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oglegoggle · 1 year

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Idiot ex expected literally everyone around him to bend over backwards to do everything for him because he’s got ADHD and therefore isn’t capable of doing household chores or not breaking my belongings or responsibly managing his finances. He would throw up ADHD as a get out of jail free card literally every single time his behavior hurt me and I just had to accept it. Outright told me one time that trying to teach him how to do chores properly without breaking shit was triggering for him. But then was upset to see me call him an idiot and a coward in the notes on a post I reblogged about how shitty ADHD folks who use their ADHD as reason to never face consequences for their inconsiderate and selfish behavior.

Like yeah ADHD sucks and it requires a lot of difficult managing. But legit if you’re gonna say that it’s “triggering” to be expected to put away dishes without breaking them or take the used kitty litter to the dumpster outside every single day you’re just a pathetic self absorbed piece of shit. ADHD or not behavior like this has consequences and sometimes those consequences are the people you’re living with think you’re a selfish moron they don’t want to live with.

Your RSD is correct here dude, acting like this will make people drop you from their lives. You’re in your 30s and can’t do basic household chores. I had to walk on eggshells literally constantly with him because expressing even the tiniest amount of being upset with him would trigger a full blown self loathing meltdown and then he would be upset at me for hurting his feefees. He’s got ADHD, he’s got RSD, he’s got bipolar, it’s oooobviously my fault for triggering him and I need to calm him down and coddle him and reassure him that I’m not going to leave just because he hurt me repeatedly and did nothing to make up for hurting me or stop that behavior that was hurting me. He’s not capable of doing better and it makes him feel insecure that I deserve better treatment he’s not capable of giving me. I better reassure him that I’m okay with his shitty treatment of me or else he’ll fuckin kill himself. No he doesn’t want to go to couples counseling, that would be a waste of time and money.

Wow I’m such a shitty partner for not getting rid of all the glassware in my home so he won’t break it constantly. Wow I’m such a shitty partner I didn’t remind him to maintain his friendships outside of our relationship, obviously not telling him to remember to talk to and spend time with his friends is the same as somehow forbidding him from seeing them. Wow I’m such a shitty partner I don’t want to cook literal goddamn chicken rice & veg meals for his fucking dog and foot the bill for it, just like I was paying all of the other household bills as well as our entire shared food budget and cooking our meals every day because he would break shit and set fires if I didn’t. Wow I’m such a shitty partner for expecting him to actually pay the landlord his portion of the rent. Wow I’m such a shitty partner for smoking so much of his weed. Wow I’m such a shitty partner I won’t allow his awful cat in my home again after it slashed my fucking eyeball and put me in the ER. Wow I’m such a shitty partner for being constantly made sick by the filth and squalor he created faster than I could clean up without help. Wow I’m such a shitty partner for expecting to be helped with the cleaning. Wow I’m such a shitty partner for not accommodating his ADHD and letting him treat me like garbage without consequence. Wow I’m such a shitty partner for having needs and boundaries. Wow I’m such a shitty partner for not tolerating his abuse forever.

It was abuse.

He abused me.

Having ADHD does not make your behavior not abusive. ADHD does not absolve you of being an abuser. There are plenty of ADHD folks in this world that have actual honor and dignity about themselves. Don’t act like ADHD is a free excuse to abuse others. That’s not RSD talking that’s your conscience, listen to it. Treat those who care about you with genuine respect and they won’t reject you.

