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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 1 month

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The Lonely Souls Club 6

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as stalking, loneliness, noncon, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Two lost souls cross, but not all those are lost, want to be found.

Characters: Bucky Barnes

Note: we're almost through the week.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Bucky

Bucky can smell her body soap as it wafts off her. Everything about her makes him giddy. Just walking beside her, getting to look at her, getting to talk to her!

And now, he’s taking her out to lunch. Almost like a real date.

He’s antsy to get to the restaurant. He tried to measure his patience as best he could as he fixed the lock. While she showered and dressed in the small bathroom, he paced her apartment, taking the chance to adjust a few of the cameras. Better, he can see the door.

He is mindful not to walk too fast for her. She seems to be moving a little better. If it’s the short nap she took or the shower, he’s not sure, but he’s happy for it.

She’s shy. He knows she’s often alone and keeps to herself but she sends him sheepish glances only to quickly look away each time their eyes meet. Her heart continues to race just as it did when she awoke to the intruder.

He steps ahead of her and opens the door of the noodle shop. She looks up and her eyes scan the sign then the windows. She lifts her cane in ahead of her as she steps through, “this place is good.”

He smiles. He hasn’t been back since the first time he saw her. Now he’s with her and he can hardly believe it. He follows her in as Mrs. Zhao greets them. She shows her surprise with a clap and a squeal.

“You brought a friend,” she muses.

“Uh, yeah,” he answers as the woman leans on her cane, stuck in limbo between them.

“Let me get you seated,” Zhao speaks to her and ushers her along as Bucky trails behind. They sit in a booth as menus await them and Mrs. Zhao bows before she leaves them.

She, his companion, his date, nestles her cane against the wall of the booth and her eyes flit around. She peeks at the menu then at him. She folds her hands in her lap, making no move to peruse the options further.

“You come here a lot? She knows you?” She glances towards the kitchen.

“Ah, yeah,” he answers with a nervous chuckle, “I don’t always have the energy to cook so…”

She nods and shifts on the seat. He sees how her cheek ticks and she grips the edge of the table to adjust her posture. He flutters his fingers over the laminated menu.

“Is it okay? Are you uncomfortable?” He leans forward.

“Fine,” she ekes out and brings her fingertips to the edge of the menu.

“Right, um, well, if you want a little padding you could sit on my jacket,” he offers.

Her lips curve softly and her brows raise, “that’s really nice but I’m okay.”

She looks down again at the menu. He sees how she chews her lip and slants her mouth. He knows exactly what she’s looking at. Not the dishes but the prices. It's a habit. He’s been there too. Pinching every penny, darning every sock and sleeve until it’s too frayed to mend, stretching broth with water, and washing with no soap. His bad days are over and he wants to help end hers too.

“How about we do the meal for two special,” he offers as he sees her fixate on the sides section. Three spring rolls isn’t going to stop the growling in her stomach that awoke the minute they stepped inside. “It’s a good deal. You can pick the type of noodle.”

“Oh, uh,” she taps her fingers, “I guess… if it makes sense.”

“Yeah, I don’t mind,” he insists. He knows the portions are generous. They’ll get enough for her to take a box home, especially with the rolls and salad on the side. “Do you like Udon or chow mein?”

“I like both,” she says, “udon, maybe, if you like it.”

“Sounds good to me. Broth? I don’t really like the beef, it hurts my stomach.”

“Pork’s good,” she suggests, “if you want.”

“Sure,” he agrees, heartened that she didn’t push back on his idea. She needs a good meal, not half a cup of oatmeal with six raisins on top.

“Tea,” Mrs. Zhao interrupts, a tray in her hand. She sets it down, presenting a big slate gray pot and matching cups.

“Thanks,” he says as she echoes him in a small voice. He gives their order and Mrs. Zhao leaves them with a rosy smile, a definitive look sent from one to the other.

He pours tea into the cups and sets one in front of her. She looks at the contents then him. She thanks him and leans in to inhale the scent. Her stomach rumbles viciously and she winces.

“So, how long have you been in the city?” He asks, turning his own cup nervously.

“Um, since high school,” she answers, “so… a while. What about you?”

“Born and raised,” he says proudly. “Always happen to come back.”

She nods and blows across the tea but doesn’t drink as the steam puffs hotly. Her eyes flit over and her stomach grumbles again. She watches another table as they clink cutlery on their dishes. She’s fighting it but she’s starving.

“Uh, wow, didn’t even realise I’m so hungry,” he says, “I don’t even think I had dinner last night.”

“Yeah,” she murmurs and turns her eyes to the table, “and you didn’t get much sleep. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. I’m a bit of an insomniac. Got a bit restless last night and good thing I did or I wouldn’t have been able to scare that guy off, huh,” he stills the cup and flicks his thumb around the curve of the rim.

“I guess,” she puts her hands to her neck and shivers, “that was really scary.”

“Well it’s a good thing I deal with scary people all the time,” he says, “lot of people say the same about me so I guess that helps.”

“Oh,” she bats her lashes and her eyes meet his, “I didn’t mean–”

“I know, I’m joking,” he assures her. She’s so jumpy, he wonders if that has anything to do with her limp. If maybe she’s afraid of everyone and everything for a reason. Well, she won’t have to be, not with him.

“Ah,” she forces a smile, “right.”

“Hey, you held your own,” he sits up straighter, “you swing that cane like a champ.”

“Yeah, ha,” she laughs, just a small one as he reaches for the tea cup again, “I… I hit that guy.”

He chuckles too, “you did. Honestly, I think after that, there’s no way he’ll be back.”

Her

You try to eat slowly and it doesn’t take much before you’re painfully full. You put the chopsticks down and take a napkin to wipe your mouth. Bucky smiles at you, a noodle hanging from his lips as he slurps it up.

“Sorry,” he covers his mouth, “caught me at a bad moment.”

“It’s good, I… I’m full,” you look at the noodles still left in your bowl.

“Oh, no worries, we’ll just ask for a container,” he says, “be good to have some leftovers in the fridge… just in case.”

“Uh, yeah,” you agree. You wonder if maybe he saw inside your empty fridge or he just means well.

“I’m getting there myself,” he stirs his bowl with his chopsticks.

She nods and he raises his hand as he sees Mrs. Zhao, the namesake for the restaurant, “excuse me, hi, sorry, whenever you have a chance.”

She acquiesces and rushes off. He sits back and smacks his stomach, “mm, did you like it?”

“Yeah, it’s very good,” you agree.

Mrs. Zhao returns and offers the bill to Bucky. You look away, embarrassed.

“I forgot to mention, can you add a box of tea,” he hands it back.

She agrees and whisks off again. You sit in silence, awkwardly searching the restaurant. You would offer to pay for your own but you can’t. You’re dirt poor. You can’t help but think he knows it too. No one is that nice. It only takes one look around your place to see it.

Zhao returns once more, sets a box of tea before him and some containers, then the bill. He pays in cash and tells her to keep the change. She chimes thankfully and wishes you both a good day. You pour your noodles into the container and seal the lid. Bucky does the same.

You grab your cane and turn on the bench, dragging yourself across to plant it on the floor. You brace the table and stand as he does so much easier than you. He takes his container and yours, stacking them atop each other, then the tea on the very top.

“Oh, thanks,” you utter as you get your feet set.

“No problem,” he grins.

He waits for you to go first. You make a slow, uneven advance to the door. You keep your eyes straight as you refuse to notice the glances sent in your direction. The lucky cat by the door waves in farewell as you approach.

Bucky reaches past you and opens the door before you can. You limp out into the street. Your hip burns from the thin cushion of the booth bench.

“That was nice,” he says as he walks beside you, again patiently keeping pace with you.

“It was,” you agree, “it’s really kind of you.”

“You act like having lunch with a pretty girl is a chore,” he jokes.

You scoff, “please.”

“Please what,” he tilts his head.

Your chest pinches and your face heats up, “you’re just being nice.”

“No,” he argues, “I don’t lie.”

A sudden flash glares to your left and your toe catches in the sidewalk. You stagger and land on one knee, the pavement dinging the bony cap harshly as you catch yourself with a hand. Your cane clatters beside you as you look around in confusion.

“Hey, what the hell?” Bucky barks, his voice deeper and scarier than before. “Don’t do that.”

You glance over at a man with a large camera. He blanches from behind the lens but takes another photo. Bucky shifts as if he might lunge at the photographer and he runs off.

Bucky sighs and reaches to grab your arm, gentle but firm.

“Hey, you alright?” He asks in concern, his other arm hugging the containers.

“Yeah, I didn’t see him. I’m sorry, I must’ve stepped on a crack–”

“That jack– guy should be apologising,” he sneers, “so rude.”

“Yeah, I…” you hiss as you grab your cane. He holds onto you, helping you rise, but not too quickly, “I… why would he…” you peer over your shoulder then back to him, “are you famous?”

He huffs and shrugs, “I guess to some people.”

You furrow your brow and let your shoulders sink, “oh.”

“I don’t really think about it, you know? I got a job and I do it. All the attention, I hate it,” his hand slips down your arm and reluctantly falls away. You swallow and turn back down the sidewalk. He walks with you, quiet for a moment before he speaks again, “does that mean you don’t wanna be friends?”

You think as your cane taps between your footsteps, “I didn’t… No, I just…” you take a breath, “I’ve never known anyone famous.”

“It’s not all it’s cracked up to be,” he sighs.

“Yeah, seems like.”

#bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #the lonely souls club #series #falcon and the winter soldier #avengers #mcu #marvel #captain america

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leejungchans · 2 years

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i like you : l.c

༉‧₊˚✧ for my 1k event !

requested by @joshuas : also! chan (svt) with a female reader and university au <3

a/n: hi ms shuawife <33 ty for requesting and also ty for the idea 😭😭 i owe u for all my chabbles (chan drabbles) ideas 💗

word count | 1.1k

pairing | lee chan (svt) x female reader

genre | fluff, university au

warning(s) / includes | food mentions (please lmk if i missed anything!)

“People are staring,” you comment lightly when a group of high school kids walk past your table and spare you and your date a peculiar glance. Chan looks up from his noodles as the teens head further down the street, their silhouettes merging together in the darkness, only illuminated by the occasional street lamp or neon sign.

He turns back to you and shrugs, a small smile playing on his lips when he says, “Maybe they’re just jealous I have a beautiful date.”

“Stop it,” your cheeks grow warm, “I’m not.”

“You are, though,” Chan insists. “You look…” he gestures to your outfit, a satiny dress that your roommate lent you because all your other options suddenly seemed horrific as you were getting ready, “beautiful. Not that you don’t already, obviously, you still look pretty in your normal clothes—not that this dress can’t be ‘normal clothes’—oh God, what am I saying?”

