On today's episode of Holy Shit My Childhood Was Not Normal:

Kurtis Conner being thrown off by the girls'/boys' bibles with the random "Dream Girl" and "Grossology" passages and shit like that in them

;) Alphabet - Manjiro “Mikey” Sano

More Alphabet HCs :)

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Letters: M, A, N, J, I, R, O Warnings: 18+, Mentions of sex

Enjoy ~

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Mikey is a slut for short skirts, dresses, or shorts

If you’re showing your thighs or more he will not be able to stop staring and touching your legs if you’re near/on his lap

If you visit the Bonten office and touch him while around others

I’m talking casually rubbing his shoulders while talking to the others or placing your hand on his thigh under the table or giving him a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room for a moment —it all may lead to you bent over his desk later oop

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Sleepy boi

If time allows it, he enjoys a post-sex nap

Spooning is his jam!

Likes it when you pet his hair

But he softens out after sex, that afterglow hits different especially when he can relax in it for a while

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I don’t think Mikey is really into being called Daddy

Or calling his partner Mommy/Daddy

He doesn’t think it’s gross, it just doesn’t do anything for him

If he got called Daddy he’d probably be stunted for a second even if he doesn’t stop actively having sex/ whatever he was doing

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Doesn’t do it often tbh

He’ll mostly masturbate when he’s gone from his partner for a long period of time & need that release

Phone sex is preferred when he’s gone on business

If he uses some thing it’ll probably be a pair of your panties, whether he’s smelling them or have it wrapped around his cock

Never been a big porn watcher, mostly just uses his imagination and memories of things you’ve done together

A go to is imagining you sucking him off

Likes to use a lot of lube/oil/lotion when he jerks off –the wetter the better in his opinion, especially when he’s imagining your mouth wrapped around him or pumping into your tight hole

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He can be a bit of a softy, unless he’s being rough 😉

He likes facing you when having sex

Pulling your face close to his, his forehead resting on yours on in the crook of your neck

Not much a talker for the most part

A few broken up praises may come out, especially nearing his end

Likes looking into your eyes during sex –even when you aren’t making love

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Yeah he’s game if you really want to

He enjoys a routine of sorts and having a set list of things you do regularly

He never finds it boring or repetitive

Kinda a If it ain’t broke don’t fix it mindset

Is willing to try anything once if it’s something you really want to do

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Prefers receiving it —not that he wouldn’t go down on his partner, he could spend hours between their legs teasing them till they are a whiny mess

But Oral sex is probably his preferred form of stress relief

He likes both stroking his partners head & guiding them up and down his shaft and face fucking them —depending on his mood

Really likes using oral as a form of teasing/edging rather than just used for for play

He’s good with his tongue but his fingers are even better and he uses that to his advantage 😉

Although he mainly uses it on his partner as a form of forplay or torture he also enjoys making them finish on his tongue —especially if you don’t have a lot of energy for sex but he still wants to satisfy you

Hope you enjoyed that Feedback and Interaction is always appreciated :)

💛 ~

~ Masterlist ~

acting aus are one my favorite aus for animes, especially when ppl draw them and add little dialogue. i love seeing who they've related to who, the little relationships between actors and how different or similar their characters are to the persona the artists have created them to be. and the explanations they give to whatever random scene has happened in the anime. it's so fun!

in my aot acting au that i'll never draw bc i can't draw for shit, connie and sasha are actually twins irl, and they're disgusted when ppl ship their characters

"EW! gross, connie and sasha are never getting together!"

"i will literally quit if they do"

it was their idea to include the "she was like my twin" for s4 and connie actually cried when he saw sasha looking so dead.

"it's so realistic. why isn't she moving? move you bitch, say smth!"

"aw, con, don't cry! i'm perfectly fine, see?"

historia and armin are also twins, and they've done each other's stunts and been each other's doubles many times. they always laugh when ppl that didn't know they were siblings say that their characters really could pass as twins.

historia and ymir are also dating irl, that's a couple in and out of the show, i refuse to accept any other options. and the chaotic trio is a chaotic foursome bc marco might be dead but he's still around as director intern (idk if that's a thing) and as an extra, so the fandom is always analyzing the scenes to see if they can find him around

eren and jean are those actors that can never keep the spoilers to themselves and they play fight and chastise each other in every interview, having levi, hange, and erwin as the actual adults that keep them in line. they're great friends outside of it

the younger cast actually calls erwin and levi their dads, they're married, and the levi squad (both dead and alive) talk about levi calling him captain

"oh yeah, and in that one scene, capt'n had to...."

"i remember captain was so mad, you've no idea, he went to get dad..."

the adults are laughing the younger ones of, joking around and calling them by their last names from time to time. they're a big family. hange's the wine aunt, and she has the enthusiasm of her character. she's pulled pranks with the chaotic foursome before

annie is so sweet irl, and very talkative, nothing to do with her character (picture rosa from b99 and stephanie. completely different. it's exactly the same), and the warriors, especially reiner, like to make fun of that.

speaking of, reiner is very similar to his character, but the one before we know he's the armor titan. he's a good guy, fun to talk to and everyone likes to say he's the big brother of the group. he has also done a meme audio ppl use on tiktok similar to the one with sheldon that goes "mom's smokes in the car. jesus is okay with it but we can't tell dad.; no, no that secret, the other secret.; i'm batman!; dammit sheldon!", but his is:

"annie is gay. zeke is okay with it but we can't tell bert"

"no, not that secret, the other secret"

"i'm the armor titan!"

"dammit, reiner!"

armin, eren and him have also done the tiktok with the "so you're eren and you're... woah, who's this babe you're with, jaeger?" sound

mikasa is also different to her character, but it's not as shoking as annie's is, bc she's a little shy too. but interviews with her are very fun to watch bc she'll play any game they propose and gets very into it. she does this little dance every time she does smth right. the cast's snap and insta stories are full of random videos of her being cute. they have compilations on the youtube channel

they have a youtube channel, yes. and they do fun videos while shooting and out of it, bc they do a lot of get togethers. sometimes they'll even go on holiday and make vlogs out of it. all the pranks they pull, the challenges and even the "tea time with your favorite sets of twins ft. whoever joins them that day", where both sets of twins tell you what's up with the cast, and what they're allowed to tell you about the new season or movie or oda. these are the fans favorite videos and they're updated every two weeks, with an special each time they wrap. jean, eren, reiner and bert tried to do a parody to it once "telling you what's up with da bois", where they sat at a couch and acted dumb about what was going on on the show and trash talked the whole cast

"ye, so i'm the armor titan and-"

"wait. hold on. i thought bert was the attack titan"

"no, you idiot! i'm the attack titan. those two are just fillers. duh"

while in quarantine, the channel was updated so much. whether it was bc they were bored and needed to do smth in their houses, or lives, or two min videos, really any kind of bs they could think of went to the yt channel. some live together, and others in the same building so they were like "shopping trip to the store a block down, with porco and zeke!" and they walked five feet apart from the other, shouting to talk between themselves while eren filmed them from the jaeger apartment for insta, wheezing and calling them fools (these two aren't actually brothers, they just took the joke very far and now that they live together the apartment is called "the Jaeger cell)). even the levi and erwin did a video: "a day in quarantine with your aot dads. ps.: yw, sasha and connie"

annie and mikasa share an apartment and the fans are always saying they're dating (which i will not confirm nor deny) and they want them to do a house tour, but they're yet to fulfill their desires

behind the scenes are always hilarious bc the titans have to wear this huge ass heads and sometimes something else on their shoulders (like reiner and zeke) and they're walkking on these miniature versions of the towns, looking like godzilla. the fans haven't figured out how that looks good on the screen yet. there's make-up sessions for the "after titan state" and ymir and armin are always talking about whatever shenanigan comes up to their mind those mornings. conspiracy theories are born there. table runs with pieck and porco switching ppl's papers, talking when they're not supposed to. jean going along with marco to hide in the crowd of extras sometimes, bringing a camera with them and trying to pull a got placing stuff randomly to see if they catch them.

"let's hide it here!"

"no bro, that's too obvious, this is an elephant plushie. if they don't find this i'm losing all faith in them"

catch the fans replying to them "bro? wdym bro? jean, you're going to break your bf's heart!"

niccolo's food really is delicious, and as soon as they say "cut!", they're fighting for it. once they had to retake one so many times, they ended up full.

and I KNOW gabi's hated, but she's a really funny and sweet girl irl, and she's gotten hate, the poor thing so the others had to intervene and say some things, bc we love our kids' cast

and that's all i've got for now

also magazines ft the aot cast are some of the hottest magazines out there, along with the jjk cast and hq

Bird Set Free | Ben Florian x Male Reader

Fandom: Descendants Pairing: Ben Florian x Male Reader Summary: A jealous Audrey comes after Ben’s boyfriend.

A/N: Another co write with my amazingly talented friend @inhumanshadows​. If you haven’t checked them out what are you waiting for!? …

Ben had caught your eye the moment you stepped out of the limbo from the isle.

You were one of the first vk's to arrive in Auradon.

At the time Ben was dating Audrey so you didn't think you had any chance.

That changed after the big turney game when he asked you privately if you wanted to go on a date with him.

That shocked you first off because he was a prince/future king and you were a villain kid.

Secondly you were a guy. You hadn't expected Ben to be into guys.

You said yes of course. Who wouldn't want to go on a date with Ben.

The date went great and you enjoyed it.

During the whole coronation debacle, you helped Mal and them stop Maleficent.

Once everyone was unfrozen, Ben pulled you into a kiss in front of everyone.

That was a surprise to everyone, but who was going to challenge the king and his boyfriend who just stopped maleficent? No one that's who.

While Adam was shocked he wasn't disappointed and Belle was really supportive of you two.

Ben's parents were your biggest supporters. "Love is love."

While the kingdom had accepted you two relatively easy, one person did not. Audrey.

You had a feeling Audrey wouldn’t like it. 

But you figured she wouldn’t be too mad for long.

At least that’s how it seemed. Especially when she left school for a little “wellness retreat.”

Then the mess with Uma happened. 

You knew she spelled Ben and that any actions he made weren’t consciously his own.

The entire cotillion was...intense.

You didn't let Uma use Ben any more than she had.

You quickly pulled Ben in for a kiss and pressed your lips to his.

There was a spark and energy there that you felt every time you kissed.

Pulling back, Ben smiled at you and you could tell it had worked. He wasn't spelled anymore.

Uma and Mal then got into a fight over her spell book.

After everything settled down the two of you enjoyed the rest of your night.

However there was still a part of you that was hurt seeing Ben with someone else even if it wasn't his doing.

Luckily, Ben quickly made sure that YOU were the one for him.

That led to him proposing to you with a promise ring a week later.

...

You said yes to that right away. No way were you letting that pass by you.

Of course, Audrey wasn't happy with that. But who cares, what could she do?

-You didn’t care. You were engaged and had much more pressing matters to attend to.

-Now the whole kingdom was just in your face about really anything and everything.

“when’s the wedding?!”

“How are you adjusting to life as the prince’s boyfriend??”

It was that constantly and it gets old quickly.

So you just focused on Ben and your friends. 

Evie insisted on designing yours and Ben’s wedding outfits. 

“I mean I won’t tell you no Evie.”

You had to remind everyone that it was only a promise ring and not an actual engagement ring. No one seemed to care.

Honestly with you two, it really was more of an engagement ring.

But that was for another day. Today was Jane's birthday.

Ben had some last minute work to finish so you went ahead of him.

"(M/N)! It's good to see you."

"Ben's on his way. He just had to finish something first. He's sorry for being late."

She waved you off. "No worries."

Then someone you hadn't expected showed up.

Audrey.

She was dressed differently and had maleficent staff.

That wasn't good.

Audrey laid her eyes on you and a wicked smile came over her face.

That REALLY wasn't good.

"Jane, go. Run!"

Jane nods and hightails it out of there.

Audrey starts to sing “Happy birthday” as waves of green smoke wash over the party area, all the guests falling into a cursed sleep.

You brace for an inevitable sleep... but it never comes.

Audrey stands before you, smile on her face.

“A sleeping curse is too good and too easy for you. I have other plans.”

She bangs the bottom of the staff on the ground and you’re surrounded by smoke.

Magic flows over you and when it clears... everything is bigger.

“Well aren’t you a pretty bird...” Audrey says before vanishing. 

You run to the edge of the lake and see that she turned you into a raven.

A raven. Of course she turned you into a raven, just like diaval.

Your first instinct is to panic. You're currently a bird when just five seconds ago you were human.

After calming down a bit you realize the next best thing to do is go after Ben.

Ben! If this is what Audrey did to you what would she have done to Ben!?

Without another thought you flap your new wings and try your best to fly.

It's not pretty at first but you figure it out and soon are flying to your future husband.

When you do reach Ben...it's not fun.

Audrey had changed him as well, but instead of a bird he was a beast. Just like his dad.

When you tried talking with him you hoped he would be like how his dad was as a beast...or at least as you had been told.

You figured you'd get to talk with him and figure out a way to stop Audrey.

Ben tried to eat you.

Apparently Audrey's curse made Ben an actual full beast and not just looking like one.

There was only one thing left to do...find help!

Finding help wasn't easy. Everyone was either asleep or turned to stone!

Fairy godmother? Stone. Belle and Adam? Asleep.

Luckily you found Mal and them, along with Uma, Gil and Harry.

Unluckily, they just thought you were a raven.

Harry kept shooing you and threatening to hit you with the hook.

Gil wanted to pet you. So that wasn’t too bad.

And the others either thought you were gross or just a dumb bird. 

Gil proves to have the braincell for the group when he suggested giving whatever made Dude the dog talk to you.

Mal did it to “make the conversation change”

"Finally! I've been trying to get your attention forever!"

They all go wide eyed when you're voice comes out of the bird.

 "Yes it's me. (M/N). Audrey turned me into a raven and I went to find Ben but she changed him into a beast! You gotta help me save Ben!"

 Of course, even though you were a bird, Ben is a king, your boyfriend and a beast right now. You were helping him first.

 "Oh and Gil...can you scratch my head again?"

What? It felt good.

 Then Jay, Harry, Gil and Carlos went with you to find your boyfriend.

You guys find beast ben and slowly try to get his attention.

He turns and stalks towards you all.

He looks as if he’s about to pounce when Jane pops out of the trees and sprays him with water.

Ben roars and stumbles back rubbing his face. He drops his hands and looks relatively normal.

“What did you hit him with, Jane?” Jay asks.

“Enchanted lake water. Breaks most enchantments. Figured it couldn't hurt.”

 You let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding.

 "Oh thank gods. I was so worried babe."

 Ben froze in place as he saw you talking.

"(M/N)?"

You flew over and landed on his shoulder.

"Hey Ben. Audrey got to me first. Thanks for not eating me earlier."

 Ben would then pet you.

 "I'm glad I didn't. That would be awkward...now how do we change you back? Jane?"

 "I kind of used the last of the water."

You look Ben up and down and he smiles at you.

“Gotta say Ben, I like the fangs and beard. Could be cleaner but...”

“Oh really?” Ben asks.

That when Harry whistles. “Sorry to break up that tender moment... but we have an angry Audrey to pursue...”

"Right! We'll have to figure something out later. I promise! I'll make sure to get you back" Ben said.

You knew he would. Ben always did.

 Returning to Evie's cottage, Uma seemed to be leaving in a mood.

Doug who had been asleep was now awake.

"Wait? How is he awake?"

"True love’s kiss."

You looked at Ben who looked back at you.

 "Why didn't we think of that?!" you said.

Ben rubbed the back of his head with a nervous look.

"Sorry."

“it’s alright. Lots happening. We’ll try later. First we deal with Audrey!”

Cue Audrey sealing you all in the cottage. 

Then mal and Uma break you guys out with some awesome cooperative magic.

You: “Aww you guys are friends again!”

Mal: “I’ll pluck your feathers...”

“Alright! Geez...”

Then everything with Mal came out.

 It made your heart break. Ben,Your boyfriend, your future husband, made a decision with Mal to not bring over any more VK's.

You couldn't believe it. You didn't want to accept it.

"So...you didn't even want to talk to me about this?" You said to him.

"I'm a VK Ben! You're wanting to stop any one else from getting the chance that I did? That's so wrong!"

 Now you really wish you had gotten that kiss earlier...cause this love didn't feel true anymore.

 Uma, Harry and Gil left...and so did you.

"I need to think."

"(M/N) wait!"

Did you leave on Gil’s shoulder, slumped against him? Yes yes you did.

It was all very confusing and pretty shocking.

While you understood where they were coming from... it... it just hurt. 

You all were back at the cottage, checking up on Dizzy and the twins. 

You were glad they weren’t awake to hear about all that. They had enough on their plates.

“So what do we do now?” You ask, walking on a table, everyone seated around it. 

Uma: “Nothing. Let Mal and Ben figure it out... they don’t deserve our help after that stunt.”

"I can't just sit by Uma. I'm mad...but not let Audrey go kind of mad. If anything I want just a bit of revenge."

Uma smirked at that.

"Good to know there's still a VK in there."

You extended your wings and fake bowed.

