#I re-read it like once a month lately | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ms-demeanor · 2 months

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Hello,Do you have any tips for recovering from internet brain rot? It's like my patience has dried up and if there's a huge amount of text (even about topics I'm very interested in) that I have to read, I get annoyed and just don't interact with the material at all.

I have multiple tips!

TL;DR (Because of course I generated a wall of text): Take a break from the internet, create a schedule for getting yourself used to reading longer texts, take breaks while reading, and perhaps reconsider how you interact with The Internet and the world in general.

Here are the basic "to reduce the brain rot just don't interact" tips:

Take a break. Give yourself time off from The Internet (for these purposes The Internet is the social media industrial complex; clickbait news, recommended videos, social media sites, etc. You don't have to totally check out of email or your local news site, just get away from the huge time sucks). I'd say to take at least one day a week where you're online for less than an hour a day, and to maybe work up to doing a week-long break from whatever the main agents of rot are.

Once you've identified the main agents of rot, give yourself a time limit or set up rules for yourself. I don't let myself look at social media in bed, for instance; no staying up late on my phone, no scrolling before I get up and start my day. I don't give myself a strict time limit anymore, but for a while there I was very firm about "you only get to go online 4 hours a day" with myself.

Don't comment (or at least only share the things you really want to share). If you feel the need to argue, or if you feel pressured into sharing something, don't. Step back, maybe even open the post in a new tab or send it to yourself, and come back later. If you've been thinking about it and have decided it IS something you care enough to talk about, share it. If you look at the tab and feel stressed out or still feel reactive, close the tab and walk away.

Go out and interact with the real world in a non-work capacity for a few hours a week; take walks or go shopping or go out and take pictures of insects. Touch grass so that The Internet is not the only thing you're doing with your downtime.

Here are the "work on reading longer texts specifically" tips:

Set a reading goal for yourself. Maybe you want to read one New Yorker article a week, maybe you want to read all the way through news articles, maybe you want to read novels like you used to in high school. Figure out what your actual goal is and articulate that goal to yourself.

Set up a practice schedule and gradually increase the amount of time you're reading. Don't go from short tumblr posts to a novella, go from short tumblr posts to slightly longer news articles, then to slightly longer essays, then to a novella. You can do this in literal paragraphs if you want to - maybe your goal for your first day is to read five paragraphs in a row, and the second day is seven, and the third day is ten, etc, until you are comfortably reading for longer amounts of time without counting paragraphs. (Try this with books from gutenberg.org; read a classic you haven't read a few paragraphs at a time and if you find yourself going over your paragraph count, let yourself run with it. If you finish a book, good for you, find another one and start again.)

Set up a maintenance schedule. If your goal is to read longer news pieces, try to read a longer piece every week and try to read to the end of every news article you open. If your goal is to read novels or longer nonfiction, try to read a book a month (maybe setting aside dedicated time each week to read, maybe Thursday evenings are book time now). If you find yourself falling back into old habits, take a break from The Internet and do some more rigorous practice for a while.

If you find yourself getting frustrated while you are reading you can also take a break! Read until you get frustrated and then *instead of switching to a different page or closing the article* close your eyes or look out the window or away from the screen for thirty seconds (count 'em! count out the time in your head) and then continue reading. You can also take a longer pause and sit and think about why you're getting frustrated. Is it the subject matter? Is it just looking at this text for longer than a couple minutes (if you are experiencing FOMO because you're reading for another few minutes instead of scrolling, the harder tips at the bottom are going to be important to you)? Are you comfortable? Are you reading this text to procrastinate from something and the procrastination is making you nervous? Are you trying to read to the bottom of your dash and reading a long post is taking up more time than you want while scrolling? Are you bored? Genuinely and very seriously: are your eyes straining and does your head hurt (if this is the case when is the last time you had your eyes checked or your glasses prescription updated)?

Here are the much harder "examine yourself and reassess your reactions to things" tips:

Work on re-training your attention span.

Identify something that you enjoy and find deeply engaging, and schedule some dedicated time for that thing. Set a literal timer (it can be a short amount of time at first) and sit down and do the thing without switching to a different website or opening up an app on your phone. This can be re-reading or watching a couple episodes of a show you like or listening to your favorite album while you sit down and draw. What's important is to spend a longer time focusing on doing something you DO like before attempting to spend a longer time focusing on something you DON'T like.

When you're starting on things you DON'T like, start with things you mildly don't like, or that feel tedious but aren't actually unpleasant. One way I do this is by transcribing poetry; I look up poems that I connect to and I transcribe them into a notebook that I have for that purpose. I enjoy having the finished product, but I don't enjoy the process, so it takes some effort to stick with it. Maybe there is a boring book you have been trying to get through, maybe you need to detail your car, maybe you've been trying to take up embroidery - these are good things to make yourself pay attention to (having music or a podcast on can help, but avoid watching videos or opening social apps)

When you're okay at that kind of thing (doing something not actively unpleasant) work on your attention span for things you ACTIVELY don't like. I don't think you should be a masochist about this, but you should work on being okay with doing unpleasant things for a sustained period of time. All of us have to do unpleasant stuff sometimes, and it's better to be able to pay attention to it for an hour at a time than it is to put it off forever.

This leads into the next Big Tip which is:

Work on being less reactive

Find something that you dislike; I'm going to use conservative talk radio as my example.

Expose yourself to the disliked thing for short periods of time (under ten minutes, maybe under five minutes).

Work on moderating your emotions during the time spent exposed to the disliked thing. If it makes you angry, work on intellectualizing the anger without becoming agitated by it. If it makes you sad, work on accepting that sadness without letting it drag down your mood. This isn't precisely about becoming numb to stimuli, but it is about being more in control of how your emotional reactions impact you.

Analyze the disliked thing. Why does it make you angry? Is that on purpose by the creator of the thing? Would it make someone else angry in the same way? How would you explain the anger to a neutral third party?

Consider responding instead of reacting. Let's say you're seeing a lot of very sad and upsetting things online and it's making you sad and upsetting you. You re-share these things because you don't feel like there's anything else you can do or you get angry when you see people sharing incorrect information, perhaps you argue with people about this. Now try looking at the upsetting things through the lens of point number four. This has upset you; how has it upset you? And once you've thought about how it upset you and have articulated that to yourself, find out what you can DO. I cannot make conservative talk radio go off the air, but I can support the groups harmed by conservative talk radio; thus there is no point in me getting upset and angry about conservative talk radio when I could be helping the people they target instead.

And that gets us to the last big tip which is:

Ask yourself if you are spending your time in a way that is enjoyable and edifying.

We all have limited time in our days and limited time in our lives. If you are finding yourself frequently frustrated online, it's a good time to consider whether you want to be spending so much time online.

If you feel like The Internet has become a rat race in which you can't read more than a few paragraphs without getting frustrated, there's a good chance that not only are you spending too much time on The Internet, but you're also spending it on doing things that you don't particularly like.

A realization like yours, Anon, that you are getting frustrated with any longer texts, can actually be really helpful because it provides a good opportunity to look at what you're engaging with and consider the questions:

Is this something I enjoy?

Do I feel good when I do this thing?

And that's a great way to figure out how to get rid of things that are leading to your background frustration. Maybe that looks like paring down the list of blogs you follow, maybe that looks like unsubscribing from some youtubers and podcasts, maybe that looks like uninstalling apps, maybe that looks like blocking a whole bunch of people and terms on your socials.

I don't think that everything we do has to help us grow as a person or expand our consciousness or anything like that, but I do think it's important to prioritize doing things that you like and doing things that you feel good about.

Like, I'm not doing something *wrong* if I spend an afternoon on Youtube watching drama channels every once in a while, but if I come out of a few afternoons of watching youtube drama channels feeling restless and anxious and like I wasted my time - even if I enjoyed myself while I was watching - it's probably a good idea for me to take a break from drama channels and see if there's something I can do instead that will make me feel better.

ALSO, A NOTE:

You are an animal that requires significant enrichment in your enclosure.

Think about tigers. Tigers in captivity are going to be excited to get high-value treats for any reason. They will eat and enjoy the treats. But if a tiger in captivity is only given the treats and never given any other form of activity to engage with, it is not going to be a happy tiger. If you start putting their treats in a pumpkin or a puzzle feeder or giving them toys to play with, that is going to be a much happier tiger.

Please give your brain things to play with that are more than just treats (though it does need some treats!). Make yourself a happy tiger. Your brain need a puzzle feeder, not a treat button.

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zanarkandskylines · 18 days

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Hiii omg I love your writings so much!!

May i request texting katsuki while reader is drunk in a bar (maybe bc reader just broke up with her previous boyfriend or sth. It’s up to you but please make it spicy 🔥) (also 18+ please 🥹)

ohhhh the things swirling in my head about this!!! thank you for the request nonnie & hope it delivers! 💜

on the rocks

『 ♡ 』 k.bakugo x fem!reader ꒰ pro-hero au | age 24 | friends to fwb ꒱ ⇢ your week couldn’t get any worse. between a screw up at work and getting dumped out of the blue, you needed to desperately let off some steam. thank goodness the girls were more than happy to take you out for the night in the city and spoil you with a good time. everything’s fine until you receive a text that spirals into an unpredicted hookup.

꒰ tags & warnings ꒱ 18+ MDNI mentions of alcohol, mild/implied smut, suggestive texting, friends to friends with benefits, heavy flirting, sexually comfortable reader, reader went through a break-up, soft bakugo, fluffy ꒰ cross posted to ao3 | wc; ~2.6k ꒱ -`✧ katsuki bakugo masterlist

The bartender hands you the drink you ordered, nodding a thanks when you smile at her. You’re not drunk, per se, but you’re definitely buzzed - that warm and fuzzy feeling dancing through your veins, letting you relax for the first time all week. Tonight's goal was to think about absolutely nothing, to let go of all the shit weighing on your shoulders. Even if it's just for one night, anything to shake away the pain you've been carrying.

But the alcohol seems to be betraying you, forcibly shoving those thoughts to the forefront of your mind instead of burying them.

Memories of your ex begin to haunt you as your mind wanders aimlessly, the dam bursting that was keeping it all at bay. You try and shake your head to rid yourself of the feelings, but they just wouldn’t go away.

God, fuck him and every false promise he made to you.

Some people would consider three months a short amount of time, but to you, it felt like an eternity. He seemed so sweet, caring and kind when you first met, but once he forcibly ripped off your rose-colored glasses? He was nothing but a walking pile of shit.

Suddenly, your phone dings on the bar, lighting up to show a text message notification.

'Who the fuck is texting me so late?'

You blink a few times, re-reading the contact name before it registers: Katsuki Bakugo.

That's rather...odd. He's notorious for going to bed by 9pm - it’s almost midnight. You two were friends, sure, but never the 'text you in the middle of the night' type of friends. Curious to know what he wanted, you open the text to reveal nothing but a picture. When you squint through your hazy vision, you realize just what you're looking at.

It's a picture of Bakugo from the neck down, laying on his bed in nothing but grey sweats that are tugged down and nestled at the bottom of his hip bones. The pose accentuates the delicious deep V below his abs and shows the blonde trail disappearing underneath the hem of his sweatpants. The shadows trace each well-earned muscle, perfectly outlining them in the dim light of his bedroom.

Was this meant for you? Did he send it to you by accident? Your mind goes blank, stopping your previous train of thought about your stupid ex.

…did he send it to you on purpose? Your core pulses at the thought, causing you to cross your legs defensively.

Right on queue, another text pops up, your phone vibrating in your hands.

[katsuki] fuck, sorry. that was an accident

That was a bold face fucking lie, and you knew it. Bakugo's not that stupid to send the wrong text by mistake, especially a selfie. There's no way in hell he would even take a picture like that for someone unless he wanted it to be seen.

Liquid courage does you a favor when you reply, loosely teasing him about it.

[you] damn, katsuki. who's the lucky girl?

You don't notice Mina approaching you with how intently you're staring at your phone screen, startling you when she taps your shoulder.

"What are ya doing over here?! Come dance with us!" she pleads, pulling on your arm. She notices how you're clutching your phone like a lifeline and the coral tint on your cheeks. She quirks an eyebrow at you. "Who are you texting?"

Oh god, find a lie - fast! She'll see right through your facade if you don't.

"No one, just a spam text."

Mina stares at you - shit, she knows you're lying.

"You're a shit liar, babe. Who is it?"

"I got a random text from Katsuki," you admit, the flush in your cheeks deepening at his name. Are you into him, or is it the alcohol in your system? It's no secret that he's attractive, he's always been effortlessly handsome. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't checked him out a few times, but never acted on it. The two of you were friends and you’d assumed he didn't think much else of you.

Mina grabs the phone from your hands, entering in your passcode (how did she know it?!) and reading the texts. Her eyes blow open, pinching the screen to zoom in on the photo. You scramble to grab the phone back to quit her oogling as she's squealing with glee.

"Holy shit!" she yells. "Accident my ass, Blasty. Damn, that's hot."

"Mina! Keep your voice down," you beg, locking the screen to prevent anyone else from seeing.

"No one is listening over this music," she squawks, punching you lightly in the arm. "Come back to us soon you minx!"

And with that, she leaves you at the bar, returning to the dance circle with the rest of your girlfriends. Your phone vibrates a few more times in your hand and recaptures your attention.

[katsuki] thought you'd like a distraction [katsuki] shit, if this is weird, just tell me and i'll fuck off [katsuki] i should've just asked instead

So it was on purpose. You swallow hard as you shakily type out your reply, trying to keep your cool.

[you] it's not weird, what made you think of me? [katsuki] mina wouldn't shut the fuck up about you earlier. sent me pictures of you in the dress you have on, couldn't get it outta my head

When the fuck did Mina do that?! You had thought she was taking pictures of herself earlier at your apartment. That sneaky bitch!

[you] goddammit mina, i'm sorry about her. why would she send them to you?

You see the typing indicator pop up and disappear a few times before his response arrives.

[katsuki] you know how she is, playing matchmaker and shit with everybody [katsuki] honestly? i'm not mad about it [you] oh? [you] so that's why you sent it to me. hell of a pickup line kats [katsuki] fuck off [katsuki] i can't deny that you're gorgeous [you] yeah? feelings mutual

Your face is burning hot, sitting at the bar in disbelief that Bakugo's flirting with you. And it was all because he was infatuated with what you're wearing? He couldn't get it out of his head?

You're still debating on whether you want to yell at or thank Mina for igniting this fire. [katsuki] where are you right now? [you] sitting at the bar, some club in the city

Another picture is delivered to you on screen and has your jaw dropping to the floor.

The picture is closer to his face this time, cut off at his cheekbones and barely illuminated as Bakugo's fingers are parted over his mouth. His tongue is lazily hanging above his bottom lip with a string of salvia attached to one of his fingers.

Your legs twitch as you bite your lip, imagining his face slotted between your thighs.

[you] holy shit, katsuki...fuck [katsuki] find a bathroom or some dark corner [katsuki] there's more where that came from. just say the word, princess

The pet name is doing things to you that you didn't think was possible. Your overloaded with a sudden rush of arousal, heat twisting in your belly at his promise. Grabbing your bag from the chair, you bolt to the nearest bathroom and lock the door behind you. Luckily, this club's on the nicer side, the bathroom not being as scummy as you thought it would be. You set your things on the counter and grab your phone, turning the camera on and pointing it in the mirror.

If that's how he wanted to play? You could play right back.

[you] that deserves a reward

The photo attached shows your breast pushed closed together, daring to spill out of the top of your dress and wearing the poutiest lip you could muster.

Bakugo’s response is immediate.

[katsuki] goddamn, your tits look amazing in that dress [you] would you believe me if i said they look better out of it?

You turn the camera back on and click the record button, sensually slipping the top of your dress down and letting your breasts loosely lay over the bust. Your nipples are pebbled from the rousing desire flowing through you, making them standing perfectly at attention. You give the camera a wink and squeeze one of your breasts playfully. Once you're happy with the video, you send it with no hesitation and readjust your dress. [katsuki] holy fuck [katsuki] you alone? That's not the response you expected, but you roll with it. [you] yeah, one person bathroom

- Incoming Call: Katsuki Bakugo -

You stare at the contact screen for a few seconds before picking up.

"Hey Kat," you greet, nervousness wracking your body, the thrill of the situation making your heart flutter.

"I wanted 'ta hear your voice instead," Bakugo groans, heavy breaths following his words. "I never thought you'd...want to do this with me."

You can't help but laugh under your breath. "Never thought you wanted to, either."

You're thankful that your not drunk off your ass after all - you want to remember this. You're tipsy, but coherent.

And turned on to high heaven.

Bakugo breaks the silence before you cut him off. "I know you're fresh outta-"

"Katsuki, he's not worth mentioning. I'm focused on you right now."

"Yeah? Tell me more."

"I'd love to see what you're hiding under those sweats, Dynamight. I'm practically a puddle just thinking about it. How do you think my lips would look wrapped around you?"

You can hear Bakugo exhale into the phone and groan. He tries to hide it, but fails miserably.

"Cat got your tongue, huh? Too forward?"

"N-no. It's fuckin' hot. Shit," he whispers with baited breath. "God, what club are you at again?"

"The one near Shibuya station. Crystal Crown, I think. Why?"

There's a pause before you hear various clicks and a beep or two from his side before he answers.

"Changed my mind, this ain't happenin' over the phone the first time. You're 15 minutes from my place, I'm comin' to get ya."

You can feel your panties soak from your excitement, clenching at the thought of him just ravaging you in his car and not being able to make it back to his apartment before touching you like a man starved.

"Coming to sweep me off my feet or to fuck my brains out?" The words spill from your lips before you can stop them, but you don’t regret it when you hear Bakugo moan in response - loudly.

"Fuckin’ - have you been stockpilin’ this shit ‘ta say to me?" He laughs. “You’re gonna kill me before I leave the damn apartment.”

“Didn’t think you’d be so easy to play with,” you joke playfully, twirling a piece of your hair in your fingers. “Better get here before I change my mind, find some other rebound in this stupid club.”

“I’ll be your fuckin’ rebound any day of the week, sweetheart. Ain’t no guy in that building better than me.”

