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tarisilmarwen · 9 months

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Rebels Rewatch: "An Inside Man"

The beginning of my endless stressed paranoia about Thrawn, also obvious reveal is obvious.

I expect this recap to be pretty breezy, I've already liveblogged this episode once.

Hoo boy I cannot tell you the amount of tension there was before this episode. The TV adverts were packaging the footage from both this and "Visions And Voices" together in order to hype up the midseason closer, before the show went on break for the winter.

So you know, the hype was real.

Let's get into it.

[EDIT: Oh screw you, Tumblr, that was a whole forty minutes of work that you just ate, this is ridiculous.]

Right, so that's not subtle at all.

In addition to leaning heavily into the "Axis-occupied territory in WWII" aesthetic, the smog around Capital City is so much thicker, practically a new ozone layer, ammonia yellow in color. That is not sunset that is the city lights bouncing off the cloud of pollution wafting through their streets.

I haven't mentioned it before but Taylor Gray sometimes has this way of pronouncing the word "my" that gives Ezra just a little bit more of a "folksy" drawl, fitting for an Outer Rim farming planet. I do love how you can kind of "geolocate" where different characters come from by how they talk. High British or Imperial British accent? Core World. Southern American drawl? Outer Rim.

Now imagine Pryce with an accent like Ezra's and remember that every time she speaks she's totally faking her Core World accent. XD

Looks a bit like downtown LA, frankly. Minus the skyscrapers.

Yeah no, still love this shot Ezra pulls off while balancing precariously on the speeder engine. Such skill. Much badass.

The Kanan-Ezra tag team against the walker is great too.

Oh! Just noticed the non-fanfare titlecard has a bit of the dark male chorus from Thrawn's theme. Nice.

Something nice to note, the show does multiple chase sequences on this highway and none of them feel identical to each other. They're all uniquely staged.

I rewatched a couple times and the second speeder was actually taken out by debris from the first, bouncing forward and ricocheting off something.

Fitting right in with the WWII theme, internal saboteurs at the Imperial factories is very French Resistance. I honestly didn't expect to see the Sumars again so this was a pleasant surprise. Also a bit sad now, considering what happens.

*whispers* They paralleled Mr. Sumar's first conversation with Ezra.

This attack on Lothal's factories has been in the planning for a while now, since Season Two at least I think. Even though we were driven off Lothal, it's never been far from mind, and we've been constantly trying to get back there to liberate it. To Phoenix Cell and the Alliance it's a matter of strategy, of crippling or slowing down the Empire's war machine, but for the Spectres, for Ezra, it's personal, and it's been their focus from the very beginning. (Mostly. Ezra does get sidetracked with his obsession of personally destroying the Sith. More to meta ramble about that later when we get to "Twin Suns".)

Ha ha I remember when we all thought that the "new type of weapon" being referenced here was the Death Star. And personally, as I've said before, I still think Lothal was heavily involved in the Death Star's construction, that process was spread out across multiple Outer Rim worlds, resources and materials gathered from all over the place to keep it secret.

But once they introduced Thrawn they kind of had to give him a personal connection to Lothal, too. His rivalry with Hera wouldn't have cut it, that can play out anywhere, in any theater. (Hera's own stake in Lothal is also tenuous, generic, halfway between Ezra's personal drive and the Alliance's practical strategic considerations.) His being there at Pryce's bequest to help quell the Rebellion there offers no personal incentive outside of serving the Empire. But putting him in charge of the TIE Defender's development is perfect, in-character and easy to fit into what had already been established about Lothal, that it was a primary location where new TIEs were being produced.

Recall that Thrawn is not opposed to the Empire's tyrannical authoritarianism but he does think it's often ineffective. Advocating for the development of superior starfighters is right up his alley. If Thrawn had had his way or Palpatine had listened to him more, the resources, materials, and labor pooled into the showy but money-guzzling Death Star would have gone instead to bolstering the Empire's naval superiority, into better faster starfighters, more Inderdictors, and more capital ships like the Super Star Destroyers. Things to counteract the Alliance's flashbang hit and run tactics.

And the Rebellion probably would have lost.

So yeah, giving Thrawn a pet project specialized TIE fighter to be developed and constructed on Lothal was the perfect narrative decision.

...I went way off into the weeds there didn't l? Lol. Where was I?

Right, infiltrating the factory.

Love when Mr. Sumar asks Ezra if has any manufacturing experience and when he admits no, Ryder laughs and says he'll fit right in. Commie-style forced labor gang-pressing yaaaaaay!

Once again, the imagery is very deliberate and not at all subtle.

Ezra grew up on Lothal and he doesn't know who Pryce is on sight. This bitch been shirking her planetary governing duties for literal years, busy trying to be "hip and in with the cool kids" as it were, the perfect Imperial suck-up and sycophant.

A large part of Thrawn's effectiveness as a villain in Rebels is that you never quite know just how much he knows at any given time. Was his coming to the factories to inspect them just an unlucky coincidence or did he know Kanan and Ezra were going to be there? Is he just Dangerously Genre Savvy? How does he keep turning up in places right when the Rebels have made their move? It stressed me the crap out when I was originally watching, gave me hella Paranoia Fuel, and made his presence in every scene just that much more uncomfortable.

Like right here, with this scene where they linger just long enough on Thrawn observing the disguised Ezra to make you nervous, and the feeling lingers even though he steps away, because you almost think he picks Sumar out of the line-up because Ezra's there, targeting him for execution (basically) in order to flush Ezra out.

Also, btw, love the menacing cellos that accompany Thrawn's footsteps into frame.

The absolute slow dread and dramatic irony of this whole scene. D: It just builds and builds and then explodes (literally and figuratively), Thrawn's theme coming in full strength to emphasize the horror of the moment.

See, Thrawn's not above Make An Example Of Them when he thinks it's effective. (See also having Rukh behead that one officer in Legends canon.)

Lyste, you really should start questioning when Imperial astromech droids act crazy randomly around you lol.

It's a smidge distractingly fortuitous that there's always a convenient Scout Trooper around for Ezra to steal the armor off of.

This scene between Pryce, Kallus, and Thrawn is like some kind soothing British ASMR, everyone's voices are just so calm and smooth.

Ooof, Thrawn's rare displays of emotion are always a big deal, I flinched just from this tiny flash of anger.

Something else effective about Thrawn's presence is just how much more competent other Imperials start acting when he's around. Not officers like Lyste or Konstantine but the low-level grunts always seem more keen to cop on to things, just a bit smarter and more ruthless, when Thrawn's in an episode, like he brings them up to more rigorous standards of performance just by being there.

Probably why Pryce immediately falls apart and makes stupid impulsive decisions as soon as he's more than thirty feet away from her lol.

So there's Sabine's wall graffiti, already pulled off the building, I think that painting is from TCW, there's Ezra cadet picture, the mosaic from the Syndulla house, and a bunch of ancient Loth-cave scribblings.

I suspect Thrawn grabbed the retaining wall for the starbird (incidentally getting the Loth-cat drawing he'd later use to identify Sabine's work on Ezra's helmet in "Through Imperial Eyes"), and the cave paintings, obviously, because ancient Lothal culture.

Once again, Thrawn's deductions are razor sharp, but not OP. He's noticed the Phoenix cell has a particular attachment to Lothal, thus they will inevitably try to return to it.

Slowed down and replayed Kallus revealing himself a couple times just to look at this fight, Kanan starts by elbowing Kallus straight in the collar. Kallus reflexively throws a punch which gets pushed aside by Ezra. Kallus almost kitten bats the two of them before Kanan pins him to the wall.

Still LOVE how utterly flabbergasted Kanan and Ezra are at the reveal and how much grief they continue to give him after it lol.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: Kallus gives his very slight double-take at Kanan when Kanan pulls off his helmet, like he's surprised to see the scarring across his eyes.

Living for how much Ezra just casually bullies Kallus here. <3

"Or perhaps... an expected one." Lol nope, I can safely assure you, Thrawn, they did NOT expect Kallus to be Fulcrum.

Case in point about Thrawn's mere presence making everyone else more competent, the AT-AT pilots immediately question the AT-DP's presence.

This was really clever, having Ezra drive the chicken walker behind the AT-AT and use it for cover. I may have mentioned but it bears repeating.

MONEY SHOT.

Back when the show was airing and people were speculating about eventual defeats for Thrawn I think I was one of the very small number of people rooting for Marida Sumar to get to shoot him in the face.

Still want that AU.

TIE Defenders be no joke, people. They are fast, agile, shielded, and they have hyperdrives. They would have shredded the best the Alliance had.

Still love Zeb's chagrined grimace in the background there.

Ngl, once again, the ambiguity of "Just how much does Thrawn know?" is scarily effective. Thrawn's addressing Kallus seems deliberately calculated, like he's making some kind of subtle threat.

And whew!

After the shaky quality of the last episode this return to form is quite a relief. The tension is tightly wound and palpable throughout, and there's a genuine sense of danger. Thrawn is placidly competent. We suffer an actual loss. Everything is pretty much excellent this episode, even without the benefit of seeing Kallus's turn we believe it.

Love rewatching this one. <3

#star wars #star wars rebels #ezra bridger #agent kallus #grand admiral thrawn #rebels rewatch #liveblog

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wangxianficfinder · 2 years

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Fic Finder

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1. sorryi send a fic find request on the other blog!!!! please ignore that one!!! i am looking for a fic that wwx was never taken by jfm! he grows up on the street and ends up adopting many street children!! i think is a no war au!!! lwj meets wwx and the kids in a inn on a very rainy day!!! a yuan is one of the toddles and there are twins that don’t speak because of trauma. i think it was also a case fic because people went missing if they get inside a forest!!! thank you very much sorry for the wrong ask @yourefinallysafefromshialabeouf

FOUND? ❤️ Seen and not heard by eatmyass (E, 51k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Case Fic, No Sunshot Campaign AU, Kid Fic, dadxian, Strangers to Lovers, Found Family, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Time, Mojo's bookmark)

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2. Hello! Im looking for a fic where JYL called WWX and invited him to the engagement party i think. In the second call LWJ answered it and told that WWX was bathing their som. She didn’t know WWX was married much less hv a son! Can u help me find it?? Oh and I remember the Jiang parents were alive

FOUND! Me and my husband (we are doing better) by like_a_bird_that_flew (G, 5K, WangXian, Modern AU, JYL POV, Family Feels, Coming out, Light angst, Relationship Reveal, Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Established Relationship, Toddler A-Yuan)

SIMILAR! should i fly to los angeles (find my asshole brother) by belovedmuerto (T, 7k, WangXian, Modern AU, JC POV, Reunion fic of sorts, Southern California, Relationship Reveal, Established Relationship, Toddler A-Yuan) (If you liked the above fic, you might like this one too ^^ ~ Mod C)

MORE SIMILAR RECS -

Other works by like_a_bird_that_flew fit this theme, esp “Unexpected invites.” See also h0peless-oblivion, which has some similar fics. “A Sequence of Coming Outs,” by kippalittlefox, “Found Family” by fyredancer & “Love Me Just A Little” by mostlynonsense (travelingpsycho) might also be good for fans of “Me and my husband” & “should i fly to los angeles”

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3. I was hoping you could help me find a time travel fic. I don't remember much but it was LWJ wanting to marry WWX but he refuses. I think it's bc he doesn't want to marry before JC. Thank you for your help

FOUND? Come Back to Me by s6115 (M, 8k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time travel Fix-It, implied soulmates)

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4. Hi! Thank you for all your hard work! I'm looking for a fic where wwx runs away (i think that he ran bc he took on JC's money debt but im not sure) and lwj finds him after accidentally walking into his restaurant. I remember a scene where sl comes into the restaurant and over a meal tells wwx about how hes looking for xxc and wanting to apologize to him and then sometime later xxc comes to the restaurant and that message gets passed on. theres also yummeng trio reunite and tears and soup! TY!!!

FOUND? This one sounds like 不晚 | a lovely light by seagaze (T, 62k, wangxian, modern, midnight diner au, slice of life, angst, fluff, happy ending)

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5. Hello mods! I was hoping you all could help me find a fic. It was definitely foxxian. I think it was an arranged marriage, but WWX marries into the Lan clan and is unhappy with it so he basically stays in his fox form all the time and screams constantly. That’s all I’ve got 🥲 I haven’t been able to find it myself so I turn to you 🙇‍♂️

FOUND? 💖 All According to Plan by cerbykerby (M, 2k, wangxian, fluff & humor, arranged marriage, fox WWX, dragon LWJ)

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6. Heyyy I've been looking for a fic where wwx was found by lwj after golden core transfer and was able to stop wwx from falling into the burial mounds but lwj nowknows about the coreless condition of wwx but jc so something happens which leads to wwx and jc to fight in the woods and jc lashes out with zidian and hits wwx on the chest and crashes on the tree and goes unconscious(oh! and hiz heart stops) lwj finds him and gove him spiritual energy. Thank you

FOUND! these colours fade for you only by @wei--wuxian (doodlebutt) (T, 36k, wangxian, fix-it, fluff & angst, happy ending, WWX gets a new core, hurt/comfort, slow burn, pining, canon-typical violence & gore)

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7. hi!! i’m looking for the fic where mo xuanyu drops baby ayuan at wangxian’s doorsteps. I think he was a addict and also lwj and wwx were living together but not dating in the beginning. thanks!! <3

FOUND! so take my hand (take my whole life too) by cicer (E, 92k, WangXian, Modern AU, Idiots in love, Accidental baby acquisition, Mention of Drug abuse, Mention of minor Character Death)

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8. Good evening, Mods! I was just wondering if there were any fics you know of that involve Wangxian hiding their pregnancy from LQR (specifically LQR but not from anyone else), who finds out only after the baby is born and is hurt to realize that they didn't trust him with their growing family? I feel like I've read something similar before but for the life of me, I can't seem to find it. @alovelyocean

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9. Dear wangxianficfinder. I am in need of your help with a fic. I'm trying to find a specific post-canon fanfic where in the story itself and the summary, when Wei Wuxian asks if LWJ wants him to come to Gusu, LWJ instead says take me with you. Could you all please help me find it. I tried the tag and couldn't find it. @kaitou-cure-prism12

FOUND! Out of the darkness, into the day by ilip13 (E, 39k, wangxian, post-canon, getting together, hurt/comfort, slow burn, sharing a bed, intimacy, kissing, healing, tenderness, first time, smut)

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10. Do you know the fic where A) wwx time travels (? I think?) (and loses his memory) and lands in wen ruohans garden? B) And another one where wwx is the 3 young master wen? Thank you :D

10A)

FOUND? Grave of a Living God by Gotcocomilk (T, 35k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time travel, Fix-It, Angst with a happy ending)

10B)

FOUND? The Third Young Master of the Qishan Wen by KouriArashi (T, 138k, WangXian, Canon Divergence,Hurt/comfort, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending)

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11. Er, what’s the time travel fic where Wei Wuxian starts avoiding Lan Wangji because he can’t stand to be around someone so close but not actually his husband? It’s from Jiang Cheng’s POV, and it ends with Lan Wangji barging into their room, tripping Wei Wuxian into his lap, and after some intense eye contact, Wei Wuxian declares their going to marry. (Turns out, Lan Wangji came back too. In the authors note, Wei Wuxian is saying they need a wedding date or premarital sex is going to happen.)

FOUND! rerun from the outside by Eicas (T, 2k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time travel, Crack, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, JC POV)

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12. hello can i ask for help i have been trying to find this for weeks now. its a wangxian fic about wj keeps visiting the burial, slowly replacing his money in like a vault with rocks. and once he got enough he suddenly vanish. pov with xc how the pet vanished nie hui sneaked them away. one day xc, qiren and elders saw wj with wx yiling selling wx inventions. also kids where doing wj hair and it was like a rule in lan to not be vain(?) also in end xc asked for bunny as conpensate and the end thx

FOUND? Might this one be Unpack Your Heart by Terri Botta (Isilwath) (T, 22k, wangxian, 1st in series, canon divergenec, romance, everyone lives au, LWJ stays at Burial Mounds, not lan elder friendly)

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13. hi, do you know about a fic where lan qiren decided to act as a good father figure for the two jades and gives advice to the disciples, i lost the fic, and its killing me

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14. Houhoi! I love what you all are doing for us unfortunate souls who lost our ficlists! I'm looking for a fic where wwx was is an actor and helped mianmian get away from a party after she was drugged. Everybody was oissed at him bc they thought he drugged her. He starts working at lwj law firm to get ready for a new roll and tjey get together. Thank you in advance. @follyfallenflapdragon

FOUND? Make It Count by wearing_tearing (E, 46k, WangXian, Modern AU, Actor WWX, Lawyer LWJ, Secretary WWX, Light angst, Date Rape Drugs/Roofies, Attempted sexual assault, Reconciliation)

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15. Hello mods! Wonderfull job you guys are doing😁. This might be for both fic finder and i am in the mood for lists. I just read the story Book Cover (Mojo's Post) that was suggested by wangxianficrecs and it Made me remember this one fic. Its a wangxian fic after the time skip during the events at mo manor, WY gets ressurected as a women. The thing Is that this women Is very plain and a i think overweight??? and everybody else in her family Is really pretty. Anyway i just remember this scene in which WY sees LWJ in the street AND then runs to hide behind him because of a dog and then they go WY bodies family and LWJ says he Is going to marry her AND takes WY to CR with him. Please i Will really like to find this story and see if any of you knows any stories un which WY comes back as a plain girl. Thank you so much! @animlvr04

FOUND! Beauty and the Boot by PTchan (T, 44k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WWX is summoned by a girl, Genderbending, Romantic Comedy, Crack-ish)

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16. Hi, hope y'all are doing great!

For the next fic finder, I'm afraid it's super vague but it's all I remember since it's been so long since I read it.

WangXian might've been background, part or all of it was possibly from LQR's pov, and NMJ was courting LXC with sweets and he was getting a little chubby and I remember LQR being like they needed to hurry up and get married. WangXian were there, but I can't remember exactly what they were up to.

