#I'm In Love (With My Best Friend) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mts-ofthe-moon · 2 years

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I’m in love with my best friend, and she doesn’t love me back.

It’s been over 15 years since we first met. I’ll never forget meeting you at the church that Friday evening after school, little did I know that I would never meet somebody like you ever again. We instantly had an attraction to each other, but we never dated. As high school came around I remember walking you to class every day, and your boyfriend not being very fond of me because of it. Back then I didn’t understand why, we were just friends, he didn’t have any right to be so snarky towards me. But I think he knew. He knew that there was something between us. One night you came over and we watched a movie, and honestly I couldn’t tell you what movie it was. I was just happy to be spending time with you. I looked at the time and realized that it was nearly time to get you home, I stood up and turned off the tv, and when I turned around to ask you if you were ready to go, you put your hands around my neck and kissed me. That moment will be burned into my mind until the day that I die. I looked at you, and we kissed again. I grabbed your hand and said “you need to get home, its getting late.” My legs were shaking, I could barely press the clutch petal, my shifts were sloppy. We pulled up in front of your house and you kissed me again before you got out. “I love you.” There, I said it. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I love you too.” you said before turning to walk into your house. I stayed and waited until you closed your front door, just to be sure that you got home safe. I knew it was wrong, now your boyfriend REALLY had a reason to not like me. I shouldn’t have let it happen but I never wanted anything more.

Christmas rolled around, and I was at Anthony’s house. We were playing video games all day after school. I got a text from you, you wanted me to stop by your house on my way home from Anthony’s to give you your Christmas and birthday presents. Your whole family was there. I remember multiple people asking “oh is this your boyfriend, Brent?!” as we’re sitting on your steps. And both of us being quick to say no, and explain that I was just a close friend. That was also the first night that I met your mom, and I was fucking terrified. I really just wanted to make a good first impression. You gave me a long hug before I left, and thanked me for getting you something. I drove the short drive back to my house and probably went to bed and dreamed of you.

I couldn’t believe it. I actually made it through high school. You were so proud of me. Yeah, your brother was in my graduating class too, but you were mostly at the ceremony to see me. I remember you telling me “I found a college out in California that I really like. But I don’t want to leave all of my friends.” My heart skipped a beat, and fell into my stomach. I hated the thought of you leaving, but if it meant that you would be happy, I would put up with it. “Oh, thats awfully far away. Well if that where you really want to go, I’ll be here for you. I support whatever makes you happy.” Of course I didn’t want you to go, but you hated the east coast and wanted to get as far away as you could.

I still have it. It sits under a pile of old video game guide books. I honestly forgot that I had it. I finally got it, my senior year book. You wanted me to save the best for last. You came over that day after school. My mom probably made macaroni salad, you favorite. We went upstairs and just sat around and talked like we always did. You sat on the sofa in my room with my year book in your lap, writing a note that enveloped the entire back side of the front cover. You wouldn’t let me look at it until after I dropped you off at home. When I got back home I ran up to my room and flipped the year book open. “Hi, guess who? (; Yes, it is I. Your other half, your best friend. I’m currently sitting in your casa laughing at everything and now my abs hurt. I keep getting distracted by your beautiful face so I can’t finish, but anyway, you’re really funny and nice and you really are my best friend. I’m so proud of you for graduating and I can’t wait to go to Vegas and London and Pairs and I’m gonna take lost of pictures of you and everywhere so that we never forget it. Love you, XoXo” I had the biggest stupid smile on my face.

You begged me to with you. “please come with, we can find you a job out there. We would be able to hangout every day!” You wanted me to move to the west coast with you so badly. And honestly, I genuinely considered it, but I ultimately decided against it. Before I knew it you were 2,600+ miles away. Just like that you went from being 5 minutes up the road to the other side of the country. It sucked. We couldn’t see each other whenever we wanted anymore. Suddenly I was 3 hours ahead of you, and our schedules just wouldn’t line up. I remember staying up until midnight just to be able to talk to you for an hour, before going to bed and waking up for work at 6am.