Eventually you all began heading back to the isle before Mal stopped you begging you all to help her.

"They were turned to stone. (M/N),Ben was turned to stone."

It didn't matter how hurt you were, you still loved Ben.

Without hesitation you hopped off Gil's shoulder and began flying back.

Arriving back at the cottage you saw them, Evie, Dude,Carlos, Jay and Ben...all statues.

You landed on Ben's out stretched stone arm.

"Oh Ben...What do I do?"

You sat there perched on Ben's arm, looking at his frozen face.

You regretted that the last thing you two did was fight.

Hopefully this would be fixed soon and you can apologize.

As if your wishes were answered. Ben and the rest were unfrozen and the people began waking up.

"Ben! Oh gods you're back! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry about how I left."

"(M/N). No I'm sorry. I should have asked you. I'm sorry I didn't."

With that Ben lifted his arm with you on it up and kissed your head.

In an instant you felt yourself changing and growing and soon you were back to being human.

You smiled and pulled Ben into a tight up.

"Forget waiting. Ben, I have no idea what's going to happen but I know I want to be with you. Let's get married."

He didn't disagree and your promise ring was now that engagement ring.

After making sure everyone was alright after everything that transpired you, Ben and Mal got to talking and came to a unanimous decision.

You all agreed it was time to take the barrier down and stop making the children of villains pay for their parents misdeeds.

You worked with the other VKs to make the process as fair and efficient as possible.

Ben pulled you away for a minute to hug you. 

“I know we’re still working on the rest of the VKs but I was thinking we could meet with Evie to talk about wedding stuff?”

“of course... we have a lot to plan... together.”

Evie was excited when you told her.

Ben and you also enjoyed the planning, especially the cake.

Your wedding was going to be amazing.

Dallas, but not THAT Dallas

All this talk of Louis saying H is a good wingman reminded me of this interview where Liam says the same. This is July 2012. THE Dallas (you know, famed Larry non-denial denial, Larry getting frisky and showing up red and sweaty at the signing, etc.). That was March 24, 2012

This is a few months later on July 17. For the record, I wish I could find a timeline for this week/month. I bet there's context of some stuff happening with Elounor and/or some other stunt. Something shitty was happening around Harry because this is definitely not his normal interview self.

If anyone knows, let me know and I'll update. I LOVE context because nothing happens in a vacuum.

This video only has 5K views after 8 years. Only 13 comments and just over 100 likes. Suffice to say it's not a highly viewed One Direction video. But it's worth watching. (Update: it's probably a reupload so hard to discern how many views).

Before I start with the play by play, just look at Harry's face. It might be the lighting in the room (which sucks,) but he looks like he has big dark circles under his eyes. Boy looks exhausted. Or like he got punched in the face. Liam is also in this vid and he doesn't look nearly as awful.

First, the DJ host (Adam Bomb--which. haha) starts with a game about personal questions. If Harry will answer a personal question he gets to pull a prize out of the bag. The question is...have you ever peed on a toilet seat. (Which, what? but whatever).

H answers that he has, but it was at home, and he cleaned it up. So, good boy. Because gross.

Liam comes over and gets in on the action. The DJ fumbles for whether or not it's Liam or Louis...makes me wonder if Louis sent Liam over. I don't know what's happening in the bigger space, but it seems like a bigger room where other things are going on.

Harry then pulls out the prizes. He gets to pick from a couple of caps, a couple of shirts, and a Dallas Cowboys foam hat. He ends up picking a shirt. He's pretty engaged, this seems like fun so far.

Liam gets a question next. He's asked about what body part he'd change and why. Liam says, "my forehead" because he wants to shave his head. Liam picks the foam hat.

Next it's about how hot it is in Dallas and who in the band sweats the most. Liam takes the fall for being sweaty.

Now things get interesting. They talk about how many proposals/propositions the guys get. At this point, Harry is picking at his lip and looking off to the side--there's definitely someone he's looking at. The DJ asks Harry how may girls ask Harry to marry him--he throws Niall under the bus and says Ni gets more. And then the DJ says that Liam told him that Harry was a good wingman. Liam proceeds to say that Harry set up him and his GF as well as Louis and Eleanor.

:(

At this point, Louis makes himself known. He's standing off to the side and pipes up to say "ooh controversial" when the DJ asks who has the least skills with the ladies. The camera swings around to show him. Someone off camera (Louis?) says Harry, and Liam chuckles and Harry agrees that he does, indeed, have the least skills. The DJ is shocked and says, no way, everyone wants to marry Harry.

Harry rejects the notion that he's good with ladies. Liam laughs and says it (the womanizer thing) is a con and says that Harry can do it for everyone else (as the wingman) but not for himself.

And then, Liam says, "he's a lonely old man."

And I swear, Harry, this lovely, kind boy closes his eyes for a beat of about three seconds, then blinks them wildly. His chin wobbles and he brushes something out of his eye with his index finger. I don't really want to do screen shots and I can't do gifs, but that moment starts at about 5:25. There is NO other explanation but that he is about to cry. He's tired and sad about something, and this comment just threw him over the edge. You must watch this video. I'm not sure any other 1D video breaks my heart as much as this one does.

When Liam realizes, he shuts up and hands the mic back and his face falls. I think he realized what his words did.

Harry recovers without breaking down, but his body language changes. He puts the arm not holding mic across his body and then then he blanks on a really easy question (what's the one song you love to perform?). He leans back and eventually gives an answer, but you can tell that this isn't fun anymore.

And then after all this crap, the DJ asks about pick up lines. I mean, what? I cannot, cannot believe they had to deal with this. Read the room, dude. The kid is upset.

Again, I don't have context. I don't know what else was happening this day. But as a mom, looking at that kid's face? He was upset and sad, and I hope someone gave him a hug and let him take a nap after this interview.

Update: Feb. 2, 2022

Tiny bit of context. I don't know that this is the same day (probably not because Louis' outfit is different), but I'd be willing to bet it's the same time frame, if not the same week. It appears that Harry is emotional as he emerges from the building with Eleanor and Louis right behind him. Update: I believe the pics below were from late June in Atlanta).

These pictures are the same day as the video directly above:

(credit to @rarepicslh on Twitter)

I think the pictures above were the same day as this interview in Atlanta in late June 2012.

what if Orca ate too much and Killer Croc rubs her belly?

Killer croc returned to his underground lair and rubbed his scaly stomach hungrily. It growled like an animal and left him grumbling for his own stomach to keep it down. But when he checked his fridge to his dread he saw the whole thing was picked clean.

"What the hell?!" Croc shouted.

He had a stocked fridge when he left how could it it be empty just like that?

Then he heard groaning from the other room and straight away got his answer.

There he found his girlfriend Orca sitting on the floor and caressing her massively stuffed tummy. Orca had eaten so much that her stomach looked like she was pregnant and expecting any second now. Her blubbery tummy was so huge that she had to sit on the floor with her back against the wall and her thighs spread out just to give it some room to breathe.

"Ey why'd ya eat everythin' in the fridge??" Killer Croc complained.

Orca groaned miserably. "Unnngh sorry Croc. Something got me feeling anxious again so I had to distract myself..."

"So ya settled on cleanin' me out?"

Orca hiccuped which made her huge belly jostle and slorsh. Not a good feeling right now. "...Unf couldn't help myself..."

The way her massive tummy groaned so loudly was enough to make even Killer Croc cringe almost as hard as Orca did. He'd certainly been there countless times in his life.

He decided to cut his girlfriend some slack so Croc sat down next to her and planted his rough scaly hands against her giant smooth tummy. Then in a surprisingly gentle way Killer croc began to rub Orca's massive tummy with a great deal of care. His hands delicately moved up the giant blubbery medicine ball of a tummy where his claws gently dug into the fat flesh.

Orca's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she moaned at the much needed tummy rub. For a monster so rigid Killer Croc knew how to be surprisingly tactile and docile with her.

"That feel good?" Croc asked.

Orca hummed through her chest and smiled pleasantly.

Killer Croc grinned and kept it up even when his own stomach rumbled.

Orca frowned guiltily when she heard Croc's scaly belly complaining. "Sorry I really should've left you something..."

"Ah it's cool. It's pretty late so I'll go back up t'the surface and find a mugger later."

Orca shrugged. At least Killer Croc would be getting a more filling meal that way. Then she continued to enjoy his soothing treatment over her tummy.

His scaly hand ran up and down the fatty side of Orca's massive stomach. He just kept rubbing it up and down occasionally rubbing upwards with his palm or gripping into Orca's blubber and kneading it to help it settle. Croc's hands traced over every bit of that giant whale belly and kneaded into it on top of rubbing away.

Orca sat there loving every second of it. Especially when Croc dug his claw into her very deep belly button. Croc kneaded into Orca's navel moving around circularly inside which got Orca moaning a little louder. Even when she was human her belly button was always extra delicate.

When Croc yanked his claw out of her belly button her whole chubby tummy wobbled around until Croc patted it heartily which caused it to slosh around and made Orca hiccup again.

"Man ya really know how to pack this stuff away don'tcha!" Croc admired.

"I stress-eat sometimes," Orca admitted with embarrassment. "I keep meaning to maintain better self control."

"Pssh self control's overrated," Killer Croc dismissed speaking from extensive gluttonous experience himself. "Besides ya look good with a belly on ya," Croc almost purred when he grabbed a hold of Orca's hefty blubbery tummy.

Orca blushed and scowled back in response. "Y-You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"Naw I'm serious," Croc insisted and looked down at that big plump tummy which he rubbed circles all over. "Ya look sexy as hell."

"...You're an idiot..." Orca said but the way her cheeks flared up hinted something else.

She didn't object when he continued stroking her tummy though. Her silky flesh felt so smooth to Croc even with his scales partially diluting everything he felt. Even he could feel the sleekness to it and how much softer it was when Orca was so unbelievably bloated. He couldn't help marvel at her girth as his hands roamed every bit of that hefty belly.

Killer Croc fondled her heavy underbelly gripping into her tummy and heaving her whole stomach up a little to just feel its weight in his arms. And the way he looked down at this massive tummy with this hungry look in his eyes was telling.

Maybe Killer Croc really did have a thing for tummies, especially Orca's tummy.

Orca also had to admit. Having her belly tended to by her big scaly boyfriend was doing something for her too.

It was enough to make her forget all about her troubles. At least until Killer Croc brought it back up.

"So what was buggin' ya anyway?" Croc asked while he rubbed.

Orca shifted a little. "You know me. I'm an anxious person."

"But ya usually ain't anxious fer nothin'."

"I don't know. I guess I was just thinking about the future. I've accepted this is who I am now but I don't know things like how it's going to affect my lifespan if I can have children or if it will affect my mind going forward."

"You've been this way fer years now though."

"Mutations do still occur and I never got a chance to read the fine print when they transformed me."

Killer Croc frowned. He'd changed a lot too when he grew up but for as much as he mutated he was still himself. "D'ya feel any different?"

"No?"

"Yer thoughts ever make ya think differently?"

"Well I didn't used to think humans tasted so good," Orca joked and rubbed her fat belly fondly patting it a few times too. "Besides my hunger and my new body though no. I guess not."

"I ain't smart bout nothin' but I know people well enough. I think the fact yer so nervous bout this sorta crap only means yer still you cuz ya always overthink crap. Comes with bein' a nerd right?"

"Scientists aren't nerds," Orca frowned.

Croc grinned teasingly. "C'mon ya could be playin' video games with me but instead yer always readin'? Yer the queen'uh nerds babe!"

"And you're an asshole."

Killer Croc laughed and nodded in agreement. Orca herself couldn't help laugh and shake her head. Croc wasn't the most sensitive of maneating monsters but he was surprisingly very good at listening and helping Orca get out of her own head sometimes. That was all she really needed sometimes and he never failed to give her that relief from her own anxieties.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

Croc smiled back at her and leaned up to kiss her on the lips.

Or at least he tried to until her huge belly gurgled heavily enough to actually make it ripple slightly.

Orca cringed and turned her head with a fist pushed against her mouth. She stifled a deep burp in her mouth that Killer croc could hear rumbling in her cheeks. Then Orca gripped the dead center of her chunky belly and muffled an even bigger burp that made her cheeks balloon out somewhat.

She blew the gas out from the corner of her mouth and blushed.

"Unnnnf excuse me. That was gross," Orca pardoned herself.

"Pssh ya forget who yer datin'?" Killer Croc teased. "Don't hold 'em in if yer feelin' gassy babe. That ain't gonna feel too hot fer yer gut."

Killer Croc leaned his heavy scaly torso against Orca's giant belly. The added weight of his body alone was causing the pressure to build but then he squeezed Orca's tummy firmly and forced that pressure right up her throat. Before she could stop herself Orca a huge echoing burp that rumbled throughout the tunnels.

BBBRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHP!!!!!!!!!

Croc grinned. "There ya go babe! Get it all out!"

Killer croc gripped the center of Orca's belly and pushed his hands deeply into the middle of her heavy tummy. Before Orca could tell Croc off she burped so hard that the ground felt like it was shaking!

HHUUUUUUUURRRRRAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOURRRHP!!!!!!!!!

Croc laughed heartily. "Damn! Ya been holdin' out on me haven'tcha!"

Orca panted heavily and waved her hand to get Croc to pause for a moment. Her blubbery tummy rose and fell heavily with her stunted breath. Orca's face was pretty red. She was never shy about burping at all even back when she was still human. But these days she usually only did that either if she was alone or if the only other person around was in her stomach.

She couldn't help be a little embarrassed by how loud they were. But she had to admit it felt so much better getting the gas out.

Whatever the case Orca puffed out her cheeks and blew in a weary sort of way. "Ungh push here," Orca instructed Killer croc pointing right around her belly button again. She felt that part of her stomach bubbling and making it feel even more tense.

"Grand finale time huh?" Croc grinned. Then he pushed his thumbs into Orca's belly button and pressed both hands right into the middle of her chunky gut. They actually sank into the blubbery belly fat and caused her whole stomach to churn.

The Orca's mouth parted with an absolutely colossal burp that was louder than any she'd ever let out and rumbled out of her tummy so long that Croc stopped counting the seconds.

AAAAAAAAAHHRRAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUURRRRAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOORRRRRHHHHUUUUUURRP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Orca panted so heavily she started drooling. She slumped back in a daze feeling absolute relief while her belly spilled out freely and bubbled much more softly.

Killer croc slapped his thigh with laughter. "GAHAHAHA!!! Holy shit babe! You'n I definitely gotta have ourselves a contest later!" He said childishly patting her tummy and making her hiccup again.

The relief she felt was so astronomical that Orca didn't even blush. She just smacked her lips and said, "I wouldn't want to embarrass you."

And in an uncharacteristic display of cockiness Orca thumped her chest and burped one last time to prove her point.

Doing this on a new post cause it was long

Thank you so much @thespiritoflife my Angel!! I was actually just thinking to myself yesterday that there has been a lack of tag games lately 😂

When is your birthday?

July 19!

What is your favorite color?

Blue will always be my favorite color, sometimes green alongside it

What’s your luck number?

I never really had one but I think it’s 18 now. Not a question but it’s funny, my unlucky number is 62, any download on any game or device etc, always gets stuck at 62

Do you have any pets?

Yes I do! 3 dogs and 4 cats

How tall are you?

I’m 5’5! Or more specifically 5’5 3/4

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I… own a lot. But it’s all goodwill finds so each pair was like $5-$10. I have work sneakers, “formal sneakers”, and Wish.com sneakers I bought for skateboarding. 3 different heels? And flip flops.

Favorite song?

Currently it’s Passerine by The Oh Hellos

Favorite movie?

Aside from LOTR? Disney’s Ferdinand the Bull

What would be your ideal partner?

Someone who is flexible energy wise. Wouldn’t mind going on crazy 2am adventures and suddenly bursts of energy. But also be able to vibe and just stay home and be lazy. Vibe in each other’s presence doing our own things. Also maybe little to no sex drive cause I uh.. no thank you 😅

Do you want children

Nope nada no thank you

Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Yes, no?? Mom and I got pulled over once cause we didn’t realize we didn’t have the headlights on cause the area was completely lit until we got onto the on-ramp. Officer was like “have you two been drinking?” Mom “oh god no- coffee!”

What color socks are you wearing right now?

Turquoise with a darker turquoise stripes

Bath or Shower?

Shower 100% baths only for fun little things

Favorite type of music?

Anything but rap and maybe not country. Grew up on it and I’m kinda sick and tired of it

How many pillows do you sleep with?

On my bed? I permanently have 4 pillows. One is a body pillow as the “support” since I don’t have a headboard. Two normal pillows side by side since I have a full size. And a decorative pillow

What position do you sleep in?

Anything that’s comfortable. Sometimes sleeping like a running position. Sometimes fetal position. Stomach, or back. Usually only sleep on back/stomach when my entire right leg hurts

What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

I have a forward tilt in my pelvic bone. So when I lay on my back, I don’t lay completely flat comfortably and it hurts

What do you have for breakfast?

Coffee lol. I have to wait 2-3 hours after waking up to eat or else I get sick. Blame it on waking at 7am everyday for school.