FOUND! sentimental education by everythingispoetry (G, 5k, cloud recesses study arc, everyone lives au, fluff, humor, matchmaking, crack)

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17. Hi! Hope mods are doing great! ^.^ I have a weird request, because I need to find a fic, but also ask for others with a similar theme (nice, but will make you cry). It was a modern au, and kind of in the suburbs. I think the Lans are new, and lwj meets troublemaker wwx, but doesn't know how to get close. There's a fire in the Jin house, everyone except jgy and, I think jzx die and blame wwx. I also remember lwj and wq go to uni together, and they usually meet at the library. Pls help me.

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18. Hi! I’m trying to look for a fic where Lan Zhan was planning a proposal but he became a bit distant toward Wei Ying because he was scared of him finding out. Meanwhile, Wei Ying is worried out of his mind because he thinks Lan Zhan is breaking up with him.

FOUND? Don't Leave Me by TrippinOnSkies (E, 19k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Angst with a happy ending, Misunderstandings, Fluff, Marriage Proposal)

SIMILAR! the right to choose by wqngji (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Misunderstandings, Light Angst, Happy ending, Fluff, attempt at humor, Established Relationship, Crack treated seriously)

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19. Hello all, i hope everyone is doing fine. I am so happy we’re all still here 💚💚💚 i don’t know what i’d do without y’all. So i am looking for a fic. Although I’ve never read it 🤦🤦 i know it’s a fix it fic where jin zixuan kinda abdicates to move into lotus pier with his wife. He talks to meng yao and he’s like you are a much better leader than i’ll ever be brother. Meng yao is super touched and actually stops all his evil doing. And they all live happily ever after. I THINK. Since i never read this, it might actually be like just something i saw posted on tumblr and not an actual fic 🤷🤷 i hope it is tho. Much love 💚💚💚

FOUND? could be scorpion, before the frog by Stratisphyre (T, 59k, LXC & JGY & NMJ, JGY & WWX, JZX & JGY, JYL/JZX, wangxian, Dragons, Found Family, Pre-Relationship, Mutual Pining, Canon-Typical Violence, Parental Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, warning for JGS behaving exactly as expected, sometimes a redemption arc is just dragons and kids and found families, allusions to noncon because of JGS, derogatory references to sex work, suicidal ideation and attempt) but I think it only partially fits?

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20. I think this is an older fic as I haven't been able to find it anywhere! Part of that is my fault because I cannot remember what kind of creature wwx was in this fic! All I remember is that he was trying to have a child and ended up finding lwj who remembered him but wwx doesn't have any memories or has very few?

FOUND! Baby, Take a Chance on Me by Anonymous? (E, 28k, WIP, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mpreg, Reincarnation, Happy ending, Incubus/Succubus AU, Identity Porn, Explicit Sex)

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#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

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tomorrowxtogether · 2 years

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SOOBIN: “Seeing MOA, I felt more assured about myself and more determined”

TOMORROW X TOGETHER ‘minisode 2: Thursday’s Child’ comeback interview

2022.05.20

SOOBIN spoke in an even, measured tone, using the word “determination,” at times, to describe the way he sings, dances, practices, performs and even his relationship with MOA. At all times, a deep passion underpins the calm he exudes—like when he said/says he’s “placing great emphasis on trying new things” for the latest promotions.

Your pet hedgehog, Odi, recently celebrated his first birthday. How are things with you two?

SOOBIN:

I tried to give him different kinds of snacks for a change of pace but he won’t eat anything other than mealworms. I’m just going to give him mealworms like always. (laughs) When I look at YouTubers, their hedgehogs are so gentle and are okay when you pet them, but Odi doesn’t really like people unless they give him mealworms. (laughs) But now he comes out from his shelter sometimes and doesn’t run away when I turn on the lights. He doesn’t like when you touch his back, but he’s okay with his stomach, so I pet his belly like this. I love how warm and soft it feels.

Has living with Odi had an impact on your everyday life?

SOOBIN:

Before I got Odi, every day was exactly the same: practice, go home, sleep. I even always saw the same people, so the days were becoming boring. Having Odi has given me a lot I have to do, and after I come home I watch him and play with his feet before going to bed, which has become a daily routine. I’m just grateful and happy he’s there waiting for me. I have a lot more small things to be happy about.

Other than Odi, what other simple pleasures have you found recently? For example, it seemed like you were into console gaming and anime.

SOOBIN:

I don’t game lately, but I do watch anime. I just watched one recently, in fact, so I’ve been talking with HUENINGKAI nonstop for two days about it. When you watch anime, you need someone who can share your feelings. I think I can talk about it a lot thanks to Huening. Actually, whenever I recommend something to him, he says he’s already seen it all. (laughs)

How did you get into anime?

SOOBIN:

There was an anime I watched in grade school when my friend recommended it to me. I didn’t watch any more anime after that, but I started thinking about the show again out of the blue after I debuted. I remembered I liked it, so I started it again from the beginning and then happened to watch some other shows and found out there’s all kinds of good ones. I used to watch a lot of emotional animes with beautiful art styles and stories I could get invested in, but these days I also watch a lot of action-packed ones.

You keep sharing interests like that and others with MOA. You also did a V LIVE titled “SOOBIN’s Inside KPOP” back in January.

SOOBIN:

I was just going to go on V LIVE, turn on some music and talk, but I loved the second and third generations of K-pop so I couldn’t hold back and ended up singing and dancing along. The fans said that, if that’s what I’m going to do anyway, I may as well do a K-pop V LIVE, which is how I ended up doing that video. I had so much fun watching other singers rehearse and put on live performances when I hosted Music Bank. I felt blessed. Because I ended up doing what I love as a job, I mean.

You hosted Music Bank for over a year. Did that have an effect on your own performances as well?

SOOBIN:

When we were on hiatus and I would see performances like that, I kept thinking how I wanted to put my heart and soul into a performance like that, too. There were so many really talented people so I learned a lot about performing. When we were working on the comeback, I didn’t have a sense for what kind of concept we should have, so I watched some performances from other artists of our generation.

This is your first album about a breakup. Were there any places in particular where you focused your effort on how you expressed your emotions?

SOOBIN:

I think “Opening Sequence” was fine since I’ve sung a lot of sad songs with themes similar to breakups. “Thursday’s Child Has Far To Go” is an upbeat song, but I thought that, within that, there should be some sadness. I was actually sensitive about my voice since I thought it doesn’t convey excitement very well. But I think my voice was actually a good match for the feeling of the song.

The first song, “Opening Sequence,” opens with your vocals.

SOOBIN:

I felt like that opening line was the highlight of the song when I heard the demo, but they gave that part to me. I told them, “I think you gave me the wrong part. I don’t know if I can pull this off.” But the producer was firm with the decision, saying, “We gave it to you because we thought you’re the right one for the part, so just try to be confident.” I worked hard on the recording since I got the part. (laughs)

And your voice sounds stronger in “Good Boy Gone Bad” than ever before.

SOOBIN:

When I first heard “Good Boy Gone Bad,” I said, “Wow, I’m doomed.” (laughs) This is awkward to say myself (laughs) but I have a reasonably kind-looking face (laughs) and I’ve never yelled at anyone in my life. I thought it was going to be a big issue. And “Trust Fund Baby” was the hardest song I’ve ever done. When I sang the whole thing through, most of the parts were easy to get through, but I got stuck on the part that goes, “I can’t be a lover,” and felt like the part wasn’t for me but the part eventually went to me anyway. I have a love-hate relationship with the song since it was so tough for me. But now I’m good at performing it live and got a lot better.

You mentioned before that you’re working to improve the high end of your vocal range. Do you think it’s a result of all that practice?SOOBIN: My vocal range has actually improved a lot. I had to really give it my all singing our songs and my vocals were unstable, but now it’s so incredibly easy I can’t believe it. So I could’ve sung in falsetto for this album, but I felt ambitious and told the producer I wanted to sing in my normal voice. I ended up using falsetto anyway, but I think I’m getting past that limitation.

Is there anything else you experimented with on the album that might not be immediately obvious?

SOOBIN:

The A&R team said, “We want to get some lyrics from you. You give us unique lyrics that nobody else writes.” When I’m given a topic, I write out a whole story with the speaker in mind, then extract any parts I think would make good lyrics and put those in. I liked writing novels and other things for fun in elementary school and even as late as middle school, so it wasn’t unfamiliar to me. I wasn’t writing it because I felt like I had to get some lyrics in this time; I just had fun writing about whatever I wanted, since there were topics I would want to write about anyway.

Which topics did you find particularly interesting?

SOOBIN: I thought the theme of “Opening Sequence” was uncommon, which was like a movie played in reverse like a series of flashbacks so the last scene becomes the opening sequence. Since it’s a boy who’s shocked by the experience of his first breakup, I thought memories flashing before his eyes would be a good way to express it. The other songs I wrote when the deadlines were right around the corner, but this one came to me quickly.

It seems like you tried a lot of new and different things. The choreography was once again impressively intense. What was it like practicing for it?

SOOBIN: I like and am good at dances that require a lot of energy and have big movement. But “Good Boy Gone Bad” was hard for me at first because the moves aren’t big, you have to be relaxed, and a lot of it was completely different from what I’m most confident doing. “Opening Sequence” isn’t like the K-pop dancing I’ve always done; it’s more like contemporary dance, constantly flowing and with lots of parts where we stretch out our arms and legs. Two days in and I still didn’t have it memorized and it felt like my limbs were rejecting it. It really threw me for a loop while learning it, but now I feel like I learned some new moves, which is fun.

How did you overcome those difficulties?

SOOBIN: It wasn’t anything special, just blind hard work. Mindlessly so. As for the facial expressions, they were the opposite of what I’m confident doing—for example, bright, smiley expressions, so it made me feel less confident and my self-esteem dropped. But I changed my mind by thinking that, if I could pull off such a punishingly difficult concept, then I would have the ability to pull off anything after that. I figured it could lead to either a slump or to a turning point, so I decided to use the album as a chance to change myself.

Did changing your mindset also bring about some change in you?

SOOBIN: I changed my mindset right before we shot the music video, actually. I had no chance to improve if I was half given up and I would have regretted it if we filmed it while I was in that state. It’s better to work hard and then have regrets than to regret giving up. I think I felt a sense of urgency because this important task was right in front of me. During the shoot I kept going into the bathroom to practice my facial expressions and gestures. The staff stood up and clapped and said, “He’s like somebody else entirely.” That’s when I realized it might be an opportunity to grow and I felt more confident. If that kind of success carries over into the promotions, I think I could grow a lot.

I’m really excited to see that music video.

SOOBIN: I don’t know which takes they’ll end up using, but I saw a side of me even I didn’t know about when reviewing the footage: I’m kind of sexy there. I didn’t know I had it in me. (laughs) I just hope the director only uses the good takes.

I can feel that you always put the effort in and constantly challenge yourself.

SOOBIN: What’s contradictory about me is that, even if I’m bored and struggling with something repetitive, sometimes I’m too scared and worried to take on a new challenge. Even when it comes to ice cream, I don’t try any new flavors, just eat the ones I know I like, you know? When I was trying to embrace these things I wasn’t familiar with, I could feel my body rejecting them. I tried really hard to convey them properly, telling myself that I can do it, and now I’m determined—determined to turn any crisis into an opportunity.

Where do you find the motivation to keep improving yourself like that? It must be pretty tiring.

SOOBIN: I think I’m more the kind of person who looks for and enjoys the little things than who hopes for something big to make me happy. It’s nothing big, but I like watching Odi when I get home, and then when I’m done with the day, have a bite of hwachae or bingsu. I feel great after that. I think I recognize and enjoy things that others would just pass over. I think that positive thinking is what keeps me going.

Back in September, you wrote, “I’ve been trying to figure myself out ever since The Chaos Chapter,” on Weverse. Do you think that positive thinking has an effect?

SOOBIN: My personality made it so that my life mostly revolved around other people. The other members kept telling me, “You should prioritize taking care of yourself,” but I just said, “What do you mean? I’m taking good care of myself,” and moved on. And then, for no particular reason at all, I found myself only paying attention to other people. I guess I wasn’t treating myself right, and I think I started living a more self-centric life starting with The Chaos Chapter.

How is a SOOBIN-centric life different from before?

SOOBIN: This might sound mean (laughs) but I started to pursue the things I wanted to do more and lightened up on the things I used to do out of obligation. In the past, I would wear myself out trying to play the leader role, but I think it’s okay now since I lessened that load. The other members do just fine on their own and they do a lot to help me out, too, as a leader.

Maybe that’s why you look so at ease in TO DO. You looked content even when the other members were playing pranks on you. (laughs)SOOBIN: I don’t really have much of a reaction when the others make fun of me or pull pranks when we’re off camera. I was sort of determined to show something—anything—when we first debuted. I tried to give a reaction each and every time they made a joke and I tried to break the silence when it happened. I was trying to be more excited than normal and went a little overboard with my expressions, but I guess what you see now is the real me.

Have you found any advantages to sticking to the real you?

SOOBIN: Some idols sometimes struggle with the fact that the way they conduct themselves in front of the camera isn’t their usual self. But I can say this 200% in all honesty: MOA can be rest assured that what they see of me on V LIVE is exactly the way I am in everyday life. I love that there’s no divide between the person Choi Soobin and the idol Choi Soobin.

I guess there’s no division between the person Choi Soobin and idol Choi Soobin because you want MOA to see you exactly the way you are.

SOOBIN: MOA can see me with nice hair and makeup on stage or on TV anytime, but I have to wait until another time to tell them about the things I’m interested in and the way I feel inside. It’s fun to give MOA a look at parts of me I think they would like. I think it’s a meaningful act to talk about myself to the people who like me. I want to open up about almost every part of me like a friend would.

And you finally got to see your cherished fans at the fanlive event.

SOOBIN: I was really excited to see them after so long. It was fun. Doing those performances that were meant for MOA but ended up only being a camera and no MOA at all discouraged me a little bit from feeling like I should work hard to entertain anyone. Once I saw MOA, I felt more assured about myself and more determined.

That reminds me of what you said there: “We’re only special because MOA are there for us.

”SOOBIN: As you know, I cried at the fanlive. I welled up when I saw a fan in front of me crying, but I fought it back. But there was something I kept thinking over and over: Why was that fan crying? What exactly does being in concert with us mean to them that would bring them to tears? That meant that we’re receiving so much love, love that even makes them cry. I was feeling so emotional and grateful and finally I was just so touched that I started to cry.

You must be looking forward to promoting since the situation is getting better now, ahead of your album release. How are you feeling right now?

SOOBIN: It was certainly a long time between comebacks. I really feel like this album is totally different—an adventure and something brand new that TOMORROW X TOGETHER has never tried before. That’s a worry for me, but I hope MOA will welcome it, like it and enjoy it. They’ve certainly waited long enough. And I hope I make it through and grow, and rise above? (laughs)

#txt #tomorrow x together #220520 #article #weverse magazine #soobin #choi soobin #minisode 2 Thursday's Child

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nonbinaryaubrey · 2 years

Note

Also, because I genuinely want to hear more about it, what's the Revived Mari AU? You've talked about it before and it seems very interesting, but I don't think you've given a proper summary before. I mean, I talked to you about my AUs for days in your ask box, that makes it fair game for you to talk about AUs to me. -🎀

OKAYYYY.. revived mari revived mari. i dont know entireellyyy?? how to summarize it <- theres a lot going on and also i tend to be a bit indecisive so i kinda change things around sometimes. i can answer any other questions you have thoo!!

anyways uhh. basic plot rundown. forgive me for poor wording i kinda struggle to explain this stuff </3. After Mari's death and her being a ghost for a short while, she ends up inside Sunny's headspace, taking the form of headspace Mari.. For awhile being there is actually,, very nice for her. Of course it would be to her, especially at this point.. Its a world where shes alive. Where she still has her friends. Where she feels... a lot less angry and upset. She isnt sure how to feel about.. her brother here. Omori.. silent and near emotionless. It doesn't feel right but when shes here she cant exactly figure out why. But she can easily disregard it for now. This place is nice and shes happy here.!

But,, then headspace resets. She doesnt exactly,, remember it. or what happened before it but. she can kind of tell something is wrong. things feel like theyre repeating. it feels off and. she wants to leave. and she does,,, but. not for long. shes quickly drawn back to headspace.. (<- made up ghost lore stuff. ghosts easily get attached to certain things, such as buildings, people, etc. they can go away from these technically but will always end up being drawn back). Mari cannot leave Headspace pretty much,, even less so the longer she stays there. Things quickly go down hill from there. which is explained in this post but tldr: with each Headspace reset Mari loses a piece of herself and her memories in the process.

Things continue like this for the next 4 years up until Sunny begins going outside again. I think him doing that and him repressing some of his memories a bit less also helps Mari regain some of her memories too. which allows the scene at the dreamworld ocean and the scene at her piano to happen.. though when she really gets all her memories back is first when the black light bulb gets broken and Sunny goes through the truth sequence + when Sunny goes through Memory Lane... She performs the Final Duet with him and watches him leave Whitespace behind before her vision and consciousness fade away. She is happy and shes ready to pass on.

Thats until... she wakes up some time later (a couplee months id say? maybe during christmas break.), in the middle of the night and shes seemingly broken out of her own coffin. Its the most alive she's felt in years, its feels nothing like Headspace. But she feels as if this has to be a dream, another version of Headspace perhaps? One thats more like the real world Faraway town now. But either way she.. kind of has no idea what to do with herself, she no longer has a script to follow like she did in Headspace. Which I imagine is,, quite the sudden change after 4 years. She ends up just kind of wandering for a bit after leaving out the church, eventually finding herself at the old hangout spot (and.. accidentally scaring off Angel and The Maverick, who had decided to sneak out there. idk to be rebellious or what ever <- kind of a joke idea i came up with ig) She sits down at the abandoned picnic blanket and falls asleep there. <- thats kiinda where she hangs out for a little bit. Up until a small black cat runs in and quickly goes over to her, its purple collar having the name Mewo on it, soon followed by 2 younger boys, Sunny and Basil. She immediately stops at the sight of them, and they do the same. The 3 of them are all kind of stunned, but Basil and Sunny almost immediately run off as soon as Mari opens her mouth to say something.