“Chan,” you interrupt gently with a smile, putting a pause to his panicked rambling, “I get what you mean. Thank you. You look really great too.” You mean it. Butterflies have been fluttering wildly in your stomach ever since he picked you up in a crisp white shirt and black slacks, sleeves rolled up and top few buttons of his shirt undone.

The rosy flush on his cheeks spreads to the tips of his ears as he returns the smile, and your heart can’t help but thrum loudly against your ribcage at how radiant he looks when he smiles, the little scrunch of his nose, the twinkle in his eyes as he shyly runs a hand through his hair... You think you could sit here all night just admiring him. In a non-creepy way.

Chan’s next words come out much quieter as he looks down at his bowl of half-finished instant ramen. “I’m really sorry our date didn’t turn out as planned.”

“A little improvisation isn’t always bad,” you say lightly, feeling a twinge in your heart at how guilty he sounded. “Plus, I like it here, genuinely.”

Truth is, neither of you quite knew what to do for your first date. You just knew you liked the bumbling boy who sat next to you in your Modern History lecture, who asked to borrow a pen each time because he always forgot, who slid you candies whenever he noticed you were seconds from dozing off. You had a spring in your step for a week after he asked you to be his partner for your final project, but nothing could’ve ever prepared you for being asked out by him.

Ultimately, he took his older friends’ advice and suggested going out for dinner at a nice place. Traditional, classic, can’t go wrong, that’s what they told him.

It’s not that something went wrong. The dressing up part was fun, but it’s when you got to the restaurant that things started feeling off. Chan was a gentleman as always, yet he felt more like a stranger on your date than when you were in your class of over a hundred people, and you knew he was freaking out over the same thing no matter how hard he tried not to show it.

So while his older friends may not agree with your decision of leaving early for instant ramen and convenience store snacks, neither of you can really bring yourself to care. The air feels so much lighter here—no judgy servers and patrons casting looks at the two awkward, out-of-place university students, and certainly no overpriced meals that really just consisted of three bites of food. (How was either of you supposed to be full from that?)

Who cares if 7-11’s plastic outdoor chairs are creaky, or if your ramen is starting to get soggy, or if your soda is losing its fizz quicker than Vernon can give up on studying for his Economics exam? You’re happy.

“You like it here?” Chan echoes in utter disbelief. “B-But this place hardly screams first date.”

“Any place can be a first-date place depending on who you’re with, though. And how much you like them.”

You don’t think you’re helping much judging by the pout that seems to have settled on his face permanently. Is it too early to think about kissing him?

“I guess…” he murmurs, “it’s just that I think… you deserve a lot better than a 7-11.”

“Honestly, I’d rather eat with you behind a dumpster than at a place where we couldn’t be ourselves.” He cocks an eyebrow at you, and you falter slightly. “Well—maybe not a dumpster, but you know what I mean.”

Chan nods timidly, still unsure.

“My point is, I don’t like you any less just because we’re at a 7-11 and not some fancy place.” He can’t help but give his full attention to you—not that he doesn’t already—as your eyes glow with fiery determination. “You can take me here again for our second date, and our third, and our fourth, and I still wouldn’t care because I like you.”

Oh, how embarrassing, you were definitely being a little too intense just now. You reckon the burning sensation that erupts across your face is what molten lava would feel like if it ever came in contact with your skin. The stunned look on Chan’s face worries you. You’ve never had an outburst quite like this one in front of him, what if this scares him off?

The fierce glint in your eyes mellows back into something more neutral as you smile sheepishly. “Sorry, I came off a bit strong, didn’t I?”

Fervently, Chan shakes his head. “No—well, maybe a little, but I appreciate it!” he adds hastily upon seeing how your face fell slightly. There’s a strong urge to reassure you that he found your mini spiel more touching than anything else, that he feels comforted knowing now you didn’t find tonight a complete bust.

“Thank you, you have no idea how relieved I am to hear that because I really like you too,” you try not to smile too widely at how cute he looks with his bright pink ears, “and I’d love to take you on as many dates as you want.”

You beam sweetly, and it causes your cheeks to puff up and your twinkling eyes to curve into crescents. You’re so pretty it makes his pulse spiral out of control, soon enough he’ll feel his heartbeat all the way down to his toes. How is it only your first date and yet he’s already completely wrapped around your finger?

Chan thinks he’ll fall out of his chair when you reach across the small table to lay a gentle hand on his. Despite this, he secretly hopes you don’t let go. Your skin feels soft, if he had a little more courage he’d flip his hand around so he can intertwine your fingers.

Your eyes shyly flicker up to hold his gaze; maybe it’s just because he’s horrendously down bad, but he sees the entire universe in them.

“I’ll look forward to every single one, then.”

a/n: shy dorky uni bf chan 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

if you enjoyed my writing, please take a little time to reblog and give feedback to support it <3 interact with content creators please !

#ficscafe #caratwritersclub #kdiarynet #sol.writings #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #seventeen fluff #svt fluff #dino x reader #chan x reader #lee chan x reader #dino fluff #lee chan fluff #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #dino imagines #lee chan imagines

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sulumuns-dootah · 5 months

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2.12. Bael - Favorite memory candle

༺☆༻

⟡ Masterlist ⟡

₊˚⊹.* The Yule festival of Hell *.⊹˚₊

༺☆༻

The mall was playing holiday music and many demons tried to find gifts for their families and friends, some of them even for humans who they held contracts with. You and Bael were on the same mission. The newly opened candle shop advertised itself as having the most fragrance options. Every possible and impossible smelling candles were supposed to be available for purchase here.

Few days after its opening Bael approached with you with a proposal. The two of you would go into the store and buy each other a candle which reminds you of your favorite memory with the other. The idea excited you for two things: Bael adamantly refused to receive any gift from you so this wouldn't make you feel bad for getting something for everyone but him; and getting to remind yourself of all the things you've experience together.

And now you were here, standing in front of the store. You didn't enter yet because Bael had to take a call from Beelzebub, going over the plans for holiday celebrations. The little time before you got into searching for the perfect candle was actually helpful. There were many memories, that you'd love to have a reminder of in the shape of a candle.

Finally finishing his call, Bael leads you into the store. The shelves are fully stocked with amount of candles, that you can't believe is possible to fit into such small space. It smells nice inside. Like a warm apple and cinnamon pie. Entering further, the smell turns into a gingerbread with sweetness to it, like the smell itself was covered in icing.

Bael leans down to kiss your cheek, “Let's meet at the cash registers in fifteen minutes. If you need more time, just message me.”

“Okay. Good luck searching.” you wish him and the two of you part your ways between the isles.

The store is divided into sections. There are no signs dividing them, but they all do have a different smells to them. It truly seems like they have every possible scent.Walking towards the other side of store than Bael, you even pass by a display claiming to contain body scents of all the kings of hell. The designs on the candles themselves seem to be designed in their style.

As the radio in the store starts playing a song strangely reminiscent of 'All I want for Christmas is you', you find yourself in a section, which you guess is filled with vacation resorts. The area feels as if you're somewhere in public transport and you swear you can even pick up the smell of someone who needs to take a shower.

Continuing along you go through sections which you guess are times of year, holiday specials and weather. Finally you come across a candle which smells like a spring garden at night, reminding you of that one time when Abyssos was once again the victim of Naberius' anger and while the buildings were repaired, you've been living in Hades in Leviathan's castle. Bael came to visit you and the two of you then spent the night in the gardens.

Exiting the isle, you catch a glimpse of Bael as he's talking to one of the assistants. Turning into another isle, you're greeted by the smell of vanilla and cinnamon.

Despite being on a mission for a memory candle, you can't stop yourself from also grabbing few of your favorite scents. You're sure Bael won't mind.

The next section over is a food isle. You quickly look over the names, when one of them catches your eye: Ball at the palace of Envy. 'That's a very specific fragrance' you think to yourself. But then again, it is their advertisement. You smell it and you heart starts beating faster. It smells exactly like your first official date with Bael.

It was Leviathan's birthday and so his servants threw a formal ball for him. All of the kings were invited, including Beelzebub but he, of course, was wandering off somewhere again. Bael, being the replacement king, ended up being invited instead. The invitation came with a +1 so he immediately asked you. Normally he would turn himself into Beel, but because of you, he stayed as himself. You'd then spent the whole night enjoying yourself and the company of your demon partner.

This candle had to go home with you. Looking around yourself, as if someone would try to take it away from you, you walk towards the cash registers. Bael is already there and his choice of candle is already neatly packed away in the brand's paper bag.

“Are all those memories, my queen?” he asks, motioning to the multiple candles in your hands.

“Only one, but the rest smelled so good.” you explain with puppy eyes.

Bael only smirks and pays for all your findings.

Back at your home, you're sitting in your living room and waiting for Bael to finish yet another call with one of the demons of Avisos to make sure everything is arranged properly.

“I do have a confession to make, my queen.” he opens when he's finally sitting on the floor opposite of you.

“Oh?”

“I've bought two candles. One of our memory and one I was hoping we could make our new memory of our first Christmas together.”

“Oh, that sounds amazing! Yes, we'll do that!” you can't contain your happiness.

“I'm glad you like my idea.” he smiles and continues, ”So this is the candle that made me think of you...”

༺☆༻

But wait, this demon also has a gift for you!

"Being the replacement king, I suppose you should be also given a crown. One to not outshine the real king's potential partner though, of course."

#what in hell is bad #what in “hell” is bad?#the yule festival of hell #whb bael

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mysticetus · 1 year

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on the topic of diy hrt as ive seen it going around the dash a few times, i want to offer what i can in terms of help as i got on hrt in secret while still living with my parents. i cant give advice for paths i didnt take (getting the hrt itself online) but i can detail the process i experienced so you know what to expect if you pursue.

i highly recommend seeing if there is a planned parenthood in your area and if it offers gender affirming hormone therapy. i had a couple things that made this an option for me that may be barriers for others - i was over 18, and they do not offer informed consent to minors. i also had a job that allowed me to pay for the visit and the prescription. lastly i forced myself to learn how to drive so i could get to the planned parenthood and the pharmacy.

for cost, i recommend checking beforehand if planned parenthood accepts your insurance. They did not accept mine so i had to pay out of pocket for the appointment. Luckily they have a sliding scale system that charges based on your monthly income. The amount changes (and this may vary by region as well), so you can call them for a cost estimate. As someone going for testosterone, my visits have cost between $39 and $63 out of pocket.

For me getting HRT occurred in 2 phases: A telehealth call where they told me about the effects of HRT and then had me digitally sign an informed consent form. And then an in-person visit to my local PP office to get my blood pressure and hemoglobin (finger prick) checked. I then walked out with a T prescription.

