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#I wanna make a huge masterpost comparing them all
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Welp. I rewatched Coco so all four of them are back in my head now, all at once this time
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this feels dangerous somehow
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atlafan · 4 years
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My Everything - Part Six
A Take it Slow Sequel
What happens with Harry and Y/N after he proposes? How will the two navigate the engaged life while also continuing to juggle their jobs, friends, and families? Let’s find out.
Warnings: Fluff and smut.
a/n: not proofread fam, I didn’t have the strength.
Masterpost
“What do you think you’re gonna be for Halloween this year? I hope you step up your costume from last year.” You giggle with Niall at lunch.
“I know, Netflix and Chill wasn’t exactly original. We have somethin’ in mind, but we’re not tellin’ anyone. What about you guys?”
“We’re also keeping it a secret. I’m really excited El’s gonna stay with me while Louis and Harry are in Wisconsin.”
“Yeah, it’ll be good for you guys to get to know each other a bit more. Is it awkward at all that you and Sarah are in her wedding party, but Rachel isn’t?”
“Not really.” You shrug. “Mariah’s taking their photos and Rachel’s actually doing the videography, so she’ll still be there.”
“Oh good! I still can’t believe Harry’s finally gonna see a Packer’s game, he must be so excited.”
“He is! I’m sorry I couldn’t get a third ticket, it would’ve been nice for the three of you to go.”
“Nah, we don’t need to do everything together. It’ll be good for them to have a little trip just the two of ‘em, but I appreciate you thinkin’ of me.”
//
You get home from work, grab the packages waiting for you, and head up.
“Babe! The fabric for our costumes got here, I can start putting it together tonight!” You say as you come in. Buster trots over to greet you. “Hi baby boy, where’s daddy?”
“Daddy’s right here, pumpkin.” He comes over and kisses your cheek.
“Pumpkin?” You giggle. “That’s a new one.”
“I got a little inspired. I bought a couple today for us to carve, thought we could roast the seeds.”
“Oh that sounds like so much fun! We could put them out on the balcony for decoration too.”
“I was thinkin’ the same thing, baby.”
You and Harry eat a quick cauliflower crust pizza for dinner, and you get to work on the costumes. You were so excited to be making them, just like when you were a kid. Once you get a good chunk done, you both sit down to carve your pumpkins.
“What kind of face are you gonna make?” You ask him.
“I don’t really make faces, I like doin’ designs.” He says, concentrating with his sharpie.
“Alright, then what design are you going for?”
“Have you ever seen The Nightmare Before Christmas?”
“Of course I have.” He turns the pumpkin around to show you his sketch.
“It’s the dog.”
“Harry…I didn’t know you could draw.”
“A little here and there.”
“That’s gonna look really cool.” You look down at the triangles you’ve drawn on your own pumpkin. “I guess mine will look pretty sad compared to yours.” You laugh.
“Nah, yours will be a classic.”
You both cut holes in the tops of the pumpkins and take all the guts out. You separate the seeds into a different bowl so you can roast them later. You finish your pumpkin much sooner than Harry’s, so you go in the kitchen to work on the seeds.
“It’s all done, come look, I put some fake candles inside them. They look pretty cool on the balcony.” He says to you as he washes his hands.
“Oh wow!” You gasp. “You’re so talented, babe.”
“Not my best work actually.” He shrugs. “So I’m still comin’ to your office tomorrow to take those pictures?”
“Mhm. Apparently I’ll be in the winter edition of the magazine…I’m really excited! Zach put a really cool video interview together.” You both plop down on the couch while you wait for the pumpkin seeds to finish up in the oven.
“What did you talk about?”
“Why knowing your alumni network is important, why getting involved with clubs on campus is so important, getting out of your comfort zone to make friends, stuff like that. Then I talked about how I fell into the work I did, if it was my dream job, stuff like that. I talked about my hobbies. Even Buster was in the video for a bit. I talked about you too, of course, and how having a supportive partner can make a huge difference.”
“Aw, you didn’t need to mention me.”
“Well, you could see the pictures of us on my desk in the frame, so he just asked quick. I didn’t talk much about my personal life since that wasn’t the point of the interview. I also talked about why checking your benefits when job searching was a really big deal, and how I’m getting my master’s for free.”
“Yeah, that’s one of the reasons why I stayed with Plant Geo for so long, they had great benefits.”
“Speaking of benefits, when we get married did you want to come onto my insurance plan and all that? Or do you wanna keep the state’s?”
“It depends on how cost effective it is. More will be taken out of your paycheck, and it could just end up equaling the same as what I pay now…”
“True, I could talk to someone at HR and they could go over the plans with me. My copay is only like $10, not too bad.”
“Yeah, that’s really good actually. Man, that’s the one thing I miss about home, health insurance and medical bills are way less fucked up.”
“Yup, it’s all just big business here.” You sigh. “At least I work at a company that actually provides what I need.”
“Mhm, like your maternity leave? I still can’t get over that.”
“I think it helps that the CEO is a woman…she gets it, you know?” He hums his response.
“When exactly were you planning to get off the pill?”
“Oh god, I have no idea. We have so much time, I was thinking maybe a year before the wedding? I read that it can take like three months before you have a regular period again if you were irregular before you started the pill, and I was very irregular. Why?”
“Just wondering. I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for havin’ to use condoms all the time.”
“I guess we’ll just have to make sure we’re stocked up. Plus…it’s not like you’ll never be able to stick it in raw, you can, you’ll just need to pull out and come on me.” You shrug.
“You would be way too paranoid.” He laughs.
“Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, okay? Not something we even need to think about right now.” You hear the oven go off. “Seeds are done!” You kiss Harry’s forehead and go into the kitchen.
While the two of you were crafting he couldn’t help but think a few years down the line, having a toddler, and carving pumpkins with them. You’d probably put them in a cute costume for trick or treating as well. With how well you took care of him and Buster, Harry knew you were going to be an amazing mum someday. You come back out and sit down.
“Where are the seeds?”
“We can’t eat them yet, we have to wait for them to cool. They’ll burn your mouth.” He throws an arm around you and kisses you. “What?” You giggle.
“Nothin’, just love yeh.”
//
“Hi, Mr. Styles.” Trish beams at Harry when he comes up with his camera equipment.
“Trish, uh, you know you can just call me Harry, right?”
“I do, but you’re here for a professional purpose today. I thought we’d keep things formal.” She gets up and leads him down the hall to your office. “The CEO was thrilled that Y/N was being featured in her college magazine.”
“She was?”
“Oh yes, what a great way to plug Mark It. Maybe more young people will want to work here.”
“Right.”
She knocks on your door and opens it.
“Y/N?”
“Hi, Trish.” You say without looking at her, finishing up an email. It was nearly the end of the day.
“Mr. Styles from Styles Photography is here to see you.” She giggles.
“Ah, okay, send him in, thank you.” You smile and stand up from your desk.
“Did you tell her to be so professional?” He smirks. “They know me around here.”
“I didn’t say a thing.” You go over to him and give him a kiss on the cheek while Buster trots over to say hello to his daddy. “But…” You move to whisper in his ear. “It does create a new fantasy, doesn’t it?” You step back and blush.
“Don’t you start.” He shakes his head. “If I get my wheels turning on that…”
“I could really see it. A hot photographer coming to take my picture, you do that thing where you brush some hair from my face, suddenly we’re making eye contact…”
“Y/N.” Harry says sternly. “Enough.” You fake pout at him while he gets his equipment set up.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to rile you up.”
“M’not.” His face was flushed and his pants were growing tighter.
“Okay.” You scoff. He side eyes you for a moment and then gets back to his things. “So…how do you want me?” You ask in a genuine tone.
“Alright.” He stands up straight and walks over to you. He takes your cheeks between his thumb and index finger. “You’re not bein’ a very good girl right now.”
“I just asked a question.”
“Well, I-“
“Oi!” Niall says walking into your office. “You know the door’s open right?” Harry lets go of you and turns to look at Niall. “Probably shouldn’t be doin’ all that.” He smirks.
“Just gettin’ her how I want her for the pictures.”
“I hope that magazine is gonna give you credit.”
“They will.” You say. “I wouldn’t have let Harry do this if they weren’t going to put his name in. They’re even giving him free ad space at the back of it.”
“Oh, that’s great! Well, I’m headed out for the day. See you tomorrow.”
“Night.” You smile. Him and Harry wave each other off.
“Okay, can we be professional now?”
“Yes, I’m so sorry Mr. Styles of Styles Photography.”
“You’re a little bit goofy at the end of the, huh?”
“Just a little bit.”
Harry gets some good shots of you in your office, and a really nice one of you and Buster. He has you pack up your things, and takes you outside the building to get some nice outdoor shots before the sun sets.
“Thank you so much for coming to do all of this.” You kiss him. “I’ll see you at home.”
“Be ready for me when we get in.” He says, loading his car up.
“Be ready for what?” He walks closer to you and presses you up against your car, his hips pressing into yours. “Oh.” You blush.
“Yeah.” He kisses you and lets you go.
//
When you get home, you get Buster fed and some fresh water before going into your bedroom. You wanted to freshen up for your man. You were just putting on some fresh lace panties when Harry walks in.
“I appreciate the sentiment, but you can just leave those off.” He smirks.
You slide them back down your legs and kick them away as he approaches you. He grabs you by the back of your neck and tilts your chin up.
“What I don’t appreciate is you purposefully trying to get my hard when you’ve told me over and over that you don’t want to fuck in your office.”
“I wasn’t trying to make you hard, I was just playing around.”
“Just playing around, hm.” He nods his head and lets you go. He undoes his pants and sits down on the bed. “How about you play around with this?” He points to his crotch and you get on your knees in front of him. “Wait, let me grab you a pillow, honey.” He reaches behind him and hands it to you.
“Thank you.”
You get his hard cock out of his boxers and lick your lips before licking up and down his length. You suckle on his tip while your hand pumps him slowly. You look up at him, and he’s already looking down at you. It’s intense it makes you groan against him. You sink down further on him, and his hips buck up, trying to fit as much of himself in you as he can. You think of something, and you pop off him.
“Harry, I need you stand up.”
“Wh, why?”
“So it’s easier for you.”
“Easier for me to do what?”
“You know…fuck my face.” You mumble. His eyebrows shoot up, and he doesn’t hesitate to stand.
“You really want me to do this?” His hands cup your cheeks to get a better grip on you.
“Mhm.”
“You’re gonna gag a lot.”
“I’ll work through it.”
“Just tap my legs if it gets to be too much, okay?”
“Okay.”
You grip his hips and open your mouth wide for him. His slides back in and moans softly from how good your mouth feels on him. He thrusts in and out slowly, going a little deeper each time. He had hit the back of your throat before, numerous time, but usually you were the one in control of that. Your eyes start to water as his pace quickens, and you try to focus on just breathing through your nose. When he hears you gag he slows down to give you a second, and then he jumps back in to what he was doing before.
“Fuck, Y/N.” He groans. “I’m gonna come.” He pulls out, and you leave your mouth open. His comes onto your open mouth, neck, and chest. He helps you up before he sits down on the bed. “Jesus, I think I’m light headed.” He chuckles and runs a hand through his hair. He looks at you, and you’re not saying much as you stand there naked in front of him. You had an odd look in your eyes. “Shit, let me go get a rag to clean you up, baby.” He stands back up, kisses your forehead, and rushes into the bathroom. He comes back out with a warm rag and wipes up your chest. “You did really well, took it all down that pretty throat of yours. Felt so good.” He steps back and looks at you. “There, all clean.” You blink at him. “Are you alright?”
You tap your throat and try to speak but it comes out really scratchy and hoarse. You try to clear your throat but it doesn’t help much.
“Lemme get you some water…maybe I was a bit too aggressive.” You grab his wrist. “What?”
You tug at the hem of his shirt, and he gets the idea. You wanted him, the water could wait. He gets you on the bed, and hovers over you. His lips find yours, and he sucks on your bottom lip. He plants gentle, wet kisses down your body, stopping to suck on one of your nipples. He twists your piercing between his teeth, making your head roll back. His hand slides between your legs while he continues to work your breasts. His middle finger runs up and down your slit before entering you. You gasp when he starts to curl it up.
“You’re so wet f’me baby.” He mumbles, switching to suck on your breast. He slides a second finger in and pumps in and out of you.
You grind against his hand, and he lets go of your breast with a pop. He retracts his fingers, and slides them up to your clit. Your mouth falls open and you moan out his name when his tongue enters you. You hear him groan as he moves his tongue in and out of you, and you tug on his hair.
“Harry.” You moan again, throat dry and hoarse.
He head your legs shaking. Your voice cracks as you cry out from your release. He continues to rub your clit as you come down. He grabs your hips and flips you over gently, spreading you apart and entering you. You loved how quickly he could get hard again. His chest was flush with your back as he rocks in and out of you. His hand snakes underneath you to rub your clit and you feel like you just wanted to melt. It still amazed you how much he paid attention to your body. It was never about him getting his, it was about this mutual pleasure that only you two shared.
Everything felt really good, and you were overstimulated.
“Oh my god, don’t stop.” You say in a raspy voice. “Fuck, Harry, that’s so good.” You clutch at your blankets and pillows. He bits down on the back of your shoulder as he feels you come around his cock.
His thrusts get sloppy and quicken, and a few moments later he’s filling you up. He pulls out of you slowly and rests on the bed to look at you. He smooths some hair out of your face and you smile at him.
“My throat really hurts.” You giggle.
“I know, I’m sorry.” He kisses your nose and gets off the bed. He wiggles his boxers up his legs, and watches you walk into the bathroom. “M’gonna get dinner started.” You give him a thumbs up and he leaves you to clean yourself up.
You come into the kitchen in a pair of light sweatpants and a t-shirt. Buster comes over to you and you pat him on the head. You guzzle down a nice glass of water and try to clear your throat. Harry was working on a stir fry.
“Why’d you want me to do that to you, I feel bad…”
“I don’t know.” You cough, and clear your throat again. “Just thought of it. I like when we take turns being more in control of those things.”
“But I hurt you.” He frowns.
“No! It was fine, it was just different. See, I’m all better now.” You smile. “My throat just got dry.”
“Okay.” He kisses the top of your head and puts his attention back to dinner. “Just veggies and rice, that okay?”
“It’s perfect, thank you.”
You sit down at the island and wait for him to finish preparing everything. He makes a plate up for you and he sits down next to you. He tells you about his day at the studio, and how cute some of the little kids in their costumes looked.
“I still can’t believe parents pay to have Halloween cards sent out.” You laugh.
“I choose not to question it. If these rich people wanna pay me for these little things, I’m all for it.”
“Oh, definitely! I think it’s great you’re doing all these little sessions.”
“The Thanksgiving sessions are all booked, and there’s only a few Santa sessions left open.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“All that social media stuff you do makes such a big difference, that’s why so many people are signing up.”
“It’s nice getting to work together in this capacity.” He stands up and takes both of your plates.
“My sweet girl.” He says as he kisses your head before putting the dishes in the dishwasher. “Wanna watch TV for a bit? I’m beat.”
“Mhm.”
Harry lays down on the sofa and you lay in front of him so he can spoon you. You were nearing the end of the third season of Glee.
“God, the show got so hard to watch after these last few episodes.”
“Why, baby?”
“Just everything with Rachel and Finn, you’ll see.”
You get to the last episode of the third season. You both sit up so you can watch intently. You were sobbing already, and Harry was getting to that point himself.
“Wait…he’s not goin’ with her?!” He looks at you. “I mean, I wasn’t in favor of them gettin’ married right away, but…he’s sendin’ her off to New York alone?”
You couldn’t even speak you were so upset.
“Finn, no, what the fuck?!” He looks at you again. “That’s how they ended it?”
“Yes.”
“And you had to wait an entire summer to know what happened next…Jesus.” He wipes his eyes. “This show is fucked up.”
“You said it.” You wipe your own eyes. “Come on, we need to go to sleep.”
“You can’t be serious, we need to-“
“Harry, it’s already after ten, come on. We can watch more tomorrow.”
“Okay, but only because I wanna cuddle some more.”
//
“Morning, Harry.” Isaac says as Harry walks in.
“Mornin’.” He takes his coffee from him. “Ah, thank you.”
“So your day is going to be interesting.”
“Define interesting…”
“Lot of single moms and their kids…”
“Oh, why is that interesting?”
“Look at the reviews of you on Facebook.” Harry comes around to Isaac’s computer to look. “See, this one says, both Harry and Mariah are extremely professional, I’m very happy with their work.”
“That’s…I’m very confused.”
“Look at all of the comments. Harry was amazing with my son, I can’t wait to bring my kids to see him, I wouldn’t mind him taking my photos…and they sort of escalated from there. You know how wine moms can be. I made it so some of them weren’t visible.”
“These people do know we do any type of portrait, they don’t just need to have their kids involved.”
“You’re missing the point. They’re thirsty for you.”
“Thirsty?” He scoffs.
“I notice them flirting with you from time to time.”
“A lot of people flirt with me.” He shrugs. “I just don’t flirt back.”
Just then a young woman and he toddler walk in. Her daughter was already dressed like Bat Man.
“Woah, looks like the Dark Knight has arrived, Isaac.” The little girl giggles.
“I had hoped she’d want to be a princess, but she insisted on Bat Man.” The mother sighs.
“Nothin’ wrong with that, is there?” He smiles. “I just need a few minutes to get settled and set up. Isaac can get you anything you need.” He turns and goes upstairs to his office.
“So, how’d you hear about us?” Isaac asks.
“Word of mouth. One of the other moms at Janey’s preschool raved about someone named Mariah, but she was all booked up today. Then someone else mentioned Harry might have more open spots since he owns the place.” Isaac nods. “I heard he’s very talented.”
“He is.” Isaac smiles.
Harry comes down shortly and gets his spot set up the way he likes. Mariah was in her office editing photos.
“Okay, Janey, I mean, uh, Bat Man, come on over.”
The little girl runs over to Harry.
“Janey, don’t run! I’m so sorry, she never listen to me.” The woman huffs.
“No worries.” Harry smiles and looks down at the girl. “Is it okay if I lift yeh up and what not?”
“Mhm.”
“Thank you.”
Harry picks her up and puts her on a chair decorated for Halloween. There were pumpkins and other Halloween things around her.
“Smile, Janey. Grandma’s gonna want to see that pretty face.”
“No.” She pouts. “Bat Man doesn’t smile, mumma.”
“She’s right.” Harry says. “But sometimes he does.”
“He does?” Janey asks.
“Oh sure. Right after he gets a bad guy, like when he sends the joker to jail, that makes him really happy.”
“Okay.” She giggles and Harry snaps a shot.
He’s able to get a lot of great shots of her, and wraps everything up. He hands Isaac the SD card from the camera. Lately, Harry had let Isaac touch up these simpler photoshoots.
“Isaac should have these to you in a couple of days with the design you chose.”
“Thank you so much, Harry. I haven’t seen her have so much fun since…well, I won’t bore you with my problems.”
Isaac has to refrain from making a gagging noises. He knew exactly where this was headed.
“You’re a single mum?” Harry asks.
“Mhm, it was all for the best, but she misses her daddy.”
“Yeah, that’s, uh, gotta be tough.” Harry and Isaac make knowing eye contact. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go give my fiancé a ring before my next appointment. It was nice meeting the both of you.”
Harry slips away and almost runs up to his office.
“Oh, he’s, um, not single?”
“Nope, very taken.” Isaac smiles. “Will that be cash or credit?”
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ladyfogg · 5 years
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Cold is the Night - 12/20
Cold is the Night - 12/20
Fic Summary: You and Pat have known each other for years but this summer, everything will change. As the two of you start to grow close, your matching tempers threaten the foundation of your rocky friendship and prevent both of you from realizing your true feelings. Cold is the Night Masterpost. 