Have you ever tried archery?

Nope!

Favorite fruit?

Peaches, strawberries, watermelon, kiwi, banana, mango, oranges, pineapple… everything?

Favorite swear word?

I’ve been saying b*tch quite a bit lately.. but absolute favorite is biscuit, fiddlesticks, fudge, uhh. Anything that’s a fake swear word and funny to say

Do you have any scars?

I do! Not caused by any actual injuries but scars from having keratosis lol

Are you a good liar?

Depends if I rehearsed or if I’m scared if said person

What’s your personality type?

I don’t remember 😅

What’s your favorite type of girl?

all I guess? Everyone is unique in their own way

Left or Right handed?

Right handed

Favorite food?

Sushi absolutely 100%

Are you clean or messy?

I’m in the middle ground. There’s a few things here and there

Favorite foreign food?

Sticky Ginger Pork w/ Rice

How long does it take for you to get ready?

At most, 10 minutes. Brush my fingers through hair, change my pants and/or toss a jacket on. Deodorant, teeth. Done.

Most used phrase?

“Gog damn”

Are you a good singer?

No but I take pride in being able to sing fast parts of songs

Do you sing to yourself?

Not real songs. More just, whatever comes to mind. “Kitty cat you’re a kitty cat, meow meow meow meow meow, kitty cat, kit kit kitty cat”

Biggest fear?

Losing everyone

Do you like long or short hair?

On myself I like short hair better. But in general both are cute

Are you into gossips?

Only if it’s like, actual issues happening for a friend and they need to give the backstory

extrovert or introvert?

Introvert

Favorite school subject?

Forensic Science

What makes you nervous?

Everything

Who was your first real crush?

I’ve never had a real crush. It’s always just been. Oh he’s nice and not bad looking. 🤷‍♀️ it was almost like a demand in elementary and middle school to have crushes so I like.. had one but didn’t have one

How many piercings do you have?

Four! Two on each lobe

How fast can you run?

In general running, decent. It’s almost like just a jog. But if I really go at it. Holy frick the flash.

What makes you angry?

People who neglect their kids/pets. Granted I don’t like kids but I still understand that it’s not right. Toxicity, anyone who says to respect others but then goes ahead and hates others. Not genuine anger. It’s super hard to make me genuinely angry

Do you like your own name?

Meh. Not my favorite. The time I was born, the name Hannah was super popular and there was like 9 other Hannah’s in middle school. And I hated all of them cause they were stuck up and rude

What are your weaknesses?

Struggle to say no or express my feelings if I don’t want to do something. Honestly everything is a weakness, I’m mentally/emotionally stunted

What are you strengths?

Loyalty, silent loving by gift giving or quality time, uhh I always try to stay calm and kind even if it’s someone who annoys me

What is the color of your bed spread?

The sheets are pink with sprinkles and the blanket is a pretty dark navy blue.

What is the color of your bedroom?

Pure white aside from my bedroom door which is a gross pink tan, but I’m trying to paint it as a Minecraft door.

No pressure tag: @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse @moonmaidensdream @tolkien-fantasy @justfollowtheroad @riddlesia @idle-thyme @im-almost-me and anyone else

Got another cryptage prompt if you feel like writing 💕: there’s been quite a lot of Mirage taking care of Crypto, so I propose to you Crypto taking care of Mirage 👏🏻 Elliott is either sick or injured or just feeling particularly depressed and Tae helps comfort and help him. Does his best to cook Elliott some food, make sure he’s comfy and resting, tend his wounds/get him some tissues/cuddle him. Just crypto loving and taking extra care of his boyfriend when he needs it 🥺

Mirage deserves to be pampered as well. Crypto wouldn't mind. But thank you for the prompt!! I'll totally write this for you. 💞✨

--

Elliott Witt is a brilliant man. He could explain the intricacies of his holographic tech without issue, discuss other types of technology with an expert mind, and was capable of tricking his opponents with a well-placed decoy and hiding within the shadows.

Elliott Witt is also an idiot. He's nearly caught the entire kitchen on fire, broke Park's incredibly expensive laptop (he definitely paid for that in numerous ways) by tangling his legs in a blanket and falling on it, and his moments of stupidity are only doubled whenever he's on a team with Octavio, which causes issues aplenty with whoever they're paired up with (Park is usually the unlucky third member, and he always ends up just on the verge of hitting them with a rock).

Perhaps that is why Elliott had ended up where he currently is, put on temporary bedrest due to a broken ankle, a sprained wrist, a couple broken ribs, and a minor concussion.

Octavio had been trying a new stunt out just outside the drop ship. Ajay had yelled at him not to, but the daredevil didn't appear to care any. The stunt consisted of avoiding an arc star whilst riding a grocery kart through a ring of fire as he was holding a watermelon. Frankly, absolutely no one understood why he was doing that—just that he was doing that.

Surprisingly enough, though, it all appeared to be going as planned, the jump performed almost flawlessly and the arc star avoided without much issue with the watermelon still intact. Octavio just hadn't thought about Park and Elliott coming home early from grocery shopping.

The look on Park's face when Octavio collided with Elliott at such high speeds was enough to rival a man who just witnessed a bomb go off in a hospital.

Elliott couldn't quite remember everything that happened. He remembered Park kneeled over him, trying to keep him from falling unconscious. He had no idea where Octavio was, what happened to him, just that he was in a lot of pain and that, for some reason, Park looked a lot like an angel, haloed by the sun above him. It was definitely the image he wanted to die to.

He was still unsure if he fell unconscious or if he just didn't remember anything, but he definitely remembers waking up in the hospital wing, Octavio laughing beside him as Ajay angrily scolded him for being irresponsible. It was all fun and games until someone actually got hurt—and someone innocent at that.

Park had been at his bedside, watching as the two argued, but he immediately moved to look at his boyfriend when he woke up. He looked relieved, asking if he was okay, the typical worried boyfriend things.

Taking up a bed in the medical bay didn't suit the trickster, so he was very carefully moved to his room, where he could get rest and ease the anxiety he felt being around so many needles and beeping machines.

The trickster was laid out in his bed, watching TV. There wasn't anything interesting on, so he wasn't exactly retaining any actual information provided on the screen. There was a strange aspect of the whole thing that felt… lonely, like he was forcefully isolated. He got visitors (everyone signed his cast—well, except Revenant, Alexander, and Park), but he still felt all alone in his room, nothing to keep him company aside from his merchandise.

Company soon walked in his room in the form of his boyfriend, the man carrying a few bags that contained whatever he purchased from the store, sporting a tank top and slacks that gave him a lazy but cute look. Elliott preferred tank tops on his lover: it was easier to hug him without a big jacket on; plus, he had cute arms.

"Hey, sugar smack," Elliott greeted, trying to shift into a sitting position without causing pain. The grunt and grimace of discomfort was enough of an indicator that it didn't go too well. "Ow. Okay, not trying that again. Uh, whatcha got there?"

"Try to sit still. You won't get any better moving like that." Park set the bags on the floor beside the other's bed, sitting on the edge himself. "Here," he then said, rustling through the bags, "you haven't eaten today, so I brought you stuff."

"'Stuff,' huh? What kinda stuff?"

"Food stuff."

"… Not butt stu—?"

Park smacked a hand over Elliott's mouth, letting out a sigh. "No. You have broken bones and a sprained wrist and you still think about that?"

Elliott gently pried Park's hand away from his mouth with his good one, sporting that usual charming smile of his. "When am I ever not? But, for real, whatcha got, shortcake?"

Rolling his eyes, the hacker slipped his hand out of the trickster's and returned to the bags. A vine of washed black grapes was produced, followed by a bottle of chocolate milk that had Elliott feeling better already.

"Oh shit. Choccy milk."

"… Yes. Choccy milk."

He set the bottle on the nightstand, holding the grapes up and plucking one from the vine. Before Elliott could reach out to accept it, the hacker surprised him by gently pressing it against his lips. There was a notable look of surprise on the trickster's face, eyes widened with brows raised ever-so-slightly.

Meanwhile, Park's face was growing more and more like a tomato, his usual look of sheepishness creeping onto his features. Initiating romantic gestures wasn't the hacker's forte, lacking any real knowledge on how exactly to do it without looking like a bumbling idiot, but every effort was enough for Elliott. It made him smile, even when the other messed it up completely. He wasn't perfect, as much as Park wishes he was, but it never mattered to him.

Right now, all that mattered was indulging in this sweet gesture provided, opening his mouth up to invite the berry inside. Before he bit into it, he decided to tease the other a bit by nipping on one of the synthetic fingers belonging to his lover. As expected, he pulled away almost instantaneously, face scarlet and glaring at the amused trickster.

"You're gross."

"Mmhm."

"And you're weird."

"Yup."

"… You're the worst."

Elliott chuckled, chewing on the grape with satisfaction drawn all across his visage. "You're so cute."

"Eat your grapes, you idiot."

For a little while longer, Park fed the other, Elliott eating up the attention (and food) without complaint, content to not have to lift a finger. He also drank a bit of the provided chocolate milk, but Park hadn't helped him drink it, probably because Elliott can only see that ending with it being poured all over his shirt.

After the small snack, the hacker leaned over Elliott's prone form, hands reaching up to gently cup his cheeks, and pressed a small kiss to his forehead, the trickster relishing in the affectionate contact so rarely given by his shy lover. It was always enough to make him smile.

"Gibraltar was making lunch for everyone," Park said once he moved to press his forehead against Elliott's, thumbs gently rubbing against his cheekbones. "I'll grab you something from the kitchen, okay?"

"Make sure you grab something for yourself, baby." Elliott's hand moved to gingerly wrap around Park's waist, his own lips pressing a kiss to the other's nose. "Just 'cause you're watching after me doesn't mean you shouldn't watch after yourself."

"I will."

"Good! 'Cause, if you don't, I'll get out of this bed and throw you back in the kitchen until you eat something."

"And hurt yourself more?" Park scoffed in amusement before finally detaching from the holographic expert, rising from the bed. "I'll be back in a moment."

"Be back quicker. I already miss you." A dramatic arm laid over Elliott's forehead, head tilting back slightly and expression displaying a faux sorrow. "It's so lonely here without you, my love."

"Whatever you say."

Elliott watched as the surveillance expert left the room, leaving him to relax in his mattress and enjoy the rest of his chocolate milk.

It took awhile for Elliott's injuries to fully heal, for his wounds to mend, but, the entire time, Park was at his bedside, providing food, company, and whatever care requested of him. Once he was healed and feeling better, however, Park had immediately offered to go out on a date (he never invited the man out for dates!) with the other, his voice, and Elliott, not one to pass up such excellent opportunities, requested the movies.

It wasn't a perfect date by any means, since Elliott accidentally walked into a glass door that caused his nose to bleed, but Park was there, tissue in hand, and holding back his chuckles Elliott wouldn't trade the man for anything in the world; he's probably the only person alive who'd deal with him for as long as he has and still nurture an injured nose as well.

"Y'know, I think you're actually an angel," the trickster had said with his head tilted back, feeling the other's half-synthetic hand run through his hair, the other holding a napkin to his nose and applying pressure.

"Mm. Am I now? I think I'm just used to your moronic tendencies."

"All right, jerk. See if I'll ever take care of your bloody nose."

"You won't have to, because I'm not stupid enough to walk into glass doors."

"Ouch, babe. My pride."

Ozmafia Thoughts

I posted a whole thing on my main but now that I’m using this blog for all things otome, I figured I would try to organize my thoughts because i have so many thoughts.

This is not spoiler free! But I try to label some of the major spoilers.

Caramia

Caramia is the don of the oz family, and it’s his duty to protect his territory, the people who live in his territory, and to sign papers for stuff? Man’s is always signing papers for mafia reasons :) I knew from the start that he would be my favourite. I just love a guy who’s nice. Call me basic, but I just love a man who wants me to be happy and takes cares of me? I love feeling like someone cares about me! He’s also a great cook, and who doesn’t love delicious food? Idk how to explain how I feel about caramia, I liked his personality but I didn’t love his story? I really felt like there was some distance between Caramia and Fuka, like he was in a whole nother world from her. Which you do get to chose whether she’s happy he’s in charge or like she feels lonely. I did however really liked his transfer routes. I did the axel to caramia transfer first, and I felt like it wasnt clear that they slept together, but after I did caramia to axel and I got hit with that axel CG! Anyways, I liked the transfer routes.

Kyrie

I knew I would hate this guy so much. I’m just not interested in a guy who’s a fucking tease. Like he openly admits that he likes it when you’re upset. Like I do not want that TYVM. I found him kinda tolerable in his transfer routes however, probably because he does have to try and make Fuka happy in order to get Fuka to break up with her boyfriend. He really said break up with your bf i’m bored! Also I felt it was kinda weird that he was paying for Fuka’s br*th*l visits. I think its kinda weird that he introduced her to it, and was like encouraging it. ESPECIALLY*** (major super duper spoiler here what will be censored lol) if he thought she was *****

I saw some people argue that he might not actually love fuka, but I think that one transfer route ending, kinda shows that he really does love her IYKYK. but i’m so sus about that ending where he becomes a dumbass, i really think this bitch is faking it! I do not believe him for a second!

Axel

I quite like Axel. I personally don’t mind when a guy is at this level of over protectiveness. Plus as I have mentioned, i just love it when a cold guy is soft for you. I absolutely adore that shit (like when he ask Fuka to treat him as an equal and drop the honorifics? that shit gets me T_T)  He also gets extremely jealous very easily, which becomes an area of conflict for him and Fuka and it is up to you whether you wanna forgive him or move onto another guy. Personally, I would forgive him. I would talk to him about it! But I could understand being in your first relationship and not being able to handle your emotions. I think Axel is quite sweet, and he just wants the best for fuka, which is cute.

Scarlet 

IDK how I feel about Scarlet, specifically the part where he straight up states he’s a minor! Like what’s up with that? Why couldn’t he be older? However, I did really enjoy his route. It’s super cute and slow burn-y and nothing romantic actually happens probably because he is a minor. Scarlet is kind, resourceful, caring lol. We always love a guy who’s trying his best to keep the peace among everyone, while still providing for his family.

His route also has a bit of plot. It shows what hamelin was like prior to a specific event that you learn about in robin hood. I dont have a specific order that I think this game should be played but it might be interesting to maybe play scarlet’s route after robin hood.

Caesar

As I’ve said before, I don’t mind a man who’s trynna kill me. Idk what’s up with that LOL. Well maybe I like how you can see them change from wanting to kill you to not...wanting to kill you. One thing I remember liking about Caesar was that he usually called you a woman, as opposed to a girl. Which made me feel a lot better, will elaborate more on that later. I think even though he stayed harsh to her the whole time, I liked how you could see he was slowly falling/becoming whipped for fuka. Like the comedy of him wearing that dumb cloak so y’all could watch the stars together. Or like him working at Soh’s restaurant because he had to earn the money, and not just take Soh’s money. Like I loved that! Plus the ending where he isn’t accepted but he keeps pulling dumb stunts just to see you is v cute lol.

Soh

Idk how to talk about Soh without major spoilers. Soh is so sweet. I like how he’s always striking up conversations with Fuka in all the routes, which is probably good for her, considering almost everyone else is pretty wary of her existence. I honestly liked his route and I guess that's all I can say.

*big spoilers* I know most people don’t like Soh, cause he’s the reason for all things bad LOL. Yes he’s using/deceiving Fuka the whole time, but its not like he drugged Fuka or kept Fuka captive lol. Like most of the time he’s trying to keep her safe, and trynna make her happy, even if its probably so he could gain her trust or something. I also feel like his route was kinda him giving up his grand plan, and wanting to run away and be happy with Fuka, which obviously doesnt happen. Idk i liked that he ultimately treated her right.

Pashet

What’s up with otome games giving you a girl option but not the option to actually romance the girl? Her route was fine, and the friendship that builds between Fuka and her is fine. Sorry that’s a little salty lol. I actually thought this route was really cute. I have my reservations about Fuka being in romantic relationships, so it actually was kinda nice to see her make an actual friend without catching feels. Female friendships are absolutely underrated and I’m glad Fuka was actually able to make a friend who is looking out for her best interest.

Hamelin

I usually try not to use kiss cgs but this is the only couple cg and I like using couple cgs. So sorry if this is spoiler-y to you. But how do I feel about Hamelin... you know what I very much liked him. His route is so short and it’s kinda a secret ending. In that sense his route is a little unsatisfying. It’s kinda unclear how Fuka could love him in that short amount of time... but she does. Hamelin is hard to describe because he’s so different in all the other routes. He’s kinda the main villain in most of the routes, aside from his own. You get to see a little bit more of his personality in Scarlet’s route. I genuinely think he is a good guy, and was trying his best! That’s all you can really ask of anyone right?