For bloodwork, planned parenthood offers this service as well but it was a “strongly recommended but not required” option for me. I did eventually get my levels tested through PP but it cost me ~$40 because of lack of insurance. i later learned i could get my bloodwork done for free at quest diagnostics, for which PP sent in an order that automatically went into quest’s system and all i had to do was make an appointment online filed under “all other tests” … in my area quest can be found in grocery stores. I recommend looking into quest for bloodwork if your insurance would cover it.

Estrogen and progesterone are not controlled substances (often used in birth control), but testosterone is since it can be abused as a steroid. so if you are pursuing T this may present challenges - in my experience it makes it hard for me to change pharmacies without calling planned parenthood first, and you need to present ID when picking it up.

At first i swore by gel and not injectable because i was afraid of accessing needles, and i used goodrx coupons to get gel at a reasonable price. I do not recommend this as it is not sustainable, goodrx coupons are great but always changing. Unfortunately if you do diy hrt you are probably going to be doing injections. i tried for several months to get gel in a sustainable way but the only way i was able to do this was when i had insurance that would cover it (which i since lost access to).

You can get needles and syringes in bulk (100 for like $10) on amazon. Your prescription will probably include an order of needles and syringes but pharmacies are generally not awesome to get them through, because they tend to cost more and be out of stock…. for subq i use 25g 5/8” needles to INJECT, and 18g 1.5” needles to DRAW. i use 1 ml syringes with a LUER LOCK. make sure the needles and syringes have the same locking mechanism so they can connect to each other. the alternative to a luer lock is a slip tip, which you do not want.

Even though on the bottle it says INTRAMUSCULAR USE ONLY, i and many other trans people do subcutaneous as the needles are smaller and less painful. “subq” injects into the layer of fat beneath the skin and releases the hormones slower over time. I personally inject into my stomach in the area below my belly button - i pinch the fat and inject at a 90° angle. there are detailed videos on how to do a subcutaneous self injection on youtube, and here is planned parenthood's guide.

if you are scared of needles, i am too - i used to black out when i had to get a shot. i can say that subcutaneous rarely hurts and its definitely tolerable to me. i know its freaky to inject into your stomach but the fat layers there make it pretty painless. if you pinch your fat your nerves focus on the pressure your fingers are making, and as long as you hold the needle like a dart and inject quickly you barely notice it.

For questions i recommend looking on reddit. there are many subreddits dedicated to DIY hrt as well as logistical questions in the context of navigating pharmacies and doctors. And, i am always happy to offer what help i can.

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aroacemisha · 2 years

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Why I Dislike Huntl0w (in the show)

[Disclaimer]

This is not an attack on anyone who likes the ship. Someone having a different opinion doesn’t mean they have anything against you personally. Just block/filter the tag “huntl0w negative” if you’d like to avoid seeing me say anything negative about the ship, including this post.

For the record, I’m using a zero instead of the letter “o”, so that my posts don’t show up in the search results for the ship. Also, other people who dislike the ship are free to use the tag, if they want to.

Note: In this post I will only talk about how Hunter and Willow’s relationship is written in the show, and I will do my best to leave aside any personal biases or headcanons I have for these characters. I also won’t talk about fandom issues, like some people not tagging the ship - making it difficult to avoid, or getting upset with others for not shipping it, sometimes due to preferring another ship.

---

I admit that I never liked the ship to begin with, but I would be willing to tolerate it (in the show) if it was better written - and that’s if the ship is what the writers are even going for. Willow has shown zero interest so far. People also seem to forget that not all blushes are romantic, and that Hunter is very new to friendship and genuine affection and could just be flustered.

If the writers are building up to this being either a one-sided crush on Hunter’s end, or him misinterpreting his feelings, what I’m about to say doesn’t apply, and this could end up exploring something interesting, like how to healthily deal with rejection, or how to understand your feelings better. It’s also possible this is just a brief crush that won’t go anywhere and will quickly disappear.

But if this is setting them up to become a couple? This will be the only thing in the show I genuinely dislike. The writing in The Owl House is generally pretty good, so this would be a disappointment.

While yes, it’s likely that the relationship would be set up better if we had a full season 3, the writers knew that the show got cut, and if they don’t have enough time to properly set Hunter and Willow up as a couple, it should’ve been cut altogether. I don’t think one or both of them having romantic feelings for the other is important to the story we ended up with, or even contributes anything interesting to it - again, unless it’s one of the options I mentioned above.

Why Huntl0w Doesn’t Work:

To better explain why Huntl0w doesn’t work (in the show), I will compare it to Lumity and explain why that worked and was much better written.

Luz and Amity met in S1EP3 ‘I Was a Teenage Abomination’, it took a couple episodes for them to begin developing a friendship in S1EP7 ‘Lost In Language’, and they only got together in S2EP8 ‘Knock, Knock, Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door’

Their enemies to friends to lovers journey took 10 episodes (11 if you count the two moments in ‘The First Day’), and they spent a lot of time together on screen - and off screen as well - gradually building their relationship, and they also did it all in person. And they go to the same school, which helps them be around each other more.

In S2EP9 ‘Eclipse Lake’, which is right at the beginning of their romantic relationship, it’s mentioned that Amity tried to get Luz dissected a few months ago, and with other mentions of time passing in the show, we can get a general idea of how long it took for the relationship to develop in terms of time - it seems to be around a couple months.

Only in the next episode after the friendship was first established we got hints of Amity having a crush - and note that the one blush that can be interpreted as romantic happens close to the end, thus they spent more time together before the show began hinting at romance. Her feelings are gradually made more obvious, and eventually Luz begins to show signs of romantic feelings too. It took almost a season from Amity’s first blush to them getting together, and they spent a substantial amount of time developing their relationship.

I’d also like to point out that Luz wasn’t Amity’s first or only friend/healthy emotional connection. She used to be friends with Willow when they were younger - and they start fixing their relationship around the same time she develops romantic feelings for Luz, and she also now has a better relationship with her siblings, who - while still playfully teasing her - are now supportive.

Now, the first time Willow and Hunter met was in S2EP13 ‘Any Sport in a Storm’. From that point on, they have very little interaction on screen. They interact in only 4 episodes.

This is the only full episode they get to develop their dynamic. They did seem to text on Penstagram, but we’re only shown a very brief glimpse of it (and simply sending pics of palismen isn’t enough for a relationship), and they definitely didn’t see each other in person again until S2EP18 ‘Labyrinth Runners’, in which they only interacted briefly. Even in the two final episodes of the season, where they spend more time together, they barely interact.

They’re friends, and they care about each other, sure, but there’s very little to their relationship so far. Hunter has a stronger bond with Gus than her - they spend most of ‘Labyrinth Runners’ bonding, and they directly interact in the finale more as well.

The potential (one-sided) romantic hints are also very easy to miss. For example, the blush on Hunter at the end of ‘Any Sport in a Storm’ is barely even visible (I wouldn’t have noticed it/thought much of it without the fandom losing their minds over it), and the ones in ‘Labyrinth Runners’ didn’t register as anything potentially romantic to me without seeing people claim that it was. The one in ‘King’s Tide’ is the only one I picked up on as possibly being romantic-coded.

The blushes are also all we have. There aren’t any other changes in Hunter’s behavior that are specifically shown around Willow, which was not the case with Amity - her changes in behavior around Luz (like nervousness) were more apparent, and the blushes also became more frequent and noticeable as time went on. Even the way Gus blushed at Bria in S2EP5 ‘Through the Looking Glass Ruins’ was a more obvious crush than whatever Huntl0w has going for it, even if it was brief.

If the only hints at romance between Hunter and Willow are just blink and you’ll miss it blushes from Hunter, while they have barely any interaction on screen, needless to say, it’s not nearly enough buildup for them to become a couple, especially given that Willow hasn’t even shown any interest yet. And no, Willow not hitting him or being first to rush to the airship isn’t romantic, she would have done the same for any of her friends.

We have three 40-minute specials left, which is like 6 normal episodes. While their relationship will definitely be developed further during that time, I don’t think it will be enough to justify them becoming a couple. They’ve known each other for less than one Boiling Isles month (so around one human month), and they barely interacted during that time.

While it may seem like Huntl0w is taking only slightly less time than Lumity from the time they met to the potential beginning of a romantic relationship, it’s actually much less, once you look at how many episodes they interact in, and how much time they spend together on and off screen developing their relationship. And again, all the romantic hints so far are very easy to miss.

It’s also worth mentioning that Willow and Gus are Hunter’s first ever friends in his entire life, and his first healthy emotional connection (aside from Flapjack)

Hunter barely knows what a healthy friendship looks like, and to immediately turn one of his two friendships into a romance, when they barely even know each other? Why? Neither of these characters needed a romance arc - and, frankly, would do better without one - and yet it’s being shoved in, despite having very little ground to stand on and being completely unnecessary. (Also, neither character has shown any interest in romance prior to this)

Their relationship is rushed, poorly built up, and only works if you assume that desiring a romantic relationship is the default and something everyone should want and prefer over other types of relationships and should get into as soon as possible (aka amatonormativity), because any serious romantic feelings here have no basis. Again, they barely know each other, and have spent very little time together on and off screen.

The dynamic will be better off if it continues to develop as a friendship.

Other Issues:

Now, this was a singular instance, and it might remain so, but I still want to mention it:

Although everyone here is in danger, Hunter chooses to save Willow. You’d think Gus would make more sense, given that he’s an illusionist and also the youngest and smallest in the group (and the fist of Kiki’s Abomaton also hits exactly where he was standing a second ago), and yet, Hunter goes for Willow, who he knows is arguably the most powerful in the group, being both physically strong and a powerful plant witch, and the most likely to make it out fine. Despite all that, he literally carries her away.

This could just be a one-off instance, but it could also become a pattern, in which case, it’s the same problem as in ‘Labyrinth Runners’, with someone being overprotective of Willow and thinking she needs it, except this time instead of Amity it’s Hunter, and the reason is poorly written romance. It rubs me the wrong way that we now have another character being needlessly overprotective of her, especially this soon after the episode that addressed this exact problem.

Hunter is acting like Willow needs his protection when she doesn’t, and he’s prioritizing her over his other friends, who are at higher risk at that moment, for no other reason than his crush, which isn’t great either.

If the writers had to do the same thing that was shown as an issue in an earlier episode just to show how much Hunter ~loves~ Willow, it once again demonstrates how poorly this relationship is written. Willow’s wishes and her development shouldn’t be ignored or undercut in favor of romance.

