#I realised just as I was falling asleep that I forgot to add warnings | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spnexploration · 11 months

Text

Pack chapter 22

Pairing: Alpha!Dean Winchester x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Sam Winchester x Omega!Madison

Series summary: Omega!Reader is thrown into a world she's not expecting when her mate turns out to be a hunter, and she's not used to Alpha & Omega Pack dynamics.

Chapter summary: The morning after your night alone.

Chapter warnings: reader self-conscious including about her body, but nothing particularly detailed

Word count: 2.6k (long one!)

A/N: I forgot to add the last chapter to the masterlist when I posted it, which I have now done. Sorry about that! Make sure you read it first.

This fulfils the nesting square of my 2023 SPN AU bingo.

Series masterlist | Supernatural writing masterlist

Part 21 <- -> Part 23

“Good morning Y/N, how’d you sleep?” Sam asked as I trudged into the kitchen.

I just groaned in response.

He chuckled, “You really are perfect for Dean. There's fresh coffee if you'd like some.” I nodded and he fetched me a cup.

I was halfway through before I thought of sharing my news. “Dean messaged me when he got to Claire, at like 3am.”

“Yeah, he messaged me too. He said he's going to work the case with her today, then decide if they stay for tomorrow. I think he realises she'll rebel even more if he dismisses her work.”

I nodded, focused back on my coffee.

“So what are we doing today?” I asked when I was feeling more awake.

“That’s up to you. We can do some more lore if you'd like, you can spend the day reading or watching TV, or you can put yourself in Madison's hands and let her go crazy keeping you entertained.”

I laughed. “Maybe we can do some lore and then I'll see if I'm up for Madi entertainment.”

“Good choice. Grab some breakfast and then meet me in the library. I'll fill Mads in when she's out of the shower.”

---

Sam had me try reading some lore myself and try to make sense of it, all related to the topics we'd covered yesterday. I didn't realise how complicated killing monsters was!

After a while I was feeling tired and run down, so I headed off to Dean's room for a nap. It was probably just the poor sleep I’d had last night without Dean around. I snuggled into his pillow and fell asleep instantly.

---

I woke later. I was not feeling better. I felt so cold, but I was drenched in sweat. My joints ached, it was hard to move them at all.

It took a lot of effort, but I made it to the door finally. I was going to call out for Sam and Madi, hope that they had medication for whatever illness must've struck me down.

I opened the door but felt out of breath with the effort of crossing the room. I had to get my breath back before I could call out.

Suddenly, I heard hurried footsteps.

“Y/N?” Sam called, sounding worried. “We're coming.”

How did he know I needed him?

He rounded the corner a few seconds later, Madison hot on his heels.

“I think I'm sick,” I wheezed out.

“Omega, you're in heat,” he said gently. “I smelt it as soon as you opened the door.”

“But this feels- I've never felt like I was dying before!” I started to fall as I used up all my energy complaining. Sam quickly caught me and carried me back to Dean's bed. Now that he said it, I could feel slick gathering between my legs, but given how much sweat I was covered in, I hadn't really noticed before.

His phone started ringing. It said 'Claire Novak’ on the caller ID.

He answered and put it on speaker, “Hey Claire.”

“Sam! Dean just went into a rut and he is fucking mental! What the hell do I do?!”

I thanked my lucky stars that my body had settled on Dean, that our cycles had aligned. But now I just had to get to him, to be claimed. I shivered. What if my heat finished before I got to him?

“First, tell him Y/N is in heat,” Sam said to Claire. “It will reassure him some.”

“Sam says Y/N is in heat,” she said slightly muffled, like she'd turned the phone away. “He's growling, hang on.”

There were some strange noises and then Dean’s voice, much lower than normal, “Omega?”

“I'm here Alpha,” I managed.

“You... ok?” he sounded like speaking was hard for him.

“Yeah, I'll be ok.” I didn't want to tell him how unwell I felt.

Sam gave me a knowing look and said, “Alpha, can you put Claire back on? I'm going to work with her to get you two together.” Dean growled slightly throughout, but the sounds of the phone passing happened again.

“Sam?” Claire asked. “He didn't say anything, he just gave me the phone back.”

“Ok,” Sam continued, “The next thing you do is that you submit to him. If you start challenging him when he is in an unfilled rut, away from the Omega he is yet to claim, he is going to go feral. I recommend calling him 'Alpha’ and barring your neck if he gets antsy.”

“Great,” she deadpanned. The teenage sass was practically dripping.

“And then you get him back here, as fast as you can.”

“What about the case?” she asked petulantly.

“Claire, I promise, we will help you on this case. But this is literally the second time he has gone into a rut after finding his mate, their mating has already been threatened by factors outside their control. They cannot miss this opportunity. Plus I’ve got an Omega here who’s about to go through the worst heat of her life, she needs him.”

I gulped at Sam’s words.

“Ok, I get it. Sorry. I’ll get him back.”

“Thanks Claire.”

“Bye.”

Sam hung up and turned to me. “It's gonna be a while before they can get here, so we need to get you comfortable.”

“What- what if he doesn’t?”

“That's not going to happen. You've only just gone into heat, and even your normal heat probably lasts longer than one day?” I nodded. “This one is likely to be longer, and worse. Dean got to Claire in about half a day. There is plenty of time, Omega.”

I sniffled and he stroked my hair gently.

“How about we get you some painkillers and a cool bath or shower to try and drop this fever a bit, and then Madi can stay with you. I don't think you're going to want to be around another Alpha too much, but I'll help with the cooling down because I don't think you can hold yourself up right now. Does that sound ok?”

I nodded, too tired and achey to reply.

“I'm going to take off some of your clothes, ok?” I half-heartedly nodded. “Omega, I need your words. I'm not going to do anything you don't consent to.”

“Yes,” I mumbled.

“Ok, thank you.” He started to pull Dean's flannel off me and I whined. “I know, I know, we’ll get back to Dean’s scent as soon as we can. Now, bath or shower?”

I shrugged. He kept gently removing my clothes until I was in just my underwear. I wished he was Dean. Partway through Madi had brought me painkillers and water, but I didn't feel any better yet. Everything ached and every so often I shivered, although Sam assured me I was actually hot.

“I'm going to carry you to the bathroom, ok?” I nodded and he lifted me up bridal style. I leant my head on his shoulder and, whilst he smelled reassuringly like Pack, I just wanted Dean. I started to cry.

“I know, I know,” he murmured reassuringly. “We’re gonna get Dean back as fast as we can, ok? And you're gonna feel a bit better soon. You're gonna be ok.”

He made it to the bathroom where Madi was standing next to the full bath. “Ready?” he asked me.

“Yes,” I mumbled.

He went to his knees and lowered me into the water. It felt strange at first and I clung to Sam's neck, but after a few moments it felt better and I let go of him.

“Now, ordinarily we'd leave you alone, but I don't think you're well enough for that right now.”

I nodded. I felt too weak to do much more, which was probably Sam's point.

Madi wet a face washer and put it on my forehead. I lay back and closed my eyes. I was starting to feel a little bit better. My joints weren't aching quite as much.

I relaxed.

“Hey, hey,” Sam said, tapping my face. I didn't know how much time had passed. “No falling asleep in the bath.” I blearily opened my eyes and tried to glare at him. He chuckled, “I'm not about to let you drown in our own house.”

I started to get uncomfortable, trying to find a way to position myself. And the water was starting to feel cold. Sam must've noticed my fidgeting as he said, “How about we get you out?” I nodded. “You wanna try standing up?” I nodded again and he reached in, lifting me out and gently placing me on my feet on the mat. Madi wrapped me in a towel.

I was still too sore to do much other than whimper as Madi dried me off. It was like having the worst case of flu ever.

Slick flooded out of me into my wet undies and down my legs. I saw Sam's nostrils flare as he smelled it, and he swallowed thickly.

“Are- are you ok?” I asked him, suddenly worried that he might be unable to control his reactions.

“Yes, sorry I scared you. I'm not going to hurt you. The scent of Omega in heat is just a bit, uh, overwhelming to Alpha senses. But it's fine,” he said with a reassuring smile.

I felt like I knew what he meant. His Alpha smell was starting to get overpowering. I scrunched my nose up a little as I smelled him and he chuckled.

“I think you're entering the horny phase of heat,” Madi observed wryly. “Let's get you back to your room and we can kick Sam out before you start scratching him for getting too close to you.” Sam laughed.

“Huh?”

“I might have clawed Dean when he came into the kitchen and surprised me when I was in heat one time,” she said with a smirk. “He was literally just walking past but I, uh, reacted with claws before my brain engaged. Anyway, enough about me, I think you're dry enough.”

“Are you ok if I pick you up again?” Sam asked me.

I was still feeling weak and shaky, so I nodded. He lifted me into his arms and my skin started to crawl. I didn't like Sam touching me, he was wrong, wrong!

“It's ok, I'm going to put you down and leave in just a sec,” he murmured. I was holding myself tense, probably having my facial expressions tell the story of my discomfort.

I suddenly realised I was starting to growl.

I couldn't stop.

He placed me on Dean's bed and hastily backed away. I grabbed Dean's flannel and rubbed it over my face, utterly enthralled with its scent.

“Message me if you need anything,” he said to Madi. “I'll keep you in the loop if I hear anything from Claire or Dean.”

He left. I stopped growling.

“Alright, let's get you out of those wet things,” Madi said.

I tried to reach behind me to unclasp my bra, but my arms were too weak to undo it. I started to cry, scared and annoyed about what was happening to me.

Madi sat next to me and wrapped her arm around my back. “I promise, it'll get better. I think you're feeling rubbish right now partly because of your massive fever, and partly because you're away from your mate. When Dean gets here, I promise it will get better.”

“Omega biology sucks.”

“Oh, so much! Ruts look way easier to get through than the shit we have to put up with.”

“Was it like this for you? I didn't expect to feel this much like I’d been hit by a truck.”

“No, I had Sam with me. So whilst I felt bad when it started, we pretty quickly got to dealing with it. And it sucks you don't have Dean, but he is on his way. You just gotta hang in there for a bit longer.”

I sniffled. More slick flooded out of me, for no apparent reason, and I felt weirdly like my skin was missing something. I started to fidget, trying to work out what I was feeling.

“Ok, ok, before you get all antsy, let's get you in fresh clothes.” I’d almost forgotten my bra and undies were wet from the bath, so distracted by the various painful and strange sensations from my body. I let Madi help me out of them and into a pair of summer pyjamas.

I grabbed Dean's flannel again, rubbing it over me. Then I smelled his pillow, bringing that to me too. I tried to wrap them around me, whining when it wouldn't work.

“You ever built a nest before, Y/N?”

“Huh?”

“I think you’re trying to nest. Hang on,” she pulled out her phone and tapped away at it.

I couldn't focus on what she was doing, I was too busy trying to work out what to do with Dean's things. I'd positioned myself over his side of the bed, throwing back the covers so I could smell it better. I kept moving his pillow and his flannel around, but it just wouldn't do what I wanted. I was starting to shiver again, and Madison held her hand to my forehead.

“Fuck,” she muttered, “you're burning up again.”

A few moments later there was a knock at the door and Sam pushed a laundry basket of clothes in. I growled at him. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't help it. He quickly shut the door.

I finally smelt the clothes, now that Sam's wrongness had gone. Dean!! I reached out weakly to the basket and Madi picked it up and brought it to me.

“I asked Sam to get all of the clothes out of the hamper that were yours or Dean's and smelled like Dean. I thought you might like to use them in your nest.”

I purred at her and set about arranging the clothes. I don't think I've ever purred in my life.

I had to admit, now that I was putting things where they felt most right, I was clearly making a nest on the bed. I was surrounding myself in Dean's scent, picking up each item and carefully deciding where exactly to put it.

Once it was done, I tried to position myself in it. It wasn't big enough. It wasn't quite right. I wanted Dean!! I whined.

My skin was feeling strange again. I tried to scratch it to make myself feel better. But it wasn't quite itchy? It was something else. I rubbed it. Yes, that was better. But it still wasn't right.

I moved my hands around on my body. It felt a bit better. But not enough. Now I was getting frustrated that it wasn't feeling better enough.

I whined again.

“Where are your toys?” Madi asked me.

“What toys?”

“Sex toys. Can't you tell you’re getting super horny?”

Oh. Maybe that's why my skin felt weird. And why it didn't feel like the right touching. It didn't feel like normal arousal, and I’d been so distracted by everything else, I hadn't even recognised it.

I moved my hands lower. I slipped my fingers under the waistband of my shorts and approached my clit. Fuck it was sensitive right now!

I tried to get Dean's scent. I tried to find the best way to be in my nest. I tried to rub myself, but it felt like trying to tickle yourself. I wasn’t getting anywhere. My skin was crawling again and my joints were aching. I was so annoyed!

Madi appeared in front of me. I had forgotten all about her. She held out her hand.

“Try this,” she said as she handed me a vibrator. “Trust me.”

Taglist:

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@lyarr24

@waynes-multiverse

@leigh70

@malindacath

@ellie-andthemachine

@iprobablyshipit91

@muhahaha303

@globetrotter28

@deans-spinster-witch

@kazsrm67

@foxyjwls007

@iamsapphine

@saranghaey

@yarafae

@sassy-pelican

@tristanrosspada-ackles

@the-family-business67

@babygirl-one-and-only

@leila22rogers

@supernatural--whore

@nerdymuffinbonkcloud

#alpha!dean winchester #alpha!dean winchester x omega!reader #dean winchester x reader #a/b/o #protective!dean winchester #protective!sam winchester #alpha!sam winchester #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #dean winchester x you #supernatural x reader #supernatural reader insert #spn a/b/o #dean winchester hurt/comfort #sam winchester hurt/comfort #alpha!claire novak #claire novak

82 notes · View notes

aslongasican · 6 days

Text

here i am

this blog became my safe zone and i really appreciate doing this for myself, hoping no one ever sees all of it

so yes, here i am. hoping that my tears would make me so tired to fall asleep but i guess it does not really work. i also have made a playlist that fits my mood.

i just had a switch. cannot believe i have spent so much time thinking about him instead of writing my master thesis. now i realise how do i feel. time to make tight schedule and fucking fix my mental state but also train enough to put all the anger and sadness out. i can do it. i did harder stuff.

oh how do i wish i could hug him. i really imagined everything possible on this planet there is to have, to have with him. and for me distance was not a problem. for the first time. for me. for someone who needs it. needs to beloved in person. he was always on my mind. always by my side. always somewhere here. and that fwing location on apple truly helped me having him here. all the time. i just fooled myself i guess. “my feelings are not the same” he said. “i have to see you more often” he said, without trying to do so. “city where i am planning to move to is two hours from yours” he said. that’s a lot for someone who has no love, yes. for me two planets would be nothing. “i love you”, “you will always be important to me”, “don’t feel bad”, “i don’t want you to feel bad”, “you have your life”, “volim te”, “i didn’t know how to say this”, “i was afraid”, “you are the best”. i wanted to add something but it slipped of my brain. it was upper important. i will add it if i ever remember. he also said “maybe when i move to your country…”, once though. but i hope by the time he comes to my country my life will be back to normal. i will heal. i know it. i also hope i have a decent conversation about all of this once again when we meet in his country. to tell him that i really hope once he is ready for love he will find someone who was ready to give everything, and when i say everything i really mean it. “remember all the good times we had together please”. haha. how to forget it you stupid. i thought it was a beginning of something for forever. oh my god how naive. i cannot comprehend. i wish i was the one for him too. but he let me go so fast. without a warning. without a doubt. haha. “call me whenever you need, i am here for you”. i wish to see that. can you imagine someone being there for you more after the breakup then during the relationship itself hahahahahahhaha. show. what a stupid boy. i think he muted my instagram stories. can you imagine.

today was super hard day btw. it was a 3 years after a close family member died. i was at the graveyard whole day. exhausted. by the time i got his call my emotions and tears were all gone.

i got him a stupid pillow. fw your stupid pillow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god. what did i do to myself. how not to get attached so fast, how to stop believing people in general that they are there for me. i feel so abandoned i cannot even imagine. and past several weeks EVERYONE was fwing asking about him. AGH.

he was my friend. or i thought so. i could be who i am, say whatever i think, recommend what i want to do, enjoy myself and his presence at the same time. but no. no. no. it appears that i am just so stupid.

so what’s the girl to do? buckle up and don’t be a placipicka. daughter of the sun. let it go. as always. as always i get a thicker part. who knows why is it good. i will survive. oh my head starts hurting because of crying. it’s been a long time. but i also don’t remember crying this much like ever. and not only since we splited, but also during our time together. i wasn’t truly happy i guess. well, good school. estoy emprendiendo mis emociones y sentimientos con el tiempo.

wish we were only friends from the beginning.

i try to go to sleep and i hope to remember that one thing i forgot but it is really important.

good night to me

0 notes

sign-from-god-complex · 5 years

Text

Caretaker

Summary: Autistic! Sides! Logan is a little too caught up with his work and Patton reminds him to look after himself first.

Pairing: Platonic logicality

Warnings: Food mention and that’s it I think!

Tag list: @mutechild @super-magical-wizard

A/N: I know this isn’t a whole lot on its own, but I wanted to do some autistic sides content so I thought (read: hoped) it was good enough. I was thinking I could (over time) write one for Patton taking care of/helping each of the sides in different ways and then one of them all helping Patton, cause I love stuff like that.

AO3 Link

"Logan? When was the last time you had something to eat?"

Logan looked up from his laptop blankly, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the dim light of the room. He was aware Patton had said something, but he wasn't 100% sure what exactly it was he had said, his mind far too caught up in his work.

He'd had the perfect idea for his astronomy paper earlier that morning, right in the middle of drinking his first cup of coffee, and had immediately wrapped himself up in getting it all written out and edited. The fact that the paper didn’t need to be handed in for another month was mostly irrelevant. It would certainly be useful to be a little bit ahead of the other students, plus this idea was far too good to let slip away regardless of the due date.

"I'm sorry, what was that, Patton?" Logan adjusted his glasses, semi-absentmindedly taking in his roommate’s form in the partially darkened room.

Patton was sitting upright in the armchair across from Logan—presumably indicating a serious discussion—leaning forward slightly—likely to show engagement in the present conversation, potentially also to appear less intimidating—and giving a—reassuring? kind? worried?—smile. All relatively common body language displays from him; nothing too out of the ordinary.

Logan wasn’t entirely sure when he’d arrived in the position he was in but, taking into account Patton’s almost constant sensory seeking and the lack of stim toys or blankets in his possession, Logan would assume it hadn’t been long.