His confidence makes it difficult to bite back the moan in your throat.

“Guess you need to prove it. Get your ass over here, I’ll be out front. You better be wearing those sweats.”

You’re about to hang up when you hear Bakugo say something quietly, too muted for you to make out right away.

“Kats?”

He clears his throat before repeating himself, his voice soft and low. “You sure y’want this? I don’t wanna fuck anythin’ up or whatever.”

“You won’t fuck anything up, nothing wrong with friends fucking with no strings attached. I already flashed my tits at you, no turning back now.”

You subtly hear him let go of the breath he was holding and a hollow chuckle, sounding relieved at your answer.

“Good. See ya soon.”

The line ends with a click, leaving you with your thoughts while staring in the bathroom mirror. You didn’t realize how badly you’ve been shaking until you attempt to walk, unexpectedly stumbling like a baby deer on your heels. Once you gather yourself, you exit the bathroom and hurry over to the dance floor. Mina spots you, rolling her eyes and placing her hands on her hips when you approach the group.

“Where the hell have you been?!” She shouts over the music. “I was starting to think you died in there.”

“I’m heading home,” you say while waving your hand, brushing away her worries.

“Oh…oh my god. Is Bakugo coming to get you?!”

“Mina!”

Jiro and Uraraka turn in your direction, yelling in unison. “Bakugo?!?!”

You palm your face, desperately attempting to hide your flared cheeks as the girls squeal and cheer for you.

“Stop it! We’re still just friends!”

Mina clicks her tongue. “Uh-huh. That’s what I said about Kiri a year ago, and now look at us!”

“You gotta let us know how it goes,” Uraraka winks, elbowing you in the rib. "Rumor has it he lives up to his hero name in bed."

Before the interrogation continues, you back away from the group with a smile and turn for the entrance. You slide through the doors and slip out onto the sidewalk and see Bakugo parked out front, smiling as his eyes spot you on the busy street.

Has he ever smiled at you like that before?

He gets out of the car and walks around to greet you.

“Hey Katsu-”

Before you can process what’s happening, Bakugo’s got one hand on your waist and the other on the back of your neck. He gently leans you against the car as he swoops down to place a featherlight kiss to your lips. You squeak before melting into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Sparks are flying through your whole body - a sensation you haven’t felt for a long time. When the two of you part, his eyes are half-lidded, cheeks flushed and lips parted with shallow breaths.

“Ready to go?” He asks, removing the hand from your neck and stroking your cheek with his thumb. Your heart is in your throat, strangling any words you try to say, so instead, you just nod ‘yes.’ Bakugo walks you to the passenger side and opens the door for you, just like any other time you’ve hung out. When he shuts the door and goes to walk to the drivers side, you finally notice he’s wearing the damn grey sweatpants.

The entire drive back to his place, Bakugo’s hand doesn’t leave your thigh. His fingers danced over your skin, playing with the hem of your dress and gingerly squeezing the plush surface every so often. You return the favor, walking your fingers up the inside of his thigh a few times, stopping short of the growing tent in his sweats. Pulling up to his apartment complex seems to take the breath out of both of you. He turns the car off and you sit idly in silence, it's only a minute or two, but feels like a lifetime.

Bakugo gets out first, jogging over to your side to open your door. He takes your hand as you stand, closing the door behind you and swiftly sweeping you off your feet into his arms, bridal style.

"Wow, do all the girls you bring home get this treatment?" you tease, planting a kiss on his warm cheek.

"Never had the pleasure of bringin' a princess home, so no."

That shuts you up and makes you quiver in his hold.

"I'm honored, sir Dynamight. Take me to your castle!" You swoon, dramatically leaning back with a hand over your head.

Bakugo shakes his head and grins, starting to jog through the parking lot and up the stairs with you. You hold onto his shoulders while giggling uncontrollably, ecstatic to see where the night takes you.

One things for certain - you haven't thought about your ex once. And you look forward to keeping it that way.

tags; @slayfics @maddietries

#bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo smut #bakugo fluff #katsuki bakugo #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou #bnha bakugo #katsuki bakugou x reader #my hero academia smut #☆.rei writes #☆.from the stars

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jinkicake · 1 year

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HSHDHSHD HI AGAIN I JUST SAW UR CHILDE AND SCARAMOUCHE ARRANGE MARRIAGE POST AND I GO SJGNFNFNFNDNNFNDNG THE WAY U WRITE ARRANGE MARRIAGE TROPES>>>>>>/lh UR WRITTING IS SO GOOD!! I ALWAYS COMEBACK AND RE READ IT EVERYTIME AND I JUST REALIZED U ALSO WRITE FOR OBEY ME?! AND UR WRITING IS THE FIRST FEW ONES I'VE READ AFTER I JOIN THE OM FANDOM TOO?!👀💖💐

Ps. Would u mind if I request a 2nd part for the arrange marriage aus for the first fews chars (esp. Perrio👀) if nit they it's fine <33 thx u for creating such an amazing content!!💖💖

Forced / Arranged Marriage Trope

(pt. ??) Alhaitham, Dottore, Pierro, Zhongli x Reader

fem!reader bc I like the use of ‘wife’

A/N: hi anon!! thank you for being so patient w me and for being so sweet </333 T T i hope you like this~~ if you want me to do part2 for anyone else let me know!! I only did it for zhongli and pierro teehee bc i also wanted to add alhaitham and dottore (i hope that is alright~~)