Fic Song: Cold is the Night by The Oh Hellos. Fic playlist can be found here. 
Pairing: Pat Murray/Female Reader
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Language, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Multiple Chapters
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Gif by @mazzelloplots
The party was insanely fun. 
You and Pat spent the whole night together, drinking and laughing with the guys. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders. With Pat at your side, everything seemed to feel right. 
By the time the party started to wind down, you both were too tipsy to drive. Thankfully, your house was a short walk away.
Even though you didn't discuss it ahead of time, you knew he was coming back to your place. 
"Take me home, Murray," you slurred, arm slung around his shoulders. 
"You're gonna have to lead the way cuz I don't even know where I am now." Pat's voice was equally messed up and you both burst into giggles.
He leaned in for a kiss that you happily granted. You were vaguely aware that the guys were catcalling but you just flipped them off. 
Pat's arm slid around your waist and you pointed him in the right direction. "It's this way." You didn't even bother to say goodbye to the others. 
"Have fun you two," Gina teased as you and Pat stumbled off down the road.
You had been walking for about five minutes before Pat pulled you in close. "I missed you soooo much."
"I missed you too."
"You're pretty. Did you know that?"
"You may have mentioned it once or twice."
"Well, I'm gonna do it more!"
You hugged him as the two of you kept walking. You felt like you were on a cloud. 
"Fuck I'm tired," Pat mumbled as he placed a kiss on your temple. 
"Me too. Kinda horny though."
Pat raised his eyebrow in interest. "How horny?"
"Definitely second base. Maybe third."
Pat pumped his fist in excitement, seemingly no longer tired. "Yessss! Are we there yet? Where are we?"
By some miracle you managed to reach your house, unscathed. As soon as you closed and locked the front door, Pat was all over you, kissing you just as fiercely as he had on the porch.
Stumbling, you both kicked out of your shoes before you pulled him by his shirt toward the bedroom. Pat's hands were already fumbling with his belt buckle, which you were more than happy to help him with. His jeans fell around his ankles and when he tried to step forward, he tripped into you. 
You caught him but the momentum knocked you both onto the bed, laughing.
"Maybe we should slow down before we hurt ourselves," you said between peels of laughter. 
You blindly reached for the lamp on the nightstand, turning it on. It cast the room in a soft glow without blinding you. It was bright enough for you to see how hilarious Pat looked tangled in his jeans.
He giggled as he tried to kick out of his pants. "I'm stuck."
Alcohol and happiness made everything funnier and it took a ridiculously long time for you to help Pat untangle himself. Eventually, he managed and you set to work unbuttoning his shirt.
"So second base, yeah?" Pat reiterated.
"Oh yeah. Not sure I have the coordination for anything else."
"What if I do?"
"What do you mean?"
Pat put his hands over yours to stop you, forcing you to meet his gaze. The look he gave you was like nothing you'd ever seen before. His pupils were so dilated, you couldn't see the hazel irises anymore. 
"Can I go down on you?"
The sudden question and mental image sent heat straight down to your core. However, in the back of your mind, you also felt a tinge of anxiety.
"I...I can't return the favor," you said. "Not right now. Too much wine."
"I know. I don't care," Pat said. His eyes swept your still-clothed body hungrily. "Second base is great, but I wouldn't mind stealing third."
You snorted at the corny baseball joke, making him grin. Considering his offer, your eyes fell to his lips, imagining them kissing their way down your body…
You hadn't had the best experiences with oral, giving or receiving, but you weren't entirely opposed to either. You had to remind yourself that Pat was different. He seemed eager and excited by the idea, which in turn made you feel the same.
Straddling his lap, you took his face between your hands and kissed him deeply, moaning as his tongue swiped at yours. When you pulled back, he was panting.
"Can't steal if it's given willingly." You paused. "Yeah, I get the reference but maybe we shouldn't use 'steal' in this context."
Pat wrinkled his nose. "Good point." He fell silent for a few seconds. "So, like, yes?"
"Oh. Yeah, definitely."
"Awesome."
He wrapped his arms around you and the next thing you knew you were on your back with him leaning over you. As he shrugged out of his shirt, you pulled yours over your head. 
Pat froze, eyes straying across your almost bare chest. You made a slow show of undoing your bra before you casually tossed it over the edge of the bed. He bit his lip, eyes hooded as he pulled you into another kiss.
You hurriedly tried to unbutton your jeans but in your overeagerness, your fingers kept slipping on the button. With a swear, you pulled back to try to see what you were doing.
"Stupid pants!" you mumbled.
Pat pushed your hand out of the way and practically ripped your jeans open, sending another wave of heat through you.
"Damn, Murray, that was hot!"
Grinning, Pat took the sides of your pants and pulled them down your hips. "It was completely accidental."
Both of you were down to your underwear, a noticeable tent in his. You yanked him into another kiss, laying back down. Pat covered your body with his own, the heat of him chasing away any chill from the AC.
He pulled the blanket up to cover you both, settling against you before leaning down for more kisses. The absence of clothing brought another level of intimacy between you. There was nothing in the way when you ran your hands up his back or when he palmed your breast, thumb grazing your nipple in excitement. 
Hooking your leg around his waist, you ground yourself against his clothed erection, gasping with pleasure. Pat whimpered, burying his face in your neck. He rocked his hips along with yours and you could feel the outline of his cock as it grew harder.
It was way more intense than when you dry-humped on the couch. Your arms teamed with goosebumps as Pat massaged your breast, teasing your nipple until it was stiff between his fingers.
Before you could fall into a rhythm, Pat placed kisses down your neck and along your collarbone as he started to move downward. As excited as you were, you were also still nervous. Your heart rate spiked as his hand stroked your other breast, kisses leaving a trail between them both.
You knew he could feel your heart under his palm and he paused, looking up at you in worry.
"Are you okay? You wanna stop?"
"Don't stop," you begged. "I'm fine. Just a little nervous. It's been a while."
Pat smiled and gave you a soft kiss. "If you're not ready, it's okay. We can do what we did last time."
You couldn't understand how amazingly considerate Pat was. There he was, almost naked and clearly turned on but still willing to stop and check-in with you. It made you want him even more.
"Oh, I'm ready. I'm curious to see what else that mouth of yours can do."
A mischievous grin spread across his face and Pat wagged his eyebrows. "Let me show you."
You weren't used to this Pat. This wanton, dominant, man who looked ready to devour you at any second. If you thought you he was attractive before, it was nothing compared to that moment. There was a subtle confidence about him that took your breath away.
Spurred on by your encouragement, Pat continued his path downward. Aside from a few pecks along your breasts, he ignored them in favor of scooting down the bed. 
Carefully, he took the edges of your panties and, when you lifted your hips, slowly drew them down and off. Once they were out of the way, he kissed along your hip, hands stroking your bare thighs.
With a blissful sigh, you settled back against the pillows and forced yourself to relax. Pat's hot breath ghosted across your wet folds before you felt the unmistakable sensation of his tongue.
You gasped, amazed at how sensitive you already were. Pat gave you a few slow licks, acquainting himself with your taste before burying his head between your thighs.
Small shocks of pleasure radiated from your core, forcing your body into a constant state of movement. You grabbed the headboard, the bedspread, the pillow, the comforter...anything and everything that was within your reach. But nothing felt solid enough to keep you grounded. 
Pat's exploration was thorough, his tongue tracing every fold and seam as time slowly dragged on. He was in no rush, taking all the time he wanted. When he circled your clit, you gasped so loud he actually chuckled, the subtle vibrations rocking your body. 
"Fucking hell, Murray," you moaned.
He hummed, mouth too preoccupied to respond. His lips closed around your clit and he started to gently suck. You doubled over, thighs clamped around his head to keep him in place. Your hands buried themselves in his red hair as you couldn't help but watch him eat you out.
His eyes were closed, long fingers leaving marks on your thighs as he gripped them tightly. Your hips rocked against his mouth, loving the friction but demanding more. 
He must have felt you staring because he looked up, pupils blown wide as he stared at you with such devotion, you almost cried. You don't know how long you stared at each other. 
There was no one who ever made your body sing the way Pat did. No one who looked at you like you were a fucking goddess. He pulled back slightly to catch his breath, his lips red and glistening from your arousal.
Wordlessly, he took your hands and twined your fingers together as he forced you to lay back down. It was a sweet and gentle gesture, which was immediately followed by roughness you weren't expecting. 
Once you were on your back, he sucked on your clit again, using his upper body to pin your hips to the bed.
Your orgasm was building but not quite fast enough. "Touch me," you begged. "Pat, please touch me."
One hand left yours and a second later you felt the tip of his finger stroke your opening, wetting itself in your arousal before he ventured forward.
Stars exploded before your vision, your body covered in a sheen of sweat as he started to finger you. All the while his mouth never left your clit and when he added a second finger, you couldn't handle it.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
Your body was constantly moving, trying to take over the pacing but unable to with Pat holding you down. Through tear-filled eyes, you caught sight of him smirking.
Motherfucker was teasing you. Keeping you on the edge on purpose.
"I'm so close, Pat. So fucking close, babe. Please."
Pat moaned when he heard you beg. His movements sped up, sloppier in his eagerness to get you off. You felt the pleasure mounting, hovering just out of reach until the tips of his fingers found your g-spot and then, you were finished.
You came. Loudly. Messily. Violently. Your body convulsed, thighs nearly crushing Pat as you ground against his face. It was the hardest you had ever come and when you finally fell back, gasping and dizzy, Pat lifted his head, panting. 
"That was the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen," he declared. 
With a whimper, you reached for him, pulling him up to lay next to you. Kissing him deeply, you didn't care that you could taste yourself on him. Pat cupped your cheek, drawing you close to his chest.
His rock hard erection jabbed you in the stomach and you found yourself pushing his boxers down just enough to get your hand around him. He wriggled out of them, kicking them to the bottom of the bed.
Pat swore, his forehead dropped to your shoulder as you jerked him off. He was thick in your hand and you wanted desperately to take a peek at what he was working with, but his mouth found a sensitive spot on your neck and you forgot to look.
Writhing together, his breathing became erratic, hips thrusting into your hand. Eating you out had apparently gotten him so riled up, he wasn't going to last much longer.
He panted your name, his tongue in your ear. "I'm close."
"Come for me."
Pat kissed you deeply, only to be forced onto his back when you attacked his neck with kisses and playful bites. He cradled the back of your head, hips thrusting up into your hand and then, he was coming with a loud moan, his release coating your hand and thigh.
It was the hottest sound you've ever heard.
You pumped him until there was nothing left, only stopping when he laid a gentle hand on yours.
Breathless, you lay in a sweaty, panting, sticky mass of limbs, unable to move or speak.
Pat pushed your messy hair out of your face so he could get a good look at you. "For fuck's sake...that was...what the fuck."
"Jesus, Murray. I knew you had a mouth on you but damn."
He gave you a lopsided grin. "Was it good?"
"Good is an understatement. That was fucking spectacular."
He looked pleased with himself. "I haven't actually done that before so—"
"What?! Bullshit."
"No, seriously. I've had sex but never went down on someone. Always wanted to. Never had the chance."
"Well, feel free to do it anytime. I'm sure as hell not gonna stop you."
You both were so wrapped up in your afterglow, you fell into silence for a good five minutes. Until you felt the stickiness on your thigh. "We should clean up."
"Oh, yeah. Hold on, let me get it." Pat slowly pushed himself up to sit. He slipped out of bed and into your bathroom, coming back with a warm washcloth.
You reached for it but he waved you off, cleaning your thigh and hand gently. Once he was done, he wiped himself off and threw the cloth over his shoulder. When he climbed back into bed, you immediately wrapped yourself around him as he pulled the blankets back over you both.
The two of you lay together, naked and satisfied. Pat's arm was tucked under your head, his fingers playing with your hair.
You hummed in appreciation, burying your nose into his neck. "By the way, I'm not seeing anyone else. Nor do I want to."
"Me neither."
You traced absentminded patterns on his chest. There was a question that you wanted to ask and while you were afraid of it earlier, it didn't seem so scary anymore. "You wanna do this then? Officially."
Pat placed several kisses on your forehead, hugging you close. "More than I've ever wanted anything in my life."
Sleep tugged at you persistently and you were more than willing to answer the call. Especially in Pat's arms. 
"Good. Me too."
You could feel his smile as he tucked his face into your hair with a dreamy sigh. Your name was whispered and you hugged him tightly. For the first time in weeks, you fell into an easy, dreamless sleep.
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shijiujun · 5 years
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History3: Fanmeeting in Seoul on 24 Aug!
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WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THIS TO ME?!!! I both love and hate this because firstly they keep making the fanmeets so damn accessible like literally I know exactly where the building is and how it looks like because I go to Seoul so frequently and asjkfklkflkadkjadjkd (and yes, I do remember my aftermath post but wow they are making it so difficult!!!!) And also part of me is really, really happy that they’re so popular even overseas now?! 
I can just imagine them going for Korean food and if Xiao Yi and Chen Chen are going to host the event with a translator - I BET THERE WILL BE A VARIETY SHOW SEGMENT AFTER THE EVENT AS WELL like the segment Chris and Jake did for Hong Kong which means more footage for us!!!! AND ALSO we have Kenny who’s in love with Korea and can speak pretty okay Korean so that’s nice for Chris, Jake and Andy - you can imagine Kenny helping the three of them around and omgahhh love it (although, Jake may have to rush back to TW for his filming schedule if he’s that busy)
Anyway, the four of them look SO HANDSOME in this poster (so now we know what the photoshoot where Kenny was standing on a block to be at the same height as the other three was for - it is for the Seoul fanmeeting + my guess is that it’ll be for the signed poster)
What we know so far:
Ticketing is a little bit different than usual - I checked out the Naver site and you can’t buy the tickets directly from the site, you need to leave a specified comment in the forum post’s comments section on July 11, 8-9pm and then they’ll contact you directly or something like that to pay for the ticket and if you successfully got the ticket
It looks like there are only 282 tickets for this event (I’M SO GLAD!!!! They can have a nice, relaxing session with the fans and don’t have to be too tired with the hi-five situation and they can prolly do more fun games as well!)
Each ticket costs 170,000 won (which is about $170USD - if you want to compare, I paid about $80USD for my ticket for the Taipei fanmeeting)
Tickets will be distributed on the day itself 2 hours before the event 
Because it looks like there are lesser fans and seats this time, every fan gets to
Hi-five
Signed poster confirmed
And the site says the group photo is 1:4 - which I think means that each fan gets to take photo with all of them alone (jfc not making it any easier for me seriously)
Okay to cope I suppose I will do a masterpost of all the fanmeets that’ve happened so far (and where to find content) and also for those that are upcoming to take my mind off this FOMO - But a first comment is, wow Korea, did you guys have to revolutionise the ticketing process seriously - bank transfers and on-site ticketing collection?!!! Which era are we living in?!!!
I bet all of you that there are going to be A GAZILLION fans from China trying to get to this fanmeet in Seoul because it’s so close and flight tickets aren’t too expensive, even if this time the fan meet tickets are more expensive than any of the previous fanmeets + also Jake’s fan base is really huge in China and the Chinese fans were a little upset that he wouldn’t be turning up at the upcoming Chengdu fanmeet (but also there’s still the fanmeet in Taichung after the one in Chengdu but if fans have already been to Taipei who wouldn’t want to make a holiday out of the Seoul trip right HAHAHA) PLUS THE PROMISE OF A 1:4 PHOTO?!! AND A SMALL FAN MEETING?! WHERE YOU GET MORE ATTENTION?!!
I assume that the Japanese fans will be trying to get tickets here as well due to proximity and of course the Taiwanese/Japanese fan club leaders (some of them are really awesome btw) - It’s going to be quite interesting to see the tickets being sold out!! Haven’t really seen many Korean fans actually but I love that the four of them are so popular everywhere!!!!
But more importantly: Fandoms in Korea and the act of fangirling is a SPORT in Korea like after being in the SJ fandom for so long, some Korean fans are literally the best - Their photos are unbelievably good and they’re super organised and it’s a total experience 
And yes part of me is like... a little mind blown - Chris, Jake, Andy and Kenny are the nicest people ever and it does make u wanna go see them again but no, stebeee will not do it, stebeee has no more money and is tired (am i really) BUT IT’S KOREAAAAA it reminds me of my SJ days when we’d go to the airport to wait for them to come out and stuff like that I think if any of you are going and went to the airport to wait for them to arrive you’d definitely see them and up close jfc
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herefortheace · 6 years
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Masterpost: People in “Ace Discourse” DO Hate Aces and Aros
And it’s despicable and scary and it needs to stop.
I’ve made most of this post before, but I’m creating a new one because 1) I didn’t expect how long it would get and failed to include a by now much needed “read more” at any point and 2) tumblr won’t let me update the old post anymore via reblogging.
So before I copy the old links and add new ones, a not so brief explanation of why this is necessary.
People, for some reason, after years of blatant evidence to the contrary still claim “ace discourse” has NOTHING to do with anyone hating aces and aros, that not even a single person involved (or anywhere) does. By blatant evidence for people here hating aces and aros, I mean everything from pathologizing our identities to comparing us all to violent misogynists and white supremacists to wishing harm and death on us. Yet the anti-ace/aro crowd will claim we’re just making it all up because we’re hysterical liars who “wanna be oppressed”. It’s a blatant and nasty silencing tactic, but sadly not ineffective because people fall for that shit.
Which is why I originally made this post and am now making it again.
A too influential bunch of people on this site have spun a wild narrative wherein aces and aros are this super privileged group of people who essentially can’t be harmed and whom it’s therefore funny to treat like shit. They also act, over and over, as though asexuality and aromanticsm are some sort of evil idoelogy rather than minority orientations.
A lot of us - most of us I see around - belong to various oppressed groups, but the anti-ace/aro crowd has worked hard to erase that, because it becomes very obvious very fast that it’s not funny to sexualize aces and aros or compare us to Trump or claim our orientations give us an “oppression fetish” when you keep in mind who exactly they are saying it to (I’ve spoken at length about the anti-ace/aro crowd’s efforts to erase aces and aros of color and how they make me furious as a WoC here, but you’ll find plenty proof among the links below). This is not just incredible bullshit, but harms especially the most marginalized of us.
As does the more general willingness of the anti-ace/aro crowd to throw misogyny, racism, ableism and all sorts of bigotry around as a weapon against us. A ton of the links here contain some seriously dehumanizing shit.
Whatever else you may believe, asexuality and aromanticism as identities do not confer any social privilege and do not make people impervious to or deserving of harm. And frankly I should not need to say this.
But apparently I do, and I also (after all this time still) need to prove we’re not just making it all up for attention or to trick people, so here we go. I’m mostly copying the old parts (1-8) of the list as-is because I don’t have time for anything else. Also, while my point definitely isn’t that every single person involved loathes aces and aros, this crap didn’t suddenly come into an already existing “ace discourse” (by that name) either - it’s a huge part of how it got started and was a deliberate move by many to make it gain traction.