"I asked when you'd last had something to eat, Lo," Patton said, tilting his head to the side—curiously? interestedly?

Logan hummed, returning his gaze to his paper, only vaguely continuing to pay attention to Patton. "Virgil brought me a chocolate bar not too long ago."

He skimmed the paragraph he’d just written, quickly refamiliarising himself with the point he was attempting to make.

"And did you eat it?"

There was something in Patton’s tone that made Logan pause. Of course, he'd eaten it! …hadn’t he? Chancing a look down at the table in front of him, Logan caught sight of the whole, still wrapped chocolate bar Virgil had brought him—sitting in plain view of Patton. Oh.

"It would appear not."

Logan watched as Patton sighed, scrunching up his face a little—in pain? annoyance? really, he had no idea—before speaking again. “Lo, I know you’re still kinda hyperfocusing but do you think you could come with me to grab some food?”

“Why would you require my companionship in order to eat?”

Patton screwed up his face again and Logan had a distinct feeling that he wasn’t grasping something that was vital to his understanding of this conversation. Truthfully, that was how Logan felt about most conversations, however, this was something beyond the realm of his regular confusion.

“Sorry, I didn’t phrase that well.” Patton began to scratch lightly at the chair he was sitting on. Logan’s mind immediately latched onto the sound, almost entirely blocking out Patton’s next words. “I meant, can you come with me so I can get you something to eat? Please?”

Logan blinked. He shut his laptop, recognising this was something he should appear slightly more involved in, even if he wasn’t entirely sure of the reasoning. He desperately wanted to continue working on his paper—he was halfway through a really interesting train of thought that he didn’t want to lose—but he owed Patton more than that.

“Why?”

Patton didn’t look offended by the question—he knew Logan wasn’t being snarky, he was genuine.

One of the best things about having entirely neurodivergent or autistic roommates was, despite them having their own difficulties and strengths, they were at least all aware of the things the others struggled with.

For example, Virgil had the most trouble with verbal communication, as well as having issues with becoming easily emotionally overwhelmed. Because they knew this, it resulted in the three of them being more cognizant of situations that could prove to be challenging to Virgil, or for that matter, any of them.

The level of communication in neurodivergent circles, Logan had found, was infinitely superior to the level of communication in neurotypical circles—something he personally appreciated a great deal. It was impossible to comprehend what people were trying to get across if they didn’t simply say what they meant; he didn’t understand this obsession neurotypicals had with making conversations more difficult than they needed to be.

“I’m worried about your wellbeing, that’s why,” Patton replied, pausing his scratching to pick up a stim toy from the table in front of him, “You haven’t eaten all day.”

“All day?”

Logan frowned. That seemed like a curious choice of words. After all, it could only be… What? 12 pm at the lates-

“Lo, it’s 8 pm.”

Ah, there it was.

At the revelation of the amount of time that had truly passed since he’d sat down to begin his paper, Logan abruptly became more aware of his surroundings, almost as if being pulled out of a dream. The appearance of the room, though once so hazy and unimportant, was forced into clarity and Logan had to take a second to process.

It was dark. He had noticed it was dark and yet he hadn’t until this exact moment realised the significance of that. It was also quiet—good for his focus, presumably not very good for his awareness—so he could assume that Virgil and Roman had retired to their own rooms.

His alarms had probably been going off all day and he hadn’t paid them any attention in the slightest. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had something to drink. Was it that coffee this morning? His throat was so dry, he was lucky he didn’t have a headache.

Patton’s concern seemed infinitely more warranted now.

Logan furrowed his brow, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. “I see.”

“Mmhmm,” Patton hummed. He threw the stim toy back onto the table before bouncing up out of the chair and over towards Logan. “So, you okay to come and get food with me now? I might even throw in some Crofter’s for dessert…”

If Logan wasn’t already prepared to accept Patton’s suggestion of food, the mention of his samefood certainly would have been enough to get him there.

He wondered, with enough convincing, whether Patton would make him Crofter’s waffles for dinner. Normally Logan felt very strongly about only eating breakfast foods for breakfast, but considering this entire day had been a disaster as far as routine was concerned—and if Logan thought about that for more than a second his chest started to tighten and his hands started to twitch—he supposed he might as well ask.

It would throw his whole week off, no doubt, but quite honestly, he felt like today was going to accomplish that whether he ate waffles for dinner or not. And at the present moment, Logan was willing to risk it regardless, solely to obtain a fraction of the comfort Crofter’s waffles brought him.

He stood up from the couch, wincing slightly at the way his muscles protested the movement. Despite all the work he’d managed to get done, staying in essentially one position for over ten hours definitely had its disadvantages. “Yes, Patton. That would be ideal.”

Logan threw in a, “thank you,” for good measure—it always paid to show gratitude to people when they were doing you a favour, and Patton appreciated good manners.

It was the kind of thing Logan had come to realise was quite important when sharing a living space with someone. He couldn’t say he had been all that polite in the past, but every time Virgil left his dirty dishes in the sink or Roman woke him up by singing Disney songs in the hallways, Logan understood Patton’s perspective just that little bit more.

Patton lit up at the response, his face breaking out into a grin and his whole body doing a small wiggle—happiness; that one Logan was absolutely sure of. He’d had enough exposure to Patton’s pleased stims to be able to recognise them when they happened.

Plus, he may or may not have whole sections of his notebooks dedicated to his roommates’ stimming habits—as well as sensory preferences, triggers and anything else Logan deemed important—but that was neither here nor there.

“Good,” Patton said brightly and before Logan even noticed he was moving he was grabbing a hold of Logan’s hand and pulling him into the kitchen.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #logan sanders #patton sanders #platonic logicality #logicality #autistic sides #lo can write #(also if I did continue it #which I probably will even if it takes a while #would y'all prefer I kept it platonic or made it lamp?#cause I'm cool with either)#I realised just as I was falling asleep that I forgot to add warnings #like there really weren't any I don't think but still #had to come back downstairs and boot everything up to do that hahah

372 notes · View notes

dolliedarlin · 3 years

Note

Hi I’m one of the anons who’s obsessing over the P.A series!!!!! For some reason my brain has been full w diff things that could happen IDKKK! Hope u don’t mind if I dump a few....

TW: this is A bunch of rambling and some grammar errors LMAO sorry

Idk y I c y/n having a stalker💀 this prob sounds rlly weird but hear me out. (To add drama, also I Lowkey wanna c Mina,Sero and kiri get mad idk y-)

Since we all know y/n is the baddest most sophisticated b*tch (sorry idk if I’m allowed to cuss or not LMAO) her Ex lover is still obsessed w her and thinks that they are soulmate even tho they obv aren’t. I feel like y/n knows he stalks her but she ignores it until it gets worst. Like he found out where she lives. (He finds out where she lives while she’s sick which is now loll)

Anyways I feel like Mina would be over at y/ns place and since she’s getting better they are In her living room talking abt who knows what and y/n gets a knock on her door she goes to open it and admittedly closes it looking shocked. Mina being a pro hero is supposed to be able to read body language. Mina ask her if everything is Alr and y/n OFC (stupid a**) says yes. Mina didn’t want to keep pressing the issue so she dropped it until it became a reoccurring thing with y/n and it’s not just her that noticed. She (y/n) is extremely hesitant to open the door and when she does she opens it a little bit. (And then idk her EX does crazy like breaks into her apt and scares the sh** outa y/n) THIS IS WHERE MY BIG IDEA STOPS 😭😭😭😭😭😭 that was a lotta rambling my apologies

Have a great day dollie!

oh no! please don’t feel bad, it’s always fun for me seeing what you dolls would want to happen next

although i don’t plan on bringing any psycho exes into ‘the p.a’ series, as a writer and an avid daydreamer, i can’t help but play around with this idea

warning: there are brief mentions of violence ; this is not a part of ‘the p.a’ series but is just a little thought that i just couldn’t help but try my own hand at also ; i didn’t edit this either 😂 so kindly forgive any grammatical/spelling mistakes

continuing on from your idea...

⏤mina, having the sneaking suspicion that something bad might happen to you that night, notifies the rest of the group later on that day

⏤usually, bakugou was in charge of you during the night and always sat in a chair beside your bed on high alert, ready to serve your every need...

⏤BUT!

⏤now that mina told them about your suspicious behaviour, all of them were put on high alert.

⏤they all agreed to keep you unaware of their intentions by having bakugou take care of you like usual but they made sure that when on the night patrol, they were close by with their radios on and constantly being hyper aware of the shortest route to your residence from wherever they were situated - just in case of an emergency

⏤naturally, they trusted bakugou with keeping you safe but that didn’t mean that they had no worries for you at all

⏤seeing as you usually feel asleep before bakugou switched with the sero, who took care of you in the late evening, you were under the impression that you were alone at home

⏤your current condition disallowed you from comfortably staying awake so you were constantly tossing and turning in bed, brows furrowed and sweating more than usual

⏤”what is she dreaming about?” bakugou utters in frustration as he continues to wipe away the vastly accumulating sweat rom your wrinkled brows

⏤he wasn’t frustrated at you no no, he was annoyed at the fact that he couldn’t make you comfortable no matter how many wet towels he uses to cook your forehead or wipe your sweat clean off your skin

⏤as the night progresses, you eventually fall into a dreamless sleep, far too exhausted to continue stressing over your ex with the added burden of your fever on your body

⏤nevertheless, bakugou continues being on high alert at all times except for when he momentarily leaves to room so as to go to the toilet

⏤this was the perfect opportunity for your crazy ex to sneak into your room via the window bakugou left ajar so as to help cool you down better

⏤your ex was a creepy and disgusting man - someone that you had grown to dislike the more you got to know him and naturally left as quickly as you were able to

⏤what followed was harassment to the highest degree, thankfully you were able to protect yourself due to your self defence training and quirk, however, it didn’t take away the shuddering feeling of being watched constantly

⏤you grew paranoid and extremely fidgety over time and eventually filled for a restraining order. unfortunately, that didn’t work and left you to deal with the situation yourself

⏤you were naive enough to think that you had shaken him after a particularly horrible beating he took from you in self defence. he had come at you with a knife but you were able to disarm him and send him limping home with a dislocated arm, a black eye and a bruised ribcage

⏤over time, you got busy with work and slowly forgot about him, it wasn’t until today that you were reminded of his crazy obsession with you and were thrown into a panic

⏤believing that you were alone at night and in your most vulnerable state, you didn’t feel safe and sought to deal with the situation however you could, even in your dreams

⏤all attempts were in vain, however

⏤bakugou, returning from his momentary break to the toilet came back just in time to see your creepy ex hovering over your sleeping figure. as if you sensed the unpleasant existence stalking you, your body stiffened under the blankets and you began to breathe uncomfortably, beginning to sweat bucket-fulls once more

⏤not wanting to disturb your sleep as rest was the top priority for you, bakugou crept up from behind the unknown figure and instantly went for his neck, choking him into silence as he dragged his thrashing figure outside, far away from you all the while sending a emergency signal to the rest of the squad

⏤in no time at all, the rest of the squad arrived and had your crazy ex cornered. at this time he had already been tied up by bakugou and was ready for a quick chat

⏤”what the hell were you doing with our yn?” kirishima began, sharp teeth grinding together as he clenched his jaw

⏤silence

⏤”speak up, we can’t fucking hear you,” bakugou spat as the others glared on from beside him, their eyes piercing through the moonlight and darkness of the night

⏤”y-yn isn’t yours - that’s the first thing,” your ex finally cracked, giggling creepily in between

⏤”you’re right,” sero began, “yn doesn’t belong to anyone so why were did you break into her house,” it took everything in sero not to lash out but they needed answers

⏤”wrong again!” your ex sang, “she doesn’t belong to you, she belongs to me! i’m her boyfriend!”

⏤”yn doesn’t have a boyfriend,” kaminari spoke up

⏤”that’s right! and if she did, we would have known,” mina agreed

⏤“that’s because she doesn’t know it yet, we broke up but we’ll get back together again soon” the tied up man giggled to himself, “it’s only a matter of time before she realises her mistake and she comes back to me,”

⏤the team of heroes didn’t know what to say, they were so shocked and appalled at what they were seeing and hearing that they couldn’t bring themselves to utter a single word of response, they only listened further

⏤”i hoped she’d come back soon, anyway...but i was getting impatient so i had to try and convince her a little more. she’s been ignoring my love for her all this time, she can’t continue rejecting me for long...” he laughs, “i bet she misses it”

⏤“miss what...?” bakugou didn’t want to know but it had to be said

⏤”i bet she misses being with me. she’s so beautiful and so soft to the touch, she always smells good too and she has such a lovely voice - i want her all to myself, she doesn’t deserve to be anybody else’s”

⏤it was then that the team of heroes just about lost their minds. the creep before them didn’t say anything explicit but the madness in his eyes and the harrowing smile he was displaying was off putting. they dread to imagine what a lowlife nasty sob like him put you through but they saw flashes of unforgivable scenes that sent all of them into insanity

⏤someone so precious to them didn’t deserve any such treatment. you may not have disclosed anything to them strict on being professional but if this man was willing to break into your house...they were fearful to think about what else he was capable of

⏤he deserved a beating from that act alone, actually, and a beating he got

⏤they could’ve killed the guy - they were more than tempted to and it would have been so easy...but he deserved to suffer in jail for his crimes against you so they held back no matter how painful that was for them

⏤the very next day, under their authority and recommendation, the man was locked up for as many years as they could tally up and seeing as they were heroes, they were able to look into his past documentations and found you had filed a restraining order for him under harassment, assault and a number of other things they grew all the more furious at the more the read

⏤they would prefer it if you didn’t realise what they did that night but the media couldn’t let the story of 5 high class pro heroes sending a singular, beaten man to jail for life

⏤your creepy ex’s battered photos were all over the news and you were so incredibly grateful

#love; dollie #precious anon #not part of the pa series #just a little imagining #this was fun

171 notes · View notes

shdwwlkrsblog · 3 years

Text

Another naruto boys quarantine with ya , Idk if i should make a girls version so if you want one tell me

In here are

the founders

(Hashirama , tobirama , madara)

Warning : cursing , if i forgot to add something tell me

Masterlist

Tobirama

Tobirama is a bit not tobirama

He will still wake up early and do work

But his clingyness went UP

Working on something without you in his lap ? Impossible

And now to the real stuff

Tobirama will not shut up about how dangerous that virus is

Did I mention that he wants to clean everything?

Mentions very often that you should be careful because he doesn't want to loose you

But when he finally relaxes it's the sweetest thing on earth

He sits on the couch and go by ? Too bad whatever you wanted to do , now is cuddle time

This idiot will hug you like a teddy gets hugged from a child

"tobirama i wanted t- "

"No"

"but"

"no you stay here "

What you mean what's that? Daily quarantine conversation what else

Tobirama gets so clingy and soft to you he will feel broken if you really trie to leave the hug

But if you tease him about being clingy

Crumpyrama mode activated

Don't ask me why but he gets crumpy about it and it's sometimes funny

Ofc your gonna tease him more and be like

"okay so I can leave to water the plants "

"no "

"thought you aren't crumpy?"

"hmph"

Then he will play annoyed and be like " I don't need to cuddle with you"

But if you do the same , be ready to hear a sorry from this man .I'm honest clingy tobs will say it

But he doesn't do anything much besides that in quarantine

Hashirama

Lmao cuddle addicted don't need to say more

He has you 24/7 In his arms or is near you

I don't mean the near with bit of distance I mean like he's clued to you

But that's one thing another is surviving him , he's a hyperactive child .

new google translater but he messes so much up

Hola mi liebe how geht dir? (Spanish German english mashup means hello love how are you ?)

Hashi is that even a language?

What u mea-?

*realises he messed up *

Nooooo not again I learned so much

Feels sad about it for few minutes til he forgets about it because he's playing with your hair

He's so into it you can call his name and he will tell you to wait because he's in a fight lmao

But less of child part if he's tired he just goes towards you picks you up and goes to the nearest place you can cuddle

If you don't want to ? Oh be ready to see the saddest face

When hashi heard about people trying to learn instruments he wanted to give it a try

He ended up playing flute extremely good

Madara

Quarantine rules? What's that

He is going out with no one noticing it and you're like "how?"

But all good came to an end , he got caught and 3 extra quarantine weeks for you both

But quarantine with him isn't bad anyways , long cuddles in the morning , chilling and watching movies with him

And mads is softer than before , he isn't That clingy but ...

Come here y/n i want cuddles

Yep he won't drag you but he will call for you

But if you say no , it's okay mads just gonna read something

But if you ignore him

You know when I said he won't drag you to him ? It's a lie

I'll take that as a yes now cuddle with me

But madara I need to

Cuddle with me

But

Now

But when you both cuddle and you complain about it being boring?

Then here ya go take a madara that reads for you hope it's less boring now

His voice while reading is soft and calm and hella relaxing

And it will make you fall asleep , and bring a smile to his face

When you're asleep he will shut the book quietly and relax with you

His arms wrapped around you and few minutes later he's asleep too

Still having a slight smile on his face

Besides that nothing much happens with him in quarantine

He will let you style his hair sometimes

First time you did it he expected you to mess it up but when he saw the small deko flowers and how beautiful it was he decided to let you do it again

And again

And again , you just did it too great he will ask you to style it

And let's be honest who doesn't want to style it?

A/n: I know I messed it up and it's not perfect but anyways hope you still liked it , I'm planning making a naruto girl version of this but not sure if i should so tell me if you want one

-shad

202 notes · View notes

wissbby · 4 years

Text

Boyfriend head-canon - Oikawa Tо̄ru

⤙ Summary: basically, a head-canon about how I imagine Oikawa in a relationship. ⊹ Genre: fluff, smut and a tiny bit of angst ⊹ Word count: 1779 ⊹ Warnings: NSFW ⤙ Author’s note: this head-canon is a bit bigger than I anticipated. I still feel like I’m missing so much more so I might edit this in the future and add onto it. For now, I hope you just enjoy it :)

So, let's say you and Oikawa got together.

I don't see Oikawa as someone who opens up easy. It takes the man a lot of time and trust so you'll have to be patient if you want to develop a relationship with him.

You must've been (very very good) friends before he even sees you as a potential significant other.

I've seen a lot of Haikyuu fans bashing on the man because of that one scene with Kageyama. They don't realise that Oikawa was at his lowest point during this moment and was overall just doing very, very bad.

It's also a scene where we get to see Oikawa's fakes finally breaking down.