“I can’t take it anymore. I’m coming back home. I hate it here.” I was secretly happy to hear that. It had been 2(?) years since I had last seen you. I missed you so fucking much. I was shocked, I really thought that you would fall in love with the west coast and never come back. “Yeah I think I’m going to transfer to a college back home, but its still going to be 6 hours away on the other side of the state.” I didn’t care, anything was better than you being on the other side of the country. I was just happy to hear that you were coming back. You squeezed me so tight when we first saw each other. Your hugs were my favorite. Were? They still are.

I was convinced that I was going to move on. “I love you, I will always love you. There will always be a special place in my heart for you, whether I want there to be or not. It will always be there.” And you understood what I meant. We decided to stay friends, but go our separate ways for the most part. And as much as it sucked, I thought it was for the best.

Some time had past and kind of grew distant. We still kept in touch though. Little did I know, that would change. I met another girl, Amanda, and she was great. We really hit it off, we had a lot in common. One day you popped up on my phone, probably just reaching out to see how I was doing. Amanda asked “who’s XoXo?” I explained to Amanda that you were just a childhood friend, and that we like to keep in touch. She seemed very displeased about the whole thing. We got into a fight about it. She didn’t want me talking to any other girls really. So I stopped, out of respect for her. I didn’t see most of my friends for a few months. I hated it, but I still loved her (or so I thought at the time). We broke up a few months later, and I found out that she was cheating on me, How ironic.

I don’t remember what sparked it. But we had started talking again. With Amanda out of the picture there wasn’t anybody to stop me from talking to you I guess. We talked nearly every day. now We both like Indycar and would always talk about the races. That’s what most of our conversations boiled down to. “When are you going to back east?” and “did you watch the race this weekend?” with a little bit of music and random life stuff thrown in. And the meme’s, how could I forget about the meme’s. All of the hilarious Indycar meme’s and tik tok videos. I had my best friend back, and I was happy.

You had been with Tyler for about 3 years at this point. I was just about to leave my house and head to work when I looked down at my phone and noticed that I had a text from you. “He broke up with me last night.” All of a sudden I felt something. It wasn’t sadness, I had felt this feeling before, a long time ago. “I’m so sorry. That seemed awfully sudden, you two seemed to be doing great?” And you two were in fact doing great, but it for whatever reason he broke it off. I remember you telling me just a few weeks prior “I don’t see myself marrying anybody but Tyler.” And that didn’t bother me. I had moved on. We weren’t the same people that we were 8 years ago. But then I recognized that feeling that rushed over me when you told me that Tyler had broken up with you. I still loved you. And for whatever reason it decided to come back then. I couldn’t tell you, we had move so far past that. You asked me to read the letter that you were going to read to Tyler when you went back to his place to get your things. Nobody had read it yet, but you wanted someone to before you read it to him. It was really touching, and I gave you my honest feedback on it. You made some revisions. You’re still yet to read it to him. Tomorrow’s supposed to be the day, and I hope it goes well for you.

I still love you, I always will. A long time ago I told you that I love you, and that you’ll always have a special place in my heart. I may have been young when I said it, but I meant it. And I still mean it. I will always love you, unconditionally, through thick and thin, through good and bad. I love you. I’m so conflicted. I want to tell you. I want you to know. But I don’t want to reopen that wound. We agreed to be friends, I don’t want to backtrack on that. I’m not your type, I’m honestly not even sure if we would work out. You’re way more out going and extroverted, I’m introverted and like staying in my comfort zone. I don’t know if I should tell you or just keep it to myself.

#love story #i love her #I'm in love with my best friend #i can't believe I remembered this much #I have a shit memory #but I still managed to remember all of this #i love you #i’m not a writer #I’m just jotting down my feelings #J #J is for journal

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emotinalsupportturtle · 2 months

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umm what..

