#absolutely not like i have a better memory than her so....
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8.2 Bucky
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
Summary: Lily McIntyre, trainer for new SHIELD recruits at the Avengers Tower, has been in love with her best friend, Bucky Barnes, from the moment she met him. She's been content with her role of the #1 girl in Bucky's life, even if it means she has to sabotage a romantic relationship or two. It'll be worth it when he realizes that they're meant for each other, right? There's just one small problem: Lily McIntire never expected Bucky Barnes to fall for You.
Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of sexual situations, mostly this is just fluff.
Word Count: 2.7k
Previously On...: You had a nightmare/memory of your time in Afghanistan.
A/N: It's really nice out. I'm writing outside today, lol.
If you ever feel so inclined to support my work, hop on over to buy me a coffee; it's much appreciated! <3
NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates
Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!
Bucky slowly came into consciousness to the sensation of small hands running up and down his chest. Blinking his eyes open, he grinned when he saw Major leaning over him, tracing her fingers along the planes of his muscles.
“Morning,” she said, smiling down at him, her long hair hanging around her face like curtains.
“Mornin’, doll,” he replied, voice rough with sleep. “You been up long?”
She hummed, running her fingers up along both sides of his collarbone and back down again. “No,” she said. “Maybe ten minutes?” She shrugged. “I was planning on letting you sleep for a while longer, but you looked so pretty, couldn’t stop myself from touching you.”
He gripped one of her wrists in his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her pulse point. “Glad you didn’t, sugar,” he said, nuzzling her hand to his cheek. “Cause lookin’ at you’s better than any dream I coulda been havin’.”
Major playfully pinched his cheek as she rolled her eyes at him. “What did I tell you about your sweet talk, Sergeant?” she said.
Bucky pretended to think about it for a moment. “Um…,” he mused, tapping his chin with a forefinger, “that there was nothing you could do to stop me from doin’ it? Even if I already did have you right where I wanted you?”
She laughed, and Bucky loved the way the morning light caught the natural highlights of her hair.
“What should we do today?” he asked, sitting up so he was propped against his headboard and pulling her into his lap. He leaned down to kiss her shoulder where the collar of his too-big shirt had left it exposed.
“Breakfast, at some point,” Major said, wrapping her arms around his neck.
Bucky nodded, his hands tracing up and down her sides. “Obviously.”
“Maybe you could show me around this fancy compound of yours,” she suggested, playing with the short hairs at the nape of his neck.
“Mmm,” Bucky said, sliding a hand up under the hem of his shirt she wore to rest it on her hip. “Sounds like a plan. What else?”
“Take me for another ride on your motorcycle?” she offered.
“I’d like to take you for another ride on something, sugar,” he teased, playfully nipping at the delicate skin of her neck.
“Bucky,” Major chastised, pulling back to look him in the eyes with a smile. “If you wanted to just stay in bed and have sex all day, you could have just said so.”
“I want to stay in bed and have sex all day.,” he deadpanned, trying to fight his grin.
Major scoffed and rolled her eyes. “It’s like you only want me for one thing, Sergeant.”
Bucky felt his entire body stiffen at the accusation, and he sat up straighter. “Sugar– Major, no! Of course not! I–”
She started laughing and gently swatted his chest. “Relax, Bucky; I was kidding. I absolutely do not mind having all the sex with you. I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but you’re actually quite good at it.”
He let out a breath in relief, but something still didn’t sit right with him. Yes, since meeting Major just four days ago, they had fucked. A lot. But he wanted more from her than that. He wanted to give her more than that.
“I think I’m about to say something really stupid,” Bucky said slowly, hoping he was making the right call.
Major raised an eyebrow. “Okay,” she said, dragging the word out. “I’m proud of you for being able to recognize that beforehand, I guess?”
Bucky’s lips puckered disapprovingly. “Smartass,” he said. Major just laughed and pressed her forehead into the crook of his shoulder, letting him continue. “I think we should stop having sex.”
She pulled back, the look on her face full of such shock and disappointment that it was Bucky’s turn to laugh at her. “You can’t be serious!” she exclaimed.
“I’m not saying, you know, forever,” he said, running his hands up and down her arms to console her. “Or even long-term. Just for, like, a little while.”
“But, why?” Major whined, sounding like a child who was told she couldn’t have ice cream after dinner. “I thought you liked it.”
“Oh, sugar,” Bucky said, pulling her close again, “I fucking love it. I just want us to be more than that, you know? I don’t ever want you to think that that’s all I want from you.”
“Bucky, I was just joking around. I know that’s not–”
“I want us to last, Major,” Bucky interrupted her to confess. “I want us to last a good, long time. And if we’re gonna do that, we have to have more than just fucking between us. I want to know everything about you. And I want you to know everything about me. Hell, I wanna be everything you need. I want this to be real, and strong, and to have all kinds of intimacy with you beyond just physical stuff. It’s not that I don’t fucking love fucking you–” he smiled when she snorted at his phrasing– “it’s just that I don’t want that to be the only thing I love about you.”
He hoped she understood what he was trying to say without him actually having to say it: He wanted to fall in love with her– more than anything he had ever wanted in his entire existence. He was more than halfway there already, if he was being honest with himself, but he was suddenly afraid that if they didn’t slow things down between them, if they didn’t take the time to get to know more than just each other’s bodies, they were going to fizzle out before they could truly shine together.
Major’s eyes were wide and glossy as she studied his face. Bucky held his breath as she took in what he had said, knowing in his heart that if she didn’t agree, if she only wanted him for sex and nothing else, he’d cave in a heartbeat, just to keep her close.
“Okay,” she said softly. “I want that, too, so, okay.”
Bucky let out the breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. “Thank fuck,” he said, bringing his lips to hers for a kiss.
“Now, when you say ‘no sex,’” Major began, “are you talking ‘no penetration,’ or can we still–”
“Neither one of us gets to use any part of our bodies to get the other one off,” Bucky said resolutely.
Major frowned at his declaration, and the sight was so alluring that Bucky was instantly second guessing himself. “That just seems unnecessarily cruel, Sarge,” she pouted.
Damn it, he thought, it did seem unnecessarily cruel. He was already caving, and it had barely been a few minutes!
“I know, sugar, I know. But I think we’ll be better for it.” He really did. He just had to keep reminding himself of that.
Major’s pout deepened. “I know,” she said. “Logically, it makes sense.” She sighed. “How long?”
“In all honesty,” Bucky said with a chuckle, “I haven’t really thought that far ahead. A couple of weeks? At least until after I’ve taken you out on a few more proper dates. Treat you right, you know?”
She threw her head back overdramatically. “A couple weeks?!” she cried. “How am I supposed to function without that good dick, Bucky?”
“Well, now you’re just being theatrical, doll,” Bucky smiled.
“Fun fact,” Major said, “I did theater all four years in high school. I even got to play Sarah in our production of Guys and Dolls my senior year.”
Bucky smiled. “Well, I don’t know what that is, doll, but see! That’s something I wouldn’t have learned about you if we were having sex right now!”
Major’s laugh was rich, and it made Bucky think of hot chocolate on a winter’s day. Of a kiss on a scraped knee. “Fair enough,” she told him. “But it’s a crime that you don’t know what Guys and Dolls is.”
“So, that’s what we’ll do today, then,” Bucky said. “Show me this Guys and Dolls, doll.” He chuckled, amused with himself.
Major rolled her eyes good naturedly. “I’m going to need some breakfast, first,” she told him, getting off his lap and the bed. She raised her arms over her head in an elongated stretch, and Bucky couldn’t help but admire the way his shirt crept up her thighs, showing more and more of her tantalizing skin until--
No, he had to remind himself. They were going to be putting a temporary moratorium on that kind of thinking. God, this was going to be so much harder than he thought it would be.
He and Major took a shower together, and while there was an excessive amount of touching, they managed to keep it relatively tame. Afterwards, Bucky offered Major another of his shirts to wear, but she paused as she was collecting the rest of her clothes from where they’d scattered them across his room the night before.
“So, Bucky,” she said, her voice sounding confused, “really weird question, but do you happen to have my panties in your possession, by any chance?”
Bucky paused in the middle of toweling off his hair and looked up at her. “What?” he asked, thinking he must have heard her incorrectly.
“My underwear,” Major clarified. “I can’t find my underwear.”
Bucky snorted a laugh. “They’ve gotta be here somewhere, sugar,” he said, walking over to where she stood to help her look. “It’s not like I have a lot of stuff for them to hide behind.”
For the next few minutes, they searched the room, but they came up empty again and again.
“You don’t remember where you might have tossed them when you took them off last night?” he asked her.
Major looked at him. “You took them off me last night,” she said. “When you took off my shorts, you pulled them off, too.”
Bucky thought back to the previous evening. They’d been in a rush to get each other’s clothes off, but he was fairly confident he’d only removed her shorts. “Did…” he paused, the question he was about to pose making him a little shy. “Did you forget to put them back on before we left the woods?”
Major’s hands flew to her mouth. “Oh my god,” she said, trying to suppress a giggle. “I honestly don’t know! It was dark and I don’t remember! Oh, shit! Bucky!” She was trying so hard now not to laugh. “Did I leave my soaked panties in a fucking public park?!”
“That’s pretty deviant of you, doll,” he laughed. Major playfully swatted his chest.
“It’s your fault!” she exclaimed.
“My fault?” Bucky was faux-affronted. “How was it my fault you forgot your knickers?”
“You just had to make that comment about imagining me in only the dog tags,” she chastised. “You knew exactly where that would lead.”
Bucky couldn’t fault her logic there. “Fair enough, sugar,” he said, wrapping his arms around her. “I take full responsibility.”
“And now you’re going to have to live with the knowledge that I’m going to be walking around all day without any panties on, and there’s not a damned thing you can do about it, because you had to go and decide we shouldn’t have sex anymore.”
Bucky groaned. “Ugh, the me of an hour and a half ago was a moron. Remind me again why I thought that was a good idea?” he begged her.
“Nope,” Major said. “That’s a hole you dug for yourself. Now you have to lie in it.”
“Lie in it with me?” he asked, putting his most charming smile on display for her.
She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. “Only if you keep your hands to yourself.”
*
To Bucky’s surprise, the rest of their day together went by in a flash, and he had a great time with Major– even if they both had kept all of their clothes on. He’d taken her on his bike to get a late breakfast at Melinda’s, and while Major had excused herself to the restroom, Mya had approached him.
“I like this one for you, Bucky,” she’d said with a knowing grin. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile so wide before.
After breakfast, they returned to the compound, and Bucky had given Major a tour, showing her all the amenities the facility had to offer, though he avoided the building where the new SHIELD recruits did their training. He brought her down to the shooting range, and the two spent a couple of entertaining hours together in the simulator, running practice combat drills. When Bucky watched Major hit every single one of her targets, it was all he could do to not throw his “no more sex” rule right out the window.
They had lunch with Sam and Steve, and Bucky thought he was going to die from embarrassment at all the things they were telling Major about him. When he said he had wanted her to know everything about him, he wasn’t thinking about that time in eighth grade when he’d asked Dolores Carmichael to be his girlfriend and she told the whole class he was a terrible kisser. But Steve, apparently, thought it was vital information.
“You’ve either improved tremendously since then,” Major had said with a laugh, “or old Dolores had impossible standards.”
When they’d finished exploring the compound, they went back to Bucky’s room and Major introduced him to the world of Guys and Dolls on Prime Video. The movie was nearly as old as he was– 1955, she’d said, and he appreciated it, though he found the entire thing ridiculous. But Major loved it, and he loved watching her love it, and that was good enough for him.
Before he knew it, the afternoon was waning into early evening, and it was time for him to take Major back to Langston Park for her to get her truck and head home. He found himself driving his bike a lot slower to get there than he normally would have, savoring the feeling of her hands gripped around his waist.
When they arrived at the parking lot, Major hopped off the bike and took off the extra helmet he’d given her. “Thank you for today,” she said, leaning in to kiss him. “I had a great time, even without having sex with you.”
Bucky laughed and pulled her close for a hug. “Speaking of,” he said, “you wanna run into the woods and go looking for your panties real quick?”
Major tossed her head back and groaned. “Ugh, no!” she said. “I’m too mortified! They belong to the forest now. They've probably gone wild.”
Bucky chuckled, but soon his expression turned serious. “When can I see you again?” he asked. If it were up to him, she’d never be out of his sight.
“Whenever you want, Sergeant,” she told him, her voice an almost-purr. “You know where I live.”
“Dinner tomorrow?” he asked hopefully.
“I’d like that,” she replied.
Bucky brought his lips to hers, and for a moment, they stayed there, kissing languidly. Eventually, though, Major pulled away. “Alright,” she said begrudgingly, “I better go now before I lose my resolve to leave at all.” Reaching over the bed of her truck, she tossed Bucky the shirt he had worn the night before and had left there to dry overnight.
Bucky watched as Major got into her truck and rolled down the window before backing up. “Let me know when you get home safe, yeah?” he asked.
“Yes, mom,” Major said, but he could tell from the glint in her eye that his concern touched her.
He watched as she drove away, sticking a hand out the window to wave a final farewell before rounding the corner and disappearing from sight. Just as Bucky was about to re-mount his bike to head back to the Compound, his phone pinged with a text.
He smiled to himself. Was Major missing him that much already?
But, no– the text wasn’t from Major at all.
Lily: We need to have a conversation about you standing me up last night.
Bucky swallowed.
Well, shit.
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#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky x you#bucky x reader#bucky fanfic#bucky barnes#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky x female reader#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes fanfiction#james bucky buchanan barnes#james buchanan barnes#mcu bucky barnes#james barnes
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Following your answer on homosexuality in AoT, how would sexism in AoT be handled on both sides of the spectrum, female and male, on Paradis and in Marley?
Hi, dear! How are you?
Ah, that's such a good question. You know, I did a post about it a LONG time ago, but it’s a topic I touch on a lot in my fics and here from time to time.
I'll set the context of my reply with three ideas. First, sexism or misogyny ALWAYS exists. It exists in our society like oxygen does. In many countries, it’s not the same sexism as in the 1800s, but it still exists. Second, the Scouts PER SE are the "wokes" of their time; they don't have the same views, lives, and beliefs as regular people inside the walls. So I always think that the Scouts are a bit of an "exception" from the rest of Paradis.
Third, and I state this because my blog is Levi-centered, Levi is ALREADY a person, and in particular, a man, with a very different and unique upbringing. I DO believe that Levi has a more "modern" or "woke" view on "women," "women's rights," and "house chores" than the rest of the men. I'll simply say this: a man who saw his mother being treated like garbage because she worked as a prostitute, a man who had to raise himself, and a man who RAISED a girl out of pure heart. I hardly think he judges women on how they dress, who they sleep with, or thinks that "a man shouldn't cook or clean/take care of the kids." So Levi is kind of an exception for me. This doesn't mean he doesn't have internalized misogyny or "micro-sexism" (which I'll talk about later).
Overall, despite both societies allowing "women" in the military, I don't think their views on women or men's roles are much different. I believe there are a few clear examples of this in the manga. If my memory serves me correctly (and take this with a grain of salt because I know that Isayama gave multiple interviews, and a lot of them were edited), he said on one occasion that the Scouts were different because usually, everybody helps with all the chores, like cooking, cleaning, etc., because they work more united and as a family than the rest of the military divisions. Second, he said in one interview right after the manga ended that when he draws "military boards or higher ranks," he always keeps in mind not to add women because they aren't allowed.
Other scenes that quickly come to mind that make me think that Paradis (and I'll speak mostly of Paradis because we don't see much of Marley as a society) is a very sexist society with traditional views:
Most of the time, when we are shown military members from the Garrison OR the MPs, they are mostly men.
Which women are shown that are "recalled" from the Garrison? Riko and Anka… What role does Anka have? Being a secretary for Pixis, more or less, a very stereotypical role for a woman.
A very memorable woman from the MPs is Hitch, and there's a scene where it's clearly said that "there's only one way a woman like Hitch can get into the MPs," basically stating that she made sexual favors to get into that position.
Not a single scene from the military board or higher-up positions shows a single woman.
All the mothers of the characters shown in the story are "housewives" or "stay-at-home moms," which is absolutely fine if a woman decides to dedicate her time to her family as long as it’s a decision she made and not because she didn’t have "other options." Even Eren's mother, Carla, is shown to work as a waitress before she became a mother and a housewife.
All this makes me conclude that probably women inside the military never reach far, either because they aren't allowed (men are preferred over them, offered better positions, promoted first) or because once they get married, they are expected to become stay-at-home wives. I can clearly imagine people thinking that if you get promoted as a woman, it's because you're sleeping with your boss, or if you haven't gotten married and had kids at a certain age, "you're wasting your time" or "a woman's role is to be a mom; they only feel fulfilled like that."
This creates a power dynamic: women are expected to be wives; therefore, men are expected to be the main providers. And this is something I can see men, particularly Levi, being affected by. In my fic, I wrote once that Levi gets very offended when the reader invites or pays for him because she comes from a wealthy family. For Levi, as internalized misogyny, HIS role as a man is to provide. What kind of man is he if he's not paying? Especially for the Scouts' men, it's said that the Scouts have the lowest salaries in the military. If they can't provide, their chances of getting married are probably low. Even today, a lot of men get sensitive or offended if their wives make more money than them. Or men get irrationally jealous and butthurt if their women are more successful than them.
Another way men might get the sour end is in terms of emotional availability. While women's harsh reality is known, men's struggles often aren't. For example (one from Marley), Reiner's mother suffers a lot of social prejudice because she had a kid out of wedlock, and her only "salvation" is that Reiner becomes a warrior. Even today, men struggle with being emotionally available and having more feelings than just "lust and anger." I can totally see men all over the AoT world having to be these "very tough" guys who are only allowed to be "human" when they are alone with "their girl/wife." This happened a lot after WWI; men were sent back home with horrible memories of war and society expected them to just "toughen up and be men." Go, work, and provide for your family; and if you're suffering from everything you lived, then learn to be a man.
It's like I can literally imagine Erwin perhaps complaining that he's having a hard time, and Zackly or any other dude would be like, "You know what you need? A wife; she will take care of the rest."
"I don't have time to dedicate."
"Doesn't matter, a good wife always understands."
"… my salary isn't that good."
"Oh well, you know it's never too late for you to change divisions and settle down." pat on the back lmao end of the advice, and Erwin has the same emotional stress as before.
Overall, I think their views are probably as traditional as they were only a couple of years ago. This is completely ignorable for the sake of fanfiction and having fun; not every piece you write has to send a message or be political. But if you ask me how I think canon AoT characters are, I believe a good part of them, if not most, would be very traditional.
Hope this helps! I tried to cover everything I could remember while being as concise as possible. Thank you so much for your question!
Lots of love!
