttered in this film I just don’t remember where

•I literally thought I was going to die when looking at Peter immediately after he got hit by the train

•the consistency with the limp throughout the whole second half really heckin Got Me and also how he touched his ribs in the final battle bc they were injured from the train accident. It’s the little things like that that make Peter seem more human & genuine

•WHEN HE SAW HAPPY AND WAS AFRAID OF HIM BC HE DIDN’T KNOW IF HE WAS REAL,,,,THAT HURT MY GUYS,,,,POOR BBY BOYYYYY but then when he hugged Happy I thought I was going to have a meltdown don’t worry I didn’t

•the scene where Mysterio seriously gets in Peter’s head, you know the one, good golly was that overwhelming. Like. I was feeling the need to jump up and start pacing the floor, you know? It was really well done and it stressed me outtt

•Iron Zombie had me feelin a little queasy if I’m being totally real here lol I was not feelin good about that one

•it took me the whole 2 hours to bounce back from “even dead I’m the hero” oh my god that was SO Tony. I can hear it in his voice. I miss him.

•can’t believe Tony is still out here fully protecting Peter with a whole army of drones from beyond the grave wow the irondad JUMPED out

•BUT OVERALL I FEEL SO GREAT AND EXCITED ABOUT THIS MOVIE WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I played Death of the Outsider finally and I have some Feelings about it

and most of them not very positive. nice stuff first tho!

THINGS I LIKED:

- billie is such a good character. still new to her old self and slightly tender from coming out of the protective shell of lies that was meagan foster, full of old scars and doubts and bitterness but trying for something better, something kinder even though she still doesn’t quite understand what she’s walking towards -- the genuine care and tenderness in her voice when she talks to daud or thinks about deidre. I love her.

all that and she effortlessly IS also the queer disabled woc the gamer bros refuse to believe could possibly exist. exquisite. 

- the idea of ‘killing’ the outsider is compelling, but it’s the sort of idea that needs a full length game to support it and its implications. cool idea, completely wrong execution.

- saying that: I love that the injustice of the outsider’s creation being righted is only made possible by a long unbroken line of mercy and kindness. daud saved billie from the streets, corvo spared daud, daud saved emily and spared billie after her betrayal, billie tried to save aramis stilton and became entangled in the void, emily spared billie, billie took this job in the first place partly because she loves her dad daud and wants him to find peace. that idea is so beautiful that I wish the rest of the narrative was strong enough to hold it up lol.

there’s also something going on here with other people holding on to the important pieces of you -- that billie is ‘all that is left’ of daud after he’s dead. once he saved a child from true loneliness and gave her a purpose, made her feel seen again, gave her the closest thing she had to a home, and when he’s completely lost himself in the void... that kindness is still alive in billie, and she helps him find his way. again that is really touching and thoughtful and plays wonderfully into the chaos system in these games thematically! too bad about all the stilted dialogue and characterization messes and uh. everything else. 

- most of all I love how clear it is that billie and daud love each other. it’s a quiet love that has nothing to prove anymore, it’s survived all the blood and the ugliness and everything they’ve done to each other and to the world, a love with no demands left. it’s not the sort of love you usually see, in all its unsentimentality, but it’s real. when daud tells her he’s proud of her and trusts her no matter what she chooses to do, you feel how much he means it. (making his insistence on trying to make her choice for her all the weirder -- see my long rant of lamentation about his characterization in doto below lol)

there’s something about daud’s undramatic yet complete acceptance of and respect for billie that... I didn’t know I needed this, but it was a nice gift nonetheless haha, thank you. (it’s similar to how good it feels in D2 when you realize corvo just likes emily a lot as a person, even aside from her being his daughter. a good series for father & daughter stories)

- this carries over from D2, but I think the journal/log entries are better written and more insightful than the stuff out in the world.  

- it cannot be overstated how much the gameplay loop of these games is just... pure crack cocaine for my brain haha, very few things give me this specific kind of brain tingle. I love the sound of looting and I love the art style and ambiance and I love planning out a strategy after finding all the options and I love never being spotted or killing anyone and I love the puzzle elements they put into exploration sections and I love the feeling of how you move through the environment. it’s one of the few games where I routinely get so into it I end up with a crick in the neck because I’ve been so focused for so long and never noticed I’ve been sitting in a way that makes my entire spine hate me. I needed something to get me through the last few days and it did deliver that, at least. karnaca is pretty enough that I didn’t even mind that most of the levels were recycled from D2 either. 

- I’m not quite sure whether I understood this right but there’s a woman standing behind daud in the void -- I wonder if that is actually his mother and he’s been so close this whole time? at first I thought maybe it was jessamine but god no I hope she’s finally at peace after All That Nonsense, she shouldn’t have to hang around there anymore. there’s also a figure near him I could swear was corvo with his mask on, but he’s not dead canonically so that would make very little sense. oh well I’ll take my feels where I can get them even if I have to make them up wholesale  

- the bankheist was cool as fuuuuuck, that and the emotional impact of daud dying was sadly the height of this game for me, after that it all went mediocre real quick     

- paul nakauchi as shan yun was, as I have said before, a blast. ‘ugh I cannot continue my throat is as raw as a plucked pheasant’ fsdkfhlsadjkhfas

- daud’s funeral is genuinely touching. she gave him the entirety of her old life for a sendoff, battered and worn and dear as they both were. someone hold me 

THINGS I  H A T E D:

- the stuff they did with daud’s characterization. I am so unreasonably angry over this haha, the more I think about it the more I hate it. I think there are paths you could go with his ACTUAL character to make this work, but this was not it. I’ve said this before, but his most iconic, most defining scene is him surrendering himself to corvo’s judgement without justifying himself or deflecting the blame for any of what he’s done. this isn’t even regression in his character, it’s just.. a different character altogether. they could have gone for the angle that delilah almost managed to end the world b/c daud showed mercy and that’s the reason he’s moved to action, I think that might be a more compelling motivation for him at least. OR have him be more conflicted about how to do things -- violence is still the only tool he knows how to use but it’s not what he wants to or even can be anymore and the conflict troubles him, ‘His hands do violence, but there is a different dream in his heart’. or even use a different character for the ‘kill kill kill’ angle, he didn’t need to be here for this dlc at all.   

also, just on a purely practical level... for all his flaws and longstanding moral shortsightedness daud is not a stupid man. why the FCK would he be so sure that killing the outsider will fix anything? if I, dumbass extraordinaire, could within half a minute wonder if maybe something even worse would take the outsider’s place if you removed him... why does that never occur to the Knife of Dunwall tm, a man about Void for like half a century or whatever?? ugh fuck this, I’m having a hard time explaining exactly why it all feels weird and wrong to me, but know that it does and that I Do Not Like It lol. I feel cheated out of something important I thought I had.  

- again, this should have been a full game. (I think it is sold as one already, but it just hm isn’t) there’s way too much shit of literal cosmic importance for the game’s universe being picked up here for something this short to cover. save this HUGE idea for a rainy day should you ever want to do another game in the series and do something else with the dlc, honestly. 

- god but the outsider is insufferable in this. I don’t know what happened, but by the end I was like ‘*thoughtfully strokes chin* maybe daud has a point billie keep that knife handy’. he’s annoying and boring, which is wild to me because he was always a lot of fun in the other games.

for real tho I don’t know if this is just my atheist-but-still-angry-at-god-somehow??? talking, but daud HAS a point. people are responsible for their own actions, but the outsider didn’t have to do any of what he did either. he could have chosen to be bored through the centuries instead of seeing what people would do if you gave them such ~*morally neutral*~ abilities as y’know summoning a bunch of rats to eat other people. the game wants me to buy the ‘but really this black eyed boy is woobie tho uwu’ so badly and no I’m not buying that give me my refund I want my chaotic neutral bastard back pls. I’d probably be more inclined to want to help him like that. where’s his salt gone, arkane. if you didn’t want him to be edgy why did you make him look like that.  

- this is the lamest possible version of the outsider’s backstory lol, it feels like the pearl clutching panic about satanic cults back in the day all over. listen if it’s this easy to make a god the thrill is sort of taken out of it, if these randos did it anyone could. also how the fuck are they just normal-ish people anyway? why do they follow modern fashions? haven’t they been hanging around for thousands of years, haven’t their culture changed in any meaningful way? (I realize these aren’t the same guys as back in the day but it’s just weird) why do they speak a language billie and the player can understand? why did anyone think ‘idk some cultists no one’s ever heard of before with no thematic significance whatsoever’ was the way to go world building wise? they’ve taken all the unknowable eldritchness out of the eldritch horror and we’re all poorer for it now haha 

relatedly the last level is... just not very good. you come down from the awesome bank heist and then there’s... whatever the fuck this was.

- while I do like billie finding daud in the void and him remembering her I hate that he goes out still full of self loathing and rage when you talk him into the nonlethal option, that he can’t forgive himself or find any sliver of hope or peace. I wish there had been a few more moments for the two of them to come to peace with themselves before he gave the outsider back his name, some real catharsis. as it is I was annoyed when the outsider ‘woke up’ or whatever b/c it felt like he was stealing attention from what I was actually emotionally invested in and not done with.    

they had  n o t  built up billie’s or my sympathy for the outsider well enough either. again this is something I think they could have done if they’d structured things differently, if they’d been more deliberate in making you understand he was basically a child and letting you dwell on it. because there is a parallell there between him and billie, and billie and daud, but I, how do I put this, did not give a fuck  

in short this was really similar to my experience with D2 in that there’s enough good there that it’s all the more painful when it fails to deliver on it again and again, and it ruined things I already liked about this story from the first game (daud’s arc and everything to do with the outsider, mostly). give me some months of denial and hard core headcanon work and I’ll probably be able to live with it

Monthly Media Roundup (April 2019)

April was a bit of a disaster month for me, and as such I didn’t get much of anything finished. Old wounds got reopened, I was sick all month, I had an unavoidably bad birthday, and a lifelong pet died. I didn’t engage with a lot of things, and mostly slept. I did play a lot of Breath of the Wild, but seeing as I didn’t finish that, I’m not including it yet. Here’s the things I did finish:

Games:

Blaster Master Zero (Switch): I actually first bought and finished this two years ago, and since the sequel has come out I decided to replay it with the Shovel Knight DLC character. While I genuinely like this game (I 100%’d it both times), I was not really in a good spot to enjoy this playthrough, and just kinda mindlessly pushed through it for nine consecutive hours, beating it in that single sitting. Playing as a DLC character removes the story, which is fine since they’re intended for replays, though I wonder if it added to my emotional disconnect. SK doesn’t receive fall damage, and so the precariousness of navigating the world outside of the highly-mobile tank doesn’t exist nearly as much, though the trade-off is that SK’s combat abilities in dungeons are hindered by an overall lack of range. The game is still rather easy, though, so I can’t say any particular level cadences or combat scenarios carved their way into my memory.