*slight spoiler* I’m so sad he didn’t get a redemption? You find out why he did the things that he did, and he just... doesn’t get anything? He like doesn't even appear? Just gone into the abyss. I wish Fuka and him could have gotten a happier ending, since their ending isn’t really... happy

Dr Crow

I do not like Robin Hood. Isn’t Robin Hood about stealing from the rich? Like... why is this man treating everyone the same? Why is this man even apart of the upper class? Okay to keep this brief and spoiler free lol. Dr. Crow here is the town’s doctor. He treats everyone the same regardless of what family they are from. In his eyes you are his patient and his goal is to heal you. He’s quite elegant and seems really dependable and then he hits you with some REDACTED

*spoiler & TW for drugging* Fuck this guy. I think what’s worse is that he did not have to drug fuka, she would have gone along with whatever he wanted probably. I’m guessing he did it so she would be in deep sleep. But still, ew gross. How you gonna love your wife and do that. This man is out for revenge and I dont like it.

Manboy/Dorian/Alfani

I barely like Manboy. Honestly I never heard of Dorian Gray before playing this so I was v confused (and if you heard of it then you probably will be more prepared than I was). I actually played this route really early on because i thought it might be funny. It is in fact not at all funny and I was not okay after finishing it. I am a little glad I got it out of the way though, if I left this for like last I would have been v upset and it probably would have ruined the game for me lol. I do kinda wanna replay the route now that I know about Dorian but idk.. i still hate this route so idk if I really will.

If you don’t know anything like me, this is the br*thel route. Manboy works there more as like a receptionist? Dorian Gray is the ringleader, and there’s Alfani who’s the male escort. Feel free to wikipedia Dorian Gray before trying this route. Not to spoil the story but TW you also get drugged in this route too.

Overall Thoughts

I feel lukewarm about ozmafia. In one aspect I like how each route was different and how the different endings actually like split off. I also enjoyed how there wasn’t necessarily a good ending and a bad ending, they were just different endings. Obviously in some routes, one ending is better than the other, and also in others neither endings are great lol. I also quite enjoyed the transfer routes, it felt different, innovative, like ozmafia really tried something there! And the replay ability, the game adds extra scenes that provide more insight towards what the love interest is thinking, which makes replaying to get the other endings very enjoyable. There also an extra scene before each ending, so you could also replay the same ending too. I really went into ozmafia with like zero expectations, and i was both surprised and underwhelmed? I dont think thats the right word.

*MAJOR SPOILERS* There’s this really great video essay called born sexy yesterday, that really explains why I felt slightly uneasy about the whole story. If you think about it Fuka has amnesia, she’s mentally a child but here she in engaging in adult activities with grown ass men ._. and I know I said I liked the transfer routes, but that was before I found out that Fuka is literally a 10 year old in an “adult” body. LIKE WHEN I SAW DOROTHY I WAS LIKE WHO TF LET THIS INFANT READ DORIAN GRAY? Anyways the fact that dorothy is literally like 10 years old, did not sit well with me. Yknow this story is about wizard of oz, so I did have a feeling Fuka was dorthy, BUT WHEN ISAW HER SPRITE, girl i had to look up dorthy’s age and apparently shes somewhere between 8 and 12. So, throughout the game it was a bit uncomfortable because I did feel like Fuka was mentally a child but I kinda justified it as well she lost her memories, so she’s a blank slate like a child, maybe she’ll mature up with memories but uhhh, that’s just not going to happen.

So there are my thoughts. I thought Ozmafia was really different from other otome games because of how each character got their own story, and the transfer routes felt so innovative, as well as adding the extra scenes in the second playthrough! But there’s some bad born sexy yesterday vibes that make me not okay with it. I would recommend the game though. There’s so much content, it took me like a week to finish it all. Plus the art is quite nice.

“Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together.” with reddie (duh) maybe including said friends trying to get them together repeatedly???

It was a warm sunny day in Derry Maine. The birds were chirping, kids were riding their bicycles, and Richie and Eddie were shoved in a closet together; a place neither of them had been since Junior year.

When they’d decided to come out at the same time, previously only having confided in one another about their sexuality, the response from their group was explosive.

The entire Losers Club seemed unanimous on the idea that Richie and Eddie were perfect for each other, and now that it was confirmed that they were both into guys, there was no reason for them not to get together.

Despite Eddie groaning every time it got brought up, and Richie wiggling his eyebrows so suggestively they threatened to jump right off his forehead, the Losers didn’t quit their mission to get their friends together.

It had been four years now, and those four years had consisted of multiple attempts to get Eddie and Richie alone in the most romantic or compromising situations possible.

There were more innocent occurrences, like when the Losers would plan a movie night and then all coincidentally cancel last minute, leaving Richie and Eddie to go the night alone. Those were the times that were easy to laugh through, when the pair would stuff their faces with popcorn and rag on their friends all night, laughing into the early morning before passing out together on the couch.

But there were also moments that stirred things low in their bellies, feelings that neither of them were ready to acknowledge. The time the Losers all went skinny dipping together up at Ben’s cottage, and then stole Richie and Eddie’s clothes when they weren’t looking. They had to walk back to the cottage nude and alone, averting their travelling gazes and suppressing their urges.

The more time passed, the more fed-up the Losers seemed to get with Richie and Eddie’s untouched chemistry. Finally, they had decided that this summer would be the summer that they finally got these two idiots to confess their feelings.

That’s when the bets began being placed. Bill and Ben, the hopeless romantics of the group, had put their money down for the first month of summer, insisting that June would be the winner. Mike was alone in bidding for the second month, hoping that his 4th of July party would be the tipping point. Finally, Bev and Stan placed their money on August, pessimistic that their friends would pull their heads out of their asses any sooner.

Well, June and July had gone by in a flurry of disappointment, which lead to Bev and Stan putting together a plan of action.

The invitation to Stan’s house was presumably innocent. Stan had invited Richie and Eddie over to help him and Beverly bake a cake for Mike’s upcoming birthday. Richie didn’t know what knowledge he had to offer on baking, but he wasn’t about to turn down the opportunity to lick batter off a spoon. Eddie, on the other hand, had about as much talent in his pinkie as the rest of the losers had combined.

The afternoon had gone according to plan, Eddie took charge of delegating tasks, getting feisty when Beverly started a flour fight instead of concentrating, and scrunching his nose up as Richie licked a spoon clean while holding unwavering eye contact with him.

Unfortunately, what Eddie and Richie didn’t know, was that Bev and Stan’s plan was also going accordingly, landing Richie and Eddie in Stan’s small walk in closet as they looked for clothes to change into, their own now covered in flour (thank you, Beverly).

“Just pick whatever fits.” Stan offered.

“You’re a beanstalk, nothing is going to fit.” Eddie grumbled, looking through a rack of button ups.

“Hey, do not insult our kind just because you’re too short to-”

“I will never be ‘your kind’, Richie.” Stan interrupted.

“That’s right, because I’m one of a kind!”

“No one’s arguing that.” Eddie mumbled sarcastically under his breath.

“Bold words from someone who’s tiny enough to be Stuart Little’s stunt double.”

As the pair continued their quarrel, Stan slowly backed up out of the closet. He gave Beverly a nod, and then the next few seconds were filled with commotion.

Stan slammed the closet doors shut as Beverly swooped in with a chair, propping it between the door handles and the floor to effectively cage the two boys inside. Protests could be heard but Stan and Beverly began speaking over it.

“You two can come out when you’re done denying the inevitable.” Beverly stated.

“We gave you all summer but apparently you’re both too stubborn to make a move.”

“We’ve got fifty dollars riding on this, don’t let us down!” Beverly added, before retreating to the living room with Stan.

Richie and Eddie glared at the door, their irritation palatable in the tiny space.

“Well, apparently all our friends have a bet going that we’ll end up together.” Eddie stated irately, turning to face Richie.

“Those greedy little bastards will bet on anything.” Richie sighed, not too surprised to find that there was now money on this... thing the Losers had been trying to make happen for years.

Eddie let his arms drop from where they’d been crossed against his chest. He dragged his feet over to the back of the closet and slid down the wall, sitting on the carpeted ground with a thud.

“Do you think they’ll ever give this up?” He asked, nibbling on the sleeve of his sweater.

Richie took to rifling through Stan’s clothes, determined to fuck things up for him as much as possible for as long as he kept them locked in here.

“Probably not.” Richie shrugged. He began grabbing random items and misplacing them, knowing that Stan had a strict way of organizing his closet that he never let anyone disrupt.

“Maybe we should just...” Eddie sighed, letting his head bump against the wall. “I don’t know, lie? Say we’re dating to get them off our back?”

“Stan would see right through it. He’s like a bloodhound, except he smells deceit.”

Eddie watched as Richie mixed Stan’s linens with his cottons, and then began turning every single one of his sweaters inside out before hanging them back up.

“Stan is going to kill you.” Eddie commented.

“Not as much as I’m gonna kill him once he opens that door.”

Eddie stayed silent. He knew how much they both hated their friends’ antics, but at some point, Eddie had sort of started to enjoy these moments too.

Spending time alone with Richie was always way more fun than spending time with any of the other Losers. Even though the taller boy got on his nerves to no end, he always had a good time when he was around.

“Would it be so bad?” Eddie thought aloud.

Richie gave a little hum, indicating he was listening but not following.

“If we, like, got together.”

Richie froze in the middle of unlacing a pair of Stan’s shoes, a pile of laces already collecting beside him.

“Uh... do you think it’d be bad?” Richie asked hesitantly.

“You’re avoiding the question.” Eddie said. “You can be harsh, you won’t hurt my feelings.”

Richie twiddled with the string in his hands, pretending to be too preoccupied to look up.

“Honestly? I don’t know, Eds. I love the way we are. I don’t want anything to change.” Richie admitted.

Eddie had heard those words before, echoing around in his mind from his own thoughts. Richie was his best friend, and he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize their relationship.

“Wouldn��t it be weird, anyway?” Richie asked as he began tying all of the shoelaces together in one long train.

“I mean, I don’t know. Don’t we pretty much already act like a couple, by everyone’s else’s standards?”

Richie nodded minutely. “I guess.”

“All that would really change is...” Eddie cut himself off before his words could thicken the atmosphere.

“I’d be rocking your world every night?” Richie supplied with a smirk.

Eddie threw him an unimpressed look, cutting it short to look away and hide the blush on his cheeks.

“Well, as fun as this game of ‘capture the Reddie’ has been, it’s getting a bit old. So if you ever feel like taking a ride on Richie, just let me know.”

Eddie’s face scrunched up in disgust.

“Gross.”

“Hey, you’re the one suggesting we get together.” Richie defended.

Eddie’s face flared up again, the red dusting his cheeks nearly imperceptible in the low lighting of the closet.

“Whatever. I take it back.”

“Nu-uh, no take-backs.” Richie stated proudly, using the long connection of shoelaces as a makeshift scarf and draping it around Eddie’s neck, using the ends to pull him closer.

“You want to love on me.” Richie singsonged.

“Shut up, Richie.”

“Frankly, I don’t blame you. I’m a looker. My mom says I could be a model. Your mom says I could be a playboy model.”

“Richie, I swear to god-”

“It’s not your fault you’re attracted to me, really, you’re only human.”

“If you don’t stop talking-”

“There’s a reason I’m the eye candy of the group.”

Eddie, now mere inches from Richie’s blabbering mouth thanks to the maneuvering from the shoelace scarf, did the only thing he could think of to shut him up.

Richie let out a startled yip as Eddie crashing their lips together, his eyes squeezed shut as Richie’s widened.

It took a moment, one long agonizing moment of hesitation, before Richie was pushing back into the kiss.

Their lips moved together easily, soft and pliant against one another, flavored with a faint taste of peppermint chapstick.

The kiss wasn’t deep. It didn’t last uncharacteristically long, nor did it ween off into other activities. It just, was. And once it wasn’t, Richie and Eddie both felt a distinct loss in their chests that felt both familiar and unfamiliar all at once.

It was the same feeling they got every time they had to part ways to go home for dinner. The same feeling they got when one of them left for vacation. The same feeling they got when they arrived at school, eager to see the other, only to find out they were home sick.

It was the feeling of loss when your other half wasn’t with you. And now that they’d kissed, anything less felt like a loss.

They reconnected within an instant, surging towards each other with renewed fervor. This time the kiss became more, became heavy, became wanting. It was an acknowledgement of years of repressed feelings, an apology for all the time lost, and a promise to never revert back.

Eddie let Richie pull him into his chest, falling backwards so they laid together in a heap of grasping hands. Richie’s fingers threaded through Eddie’s hair, Eddie’s hands clambered at Richie’s chest, their mouths became open caves as tongues explored new ground.

There’s no way of knowing how long they stayed like that before the doors to the closet reopened.

Eddie lifted his head, squinting as his eyes got used to the natural light coming in from Stan’s window. Richie stayed laying on the ground, tilting his head back and being greeted by an upside down Beverly.

“Stan! We made fifty bucks!” Beverly yelled excitedly into the hallway.

Eddie and Richie untangled themselves from each other, standing up slowly as their minds struggled to catch up to the real world.

“No way, they actually did it!?” Stan barreled into the room, observing the pair as they exited the closet, noticeably disheveled.

“You guys better not have had sex in there.” He added as an after thought.

Richie sighed, grabbed his art piece from around Eddie’s neck and balling it up before tucking the connected shoelaces into Stan’s shirt pocket, patting it lightly.“Thanks for the chill time, Stan the man.”

Stan and Bev stared after them quizzically as they left the room.

They were halfway down the hallway when Stan discovered the state of his closet.

“WHAT THE FUCK, RICHARD!?”

With hands interlocked, and matching giggling grins, they booked it out of Stan’s house.

What you said about jerklie is totally legit but like, i still don't get a few things (sorry if I'm bothering you but I'm a really weak kaylor at the moment): 1. the book they published about his family, why did the author push the stunt? 2. why didn't j*sh choose a jewish girl? And why so young when he was almost 30? 3. the conversion. lying about converting is gross and disrespectful

You're not bothering me, no worries.

I have my own opinion that the answer to all of these questions is similar. They were never supposed to be married and it wasn't supposed to last so long, so things along the way were used to help explain why that was the case.

1. The book - I don't know about this either. But one thing is certain, the author wanted to (rightfully) paint this family in a bad light. Another thing I believe, is that they take the level of this fake relationship farther than others. So whereas Taylor wouldn't actually pretend she's with Joe to her private personal life, I think Karlie and Josh do. Not to their close friends, but by all intents and purposes, they might actually pose as an actual couple. So some people who work for them, for example, may think they're actually together. Or his slimy extended family members may think the same. If he really does need this straight image for his backward, conservative business dealings and family members, then this relationship isn't just for the public, it's for his personal dealings.

So then the sources of this book probably didn't know it wasn't real, or didn't have any proof or grounds to say it's not. I imagine his parents know, but maybe it's easy for them to tell their circle "the girl isn't Jewish, so we have no time for her. She's an underwear model, imagine that" and then no one has to talk about why she's not around, or why he wasn't getting married to her. You aren't going to want everyone to know it's a contractual relationship, so you'd explain it away however you could. Plus, I really doubt that the book would say that the sources believed Josh to be gay even if that was the case, you just don't put something like that in writing and it would distract from the main issues at hand - that his family is dirty and evil.

The idea of his parents being villainous opposers to his relationship is definitely fitting of the evil picture the book paints on this family.

A lot of people (not even in the Kaylor world) suggest that Jared and Ivanka aren't a genuine couple either. That they have a marriage of convenience, and if you believe the book to be true - that they've set themselves out to become a self-made American prince and princess duo (🤮). So the marriage of convenience bit fits. Two crooked, "wealthy" families tied together, fucking up real estate all over the east coast. Sounds romantic doesn't it.

In these circles of money and corruption, marrying strictly for love isn't the goal. Creating more connections and finding someone suitable to pass along the family genes are more important.

So for the Kushners, they would want Josh to fake a relationship if it's going to suit their needs. They don't care if it's real or fake - just give us Jewish grandchildren and an appropriate woman to help you run your "empire". So I think the comments and feelings they had toward Karlie were real - she was not appropriate for their goal.

All that is to say, that when his parents said he was making a mistake by being with her, they were actually being serious, whether "being with her" means a loving, genuine couple or not.

2. Josh probably should have chose a Jewish girl, but didn't. I think whatever he was going for at the time, a permanent future wife wasn't it. I have no idea how their connection was made. While Josh is certainly no saint, I do get the feeling he's a bit more independent than Jared. And that's usually how it goes for the second born in these situations. Jared would have been groomed longer to become who they wanted him to be, so Josh probably acts along but isn't the first call for the parents, per se. I think he values the public liberal celebrity side more than his family, and I do think he and Karlie have a good rapport, which is why he's probably continued this show with her. I also think if he was looking for a fake wife, that the Trump connection probably wouldn't have done him any favours to find a new candidate, so keeping Karlie in was probably the best option for him.

I think he didn't want a Jewish girl, because he didn't want to originally get married. He wanted that pressure set aside so he ruled it out by dating a girl who had that big strike against her. He clearly wanted a beautiful, young woman with connections to the entertainment world, to raise his awareness in the public and to impress the business people he was associating with. But plans changed along the way.

The age factor is the same as above. She was young, so he didn't have to worry about marriage pressures right away, and could explain it away that she was too young.