You need to show Oikawa you're there for him, even if he pushes you away at the very beginning.

He's afraid to show you his insecurities, even if you're already aware of them in the first place.

He's just so so afraid of losing you. He’s afraid you’ll leave him behind once you get to see the other -not so pretty- side of him.

So, try to break him,

in a good way, of course.

Also, give him a lot of space. And by this, I mean, give the man attention but let him do his things like he always has done.

Even though you're now his partner, Oikawa is still selfish in that perspective. He won't try his hardest best to change his schedule for you.

You know volleyball is important to him, right? So you must understand why he won't do so.

Trust me,

He'll come back running once he realises this kind of behaviour was the exact reason his ex broke up with him.

"I'm so sorry. It's just- I'll try harder."

And if Oikawa says so, he really means it. This man keeps his promises, I'll give him that.

He's just very insecure about a lot of things, though he might not show that side of him immediately.

If you've come across the point where Oikawa fully knows he's accepted by you, he'll show you his true colours.

Expect him to break down in front of your -yet to be opened- front door.

Just take the man inside and comfort him.

He likes to be pampered.

Now, onto a bit more fluffy stuff.

This man is one hundred per cent the affectionate type.

If he wants to feel your skin, he will do anything in his power to do so.

Out in public but suddenly craving you? He's kissing your forehead and pushing you against his chest while holding your waist with his right arm and intertwining your hands with his left hand.

Together in one's bedroom? He'll either plop on top of you, burying his head into the crook of your neck with his body all over yours or will push you against his chest and let you rest your head in the crook of his neck while running his hands slowly through your hair until he hears your evening breaths.

He just likes to know you're still there with him.

Sorry buddy's, it's the insecurities.

It's also a way of apologising for the time he loses with you because of volleyball. He tries his hardest best to make the time you two have unforgettable.

If he finally got a day off, he will one hundred per cent take you on a date.

Expect this man to go all out.

Clothes, shoes, accessories, oh yeah, and the date itself too

He almost forgot about that, but let's ignore that for now

Okay, so these are the type of dates he would definitely take you on,

Coffeeshop dates, picnics, star-gazing, home-theatre.

Let me explain each date

Coffeeshop dates: it has to be one of those cosy, very warm atmosphere shops. He likes to see a lot a brown, dark green, some orange and of course, plants. It's an aesthetic the pretty setter loves to be surrounded by to unwind from everything going on.

It's also a perfect colour palette for his Instagram feed.

He'd wear a grey sweater with vinyl pants and -of course- wear his glasses to add to the look.

This mf is actually blind without them but only wears them when they match his outfit.

Anyway,

Picnics: Oikawa would take care of everything. The only thing you need to do is just be there. He likes to lay down with you, telling you about his day/week. The pretty scenery above your heads and in front of you keeps amazing him. He will never get tired of the prettiness Mother Nature offers. Bonus!! Bring him milk bread and he’ll spin you around before settling you back on the ground and pecking your lips ever so slightly.

Star-gazing: I see Oikawa as an intelligent human being. Besides that, he is very curious about various things. He almost always has a question about something. If he feels romantic or just simply wants to see you, he’ll call you when the sun has set, telling you he is waiting for you outside. I know for a fact that this dude has some secret hide-out since he was a child. He hasn’t shared it with anyone, not even Iwaizumi, because it was his spot to completely shut the outside world out. He really doubted whether he should tell you about it or not. But, he wanted to show you himself, all of him. He loves you too much to let you be apart of that “outside world”. Arriving at the spot, he would lay down with you in the tall grass, eyes immediately fixating on the bright stars. He would point out the zodiac signs, telling you some facts about his sign and yours (yes, he did his research). On the court, Oikawa feels big. He feels big with his team and is not afraid to lose if it were with them. But now that he lays underneath the big open sky, he realises how tiny he is in this universe. He starts to think about how lucky he is to have met you in this big universe. Expect some sappy shit and maybe some tears if he feels vulnerable.

Home-theatre: sometimes, it’s better to stay indoors with your loved one. And Oikawa completely agrees with that. After a long week of school or work he just likes to unwind. Now, he would invite you over. And girl- when I tell you what he did. You didn’t exactly expect a fort in front of his television. But then again, we are talking about Oikawa here. It’s adorable, though. There are fairy lights all over the place, candles lit and an unnecessary amount of pillows and fluffy blankets. You both lay down and pick a movie. Settling on “Ponyo” because Oikawa once mentioned the drawing style makes him feel at ease. This man has one of his arms either wrapped around your figure or intertwined his fingers with you. He prefers to have you cuddled into him, whether that be spooning or laying on top of his chest. He just likes to keep you close. It’s these moments Oikawa cherishes the most: the domestic ones.

Let’s hope I fed you enough fluffy content because I’m ready to flip the switch once again.

Like I mentioned before, Oikawa is a curious man.

And this also applies to kinks.

I know for a fact he is not scared to try out new things. He just wants two things: trust and honesty.

He wants you to trust him and trust you. He also wants you and him to be as honest as possible.

Do you not like something even though he seemed to be into it? Tell him, he wants it to be as equally enjoyable for you as it is for him.

Now, I’ve seen a lot of headcanons telling Oikawa is a switch with sub tendencies.

I’m only gonna have to agree on the first part.

This kid is, indeed, a switch. However, he is more of a switch with dom tendencies, in my eyes.

Big on praise, like, very big.

Secretly likes receiving more than giving, but you never heard that from me.

He also is into slight bondage. Handcuffs, ropes etc.

He likes to tie you up and block your sight. It makes him feel in control.

Also, the way you squirm whenever he’s breathing or whispering into your ear when you least expect it, gets him rock hard every time.

However, do the same to him and he’ll obey.

After being the fattest brat ever, of course.

#pegoikawa2020

Some other kinks he has are breath play, cockwarming, degradation, role-play, overstimulation, pain, food-play, stockings, cute lingerie and sadism.

(There are so many more kinks he likes and I want to go into detail about all of these but this shit will get too long so I won’t. Request if you want to see what I’d say about his kinks.)

He can go all out.

But Oikawa prefers the more gentle sex where you just take time to enjoy each other’s carcasses.

Is super vulnerable whenever that happens and has indeed broken down a couple of times during the act.

He can’t help it: he loves you too much that he can’t even keep on that facade anymore.

Aftercare with this baby is so cute.

If the previous moments were a lot rougher, he likes to check up on you and praise you for your work.

However, he gets you a glass of water and a towel to clean up the mess every time.

When taken care of, he likes to plop down and just hold you as close as possible. Usually runs his fingers through your hair to confirm you’re still there with him.

Falls asleep real quick, ngl

If I can give you a piece of advice: get up the morning after to make him breakfast

It’s something small but Oikawa really feels loved whenever he’s taking care of

Asks you to take place beside him and shares his breakfast with you

Yes, he is the type to put food into his mouth and share it with you with the help of a kiss that transfers the piece of food into your own mouth

Mornings like these are intimate and Oikawa cherishes them the most

Usually followed by just a lazy day of enjoying the presence of one another and probably some romance anime or Black Mirror binge watch.

Overall, this baby needs a lot of reassurance in his relationship. Let him know you’re there and won’t leave him (one of his, if not biggest, insecurities). Make him feel loved and let him take his time to warm up to you. Oikawa is worth the wait.

Bonus!!

Iwaizumi is so very glad to see his best friend happy. He’s very grateful you two have met. Will never not show you how much he appreciates him.

“Thank you for loving him, Y/n-san,” Iwaizumi would say, voice lowered in hopes his friend wouldn’t be eavesdropping.

“Iwa-chan! Are you flirting with my girlfriend?”

“Shut up, shittykawa! You don’t deserve someone as good as her!”

He’s just happy his best friend is finally able to share his insecurities with someone he loves so much.

You’re a blessing to the both of them.

589 notes · View notes

not-using-this1 · 3 years

Text

Sleepless Night ~N.Romanoff~

So this oneshot has kinda been sitting in my drafts on wattpad and on here for quite a while. I thought why not upload it after I rewrite it to make it better than it was, I’d say I haven’t touched this one since last October (oops) but here is this oneshot rewritten, pretty proud of this one (Again this is based off the gamerverse Nat hehe but I couldn’t find a gif for her just chilling so..)

Natasha Romanoff x Inhuman!reader :)

Natasha catches you in the HARM room at one in the morning. Concerned about how you barely sleep, she confronts you about it. (Reader has the ability to create/manipulate fire) You tell her the reason as to why you’ve been struggling, she’s there for you in a heartbeat.

Just Natasha being a huge softie :)

Warnings: mention of sex only briefly for like a sentence, 18+, the rest of this is just fluff

Word count: Around 1500

Natasha' POV

Like usual, I could barely get some sleep. It has been like that for a long time. But tonight was different. Currently it was one a.m. I highly doubted that most of the others were asleep right now but the atmosphere around the chimera felt peaceful, for once instead of hectic.

Walking out of my room, I decided to just take my usual late night walk (or early morning walk, whatever anyone wants to call it). Heading to the back of the Chimera I couldn't help but here the sounds of someone practising in the HARM room.

It's not very often that someone is doing this, especially at this time. Walking through the door that led to the room, a simulation was of course going on.

That's when I saw Y/n, beating the shit out of aim forces with her power to control fire. The poor woman had barely been getting any sleep it seemed, she looked exhausted and I knew how it felt to be that way.

Sighing I walk into the room "Jarvis, stop the simulation" I speak up. He complies and shuts it down. Y/n let out a frustrated sigh and turned towards me, my arms folded holding my ground. "Why'd you do that, Tasha. I was on a roll." Y/n complained as she walks towards me, unimpressed.

I sighed "For starters, it's one in the morning and you need to sleep. I have noticed you haven't slept in three days." I reply. I'm genuinely concerned for her health, she really needs to get some sleep.

"You’re telling me to sleep? You haven't slept in a while either." Yes, that was true but we weren't here to talk about me "besides I'm fine. I can still go on missions and be energetic, so why'd you care?" Wow that was harsh, the why'd you care part but Natasha totally gets it, she checks up on everyone from time to time of course but they just don't know it for some reason and she is quite direct.

"I check up on everyone but you guys just don't know it." I add with a light chuckle. I go back to being all serious, I need her to know that sleeping is important but I want to know why she hasn't been sleeping in the first place. "Come with me." I casually add as gesture for her to follow me, Y/n shruggs her shoulders and follows behind me.

I go straight into my room on the Chimera, she doesn't question me (at least not yet) I gesture her to sit down beside me on my bed. "So, are you gonna tell me what we're doing in your room, Romanoff?" There's the question but I sensed a little flirtation from her as she said my last name, I gave her a small smile. "What's been keeping you awake?" I asked her, Y/n looked at me she seemed worried about the question as if she didn't want to answer it because I might judge her but I never could.

"It's stupid, there's no need." Y/n replies looking away from me for a few seconds and then looking down at her knees. She was nervous but what for exactly?

"Whatever it is, it's not stupid. You know I won't judge you." I tried to speak a bit softer, suddenly grabbing one of her hands in mine which shocked up both, she gave me a small smile, her hand squeezed mine slightly.

"Something has been on my mind lately and I've been struggling to sleep because of it. I just can't get it out of my mind and every time I try it just doesn't work, thanks to a certain woman on the chimera. I get these conflicting feelings and it gets me so confused and unfocused but I just couldn't tell anyone because I thought that they would yell at me."

I listened carefully to what Y/n had to say, come to think of it she had seemed rather off these last three days, especially on missions. It made me miss her ridiculous jokes, puns and silly flirtation, I want that Y/n back and I would do anything to get her back to her normal self. "What do you think could make us all hate you? We love you."

Y/n looked at me, didn't break any eye contact, it looked as if she was on the verge of breaking down, my thumb started brushing her hand as I held it, silently telling her that it would be okay. None of us could ever hate her no matter what.

"I like girls, like love them and I also like this woman in particular- I shouldn't have said-"

"No, it's okay. If it makes you feel any better, Tony' bisexual, Cap is just as confused about himself but lets be honest he likes Tony even if they argue. Yelena is an asexual lesbian. The list goes on." I paused. I was thinking about what I wanted to say about myself. I like men but I also like women although I have never had a relationship with a woman I know I like them because I have had sex with a few before my time as an Avenger. "And me, well I like women to."

Y/n gave me another smile, she seemed a lot happier when I mentioned what I just did about everyone including me. "Wow, I never knew these things. I'm feeling somewhat better but there' something else. This woman I like."

I nodded my head and let go of her hand, I was silent and waiting for her to mention who it was or at least give me a describtion sometimes it helps talking about who you love but sometimes it can hurt, in this case I'm hoping it won't hurt Y/n.

"Well she's very badass, can kick ass very well, looks good while doing it, actually she looks good while doing anything. She's around 5'5, looks very intimidating but is an actual amazing person although she won't admit it. She's drop dead gorgeous, pale blue eyes, I love her personality, her body is just so perfect. May or may not have walked in on her naked once and has red hair and-

I listened to every detail she gave me, only to realise at the 'walked in on her naked' part was actually me. I didn't know how to react until I decided to shut her up by pushing her down on my bed and straddling her waist "Oh, and did I mention she has fast movement?" Y/n lets out a gasp as I pushed her down on the bed but she then chuckles and smirks at me. "You think all of this about me?" I whisper to the young woman under me "Duh, now-

"Shut up" I interrupted her, she raised an eyebrow at me in question but I ignored it and pulled her in for a kiss. The kiss was quite sloppy at first because it was something that the both of us seemed to need after a long time of avoiding these feelings (because I also like her). Pulling away she had the biggest smile on her face.

"So I take it, the feelings mutual?”

"Yes dorogoy, lets just get some sleep. Okay?" Just as I was about to get off her and lay next to her, Y/n pulled me back in for another kiss "I'd much rather stay up." She cheekily smirks as she pulls away, wrapping her arms around my neck and clutching onto me.