#this is goggles #bleh I’m cranky and lonely but at least I’m not dealing with his idiocy anymore #I would very much like to be held and loved #not loved for how silently and gracefully I can endure being abused #I want to be loved gently #I want to feel safe to express negative emotions with them in a healthy manner in ways we can work on solutions and build a better love #I want to feel like I don’t have to be the only responsible person in charge of everything all of the time #I want to live in a clean home that doesn’t make me sick with masses of spilled soda and cat piss on every surface and bugs and mold #I want to have my belongings regarded with care and have them replaced when occasional mishaps happen #I want to not have to constantly be parenting someone older than myself because they completely lack basic skills and emotional regulation #I want to be able to rely on my partner not just be a totally reliable rock to them without support of my own #I want to relax and feel at peace in my own home not constantly stressed by their behavior and shit pets #I want to have people in my life who make me feel secure and safe and supported and seen #I gave up everything to leave that life behind me I deserve and need better from the folks around me #it sucks and it’s lonely but I’m going to find better #hopefully in Seattle I’ll be able to find friends and love and support I need #I really hope so this life is so lonely and my body aches so much #When I feel like I miss him it is not because he was a good partner it is because I haven’t ever had a partner to live with before him #I will find a new partner who will want to live with me and will treat me better #I will get the love and respect and support I need elsewhere he won’t give me what I need #just gotta ignore that irritating feeling of missing him it will not benefit me he will only hurt me and make me feel like I’m at fault #even his friends think he’s a douchebag I wish I would’ve listened to them early on when they were trying to warm me #bleh my body aches I really need some touch and affection #I hate possessing this almost esoteric knowledge that being held reduces the pain in my body this was so much easier to handle before #I’m going to be 27 in a couple weeks I’m still so young but I feel so old #I have never been good at dating and I loathe having to date to find a partner can I just skip ahead to the part where I have a kind lover?#I want to have my back rubbed and neck kissed I want to be held while I sleep and feel safe and at ease #I’d take it even for a single night right about now it’s been months and I know I have months more ahead of me before I’ll even be hugged #wish I had the dough and know how to hire a companion for the evening #not even really for sex just like I really need to be held for a little while being held is so important for my mental and emotional health

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carfuckerlynch · 1 year

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#didn’t really clock how much my inability to allow myself to experience or express negative emotions is like. ruining my life.#i joke about it sometimes but it feels a little telling that except for the first few days after it happened i didn’t actually cry about #my boyfriend going radio silent for three weeks and then dumping me out of nowhere after saying that all of those things were things he #didn’t want. and then when we were talking it out after and i expressed that i was pretty blindsided by that. whole thing. and that it #sucked to not have any information for the last several weeks of our relationship. he just never responded.#<- other than the few days after the breakup i wasn’t able to cry about all that until. checks watch. saturday. like last saturday #almost three months later #and like. not allowing myself to exist in silence. i couldn’t listen to music for like a month after that. maybe more. i still kind of can’t #i mostly listen to podcasts and audiobooks or play youtube videos #my dreams haven’t been this bad since high school #odhran.txt #anyway. sorry about ^ all that. but also this is my house

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leatherbookmark · 2 years

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*insert your regular ‘ghrrrr why does this fandom think jgy is a closet bitch’ post*

#in particular: why do they think that he'd be bitchy /to lxc/ who would only tolerate it with an angelic expression aaaaugh #like. yes. 'being able to stop forcing a smile and sincerely express his negative emotions' is i think be something jgy would want in a rs #BUT i totally don't see him as like. midori from norwegian wood who describes love as ordering your s/o to come fetch you a cake THIS #instant then immediately yeeting it outta the window like 'actually i wanted another cake' and the s/o going 'you're right i'm stupid sorry'#jgy does not... want the power to force people to tolerate his capricious behaviours... if there's something he really truly shares with wwx #then i'd say is the cottagecore fantasy; or rather -- they just want a peaceful existence. jgy additionally wants to help people #but i super don't think he's this kind of lower class person whose life goal is to be decked in as much gucci/prada/whateverthefuckelse as #possible; have 10 servants at his beck n call and throw money and influence around #and i am just Puzzled that other people seem to -- at least to a degree -- think otherwise #anyway: donmai donmai this is just a random rantpost i am hereby going back 2 postcorpsening #postcorpsefuckening...fuckening... hm #shrimp thoughts

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yoohyeontual · 1 year

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My parents love to tell to go see a professional more than actually listened to me