^ ^ thiiiis is kind of where the stuff i have becomes very non-linear. i still have ideas and stuff but theyre more broken apart and inconsistent. but this is most of like the main plot/lore stuff thats important

I HOPE THIS ALL MAKES SENSEE!! heres a little mari for u if u read this all <33

#this is ok to rb btw <33 look at my revived Mari boy (throws her at you)#omori #mari omori #revived mari au #aubrey.txt #aubrey.png #okayy uhh.#unreality tw #<- TAGGING THAT TO BE CAREFUL. its barely mentioned in this post but it still is. its kind of a bigger thing with Mari in this au.#yknow. lasting consequences of being trapped in a dreamworld for 4 years and all that other stuff #asks #magical girl anon

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mercurygray · 2 years

Note

⭐, dealer's choice for TDS, please and thank you?

Time to Fess Up Take 2:

This sequence went through A LOT of revisions. This draft cut scene comes directly after Harry's evacuation. I was experimenting with how I could get both Dick and Joan to confess what was going on and decided to try Lewis and Joan. I don't remember exactly why I didn't keep this one - I think it comes off a) as a little too much Lewis/Joan and b) Lewis has far too much of his shit together in this scene, which isn't the headspace he's in during Bastogne and doesn't align with the character as set up previously. I do really like the emotional vulnerability here.

"Joan." She looked up at Lewis, her eyes vacant, lip trembling. Christ, this is bad. "Can you come with me? Want to talk something over with you."

Lewis lifted the tarp on his foxhole like he was holding the door open for dinner, and she slid inside, moving over in the hole so Lew could follow her, tucking the flap. It smelled of earth, of cold, of pine. And as soon as the flap was down, she broke, big, ugly, gashing sobs that half of Belgium could probably hear in the dark, and Lew gathered her up in his arms and simply held her, and let her cry. He could feel her tears hot on his cheeks, his jacket, the first warmth he’d felt all day. Even here, in the middle of winter, there was warmth in something, inside them. Oh, Joanie, how long’s this been in there? “Hey now. Hey.”

“It's my fault, Lew, I shouldn't have let him light that fire.”

“Joan, you couldn't have known.” It's no one's fault. It’s my fault. Hell, it’s Harry’s fault. “You know who really should be doing this, petting your hair and kissing tears off your cheeks.”

“It's not funny, Lew. We don’t have time for it.” She took a big, shivering sniffle. “If Harry's gone, he's got…Dike, Buck, and...me." She said 'if' like it were possible that Harry would come back from the aid station explaining it had been a splinter, easily fixed, right as rain again. They both knew that wasn't happening.

“So basically, he has you. He told me about your conversation the other day about Buck. Running yourself into the ground trying to save everyone else from themselves isn't going to do us any favors, either. Come here."

“You're laughing at me.”

“No, I'm laughing at myself," he said, rearranging his arm around her shoulders and rucking the blanket tighter around them. "About a month after you all - the girls - arrived, we were in the officers club one night shooting the shit and got around to talking about - well, you know. Dick wasn’t not having any of it, because that's who he is, and says, Lew, when it's really rough are you going to want Eileen or Joan in your foxhole? Now, Eileen is a beautiful woman, and the USO is lucky to have her, but between the two of you there's no one I'd rather be sat here with consoling.” “You want to bunk down here for the night? Sometimes we just need to be held, Joan.”

“They need me forward.”

“I'll send someone to tell them where you are - and if you utter one more complaint or excuse, woman, I'll tell them all you're in Dick's foxhole and you two looked mighty cozy.”

She sniffled, gave a weak laugh. “You wouldn't.”

“Oh, watch me. We can start another fire with Dick's blushes.”

"What did you tell Lip?"

"I told him Mom and Dad were fighting and you'd decided to run away to Dog Company."

"Lewis!"

"I told him you needed some rest and he could find you here if he needed you. He thanked me for getting you some sleep."

“We don't deserve Carwood Lipton.”

#director's commentary #the darkening sky

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bridgetserdocksketches · 3 years

Text

I shall add “fist bump” to my caregiving matrix

(More below the cut)

Kara blew out her powers. Again.

Sure, Lena’s seen her like this before. Well, she’s seen Supergirl like this before. Never Kara, though. Not that it changes much about her, in truth. She’s still Kara, obviously. But there’s a clumsiness to her that never was there before. And it’s irritatingly endearing.

“Lena,” She whines from the couch. “Is it almost done?”

Lena shakes her head with a laugh, her back still turned as she finishes mixing the hot chocolate. She tosses a curious gaze over her shoulder at the kryptonian draped carelessly over her couch. “How are you this impatient?”

Affronted, Kara sits up enough to look at her over the back of the couch. “I can move faster than a speeding bullet, remember?”

“Can you?” Lena muses. She grabs both mugs off the counter and walks over to the couch to join Kara.

“Yes,” Kara answers indignantly. As Lena approaches she sits up fully, crossing her arms with a little pout. “I literally exist at a different speed than everyone else. Everything moves slower for me.”

Lena simply arches a brow at her. “But you blew your powers out. You’re moving just as slow as the rest of us.”

Kara’s mouth hangs open. Her lips work around a few rebuttals that never get voiced. Then she pouts again. “Well, I’ve had a really rough day. Okay?”

With a roll of her eyes, Lena sits next to Kara and hands her her mug. “Just because you dropped your hot chocolate from Noonan’s and didn’t have the time to go back and get another, does not mean you had a rough day.”

Kara cradles the mug to her chest with a soft little pout. “You’ve clearly never had a Noonan’s hot chocolate.”

“Darling, I have. You’ve gotten it for me.”

“Because it’s amazing.”

“Mmhmm,” Lena hums. Her eyes track Kara’s movements as she lifts the steaming mug to her lips. And suddenly she remembers that the mug is full of scalding hot chocolate. Not hot enough to affect a fully powered kryptonian. A pouty, depowered kryptonian on the other hand… “Kara, be careful it’s still--”

“Ow!”

“Hot.”

Kara recoils from the mug, nearly spilling it on her lap and making things all that much worse. “Dang it. I burnt my tongue.”

“I tried to warn you,” Lena points out.

Just as Kara opens her mouth to try a rebuttal, or another whine, or another adorable little pout that effortlessly breaks down Lena’s walls every time, there’s the sound of three beeps in rapid succession. It catches both their attention and startles them enough that their playful little debate is forgotten entirely.

“Is that Baymax?” Kara asks, her head whipping around to the source of the sound.

Air hisses as the healthcare robot inflates in his charging pod. The clunky red box is tucked into one of the corners of the living room, currently plugged into the wall and Lena’s laptop.

“Why isn’t he in the nursery?” Kara asks.

“I was updating his code,” Lena explains.

Fully inflated, Baymax stands within his charging pod, now at his full height. His eyes blink twice, his boot up sequence finally complete. A full 19 seconds. They could still cut down on that. But they’re making progress.

Baymax’s head swivels to look at Kara. And then he steps out of the charging pod. Gingerly. Careful of each movement. But he still bumps into the coffee table that was barely a foot in front of his charging pod. Lena stifles a laugh and Kara snorts. Looking down at the table, Baymax shuffles to the right until he’s clear. And then continues walking towards Kara, who is just smiling so brilliantly and proudly. Like a parent watching their kid walk for the first time.

“Hello, Kara,” Baymax says. “I was alerted to the need for medical attention when you said ‘ow.’”

Kara beams up at him. “Well, that’s new.”

“I think it’s safe to say the new code is working,” Lena announces.

Kara chuckles. “You think?”

Baymax’s chest lights up with a pain chart. One of those cartoonish ones used to help children qualify and quantify their pain.

“On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?” Baymax asks.

“Hmm.” Kara drums her fingers on the arm of the couch. “I’d say about a 1.”

“I will scan you now.” Kara flashes Lena a grin, waggles her eyebrows, and winks. “Scan complete. You have a minor burn on your tongue. I suggest applying sugar to the burned area to alleviate the pain.”

Kara’s face lights up. “Sugar?”

Baymax produces a lollipop and holds it out to Kara. Her eyes bulge out of her head. Her gaze darting between Baymax, the lollipop, and Lena.

“You have been a good patient. Have a lollipop.”

With a smile so bright it rivals the sun, Kara plucks the lollipop out of his hand. She tears off the wrapper and plops it in her mouth. “I forgot he gave lollipops!” she exclaims around the candy.

Lena laughs. “It was your idea.”

Kara barely even reacts. “Thanks, Baymax!” She extends her fist to the robot. “Fist bump.”

Baymax blinks at her. His head tilts to the side. “Fist bump is not in my database.”

Kara shoots Lena an accusing glance, her hand dropping. “I thought you said you’d teach him how to fist bump.”

“You can teach him right now. His AI is designed to learn as he goes,” Lena says.

Kara’s jaw falls open. “Really?”

“Yes.”

Kara whips back around to Baymax. “Like this, Baymax,” she says.

She holds her hand up in front of him, her fingers curled back into a loose fist. The large, friend-shaped robot stares down at her fist. Blinks twice. And then mirrors her. With a broadening grin, she taps her fist to his.

Baymax blinks, and then lifts his head to meet her gaze. “What is the purpose of a fist bump?”

“It’s something people do sometimes when they’re excited or pumped up.”

Baymax stares at their connected fists for a few moments. Then pulls his own back and taps them together again.

“There you go! Now you’re getting it!” Kara beams.

Baymax drops his hand to his side. “I will add fist bump to my caregiving matrix.”

“Yes!” Kara exclaims.

“I cannot deactivate until you say you are satisfied with your care.”

“Well then, I am satisfied with my care!”

From the couch, they watch with beatific grins as Baymax blinks twice, the auditory input processing. And then he turns around. Waddles on over to his charging pod. Steps inside. And deflates.

“Wow,” Kara breathes. “He’s really come a long way.”

“We’re almost there,” Lena agrees. “We just have to cut down on the timing for the inflation, and fine tune a bit more coding. But he’s almost finished.”

Kara’s head lolls to the side to grin at Lena. “You’re gonna be able to help a lot of people with him.”

“I hope so,” Lena says.

“You will. I know it.”

Lena feels her cheeks burning a little. The praise that comes so easily to Kara is still so strange to Lena. She’s growing used to it. Has been growing used to it over the years. But every now and again, it still shocks her. So instead of responding directly, she just smiles shyly, and takes a sip of her steaming tea.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Kara lifting the mug to her lips again.

“Kara, it’s still--”

“Ouch!”

“Hot.”

#so it's been a minute #but i haven't forgotten about this #i've written and rewritten an outline i think 6 times now #and also a bunch of random fluff like this that may or may not make it in the final product #so enjoy some fluff while it's still hot #supergirl #supercorp #big hero 6 #bh6 #bh6 au #kara danvers #kara zor el #baymax #my art

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wellntruly · 2 years

Text

I rank all the movies I've watched from 2021 (40)

It’s that time again!! i.e. sneaking in just before Hollywood’s Biggest Night 🎩 (lol)

Title links go to my original spoiler-free Letterboxd reviews, followed by another link if I also wrote a longer piece (I always note if there will be spoilers in those, if there is no note you’re good!)

No building up this time we’re just starting at the top:

1. The Souvenir: Part II

When I walked out of the theater after seeing this I felt so fucking alive. [Full review]

2. The Power of the Dog

What I want to holler here I can’t holler for spoilers. Love that in a movie!!! Anyway the phrase that has gotten others to watch it: queer western gothic. [Full review]

3. The Green Knight

Sexiest movie of the year a meditation on death, feels good feels right. Revisionist medievalism re-edited over a pandemic to be longer and mistier. Daniel Hart’s score my most-listened-to album of 2021. The cloak is gold. Catch me on a certain day and this might be my #1. [Full review]

4. Drive My Car (ドライブ・マイ・カー)

Tender! [Full review]

5. Bo Burnham: Inside

Film of the year actually though [Full review]

6. Bergman Island

Interestingly given my love for it, I haven’t really recommended this yet to anyone. Watching Mia Wasikowska dance by herself is something that can actually be so personal..?

7. Pig

We’ll get to it if I post my nominations but Alex Wolff best supporting actor. [Full review]

8. Spencer

Sad girl Christmas! We love a daymare. Crafts exquisite, Kristen also exquisite. Weirder even than I hoped. [Full review]

9. The Matrix Resurrections

Haha go Lana, GO Lana! Wild this movie exists. Matrix Winter was such a time. [Full review]

10. Annette

The thing is this is boldest cinematic imagining I saw all year. I saw nothing else like this. Does all of it work? No! Is anyone else doing half of this? Noooooooo. And for good reason! But thank god Leos Carax will! Simon Helberg also best supporting actor. Why was Marion Cotillard eating so many apples… Fuck! Annette! Remember when Baby Annette!!?!

11. Azor

The Martin Eden prize for stylish, little-seen international feature that I keep bugging people about. “Did you guys see Azor though?” “What?”

12. Dune

If you go to my Letterboxd post you’ll see I only gave this movie 3.5 stars, but I already know it’s raising to 4 when I rewatch it, just on the power of vibes. Now that’s desert power. (God it’s so silly though!) (We can admit that a little bit right?) (Denis??) (Denis can’t hear me over his Rice Krispies sand)

13. Passing

First Harold of a very Harold year, babyyyy! Truly though I read the novella after and this was such an assured adaptation.

14. The French Dispatch

Bananas to say this but people are really undervaluing Wes Anderson, one of our greatest directors. Do you know that only one of his films has ever even been nominated for any crafts categories at the Oscars? Meanwhile no one is doing the work quite like him. And the first and third acts and especially interstitial of this are remarkable.

15. Flee (Flugt)

Sometimes the year's wrenching Afghan refugee story also includes a dance sequence to a-ha's 'Take On Me' five minutes in. Something something humanity, basically.

16. The Tragedy of Macbeth

The stars are lights on a velvet sky!! Honestly the fact that I hold this so high (such as higher than the next one!) is really a testament to how far design elements will get you with me.

17. The Worst Person In the World (Verdens verste menneske)

I did like it but! is it weird she doesn’t have a single female friend? Or…any friend? Renate and Anders very good though. Oslo looks like, restful.

18. A Hero (قهرمان)

I saw a picture of this actor later and I didn’t believe it. Performance!

19. Shiva Baby

I have never wanted to watch someone eat a bagel more. I lived vicariously through every bite of that bagel. Why am I so bagel deprived, shit. Is it because I left New York. Anyway Uncut Gems found in the back of the van under all of Joel’s boxes.

20. Parallel Mothers (Madres paralelas)

I just need to impress on you that in this film Penélope Cruz makes a tortilla española. Wow my top twenty is ending very hungry. (And wlw) (Harold look alive!)

And now the also-rans!

Musicals Corner

West Side Story Cyrano Tick, Tick…BOOM!

I gave all three of these 3.5 stars and they all landed back-to-back and that was not intentional but is: kinda funny. Interestingly I don’t think any of these three directors would begrudge me this. They wouldn’t, would they? They’d all be like aw thanks for the good company, I liked what those guys were doing too.

More 3.5's

The Lost Daughter Zola No Time To Die

This is a weird combo and yet, something about it kind of flows. I enjoy a 3.5! 3.5 is on the whole positive.

Some kinda complicated 3's that I nonetheless do keep thinking about at odd moments

The Hand of God (È stata la mano di Dio) Benedetta House of Gucci The Last Duel

Sometimes 3 means: ambivalent. Wow I don’t know! I think all of these are interesting though, I know that. Also those two Ridley Scotts could really go in either order, have swapped several times just while I typed this up.

3's that were perfectly fine and that’s it

CODA I’m Your Man (Ich bin dein Mensch) In the Heights

Sometimes that’s it!

The Belfast Award for Belfast (2.5)

Belfast

Weirdly, I’m very glad I watched it.

And lastly: I’m sorry ❤️

Nightmare Alley F9

There would certainly be others in this category with them, but I simply chose not to, because I'm not sure that sorry would get the heart.

There were also plenty others I just haven’t got around to yet, nothing personal! I will catch you later probably, C’mon C’mon and The Humans and Wheel of Fortune & Fantasy and idk, Old?? Actually I do still kinda wanna watch Old…why do I wanna watch Old..! Stop me from watching Old.

Also, the rest of the docs I watched:

Summer of Soul Procession Listening to Kenny G The Truffle Hunters

All five documentaries I saw were doing such different things and I like that about the medium very much. Animated memoir, historical concert film, experimental/drama therapy, the only way to do a talking-heads style doc, and a sort of natural-world mosaic with kinda no center but beauuutiful cinematography. A very good year for non-fiction! Actually technically The Truffle Hunters might have been a 2020, but I couldn’t figure it out? I mean is Cyrano even a 2021 and not actually a 2022? Emotionally?? WHAT YEAR EVEN IS IT.

It is 2022, definitely, (checks), and I am finally calling it on the films of 2021. Happy Oscars week.

#Wellntruly's Watch Log #The Movies

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ahtsumu · 4 years

Text

目送 ; oikawa tooru

「alt. title: five times oikawa didn’t look back and the one time he did」

↳ pairing: oikawa tooru x f!reader

↳ synopsis: you spend a lifetime watching him go, sometimes with your stomach tied in knots, sometimes with tears in your eyes, but always with love.

↳ genre(s): angst, fluff, basically an emotional rollercoaster, non-linear storyline

↳ warning(s): profanity, depiction of a panic attack, suggestive themes

↳ length: 5.4k words

↳ a/n: hq fam how we doing after 402 ?? LOL anyway this is my birthday gift to oikawa tooru: my sun, moon, and stars, second to none, yadda yadda. the title is taken from a book with the same name, in case you were wondering. please pay attention to the roman numerals ahead of each section!! enjoy!

“This is the last call for Japan Airlines flight 717 to Buenos Aires, now boarding at gate number twelve. This is the last call…”

Goodbyes are hard when you know they’re forever. Or at least a while.

