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brucewaynehater101 · 1 month

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In reverse Robins, technically Steph would be the second Robin, she would be in Jason's pixie boots and come back devastated and vengeful. Tim would either still be stuck at the one who has to put all the pieces together with people throwing all his effort and work back in his face because of the loss of a loved one and him not being them, or maybe in Barbara's position, crippled, traumatized, and having to rebuild himself both as a civilian and vigilante

Then Jason as the Replacement, the one who has to live up to his multiple predecessors, who has to mediate between two (mostly) grown men, who believes that Gotham needs Robin, needs the hope that Batman brings to the city

Bored with Red Hood Tim, give me Oracle Tim, give me a Tim who's forced to create his own mantle instead of taking on someone else's name while he gets the job done

You are absolutely correct. Why didn't I think about it that way? If we are reversing Robins, Duke would be a very temp "Robin" before Damian, who is older, takes over the role. They wouldn't be called Robin, but whatever mantle they end up passing down.

Duke would be it for like a minute or two (maybe his gang is inspired by Batman, wants to help the crusader, and then Duke settles into being his own role). Damian would then come into the picture, take up the mantle Duke discarded, and need to be Batman's partner (Duke doesn't need to. Damian needs the constant presence of Bruce both so he can get to know his dad and so that he is guided on Bruce's version of vigilantism).

Damian goes off to do whatever (maybe he does a few years in the LoA similar to what Bruce did but obviously different).

Bruce stumbles upon Steph, who's Spoiler, and negotiates with her to take up Damian's discarded mantle. Steph, who has her mom, never actually joins the Waynes. She also never truly bonds with Damian (who's away and not approving of her taking "his" mantle). Duke and her get along, but he typically works the "day shift."

Then Steph spots Tim stalking her on a roof. At first, creeped out, she hits him with a brick. Then Tim shows her the photos of the other Bats and the evidence he's collected of cases. Steph begrudgingly grows fond of the little stalker.

She doesn't have the best relationship with Bruce and is still a little miffed he forced her to be a vigilante under his watch (instead of continuing to be independent). Because of this, Steph keeps Tim to herself and away from the Bats. Tim doesn't want to be a vigilante anyways.

Steph shows Tim some moves to keep himself safe while he collects evidence and becomes a stalker. Cass gets adopted around this point and becomes the only Wayne aware of Tim's presence. It's a secret between the three of them.

Tim even introduces Steph to Helena Bertinelli. He met her while he was gathering clues for a case. While Tim and Helena are closer, Steph admires the older woman and her way of vigilantism. Steph can't copy it cause of Bruce, but Steph doesn't find it to be wrong either.

Then the whole mess with Black Mask happens, and Steph "dies."

Tim, who's devastated at the loss, sees Bruce losing it. He, despite the many jokes and promises he made to Steph, offers to take up her role in order to leash Bruce.

Bruce, who finds out the dead person he considered a daughter had kept a whole side of herself from him, pushes Tim away even more. Tim gets sent away, learns from Shiva, and stubbornly forces Bruce into healthier methods of grieving.

In the end, Tim gets captured by Joker, and the Joker Junior arc happens. While Tim isn't physically disabled, the torture and brainwashing makes returning to the field incredibly difficult. Tim has a hard time keeping himself present when he's not at home (and sometimes struggles even then). He has laughing spells and other shit. Tim has to pull himself from the field because of this.

Bruce, on the other hand, goes off the rails again. Tim, who can barely get out of bed some days, gives up. He can't keep managing Bruce's mental well-being on top of his own.

Tim moves out to the clock tower and spends a while moping (understandably). That is until a villain tries to pull some shit online, and Tim discovers another way he can help without being a liability in the field.

Tim nearly orders a hit on Bruce when he finds Jason in the same role that killed Steph and disabled Tim. Duke talks him down and promises to always look out for Jason. Maybe Damian comes back as well.

While Tim isn't able to go in the field, he can still train. It acts as a soothing routine to him. He ensures that Jason is always able to escape and drills into his head that running away is always better than dying. There are worse things than dying, too.

Then, while Jason is "Robin", Steph comes back as "Red Hood." She would probably do a play on words as Black Mask instead for her name. I'm not sure what her training arc would be like, but I like to imagine that she teams up with Helena sometimes.

Tim, through his connections with Helena and Harley, still creates the Birds of Prey.

Anyways, hope this is a decent timeline! There's more that can be added for each of the Batkids, so feel free to add what else you think should happen

#dc comics #tim drake #dc universe #steph brown #duke thomas #jason todd #bruce wayne #damian wayne #cass wayne #reverse robins #thank you for the ask!!!!

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tipsygnostalgy · 4 months

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"It was never that serious," said Rose Lalonde calmly. — a deranged rant on update rose + philosophy

now that rose has officially hopped onto the "nothing matters" track of things i'm inclined to believe faux-absurdism is a sleeping agent in the strilondian neuroticism paradigm moreso than a real plot point but yeah anyway i have mixed feelings

on one hand i can definitely see why people don't like her / think she's ooc. the classic process of "cause major change in a character" goes inciting incident -> development -> big blowout moment demonstrating the change (appropriated + bastardized from mr freytag himself), and in my personal opinion the comic jumped the gun on this one? we get the inciting incident (candy timeline's irrelevancy) and both irl timeline and character arcwise are plunged straight into the blowout with very little time in between. there's a tiny hint with the light symbol playing a role (more on this later) but for the most part it feels sudden and unjustified if you're insane about rose + understand sufficient epilogues metaphilosophy + and are coded specifically to like this type of shit you Get Exactly What's Going On and fucking dig it. if you don't, you think they've put her through a meat grinder and i can see both

on the OTHER. dear god i'm sucking on the sweet teats of knowledge and absurdism like a baby at the bath. her swapping her constant need of "why" to "why not" and both rose's constant struggle with Light mixing with the irrelevancy of candy and coalescing in one big idgaf war except.

except on the third hand it's worth mentioning that she's also half-assing absurdism so bad that it gets pathetic. her last line "I knew you would forgive me anyway" actually solidifies this arc as one big tantrum that they plan on developing into Not A Thing (hopefully) because she doesn't tell kanaya "I knew it wouldn't matter." the forgiveness is what she focuses on. the forgiveness matters. kanaya still matters to her whether this dumbass light player is consciously aware of this or not and i think ironically KANAYA knows this better than she does which is part of her saying she refuses to mediate this one. on a rosemary level this is jaw-dropping on a character level BOOOO

MAKE HER ABSURDIST! make her sit there and do things not for the sake of kanaya but literally only to do them. make her sit there and genuinely believe the only obligation in reality is to live it. dirk fails at being a true absurdist too he starts injecting meaning into life like there's motherfucking nothing and rose actually acknowledging there's zero meaning whatsoever but living anyway and in that process learning to love life (juxtaposes jake's adventurer) would juxtapose her to him but NOOOOOO she has to sit there and go Well there's no meaning to Life. It was Never that serious. Fuck you. but then refuse to kill herself (thereby proving camus right once again) then now what. now What. Ohhhh "nothing" matters cool then die. dirk's suicide was meaningful because he broke that formula okay he went There's no meaning to life? Ok. then immediately hung himself he DEVOURED that sequence he subverted absurdism back into existentialism which is cool but ROSE COULD PERPENDICULAR THAT!

#homestuck #rose lalonde #homestuck meta #homestuck analysis #dirk strider #hs

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niphredil-14 · 4 months

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Hi. If you’re still taking requests, please could you do a one shot about how Reader would react if they found out the Turtle bf was their favourite celebrity?