"Y/n" I rolled my eyes at her, her grip on me loosend enough for me to get off her. I press a kiss to her cheek and we both get under my covers, she backs up slightly more to me and I put my arm around her stomach to keep her close to me "This isn't some dream is it?" She whispered.

~~~

It had been a good thirty minutes and we had just layed there in silence, just as I was about to finally get to sleep with the woman I loved in my arms, finally. She had broken the silence.

Y/n' POV

I really couldn't sleep, I had forgot to mention to Nat that had atleast two coffee' before I decided to stay up in the HARM room as well as stressing about the fact that I was confused over my sexuality and the fact I like her, I was so happy she liked me back and now here we are, laying in her bed, her arms wrapped around me.

"Nat, I can't sleep. I had two coffee' and I still have a lot of energy." I heard her sigh, I didn't even bother turning around to face her "Y/n, please just try. I was about to fall asleep."

I sighed and shut my eyes trying again but it just wouldn't work "You can sleep ya know. I'll go back to my room and-

I felt Nat' lips on my neck, pressing a few light kisses to my skin "No, you're here now and I don't want to let you go."

Wow that was cheesy even for Natasha "Okay, I don't want to either."

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #Black Widow #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #marvel #OneShots #this is gay #bisexual natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff being soft #inhuman!reader #my writing #natalia alianovna romanova

49 notes · View notes

hogwartsfirebolt · 4 years

Photo

Hello there! I’m finally here with the third and last part of my favorite drarry fics I read in 2019!!! In the first part and in the second part I recommended 10 stories that made my year, and in this post I’m recommending 10 more that I absolutely adore. The banner art is by @spielzeugkaiser who was really kind and let me use this GORGEOUS piece, which you can (and totally should) reblog right here. Now, without further ado, here’s my,

FAVORITE FICS I READ IN 2019 PART THREE

1. The Company of The Rose - @lower-east-side - 31k - E - Six years after the war, Draco Malfoy has been restoring magical estates, while sidestepping his mother’s plots to marry him off and resolutely avoiding his issues. An advert in the Prophet takes him to a remote island, where a mysterious stranger has purchased an abandoned retreat. But the house has a few secrets of its own, and Draco will be forced to deal with not only his past, but the possibilities of the future.

We’re starting out this list with one of the last fics I read last year, and undoubtedly one of my absolute favorites. It’s gorgeous, sweet, breathtaking, a dozen other adjectives I can’t even think of. Stories that take place in beautiful, secluded places have a special place in my heart, and with a sure hand the author leads us through some of my favorite aspects of the trope: slow forming friendships, the feeling like they’re living in a world of their own as they get to know each other for who they really are, wonderful, delicious sexual tension keeping me breathless until the moment it snaps. The sex pollen element is also worked in a way I had never read before, with an exploration of what happens in the aftermath, addressing the issue of consent it creates. It’s just absolutely phenomenal, every single word of this.

2. I could be wrong, I could be ready - @harryromper - 57k - M - At first Harry wonders if they’ve managed to destroy his vaults and are trying to tell him in the most oblique way possible. But when he turns the page he realises they’ve found a vault. A vault in the name of Lily and James Potter.The parchment trembles a little in Harry’s hand. He takes another gulp of wine. Harry Potter left Britain after the war and didn’t look back. Ten years later, when Gringotts discovers a vault containing his parents’ belongings—including their badly spell-damaged wedding rings—he’s forced to face up to friends and family who’ve grown in ways he could never imagine, a wizarding London rebuilt beyond his expectations, and the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. And if that wasn’t enough, there’s the entirely unforeseen problem of Draco Malfoy. Featuring pureblood wizarding traditions, ancestral magic, open mic nights, marriage equality, a diner in Brooklyn, and the return of Fleamont Potter.

Explorations of Harry as a character and his post-war issues never fail to hook me right in, and this beautiful fic takes us with him on a journey where he changes so, so much, and at first he does it by running away, thinking everything will remain unchanged as long as he doesn’t acknowledge it, which, of course, isn’t the case. We see him having to face his past, reconnecting with his friends, finding and coming to terms with pieces of himself that he forgot about, or never knew existed in the first place, and it’s absolutely exquisite. The tremendous amount of character development, the regaining of trust in himself and others, the way we can witness a love story blooming slow and steady, and see Harry grow into a confident, wonderful man. God, I have feels for this one, for every detail, every character and setting and emotion. It’s absolutely fantastic.

3. What Real Thing? - @l0vegl0wsinthedark - 12k - E - They don’t cuddle, they don’t talk about their relationship (or lack thereof) and they certainly never fall asleep in each other’s arms.

This was my year of falling in love with l0ve’s fics. I had read some of her work before, but it was a few months ago that I found myself deep into her ao3 page, nearly weeping with the amount of emotion every single one of her stories stirs up within me. Picking just one was extremely difficult, but I finally chose this one, because the way she paints the relationship between Harry and Draco is masterful, their dynamic shifting and changing little by little, baby steps that become full-on sprints, single-minded and hesitant all at once, until we see them elbows deep into a feeling they don’t even know they’re experiencing, and it’s just brilliant, scorching hot, all-encompassing in a way that made me feel caught up in the whirlwind that is their relationship. If you haven’t yet read anything by l0ve, then I strongly, strongly recommend you start right about NOW. You won’t regret it.

4. Teeth - @amelior8or - 5k - E - Potter’s been practically begging for it, for months, constantly staring until the air crackles with the intensity of it. Draco always stares back, until all it takes is a brush, a spark, before they go up like flash paper. The crash into each other is inevitable. Draco’s heart has got teeth. And there is nothing he won’t do to keep up the fight with Harry fucking Potter.

I am absolutely, 1000% weak for werewolf stories, and in just 5k words this one managed to enchant and entrance me. It’s hot and fast-paced and intense in the way I love, with their relationship charged with emotion and intensity that transform bickering into passion in the blink of an eye. The moment I reached the end, I went back to the top of the page and reread it that very second, because I had to experience it all over again. Amazing characterization, banter to die for and explosive chemistry are all present in this gem. I kid you not, I’ve read it about six times at this point and just keep going back to that moment in the showers because THAT DIALOGUE IS JUST- wow.

5. Hush, darling - @magpiefngrl - 23k - E - Draco is in trouble. To get out of it he needs to seduce Harry Potter.

My god what a story this is. Absolutely unique, 23k words that felt like so, so much more because of everything they made me feel. There isn’t a single line of dialogue in this story that doesn’t feel purposeful, the characterizations constructed with such skill that every step the characters take rings true to their essence and gives us another clue to add to the puzzle that is Harry Potter, vulnerable man, powerful man, and Draco Malfoy, in all his darkness and his light. It also features some of the best sex scenes I have read, EVER. I could go on and on about this one, so let me just refer you to my long, individual rec for some more flailing.

6. The Pirate and the Prince - @nerdherderette - 49k - E - Draco can't believe that fate and circumstance have made him a stowaway on the Master of Death's ship. He doesn't know what's worse: the dread pirate's legendary vendetta against the aristocracy, or the fact that his captor is the most infuriating yet irrefutably fascinating man Draco has ever met.

YES!!!!! YES!!! The moment I saw the cover art for this fic on tumblr my entire being just screamed YES, and it was everything I could’ve hoped for and more. Listen, there is nothing I love more than fics where I get to see Harry as a powerful, ruggedly handsome man who’s not afraid of getting his hands dirty, and in here there’s some of that and MORE, because he’s a freaking PIRATE. And not only did I adore that aspect of it, but the writing pulled me right in, the setting so vibrant I could feel it in my bones, and I just genuinely enjoyed every second of reading this so, so much. There’s ships and adventure and fighting for what’s right, there’s lovely kisses, heated kisses, secret identities and parrot Hedwig. Just, all in all, a great freaking time.

7. Falling for a Golden Boy - @rockmarina - 44k - E - Merlin. Why couldn’t Draco have moved to a forgotten village in the Alps? He could have turned into a shepherd, learned to make his own damn cheese and given up his damn magic. But no, he’d had to come back to his Eighth year, hadn’t he? And this was his life now. Draping himself over Potter to hear words from him that he knew Potter wouldn’t ever mean.Great. The school year ahead of him looked simply great.“All I know is—when I’m with you, I…” Potter, the heathen, grunted when he read the rest of his line. “Do I really need to say this?”“What, scared of believing your own words, Scarhead?” Draco spat.“Boys,” O’Neill warned them.“All I—all I know is you’re the most amazing person with weak ankles that I've ever met, Meg.” Potter scowled. He was blushing again. “And when I’m with you, I feel less alone.”

My favorite eight year Drarry of all time, probably. I had never before experienced such a beautiful balance of the aftermath of the horrifying events of the war and how they impacted each character, and the light feeling of youthful fun. There are so, so many things to love in the 44k words that make up this masterpiece, so many details that warmed my heart and made me melt inside, so many moments that had me laughing or clutching my chest. In here, you’ll find quite a lot of Hercules references, wonderful teachers, drama club, healing, characters learning to trust, learning to love, learning to cope, beautiful friendships, hopeful romance. It is everything. I talked more about this fic in this individual rec, and I will absolutely talk MORE about it if given the chance. Everyone should read this.

8. Tease Crossed, Eyes Dotted With A Little Heart - @diligent-thunder - 18k - M - Draco's a curse-breaker, Harry's an Auror, and they're... something? Maybe? It depends. Harry definitely wants to get laid, Draco wants to follow procedure, and their work wives just want them to stop hiding from the truth.

I hope you’re not sick of my rambling yet because oooooh boy, THIS ONE. It’s funny, in the way that makes you cover your mouth because you’re about to burst out laughing on the bus, it’s hot, in that casual way that makes you clear your throat and shift your phone just a little, just so the screen can’t be seen by the person sitting beside you because like HELL are you going to stop reading now, it’s sweet, in the way that makes you smile so hard your cheeks hurt, and it’s so detailed and all around so, so much fun to read, in the way that grips you and doesn’t let you go, only to release you when it’s over so you can go and recommend it to your friends, IT’S. SO. GOOD. Real quick: auror + cursebreaker pairing, are-they-friends-with-benefits-or-more, guess-they’d-have-to-actually-TALK-to-know-that, teasing each other in public, getting trapped together for a bit there, powerful female characters, should you guys really be flirting right now? and MORE. Listen, just go read it now and thank me later.

9. That which hurts (and is desired) - @shealwaysreads - 19k - E - Draco was lying still, and pale, on a bed in a private room in St Mungo’s. The sheets were white, clean, enchanted against stains, vanishing the blood that kept spilling out of him. He hadn’t moved in two days. Not a twitch of his elegant fingers. Not a blink of his fierce eyes. Harry couldn’t even see the faint flutter of his pulse in his throat from where he stood at the foot of the bed, helpless, impotent, furious.

This fic is written so, so beautifully that it aches and leaves such an impression that, thinking back on it, every emotion hits me just as hard as it did when I was reading it. Everything Harry felt, I felt, every moment where he found himself just a little bit more in love with Draco, I was there, every moment of his frustration when Draco is hit with a curse nobody can decipher, I was there for it. With non-linear storytelling, it is evocative, a masterclass in narration, pacing, characterization and beautiful, lyrical writing. I nearly have no words for it. It features: auror partners that work together seamlessly, a dash of pining, a helping of very, very hot sex, and a love story that feels soft like a dream and thrilling like a race. This was the very last story I read in 2019, and I could not have ended the year on a better note. Definitely check this one out.

10. For Thine Is The Kingdom - @kedavranox - 66k - E - On a secret mission, Draco is Turned. With no memory of what happened, he learns that to save his missing Auror partner and regain what he’s lost, he must uncover the long-buried secrets of the vampire covens. To do that, Draco must open his mind and heart to what he has become, the new-found family that surrounds him, and the man who has remained steadfast at his side through it all.Harry spent five years avoiding the man he fell in love with, but when Draco needs his help, he cannot refuse. As they race against the clock to find Draco’s partner, Harry discovers that the bond they share is nothing to hide from, and that he'll never outrun the pace of his own heart.

And last but absolutely not least, there’s this freaking diamond of a story. I swear I want to squeal whenever I remember it. I’ll be brief: it is one of my absolute favorite fics of all time. In here, there’s vampires, unspeakables, a big investigation, wonderful side characters and information given in small little doses as we learn alongside the characters and piece together an entire picture. It’s dazzling, incredibly detailed in every way, with shades to each character and nuances to every interaction and bit of magic we get to see. I feel like anything I can say is not enough, I can never do this story justice. I have tried before, and written the gushiest individual fic rec of my LIFE but just- I honestly have no more words to express how much I think everyone needs to read this. Please, check that rec out, please, check this story out. There is absolutely nothing like it.

----

And that wraps it for 2019! Thank you to all who take the time to check out my lists, and THANK YOU specially if you give these incredible stories a chance, because they deserve all the love in the world. Once again: All the way from here, behind a username and a few tumblr posts, I can honestly say that these 30 stories made my year. I hope they can make yours, too ❤️ If you ever want to discuss these (for tag concerns or plain flailing) (or any story really) my DM’s are always open!!!

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fanfic #drarry fic recs #draco malfoy #harry potter #drarry fic rec #drarry rec list #2019rec #ficrec

910 notes · View notes

terminalchaos · 3 years

Text

Hiya!

I thought for my second post, I’d do a bit about my symptoms and what lead me to getting my diagnosis. Obviously it’s different for everyone, and I got extremely lucky. So bare that in mind! Warning: I get a bit sweary in this one. I have a lot of feelings about it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The city I live in, Melbourne, is officially the most locked-down city in the world in relation to COVID-19. After what has been a fucking exhausting few years, we are well and truly over it at this point. But what I didn’t realise going into the first lockdown (last year at some point) was how much I would suffer, and how badly this whole crock of absolute bullshite would affect me.

Last year in the first lockdown, I was a full-time university student, working as a medical transcriber and at an acting studio, facilitating workshops with directors, casting directors, etc. This was fine for about 2 weeks. Then everything started to fall apart, very slowly. I stopped going to my lectures and my tutorials. I started asking for extensions, more and more often. I had always been a last-minute student, starting essays on the day they were due, with about 3-5 hours set aside to sit and do the whole thing. Throughout school I do not think I did a single bit of homework on time, unless it was something I genuinely wanted to do. I often just didn’t do it, copped a detention, and moved on with my life.

This is extremely aggravating to me now, seeing that I was around hundreds of educated adults, and. Not. A. Single. Fucking. One. Either knew I was displaying symptoms of ADHD, or cared enough to try and help me. I don’t know what’s worse. It was simply punish the bad student, who never did their homework, and never studied, and never revised, and always forgot the in-class tests, and always struggled with remembering things. So, I adjusted. I still never did my homework, but I stopped caring about classes. I was rude to teachers who were rude to me, and would snap back at any teacher who didn’t show me the same respect they expected from me.

I was so, so angry.

It was completely unfair. I didn’t know why I was the only person who couldn’t do these basic things, like getting my planner signed after every week. So I resorted back to the things society told me I was: stupid, incompetent, lazy. That lead to a not great mindset, which lasted from the ages of about 13-20. I still struggle with a lot of these things, but in different contexts.

Anyway, the ways I coped at school started to fall apart at university. And they really fell apart with lockdown. Being in my house for 23 hours a day, with incredibly stringent rules, meant my ADHD just pent up. I couldn’t do anything. Not even things I wanted to do, and the pressure of deadlines weren’t enough to prod my brain into action. I just couldn’t do anything.

I figured this wasn’t normal, and one day I saw a post on ADHD in AFAB people. I read through it, and it resonated with me. Odd, I don’t have excess energy. In fact, I would oversleep constantly. Often, 12 hours a night wasn’t enough for me, and I would fall asleep at 2am. Caffeine would put me to sleep! My partner at the time would be on my back about how much I slept, constantly. He didn’t understand my ADHD presentation, which is reasonable, because I didn’t either. He would get irritated because the second I got any money, I wouldn’t save it. I’d buy things. I’d constantly put on weight because I would buy sugary snacks whenever I could. I would say yes to anything that would give me a second of joy.

When you have ADHD, your dopamine is running on empty. So everything you do is to try and boost your dopamine. It leads to a lot of behaviours that people see as irresponsible and reckless, because they can be. But it’s because our brains are screaming out for dopamine hits, however big, however long lasting. Now I know this, and can stop myself before doing these dopamine-seeking behaviours (the medications obviously help).

Reading this post about ADHD, I didn’t immediately do a deep-dive of research. I forgot about it for a while. I remembered my mum telling me when I was young that I “probably had some form of ADD, or something like that” after I spilled my guts about something that had been on my mind. I would start talking, and not stop. More and more of these little pieces started clicking. Then, I started doing actual research. I can’t remember details because, y’know, ADHD. But these symptoms started making sense. Not being able to control my impulses? Check. I am obscenely impulsive. Not being able to keep relationships? Check. Half of my friends from school in England I wanted to keep in contact with, I had completely deserted. Memory issues, not being able to keep a routine, missing deadlines, having slightly “kooky” interests, hyperfocusing, the paralysis I would feel when there were so many things to do, and I just sat in bed for 6 hours doing nothing, not eating.

I sat and cried on my partner’s bed while he comforted me. I cried over the fact I had an answer. I wasn’t stupid. I wasn’t lazy.

From there, I pursued a diagnosis. This was tricky: I tried three different clinics (one of which lost my referral 4 times! Shout out Alfred Road Clinic lol), and emailed different ADHD psychiatrists like crazy. I got no responses.

6 months after my initial referral, I cried to my family about how frustrating it was, knowing what was wrong with me, knowing there was treatment, but not being able to access it. Imagine how frustrating it is not being able to do anything, knowing there is a way to help, but not having access to it.

Eventually, a few strings were tugged, and I got an appointment in June 2021. July 2021, I was put on Vyvanse 30mg by my psychiatrist.

The first day I took my medication, I sat and did my Korean homework for 2 hours. Then, I sat and cried. I have never concentrated for 2 hours on demand like that.

I was furious, relieved, and incredibly sad for the 23 years I had lost, feeling like my body and mind were two separate entities. Having all these things I wanted to achieve, and achieving none. I learnt so many things were coping mechanisms I used to balance my ADHD brain: trying to be early as possible to avoid being late. Notes on my phone reminding me of everything I need to do. Double checking things three, four times.

All these things I wanted to try, and having tried none. Not being able to exercise as it made me sleepy and I never felt the benefits. Finding certain things unbearable for no reason. Getting in trouble for stupid things just because I couldn’t convince myself the dopamine payoff would be worth it. Having built nearly no skills as a young person because I had no direction. This was compounded by my want to achieve, but feeling that I couldn’t do anything, because this invisible barrier kept me in a snowglobe of my own shame and frustration. All because my stupid fucking brain was too busy trying to get hits of dopamine whenever and wherever it could.

I thought about how my A Level results would have been different if any of the adults in my life had clocked this when I was 13.

I thought about the things I could have achieved if anyone had thought to investigate just a little further.