The clamour of Haneda airport dims to a faint buzz as the two of you continue standing with touching shoulders–– facing the jetliner instead of each other–– in futile hopes of delaying the inevitable.

Oikawa knows that you’re holding in your tears by the light tremors running through your body. Permitting himself to steal a look at your side profile, he notices the familiar tensing of your jaw and hard-set look in your red-rimmed eyes.

Tch. You said you wouldn’t cry.

Impulsively, he unzips his backpack and pulls out a familiar turquoise banner. It feels like just yesterday the team handed him the silk fabric with everyone’s farewell gifts wrapped inside.

Out-of-sequence memories of the Spring High qualifiers flash through your mind. The orange-haired Karasuno player’s spike ricochets off Oikawa’s forearms. The numbers on both sides of the scoreboard slowly inch up like they’re taking turns. Oikawa’s white knuckles against the metal basin. Red eyes. Heaving chest. Something soft against your skin. Rule the Court.

And just like the last time, he gently drapes it over your shoulders, brushing his fingers against your neck as he does so. God, how he wants to kiss you.

“But it’s yours,” you protest weakly, making no move to give it back.

“It won’t be for a while.” His voice cracks when he speaks. But it will be mine again when I come back for it.

He wants to kiss you. One last time.

He wants your mouth against his like absolution to a sinner because he knows that what he’s done to you, what he’s doing to you right now, is comparable to desecration. But he remembers the look on your face that night he broke the news to you. How your megawatt grin caved into a wince when the length of his contract with Club Athletico San Juan finally registered in your mind.

You swallow your feelings of betrayal. You knew what you were getting yourself into.

“Five years is an awfully long time to be apart,” you say after a while.

Oikawa bites his lip. He doesn’t have the heart to say that five was just the starting number. If he does well there, he’ll probably stay longer. He’ll probably do well there. “You don’t have to wait for me.”

Seconds drag into minutes. The cavity in his stomach festers as he waits for your response, but he has a feeling that he already knows your answer.

So instead, all he can do when your floodgates finally burst open is cup your face in his calloused palms and wipe away some of your tears before offering you his own watery smile.

Through your blurred vision, you watch as the boy in front of you steels his resolve and disappears from your life through the jet bridge, ignoring his heart as it begs for one last look over his shoulder.

Oikawa nods numbly when the old man sitting beside him asks if he’s leaving home for the first time. Home, he realises, isn’t anywhere with walls, isn’t an address, isn’t even a person. When someone says they want to go home, it’s not a space that they yearn for, but rather, a time.

He watches Japan grow smaller through the window and feels himself yearn for the time he still had your heart in his hands. It felt like he was holding the sun.

You wouldn’t consider July 21st to be a special day. Nothing special happened earlier that morning when you woke up without your usual alarm. Nothing special happened when your friends texted you four simple words–– come to Azukihana beach!–– during breakfast. But (and this will come to you much, much later) something special happened when said friends left you to guard their things as they dashed to the supermarket for more snacks.

For now, it’s just July 21st, and you’re lying with your back against a towel on the first day of summer break, soaking in the sun, peacefully flipping through a book.

“DON’T FUCKING DO IT, YOU COLOSSAL PIECE OF SHIT!” The familiar voice tears through the beach. Was that Iwaizumi? You set the book down and sit up to check.

And suddenly, the yellow and blue volleyball that had been leisurely rolling your way halts perfectly before your toes. Behind it jogs a shirtless brunet you’ve definitely seen around school.

Oikawa Tooru stops right behind the runaway volleyball and peers at you through half-lidded eyes. “Sorry about that,” he says, flashing you a charming smile.

After casually picking up the ball with one hand, he flexes his abdominal muscles as he straightens back up. Chestnut irises attempt to discreetly sweep over your features but you catch his gaze in the act, quirking an unamused brow. You also catch the intrigued twitch of his lips that follow.

You’re not stupid. Despite having never met him, you know a lot about the Grand King (as many call him). He’s the constant subject of Iwaizumi’s ire and you’ve heard a lifetime’s complaints about him at joint-family luncheons.

But here’s what’s important: you know that he tears himself apart to be the player his team needs him to be, that he sometimes makes Iwaizumi wish he’d passed the Shiratorizawa entrance exam, and that he fiddles with hearts like origami and sets fire to those beautiful fragile trinkets right after.

And in the interest of self-defence (but against what the devil on your shoulder begs), you choose to not place your most prized possession on the table.

A simple “no worries” passes through your lips. You return to your book. A page turns.

Oikawa Tooru is dismissed.

Though your gaze is trained on the page, you can feel his presence at your feet for a few seconds longer. You wonder what his next move is. Much to your surprise, instead of trying to strike up another conversation, he simply lets out an airy hum and strolls back to the sand court where he came from without a second glance.

Iwaizumi wonders why Oikawa is smiling so victoriously after watching the whole ordeal, but your tan family friend has, unlike the calculating Grand King, failed to notice one important detail:

your book is upside down.

And, as if in a trance, your eyes have followed Oikawa all the way back to his sandy kingdom.

Once the sun has set, Iwaizumi checks his phone and notices a text he’d missed in the afternoon. It’s from Y/N. Unease digs itself in his chest when he realises it can’t possibly be for anything except…

hey what was that about?

This can’t be good. Thumbs rapidly typing a response, he races to quash any interest you may have budding in Oikawa. You… you’re good. Nice. Smart enough for UTokyo. A bit naive, but he’s been around your overbearing parents long enough to see it’s not entirely your fault. And even though you run in different circles at school, he feels obligated to protect you from monsters that hide beneath pretty surfaces. He’s known you since the two of you were in diapers.

just trash being what it is

Iwaizumi watches the three grey dots on your side appear, disappear, reappear, and disappear again. And that’s when he realises that he cannot help you. The villain in this arc of your story has already sunken his teeth in your tender, unsullied flesh.

trash?

He sighs.

oikawa

It isn’t a surprise to Iwaizumi when summer break ends and Oikawa’s chestnut eyes start hunting for someone in the cafeteria during lunch. He doesn’t raise a brow when he hears that the second-year captain has been sneaking into Class 7, sometimes with flowers in his hands, and strolling out with a dazed look on his face. He slaps his teammates out of shock when Oikawa mentions his troubles with pursuing some girl–– but not before slapping himself first. Because the Oikawa he knows is not a chaser.

“Her name’s Y/N,” the brunet says, suddenly realising that he has never introduced any of his temporary interests to the team. But it’s been well over two months and he’s starting to think he’s been friend-zoned. Or worse. “I think she hates me.” He laughs melodically, then cocks his head in contemplation. “Is it weird that I kinda like that?”

Iwaizumi hides a satisfied smile behind a sip of water. Oikawa’s revelation has cleared the unease your name brought to his chest. Just a little. Perhaps he’d misread you. You have a bite of your own.

iii.

It’s routine for Oikawa to slink into Class 7 with a dazzling grin during morning break, but he’ll sometimes show up with flowers instead just to remind you that his affections, along with his modus operandi–– haven’t changed since he first started visiting you in September.

The girls in your homeroom have grown used to seeing the six-foot-tall volleyball captain hovering around your desk like a butterfly. Most treat him as part of the scenery nowadays. To them, Oikawa Tooru is no longer the mysterious, out-of-reach deity the rest of the school still paints him to be.

So when he strolls into class on a chilly January afternoon with your name a tune on his lips, they leave him be. Recently, the ladies of Seijoh have focused their attentions on some fellow on the swim team, anyway. Oikawa doesn’t feel as upset as he thinks he should about his shrinking fan club, but when his gaze finds yours already steady, expectant, utterly adoring on him, he understands why.

“For the lady,” he says like he does every time. A cluster of yellow flowers wrapped in brown kraft paper plop onto your desk. He pulls a chair up to your side, purposely ignoring, again, how two certain grooves in the wooden floor keep growing deeper with his visits.

You remember the first time he started bringing you flowers.

A posy of pink flowers sits awkwardly on your desk, untouched.

“I tell you I’d rather take your serve to my face than attend the bunkasai with you and your response is to give me weeds?” you reply with your chin in the palm of your hands, amusement blossoming over your features.

“Stop being a tease, Y/N-chan, they’re flowers,” he huffs, crossing his arms on your desk. “And I know you want to take them. The florist even said I have immaculate taste.”

“Really? Then what do these mean?”

Oikawa falters.

“Hmm?”

“Pink camellias,” he finally says, carefully enunciating the flower's name, “means that you’re a fucking tease. And that you should come to the bunkasai with me.” You snort and tell him to quit volleyball and join comedy club, feeling a strange warmth in your chest when he laughs.

The two of you fall into the same rhythm as always, talking a little bit about this and that, throwing in witty remarks where they belong, never passing up the chance to make fun of each other’s little idiosyncrasies. He’s enraptured by the way you string words together to describe the story behind your class’s bunkasai performance and all the gears in your brain whirr when he explains the strategy he’s using against the team Seijoh’s playing later that day.

When the bell rings, he reluctantly drags his chair back to the desk he stole it from. Just before he slinks back out the door, though, you tell him with a stern gaze that the Ushiwaka from Shiratorizawa he just spent the break shit-talking doesn’t hold a candle to Seijoh’s Grand King.

It’s like you had just stepped under a new light. Oikawa pauses in front of the doorway, trying to decipher what it is that’s different about you. And suddenly, the roses in his cheeks are in full bloom. Delighted and puzzled at his own realisation, he turns around without a second glance your way and strides back to Class 5. Oh, man, he muses as he passes through the emptying corridor. Oh, man. Iwa-chan is going to love this.

Your phone buzzes later that evening.

seijoh v. shiratorizawa 1-2, the text reads, quickly followed by, GAH.

Your lips twitch, though it doesn’t reach your eyes. Tapping your fingers against your phone screen for a response that’ll cheer him up, you suddenly remember a phrase Oikawa said earlier that day. It drew a laugh from you when it came out his contorted face. He was obviously still hung up over with the words of the opposing team’s ace. Hopefully, it makes him feel something else coming from you.

you should’ve come to shiratorizawa, you send, grinning.

His response is immediate.

l m f A O

what flowers would you like at your funeral?

And then you’re reminded of his petalled gift on your desk, now comfortably sitting in a glass vase at your bedside. Pink camellias, he said? Curious, you open your laptop and type in the name for its meaning.

Longing, you remember, watching your boyfriend chatter about something–– probably aliens–– animatedly. The yellow flowers on your desk, you realise, are ones you’ve never seen before.

“Oikawa, what’s the name of these?” you suddenly ask. He stops in the middle of his sentence (he was definitely talking about aliens, by the way), and grins smugly.

“Jonquils,” he says with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “spelt J-O-N-Q-U-I-L-S, means that your boyfriend’s going to colonise Mars one day. And if you’re lucky, you can be the first queen of Mars. How ‘bout that?”

It doesn’t mean what he says it does, by the way.

ii.

Splashes of pink and orange have already settled into the blue sky above when you step onto the rooftop of Seijoh’s humanities building. Despite the breeze that has swept through the air, the flame of curiosity in your stomach burns just enough for you to turn a cheek to the cold.

Come to the rooftop at 6 PM.

It’s 5:59. Impatient, you study the note in your hand again. Maybe you’ll be able to glean something from the laconic letter this time.

Much to your irritation, no one had seen the author of this note. They had expertly placed the unsigned card on your desk with a single rose and Hershey’s chocolate kiss on top during lunch. Elegantly scrawled, their seven words have had your brain running circles all day around their identity. Could it be…? No–– he seemed completely normal earlier today. Still, you can’t shake your suspicions. They borderline hope.

Who else…

You inhale the cool air deeply and lean back against the rooftop railing, eyes burning a hole into the metal entrance. The door swings open with a high-pitched groan. Your breath catches in your throat.

… if not him?

Time briefly stops when Oikawa Tooru steps through the entrance, still in his volleyball uniform, sweaty from practice, cheeks the same colour as the setting sun. There’s an unusually tentative look on his face, though it’s immediately wiped off and replaced with the realisation that this is real when he sees you slightly slack-jawed, blinking once, twice, three times before letting out a breath.

“You look surprised. Expecting someone else to confess today?” he asks, crossing his arms in front of his uniformed chest. Despite how his features are contorted by his poorly hidden jealousy, you can’t help but feel a flood of blood rush through your veins, lighting every inch of your skin on fire.

Because whether he knows it or not, Oikawa, the Grand King of the Court, prettiest boy in all of Miyagi, has skipped the table and placed his heart straight into your hands.

“Of course not,” you retort. “I just didn’t think you’d… well, do something like this.” And I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Iwaizumi’s words still find their way into your mind sometimes. I didn’t want origami made from my heartstrings.

Oikawa’s demeanour changes and his eyes dart away from your face. Shoving his hands into his windbreaker’s pockets, he admits, “I’ve honestly never done something like this before.” A faint blush spreads across his cheeks.

“Really? You’ve never stepped foot in the fourteenth shrine of Sendai?” you tease, referring to how Seijoh students have claimed this very rooftop as one of the God of Love’s many temples. You both know he holds the school record for the number of visits to this rooftop. At this rate, he could be one of its caretakers.

“That’s not what I meant,” he replies with a scowl, though the awkward tension between you two dissipates. And it feels like the two of you are back at your desk in Class 7, snickering uncontrollably while throwing playful jabs at each other. Sensing the change in atmosphere, Oikawa finally steps forward to join you by the railing.

Humming softly, he rests his elbows on the metal bar, props his head up with his hands, and sets his gaze on the lowering sun.

It’d be unfair to say that you didn’t at least try to enjoy the moment of peace with the boy beside you. But there’s a burning question on your mind that you can’t put off asking any longer.

“Why me?” you finally blurt out. “You could have any girl in this school. What made you choose me?”

The brunet whips his head around, disbelief written all over his face. “You think I chose to chase after the most annoying girl in all of Miyagi?” He laughs. “Ridiculous. I’d never willingly put myself through that unnecessary angst.”

You scoff and cross your arms.

“I think that when you like someone, it’s harder to explain why,” he quickly adds. “‘Cause it’s not supposed to make sense. I bet that the inability to explain your feelings is a prerequisite for true feelings, actually. It’s logical to say that you’d date Person A because they’re smart, or Person B because they’re hot, or Person C because they’re rich. But I’m pretty sure that that’s not… that’s not falling for someone. When you fall for someone… you just do. No logic required. You weren’t an option I ultimately settled on, Y/N. One day I just woke up and thought, if not you, then no one else.”

A beat passes. A flurry of words floods through your brain, only to evaporate when the devil on your shoulder decides that words aren’t quite adequate for what you want Oikawa to hear.

So instead, your feet take you one step closer into his space. Impulsively, your fingers find their way to his nape and your eyes flutter shut and suddenly–– suddenly, your parted lips brush against Oikawa’s. Instantly, he deepens the kiss, soft lips surging against yours like a pulse under pressure. You barely register his arms snaking around your waist, tighter and tighter until the space between your bodies is completely closed off.

Breathless, you finally detach your lips from his. Oikawa, who still has you encircled in his arms, pouts at the loss of contact, though he sulky façade only lasts a second before it gives way to a grin that stretches from ear to ear. He looks magnificent. Cheeks red, lips flushed, chest heaving, eyes wide with excitement. You want to kiss him again.

“One more.” It’s as if he read your mind. “To celebrate that last one.”

When Oikawa finally detaches himself from your lips, it’s to respond to the buzzing in his pocket. Noticing your raised brows, he explains that it’s an alarm for practice. The Spring High Prelims are just around the corner and he doesn’t plan on graduating without never having taken his team to Nationals.

“That’s my cue,” he states with a warm–– read: not apologetic–– smile. He doesn’t grab your hand or look imploringly into your eyes in hopes that you understand, never mind that you just shared your first kiss, never mind that you just became his girlfriend.

If Oikawa’s looking for any sign of your objection, he won’t find any. Instead, you step out of his space with an acquiescent nod. You knew what you were getting yourself into.

“Play well,” you say softly.

But before he heads for the creaky rooftop door, he presses one last kiss to your lips. And then he turns around, whistling as he goes, leaving you beaming behind his back with the light of a thousand suns.

iv.

When Matsukawa hands you the turquoise “Rule the Court” banner after the team lunch with a shit-eating grin on his face, the only resistance you offer is a resigned sigh.

“I’ve been dating Oikawa since we were second years,” you say flatly.

“Sorry, Y/N-san, but it’s the team’s hazing ritual,” he replies, not appearing sorry at all. “And you’re the only one who hasn’t done it.” He jerks his head at the blonde girl standing a little farther from the group with Hanamaki. “Emiko-san did it at the last game.”

“Plus, it’s the Spring High qualifier semifinals!” Kindaichi adds. “It’s an even bigger deal for you to do it now, especially since you had to miss our games on the first two days for school.” The team murmurs in agreement.

You shudder at the thought of your impending distress. Sit in the front row of the cheer squad and raise the banner with a scream every time your boyfriend serves? Fleeing from the Sendai City Gymnasium back home in an expensive taxi suddenly becomes very appealing.

Seeing the expectant and hopeful looks on the rest of the team’s faces, however, you begrudgingly place the banner in your backpack, signalling your acceptance of the horrible, cringe-worthy tradition.

“Where is Oikawa-san?” Kindaichi asks, rotating his turnip-shaped head around rapidly. “He was just at the team lunch. Iwaizumi-san’s missing too…”

Kunimi shrugs, pulling out his copy of the team schedule. He starts herding the team towards one of the courts. “Our game against Karasuno starts about an hour, so we should start warm-ups in around fifteen minutes.”

Worry creeps up your spine. For the past few days, all Oikawa has talked about is this match against his bratty kouhai’s team. And in the past two weeks leading up to today, you haven’t been able to even catch a glimpse of his face outside of break or lunch. To suddenly go missing before warm-ups doesn’t seem like Oikawa. You’re about to ask the team if he’s ever done this before, but your phone starts ringing a familiar tune and the question is set aside.

“Iwai––”

“Third-floor bathroom by the orange pillar. Come alone. Don’t tell anyone. Emergency.” Through his harsh and abrupt tone, you pick up traces of fear.