To the game’s credit, though, the things that are good about it are still good. If you have an attachment to the original NES game, or an interest in retro properties, or just want a nice, breezy platformer, it’s very good. It’s interesting in how it repurposes the altered plot of the US version of the original game (where it was its most popular), including even the plot of the little novelization that came out because Gotta Get Those Video Game Kids to Read Something. It has a fake out ending, and if you 100% the maps it unlocks a final map that is genuinely surreal enough to be the highlight of the game. Despite my sighing, it is a genuinely good time, and I’m very curious to play the new game, somewhat hilariously titled Blaster Master Zero 2.

Anime:

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I chewed through the last four episodes of this so that I could say I finally finished the season. I didn’t watch the post-season recap episode. TenSura (the abbreviation of the Japanese title, which I will use to refer to it because satisfyingly abbreviating the english title is impossible) is not a very good show, but for about half the length of the 24-episode first season, it fascinates due to how it functions at all. TenSura is an isekai show, much like the other isekai shows, where a person dissatisfied with their life is brutally murdered (usually by a truck. USUALLY by a truck) and is reborn in a fantasy world that coincidentally gives them an absurd advantage over other people, allowing them to live out all the decadence they felt they deserved in the real world. If this sounds like the most boring kind of wish fulfillment possible to you, that’s because it is. It’s also extremely popular with consumers. Which is interesting! I think the isekai boom is indicative of how late-stage capitalism everyday people the world over, that we envision or escape to worlds where your efforts actually return appropriate reward. A bonkers concept, to be sure.

In TenSura, the formula doesn’t stray much. The main character is a man in his 30s (?) who has never fucked and gets knifed to death while HEROICALLY saving a coworker from a plot-irrelevant stabber dude who was running down the sidewalk with his knife out for no reason besides Main Character Needs an Inciting Incident Now. It’s actually pretty weirdly violent for the start to a show that is almost entirely light-hearted. Dude dies, his coworker dumps his hard drive in the bath out of respect (lol), and he wakes up in a fantasy world that works on videogame logic, including loot, skill trees, and class upgrades. He is reborn as an adorable slime a la Dragon Quest, but the personality traits he had in his previous life (and I guess his choice of dying words) scan to obscenely convenient passive abilities that ensure he’s not only invincible, but will never stop experiencing exponential power growth. Also he immediately makes friends with a final boss-level dragon and then eats him. That’s how he makes friends in this sometimes.

I’m being very cynical here, but the core narrative loop (and it IS a loop) of the series kept my interest for longer than I expected. Rimuru (the name of the reborn protagonist) goes somewhere he hasn’t been, astonishes the nearby (sometimes violent) inhabitants with his overpowered abilities, makes friends with them, and then improves their lives with community. Goblins, direwolves, orcs, demon lords. It stacks and builds upon itself to absurd degrees but it’s interesting that in a genre loaded with very problematic stories of disenchanted dudes finally getting the underage harem they’ve always wanted (aaaaAAAAAAAAA) that the main concept of this series is improving the lives of others and giving them closure for the ways life has hurt them. Even if. Sometimes that hurt was the main character’s doing? Like Rimuru absolutely decapitates a direwolf leader and then adopts the pack who from then on absolutely LOVE the dude. Also one of Rimuru’s abilities is that if he gives a monster a name, it class upgrades, which is generally and reasonably seen as a life improvement. Though, these class upgrades are almost always decidedly “less-tribal” or outright human, which smacks of some imperialist thinking. It’s also something I’m sure I never questioned in old videogames growing up. Meanwhile, there’s also a bit with a woman who came from Japan during that one really bad war, you know the one, and the closure she’s given as she’s dying is handled with actual delicacy. It’s a weird series! It’s only a shame to me that after most of the first season, there was less to talk about. Sometime after the halfway mark, you realize the show is never going to maintain tension for more than half an episode, that all problems are solvable (yes, even terminally ill children), and that the show isn’t going anywhere you can’t predict. It’s a checklist show, and the plot points are a list of achievements being checked off one episode at a time.

I don’t think I would actually recommend the show to most people, despite how popular it is. It’s not a great show, but it does weird enough things for a while that it generates conversations. Which is honestly pretty okay. It’s a pretty okay show. Also, Rimuru is effectively nonbinary (with he pronouns), and that’s… somethin’! (24 episodes, finished 4/17/19, Crunchyroll (Funimation also now has the dub I think? Clips I saw were pretty weird, Rimuru seemed to be characterized differently.))

Manga:

Nejimaki Kagyu Vol 1: You would think a manga that immediately starts with a reference to Phantom Blood would be, well, at least interesting.

Okay maybe invoking a beloved work doesn’t actually mean anything. I just wanted to share this blatant callback. Nejimaki Kagyu is a seinen manga about a highschool teacher whose tragically cursed to, uh, have all teenage girls fall in love with him. And the highschool-age childhood friend of his who has spent her whole life obsessed with him and learning super martial arts to defend his chastity. Her supers make her clothes explode.

…

I take no joy in this travesty.

Anyway, uh. The biggest tragedy here is that the art is actually really good, though the paneling is regularly squished around to hilarious degree. Let’s look at some pages and then forget this manga exists forever.

That horror face is how I feel the entire series should be portraying itself. The manga has a distinct lack of self-awareness.

The fan translation for this series appears to have dropped off halfway through and hasn’t been picked up for years, and based on reviews I saw on MAL talking about the directionlessness of the later volumes, I wonder if the translator got fed up with the series. Oh well!

Kyou no Asuka Show Vol 1: Oh god damn it I just got done with talking about a series about ogling the youth.

BLEASE STOP

Okay so. Kyou no Asuka Show, or “Today’s Asuka Show” is an older slice of life manga by the same author I mentioned previously who is doing an edutainment series about people working in a condom factory. Innocently-minded women in comedically lewdish situations appears to be his whole bag. I think Asuka is pretty charming, but I also know she’s designed to appeal to my monkey male gaze. Obliviously sexy is very much a mood, and in a more adult context I would be all for it. There have been a few chapters where I find myself at odds with the wisdom the author is attempting to impart, sometimes through Asuka’s father, who works as an adult photographer, and doesn’t want his daughter involved in anything that could cause her to be ogled. Like, that’s already something that requires a lot of unpacking in the modern day. Aforementioned wisdom sometimes takes the form of Asuka doing something stupid and innocent and ripe for objectifying, like wearing a school swimsuit in a rainstorm. Or she’ll work a job as a cute girl courier and inadvertently turn a shut-ins life around. Situations where, if it were in real life, I’d think “wow that’s weird and charming,” but by being a work of intentional authorship, it inherently loses some of that innocence, and becomes something well-meaning but problematic. Is that the second time I’ve used the word “problematic” in this post? Is this 2014?

I may continue reading this, but I really can’t recommend it to most people I know in 2019 without several disclaimers and also without probably getting some side eye. I think it’s worth a couple chapters to feel out what its doing before you decide whether you can siphon the charm from it, or would rather move on to something else.

Me enjoying myself when this manga tries to suddenly get up to some shit.

Blue Period Vol 1: This is the last thing on my list, because I don’t want to expand this list beyond the three mediums I’ve already assigned to it. Also, I actually finished this May 1st, but I wanted to talk about it now.

If I had the power to actually get people to engage with a specific work once per month, Blue Period would easily be the one I pick. That doesn’t mean as much when all the other things I finished this month were conflicted experiences, but I really think everyone would benefit from this series. Or at least anyone with even a passing interest in visual arts.

Blue Period (named for Picasso’s Blue Period) is about a highschool delinquent who has a knack for studying, a safe social life, and no interests in pretty much anything. He’s on the road to do fine in his life, and he doesn’t question it much, but that’s it, until he discovers art and realizes it’s the only way he’s ever been able to truly communicate his feelings. It changes everything about him, for more emotionally satisfying reasons, but also riskier ones. He only has one year of highschool to go to decide what he’s doing with his life, and Japan has a very strict education system. You’re not really allowed to just “get around” to things.

Apologies in advance if you’re tired of me spamming full pages but I really do wanna show this off. This is another series with an educational angle to it, though the emphasis is definitely more rooted in a personal narrative of growth. The explanations of art practice and the functionality of exercises and tools are both very informative and relevant to the characters, never feeling like the story is taking a backseat to explain. The characters are, hilariously, everyone I’ve ever met in an art class. There’s the kid who would rather exclusively draw the things they like, there’s the kid who likes art as a hobby but haaaates being given a project, etc etc. There are students who have an innate grasp on how to draw but haven’t internalized the Why of the exercises, and students who are receptive to the lessons but don’t have the ability to match. The narrative is extremely even-handed towards all of these different levels of skills, and places a lot more importance on why, emotionally, you should totally care about drawing apples and water pitchers for five hours at a time. It’s GREAT and I want to force it on every creative I’ve ever known.