This is by no means a complete list, but the shit the anti-ace/aro crowd on this site has pulled includes:
Comparing aces and aros to Trump  (and pretending this is funny)
Comparing aces to Pence 
Comparing aces to Ronald Reagan (and pretending this is funny)
Comparing aces to a literal slave owner
Making fun of aces not being accepted by their parents and of aces finding this upsetting (making it into a crytyping “joke”)
Making aces feel shitty/shaming them for telling their parents they’re ace because it’s supposedly “unnecessary”
Saying if we tell family about being ace, it’s no wonder if they send us to therapy
Doing their best to sexualize the orientations of aces, in so many cases. The link before these two is also connected to that. They treat our orientations like (graphic) details about “our sex lives”, frequently acting like if we want to talk about them ever we’re gross/creepy
This one is also “nice” re sexualizing aces (one of many examples of ppl also engaging in sex-shaming while they’re at it, saying only one’s partner should know anything about one’s “relationships with sex”. Except this person goes kinda even further)
More sexualization, when I say this freaks me out as a WoC, I’m told this white person gives no fucks and wants me to be miserable
Another person who says the identities of aces but also of aros need to stay between them and their Partners because they’re “TMI” and inherently sex-shaming somehow
Oh yeah did I mention, much the same with sexualizing aros and ppl frequently link our identities to misogyny and to using people while they’re at it
Making light and fun of ace WoC asking to not be sexualized because don’t we know aces have done Bad things and so we deserve it/don’t get to complain
One of many examples of white people who hate aces+aros talking over PoC and trying to erase us from our communities (+usually when we call that shit out they don’t care. This is actually one of the more cordial responses I’ve come across despite the lack of apology lol.
Another example of white ppl in the anti-ace/aro crowd talking over aces and aros of color here complete with that person condescendingly lecturing a PoC about racism
People like this saying outright they hate aces
Saying sex ed shouldn’t teach about asexuality
Outright stating they think being ace/aro gives people privilege (because supposedly aces+aros both benefit from conservatives pushing for abstinence)
Outright invalidating the identities of aces (who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have)
Calling asexuals demons
Outright calling aces and aros a “plague” and saying aces/aros regardless of other identities all need to be kicked out of the LGBT+ community.
Erasing the identities of people who speak out against anti-ace/aro shit to declare them “straight” or “cishet” …or saying that treatment is what they get for being “traitors to their own community”
Ignoring the boundaries of aces/aros who have them blocked and don’t want to be vagued to make fun of them …
…or even to continue sexualizing them after they have made it very clear that shit freaks them out (cheerfully doing this to a WoC)
Someone saying asexuality does not exist and “encourages slut shaming”
Spamming the ace positivity tag with vile hate (ppl have talked a lot about how this harms and endangers especially mentally ill ppl)
“aces are embarassing“ in the positivity tag
Posting nsfw content in the ace positivity tag and being completely unapologetic, apparently using the reasoning that our identities are inherently nsfw anyway (see the “TMI discourse” aka people sexualizing our identities)
Calling aces and aros a “sexuality fandom” while pretending we’re a group full of people with every privilege imaginable, bored of being accepted by everyone and of having no Actual Problems in our lives. This kind of nasty erasure constantly goes on and is a big tactic in this mess tbh
Wanting aces to be “exterminated”. For good measure putting this in the ace positivity tag
This disgusting vile shit that I don’t even know how to sum up but it includes wishing death on someone
Talking about wanting aces/aros dead after somehow misunderstanding(?) a post that was very clearly not about asexuality or aromanticism
Graphically telling aces to die
Specifically telling ace kids to kill themselves
Did I mention that many people in this mess have wished death on aces and aros and that they often put it in positivity tags. Some of the most messed up shit I’ve seen is missing because I didn’t reblog/respond to it at the time or can’t find it right now
And I know anons don’t count as hard “proof” for anything but have the less graphic one of the death/rape threats I got  in my inbox for speaking out against anti-ace/aro shit (still kinda eerily detailed though. Not linking the other one because it is extremely graphic)
Part 2:
Comparing aces to a literal white supremacist (in the positivity tag)
Again someone invalidating the identities of aces who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have
Sexualizing aros again, not caring about how it affects particularly aro PoC. And here two other ppl sexualizing and demonizing aros, like in posts further above claiming (non-ace) aros just use people for sex (said on positivity post).
Someone sexualizing aces again and engaging in sex-shaming at the same time, as usual with the claim that literally no one but a partner “needs” to know our orientations
Those Rachel Dolezal comparisons I mentioned made by non-black/white people who want to use antiblackness for what they call “ace discourse”? Yeah here is one white person doing it and here is another, even worse example where a white person goes “this is like if I pulled a Rachel D. and put on blackface and used the n-word…” (paraphrasing here). Here is the latter person utterly dismissing me being upset by their antiblackness (because black ppl’s pain only matters when it’s useful)
[For ppl who don’t know: Rachel Dolezal is a white woman who pretended to be black and built her career on it. White people sure as hell do not get to compare this shit to anything that is not antiblackness and use black people’s pain for their own purposes.]
A white person using antiblackness as a weapon against aces and aros in general (aka “ace tumblr”), acting smug regarding how supposedly we’re all so racist and “get triggered” by black people existing. (I am so tired of white ppl using racism as a cheap “gotcha” against aces and aros - groups which include PoC. And who then ignore or belittle PoC who call them out)
White person randomly informing WoC aces/aros can have white privilege
Again someone claiming ace privilege exists and here another person doing it adding to the post further above, claiming aces/aros have privilege for being ace/aro and that this is the case bc people who don’t have sex are privileged (wrong definition of asexuality… also of aromanticism??… and also no. No.)
What I mentioned about ppl telling us asexuality/aromanticism are not orientations but only ever modifiers? It’s happened a lot but here’s one example. And here’s someone outright saying aro aces don’t have an orientation but only modifiers.
Here’s the same person who said aro aces don’t have an orientation later turning around saying the orientation of aro aces is determined by how they behave and who they have sex with.
Another person putting nsfw shit in the ace positivity tag (link is to nsfw text)
And people try really hard to justify despising aces and aros by pointing to shitty people who share our identities/orientations. Honesty is secondary in this. Here you have someone taking a shitty post from an obvious nasty troll blog to say this is why ppl hate aces, and later when having the troll thing pointed out to them saying they already know. The post got over 3k notes.
“asexual shouldn’t even be a way people identify themselves”, with a second person in the thread agreeing
Part 3:
Someone saying they hope all aces “get checked out by a doctor” first (holy shit)
Saying asexuality is not a sexuality aka more invalidation like in posts further above
Someone calling aces a “turbo virgin club”, then declaring if an ace gets upset about it this shows their immense privilege
I’m 96% sure this is a troll and/or worse but here’s someone using absolute bullshit reasoning to claim asexuality is an inherently racist/antiblack identity (…on a black person’s post)
Speaking of racism, someone claiming vile crap and utter bullshit about aces including that we are all white
Once again a white person trying to use (extremely vile) antiblackness for so called “ace discourse”
Another incident of a blatant troll post getting nearly 3k notes because people wanted to use it to demonstrate how horrible aces/aros are, since we supposedly made up the fake slur “arobot”. Explanation in link, but basically no, “we” didn’t, it was an ancient pretty blatant troll post.
Again someone linking aromanticism to misogyny and to using people for sex
Someone in our positivity tags basically claiming aces and aros in relationships are selfish leeches who demand things but don’t give anything back. Talking as if we don’t deserve “time, effort, attention and love” and as though people in relationships with us are to be pitied
People spamming the ace positivity tag with nasty negativity and hate (once again)
Someone repeatedly wishing rape and like so often death on aces and aros (among other things) in our positivity tags. This person also put nsfw content there and spammed the tags
Again someone specifically wanting ace kids dead, talking in the positivity tag about hoping they get hit by a bus
After someone in this thread talks about the worry of being sexually assaulted for being ace, a person responds with the vilest victim-blaming, claiming shit like “it is easy to learn how to defend yourself“ and worse that I don’t want to put here. If you want details check the link
A number of screenshots of extremely vile posts, out of which two older ones weren’t listed here before: one is about wanting aces/aros to have “full blown panic attacks” and “cry themselves to sleep” over being marginalized/erased by society;
the other utterly disgustingly talks about wanting aces/aros to face torture and medical experimentation and death (the person brings in concentration camps)
This anon was also among the screenshots just now: extremely graphic torture and death threat I got from someone because they hate all us “ ~uwu~pure~smol~aceys~”. There’s wanting to peel the skin off my body as well as gun violence and sentiments that echo the post above
Since we’re already talking anons, somewhat graphic rape/death threat I got in my inbox, this time using the “dare I say meme” that is frequently employed to shit on aces and aros (still leaving out the most disgustingly graphic threat I’ve received bc I don’t want to link it)
Part 4:
“I would actually fucking slaughter aces if I could“
Listen this crap is terrifying and at this point I’m just tired. I could add the same sort of shit to this list over and over. Yet there’s still a huge crowd here denying any of this is happening, who’ll come to posts about ppl hating aces and aros to declare that no one does and we’re all just making it up or too clueless to understand what’s Really Being Said, because that’s how they like to paint aces and aros and anyone who supports us. It’s unbelievable and so so horrible and draining.
It needs to stop. I hate putting this negative crap on ppl’s dash but what’s going on is just so harmful and there’s not much else to do about it I can think of. Aside from people condescendingly explaining to us all the time none of this is happening (or outright calling us liars the moment we don’t put the links directly on a post and claiming we’re making this all up to make other aces/aros feel unsafe holy shit), I’ve also had ppl come to this very post (the original version) saying it’s just “mean words on the Internet” so I shouldn’t talk about -isms here and ppl literally wishing us dead.
Please help get word around that this is happening and a serious issue if you can? (But also if you can’t please don’t feel bad about that)
Part 5:
Someone saying ppl only get to headcanon extremely privileged characters as ace/aro
Someone spouting the incredible, unironic line: “isn’t that the point of being ace?? to desexualize yourself??“  
Telling aces to date non-aces otherwise they’re automatically abusive for “taking sex away” from their partners (holy shit)
As I mentioned, if we speak about the anti-ace/aro shit on this site, ppl love to try and shut us up by coming to our posts acting like we don’t know what we’re talking about or are deliberately lying for example because they’ve not personally seen what we’re talking about, and they can get really utterly horrible about it
Someone making up an insult (”stiff”) for aces to mean “a prude who cant keep their trap shut abt it “ (the person also posted a screenshot of a dictionary entry of the word in the positivity tag where “a dead body” is listed as one of the definitions)
Same person saying aromantic means “a boring person nobody will ever love”
Yet another person sexualizing aces, making fun of how supposedly we constantly talk about wanting to “fuck”… and about wanting to be led around on a leash in public
Two people defending hating all aces and comparing this to statements about privileged groups like white people, because ace/aro privilege I guess
A white person mocking me having experienced racism in “ace discourse” while heavily implying I must be lying (while demanding proof and no I’m not saying asking me for links is the problem)
Another person outright defending hating aces, except it’s okay and not bigotry according to them because it’s… not our existence that’s the problem but us existing as aces??
Part 6
Saying ace/aro identities belong in the DSM
And also a post I really want to talk about that made me add to this post again:
Saying asexual/aromantic people are “weird” and “ugly as fuck” and we id as ace/aro because “no one wants us” (I got an extremely vile anon once that made a similar “argument” and this line of thought is neither new nor harmless)
The thing about this post that makes it especially horrible and made me put it here almost right away? The notes. There are tons of people who responded to that post with approval and if you check, you’ll see them acting like aces/aros being treated like this and getting upset about it is just one big joke. There are many people going “lol that’s mean but true” and “lmao careful they’ll use this as proof they’re oppressed haha” (paraphrased)  and otherwise talking nasty shit about aces and aros. This is fucking vile and the kind of shit you’d expect from anti-sjws, but nope, “ace discourse” everyone
Someone saying ace awareness week should not be a thing because they’re already “painfully” aware we exist
Did I mention when we talk about any of this people immediately in big numbers rush to silence us, dismissing and mocking us out of hand and painting us as hysterical liars who “just wanna be oppressed“ because who gives a shit about aces/aros saying they’re being harmed
As a bonus, let’s return to the anons for a moment, which I’ve not talked about much before:
Someone telling me to die after I made more posts calling this sort of anti-ace/aro shit out
Someone telling me they want to ally with conservatives and shoot me and also other aces, calling aces a “plague”
Someone telling me sending the above to a black person has nothing to do with racism, and also that asexuality is a symptom of mental illness/trauma that needs to be corrected, not a sexuality. They tell me to “get fucked” so I’ll be fixed
Right after these asks I also got a nazi in my inbox (”88″ is nazi code). Make of that what you will
Another person coming to my inbox calling aces a plague and wanting us all dead
“Tumblr aces are deserving of every drop of loathing they get”
And now back once more to the posts people actually put their blog names on (aka most posts by far on this list, so no one skimming better try to claim this is primarily about anons just because I put a few in)…
Reacting to hateful vile anons by claiming we must have sent them to ourselves (why? because they say so), such as graphic anon rape/death threats. Nasty on so many levels and encourages people who hate us further to send shit like that
Part 7
People thinking it’s appropriate to tell a black ace woman (me lol) she has an “oppression fetish” just based on her minority orientation, in response to her asking ppl to not do EXACTLY that
Someone comparing asexuality to a kink to mock the idea of and paint as gross aces talking to family or anyone not involved in “their sex life” about their orientation
Same person in a wild post calling all aces “demons” (as ppl keep doing)
Someone not only as so often comparing aces to Trump with a moodboard, but also including the word “fascism” in ace colors in it (this is an older post)
Someone coming up with the wild conspiracy theory that people upset by aphobia (along with inclusionists) are actually largely the alt-right trying to disrupt activist communities wtf I can not make this shit up  (the person being ace themselves does not make this better or any less anti-ace/aro. This is fucking vile)
Someone mocking all aces by calling us “aceys” and talking about wanting to fight us, and another person approving of this and calling aces speaking out against it “dumb” and my legitimate anger “cute”. Also apparently being upset by this at all means I’ve “deluded” myself into thinking I’m oppressed
Same person who said the above claiming aro aces are somehow straight
Mocking aro terminology and aros for calling their partners (who they may or may not be married to) anything but “friends”
People (once again) painting aros as monsters who by virtue of being aro treat their partners without basic respect and decency. Also making aro identities all about wanting to “fuck” people without loving them, or caring about them in any shape or form. This shit is both sexualizing our identities (as usual) and nasty as hell in general
Another person outright saying they hate aces and trying to justify this by comparing it to venting about a privileged group, as if ace privilege exists rather than asexuality being a minority orientation
Someone (as too many ppl have done) comparing aces to “incels”, dangerous misogynists who are frequently rape apologists/rapists
Silencing tactics still include viciously mocking aces/aros speaking out against any of this shit and painting us as irrational, Senselessly Angry, and evil like in this bullshit “parody” post of what I (and two others?) have supposedly been saying. Apparently when I make posts like this one, that is what the OP gets from that… somehow. People keep doing shit like this to me, and painting black women as hysterical and angry for no reason when we’re legitimately upset is not a new move?
While we’re on the topic of antiblackness and misogynoir, remember how ppl love to send me graphic anon threats? Yeah this person purosely invoked the image of lynchings while doing so, aware themselves it’s racist and admitting they don’t care, as long as they can tell a black person they’d like to “hang me from a tree” and then also all other ace ppl, because “ace discourse” has proven to them we’re evil apparently
Part 8
Saying there’s somethong “wrong” with aces and aros and that we need to get professional help, and that our orientations are “unnatural”. There’s way too much pathologization among these links
Comparing aces to Ayn Rand, a racist rape apologist among other things. Apparently it makes for a fun moodboard about how we’re evil (and hate poor people?? wtf)
Once again someone comparing aces to incels (for some reason people love associating aces with misogynists, rape apologists and rapists, hmm)
Someone sexually harassing a user for simply saying to ignore/block aphobes, putting extremely explicit sexual content into the post’s notes, very possibly trying to deliberately trigger the OP. This is disgusting af
Someone saying asexuality isn’t a real sexuality (again)
As usual someone putting negativity in the ace positivity tag like we don’t deserve to have positivity - this time about how we’re “idiot aces” and all “cishet”
Talking about how this masterpost that, you know, has literal death threats on it and not few of them is hilarious
Here we have someone after being linked to this masterpost defending the Ronald Reagan and Trump moodboards (while completely ignoring all the other shit on this list)
Someone spewing the old bullshit notion that conservatives love aces for our supposed “celibacy”, with the typical implication of ace privilege or at least the idea that being ace makes those of us belonging to various oppressed groups less oppressed (or that we don’t exist at all lol)
Here’s an older post where someone cruelly made fun of an anon on an ace blog non wanting to get a pap test, presuming it’s due to internalized oppression and treating that as funny and inherently mock-worthy (the post got lots of approving notes at the time), because haha aces “valuing their virginity more than their health”, even though 1) the anon said nothing of the sort and 2) even if they had, people not wanting to get health care due to messed up ideas surrounding “virginity” is not funny either. (And this sort of ridicule is nowhere near comparable to correcting actual misinformation)
Making Kylo Ren ace/aro moodboards because aside from real life fascists it’s fun to compare us to fictional ones
Since we’re on the topic, another, older post that has a lot of people comparing aces to various fictional abusers, mass murderers, fascists, etc., “joking” about how these are the characters we can have as “ace representation”. And then ppl going “lol it’s just a joke haha silly aces not getting the concept of humor” in typical bigot fashion, something the anti-ace/aro crowd does A LOT
Meanwhile once when I in response to someone comparing aros to Voldemort (based on him being incapable of love) made an aro-spec Hermione positivity post using the same meme the Voldemort post had used,  emphasizing her good qualities/sense of justice, a whole wild mess happened that included people making jokes about (house elf) slavery on my aka a black woman’s positivity post and calling one of the most commonly hc-ed as black characters demonic and equating her to Taylor Swift… for among other things the evil trait of having an issue with, you know, slavery.
(Later a white person tried to in a separate post paint me as hysterical/irrational for getting upset about this, completely [and deliberately] erasing the fact that it was about race at all in that retelling of things. Not that it’s not bullshit and extremely telling to gleefully heap negativity on a positivity post like this in general, but damn.)
But back to comparing us to real life fascists, someone literally said “cishet asexuals act almost identical to white supremacists and nazis” because saying this about a minority orientation which includes aces TARGETED by white supremacists isn’t fucked up at all I’m done
For the xth time someone outright saying they hate aces
Here we get tons of misogynoir again from someone making a sort of Nicki Minaj ace moodboard that compares ace inclusionism to her breasts/”silicone implants“, and someone else approving of how hilarious that supposedly is. It’s pretty fucking gross tbh, the OP even put it in the Nicki Minaj tag
Fitting in with the above nicely: someone suggesting that subsets of aces and aros be called “breeders” (this is an older post)
Calling asexuality and aromanticism “cults” and comparing them to scientology among a ton of other vile shit including once again pathologization
Calling (non-ace) aros “objectifying assholes”
More demonization of aros, claiming as so often that being aro is the same as fetishizing and using people
Once again someone calling aces (or well just ace girls this time because misogyny is fun) ugly and claiming we’re all white (because racism is also fun)
Part 9
And here finally the new part that tumblr wouldn’t let me add to the original post the usual way. Not to repeat myself but I’m exhausted. And pissed. Remember these are all just examples. And I’d like to say there won’t be more in the future but who am I kidding.