(V-Tuber, singer, voice actor, ect)

Please and thank you

If you don’t want to or don’t have time, that’s ok. I know how busy life can get

this was a lot harder to write than I originally had expected, so I just did Donnie, hope that's ok.

V-TUBER DONNIE X GN! READER

Most of the time they were with their boyfriend, they spent doing parallel play of some sort. There was a comfort and a serenity in knowing that they could be so close to someone without needing to give or receive constant, active attention. To be able to just sit with their knees touching, or back-to-back (or shell) and be able to do their own thing made them feel more connected than if they were actively interacting. It was a sweet, simple sense of domesticity that they both thoroughly enjoyed. With both of the being such busy, productive people, it was nice to be able to get stuff done while still spending time with each other. It was peaceful, with some quiet music in the background, accompanied by Shelldon's terrible (fantastic) dancing, it was nice. But the serene quiet would not last much longer. With an obnoxious beep, Donnie's headphones had warned him that they were about to die.

"Shit." He sighed.

"Hmm?" They questioned. He popped his headphones off and plugged them into the charger nearby.

"Headphones died, and I still need to edit another three videos." He groaned, his head falling melodramatically back against the back of the couch.

"Can't you edit them without headphones?" They asked. He turned his head, which was still resting on the couch behind him, to look at them, his drawn-on eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"You sure you wouldn't mind?" He asked. He often got a bad rep, of being uncaring because of his struggle to empathize with others, but it wasn't as black and white as some would think.

"Yeah, it's fine. Do whatever works for you, Don." They reassured him with a soft smile. He gave a small smile back, and turned back to his laptop, after telling the, to let him know if they changed their mind. And for the rest of the editing process for that video, nothing really changed. They had the slightest suspicion that the voice was a bit too familiar, in an eerie way, but they just couldn't place it, and knowing how much Don hated to be interrupted when he was on a roll, they refrained from asking, at least until they heard a particular phrase, said in their lover's voice.

"Greetings, Internet! 'Tis I, BootyyyShaker9000! Welcome to my channel!" Rang out from the computer.

"Holy shit!" They exclaimed. Donnie turned to look in their direction, only to find them staring at him with starstruck eyes. "You edit BootyyyShaker9000's videos?" They asked.

"I- what?" Donnie asked in response.

"I mean, he's a V-Tuber, so I knew someone must have been editing the videos, but you?? That's so cool!" They would likely have continued their ramble had Don not cut them off.

"Wait, wait, wait." Don said. "You know BootyyyShaker9000?" He asked.

"Know him??" They gasped, almost indignantly. "He's my favorite youtuber! I watch all of his videos as soon as they come out!" They said. "You know how Thursdays at 4pm are always blocked off on my calendar? It's because that's when he uploads!" Donnie took a moment to just digest what they had confessed to him. They must not have realized that he was BootyyyShaker9000. A smile graced his features as a plan hatched in his mind.

"Dearest. Slow down." He spoke, and they did. Falling silent, awaiting what he was going to say. He just looked at them fondly for a moment before continuing. "Would you like to watch me edit the video? It's a fairly boring process, but if you're such a big fan, you're more than welcome to." They gasped, and tossed their own laptop to the side.

"Absolutely!!" They exclaimed, and scooted closer to him, until it was unclear where he ended and they began, their sides pressed so close they were practically melded together. However when they looked at his screen, and found him in the video, where the avatar would normally have been, it clicked.

"Holy Shit! You're BootyyyShaker9000???"

#tmnt #rottmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt x reader #rottmnt x reader #tmnt donatello #rottmnt donatello #tmnt donnie #rottmnt donnie #tmnt donatello x reader #rottmnt donatello x reader #tmnt donnie x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader

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charmingpplincardigans · 4 months

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How’s everyone doing? I’ll go first, I’m bad!

I have been ~*~struggling~*~ since mid-September and in the last two weeks it has just gotten unbearable. I feel like I’m drowning all the time. I’m having trouble keeping up with and reaching out to people I want to talk to. And that’s like, on top of always having been bad at getting back to people. *stares forlornly at the ask Chaz sent me like, literally two years ago that I think about daily but just. haven’t. RESPONDED TO.*

Things are just. Closing in on all sides unfortunately. I’ve been sick several times. I bounced this month’s rent check. A thing I had NEVER DONE BEFORE IN MY LIFE before this last move. My job is literally never going to pay me what I’m worth. Or anyone what they’re worth, frankly. I broke down in front of my boss the other day and just sobbed for an hour because after I pay my bills every paycheck I have just enough left over to buy groceries for two weeks, if I’m careful, and little else. Which means I’m putting stuff like gas on credit cards, which isn’t helping the debt that makes me feel like drowning in the first place. I’ve been at this job SEVENTEEN YEARS. A steady, corporate job. And I’ve never once in my entire time there made an actual cost of living raise!! The cost of living just keeps raising without me! (And also everyone else, I know!)

I’m super overdue on getting people the art they commissioned from me, but my brain just hasn’t been in a good enough place to create much of anything, and I keep thinking I have to get this done and then thinking they deserve better than this, around and around on a loop ad finitum. And there are a couple of other things going on personally that just fucking blow that I don’t know how to fix and I’m just gonna choke on it.

I haven’t done any fandom stuff since NYCC. I haven’t written on my WIP. I haven’t read fic. I don’t check in on the madness happening on twitter. I’ve barely popped my head into my favorite pirate group chat over the last five months or so. I miss doing all of that so much and my stupid brain is so broken that even when I try I can’t enjoy it.

Shit. I’m having a hard time getting work work done. I just sit down at my desk every day, answer emails, and then spend five or so hours frozen with anxiety because there’s too much to do and doing nothing is only making it worse every day.

I need to be back in therapy ASAP, but unfortunately you can’t eat therapy so I can’t pay for it!!

And I feel guilty saying any of this to almost everyone I would usually talk to. (Congrats and condolences to the rest of you!) Because they’re having a harder time than me. Or because they’d just want to give me a bit of money about it, which would fuck me up even more. Or because it’s just tedious and boring and no one wants to listen to me talk about this over and over again, even though it’s all my brain does every hour of every day. It’s a wonder I’m ever able to talk about anything else.

My boss is pretty great, in spite of it all. She’s constantly supportive (to the extent she can be), and she just. She tells me all the time how creative and wonderful and smart and cool to know I am. And every time I just like, tear up, because none of it feels true. But I also tear up when my friends and my partner say those things too. Because to me, a full grown adult without a savings or a 401K or the ability to like, go get drinks just because I want to, I feel like a complete and utter failure. So like. Whatever I guess!!

I need to find a new job that pays me way more. Then I can get a therapist to fix my brain and save money to pay down my debts and have money to have fun with my friends and not feel like a constant financial burden on everyone. Then I can have the brain power back to maybe work on my fic or complete that art or like, I don’t know, talk to the people who actively want to talk to me. You wouldn't think that part would be so hard, but it really, really is.

I’m working on it. I’ll keep working on it. I have LinkedIn open right now. I’m gonna fucking sob through it, but that doesn’t mean none of it will get done.

In the meantime, if anyone knows of a good way to make a quick $30 grand, I’m all ears.

#no one cares kl #it's an old-fashioned two am post #at four in the afternoon!#that's how bad things are!#all my shame units are being used so i don't have any to spare #on whether or not i should be messy in public!!!

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smash-chu · 5 months

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Sometimes i get days or weeks of just exhaustion, motivation for things just slamming, usually following something stressful or just after something of particular note happens. Like me coming back home after having been at my parents place over the holidays.