#aot meta#aot#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#levi ackerman#levi#snk#captain levi#levi aot#snk levi#attack on titans#lucy answers
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Pit In My Gut, In The Shape Of You
Authors Note: this is an AU where spence is a song writer 😀 i know, crazy. but whatever. this does have a part 2 so lmk if that’s something yall want to see. also this part one isn’t really focused on spence, its more focused on the girl. part 2 would be more spencer focused. hope yall like it! feedback is always appreciated.
wc: 5373
Warnings: stupid man (not spence) who says some mean things
They were best friends. Everyday, they were stuck to each other's side. Whether they were out on adventures, or just at home watching the worst rom-coms ever made. They never got sick of eachother. She always feared that those who loved her, would eventually grow to hate her and get annoyed by her. That even the little things she did, would result in them leaving. Because they have before. But he never left. He stayed by her side for 3 summers.
But then something changed. He stopped asking her about her hobbies, her interests, her days. He stopped kissing her goodnight. He stopped bringing her lilies, her favorite flower. And one day, he just seemed to stop loving her. Then one day, he just left without a word. All he left in their two bedroom apartment was a note saying “I can’t do this anymore”.
She had noticed the change in his behavior, but she thought it was just a rough patch that most couples go through. She thought everything would go back to normal. She thought if she tried enough, he would stay. She stopped going on tangents about anything and everything. She took on less hours at work to try and cook for him everyday. She tried to make plans with him. But he wouldn’t give her the time of day. She wondered what she did wrong. Was it something she did, something she said. Did she talk too much? Did he start to think her obsession with things was weird? Or did he simply just fall out of love with her? What could she do to change and bring him back.
The day he left, was the day her whole world fell apart. She quit her job, stopped taking care of herself, and stopped seeing her friends and family. Those around her grew worried, but there was nothing they could do. They couldn’t get her to eat, bathe, or even open the door to their her apartment.
2 years pass and Elaine has managed to move on. Now she has a new amazing job that she loves and some new friends. She moved out of the two bedroom apartment she once shared with her past lover, and moved into a one bedroom apartment that she absolutely adores. She has decorated it to be somewhat like her dream apartment. She’s got bookshelves lining a whole wall, the bookshelves filled with all of her favorite books and some memorabilia she’s gathered from traveling and from sharing memories with friends and family. The rest of her walls are filled with posters and pictures of things from her interests to friends and family.
She still fears that if she puts herself out there, that people will start leaving her again, and she doesn’t think she can go through the heart break again. She has closed herself off in some ways. She stopped sharing her interests with people, when asked about her day, she keeps it to a minimum. If she saw a rat on the subway on her way to work, she would say so. But she would refrain from talking about how it was the size of her arm and that it was carrying 2 slices of pizza on its back. Something else that she had started doing that she hadn’t noticed was that she started dressing in more bland colors. No more rainbows, sparkles, odd patterns, but more basics in black, white and beige. All the colors and patterns can come off too strongly to some people, better to keep the brightness to a minimum. But she is happier now. Happier than she was 2 years ago at least.
Elaine now works at the biggest music production company in the country, hoping that one day, she will be able to touch people's hearts with her music. One day, as she is on the way to a coffee shop during her break, she sees him. She sees his brown curly hair and his favorite jacket, waiting in line to order his favorite, an iced latte and a slice of banana bread… Zeke.
As she stands and stares in the doorway, she sees someone walk up to him and wrap an arm around his waist. She’s blonde and absolutely gorgeous. Probably the most beautiful woman that she’s ever seen. Whilst she examines the woman, she notices something on the woman's ring finger. A ring. An engagement ring. Simple, but elegant.
Elaine debates whether she should leave or stay and order her coffee. Before she can make her decision, he turns and spots her. He stares at her. She can’t seem to read his face. The woman whispers something into his ear and he looks down at his fiance and laughs. He turns back around to order their drinks.
Elaine stood there, motionless, wondering did he forget me? Is it that easy to forget me? What we had? Or did he just not want to acknowledge me? He’s obviously moved on, so should I. Maybe I should start seeing someone.
It was now Elaine’s turn to order, she stepped up to the cashier and ordered her usual, an iced coffee and a cheese danish for herself, as well as an americano and blueberry muffin for her coworker, to go. Once she paid, she stepped to the side and waited for them to call her name, indicating that her order was ready. As she waited, she tried her best to not acknowledge him. She didn’t look in his direction and didn’t stand near them. But he kept taking small glances at her. She could see this out of the corner of her eye and didn’t understand why he was doing this. Was it to see if she was jealous, if she was still heartbroken? Maybe he was trying to get a rise out of her.
Her name was called by one of the barista’s and she picked up her order and walked out the door as fast as she could. As soon as Elaine stepped out the door, it felt like she could finally take the breath that she didn’t realize she was holding. Before walking back to work, she looked back at him, but he wasn’t looking. Instead, he was pulling the woman, his fiance, close and kissing her, as if he knew Elaine was watching, wanting to make her feel some way.
As soon as she got back to work, Elaine dropped off the muffin and coffee at her coworkers desk. She was making her way back to her desk when her coworker, spencer, the one she had bought a muffin for, walked up to her and told her that their boss wished to speak to her. spencer gave her a shy smile as he walked away. Elaine raced to her boss’s office where she was told that she had to write a song for one of her favorite artists. She was told to write a ballad about being heartbroken, a song that would make people's hearts sink when they listen to the song. She told her boss that it was no problem, not wanting to be a disappointment. She immediately got to writing. She sat in one of the small studios in the building and began writing. She wrote lyrics as she played various chords on the piano. She worked for hours on end until the sun began to rise again. She hadn’t eaten or slept, but she believed she had written one of her favorite songs yet.
Once she had finished writing the song, she noticed it was 5 am. Elaine decided to race home quickly to refresh and then come back to the studio to show her boss the song she had just written, to get her boss's input. To say she was nervous was an understatement. As much as she loved her job, she hated having to share her work, for fear it would not be well received. She fears that the songs she works on aren't enough. But she pushed through her doubts, because at the end of the day, if she doesn’t believe in herself, then no one will.
She played the song for her boss, and they loved it. They told her to immediately record a demo of it and send it to the client. With that, she got to work. Stepping into one of the studios, the girl found spencer, the blueberry muffin lover. She immediately raced to him with excitement, telling him about how their boss loved the song she had written and wanted her to record a demo for it and send it to her favorite artist.
“That’s amazing! I’m not surprised honestly, you’re an amazing songwriter and musician. It was only a matter of time before your talent was recognized.” he smiled softly at her.
With the help of a producer, she recorded the demo and had it sent to the client, who absolutely loved it and wanted it to be the first single off their new album. Elaine was ecstatic because not only did she love it, but so did her boss and her favorite artist. Soon after, the client came to the recording studio in the building and started recording the song with the help of the girl and a few producers.
Once they had finished recording the song, the client stood there in silence. Elaine felt like she was melting in that studio, full of people she respects and admires. What of it turned out that they didn’t like the song anymore? That they didn’t want it anymore? What if they wanted someone else to write a song for them?
Finally, the client spoke, looking right at Elaine “You know, I don’t think I’m doing this song justice. I think you should record it, properly, and release it under your name. You’ve got an amazing voice and incredible song writing skills. I don’t think it’s fair of me to take this song from you.”
Elaine thought she was being messed with but after a few moments, realized that the client was being serious. It took a bit of convincing, but Elaine agreed to releasing this song under her own name. Of course she was shitting bricks at the thought of putting herself out there as a singer, but it was something she was excited for. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she was on the right path.
Leading up to the release of her first single, there were countless meetings and dinners with important people. People who had power in the music industry. So many contracts that had to be signed. She began to doubt whether it was something she was worthy of. All these people were taking a big risk in working with her. What if she turned out to be a waste of time, money, and effort.
One specific day, while she worked with lawyers and managers on getting her new career started, she stepped out of her office building to take a breather and gather her thoughts. But, as she does, she sees him, Zeke. He’s standing there with his big brown eyes looking directly at her. They stood there staring at each other, 8 feet apart, not saying a word.
After what seems like hours, he walks to her, not breaking eye contact. Her heart starts racing, wondering why he’s here, why he’s walking towards her. As soon as they are in arm's reach of each other, he hands her an envelope. She reluctantly takes it from his hand and sees her name written on the front, in beautiful cursive.
“It’s an invitation… to my wedding. It’s in a few months and I want you there. I know I kinda left abruptly and you’re probably pissed at me, but I hope between now and the wedding, we can reconnect and be happy for eachother. I mean I’m engaged now and you’re obviously seeing someone.”
She’s taken back by this comment, why does he think I’m seeing someone?
He sees the confusion on her face “At the coffee shop, you ordered two drinks and two pastries. I assumed that you were getting it for your partner.”
When he says this she thinks shit but she also thinks, since he’s moved on, she should pretend that she has too.
She tells him “Yeah, I’m seeing someone. I met him here at work a couple years ago.”
“Great, I’m glad we could both move on and be happy for eachother. I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat or a coffee sometime. We can catch up and reconnect?”
She agreed. She was curious as to why he left that day. It had been in the back of her mind for the past 2 years. Why not take this chance to find out? They set a time and date to meet and then said their goodbyes to each other.
For the next week, Elaine worked and worked, trying to get her new life in order. She made her way to the coffee shop they had agreed to meet at. As soon as she walked in, she saw him sitting at a table in the corner. He smiled and waved her over. She walked over and sat down, noticing that he had already ordered for the both of them. In front of her, on the table, sat her favorite drink, but it was hot. She hated hot drinks. Even when it was freezing outside, she always ordered cold drinks. A pastry sat next to the drink, it was a pastry that she’d never tried.
“I remember these were your favorites. I’m not sure if they still are but hopefully you still like them.”
“Yeah, thanks” she says with a smile. She hated that she still loved him, after all this time. Even after he got her coffee order wrong and claimed it was her favorite.
They sat there in silence wondering what to talk about.
“So uh, how have you been since… you know” Zeke says, giving her a toothy smile.
“Since you left me out of the blue? Yeah I’m doing pretty good” she says with a laugh
He lets out a chuckle
“I’ve got a new job, new apartment, new partner. I’m doing great. How about you?”
“Yeah, I’ve been good. I got a big promotion, new house, and I’m getting married to an amazing woman.”
When he says this, she feels her heart sink into her stomach.
“Tell me about her.” she says
“Well, she is a nurse. During her free time, she volunteers at an animal shelter. She’s constantly bringing home stray animals as well, hoping she can find them new homes. One of the things I love about her. She uh, she also loves painting. She’s constantly painting something new. We have about 20 of her paintings around the house.” he says with a smile on his face. “Tell me about your guy. What’s he like?”
Elaine panics as he says this. She doesn’t have a guy. So she thinks of someone she could describe, spencer.
As she begins speaking, she smiles “Um, well, he’s a songwriter. We met at work when he was asked to write a song and he needed some help. We sort of hit it off from there. He plays the guitar like it's no one's business. But he can play so many other instruments like the bass, drums, piano, and quite surprisingly, the banjo.” She laughs when she says this, thinking about how absurd it is that spencer can play the banjo. Not only can he play it, but he plays it so well, he might as well be a professional banjo player, if that’s even a thing.
Elaine continues “He loves getting up early in the morning and going to watch the sunrise. And he loves cooking. He makes the best pesto pasta. You should come over one day and try it.”
“I’d love to. We should all get together one day and have dinner. My fiance and I and you and your mate.”
“Yeah, just let me know when you two are free. spencer and I usually only busy during the day.”
“I’ll check with my fiance but yeah, I’ll let you know. What else have you been up to? Any gossip going around that you can share? I’m sure there’s a ton with the amount of celebrities you work with.”
She hates that he’s asking her this. She told him everyday that she did not feel comfortable sharing anything she heard at work, as it was not any of her business and she wouldn’t weather business being aired out either.
“Not so much gossip that I can share but, I am currently in the process of releasing a song.”
“Really?” he asks in a doubtful tone. “That’s… amazing! I know how much you wanted to be a big song writer, and now you’re gonna be a big star.”
“I’m not so sure about being a big star.”
“Oh no, believe me, you are gonna go on to play in stadiums and sell out tours, and win awards. Trust me, I know you, and I know how talented and hard working you are. You’re gonna be the biggest star anyones ever seen." His tone makes him seem like he’s being sarcastic.
She feels her cheeks turn red, not from flattery, but from anger. He never once said he believed in her. Never once stated that she was talented. Always changing conversation topics when she would bring up her work.
“Thank you. I’m really excited for this next step in my life.”
“Yeah, no problem. I’m glad we saw each other that day, and that we can talk now. And again, I’m sorry for leaving abruptly all those years ago. I’m not sure what exactly happened but, I’m sorry. I really am” he says. But she doesn’t believe him. She doesn’t think he’s actually sorry for his actions.
“It’s okay. Things happen. People change and there’s nothing we can do about it. Listen, it’s getting late and I should get going, but let me know when we can all sit down and have dinner.”
“Yeah of course, take care.”
They stand up and hug before leaving. As soon as they touch, she remembered what it felt like to be with him. She sank into his arms immediately, not wanting to let go. She hoped that time would freeze. That she could be his for even another minute. Maybe there’s a chance he could love her again. Maybe she could be enough this time. But eventually, they did part. They walked out of the shop together and then went different directions.
As soon as she got home, she panicked thinking I gotta talk to “my guy”. She picks up her phone and texts spencer, asking him to meet her in front of her apartment building in an hour. He fortunately agrees without questioning it.
An hour later, they meet at the front of her apartment building.
“Hey, What’s up? Are you okay? Why’d you need to meet so soon?” he says while walking up to her, worry was sketched into his face.
“Well you see, I may or may not have bumped into my ex who is now engaged and then talked to him and now he thinks that I’m also seeing someone when I’m not because I need him to think that I have moved on because he moved on and he invited me to his wedding and he needs to think I’ve moved on and that I’m happy.”
“I-. Seems like you’ve gotten yourself in quite the predicament.” he lets out a small laugh. “But why do you need me, specifically?”
“I need you to pretend that we’ve been dating for like a year and maybe, possibly, pretty please, be my date to their wedding.”
“Oh.” he laughs “I mean, sure. I’m down to help you out. Let me know what our story is so that I can get into character” he jokes
“Really? Are you sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I know this is a weird request and stuff.” She's beginning to regret her decisions and panics a bit.
“Yeah. I’m totally down. It actually sounds kind of fun, almost like I’m crashing a wedding but I'm not. I also sort of owe you for all the help at work. I wouldn’t have been able to get some of those projects done so quickly without you.”
“Oh, yeah that was no problem. But are you really sure you’re okay with helping me with this?”
“Most definitely. Text me the details when you can. We can begin scheming.” he tells her as he begins to walk away.
She tells him “Alright. Thanks spencer, I really appreciate it.”
As he turned around, Elaine swore she saw his eyes twinkle.
She goes back to her apartment and takes a breath and wonders what the hell did I get myself into.
A month has passed and it’s time for all four of them to have dinner together. They all meet at Elaine's apartment. Since Elainel has been working every hour of every day, her “partner” arrives at her apartment ahead of time so that he can prepare dinner for everyone.
Zeke and his fiance, Kayla, arrive and they all gather around the table and begin to eat. They all make small talk with each other, starting with whatever is on the news. As time went on, they all began to feel comfortable enough around each other to talk about what’s happening in their lives and how everyone knows each other. As far as Kayla knows, Zeke and Elaine were friends a few years back til work got in the way and they lost touch.
Throughout the whole dinner, Zeke tries to steal glances at the girl but she doesn’t give in. He tries grazing her leg with his foot but she ignores it. She doesn’t understand why he’s doing this. He’s happily engaged with a new job and new house.
spencer soon notices how uncomfortable Elaine is and tries his best to subtly reassure her. He pulls her chair a little closer to himself, not realizing that he’s just saved her from having the man touch her leg again. He asks her if she’s okay and she tells him she’s fine, giving him a smile that he can see right through.
They all talk and laugh all night until it’s time for Zeke and Kayla to go home. The couple say their goodbyes and leave.
spencer stays back and helps Elaine clean.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asks her.
“Yeah, I just- It was just weird, the whole dinner thing.” she tries to brush him off. But he doesn’t let up.
“Don’t lie to me. I could see how visibly uncomfortable you were. Was he doing something to make you uncomfortable?”
“No, he didn’t do anything. Please just drop it. It’s been a long night.” she says, feeling exhausted.
“Fine. But this conversation isn’t over yet.” he says as he begins to walk out.
“Thanks.” she calls out to him before he can walk out the door. “For helping me and for cooking dinner tonight. I really appreciate it. The pesto was really good. And thanks for checking up on me, you didn’t need to.” she tries to put on a smile for him. But he can’t help but see right through it, and knows right now isn’t the time to push her to talk yet.
He simply nods and tells her “It was no problem. I’m always here if you need anything.” He smiles at her as he walks out the door. Telling her goodnight and that he’d see her the next day.
A few hours later, Elaine is in her apartment, getting ready for bed when all of a sudden, there’s a knock at her door. She walks to the door to see who could possibly be knocking at her door so late at night. She opens it to see Zeke. She wasn’t sure what to do. Not only did she feel exhausted, but she also wanted to know what was going through his head, why was he here?
She tells him to come in and asks him why he’s back at her apartment, especially so late at night.
He looks at her and just says “I love you. I never stopped loving you. I’ve loved you since the first night I met you. I never stopped loving you.”
She’s confused and angry. He left her, out of the blue, and immediately got into another relationship. He made her feel small and foolish. He made her feel unlovable. Unworthy.
She looks him in the eyes and asks “Then why did you leave?”
He holds her stare and says “Because I was an idiot. I didn’t know what I wanted.”
“You didn’t know what you wanted? Really? That’s your answer?”
“Well it’s not like it’s entirely my fault that our relationship ended the way it did. I mean, you had as much of a role in our demise as I did.”
“Excuse me?” She can’t believe him and his audacity “Tell me, what the fuck did I do that made our relationship end? Please, tell me. Go on then.”
“Well I mean, for starters, you were always talking about yourself. You know what, no, you just were always talking. Nonstop. It’s like you couldn’t stand the fucking silence or letting someone else talk. Like who cares if you saw a rat on the subway. It’s New York City for fucks sake. That shit happens everyday.”
“What else?” she asked, trying to keep the tears from falling.
“You are always so full of yourself. You really think you’re talented? You really think you can amount to something? You write songs. Woo fucking hoo, congratulations. Millions of people can do that, it doesn’t make you special. Just because you got given this new career, doesn’t mean shit. Talentless people make and release music all the time. It doesn’t mean shit. When are you gonna realize that you don’t matter. That people aren’t going to love you like I do.”
“Stop spewing that shit at me. You have no right to say that.”
“No, I have every right considering I wasted so many years on you.”
Eventually, she lost it. Tears were streaming down her face and she stopped holding back.
