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#ace discourse
fite-club · 2 days
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“if ive done something offensive point it out and ill apologize” and then its pointed out and you decide to mock the community instead.
because it’s not offensive to say that asexuals don’t want/like to have sex. in fact i believe it is offensive to insist that they can. i’m mocking the community where it deserves to be mocked, i.e, becoming so obsessed with inclusivity and anti-gatekeeping that these labels become meaningless and no one knows what “attraction” is.
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imspaceingout · 2 years
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Saw this on r/LGBT and figured my aspec followers would enjoy.
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I don't think younger/newer users fully grasp the shit show that ace discourse was around 2014-17
It was so hostile that, to this day, discussions that begin to derail just enough can make me physically nauseous, some specific mockery trigger crying sessions years later. We lost most accounts with any sort of ace positivity. There was no information, no support, and all this damage was done predominantly by other queer people.
All this to say that you, however you identify yourself, should be engaging with aphobic comments the same way you do any hate. We don't sugarcoat or try to be comprehensive with people who are blatantly racist, homophobic or terfs, so why give it a pass just because it's coming from a queer person? I see how this tolerance goes and it's done enough damage as it is.
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knifearo · 3 months
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"asexual discourse" is so funny cause dude that's not discourse and it's never been discourse. it's not an argument and it's not a conversation bitches are just yelling at us unprompted and then making up people to get mad at 😭
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chisecco · 2 months
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tbh i miss when ace discourse didnt exist and being lgbt or queer wasnt a competition on how oppressed and miserable you could be in the eyes of internet strangers
like when you could just say "i am not cis and/or straight therefore i am one of you" and people would receive you with open arms instead of saying that your identity that goes beyond the acronym is invalid and harassing you with death threats and sending you gore and snuff just because you dont exactly fit under The Big Four Letters
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icarusxxrising · 7 months
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If you were someone who was anti-Ace during Ace Discourse and anti-Neopronouns/Xenogenders during Neo/Xeno Discourse and anti-Nonbinary during Nonbinary Discourse, but you've now accepted those things, except now you're Anti-Bi Lesbian, then you never learned why what you were doing was wrong and simply followed the crowd.
You still have internalized phobias that you never addressed, you still have issues regarding controlling other people's queer experiences, and until you actually and genuinely sit back and realize WHY being Anti-Ace, Anti-Neos/Xenos, Anti-Nonbinary etc. Was wrong, you are always going to be the bigot in the community. Learn self introspection, learn why you continued to be against queer identities you didn't understand, or you will always find yourself on the wrong side of the goalpost, and you will never grow.
Take a second to think about an argumentative sentence you've used and replace "bi lesbian" with any other queer identity you used to hate and you'll realize that at the root of it all, it's the same queerphobia but with a new subject to target.
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Ive seen an influx in posts asking the LGBT community to hold itself accountable for ace/aro bigotry and they're fucking right.
How are we supposed to hold homophobes and transphobes accountable and demand they do better when we won't even do that for each other?
We're a community right? A family who's supposed to look out for each other? What happened to everyone being valid? Is a sibling saying "you hurt me, please correct it somehow" not valid?
For my part I'll admit I was part of this.
I was on the side of the asexual exclus back in the late 00's/early 10's. I was deep in the belief that oppression had to be systematic in order to count and at the time I didn't see any systematic oppression faced by aces. I even identified as ace and I didn't consider myself oppressed for being asexual. I saw the hostility and vitriol directed at aces everyday...but I didn't see it as wrong. I didn't see it as bigotry. I saw it as righteous anger.
I know how awful things were because I was one of the people making them that way. There is Real trauma that was experienced. There's no fucking way that a normal person could be invalidated that much and take the vitriolic bigotry aces/aros did everyday and have it not leave a lasting impact.
I fucked up. That was wrong and awful of me and I'm genuinely so fucking sorry.
I see the broken trust and promises between us now in 2023 and I see how shattered the community is and it's partly my fault. That gap is there because of me and people like me.
We should have loved and supported and welcomed you. We should have saw the way you were being treated and said something. You deserved to be protected and loved and supported from people who treated you that way.
And you weren't. We didn't. And it was normalized.
We absolutely fucking failed you as a community and as human beings. I need to own that. And I need to be one of the first people to trying to repair that.
And I know an apology is barely even a first step and I know it's just a drop in a giant bucket but I am sorry. For everything it's worth to you, I'm sorry.
Because of me and people like me you experienced the kind of identity trauma that typically only homophobes are capable of. And you experienced it at the hands of the community that's supposed to be fighting specifically that sort of ignorance against a-typical sexualities.
We fucked up
And it'd just be hypocritical salt in the wound if 10+ years later we ignored your asks for accountability and didn't do anything about it when it's resurfacing.
So yeah.
I was a bigot. I hurt people. I hurt my own community. I thought I was right and I wasn't. I was wrong. And so is everyone who insists on continuing that today.
There is no excuse or justification for it. I thought there was too but I was wrong and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making up for it.
Whatever justification you find for treating people with a-typical sexualities and genders is shit. It has no leg to stand on and it sure as hell isn't being done for the sake of the community.
The LGBT community was founded not by people with checklists on how to be a Good Gay or Acceptable trans woman but by people being treated like shit for who they were choosing to love or not love. It was founded by people who's gender didn't fit in cishet boxes. It was founded by people who just wanted to be free to exist as themselves.
