#We'll see how things resolve in the end but it's going in the right direction and that's enough for me to be content for now
Note
could you possibly do a platonic gladers thing where reader was the first to come out of the box? like they came up with the note like teresa but “the first” if that makes sense 😭 anyway the reader is just sort of a parental figure to everyone? whatever gender you’d like to put and scenarios, the thought just popped in my head. ofc do this only if you’d like to!! pls don’t feel obligated!! love ur work <333 /p
HI LOVE THIS!! Thank you for the request ❤
Everyone loves Y/n
Platonic gladers x gender neutral!reader, set during tmr (movieverse)
3k - longish fic but worth it if you love platonic love 🫶
Warnings: discussions of Newt's suicide attempt; but more like the recovery after it, still please take care everyone, also language warning
1. Alby
You're the first one. Welcome.
You stuff the crinkled note back in your pocket just as you've done so many times before, re-examining it and hoping for some clue as to why you're stuck in here alone.
Except- you're not alone anymore.
The boy stands beside the Box, staring around the same way you did when you first climbed out, exactly 30 days ago.
Come on, Y/n. Time to go. You take a deep breath, resolving yourself, and you step out from where you'd been standing hidden in the trees.
The guy notices you immediately and takes a defensive stance, understandably hostile and scared. "Who are you? Don't come any closer!"
"Woah, hey," you raise your arms nonthreateningly, continuing to move slowly towards him. "It's alright."
"Where am I?" demands the boy.
"To be honest, I haven't got a clue," you tell him. "But you've got no idea how happy I am to see you."
His eyes narrow. "What?"
You shrug. "I thought I'd be alone here, forever."
At his silence, you continue. "So I've been here for a month. I was sent up in this Box, like you, with a bunch of resources and... hey, they've sent more stuff," you say happily, peering into the Box.
"Alright listen man," you say. "I don't really have answers for you, but I did start developing a routine for how to live here, and I'd love for us to work together."
The boy holds your gaze for a second, before giving a single nod.
You let out a sigh of relief. "Great, wonderful. I'm Y/n, by the way." You stick out your hand to shake. "Oh- memories. Your name is all you get, everything else is gone. But hey, let's make new memories here, together." You flash a cheesy grin and clap the guy on the shoulder.
You don't know how someone conveys sarcasm in a single look, but the new guy manages it just fine.
2. Minho
"Here, this way- shit."
You turn the corner and see the wall sliding into place, sealing off your exit.
"Which way now?" asks Minho, fear evident in his voice.
"Uh- that was already my backup route," you say honestly, backing away from the closed wall. "Just follow me, we'll find another way back."
You start down a lane, moving faster now, admittedly guessing your way through the paths and taking turns on instinct, aiming for the vague direction of the Glade.
Somewhere across the Maze a Griever lets out a screech.
"Yeah, okay," you mutter. Shuck. "In here, quickly," you direct, pushing Minho ahead into a smaller lane.
"Alright, here's the deal." You squat down, forcing Minho down with you, and keeping your voice low. "If I'm right, we're close to the Glade now. There should be a right turn at the end of the path next to us now, then a left and a straight shot back to the Glade."
"What if you're not right?" hisses Minho, wincing at the Griever's screech.
"Then we're dead," you say flatly. "Cause that Griever's in the same direction we're going. By the sound of it, we'll be running the path right beside it's lane."
"What."
"Look, Minho. Do you trust me?"
He hesitates, before; "Yes, fine. Let's go."
You shoot him a grin, patting his shoulder. "Perfect. Follow me, stay close."
You run through the route you'd explained to Minho, feeling your blood chill as you get closer to the Griever, its screeches becoming deafening.
You turn to check on Minho, who gives you a firm nod despite the terror you can see in his eyes.
The two of you turn into the final stretch, separated from the Griever by a single wall, and you sprint back to the Glade, heart pounding in your chest.
You collapse into the grass, breathing heavily as Minho falls in beside you.
"What the hell happened to you two?" demands Alby, running up to you and Minho.
You sit up. "Maze changed, and there was a Griever near the Glade," you explain. "Too near."
"Bloody hell," says Newt, hands balanced on his hips. "Are you sure this was a good idea?"
So far you and Alby have been the only people to enter the Maze. Today was meant to be a beginner's run for Minho, your newest Glader and technically the Greenie even though he's never acted like it. You wanted to build a team of Runners, to see if more people could help with searching for an exit.
You look to Minho, still bent over in the grass. "Let's talk in the hut," you say, patting his arm.
"What did you think?" you ask, after you've both gotten water and a few minutes to let the adrenaline fade.
Minho flicks his gaze up at you, before dropping it. "I freaked out. I don't think I'm cut out for this Runner klunk."
You hum softly, tapping on the table Gally had lovingly built and sanded until it shone. "Do you think everyone was immediately good at their jobs?"
"Running is different," responds Minho, dodging the question.
"You were fast," you say. "I think you'd beat any of us in a race if we bothered to test it out. And you've got a level head, which is the most important thing when you're in the Maze."
You lean forward. "But you also need the guts to set foot in the Maze in the first place. And Minho, you were the first volunteer to run with me today. That's exactly the bravery we need in Runners."
You're met with silence. "If I asked you to be a Runner," you say quietly. "Would you say yes?"
"You could be asking the wrong person," hedges Minho.
"I don't think so," you say.
"I- why? Why me?"
"Because I believe in you," you say simply. "I think you could do it."
The silence stretches as you wait for Minho's response. Then; "Okay, I'll do it." He gives you a nod, expression resolving.
You sit back, a mock-thoughtful expression on your face. "I mean, I said if I asked you, this was really more hypothetical-"
"Y/n, I swear-"
You let out a laugh, and Minho rolls his eyes at you, grinning.
3. Newt
Overtime, the Gladers have grown into a wider community, with new jobs and groups slowly added.
Alby steps into the leader position and you move into your gardening job, as well as mentoring the Medjacks on the side. You tend to pick up a little of every job, passing what you know to newly formed groups until they can develop on their own.
Minho's grown far beyond what you could have expected from him, moving on to memorising routes, constructing a scarily detailed Map, and hand-picking the new Runners.
Newt becomes a Runner too, and you almost lose him.
They're some of the worst memories you'll ever have, that day Minho ran in in the freezing morning, screaming for help. The Medjack hut was finished literally a day before, and the Medjacks themselves were barely trained to patch up the Slicers. So everyone turned to you... And you were so, so, out of your depth.
You'd built a temporary brace for your own twisted ankle from your first month alone in the Glade, but for this you were completely unqualified and unprepared.
It’s been months now, with Newt slowly healing overtime. You worked with the Medjacks to set up a few movement drills, but it’s been painstakingly slow progress.
“I want to try walking again.”
You lift your gaze to Newt in the dark. “Now?”
“I wanna go outside.”
You hesitate.
“Come on, Y/n, I barely got five steps in today before Jeff made me sit down again. I’m fine, I promise.”
“You’re fine when the Medjacks say you’re fine,” you reply.
“The Medjacks don’t know shit,” retorts Newt. “They’re just making stuff up as they go. That’s what we’ve all been doing.”
“I trust them,” you say steadily. “Alby and I chose them for a reason.”
“Y/n, can you please just let me outside.”
You let out a breath. “Fine. Take your crutches.”
You don’t go far; the ground is too uneven and the crutches slip in the grass. You end up dropping them near the top of a hill.
“Here, let’s sit.”
You reach a hand out to Newt, which he thankfully takes, letting you help him down so you’re both lying back on the grass, facing up at the night sky.
“It was a good idea,” you say, breaking the silence. “I get why you wanted to come out.”
"Yeah," says Newt. He jerks his chin upwards. “The stars, they’re what I’m here for.”
You tip your head back, following Newt’s eye line. “You know, my first night here, I hadn’t built a place to sleep. I just lay on the ground like this, looking up at the stars.”
Newt shifts, moving one hand to point upwards. "I recognise most of the constellations," he tells you.
"Really?"
"Yep. That's Orion, right there. And over there is Gemini. And that star is Sirius, in Canis Major."
You search your mind for a hint of a memory, trying to call up knowledge you might have had before being put here.
"It's all bullshit," says Newt.
You turn to him in surprise.
"The stars," he says, still staring upwards. "None of them should be arranged like that, the constellations wouldn't be that close, or even in the same area, if this was real."
"Oh," you say, voice soft.
Newt lets out a flat laugh. “I don’t know why they let me keep this knowledge, when they’ve taken everything else away.”
He sits up, eyes flicking down to you. “…sorry.”
You shake your head, sitting up and turning to face him. “It’s okay. I’d rather you say this stuff than keep it bottled up.”
“Right,” says Newt. “I guess we should… get back to the hut.”
Neither of you move to get up.
“Newt,” you say. You face forward, resting your arms loosely around your knees.
”Yeah?”
“Please stay with us,” you say, voice quiet. You turn to him, letting go of your legs to gently take his hands. “We need you, I- we- okay, let me just-” You take a deep breath. “Listen, we’re gonna get out of here some day. And I want to sit with you under real skies, with real stars, so you can tell me each and every constellation you see. Cause I know your nerdy ass studied all of them in another life, and I don’t know, when we run out, we can just... make up new ones? I think that’s something I want to do with you.”
“Yeah, okay- yes. Okay.” Newt’s eyes are wet, and he squeezes your hands right back.
“And talk to us,” you continue. “When you’re struggling, or hurting, or… anything. Just talk to us, Newt. Please. We need you, and we care about you, so much.”
“I’ll try, I’m trying.”
“That’s all I’m asking,” you say.
“God, okay,” you start, after staying there under the stars for a while. “Look at us. Let’s get back in the hut, c’mon.”
You help him up, handing him his crutches.
“So, we’re trying,” you say, looking Newt in the eye.
“Yes, we’re trying.”
You get the smallest of smiles from him, and count it as the biggest win.
4. Gally
"First he breaks all our rules, then he tries to convince us to abandon them entirely? These rules have held us together for years, why are we questioning them now?"
You frown slightly, taking in Gally's words from your seat at the back of Council Hall.
"If Alby was here, he'd agree with me, and you know it."
You watch pain flicker across Newt's face for a second, before he speaks. "Let's take a break. I want Minho, Gally, and Y/n in here, the rest of you just give us ten minutes."
As the others clear out, you join the three in the centre of the room.
"Newt, this really isn't complicated. That shank broke our rules, and he needs to be punished," says Gally.
Newt sighs, and you notice how tired he looks. He needs Alby. "You're not wrong, Gally, but..."
"Y/n, what are you thinking?" asks Minho, jerking his chin at you as Newt trails off.
You raise your eyebrows. "You know I have no say in this, Min. I'm not a Keeper, or any kind of leader. I'm pretty much just here to watch the meetings."
"Seriously, Y/n?"
"Fine," says Newt. "Then suppose we're asking you as friends asking a friend, not as a council leaders or Keepers."
"I don't-"
"Just speak, Y/n," says Gally exasperatedly.
"I- alright, the idea that Newt's having right now, mine's the same."
"Well, we'd love to hear it from your mouth," says Minho drily.
"Yeah Y/n, what am I thinking?" Newt crosses his arms, lifting a brow.
You sigh. "Punish Thomas for breaking the rules, but make him a Runner."
"You can't be serious," says Gally immediately.
Newt shrugs. "They're right, that's what I was thinking."
"I'm down to train him," says Minho. "I think he'd make a good Runner."
"Good. Call the Council back in then, we'll make the announcement."
"You're making a mistake," says Gally angrily. "Tell the others without me." He storms out as the rest of the Keepers file in.
"Gally-"
"Nah, Fry."
"I got him," you say, nodding at Frypan.
"You're alright," you whisper as you brush past a stressed-looking Thomas. You squeeze his shoulder reassuringly, and he gives you a small smile of gratitude.
You shut the door behind you, chasing Gally down as he storms into his hut.
"Gally wait-"
"I don't want to hear it, Y/n."
He slams his door shut, closing you out. You sigh, and let yourself in.
"Get out of my hut, Y/n."
"Stop, Gally," you say sharply. "Just listen."
Miraculously, he stays quiet, leaning back on the wall and crossing his arms.
"I... I know you're scared, Gally."
"What-"
"Oh my god, just hear me out," you huff, rolling your eyes. "Okay, so yes, we just got attacked by Grievers, right here in the Glade. And yeah, it's probably linked to Thomas. And- yes, making him a Runner and letting him pretty much just fuck around and find out could put us in danger. ...But he's also the closest we've ever been to understanding the Maze and this whole place. I think he's the key to getting us out of here."
You sit down on Gally's bed, gesturing for him to sit down beside you. He lets out a huff, but reluctantly takes a seat.
You look him in the eye. "Gally I've been here for three years, and it's great. We've built a structure, a life, a goddamn society. But I really, really want to see the outside world."
Gally scrubs a hand over his face, dropping his gaze. "Yeah, I know, Y/n. I'm just- I'm trying to keep everyone safe. Newt and Minho are blinded by this hope, they're believing too much in one guy who's been here for literal days."
"I know, I know. But we need to take that risk, if we want to get out of here, alright?"
Gally sighs, then nods. "Yeah, fine."
"I'm gonna help Thomas, and Newt and Minho in whatever plans they make."
You hold out your fist. "Promise me you'll follow the plans we make, and stick with us. Don't... you know, make your own group and stay here and get killed, or whatever you were planning to do."
Gally rolls his eyes at you, and reluctantly brings his fist up to knock against yours, following through with the handshake the two of you used to do after building something, back when you used to help out with the other jobs. "Yeah, yeah, we get it Y/n. You've been here the whole time, you know us sooo well, you can read our minds."
You grin widely. "Damn right I can."
5. Thomas (everyone loves Y/n)
"Do you think this'll work?" asks Thomas, chewing on his lip worriedly.
"Of course it will," you say. "Have a little faith in your plan, Thomas. You don't need approval from me."
Thomas huffs out a laugh. "Thanks. It's nice to hear you're confident, though."
You raise your eyebrows, smiling a little confusedly. "I mean, I'm glad my support motivates you."
Thomas squints his eyes at you. "Y/n, you know you're like... super respected, right?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, everyone looks up to you. You don't notice the way people turn to you in tense situations and stuff? You're kinda like an understated leader, I guess."
"Ah, right." You smile at him. "It's cause I was the first person here, which I do get credit for, I don't know why. Totally underserved, Alby's the one who built this place."
"Bullshit." You turn in surprise as Minho walks in, Newt following behind him.
"What?"
"Undeserved credit, my ass," says Minho, crossing his arms. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be a Runner."
"Yeah," says Newt, coming over to your side. He props an elbow on your shoulder, grinning at the frown you send him. "And you know what," he says quietly. "If it wasn't for you, I might not even be here."
You smack his arm. "Don't even say-"
"Gally, tell Y/n we love them," interrupts Minho.
"Huh?" Gally lifts a brow, before nodding. "Yeah, everyone loves you, man. Don't take it personally. If it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't even be on board with this plan right now."
"Ugh-" you pinch the bridge of your nose.
Thomas leans in. "Told you so."
"God, let's just do the plan. Let's go, everybody out," you say hurriedly, shoving Newt out, ignoring Minho's snickers.
You stand between Minho and Gally as Thomas and Newt explain the plan to the Gladers, feeling yourself surrounded by friends; family.
Time to get out of here.
The end chapter is cheesy but I love it thank you for reading <3333
#the maze runner#platonic gladers x reader#alby x reader#minho x reader#newt x reader#gally x reader#thomas x reader#my writing
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Alex Cabot x Casey Novak x Reader SFW Fluff Alphabet
Big thanks to to @scealaiscoite for their SFW Poly Fluff Alphabet for the inspiration here!
a = affection
Is anyone more overtly affectionate than the others?
You are definitely the most outwardly affectionate. Not in a PDA sense, you just tend to be the most sentimental. You don't initiate physical touch a whole lot, but Alex and Casey both know you are down to cuddle at any time, and they take advantage of it often. Alex is the snugglier of the two, but Casey gets FOMO when you snuggle without her, so she'll jump in, too.
b = bed
What's the sleeping situation like?
California King (no twin bed! no roommates!). Casey on the right, Alex on the left. You are forever the middle spoon because (a) you love it, (b) you're by far the smallest, and (c) both Casey and Alex can feel a bit smothered after a whole night of middle spoon-ing.
c = comfort
When someone's feeling down, how do the others look after them?
When you're down, your self-esteem takes a hard hit, so Alex and Casey do their best to be extra reassuring. When Alex is down, you and Casey do your best to make her feel important and to distract her. Nice clothes, expensive dinner, all your attention all night. When Casey's down, she needs to take a fucking break. The problem is that she never wants to. You and Alex usually have to take her phone and laptop away and force her to relax. Bubble bath, takeout, snuggles, the works.
d = dates
What do dates look like? Who usually plans them, and are they individual or a group affair?
You take turns planning, but also enjoy the occasional spontaneous date. Everyone is always invited, but not everyone always goes. You have lots of things you like to do all together, like dinner and a movie or a weekend at the beach or a trip to the farmer's market. But there are things you do in pairs, too. For example, you and Alex love classical music, so you've got season tickets to the NY Phil, but Casey's ears would explode if you made her go. Alex will attend a sports event with you and Casey once in a blue moon, but mostly it's just you two. Alex and Casey love dancing, from ballroom to clubbing and everything in between. You are a truly awful dancer and have a really hard time in loud, crowded environments, so you usually send them on their way and enjoy an evening to yourself.
e = events
Who drags everyone else to their family's and friends' events?
When it comes to family, you do all the dragging. Casey's parents live in the city, so you see them at least a few times a month, and Alex doesn't talk to her dad (her mom died when she was 17). You're very close to your family, and you're the only one who has siblings and nieces and nephews. Christmas at your family's is a given, and Alex and Casey are 100% there for it. But friend events? Those are all Casey. Alex will drag you to one, too, mostly out of obligation, but Casey genuinely enjoys going out and grabbing drinks with friends and will convince you both to go with her sometimes.
f = fights
Are fights something that happen often? How are they resolved?