Making light of comparing aces to incels, who are still dangerous misogynists/rapists/rape apologists. How dare aces and especially ace women be upset about it
Another person making light of (nasty moodboards) comparing aces and specifically ace teenagers to vile af dangerous bigots
Again someone comparing aces to incels (....who apparently no longer oppress women, at least if they’re ace)
They really love that incel comparison
They love it a lot. Yet another person comparing aces to incels (while defining asexuality as “not wanting to fuck”). Someone else joining in and going, “Is ‘turbo virgin’ better for u”
The same ppl as in the link above continuing to be horrible+apparently thinking ace and aro WoC are no longer oppressed by racism and misogyny. Did I mention I could not make this shit up
Also if you scroll a bit, there’s a link there to one of them telling an ace to “get laid” to be fixed (this link here leads to the same thread as the one above)
Once more comparing aros to Trump
White person thinking it’s a good idea to equate aces/aros of color upset about being compared to white supremacists with white ppl upset about jokes about white ppl
“asexuals go to hell”
Claiming it’s just “crying racism” and funny that I call call out, you know, all this pretty blatant racism, such as comparing aces and aros to slave owners/white supremacists to give just one example of the literal dozens here (even sth on the level of that anon wanting to lynch me apparently doesn’t count as racist for the OP there what the hell even)
Pathologizing our orientations, saying aces all have some “underlying issue” and that we just id as asexual as an excuse bc we don’t wanna “work through” said issues
Again someone claiming aces can’t have sex, making fun of ppl saying otherwise (apparently we physically can’t this is so wild)
Again ppl claiming aces and aros are basically all white, hurting (and pissing off) aces and aros of color bc that’s always fun. Also I’d argue some not that subtle misogyny there but decide for yourself
Among other things claiming aces are obsessed with sex which uhh uncomfortable+creepy. If ppl’d stop sexualizing us that’d be fucking nice
Another nonblack person comparing ace inclusionists to Rachel Dolezal (not giving a shit about black ppl’s opinion on the matter)... and then claiming antiblackness isn’t racism (when coming from other PoC)
Claiming asexuality is a “specific sexual preference” that no one wants to know about and also the same as “not fucking”. Literally saying (as ppl in this mess do so often) we should literally mention our orientations to NO ONE but our partners bc of this. AND not giving a shit about being told this sexualizes aces including aces of color
As usual pretending we make all the shit documented in this post up (and let me repeat this post was just meant to have EXAMPLES, there’s way more horrible crap out there)
Ace girls are apparently “like straight girls, only worse”. And that regardless of other identities
Using the term “acehets”
Another person referring to “acehets and arohets”
Apparently asexuality and aromanticism are “technically het” now
Calling aces (explicitly+deliberately ALL aces) a “cancer to the lgbt community”
Saying a black aro ace woman wouldn’t have time to be “melodramatic” (=make posts like this one lol) if she had more sex. I CAN NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP it’s so incredibly sexist, racist, and creepy omg. There’s already examples further above of this person’s misogynoir BUT DAMN
Here we have some pro Trump, pro gun person after going “fuck tumblr ace culture” talking about how aces aren’t oppressed (especially those of us to whom guns or ppl like the president they support are an incredible danger I’m sure lol) and how dare we make our orientations “our entire personality”. This is all so wild help me??
Remember when we talked about how ppl like to when we talk about this despite all the easily available proof accuse us of lying/being hytserical/just “wanting to be oppressed” as a silencing tactic? Yeah here we have someone calling me speaking out against some of the (racist) shit listed further above “delusional”
Linking being ace to being a nazi (”Been noticing a lot of these “Asexuals” are also nazis”)
More linking being ace to being a nazi (”You can't spell asexual without axis power”). Did I mention the anti-ace/aro crowd is wild and despicable af
The solution to people being this horrible to us is CLEARLY for us to “log off” so why the hell are we whining
This white person wants millions in “emotional damages” from people with ace headcanons for characters belonging to various oppressed groups, including characters of color. Because clearly others acknowledging the existence of aces of color must be incredibly painful for them. Wtf is the anti-ace/aro crowd even. Also, this is what aces and aros of color mean when we talk about constantly being erased by ppl wanting to pretend our orientations are somhow “white” identities - frquently like here under the guise of protecting us from those evil aces and aros aka ourselves.
Putting “your flag is ugly and so are you“ in the ace positivity tag
Same person posting in the ace positivty tag about wanting subsets of aces to get hit by a bus
Okay I know further above I’ve directed you to such unbelievably vile anons they must be getting old but I’m gonna put just one in this part: wanting aces dead but it’s our own fault because the ace community on tumblr made them into a shitstain devoid of decency who thinks fondly of people dying based on them sharing a minority orientation!! They had no problems with aces before!! And it’s just if we’re on tumblr that they want us dead really!! Using this site like other people makes us... wait for it... “incel equivalents” apparently
Aaand here the nonblack ppl go again with the comparing ace inclusionism to antiblackness/Rachel Dolezal, one of them specifically complaining they got called antiblack for it when clearly this white person also doing it proves it’s okay
After as the anti-ace/aro crowd loves to do pretending none of this is happening, this person admitted that yeah sure their crowd compares aces and aros to misogynists and racists, but it’s not because of our orientations but because we’re Bad, and if we claim otherwise we’re manipulative and just wanna victimize ourselves!!
racism and comparing PoC (because their asexuality continues to not magically turn aces of color into white ppl) to their oppressors are apparently still funny (”date an asexual who thinks reverse racism exists“)
Someone talking about wanting “porn of aces” where aces are raped and turned into “hypersexual sluts”. The person adds, “ESPECIALLY if it’s real”. This shit is VILE AND DISTURBING AF HOLY CRAP
And apparently aces who have sex are by virtue of this themselves rapists now, along with anyone who consensually sleeps with people they’re not attracted to?? Wtf even. (These people REALLY want to villify us and for us to not enter relationships - if we don’t have sex with a partner, we’re absusive, but if we do, we’re rapists. We’ve had both these “arguments” now I fucking can’t.)
Again someone posting (in the ace positivity tag) about wanting an “ace concentration camp”
“asexuals get death challenge”
And listen I WISH I was making this shit up and that these posts all didn’t exist. Then I’d not have to deal with the knowledge that a ton of people here don’t even see aces and aros as human beings, constantly throwing -isms and nasty af shit in general at us and pretending when aimed at us it’s somehow okay. People are doing all this to us, and trying to claim we deserve it, based on our MINORITY ORIENTATIONS.
It’s wild, it’s despicable, and it needs to stop. And I’m going to say it as many times as necessary.
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virmillion · 5 years
Text
Ibytm - T minus 45 seconds
Masterpost - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - ao3
Words: 3,576
On a normal day, Logan will rise long before the sun, smiling at the sound of his pinging alarm clock and taking a luxurious moment to stretch his rested limbs before greeting the world with open arms.
Today is not a normal day.
His eyes stay stubbornly shut as his tingling hand fumbles around in the mess of blankets for his blaring phone. Virgil grunts softly from somewhere under the mound, and in the weak pre-dawn light, Logan can only just make out the ball curled up under the sheets.
When his fingers finally brush over his phone, sending shivers down his spine with the vibrations, he does his best impression of scrambling to turn it off. His sleep-addled body translates this command as wobbly sliding around for the snooze button, stubbornly ignoring the requirement to finish a set of math problems before the noise will stop.
“Should’ve never installed that fancy alarmy app,” Virgil grumbles as the ball shrinks in on itself. Logan squints at the full-brightness screen and scowls, mumbling the two digit multiplication problems to himself. Finally he succeeds, dropping the bedroom back into silence. An arm snakes out from the blankets and pats along Logan’s leg. “Good job, so smart. Go crush that meeting.”
Logan lifts Virgil’s jand and presses a kiss to his fingers, lingering in the moment for just a few more seconds. His own hand feels impossibly cold and empty as he changes and strides out of the room.
The kitchen—more of a kitchenette, really, but who’s keeping track?—is surprisingly high quality, given the deal Virgil managed to land on this place. Granted, it’s all a little cramped and bland, but Logan likes to think of it as ‘begging for an impromptu remodel.’ Which he manages to pull off, all in one go, as the broken keurig sputters to life, shooting wads of coffee grounds along the underside of the microwave.
Logan does not have the energy for it this morning.
He sets on a pot of real coffee to brew in time for Virgil to wake up and transfers the keurig disaster to his own travel mug, slipping in more sugar than it probably needs. He’s in for a long day.
Even the neighborhood is pretty nice, which was Virgil’s main concern when they were scoping out options. Compared to the people on those over-the-top reality shows, Logan thinks their requests were pretty darn reasonable. Close enough to the office to walk, in a nice part of town, and close enough to uber to the museum without completely punching a hole through their wallets. One downside to being so near to the office, though, is that Logan can never be that far from work. Not that this is a bad thing, per se—it’s just that, on the two days a year where he actually wants a break, he has to try that much harder to actually achieve it.
There are worse problems in the world to have, he supposes.
His work building looms tall and grey against the cold morning skyline, and the mere sight of it is enough to make him draw his shoulders to his ears. While he’s dressed nice enough for the meeting that could make or break his future, Virgil convinced him to wear the leather jacket over it.
“It’ll make you feel tough,” Virgil insisted, shoving the bundle of well-worn material into Logan’s arms the previous night. “Just enough of a confidence boost for you to nail the crap out of that meeting.”
Virgil wasn’t wrong, of course. Logan finds a certain bounce in his step as he bursts into the stale air conditioning and starts up the stairs. More of a placebo effect than anything else, but he’ll take what he can get. Especially today.
“Hey, Lo!” Micah exclaims, stumbling over his own feet as he bounds down the stairs.
“Gan. Logan,” Logan supplies, reaching out a hand to steady the overstuffed cardboard box in Micah’s arms. “Last trip?”
“Yeah, Alex is gonna bring home stuff I forgot as they find it. Half their desk is mine, basically.” Micah shoulders the drawstring bag around his back to the side, squeezing past Logan to get to the first floor landing. “It’s been a pretty solid run, though. Almost four years? That’s a good record for our floor managing to not kill each other.”
“That it is,” Logan agrees, almost to the next landing by now. It's a shame to see a good guy like Micah go, but internships aren’t permanent, and promotions aren’t guaranteed.
“Hey, wait!” Micah calls. Logan peeks over the spiral railing, now well on his way to the third floor. “Isn’t your big hunga chunga interview today?”
“Yeah, it is, actually. I don’t know when, though.”
“Well, whatever time they come for ya, best of luck. You deserve it.” Micah grins at Logan before scooting out of the stairwell, staggering under his box. Logan smiles to himself, forgetting to remove the expression before he exits onto the fifth floor. The first step in what could very well be a long line of mistakes.
“What’re you so happy about, specs?” Roman asks, appearing at Logan’s side and following him to his desk. “The only times I’ve seen you smile are when you’re with that museum guy.”
Logan takes a moment to breathe, reminding himself that it’s typically frowned upon to sock your coworkers in the jaw. “As I’ve told you several times now, his name is Virgil, and he’s not just some guy, he’s my boyfriend. There years not long enough for you to process that?”
“In my defense, we don’t hang out enough to be familiar.”
“We had lunch with you and Patton last week!”
“Yeah, yeah, bad short term memory.”
“Long term memory.” Logan slides open the third drawer on the right of his desk and pulls out a thick binder, filled to the brim and then some with papers and folders and cascading tab dividers. “Do you want to go to your own desk now?”
“Not really.” Regardless, Roman swings around to the desk that used to be Micah’s—with the intern moving on after more than four years of work, his prime spot desk was highly coveted real estate. The only reason Logan didn’t get it—by seniority, he had first dibs—was because he was used to his current desk. Not to mention the meeting coming up, of course. Ideally, he won’t even need his current desk after today.
Roman pops his head over the partition between Micah’s old desk and Logan’s, undoubtedly standing on the swivel chair for a better vantage point. “So, whatcha doin’?”
“Get off that chair before you hurt yourself. I’m going over major old assignments.” Logan regrets being honest the moment he says it. Now it’s a near guarantee that Roman will try to distract him. He was undoubtedly going to already, but still.
“Oh, right, you’ve got that huge meeting today! I completely forgot.” Roman folds his arms up over his chin, staying shockingly quiet as Logan riffles through the binder. “Hey, wait, that’s that dumb Neptune Theseus riddle!”
“Never did figure that one out,” Logan agrees absently. His eyes linger on the answer circled at the bottom, but he still isn’t convinced he had it right. He pulls the paper out farther.
“We’re seriously gonna get stuck on the Neptune thing again? Are we really digging up that horse to beat it some more? Hasn’t it suffered enough?” Alex groans, rolling over on their squeaky desk chair. While the office sprang for new furniture last year, they didn’t spring very far, since ‘gently used furniture from someone else is still new to you.’ This was met with no small amount of grumbles and dissent, all of which fell on deaf ears.
“No rehashing old riddles!” Cassidy chimes in. As her desk is now right beside Logan’s—replacing Joy’s old spot—she doesn’t have to move far to notice his overfilled binder. “Last minute studying?”
“Lil’ Lolo has his big ol’ test today,” Alex singsongs. “Watch him get higher than Mx. Oatmeal.”
“As if,” Logan scoffs, flipping to a different assignment. Calculating the landing point of a rocket being pulled down from orbit at a given time, assuming this malfunction and that overcorrection. He still isn’t completely convinced they didn’t just rip the problem wholesale from Hidden Figures. “And it’s not a test, it’s just a meeting to discuss my upward prospects. Don’t oversell it.”
“I promise nothing of the sort,” Cassidy says. “How much you wanna bet the promotion hinges on that Neptune riddle?”
“Gambling, I like it.” Roman reaches down the partition to snatch up the binder, ignoring Logan’s protests. “Woah, you’ve got things in here from your first week? You know that was all busy work, right? To scare off newbies who wouldn’t put in the work when it counted?”
“Give that back,” Logan demands, reaching toward Roman’s face. He easily holds the binder out of reach, still snooping through its contents.
“Wow, your handwriting really sucks, you know that?”
“Shut up, my mind moves too fast to bother with legibility.” It’s all Logan can do not to stand on his chair and grab back the binder. He’s smart, of course—there’s nothing incriminating on those pages—but he still doesn’t appreciate Roman invading his space like this.
“Illegible handwriting?” Alex repeats. “Sounds like you’re already one of them. Bet you’ll even surpass Joy.” The mention of her name draws the attention of some of the newer interns, whose names Logan hasn’t yet managed (or bothered) to learn. It wasn’t too long ago that Joy got promoted—in the last few months, actually—but she was still on the floor long enough to gain a reputation among the newbies. Her sudden promotion, completely unprompted, elevated her to a godlike status in the eyes of the new kids, all fresh to the inner workings of the program. At least, that’s why Logan assumes they looked up at her name.
He isn’t sure whether he’d love it or hate it if all these little interns would worship him like that.
Before Roman can pitch in his own two cents about the first inexplicable promotion situation, the elevator doors ping open, revealing Joy leaning against the mirrored wall. Cassidy leaps to her feet and sprints across the floor, wrapping her friend in a tight hug.
“You need to come visit us more,” Cassidy says sternly, pushing Joy back by the shoulders to fix her with a pinched stare.
“Acknowledged,” Joy says, barely lifting her chin. The cold silence lasts only a few moments before her facade cracks, revealing a bright smile as she squeezes Cassidy in a close embrace. “Butterfingers around here?”
Logan scrambles to yank his binder back from Roman and hide it in its usual drawer before answering, “I’m over here.”
Joy nods brightly as Cassidy carefully extricates herself from the boa constrictor hug. “Well, better get going, if you’re ready. They bumped the meeting from seventh to ninth, by the way.” She waits patiently for Logan to join her in the elevator, seeming to not notice the awed stares from the newbies. Logan isn’t particularly fond of the sustained silences from his more seasoned coworkers, either.
“Actually, I’d rather take the stairs, if it’s all the same to you.” Though Logan has historically taken the stairs for the exercise, he has a running promise with Virgil to avoid the elevator whenever possible. Virgil refused to specify why, but even if he’d never find out, Logan has no intention to go breaking promises when people aren’t looking. “I’ll just meet you up there?”
Joy hesitates, and Logan wonders whether he just completely screwed himself over, but her expression finally dissolves back into a grin. “Works for me.”
Logan takes the stairs two at a time, chased by the encouragement of his floormates. With every step, he jumps from one irrational worry to another. What if Joy thinks he thinks she stinks? What if she thinks he’s being uncooperative? What if she thinks he’s claustrophobic, and won’t be able to handle something so confined as a rocket? What if this is all a test, and he already failed?
He almost misses the ninth landing as his thoughts swarm. All that piloting time, straight down the drain.
The door can’t open fast enough.
Logan has just barely managed to force his breathing down to a normal level when the elevator door slides open, revealing Joy and—oh, great.
“She said I should come along!” Roman exclaims, bursting out of the elevator and jumping to Logan’s side. “That they might like a second opinion during your meeting.”
“Oh, great.”
“Yes, well, best be going,” Joy says, leading the boys down the hall to a set of floor to ceiling glass windows. Just beyond the frames is a long oak desk, ringed with cushy black office chairs. Logan wonders how many years it'll be until those become hand-me-downs for the fifth floor.
“I’m so excited,” Roman whisper-shouts. “I’ve never been up here before, besides for coffee runs.”
“This is where I leave you,” Joy says. She holds open the door and waves the boys in, patting Logan on the shoulder as he passes. “Good luck. You’re gonna crush it.”
“Fingers crossed.”
“Butterfingers?”
“Almond Joy.” A small smile spreads across Logan’s face as the door softly clicks shut behind them. Across the room is Mx. Oatmeal’s boss’s boss’s boss, Miss Katie-Lee, who literally and figuratively holds Logan’s future in her hands.
That is to say, she’s holding a model rocketship.
“Logan, please, have a seat.” She gestures to one of the several chairs, inclining her head slightly as Logan shakes her hand before sitting. “Oh, good, Roman, are you the second opinion I asked Joy to bring?”
“I am indeed,” Roman confirms, shaking her hand as well before sitting on Logan’s right. “Happy to be here, happy to help.”
“Happy to hear it,” Miss Katie-Lee says, taking her own seat opposite the boys. She pulls a stack of papers and folders from a nearby stool and spreads them out over the table. “Well, well, well, Logan, you sure have been busy these last few years, haven’t you? And I see here you have a change of mailing address, as well as the supplementary switch forms, very good, that’s what we like to see.” Miss Katie-Lee traces her finger down a bulleted list, mumbling to herself as she does. “Tuh tuh tuh, already a good amount of calculations under your belt, mostly correct, that’s always nice. Well on your way to completing the piloting hours, good to know you’re keeping that up. Recent physical on file, yes, sure deal, that makes this several worlds easier.”
She continues talking to herself, flipping between pages and glancing at Logan every so often for a nod of confirmation. “And Roman, you’ve worked closely with Logan, yes? Do you have any pertinent information to share regarding his performance?” She taps a little plastic cube set to the side meaningfully. “This is all being recorded, by the way. My apologies for not saying so sooner.”
Roman sits up straighter in his chair, and Logan immediately wishes he were a popsicle under the California sun. Oh, to be a puddle on the floor, free of the trials and tribulations involved in adult life.
“All on the record?”
“All on the record.”
Roman gives Logan a long look before opening his mouth again. Puddles would be a blessing at this point, Logan thinks. Logan would be wrong. “Logan is the single best intern I have ever seen working on the fifth floor. He easily works twice as hard as anyone on a higher floor—no offense—and I never see him without ink staining his fingers. He’s organized down to having a color coding system with his pens based on the difficulty and priority of his work. He’s the first one into the office and the last one out, and all the time in between is time he spends doing the best he possibly can.”
Roman laughs a little, and Logan finally feels his muscles relax, just the slightest bit. “I literally had to personally convince everyone to show up half an hour early today so we could beat him to being early. Basically, Logan is just a guy who really, really cares about what he does. There’s no one else I’d rather see at the top of this field.” Roman hesitates, glancing at Miss Katie-Lee. “Oh, um, not that you aren’t already doing a great—”
Miss Katie-Lee waves it off with a smile. “Thank you, Roman, that was more than sufficient. You can head back down to the fifth floor now.” Logan is still somewhere between numb and frozen as he watches Roman excuse himself, still processing the parade of compliments. He’d always assumed Roman merely tolerated his presence, since it would make being floormates easier than if they hated each other. Huh.
