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#about not wanting what you dreamt of anymore bc you don’t know who you are or what you want and you don’t know who the real you is anymore
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TokRev Boys as (songs about) Cheaters (again)
but lil drabbles this time! (<400 words each) for multiple characters bc i haven't written anything in a whole ass while p suggestive at points and obviously lots of infidelity.
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Follow me;; You're feelin guilty and I'm well aware; But you don't look ashamed and baby I'm not scared
“Baby,” his voice cooed into your ear, “hey, look at me.” You dug your face deeper in your lover’s neck to catch your breath from exertion taking advantage of your position on top of the man to dodge his eyes. You were sure that, given your history, when he felt the heat of your cheeks burn his neck he’d understand. And he did. He knew the weight of the rings nestled on your left hand were heavy with guilt. He knew you weren’t proud of how often you found yourself under him or in this case on top of him knowing your husband would be home in just two hours, hungry for the dinner you didn’t even care to start yet. But he also knew that when he was fucking you, you never looked so happy. He knew that you’d met your match with him, that your husband could never compare to him sexually. He knew you wanted, no needed, this arrangement even more than he did. “Come on angel, talk to me.” The dulcet tone he spoke in washed over you and with a sigh, you spoke slowly against the junction of his shoulder.
“You know already, s’just not right. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”
He hummed at that and lifted your hips to slide himself from your warmth, “What’s not right is him having someone like you and not giving her what she needs.” He countered shaper than he meant to. Falling back into his routine of soothing your conscience, he softened, “I know you feel guilty,” he coaxed your head from his neck and brush some hair behind your ear, “but don’t deny yourself this tiny bit of happiness,” big hands cup your face and pull your foreheads together, “because he doesn’t know. He won’t know. What he doesn’t know can’t hurt any of us. And baby,” he brought his lips to ghost over yours, “I’m not scared of him.”
mikey, baji, RAN
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Lips of an angel;; Well, my girl's in the next room/Sometimes I wish she was you/I guess we never really moved on
“Sweetheart, why’s your boss calling you so late?”
Oh. A half-rehearsed huff of annoyance left his lips as he thumped down the stairs of his shared apartment to pluck his vibrating phone from his girlfriend’s hand. “Who knows.” He grumbles and excuses himself with a pained smile.
Having safely absconded to his office, he picks up the phone, “Hey, it’s late, what’s up, angel?” His tone is hardly more than an airy whisper and tinted with concern at the edges. A soft whimper of his name puts him at full alert, but god he’d never get over hearing his name tumble for your lips, “Honey are you crying?” He curses the situation, knowing he can’t realistically leave his place at 10 pm to comfort the ex he’d never fallen out of love with under the pretense of work.  
You let out a whiny noise of disagreement and he snaps into understanding, imagining the way your teeth catch the plush of your lower lip with your hands between your thighs. “Oh, my girl’s needy.” He coos into the receiver, “You know,” his voice drops an octave and listens carefully for signs that his girlfriend was busying herself in the kitchen as he palms at himself, “I dreamt about you last night after you told me yours. Dreamt that you were my girl again. That I could paint that pretty pussy white whenever the fuck I wanted it.”
He never meant for things to go this far when he insisted you two ‘stay friends’ when you broke things off, but fuck if it didn’t feel like the most rewarding gamble of his life every single time he got to hear your adorable pitchy sounds when he made you cum. Even if it was sparsely in person these days.
draken, MITSUYA, kakucho
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Got my number;; If you need someone who can love you while he's gone/Baby, you got my number, got my number
Your fingers hover over your keyboard, inspecting the generic greeting text you’ve typed out for the fourth time and once again find some flaw. Or, maybe it wasn’t a flaw in the text but your conscience telling you to keep you proverbial mouth shut and not reach out to the hot guy you hit it off with at that girls’ night out a week ago. You don’t get to consider the origin of the feeling that keeps you tapping backspace with fervor for long, however, because suddenly you see the green ring around his profile picture in your messaging app. He’s in the chat. He’s seeing you flounder. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. You close the app and throw your phone at the other end of the couch. Fuck it. No booty call is worth that shame, especially with the stakes as high as they were with your boyfriend’s uncertain business travel plans. Forget it. It was stupid to take that chance anyw-
Your damned phone rings and you know exactly who it is before you even look. You answer with the most obvious faux unbothered “hello” that has ever been spoken and curse your nerves for betraying you.
“Darling,” his voice drawls and you can hear his fucking smirk, “I may bite, but I don’t judge. Now what was it you were wanting to ask?” He questioned, fully aware of your answer.
“I thought about your offer the other night and thought we could maybe meet in the middle and hang out sinc-“
“Since your bed is empty?”
“-Since I happen to not have plans and could use some entertainment.” You said with a diplomatic and only mildly indignant tone to hide the embarrassment of being seen through.
“If it’ll make you feel better, I can take you to that nice Italian place ya told your friends he’d never agree to go to. You can pretend we’re having a nice proper date before I fuck you senseless. How’s that sound?”
SHUJI, inui, RINDOU
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So that's a thing I did.
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saintjosie · 1 month
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Hey, maybe I dreamt it and it wasn't you, but did you have brain fog issues with spiro? How was that like and how did you found out about it and tell your doctor? I think I'm having these issues as well and don't want to mess with my prescription but I don't know what to do about it and how to deal with it. I'm like a year and 8 months into hrt having 4mg of oral e and 100mg of spiro, if that helps.
i have absolutely talked about this before! and yes, spiro did give me horrendous brain fog.
spiro gets the job done in the same way that you could technically use a sledgehammer to hammer a nail. it wasn’t designed for hrt and it is rarely if ever prescribed at the dosages we take other than for trans fem hrt.
this is gonna be a long post so obligatory read more
one thing you gotta watch out for with docs prescribing spiro is that a lot of them don’t know how much you really need and therefore just prescribe what’s recommended by very outdated and outright transphobic guidelines (for more on this look up the bullshit about WPATH). the guidelines are very much cookie cutter kind of template and since every person is different, they don’t always work well.
i got put on the max dose of spiro about 1 year on hrt (200mg) and my brain fog was so bad i was barely able to do my job, on top of other side effects like extreme dehydration to the point where i was fainting.
fortunately, there are other options! it got a LOT better for me after i switched to finesteride and finesteride has worked great for me with no notable side effects!
and there are other options too! i’ve never taken any of these but you can ask your doctor about leuprorelin, flutamide, dutasteride, or if you’re not in the states, cyproterone acetate.
another viable option is no t-blocker at all and that’s called mono e. this one i don’t know as much about but i think it works only if your t is already suppressed enough before you start it and i think it also helps if you’re on progesterone.
also a side note about progesterone, my new doctor, who is VERY knowledgeable and actively educates themself on new info about hrt told me that progesterone is actually not recommended anymore bc even though many trans women say that it helps, it can also cause some kind of issue (that i can’t remember specifically unforunately). also they said that if you do add it, waiting until you’re 4-5 years into hrt might be better and again i’m not exactly sure why.
imo, get off spiro as soon as you can cause spiro is the worrrrrst.
but anyways, hope that helps!
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Reality: she send a message saying if I wanna come over.. one I don’t wanna drive to her place(an excuse bc I like long drives). I barely never text because i honestly don’t care for her. I’m over it for a long time that s-x could never make me stay. my soul needs full love… I know that’s ironic because as much as I like the idea of love, my body my being can’t act or welcome it peaceful without questioning it or flinching.. how damage am I?
Dream: so in my dream I guess it I saw the text she said if I want to come over later.. send at 5am. Then I dreamt without replying. But I was in bed or idk how we got together but the x v x appears.. keep in mind I haven’t seen any of her social media accounts in ALMOST ALMOST A YEAR. I still can’t believe. But anyways.. we are just there and I ask her if she’s still dating some girl and she’s like no again.. she mention she struggle with some food thing and got broken up. And I’m chill like oh that’s bad. In my head thinking why would anyone leave her lol dumb me. We talked about things.. and idk how we ended in bed together but talking under the covers.. that is when I mention this other girl from the reality and how she likes me and how I slept with her. We talked of school. I liked how open we were with talking that we weren’t passive or anything. But there was sooooo much detail in what we talked about that I don’t know if in my dream just felt true. It felt real, honest and two people that just click. The only times communicate works. Idk what happen next but you kissed me and other things.. and it just felt natural. Who knows. it’s ironic the times you show up and people.. but oh well now I can live without this whole thing. But still distancing myself and not looking back for u yet. I just let time go and be. Never think deep about anything anymore. I’ll never know what went down deeply or your emotions to fully talk to me without interruption but it’s ok. I’m not even into you so eu não sei
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awindylife-writes · 3 years
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Voyage of the Damned Part 3
Relationships: the Doctor x reader, Astrid x reader (platonic), Astrid x Doctor (platonic)
Summary: Voyage of the Damned rewrite. The Doctor and you find yourselves on the Titanic, space edition. You meet Astrid and get ready for a wonderful day, but then a meteor shower hits the ship and it starts falling towards Earth.
Author's notes: There was a number of things l didn't like about this Christmas special so again, l rewrote it.
Warnings: a ship crashes, multiple mentions of dearth bc a lot of people die, Astrid dies
"It's for the Doctor!" Astrid yelled at Midshipman Frame over the comms. She needed to teleport NOW. "Y/n and him are down on deck thirty-one, alone, against all the Host and Gods know what else and they're doing it for us!" Silence on the other end. "It's time we did something for them," she ended her speech with a finallity.
A moment passed and she feared she'd failed.
But then, "Giving you power," came through the comms.
~
"Only one person could have the power and the money to hide themselves on board like that. And l should know, 'cause..." the Doctor trailed off. You stared at the strange compartment you had found on deck thirty-one.
"My name is Max," a voice finished for him. A strange machine with a head in it came through the smoke.
"Who the hell are you?" it demaned.
"I'm y/n, and this is the Doctor," you pointed at your friend with false cheerfulness, "Hello!" you wiggled your fingers in greeting.
~
"You wreck the ship and the board find their shares halved in value." The Doctor was spelling out Capricorn's plan.
"But that's not enough," you interjected. From what you've learned about them, mad billionares who were losing all their money didn't do things half-way.
"Oh yes,"  the Doctor went on. "'Cause if a Max Capricorn ship hits the Earth, it destroys an entire planet. Outrage back home!" he growled. "Scandal! The buisness is wiped out!"
The billionare's head nodded. "And? The whole board is thrown in jail, for mass murder!" His eyes shone with revenge.
"While you sit here, safe in the- what's it called?" you turned to the Doctor.
"Impact camber," he filled in.
"I have men," Capricorn gloated now, "waiting to retreave me from the ruins. And enough off-world accounts to retire me to the beaches of Enhaxico Two where the ladies, so l'm told, are very fond of... metal."
You were going to puke.
"So that's the plan," the Doctor growled in rage. "A retirement plan. Two thousand people on this ship, six billion underneath us, all of them slaughtered and why? Because Max Capricorn is a loser."
"I never lose," the billionare's head scowled in threat and your voice immediately rang out, mocking, "You can't even sink the Titanic!"
"Oh but l can, pretty girl!" he laughed. "I can cancel the engines, from here!" Red lights and alarms were suddenly flaring everywhere before you could spit in his face.
The Doctor yelled behind you, "You can't do this!"
"Host, hold them!" Caprocorn ordered in turn and began the Gloat 2.0. "Not so clever now, are you? Shame we couldn't work together, you two are rather good. All that banter and yet not a word wasted." The head sighed. "Time for me to... retire."
Ugh, you thought as you furiously tried to get free. That pun alone would be enough to kill a buisness.
"The Titanic is falling, the sky will burn, let the Christmas inferno commence!" Capricorn yelled in victory and called his minions. "Kill them!"
The robots brought up their halos and went for the Doctor's neck.
"NO!" You fought with everything you had but you were late, you'd be too late!
"MISTER CAPRICORN!" a voice you knew cut through your fear.
And it ignited terror. It was Astrid, sitting in a forklift. "I resign," she told the head and drove forward, ful throttle.
"NO!" the Doctor and you screamed, "ASTRID STOP!" "ASTRID DON'T!"
She didn't listen and rammed into the life support system, but its engine was too strong. They were equal and couldn't move each other.
You bit, kicked and screamed, anything to get free.
But then she caught your eyes with hers and everything stopped. There was an eternity in her face. She looked at the Doctor too but you still stared at her.
Then she turned away and stepped on it. The life support lifted and she drove on.
There was no sound. The world was mute as you watched Astrid go over.
You were suddenly at the edge, looking at her disappear into the fire. Someone was screaming. Someone was screaming and you wanted to calm them, help them.
Then you realized it was your own voice.
The world came back into focus. The ship was falling apart and the Doctor was silent at your side. He was staring at the spot where Astrid had disappeared. His face was pale and his eyes blank. You laid your tears aside and took his hand.
"We need to go," you told him, your voice wet with tears. He didn't move.
"Doctor, we need to go,"  you told him again calmly. You thought that was why he looked at you suddenly, and then stood up.
He rewired a Host with lightning speed. It took you each under one arm and off you went.
When you broke through the ceiling of the bridge, you were still in one piece. Arms you had used to shield your head were a bit bloody and you were sure there were at least two splinters in them. You don't look the gift horse in the mouth, even though you would prefer a different Christmas miracle.
"What's your first name?" the Doctor asked the injured Midshipman Frame.
He answered in confusion, "Alonzo."
"You're kidding," the Doctor breathed as a shocked smile spread on his face. You didn't know. You just didn't know anymore. You were drowing in the emptiness inside you but his name was Alonzo.
"Allons-y, Alonzo!" the Doctor yelled and you held on tight. You didn't scream. You didn't even open your mouth. There was nothing anymore.
The Doctor whoohooed when he managed to right the course of the ship and you were just there. Were you there? Astrid wasn't. And that was what mattered in the end.
~
"TELEPORT!" the Doctor yelled and it didn't matter. "Y/N, SHE WAS WEARING A TELEPORT BRACELET!!!"
That woke you up. You ran faster than ever before, to the main deck where the teleport was.
"Brixton, sonic," the Doctor demanded from the billionare and caught it as it was thrown. "Mister Copper, the teleports, have they got an emergency setting??"
"I don't know, they should have?"
"She fell, Mister Copper, she fell!" the Doctor told him while pulling apart the machine like a madman. "What's the emergency code?"
The billionare interjected, "What the hell are you doing?"
"We can bring her back!" you yelled with everything in you.
The historian explained, "If a passenger has an accident on shore leave, their molecules are automatically suspended so they're in stasis, so if you just trigger the shift..."