Of course you fight. Everyone fights. But the fights are usually civil and logical and respectful. You've got twice as many relationships to maintain in a triad, so direct communication is a priority for you all. Casey and Alex have had to learn how to tone down their "lawyer-ness" during arguments, though. At first, they'd sometimes fight you so hard–like they were in court–that they'd end up making you cry. They always felt awful and backpedaled real quick. They're a lot gentler with conflicts now.
g - getting together
How did you all get together?
Alex and Casey met at work, a slow-burn career romance. By the time you came along, they'd already been together for several years. They'd discussed polyamory before and, while neither was necessarily opposed, neither one of them had anyone else they wanted to date either. So it was very much a we'll cross that bridge when we come to it situation. They came to the bridge when you moved to the city and joined Casey's rec softball league. It was Casey who fell for you first, Casey who started inviting you out to lunch with her and Alex after softball games, Casey who cautiously, gently asked Alex how she'd feel about her dating you. To which Alex said, Yeah, of course, if it'll make you happy. But I think I kind of want to date her, too. Can we all date? Do you think she'd be into that? It turns out that, yes, you were into that.
h = hobbies
Do any of you share hobbies or passions? How do you include your other partner(s) in them?
There's a foundational understanding between you that you don't all have to enjoy the same things. You and Alex share a deep love of reading and often spend evenings on the couch reading together, snuggled up against Casey as she plays video games or watches sports. You and Casey play softball together, and you love watching sports–baseball, basketball, football, you name it. Alex will watch with you, but she's mostly in it for the game day snacks you make. And obviously Casey and Alex have a whole career/calling in common, so they talk about that a lot, but they always try to make sure you're included in the conversation, and make sure to explain patiently when you have questions.
i = in sickness and in health
When someone is sick, who's the caretaker and who's the germaphobe? Who's resistant to being taken care of?
It depends on what kind of sick. If puking is involved, Alex and Casey are on their own. You are out of there, probably staying in a hotel, leaving soup deliveries outside the door with a mask on. Any other kind of sickness, and you absolutely dote on them. Casey eats this up. She is a pitiful sick person. Alex, on the other hand, will keep going until she literally can't anymore. And even then she'll tell you she's fine, and you have to force her to rest and take it easy. You can't exactly talk, you're pretty resistant to being taken care of, too. But that's mostly because Casey and Alex have important jobs to do, and you don't want to distract them.
j = joker
Who's got the best sense of humor? Do you all like to tease and banter?
You are by far the funniest of the three of you. You love making Alex and Casey laugh. It's one of the highlights of your life. Their jobs are so serious; they can tend to be on the serious side, too. So you make it your mission to brighten their days. That being said, there's a lot of good-natured teasing and insulting that happens on a regular basis. Casey calls you asshole more than she calls you anything else, probably. Alex has a razor sharp wit which is mostly funny, but every once in a while she'll toe the line between funny and mean. She can immediately tell when she's taken it too far, though, and is quick to make it up to you.
k = knowing
Who can read their partners like a book? Is there anyone who has their walls up, even around their partners?
By nature of being incredibly intuitive, you are the best at reading emotions. The problem is that you can usually tell what they're feeling but not why or who it's related to, so you almost always think it's somehow your fault. You're working on that one in therapy. Oddly, you're probably also the hardest to read. You have walls up, though they're slowly coming down. And Casey and Alex can have tunnel vision when it comes to work, so sometimes they miss things. Of the two of them, Casey is the more open with her emotions. Alex is open with anger and anger only. She's working very hard on being open with her other feelings, too.
l = lavish
Is there anyone who really likes to lavish and show off their partners? How do the others react to it?
Alex. Alex all the way. She's proud of herself, proud of the work she does, and proud of having not one but two stunning girlfriends. She dresses you and Casey up to the nines in clothes it would have taken you years to afford. When she walks into a room with you in a tailored Valentino suit on one arm and Casey in a designer gown on the other, she just knows everyone's jealous that she's living the best of both worlds. Since neither you nor Casey came from money, you both had a hard time with Alex's generosity at first, but you came to accept that showing you off is just Alex's way of telling you how proud she is of you and how happy she is that you're hers.
m = memories
Is anyone more on the sentimental side?
You, 100%. Although Casey and Alex have their moments, too. But you're the one who packs lunches with little loves notes. You're the one who surprises them with flowers at work, who cooks their favorite dinner because you know they had a bad day. You'll pick up that book that Alex wants so bad, but doesn't have time to go get. You'll record the Giants game instead of watching it while Casey's at work because you know she'd rather watch it together later. Of course, they do sweet things for you, too. Like Alex asking you to read your favorite book to her because she wants to read it with you. Or Casey organizing a game night with the SVU folks at your house, because she knows you want to hang out with them, too, you're just much more comfortable at home. You all have your moments, but they'd both agree that sentimentality just comes so, so naturally to you. It's a gift.
n = nights
What's the nighttime routine like when you're all together?
You are a big, big fan of parallel play so, even though you usually like to quietly read a book before bed, you want to do it wherever Alex and Casey are. Alex spends an eternity in the bathroom on her skin care routine before putting on the softest, most luxurious pajamas. She fixes herself a cup of peppermint tea and curls up next to you with her own book. Casey always has "more work to do," but she'll go through case files while you and Alex read. Or she'll finish the newspaper if she didn't get to that morning. She always has a gigantic, messy collection of file folders, old newspapers, and half-full glasses of water on her nightstand. You almost always fall asleep first, and they don't stay up too much longer because "you're just so adorable" and "I can't pay attention when you look that snug-able!"
o = open
How open are you with one another?
Very. You don't keep secrets. You don't tell lies. When you first got together, Alex suggested you all lay down "relationship rules." Those were two of the biggest. It sometimes takes longer for you to open up about what you're feeling, but they've learned that it doesn't really have anything to do with how much you trust them, it's just how you process things.
p = PDA
What's PDA like with them? Is there anyone who loves it? Anyone who hates it?
Alex would full-on make out with you in public, but she knows that's not a good look for someone in her position. Also, you and Casey do not like PDA. Casey will kiss you on the cheek or put a hand on the small of your back at a party, but that's it. You might hold their hands, but you won't do anything else in front of others. Alex won't either unless she feels like someone's infringing on her territory (her territory being you and Casey). Then she gets really possessive and is not afraid to show people that you're hers.
q = quiet
Who prefers to spend their time out and about, and who likes to spend it at home?
Casey is the most social of you. She loves going out with you or going out with friends. Alex is kind of in the middle. She's very, very good with people and socializes quite a bit, but often out of political obligation (to grease the wheels, so to speak, and make connections) rather than for fun. You are a hardcore homebody. You'll go out with them because you love them, but you're always very excited when you all decide on a night in.
r = romantic
Is anyone a bit of a sap for their partners?
You. So, so you. You just truly can't believe you lucked out with these two gorgeous, strong, confident, crazy smart women. Oddly enough, both Alex and Casey tend to be more affectionate with you than they are with one another. It's not that they love each other less, but you've got a couple of theories as to why they're just a little more romantic with you. (1) You're much, much smaller than them. Like a full 10 inches shorter. So they sometimes baby you a bit. They think you're very cute. You both love and hate it. (2) They were together first, and then kind of simultaneously fell for you, so you sometimes think they see you as collectively theirs, tag-teaming to take care of you and love you. You don't mind. They're collectively yours, too. (3) You're more sentimental than either of them, so it's easier for them to be sentimental with you than with one another. But, all in all, there's plenty of romance to go around.
s = sharing
Is there anyone who's particularly territorial of their partners?
ALEX. Very possessive of both of you. Casey's pretty damn possessive of you, too. Less so of Alex, but that's probably because she knows nobody fucks with Alex. You are the least territorial, mostly because you're just glad to be there. It doesn't leave a whole lot of room for jealousy. Just as Alex and Casey did before you came along, you all have an open understanding that if someone else were to come along–for any of you–you'd be okay with one of you pursuing a relationship with someone else, too. But it seems unlikely. You're all deeply content with things as they are now and don't really see yourselves bringing anyone else in.
t = terms of endearment
Nicknames! What are the nicknames!?
Alex uses honey or my love. Casey uses sweetheart and honey and sometimes baby. You mostly use lovely, which drives both of them wild, and also honey on occasion.
u = urge
Who's the most impulsive? And who reins them back in?
None of you are very impulsive. You think things through before acting. But of the three of you, Alex is probably the one who lets her emotions get the best of her, which can sometimes get her into hot water. Both Casey's and Alex's emotions (and impulses to do something brave and stupid) run high during hard cases. Thankfully, you're usually there to talk them out of it.
v = vacations
How do vacations go? And where do you travel?
You do vacations big. Alex has a lot of money, and you all love traveling. Alex considers it her absolute joy to make you and Casey's travel dreams come true, because she knows you didn't grow up with the kind of money to make them happen. She whisks you away on far-flung vacations as often as she can. An even bigger test of her love: she'll go camping with you because Casey loves it so much. But only with the highest end camping gear. And she will not touch a fish or a fishing pole, but she'll sit in a chair and read with you while you and Casey go fishing. Your favorite vacation so far? A surprise holiday trip to Soneva Jani in the Maldives. You'd always wanted to go to the Maldives, but it was very much a pipe dream. Alex packed for you, and you had no idea where you were going until you boarded the connecting flight to Malé. You were so excited you cried a little. When you stepped into your overwater bungalow, you just couldn't contain your excitement, running around the building, staring out at the crystal blue water, and kissing Casey and Alex over and over again, saying "Thank you thank you thank you thank you!"
w = worthy
How are insecurities handled? Are any of you more self-conscious than the others?
You're the most self-conscious. Casey and Alex are just so conventionally beautiful and successful and confident. They're smart, powerful, career-driven women and you're... a dorky, tiny, androgynous little work-from-home ad copywriter. Sometimes it's hard to know what they see in you. Alex is almost never insecure because she's cocky as fuck. Unless she screws up at work, and then she needs a lot of reassurance. Casey is insecure in that she's never able to live up to her own standards, so you have to remind her often that she doesn't need to be perfect and she's doing great. Insecurities in your home are always met with love and reassurance, never annoyance or frustration.
x = xoxo
Who checks up on their partners a lot when they're apart? Do they call or text?
Casey. She'll call to check up on you at least once a day. If you're out of town, she calls you at night, too, right before bed, on speakerphone with her and Alex (or vice versa, if Alex is out of town). Alex misses you, too, but she's more likely to text sporadically throughout the day. You text or call when you see something funny or something that reminds you of them.
y = yearn
Who misses their partners the most, even just throughout the day?
You really like your alone time, so you miss them but you really like having your space (working from home is great for this). But Casey and Alex miss you. Because you're home so often, when you're not home–out with friends, spending the weekend at your parents', etc.–they almost don't know what to do with themselves.
Bonus POV: The Group Chat
Casey: babe when are you coming home 😢 💔 😭 💌 😫
Alex: my love I need you here in my arms
You: omg chill you guys i've been gone for like 2 hours!
Casey: yeah 2 hours 2 long
z = zealous
Who was especially eager in pursuit of the relationship? Was anyone more reserved?
When it was just Alex and Casey, Alex made the first move. With you, it was Casey who came after you the hardest. Alex was a bit more reserved because she didn't want to make you feel like you had to date her, too. She wanted to be sure that you knew if you just wanted to date Casey and not her, that was okay. but she really did want you. She was trying so hard to be respectful that you eventually had to ask her out. Alex, can we go out sometime? Yeah, I'll see when Casey's free. No, I meant... just me and you. I mean, obviously Casey can come, too, if she wants, but... I'd like to take you out if you'll let me.
#casey novak#alex cabot#svu#law and order svu#casey novak x alex cabot x reader#alex cabot x casey novak x reader#casey novak drabble#alex cabot drabble#casey novak fluff#alex cabot fluff#casey novak x alex cabot#alex cabot x casey novak#polyamory#poly triad#throuple#poly representation#alphabet#poly alphabet#casey novak headcanons#alex cabot headcanons#hcs#headcanons
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Don’t hurt yourself
Chapter 6 - 4:44
Masterlist
Previously chapter
Warnings: angst, smut, mention of blood, mention of infidelity, alcohol use.
Lewis POV in this chapter
Words: 4.939
“Do I find it so hard
When I know in my heart
I'm letting you down every day
Letting you down every day
Why do I keep on running away?”
August
"I open the door first. I know the apartment is clean, but I still feel afraid she'll see something. For me, the smell of blood mixed with bleach remains ingrained in every crevice of this place. I want to be able to leave, take all the good memories of this place, and go to another place to call home. And leave behind the worst thing that ever happened in our lives.
She follows me, in slow steps, still in shock.
I've never seen Y/n like this. She doesn't look like herself anymore, just a sad shell of herself. I must not be any different, I know that, but I try to pretend to her that I'm okay. Maybe if I show her that I'm confident that everything will be resolved and work out, maybe she'll believe it and start thinking that way too.
"Do you want me to make the bed for you to lie down?"
I put my backpack on the floor as I lock the door. I watch her walk to the kitchen and follow her. At this moment, the last thing I want is for her to be alone or feel lonely.
She doesn't say anything. She just walks over to the sink and pours herself a glass of water.
She doesn't look at me. The last time she looked at me, she was covered in blood, screaming for me in the bathroom of our suite. That's the last image I have of her eyes on mine, filled with panic and pleading for some kind of help.
"Did you try to wash it?"
There's so much pain in her voice that it makes me want to cry again. Only then do I realize her gaze is directed towards the laundry room. She looks at the bucket filled with liquid that has now taken on a pinkish tone. Through the water, you can see the fabrics inside it.
They are the clothes she was wearing at that moment. Regret hits me as soon as I notice her perception.
"You shouldn't have seen that. I was going to throw them away, but I didn't have time."
"Did you try to wash them?"
She asks me again, this time with indignation. I stand in front of her, but her gaze doesn't leave the damn bucket.
"I didn't know what to do. I think I was in shock. I spent hours scrubbing, thinking it would make a difference. I'm sorry."
She nods, but the movement is so subtle that it's almost imperceptible. It takes her a while to speak again.
"I don't understand. He was so small. And all that blood..." Her eyes finally leave the bucket and meet mine. She looks exhausted, more melancholic than ever, and all I want is to be able to help, but I know there's no way I can do that right now.
"How was it possible?" she asks.
I gently clasp my hands around her delicate arms, trying to lead her away from the kitchen, and she accepts, I don't think she could fight against anything right now. Y/n sits on the couch, her eyes avoiding mine on the way there, and once again, I begin counting in my mind to see how long I'll go unnoticed by her.
I sit in front of her, trying to think of something to say to ease our pain.
"I know it feels like this will never end, Y/n. But we'll get through this, we'll manage to get past it."
The laugh that comes out of her lips is weak and humorless. I stop talking when I hear the sound coming out of her lips.
"Stop it, Lewis," she says, still not looking at me. "First, stop acting like you know what's going to happen. Second, stop saying 'we' as if you've gone through half of what I've been through."
Y/n gets up from the couch as if she had found strength from somewhere within herself. I continue sitting, watching her every move, trying to process her words and thinking that it would end there.
She walks down the hallway but quickly comes back to me, looking back into my eyes.
“You know what? I think this was a terrible idea from the beginning.”
“What?”
“I don't know why I thought we would do well having a child together.” She laughs as if she really finds it funny. “It's not like I didn't know I would end up raising this child alone.”
I look at her and I know there is supplication in my gaze, I don't want her to finish talking, I want her to take back what she's already said. I know she's hurt, I know she's more broken than ever. But this hurts so much.
"You're never here, and every day you find something new to do as if you couldn't spend a damn minute standing still. It's not like you're going to change overnight. Lucky for him to have given up while there was still time, right?" She looks at me for a few seconds before turning and heading back towards the hallway. "Maybe he realized before what he was getting into. We should take this as a sign or something."
I hear the door slam at the end of the hallway. I want to get up from here, I want to go to her, I could even start screaming at Y/n now, but I couldn't. I can't move from here. The words penetrate my mind even as I fight against them.
We planned and dreamed of this, lived every moment with the certainty that everything would work out. I never thought I could hear this coming from the woman of my life, the mother of my child. And for a few seconds it sounded like a tasteless joke, the resentment of a woman who was physically and mentally very hurt, but over time the words began to make sense within me. Maybe she's right, maybe it went wrong now so that it doesn't end up going wrong later. Maybe we were blind not to see that this clearly wasn't going to work out.”
September
“The buzzing in my ear continues to be present even hours after I left the circuit. I thought the numbness would go away once I got into the car and prepared for another race, but that wasn't what happened. It cost me much more than that. Not even the one thing my happiness and motivation for years has been based on was enough to take me out of the bitter limbo I am living now.
I was cowardly to have run away, I should have stayed home, I should have made more effort to stay present and strong. But every time I look at her, it's like those endless tears and all those words that never leave my mind are a reminder of how I couldn't give her the one thing she wanted most in this world. And I have never felt so weak and incapable in my life. That's why I left, that´s why I left the most important person in my life behind that wooden door with the ridiculous excuse that I couldn't miss a weekend of racing.
I don't know why I went to Monza, just as I don't know why I went to the hotel bar when I could have waited those hours anywhere else, or why I looked at that woman as if I had the slightest interest in her.
The woman didn't interest me, just as the whisky didn't interest me, or the flight delay, or the lack of points in the weekend race. But still, I said yes to all of it.
And even though I knew I was making the biggest mistake of my life, I still felt nothing. None of it could affect me, the thick shell of apathy didn't let anything seep through my skin and make me feel anything. But I knew that this feeling of emptiness would go away at some point, and it did.