Another thing I appreciate about this series so far is that while there has been something resembling sexual/romantic tension, it’s kind of not like that at all? In the first volume I haven’t been able to pinpoint where a potential relationship subplot would go, if at all. Two possibilities are this girl:

...who is a very likable character but surprisingly doesn’t fit into that box of “standard love interest”. The protag’s interactions with her have been exclusively respectful and admiring, which doesn’t even necessarily imply a romantic subplot, but would be pretty cool if it did? And the other girl:

...who is featured in decidedly more sexual tension-y contexts, is actually TRANS. The manga actually portrays them so uncompromisingly feminine that I didn’t realize they were crossdressing (the term used in the text) until the author’s notes at the end of the volume. I will partially blame this on me being out of it this month, since I just went back to their introduction and yep, they got misgendered and contested it. Given how the character is regularly framed (confident, attractive, skilled, nonstereotypical), I’m… pretty okay with this! If a romance blooms between a delinquent boy and a trans girl, that’s amazing.

I hope y’all understand where I’m coming from in expecting a shoehorned romantic subplot. I’m not hoping for one, I just know the product by now. And if it happens, the options are considerably more interesting than usual.

These are pretty good kids.

Manga licensing is a lot better nowadays than it ever was before, with lots of obscure series being picked up, old series getting re-localized, and translations being better than ever. I really really want this series to get licensed so someone can be compensated for it, and so more people might read it. Until then, I think you should look up the fan work.

---

So that’s all for April. If these posts included live-action movies, I’d have talked about Endgame, but I also don’t want to go spoiling anything for someone who still wants to go see that (it’s probably one of my favorite MCU movies, though). I read most of 1970-71 in Marvel comics, or at least most of the issues on my reading list, but I semi-liveblog about those, so you can just search my “curry reads comics” tag for that. Here’s hoping I have more interesting, more positive things to say about May in a month. I expect to finish Breath of the Wild by then, so I’ll finally talk about that. Thanks for reading, if you made it this far! Go check out Blue Period.

PSY 153: Psychology and the Law (Killing Eve Fic) Chapter 6

AO3 Link Chapter [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Chapter 6: Discussion Forums 

It had become a joke. And then it became a game. And then someone started placing bets. The first few were stupid things. A bag of chips at the bottom of someone’s bag if Dr. Polastri did that thing where she gave Dr. Astankova a condescending look but a brief smile broke through at the end. Trading an aisle seat if they caught Dr. Astankova’s eyes flicker to Dr. Polastri’s ass as she came in the door.

And then it was more than that. A little bit of money exchanged hands if the door was locked during office hours. Or if the two of them left class right together. Or...the list went on.

Then there were a couple longer term ones that they were waiting on. If someone were to catch them kissing by the end of the term. If one of the two professors slipped and said “babe” or “honey”. If another faculty member confirmed it. A big payout if they were found to be sleeping with each other. And of course, the simplest one - if someone got the courage to actually ask them. Which everyone knew was probably the reasonable thing to do, but they were a couple of intimidating people to talk to, even if it was simply about classwork.

As vibrant as Dr. Astankova was, she was also striking and somewhat difficult to communicate with. She was gorgeous and tall, even before the high heels that she tended to wear most days. She towered over a lot of students, which was intimidating in and of itself, but she was also the type of person who just had the air of towering over people. Her accent was Russian, which for students who weren’t familiar with her made everything she said somewhat harsh. She had a tendency to break into brief spurts of Russian when she felt the need to make a particularly strong point and that was a bit overwhelming for even the most confident of the students. She was brusque when she was bored or didn’t like the subject matter and wasn’t always good about keeping with the idea of “there are no stupid questions”. On the other hand, she could get far too excited about things and she was sometimes hard to keep up with. She spoke too fast and her ideas didn’t always follow in a logical pattern. She wasn’t someone whose reactions were always entirely predictable.

Dr. Polastri was equally intimidating, but in her own way. She looked eternally exhausted and frazzled, like someone who didn’t have a moment of free time and could snap at any moment. Her past career was somewhat haunting, too. The idea of someone who could look cold blooded killers in the eye without blinking was a little bit terrifying. Supposedly, she’d refused police protection at the time, despite threats on her life, and the thought of coming to someone like that with such trivial problems as homework issues or relationship questions seemed a bit...frivolous. She’d glare. Or stare blankly as if their question wasn’t even worth a response. Because it probably wasn’t. It was juvenile foolishness.  

So no one asked. They just wondered and gossiped and tossed a bit of money back and forth.

——-

“Oh my god,” Oksana shouted from the bedroom, “They’re taking bets!”

“What are you talking about?” Eve asked, wandering in from the kitchen holding an apple. “Who is? Bets on what?”

Oksana was sitting on the bed with her laptop, looking like she was about to burst into laughter at any moment.

“The student! You know that discussion forum website? Not the school’s one, but the outside one that most of them use for trading notes and stuff.”

“Yeah,” Eve said, coming to sit next to Oksana and peer over her shoulder while she munched on her apple.

“I found the page for our class. And it’s mostly normal stuff, Could I get someone’s notes from Monday? What chapters does the quiz tomorrow cover?, whatever. But there’s this one thread where they’re just debating if we’re in a relationship.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. Look.”

Oksana wasn’t even slightly exaggerating. “That’s ridiculous,” Eve said, setting the apple on the bedside table and reaching out to scroll through the comments.

“I know. Look at that one. They want us to kiss.”

“Why?”

Oksana grinned and kissed Eve’s cheek. “Because we’re an enchanting couple.”

“I know we are, but why do they care?”

“Who knows. They’re bored. Whatever.” Oksana shrugged. “But we need to get in on this, we could make some good money. I propose that we ‘get caught’ making out in the classroom before class starts as people start trickling in.”

“Don’t be a child.”

Oksana gave her a cheeky smile. “Come on, don’t you want a scandal?”

“Not really.”

“I want a scandal.”

Eve snorted. “You just like attention.”

“Yes. And I like you.”

Eve rolled her eyes and returned to the computer. “Okay, what in the world is this? One of these kids is claiming that they caught me run my hand down your back in class.”

“When did they see that?”

“They didn’t see that, that never happened. I genuinely have no idea what they’re talking about.”

“These kids need to get a life.”

Oksana was cackling. “Yeah, I don’t think they have lives. Look at this. I know I shouldn’t be this obsessed. But they remind me of this couple on TV that I just adore. And the show is on hiatus so I need something to distract me.”

Eve rested her chin on Oksana’s shoulder. “What show are they talking about?”

“I don’t know, but they’re right. We are a positively adorable couple. And you know what actress I think you look like.”

“Shut up.”

“She’s hot.”

“I know you think that.”

“But obviously you’re hotter.”

“Shut up.” Eve was blushing bright red and refused to look at Oksana. Oksana grinned and pulled her onto her lap. She looped an arm around Eve’s waist, holding her tight against her as she continued scrolling.

“Wait!”

Eve reached back to clap a hand over Oksana’s mouth. “Babe, you’re shouting in my ear.”

Oksana ignored her and continued talking through her fingers, “They’re talking about that psychopathic assassin show that’s supposed to be really gay. See, they think you look like her too. I told you we needed to watch that.”

“Netflix and chill?”

“I actually want to watch it.”

Eve laughed and closed the laptop, pushing it the side of the bed. She flopped back against the pillows and draped her legs across Oksana’s lap. Oksana began massaging slow circles on Eve’s legs while she mulled things over.

“Maybe we should tease them,” she suggested. “You could ‘accidentally’ call me babe in front of the class. And then look mortified and stumble over an explanation. Or maybe even better just act like you didn’t even notice it because you call me babe alllll the time. Because you lovvvve me.”

Eve gave her a look. “I am not calling you babe in front of an entire class of college students.”

“It would make me feel loved,” Oksana said with a cheeky grin.

“I already make you feel loved.”

“Yes, but it would make me feel even more loved.”

“Oksana, we have done our best to maintain a professional front for years.”

“Well, judging by this extensive forum we are no longer really succeeding.”

Eve sighed. “That doesn’t mean we need to flaunt our relationship. Decorum. Professionalism. Not that that’s something you’re necessarily familiar with.”

Oksana grinned and struck a pose. It was the first day of spring and she had decided to celebrate it by wearing the fluffiest, twirliest, brightest pink dress she could have ever possibly found in a size for a grown woman. And she’d been wearing it since class that morning. It was classic Oksana. Eve had worn a gray pantsuit, one of her many gray pantsuits.

Eve looked frustrated and slightly worn out. Oksana dropped her perkiness level down a few notches leaned in toward her, tightening her fingers around Eve’s hand. “I know, I’m mostly just teasing. I have a certain reputation for being a bit...out there and wild. And that’s not what you’re going for in your academic career and that’s okay. No one there really talks about relationships or personal lives or anything like that, most especially not in front of students and I have no issue breaking those wall but that’s not your thing. I get that. And it’s fine. I’m not pushing you. I’m happy with what we have.”

Eve seemed to relax and she finally smiled. “Thank you, Oksana.”

“Of course, baby.” Eve grabbed her chin and pulled her in for a kiss. “However, I am going to keep dressing in dramatic and fashionable ways and making occasional wild comments about my personal life. I just won’t involve you in any identifiable way.”

Eve laughed. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

Si-Fe-Ti-Ne or Ne-Fi-Te-Si? (non- stereotypical)

Hey mods! 

I would like to ask an unusual question.

Could you please help me to determine if someone is an enfp or an isfj? I am astonishingly lost.  Both personalities are perceiving dominants, so they prefer to collect information, and are therefore not quickly to judge or form long term decisions fast. Both are feelers, so they judge by a value system first. They both have F/T in the middle of their stack, so they back up their feelings with logic and switch between both easily and fast. 

They both use Ne, so their ideas are multi-focused not single focused like Ni. They both use Si so their memories are self referencing and smells, touches, sounds, remind them of personal times.  If the person is not well balanced they might get into a grip, so the isfj will act like Ne, and the enfp will act like a Si. But if they are balanced they won’t show the typical stereotypical behavior of their inferior function Ne/Si. 