"THERE!!!" the Doctor screamed and flicked the switch.
And there was your Astrid.
"Falling..." You could hear her voice!
"Only halfway there, come on!" The Doctor wasn't finished with the teleporter.
"I keep falling!" She was scared. Your friend was scared and you wanted nothing but to calm her. You carefully walked up to her and took hold of her hand. It felt like holding warm smoke.
There were tears on your cheeks already, again.
"If l can find the molecule grid, boost the restoration matrix and-" The computer snapped and threw sparks. "NO-NO-NO-NO-NO!!" the Doctor screamed in desparation, "need more phase containment-"
You sobbed, but you knew what was coming. You just looked at your Astrid Pith, into her crystal blue eyes and sushed her. "Hey, hey Astrid, it's alright. It's me, it's y/n, remember? You're alright. l've got you," you promised with a voice as soft as sunlight.
She didn't look as scared as before. Then, so slowly you thought you were imagining it, she looked at you.
"Let her go," you could hear the historian and you sobbed again.
But then Astrid's voice cut through. "Stop me falling?" she asked and you nodded. You found her gaze with yours and promised her, "Anything."
"She's just atoms," you heard Mister Copper from behind you. "An echo with a ghost of consciousness."
"She's stardust," you concluded as your voice broke. "You hear that Astrid?" you asked, still looking into her blue eyes."You're stardust."
She didn't seem to hear, so you did the only thing you could think of.
"There's an old tradition," you told her and softly kissed her cheek. Then you kissed the other, and then her forehead.
"You dreamt of traveling," the Doctor came to stand beside you. You were still sobbing when you pulled away from her and you didn't try to stop. There was no one there you needed to save face for.
"Now you can travel forever," you told her. You knew what the Doctor would do, and your eyes didn't leave hers for a moment.
You heard him soothe her, "You're not falling Astrid."
"You're flying," you both said in one voice.
You watched as she floated away, through the window into the universe.
Then you turned to the Doctor and buried your face in his chest as you both cried.
~
"I transferred all my shares to Max Capricorn's rivals. It's made me rich," the billionare Brixton admitted, disbelieving.
You were empty, and you were tired. That was the only reason why you didn't tear this man limb from limb. Astrid was dead.
"Mister Copper," the Doctor's voice woke you up. "I think, you deserve one of these."
You turned around and saw him holding a teleport bracelet out to the historian. Then, after the latter took it, he slipped one on your wrist. He took your hand and suddenly you were standing in the snow.
~
"But l can have a house, and a garden and-" You couldn't help but smile a little. At least Mister Copper would be alright.
The Doctor yelled after him, "Where are you going?"
"I have no idea!" the man replied in joy.
"Well, we don't either," your alien smiled gently at you and you tried to smile back, you really did. He looked at you, his brown eyes full of sorrow, and pulled you to him. You held onto him tightly as he hugged you.
"But! Y/N!" the historian yelled and you turned in his direction.
"I won't forget her," he promised you. You were tired, so so tired, so you just nodded. "Thank you," you told Mister Copper for her. "We won't either."
"We won't," the Doctor assured you softly, just to be sure.
Then he opened the TARDIS door and stepped into your home after you. You walked up the way and then stood in front of the controls, lost.
The Doctor walked up behind you and decided he would do anything, anything to keep away the blank look in your eyes. He turned to you and pulled you to him again. You let him, your movements sluggish and dazed.
"I've got you," he assured you. "I've got you, y/n. You aren't alone, and you aren't lost. You've got me." And that was enough. You sobbed into his chest, you didn't know for which time today.
But this was different. This was yours, and you clung to the Doctor as everything in you came to the surface.
His tears joined yours. He'd lost Astrid too, and he hated seeing you in pain. He slowly brought both of you down to kneel when you were too tired to stand.
And that was it. That was what you needed and that was what you had. You would be alright. In time, you would be alright.
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boognish-worshipper · 3 years
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Remember the Rain
praying this is the final part of “Sunrise, Sunset” by the time i’m done omg ,, lamar finally talks it out with frank. i was tryna keep the titles consistent with a sky theme? wasn’t sure what to name this one at first, but i settled on naming it after a i song that i felt was sorta fitting lol ,, also lamar’s dramatic when drunk, that’s jus how it’s gonna be
oh and i included one last convo w/ that psychic lady bc each character got three opportunities to speak to her lol
//
The night Franklin and him fought was the third night in a row Lamar couldn’t sleep right. Then it became four. Then five. Six. He had hoped after the first couple days of Franklin being mad, that it’d all blow over and things would go back to normal. That he wouldn’t ever have to say anything about what he felt deep down. Even though he told himself he had to, he wouldn’t. He waited it out, and still hoped it would all just fucking blow over. That wasn’t what happened of course.
An overcast sky was spread over LS, light rain tapping against Lamar’s window. As cheesy as it was, it reflected how he felt. Another day had passed. Franklin wasn’t picking up, not even reading his texts, nothing. He called a couple times at first when the fourth day of the silent treatment occurred, then tried a few more times to contact him in the following days. It had grown into a long and sad string of texts.
franklin.
dog
plz
pick up
answer me
plz?
c’mon frank i told you i have nothin goin on with yo auntie
i wanna talk things out with you.
u ain’t let me finish explaining
text me when u read this. plz bro
He sighed. This was hopeless. He set his phone aside, still laying awake. A buzz came right after. Fucking finally, something.
fuck you
we got nothin to discuss
He didn’t know how to feel. This was fucking him up and he couldn’t think straight. He tried calling him once more, the ringing as he waited for a pick up mocking him. Voicemail yet again. How many messages had he tried leaving at this point?
for fucks sake frank pick up
u ain’t doin this to me rn
jus let me explain myself
He stared at the ceiling yet again, like it would have all the answers sprawled out for him. As he did, he focused on how the rain had picked up, coming down harder. Then he felt his phone buzz.
no
now stop blowing my phone up
i’m tryna sleep
Lamar was never one to be sensitive, but he felt so crushed right now that all he could do was cry silently to himself. He didn’t even have Chop around anymore to comfort him like he normally would whenever Lamar was going through something. Would he even see him again? He lived over at Frank’s now. Fuck. Did this mean they’d have to share custody now? If he wasn’t so upset, he most likely would’ve laughed at the idea of it. He was letting bad thoughts consume him, turning to a last minute resort of drinking to try stopping it. This kind of thing rarely happened to him, these kind of feelings weren’t common. He knew no other method of trying to stuff bad feelings down, working through a 6 pack of beer on his own, followed by a bottle of some type of random liquor. Anything to stifle the pain in his chest, although it didn’t accomplish much other than making him feel even more queasy. He left one last voicemail, choking back a sob. Or what he had thought would be the last one. He lost count.
“Franklin. Please jus’ talk to me already man. You- you believin’ what you wanna believe right now, you ain’t even givin’ me a chance. You my best fuckin’ friend, don’t that mean shit to you anymore? We.. homies n shit.” He sniffled, cringing to himself when he said the words “best friend”. Franklin was so much more than that to him.
“Ion… Ion think I can live without you in my life. You can’t hate me man that shit.. that’s fucked. This is fucked. I’m fucked.”
A strong feeling of humiliation hung around him for many reasons, one being that he was fully crying now, over the phone. He couldn’t get any lower.
“You jus’ mad right now. But you.. you won’t be, eventually. Right? Please get back to me soon. Please. I’d rather fuckin’.. die or sum’ than have you hatin’ me n shit. At this point I might as well.”
After hanging up, he decided to visit that site one last time. His tears blurred his vision, making it harder to type. The shit in his system didn’t help either.
lady
i fuckef up
thsi is yo faukt
What now? Why are you back?
frankljn hates me
He does? That’s not right.
damn straighy it fuckign isnt
No, I mean that’s not correct.
There’s no way that he could, even if it seems like it right now.
jus fuckin tell me whst to do
That’s out of my hands.
is not u fuckin wirch
*withc
*witch
Look, I really don’t know how else to help you. I don’t have any other visions to offer. You’re on your own.
They do say though, that dreams are visions themselves.
dont fukcin speak in riddles rn
Precognition, Lamar. Just have faith
prewhatnow
n yeah. faith. bc that helps so fuckn much
All I can say to you is good luck - it’s all coming together. Just wait.
th fuck does that mean?
It means that you’re stressing too much - you better sleep it off. Farewell Lamar. You’re gonna have a killer hangover you know…
SERVICE UNAVAILABLE. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.
The notification did nothing but make him more upset. He calmed down eventually, the crying and alcohol tiring him out. He blacked out soon after, not remembering when he fell asleep.
For the first time in a while, he dreamt about the two of them. The start of the dream showed a radiant sight before them, the sky lit up in a million shades. Chop was laying beside Franklin, head on his thigh. All three of them sat on a grassy knoll, a soft breeze blowing through each blade. Franklin turned, Lamar not taking his eyes off him since the dream started. He only noticed the sky’s wide color palette because the intensity struck Franklin’s face just right. He looked right into Lamar’s eyes, speaking softly.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“What?”
“You had so many opportunities. So many times, I thought that you would. I got my hopes up, you know. I waited. When Tanisha left.. I only had you.”
“Tanisha..”
“I still love her. I.. I think apart of me always will, but I love you just the same. Even if you drive me up a Goddamn wall sometimes. You both mean the world to me.”
Franklin looked back at the view ahead. A heavenly indigo replaced the vivid hues from before.
“But she’s gone now. Shit ain’t the same. All I know is you stayed when she didn’t. Even when she got pulled outta the hood and made some kinda new life for herself, you never left my side. Never changed yo loyalties.”
He turned back to face Lamar again. His eyes were glassy, the glow of the midnight sky reflecting in them.
“So why didn’t you say somethin’ sooner?”
“Franklin.. I ain’t deduce that shit ‘til now.“
“You really didn’t know?”
Even in the dream he could feel that previous frustration occur in his mind. Was he hiding in a glass closet or something? He could only let out a wry laugh.
“Yeah man. I was a fuckin’ fool, jus’ like you always said.”
“Damn straight.” He chuckled, and Lamar came to the conclusion that he could listen to that laugh forever. Franklin’s face then fell solemn.
“Y’know I really thought that.. I really thought that you jus’ got with someone else. Not even jus’ my Aunt. I saw how you wanted to get away from me, and I thought…” He stopped himself, petting Chop’s head.
“I.. wanted to be happy if you was, but the thought of that at all bothered me.”
“Why?”
“Cuz you were all I had, dog. Mike n Trevor, they have their own lives, their own history n shit. I can’t always rely on them. Denise don’t give a fuck what happen to me. You my lifeline dog, I’ve known you for years. I didn’t want you to forget me over a chick or sum’. That day you acted all different n shit, it worried me.”
“Hey man, y’know I ain’t ever gon pull that shit on you. I’m with you for life.”
“Then don’t pull other kinda stupid shit on me.”
“Whatchu mean?”
“You can’t ever die on me bro. That ain’t how this shit works.”
“Ay man, I don’t plan on dying jus’ yet. Not unless yo ass by my side. Not ‘til I tell you I…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.
Franklin got closer to his face, cupping his cheek. His eyes shone as the stars around them fell from the sky, akin to raindrops, hitting them. Everything about him was flooding Lamar’s senses, and it felt surreal, between his aroma and all the other things he loved about Franklin. Golden flecks covered them both, and the stars continued to crash down. The sky was growing darker than before.
“Just say the words Lamar. Say them and this shit’ll be over.”
“How?”
“Well first you need to wake yo ass up.”
“Huh?”
“I said wake up, fool!”
Lamar’s blissful dream had been interrupted by an unknown figure shaking him, literal raindrops hitting his face. He was still bleary eyed, only seeing a vague silhouette in front of him. A wet slap to the face rattled his brain around, the hangover settling in. Shit, was he still drunk? What time was it?
“Lamar! Get up!”
“Oh.. Th’fuck? Who- who that is?” He grunted out.
“It’s me you fuckin’ clown!”
“Frank?”
“Who the fuck else?”
“Why are you-”
He was abruptly yanked out of bed, thudding to the floor with a small “oof”.
“Get up you punk bitch!”
“Franklin what the fuck-”
He was grabbed again, tossed back onto his bed. Franklin straddled him, shaking Lamar by the collar.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He said, Lamar getting another slap to the face.
“What in the fresh fuck is you talkin’-” Another slap.
“15 fuckin’ missed phone calls! 15! Are you fuckin’ nuts?!”
Lamar’s eyes practically popped out of his head. 15? What the fuck did he say to him?
“I did what-”
Franklin shook him even harder by his shirt, stretching the material out. He was straining his voice now.
“You had me worried like fuckin’ crazy! I thought you was in some sorta fuckin’ trouble again! You blew my phone up when I told yo ass not to, and then didn’t fuckin’ pick up after I heard the first couple special messages you left me!”
Oh God. This was it. He told Franklin everything, didn’t he? The color drained from his face.
“Oh fuck me..” He mumbled, putting a hand over his eyes.
“What?!” Franklin yelled, shaking him again. Lamar’s head was pounding.
“Franklin.. what.. what I say on there? I barely remember a thing, let alone callin’ yo ass.”
“You seriously don’t fuckin’ remember?!”
“Yeah. Seriously, man.”
Franklin slid off of him, putting a palm to his face. He breathed through his nose hard, trying to calm down. Lamar realized he was drenched from the small downpour outside. Pellets of rain thumped against the window as a reminder that the storm never went away.
“You.. fuck, man. You started sayin’ all this shit about how bad a fuckin’ friend you was. That you, you was hidin’ all this shit and couldn’t live another day without tellin’ me.”
Okay. Good. He didn’t tell him the truth.
“You told me you wanted to die dog. Didn’t realize yo dumbass was safe n sound asleep in yo fuckin’ bed.”
“Oh.”
“…’Oh’? Is that really all you have to say?!”
“F, I was jus’ drunk. It was dumb of me, I know, but I.. It’s nothing, okay?”
“Don’t do this shit to me man! I’ve already dealt with enough of yo fuckin’ schemes n shit-”
“Frank.”
“It’s 3 am! You had Chop barkin’ his Goddamn head off the whole night!”
“Franklin.”
“Then I race my ass over here to find yo drunkass self passed out in bed-”
“Franklin.”
“What! What?! You finally gonna put yo two cents in for once?”
“Stop yelling. My head hurts like a bitch right now.”
“Good! I’m fuckin’ glad because I know mine does as well you fuckin’ asshole!”
Lamar looked pathetically up at him. This was getting out of hand. He let it go on for too long.
“Why did you come here then?” He croaked.