“What––”

“It’s Oikawa.” The call is cut before you can ask any more questions. Heart suddenly racing, you tell the team that your mother just called with questions about your new smart blender and excuse yourself to “explain what the manufacturers mean by salsify”. No one sees you bolt towards the nearest set of staircases with Oikawa the only thought on your mind.

There are very few things in this world that scare you. Stray hairs in the bathroom, the dark, essays longer than three pages… but the terror that short-circuits your brain when you find your boyfriend in the bathroom–– knuckles white around the sink, chest heaving violently, frenzied pupils surrounded by broken blood vessels–– trumps any fear you’ve faced before.

Iwaizumi stands helplessly beside him.

“Is he having a panic attack?” you question, still unable to move your feet. You’ve never seen Oikawa like this before. He’s the Grand King who hums while he walks, who spams your phone’s camera roll with peace-signs and funny faces, who winks and flirts and teases without regard. But watching the long-deified setter crumble like a measly human before you, you realise that Oikawa is also the guy who tore his meniscus from overexertion, who trades sleep to study his opponents play, who works his body to the bone just to stay a hairline above a certain Karasuno setter.

“A scout for the Schweiden Adlers said that Kageyama will soon surpass Oikawa in skill.” Iwaizumi explains how they had overheard the conversation lowly in your ear. “I got us into this bathroom just before he completely lost it. 5-4-3-2-1 isn’t working. And he won’t listen to a word I say.” What’s 5-4-3-2-1? Well, if it isn’t working then don’t focus on that right now.

Your eyes dart to Oikawa’s quivering body again. “I don’t know how to pull someone out of a panic attack.”

“The goal is to ground him. So use physical touch, make him feel something with texture, and get him to talk,” he responds instantly. Mechanically. Like he’s all-too-familiar with this set of instructions. A heaviness grows in the pit of your stomach when you realise what that means for Oikawa. And yet, from that very dread sprouts strength.

Slowly, you tread over to Oikawa and place a hand on his arm. His muscles tense under your touch but when you murmur over and over that it’s “Y/N, your girlfriend, the most annoying girl in Miyagi”, his fingers loosen ever-so-slightly from the metal basin. He lets you lead him to the bench by the door. He lets you drape the Seijoh banner over his shoulders like it’s armour and wrap your arms around his waist. He lets you press your cheek to his sweat-drenched back.

Get him to talk.

“Remember that quote you showed me from that interview of yours? What was it again?” you question softly.

No response.

“If you’re going to hit it, hit it until it breaks,” you say into his ear.

Through the mirror, you see his eyes widen with recognition. In the brief moment of lucidity that washes over Oikawa’s glistening face, you repeat the original question again, followed by his own quote.

Again and again.

And Oikawa finally says back.

“If you’re going to hit it, hit it until it breaks.” Focus re-enters his gaze. He blinks as if just waking from a spell.

“That’s right,” you say as firmly as possible. “So don’t you dare break first, Tooru.”

An unreadable blend of emotions scrawls itself over his features. While Oikawa washes his face with cold water, you remember rumination and resolve but can’t decipher the rest, giving up anyway when Iwaizumi pushes open the bathroom door. When the light washes over Oikawa, his face shows no signs of the episode he just had. It’s just like how the sky moves on after a storm, how the sun beams to say, “I’m here now. The rain has gone.”

But sometimes it still rains in spite of the sun.

A sunshower. It sounds so beautiful. But it’s wonderfully sad.

The three of you wordlessly make your way to the court where the rest of Seijoh is likely getting ready to warm up. What are you supposed to say after that? What can you say?

Once the smell of air salonpas and sweat finally greets your nose, Oikawa slips the Seijoh banner off his back and hands it over to you. Guessing that’s your cue to leave, you tell him to play well like you always do before starting to head for the upper deck. Softly, Oikawa asks you to wait.

“Stay for warm-ups,” he adds. “Please.”

From your spot behind the Seijoh divider, you carefully watch for any signs of another breakdown. To your relief, he goes the entire half-hour without a single crack in his disposition, exchanging laidback grins with the team, bantering with Iwaizumi. At one point he even has the audacity to taunt the Karasuno setter Tobio-chan, as Oikawa often says with a sneer.

Sunshowers, Y/N. Sunshowers.

Just before the referees call for the teams to line up at their ends of the court, Oikawa jogs over to you, eyes folding into thin crescents when he smiles.

He pulls the Seijoh banner out from your hands and gingerly cloaks it around your shoulders. Oikawa presses a quick kiss to your lips and murmurs, “Thank you.” Something in face tells you that it’s supposed to mean more than gratitude. Before you can read more into it, he turns back around and jogs to the line where his team awaits. Oikawa grins ferally.

Knowing that your luminous eyes are fixed to his back like his own set of wings, the monster crows on the other side suddenly look more like humans.

vi.

Oikawa isn’t surprised that his text is still unopened. At twenty-seven years old, he’s had his fair share of dead-ends when it comes to love. But he hadn’t expected radio silence from you of all people.

After closing all the tabs of Team Japan’s latest matches, he powers off his laptop and checks his phone again to reread what he wrote to your old number one last time. Still nothing. It’s highly probable you’ve changed phone numbers at least once in the last nine years, but the disappointment’s still there after he powers his phone off for the night. Tomorrow’s a big day and he’s not the same victim of self-destruction he had been in high school.

Or so he thinks, realising that texting the last person he loved the night before the 2021 Olympics volleyball finals might have been slightly irresponsible on his part. A thought arises in his head, though he quickly quashes it. Asking Iwaizumi to pass the message along would be a little overboard, wouldn’t it? Oikawa chuckles, imagining he response he’d get from his best friend (and Team Japan’s team trainer, that traitor).

“Go the fuck to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep, you dumbass simp,” he hears in Iwaizumi’s gruff voice.

He convinces himself that you’ll be there like you’ve always been. After all, he’s spent a lifetime with your pair of watchful eyes on his back. Satisfied, he drifts into a dreamless sleep.

The volume in the Ariake Arena is astronomical. Blood pounds against his ears as he sets the ball in the air, a monstrous grin carving into his face when his teammate José spikes the set straight down the net, drawing a wave of oohs and aahs from spectators on both sides.

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes at the flashy Team Argentina setter and finishes taping up Ushijima’s arm.

Oikawa turns haughtily towards the opposite team, gaze zeroing in on Team Japan’s raven-haired setter and the shrimpy ginger beside him. It’s been a while since he last saw them this close in person–– the chance encounter with Hinata in Brazil happened well over three years ago and he hadn’t had the time earlier in the tournament to say hello. Of course they’re the final boss in this arc, he muses, though the thought is void of vexation. Instead, begrudging pride blossoms in his chest. Truthfully, he had expected nothing less from his kouhai.

And he expects nothing less than finally tasting the ambrosia of victory against that monster–– no, an entire generation of monsters–– today. Monsters who happen to be the kids he grew up beside.

He wonders what you’d say at the sight of Japan’s greatest players all gathered on one court. On instinct, his eyes dive into the bleachers, searching for your face. Knowing he’s not likely to find you like this, he tsks, deciding to look for Iwaizumi instead. Maybe he knows where you are.

The referees signal for both teams to line up at their ends of the court. As he steps onto the white boundary line, he notices Iwaizumi’s gaze transfixed on someone in the upper deck on Team Argentina’s side. The neutral expression on his face morphs into shock, then recognition. And then he glances at Oikawa.

The latter’s brows furrow before everything clicks in place.

Who else…

All your memories together hit him at full force–– your face shimmering with tears in front of gate twelve in Haneda Airport, the feeling of your shallow breaths against his neck, the savvy lilt to your voice as you speak.

… if not her?

For the first time in his life, Oikawa Tooru looks behind his shoulder.

And there you are, leaning against the railing with the old Seijoh flag draped over your shoulders, a tender, splendid smile on your lips.

“Play well,” you mouth.

And Oikawa feels the sun rise back into his hands.

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bewitching-elizabeth-olsen · 3 years

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Press/Gallery: How Elizabeth Olsen Brought Marvel From Mainstream to Prestige

“The thing I love about being an actor is to fully work with someone and try so hard to be at every level with them, chasing whatever it is you need or want from them.”

GALLERY LINKS

Studio Photoshoots > 2021 > Session 008 Magazine Scans > 2021 > Backstage (August 19)

Backstage: Elizabeth Olsen grins widely over video chat when recalling many such moments on set with her co-stars. Yet, she can’t bring herself to divorce such a lofty vision of film acting from the technical multitasking it requires. The camera sees all.

“But then you move your hair, and you’re in your brain, like: OK, remember that! Because I don’t want to edit myself out of a shot. I know some actors are like, ‘Continuity, shmontinuity!’ But the good thing about continuity is, if you remember it, you’re actually providing yourself with more options for the edit.”

That need to balance being both inside the scene and outside of it, fully living it and yet constantly visualizing it on a screen, feels particularly apt in light of Olsen’s most recent project, “WandaVision.”

The mysteries at the heart of the show grow with every episode, each fast-forwarding to a different decade: Could this 1950s, black-and-white, “filmed in front of a studio audience” newlyweds bit be a grief-stricken dream? Might this ’70s spoof be a powerful spell gone awry? Could this meta take on mockumentary comedies be proof that the multiverse is finally coming to the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

The series’ structure, which branches out to include government agents intent on finding out why Westview has seemingly disappeared, calls for the entire cast to play with a mix of genres, balancing a shape-shifting tone that culminates in an epic, MCU-style conclusion. What’s key—and why the show struck a chord with audiences during its nine-episode run—is the miniseries’ commitment to grounding its initial kooky setups and its later special effects-driven spectacle in heartbreaking emotional truths. It’s no small feat, though it’s one that can often be taken for granted.

“I was thinking how hard it would have been to have shot the first ‘Lord of the Rings,’ ” Olsen muses. “Like, you’re putting all these actors [into the frame] later and at all these different levels. All the eyelines are completely unnatural. And yet the performances are fantastic! And technically, they are so hard. People forget sometimes that these things are really technically hard to shoot. And if you are moved by their performance, that took a lot of multitasking.”

As someone who has learned plenty about harnesses, wirework, fight choreography, and green screens (she’s starred in four Marvel movies, including the box office megahit “Avengers: Endgame,” after all), Olsen knows how hard it can be to wrap one’s brain around the work needed to pull off those big, splashy scenes.

“If you think about it, it’s, like, the biggest stakes in the entire world—every time. And that feels silly to act over and over again, especially when people are in silly costumes and the love of your life is purple and sparkly, and every time you kiss them, you have to worry about getting it on your hands. Those things are ridiculous. You feel ridiculous. So there is a part of your brain that has to shovel that away and just look into someone’s eyeballs—and sometimes, they don’t even have eyeballs!”

The ability to spend so much time with Wanda, albeit in the guise of sitcom parodies, was a welcome opportunity for Olsen. Not only did it allow the actor to really wrestle with the traumatic backstory that has long defined the character in the MCU, but having the chance to calibrate a performance that functions on so many different levels was a thrilling challenge.

“It was such an amazing work experience,” she says. “Kathryn [Hahn] uses the word ‘profound’—which is so sweet, because it is Marvel, and people, you know, don’t think of those experiences as profound when they watch them. But it really was such a special crew that [director] Matt Shakman and [creator] Jac Schaeffer created. It was a really healthy working environment.”

Related‘WandaVision’ Star Kathryn Hahn’s Secret to Building a Scene-Stealing Performance ‘WandaVision’ Star Kathryn Hahn’s Secret to Building a Scene-Stealing Performance Considering that the miniseries spans several sitcom iterations, various layers of televisual reality, and a number of character reveals that needed to feel truthful and impactful in equal measure, Shakman’s decision to work closely with his actors ahead of shooting was key.

“We truly had a gorgeous amount of time together before we started filming,” Olsen remembers. “Our goal was—which is controversial in TV land—that if you wanted to change [anything], like dialogue in a scene, you had to give those notes a week before we even got there. Because sometimes you get to set, and someone had a brilliant idea while they were sleeping, and you’re like, ‘We don’t have an hour to talk about this. We have seven pages to shoot.’ And so, we were all on the same page with one another, knowing what we were shooting ahead of time.

“Matt just treated us like a troupe of actors who were about to do some regional theater shit,” she adds with a smile.

That spirit of camaraderie was, not coincidentally, at the heart of Olsen’s breakout project, Sean Durkin’s 2011 indie sensation “Martha Marcy May Marlene.” As an introduction to the process of filmmaking to a young stage-trained actor, Durkin’s quietly devastating drama was a dream—and an invaluable learning opportunity.

“It was truly just a bunch of people who loved the script, who just were doing the work. I didn’t understand lenses, so I just did the same thing all the time. I never knew if the camera would be on me or not. There was just so much purity in that experience, and you only have that once.”

The film announced Olsen as a talent to watch: a keen-eyed performer capable of deploying a stilted physicality and clipped delivery, which she used to conjure up a wounded girl learning how to shake off her time spent in a cult in upstate New York. But Olsen admits that it took her a while to figure out how to navigate her career choices afterward. In the years following “Martha,” she felt compelled to try on everything: a horror flick here, a high-profile remake there, a period piece here, an action movie there. It wasn’t until she starred in neo-Western thriller “Wind River” (alongside fellow Marvel regular Jeremy Renner) and the dark comedy “Ingrid Goes West” (opposite a deliciously deranged Aubrey Plaza) that Olsen found her groove.

“It was at that point, when I was five years into working, where I was like, Ah, I know how I want it. I know what I need from these people—from who’s involved, from producers, from directors, from the character, from the script—in order to trust that it’s going to be a fruitful experience.”

As Olsen looks back on her first decade as a working actor, she points out how far removed she is from that young girl who broke out in “Martha Marcy May Marlene.”

“I feel like a totally different person. I don’t know if everyone who’s in their early 30s feels like their early 20s self is a totally different human. But when I think about that version of myself, it feels like a long time ago; there’s a lot learned in a decade.”

Those early years were marked by a self-effacing humility that often led Olsen to defer to others when it came to key decisions about the characters she was playing. But she now feels emboldened to not only stand up for herself and her choices but for others on her sets as well.

“[Facebook Watch series] ‘Sorry for Your Loss’ I got to produce, and I really found my voice in a collaborative leadership way. And with ‘WandaVision,’ Paul [Bettany] and I really took on that feeling, as well—especially since we were introducing new characters to Marvel and wanted [those actors] to feel protected and helped,” she says. “They could ask questions and make sure they felt like they had all the things they needed because sometimes you don’t even know what you need to ask.”

It’s a lesson she learned working with filmmaker Marc Abraham on the Hank Williams biopic “I Saw the Light,” and she’s carried it with her ever since. “I really want it to feel like we’re all in this together, as a team,” Olsen says. “That was part of ‘Sorry for Your Loss’ and it was part of ‘WandaVision,’ and I hope to continue that kind of energy because those have been some of the healthiest work experiences I’ve had.”

If Olsen sounds particularly zealous about the importance of a comfortable, working set, it is because she’s well aware that therein lies an integral part of the work and the process. As an actor, she wants to feel protected and nurtured by those around her, whether she’s reacting to a telling, quiet line of dialogue about grief or donning her iconic Scarlet Witch outfit during a magic-filled mid-air action sequence.

“Sometimes you’re going to be foolish, you know? And [you need to] feel brave to be foolish. Sometimes people feel embarrassed on set and snap. But if you’re in a place where people feel like they’re allowed to be an idiot,” she says, “you’re going to feel better about being an idiot.”

This story originally appeared in the Aug. 19 issue of Backstage Magazine. Subscribe here.

Press/Gallery: How Elizabeth Olsen Brought Marvel From Mainstream to Prestige was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen

#Elizabeth Olsen #WandaVision #Avengers #Scarlet Witch #Wanda Maximoff #Sorry For Your Loss #Avengers Infinity War #Avengers Age of Ultron #Captain America Civil War #Ingrid Goes West #Godzilla #Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness #Marvel #MCU #Candy Montgomery #Love and Death #Avengers Endgame

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jokertrap-ran · 3 years

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(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) 遥夕灯会: Chinese Valentine’s Day 2021 Event! Nightlong Lantern Festival Translation (Qixi: EVAN)

“Happy Chinese Valentines. I will cherish and enshrine your heartfelt sentiments within my own. Will you give me a chance to make your wish come true next time?”

*Light and Night Master-list | Evan’s Personal Master-list *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Join my Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *Event story tag will be #For Light and Memories

The setting sun covered the cobblestoned path in a faint sheen of gold. Evan and I were taking a stroll along the old street, basking in the relaxing atmosphere of the evening.

MC: The lantern festival is about to begin.

I secretly planned to give Evan a small surprise, sneakily reaching a hand into my bag in search of a certain something while reaching another out to tug at his hand… Only to grasp nothing but air.

MC: ...Evan?

My heart plummeted. I hurriedly whipped my head around, trying to find him; to spot his silhouette within the crowd.

❖☆———————————★❖

The lantern lights overhead consecutively lit up in sequence just as I turned around. Near and far, like a sea of brilliant stars; illuminating the long street as if it were no different from the day, opening the curtains of the lantern festival.

I was completely enthralled by the display, only snapping back to reality when a familiar warmth fell upon my shoulder. I unconsciously turned around, narrowly brushing across his cheek. The warm yellow halo cast from the lights gently illuminated his features.

Evan: Don't worry. I told you that I'd be with you, which means I'll always be by your side.

His gentle voice was like a magical balm, immediately soothing the sudden panic that had ensnared my heart into a speeding frenzy. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

MC: Right…

Then, I remembered the gift that I’d prepared for him in advance. I’d originally wanted to give it to him the moment the lanterns lit up, but I’d accidentally missed that opportunity...

I turned around to face Evan seriously.

MC: Stick your hand out.

Evan seemed a little surprised by my request but nodded and complied, holding his hand out.

Evan: Okay.

I slowly unclenched my fist, dropping a purple perfumed sachet into his awaiting palm.

MC: Happy Chinese Valentine's.

MC: I wanted to surprise you at the start of the lantern festival, but I suppose now's not a bad time either.