X-men '97 (2024)

#besties how gay is it to need a constant psychic reassurance that my best friend loves me to the extent that our minds are linked 24/7 #'xavier's sacrifice" i'm dead #cherik #erik lehnsherr #charles xavier #proffesor x #magneto #xmen #x men 97 #rogue #anna marie darkholme

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suiheisen · 28 days

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you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

#this is now my FAVOURITE game i've watched in real life knocking the game misconduct one off the number one rank #he was so annoyed the entire game and so annoying about it :')#he kept shrieking away on the bench and i couldn't hear a word from where i was seated #but you could just hear this constant yipping away dhfsgfkjshgfsjf PLEASE it was so funny your 36-year-old babygirl was BARKING #drew kept sitting there like... is mom okay... i don't think mom's okay...#also extremely good for me (since he wasn't really hurt) was the whumpfest of it all oh my god what ancient gods did he anger.........#geno kept Hovering in concern #po kept giving him little shoulder pats the way a sweet brave babyboy would try his best to soothe a rabid little dog #ek of course kept trying to slide right inside him and also kept skating up to him and STARING him in the face in concern/lust/both #also guys this is my first time in canada ever!!!!!!!! i'm excited #anyway. very good game for me sorry for this post but you know i love a #long post #sidney crosby #evgeni malkin #pittsburgh penguins #also!!! to all who celebrate #ramadan kareem/eid mubarak #<333 staying with a friend here through the eid celebration and they've been cooking and everything smells so good

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defyingthefates · 8 months

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Genuinely it is so funny that Laura and Marisha meant to have a completely platonic relationship and then they both tripped and faceplanted directly into romantic feelings. Roughly around the same time too. Well done ladies. Best failure I've ever seen.

#4sd #4 sided dive #critical role spoilers #critical role #imogen temult #laudna #so organic that they both went through the 'oh shit. oh no. i'm in love with my best friend' panic as characters #and related panic as players #the characters do whatever they want and the players just have to deal with it

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aromantic-diaries · 26 days

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"am I falling in love with this person" my brother in christ you're just not used to having friends you genuinely like.

#if i had a nickel for every time i thought i might be falling in love with my best friend when i'm just not to loving my friends #i would have two nickels and i'm starting to think the implications of it happening twice are more sad than they are weird

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edorazzi · 8 months

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Some Miraculous Twin AU content commissioned by @lapzoli!

She tried to pay me for this but she's been such an amazing friend the last few months (and in general really) that I point blank refused. And then she put up with me when I took 10 million years to finish this! She's the best person ever and a really talented fanfic writer, please give her a look! 🥰

#miraculous ladybug #twin au #adrien agreste #felix agreste #bridgette cheng #marinette dupain cheng #luka couffaine #nino lahiffe #josie's art #commission #lapzoli #JAZZ ILU YOU ARE MY BESTIE #one of the best people i've ever known tbh; who puts up with me through depression and hyperfixations and everything else possible #pls know that however difficult i am to handle i LOVE YOU #literally one of the best people ever and i'm honoured to have her as a best friend #also yes this post is feluka; felinino; felinette AND feligette #they all like him whether they'll admit it or not

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syn0vial · 6 months

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my gun-loving, car guy, "i'm the straightest man i know" brother who just finished baldur's gate 3 talking about astarion:

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #we had a long conversation about the end of the game #mostly about astarion and karlach #he says he took multiple days to decide how to handle karlach's ending :`D #but i was just so amused by his reaction to astarion lol #he's like ''i loved my paladin's bromance with astarion! he's my best friend!'#and i was like ''oh that's nice i never even got out of neutral approval with him when i was playing paladin''#and he was like ''you can check characters' approval? o.O''#so while astarion was def his paladin's best friend‚ i'm not so sure his paladin was astarion's best friend if you know what i mean 😂#he was also unhappy that his character just let astarion run off at the end without trying to follow him and make sure he was okay #and at gale for making a snarky comment about it #he was like ''i should have let him ascend 😭''#''if this was real life i wouldn't just let my friend run off like that!''#also: ftr despite my facetious description above let it be known that my brother is the kindest most accepting brother a dyke could ask for #he just also has a lot of stereotypical ''straight guy'' interests

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podcastwizard · 8 months

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when you tell your friend you're "doing great, actually" but your youtube history looks like this

#heartstopper #good omens #ofmd #i feel like i'm fourteen again #watching fucking superwholock #the fact that i watch all these shows with my high school best friend who i now live with doesn't help #love u bestie

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dollopheadsandclotpoles · 1 year

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Due to that post I made re: why it's hard for aros/aces to imagine a future for themselves because society tells you a romantic partner will always take priority, a lot of people (aros/aces and allos alike) are sharing stories about how they have been discarded by their close friends and it's breaking my heart. But allos and aspecs coming in and sharing how they have the same amount of love for their partners and their best friends/siblings is healing it.

