How to Marvelously piss off a Bat: A Guide by Billy Batson, Pt 1
Bruce: Hint at anything and everything prophetic, alternate futures or timelines where something goes horribly wrong. The sheer amount of stress will piss him off, weather its true or not.
Ex:
Billy: Well, this could be worse…
Batman: Superman is flinging himself into buildings high on fear gas, how does this get any worse chum?
Billy: Well hes not murdering his wife or lasering my eyes out right now so we’re definitely in the better timeline
Bruce: he’s not What now
Dick: Midair super-speed pokes. The slightest jab at the side, ankle, or even knuckle mid leap or drive freaks him out and leaves him fumbling a lot.
Ex:
Nightwing, happily summersaulting off buildings preparing to grapple to another mid flip: It’s a bird, its a plane, its the Lord Gray-
Captain Marvel, gaining righteous revenge for his bowl of marshmallow only lucky charms: (Pokes the back of his right knee) bop
Nightwing, now clutching his right knee 57 stories up: so-IIIIIEEEEEE
Jason: Stick a plunger on that crome dome of a helmet, bonus anger points if its during a meeting or in front of people he’s trying to intimidate
Ex:
The Red Hood, scourge of Gothams criminal underworld, in a meeting with his lieutenants: Next thing on our agenda-
The Red Hood, now with 3 plungers stuck to his helmet: We- what the hell
The Hoodlum from the warehouse rafters: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR SELLING ME OUT TO BATMAN JERK FACE!!!
Hood, taking a plunger off and pointing it at Hoodlum: I KNOW 17 WAYS TO KILL YOU WITH THIS THING YOU LITTLE SHIT, SO YOU’VE GOT 17 SECONDS TO RUN!!
Tim: Mutter something sounding like a vague hex within his proximity, he’ll think you cursed him if he knows you’re petty enough. Basically a magical non-magical psych out
Ex:
Tim, very tired: I am not helping you beat Damians score on Cheese Viking Billy, that goblin will know you cheated and then its my head on the same stick as yours.
Billy, muttering under his breath while walking away: oi karpoí tou kópou sou na xekinísoun sto stóma sou (may the fruits of your labor sour in your mouth)
Tim, understanding the Greek and that billy has ties to Greek gods and magic: *panik*
@thefantasmarex
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Batfamily Powerpoint Night! (Part 8: Duke)
<<Part 7: Damian | Part 9: Barbara >>
[Masterlist]
Duke: My turn!
Bruce: Finally I can count on something normal.
Bruce: [migraine noises]
Dick: I feel like this information and Damian is a bad combination.
Damian: Grayson, I am offended you assume I need lessons from Duke on how to lead troops
Tim: You should bring the beard back Bruce.
Steph: Yeah your amnesia era was kind of a slay
Barbara: My dad’s Batman era was not a slay
Jason: Well maybe slay in a different sense-
Duke: That’s all behind us we’re moving on!
Bruce: I don’t think-
Jason: Bruce sit down and don’t pretend like this isn’t exactly what you did to form your child gang
Bruce: I don’t-
Steph: Look into our eyes, Bruce, and tell us, your crimefighting children, that you did not start a child gang
Bruce: Hn.
Tim: That’s what I thought.
Steph, Barbara, Cass: [hysterical laughter]
[talking over each other]
Dick: That is not what I looked like!
Jason: I looked so much cooler as Robin than that!
Tim: I looked cooler because I had pants, I can’t speak for you two.
Damian: My costume has been improved vastly since that iteration.
Steph: Alright, traffic cones.
Duke: Okay really not the point
Barbara: Seems like this step should’ve come before the outfits?
Duke: It was my first time starting a gang let me live
Jason: Shouldn’t “training” have been part of-
Duke: This is not open for criticism thank you
Steph: Yeah only Bruce can critique Duke’s child-gang leader skills as a fellow child-gang leader
Bruce: [noises of general regret]
Bruce: Why does something absurd always happen with you guys when I’m gone
Tim: Maybe because nobody in this house knows how to cope with loss or something I don’t know
Dick: Also it gets so much worse Bruce
Dick: I mean that wasn’t exactly your fault
Jason: Cop Batman didn’t seem to agree
Barbara: [sighs]
[talking over each other]
Jason: Woah woah woah
Tim: Hired??? You did not hire-
Damian: I did not say that?
Jason: Also I don’t remember being asked nicely I remember saving your a-
Dick: ‘Specialist’ sounds pretty cool and professional thank you Duke :)
Steph: Is that Damian in a Court of O-
Damian: The situation was resolved I am fine now
Tim: “Beat up some bird guys”
Jason: I mean besides the imprisonment and attack on a school and Dick leaving us in the dust for a hot second there that’s basically what happened
Dick: I did not-
Bruce: Excuse me?