I still cry about these things. The me that was prevented from living by ADHD taunts me from another dimension. Cow.

I needed to start to get to know myself without the dopamine addict brain. What I want to achieve, what was now possible, and how to avoid feeling like I will never achieve anything I want to. My main goal is to start having 3 meals a day, something I have never, ever been able to sustainably do. I’m still working on this.

3 notes · View notes

hopelikethemoon · 4 years

Text

missing out (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: missing out Rating: PG-13 Length: 2.5k Warnings: Angst. Notes: A little Javi POV set shortly before used to be lonely. You can find the Maybe Today, Maybe Forever Timeline here. Summary: Javier returns after three days in the field.

Taglist: @grapemama @seawhisperer @huliabitch @pedropascalito @rogrsnbarnes@thewallpapergoesorido @twomoonstwosuns @gooddaykate @livasaurasrex @ham4arrow@hiscyarika @plexflexico @readsalot73 @hdlynn @lokiaddicted @randomness501@fioccodineveautunnale @roxypeanut @just-add-butter @snivellusim

Javier barely knew which way was up as he made his way into the embassy. Three days out in the field in Bucaramanga and all he’d gotten in return was three sleepless nights and a headache. It was a fruitless endeavor riddled with dead ends and he’d ended up pissed off that he’d been assigned it at all.

Six months ago it would’ve been fun. Him, Steve, her. It almost felt like she was with him this time around because he couldn’t stop thinking about her. About the future. About their baby.

He was terrified. Of being a father, of being a partner, of being a man worthy of either.

Of walking into work one day to be met with an empty desk, a somber voicemail, broken promises. She didn’t owe him a damn thing. He knew that. He beat himself up over it. She had every right to get on a plane and leave. If she tried hard enough, she could make it impossible for him to find her again.

Javier’s heart skipped a beat as he spotted her walking off the elevator. “Hey!”

“Hey.” She smiled a little. “Just getting in?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, tucking his hands into his pockets. “Where are you headed?”

“I have a doctor’s appointment.”

“Oh.” Javier swallowed thickly. “Well, uh… good luck?”

She bit down on her bottom lip, tilting her head towards the elevator. “I forgot something at my desk if you want to ride up with me.”

“That would be great.” He answered, trying to temper his excitement. Life had tempered it enough, but he tried to enjoy every moment he got alone with her.

They waited side-by-side for the elevator to return, patiently waiting for it to clear out before they were alone inside it.

“I should be finding out the gender today.” She told him, shifting anxiously as she leaned back against the wall. “Do you… do you want to know?”

Javier tried to mask his emotions. Goddamn, he wanted to be there. Weren’t fathers supposed to be there for that? But he wasn’t — not really. He was the father only when they were alone, within the safety of elevators or apartments.

“I’d love to know, baby.” He breathed out, hesitantly resting his hand on the soft curve of her belly. She seemed bigger already — the swell more noticeable than he recalled before he’d left. Even in three days he’d missed things. “How have you been?”

“Good.” She rested her hand over his and tilted her face towards him. “I missed you.”

“Me too.” He whispered, leaning down to steal a too-brief kiss. It was still all so new. Being intimate with someone on a long term basis. To grow comfortable with another person like this.

Just another change in his life. Her bed had become as much his own as the one he’d all but abandoned.

“Can I…” He pulled away swiftly when the elevator dinged, one of the agents from the floor beneath them joining them on the elevator.

“Yeah, Peña. Sounds like a plan.” She remarked, answering the question she knew well.

Javier stared straight ahead at the elevator doors, glaring at the back of the agent’s head. He glanced sideways, risking it all to grab at her hand.

She shot him a look, but she still squeezed back.

He loved her.

With each passing day it became more apparent to him. Maybe he wasn’t ready to say it yet — but he knew. Fuck, he knew it. He’d never felt it before her. Not even back in the day when he’d almost gotten married.

She was all he thought about. All he saw for himself. He missed her the second she was gone and looked forward to the next moment they got alone. That wasn’t who Javier Peña used to be.

With her constantly on his mind, he didn’t feel that dreadful sense of loneliness anymore.

When was the last time he’d slept beside someone just to sleep beside them? Had that ever happened before her?

Sometimes he wished he could call Steve. To prove to him that he did have a heart — one that was capable of loving someone. But he couldn’t. There was no one for him to call and bitch about being robbed of the chance to see his own baby’s sonogram. In that regard, he was still alone.

——

Javier ended up calling it an early day and headed home to catch some much needed shut-eye. So much so that it was late in the evening when hunger woke him up. He rolled over and stared at the clock by his bedside table, his heart clenching when he realised just how late it was.

He grabbed the phone off the table, hastily dialing her number before he pressed the receiver to his ear. Please pick up. Please pick up.

On the fourth ring she answered.

“Hello?”

“Shit. I woke you up. Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“I fell asleep on the sofa. It’s fine, Javi.” She assured him with a stifled yawn. “Your bags had bags this afternoon. I’m not surprised.”

“But I promised you.”

“It’s okay.” She sighed heavily. “Do you feel better?”

“No, I feel like shit because I didn't wake up.” Javier dragged his hand over his face and sank back against his pillows. “What did the doctor say?”

“I’ll come over.” She offered and Javier could hear her moving around on the other side of the line. “I’m still dressed. I can be over in ten.”

“Baby—“

“I’ll be over in ten.”

The call went dead and Javier placed it back in the cradle.

He dragged himself out of bed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. Somehow finding out the gender of your baby while shirtless and in boxers seemed like a bleak alternative.

She hadn’t actually been over to his apartment since their relationship started. Or whatever it was. There were no labels involved with this thing they were trying. The thing that had him in knots daily because he was waiting for the other shoe to fall.

He couldn’t blame her. He knew how he was. He’d cut and run too.

She arrived promptly ten minutes after their phone call ended. Still wearing her work clothes. He was so used to seeing her in the evenings in nothing but sleep shorts and tank tops.

“Hope you didn’t clean up just for me.” She quipped, her eyes flickering towards the empty beer bottles stacked on his coffee table. “I thought you kept things neat for when you entertained.”

Javier huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “I haven’t entertained here since… you.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “What about the hooker you told Tom about?”

His throat went dry. “Her place.” If he could go back in time and take that back he would. He’d felt like shit that entire night. It wasn’t her. There was no one like her.

“Ah.” She nodded her head slowly, her gaze still sweeping over his apartment, but her shoulders relaxed a little. “You’ve still got bags under your eyes.” She pointed out, closing the distance between them. “And you need to shave.”

“Not into a little scruff?” He questioned, rubbing at his jaw. “Tomorrow. Promise.”

She smirked. “Atleast I like your mustache.”

He reached out and rested his hand on her hip, rubbing soft circles there with his fingers. Javier slowly leaned down and kissed her, masking a smile against her mouth as her fingers curled around the back of his neck.

She drew back from the kiss slowly, stroking her fingers down the back of his neck. “Do you want to see the sonogram?”

“Yes.” Javier breathed out, answering far too quickly. “Did you find out what we— you’re having?”

She reached into her jacket pocket and produced a small rectangular image. “Do you want to guess what we’re having?”

The image trembled as he held it, his fingers shaking a little as he focused on the image. It was one thing to know that she was pregnant, that the curve of her stomach was a child, but it was another thing to see them. A little button nose, ten fingers, two legs. Something they made together.

Javier took a few steps backward, sinking down onto the sofa as he stared at the image. He’d done that. He’d help make that. Something so tiny, fragile, and perfect.

“Is it… is it a girl?”

She bit down on her bottom lip and grinned, “It’s a girl! We’re having a girl.”

Javier laughed breathlessly, looking up at her. “We’re having a girl!”

She sat down on the sofa beside him, her leg pressed close to his as she pointed at the photo. “Look at her. Look at that little face.” She looped her arm through his, resting her cheek against his shoulder. “She’s perfect.”

“Can I… Can I keep this?”

“It was for the father.” She ran her hand over his forearm, turning her head to press a kiss to his shoulder. “I’m sorry you couldn’t be there to hear her little heartbeat.”

The words stuck in the back of his throat. He would’ve given anything to be there. To see their baby girl moving around. To hear her heartbeat. But that wasn’t something he could have. And that was a bitter pill to swallow.

Javier shifted so he could wrap his arm around her, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “I’ll be right back, baby.” He whispered, before he moved off the sofa to go put the sonogram picture in a safe place. That single image would get him through the next few months.

That was his baby.

He wandered back out into the living room, his eyes drawn to where she stood in his kitchen, looking through his refrigerator. “Can I help you?”

“Do you live on beer when you’re not with me?”

He grimaced and shrugged. “I make a mean grilled cheese.”

“Your cheese could walk out of this apartment.” She shut the fridge slowly, turning around to face him with a look in her eyes that caught his attention. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m not craving food right now.”

“And what are you craving?” He arched a brow as she moved towards him.

“You.” She breathed out, running her hand up his chest, fingers trailing along the column of his throat. “The doctor said it’s perfectly safe.”

“Well, if the doctor says it’s safe...” He smirked, leaning down to kiss her. “Anything I should be worried about, baby?” Despite the amount of times he’d ended up in her bed of the last few weeks, most of his time had been spent trying to soothe her through discomfort and nausea.

“Do not touch my breasts.” She warned him sternly, brushing her thumb along the hollow of his throat.

“Noted.” He nodded, winding his arms around her. “Anything else?”

“I haven’t… not since.” She gestured around the apartment.

Javier brushed his thumb over her bottom lip, before he skimmed his knuckles over her cheek. “I’ll go easy on you.” He teased lightly, leaning in to kiss her. He let his mouth slant over hers, his tongue sweeping out to find hers.

She curled her hand around the back of his neck, dragging her fingers through his hair. Her other hand snaked its way down between them, palming him through his trousers.

“Where?” He breathed out, his voice a little rougher as he tried to ignore just how good her hand felt teasing him.

“Bed?” She suggested. “I have a couple really good memories from that bed. Maybe we could add a few more to it.” She said, smirking up at him.

Javier stiffened. The memories of the night had been great, but the morning after… the days after. How many times had he laid in that bed and wondered what he did wrong? How he misread the connection between them. How many nights did he wonder what he could’ve done to keep her in his bed long enough to wake up beside her.

His grip tightened on her, “Don’t leave.”

“What?” Her smile faltered.

“This time.” Javier ran his hand along her side. “Don’t leave me.”

“I don’t have any clothes here.”

“Then wake up early.” His voice wavered. “Or just tell me…”

She frowned a little, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I won’t leave.” She promised, “This isn’t like before, Javi.”

“I know baby, but…” He released his hold on her and took a step back, dragging his hands over his face. He couldn’t. The moment had slipped between their fingers.

“Maybe we should just sleep.” She suggested quietly. “Do you have something I could wear?”

“Yeah.” He nodded and held out his hand for her. “C’mere.” She curled her fingers around his and he led her into his bedroom. The last she had been there, things had been different.

That night already felt like a lifetime ago.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as she nestled into his bed and he curled around behind her.

“Don’t.” He pressed his lips to the back of her neck, sliding his hand beneath the hem of the shirt she wore. His tee short hung loosely on her, dwarfing her — just like the boxer shorts she’d had to roll up at her hips to make them fit.

There was something he liked about her wearing his clothes. She’d pulled on a couple of his buttons up at her own apartment. But there was something about her laying in his bed, dressed in his clothes, that sparked something deep within him.

Beyond these walls he had no claim to her. Out there she was just his co-worker. But within the safety of his bed, she was his. All his. Draped in his clothes, curled close to him, drowsy in his arms.

Javier’s fingers spread out across the swell of her stomach. “You’ve grown since I left.” He whispered, pressing his face into the crook of her neck as he smoothed his hand over her skin.

“Don’t remind me.” She huffed quietly, leaning back against him. “I’ll probably grow out of my trousers by the end of next week. And let me tell you, they don’t have the best line of maternity clothes here Bogotá.”

He chuckled, tracing his fingers over the curve. “Our little girl is growing.” He whispered, a smile spreading over his lips as she rested her hand over his.

She turned a little in his arms so she could kiss the underside of his jaw. “I wish you could’ve been there to see her.” She squeezed the back of his hand.

Javier nodded his head slowly, rather than putting words to the ache in his chest. There was so much he was missing out on. So many little things he had never known he wanted. But he would take what he could get from her. He was in no position to ask for more.

The last time he’d held her in his arms in this bed, he hadn’t held on tight enough. She’d slipped away at the first glimpse of dappled light. He hadn’t known that one night would change their lives forever. If he had, he would’ve told her then. He wouldn’t have let her go.

#javier pena #javier pena x reader #pedro pascal x reader #i am not as happy with this as I'd like to be but whomp whomp

274 notes · View notes

hewwo-fwends · 3 years

Text

you gonna be okay? - pjs + zcl (NCT)

hello. I wrote this to help myself out of a mental funk kinda ting, which is really depressing in itself, but it did help. I thought it would be a waste if no one saw it, ya know? it's a bit controversial. fun fact: I made a whole new account to post this so no one I know can find me here.

so um for context, both jisung and chenle are quite a bit older than me, and I'm over a year legal in my country. anyway. here we go yeehaw.

warnings: angst (⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️⚠️ MENTIONS OF SH AND PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACKS), kinda smut (like a little bit of grinding and marking and tongue salsa), jisung has anxiety or smth idk, chenle misses jisung, ends with fluff and stuff it's kinda kyoot

word count: 4.4k

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

the recurrence of these emotions should have been the first warning sign. how he had felt this way so often over the past 3 years. maybe the first time he marked up his own body should have been the second warning sign. the numbness within him fading to a euphoric stinging sensation within seconds, then to guilt and anxiety. no one could know. then maybe the third warning sign would have been his growing dependency on things that kill you from the inside. drinking and smoking to feel anything but numb or anxious or like he wanted to be crushed under a car. but none of the above felt like warning signs to him, because between the worst lows and the happy period right after, he would forget anything happened. he would ignore it. he would tell himself it wasnt a big deal, and that no one should know. so no one did.

jisung was seen as the funny, nice friend in this way. he would listen to others' problems and help them as much as he could. he would give people his things to make them happy, not expecting to get anything back himself. he wouldn't try to make others laugh, but would feel proud when he did. people liked him in a casual way. he was a good guy, a kind guy. jisung thought that too sometimes, before he stopped himself. "don't get too into your own head." he would think. "show these people how nice you are. be the happy person that people like. that will make you happy all the time." clearly, that didn't always work. but, to fulfill his purpose, he ignored and forgot the times when he didn't live up to his happy persona. it didn't happen. he was happy. always happy. nothing but happy. and he prayed to any and all gods that he would never get caught out.

°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Jisung. Talk to me for a sec." Coach spoke from across the gym. Whilst still laughing about a joke with his friends, he jogged over to the coach, smiling brightly. "What's up with you today? You get enough sleep? You were all over the place. I swear I saw you trip over your own feet a couple times." Jisung's smile almost faltered, but he caught himself before it could.

"Ah, coach. You know me. I may have spent a little bit longer on Overwatch last night than usual but it's only because of this one guy that kept busting my nu- killstreak, man! I had to get him back or I wouldn't have slept at all!" Coach laughed at the teen's obvious rage thinking back to this other player and his tone softened.

"Yeah, yeah. I do get it. But don't let it happen again, alright? You're my star player and I'm counting on you for regionals. You won't let me down, right?"

"Sir, no, sir!" Jisung projected.

"You cheeky brat. Go on. Get outta here." the coach laughed as Jisung jogged back over to where his friends were joking and packing their bags.

"Hey, Sung. What was that about?" questioned Jeno, whilst spraying himself with deodorant and suffocating the rest of the group.

"Watch it, fuckface!" exclaimed Renjun, coughing up his organs.

"Oh, nothing. Just talking about regionals." Jisung replied after clearing his throat of Lynx Africa.

"Ahh, star player Jisung! But you were a bit slow today, huh? I might just steal your spot up the coach's ass, you get me?" Jaemin nudged Jisung, making the group laugh at the boy's teasing remark.

"Never in a million years, Na." Jisung shoved the boy before grabbing his bag and sidestepping away to avoid reprisal. The other boys followed this action and started walking towards the door, talking between each other.

"So, do y'all wanna get some food or something?" Haechan asked the group, hinting that he definitely did want to get some food. The group all murmured in agreement, apart from Jisung, who replied "Ah, I would love to but my mum wants me back for dinner with the family tonight."

"Aww momma's boy Jisungie. How cute." Jaemin teased before reaching to squeeze the youngest's cheeks. Jisung backed away, making sounds of fear whilst smiling at his friend's show of affection. Jaemin eventually backed off and Jisung rubbed his now red cheeks. He drifted to the back of the group walking through the school's empty corridors. A few seconds later, Chenle found his way next to him.

"Hey, are you gonna make it on the PlayStation tonight?" he asked excitedly.

"Ah, I don't know, man. Depends if my mum lets me." Jisung replied whilst rubbing the nape of his neck.

"What? But she didn't let you play last night! That's child cruelty, I swear!" his shrill voice rang through Jisung's ears, making him flinch to the side.

"Yeah. I know it sucks. But you guys are great without me, too! You'll be fine, man."Jisung reassured the loud boy. They continued to talk about the game that Jisung had missed the night before until the group reached a crossroads. They waved goodbye and Jisung split off from the group who were heading to a diner around the corner. As he walked down the pavement towards his house, he realised how dark it had gotten in only 10 minutes. It made sense as it was December, and he sighed as he looked at the expansive sky with greys and whites mixing with dark blue. As he approached his house, he noticed that the Christmas lights had been put up, white and orange fairy lights strung across the bushes outside and over the front door. He smiled to himself. As he stepped into the house, his fingers tingled from the contrast of the freezing winter air outside and the cozy central heating inside. "Mum?" Jisung shouted down the corridor whilst taking off his shoes and putting his bag on the floor.

"Hey, Sungie! How was school?" her voice appeared from the living room and Jisung walked towards it.

"Ah, same old, same old, you know?" he shrugged.

"Are you not hanging out with your friends today?" she asked as she paused her TV programme. She had been watching Rick and Morty and Jisung couldn't help but think how much she would fit in with his age group. The thought made him cringe.

"No. They were all tired and had to go home." He said whilst looking at the paused TV screen.

"Oh, well. I hope you don't mind but me and dad are going out tonight with some friends so do you mind making your own dinner? Your sister's staying at her friend's house so don't worry about her and your brother's in his room with his friend and they're doing their own thing." Jisung's mum explained. Jisung's face almost dropped but, once again, he caught himself and smiled.

"Of course, that's fine. I'll make myself some ramen. Have fun tonight!" he said as he walked out of the room and grabbed his bag.