“I was a fool for loving you and thinking you loved me too. I did everything for you. Everything I did was all for you. But it didn’t mean shit to you. You kept me waiting for your love for years. And I acted like it was fine, like I was fine. I thought maybe someday you’d come around and that it would be something we laughed about when we were older. But I finally learned my lesson. I was naive and foolish to think you could ever love anyone but yourself.”
“Stop with the theatrics for god's sake. All you needed to do when we were together was give me space and be chill and hold your fucking tongue. I’m trying to give you a chance with me again. Just take me back and we can pretend this never happened. You can have a purpose in life again.”
She stares at him not knowing that to say or do. She can’t believe the audacity of this man to come into her home and say that shit. She can’t believe that at one point in time, she loved him.
“Go.” she tells him.
“What the fuck are you saying.”
“Go, get out. Get out of my fucking apartment, I never want to see you again.” Elaine said as she pointed towards the door.
He looked at her in disbelief “I walk out that door, then this is over for good.” He gestured between them, “You won’t get another chance.”
“Leave.”
“Fine, just remember that you did this to yourself. Have fun spending the rest of your life alone and unsuccessful.”
He walks out of the apartment and she slams the door shut.
The girl had a lot of regrets in her life. But her biggest regret was him. She regretted putting him on such a pedestal. For treating him like he was the sun. For years, she watched him as he tolerated her. She was a fool for him. She waited patiently, but she was never enough for him.
Her first single made it to the top 10 on the charts. Her schedule was booked full with interviews from various magazines and entertainment channels. Everyone kept asking her “When’s the album coming out?” “Who's the song about?” “Is there a potential love interest in your life right now?” “This man claims the song was written about him, is it true?”. Millions of questions, some that she refused to answer.
Her first few months of fame were chaotic to say the least. The only time she felt at peace and like she could be herself was when she was in the studio where she first wrote the song. Oftentimes, she would sit in that studio and just sit in silence, savoring the calm. As she’s about to close her eyes and take a little nap, she hears a knock on the door. She calls out to the person behind the door stating that they could come in. The door opens and she sees it’s her “partner”. She smiles as spencer walks in, taking a seat next to her.
“So, how’s fame treating you?”
“It’s pretty tiring if I’m honest.” she laughs
“It looks tiring.” he laughs with her. “Why are you here alone? Shouldn’t you be mingling with the big names right now? You know, out partying and stuff.”
“Not my kind of thing. How are things with you? What have you been up to?”
“Just the same old stuff. The only difference is that my projects are getting out slower now that my writing partner is big and famous.” he says jokingly
“Writing partner? Really? Since when did I get promoted to your “writing partner”?”
“I’m only joking. But yeah, it’s not the same around here without you.” he smiles softly at her “I never got to check up on you after that dinner. Are you okay?”
“Well I mean, I’m as okay as I can be. No one really teaches you what to do when a “good man” hurts you, so.”
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that. He seems like an ass. ”
“You only met him once.” she stated, letting out a small laugh. She continues “Yeah, you know what’s crazy? He came back to my apartment a few hours after dinner.”
“Why? What did he want?”
“He just asked for me to take him back, and when I said no, he told me it wasn’t just his fault that we ended the way we did. He said it was also my fault. He also said some other fucked up shit but, it doesn’t matter. He was right.”
“Whatever he said, that night, don’t believe him. You guys ended because he’s a dick, not because of anything you did.”
“You don’t know what happened.”
“No, I don’t. But I do know you. I know you Elaine. You are a talented songwriter. You are someone who never gives up. Someone who will put others before herself. Someone who is unstoppable. Someone who loves unconditionally and is also unconditionally loved. Someone who remembers everyone's favorite order at the coffee shop so that no one feels left out. You are worthy of all the good in the world. I know who you are. ”
She looks at him. Wondering if she really is worth it.
But she simply replies “Thank you.”
When she’s left with her own thoughts, Elaine starts to wonder, would she be able to sail through the changing ocean tides? Maybe. Would she be able to handle the seasons of her life? Maybe.
All she knows is that she’ll always believe in herself. Believe that there are people who love her. That support her. That appreciate her. That see her, for who she truly is.
Maybe one day.
#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fic#spencer reid imagine#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fic#spencer reid x oc#spencer reid x fem!readr
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the april incident from last year finally got resolved and i feel numb.
#my former friend wrote me an email and im like well might as well say goodbye properly#it was very dramatic bc we're both dramatic#did it take almost a year to resolve it? yes#and like we haven't been exactly friends since then... but it's actually over#like do you even feel relieved and mournful at the same time?#this was regarding a bad trip and one that i got screwed over#i cannot believe she tried to blame half of it on me tho....#absolutely not like i have a better memory than her so....#im not bitter just tired. also really glad i mentioned the part where she made us sleep in a room with a fucking stranger#and i didn't know it was a stranger until he left.... she put our lives in danger lol#and then she ignored me the whole time and was talking shit about me to her roommate while she was in the bathroom#that was fucked up weekend#anyways life is strange and now i have cats#random
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This 2024 I want for the devs to make a Thirteen's arc, I want to know why she hates her sister so much, why she's so lonely and likes to isolate herself... I want to know more about her, what the whole deal with the reapers are 🙏🙏
#post0400#Finally got her memory Ur and... so so#better than the halloween one but she only appears at the last chapter... ah....#both Mephisto & Raphael ones were absolutely better.... I want what they have /j#I feel like they sometimes they just don't know what to do with her tbh
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You know what hits me hard? When 5 to 6 year old children, all the way in Southeast Asia, knows about what's happening in Palestine right now. That children their age is getting bombed, that they're starving to death, that they're getting shot at, and sniped in the head. Because, just this past 2 or so months, I heard some of the little ones in the Kindergarten classes I'm TAing in as an Intern talk about it. Hell, one of the little boys downright said he didn't like Israel, because Israel is bad, because they do scary things. Another was questioning whether Palestine was bad too, because, "why else would they shooting at them?". A little girl in one of my classes doesn't want to finish her food at all, because she wants to save at least half her meat and rice for kids in Palestine, because she heard that, they don't have food.
And that's just the ones I remember. Namely the inciting cases before their classmates slowly follow suit. The littles are fricking SCARED. We had to sit these kids down, and tell them that the topic is too mature for them at the moment, that they shouldn't even be concerned because they're KINDERGARTNERS, they're not even old enough to properly understand. The one teacher I was TAing for had to make a class announcement saying that.
What gets me is, these are 5 to 6 year olds, the youngest I've worked with in this specific age group is 4. 5 years old on average, and they've already been exposed to the worst horrors genocide has to offer through the news and snippets of conversation among adults and hell, considering how many of them say they like to play games on Mama's phone, or their IPad, even from fricking social media.
And the fact that, these literal babies, from all the way in Cambodia, has more empathy in their entire body and soul, than full grown fricking adults have in the nail of their pinky finger, gets me. FFS we as adults could LEARN from them I feel sometimes. I honestly don't know what to feel about it anymore. On the one hand, this is the next generation I'm working with. And if the next generation's default response to a tragedy such as Palestine, is what I've seen come up on occasion so far? Perhaps there's some bloody hope for this world after all. At least in this country. Especially since a majority of them already come from families who survived a genocide. These are the 3rd - 4th generation descendants of those who survived the Khmer Rouge. They've got grandparents at home, who no doubt are more than intimately familiar with what Palestine is going through right now. And it shows.
But on the other, it makes my heart sink because these are CHILDREN, these are LITTLE KIDS, they should be playing with their toys and watching cartoons and talking to their friends about everything from Spiderman to Speakerman to Kuromi and her friends, and be worried about whether or not they can go to playground that day, guranteed they're well behaved, or if Mama remembered to pack in their costume for swimming lessons that week. NOT JUST MY KIDS. But the little ones in Palestine too. They deserve better. They all deserve, so much better. Hell, it's come to the point that whenever I look at my kiddos right now, whether they'd be working in class, playing, doing something as mundane as eating lunch or getting ready for their nap. I think of the children their age in Palestine that didn't even get the chance to survive. I think of the ones whose memories from this age, is nothing but absolute horror and pain, rather than what has slowly become my normal, who never got to experience what my littles do on a daily basis right now.
Children shouldn't even be concerned about "War", about a Genocide. The last thing that should be on a 5 year old's mind, is pain, and suffering, and the worst horrors imaginable ever to be inflicted on a human being. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S INFLICTED, ON OTHER CHILDREN THEIR AGE. And for that alone, the world has failed them. Especially the kids in Palestine who didn't ask for any of this. They just wanted to carry on with life as kids do, the same way as my littles do on a daily basis no doubt, learning, playing, chatting with friends over their favourite cartoons and characters, worrying about whether they'd get to go to the playground or not that day.
I apologize for talking about this on this blog. I know my blog tends to be lighter in feel, a lot more unhinged and light hearted typically. I mean, I'm just a fricking nerd who likes to draw and write, and lurk about her favourite fandoms to consume and support what is shared among other nerds who also like to draw and write. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. About contemplating it, especially since I'll be back on a roll tomorrow, working with my kiddos again after not seeing them for 5 days straight because of Holidays. And, I just had to talk about it. This is something I felt I couldn't keep to myself this time, I don't think my soul'd be able to carry it. I had to talk about it.
FREE PALESTINE. Our children deserve better.
#free palestine#gaza#palestine#rafah#israel#current events#gaza strip#human rights#childrens rights#save the children#cease fire in gaza#cease fire now#cease fire permanently#palestinian genocide#support gaza#pray for palestine#ceasfire now
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#it went better than i thought#like dont get me wrong#i very much knew it was gonna happen someday#and i thought when it did id wanna kms#but i dont?#like i do wanna cry but i also have a test tomorrow and i kinda care more about the test?#like could i do it?#absolutely not ohmygod never#but like good for her#the part of me that hates her is happy cuz its like everything she does makes her memory shrink more#the person i used to know and her now are so different that if she started texting me from a random acc that i wasn't knew was her#i would never figure it out#but also we wont be friends cuz wow i realised how much i dont like her#the part of me that loves her is happy cuz shes happy#i feel like this was closure for me#like i can stop checking her socials#the fact that she made a new life without me somehow makes me feel like it's okay for me to make a new life for me#like all the grief i had over her was so heavy and now its jusy so tiny#its like a cute pebble on the side of the road instead of a roadblock#people will keep falling out of my life and it'll keep being okay#honestly it was kinda cringe and creepy and weird of me to keep checking her tumblr when i missed her for a browser cuz she blocked my acc#like ew that was a loser moment that my future therapist will have to deal with#but that post felt like the closure i needed so ig i did reduce the total amount of therapy id need cuz of her#anywayyyyyy#i hope someone feels that way about me someday#ALSO HOLY FUCK ITS PAST MIDNIGHT THE TEST STARTS IN 9ISH HOURS BYE
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written in the stars.
pairing: theodore nott x reader.
song inspiration: until i found you by stephen sanchez feat. em beihold.
author's note: boyfriend theo is the best theo. if you're wondering, then yes writing this hurt me as much as it hurts reading it but like in the best way possible.
Theodore Nott has always had an affinity for the stars.
When he was younger, Theo's mother used to take him to the rooftop of Nott Manor and point out the constellations to him. The stars told stories, his mum had said. Theo listened with rapt attention as she recounted the tales of Aquila, Heracles, and Orion as they glittered against the backdrop of the English countryside.
The two of them would make an entire evening out of it. Laying on his back atop a nest of blankets and pillows, little Theo watched as the stars climbed higher and higher, filling the horizon with hope and light. Stargazing had been their special secret. The one thing that wasn’t tainted by his abusive father. Theo guarded the memory of those nights in his heart like a priceless treasure.
After his mother’s passing, Theo continued their tradition of stargazing. Even if she was no longer alive, all he had to do was look up at the sky to feel her with him. For that reason, the stars were special to him and he’d never shared its meaning with anyone.
Until tonight.
“Watch your step, cara mia.” Theo said as he guided you by the small of your back.
The dark cloth covering your eyes prohibited you from seeing, but you trusted your boyfriend to keep you from falling. Though you weren’t a fan of surprises, Theo was impossible to resist. All he had to do was flash those pretty watercolor eyes at you and you were an absolute goner.
For you, Theo had always been the exception.
He guided you up a staircase, keeping a firm grip on your waist as the two of you ascended. Wherever you were going, it was pretty high up. You smiled as Theo took hold of your waist, knowing that you weren't the biggest fan of heights. Sometimes it felt like he knew you better than you knew yourself. When you reached the top, Theo unfastened his tie from behind your head.
“You can open your eyes now, sweetheart.”
You blinked, letting your eyes adjust to the dark. The wind whistled through the stone arches of the Astronomy Tower, framing the starkissed night with its marble pillars. The soft glow of the moon illuminated the nest of blankets and pillows arranged in the middle of the wooden floor.
“Did you do all of this for me, babe?”
Theo smiled. “I thought you might like to go stargazing with me,” he said, his voice soft. “Do you like it, my love?”
“I love it, Teddy.” You beamed, standing on your tiptoes to kiss his nose. “But not nearly as much as I love you.”
Theo grinned before pulling you in for a proper kiss. His lips were soft against yours and he tasted like peppermint. Butterflies erupted in your stomach as your knees buckled slightly. Theo never failed to make you feel like a lovestruck school girl. It never stopped feeling like this despite how many times you kissed this boy.
As if reading your thoughts, Theo smiled against your lips. “Come on, Y/N. I want to show you my favorite constellations.”
The two of you laid down beneath the stars, making yourself comfortable amidst the blankets and pillows. Wordlessly, Theo pulled you into his arms and you nestled into the crook of his neck, breathing in the familiar scent of sea salt spray and sun kissed skin.
“Tell me the story of the stars, Teddy.”
He smiled, brushing your hair back. “That one right there is Ursa Major. Otherwise known as the Big Dipper, but if you look at the entire constellation, it actually forms a bear.”
“I remember learning about that when I was little,” you said, gazing up at the sky. “Didn’t it have something to do with Zeus?”
Theo nodded. “In Greek mythology, the Olympian God Zeus fell in love with Callisto and got her pregnant. After she gave birth to the child, Hera was so mad she turned Callisto into a bear.”
“That hardly seems fair,” you responded with a frown.
“Zeus was a bit of a wanker,” Theo said in agreement. “Hera was even worse. She cursed Callisto to wander the forest for years in bear form until she was hunted by her own son Arcas. Just as he raised his spear to strike her down, Zeus stepped in and sent them up to the heavens. Callisto as Ursa Major and Arcas as Bootes.”
“The Greek gods were truly a piece of work,” you replied. “But at least we got those constellations out of them."
You squinted, pointing at the cluster of stars hovering in the east. “What’s that one?”
“That’s the constellation of Leo,” explained Theo. “Named after the Nemean lion that Heracles defeated during the first of his twelve labours.”
“Didn’t he make a cloak out of the lion’s pelt?”
“Smart girl,” Theo said proudly. “The cloak made Heracles invincible and more fearsome than he already was. The Nemean lion’s heart is made up of the star Regulus, which is associated with the arrival of spring.”
“The Little King. I read that it burns hotter than the sun.”
Theo couldn’t help but smile. Before he met you, he never thought he’d find someone to share such a special and intimate thing with. He was worried that no one else would understand his love for the stars, but as he watched you peer curiously up at the sky, your nose scrunched in careful concentration, Theo felt all of his doubts fade away.
“Regulus is unique because it can be seen in both the Northern and Southern hemispheres.”
The blue star glittered brightly above your heads, as if it was showing off for the occasion. “It’s beautiful,” you breathed.
Theo stared at you, at the childlike wonder shimmering in your eyes, and he felt like the breath had been knocked out of his lungs. The gravity of what he felt for you hit him all at once.
“Yeah,” Theo said softly, still looking at you. “Beautiful.”
You grinned, intertwining your fingers and kissing his knuckles. “How do you know so much about the stars, Teddy?”
“My mum taught me.” Theo answered, drawing circles on your hip. “When I was little, she used to take me to the rooftop of the manor and tell me the story behind each star. She was fascinated by them. Before she met my father, she wanted to teach astronomy at the Stati Magia.”
“The Italian School of Witchcraft?”
Theo nodded. “My mother attended the Stati Magia, just like her mother and her mother before her. A tradition that I unintentionally broke, as nonna Lucia loves to remind me. Sometimes I think the old bat wishes that I was born a strega instead.”
You giggled. “You would’ve been a very pretty witch.” Theo chuckled as you propped your head up in one hand. “Did your mum end up becoming a professor?”
“No,” Theo said sadly. “After I was born, my father said that her place was at the manor. He refused to move to Florence, even though he knew it was my mother’s dream.”
You stroked his hair, nodding emphatically. Theo rarely talked about his mother. You knew that her passing was a painful subject for him, so you never pushed him to talk about it unless he wanted to.
“That’s awful. I’m so sorry, my love,” you said. “But at least she was able to pass down her love of the stars to you. In a way, she lived her dream by teaching you.”
A soft smile tugged at your boyfriend’s lips. “I suppose she did.”
You laid back down, but this time you cradled Theo against you. He rested his head against your chest, listening to the calming sound of your heartbeat. Talking about his mother will always be hard, but you helped ease the pain.
“What about those stars?” You asked, pointing to the north. “What did your mother tell you about them?”
“Perseus and Andromeda,” Theo answered. “Those are actually her favorites.”
“The chained maiden.”
Theo stirred, inclining his gaze to the horizon. “Andromeda was the Princess of Aethiopia, the daughter of King Cepheus and Queen Cassiopeia. She was said to be very beautiful. Her mother bragged that Andromeda was fairer than the Nereids, which angered Poseidon. As punishment, the Sea God sent the creature Cetus to ravage that coast of their kingdom.”
You nodded, recalling the story. “King Cepheus chained her to a rock and offered her as a sacrifice to appease the sea monster.”
“Luckily for Andromeda, the hero Perseus found her before Cetus could attack again. Perseus fell in love with Andromeda and defeated the monster so he could free the princess. They ended up marrying and became king and queen of Mycenae. When they died, the goddess Athena placed them side by side in the heavens so that they would never be parted, not even by death.”
“A love written in the stars,” you said with awe and wonder. “I can see why it’s your mother’s favorite.”
“When I was a boy, she told me that she hoped I’d experience a love like theirs, minus the sea monster of course.” You chuckled. Theo knit his brows together like he did when he was deep in thought. When he spoke again, his voice was barely audible. “It’s sad to think that she never found her Perseus.”
You brushed his hair back, running your fingers through his curls gently. “She might not have found her Perseus, but she did have her Theo.”
Theo turned over and looked at you. The intensity in his gaze made you shiver. He was so ingrained in your heart that it felt inaccurate to continue calling it yours.
“After she died, I never thought I’d share her stories with anyone again, but I’m glad I shared them with you.”