Looping they have SiTi and NeTe, which are different, one is extroverted and the other introverted, but both have a perceiving and a detached function operating, one would be more focused on understanding systems and the other on creating, but how can you know if the person is looping or if they are just using their entire stack?

To me those are the two more similar types and I just can’t determine which one fits accurately.  I do know that Te is different than Ti and Fe is different than Fi, but together Fi/Te and Fe/Ti they seem the same somehow. I have read extensively about each function and each function in characters, but an isfj and a enfp both healthy are too similar in my mind.

Could you please contrast a 2w1 6w7 1w9 so/sx isfj and a 2w1 6w7 1w9 so/sx enfp? ( I know enneagram is not something we should use to compare types, but otherwise they would be too different)

I appreciate the help. I know it doesn’t make sense to mix the both of them up, but I am just stuck in it.  Thanks.

ENFPs and ISFJs are really… not alike. At all. Their blind spots are way different. Even when healthy, you’re going to see the areas in which they make consistent mistakes and cause conflict with others.

In a nutshell, an ENFP reacts quickly in the moment, needing no down time to respond to things going on in their environment. They can come up with things on the fly, they have no trouble adjusting their plans at the last second (may even do so voluntarily), and they have excellent short-term foresight. By that, I mean their Ne/Te can see how doing THIS will play out and resolve THAT PROBLEM within a relatively short amount of time. Nip it right in the bud. And because they’re a high Intuitive, presuming they are healthy, it works, because the idea is “good.” The area in their life, however, that causes them the most frustration, anxiety, and even conflict lies with… Si. Details. They’re dreadful at it. Things like remembering people’s names, remembering details of things they have created, retaining information and, above all, route learning (so as to become an expert, and not just a “fill in the blanks and hope for the best” person) is hard for them. Where will they screw up at work? Details. Where will they screw up with friends? Details. What’s the biggest source of their frustration? Details. Their biggest single problem is rushing to implement their new ideas, without stopping to consider the plausibility or work involved – in other words, the details necessary to make it work.

Details are what the ISFJ excels at. No problem. They know how to memorize and learn. More than that, they have the patience to learn things properly. To spend hours and hours practicing their technique and honing their skills. It’s the difference between a Ne-dom who says, “I want to become an expert pianist,” and buys a keyboard, but finds the basic books they have to practice with boring and gives up after two weeks because they haven’t become an expert overnight (unrealistic Ne-dom expectation, accompanied by grand dreams of playing in front of a massive crowd and being marveled at), and the patient Si-dom who starts out with the beginner book, masters that, moves on to the next book, masters that, moves on to the next, masters that… and winds up a flawless pianist, because they did it right. They followed the tried-and-true method they knew would lead to success, if you followed each step. And they did each step. Over and over, until it comes second nature to them.

The Ne-dom has trouble finding the patience for that. An ENFP will only do it if it’s absolute what their Fi values and desires – if their lifelong dream is to become a pianist, they will learn, force themselves to take the “slow path” (unlike the speed train they’re usually on); but in general, slow and steady brings success route does not come naturally to them. So, they’ll be an expert, detailed pianist… and in all the rest of their life, back to half-assed fast.

No, where the ISFJ fails is in abstract concepts. Seeing what is possible with a positive attitude, and believing it can and will happen; being excited for it (instead of fearful). Inferior Ne misreads situations – badly. It attributes the wrong motives to things, because it’s out of touch with the environment. That “see the problem coming and head it off” that Ne/Te is so good at, inferior Ne can’t do. You will see the difference, because strong Ne resolves issues in the present and near future skillfully, whereas a low Ne’s hasty impulsive “fix” may worsen the problem and/or underestimate the severity of it. High Ne is better at accurately evaluating genuine threats; low Ne may choose the wrong threat to focus on, and miss the actual one, because of Si/Ne’s tendency to build toward something, rather than Ne/Si’s tendency to be “drifting” in possibilities.

And, of course, FiTe and FeTi’s methods differ. FiTe never mirrors people’s feelings and does not engage in messing with people for fun; sooner or later, you are going to see tert-Te come out and shove people out of the way to get something done, with an attitude of “either help or move.” FeTi does mirror people’s feelings, with the result that the FeTi can lose a sense of their own feelings and what they want, while being better at reading other people’s needs. Fe will try persuasion and organizing others to accomplish, at times (not always, sometimes ISFJs want to be left alone to work), but it’s focus is always on what others want, need, and how they’re feeling. Fi’s focus is always on being “true to myself” (but with a healthy Fi, “but also kind to YOU”).

A 2 fix isn’t going to magically make a Fi able to mirror people; they will simply do kind things for others, using their Te to accomplish it, and crave love. Think about Arwen in The Lord of the Rings. As a Fi, she wanted to keep social harmony with her loved ones. She tried to please her father by leaving Middle-earth – and then returned, because it wasn’t true to herself, to her Fi, to what she wanted. Despite being devoted to Aragorn, and a “helper” (2) who motivated, encouraged, and pushed him to be all he could be, she still felt a strong need to be true to herself. She helped, but it was what SHE thought he needed (Fi detachment from Other). Compare that to a 2 Fe, who will ACTUALLY FEEL what people need, and use that to give it to them.

Margaery Tyrell in Game of Thrones is a core 2 and a Fe. She knows what and how to appeal to others, how to seduce them, make them like her, how to smooth things over with them. It’s all about being whatever they need her to be, and in so doing, advancing her own cause (to become queen). But it’s still instant and fully aware of what they want; no guessing.

A 6 anywhere in a stack will make an intuitive more risk-prone than the stereotypes for their type; it will bring out more of a tendency to play it safe and even stay home / not go wandering in an ENFP, but their Si will STILL be awful. 6 doesn’t repair the speed train. They will still make it all up as they go along, and have unrealistic expectations for themselves, and make mistakes based in not thinking through the details. The 6 and Si-dom is pretty much stereotypical 6. Worst-case scenario prone. Risk-adverse. A fear of the unknown. But they will still be good at everything the ENFP isn’t, namely… details. Learning. And repeat, repeat, repeat to reach perfection. A 9 fix will further make the ENFP want to “suppress” their Fi, to get along; make them shut up to be liked and avoid conflict, but there will still be bursts of tert-Te bossiness and bluntness (control freak, and over-using Te, poorly – like a bull in a china shop) you’ll never find in an ISFJ.

Their flaws: the ENFP moves too fast, because they didn’t stop to collect details and everything they needed before they speculated; the ISFJ processes things more slowly and sometimes misses out, because it took them longer to reach a (more detail-accurate) conclusion than the ENFP (but the ENFP’s Ne might have been bang on, it’s just a vague / half-constructed argument).

- ENFP Mod

Victims With Numbers

Fandom: Nanbaka/Corpse Party (crossover) Genre: Horror Characters: Hajime Sugoroku, Samon Gokuu, Kiji Mitsuba, Kenshirou Yozakura, Jyugo, Uno, Nico, Rock, Tsukumo, Liang, Upa, Qi, Honey, Trois, Musashi, Sachiko Shinozaki, Ryou Yoshizawa, Yuki Kanno, Tokiko Tsuji, some OCs to take the role of Kizami later on instead of actual Kizami Includes major character death. Chapter 1 of ?

In which, following an evening telling ghost stories to their fellow inmates, the inmates and guards find themselves in one surreal nightmare, with no certainty that they’ll get out of this alive.

Also available on Blogspot

"Have you ever heard the story of Heavenly Host Elementary School? They say a lot of awful things happened there. Loads of crimes and sudden deaths. See, it was believed by some that this school was haunted, and all the assaults, break-ins, suicides and the rest were caused by the angry ghosts that were still at the school, and as more and more happened there, the haunting got worse.

They say it all started with this one event, back in the 50's, where a member of staff lost her footing at a flight of stairs and died. On the same day, her daughter mysteriously went missing, and nobody knew what happened. Legend says that the teacher was looking for her missing daughter, and attacking the children at the school because they were her daughter's age and if she couldn't have her own child back, then she would try to fill the void with replacements. None of the replacements were her own daughter, though, so none of them were good enough. After the last killing, where the Principal's own son murdered four children in the basement of the school, the heartbroken principal threw himself from the school's roof, unable to cope with what his precious school had become, and what his precious son had done. The school was closed, and torn down, but they say that plot of land is still haunted by that teacher, and by all those who died within its walls."

The inmates were sat in a circle in Building 13's game room, the lights off around them. The only light came from a torch held in Tsukumo's hand, gracefully lent to him by one of the guards for this exact purpose. The others watched him as he told his story, and from what he could see in the darkness, they didn't look too impressed. It was daytime, but not a lot of light was coming through the windows, because of a storm, for which he was mildly grateful.

"That's awful." Uno said quietly, thinking about the death in Tsukumo's story.

"Yeah, and not at all scary, for a ghost story." Honey agreed, though his 'awful' was more Tsukumo's story telling skills than the contents themselves.

"Now, now, it wasn't that bad." Trois said, reaching for the torch. "It could have done with more details, though. I know a few good gore stories that are really scary."

"I thought that one was scary enough." Uno again, still in a quiet voice. Trois ignored him, commencing his own tale of woe and misery.

"Once, in a quiet, sleepy village just south of-"

He was cut off by the lights turning on, the sudden brightness burning everyone's eyes. "Story time's over," Hajime told them sternly. "Back to your cells." Of course, this led to the standard complaints that rose from the idiots every time they were told playtime was over. They really were just a bunch of bratty kids at the best of times, and he really didn't enjoy trying to silence their complaints peacefully. Of course, if he lashed out or made threats, then he'd have to deal with the resulting headaches that were Kiji, Samon and Kenshirou, which he was never really in the mood for either. Most of the brats were pleading for 'just one more story' or 'just another hour' (aside from the two crybabies who were actually scared of the ghost stories), but there was no way they were getting granted that. Did they even realise how little time there was until dinner, and then lock-up? Probably not.