WC - 3.2k

- yandere!dottore // dottore is his own warning -

NSFW // LIGHT SMUT (pierro+zhongli)

~~~

Alhaitham

“I will be home after sundown, habibti." Alhaitham places a gentle hand on your shoulder after he stands up from his chair at the dining room table. He lowers his head with a slight dip of his neck to place a kiss on the crown of your hair. “Be good today.”

And then he is gone.

Months have passed since your husband began staying late after work. You don’t understand it in the slightest, he hates doing unnecessary tasks. The entire time you’ve known him, courting and beyond, Alhaitham has always spared time in his day for his interests. One day, he even told you that his favorite part of each day was settling down to read. He likes to live a carefree and relaxed lifestyle, so staying late in the Akademiya seems like the complete opposite of that.

Regardless, you bear the weight of your suspicions and ignore it.

You focus on being the docile wife you were advertised as and focus on your housework. In truth, your arranged marriage could not have gone any better. Despite your parents parading you around, you somehow found the most laid-back candidate who suited your needs to a t. Every night you thank the Lesser Lord Kusanali for such a kind husband, who lets you come and go as you please. You would have probably hired a hit on your parents, as opposed to never speaking with them again, if they married you away to a cruel man.

However, housework only keeps you busy for so long and before you know it, it is ten am and you have finished everything that you wanted to do for the day. You could go bother your husband’s old roommate or have a meal with your friend but, you notice that Alhaitham left his lunch today. The neatly prepared and packed lunch is still sitting on the counter where you left it. He must have forgotten to grab it.

With ignorance only Alhaitham could have installed in you, a result of keeping you in the dark for so long, you head toward the Akademiya. However, you regret it once you speak with his co-workers.

“Alhaitham is not here today.”

“Your husband? He didn’t come in this morning,”

“I heard he was heading to Port Ormos after speaking with the Gauhar.”

Through your dejection, you braced a kind smile and thanked them all before heading back home. What could your husband possibly be going to the port for? He’s not a student anymore, there’s no reason for him to be going there.

Unless someone else is there.

You stubbornly try to shake that negative thought out of your head as you walk through the marketplace. As if Alhaitham would commit something of adultery, he doesn’t show interest in anything or anyone.

Perhaps, you will have to speak about this with him when he returns home.

Returning home that night was not something Alhaitham did. In fact, he did not return back to you for two nights and only appeared on the third morning of his disappearance.

To say that you were upset would be an understatement and your husband was able to see it the second he walks in through the door.

“(Y/N), I know I have been gone-”

“Where have you been?” You don’t give him the chance to begin with the sorry apologies as you cross your arms over your chest, you get straight to the point.

“It was for the Akademiya, I cannot discuss the matters with you and you know this.” He sounds sincere enough, there’s a tiredness to his words that you can’t pinpoint. “I wanted to check in with you before I returned.”

“Check in with me?” You scoff and start to look at him as if he had grown three heads. “Check in with me before returning to your mistress?”

“My mistress?” Alhaitham raises a subtle brow and keeps a straight face despite the amusement growing in his chest.

“Why else have you been gone so long? Staying out so late? I’m not a fool and personally, I don’t care about who else you see.” You lie straight through your teeth, lie until you choke. Alhaitham sighs before stepping closer toward you.

“I really cannot share the details of this assignment just yet, you have to believe me, habibti.” He gently cups your shoulders, giving the area a soft squeeze before soothingly running over the planes of your back. “Listen to me when I say that I would never think of betraying you so cruelly.” And, before you have a chance to react, Alhaitham lowers his face to brush his lips against your ear. Vulnerability spills through his every word. “Please do not act so indifferent about the matter of us, I want you to care as freely about me as I do you.”

Smoothly, his hand cups your face and tilts you his way.

“No matter what thoughts you may come up with on your own, trust the logic that I love you.”

Dottore

“The Doctor will return from his mission sometime next week, perhaps during the beginning of the new moon-”

During the message personally delivered from your husband by a trusted subordinate, you can’t help but audibly groan.

“Why must he ruin my entire week with his presence? Did he specifically plan to return on Monday? Why couldn’t he have come back the following Saturday or Sunday?” You place your pen down with great irritation and with it, the notebook you were writing in slams shut. The large Fatui soldier stares down at you, quite flabbergasted by your actions. At the lack of response from your maids, he continues.

“Well, The Doctor wanted to spend some time with you before his next mission-”

“You’re kidding?” This time, you stand up and slam your palms against the strong wooden desk. Hatred and frustration flow through your veins, nearly choking you by your throat. “When you receive word that he is on his way, within a day away from me, then you will come back here and tell me. Understand?” You and your shorter frame could not nearly pose up to the Vanguard standing before you but, given the status of your esteemed husband, you can speak with him and any other solider of your choice however you want.

“Yes, my lady.” He offers a respectful bow before leaving your office and does not flinch under the intensity of your unwavering glare.

“My day is ruined.” You hum and try to calm yourself down by rolling out your shoulders. Within an instant your close friends (the maids assigned to you by your beloved) are by your side, offering you their condolences and support. “We must prepare for the torture that his arrival is ensured to bring. Where are my earplugs?”

Each day that follows, you work alongside other members of the house to prepare the cozy home that your husband chooses to reside in. Cozy is a cute way of describing it, this castle that hides within the mountains is anything but cozy. It’s large and empty but, you rather enjoy all the empty space that provides shelter when you’re hiding from your husband.

In the midst of your breakfast later in the week, you’re interrupted by another announcement.

“My lady, The Doctor will arrive-”

“What do you want?” You scowl and push your plate away, lowering your utensils before standing up from your chair. Now, just like your week and the ones that follow, your meal is ruined too. “I do not care when that wretched vermin will arrive. Tell me when he is here and leave me alone.”

“That is the thing, my lady, he is here early.” As one of the Legionaries beside the previous Vanguard steps to the side, your husband moves in front of you. He stands tall on the other side of the long dining room table and you have half a mind to sprint for the door. “I did not have time to issue the previous warning you asked for.”

“Warning? Is that how you speak of me when I am not around?” Dottore tilts his head slightly before slowly walking around the table. You try not to shake as he corners you, hands braced behind his back. “Oh? Where has your attitude gone? Down the drain with your fight?”

He doesn’t have to remove his mask for you to see the sneer on his face, the anger that is sure to be littering his features.

“Dear,” You nervously greet him, offering a pathetic smile that does little to hide your nerves.

“Sweetheart,” He greets back just as gently but, you can see the tension in his shoulders. “I must confess that I was thinking we would spend time with one another before my next trip to Sumeru but, now I'm not so sure.”

But? You mentally pray and pray to the Tsaritsa that he changes his mind and ditches you altogether, that he leaves you alone again for months on end. Anything would be better than facing his wrath.

“I don’t think we need to see one another for a while.” He waits for you to let out the breath you were holding in, to sigh in relief, before gripping your jaw with his gloved hand. “I think it would only be fair since you’ll now be coming with me to Sumeru. We can spend the entire trip together, side by side. Finally, you’ll be able to see my work up close and not just from your timid frame in the lab doorway.”

You can’t hide the way your lip begins to quiver, eyes filling with tears. That is the last thing you would ever want.

“Aren’t you excited, my wife? You must be since you’re near bursting into tears!” He mocks you until your soul breaks, until the farthest place you could ever be from him is no longer far enough. “If this is how you act when we are apart then, you will never be from my side ever again.”

Pierro

“You are a blessing,” Pierro murmurs lowly as his hands delicately sculpt your sides, gently he presses into your skin with his thick fingers. “a divine creation.” Like this, he worships you. His lips lightly trail between the valley of your breasts as he ascends up your body. “Hundreds of years have passed since I’ve felt this alive.”

Pierro slowly drags his lips up your throat and over your jaw to hover above your lips. His breath fans your chin, teasing you with his close proximity. He laughs when you tilt your chin in an attempt to kiss him, but it fails.

Regardless of how you care for your husband outside of your shared bedroom, you always love him inside of it.

“Please,” Your quiet voice sounds like a melody to the older man and he nearly sighs at the sweet tone. This is all he has ever desired, you wanting and yearning for him. He knows his words will never be enough to get this point across, ever.

With a light hand, the man brushes any lingering strands of your hair out of your face. He stares down at you with lust-filled eyes before cupping your jaw with his large palm. Subtly, Pierro tilts your face upward and meets your lips in a passionate kiss. As he presses his mouth against your own, applying just the correct amount of pressure, his thumb gently strokes your cheek. It’s a sweet kiss, one that leaves you breathless and wanting more.

Before he can catch himself and reel in his self-restraint, Pierro cups your breast. Your arms loop around his neck, digging your fingers into his broad shoulders as he fondles and squeezes at your chest. The constant stimulation only makes you greedier for more and your hips create a mind of their own as you roll slowly upwards against his pelvis.

“My wife,” Pierro groans, pulling away momentarily to catch his breath. His voice sounds shaky as he tries to fight back the overwhelming desire to just take you right now. “enough, before you make me do something I’ll regret.”

The first of the eleven Fatui harbingers thinks he has himself under control finally, that he will be able to continue but then you glance up at him. In your young eyes, mischief shines brighter than the life in his own.

“It’s alright if I don’t regret it, don’t you think?” And then you kiss him once more. You yank roughly on his neck, catching him off guard, and pull him down again.

The growl that leaves your husband is animalistic. His sharp reflexes snap at your wrist, pinning you effectively to the bed without much room to move. The kiss of his lips, once sweet, turns possessive and greedy as he presses you into submission. With little fight, you obediently fall right into his open palms with your lips parting at the slightest jut of his tongue.

Skillful hips roll against your own, Pierro’s hard cock grinds into your clothed cunt and the sensation against your sensitive clit makes your eyes roll to the back of your head. When you start failing to kiss back, Pierro makes his attack. He squeezes your wrists and shoves his tongue into your mouth, swallowing and taking all that you will give him. Your thighs are beginning to burn against the stretch of being spread for his muscular waist but, the pain is dulled over at each slot of his hips.

Your pitiful whimper pulls him from his conquest and Pierro remorsefully separates himself from your lips.

“I need you,” Your whisper does not fall deaf on his ears, Pierro hears every single word. No matter how much you make fun of the older man, poking at his true age, he’s sharpened every one of his skills beyond their years.

“I know, my beloved, I know what you need.” His hands make you sigh out loud as they run up and down your waist, breathy moans leave your lips. “Do you understand the affection that I hold for you? Are you aware of the effect you have on me?” Pierro closely watches your reaction, stares as you keep your eyes closed and don’t so much as flinch at his words. You simply hum and lay like a blessing against his sheets. Now, the older man lowers his lips to your stomach and presses his mouth into your skin. He gently creates a path to the band of your panties with each kiss getting heavier than the last.

“One day, you will understand the true extent of my feelings.”

Zhongli

Lately, you’ve been worried about your husband. Your concerns are nothing new or anything revolutionary but, you can’t speak about it to your friends or others who are unaware of his godly status. To deal with the matter, you sought out the one person you could discuss the matter with, one of the people who know him better than you do.

“I’m worried about Zhongli,” You sit patiently at the stone table, in your husband’s seat as you confess your inner feelings to the cloud retainer.

“Zhongli?” The bird rolls her eyes, tasting the name on her tongue before it clicks. “Morax. What is there to be concerned about? Foolish girl, he adores you.” The cloud retainer raises a judgmental brow at your timidness as she pours you a cup of tea. She sits down with an elegance that makes you feel small in her presence. Still, you proceed.

If any of the adeptus are going to listen to you, it’s her. If there is a single one that you can trust, it is her.

“Isn’t that the problem?” Truthfully, you have been worried about the upcoming and unforeseen future. You’re always worried about it. Not that you will disappear soon but, mortal lives are nothing compared to that of an adeptus. How will he fare when you pass? How can you prepare him for it? “What will happen to him when I inevitably-”

The aged bird cuts you off before you can even finish your sentence.

“Speaking of such circumstances when they are nowhere in the near future will only come back to bite you.” Cloud retainer quietly sips at her drink, leaving a few moments of silence between the two of you before she sighs. “Fully cherish the time you have with him, that is the only piece of advice I can offer you.”

And that is as far as you go with her on the matter, the conversation was over.

Still, in your heart, you weren’t satisfied with the answer.

It continued to bug you even as you tried to ignore it, even as you tried to cherish the time you have with the immortal.

“How are you today, my dear?” Every single day when he returns, Zhongli finds you and presses a delicate kiss on your cheek. It’s a kind gesture that always makes you melt into the palm of his hand.

It also, more often than not, always leads to something else. Something more intimate.

“Would you forgive me if I said that I missed you today,” Zhongli’s low voice fills your senses and clouds your mind, leaving you barely unable to think. Now pressed into the couch with your husband over top of you, protectively holding your thighs over his hips, all you can do is take everything that the god has to give you. “I’m often missing you when you are away.”

His pure confessions make your gut twist in an uncomfortable way.

“Will you be okay when I am no longer here?” You whisper, letting the words spill into his ears as you hide your face in his neck.

Zhongli stops his movements. The gentle, smooth thrusts of his hips come to a standstill as his hands lower from your thighs. He places a palm beside your head and pulls back enough that he can look at you.

“I will never be the same without you.” The raw emotion in his features and the distinct vulnerability in his eyes cause tears to well up in your eyes. “But, I will continue to live. Your memory will keep me alive until we can be reunited again.” His gentle touch comes up to wipe at your tears as his thumbs brush over your cheeks. “I don’t want you to be worried about that just yet, okay, my gem?”

Softly, Zhongli presses his lips against yours and it muffles the sob that leaves your lips.

You tighten the grip that you have on his biceps, digging your fingers into his skin as your lips open for his tongue.

“I love you, I will always love you forever.” He murmurs into your cheek before kissing over your eyelids. Smoothly, his hips pick up a slow pace once more and you gasp loudly. The sound makes your husband laugh, gently shaking as he presses his forehead against your own. “If I had my way, we would have met earlier and you would never part from my side.”

In every touch, he portrays how much he loves you. There is an ‘I love you’ in the press of his fingers against your hips. There is an ‘I love you’ in the skillful roll of your hips and there is an ‘I love you’ in the gentle kiss of his lips.

Yes, Zhongli is sure he will always love you. Even through grief and mourning, he will never forget the feeling of loving you.

#al haitam x reader #dottore x reader #pierro x reader #zhongli x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin x you #genshin x female reader #alhaitham x reader #dottore x y/n #pierro x y/n #zhongli x you #yandere dottore #alhaitham fluff #pierro smut #zhongli smut #xiaos spicy almond tofu

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spamgyu · 3 months

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urs // Mingyu Series - Part 1

"the best at being the worst... but fuck sake I'm already yours"

DESCRIPTION: she and mingyu were in no place to be in a relationship. she was his best friend's stylist and he was... well he was kim mingyu; something stable was not something that was ideal for the two – not when their careers are both at it's peak. PAIRING: idol!mingyu x stylist!reader GENRE: angst WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol, implied smut, stubborn protagonists, so many red flags you would think this is a football game, features the love of mingyu's life (jungkook) and all his other besties

NOTE: if you read INFRUNAMI, no you didn't. this has the same-ish vibes BUT this is the re-written version. many events, actions, and overall plot has been changed. (even if the intro/first part is very similar)

"How was LA?" Mingyu asked, rolling off her bed; reaching to put on the black sweatpants he carelessly discarded earler. It was nearly a month and a half since he had last seen her, been with her, and he was desperate to feel her touch.

He allowed her to greet him with a quick hi before he scooped her off the ground and carried her over to her bed; doing what they knew best.

"Eh." She shrugged, also gathering her items off the floor – dressing herself as if she hadn't just allowed him to ravish her body like an animal that hand't been fed for days. "It's not as hectic since I only have one of them to work with."

She was referring to their mutual friend - the God sent human being that introduced the two. Not that his intention was for his group's stylist to have this arrangement with his best friend, no - he was simply being polite.

It was in good manners to introduce two strangers to one another, especially in a setting that required socializing. Y/n did her best to maintain a professional distance between her and Mingyu; she was just a stylist after all.

Of course, she was only successful for about 6 months and once again it was all thanks to his best friend.

Having to spend nearly every waking moment with the seven boys; y/n couldn't help but develop a friendship with them. Sooner or later she found herself being invited to more parties, dinners, and casual hang outs where Mingyu seemed to always be in attendance.

Somehow, the brooding tall boy of one of the famous boy groups that was slowly making it's way to the top of the charts, had charmed his way in to her pants. She wasn't complaining, of course.

The sex was good. Amazing even.

She was just a girl with needs.

Needs which just happened to have been met by someone who should have remained untouchable. Not just for the sake of their friend group but her job.

There wasn't a clause in her contract that forbid this, some staff members in their very large company having their fair share of flings and relations with idols that seemingly played off being single to the public. It was more of her own choice, not wanting to do anything to jeopordize the once in a lifetime chance she had managed to land herself as BTS' stylist.

Through her title of four years, she had managed to not only secure a well paying job but opportunities throughout the fashion industry – slowly making a name for herself.

Y/n wasn't just a nameless stranger credited at the end of albums, along with other staff members. Those late nights steaming garments, prepping for shoots, and 15 hour work days were finally paying off.

"That's good." Mingyu hummed, taking a seat on her bed - leaning back as he watched her go straight to her suitcase.

Unpacking as if nothing had happened.

The two have gotten very accustomed to their arrangement; having it been nearly a year and a half since they made the agreement of being friends... with a heck of a benefit.

But of course, there were set rules to their agreement.

Despite wanting to keep their actions as completely physical, she and Mingyu cared deeply for the friendship they had managed to develop in the four years they have known each other.

These set rules were put in place to ensure that their friendship will remain intact if they so decide to go off and find their own happiness or satisfaction elsewhere.

Simple as that.

RULE 1: Let either one know if they are planning to sleep around or date - for safety reasons. RULE 2: No kissing outside of sex RULE 3: Keep things platonic outside of the bedroom. No flirting, no obvious touching, nothing that will make others uncomfortable. RULE 4: No feelings.

It was very easy for the two to stay within the boundaries of these rules, considering how busy they were with their careers. They had no time to catch feelings - despite their friends' warnings that this could end badly.

They were dumb but they weren't stupid. They were well aware of the consequences of their actions.

"How's comeback prep?" She recalled him mentioning this during one of their late night calls a few months back after one of Mingyu's schedules; claiming he couldn't sleep and no one else was awake to entertain him.

"Exhausting, we're doing twice the amount of practice because of our world tour."

"Oh yeah." Y/n paused, looking up from the items she carelessly discarded into her bag the day before. "When's the first show?"

"Three weeks ago." Mingyu chuckled.

This was a typical conversation between the two; especially when both of their schedules become equally as packed. He had no expectations for her to know his every single move, the same way he rarely knew what city or project she may be up to at the top of his head.

And if Mingyu was being honest, he was happy with this. They had no obligations to one another – not having to worry about anyone's emotions, what they were doing, having to give updates on their daily life.

It was low maintenance.

Just what they both needed.

"Which reminds me," Mingyu shifted in his place, digging into his pocket to pull out a small black box; earning a raised brow from her. "Here."

"Are you proposing to me?" She took the box from him, hesitantly opening it.

"Ha ha." He rolled his eyes. "Minghao and I were at a second hand store by the hotel and I saw those and it reminded me of you."

It was a vintage silver chain bracelet with two charms hanging off it; a key and circular pendant - a rare Gucci x Tom Ford collab to be exact. She had a knack for silver jewelry, especially stackable ones with multiple charms hanging off of them.