Also she was young, which meant her modeling career still had a large roof of opportunity, which was probably again, strategic.

3. Why did she convert ? I don't know, anon, but that is so disappointing to me. That's just a whole other level of inappropriate, and doesn't sit well with my impression of Karlie.

Going back to that book again, they said that they had broke up for a period in 2018 and then Josh came back talking about marriage and here we are. That the family finally decided to hesitantly accept her. Which I feel is again, just the narrative they've given to their circles. They really didn't want him to marry this Victoria Secret model gentile, but if he was really insisting and had to do it for whatever reasons was happening in his life, then they decided to just go with it ? but ONLY if she was at least Jewish ? I don't know, I feel like they never would have been okay with it if she didn't play the conversion game. It's really gross and disappointing altogether though.

I also find it interesting that he runs in Ashton Kutcher's investment circles, because Ashton converted to Judaism some time ago, and was not brought up Jewish.

Now have I painted myself quite the fanfic here ? Maybe lol. But these are just some ideas I have, because nothing about the situation makes sense.

ANOTHER personal post bc I deleted my facebook since no one reads that shit anyway and I need to let it out somewhere so THERE

I am…deeply damaged, by many things, but especially by my first “real” fandom???

Like, yea, I was hardcore into like Sailor Moon and Pokemon and Britney and shit as a kid, but that doesn’t really count for me. The first real fandom to me, was the first one I really spent my own money on, on merch, concerts etc. The one I was pushed into bc a “friend” tried to use it to exclude me from her talks with her best friend, so I had to learn it all v quickly to keep up with them and not be excluded every. single. time we spent time together. Her friend was cool with me and just focussed on topics we could all talk about or would explain things I didn’t get, but the other one, wow.

And now that I’m saying it, I realise how much deeper it goes than i realised.

I learned all that cryptic shit about the band within days and learned every song, which album it’s on, downloaded a whole bunch of pictures and forced myself to become obsessed within a week or less, just so I could join their talks. Of course that didn’t help me, because she only became annoyed with that and ended up mocking me for being too obsessed and all kinds of shit, or would change the topic to another thing I wasn’t involved in, like their shared trip to Paris, which I would never be able to catch up on.

And nowadays, I sill have a habit of forcing myself to “learn” fandoms in days and after 24-36 hours of obsessing (sometimes with a little pre-game/getting to know phase these days though) I just become so fuckin burned out I cannot enjoy it for at least another full day, sometimes a week or anywhere in between. It sucks.

But the whole situation, having been forced into it only to be ridiculed again, ended up pushing me even deeper into that fandom, because I guess, in the beginning, I thought if I love it enough, it will get me accepted as a real fan, but of course things only got worse. More people thought i had lost it for being that obsessed with the band, having no other topic anymore. On the other hand, the band had all these messages of their fans being their family and connection and whatnot. The kind of bullshit that a teenager with abuse at home and angry/overworked/stressed/… parents with no time for anyone would absolutely run into to feel a little taste of family and comfort.

It completely spiralled out of control. I was existing only for that stupid fucking band. I was existing entirely online and for the times I could go back online to talk in chat groups and message boards and whatever the fuck it was we had back then, to talk to other fans, some of whom actually became my friends, and stalk the shit out of that band. Any and every update had to be documented and I had to know it. Every picture, no matter how intimate. The shit I had found out about the band in the end was unhealthy! Pictures buried so deep in the web, because they were so personal, not even the most deranged fans would dare re-post them, but I ended up saving them just to be safe, just to have something. I honestly disgusted myself at that point, but I couldn’t stop, somehow. And I still find it gross, but I also know I was maybe 17 at the time I went that far out. My dad had just died, I was grieving, I was lonely more than anything, I felt like the only actual family who had still cared about me was gone, I needed something to hold on to and went into all the wrong directions.

But despite all the deeply intimate things I knew by then, there was one big issue I had somehow managed to keep missing, until they released a video for a song that upset me on such a deeply subconscious level, that I didn’t even know why, until it built up enough to cause my first real flashback.

There was a lot of drama about it within the fandom. A few of us who actually were triggered through the video into reliving our most traumatic moment, while everyone else still praised the shit out of them and told us we were just horrible for implying anything.

We didn’t imply anything. We just said we had a hard time dealing with it. But that didn’t stop threats of violence and death, even from people I was friends with until that point.

But amongst all that, one of the friends, who had already left the fandom to the most part at that point, told me the one big thing I had kept missing: The lead singer is a rapist. He especially goes for underage girls, but ultimately, it’s all the same.

There were enough stories about it out there and even if I think one or two may be made up—oddly enough the favourable ones seem the most unlikely—I think with that amount of stories, including things my friend has seen herself, it’s pretty evident that it has happened. And once that veil was lifted, I could see it. Maybe it’s my imagination, but some signs have always been there, and many people have said the same to me over time, some who knew, and some who didn’t. But that look is there, and cannot be trusted.

This whole thing just messed with me. It messed hard with me then. I had my trauma before, but I had had it well-repressed and buried so deep in my psyche only bits and pieces came bleeding through in the weirdest ways. Not enough for anyone to notice and only for me to occasionally wonder why I’m always returning to this specific topic. (Shit, I still have the hardest time using the term, especially when applied to me…) But now I also had flashbacks, and the knowledge that for the second time now, someone I thought I loved and thought—for some reason—loved me (In a way), was actually this kind of asshole, was a goddamn rapist, and had deceived me so horribly, only for me to go through the pain and trauma all over again.

I’m still thankful I had LInkin Park at the time, to be honest. I know y’all love to make fun of them, but they were there when I was bullied at 12-13 years old and felt all alone in the world, just when “Numb” came out. Translating their lyrics is how I learned english and at that point, Chester screaming in my ears alone, was often the one thing able to keep me from dissociating every 5 minutes, but moreover, he was screaming about the exact trauma that had come to the surface, that I wasn’t equipped to handle in any way, and I just knew I wasn’t alone with it, I knew he understood. It was a little comfort keeping me from losing it entirely, and it gave me some hope that if he could make it through the same bullshit and come out on top, I could, too. Of course, a few years ago that hope got shattered, but that’s another story.

The thing about this whole experience though, is that I still suffer from it. Not only can I still not look at that shitbag’s face without rage and sickness and pain—although it’s getting easier, not that I’m trying to look at him, but he’s unavoidable these days, fucking horrible. I can never listen to their songs again, not that I want to. Even karaoke versions or covers make me run out the room with massive panic attacks. Especially the songs from the same album as the song that triggered it all. The last time someone covered their song at an event I was at, I nearly threw myself off the balcony in the hotel lobby as I was trying to get away from it, because I was that terrified and in that much pain from hearing the first line alone.

And thinking about it, maybe that’s why I no longer go to events. I told myself it was finances, but i just don’t wanna run into that again. Ever. I’m so, so thankful the same friend who had informed me of it all back then was standing by on twitter to talk to me. Typing and reading is good to get your head out of it. It’s a mental and physical sensation and forces you to think of something else, even if it’s only spelling, and I could talk to her to calm tf down.

But mostly, I’m thinking about the very, very deep sitting trust Issues towards famous people and fandom I have developed through all of it. Up to this day, I cannot trust anyone who is famous. Riches being bitches is one problem, an intellectual one for me, mostly, but this is something else.

As soon as I see someone enjoying their fame—especially white men—I get suspicious, because it’s so much like him. What if they too are like him? What if they too only want fame to attain girls they can violate? What if? How could I allow myself to like someone like that ever again? How can I allow myself to fall for this stunt again? I can’t. That’s it. I see you enjoying your fame, I cannot trust you, to protect myself, if nothing else. To not accidentally promote someone who’d do those things. To not accidentally promote them to someone, who’s led right into the trap and has to endure what so many others already had to endure, what I had to endure, even if in my case it wasn’t even a famous person.

So I shy away from anyone who seems a little too “Type-A” or too joyful about their status as celebrity or… too talented, too inhuman. I don’t even know. A lot of it comes down to the eyes, and sometimes I’m definitely right, but in some cases even I am not sure if I see it, or if I’m just scared I don’t see it when I should. (Does that make sense to you?)

On the other hand, sometimes I am certain I don’t see it, and my brain goes into overdrive, running around in circles. We don’t see it, so does that mean it’s not there, or that they are that good at deceiving us? We’ve been deceived before, we failed to see it before, who says we won’t fail this time? Do we see it now? Maybe we only think we see it because we are scared and a little paranoid. But maybe-

it’s a never-ending circle. (Kind of the definition of a circle, isn’t it?)

Every time I see a famous person I want to trust be so visibly human, and warm, or shy, and just likeable, I trust them a little more, and want to trust them a little more, and that is exactly what makes the alarm bells go off in my brain! it’s ridiculous.

Yet, every time I see the same person interact with, say, a child, I freak the hell out.

This is not normal in any way, and it cannot be, and it shouldn’t be, I shouldn’t constantly be afraid of what thoughts some adult man has towards children, literal gd toddlers in frilly dresses. I cannot keep thinking that being nice to a toddler has an ulterior motive, because it’s wrecking me the hell up! Yet here I am, unable to shake those thoughts and I don’t know what to do about it, or how to feel about myself. I was angry at myself a lot today, partly because of that. But I’ve also been deeply depressed lately, partly because so much of my actual trauma came up again and again, and now it’s not going away. I cannot even listen to remix versions of that one Lady Gaga song the band once covered, because it all brings me back (and How very shitty for a rapist to cover a song by a rape survivor too). Even worse, because that song is in my workout game.

I don’t want to have to think about all this all the time anymore, I don’t want my brain to constantly suspect the worst in people, but I cannot fucking shake it off.

I know I’m getting better, generally. I know I’m breaking through some of my fears and all, but I also know I may never be ready to actually speak about this topic with another soul. Therapist or not, no one will ever achieve the level of trust I need to open up about this the slightest bit. If someone were to approach the topic (to talk about me, not themselves, that is), I’d shoot them down. I may actually fall into a panic attack and punch them and run away I don’t know. But this conversation is not going to happen, ever. So I really don’t know how to fix it, except keep fixing myself, but I just don’t know if I can this time.

Tainted Souls (Taehyung)

Summary: Vampires were no longer a myth, the world knew that they were very very real. The world wasn’t ready for it, and they really weren’t ready to find out that all those whacky conspiracy theorists finally got something right. A lot of celebrities were, in fact, undead. Including BTS. Touring constantly, always on the move it was painfully difficult to ensure that they received their meals. Until their manager learned of a business that specialized in vampire fine dining.

Pairing: Vampire!Taehyung x Reader

Warnings: Oral sex (female/male receiving), biting, multiple orgasms, swallowing of bodily fluids, no condoms (don’t do that!)

Word count: 6.3K

Series list: Prologue, Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook

   "What book are you reading?" You look behind you on the plane to see Taehyung standing up at an awkward angle so he can peer over your shoulder.    "Dracula." You move your sights back to the book in front of you, trying not to smile at the laughter ringing out above you.    "Dracula, really? So, does that make you my Mina?"    "If I was your Mina then I would have gathered a group of men who would have become so completely infatuated with my kind, sincere, and oh-so-innocent character that they would murder you for me. Well, technically for her fiance, but let's be honest they all did it for Mina." You try to go back to reading but close the book when you realize your eyes have been dancing over the same page for the last few minutes. You put your bookmark in and look up again to see Tae giving you a boxy grin.    "Yeah, well I suppose in a sense you are Mina. You could definitely have a bunch of dudes do your bidding."    "Is that so?"    "Yup." You watch Tae whip his head back around and can barely hear Namjoon saying something about 'sit down' over the hum of the engine. Tae, however, stays up anyways. It can't be comfortable, he's having to stand at an obscure angle/crouch in order to avoid banging his head on the overhead. "But I appreciate that you aren't trying to kill the vampire and you aren't really Mina. Besides, cute and innocent gets boring really fast, doesn't it (y/n)?"    You watch Jin's hand clasp around Taehyung's collar and jerk him back into the seat before you can even respond. So instead you have to settle on pulling up your KKT (and paying the outrageous WIFI fee) so you can have the last word. "Why kill the vampire when it's so much more fun to fuck them?" You wait a few moments, praying that Tae also paid for in-flight WIFI before you hear him sputter and cough behind you. Checkmate.    You and Tae have been playing a game of cat and mouse from the moment you met. It's hard not to be drawn to him. He's charismatic, handsome, sweet, and he has this air of unflappable confidence that comes close but never fully crosses the line into arrogance. And you...well you've found your new favorite past time but you never thought about the implications it would bring about later in time. You and Tae flirt back and forth with each other constantly, but you've never crossed the line. Come close, dipped a toe over, sure...but you refuse to be the first one to break. Oh no, Tae will be the one to break.    He's not like the normal fuck boy type, you'll give him that. In fact, he's not even really a fuck boy, he just has the tendencies. He's got this really sweet, sensitive, kind side to him. He's also very intuitive, the type of person to know exactly what you need or want before you ever say it. But he's also the type that's unapologetically himself and it's naturally an easy attractant for women. He could have any pick of the litter, and he knows it. He walks like he knows it, talks like he knows it, but he never actually comes out and says it. And the thought of conquering him, of being the one that he begs for. The one that gets the cocky side of him to bow down before your feet. Oh yes, you'll break him. Unlike Tae, who flirts shamelessly possibly just for the fun of it, you do it for more perverse and personal reasons.    You're attracted to him. More than you'd care to admit too. You want him, you want all of him. You're not sure where in the game that started happening, but you know it's far earlier on than you care to admit to yourself. But he doesn't need to know that. Not until he's worshiping you, and then you'll bare your heart and soul. But he needs to break first. You want to wash off that cocky grin from his face, you want to see him vulnerable and bare to you. And as much as you'd like to pretend it was just a game of conquering the man who can conquer all it was now much more than that. So you've been pushing harder than ever, trying to get him to cross the finish line. You think he probably understands what you're doing. And it seems to you that he's drawing it out to see if you'll break first instead. You've had to slow back down in retaliation. Well, that and the fact that you had been so caught up in the thrill of the chase that you've had witnesses. Technically just one witness actually, just on a few occasions.    Unfortunately, poor Jungkook has been caught in the crossfires of your little 'chases' a few times now. So now you have to be a little bit more careful. Poor Jungkook. The last time he walked in on the two of you had been the worst. He'd found Taehyung feeding from your thigh when he came over to see if Taehyung wanted to play a video game of some sort with him. As if it wasn't bad enough of a position with your dress hiked up and your expensive black lace and chiffon underwear on full display it of course just had to happen right when he finally started looking you in your eyes after he accidentally saw the racy photo you'd sent Tae a few weeks prior. It wasn't that bad, but you're pretty sure that he's maybe seen boobs in real life a handful of times and that didn't help anything. He's a shy, innocent thing under all that bravado he puts on stage. Jungkook still refuses to talk around you, he just turns into an awkward statue and runs away which has caused his blood type endless entertainment recently. She's been using you just to chase away Jungkook, and it's only made you tread more lightly in your game with Taehyung.    Your thoughts are brought back to the present when you hear your phone buzz. You glance over at Jungkook's blood type on your right and Jin's blood type on your left to see both of them sound asleep before pulling up the text. It wasn't a dick pic per say. It alluded to it, but the angle cut off right after the thatch of well-groomed pubic hair. Interesting, so he doesn't shave completely. Somehow, you kind of anticipated him to be an all or nothing kind of guy. Not that you're complaining. The real question is how to respond?    You take a moment to ponder your options before a text pops up.

[Tae-Tae] Speechless? [you] No, I'm just debating if you shave and trim or just trim.    What a cocky little shit. You'll break him one day, you swear it. [Tae-Tae] Care to find out? [you] Hmm... [Tae-Tae] I'll show you if you ask me. ;) [you] Nah, I think my own imagination is probably better. [Tae-Tae] :( It's not tho [you] Whatever you say, babe. [Tae-Tae] babe? I get nicknames now? What can I call you? How about baby doll? [you] Gross, veto. [Tae-Tae] Princess? [you]...I can work with that one, but it's not my favorite. [Tae-Tae] My queen? [you] Much better. I accept from you my humble servant.

   You try to stifle your laughter as Taehyung suddenly appears down the aisle. He shoots you another boxy grin and leans over for a moment to whisper in your ear.    "See, I told you. You can get guys to do their bidding. All you have to ask and your wish is my command. My queen." You look at him for a moment before staring back straight ahead.    "I'd rather hear you beg." You watch his pupils dilate for a moment when you spare a short glance back his way, his head cocked to the side before he finally moves back over to his seat when a stewardess starts walking by.