By the time they'd finally shut up, with only minimal threatening this time, and were heading over to their supervisors, Hajime could feel one hell of a stomach ache coming on. At least they were agreeing to head back to their cells now, he thought as he turned to lead them to the door...

Just in time to see it slam shut. Which was unusual.

"What the hell?" Snapped the monkey, first to go examine the door and try to get it open. It wouldn't budge. Hajime shoved him aside roughly and tried himself, again to no avail. Weird.

"Perhaps there's a lockdown procedure active." Kiji mused from behind them. "But if it were a drill or practice, or a test of the doors, we'd be aware of that, or at the very least, the building supervisor would be."

"No drills, practices or tests are scheduled for today." Hajime muttered.

"And no siren is going off either. It doesn't seem to be a genuine emergency lockdown."

"What's wrong?" Asked Jyugo from behind in a bored tone. "You locked us in? How did you even manage that?"

"I didn't-" The supervisor was cut off when the whole room started to shake. An earthquake?

"Everyone get to cover!" Kiji called out, immediately moving to guide his inmates somewhere safe, the other guards doing the same. Pretty soon, they were huddled down next to or under the furniture around the room, away from the windows, which began to crack. The lights flickered and went out as one of them fell, shattering just inches from the feet of one of Building 5's residents. The rocking seemed to carry on for an age, and in the sudden darkness, the walls around them seemed to warp unstably, until it finally came to a stop and everyone felt like they could breathe again.

"Everyone stay where you are." Commanded a voice as someone moved to stand. Kenshirou. "Be careful, there's broken glass on the floor." The next thing he said was directed into his radio. "Security and Surveillance, do we have any information on that quake? Any damage to the prison? Is anyone injured?" No response. "Is anyone reading this transmission? We cannot get the door to Building 13's game room open, is it possible something was damaged in a mini-quake or pre-tremor?" Nothing. Maybe a little static.

And then, Kenshirou felt like he was falling, like the ground beneath him had just...disappeared. Looking down, he saw nothing but darkness, and the screams from around him told him the others were falling as well.

~*~*~*~

Honey groaned as he came to. He had no idea how long he'd been out for, but it must have been a while. He felt groggy and sore, and his mouth was dry, with that nasty cottony feel he would always get after he'd passed out from drinking too much. Plus, last he remembered, he was in that stupid game room listening to those stupid ghost stories. That room had a carpet. He was lying on something hard, and dusty, and that smelled old and musty and uncleaned. Gross. With a shiver running down his spine, he opened his eyes and pushed himself upright. The movement sent pain shooting through his left ankle, and he grimaced before trying to get a good look at his surroundings.

The room was dark, the lights off, or broken. He could see desks and chairs around him, and the floor looked like hardwood. The walls looked wooden as well. It didn't look like healthy wood, either. He reached for the nearest desk and pulled himself up, thankful it was sturdy enough to support his weight. Now stood, he could see the two doors on either end of the room, the cabinets, the chalk board and smaller notice board, and across the opposite wall to the doors, the windows. It was still dark and still raining outside. It was clearly an education room, like the one in Building 3, but ugly and uncared for. If such a place was within Nanba Prison, it couldn't have been used in years, and couldn't possibly have been in the lovely Building 3. Besides, the chairs looked like they were designed for little kids!

Honey used the desks for support as he hobbled over to the windows. His ankle really hurt. It must have been sprained, or worse, from the fall. That was right, he had fallen! Was this place underground in Building 13? It didn't seem like it would fit there at all...and when he finally got to the window, all he saw beyond the building was rain and...was that a forest? There wasn't a forest around the prison, it was on an island. Sure, there were some trees on the island, but certainly not this many. It was the thickest forest he had ever seen, and it seemed to stretch as far as the eye could see. It was like he wasn't even in prison any more.

Perhaps he wasn't. Perhaps the earthquake had caused so much damage he'd been evacuated while unconscious. But why would they be evacuated to a run down old schoolhouse? That didn't make sense. So where the hell was he? He turned, reaching for the row of desks closest to his injured leg to help him get to the door, and as he made his way across the room, he saw something on the floor beyond the desks. Something big, in a heap by the teacher's podium. It looked like a man. In fact, it looked like-

"Trois!" It was Trois. He was sure of it, though he couldn't see his face. He was unconscious, sprawled unattractively across the grimy, dusty floor. Honey pulled himself up onto the desk, deciding to climb over to reach his cellmate. He halted when the ground beneath him gave an unholy creak. Figuring it wouldn't support his weight long enough for him to climb over, he backed off and instead tried to hurry to the door at the back of the classroom. Trois was at the front, so all he had to do was loop around the hall to the front. Pushing the desks was probably out when he couldn't properly put weight on his foot. As it was, he didn't enjoy having to lean so heavily on the wall to get around once there were no more desks to hang onto.

The hallway itself was in just as much disrepair as the classroom. Parts of the floor had fallen out, and it smelled disgusting. There clearly hadn't been a janitor working here in years. A particularly rancid smell was emanating from a bucket against the opposite wall. It reminded him vaguely of a stairwell near a parking lot in the town where he grew up. Drunks and homeless people would normally piss in the stairwell and it always reeked. At least the lights here seemed to work a bit better. They were dim, but on. Still, the place wasn't much to look at, and all the flyers along the wall were torn and grubby. Everything here was either damaged or coated in filth, it seemed.

When he got to Trois (taking a little bit longer than he would have liked), he carefully got down on his knees beside him and tapped his shoulders. He didn't shake him, just in case the fall had badly injured him, because there was no way he was supporting him or helping him with an injury, which was undoubtedly what Trois would try and guilt him into doing if his actions made any injuries worse. "Trois! Trois, wake up! Can you hear me?"

"Hnn...Honey, please, not so loud..." Good. He was alive, at least. Forgoing his previous gentleness for at least a moment, Honey pulled his cellmate upright.

"Get up. Something's happened, I have no idea where we are."

Trois spared him a look before pausing to take in his surroundings. He quickly arrived at a conclusion. "This doesn't look like it's any part of Nanba Prison." He mused, getting to his feet and dusting himself off. Honey coughed as some of the dust was brushed his way and glared at Trois as he walked to the nearest window and tried to open it. "Hmm. Doesn't budge. Perhaps it's not designed to open, but there has to be at least one working window in the building, as per building code. We need to figure out where we are before anything else. See if we can find a map as well, clues to the exact area around us and see if we can make any contact with anyone outside. It's clear we're not at Nanba any more, which raises the question of how we got here." He walked back and examined the chalk board. It had something written in the top right corner, 'day duty' and a name, but that was it. The notice board had a single yellowed flyer on it. "It's written in kanji." Trois stated, glancing to Honey, who was still sat on the floor. "I can't understand all of it, my understanding of the letters isn't perfect, and I think I'm misreading this bit here."

"Which bit?" Asked Honey, pulling himself to his feet with the aid of a chair.

"This bit." He repeated, jabbing his finger at the flyer's title. "I'm reading it as 'Heavenly Host Elementary School Newsletter to Faculty and Students', but that's the name of the school from Tsukumo's ghost story. He specifically said that school was torn down, if it even existed in the first place."

Honey read over the newsletter himself. "No, you're right, it says Heavenly Host. It's dated back to the 80's though, so it's pretty old." His eyes trailed down the rest of the newsletter. "It's a warning about kidnappings and staying safe. Just, 'due to recent kidnappings, caution is advised. Each victim was taken suddenly and without warning'. You think this is a set up for some kind of joke?"

"Quite a dramatic one if so. I think we ought to head for the exit, but I wouldn't recommend braving the forest quite yet."

"At least not until that storm dies down a little." Honey agreed. Trois nodded, and the two began to set out, only for another earthquake to send Honey stumbling to the ground. It was, thankfully, quite short, but he couldn't help letting a moan of pain escape him. His ankle was in pretty bad shape, by the looks of things.

"Are you okay?" He looked up and saw his cellmate offering him a hand. He took it but needed a bit more support to get up.

"Ankle's sprained." He admitted grudgingly.

"Well then, put your arm around my shoulders. I'll support you. It'll be easier and faster than leaving you here as a dead weight."

Honey gave a hum of agreement, for once not in the mood to argue, and the two set off out of the classroom.

OUAT 1X13 - Whatever Happened to Frederick?

Hi! Hope you’re having a good day! Want to hear me yammer on about this episode for three pages? 

Sure you do! Right under the cut!

Press Release With their love for each other growing stronger, David finally agrees to tell Kathryn about his relationship with Mary Margaret and put an end to his loveless marriage. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, while runaway groom Prince Charming searches for Snow White, he agrees to aid Abigail on a dangerous mission to recover something precious that was lost to her. General Thoughts Past The story in the past works, but I felt that for all the screentime Charming go, his character got very little out of it, for the story refused to engage with the conflict he was given. Snow rejected him, and while he feels sad and hurt, we don’t get a sense of what that action was driving him to do. He left Abigail, but what was he planning on doing next? What did this adventure do to re-route his journey so he’d go back to Snow? Look at “7:15AM’s” flashback: Snow is intending on going back to Charming, but a threat makes her ward off. Here, we have the event that changes, but because we don’t know what his plan was, there’s a loss of balance here. It’s not the most important thing, but for the big moment at the end of the flashback being that Charming will keep fighting for Snow, the contrast to what he was going to do should be wide and because this was undefined, the big moment doesn’t hit home with quite the same force.