And i rarely find the means to explain myself about it, cause it feels silly to have to every once in a while tell people who get confused over me taking longer to respond or get things done that "oh i was just having a shit week" when it was just my brain deciding to go into feeling terrible mode.

To be frank it's probably a side effect of being stressed deep down a lot, being unemployed and struggling to find jobs does that to ya. Without doing commissions and selling adoptables, since those are the two things which bring me any reasonable amount of money, i wouldn't be able to scrape by living in my apartment. It's a constant walking on the edge. And i'm not sure what more to do than keep searching and doing commissions. I worry if at one point i just don't get commissioners in a while, will it all just crash and burn then? It's scary, but that's where i am at.

If it takes a bit of time on my end, i'm probably exhausted and already feel bad it's taking so long. The rut just needs to be dug out of.

Thank you for being patient with me.

If you wanna toss me a penny without poking me for a commission, i do have a ko-fi, and a patreon where i put up exclusive stuff i don't post here.

#text #smash-chu talks #personal stuff #i usually try to hold my head high but things pile up and eventually you just sorta crash #the unfortunate thing is that when i crash that typically makes the things which bring me a livelihood suffer #anyways i thank the people who decide to stick around even if its ups and downs #i have chores to do and people to get back to now before i go back into my hole

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graphicabyss · 6 months

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War and Alienation

There are many terrible things war brings into your life. There's death and destruction. There's the uncertainty and constant anxiety. There's the worry for your loved ones fighting. There's deteriorating physical and mental health. There's also the deep down guilt that many out there are suffering way more than you are. But one thing you don't see coming is the alienation from the outside world.

I like being in international public spaces like streams but it also often produces mixed feelings. On the one hand, it gives me the sorely lacking sense of normalcy. But on the other, it often makes me feel even lonelier than I am.

I am not that different from the First World people there. I speak the same language, I like the same games, I repost the same memes. And yet, I feel there's a deep abyss separating me from them.

And it's not just being unable to participate in the money-giving rituals when you have none to spare. In fact, even if I had more money right now, I would not direct it to foreign artists, no matter how much I appreciate them. I would direct it towards buying more drones or to some of the countless local charities.

It's sometimes hard listening to people complain about random shit like food or having too many games to play. And of course I know everyone's struggles are valid. But it's just hard to keep myself from commenting "You haven't had a good sleep because of your cat, ay? Well, I had a 6-hour drone attack on my city so that makes two of us lol." I know it wouldn't be good for anyone so I usually just hold back. And I, like other Ukrainians, often try to frame it in a comical or sarcastic way but it doesn't seem to help.

I am constantly torn between just chilling with the guys and screaming about the terrible shit that is happening. And it's hard enough on a quiet day, much harder when you have to step away from the stream because there are missiles flying your way. When you try to mention shit like that, it makes people uncomfortable. They usually just freeze and say nothing. It's too awkward, too unpleasant and they probably are afraid to say the wrong thing. So you only end up feeling bad for achieving nothing but dampening someone's mood. But it adds to the feeling of alienation. Ben told me I shouldn't worry about ruining the mood, which I am very grateful for. But I will definitely always worry about it. I don't want to be that person who comes and ruins the atmosphere. I don't want to be the 'war girl'.

And yet, I want people to care about us, just a little bit. To remember us and the shit we go through every day. To realize how lucky they are that they don't have to deal with war on top of money, job and family problems.

Nobody wants to hear about the war. People in the West are tired of it. And I get that. I can't really blame them. I'd love to just turn off the news and not know any of this. But I can't. And if it's tiring to just hear about it, I'd love them to try to imaging how tiring it is living through it. After nearly 2 years, it's taken a heavy toll on us all. And this war fatigue ultimately translates to less support for Ukraine, to less military help and less hope for us to survive it and that is scary.

#personal #War #had to get it off my chest #even if noone's gonna read it

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ravencromwell · 5 months

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Current Shades Of Magic question haunting me: was Maxim Maresh working a deal with the Danes to make something comparable to an Inheritor for Rhy? (And by "working", I mean: he thought he was being real savvy while the Danes lied through their teeth for years and kept the credulous arnesian king on a fish-hook while they figured out how to rip a hole through time and space.)We know Tieren flatly refused to help him make one, and that Makt is highly skilled in binding magic. And Maxim's entire White London dynamic, especially in Darker Shade, never made a bit of fucking sense to me. Take, as exhibit 1: "Holland delivered a letter yesterday," explained the king. "But couldn't stay to collect the response. I told him I would send it back with you. Kell frowned. "All is well, I hope," he said carefully. He rarely knew the contents of the royal messages he carried, but he could usually glean the tone—the correspondences with Grey London had devolved to mere formality, the cities having little in common, while the dialogue with White was constant and involved and left a furrow in the king's brow." In scrupulous fairness, Schwab does give us an explanation for the involved nature of the letters, saying that the Red Crown was haunted by its decision to seal the doors between Red and White; that they wanted to provide magical advice as a kind of recompense and reparations. But we're also provided a very plausible explanation for how Vitari helps Lila move through the worlds, which gets very undermined by Lila as Antari. And living in the midst of the most nakedly imperial power of our modern age, I'm incredulous at best and scoffingly dubious at worst. With some very! rare exceptions, large, prosperous countries give small struggling ones shit either to look good, or because they want something out of the exchange.

Was it being _haunted that made Maxim Maresh send twelve-year-old Kell into the middle of a very violent country? Or was it _knowing by that time that Rhy most likely wouldn't be manifesting any magic. Kell says to Vortalis that this will be the beginning of "re-opening relations". Which makes sense, seeing as Antari are a dying breed, and Arnes hasn't had one for a while and Makt for even longer. It's not Maxim's bad parenting in sending Kell to White so young that has my antennae raising, but the bad diplomacy. Maxim's Kell flaw, after all, is that he sees him more as a political and propaganda tool than a person. And he's letting him go to Makt at twelve? When Kell could die, and a large reason Faro and Vesk are in line right then is because they believe Kell is integral to Arnes strength. I don't believe Maxim Maresh, who had the political cool to immediately think of how Faro and Vesk would react and demand secrecy about Rhy's near-death in Conjuring while everyone else is in knots of grief and he must be pushing down his own feelings with herculean effort decided to resume communications to salve his conscience. It just doesn't fit with the rest of who he is as king.

But, as several people wonder when Tieren chastises Maxim over the Inheritor: what wouldn't a father do for his son? Put his other son in jeopardy, if he thought he could make an attractive enough offer to get a (probably) ruthless king of a ruthless people to make him something? It would certainly line up with what he does throughout the series.

Finally: Maxim is adamant that "The Danes will pay" before he learns they're dead. Except seriously? How, Maxim? You planning to send the Antari who they already used as a pawn back as a one man army? Because no one else is going through.

Maxim Maresh, for all his faults, is too good a soldier to send Kell into that battle. So, either he's just blowing off steam and the threat has no teeth, or the threat has vicious teeth. Because the Crown has been sending the Danes advice: maybe instructions on relatively—to Arnesian thinking—small elemental magics like minor water redirection that have become integral to Makt's irrigation under the Danes, or something else entirely. There are a million little ways the Crown could've been helping; the question is _why. Why, in Darker, did Maxim, a a busy man, concoct a thick response within a day and send his best weapon into a violent place _after _dark when it could have waited till morning. Feels to me like a man hurriedly running after something the Danes are always "close to finishing" and that he wants, very, very much.