"You too!" his mum spoke before the sound of the TV started playing again. Jisung jogged upstairs and down the corridor to his room before walking in and locking the door behind him, as was his routine. He sighed and dropped his bag on the floor, standing still by the door. Next in his routine was the sudden wave of cold that rushed over him, so much colder than the rest of the house. Then his lip would start quivering and he may have let out a whimper or two, before dropping onto his bed and sobbing with no tears, just the feeling of hopelessness running through his veins. His body curled in on itself and his hands clawed at his bedsheets as his face dug into his pillow. He would then rock back and forth for the next half an hour, chanting such phrases as "I wish I was dead" or "I'm horrible" or maybe "I hate this". What it was that he hated? He couldn't tell you. He just knew he didn't want to be there anymore. Or anywhere really. He would contemplate carving into himself like a Halloween pumpkin again but would always chicken out just before, remembering how tiring it was to hide it the first times. He didn't want to add anymore stuff to his plate. Also, his physical appearance needed to match his social appearance. No one could know what he was like on his own. It was his own little secret. However, he needed to feel something. So he would curl up on his floor, his head against his carpet, and scratch all down his arms, as hard as he could. The sensation made him feel something, and feeling something felt euphoric. After maybe managing to shed a few tears and falling asleep, he would wake up feeling drained and somewhat annoyed for not being able to see the scratches on his arms. But of course, he would then think of himself as an attention-whore, and make himself forget anything had happened. His day then continues from then with him being the happy social butterfly he was known to be. And the cycle would repeat.

°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Hey, you better come hang with us tonight. I feel like I hardly see you anymore!" Chenle spoke to Jisung in what he would call his "quiet voice". Luckily, they were in the canteen and there was hardly anyone around.

"You know I would love to, but I've got a lot of homework to do! Mr Suh is being a real bitch lately, you know?" Jisung spoke back as he played with the rice on his plate. School food really did nothing for his constant nausea.

"But you've been working so much lately! You've had to do homework almost every day after school for the past month! And before that, your mum needed you to come home for dinner every night! I miss you, Sungie." Chenle's typically loud and screeching voice fell at the last bit, and Jisung looked up at the boy through his fringe. What did he mean by "I miss you" when he was right there in front of him? He hadn't gone anywhere.

"What do you mean "you miss me"? I'm right here, Lele." Jisung almost reached his hand out for Chenle's on the other side of the table, but ended up deciding against it and just leaning forwards slightly.

"But you're not though. I only see you in school now. And you hardly talk to me anymore. You used to tell me about stuff that's going on in your life. Now I have to talk to you first to get you to notice to me." Jisung's eyes began to get hot as he looked down at the table. He could feel his heartbeat in his stomach and his muscles begin to twitch. This wasn't good. "Do you even like me anymore? I thought you were my best friend, Jisung. What's happened to you?" Chenle's voice held an apprehensive and somewhat emotional tone. Jisung couldn't breathe. He needed to get out of there.

"I've gotta go." he rushed out his words in a hushed tone to stop his tears from falling, whilst pushing up from his seat and speeding out of the canteen as fast as possible without running. His eyes stayed trained on the ground and the tears welling up made him feel like he was about to throw up. He pushed open the door to a toilet block he knew no one would be in before rushing into a cubicle and locking the door behind him. He broke.

His sobs rang against the walls of the cubicle, no matter how much he tried to repress them. He slapped his hand over his mouth in attempt to quieten himself, and his tears fell like torrential rain, down his face, his hands and to the floor. His back slid down the wall of the cubicle until he was curled up on the floor in a puddle of his own trembling limbs and tears. He stayed in that state for 5 more minutes, neither his tears nor his emotions subsiding. Then, he heard the door of the toilet block crash open, promptly followed by a shout of "Jisung?". Chenle.

Jisung's eyes clenched shut so tightly that he was seeing stars, his nails now digging into his cheeks with how tightly he was covering his mouth. The tears didn't stop but at least they didn't make any noise. "Jisung. I know you're there. I won't break down the door. Just let me in." Chenle's voice turned softer, but now with an added hint of concern. Jisung dreaded to think that Chenle was concerned about him. He tried to stop the tears so he could face his friend, but they wouldn't stop, and he couldn't even move. He felt trapped where he was. His body had given up. "I'm not going anywhere, Jisung. I promise." Chenle's voice sounded close, like his head was against the other side of the door. Hearing him say that somehow made Jisung break even further. He didn't know that was possible. His sobs could suddenly be heard again even through his hands tight grasp on his face. "Jisung?" Chenle's voice sounded panicked now. He didn't want to do that to him. He needed to let him know he was there, even like this.

"Chenle-" he rasped out between sobs. His voice clearly sounded tired and weak, with a hint of desperation.

"Please, open the door, Sungie." Jisung sobbed harder, feeling incapable of moving whatsoever, but his best friend's distress gave him an ounce of motivation, but not without added guilt and shame. He hid his head in his arm against his knees and blindly reached for the lock on the door. He felt it unlock and immediately curled his other hand around himself, hoping to not be seen. Of course, that didn't happen. He heard a gasp from above and then felt the brush of air against his arm as his friend dropped down next to him. His sobs had still not stopped and he felt the smallest he had ever felt in his life right at this moment, curled up on the toilet floor next to his best friend. He didn't know what he had expected to happen, but it certainly wasn't the warm feeling of his friends arms wrapping around him, and the warmth of his breath against his neck. They didn't usually do that with each other. This only spurred on more tears, but slightly fuzzier ones. With some sensation back in his body, he twisted his hand upwards to hold onto his friend's arm, a small message to the other boy in an attempt to translate how grateful he is to him and that he's the best friend anyone could ever wish for. It may have not translated that whole message, but he hoped that it got pretty close.

"You're gonna be okay, Sungie." Chenle spoke into the crying boy's neck. The warmth tickled him and caused a hot shiver to run across his spine. Wait. Was he blushing? In shock about having just blushed at the actions of his best friend, he managed to lift his head up and open his eyes. His sight was blurred but he could see the wavy outline of his small friend through his unrelenting tears. He could feel hands upon his cheeks as they turned his face towards him to wipe at the tears under his eyes with the soft pads of his thumbs. He hoped so much that his face was red enough from crying to cover up the ever-growing blush that adorned his cheeks. He bit his lip and looked down in embarrassment, but Chenle didn't allow it. With his hands still resting on his cheeks, he lifted his head back up and pressed his forehead against the others. Out of surprise, Jisung's right hand shot up to hold onto the other's elbow, before sliding up to his hand against his cheek instead. He rested his hand on top of Chenle's and leant into it slightly, enjoying the feeling way too much than he should have felt okay with. His eyes fell shut again as he released a sigh that fluttered against Chenle's cheeks. They sat there, sharing each other's space, for what felt like years. Jisung wished the feeling would never stop. But as long as Chenle was with him, he felt like it never would.

After his tears had slowed and his breathing had evened out, Jisung felt Chenle's hand slide away from his face. He felt himself almost starting to cry yet again, before Chenle's fingers slid between his own and his thumb started rubbing his hand. Chenle's head pulled away from Jisung's and tilted against the wall they were both leaning against instead. "Is this okay?" Chenle asked in a genuinely hushed and soothing voice, one that Jisung didn't know he was capable of. He couldn't tell what Chenle was referring to until he squeezed Jisung's hand ever so slightly and Jisung blushed yet again.

"Yeah. It's fine." the corners of his mouth tilted ever so slightly before he realised and stopped himself. But Chenle didn't even try to stop himself. He had already noticed Jisung's mistake and smiled back widely himself. This only made Jisung feel shy and bashfully smile at the floor.

"Your smile is so pretty." Chenle stated, as if it was the most obvious fact in the galaxy. Jisung's eyes shot up to the other boy's face, who was now giggling at Jisung's reaction. Jisung quickly looked back down to the floor as he felt the flustered feeling spread all over his head.

As Chenle's giggles quietened down, Jisung tilted his head against the wall, before realising just how close their faces were. He could feel Chenle's breath against his lips. He felt an involuntary sound creeping up his throat, but swallowed hard to keep it down. "Are you feeling any better?" Chenle spoke in a deep voice, quiet and gentle on Jisung's currently sensitive ears.

"I do feel better right now." Jisung responded, his voice still weak and raspy.

"Right now?" Chenle's eyebrows curled in confusion. "Why right now?"

Jisung couldn't stop the words from coming out. "Because you're here." His eyes widened the second after he let it slip from his lips, having shocked himself with the obvious "line". He didn't know how to repair that. So he just stayed silent, red in the face and frozen. He only barely noticed Chenle's small smile before he registered that they were somehow even closer to one another. He felt their noses brush together and this time, he didn't think fast enough to stop the involuntary sound falling off his lips. A hushed whimper spilled into the shared breathing space between them. Chenle's head was back where it was before, pressed against Jisung's, and Jisung couldn't stop himself from glancing down at his best friend's lips. His best friend, he thought. This was not normal, and he knew it. But he didn't care. It felt so much better than anything he had ever done before. So much more natural. He wanted this. So bad.

His mouth was slightly open, trying to maximise his air intake as the air around him suddenly got so hot.

"Can I?" He felt Chenle's breath against his tongue, and his nose brushed against Jisung's once more.

"Please." It came out much more whiny than he had expected, but he wasn't even ashamed anymore as his best friend's lips melted into his own, their synchronisation making Jisung feel like he had been missing this his whole life. Chenle. Just Chenle. They seemed to fall into a trance as the taste and feeling of one another became addictive. Jisung only realised what was happening when he felt a hand sliding up his arm and towards his neck, the thumb rubbing against his jugular. Another hand had slid up his leg and was squeezing his thigh. Jisung couldn't help but grab onto the front of Chenle's shirt and pull his body even closer as he released yet another whimpering noise. That was a cue for Chenle to lick at Jisung's bottom lip, subtly asking for permission to take this further. It wasn't even a question for Jisung. He let his mouth fall open and Chenle was immediately there, lapping at the other's tongue with his own. The feeling made Chenle groan slightly, and Jisung's fist clenched tighter on his shirt in response, another whimper falling from his occupied lips. He felt breathless in the best way, so didn't even attempt to pull away to breathe. He didn't want to stop and could tell that neither did Chenle.

A few minutes later, Chenle had explored Jisung's entire mouth and wanted to find out some more about the boy, so his hands fell to his hips and pulled slightly, inviting Jisung to come closer. Jisung took this offer with delight, climbing onto the other's lap and leaning back onto the other's knees as Chenle slid his back further up the wall for a more comfortable position. They both quickly found each other's lips again and got right back into the flow of the situation. Chenle's hands had drifted from Jisung's tiny waist to his hips, just above his ass that was sat in a place that he didn't want to dwell too much on, though he found that to be extremely difficult with how fidgety Jisung could be. Jisung's hands found purchase against Chenle's chest again, occasionally grasping at his shirt when he felt to overwhelmed, so the entire time really.

After a few more minutes, Chenle leaned his head back against the wall, looking up at Jisung with so much adoration. Jisung felt hot under his stare and missed the feeling of his lips.

"You're so hot, baby." Chenle spoke in his low voice, like he was talking to himself. Jisung whined and leaned in, hoping to find Chenle's lips again, only to be stopped by the feeling of a hand around the base of his neck, not holding him, just applying light pressure, enough to stop him in his tracks and make him roll his hips. The feeling made his head fall back and he accidentally released a moan. He felt embarrassed, but also really, really hot. He heard a growl from below him but before he could look back down, he felt Chenle's hot mouth against his neck, right next to his jugular. His teeth bit into the skin and his mouth sucked around the mark, making Jisung involuntarily move his hips faster against Chenle's torso, looking for any friction whatsoever. Like Chenle was reading his mind, he ground his hips upwards into Jisung's own, right as he bit into the other side of his neck. "Fuck!" Jisung exclaimed, the breath being knocked out of his lungs at the sensation.

"Close already?" Chenle teased. Jisung suddenly realised how weird it was to hear that from his best friend. The best friend he would play games with as a child. the best friend he would talk about girls with in his early teen years. The best friend he would vent to when he was stressed, and who would do the same back. The best friend he had talked about getting a house with in the future, somewhere in a big city. The best friend that was now making him feel so fucking good on the floor of the school toilets when they're both supposed to be in lessons. The best friend he wants to scream the name of for the rest of his life, disturbing the neighbours and almost getting kicked out of several apartments. He's not even mad.

°•°•°•°•°•°•

Them walking out of that toilet block must have been the most comedic moment in either of their lives. To set the scene, they both styled matching red faces and disheveled hair, with Chenle rocking a creased shirt and Jisung showing off his abundance of blossoming purple and red bite marks, trailing all over his jaw and neck and deep down into his collar line and, to top it all off, their non-chalant "we did not just fuck I swear" facial expressions. Glancing up and down the corridor to avoid any other unsuspecting students, they made a bee-line for Chenle's locker where he knew he kept a hoodie to hide Jisung's Vincent Van Gogh "Starry Night"-lookin' neck. The only problem was that it was on the other side of the school.

Why Jisung decided to come instead of waiting, Chenle didn't know. He just thought he was too cute and didn't really want to leave him alone either. But luckily, it was still lesson time, so there was hardly anyone in the halls. So there they were, running through the halls Breakfast Club-style, dodging teachers and the odd student, until they reached Chenle's locker. He made quick work of opening it and grabbing the hoodie, buried underneath about 5 textbooks, 3 folders and a bag of snacks. "You're a mess." Jisung joked.

"Look, do you want the hoodie or not?" Chenle reiterated, his eyes wide as if he were scolding a child.

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry!" Jisung giggled, taking the hoodie from Chenle's hands. Chenle jabbed quickly at Jisung's stomach, making him bend over and jump backwards dramatically. He pulled the hoodie over himself, surprised that it was kind of big on him.

"Not as big as you thought you were, huh?" Chenle quirked his eyebrow and Jisung blushed, once again, at his remark. He pulled up the hood and tugged the strings tight around his head, making Chenle coo at him. "You baby." And Jisung swore he could somehow hear the star emojis and "uwu" emoticon in his voice. Chenle walked closer to him, holding his sweater paws and then looking around to make sure no one was there. He then leaned in to quickly steal another kiss, lingering too long for it to be classed as a peck. "What lesson have you got now?" Chenle asked, still holding Jisung's sweater paws, now leaning against the lockers.

"I think Chemistry?" Jisung puffed out his cheeks in thought. Chenle was enamored.

"You okay to go? I can stay with you if you want me to." Chenle reasoned. Jisung's eyes dropped to the ground as he smiled.

"I'm definitely feeling better right now. I might even learn something in Chem." Jisung chuckled.

"Wouldn't that be a miracle." Chenle smiled. The other then pushed his shoulder lightly, making him giggle.

"I'm gonna miss you." Jisung mumbled towards his feet. Chenle leaned in further, smiling.

"That's cheesy and disgusting but you're cute so I'm gonna miss you too." He punctuated his statement with a kiss on the other's lips. Followed by another one. Then another. And another. They were both really lost in each other. And they didn't want to be anything else.

#nct #nctdream #angst #fluff #smut #chenle #zhongchenle #jisung #parkjisung #jisungnct #nct fic #i'm sad #gay #kpop

22 notes · View notes

sagesparrow394 · 4 years

Text

The Unconscious

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Ships: Intrulogical, Abusive Logicality

Summary: Due to constant abuse from the light sides, every night, Logan journeys to the lake of the unconscious to calm down and take a break. The lake acts like solid ground, and Logan can usually lie on it and relax. However, one day something goes wrong. One day, he falls in.

Based on a prompt sent to me by @ispeakhalflies

Warning: Unsympathetic and abusive Patton, unsympathetic Virgil and Roman, blood, violence. (let me know if I need to add more)

----------

There were a lot of places in the mindscape that the sides would visit that weren’t part of their main living area. There was the imagination, which was Roman’s main domain outside the living area. There was the names and faces database, which was constantly disorganised. There was the facts and opinions library, where sides often forgot which book belonged where and would place them on the wrongs shelves. And there was the memory vault, which was a space-like room where star-like orbs floated. These orbs were condensed memories that could be accessed and viewed. Patton would spend a lot of time there - being able to choose memories to view was a lot better than his room, where different memories surrounded him all the time. Logan also spent a lot of time there, as he liked the space vibe the room had. He found it calming.

However, there was another place Logan would go when he needed to calm down. Down down, far below any other part of the mindscape, there was a lake. A large still lake, that was a dark navy blue, reflecting the room around it like a mirror. This lake led to the unconscious.

Well, other sides called it the subconscious. However, Logan knew the proper psychoanalytical term was unconscious. ‘Subconscious’ implied it was another plain of consciousness that Thomas was aware of. However, both Thomas was not aware of it and both he and the sides were not aware of what it contained. Therefore it was the unconscious.

All the other sides were terrified of it. It was a deep dark void, after all. None of them wanted to know what led beneath. Because of this and their avoidance of it, it was the perfect place for Logan to come when he needed an escape.

And boy did he need an escape. To him, the ‘light’ side of the mindscape wasn’t all that ‘light’. Roman constantly made fun of Logan because he couldn’t do so to Virgil anymore, and it was a huge kick in the gut every time. Logan knew Roman was insecure and that’s why he did it, but it wasn’t an excuse to be rude.

Virgil always overlooked Logan in favour of Patton and Roman, going to them for comfort, or for just casually spending time. It made Logan feel unwanted. And if Virgil did go to Logan, and Logan said something Virgil didn’t want to hear, Virgil would accuse him of being Deceit and lying. Logan understood it was because of Virgil’s past with Deceit, and the distrust caused by that, but it wasn’t an excuse to be hurtful.

And Patton… Oh, Patton. At first, he had been the one who could actually make Logan happy. They even decided to start a relationship. However, it was after the relationship began that Patton began to show his true colours; he became extremely possessive.

Logan found himself unable to talk to any other side for too long, being dragged away by Patton mid conversation “for cuddles”. The same went for his work. At first, Patton would drag him away only occasionally, so it seemed he was just worried about Logan overworking himself. But then it became more and more often, until Logan was doing practically no work. This meant Thomas had no schedules and procrastinated more, which made Roman and Virgil mad at Logan for ruining Thomas’ creative whimsy and making him anxious.

Despite that, Logan would give in to Patton and let himself be dragged away from work. Why? Because, for the preacher of honesty in Thomas’ head, Patton was an expert manipulator. When Logan did what Patton asked, Patton would reward him with baked goods - most with a Crofters twist to make them irresistible to the logical side. Due to this, Logan found himself obediently following Patton’s commands like a puppy being trained, desperate for the treat he would get if he did so.

Logan didn’t even realise how Patton was conditioning him until he found himself unable to do up the button of his jeans one morning. When trying to connect the dots of how he had gained the weight that caused this, it suddenly occurred to him just how much Patton seemed to feed him, and the circumstances that usually led to said food being given to him. Safe to say, Logan was horrified.

After that, he tried to decline the food when offered. He claimed he was trying to be healthier, in the hopes of not aggravating the moral side. However, Patton would then proceed to “playfully” force-feed Logan, as a way of establishing his power and control. Logan had no choice in even what he ate, let alone anything else.

All this made Logan start escaping to the lake of the unconscious at night more and more.

He’d never enter the lake, of course. He didn’t want to sink into the seemingly bottomless void of the waters. Though, to be fair, he was effectively unable to sink. It acted like solid ground. He would walk across it, and lie down in the middle of the lake, eyes closed and calm for once in his life. It was perfect…

At first he’d only go once a month. Then once a fortnight. Then once a week. Then every two nights. Then he’d spend every night out there, alone and peaceful.