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   A few days later and you're finally back in the comfort of your own home. In a strange way, you aren't actually that happy with it. Being out and exploring and...being with Tae...well it's fun. But meanwhile back at the ranch you just go through tedious monotonous tasks of daily life. Not that it's that bad, it's really nice to be able to catch up on all your favorite shows and finish a book in your favorite spot on the couch. It's just...well it's boring.    You've been going and traveling nonstop for the last couple of months, and sure it could be stressful. Especially trying to get through an airport while not being caught with BTS and the constant reminder of 'no scandals, we hired you to be discrete' from the ever so lovely management. (Honestly, with some of the stunts you've seen the other girls pull you're surprised that there hasn't been a scandal yet. It's not that they aren't discrete, it's more that...well there's zero tolerance for bullshit from some of the other girls when fans get out of hand.) But with all its rules the job is still worth it. You got to explore museums and sites and food all over the world. Your bank account is certainly not a concern any time soon. But more importantly...with Tae. And when you're back at home...well you're just a regular old girl again. When you're with Tae it's like everything is an adventure, his optimistic boyish charm is infectious. When it's back to just you in your apartment though it's like everything is slightly muted.    Your thoughts wander back to Taehyung for a moment. The tour had ended with things getting...slightly awkward between the two of you. You're pretty sure that both of you are getting tired of this little game, but both of you are too stubborn to try for something more. Each conversation with him lately has kept you on edge, both of you seem to be daring the other person to just say it first. You know you're in deep shit, you don't just like him...you love him. And that puts you in an odd spot. This is after all your job. And he is after all famous and under a microscope constantly. And then there's his personality. It's almost like there are two sides to him. The flirty grand charismatic face he shows the world and then the much more serious, sometimes stoic side he'll occasionally give you a glimpse of. But what's real with him? You can't help but wonder if he actually likes you, or if he more just enjoys teasing you. And this dilemma really isn't his fault, it's yours. You started this. You were the one challenging him, instead of just coming forward and being honest. But being honest is scary. Rejection is a serious possibility, and you're not sure if you'll ever be able to recover from it. I mean, sure you will, but...man it won't be easy. And let's say he does reject you, do you have to go back to your old routine at Tainted Souls all over again?    You're in the middle of a deep True Blood binge under the confines of the pillow fort you've made when a knock at the door interrupts your thoughts and has you pausing the show. You have no clue who it could possibly be. Your friends rarely show up unannounced and all of them have day jobs so considering that it's only 1:00 in the afternoon it couldn't possibly be them. And you didn't order any food, you actually forced yourself to cook for once just a little while ago. You peak your head out the pillow fort and squint at the door (not that it's helpful in any way but you're hoping you can somehow will the person away if you do this long enough.) Another round of knocks, louder this time, ring through the apartment before the doorbell is rung no less than five times in under thirty seconds.    You grunt as you crawl out of the fort before marching over to the door. Swinging it open you're ready to give an earful at your intruder before seeing that damn boxy grin.    "Tae?"    "Hiya, my queen. I was just bored and in the area and-"    "How do you know where I live?" Taehyung stops for a moment and you see a mischevious glint in his eye.    "I have my ways. Are you going to invite me in?"    "What is this, some old-timey vamp shit? Yes, please, I invite you in oh undead one." Tae chuckles as he steps in, his shoulders brushing against yours momentarily before he steps aside to take off his shoes. "You aren't off the hook that easy though. How did you find out where I live?"    "It's on your resume, duh." You watch him survey your small apartment before his eyes light. "Is that a pillow fort???" He skips with glee over to the area, a childlike innocence and enthusiasm taking over as he crawls down and shuffles into the area. "What are we watching?"    "We're not watching anything. I was watching..." You stop yourself short. How do you explain to a vampire that you're basically watching a vampire porn show that got a disturbing amount of things about vampires right? I mean, the Dracula thing was already a bit embarrassing enough but hey, it's a classic!    "What, cat got your tongue? Come on, come join me in the fort, my queen!" You glance over to see him patting at the side next to him before finally giving in with a reluctant sigh. You didn't exactly make enough space for two people though, so you're squeezed rather tightly next to his side. "So...were you watching porn?"    "...no..." No that would almost be less embarrassing, unfortunately.    "That...that wasn't the answer I was expecting. Oh...oh my god. You WERE weren't you?" You're struck with horror as he moves to press play. Why god? Why you? Why didn't you destroy all the evidence before opening the door? Why didn't you hide the remote? Why couldn't you have been watching anything else other than-    The sounds of moaning fills the room. Of fucking course, this just had to be the worst possible scene for it to start on. And of course you just haaaad to watch the whole series over from the beginning and this is the part where they find the tape of the girl who died after sleeping with a vampire who chains her up has very rough sex with her and then drains her.    "Holy shit, this is...this is really kinky. It feels like I'm watching some of Hobi-hyung's stash, but worse. Wow. It's always the ones you least expect I guess." His eyes are glued to the screen as it finally cuts back to the police.    "No!!!! No, no no no no no no no!!!" You're smacking Tae repeatedly on his arm, hoping that you're somehow making your illiterate rant get across to him. "No, it's a TV show. It's called True Blood! It's about vampires and okay it's honestly trashy and kind of awful but I mean, they got so much right. A lot of it wrong, but so much right too! Like synthetic blood, and vampires coming out of the coffin! And and and..." You stop at the sound of Taehyung laughing maniacally at your outburst. "Oh fuck off Tae. Even if I was watching porn I'm allowed to do so! Who died and made you my dad? Also, what ARE you even doing here? Don't think I bought that 'I was in the area' bullshit! You're not getting off that easy mister!"    "Mister, really?" Tae sighs before cuddling closer into your side, his face pressing into your shoulder. "I just missed you, if you really must know."    "Oh." What does that admission mean? Does it mean...no he couldn't possibly be throwing in the towel.    "Oh?"    You glance down to see Tae looking up at you through his messy fringe. You hadn't really paid attention when he first came in, but he looks paler, tired. "OH, you're hungry." He rolls his eyes before he cuddles even closer and throws a leg over you. You pray that your heart will stop thundering soon because you know for a fact he can hear it.    "Not really. I still have two more days before I need to eat. I told you, I just missed you. Is that such a crime?"    "You look hungry. Tae, you don't need to lie. If you just came because you need to eat that's fine, I'm sure you've been working harder now that you're back and-"    "I told you that's not why I'm here!" His face snaps up, and you're suddenly reminded by his inhuman speed that he is indeed a creature not to take lightly as he's straddling you. His eyes bore into yours, flickers of annoyance tracing over his features. "Why don't you believe me?"    "What?"    "Why, why do you do all these games? You fuck with me, and you play these games, and god I can't get you out of my fucking head. Your taste, your smell, your laugh fuck it's like they're just running through my mind all god damn day. And then you have the audacity to act surprised? How could I not miss you? Is this all it is to you, just some game? Because I swear to fucking god if it is I'm-"    "It's not just a game. I mean, it kind of started that way but..." You trail off, your eyes refusing to look up at him for longer than a few seconds.    Tae relaxes at your admission, but his gaze never wavers. He's clearly waiting for you to continue, but you're too stubborn. After a minute of the two of you daring the other to speak first, he finally gives a small chuckle before throwing his face into your neck. "God, you just really want to make me say it first, don't you?"    "Yes." Your words come out tiny and small, and you suddenly feel incomprehensibly stupid for just not being honest with him sooner.    "Why?"    "Because you're you. You could get anything, anyone. And...I don't know at first it was just to get someone as great of a catch as you to look at me and I was kind of bored with having just one client. But then...it just morphed into something more. The more time I spent with you the more I wanted you to really like me. Like really really like me, not just want me...you know? But...I guess...I'm also just really afraid of rejection. A game of cat and mouse keeps things easy and light-hearted, feelings don't really have to be involved."    "I fell for you so long ago it's ridiculous. I just figured it was all just fun and games for you so I didn't admit anything. We're both idiots aren't we?"    You find yourself grinning up at his words. "Yeah but...we can be idiots together."    "I like the sound of that, a lot." For a minute silence just fills the room, although it's not uncomfortable. It's more the two of you basking in the realization that there are no more games. Both of you are finally being honest with one another. And then after that warm and fuzzy glow starts to ebb away do you realize the rather compromising position you're in. He's still straddled over your hips, his hair falling down and eye's just barely peeking out, his hands resting on the side of your head and face just a few inches away. You're not sure what to do in this situation. Do you ask him to move? Do you kiss him? Do you touch him? What would be the most proper? Because really all you want is to feel his lips, but you're not sure if that's what he wants.    You're pretty sure he can see each thought playing out based off of the way he cocks his head to the side and lifts an eyebrow. You've never been very good at concealing your inner thoughts. (Note to self, work on your poker face.) So you steel your nerves and finally say in a voice you hope doesn't give away your anxiety, "Tae?" When he hums in response you finally lift your eyes to him. "Tae, can I kiss you?" His smile stirs something in you, a frenzy of joy and something slightly more carnal caused by his fangs shining down at you.    "Of course, my queen." He doesn't however budge. Clearly, he's going to make you work for it, and your stubborn side is starting to roll back in. You weave your hands into his hair (you'd like to note that it's oddly soft for all the chemical damage it's taken and you really should find out what shampoo he uses) to bring his lips down onto yours. The force of the movement causes a rather awkward clash of teeth, but neither of you seems to pay any mind. There's been too much build up, too much tension, to really care about little details like that.    His lips are slightly chapped and he tastes faintly like mint. It's not long before the kiss deepens into something less chaste, tongues roaming and exploring and hunger starts to drive both of you. Your hands untangle from his hair and move to his arms before snaking around his waist to flip him over. There's something so euphoric about seeing him under you, at seeing the shift as his eyes start to shine red and the way his breathing starts to stagger under your touch. And it hits you, really hits you then, that he's yours. Maybe the world gets a lot of him, but right now you get a side of him that they don't. Your lips trail down his neck as your hands slide up his shirt to feel the cool skin underneath. The way his muscles clench under your touch coupled with his soft panting has desire pooling into your underwear.    "You look so pretty like this." You grin as you peel his shirt off before leaving a wet trail of kisses down his torso.    "Pretty, really? Wouldn't handsome be a more apt description?" His hands are wound into your hair, pushing you slightly further down as you get steadily closer to the waistband of his sweats.    "Well, you are plenty handsome. But...I think you look pretty right now. Delectably pretty. Like a perfect meal presented to me." You linger at his pants, hands resting on the button before your attention flickers back to his face. "May I?"    "Please. But I mean, really? If anyone is the meal here it's you."    "The big bad vampire routine is unbecoming of you. Be a good boy though and you might just get a treat." The glare he levels at you has a giggle of elation bubbling up in your throat.    "Really, still with the games?"    "Do you want me to suck your dick or not Tae?" His head whips up as you slide down his pants and boxers, freeing his rapidly hardening cock only a mere few inches from your face. You'd like to note that he does, in fact, shave and groom. Guess the question is finally answered now that you're finally seeing the perfectly shaped triangle of hair in person.    "Fuck, no I do."    "Then just lie back down and be a good boy." He groans as he throws his head back, biting on his lip to stay quiet. You've always wanted to be the one to get under his skin, to make him fall apart, and now that you're finally here it's better than you ever imagined. You take a moment to just enjoy the site of him laying under you, twitching with barely controlled impatience. Your fingers ghost over his dick, lips coming down to pepper small kisses up along his thigh before halting right at his balls. His hips flex and shake the closer you get, precum beading up and falling onto his stomach.    "Jesus, please (Y/N), please just fucking touch me. This is just torture, cruel and unusual punishment. I'll do whatever you want just please, please just touch me."    "Whatever I want?" A cheshire cat grin is on your lips as you look at him. You get that technically you guys already agreed to be together, but hey you've been thinking for a long time about just what you would do when he finally breaks. And right now you're finally about to get what you've always wanted.    "Fuck, yes, just please fucking touch me."    "Hmm, okay, since you begged so nicely." You finally grasp his dick in your hand, tongue snaking along his balls before trailing up and enveloping his velvety head. The tangy precum smears over your lips as you lock eye contact with him, your smile growing wider at the long musical moan that falls out of him. Oh-ho, if Tae is already moaning he might just not be able to handle what you have prepared for him. You give him just a moment to calm down as you keep him resting in your mouth before finally sliding down to the base in one go.    "Oh, holy fuck. Fuck, fuck, oh god. You weren't fucking kidding when you said you were a pro at sucking dick, oh my god." You stay stationed at the base for a moment before working up, setting an easy rhythm for yourself to breath in as you go up and exhale slowly as he reaches past your molars. The dull ache in your jaw is worth it for the sweet sounds he's gracing you with. You can feel your panties clinging onto you, your own need beginning to cause a different dull ache. But that's not important, what's important right now is staying in charge. You aren't about to pass up this opportunity that you've worked so hard to finally get. "(Y/N), if you don't stop I'm going to ah fuck!" Your hands massage his balls gently before his hips buck with force into your throat and his cum is filling your mouth in hot white ropes.    His eyes are locked on yours as you finally pull away from him, giving small licks to clean up anything left behind before opening your mouth and sticking out your tongue.    "All clean, my what a good girl you are." You can't help but preen a bit under the praise. There's something about hearing the words from Tae that make the (honestly almost unbearable) taste worth it. "But it's not fair, I'm almost completely undressed, and you're still in all of your clothes." His words come out whiney as he tries to grab the hem of your shirt, but you're quicker than him. You scooch your way out of the pillow fort, ignoring his whines of protests.    "Come on Tae, you promised that you'd do whatever it is that I ask." You glance behind you to see Taehyung behind you, a deviant smirk plastered to his face as he tugs his pants back up.    "Well, my queen, I'm hoping that your wish is for me to eat you out like a five-course meal."    "No, but nice try. No no, I'd like something far less sexual, sorry to burst your bubble." You wrap your hands around his neck, fingers curling into the soft hair at his nape. "I'd like for you to take me shopping."    "What?"    "Shopping, I want to go shopping with you. More specifically I'd like to go out on a date with you. I think it would be fun to pick out some clothes with you. Oh, but I suppose I should tack on that I'd like to go to the new exhibit at the museum with you too if you have the time this month. It's not a permanent collection so I suppose that might have to take priority if you can manage the time."    "You...you could have me do anything and you choose a date? I thought for sure you'd have me sit there and beg for you or something, or literally kiss your ass, or make me do something really embarrassing. But you...choose a date?" His shoulders are shaking with poorly contained laughter before he pulls you into a bone-crushing hug. "Just when I think I've got you all figured out you pull something like this. You're a weird one, you know that?"    "Well at first I thought about making you beg, in fact, that was my original goal. But the plan changed a long time ago. I realized I didn't want to make you beg, I would never want to hear something like that forced out of you. I want to hear that you want me because you want me, not for any other reason. So then I started thinking about what I really wanted, and I realized that even though it's selfish and even though you can't technically go out on dates or be seen in public with me I'd still really like to go out on a date with you. I understand though if it's not really possible." You say the last words quietly as you reflect back on your contract and the firm words from management. Dating and scandals were absolutely not allowed, and while you wanted nothing more to be with Tae you also understood the precarious place dating would put him in.    "Hey, don't worry about it. We can definitely go on a date. I can wear like a fake beard or something."    "What?"    "Ooh, or maybe I'll learn how to do some special effects makeup and turn myself into an old man. With a big beard." Tae is talking animatedly, his hands smoothing down his imaginary beard.    "No fake beard, please."    "Why not, I thought girls like beards."    "Yes well I don't. Especially not fake ones. That's just weird. But I'm sure we'll figure something...less...abstract out." You watch his gaze flicker back down to you, his fingers tracing over your jaw before dipping lower until they finally grip at the soft flesh of your ass.    "Well, I suppose that we can figure it out some other time. I don't have enough time for a date tonight, I still have to be back for practice in a couple of hours. But that does leave me with enough time to continue where we left off. What do you say?" His breath is warm on your neck and the fire that had begun to calm down is roaring back. That familiar ache, the need to finally be one with him begins driving all action again. You try leading him to the bedroom, but his hands pull your hips back flush to him. "Always so impatient. Let me take my time with you."         His tongue trails slowly down your neck, over the prominent vein before he nips down slightly on your collarbone. Each movement is slow, precise, and it already has you wanting more. You're not normally so greedy, you usually enjoy dragging things out more. But Taehyung is masterful at this slow, erotic torture and it's quickly becoming too much for you. Each touch to your skin tingles and burns, his hands lazily roaming and groping has your hips rutting into his. "Tae, don't be a fucking tease."    "Oh please, you've spent enough time torturing me let me have some fun." His eyes lock onto yours before he finally strips your shirt off of you before his mouth latches onto a nipple. His tongue swirls around the bud before he's tugging it in between his teeth with enough force to have you cry out. His mouth twitches into a grin at your moan and suddenly he's off of your breast and picking you up. He doesn't, however, take you down the hall into your bedroom as you initially guessed. No, instead he's leading you into the kitchen and placing you on the counter. He just gives a small chuckle at your cocked eyebrow before explaining. "Listen, this might sound ridiculous to you but I've always wanted to have sex in a kitchen but considering that I live in the dorm or I'm always in hotels I don't exactly get that chance often. Also, I really want to fuck you in a bathtub while we're on the subject. Honestly just about every surface of this apartment, but the kitchen is a good place to start. Don't you think?"    Before you can respond his hands drag your ass to the edge of the counter and his mouth is on your thighs. Each wet kiss, each small nip, closer to your clothed and dripping core has you shaking with want. "Tae, please. Please, come on baby, please." You're not sure if it's the begging, or the use of the pet name, or just his own desires that finally cause him to peel away your panties but you really don't care. You just care that you're finally getting relief.    "God, look at you. You're dripping all over the counter. What a pretty fucking pussy, and it smells so sweet." He licks one long stripe over your folds before clamping down on your throbbing clit. Before you can even react he has two fingers slipping into you, strangled moans bubbling out at the dual sensations. With each loud suck on your clit, his fingers prod deeper inside you, scissoring and stretching in all the right ways. You can feel that familiar coil tighten and lurch at his ministrations. Each time his tongue brushes against you, each time his fingers prod in just the right spot, you can feel yourself start to unravel. You want to tell him how good it feels, how amazing he is, but words get lost in your throaty moans. "You're going to cum already? You gonna cum all over my fingers? Come on (y/n), cum for me." That's all it takes to have you finally fall into your orgasm. Thighs clenching, abdomen tightening, toes curling. Faintly you know you're screaming his name loudly, but you're too far gone in bliss to fully register that it's you who's making those noises.    By the time your opening your eyes back up he's finally pulled away from you. His mouth is still shining with your release and you can't help but groan at the sight of him slowly fisting his leaking cock. His mouth is on yours in an instant, both of you groaning at the taste of both your orgasms. Your hips jut into his, the desire to feel filled by him is starting to drive you into a frenzy. You need to feel him, one orgasm isn't enough. Never really has been for you, but especially not when it's finally with Tae. "Tae, come on, please fuck me."    The way he groans low and sweet has you clenching around nothing and desire trickling out of you once again. You watch, entirely entranced, as he finally enters. You're well prepped enough that there's no burn, just sweet sweet satisfaction. His head rested in the crook of your neck, peppering small kisses along the vein as he stayed still before slowly pulling back out. His hands wrap your thighs around his waist before he starts moving rhythmically. Each movement is harsher, faster than the last. Each thrust has both of you groaning at the sensation. You can feel him everywhere, so utterly full as he prods away at the right spot that has nerves on fire.    "God, you're so fucking tight. And wet, holy shit. Can I...can I feed from you?" You can't help but moan at his words again. He looks so perfect, almost like a sculpture has come to life. The sweat is making his hair cling to his face, casting a glow to his tan skin. "You have to say yes, I'm not taking a moan for an answer."    "Yes, please Tae." At the green light, he nuzzled back into your neck, his tongue snaking along the pulsing vein before his fangs sunk in. There's something about the mix of pain and pleasure that almost feels like a high each time. Sinful, dirty, perfect. And it has you tumbling into another orgasm around him. Clenching, moaning, milking Tae to finally come to his own. His tongue laps up the last of the blood, seeling away the bite as his hips begin to rut sloppily through his own completion. He stays lodged inside as he starts to soften and presses a few soft kisses on your lips. You feel not just satisfied, but somewhere into a place of warm and fuzzy bliss.    "You know, it was worth the wait." He sighs at the sound of his phone going off and grimaces as he finally pulls out to look at his phone. "I have to leave now so I won't be late to practice. Can I...come back over tomorrow? I don't have the day off, but I do have a break in the afternoon."    "Of course, just text me when you're on your way over. Don't push yourself too hard."    Tae gives a boxy grin as he pulls on his clothes before weaving his fingers into your hair and pulling you into a heated kiss. "As much as I love seeing you naked, you should probably put on some clothes so you don't catch a cold. I'll see you tomorrow, my queen."    You watch him leave silently, a smile plastered to your face. You certainly weren't expecting for this to happen when you took on the job. You weren't expecting these blossoming feelings of love to take over when you started to first tease Tae. But the world works in mysterious ways, and you couldn't be happier with the results.