#I mean. I understand that the Doylist reason is: we need Kell in WL so the Danes plot can happen #but Watsonian me is just like: nuh-uh. Maxim Maresh. who won't even let Kell travel! to a foreign elements game *ever* even though they're #the biggest symbol of inter-empire cooperation. is not sending Kell to White for *morals*#adsom #shades of magic #Maxim Maresh #White London #A Darker Shade of Magic

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eulchu · 1 year

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@dwtolo you're a fucking piece of shit.

i don't wanna dwell on this part but last night was a very clear attest to that. you're so detached from reality you thought it was funny to joke about something like that. anyone right in the head wouldn't need people to point it out to realize it was messed up.

your presence in this fandom has been nothing but unpleasant. i don't give a fuck who you stan & who you don't, anyone is in their total right to like some ccs over others. the problem comes when you devote an entire blog to it. you have nurtured a safe space for people to doom and send the most spiteful and vile things about sapnap and george. you have welcomed that type of negativity with open arms.

dtblr took a huge hit after october and we've been trying really hard to reestablish ourselves. every single day we have to ignore/block and mentally protect ourselves from constant 24/7 neg from freak anons. your dooming sideblog is speedrunning this new narrative about the dteam being dead to the wider dtblr spaces. so many people have been struggling as of lately in regards of negativity and dooming. you've made everything so much fucking worse.

val you're a fucking bitch who tried to get me and my friends harassed over my dumb knf post when i didn't even know you. you went crazy in october and said some of the most spiteful and problematic things that anyone still here said about dream. publicly, as well. i don't understand how this fanbase has taken you back with open arms. all you've ever done for this fandom is cause problems.

@ dtblr i am begging all of you to get a damn grip on reality. do we really want someone like this in our space, again? i don't think it's necessary to remind anyone of how towards the end of "dtblr 1.0", or whatever, half the people around here were unironic drolos. i don't think i need to remind anyone of what happened after.

the only thing that comes out of being an unironic drolo in main dtblr is negativity and a first hand invitation for critblr to settle in our fandom again. i don't know about any of you, but me personally i am not up to seeing this place go down the same rabbit hole it did last time.

#long post #neg

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idkmanimjustawh0re · 2 years

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Homebound

Reader x seed Brothers soulmate au

3k words

On everybody's 21st birthday They gain a soulmate, many dream of their 20's for that very reason the idea of a soulmate was appealing to the masses, the idea that someone would love you gaping wounds and all? It was just too good to be true

______

"Deputy?" Whitehorse said breaking deputy from their trance she had been staring at the joseph seed video for quite some time something about him was familiar and yet unnerving she was sure she had never seen this man in her life so what was with this strange connection she suddenly felt now

"I wouldn't bother with that now the internet out here is sparse" he was correct as a few seconds after he said that the device had shown nothing more than static.

You nod but say nothing about the strange feeling you had in your gut.

Marshal doesn't seem to want you here. You've seen him throw looks at you the entire flight and you can't blame him you're quite new to the whole deputy thing— so you didn't have much experience under your belt. It was a surprise they even let you go on this mission.

You turn your head to the window and stare at the large statue of Joseph seed. It makes you feel a sense of dread.

The helicopter lands and you are immediately surrounded by unwelcoming cultists brandishing weapons your way.

You think for a second you see something in joseph seed's eyes something that completely stops you from putting the cuffs on him before you're snapped out of it by Hudson "put the damn cuffs on deputy" and you do and joseph seed smiles something about his smile is unnerving.

"God will not let you take me" he says and you usher him out of the chapel.

He was correct. The helicopter had fallen from the sky thanks to one of the cultists throwing themselves into the turbine.

You blackout but only momentarily you wake no less than a minute afterwards and struggle under the belt buckles scratching and clawing at them until finally they release you.

You took no time crawling out of the helicopter and into the woods hearing Joseph's men shout behind you.

It was a blur getting out of there you hardly remembered meeting up with Marshal nore the drive that threw you down into the river you were lucky Dutch saved you didn't turn you in or put the bullet in your head himself.

He was lucky to have you, you had no qualms about killing those that stood in your way, mainly the cultists— you were meant to save the people of Hope County. He just knew it.

✟✟✟✟✟✟✟✟✟

A sigh fell from your lips as you shot down the last cultists fuck in your way after being down in Hope county for the past 2 months you grew used to death and killing it used to give you nightmares— like when you were a kid except these nightmares far more gruesome then any little kids mind could come up with. You dreamed of dead bodies, and pools of blood your hands stained a deep maroon screams and groans of agony in the air. You used to wake up in a sweat, your eyes burning with tears as you recalled the nightmares but you never cried, you couldn't risk someone finding out though you knew no one here would blame you what with all the shit you've seen you couldn't help but feel ashamed.

You pull the radio from your hip alerting the others of another location that was taken back from the seed Brothers soon enough people would be filing in to fix the place up and hold down fort so the cultists couldn't come back.

Leaning back against your car you ponder how long it would be until you could finally go home, would it be sooner rather than later? probably not

In four months it would be your twenty first birthday

Which meant you'd finally be able to feel your soulmate bond— you feel kind of bad for your soulmate. You were stuck in some war that you weren't sure would ever let up, which meant you were in a constant state of stress they'd surely feel and that's unfair to them. And it's not as though you were chomping at the bit to see your soulmate although you couldn't deny the tingle of excitement in your abdomen at the idea you weren't exactly in the best state of mind to deal with those feelings you've heard from people like your mother that they were extremely overwhelming the moment they locked eyes and you weren't ready for something like that.

Sure enough people began flooding in as you watched from the sidelines getting a few thank yous before you decide to head back to Holland valley.

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Another month in hope county and you've had your second run in with John seed and he seemed even more deranged then last time he was pissed at you for plowing through his men and taking back most of the land — his fuckfaces had caught you with your proverbial pants down when you were just setting up a camp and they shot your ass with a fuckton of bliss bullets.

He went on his little tangent which ended in him asking who'd like the go first who would like to bare their sins to him—Hudson looked like shit she's certainly seen better days and it grinds your gears as you wondered just what he put her through.

"Yes" it slips out of your mouth, he smiles clasping his hands together you knew he was excited to get his hands on you. He rolls Hudson away, she screams and cries over the tape and it breaks a piece of your heart. You silently vow to yourself you'd save her no matter what.

Tugging at your bindings you began to rock back in forth in your chair before it falls down the stairs you think you might've cracked your head against the floor still you get up and find a way out of the torture room.

The whole place was like a maze you knew you wouldn't be able to find Hudson just yet you hated yourself for leaving her but you continued going with the sentiment that you'd be back.

When John found you gone he was no less than angry he wanted to finally teach you a lesson and he had the perfect tattoo for you he had decided that pride was your biggest sin, constantly toeing the line with him and his brothers you did it with such assurances it could be nothing but pride— soon it would be cut into your flesh. Soon he calmed himself, touching the knives on his table the ones he wanted to tear against your skin.

If Joseph had seen the hatred in his eyes he would surely be reprimanded as he had been before Joseph would only give him so many chances to stay he had to reign himself in.

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The next meeting with the seed Brothers had been with both Jacob and joseph a whole two months after John's meeting

You knew whatever Jacob was doing to you was leading somewhere he wouldn't do this for no reason but you couldn't for the life of you find out for now you rested your head against the metal bar and stared woozily at joseph seed. Your blood runs cold when he speaks of murdering his own daughter you wanted to yell and scream at him tell him how sick in the head he was but you couldn't whatever drugs Jacob had in you was making you unable to move.

You watched helplessly as Jacob wound up the box and everything went black.

When you woke up you were surrounded by dead bodies you didn't recognize but you knew you killed them sickness curled into your stomach and you held your breath at the stench of death.