Minghao was on a hunt for a leather jacket that night, claiming that Japan had one of the best thrift stores for 2nd-hand designer items. Mingyu allowed his friend to drag him along on his little shopping trip, under one condition; dinner was paid for.

With no other member interested in browsing endless rows of clothing racks, Minghao agreed to Mingyu's terms.

Little did he know that it would be Mingyu that would score the best find of the night. It wasn't that he planned to buy her something, he was simply taking a glance at the glass case and there just happened to be something that looked like it would match his friend's style.

"How much was it?"

He waved her off. "I make what I paid for that in just two minutes."

She grabbed the nearest sweater she had just folded; throwing it at him with a laugh. "Dumbass."

"No but seriously, it was really cheap."

"Thank you." She smiled, getting up from the floor with her arms open wide.

Mingyu leaned away, laughing. "Ew, are you trying to hug me?"

"Come on, don't reject my love." She grabbed his arm and tried to pull him up. Key word; tried. "Stop working out so much, you're too strong!"

"That's the goal, y/n." He refused to give in; flexing his bicep in attempts to loosen her grip.

"Are you- You're so insufferable." She let go of him.

Once their laughs subsided, they fell into a comfortable silence; Mingyu scrolling on his phone while she continued to unpack. He had no plans of leaving and she had no plans of kicking him out.

Mingyu and y/n didn't care to admit it, but they missed each other. After all, it was normal to miss your friend.

They didn't know how or when but somehow, in between the stories Mingyu told about his group's impromptu time in Rome and sharing her excitement for the new fall collections that were set to debut during Paris Fashion week, they found themselves cuddling. Her head rested on Mingyu's chest while she watched FRIENDS for the upteenth time whilst Mingyu watched the rough edit of their new music video - his free hand absentmindedly playing with a strand of her hair.

This wasn't breaking the rule; they were in the bedroom.

This was technically part of the benefits they agreed on.

"What's your plans for Chuseok? Is your mom flying in?"

She didn't grow up in Korea and had little to no family left in the country; making holidays like these isolating. Being a 2nd generation immigrant, she didn't have the slightest intentions of moving her whole life to Korea in the first place. But somehow, she was back in the same country her grandparents left to seek a better future for their family. Who would have known that the future of one of their grandkids was back where they began their lives together.

Y/n shook her head, silently answering his question.

In previous years, her mom made an effort to fly in to visit her and celebrate Chuseok and Christmas with her. But with her grandparents growing older, and due to her recent schedule alignment, she didn't see that it was necessary for her mom to visit for such a short amount of time.

"I'll probably just fly out around Christmas time." Her eyes trained on the television.

"Want to spend it with us?"

She raised her head and gave him a look. "Because that went so well last year."

Her mom left a day earlier than planned the previous year, leaving her to spend the last day of Chuseok alone.

Somehow Mingyu caught wind of this and invited her over to have dinner with his family. This of course sent his mom and sister over the moon; thinking and thanking the gods and saints that he finally brought a girl home. Despite Mingyu and her explanations that they were in fact just friends; the teasing and gawking went on until the two left.

"I'll tell Minseo to cool it with the teasing."

"Maybe." That earned a smile from him. "I said maybe! Jungkook and I are flying out to LA for another shoot right after, I might just spend the time getting the pulls ready for it."

He raised his brows. "All three days?"

"I also have to assist with Tae-"

"All HYBE staff have Chuseok off."

"Office is closed but I have keys." There weren't any rules about stopping by the company if it was needed. She was on salary after-all.

"Come on, you know you like my mom's cooking." He sang. "You haven't had a home cooked meal from a mom in a while."

"Maybe."

"Hard head." Mingyu rolled his eyes. He knew there was no winning when it came to convincing her to do something she wasn't too keen on doing.

For someone who worked in a fast paced industry that was constantly changing, she was very much someone who was not too fond of spontaneity. She needed structure, and she was definitely someone who had a 5 year plan written down in a notebook or her notes app.

Her job was the only controlled chaos she allowed.

"Butt head."

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

"You look happy. Did you come from a special someone's place?" His best friend teased as he opened the door.

"None of your business." Mingyu playfully rolled his eyes at his friend; kicking off his sneakers before reaching down to pet the large dog happily waiting for him.

"Oh but when you want to know when we'll be back in Korea, it's all of a sudden my business." Jungkook chuckled, handing him a glass filled with a light brown liquid.

"Exactly." He smiled, taking a sip of the warm liquid. "Eugh, why is it warm? You have all this money but can't afford a working fridge?"

"Fuck off. It was cold earlier but you took too long to get here."

Mingyu received a text from Jungkook inviting him over to drink and hang out.... 3 hours ago. He meant to open the text, he really did - but he became a little too invested in Monica and Chandler's attempts to hide their relationship from their friends and completely forgot about the multiple notifications he received from his friend.

It wasn't until y/n received four consecutive text messages from Jungkook, begging her to share his best friend that he missed very much, that Mingyu realized he had left his friend on delivered. She practically pushed him out the door to get him to leave, claiming "He won't stop bothering me until you show up."

"My bad. Monica and Chandler are sleeping together." He took a seat on the couch, taking another sip - ignoring the temperature of the drink.

"Oh great, more friends that are fucking- Do people not believe in relationships anymore?"

"Hey how does your song go again? I wanna see it in motion, Monday Tue-"

"I got it. I got it." He interrupted his friend's medley of his two new singles. "You know, you and y/n are starting to have the same sense of humor, it's making me sick."

"Don't you like that? It's like I'm with you even if I'm not."

"I hate that she said the same thing to me." Jungkook grumbled. "Please, just date and put me out of my misery."

"Won't dating make it worse?"

"So you've considered it."

Mingyu shook his head at his friend's quick remark.

He wasn't boyfriend material. He was busy, barely even having time for himself; dating was definitely not in his cards right now.

Especially not with someone who he has grown very fond of. Fond; in a purely platonic way, of course.

Mingyu has tried dating before, and they all lead to heartache and headache; his busy schedule always being the root of the problem. He grew tired of fighting the same fight with different people and vowed that the next time he tried dating would be when his professional life had fully slowed down.

But with the current trajectory of his group's career, it seemed as though this was not in the cards anytime soon.

And Mingyu was perfectly okay with that.

Besides, he had y/n.

@thegirlwhoimagined @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @f4iryjjosh @akeminy @yonabutnotyuna @tacosandbitch @vanillacheol @aaniag @bettybotterboughtabitofbutter @xbaekcult @alwaysalmostthere @ashkuuuu @morkswatermelonnnn @isabellah29 @lottogyu @bubbly-moon @lllucere @bo-fairykim @bubbly-moon @pluviophile-xxx @daegutowns @jenoxygen @niktwazny303 @aahvii

(for some reason it's not allowing me to tag some who wanted to be added to the perm tag list ... cries... pls check ur settings so i can for future posts)

#hah.... hah... uh.... angst??? again?? hehehehehehe #laughs in evil #spamwrites #spamgyu urs #mingyu scenarios #mingyu x reader #seventeen fic #mingyu x oc #seventeen imagines #mingyu fic #mingyu angst #mingyu #kim mingyu #mingyu x y/n #mingyu series

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jasmines-library · 7 months

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Catch me If I fall

WHUMPTOBER DAY 12: prompt: self harm

Fandom: Batfam

Summary: after the death of Jason, you can’t help but feel guilty, so you resort to some unhealthy coping methods.

Warnings: SELF HARM, blood, character death, depressive thoughts.

Word count: 1.3k

Note: this one is extremely sensitive and contains many trigger warnings, please read at your own discretion.

Remember, If you are ever struggling, please don’t be ashamed to reach out. My DMs are always open, or you can seek one of many helplines. Please remember, you are not alone and there are people who will help you navigate your thoughts and feelings. You are strong, you are loved, you are perfect.

M ASTERLIST ⛤ WHUMPTOBER WORKS

🕸 ⋆ ⁶𖤐⁶ ࣪⋆🕸

He was gone.

Jason Todd was gone. Dead. Killed in an explosion that would forever be burned into the front of your brain. The sound replayed itself over and over again in your mind; the shattering of the glass and the groaning of the metal frames as they collapsed in on eachother, the deafening booming of the explosive and the scuffing of your feet on the concrete as you stopped dead in your tracks, too far away to help and too late to reach him in time.

At first, the tears refused to fall from your cheeks as you surged forwards racing towards where the warehouse once stood. You arrived at the wreckage at the same time as the Bat. When he pulled Jason’s body from the wreckage, limp with eyes devoid of life, the tears still refused to fall. You just watched blankly as he held his son, trying not to focus on the mangled, blood covered flesh that covered every inch of his skin. Even in death Jason looked pained, his face permanently contorted into an unseeing gaze of pain.

Returning back to the manor and breaking the news to Dick was even harder. You watched as he flung the nearest thing across the room and let it shatter on the floor. You picked the skin around your fingers as he sunk down onto the floor and broke down, tears cascading down his face. Fat and hot like heavy droplets of rain falling from the sky. But still, your own stubbornly refused to fall.

It was only hours later when you had locked yourself away in your room that you let out a shrill cry of anguish, falling to the floor. Heavy sobs wracked your body as you trembled digging your nails into palms and biting down harshly on the inside of your cheeks, You blinked away your tears the fell freely, squeezing them from your eyes as you squeezed them tight, trying to shut out the constant memory of Jason Todd.

It was then that the thoughts came flooding to you. Obnoxious, penetrating thoughts that hit you like a ton of bricks. You should have gotten there quicker. If you had just stuck with Jason or forced him to keep his comms on then. It was your fault that he had gone off on his own. It was your fault that Jason Todd was dead.

Your suit was damp with tears and clung too close to your body. You felt suffocated. As you began to push off your boots, your bowie knife that you usually kept tucked away for emergencies clattered to the ground, You froze. It was the one that you had been given when you began your vigilante training with Bruce all those years ago. You picked it up, flipping the leather-bound hand between your palms and admiring the way that the metal glinted as it caught the light.

Some sane part of your body screamed at you not to do it. That it was wrong, that your family would be disappointed if they found out. But the other overpowering side still echoed with those thoughts. You couldn’t help but sink deeper into the guilt. And so you brought the knife down to your flesh, barely recognising the pain as the red ribbons formed on your skin.

That feeling of guilt never went away. It still sat there like a heavy weight even after Jason returned 6 months later. Although Jay was back, he was changed. Haunted by his own memories, he struggled to re-adjust to his life especially after the memories of his brutal murder flooded back to him. It took him a while to come to terms with his safety. It was only once the two of you had spent many nights clinging on to each other and giving reassurances that he finally allowed himself to relax slightly.

But the boy’s return didn’t just affect him. The sudden shift had troubled all of you, flipping your lives which you had slowly managed to learn to navigate without him upside down.

You began to retreat into your room again, spending more time alone. You slunk around the manor, avoiding the others when possible. It was something that didn’t go unnoticed by Dick who often lingered by your door, but was too afraid to knock or barge his way in. Opting to give you space. The space never helped though. It just became a void of guilt and constant reminders of your sluggishness. Although the image of Jason’s frail body never quite left your mind, his return brought it back stronger. It began to plague your nightmares again, causing you to wake up in a cold sweat. It caused the silence to morph into muffled cries and with that came the return of old habits.

Trailing your finger over the lines of scar tissue, your body felt numb. Silent, you left yourself with the stickiness of hot tears trailing down your face; each one a reminder of your failures. Of the times that you weren’t perfect enough to save everybody. The knife ran sharply across your skin, allowing the blood to bead as it trailed. The stinging allowed a sense of relief for a while. That was until it didn’t. After that, you turned to pressing deeper into your complexion, allowing the blood to dribble from your arm.

Dick lingered in front of your door once again. He hadn’t seen you all day and had begun to grow worried. Deep creases lined his brow as he stood, shut out from you by the painted wood. He knew you hadn’t been in the best of places since his little brother had been ripped so cruelly from the world. Dick hated watching you retreat. He loathed that sad look and far away gaze that settled on your face when he thought no one was looking. His hand was hovering as he prepared to knock when he noticed his younger brother waltz around the corner. Jason slowed furrowing his brows.

“What are you doing?” He quizzed. Though not oblivious to your struggle, he didn’t believe in getting involved in someone else’s business. Especially when he was still trying to short his own shit out.

Dick only said one word which sent the two men into a preganant silence. “Listen.”

Your sobs and outbursts of frustration could be heard from the other side of the door frame. The younger of the two recoiled at the noise. Dicks hand moved towards the door handle after knocking and being blanked.

The door shuddered open and Dick poked his head around the corner. He froze, heart dropping to his feet when he took you in.

Your knees were pulled tightly to your chest, where your head rested grimly. Your wrists were a bloody mess like the knife which lay a few feet away from you. You half-nursed them carefully, as though you knew something about them was off, but you couldn’t get yourself to care enough about it.

“Oh god…”

He took cautious, but long strides steps to get to you before taking your arms in his, not caring abou there stickiness that coated his clothes and spilled down his fingers. There was so much of it he was surprised it still fell from your body.

You tried not to acknowledge him in away, but once your lifted your head and spotted his face, the tears began again. Dick pulled you into a height embrace as the tears began to fall again

“I-I’m sorry.” You stumbled, “I..”

“Shh.” Dick coaxed, pulling you into his arms: “nothing is your fault.”

“But I- Jason. I wasn’t fast enough.”

“Oh little bat…” Jason squatted down by his brother. “There’s nothing you could have done about that.”

“Yes there is. I could have convinced you to-“

“Stop it.”

“I’m sorry.” You murmured. “I’m sorry but they won’t leave. Make them leave please.

“We will baby bat. We will.

🕸 ⋆ ⁶��⁶ ࣪⋆🕸

<- DAY 11 ⛤ DAY 13 ->

🏷️ Taglist:

@senjoritanana

@deans-spinster-witch

@amaryllis23

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essenceofelegance · 3 months

Text

Ratatouille (Azriel x f!reader)

pt. 2

m.list

ʚɞ = angst

Summary: You want to go out to dinner with Az, but Elaine gets in the way.

Warnings: Established relationship, not proof read

“Hey, Az?”

He did not respond.

Azriel was focused on his mission reports. Too busy to give his mate his attention.

His mate turned away, headed toward to door. Not even bothering to be disappointed in Azriel.

⋆ ★

It had been a tradition for the pair to go out for dinner together on Thursday nights for 200 years, even before they were mated. Never once had either of them missed their weekly dinner.

"I found a nice place in Day since you've never had ratatouille before. I figured you would like to try it, though ratatouille would be better homemade. Would you rather eat at the House instead? I could-"

Azriel let out a frustrated sigh and turned his gaze to his mate.

"Gods, Y/N, can you stop rambling? I'm trying to finish my mission reports."

As if realizing the damage he had done, he stalked over to his mate, putting his scarred hands on her shoulder. "Look, I can't make it to dinner this week. I promised Elaine to take her to the city. She wanted to spend time with me, and I already promised her I would take her to dinner. Being outside will be good for her."

She tried to force a smile. "But can't Nesta or Feyre take her? I'm glad Elaine's recovery is going well and that she is finding comfort in you, but I need to spend time with you too. This has been our tradition for centuries."

Azriel ran his hand through his hair. "Elaine needs me. She has gone through immeasurable trauma. This little tradition is in no way more important than her."

She tried to stay calm. "Little tradition? Az, I need you. You've barely been spending time with me, you come home late and leave early, I barely see you anymore. I need you too. I'm your mate, for God's sake!"

He let out a sigh of disbelief. "Maybe the Cauldron made a mistake," the words slipped out of his mouth. "Love, I didn't mean to-" She let out a weak laugh. Azriel tried to calm her by putting his hands on her forearms; she slipped away. "Oh, but you did." Tears welled up in her eyes. "You come back smelling like her every night. Her scent lingers on your leathers and your clothes. I tried to ignore it, I tried reassuring myself that - that you were a faithful male, but I guess I was wrong." She tried to salvage this relationship, she really did.

pt. 2

A/N: this is such a disaster lmfao, haven’t posted in a month or two, if you’re using light mode you won’t be able to see the dividers 💀 i could make a part two if anyone actually reads this. lmk if you want one. also this name is so unfitting for this fic 💀 it sounds so fun but it’s so sad

⋆

Translation of my work of any kind is not allowed and will not be appreciated unless consented to.

Please do not re-upload my work on any platforms without permission.

Any reblogs, comments, likes, shares, and follows are appreciated.

#fanfic #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #acomaf #angst #azriel x reader #azriel spymaster #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel #azriel x you #acotar fanfiction #acotar imagine #taylor swift

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satorubi · 1 year

Text

𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄 - toji fushiguro

· ₊ ⊹ SYNOPSIS — toji knows just how to get back at your ex.

「❀」 pairing : toji fushiguro x black fem! reader

「❀」 content warning : minors do not interact ! dad’s bestfriend toji, age gap ꒰ toji is forty and reader is in her late twenties ꒱ missionary, fingering, use of the word bitch - during sex - just once, use of pet names such as ꒰ sweetheart, pretty, slut ꒱

「❀」 word count : 3.6K whoop whoop !!

「❀」 author’s note : hiii !!! here’s me re-uploading this edited version of tastiest revenge - apart of my friendship is magic series - bc tumblr took it down the first time :/ i wanted to put out the gojo fic first but due to school starting, i realized how busy i’ve become :0 please enjoy & interactions n reblogs are always loved <33

you were taken aback when toji answered your call. not only was the time 10:56 PM, but it was also the middle of the week. you ought to been fast asleep in your apartment by now, getting a good night's rest for whatever the world had in store for you tomorrow. but, alas, you were slouching on toji fushiguro's porch, your clothes drenched from the light rain and your makeup smeared from all the tears you'd let fall down your pretty face.

toji stands up from his recliner and looks around before hurriedly opening the door. his heart nearly bursts from your change in vigor. the hesitant, kindhearted disposition you always possessed seems to have been lost just about now; you have a slight pout on your face and stare up at him with imploring eyes.

he swiftly draws you into the warmth of his chest and shut the door behind him without you having to speak another word. his contact causes your body to tremble, and the rumble from his chest doesn't do you credit. all you could hear was him repeatedly mumbling phrases like ‘speak to me’ and ‘i’m right here.’

he allows you a brief minute to collect your thoughts as your nose started to run due to all the sniffling you'd been doing. as he goes into the kitchen, you take a seat on one of the three cushions, letting your head rest against the seat. toji could be seen pouring tea into a lovely glass mug out of the corner of your tearful eyes.

“you wanna’ tell me what brings you here?” he asks, settling into the couch and leaving you both with just enough space. you were completely silent. that bubbly, talkative spirit you usually had was much more comforting compared to the silence he was experiencing right now. you looked completely drained— almost as if someone had completely stripped you from your joy.

“im sorry, toji. i didn’t mean to impose l-like this,” you utter and he chuckles. he gathers the remote in his hand and turns the tv down, figuring you were ready to vent.

“it’s not a bother at all, yn. y’know that.”

you weakly smile, taking a sip of the warm liquid given to you. a deep sigh leaves your lips, “he cheated. like.. a lot.”

before you finished speaking, you could see toji clench his jaw. your former boyfriend, or ‘a fucking bastard,’ as toji used to describe him, was a dumbass. toji wasn't surprised when you discussed this matter, given that the kid was well known for his horrible reputation with the ladies at your uni. since the minute he shook his hand at your birthday all those months ago, he was able to tell that the youngster was a jackass.

the son of a bitch was disrespectful when toji first met him. he spoke of you as if you were merely an item on his arm or a tool at his disposal. he was a real asshole and a heartbreaker; he wasn't your typical old bum of a man, and toji could read him from a mile away.

the kid wore a smug look on his face, only a look of someone without pure intentions would have. he was playing you the entire time and it was easy to see from the eyes of someone who was once a player his damn self.

you see, toji was irritated by the notion that someone could be so foolish as to lose a woman like you. someone who was so understanding, determined to get what she wanted, clever, and humorous in response to everything said to her.

blind. he had to be blind is all.

“a video was posted of him today. he was kissing another girl at some party,” yet another stray tear fell from the brim of your eye and there toji was to wipe it away, “i’m such an idiot.”

no you aren’t.

“nah, he’s a dumbass, and i’ll be damned if i have to sit here and watch you cry over something that isn’t your fault.”

you take a tiny pause in an effort to contain the tears that were on the verge of escaping. of course, none of this was your fault, but for some reason, you felt that you had to bear some responsibility. you made a foolish decision by disobeying all the guidance you had been given, and as a result, you are again stuck with the consequences. given that your father and toji had warned you about the man from the start, you were surprised that he had the strength to even talk to you about it.