Words

I've struggled with putting this anywhere. I started writing it in emails, on Twitter, on DeviantArt, even on Dreamwidth. I've stopped each time. I'm pretty sure this won't even go up, but let's see.

I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with people, right now. I'm lonely, and miserable, and yearning for friendship, but I cannot handle it. I cannot handle dealing with people, no matter how close I am to them. This includes – yes – people I consider to be family. This includes by family, even. I have lost contact with dozens of people that I’ve sworn never to lose contact with – or they have chosen to lose contact with me – and it's starting to… affect me.

All I’ve been able to do is write. I can't talk. Or if I do try to talk, I fuck it up. I have no been open with how I’ve been feeling, what I’ve been going through, and why I've avoided people I don't want to avoid. I don't want to talk about myself, so when I talk to people, once they ask about me, I end the convo or change the subject. I can't take it. I don't want to fucking talk about it.

But here we are. You're reading this, clearly, because you want to know what's wrong with me, for whatever fucking reason. Fine you want to know? Read on. If you don't? Stop reading and please stop asking me. I want to make this clear that I’ve kept this shit to myself because nobody cares about problems like I have. I think. If you're reading this, you're not nobody. Whatever, anyway.

My pain started getting worse two years ago, so I had my gallbladder removed. That was the biggest mistake of my life. I should not have done it. Because now, I’m worse off.

Since 2017, my health has been progressing into worse and worse problems, to the point that medications no longer work on me, save high doses of morphine. I'm not allowed to be on morphine, anymore, save dire emergencies in the ER (it's the only thing that stops the flare up). During these pain flare-ups, I want to die. I can't deal. I can't even think. All I can do is lie on the couch and cry, zoning out on YouTube. It's especially gotten worse since I quit smoking, but not enough to start, again.

The night I missed my niece being born, I broke. I lost it. I lost my patience with this illness of mine. I ended up missing one of the most important moments of her life, spending it in a hospital two hours away, being ignored and mistreated and mocked – and then ignored. It severed something mentally.

Since then, I haven't been okay.

I've ruined my own birthday, twice; the day of was spent sobbing over vaccinations. The day of the party was spent in misery, because the party had nothing to do with me – I was being used as a ruse to make it about Ellie – and when I left, the party went on without me – what I thought was the entire idea, that I'd been used for these reasons. And to be honest, I still don't know what happened after I left, because no one told me. No one thought to. No one cared enough to, it felt to me.

I started drifting more and more away, only now by people I speak to online, either through chat or phone calls. I stopped being able to deal with talking to people one-on-one, because emails gave me time to think about what I had to say, instead of speaking on the fly and hurting people. Only it still didn't work.

My depression was also getting worse. I needed more and more attention, more reassurance, in a world that is more and more making me feel adrift and left behind. When I was able to catch up, I merely discovered how much I kept missing, how happy people are without me around their ankle. I realised how many people I’ve been holding back for years, and it almost killed me.

I tried to explain it to those people I ignored, tried to explain that I’m broken, I’ll never be what they deserve or need, and that they need to walk lest I keep fucking them up further. I tried, but whatever I said was overlooked because I was a good person before now. I keep trying to explain that I’m not a good person, anymore, because the pain is making me insane, and I don't know how to deal with people, anymore, but… nobody's listening to me…

So this is my last try. This is what I should have said when any of you started to be my friends. Look at the people who've already walked, and you'll notice that I’m the common bad variable, and nothing else. I know that many of you want me to hang around because of what I was once like. And honestly, I miss what I was like back then, too.

But then, June 2017. It was the start of the end. The injections. The dozens and dozens of ER tests and humiliation and abuse. The money and ignorance of the hospital staffs (when told what to do to help and how fast it would help me if they just did it). People online, people offline, seeing me disabled and seeing a brat.

Over the past four years, I’ve been a part of the Undertale fandom, a game that saved my life and a fandom that kept me living, and I met so many of you, cared about so many of you – but somehow shoved you all away. The more you cared, the more I ran away.

Why? Because I deserve to be alone.

I've said this, many times, in different ways, but I’m told I’m wrong, when I’m right, and it hurts. So I stopped talking. I made it obvious that I’m not worth your time.

Because I didn't want to explain what was going on.

My medications aren't working, anymore, so they keep switching them. Now, they're switching my antidepressant, and it's… bad. It's very bad. I have to taper off my current med, then start from scratch with the new one, and the decrease is making my depression stronger. I haven't been able to speak on the phone or even go out (save mandatory doctor visits), and I keep taking everything personally and crying over everything. Three times, I’ve convinced myself that Terry is going to divorce me. It's bad.

Because of it, I don't know what's up or down, what's true or false, and no matter how much I trust someone, I still feel like all I am is someone to be pitied, and I would rather never be pitied, but either loved for who I am, or hated for that same reason.

And that's because I hate myself for feeling this way. I have been secluding myself to both punish myself and prove to you all how unreliable and gross I am.

A lot of you are younger than me, and have enough to deal with. I'm also aware that a lot of you are young enough to make your own decisions, especially when it comes to people. But what I’m doing is inappropriate. The things I complain and beg advice for are not appropriate. I treat you like shrinks, forgetting your age and your own lives and problems and issues.

It makes me sick, my selfishness. And I can't fucking deal with it.

So I’ve been staying away, save angry tweets and angrier YouTube comments. The rare times I reach out usually end worse off than when I did before I reached out, so I have learned not to.

And finally, for the very last time, I must say this: I know I am immature, I am stunted, I am behind the times, and I cannot fix it. I try to, by using all of you like the scumbag I am, and not bothering to listen to you or help you. I cry my problems, then run away the second you need me.

I'm so tired of it. I can't do this to people, anymore. I've been trying to gradually disappear, save stuff that keep me sane (fanfic and comics), and while many of you keep me sane, I’m tired of using you that way, too.

I know this is me mind-reading, as many of you will say. But, I’m sorry, this isn't that at all. This is me paying attention to what is being said and shown to me, and now, I get it.

Please, please, please stop insisting this isn't so. The fact that every time I mention it, it's left ignored, and often shamefully so, and that angers me. I pour my heart out, explain, answer the questions I’m being asked but it's ignored, only so that I can be asked for help that I just finished screaming myself raw that I can't help anyone the way I am, anymore.

My brain refuses to listen to kindness, anymore. It refuses to accept that anyone wants to bother with me, because on one hand, I’ve been given shameful proof that I’m absolutely right in my sad assessment. But on the other, I’m aware that a few of you are sincere, and do mean what you said.

But I can't tell the difference. I need help. I need real help, a kind that I need before I can even dream of being a good friend or a kind person to any of you. I can be nice, be complimentary, be honest in my affection and happy feelings for you, and all is sincere. But I have deep difficulty believing the same from you, to me, because of my pain and my depression. I know many of you with depression understand.

But why don't you give up on me…? Why can't you see that I’m right, that I don't blame you for giving up on me, because all I’ve been is a disgusting person, even at my most well-meaning.

I don't even know why I’m bothering posting this, here. I don't know why I’m posting it. I just think it's time to put words to feelings I couldn't put words to, before now.

I'm not trying to be friendless. But I’m trying to be worthy of friends. So far, I cannot see myself there, yet. So many of you have a real life to live, true futures within your grasps; what the hell are you doing still talking to some middle-aged pathetic loser and wasting your time on the internet that way? There are better places to visit on the internet than any place to do with me, personally.

I get wanting to want to read my bullshit stuff. I'm flattered. But no, you don't need to be my friends, no matter how pathetic or lonely I am. That's my problem, not yours. You are all young, and happy, and have your own hurdles to overcome. I write that stuff to provide an escape for you and for me. That's all that you need to know about me, really.

I'm not saying that you cannot be my friend anymore. I'm not saying you're not allowed to speak to me. I am saying that it might take me time to answer, or to do what you asked of me, etc. I am saying that thanks to my increasing mental illness, I am no longer a good person to be around, at least until the problem is rectified.

I actually don't know what I’m saying, honestly. I don't want to be alone, but I’m tired of bothering people who do. I don't like spending my days alone, but I don't want to harass people with better things to do. I'm tired of being what no one wants and tired of being unwanted once people discover the real me.

I'm a garbage person. I hate myself.

And you deserve not to have that in your life.

That's all.

I'm sorry.

What do you think about Zigi situation and the talks going on about it from the media as well as online?

Oh anon why are you making me do this… Well I have time today.

When it comes to online/ fandom let me go by categories.

1- The Ziams & anti-zigis:

These people from the start have been atrocious. Not only have they harassed Gigi & her family but same with Zayn & his family. They have been intrusive and have spread lies online (those so called “exposing accounts”) Whether it’s on IG or Twitter. In my opinion they are tinthats and just mad weird. They keep on saying everything is fake, is a stunt, TPTB, etc… 

It’s repetitive, predictable, pathetic & boring.

 Guess what tinhats ZAYN & LIAM WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER ROMANTICALLY!!! 

For someone that they claim to love & stan they sure have a low opinion of Zayn and what he is willing to do for his status. Not only that but their false rumors and stuff is at times picked up by tabloids. So kudos to you for helping your fave dummies…

So when it comes to them I am just like:

2- Zigis:

I never really liked real couple shipping or should I say being a “stan” of a couple. I find it cringy and they also do go overboard and cross boundaries. Just because one is supportive doesn’t mean that they are not just as invasive or annoying as tinhats. (You can check my blog and how I was annoyed with the “Freddies”). 

So when it come to Zigis they were to me just like that. Anything that either Zayn and or Gigi did they were linking it together. Any like, comment, follow is or was being reported online. They even had/have update accounts. 

The ugly side of it is when the couple breaks up and they can’t let go or accept it. Think the Jelena (Justin & Selena), the Robsten (Rob & Kristen Stewart) or even the Zerrie (Zayn & Perrie) shippers/stan. Look at how ugly they got towards one or the other person especially when one of their OTP has moved on to a new partner (ex: Justin with Hailey, Rob with FKA Twigs & Zayn with Gigi). They actually become conspiracy theorists because they cannot accept that their OTP is over.  

Now when it comes to Zigis, they have actually turned into the Zerries that they were complaining and making fun of back in the day. LET IT GO!! Stop making connections and thinking that any follow, like or comment means something more. Don’t go harassing their possible new partners. Stop sending family DMs to find out the status of Zayn & Gigi’s relationship because you want some type of reassurance that your OTP are still together. BUTT OUT…. Last year during their first break up, the Zigis went on to attack Sofia & Iskra Lawrence because they thought something was maybe going on between them and Zayn. They said some pretty misogynistic things (feminist/girl power 101 my ass). They also went after (although to a lesser degree) they were being nasty and shady towards Lewis Hamilton when rumors were going around that him & Gigi were maybe going out. They are cringy…….

So when it comes to them, I am like:

3- Zstans & Gigi stans:

Both side have shown their true colors or their true feelings once it has been said that they are no longer together. 

On the Zstans side, some were sad others were happy (that is excluding the ziams & antis), others were relieved but for the most part at least from what I saw they were chill up until the first US weekly article. Then the ugliness started. Some even sided with conspiracy theorists out of all people.. Like eww… I get wanting to defend your fave (and at times you were damn right to defend him) but come on now do better…. 

You gleefully were rejoicing when you assumed that Zayn was shading Gigi with his tweets and thought that he was proving you right when you were calling her manipulative, disgusting and all that jazz. Nevertheless, Zayn himself went off on all of you and set you guys straight pretty quickly.

You doing all of that, made things worst for the person that you claim to stan & love because guess what tabloids picked up on it and it created negative press towards Zayn. So kudos to you for helping your fave dummies…  

As for the Gigi stans I don’t follow many of them to be quite honest but the impression that I always got is that while Zayn & Gigi were together they kept quiet but there were some indirects here and there and then they just let loose when the break up happened. They 100% believed what tabloids were saying and were now overtly being nasty towards Zayn online. I get wanting to defend your fave (and at times you were damn right to defend her against the nastiness said about her) but come on now do better…. 

They always seemed to think that Zayn was the one preventing Gigi from going out, partying  and being seen or being super active & interactive on social media like back in the day when she was besties with Kendall. They don’t think big bad Zayn is good enough for their queen Gigi.. Well guess what Gigi stans to my knowledge she’s still not yet doing the stuff you expected her to do. So sucks to be you….

You don’t know Zayn or Gigi personnaly. You are not part of their inner circle. You don’t know what their relationship is or was like except from what they have chosen to share or from what the media/tabloids have decided to spin for clicks. It’s their life, their relationship and their choices. PERIOD!!!!!!! 

So when it comes to them, I am like:

4- The media/tabloids + Zayn + Gigi

The media has been atrocious but more so towards Zayn than Gigi. Not surprised. Tabloids have rarely ever been on Zayn’s side. Most likely because he doesn’t curate his image as much as Gigi does. Zayn definitely hasn’t helped himself with some of the things he has said, done or tweeted online. I have said so in my tags. I don’t know what has prompted him to remember Twitter but it wasn’t a good idea at all. As a celebrity, social media is not a place to vent especially the cesspool that is Twitter. Also the vague tweets are open to interpretation and people will run with it and assume the worst automatically. I get it Zayn is still a human being like any of us but still…Be smart about how you use your platform you are not just anybody.