You walked away from the scene with one thought

I'm going to kill the fucking seed Brothers

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You killed Faith a week after

You felt guilty when she died, because she was a victim of the seed Brothers, just a young girl, but it was a necessary evil to save Whitehorse and the rest — so why did you feel so guilty?

After her death you buried her in a field of bliss flowers facing the sunset. You hoped she would be okay with the placement you would've left her there like everyone else's bodies you left but you knew joseph wouldn't give a fuck he'd probably leave her body to rot and not give her a proper burial and she at least deserved that for what she had to deal with.

You spent the day carving a wooden cross and sticking it over her grave. You didn't know her date of birth or anything so the only thing you could put was her name. Once again you hoped she wouldn't mind.

The recording that follows after is as you'd expect soulless he talks about her coldly as if her death had no effect on him it made you clench your fists into the chair you were sat on you didn't really hurt him with this death you frowned at the anxious anger that makes you want to kill him

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1 month later

It is the day of your 21st birthday and yet you are stuck killing Joseph's followers . It sucks but it's the life you have now.

Twenty more minutes before you're officially twenty one you tell yourself— as another Peggy bites a bullet, there were tons of them but it's what you expect ever since the last meeting with Jacob he'd doubled his forces everywhere and as annoying as that was you understood why, he knew you weren't playing games when you took Faith's life he could see the sweltering rage in your eyes when joseph spoke of what he'd did to his only child— and he knew Faith's death was a message.

A knife into the Peggy's throat slicing the cartilage you leave them behind to choke on their blood you needed to be careful now you were getting closer to Jacob you just knew it — you couldn't afford to let him catch you off guard to finally use you like a tool once more to kill innocent men and women.

"Deputy-" a voice, his voice rang out tauntingly from the radio on your hip.

Gritting your teeth you grab it and await anything else the asshole might have to say

"You're making quite the stir, killing my men," he says and you can hear hatred "all to find me" he chuckles it's slow and deep and you hate that you thought it sounded nice. "I'm not going to bore you so let's get straight to the point, I'm ready to end this little game of ours, meet me at Joseph's chapel don't keep me waiting"

You frown at the term 'game' it makes sense for someone as cruel as him to see this as a game yet it angers you no less.

You make it in record time granted breaking every speed law possible but you wanted to get this over with because you don't want your soulmate's first emotion of yours to be something unpleasant and that's really all you feel when you think or see of the seed Brothers.

You slam open the chapel doors surprised to see the seed brothers waiting patiently. All three of the seed Brothers in one room this must be hell.

"not playing fair jacob?" You mutter wearily eyeing the brothers for weapons.

"Nobody said I had to play fair" Jacob said he looked like he was going to say more but Joseph raised his hand and you waited with baited breath watching Joseph take his sweet time to look at you and finally speak.

"The end is coming, deputy you can feel it can't you, can see it in the news, humanity is at its brink it's only so long until humanity as we know it finally collapses"

"I think you're crazy," you retorted.

"Well, whether you want to believe it or not this world will end sometime soon."

"And you believe your God has told you this?" You ask incredulously

He smiles though it isn't a real one "I know to you I look like a fool wrapped up in his own self grandeur but I truly believe I am helping these people if only you wouldn't get in my way" his voice now venomous he steps forward and you reach for your gun.

He doesn't seem scared.

"You, at first I couldn't figure out why God had allowed you to survive, after all he wanted me to save people and here he was leading you straight to us, and then I thought 'this must be my test" he takes a few more steps forward removing his glasses as he speaks and you point the gun directly at him watching for any sign of hostility

"You see deputy John thought you were pride, but I can see it in your eyes you are not pride you are wrath! Wrath that has been so misguided, what you need is a master someone to show you the way. I will be your master deputy. I will show you what God meant for you when he blessed you with the sin of wrath" your gun was against his bare chest now.

You look into his eyes ready to spit back a retort but you can't because when you look into eyes you can feel him it's almost as though you can feel his soul and it nearly knocks you to the ground with its power over you. you stop breathing and you watch as his face turns from confusion to excitement all the while you were still struggling with the information you had newly learned; Joseph seed was your soulmate you were all too aware of his emotions now his confusion anger hatred and then just like that it evaporated when he met your gaze "It seems God may have had other plans for us" joseph practically purrs stepping forth to touch you no doubt aching for skin to skin contact just as you were.

You step back instead of allowing yourself to fully feel him, you look to Jacob and then to John for help, maybe for them to shoot you yet instead you are shocked again when you can feel their emotions nearly as strongly as Joseph's.

John's hatred disappears and he looks at you with a boyish grin you would've thought charming if you didn't know who he was. "Deputy- I-I'm so excited God has decided to bring us together" he says striding forward excitement in his baby blue eyes.

you are not excited about this not one bit in fact you are terrified. terrified because a small part of you is begging to reach out and touch them to allow them to give you the love you desperately crave; when did you start craving love so violently that it makes you damn near sick!?

Even if your entire body craved them your mind did not it was restless looking for answer's; how could you be expected to love these murderers. They were sick and diluted and now an irrational part of you wished you could ease the sickness In them and fix whatever had started them down this path the rational part knew better. You knew better and so you took another step back.

John stopped in his tracks and frowned when he saw the clear as day rejection within your eyes; you wanted nothing to do with any of them and you made it clear with the look on your face.

You didn't know what to do anymore. The gun you were sure you'd have to use on the seed Brothers suddenly felt heavy. Suddenly you were unsure that you could, no, that you would kill them given the opportunity and you wished the ground would swallow you whole so you wouldn't have to make that choice so that you don't have to think about the fact that you were destined to be with three people who have tortured murdered and brainwashed innocent people; the people you swore to protect.

"Deputy-" you turned tail and ran listening to John and Jacob shout for you to come back but you didn't even spare them a glance you couldn't or else you were afraid you might be tempted to stay. You had come here with the intention of murdering Jacob seed and saving deputy Pratt and now you are running away from what was probably your only viable option.

You wanted to go home to leave this damn place and never come back. The idea itself was tempting but you knew you wouldn't be able to stay away.

It is only apparent to you once you're far away from the chapel that they had let you run that they didn't chase after you and a part of you was hurt perhaps they hadn't found you worthy enough? You shook your head reminding yourself that it didn't matter that you were still enemies and you'd have to kill them someday soon especially if you wanted to save Pratt and Hudson.

_______

John wanted to cry

The one person who was meant to love him scars and all just ran away from him— it was rejection and he knew it. The hatred he felt for the deputy completely disappeared and was replaced with a distant longing that made his insides ache.

"Joseph, why didn't you let me chase after them!?" He growled, turning to his older brother. He didn't understand what the hell Joseph was thinking when he had stopped John from chasing after what was rightfully his. What God had decided was his.

"They will come back, God would not give us them just to take them away" John didn't buy that shit it made no sense he and joseph both knew God could be fickle he wanted to trust his brother to believe him but he couldn't and joseph must've sensed that because he put an arm on his brothers shoulders "you need to trust me John, trust me like you always have— I can promise you deputy will be back they will be in our arms soon enough" he turned towards Jacob giving him a nod before sighing "let us return to our homes we need to rest and I need to ask God for guidance" John could only nod and bite his tongue and leave the chapel just as he and Jacob walked out the doors he heard a faint "trust in me as you will trust in God I swear deputy will not be gone long" he said nothing and response as did Jacob and left.

On the drive home he knew one thing

He was going to get the deputy back. What Joseph said didn't matter, he doesn't care if he has to fight Joseph every step of the way he will get his deputy and he will bring them home

_____

Might restructure this entire thing and make it into a fic who knows I didn't really like how this turned out tbh.