“Because you were fuckin’ sobbin’ into the phone! All I heard was you cryin’ like mad fuckin’ crazy and it scared me. You don’t ever do that shit, not even when you fucked up.”
“How much I say?”
“I got the first message pretty fuckin’ clear, the rest was jus’ incoherent bullshit. I barely got through the second one before speedin’ on over. You sounded hurt n shit, I thought something happened. I thought you was a goner.”
“No weird shit though right? I ain’t say nothin’ bad?”
“What? Lamar, what the fuck are you on about? I just told you what yo ass cried out to me! I couldn’t even understand any of the other messages!”
“Okay, okay. That’s.. good I guess.”
“That’s good? Fuckin’ hell, why did I come here? You- ugh!”
“Franklin. Can you jus’ sit down before you pop a fuckin’ blood vessel? You stressin’ for nothin’.”
If anything, Lamar should be the one stressing right now. He had been so close to confessing without knowing. Franklin sat next to him, arms crossed.
“Franklin.”
“What.”
“I’m sorry that I scared you. I didn’t mean to.”
“Well good fuckin’ job, you accomplished that real well didn’t you.” He said, sarcastically applauding him.
“I thought you were cutting me off for good homie. You think I was gon’ let that happen?”
“Lamar, that still ain’t a good reason to freak me out like that in the middle of the night.”
“It’s only cuz you hadn’t been listenin’ to me bro. I’ve been wanting to tell you somethin’ so badly lately and I never.. got the chance.”
“Then do pray fuckin’ tell LD, what the fuck is so important that you had to do this shit to me at 3 AM!”
“Franklin man, c’mon-”
“No! Don’t start!”
Franklin stood, heading for the door as he spoke. He stopped in the threshold.
“Tell me what the fuck is goin’ on with you, or I’m leavin’ yo sad ass here to wallow. I mean it L.”
“Don’t be like that. Please man. I want to, but I-”
“Jus’ fuckin’ tell me! Why won’t you tell me?!”
“Frank-”
“I dragged my ass all the way over here for nothin’ didn’t I? You ain’t dead, you ain’t sayin’ shit, you jus’ bein’ so- ugh! Fuck!” He threw his hands up, exiting Lamar’s bedroom.
“I’m done man, fuck this.”
“Franklin wait- don’t go-” He pleaded.
Franklin did nothing but leave him stranded again, thunder rolling far in the distance. Lamar ran after him as he walked out the door, hearing the rain heavily hit the pavement. His mind was racing far ahead of him. Franklin was leaving, he was leaving for good, and he couldn’t. He can’t. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. Franklin can’t do that, he can’t-
His mind had gone so far away, that he didn’t even realize that he had tackled Franklin to the ground. The two of them fell to the ground with a loud splat, followed by sounds of pain.
“Lamar what the fuck?!”
“Don’t go! Fuckin’ hell, I gotta chase yo ass and for what?!”
“Get off me dog!”
“No!” Franklin was pinned beneath him. The raindrops that rolled off of Lamar hit him in the face.
It reminded Lamar of when they were younger, playing football or whatever sport they could outside even as the deluge soaked them both to the bone. The roles had been reversed, with Franklin constantly knocking him down onto the grassy sludge. They got quite an earful from Lamar’s mom as they tracked mud in the house upon returning. It was a memory amongst many that stuck with him like glue. Those memories couldn’t go away. Franklin couldn’t go away.
Tears mixed in with the rain as he yelled out to him.
“You fuckin’ idiot! Why you makin’ this shit so hard for me?! You keep leavin’ before I can even finish!”
Franklin struggled to break free from Lamar’s grip on his wrists, huffing as he looked away.
“Look at me!” Lamar shouted, grabbing his face with a free hand.
“I didn’t wanna fuckin’ tell you like this, but Jesus Christ! For fucks sake you stubborn asshole-”
He was doing it. He bit the fucking bullet.
“You know how we got into that fuckin’ argument last week? When I told you that I was dealin’ with that whole love thing, I wasn’t talkin’ about yo Aunt, a hoe, nobody else! I was talkin’ about you!”
Lamar threw himself off of him, stumbling backwards. Franklin propped himself onto his elbows. He finally said it. He said it, and he was far from finished.
“But you didn’t wanna fuckin’ listen! And now I’ve fucked our friendship over for a second time! All because of you! This whole thing has been drivin’ me fuckin’ insane lately, and I couldn’t do shit about it! I tried so, so hard to avoid this, but nothin’ ever goes my way, huh?! Every time I think a plan of mine’ll work, it doesn’t! You know why?!”
Opening his arms wide, he spoke loud and clear, finishing his rant.
“Lemme remind you: I’m Lamar fuckin’ Davis! The biggest fuckin’ fool, fuckin’ clown, fuckin’ whatever you wanna call me! Lamar Davis, the most naïve bitch on the planet! Fuck me for thinking that this would ever go well!”
Now it was his turn to leave. But he didn’t go back into his house. His legs moved for him, walking in no particular direction. He just needed to get away from Franklin, not caring about how damp his clothes were now. He was shaking, and he didn’t know if it was from the rain or the range of emotions he was flying through.
He could hear a pair of sneakers squishing behind him. Franklin was running, and he was catching up fast.
“Ay Lamar! Get back here!”
Oh fuck. He was chasing after him now. That’s not good. Lamar started running himself, not caring about possibly slipping and falling on his ass. Only a few hours ago, he had told himself he couldn’t be without Franklin. Now all he wanted to do was run away.
“Lamar!”
Fuck fuck fuck.
He wasn’t fast enough. The second time they hit the ground, Lamar had the wind knocked right out of him, the duo splashing right into a puddle. Hands gripped his shoulders, flipping him around.
“Lamar!”
There were only a few instances in his life where Lamar felt small. He’d always been big in character, big in height, and according to him, big in other ways. But this was one of those moments where he couldn’t help but flinch, wanting to collapse in on himself. He was so tired.
“If you gon’ beat my ass or somethin’ jus’ get it over with.” He sighed, shutting his eyes tight.
When he felt nothing but raindrops touch his face, he opened his eyes slowly. His heart sank when he did. Franklin was visibly upset, guilt in his eyes.
“Lamar. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
A wave of déjà vu washed over him. Oh. So that’s what precognition meant. Motherfucking psychic lady.
“You should’ve jus’ told me man.”
“I tried dog. You wouldn’t hear me out.”
“Cuz I.. I thought you got with someone. I didn’t wanna hear it straight from yo mouth if you was.”
He shifted up, Frank sitting in his lap.
“Y’know I always thought that.. Part of me jus’ kinda thought that it’d always be the two of us. I’m never gonna get Tanisha back.. but you..”
Franklin looked away.
“You a crazy ass loyal motherfucker man. You stuck by my side no matter what, and some dumbass part of me was convinced that you… I mean fuck, so many times I thought you would jus’ flat out say something. Somethin’ so I could stop waiting for the one other person I had known forever to just say that they fuckin’ loved me like that.”
Lamar blinked, rainwater getting into his eyes. It wasn’t quite as serene as his dream had been, nor was it verbatim, but Lamar didn’t care. There was something about the way the water droplets sat along Franklin’s face, highlighted by a streetlight behind him that made him look angelic.
“When you started actin’ all weird it jus’.. made me so fuckin’ mad man. I thought you was gon’ pick someone else over me. Jus’ like Tanisha did.”
“Franklin..”
“So why didn’t you jus’ say somethin’ sooner? I waited. Hell, I don’t even know why I did at first.”
“Franklin.”
“But now I’m realizin’ you must not have even noticed yoself what you was feelin’, when I fuckin’ did. I noticed and you didn’t and-”
Lamar grabbed him by the face, grip surprisingly strong after being in the rain.
“How many times do I gotta say yo name for you to hear me?”
The rain kept falling, never slowing for either one of them. Yet, it felt like time stopped. Lamar chuckled lightly.
“Franklin Clinton and Lamar Davis. Two of the dumbest motherfuckers in LS. Homies for life.”
“Yeah. Homies for life.”
His hands never left Franklin’s face. He pressed their foreheads together, lowering his voice.
“I love you, bum ass bitch.”
“Yeah yeah. I love you too.”
He kissed the top of his head, moving his hands down to embrace him in a tight hug. When was the last time they did this? As he thought it over, he could hear Franklin’s voice muffled against his chest.
“Don’t scare me like that again. Next time save us both the trouble n jus’ spill yo heart out. Dramatic motherfucker.”
The words had no malice in them, Lamar feeling him smile as he said it. He kissed him once more, and they just sat in the rain, feeling it bathe them in fond memories.
//plz listen to remember the rain by 21st century it’s so good 💔😭 anyway ya i decided to end it on a sorta happy note !!!!! franklin is a stubborn guy smh,, sorry for any typos lol also i rlly had no idea where i wanted to go with this so sorry if it’s weird or whatever
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roublardise · 3 years
Text
One of the thing with 14x13 Lebanon is that it's not Mary and John reuniting. it's 2019-1983!Mary and 2003!John
They shouldn't fall in each others arms like no time had passed. They should be weird out. Mary is 29 and John is 49. And they both can see it, can’t ignore it. 
John isn't who he used to be. And Mary isn't who she should or could have been. They both ended up in a time which wasn't theirs, were none of them should have even breathed, and the one thing that could feel familiar, that could make them feel like home, make them feel like it wasn’t wrong - each others - doesn't even sit right.
They're a misfit made in Heaven. They were never on the same timeline, not even when they had kids. Mary was hiding the hunting part of her life, and she was pushing parts of herself away so she could fall into the Mother role she wanted so bad - so she could not be herself, twist the truth, be the woman she pretended to be, the one she wished she was.
She made a deal to save John, to get the normal life she had dreamt about, and it didn't even work.
She thought she could cling to the fact that, at least, John was a normal guy, a sweet guy, someone who would have been a good father. But she actually lived to see this came out as a lie, too. She has since learned who he’s been and who he grown up to be. People never stop changing, and John had so many years ahead of her, so many years without her, with the kids Mary feels like she failed - with the kids he failed. 
Mary in 2019 was already shaky. She came back to learn she wasn't even there for her children - the one thing she wanted to be. She can't really be there for them now, not in the same way, and she never got time to learn how to be a mother when your children are adults - are older than you. And she has to grieve the man she died for - only to learn he wasn’t the man she actually died for.
And then, when she’s finally finding a place in all of this, John shows up again right in front of her. And she’s her - finally she’s allowed herself to be her. But he’s so much older. She’s 29, but she isn’t who she was when she was 29 in 1983. And John is 49 and could be her father - and she knows that, when she looks at him, at how he barely looks like the John she knew - the one she thought she knew. 
She doesn’t reunite with the man she loved - bc none of them are the people they were nor the one they pretended to be. They weren’t ever meant to meet like that, with so much years between them. They were born the same year, supposed to go through life together, on the same path, on the same rhythm. And yet. 
And they all - Sam and Dean alike - can sit together and enjoy the family reunion, but it’s just a game of playing pretend and they all know that. They all look at each others and only see what was obvious but what they refused to see - that even in the right time, even without any time travels, they would have never fit into the perfect nuclear family, and they sure won’t succeed now. 
That’s not even bc their family specifically is fucked up. They’re just old enough to realize the perfect nuclear family is their shared unachievable dream. It was just easy to pretend they had it when it was memories ; it was easy to pretend they could’ve had it when it was what ifs.  But now it’s right in front of them, and they all know it didn’t work, wouldn’t have worked, and isn’t working. Not like they would want it to.
They just can’t pretend anymore and they’re all grieving what they thought was their happiness - and now they just don’t even know.
They’re all faking smiles & trying to hide their disappointment, bc they don’t realize they are all playing the same game here - they’re still family, more alike than they think. They’re trying to convince the others that they’re okay ; trying to convince themselves one last time that this is okay. 
Even though they see, now, that it’d be easier to move on and accept what it is, just for what it is. They’re all desperate to drop the act but too afraid to do so and ruin it for everyone else. Because it’s fake, but at least they’re together, in this fucked up way, and they don’t know what their family is if not this lie. 
Like if spn truly wants to make me watch Mary and John in 2019, then that’s what I wanna see. I wanna see their tragedy unfolds.
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collecting-stories · 3 years
Text
Exes - John B Routledge
Request: heyyy!! Can you write a John b fic like about the fall with ur prompt “here, take my sweater.“?? Maybe him and the reader are like best friends but don’t admit they really like each other and the readers ex bf or something shows up to the party and John b gets all protective and it’s chilly bc it’s autumn?? Or whatever u think lol im just such a sucker for the fall weather and I love ur writing!
A/N: Sorry I took so long with this! 
Outer Banks Masterlist
✰ ✰ ✰ ✰
John B slipped off his red hoodie, handing it off to you as you stepped closer to the bonfire, trying to warm yourself a little more. The tube top was cute but not warm and so far it seemed to be doing absolutely nothing to aid you in catching John B’s attention. Aside from alerting him that you were cold.  
“Here, take my sweatshirt,” John B said, pushing the hoodie into your hands. You slipped your arms through the still warm sweatshirt, gripping the ends in your hands as you zipped in up. He knew it sounded bad, even in his head, but he’d held off giving you his sweatshirt just because you looked so beautiful and he didn’t want to obscure that. Though watching you tuck yourself into his hoodie was pretty appealing too. It wasn’t the first time that you’d borrowed his clothes, more often then not when you went out on the boat together you would grab whatever Hawaiian shirt he’d discarded to swim and wear it. There was something especially enticing about you laying out on the HMS with his shirt on and he felt the same way now as you smiled at him, wearing his hoodie. It was a little possessive, if he was being honest.  
“Thanks,” you finally said, looking at out at the other people around the yard, “trust me to think it’s warmer than it is.”  
“We could go inside?” He offered, everyone had stayed outside for the most part and sneaking off inside the Chateau with you sounded perfect right about now.  
“You don’t mind?” You asked, the thought of getting John B alone immediately appealing. You were on cloud nine as it was, not having to share his attention with a bunch of other people like you usually did. John B had gravitated toward you when you got there and he seemed determined to stay, which was fine with you.  
He shook his head, “no. Party’s kinda lame tonight anyway.”  
You lead the way toward the front door of the Chateau, not a long walk from the bonfire that JJ had made earlier but one that removed the two of you from the cloak of the tree you’d been standing nearby. Out in the open, more people could see you, particularly your ex-boyfriend, who had shown up at John B’s house party for no other reason than knowing you would be there. You were wherever John B was, an argument that had defined a decent chunk of your relationship with your ex and was the main reason that the two of you broke it off.  
“Hey!”  