The media, loves to kick someone when they are down or bring up stuff. That’s what they do. They gossip, they speculate, they look for drama, they make up stuff. Anything to drive traffic on their site. Most of the articles have been basically about how Zayn is a deeply troubled young man (his anxiety issues, he is seen as a recluse, his tweets or some of his IG posts that would be 2018, his weed smoking..)  who is at an all time low (his management has allegedly dumped him, his second album did not do well commercially, still not touring, his gf has left him..) and was holding the super successful supermodel Gigi back from her full potential because she was always trying to help him. Basically that Zayn was dead weight. Then they brought in what Louis said about Zayn… You know all around just gross stuff.

It’s an easy narrative to paint for tabloids and quickly believed based on the bias people already have of Zayn that has been solidified by his reputation and the years of bad press that he hasn’t deemed worthy enough to respond to. 

That to me has always been a mistake but then again even when he does try to correct stuff or tell his side of the story, his words are ignored or not believed. He’s fucked either way. Even when he’s silent minding his own business there are still articles popping up. If my memory is correct, Zayn was pretty much silent online other than selfies up until March when he tweeted the Love You Gigi and yet since January Zayn was being mentioned in articles that were either about Gigi or about the status of their relationship (ex: the first US Weekly article).

 Nonetheless, I do think he needs an image overall and should hire a publicist to change that narrative. Zayn call Scooter Braun and ask him to give you the name of the pr people that were involved in cleaning up JB’s image just before his Purpose album…

I don’t know Zayn nor do I know what is going on in his personal life. I hope that he is doing well. If he is going through something, I hope that whatever is going on bts that he is dealing with it properly, that he has a strong & supportive system and will come on top of it. Whenever he is ready, if he wants to, he can open up about that time period in his life. (LOL who am I kidding my noisy self would love for him to write another book or do an in depth filmed interview where he talks about the Z2 era and what has been going on up until now.)

As for Gigi, she cares about her image and reputation. Gigi is smart and savvy. She’s very mindful of how she is seen and perceived in the media. She knows the game and plays along. That’s smart because she is in an industry where it does matter. Zayn should have learned that from her. Her IG is curated to showcase happiness & serenity as well as her achievements & projects. She’s photographed/papped with her friends or family, attending events, on a photoshoot or going to the gym. Break up, what break up? what heartbreak? She doesn’t need a man. She’s a strong independent woman. Girl power! Her career is going extremely well and keeps on going stronger and stronger. Kudos to her. You can’t hate her or criticize her for that. She has every right to do so.

However, what I will say is at times there are things that she has done that I was like girl wtf are you doing. For example responding to things that are not even necessary to respond to which then creates press that puts her in a good light and by default directly or indirectly throws Zayn under the bus. That tweet calling out the media about linking her to a guy..Sweetie there were no articles. Nothing had been written. No outlets had picked up the pap pics of her and her friends. It was her own fans at first that had shared the pictures on their update accounts. Or that time she responded/clapped back at a Zayn stan that hadn’t mentioned her name or tagged her but shared what was deemed an unflattering  picture of her and people in the comments were making fun of her… I was like girl how did you even find this???? Are you lurking???? Anyway both times, it made the press and Zayn was dragged into it. 

Or back in January when she was papped 2 days in a row at Zayn’s apartment. For that though, I won’t blame her in the sense of she called the paps on herself like tinhats or antis would. Being seen at his apartment, led to articles..

Gigi is still a human being like any of us and has her moments but still…

I would also like to remind people that Gigi is not in any way obligated to come to Zayn’s defense when it comes to what has been said about him by the media or online from her stans or anyone else. However, in my opinion, I do think if she has the time to tweet/call out the media about articles that hadn’t yet been written, she could tweet about some disturbing articles that have been written about someone with whom she had an on/off relationship for 3 years or so. Same thing for Zayn. Zayn has come to her defense when he tweeted for people to leave her alone. Just saying….

Finally, as for the 2 US Weekly articles, in light to what Zayn has tweeted recently, I choose to think that Gigi and her camp had no part in it. 

I know that many including mutuals of mine have entertained the theory that these articles were Gigi’s doing because of Yolanda’s connection to US Weekly. 

So for arguments sake:

As I’ve said in previous conversations, prior to even Zayn tweeting, I hope that she had no part in it. If she did, then yep I would side-eye her and call this tactic sneaky & cowardly. Why go that route? Own up to it. Why use a tabloid with “sources” instead of making a proper statement via your social media or at least via your “rep” so that it’s clear that it comes from you? 

That first US Weekly article was written after she was papped at his appartement twice. Zayn had not been seen out, he hadn’t tweeted or done anything. That article went up and was picked up by many outlets. In it, they said Zayn had issues that Gigi couldn’t help him with. She tried everything, she was no longer hanging out with her friends, etc.. etc… 

The timing of the 2nd US Weekly article was mid-March two weeks or more after Zayn tweeted the “Love you” tweet to which Gigi had not responded to (she wasn’t obligated to do it either). In that article, it mainly said that Gigi has love for Zayn but he has MAJOR ISSUES (yep this time around they added major. last time it was just issues) and it’s over for good because they are not compatible. Again it was “sources”.. I was like why wait two weeks or more to write this? Why not write that article immediately after Zayn had tweeted it. The story had died down. That article was again picked up by many other news outlet.

But like I said anon, I choose to believe or at least hope that Gigi & her camp had no part in it. I would think she’s better than that to go that low and from my knowledge, it wasn’t/ or isn’t her MO. If she doesn’t address things directly usually it’s via a rep.

So when it comes to the media, I am like:

As for my thoughts on the status of Zayn & Gigi’s relationship:

Zayn and Gigi are two young good looking rich adults. Aesthetically/visually, Zigi was a stunning couple. Bottom line, It’s their lives, their choices. Whatever happens, happens. They are two celebrities that I don’t know personally. At the end of the day it doesn’t affect my life or livelihood.

So those are all my thoughts. Have fun reading anon!!! 

final fantasy!

I wasn’t sure if I should include Bravely Default or not because ohhh man I have some fuckin Thoughts, so I’ll just do one for mainline FF and one for Bravely Default.

The first character I first fell in love with: 

Tidus left a strong impression on me as a kid due to the way FFX ended, and I still really like him, but I wouldn’t say I was ever in love with him. On the other hand, Fang from FFXIII turned me gay.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 

Kuja, I think? As much as I will maintain that he is the objective best FF villain until the day I die, and as much as that outfit is IC for him, it’s still, uh. Not good. It’s not even that it’s too feminine, it’s just fucking ugly, lmao. Doesn’t make for a great first impression. But god fucking damn, he is very, very good. Maybe at some point I’ll whip up a meta about him, but I’m not sure what to say that hasn’t been covered already.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

Sephiroth. He’s got a cool design, a great theme song (those chosen by the planet, not one winged angel), and a phenomenally intimidating presence. But the thing is, as far as FF7 itself is concerned, he’s barely a character. He’s long dead by the time of the game and exists only as an echo of the past and a manifestation of Cloud’s psychological problems. By the end, he’s more Jenova (who herself is more a force of nature than a character) than himself imo. He works because of what he represents, and the mystery surrounding him, not because of who he is. Hailing him as the “best FF villain” misses the point. I feel like Squeenix themselves don’t get what was great about Sephiroth, since we keep getting these immensely fucking bland villains like Vayne, Caius, and Ardyn that are clearly trying to recapture the Sephiroth magic by focusing on the cool factor or the relationship with the protag or whatever when none of that is why Sephiroth worked in FF7 to begin with.

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

Vanille. Yeah the English voice direction was awful, yeah the noises she makes when riding her eidolon are immensely fucking uncomfortable, but she’s actually a really interesting character who deserved more time to shine, and I maintain that she should have been the protag of FF13 rather than Pink Squall. Since she has like, y’know, a much more direct hand in the entire plot of the goddamn game.

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: 

uuuuuuuhhh I really don’t know. Maybe Kain. I used to think he was the shit but now I’m just like “haha, mr. friendzone at it again.” Or maybe Cloud, thanks to Advent Children taking a steaming dump on his personality in the name of fanservice.

The character I would totally smooch: 

FANG. SHE IS SO FUCKING HOT GOOD LORD I’M GAY. Also Rydia. Uh, adult Rydia, that is.

The character I’d want to be like: 

Fang is pretty goals, but she’s a bit more butch than I personally see myself, haha. Maybe Celes, sans heterosexuality and poor taste in dudes. She’s very cool, strong, and sexy.

The character I’d slap: 

Squall I guess? Cheer Up Emo Kid!

A pairing that I love: 

Kuja/Terra! I’d toyed with the idea before thanks to Dissidia 012, but NT sold me forever. There are a lot of reasons these two work so well, the most important being that their interactions are absolutely fucking precious. The reason he freed her from Kefka’s control in the first place, apart from wanting to stick it to the asshole clown, was because he empathized with her, but when she thanked him later he downplayed the hell out of it. Terra genuinely tries to reach out to him, and he’s receptive, but aloof, and acts so theatrical about it (”If that is what Her Highness wishes.”) It’s… cute? Like, they’re both pretty damn emotionally stunted due to their, uh, irregular upbringings, and there’s so much potential there! *slams fists on table* GIVE ME MORE

A pairing that I despise: 

Come to think of it, I don’t think I have a single genuine notp in the entire Final Fantasy franchise. Even ships I don’t really care for, like Cecil/Rosa, Locke/Celes or Wakka/Lulu, I wouldn’t say I hate them, just think they’re lame and poorly written. I guess Kuja/Zidane? Yeah, yeah, I know, rich as fuck coming from me, but I just don’t like them romantically at all. The most important reason being that they’re ugly as sin together.

and now, the bravely default hot takes nobody asked for but that I will rant about at literally any given opportunity.

The first character I first fell in love with: 

EDEA!!! I love her SO MUCH! She’s an adorable, precious ENTJ child who’s so headstrong, but naive, and so endearing. Her design (in the first game–blue is not her color) is great, and she has some of the best class outfit designs as well. She’s also the main melee bulk of the party, which I find immensely refreshing in a franchise where the girls are usually mages or rogues. 

Her character arc is pretty basic, sure, but it works. For starters, she’s the best handled rebellious princess I’ve seen, in that she just flat out turns on Eternia–everything she’s ever known–with scarcely a second thought. Not because she feels trapped by the burdens of being royalty or whatever, she’s just stubborn and willful and has an iron sense of right and wrong that she’s willing to fight for above all else. Which, I mean, yeah, evil empire, but it’s not that simple. Which is why her arc is about reconciling with the fact that it isn’t all black and white, and embracing her role as eventual queen of Eternia. 

The writing is pretty hamfisted, what with her literally calling things “black and white,” but she’s 15, so I’ll give it a pass. Yeah, I know the American version aged her up to make the fanservice shit less gross, but it doesn’t really work when her character is about overcoming her childish worldview, lol. Like, she’s a babbu. You can’t just change a number and make her less babbu. Her theme song is literally called “Baby Bird.” Maybe just don’t fucking sexualize characters who are meant to be read as childish in the first place? She deserved so much better than the writing she got in Bravely Second, which I’ll… get to later, but she was still an absolute delight. Did I mention she’s also hilarious? “Oops, my foot slipped.” “You just DROPKICKED ME!”

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 

Yew. I mean, I don’t love him as much as Edea, but Bravely Second was kind of a hot mess, if fun, and his arc pleasantly surprised me. He kind of had a similar arc as Edea in the first game, but in the opposite direction. Over the course of the game he gradually overcame his rich, upper class nerd privilege worldview and became Woke ™, and then used his privilege to help people. By contrast, Edea still had to go through the journey of getting past her simplistic worldview, but whereas she was quick to recognize the fact that her world was wrong and had to learn not to see things in extremes, Yew had to work to claw his way outside of that box in the first place. The plot twist about his brother was obvious as hell but like, whatever, it was fun. His mask didn’t even cover that much of his face, how did he not know,

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

Tiz. He’s boring, not much else to say there. Except, his design in Bravely Second had me excited as hell because he looks so emo and ow the edge and I was really excited to see what they were gonna do with him, but his personality is… exactly the same as the first game? Why bring him back at all? For that matter, why kill him off in the first place? I know they were going for some meta shit, but like… why?

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

Airy, but idk if that counts because I love her for precisely the reasons everyone else hates her. Even if I think the good end should have been obtained by seeing through her ruse and blowing up the crystals rather than just going along with what she says and repeating the same fucking sequence of bosses over and over…

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: 

Ringabel. Mainly for shipping reasons and because I’m increasingly exhausted with the whole chivalrous pervert trope, especially when Edea was very much underage in the first game, lmao. He’s a good character objectively speaking, but a lot of his potential wasn’t capitalized on and I still don’t get how Alternis did a complete 180 from his brooding initial personality, to… that. Or why there were AU Ringabels in the ending sequence of the first game when I thought the whole point was that he was a spanner in the works who shouldn’t have been part of the party in the first place, and that’s how they managed to foil Airy? Or, it should have been, if they didn’t literally just go along with what she said until the end despite his very clear warnings that she was up to some shady shit. The final stretch of Bravely was a fucking trainwreck, nothing new there.

The character I would totally smooch: 

Edea. But like, a forehead smooch, because she’s a babbu. Though she is 18 for real this time in Second, isn’t she? And she’s matured considerably by then too… hrm.

The character I’d want to be like: 

Edea post-character development. She’s got her shit together, and she’s still strong-willed, outgoing, and adorable as all hecke.

The character I’d slap: 

Yulyana. Fuck the quirky pervert trope, seriously. It’s not funny, it’s never been funny, and it never will be funny.

A pairing that I love: 

Well, Agnes/Olivia is the only pairing that I straightforwardly ship, and I’ll never not be mad that they just, like. Forgot about Olivia in the final stretch of the game. Like they really just killed her off for shock value, huh? Okay Sure.

I like Edea/Alternis a lot too, but it’s complicated. Reading through D’s Journal during a blind playthrough left way more of an impact on me than Ringabel’s dumb flirting, but they definitely have a lot of shit to work through before they get together. They obviously both genuinely care about each other, though Edea’s got other shit on her plate to worry about rather than Alternis being a lovelorn, emo weirdo. But like, he’s not only so emotionally distant from her despite his feelings that she doesn’t even know what his face looks like, but he’s got a weird possessive streak towards her? It might be a translation thing but the phrasing “I would have taken you as my wife” is a bit. Iffy. Especially considering a. the age gap and b. she outranks him. Of course she’s having none of this shit, but I do like the idea of them both maturing, actually bonding like human beings, and getting together when they’re older, ie: when Edea is queen and Alternis has learned to accept his fate as a permabottom. Childhood friend loyalty kink is my passion, and like, while Edea is very much a take charge no nonsense lady, she struggles with personal relationships and emotions. They both do, and that’s why their relationship is so complicated and interesting. I’d love to read slowburn of them.

A pairing that I despise: 

Rindea. But wait, you say! Didn’t you just write a whole paragraph on how you like Altdea? Well, yes. I do stand by that, and I enjoy the ship because of its problems rather than in spite of them. Rindea is. Not that. While Altdea is  a flawed relationship that I’d love to see mature into something functional along with the characters themselves, Rindea is a disgustingly written trainwreck that shits on all that potential, as well as Edea’s entire fucking character, constantly.

I don’t hate the very idea of these two as an item. The problem is how badly said item is written. Even though Rindea has the same problematic base as Altdea, which is treated as flawed, it just completely fucking glosses over all of that, everything that actually makes their relationship interesting, in favor of generic hetero pervy slap slap kiss tsundere bullshit. Yes, Ringabel’s feelings for her run deeper than that, but that’s basically all that their dynamic, their actual interactions, amount to. And for some reason she’s into it? Like, I’m sorry, but fucking when and why did she develop feelings for him? Was it before or after she learned about his true identity? Is it because he’s Alternis or in spite of it? Hell, how did she feel about that revelation in the first place? All of that is very much worth addressing, but they LITERALLY NEVER DO.

Did she just secretly like his annoying flirting all along because no obviously means yes? Like, Ringabel still fucking carries all the baggage associated with being Alternis but the game doesn’t give a fuck! It’s overbearing and weird when Alternis comes onto Edea, but when Ringabel does it it’s peak romance! He loves her so it’s okay! And we don’t know anything about Edea’s feelings for him because the game just never fucking goes into it! It’s just assumed that she must like him back! Hey, here’s a thought! Maybe if Ringabel actually loves her so much he could respect her feelings and lay the fuck off! Oh wait, no means yes, right. And don’t even get me started on Bravely Second, jesus fucking christ. You seriously mean to tell me that, according to Yoko, my girl’s only personal damage is being tfw no bf? Nothing about the stress of ruling a nation or any of her other relationships? Nothing even about how her feelings for Ringabel might actually be more fucking complicated than dokidoki take me with you ringabel kun? Absolutely Fucking Disgusting.

Listen. I like problematic ships, but Rindea is just fucking bad, and it’s made worse by the fact that canon thinks it’s good. At this point they’ve missed so many opportunities to actually expand meaningfully on Edea’s side of the relationship that it’s a lost fucking cause and I want it to die in a fire. Good lord I hate this ship and it’s exhausting being an Edea main when it’s the entire fandom’s OTP. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

I ranted more about this ship as well as the other canon Bravely ships in this post and will probably do so again when presented the opportunity.