I wish the siren would have preyed more on Charming, rather than just asking the audience to believe that Charming’s resolve would plummet so much based off of just seeing her and saying a line or two. While he does fight, I get the sense that we’re supposed to be seeing Charming, on the edge of despair, possibly giving in to something he knows is a lie because he has nothing to live for. However, Charming’s desperation wasn’t built up enough earlier on for that payoff to work. Present I like how we see how even though Emma has arrived and things have drastically improved, Regina’s curse is still very much intact. Everyone is still in this loop of misery, most notably the main players. The storytelling here - while a sad story - is still solidly told, apart from a nitpick or two that I touch upon in my “Insights” regarding Regina and Kathryn. David is still less sympathetic, but for the first time, I get the sense that I’m supposed to believe that because the episode is about him making a wrong choice and feeling the consequences of it. And Mary Margaret is so strong here. She is at once both a hero and a victim. She has the good sense to tell David the right thing to do, hold to her values, even as she’s being attacked, and let David go when he lied to her. At the same time, she received the harshest of blows and it was so sad to see her friends turn on her, and that acts as perfect build up for the next episode. Insights -Unpopular opinion time right off the bat: Holy fuck. Abigail gets the hardest freakin’ time from this fandom (More the GA, but still)! She’s done all of nothing in terms of evil shit and was rude for maybe a full minute of screen time at most! AND we know that she’s grieving! I bet when she’s not grieving, that wit becomes sass the likes of which at least match out other leading ladies and would be adored for it! All the love, Abby! All the love! -Kathryn’s putting in so much effort and is treating herself by following her dreams! You go, sweetie! <3 -Charming, did you hear that “despot’s” speech about how this marriage is going to save a fuckton of people? Like, I know King George is a baddie and his actions totally follow suit, but when I think about that speech and his motivation, I just can’t help but think of everyone who would suffer if Charming just ran off with Snow. Sure, they get the kingdoms anyhow, but he hasn’t thought that far right now! All I’m asking for is just some acknowledgements of his points. -Going back to positivity, I love the way Charming looks at Abigail as she says, “how charming.” He’s like, “that’s my name, don’t wear it out!” -That hat looks so cute on Mary Margaret! Season 1 was just the season of cute hats in Storybrooke (Sans Moe) -”I don’t know if I can.” David, work with me here! I’m trying to like you, here, but you’re not makit it easy! Thank God Mary Margaret is having none of it and is being the kindest version of blunt as fuck here. She’s such a boss! I gotta say, I’m going to miss this more practical side of her once the curse breaks. -August trying to subtly not make this a date is cracking me up! He’s like, “I say you in diapers. Let’s not go there.” But if he wants to talk to be understood, he’s got to pretend to want to show her his wood! XD -I’m reminded of something from TV Tropes: Charming asks Abigail if she’s tried True Love’s Kiss with the same casualness as he would ask about trying chicken noodle soup for a cold! XD -Even before “The Return” airs, we see these little fakeout bits of August’s personality in his physical mannerisms as he handles the pages of the book. He’s meticulous, and of course, that’s so close to Rumple, but it’s like Gepetto, too! - I actually paused as August was adding to the book, but the story bits didn’t look familiar. -I know Regina gets flak for trying to replace Henry’s book with video games (And I won’t pretend that it’s undeserved, circumstances are circumstances, after all), but I think that it’s also a nice gesture to see her trying to give Henry something that relates to his desires for heroism. It shows how on some level, she knows him (Although go on Wikipedia and look up a little company named Nintendo, Gina, kay?) and she wants to take a genuine step towards his happiness in a way that doesn’t endanger her curse. That said, the genre’s all wrong! Come on, Gina! Fantasy and Sci-Fi are two different things (Then again, considering season 2, I can’t blame you for blurring the lines) XD -Regina, what did you expect would happen when you told Kathryn the truth that way? Had you told her earlier, of course she’d be on your side, but right now? No, and why would she? I’m not sure if this scene was written to show that Regina is bad at friendship or that she was trying to steer Kathryn in Mary Margaret’s direction, but either way, this was a weird writing choice! Why not just have her break the news in the first place? And along those lines, why say she buried them if they were just in her office. Saying that she’d never use them would’ve made so much more sense! -Is it just me, or is Charming super cynical and dark in this episode? Like REALLY cynical! I guess i can interpret it as a reaction to Snow’s rejection. -”If you don’t, I will.” Granny, you are too adorable! -Wow, Charming, you have NO resolve! She literally transformed to Snow before your eyes. ...Never mind! -Really? Charming was the first to not give in? Your schtick seems pretty easy to beat. The warriors of the Enchanted Forest must SUCK! -I feel like Kathryn’s apology would’ve come across as so much better if we saw just a little bit more of them together as friends. -Awwww! Swan Believer cuteness!!! That is one excellent surprise tactic on your part, Emma - taking it out juuuuust as Henry’s not looking! I love it! -”I hope you’re right, kid.” That’s a profoundly sad line. Some of the optimism Emma’s been building up has been tarnished over those last few episodes after the Town Hall incident -I love that little smile Red gives as Charming tells her he’ll find Snow. He’s definitely won her approval! -Warrior King George! I really wish he showed up more, the more I watch him! Arcs David and Mary Margaret finding each other - I really didn’t have a problem with the writing of this part of the episode. David comes off as such a shitty person, but he gets the consequences of that behavior and it works really well. Snow and Charming finding each other - There’s a sting to Charming throughout the episode from Snow’s rejection back in the “7:15” flashback, and while that makes sense from a character standpoint, it’s a little confusing from a point of conflict. Charming has all the darkness of someone who is giving up on love (Or at least feels the pain of unrequited love), but he’s still just as strong in his efforts to find Snow as he was before she rejected him. There’s a weird dissonance in that respect. At the end of the flashback, Charming going after Snow is supposed to be this big and epic decision, but I never believed that he was actually stopping his pursuit of her. The Mystery of August Booth - We see the payoff of August having the book, and his mystery develops as we now want to know not only what he added to the book, but why it was added. Kathryn Nolan Abduction Arc - We’ve started here! Gold, you little shit! Don’t abduct people! Favorite Dynamic Emma and August. Their dynamic made me smile so hard and it was a relief in a very negative episode. Once again, their banter is like watching two master swordsman spar. August always knows just what questions to answer and just what quips to make to get Emma to go along with his schemes. Meanwhile, Emma learns more about August with every word spoken to her and uses his as well as her own lines of logic to learn more about him. It makes for something really fun to watch. August’s use of language is...not exactly flowery (I’d reserve that word for Rumple and Killian), but at the same time, there’s this weary wisdom to it with a touch of pomp and circumstance. But at the same time, Emma’s lines don’t come off as static or boring because she builds off of what he says in her own way. Writer We’ve got David Goodman at bat once again! So, I noticed a pattern, In both “The Price of Gold” and “True North,” I discussed the lack of strength in the story coming from one character in the past. And once again, as I’ve said earlier, I find the writing for Charming a little lacking in the past. We see bitterness, but it’s directionless bitterness without a point of contrast, and that’s really sucky. That said, his work in the present is very solid. The stories are told simply and well with moments to establish character and conflict. Rating 8/10. This was a really unpleasant episode to watch, for some pretty obvious reasons. Watching people be harsh with each other is never appealing and there’s little charm in this story where one can take a breather, apart from Emma and August’s scenes and Emma and Henry’s scenes. It’s also a little boring at times. That said, is it bad? Well, no. Unpleasantness doesn’t necessitate badness. Mary Margaret and Abigail/Kathryn come off as amazingly sympathetic and the fallout for David’s bad choice is so strongly shown. However, my problem lies in the past, as I stated before, and I know it may not be a big point for you, reader, but for me, this is like watching “Dumbo” and never being shown Dumbo’s mom being taken away: A crucial piece of the story is missing. ()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Thank you all for reading and to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales for putting this project together! Come back next time to see whether or not that episode is a dream come true! Season Tally (109/220) Writer Tally for Season 1: A&E (31/70) Liz Tigelaar (17/20)* David Goodman (24/50) Jane Espenson (26/60) Andrew Chambliss and Ian Goldberg (19/40) Daniel Thomsen (8/10)* (* = Their work for the season is complete)

Operation Rewatch Archives

#personal

According to my watch, I walked about seven miles yesterday. Nineteen minute miles at one point. Every time I check my watch and see my heart rate I do actually think about Sator from Tenet. I haven't run outside since maybe last summer. I haven't felt safe. But I lowered my pace to about eight minutes and thirty seconds back then. Yesterday I walked the length of the river to the lake all the way down to the south to the auto show. I don't own a car. I don't even possess a valid license at the moment. Considering the ACLU is suing the Chicago police department for monitoring social media, this should be all old news at this point. I do like design. One of the first booths I gravitated too was Kia's new logo. Maybe it was the summer sale's event that drew me. But either way, I got a pretty sick backpack from the presenters at the booth just by walking up. Shared my thoughts on the limited edition Sorrento Zion edition. Couldn't help being caught by the Matrix references. I continue to do things alone in this city for my own reasons. These reasons get a little more concrete as the days out here wear on. I realized that after a year of being ghosted maybe it was better off. And yet I'm still aware of the sticky social glue that seeps from the cracks of this city like grease. Grease is everywhere. I have my own routine to deal with it. Retinol works wonders. But the grease of pushing things through while covering up huge plot holes is ever present in this city. There's so much of it that you could be minding your own business and completely sucked in. I took the bus back. I've always been a fan of the transit. You can't really live in Chicago without it. I've owned a car here and do not miss the constant street cleaning tickets. One morning I woke up to my Volkswagen totaled outside my apartment. The insurance covered the repairs but I no longer own that car. There's a lot of things I no longer own and never really look back on seriously. But when it comes to being me, I've become fairly comfortable owning that situation. Part of going to the auto show was more perception based. Everybody watches what I do and yet there isn't much going on in my life that you can really see. I am getting extremely restless about life simultaneously winking at me from the void. Nothing really changes even when it does. And isolation can do this to you. Lack of validation can do that too. Lack of any sort of love. Piece meal validation is often worse. It triggers desperate, attention seeking behavior. Slimy, greasy tricks I've become bored with are easy enough to avoid. Except when you go out in public. And seven miles is more than most people spend walking prone in public. Long enough to organize an entire parade around somebody. All the while making it about them at my expense.