John B turned first, his hand immediately coming up to your back, pressing against his hoodie as you looked back toward the sound of someone calling your name. You were standing on the first step into John B’s porch, a few inches taller than him because he was still on the ground, and you recognized your ex walking toward the two of you.  
“Matt, hey.” To say there was bad blood between the two of you was an understatement. He had stayed away for the most part but every time you’d seen him out since the two of you broke up he had been an asshole. Kiara had yelled at him just last week when he called you a bitch in the parking lot of the Wreck. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s a party, pretty sure anyone on the cut was invited.” Matt replied, glancing at John B for a moment before looking back at you.  
“Yeah well, it’s on my yard.” John B said, “and I definitely don’t want you here.”
“I’m sure you don’t.”  
“Is there something you wanted Matt?” You huffed, impatient. He had been fine in the beginning but now he was just an asshole whenever he got the chance.
“Just wanted to talk, should’ve known John B would be hanging around you like a lap dog.” Matt replied, glaring at your best friend. “You must be the most patient guy there is man, you just waiting for her while she puts out for everyone else huh?”
“What did you just say?” John B’s hand dropped from your back as he stepped closer to Matt. He was an inch or two taller than your ex-boyfriend and when he squared his shoulders and stood up straight, he seemed even taller and more intimidating.  
“JB,” you muttered, “let's just go inside.”
“Yeah JB,” Matt replied, “go ahead inside, maybe she’ll finally let you have a p-” he cut off mid-sentence when John B punched him directly in the face, right between his eyes.
You covered your mouth with your hands, eyes wide as Matt stumbled backward. John B looked like he was seconds from absolutely losing it. He was breathing heavy and staring at Matt, waiting for any sort of retaliation a little too eagerly. You grabbed John B’s arm just above the handkerchief on his wrist.  
“John B.” You repeated his name, catching his attention this time. Matt was just standing there, holding his bleeding nose, too shocked to do anything else. He had expected to piss John B off but not enough that he’d end up with a bloody nose. John B relaxed slightly, enough that he let you pull him inside the house, shutting the door behind you and dragging him to his bedroom. At least there you were guaranteed alone time.  
“That guy just...” John B groaned, raking his hands through his hair and pacing the small space on his bedroom. You stepped out of his way, unsure what to do. “God, I can’t fucking stand him!”  
“He’s just pissed about the breakup, he’ll get over it.” You reassured. The last thing you wanted was to spend anymore time on the subject of Matt. He was an asshole that didn’t deserve your attention and you didn’t want John B giving him any either.  
“He’s the one who fucking broke up with you!”  
John B had been there the night of the breakup, you’d come to the Chateau to tell him and somehow imagined some rom-com confession scene playing out but all he did was tell you he was sorry and that Matt was an ass. There was no long dreamt of kiss or declaration of love, just John B trying to be a good friend and not even realizing he was the reason you and Matt had broken it off in the first place.  
“Yeah well, I didn’t give him much of a choice,” you admitted.  
“What do you mean?” John B asked.  
You’d given a fairly basic explanation of the breakup last time. You didn’t divulge any details about what was said or why Matt thought the almost one year relationship the two of you were in needed to come to a screeching halt. And yeah, he was an aggressive asshole since the breakup and you knew he was still pissed that it had played out the way it did but you also knew you weren’t entirely innocent in the matter.  
“He broke up with me because he didn’t like how close we were.” You replied, taking a seat on John B’s bed. “He told me he thought I had feelings for you.”
“Why would he think that?”  
“Because he heard me tell Kiara that I did.” You’d been at a kegger on the beach when John B was flirting with some random touron and you told Kie, a little too tipsy to filter yourself, that you thought dating Matt would erase the feelings you had for John B but they didn’t.  
John B stopped pacing, standing there staring at you, wearing his sweatshirt, sitting on his bed, telling him that you had feelings for him. “You…what?”  
“I like you…I didn’t think you were interested and Matt asked me out so I said yes and it was okay but I always liked you and he knew it.” You replied.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” John B asked, “I mean this whole time…this whole time I liked you and I didn’t think…I thought you were with Matt and happy and I didn’t wanna fuck that up for you.”  
“Guess we were both kinda stupid.” You admitted.  
“Yeah,” he nodded, head still processing the information, “yeah but not anymore.”  
-
Fixing my tags...if you wanna be tagged fill this out!
taglist: @heavenlymama @vindictive-hearts @alexa-playafricabytoto @dontjinx-it @randomficsandshit @mysterious-adventurer @minigranger 
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seancekitsch · 3 years
Text
Duty: A Cahir x Reader fic in the Intended series
Warnings: oral and penatrative sex, butchering of the tale of lady ragnell and sir gawain bc i remembered it wrong from my childhood, the slightest twinge of angst if you squint, hints to book canon events, 3k of unedited smut as literally always
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You shiver has Cahir pulling the blanket up over your shoulders as you snuggle closer to him. Instead of east which proved two years ago to be completely unfruitful, you head north now, having heard something on the road about the Nilfgaardian army heading north. Wherever they were headed, you both figured your cousin might be. How excited you think she’ll be to see you alive. A family member not lost to the flames. Maybe she wouldn't recognize you anymore, now that you wear trousers and travel with a fugitive. Though you never felt hot summers in Cintra, going even farther north set the chill in even longer into the year. You figure it will be the height of the summer before you stop shivering. You wonder how Cahir handles it. Sweet Cahir who grew up in the south, the tropical heat of Vicovaro.You love the stories of summers by the Alba river, the warm summer nights under the stars. At this point, it seems like you'll never see it for yourself, so you vicariously live it through the stories he tells you. You ask him to tell them all the time, probably something he’s extremely tired of repeating, but it keeps away the chill, at least for a while.
He pulls your naked body a little closer to his, something he always says is that body heat helps to warm your bones. You think it might just be something he says to stay naked in bed with you a little longer. Since being able to pick up a little work on your travels, finding a room at an inns that the innkeepers would look the other way when you arrived, you can now afford to do this with him, rather than laying beneath the stars. You almost forgot what a bed felt like, but now every night your back thanks you for the new sleeping arrangements.
Your arm snakes around his waist, giving him as squeeze as you press a quick kiss to his pectoral. Contented sighs are common between the two of you, these relaxed nights frozen in time where you can be your most vulnerable on a continent that works its hardest to beat the vulnerability out of everyone.
Your eyes catch sight of the sword on the chest of drawers. Your sword. Not the dagger, not the sword Cahir lent you for practice. The sword he bought you and specifically had made for you. A weapon as an act of true love that means the world to you. He seems to catch the sight as well, you assume with his next words.
“What shall you name your sword?” he plays with your fingers, tangling your hands together. Your hands are soft compared to his, but he suspects that won't be for long.
“Ragnell,” you answer without hesitation.
“Ragnell?” he repeats.
“Yes, it's from a story that I heard as a child. There was this man that told stories the elves knew in the library.”
He presses a kiss to your knuckles, then realizes, “Aren’t the stories of elves taboo?”
You chuckle, and press a kiss to his chest.
“Oh I’m sure he would lose his keep if I squealed. Good thing I can keep a secret,” You hum, recalling the story, “There was a knight, and he was the nicest knight. And he fell in love with this woman who was cursed to be very ugly. She did not think he would actually love her, but he did and he married her. On their wedding night half of the curse was lifted, and she said: do you want me ugly during the day when others see me? Or only at night when it's just you seeing me? The knight, I forget his name, says: You may choose, I will be a good husband and love you either way. That act of love and freedom frees her from the curse and she can choose how he looks. It was my favorite story.”
Ragnell was the cursed woman, and he realizes it's the perfect name for the sword. A beautiful piece of metal but used for ugly purposes. He stares up at the gauzy canopy above your heads, the mauves and dark blues swirling together like the night sky. Like so many nights he spent with you in his arms next to the campfire.
Cahir wishes he knew you when he was younger. Knowing his fair share of stories of Nilfgaardian knighthood and bravery, he was as much a storyteller as a rambunctious child who used to run around the grounds of Darn Dyffra with a wooden sword in his hands. Had he met you earlier, you might have grown up loving one another. Maybe already married, living as count and countess of Darn Dyffra, destiny wouldn't need either of you in what it has plans. If only. He knows that even when he was young, he dreamt of you. Your features blurred and distorted, but it was always you. It took seeing you in the flames of Cintra that night to see you in focus, but it was always you. For a man who valued his pride, his accomplishments, he cannot help but to see his failures now as blessings. The intuition he felt in Cintra, the failure of what was to be his most important mission, utter failure but it was all to bring him to you.
“Ragnell it is,” he repeats your words, the name sounding nice on his tongue now that it has meaning, “May she serve you well.”
And then he kisses you on the mouth, lips capturing yours, open and eager. His tongue quickly finds yours, passing through your mouth like a promise, the sealing of a contract between your lips. He shifts to be on top of you, slotting his legs between yours as the hand not supporting him above you roams your body. After two years, affection like this doesn't feel stolen between the two of you, not rushed and fumbling like it used to feel. He moves from your mouth to your jaw, to your neck and then to your collarbone as his groping and fondling continues, spurred on by your soft moans and your skin feeling oh so hot under his touch. He kisses at your collarbone, licking and sucking a mark there, but before he continues you stop him.
“You don't have to, my love,” You lazily assure him, “You're tired.”
“I do,” he says, kissing down your body, from your chest, the valley of your sternum, your navel. You gasp sharply as his tongue darts out of his mouth to lick a stripe up along your hip above the bone. He continues farther, scooting to the edge of the bed, parting your thighs, pressing a lewd kiss to the inside of each of them.
“What kind of a knight would I be if I did not fulfill my duty to you?” There's playfulness in his tone that makes  your heart race, and you prop yourself up on your elbow to look him in the eye. You feel as if you’ll combust if he doesn't touch you more.
“So this is your duty to me? This specifically?” The image of you looking down at him, chest heaving and eyes wide is all he needs to want to dive headfirst into your heat, to spend the rest of his night between your legs.
There's something devilish in his eyes as he chuckles and presses another kiss to the inside of your thigh, nipping at it gently as you gasp.
“It is my duty to keep my lady satisfied, or else she chooses to leave me for another,” he mumbles as his lips move up closer to where you want him.
“Cahir,” your breath hitches as he tests the waters, licking teasingly at your clit, almost silencing you, “You have to be the only person I’ve chosen in my life.”
That's music to his ears. He licks again, this time with more precision, more purpose, earning him the ghost of a moan, the first of many. Each lick earns him a moan, but they’re nothing compared to the shaking moan that turns into a closed mouth whine as you head falls back into the sheets, his lips coming around the bud to suck on it.
“Cahir,” his name falls from your lips with a sigh. He watches you intently, giving your cult another harsh suck before dipping lower, licking you open and tasting your arousal.
“Better than the sweetest honey that exists,” he hums, mostly to himself, but your breath hitches again in response. He licks up as much as he can, tongue as deep in you as he can manage. One of your hands finds his hair as you chant his name, first running fingers through it gently, then starting to rake and pull as his ministrations pick up the pace.
Every time Cahir’s tongue is inside you, it's a dedication to your pleasure and your pleasure alone. You’ve long since forbidden him from apologizing again and again for the circumstances of your meeting. All in the past, you always say, but he hopes every time you come undone on his tongue he repents just that much more for the harm he caused you so many months ago. Cahir drinks you in, indulging and loving every second of it. Your back is arched off the bed, legs thrown over his shoulders as you grasp at his hair and the bedsheets. He loves the sting of your nails against his scalp.
It’s when he adds two fingers that your body reacts like lightning, replacing his tongue and again his lips attaching to your clit. There are tears, beautiful tears in the corners of your eyes as he watches you start to lose yourself. That’s right, he thinks, fall apart for me love. Your moans are beautiful, ragged from breathlessness and sounding like a prayer of his name and only his name, and he pulls them from you with every thrust of his fingers. He feels your muscles going taut under his touch, he can feel you ready to come.
“Give it to me, love, let go,” he urges, his free hand reaching over to grab your hand. He holds your hand as you come, shaking with a silent scream from your lips. His mouth and fingers work you through your peak, letting you down gently; his mouth licking up every last drop of your wetness.
“But what about you?” you ask as he comes back up to lay with you.
“You needn’t do anything tonight love,”Cahir whispers as he kisses you, mouth still wet from you. You taste sweet on his tongue, delving into your mouth as you regain your breath, body pliant beneath his gentle touch. But as much as he can say that, you can feel him hard and straining against your thigh, body begging for you even if he won't voice his needs.
“No, Cahir, let me reward you for taking care of me,” you break the kiss, a mischievous smile gracing your lips, “Think of it as MY duty to you.”
Your hands grab his shoulders and push him back onto the bed, now it being his turn to lay back and enjoy himself. You kiss him again on the mouth sweetly while you maneuver your legs over his hips to straddle him, soft hands cupping his cheeks as you do. Those stormy blue eyes watch your every movement as you start to move, rubbing yourself against him. The noises that tumble from his lips are beautiful, little whimpers and moans from someone who anyone but you would consider fearsome and formidable. To you, he's just Cahir; Cahir that’s oh so reactive to your touch, Cahir that’s so very vulnerable. A low, throaty moan reverberates from his chest as you line him up with your entrance and sink down onto his length inch by inch.
“Beautiful,” he sighs as his hands find their place on your hips, holding you against him. You lean back down, kissing him again as you start to rock against him, catching little moans of his on your tongue as you slowly bring him to the edge. His warm hands hold you tightly, gently guiding your hips as he thanks you through kisses. You take such good care of him. You kiss him again, and then pull away.
“I’m close.”
“Again?”
You nod, and he squeezes your hips a little tighter, your head dipping down, almost close enough to kiss him, resting all of your weight on your arms as your hips pick up their pace, thrusting yourself onto him as you chase your high.
“With me?”
He nods, and starts to buck his hips up into yours, meeting your gyrations. You fall over the cliff into ecstasy together; sweet quiet moans of each other's names as you watch each other's faces contort with the pleasure.
You tumble onto the sheets next to him, thighs aching and panting for breath. Cahir’s arms are immediately pulling you back in, against him. He kisses your hairline, your eyebrows, and just holds you there, allowing you to catch your breath on his chest and regain your bearings. He feels every breath in your lungs with his palm against your back. In, out, in, out. He feels every muscle in your body tense and relax under his touch, welcoming him in as embraces you, the way you think the kind knight might have embraced his wife, if they even existed in the first place. You sigh, face stretching into an easy smile, wishing this moment could just remain.
He will never get used to this, he thinks. No matter how many nights he gets to fall asleep by your side, no matter how many mornings he gets to wake up with you in his arms, he will never feel broken in. Not with you, and Cahir finds he doesn't want it to.