[Edit: This came up twice in the replies, so I’d like to clarify that while the reason Hunter didn’t save Gus instead is likely so that he didn’t break the illusion or notice the spell circles too soon, this could’ve been achieved with everyone simply dodging in different directions. Hunter saving Willow wasn’t necessary, but the writers still made that choice]

I also think it’s a bad decision on the writers’ part to have a group of five that consists of two couples and one (not aroace) guy who’s single. While I’m not saying the others would “abandon” Gus if they all had partners, it’s still weird, and it kinda singles him out - pun not intended.

This is like what Winx had - where every main girl got a boyfriend, but in some way kinda worse, because here the romance is within the friend group and might overshadow the friendship, rather than simply existing alongside it, like it would if we only had one couple (Lumity) and the other three were all either single or dating someone from outside the group.

Given how romantic relationships in media and society as a whole get treated as superior to friendship - sometimes leagues above it - and also as a universal desire everyone has/should have (aka amatonormativity), this would be a problem, because whether intentionally or not, it could reinforce the idea that romance is necessary and/or inevitable (at least after a certain age, which is why 12y/o Gus is left out) by pairing up most of the main group.

Now, my last concern is that putting Hunter into a romantic relationship this soon after he escaped an extremely abusive environment, and is just now beginning to understand healthy relationships and heal, might come off as ~true love~ being used to “cure” his trauma, if it’s handled poorly, even if it’s not the intention. Given how little time there is left, adding a romantic relationship this late to a character like Hunter is not going to be handled properly. It’s better to just leave him single and not touch romance for now.

Final Thoughts:

Again, hopefully the writers aren’t going to make them a couple, and instead explore one of the options mentioned in the beginning, or this doesn’t go anywhere - this wouldn’t be much of an issue, given how easy it is to miss the blushes.

If you have other issues with Huntl0w, other than personal headcanons or preferring another ship, or you’d like to add to something I already said, feel free to add on.

#the owl house #toh hunter #hunter toh #hunter noceda #the golden guard #willow park #huntl0w negative #aroacespec hunter #aroace willow #aroace willow park #aro willow #aromantic willow #(revealing my hcs i guess)#aroace hunter #this one's not my personal hc but i respect it #and idk maybe the people who have that hc might agree with this post #so i'll add that too

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hearth-and-veil · 1 year

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Fun fact: Kitchen Witchcraft and Consumption Spells are not the same thing!

Kitchen Witchcraft is a mostly safe form of magic that involves things like cooking your will into food, using ingredients in a dish to cast spells, and things like that.

Consumption spells are an old ass form of folk magic that irrevocably* binds you to a spell by taking it into your body.

Consumption spells are tricky, dangerous, and inherently unsuitable for certain types of practitioners, including, but not limited to, actual empaths. I practice consumption spells. They are intense. They are really easy to mess up and the consequences can be devastating.

I mean, something called "Burnt Blood Oath Chalice" should really send off alarm bells.

If someone tries to get you to participate in a consumption spell (or spell eating, curse eating, or anything along those lines - it's all the same thing) RUN for the hills. I mean, you can do it. Just be aware of how dangerous and difficult it is. How much do you trust this person? Are you certain they can (and will) fix things if something goes wrong? Are you certain you can handle it?

*I say irrevocably binding, but they can be undone by someone who knows how. But however difficult it is to correctly do a consumption spell, it is about 5 times as difficult to properly undo one - 10 times with the magic intact. Y'all may remember a few months ago when I fed a curse to an empath and it didn't go well? (In my defense, I had never met an actual empath before!) As experienced as I am, it took me almost a month to recover from taking the spell from her. Part of that is because I did it with the magic intact and then reconsumed it myself, and reconsumption is more difficult than initial consumption, but it would have been draining either way.

Someone who was not involved in the initial spell can also take a spell (consumption or not) from another person. Ever heard of sin eating? That's a type of sympathetic consumption magic. The person who removes the spell can then release it (difficult to ensure you got it all), or consume it themselves. If they consume, their two options are to continue the spell or purge it from themselves. Some choose to consume then purge, instead of just straight releasing, so that they know if they got all of the magic out.

But anyway, I reiterate, I don't recommend you do this. AND: it can neither be taught nor completed virtually. It has to be taught, and done, in person. Trust me. If someone is telling you the steps for consumption, it won't work, because there's one final step to the teaching that can only be done live and in person. That is your sign of whether or not this person knows what they're doing when they're teaching you.

I will not teach you. But if someone else is saying they'll teach you, feel free to message me with that they're teaching you and I will verify or deny. "But Auntie Mags, everybody does things differently!" Not that differently. There are little quirks to each practice, but I can promise you that, with this, there will be the same overarching structure. Especially with the final teaching. I don't say that about most magic, but some forms of magic, it actually is true.

#witchy #witch #witchcraft #kitchen witch #witchlife #witchblr #witch community #witch tip #consumption magic #curse eating #spell eating #advanced witchcraft

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callivich · 9 months

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This is probably a silly question but I am very inept at tech - how do you make the banners for your fics? They look great and it's awesome you're doing for each A.U.gust fic (which, btw, you are KILLING).

Hi! Thank you so much! 💖

This got a bit long sorry!

It’s not a silly question at all! I didn’t really know what I was doing at first and just played around until I got the results I wanted. I mainly use a free app called ‘canva’. You have to sign up for it but most of it is free. (There is a premium version but the basic free version is pretty great.)

Canva has all sorts of different templates including two specifically for tumblr - ‘tumblr banner’ and ‘tumblr graphic’. So you can do all sorts of edits using one of their blank templates or use one of their pre-made ones.

This is what it looks like:

The buttons I use are:

Design - templates you can use. If you like the style of one you can use it and delete the pictures/text but keep the font/style/elements of it.

Elements - all sorts of fun things like shapes, lines, graphics, stickers, frames and lots more

Text - fonts and styles if you want to write something on your banner

Uploads - usually I just screen shot gallavich scenes I want and save them and then upload them to canva. sometimes I google the shameless promo pics because they are quite high quality.

Scrolling down a bit-

Pictures - canva provides a bunch of free images to use

Background - canva provides backgrounds which will automatically fit your template style

Pixabay & Pexels - these come from the Apps section and both have loads of free images to use. There’s a ton of other editing/picture apps but I haven’t explored them.

————

Here’s a little example:

You can add pictures and then play around with different tools, effects, filters. You can also change the size & position and more. There’s an animate option but I’ve never tried that so I don’t know about how to use it.

You can add text and you can add effects to the text.

——-

There’s so much you can do with this app. Much more than I usually do. In terms of the A.U.gust banners, I used a blank tumblr template and chose the font I wanted and then just changed the background picture (all taken from the free images apart from the Gallavich pics which were screen shots) and the words/numbers. So it didn’t take much time as I was just doing a lot of copying and pasting.

————

If I want to get extra fancy, then I sometimes also use a free app called Picsart. Like canva, you have to sign up and there is a premium version but the free version gives you lots of options.

There’s quite a few different editing tools but I mostly use it for effects and masks. So I make my banner or edit in canva, save it and then upload it to Picsart and play around with it.

There are so many different effects you can use.

There are loads of masks which can add texture or light to your edit.

————

Hopefully this is helpful? I don’t know how good I am at explaining things 😅 I know it seems a bit complicated but actually, once you play around and test things out - you get the hang of it and it becomes really fun and easy to make edits like this! But please do let me know if you (or anyone else reading this) have any questions! 💖💖💖

#calli talks #edits #edit #sort of a #tutorial #?

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krikeymate · 11 months

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Jenna used to play soccer, so… :) Foster AU: Sidney somehow manages to convince Sam that Tara needs to socialise with other children. Sam starts to look for clubs and homeschool groups, but Tara refuses to go to any of them.

Then Tara sees a soccer match on TV, and for some reason, she’s super intrigued. Sam barely manages to get her away from the TV screen for dinner. Tara starts to play soccer by herself. They don’t have a garden so she does it indoors and accidentally breaks a lot of stuff. Sam or Sidney start to take her to the park to play. Tara really seems to enjoy kicking the ball around, trying to shoot it into her pretend-goals. Sidney suggests signing her up for a soccer team. Sam laughs in her face. Tara is asthmatic. She can’t play soccer. But Tara’s obsession with this game doesn’t go away. Sam speaks to a doctor, tries to figure out if playing sports is safe for Tara. Soccer isn’t the best option for kids with asthma, says the doctor. Something indoors would be better, but with the right training and medication, it could work. Sam talks to Tara about joining a soccer team, secretly hoping that Tara will refuse, just like she did with everything else Sam suggested so far. But Tara’s hooked! So they try it. Tara needs her inhaler a lot in the beginning, but she loves it anyways and she’s also doing really good!

I forgot where they live in this AU but let’s just pretend there are not too many soccer teams around. Tara’s team has boys and girls in it. There’s a wide variety of ages, too. Tara’s the tiniest kid on the field. She’s surrounded by all these huge children who take every chance they get to foul each other. Still, Tara has an absolute blast anytime she gets to play and she’s also not bad. Sam, however, who watches every game like a hawk to make sure her baby doesn’t suffocate, hates every second of every match. Tara’s bruised from head to toe because she keeps getting run over by the big kids and also gets placed in the goal a lot because of her asthma, doing everything in her power to catch the ball, which is quite the task for someone her size. Sam barely manages to stay off the field whenever a ball hits her sister or someone rams into her full-force. But Sam keeps suffering through the games, because Tara’s eyes shine whenever she talks about soccer.

(Have you seen Tara kicking that Ghostface in S6? Tiny asthmatic soccer player Tara is canon to me :D)

Foster AU, nah (Tara's anxiety is off the charts in that AU). But five years late AU? Oh absolutely, I've even mentioned soccer a few times. And in place of Sidney, we have Judy! I even removed a line from this post, in anticipation of answering this one. I didn't manage to include some of the stuff you said, but I need you to know tiny determined Tara in goal and Sam constantly being forced back down into her seat whenever she gets hit with the ball is so so canon.

Tara doesn't really have any friends her own age, and it worries Sam. She just doesn't click with any of her peers, so much more interested in just being with Sam. The only other people she talks to are Sam's babysitting crew, and they've been sweet enough so far, but they're all getting older. They're teenagers now, and they're not going to want to hang around with their old babysitter and her baby sister that much longer, she's sure. (She's wrong.)

It isn't until they're out of that house and Tara is hers and hers alone, that Sam really begins to notice just how little people Tara had in her life, how she doesn't have any friends. She's supposed to be in an after-school club, it's mandatory for every student at Woodsboro Elementary, and yet somehow Tara's managed to escape it. They'd tried, she would later learn, but Tara would refuse to participate, would work herself up to such a state that she would trigger her asthma. In the end they'd decided it was less of a liability to just give her a pass. Trying to coax answers from Tara is futile, she's already so stressed about all the upheaval and changes going on that she doesn't really understand, that Sam gives up in the end.