The rich and full-bodied fragrance wafted from it, slowly spreading through the air.

Evan: Thank you for the present. Though… this scent is a little unique, isn't it?

MC: Looks like you’ve already noticed its unique point! Now guess what’s inside it!

Evan: With such a potent scent, I’d say it’s some sort of flower?

Evan: I’m not too knowledgeable about flowers, so this is about as far as I can get.

MC: It’s lilac.

MC: The main bloom is lilac, paired with a bit of resurrection lily. It’s my special invigorating summer sachet!

MC: It works best if you ever feel overwhelmed by work, or if you’re feeling all drowsy in the afternoon! A whiff is all it takes!

Evan: I thought it would be something along the lines of wormwood. I never expected it to be something so intense.

MC: Only because it’s a special occasion, so I thought I’d imbue it with a unique scent. I guarantee that it’ll definitely make a lasting impression!

MC: Actually… I’ve also added a special component to it. Want to try guessing?

Evan: Sure, but the scope is a little too big. Can you give me a hint or two?

MC: Just a small one. It comes from an old poem related to lilacs.

Evan: Let me guess… Cardamom?

MC: Bingo! You’re so spot-on!

Evan: "Lovesickness prevails, atop a lilac branch; and at its tip, cardamom."

Evan: I'm very happy to receive your heartfelt sentiments.

MC: This is the first Chinese Valentine's I'm spending with you, so I want to commemorate it and remember it well.

Evan: What a coincidence. I am of like mind as well.

Evan: That's why I should give you my formal blessings again before the night comes to an end.

Evan: Happy Chinese Valentine's, (Y/n).

MC: I can't help but feel like you're an unexpected stickler for ceremonies sometimes.

Evan: I probably got the bug from a certain young lady who's also very big on ceremoniousness.

Evan: Festivals were meaningless to me in the past…

Evan: But now, I can look forward to it being a special day that I can spend with you.

Evan: I'm very happy to have you with me on this year's Chinese Valentine's.

Evan hooks the perfume sachet on one of his shirt buttons. The night breeze brushes past us, filling our proximity with the rich scent from the perfume sachet. I happily tugged on his hand.

MC: Come on! Let’s go look at those rabbit lanterns over there!

The long winding street was lit up by rows of lanterns, embellishing the place with magnificent splendour under the night sky. We strolled in the crowd.

It was as if we could go on like this forever, eternal; always.

❖☆———————————★❖☆———————————★❖

“My little lady's naturally the luckiest, of course.“

❖☆————— ⊹ For Light & Memories⊹ —————★❖ [Who will you gift your perfume sachet to?]

★ Evan ☆ Osborn ☆ Sariel ☆ Charlie ☆ Jesse

#光与夜之恋 #Light and Night #Otome #Translations #Tencent #萧逸 #Osborn #齐司礼 #Sariel #陆沉 #Evan #查理苏 #Charlie #夏鸣星 #Jesse #For Light and Memories #遥夕灯会 #Nightlong Lantern Festival #Qixi 2021

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castiel-kline · 3 years

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happy birthday @angelfishofthelord !!!

here’s Cas being Old and talking about dinosaurs to hopefully make you smile <3

---

“Hey, there you are!”

Castiel is tucked in a corner of the library when Dean’s voice startles him out of the book he’s reading. He stands up, a million things that could have gone wrong racing through his imagination at top speed.

“Dean. Is everything alright?”

He waves a hand in dismissal. “Yeah, no worries. Me, Sam and Jack are gonna watch Jurassic Park. You wanna join us?”

Castiel wrinkles his nose. He’s seen stills from that movie, and those plus the references Dean has made to it over the years make it sound like an inaccuracy-riddled insult to the beautiful creatures he once watched over.

But Cas has never been one to refuse time with his family, so he follows Dean through the bunker’s halls and takes a seat next to Jack on the sofa.

Sam passes him a bowl of popcorn.

“You made it!” he says, looking uncharacteristically relaxed. It’s… nice.

“Of course,” Castiel says, passing the popcorn to Jack’s eager hands and returning the boy’s smile. He’ll enjoy it more than Cas will. He cares much more about the people than the snacks or the film, anyway.

He takes in Sam’s easy smile again, and the calm in Dean’s posture where he stands preparing the DVD. Even Jack looks toward the blank television screen in excited anticipation, despite having learned by now not to trust Dean’s taste in cinema. Jack much preferred getting to explore films on his own, and Castiel was always thrilled to be included in his late night Netflix adventures.

He clears his throat, unsure why he’s so nervous. He does like dinosaurs, after all. “So… you like this movie, right?”

“Hell yeah we do,” Dean says. “Sam and I watched it in theaters when it first came out. He wouldn’t shut up about velociraptors for months.”

“I was ten,” Sam protests, pink creeping across his cheeks. “Besides, it wasn’t even velociraptors. It was... dilophosaurus.” He’d trailed off into a barely audible mumble in his embarrassment, but it was still loud enough for Dean to hear.

“Oh, that’s right!” he laughs, eyes alight with the delighted gleam of a sibling collecting ammunition to tease with. “He’d sit in the library for hours searching for any mention of the damn thing. I always said he’d be better off with a T. Rex obsession like a normal kid, but no-o.”

Castiel leans over, nodding in Sam’s direction. “Well, I think dilophosaurus is a very good choice of favorite dinosaur.”

Sam looks surprised, and Jack, who’d been watching the conversation like a tennis match, looks to Cas directly.

“You know about dinosaurs?”

Castiel frowns, confused. “Yeah, of course I do.”

They’re cut off by Dean, who keeps talking as he’s sitting down on Jack’s other side with the remote control.

“Could’ve sworn we watched this one with you before, Cas. When we found it at that movie rental place in Minnesota, after that ghoul hunt?”

“We would’ve,” says Sam, tone caked in playful bitterness. “But you wanted to get Mars Attacks instead, remember?”

Dean looks a bit sheepish. “Hey, sometimes you need a good B movie after a day of ganking monsters. Today, though, we gotta get the kid another check off the list of Spielberg must-sees, right? Cas, too. We’ve waited long enough as is.”

Castiel has just enough time to hope once more that this movie is of a better quality than many of Dean’s other favorites, and then his thoughts are swept away by the opening sequence lighting up the television.

---

Jack enjoyed the movie immensely. He liked the scares and the way it made his heart beat faster. He liked the way Dr. Grant was so protective of the kids. Most of all, of course, he liked the dinosaurs.

He’d found a book about them the other day when he was cleaning in the library with Sam, and when Dean overheard their conversation he immediately suggested this movie.

Jack thought Cas would be just as interested in dinosaurs as he was, but the angel spent the whole movie with a frown on his face and a furrow between his eyes.

As the brothers stand up, Dean to turn on the lights and Sam to collect the empty snack bowls, Jack nudges Cas’ arm with his elbow.

“Are you okay?”

Cas meets Jack’s gaze with gentle eyes.

“I’m fine. I- I thought that the ending was a bit sad.”

Jack frowns. “How was it sad? Almost everyone got off the island.”

“That’s not…” Cas shakes his head, and takes a moment to compose himself before giving Jack a small smile. “You don’t need to worry about me, Jack. It just made me remember when the dinosaurs died.”

Shocked silence falls upon the room like a fog. Jack knows he’s gaping in disbelief, and feels Sam and Dean doing the same.

Cas glances around, taking in everyone’s surprise. “What’s wrong?”

“Dude,” Dean says. “Did you… are you…”

“Were you really there when the dinosaurs died?” Sam manages, sounding strained.

Cas answers slowly, eyes narrowed. “Yes? It was very sad, but it was a long time ago. I’ve had time to mourn.”

“But you were there!” Dean repeats, dumbfounded. Cas continues staring.

“Yes, Dean, I was there.”

“I mean, what- what was it like?” Sam asks, wonder in his eyes.

“Well, um. It was hot. And fiery.”

“It was hot and fiery,” Dean says, broken record. “Wow.”

“I don’t understand. Why are you… why is this such a surprise? I thought the dinosaurs’ extinction was common knowledge.”

“Yeah, but talking to someone who saw it is… it’s amazing,” Sam says. If he wasn’t holding the butter-greased popcorn bowls, Jack is sure he would be gesturing every which way. “Why didn’t you tell us about it before?”

Cas blinks. “I didn’t know that you were interested. I thought if you wanted to know, you’d just ask me.”

“Dude. We didn’t know we could ask! I mean, we knew you were older than the pyramids, but the dinosaurs? That’s, what, fifty million years?”

“Sixty-five,” chime Sam and Jack, in unison.

“Wait a minute, how old do you think I am?”

That gives them pause. Jack exchanges hopeless glances with Sam and Dean, the three of them clambering for any exact number in the recesses of their minds. Jack draws a blank, both because Cas doesn’t really talk about his past and because time is a little twisted for him to begin with.

He knows he’s almost two, and that two years is not a long time, but to Jack it feels like forever.

He knows his mother was thirty-nine when she died, and he knows Sam and Dean are hovering somewhere near forty. Cas has lived millions of years, and though Jack can’t quite wrap his mind around that vast length of time, he knows that makes Cas near eternal. Like Jack’s supposed to grow up to be.

Oddly, it’s a comforting thought.

“How old are you?” He asks it to put an end to the silence, and because he’s realized he really wants to know the answer.

Cas hesitates, brow creasing in thought. “It’s hard to say. The first thing I really remember is the tiktaalik, so I suppose that makes me…”

“Holy shit,” Sam breathes. He must know what the tiktaalik is, Jack thinks. He’ll have to ask about it later.

“Three and a half billion. Approximately,” Castiel finishes.

Jack can almost hear Dean’s jaw hit the floor.

“That old, huh?” Dean asks. His voice is strained, and he sounds faint.

“I might be closer to four billion, actually,” Cas muses.

“Okay, whoa,” Sam interjects, before Dean’s brain melts entirely. “That’s… that’s really impressive, Cas.”

“I- really?”

“Yeah, man,” Dean manages. But Cas still doesn’t look convinced, so Jack speaks up.

“You’re prehistoric!” he says. “I think that’s really special.”

Cas takes a long moment to respond, inexplicably looking younger as he processes their praise. It’s like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders- like for the first time in eons he feels like the years behind him, drenched in blood and pain and regret as they are, can be a gift rather than a curse.

Sam and Dean clap Castiel on the shoulder and take their leave from the room, the elder brother murmuring something about “antique angels” as they go.

Jack steps closer to Cas, clearing his throat.

“I, um. I found a book about dinosaurs the other day. Dean said that this movie would be educational, but… I was wondering if you could tell me about them? I don’t think I learned very much.”

“I would be happy to.” Cas smiles, reaching out to squeeze Jack’s shoulder. “This film wasn’t very accurate, anyway.”

“Really? How?”

“Well, for one thing, most of those dinosaurs didn’t even live during the same millennium. And they weren’t nearly so lizard-like. They had feathers.”

Jack responds in kind, whispering conspiratorially: “Like birds?”

“Sort of. Come on, I’ll draw some for you.”

Jack follows his father out of the room, smiling from ear to ear. Though the full scope of Castiel’s age remains far beyond his comprehension, Jack thinks it’s incredible. With all those years behind him, it’s no wonder that Cas is such a good parent.

Time is a teacher, and Cas has had a long life in which to learn. He has so much wisdom to share- and it’s not all about the dinosaurs, not because of the things he’s seen or the battles he’s won.

No, Castiel shines brighter than the most beautiful of stars. It’s a brilliance that comes from the inside out, forged through fire and pain and a heart stronger than diamond no matter how many times it’s broken.

Castiel shines with four billion years of love.

#hope you like it!#castiel #team free will 2.0 #my fic #spn fanfic #kitkat writes

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mirkwoodshewolf · 3 years

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On set visits; Queen x reader x Borhap boys pt. 1

*Author's note*

Alright so this part is broken up into 2 parts so here is the 1st part of the Bohemian Rhapsody film set visit. Part 2 will be up in just a second after I get done with this author's note. So expect some crazy stuff happening, fluffiness and the Rock Angel reminiscing on her past with the boys.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@simonedk

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queensdivas

@queendeakyy

@wormzteef

@geek-and-proud

@starswin

@isabella-bby

@onebigfangirlworld

@labessieisallama

@5sos-wdw

@ssa-sadboi

@naturalswifty89

@bohemiansweede

_________________________________________________________

*Sept. 2017. Filming Bohemian Rhapsody*

I almost couldn't believe it myself. I mean I knew that the boys were planning on a film about themselves and that it was taking them almost 10 years just to get it off the ground. But now after multiple rewrites of the script and better casting, the film was ready to get off the ground.

"So you're absolutely sure I can stop by whenever I feel like it? No matter how many times?" I spoke into my I-phone.

'Absolutely love, just as long as you don't spill any secrets.'

"Please Bri, when have I ever revealed anything to anyone about you guys?"

'Well there was the time—'

"That was a fluck and you know it!" I snapped.

'I'm kidding love, you've never spilled any secrets. You've gotten better at lying lately.' Brian chuckled.

"Well when you say it like that it makes me feel guilty."

'As it should love. So when can we expect you?'

"I'll try to get there before the filming starts, so I may end up going to bed now so that way I can get on the road early enough to beat traffic."

'I know Rog is looking forward to seeing you again.'

"I just did the summer tour with you guys, how could he already miss me?"

'It's a mystery to all of us, but he is your father after all.'

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay well I'll see you tomorrow Bri."

'See you then (y/n). sweet dreams and drive safe tomorrow.'

"Will do. Love you."

'Love you too poppet.' I then hung up and couldn't help but grin.

"You still going over to see them film tomorrow?" I turned and low and behold after a long day's shift there was my husband coming in from his police work.

"Well, well, well, look what the cat threw up." I teased.

"Ha-ha you're hilarious my love." He said as he undid his tie and unbuttoned his short. "So the film's finally taking off the ground?"

"Yep, and they finally found a better Freddie Mercury."

"Yeah cause I remember when you called and told me about Sacha Baron Cohen."

"I just couldn't stand the fact that he was wanting to expose the dark side of Freddie. I mean yeah he had the parties, and the drugs, the sex, but that's all what Rock and rollers did back in those days. Plus that's all he seemed to care about. The scandal that came with Freddie's name, nothing about the music. I'm only just glad Bri sided with me on it." I ranted as Jack came up after taking his shirt and undoing his pants and began to rub my shoulders.

"I know love. You're as protective of this project as Brian and Roger are. So do you know who exactly they got to play Freddie this time?"

"No, but I'll find out tomorrow."

"Okay well, my team's got a heavy lead on the case so I won't really be available tomorrow."

"I understand. Just—promise me you'll be careful my love. I haven't forgotten that one killer that shot you in the line of duty."

"I survived didn't I? Plus now we both have a bullet story to share." He leaned his forehead against mine.

"Not funny Jack." I muttered.

"I know. C'mon let's get some sleep. We both have got a long day ahead of us tomorrow." I nodded and then we both got into bed and we fell asleep.

Early the next morning I was on my way over to the set driving in my own car without a driver. As I approached the set gate of course I was stopped by security.

"Badge and proof of visitation ma'am." I handed him the badge that Roger had sent in for me and some documentation that I needed to show him saying that I was not only visiting but a consultant for the movie to help the actors get to know the true Queen. "Everything checks out Mrs. Kline, here you go and have a good day."

"You too uhh—Marvin." I read his nametag before putting my VIP badge around my neck as the gate opened and I drove on inside.

After about 10 minutes I finally was able to find a parking space. I got out of the car and locked it up before walking towards the set. I was told by Brian that the actors had been prepping for the biggest scene they were going to film, the Live Aid sequence.

When I came around and actually stepped up onto the stage, I was blown away and taken back to the summer of 1985. Jesus they—the production got every single detail down to the paint chippings. The rigged lights that Queen had the day they performed, Roger's kit and the grand piano with Freddie's Pepsi cups filled with beer.

"Oh my god. Jack if only you were here to see this." I muttered to myself. It was then I saw Brian talking to someone but—wait did he? Did he seriously dye his hair back to its original dark curls? I walked up to him but waited till he was done talking to some of the producers. Once he was I tapped his shoulder and he turned around and—oh wow I just....wow.

I don't know whether this is a prank or time travel does exist but I swear I'm literally looking at Brian the day I had met him.

"Okay it's official. I think I have finally cracked." I said as I placed my hand over my forehead.

"I'm sorry ma'am do you need to sit down or can I get you a cup of water?" Oh god he even sounds like Brian.

"Ahhh seems you two have already met. And here I thought I could surprise you." I turned and there was—Brian? My Brian with the grey curls now. Wait what!? What is going on here!?

"What the f—"

"Ah, ah language young lady!" Brian scolded.

"You must be the Rock Angel (Y/n) Kline, Brian and Roger have told us a lot about you. Pardon me, Gwilym Lee." He said as he extended his hand to me. I shook it and said in awe.

"Ahhhh, now I see it. Sorry Gwilym dear, never did I think I'd see two Brian's at once. I swear to god you look—exactly like Brian when I met him."

"Anita said the exact same thing. Cheeky woman was even trying to flirt with him." Brian said as he pouted towards the end..

"No she didn't." I gawked.

"I'm afraid it's true." Gwilym said with a blush. I shook my head softly laughing.

"Oh that woman I tell you what."

"Well I can tell you one thing I know a certain someone of the cast who will flip out once he sees you." said Gwilym.

"And just who might that be?" I asked him.

"The young lad whose playing Deacy, Joe Mazzello."

"Kept ranting on and on about your Live Aid performance and how you and Deacy used to interact with each other in your performances together."

"Ahh yes. Me and my dear brother mine." I sighed with a solemn smile.

"I—I'm sorry I-I-I didn't mean to......"

"No, no Gwilym it's fine. While sometimes I do wish he could still be around, I completely understand why he chose to leave the band. Hell without Brian and Rog I—I don't even want to think what I would've done after Freddie died." I soon brushed my sorrows away and said, "Now come here Gwilym I want to get a closer look at you." he came up to me and we stood face to face of each other.