Still, there are people in the tags saying that aros/aces can "never offer their partners the kind of intimacy they need" and so they shouldn't be "surprised" when they feel closer to partners than their friends. You guys are missing the point.

The point is that we should NOT be ranking our relationships. People aren't there to be ranked on a scale of "This person is my number one and this person comes after that." The point is that you need multiple people in your life. One person cannot - and should not - be responsible for giving you everything you need. Different people will give you different things that you need in life and you should value all of them.

The idea that a romantic partner will give you every single thing you need in life is a toxic idea in itself and puts undue pressure on said partner and the relationship as a whole. A best friend won't give you everything either. You NEED multiple people in your life and they will all give you a part of what you need, but there is no one perfect person out there who perfectly gives you exactly what you want. We need multiple people and they should all be valued by you. Love is not limited.

#aro stuff #ace stuff #aroace tag #aro #ace #aromanticism #asexuality #aromantic #asexual #aroace #This idea that a romantic partner comes before everything and everyone else is a very Western idea too #I'm grateful that I live in a culture where family and community are important parts of life.#I'm lucky that my best friend considers me as important as her husband #i'm lucky that I'm close to my family and have unconditional love from them #why do I have to rank the relationships in my life #a mother with two kids can love and prioritise them equally #as my own mother does #why is it impossible for some of you to imagine doing that with other relationships in your life?#(i wrote this when I was sleepy and wrote unrequited love instead of unconditional love i'm so dumb lol #i do return my family's love)

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emthimofnight · 3 months

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A full body ref of my Blazamy fan kid, Camellia! She's very polite, kind-hearted, but fiery. She is Stellar's childhood best friend, and has had a crush on her since they were little. Stellar is unaware.

#my art #amy rose #blaze the cat #camellia the cat #fan kid #fan child #fan character #sonic oc #sonic the hedgehog #sth #she's a lesbian who is in love with her best friend #bc I'm gay #and I love yuri #fankid au

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wouldntbehim · 5 months

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mix: firstprince (taylor's version)

#rwrbedit #alex x henry #alex claremont diaz #henry fox #my reward for not putting any tswift songs on my other mix is that i decided to do one that is just. nothing but tswift songs.#so. firstprince mix (taylor's version)#i was gonna do 'say don't go' for kensington but.#i actually liked 'haunted' a lot more for it #and nearly did 'haunted' for the scene of alex and nora but they swapped #(dress was entirely self-indulgent btw but. i couldn't resist.)#i have zero apologies for the choice of 'paper rings' btw #not pictured: me tapping my foot and waiting impatiently for rep tv #(listen my life will not be complete until i hear 'don't blame me (taylor's version)')#i'm choosing to blame this on my best friend #bc i went 'since i didn't put any on the other mix tell me i can't make one that's just tswift songs'#and she went 'do it.'#and i said 'okay at least tell me i can't just name it 'firstprince (taylor's version)'' and she said 'okay but you should'#so here we are.#also i think my favorite coloring in this is the one i used for 'wildest dreams' and 'you are in love' and 'say don't go'#yes i did attempt to color them in ways reminiscent of the albums and what about it

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scoobydoodean · 5 months

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The thing is that when Cas first laid a hand on Dean in hell he was lost, and not actually because "For the first time, I feel". Cas had felt before he knew Dean. We know this because we know Cas had rebelled before. Naomi tells us Cas never did as he was told—that Cas had a "Crack in the chassis straight off the line" (something Chuck later echoes in a rage).

Cas's rebellion is far older than Dean and that rebellion is a function of what he feels. Cas just doesn't get to remember feeling. Each time he does, he's stripped of the memory of it... but subconsciously he starts to understand it as something he must keep secret.

Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul?

Cas is in love with humanity, and we conflate this with Dean because Dean is the narrative heart, and the subject of Cas's greatest love, and because the concept of humanity and Dean are so deeply linked they're almost one in the same. We are not at all wrong to conflate the two, but make no mistake—Cas is in love humanity.