You let yourself be pulled in by Cahir, gladly molding yourself to his chest and lazily smiling at the feeling of his soft lips against your head. How strange it is, to feel love as a verb. To actively radiate it and push and mold it in your hands against another person. Perhaps that’s what the kind knight had in mind with his cursed wife. Your tired fingers flex against his sweaty chest. You want to get used to this. To have his touch feel like second nature, to fall into a routine of waking and falling asleep next to him. You want it all to feel like you’ve always had it, and you always will.
“I should marry you as soon as possible,” he mumbles into your hair, an admission of his desires as much as an admission of guilt. In his mind he’s thought of himself as yours forever since he learned your name. It’s been far too long— over three years— that he’s known you and hasn’t been officially yours. His hand runs along the flesh above your rib cage, smoothing out a muscle there. It’s not so much he wants you as a wife, he does, but it’s not his wish to possess you, more for you to possess him. He wants to be yours, and shout it from the peak of the highest mountain. He should have asked you sooner, in a more elegant way. Grand romantic gestures would embarrass you, but this seemed almost shameful to blurt out at this hour.
“We should get married.” He says it again, a fool for love. As much as he doesn’t think this is proper, he wants it to be known his intentions with you.
“Not yet,” you whisper, hoping you aren’t being careless with his heart. It isn’t that you don’t want to marry him. You do. You have since Brugge. Every fiber of your being wants to be his, only his, forever. While you sleep beside him you dream of doing it until you’re old and frail. You dream of retiring from a life of adventure happy to know your remaining family is safe, not in Vicovaro unless something drastic happens with the war, but somewhere nice. Somewhere warm where you can see the sun tan his skin and there can be a garden. But your gut is telling you destiny won’t let it happen just yet. Like if you marry him tomorrow like you so desperately want, everything will come crashing down. Marriage or celebration right now would be a harbinger of doom. You feel him stiffen beneath you.
“Not yet, you handsome thing, but soon. We have a cousin of mine to find. Once we confirm her safety, then we can be husband and wife. Maybe open up a shop to keep ourselves; become farmers together,” you sound pleading, wanting him to understand you without telling him of your gut feeling. You don’t want to scare him with your superstition.
“I can’t give you much,” he begins, but you lean up to silence him with a kiss.
“It’s not that, Cahir. You already gave me Ragnell. That’s more than a wife could ever want. Soon. Once we find Ciri.”
He understands now. Destiny and duty first. He nods, and kisses you back.
“Then I will belong to you,” he promises. You press one more kiss to his jaw, and then he pulls up the sheet around you and you settle in to sleep, tangled up in one another.
He falls asleep hoping you find Cirilla tomorrow so he can marry you the day after. He falls asleep with you soundly in his arms, holding him like you’ll never let go.
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cdt12345 · 3 years
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We've been friends many years but I've never thought to ask; Top 10 gay OTPs?
1.) Ian & Mickey (Gallavich) - Shameless us
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What can I say about these two that we haven’t already said about them?! They are my absolute all-time favorite couple ever! Gay or straight. They perfectly complement each other, they love each other on a level I feel like I’ve never seen before (and I have watched a lot of tv/movies), they’re like a comedy duo, they support each other, understand each other better than anyone else ever will, they fell in love as kids, they bring out the best in each other, and they’re each other's best friend. I’m a sucker for opposites attract, who are also best friends. Gallavich really fits that bill. I wish they didn’t have to struggle so much to get their happiness, but I’m happy they finally got it. When they got married, it felt like the biggest victory ever! We went through those years of struggle with them, rooted for them, mourned for them when John Wells let Noel go after season 5. So much has tried to keep these two apart, even real-life circumstances tried to keep them apart. The chemistry between these two characters and between Cameron and Noel was so powerful, they were brought back to the show. That kind of thing doesn’t happen very often. When an actor leaves a show, they don’t usually come back as a series regular, let alone two actors who have already left the show. It felt like a miracle! I will never forget getting the news that Noel was coming back from you @luckyshazmrsmonaghansblog I was crying with happiness bc we wanted this for so long and I never believed we would get to see both Cameron and Noel back on the show. Or that they would get their happy ending outside of a jail cell. Especially after Cameron left the show in season 9. With their return we got a wedding, an entire season of them as a married couple, we got to see them dance with each other twice, we got them singing together, we got to see them start a lucrative business together, we got to see them free and happier than we’ve ever seen them before, and we got to see Terry get what he deserved after putting them through hell. We are only halfway through season 11, but I already feel so fulfilled with this extra time with gallavich that we were never supposed to have. JW tried to take that away from us. I will never understand why, but he failed. I am not surprised this is the one I wrote the most about. I can go on and on about gallavich!
2.) David and Patrick - Schitt’s Creek
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This was everything I ever wanted to see onscreen, where there was zero homophobia. The pansexual character didn’t need to have a big coming out or tell everyone in the town of his sexual orientation, except his best friend. The gay character had a coming out with parents who loved and accepted him for who he is and was only upset that he felt he couldn’t tell them sooner. I dreamt of a day where I could see this kind of representation onscreen. The casual treatment of their sexuality was so refreshing and something I’ve been waiting for. There is no darkness or huge struggle they had to overcome to be together or a sad ending for them. They were allowed to be together without the major conflicts most LGBTQ characters have to go through. Once David made the first move Patrick was comfortable allowing himself to fall for David and start a relationship with him. He was so sure of his feelings for David after that first kiss, he never looked back and I loved that. They had such an adorable love story. Truly one I have been waiting to see for so long between two LGBTQ characters. They made me smile every time they were on screen. They are another of my OTPs that are exact opposites who complement each other perfectly. Patrick was welcomed into David’s family and blended in with them so well, even when he and David had very different upbringings. Patrick serenading David with Tina Turner and then Mariah Carey at their wedding is one of the most romantic things I have ever seen!
3.) Holt and Kevin - Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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Captain Holt and Kevin are strange men on their own but together they are the perfect pair. They get each other in a way no one else does. The best part is their adorable fur baby, Cheddar! They seriously make the cutest family! I was so nervous when they went through a rough patch for a while because I didn’t want them to split up. Thankfully, they made it through and are still going strong!
4.) Will and Vince - Will & Grace
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On the show's first run, Will and Vince were in a serious relationship and Vince was Will’s longest relationship on the show. They broke up a few times but were together by the series finale. The two reunite during the funeral of Will's father. There was a time jump on the series finale. Though I didn’t love everything about the last episode, I did love the fact that Will and Vince had been together for 20 years and raised a son together, who was conceived through in vitro fertilization with a surrogate. After the time jump, nearly twenty years later, their son goes to college and meets Grace's daughter, whom he would eventually marry. Though I wasn’t happy with the fact that Will and Grace didn’t stay close over the years, it did allow for their kids to one day meet, fall in love, and get married. I did like that outcome out of the finale. My family and I used to watch the original show, but we refused to accept or watch the 2017 revival because they completely changed everything from the original series finale. The second I found out they were changing everything; I knew I couldn’t watch it. They even wiped the existence of their kids from the first series finale. The revival was an attempt to cash in on the reboot craze and I wasn’t happy about that already, but even more so when they were going to break up one of my OTPs for easy money. Bobby Cannavale, who played Vince, has become even more famous since starring in Will & Grace. So, I already figured he wouldn’t be back for the show as a regular, but I know he did guest star. I won’t accept the revival and to me, Will and Vince stayed together, and their son married Grace’s daughter. THE END!
5.) Albert and Armand - The Birdcage
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Miss Albert and Armand were the earliest gay couple I remember ever watching onscreen when I was eight years old. I have watched this movie more than I can count over the years. It is a family favorite that we quote often. Their son is planning to marry a girl whose father is in politics and is very conservative. They have to hide the fact that he has two gay fathers for one night, but everything goes awry, and comedy ensues. Nathan Lane and Robin Williams give a wonderful performance without resorting to using the stereotypes that are often used on gay characters, especially back then. It’s a classic!
6.) Stefon and Seth - Saturday Night Live
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Okay, hear me out on this one! They’re not the most conventional OTPs on my list, but I really do love them so much! Stefon started doing a correspondent segment on Weekend Update on SNL. The first time Stefon came on, he flirted with Seth Meyers. The second he did I was like ooh they would make a cute couple! Stefon the wild party guy and Seth the serious news anchor. It was a match made in heaven for me. Before Seth Meyers left SNL to do Late Night with Seth Meyers, Bill Hader came back to play Stefon for Seth’s last episode. I didn’t expect what happened next to happen at all! They gave Seth and Stefon the ending that I haven’t even gotten from some actual scripted shows. I never expected Stefon and Seth to have this big ending, but I could not be happier that they did. I’m posting the link to the six-minute skit/ending and I hope it works. It’s worth watching. Though the video says it’s Stefon’s farewell it was really Seth’s farewell episode.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj-wYWMdWNk
7.) Mr. Simmons and Peter - Hey Arnold!
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Anyone who grew up watching this show already knew that Mr. Simmons, Arnold’s teacher, was probably gay. It was hinted at in the Thanksgiving episode. Arnold and Helga visit Mr. Simmons on Thanksgiving at his house and his family and “friend” Peter are there. Mr. Simmons mother says she didn’t know Peter was coming to dinner and Peter responds with the infamous line “There’s a lot of things you don’t know.” When Mr. Simmons mom tries to get him to take a woman friend to the ballet, he says he loves the ballet and Peter gives him a disapproving look and Mr. Simmons immediately declines. Those were enough hints for us fans to decide Peter was his boyfriend. Years later, the show's creator Craig Bartlett finally confirmed Mr. Simmons is gay and had them together in the 2017 Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie. It was so exciting to finally get the confirmation years later, even though I was already certain of it for many years. I was happy that the cartoon no longer had to settle with vague hints about it.
8.) Callie and Arizona - Grey’s Anatomy
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I was very happy to see a lesbian couple on prime time tv and I really liked both characters. I was excited to root for them but sadly as most couples on this show, their relationship took a turn, and I wasn’t thrilled about it. I was disappointed that it came to an end. By then I was already getting tired of watching the show. It was starting to feel like a chore to watch it every week. I tried to stick it out because I don’t like to give up on shows in the middle of it, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m glad I did though because the shocking events with Derek Shepard, is something I’m glad I wasn’t around for. Anyway, I heard things between Callie and Arizona got even worse, so I was even happier I left when I did.
9.) Sherwin and Jonathan - In a Heartbeat
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This was one of the cutest things I have ever seen! I wish this got the full-length movie treatment instead of a short film. But it was still a step in the right direction for the LGBTQ community. Gay characters in cartoons always bring me such joy and that was the focus of this short. A boy with a crush on another boy with a cute ending. What is not to love?!
10.) Mitch and Cam - Modern Family
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Another show I had to give up on in the middle of the series. The show began to be less funny and more annoying to me. Another reason, that really has nothing to do with the show itself, that used to annoy me was that this show repeatedly beat out Parks and Recreation during award season. Parks and Recreation is a superior show when compared to Modern Family. This show won almost every year for years and it got really annoying especially when the quality of the show started slipping and they kept winning. After a few years, they finally stopped winning all the time. But before all that, I was a fan of Cam and Mitch. They were a great couple who I loved watching on the show. They were the best part of the show most of the time. But sadly, my annoyance of the show no longer being as funny as it used to be, was enough for me to stop watching.
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yourmcu · 4 years
Text
Wish You Were Here (i)
Pairings: Tony Stark x daughter!reader, Avengers x Stark!reader
Summary:
an Infinity War/Endgame AU where Tony Stark’s daughter (you) is one of half the population that vanishes in the snap, Tony finds out later on when he arrives back to Earth, devastated, then you come back like the others to help fight Thanos.
Word count: 2,030
A/n: (moved to the end of the fic!)
Warnings: angst, death, swearing, a lil soft!Nat in the beginning bc I love her, mentions of anxiety/anxiety
read on ao3!
Part 2
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gif not mine! credits to the owner^^
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You wanted to help in whatever was happening, you weren’t quite sure still, but it had something to do with the infinity stones and how you guys needed to find them before some guy named Thanos does.
It took a lot of convincing for Steve, Natasha and Rhodey (they were the ones more protective over you) to let you come, especially with Tony not around to scold you since he was in space.
“I’m coming with you guys whether you like it or not - no, I know what you’re gonna say, I can handle myself. I’m sixteen! Did you know Peter’s in space right now with Dad? Outer freaking space. You’re not the only one who has a suit, Rhodey-”
The argument ended with, “if something happens and I-” you dragged your thumb across your neck, “then it’s on me. None of you are to blame. Can we go now?”
So they didn’t have any other choice. You went to Wakanda with them to get the mind stone out of Vision and intend to destroy it afterwards.
Things got a *bit* out of hand though, there was an army of creatures - they’re from space, you assumed, working for Thanos - trying to get the stone. You fought alongside Sam and Rhodey, sometimes even fighting with Bruce who was using the Hulkbuster. You also helped the Wakanda tribes when they got overpowered by the creatures.
Even Thor came back to fight and he brought a raccoon and a tree with him.
The battle was going really messy, until - “Everyone on my position. We got incoming.”
You fly to where Cap and the team are, and there he is coming out of what appears to be a cloudy, blue grayish portal, Thanos himself.
“Cap, that’s him.” Bruce says as he hides you behind the Hulkbuster to shield you. He slowly walks over to the purple titan before saying, “stay down, [Y/N], alright?”
Did all of them suddenly forget that you, if not more, are stubborn like your father?
Because when all of them attack, you fly behind Thanos when he's distracted and wrap both your metal covered arms around his neck in stupid attempts to strangle him. He effortlessly uses his gauntlet to throw you back to the ground, knocking you out.
He eventually got all the stones, snapped his fingers when Thor failed to kill him, and left.
“What did you do?!”
“Where did he go? Thor, where did he go?”
“What’s happening?” You get off the ground as Bucky turns to dust. You look around and saw the air filled with the same dust, just from different people.
What the hell did that snap do?
People are vanishing, disappearing, are they dying? Why are they dying? You’re pretty sure you're panicking. Your lips start to quiver and you feel your chest tighten, making it hard for you to breathe.
Natasha notices right away. She's the one who could help you with your anxiety attacks besides Tony. She comes to you and places her hands on your shoulders, looking you in the eye. “Hey, it’s going to be okay, you’re fine, just breathe with me,”
You watch Wanda, one of  your best friends, turn to dust too which did not help in the slightest. What’s worse is when Natasha holds your hands to calm you down,
They start turning into dust particles.