A couple of months into their new routine, and Judy suggests something ridiculous. She suggests Sam put Tara in soccer. A sport. "Why not?" she asks, as if Tara doesn't have asthma (and seem to hate people). "She plays soccer with the boys all the time, she's playing it right now," Hicks points out, waving her hand to the window where Tara is hanging off of Wes' back whilst Chad dibbles a ball past him. Sam looks back at her, unimpressed. "That's not soccer," she says, frowning. She watches for a few moments, eyeing the way Tara's chest heaves as she slips back down to the floor. "And it's getting too much for her, she needs a break," Sam continues, reaching for the back door. Tara can't do a sport.

...Sam puts Tara in a soccer club.

Judy, the bitch, asks Tara directly if that is something she would be interested in, and the little shit said yes. She was put on this earth to make Sam's life harder, she thinks sometimes. She loves that girl with every part of her, she makes her life infinitely better in every way, but god does she have a habit of finding ways to be difficult. She'll want to do the one thing Sam doesn't want her to do. She'll only eat the one vegetable Sam hates. Her favourite juice is one Sam can't stand the smell of. She's a pink to Sam's black. It just goes on and on.

But Tara was excited about the idea, and she'd asked please, and was actually interested, so how could Sam deny her? She did say she needed to make some friends. If only those friends could be the same size as Tara. A hard ask, given Tara's always been so small. But Woodsboro only has one junior soccer club, so it's a mixture of ages and genders. A terrifying, terrifying mix.

The idea was for Sam to get some time to herself, Judy jokes one day as she joins Sam in watching the practice. "I don't need time to myself, I need to make sure Tara's ok," Sam mumbles, eyes never leaving her sister.

Tara's always covered in bruises these days. Some asshole had even sent in a report, leading to a damn social worker turning up at the apartment. Sam's been scared to take her eyes of Tara for a moment since. What if she gets hurt and they decide Sam's not suitable to look after her anymore? Sam goes to every practice. She spends all her free time with Tara in the park, being told she needs to kick the ball harder (she's absolutely not kicking the ball harder). Sam kind of begins to hate soccer once her sister starts watching it on the tv as well. But Tara loves it, and Sam loves her.

#/mp #ask box #Scream #Sam Carpenter #Tara Carpenter #AU: five years late

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paulkitty · 2 years

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i made a few dynastid eyeset recolors! i love maxis-match cc and i was really excited to have an eyeset that i could easily make a decent-looking recolor with. all of these should be compatible with the addon set made by @squea and can be used with each other without any editing needed. however the order might get messed up with other addon sets as i ordered them right after squea's addon set. this is easily fixed in sims 4 studio by editing the secondary display index values to your preferred order.

downloads here (free/no adfly, mediafire) more info below the cut

🔔 @maxismatchccworld @mmoutfitters @squea

to make these i repeatedly cloned swatches from the original addon set (using “add swatch” so the IDs are not the same), so they should have all the same settings and the same specular.

SET ONE ("AF"): i was using aoifae's recolors of @plumbheadsims' delicate eyes, so i tried to remake those swatches. they aren’t 100% accurate to the delicate eye colors because i was lazy and just eyedropped the swatches. the natural and hazel swatches are from @missrubybird's aqua trigger eyes and the bright and unnatural swatches are original to @aoifae. (1, 2) (if you like delicate here are some occults too) SWATCH COUNT: 83 COLORS: mostly natural colors. there are some natural hazels and some bright unnatural colors. i also included the default colors of delicate as nondefault swatches!

SET TWO ("SR"): i was also using a sorbets remix recolor of delicate eyes, so i made a set for those too. when i started making this post though, i went to @noodlessorbets to see if there was a tag i should use and discovered immediately that someone else made a much more extensive set with other palettes as well and even created a heterochromia set! you can find @kissalopa's recolors here! it looks like we colored them differently, mine is a little more saturated, so i’ll still include mine in case you prefer them. you should be able to use both at the same time as i used a different secondary swatch color. (and if you don’t use my first set, you can use this one and her sorbets with no editing needed as mine will be ordered after hers) SWATCH COUNT: 76 COLORS: rainbow

SET THREE ("HS"): hs stands for homestuck. this set features all of the canon troll blood colors, from the extended zodiac signs, as well as black and candy red (for juvenile or mutant trolls.) it has the option for white sclera and yellow sclera, in case you are making humanified trolls or actual trolls. the yellow sclera may not be 100% canon accurate (may appear too light) but it's the right hue and it should look fine during gameplay. also at the end there are jade and black swatches with a brighter yellow sclera for any rainbowdrinkers :) SWATCH COUNT: 30 COLORS: palette + black and bright/candy red. the "AF” set i made also includes a black swatch, but i made sure to make one lighter than the other.

SET FOUR ("FUN"): as i was recoloring sometimes i would get off track and make random colors. then when i had finished my plans i decided to just make some Fun Interesting colors. these are all pretty bright or unnatural looking, and some of them look strange. they don't follow any particular palette. they are also not sorted by color and are roughly in the order i made them. SWATCH COUNT: 36 COLORS: unnatural, bright

i contemplated remaking these +v1 and went as far as drawing a new heart catchlight and making 32 out of 90 swatches (16 colors) but then i felt like that was just too many swatches, so i stopped. this is what it would have looked like below (i had heart and normal versions) but im not sure anyone would want or use these. if you do lemme know i guess

sorry that this post lacks complete previews and is sort of strange! i have kind of never made a tumblr post before. if anything is wrong with the eyes like the textures are weird or something let me know! i thought perhaps they looked a bit artifacted in my game but i compared them to the original dynastid set and they looked like the same quality to me.

edit: i just found out tagging people below the cut sends them a notification. sorry to everyone who was pinged omg

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legends-number-one-fan · 8 months

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Pizzaplex headcannons and what not because yes.

Strap yourselves in because this is gonna be a LONG list.

You don't need a pass to enter the attractions. The animatronics have your guest profile already, so you can go in and out as you please.

An entry pass is needed to enter the pizzaplex. You can buy one at the booths to the left of the entrance doors, as well as upgrade it to seasonal or all year round pass. There are also upgrade booths inside the plex

Each attraction has their own little teams you can join. Take for example, Bonnie bowl. There are 3 teams. The junior strikers team (ages 4-11), the youth strikers team (ages 12-17), and the adult strikers team, (ages 18+) Joining a team, or have your child join can land you some nifty discounts.

Every attraction (besides the Daycare) has something called a Music Booth (including the East and West Arcade). There are 2 lists, one on the left and right side of each paper. The left side is for non explicit songs, and the right is for explicit songs for After Hours (more on that later). There are two boxes. One for the name of the song, another for the name of the artist. Every so often, when a few pages are filled up, a staff bot will come over and grab them and take them to the production room, where it is reviewed and put into a Playlist on Spotify or Apple Music. Sometimes the songs can end up being chosen for the shows during the day and after hours.

The pizzaplex fully closes at midnight, but it closes at 9pm for adults with their younger kids. After they leave, After Hours begins. A time for older teens and young adults to relax and use explicit language without worrying about kids being around. Even the animatronics are permitted to use explicit language. It is 16+ as long as you have a ride home. This is were the right side of the sheet at the Music Booths comes to play. They take those songs and shuffle them up in a playlist like they do during day hours. Sometimes, not all the time, they will let the After Hours go until 1am. Around 9:15pm they have a concert that is optional to go to. It runs for about 75 minutes. The attractions are open during it. Then afterwards the animatronics and everyone else have free roam until they close. They don't host After Hours on a week when Overnights happen (more on that later)

Speaking of shows/concerts, Bonnie is in the band (He doesn't die because i said so). Him, Freddy, Chica, Roxy, and Monty all preform together. Bonnie now plays electric/acoustic guitar. He can still play bass. Just doesnt as much anymore. He gifted that bass to Monty.

At the end of the first and last song they play, they have these buckets full of different passes and throw then out to the crowd. There is a good chance you will catch more than one.

Speaking of Monty, bass isn't the only thing he can play. He can play guitar to some degree (Bonnie definitely has been teaching him). And he has also tried out piano.

They do have overnights, they just don't happen as much anymore. You can find a staff bot counter to sign up. The spots get filled up pretty quickly so be sure to sign up as soon as possible. They host them for the whole week, so when you get signed up, you'll be put on a random night. Overnights last from 10pm to 5am. The first hour is a tour for the first timers at the plex (if there are no first timers, then they start the free roam early). Then it's free roam. Around 5:15am, they tell the group to start getting ready to leave clean up their trash, etc. Every one has to be out by 5:30. They leave through a door in the back of the plex because of the lines in the front.

Now how do passes work. Let's take, for example, a Rehearsal Room Pass, a pass that let's you hang out with the gang for the entirety they practice for their next show/concert. You bring your pass to a staff bot counter and they scan your pass. Then they give you a little wristband that has the time you should be there printed on it.

They recently made a brand new pass called AR Pass, where you have the opportunity to put on the V.A.N.N.I mask and see the plex through the AR world, and you'll have the chance of meeting Helpi and M.X.E.S. (this is cannon because yes). He also has the tendency to give the person wearing the mask a little scare by randomly appearing behind them, to give the others watching a good laugh and even the person wearing the mask a good laugh (this is also cannon because yes). Due to high demand of this pass, it is a bit of a rare one to come across, so there's a lower chance you'll get one when they throw out passes during the concerts. You probably have to buy it, which is expensive, or if your lucky you can find a person who willing to trade.

All the animatronics have the ability to drink and eat as they please.

Might make a part 2 if I come up with anything else.

#fnaf security breach #headcanon #fnaf glamrocks #mxes #fnaf helpi

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aboutanancientenquiry · 25 days

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A very informative text of neurosurgeon and historian of science Pr. Alexander Brawanski on the Edwin Smith Papyrus and more generally on ancient Egyptian medicine - I

"On the myth of the Edwin Smith papyrus: is it magic or science?

History

Published: 17 October 2012

Volume 154, pages 2285–2291, (2012)

Alexander Brawanski

Introduction

The Edwin Smith papyrus (ESP) [1] holds a very special position in the canon of the ten surviving major medical papyri from ancient Egypt. The text has a clear, logical structure. It describes injuries and wounds from head to toe (a capite ad calcem), separated into 48 cases. Again, each case is presented in a clearly structured manner. After the title, the diagnostic procedure and relevant clinical signs are enumerated. When deemed necessary, differential diagnostics are mentioned as well as an additional explanation of some of the clinical symptoms and specific medical terms. A verdict follows that comprises three treatment possibilities: either the disease can be treated, or it is a disease “the physician will fight with,” or nothing can be done for the patient. Depending on this, treatment options are given.