The lump in my throat appeared when I heard the door slam behind me from that woman's room. I tried to ignore it, tried to pretend like I hadn't done anything wrong. But by the time I reached the airport, that lump had turned into tears. Tears of pure guilt.
My wife taught me many things, but the greatest of them was how to be more vulnerable. She always told me to let go, that it's worse to keep things inside, that tears can turn into a tsunami inside of us and that would only make things worse. Eventually, I learned to understand and to let go. Y/n became my greatest strength and my confidant. Only her and no one else.
Y/n was like that with me too, she was not afraid to show her emotions and tell me when something was wrong. I think that's why we worked well for so long, there was no treatment of silence. Even when one of us wanted some alone time, the other wouldn't let it go until everything was resolved. But after all that, she changed, and I no longer hear anything real from her, no lamentation, anger, or anguish. All I find when I look at her is a silent sadness. But I can't blame her alone, I may also have lost interest in her tears after hearing the most painful words of my life from her. I feel ashamed to admit it, I shouldn't have taken someone's words so seriously in those conditions, but I really think she had it locked inside her, it just took vulnerability to let it out.
I thought apathy and numbness were the worst feelings I had ever experienced within me. That was until guilt appeared. The knot in my throat hardly lets me breathe and regret hits my chest so hard it seems like it wants to be vomited out of me.
Suddenly everything seems broken in a way that's impossible to fix, as I return home where my wife's imminent sadness awaits me like a tireless reminder of everything that was supposed to be but wasn't.
I wish the flight would be delayed for a few more hours. I wouldn't mind staring at the airport's white wall for the next few days if it meant not having to move on after all of this. But eventually the hours pass, and eventually I calm down and try to think better about what I did and what I can do.
Jordyn. That was her name.
I noticed that her eyes are similar to Y/n's. But I don't know if that was the first thing I noticed. I don't know if I had the dexterity and sobriety at that moment to notice something like that in the low light of that bar. But it was something that I noticed at some point.
She asked me to accompany her to the room. The movement of her hair and the soft tone of her voice also made me feel something familiar.
So I went.
And then I was sitting on her bed.
And she climbed on top of me.
And I didn't take her off.
Why didn't I take her off?
Maybe I did it out of the anger that was hidden so deep inside of me that even I denied it. Anger towards this whole situation, anger towards her even.
Or maybe I saw my wife in that stranger, it's been so long since the last time, maybe that's what it was. I wasn't apathetic or numb, I just missed my wife and found her somewhat in that woman. That's all. It's all okay. Y/n doesn't need to know, she doesn't need this added burden. It meant nothing.
It meant absolutelly nothing."
I turned off the car a few minutes ago, the sun finally appeared after weeks of cold weather in Monte Carlo. The warm rays hit the metal and the lack of air conditioning makes me sweat sitting in the driver's seat. I could turn on the car to enjoy the cool breeze, but that would further delay my trip to the gallery, which I have been trying to do for what seems like hours.
I stare at her car parked in one of the first spaces, she must have arrived early here, I wouldn't doubt that she was the first. Alessia is important in her life, she couldn't miss supporting her.
I open the door to the gallery carefully, not wanting to draw any attention. The place is already crowded, people walking around each piece of art leisurely, analyzing them without any hurry. I don't take long to find her, how could I not notice her presence when she has been and still is like a magnet to me all these years?
Her blue dress makes everyone else present seem a shade of gray. God, if she were wearing pajamas she would still outshine them all.
She doesn't notice me, talking to someone while carrying a half-filled wine glass, her smile is beautiful. She's smiling like before.
I don't need anything else, I even forgot why I came here, I could just stay here, looking at her while she smiles at a stranger and pretend that this genuine smile is directed at me.
“What the hell are you doing here?” The whisper comes from my side and I know who it is before I even turn to look. Alessia glares at me with clear anger on her face. “You were not invited.”
"I just want to talk to her, Alessia. It's been a week since we last spoke.”
We continue to whisper.
“I don't care. Leave the girl alone, get out of here, Lewis.”
“Alessia, please...”
“What are you doing here?"
She cuts me off, and I turn to face Y/n who is now in front of me. The smile is no longer on her lips, now that she looks me in the eyes and the only thing I see is at most neutrality. It hurts me almost physically, I hate myself so much for doing this to her.
“Can I talk to you?”
She sighs before nodding.
“You're kidding me, Y/n.” Alessia seems even more nervous. Y/n comes close to me and puts her free hand around my wrist, I feel good with the contact, even though I know there isn't much affection in it.
“Alessia. Let me handle this, go back to your guests. It's okay.”
Y/n's voice comes out in a whisper that I can hear clearly due to our proximity.
Alessia shrugs before moving away from us.
y/n pulls me out to the outside of the gallery, where there is no one else. She only releases our contact when she leans against the balustrade that separates the garden from the social area.
She takes a sip from the glass before resting it on top of the white plaster and turns her gaze to me.
“What is so urgent that you couldn't wait until I got home to talk?" Her voice isn't so impatient.
“You look so beautiful.”
“Sounds pretty urgent.” There's a hint of laughter in her voice and it makes me smile too.
“That's not what I was going to say. But it's true, you're by far the most beautiful woman here.”
She smiles at me. I take a few seconds to pay attention to those perfect lips curved upwards in a smile for me. Finally.
"Thank you"
I take a few minutes to say what I would like. I could have waited a few hours, but all this anxiety seems to want to kill me.
"I don't know what to do, Y/N."
His smile fades and we quickly go from a minimally relaxed moment to the anguish that surrounds us these last few days. Again my fault.
"What do you mean?"
“It's been a week. I don't know if you're looking for a decision or if we're going to stay like this forever. I don't know if I should talk to you about it or just pretend that nothing happened. I need a direction, I need you to tell me what I need to do to improve and help.”
“Nothing. I've made a decision, Lewis. I'm just trying to get used to it.”
I feel lighter hearing this. She made a decision, she didn't leave the house, didn't stop talking to me, didn't even say the word "divorce". It's like an elephant has lifted off my shoulders. I finally understand and know what's going on.
I can't hide the smile on my lips. I knew we could overcome this, knew everything would work out in the end, it couldn't be different.
"That's good." I know my smile is big.
Y/n's big eyes have always been able to show more than she would probably like, because of that, she can never lie to someone for too long. But sometimes that look seems more complex than usual and trying to decipher it becomes difficult. Even for someone who knows her like me.
"Alessia is going to Italy tomorrow. Check out some works."
She picks up the glass again and takes another sip.
“I'm going with her. Just one day, quick thing." I nod. "When I get back we can talk more about it. I think things will be clearer by then."
"No problem."
"Good." She smiles again. I could stare at that smile for hours. There's no more hurt or anger like before. The only thing I find is certainty and happiness. I can't believe everything worked out, I can't believe I have someone with me who is so good. "Let's go home, I need to pack my bags."
Y/n comes to me, her arm intertwining with mine and we head towards the exit of the gallery. Like a miracle, she seems like a different person, and all of this just leaves me with more hope.
-
I couldn't take the smile off my face since we left the salon together, everything seems better, everything seems like it will be resolved. I feel like crying with relief.
I leave the bathroom and the only thing I'm wearing is a white towel wrapped around my hips. S/n calmly selects her clothes while humming a tune, she seems focused, but looks at me as soon as she notices my presence.
She smiles. She smiles at me again.
I have to pay attention to my whole being to make sure this isn't a daydream or a lucid dream, it's too good to be true. It's far beyond what I imagined it would be.
She comes to me calmly, I don't know if I can affirm it, but I perceive a certain malice in her smile, my stomach turns with this perception.
I put my hands on her face when she gets close enough, I don't expect anything more than this, anything beyond this type of contact would be too much to imagine. All of this already seems unreal enough at this moment."
"I think we need to talk," I say. "About everything. The now, the after, you know."
Y/n nods, her hands go to my hips and delicately rest on the towel, causing shivers to run through my body.
She nods and leans in closer.
"Do you remember how we started dating? How our relationship ended up happening?" she asks.
I furrow my brow as I agree, trying to understand where she's going with this.
"I barely knew your name and I was already in your bed," our laughter echoes through the room. "I felt kind of impure but it was so good that I didn't care. I never imagined you saw me as a potential wife."
"I went crazy for you. It didn't take long for me to fall in love."
"I dreamed of a fairytale. I had it clear in my mind what each date with the love of my life would be like. I never thought I could sleep with my future husband on the first date." Her laugh makes me laugh along. "And then a bold guy appears, who knows what he wants. And above all, my perfect type. I didn't even want a relationship, but your gift of charm caught me, and before I knew it, I was hooked. All this on the first night.”
"I think it was the opposite, I was hanging out with my friends, had no intention of anything. It was these eyes, and this mouth." My thumb brushes over her features and I silently thank her permission. "I couldn't ignore it, didn't pay attention to anything else in that place, I wanted you for myself.
"And I accepted. Went to your house without hesitation.
"It was wonderful."
She nods while smiling. We stare at each other for a while, I try to hold onto this moment as much as I can.
“Lewis.”
“Yes?”
My heart beats fast, I can feel it. All my senses are sharper than usual. It's like I can feel what's going to happen.
“I want you to fuck me like you fucked me on our first night.”
I take a few seconds to process those words. A kiss would already be much more than I imagined, now reliving that night at her request?! For a second, everything goes through my mind. How did she change so much in days? How is she asking me this when not long ago, I could swear she looked disgusted with me? I feel confident and full of doubts at the same time. But there isn't much time to think when her hands release the towel from my hips and her lips meet mine.
I've been dreaming of her lips for the past few weeks as if, if I had the chance to taste them one more time, I would be the luckiest man in the world. I cling to her soft skin against mine and to all the sensations that run through me. Our kiss becomes faster almost instantly, my desperation for her makes me almost aggressive in my touches. I missed her taste, her smell, her touch on me. For a moment I thought I would never have this again. Y/n possesses something that doesn't exist in anyone else in this world, and I am the luckiest man in the world for having found it for myself.
“Y/n, thank..." I say between the kiss but open my eyes to look at her.
"No. Don't say anything, just touch me," she doesn't look at me, but holds onto me as if she wants to merge us into one.
I do as she asks, my hands wandering all over her body as I carelessly remove each piece of her clothing. And with each of these pieces, it's as if I'm also removing all the walls she built around us.
We didn't take long to get to bed. Our desperate bodies crumpling every piece of clothing she carefully placed on the bed, we don't care about that now. There is only one concern in our minds.
I descend my kisses to her breasts, staying there for some time. I can already feel my erection, which hurts for relief, but I couldn't help but savor every inch of my woman. She is like a piece of heaven between my teeth. Her sighs and low moans only make me even more euphoric. Suddenly, I don't even remember how we got here at this moment, everything seems very unreal.
I position myself between her legs, she watches me with a few strands of hair stuck to her forehead, she has never looked so beautiful. I don't take my eyes off her as I stimulate her with my tongue, feeling her arching but keeping my arms wrapped around her thighs, preventing her from moving away from me.
There's no dialogue, I could talk for hours about how grateful I am and how much I love her body, but I'm afraid of ruining this moment that seems to be hanging by a thread.
Her moans gradually increase, and I know her well enough to know when she's close. My body tenses along with hers, and I feel like I could come together with her just by watching the woman writhing under me.
"Don't stop. I'm almost there, love," she gasps in an almost scream, not taking her eyes off me except to writhe and delve even deeper into the sensation.
"Love.”
It's like the certainty hits me just as the orgasm hits her without delay. I continue to stimulate her until she abruptly pulls away, showing that she couldn't take any more stimulation.
I know she needs a few minutes, but there isn't any. S/n pulls me up as soon as I'm out of her touch. Her kiss is fierce and rushed. I'd like to say something now, but there's no room for that.
Y/n changes position and easily gets on top of me, her hand goes to my member making me gasp with the contact.
“Y/n...”
“Shhh!” She stimulates me with her hands while looking at me attentively. “You missed this, didn't you? You wanted this.” I nod. “Then enjoy it, my love. Enjoy what you wanted from me so much."
I close my eyes with the sensation. She doesn't stop with her hands, and I'm already so sensitive that I know I won't take long to come.
Suddenly, she stops, and before I even open my eyes, I feel myself penetrating her all at once. Moans come from both of us, and it's loud enough to echo throughout the room.
Y/n begins with slow and gentle movements, and I explore her body with the tips of my fingers. As time passes and excitement builds, her movements become firmer and more intense, matching the rhythm of our accelerated breathing.
My hands roam her body with desire and longing, exploring every curve and every inch of her soft skin. When I reach her breasts, my hands stop and I gently caress them, lightly squeezing her nipples while watching her face contort with pleasure.
I keep my hands on her breasts for a few seconds, enjoying the sensation of their softness and the firmness of her nipples. Then, I continue to explore her body with my hands, moving down towards her waist and beyond, as our bodies move in a rhythmic pace of pleasure. I touch her swollen clit with my thumb and start to stimulate her, her movements slow down to enjoy my touch more. It's at that moment that I pull her down, putting myself on top of her again.
My hand instinctively wraps around her neck as we join in another kiss, her hands running all over my body, and I know she wants the contact back, so I give it to her.
The thrusts are already high and rhythmic, Y/n's moans are loud and so are mine, we're both lost in the moment.
I feel her interior contracting around me and I know I won't last much longer, I quicken my movements and her moans still echo as I release inside her while our bodies remain glued to each other.
Breaths are unsteady, and take some time to return to normal. We spend all this time together, without saying a word.
Minutes pass, and her body slowly moves away from mine. The movement is so subtle that I only notice it because I still long for her to be attached to me.
“Does this mean what I think it means?"
She looks at me from the other side of the bed, her body turned towards me but there is no more contact. She lies on her side but doesn't cover herself in any way. The clothes that were supposed to go into her suitcase still lie under her body.
She doesn't answer me, Y/n smiles without showing her teeth and gives me a long peck before getting up and going to the bathroom.
"Y/n, please," I say."
She stops before entering the room and looks back at me.
"Can you calm down and let things happen? We just had a great night after a long time, Lewis. Don't ruin this."
I settle for that, even though I feel like I shouldn't. I watch her enter the bathroom and soon the sound of the shower fills the silence of the room.
I consider going back to what is now my bed in the guest room but it wouldn't make sense, not now that we've finally sorted things out. Now my place is back here, next to my wife.
The white noise lulls me to sleep before I'd like it to. I wish I could stay up all night, just to savor a little more of the sweet sensation of reconciliation, but my body is tired and I end up falling asleep earlier than I would like.
Before falling into a deep sleep, I feel her body next to mine, and if I could encapsulate this feeling, it would be my most addictive drug. I am grateful for finally being able to be forgiven as I delve into the best night of sleep in weeks.
When I wake up, there are no more clothes scattered around, or the warmth of her body next to mine. The only thing I find in bed are papers. And even before I take the pages in my hands, I already know what it's about.
My stomach churns and I feel more stupid than ever.
Author's notes: Hey, is anyone still there?? Sorry for taking so long to post. I had surgery and didn't know it would take me so long to recover. But I'm good now and ready to start writing again. We're in the final stretch of the story, hope you guys enjoy the next chapters.
I'm feeling unsure about this chapter. I didn't like it that much. I think I couldn't express everything I wanted. But I did my best under the circumstances, I really hope you guys like and understand it. Thank you❤️
Taglist:
@slafgoalskybaby, @justanormalfangirlsworld, @ravenqueen27, @nakamotosmoron, @supersanelyromantic, @maryseesthings, @bebesobrielo, @tenaciousathleteoperatorgarden, @bbhyunee, @missamericana69, @thotsposts, @neymessisstuff, @tita010, @bbhyuneee, @dangeroustacoalienbiscuit, @livingpurpose, @leilaxaliel,
If you want to be put on, or taken off my taglist, please let me know!
#au fanfiction#lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton fluff#lewis hamilton smut#lewis hamilton x reader#f1 x reader#fanfiction#smut fanfiction#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine
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That's it, Punk Rocks
Score! This is exactly the type of gag I meant last week. For this next leg of Egghead I want Oda to constantly be asking what absurd ancillary antics the Vegapunks can fill time with. Is it too lofty to note the spooky devil symbols juxtaposed with turning water into well, coffee here for a guy who might have let that death be a planned self-sacrifice to get his message out? Maybe, not like we have our series's big Biblical allusion hanging around or anything. Forget that though, I don't even like coffee and I wanna try Vega-coffee. Keep it up, dicking around like this in the background of scenes is what I want.
It's not just that I love this style of humor, don't miss that the shift in focus is revealing how Egghead has elements that fit the performance theming of WCI & Wano. "Punk" Records, a worldwide broadcast, the elements are there. It's not unlike an old anime special where the plot is protecting a final run of a play. Don't want to diminish the rest of what's going on, just this is the kinda undertone thing we've been on about the whole time. Especially when the same core threads keep popping up. Remember what we said about Buggy?
Love how objective focused the Gorosei are. Really solidifies the tone. Big Egg is still holding up which is good, makes me wonder what we aren't privy to going on in there. Still think there's a lot of potential for something truly weird to break this all into an odd direction.
Like a lot of people, pretty impressed by Samurai Gandhi's spooky horse form. he's cleaning up the Pacifista efficiently. This is quite intimidating and while Dorry & Brogy are awesome to see come into play in such a big way you gotta wonder. Sanji's giving the call to run and let them hold the line. Feel like Robonosuke evening up the 5-on-5 has potential. Hard to tell but this is all so wild.
For now though, don't ignore this is still the big themes we've been looking at since back in Wano. The Gorosei have arrived and they're tamping down the morale hit caused by infighting. Infighting that feels generated along a lot of the same lines Tama did. That, the performance, self sacrifice...I said it early on the more you build that the more it narrows down who threads the needle of all of them. That basic concept that Bakura Town still showcased a way of approaching things that would help here, that Luffy discarded some of the real growth we were seeing since hitting G5. It's all still escalating, deeply woven into this story in front of us while there's another one running in the background.