However, one night, it wasn’t so calming.

The day had been one of the worst of Logan’s life. Thomas was a week behind for filming, so Roman and Virgil tore into Logan completely. So, Logan went back to his room and started to desperately draw up schedules to fix the mess. Only Patton dragged him away from his desk the minute he sat down, before trying to get him to eat a whole batch of Crofters thumbprint cookies. Logan tried to turn them down, pointing out the fact his shirts were riding up a little at this point, but Patton wouldn’t have it.

So, later, he found himself led in bed, stomach achingly full, which was not helped by Patton hugging him more tightly than should be necessary. He honestly felt on the verge of being sick. However, he did not pull himself from Patton’s grasp, waiting until a sign…

Aha! There it was! Roman and Virgil were calling goodnight to each other, and a moment later there was the sound of their bedroom doors closing. Just to be safe, he waited a minute or so longer, before deciding to make his move.

He moved very gently so as to not disturb Patton as he slipped out of bed. From there, he tiptoed from the room, making sure that the door made no noise as he pulled it slowly closed. Then, he hurried quietly down the hall.

He left the living area, heading all the way to the very back of the mindscape, where a staircase descended. Logan went down, down down down, far beneath, to the very bottom of the mindscape. He pushed open the door at the bottom and there he was.

He stepped into the room, the lake still and glistening in front of him. The air of familiar calm washed over him straight away, causing a smile to tug at his face as he walked to the edge of the water. With that, he gently took a step. He travelled across the water with ease until he reached the centre. There, he led down, sighing as he got comfy on the water. So peaceful…

He lost track of how long he led there. He may have fallen asleep.

Whatever happened, he was jolted back into reality as he was suddenly dropped into the water.

His body immediately tensed up at the shock of plunging into the freezing lake. After snapping out of the shock, he desperately tried to swim back to the surface, feeling water flooding his throat. He was going to drown! No no no no…!

… Wait. Hold on. He could still breathe? Despite being underwater?

“What the…?”

And he could speak? Well… I guess it would make sense the unconscious was no ordinary lake…

He looked up to find the surface getting further and further away, and he went back to trying to swim up. However, as he did so, he seemed to sink faster.

Eventually, the surface couldn’t even be seen. He was surrounded by blackness.

He felt his breathing pick up. How was he going to get out if he couldn’t swim up? Was he going to be stuck here forever?! And if he wasn’t, if he got out far too late, Patton would know he’d snuck off… What would he do? Punish him? Hurt him? Decide to feed him more and more until Logan was too big to move and so could never leave?! CUT HIS LEGS OFF?!

… Wait, what? Why did he think that? Patton was bad, but not that bad. Why had the thought of Patton cutting his legs off occurred to him? It was incredibly illogical for him to think. If anything, that was more in Remus’ domai-

Whaaaaaaat was that?!

Logan froze as he felt something slimy wrap around his ankle. He didn’t want to look down. Nope. Whatever it was, maybe if he just stayed perfectly still it would go away. He just needed to stay cal-

It was wrapping around his other ankle too! Logan couldn’t stop himself from looking down, and immediately paled, any and all colour draining.

Recently, Logan had watched a documentary about something that honestly scared him a little. So, to be honest, he probably shouldn’t have watched it, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. This documentary had been about creatures that lived at the bottom of the ocean. One creature he had found particularly unnerving was the Bigfin Squid. The name didn’t exactly sound horrifying, but it sure looked it. And along with the knowledge that it is eight meters, or 26ft, in length, Logan had found his new nightmare.

And now, here it was, gripping his ankles in two of its unbelievably long arms. And it was slowly dragging him closer to its open beak.

The scream that forced itself from Logan’s throat was louder than any noise he had made before. He frantically kicked and squirmed until he no longer felt the arms, and then he swam as fast as he possibly could. He didn’t stop until he felt completely physically drained, unable to move anymore.

He gasped for breath, trying to stop himself from sobbing. What was going on? Why was that thing here?! And why couldn’t he get ou-

Logan flinched upon seeing a bright flash and hearing the clap of thunder. No… no no no, not a thunderstorm! Logan would never admit it to anyone else, but he was terrified of thunder and lightning. And now he was caught in the middle of a storm, rain pouring down on him despite already being underwater. He whimpered, curling into a ball as another clap of thunder sounded. Wind, so strong he felt like he would get swept up in it, swirled around him. There was another lightning strike, this one feet away from where he was floating, and he screeched in terror. He curled up even tighter, eyes forced shut, begging for this to be over. Why did he have to fall into the unconscious?!

After ten whole minutes of being caught in the storm, the wind finally settled and the thunder quietened to silence. Logan began to relax, taking deep breaths (‘in for four, hold for seven, out for eight…’) and uncurling.

However, the calm didn’t last long, as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whirled around to face whoever it was, expecting the worst, only to find himself face to face with Roman.

“R-Roman, thank god! You have to get me out of here, I-”

“No. You are staying here in this hell. And you will until you finally learn to actually be fucking productive! Because of you, Thomas hasn’t uploaded a video in months! You always harped on me about not meeting deadlines, and now you’re not even making deadlines to meet! You’re a disgusting hypocrite, and a fucking failure! You deserve to live your life in this terror! And maybe take the time to lose all that weight you’ve put on. When you come back, I don’t want the Fanders thinking I’m friends with a disgusting pig.”

Logan blinked back the tears welling in his eyes as Roman seemed to fade away into the darkness. He didn’t even have time to question it before he was suddenly shoved in the shoulder and forced to turn and face someone else. This time, it was Virgil.

“You’re the worst fucking logic ever, you know that? For someone who’s meant to be grounding and realistic, you’re the most anxiety-inducing liar I’ve ever met. You’re even worse than Deceit! You may as well be a Dark Side with how bad you are to all of us and Thomas! Roman’s right, you need to get your fucking shit together.” He suddenly grabbed Logan by the collar and pulled him close, glaring down at him. “And if you don’t, I meant it back when I said I wouldn’t be afraid to prohibit your breathing.”

Logan’s heart thudded in his chest as Virgil moved his hands to be wrapped around Logan’s throat, slowly squeezing tighter and tighter, until Logan was clawing at the anxious side’s hands, desperate for air.

This was it. He was going to die. He was going to die a horrible failure, never having apologised to Thomas for his horrible work, and stuck in an unhappy relationship.

“GET OFF OF HIM!”

Logan was suddenly pulled from Virgil’s grasp and into a tight hug. An extremely tight one that could only belong to Patton. He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or scared.

That question was answered for him when he was slapped across the face.

“Don’t you dare go near either of those two again! Don’t go near anyone!” Patton snarled. “You’re mine, Logan. Not Virgil’s, not Roman’s, not Thomas’. Mine.” His expression softened upon seeing the tears streaming down Logan’s face and the terror etched upon his features. “Oh, don’t be scared. Being mine isn’t a bad thing. I’ll feed you all the delicious Crofters treats you want. I’ll cuddle you aaaall day. You never ever have to work. You’ll be my teddy bear…” He hugged Logan again, but Logan wasn’t comforted at all. In fact, Patton’s words had caused him to cry harder. He wanted to work! He needed to! He didn’t want to spend his whole life as a cuddle toy for Patton!

“In fact… if you’re my little teddy bear, I should do what Andy does to his toys in Toy Story.” Patton pushed Logan back out of the hug before pulling a knife from his pocket. “Mark you so everyone knows who you belong to.”

Before he could even gasp, Logan found his pyjama shirt being pulled up and Patton pressing the blade of the knife against the skin of his stomach. Logan cried in pain as Patton carved line after line into the logical side’s flesh. He begged for someone, anyone, to hear and save him. It felt like hours before Patton stepped back, admiring his handiwork. Logan glanced down, trying to swallow the lump in his throat as he saw the bleeding word ‘Patton’, so deep he knew that the scar would never heal.

“Perfect, LoLo. Now everyone will leave you alone, knowing that you’re mine already. Don’t cry, it’s for the better. Now let’s go to my room. I’ll lock the door so no one can take you away, and so you don’t run off again.” Patton grabbed Logan’s wrist.

And in that moment, something in Logan snapped. For years, he had had to deal with the torture from his fellow ‘light’ sides. But you know what? Enough was fucking enough.

He screamed, but not a terrified scream. It was more of a battle cry. He lifted his legs and kicked Patton square in the jaw. He continued to kick and punch, screaming all the things he’d always wanted to say, but never had the courage to before. He didn’t know how long he was doing so. It could have been five minutes or five hours. All he knew was that, after one last kick, Patton suddenly disappeared, fading into the darkness.

And as he did so, arms wrapped around Logan’s waist. Logan screamed again, thrashing to try and escape from whoever it was’ grasp.

“Hey, hey, Logan, it’s okay! It’s just me! It’s Remus!”

Logan stopped at the familiar, nasally voice, turning to see it was indeed Remus who was holding him. He immediately relaxed, tears of relief brimming.

God, he was crying so much today…

“Jeez, whatever you saw must have really shaken you up… Let’s get you out of here before any other apparitions appear.” Remus kicked his legs, and unlike when Logan tried, easily swam up through the black waters, and it wasn’t long until they broke the surface. Logan coughed up water as Remus continued to rise up so he and the logical side were floating over the surface. The creative side clicked his fingers before lowering down, the surface once again acting like solid ground. “There. You’re okay now. Safe and sound.”

“Th-thank you…” Logan stuttered, trembling a little. However, he paused a moment later, unable to control the questions flooding his mind. “Why were you down there? How come you can control the lake? Why doesn’t… it hurt… anymore…” His last question trailed off so Remus couldn’t even hear it as Logan lifted his shirt. Patton’s name was no longer engraved in his stomach. There wasn’t a drop of blood there, or even any scarring.

“Well, with your first question, I could ask you the same thing. Not many sides like coming in here. But, um, well, you know how Roman has the imagination? Well, the unconscious is basically my equivalent. Roman has Thomas’ fantasies that he willingly and happily thinks about and engages in. I have Thomas’ nightmares and horrors that he doesn’t like to think about and isn’t aware of until I choose to forcibly send one up. That’s why I can control this place. I open it to access when I need to drop in, and close it when I leave.”

“...So that’s why I fell in today? Because you were in there?”

“Yep. Didn’t know you were a frequent visitor, though.”

Logan shrugged, smiling a little. “It’s calming and quiet in here… Well, it is when I’m not falling in.” He paused. “Wait. Patton, Roman and Virgil are down there. I saw them. Th-they’re stuck down there! Oh god, I saw them and left them… Th-they’re going to hate me even more now…! Roman and Virgil are going to scream at me for ages, a-and Patton… Patton’s gonna lock me in his room and never let me leave and hurt me for leaving him tonight twice, and-”

“Logan. Take a deep breath. Focus on my voice. Now, when you saw the three of them, did they float or swim away after, or did they seem to fade into darkness?”

“F-fade. Why?”

“That means they weren’t real, Lo. The unconscious has a defence mechanism where if someone who isn’t me or any of the other Dark Sides enters, it attacks them with their greatest fears.” He paused. “You’re scared of the other light sides… Aren’t they your family? Aren’t you in love with Patton?”

Logan shook his head, feeling the tears welling once again. Ugh, he hated feelings, this needed to stop. “I, um… They don’t really care about me. Roman and Virgil hate me… And Patton, he treats me more like a possession than a partner. He pulls me from my work so he can cuddle me like a teddy bear, hence why Thomas has been procrastinating so much more recently. And you, uh, probably have noticed I’ve put on weight. It’s because Patton decided to psychologically condition me into doing what he wanted by baking me things when I obeyed him. And when I realised and tried to resist, he started force-feeding me instead, like some sick way of establishing his power and dominance.”

“Jesus…” Remus mumbled. “I didn’t know Patton was that bad… Like, rule one of any kink, even feeding, is always get consent first.” He paused. “But if it makes you feel any better, I think you look kinda cute with the extra chub.”

Logan tensed a little, feeling his face flush at this comment. Cute? Really? He’d always thought he looked like a whale. But he was cute?

Apparently his silence made Remus nervous, as the creative side suddenly started rambling. “Sorry, is that, like, a sensitive topic for you? I won’t bring it up again, and I take back the comment if it made you uncomforta-”

“No! It’s okay! It’s just… Patton, despite being the one who did this to me, never called me cute or anything. He never even complimented me at all… Now that I think about it, I don’t think he’s ever told me he loves me.”

Remus bit his lip, thinking for a moment. “Logan… I think you should move in with us.”

Logan blinked up at him, eyebrows furrowing. “What?”

“You should live with us Dark Sides. From what I’ve heard, you really need to get out of there. You’re not safe with the others. Roman and Virgil sound like dicks, Patton’s abusing you, and you deserve so much better! I know we don’t have that great a reputation, but I promise with all my cold, rotten, slimy heart that we will treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve. Please?”

“But… but what if Patton gets mad? What if they all do? What if they come to take me back? What if they hurt you and Deceit and-”

“Trust me, Lo, we won’t let them do that. I mean, you know I’m a pretty good fighter. And it’s still safer for you than staying with them.”

Now it was Logan’s turn to bite his lips and think things over. But as he deliberated, he found Remus was right. He was in danger if he stayed with the others. Not to mention, after his visions in the unconscious, he would likely be in extreme paranoia any time he was near Patton.

“Okay. I’ll join the Dark Sides.”

A grin spread across Remus’ face, and he wrapped his arms around Logan’s waist, lifting him up and spinning with him. “You’re gonna have the best time ever!!! We have weekly horror movie nights, with all the snacks you could want! We host the best Halloween parties, which guarantee sugar highs with the amount of candy there is! And! And and! I’ll turn off the defence mechanism for the unconscious for you so you can visit my kingdom!”

“Your kingdom?”

“Yep! The black fear-inducing lake is just the top, protective layer. Under that lies my kingdom. Come on, I’ll take you there!”

With two clicks of his fingers, one allowing access to Logan and the other opening access to the lake, Remus and Logan plunged back into the water. Logan clung to the other side as they sank deep down through the water, expecting some horror of his to appear. However, it never did.

Then, Logan felt his feet leaving water, and his whole body followed, before slipping out of the liquid and being dropped onto solid ground. Remus landed beside him right after.

“Welcome to my kingdom! You get to view it from the best seat in the house: my very own tower!”

Logan stood up, finding himself standing on the balcony of a tower made of black stone, vines crawling up it and wrapping around the stone balcony banister. He looked out at the surroundings, and was immediately struck at the stark contrast Remus’ kingdom had compared to Roman’s.

The whole place was glum and grim. The sky was grey and cloudy, no sun, moon or stars visible, unlike Roman’s sunny, warm and bright one. Whereas Roman’s villages were filled with villagers singing and dancing, Remus’ were eerily quiet. Roman’s forests were filled with adorable animals and fantastical creatures. Remus’ were dark, and Logan thought he saw Bigfoot roaming around in one of them. As for cryptids and creatures, Cthulhu and the Kraken were off in the distant ocean, looking like they were just chilling and talking.

“So… what do you think?” Remus asked, leaning on the banister.

“I… I love it! Roman’s kingdom is so sweet it’s sickening. Yours… I mean, it has actual cryptids! That’s incredibly fascinating!”

Speaking of cryptids, something suddenly flew up to the balcony. “Hey, Remus!”

“Mothman! How’s it going?”

“Pretty cool,” Mothman shrugged. “Was wondering if you want to come roam the Dark Forest with me for a bit? I heard some travellers found a bridge in there that, based on the description, sounds like the Goatman bridge.”

“Tempting, but I’ll have to save it for another day. Showing around the newest member of the Dark Sides. This is Logan. Logan, meet Mothman.”

“Nice to meet you!” Mothman took Logan’s hand, shaking it as Logan tried to calm down from his current excitement.

“You too… I, um.. Big fan. Hey, um… could I possibly come with you guys when you go to the Goatman bridge? One of my favourite Buzzfeed Unsolved is the one there…”

“Sure!” Remus grinned, wrapping an arm around Logan’s waist. “But I think we should probably head to bed. I mean, after the stress of tonight, you probably need some shut eye. See ya tomorrow, Mothy.”

“See ya, Remus! Don’t forget, poker with Cthulhu, Kraken, and Bigfoot on Friday!” Mothman flew away as Remus led Logan inside the tower.

Remus stripped off his clothes until he was only wearing his boxers, before climbing into his bed. “I usually sleep in the buff, but I’ll be kind and save you from that visual.”

Logan gave a thankful smile. “So, um, where’s the guest bedroom?”

“Oh, uh, there isn’t one…” Remus chuckled. “Kinda cliché, huh? ‘There’s only one bed’. I, um… you okay with that?”

After a moment, Logan nodded. “Yeah, I think so. As long as you don’t hug me as tightly as Patton used to. It was incredibly uncomfortable.” He climbed in beside Remus.

“Oh? So I can hug you as long as I’m gentle?”

“... Don’t see why not.”

Remus wrapped his arms around Logan pulling him close. He sighed. “Wow… Your chub is cute and soft… I know you didn’t get it in the best way, but have you considered keeping it?”

“Hm… I guess it would make Roman mad to have someone who he associated with be ‘a fat pig’. Well, at least it made the Roman I encountered in the unconscious mad, so I kinda hope that reflects in real Roman. It’ll be funny to see him pissed about something he has no control over.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Remus grinned.

Logan let out a small yawn, curling up to Remus. “Thank you… so so much…”

“It’s nothing, Lo.”

“It’s not nothing. You saved me… And you’re...a much… better partner than… Patton was…” And with that Logan fell asleep.

However, after that sentence, Remus knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all.

Partner. Logan had called Remus his partner.

Oh.

----------

General Fanfic Taglist: @ibasicallyjustreblogeverything @pollylittlehigher-littlelower

89 notes · View notes

boba-xing · 4 years

Text

Captivating {Chapter 7}

Fem!Reader x Werewolf!Choi Seungcheol (SVT)

Warnings: swearing, dark themes/mentions of torture

Tagged: @suhappysuho @captain-brie @seekerbabygirl @moon8894 @yippee-kay-yay @sehunnies-hunnie96 @lovinggalaxies @brokenbutchocolate @amixoferrthang @onewoowonderboy @hhhhwww7 @9rachacha @sksk-x @haluim17 @jelly-fishy-babie @sakura-uji @psshwa

You’re sitting on Seungcheol’s bed, a glass of water in your shaking hand, barely able to speak. Your mind is flooded with a mixture of fear and wonder of what is happening downstairs. Since Seungcheol carried your frozen frame upstairs a silence has passed over the house.

Said man is currently sitting opposite you, at the end of the bed, clearly concentrating hard on what he should say. After what feels like hours of waiting he finally speaks, “You said you were interested in mythology...vampires and stuff like that.”

He’s looking at you now, analysing your fearful expression as you nod.

“Well, vampires don’t exist, of course.” he nods, “But, werewolves, well, they d-”

“You’re telling me that was a werewolf?” you breathe,

“Y-yes, yes it was.”

“In your living room?”

“It’s more complicated than that though.” he scratches the back of his neck, “You see, it’s kind of hard to say. I’m not sure if you’re going to believe me.”

You just stare at him.

“Well, me and the boys, we’re a pack...um, a pack of werewolves. We can turn into them, it’s just, well, that really.” He bites the inside of his cheek, blinking at you,

“What?”

“We’re werewolves.” he repeats, “I’m the leader of the pack, I’m an alpha and that’s why I have such authority over the others. And the blood on the shirt you saw on the first night you came here, that was from an attack...another pack.”

You look at him for a moment, taking in everything he’s saying and trying to understand what you think.

It’s bullshit.

You slam the glass down on the bedside table before storming out of the room and down the stairs, Seungcheol following close behind you. You turn around once you’re outside the door. “I’m not taking part in your sick fantasy! What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Is this some kind of furry convention or something?”

“___, I swear to god I’m not making this stuff up! I’m being serious.” he says, clearly frustrated.

Instead of answering him, you scurry down the driveway. You have absolutely no idea where you’re going to go considering you’re basically surrounded by woods with no transport. You pull at your hair, arm forcefully grabbed by Seungcheol to pull you back in his direction.

“For fucks sake, ___, I’m not playing. I know this is hard to believe, but don’t you feel bad for me? Even a little? I can’t help being like this. The boys can’t help being like this! This is just how we were born.” His eyes are wet with tears, “Please, just hear me out. We’re not going to hurt you, I’d never hurt you, you know that!”