“Thank you for trusting me, Theo.” You said as you placed a kiss on his temple. “It means the world to me that you not only shared your mother’s stories, but her memory as well. I would’ve loved to meet her.”
The tender smile on Theo’s face was heartbreaking. Then softly, he whispered. “She would’ve loved you, Y/N.”
Your heart cracked open, his words spilling like sunlight over every crevice, warming you from the inside out.
Tears formed at the corners of your eyes, but you forced yourself to give Theo a watery smile. “Because I’m a nerd who memorized obscure mythological facts?”
Your boyfriend smiled. “No,” he said gently, caressing your cheek. “Because you made her wish come true. You are my love written in the stars, cara mia.”
The moonlight kissed Theo’s tan skin, the silver beams caressing his face like a lover as if the moon and the stars craved to commit his beauty to memory as badly as you did. Gods, he was breathtaking.
This was the Teddy you knew and loved. Your Teddy.
Those watercolor eyes shimmered with emotion. “Sometimes I think the gods made you just for me, like our souls are linked in a way that neither logic nor magic can explain. Whatever it is, I think I’ve loved you since before the heavens and the earth existed and I’m fairly certain that I’d still love you even after the last star falls out of the sky.”
“You’re the love of my life, Theodore Nott.” Tears streamed down your cheeks as this boy—this beautiful boy ensnared your mind, body, and soul. “I’d find you in any universe and in any galaxy. Maybe someday we’ll be immortalized in the stars too.”
Theo held your face in his hands. His expression was open and vulnerable, like he wasn’t afraid to lay himself bare before you. As if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“We’re two halves of a whole,” Theo said. “I loved you yesterday. I love you today and I’ll love you tomorrow. You’re it for me, Y/N. You and no one else.”
“You and no one else, Teddy.”
Under the constellations of the star crossed lovers, Theo kissed you so gently that it made your heart ache. As Andromeda and Perseus kept watch over the horizon, Theodore Nott knew one thing for certain.
Someday the stars would tell your story too.
#theodore nott#theo nott#theo nott fic#theodore nott fic#theo nott smut#theo nott fluff#theo nott x reader#theodore nott x reader#theo nott x y/n#theo nott x you#theo nott imagine#draco malfoy#enzo berkshire#mattheo riddle#blaize zabini
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lady with the butterfly necklace in the portrait [part one]
[summary: angel asks about the portrait of a woman in the hallway]
[warning: angst: mentions of death]
Lucifer at the portrait in the lobby of the hotel. Staring longingly at the woman in the portrait, her [hair length] hair and [e/c] eyes. She was absolutely gorgeous he felt a twinge of pain, as he reached out towards the portrait. How his heart ached, as he placed his hand on the portrait.
Her smile could light up any room, and make anyone smile. She was beautiful, the butterfly necklace wrapped around her neck. Her smile her portrait, portrayed her with grace and poise.
Angel looked towards Lucifer, as he stared at the portrait “You’ve been gawking at the portrait for minutes?” He said, walking up behind him causing the king of Hell to glance over at him.
“Who’s that?” asked Angel, curiously as he liked this popsicle. Lucifer smiled softly reminiscing on the good times he spent with her, “She was my wife,” said Lucifer, his smile faltering the pain in his chest unbearable.
Angel looked at the portrait, of the lady. A young Charlie sat on her lap, smiling. A butterfly hair clip in her hair. Lucifer stood beside his wife and daughter, smiling.
Angel looked at him and folded his arms across his chest, “Where is she now?” He asked, blatantly.
Lucifer eyes lowered to the ground, fixated. He looked slowly back up at the portrait, he missed her so much that it hurt. He should’ve stopped her, he should’ve protected her. He should’ve been a better husband.
Angel figured it out by the silence, and had an inkling that she was no longer with us. Yet, his blatant curiosity and slight being noisy got the better of him. Force of habit.
“She was amazing, loving, kind, i see as much as her in Charlie as much as I see myself.” He said, and Charlie looked at him sadly. She vaguely remembered that how her father, completely broke down.
“S-She..” He shuddered, looking down using his cane to support himself. He still remembered that day as if it were yesterday. The look of horror and sadness plastered on his face. When he opened the door, and a sinner demon was holding the lifeless body of their queen.
His wife
His partner
He stared at the floor for a moment, as tears threatened to brim his eyes. “There was a knock at the door,”He said, looking back up at the others.
Her wings torn from her body and stained with, gold ichor. She looked peaceful and had a faint smile, on her lips. Her body covered in scratches and cut. A slash around her neck, stared blankly and took her body into his arms.
His eyes turned into slits and the sinner demon bowed, and apologized for his loss. “S-She told me to tell you to take care of Charlie for me, and that she loves you two more than anything.” The demon said, sadly and Lucifer just stood there emotionless.
He didn’t notice Charlie rubbing her eyes, as she walked up behind him. Wondering what her father was doing at the front door, until she noticed. “Mama?” said Charlie, curiously. Lucifer world seemed to spin, how much more can Heaven take from him. His wife and unborn child was gone.
“She died protecting what few sinners she could,” He said, clearing his throat. “She was pregnant,” He shuddered, placing his hand over his mouth and dragging it downward. Angel looked at him sadly, almost regretting having asked the question entirely.
Angel seethed his teeth, feeling bad. “I didn’t mean to-” said Angel, but was interrupted by Lucifer.
Lucifer shook his head, “No, it’s okay, it happened awhile ago.” He said, even though it was true it happened ninety years ago. The memory was still fresh and it felt like it happened yesterday.
There were nights he couldn’t sleep, tossing and turning. Still missing the warmth of his beloved of his partner, her laughter that used to wake him up every morning as Charlie leaped into their bed. Her absolute beautiful singing voice, and how the rare butterflies of hell would flock to her. As if she was their queen.
“S-She sounds amazing,” said Angel, as he looked at the portrait, and a smile grew across Lucifer’s lips. “Yeah, she was.” said Lucifer, as he gripped the ring around his neck being held by a chain.
A duck swam towards the edge of the pond in Heaven, there sat a woman humming to herself. A scar around her neck as she began to feed the ducks. She giggled, as one flapped its wings at the sight of the bread. She lifted her head revealing her [e/c] eyes.
#lucifer morningstar x reader#lucifer morningstar#Lucifer x reader#hazbin hotel lucifer x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#lucifer magne#x reader#fanfic#angst#romance#hazbin hotel
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Hii hope you’re doing well, I was wondering if I could request a criminal minds blurb where reader is Penelope’s best friend and they’ve met for lunch in a cafe near Quantico, and reader is telling Penny about this new guy she hooked up with a few nights ago, reader tells Penny how big the guy was and then a few minutes later Spencer walks in and reader is like “P omg that’s the guy!!” And gestures towards Spencer who’s the only person ordering at the counter? I just feel like Penny would be equal parts both shocked and horrified that her sweet innocent boy Spence has a sex life but also that he’s HUNG?? I literally love you and all your Spencer works and I feel like you’d write this perfectly 🫶🫶
this post is 18+, minors dni.
Penelope is absolutely enraptured by the play-by-play you're murmuring to her over the low din of the cafe's patronage. The whirring and grinding of the machines behind the counter only further aid in your attempt to keep your conversation private, and you can smell sweet strawberries on the bubbly blonde when you lean in to give her details.
"And he reached for his fly- ooh, Penny, the way his arms looked," You gush, remembering the thick veins that had corded his bone while he'd wrestled with his belt, "He whipped his belt out of the way, and- stop!" You urge her when she wriggles her brows at you, "He took his pants off, Penny, and I swear to god I've seen thighs thinner than that dick."
Her resulting squeal is much less hushed than you'd managed to keep the rest of your conversation, and you swat at the arm that's not holding her coffee. She gets the message but resorts to stamping her feet beneath the table instead, a repeated clicking that blends in much better with the mechanical whirring of the baristas' handiwork.
"He was so thick, and Jesus- Penny, he was long, too, just big all around," You recall, insides throbbing with a phantom ache at the memory of what you'd taken last night, "I swear he had me seeing stars," You sigh, glancing down at the pale pink ring of lip gloss around the mouth of your cup, "I'd beg him to come over again tonight, but I think I need a week to recover."
"A week," She breathes dreamily, "I could barely feel the last guy I had."
"Oh, I could feel him," You laugh, "It's like I still can, I'm pretty sure he bruised- oh fuck!"
"What?" Penelope's brow dips instantly, concern etched into her pretty features, "What's wrong?"
"It's him," You grip her hand, nails digging into her skin, "It's the guy from last night!"
"Big dick dude?" She asks, and your frantic nod confirms her theory.
She tries to be subtle, bless her, when she turns to see him, but when the only person that she sees standing in line for a drink is her coworker, her brain chugs along slower than normal.
Where's big dick dude?
Oh, Spencer's here!
I don't see big dick dude.
Spencer is-
You're not sure even the most talented actor could ever recreate the sheer horror swimming in her gaze when she turns to face you again. Her eyes are blown wide and her mouth, lined in a pretty fuchsia paste, is downturned in a grimace.
"Please tell me you're not talking about the skinny mess in the sweater vest."
"That's exactly who I'm talking about!" You gush, trying to avoid his gaze lest he thinks you're trying to follow him around, "Penny, isn't he dreamy?"
"That's- oh my god," She recalls your descriptions, thicker than thighs, longer than you've ever seen, "I have to resign."
#🌚 anon#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid one-shot#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid headcanons#spencer reid headcanon#spencer reid hc#spencer reid hcs#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid blurb#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid dialogue#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader fanfiction#spencer reid smut
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Better The Devil You Know.
Yandere Chrollo x Reader.
Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, discussions of past minor character death, and descriptions of anxiety.
Word count: 2.6k.
You awake to cold sheets and damp cheeks.
It isn’t a peaceful transition into consciousness. You fight for each breath, a losing battle that swaddles your mind in thick fog. The vapors thin out as time drags along. It doesn’t dissipate in its entirety, preferring to linger and prolong your disorientation.
You wipe at your face with your wrists, ignoring the sting accompanying the action. Hesitatingly, you appraise it in a ray of moonlight that snuck past the blinds. It’s clear, not crimson and thick. A normal product of a healthy body. You should feel relieved, you think. Every organ is as it should be. Your brain remains in your cranium, your lungs expand and contract, and your heart pumps, albeit at an alarming speed.
It’s better than the chill of encroaching death.
…
You are alive, aren’t you?
This question prompts an investigation.
Nothing hurts. Your throat, maybe, but that’s a minor ache spurred from thirst. Your skin is warm and clammy. Peeling the comforter off, you squint, assessing your body’s condition. Weary eyes take in everything. Your socks, the lace trimming of your nightgown, its diaphanous midriff, then your chest. Everything appears in order.
Would your incorporeal form accurately reflect your physical body?
You shake your head.
This can’t be heaven — no pantheon would be cruel enough to set the stage of your paradise with props from your captivity.
It can’t be hell either. If it were, you wouldn’t be alone right now.
You blink.
You’re alone?
Chrollo’s side of the bed is notably empty. He must’ve got up in a hurry, the sheets are in disarray. The adjoining restroom is dark and unoccupied, confirming he must be elsewhere. Your stomach churns. Determined to do away with this creeping anxiety, you get up, padding across the hardwood floor.
The night gifts shivers and goosebumps. Wishing to ward off its unwanted advances, you wrap your arms around yourself. You pass through the door that connects to the common area. Although it’s dimly lit, you can tell he isn’t here. The attached balcony is similarly uninhabited. A quick foray into the study confirms your status; you’re truly by yourself.
What should be a triumph or a relief delivers nothing but dread.
You return to the common room to assess the situation.
You’ve never been left alone before. Not without him telling you in advance, normally with a rough estimate of when he’ll return. There’s no way an important detail like that would slip your mind. At a loss, you dredge through your memories for some sign you may have missed. His voice pierces through your head like an arrow. You wince but ignore your body’s displeasure at anything associated with him. The unintelligible noises sharpen, forming consonants and vowels.
The thrum of the air conditioner eases away.
You’re left in absolute silence, until Chrollo’s voice fades away, replaced by another.
“... She was five or six, I think. Right around the age where you start losing baby teeth. There’d been this game she wanted and, y’know, kids aren’t rolling in cash. So she figured, what better way to pay for it than through the tooth fairy? I caught ‘er with my wrench, determined as anything, ready to speed up the process. It ended up being a little inside joke between us.”
Your lower lip trembles.
“... That’s how she ended up getting identified. Her teeth, I mean. Wasn’t anything else left to go off of. I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. A whole life she lived, sometimes getting into trouble, but mostly helping others outta theirs. And to have that— all that— reduced to just… just a couple, couple fuckin’— teeth? What kinda joke is that?”
You fill a glass with water until it overflows.
“Hey, tell me. Has that fucker ever mentioned ‘er? … Probably not, right? Probably never knew she existed in the first place.”
Head thrown back, you gulp down the liquid, fighting the lump that longs to form in your throat.
“Who knows? Maybe I’m the one in the wrong ‘ere. Hell, you don’t look much older than her yourself. I don’t— don’t wanna hurt ya. But…”
Tears prick the corner of your eyes.
“There’s no other way to hurt him.”
Someone’s beside you.
You can hear their voice, though it sounds like it’s coming from miles away, carried over by the wind. Warmth sears your bare shoulders. You smell the faint aroma of sandalwood and amber. It’s distinct, this cologne that serves as an ill-omen better than any blackbird or cracked mirror. You couldn’t scrub it from your memory if you tried. That, or the scent of old books, leather, coffee, and red wine.
You dig your nails into something — fabric, perhaps — but nothing grounds you. It’s like you’ve been transported outside of space and time. Existing, yet far from alive. Your stomach falls while your head floats away. Up, up, up, lifting you higher and higher. From this impossible vantage point, you sway, your limbs gleefully ignoring every attempt to regain control.
And there it is again. Your name echoes throughout the atmosphere, beckoning you to acknowledge the sound’s source.
Maybe you should.
Even if you’ll come to regret it.
When you first met Chrollo, his eyes stood out the most, like the universe itself deemed them worthy of veneration. You found the gray depths captivating. The undertone varied, you never could ascertain if they were a cool or warm shade. All you knew was that once they found you, they boasted a vitality siphoned at the expense of your own.
Presently, they can’t. Their unwitting host has been exsanguinated.
“Where were—” You silence yourself, aghast by the implication.
You’d sought him out. So desperate for an anchor, you would’ve latched onto the culprit behind your drowning. There’s no doubt he’d find some twisted satisfaction in the accidental admission. You shrink away, but the solid counter presses against your spine, halting your retreat. He doesn’t advance, you’d barely created any distance.
“There’d been something that required my immediate attention,” Chrollo answers your unfinished question. There’s no thinly veiled derision or curiosity in his voice. You miss the familiarity. “Does anything hurt?”
It’s then that you recall your predicament.
You’re on the kitchen floor, surrounded by scintillating shards of glass. A pool of water gathers to your right. Chrollo’s bent down before you, wearing a heavy coat and a tint of pink on his nose. He must’ve come from outside. He stares unblinkingly, awaiting your verdict, which you deliver by shaking your head. There’s a dull ache in your tailbone but you keep that to yourself. It’s awkward enough that he found you in this state.
You’re sitting on the floor with one leg extended and the other bent at the knee, allowing your short nightgown to ride up. The compromising position stokes your embarrassment. You shuffle around to maintain some dignity. In doing so, you forget the pointed glass strewn about. Before you make contact, you’re hoisted up. Chrollo foresees your struggle and holds you tight enough to thwart its success.
“You’re alright,” he reassures, his sincere gentleness unbecoming. "Everything's alright."
He places you down on the closest couch and sits beside you. While you regain your bearings, he shrugs off his jacket, then drapes it around your trembling form. His scent and warmth flood your senses. You consider throwing it off out of spite, only to decide against it. You’d be the one to suffer the most. Chrollo remains unusually silent as you cocoon yourself in the thick wool jacket. It’s big on you, but not big enough to swallow you whole like you’d prefer.
“Should I grab your propranolol?”
Another head shake.
“Will you tell me what happened?” Foreseeing your tepid response, he adds, “Verbally?”
You clear your throat as quietly as you can. “I got thirsty.”
“Hm.”
You both know he isn’t convinced. It’d be easy for him to poke and prod until you revealed everything — intentionally or not — but his lips remain in a thin line. You shuffle in your seat. The fabric brushes against your wrists, eliciting a sharp inhale. The burn is short-lived yet the memories associated with it rage on.
“... Chrollo?”
He blinks, likely unused to the sound of his name on your lips. “Yes, love?”
“If that man killed me, would it have hurt you?”
A shadow falls over his visage, like a waxing crescent transitioning to a new moon. When you shiver, it isn’t from the cold. Dark hair frames a far darker expression. His eyes narrow as if he’s trying to see you better, beyond your flesh, at the crux of your soul. You await whatever comes next, returning his stare with equal intensity.
Finally, he slowly replies, “Yes, it would’ve.”
“Then why was it so easy for you to kill his daughter?” You ask, the words weighing heavily upon you. “You might’ve liked her, if you’d gotten to know her.”
The man revealed enough for you to feel like you knew her. Lana Ellis — a woman with an iron will, sharp tongue, and golden heart. She’d recently been hired to work as a waitress at a business that catered high-end events. Galas, celebrity birthdays and weddings, those sorts of things. It wasn’t going to be a permanent arrangement. Lana planned to ditch the gig after saving up tuition money, where she’d then aim for a doctorate in veterinary medicine. According to him, he’d squandered her college fund after the unexpected death of her mother; his childhood sweetheart. He said he’d never forgive himself or the Troupe.
“She wasn’t s’posed to have been there,” he wheezed. “She never should’ve been there…!”
Chrollo shuts his eyes. “What are you getting at, dear?”
His words come out light, though they’re anything but.
“She could’ve been me.”
“Yet she wasn’t.”
“But—!” Your voice cracks, so you take a deep breath and try again. “You… you deprive the world of people you could’ve come to like, be friends with, whatever! All for stuff you eventually do away with. How is that… how can you…”
Righteous anger suits you. It's a sword and shield that requires no skill to wield, reaching for the instruments have become second nature. Their effectiveness doesn't matter so long as you can hold onto something.
“You don’t need to understand.”
This isn't a parry or pivot, he's disarmed you.
“Huh?”
“Yes… if anything, it’s best if you don’t,” he mutters, more to himself than you. His eyes find yours again. “I can’t make sense of your empathy any more than you can grasp my lack of it. If I could, you’d no longer be yourself. Your self-limiting, bleeding heart should remain as is. It’s the one part of you I’ll leave untouched.”
You don’t know what you were expecting.
You slump back into your seat. “... Don’t you think you’re overestimating yourself?”
“Hardly,” he replies. Then, in a softer voice, “You torment yourself, love. This—”
He rests his hand over your heart.