After the editio princeps (Fig. 1) by Breasted in 1930 [2] and the standard edition of the hieroglyphic text in 1959 [3], three more recent major editions of this papyrus in translation with commentary have been published [1, 4, 5], in addition to some articles that studied single cases [6–11]. Most of these publications were more or less philogically oriented. Consequently, since its publication the ESP has attracted modern physicians, who have explained the injuries based on their knowledge of modern medicine and tried to evaluate the efficacy of the proposed treatments from a modern medical point of view [12–14]. Many of these students praised the ESP as the first scientific work of medicine because of its clearly structured layout and the lack of magical practice [15, 16]. Unfortunately, often it is not mentioned or missed that the ESP also contains prescriptions with magical spells or allusions. This holds true for cases 8 and 9 in the surgical part and several magical spells on the verso of the last page, which are not directly related to the surgical treatise. These, of course, do not fit the pure scientific approach. When mentioned, the magic interludes in this papyrus were often defined as unnecessary slips of the otherwise scientific approach and were mostly discarded as a “fall back” to more pagan times [17], which allegedly happened to ancient Egyptian medicine in the course of its later development [18].

Photographs of the Edwin Smith papyrus from the original publication by Breasted [57]. a Part of a page of the original in hieratic; b the modern scientific transcription into hieroglyphics

The aim of this article is to define the socio-cultural environment (“Sitz im Leben”) of this document in order to explain this putative contradiction. Furthermore, its “scientific character” will be discussed. In detail, the following issues will be addressed: What was the social organization of ancient Egypt at the time of the ESP (1600 BCE)? How does medicine fit into this, and how was it executed practically? What are the treatment concepts and how does magic fit into all this? How did the individual patient fare? This article will not discuss the ESP on a case-by-case basis, but tries to give an overview.

The social–governmental organization

Around 1600 BCE, the approximate time the ESP was writen, although it quite obviously is a copy of a much older papyrus, ancient Egypt was a highly organized society [19]. The ancient Egyptian society included professional specializations. One finds carpenters, fishermen, peasants, and various craftsmen, just to name a few. This facilitated the great building projects and enterprises of the state such as temples and pyramids. Specialization, which had started many centuries before, necessitated a good working administration, as a carpenter had to be supplied with food that he could not generate for himself. Therefore, nearly every transaction related to the distribution of goods, food, and the work force was managed by the state and registered in archives to keep things running well. In general, this form of governmental organization (redistributive economy [20]) represents the concept of the division of and specialization in labor and the redistribution of “surplus food,” which constitutes one hallmark of all ancient civilizations [21].

Most of the administrative archives were located in respective centers connected to temples. The relevant location was a building called the “House of Life” [22]. The Egyptian countryside was covered by a more or less tight net of temples (and adjoining administrative buildings). These institutions housed the standard documents, which constituted the intellectual basis of the Egyptian state itself. These documents included royal decrees and religious texts in addition to administrative documents. In addition, these places kept written documents for issues dealing with the necessities of daily life. Astronomical observational lists for defining the rise of the Nile, mathematical (engineering) papyri for building projects and land surveys after the annual flood, and of course medical papyri belonged to this knowledge base. These documents were used for reference and for the education of scribes and governmental employees, which took place in the temple precincts as well. In addition, the major (temple) centers had to organize religious feasts, expeditions, and building enterprises in accordance with the royal court. Also jurisdiction was practiced there. However, it is necessary to understand that these administrative centers were not exclusively responsible for the welfare of the state by wringing taxes out of the peasants and ordering corvèe work, as one might be led to believe. On the contrary, these institutions also had to supply services and help for the common people in order to keep the state running. This fact is mirrored in the various “teachings,” presenting guidelines for administrative personnel on how to behave in specific situations [23]. Egyptology has proved several periods in the 4,000 years of ancient Egyptian history in which this centralized system broke down and social turmoil occurred.

The place of medicine in society and its practical execution

On the very practical side, we can differentiate a governmental medicine from a “folk medicine.” Common people may have asked somebody from their village, the neighbors, or a lay person with some medical knowledge, for help with minor diseases and illnesses. A text from love songs of the New Kingdom describes how this could have happened: “I will lie down at home and do as if I were sick; the neighbors will come and look after me…” [24]. In more serious situations, common patients would have sought help from a “professional” in the temple and thus addressed governmentally organized support. Usually medical doctors would not have gone to people in the countryside, although exceptions certainly occurred [25]. In the temple environments, the patients were attended by physicians, assessed and treated, and possibly told to come back. It seems likely that they could stay there for treatment and medical observation, but this is not described prior to Hellenistic times [26]. The story of the Wesir Wesh-Ptah relates a description of how things could have been handled in such a context: “After observation of the patient all the relevant scriptures were brought in order to get a clue what had happened to him. Then treatment was advised accordingly" [25].

Different scenarios can be projected for the royal entourage and high-ranking officials. Several physicians were permanently present at the royal court, as specific titles suggest [25]. But otherwise the procedure per se was the same: After examination of the patient and checking the documents, treatment was done.

Clearly, the therapeutic goal of the ancient Egyptian physician was to cure the patient and return him to health as much as possible. However, this should not be seen so simply. The intent to treat had farther-reaching motives. Besides the individual fate of a single patient, there was a general interest of the state in the widest sense to keep its population healthy and functional. Consequently, the medical profession in ancient Egypt had a structured organization. We find masters, inspectors, and chiefs of physicians [25]. Furthermore, physicians were appointed to specific jobs that necessitated their permanent presence for a limited time, such as service during an expedition, at a major construction site, or during a journey by ship [25, 27]. All this can be adduced as evidence for this interest, albeit there is some Egyptological discussion about the real meaning and efficacy of all these titles [25]. The state understood that a healthy population was a prerequisite for a functioning state. Again, this must not be understood as a generous attitude of the government. On the contrary, the “lower ranks” of the population expected care and provisions through an orderly setup of society with all its supplies and thus accepted the social inequality that necessarily existed in those societies [28]. This is mirrored in part in the so-called “lamentation literature” in which the misadventures of a non-functioning state are described and the missing “order of the world” (see below) is lamented. In “The Lamentations of Ipuwer,” the Pharaoh as the major representative of this order is obviously reproached for not fulfilling his duties in this respect [29]. One major aspect of the governmental medical care was simply to keep the “system” running.

Considering the above circumstances, we can explain the different types of medical documents that survived, albeit we have to be clear that we have something like 0.001 % of the actually existing ancient Egyptian medical literature. Out of the canonical scripts, excerpts were made for specific situations—often by scribes who did not always understand what they had to write—and passed to the physicians appointed to a specific task. So one can imagine that more information on traumatic incidences was needed for building enterprises, whereas expeditions needed more information about what we moderns would call infections and the consequences of malnourishment, skin problems (sun burn, parasites, snake and scorpion bites), and eye diseases. Many of the preserved abbreviated medical manuals may have originated in such situations. Some of the larger medical papyri found in tombs, like the ones in the collections of the Ramesseum [30] and the Chester Beatty papyri [31], could have been given as a gift after the successful completion of a difficult job for which the specific copy was prepared. There also were copies made for personal use. Papyrus libraries were bequeathed within families to keep the profession there [32]. These papyri were very valuable as they represented knowledge that was otherwise not available."

#edwin smith papyrus #ancient egypt #ancient egyptian medicine #egyptology #alexander brawanski

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valentinesparda · 2 months

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY VALENTINEEEEE

how about birthday cake, gift, and surprise! for your choice? :3c

@kylars-princess WEEEE THANK YOUUUU I'll answer for euphemia since ff12 is on the mind 💜💙 adding in all the immediate f/os, including familial

BIRTHDAY CAKE: what's your favourite cake flavor? does your f/o get you that kind of cake or do they surprise you?

EFFIE GETS THE FRUITS AND FLORALS CAKE BEAM!!!! god forbid we know what spices and herbs exist in ivalice (maybe somewhere in the other ivalice games there lies an answer) but for now I'm gonna say that they like vanilla based cake with a small layer of berries in the middle, but they may also like a lavender or rose cake :>

upon second thought, there's a very small chance that effie would like tiramisu, but I think I'll go with my gut on the first option

either way, drace goes out of her way to drop hints about her sibling's birthday to vayne and he knows that effie has never liked large celebrations, so he has a very small, personal-sized cake baked by the imperial kitchen, but effie wakes up in a terrible mood and can't bring themself to eat any of it, and when they have lessons with larsa later they offer to split it with him

no cake sharing with gabranth, i think he would have one taste of the cake and go PBBTH from the shock of flowers in his fuckin mouth (if it were tiramisu he might partake in it)

GIFT: what does your f/o get for you? what do you get for your f/o on their birthday?

drace wouldn't be able to get them a gift beforehand, but they do ask to go to the shops with effie and buy them whatever they want, it's a little shopping spree for the siblings :D it's the same for drace's birthday

vayne buys effie a gift every year for their birthday and it is ALMOST ALWAYS supplies (notebooks, pens, bags, etc) because he doesn't actually know what they like anymore. drace has told him to try flowers and he vehemently denies it because he still thinks his feelings are a secret. effie draws things for most people's birthdays, and vayne has a drawer full of all of the drawings they've done for him but he would deny it

larsa gives them flowers from the garden every birthday!! it has become a small tradition the past few years where he'll choose specific flowers for their meanings and surprise them with them. they gift larsa books for his birthday because he loves reading!!

gabranth is....well....he's kind of on the same level as vayne, where he doesn't know what effie would want, but he has been anonymously leaving them flowers for the past few years after noticing it's what larsa does. unknown to effie, they do the same, following flower meanings as well. when they eventually become closer, gabranth signs notes with his flowers and the bouquets get larger each time he drops them off

SURPRISE!: does your f/o throw a surprise party for you?:

ABSOLUTELY NOT. vayne tried once and effie wound up having a panic attack for the rest of the night. no surprise parties for the anxious tutor.

#asks #nick tag #otp: to be alone #otp: fools of ourselves #si: euphemia

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extremetimedchallengeexchange · 11 months

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How to sign up for an Ao3 Exchange - Option 1

So there's details about what you're expected to do for your sign up to the exchange, but what does this look like in practice? This is a brief tutorial about signing up for an AO3 exchange! For an alternate method, check out this post.

I start by clicking on the Sign Up button on the lefthand side of the Ao3 collection.

That brings you to the sign up page, which looks like this.

Let's fill it out! There's a minimum of three requests, so I'm going to start with my Dream SMP sign-up.

The part I want to start with is Fandom and the Relationships.