What I've realized over time is that people have their ideas about you and they are haphazard and fleeting. People say they know me. People think they know me. I haven't spoken to anyone in any depth in years. Year after year, I get that little nod in the street that somebody knows what I'm feeling. Not an admission. Nothing you can rely on. It's just the culture you think to yourself. And you keep feeding into this culture of "we're all in this together." You realize a year later that you are in this for the most part alone. The people you involve into something far too complex to explain to people want to use it as a springboard to talk about themselves. This can be the same for a journal you maintain weekly on the internet. What have we really learned about Tim at this point that doesn't set me apart from mediocrity? Apparently nothing. I've been beaten up, broken and bruised by an incredibly vague and almost scary con game. The con game is the same we're all dealing with. A society that speaks one thing but does another. A constant silencing of your personal voice in favor of group think and peer bullying. Is it any real wonder why after all this I've given up trying to figure out what mainstream society in America wants from me? I don't really understand anything anymore in my personal situation except for a few core things. And most of those things are too intimate to write about let alone talk about with anyone who'd listen. I live a life completely in the dark about everything. No glorious purpose. No acknowledgement of progress other than shadowy ghosts of shell accounts with funny names. People who hunt me in the street with messages shirts offering me psychological discomfort instead of job networking opportunities. Judgement of my situation from a mob of the general public without much looking in the mirror. An incredibly strange and destabilizing situation where nobody talks to each other and people instantly fear facing the problem head on. That's a shit situation to build your life upon at this point of my life. And yet it's the situation I'm in. No life. No liberty. No pursuit of happiness. And the police monitoring every word of it apparently. Everybody knows who I am but doesn't want to address me by name. They want to be seen keeping tabs on me without any real care for how I feel about it. I figure this is the very essence of fame that people don't talk about. I often thought becoming famous would yield something for all the trouble it's worth. To me I'm simple pattern recognition to this town. A glyph or an icon that people spy throughout their boring lives. Something they can pick on. A target to deflect the blame. And this is not something that will ever stop. It's something you just grow to get used to. Just like I've grown to understand that I'm practically invisible in a job market that is desperate for workers. It's fucked up. It's all really fucked up. And yet I tolerate out of some last drop of love for something I know nobody understands or respects in my general vicinity. Just secretly roasts me for behind my back. Someone to make fun of to take the focus off themselves. He can take it. He's privilege. It is not a privilege to not be able to unsee what's been done to me. The glimmers of hope that are out there get more genuine throughout the grease. But the road is long, twisted and the trust for me has dwindled out of necessity. I'm breathing on fumes emotionally. Financially I'm ok.

I really don't know what the answer is. I know the past thinks it knows me by now. I haven't spoken much to the past in the last year. I still see people haunting my media. I still interact knowing full well that there's some secret agenda. I still hope people who think they're helping my life actually read these carefully. I don't trust anything in my past anymore. Not even the bare skeletons of friendships with people I maintain to pretend I'm still alive. Nobody texts. Nobody calls. Everybody stares expectantly hoping I'll give in and open up to them. Nobody asks. It's been dead fucking silent. I talk to people all the time. On the way back from the bus an elderly woman came up to me and started asking me about my tattoos. I don't have a problem talking to people. People aren't open to valuing the time it takes to open up after what I've been through. And I start to realize people need me out here more than I actually need them. My life is a clusterfuck. People out of nowhere email me to ask how I'm doing from years ago. I wonder if it was all instigated by me renewing my passport. Some sort of federal background check. I live in a constant state of dystopia. And I've quarantined myself from all of it. I'm mothballed. Completely. A fucking cosmic joke to most people out here. The midwest can't stand you shining without someone getting a piece of the credit. The only reason I shine is because I've been through hell. I'm probably still smoldering from being roasted every single minute of my life here in public. There are too many stories of other people interacting with me. Not enough of me feeling worth enough to be treated more than a prank, joke or toy. And that's just the watermark of this city. It's a swamp. A great place to get lost in. But also a great place to be misunderstood. Not a very safe one. The rent is still cheap if you've been here forever. And yet all I ever feel like doing is being away from all of this. These people. These demanding stares that don't offer shit in return. I know this. I've watched the same old dirty tricks on loop. I've stayed out of it because I'm inspired to be better. I thought there was an escape. For myself. Maybe for another person. I would never openly admit that because it is now too dangerous to write anything. This used to be a way I could seize my own narrative. Maybe it still is. And yet nobody fights back against the noise other than me. That's not something I will stop. There's nothing out hear to change my views that much of what thought knew me is behind me. There's still a pretty bright future. Whatever color it glows is something that needs to understand I can burn out just the same. I know I'm expected not to. But this city is not helping. So maybe let's start there. Treat me right. I can't let go of my dreams. I won't. If you try you are in for a fight. And this city has already lost the war with me. I'm sorry but it's not that hard to see. <3 Tim

Hope you don't mind me asking. I'm just curious. What exactly are your problems with Kiyo (besides him being a killer), Kokichi (besides him being basically a killer), and V3 as a whole?

Honestly, sometimes I forget that my opinions are on public display like that on my Amino/Instagram. Especially the Amino ones, cause those are sort of out of date.

Anyway, thanks for asking this question!

I do want to preface this by saying a little something though: My takes on V3 should not be taken as 100% valid! Why, you may ask? Well... confession time, I haven’t played all V3. At the time it came out, I was harshly disinterested. Rather than experiencing it for myself, I chose to read up on it and learn what happened for myself. I’ve never been someone who’s particularly bothered by spoilers (much to the chagrin of literally everyone I’ve ever known), so I didn’t think anything of it at the time. And when I looked in to it, I didn’t like what I read and thought that it was good that I didn’t bother playing it for myself. I felt this way for a long time, rejecting all V3 things, until eventually I was lovingly bullied in to picking up the game myself. So while there are aspects of V3 I have experienced beyond my readings, it’s not done in full for me at all yet, so there could be several gaps in my knowledge or just my feelings. Please don’t take everything I say as my one and only interpretation, because it’s true that many of the feelings I express in my answer could be subject to change. I recognize that these takes aren’t valid because I haven’t experienced the game in full. It’s the same as when someone criticizes Danganronpa 3 without having seen it themselves: sure, you know how it’s written so you have some thoughts on it... but it’s still best to experience it yourself to formulate your own opinions. That’s what I’m intending to do, but I haven’t gotten around to it fully yet... because it’s an experience I’m hoping to share, if I play my cards right.

Really though, if I am to explain the offences I have at the current level of V3 I am on, I would say that each of these three aspects of V3 are explained… probably more simplistically than one would expect. I see a lot of people who have these in-depth reasons as to why they feel so strongly about a certain aspect of Danganronpa, and while I can be that person sometimes… here, not so much. 

Besides being a killer, honestly Korekiyo just makes me uncomfortable. Like even beyond the incest thing, there’s something about him that absolutely puts me off. I tried watching his Free Time Events to see if I could stir up some love for him, but I found myself making any excuse to stop every five minutes. I can’t say that I like his design or his mannerisms, and his voice actor communicates Korekiyo’s creepiness well… but I couldn’t find it in me to get past to what some people would refer to as the softer, sweeter aspects of Kiyo. Even the anthropologist element couldn’t save Kiyo for me, and I honestly thought it might. I’ve taken a few anthropology classes myself and I think the topic in itself is interesting enough. However, hearing Kiyo talk about it just either felt boring or off-putting, and I can’t say that I one hundred percent know exactly why that I ended up feeling that way. I suppose it’s fair to say that anthropology is a rather broad topic, and that what Kiyo spoke of in his FTEs wasn’t exactly my point of interest. But if you jump away from the anthropological aspect of Korekiyo, I’m with the majority in saying that the incest thing just made me flat out uncomfortable. 

At this point you could absolutely argue that it’s unfair of me to slander Korekiyo for being incesty if another character I love is Kanon Nakajima, a girl who has extreme and obsessive romantic feelings for her first cousin. However, I would justify myself in saying that the primary reason why Kanon works for me and Korekiyo doesn’t all boils down to other aspects of character. Do I think it’s creepy the way Kanon talks about and acts around Leon? Yes, of course. But the thing about Kanon is that she manages to utilize her other traits to become likeable in spite of it. She has all kinds of other quirks and traits that exist outside of being Leon’s creepy cousin who’s in love with him. Her whole presence as a character isn’t for the sake of being chilling, whereas I find much of Korekiyo’s character is to be weird and unnerving. It’s easier to get behind Kanon because I feel like she’s not just madly in love with Leon, but rather has other parts to her existence that are meant to make her realistic outside of it. Korekiyo, while he does have additional character traits, seems to be crafted with the intention of being creepy. 

I also know that at this point some people would want to argue that I’ve judged Korekiyo all wrong because his sister manipulated him into loving her and he’s actually an abuse victim, and I won’t dispute them. Do I agree with them? I can’t say, because the interpretation itself is just that: interpretation. Just because another interpreted it that way doesn’t mean that I will interpret something the same way, and so on and so forth. But even the line between “is Korekiyo an abuse victim or not” is something that puzzles me, because otherwise, the wrong person could boil it down to the question of Korekiyo stooping down to the level of his abusive sister by manipulating and murdering Tenko and Angie (and just to be clear, this question is not something that I personally believe). And even if maybe that seems like a far-fetched interpretation that someone could draw, the suggestion that an abuse victim will turn out like their abuser makes me undeniably frustrated. It would send a message that I don’t feel is appropriate in the slightest, and play in to the fear that many real life abuse victims have. 

All in all, the way Korekiyo was constructed just doesn’t have what I would call the “Koto appeal”. They simply had a different Danganronpa player in mind when they were designing him, and that’s perfectly fine. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with liking Korekiyo, he’s just very far from my cup of tea.

Something like Kokichi, I would say.

Kokichi already gets a hard time from me because honestly… I don’t find I like characters who are just out to make the player’s life harder. It’s not even a “i’m bad at video games” thing, it’s just that I genuinely find myself frustrated with characters like Byakuya and Nagito sometimes because I’m just trying to do my job, how dare you be trying to screw me up, you little shit!