“—Hurts you more than anything I’ve ever done. Yet you believe it unthinkable I’d do away with such an inconvenience.”
“So you’re a coward,” you mumble. The insult is uninspired but it suits your purposes. “You can’t handle it, so you took the easy way out.”
“Rationalize it anyway you'd like.”
Chrollo reaches for your forearm and coaxes it into view. His fingers brush along your wrists, where the man’s restraints left rope burn behind. The irritated skin is slowly recovering. The deeper wounds, those without a cure, will linger after the surface heals. They’re etched into your bones.
“Isn’t going against your morals worse than having none?" Chrollo queries. “That girl’s father knew you had no involvement in his daughter’s death. You’re an unwilling third party, same as she was. And he was ready to hurt you regardless."
Your mouth feels dry. “He didn't hurt me—”
Chrollo raises an eyebrow, causing head to flood your cheeks.
“—All... that... much. I don’t think he was going to...?”
“No, not until he was intoxicated enough to stomach it,” Chrollo retorts. “We’ll never know for certain, darling. Thankfully, I interrupted before it could get to that point."
That point, that point, that point...
What could that man have done to you?
Chrollo appraises you like he's yet to decide on something.
After a moment passes, he leans in, his arm wrapping around your shoulders. Your muscles stiffen as he pulls you close. He exerts none of the force you know him to be capable of. The gesture's languid nature gives the impression you could wriggle free if you tried. You don't test this theory. Chrollo's mood seems pensive, not amorous, hence your hesitant compliance.
He speaks your name. Then, he asks, "What's really bothering you?"
Biting your lip, you turn your head away from him.
He doesn't relent. "You can tell me anything, you know."
If you weren't so utterly exhausted, you might've laughed.
"You wouldn't be my first choice for a heart-to-heart."
"How about your second?"
You look at him like he's just suggested the world is flat. He smiles softly, allowing you time to think.
It's weird.
This is weird.
The lack of verbal finesse, designed to extract any emotion or confession he desires. You're used to his cunning, his depravity, his unfiltered self. You've come to expect it, as one would the sunrise and sunset. Briefly, you search for it. The expedition is futile. His normal tells are gone.
Truly, you could almost forget the imbalanced nature of this dynamic and pretend it's normal.
It isn't, however.
So you'll need to keep your wits about you.
"Could... er..." you trail off, uncertain of the best parlance, "Will something like that... happen... again...?"
The claustrophobia of being shut in a trunk. Blindfolded, hands and feet bound, gagged by a rag. Terrified and sobbing. Unable to breathe, unable to scream.
You feel as small now as you did then.
The man told you his reasoning. It tugged on your heart. Wringed the organ for everything it was worth. He deserved justice. He deserved revenge. At that lone instance, the playing field was even. The immeasurable gap in strength between him and the Phantom Troupe's boss meant nothing if Chrollo wasn't physically present. There was a chance for this bereaved father to return the pain unfairly inflicted on him.
But why on you?
Why do you have to be cast into hell for the sins of another?
And why was it so tempting to forgive the devil's transgressions against you, if he provided salvation just this once?
You don't know when you began shaking, but you do know it won't be easy to stop.
"You must've been scared," he murmurs.
This observation makes your throat feel impossibly tight, as if a serpent coiled around your neck. His eyelashes flutter shut and he rests his forehead against yours. He contents himself on breathing in your air while you wrestle with the odd intimacy of it all; this simplicity untainted by needling or provocations.
"I never make the same mistake twice," Chrollo eventually says. "In light of recent events, I've made it clear that you are off limits. Those who still wish to try their luck, well..."
The air itself writhes like a malicious entity. The sensation is brief, but the impression lingers, chilling you on a primordial level. You're reminded that his control, while impressive, isn't flawless. Every surface can fissure, allowing the noxious contents contained within to break free. This concentration of ill-intent isn't even focused at you. To be on the receiving end must be to face the inevitably of death.
"... They can be made examples of too."
Curiosity nips at your heels, demanding satiation.
Your part your lips.
Then his eyes reopen. They're dull, lacking any illumination, like light itself felt the urge to flee.
It's an understandable sentiment.
For that reason, you decide some questions are better left unanswered.
#chrollo x reader#yandere chrollo x reader#chrollo lucilfer x reader#hxh x reader#yandere hxh x reader#yandere#yandere x reader#hunter x hunter x reader#reader insert#yandere reader insert#my stuff
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a lil bit of lore:
Princess Luna had to banish her sister on the Sun for 1000 years
Luna doesn't have enough power to hold the sun on the sky for long enough because Celestia being in her nightmare form (it's not a Day Breaker but I don't have a name for her yet eeeee like Supernova or smth???) weakens Luna's connection with the sun (and also Luna holds less magic power than Celestia in general)
what's more Nightmare Celestia cursed Luna's ponies to be "the creatures of the darkness where you belong", turning them into Bat Ponies.
most of the ponies in Equestria are bat ponies.
Pegasy Unicorns and Earth ponies only comes from ancient pure blood families like Apples, Pies, Glimmers, etc
some as Rainbow and Rarity mostly look as regular pegasys and unicorn but they can hold trates of the bat ponies (fangs, ears, sometimes wings)
Bat ponies and the hybrids don't feel good enough during daytime (their eyes works so much better in the dark, they flies faster during night time and prefer lower temperature) and that's another reason why Princess Luna has to hold moon at the sky longer than sun
Apple Jack
- She puts flowers in her mane in the memory of her mother. In this AU Pear Butter is a very cool genetic. She died when Apple Bloom turns 5 and Apple Jack (who just turned 15) left absolutely heart broken. However this tragedy made Apple siblings much stronger and they've become closer than ever. That's when Apple Jack finally gets her cutie mark, representing her bond with apple family (three apples represent Apple Bloom, Apple Jack and Big Mac)
- Apple Jack is one of the ponies who doesn't really enjoy Luna's reign mostly because she is a farmer and it's hard for her to take care of the various apple trees during longer night time.
- The Apple family is VERY conservative they are one of the very few families in Equestria who still grows original sorts apples (and other crops), including a super rare Zap Apples and that need extra care due the lack of sunlight.
- one of the Apple family ancestors happened to be the leader of the earth ponies rebellion that happened in the first years of Luna's reign. Luna's spirit was broken after she had to banish her sister and things didn't go very well in her kingdom. Hundred of angered ponies led by the "iron mare" Red Delicious broke into the Castle of the two Sisters. The guards didn't even try to stop them.
When ponies entered the throne room they saw The Princess of darkness, crying over her sister's broken throne. The room was filled with blooming Sunflowers, favorite flowers of Celestia. Then Luna turned to them and she spoke to them as a princess and they saw the power she holds and they realized she can destroy them all with a single spell. But she didn't. Red Delicious who was determined to fight "the princess of darkness" till the end finally saw the real Luna and she wasn't scared or angry anymore but started to feel the compassion for her.
- Red Delicious herself helped Luna to make a plan on defeating hunger. Ponies were starving due the lack of crops and Red Delicious worked hard alongside with Luna to invent plants that would be able to grow effectively in the dark on the shortest time. Ponyville became the first night farmers city (very close to the Castle of the two sisters).
Rainbow Dash
- Her full name is Rainbow Stormcloud Dash.
- Her mother and father are both pegasy and her grand grand father is a hybrid bat pony (she likes him sooo much he is super cool) However, she doesn't have any trates of bat pony except of the ability to see in the dark and flying at night.
- Rainbow mane in different varieties is a very rare gene that only exists in her blood line a very long time ago one of her ancestors tried to save his friend from a dragon and flied so fast he broke the laws of physics and a Sonic Rainboom happened. After that his mane turned rainbow colored. Pegasus with a rainbow mane was born once in a generation since then but a very few of them were able to perform a Sonic Rainboom.
- Rainbow Dash is the first pegasus in Equestria history who was able to perform the Nocturnal Rainboom.
- Her dream is to become a Shadow Bolt. They are the best flyers in Equestria!!! And most of them are bat ponies because it's hard for a pegasus to perform bat's tricks. Not for Rainbow though!
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"𝑨𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒚" (Aemond x Reader)
A/N: I want to first say. I STRUGGLE with writing dialogue in different periods. So if I make this into a fic it is going to take me so long because I will have to read other people's stories and rewatch the show so the dialogue can be somewhat realistic. Hopefully, I do well...If not. Don't tell me shit. I don't wanna hear it. // Divider by @firefly-graphics
Summary: You return with your family to King's Landing to defend Lucerys against your uncle Vaemond but he is not the uncle you worry about. Your mind is filled with the man you were once betrothed to what he will say when he sees you, and how he will act. You worry about how your Uncle Aemond will treat you after all this time.
Next Chapter →
Tw: Oral Sex (f receiving)
Word Count: 5.4k (an absolute fucking monstrosity written in a couple hours)
"Would say it's nice to be home but I scarcely recognize it." Daemon hums slightly before walking around looking at every bit of the wall in disgust. Rhaenyra turns to you and your brothers. "I trust you three will stay out of trouble while we go visit your grandsire?"
Your brothers nod their heads as you all take your turn to look over what was once your home. It feels...darker than it did when you lived here, almost abandoned. If it was not for the servants walking around you would think it was.
Rhaenyra and Daemon walk away leaving you and your brothers.
"Come on. I want to see if that hole is still in the wall in the training yard." Luke rolls his eyes at the stupid memory which makes you smile. You follow after them as they try to recall the way there.
You don't listen to their conversation as Jace points out the hole that still remains. You can barely pay attention to anything anyone is saying. Your brain has been in panic mode since the moment you were told you would be returning here.
Scared to face your previous betrothed. You feel someone's hands wrap around yours and snap you out of your thoughts.
"Are you alright?" Luke says softly and looks at you worriedly. You nod and ruffle his hair with a smile.
"Im fine. Just...feels weird being back." He doesn't let go of your hand. You notice as he looks around at all the people staring at him and Jace. It had always been like this, people often compared you to your brothers in how different you looked. How you carried Targaryen features while they resembled Harwin Strong.
Unknown to you or your brothers at the time Rhaenyra and Laenor did truly try to conceive at least one trueborn child. But in the end, it was all too uncomfortable for them. It was only on their second try did they attempt it in another way. Laenor at first stayed in the room alone getting himself just before his peak so that when Rhaenyra came in all he had to do was empty himself inside of her. That one time resulted in you. The only child related to Laenor in both blood and name.
Jace comes and pulls Luke away to watch a fight you couldn't care less about. You walked around the yard looking at the various weapons laid out. You knew that you could fight far better than most of the men here, having been trained by Daemon himself.
Bored by the dusty swords and daggers you turn to watch the fight from the other side. Your heart dropped into your ass as you see the man before you.
He was tall...you always thought he would be. His hair sadly no longer carried those curls that once coiled around your fingers as he read to you. An eyepatch sat over his eye breaking your heart as you recalled the night.
"Get off of him!" "Stop it, Jace!" "Don't hurt him!"
You clamped your eyes closed wanting to fight off the painful memory. You were weak then, unable to help. You couldn't protect him in any way that mattered.
The claps of everyone around you had you opening your eyes once more. You watched as Aemond bested Criston in a duel.
"Well done, my prince, You'll be winning tourneys in no time."
"I don't give a shit about tourneys. Nephews...have you come to train?" You see the look on Luke's face and you feel bad for him. He and Jace had spent most of their time trying to learn High Valyrian and barely picked up a sword unless forced to. Aemond had clearly spent all his time training since the accident.
"Open the gates!" Everyone turns to watch as the guards open the gates and men carrying the banners of Velaryon walk in. You walk over to your brothers and hold onto Luke's hands as Vaemond passes by staring Luke down. Vamond's expression only softens as he looks at you and he offers you a warm smile.
The same smile he had given you at Laena's funeral as he took the opportunity to call your brother's bastards in such a sad time. You hear Luke audibly gulp and you try to soothe him by running your fingers over his knuckles.
"Let's go inside." You place a hand on Jace's back to calm him down as you notice the look of anger on his face at the sight of Vaemond.
As you turn to enter the Red Keep your eyes automatically land on Aemond who now wears an expression you can't quite place. His eyes are only on you and for a moment it feels like there's only you two but Jace is quick to step in front of your view and to give Aemond a look you can't see. Whatever it is has him turning around in anger and returning to sparring with Criston.
You walk with Rhaenyra and Rhaena towards Rhaenys.
"Grandmother" Rhaena calls out and basically runs over to her. You follow behind her.
"Rhaena..." Rhaena stands before her as Rhaenys holds her hand. You step beside her and Rhaenys looks over to you. She steps forward and places a hand on your cheek. "You two have grown beautifully." She kisses both of your cheeks.
"Baela said you might be here." Your mother comes closer, each step wary. "She's done well as your ward. You've um... raised her admirably." Rhaenys doesn't look over and keeps her eyes trained on both you and Rhaena.
"You honour me, Princess." Rhaenys smiles softly at Rhaenyra.
"Might I speak to the Princess alone, girls?" Rhaena looks to your grandmother almost for permission. She nods and lets go of both of you.
"Princess." Rhaena begins to walk away. You give your grandmother another kiss on the cheek before leaving.
Rhaenyra smiles at you as you walk away to join Rhaena.
"What do you think they're talking about?" You both look back once more before heading inside.
"I have no idea." You look at your mother who steps closer to your grandmother. Rhaene takes your arm and you turn to her. "Come. Let us go find the boys."
That night it rained and the sound of thunder filled your old chambers. His face filled your memories. His voice echoed in your ears.
"Can I kiss you Aemond?" Your fingertips ran over the dip of his lips as you imagined what they would feel like on yours."You never have to ask Princess."
You touch your lips at the memory of your first kiss. The only kiss you ever got to share with him. How soft his kiss was, how gentle he was. Your lips yearned for another kiss. Your body begs for his warmth and your heart breaks. It breaks at the memory of when your betrothal was cancelled when you knew the future you both talked about would never happen.
"How many children will we have?" Your head lay in his lap as he read a book, his fingers twirling your hair as you pick the petals of a flower. "As many as you are willing to bear me, Princess." You blush brightly which only brings a smile to his face. But your brain always knows how to ruin the moment as a new thought plagues your mind."Would you be angry at me if I had a girl first?" Aemond closes his book and looks down at you. "I could never be angry at you."
You sat up in your bed to the sound of a knock at the door. Your hands roughly smooth over your head pushing your hair back as if it wipes away the memories and dreams.
How can one live like this? How can one continue on in life like this? He is in every breath you take, every time you close your eyes his face decorates the darkness that you simply wish would consume you. You are reminded of him in every waking moment of your life.
Another knock comes to your chamber doors and you know you have no choice but to start your day. You sweat at the thought of seeing him again.
Will he keep to his words? Will he not be angry with you for being gone for so long? For not sending any letters? You did not want to find out. In truth you just want to stay in your chambers all day and sleep, but for the sake of Luke you would attend the hearing.
"The crown will now hear the petitions." Otto sits on the throne as his voice echoes throughout the hall. "Ser Vaemond of House Velaryon."
Vaemond steps forward as everyone looks towards him. Everyone but Aemond. You can see him in the corner of your eye his gaze is focused on you. Never looking away, never taking a break.
You stand next to Daemon looking forward. Knowing that if you even willed your eyes to move it would land on him. And you couldn't bear to look at him.
"My Queen. My Lord Hand." Vaemond then goes on to talk about the history and the days of Old Valyria. You can't hear him, you can't hear anything once more over the beating of your heart.
"Iksis bisa iā qogror iā elekor?" [Is this a class or a hearing?] Daemon whispers to you. He notices your rigid stance and how you're taking in shallow breaths. He places a hand on your elbow and you look over to him. He gives you a look of "Are you ok?" to which you nod.
He returns back to staring Vaemond down hoping he will eventually burn holes into the side of his head and will fall dead where he stands but not everyone is that lucky. It is only then that he notices a one-eye fucker staring in his direction. He shifts his gaze and notices Aemond staring at you. Aemond can feel someone looking at him and looking towards Daemon before pressing his lips in a thin line and giving Vaemond his attention.
"As it does in my sons and daughter, the offspring of Laenor Velaryon." You are snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of your mother's voice. You look over to her. "If you cared so much about your house's blood Ser Vaemond, you would not be so bold as to supplant its rightful hair." Vaemond holds a look of anger towards her. "No, you only speak for yourself. and for your own ambition."
"You will have a chance to make your own petition Princess Rhaenyra." You look towards Alicent. "Do Ser Vaemond the courtesy of allowing his to be heard." Next to her, you see the smirks of both Aegon and Aemond. You know they enjoy this, seeing Luke be openly called a bastard.
Why are your brothers blamed and dragged through the mud for what your mother has done? Are they not innocent in their own conceivement?
Vaemond gives Alicent a slight nod before turning towards your family.
"What do you know of Velaryon blood, Princess?" He speaks to your mother in a condescending tone. "I could cut my veins and show it to you, and you still wouldn't recognize it."
Your heart twinges for your mother. You feel conflicted all the time. On one hand, your brothers are indeed not blood-related to your father. But he had accepted them as his sons publicly no doubt. What could he have done for people to recognize them as his children? On the other hand, Vaemond proves a point in matters of blood. But is it not the last names people remember?
They both ride dragons, and they learn the tongue of the dragon. They are everything Targaryen but in matters of looks and blood. But that is more than enough for people to shun them. You want to side with them with your full heart, but how can you when you understand the opposition's points?
"King Viserys of House Targaryen, the First of His Name, King of the andals and the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm."
You look up in awe as you watch your grandsire slowly walk into the room. The only sound was the tapping of his cane against the floor. You had not seen him in so long, he looked so old and different. Hunched over and in pain.
You watch as he makes his way up to the throne and Daemon aids him. Otto moves over to stand next to Alicent and you can see the confusion and anger on his face. His plans are ruined and whatever chance he had at getting the Velaryons on their side is squandered.
"I must...admit...my confusion." Your grandsire breathes quickly as he tries to regain his strength. "I do not understand why petitions are being heard over a settled succession." You listen as he calls for your grandmother to speak.
You feel hot. This room feels hot. You pull repeatedly at the band on your wrist. A coping mechanism you developed when you felt so far away from everything. You snap the band against your wrist as you listen to your grandmother who only further pushes for Corly's wishes for Lucerys to be the next Lord of the Tides. You miss her announcing the marriage between your brothers and cousins.
You can't focus. He is still staring at you. You make the mistake of closing your eyes cause when you open them they are on him. You take in a sharp breath and stare back at him. Your heart feels as though someone is squeezing it, your chest heavy as if a dragon sits atop it. You want nothing more than to go over there but you keep your feet planted.
"That is no true Velaryon." You jump slightly looking towards your uncle as he angrily points at Luke. "and certainly no nephew of mine." Your mother tells your brothers to head to their chambers before attempting to silence Vaemond.