“No no no no no no,” you grow weak, holding onto her. “Nat, I’m scared - I don’t - I don’t know what to-”
“Y/N, just breathe like we practiced, okay?”
You try copying her breathing but it’s no use. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re still fading away. You look at her, tears threatening to fall out of your eyes, “I’m so sorry.” She has no choice but to hug you tightly until you get dusted completely.
The Avengers just lost a kid. Not just any kid, for them you were special. You always supported the team no matter what. They couldn’t even imagine what Tony’s reaction would be.
When Natasha told Pepper of course she didn’t take it well.
You were Tony’s own flesh and blood (and some one night stand chic that we won’t mention anymore starting now), but Pepper helped raised you when Tony first took you in and treated you like her own. Sometimes you even called her ‘mom’.
She was so relieved when a spaceship came by the compound to drop Tony off - he looked weak and skinny - she didn’t know how to break the awful news to him while he was in that condition.
“I lost the kid,” he meant Peter. What he doesn’t know was that he actually lost two.
“It’s been twenty-three days since Thanos came to Earth.”
Bruce and Natasha keep looking over one another as images of the people they lost in the snap took turns popping up as holograms. Rhodey feels tense and keeps tapping his foot - nervous of what his best friend’s gonna do once he sees-
Tony abruptly stands up from his wheelchair. “Stop. Stop there.” (“Tony, you need to sit down,”) “No.” He stumbles over to a particular hologram, the one with his daughter’s face.
Y/N Stark.
The room is awfully quiet. Despite you telling them that it isn’t going to be any of their faults if something happens to you, they still feel responsible for you.
“Was anyone going to tell me?” He speaks softly. Too soft and calm for all of them that they remain glued to where they're standing, avoiding eye contact. He clenches his fists and sends a look to  everyone in the room. “You better not be shitting me I already lost Parker and I - I can’t - I can’t lose her. I can’t.”
“Tony,” Natasha says. “We couldn’t do anything to stop it.”
It's like being stabbed with his own blade all over again. She tells him everything that happened, how you got dusted like Peter, and Tony just stares blankly at your photo, looking very pale.
Tony takes a deep breath and pushes his glasses further up his nose, holding in  tears. Good thing his glasses cover it up. He mutters ‘okay’ over and over as he takes a seat back in his wheelchair. Steve hesitates to continue the discussion but Tony encourages him to go on, even though he feels like he was literally dying inside.
His mood definitely went downhill from there - Tony's furious with himself. Furious with them, with Steve, that he takes it out on the super soldier. By the end of it he's on the floor, passed out.
“Dad, come in, it’s [Y/N]. Everything alright out there?”
“Oh y’know, typical day in the city - pair of aliens came to visit again.” Tony sounded breathless.
You paused briefly. “...what? W-well, do you need help? I can help, and Peter’s probably on his way there - he just made a lame excuse and hung up on me so, I figured he sensed something was wrong.”
“Yeah. Stay where you are and when things get worse, find Pepper and get to safety.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
“Nope. Deadass serious. Stay out of this one.”
Tony opens his eyes and takes in his surroundings. He's transferred to a bed with the same wires poking his arm. He dreamt of his last conversation with you - before and while he was dragged to space.
“Hey, I’m still here, you know,” you cut him off while he was arguing with Strange.
“[Y/N]? How is this still connected?”
“I made the earpiece set myself - I guess it has really long range, huh?”
“You’re a nerd.” Tony cracked a small smile.
“Hi [Y/N]!” Peter shouted from a distance.
“Peter? You’re in space too? I’m so jeal-”
The line completely went out, guess the range wasn’t that long.
“Tony?” Pepper says gently. “You shouldn’t be up - it’s only been an hour since you passed out.”
He looks at her for a moment then returns his attention to the wall, eyes bloodshot. “Have I been a good father to her? ‘Cause I feel like she deserved more. Way more.”
“Of course, she loved you! Tony, [Y/N] loved you as much as you love her,” Pepper reassures, running a hand through his hair. “I know you’re upset but you really should be getting bed rest right now.”
He sniffles and gave a small nod, “okay.”
He closes his eyes again when she left the room and sigh, mumbling “goddammit kid,” before letting the tears flow down. Tony rarely cries. Barely cries. He usually keeps those stupid emotions in but this - the fact that his little girl is gone, it's too much for him. He realized never fully showed how much you meant to him and he regrets it.
Can't help but think that it should've been me Either way, I still wish you were here.
Fast forward to five years later: Tony now lived at a lakeside cabin with Pepper and their daughter, Morgan.
Moving on was better than to be sad and depressed for the rest of his life. That’s what you wanted for him anyway, to be happy.
So that’s exactly what Tony did.
He spent time with his family, made new suits which he enjoyed to do, living his life peacefully. That doesn’t mean he forgot about you. Sure the last few years were hard, he missed you every single day, but he had to face and accept it.
Tony moved your stuff from the compound and into a vacant room in the cabin. Sometimes he’d look through your crazy inventions, your journals that were filled with ideas for future gadgets and he hung up framed photos of you and him (some with Pepper) on the walls.
He told Morgan all about you. How awesome you were, how you were energetic and enthusiastic in everything you do, and how the both of you would be best friends if you two met.
“I wanna meet her,” Morgan says, looking at pictures of you.
Tony smiles sadly and looks at the photo of you and him. It was at your school’s science fair and your invention won first place (he remembered laughing at all the science teachers’ shocked faces because of your advanced gadget, way advanced than the grade you were in). Both of you looked really happy.
If a picture is all that I have, I can picture the times that we won't get back If I picture it now it don't seem so bad Either way, I still wish you were here.
“Someday, maybe.” He replies, giving her a warm smile.
Steve, Natasha and a new guy Scott visited him one day. They basically told him bringing back everyone who died in the snap was possible, hinting time travel.
Tony was torn. He didn’t want to risk losing what he had now, but bringing everyone back... that was something. Everyone in the universe that vanished, the other Avengers, the guardians he met in space, Strange, Peter, you.
That same night he thought about you, and Peter when he stumbled upon a picture of both of them. That same night, he figured out time travel.
“Hey legacy,” he chuckles a bit, remembering how you always frowned or pouted whenever he called you that. He likes that nickname on you though. “I... uh, this is just a little video. For you. Sure you won’t see this but... I like to pretend I could still talk to you. I miss you, a lot.”
“It’s been five years, hun. Morgan, your sister... you have no idea how much she talks about you. She wants to meet you someday,” he looks at the camera. “I know I can’t tell her the real reason why you’re not here with us, not yet, but anyway, ‘couple of old pals came to visit me. They want to try to get everyone back, that includes you.”
Tony sighs, looking away. “As of now I don’t know if we’re ever gonna pull off something like this. I figured it out, just a couple minutes ago actually. Time travel. It’s dangerous, very risky...”
“But we’ll see. We’ll figure something out. I hope to see you soon, [Y/N]. I love you.”
----
so I’ve cut this lil idea into two parts - I’ll probs post part 2 soon right after this one - if everyone likes it of course :)
oh, and I listened to this song by Neck Deep while writing this, which is where I got the title too, you can listen here. (I also put in some lyrics from the song to the story, just because it fits well hehe)
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Do you ever look back at older fics you remember loving and then realize they are pretty out of date? Like maybe for it's time it had excellent characterisation, but as we got to see more of Levi and Erwin's character development, backstories, and motives, you realize that some earlier fics don't feel very close to Canon anymore? Of course that is inevitable, especially within a fandom that progresses and develops as the story does and we can't help that we never had the bigger picture to begin with. I bring this up bc many people recommended The Laws of Survival so I tried it out but it was hard to get into Levi's terrible attitude and apathy for the safety and lives of other Corps members. Additionally I was surprised when Erwin resorted to violence to get his point across when he backhanded Levi. I'm not sure if this characterisation is a result of the content that was out at that time, but it's just hard to picture those two that way. I saw that this fic was one of your favorites and you've always been incredible with insight and enlightenment, so I'm curious to know more of your thoughts on this fic and what made you fall in love with it because maybe I'm judging it too quickly, and I admire your opinions ! (I just want to clear up that this fic is well-written and looks promising, it's just hard to get past characterisation but that is obviously just a preference, nothing against the author 😊)
Hi Anon, I definitely understand where you’re coming from and I appreciate that it can be difficult to read older fics that were written at a time when we had a very different understanding of Erwin and Levi’s characters and relationship. 
The Laws of Survival is a good case in point.  This fic was written in 2015 round about the same time that I joined the fandom.  The first season of the anime had finished airing two years previously and season two was nowhere in sight.  Meanwhile in the manga, the Uprising Arc had just drawn to a close.  Although this arc provided a lot more depth to both Erwin and Levi’s characters, when we learned their tragic back stories, and their devotion to each other was becoming increasingly apparent, there was still a bit of a hangover from the earlier days of the fandom when Erwin was seen as being cold and callous and Levi thuggish and resentful.  It’s hard to see them being portrayed like this now, when we know how much they loved, respected and trusted each other. At that stage though, I don’t think any of us could have dreamt how their canon relationship would develop.  
Though some of these older fics now seem wildly out of character, I still enjoy reading them, because the evoke a sense of nostalgia for my own early days in the fandom, and they are very well written by any standards. In some cases the characterisation is so far removed from canon though that I tend to think of them almost as original stories.  I completely understand that some of these older fics might make uncomfortable reading for fans who came to the series later in the day, and that’s fine. If you can’t connect with them, my advice would be to set them aside, there are plenty of immensely talented writers creating amazing fics right now who you can read and support instead. 
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olde-scratch · 3 years
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So I watched LUCIDS 1-4 without any prior knowledge...
and here were my thoughts. I didn’t watch any backstory or anything so enjoy my suffering.
PART 1
“So what happens when the people inside of their dreams go to sleep?” They die
“What happens when we wake up? Do they go on living while we’re not there?” THEY DIE-
“Who are they anyway?” they’re faces that our brain catalogs and stores for later use, although it’s also arguable that every time we dream we go to an alternate reality and inhabit the body of another version of ourselves. Now, were you in a car accident and trapped underwater or-
Are they twins?
(Me tuning out to do something)
“-the squirrel in spongebob was your soulmate, making you a Sandy simp-”
Me, snapping back to the video: hold up-
[missed the part about the worksheet, realized it when i rewatched 10 mins later to make this post]
yall speakin gibberish idk what youre saying-
“I’m gonna go to bed.” bro it literally looks like morning-
“You should get some sleep you look terrible.” i get six hours of sleep a night minimum and i look worse than him shut up bro-
“jump into someone else’s dream” ah i know this con-
why they all got the same face-
haha funni meme
“--an interruptiion can create feedback and tear them apart.” Death. I long for thee.
Is that Karl Jacob’s jacket?
“a second grader” makes me think this is a different school system. [i was wrong? i think?]
“[get him to] eat your apple”
[in the dream sequence] weird dream, but ive had weirder. now, Why Pamper’s-
why does he suddenly have a knife-
“You put a filter on the Dreamscape feed?”
“Technically, you are seven years old.”
???????????
the second hand embarrassment is UGGGHHH
[reading the description] you mean like the guy who was knocked out for 2 minutes on a football field and woke to find he’d dreamt 17 years of his life? oh this shall be Fun
PART 2
[I check the description] “jasper cult” what the fu-
how many camp camp references can i make during this
Is the apple a reference to religion or does the creator just really ilke apples?
“meal.”
“meal?”
meal????
Wait why couldn’t that guy eat the apple? If he wanted it in the fruit bowl, wouldn’t there be a chance of the guy eating it anyways?? Why can’t the guy who brought the apple eat it?
well he’s Dead
[debating if I should read the backstory}
n a h h h h h -
Was he gonna feed the dead guy the apple or something? Why is he upset about the apple in this scene???
oooo the grownups are fightinnnngggg
Is he an antagonist?
HE WROTE A BOOK???
oh now i want food
ESTABLISH JUSTICE ENSURE DOMESTIC TRANQUILITYYYYYYYYYYYYY
“I watched all those aforementioned shows” what shows did i miss something what-
man why you gotta hate on her jane austen fanfic let her live bro
string theory! i can get behind that! sorta-
o no he found the memes-
BOY GOT KNOCKED OUT-
kim there’s people that are dying-
is SHE an antagonist?
quinn? calling himself jasper? u sure hes not just nonbinary? is this just a metaphor for transphobic parenting?
“He died... but somewhere, he grew up.” So is your plan to take a Quinn from a different universe and make him your own, thereby robbing another version of yourself from happiness? When does this ever go well?
Yknow most people, when they lose a kid,,,, kinda,,,,,,, dont go on a ceaseless quest to find another version of their kid that grew up without knowing that another version of his mother was invading other peoples’ dreams to find and kidnap him,,,,,,,, like aint u got a therapist-
“Once you get past the point of not knowing what’s real anymore, you realize it doesn’t matter.” Well, I Got Called Out-
PART 3
“you’re real, oliver.”
aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-
“you’ve been infected by the anti-love parasite of Mandadon” the amatonormativity is strong
so anyways ive been infected since birth hbu-
“James Jasperson, creator of Japple” did you mean to Fancy Well-Educated Man in a Black Turtleneck? cause the only FWEMBT i allow near me is prof. hidgens
“are you winning?” says the capitalist
why did you rewind to see his face?? you have the same face????? is this just bc the creator doesnt like working with other people cause in that case same but???????
“it’s a bad idea. i’m not gonna do it.” we’ve all been there. and we’ve all done it.
looks like me trying to study. (i say, a person who has studied a total of five minutes throughout their entire life.)
your “Spartan trial” looks like a bunch of guys standing on a hill pretending to be something they’re not. Let The Man Bring His Snacks.
eat the apple.
is this your first existential crisis or something what a loser lets all point and laugh
“One of you should be spared, the other shall’nt.” did you mean shant or was that a choice-
yall gonna get called out for talking shut UP
“sorry if this is too personal, btw. are you okay?”
me, confused and half understanding what’s going on and also needing to sleep cause its almost one in the morning but wanting to finish what i can find of lucids which i only starting watching cause i saw an animatic of ranboo and dream w audio from it: i don’t know anymore
“i just want my life back... i was gonna get married-” AREN’T YOU LIKE SEVEN-
ay man if this is a sacrificial cult yall gotta get daniel-
UPDATE: I  H A V E  N O T  F O U N D  I T -
“oliver”
I  F O U N D   I  T -
WHICH ONE IS QUINN?? WHO’S JASPER???? WHICH ONE IS BENJAMIN???? I THOUGH BENJAMIN WAS SEVEN BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED WHAT-
oliver. eat the apple.