Speaking of leaving, like this panel for both the bamboo visual and uh, I guess that nut shot would hurt Brook...if he had any! Yohohoho! Glad that's resolved. But, there's an interesting mismatch between Sanji giving the order to flee and the change in focus. The Gorosei showed up wanting to stop this broadcast. It's important. Worth mentioning the only big picture idea I've talked about longer than the Grand Fleet was some kind of worldwide story. Hijacking the broadcast or continuing it to expose the Gorosei's monstrous forms? That could be a huge win for the Straw Hats. A possibility no one in play is really thinking about. The broadcast is all in the background. The enemy strategists just leapt into battle to launch their own surgical strikes, right?
I'm just saying, there's still one mystery from the end of Wano I can't help but notice could make good on the anime theme's promise. Reweave time by tying all this off the wall shit together. A more established outlet for mysteries like it was just taken off the table in the front of this chapter. We'll take on the cover serial tomorrow, but very intrigued by all of this still. Even if I don't point it out everytime, we've never left that core wheelhouse lingering just under Wano's surface.
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chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ january 2024
☆ STATISTICS.
projects worked on: The Gemini Heist. also i glanced at Andromeda Rogue but gave up on that real quick
proudest accomplishment: i uhhh drew some really cool gemini heist aus
books read: The Long Way to a Small and Angry Planet by Becky Chambers; The Blighted Stars by Megan E O'Keefe; System Collapse (Murderbot Diaries #7) by Martha Wells. i got the first one for christmas and I CANNOT RECOMMEND IT ENOUGH. the other too were really good too.
☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.
hi! i have been very scarce from writeblr lately (and that's probably not gonna change soon) but i am alive and still creating! i mostly drew this month tbh but i did get some writing in, surprisingly!
you may or may not have noticed, but i'm no longer putting my wordcount in these updates. i've realized it's just not a valid metric for me to be measuring my progress. like, just because i haven't written any words in my draft doesn't mean i didn't make progress on my wip in other ways. and it doesn't make sense to use it for things like editing or revising, where words get cut all the time.
in wip news: i'm still reaaaally struggling to edit andromeda rogue, and after tinkering with it a bit at the beginning of the month, i made myself put it aside until february. which is... tomorrow. we'll see how that goes.
in the meantime i got some progress on gemini heist!
more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.
☆ COMMENTS: THE GEMINI HEIST (draft 0)
this has got to be the messiest drafts i've ever written. my first drafts are usually somewhat clean, but this? it's placeholder city in here, i've skipped writing any kind of description, there are plot holes that i only realized existed later but forced myself to ignore for now in favour of moving forward. this is fine.
i'm not going to lie... i still don't have most of the heist figured out. i'm a plantser but i've been pantsing a lot more than planning and it feels like i'm flying blind and i'm gonna crash into a wall at any moment. this is totally fine.
not to mention, a ship i did not expect has emerged and punched me in the face, and since i have little self control, everything is even more messy, especially between these characters, and i have no clue how the hell i'm gonna resolve any of this. everything is fine. (and no, i'm not saying who is involved, but at least [REDACTED] has two hands. sorta.)
i'm having fun, though. that's what matters, right?
☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.
since i haven't really posted any writing in a hot minute, here's a slightly longer, VERY gay excerpt 😏 for context, this is right before the girls are set to crash a coronation party, and Gabi has asked Euna to help with her makeup 😌
“Thank you,” Gabi said, beginning to stand.
“It’s not done,” Euna protested, taking her wrist to pull her back down. “I still have to do your lips.”
“Oh,” Gabi said, settling back onto the bunk. She squirmed in place. “It’s not that important— I don’t want to take up any more of your time—”
“It won’t take long,” Euna promised, taking out a tube of shimmering pink lipstick. She brought her other hand up to Gabi’s face, pausing right before touching her. “May I?”
Gabi nodded, her neck bobbing slightly as she swallowed.
Euna gently cupped Gabi’s chin and drew her closer so she could see better, uncapping the tube with her teeth and spitting it out onto the bunk. Gabi sucked in an audible breath as Euna pressed the lipstick against her top lip and carefully smeared colour and glitter from one side to the other. Her hand slowed as it dragged the stick in the opposite direction along Gabi’s bottom lip, coming to a complete stop when she reached the end.
For a moment, she stayed frozen in place, holding the lipstick to the corner of Gabi’s mouth, her other palm pressed against Gabi’s warm cheek, feeling her racing pulse at the tips of her fingers.
“Is… is something wrong?” Gabi asked in a whisper, barely moving her lips.
Euna quickly withdrew both her hands from Gabi’s face. “No,” she said, groping the covers around her to retrieve the cap. “Just, ah, making sure I’d done it correctly.”
☆ TAGLISTS. let me know if you want to be added/removed to any of them.
general taglist:
@nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation @chazzawrites @bardolatrycore @innocentlymacabre
gemini heist taglist:
@florraisons @akindofmagictoo @cream-and-tea @nicola-writes @memento-morri-writes @antique-symbolism @rose-bookblood @afoolandathief @pepperdee @avi-why @zonnemaagd @chazzawrites @analogued @enchanted-lightning-aes @innocentlymacabre @kahvilahuhut @celestepens @cilly-the-writer @extra-magichours @onomatopiya @outpost51
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It's funny to see "have fun with your cult trial 3" takes. Like, do people really think everyone is here, like, let's have her start another cult. Because that's such a reduction it's funny. Also she's starting it regardless and has already moved to do so. So, like what does that have to do with anything at this point?
People will go, "Don't reduce her to abused kid." Then proceed to reduce her to her religious beliefs. Like, I'm sorry to burst any bubbles, but I don't support cults. However, there's frankly more to this situation than the voice drama or just the mv. I believe what she did wasn't wrong and how she takes that is fully on her just like with all the prisoners. The job as prison guards is to judge the prisoners sins not what they could possibly do later the sin they already committed.
That's what I want to judge above all else. If people want to take these other things into consideration, that's their prerogative, but not everyone has to. Hell, I've even taken it into consideration in specific high-risk situations. However, I'm not about to be deluded into believing this verdict will stop something that's already happening. Lol.
Cult trial three is literally just trial three at this point. If she's got one follower, she can get more. So, unless people are hoping a Guilty (Unforgiven) verdict kills her, I don't see how it's going to stop anything. The ball is already rolling. A person can either choose to chase it or kick it away. If you do the latter, just know they tend to bounce back with the same amount of force they're hit with.
Overall, it's just odd to fall back on the cult thing anyway. Taking into consideration her current state is a direct result of Kotoko's actions. If Kotoko wasn't innocent, chances are she might not have jumped anyone, and people wouldn't have needed medical care.
It's stupid to attempt to shift the blame for the outcomes of the choices the wardens made onto any of the prisoners. Because like Mu said we could have just voted everyone innocent, but people were too scared to even try that. Heck we haven't even been able to get a 50/50 for the same reasons.
It's all just so silly. Most don't even realize their part in all this either. Yet, you're going to be hard-pressed to find me regretting any of my decisions here. Because in the areas I have the freedom to do what I want, I live my life in a way that I feel will lead to regretting the least. At the end of the day, I'm gonna do whatever I feel is right to me in that moment.
Because I know when the consequences come, I can stand up and face it. So, i don't have to act under this feeling of fear of what-ifs. The very worst feeling to me is letting someone change your mind over what could happen and it going poorly anyway.
Innocent (Forgiven) or Guilty (Unforgiven) at the end of the day are words that only hold as much meaning as what the individual gives them. So, people should be able to do whatever the hell they want. If everyone only acts in fear of what could happen, we'll never know what can happen. So, until the end, I'm not going to let my resolve waver; I'm gonna vote the way that feels truest to me in a voice that is uniquely mine.
Then, when the consequences come, I can stand tall and face them head-on with the comfort of knowing I did something I believed in that I wanted to do. If I can say that at the end of Milgram, that to me would be the happiest thing.
Regardless of if the verdict I back wins or loses I want to be able to take solace in the fact I did what I felt was right. Not something I felt forced to do-
I don't want to make decisions while thinking things like "It can't be helped" or "This has to be done". That's just not the way I want to live. So, I'm gonna do my best not to live that way.
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So here's this fic/draft/s3 concept. It's waaaaaaaay longer than I meant and I'm never going to finish it. Take it from me please.
---
Metatron was disappointed in him. Aziraphale was still staring at the elevator doors still seeing Crowley there as if burned into his retinas. He felt hollow.
"I rather thought you would be able to convince him."
"I'm afraid it was foolish to try." Aziraphale could see that now, could see how the suggestion of returning to heaven hurt Crowley.
"I thought your power over him held more sway."
Aziraphale scrunched up his eyebrows and turned away from the elevator door, finally ripping his mind's eye away from the afterimage of Crowley to look at the Metatron in confusion, "power?"
"Well, yes, it's obvious he likes you. That gives you power over him."
The twisted description of their relationship left a sour taste in Aziraphale's mouth but the Metatron continued, "I'm afraid I had quite relied on you being able to convince him."
The door slid open into an equally white space. Heaven. It hurt Aziraphale's eyes but he felt sick for another reason, "what do you mean? What do you need Crowley for?"
"No you misunderstand me. It just would have been nice to get him out of the way. He is a powerful demon with a penchant for preventing the apocalypse. Well, anyway, we'll need to get you caught up for your new position." Aziraphale was hardly aware they had been walking together so focused he was on the conversation and the growing void in the core of his being but he was now aware they were in an office of sorts. There was a "desk" in the "room" and it was piled with books and folders.
"All our records. You'll need to know everything of course before you can officially take your new position as Supreme Archangel. It's a good thing you like reading."
Metatron laughed at his own joke. Aziraphale did not. A feeling of dread was starting to creep under his skin.
"Well I'll leave you to it then."
Metatron left but Aziraphale didn't move. All he could think about was the implication that heaven wanted Crowley out of the way. Since Aziraphale had failed to tempt him to heaven, would they find another way to keep him out of the way? The possibilities were too horrible to fathom.
The hollow feeling he'd had since stepping into the elevator was subsiding and quite surprisingly he found anger there. He felt used, manipulated, disrespected nd he was angry.
First it was directed at Metatron, and even a bit at Cowley, but he soon realized he was mostly angry at himself. He'd let himself believe heaven needed him. Things weren't right in heaven, even he could see that and the Metatron confirmed it when he implied Aziraphale was the only one who could fix it. Crowley's influence had made him good. Truly good, not someone who just followed along with heaven's rule, and he'd been thrilled to bring that goodness and infuse it into heaven. Make heaven good again as it was supposed to be. But… it was clear to him now that heaven wouldn't be so receptive.
Fine, Aziraphale decided, he would play by their rules for now but he would win in the end. His resolve hardened allowing him to stuff all the other emotions threatening to spill out back down. Only one thing mattered now: protecting Crowley.
--
1 year later
Crowley had taken to his snake form a lot more these days. Hell still left him alone. He was sure heaven was planning something but for the past year it had been quiet and strangely peaceful. Unfortunately, Crowley struggled to enjoy the peace. He was terribly lonely. With lack of much else to do, he'd taken to slithering around the forests of the world.
He was napping wrapped around the branch of a tree when he became aware of a disturbance. The forest quieted just slightly. Crowley opened his eyes and was drawn to the source of the disturbance immediately. His eyes met the intense stare of an owl a tree over. The gaze was somehow familiar yet Crowley was sure he'd never met an owl before.
They held each other's gaze unblinking for an indeterminate amount of time. Seconds? Millenia?
The owl suddenly tore his gaze away and launched into flight.
—
Give me Coffee or Give me Death had become a source of comfort for Crowley. There was always a table in the shadowy corner for him no matter how rarely he stopped by and Nina, Maggie or Muriel would inevitably find him there and keep him company. Despite having more friends than at any other point in his life, he still felt the ache of loneliness. He knew why but he pretended he didn't, or pretended it didn't matter, pretended he could spend the rest of eternity like this and be content. Everyone he knew saw right through him.
It had been months since he'd checked in on Muriel. He never went into the bookshop but they would meet up at the coffee shop on occasion.
On this day, Muriel looked about ready to burst, "Crowley! I have to tell you something!"
Crowley had a bad feeling, "is it about heaven?"
Muriel nodded
"Then I don't want to know."
"I think you do."
Crowley couldn't tell it was good news or bad news but he resolutely decided he didn't care, "no heaven talk. That's the rule."
Muriel deflated but still tried, "I really think-"
"No." Crowley growled.
Muriel quieted
“Tell me about your-” Crowley gestured vaguely, “Reading progress?”
“Oh! I’ve almost finished his whole collection.” Muriel had learned not to use Aziraphale’s name in Crowley’s company. It was a small price to pay for a friend to talk to. Despite all the rules, Crowley was a wonderful companion. Happy to sit back and listen to her ramble for hours about a book she was reading or a fascinating bug she saw.
“Hmm, have to get some more.”
Muriel’s eyes went wide, “There are MORE?!”
“Well, yes. Thousands I imagine. Humans love writing.”
Muriel practically radiated with excitement so Crowley promised to take then to a bookshop, a proper one that actually sold books, and let them look around. Or better yet a library.
“Even Aziraphale couldn’t collect them all- though I don’t think he’d want to. It’s more of a curated collection I suppose.” It had slipped out before he realized what he’d said. He’d been thinking about the library of Alexandria and therefore by extension: Aziraphale.
“He’s missing!” Muriel blurted out quickly. Crowley had broken the rule first so surely it was okay for them to broach the topic now.
“What.” Panic gripped Crowley’s heart but he forced it not to show. His voice was ice cold.
“He was supposed to fall but Hell never received him. No one knows where he is.”
“Supposed to WHAT?!” His angel couldn’t fall. There was no way.
“I’ve been trying to tell you! But you said you didn’t want to know!”
“And I don’t!” Crowley violently stood up from the table knocking his chair down in the process but he couldn’t move. Of course he wanted to know. His angel, his love, was missing?! Was sentenced to fall? Was he in trouble? Was he okay? Was he ALIVE? “Well?? Go on!”
Muriel looked confused by the contradiction but if they had learned anything from the romance section of Aziraphale’s bookshop it was love made people do crazy and confusing things. “I don’t know all the details, only the few things he himself told me when he came back down to the bookshop once and the rumors.”
Crowley just gestured at them again so they continued, not quite sure where to start.
“Well, you know about the second coming of Jesus? Heaven’s been working on it for some time now and Aziraphale was supposed to lead the project up. Well, most of that is top secret so I don’t know much but something happened between the Metatron and Aziraphale. Metatron is…gone now and Aziraphale was sentenced to fall but… he never made it to Hell.”
“Are you telling me that Aziraphale killed Metatron?”
“That’s what it seems like."
Crowley’s mind was spinning but really only one thing mattered, “I have to find him.”
“So you think he’s still alive?”
“Yes.” He answered without hesitation. He had to be afterall, surely if he wasn’t, Crowley would know.
“What are you going to do?”
Crowley pointed up, “Open an elevator for me?”
—
The last person Crowley thought he would ever see in heaven greeted him as the elevator doors slid open.
“Hey,” Beelzebub said as if it was the most casual normal thing for him, the duke of Hell, to be greeting people at Heaven’s door.
“What are you doing here?”
“Looking for Jesus I think? Right babe?” He called behind him.
“Uh, yeah, Jesus.” Gabriel appeared, “Hi Crowley! Where’s Aziraphale?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” Crowley accepted at this point that he was hallucinating. None of this could be real.
“He hasn't found you yet?" Beelzebub asked
"Found me? He's the one that's missing apparently."
"Hiding more like."
"You've seen him?"
'Yes, he came to us on Alpha Centauri asking for help."
"And you agreed?"
"Certainly not! But… he threatened our peaceful existence so here we are. Looking… for Jesus."
"So he's okay."
Gabriel jumped in here, "if you call that ok." He said scrunching his nose up in disgust.
"What. Do. You. Mean?!" Crowley was considering ripping his feathers out one by one if he didn't explain himself.
Gabriel seemed to sense this and retreated, returning back to the catalog of souls he'd been browsing.
"It's hard to explain." Beezlebub answered, "I'm sure he'll find you soon. He needs you."
But Crowley wasn't that hard to find. Surely if Aziraphale was looking for him he would have already found him. However this seemed to be all the answers heaven held for him so he headed back down.
If nothing else, at least he knew Aziraphale was alive. It took some of the desperate panic away but he wouldn't be calm until he saw the angel with his own eyes.
If Aziraphale was looking for him. He'd make himself easy to find. For the first time since that horrible fight, Crowley headed to the bookshop. Muriel greeted him happily.
"I'm moving in." He growled at them.
"Delightful!"
It was only a day before the angel appeared in the shop.
Crowley didn't immediately notice Aziraphale was there which was strange in itself. Typically his eyes fell on the angel before anything else but it took a second for him to realize someone was sitting in the chair.
Aziraphale was looking at him like a starving man at a feast.
"Crowley." He breathed the name and Crowley felt like his heart was mending and breaking and mending all over again. He wanted to run to him and hold him. He was still mad but he was so glad the angel was okay. He was okay wasn't he? Crowley assessed him quickly. He looked the same only… dimmer? He seemed okay. At least he was alive. The rest could be sorted out later.
Crowley considered leaving. Now that Aziraphale was confirmed to be alive he could walk out, wash his hands of it but the stubborn anger at his oldest friend felt forced when all he really felt was overwhelming relief.
"I heard you need my help." Crowley tried to act casual, "something about the next apocalypse?"
"Oh no," Aziraphale couldn't seem to wipe the smile off his face, "I've got that sorted. Well… Mostly. But that's not your concern."
"Oh… thats… good." Was he… angry that Aziraphale didn't need saving? That was stupid. "You were looking for me though?"