You can't treat asexuals or aros or bisexuals or pansexuals like shit and say that it's in the name of the LGBT community.
It's not.
It spits in the face of everything our community is supposed to be and it's time someone besides aces and aros said it.
None of us should be okay with how they're treated and all of us should be part of stopping it
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a-frog-in-a-bog · 11 months
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I keep seeing posts about how damaging ace discourse was to aces and while I’m glad we’re talking about tumblr’s bullying problem I think some of you have selective amnesia bc the war was DEFINITELY being fought from both sides. For every post calling asexuals cringe or lonely turbo virgins there was at least one reply or comment or post saying shit like “ok have fun dying of aids” or “I’m a bi ace which is exactly the same as being bisexual except I’m not a slut” or “ace culture is not having to worry about spreading STDs”.
Nearly every post made by a trans woman discussing transphobia was derailed by someone making it about asexuality instead (unfortunately this is still common on tumblr) and posts about gay sex or attraction were flooded with comments about those nasty dirty allos. Lesbians who expressed frustration about not being able to talk about their sexual attraction to women without aces “fixing” their posts to make them pure and wholesome were characterized as mean dykes and aphobic. And the shit that people posted after the pulse shooting was thinly veiled homophobia— do you know how many posts I saw that were along the lines of “well maybe if you gays were nicer to aces we’d donate blood” or “ace culture is hearing about the pulse shooting and wondering who would want to go dancing at a sweaty club when you could be home reading”.
And idk if people realize this but kink at pride discourse was born from ace discourse. The sheer amount of posts that were like “stop sucking face at pride I’m ace and it grosses me out get a room” or “pride is supposed to be a safe space for aces too nobody cares that you like to get tied up and fucked in the ass” or “as an aroace it makes me uncomfortable to see people wear nothing but leather harnesses stop making pride sexual”.
We absolutely should be calling out the people who posted graphic porn in the ace tag or harassed aces by calling them broken and unloveable bc that’s fucking horrendous and unacceptable but don’t act like every asexual on tumblr was an innocent smol bean posting garlic bread memes and minding their business bc the shit thrown at lgbt people in the name of ace discourse was awful and damaging to see, especially as a teen coming to terms with my sexuality
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arodabi · 4 months
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Ppl will reminisce about being an ace exclusionist like it was a cringe fnaf phase and not the distraction of a minority community
And i think those people should have a wasp nest launched at them
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imsoglitter · 3 months
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Apparently there's people trying to justify the (ongoing) exclusion era of this website by saying that the ace community is the source of no kink at pride discourse. Now I realize that my experiences aren't necessarily universal, but given that every acespec person I've met irl is super into kink, and most of the ones I've encountered online are as well, I think that perhaps they are just making up bullshit again
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vulpinesaint · 7 months
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the hate on demisexuality specifically when ace exclusion was all the rage is still so funny to me. bitches going "some teenager on the internet made up that term for a character and then decided to use it herself!!!!" as if that was. a rebuttal? like wowwwww a teenager projected an experience onto a character of theirs. that's never happened before. that's so crazy someone made up a word to describe their experience??? yeah dude you should definitely go bully teenagers on the internet about it that seems like the reasonable thing to do. can't let those teens. uh. [ checks notes ] come to a realization about their sexuality and then talk about it
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hiriamcdaniels · 8 months
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Don't make me tap the sign
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xx-slug-xx · 25 days
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“Your fantasies equal your real life desires”
I’m fucking asexual? I have no desire to do anything I fantasize about irl. Same with a shit ton of other people who are aspec?
Tbh, I think it’s just queerphobic, specifically aphobic but other shit too, to say “your fantasies are what you want irl.
It’s not just aspecs either. I know a fuck ton of lesbians who fantasize about fictional men. They are not any less lesbians because of their fantasies though.
I could go on with more about how it’s a stupid argument, and even how it’s ableist in certain contexts, but I’ll save that for other posts lmao
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melody-tcg · 2 months
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I've noticed a trend in ace related posts where everything needs to be an educational post about every possible experience but I think what we need to realize is people are posting from their individual experiences and thus won't likely fall under every category
I think we have a very hard time finding representation so we try to make any representation a catch all but that isn't always the answer and feels like punishing people for their experiences not checking every micro label box.
This isn't the most coherent post but I just wanted to possibly start this discussion
Like replying to a sex repulsed alloromantic ace's post about their own experience with "well actually some aces do have sex" or "some aces are aro too" doesn't accomplish anything but put down a person for their experience not being all encompassing. Rather than that maybe focus on creating posts or pushing for representation in media of the different experiences.
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lilacbestpurple · 1 year
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“You should let kids/teenagers know that sexual attraction may happen later” and “You should let kids/teenagers know that lack of sexual attraction isn’t inherently unhealthy, abnormal or uncommon” co-exist, btw.
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frazelforever · 2 years
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Y’all. It’s 2022. I don’t need ace and aro discourse on my dash. Asexual can be used as an umbrella term for those on the spectrum. Same goes for aromantic. If you are questioning, identify as such if you want! Oh you’re demi? Of course you can use the flag! You’re some other label? Yeah, I’d love for you to use our flag! Don’t gatekeep our own community. Aromantic/asexual can define anyone who doesn’t experience romance/sex the same way allos do.
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