all sexy bitches r uncomfortable w physical affection there i said it

i wondered too much, I'm sorry

when I was a kid, i thought and i smiled. it was because I didn't know, the truth. i wondered and smiled, but now I pity my old self. so innocent, so unwavering, so ignorant of the tension that filled the room. even though it send goosebumps down my spine sometimes, i brushed it off and i wondered. and i smiled, because i was happy, be ause i thought of home. home i wondered, would be my extended family- all sitting together, laughing and loving, and supporting each other. so unaware of people's personalities, blinded by the smiles they gave, hiding their envy. and i wondered and smiled because i thought they loved me, didn't they? i wondered if growing along my cousins, of playing with them, of getting in fights and being educated well. i smiled wondering how close we'd all be, a real family. so stupid, pathetic. it was a form a greed. to be loved. to be held. to be praised. to grow healthy. a desire unfulfilled, a longing that lingers still. we still smile, but now I know. what hides behind it, and I've never faced it's wrath but it doesn't scare me and it won't, because I'm aware and i act oblivious now. so sad, so pitiful that all you adults grew in a fucked up environment. and you project it onto us, yet, here I am, oblivious as ever, as the corners of eyes search for that frown, for that look of despise in your eyes so that I can confirm every once in a while, that i shouldn't wonder. it is a desire that will hurt. so I forget it just as easily i remember things- for you carried hurt and ended up loveless but I've seen it all. and i still wonder, what if this way of growing was never started, I'd probably sit next to you as you hugged me like you did when I was a child; and you'd smile at me just like you did when I was a child; and you'd love and support me just as you did when I was just a child. so innocent and unaware of your jealousy, something i still don't entirely understand.

@the-girl-who-cried-wolf @johermione @sleepystemkid @leal-love-lace @ghost-spidey @gayslytherin @wings-of-angels @sunsetskies-over-icecream @friiday-thirteenth @lostinmymindpalace-m @theendisnear-buygold @justadreamyhufflepuff @acciorxses @hyacinths-on-my-grave @sidereusimber @midnightstorm-underthe-moon @ashesandstars @achillesreborn @floralbeast @existential-dread-in-the-am @couldibeanymorechaotic @badassgemini @leenkiyakepapahihihi @lilhappylilsad @mayajean @mais-e @sentimental-bits @burn-like-starss @sunkissed-ocean @aaftaaab @the-ethereal-aura @double-cross-my-mind @headinthecloudstoseethestars @every1-shutup-im-dyinginside @11nolongerhuman @teeth-go-clink @glittercrashhh @maisiepeterss @fierreth-who @sentimental-bits @enraptuured

about.

— zaynab / zay — seventeen / poc — intp / ravenclaw — find me @dk-s / @carisis

academia.

— year twelve / australia — english / mathematics / human biology / physics / food science — interested in ancient history and archaeology! — aiming for a career in genetics or endocrinology

interests.

— literature / mythology — film / television ( i love dead poet’s society! and the lord of the rings! ) — art / music — baking / fashion

on this blog.

— studyspo aesthetics  — study tips — exam tips — notes  — literature meta

lovely blogs.

— @studywithavalon / @studypetals​ / @hannybstudies / @tiyastudies / @empirestudy / @lifesci / @clytieslight / @gaeastudies / @medicineblr / @socistudies / @ranaeissance / @geekstudying / @spideystudys / @ahreumstudies / @beestudyblrs / @jinniestudy / @janniestudies / @pecanstudy / @achillesreborn / @myhoneststudyblr / @yongxqi / @ellebi-studies / @herbstudy

17 Questions 17 People

Thanks so much @stationarystudy for tagging me! I’ve only ever done one of these before, and I love participating!! 

Nickname: Grace and Gracie are my more frequently used nicknames. I’ve got a lot though, so if any name is shouted in my general direction, I’ll usually turn around to answer. Just in case. 

Zodiac: Cancer sun, Taurus moon, Sagittarius rising. I had to look up my chart. I have no idea what any of this means, but it sounds pretty cool!

Height: 5’6” ish

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff!

Last thing I googled: Aside from my zodiac chart? The Köppen climate map for South America. I started a lively debate about the classification of Cfa and Cfb zones and needed to support my arguments with maps. 

Song stuck in my head: Taylor Swift’s Ivy and Honey and Tea (Acoustic version) by Mōzi. Highly recommend both of these!

Numbers of followers: 36! I’m a small account, but I love all of you guys. :) Thanks for sticking around! 

Amount of sleep: Roughly 8 hours?? Maybe?? I have no idea. (Is time even real anymore?)

Lucky number(s): 2, 3, 7, 14, 27, 55, 99

Dream job: It changes every few months lol. Right now, I’m really into paleoclimatology/deep time and (sustainable) architecture. (I’ve put my scientific diver dreams on hold until I can relocate to a more coastal area.) I think, ultimately, my dream career is one that allows me to utilize abstract thought and imagination regularly and isn’t confined to a single location (e.g. allows for travel). I’m still figuring it out! Lots of self-reflection these days. 