You misunderstand me, Dean, I’m not like you think. I was praying that you would choose to save the town.

Cas calls humanity a work of art, and the camera pans to Dean sitting on the bench beside him. Dean represents humanity. Not just as precious works of art, but also because humans get to feel. Humans don't get lobotomized for feeling. Dean encourages Cas to feel. He encourages Cas to feel by asking him to—begging him to, and by feeling for others, and by existing and deserving to be loved himself.

Dean echoes free will to Cas like a call from the wild. He's the beauty of humanity. He's the liberation and beautiful terror of choice. The reason "You always have a choice" and "There is a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it" works is because Cas already feels, already hopes, already loves.

You were gonna help me once, weren't you? You were gonna warn me about all this, before they dragged you back to Bible camp. Help me -- now. Please.

The function by which Dean gets through to Cas is through Cas's own feelings and convictions. He gets through because Cas is "not a hammer, as you say". Cas has questions. Cas has doubts.

Cas is in love with humanity, and every time he remembers it, he gets packed off to Bible Camp and he forgets. But he can remember again. What it takes is a push. What it takes is a hand reached out in the darkness. The day Cas rescued Dean from hell, two people were saved. A hand clawed out toward Cas too, breaking through his own torturous prison and offering him escape. For the first time in a long time, he felt.

Dean's importance is that he touches Cas. He makes Cas remember. And he keeps making Cas remember. Through touch, through words, through the expression of his own affection for Cas and for others. Because Dean cares, Cas cares.

#and cas is my best friend #in love with humanity #pk rewatches spn number ?#4.07 #and also later episode thoughts I'm getting ahead of myself yeah what are you gonna do about it.#4.22 #the very touch of you corrupts #the one who cares #dean the narrative heart #season 4 #season 8 #multiseason #heaven as a cult #castiels motivations

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quadrantadvisor · 9 days

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Alright new Jason Todd headcanons in a dpxdc setting:

Danny is a "liminal" ghost, rather than a "half" ghost. He's alive and dead at the same time. (He's like Jesus Christ (in the church denomination I grew up in), fully ghost and fully human.) Danny, in human form, can go through a ghost shield, because he IS a living human.

Jason, however, is a reanimated corpse. He isn't a ghost, wouldn't have a ghost core, etc, he has a normal human system that runs ON ectoplasm. Jason CANNOT go through a ghost shield, because he is always an ectoplasmic entity. Danny can go through the Fenton Ghost Catcher and be split into a ghost and a human; if Jason went through the ghost catcher, he would straight up die.

(For my purposes I'm gonna say that Jason became an ectoplasmic entity upon his resurrection, but wasn't very stable. Dunking in the Lazarus pit stabilized his system but also poisoned his ectoplasm.)

I do think that Jason could learn certain ghost abilities if he learned to harness his ectoplasm, especially if they detoxed him off the Lazarus waters. He's probably already enhancing his stealth and strength in ways he hasn't really noticed. I think he's held back by the amount of physical matter he's lugging around, so maybe he couldn't fly, but I'm imagining temporary invisibility, or intagibility of like, a limb at a time. Maybe he can't walk through walls, but in a fight he can dodge by instinctively making the targeted part of his body intangible.

#i saw someone call jason a 'revenant' in a fanfic once and that is juicy as hell so I'm stealing that- that's what he is in this au #Jason's ectoplasm does react to other ectoplasmic entities so they can sense eachother #but for ghosts he's fucking weird because he doesn't have a core for them to resonate with or w/e #danny would probably think that he's another halfa/liminal at first but the more time they spend together the more that doesn't add up #so I know that I'm trying to give Jason ghost powers but honestly this whole thing is kind of a bum deal for him #he gets all of a ghost's weaknesses and barely any of the benefits #honestly I'm conceptualizing this as more of a disability than a superpower #discovering that youre less alive than you thought you were and you're technically just a walking talking corpse running on supernatural goo #is fucked up and creepy and upsetting!#and it's something that he would have to come to terms with before he could start exploring what new opportunities it might give him #and i think that's really interesting #it's part of why I love messing with Jason in dpxdc stories so much #danny is fully ghost and fully human and he never feels like he fits in anywhere already #Jason is not quite human and not quite ghost so you can imagine how that would go for him #anyways i think they should be best friends and visit frostbite in the realms to make sure jason is healthy and also they should maybe kiss #and listen to the black parade together and talk about dying and stuff #danny fenton #jason todd #dp x dc #dpxdc #danny phantom #dc #batfam #my rambles