“You’re crazy!” You rip your arm out of his grasp and rush away, legs carrying you as fast as you can down the driveway. You manage to pull your phone out, slowing down as you realise Seungcheol is no longer following you. You call Jihyun, your friend from work, and she kindly agrees to come pick you up.

You can feel Seungcheol's eyes on you as you wait for her to arrive and you already know he's going it'll only be a moment before he comes over.

And it is.

As he draws closer you see the tear stains on his cheek, and the determination on his face to pull himself together. "___, please listen to me. I would never lie to you. And I'm not crazy, even if I am, at least I care about you."

You look away from him.

"I know it's hard for you to understand, but I just want the best for you, I want you to be safe. I want you to be loved, and happy, and with me. I care about you, so much, please don't cut me off because you don't understand something." He begs.

Headlights drawing near catch your attention and you stand up as the car approaches, Jihyun's friendly face appearing in the window.

"Bye, Seungcheol." You say quietly as you get in the car.

---

“Please, please, let me go.” You beg, arms yanking at the handcuffs in hope you’ll somehow break free,

The dark figure in front of you just laughs, completely warped and unrecognisable.

“Please.” You cry, hot tears streaming down your cheeks as you pant, breathless, “I’ll do anything, whatever you want! What do you want from me? Please!”

“Maybe you should’ve listened to him.” the voice cackles,

“Listened to who?” You sob, letting your head fall down to face your shaking legs,

The voice doesn’t reply and instead you hear heavy footsteps drawing closer. You jump as a hand finds your neck, gripping it tight and squeezing, squeezing until all the air has left your lungs.

You wake up drenched in sweat, body shaking as you try to calm your breaths. Taking a moment to pull yourself together, you sit up and glance around the dark room.

You don’t like the dark.

With a sigh you make you your way to the bathroom and wash your face with some reluctance. Although startling, the cold water clears your lungs and calms you down.

You draw yourself over to the kitchen, grabbing yourself a glass of water. You only take a few sips before placing it down on the counter, realising you forgot to close the curtains. A chill runs up your spine. Someone could easily be watching you right now.

You hesitantly make your way over to the window, glancing down at the street. There’s one car you recognise, and as your eyes meet the driver you realise he was already looking at you.

Slipping on a coat and shoes, you scurry down as fast as you can, rushing over to the car as soon as you’re out of the building.

“Joshua?” you ask,

“Get in.” He says after rolling down the window, “Not to go somewhere, just to talk.”

You nod, hopping in the car and shutting the door securely. “What are you doing here?”

“Watching.” he looks at you, somewhat serious, “In case anyone tries to get to you again.”

“Let me guess, Seungcheol sent you?”

“Well, yes, but I’d like to think I would’ve done it anyway.” a small smile forms on his face, “We’re friends.”

You nod, glancing down at your hands.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” he asks with a frown, “Not tired?”

“I slept terribly.”

“I don’t blame you, after tonight I wouldn’t sleep well either.”

You rest your head against the headrest.

“Listen.” He begins, “I know you don’t want to believe it, but the whole werewolf thing is true. And if you just gave us a chance, maybe you would realise we aren’t the man-eating monsters everyone makes us out to be.”

“Werewolves aren’t real.”

“It doesn’t matter whether you think they’re real or not, you like the fantasy, that’s why you drown yourself in fairytales and folklore. Sure, it’s not as scary, or as sweet, as it’s made out to be. But how can you run away from something you’ve dreamed of?”

“I watch horror films, that doesn’t mean I want to be in one.” You sigh,

“It’s not like a horror film.” he groans, “Sure we turn into big, dangerous wolves, but we’re still human. We’re still people.”

You look up at him.

“What is it you’re afraid of?”

“I don’t know any of you, like really know you. I’m supposed to be staying in a house with a bunch of men, who are apparently werewolves, with a...I guess...boyfriend? Who scares the living shit out of me when he gets mad and apparently knows exactly where I am all the time. It’s weird?! What part of that sounds appealing to you?” you explain, “And to add to that, I’m being stalked by some creep who drugs people close to me.”

“I know. But ___, just give us a chance, okay? Seungcheol really cares about you and he only wants you to be safe and happy. Come back home with me, and we can sort things out.” he pushes, knowing his next sentence would have him thoroughly beaten if Seungcheol knew he said it, “If you go a week and realise you don’t want to be around us, that’s fine, you can leave.”

This whole situation is crazy. You never signed up for this. You want to go back to your life before this, curled up in bed, single and eating pringles, but you know you can’t....and there’s a small spark of hope in your heart that maybe, just maybe this whole situation could work out? Maybe Seungcheol could be the one for you, and maybe this whole werewolf situation is real...but safe? You know you won’t be able live with yourself if you don’t follow this path. You need to know what happens.

“Please?”

“O-okay.” you nod, Joshua instantly beaming at you,

“Thank you!” He laughs a little, slamming his hand down on the steering wheel,

“I’ll be back in a second, I’m gonna go and get my phone.” you say before moving swiftly out of the car.

You make it back up to your apartment, rushing to your bedroom to grab your handbag and phone before scurrying back out to Joshua’s car. Of course, you fail to notice the previously full glass of water you left on the counter is now empty, and your purse is home to a small, bitter note.

51 notes · View notes

cinaja · 4 years

Text

Before the Wall Part 3

For the entire series and the summary, click here

Is anyone reading this? If so, please give me a sign! This is my first time posting a story and I'd love some feedback

Disclaimer: characters, world etc. belong to Sarah j. Maas

----

There is another desert. Great. Simply great. Sometimes, Miryam wonders if fate hates her.

But in a small town on the edge of the sand, a Fae female with a bad cough that she is treating tells her about the human rebels who have set up their camp just on the other side of the sand. The female means it as a warning, but Miryam has to lower her head to hide her smile.

"I mean it", the female insists, "You may be part human, but you are also half Fae and these people won't like that."

This worries Miryam more than she wants to admit. But she swore a vow to save her people and another one to be kind, to help others - and for both, she needs the rebellion.

So she spends her last coins on a camel and sets off.

On the first day, she runs into a pack of Martax and almost gets eaten (again). On the second day, there is a stabbing pain in her lower body. Closer inspection reveals that she is, apparently, on her period. (Of course. Of course she gets her first bleeding while stuck in the middle of a desert. It`s just typical.)

On the third day, she runs out of water. She was supposed to reach an oasis that day, but it is dried out. She guesses it is a side effect of thirst (or maybe of the heat) when she starts seeing strings of light, running through the air and over the ground. She blinks and they are gone.

On the fourth day, she falls asleep in the shadow of a sand dune and wakes up in a small cabin. Miryam jumps to her feet - and slams into a wall of hard air. Around her, there is are symbols drawn on the wooden panels. Forming a perfect circle and trapping her within.

Miryam has seen those symbols before. For a moment, she thinks that she`s still asleep and this is another nightmare. But something tells her this is very real.

"You know", a voice drawls behind her, "this would have been much easier for you if you had stayed unconscious.

Miryam spins around and comes face to face with a High Fae female. In her hands, she holds an ancient-looking book bound in black leather.

The female is a witch

Fear shoots through Miryam. This can't be happening. Not when she was so close to reaching the rebellion. For a moment, Miryam thinks that she sees the strings of light again, wrapping around the witch, running through the air. But they vanish as quickly as they appeared

The witch raises her hands and smiles at Miryam. "You should consider it an honour, girl. Your life will be used for something greater."

Miryam doesn't beg for mercy. She knows there won't be any and spent her entire life on her knees - she won't die that way, too.

The witch begins chanting

Miryam can feel the magic, wrapping around her body. Burning, searing. (This is what her mother must have felt in her last moments). She raises her hands, like she might ward of the looming death.

The lights are back. Strings of light, wrapping around her. Miryam pushes against them and something inside her rises up, up, up.

Burning pain.

Her body is on fire. It hurts. Hurts so badly she thinks she may be dying. She leans to the sides and retches up blood.

Somehow, she manages to sit up.

Around her, the house is reduced to cinders. Where the witch stood, there is nothing but a pile of ashes on the ground. The book is still there, untouched, but everything else is destroyed. But the strings of light are still there, fainter but clearly visible.

It is impossible. Miryam should be dead - worse than dead.

She wants to laugh, but she only manages a broken sob. She knows enough about witches from her time in Ravenia's court to understand what it means that the female is dead and she is still alive. What those strings of light mean and why they appeared just when she bled for the first time.

Miryam is a witch.

It has to be some kind of sick joke by whoever decides these things - maybe the Cauldron. She has seen such unspeakable horrors inflicted by witches and witchers - on humans, on her people - and she...

Stumbling, Miryam gets to her feet. She doesn’t know why, but she takes the book when she staggers outside. (Maybe she knows it is too dangerous to just be left lying around. Or maybe some small part of her understands that she will still need it.)

Through some stroke of luck, the stable is still standing and inside, she finds her camel standing next to two horses. The animals look up when she enters. They stand frozen, staring at her.

She puts the book into the saddle bag next to the one on healing. It feels wrong, death and life together. The animals still watch at her, without an inch of fear. It`s not natural. But Miryam once heard that witches can talk to animals. Maybe it is true, after all. She unties the horses.

"Go north", she tells them, "that's the way out of the desert." Then, she climbs into her camel's saddle.

She decides right then and there that those powers might be evil, but she is not. And she won't use them. Not now and not ever. So she locks them away, right alongside all that pain and the memories she cannot face, the past she chose to leave behind

(Years later, Miryam will look back and wonder what would have happened if she had chosen differently. If it would have saved her all the pain that later came with realising that there is no way to lock away parts of yourself forever - or if it would have broken her to face these things right there.)

During the following days, she begins to understand that choosing that she doesn't want to be a witch doesn't mean that she stops being one. The strings are everywhere. She doesn't understand what they mean, but they. Drive. Her. Crazy. Then, there are the animals. Snakes, hares, even bugs - all of them suddenly approach her without an inch of fear.

"Go away!", Miryam yells at them, "I don't want this!" But if they do understand, they certainly don't listen.

Finally, burning sand gives way to soft grass and trees. Miryam ties her camel to a tree and runs her fingers through the grass. She smiles. Now, she just has to find the rebellion, then everything will be fine.

She takes the rest of her food out of the saddle bag and sits down, back leaning against a boulder. Just as she is about to take a bite of the hard cheese, the forest around her goes silent. Miryam is on her feet, knife in her hand, in a second. Quickly, she climbs onto the boulder.

Three Naga burst into the clearing. There is a dark shimmer around them, like an aura. The first Naga takes a step forward - and collapses, the tip of an arrow pointing out of his throat. An Ash arrow.

Another arrow goes flying and hits a second Naga in the shoulder. The faeries whirl, snarling, just as three people appear out of the bushes. Two men, one woman.

And all of them human.

The Naga, surprisingly, don't stand a chance. A few seconds and they are all dead. One of the human men, old enough that his blond hair is already streaked with gray, is down as well with a nasty slice over his stomach. His companion, brown-haired and handsome, kneels next to him, while the woman now has an arrow pointed at Miryam

"What is a pretty little faerie like you doing here?", she asks sharply.

But the brown-haired man looks up. His eyes slide from Miryam's face to her arm, where here sleeve slid up to reveal the brand on her arm. His eyes widen slightly, but his tone is light as he says: "You know, Tia, sometimes you can be shockingly blind. Can't you see that she is partially human?"

He stands up und jerks his head at the woman - Tia - who lowers her bow and takes his place at the injured man's side.

"Are you going to come down from that rock, or do you need me to help you?", he asks mockingly.

Miryam scowls at him and clims down. Her camel is pulling at its rope, but as soon as she puts a hand on its side, it calms down.

"Thank you. For your help", she says.

"You`re welcome. Although I do wonder what you are doing here. This isn't the safest region." He is younger than Miryam thought at first, five years older than her at most

"I survived worse”, she says.

The man glances at the brand on her arm again. "I can imagine."

But Miryam's attention goes to the injured man, who is now groaning in pain. "Someone needs to take care of that wound or he won't live another hour”, she says and starts searching her saddle back for her supplies

"You know anything of it?", Tia asks, but her eyes are full of hope

Miryam nods and kneels next to the injured, inspecting the wound. "I need some water", she says and Tia goes running

"I was looking for the rebellion", Miryam adds, in answer to the man's earlier question, "You wouldn't know anything about it, would you?"

He laughs softly. "Oh, I most certainly do. I just happen to be the leader of this particular group." He sketches a mocking bow. "Jurian, at your service."

----

Note: Like I said, more action this time. Miryam being a witch (or having any power at all) is not canon, but this headcanon is a particular favourite of mine and it doesn't contradict any of the information we have on her. Actually, there are some hints about her having certain abilities that I might just do a post on later

The next part will be about the beginnings of the War in other places: In the Night Court, Rhysand's father visits his son in the Illyrian camps for the first time in centuries and on the Continent, tensins are running high while Prince Drakon tries to deal with the fallout of his broken engagement

Edit: It just occurred to me that I don't think I ever specify Jurian's age later on (kind of forgot, oops), so I just wanted to make it clear here that he is NOT actually five years older than Miryam. I thought they'd have an age gap of 1.5-2 years, no more.

#miryam #drakon #jurian #morrigan #mor #before the wall #the war

13 notes · View notes

blankpaigefics · 5 years

Note

Hello! Would it be okay if I requested 32 (angst), 53 (smut) and 6 (fluff) with a happy ending with Chris (I strated calling him Chris cause I like his name and I almost wrote Christ gdi 😂), pretty please with a cherry on top? This dude's been killing me for the past few months and will most probably be the reason I'll never get a boyfriend 😭 Thank you and can't wait to read more of your writing! 😘

I was going to add something about calling him Chris when your angry but I completely forgot all about it 😭 sorry! I’m so used to calling him Chan.

And I know exactly what you mean, Chan raises everyones standards, I swear 😭

___

Late Night Visit

Prompt: “Because I love you god damnit!” + “If we get caught I’m blaming you.” + “What are you doing here? It’s late.”

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Word Count: 1129

Member: Bang Chan

Warnings: a bit of smut

You glance up at your brother from your spot on the couch, pausing the scrolling on your phone.

“Going to bed already?”

He nods as he rubs his eyes.

“Don’t stay up too late okay, you need to get some sleep.”

You wave him off with a smile. “Yeah, yeah. Goodnight Hyunjinnie. Oh, and thanks again for letting me crash on your couch.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to let you stay at your place while the building has a gas leak.” He smiles at you before vanishing down the hallway to his bedroom.

You chuckle to yourself as you turn your attention back to your phone.

The night carries on like this, you slouched on the couch, scrolling through your phone as the dull sound of the tv drones on in the background. You put your phone away as you change into your pyjamas and flick off the light, ready to fall asleep mid late-night movie. You’re just about to collapse onto the couch for the night when you hear a light knock at the front door.

You frown slightly as you glance towards it. You step forward quietly, stopping a few feet from the door and wait, listening.

Knock knock knock.

The light knock comes again.

You glance behind you, towards your brothers’ bedroom. There’s no sign of movement. You step forward and turn the lock on the door, pulling it open a crack and peering out.

“Chan?”

You are shocked, to say the least. The boy in front of you smiles shyly at you.

“Hey.” His voice is hoarse.

“What are you doing here? It’s late.”

“I came to talk to you.”

“It couldn’t wait until the morning?” You sigh impatiently.

“No, it couldn’t.”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now Chan.”

“Why not?”

“How did you even know I was here?” You ask, avoiding his question.

“Woojin’s one of my best friends. He told me yesterday when I saw him that you were staying here.”

“Of course he did.” You let out a huff as you rest your head on the side of the door.

“Gas leak, right?”

“What do you want Chan?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. You’re the one that ended this.” You gesture between the both of you. “Whatever this was. So can you just… go home.”

“No, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Chan, please,” You sigh again. “I’m too tired, I don’t want to listen to this okay. I can’t be bothered listening to this. I can’t be bothered with this friends with benefits thing. Just let it be over.”

“I can’t do that.”

You groan in annoyance. “Why not?”

“Because I love you god damn it!”

You feel yourself gasp. You glance behind you again and take a step outside, partially closing the door behind you and shushing Chan in the process.

“What… what did you say?”

“I said I love you, okay? I couldn’t do the friends with benefits because I realised I had feelings for you. I called it off because I was hoping these feelings would go away. But they didn’t. I just miss you now. So damn much. And-”

“You love me?”

He stops his rambling and looks you in the eyes with a nod.

“Yeah.” He pauses. “And when I realised I miss you, I just had to come and say something, and you probably don’t even want to see me right now but I-”

You grab his face and pull him close to you, kissing his soft lips.

“Stop talking.” You mumble.

He grins as he brings his hands to your hips, kissing you deeply. You wrap your arms around his neck as you push the door back open with your foot.

“Just get in here.” You grin as you pull him inside the apartment with you.

Chan shrugs off his jacket as you pull him towards your makeshift bed on the couch. You begin to make quick work of his pants as he pulls off his shirt, letting it drop to the floor.

“If we get caught, I’m blaming you.” You grin as you push him onto the couch.

He makes an offended gasp as you straddle his lap, trailing kisses along his jaw and neck as his hands run along your thighs.

“That’s hardly fair.”

You pull back and smile at him.

“Well, you’re only on this couch right now because you told me you love me.”

He smirks as he squeezes your thighs.

“I do.”

“Tell me again.”

“I love you.”

Your stomach does flips as his words reach your ears. You cup his face gently and bring your lips to his in a tender kiss.

“I love you too.”

His eyes scrunch up as a grin lights up his face.

You kiss him softly once more before you begin to deepen it, rolling your hips against his. He groans deeply against your lips, causing you to giggle. You sit up straight and look over towards the hallway.

“Shh, be quiet or you’ll wake up my brother.”

Chans’ lips find their place on your chest. His hands slide up your thighs and rest on your waist, helping you rock your hips against him again. He mumbles an ‘mmm’ at your words as he brings a hand up to your chest. He squeezes your breast before he pulls down your shirt, revealing the tender skin. His lips continue to ghost along your chest until he finally brings them to your nipple.

You sigh at the sensation, rolling your head back on your shoulders.

“You can’t stay tonight, okay?” You sigh. “You have to leave after this.”

He chuckles. His breath runs over your naked chest, sending shivers down your back.

“And here I thought we were ending the friends with benefits thing.”

You can’t help but grin.

“Is this really how you want to tell your best friend that you’re sleeping with his sister?”

He grins and shrugs as he continues to mark your chest.

“Let him.”

“Chan.” You sigh.

“I’m serious.” He stops his assault on your body and looks up to meet your eyes, halting your movements against his body. “I don’t want to leave you ever again.”

You rest a hand on his bare chest as you run your fingers through his hair.

“Things will be different this time. And I don’t want you to leave. But honestly, Hyunjin can’t find out by finding us on the couch in the morning. It’s not fair”

“You’re right. But, he’s asleep at the moment. So in the meantime…” He grabs the bottom of your shirt and pulls it up over your head. His eyes travel down your naked torso. He bites his lip before bringing his eyes back up to meet yours.

“Where was I?”

#to-move-on-means-to-grow #stray kids #stray kids scenario #stray kids smut #stray kids angst #skz #skz scenario #skz smut #skz angst #bang chan #bang chan scenario #bang chan smut #chan scenarios #chan #chan smut #kpop

306 notes · View notes