#‘’You never talk to us!’’#i actually did a million time and was said to either get over it or life is life you don’t have a choice #oh wow you are so right this is making me feel so much better !#…..#the fact that it’s mostly my mom saying that I don’t ever tell her anything when I spent so many days telling her what’s wrong with me #but she keep telling me I don’t tell her either she thinks my problems are problems are she dosen’t care and try to act like she does #she literally told me to stop arguing with her cause it’s her weekend off and she dosen’t wanna deal with this #so her having a free day is more important than my mental health got it #also the fact that she knows more than my dad cause one of the thing making me depress would need me to come out to my dad and I’m not doing #that*#also i am doing something that adhd test also have other section for other things including depression and anxiety the two things #they keep telling me to check but I don’t have any money to actually see someone neither do they #wtf they want me to do getting a diagnostic won’t help me i will just be able to put a name to it #I love them to death but they are so close emotionally sometimes it’s horrible #I get that my dad was like that cause my grandparents were zero affectionate so they probably act the same way to him #but my mom ?!?! who had the most loving parents and family ?!?! I don’t get how much she’s egoistical when it comes to emotion #idk how to express myself but I’m so tired of this #alex.txt #tw negative #tw negativity

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cupids-chamber · 3 months

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𖤐 𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘, 𝐈 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 . . reason he realized he wanted to be your forever . . .

Gender neutral reader | Dorm leaders . . . A valentines day special

★ 𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒

Riddle over complicated things quite a bit—well . . . in simple terms, he overexerted himself for an ideal image of perfection. As it was something he was taught and bred to sought after. He feels uneasy in many cases, he's not the best at reading to room all the time, and he even has a hard time responding to comfort or comforting people.

Which is why he was so surprised and overwhelmed by how laid back you were, it was as if he had met the opposite of himself in a sort of way. The way you seemed so careless and oblivious to possible negative outcomes of your risqué actions, all came as a foreign feeling to him.

Yet, he remembers being paired with you for a project of sorts once, and at the time he didn't know how to feel about you—he supposed he saw you as an unreachable figure, someone he wishes he was. . . However, one memory of that project stuck out, the day you both spent hours on end, well into the night chatting instead of doing your work. It started off with small talk in-between the project work, which turned into a debate of sorts. Then it became a full on conversation that seemed to refuse ending.

Riddle from then on often got into these hefty conversations with you, and he began to realize just how calm you made him . . . you eased his nerves. You made him feel just as free and laidback as he viewed you.

Until one day, late at night, on a call where you admitted some things that came as a shock. And his perception of you began to reform, he realized just how similar you both were. It was as if he was looking into a mirror of himself, yet the reflection was able to respond back to him and refute his current ideals.

He found you admirable, he found you a curious figure, one he'd love to know more about, one he'd love to know . . . one he'd love to call his.

★ 𝐕𝐈𝐋 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐍𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐓

Vil, had always been an early bird, it was the best way to start the day in his mind. The earlier he wakes up, the more time he has to spend throughout the day. Sleeping late and waking up even later would ruin his complexion—and the very routine he thoroughly crafted over the years. Yet when he met you, he quickly discovered that you were the exact opposite of what he was.

You were a night owl, an insomniac. He struggles to try and get you to bed, he struggles to try and get you to sleep, too close those expressive eyes of yours and head into the vast world of dreams.

Yet as the days progressed, he couldn't help but stay up on call for you, passing his usual sleeping hours into much later hours just to hear the pleasant sound of your voice, the tired edge to it that he adores. He continuously consoled himself with the fact that he was just doing so to make sure you slept, but soon his schedule had shifted to fit your more irregular one.

And when you both moved in together, he began realizing the subtle shifts you made. How you'd sleep earlier, how you'd wake up around the time he would, how you'd always be ready to join him for breakfast no matter how cranky.

Perhaps that was what made him realize, that he'd prefer to see your face every morning, awake or asleep . . .

★ 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐔𝐒 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐀

It was rare for someone to be unafraid of Malleus, perhaps you were . . . stupid? Maybe dense . . . But he held no judgement, rather he was over the moon to be able to be close so to someone other then his small social group of Diasomnia students.

He adored quite a lot about you, the way you'd patiently listen to what he had to say, the way you'd treat him ever so casually compared to the former. He didn't want it to end, the soft lingering touches, the tone of your voice, the way your eyes seemed to express each detail of your emotions—the way your lips curved into an slightly unpleasant smile, when you greeted someone you disliked—He was very pleased to know he wasn't one of the latter.