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taizi · 3 months

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gently in the cold dark earth

scum villain's self saving system word count: 2k canon divergent / no system au; sy transmigrates into an empty npc role; gray lotus binghe loves his shixiong more than life and he's ready to make it everyone's problem

title borrowed from work song by hozier

read on ao3

The first thing Luo Binghe does when he escapes the Abyss is return to Cang Qiong Mountain.

With Xin Mo secured to his back, the way could be instant if he so chose—the journey of a thousand miles reduced to a single step—but he unsheathes the elegant jian at his hip instead.

Yong Liang sings sweetly for him, the snow white blade still shining and untainted even after years of helping Luo Binghe carve his way through hell. It has never once failed him, soulbound to the one person still on this earth who has never failed him.

“Take it,” his shixiong insisted, low and urgent. The Abyss was behind them, an even deadlier threat was ahead, and Without A Cure clogging his meridians made Luo Binghe the best choice to wield the only unshattered spirit sword they had between them. “Binghe, take it.”

He pressed until Luo Binghe’s grip curled tight around the hilt, not hesitating to put his soul in Luo Binghe’s hands even with the rosy glow of an unsealed demon mark shining on his face.

Luo Binghe flies at a pace best described as dangerously reckless, hardly smelling the fragrant spring air or feeling the sun on his face. His robes are a disgrace, his hair a tangled, matted mess, and it occurs to him that he could stop somewhere and clean himself up, make himself presentable, but it’s a brief, fleeting thought.

Shen Yuan would be furious to find out that Luo Binghe wasted even a single second returning to his side.

——

He passes through the ancient wards effortlessly, feeling them fall away from him like water. It’s a simple thing to tamp down on his demonic qi, to disguise the parts of him that those so-called righteous cultivators would scorn. He ghosts through the familiar grounds as eagerly as a starving animal bolting down a fresh game trail, but one by one, all of their familiar haunts come up empty, without even a lingering trace of Shen Yuan’s spiritual energy left behind.

The head disciple’s room is dusted and undisturbed, as if its occupant might walk through the door at any moment, but the lack of clutter and the empty book shelf makes it very clear to Luo Binghe what the truth must be.

If Shen Yuan returned to the peak after the Conference, he didn’t stay.

All at once, images crowd the front of his mind—his shixiong grieving, pulling away, turning his back on those responsible for his heartache.

Yue Qingyuan, always only a step behind wherever his precious Xiu Ya sword went, promised that no one wanted to hurt them. They only wanted to help.

He looked so solemn and righteous that Shen Yuan reluctantly allowed himself to be convinced. Luo Binghe, who had gone to the man for help after a bloody whipping when he was a child, only to be given a walnut cake and turned away at the door, knew better.

He wasn’t surprised when Shen Yuan was wrenched away from him, and shizun sent him staggering off the cliff with a spiritual dagger buried to the hilt in his chest, all of it happening within a matter of seconds—but it still hurt.

Shen Yuan’s scream followed him all the way down.

I’m alive, Luo Binghe thinks, with no one there to tell it to. I came back to you. Let me come back to you.

——

Including time spent in the abyss, it’s three years before they meet again.

Luo Binghe’s revenge is his second priority at best, but he is nothing if not efficient and knows how to kill two birds with the same stone. Huan Hua affords him ample resources and opportunities to scour the world for his missing shixiong while playing the role of earnest and diligent new disciple. He snatches up each mission that comes along as though eager to prove his worth to the sect that so graciously took him in, but he takes every excuse to wander, to search, to make conversation with vendors and innkeepers and passing strangers.