"Ah, no I was trying to avoid you." He admitted guiltily then quickly amended, "not because I didn't want to see you. I did want to see you. More than anything. But I rather thought, you wouldn't want to see me."
"I don't." Crowley answered quickly but he didn't make a move to leave or even look away so they both knew it was a lie.
"It's so good to see you, Crowley. I'm glad you're well."
"You too…uh, are you well though?"
Aziraphale's smile was radiant, "I am." He paused for a moment, "there's a lot to talk about and I'm afraid I don't know where to start."
They were so far apart. Crowley standing awkwardly near the door as if waiting to escape any moment; Aziraphale tense in his chair, not sure how to calm the atmosphere between them. Aziraphale stood and came around the desk. Crowley tensed up even farther. Aziraphale drew in closer, he had to touch Crowley. He couldn't have this conversation five feet away, he needed Crowley near him but he didn't know if the demon would be receptive to touch at this moment.
He reached out and took Crowley’s hand. Crowley let him but didn't reciprocate. It may have just made things worse, now Crowley's hand was limp in Aziraphale's and Crowley was tenser than before. Aziraphale powered through, "I love you."
Crowley may as well have been a statue.
Aziraphale sighed and dropped his hand. "I know I'm probably too late. I should have clarified this long ago. I thought… well I thought you knew. But… I took for granted how well we know each other and assumed… too much. I should have been clearer. I love you. I've loved you since before the beginning. Angel or demon or whatever you may be. I love you and I always will."
Crowley was looking at him again finally but Aziraphale couldn't see his eyes. He reached up and removed the glasses.
"I'm sorry." He continued looking directly into Crowley’s eyes now
A multitude of emotions flashed across Crowley's face. Aziraphale could never hope to read them all.
"I missed you dear." Seemingly starved for contact Aziraphale moved closer again wrapping his arms around the demon. He hadn't realized until he'd been away just how much he lived on touching. Being so near but unable to touch him was perhaps worse torture than not being near him at all.
The hug finally seemed to get through to him and the tension Crowley held started leaking away. They stayed like that nearly and hour. When Aziraphale tried to drop the hug, that's when Crowley responded. He fisted a hand into the back of Aziraphale's shirt and pulled their bodies tight together in a way that made Aziraphale feel breathless.
"I love you too." Crowley said, his voice slightly muffled from where his face was hidden into Aziraphale's shoulder. Aziraphale had a feeling Crowley was using this to avoid eye contact. "I guess…I guess I never actually said it."
The bell tinged above the door and in a split second Crowley was out of arms, several steps away and hiding behind his glasses again.
Gabriel poked his head in and gave a thumbs up.
Aziraphale straightened his vest and cleared his throat, annoyed by the interruption. "You found him?"
Gabriel nodded, "and you'll keep your end of the deal?"
"Of course."
"Good. Well, bye forever. Hope to never see you again and if you ever need another favor please feel free to fuck off."
Crowley bristled. How dare this prick, after everything Aziraphale risked for him when his memory was gone- but Aziraphale just replied with a rather chipper, "Noted."
He retreated and silence closed in on them again.
"Should I ask?" He was dying to know.
"I promise I'll tell you everything but… are we okay? Are we "us" again?"
"I don't know. There's still a lot to talk about."
That was fair.
"But first, you should probably tell me what's going on. With the apocalypse, with the Metatron, with you."
"I'm afraid it's a very long story."
"Then… tell me over lunch?"
Aziraphale's smile was blinding, "OH! I haven't had a thing to eat since going to heaven!"
Crowley gaped at him, "not even a snack?"
"Not even a cup of tea."
"In a YEAR?"
"Afraid so."
"Well, what are you craving? I'll take you anywhere you want. The Ritz?"
"Something more simple I think."
They ended up at a sandwich shop just down the street.
–
Aziraphale became aware they were going to try to keep him busy and find reasons to delay his promotion and he wasn't going to let that happen.
He read all the records in a day and demanded a seat at the table. Reluctantly he was granted his new position after only a couple of days of jumping through hoops. He started making changes right away. He demoted angels who used their power to degrade others and promoted others who exemplified kindness. However, Metatron operated the second coming plan behind his back as much as possible.
Aziraphale built up allies and was able to uncover the truth.
Jesus' second coming had been misunderstood. It was generally thought he would return and judge all the humans, sorting them into heaven or hell and essentially ending all life on earth. This was a misinterpretation. Jesus was meant to judge all Angels and Demons and dismantle Heaven and Hell.
When Metatron discovered this, he quickly tried to hide it. He plotted to destroy Jesus and replace him with someone who would do his bidding. However, Jesus' mission fell nicely in line with Aziraphale's own. Most angels didn't like the idea of dismantling heaven but it came straight from Jesus, the son of god, practically the embodiment of Her will. Metatron held less sway and the angels' unwavering faith in the Plan meant support for Jesus even if it meant the end of them.
In an act of desperation, heaven cast a miracle to hide Jesus from the Metatron. Unfortunately, this had the unintended consequence of hiding him from all of heaven.
Metatron became desperate after this. He tried to take back heaven by taking out Aziraphale. He gathered the allies he had left and waged war on Aziraphale and his followers. A civil war broke out in heaven.
In the end, Aziraphale had no choice but to kill Metatron. It was a fatal act as even his most staunch supporters believed this action deserved the fall. Afterall, killing another angel, especially one as important as Metatron, couldn't go unpunished. He was pushed out of heaven.
"You're not a demon." Crowley announced.
"I'm not really sure how it happened either."
In a second. Crowley miracled them into the empty bathroom and locked the doors.
"Show me."
He hesitated
"I can tell something is different. Just show me."
Aziraphale unfurled his wings. Instead of pure white, they were a muted warm white with brown stripes. They were familiar
"The owl in the rainforest. That was you."
"I needed to make sure you were okay. There had been talk during the civil war of capturing you to use against me."
"Oh." Crowley remembered just how peaceful his life had been this past year. Had Aziraphale been quietly protecting him the whole time? His chest panged with regret. He'd been lazing around, moping, doing absolutely nothing but feeling sorry for himself while Aziraphale waged war in heaven. For the first time since he watched his angel leave on a heavenly elevator, he wished he'd gone with him. Damn his attitude about heaven and his hurt feelings and all the other things in the way, Aziraphale had had an adventure without him and it hurt. It hurt to know he hadn't been there to support him. He was so mad at himself for not being there. Even if…even if Aziraphale didn't need him, he still wanted to be there, by his side. But now there was a whole year of his life Crowley would only know from stories and he hated it. If things had gone differently, he could have lost him forever and never known.
Sure, they'd been apart longer before, lived their own lives separately, had their own adventures. But not usually by choice. He'd chosen to let Aziraphale handle heaven on his own and he thought it had been the right thing because he was right about heaven but he hated himself for it.
"Is it that bad?" Aziraphale asked, tucking his wings closer to his body self consciously.
"No!" Crowley assured him quickly. Reaching out to touch them. "You're beautiful. Always."
"Oh." Aziraphale twittered happily at the compliment and Crowley decided he needed to do that more. Like a lot more. Aziraphale deserved to know just how gorgeous Crowley found him at all times.
"but.." his chest ached at the thought of aziraphale falling, "but what are you?"
"Well, I don't really know. Near as I can figure I only half fell. I have an animal form like most demons but I also still have…at least some of my divinity."
"Are you…happy like this?" Because that was all that really mattered
"Oh yes." Aziraphale smiled shyly, "I rather think I am." He tucked his wings away fully, "you're not…mad?"
"Oh I'm furious that anyone would think you deserve to fall-"
"No I mean…" He couldn't seem to articulate his thought, he gestured a lot before forcing more words out when Crowley failed to understand, "because you fell. Even though you didn't deserve it but by some Miracle, I didn't. Not fully. It doesn't seem fair."
Oh, Crowley hadn't considered that. He'd never really thought he didn't deserve it. He'd certainly thought it wasn't fair and even that it was a stupid reason to fall but he'd deserved it. He wasn't a good angel. He didn't trust the Plan. He didn't have faith. He'd never in a million years considered that Aziraphale thought him falling was unjust. It was a bit… flattering…maybe? It certainly put some things into perspective for him. He didn't know how to respond. Really all he wanted was to hug the Angel who believed in him so fiercely. So he did.
Aziraphale accepted the hug happily even if he didn't understand what inspired it. Touches between them had been rare all throughout their history and Aziraphale craved them more than the strawberry cheesecake he hadn't gotten a single bite out of before Crowley had transported them here. In a rather cramped and dirty bathroom. On second thought the hugs could wait.
"Now, I believe I was prematurely whisked away from dessert." He huffed.
Aziraphale's return to his usual manner set Crowley at ease and he grinned, sending them both back to the table.
Aziraphale continued his story as he ate,"So after that, a lot of angels and demons too, once the news spread to hell, started fleeing. I don't imagine it matters much if they stick around or not. As for Jesus, I needed a demon to find him since he'd been hidden from heaven and all its denizens so I asked Beelzebub-"
"Why not me?"
"Oh well," Aziraphale fidgeted, "I didn't think it would be a welcome request."
"Ah," it probably wouldn't have been, Crowley had to admit, "what did you promise them?"
"Immunity. They want to live out their immortality on Alpha Centauri.
"Is that something you're able to offer?"
"I stripped them of their titles. They'll just be two immortal beings hanging out in space, not denizens of heaven or hell so they should be left alone."
—
They both moved into the bookshop together after that.
Jesus was already making progress and, once they learned what the process entailed, many angels and demons were queuing up to be seen by him. Everyone had a say in the final form they would take but the vast majority of demons picked the animal they were already associated with. Many angels were turned into doves or other birds.
Muriel had queued up in line rather early, having always believed in the Plan and therefore having no reason to fear him. They burst through the doors to the shop announcing proudly that they were to become human.
They were really excited so Crowley tried to congratulate them but he wasn't sure it was a great idea. After all, they were so naive and had no one to look after them. "Are you sure you'll be okay? On your own?"
"No silly I won't be on my own! I'll have parents. I'm going to be born as a little human with real parents." They were entirely enthralled by the idea.
Well that was better but still he worried for them. He had grown quite fond of Muriel in the time he'd known them. He may be a demon but he decided right then he was going to be their guardian angel.
So Crowley and Aziraphale spent the next 97 years watching over them. Remembering Nina and Maggie's talk, they didn't interfere with Muriel's human life too much. They just made sure they were safe and that they always felt loved.
–
There were millions of angels and demons to sort through and Jesus took his time. He sometimes spent as much as a week with a being before granting their final form. Aziraphale and Crowley figured they had a couple thousand years before they had to worry about it, so they didn't.
They took to their animal forms and traveled the forests of the world. Crowley showed Aziraphale all his favorite views. They ate at every restaurant. Watched humanity evolve and change. Spent peaceful decades just enjoying the domesticity of the bookshop which never changed except by being cut off from heaven. They bought a cottage in the middle of nowhere for when city life around the bookshop was too noisy. They danced and went for rides in the Bentley. They spent sunny afternoons drinking wine and reading and chilly nights drinking wine and stargazing. And they talked about everything.
It was another 6,000 years before they started to wonder if something had gone awry. Heaven and hell were no longer accessible. They hadn't seen another angel or demon in thousands of years.
"Do you think he forgot about us?" Crowley asked.
They were laying side by side on their cottage roof looking at clouds. Aziraphale hummed indifferently, "I'm sure we could find him if we wanted to…" he turned towards Crowley to look him in the eyes (Crowley never wore those glasses anymore) and placed a hand on his chest, "do you want to?"
"Er, no." Crowley admitted. He was perfectly happy.
Aziraphale hummed in agreement, "we'll see how we feel in another 6000 years."
--
End
#this is mostly because im stick of people saying Aziraphale is wrong to go to heavrn#for all you know him being supreme archangel will be INSTRUMENTAL in stopping the apocalypse#my writing#fic#ineffable husbands#good omens 3#concept#good omens#this is garbage#this isnt how i actually think s3 will happen btw#just stuck in my head#and i wanted to write
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Two dialogues that haven't left my mind since the season finale.
I'm still surprised at how much space Carlos and his family history got in the end, although I still think Gabriel's death is controversial to say the least.
But they tried to show in two chapters how Carlos "thought" he knew his father, but he didn't.
I wish this story had had time to develop more because it was a really good direction to take, but then again, you can't have everything in life right? We'll have to accept that Carlos will have to mature all these ideas without having his father around.
The first dialogue that caught my attention was this one, where Andrea talks to Carlos to try to show him that his father is worthy of respect and admiration.
She uses this sentence above to imply that Carlos doesn't know Gabriel as well as he thinks.
Then we have this scene where Carlos goes to his parents' house, to try to resolve the uneasiness of the last conversation with Gabriel and to invite him to be his best man.
The dialogue clearly shows that Carlos hasn't been interested in his father's life for at least a few years, since he doesn't know that he's been doing puzzles with Andrea and trying to take better care of his health.
My opinion is still that the biggest weight of the mistake is on Gabriel's side because as he himself mentions, he never gave a list of things he did for the Rangers while Carlos was growing up so his son would know his side as a person who fights for diversity in the organization and will have pride of the father.
Then I found myself thinking about Carlos' age. In Gabriel's recording that Carlos found hidden, the year 2003 is mentioned. The little Carlos who appears in the recording was what? 7 years old? Maybe a little less?
Therefore, we can conclude that Carlos is currently between 27 and 29 years old.
He told TK that he came out to his parents when he was 17. In the conversation about children with Andrea, Carlos mentions that he has been having a closer relationship with his father for only two years.
So we can conclude that Carlos and his needs were ignored by his parents for approximately 12 years.
This man who worked in his own organization to ensure diversity, did he ever find it strange that his son never introduced him to a boyfriend? He never thought to ask? For 12 years?
Look, I'm not trying to demonize Gabriel here, I am also mourning his death, but just to rationalize the weight of what was shown.
There would be so much space to work on the development of this father-son relationship that my grief is much more for that than for Carlos' suffering. Yes, it broke my heart to see him so devastated by his father's death, but he was certainly so mad precisely because he had so many unresolved issues that he would never have the chance to resolve.
Yes, I agree that our real life is also like that, when we hold a grudge, sometimes we don't have time to take it back before life knocks us down, but I hope that the next season will work on healing Carlos in that sense, of the understanding that yes, he made a mistake, he moved away from his father, he could have reached out a hand and reduced the distance, but he needs to understand that this is the responsibility of the parents and that he should not carry this guilt alone, as if the universe were with him punishing him for not having fought harder to know his father for real.
I know that Gabriel's death will not stay unresolved. One way or another, Carlos will be brought back to this plot, either through himself in search of a solution (maybe revenge?) or through some event that will end up leading him to solve the case.
I also know that the show is a procedural that doesn't work as deeply into the psychological aspect of the characters, but it would be nice to at least hear the mention of Carlos going to therapy to make peace with the way his and Gabriel's relationship turned out.
I also hope to see more of Andrea and how the two adjust to the new reality, I would like to see them support each other as we saw in the last chapter.
Anyway, sorry for the giant text, but these two scenes couldn't get out of my head and I'd like to talk about this parallel that tried to show that Gabriel was a better man than Carlos could have thought. Even if it hurts to think about the wasted potential of all the dialogues and situations that could happen.
And I will never forgive the show for not giving us an investigation where the two worked together, so Gabriel could get to know more of his son as well.
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OK, I have a couple hours for Baldur's Gate stuff so here we go back into Hector's story. (As always, the tag to block is "#bjk plays baldur's gate 3", should you wish to.)
We left off having just completed the arduous task of convincing a grown woman not to torture a little girl with a snake, followed by some conversations with our companions that revealed they have Secrets. Hector is feeling sadly ill at ease with his accumulated companions right now, as all of them seem to be hiding something with the POSSIBLE exception of Wyll.
But they're what he's got and it's much better than dealing with all this madness on his own. So on we press.
Our two main plans at the moment seem to be: convince Kagha (the aforementioned woman with the snake) to not send the tiefling refugees packing into the wilderness, and find Halsin, the druids' actual leader, who is apparently a considerably nicer person and also might be able to help us with the tadpole problem.
Lae'zel also wants to talk with one of the tieflings about the possible location of a nearby githyanki creche, but Hector's irritated with her at the moment so we'll come back to that.
I guess we'll talk to Kagha again, see how that goes, and then go looking for Halsin.
"Go on, say it. You think I'm a monster."
I'm not sure Hector would have put it in quite those words, but he's sure unimpressed with how she dealt with the tiefling girl. He speaks equivocally, however, not being interested in making a direct enemy of this woman just yet.
[MONK] "Your iron will is impressive - if a touch inflexible."
She scowls. "You speak in paradox. I care not for steel, but I know if it bends - it breaks." She clenches one fist fiercely. "I will not allow this grove to be broken." Shaking her head, she looks away from him, back at the other druid standing behind her watching the exchange. "I took back the idol of Silvanus and the rite has resumed. We will seal the grove - free from harm, free of *intruders*."
Hector sighs. He honestly respects her dedication to the protection of that with which she is entrusted - he doesn't blame her for that. But the lack of compassion, of charity...he can't support it.
"Zevlor believes his people will perish on the road," he points out.
"And mine perish if he stays," she snaps back. A pause, and then her expression shifts, and she musters a smile that seems as if it might be an attempt at being ingratiating.
"You showed great mettle at the gate - the mettle of a skilled sword for hire," she says, more smoothly. "I want you to provide your services to Zevlor. Offer to guide the outlanders out of the grove. I'm sure they'll reward you well. They're to be gone before final prayer. If they are not..." The flint edge flashes back into her eyes. "The viper must strike."
A skilled sword for hire? Before the nautiloid, Hector would never have even considered the need for fighting to kill, let alone to do so for money. But she is right about one thing - their little desperate band has enough skills between them to potentially be of help to the refugees, if this hard-edged, unbending woman will not stoop to support them.