Duke: Don’t worry about it :)
Tim: That’s n-
Cass: [signing] The Court of Owls is still-
Damian: That is libel
Steph: What a cute picture
Jason: Weren’t there casualti-
Duke: I have no idea what you’re talking about everything was fine in the end and everything is good!
Bruce: I am... so worried about all of you
Barbara: Well anyway let’s keep that streak going, it’s my turn. >:)
<<Part 7: Damian | Part 9: Barbara >>
[Masterlist]
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HOT TAKE
But I like the idea of the phantom world being reincarnated into very unexpected people.
Like I still love the idea of Danny being Martha or Thomas.
Or Dani being another clone, or her being Damian, and Sam being Poison Ivy and or Martha, etc.
But I also like the unhinged nonsense of Sam being a clone in the dc world — ideally Kon, and Dani (or Dan) being Bruce, while Vlad is gasp Thomas Wayne.
HEAR ME OUT
JUST HEAR ME OUT
I just think the idea of Danny finding out that in an alternate world he married a nicer and age appropriate Vlad and had the son the guy has been demanding for so long in their world is hilarious.
The absolute mental breakdown that boy will go through: this is my son, and I love him, look at him go being a hero and kicking ass, but holy fucking Ancients above I fucked VLAD —
And on the other hand, can you imagine Bruce’s reaction? To his alternate mom being a sassy teenage boy, his alternate dad being an older guy ‘preying’ on this kid that absolutely HATES the guy, and being an absolute creep while his alt self **gestures to your choosing** is either a tiny girl menace or the biggest and meanest growling ghost that is BARELY tolerating being in the same space as the living.
But they also hate his alternate dad and would punch him into next week with Mom! Danny.
This man will being going THROUGH IT.
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Prompt 290
Ghosts have the habit of taking names of those they’ve defeated. Not in spars or play-fights of course, and one has to actually be an adult for the instinct to hit, but it happens. It happens far more often than one would think.
Jason? Actually has no clue when he comes back to the living why he stole one of the Joker’s older names, nor why the Pit goes so angry when he thinks about Robin- HisTitleHisFraidNameFromFamily-
Now the Pit? Not a baby semi-near the cusp of adulthood, in fact is Very Old even if it’s more hivemind-esque then a full on realms entity. Very offended for the Baby it was gifted, because who takes that from a literal infant?!
Oh! Oh that’s another baby! Hm, change of plans, obviously the baby is also its. Because while adult ghosts trying to forcefully take a Name is a direct challenge? A ghostling- or in this case liminal- doing it is an open invitation for adoption.
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It will never stop being funny to me that the Titan's Tower incident between Jason and Tim happened right after fucking Jericho did the exact same thing but was way, WAY scarier about it.
JERICHO repeatedly attacks them, endangers civilians, possesses multiple people, is out of his head with rage and sorrow at feeling expendable and feeling like teen vigilantism was what got him and Donna killed. Hell he even shoots Bart through the leg, which fucks him up so bad he has to go through unanesthetized surgery and that trauma prompts a whole ass character growth spurt! Jericho both while possessing Slade and when they fight him in Raven's mind trap thing is like seriously bad news! He's playing for keeps and intent on really hurting them! It takes a full team effort over multiple comics to trap the guy
Then fucking JASON sneaks in ever so carefully, knocks a few of them out, feels a bit bad about even doing that, and has like a waffle house parking lot fist fight with Tim in a party city Robin costume. And what's he do afterwards? He just fucking leaves and never bothers them again! He doesn't wanna kill any of them! He's just a sad wet sack who doesn't know what he's doing with himself
The Teen Titans really do gather around Timmy after their fight lookin at that wall like, "Fucking seriously?? This is the second time this week!"
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Prompt:
The fight at Titans Tower goes a little bit different.
Jason actively fakes Tim’s death (all hail clone science) after knocking him unconscious and turns the entire place into a veritable scene of crime.
Then he takes Tim and.. honestly, he hasn’t planned that far. But the kid looks like he could use some hugs.
And Tim, upon waking up, promptly goes starry eyed over Jason’s apparent resurrection. And, yeah, fine, he’s not entirely ok with the whole “I faked your death” thing, but his end goal is now to return Jason to the family fold, so it’s fine. Bruce and Dick don’t like him that much anyway, right?
Meanwhile, Bruce and Dick discover the gruesome scene at Titans Tower and their world crashes and burns for the second time.
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