He seemed to like almost every inch of you, to the point where he himself wasn't fully aware of how he felt . . . until he and you decided to go on a picnic, and he saw you smiling so brightly, and freely, the sun radiating off of your face—his heart began skipping a beat—and he realized that he wanted nothing more then that bright smile to be directed to him, always and forever.

★ 𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐀 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑

Leona was a particularly laid back figure, watching you from afar as you did—what were you doing in the botanical garden anyways?, he questioned in the back of his head, still tired and groggy. You always came around at this time to the gardens, with seemingly no plan in your mind. Perhaps you enjoyed disturbing his sleep? As you always seemed to approach him with a smile.

Leona just doesn't seem to understand what you view your relationship as, possibly friends? Well he could care less. He doesn't find you amusing to say the least, coming into his hiding spaces and ruining his peaceful slumber. Usually by now he'd cause a scene, but for some reason the way you rambled on and on about your day didn't irritate him as much as he wanted it too . . . At least then he'd have an excuse to send you away.

Leona didn't like having you around, he made that quite abruptly clear. Yet the week you were away, he found himself eyeing you out of the crowd, and he surprisingly grew even more upset when he couldn't find you. He assumed you had matched his energy and decided to finally leave him alone.

And yet, he was upset.

It only came crashing down on him when he saw you again, after a week, you went on explaining you were sick—or something—he stopped listening a while ago . . . As the realization slowly creeped in, that he couldn't imagine, or rather didn't want to imagine another day without your stupid rambling.

★ 𝐀𝐙𝐔𝐋 𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐎

Azul's crush on you seemingly formed from how giving you were, not expecting anything in return—well . . . actually it was when you offered him an water bottle because he looked dehydrated randomly out of no where and expected nothing in return, clearly you were designed for him—Floyd knocked him out of his train of thought.

Azul and you have been going out for an while, and he puts so much effort into his appearance—The amount of annoyed signs he had to deal with from both the tweels due to his lovesick behaviorisms is endless.

Yet none of the above was what resulted in him wanting to be with you forever . . . he did intend to marry you someday . . . but what stuck to him is how you always noticed—it surprised him, made him a bit afraid, but most of all it made him feel important and loved.

He loved the way you knew how he felt, the way you even accidently end up noticing the effort he put in, the way you always know what to say, the way that when he has something to say, you listen, the way you never judge his questionable actions . . . all of this made him realize that he wanted you . . . all of you . . .

★ 𝐊𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐌 𝐀𝐋-𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐌

Kalim was a social butterfly, and you were an ambivert who was easily drained in social interactions. You were seemingly more anxious then usual, a bit trippy as you stepped out of one of those Scarabia grand parties. Starring at the ground as you settled down, surprisingly not caring for the dirt that would get on your outfit. The area of Scarabia was surprisingly clean.

And out of the corner of Kalim's eye, he spotted you, through the window, he assumed you were one of the many people who could use some encouragement to return back into the party—he's well aware many could grow anxious in such a crowded area. And though you've had your fair share of big crowds, he was correct this time around.

Yet when Kalim's eyes found yours outside, the tired sigh you let out, the way your hands gently pressed down on your temple in an attempt to calm down made him realize . . . that you were the one.

★ 𝐈𝐃𝐈𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐃

Idia always enjoyed playing games with you—spending time with you, you were a bit more tolerable then most people to say the least. He could even compare your company to that of Ortho's . . . well almost at the very least.

You were a comforting and refreshing presence, who always seemed to encourage healthier habits onto him, and for some odd reason he strived to garner some sort of acknowledgement or praise for him doing the things you wanted . . . even though most of them were basic needs like making sure he drank a certain amount of water, and took his medication . . . you always made it known that you were proud.

It was odd, slowly and effectively you had his routine changed, the changes started small until they were noticeable. He found himself going the extra mile for you . . . but what surprised him the most, was that you were also willing to go the extra mile for someone like him.

Forever is a long time, and originally he thought it would be just his little brother and him, but perhaps . . . no, he wanted you apart of it as well.