"You can not all be blind surely? To look upon both my grandniece and her sons and think they share the same father?" Everyone looks at you and for a moment you wish you could shrink into the walls, fade into the people behind you. "She even skips her daughter so that her son could inherit Driftmark when it belongs to my niece. She wishes to cover her tracks and erase my niece's future." You've never felt that way. You were never upset at your mother's decisions. Maybe you always assumed you'd end up with Aemond. "Gods be damned...I will not see it ended on the account of this-" Your eyes widen as you realize what he wishes to say.
You feel a heat radiate beside you and notice the body language of Daemon has changed. A hand rests on his sword as his head is cocked to the side.
"Say it." He whispers softly. Vaemond gives Daemon a smug look.
"Her sons...are BASTARDS! And she...is...a whore." Everyone gasps and you notice the heat beside you is missing. You watch as King Viserys unsheaths his dagger and calls for your uncle's tongue.
You then hear a thud and turn and see Vaemond's body hit the floor. His head was cut off at the mouth, his tongue still attached. Much happens in those moments but your eyes stay on Vaemond's body. It is only when your mother places a hand on your cheek you look away.
"Go with your grandmother. She might need comfort."
You stand next to Rhaenys, holding her hand as the silent sisters work on your uncle.
"Did you ever feel that way, little ocean?" You look over to her as her eyes are trained upon his seperated head. "As if your mother was trying to erase you?"
"No, grandmother. To be honest. I had always imagined myself living here, in the Red Keep." You looked around the room watching the sisters move slowly and carefully.
"Married to Aemond." Your quick to look back towards her she offers you a faint smile before turning to you. "Come back with me, to Driftmark. Your grandsire would love to see you and I have missed your presence." You nod, not caring to say that you should ask the permission of your mother and father.
The Grand Maester walks over and speaks. You stare at the body of your uncle once more. Is this justice? He called your mother a whore and your brother bastards...but was he wrong?
"The Stranger has visited me more times than I can count, Grand Maester." You feel her squeeze your hand. "I assure you, he cares little whether my eyes are open or closed." You watch as he leaves. "You should go, little ocean. Your grandsire wishes for you to eat with your family."
"Will you not dine with us?" You brush your fingers against her hand.
"I fear I have lost my appetite." She kisses your head. "We will take our leave on the morrow." You nod before leaving the room with a final look towards your uncle.
As you enter the dining hall your family is already there. The table already has its sides. On the right sit your mother and your family and on the left sit the Queen and hers. The separation hurts you and you wish you could do something about it. Mend it in whatever way possible. You would give your own life if it meant uniting your family.
Jacerys offers his seat so you can sit next to Baela and he moves to her other side. The switch puts you next to Aegon but you do not mind. He has never been one to bother you before, and only ever makes small jokes, which you would never admit to his face, can be funny.
"Mother?" Rhaenyra turns in her chair towards you.
"Yes, my heart?" She places a hand on your arm you smile at the name. Each one of you had one, Jace was often referred to as her love, Luke as her sweet boy, and you her heart.
"Grandmother has requested I return with her to Driftmark... I'd like to. To see grandsire, if that is all right with you." She smiles softly and brings your hand to her lips as she kisses it.
"Of course." You hear the doors open and see your grandsire being carried in. "We will talk more later. Go sit." You walk over to your chair and stand until he is placed in his spot.
As you walk over you look up and see his eyes on you once more. He stands at the head of the table watching you. You sit only when you notice everyone else does and clasp your hands together when Alicent calls for prayer. You've read about the Seven and know only as much as books taught you. You hear Alicent's prayer but you pray your own. You ask The Warrior and The Smith to give you strength, you beg for forgiveness from The Maiden for your thoughts and acknowledge The Stranger, for you both feel like outcasts in this world.
"This is an occasion for celebration, it seems. My grandsons Jace and Luke, will marry their cousins Baela and Rhaena." It is only then that you feel the weight of his gaze lift, as he looks at your brother on the other end of the table. Your grandsire calls for a toast to your brothers. He calls for another toast for Lucerys as the future Lord of the Tides.
"I also want to say. How beautifully my granddaughter has grown." You feel the eyes of everyone turn to you, and your mother smiles. Even Alicent gives you a genuine gentle smile. "Im sure by your next nameday we will have found a suitable match for your hand. Let us toast in hopes you will find someone deserving of you." Everyone raises their glass.
But it is only Aemond who does not. You watch as Aegon leans over you towards Baela.
"He does know how the act is done, I assume? At least in principle. Where to put your cock and all that?"
"Let it be cousin," Baela responds clearly annoyed. Jace responds but you don't hear it whatever he says has Aegon sitting back down fully in his seat.
You stare forward as King Viserys makes a speech. You return to snapping the band against your wrist as you again feel the heat of his stare. Words are shared between the Queen and your mother before Aegon gets up and sets himself in between Baela and Jace.
"I, um I regret the disappointment you are soon to suffer. But if you ever wish to know what it is to be well satisfied, all you have to do is ask-" Jace bangs his hands on the table before standing up which leads to Aemond standing up as well ready to protect his brother if need be.
Aegon sits down quickly next to you. More speeches go on, too many speeches. You wish everyone would just shut up so we can all be done with this dinner. Either that or let us remove our masks and speak the truth. You have grown tired of this tension and fake genuineness.
You remain next to Aegon as food is brought out and Jace takes Helaena to dance. You can see the look on his face. He looks over your family with a sort of longing. Everything he has ever wanted on display in front of him.
"Would you care to dance uncle?" He looks over to you with a surprised look on his face. He puts down his cup and is about to put out his hand when someone clears their throat. You look over to the noise and see Aemond staring at the two of you.
"Not if I wish to lose my head." He picks his cup back up and returns to watching everyone. You look over to Aemond who only stares at you with no emotion.
You watch as guards walk over to your grandsire and take him away. You make a plan in your head to go visit him tonight to speak to him.
The mood is only spoiled as a pig is placed in front of Aemond. You hear the light chuckles of Luke and curse him in your head. You flinch as Aemond's hand bangs the table and he stands up picking up his cup.
"Final tribute. To the health of my nephews: Jace...Luke...and Joffrey. Each of them handsome, wise..." And in that pause alone you feel that separation between families grow. "...strong. Come...let us drain our cups to these three strong boys."
"I dare you say that again." You tense as Jace speaks already being able to tell where this is going.
"Why? 'Twas only a compliment." Aemond lowers his cups and walks over to Jace. "Do you not think yourself strong?" Jace punches Aemond...or...attempts to. Aemond still stands unwavering and not a drop spilt from his cup.
Aegon grabs Luke who tries to walk over to help Jace and slams his head on the table. You stand up and walk over to Aegon and pull his hair, yanking his head back. He releases Luke and only smiles up at you. You put him in the same position he had your brother in, slamming his head against the table and holding him down until guards come and step in between you two.
You remain standing at the chairs as the sides are made once more. You stand somewhat in the middle. Jace attempts to run back over to Aemond but Daemon steps in front of him.
"Go to your quarters. All of you go now." Your siblings and cousins leave but you remain still standing in your spot. You watch as Aemond and Daemon stare at each other silently. Aemond then turns to you and so does everyone else, he looks at you and then hums to himself as he walks out of the room.
"Come little rogue." Daemon puts his arm out for you. You take his arm, your mother pats your cheek and you follow him out of the room.
You sit in your mother and Daemon's chambers caring for young Aegon and Viserys along with a couple of maids.
Your mother walks in and takes a seat next to Daemon.
"I will see the boys home. Then I will return on dragonback." She holds Daemon's hand.
"Just the boys?" He asks looking over at you.
"Grandmother has asked me to return with her and Baela to Driftmark." He nods.
"Head to bed rogue." You nod and stand up walking over to your parents. You kiss your mother's cheek and place a hand on her stomach before walking past Daemon and pulling on the small ponytail in his hair softly and leaving the room.
Daemon watches as you leave with a smirk on his face and waits until the door is closed to speak.
"Did you see the way he looked at her?" Rhaenyra is taken aback by Daemon's tone. He stands up and paces.
"Who, my love?" She rubs her belly as she watches her children play.
"Aemond." He scowls. "He's been looking at her since we arrived as if he wants to take her where she stands. Which is impressive since the fucker only has one eye." he sits back down.
"They were once betrothed Daemon. Before that, they were closer than any of the kids. They spent all their free time together." She smirks at her husbands's protectiveness. It didn't take long for him to see you as one of his own daughters.
"We should discuss her future marriage. Maybe it's time we start looking for a husband for her." Rhaenyra nods.
"We will speak to her about it when she returns from Driftmark. Vaemond was right about one thing...she is being erased...I had not realized I was doing that." Daemon took her hand and placed the other on her bump.
"That fucker didn't know what he was talking about. You are a great mother to her, and she has had no complaints about her inheritance." She knows he's right.
"Nonetheless. If there is one thing I can give her is a choice. She will decide who she marries. I would feel better knowing it's a man of her own choosing."
Your handmaids leave the room once you're finished being dressed for bed. You sit in front of your vanity staring at yourself.
When had you become someone you didn't recognize? When did you begin just walking the earth instead of living on it? When had you become so...lonely.
You walk over to the balcony and step outside. Pulling your robe tighter to your body against the cold air. You close your eyes and though you aren't sure who it is you are speaking to you beg them to help you. To bring you happiness and peace.
"Mandianna" You hear him from behind you. You turn around slowly and see him standing inside your room. You slowly walk in and close the balcony doors behind you, locking them.
"...Aemond..." You move to take another step to him but he raises a hand.
"For as long as I can remember you...Not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you." You take a deep breath as he speaks. "And now that you're here...I'm in agony." He takes a step towards you. "The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you...I can't breathe." He stops in front of you a hand on your cheek. "I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that that kiss will not become a scar." He lowers his head so he hovers just above your lips. "You are in my very soul, tormenting me...what can I do? I will do anything you ask."
You stare up into his eyes and feel drawn into them. You drown in them putting up no fight. Wanting to feel that darkness that has followed you all these years surround you.
"Kiss me." And he does and it is everything you've imagined. You give him full reign and kisses you with the same intensity that a drowning man comes up for air.
When he finally pulls away he admires your bruised lips and brushes the tears from your eyes.
"Aemond...I have grieved for what we could have been...so much time has passed. And our families have only grown farther apart." He kisses the side of your cheek.
"But what is grief if not love persevering?" He wraps his arms around your waist pulling you right against him as his eyes meet yours. "I have yet to meet another soul who is fluent in my language..but you? You are fluent in me." You place your hands on his chest. "Marry me. In the tradition of our ancestors. Let my blood become yours, and yours mine." You see the hope in his eyes.
"And what of our families?" They would never accept this." You try to pull away but he holds you tight against him.
"I refuse to sacrifice the one person who sees me for who I am for a family who barely sees me for the mask I wear." He leads you towards your bed and sits you down at the edge of it before sitting before you on his knees. "You are mine. You were always meant to be mine."
His hands trail up your legs as a smirk spreads over his face.
"Aemond. We can't." He pushes up your nightgown while kissing his way up your legs.
"I will not spoil you. I will only wish for a preview of what will be mine." He pushes your dress up all the way and pulls down your small clothes. He pulls your legs over his shoulder as he lowers himself in between your thighs.
He wastes no time drinking you up. His tongue tastes whatever he can, his nose brushing against your bud softly. His tongue stiffens inside of you as he finds that place his brother had told him about. It has you lying down covering your mouth.
"Ae-Aemond..." He moans against your cunt in pleasure at your moans of his name. "Please..." you're unsure of what it is you are begging for but whatever it is you know you need it.
He brings a finger to better rub your bud as he fucks you with his tongue. He can feel you clenching and watches as you're soon arching off of the bed holding on to his hair.
The feeling is unlike anything you've experienced. A large opposite from how dark you have been feeling. You feel lighter as if pent-up energy has been released.
He gives your bud one last kiss before walking away and returning with a wet cloth. He wipes his face first before gently cleaning you. When he's done you sit up and he sits next to you pulling you into his lap.
You feel how hard he is below you and move so your legs are wrapped around his torso. You grind down on him and he looks up at you holding on to your hips. The friction against your bud only builds back up that feeling in your stomach. You kiss Aemond as he continues to guide you so you're grinding down on him. He picks up speed his mouth agape.
Without saying anything you reach and pull the eye patch off of him. Aemond stops and looks away hiding his face. You place a hand on his cheek and turn him back to you.
"Gevie." You kiss his scar gently and admire the sapphire that replaces his eye. He returns to grinding you down on him lewd thoughts fuelling his actions. His breaths become louder and you even hear a gentle moan from him.
"Fuck~" you feel him stiffen beneath you. He presses his forehead against your chest pulling you flush against him.
"I will speak to my mother and even my father. If they say no. I will come for you and only then will I fuck you and mark my name into your wet cunt so that they will have no choice but to marry us."
He kisses you again. You taste yourself on his tongue.
"You say that as if the breaking of Princess' maidenheads has not been hidden before. They could easily give me to someone who would not care."
"To that...mandianna. I tell you that idiots are highly flammable...and we ride dragons..." He kisses your exposed chest.
"I say...let them burn."
A/N: This was for the girls who dream of marrying a prince and end up falling for the misunderstood villain.
I have thought of doing another part or turning this into a mini-series at least. But for now, this is just a one-shot.
Shoutout to the Star Wars Anakin monologue that fueled me to write this anyway.
Taglist: @thought--bubble @valeskafics @dixie-elocin
#ewan mitchell verse#ewan nation#ewanverse#ewan mitchell#ewan mitchell fanfic#aemond targaryen smut#aemond one eye#aemond targaryen#aemond x oc#aemond fanfiction#aemond x reader#hotd aemond#prince aemond targaryen#prince aemond#aemond targaryen x you#aemond targaryen x reader
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I've seen sometimes people arguing that Shen Yuan as Shen Qingqiu is constantly performing, faking his personality, and therefore Luo Binghe fell for someone who doesn't actually exist.
And fortunately that is wrong.
Shen Qingqiu has to act like an aloof immortal to keep his image, but he hasn't acted anything remotely like og!Shen Qingqiu since the skinner incident. And even with the OOC locks on, he kept losing points for acting OOC.
So, he's not acting as Shen Jiu, he behaves in a way he thinks an immortal cultivator should, which is basically himself but more calm, with Shen Jiu's muscle memory helping him to keep a blank face.
The thing is, that's how most people act. If you're as thin faced as he is, as easily embarrassed you tend to avoid embarrassing situations, refrain yourself from saying embarrassing things, constantly trying to pretend you aren't embarrassed at all.
His internal monologue is different to what he shows, but that's how it works for most people. Put yourself in a situation in which a friend asks you about something you absolutely don't care about, you think inside your head something along the lines of: " I don't caaaare" "I don't give a shit" "THIS AGAIN. WHY. I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE." etc, and depending on your personality you might answer differently. If you're blunt you'd say something like "Couldn't care less", if you're cruel you'd say "Nobody gives a shit" if you're kind you'd consider what they asked and answer even though you don't care, if you're assertive you'd answer and also say something like "please don't ask about it again" and that's without taking into consideration how much you care about said friend, how you behave with this person in particular.
Shen Qingqiu, would say to Shang Qinghua. "I don't give a shit," he feels comfortable enough to be crass and doesn't care much about his opinion of him, to Liu Qingge he'd say something like "Liu-shidi really focuses on the strangest things" doesn't want to hurt his feelings, but feels comfortable enough to hint that he doesn't care about it. To Ning YingYing he'd answer and then change subjects, cares enough to not hurt her but doesn't feel comfortable enough to show he doesn't care about whatever she said. To Luo Binghe, he'd take the time to answer and then add something like "This master really doesn't care about such things" because he doesn't want to hurt Binghe, but he is comfortable enough to confess how he really feels about it, he answers and then kindly informs him about his feelings on the subject.
That's not faking, that's something everybody does.
Shen Qingqiu doesn't lie more than the average person (who has a nightmare AI clinging to their soul) to others, but does constantly lie to himself (even though when you read you can tell he's aware of the truth, but actively convinces himself that it can't be, that that's what a less informed person would think, but not him who knows PIDW like the palm of his hand and therefore knows better etc, etc.) If he obfuscates his real thoughts or feelings, it's not in an attempt to deceive others, but a result of his constant inner gaslighting and paper thin face.
"But he didn't act like that as Peerless Cucumber!" If you behave the same way irl as you do online you need to spend less time online.
Logically, it's impossible to keep a facade 24/7, so it can be argued that Luo Binghe saw him in a more relaxed state, consolidated his love for him when he got to know him while sharing a home for two years. I don't believe that Shen Qingqiu kept his Qingqiusona on at all times, but I do believe he would've been more reserved in front of his disciple. And, as I said before, you behave differently depending on who you're with, and of course never say out loud all the things running inside your head.
I believe that if Shen Yuan transmigrated into some random NPC and not Shen Qingqiu, he would have behaved pretty much the same, but would've been far more easier to read and less formal, although formal enough as according to whatever station he belonged in such a case.
It can also be argued that, after acting for almost a decade as how he believed an immortal should act, it became an actual part of his personality, being aloof and reserved, keeping quiet when in doubt instead of spouting a cutting remark (as I picture he would pre-transmigration).
People do change, they can become louder or quieter, kinder or crueler, less or more confident. Such changes happen according to your choices, choices that become easier and easier to make as time passes, until the choice to be loud or quiet, kind or cruel, becomes your instinctive response.
So no, Shen Qingqiu hasn't put on an act beyond what's normal (trying to appear calm when you aren't, trying to seem unbothered when ashamed) since the skinner arc.
So, does he keep acting like a cold master after he and Luo Binghe got together? No. He doesn't. He's never been cold to Luo Binghe, unless forced by the System or when he was scared out of his mind with fear in Jinlan City. In fact, after they got together Bingqiu acts very much like any other couple would (... When the couple is bingqiu.)
For example, we can see them being playful in the extras, like in the Honeymoon Chronicle:
Shen Qingqiu feels comfortable enough to fool around with Luo Binghe, as long as It's the two of them alone.
Shen Qingqiu is not putting on an act, and hasn't done so since the first year after he transmigrated. This is his real personality. Would he have behaved differently had he not transmigrated? Yes, of course. And had he transmigrated as someone else? Yes, obviously. Our experiences shape us. He would've been different but not unrecognizable. To become drastically different, he'd have to also live through some drastic experiences. But, in the same way you can recognize yourself in the person you were 10, 20, 30 years ago, despite all the glaring differences, despite all the ways you've changed, Shen Qingqiu would've remained the same at his core.
#which is stupid#lmao#jk jk#svsss#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#these are just my humble reasonings#mip#made this on my phone sorry if the screenshot looks like shit if you read this from your laptop lol
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Numb leg
A/N: enjoy this ;)
warning: filthy smut sorry not sorry
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As the sun dipped low over the ancient city of Petra, casting long shadows across the rose-red sandstone, Reneé Rapp and her girlfriend Y/n stood in awe before the magnificent façade of the Treasury. The intricately carved columns and ornate details seemed to hold stories of a bygone era, whispering secrets of civilizations long past.