“i just- i just should’ve listened to you, that’s all.”

toji sighs, grabbing ahold of your hands and squeezing them gently, “it’s a bad time to say i told you so, so i’m just gonna’ say i’m glad that you’ve come to your senses. he was a dickhead.”

toji noticed you smiling for the first time tonight, so his clumsy joke must have succeeded. genuinely. after your brief burst of laughter, you kept your gaze fixed on toji’s flatscreen without saying a word. the house's four walls reverberated with the faint sound of a local broadcaster's voice as the two of you sat in quiet comfort.

he hopes he won't have to be the one to break the news by asking, “does your father know?” he despised doing things behind his back, but if you wanted him to, he could keep a secret. you admired that you could talk to toji about nearly anything, which was one of his best qualities. he wasn't patronizing or disciplining like your dad.

yes, you adored your old man dearly, but there are instances when hearing someone else's point of view than that of a parent can be quite beneficial. toji. would undoubtedly advise you of right and wrong, but he would never make you feel bad about yourself.

we’re human beings and we all make our fair share of mistakes.

by this time, you were no longer sobbing and you were getting a little bit closer to the man. his side profile is followed by your suckling eyes as you savor his sensitive features. even though you've known toji since you were in your early twenties, you've always thought he was gorgeous, but time has been kind to him. as excellent wine ages, so was he. hell, he probably tasted as delicious as he appeared—

toji starts, somewhat unexpectedly, “y'know, for what it's worth, i think you're an amazing woman." he fumbles with the silver chain dangling from his chest before saying, “you’re pretty, you're smart, and you make a mean pho.”

pretty. he called you pretty.

toji’s solemn face prompts you to hastily cover your smile as he adds, “you didn't deserve to be treated that way- and i hope you know that.” you could feel a hand gently caressing your arm. his calluses brushed against your skin as he held it in a warm, rough manner. the gesture almost made you want to pant like a bitch in the heat, even if you had no idea why or how.

he murmurs, “i don't ever wanna' see you cry like that again,” as his dark irises finally contact yours and you two exchange a soft look. unknown to you at the time, something was causing you to approach a little bit more closely than you had intended. you long for a kiss as your gaze moves from his lips to his eyes and back again.

as you prepare to make what would likely be one of your biggest mistakes yet, you close your eyes. you decrease the distance between you two to just a few inches by placing your lips on his. toji ought to have pushed you away at the first moment, but he was driven to submit. the way your mouth felt against his was just so effortlessly natural.

perhaps the novelty of being alone or the warmth of his body against yours is responsible for you feeling this way right now, but all you want is to continue feeling him like this forever.

toji grabs the nape of your neck while you moan into the kiss, luring you in. you take the initiative to straddle his lap as you start to feel a pool between your thighs, your covered pussy pressing on his crotch as you exchanged saliva.

to your surprise, toji pulls away when you ask for more by licking his bottom lip. even before returning to reality, you managed to feel the remorse beginning to rise in your stomach.

“m’ sorry. i don’t- i don’t know what i was thinking,” you mumble, quickly climbing off of his lap and back into your previous position. “i’m sorry. fuck- i’m sorry. i shouldn’t- we shouldn’t-“ you go on, but all that came out of your apology was a weak, anxious whine. toji simply sits there, likely attempting to process what just happened.

you were scared, but you were also humiliated. toji was not only your father's closest friend, but also his business partner. this could endanger his friendships, family, and profession.

you can't bring yourself to say anything else. you start to gather your things and get ready to go to the door, but just as you stand up, a hand delicately grabs hold of your wrist.

“you want me?”

yes.

“toji- i didn’t mean to-“

“yes or no?”

as you swallow, your chest rises and falls from the kiss's delirium. toji manspreads while keeping his hands on his lap and waiting for your response, tapping his foot on floor. he did have an issue with staring. his eyes gave off the impression that they would cut straight through you.

you say, "y-yes," but it sounds more like a moan. when toji hears this, he gets up from his chair and approaches you slowly. his hands were in the pockets of his gray sweats, and he had a smirk on his face. he continues moving until he is directly in front of you, his shirt showing his hardened nipples.

“say it with your chest, yn. did you not just kiss me? or was i imagining things?”

his taunting tone of voice not only annoyed you, but it turned you on too. he tilts his head to the side and looks you up and down, eyes following your curves, “toji, i want you.”

that was all he needed until it was his turn to attack your mouth with pecks. pecks turned into drawn out kisses and those eventually escalated to biting and sucking on one another’s lips. your noses chafed together as toji groans into your mouth. while your tongues danced to the rhythm of desire, toji’s hand came between your pants and the waistband of your pink panties. he shoves his palm inside the lousy fabric to cup your cunt in his hand.

he flicks his middle finger at your folds as you whimper, "want more, please." he can feel your lust on the tip of his knuckle. “i need you,” your nails skim the happy trail under his shirt, causing toji to grunt. the poor guy had no idea how much power you had over him.

“are you gonna’ regret it?” you ask, and yes, it was blunt of you, but you wondered if he was truly aware of the consequences of this action. you had to think of it from his perspective too.

toji was currently obtaining a happy life. he lived a peaceful existence with just him and his son and had a profession that was more than well compensated, but you? you were a grown woman—twenty eight, to be precise—and although you may have acted impulsively, it may have been just what you wanted. but want eventually turns to greed, and you’d hate to do damage to his conscious over your behavior.

“why would i regret you?”

you wanted to spend the evening lusting over his wonderful words— hearing him tell you the sweetest things, but no matter how sincere and charming his question was, your thoughts were elsewhere.

toji and you each had the ability to choose your own paths. everything you've done up to this point has been deemed inappropriate, and even if he were to stuff you full of his cock, it wouldn't matter. this was already out of line as is.

you make the decision to take matters into your own hands and carry on the passionate makeout session by encircling his neck with your arms. you can feel toji's hands pinching your ass cheeks as he begins to cup them to enfold you in his arms. he sits down on the sofa with you still in his grasp, allowing you to straddle his lap as before.

the hard cock sitting pretty in his sweats did nothing but rub up against you. as much as you wanted to take it slow, you couldn’t suppress the urge to let him have his way with you.

“‘ima fuck you so good, princess. so much better than he ever has,” he utters. you lift your hips up to give him room to finally take his aching cock out of his sweats. while doing so, he doesn’t dare take his eyes off of you.

"look at what you do to me, love," to put it mildly, you were in wonder as he grabbed hold of your chin and lowered your head between you both. first the middle, then the base was displayed. the thin pubic hairs that were still attached to his skin were somewhat cut, lying flat against his shaft as the tip of him flashed a brilliant pink.

as his cock stood up, toji flexed his lower abdomen to move it a little. each time he did this, his cock tapped against your belly, creating a pat.

“big huh? it’ll fit, don’t worry,” he ends his sentence with a wink and grasps on to your ass cheeks again, this time, parting them slowly. as you lift up, his cock aligns with your hole, leaking and eager for some attention.

“please be careful. it’s been a while,” you mumble. you turn to look away but he only comforts you, “i will. i promise.”

as toji entered you, your pussy revealed how horny you truly were. your sopping cunt slobbered around him inch by inch, little by little. your juices had covered his cock and made it easier for your walls to expand, adjusting to his size.

the burn causes your mouth to hiss. feeling him wriggle his way in like this made you feel like a virgin all over again. he had the kind of dick you had to mentally prepare yourself for; the kind that, after only two or more minutes, would have you crying and trembling in his hands.

“focus, yn. just focus on us, for right now.” he didn’t have to tell you twice. how could you not focus on just this? toji had your head spinning and your insides bubbling like never before. it’d be hard to think of anything or anyone else other than him, “you’re so deep- shit!” mushing your ass in his hands, he lifts you up and down his cock, making you feel each and every bit of him. toji bites back a moan when you start to become more comfortable— hips moving with his and your ass melting in his palms.

arms incoherently wrap around toji’s neck as he digs deep, moaning into your ear, “you don’t understand how good you feel. can i go faster? wanna’ make you cum all over my lap like the good girl i know you are.” you practically scream yes and immediately after, you hear a clapping sound.

your ass slamming against toji’s thighs was the cause of the ruckus, you realize as you turn to face the source of the noise. as you watch toji’s cock slip in and out of your pussy, he raises his head to stare at the side of your face, getting excited at how hard you clenched down in him as you watched him fuck you vigorously.

“look at how good you’re doing. takin’ that dick like it’s yours. you look so pretty like this.”

his encouraging words appeared to have given you self-assurance. using both of your forces to fill yourself, you start to slam down on him. you felt as though you were handling a lot at once, but you hardly cared enough to flee. god, did it feel wonderful to be taking dick like a pro.

“ooo- it's stretching me, toji! feels so fuckin’ good. i love it so much.” one thing toji picked up from this was how much of a screamer you were. every thrust ended with another high-pitched moan grumbling from your chest.

“you’re a loud lil’ thing, aren’t you? hope the neighbors don’t mind too much, but they’ll understand, right? i’m fuckin’ you so well they’ll have no choice but to understand.”

it was so easy for him to utter such derogatory phrases knowing the conditions his life would be in after— but he felt like he was compelled to. he loved the sensation of listening to your pussy becoming wetter with each passing stroke. incredibly responsive— his favorite.

his thoughts began to flow as a result of your hands grabbing at his shoulders. you were so desperate that you were delighted to accept whatever he was putting down, “i can’t believe mr. ln’s daughter is such a dirty little bitch. how do you think he’d feel knowin’ i’m ruining you like this, hm?”

that was when you came. something about the secrecy just made you all the more ablazed. although this might’ve been just a temporary feeling, you clamored for more— hollering his name and the curses that trailed behind it.

“m’ cumming! m’ cumming- fuck me, toji!”

he laughs, “how good is it, slut? tell me, how’s it feel?”

you could barely produce a single sound. you could only hold your mouth ajar and let out broken whines. your body was drowning in a sheen coat of sweat and your pussy was a bit sore, but you wanted to cum again.

“it feels a-amazingh,” you babble, unable to even utter the pronunciation of your words as he continues to poke at your g-spot. he was fucking you through it, talking you through it, and pulling you right into his grasp to swallow your whines with his mouth.

after he wrung out the last of your juices, he quickly lifts you up and places you on your back. he could now see just how pretty your pussy truly was. two plumped folds sitting on either side of a puffy clit that was in need of some sucking and a cute hole that ached for good dick.

a dream. a dream indeed.

toji wasted no time slipping it in, feeling your walls comfort his cock like a warm hug. every stroke was tender, but he was so slutty. the chain dangling from his neck beamed in your face and out of instinct, you tug on it a little to pull him down. taking a second to indulge in his features. he was so fucking sexy, especially like this— jet black hair sticking to his forehead, muscle tee drenched in sweat, and his small, hidden whines slipping in every now and then. you couldn’t believe you hadn’t done this sooner.

“i-i love this. love your dick so much- makes m-me feel so happy, toji.” now it was your turn to make your words dig deep, bringing him to the checkpoint with just a few praises.

“don’t say shit like that- fuck.”

you bring your hands to his face to cup his cheeks. you gently press your forehead against his and continue whispering sweet nothings against his lips.

“i can’t believe you’re fucking me like this— like you’ve wanted me for so long. you must love this pussy, huh? love when i take you like this?”

you take note of his sudden shudder, his strokes slowly becoming harder as his breath hitches near your ear, “yn, you better fuckin’ stop.”

“i can’t help it, toji. you just fuck me so much better,” you gasp and reached your arms around his neck, burying your head in his neck. you clench around him, and toji nearly loses it. the knot was finally beginning to unravel, his stomach was fluttering, and he was a bit tired, but he was so close— and you were too, again.

“where do you want me, sweet girl? i’m gonna’ to cum,” he asks, and you answer with a stream of yeses and ‘inside inside’. on command, you feel the wave of toji’s cum filling you full. your pussy wet him up with yet another orgasm and you practically collapse.

toji continues to fuck you through your climax, as well as his own. he was being nothing but dirty, yet a hint of weet. whispering things like ‘good girl’ and ‘i’m so proud of you’ over and over. your head was empty and so was your energy scale. you wanted nothing more than a nice soak in a warm bath to attend to your sore figure.

toji pulls out of you, leaving a airy noise being him when he does. his dick was coated in white, and he was still hard as you were wet, but you were both far too exhausted to give it another go.

he sees some of his cum dripping from your pussy and scoops it onto his index finger. lifting that same hand to your mouth, your lips immediately part to taste the mess the two of you made, “revenge tastes sweet doesn’t it?” he asks as you suck on his fingers until completely clean, letting out a moan while doing so.

as he stands to his full height, he stares down at your limp limbs and shakes his head in disbelief, “i didn’t kill ya’ did i?” he breathlessly laughs. you weakly smile and flip him off as he heads down the hall.

eventually toji returns, watching quietly as your lashes kiss your cheeks with exhaustion. still under a trance, he takes a towel he’d gotten from the bathroom to smooth your back and thighs, making sure to get between them as well. as he finishes, you could feel a delicate kiss being planted behind your ear.

his act as a caretaker drove you into a deep sleep, and he was left to reflect on what took place night. he might be jobless, and friendless in morning, but for right now, he’d rather fall asleep to the sound of your breaths as you lay your head on his chest— dreaming of the life you deserve.

©️ SATORUBI 2023 please do not copy, repost as your own, or translate any of my work without my knowledge <33

#⇉☆*̣̥⁄⁄ 𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐬 #toji x female reader #toji x black reader #anime x black!reader #anime x reader #jjk x reader #jjk x fem!reader #jjk smut #toji smut #toji fushiguro

2K notes · View notes

orikiys · 4 months

Text

✿ ✿ falling out of love with skz ( first pov version )

✰ pairings: ot8!skz x fem!reader

✰ genre: angst, romance, heartbreak

✰ warnings: heartbreak, guilt, falling out of love, sad, unedited ( i wrote this before i go to sleep ), based on real life events.

✰ word count: 1.8k + words

౨₊ৎ chan

falling out of love, but why is it? is it because i don’t read your texts no longer? or is it because that the mere sight of you no longer has been jumping on my feet? like that heart that used to skip a beat, tell me baby, did we not love each other? you were the muse to each of my poetries, you were the lover but i’m still disheartened by the fact that i couldn’t be. i made it out. i removed you from my life, to those little gifts you gave from your clothes that i had— all of them. and maybe, just maybe a part of me did get removed as well. snatched away and lost in the process. but i don’t need your help in getting it back. because i know that if i do, history would repeat itself. i would fall for you over and over. but… you wouldn’t. it’s been a hard month to try not to look at your socials, to see if you’re just as miserable as me or not. it’s been hard to try not to unblock you and keep re-reading our texts all day long. it’s been hard to not think of you. because my love i hate the fact that i still want you after all that happened, but you don’t. but i can’t love you like this, not anymore. i keep picking myself apart and framing together the left fragments of us. but there’s no us anymore, is there? i don’t want to pretend any longer. i missed you. i loved you. but i keep forgetting the fact that maybe i no longer do. or maybe i’m just getting better at pretending? all i do know is, i don’t think i know how to love you anymore.

౨₊ৎ minho

i may have forgotten the reason, but i loved you once. i truly did with all of my heart. falling in love was hard. it felt restricted, constrained and suffocating. but falling out of love? that was even harder. with each sun rise, i feel myself drifting apart from you. it’s like i don’t even know you anymore! i wish i could go back to the time where i asked you about your favourite colours or maybe your favourite movies or your favourite songs, but i can’t. we are no longer lovers. nor are we friends. we are strangers with memories. strangers who once crossed paths. we walk past each other and it’s like i don’t even know you, like i’ve never met you. i’ve seen our pictures on my phone and i question what went wrong? but maybe we were just habits and we thought we’d always have it? guess not. it’s the way i know you’re no longer around, but everything reminds me of you. is it the scent of your lingering perfume on the pillow covers? or maybe it’s your half-empty coffee mix? if promises were meant to be broken, i accomplished them. i am sorry for all the late nights that i whispered to you telling you that i’ll always love you. i’m sorry for all the times i couldn’t be there when you wanted me to. i’m sorry for all the times that i failed to understand you when you were just trying to protect me. i’m sorry for learning how to unlove you. i’m sorry min. i truly am.

౨₊ৎ changbin

remember when you said that we have forever? then why does it feel like our time’s already over? it started not so long ago, then why? was it written in fate already? or did we make it happen? i remember the time we held hands and shared umbrellas. i remember the time where we’d talk for hours. i remember the time when you first kissed me, then why am i still waiting for a proper goodbye? i wish you would break me at once, so i wouldn’t have to feel guilty for loving you a little lesser everyday. i wish you weren’t so perfect that i didn’t have to find excuses to avoid you. i wish you would snap my heart in half, crumble to pieces and throw away the broken fragments, so i don’t have to feel like i’m in the wrong. for once, just let me escape the reality. for once, please don’t love me. for once, please forget me. for once, let me go. for once and for all, forgive me for not trying to love you harder. i don’t know where it all went wrong. i wish i could turn back the time and erase myself from your memories, so you won’t even think of me or the pain that i caused you. i may be the villain of your story, but i too was once the protagonist.

౨₊ৎ hyunjin

i wonder if you ever noticed when i stopped telling you my secrets. i wonder if you ever noticed that i stopped bringing home your favourite packet of chips. i wonder if you noticed that i began tensing up whenever you hugged me. i wonder if you ever even noticed the way my soul began detangling from you. and when you tucked my hair behind my ear, it didn’t leave a trail of fire like it did before. my body— it stopped reacting to you the way it did before. and i wonder, why you never said anything. because you noticed it. you noticed every single thing yet you stayed quiet right by my side. it’s the way i began hating you for making me feel guilty. but it always did feel better to blame others, didn’t it? would you mind if i sat next to you but didn’t smile? would you mind if i ask you what you liked once again? because i didn’t want it to end. you were the most beautiful dream that i ever experienced, yet now i can’t even recognise the beat of your heart. i realized that i fell out of love when i could no longer guess what you wanted. or maybe that time when i couldn’t bring myself to even kiss you. baby, where did it go? help me. help me get it back. falling out of love with you is a nightmare and i wish i could wake up.

౨₊ৎ han

i had all that i wanted, and then none. from the perfect life, to a fallen apart one. nothing stays for too long. and i wish i let go of everything a bit sooner. so it would hurt me less whenever i see you. it would hurt me less whenever i hear someone mention you. your letters, they still rest in my drawers. your rings, they still fit on me. except they feel too cold. i no longer wear them for an entire day without feeling the urge to throw it. but i don’t want that to happen, so instead i keep it locked away in a box. but the key, it’s with you. so i can’t bring myself to open it. many people told me that i have changed. but i truly wonder, have i? or is it just the fact they can’t fathom that i no longer love you like i did before? it may be my fault for it all, i’m the one to blame. but i tried my best to stop myself, to stop these unwanted feelings and in the end i broke your heart. i still remember that look on your face when you held me tight for one last time. goodbyes weren’t the best, but i wish it was. so i didn’t have to live everyday thinking that i killed your spark from the inside.

౨₊ৎ felix

i wish i could go back to the time where i didn’t have to think thrice before waking you when you couldn’t sleep. i hoped that i could’ve told it all to you sooner, but how could i have predicted that unfortunate ending? loving you was beautiful, delicate and everlasting. until it wasn’t. falling out of love was harsh but slow. the flowers have begun withering, i noticed. do you not water them? or is it because they remind you of me? i know what you’re trying to do. i’ve tried it as well. but it didn’t work. i tried erasing you and everything related to you. but at the end of the day it’s the way my phone’s lock screen still has your face. your number, it’s untouched. and perhaps if someone were to ask me about my favourite movie, without hesitation i would reply with the texts we sent, the little date vlogs we made. call it guilt or call it lost love. the time spent with you gave me happiness, and i called that love.

౨₊ৎ seungmin

i knew you were hurting. so maybe i should’ve applied bandages to your aching heart. i knew you were hurting when i began replacing our memories. was there something that i could’ve done to make your heart heal faster? but i knew it couldn’t replace the pain i’ve caused you. i used to tell the moon about you, now the stars await to hear my stories. i used to have that stupid grin on my face whenever you called me, now we stopped meeting. and it kills me to know how you’ve been living all this long after knowing that the one who you loved broke your heart. it hurts me too when you agree to everything and anything i say. is that how much you love me? that you’re even willing to be vulnerable in front of me? if given another chance i would fall in love with you over and again till i can’t escape it. i want to trapped, engulfed in your love just like you are in mine.