Have you seen my heart? It lives outside of me in the form of a beautiful young man and tends to wander. Very contrary, likes to fuss over people, could argue the stripes off a lushu just for fun. You’d know it if you met it. You’d never forget.

The days blur together, meaningless and gray, but he doesn’t stop looking. Shen Yuan still exists somewhere in this world, because otherwise Luo Binghe wouldn’t. It’s the only thing that makes sense. The alternative doesn’t bear thinking about.

And then, finally—an afternoon in Jinlan City, when Luo Binghe arrives in a throng of incompetent gold-clad Huan Hua disciples, to investigate a plague of all things—

He’s there.

In dark, neutral colors and plain clothes, a traveling cloak with its hood resting down around his shoulders, as if his beauty could possibly be lessened by cheap, shapeless fabrics rather than effortlessly enhanced. His hair falls from its half-tail in glorious waves—he never did have the patience for anything elaborate, only wearing braids when one of his sticky shidimei cajoled and convinced him. Traveling alone, who could he possibly have to roll his eyes at and complain about and sit patiently still for?

A pale green ribbon is all that decorates his hair. Luo Binghe recognizes it instantly.

“You should spend your allowance on yourself, Binghe,” Shen Yuan scolded him, not for the first time and certainly not for the last.

“But I did,” Luo Binghe protested, widening his eyes and clasping his hands earnestly, the way he knew worked best. “I wanted it! And now that I have it, I want to give it to you.”

Shen Yuan was too clever by half to be truly fooled by the innocent act, but he always folded like paper anyway. He spoiled all of his shidimei but Luo Binghe most of all. Anyone on Qing Jing Peak would be hard-pressed to think of a single example of Shen Yuan telling Luo Binghe ‘no.’

Sure enough, after a second spent visibly wrestling with himself, he blurted, “Oh, fine! Hand it over.”

He wore it every day since. He’s wearing it now. The wind catches the ends of it, sending it streaming behind him like the tails of a paradise flycatcher. Lovely.

For a brief moment, Luo Binghe is frozen where he stands, finally faced with the very thing that he’s been missing for years, that he’s been living a miserable half-life without.

And then he remembers himself and lurches forward. His voice is a tangle in his throat but he manages to choke out, “Shixiong!”

A strike of lightning couldn’t have jolted Shen Yuan into more perfect stillness. He stops mid-step, every inch of him as good as carved from precious jade. He doesn’t turn his head, and the sliver of his face visible from where Luo Binghe stands is very pale.

Luo Binghe wonders suddenly if this has happened to him before—if Shen Yuan has heard a voice on the road or in the market that was almost familiar, that was almost the one he was hoping for, only to be disappointed when he turned to follow it and found a stranger.

Luo Binghe shortens the distance between them with a few anxious steps and tries again.

“Shixiong.”

The older boy whirls around abruptly, as if to get it over with. He’s bracing himself, but Luo Binghe barely has a second to absorb Shen Yuan’s painful-looking anticipation before it bleeds out of his face in favor of something else entirely.

He looks like the earth has fallen out from beneath his feet, like he hardly dares to believe his eyes. Zheng Yang gleams golden at Shen Yuan’s hip, reforged and whole again.

“Binghe?”

“It’s me,” Luo Binghe says softly.

There’s a tableau he’s afraid to break, as if they’re in a delicate dreamscape and a move too sudden or loud might dissolve it. He wants to say I’ve missed you the way lungs miss air, immediately and needfully, I haven’t breathed at all since we’ve been apart. He wants to say you’re my light in the dark, I can only stand in front of you now because I love you too much to ever truly leave you.

Instead, he tells his dearest friend, “This one made you wait. But your Binghe is here.”

Shen Yuan sprints the rest of the way to meet him, almost before he’s even finished talking, and they collide in a solid embrace that knocks the air from them both.

His arms wind around Luo Binghe’s waist like steel bands, fingers digging into the back of his robes, precious face pressed into the crook of his neck and shoulder. Luo Binghe doesn’t hesitate to gather him up close, holding him as tightly and securely as he knows how, burying his nose in his shixiong’s hair and breathing in the familiar, beloved smell of him.

Shen Yuan is a few inches shorter than he remembers. All the better to tuck him beneath Luo Binghe’s chin, to cover and surround him so completely that not even the heavens above can get a decent eyeful.