So he’s already got beef with me right there, especially being the one that’s so much more challenging to fight against than the others. The dude’s high jacking entire trials and you just have to sit there with an “I guess this happening” expression as you try to work out the problem. I already play Danganronpa on gentle because something about the game just makes my inner potato brain skyrocket to like 500%, so Kokichi is kind of a pain in the ass for me. Which I get he’s supposed to be, but I don’t like it. 

His character relationships don’t help me, either. While I am fully aware that it’s all an act, the insensitivity is still harmful to the people around him. Yes, he does have this put on for the sake of fulfilling this plan of his and preventing the others from mourning him when he eventually does die. Unfortunately that plan in itself is a problem for me too though, after seeing a fan reconstruction of his plot to avoid the deaths of Gonta and Miu. Which even if it was a necessary sacrifice, makes Kokichi feel slightly more cruel to me -- although I know some may think that it shouldn’t. The behaviour still just sits badly with me, not to mention that even if you consider the inklings of Kokichi being a good guy… I don’t feel as if I can say with confidence really anything about him. Which again falls back on to a personal writing problem with me, because I am entirely an audience who likes to know things. That’s part of the reason why I write fankid fic: because there are things that I like to know that Kodaka will not confirm nor deny for me. So I took matters in to my own hands in hopes of satisfying both myself and others with where things will go. But if I don’t feel like I know Kokichi and my only evidences of him are of him being a jerk, it doesn’t lead me to like him very much.

Which is also what throws me for a loop with Danganronpa V3 as a whole, actually! All of the end revelations got me pretty badly in the sake that I have a vague notion of things that they showed me pregame, but otherwise there’s a lot that the game leaves unanswered. I mean, on the flipside, there’s absolutely evidence that everything we got to see was true… But until I know, I have trouble enjoying V3 totally. 

Plus, it also just contains my least favourite cast. I still like some of them, but there are more that I either don’t like or don’t care about. As you mentioned before, I’m not excited about Korekiyo or Kokichi. And maybe I just don’t know anything about them yet, but I’m not terribly interested in Kirumi, Ryoma, Tenko, or Rantaro. I have a little bit of love for characters like Himiko, Gonta, and Tsumugi. And to be fair, I do like Kaede, Kaito, Kiibo, Miu, Maki, and Shuichi a decent amount. But still, compare that to games like Danganronpa 1 where the only character I actively dislike is Hifumi... then it just comes out as my least favourite. Even with Super Danganronpa 2, I have a sort of dislike-like for characters like Nagito and Kazuichi. I don’t completely dislike them in the same way I do some of the characters in V3. 

Really, though, I know all of this is stuff that I personally think about V3 is subject to change. After awhile of straight up disliking it and refusing to play it like the stubborn child that I am, I do fully intend to commit myself to the game and maybe change some of my opinions along the way. Sure, it’s fine for me to have some of this opinions and ideas based off of what I do know, but ultimately I know it’s something I have to experience for myself for my take on it to be actually valid.

Hopefully if I can work out the things I need to try and work out, you guys might even be able to watch me experience it for the first time... but that all depends on how well my computer can handle running the appropriate programs simultaneously. Fingers crossed, though!

*turn around in shorts that say its time for my fuckin opinion on the ass* hey sweaty read to choke on my bns hot takes for uh lets see here uh ... t-two thousand words....

first of all... im pretty easily entertained so if u fail to do that its so like something has gone horribly wrong. i can enjoy pretty much anything halfway decent and i hate nitpicking on shit. but nitpicking implies small problems and sometimes the problem is the whole fucking thing. but man the direction bns has been going in is like. it really be like that, it really be just the most blatantly boring and uninspired it could go and here’s my fucking video essay that i will not do you the honour of being read aloud since the force of my opinion would crush your skull like a grape if spoken in the real world. 

first of all. i generally didnt have a problem with act1 bns story, i honestly thought it had some cool characters, some COOL as fuck cutscenes and as a person that loves lore juice a lot of the characters held a lot of promise and the diary was a fun read despite being the absolutely worst most stupid way to deliver any sort of lore content.

the circular narrative, the tight ending and the callback to all the characters was pretty well-rounded, a little but hammy but adopting the hongmoon kids nad becoming the master of your school was pretty novel. i really felt like there were so many new places to go with this dynamic, like bns could do something new by giving the mc more stakes in other characters rather than being a complete wildcard drifter.

but they keep doing this fucking thing were they repeat story themes in a way thats become incredibly unwelcome. i can understand why npcs would become recurring characters, why certain objects etc are still relevant but the fact that beat for beat the endgame again is divine mandate, mushins there, namsoyoo in danger and someone gets killed off for the sake of idk tragedy i guess. 

i think the worse thing is that the game tries to be tongue in cheek about its tropiness and normally id be like ok cool but the tropes are executed just so fucking blandly and soullessly its kind of insulting like. they really absolutely did not fucking try in the slightest for this one. not at fucking all. 

ryu saying ‘oh it would be so bad if you passed out form poison at an inconvenient time’ and the obvious death flags from bunah and bunyang are incredibly grating when you have absolutely no fucking stake in the story, know exactly whats coming cause the writing repeats itself over and over and know the exact same beats. 

at the very least most people can stand tropey anime, hell you can even ENJOY it if you are absorbed into the world and characters and the tropes are executed well. but this story is wholesale just same fucking shit slightly different npcs. it feels like they tries to manufacture drama in the most blatantly cheap way and it really lets itself down. i could honestly see them killing ONE of the kids for cheap and dirty tearjerking but man all of them leaving you alone again with jsy is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unebelievably lazy. we have entered asian tv drama levels but at least those are fucking interesting. even the dance number in this act was shit.

i think the most annoying thing is that bns is one of the first mmos i played way back when and i still genuinely like the game up to a point and i like the world and characters. im literally always moaning bout how they did fuck all with the eight masters but gave them the barest most tantalizing hints of interesting characterisation in the diaries. but i think that’s all you need. it doesnt need to be 24/7 ballz to the walls worldending tragedy shock tactics to be entertaining. it somehow feels like they played it so incredibly safe that they looped around and made the worst decision possible and i just really wish theyd hire just your random ass average fucking ln writer cause theyd at least make shit entertaining. like the long form story telling of a truple a game thats reaching nearly 10 acts now should definitely be better than this like. what a fucking way to drop the ball.  

now. my second bone to grind. tell me why they actively REMOVED? ALL SIDE QUESTS? what kind of game, especially an mmo would fucking remove its OWN lore? why would that make any fucking sense? especially for how lore-light this game is but how vast its world is like sidequests felt like the absolute BARE minimum way to furnish this admittedly underdeveloped world. they at least gave us that slight illusion of depth and some of them were even fun! interesting! i still remember the sidequest where you go on a ‘hostage rescue mission’ to save an npc’s son who was kidnapped by lycandi and the npc who fucking gave you the mission murders his own son in front of you cause he was bumpin with the lycandi like. it’s not fucking riveting writing but it gave some more context to the places you visit, it’s SOMETHING about the supposed people that inhabit the world and it clearly makes some places more memorable than just ‘cool sky desert’, ‘cool sky city’, ‘cool sky village’.

im vaguely aware that this was done cause it ‘confused players’ who thought they had to do blue quests to level up to endgame and firstable idk why bns pushes endgame as the only ‘good’ part when its like in my humble opinion really fucking boring. you know people play mmos for different reasons? not just to reach lvl 100 super tier omega hongmoon thornbuster breakre 5000 and be no.1 in pvp. just looking flashy and good combat isn’t really enough to compete these days. im guessing its a push to the esports scene but also like you really want to serve one side better by doing relateively arbitrary thing that fucks over pve ppl? like? 

also there ARE genuinely people interested in the world and content and story as exemplified by all the oc and various comics and even even some official webcomics like i honestly dont think nc at all in any way nurtures that side of their mmo nearly enough especially when you see how healthy and thriving ff14 and other communities are in their oc scene. the sheer fact that people still stuck around despite the experiene of playing bns being patently awfully optimised and an uphill battle in every single way is testament to the fact that maybe some people just genuinely like the game? gutting it is absolutely antithesis to that.

i actually cant wrap my head around purposefully deleting lore cause it makes ‘grinding to endgame’ too confusing like does the story take that low a priority? the fucking ACTUAL game and the story is less important than people mindlessly burning themselves out to endgame, grinding dungeons and buying lootboxes like you cant do in literally every other game anyways? why would you get rid of some of the only shit that makes your game even slightly different? like im not out here saying it was the most revolutionary great shit but at least the side quests TRIED to give a modicum of flavour to bns. like they at least attempted to add to all the zones and make them places rather than set pieces were story happens to you then you leave and never come back. it doesnt even have to be revolutionary amazing writing to do that it just needs to be serviceable to give even the slightest sense of depth.

but for some reason rather than idk. just tell people theyre just flavour text and theyre not compulsory or just toggle on/off the fucking blue quest markers you decide to fucking? nuke the already translated (which someone no doubt paid for), completely unintrusive, absolutely functional, if somewhat tedious sidequests? making the whole fucking game even MORE barren and lifeless? FOR FREE? what a fucking deal.

 i literally cannot understand this clownery this absolute idiot idea could only have been concocted by the specific brand of stupidity found only in corporate sales dept. but like i think its also emblematic of how this game has no creative direction other than make Money which is fucked cause theres genuinely many parts of this game that i enjoy from like characters, music, visuals theres A LOT of promise in bns even if it takes a lot of legwork to get to it. as much as people give htk shit he absolutely made this game what it is visually and thematically, the soundtrack fucking rocks, theres some solid characters and story elements, a lot of the game still holds up visually and som of it dare i say looks fucking good. give bns a try its free to play.

maybe ive just been spoiled by fgo and gbf and literally every other popular game ACTUALLY trying to write good shit. trying to give their readers lore, trying to make things genuinely ENJOYABLE as a game should be rather than a part time job. but man i always forget after act1 bns really reveals why its never broken out from being a midweight grindy mmo