#joseph seed x reader #john seed x deputy #john seed x reader #jacob seed x reader

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imamonsterfxcker-sorry · 2 years

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*MY Opinions on dating the Obey Me! brother's*

Couldn't find someone to write it for me so I'm doing it my self(I've never written before, especially on Tumblr, but this idea is driving me insane so I'm putting it in words for my own sake)

Like i said this is mostly for my sake but if anyone can relate or has they're own thoughts on it pls tell me, would love to talk about this more. 😊

This is my opinion/reasons why i personally would never by romantically involved with any of the brothers

English is not my first language so excuse any/all Grammer mistakes cuz I'm also on mobile while writing this lmao

Warning: Slight NSFW (mostly talk), cursing, talk about hitting/hurting someone

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I still would be friends with them, i wouldn't treat them differently but when it comes to being romantically involved with them I would a hundred percent say no, regardless if I like them or have been with having sex with them for a while and feelings arose (so fwb or whatever).

So this is kinda my take on how would I be/explanation if the brothers sin got to much for me or if they were to ask me out and i said no and they were to ask me for the reason.

Lucifer - I (personally) would not date this man bc he's the embodiment of Pride itself and he refuses to be wrong(even if he is) and I'm way to stubborn so we'll clash a lot. Also something I've seen is Lucifer getting mad at mc for failing grades or whatever and MC apologizing like??? I'm sorry but who do you think you are?! Like I struggle with my memory and that frustrates me a lot so if i fail and this man starts to shit on me for it acting like he's a saint I'm gonna drag him out of anger. I'm talking about I'm gonna bring up every single thing he's done wrong, especially how he's the reason all he's brothers fell bc they followed him after he fell(this is mostly based on a other headcanon/theory i found a while back that really intrigued me). Like he'll have to kill me to shut me up bc I hate people criticizing others as if they're perfect or ignore their efforts to do good(like how they all bully mammon despite how they all use there sin as an excuse just like he does)

Mammon - so i wouldn't date him cuz he'll steal from me and if he does I'll brake his ankles without hesitation. Also while i do feel bad for this man being bullied despite greed being his literal sin if he were to steal from me(i collect a lot of stuff like Levi lol) i would make this man wish he died in the war or I would either make him get my item back, buy me a new one or pay back i spent. And honestly? If that were to happen, him stealing, i wouldn't really trust him anymore or at least have the same level of respect for him bc how can you be a thousand year old demon and not have a sure way to have money? Like? My man you're freaking greed! There are humans rn that are a thousand times more greedy than you'll ever be like wtf? How can you be outstaged like that? And he doesn't even really buy stuff(besides cars) he just spends it the minute he gets it but again how can you not know how to make money already?

Levi - sooo oof this is like so hard bc while Levi has almost the exact same taste in everything as me i wouldn't date him bc of his insecurities and hear me out. I know that makes me sound bad but i also have similar insecurities if not the same but i don't use them the same way i feel Levi does? Like i genuinely feel he uses them as a guilt trip bc he wants you and only you and doesn't want to share? Idk if that makes sense but i personally cannot be with someone that needs constant reassurance everytime you even breath near another person and i have my own issues to deal with so i can't be with him

Asmodeus - so here's the reason i won't date him and i stand by it a 100%. This man will cheat on you literally all the time and also he will make you insecure. I'm sorry but i refuse to believe that a single human can keep the avatar of Lust satisfied like that makes no sense to me? The minute y'all finish fucking he's gonna go out and get with some succubus bc he's still horny and ik for a fact he'll say it means nothing bc he loves you and you should understand bc of his sin. Now onto the insecurities, humans have a lot things that causes wrinkles or blemishes hell even ageing a year can change you a lot so i feel like Asmo would point that out A LOT as small comments like "mc try this new cream for your face" or whatever like at first it might seem sweet but it will bring you down.

Satan - okay so I'm actually very 50/50 with this man bc i feel like he'll be a good partner and he's the only one that actually tries to be in control of his sin but that's not always the case. Here's the reason i won't date him, i feel like it'll be a lot of like walking on eggshells with him bc from what I seen it's the small things that make him angry and i wouldn't want to be with a partner that might possibly hurt me for something i couldn't control you know?

Beel - again another character I'm very 50/50 with bc i genuinely see no issue with Beel or his sin. He does seem like a good partner that cares for them and his loved ones. The only issue i see is slightly similar reasons to Satans, that i might be in danger so it's like a gamble with them. Bc Beel goes full demon mode if he's to hungry or you eat his food(even though he's always eating your food), so that's dangerous bc he can hurt you/eat you.

Belphie - so I wouldn't date him for two reasons. One i truly believe this man is a narcissist or just plain psychotic. He'll gladly hurt you bc he knows with a few words you'll forgive him and come back. Two Just his sin. If you want to date this man DO NOT except to go out or celebrate ANYTHING bc he won't care/try to do anything. He'll sleep through it and not feel bad bc i feel like he'll say that you should know who he is by now and not be mad so yeah. Also he killed us so fuck him for that.

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So yeah that's that. Lol i only wrote this bc i saw some writing about the brothers sin and how MC would react but they seemed so sad?(on MC's part, like how MC handled it) Idk if that's the correct word it just seemed to basic? I'm aware that everyone's writing is different and how they interpret the brothers/MC so this is my take on the whole thing and how i would be.

#shall we date obey me #fanfiction #obey me x reader #obey me #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me beel angst #obey me beel #obey me satan #obey me belphie #obey me asmodeus #obey me smut #omgmyfirsttimewriting #obeyme #obey!me

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utilitycaster · 2 years

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So I wanted to cover that bit about the "not everyone gets the same amount of Christmas presents" that I mentioned here. The original quote from the EXU Calamity Wrap-up is:

"I didn't want it to be like Christmas where it's like, 'Everyone gets the same amount of presents.' (...) There's some people in this Brass Ring that are up to an asymmetrical amount of shady shit and that's realistic and that's going to create fun dynamics."

I think with actual play, there can be this artificial expectation that every does get the exact same amount of presents - focus, plot, items, etc - that we don't have as much for scripted works. Some of that is that in D&D, a few of these things are objectively quantifiable and some aren't and people struggle to evaluate equivalence (my endless struggle to get people to understand that the fact that some sorcerers get more spells is not game-breaking or unfair is indicative of this). Some is also that I think people take their own experience of playing D&D, in which you are deeply attached to your character and often see them as the main character of their story, and struggle with their favorite PC not being obviously the main character of the story on screen.

Critical Role gets this more than other shows, and I think some of it is that most other shows either have significantly smaller (3-4 people) parties or in the case of D20 are often more heavily plot-driven. Critical Role is also alone among the more popular shows in its lack of editing, so if one player is in focus, there's no way to condense all the little hems and haws and backtracking that is typical in D&D and so the plot focus seems longer. Its particularly long runtime means that a ten-episode arc focused on a character you're less invested in will take 3-4 months in real-time and 40-ish hours to watch. And finally, I think Critical Role's fandom has groups of people with pronounced preferences for certain actors that at least to me have little to do with acting/d&d skill or recurrent themes explored, and I have not seen this phenomenon elsewhere.