I placed my hands on his shoulders and looked him up and down before cupping each side of his face gently.

"God they chose right for my Brian. I swear, it's like Gwilym is your long lost son Bri." I said as my eyes turned toward Brian.

"I'm beginning to think you might be right." Joked Brian. I stepped back from Gwilym and said to him.

"I can't wait to see the full Live Aid recreation with you all in full costume."

"I hope we do you proud Mrs. Kline."

"First of all, call me (y/n). Secondly, I'm already proud. From what I've heard from Brian and Roger, I have no doubt in my mind that we've entrusted the right group of actors with Freddie's and Queen's upbringing tale to absolute rock gods."

"You flatter us too much (y/n)." Brian gushed.

"Only because you old fossils deserve it." I teased as I stuck my tongue out at him to which Brian did his little eyebrow quirk at me. I giggled softly and continued. "Well before filming starts, I'm gonna continue to look around the set. I'm told the lower decks where all the performers were settled in are just like how they were when we were there. Ciao Brians'." I walked away from them with a wave of my hand.

After exploring more of the set design and going down memory lane it was then I came across another look-a-like. Holding the famed natural Fender precision Bass guitar and wearing that god awful tacky shirt that I secretly wished I had told him not to wear, and having the iconic mushroom fluffy hair was the actor who was playing Deacy, Joe Mazzello.

One of the hair designers was fluffing up the wig to make sure it was up to Deacy's standard. And god just like with Gwilym, Joe was practically identical to Deacy.

It was just like seeing Deacy again back when he was happy and content with where Queen was at, just before finding out about Freddie's illness (which I had found out from Spike several years ago that Deacy had actually known since the last tour Queen ever did with Freddie).

I smiled softly as I watched him get ready for the camera. His wide smile reminded me so much of Deacy's. Slowly I walked up towards him and as the hairdresser looked him over Joe asked.

"So how does it look?"

"I think you look terrific." I said.

"Wait who said—OH MY GOD!!!" he screamed as he turned around and saw me. Like all usual fanboys, he jumped back, his mouth was gaped and his eyes were wide.

"Close your mouth please Joe dear we are not a codfish." His mouth immediately closed.

"Y-you-you-you're....."

"The Rock—"

"Rock Angel." We both said together slowly. "Call me (y/n)." I greeted as I extended my hand out to him and he took it hold of it and shook it.

"I just—I can't believe that I'm-I'm-I'm actually standing beside the Rock Angel." I softly giggled.

"Just know that beyond the glam and the rock star female empowerment, I'm just a normal 55 year old woman."

"But you still look good." He said. I quirked my brow at him so he quickly tried to save himself, "Not that you're old or anything. I mean I don't mean to offend you I just....."

"Joseph. Relax dear. I'm not offended at all. Freddie always said that I would end up being an eternal beauty. At first I thought it was just Freddie being Freddie but as the years have passed I think he—that he must be behind giving me this youthful glow."

"The Rock Angel called me dear," he first gushed with a shy smile. "Sorry I just...... I grew up listening to your albums along with Queen and the first time I saw one of your broadcast performances, I kinda had a little crush on you" He said gently.

"Aww I'm flattered Joe, really I am." I said as I gently cupped the side of his face and gave his cheek a stroke of my thumb. At that point he looked like he was about to melt into a puddle with how much joy he was probably filled with. "Now Joe forgive me for saying this, how long have you been acting?"

"I was a child actor actually. I've—always been in the acting business. Why do you ask?"

"Well besides seeing some of my brother's features I feel like I've—seen you in something before."

"You might recall a little film that came out in the 90's known as Jurassic Park?"

"Wait hold on—you...." I gasped. "You played little Tim Murphy!?!"

"Yes, yes I was Tim Murphy."

"Oh my god. When that film came out my twin boys were literally obsessed with that movie. Would not watch anything else for a full year. They even wore out the old VHS tape we had for it. Oh my god how could I not recognize you sooner?"

"Well I was 8 just turning 9 while we were filming it."

"You had a birthday while filming?"

"Yeah. It was during the kitchen scene with the raptor. I actually got injured on that day."

"What? What happened?" he then proceeded to tell me exactly what had happened. Of how the raptor they used was on wheels and he was running toward the fridge and he was supposed to go left while the raptor was supposed to go right, but the guy controlling the raptor lost control and went the same direction as Joe and he ended up getting hit in the face with a metal claw.

And it was at that moment the director Steven Spielberg and the rest of the crew sang Happy birthday to him.

Then of course he tried to ask Joe at that moment if they could try it again, but when Joe proved he couldn't do it, they wrapped for that day.

"Oh you poor thing."

"It's okay, I survived."

"Well I hope you never suffered an injury like that since then. And on your birthday too? That's never a good birthday present to get a concussion."

"I was cleared out with no concussion, just a little dizzy and a bit of bruising."

"Oh I'm sorry love, it's my inner mother instincts kicking in."

"She always was an overprotective mother." We both turned around and I saw Roger walking up sporting the black beanie I gave him for Christmas last year and another actor who was sporting the Roger Taylor look he had for Live Aid.

"Oh look who's talking smother father! For years since I've known you you've been the definition of helicopter parent." I gawked at him. "You still sometimes even threaten Jack with missing out on our dates cause of our jobs."

"And I've always told you that boy would be trouble one day." He teased as he came up to me.

"Wow so it is actually true, you guys do look at each other as father and daughter." Said the young actor playing Roger.

"Yes Ben, my adoptive daughter (Y/n) Kline, otherwise known as the Rock Angel." Roger introduced.

"So you're the young actor playing my main father figure eh?" I said as I looked at the young man.

"Yes. Ben Hardy, it's a real honor to meet you in person Mrs. Kline. To say I was nervous to meet Roger is nothing compared to the thought of meeting you."

"Are you saying I'm intimidating and unapproachable?" I asked offendedly.

"Wha? No! No! God no I-I-I-I didn't mean it that way I was just...." I interrupted him with a laugh and said.

"Dear, relax. I was just pulling your leg."

"And be thankful she was. Otherwise, I'd beat your arse boy for insulting my daughter." Roger protectively stated.

"See there you go you old hypocrite. Besides Rog you haven't been able to kick anyone's arse in years. Don't want you breaking a hip now do we?" I mocked him.

"You're lucky these boys are here little missy." Roger scolded me.

" Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now then Ben, you were once on EastEnders right?" I said turning my attention back toward Ben.

"Yes. I played Peter Boyle on the show. My recent film before this was the new X-Men movie that came out about a year ago. X-Men Apocalypse."

"Ahh yes, my youngest son is always obsessed with all the superhero films. Marvel or DC. Now I'd like to see you two more closely, stand together." Both Joe and Ben followed orders and I looked both of them up and down.

Circling around them before cupping each of their faces once by one. And yes Ben was a bit more muscular than Roger was and of course they didn't get his hair right for this part in time, but there was just something in Ben's eyes that just made me think back to the first day I met Roger.

That sparkle of mischief but also protectiveness that shown through those blue eyes of his.

"That is most definitely my Roger. You both have the same spirit in your eyes. I can't wait to see how you play the drums up on that stage."

"Yeah, me neither." He said with a hint of nervousness. I then went over to Joe and cupped his face too. Just—my god just like with Deacy the profile was just uncanny. Of course, Deacy's eyes were more of a hazel type while Joe's were like a brownish type color. But I couldn't deny he looked so much like my brother. "And you my dear Joseph. Gwilym isn't the only one to resemble the man he's playing."

"It was kinda scary after getting the wig on. So much so that I called my mom and asked her what she was doing in 1983?" I laughed and said as I took my hands away from his face.

"Unfortunately, I can tell you for a fact that John Deacon is not your father. The only lady he's ever loved and will love is Veronica."

"I know." I chuckled softly.

"Now then Joe if you'll come with me there's important things I need to discuss with you."

"Like what?"

"You'll see. It was wonderful to meet you Ben, I hope we can get to know each other better later after you all film the Live Aid concert."

"Yeah of course, it was wonderful to meet you Mrs. Kline."

"Please call me (y/n). Dad you better not be too hard on this one, I like him."

"Don't worry I won't break him too much." The four of us went our separate ways.

Joe and I arrived at my trailer (all thanks to Rog and Bri). We entered inside and I told Joe to take a seat. He sat down on my couch while I went over to the kitchen.

"Tea?"

"Yes please. One sugar please."

"Just like how he liked it." I muttered to myself.

"What was that?"

"Nothing love, nothing." I prepped the tea for him and once it was done I handed him his cup and he thanked me. I watched him take a sip and he said,

"Ahh never gets old. I'm telling you after this I may just be the biggest tea fan ever."

"It is good for the soul. I myself have always found Jasmine to be the way to nirvana." I paused for a brief moment before saying, "Joe." He looked at me giving me his full attention, "As you know probably from weeks of research and maybe even from Roger and Brian themselves, Deacy chose to exempt himself from all forms of stardom. To live a quiet life with his family."

"Yeah. When I first got the part I did reach out to him on just any personal advice on certain quirks that he did. Cause even though I've played real life people before, this is the first time I'm playing someone whose still alive, and I wanted to do him justice."

"Yes, quite."

"However all I got back was just that he approved of the project and just for me to take it as any other actor would. Not that I'm saying that I'm mad at him for saying that. But I just—"

"I get it. Really I do." I took his hand and gripped onto it comfortingly. "Look. Ever since Freddie died, Deacy has been—grieving. Just like he did for me, it was Freddie who helped bring Deacy out of his shell and become more involved with the band. Not just being the bass player or the quiet guy."

"The King of the one liners, the tie breaker of Queen." Joe stated.

"Yes, although John could be loud and rowdy when he wanted to. He was definitely Queen's wildcard, but he was also their Ace. Unpredictable but incredibly brilliant. Never have I met a bass player quite like him. Nor do I think I ever will." It was quiet for what felt like forever when Joe asked me.

"Do you—do you still speak to him? I mean, cause I read that you both basically grew up close together, even for being 11 years apart from each other."

"Yes. We actually lived 20 minutes from each other back in our youth. He was and will always be my brother mine." I sighed heavily. "And to answer your question, I must remind you he's always been.....a cautious subject to me. Any remembrance of Freddie just makes him break, and as I'm sure you've seen from my concert footages I, sometimes, subconsciously find myself doing some Freddie movements on stage. Whether it's flicking my wrist like he did, strutting around the stage or waving my arms like he did. Deacy's.....he knows those things. But he's always there for me when I needed him. The last time was—on the tragedy of 9-11."

"Wait you mean....."

"Jack's cousin Jared and his wife Gen, they—they were on the plane that was overtaken by the terrorists. Took five days to finally find their bodies. Jared holding Gen in his arms. It was a risk but—I knew Jack needed more support than just his American family. So he and I went over to John and Veronica's place. We went at the early mornings of course just so that way no one would spot us driving in midday and try to track us down, then at sunrise we walked up to the door and—there he was. When Jack told him what had happened, he—actually invited us in and allowed us to stay the entire time. He ended up being the right support Jack needed."

"Your husband and John were close?"

"Oh yes. More alike than you know. Both incredibly talented bass players. That's how Jack got Deacy's approval when Jack and I started hanging out. He even gave my husband private lessons."

"Wow."

"Yes. They were practically inseparable the two of them for that summer. Even during their rehearsals, you would see Deacy go in the corner and practice what riffs he'd teach my Jack next. However that was the last time I ever actually saw Deacy, 16 long years ago. Haven't gotten in contact with him since. But occasionally, at least according to Brian, he asks them how I'm doing as well as Jack."

"I hope he's living a quiet and happy life with his kids and wife."

"I know they are. I still keep in contact with Ronnie whenever I can, sometimes we go out shopping, fawn over grandchildren pics, and just catching up. She was the mother I needed when I first had Kelly."

"Sounds like she was the ultimate mama."

"You have no idea." I felt Joe place his free hand on top of mine that still had his. I smiled softly at him before I got down to the real reason why I brought him here. "Joseph, now I know that when it comes to acting, Hollywood can pick whomever they deem worthy for a role, especially if it's for a real person. I'll be honest with you; hearing your American accent puts me a little on edge. Cause I have heard some pretty bad English accents on screen that just make me want to pull my ears off agonizingly slow. Now I know Deacy has probably the most unique accent from anyone in Leicester, I mean you hear my accent and I sound nothing like his dialect. So what I want to ask of you, just for the sake of you playing my brother, may I hear you speak with John's accent?"

"What-what would you like me to say?"

"Maybe say what you did for the audition. Or anything that comes to your head. It doesn't even have to be an interview Deacy did, I just want to hear your accent." He nodded before sitting back on the couch while I leaned back on the chair.

He adjusted himself before finally miming that he was driving a car before he finally spoke about when Deacy first joined the band. The one interview he did during the 'News of the World' tour with Bob Harris.

I felt like at that moment my heart had stopped. My hands slowly covered my mouth in a prayer style while the corner of my eyes watered. And sure there were certain words that he said that still sounded American but—this was my brother. I....I was actually looking at my brother right now. They got it right.

By the end of it, Joe looked at me and his eyes grew concerned as he said.

"Did I screw up?" I stood up from my chair in silence. I then walked over to him and knelt down in front of him cupping his face. A wide smile spread across my face as I immediately hugged him and softly sobbed.

"You are my Deacy! My brother mine." I then felt him embrace me back and the two of us rocked side to side. I looked up to the heavens praying that Fred was looking down knowing he would've loved Joe playing his Deacy. "If you ever need any advice or help, I'm here for you. Promise me Joe Mazzello that you will come to me with anything regarding Deacy."

"I promise (y/n)." he still spoke with Deacy's accent which filled me with both sorrow and happiness.

We stayed that way for god knows how long. After composing myself, we left my trailer when one of the volunteers came up to us and said.

"Joe, they're ready to start filming the concert."

"Shall we go on?" I asked.

"Yes, let's." God he had my brother's quick wit already. He crooked his arm out which made me grin softly. I looped my arm through his and the two of us walked on towards the Live Aid stage.

I stood alongside Roger, Peter Freestone (Freddie's former assistant and the other consultant for the film) as well as Brian's youngest daughter Emily (who in every way was so much like her father from the hair to the smile).

"I think this will be a great shoot, don't you think (y/n)?" asked Peter.

"Indeed Pheebs. And I'm sure Freddie would've loved to have seen it."

"He would indeed." He said as he wrapped an arm around me and soon Brian came and stood beside us after being backstage with the young actors who then came out just as Queen did that day back in 85. When I saw the young actor playing our Freddie, I was already impressed.

Sure he was skinnier than Freddie was, but seeing him move about just as Freddie did it was like I was seeing Freddie right before my eyes. The boys got into position and soon began to perform the entire Live Aid concert.

Besides actually being there and seeing them perform from the wings that day over 30 years ago, this was about the greatest concert performance I had ever seen.

The boys in full costume had everything down. Gwilym channeled Brian's solo on Bohemian Rhapsody, Ben was pretty impressive on the drums, Joe had Deacy's rhythmic moves down, and the young man playing Freddie he—it was beyond what I could imagine. He wasn't just moving like Freddie, it was like he knew why Freddie would move a certain way to a song.

I was in awe cause it felt like I had actually traveled back in time and was watching Queen's most historical performance once again. I stood behind Brian and wrapped my arms around his shoulders leaning up against his head smiling from ear to ear, I felt Brian take one of my hands and gently patted it every now and then.

When the Aye-Oh's happened I could help but lowered my head and holding my laughs of joy. I swear when this is over, I need to talk to this new actor playing Freddie cause unlike Sacha, this was our Freddie. Soon Hammer to Fall came on and I couldn't help but bop my head along to the song.

I felt a tap at my shoulder and I turned to see Emily holding her phone out with the notes app open. In the app it read.

'Is this how you remember it Aunt (y/n)?' I walked towards her and gestured for me to have her phone. She handed it to me and I typed out.

'Everything and more. God I wish your cousin Kelly could've been here to see this as well as your uncle Jack. They would've loved it.' I showed her my message and she came up and wrapped her arms around my shoulders as the two of us smiled happily up at the stage.

When Hammer to Fall concluded, the extras and even me and team Queen applauded. I let out a loud whistle from the sidelines as I applauded and took pictures with my own phone to show Jack and the kids later. Now I recall that it was at this time the guys ended up surprising me and the world with our duet "Set it all free" instead of the planned 'Crazy Little thing called love'.

Now I've been skeptical about having a biopic film about me, even though I knew both Queen and Elton were starting theirs at the same time, hell one of the producers Dexter Fletcher is currently directing Elton's film 'Rocketman' as we speak right now. So I didn't know if they would plan to do Crazy little thing or if they'd go the set as it was all those years ago.

I got my answer however when Ben started to play the drum intro to my song.

"You guys didn't." I muttered.

"We wanted to be historically accurate with the Live Aid set." Brian started.

"So we cooked up a little surprise for you." Roger said. It was then I heard the actor playing Freddie began chanting out along with the audience "An-gel! An-gel! An-gel!" it was then I saw a young girl come out and—by god it was like looking at my younger self from that day.

She was dressed exactly how I was with a pregnant belly suit underneath her shirt. Her hair was designed the same way as mine was, everything just took me back. Instead of a playback that the Freddie actor was using for all the singing, this young woman was actually singing and she had a pretty good voice.

I continued to watch in awe as the young woman basically became me doing each step or movement I did that day on Live Aid. I felt Brian and Roger wrap their arms around me as I couldn't even take my eyes off the young woman up on stage. I could hear the extras singing out the lyrics, even some of the crew members were bopping their heads and singing along.

She walked across the stage at the second verse right towards the Freddie actor and just like Fred and I did, they stood forehead to forehead singing the duet before she walked back out and went back to center stage. When the guitar solo came on, my eyes turned to Gwilym and he amazed me that he actually could do my hard rock solo.

After the song was over, the crowd applauded and cheered and I turned to the guys and hugged them and whispered into their ears.

"If this is you guys way of trying to get me to sign onto a biopic film......I'm highly considering it after seeing her."