౨₊ৎ jeongin

my heart breaks at all the possibilities we could have been. it breaks even more every time i remember you wanting to start a family with me in future. i ended it all at once, didn’t i? i wonder how i could be lifeless that now a single tear falls while you cry for me. i wonder how i could be so lifeless that i forgot you’re my other half. i want to experience that spark of sleeping and waking to your texts once more. i want to experience being called ‘my princess’ for the rest of life. but it’s the way that we don’t even talk. we blocked each other from our lives, it was for the good. then why am i having sleepless nights filled with remorse? is this the part of moving on? or is it the part of moving back? because my ship seems to be sailing in the wrong direction. so my love, don’t pray for me anymore. the moon won’t listen.

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smooth-perceval · 7 months

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The significance of 16.

Charles Leclerc x Fem!reader

Summary: Charles was never on time, and now he only worried if he was too late for her.

Warning: Swearing, Love confessions, angst, fluff, run away bride!! Google translate, my bad writing.

Key: Y/N (your name) Michael (Fiancé name)

Word count: 2,069

A/N: somewhat a quick cute idea- hope you enjoy! I actually found this rather quick and cute- she may have jumped back to him quickly but so would I if I had Charles Leclerc.

Today was the day- I was finally getting married… finally saying I do-

Looking at myself in the mirror, I swayed side to side the dress flowing with me… it seems surreal- it doesn’t seem right-

“Y/N? Est-ce que je peux entrer?” (Am I okay to come in?)

Broken out of my trance I looked at the door- “oh oui -” (yes) moving away from the mirror, I watched as Pascale entered.

“oh chérie, regarde-toi...” (oh darling, look at you…) Smiling wide at me, she held her hands out bringing me into a warm embrace.

“tu es magnifique!” (You look beautiful)

Kissing both my cheeks, she held onto either sides of my arms. “Merci…” (thank you)

Furrowing her eyebrows she leaned in closer. “quel est le problème?” (What’s the matter?)

Shaking my head I smiled waving her off, going over to the window. “rien je vais bien.” (Nothing I’m fine.)

“quand une fille dit : je vais bien, les larmes aux yeux... elle ne va pas bien.” (When a girl says I’m fine with tears in her eyes… she is not fine.) Sitting down on the 2-seater lounger, she patted the seat next to her, smiling so warmly. “parle moi” (talk to me)

Looking out the window I took sixteen deep breaths, before taking a seat down next to her, straight away she gripped ahold of my hand comfortingly. When I finally found the courage, I looked up into her eyes, mascara slowly running down my cheeks.

“Charles est-il là?” (Is Charles here?) nodding her head slowly, her smile now faultering, I only mimicked her. The shoot of pain going through my wounded heart “j'aimerais que ton fils arrête de me briser le cœur” (I wish your son would stop breaking my heart) laughing a little, I looked down at our hands.

“je ne pouvais pas l'attendre éternellement Pascale.” (I couldn’t wait forever for him Pascale.) sighing I accepted my defeat.

I like Michael he treats me right… His there when I need… sometimes- he respects me- he never left me hanging… again sometimes.

“tu l'aime?” (Do you love him?) as if she was reading my mind, I was shocked she asked such forward questions, it cause me to stand up abruptly. “De quelle question s'agit-il ? Je l'épouse-” (What question is that? I’m marrying him-)

“je ne parlais pas de Michael chéri...” (I wasn’t talking about Michael dear…)

“Oh…” falling silent I looked down at the floor, what words was there to give? I pined over Charles for years… since we were kids I’d say, and always got turned away for being too young for him… too young my ass. His 1 year and 8 months older…

“qu'est-ce que j'ai utilisé pour te dire, hein ?” (What did I use to tell you huh?) Smiling up at me she stood up slowly.

“il y a une signification dans le nombre seize” (there's a significance in the number sixteen) smiling sadly at her I moved back over to the mirror, now wiping my mascara off my cheeks once again- this is all I done all morning… repeatedly wipe away tears.

“il est presque temps-” (it’s nearly time) re-applying some concealer and mascara, I fanned my face to calm down my red eyes and puffy lips. Moving up behind me I felt Pascale rest her head against my arm looking at me also in the mirror.

“Je t'aimerai toujours chérie, quel que soit le résultat que tu choisis” (I’ll always love you dear, whatever outcome you choose.) and just like that she left the room, my dad now making an entrance.

“You ready darling?” Looking over at him I nodded my head.

“Dad…” smiling he moved in the room, concern in his eyes. “What’s wrong-?”

“How did you know mum was the one?”

Smiling wide he leant against the now closed door. “I looked at her, and I knew… and when she was walking down that aisle. I couldn’t see myself with anyone else.” He reached his hand out touching my cheek. “You’ll understand, now let’s get you to that aisle” taking my hand, I quickly reached over grabbing my bouquet, taking the slow walk with dad to the ceremony.

There we stood outside the closed doors, and behind there was the guy in about to stay with for the rest of my life… or so I hope. Dad quickly turned it me pulling the veil over to cover my face. Smiling at me once again.

It was real when the pianos were heard, the doors slowly opened, standing there I watched as everyone turned, scanning each person I can see in view- my stomach knotted… once again I was taking sixteen deep breaths, before my feet moved.

My hand gripped my dad’s arm tight- I felt like I was about to walk fire, or drown in a pool of judgment.

The only judgment was me on myself.

We made it half way down the aisle… then I saw him, not Michael- My Charles. His eyes were red, brimmed with tears- and even in a moment like this he still offered a tight lipped smile, his hands were clasped in front of himself- and I only silently prayed he grabbed me and pulled me away.

But he didn’t…

My hand was placed in Michael’s, as a sign that my dad was ‘giving me away’ once done Michael leaned forward moving the veil behind.

“You look lovely-” and I couldn’t help the half smile I returned him…

And now looking at him- it didn’t make sense, I don’t feel the butterflies like I do with Charles… I don’t feel giddy around him- my smile doesn’t reach my eyes, he doesn’t make me want to pull my hair out, he doesn’t scream to me the type of guy that truthfully would go to the ends of the earth and make sure I felt loved- I was more of a convenience… and even if Charles didn’t realise it- he done all that, he made me feel love without realising, wether it was ensuring I didn’t injure myself on sharp corners, or looking after me when I am sick- and beating the boys up when we was younger whenever they would make a horrible comment… But what Charles was so stupid of doing was never realising I was so in love with him while he was loving everyone else and that pained me.

I shot my shot with him fifteen times, and each time it was brushed off with a “you’re only young you’ll grow out of it.” And now? Well his standing there at my ceremony with them begging eyes- maybe I was delusional, but I could see it. I could see him asking me not to go through with it.

“Y/N?” Quickly snapping my head to the officiant with a hum and wide eyes.

“I said do you take Michael Stone to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

I didn’t mean to- but I looked back at Michael and then as always I found myself back looking at Charles.

“I do…” the defeat that I felt in my heart showed in Charles eyes, his head hung low- my eyes fell back onto Michael, welling up with tears.

“Not…” sucking in a deep breath- gasps rang out, I rose my hand to his cheek. Shock plastered on his face- “Im sorry… I love you Michael… but I’m not in love with you” the tears fell, as I watched his face turn more confused. “You don’t love me… we both know it… and I don’t want to spend my life wondering what would have happened if I didn’t do this… but I can’t marry you.” Looking down at the floor, I then looked back up at him smiling sadly. “I can’t marry you when I’m completely and incandescently in love with someone else…”

Nodding his head slowly… Michael reached his hands up resting on my arms, brushing up and down in a soothing manner. “I understand… but promise me he can love you- with love I couldn’t give…”

“I hope so-” reaching up onto my tiptoes I kissed his cheek, before grabbing my dress and speed walking back down the aisle.

Listening to the rustling behind me- someone urgently asking people to move out their way- but yet it didn’t stop me.

Whether me and Charles was meant to be or not- I knew I wasn’t meant to marry Michael… we both knew. Pushing the doors to the church open, I fled down the steps- like Cinderella leaving the ball.

“Y/N- wait!” Turning around I see him running behind practically missing steps as he ran down.

“What Charles-” tilting my head up at him I felt a sense of pride- I just walked out of my wedding- I was invincible.

“Don’t leave me now.” Breathing in heavily, his chest rising and falling catching its breath back.

“Fifteen times I’ve tried with you Charles.” Stepping away from him I titled my head back towards the floor.

“The significance of sixteen.” And before I knew it- the thing I’ve dreamed about all my life- the thing I yearned for finally happened.

His lips were crushed onto mine, one hand behind my head the other wrapped securely around my body. It didn’t take long for me to respond- kissing him back with so much adrenaline and passion. My hands made their way to his chest, as I gently pushed him back…

“Charles…” whispering his name against his lips, I pulled away slowly, looking up at him through my lashes. “What do you want from me…”

“I’m so in love with you.” Blurting out whatever made it to his lips first, my eyes widened a little- both smiling shyly at each other. A light chuckle escaping him.

“I mean- I can’t let you run out my life… not when I am in love with you…”

“I waited sixteen years to hear those words from you-” touching his cheek, I moved away from him looking around.

“I don’t know if I really need to have my hopes crushed by you once again Charles.” Picking back up my dress I glanced back at him.

“Do you know what love is Charles?”

Nodding his head, stuffing his hand in the pockets of his suit pants, trying to make himself smaller. “I felt it every day for 16years- and I nearly lost it today… please tell me there’s a part of you that still loves me” The hope in his eyes was what burned in chest.

Weighing my choices, I finally got what I wanted- I got Charles… was it worth the sixteen year wait, the fifteen failed attempts- sixteen including this one depending how it ends…

And for the 100th time today, I took sixteen deep breaths. “How about some lunch Charlie?”

“Why did I wait this long for you?” Letting out a puff of air he moved in again- kissing me somewhat rougher than before. “God I love you so.”

“You’ll have to wait to hear it from me again.” With one quick kiss and a smile at him, he smiled back so warmly- taking my hand in his pulling me down the street to his car.

Opening the door for me we both looked at my dress and at the car. “This isn’t going to work…”

“Rip the dress-” laughing a little I started tugging at the bottom of the dress the fabric ripping so effortlessly. “I was hoping the ripping clothes off would wait until later-” with a cheeky smile he crouched down infront of me ripping the dress in places I wasn’t reaching.

“I’ll pretend to not hear that.” Blushy faced, I pulled at fabrics to make the dress not so puffy.

“Good thing you don’t need ears to be shown something.” His hand grazed my calf as he stood back up.

“Now- let me take you away Mrs.Leclerc.” Furrowing my brows at him tilting my head slightly. “I don’t plan on another attempt down the aisle any time soon-”

“Your fate was sealed with me 16 years ago.” Kissing my lips gently, I smiled more to myself sliding into his car.

“God the significance of sixteen.”

“The best number chèrie” (darling)shutting the door behind me, it was then I see Pascale and my parents at the top steps of the church smiling down on us, he was right fortunately our fate was sealed.

God I hate loving you Charles Leclerc.

Masterlist

#f1 imagine #formula one imagine #imagine #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader

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junkiespromise · 1 year

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the eras - masterlist

Twenty two stories inspired by the lyrics from all Taylor Swift albums.

drivers: mv1, dr3, ln4, sv5, pg10, fa14, cl16, aa23, eo31, lh44, ms47, cs55, gr63, op81.

note/warnings: english is not my native language, so there will probably be some spellings mistakes, even though i will try to have as least as possible. Also, you can request from any of drivers above with whatever songs you want that has not been asigned to a driver, if the song is followed by three dots then you can leave a request for that song. Please read the specific warnings for each story as there will probably be some angst and some topics you may not be comfortable reading :)

PS: I will also be posting other stories and social media Au's and if you want to request for any other song for taylor or any type of Au/imagine freely do so. :)

If you want to get tagged on the next stories just leave a comment and I will do it

Teardrops on my Guitar | pg10

They had been friends for years, her always yearning for him to look at her like she did just once but he never did and she wishes that the girl he loves can adore him like she does.

Tim Mcgraw | ...

"And i was right there beside him all summer long. And then the time i woke up to find that summer gone"

Superstar | ms47 (2.4k words)

Where two young kids fall in love but the world one of them is involved in seems to be against their happiness.

The Way I Loved You | ... & ...

"And he says, you look beautiful tonight, and I feel perfectly fine. But i miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain"

Enchanted | cs55

At one of those fancy parties they met, those where she had to be introduced to everybody with a shaking hand or a nod. But she left with a tingling sensation and the need to know more about him.

Back to December | dr3 (soon to be made a series)

She knew that if she could go back in time she would re do everything a do it right this time. But she can't and now she only has those memories left.

Begin Again | pg10 (2.0k words)

All the love she ever knew was one that hurted and burned but at a Parisian coffe shop on a wednesday she realized that maybe that was not all that love had to offer.

Stay, Stay, Stay | mv1 (requested)

"Before you, I'd only dated self-indulgent takers, who took all of their problems out on me, but ypu carry my groceries and now I'm always laughing"

You Are in Love | ln4

Best friends, that's what they called each other, even with the dances and pictures in offices they still called each other that. But a drunk call on a late night might change everything.

Wildest Dreams | sv5 (requested)

"You'll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night, burning it down. Someday when you leave me, I bet these memories. Follow you around"

How You Get The Girl | ln4 (requested)

After months of back and forths and unofficial relationships he finds himself infront of her house completely soaked but with the intention to work things out

Style | ...

"And when we go crushing down, we come back every time, 'cause we never go out of time"

New Years Day | lh44 (requested)

"Don't read the last page, but I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes I want your midnights, but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day"

Gorgeous | ms47

He can't quite understand what he's done to her as she seems to despise him so much, if he only knew the reason why.

I Think He Knows | ln4 (requested)

"Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh We can follow the sparks, I'll drive. So where we gonna go? I whisper in the dark. Where we gonna go? I think he knows"

Cornelia Street | lh44 (requested)

"Windows swung right open, autumn air Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours We bless the rains on Cornelia Street Memorize the creaks in the floor"

The Lakes | sv5

When the world seems to haunt them they find themselves looking for each other on the toughest times

Mirrorball | mv1

Where he tries to do everything to please everybody but when he's with her he can be his true self.

Gold Rush | cl16

Her mind can't understand why everybody is so infatuated by the Charles Leclerc until she finds her heart fluttering when he's around and can not explain it.

Ivy | lh44

Where she finds herself in the claws of a love less relationship and even knowing it's wrong she goes to seek comfort and love in the arms of another

Midnight Rain | ...

"My boy was a montage, a slow-motion, love potion. Jumping off things in the ocean I broke his heart 'cause he was nice"

Maroon | cs55

The rise and fall of a short but, oh, so, ardent relationship, between two strangers who one night met and became more than that.

♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡ ♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡

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petaltexturedskies · 6 months

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November the most beautiful month! Walking the streets, enveloped in a general lazy drizzle, shut off from the details around you, rendered impermeable, alone... You leave home with a pipe and your thoughts and walk the streets for hours, seeing nobody, stumbling into people, trees and shop windows, arriving home late, like a ship to port.

My time of the year, November. The month when I re-read books, leaf through papers, gather notes. It's a kind of hunger for work, for activity, for taking up all the old tasks once again.

And that damp organic smell in the morning when I go out—and the warm halos of lamplight in the evening when I return…

Mihail Sebastian, For Two Thousand Years (trans. Philip Ó Ceallaigh)

#mihail sebastian #november

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perfectsunlight · 6 months

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01 ⸻ THE WAY THINGS GO

warnings: minor angst.

word count: 2.3k

synopsis: your ex-wife receives an invite to your wedding, but will she let you say "i do" for a second time?

masterlist | next

when the leaves grow green and the cherry blossoms bloom, soyeon remembers your wedding. however, she wasn’t expecting that reminder six months earlier, and this time it wasn’t a reminder of the past.

the ceo furrowed her eyebrows as she flipped over the white envelope that had been addressed to her as “jeon soyeon” and not “ceo jeon.” did her mother send her a late birthday card? or was it something from a friend?

a pit formed in her stomach when she recognized the handwriting. it was yours.

the woman’s fingers trembled slightly as she gently opened the invitation, and prayed to every god in the sky that it wasn’t true. she hoped that the non-formal addressing and the color scheme meant anything but the thoughts running through her head.

the elegant script on the invitation danced before her eyes, adorned with black and white lettering. the weight of the revelation caused her chest to tighten and the air inside her lungs to disappear.

you were getting re-married.

it had been 5 years since the divorce. had you really moved on?

as she read the details of the upcoming ceremony, soyeon couldn't shake the mixture of disbelief and subtle pain that twisted in her stomach.

on top of that, you were marrying chou tzuyu, the only person who had been closer to you than she was.

with a heavy heart, she traced the letters of your name on the invitation, feeling the ink under her fingertips as she remembered the way her name looked next to yours all those years ago.

she thought about reaching for her phone, dialing your number and demanding an explanation from you. but the rational ceo within her prevailed, reminding her that the past was just that—a chapter closed and done, sealed with the ink of divorce papers.

yet, in the solitude of her office, surrounded by the trappings of success, soyeon couldn't escape the way this single white envelope had made her feel. the memories of your love that once bloomed like the blossoms outside her window did in early may were now juxtaposed against the harsh reality of a future that no longer included her.

with a sigh, she folded the invitation, holding it in her hands as if the act itself could contain the storm of emotions brewing deep inside her. she had so much left to say to you, but she didn’t even want to bother trying at this point.

you were getting re-married, and she would have to accept the fact that you no longer were in love with her.

she gently placed the envelope against the side of her desk lamp, not wanting to throw it away, but also not knowing exactly what to do with it either.

her gaze lingered on the invitation, her mind oscillating between the urge to confront the past and the wisdom of letting it rest. she wrestled with the conflicting desires, knowing very well that your happiness was all she ever wanted, but also hating that your happiness was no longer coming from her.

but soyeon knew that it hadn’t been coming from her for years now.

the ceo knew she couldn't change the course of your life or the feelings that led to this moment. the realization stung, but it also carried a quiet strength—a reminder that she had weathered storms before, and this, too, was just another tempest to endure.

as she leaned back in her chair, she allowed herself a moment of reflection. her eyes briefly glanced at the scenery outside her window. autumn leaves were falling, symbolizing the true arrival of the fall season. the tiniest smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she watched them dance in the wind.

it reminded her of the first time she met you.

the air outside was cold, and on that day specifically, soyeon remembered thinking she could feel the brisk touch of winter lurking in the breeze. it was a day much like this one, with leaves in hues of amber and gold painting the path beneath her feet. the crunching sound echoed with each step as she approached cube’s headquarters.

her breath escaped in visible puffs before she entered the warm heating from the establishment. a soft beep announced her arrival as she made her way to the elevator. once her feet carried her to the practice room, her eyes scanned the figures of the other girls there, searching for a face she had only seen in photographs and the youtube videos she watched for over 50 hours.

there was soojin, the master of the stage. shuhua and yuqi, the loud ones. miyeon and minnie, the two aces up soyeon’s sleeve.

and then there was you.

you, the newcomer whose presence was anticipated for weeks. you, with a burning passion that seemed to radiate like the winter sun filtering through the frosted windows of the practice room. you, with an undeniable presence that made you stand out even among the most talented ensembles.

when yuqi mentioned that she had a cousin who was, as she said, “even better than me”, the leader raised her eyebrows, intrigued by the idea that there was another who was at the same level of talent.

it wasn't long before soyeon found you.

jeon soyeon probably spent hours watching videos of you, consumed and captivated with everything you did. cube wanted to cap the group at six members, but soyeon begged for them to let you in.

she presented a compelling case, illustrating how your unique talents and energy would enrich the ensemble, creating a harmonious blend that surpassed the limitations of a predefined vision. you, in her eyes, were the vital piece needed to complete the puzzle she envisioned.