"Then it seems I'd best speak to Zevlor," he says wearily. He is still holding out hope that they might find this Halsin and bring him back to resolve the issue, before such an escort would be necessary. But giving the refugees some hope is a good choice regardless.
"You will do more than speak," she sneers coldly, turning away. "This tale ends but one way - with the outlander rot cleansed and the grove forever shrouded."
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Hiya, saw this video on tiktok about st being queerbait, im only on s1 can you tell me if its actually queerbait?
well . that's a bit of a complicated question and it all depends on how v2 and the last season decides to end things. what we do know for sure is that there are queer characters (robin, lesbian and will, gay) and they each have their own romances going on (robin and vicky, though that may just be a throwaway reference in contrast to steve's romantic struggles, and will and mike, the latter i'll speak to more).
i wont spoil you of the story, as i still believe s2 is the best and though i personally dislike s3 and s4 isnt finished yet, they of course each have plenty to contribute to the story of stranger things. now, the claim that st is queerbait is an interesting thing. queerbaiting occurs not just in the context of the show's characters but the people involved in it is as well. from actors to directors, to writers and producers, everything that goes into telling and marketing a story that puts emphasis on a queer romance between two characters that never resolves—or resolves in the direction of denying either character being queer, is queerbaiting.
right now, there is explicit tension between will and mike and the development of their friendship. s4 has pretty much deliberately shown us that any previous readings people had about will's sexuality and in particular, his crush on mike, are true. mike on the other hand, well, that's far more up to interpretation than will, but i'm firmly biased in the direction of mike being closeted and s4-5 showing us him coming to terms with his feelings.
the queerbait here would be between mike and will because the show has given us a lot of evidence that will's feelings are real and that even mike's are too. st4 really hammered that in imo, and you can tie that in with the promotions for the show—the interviews cast has given that include talk about mike and an emotional monologue, mike kicking into gear when someone he loves is in danger, will having a crush on someone in the party, etc etc . it doesn't make any narrative sense for this duo to not be a reciprocated crush. if they arent, despite all that's been said and done between the writing, the parallels mike and will have in comparison to other romantic "endgame" couples, the interviews and vague hints, then that would be queerbaiting.
but until it is set in stone that the story will essentially shoot itself in the foot by ignoring mike and will's unique, different, special, honestly romantic relationship, i don't think this is queerbait. but i can see how one might say it could be . but we're not there yet . we'll see in july for sure once everyone's reunited.
#yams answers#anon#byler#its not even about being overly confident or pessimistic#if you just LOOK at the way mike responds to will vs el and the way he treats them both#even if hes an ass to each of them the way he comes back from that is different and speaks VOLUMES#nothing anyone can say will erase that fact and the decision that the writers and editors left those reactions in the final version of#these episodes
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ok it's really interesting is it used to be very acceptable and even admirable for young women to have close 'romantic friendships' involving sleeping on the same pillow and writing love letters to eachother and kissing and like, it was assumed not to be sexual but it's a level of closeness that would get 2 men accused of homosexuality instantly. however the main catch here was that they would be expected to eventually give this up and marry a man in order to support themselves like the behaviour was permissible but the long term refusal of men wasn't.
but then in the later 19th century women's colleges started to be a big thing and middle class women were more accepted into the world of work, and that's where you get these Boston marriages of two educated women who are usually both working or else involved with suffrage, social reform, union activity etc. and these were lifelong commitments where two women kept a house together and never married men or had children and it was a very explicit rejection of domestic life.
and THAT is when the idea of lesbian sexuality started to become pathologised and distrust of women being too intimate arose. and it was connected to their refusal to be housewives and mothers but it was also connected generally to the idea that educating women was warping them and destroying the general population of [white] women and thus the future of the race, as well as the fact that connections between women formed at women's colleges were allowing them to a. support themselves independently of a man and b. enter into previously male dominated worlds like medicine and academia.
so if was not really a specific rejection of sexual and romantic activity between women at all, but the fear that women's intimate connections with eachother was loosening the patriarchy's grip over them. some boston-married women were certainly lesbians, but some also seem to have been heterosexual women who just didn't want to give up their career and independence for a lifetime of domestic drudgery, and preferred having someone they weren't romantically attracted to as a close companion over someone who would never see them as an equal.
anyway i think this is really interesting regarding my view that lesbian emancipation is very closely intertwined with women's emancipation in general; if lesbians arent liberated it is also indicative of the status of women in general, and lesbians can never be free except when women are free. I think it's so interesting how the mainstream gay rights movement really flounders regarding lesbianism, because whilst gay men are able to proceed by challenging misinformed prejudice against gay people simply because they're different, lesbian identity is in much more direct conflict with the patriarchy in a way that can never be resolved without dismantling the patriarchy.
society doesn't actually have that huge of a problem with seeing two women holding hands. sweeping away that surface level ignorance the way the modern gay rights movement does ends up just highlighting how much further we have to go, and i don't know that we'll actually make much more progress at all with the gentle "respect people that are different, love is love<33" approach tbh.
im honestly disheartened that the more visible lgbt people become, the more lesbian identity is handled with gloves on, and the less gnc lesbians are centred in our community. this is NOT me playing oppression olympics or minimising the homophobia faced by gay men and bi people, and I haven't even attempted to incorporate the overlap of race and transphobia into this post bc that would become endless and also not my place to elaborate, just my specific observance of the way the current mainstream lgbt movement is failing lesbians. that's not to say it isn't also failing other groups in other ways!!!
#long post#sorry im rambling but like yeah#I feel like i could say this so much more clearly butim just always thinking abt how like#a lot of ppls attitudes towards lesbians r really their attitudes towards all women just that we have a spotlight on us as#particularly failing to fulfil our purpose#like. the patriarchy is hurting all lgbt people and dismantling it would benefit all lgbt people#but some privileged gay men have found a way to like collaborate with the patriarchy instead of aiming for universal liberation#in a way thats like literally not possible for lesbians to do
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Hi! Just wanted to know what you think Charles' route will be alll about, and how would the Ikevamp lore continue from there? Do you think we'll get an Act 3 or more suitors? I absolutely love reading your interesting insights and hearty theories! They're food for my simping soul ♡(> ਊ <)♡ please forgive my fangirling..
Hihi!!! You’re much too sweet, thank you!!! 💛💛💛 you’re always free to simp and fangirl here, haha~
I'm happy to answer as best I can, though honestly I'm not 100% sure given the main story routes all range--both in terms of topic and larger narrative impact. My guess is that it will likely be about Charles' history as somebody who took part in the French revolution, namely his role as an executioner. In line with that, I would address two lines; one from Mozart, one from Dazai.
Mozart in relation to Charles says "I remember that name..." and Dazai says that "He is a young man with many secrets." I think they both speak to a larger consideration with Charles, which is that he is both a famous historical figure but also one that trails so much blood behind him? This is a man who killed people for a living (and in droves), despite being a medical doctor. There is going to be an inevitable mental dissonance that comes with that dichotomy. His life aspiration was to help and heal people, and instead he was called to murder them indiscriminately (and often for reasons that were openly unjust). Much of his energy and disposition feels like a kind of mask; it's intended to disguise what's truly lurking beneath the surface. When people are convinced they're unsightly or monstrous, they can very often overcompensate with buoyant behavior and positivity. Dazai’s main story really felt like it was hammering this concept home, considering Charles’ insistent cheer directed at MC (yet showing Dazai and Faust a great deal of darkness.)
Interesting too, now that I think about it, because there is a kind of foil mechanism that comes with making Charles the antagonist of Dazai’s route. I didn’t realize it until now, but they both hide their secrets--and the true nature of some of their uglier feelings--with a kind of forcible levity. The difference here lies in the state of their baseline energy, the form by which it is expressed. Dazai is one to joke around and make light of (often serious) things, but he does it to a point of absurdity and mild outrage. He has a kind of desire to be chased out the way I understand him (because being chased out means he can leave and avoid the pressure of being real). If he’s not seeking to be chased out, he wants the person to smile/laugh at his blunders. He’s a mood-maker just as his description entails, and as such his goal is always the regulate/influence the emotional tone of a group in a positive way.
Charles, by contrast, avoids transparency by bouncing around and pretending like nothing really gets to him. He’s forthright and bold, but his desire to have fun belies the reality of who he is and who his master is. The impatience, the burning envy that dwells within remains to be seen--and only makes an appearance in flashes. It begs the question as to what it is he’s trying to avoid moving at that speed, as his increasing velocity means a lowered scrutiny and self-awareness (one that limits him just as much as it enables him to keep going). Furthermore, he has some notion of regulating the mood of the group in that he’s often the one who lowers tension between Vlad and Faust with his upbeat attitude. However, I would argue that it isn’t nearly as powerful as Dazai’s fixation with it; when Charles is upset or wants something, he will not hesitate to put his personal needs first (or demand them, even). Dazai does not seem to have this same audacity generally.
There's also the question of what Charles is hiding, other than the obvious historical information we have. I get the feeling something is lurking behind his desperation to believe in the future Vlad wants to create. Maybe it's some desperate wish to atone for what he's done. Maybe he raised that guillotine under some kind of misguided belief that he was restoring the world to order. We believe outlandish things to survive sometimes, and I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case for Charles. I’d like to see just what it is that makes him tick.
That being said, that doesn't always free us from the truth of what we've done. Sooner or later we're forced to confront and come to terms with it. Dazai's main story (for a short time) forced him to face that gaping maw of trauma, and it was very clear he was not in the slightest bit prepared or able to cope. So there is the question of--if MC confronts him with that--what he will do in response.
I also wouldn't be surprised if he's among the bolder suitors, seeking her affection and body with more insistence than the boys of the mansion. It remains to be seen, but given the impression I've received from him and the rest of the trio...(a note of caution to people uncomfy with that).
I'm interested to see where Charles will go, in that I'm not really sure if he'll skew to the yandere side or the lowkey wants to help people side. He has every potential to become increasingly demanding of MC’s time and attention, trying to monopolize her as much as possible. Burying himself further in denial, never questioning his master. But he also has a kind of hearty maturity at his core that might result from his life experiences, where he acknowledges what he's done and just tries to do the best he can moving forward.
If the latter happens, there is the very real question of what happens with his relationship with Vlad--which is part of the reason I have my doubts about this possibility. In the infamous (and paraphrased) words of Mulaney(? I think it was) "if this is gonna happen Vlad is gonna need to become suddenly cool with a lot of things very fast" LMAO. I don't really see Vlad ceding his control over Charles' mind easily, and I don't see him satisfied with a future of Charles' autonomy. But then, who knows? I may very well be proven wrong
I'm also curious about Charles’ pronounced interest in Comte, this kind of hope for reconciliation. There's a very real chance that could be a focal point, in that Charles wants there to be mingling between the two houses. There are also a lot of problems with this sort of theory in that it would likely require A LOT of development/time to bridge that gap if it was ever bridged, and I don't think Comte would accept anything less than Vlad agreeing to cease and desist his assault on humanity. This potentiality might be more probable for an Act 3 story progression, now that I think about it.
As for Act 3, I'm really not sure who will or won't get one. The only storyline that has been left openly/grossly unfinished is Comte's to my knowledge, largely because of the agreement they made? In all the other routes, there isn't much of a whisper about her turning into a vampire. (Vlad turns her at the end of his route I’ve heard, and as for Faust I don’t know--but I haven’t seen any signs that he would demand it of her so far.) Comte hesitates--but he has every intention of doing it when they feel the time is right. So there's the question of when or how that will happen. In a bday story? In an event story? Act 3? Dunno
I also wonder about how pureblood society and vampire hunters might come into play, but given they exist on the periphery of the game I don’t know if it’s as safe a bet as Comte vs. Vlad continuing their ideological battle.
As for the suitors in general, there is always the potential of antagonist intervention in Act 3? Maybe they heckle their happy ending or throw the relationship into some kind of turmoil, though I'm not sure exactly how that will work since most of the routes end on a pretty resolved note? There's also the reality of all the rivals being murdered in cold blood after their duels. So like ???? Really depends on the direction Cybird wants to take. Expand on the relationship, create new issues/threats--or make Act 3 a more large scale story progression.
There’s also the possibility that the story is expanded by hinging on the timespace complications. If Vlad saw a desolate future, what does that mean for everyone? Will that come to pass--and if so, when? Will he be supported or stopped? What will that entail? Maybe Vlad sees that the desolate future was the product of his own megalomania. Maybe Vlad turns out to be right and drastic action needs to be taken before it gets that far. Whatever the case, I’m interested to see what narrative avenue Cybird will choose.
As for more suitors, I really have no idea given I haven’t seen so much as a whisper of what comes after Charles. I think my best bet would be potential pureblood suitors (maybe the product of Comte/Vlad story continuations), or more roulette famous figures in line with Vlad’s machinations to thwart the suitors. If Michelangelo comes back and throws hands with Leonardo, I will veritably lose my entire mind
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp meta#ikevamp charles#ikevamp dazai#ikevamp vlad#ikevamp comte#i hope this helps!#there are a lot of story threads cybird actively follows and many they abandon so#it can be pretty hard to tell what they'll choose#i will say that comte's events have been an interesting build-up#and i'm surprised because he's not really the title character of the game? I find usually napoleon/arthur/vlad tend to get more attention#but honestly comte seems to be the only act 2 character who gets a sizable amt of content alongside vlad (as compared to dazai/shakes/seb)#comte is the outlier in terms of steady narrative progression and consistent development#it makes me wonder if they intend to expand on it because of his conflict with vlad and his promise to mc--which allows for room to write#vlad is an obvious contender in that so much of his stance/presence in the game is about the future and how it will play out#his obsession brings with it the question of what it all really means and how it will be resolved in the end#they're probably the most likely contenders for act 3 given the larger tone of their events and room for development at the moment#man if it turns out some pureblood rando was messing with timespace and vlad and comte have to team up#i will literally laugh myself to death#anywho those are my thoughts! hope it was engaging <333#and sorry if my simping got in the way (I try not to be biased HAHA)#💛💛💛💛💛💛#rambles#not incorrect quotes
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Maybe Hotch Was Right
Summary: Spencer and Reader don't get along, but things change when Spencer finds him during a personal moment.
Category: Angst/Fluff SpencerxMale!Reader
Content Warnings: homophobia, cursing, kissing, crying
Word Count: 1.4k
A/N: This was written for @imagining-in-the-margins's August Enemies to Lovers challenge, and I didn't procrastinate till the end of the month! Look at me go!! Anyway, I hope you enjoy my gay writing.
Y/N was the most insufferable person I knew. He was full of himself, he thought he knew better than anybody else, and he always had to be right. It infuriated me. It wasn't that he wasn't smart; he was. Incredibly smart, in fact. It was just that he had to make sure everyone knew it, and he'd rub it into people's faces all the time.
It didn't help that he was cute, too. If he'd been ugly, it would have made it so much easier to hate him. But he had these eyes that just drew me in. And that smile! Oh my god, that smile. If only he wasn't such an asshole.
He was nice enough, I supposed, just an arrogant prick. But everybody else liked him, and that just made my hatred for him that much worse. Why couldn't anyone see what he was doing? He was playing them all like a fiddle, but I wasn't falling for it. I knew that underneath that grin, he was just a self-consumed smartass.
He had been a thorn in my side throughout this entire case, too. Hotch kept pairing us up in hopes that we'd realize that our feud was uncalled for, but Y/N was just as stubborn as I was, if not more. The last straw had been when Hotch assigned us to the same hotel room.
"But Hotch," I whined, praying he'd have mercy on me and let me stay with Derek instead. "I won't be-"
He cut me off with a hand raised to my face.
"This isn't up for discussion, Reid," he warned. "You are sharing a room with Y/L/N, and if I need to, I won't let you out until you make up over whatever this stupid argument is about."
I rolled my eyes. Was he really treating me like a child right now? Still, I knew arguing would get me nowhere.
"Yes, Sir," I said in defeat before heading in the direction of my room.
Y/N was already in there, and I dreaded having to enter. With all the courage I could muster up, I opened the door and stepped inside.
It was dark except for the faint light coming in through the window, and I heard some sort of noise. A sniffle maybe? Was he... crying?
As the door closed behind me, I heard him scramble to hide whatever it was that he was doing. I mentally cursed myself for intruding on such a personal moment, even if I did hate the guy's guts.
"Are you, um, are you okay?" I finally asked after ages of silence.
I heard another sniffle come from his direction.
"Why would you care?" Y/N spat.
I approached slowly.
"Well, you're crying and-"
"Oh so now that I'm crying you suddenly care about me?" I stepped back again. "You don't have to pretend to give a shit just because I'm upset. You hate me, and I hate you. Let's just keep it that way."
I took a deep breath and resolved to sit on my bed, facing away from him. If he was going to be like that, I didn't want to deal with him. I closed my eyes and started going over the Fibonacci Sequence in my head to pass time.
"My parents found out that I'm gay," I heard his sudden, soft voice say through a sniffle.
My heart softened just a little bit at the words. I knew how hard it was to come out, how painful it was to get rejected. Even more so when you were forced out of the closet instead of coming out of your own free will.
"It didn't go well, then," I whispered. It was more to myself than to him, but he heard it anyway.
"What gave you that idea, Einstein?" he said bitterly. I could hear the hurt in his voice.
"I'm sorry. What did they say?"
"Why should I tell you?"
I sighed and got up off of my bed to go over to his and sit next to him. With the little bit of light that was in the room, I could faintly see Y/N's face. His eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks were stained from tears. I wondered how long he'd been crying.
"I'm trying to help," I told him. "Talk to me."
I could see him contemplate opening up to me. Eventually, he wiped his eyes with shaky hands and looked down while picking at his nails.
"They said that I'm disgusting and that I'm going to Hell," Y/N admitted. My heart broke at the words.