Shuffling the papers back into a neat pile, Miss Katie-Lee switches her gaze from the closing door to Logan. “Can I tell you a secret?” Logan nods, dumbfounded. “I already knew all that.” Logan blinks. “I’ve heard your praises sung by everyone in this building, from Mx. Oatmeal to Joy, to Micah at his resignation, all the way to the janitorial staff. They go out of their way to compliment how much easier you make their jobs, sticking around late to clean up after your floormates. To tell the truth, we’ve wanted to get you up here for a long while, but we just haven’t had an opening. A few transfers, a few drops, and now we find ourselves here.” Miss Katie-Lee folds her hands on the table, leaning in closer. “We want to start training you on level with Mr. Jolenta’s work.” Mr. Jolenta. Mx. Oatmeal’s boss. Logan feels more than a little light headed. “You would see an increase in pay, to be determined at a later date, as well as an increase in workload and hours. On the right path and at the right pace, I think we can get you where you want to go.” Logan nods dumbly, not completely processing her words. “So, what do you say?”
A million things race through Logan’s mind, each slipping out of his hands like an ice cube into boiling water when he tries to grab it. More pay. More hours. Less time with Virgil. A chance at the stars. A chance to move up. Time away from Virgil. Time away from home. Time, time, time. Never enough to give, never enough to take.
“I’d be happy to give you some time to consider—”
“I’m in,” Logan interrupts. His mouth didn’t even wait for his mind to decide, much less his heart. He’ll have to learn to get that under control.
“Well, we’re happy to have you on board,” Miss Katie-Lee says, standing and brushing off the front of her shirt. Logan shakes her hand firmly, thanking her for the opportunity and accepting a spotless new folder from her. He pulls the door shut as he leaves, determined to wait until he reaches his desk before looking at the papers.
The determination does not last longer than two minutes.
New benefits, new hours, new responsibilities, new calculation basics, new new new. The words and numbers and symbols flit around Logan’s mind, a deafening roar that blocks out the curiosity of his fellow fifth floor interns.
Can he call them his fellow interns anymore? He’ll have to ask Roman about that.
“So how’d it go?” Cassidy demands, slamming her hands on his desk and getting uncomfortably close to his face. Logan glances at Roman, whose face flushes pink when they make eye contact. He drops behind the partition.
“Spill it,” Alex adds, leaning on Logan’s chair. “It’s not like we didn’t notice that fancy new folder, or that almost smile on your face.”
Cassidy somehow manages to get even closer, and it’s a wonder Logan doesn’t flinch. “Stop the presses, Alex, I think that might be a genuine smile there.”
“Great Scott, she’s right! It’s a real smile! This is one for the papers, folks!”
Logan rolls his eyes and shakes his head good-naturedly, careful to keep the folder pinched shut. “Miss Katie-Lee just offered me a promotion, and Roman helped back up my credibility a little bit. It’s nothing major, really.”
“How high’s the promotion?” Roman’s voice asks. He’s still hiding behind the partition.
Logan glances around, well aware of the newer interns listening closely while doing a terrible job of pretending not to. “It, um, it’s on par with Mr. Jolenta?” It’s not a question, but he manages to make it one, anyway.
The floor is silent for a moment, two, as his words sink in. Alex breaks the silence first.
“Dude, nice!” This call is echoed across the floor, several voices tripping over each other to congratulate Logan. He nods, wearing a small smile and picturing how Virgil’s face will look when he shares the news. Or, wait, no, he’s supposed to be teaching Virgil how to make fettuccine alfredo tonight. That should obviously take precedence.
Then again, a promotion is pretty big. So is getting to cook with his boyfriend. Maybe he’ll tell him over dinner. Just imagining the look on Virgil’s face when he tells him is more than enough to double the size of Logan’s smile.
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farfanfiction · 6 years
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Loyalty to the Pack: Part 2
Pairing: John Seed x Joseph Seed x Reader x Jacob Seed
AUs: Omegaverse, werewolves
Warnings: Cursing, mentions of sex, mentions of depression and anxiety, John being an asshole...
Word Count: 2,266
A/N: Here’s part 2 my doods. This part is just leading up to the meat, it will get far more exciting from here, plus if you haven’t noticed, John is a little OOC. He’s supposed to be that way for only this part, he’ll be the cocky, seductive, jackass we all know and love soon. Give me some feedback on what I could do better or what I did alright, where you wanna see this whole mess go, or something you just don’t understand. The gif is not mine.
Masterpost  My Omegaverse Rules
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   The celebration continued on. Occasionally, people would come up to you and congratulate you on your pairing. You just gave your biggest, and fakest smile possible, while you gripped your dress under the table. This pairing was bound to be a joke, there was no way God would ever pair you with a Seed, let alone an Alpha like John. He seemed like a complete child when he didn’t have a respectful attitude when around his brother. Come to think of it, the baby currently in your arms behaved far better than he did.  
   She slept peacefully in your arms with the occasional whimper or snuggling up to your chest to escape the cool night air. When you weren’t staring at her, you stared at John. He would either be picking at the food on his plate or talking to one of his siblings. He would never look at you or respond to your repeated stares. No matter how long you stared at him, he didn’t falter. It was as if he was still brooding over Joseph’s choice. Pleading for him to reconsider. He didn’t need an Omega, he was only thirty-two and had tons of life in him before he settled down with an Omega and a few pups. The typical picket fence life.
   Yet, that kind of look doesn't suit the stubborn Alpha. He looked like he’d fit into the fast cars, expensive wine sipping, and a new girl every night kinda life. Where you were an eligible bachelor until the day you died because of liver failure from said wine. He wouldn’t even be able to have that life, alcohol was a big no-no in Eden’s Gate as well as casual sex. The only sex you can have is during heats, ruts, or just to have children. No pleasure included when in reality pleasure was the perfect thing to help a heat or a rut.
   You continued to give the nastiest looks you could muster. There was no way to avoid them, but he did. He really was ignoring you. “If you keep glaring at him, John and the Father will take notice.” Gabriel piped up. You turned to look at him and give an equally nasty look.
   “So what if he does. If he’s going to be my Alpha, he’s gonna have to deal with my looks.” You snapped back, not intentionally making it that menacing. Gabriel gave a small chuckle and grabbed his other daughter from his mate’s arms. The pup let out an ear-piercing screech when her father’s warmth began to fade. The Omega side of you began to whimper at the thought of a pup crying. You wanted to reach out and hold her, feel her tiny heartbeat bound against your chest as she calmed down from her screamfest. Warm and safe on your breast, but you knew that wouldn’t happen. Her actual mother can take care of this.
   Gabriel began to pat the girl on her tiny back until her wails became small whimpers. “There you go, sweetheart. No more tears, mama’s here.” He whispered into her tiny ear until she made no noise, simply drifting off into sleep. That’s what you wanted. Pups. The problem with this dream was whether or not John wanted them. He acted as if pups were too much time and trouble. A small life that both parents had to care for.
   You wanted that tiny life to care for because as we all know, Omega’s were made to take care of the pack. While Alphas were meant to lead, children and Omegas were just a plus. An Alpha didn’t need an Omega, but if they did have one, they were supposed to love and care for them, their whole lives would be for the sake of the Omega and children rather than the pack at that point.
   “Are you ok?” Gabriel whispered, careful to not wake both babies. You looked down at your lap and tried to avoid his gaze. Were you ok? That was the hardest question you’ve gotten all day.
   “Honestly, I don’t know.” You whispered back, not for the sake of the pups, but for yourself. You thought if you talked louder, you would burst into tears. Your vision began to fog up with unshed tears ready to escape and ruin everything.
   “If it’s about John it’s ok. I know how it feels to be uncertain about an Alpha. I didn’t even think our relationship would work out until I had my first heat with him and he treated me like glass. After we mated, I knew he was the one. You just know once you have an intimate moment. In all honesty, I didn't think the Father would hand you off to John of all people. I don’t even trust John with anything let alone you, but I think the Father knows that too.” Wait, Joseph doesn’t trust John? With you? Now that you think about it, Joseph did seem hesitant when he called John’s name.
   “Maybe.” You stated. Gabriel gave you a sad smile and went back to comforting his pup. You looked back at John one last time. For once he looked back. His blue eyes locked with your (e/c) eyes and a frown graced his face. You gave a frown of your own and got up from your seat.
   The pup in your arms began to squirm, but you shushed her. “I’m gonna go take a quick walk.” Gabriel gave a small nod and turned to talk to his Alpha.
   You walked to the riverbank, completely unaware that the Baptist had gotten up from his own chair and started to follow you. You gently laid down in the grass not caring if you dress got dirty. You looked at the pup in your arms and a tear began to escape your eye. The tears just fell as you looked at her little face. Something you couldn’t have because God deemed you unworthy. Your sadness overwhelmed you, you began to quake and wail, just hoping no one would hear.
   Suddenly you felt a large, callused hand touch the bare skin of your shoulder. You nearly jumped from the touch. You quickly turned around to see John’s handsome face rather close to yours.
   “Tsk, tsk. Leaving your own party so soon?.” His voice was laced with pure cockiness. You just wanted to be alone with this miracle. So pure and quiet, unlike the bastard that stood beside you, mocking you for having any real emotion.
   “Well, why don’t you leave me alone.” You hissed back. All you could hear was a dry chuckle as he sat himself down right next to you. It was then he finally noticed the baby nestled in your arm. He scooched over and gazed at the pup. The Alpha carefully put out a hand, you didn’t flinch away or protect the pup, you simply stared as he stroked her tiny head. She looked so fragile and tiny compared to his large hands.
   This made John think back to his childhood. From what his brothers told him, he was a happy child. He could never remember ever being happy as a child except when he spent time with Joseph and Jacob. The rest was a haze of curses and abuse from his ‘parents’. The very people who gave him life were equally as eager to take that life away. Pups were made to be protected, loved, and cared for. They weren’t meant to be your own personal punching bag until all they could scream was ‘Yes!’ with a worn throat.
   The pup in question gave a small whimper and lazily opened her brown eyes. Her tiny eyelashes fluttered as she took in the blurry image of John Seed. The man that would lead her through Eden’s Gate. She stared up at him in aw, her mouth opening and forming a small smile. She showed off her pink gums as she let out a tiny giggle. You looked at her with such admiration. She had no fucking idea who she was laughing at.
   John gave his own laugh in return. It actually sounded genuine, not like the dry laugh you’ve heard all night. The pup gave another laugh in response, having an absolute blast with this game of hers. You gave her a smile as well, pulling her close by the cloth of your dress.
   “Why are you here John?” You asked, all your attention now focused on the pup.
   “If we’re going to be mates, there has to be some arrangement.” He did have a point. It was no use living with your parents anymore. The best place for an Omega is by her Alpha’s side, you could just picture your mother giving a whole speech about it. Heats will hurt if an Alpha’s not there or it was an honor to be the mate of the Baptist, a herald of the Father. 
   “I want you to live with me.” Wow, wasn’t he blunt? If it was any other kind of situation, you would never live with John, but considering your circumstances, you had little choice. Plus, from what people had told you, Seed Ranch was a sight to behold. An obvious display of John’s money and his huge ego.
    “I don’t have a choice do I?” You looked up at John, your (e/c) eyes pleading with him for any other choice. John ran his fingers through his thick beard in fake thought and then shook his head. Damn.
   “Since I have no other choice, I might as well go.” You carefully cradled the pup in your arms and slowly got up. She was already asleep, growing tired from all her cute playing. You walked back to the party, John following close behind. He didn’t make a move to go back to his table. As you handed the baby back, John just stood there watching. You gave her a kiss on the head and passed her to Gabriel. It felt like you were a mother being ripped away from her child, it hurt so much. Your heart felt like someone was squeezing it, the same sensation as an anxiety attack. Something you got often as a child.
   You simply gave him a fake smile and turned to John, ready to get away as soon as possible. You gave a nod to him and he led you to his previous table. He walked up to Joseph and patted his shoulder lightly to get his attention. The Alpha turned to look at his younger brother and leaned in to hear what he had to say. John cupped his mouth, whispering into his ear. The Father’s smile grew at the information, nodding at his idea. “Go with the grace of God, John.” He stated, gently grabbing John by the back of the neck and leaning in. They gently touched foreheads and closed their matching blue eyes. It was like they were sharing thoughts and emotions, completely understanding each other. Your mother had described a bond like that to you. When a mating bond or sibling bond was so strong you could feel each other's emotions and pain.
   Both Alpha let go and John led you to a fancy white truck. He helped you in and slid into the driver’s seat right next to you. He put the keys in the ignition and started the truck with a small roar. No one else followed you as you both made your way to Seed Ranch. The trip was rather long and boring, neither of you uttering a single word to each other. You just watched out the window as fields and farms passed by in a blob of color.
   When you arrived, you gave a small gasp of surprise. The ranch was huge. It was a large wooden mansion-like structure with gardens surrounding it. An airstrip appeared to be right beside it as well as a garage and a hanger. Guards moved in and out of the building, guns at the ready. John pulled into one of his garages and proceeded to help you get out. It wasn’t even two minutes and he was already laying down the rules. “Welcome to Seed Ranch. Here it’s my way or the highway, sweetheart. You get out of line, I punish you like a bad girl, be a good girl and you might get a reward.” What did he take you as? A judge?
 What on God’s green Earth had you gotten yourself fucking into?
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My Little Baby Llama - Part 13
N/A: So, grad school is killing me. But here it is! 
For those of you that might be a bit confused, this fic is happening around the end of January/2016. Before the tour dates release.
Words: 4500+
Disclaimer: Nor Dan or Phil belongs to me, and while I wish I had a Lizzie in real life, I do not have one either.
Masterpost
Dan’s POV
“I don’t want talk to you.” That’s the first thing I tell Phil as soon as I see him in front of me in the morning.
“Please Dan, just listen to me for a second.” He is walking behind me, ignoring the fact that I am trying to ignore him.
“I won’t. I don’t want to. I’m sorry but I can’t believe that you, of all of the people, would turn on me like that.”
“I’m not turning on you. I’m just trying to help you see the other side of things. It doesn’t mean that you have to follow what I said, I just want you to consider that things might not be as done as you think they are.”
“I don’t think things are done. I just know that if I don’t do anything, Lizzie’s future is doomed.”
“No, it isn’t! Look at Darcy. Look at the Saccone-Joly kids. They have completely normal lives. They go to school and have friends and they are able to go out with their family whenever they want. I’m not saying that we can compare our fans to Louise’s, but can’t you even try to believe that things will be okay, just for a second?” He holds my arm, turning me to him.
“No, I can’t. I tried to believe in you when you said that the things would be okay, once before. It didn’t end well, did it? We didn’t have any peace. We didn’t have a life, until we lied about it for years and tried to pretend it wasn’t real. So no. I won’t give my self the luxury to believe in our fans, because they don’t deserve that.” I know I have tears going down on my face. I know I just screw everything up a little bit more for mentioning the time of our lives that both of us worked so hard do ignore that existed.
“Dan…” He tries to say something, but I know my words hurt him too. “You know how sorry I am about that. You know that if I could, I would change everything about that year, so we could be okay, so I would never hurt you like that. But this isn’t anything like 2012 at all Dan. This is about Lizzie. This is about how you want her to live. Please just give it a few thoughts before deciding again that hiding her is the best idea. It was a great idea, until people found out. Now you can’t just lie about it.”
“Why not? We’ve done that before. We’ve done it for so many years. Why can’t we just add a “cousin” to the list of “pranks” we’ve done in life?” I know my words are cutting him like knives, but I just can’t control myself right now, not after spending the whole night awake thinking about it.
“Do you really want Lizzie to look to her past one day, and find out that her dad lied about her for her whole life? Do you really want her to grow up in a lie? We haven’t been lying about her to people until now. Do you really want to start something that you won’t ever be able to change for her? They might found out one day and just accept it and move on, but do you really think that Lizzie will be happy with you, if you do that?” He tries to reason with me, and I kinda get what he is saying, but I don’t want to agree with him. “I’m not saying that we should put her in our videos, or that we should make a vlogging channel with her, or that we should make this huge disclaimer about how you have a kid and explain her whole existence. I’m just saying that we shouldn’t lie. If someone asks you directly if she is your daughter, you say yes. You ask them to be discrete, and move on. You don’t have to talk about her, you don’t have to answer all the theories on Twitter. Just don’t lie. That’s all I’m asking.” I’m agreeing with my head, because I don’t think my voice will work if I try to say something. There are too many tears falling from my face, stopping me from that. “Thank you. I don’t think I can deal with any more lies in life.” He says, and I completely get it, I know it. I decide to hug him, because I know we’ve both been hurting, and we’ve both been lying, even to ourselves.
“We haven’t had your cake yet.” I say as soon as I hug him, and I see the cake over the kitchen counter, behind him.
“No we haven’t, but we should wait Lizzie for that anyway.” He doesn’t let me go, and I know that’s because he is waiting for me to calm down, so I don’t go crazy on him again. “Now to other matters. I’ve decided to where we are going.”
“Wait, now you wanna run away?” I leave his arms to face him.
“We’re not running away. Well, we are. But not to another continent. I think its time for us to take a trip to the beach. Relax a little, have a fun time with some  old friends, enjoy some fun activities at the pier…”
“Are you saying that you want us to run to Brighton? A small city with a huge youtube community? A city with a large crowd of viewers passing thru every single day? Are you nuts? We are supposed to be running to the Himalayas, not to Brighton. If I wanted a load of fans crowding over us, we would just stay here in London.”
“Well, that’s the point. We are not running from the fans, we are running from responsibilities. This is us taking a vacation to enjoy some friends time, and to take your daughter to her first beach ever.”
“Phil, this isn’t the time to take a vacation. We have a lot to deal with right now. There’s no way we can just leave it all here and go to the beach. And how the hell do you think we’ll be able to go to the beach in Brighton anyway? Last time we’ve been there, we weren’t able to stay on the shore for more than 10 minutes without a line forming to take pictures with us.”
“I’ll figure this out once we’re there. Now go wake up the llama, I want cake.”
“I won’t wake up my child because you want cake. Let her sleep.”
“But it’s my birthday, I want to eat my birthday cake and enjoy my two favorite people in the world.”
“Woah, you haven’t told me that Sarah Michell Geller was coming. I would have cleaned the house if you did.”
“You shut up! You know who I meant.” He bumps me, moving to the kitchen. “If you won’t wake her up, I’ll have to eat without the two of you.”
“NO! Are you crazy? You can’t cut your birthday cake without singing and making a wish!” I try to stop him from cutting his cake, by stopping him to get a knife. “I’ll go wake Lizzie. Don’t do anything while I do that.”
His birthday passed without any other big things happening. We tried staying out of social media, and we contacted our friends down in Brighton, to explain things and plan our visit. We would stay with PJ and Sophie for a while, but Alfie actually gave us a great idea of a runaway place.
“What should I take to a treehouse? I have no idea what the dress code is over there.” Asked Phil, showing me two of his shirts.
“Phil, the whole idea of the treehouse is to stay inside, with a gorgeous view,  enjoy the hot tub and great food without even having to open the door for the room service. At least that is what Alfie and Zoe promised us. I don’t care about what the hell you are going to be using. I expect to wear pyjamas and slippers all day, playing games and pretending that the real world doesn’t exist.” I try to find some clean PJs to put in my bag.
"Pjs and slippers it is. Have you packed Lizzie's bag already?"
"She said that she wanted to do it, so I gave her an hour to finish it. Her bags are over there in the corner.“ I point to three packed bags that I know that are filled with toys.
"Dan, she is 4, not 14. Do you really expect her to pack anything other than her toys?" Like I said, filled with toys.
"No. That's why I'll open everything when she goes to bed, and add whatever is missing."
"I could just help her, you know. Easier."  He offers. "I'm just finishing mine in a couple of minutes."