Wearing: Cozy, oversized sweatshirt, pink t-shirt that reads “Drink Tea, Read Books, Be Happy,” pajama pants feat. clouds, and the softest socks in the world. They’ve got little reindeer on them, trotting along across the tops. I love them!! 

Favorite song: Ahh how could I ever choose!! I’ve always had a soft spot for Clair de Lune (Debussy) and Main Title: Nemo Egg (Thomas Newman). Absolutely love singing along to Les Jupes by Charlotte Cardin and Stories Reminding Myself of Me by Mandy Moore. 

Favorite instrument: I can’t pick just one! Top four favorites: guitar, ukulele, piano, and kalimba.

Aesthetic: Light academia, dark academia, and cottagecore. Is there an aesthetic for the ocean? If so, that too. 

Favorite author: Currently obsessing over Madeline Miller (still). Rick Riordan is pretty great too imho. 

Favorite animal noise: Love this question! No one ever asks me this sort of thing anymore! I love dolphin noises and the sounds small dogs make when they’re just learning to walk and have too much excitement for their little bodies. It’s a combination of skittering across the floor, crashing into things, and small, delighted yips. 

Random: I’m doing the Reading Around The World challenge this year! My goal is to read one book representing every country. (Or, if one book covers multiple countries, I’m counting that towards the goal too.) I’m hoping that in learning about all of these exciting and exotic places, I can begin to feel more at home in my academic major. If you have any book suggestions, please send them my way!!

Sorry if you��ve already done this challenge! Here are the people I’m tagging, and I hope you all have an amazing day! @idk-what-name-to-use @learnfrenchwithchanty @your-local-darkacademic-cryptid @sentranced @thespeedyreader @yellowallflower @darkmacademia @fluencylevelfrench @universi-tea @myhoneststudyblr @achillesreborn @seraphiclanguages @langblr-life @curiosity-journaling @kamahina-studies @books-and-floralteacups @a-tale-of-dreams-and-nightmares

leaf 🍃, cow 🐄 and honey 🍯 ♡

love ya sange ♡

Hi Confetti!!!

Okay here it goes

Leaf: the plant I love the most would be peony. It's just like a rose but it's got so many more petals in them and their soft color is so pretty!

Cow: oh well there are so many blogs I just absolutely adore. I love your @shadhoe-feat @kaadhale @poetrybyrya @wedarkacademia @achillesreborn @ceejles @danismilek @viiviiv, I could go on

Honey: hm....I guess what I like about myself would be my hair and my smile. I haven't had hair this long ever.

And love ya too bb!

Ask source here

artist archive ; Peter Ondreička (1947 - 1990)

Ondreička was a Slovakian artist, mostly unreported on during his life & sadly ignored after his tragic death. fighting against alcoholism & depression, Ondreička's work is grotesque & and unnerving, but fascinating at the same time.

the prodigal son // tantalos // crucifixion // tight mask (man with mask)

the impending doom i feel when i know i have an assignment to do is rivaled only by the dread of knowing exactly how & when i will die

god bless me, i'm a free man // with no place free to go // i'm paralysed & collared-tight // no pills for what i fear

i wish i was the moon - neko case

What does happiness mean. Is it going out in nature and remembering that life goes slow somtimes or writing the poetry which had turned your mind in a tangled wool

happiness is constant & untraceable at once. you can find it in the clearest of places; in the glow of a smile or warmth of the sun. it's found in the grass of an unkempt field & in the back of childhood bedrooms. happiness is visible in every little gesture that reminds you of a loved one, & tucked away between the pages of an unfinished book.

happiness also peaks through in darkness. it's the relief of the end of a bad day, it's the soothing hand of comfort after a hard decision. our memories of the worst of times are coated with the happiness that is exasperated because of them. it's the exception, the silver lining.

it's definitely in the knowledge that time passes slower than you fear, & in the poetry we write in our heads only to forget to write down. it's found everywhere.

happiness is the peace of silence & the ecstacy of madness.

it means everything. it means nothing. it is life eternal. we can not live without it, but we feel we must sacrifice it at the nearest opportunity. hold onto happiness, for it leads to success.

if i met myself at 12 years old, i'd probably hate him. i'd grab that scared little brat who prayed before bed & thought he knew it all & thought his mother was a wonderful person, & hit him so hard he cried.

then i'd pick him up & cuddle him the way i yearned to be held then, & it seems so little has changed. even after being struck, i still crave to be held.

he's just a boy who doesn't understand why he's a boy, & i'm just a man who doesn't understand anything else.

man i love academia & my education but maybe i was genuinely built for the mines

i hope i am not only an occasionally absent poster to you guys, but also a cautionary tale <3

what's the prettiest/most pretentious sentence you can make up on the spot?

mine is "and in my arms he rested, & in my heart he rested, but in my mind he never rests; he is always making me wonder"

what we doing then lads

gorgeous + tattoos

gorgeous; what do you like in a person?

i love people who are passionate, with special interests & confidence in speaking! i get along best with these kinds of people :)

tattoos; do you have/want and tattoos and piercings?

i have my ears pierced, but am not really looking into any more (although i might well get some), but i would adore some tattoos! i love detailed & anatomical tattoos best :)