Y/n's eyes sparkled with excitement as she took in the breathtaking sight. "Can you believe we're actually here, Reneé? It's like something out of a dream."
Reneé smiled, her heart swelling with love for the woman by her side. "Yeah, it's pretty incredible. And tomorrow, I'll be performing at the arena just a stone's throw away from here."
Y/n grinned, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "I can't wait to see you up on that stage, babe. You're going to absolutely slay."
As they wandered through the ancient city, marveling at its beauty, Y/n couldn't contain her excitement. "Hey, Reneé, do you think we could hike up to the High Place of Sacrifice before we head back?"
Reneé's brow furrowed with concern. She knew that Y/n had been struggling with Functional Neurological Disorder (FND), a condition that often left her fatigued and in pain. "Are you sure, love? You seemed pretty exhausted from the hike to the treasury already."
Y/n waved off her concern with a smile. "I'll be fine, Reneé. I've been looking forward to this hike for ages. Besides, I'll have you to help me if I need it."
Reneé couldn't resist Y/n's enthusiasm, despite her worries. "Alright, let's do it. But promise me you'll let me know if you start feeling unwell, okay?"
Y/n nodded, her eyes shining with gratitude. "I promise. Now, let's go make some memories."
Together, hand in hand, they embarked on the journey to the High Place of Sacrifice. The trail wound its way through rugged terrain, the ancient stones beneath their feet whispering tales of centuries past. As they climbed higher and higher, Y/n couldn't contain her excitement, while Reneé kept a watchful eye on her beloved.
"Are you doing okay, Y/n?" Reneé asked, concern lacing her voice.
Y/n grinned, though she could feel the fatigue beginning to creep into her limbs. "I'm hanging in there, thanks to you. This view is so worth it."
Reneé squeezed her hand reassuringly. "We'll take it slow. We don't have to rush."
With renewed determination, they pressed on, the promise of the breathtaking vista spurring them forward.
As they continued their ascent up the rocky trail, Y/n's determination was palpable, each step a testament to her resilience in the face of adversity. Reneé couldn't help but admire her girlfriend's strength, even as she noticed the telltale signs of fatigue beginning to take their toll.
"Are you sure you're okay, Y/n?" Reneé asked, her voice laced with concern.
Y/n flashed her a reassuring smile, though she could feel the familiar tingling sensation creeping up her leg. "I'm fine, Reneé. Just a little numbness, nothing I can't handle."
Reneé knew better than to push, but her worry gnawed at her insides. She had spent countless nights poring over medical journals, trying to understand every aspect of Y/n's condition. FND was a complex disorder, its symptoms often unpredictable and debilitating. But through it all, Y/n had remained steadfast in her determination to live life to the fullest, refusing to let her diagnosis define her.
As they climbed higher, the air grew thinner, the path more treacherous. Y/n's pace began to slow, her breath coming in ragged gasps. Reneé could see the strain etched on her face, the lines of pain creasing her brow.
"Maybe we should take a break," Reneé suggested gently, her heart aching at the sight of Y/n's struggle.
Y/n shook her head stubbornly, though she knew Reneé was right. "I can't stop now, Reneé. We're almost there."
But Reneé wasn't about to let her girlfriend push herself to the point of exhaustion. With a gentle hand, she guided Y/n to a nearby boulder, urging her to sit and catch her breath.
"You've done amazing, love," Reneé said softly, her voice filled with pride. "But it's okay to take a break. We'll get there when we get there."
Y/n leaned into Reneé's embrace, grateful for her unwavering support. "I'm sorry, Reneé. I just... I hate feeling like I'm holding you back."
Reneé's heart broke at the sadness in Y/n's eyes. "You could never hold me back, Y/n. You're the strongest person I know, and I'm so lucky to have you in my life."
As they sat on the boulder, catching their breath and taking in the panoramic view before them, Y/n couldn't shake the frustration bubbling up inside her. "I hate this disorder, Reneé," she muttered, her voice tinged with bitterness. "I hate how it makes me feel weak and helpless."
Reneé's heart ached at the pain in Y/n's words. She reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair away from Y/n's face. "I know, love. I hate it too. But you're not weak, Y/n. You're one of the strongest people I know."
Y/n's eyes brimmed with tears as she leaned into Reneé's touch. "I just don't want to disappoint you, Reneé. I don't want to be a burden."
Reneé cupped Y/n's face in her hands, her gaze unwavering. "You could never disappoint me, Y/n. And you're not a burden. We're in this together, remember?"
As they sat in companionable silence, the pain in Y/n's leg began to intensify, a sharp ache radiating through her muscles. Reneé noticed the discomfort etched on her face and reached into her backpack, pulling out a granola bar.
"Here, love," Reneé said, offering the snack to Y/n. "This should give you a little energy boost."
Y/n accepted the granola bar gratefully, taking a few bites before tucking it away for later. "Thanks, Reneé. You always know how to take care of me."
Reneé smiled, her heart swelling with love for the woman beside her. "It's what I'm here for, Y/n. Now, let's finish this hike together. We're almost there."
With renewed determination, they rose to their feet, the summit tantalizingly close on the horizon. Each step was a testament to their strength and resilience, a testament to the unbreakable bond that held them together.
As they reached the summit of the High Place of Sacrifice, a sense of accomplishment washed over Y/n, mixed with relief and a touch of exhaustion. Reneé, ever prepared, pulled out a self-cooler from her backpack, knowing exactly what to do next. Y/n smiled as she watched her girlfriend set up the cooler, already familiar with the routine.
"Thanks, babe," Y/n said, her voice filled with gratitude. "You always think of everything."
Reneé flashed her a warm smile, her eyes twinkling with affection. "Anything for you, my love."
As Y/n strapped on her stabilizer, Reneé knelt beside her, helping to adjust the straps and set the harness to the softest level. "There you go, love," Reneé said, her touch gentle as she secured the stabilizer in place. "This should give you some extra support on the way down."
Y/n leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Reneé's cheek. "You're so cute when you take care of me, you know that?"
Reneé chuckled, a hint of pink coloring her cheeks. "You're not so bad yourself, sweetheart."
With the stabilizer in place and the harness adjusted, Y/n took a deep breath, steeling herself for the descent. "Alright, let's do this."
Reneé offered her a reassuring smile, squeezing her hand tightly. "You've got this, Y/n. And I'll be right here beside you every step of the way."
As they made their way down the unsteady trail, Y/n felt a sense of unease settle in the pit of her stomach. Despite the stabilizer and Reneé's constant support, each step felt like a precarious dance on the edge of a cliff. Reneé walked in front, her presence a comforting reassurance that if Y/n were to fall, it would be into her waiting arms.
Y/n couldn't shake the feeling of guilt gnawing at her insides. She knew the consequences of not listening to her body, of pushing herself too far. But the desire to experience life to the fullest, to explore every corner of the world with Reneé by her side, often outweighed the warnings of her own limitations.
As they descended further down the trail, Y/n's leg began to grow numb, a familiar tingling sensation spreading through her muscles. She stumbled, her foot slipping on a loose stone, and before she knew it, she was tumbling to the ground.
Reneé's heart leaped into her throat as she watched Y/n fall, her instincts kicking into overdrive. She rushed to her side, her hands gentle but firm as she helped Y/n to her feet. "Are you okay?" she asked, her voice tinged with concern.
Y/n nodded, though she could feel the frustration welling up inside her. "I'm fine, Reneé. Just a little shaken."
But Reneé could see through the facade, the pain and disappointment written plainly on Y/n's face. She sighed, her irritation bubbling to the surface. "You need to start listening to your body, Y/n. You know what happens when you push yourself too hard."
Y/n hung her head, unable to meet Reneé's gaze. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, Reneé. I just... I hate feeling like I'm missing out on life."
Reneé's expression softened, her heart aching for the woman she loved. She reached into her backpack, pulling out a water bottle and a snack bar, before handing the bag to Y/n. "Here, take this. I'll carry you down."
Y/n's eyes widened in surprise, knowing full well that Reneé was angry with her. "But Reneé, I can—"
Reneé cut her off with a stern look. "No arguments, Y/n. I don't want to hear it. You need to conserve your energy, and I'm not going to let you push yourself any further."
With a resigned sigh, Y/n accepted the backpack, feeling the weight of Reneé's disappointment heavy on her shoulders. But as Reneé hoisted her onto her back, her arms strong and steady, Y/n couldn't help but feel grateful for the unwavering support of the woman she loved.
As Reneé carried Y/n down the trail, her frustration simmered just beneath the surface, her muscles straining with the effort. She muttered to herself in exasperation, her mind racing with thoughts of how Y/n's stubbornness had once again landed them in this situation.
Y/n clung to Reneé tightly, her arms wrapped securely around her girlfriend's neck. "Sorry about this, Reneé," she said softly, her voice tinged with guilt.
Reneé sighed, her irritation momentarily forgotten as she felt Y/n's warmth against her back. "It's okay, love. Just focus on holding on tight, alright?"
Y/n couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle, despite the pain throbbing in her leg. "Well, at least I have a great view from up here," she teased, her fingers tracing the outline of Reneé's arms peeking out from beneath her tank top.
Reneé couldn't help but smirk at Y/n's attempt to lighten the mood, though her frustration still lingered in the back of her mind. "You're lucky I love you," she replied with a playful roll of her eyes.
As they continued their descent, Y/n felt the numbness in her leg spread, a cold, tingling sensation creeping up from her toes to her hip. She knew what it meant—a sign that she had pushed herself too far, ignored the warnings of her body once again.
"Reneé," Y/n said softly, her voice trembling with fear. "My leg... it's numb."
Reneé's heart sank as she felt the panic rising in Y/n's voice. She tightened her grip on Y/n's legs, trying to steady herself against the onslaught of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. "It's okay, Y/n. Just hang on tight. We'll get through this together."
With each step, the weight of Y/n's limp body grew heavier on Reneé's back, the strain beginning to take its toll. But she refused to falter, refusing to let her own frustration get in the way of helping the woman she loved.
And as they finally reached the base of the trail, the exhaustion evident in every line of Reneé's body, Y/n felt a sense of relief wash over her. Despite the challenges they had faced, they had made it through, their love for each other shining bright even in the darkest moments.
As Reneé gently lowered Y/n to the ground, their eyes met in silent understanding.
As Y/n lay on the ground, her leg completely numb and useless beneath her, Reneé's heart clenched with worry. She knelt beside her girlfriend, her hands trembling with fear and frustration. "Y/n, we need to get you help," she said urgently, her voice tinged with desperation.
But Y/n shook her head stubbornly, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "I just need a minute, Reneé. I'll be okay."
Reneé's patience snapped, her irritation boiling over as she watched Y/n struggle to stand. "Enough, Y/n," she said firmly, her tone leaving no room for argument. "We need to get you out of here."
With a heavy heart, Reneé surveyed their surroundings, her eyes landing on a group of jeeps parked nearby. She knew that they were used to transport tourists back to the entrance of the park, a quick and efficient way to navigate the rugged terrain.
Reneé's anger flared as she realized that Y/n's stubbornness had put them in this situation. She couldn't understand why her girlfriend insisted on pushing herself to the brink, ignoring the warnings of her own body.
"Get up, Y/n," Reneé said, her voice cold and clipped. "We're getting in one of those jeeps and going back to the hotel."
Y/n's eyes widened in surprise at the steel in Reneé's voice. She knew that Reneé was done with her stubbornness, done with watching her push herself beyond her limits.
As they climbed into one of the jeeps, Reneé's mind raced with thoughts of what lay ahead. She knew every symptom of Y/n's disorder, knew that they just needed to get her back to the hotel so she could lay down and rest.
As the jeep rumbled to life and began the journey back to civilization, Reneé held Y/n's hand tightly, her heart heavy with worry.
As they approached the entrance of the park, the hotel mere steps away, Y/N could feel the tension radiating from Reneé. Knowing her girlfriend well, Y/N decided it was best not to push any further, silently offering her support as they made their way back.
Meanwhile, Reneé muttered to herself, her thoughts consumed with what needed to be done once they reached the hotel room. "I need the cool pack for the pain shocks in the knee, the electroshock travel thing to stimulate her neurological nerves, and the pulsing thing to stimulate the brain to signal the leg again," she murmured, her voice a mix of determination and concern.
Y/N gave Reneé a reassuring smile, appreciating her partner's meticulous care and attention to detail. Reneé always had those medical supplies on hand, just in case of emergencies like this one. She had even taken courses to officially carry the necessary equipment and provide care to Y/N in case of need.
As they entered their hotel room, Reneé wasted no time in helping Y/n to lay down on the bed, her movements gentle and precise. She could see the discomfort etched on Y/n's face, a mixture of pain and frustration.
"Let me help you get more comfortable, love," Reneé said softly, her voice soothing as she began to unfasten Y/n's shoes. "I think it would be best if we changed you into shorts. It'll make it easier to place the electrodes on your leg."
Y/n nodded in agreement, grateful for Reneé's practicality. Despite her dislike for the electroshock therapy, she knew it was necessary to help stimulate her nerves and alleviate the pain.
As Reneé helped Y/n change into shorts, she couldn't help but notice the grimace of discomfort that crossed her girlfriend's face. "I hate these electroshocks," Y/n muttered, her voice filled with frustration. "They're so painful."
Reneé sighed, her heart aching for Y/n's suffering. "I know, love. But they're helping to give small impulses to your nerves, to encourage them to start working again. We just have to keep trying."
With Y/n settled in shorts, Reneé set to work placing the electrodes on her leg, her movements confident and precise. She knew exactly where to position each sticker, ensuring maximum effectiveness of the electroshock therapy.
"It won't be long now, love," Reneé said softly, her voice filled with reassurance as she activated the device. "Just try to relax and let the shocks do their work."
Y/n closed her eyes, trying to focus on the rhythmic pulses coursing through her leg. Despite the discomfort, she knew that Reneé was right—the electroshocks were a necessary part of her treatment, a small price to pay for the hope of relief from the constant pain.
As the therapy continued, Y/n could feel a faint tingling sensation spreading through her leg, a sign that the nerves were responding to the stimulation. She let out a sigh of relief, grateful for Reneé's unwavering support and expertise.
"Thank you, Reneé," Y/n murmured, her voice filled with gratitude. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
Reneé smiled tenderly, pressing a kiss to Y/n's forehead. "You'll never have to find out, love. I'll always be here for you, no matter what."
As Y/n lay on the bed, Reneé watched her with a mixture of love and concern, her heart swelling with admiration for her resilience. But as her gaze lingered on Y/n's hand, she noticed the cut from her fall, the dirt still embedded in the wound.
Reneé's concern deepened as she saw the injury, her protective instincts kicking into overdrive. Without a moment's hesitation, she retrieved some pure water, disinfectant, a cloth, a pair of tweezers, and a plaster from her suitcase.
"Let me take care of that for you, love," Reneé said gently, her voice filled with reassurance as she approached the bed.
Y/n nodded gratefully, trusting Reneé to tend to her injury with the same care and precision she had shown with the electroshock therapy.
Reneé began by carefully cleaning the wound with the pure water, gently dabbing away the dirt and debris. She then applied the disinfectant, her touch gentle but thorough as she ensured the cut was properly cleaned.
Y/n winced slightly at the sting of the disinfectant, but she knew it was necessary to prevent infection. She squeezed Reneé's hand in silent gratitude, drawing strength from her unwavering support.
With the wound clean, Reneé used the tweezers to carefully remove any remaining dirt or debris, her movements precise and deliberate. Once satisfied that the cut was free from contamination, she applied a plaster to protect it from further irritation.
"There, all done," Reneé said softly, her eyes meeting Y/n's with a mixture of tenderness and relief. "You should be good as new in no time."
As the electroshock machine signaled the end of the session with a soft beep, Reneé carefully peeled off the stickers from Y/n's leg, her movements gentle and precise. Y/n, though still not fully feeling her leg, trusted in Reneé's expertise, knowing that her girlfriend was doing everything she could to help.
"Thank you, Reneé," Y/n said softly, a small smile playing on her lips as she shifted slightly on the chair in the bathroom.
Reneé returned the smile, her eyes filled with warmth and affection. "You're welcome, love. Let's get you cleaned up, alright?"
With gentle guidance, Reneé helped Y/n to the bathroom, settling her onto the chair with care. She then proceeded to undress Y/n, her touch tender and respectful as she ensured her girlfriend's comfort and dignity.
Once Y/n was settled, Reneé fetched another chair and placed it inside the shower, making sure it was stable and safe. With a mischievous glint in her eye, Reneé decided to join Y/n in the shower, knowing that her presence would bring comfort and support.
As the warm water cascaded down, Reneé stepped into the shower beside Y/n, her wet skin glistening in the light. Y/n couldn't help but stare, captivated by the sight of Reneé's beauty and strength.
Reneé caught Y/n's gaze and smirked teasingly, the corners of her lips quirking up in amusement. "Like what you see, love?" she teased, her voice laced with playful affection.
Y/n blushed furiously, feeling a rush of warmth flood her cheeks. "I, um... well, yes," she stammered, unable to tear her eyes away from Reneé's captivating presence.
Reneé chuckled softly, her heart swelling with love for her shy girlfriend. "You're adorable, Y/n," she said fondly, reaching out to gently wash Y/n's body with the sponge.
As Reneé continued to help Y/n wash, their laughter and teasing filling the air, Y/n couldn't help but feel grateful for the love and happiness she shared with Reneé. And as they stood together under the warm embrace of the shower, their bond growing stronger with each passing moment, Y/n knew that with Reneé by her side, she could conquer anything that life threw her way.
As the warm water cascaded down, Reneé stood between Y/n's legs, gently washing her girlfriend's body with the sponge. Y/n couldn't resist the temptation, boldly planting kisses along Reneé's thighs, her lips trailing a path of warmth and desire.
Reneé let out soft noises of pleasure, her heart racing with excitement at Y/n's boldness. As Y/n's kisses grew more insistent, Reneé found herself unable to resist, her hands instinctively tangling in Y/n's hair, urging her closer.
Y/n's hands began to roam teasingly over Reneé's legs and ass, eliciting a shiver of pleasure from her girlfriend. Reneé tried to playfully ignore the sensations coursing through her body, focusing instead on washing Y/n with care and attention.
"Y/n," Reneé murmured, her voice husky with desire as she continued to wash her girlfriend's body. "We should... focus on getting you cleaned up."
But Y/n couldn't resist the temptation, her hands exploring every inch of Reneé's skin with eager anticipation. "I can't help it, Reneé," Y/n whispered, her breath hot against Reneé's skin. "You drive me wild."