Getting to the actual topic though: the fact is, different characters require different stories! I think a prime example is Fjord having a particularly cool sword; he is a hexblade, and having a sword is a fundamental part of that class and serves as a symbol of the source of his powers, and on top of that he grew up having very little and so the possession of a special material item is meaningful to him in a way it wouldn't be to (for example) Beau, whose story is much more about overcoming the self-hatred she learned from her father's abuse; finding a position in the world she loves and in which she can excel; and in finding family in the Mighty Nein, in the Cobalt Soul, and with Yasha. Percy's story is deeply tied to a particular location and enemy such that it belongs in a self-contained arc with largely background development afterwards; Vex's story is a highly internalized one of constant slow progress with notable and consistent beats but no specific clearly defined arc throughout the entire campaign; and Keyleth's arc is a mix of concrete trials and ongoing personal growth. Or, going back to Brennan's original statement, Patia, Nydas, and Laerryn have background information that isn't present for the rest of the party because that's the story being told! It doesn't mean that Zerxus, Loquatius, and Cerrit don't have compelling backstories; it means that they are differently positioned within the city and the story and have their own specialized knowledge. In fact, giving these characters the knowledge that Patia, Nydas, and Laerryn had would significantly change the intent of those characters from what the players had planned.

Which is in fact another part of this issue: overall, I think most characters get a decent number of "christmas presents", but sometimes the fandom response goes further not just to quantity but also a belief that everyone should get the exact same things, too. I still recall people asking me about TLOVM and whether Vex and Keyleth had comparable screentime with each other, or if they had comparable screentime with the men in the story. These remain among the more baffling questions I've gotten - and I've gotten some weird ones - because it's such a profound lack of understanding how stories work. One would hope that all D&D characters get the same amount of development overall, but that does not necessarily mean the same amount of screen time.

Anyway: the questions to ask are not "who gets the most presents" because most people aren't great at defining what a "present" is or which presents are equivalent in the first place; it's "is this character getting developed in the story in a way that makes sense, and is the plot compelling to other characters around them even if it is for the moment centered on them."

#long post #anyway this is all to say most though not all of the time when people complain about too much/lack of focus it's...not well thought out #it's bc they're throwing a fit bc someone else's slice of cake is slightly larger even though THEIRS has the rose

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critterbutt · 2 months

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just woke up and read something that made me think so i am gonna babble about it now

my brain is broken.

genuinely, i have brain damage. scar tissue on my hippocampus. my doctors always theorized that is likely the cause of my anxiety, depression, and is almost definitely why im epileptic (even tho years back i had my regular test and it showed no signs of the activity associated with a seizure, they eventually told me to be mindful of the things that could trigger a seizure anyway, just to be safe. so i still say im epileptic)

and it's awful to know that any of those things could one day kill me. it's like my brain is... something i have to be wary of constantly

but.

and this part is fucked up to me

i am SO glad that my brain is damaged.

if i didn't have these weird bouts of paranoia or constant self-destructive thoughts or even those rare (and admittedly super scary) hallucinations or any of the other fucked up shit, i wouldn't make the art i do

i hate all those things but they have shaped me a certain way and i like that

and that's weird and fucked up but considering my penchant for being hugely pessimistic, it's also really good for me to find something positive amidst all that

idk it's just. i hate a lot about myself. but turning the literal pain i have from just existing into art that people can relate to or find cathartic is... it's precious to me.

that part of me that can turn my own struggles into something positive? and have people say they get it? i love it. i really do. it's an awful way to cope, stewing in my own head and constantly feeling unsafe while i do, but it's beautiful too

i used to be so angry and upset about my brain damage. i hated that it's what gave my art power. (can't think of another word)

now tho... idk. i don't mind half the time. im never gonna be able to fix the scar tissue on my brain, so i have to deal with it.

on the bad days im still gonna wish it wasn't there but

i am acknowledging that it has also shaped me into who i am and honestly? i don't hate myself as much as i used to

#okay that took me an hour to put into words so gonna get out of bed now #im so hungry #personal babble

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eddiemunhoe · 2 years

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and nothing else matters | eddie munson x reader

summary: reader is in a bit of a tight spot, and realizes during their musings what's really important. this was a little plot bunny that wouldn't stop bothering me! a short little drabble

warnings: cursing, mentions of dying, shortage of breath, a lil' angsty but some fluffy goodness at the end

word count: 1041

It’s funny, really. How things can seem so important when you’re young. It can feel like the world might end when you stutter whilst saying ‘here’ during roll-call at school. It’s like that when you’re in high school, you guessed. Nevertheless, it all seemed wholly unimportant now. How could you have worried so much about whether or not Ms. O’Donell would forget to collect the homework you’d ignored the night before? How did it feel like your life would end when some popular basketball guys tripped you in the hallway and everybody laughed? Not owning that one really cool walkman seemed like a really big deal last week.

Being worried about dating the only guy you’d ever had eyes for since years back because he was considered, amongst your friends, as a weirdo – seemed so fucking stupid when you were on the brink of death. It was only these last couple of days that you’d managed to talk to him. Whilst he was hiding because people thought he was responsible for a girl's death. You wished you’d had time to tell him how much he meant to you. How amazing he was.

Struggling to breathe, you truly cursed yourself for every little thing you’d agonized over. Your heart clenched at the way you’d screamed at your younger sibling that morning. With a cringe you remembered their hurt little face staring up at you. You even felt bad for being so cold towards your absent father, who’d probably had a rough upbringing too and couldn’t help how he treated you. A lone tear escaped your terrified eyes, as your fingernails clawed at the slimy vine that had wound itself around your throat, tight enough to completely cut off your air intake.

In your short life, it felt like you had already accumulated a great deal of regrets. The biggest one was probably not letting Eddie Munson know how much joy he’d brought to your life. Every one of his little outbursts of exasperation in the dining hall, or his snappy retorts to Ms. O’Donells’ evident memory loss had somehow managed to put a smile on your face – even when things had been shit at home.

It was him that you thought about now. The thought of his serene, doe-like brown eyes brought you some solace in your last traumatic moments. The way his long locks framed his kind face, and the way he’d smile a bit lop-sided sometimes felt like a soft blanket wrapping around you as your limbs started to feel colder by the second. It felt like it might be over soon. The edges of your vision had long since started to blur, perhaps due to the now constant stream of tears that ran freely down your cheeks, or perhaps due to lack of oxygen. Either way, it was starting to get dark now. You wish you could form words. Perhaps a whispered ‘I’m sorry’ would make its way back to your younger siblings, perhaps an ‘I love you’ would reach your mother, and perhaps a ‘I'm sorry I was too worried about what others thought’ would reach Eddie before you left the world.

It was all dark now, and your feeble attempts at drawing oxygen into your lungs echoed coldly in your ears. If this was what death felt like, it was rather loud. Bangs, screams and frantic voices could be heard, and you briefly wondered if this was some of your relatives retrieving you to some afterlife – how traumatic of them.

Your spirit guides, or whatever they were, were screaming your name. Over and over. Each time they sounded more and more desperate, frantic, frightened. They were trying to tell you something, but it all seemed so far away.

“Please! This isn’t how it’s supposed to go – I-i didn’t leave this time! I stayed! I tried, I really did– oh, fuck, fuck, please - not again,” the voice was familiar. Distraught and high pitched it sort of reminded you of when Eddie had one of his little tantrums. If you weren’t so out of it maybe you would’ve smiled.

“Son of a bitch!”

You briefly wondered if this was God laughing at you. Although perhaps she was trying to make your passing a bit more lighthearted? Or perhaps she thought Eddie’s frantic voice would ease your pain. And it did. You could hardly feel the vine around your throat anymore.

You could hardly feel the vine around your throat! With great effort, it seemed to take every fiber of your being just to manage to force air into your aching lungs. After a raspy, almost asthmatic sounding half breath, you gasped in a large breath of air as your eyes flew open. You could hardly remember closing them at all. Panting, you frantically started flailing your arms, trying to remove any threat to you as you realized you had lived.