after much persuasion, the company relented, granting you a place within the group lineup.

the girls paused in their dance routine, their attention turning towards the doorway that signaled their leader’s arrival.

soyeon felt a mixture of responsibility and eagerness. as the leader, it was her role to guide and nurture the talents within the group, and your arrival brought both the challenge and the potential for something extraordinary. she remembered the way the stress felt on her young shoulders at the time, but there was something that changed in that very next moment.

the way your eyes met hers for the first time was something she’d never forget.

soyeon had never seen such soft irises.

it was a bit awkward at first, especially since she remembered that your korean vocabulary was very limited at the time. you actually mentioned to her once that you spent the flight to incheon memorizing korean phrases.

you just simply smiled, and soyeon remembered thinking you were the best thing she’d ever seen.

the ringing of her office phone snapped her back to reality, where the responsibilities of being a leader and the demands of the industry pressed upon her. soyeon shook off the remnants of the memory, though the warmth of your smile lingered in her thoughts.

with a composed demeanor, she answered the phone, her ceo mode immediately activated. it was a flurry of discussions, decisions, and planning for the upcoming schedule. the music industry moved at a relentless pace, and soyeon had proven time and time again that she was an immovable force.

but truth be told, she didn’t really process half of what the other person was saying. matter of fact, she was running on autopilot even after work when she was in the back of her all black suv returning home.

the home you once lived in.

the ceo punched in the code for the door with a heavy sigh, being met with the dark and quiet space. she was used to the lack of life that lingered in her home. as she took her shoes off and placed her bag down, the wedding invitation slipped and landed onto the floor.

soyeon didn’t remember slipping it in there. or maybe she did, and couldn’t remember? her mind had been a mess all day, and with the shake of her head she gently picked it up and placed it on the nearby tabletop.

she wandered into the living room, where subtle traces of your life together still lingered. the color of the walls you had chosen was still the same. soyeon didn’t have the time to change them after you left. it felt like too much work for something that meant nothing.

at least, to her the color didn’t mean anything. you were the only thing that mattered.

the brief thought of you painting the walls of your new home that same shade of cream entered her mind. it didn’t sit well with her at all.

to be honest, the divorce never sat well with her either. but at the time, she was too prideful to admit that losing you would mean losing everything.

soyeon’s eyes wandered to the empty mantle, where empty command hooks still remained. you would be decorating the house around this time of the year. she never understood why you needed to cover every square inch of your shared home with holiday decor, but it made you happy and she never questioned it.

the ceo made her way up the stairs and into the bedroom and into her bathroom. she remembered the days you’d yell at her to go shower before laying in bed, and for a moment she could remember your laughter at the sight of her laying in bed all sweaty after a long day of practice.

she stood in the bathroom, the echoes of your playful banter ringing in her ears. soyeon's gaze fell on the shower, a space that had witnessed both the mundane routines and the intimate moments of your shared life. she hated the tiles when you insisted on buying them for the house. she couldn't help but smile wistfully at the memory of your insistence on those particular tiles.

you had argued that they added a touch of character to the bathroom, and now after all these years, standing amidst the steam and droplets, she had to admit that you were right.

with a contemplative sigh, soyeon turned to face the water, allowing it to cascade over her tired shoulders. the familiar sound of water against tile was soothing to her. it was her only source of solace nowadays. she was too old to party, too mature for clubbing, and far too busy to find a new hobby.

it reminded her of the times when you would always call to tell her about something new you had learned every day. she didn’t know how you did it, but you always seemed to constantly be doing ten things at once.

the ceo reached for her shampoo bottle, the same brand she had been using ever since you complemented its scent all those years ago. she always told you she was just a creature of habit, and that she liked it because she had it for so long.

but she never mentioned the other truth to it. maybe she should have. perhaps it would have made you feel even an ounce more appreciated than you did when you were married to her.

eventually she stepped out of the shower and changed into comfortable loungewear. her hair was still wet as it left small impressions on her white shirt, and for a fleeting moment she could hear you yelling at her to just blow dry it.

she never listened to you before. perhaps she should have listened to you, not just about tiles and wet hair.

the former idol made her way to the bookshelf in the hallway beside her bedroom. soyeon had developed a habit of reading every night before bed (thanks to you), but she never read anything but her manga.

soyeon's eyes wandered over the titles, each one she had read over numerous times and yet still enjoyed it. but tonight, she didn’t feel like reading her usual choices.

she reached for one that held a particularly special place in her heart—the novel you had recommended during one of your late-night conversations. as she held the book in her hands, the cover brought back a flood of memories.

you used to pick so many different books that you thought would resonate with her, begging her to pick up literature of “more value” for once instead of a picture book. eventually, you gave up on making her read something different and just stored the numerous novels on the shelf next to soyeon’s comics.

but tonight she would finally listen to you for once.

fahrenheit 451. a book you refused to put down all those years ago.

she traced the spine of the book with her fingers, reminiscing about the nights you spent discussing the intricacies of the plot, dissecting the characters' motivations, and sharing the emotions the story stirred within you. the book, a tangible artifact of the intellectual intimacy you once held, now felt both comforting and achingly distant.

as she gently thumbed through the pages, a small, forgotten object slipped out and landed on her feet. it was a bookmark—a simple yet profound reminder of your shared history. soyeon gently picked it up, her twitching fingers tracing the edges.

it was your old wedding invitation, elegantly adorned with the details of a day that had once symbolized the union of your lives.

soyeon just stared at the bookmark you had used, her mind flooded with emotions. if it was any other day, maybe she wouldn’t feel like this. maybe she’d brush it off with a small smile and move onto reading the book without any problems.

but after seeing your new wedding invitation this morning, she couldn’t escape the feeling gnawing in her chest.

water droplets landed on the small piece of paper—perhaps remnants from her wet hair, or maybe they were the silent traces of tears that had escaped her eyes. whichever it might have been, soyeon only knew one thing was for certain.

she should have listened to you.

#─👤 sunlight speaks #jeon soyeon #song yuqi #gidle series #gidle #soyeon x reader #gidle x reader #original series #angst #kpop #wlw #gxg #i do #perfectsunlight

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daydreamingmia · 3 months

Text

First Day on Set🌊🔱

Walker Scobell X Reader | Series | You Belong With Me🔱 Part 1

A/n: Sorry, I didn't re-read the story, so there might be spelling errors.

Y/n's bio: The reader is just a few weeks younger than Walker. She got her start on Good Luck Charlie as Charlie. But Taylor Swift discovered her musically. She has released three record-breaking albums so far. Once Taylor took her under her wing, things were never the same. Not that you didn't like it. You loved it!! But sometimes the paparazzi can be annoying. Especially when your best friends are huge stars.

When she gets the part of Annabeth in Percy Jackson, she becomes best friends with the cast. Especially her co-star, Walker Scobell. But will they become more than just friends?

The alarm clock goes off and you look over to see it is 7 am.

You groan as you turn it off

"Come on y/n! We are going to be late!"

You hop out of bed as your remembered what day it was. Today was the first day of filming Percy Jackson! You have loved Percy Jackson since you were very little and you were so excited to play Annabeth! You hop out of bed and rush to get dressed.

This is just the first thing I found on pinterest

(You can change it if you'd like)

By the time you are ready it is 7:35. You run out to the car and jumped in. Then you saw a text from the group. You have gotten very close to all of them in the last few months. Especially Walker.

Camp Halfblood GC

Walker🔱: Y/n! You were supposed

to be here 20 minutes ago! Are

you still asleep?🙄🙄🙄

Aryan🐐: Oh no! The monsters got y/n!!😱😱

Y/n: I just fought one off!! I'm on my way now!!

Walker🔱: On second thought

maybe don't come here. 😬

Y/n: She says she'll let me live

if I tell her where Walker is hiding.

Walker🔱: What?!

Y/n: I'm on my way!! She let me go😁

Walker🔱: Oh no! You are the one

who is gonna betray me 😱😱

Y/n:🤣🤣🤣

Y/n: I'm pulling in now.

Walker🔱: Cool. You want some Chick fil a? I'm ordering delivery.

Y/n: YES PLEASE!!!😁

××FLASHBACK××

You and the cast of Percy Jackson were going to a Party to meet one another.

You get out of the car and are half way there when you realize you forgot your phone.

"Ugh! Mom I forgot my phone ill run back and meet you there."

She nidded

You were running back when you ran into someone.

"Hey!" He said jokingly as you both fell to the ground.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't look where I was going!" You apologized

"Don't worry about it!" He said with a chuckle as he stood up and offered you his hand. You took it and he pulled you up

"Hey aren't you that girl from Avengers?" He asked

"Please to make your acquaintance." You said in a funny voice bowing

You both laugehd

"Y/c/n is such a badass!"

You talked for a little but then parted way so you could get your phone.

××END FLASHBACK××

When you got to set you parking in your marked spot and went to your trailer to meet your hair and makeup artists(Gina and Natalie). They were very nice and sat you down as you got to know each other.

Walker walked in with Chick Fil A and sat next to you.

"I got you a cookies and cream milkshake too" He said sitting down I the seat next to you.

"Thank you!! Your makeup is done already?" You asked while grabbing the milkshake he was taking a sip out of.

"IT WAS DONE AN HOUR AGO! YOU WERE LATE!" He screamed and you both laughed.

You take a picture of him and the food and post it.

The first scene you did was the bathroom scene.

You were talking with Dior when the director yelled action. You got yourself into character.

"I can explain" Walker said nervously

"No you can't" I replied

"Okay. Wait...I know you dont I?"

"No you don't" I replied channeling my inner Annabeth

"You were there that night in the infirmary"

"Yes. I'm Annabeth"

"Are you stalking me Annabeth?"

"Yes" I say like it's totally normal

"Okay" He said caught off guard

"Well, I've been waiting to see if something like this would happen so I know if you can help me"

"Help you do what?"

"Win capture the flag of course"

The director yelled cut and Walker walked up to you dripping wet

"Hey great job! You were born to play Annabeth!" He said as you backed away from him

"What's wrong?" He asked a little confused

"I don't want to get wet" you said continuing to set back

"Well in that case..." He said with a mischievous grin in his face

He then lunged forward and had you in and bear hug and was spining you.

The hug you didn't mind but now you were covered in water too.

"WALKER! PUT ME DOWN!" You demand

"Fine" He said putting you down

"That's what you get for eating my nuggets" He said with a fake stern face

"I hate you! You said looking at how soaked you were.

"You love me" He said with a smile

"I do" you sighed

A/N: This is my first attempt at fanfiction!! I hope you like it!

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wolvesofinnistrad · 21 days

Text

Read on Ao3 Here.

Its been about 6 months.

6 of the best months of a relationship Buck has ever had. And its not even about it being a guy, discovering his bisexuality. Its just... Tommy.

Hes great in so many ways, and the dynamic is so different that for the first time Buck has been able to relax, not always feel like hes chasing after someone. Actually, hes found out he quite likes being the one that gets chased, romanced, flirted with.

Everything is going great and hes even, in the back of his mind, been starting to think this might be it, this might be a long term thing after all which he'd have never expected. And then Eddie fucks it all up by telling him his most recent girlfriend, Beatrice or something Buck honestly hasn't kept track lately, broke up with him because quote "i can never have a place in your life when you've got Buck so entrenched in it."

Hes never had anyone imply that his and Eddies friendship, the little family hes made with Eddie and Chris, is somehow wrong or off-putting. Eddie was more annoyed than anything and didn't seem to care. But Buck... Buck got worried. Not because he cared about what Betty or whatever thought, but because he wondered if it wasn't true. If maybe their dynamic would scare people off eventually, and did that mean it would scare Tommy off as well?

So that's how hes sitting here, curled under a blanket on the couch, a new sectional he bought because Tommy's back didn't get enough support in the last one, spilling his guts to his boyfriend. When hes done he looks up at Tommy, expecting, well, something. Anger, confusion, heartbreak, but... Its not there. Tommy smiles at him, placing a hand on his leg over the blanket. "Evan... i understand how important Eddie and Chris are to you. I would never make you choose. I would never try to cut them out or deny you that."

Buck takes that in sits with it for a moment but finds it doesn't fully alleviate his concerns.

"But what if... i mean, if were together, you know, for the long haul. It wont affect you? What i have with them?"

Tommy smiles, he looks away for a minute and laughs.

"Can i be really honest with you Evan?" He says, meeting his eyes now.

Buck nods.

Tommy inches closer, drawing up one of his legs beneath him. "When we first started dating i knew you all were close, but i didn't really understand until later that you were a 'family.'" He pauses, thinks. "But when i did, yeah, there was a moment i was a little worried where i fit in. Where there was space for me in your life. And then i had an idea, and once i wrapped my head around it that way, re-conceptualized how i looked at things, it didn't scare me anymore."

Now that's surprising to hear, Buck wants to know what could have so easily changed his mind. "And what was it that made you not worry then?"

Again Tommy laughs. "I started thinking of Eddie like he was your ex husband."

Bucks eyes bug out a bit. "My what?!"

Tommy shrugs. "It was easier in my head than just saying your best friend who you're co-parenting with. I've dated guys with kids, with exes before. It wasn't a stretch to think of it like Eddie was your ex and Chris was your kid from another relationship. Once i put it in my head like that, i didn't worry about whether we could have a life together. You'll always be tied to them, but it didn't mean you couldn't have a life with me to." He reached over and took Bucks hand, squeezed it tight. "And honestly Evan? I'm starting to think I'd like that. A life with you."

Despite how weird it is to think of his little family with Eddie and Chris that way, how Tommy sees it, there's something relief and happiness coursing through him. Knowing that Tommy's already figured out how he can keep some of the most important people in his life and incorporate them into a new life hes building for himself. For him and Tommy.

"Evan?" Tommy asks, scootching closer on the couch, their knees knocking together.

Buck realizes its been too long since he's said anything, but when he speaks he simply says "move in with me."

For all of a second Tommy looks shocked, then elated, then seemingly guarded. "Evan... You don't have to lock me down or something i just exp-"

Buck cuts him off, "its not that. Trust me, I've done that before. Held on so tight, clung because i was scared of being left behind. This isn't that. This is..." he stops, lets his mind and body calm enough to get this right. "This is me holding on because I don't want to let go. Because i want to stay, right here, with you. I'm not scared of being left anymore, I'm scared of not putting down roots. Of not letting the best boyfriend I've ever had,"

"Only," Tommy interjects.

"Best," Buck reiterates, gripping his hand tighter, boyfriend I've ever had know that i want this. I want him. I want a life with you too. And hearing that i think, it was just the final thing falling into place, the last weight weighing on me. I... I've been thinking of asking you for a while, but i wanted so bad to get it right this time. And i think i am, but Tommy." He looks into his eyes. "Tommy you're the first time I've felt like if i got it wrong it would still be okay, we could make it work anyway. So move in with me. Please. Or.. heck, we could get a place of our own if you like?"

Tommy kisses him then. Its slow and passionate but all consuming. Its like nothing hes ever had before. And it feels so right. For once it feels Right.

A week later Tommy sends him a photo of a house for rent. Rent to own actually.

"Wheres that at?" He asks, because its a nice place, he can see the potential.

"Its literally a block away from Eddie's house, I saw it as I was driving away." He says, and Buck can almost hear the laugh and smug smile miles away.

"Its perfect." He writes back. But what he means is, 'you're perfect.'

#bucktommy #kinkley #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #tommy kinard #this is a bucktommy endgame fic dont hate me but im into them rn #my fic #fanfiction

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otteropera · 1 year

Text

Home (Jon Snow x Reader)

A/N - Only took me, what, like three months to finish this request? I kept coming back to it and re-reading and changing it but I finally FINISHED IT! The wonderful @pastanest requested this one so shoutout to her, if you are thirsting for Jon Snow (like me) GO CHECK HER OUT!!! She is an amazing writer and a wonderful person <3

Warnings - blood, RAMSAY BOLTON, violence... its game of thrones tbh

Word count - 5.7k

The fire had gone out weeks ago. No one who came in bothered to replenish it with wood, and I wasn't exactly in a position to do it, with my wrists chained to the floor. I'd had a lot of time to think about things. About my past, about Sansa, about what led me to this moment, about Jon.

I found that my mind went wandering to him quite often.

Nineteen years ago, after Robert’s Rebellion ended, many reunions were had. Fathers saw their children and wives saw their husbands. It was a sigh of relief for people who had their loved ones taken away, forced to fight the Mad King. My mother waited with baited breath, staring at the horizon everyday for months, praying to all the Gods that she would see him in the distance, finally returning to her. She held her budding belly with tears in her eyes, refusing to believe that she was living in a world without him.

She later passed away on the birthing bed.

If it weren’t for the wet-nurse that was able to arrive so quickly from a town over, I wouldn’t have made it. When word got to Eddard Stark that I was in fact alive, and without parents, he was quick to get me over to Winterfell. I don’t remember my life before the Starks, and I don’t have much of a need to. I befriended the Stark children and was welcomed into their home with open arms. My father gave his life in service to the realm, they felt it was the least they could do. From what Lord Eddard remembered of my parents, they were utterly and wholly in love.

Sansa and I clicked when we were younger. Although I was a few years older than her, we got along very well. We would brush each other's hair and put it in pretty braids, we'd giggle when the stable boys would flirt with us, and she would tease me for my crush on Jon. Once the two of us were of age, I was assigned as her lady-in-waiting. It was sort of like being Sansa's ‘official friend’, which wasn't hard. It really didn't change much; we got to spend all of our time together.

Sometimes, if I closed my eyes hard enough, I could go back to those days. When we were younger, we'd help sneak Arya out of her room and run down the corridors to the kitchen to steal any lemon cakes that were left from dinner. I was almost certain that Lord Eddard and Lady Catelyn knew what we were doing, but let us have our fun when they heard the laughter from the kitchens late at night.

"What are you doing?"

Jon stood in the doorway, his mouth slightly agape, eyebrows furrowed. Arya, Sansa, and I stilled, crumb-covered mouths tightly shut. I wasn't sure if it was our lack of sleep or the definite sugar high, but Arya burst out laughing, spewing bits of cake over the table, while Sansa and I did our best not to copy her, covering our mouths and stifling our laughs. With my quick and shy glances to Jon, I could tell he was having a hard time keeping a smile off his face.

"I can't believe you guys," he said, shaking his head. "You're worse than Bran."

Bran was notorious for stealing sweets. I hoped that wherever Sansa had escaped to, she got to eat as many lemon cakes as she pleased. It had been months since she got away from Ramsay’s hold, and sometimes I wondered if she would leave me here for good.

It was an awful thing to think, I knew that, but Ramsey knew how to get under my skin (literally) and drill some awful things into my mind. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he’d done to Sansa. Thankfully, he could go days without bothering to torment me, which usually meant that I didn’t get to eat either, but I was more than willing to trade that for some time away from Ramsay. The room that I’d been confined to was small and drafty, from what I could guess used to be an extra storage room for food, with the old flour bags and rotting potatoes. They were my bed most nights. Though I have to admit, it’s a step up from the cell outside with the dogs. Ramsay had been keeping me there until Sansa found out and refused to eat until I was moved to an actual room. She even got me a makeshift fireplace in an old cooking pot.

I was convinced that the only reason I was able to stay sane was by staying in my mind. Thinking of ten years ago, when I was growing up here with Sansa, Arya… Jon. When I was safe and happy and took everything for granted.

There was some irony in it. The place that I grew up in, that allowed me to build the friendships and relationships that I had, that allowed me to be free of the pain of growing up without a family, was then the same place that kept me from being with mine.

The door creaked open, and in walked the man who had chained me here. Ramsay knelt in front of me, placing down a bowl of stew. One glance at it and I was salivating. Meat, potatoes, carrots, celery, all steaming gloriously in the bowl in front of me. That was… odd. I’m not one to turn down a hot meal, especially when I hadn’t eaten in days, but I knew the games Ramsay played. I knew that there was… something else to it. Ramsay sat on the floor across from me, with that sick little half-smirk.

“It’s rude to refuse food from the Warden of the North,” he commented, clasping his hands together in front of him.

“He didn’t put this in front of me. You did.”

Ramsay let out a dry laugh, not letting his smile fall. I only managed to get that look off his face once, and I paid for it. However, I still found myself accepting the challenge of knocking Ramsay’s ego down a peg.