"Don't worry about that, its good for her to do something by herself." I check under my bed, but I can’t find the pants I’m looking for. “Have you seen my Pokemón Trainer track suit?” I ask Phil.
“Its in my room. I stole it last week. I’ll give it back to you if you give me back my Jake hoodie.”
“But the Jake hoodie is almost as much yours as it is mine by now. I’ve been wearing it for like 3 years. You can’t compare them.” I try to reason with him, because the hoodie is already packed and I don’t want to unpack my bag to take it of.
"Dan, you have to stop stealing my clothes. If you keep doing that I'll have to continue getting yours to replace the ones you've stolen, otherwise I'll have to walk around the flat completely naked." I want to make a fun commentary about how his naked butt isn’t something new for me, but I remember the discussion we just had, and all the things that I said that I wasn’t supposed to be making references to, and I decide to leave the fact that I’m more used to his naked body than roommates usually are with each other, out of it.
“I’ll stop stealing your nice clothes when you stop buying them.” I joke, placing my packed bag on the floor and grabbing one of Lizzie’s bags to change what she packed.
“I’ll stop buying them if you let me borrow yours.” Phil winks at me, joking too, and helps me taking Lizzie’s toys out of her bag.
“And then I’ll be the one walking around the house butt naked.” I stop to look at him and raise an eyebrow.
“I guess both of us are going to be walking around naked then.” He stares at me.
“Can I walk around naked too? I hate putting clothes on, they are so uncomfortable.” And that’s my daughter on the door frame.
“NO.” We both said looking at her.
“No one is going to be walking around the flat naked. This is not a conversation that we’ve had in this house, forget all about it.” I said falling into my knees to look at her face and make sure that she understood. “Okay?”
“Okay daddy.”
“Good, now go put your pjs because its time for you to go to bed.” I organize the bed while she is putting her pjs on, and once she's done I move her downstairs so she can brush her teeth, before I put her to bed and I open the second Harry Potter book to read it for her.
"Daddy, why doesn't Harry's family like him? Why are they hiding him and locking him away?" She asked after a couple of minutes of me reading for her.
"I guess they are just scared of him and the eyes that he brings to the family. They don't want people to thing that their family is weird or unusual, but they are raising their nephew that is an unusual kid, and that's very uncommon in their social circle, they are ashamed of being different. They are also jealous of him being a wizard, and afraid of him because he is more powerful than they are." I try to explain my point of view on it.
"Why do they care about what other people think of them? Harry is a good kid, isn't him? And he is family. Mom always says that we should always love and protect family, and that we should never be ashamed of being different." She argues back. I try to think on how to explain to her about the whole protecting him because of his mother love and staying under her sister roof would give him that protection, but she continues before I can try. "I heard you telling uncle Phil that you don't want people to know who I am. You almost never leave the house with me, and mom never let me tell people that you are my daddy." She doesn't make her point, but I get what she is asking. How the hell is she only four?
"I'm not ashamed of you, baby girl. If that's what you are thinking. I'm so proud of having you as my daughter. You are so smart and beautiful, I can't even believe how amazing you are. But you have to understand that I try to keep you hidden because I want to protect you." I hug her, to make my point stronger. "Harry had some bad people trying to get him, and staying  hidden with his muggle family is what gave him protection from them for years. I'm just trying to keep the bad people away from you."
“Why are the bad people trying to get me?”
“They are not actually bad people, little llama. But they aren’t all nice either, so we need to be careful. This isn’t conversation for right now. Do you want to me to go back to the book or not?” I ask, trying to change the subject. She agrees with the reading, and I go back to the book, expecting her to forget our conversation and go to sleep. After a chapter and a half, and some warm milk, that’s what happens.
I place the book in my shelf, change into my pjs, and I joins her in our sleep, knowing that the next day will be a long one.
Phil isn't much of a complainer, so I know that it isn't just paranoia when he complains about our travel arrangements.
"Tell me, why did we take the train?" He asks, when he notices the two girls freaking out on the other side of the train car, noticing our presence.
"Because you said that it was going to be fun for Lizzie to see the view from the train ride to Brighton. Your fault. And guess what? She's not paying attention to the view." I tell him in low voice, expecting people not to hear us. Lizzie is sleeping laying In my arms and I also don't want to wake her up.
"It's six am. I didn't think that we would have fans riding trains at 6am."
"By now we should be used to them everywhere. But hey, at least they aren't making a scene. It could be worse." I point it out, and just by Phil's change of facial expression I know that I said that too early. I notice that they are coming closer to us as their not so silent whispers get louder in our ears. I try to hold Lizzie closer, kinda hiding her face in my chest.
"OMG it is you! Can we please have a picture?" Says one of the girls as they get to us. Me and Phil smile at them and then stare at each other, trying to decide how we could do this with Lizzie staying out of the picture.
"Of course, but I'm afraid you will only be able to have one of us in the picture at a time. " Phil says, getting up and hugging one of them, then the other.
"That's completely fine, we will get two pictures in the end!" One of them sounds excited by it, and it makes me feel calmer.
Phil takes a selfie with them, and then moves to my side so he can get Lizzie from my arms, so they can have a selfie with me.
"She can stay in the picture too, we don't mind!" One of them said, and I kinda panic. I was hoping they would just ignore Lizzie's existence and move on.
"I would prefer not. And I would be very grateful if you girls could keep the commentaries about her and all of this to yourselves. Please." I say, passing Lizzie to Phil's arms. He looks at me as I said something wrong, bug right now there isn’t much time to discuss things.
"Yes, of course, no problem, we promise we won't say a thing, right Janice?" One of them says in a rush and the other agrees quickly. I thank them and we take our selfie, me and Phil give them an autograph and they go back to their seats with no more questions asked. I'm relieved. I turn to Phil, so I can get Lizzie back, but he refuses to give me my child.
“She is very comfortable here, its warm and cozy, just leave her be, I’ll give you her if my arms start to hurt.” He says, and I agree sitting down. I wait for a few seconds, and there it is, what he wanted to tell me earlier near the girls, but couldn’t. “I don’t think that asking them not to talk about her will make much of a diference. They won’t be able to keep it hidden. Someone will see our picture with them and they will ask if the little girl from the other day was with us, and they won’t lie, and a load of theories will come up.”
“ I know. I just wouldn’t feel okay if I didn’t even try, you know…”
"Yes, but somethings are just out of your control. You're gonna have to deal with it."
"I wish that I could at least keep control of my daughter’s life until she’s able to do that.”
“And when do you think that you will accept that she is old enough and that she’s be able to do that?”
“Never. Probably.” I say after a couple of minutes thinking. Phil laughs and Lizzie moves, kinda waking up. Phil starts rocking her and she goes back to sleep. “You can give me her, you know…”
“I know, I just don’t want to. I like having her close.” I agree and I leave it like that. We don’t have much more time in the train anyway, and I do have a few bags more to carry than Phil, so he can carry her if she’s still sleeping.
It isn’t even 8am when we arrive in Brighton, but PJ and Sophie are already at the train station waiting on us. They are really excited to meet Lizzie, but as I assumed earlier, she is still sleeping. We put her into the spare room bed once we arrive at Peej, and we go to the living room to talk. Sophie is the first to break the silence.
"Oh Dan, she's so gorgeous. A princess indeed. I'm kinda mad you've hidden her from us, but I understand why you wanted to keep her all to yourself."
“I’m glad you understand my pure selfish reasons to keep her hidden for four years.” I joke, joining them at the couch, and she laughs. “But thanks, she is a hand full, but she’s amazing.”
“She’s not a handful! Don’t say that! She’s great at all times.” Phil says, pushing me to the side so he can sit too.  
“Yeah, you say that because she isn't the one kic king you in the ribs during the night."
"Well, no, she isn't the one kicking me in the ribs, you are." He pushes me a bit and we notice Peej and Sophie's eyes on us. "Dan has been sleeping in my bed a few times a week since Lizzie moved in with us, because she doesn't let him sleep and we haven't bought her a bed yet." Phil explains.
"Oh, okay." Sophie says, Just ignoring it and moving on, but I can see in Pjs face that he was still analyzing it.
"I thought that Dan's bed was bigger. Isn't it still more comfortable sleeping with Lizzie, with some pillows around her, than with Phil? She's a quarter of his size."
"She moves too much and I don't want her to be uncomfortable. She has been dealing with so much stuff lately, I don't want to cause her any more pain or whatever."
"Well, sometimes you have to think about yourself too, about your comfort and your feelings. What was the last time you too had a full on day to yourselves? No meeting to worry about, no kid to worry about. Just play games, watch animes, sleep as much as you want?" We don't answer Peej, and he kinda gets it. "A few weeks at least, right?" We agree.
"Well, we are gonna change that. Starting with game night tonight. Felix and Marzia are coming. We will play some Camel Up, and Tokaido, and pretend that the world isn't falling down outside this walls."
"We should play some Mario Kart 8. Long time since I've wrecked you guys with that." I joke, and we are all laughing again.
"Anything to make my guests happy. Even if that means being destroyed in my own house." PJ answers. We spent the rest of the morning chatting and by lunch time Lizzie woke up. She was scared because she didn’t know where she was, and then scared again when she found us at the living room, and PJ and Sophie were both there.
“Hey hey hey sweet llama, no reason for panicking, I’m right here.” I say getting out of the couch and finding her half a way into the room, where she stopped and started crying. “Come on, lets say hi to some of daddy’s friends.” She’s hiding behind my leg while I walk back closer to PJ. “So this is PJ, and this is Sophie.” I say showing them. They both say hi, and she hides behind me. “Say hi honey, common.” She leaves my legs and say hi to both of them.
“Hey sweetie, do you want a cookie?” Asked Sophie, and Lizzie looked at me asking for permission. I tell her that its fine and I let them go.
“Don’t let her eat more than one, we still need to have lunch!” Phil screams, after they leave the room. “You can’t let her eat before lunch Dan, she will start getting used to it and we won’t be able to control her when she’s older.”
“Well, she was scared, I wanted her to be happy again.” I try to make my point.
“That’s not how parenting goes, Dan.” Phil says.
“But I can’t keep her from enjoying the good things in life.”
“She’ll be able to enjoy the cookie after lunch, later on the day.”
“Well, if there is one thing I learned this past few weeks its that we never should leave anything to later, we should always enjoy the good things in life at the moment we want them.”
“Dan, she is not going to choke on her lunch and die. She can have the cookies later.”
“What the hell is happening? You are supposed to be the one giving her the cookies now, since I’m the one usually stopping you from have all the popcorn in the world before diner.”
“Well, I eat popcorn before diner because my parents never told me I shouldn’t. We have to give her good exemples.”
“You sound like an old marry couple trying to raise your kid.” Said PJ, that was just watching us.
“We’re just trying to do our best.” I say, sitting down again.
“I think you guys are doing a great job. She’s still alive. That counts for something.” PJ makes a joke, and we just laugh a bit and let it die. “Common, lets decide what we are gonna be having for lunch today. We can choose between Mexican, French, Italian, or the old fish and chips.”
“I miss fish and chips, we could go for that, if everyone agrees.” Says Phil.
“I’m down for it.” I agree.
“Me too.” Sophie says, coming back to the room with a happy Lizzie in her arms, eating a chocolate chip cookie.
“Wolfies it is.” Said PJ getting up. And the he sat down again. “Do you guys wanna go there, or stay here inside hiding from the world? I can go pick it up if you want.” He offers. I look at Phil and we have a whole conversation just by looks before I tell them what we chose.
“We’ll go. We can’t hide forever.” I say, and Phil agree’s. “I’m just gonna change Lizzie’s clothes and we can head out.” I grab my daughter and move to the room where our bags are. “What do you wanna put on Lizzie Llama? Black dress or Pink shirt?”
“Black dress Daddy.”
“Black dress it is.” I say, trying not to panic. We decided to leave but I was 99% not comfortable with that yet. Phil enters the room as Lizzie is putting her shoes on.
“In a scale of 1 to Dil’s house catching on fire, how scared are you right now?”
“Our house catching on fire.”
“Okay, that’s kinda extreme. It won’t be that bad, you’ll see. We will get a cab, enter the restaurant, eat, and leave. The worst that can happen is like 5 fans find us and take a couple of pictures, we will ask them to be discreet, as the two on the train, and that’s it. Trust me.”
“Okay. I’ll trust you.”
“Good, let’s go them.” He helps Lizzie with her pair of shoes and we leave the room, to meet Sophie and PJ.
“We are ready to go. Should I call a separate cab for the three of us?” I ask, and they look weird at me. “Whats wrong?”
“Well, we are not taking a cab. Wolfies is just a few blocks away from here. We always walk there.”  Said Sophie, and PJ looked at us kinda apologetic. “Is that a problem? We can grab a cab if you want.”
“No, its fine, right Dan? Everything will be alright.” Tried Phil, and I know I’m on the verge of panicking.
“I wanna walk there, Daddy. I like to see the birds.” Said Lizzie. I just agree with them and we leave the house, without thinking much about it.
“We will be okay Dan.” That’s all PJ says as we leave their house.
It takes us 20 minutes to get there. It would be less if we haven’t met a couple of viewers on the way, but it wasn’t that bad. I was getting hopeful that things would be aright with Lizzie out of the bag. We have lunch with no interruptions, and then we decide to push our look to the limit, and walk to the beach. That’s when everything goes down.
To be continued... 
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inpraiseofdarkness · 7 years
Text
Coco Misconceptions Masterpost
Okay, so I keep seeing the same dumb misinformation OVER AND OVER again in the Coco and Pixar tags, and I did my best to ignore it but I can’t fucking take it anymore.  Here’s a nice handy list describing the biggest nuggets of stupidity I’ve been seeing people pass around (s/o to @lunaamatista and @unrated-g for their excellent posts on the topic as well):
“Disney/Pixar stole Jorge’s pitch!!!!” Jorge never pitched the film to Disney or Pixar, only Dreamworks.  And before some dumbass comes into the comments yammering “Well maybe he did and just isn’t saying!!!!” both Disney and Pixar do not accept pitches from outside parties or accept unsolicited submissions.  And studios take “We don’t accept outside submission” policies fucking seriously .  So there’s no evidence that Jorge ever took his idea to Disney or Pixar, and Disney or Pixar allowing Jorge to make a formal pitch would go directly against crucial company policy. UPDATE 1 THE UPDATENING:  Really good post from @unrated-g going into more detail about the pitching of Book of Life vs. Coco.
“There’s no Mexican people involved in making Coco!” Writer and co-director Adrian Molina* is Mexican, as is lead Character Designer Daniel Arriaga.   In addition, Pixar hired on a group of cultural consultants consisting of cartoonist Lalo Alcatraz, playwright Octavio Solis, and advocate Marcela D. Aviles.  So yes, Mexican people ARE involved in the creation of Coco (And for anyone complaining about white people being involved in the production at all lemme stop ya right there and point out Gutierrez had a white co-writer on Book of Life and last I checked that turned out well.  Oh and that other film you guys wanna compare Coco too? Kubo and the Two Strings?  All white writing and directing team based on a story by a white writing team and virtually all white cast.  But it’s Laika so I guess they’re allowed to whitewash.)
“Disney tried to copyright/trademark Day of the Dead!”  Yes, Disney tried to trademark Day of the Dead and yes it was absolutely a shitty thing to do.  It’s important to note, however that thanks to the social backlash Disney not only rescinded the attempt to trademark Day of the Dead but also hired the biggest critic of their trademark attempt (Lalo Alcatraz, mentioned above) on as a consultant for the film.  Again, it absolutely was a shitty and idiotic thing to try and trademark Day of the Dead.  But the fact is, after people told them it was a shitty idea to trademark Day of the Dead, Disney dropped the trademark attempt and hired one of the major voices pushing against their trademark attempt to serve as a cultural advisor.  Is this all PR?  Maybe.  But it doesn’t change the fact that it still happened. UPDATE 2 INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY BOOGALOO:  It’s also EXTREMELY important to note that Disney did not attempt to “copyright” Day of the Dead, they attempted to trademark it, and the two terms are not at all synonymous.  Here’s the USPTO site if you want a more in-depth explanation of the difference, but it boils down to this:  Copyright protects original works of authorship, such as books, movies, etc.  Trademarks protects the word, slogan, logo or design used to indicate the company that a set of goods come from (so it “marks” where the product comes from, geddit?).  As an example, a book publisher would trademark its name and logo, but would copyright the books and other properties that it creates.  Disney was decidedly NOT attempting to claim ownership over the whole concept of “Day of the Dead”, they were attempting to protect the specific name “Day of the Dead” so that competitors couldn’t use the name to market their own merchandise and piggyback off the movie’s publicity.  And yes, it is possible to trademark the name of a holiday, and no, trademarking the name of a holiday does not mean no one is allowed to use the holiday name or celebrate the holiday ever again (Click the links for a more detailed explanation on how that works.  To give some context, here’s four separate companies which own some kind of trademark for the phrase “Merry Christmas” and here’s two companies that own a trademark on the word “Thanksgiving”). This article is a good breakdown of why Disney would want to trademark it.  Granted, it was still a really stupid idea on Disney’s part in my opinion, but them applying for such a trademark isn’t some wholly unprecedented move.
For their part, Gutierrez and Del Toro (the respective director and producer of The Book of Life) have offered their support for Coco and have both told people to knock the fandom rivalry off.  So there’s that.
UPDATE 3 THIS TIME IT’S PERSONAL:  Here’s another good post from @lunaamatista that, in addition to touching on some of the topics already mentioned above, goes into detail on the cultural aspects of Day of the Dead and I highly recommend it.
Look, this isn’t me trying to say “FUCK ANYONE WHO DOESN’T LIKE COCO”. I’ve seen plenty of complaints about the movie’s design, plot, whatever that are perfectly legitimate opinions to have.  And I’m sure once the movie is out there will be plenty of discussion to be had about representation, diversity, etc within the movie. 
BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IF YOU WANT TO CRITICIZE COCO AT LEAST GET YOUR FUCKING FACTS STRAIGHT AND STOP REPEATING BLATANT MISINFORMATION.
*For what it’s worth, Molina is also gay.  Let me reiterate:  One of the co-creators for a huge, tentpole family film made by one of the biggest studios on the planet is co-created by a gay Mexican man.  No big deal or anything.
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cortex-reaver · 7 years
Text
Chapter 62: Reunion [Post System Shock 2 Fanfic]
Warnings; Language, cyborg horror, emotional trauma
Masterpost
Hacker peered down the corridor, mentally wincing at his sensor-enhanced sight. It was so garish it made his old Berserker visions look muted in comparison. He continued poking at his menus and their settings, patiently reducing the mish-mash of sensory data down to something he could tolerate.
That and he'd really rather not see the skeletons or fleshy insides of people he knew quite well already, thank you very fucking much. The first few times he saw Goggles after hooking in would give him nightmares. That much he knew already.
Oh there we go. Reduce deep-radar, deep-scan layers to toggle for when I want 'em...And now modify the scan modes to Moderate to Light so I'm not thinking the floor is fucking transparent even when the limbs are telling me it isn't. Yeah okay. There.
The sensory hailstorm of colors and data dropped to a near monotonous blue-green-red scheme showing heat sources, accessible machinery, systems with wi-fi, and a much better view of Goggles without all her squishy insides. Seeing all the modifications SHObeta had made to her hadn't helped his sanity much either. She was less human than either had realized, and that had been surprisingly disturbing despite his current condition.
A corner of his mind noted that Goggles knew this about herself, and this was why she had withdrawn so much during her time at his apartment. No wonder, he mused.
Moderate scan was now promptly blocked by her armor, and what he got back was information that defined a solid human body in front of him instead of...well, let's not go there.