"How'd they find out?" I asked gently.
"I was texting with my sister about a guy I like and she accidentally texted my parents instead of me. They figured it out from there."
A single tear rolled down his cheek. I fought the urge to wipe it from his face.
"I'm so sorry," I murmured. "How can I help you feel better?"
Y/N shrugged. He looked so defeated, I felt bad about the way I'd treated him throughout the case.
"What about this guy?" I asked. "Maybe you want to tell me about him?"
"I'd rather not," Y/N said as he cleared his throat. I noticed him visibly stiffen. After a moment of silence, he spoke again. "I know I act like a dick." I kept my mouth shut. "I have to be the smartest person in the room, and I have to do everything right."
I let out a short laugh as he admitted what we'd both known all along. This must have been his way of apologizing, so I let him continue.
"But that's not really me," Y/N admitted quietly. "I'm so insecure. I feel like I need to prove myself to everyone because, well, my whole life I've been fed the narrative that I should be ashamed of who I am. I guess I try to overcompensate."
I hesitantly reached over and put a hand on his shoulder. This man that I'd hated for so long was baring his soul to me, and I felt like I didn't deserve it.
"I'm so sorry," I repeated for the umpteenth time. "I didn't know. If I did, I wouldn't have been so rude to you." Then, I decided to take a chance. "So about that guy..."
Y/N shifted away from me uncomfortably.
"I kind of like a guy too," I whispered, slightly hoping he wouldn't hear me. "If that makes you feel any better."
In the pale moonlight, I could see his eyes grow wider. He turned to me with a shocked expression, and I couldn't help but laugh.
"But-" he cut himself off before he could say anything stupid. I shot him a sheepish grin. A wave of understanding washed over him, and he smiled slightly. "Can I..."
Instead of giving him a verbal answer, I leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his lips. I started to pull away, but his hands caught my face and pulled me back in. I sighed into the kiss, and Y/N smiled. He tasted like mint and strawberries. I didn't want the moment to end.
But of course, nothing lasts forever. Once we separated, Y/N began to cry again. This time, it was a strong, shaking cry that overtook his whole body. Panic set in as I wondered if I shouldn't have done that. I pulled Y/N close and rocked him back and forth with me while playing with his hair and whispering words of affirmation to him.
"What's wrong?" I asked, afraid of what the answer might be. I desperately didn't want him to think our kiss was a mistake.
"We just... we've been fighting this whole time," he said between sobs. "We both knew. Don't lie, I know you knew it too. And yet, we spent this whole time fighting."
"It's okay," I assured him. "We can't take back the past, but we can change the future."
I planted another soft kiss on his cheek and guided him to lay down in his bed. Once he was situated under the covers, I crawled into the bed next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.
"I love you," he choked out into my chest.
"I love you, too," I told him and pulled him even closer. "We'll get you through this. I promise."
Y/N nodded and cried until he was all tired out. We held each other tightly as we both drifted off to sleep, unsure of what may lay ahead. As I shut my eyes, I thought to myself, maybe Hotch was right.
#dr spencer reid#spencer reid#criminal minds#fanfiction#spencer#wattpad#content warning#fanfic#fluff#oneshot#blurb#spencer reid fluff#fluffy oneshot#mlm fluff#mlm#angst#mlm angst#enemies to lovers
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organising my thoughts a bit more, here's where i'm at :)
(cw - i am discussing the manatreed situation)
i didn't want to fully share my opinion until i slept on it, and now that i have done, here it is:
i'm stumped. this situation is so morally wrong, on so many levels, and i feel sick for even just discussing it. i feel like i have absolutely no place and no right to even have opinions on this, when there's someone involved who has already suffered, and is now having to go through something this awful, that i cannot imagine what is going through their mind. i just wish nothing but peace for them, so i won't be talking about the documentation or the leaked info, just focusing on how this has been handled and how this is going to be resolved. this concerns a content creator that i have dedicated a lot of my time, energy and support to - so i also can't say nothing
i don't want to completely turn my back on someone i've supported for 2 years now, over things that were provided by doxxers of all people.. but it is without a shadow of a doubt completely uncomfortable to even try to not think about it or not question it. for the first time i genuinely feel like i don't know dream at all? like it's a given haha i don't know him as a person at all. but now there's distance there that i haven't felt as much in the past.
i've seen many different takes, some more intense than others, and i totally understand the anger and the sadness from both us and also dream. i understand he must be in a horrific place right now mentally, but it's going to be hard to get past his initial reaction to the situation when unfortunately still there is a lot of information out there that points in the direction we don't even want to come to terms with. it's not only disappointing, it's also hurtful. and i get that he's also hurt, because he was cornered and he's never been the best at handling his emotions in such stressful situations. but fact of the matter is, this isn't about him. whether he likes it or not, this is a situation that has to be resolved with nothing but the truth
i never fully jumped on the manatreed hype because for me it's too hard to trust people i know very little about. i love dream but he isn't perfect and i know myself better than i know him so i trust my own judgement more than his. i never felt any type of way about callahan for the longest time because we know essentially close to nothing about him. but over time he became a comforting figure because he was always there but he never got involved in anything, never looked for clout or caused harm - he was just existing with his friends and i feel a level of trust for him now
manatreed is toooooo fresh for me still. i hate being distrustful from the start but like.. i was an emo kid growing up, i used to love panic at the disco and one of my favourite bands were the lostprophets.. i got to experience pretty early on that i need to be a little more careful about who i devote my support to lmao. i guess i just find it easier to cope that way?
so in the mean time i'm going to wait and see what happens next. i want to see who speaks next, and what they will say, and how they will say it. i won't be listening to much of anyone until there's a genuine and believable statement from manatreed to address this, with credible evidence to support that he has been wrongly identified. if his silence lasts longer, then i suppose we'll just have to draw our own conclusion and go from there.
i will be stepping back from the creators in the mean time. ultimately, i will not be involving myself in supporting someone who i cannot trust has not done terrible things. i'm not condemning anyone, nor am i giving them the benefit of the doubt. at the end of the day, this is so much bigger than a lie, this is bigger than me and you and all of us. someone is really suffering in ways they don't deserve to be. so the only thing i will accept at this point is clarity in the simplest form :) if they can't do that then this is no place for me
right now we're staring into a very ugly grey area. i'm keeping my mind and heart open that in absolutely no time, things will become clear in one way or another and i can only hope it's a happy ending
i adore this community and i want to stay here with you guys. i won't be leaving because this is my safe space. i can post about anything else, i won't be forcing myself to give this space up for somebody else's mistakes. so i hope it's okay that i continue posting and remaining active. for a while it probably will have nothing to do with the dream smp - but i want to remain here.
i want everyone and anyone feel like they can come and talk to me - about absolutely ANYTHING. the most random topic on your mind? bring it to the inbox. wanna see my jellycats? wanna hear about how undateable i am? did you have a good day or a bad at at work and you wanna let it out? let's chat, let's rant, and let's keep each other going through tough times
in the very least, we've at least got each other right? ❤️
#manatreed mention#dreamwastaken#this is a re-worked version of my morning post#had a bit more time to think and re-think#and form some more solid thoughts#after reading some great takes#this is essentially where i'm at :)#please let me know if you'd like for me to tag this with anything else#i'm here for everyoneeeeee ily all <3#oh also#lostprophets mention
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[4] start once again;
[cross-posted in ao3 • fem reader]
previous chapter
pairing: levi ackerman/reader
warnings: cursing, violence
words: 4018
Summary:
Erwin assigned your squad a rare inside-the-walls mission. Ending up being successful, you also try to end up successful on warming up your cold behavior.
You currently stood with Mike besides you in front of your captain's door office, who asked for your and some members of your squad assist's for a 'mission' inside the walls. You had no idea of what it could be about, never being apart of these type of unusual assignments that required the help of the Scouts, probably just some dumb shit the Military Police was either not able to do so or simply were too lazy to care of, at least that was Mike told you since he actually went to help Erwin with a pair of them.
"Hey [L/N], you there?" Mike's fingers snapping mere inches away from your face brought you back to reality. You blinked a few times and then looked up to the blond who was growing impatient "Don’t worry too much, you midget. It’s probably the same as always, a little thief that drunk Garrison members can’t get a touch of" Ignoring his little comment about - his enormous height - your height you sighed and nodded. You weren’t worried about that at all, it was just infuriating that the Scouts, the regiment that already has weight upon their shoulders are assigned for simple but annoying tasks that the two remaining regiments couldn’t take care of.
Mike knocked the door and without receiving a answer at all, he just opened the door and stepped inside with all the comfort as if he was the captain himself, you understood though, Erwin and Mike were almost always seen together attached by the hip and your own experiences with them said that they were pretty close. You didn’t like to include yourself, but you trusted both of them plus the members of your squad with your own life.
"Finally both of you came, we were waiting for you" Erwin said after releasing a sigh when he saw both of your forms coming from the door, he already knew it was Mike when he didn’t even had the time to reply the knock in his door, and knowing Mike, he probably brought you with him since you were still as forgetful as always "Take a seat, you’ll know what we’re about talk about, right?"
"Yeah, that infamous mission inside the walls, huh? Isn’t it [Y/N]?" Said Mike with a teasing smirk adorning his lips while nudging your side with his elbow, you were so close to hit his fucking face. Already tensed thanks to your thoughts before about the incompetent military. Erwin arched one of his physically surreal brows and looked up to your still standing form. Seeing how you looked away, Mike decided to annoy you a little bit more.
"Just this little midget who could make a Titan scurry away with her glare is a bit scared of an insignificant mission" He was starting to hit your more impatient nerve but with a deep breath you answered him "First, I’m pretty sure the mission is not insignificant if Captain didn’t ask for half of his squad's help. Second, you can’t call everyone a midget just because you’re a fucking tree and three, I’m not scared!" Your tone got louder for the more you talked, and your face was getting even more red than before. You could have continued if it wasn’t that Erwin were looking at your bickering with Mike in disappointment, so you limited yourself on sitting on a random chair.
"Now that everything is resolved, I’ll explain what are we doing inside the royal capital" Erwin finally was able to start. Bringing what it looked like three pieces of paper, he spattered them on the table so we were able to have a look at them. On the papers, it was written information of three different persons, their physical description, how the currently lived and a large list of antecedents. But what it caught your attention is that all of them were part of the Underground, the city that surrounded the Royal Capital beneath its floor.
You didn’t knew a lot about the Underground, jus a few things you remembered reading from David's various books. Humanity tried to live underground to escape the deadly threat Titans brought, however the exodus was called off and the ruins of the old attempt of humanity's safety is not populated and formed of criminals and vagrants. The deepest sections were now slums, abandoned by the royal government, David told you that even the Military Police were always hesitant to step inside and now you understood everything.
"Are we really doing the MP's dirty job by catching these thieves? That’s pathetic, we have better things to do Captain!" Your anger coming to get you back again made you complain and stand grabbing the end of the table with force. You weren’t someone’s maid to take their shit off by doing jobs like these. Erwin lifted a hand, palm facing your face, making you frown in confusion and growing irritation "You didn’t let me finish, [L/N]" with that, you just sat down again, looking away in embarrassment.
"Yes, we’re catching them, but not for the Military Police's benefits, but for our own" He pointed the three papers that were situated on the table, the sudden sound making you glare at them "We'll tell them that they’ll have to joint the Surver Corps if they want some type of freedom. If they’re refuse, that I doubt, we will turn them over the MPs, that’s all. So read the information in the papers carefully so we can start and end this assignment as fast as possible"
It was a group of three, two males and a young female. Furlan Church, a medium-sized male with dark dirty blond hair and bright grey eyes. The other male, Levi who was rather short is apparently their leader, has short black hair styled in an undercut curtain, pale grey colored orbs and the only female, Isabel Magnolia a young woman with light green eyes and shaggy auburn locks that were usually styled into two pigtails. For what the reports said, all of them were exceptional using the Maneuver Gear, Levi however stood out the most of the three. So that’s why Erwin wanted a bunch of us then.
"As you all know, Shadis' and my request of changing the expedited formation was approved not long ago. We’re planning to use them for the next expedition, so if we capture them soon, they’ll be able to try it out too"
"We’re going to the Underground tomorrow morning, be ready by then" Erwin moved his own orbs to your, deepening his glare "And I don’t want anyone to be late, got it?" Clicking your tongue, you nodded and stared at the floor when you felt his intense glare on you. Tomorrow's gonna be long day
;;
You currently stood - again - besides Mike, however, this time you weren’t in the usual boring walls of the HQ but walking down the dark streets of the Underground. You knew the journey to find those thugs wouldn’t be easy, but didn’t expect to be this complicated. Firstly, you learn that being woman here is not easy, you hated the disgusting looks filthy men were sending your direction. No, of course their glares didn’t scare a woman part of the Survey Corps, but you couldn’t help but imagine how a defenseless young woman could survive down here, and it send chills down your spine.
Then, there’s children literally starving begging for food or even fighting for it, you never heard that living in the Underground was this hard. Sadly you couldn’t help them at all and this for a reason left a feeling of guilt down the pit of your stomach and it didn’t help that the thieves you were supposed to catch could appear in any moment, right now is a perfect situation, when you’re lost in your thoughts.
Just then, a mysterious harsh breeze of wind made you jump in your spot, aggressively interrupting your thoughts and when you looked for what or who provoked the rush of wind inside a closed space like this your eyes widened when you met your objective "[Y/N], I’m pretty sure it’s them! Let’s just chase them with a low profile like Erwin told us, they probably saw them already" Mike said to you with a low tone and you just nodded and followed no far away from him.
They situated theirselves by attaching their 3DMG on the roof of the city and not far behind, you could see that Erwin was already keeping a track. Following Mike's movements, you regrouped with the rest of your squad. You were sure that the group of three already took notice of all of your squad so you just waited for Erwin's orders. About 50 meters separated your squad and the thugs so you weren’t able to hear if they were talking among themselves or not, but their rushed, annoyed looks and frantic mouths moving confirmed that they were planning something out.
Not long after, the shorter male of the group took the lead and attached his hooks to a bridge nearby and flew forwards the bottom part, passing through it with speed followed by his companions. It was impressive, to say at least, but not hard enough to keep the rest of us behind and actually, we were able to be nearer them this time. Once again, the leader this time decided to double back a rock pillar that was in front of us. You deduced they were trying to confirm if all of you were actually Military Polices, since usually your skill levels suppressed theirs.
Suddenly, the group of three separated themselves. Fortunately, Erwin always had a step towards and already assigned each of you other one of the thugs, with yourself chasing after the taller man, Furlan Church. He gave a sharp turn to your right. Erwin looked back to meet your eyes with determination, knowing what it meant, you just nodded and started to chase after the blond thug.
For the next two minutes, he didn’t seem to have the opportunity to escape at all. There wasn’t any type of obstacle that could slow you down and you already could feel the state of irritation coming from his presence when seeing that you kept coming closer. In desperation, he aimed his piston-shot towards a random house you hoped it was inhabited and fired the grapple hooks. You weren’t far behind so it wasn’t difficult to determine what he was about to do from your camp of vision. For the time you rolled inside the house through the glass-less window, the grey-eyed man was the near the other entrance that would lead to his run out.
However, you had other plans for him, and before he could even lift up his arm, you fired your grapple hook to the wall, mere inches away from his face. That apparently startled him and since he wasn’t far away from the other window, he fell backwards the ground outside. You cursed lowly, and ran towards the window looking down when you heard a loud crash downwards and eyes widening by the sight, a messy Furlan laying on heavy looking wood boxes, eyes tightly closed in pain, it seemed that the rammed into them when he fell down. Not wanting to lose this advantage, you quickly stepped down besides him and grabbed his much taller form by the hood hanging from his neck and ready to tie his hands behind his back.
"Ah.. I never expected to be caught like this" you just scoffed, ignoring his comment. When you were sure that the rope was tightly wrapped around his wrists, you forced him to stand up and began walking towards an uncertain direction. Uncertain until you heard various thuds and more crashes that sounded just like the infamous blades resting on your thighs. It wasn’t far away and by Furlan's irritated look, he seemed to recognize the other sounds as well. You just tugged his tied arms forwards and walked where you thought the sounds came from.
Minutes after, without barely blinking since you were keeping eyes open for any movement Furlan could make, you both finally reached the commotion and no far away another woman part of your squad, Lisa, managed to catch the younger girl, Isabel. You both crossed paths and saw that Mike and Erwin, both cornered Levi "Squad leader, are you alright?" You said with a loud to me once both of you were close enough. Erwin looked at our direction and just nodded "Yes. You both did well"
;;
The three thugs were captured, each of them had their wrists tied up with ropes plus sodden cuffs, to maintain their already blocked way to move and obliged to kneel in front of your squad leader. Erwin looked down, expecting o meet their glares, you stood no far away with Mike, in case any of them tried to do something, which right now seemed like impossible "I have some questions to ask you" He lifted the piston-shot of one of the maneuver gears you were able to detach from their bodies and started his interrogation "Where did you get your hands on this?" Silence.
"Your vertical maneuvering skills were excellent. Who thought you?" Erwin’s words meet even more silence, however, in you opinion their glares were more than sufficient. You sweared that if Levi's glare could kill, he really would have done it... for about six times already. Erwin walked towards the latter mentioned, and you certainly worried a bit about his safety "You are the leader, right? Have you ever received military training?" The deadly state of the grey-eyed man just deepened and that seemed that it was enough silence for Erwin, he looked towards Mike who just nodded in affirmation. You knew what he will do, using force is the only way.
Mike grabbed Levi's hair and yanked him towards the filthy floor slamming his face into a puddle of mud in an aggressive manner. His other two friends gasped in surprise, their already hateful gazes just increasing with worry for their friend. Levi just winced a bit and looked up to Erwin once again "I'll ask again. Where did you learn vertical maneuvering?" Silence just covered the ambience, and you noticed how Erwin was losing some of his massive patience, Levi didn’t seem way too well neither.