“I see you’re in a fine mood today, that’s good,” he paused, “I have good news.”

That was saying something, coming from him.

“The bastard is coming.”

I froze at that. It took a moment to realize that that’s what he wanted, he always wanted to get a rise out of me. I refused to give him any satisfaction. I had to stop myself from meeting his penetrating stare.

“I’d spoken to him earlier, along with my dear wife,” his emphasis on the word ‘wife’ made me want to vomit. “They’ll be coming to Winterfell tomorrow to try to take it from me, with lesser men. And when they lose," Ramsay's voice got quieter as he leaned in towards me, "Sansa will watch me flay you living. She will watch me feed you to those dogs, she will watch as you die in that cell, screaming and bleeding. I will make her understand what happens to those she cares about when she betrays me." His pitch black eyes stared into mine as I tried to control my breathing. I didn’t think I'd ever truly, wholly, and honestly wished for someone to die a painful death as much as I wished it for that man. I swallowed harshly.

"Winterfell has never been yours. It never will be," I whispered. He leaned back, loosening up, but his eyes looked empty as ever. And he smiled some more.

“Jon sounded awfully concerned for you.” No. No. “I’m assuming Sansa had told him about your… conditions here.” That was a nice way to put being held prisoner in your own home. “I wasn’t aware that you two had such a history.” I shouldn’t have even looked at him. All the emotion that I was trying to hide, he saw right through. The more I spoke, or acted, or looked, the more leverage he had against me. It was an impossible struggle.

“Don’t worry,” he leaned closer, his breath hot and putrid. There was nowhere for me to go. “I won’t kill him before I let him see you,” he snatched my face in his free hand, his grasp firm and unwavering. I felt the cool tip of a knife rest on my cheekbone. “He will see just how you’ve been holding up.” He dragged the knife agonizingly slow down the bare flesh, I was sure I would pass out. “And he will see all that I’ve done to you.”

I didn’t eat the stew until after he left. The chains rattled as I reached forward for it, slugging from the bowl like an animal. I didn’t like eating while he watched. Something about it felt… humiliating. Like he was watching one of his dogs rip someone apart after not feeding them for weeks, like he was proud of the way he had starved me. I was sure he was. I was sure he would love to see me eating like it was the last meal I’d ever indulge in.

***

Jon was outside the banquet hall, in the courtyard, slashing away at a dummy with his sword. The mead sloshed in their cups as I stepped toward him.

"I think you won," I commented once I got within earshot. He turned around, his face lighting up at my presence just enough for me to notice, causing my face to flush. "I smuggled you out a drink," I outstretched one of the cups, which he took while catching his breath.

"What am I missing in there?" Jon questioned, referring to the dinner party with the King and Queen, taking a slug from the cup.

"Well... the King is drunk, Sansa's gushing over Prince Joffrey, and Arya just got in trouble for catapulting food at her," I explained. Jon chuckled at the thought of it. "So nothing new, as far as our dinners go."

Jon went quiet, surprisingly. He'd tend to have a lot to say when I was around. His gaze was fixed on the cup, lost in thought.

"Is everything alright?" I asked. I've known him to be a bit upset about being forbidden from dinners, but he was usually better at hiding it.

"There's something I've been thinking about, that I want to tell you," he breathed out. "I'm taking the black. I leave the same day as the royal party with my Uncle Benjen." His eyes were on mine. I felt... conflicted. I was happy for him, I knew he'd do well up at Castle Black, given his bravery and swordsmanship. I knew that we all couldn't stay in Winterfell forever, that we were growing up. However, something in me hoped that wherever Jon would go, I could follow. The bastard and the Lady's maid.

"I'm happy for you." Truly, I was. I knew he'd always been worried about making something of himself. He would never have lands or a title, so it made sense he would seek to prove his worth through service to the realm.

"Thank you." There was a hint of sadness in his voice.

"From what I've heard I'll be going to King's Landing with Sansa. Serving as her handmaiden."

Jon hummed in response. He seemed to have the same reaction to my news as I had to his.

"I'll write to you," he commented. I didn't even bother trying to hide my growing smile.

"I'll write back."

***

The days were cold, but the nights felt colder. Ramsay sent in a Maester to treat the wound that he inflicted. I was no use to him dead, of course. It was sore to the touch. Through the small, barred window in the room, I could see that the sun was setting, as it did every night, and as it will continue to do well after I die in that place.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the throbbing pain in my face. It felt like it was on fire, which meant that my body was probably fighting an infection from the cut. Looking out my small window, the sunlight couldn't penetrate the clouds, leaving the sky a gloomy, milky gray.

Sometimes, when I was just waking up, I would forget where I was. I could open my eyes and be in King's Landing, with Sansa and Arya and Ned Stark. Or I could be waking up here in Winterfell, but in my own bed, in my own room, right across from Sansa's, how it used to be. Those moments were my favorite. When my mind was still fogged with sleep and I could swear that just yesterday I was reading in the Godswood with Jon. Sometimes I would see how long I could go before opening my eyes. It felt like when I did so, it cemented the pained reality of where I was, and who I was without. It's silly, really. No matter how hard I tried, I would still wake up surrounded by these four walls, in the same house that was no longer a home.

I must have dozed off again at some point, because the next time I rose I was awakened by the sounds of chaos outside. The window in my cell was far too high for me to see ground level out of, even if I wasn't chained. I had to use my hearing to discern what was happening.

The scrambling and shouting of soldiers, and a loud, rhythmic bang... bang... bang. It was coming from the front gate. Was... was it a siege? There was a shrieking of a creature that I couldn't name, and then more shouting and yelling, the clanging of swords. Then it stopped. I held my breath. It felt like ages until I could hear anything else.

Footsteps raced towards the door. I could hear muttering on the other side. There were two very different ideas of who could be coming to me at such a rush, one of which made bile rise in my throat.

"This has to be it, I know that he kept it locked and I remember it being by the kitchens," the sweet, feminine voice rushed out. I'd recognize her voice anywhere.

"Sansa?" My voice was hardly a whisper as I croaked out the name. I jumped when the door started shaking as though it was being kicked in. The chains clicked as I scrambled to stand up. Had they won? Was Winterfell back to the Starks? Was Jon here?

The door burst open and I locked eyes with the one who had been infiltrating my thoughts. He looked much more grown than I'd remembered. His dark, curly locks were pulled back with only a few strands in the front that had burst free. There were streaks on his face where dirt and blood had been haphazardly wiped away. Sansa engulfed me in a hug, pulling me in so tight I was sure she could tell just how little Ramsay was feeding me.

"I'm so sorry it took so long for us to get here, my escape wasn't planned, I would've never left without you if I'd known-"

"Sansa," I cut her off from her babbling, pulling back from the hug and holding her at arm's length. There were tears welling in her eyes, as well as mine. "It's okay, I'm okay." She let out a shaky breath, looking relieved I didn't resent her.

"Ramsay had the key on him." It took me a moment to realize what she was referring to, her and Jon's arrival had almost made me forget that I was still chained in the room. For the first time since she'd come in, she acknowledged Jon's presence by turning back towards him. He looked as though he'd just seen a ghost. To him, I guessed I might be one. He blinked a few times, seeming to snap out of his stupor and reached in his pocket, handing the rusty key over to Sansa. When the manacles fell with a clank to the floor, I felt like I could finally breathe. I rubbed the skin that was under them, it was red and irritated, which wasn't surprising.

"Are you hungry? I'll see what can be made.”

***

"It's for you." A boyish Jon stood at the foot of my bed, on unsteady feet, with a bowl of steaming soup in his hands. Even from the distance it smelled heavenly.

"You didn't have to, I was about to go to the kitchens," I complained, sitting up. Jon made his way around the bed, delicately placing the soup in my cold hands.

"Are you feeling any better?" I saw his hand start to move up as he asked the question, only to stop himself. Was he going to feel my forehead?

"A little," I lied, sipping from the side of the wooden bowl. The soup was hot and delicious; it had been prepared with herbs that were still growing outside. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me." He gave a small shrug but smiled anyway. "I'm just glad to see that you're eating again."

"Me too," I said, trying a spoonful this time. It was potato soup, my favorite. Had he known? Jon sat down next to me before continuing.

"I feel awful." I snapped my head up at his statement.

"Why? Are you feeling ill too?" I stammered, shifting under the furs. He chuckled through his nose.

"No," he sighed, "the stable hands warned me they were still training that horse, but I'd ridden her before and she was fine. I can't believe she threw you off like that, into the stream of all places." I had to suppress a smile, thinking back to the other day. Jon offered to teach me to ride a horse, as no one else would bother, and we'd spent the better part of a day out in the woods. It was the most fun I'd had in ages. Towards the end, my horse had gotten a bit fussy and, well…

Jon was quick to get my sopping wet figure back into the gates of Winterfell, but it wasn't quick enough to stop me from catching a cold. I truly didn't mind. Any time spent with Jon was valuable to me.

"Don't feel bad, it's part of learning... people fall. In streams, sometimes," I muttered towards the end.

Jon's face pulled into a smile at my comment. "Well, let's hope your second attempt at riding doesn't involve a broken bone or two."

***

Potato soup. I was sitting in front of a crackling fireplace, wrapped in furs, with a bowl of hot potato soup that conspicuously arrived. In that moment I wondered if I truly had passed away at Ramsay’s hand, if that was real, if I was just dreaming, still locked in the room.

I knew that I should eat, but the hollowness of my stomach made the food smell less than desirable. Sansa hadn't left my side since she'd unlocked the chains and brought me into the room, going on about the past few months. I hadn't said much.

"How do you feel? You’re quiet,” she bit her lip.

My throat hurt, it was dry. I swallowed hard, clearing it before answering.

“Okay. It's just so good to be warm." I had no idea how long I'd been cold. I often stayed balled up in that room, as tight as I could. I tucked my extremities into myself and dreamed of the sun. I took a breath and brought the bowl to my lips.

"Jon was shocked to hear you were still alive." I almost choked on the soup. Sansa smiled, one that looked devilish. "I knew you were close when we were younger, but I wasn't expecting him to react how he did," Sansa thought out loud.

"How did he react?" My curiosity got the best of me. I set the bowl down on the small table next to me.

"I'd told him soon after Brienne, Poddrick, and I arrived at Castle Black," I quirked my head at the names, but she was too consumed in her story to notice, "that you were still at Winterfell. He was furious, he wanted to come straight here, but I wouldn't let him." Sansa looked down, wringing her hands. "I convinced him to wait, to gather more men. Otherwise it would have been a slaughter."

I put my hands on hers, her glossed eyes met mine.

"You did the right thing," I reassured her. I knew she felt guilty for not getting here sooner, but she did what was best. I'd feel worse if they'd come sooner, and Ramsay's threats rang true.

"Rickon-" Sansa choked a sob, "h-he-"

I shushed her and put my arms around her shoulders. I'd seen some Winterfell men carrying his body through the gates on our way to this room. "I know," I whispered, shedding tears of my own. I didn't dare ask her how he died, I knew enough. That it was by Ramsay's hand, without a doubt.

We sat for a while longer, both comforted by the silence. The warmth of the fire and the contentment of the soup helped me relax. I realized that I'd been clenching my teeth, so I released them. I'd been in an awful lot of pain the past few months. The wound on my face would leave a plump scar, that I was sure of. Our silence was interrupted by a few maids entering with warm buckets of water for a bath. The mischievous smile on Sansa's face told me she had planned that. It wasn't until the maids had filled up the tub and left that I got the courage to ask the question that was lingering in my mind.

"Where's Jon? I haven't seen him since..." since I was freed from my cell? Since I saw him for the first time in years? Since he looked at me and his stare penetrated my being?

"I believe he's with some of the men of Winterfell, gathering up any survivors of Ramsay's men in the castle," she replied, giving me a look. She knew why I asked. I could only imagine what Jon was doing to Ramsay’s men "I'll leave you to it," she stood, her long furs flowing down to her ankles. It was then that I realized this room was intended to be mine. "I'm sure a bath is just what you need." I nodded in response, and she swiftly exited the room.

***

Jon hissed and pulled back slightly at the damp cloth I held against his temple.

"I have to clean it, Jon," I pleaded.

"I know," he breathed out. "It stings." I could see the pain in the way he scrunched up his face.

"I’m sorry." His eyebrows scrunched together at my apology, his eyes locked to mine. I could hear the wheels turning in his head.

Jon and I had a silent understanding of each other. While we had different reasons for being at Winterfell, we were both seen as slightly less-than the Stark children. Of course, I wasn't scolded by Catelyn nearly as much as Jon was. However, we were both instructed to stand behind the Stark's during the Royal family's arrival, never with them. While Jon was told not to attend the feast at all, I was tasked to stay at Sansa's side.

We noticed these differences, we saw them at a very young age, and we protected each other. We looked out for one another in an unspoken pact, that was shown by Jon walking me to my chambers late after the sun went down, and my defending him when Catelyn was always too harsh.

"Jon, I was fine. Those stable boys didn't cause me any harm."

"They were throwing cow shit at you," Jon blurted out. I had to suppress a grin, he was fuming.

"Well, they didn't have very good aim," I muttered. Jon returned his hardened gaze to the gloves that were clutched in his hand, he must not have found my comment very funny.

"Eddard and Catelyn will have an earful for you, you know. Especially Catelyn." He turned away from me.

"I know," he said quietly, "those boys didn't put up much of a fight," Jon pulled my hand down, and grasped it in his. "I'd do it again." My heart fluttered and I swallowed hard.

***

I recalled the memory in the bath. It was so vivid, his warm hand gripping my fingers, his eyes locked on mine and saw everything inside them. It was the first time he ever offered to defend me like that.

I had scrubbed myself too hard in the bath and opened the wound on my face. I stayed in the water until it turned murky and cold. I wanted to rid myself of every piece of Ramsay, though I knew it wouldn’t be possible. At least, not for a long time. My only motivation for exiting the bath was the small trickle of blood down my face. After drying off and dressing, I exited the chamber and made my way to what used to be Maester Luwin’s space. Surely, there would be a healer of some sorts there.

It was dark outside, the moon shone bright above. A chill breeze blew through the halls. I pulled my furs tighter against me and walked to the door, opening it. There was no one inside. The room was littered with medical supplies, my best guess was whatever Maester was here had been out tending to any wounded men from the battle. Though I'd patched up Arya's scrapes and scratches from playing too rough with Bran before. With the supplies here, I could fix myself up. It took me a moment of fumbling through the shelves and drawers to find a healing balm in a small wooden bowl. The smell of it reminded me of Maester Luwin. His hands were always covered in the minty salve.

The sound of footsteps coming down the hall startled me, and I nearly dropped the bowl. A soft knock sounded on the door, and I was almost certain I knew who it was. I didn't waste a moment, rushing to the door and opening it. Jon was standing in front of me, his dark hair smoothed back, the moonlight made shadows dance across his face. He wore a plain black tunic with his cloak over it. The air rushed from my lungs. It couldn't have been more than a few moments, standing there, gazing at each other. But I felt like I could spend the rest of my days looking into his warm brown eyes, and I would be content.

"You stopped writing back." There was a hint of amusement in his words, the type that only someone who'd known him well enough could pick up on. I did.

I didn't bother trying to hold back the smile and the tears as we engulfed each other. His arms felt strong and real. One of his hands held me at the back of my head, pulling me so close to him that there was no room for doubt. His breath felt warm on my neck, sending a dance of shivers down my back. I sniffled, holding onto him with every part of me. We stayed together like that for what seemed an eternity.

Finally, he broke our embrace, keeping his hand on the back of my head, holding it, holding me. "I've missed you."

My lips quivered when I spoke, unable to form the right words. "I... I've missed you too." There were so many things I wanted to tell him, so many stories and so many people that I'd met, but he looked at me so intently that words fell flat on my tongue.

He held my gaze and I was sure I'd burst into flames. "How are you?" he asked softly. "Are you hurt anywhere else besides there?" His calloused thumb brushed just below the cut on my face. By the gods, I must’ve been a thousand shades of red.

He'd gained a few new scars himself, his face was littered with them. The little nicks in his skin and the dark shadows of his face made him look so... mature. He was no longer the boy who's cheek I'd pecked before he left for the Night's Watch. "No," I said quietly, wringing my hands. "Nothing serious. Just cuts and bruises."

"That's serious," he started analyzing me, trying to find any, "it's you." I smiled again.

"Come here." He dropped his hand from me, closing the door behind him. I immediately missed the warmth he brought to my skin. I turned to follow him, and saw that he was already holding the bowl of salve. With feather light touches, he began to apply to the wound on my face. It stung at first, if only for a moment, but once the minty coolness took effect, I let out a breath of relief. I hadn't realized I closed my eyes until Jon placed his fingers under my chin, tilting my head sideways to get better access to the cut. When I opened them, they found his. The downward curve of his brow told me something.

"What's wrong?" I asked. My voice cracked a bit, and I cleared my throat.

Jon shook his head, leaning back against the wooden desk. His gaze fell to the floor. "I wanted to come sooner, but we didn't have the men," his soft brown eyes followed the curve of the wound down my face, "I'm sorry." For a moment, I thought I saw a wetness in his eyes.

A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard. "For what? Winterfell is back to the Starks. You did what you had to do."

His expression softened. "I know," he said quietly, "I don't think I can thank you enough for keeping Sansa safe the past few years." He reached out to brush the hair away from my forehead, and I could feel the heat radiating off his hand. "She told me everything. About Joffrey, Baelish... Ramsey." He spat out the last name with venom as his jaw hardened.

"Is he...?" I didn't need to finish asking the question for Jon to understand.

"Sansa put him with his hounds. I don't imagine he'll be there much longer."

I knew exactly what that meant, and a breath of relief left me, one I never knew I was holding in. Though I'd felt relieved, I knew that it wasn't the end of Ramsay's torment. He would continue to haunt the darkest parts of my mind. I would continue to have nightmares where his touch was everywhere, and no matter what I did or said, I couldn't shake him off of me. I'd only experienced a fraction of what Sansa had from him. I couldn't imagine what she'd been going through. She was stronger than me, that I knew for certain. I made a mental note to talk to her about, at the very least let her know that I was willing to, if that was what she chose. Jon's warm hand on my arm pulled me from my thoughts. He was looking at me, expectantly.

"What?"

"I asked if you'd like me to walk you back to your room," his voice was laced with concern.

I tried not to show how his offer made my heart squeeze. I nodded. We walked side by side through the castle halls, silent except for the occasional murmur of voices drifting around us. Once or twice, we passed another person, but neither of us acknowledged their presence. The silence was nerve-wracking. It didn't take long before we reached my room, a small smile tugging at his lips. I stopped short outside the doors, turning to face him. He was right behind me.

"Was the potato soup any good?" Jon asked, and it took only a moment before it clicked in my head.

"That was you?"

"So it's still your favorite, I take it?"

"I-... yes."

Jon smiled and nodded his head slightly, stepping back. He was starting to leave. A burning ache ran deep inside me. I felt myself longing for him, although he was right in front of me. "Jon..." I paused. His presence was doing that thing again where it made it very hard for me to speak. I needed him to say something. Anything. So when he said nothing, I continued. "Would you... stay, for a little while? Please?" I finished lamely.

It was all the encouragement he needed to step forward and set his hands on either side of my face. His thumb rubbed along my cheekbone and up toward my hairline, making me shiver. His eyes flew back and forth between mine, looking for permission that he always had. He nodded delicately, pulling me in and pressing a kiss to my lips. It was so soft, so gentle, so tentative. But even that small moment made my stomach twist into knots and my knees go weak. I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of his lips on mine, letting the lingering feelings of the past few months melt away. It didn't matter that there was still so much to be said, so much to figure out and plan with the retaking of Winterfell. Things would melt into place, as I melted into him.

Ramsay had left his mark on me, literally and figuratively. And maybe he would continue to live in the parts of my mind that he clawed out space for, but Jon never needed to claim space for himself. He had it earlier when he kicked down the door to my cage, when he hugged me tightly goodbye the day he left for Castle Black, when he showed me that smile that always turned my insides to mush, and every time in between. All without having to ask for it. He was slowly filling it with warmth, with love. With life. So maybe Ramsay had some part of me, one that I may never get back... but those parts were all Jon’s, and I'd always treasure them.

As his lips moved against mine, I realized I’d made it.

I finally felt like I was home.

Tags: @pastanest @nyotamalfoy

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