He blinked his eyes, wondering why in fuck-all had the Super-Reaver frame decided to go rearrange the innards of his eyeballs. He'd managed to stop it from building those sensor plates over his eye sockets, but it had gone right around him and modified his eyes.
He shrugged mentally. Fix that later, just get things useable, and then find out where the damn combat HUD was so he could get at it during a fight. Or better yet, find out where the simple Visible Spectrum view was first.
Oh. There we go—AUUUGH I DID NOT SAY TO GO TO CYBERSPACE! WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THESE MENUS?!
The world around him lay drenched in black, with fluorescent geometric shapes outlined in brilliant lines. Corridors of yellow and gold panels outlined chambers with flickering shapes and symbols around them. Lines of code flitted back and forth. Energy pulsed on the walls like a thing alive. Citadel's cyberspace looked positively boring compared to this.
Now his head hurt again, and not because of the shit he'd let drill into it to wire his brain up--
Fucking hell where's the exit? he growled to himself as he swam about the mass of confusing and brightly lit shapes. This looked more like Cyberspace shot with Stam-Up and a double dose of Berserker, then chased down with some LSD for kicks.
At least navigating here felt mostly the same. Maybe. Maybe not. He couldn't tell. He hadn't been in C-space proper since some of the newer interface softwares for his implant skipped direct cyberspace interfaces in favor of layered symbol grids. Immersion had become outdated over the last twenty years, much to his present chagrin.
After swatting around some several familiar-looking shapes, plenty of swearing, and ducking a trio of floating glitchy skulls he hoped weren't security programs reporting back to the Super-Reavers, he finally found the stop-sign shaped exit and dropped back into--
“Dude, are you okay?” Goggles asked. “You froze up for a second there.”
“Got lost in the menus, then got lost in cyberspace,” he sighed tiredly as he scrubbed at his face with one hand. “This thing's a beast. I was lucky to get the legs working as well as I did back there. Thanks for your help.”
Thank God it was Visible Spectrum Mode he'd dropped back into. He saw her smile, and sighed with relief.
He looked her over, then shook his head amid the Super-Reaver's wiring.
“Damn, those optics are trashed. Sorry about the elevator. I uh, set the speed modifier too high there. Can you see well enough to walk?”
In answer, the soldier simply pried the optics off and regarded him with her natural brown eyes.
“Blurry but decent,” she finally said. “Anyways...we're still alive, we're OK, and we're not being eaten by a mass of Super-Reavers. I'll take busted optics over that any day. How about we tell the others how you made out?”
“Sure. No problem. Y-you might wanna go ahead of me, though. I'm pretty sure I have the super-regen now, but I'm not ready to find out how much it hurts to grow anything back.”
Goggles nodded with a knowing chuckle.
“Yeah, I'll do that,” she remarked, then shook her head with a grin. “Hopefully the Stooges don't decide to grenade first and ask questions later.”
The walk to the Regen room was quiet, save for Hacker's occasional slips and slides while skittering along with his new limbs. Goggles gave him a wide enough berth as he continued sorting out the Super-Reaver's movements. After another moment's walking, she sent her signal ahead.
Goggles: Hey. We're back. Can you like, not shoot when we get there?
Moe: Hey, welcome back. Whaddya mean, not shoot?
Larry: Waitasec. Hacker was gonna get one of those Super-Reaver rigs. Right?
Curly: Yeah yeah yeah how'd you make out?
They reached the three Stooges guarding the doorway several moments later.
“Hey guys,” Hacker called out, waving with one hand. “That answer your questions?”
All three Stooges stared in perfectly synchronized slack-jawed shock. Then abruptly switched to fanged grins accompanied by soft moaning cackles.
Then Larry banged on the door with one limb.
Larry: GUYS YOU GOTTA SEE THIS
Curly: DUUUUUUUUUUUUDE THAT IS SICK
Moe: HOLY SHIT
The door slid open to reveal Dex, who peeked out, then promptly lurched backwards with a horrified scream. SHObeta darted out next, then whirled to race back into the Regen room with a gleeful screech of glitched laughter.
Craig stepped through the door, then did a double-take.
“Hey, you’re not dead! Or a zombie!”
He pulled off his optics, and looked Hacker over. He put them back on with a stunned shake of his head.
“Wow, damn that's some serious freak-ass you're wearing.”
“Tell me about it. Might need you and the Stooges to help with the menus. They're beyond ridiculous.”
“Uh yeah, sure thing,” Craig sputtered as he motioned the soldier and Hacker inside.
Goggles stepped through, then got as far away from the door as possible. Thankfully the entryway was bigger than the elevator's. After a few minutes' frantic limb positioning, Hacker hauled himself into the Regenerator room.
He picked his way to the largest patch of clear floor, then set the Super-Reaver down in a messy coil of limbs with his body sitting atop them. Only after he sat down, did Dex venture to peek out from behind a stunned Bryce.
Hacker waved, hoping to calm him down. The poor Exec-Bot shook harder than the Reaver factory's bots had when they found out Cortie was SHODAN.
A moment later, he got control of himself, and stepped out from behind his friend.
“So it did work,” Bryce remarked with an evil grin rivaling the Stooges'. “You are crazy. Good. Only way to live these days.”
Then he grinned even wider.
“So what can ya do to these bastards now?”
“Plenty,” Hacker answered with a matching grin. “All thanks to null.ethic.”
“Huh. So that bit of code is actually good for something?” Dex marveled. “The times we live in. Sorry 'bout that, Hacker. Call it a flashback to when I got blown up by one of those fuckers.”
“No worries there, dude,” Hacker softly replied, nodding. “I've done worse with my shit.”
He then motioned to the regenerators. “Anybody wake up yet?”
“Nah,” Craig answered. “Not yet. Rebecca's coming out first cause she got the least amount of damage. Mostly a mangled shoulder. Timer's got fifteen minutes left. Rod's next, Tamora's third, and then Suzi last since the Super-Reaver like, almost broke her in half. It's gotta not only rebuild her but her cyberware. Messy.”
He winced sympathetically, then shrugged. He glanced to Goggles, noting the busted optics in her hand. He rummaged in his assorted pockets, then pulled out a brand-new pair of cyber-goggles.
“From the Reaver plant's replicator,” he explained. “Had a feeling you'd need a spare again after the rat hunt.”
The soldier smiled with relief as she took the new optics and secured them to her face.
“Thanks.”
“Looks like the regenerators are making better time than the old Citadel ones,” Hacker remarked, using his Sensearound – only after turning off all the same jacked up sensor-feed bells and whistles on its viewer as well – to closely examine all the stations' timers.
“Means we won’t have to wait too long to regroup, here.”
Goggles nodded.
“Figured as much. Rebecca's the one we need for taking the Bridge the most, so with her out first, we have a better shot at a decent plan. But first...”
She walked up to Cortieball, who had watched the proceedings with saucers for eyes. Gently she lifted her from Bryce's hand, then carried her over to the Hacker.
“...I think you should get Cortie out of lockdown.”
He looked down at Cortie's face, which now had a huge grin of sheer glee to go with her huge eyes.
“Well now this is an old fantasy of yours, isn't it?” he teased with a crooked grin.
Her face remained the same save for an eager nod as Goggles passed her into Hacker's hands.
“Probably something about reaching my full potential as a cyborg,” he remarked with a chuckle. “Well once I get you out, I'll tell you about all the bells and whistles on this thing. This thing is beast.”
Goggles chuckled.
“So you figure out how they did it?” she asked. “Dumped in the ethics code?”
Hacker shrugged in his rig.
“Judging from the wi-fi menus in this thing, my bandwidth is ridic. Could transmit station-wide OSes in minutes. Chances are the ethics params went through in oh...half a second? Maybe less? The tricky part is how they got them in past Cortie's defenses”--
“CYber-r-RspaCE,” Cortie said softly, her face shifting to a somber expression. “I Look-k-Ked at My meMORieS of WHeN thEY aTTAckeD. It...it waS In CyberSPaCe. I waSN't lOokInG theERe WheN thEey caMe. All thEy Had To Do...waSss Get NEaR mEEeee-e-eE. WHICh theY D-d-d-dID. VerRrRy QuickLY.”
“Shit,” Hacker muttered, realization dawning on him. “Classic Cortex Reaver c-space fuckery. That's how they get anybody kicking around in C-space, pretty much. If you're jacked in, they can see you. That's easy enough for a normal Reaver, too. All PsychoDAN had to do was tell 'em what to do once they found you. And soon as you got distracted, wham.”
Goggles snapped her fingers in frustration.
“It's like they were planning for her to be distracted. Defending you”--
“Was exactly it,” Hacker sighed grimly. “They used my blackout against her. It was the perfect opening for them. She'd have to defend me because of how she felt about me and Citadel. The one time she wouldn't be focusing on her brain defense.”
“They used your guilt as a blind spot,” Goggles said softly.
Cortie blinked. Then her face crumpled inside the ball.
“OhHhHhh-H-HhHhh,” she sighed miserably.
Her face settled into the bottom of the ball with a long, mournful sigh. Hacker gently held her to his chest.
“It maAkes PerFEct seNSE,” she whispered. “THeY KnEw whaAT to Hit Me With, whERe, and WHeN.”
“Well now I know how they did it, I should be able to undo it,” Hacker said. “My implant's got a copy of null.ethic. All I'll have to do is go into cyberspace and pop it back into your head. The tricky part is figuring how to replicate the Super-Reavers' little dance move. Boom. Done.”
“It wiLL not bE so sIMple,” Cortie sadly explained as he settled her into his lap again. “I caN onLY speAK in THisS-s-s Form. I WIlL be MuTE theEERe. My sysTEM has ActiVaTed NumerOUS defenSEs againST beINg DIsaB-b-bBLed Or MOdifIEd.”
She paused, letting out a long glitched hiss of a sigh.
“The EthiCS PrograM UsEs theM TO PReveNT tamPerInG. DIeGo gaVE you aCCEss PaSt thoSe. You Do NOt haAVe thaT aCcEs-s-sS nOw. TheY wiLL fiGhT You. I Am ParalYZeD but the progRAm is NoT.”
Hacker blinked as he stared down at the ball in his hands.
“So I'm gonna end up fighting you in cyberspace...again?”
She nodded delicately.
“I aM So SOrR-r-rY...in aDvancE.”
Hacker groaned as he clapped a hand to his face.
“The bright side to this dark cloud is I'm going in as a Super-Reaver,” he muttered. “Which means it's going to work, regardless of whatever I end up dealing with.”
“AnoTheR thiNG,” Cortie added. “I moDifieD my dEFenseS extENSIveLy on CItaDEl and BeyoND. The EthIcs COde USeS whaAT is aVAILable. TheY...THeY arE Not For the FainT-t-t Of HeaRT. YOu wIlL HaVe to Get PaST theEM to SEND meE the Code. It mUst Get intO my MInD or It wiLL bEe DestrOYED by THeEM.”
Hacker stared at her, then groaned again. Yep. Flashback Central dipped in acid and chased down with Berserker. Par for the course.
“I picked a hell of a day to face all my nightmares at once,” he muttered. “Goddammit.”
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atlafan · 4 years
Text
My Everything - Part Five
A Take it Slow Sequel
What happens with Harry and Y/N after he proposes? How will the two navigate the engaged life while also continuing to juggle their jobs, friends, and families? Let’s find out.
Warnings: Little bit of angst, fluff, and smut (we got some butt stuff as well)
a/n: not proofread fam, I didn’t have the strength.
Masterpost
Harry was beyond excited to go to the Cape with you today, and just spend the day together as your little family. Buster was being a good boy in the back seat like always. There wasn’t much traffic like the two of you suspected. He looked really cute today, he was wearing a forest green sweater with a pair of loose jeans. His pearls out and proud.
The first location you’d be checking out was an inn with indoor and outdoor accommodations. It wasn’t right on the beach, but you could see it in the background, and that’s all that mattered to you.
“Here it is, love.” Harry says to you as he pulls into the parking area.
“It’s even prettier in person.” He hums in agreement.
You get Buster’s leash on and help him out of the car. You both head inside and tell the woman at the check in desk that you were there for a tour.
“Ah, the soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Styles.” A man says, approaching the both of you. “Welcome to our inn.”
“Thank you.” Harry shakes his hand and so do you.
“And who’s this little guy?”
“This is Buster, our little fur baby.” You giggle. “We’re hoping to have him bring the rings down the aisle.”
“Very cute, we see that more and more these days.” He pats him on the head. “Shall we?”
You both nod and follow him out to the main ballroom.
“So we accommodate both buffet and a served dinner. We know a lot of people opt for buffet these days because it is less expensive, but know we have the room for both. We can also set up the ballroom pretty much anyway you’d like. Nice round tables and what not. Typically we have the dancefloor over there along with the DJ.” He points to one end of the room. “The bar usually goes there.” He points to another direction. “But other than you have complete creative freedom.”
“Couldja see yourself dancin’ out there, babe?”
“Oh for sure. Aw, Harry, our first dance.” You hug his arm quick and continue to follow the man.
Harry completely forgot that a couple hundred people would be watching the two of you dance…he knew how to dance, but he wanted to make it really special for you.
“There’s a door that leads out here to a nice patio.” He opens the door for the both of you. “Folks can take drinks out here, but there is a gate that doesn’t allow them past a certain point. We can set up tables and chairs out here as well. It’s a beautiful view of the water, don’t you think?”
“It’s lovely.” You say.
He leads you out back through the ballroom and to where the bathrooms were. Then through another set of double doors to the outdoor space where the ceremony would be.
“That gazeebo is breathtaking.” You say as you walk up to it. You look out back towards the inn. “Looks like there’s plenty of room for chairs, sweetie.”
“Mhm, this is a gem for sure.”
“There’s a path down that way to the beach as well. Many couple do their first looks down there, and family photos since it’s a bit more private.”
“Good to know.” Harry says. “Are we doin’ that? A first look?”
“They’re cute, but I’d really like the first time you see me in the dress to be when I walk down the aisle.”
“I feel the same way actually.”
“Can you show us what a room might look like? Maybe a bridal suite as well?”
“Of course! Right this way, I’ll show the bridal suite first, it’s just down the hall from the ballroom.”
The bridal suite had a ton of chairs and mirrors and a bathroom. It was ideal. He shows you wear the groom and his party typically get ready as well, and then shows you what the honeymoon suite looks like.
“Will you two be having separate rooms the night before?”
“I think that’s the plan.” You say as you walk in. “This is lovely.”
“Jacuzzi tub too.” Harry says, poking his head into the bathroom.
“We have dog accommodations as well. We can make sure there’s biscuits and a bowl for water in whatever rooms you stay in.”
Lastly, you follow the man to his office and take a seat.
“I know it was a lot to see, and I’m sure you’re considering some other places.”
“We are.” Harry says. “Can we see your packages and stuff like that?”
“Of course.” He gets a piece of paper from his desk and explains the different packages and prices. It was honestly really fair and surprisingly enough under $10K.
“I’m just curious, could we see like when your open dates are? That might sway our decision in the end as well.” You say. You knew Harry would have a lot to discuss over lunch before going to the next location.
“Sure, when were you two thinking?”
“Ideally, next fall…” Harry says. That sounded really soon to you, and way too much to handle in a year.
“But we’re flexible.”
The man takes out a calendar and shows you both.
“As you can see, we’re completely booked through next fall already. I think people wised up that that’s a bit cheaper too. However…” He flips to April 2022. “If you’re looking to still save a few bucks we have some open weekends as early as April. It’s not terribly hot, but not too cold either.”
“Could I take a picture of that?” You ask.
“Certainly.” You take your phone out and snap a picture of the calendar.
After a few more questions you thank the man for his time, and head to the small restaurant the inn had to test out the food a bit. They allowed Buster to sit at your feet.
“So…what’d you think overall?” Harry asks.
“I love it, honestly. I wonder how the other place will compare.”
“You didn’t seem too, uh, broken hearted that it wouldn’t be able to be next fall…”
“Harry.” You sigh. “I just don’t think it’s realistic with everything else going on this year. Hell, I’m going dress shopping with Erica next weekend, and the weekend after that I’m supposed to meat El and her other bridesmaids for our dresses. I’d rather have a bit more time so we’re not stressed, you know?”
“I get it…felt sick when I saw 2022 though, I’m not gonna lie.”
“I know.” You laugh. “It feels really weird to wait that long, but I have a feeling it’ll fly by.”
“I’ll be twenty-eight by the time we get married…”
“Mhm, and I’ll be turned twenty-seven.”
“You really wanna wait that long?”
“Well…” You lean a little closer. “I could use that time to get off birth control so we could go on our honeymoon and we could…you know…” Harry sits back in his chair to contemplate all of it.
“I suppose it would give us more time to keep saving for all the things we want…” He takes a sip of his water. “God, what torture, havin’ a fiancé as sexy as you and not bein’ able to come inside yeh. Damn shame.”
“Harry!” You shush him. “Please.” You shake your head. “There’s other places on my body you can do that.”
“We’ll need to be really careful so you don’t get pregnant beforehand like El and Lou.” He laughs.
“Mhm, very careful.”
“Okay, I suppose that’s a good compromise. I wonder what dates the other place will have open. They could have some sooner, you know?”
“We’ll just have to see what they say.”
Needless to say neither you nor Harry liked the second venue nearly as much, and it was way more expensive. The dates were also farther out. Your choice was easy enough to make, so you decide to just drive back to the first place and talk to the man.
“Back so soon?” He says, delighted.
“We love it here.” You say, sitting down in his office. “And we didn’t want to risk not getting a good date. We think April 2022 is perfect.” You give Harry’s hand a squeeze.
“We’d like the package with the buffet…” Harry says. “The silver.”
“Excellent choice.” Harry writes him a check for the deposit. “We’ll be contacting you shortly to do a food tasting. Please take some time to look over our menu options. Did you enjoy lunch?”
“We did! It was delicious.” You say.
“Wonderful. We’ll help you every step of the way best we can. I’ll be your direct contact so please don’t hesitate to reach out with any and all questions.”
“Thank you so much.” Harry says and shakes his hand.
You both squeal once you’re in the car.
“April 18th, 2022…can you believe it? We’ve set a date!” You say.
“I’m so excited, baby.” He kisses you. “Let’s get home, I need to get in there.” He gives your thigh a squeeze and you giggle.
“Sounds good to me.”
//
“Harry, if I don’t get up now I’ll be late to Erica’s bridal appointment.” You giggle.
Harry wouldn’t get off of you, he had you pinned to the bed.
“But it’s our anniversary.” He mumbles as he kisses your neck. You look up at him and smile. “This day last year I asked you to be my girlfriend.”
“I believe your exact words were, am I your boyfriend?”
“And you said, would you like to be.” He kisses you again. “So, you can’t leave until I’ve had my way with you.”
“Of, is that so?”
“Mhm.”
“Couldn’t you have your way with me when I get back?”
“You’re not gonna be home until like dinner time.” He pouts.
“Baby, please don’t make me feel guiltier than I already do…besides, I need you to go on Vista Print today and see what you want the save the dates to look like, remember?”
“Fine, but we’re havin’ a quickie in the shower.” He looks down at you. “If that’s what you want of course.”
“I do.” You kiss his nose. “Thanks for double checking.”
Harry managed to suck a huge hickey on the back of your shoulder. You were just happy it wasn’t you who would be getting in and out of dresses today.
“Oh! That’s been my favorite so far, honey.” Your mom says as Eric comes out in her fifth dress.
You had stayed relatively quiet. You didn’t really like any of the dresses she picked out, but then again Erica wasn’t you, and she had a different sense of style. You look over at Bridget who was more focused on the flute of champagne the store provided. You roll your eyes and look back at Erica who was looking at you.
“You haven’t said a thing…”
“Sorry, it’s just, I’m not the one who’s going to be wearing the dress, you are. Do you like it? Is it comfortable, can you walk and dance in it?”