I selected Dream SMP from the autocomplete menu, and selected the relationships the same way. I'm okay with either the romantic or platonic form of beeduo, so I select both ships to increase matching options, I want romantic tntduo, and platonic bedrock bros. I ignore the "any relationship box" and the "letter url" for now. On to the prompt and DNW list!

I start off with a general list of my likes. These are totally optional for my gifter to include, but it can give them a sense of the sort of vibe I like! Then on to the prompts.

I broke out each relationship, and requested three prompts for each. Note that you only absolutely only have to request one prompt for each relationship— sometimes you only want to see your guys one way— but it's best practice to offer options for your gifter. I tried to offer prompts that could be done in a single scene or a few scenes, cause my gifter only has 48 hours to create. I then included my DNW (do not want), which has to be included on each request. This is just a list of things that would ruin the gift for me, and these can be petty fandom likes and dislikes, genuine triggers, or just stuff that I am picky about. If you're filling it out and you're like "literally everything is okay for me", you'd put in DNW: no restrictions, but be aware that in that case the only thing off the table is NSFW because of exchange rules— Major Character Death, major gore, and platonic omegaverse (to pick something from my DNW), are all possibilities with a "no restrictions" DNW.

Just scanning through what I have so far, I have to request a minimum of three fandoms, at least one prompt that would work as an art prompt, at least one prompt that would work as a fic prompt, and one gen relationship, so I'm well on my way! Let's go on to request two.

It is not required to do an Any Relationship request this time, but there are only two tags in the fandom (at the time of the mod typing this up) and I want both of them, so I can just save time by clicking the "any" button! It does mean that it can match me to either one equally though, so be careful about using the Any button for big fandoms.

Okay, one more fandom to go to meet the requirements!

For this fandom I just felt like requesting one tag, but that's fine too! You can go up to the max of twenty, or just request one! I still had my likes and my prompts and my DNW, so I'm ready to go!

That finishes my Requests, but what about my offers? I need three of those, too. Requests was what you'd like as a gift, and Offers is what you're willing to make. I'll start with Dream SMP, because that's still my primary fandom. All you need to do is select the fandom and the relationships.

I will write for a lot more different relationship than I'd want as a gift, so I have more relationships to select there!

I know that every tag for this fandom (murderbot my beloved) is something I'd be comfortable writing, so I can just save time and select "any relationship"

For Empires, I'm a nature wives fan, so I wanted to make sure to offer that relationship too.

And now all there is left to do is hit the Submit button!

Note that up until sign ups are closed, you can go in and take things out, change your prompts, add things, or anything else you like. It's not locked in until the mods hit the big red button and start Matching.

Once matched, my whole list of Requests will show up in an email to my gifter, and then they have my whooooole list, which they get to pick One thing from to make a gift. Meanwhile something from my Offers list has matched me with someone else, and I'll be poring over a different list of Requests, picking One thing to make in 48 hours

#faq #id in alt text

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kurna-kovite · 11 months

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Curicó - a fic, I guess

Obligatory "warning, yaoi content included!!!!! dont like don't read!!!!! " except there's no smut

Kaoru felt a yawn well up in his chest, a signal, a sign from his body telling him that he needed to close his eyes and go to sleep. Which was funny, because he'd been trying to do exactly that for hours now.

He huffed in annoyance, and propped himself up on his elbows so he could glare at nothing in particular. He usually fell asleep within minutes. He's heard of people who struggle to fall asleep every night, and he considered himself lucky to not be one of those people, because this sucked.

He blinked away the tiredness from his eyes, and with a defeated groan, he rolled over, and pulled his phone from off of his nightstand. He opened it, and squinted at the screen to check through his notifications.

Something, something, blue light makes it harder to sleep, something, whatever. Kaoru didn't care, and hoped that a little extra stimulation would then push his brain into finally shutting itself down so he could sleep. So he scrolled through some various messages, swiping away the things he didn't particularly feel like responding to, until all that was left were videos and memes that Hikaru had sent him.

Kaoru rested his chin down on his pillow, and opened one of the apps to scroll through what his brother had sent him. And, after a couple of quiet chuckles, he sent back a heart emoji, a way of acknowledging what Hikaru had sent him without actually trying to type out a response. After all, it's hard to find the right words to say "I really enjoyed that meme, especially the part where Walter White showed up in a completely unrelated universe". A heart emoji would do fine.

Kaoru closed that app, thinking that that was all, but he glanced up when he saw another notification pop up from his brother.

why r u up?

Kaoru sighed. It's not like he chose to be.

I could ask you the same thing

He watched as the "Hikaru is typing… " message popped up, and waited to see what the message would be, despite his fingers screaming at him to check another social media app while he waited for the few seconds it would take for his brother to answer him.

can't sleep. u too?

nope. im gonna kms

noooo ur so sexy :(

Kaoru chuckled softly to himself, and buried his head into his pillow for a moment to let out a loud groan. He could feel the tiredness in his head, but he knew that as soon as he closed his eyes, he'd just want to open them right back up again.

The entire night, he'd been debating on just biting the bullet, and going to sleep in Hikaru's room. It had been his room just yesterday. This was the first night they were sleeping in separate rooms.

And it had been Kaoru's idea. Even when they talked after his hasty decision, he'd opted to take a separate room to help them start their journey of becoming less dependent on each other. To be honest, he was stubborn, and didn't want to face the embarrassment of being the one to go and wake Hikaru up because he couldn't sleep without him.

But Hikaru couldn't sleep either. Kaoru chewed on his lip as he weighed his options. He could at least say that they tried to sleep separately. Maybe the solution was to slowly wean themselves off of each other instead of going cold turkey. And there was no sense torturing themselves the rest of the night when they'd sincerely done their best to go without each other.

Maybe Kaoru was just making excuses.

With a determined sigh, Kaoru lifted himself up from his bed, taking his phone and slipping it into the pocket of his pajama pants, before marching towards the door.

He tiptoed out into the hallway, and quietly closed the door behind him. Carefully, he made his way down the dark hall until he reached his brothers room. Their room.

Kaoru slowly opened the door, and looked inside just in time to see his brother turn his head over towards him. He couldn't help but smile when he saw how Hikaru seemed to perk up as soon as they made eye contact.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru greeted excitedly, and he pushed himself up so he was sitting on the bed. His excitement eventually wavered, and he brought a hand behind his neck to rub it sheepishly as if he felt that he'd gotten overexcited at the sight of his brother. "Er… Hey."

"Hey," Kaoru chuckled in response. "Mind if I come in?"

"You'll never need to ask," Hikaru answered in a more serious tone. Kaoru furrowed his eyebrows a little when he said that. Instead of moving right away, he stayed in the doorway for a few moments, like he was absorbing Hikaru's words and deciding whether or not they were unreal, or just dangerous. In the end, he decided that neither of those things were the case, and Kaoru nodded before stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

They had already moved Kaoru's bed out of this room, by his request, but Hikaru's bed was plenty big enough for the both of them. Hikaru shifted his position over, and pulled the covers a little ways back, giving Kaoru access. Kaoru sat down in the empty spot that Hikaru had provided, but he didn't lay down just yet, and twisted his body so that he could look at his twin.

They stared at each other for a few moments without saying anything. They were so used to always knowing exactly what the other was thinking, and they still do for the most part. But with how things were changing, it took… A little longer, for them to get on the same page.

"Really couldn't sleep, huh?" Kaoru broke the silence, and started to fiddle with the sheets while waiting for an answer.

Hikaru sighed, "Yeah. It's harder than I thought, trying to sleep…. " he trailed off with a frown, staring off at something that wasn't Kaoru.

".... Alone?" Kaoru offered, prompting his brother to turn his head back over to him.

"Yeah," Hikaru cracked a smile. "Maybe I should get a body pillow, or something."

Kaoru snorted at his joke, and rolled his eyes. "I'm not talking to you if you do that."

The two of them shared a snicker together, and Kaoru reached a hand over to clasp into Hikaru's. As their laughter subsided, Kaoru pulled his legs up onto the bed, and shifted underneath the covers while Hikaru moved himself around so that his brother would fit more snugly next to him. Kaoru relaxed his body, and leaned up against Hikaru, but neither of them laid down to sleep just yet.

"Maybe I… " Kaoru mumbled, "... Jumped the gun a little bit on this whole individuality thing."

"You're telling me," Hikaru scoffed light-heartedly, and wrapped his arm around Kaoru so he could squeeze him. "I love you, Kaoru. But god, you're really stupid sometimes."

"Thanks," Kaoru rolled his eyes, and did his best to jab his brother in the ribs with his elbow. "You suck."

"Just sayin'," Hikaru laughed, and squeezed his twin tighter to make it harder for Kaoru to maneuver himself around. "Was your only plan really to try and hurt me so that I'd distance myself from you?"

Kaoru didn't answer. The twins weren't looking at each other, and Hikaru wouldn't have been able to see him very well in the dark anyway, but his silence told him everything. He sighed, and rested his head up against Kaoru's, and the two of them shared the silence for a while.

"I'm sorry, Hikaru," Kaoru mumbled eventually. "I didn't know what else to do."

It was Hikaru's turn to lapse into silence this time, but they only squeezed together closer. Kaoru was the one to gently turn and move his head so that their cheeks were rubbing together like cats, and Hikaru reciprocated the movements.

"I know you didn't," he murmured. "But we don't… We don't have to jump right into this, y'know?"

"Mhm."

"I know we're not usually ones to take things slow, but… Just this once?"

"Mhm."

"... Are you even listening, Kaoru?"

"Mhm."

Hikaru could feel his twin smile at that, and he couldn't help but smile too. He knew Kaoru was going to answer with that again, whether it was because he was actually listening or because he was just a smartass. He felt Kaoru lift his head off of his, and he turned to face him just in time for Kaoru to gently rest his forehead against Hikaru's. He watched his brother with what he could only describe as affection, as his other half closed his eyes with content.

"I want you to be happy, Hikaru," he said quietly.

"I'm happy with you." Hikaru answered quickly. Kaoru opened his eyes to meet his gaze, and Hikaru smiled as he did. "I'm serious."

"I know you are," Kaoru chuckled softly. "But you need other people in your life to be your happiest."

Hikaru opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again quickly, and looked to the side, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "Okay- Yeah. But that doesn't mean I don't need you, too."

"Hikaru-"

"Kaoru." He cut him off, and met his eyes again, but he didn't say anything else. Kaoru pursed his lips and gave him a long look, before he continued.

"Hikaru, you need to become someone. Someone who isn't just 'the twin that isn't Kaoru'," he explained gently.

"I know that," Hikaru's voice was a little strained, as if he were trying to contain his frustration. "But Jesus Christ, what if- What if these differences push us apart? What if they make us weaker?"