"We didn’t learn it form anyone! You think we’re gonna let a civil servant push us around?!" Isabel suddenly said. You jumped in surprise and moved from were you stood to walk near Isabel and Furlan, you would expect anything front those two "We figured it out so we could survive in this dump! Anyone who doesn’t know what sewage tastes like couldn’t understand!" You were keeping a somewhat low likeness towards the three of them, but Furlan's words made you remember how these people lived and growled up, how much of the kids starved to death before even thinking of having a childish dream and you felt compassion invading your body for them. Mentally slapping yourself about how heartless you have been, even if you never voiced out loud the thoughts lingering your mind mere seconds ago.
"My name is Erwin Smith. What are your names?" The blonde, satisfied by their answers, tried to ask Levi again, but he didn’t receive something much different. Mike taking the sign and repeated his last actions, this time you felt bad seeing how the raven struggled to catch his breath and how his ego is being broken in front of his own friends and strangers he didn’t want to know about "I applaud your determination. But keep it up, and we’ll move on to your comrades" you knew what you should do now, but still hesitated a bit. With shaky hands, you grabbed Isabel's shaggy hair softly and neared one of your blades into her small neck. You knew that you wouldn’t kill them, but it still left an uneasy feeling.
"If you’re gonna do it, do it!!" The girl exclaimed in anger, making your eyebrows frown, was your compassion that obvious? Was it that obvious to make Isabel risk her life knowing that she’s actually not doing so? Where is your usual cold behavior towards thugs like them? And Levi’s surprised and worried look that you were able to catch from the corner of your eye didn’t help at all however it lasted seconds since he moved his eyes to Erwin, hatred covering his orbs "You bastard..."
"What’s your name?" Erwin tried again. You still didn’t understand why he asked for it, when you remember he was to one that handled all of you their information papers. You just assumed that he wanted to keep a low profile and brushed the thought aside.
"... It’s Levi" His voice still sounded raspy and you could see how kept struggling when catching his breath.
"Levi, would you make a deal with me?"
The man looked up in surprise, eyes widened and confusion adorned his face. It was nice to see a different expression on his sharp features "Deal...?" Erwin nodded and continued with his proposition "I won’t ask about your crimes. In return, you will lend me your strength, and join the survey corps" Levi's confusion turned into a more incredulous one, and somehow, you understood dumbstruck state "If I refuse...?" He asked lowly, probably knowing what Erwin's answer will be "I turn you over the military police. Considering your crimes, I don’t think you or your comrades can expect decent treatment"
"Choose whichever path you wish"
Levi looked at his side, meeting Isabel's and Furlan's determination. His pupils looked up to you, and you felt your body freeze on the spot. He only growled moving his gaze down the puddle of mud with irritation only to meet Erwin back again.
"Very well, I’ll join the Surver Corps"
;;
Tray in hand, you stood in middle of the room. Eyes searching for a certain brunette and they’re usual companion to sit with, but finding no one instead. Alone, you sat in a random empty table, and waited for Hanji and their squad.
It wasn’t that you weren’t fond of your own squad. But as usual, they weren’t there neither. Erwin passing most of his time inside his office or training. Mike whenever the fuck Erwin is at the moment and the rest had more friends they are bonded with.
Hanji Zoë is an enthusiastic person, it was hard to not know or have talked with them. Is like they have a goal to befriend everyone joining the Survey Corps. And at first, you thought you would have never want to have any type of friendship with them since they’re way too loud for liking but look at you, impatiently waiting for their arrival.
Then there’s Moblit Berner who is a total sweetheart. You suppose that he’s a close friend of Hanji, since they spend most of their time time together and neither of them being here eating dinner with you, reinforces that question.
"They’re probably in that closed library where no sunlight hits and lost their control of time... again" you murmured. It wasn’t unusual that you are sitting alone by yourself, your hard capacity to maintain conversations with anyone is enough to make you give up on that. And the little amount of persons that managed to get on your heart are always occupied with someone or something.
You always stood like a sore thumb in any pair you went and spent your ridiculously large amount of free time with. Erwin & Mike, two tall as fuck blue-eyes blondes and then Hanji & Moblit, their conversations always being about trivial topics you barely knew about. However that didn’t mean you didn’t fully enjoy your time with them. Hanji always tried to make you laugh once a day, since 'you won’t be able to show any expressions if you kept having that resting bitch face' and somehow, they succeed every time.
But you really did want to have a larger comfort bubble with a larger amount of friends. You’ve been a scout for several years already, and haven’t found no one as close as your previous mentioned friendships, mayhap two or three acquaintances and a few talks with your squad companions but that’s all. You urged of human communication.
You waited for Hanji and Moblit with your cold and now empty plate under you for nearly an hour, you were growing impatient of the looks some new cadets were giving you since you literally had no reason to stay in the room if you finished your food or maybe is your R.B.F scarier than usual?
You sighed standing up and walked towards the headroom you shared with most of the women, ready to call it a day but stopped when you heard rushed and low voices down the hall. Moving your head slowly to take a peek, the thieves you captured a week ago were standing in the middle of the narrow hall with irritated expressions.
"I’ll go! You’ll probably make a mess if you even think about entering his office"
"Huh?! You’re saying I’m not capable to do so?!"
"..."
"Levi!! Who do you think will do a better job?"
"We don’t even know if that damn paper is there, but-"
"Levi's opinion doesn’t matter here, he’ll probably just say me anyways"
Paper? Office? Are they talking about the Commander’s office? Why would they enter though...?
"Hey! Of course it matters, if I wasn’t here you two would probably rip your heads off"
A silence with a deep breath.
"Furlan’s going"
"Aw, c'mon! I wanted to see if he used a comb to style his brows!"
Not the Commander’s, but Erwin's office
"If I found something like that, I would have told both you, dumbass"
You heard them walking towards your hiding position, so hurriedly you passed in front of them as if you didn’t heard nothing, just in your way to have a deep sleep in your hard as a rock bed.
They easily got startled by your presence, and you couldn’t stop feeling their sharp gaze on you "Everything okay?" You decided to ask, maybe showing a kinder side helps them feel more comfortable.
"Yeah, we just... just got lost!" Isabel said with a nervous grin, still looking stiff thanks to your surprise appearance second ago.
"Ah, really? I know the headquarters from head to toe, I can help you" You answered with sincerity, waiting for them and if they’re willing to ask you.
"Eh, uhm... yeah of co-"
"No, we'll manage" Levi interrupted Isabel's affirmation, irritation starting to form in his expression, narrowing his eyes in suspicion and cold eyes meeting yours. You would have lied if you said you didn’t feel chill down your spine but you just nodded, waved goodbye at them and restarted you walk to your now changed direction.
;;
Furlan huffed, closing the door behind him in a slow movement "Damnit... there’s nothing"
"Nothing?"
The young man standing in front of Erwin's door office jumped in surprise and for you amusement a high pitched shriek. But his scared expression didn’t last long "W-what around you doing here! Wasn’t it enough to make my caught pathetic?"
You just chuckled and smiled at him, Furlan just scoffed, but you were able to see the little light of confusion adorning his light grey-orbs "Shouldn’t I be asking that? Erwin is my squad leader after all" Furlan limited himself to blush in embarrassment after his realization "I just wanted to talk with him, is that wrong?"
"It is not, but you shouldn’t enter his office without permission" and before he could answer you back, you started to talk again "But it’s okay, this happened my first time too, y’know?" Furlan just laughed awkwardly and nodded "haha.. yeah"
"I gotta go but um, if are here to talk to Erwin you should go back" He said turning around and walking out as fast as he could without looking suspicious.
"They’re so awful at hiding it.. maybe asking Erwin to watch their training tomorrow is a good idea"
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I get it, Anon, I get it. All of the Pillars are alive. But, I'll be lying if I said I'm not mad at Muzan, but he's hot. And Muzan you is still a dick.
HEEE HEEE *MJ voices*
Overall, this is really fun to write!
Kibutsuji Muzan x Friendly!Reader (Domestic Taisho EraAU)
Let's say. Muzan didn't really care about the Pillars. He actually sickened by "Killing Muzan by Ubuyashiki: A Whole Plan" scenarios, but keep searching for Blue Spider Lily.
He didn't order his Upper and Lower Moons to kill the Pillars. Whatever, they could slay his minions, yadda yadda but he will not lay up his hand on the Pillars nor the Ubuyashikis.
The reason was simple.
You.
"Muzan, it's me!" Your cheerful voice was heard from the front door, he stopped everything he do and quickly rushed to you
"Good morning, (y/n)."
"Morning, Muzan!" You put your shoes on the shoe rack. "I will make breakfast, like always! What do you want, Muzan?"
"Everything you cook will be fine by me."
"Okay!"
He actually didn't need to eat that, but seeing you with your Demon Slayer uniform covered with apron every morning was really pleasant. Also your food is somehow great on his taste bud.
"Oh, thank you for the antidote! Shinobu-chan said that she wanted to know you, but since you said to not tell anyone, I came up with a reason!" You put rice on his bowl and gave it to him.
"And what kind of reason you give to that Shinobu?" He took that bowl and started to eat. Who the fuck is Shinobu, he thought.
"I said that I picked it somewhere on the ground!"
"That's the stupidest reason you could come out with. And she believed that?"
"I don't know, she just sighed and continued her works." Muzan chuckled. He usually stared at you eating, almost forgot his own food.
He remembered the first time he met you. He was hiding after he lose on his fight with Tanjirou and the Pillars at Ubiyashiki residence.
Muzan recognized you as one of the new Pillars and about to change his appearance but he was caught by you. He really thought he will be killed
But instead, you said, "Are you lost? Can I help you? You look pale."
Instead killing you on the spot for saying him 'pale, he's playing along with the role, told you that his name is Toshikuni Muzan and he's a doctor who had special disease that couldn't stand under the sun.
When he knew that you are new Pillar, he thought about taking advantage from you to gather information about Demon Slayers. He thought about turning you into demon, or abducting you from there.
But none of it was done.
Now, the whole plan is a mess. His intelligence and tactical thoughts are useless. He was simply enthralled by your own charm. He could read your mind, clearer than the sky. He never sense any animosity thorough your head. It's just cloud of full happiness and full of kind thought.
He fell, really hard, for you.
And you didn't realize because thanks to you, the demon races including Upper and Lower Moons were about to extinct because he didn't create them anymore. He simply ordered his only trusted demon and Upper Moons now, Kokushibou and Akaza, to searched Blue Spider Lily. The rest could fuck off.
And now, you became his 'personal assistant' including his lover.
After cleaning the plates, you headed out to headquarters to give daily reports.
"Where's my daily kiss?"
"Hm, what kiss?" You stood in front of the shoe rack, looking confused.
"Here." He pointed his cheek.
"But aren't that supposed to do by married couple?" You tilted your head.
"Aren't we going to be a married couple soon?"
"We are going to be?" You became more confused, it made Muzan infuriated but he hid it well. "Just once won't hurt, I guess."
You tip-toed and hold his shoulder, did a quick kiss on his cheek.
"Have a good day."
"Bye, see you on night!"
You didn't live with him because you still have sick dad and little sister at your home. He has offered you to stay at his house, along with your family but you refused since you didn't want to disturb his research.
When you don't have something to do on the headquarters or currently not training your students, you visited him again in the afternoon.
You usually asked him what he wanted to do, helping him or sometimes just sitting on his lab and reading some journals he made.
"How is your father? Did the medicine I made worked?" He asked while shaking his test tube slowly.
"Yes!" You jumped from your seat and ran towards his desk. "He felt so much better! Thanks to you, Muzan! I probably never find a kind doctor like you!"
"Well, that compliment seems super honest to me."
"Of course, I'm honest! Right! How should I pay you back?"
"Date with me, tonight."
"Whaaat?? Aren't we always dating at night? Well, except the day when I have mission."
"That's fine."
"If you insist, we'll go!"
He smiled again. You always succeeded on attempt to make him pleased, more than anyone else. It's just a simpel thing though, but he appreciated it.
After eat lunch, you took a seat on his sofa, doze off and take a nap there. Muzan joined you, sometimes he slept on your thighs, sometimes you slept on his shoulder when he reading his book.
"Muzan-sama, I came to-"
"Ssh." Muzan put his finger in front of his lips when he saw Akaza from the window.
"Ah." Akaza lowered his voice when he peeked up on Muzan's shoulder. "Miss (y/n) is here, I see. Excuse me."
He didn't want anyone to disturb your nap. Not after he saw your eye bags, plus scars here and there.
Well, should I ordered my remained demons to escape or don't attack her, he thought. He looked at you again. Wow, what an idiot expression.
"Mu... Zan... How about... Scaly... Skin..."
He wiped your drool, and smiled with the same idiot expression with you.
It really hits different when people were in love, indeed.
When night comes, your 'date' with him is started.
You will hold his hand and pulled him around on the way. The reason, again, is simple.
"I'm not really familiar around this city."
"Huh? Even though you live near here? No worries! I'll be your guide!" You showed him smug smile, and grabbed his hand.
If Douma was around, he probably laughed at you because he knew that Muzan could remember roads and places in the blink of eye.
But, no, he won't tell you the truth.
When you walked around, you usually bumped on your fellow Pillars.
"Tanjirou!!"
"(y/n)! How are you doing?" Tanjirou approached you with bright smile.
"I'm great!"
"Did you just go alone? I just got news from Kasugaigarasu about this place. There are demons, it's dangerous to walk around alone in this city."
"Huh, but I walked with Mu- I mean, Toshikuni-san, my- eh? Where did he go."
"Hm?"
"It- It's my acquaintance." You looked around like a chick lose its mother.
"I see. Anyway, please be careful."
"I will! Thank you, Tanjirou!"
After Tanjirou waved his hand, you looked for him. "Muzan! Muzan, where are you- whoa!" You almost slipped and someone caught your back in time.
"Careful there, lady."
"Muzan! Where have you been? I just meet one of the strongest Pillar, I wanted to introduce you to him."
"I didn't want to meddle with Pillars except you."
"Why is that?"
"By the way-" He put a red hairpin on your hair. You tapped your head, feeling something. "Perfect."
"Muuuu, you always bought me things when we're dating! The only things I ever gave to you were handmade omamori and knitted scarf. It's so unfair!" You light-hitting his chest, he just laughed while playfully fend your hand.
"That's the essential of dating." He patted your hair. "Let's go."
You're still grumpy but soon forget about that. Both of you continued your walk, from the square to a little bit quiet place.
"Oh, hi, grandpa!! How is your udon selling today?"
"Auntie, let me help you!"
"Girl, you look cute on that dress!"
Muzan rubbed his forehead. Are you really not knowing the concept of 'Minding your own business'?
"You're really friendly."
"These are the people who helped me!"
"Just a little help."
"It means a lot for me!"
"Hah, read the situations will you." He mumbled. He didn't really like her being so friendly towards other. It really pissed him off.
"Oh? Oh? Muzan, are you jealous?" You elbowed his ribs.
"Yes, so kiss me." He moved his face towards you. You hold his face down.
"Why is everything had to be resolve by kiss?! Muzan you-"
You suddenly stopped. The sense of demons lingered around your body.
"Muzan, back off." You unsheathed your hidden sword. "The demons are here. Tanjirou was right about the rumour."
You didn't waste your time. Not wanting the demons attacking first, you went to the direction where the demons were ready to kill you.
He just stood there while crossing his arms, smile proudly of his little baby slashing down numerous demons in no time.
Oh, what a poor demons, they probably wanted to report something to Muzan. But nah, he will just ask Akaza what happened
"Done! I'll give the reports thorough my crows later."
"What a reckless move." He wiped the blood on your cheek. "I see you're not hurt anywhere. Thank you for protecting me."
"Of course!"
"Let us continue our walk."
It's just both of you now, heading back to home.
"You see, Muzan. I might kill demon and all but..." You looked down and smiled vaguely. "I wonder what kind of life they had before they become demon. Is she a daughter? Future bride? A samurai? I don't know. But I always pray they will get a good life in the next reincarnation after I ended their life as a demon."
"Really? How thoughtful of you." He stopped and stood in front of his house.
"Yeah. So-" You looked at his eyes, grabbing his hand and clasped it gently. "I hope you could heal, I hope you could see the sun, feeling the warm dissipate into your body on our next life. I hope we could meet on our next life."
Again, he read your mind. Nothing. just pure thought about him being a complete healthy... Human. It's weird because he saw the human value inside you.
He didn't just fell for you, he was demolished by you to the ground.
Your sister sometimes told you to stay him at night because he seems lonely.
"Nee-chan, I will take care of father."
"But-"
"I'm a Demon Slayer too, count on me!"
"Well..."
"Toshikuni-san looks lonely in that big house, as his lover shouldn't you accompany him?"
Since there's no problem with it, sometimes you went to his house an sleep with him. When you do, he's really happy and always promised he didn't do anything weird towards you without your consent.
His bed was so big, unlike the futon on your house. After change into your bed robe, you likes to roll around without worry.
"You really like my bed?"
"Uh-hum." You put your cheek on his pillows. "It smelled like you."
"That's why I told you to move here." He positioned himself besides you. He tugged you into the blanket, kissed you on the forehead and brought you closer to his chest. He caressed your back until you fell asleep.
"Good night, Muzan."
"Good night, (y/n). Sweet dreams."
He didn't need sleep, he only need you to stay by his side.
Oh how he wish he went back to human again.
#kimetsu no yaiba imagines#kimetsu no yaiba x reader#kimetsu no yaiba scenarios#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#kimetsu no yaiba headcanons#kny x reader#kny#kny imagines#kny headcanons#kny scenarios#kny muzan#kimetsu no yaiba muzan#kibutsuji x reader#kibutsuji muzan x reader#muzan kibutsuji x reader#muzan x reader#kibutsuji muzan#muzan kibutsuji
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