— 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒

For Malleus's part, imagine your only friends being your siblings . . . haha . . . can't be me . . . (They're a decade younger then me)

For Kalim's part, you can't tell me he's not delusional, he seems like the type to see someone and decide, they're the one.

For Leona's part, tried sounding like him, I needed the slight asshole-ness to mix with the soft fluffy scenario.

I like my Azul with a small hint of delulu.

Might be a bit rushed in parts but I wrote this at 3am after going thru it . . .

Also, my blog was made on Valentines day so happy blog birthday to me!

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malware-kin · 1 year

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god why do noses have 2 get involved w crying. it's as enough that I'm sad but also now I can't breathe? thnx. love bein a human.

#I should b able 2 just scream and explode lightbulbs and have that b the Only Wsy I Express Negative Emotions #personal #buzzing

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genderkoolaid · 25 days

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I am confused by the Sophie Lewis quote u had posted. I believe women are able to make bold statements like "I hate men" w/o it being taken too literally. Humans are allowed to hate their oppressors. Ofc a majority of the time they are referring to cis men and I don't think that needs to be stated in order for the point to come across. And I do believe straight women are allowed to hate men while still pursuing them. You cannot help who you're attracted to.

Its not a matter of women making a single statement or a matter of what straight women are "allowed" to do. She's talking about the effects of engaging with sexuality and gender in such a negative way, where you constantly have to re-affirm how much you dislike your own sexuality and how hopeless it is that you will ever be happy or have good sex, and the effect that this framing has on the way trans people are treated. You are allowed to hate anyone and anything. The question is whether or not it's beneficial for people to engage with their sexuality (and an entire gender) through hatred.

Emotions being valid to feel and express does not mean that those emotions are the best way to make meaningful, positive change or that those emotions are beyond questioning.

#m.#ask box

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kinopio-writes · 2 months

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Hi! Would you be willing to write something for Adam with a sensitive reader?

Everyone knows that he is loud-mouthed jerk, even reader, and she loves him regardless, but one day he crosses the line and says something particularly mean that makes her cry. Like REAL mean. To the point that he pauses because he did not think before speaking (or, well, less than usual lol)

I'm happy with whatever format you feel like using! Thank you!

A/N: I will be more than delighted to write that for you. But would you excuse me for a moment? AHHHHHHDISJDIOEOFJSKXJND—I’m sorry; I love this idea so much. Reading ‘Adam with a sensitive reader’ got me hooked instantly. But I’ll go over that in the headcanons, along with the general stuff. And I’ll add a oneshot at the end that plays the exact scenario of Adam taking it too far.

Holy sh!t. I made it so that the reader being sensitive is their greatest but also weakest point and it turned out pretty angsty. Has a bit of hurt/comfort, though. Did I go overboard? Maybe. That’s why it took so long. Sorry, anon.

Words: 2,328 (edited the end a bit because it didn’t sit right with me)

Warnings: Sex is mentioned (only a bit, surprisingly), Angst, Adam being Adam

———

Adam w/ a Sensitive!Reader

• ha, this man is also sensitive himself

• well, sensitive about himself

• he feels his own emotions strongly, so he’s not the caring, easily able to pick up on other’s feelings and empathize type of sensitive

• you, on the other hand, are on the opposite end of the spectrum compared to Adam

• so you experience other people’s emotions just as strongly as yours

• you easily know what makes someone tick

• you’re selfless

• you’re able to admit your mistakes and apologize

• you’re respectful and actively listen to people when they talk about themselves

• you don’t push people down to make yourself seem better

• you try to make everyone feel good and comfortable

• you’re everything he isn’t

• because you fit in Heaven perfectly

• you deserve to be there

• and Adam knows that he doesn’t belong (subconsciously at least)

• you’re able to draw people in just for being yourself

• and he’s envious of it

• so he demeans you and is snarky about everything you do, and every time people give you praise or affection, he tries to divert the attention to himself or just stares at you with utter hatred from afar

• although all of that is just when he hasn’t even had a conversation with you

• after a while of being around you, he’ll cling to you because you give him the reassurance and validation he oh-so craves (he acts as if he didn’t hate you before. What do you mean? You two were always buddy-buddy!)