"We'll introduce you later." Said Roger as we separated from the hug and we turned our attention back to the guys as We Will Rock you now began playing. I couldn't help myself by stomp my feet to the rhythm and mouth out the words.

I was just amazed by not only Gwilym's guitar playing but also the young man who moved just like how I remembered seeing Freddie move, using the mic stand as Fred always did (the cheeky man), even the facial expressions that he made were exactly like they were.

It wasn't until when 'We are the champions' came on that I could barely hold my tears in. Seeing not only Fred's actor but my actor singing the famed Queen anthem that has literally been played in every victory sport or award winning singing competition.

Seeing the two of them interact with each other, it was pure nostalgia.

By the end of the song, tears welled up in my eyes and I looked toward the heavens hoping that Freddie could see this and running through my mind I already knew what he'd say.

"Amazing jobs my darlings, not as fabulous as me but very, very close." When the extras and even some crew members cheered, Brian, Roger, Peter, Emily and myself all applauded and cheered for the boys and that's when the director called cut.

"This.....is gonna be a great movie." I said.

"I think so too. After just seeing them come together like that, I think we've finally casted the right people to play us." Said Brian.

"I agree you two, I'm liking what I've just seen so far." Roger said.

"And—I'm sure he would've liked this too." I said solemnly. I felt Roger gently rub my back and Brian said.

"I know he would."

After a few more takes of filming the Live Aid concert, the director said that it was enough for today. I walked around the set to find the producer Graham King and when I approached him I asked him.

"Graham tell me, who's the young man you got to play Freddie?"

"Oh his name is Rami Malek. His recent project was a show called Mr. Robot."

"Ahh yes I've heard of that, my Freddie is obsessed with that show. Never misses an episode."

"When we were casting Freddie I happened to come across an episode and when I saw him I—just thought I was looking at Freddie. So we brought him in, he gave us a mock interview as well as an audition that your boys saw when they first met him. And from then on it just fell into place. Do you approve of him? Is there a problem Mrs. Kline?"

"Absolutely not. Do you know where I can find Rami at right now?"

"Probably in hair and makeup getting undressed."

"Well, when he is done would you be so kind as to bring him to my trailer?"

"Of course (y/n)." I nodded in gratitude and walked off to my trailer.

I sat there once again on the chair looking through an old photo album. Each picture held a deep and personal memory for me, I thought back to the day that each picture was taken and remembered exactly what was going on at that very moment.

A knock was soon heard at my trailer. I composed myself with a deep exhale and said.

"Come in." the door opened and there without costume or the tache was Rami Malek.

"Graham said you wanted to see me Mrs. Kline?"

"Yes Rami, love please come in." he stepped inside and shut the door behind him. "Take a seat." I gestured towards the couch. He sat right where Joe had sat down earlier this morning and I said. "Would you care for a biscuit, or as Americans call them cookies?"

"Uhh yes please." I smiled and handed him a tray of biscuits I always kept around me (hey a woman's gotta have her sweet tooth fix right?) and handed him my best plate of chocolate chip cookies (all thanks to my mother in law's secret recipe). He thanked me as he took one and took a bite out of it. "Mmm. Oh my god," he cleared his throat and closed his mouth before finishing the biscuit up. "This is so good."

"Thank you, it was my mother in law's secret recipe. She passed it onto me shortly before Kelly was born." He took another bite of it and swallowed that piece before saying as he set it down on a napkin that I had also provided.

"What-what was it you needed to see me for Mrs.—"

"Before we continue, I'll ask you to call me the same way I've asked the other three of the band to call me. Call me (y/n)."

"Yes of course, (y/n). What was it you wanted to see me for? Is it to talk about what you saw out there? Did I screw it up already?"

"No, no dear relax. This is nothing in the way you're thinking." I saw him take a sigh of relief.

"Oh good. Cause I know I obviously wasn't the first choice for the job."

"In my books Rami, you should've been the first one to be called for the role."

"Really?"

"Oh yes, but first there's a couple of questions that I want to ask you that Brian and Roger might not have asked you, and I want you to answer them as Freddie would've."

"Okay." I smiled softly and stood up from my seat as I set the phot album aside.

"Who is Queen not without?"

"That's easy. It's you darling. There's no Queen without their beloved Rock Angel, and no Rock Angel without her four aging Queens." I felt my heart clench at hearing Rami speak with a British tone. The softness of his voice almost sounded identical to Freddie's voice. I turned towards him and walked towards the kitchen area of my trailer.

"Who is it that you trust the most?"

"Mary. Mary is the one I trust the most. For she knows me like no one else ever will." I reached the kitchen and rested my hand against the island.

"Who are you?" Rami looked at me before finally answering something that would forever stun me.

"I've been asked that all my life. By my family, student peers, professors, the entire world. I've been told who I should strive to be but I say fuck what they say. They don't define me. No, I decided who I am. I'm going to be what I was born to be. A performer who gives the people what they want." He pointed towards the ceiling as he whispered, "touch of the heavens." He dropped his hand before finally answering, "Freddie Fucking Mercury."

My lips quivered and I ducked my head as tears began falling down my face for—god knows how many times right now.

"Oh (y/n) I—I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry, I—did I say something wrong?" Rami said urgently as he stood up and stood in front of me.

"No." I choked out. I sniffled and that's when he handed me a tissue. Oh ever the kind gentleman and concerned about my wellbeing, just like Freddie was. "No you—you've prove to me that you know just who Freddie truly was."

"Didn't want to be put in a certain category or be stereotyped." He said. I nodded as I wiped my tears with the tissue he had given me.

"For as long as I have known Freddie, especially to his last, various people have chosen one of two sides. There's the one side that the press made him out to be. The one that-that—bastard Cohen wanted to portray Freddie as. The wild, crazed, homosexual drug addict. That he deserved what he had gotten because he was so reckless and stupid. That AIDS was his form of suicide. Never did I want to punch and murder so many people. Every time I got asked about whether Freddie's death was his own fault, I just wanted to rip the interviewer apart."

"I can see why. I bet a lot of true fans and the people who knew Freddie well would've done what you've felt like doing."

"But people like you Rami, who understand that Freddie wasn't just a frontman or greatest performer to ever live. That he did come from a harsh background but rose above all the trials and tribulations that came his way to define himself as he sought out to be. That's why he was my biggest idol." I grabbed the photo album and sat down on the couch and opened it up taking out a picture that was always a favorite of mine.

It was a picture that Deacy took of Freddie and I together just after my very first performance as the Rock Angel at Madison Square Garden. Fred's arms wrapped around me as he had picked me up, huge wide smiles were spread across our faces. I felt a dip on my left side I looked up to see Rami sitting close beside me. He looked down at the picture before saying.

"Was this your first performance?"

"Yes. Out of four members of Queen, it was Freddie Mercury who truly believed that I could make a name for myself in the industry. Taught me everything there was into getting the self-confidence I needed to get up on that stage. Sure we had our ups and downs, but through all the falls we had, he never gave up on me. He gave up on no one that he loved. And Rami," we looked at each other and I told him the utmost truth, "If he were alive today, he would've loved you."

He smiled as I gently touched his cheek and the two of us looked through my photo album of every picture Freddie and I took throughout the 11 years I knew him.

At the end of the day, just before the four boys left to go hang out at a pub nearby, I stepped in and offered.

"Why not have dinner over at my place boys?"

"Oh we couldn't impose." Said Joe.

"Nonsense Joe, I insist and I won't take no for answer. Plus it'll be a more homely environment. You boys can't live on catering and pub foods for the next several months to a year. No I absolutely won't have it."

"Best go along with her boys, she got her persuasion from the best there was." Roger added in.

"Well—if you think it's a good idea." Said Gwilym.

"Of course it is. Now come on, you four can fit in my car. Let's go. Meet you there Brian and Roger?"

"We'll be right behind you love." Said Brian. I gestured the boys to follow me to my car. Ben sat up in the passenger seat, Joe sat behind him, Rami was in the middle and Gwilym sat behind me. I turned the engine on and told everyone to buckle up (mama instincts what can I say?) and we pulled out of the gate and I drove us on home.

"So (y/n), what other kind of music do you listen to?" asked Joe.

"Whatever song has a good voice and a good beat, with no autotune I will love. You can look through my Spotify and see what I have." Ben took my phone out of the phone holder and turned around as Joe took over the controls and went to my Spotify.

"Wow there are a lot of songs. And I thought you would've just stuck with what you grew up on."

"Unlike most rockstars like Roger who think everything after 1979 basically became trash music with the rise of pop or as they called it 'disco'. I'm a little more open minded. But I deny all songs that use explicit language every three words, degrading women, or promotes violence."

"You even got some old Christina Aguilera songs on here?" asked Rami.

"Who do you think helped produce her?"

"Shut the front door. You produced Christina Aguilera?"

"Yeah. I even gave her rights to a song that I wanted to do. But even singing it brought back some old wounds. So since I was helping her produce her album at the time, I turned to song over to her."

"What song was it?" asked Ben.

"Fighter."

"Shut up! That was literally my jam."

"I can attest to that. Throughout the filming of The Pacific, he would never shut that song off when getting into Eugene's character for certain episodes." Rami rose his hand.

"Yeah. I have an entire playlist of some songs I helped produce or make. You can play that playlist if you'd like. Or my typical playlist my boys best songs."

"I think in the light of our first day filming, we should go with Queen. What do you guys say?" Joe asked.

"Agree."

"Yep."

"Oh yeah."

"Aright then Joe, we'll each pick our favorite Queen song. You're up first little Tim." He grinned and scrolled through my playlist until Somebody to love came up on the speakers. "Read my mind Joseph." The piano began playing and that's when I vocalized alongside Freddie and the five of us began singing the song at the top of our lungs.

The entire car ride contained each of us picking our top favorite songs. Ben did 'White Queen' which I commended on him cause people nowadays tend to forget the old Queen songs, Gwilym picked Love of my Life, Rami chose Radio Gaga, and I, of course chose Bohemian Rhapsody.

Thanks to Wayne's world (yes I saw the movie and yes it was silly but just the opening scene alone made the movie worth watching) we basically did the same motion by motion that those boys did in the film when the operatic section came on. And of course when the headbanging rock out came on, the boys proceeded to bang their hands while I did mine not as aggressively (responsible driving kids!)

We continued to rock out to the song and it wasn't until by the end of the song that we soon arrived at my home. I pulled the car up into the garage and hit the clicker button which opened up the garage door and I pull inside just as the last line came up and Roger's gong rang off. I shut the engine and said.

"Here we are boys, welcome to casa de la Kline." We all exited out of my car and right behind us as scheduled were Brian and Roger with Bri getting out of the driver's seat. "Bout time you two got here, I was beginning to worry that I'd need to call in an ambulance."

"We're old dear, not dead." Roger sassed at me.

"But I still love you old coots. Just like I said all those years ago."

"That I do remember, the day right after you got so shitfaced after your 21st birthday. You remember that Brian?" Roger said.

"Indeed I do Rog, I even remember what we did to her to get her to apologize, think we need to do it again?"

"That might have to be arranged."

"Oh no you guys don't! We're not doing that now, now let's get inside before we all catch a cold." I guided them all inside. Once we stepped through the backdoor of the garage I could already smell something cooking, and I knew who exactly was cooking at this rate. "Baby! I'm home!" I called out from the hallway.

We turned the corner and soon came to the kitchen where a young man of 19 (going on 20 in a couple months) stood by the oven. He shut it off and turned around. He was every bit like his father when I first met him back in '83, but he had my eyes. When he saw me, he softly smiled and I came up to him.

"Sorry I didn't call in advance telling you that we would have more guests than your uncles."

"No worries mom. You know I've always cooked way more than I should." I smiled and cupped his face and we kissed each other's cheek. "Uncle Brian, uncle Roger."

"Hello Fred." Brian greeted.

"Hey lad, how's school been?"

"Oh you know, NYU's a challenge but I manage." He then directed his attention towards the young actors but when he eyes landed on Rami, he quickly grabbed my arm and whispered to me. "You didn't tell me you'd be bringing Rami Malek to our house!"

"Again slipped my mind." I teased him.

"Mom how dare you bring my celebrity crush here without telling me, look at me I'm a mess."

"Oh you're fine. Now best behavior." I wrapped an arm around my son and said. "Boys, this is my youngest son Freddie Mercury Kline. Fred, these are the boys that will be playing your uncles. This is Joe Mazzello, he'll be playing your uncle Deacy. Ben Hardy who's playing your old uncle Roger."

"Watch it lion cub." Rog warned me. I gave him a cheeky look before continuing the introductions.

"Gwilym Lee will be playing your uncle Brian, and you know Rami, he'll be playing the man you were named after."

"Uncle Freddie?"

"Yes. And—from what I've seen so far, you'll finally get to meet him through the screen."

"I don't doubt that. I'm a big fan of yours Rami, your role in Mr. Robot has been—amazing."

"I'm honored."

"Alright since we've all had a long day today, let's get some grub. Everyone grab a plate." I grabbed some extra plates from the cabinet and handed four plates out to the actors and we all assembled around the island to grab a piece of lasagna, peas, mashed potatoes with gravy and Hawaiian rolls.

Once we gathered around the table I set out the iced tea Jack had made a couple of days ago as well as some champagne or wine. "Okay guys, before we dig in I want all hands on deck." I extended my hand out.

Freddie immediately placed his hand on top of mine, Brian and Rog soon followed after and it was then Rami, Gwilym, Joe and finally Ben placed their hands on top.

"Thank you for this family, thank you for this meal. Thank you for this day. It'll be a wild ride, but I feel this movie will soar, and—that this new family will forever stay." I said ending the traditional family prayer. The young actors looked at me with warm eyes and soft smiles.

"Alright, let's dig in. You boys will never eat the same way again once you taste (y/n)'s cooking." Roger said.

"That bad?" joked Joe. I gawked at the young cheeky actor.

"On the contrary she's the best chief on this side of London. Even when she was an intern she made us this one Christmas pudding that was to die for." Brian spoke on my behalf.

"It's true. She put all the other PTA mom's to shame when it came to my school's bake sales." Freddie said as he took a bite of his lasagna.

The entire dinner was filled with talks about our lives, stories and embarrassing moments in life. Not a single person was excluded from a conversation. After dinner, Rami and Gwilym helped Freddie with the dishes while I got some other scrapbooks out and bonded a bit with Ben and Joe about my time with Rog and Deacy.

"Now this Joe was taken during my first Japan tour. At the very garden where Queen went to near the Tokyo tower, Deacy refused to let me leave without having a cherry blossom crown."

"He seems to be doing good in the picture."

"Except one twig got so tangled in my hair it literally took 15 minutes just to get it out." We both laughed before I turned the page and found a great picture of me and Roger. "Now this picture Ben, both Roger and I have this picture, this was taken after my first Hyde Park performance."

"She performed to an audience of half of what Queen did when we performed at Hyde Park." Roger spoke.

"She could've performed for more but times changed and better security measure for the public's safety prevented it from happening again." Brian added.

"One thing's for sure, I was damn well proud of her for performing at her biggest crowd at the time just barely two years into her career." Roger spoke again. I looked up and winked at him.

"You guys really do have that father-daughter bond don't you?" Joe said.

"Have ever since she gave me the real 1 and 3/7th's sugar."

"It wasn't until Brian told me the next day that Roger just says that to pull people's leg. God I felt embarrassed after that."

"Aww lovie, but it was due to that I became your favorite. And I don't regret it as I'm sure you don't."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." As Gwilym, Rami and Freddie came back in I continued going through the scrapbook sharing my photos of my days with Queen with the boys, and allowing Freddie to finally hear all the stories that he was denied cause of my grief.

As the night got darker and darker, the young actors at this moment were so full of food and exhausted from a long day's filming they actually passed out along my living room. Joe and Ben cuddled up on the couch, Rami asleep on the recliner, while Gwilym was curled up along the loveseat.

Meanwhile I was watching over them and couldn't help but think it was like seeing my boys all over again. I remember back when I was still an intern and would see the guys all passed out whether at Freddie's parties or in the studio, I always had to provide the guys comfort (which I never minded). So seeing these four young men passed out just brought me a sense of nostalgia.

"I got the spare blankets mom."

"Thank you dear. Your uncles tucked in the spare bedrooms?"

"Uncle Brian's in the room across yours and dad's and uncle Roger is in Georgie's old room."

"Good boy." I then proceeded to cover up and adjust the young actors. I wrapped both Joe and Ben in the same blanket and closed Joe's mouth gently so that he wouldn't drool in his sleep, followed by giving them each a soft kiss goodnight. Without trying to wake him up, I uncurled Gwilym from his pretzel position and covered him up.

I gingerly stroked through his hair before placing a soft kiss to his temple. He groaned and lifted his head up which allowed me to place a pillow underneath him. He hummed in content as he snuggled into it. I then went over to Rami and adjusted the seat so that he would be more comfortable. Pressing the button on our automatic recliner, his legs slowly rose up before finally stopping in full recliner mode.

I tucked him in while looking down at him. God even without the tache it was like looking at Freddie from when I first met him in person at a concert, long before I became an intern. I gently kissed his cheek before faintly stroking his cheek.

Sitting outside along the deck, Freddie and I were looking up at the stars.

"So you think this movie's gonna be a hit?"

"Critics are always hard to please, no matter if it's music or movies. From what I've read of the script yes there's misinformation but that's why it's called a biopic. There's some truth but it's the touch of Hollywood in order to make the film not a boring documentary. But those four boys, they are just how I remember your uncles being when I not only worked with them, but grew up with them hearing their music."

"I wish I had gotten the chance to meet uncle Freddie." Fred said after a brief moment of silence. I turned to him to see him looking down sadly.

"So do I love. He would've loved you as much as he did your brothers and sister. And he would've been over the moon had he found that I had named you after him." I brought my baby close and he wrapped his arms around me as we both looked up at the moon and the stars together.

The star right by the moon glowed the brightest, the very same star that shined just as bright the night after the tribute concert we did back in '92. I couldn't help as a tear slid down my face and a smile spread across my face.

I knew that it was Freddie's star, telling me that he was watching us and that he was proud.

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