“I think I love this one. I haven’t loved the others.”
“Then you should get this one.” Your mom says. “You have to love it, especially at these prices.”
“Good point, this is it, this is the one.” She squeals.
You all go out for lunch after.
“When do you think you’ll wanna go dress shopping Y/N?” Erica asks.
“No idea. I have some time yet. Probably after the holidays.”
“That’s a good idea, that way that holiday weight will be gone.” Your mom laughs.
“I don’t typically gain a lot over the winter…besides I could completely change my mind and go shopping in London when Harry and I go again for Christmas.” You shrug.
“You wouldn’t want us there?” Erica asks, frowning.
“It’s not that-“
“And who would you go with? Anne and Gemma?” Your mom asks.
“Maybe. I’m not saying I would buy anything out there, but if I happen to walk by a bridal shop and see something I like I’ll probably go in.”
“Must be nice to just go to London whenever.” Bridget says under her breath.
“Well, that’s what happens when you have a real job and make a life for yourself and don’t live in your mother’s basement.” You huff.
“Y/N.” Your mom says.
“No, I’m sorry. We dance around this all the time, and no one ever scolds her for the comments she makes. I’m so sorry that your three younger siblings managed to get their shit together and you couldn’t, Bridget, really I am. But I’m not going to sit here and let you shit on the things I get to experience. And I don’t get to go whenever I want, and neither does Harry. He’d go a lot more if he could.”
“If you’re going to have an attitude like this then maybe I just won’t be involved with any of your plans.” Bridget says.
“Good, music to my ears actually.” You sit back and cross your arms.
“That’s enough girls.” Your mom says. “Neither of you really mean that-“
“It’s my wedding, I can do things how I want. Erica wanted us all here to help her find a dress, that’s great. But that might not be how I want to do things.”
“It’s not always about you.” Erica says.
“Really? Then who is my wedding about?”  
“It’s about you, of course, but it’s also about the people that love you.”
“Well pardon me for not always feeling totally loved by own my family. You know if Harry had said he wanted to get married overseas I would’ve done it in a heartbeat, and then what you have done Bridget? Mum would’ve paid for all your accommodations, and you wouldn’t even offer to pay her back.” You look away from the three of them, and then to Erica. “I’m sorry, this is your day.”
“The dress shopping part was fun…I’m happy I finally have a dress. And you know what color I’d like the bridesmaid’s dresses to be, so you can shop with your friends how you like.” She smiles.
“So are we just going to pretend you two aren’t fighting right now?” Your mom says to you and Bridget.
“She started it…s’not my fault she’s bitter.”
“I’m not bitter, I like my life just fine, thanks.”
“Mhm.” You roll your eyes. “So, what’s next, what else do you need to get done?” You ask Erica.
“Well, honestly, not much. Venue and food is good to go. The DJ has been booked. All of the stressful stuff is done. Now we get to plan the fun stuff like the bridal shower and the bachelorette. But that stuff won’t be until months from now. Don’t you have another wedding you’re pretty involved in like a month before mine?”
“Yeah, our friends Louis and Eleanor.”
“Oh, they just had a baby over the summer right?” You mom asks.
“Mhm, Eliza May, she’s so stinking cute. Anyways, they’re getting married like exactly a month before you, and I’m in her wedding party. Harry is Louis’ best man.”
“Will Louis be his?” Erica asks.
“Yeah, but he hasn’t asked him yet. We’re going to ask Niall to officiate. We’re going to take him to dinner soon to surprise him.”
“I’m surprised Harry was okay pushing things off until next April since he was so eager to get engaged.” Your mom says.
“He really wanted it to be next fall, but with all of this stuff going on it would’ve been too much. I didn’t wanna take away from Erica. Plus, I still have so many classes to take. We compromised though…”
“On what exactly?” Bridget asks.
“Well…I told him I would get off the pill a little sooner so by the time we get married we could start trying for a baby sooner.”
“Isn’t that exactly how your friend Eleanor got pregnant?” Erica asks.
“Yeah, but they just weren’t being careful. And nothing’s happening just yet. It’ll probably be another year until I get off of it. He wants a baby so badly, so I think my promise of that perked him up.”
“I think it’s sweet he wants to have a kid with you, honey.” Your mom says. “It takes a real man to not be afraid of something like that.”
“Today is technically one of our anniversaries…he asked me to be his girlfriend a year ago today.”
“Why didn’t you say something?! No wonder you’re all pissy, you should be home with him.” Erica says.
“It’s okay, we’re going to hang out tonight.” She puts a hand on the back of your shoulder and you wince.
“Sorry, are you alright?”
“Yeah, I just…pulled a muscle at the gym the other day.”
//
When you get home you’re hit with an intoxicating aroma: tofu curry. Buster greets you and you walk into the kitchen.
“Hey baby!” Harry says just stirring the mixture before letting it simmer.
“It smells so good in here.” You give him a kiss. “I made sure to eat light at lunch because I knew you were going to make something yummy.”
“And I made chocolate covered strawberries for dessert.”
“Aw, remember the first time I made those for you? And you had to show me how to eat them properly.” You giggle.
“How could I forget, that was like the first time we really made out.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “How are your sister and mum? Erica find a dress?”
“Mhm, and it suits her really well. I got into it a little with Bridget at lunch, but other than that it was good, pretty normal.”
“Why’d you get into it with her?”
“Sometimes I just can’t bite my tongue, you know me. She made a comment and I chose not to ignore it. It’s fine, it happens.” You shrug. “Like I said, pretty normal.”
“Well, I’m glad you don’t bite your tongue. She’s thirty-three and you’re way more mature from what I’ve gathered.” He kisses your forehead. “Go sit in the dining room, I got it all set up with candles and everything.”
“You’re too cute.”
You go out and sit down. He set it up really nicely. A few minutes later he comes out with two plates full of the delicious curry, and the naan bread you both like.
“Mm, oh my god, you’ve outdone yourself.” You say after taking a bite.
“Glad you like it, baby.” He smirks and then he starts laughing.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just remembered what we did the night we made things official.” He takes a bite of bread and grins at you.
“Which was what?”
“You let me down on you for the first time.” You nearly choke on your food. The memory came flooding back to you. “You begged me to let you move yourself against me.”
“Harry, please, we’re at the dinner table.”
“So? Not like there’s any kids around.” He looks over his shoulder at Buster. “I know he’s a smart dog, but I don’t think he fully knows what we’re sayin’.” He winks at you and you nudge him.
“Sometimes I think it’s really silly with how timid I was.”
“You had good reason. It just made things more exciting and creative. Like sometimes I’d nibble on you and other times I wouldn’t use my teeth at all. I feel like I really got to learn what your body reacted to the most.”
“I’m happy I could help you conduct your study.” You shake your head and continue eating.
You help clean up and then you both sit on the sofa with the strawberries. You giggle as you feed them to each other. Harry slowly drags one around your lips before letting you bite down on it. He pulls you in for a kiss, sucking on your bottom lip. Your hands tug at his hair and he groans against you.
“Bedroom.” He says against your lips and you nod.
You both race down the hall and into the bedroom. You get all your clothes off and you both get onto the bed. He kisses down your body and spreads your legs apart. His thumb works your clit while his tongue licks into you.
“Fuck, oh my god.” Your head rolls back. “Been thinking about this all day, you have no idea.” He moans against you as you tug on his hair. He loved when you talked like this. “You really know what do with it, Harry, shit.” He rubs you really fast, making you come all over his tongue. He licks his lips as he sits up. “Your turn.” You grin.
He lays down and you get between his legs. You don’t waste any time getting your mouth on his tip. You suck on it while your hand works the rest of him. You cradle his balls while you take more of him in your mouth. You groan when you taste more of his precome. It wasn’t so much that you liked the taste, it was more that you loved making him feel so good.
“Y/N.” He moans. “Want you to come sit on my face.” You pop off him.
“But I already had my turn.” You say confused.
“Didn’t realize it was a one and done situation.” He smirks. “Get your ass up here.”
“Let’s do it at the same time.”
You crawl up his body and turn around so you can still suck his cock. You gasp when you feel his tongue on you again. You were a bit more sensitive now. After he makes you come again he has you lay on your back. You think he’s going to get his dick in you, but he starts fingering you instead. He spreads your legs really far apart as he curls his fingers up inside you. He takes his fingers out and sucks his pinky into his mouth before continuing. He looks down at you and sees how wet you are, and how it’s dripped down to your other hole.
“What? You’re making me self-conscious, what are you looking at?” You prop yourself up on your elbows.
“What do you say, can I get this in there while I finger you? You’re awfully lubricated for it.” He holds up his pinky and wiggles it at you.
“Okay…”
“Really?”
“Yes, but only your pinky, and don’t just stick it in.”
“Would you let me rub around it first?”
“Sure.” You put your hand on his shoulder and he looks at you. “Happy anniversary.”
“Couldn’t have asked for a better present to be honest.”
“I get to do it to you after.” You pout. “Pleaseeee.”
“Already a step ahead of yeh, I showered already and everything.”
You smile and lay back down all the way. You feel his fingers lightly graze around your little hole and it doesn’t feel that bad. You had let him rub the tip of his dick against it enough times that this really wasn’t that much different. You feel him insert his middle and index fingers back into your core to further relax you. You gasp when you feel his pinky go inside your ass.
“Okay?” He looks at you.
“Mhm.”
“Could you…unclench so I can move it?” He chuckles.
“Sorry.”
Harry uses his other hand to rub slow circles on your clit and you’re able to relax a little more. You truly weren’t sure what the appeal of doing this to a girl was, but as he continued to do what he was doing, you felt stimulated in a way like never before.
“You’re so fucking wet, you like it, angel?”
“Feels good, yeah. Make me come, Harry.”
“Yeah, you want me to make you come again?”
“Please.”
His fingers pump faster, and you grip the sheets until you cry out. He was really giving you a good time tonight, but then again, it was an anniversary.
“Can I just fuck you for a bit before we get to all the other stuff?” He says.
“I need your dick so bad, please, put it in.”
He smirks and does as you say. You both moan once he’s all the way in. You hold him close to you and wrap your legs around his waist.
“I’m gonna come if you keep your legs like that.”
“Good, I want you to. You’ll get hard again, don’t worry.” You bite down on his shoulder and he loses it.
When he pulls out he sticks his fingers right in to collect the mixture and he hold them up to your mouth for you to suck on how you like. You lap around his fingers and suck them clean.
“Yup, that didn’t take long.” He looks down at himself and you both laugh.
“Go get the towel while I grab everything else sweetie.”
He nods and grabs his towel to lay on the bed. You grab the lube and the strap and place them both on the bed. Once you get him fully prepped and stretched, you get the strap on, and thrust into him.
“Holy shit.” He groans. “Hit it right away, angel.”
“I did? I must be getting better at this.” You smile and lean down to kiss him quick.
You stroke his cock while you rock in and out of him.
“You look so fucking good like this, Harry.”
“So do you.” He grits his teeth and you can tell he’s getting closer.
“Wanna make a mess, Harry? Wanna just come all over me?”
“Fuck, yeah I do.”
His come spurts out in ribbons all over your necks, chest, and stomach. You wait for him to catch his breath before pulling out. He props himself up on his elbows to look at you.
“You’re absolutely filthy.” He tuts his tongue a few times. “Gonna have to take a good, long bath to getcha all clean.”
“I guess so.” You smile.
Harry sits behind you in the tub as you lay your head on his shoulder.
“You’re so special to me, Y/N.” He coos. “My special girl.” He kisses your temple and you look up at him. “Love you more than anything.”
“I love you too, Harry.” You give his thigh a little squeeze. “I feel really lucky.”
You and Harry barely had a fight since you got engaged. It was like you were in this new honeymoon stage where you were always on each other’s side. Not that you were looking for a fight or anything, but the two of you had just been way more agreeable lately. Maybe it was your meds doing their job, or maybe it was the excitement of planning the wedding of your dreams with your soulmate. You loved the feeling of not being able to wait to see him, and you loved even more feeling so wanted the minute you stepped through the door. There wasn’t much more you could ask for.
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hey friends! this is the first post of a new series of masterposts i am going to do on shakespeare’s major works. i have a degree in history & english literature from one of the top unis in the uk and i’ve covered a hell of a lot of shakespeare in my time, so hopefully i can offer some help to you guys. please let me know if there’s anything you want different in future posts, feedback would be great. hope i can help, and happy new years!
themes
sex, if love be blind, it best agrees with night
romeo & juliet is absolutely chocked full of sexual overtones, it’s basically about two kids getting a bit carried away trying to get into each others pants
3.2.13-16 highlights this link between juliet’s sexual inexperience and her sexual eagerness. she is ‘unmann’d’ in that she has yet to take a husband, as well as in that an unmanned falcon would fly free if taken outdoors were a hood not pulled over its head
3.2.21-23 stresses the heartbeat rhythm, ‘come night, come romeo, come thou day in night’. it’s a fast rhythm, stressing her desire for him to come to her. her boldness is born in her desire and her separation from innocence, which could also form the base for a point about femininity and docility being tied to innocence and virginity if you fancied taking that route
mercutio has been described as ‘sex-obsessed’, but i’d say he’s a pretty archetypal teenage boy in this respect. he makes lewd references to rosaline’s ‘quivering thigh’, and mocks romeo’s ‘love’ 2.1.9-24 generally, setting up the argument that romeo can’t distinguish between love and lust. romeo also makes reference to juliet’s thighs on their wedding night, although saying that they’re ‘like jewels, the work of a master hand’ is rather nice compared to his remarks about rosaline and how she refused to ‘ope the gap’. i would say this repeated mention of thighs distinguishes the difference between the laddish chat between the boys and the conversations between a man and wife, another break from innocence and youth.
mercutio also reduces love to merely sex in 2.1.36-41, and his fruit based metaphor could easily be linked to the fruit of eden and sex being a product of the birth of sin if you wanted to go down that route
there is of course the famous pun on ‘maidenhead’, equating sword fighting with raping women, at the opening of the play, establishing and linking the consistent themes of sex and violence 
 essentially these two are horny teenagers and sex is a huge theme in the play. it is easy to tie to love, innocence, femininity etc. 
useful articles on sex in r&j: 1. 2.(ctl+f sex for ease) 3.(partic. interesting commentary on rape in r&j) 4.
masculinity, thy beauty hath made me effeminate  
this is, i think, one of the more interesting topics covered in r&j, and as a result there’s a shitload of useful sources for it
in romeo’s hypermasculine society he is expected to either violently defend his family and his name or master his own self-control and autonomy and love. he attempts to do both simultaneously and it doesn’t pan out so well for him. 
all the deaths of the young men in the play stem from them trying to fulfil these expectations of them. 
unlike benvolio, mercutio and tybalt, who maintain their masculinity in death, romeo’s suicide is seen as weak, even effeminate. 
appelbaum’s article in shakespeare quarterly is particularly important, i think, in critically addressing this conflict of gender, and i would strongly recommend it if you’re hoping to cover this theme
1. 2. (this one covers the coming of age process in r&j, but i think it’s useful to tie this in with the development of masculine ideals and expectations)
love & death, thus with a kiss i die
one cannot write about one without writing about the other when covering romeo & juliet, i think 
along with fate and society, love and death are pinpointed as key themes in the prologue, setting the audience up to tie the two ideas together
the paradoxical notion of love in death fuels these characters motives, and could potentially link to a religious theme if you wanted to take that angle (as a protip if you wanna study english or history just learn as much as you can about religion and it’ll cover you for 90% of your essays)
this article extensively covers the times in which death is mentioned in the context of love, or vice versa. it’s interesting if a bit oddly formatted 
this article talks about the context of joint burial, a physical manifestation of these tied themes, in a sense
chapter 21 on shakespeare’s early tragedies in this book is useful, and there’s a whole subsection for romeo and juliet that’s a handy read
fate, i fear... some consequence yet hanging in the stars
the elizabethan world view was shaped by a common belief in fortune, fate and the power of the stars, astrology being considered a science amongst the nobility at the time
bertrand evans noted that in r&j ‘fate is the controlling practiser, and the entire action of the play represents her at work’ in shakespeare’s tragic practice, essentially arguing that every choice made by the plays characters is just chipping away their path to their predestined ends
this article is generally great, and the third angle focuses on r&j as a tragedy of fortune. i’d recommend reading the whole thing but i’ve linked straight to the third point so that it’s focused on the theme of fate and fortune. 
i would also recommend this book, you can search for specific references to romeo and juliet, but there’s some good stuff about fate and predestination around p.55 and for the next 20 or so pages i think? i didn’t count oops
form
all of shakespeare’s plays are written in iambic pentameter. an iamb is a foot that consists of one unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable. pent means 5, so there’s 5 iambs in each line
as is pretty typical for shakespeare, he uses blank verse to indicate that a person of a lower social class is speaking, or to show informality. for instance, the nurse speaks in blank verse, and mercutio does when in the informal setting of hanging around with his friends. stricter rhyme tends to come into play with characters of a higher social standing, like capulet
the play is an early example of shakespearean tragic structure. this generally fits within the 5 act structure that’s been a playwrights favourite since horace built on aristotle’s 3 segment structure. 
this is an interesting article that i’d recommend if you were hoping to look at tragic form in romeo and juliet 
more on tragic form: 1. 2. 3. 4.
language
i’m not gonna go through quotes or sections one by one here because that basically makes the process of doing your own essay redundant, but i am gonna give some tips on analysing language
the first time you read the play, enjoy it, don’t overthink it. the second time you read it pick out the sections or the lines you think are most pertinent to what you want to write about. if you have 9 books to read this week and don’t have time for this i feel you man i really do, you can just pick key phrases the first time but it kinda fucks with the flow of your understanding if you get me
worst case scenario, sparknotes will have key quotes. i only started using them when i was half way through uni because i thought i was too good to rely on sparknotes. no one is too good for sparknotes trust
anyway, compile your chosen segments according to theme and then start working out how you’ll shape your paragraph on that theme. carefully select which quotes you’ll use to back up your points, as textual evidence is crucial to building your case
close analysis of language is kind of something you need to improvise, i find. i generally don’t think there’s actually anything there and then just make something up. e.g. ‘my bounty is as boundless as the sea,/ my love as deep; the more i give to thee/ the more i have, for both are infinite’ 
so ignoring whatever else and focusing purely on language, i’d highly here rhythm and rhyme, and the obvious effort that romeo is making to use poetic language. the alliterative ‘b’ and the ‘ea, ‘ee’, ‘ee’ sounds both create a bounding rhythm reminiscent of that of juliet i mentioned earlier, building on both the sexual energy with the whole heartbeat feel and the anticipation and excitement, cos you can’t deny that boys rhythm sounds eager. ‘more’, ‘more’ again reiterates this point. ‘my’ ‘my’ ‘both’ i would say signifies romeo transitioning from being an individual to being a pair cos joining with juliet in marriage and physically etc. etc. you can just chat any old shit you fancy as long as there’s some plausible way to link it to the text
long story short, success in english is as limited as your own creativity. which isn’t limited, go crazy with it, trust yourself and your argument skills
this is such an unhelpful section i’m sorry i don’t even have any good secondary sources other than the general companions which i will now do
general reading
these are some books i would recommend you read that don’t very precisely pertain to the stuff i’ve already said. remember, though, that it’s super important to read as much of the secondary material as possible, and to grow your own opinions alongside everything that you’ve learnt reading other ideas. they aren’t designed to tell you what to think about the play/book/poem/whatever, but rather to expand your understanding of it
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.
i really hope this has helped any of you, and please feel free to ask me any questions about romeo and juliet or anything else english related that you’re struggling with! best of luck, and remember to enjoy it as much as you can!
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