“Can you still have memories even when you’re dreaming?” One time I woke up to my alarm and fell back asleep and in my dream I remembered that I had class in a few minutes and my dream self woke my real self up so fast I thought I was gonna get whiplash. Anyways, I was late to class bc of my computer but that doesn’t matter.
NOPE I FOUND IT. HERE’S THE AUDIO. THE ANIMATIC ONE. FINALLY.
im thinking car crash. but also maybe murder. but also maybe both? is it raining or was he drowning? is he in a coma? hmmmmmm?
wait olivers the one with the apple does that mean he’s the one dreaming? is the ending gonna be him and jasper (quinn? idk) fighting against ben and mrs hills about jasper eating the apple to save oliver from the dream? hmmmmmmmmmm-
waitwaitwait i thought oliver was 7 how is benjamin 7 years younger than him if they look the same age what what what explain america explain what you mean arkansaw-
are the cuts on his nose plot-relevant or
“What if you hadn’t been driving?” So I was right about the car accident but Mrs. Hills still said he was seven so did i mishear her say that BENJAMIN was seven? but even then oliver would be 14 and that would still be illegal-
“How are you feeling?”
“Like you’re a pretty bad therapist.”
mood
“--it makes it all bearable to have power over the stories we write in our heads” that’s why i write fanfiction
HE’S GOT THE NOTEBOOK HE’S GONNA WRITE SOMETHING ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US
WHAT YOU MEAN AN EXPERIMENT THAT’S HIS NAME-
[upon reading the description] so i was right.
wait was that supposed to be the twist in part 2 about the apple in his pocket is that what the existential crisis was about i thought it was because he was introduced to the multiple worlds theory-
PART 4
wait wasnt the other one january 2018 why we going back to 2017-
appol
“--the future and the past all already exist” mhm yep figured this out long ago
there was simultaneously a point in time in which i hadn’t known about this, had been looking it up, had been watching it, and had been writing an ending to this post, and had been posting it the next morning before class. that time is both now and not now. Welcome To The Multiverse Theory or whatever its called-
“--my favorite scene of the movie is waking up next to you.” Mine is eating fast food as I listen to AJJ and play Minecraft. We are not the same.
Now I’m hungry but it’s 1 in the morning and i already put my retainer in god fu-
[reading description] what do you mean previously??? she did that in the first episode????????
[still on description] WHAT DO YOU MEAN WILL QUINN BITE THE APPLE AND GO TO BENJAMINS REALITY ISNT THIS OLIVERS REALITY AND HE HAS TO GET BEN TO BITE THE APPLE WHY IS APPLE CAPITALIZED IS THIS THE DOING OF THE FWEMBT
i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have wa-
[description] oh ive been spelling quinn right the whole time nice
i hope she rejects you /j
WAIT BENJAMIN WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE
ISNT HE IN SECOND GRADE-
HE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD HOW IS HE GETTING MARRIED ARE THERE TWO BENJAMINS THAT WE’RE FOCUSING ON-
bro get out of the road ull get hit
how do you knOW WHICH ONE IS QUINN THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON-
so
wait
hills wants ben to feed quinn the apple bc in his mind, that will give hills and quinn a happy ending and she doesnt want ben to see the apple bc thats gonna mean ben will know that his reality isnt reality at all. so then oliver has to,,,, not let anyone eat his apple? he just has to wake up?
IS HILLS THE VILLAIN AFTER ALL ORRRRR
wait but if ben sees the apple wont he realize that his reality is wrong and his reality will change, making it so that hills doesnt get her son? or is there some time-based rule that says they’re only transported to the reality that the person believes at that moment? or is this another stab at the multiverse thing where an infinite amount of hills gets their happy endings while an infinite amount of hills doesnt and etc etc?
i should have watched the ba-
oooo dramatique
they’re in a time loop?
nope thats a new powerpoint
wait so theyre,,,, no-
wait-
nvm-
IS THE BEN WE KNOW AN ADULT GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE OR NOT-
“they were actually pretty nice” didnt they throw someone off a cliff-
oh so it got confusing THEN??? NOT BEFORE?????
“it all seemed so real.” is that Not the point of vivid REM sleep hallucinations-
is oliver gonna show ben the apple and ruin hills’ whole operation
WHO ARE ALEX AND RYAN-
“what’s 25-8″ bro dont do this to me-
yep hes gonna show the apple
ayyy the guy who stole karl jacobs jacket it back
the second hand embarrassment is back and I Hate It
all that happens in episode ONE??? bro get some better writers that is bad pacing
“it’s the best!” wait until season eight. no show has a good season eight.
quinn knows about the apple thing w the dreams and multiverse and realities dont he
YOU KILLED HIM
NOT KARL JACOBS NOOOOO HES ALREADY DIED ONCE
oliver is v relatable
wHaT iN tArNaTiOn-
lemme hear that explanaton again-
is bill cipher gonna show up? i hope bill cipher shows up. i miss gravity falls
“ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” moooooooood
did hills murder quinn
is your family the jasper cult
TOXXIICCCCCC get that lady out of your life quinn that is so toxic
“ ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!  ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S THE END NO WHAT WHY NO
The Adventures of Benjamin and Oliver
he is Not Good
ope-
wait so ben is equal parts an adult AND a child?? okay that clears a lot up
I MEAN HE WAS RIGHT THO BEN U CAN’T REALLY ARGUE ON THAT-
ew get off the floor
butterfly effect, multiverse theory, memory decay, and your imagination ALL exist yall gonna ignore that cause you wanna be famous?
“We already know what the future looks like!”
aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-
to add to the list of bad things: Cats (2019)
YA BOI THINKS IT’S NOT ALREADY FIFTY YEARS TOO LATE TO START FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE FFFFF
BINGO BABYYYY
get what what
what mapped-
awwwww he thinks THEY’RE creating the multiverse
you gonna dismiss the multiverse theory bc of something you created in your current reality? loooserrrrrr
ABUSE YOUR GODLIKE POWERS
she draggin that seven year old
a lot makes sense now why didnt i do this first-
Jasper
the food shortages-
bro that calculators like 90 bucks at walmart
imagine meeting a stranger and they know Everything about your life like that’s gotta be so weird
what’s even weirder is them telling you you’re the deity of a cult that sacrifices animals
THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK WAS-
KARL JACOBS IS DEAD NOOOOOO
ooohhh there’s context for that
OOOOHHHH THERE’S CONTEXT FOR THIS TOOOO
w h a t -
w  h  a  t  -
W   H   A   T   -
Conclusion:
it’s 2 in the morning and i need sleep but hOOOOO MY GODS THAT WAS GOOD IS IT OVER OR NOT IDK ANYMORE IM TIRED THAT WAS CRAZY I HOPE QUINN AND JASPER GO ON TO BE VERY GOOD FRIENDS, AND I HOPE BENJAMIN AND OLIVER STAY VERY GOOD FRIENDS AND I HOPE HILLS FINDS A THERAPIST WAS A LITTLE CONFUSING BUT I ENJOYED IT
if i dream about apples im suing /j /lh
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parrishh · 3 years
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i'm like, 90% sure all of the anons in my inbox right now are actually the same person so, if that's you, i'm just going to answer all of your mister impossible questions in this post since there are a lot of them and this is going to be really very extremely long
"Wait what why is Jordan awake?"/"Is the sweetmetal of declans picture helping jordan stay awake?"
i don't know why she's awake but i don't think it's the painting, because at the end of the book she's outside declan's apartment, not her own. i guess it's possible that she succeeded in making the painting a sweetmetal powerful enough to sustain her even there, but i feel like there's probably a different explanation. i've seen theories that she's inadvertently made herself into a sweetmetal by finally seeing herself as her own person rather than just a copy of hennessy, which is interesting
"And the things about the ley line Idgi? Hennessy wants to stop the power but for what"
i think hennessy thinks shutting down the ley line is the best (or even only) way to get rid of the lace. she hates herself for the lace to the extent that she doesn't even want to live anymore, so of course that's her primary motivation. she feels hopeless so long as the lace has power. she's desperate
"Why did he think adam was in on declans plan? I think the "oh" was more like oh you want to come with bryde of course...."
the "oh" is in response to ronan saying "i'm calling now. i need to see you", before there's even any mention of bryde. adam says "you're here? oh", not "you're here? why are you here?" the fact that he didn't ask why ronan was in town, the fact that he said an "oh" of realization instead, implied that he already knew why ronan was in town. and he could have only known by speaking to declan. i think it was a reasonable conclusion on ronan's part
"Ronan are you being serious????? Why should Adam/Declan drop everything and come fight with you - they didnt even know where you are, they don't know the plan. Then you accuse them of that Moderators plan without questioning them. And I mean, yes, Ronan is easily manipulated and he thinks everyone is against them and Bryde is the only one who cares but come on!!!!!!! Seriously, doesn't he get that he might be in the wrong????"
i mean, i think you hit the nail on the head when you said "he thinks everyone is against them." for a long time, he's been struggling with feeling alone, like he's a burden, like the people he loves don't really understand him. he's never had a healthy relationship with another dreamer, so it makes sense that he feels so isolated from literally everyone he cares about. and now he just found out two of the most important people in his life went behind his back to conspire against him (even if he doesn't have confirmation about adam, declan does admit to it over the phone) which is just...salt on a wound he's had since he was a kid. i'm not saying he's in the right, but i do understand why his immediate reaction was what it was. when you've been hurt like that, it takes some time before you can like, calm down and reconsider your own role in the situation
"Ronan basically dreamt Bryde in his worst dream right? Why does he still trust him"
i mean, i don't know how much we can believe what bryde says, but when he reveals himself as being ronan's dream he basically says that everything that he (bryde) wants, ronan already subconsciously wanted before he even dreamt him. that bryde wants it because ronan wanted it. to admit that bryde is in the wrong, ronan would have to admit he, himself, is in the wrong, too, and that's not easy. especially because a lot of his motivation is saving matthew and not wanting to live with the weight of matthew's life on his conscious anymore. especially because he's felt alone for so long, and now he just found out the first dreamer to truly make him feel less alone is his own creation. he's hurting. a lot. he will admit to being wrong in the third book, i think, but like i mentioned above, that kind of growth takes some time
"I think Ronan actually doubts Brydes plan too bc he thinks stuff like people built the dam, there are living things here, it cost a fortune..... and i personally never see a purpose in what they're doing bc bryde never tells them and ronan obviously doesn't know or he thinks he doesnt. I think he doesnt and he just trudts bryde blindly for now and his insecurities aka bryde take over and rule over ronan. Thoughts?"
i mean, i think ronan sees the purpose. here are his thoughts, directly quoted from chapter 17 when bryde is talking about restoring the ley lines:
"A world where Matthew could just live. A world where Ronan could just dream. A world where every dream was clear and crisp and easy to navigate, so there were never accidents or nightmares. He wanted it."
he wants, as i mentioned above, for matthew's life to not be reliant on his own (which i understand. that's a really heavy knowledge to live with.) he also just wants to be able to exist wherever he wants and with whomever he wants (thinking, for example, about how he wasn't able to get an apartment in boston in cdth), without constantly worrying that the nightwash is going to kill him. poor guy just wants a normal life
"Also did we ever actually see bryde get something out of a dream? Most work did Ronan"
this is interesting. now that you mention it, i don't think we do. supposedly he dreams the orbs, but i can't recall ever seeing that happen? i could be wrong, though
"And why is the nightwash mostly ronans problem? I mean hennessy and rhionna (?) had it very little and who knows if the other dreamers have it"
i think ronan is a much, much more powerful dreamer than any of the others. there's something...More about him. something special about being the greywaren. i don't know what it is, specifically, but i anticipate that's something we'll find out in the final book, and i expect it'll explain why the nightwash affects him more than it does the others
"Who the hell dreamt the mods"
i don't know! i think the most popular theory right now is that it was nathan farooq-lane. i'm not sure how that works, though, since they killed nathan and bryde took the sweetmetal off of lock pretty early in the book (unless nathan isn't actually dead, somehow) (or bryde is nathan, which is another popular theory). another theory is that it was ronan. like, he was feeling so alone and misunderstood that he accidentally dreamt his own persecutors? or it's possible that they were all just dreamt by random dreamers and that's why they felt strongly enough about the "cause" to become moderators, but that's kind of boring
"And why are R B and H so dangerous? Bc of what they're doing?"
yeah, and, i mean, according to liliana's visions, they have the power to end the world
"Can I point out that Idk what everyone is talking about, I dont get pynch possible breakup vibes at all from this book"/"Am I trippin or did I read another book? Because some fellas say there's no pynch"
i think when people say there's no pynch, they just mean that there's very minimal pynch interaction, specifically. because, yeah, even though they're both constantly thinking about each other, it is true that we only get one moment of them actually interacting (the phone call), and it's obviously not a positive interaction
i don't think anyone actually thinks they'll break up. at least, i haven't seen anyone say that and i've been feverishly reading everything under the mister impossible tag, so
"What struck me as really odd was that Adam bought this stupid 14$ waffle which he would have never done a few months back and I dont think he would do it now? 14$ is a lot of money esp for a waffle so why spend it on something as useless as this? And why do the others need Adams money? Are they all on scholarships? Was it just bc he had cash and the others didnt? And why is he treating them like his followers and they treat him as their guardian or whatever like he clearly needs to be honest with them"
okay, first off, i will say, as someone who grew up poor and, like adam, absolutely busted my ass in high school to get a good scholarship so i could go to college, the relief of actually getting that scholarship is...powerful. my financial anxiety definitely didn't disappear once that happened, but there was, at least in my experience, this feeling of "i made it, it's going to be okay now" that made it a little easier to spend money. i don't think it's that unrealistic that he, now having the security of a harvard education, would spend fourteen dollars on something he doesn't need every once in a while. it would be completely out of character for henrietta adam, yes, but it's a bit different now. plus, it wouldn't suit his faux Harvard Adam persona to refuse the waffle because of how much it costs
i think his friends are all a lot more well-off than he is. it was just that they didn't have any cash on them and the waffle truck didn't take card (also realistic, i never have cash on me so i always have to ask someone to spot me when a place turns out to be cash-only)
i think (a) they all look up to him because he has this really calm, cool and collected persona. more importantly, we can assume that they were all struggling with something when he met each of them, since they were all crying. now in swoops this guy who saw them upset and came to comfort and befriend them. of course they see him as something like a hero. and (b) i think he likes that. in high school, he was the one being rescued, not the one rescuing. i think he enjoys being the kind of person he used to wish he could be (ie. gansey. he's being gansey)
"I thought it a bit funny in a weird way that Declan talked about marrying Jordan…I can't imagine he was being too serious about it?"
no, i mean, i don't think he was literally proposing, not yet. he's just really happy for the first time in a long time (maybe ever) and, after a lifetime of pain and trauma and more responsibility than he ever signed up for, i don't blame him for wanting that feeling to last forever, even if he's not really thinking clearly
"Also I think it's amazing they make each other so happy but the ending makes me a bit sad or surprised bc shouldn't Matthew be his nr1 priority now?"
we only have jordan's perspective at the end, so when she thinks that it was clear declan had come out of his apartment looking for her, i don't think that necessarily means he wasn't also looking for matthew. i don't think it's fair to say that, in that moment, he should prioritize either matthew or jordan. he loves two dreams, so he can and should be concerned for both of them equally. i don't think one love is inherently more important than the other just because it's lasted longer or because it's family
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doyouevenshipbr0 · 4 years
Text
gruvia drabble:
author’s note: so! this is based on a theory from @bbygirljuvi !!! it’s essentially predicting what would happen in chap 58 of 100 yq! so if u dont read 100 yq and have no idea what im talking ab, give chap 57 a read lmaooo. remember when i JUST said i didnt like writing fics of me predicting what would happen in canon in the future? well, fuck it ig!!!