Blinking, your vision was still slightly blurred as you frantically tried to see what was around you. Kneeling beside you, hovering over your frame was a long haired man who looked like he’d been through hell and back. His sweet eyes were filled to the brim with tears and he looked frightened. You took one look at him before you threw yourself into his arms and let panicked sobs wrack through your frame as your ordeal caught up to you.

“Oh, shit, fuck, son of a–” Eddie breathlessly muttered “I thought you– I didn’t think I– I thought I was too late,” he mumbled into your hair as his arms wrapped around you and kept you close to his warm chest. As his warmth started to seep into you, your body started to shiver and shake violently in his arms. Perhaps due to shock, or from being without oxygen for so long - either way, it made you cling to Eddie more desperately as you whispered how scared you had been, your words muffled slightly by his neck and hair.

“It’s okay, sweetheart - you’re safe, I’ve got you now” he repeated, rocking you back and forth soothingly as his rang clad hand stroked your hair softly.

“You’re safe,” and maybe that wasn’t the whole truth, but right now you chose to believe Eddie. You felt safe, there in his arms.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fic

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therealslimsanji · 5 months

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I support Palestine. I condemn the terrible actions of Israel's government has and is perpetrating towards Palestine over the years. And yet, for the life of me, I still wholeheartedly believe that Taz is not a genocide supporter and it pains me so much all the hate he's getting. My reason is this:

I'm from a country on the opposite side of the world from Palestine. I'm on the autist spectrum, and although high-functioning, I still have A LOT of difficulty communicating. I often rehearse conversations when alone, in some social situations I'm paralyzed and tense due to a constant fear of needing to solve social puzzles that actually aren't there (I can only describe it as "navigating" through mine field). I'm receiving therapy, and I've been progressing, but I still have a long way to go.

Why does this situation with Taz pains me so? Because if it were me in his place, I would also be mercilessly torn to pieces. I'm not a vocal person on any social media, I browse their content but all my profiles have little to no posts or activities and I'm not comfortable sharing info about me in bios. If I were to say something vague that could be misinterpreted or if I ever donated to the Red Cross or if I haven't donated much, I would also be accused of supporting or being indifferent to Genocide; and there would be no possible way for me to prove this is not the case because, like I mentioned earlier, I tend to be very private and not vocal on social media, and the people accusing me would only have my social media profiles as their source of info about me.

There's no way I can prove to anyone that I've cried after seeing all the footage of palestinians being murdered in cold blood. There's no way I can prove to anyone that I can't donate much because I'm already struggling economically (my parents are supporting me, I'm deeply grateful for that but I really want to live independently). And there's no way I can prove that I haven't been able to do more to support Palestine because my country is also experiencing so much injustice and tragedy.

They wouldn't have any mercy on me. I would be torn to pieces.

First off I wanna say that you did AMAZING here in terms of communicating yourself and your thoughts. I, too, rehearse conversations and have high anxiety about things I say getting misinterpreted and hurting someone's feelings. Before I make a phone call, I will go over what I'm gonna say over and over and over with myself first and even then once an actual person answers, I suddenly forget everything I rehearsed. But you did very good here 😊

Secondly, you and I are in the same boat. I'm pro-Palestine. I'm also in support of Taz because MY gut tells me he's not a supporter of genocide. As I've said before, he's probably donated to the BRC many times before and with all the other disasters and shit going on in the world, money to the BRC will also go into aiding victims of the recent earthquakes I'm sure. Among other things.

There are children-babies-caught in the middle of all this. On both sides. Women and their children who never asked for any of this. Why should they not receive help? It's so amusing to me that when the BLM movement was at its peak you had tons of people screaming "ALL lives matter!!" Do they, though? How can you think about the slaughter of children on either side and only sympathize with one group because the government of the other group is corrupt? I'm fully aware of how much worse the Palestinians are suffering. But neutrality can give the poor innocents a chance to survive and get tf out.

But back to Taz, I'm standing by my current judgement of him being innocent until he's undoubtedly proven guilty. The vague tweet about differences of opinions was so obviously in response to his wanting to support the BRC NOT genocide. Like, how can you call yourself a fan of his but turn on him so fast?

I'm also standing by him taking the tweet down and locking up his social media because of management advice. Since he's fairly new to fame, he mostly posted what he THOUGHT was the best response not realizing that it was vague enough to be completely misconstrued. Taz is a very smart man and is probably doing a lot of reflecting right now. I have a lot of confidence in him being a good person and learning from this mistake.

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alostlittleriverlotus · 9 months

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me simultaneously loving the extremely flirty sexual characters as an outlet for self love while also occasionally being reminded I'm not the beauty standard cause I'm chubby and fat and trying to not hate myself for it and having delusions that my comfort characters wouldn't want me even tho theyre fucking fictional and who says they won't like fat/chubby people. Also the struggle of being disabled and feeling unlovable for that too especially since, again, most of my comfort characters are the flirty sexual type (Asmodeus Obey Me, Ozzie Helluva Boss, Valebtino Hazbin Hotel, Angel Dust Hazbin Hotel, more that i am too brain foggy to mention) cause feels lile disability can't be sexy cause of fucking ableism and beauty standards and shit and feeling like my needs and accommodations make me less sexually attractive.

★Minor eating disorder/ED mention, internalized fatphobia and ed-based thoughts, just bullshittery about thoughts I don't like★

Like I KNOW it ain't reality and they're fictional and can like whatever, but having the reality that me simply being bigger and fat or having to have needs especially with constant fatigue and pain is exhausting. It's rare this happens cause I am pretty confident about myself and have undone a lot of that internalized shit, but sometimes it creeps up during my narc crashes and depressive episode where I'm like "fictional character will never love me!" Because I'm not some perfect person that has everything an abled person could have.

I hate the internalized shit. I've worked so hard and it STILL creeps up on me with my comfort characters since I've internalized that stuff for YEARS. Lemme be happy and sexy and cute and cuddly. It doesn't matter if I'm fat, it's still beautiful and sexy and charming. It doesn't matter if I have needs, my comfort characters would love me and love means you want to help your partner!

The worst is when my comfort character is super problematic (Valentino 💀) but they're my comfort character cause trauma and so you get reminded they're a pos and would be a pos to u. Not cause they're abusive, just cause they might be really shitty about body stuff. I like to think they wouldn't care as long as you got shit done minus the abuse, but still. Brain, forget reality, let me enjoy my fictional characters to cope with the fact I have really fucked up trauma and sexual trauma.

Also adding on top of that, being fucking delusional about it too so your comfort character IS real to u to an extent makes it ALL the more terrible when that reality of how the general public sees you hurts. Cause then you just have the comfort character in your head turning against you and it hurtssss.

And then also the disconnect between where you won't think or believe this with OTHER people, but with yourself you do which makes you feel worse cause you're aware it is just placed in you by the world but it doesn't make the feelings less real.

T3T

I dunno, I'm tired and fatigued so I'm ranting. This was all cause I saw a pic of 19 year old me when I was still gaining a lot of weight and thinking "man I looked good" and my thoughts instantly were like "Do it. Go back to it." Cause I've had an eating disorder and I DON'T want to go back to that. I hate the inherent instant thoughts of it that pester me. I'm fat and happy, I love being cared for, I am in a good place and I resent the fact these thoughts still pop up.

Also don't worry, I'm at a good place where those thoughts don't last long and I don't relapse so it's MUCH better than it used to be, I'm just ranting cause it's frustrating.

Plus this is all worsened by my NPD and HPD demanding to be attractive, absolute perfection, and a need to be alluring for attention. Having to rework/rewire that line of thinking after years of it is so difficult. I'm doing my best TvT

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