• you acknowledge all of the things he puts his worth to

• heck, you hang out with him—you sometimes even initiate it—willingly, and you’re genuinely interested in everything he has to say

• but he‘ll only hang out with you where no one recognizes you (so you don’t get all the attention)

• terrible transition here, but he notices that you mimic people’s expressions often

• he definitely makes fun of you for it

• and also mocks you

• up until he realizes that you do the same thing to him, too

• which is fine and all, if only you didn’t do that when he’s upset

• well, you mimic him when he’s joyous as well, but he (already subconsciously) expects you to. I mean, why wouldn’t you? He’s fucking hilarious!

• so you copying his negative emotions just stands out more

• and he…doesn’t like it

• that’s only really what he doesn’t like about you

• and the fact that you hog all the attention

• and the fact that people see you as perfect…

• buuut what happens when he gets to see a new side of you that isn’t exactly upholding that image?

———

Your phone lit up from your bedside table, brightening your otherwise dark room along with the soft glow of your halo. You only moved your eyes to the light, not wanting your tears to spill and dampen your pillows.

You had an inkling as to who was texting you this late—if the fact that your phone lighting up several times in the span of 5 minutes had anything to say.

When the texts stopped pouring in after a few seconds, you heavily sighed, wings ruffling. You resisted the urge to rub your face as you went to grab your phone.

HEY (2:34) HEY (2:34) HEY (2:34) ARE YOU UP? (2:35) I’M BORED (2:35) GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE (2:36) IF YOU’RE UP (2:37) ARE YOU? (2:38) DID I TELL YOU THAT BITCH WITH THE HUGE TITS GOT FIRED TODAY? (2:39)

Figured. Of course, it was Adam. He was the only person you knew who’d be awake at this ungodly hour. And the only person you knew who’d disturb your peace if it meant curing anything that ailed him. Which was now about boredom, it seemed.

You read a few of his texts displayed on your lock screen before tapping one of the notifications and opening the app, scanning the rest of the unread messages.

Adam was going on about ‘that bitch with the huge tits’—her name was Tiffany, you were sure—and how she was rumored to have slept with an archangel to assume higher authority. He also went on to complain about how he didn’t have the chance to bed her anymore since she was basically deemed an outcast and that he couldn’t be seen with someone like her.

You frowned, not believing any of it, but you didn’t have time to think about it enough when he began typing again.

SO YOU’RE AWAKE (2:43)

You barely finished reading the new message when another one popped up.

DON’T IGNORE ME BITCH (2:43)

You frowned deeper, quick to type out a reply.

i’m not (2:43) i was just reading your texts (2:43) don’t worry (2:43) i’ll be there soon (2:44)

When he stopped typing, you placed your phone back on the nightstand, sitting up on your bed as you carefully wiped away your teary eyes. You hugged yourself for a moment, wings functioning as a cocoon while a hand tugged on your hair.

Today had been draining—both mentally and emotionally. Just like the day before, and the day before that. But you didn’t want to think about it, lest you start to cry some more and smear your face with tears this time. What mattered was that everyone was back on their feet again.

Since you didn’t bother changing into your sleepwear when you got home, you only checked your face in the mirror to see if your eyes were puffy or not. You then took in deep breaths, holding up your drooping wings before putting up a charming smile.

You couldn’t stay in the bathroom for long, quickly leaving to tread the path to Adam’s.

•••

“BOO!” Adam’s masked face suddenly peeked from the corner of his hallway, earning an indescribable scream from you as you jerked back. He burst out laughing, brows creased in confusion but also amusement. He couldn’t even make fun of you for getting scared. “What the—what the fuck was that scream?”

Recovering rather quickly as you blinked, you only smiled at him. You were expecting him to wait for you on his couch as his front door was left unlocked, but you weren’t complaining; his action took away any drowsiness you just had.

When Adam didn’t hear you laugh with him, his laughter subsided as he opened his eyes to look at your face. He raised his brows and placed the back of his hands on his hips. “What’s up with you?”

Shit. There was no way Adam was seeing through you.