He wants to grab and bite and pin Shen Yuan beneath him and never let go. His jaw aches with wanting it.

“I’ve been looking for you,” Luo Binghe says, eyes wet. “I went home first.” Unsaid goes the obvious but you weren’t there.

“How could I stay?” Shen Yuan bites out, managing to sound all at once strangled and bewildered and—charmingly—offended. He shakes his head without lifting it, an aggressive nuzzle against Binghe’s shoulder. “After what they did to you, I’d rather die than represent their stupid sect another minute.”

“Step away from it, Shen Yuan,” shizun said coldly. “I’ll put that beast back where it belongs.”

“No,” shixiong said in a voice that was smaller than usual, one that shook. He was frightened, clearly overwhelmed, but he didn’t budge from where he was plastered in front of Luo Binghe like a breathing shield.

“Now.”

“No, shizun.”

“Shizhi,” Yue Qingyuan said gently, offering his hand. “Come here. It will be alright.”

Shen Yuan said, “No. You can’t hurt Binghe. He’s not bad just because of who his parents are. He’s as good as he was yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. He’s hardworking and loyal and a sweetheart to anybody who gives him half a chance. He’s so good.”

Liu Qingge was behind the sect leader, sword drawn. Shen Qingqiu was quickly losing what little patience he had, face twisted into a sneer, dark eyes stabbing hatefully at Luo Binghe from over his head disciple’s shoulder. There were more figures rapidly drawing closer, the other peak lords following the flare of Yue Qingyuan’s qi. The standoff was becoming more and more untenable, and Shen Yuan was too smart not to see that, shrinking back against Luo Binghe as much as he could without crowding him closer to the edge.

“You can’t hurt him,” he said again, the closest Luo Binghe had ever heard him come to tears, “he’s my shidi.”

Luo Binghe is unsurprised by his shixiong’s loyalty, because it’s already been proven to him over and over. It’s unremarkable at this point, which is an absolutely remarkable thing in itself. It makes him feel warm with gratitude and affection and ownership.

Shen Yuan is clever and quick on his feet and always three steps ahead, more knowledgeable about flora and fauna than anyone else Binghe has ever known combined, and probably a force to be reckoned with as a rogue cultivator, where the only rules of conduct he has to adhere to are his own.

But Luo Binghe hates to think of him on the road alone, without the little martial siblings who follow him like ducklings, without his Binghe there to make sure he remembers to eat all his meals and comb out his hair before bed. He’s a creature of comfort, made for airy rooms with too many cushions and an abundance of sweets and books to read.

Luo Binghe has fantasized more than once about building a home for Shen Yuan to lounge prettily in. It was, in fact, his favorite flavor of daydream since he was about thirteen.

If Shen Yuan wants to rogue cultivate, then that’s what they’ll do. But Luo Binghe thinks, if he constructs a palace that’s as comfortable as it is grand, and fills it with trashy romance novels and obscure beasts and his own hand-made meals, he can convince his friend to live in it with him.

Shen Yuan needs to be taken care of. Luo Binghe needs to be the one taking care of him. They’re together now and they’ll never be apart again and those needs can both be met.

That possessive, proprietary feeling coils dark and deep inside him, undulating lazily like a serpent who’s fed enough for days, reminding him over and over what he already knows:

Mine.

#scum villian self saving system #svsss #bingyuan #bingqiu #luo binghe #shen yuan #my writing #svsss fic #sy transmigrates into a blank role in a world where his favorite character exists #and he's supposed to - what ? NOT fulfill his personal fantasy of being lbh's best friend ?? ok 🙄#naturally binghe has been obsessed since the moment this pretty boy first smiled at him #bingbing i love you you deserve a good shixiong / future wife and i'm here to deliver #ALSO sy's sword name is (yǒng) meaning perpetual ; eternal ; forever #and 亮 (liàng) meaning bright ; clear ; to show ; to shine #in my mind's eye zheng yang is golden so yong liang's silvery white is the perfect compliment #YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO THE SUN & MOON SHIP DYNAMIC 🫵#heaven and hell were words to me

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