ALSO i wanna point out that i LOVEEEE ur guys’ feedback and love sooossososo much!!! the only reason i dont reply to comments is bc this isnt my main blog so if i reply it will only reply from my main that i dont even use anymore:/ so i dont want u guys to think im ignoring u!!!:) just know that i do read ur comments and i love ur support! if u message me or leave me an ask i will 100% respond!:) thank u ALL ilysm!!! enjoy!:)
*
“She’s my power to live.”
White.
Everything after that was just white. All she could see, all she could hear. The world around her completely stopped at that point in time.
Words like these were the exact words Juvia had dreamt of hearing for what felt like an eternity at that point. She knew her face was beaming red, and her mouth was agape.
After the short period of nothingness, the words repeated in her head over and over again. Did she hear him right? Did she mix up the words in her head? No. No, she was sure that she didn’t. “She’s my power to live.” played on loop. The more the words swirled in her head, the more she felt her heart burn. It was all too much for her, but in the best possible way. She completely forgot where she even was for a moment— that she was in the middle of a battle, having the life drained from by the second.
Juvia’s body shook as her head bobbed up and down, trying to catch her breath in that moment. Her skin was so hot she thought she might melt. She was his power to live. She knew that meant a lot, because that was exactly how she felt about Gray. All the emotions in her were rising to a boil, and it wasn’t until she heard her darling call her name that she was finally being pulled back to reality.
“Calm down, Juvia!” She heard his voice call to her. She then remembered just where she was and what she was doing.
“Gah!” Metro called out in sheer pain. “So hot!”
As Juvia reached her arms out to run and embrace her beloved, her arms didn’t listen. They were stuck to the tree. However, the grip did waiver. Juvia’s hot water was causing him to slip. Then, in that moment, her annoyance took priority above all her other emotions, and she let it out where she knew it would be useful.
“Let Juvia go!” Her voice was brash, and her body began to boil even more, doubling the steam that was already coming off of her and Metro.
“Stop it! Ah!” Metro’s body thrashed with discomfort, but Juvia wasn’t letting up— not until she was in Gray’s arms.
“Ergh!” Juvia practically growled. She mustered up all that emotion and got ready for one final blow of hot water.
Metro let out a scream of pain before losing consciousness and collapsing to the ground into a pile of steaming wood. Gray stood in awe as he watched it all happen, and once he realized Metro was about to go down, he took started to lunge forward to catch Juvia who would fall. Before he could get there, Juvia fell to the ground and stuck the landing. Gray didn’t even have a chance to ask if Juvia was ok before she herself lunged at him.
“Gray-sama!~” She sang as she threw herself onto Gray, wrapping around his torso.
“Whoa!” Gray grunted on impact. His eyes were still wide as he was still attempting to process everything that just happened.
“Oh, Gray-sama! Did you really mean what you said?!” She nuzzled her giddy face into his chest.
Gray was still dumbfounded at the pile of defeated wood that laid in front of him. He couldn’t process what Juvia was even saying. Just a second ago she was struggling to stay conscious, stuck on the enemy, and now she was completely fine and safe with Gray.
“Uh— What exactly— just happened?” Gray stammered. He finally began to reciprocate the hug by resting a hand on the top of Juvia’s back as his other hand ruffled through his hair.
“Hm?” Juvia pulled herself out of Gray’s chest and rose a curious eyebrow. She noticed he still had his eyes locked onto what used to be the great and powerful Metro and turned her head to match his gaze, and then quickly turned back to Gray. “Oh! That! Juvia can get pretty—erm—- crazy when her emotions get a little out of control.” She chuckled nervously, realizing that what she did was a bit much.
“Yeah... you don’t say.” Gray huffed.
“But Juvia couldn’t help it!” She threw herself right back onto him. “Gray-sama just said the best and most romantic words ever! Juvia had to give you a great big hug as soon as possible!” She giggled and snuggled back up all over again.
Gray snorted. “Wow.” He wiped his hair out of his eyes. It all happened so fast. Gray’s mind was running a mile of minute just a second ago thinking how he would rescue Juvia, but she went and rescued herself.
“You are... You’re incredible, you know that?” His breath was still stolen, but gave a chuckle at the end.
“Me?!” Juvia pulled away with wide eyes.
“Yes, you!” He finally looked down at her.
“Here I was so worried about protecting you and keeping you safe, but... you don’t really need me to do that, do you?”
“Well, of course Juvia wants Gray-sama to protect her! That is music to Juvia’s ears!” She swooned for a moment. “But don’t forget, Juvia is a Fairy Tail wizard. I know how to hold my own.” She smiled surely.
There he had it. Gray just got that closure he’d been searching for all this time, but Juvia took his closure and flipped it upside down. She gave him closure, but even better, she proved to him that he didn’t need to keep waiting to be “strong enough” or “confident enough”. He was confident enough and felt so strongly, that he didn’t need any of the validation that he thought he needed. All he needed was her, and he didn’t have to keep pushing off his feelings anymore.
Tears rushed to his eyes as he swfitly brought Juvia back into his embrace. “Thank you.” He said softly, tightening his arms.
“Thank you, Gray-sama.” Juvia wrapped her arms further.
They stood there for a while, just in each other’s hold.
After some time, Juvia’s legs began to wobble a bit as she felt light headed, and her stance struggled, causing her to take a step to the side and lose her grip.
“Juvia!” Gray exclaimed, concerned. “Are you alright?” He pulled her away.
“Well,” She chuckled. “Juvia did just exert a lot of magic energy back there, and while I can take care if myself, Juvia’s not invincible either.”
Gray matched Juvia’s grin. “Alright, let’s get you somewhere to rest. Can you walk?”
“Yes.” Juvia nodded. She took a few steps forward perfectly fine, and then she paused. A light bulb went off in her head.
“Well-“ Her voice pitch rose. “Actually, Juvia is feeling sooo weak! Juvia doesn’t think she can walk! Gray-sama will have to carry her!” She dramatically wailed, but as usual, Gray saw right through her antics.
“Yeah, nice try.” He scoffed.
“Aww...” Juvia’s shoulders sunk. It was worth a shot.
Gray smirked and rolled his eyes. “Here, just in case, wrap your arm around me.”
Juvia lit up all over again. “Ok! That’ll work.” Gray squatted a bit so Juvia could wrap her arm around his shoulders. Gray’s one hand held onto Juvia’s while the other wrapped around her waist for stability.
“Oh, and by the way,” Gray blushed. “I did mean what I said.”
Juvia was a bit confused, and she raised a brow.
Gray grumbled. “Ya’ know, about you being my power to live, or whatever.” He looked down, embarrassed. “I really did mean it.” He looked back at Juvia who had the same expression she had on her face the first time he said it. He quickly averted his gaze again.
“And, actually, you’re not just my power to live. You’re a whole bunch of other stuff too. You’re—well— my world, honestly.” He finally finished, and he felt a huge weight lifted from his shoulders when he finally said it.
Juvia gasped with delight, and she tilted her head into Gray. She giggled as they continued walking, and she tightened her grip on Gray’s hand.
“Well, that makes Juvia very happy. Juvia feels the exact same.”
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Oct 16th Stream Timestamps
Timestamps from Technoblade’s “The Festival (Dream SMP)”
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Link to my youtube comment with all of the timestamps x
Timestamps with hyperlinks below
02:25  trying and failing to do a video intro on stream 03:38  going to festival for recognizance / might be a trap 04:53  crossbow and rockets / "What is that RPG you're carrying" 06:21  "To be fair I did a 360 on a llama on a moving cart" "What jury would convict" 10:12  156k viewers 11:15  Quackity's unresolved minecraft monday trauma 15:05  171k / will accept money to switch streaming platforms / making war rockets 17:43  To-do list / "That's a good idea me from 30 minutes ago" / mobile wither supplies / not the time to talk about taxes 22:30  afraid of doxxing himself with display capture / "You can joke about me missing diamonds but not doxxing myself, that obliterates my anxiety" 28:29  would ditch on MCC to get clout on dream SMP / "My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined" / better not have to give a speech at the festival 31:12  naming his 4th fastest horse Carl / started raining so he's flying to Awesamdude / Technoplane 34:57  200k viewers / vc with Awesamdude / base tour 39:38  "Kill your friend now" (text from brother) / totally fair race with Antfrost 44:36  suspicious stew / "If Dream is in the audience looking for a new flex in the manhunt series..." 49:20  getting Dream to /give him glowstone (definitely not fake) / "One day you'll look back and go ohhh that's how he got glowstone" 51:52  making fun of Tommy and Wilbur for not being invited 53:45  Wilbur and Tommy spotted / vc with them / "In my defense I thought it'd be funny" / swearing 56:58  scaring Quackity 57:45  joining the festival vc / making fun of Tommy and Wilbur for not being invited / weapons testing 1:00:34  Fundy shows up / dunk tank 1:03:21  Fundy tries to drown Techno 1:08:00  "previous viewer record was 120k" / "hostile takeover of the flower shop" / "Welcome to the real world kid" / "EVERYONE GATHER AT L’MANBERG PODIUM" 1:09:12  "I'm here to gain intel on the enemy forces and man there are a lot of them" / celebration firework / shot quackity 1:10:18  Fundy killed / corpse looted / "Everything's coming up Technoblade" / "Technoblade stole my items on the Dream SMP 2 million views" 1:11:18  frozen paypal accounts / Fundy running back / Techno helping him stall 1:14:03  Jschlatt kills Fundy / "President, expert marksman" / "Maybe if you only let people with high pitched voices talk" 1:15:18  festival speech / "Chat stop spa.mming JFK nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys" / adjourn to party 1:16:48  state secrets / "He's so humble and down to earth" / Schlatt can't swim / "Covid isn't real" (Schlatt) 1:18:14  green hands / "I'm not gonna JFK yet, this is reconnaissance relax. Chat I'm literally surrounded by enemies I'd get slaughtered" / pokimane island 1:20:03  national weaknesses / "Just guy talk" / giving Schlatt suspicious stew / only thing Techno has learned is that Schlatt can't swim 1:22:19  insulting Wilbur for removing the railing / "What other infrastructure do we want to talk about" / Niki helping with the info gathering 1:23:36  boxing ring / fighting Fundy and definitely not cheating / "WHO'S NEXT" / "I feel like I'm not here anymore" 1:26:46  Tubbo v Sam / "Wilbur why" 1:27:55  Tubbo v Quackity / "I've always dreamt about beating up child" / "You know what's hilarious, Dream has been trying to set up a Minecraft boxing match for literally 12 months" 1:29:46  definitely legit drug test for Tubbo / "I don't know if I feel comfortable playing in a competition that allows unsportsmanlike behavior like this" 1:30:50  Schlatt v Fundy / refuses to fight Techno / weapons in a boxing match isn't cheating "Most viewers dodgebolt has ever had" 1:34:05  "If I kill him..do you see how many people are going to maul me to death...Do you think I'm going to die for this cause?" / Fundy insulting Techno but he can't kill him without collateral damage 1:36:03  Schlatt hyping Tubbo up / "I bet you guys don't have any state secrets. so lame" / atheism pog 1:39:03  Tubbo speech / accusing Fundy of assassination 1:41:19  ominous vibes from Schlatt / trapping Tubbo 1:44:03  Techno gets called up / stalling 1:47:41  "Tubbo I'm sorry" / killing Tubbo / killing everybody 1:49:39  "This is the greatest crossbow of all time" (high voice) / Fundy enjoying a promotion 1:50:53  Niki yelling at Schlatt / Wilbur goes in / "I'm the Joker baby" / Techno defending Wilbur 1:52:53  "Do I look like a bad guy" "I mean, kinda" / "Shut up Technoblade, you had one job" "To be fair I did that job" / verbal contract 1:54:57  escape and fight / standoff with Purpled / "I think he's on lunch break" / heading back to Pogtopia 1:57:53  I told you so ft. Vilbur 1:59:06  "No one actually cares about honor" / "So you just bend to peer pressure" "Yes, immediately" 2:00:30  "Tommy's angry at you" / "What's wrong with you" "A lot of things" / "There were like 10 guys who would have jumped me" / "You're just another Jschlatt" 2:02:12  selling out / "Weaken them" / "Think you can destroy Manberg without my help" / "Go stand next to your president" 2:03:35  Wilbur and Tubbo instigating / "for content" / "screw you" / "joined the server to destroy the government" / combat pit 2:06:38  "I kinda forgive Technoblade" / "How we could have taken down Manberg" / "This is a man driven by his emotions" 2:08:58  "No hard feelings it stays in the pit" / "He's still a president" / "I'm not doing this for Wilbur" / Techno wins 2:10:35  plotting with Wilbur / agreed to resolve the conflict with fighting 2:12:58  finds a button in his inventory / "Do you think I would stop mass destruction Tommy" 2:13:54  "You're using words but the only universal language is violence" / "pink sus" 2:15:02  just roleplay / peaceful change of power won't work bc Schlatt won't play fair / "I forgive you for betraying us" / "We're not here to relocate your power we're here to make sure there's no more power to get" 2:17:00  Sam is joining team anti Jschlatt / as is Bad / opposing Schlatt for killing cats / single voter issue / "I want to leave a smoking crater from which...no new country will ever rise in its place" / BBH doesn't have a halo 2:21:47  crossbow happy noises / coolest weapon 2:25:03  didn't want to fight Tommy but Tommy threw the first punch / trident fly by / airstrike
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