“Nothing; I just love hearing you laugh.” You heard a tiny squeak in response. “Anyway, what did you make me come over for? Surely not just to scare me.” You moved past Adam and tightly crossed your arms, entering his spacious living room.

“Pshh, fuck no. You’re so easy to spook. Though that was a first. Didn’t know you could hit high notes, (Name).”

You didn’t know what to say to his…compliment? And sort of insult? Was it really either of them? Should you thank him? But in a sarcastic way? No, you weren’t known for being sarcastic, so he might think you were being genuine and look at you weirdly. And it would also seem highly egotistical.

Not as if Adam had much to say about that…

You tugged at your hair when you caught yourself with those thoughts. Shit, that’s so rude! You can’t think that! You shouldn’t think that!

You settled on an awkward chuckle, making yourself appear smaller as you averted your eyes to his TV space.

It was different, certainly. The modular couch pieces were rearranged into a pit sectional. And it looked as though he had chucked a bunch of pillows and one large blanket as an afterthought. It appeared messy, but at least it looked cozy.

“What’s this?”

“Hm? Oh, well, since you were taking your sweet ass time coming here, I thought to switch things up a bit.” You flinched when his head appeared right on your shoulder. “What’d ya think?”

“It looks super comfy.” Adam wore a goofy grin behind you as you walked closer to the area and noticed that he already prepared snacks on the low table. “Is this a way to say you wanna do a movie marathon?”

“You know it, baby.” He flew past you and landed on the sofa, patting the space beside him with a smile you just couldn’t reject.

•••

Heaven’s natural light beginning to peek through the open windows indicated that it was already dawn. Thank goodness you didn’t have work today.

You two—or rather, Adam—had settled on watching the film series, Die Hard. Every single one. You didn’t mind, but you didn’t understand why Adam invited you over if you two were just going to rewatch the film series for the eighth time.

He had also been pretty immersed in the large screen in front of him, so he hadn’t attempted to converse with you ever since the first movie started. In all honesty, he could have just watched them all by himself.

But you didn’t question it. This time was the same as the last seven, after all. You always concluded that maybe he just wanted someone to watch movies with, no talking necessary. Even if the no-talking part sounded a bit out of character.

Was it though? Because he did that quite often. For instance, he constantly brought you along to whatever mundane errands he had to do during the weekdays and never really talked with you unless he found something cool and pointed it out.

Although, the earlier times you tagged along with him on his errands, he kept yapping his mouth off about the ‘totally awesome’ things he does. He talked about music, his own albums, his band, women, sex, and himself as the first-ever man.

As time went on, however, the talking was replaced with silence. You wondered if he just ran out of things to say or if he found it unnecessary to talk anymore.

You also sometimes wondered what was going through his head when he thought you didn’t see him glancing at you while he was doing something he believed was boring.

The sound of Adam’s stomach rumbling broke you out of your train of thought.

You both looked at each other blankly as if either of you were to blame.

He blinked to break the eye contact between you. “(Name), I’m hungry.”

You snorted, facing ahead. “You ate all of our snacks before the first movie even finished.”

“Don’t blame me.” He hugged the pillow he held tighter. “I’m still fuckin’ hungry, though.”

You hummed as you reached for your pocket. “Do you want me to—oh. I…I forgot my phone.” You frowned. You never forget to bring your belongings.

Adam merely stared at you, unblinking.

You averted your eyes and held your legs tighter. “Uhm, We could get delivery if you want. Can you lend me your phone?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He casually tossed you the device before laying on his back and looking up at you. “I’m down for anything.”

His phone hit your knee before you could catch it, silently landing on the cushions. “Are you sure?” You picked it up, opened his unlocked phone, and stared at his basic home screen.

He didn’t really use his phone that often to know that it could be changed. He only really used it to fetch one-night stands or occasional dates, text, play music aloud, look at outdated memes, take random blurry photos, and right now, order delivery.

“Totally.” His crow’s feet displayed on his mask as he puffed out his cheeks.

“Because last time you said that, you didn’t like what I had to pick.”