Reneé let out a soft laugh, her heart swelling with love for her daring girlfriend. "You're something else, Y/n," she said fondly, unable to resist the urge to lean in and capture Y/n's lips in a passionate kiss.
As the water continued to cascade down around them, Reneé resumed washing Y/N, her touch gentle yet firm. Y/N couldn't resist the temptation, her hands still lingering between Reneé's legs, feeling the heat and desire radiating from her girlfriend's body.
Sensing Reneé's arousal, Y/N teased playfully, her movements slow and deliberate. Reneé, unable to resist the temptation, softly opened her legs a bit more, inviting Y/N's touch.
Y/N's fingers danced over Reneé's skin, exploring every curve and contour with eager anticipation. As the desire between them grew, Reneé couldn't hold back any longer. With a soft sigh, she sank down into Y/N's lap, her lips seeking out the sensitive skin of Y/N's neck.
Y/N gasped in pleasure as Reneé's lips trailed hot kisses along her neck, igniting a fire of desire within her. Feeling Reneé's need for friction, Y/N eagerly responded, her hands moving to grip Reneé's hips as she began to grind against her lap.
Reneé moaned softly, the sensation of Y/N's body against hers sending waves of pleasure coursing through her. Lost in the moment, she surrendered herself to the passion, moving in rhythm with Y/N's movements, seeking the ultimate release.
As Y/N's fingers trailed down Reneé's body, igniting a fiery passion within her, Reneé couldn't suppress the sounds of pleasure escaping her lips. With each touch, she felt herself unraveling, lost in the ecstasy of Y/N's touch.
"Babe, please," Reneé gasped, her voice filled with urgency and desire as she begged for more. "I need you."
Y/N responded eagerly to Reneé's plea, showering her with love bites on her chest and teasing her sensitive nipples. "You're so beautiful, Reneé," Y/N whispered, her voice filled with adoration as she lavished praise upon her girlfriend.
Despite the lingering numbness in her leg, Y/N was determined to keep the passion alive. With each movement, she felt the desire building between them, fueling their connection with an intense heat.
Feeling Reneé's need for more, Y/N reached for the strap-on in the cabinet, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. "Are you ready for this, babe?" she asked, her voice filled with anticipation.
Reneé nodded eagerly, her eyes blazing with desire as she got on her knees in front of the strap-on. With trembling hands, Y/N secured the harness around her waist, the anticipation building with each passing moment.
As Reneé knelt between Y/N's legs, the anticipation hung heavy in the air. With a playful smirk, Y/N watched as Reneé took the strap-on into her mouth, her gaze filled with desire and longing.
Feeling a surge of excitement, Y/N couldn't resist the urge to grab Reneé's hair, urging her head deeper as she savored the intoxicating sensation. The sight of Reneé on her knees, pleasuring her with such enthusiasm, sent waves of desire coursing through Y/N's body.
"Keep going, Reneé," Y/N demanded, her voice husky with desire. "I want to feel you, all of you."
Reneé obeyed eagerly, her movements becoming more fervent as she pleasured Y/N with the strap-on. The sound of Y/N's pleasure filled the air, mingling with Reneé's own intoxicating moans.
But Y/N wasn't satisfied with just receiving pleasure. With a hunger in her eyes, she urged Reneé to start playing with herself too, craving the sight of her girlfriend lost in ecstasy.
"Touch yourself, Reneé," Y/N commanded, her voice laced with desire. "I want to see you lose control."
Reneé complied eagerly, her hands moving to explore her own body as she continued to pleasure Y/N with the strap-on. The sight of Reneé pleasuring herself while pleasuring Y/N sent a rush of excitement coursing through Y/N's veins.
With a playful innocence, Reneé looked up at Y/N and asked, "Can I sit in your lap on the strap-on, babe?"
Y/N's eyes sparkled with excitement as she nodded eagerly, unable to resist the thought of having Reneé straddle her in such an intimate way. "Of course, love," Y/N replied, her voice filled with anticipation.
But before Reneé could even lower herself onto Y/N's lap, Y/N's mouth found its way to Reneé's wet center, eager to taste her lover's desire. Reneé let out a gasp of pleasure as Y/N's tongue delved deeper, sending shivers of ecstasy coursing through her body.
Reneé couldn't help but push Y/N's head deeper, craving more of the intoxicating sensation. With each flick of Y/N's tongue, Reneé felt herself teetering on the edge of bliss, her body humming with desire.
Feeling emboldened by Reneé's response, Y/N began to eat her out with fervent enthusiasm, her fingers working in tandem to bring Reneé to the brink of ecstasy. The sensation of Y/N's mouth and fingers driving her wild with pleasure, Reneé's moans filled the air, mingling with the sound of the rushing water from the shower.
With Y/N's tongue expertly driving her wild with pleasure, Reneé couldn't hold back any longer. With a gasp of ecstasy, she practically rode Y/N's face, her body trembling with desire.
Feeling the intensity of Reneé's passion, Y/N eagerly held her lover up to stand by her ass, their bodies pressed close as they reveled in the heat of the moment. Y/N's fingers danced across Reneé's back, scratching just enough to send shivers of pleasure coursing through her body.
Reneé moaned in response to Y/N's touch, the sensation driving her wild with desire. With a commanding tone, Y/N urged Reneé to ride the strap-on, eager to fulfill her lover's every desire.
Reneé obeyed without hesitation, lowering herself onto the strap-on with a shudder of anticipation. Y/N wasted no time in taking control, her fingers moving to play with Reneé's clit, sending waves of pleasure crashing over her.
With each thrust, Reneé felt herself teetering on the edge of ecstasy, the pleasure building to an overwhelming crescendo. And as Y/N's fingers worked their magic, Reneé couldn't hold back any longer, her body convulsing with pleasure as she reached the peak of ecstasy.
With a cry of release, Reneé collapsed into Y/N's arms, their bodies entwined in a passionate embrace.
Y/N held Reneé tightly, her arms wrapped around her lover as they basked in the euphoria of their shared passion. Reneé, still feeling the lingering effects of their intimate encounter, shuddered slightly as she moved, the sensation of the dildo still palpable.
With a mischievous glint in her eye, Y/N couldn't help but feel a rush of desire at the sight of Reneé, her body glistening with water and flushed with pleasure. "You're so beautiful, Reneé," Y/N murmured, her voice filled with adoration.
Reneé chuckled softly, her fingers trailing teasingly along Y/N's skin. "As much as I love this view, babe, I think it's time we moved to the bed," she said playfully, her eyes sparkling with desire.
Y/N nodded eagerly, her heart racing with anticipation as Reneé helped her out of the shower and laid her down on the bed. With each touch, Y/N's desire grew, her body responding eagerly to Reneé's gentle caresses.
As Y/N lay on the bed, growing wet with anticipation, Reneé retrieved the strap-on and expertly put it on, a wicked grin playing on her lips. With a seductive glint in her eye, she crawled onto the bed, moving to straddle Y/N's hips.
"You ready for round two, babe?" Reneé whispered huskily, her voice laced with desire.
Y/N's breath caught in her throat as she nodded eagerly, her body tingling with anticipation. "More than ready, Reneé," she replied, her voice filled with longing.
As Reneé began to jerk the strap-on, her movements smooth and controlled, Y/N's fingers eagerly found their way to Reneé's nipples, teasing and flicking them gently. The sensation sent shivers of pleasure coursing through Reneé's body, her breath hitching with each touch.
With a hunger in her eyes, Reneé positioned herself between Y/N's legs, mindful of her still numb leg. As she pushed into Y/N, the sensation of their bodies coming together ignited a fire within them both. Y/N's moans filled the room, growing louder and filthier with each thrust.
Reneé, driven by desire and passion, moved fast and hard, her movements synchronized with Y/N's cries of pleasure. "You feel so good, Y/N," Reneé praised, her voice filled with adoration and longing.
Y/N begged for more, her pleas echoing in the air as she surrendered herself to the pleasure consuming her. Reneé, unable to resist Y/N's desperate cries, removed the strap-on and moved to taste her lover's desire.
With a hunger in her eyes, Reneé began to lick and suck on Y/N's clit, her movements skilled and deliberate. Y/N writhed beneath her touch, lost in the ecstasy of the moment as Reneé's tongue drove her to the brink of bliss.
As Y/N's back arched on the bed, her fingers tangled in Reneé's hair, she pushed her lover deeper, moaning Reneé's name loudly into the air. Pleasure surged through her veins, igniting a fire that burned hotter with each passing moment.
"Reneé, please," Y/N begged, her voice filled with desperate longing. "I need you."
Reneé, unable to resist Y/N's pleading, felt her own desire surge to new heights. With a hunger in her eyes, she eagerly obliged, her body moving to straddle Y/N's, their hips grinding together in a primal rhythm.
As their bodies moved in perfect harmony, their clits rubbing together in a symphony of pleasure, Y/N and Reneé lost themselves in the intoxicating rush of desire. With each movement, their passion intensified, building to a crescendo that threatened to consume them both.
Moans and cries of pleasure filled the room as they surrendered themselves to the ecstasy of their love, their bodies entwined in a passionate embrace.
As Y/n's moans filled the room, punctuated by cries of "yes" repeated like a mantra, Reneé couldn't help but speed up, the intensity of their lovemaking reaching new heights. With each thrust, Reneé threw her head back in ecstasy, lost in the pleasure of their connection.
Suddenly, Y/N's body tensed, her back arching off the bed as waves of pleasure washed over her. Without warning, she reached her peak, crying out in ecstasy as she came, her release triggered by the sheer intensity of Reneé fucking her senseless.
Reneé, still teetering on the edge of climax, watched with a mix of awe and desire as Y/N surrendered herself to pleasure. But as Y/N's command pierced the air, Reneé knew what she had to do.
As Reneé straddled Y/n's face, her own fingers teasing her sensitive nipples, she felt a surge of desire course through her veins. With each flick of her fingers, pleasure radiated through her body, intensifying the sensations pulsating between her legs.
Y/n, hungry for more, didn't hesitate to oblige, her hands finding their way to Reneé's ass, delivering sharp slaps that sent waves of pleasure reverberating through Reneé's body. Moans and cries filled the room as Y/n devoured Reneé with fervent enthusiasm, her tongue dancing over Reneé's clit with expert precision.
"Beg for it, Reneé," Y/n demanded, her voice husky with desire as she continued to eat out her lover.
Reneé, lost in the throes of passion, could only comply, her cries growing louder and more desperate with each passing moment. "Please, Y/n," she pleaded, her voice filled with need. "I need more."
As Y/n continued to pleasure her, Reneé felt herself teetering on the edge of ecstasy. With each flick of Y/n's tongue, she felt herself drawing closer to the brink, her body humming with desire.
"I'm close," Reneé moaned, her voice thick with desire as she neared the peak of pleasure.
As Y/n sensed Reneé's desperation for release, she embraced her dominant side, determined to push her lover over the edge. With a firm grip on Reneé's hips, Y/n delivered sharp slaps to Reneé's ass cheeks, the sound echoing in the room as Reneé's moans filled the air.
Feeling the intensity of Y/n's touch, Reneé arched her back, tipping her head back in pleasure as she sought support on Y/n's stomach. The sensation of Y/n's dominance drove her wild with desire, her body trembling with anticipation.
Y/n continued to assert her dominance, her hands roaming over Reneé's body with expert precision. With each touch, Reneé felt herself drawing closer to the brink, her body humming with desire.
Unable to hold back any longer, Reneé felt the tension building within her, the pleasure reaching an unbearable peak. And then, with a cry of ecstasy, she let go, her body convulsing as she released a torrent of pleasure, squirting all over Y/n's face.
As the waves of pleasure washed over her, Reneé collapsed onto the bed, her body spent from the intensity of their lovemaking.
As Reneé experienced her first squirting, Y/N was momentarily stunned, her eyes widening in surprise. It was a new experience for both of them, and while Reneé shuddered from the aftermath, Y/N could see a hint of embarrassment in her eyes.
But Y/N quickly reassured her, wrapping her arms around Reneé and holding her tight. "That was incredible, Reneé," Y/N murmured, her voice filled with genuine admiration. "You're amazing."
Feeling a rush of warmth at Y/N's praise, Reneé buried her face in Y/N's chest, her cheeks flushing with color. "I... I didn't expect that," she admitted softly.
Y/N gently kissed the top of Reneé's head, stroking her hair with tender affection. "It's okay, love," Y/N reassured her. "It's just another beautiful part of you."
With a contented sigh, Reneé pushed herself closer to Y/N, seeking comfort in their embrace. Y/N gladly obliged, spooning Reneé and wrapping the blanket around their naked bodies like a cocoon.
As they lay together in the aftermath of their passionate encounter, Y/N continued to stroke Reneé's hair, their hearts beating in perfect harmony. And as they drifted off to sleep, entwined in each other's arms, they knew that their love would only grow stronger with each passing day.
#fandom#fanfic#reneé rapp x reader#renee rapp x reader#renee rapp#renee rapp x fem!reader#reneé rapp x fem!reader#reneé rapp
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Finnick’s trauma and comforting him:( /angst/
TW: mentions of forced prostitution and description of some gore and violence, a little bit of self hatred, talking about traumatic events
A/N: to all those survivors and victims of traumatic events, I’m proud of you…and this is a reminder that your loved ones are always willing to listen. Also, this is quite long so buckle up!
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I think it is pretty much common knowledge that Finnick Odair has some deep trauma from his time in the games and past. Although most victors of the Hunger Games suffered the same fate, Finnick was caught in Snow’s grasp too young..too vulnerable. He was forced to participate in the 65th Hunger Games at only 14-to kill others for survival- and when he won, thinking that all the suffering would be over then, he was threatened to become a prostitute at 16, otherwise his loved ones would be slaughtered- in which they did.
Finnick tries so hard to put on a facade in front of the Capitol- when he attends shows and interviews- and he does an amazing job at that. He tries so, so hard to remain strong for you too…to try and convince you that he really is alright by lying that his past no longer haunts him. He wants to assure you that he is stable because he is afraid of becoming a burden to you, afraid to be pushed away or feared by you because of his ‘problems’. The last thing he needs is to have the last person he loves vanish from his life.
However, at times, the stresses and memories just come flooding back to him and he finds himself breaking down.
Sometimes at night, you’ll be awoken by the soft sobs of Finnick crying, and seeing him in that state just absolutely destroys you…as if a thousand knives to your heart.
His back is facing you to avoid having you see his teary face, quietly sniffing into a pillow in his arm. He looks so vulnerable…almost like he’s fourteen all over again, and your heart throbs at the sight of your love- usually so big and strong- breaking down into pieces.
“…F-Finnick, my love?” You whisper ever so softly, sitting up against the headboard as you place a your much smaller hand on his shoulder.
Finnick turns at you, his eyes red and tears welling up at his waterline, long lashes wet and cheeks a little flushed from crying. He blinks, wiping away his tears, voice raspy as he says apologetically,
“Honey….I’m so sorry I woke you up.”
This man. He’s breaking down and he is so selfless that he apologises to you for experiencing valid emotions?!
“Oh Finnick, why are you apologising? It’s not your fault..you know it never is. Was it the nightmares again?” you ask gently with sympathetic eyes.
You have no idea what Finnick had to go through in the Hunger Games or any idea of what it is like to have your body sold but whatever it feels like, you know it must be terrible…so painful and terrible for somebody as strong as Finnick to be shattered. And you wouldn’t even have to think for a second to do anything at all -to kill or to sacrifice your own safety- just to share half of Finnick’s pain….to lift the weighs off his shoulders.
“My love, would you like me to hold you?” It is the least you can offer.
Finnick sniffs quietly and nod, moving closer to you to lay on your chest. Your fingers delve into his golden curls, playing with his hair as it is one of your favourite ways to calm him down. The two of you find peace in the silence before you ask softly:
“Would you like to share what happened, Finnick? Or we can talk about it when you feel better and just cuddle back to sleep…whatever you’re comfortable with, my love.”
Finnick is quiet for a few moments before he blinks and rubs at his wet lashes, “..it was…it was another nightmare. I had to kill the last tribute…a young girl from district 11. She was only a few years older than me…forced into the Games too…and I had to k-kill her to win…” His voice cracks as a tear rolls down his cheeks, and you wipe it away with your thumb, nodding as you listen attentively.
“It was terrible…the look on her face when I stabbed her with my trident…I can still remember her shrill screams, the look of betrayal on her face…the way her body thudded to the ground with blood soaking up her wetsuit.” Finnick begins to sob once more.
“Shhh..shhh” you coo, stroking Finnick’s cheeks as you attempt to comfort him.
Finnick shakes his head, breath hitched and uneven as he sobs in your hands, and the heartache of seeing him like this nearly eats you alive.
“I…I’m disgusting…I feel impure….and with what Snow did to me…”
“…the things he made me do…I feel disgusting....”
Prostitution is something you know of Finnick’s past, but it is a topic he has never really opened up on until this moment. You never forced him or questioned him about it because you know it is an event of great trauma to him.
You can only stroke Finnick’s hair to sooth him and hold him tightly in support as he continues, feeling both sympathy and proudness that he is able to open up about this topic.
“No matter how much I try to wash myself, to scrub my skin and submerge myself in soap, I can still smell the sickening scent of Capitol perfumes. Sometimes…I feel sorry that I can’t be a better partner for you sweetheart……and I’m so afraid that you’ll leave me or regret me or feel shameful of me.”
You cup Finnick’s face for him to look at you and there are a thousand emotions visible in your eyes as you speak.
“Are you kidding, Finnick? Look me in the eye when I tell you that I will never regret loving you or feel ashamed of you. I’m so proud to have you as my partner, as my lover, so proud of how strong you are…how strong you remain after the terrible things you had to go through.”
“In fact, my love, I look up to you. You’re my role model Finnick, and if I were in your shoes, I would not be able to handle things half as well as you do. You are kind, amazing, beautiful and definitely not disgusting. Trust me when I say that that is the last thing you’ll ever be. Besides, it wasn’t your choice to kill that tribute, anyone would’ve done the same.”
And with that, his sea green eyes softens, and that smile you’re familiar with finally appears on his face. Dimples when he smiles. You press a soft kiss on his forehead and stroke his hair as the two of you hold each other sleepily, slowly dozing off to a deep slumber. The last words you mutter being:
“I love you, my love.”
“I love you more, honey. And thank you….really.”
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A/N: AHHHH! tell me why I almost cried writing this?! This is my first angst and I think the lost piece I’ve written by far (on this new account). Please like or reblog if you enjoyed this, and follows are most definitely appreciated ;)
#finnick odair#finnick odair x reader#finnick x reader#finnick odair fluff#finnick odair imagine#finnick odair smut#finnick x y/n#the hunger games#finnick smut#finnick odair drabble#thg finnick#thg series#finnick fluff#finnick odair angst#finnick odair fanfic#finnick odair x fem!reader#finnick x you#finnick angst
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