Hikaru pulled his head away from Kaoru to give him an apprehensive look. "I mean, if someone hurts one of us, they hurt both of us. And we can be there for each other, but if we're different, if we're not the same, then we might end up hurting each other! We already-"

Hikaru didn't finish his sentence. He clenched his jaw shut, and he looked down with furrowed eyebrows. The room filled with silence once more, and Hikaru swallowed when he felt a hand on his cheek.

"I think," Kaoru began slowly. "That those differences are only going to bring us closer together."

He noticed the skeptical look on Hikaru's face, and took that as a sign that he needed to continue, "I mean… We're like… Mirrors of each other. We're both… " he looked away with a nervous cough. "Uh… Emotionally difficult. Just, in different ways.

"Like, I usually notice how you're feeling way before you do. I understand what and why you have those emotions before you even realize what they are. If all we had done was try to be the same person like always, when would you have realized how much Haruhi meant to you had I not said anything?"

Hikaru didn't answer. But Kaoru knew he was listening.

"You're more emotionally reactive than me. That's just how we're different already," Kaoru explained gently, and watched his brother intently until he saw the other nod slowly.

"Right. And if we were both just like me, it would be disastrous, huh?" Hikaru quipped, and a small smile finally returned to his face. Kaoru laughed at that.

"Sure. But it'd be equally disastrous if we were both me."

Hikaru raised an eyebrow, watching as his twin took a deep breath. If there were a bit more lighting in the room, he might've seen the way Kaoru's cheeks were turning slightly red.

"I uh… I get my head stuck in the clouds. A lot. I'm always looking down on everyone else, and trying to look too far ahead, that I forget that I'm also here."

Kaoru found Hikaru's hand with his own, and entwined their fingers together with a soft chuckle. "You uh… You're the one who usually grounds me. Brings me back to Earth. Remind me that I need to be living in the moment as much as, if not more, than thinking about the future."

Hikaru let out a long sigh through his nose, and pursed his lips as he thought about his brother's words. He squeezed Kaoru's hand tightly, and let his head fall back forward against his twins. "You are up in your own head a lot. I guess that's where you get all your bad ideas from, huh?"

Kaoru laughed, and closed his eyes with a smile. "I suppose, yeah. The point is, you were right about us having a special bond. We compliment each other. The fact that we're different is only going to let us know each other more thoroughly."

"... I think… I think I can work with that. You're lucky you're so convincing."

“There are a lot of ways I can convince you, Hikaru, and you know it.”

“I bet you couldn’t prove it,”

Hikaru smirked at his brother in a way that was almost challenging, and Kaoru lifted his eyebrows in amusement. They held each other's gaze for a few moments, until Kaoru took Hikaru's chin in his hand, and brought his face closer to his so he could start a kiss. Hikaru reacted like he was totally expecting it, and parted his lips to waste no time in deepening the kiss.

If there was one thing they knew, it was that this, this part of their relationship, would never change. Their affections, the familiarity, the comfort, would always be there when they came home.

Kaoru moved his hand through Hikaru's hair as they kissed. The road they'd just started on was a terrifying one. A road with a fork in the middle, where each of them would have to find themselves… Alone. To travel to some places alone. To meet other people alone.

Hikaru pulled away from the kiss to catch a breath, and they both panted in the darkness. Their vision had adjusted to the darkness, and they could see each other, and the way they looked at each other. Even if the road ahead was frightening, it would always lead to the same place; with each other.

Kaoru smiled as those comforting thoughts -which had mostly come from him- came to a conclusion, and Hikaru smiled back at him. And, Hikaru smiling caused Kaoru to smile wider, and vice versa, until they couldn't smile any wider, and instead just went back in for another kiss.

Both of them were too tired to put anything more than a little tongue into the kiss, but it was passionate enough. They could feel each other's affection through their body language, and the emotion that was in it. When they broke off the kiss once again, they rested their foreheads back against each other, and stayed there for a moment, letting the silence envelop them.

"I've always loved you, Hikaru," Kaoru said eventually. "I love you now. And… I look forward to falling in love with who you become."

Hikaru raised his head to look at him with a faint blush tinting his cheeks, and he giggled like a schoolgirl with a crush. "When'd you get so poetic?"

Kaoru chuckled, and shrugged. "Dunno. Guess that's one of our differences."

"You sayin I'm not poetic?" Hikaru scoffed, and poked Kaoru in the ribs. Kaoru gasped, and swatted at his hand.

"I'm saying that it doesn't suit you."

"Poetry suits me just fine!"

"Sure, if you're the subject."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"See? You have no idea what you're talking about."

Hikaru pouted at their squabble, and Kaoru rolled his eyes at his dramatism. "I'm tired. Can we sleep now?"

"I guess," Hikaru mumbled, and dramatically jerked his body underneath the covers like a kid throwing a tantrum. Just to annoy him, he pulled the blanket as much as he could away from Kaoru, who let out a soft 'hey' before trying to take it back.

The two couldn't help but break out into laughter as they tussled over the blanket, and before long, they both gave up, and settled down underneath it.

As they adjusted themselves until they were comfortable, Kaoru let out a content sigh. With his arms wrapping around his brother, he squeezed him gently, and rested his head down on the pillow. Hikaru did the same, and Kaoru started to close his eyes to sleep.

"I'll always love you too, Kaoru," Hikaru said softly. Kaoru opened his eyes again for just a moment, to look at him.

".... I know that now. Goodnight, Hikaru."

"Goodnight, Kaoru."

#hikaru hitachiin #kaoru hitachiin #hitachiin brothers #hitachiin twins #hikakao #hitachiincest #fic #this is just a character study disguised as a fic #my heart was broken after their 'breakup' arc and this is my way of healing #idk how to format on tumblr

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whentherewerebicycles · 1 year

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my beloved pups :) period started overnight and I woke up so sad. but I think the one good thing from this bummer of a weekend is that I feel like I’ve reached some clarity about next steps. I want to hold firm to the original boundary I set before starting this process: no IVF, at least in the US. truly zero judgment of anyone else’s choices but having a biological child is not so important to me that I want to mortgage my own future (and my kids’ futures) to it financially. and I’m genuinely interested in and open to fostering to adopt even though I have some nervousness around the idea.

so here’s my plan, because you know I can’t function without a plan:

depending on what my dr says tomorrow, I’ll pursue additional testing if it’s not crazy expensive. if there’s a physical reason IUI can’t work for me I would like to know so I can feel confident I’ve fully tried that option.

assuming there isn’t a physical reason and I just haven’t gotten lucky yet… I have gone through a lot research to try to understand the clinical guidance. I wanted to understand if the “3 failed IUIs = IVF is your only option” advice is based in good science or if it’s one of those things that people repeat to each other because they’ve heard it a lot. (I also wanted to know if it’s one of those things where our culture’s tendency to pathologize and hypermedicalize pushes people towards the invasive high-tech expensive options sooner than necessary). I am not 100% confident in my ability to interpret scientific data so you know, grain of salt but: it does seem like a lot of the studies that recommend the 3 cycle limit are single-clinic studies with small sample sizes. I found a more recent and much larger study that concluded that people who do 6-9 cycles still achieve similar rates of pregnancy as people who do 3-4. so it seems like the drop-off maybe isn’t as precipitous as the internet would have you believe. it’s hard to imagine doing 9 cycles (financially and emotionally) but I think I could do up to six.

I signed up this morning for the foster care licensing course online (in my state you have to be licensed both to foster and to adopt from foster care). I have to complete eight 3-hour sessions plus additional in-person stuff at the end. I want to set a goal of completing one session per week—maybe an hour a night spread over a few nights. I also want to use this process to engage in sustained reflection and writing about my feelings/fears around pursuing parenting by another route. it seems totally normal and expected that I’d have a lot of head/heart-clearing to do before I’m ready to tackle a big life-changing commitment. so I want to begin that work now. I would like to complete the online training by July 15 (and I of course have my own syllabus of secondary readings I want to do too lol). I’ve heard the home study process you have to complete after training can take anywhere from 3-9 months, so starting now will get me moving in that direction but won’t obligate me to make any big decisions for a while yet.

IVF abroad is still a possibility—I budgeted it out for one of the Greece clinics and I think I could do it for $8-9k which includes all travel and lodging costs (not bad if I also get a fun two-week vacation out of it!). but I couldn’t afford to do that financially or PTO-wise until November/December, so I think it makes sense to move forward on other fronts for now and keep that as a back-burner idea I can return to in a couple months.

and lastly: here’s a final emotional thing I want to register. as I expected it might, this process has been stirring up a lot of old buried gender shame, which isn’t specifically about my body but has more to do with that one quote people reblog on tumblr that goes something like I have always been ashamed of being witnessed in the act of wanting what I can’t have. my gender shame has always had so little to do with my gendered body and so much to do with the feeling that people are watching me want to embody something I can’t embody in a way that convinces anyone. I spent so much of my life feeling shut out of girlhood, and even though most of the time I couldn’t decide if I even wanted to be let into girlhood (my feelings are still decidedly mixed!), that feeling of being shut out still kinda fucks you up inside, you know? I feel like I’ve made a lot of peace with that old pain and a lot of progress towards expanding my conception of what being a woman means (as emi koyama puts it in the transfeminist manifesto: there are as many ways of being a woman as there are women). but it makes sense that when you encounter new triggers for old pain it would take a while to kinda recalibrate and find your equilibrium again. right now I want to have a baby—ie I want to do this human thing that our culture associates (strongly, insistently, at times punitively) with “successful” womanhood. and I am so far failing repeatedly to have a baby! I am failing even with the help of medical interventions that are supposed to ramp up my ~insufficiently feminine~ body’s ability to do this thing that “women’s bodies” are supposed to be able to do without help. like, one million scare quotes around ALL of this—this isn’t what I believe in my head but it is the deeply ingrained cultural script that’s been drilled into my heart! so I think a lot of the heaviness I’m feeling around this whole thing is just like, the old pain, the old shame, the old buried humiliation of being witnessed in the act of wanting something I can’t have. and I may need to make a bit more space for myself to do some gentle and compassionate excavating of those ugly, shameful feelings so I can look at them in the light and say: yes, that’s a thought, but it isn’t mine. it never was. it came from somewhere else, a tiny little fragment of cultural shrapnel embedded in my heart. I may never be able to remove it completely but I don’t have to confuse it for part of me and I have the tools now to keep its slow poison from leaching into my blood. I am whole as I am. I am loved as I am; I love myself as I am. I can acknowledge the old bad feelings with compassion, but I don’t ever have to ever go back to that time in my life when I treated shame as the only or truest truth.

#IUI tag #long post #personal #girls I have been

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