“That’s because the 5 ʼn 2 is so fucking overrated!” he suddenly started to complain. Your wings ruffled. “Jeez, I swear, every fuckin’ time I take a chick out and ask her what her favorite eatery is, basic bitches always go, ‘Oh, bREaD & fIsH, ceRTAinLy’ or ‘bReAD & FiSh’S a cLAsSIC’” He used his hand as a puppet to imitate their words before waving it. “Like, helloooo? Can’t you see the joint that’s literally on the other side of the street’s a hundred times superior? It’s cheaper, too, unlike Bread & Fish. Overpriced ass. You get me, right—?”

“Then you pick!” Adam jumped at your volume, and your eyes widened upon noticing yourself. You quickly gave back his phone as you turned your face away from him, and he slowly took it with a weird look.

“Shit, chill, (Name). The fuck’s up your ass?” He kept his gaze on you before turning to his phone.

While he was serious about his opinions of your bland tastes, he didn’t think it was that personal. Your preferences were the same as everyone else and that was boring. He was just being honest. And you usually didn’t take the things he said that seriously.

“Adam, I’m sorry,” you spoke up after a moment of silence and ran a hand through your hair. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“ʼs not a problem.” He was still a bit weirded out, but he was willing to shrug it off.

You insisted, however, “I mean it. I’m not mad at you.”

“Okay…?” he muttered when he saw a notification pop up from Lute. Her message consisted of how some of the exterminators got into a quarrel during roll call and the ones involved got injured in the process. She said she was going to discipline them.

Adam did not want to know what she meant by that and was most likely not going to stop by their place today.

“Really. I’m not. Sorry. It’s just that yesterday’s been…”

“Uh-huh…” At this point, Adam was not listening to anything you were saying. But when he still heard the static noise that was your words, he groaned. “Look, sweetie, I really don’t give a fuckin’ shit about your fuckin’ apology, ʼkay? I don’t fuckin’ care. Now what do you want?”

You saw Adam’s confused yet concerned expression after he looked up from his phone and immediately noticed that you were starting to cry. You instantly turned your face away as you carefully wiped your eyes.

“Sorry. Sorry. I’m not crying because of you.” You didn’t know if that was true. You didn’t know if you were crying because of his words or were crying because of everything else.

That was the first time he ever used a sweet petname for you in a long time. He only ever used that to demean or mock other people.

Shit. Stop thinking—you were going to cry more. But even after carefully wiping your eyes away, new tears kept flowing. You couldn’t stop. This was humiliating. You wanted to disappear. You didn’t want anyone to witness you in this state. It was mortifying.

“Shit.” Adam’s voice came out panicky as he held his hands out towards you, but he hesitated. Hesitated in what, he didn’t even know.

He…didn’t think you could cry.

Adam didn’t know what to do; this emotional shit wasn’t his thing. He couldn’t ask you to leave, he knew that much, but he didn’t want to leave himself. This was his place. Why should he leave?

So, he did the only thing he could do in this situation.

You suddenly felt something warm envelop you.

You didn’t look up, but you knew it was Adam. You could feel the texture of his robe on your hands and the side of your face. You could feel his hands on your shoulder blade, but you couldn’t quite feel his arms on you.

You stopped wiping your eyes for a moment.

No one had ever hugged you before when you were sad.

No one had ever let you be sad.

Adam heard you sob.

Fucking great. He made it worse. What the fuck was he supposed to do then?

But when he went to unwrap his arms, he felt yours slip around his midsection, pulling him closer than before as he grunted from your firm hold.

So you wanted to be hugged? Alright. Whatever.

Adam slowly hugged you back after you muttered a ‘sorry’ and loosened your grip.

The next seconds were silent, so when he heard muffled words coming from you, he looked down. You also looked up moments later when he didn’t respond, realizing he must’ve not heard you.

Your gaze softened as you two held eye contact, and with teary eyes, you smiled. “Thank you, Adam.”

Something about his expression changed, but before you could stare any longer, you felt a hand behind your head push you back to his chest as the arm on your back held you tight.

“Yeah, whatever…”

#hazbin hotel x reader #adam x reader #hazbin hotel adam #kinopiowrites

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